#i also got so lazy about the scales so fast

[warlordfelwinter]

would you still love me if i was a worm snake

idk sometimes you just want to draw a big eye. the fun of this is really that i just started on a dark canvas and went for it with very little sketching or planning and just kinda fucked around with the gouache brushes trying to get to the image in my head. and i remembered that csp does timelapses so

[sungjinhos]

WESTERN WIND

Vernon is on the verge of freaking out - Vernon is chill, Vernon is calm, but everyone has a limit, and Vernon's limit is when he complains 3 consecutive weeks about his front wing and the engineering team doesn't do a thing about it.

✦ genre: F1 Alternative Universe, almost enemiers to lovers (but really just have a fight in the workplace now we are weird), smut, they do it without protection so - be safe guys love you.

✦ word count: 8.9k+ ✦ title inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen - Western wind

✦ Thea note: okay, this was a challenge!! This was written for a friend who enjoys the f1 world and isn't a carat - but we are working on it. I write for me and I write what i like to read and to me, Vernon screams lazy sex so that's that - that's really nothing more on this subject. reminder 1: i am not an english speaker so i am very sorry about any mistake but you don't need to be a bitch about it. Also, I may try to write every member but gooooood some are harder than others, and vernon was hard for me so i am sorry if the characterization is weird or when you are reading this you think shit this is not Vernon lol I reached a point where i was like yeah i'm giving up.

Vernon has always been obsessed with the idea of flying. 

Not taking an airplane-flying, but actually flying. The closest he got to this was behind a steering wheel. And he got so obsessed with the feeling - first the wind against his face, then the whiplash of going too fast.  He loved it so much that he just made a career out of it. 

And Vernon was good at it, one of the best really, first drive in his new team and all. But it is the seventh grand prix and the car still lacking and there is so much he can do with pure strength and strategy. 

He can't fight aerodynamics. He can't, and to be honest, he shouldn't do what the engineering team was supposed to. But he is one step away from getting out of the car and breaking the damn front wing with his bare hand in the middle of the box. Vernon, a lot of people don't know, but he has this kind of superpower when he gets incredibly mad his face is still calm, and nobody knows he is on the verge of freaking out.

But Vernon just handles the steering wheel to the guy next to the car and jumps off it without making a scene. On a scale of Fernando Alonso to Kimi Raikkonen Vernon leans more to Kimi's side, even though right now he may pull off a Nico Rosberg or psychological warfare like Michael Schumacher against the engineering team, he is not above it today. 

He is no Kimi Raikkone though. Vernon does prefer just being in the car. He enjoys being on the circuit running laps. He is chill with being on the go, traveling around, jumping on airplanes, and Vernon developed a near to perfect packing method - he travels with just a backpack, thanks god. Vernon doesn't love press tours, sometimes they are just insufferable. He doesn't love to have a run down when his week has been shit - trashed car or broken really. But otherwise, Vernon is cool with it, he laughs a little, he goofs with other pilots, he has friends - sometimes he goes out with Lee Chan the Haas pilot. Sometimes he cracks jokes with Mingyu and Wonwoo - the Red Bull duo. So sometimes press is actually fun, and even tho Vernon is an accomplished guy in his field pole and race win on his name he also still has idols on the paddocks because he is against names like Choi Seungcheol and Hong Joshua.

So Vernon enjoys his life really, he isn't one to overthinking about what choosing this type of life made him lose. He gained so much that it would be unfair to do that, to wonder what it could be.

But when Vernon feels like his team is not even hearing his complaint about how the aerodynamics of the car is fucked up Vernon wants to just crash the car and scream in the box. What the fuck? Fix the gooddamn wing for fuck's sake. 

But Vernon doesn't scream in the middle of the box, it wouldn't be good for the press, and Vernon is calm he is chill, but he isn't dumb. He does this when the engineering team, himself, and Choi Minho, his team principal, are in a more private area.

"What the hell? I've been complaining about the front wing since the Australia GP."

"We have been working on the wing." The engineering girl slash prodigy answers.

"And why the fuck is not working properly? This car will fly out of the track if a single drop of rain falls." Vernon continues because he is the one putting his life on the line really. Why no one is giving a fuck about what he has been saying.

"We are trying, you know about regulations we cant-" You try to say as if everybody doesn't remember that FIA is actually the worst ever and it is your job to care about regulations too.

"Oh my fucking God. I gonna crash this car in the first fucking lap I am not even kidding." Vernon says pacing around the table, he hates the whole can't do won't do FIA-related frustration. 

"Ok, Vernon you know we can't really do anything about it right now," Minho says arms crossed. "So stop bitching about it, and no you will not crash my car in the first lap you are not stupid." And now Vernon knows he can't really crash his car but he feels the urge to do it nonetheless, Minho can scrap his bank account he doesn't care, he can go fucking penny less but he will have his front wing fixed up.

 "You," Minho says pointing at you and you are actually relieved, you can take the screams of the team principal - even tho Minho is not near screaming, but taking shit from the pilot? Not gonna happen "For fuck sake take his complaint and actually do something about it for the next GP, you have like 5 people that could have been working for NASA in the team if he complains again about this mothefucker wing again I gonna have a stroke," he says leaving the room.

"Why do you guys only act when I bring Choi Minho to the room?" Vernon asks feeling dumb and to be honest disrespected. He knows he is young, he knows he is new, but he was brought to the team for a reason.

"Not that it matters," You say already picking the things around the table, probably from a previous meeting. "But he is my boss, not you Vernon."

"I am the one inside the car," Vernon says trying to attain some kind of respect or authority.

"Ok, that's not relevant to me whatsoever. I work designing a car that if we put a dog behind the wheel is gonna be fast so-" You say because you are tired this front wing nightmare has been going on for more than the australia grand prix actually, it's always the same problem, again and again, your team fixes it but it always comes back to life like a zombie or something.

"Did you just say that I am not relevant? Are you kidding me?" Vernon actually scoffs because of course he knew when he arrived in Mercedes that the team is bigger than him, he knew what all the critics said, but being treated that poorly by a co-worker? Fucked up man.

"That's not what I meant-"

"Yeah yeah yeah like Im just a dumb kid on the wheel, that's what you meant. I really thought we could build a nice relationship and all-" Vernon cuts you already opening up his overall because it is hot as fuck, like one step away from dying hot. "I guess the civil war thing going on wasn't in my plans but if you guys on the engineering want that I have no problem whatsoever in being a fucking dick."

Vernon says almost dashing to his trailer, fucking stupid overalls dangling around his waist because if one of the journalists asks him something about his wing or his time or how Kim Mingyu got the pole, Choi Minho is not the only one who will have a stroke. Health care plans and his life insurance will skyrocket.

After Vernon takes a shower, he realizes how dumb and idiotic he is. This happens a lot. Vernon doesn't really know how to deal with his rage, so when the anger dissipates, he just ends up regretting everything. 

Regretting is not even close to the proper word. When Vernon analyzes the chances of him fucking up his entire year because you simply do not rage war on your engineering team - that was like a rule, not a rule scratch that, it was a dogma. A rule you can break, if you try that shit on a dogma, you will root in hell. The hell being Vernon's worst nightmare - having the team ask him to pull aside to the other driver because he can't keep up, the reason? His shitty ass front wing.

But when the actual race comes and Vernon starts the race in third and finishes up in 5th place, he doesn't know who will drop dead first, him or Choi Minho. 

"Do we need a meeting between grand prix to fix this hellhole you guys have been calling a car?" His boss asks and Vernon can see you just rolling your eyes. Dude, that's crazy. Did you just roll your eyes to Choi Minho? That was insane. 

And Vernon coped the only way he knew - developing a wealth obsession fueled by hatred, all because you didn't give him his wing and a roll of your eyes at Choi Minho.

Before that, Vernon really didn't have a problem with you. Since he moved to Mercedes everything was great! Great team! New and more powerful car! Great teammate - Lee Jihoon, who actually took Vernon under his wing. The pre-season was great, and he didn't have problems with you whenever you two had to talk about the development stage of the car. 

Actually, Vernon finds you interesting really, that's not a lot of women in F1, and the majority of the women actually deal with public relations or team management like Kwon Boa. He always saw you around, really, always in jeans, tennis, and a Mercedes shirt. Sometimes with glasses, sometimes with a cap on. Always chatting with someone, sometimes writing things down on a notebook, sometimes explaining something. 

He didn't actually have any problems with you. He didn't have a reason, but now? Now Vernon can't really back off, can he? God, he was not a fighter and neither a hater, but he wasn't a coward either. 

So when his one-week break is cut short and people send him to Northamptonshire Vernon is angry because really: 1st he could use a few days off, 2nd between the Emilia-Romagna and the Monaco GP he had booked a crazy Airbnb in Cannes.

Now he was stuck in this hell hole of a place, in a way too cold meeting room, with like the whole engineering team and his boss. Not ideal. So Vernon's mind just wonders really, he thinks about how he needs to catch up on his favorite TV show, maybe he can check on his family later, or call his friend Boo Seungkwan - maybe he would call Seungkwan to Monaco is bouge enough for Seungkwan.

“And that's why we try to fix the front wing, but it seems like the aerodynamic problem is always back. Lee Seokmin actually did design another front wing at the start of the pre-season but you guys said that this one had a better grip” You finish the whole ppt-presentation, sometimes you hated your job so much, and by sometimes you meant the whole ppt presentation of a problem that we can`t actually fix because of regulations and because you guys main driver didn't do proper feedback in the first place. And now you have a problem in your hands, that to begin with, it wasn't even yours. 

“So the best thing we can do is?” Choi Minho asks and you laugh because right now you are not the one treating Vernon like a damn child on the wheel, it is Choi Minho, but Vernon is too engrossed in his own mind to notice or he feigns ignorance because it is Choi Minho who is talking, not you the mere translator girl for the engineering team. 

“We can try always the wet tire even if it's just light, and we can always use the soft tire at the beginning of the race it is the less durable but if he is in a good position to start with we can always call him back-”

“So, we did this three-hour meeting” Vernon actually checked his watch. It was a tree hour meeting for god`s sake. “for the resolution being soft tire and pray for a good pit stop? Are we crazy?”

“If you heard about FIA rules we cannot-” You try to speak but really, you don't even know why you start when you know you gonna be ignored by the man in the room and it’s F1 there is always a man in the room, always.

“Ok ok,” Vernon interrupts. “Just so you know that’s crazy, everything about this wing situation is crazy, we are just handling the championship, we are not even close to being - I don't know? 5th fucking place.” 

“We need to make the legal team re-analyze the rules,” Minho says contemplative and not really angry, and to be honest you wouldn't be either because it is true, but Vernon could be less bitch about it because it is not your fault either

“Just that? Ok,” Vernon says and he gets up because when Minho talks about the legal team it`s gonna take 4 to 6 days to actually find a loophole in the damn manual, but hey ok, it's fine, Vernon it’s chill, but not chill enough because the next moment his mouth is moving. “Maybe you could ask for the engineering team to work on that too I don't know just a thought” 

And you laugh, loud and clear. And Vernon is truly spooked. What the heck? Are you going crazy? Has the excruciating work and the insane hours with the weekly jetlag made you crazy? 

“Yeah Minho,” you say, picking up the papers. Why do you always pick up? Are they top-secret papers? Vernon never thought about corporate espionage, but it may be a thing. “Maybe you can ask your drivers for proper feedback when I ask them about grip and wings and start making them say whole sentences, not it's bad and a sad emoji. If we did send a form about this shit we wouldn't have this problem,” You actually leave them room, but Minho and Vernon continue listening to your voice down the hall. “Oh Vernon, how it’s going with the car. Make them say 4 whole sentences and not it's chill. Maybe that would help” and then you scream. “Just a thought."

“I mean” Choi Minho starts getting up too. “Nothing against a rivalry in the workplace, dang in my times, it was worse. But if I get an actual complaint - Humans Resources or Legal Team involved - I am so firing both of you, and I am not even caring about labor law or whatever.” 

And Vernon thinks it's weird how he was the first one to get up and the last one out of the meeting room.

So when Vernon actually arrives in Monaco - Boo Seungkwan, his best friend since birth, on his side, the civil war in his team is still going on at full speed. The tire strategy is still in place. Choi Minho still looks at him every five minutes like a babysitter. You still give a side eye every time you both share a room, Vernon is even more aware that you roll your eyes at everyone. Are you just discontent with everything?

But he doesn't think so when he sees you and Jeonghan, the team strategy, and Jun, one of the mechanics, laughing while eating lunch. Vernon is puzzled really why the fuck is he, Choi Minho, and the whole team getting side eyes and Jeonghan and Jun receiving beautiful smiles and even laughs? That's weird, more than weird, that's unfair really.

"What's going on in your head?" Boo Seungkwan asks, actually stealing a bite of Vernon chicken's breast. 

"Just, you know the whole war in the team. That's the girl that is actually making my life hell." Vernon says voice low like he is telling Seungkwan a secret, trying to be discreet. 

"That one?" Seungkwan asks loud and not caring about the top secret war going on, apparently. "Oh, Vernon, she is pretty."

"And?" Vernon thinks puzzled because really he never stopped to think about it. "Ok, ok, stop looking," Vernon says when he sees Jeonghan looking back at his table, grabbing Seungkwan and almost getting up and turning Seungkwan`s head himself. God.

"You didn't tell me she was pretty." Seungkwan acts like it was the most important thing ever. Missing the point, really, because the most important thing ever in this whole ordeal was Vernon's career and the probability of it ending abruptly. 

"Yeah, because it is not important, I mean…" Vernon trails off because again, he never stopped really, but thinking about you are pretty. Or at least not recently. Vernon thinks back when you two met in the pre-season and he may have blushed once or twice talking to you in the first days, but he wouldn't call it a crush.

"Hey Vernon," Jeonghan says, stopping at his side. "We will go over the strategy at 3 pm for the first free practice, so if you need anything, just give us a heads up before."

"Oh, sure man, actually I was thinking about the ty-" Vernon starts.

"Bye guys, if I hear one more driver talking about how they don’t want to start with a soft tire today, I'm gonna jump the nearest cliff." You say, lacing arms with Jun and just dragging him.

"Oh, she is feisty today," Jeonghan laughs. "Okay, anyway, you can bring everything to the team, right? I need to actually get some information with her so-" 

"Sure, sure man, no big." 

“Yeah," Boo Seungkwan just laughs, and laughs, he actually almost falls backward type of laughing “When was the last time you got laid?"

"Hm?" Out of nowhere? What the heck was going on in his friend’s mind? But Vernon actually needs time to think about it, fuck, when was the last time? Vernon didn’t even remember with whom. "I don't know a few weeks?"

"Months right?" Seungkwan answered in a heartbeat, chewing on a long French fries.

"Maybe dude, you know it is hard when I am always on the go." And it was hard, Vernon wasn’t lying. He didn’t enjoy the whole no-string attached really, and after he got a little famous - in a very niche type of famous he knew that, he was no rockstar type of guy, but still, he enjoyed it even less.

"Yeah didn't peg you for doing in the workplace kind of guy, always talking about how it is precious and nothing can disturb the paddock’s energy,” Seungkwan says making Vernon almost choke on his food.

“First, that is the rule that applies when you want to bring your boyfriend Kwon Soonyoung because last time he almost broke my trophy,” Vernon can actually feel the chill going through his body just remembering the scene that his traumatized brain conjures up, it was his first grand prix win and Seungkwan boyfriend almost knocked it down. “second we are not doing anything. We are actually enemies” 

“Oh,” Seungkwan stops, truly stops, dropping his fork and knife, and he stares at Vernon, but Vernon knows it is not a stare, Seungkwan is analyzing Vernon like he always did. “Well, that's even worse, because when it happens - see not if, I said when it's going to be a nuclear bomb, thanks good I am not going to Spain with you and me and my lovely boyfriend will be having a few days off in Monaco so…” 

The problem was that Seungkwan was always annoyingly right. Seungkwan was right when he said Vernon's last relationship wouldn't last more than 3 months. Seungkwan was also right about Vernon's first love and second. Seungkwan had this superpower really, Seungkwan was always there to see the picture better before Vernon did.

But Vernon always just shrugged and went to his next task, now free practice. And Vernon did slightly better than he thought - 4th place. So he wasn't actually totally dejected after the press asked him about the probability of rain. Everything was fine until Vernon saw the little orange cat hiding in the corner of the Mercedes trailer.

Vernon squatted and tried to call the little kitten really, it was tiny and made Vernon's heart break a little because when the cat was approaching him Vernon saw how he was limping, front paw looking hurt. Also, the little dude looked muddy. He may hate Vernon for it, but he needed a good wash.

"Hey," You say looking at Vernon who just started stroking the orange cat fur. "I was just-" You point at the water container.

"Ah yeah," Vernon says, giving you a nod. "I was thinking of finding something so this little guy can eat but-"

"We don't know anything around, same." You say squatting on Vernon's side and putting the container on the ground, little dude giving you both a meow.

"Could we-" Vernon starts but you just cut him.

"Make a trainee do the hard work? Make them go to the nearest supermarket, " you say, laughing a little, like you laugh with others. And Vernon thinks that maybe your brain is too fast, two-step forwards already, ahead of everyone, always.

"Yeah, I was thinking about asking someone or even the Grand Prix organizers to even get a vet around. I think something is wrong with his paw." Vernon points at the cat, and he stops for a minute thinking about how he is so used to being in the paddock but not really knowing his way around it. He strokes the cat again, almost feeling the urge to pick him up and go around asking if anyone knows a vet.

"You shouldn't be touching him." You say and Vernon feels a little offended. Did you enjoy telling him what to do? Vernon could take it, he didn't like it, but when it was about the race he could take it, but about a cat? Really? "Like, for health reasons." 

"Yeah, I was thinking about taking him to the trailer, but if he has fleas, that would be a nightmare," Vernon says hand still scratching the little cat like the rebel he was. 

"Can you-" You trail off, looking around, and Vernon can almost see your brain working inside your skull.

"What?"

"Look, we have like two options.” You say getting up and fixing your pants. And Vernon thinks that Seungkwan was actually right shit, you are actually and objectively pretty. “You can be an asshole and make someone do the job just because you are throwing a i am a star fit"

"Or?"

"You could totally do your I am a heartthrob bit on the communication team newbie, she kinda has a crush on you, so she would totally find Seb a vet place. Just don't let Minghao know.” Vernon just feels like a lot of what you just said goes over his head because it really doesn’t make sense to him, Heartthrob what? Crush who? Seb? 

"Are we calling him Seb?"

"I mean he just gives me Sebastian Vettel energy all around you know, he is kind of shy and orange," you say trying not to sound dumb, feeling a little anxious - because Vernon always made you feel this way, an uneasy feeling paired with his low voice.

"Yeah, I can see that” and Vernon smiles, dude the cat really looks like Sebastian. God - in that exact moment Vernon knows that his life is fucked up, he is picking a stray cat when the next 3 weeks he will be jumping from airplane to airplane. But look at him, Vernon can't leave Seb in a freaking paddock, in the end of the week everything will be gone.

"So? Which one? I'm pretty sure we can try just telling Minho you went rogue as the third option but…"

"The heartthrob one just-" Vernon can feel his forehead itch and the beginning of a headache. He can't do a heartthrob bit. What is he talking about? "Just show me the way."

"I need your keys," you say to Vernon, hand open in his direction "First we need a box and a towel. We can't let little Seb on the loose."

"He is a little difficult, though. Pretty sure he won't stay in the box," Vernon tells you already giving you his key.

"I think I can steal a few eggs for him on the way. If they are boiled, it won't be a problem. He seems hungry enough."

And Vernon actually plays with Seb until you arrive, a box filled with Vernon's towel - probably the one he used this morning, and a plastic plate full of eggs. And then you are already dragging Vernon around to the second task - the heartthrob bit. And Vernon thinks about how quick on your feet you are - figuratively, and literally, you walk really fast. Later, you tell him that is a job thing, not a you thing. Apparently to be an F1 engineer you need to think fast, walk quickly, and solve everyone's problems.

Vernon did the heartthrob bit - it actually ended up with the newbie taking Seb to the vet, you gave her a to-do list (1 - check his paw, 2 - check for fleas, 3 - don't forget the shots!!!) and Vernon's credit card. But Vernon still with a weird taste in his mouth. How did you know the newbie had a crush on him? That's totally weird.

But hey the trainee actually found a vet, and she brings Seb back with shots and a bath. And now Vernon is staring at his cat, thinking about how if he needs to call the hotel to check about the animal policy, maybe he could do the heartthrob bit to the hotel manager. Or he could leave Seb unattended, he could eat something, chew his race boot, or - then Vernon hears a knock, which is weird of course because Vernon doesn't actually receive visits in the motor home, people know that Vernon is sensitive about that - no fans, no press, no knocking when he is in the motorhome.

"Hi," you say as soon as Vernon opens his door, "just came to see the little guy."

"Oh, yeah sure," of course it was you, the only person who doesn't actually care about Vernon’s word and maybe well-being, but Vernon kind of understands, Seb is cute, "he looks tired tho."

"It's okay, I just came to give him some love." You say one digit going between Seb’s ear, squatting on the floor, letting Seb chill in his place, "Are you going to the hotel?" 

"I don't know,” Vernon scratches his kneck because it is true, he doesn’t actually have any idea what he is about to do, maybe he can take his race boots and everything essential so Seb doesn't chew on it, "I need to go but I can’t leave him alone but also I can’t sleep on the couch, it will fuck up my neck and also can’t just not sleep."

"You can go, I can sleep here on the bed, not a problem." You say sitting on the floor, Seb little groggy but wake, you pick him up and put him on your lap, and he just purr. What the hell? His cat is purring? For another person? What?

"I can’t let you do that,” he can’t because his cat is already in love and because he also knows that his motorhome bed is just uncomfortable. 

"Don’t worry, we are just-" you say finally looking at Vernon’s eyes, "co-parenting" You say and Vernon feels like a bomb just dropped, and the whole humanity just vanished, he can hear a pin drop.

"Co-pareting? A cat?" Vernon says like his brain is not really functioning.

"Yeah Vernon,” You start, and Vernon can see a small smile across your face, “people have different family arrangements. You, me, and Seb, divorced people with a kid, it's okay." 

"Divorced?" Vernon actually lets out a laugh, a scoff really. Why are you trying to mess with him ? This is not even close to normal.

"Yeah we are not on great terms but we sacrifice for him."

Vernon leaves - not because you said he could, not because you found a solution, but because it was the right thing to do for his performance really. Vernon leaves because his neck is a prized possession, and because he needs to sleep , he needs his best reaction time. And Vernon is an athlete. People may say that driving a car is not a sport, but people don’t know how much the g-force makes his neck almost break. But when Vernon lays in bed with his special pillow, Vernon can’t actually sleep. His mind goes back to his motorhome, to his just-for-stretching bed, and never actually sleeps. His mind, Vernon finds out, is going back to you sleeping in that awful bad, to the way you treat the little cat like it can break, and the way that every time your hand goes against the cat's fur Venon can actually feel the love.

Vernon is so fucked.

He starts to think that Seungkwan is actually right.

And Vernon can't actually sleep because you are tormenting his mind and Seungkwan's voice telling him 'I told you so' echoes in his mind.

Even tho not getting the eight-hour sleep Vernon gets what his system needs to be quick on his reactions -  Wonwoo and Seungcheol actually crash in front of him, debris over his head and Vernon has control enough to just not crash in the crash in the narrows streets of Monaco. Nightmare, really. Vernon finishes in third because of it, and even tho he is in the podium, he can't actually feel happy about it.

Maybe that's really why Vernon can't have his car with a fucked up wing because it can mean life and death. Later that day he makes sure to go check with both drivers - halo is ugly as fuck but saves lives.

Vernon is thankful that he doesn't have time to actually think about life and death because you are shoving him into a funny bag and telling him to put Seb inside and telling him that you actually are about to sit next to him. So Vernon ends up with a cat bag on his lap, Seb strangely chills about everything, your hand going inside the bag just to stroke his fur.

He ends up sleeping the flight, which is only about 1h40 minutes, but Vernon feels like he needed that nap.

The perception of time in the world of F1 is really truly bizarre. Vernon is always running, always thinking about how he can go faster, even when he is doing the press talk. Minghao walks faster, and explains everything for Vernon in 3 sentences, if it is a sponsor or if it is a journalist, if he needs to actually talk about the car, or if it is a 'content' bit. 

But when Vernon is going around the paddock and see you leaning against Jeonghan smile bright and full Vernon actually stops on his track, it is late, and everything is figured out in the paddock why the hell are you and Jeonghan laughing about?

"Come on, Vern," Minghao calls him, making his neck turn. "Come on, we have three more, and if I don't arrive in time for my dinner with Mika, she is going to kill me."

So Vernon lets Minghao drag him across the paddock. But his mind is still on the scene, you leaning and smiling against Jeonghan, and Vernon doesn't want to, but he feels jealous. He wants to be Jeonghan so fucking bad.

Vernon really doesn't have much time to think about it, he needs to sleep, watch his water intake, and think about his neck - his neck is his most important body part as a f1 driver, and he did think his neck was feeling a little funny. But every time Vernon sits and has time to himself, his brain conjures the image of you and Jeonghan in his eyelid.

Vernon doesn't think it was because of his neck or because his sleep was extremely shitty but the next day, his car crashes against a brick wall. Not great. Not ideal. Not fun either. So Vernon does what he needs to do. Even if he feels fine and got out of the car on his own, he needs his trip to the hospital. Turns out a few hours later, the medical team is sure that Vernon is not dying, but he may have a concussion.

When Vernon is back in his motor home to pick Seb back to the hotel (this time he actually made sure it was okay with the hotel's policy) he founds you lying on his useless motor home bed.

"Hey," you say getting up the bed "are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah," Vernon drops his bag on the floor and sits down by your side. "Just a concussion."

"Okay," you say, looking at Vernon, like actually looking at him searching for something. "I was scared it wasn't a pretty scene, Vernon."

"I know, but I'm okay," but Vernon is so so tired, he is okay and he feels okay but he feels the urge to just lie in this horrible bed and just stay in it, he doesn’t even care about his neck really - he can call for physiotherapy or something. 

"Still, the whole team was worried, you don’t need to act like it wasn’t scary,” you say and Vernon just feels so heavy, like his whole body is made of bricks, even tho he is ok with it, he is used to it really, but the crash still takes a tool on his body "and you should have gone directly to the hotel"

"I was just picking Seb up," Vernon just lies on that horrible bed and it doesn’t really seem that bad, or he is just so tired that even lying on the floor seems like a good option now. His mind is tired too - Vernon can’t even think.

"You didn't need to do that. You could've ringed me up, you know, co-parenting,” you say, voice small, and Vernon's hazed mind almost doesn’t catch it.

"Yeah," Vernon scoffs. Really, he didn’t even think about texting you,  "I don't think I have your number"

"Oh shit," You say picking up Vernon's phone and putting it in front of his face to unlock his phone, "ok gonna save my number you need to send me Seb pics I don't think you should bring him up, we have a week off you are probably going back to England right? You should hire someone to go see him daily or-" 

Vernon just feels the urge to actually kiss you. You are just there, cat on your lap, thinking about how Vernon shouldn't bring Seb around anymore, you are so so worried about his health and if he is getting stressed, and you go on about how Vernon just needs to let him rest in his place in England even tho it would be super hard for you because you are getting used to distress, every work day you pop up in Vernon motor home to say hi to the cat - and to Vernon, it all feels like a freaking lullaby, he actually nestles himself in the bed, searching for the better position to just sleeps. 

"See," you say to Vernon when you see how dozed off he is "you never pay attention." 

"I am paying attention," Vernon answers, eyes still shut but not actually sleeping. 

"You are not. You are zoomed out," You say, lying on his side, legs dangling out of the bed.  "What were you thinking?"

"Nothing really," Vernon says because he is not really thinking about anything concrete really, his brain is all over the place.

"Vern," you actually whine, "I thought we were becoming friends parenting the same kid"

"We are becoming friends" Vernon laughs because that is weird right? “I have your phone now we are definitely friends”

"See? So tell me, what's on your mind lately?" You try again, but Vernon just hums."You seem actually stressed lately. Is Minho bothering you? I  know the results are not great, but i promise we are trying" 

"I know, I know, don't worry about that." And Vernon feels actually bad because it is the first time he can feel that you are a little guilty, no scratch that, tired? Vernon can’t really catch the feeling, but he knows that you care. 

“I am not worried about that, I care about the results but you crashed today, the med team said you may have a concussion, and I don’t know if you are just zooming out in an ok way or zooming out in a concussion-induced way.” 

“It’s not the concussion the hospital let me go, it is just, I’m just tired” Vernon feels your hand on his hair, petting him, almost like you do with Seb, and Vernon just let himself sleep feeling the affection in the way your fingers travel in his skull. 

The thing is, even when Vernon is in his house in England he doesn't really feel at home, because it is a company provided apartment, and to be fair Vernon didn't put a lot of effort in it. So in his week off Vernon tries to focus on his physical training, on his neck, on his diet, on sleeping, but every time his phone vibrates Vernon just feels giddy and excited because 80% of the time it is just you reacting to Seb's pics Vernon sent.

Vernon tries not to think about how fast you answer his messages or how sometimes you send audio snips, and Vernon doesn't feel angry - he always hated audio message god. Vernon also hated calls but one night he actually video calls you and you are already in bed but you said you wanted to say goodnight to Seb but you and Vernon spends more than an hour chatting about nothing and everything. 

When the time comes, Vernon ponders; leaving Seb behind or actually flying with the cat. So he just calls Boo Seungkwan to babysit Sebastian - the hours of flight and the jetlag would just make him stressed, even tho Vernon thinks he is the worst person ever adopting a cat to just let him stay in an empty apartment even tho Seungkwan will make sure he is eating, and Vernon actually begged 3 times to Seungkwan check Seb's litter box.

To everyone's surprise, Vernon actually gets a pole position. To be honest, even to Vernon and his team it was a surprise, too. But it was a good one. You congratulated him, and that night, you and Vernon called Seungkwan and spent like 45 minutes talking to a cat and cooing together - like parents on a holiday.

Vernon thinks it's kinda weird really - how you two fell into this dynamic of sharing a pet, and in a way, you two turned into friends too. So when Vernon is ready to get out to his car you are the last one to greet him, and Vernon is not really superstitious but he thinks he will make sure that this turns into a new team ritual.

When Vernon crosses the finish line, he feels it - the feeling that Vernon always chased in a way. When he hears the screams and laughs on his radio, he feels he can actually let go and just enjoy. He did. He won a grand prix again.

And when Vernon is showered with champagne, hears his national anthem, and jumps to the crowd he thinks about you. He tries to find you really but Minghao just directs him to the press area.

“Hey,” you say, popping your head in the door crack after knocking on his door. “Heard you were looking for me.”

“Yeah yeah.” And Vernon feels sticky. His whole body is covered in champagne. He is looking like a mess, but god, he is so so happy. “Didn’t see you in the celebration.” 

“I was around. Saw everything, don't worry" You move and close the door acting like you guys didn't accomplish the best thing in the whole world because that's how Vernon feels like he is on top of the world. 

“No no-” Vernon's smile is so big, and he touches your arms, and he actually stops, and he looks at you. “We did! We actually did it!” 

“You did it" you say almost shoving him, but Vernon's hands don't leave your arms - hot and sticky against your skin, "don't need to be humble it was a great race on your side-”

“No no no listen, we both did it. We did it together. We are sharing this," Vernon says - smile still big across his face, he is so sweaty why do you think that seeing Vernon happy is the best thing ever? “Come on, say it”

“We did it” You say smiling, not even because you are happy with his win - you are, you are happy for the team, and you are happy for Vernon, but Vernon is so happy and in a way is so infectious you just can not smile like him.

“We sure did,” and Vernon hugs you, head dropping on your shoulder, “god-”

“What?"

“You smell nice," Vernon says voice muffled.

“Thank you, you smell like really nice champagne," you say with a laugh, god Vernon is so happy, and there is only one thing that would make him happier -

"And-” He tries to master his courage to say, “and I wish I could kiss you.”

When Vernon kisses you, he almost feels the breeze, almost feeling the physical sensations that involve flying, because, in his head, he is already 10 thousand feet high. He feels so out of it that Vernon just let you take what you want for him. God, you want so much. 

Vernon can feel it. He feels in the way your fingers hold his jaw. He feels in the way your mouth goes together, like two pieces made to fit each other. He feels in the way that you react when his hands hold your hips so tightly, whimpering in his mouth.

Vernon is not one to complain about speed, but when his whole world is spinning and everything is going so fucking fast he wishes he could stop the time, make it go backward, make it go slower. 

His whole life, he fought against the clock. If he was two seconds faster if he didn't waste milliseconds in the second curve. Vernon was always running, but now, fuck Vernon wishes he could go slow.

So Vernon chooses to take his time, not hurry. He kisses you slowly. The way that he trails his lips against your jaw is slow, and the way that his hands travel to your ribcage is slow.

"Vernon," you try to call his attention, to make him hurry, to make him speed up, but the only thing that Vernon gives you is a non-committal noise.

And Vernon thinks you are in a fucking trailer, with a not-great bed, and he has one better - bigger and with his trusted neck pillow but everything just shatters when someone knocks on his door.

And when Vernon opens the door and sees Minghao he thinks two things: Minghao is his worst enemy really, Minghao must hate him. The second one? Vernon asks himself how many wins he needs in his career to do a contract clause saying he is never doing press again, if someone asks him to do an interview or youtube content he is allowed to change teams before the end of his contract.

Vernon goes back to everything needs to move fast behavior. You two jump on a plane, and again, Vernon has his week off - while you need to go to Austria to check everything related to the engineering team. So when Vernon arrives and Seb purrs against his leg, he films it and sends it to you. When Vernon is chilling on his bed and Seb acts like Vernon's body is his personal pillow, he films it and sends it to you. When you say you are crying because you miss the cat, Vernon calls you and says you can knock on his door anytime. 

When Vernon arrives in the paddock the first thing he does is ask Jun where you were - meeting room, you had a meeting with Jeonghan and Minho, but when Vernon knocks on the door you are alone.

"You really did it." It's the first thing you say to Vernon.

"Yeah" He shrugs. "it was a promise."

"It looks good on you," you say, sitting in front of him at the table, hand touching Vernon’s hair, feeling the urge to ruffle it. 

"So, like, my last meal was airplane food, so I was thinking about taking you to dinner," Vernon says, and you just think how it is unfair that even tho he is not conscious of it, he is doing the heartthrob thing, the lazy eyes, the small smile, the unkept hair - now blonde.

"Hm-" you try your best to not just throw your papers and forget you have an actual job just because Vernon smiled at you, "I don't know if I am free, actually Minho was talking about going over the strategy with you so-"

"Yeah? Ok, I can call him and say the airplane gave me a headache so," Vernon picks his phone up and starts typing something, "I don't know Austrian food that well but we can always go to an Italian."

"Italian, I prefer Italian," you say, chin resting on your hand and just admiring Vernon. You are pretty sure if you were a cartoon, they would draw you with heart eyes.

"Nice."

You let Vernon wine and dine you. The restaurant was nice, and it was even nicer that you and Vernon sat side by side in low light, and you can just rest your head on his shoulder because you were truly tired and because every time you did that you could actually sniff Vernon a bit, and he smells so so good. 

You guys just chat about everything, and at some point, Vernon actually unlocks his phone and just lets you browse his gallery (90% of it is Seb's pics or videos, and the other 10% were the pics you sent him about your day - a coffee, a building, anything silly that made you smile), and looking at it made your heart melt.

In a silent agreement, you just hop in Vernon's Uber and end up on his hotel bed, with Vernon on top of you. 

Vernon kisses you slowly like he has all the time in the world - and you are weak enough for him, so you don't complain, you don't hurry him. To be honest you don't want him to hurry either, you are enjoying the way Vernon is nested between your legs, the way you can feel his weight on your body, and the way that his hands feel against your neck.

The way Vernon touches you makes you feel treasured, makes your heart full, and makes you want to make him feel the same way, and you try your best.

You try when your hands travel to his biceps, squeezing it the way his hands tighten against your hips. You try when your hand goes through his hair when he kisses your neck. You try when Vernon's hands travel under your shirt and you kiss his cheeks because it's the only place you reach.

Vernon doesn't think, and he doesn't try. He just does, and he accepts what you give him.

When Vernon outright grinds on you and you whimper, Vernon accepts it. When your hands claw at his shirt, he accepts, and when he gets off, you take his shirt off and see you doing the same. Vernon thinks that maybe you gonna give him more than he can take.

You don't rush him, you let Vernon watch you, but you feel rushed, so you get up as well, mouth. chasing Vernon's while you take off your bra. 

The way Vernon holds you makes your mind spin. The way his firm body feels against yours, and how his hands feel against your back. And even though you try, Vernon still kisses you slowly.

Vernon holds you when he makes you lie on the bed, "baby lemme just-" he says, giving your hips a small kiss, and opening the button of your pants, when he takes your pants off you can feel his digits traveling against your leg and you are sure he can feel the goosebumps on your skin.

Vernon's fingers close against your ankle, and Vernon brings it against his mouth, "Vern " you try to call him, and you feel dumb enough that you just beg. And Vernon kisses you again, one hand on your chest and the other grabbing your hips.

And you think you can take slow when Vernon is on top of you, legs tangled, his lips now on your neck. Every time your hips move together Vernon hums against your skin and you wish he was naked already. But when Vernon's lips find your chest you can't really complain because you feel so lost, he takes one of your nipples in your mouth, and he gives attention to the other one too, taking your nipple between two fingers and toying with it

When Vernon releases your breast with a pop you remember to call him, "Vern please"

"What?" He says hands toying with your panty line, digits hot against your hips.

"Your pants," you say, feeling your mouth dry, body buzzing.

"Oh right," Vernon says and you already feel remorseful when Vernon detaches his body from yours. 

You try to reach Vernon with your hands, palms against his skin, on his chest, on his abs, on his thighs. Everywhere - trying to placate the lack of the feeling of his body against yours. 

When Vernon finishes getting his pants off he holds your head, hand against your nape and jaw and he kisses you, and you feel a little better thinking he suffered like you did in those milliseconds that your bodies have been apart from each other.

And Vernon did, and when he stops to look at you, to really look, tracing his thumb against your mouth and you open just enough for your tongue to lap at his digit Vernon thinks he is going crazy. 

God, you are just so pretty on his bed, hair messy, trails of his kiss against your skin. Vernon knows he is so fucking lucky, and if he could he would stop the time, he would treasure every second - he would go so fucking slow he would make the clock go backward. You, however, don't really care, you just touch Vernon, hand under his underwear giving his dick a few pumps while Vernon's hands leave an imprint on your ribcages.

Vernon helps you a little, one hand on your hips and another one lowering his underwear, his dick finally free. When Vernon looks down, he can see how red his skin is - a blush coloring his chest, he can also see how your thumb just goes smoothly against his cockhead and Vernon thinks he might go insane.

"Do you need to-" Vernon asks while trying to return the feeling, hand going to your clothed pussy, pressing against it and making you whimper.

"No, no, I am ok," You say, almost in a way to make Vernon hurry up, "You can just fuck me."

"Yeah yeah ok," Vernon says, and you can feel the way his dicks enters you while Vernon's tongue lick his lips.

Vernon fucks you slowly, body pressed against yours, one of his hands holding your head - almost pressing you against his, his lips never leaving your cheek. And it is almost excruciating - the way Vernon fucks you, so slowly and yet so fucking good.

You try to tell him in the way your hands hold his neck, the way you feel his shoulder blades under your hands, the way you want to touch the expanses of his back. 

It's good, and you could live like that - in Vernon's warm embrace. But you are feeling desperate enough so you just beg, "Vern, faster", and not a second late Vernon is fucking you harder. He picks himself up, knees on the bed, holding your legs on the side of his waist. And god he hits you so deep, you just need a little more.

"Fuck you are so hot," Vernon says almost there when he sees your hand toying with your clit.

"I am so close," You say to him and you can feel how his hands tighten against your thighs, how he picks up his pace, how he fucks you harder.

And then it washes over you, and it hits Vernon - because of the way he continues to fuck you after it, but then you can feel his body against yours, his mouth chasing yours, and you just laugh between kisses because yeah, Vernon is a lazy kisser, that just how he is, but goddamn you love it.

In that weekend Vernon makes a ritual of kissing you, he kisses you every time he can really, but he makes a point of stealing a kiss before the free practice - in his motorhome. He does it again before the race, he ends up in second place. He kisses you again when you jump at him saying that he is the best - and he wants to argue because he just ended in second place, but it's you so he just takes it.

When Vernon is showered, clean, and not sticky from champagne he sees you sleeping in his horrible motorhome bed, and he just can't let you - you guys have a flight to catch.

"Hey, come on let's go home, Seb is missing you," Vernon says trying to wake you up.

[puddleorganism]

Another little batch of scifi au doodles

Featuring a couple redesigns! The species itself got a redesign but also I changed Scar’s species

If you’re confused about why Scar’s all red here’s a little worldbuilding dump for you:

This species (Sunseekers) is kind of like a reverse carnivorous plant. Carnivorous plants started as phototrophs and evolved to be carnivorous later. Sunseekers were carnivorous first, then evolved phototropism to supplement their energy intake.

However, camouflage was very important for their hunting methods (originally they were pretty much pure white with occasional light grey markings, it’s only since their lifestyle changed due to technological advancement that their skin/scale colors diversified), so being covered in bright red chloroplasts is not ideal. So - and take this with a grain of salt because I haven’t figured out the exact mechanism yet - their chloroplasts are underneath the pigment layer, which makes them invisible. The pigments move out of the way to reveal the chloroplasts when photosynthesizing, hence why the skin appears red! This is called “blooming” - at least for now. I may find a better word to describe it, but I do like the term “bloom” currently.

I made an animation of this process a while back, if you want to see it in motion:

I made it 6 months ago though so it’s pretty out of date lol. Here are the corrections I’d make now:

The wing and scale designs are completely outdated.

The red bloom should go all the way to the edge of the scales, but probably wouldn’t cover the entire wing at once.

It would happen MUCH slower than this. A single scale wouldn’t fully bloom this fast, let alone the whole wing.

I do like how it’s stylized though! The spots are more realistic than the sorta scratchy texture in the drawing I did of Scar (tbh I was just being lazy when I rendered it because I completely forgot to add the blooming until the end).

In modern times blooming isn’t as common of a behavior because food is easier to come by, and migration is very rare (other similar lifestyles where energy expenditure is consistently rather high do exist, but aren’t as common anyway). So, it’s just not as useful to be doing it all the time. Modern Sunseekers pretty much only bloom as a response to high exposure to sunlight, or when dealing with persistent physical and/or mental stress.

So basically when the body is like: put this bitch back in survival mode we need the ENERGY NOW

[bnuuys-writing]

Leona's Ending

here is leona's ending for Phantom of Twisted Wonderland! I am a leona hater so i pushed myself to write it decently long enough for you Leona Stans out there.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Leona's Ending(You are here!), Malleus' Ending

Leona was always a fast runner, when he really actually sets his mind to something, he is eager to get it. Being a lion himself also helped him jump over obstacles in their way and scale walls with his sharp nails. He needs to get to you again, faster than this dumb lizard. He wasn't about to lose you again to the Phantom that he fought so hard to protect you from. Scaling a wall very quickly, teeth bared as he jumped into the corridor and started dashing down the hallway as he knew Malleus was far behind him due to him cheating and climbing.

It wasn't long before he busted through the doors of the infirmary and slammed them shut so that a pesky lizard couldn't find his way in. Seeing Jack and Ruggie guarding your form as they welcomed him openly and opening up a space for him to come and see you. Brushing some hair out from your face, he made sure to be gentle with your state right now. Afterall, you were the most affected out of everyone from the book. 

“They have been moving and twitching here and there, also crying sir.” Jack stated out, as if reporting to a general in the middle of a war. Leona could only sigh as he nodded his head and dismissed the two of them out from the infirmary. He needed to be alone with you right now, no lizards and no lackeys allowed. Letting a small sound akin to a chuff, he grabbed your hand and gently squeezed as he waited for your eyes to open.

It wasn't long into later that day that he had fallen asleep by your bedside, still gripping onto your hand without much of a complaint. Although, if someone saw him in this state, he would be embarrassed and probably brush you off which is something you definitely do not need right now as he waited for you to wake up within your dreamland while he was in the midst of his own. He woke up immediately feeling you shift in the bed while gripping his hand got tighter. Tired emerald eyes flicking up to meet your own as he seemed a little more alert at seeing your eyes open and staring down at him.

“You’re awake.” / “You’re here.” You both spoke at the same time, only for you to pause as you looked at Leona expectantly. He seemed to notice that you were just waiting for him to speak as he sat up slowly, yawned and stretched before sighing loudly. Yet he didn't speak, he didn't dare say a word when you could be the first to say how awful he was. How could he say anything after being stuck in that damn book and practically pouring his soul out to you?

“Do you mean it?” You asked out softly, still gripping his hand tightly as you looked down at his form. His ear could only flick in irritation as he looked up at you with a small chuff coming from his throat, a confirmation of ‘yes’ in his own lion way.

“Depends on what you mean by; Do you mean it.” Leona stated out roughly as he squeezed your hand tightly. “Do you love me.” Your voice was calm as if the calm before the storm. It wasn't even a question but more of a statement that he could neither deny or object to. Another chuff coming from Leona as he looked away for a second, irritated that he would have to even voice it out.

It wasnt until you began to slide your hand away from his own that he gripped onto it tighter and sighed loudly. “You’re so pesky, herbivore. Of course I do. If I didnt, why the hell would I have even gone into that dumb book.” Leona grumbled out as he finally locked eyes with you once more. You were at a loss of words before clearing your throat slightly.

“Then would you be mad if I asked to go on a date with you?” You asked out slowly, carefully choosing your words to the lazy lion and he rolled his eyes. How stupid of you to even ask!

“Did you forget that we got engaged in that book? Call me your fiance, Y/n.” Leona’s words struck a chord in you as your face slowly became more flushed at the idea of having Leona as a husband. Especially so quickly.

“But we havent even gone on a date!” You retorted out quickly, only for Leona to roll his eyes and sigh. “Fine. I’ll get Ruggie to bring in food for us to eat in here, consider that a date and then we can nap, call that a second date, and now we are engaged.” Leona stated out cooly, finding it hilarious at how red your face is becoming just because of his attitude.

And he did just that, Ruggie was not so happy to have to give away two expensive take out plates to Leona and you while he scampered off to go do something else that wasn't to eat whatever Leona had ordered the both of you. As you two ate, Leona kept stealing glances at you to make sure you were doing okay before letting out a drawled sigh, which caused you to look up confused before tilting your head. 

“Whats the matter Leona?”

“You probably want something sappy from me, dont you.” 

It didnt take you a second to even think about it. You did want this pride driven lion to do something sappy for you. With a nod of your head, Leona could only growl before shaking his head. He would do anything just to have you by his side, including lowering his pride just to do this last thing for you.

“Say you’ll share each day, each night, each morning. Say the word and I will follow you.” Leona began to sing out softly to you, only loud enough for you to hear, in which you could only smile.

“Say you love me.” You whispered back as you leaned down to the pesky Lion laying across your lap.

“You know I do…” Leona stated out as he leaned upwards to capture your lips into a kiss. His hands cupping your cheeks as he let out a few throaty chuffs just to show you how happy he was to be receiving such a kiss like this. As you two slowly parted, you two could only stare at each other with love in your eyes with a small smirk of victory written all over Leona’s face. 

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

[mamadarama]

Omg previous ask back here I am so glad to hear your thoughts and your perspective was really nice!! :D

I do understand that it's meant to be frustrating as part of his character I just didn't know if it was lazy writing or character loyalty HELP cuz I can't tell sometimes

I do also wish his development turns positive because out of everyone in the cast I'd argue he deserves a bad ending the LEAST. Compared to what others have done, Madara is kinda,, tame. Not at all I mean if you compare vigilante justice and resorting to violence to protect your loved ones compared to say,,, martyring 5 students to the point of severe mental damage and indirectly causing mass suicide in your school, Madara's sins (at least, his known ones) are a drop in the bucket even if we estimate indirect casualties.

He's a guy that does bad and damages himself but never once did I at least perceive his actions to be malicious. If anything, I liked him for the fact that he does what he does to be better for others, and that singular thing will always resonate in my heart. I'd pull my hair out and bash my head against the wall if I had to summarize his character because he just ISN'T SIMPLE. I once tried to explain his lore to my sister and I ended up sending her a voice mail that was EIGHT MINUTES LONG and I talk fast.

Ahem anyways yes I do hope they don't bash his character story like whatever the fuck they did with other characters (coughs) (looks at the horror that is matrix) (coughs)

Also I forgot to sign off cuz I was in the middle of my shift but that was me ( @umiedibles ) wow madayumenon talking about Madara fork in the kitchen anyways have a good one I love your whiteboard posts :33 virtual milk and cookie for you 🥛🍪

tbh writing that made me realize id be disappointed if he ends up with anything more than a bittersweet resolution . a true positive everything turns out alright ending wouldnt be as impactful or very "madara". to me at least. after everything hes gone through the best way for his story to end imo would be to have him try and pull off a massive cataclysmic self destructive stunt, have his friends save him from himself (ideally kanata), and after its all over and his armor has been smashed to dust , finally learn to accept that things will never be the same again and thats okay. he still hates himself, he never reconciles with his family , but he stops actively trying to alienate people and starts exercising benefit of the doubt when it comes to other peoples opinions of him ("i dont know what you see in me but thank you regardless" instead of his current "liking me is a mistake on your part and im sorry for you") and that is the biggest piece of character development he could possibly have: accepting life as it is, no matter how unfair it happens to be

as for power scaling the sins of characters..... its unfair to say any of them are worse than any other. ive talked about this before but eichi, although bitter, was well intentioned. it tears him up inside to this day even. tsumugi was naïve. keito got lost in his own fantasies after obtaining a position of power. madara was provoked . and no one in the war got out unscathed. the only real dickbags in enstars are gatekeeper godfather priest etc

also matrix wasnt that bad . rinne is just rinne.

[k1spiegel]

hi. here is that list of games i've enjoyed this year that i talked abt making, now under a read more for your viewing pleasure. not in any order besides the order i remember them

links will be to steam store pages if applicable, if not general home pages, though some of these will be available on multiple consoles

Inkbound - an isometric turn-based roguelike game in mid-beta where you play as a Needless, a blank, "generic" character with no supposed imagination or will, accompanied by a Kwill, a ball of light that helps you along. i'll be honest and say i haven't paid much attention to the story but i don't think i have to when the gameplay is so good. i love roguelikes and turn-based combat both, and the amount of customization you can get from random items and abilities during runs makes the game difficult but not soul-crushing. eventually you Will figure out how to make urself almost unkillable. no premium store or pay currency, just unlocking and in-game currency.

Cassette Beasts - a 3D environment-2D sprite creature capture game with a nostalgia theme (made in Godot!). i played(/replayed) a lot of creature captures this year, with cassette beasts probably being the earliest and one of the most memorable. there are some parts of the game i'm iffy on (the music, some of the companion quests compared to others), but the creature design and element mechanics in the fight make up for it by leaps and bounds. i've got a lotta favorite beasts in this one. suggested esp if you like 2v2 fights.

Palia - if you've hung around the "cozy games" scene at all, You Know This One. palia is a casual mmo currently in open beta that focuses mainly around farming, questing, and integrating yourself into a new community (though that's not All you can do.) by "casual" and "cozy" i mean that there's no real rush to do anything, your crops won't grow without you there and there's no friendship(/romantic) relationship deterioration. play as you want when you want. also it's free lol

Dragon Quest Monsters: The Dark Prince (no link available; currently only on switch) - i have never played a dragon quest game before. i think this was the funniest way i could've gotten into it. a creature capture-creature combiner game in the dragon quest monsters series where you play as a young Psaro, The Dark Prince, The Manslayer, the future King of Monsters, and go through different echelons of nadiria(/the area where monsters rule) beating ass and taking names. i probably don't have to sell this to DQ fans so much but the monster designs are fun, the story is funny to me whether on purpose or not, and i like either using the auto battle for quick levelling Or giving commands directly to my beasts. good stuff.

Lies of P - do you remember a few years back when everyone saw the pinocchio soulslike and went No Fucking Way and then forgot about it? lies of p is the pinocchio soulslike (though it's much more obviously a bloodborne-like, or to be even more specific, a code:vein-like). i love it. the setting and characters is kind of insane when you think about how it's All based on pinocchio, but it takes itself seriously enough to where you just go with it and enjoy your time with P and the npcs. the gameplay is fast and fun, with a pretty extreme amount of customization (swappable and upgradeable robot arm, usual soulslike Put Points Into Skills stuff, weapons with switchable parts that can be upgraded or change their scaling, etc.) i'm just having a really great time with it and want other people to too.

Risk of Rain Returns - an incredibly polished remake of the original Risk of Rain, a 2d side-scrolling roguelike where you play as a survivor on an alien planet full of things that want to kill you. i have almost 200 hours on the original ror and the remake has earned At Minimum 200 hours more - not only do the original characters and stages feel refreshed, but there's now new areas to visit, new survivors to unlock, and fun challenges to beat to try and get new items or abilities. plus chris christodoulou's soundtrack is, as always, The Best. if you didn't play the original RoR, i'd really recommend giving this a shot instead.

SPECIAL MENTIONS (no links. im lazy.)

Guilty Gear: Strive - tim managed to get me into fighting games this year and ggst was probably the best introduction i could've gotten. classic weird as fuck characters and story + an insane soundtrack.

Lethal Company - you've seen someone playing this, somewhere or somehow. funniest game to play if you and your friends are wussies. now has arachnophobia mode (<- is an arachnophobe, so i like it.)

Fortnite - sorry

[twilightmalachite]

Machina - Test World 1

Author: Kino Seitaro (with Akira)

Characters: Mika, Sora

Translator: Mika Enstars

"What Sora’s been into lately… Hmm, there’s so many it’s hard to narrow it down to just one, though. I suppose he's been having fun building towns in SSVRS lately?"

Season: Winter

Location: Starmony Dorms Courtyard

Mika: There’s still snow out, huh…

Uu, so cold… Maybe I should’ve warmed up a bit before comin’ outside.

No, that sorta laziness would concern Oshi-san. I gotta keep on creatin’ without any detours…!

…I say that, but it’s not like I’ve thought of anythin’.

Nnah~, maybe there’s somethin’ interesting out here…?

Sora: HaHa~! Make room! Make room please! Sora’s coming through!

Mika: Nnah, Sora-kun? What’re ya doin?! You jus’ ran on past…

Sora: Sora’s flying a kite! HiHi~, you see what’s in Sora’s hand?

Mika: Ah, kite flyin’, huh?

That’s a tasteful way to have fun. Have ya been out here flying a kite all by yourself?

Sora: HuHu~, Sora was gonna invest himself in games he hadn’t played yet during winter break, but he wanted to move his body~!

There was a kite to fly in Starmony Dorms, so he borrowed it. ♪

Mika: I see. Sounds like a good change of pace from stayin’ home all winter, huh?

A kite, huh? Hmmm, kite… Maybe it’ll give me a good idea…?

…Nnah~, nothing comes to mind.

Sora: ? Searching for ideas?

Mika-chan-san has a gloomy color, huh~. Sora can tell he is deeply troubled!

Mika: Well, it means a lot to see ya worried, but the issue here’s…

(Ah, I know, maybe I could ask if Sora-kun knows about the current trends?)

(Sora-kun knows lots about new technology and such, right? Talkin’ to Sora-kun may give me some ideas.)

Hey, Sora-kun, could I ask ya a few questions?

Sora: Yes! May may be asked!

Mika: Thank ya~. I’m havin’ some trouble…

I’m actually at a loss on what to do fer my next work. I gotta be able to make somethin’ worth showin’ to even Oshi-san.

I was thinkin’ you could tell me what you’ve been into lately, maybe it could help me with my work?

Sora: What Sora’s been into lately… Hmm, there’s so many it’s hard to narrow it down to just one, though.

I suppose he's been having fun building towns in SSVRS lately?

Mika: Building towns!?

What a large-scale hobby… You mean buildin’ towns in the game world, right?

Sora: Yes! Sora builds while playing in virtual reality. He’s working with someone from a game company that used to work on SSVRS!

And, in the newly made “Test World”, in-game money can be used to open shops and buy furniture for a house!

Mika-chan-san’s good with creative stuff, so it may help him out! ♪

Mika: I see, makin’ stuff in a game world, huh… It’s amazin’ how much technology has advanced nowadays.

Nnah~, but thinkin’ of it, I got motion sick easy with the SVRSS goggles…

Sora: HaHa~☆ No need to worry about that!

The VR goggles have been improved a lot using the data from back then, so I’m confident Mika-chan-san will be able to use it comfortably~!

Mika: You were able t’do that…!? What fast work… I can’t keep up with this tech!

Sora: Don’t worry, Mika-chan-san will get used to it eventually!

Yuuki Sense~ is playing in the Test World now, does Mika-chan-san want to join in?

If Mika-chan could get inspired by the digital world, Sora thinks it’ll be worth it~♪

Mika: I ‘unno. It’s a world I dunno much about, so I’m nervous, but if I don’t try takin’ the first step, I might not be able to create my new work…

I’ll do it, Sora-kun! I’ll also get some inspiration from the digital world!

Sora: HoHo~, Mika-chan-san’s greedy for art~♪

Sora: Sora will bring Mika-chan to Yuuki Sense~ who's playing in the Test World, then!

Let’s all have fun playing in the SSVRS world! ♪

Better than one is two, and better than two is three!

I think by making the Test World more lively, it’ll become an even better town~! ♪ HaHiHuHeHo~☆

← prev | story directory | next →

[justwanttobesk1nny]

No I’ve been so bad with restricting this month. December really fucked me over with Christmas having to eat so much around family that I can’t remember what I did in October/november to lose the bulk of my weight and I didn’t even exercise! Just my steps in work and really high restriction! I need to get back to that in February. I want to be at least 50kg by the end of June, in time for my birthday. That’s 5 whole months. I lost 16kg in 2.5. I can easily lose the other 12 in 5 months if I stop being such a fucking fat ass and eating literally everything in sight.

I’m not stepping on those scales for a couple of weeks while I get my ass back in to gear, that’s for sure.

I clearly can’t let myself have cheat/metab days because as soon as I eat something substantial I cannot stop. Even when my stomach is screaming at me in pain because I’m so full I can’t stop. When I’m restricting and I know I’m liquid fasting or eating very strict foods I’m perfectly fine and in control. There’s no in between with me. So the metab/cheat days stop now until I’m at my goal weight, end of.

January has just been an awful month anyway I think. seasonal depression has been whooping my ass 7 ways to Sunday so February is gonna be my fresh start.

I’ve started taking my vitamins and thyroid medication again, it’s only been a week but I feel so much better in myself already. I’ve been going on the sunbeds (idc about cancer I’m gonna die someday soon, probably, anyway leave me alone at least I’ll die skinny and with a tan. Plus I’m in the uk and there is literally no sun here until that one day in July/august when it decides to show and I suck at self tanning and I’m also way too lazy to do it so give me a break.)

I’m also setting myself a very self indulgent, unnecessarily long shower/skincare routine to help pass time every day (and to look fresh and clean and feel good 24/7 because I keep letting myself go and I hate myself for it. Lazy bitch.)

Also, gonna treat myself to a fold away treadmill at some point in this next 2 weeks. I love going out on long walks and listening to podcasts and my music but the last couple of times i did it I don’t know… my anxiety really got to me and I felt like people where looking at me and judging me for being fat so I haven’t done a long walk in like 2 weeks. So I think having that treadmill at home where I feel safe and I can listen to/watch anything I want, walk for as long as I want and feel comfortable will do me wonders.

I’m also gonna buy a set of dumb Bells and start doing a little bit of weight training at home. Nothing too intense. I just want to build a bit of muscle because as they say the more muscle you have the higher your bmr - the more calories you burn just by living every day. I do eat quite a bit of protein in my omad and I have a protein shake every morning for breakfast so I do eat enough protein to build muscle I hope 🤞🏻

My ramble for the day, I feel like I haven’t rambled in ages 😂

[justanotherstarvingcorpse]

hey guys! i’ve been doing so good! i ate about 300 cals yesterday, fasted for 19 hours and got about 7,000 steps in i should’ve gotten 10,000 but i was lazy. i could barely sleep last night cause my stomach hurt so bad and i think it may have woken me up and it still hurts and i feel so weak but noticed i look slimmer when body checking this morning so it’s working! filling up with water helps the pain and i just have to remind myself it’s my body changing and shrinking to how i am supposed to look. i wish i had a scale in my room but maybe i’ll go to gym today to weight myself if i’m not too busy since there’s one there. my friend asked to get breakfast this morning which i never do but luckily it’s a bit of a walk away. i need to work on my portions when at the cafeteria and get healthier food which is hard cause all the food there is junk food and it’s all you can eat but he doesn’t eat much so i’ll make sure to eat less than him. i am also vegetarian so that is helpful but i am hanging out with a boy i like later so hopefully breakfast will give me energy to be fun around him so he will like me for my personality he said i was cute and im gonna lose so much weight i hope it makes him like me more. tumblr is giving me so much motivation im so glad i found y’all.

[killuaisaprincess]

How did you get the GonxKillu dolls made?

I’m assuming you’re talking about these Nendo’s?

Sorry for bad lighting I was too lazy to turn on my light

They aren’t something that’s made!

My real dream is to get a handmaid dolls at least for Ki 🥺 like a dollfie bjd custom made, but I am not really in a finial situation to ever really consider it anymore! But you never knowww!

First you need the Nendo’s!

At least from what I checked from it seems the Nendo’s for Gonki are being re released, so you don’t have to pay a 80+ dollar fee for them!

The bodies are the main component, you can buy the base Nendo’s if you want or go searching for just the heads, but in order to make them! All’s you need is one of these!

These sellers usually also sell clothes for them! As well and you can usually get free shipping pre fast if you get a lot!

But if you’re in a tight budget spot I would just peruse Mecari, like I got my third Ki and first Gon with the bodies and some clothes for only 80!

I don’t think I’ve seen any Gonki’s since, but it might sometimes be cheaper even to just! Look for other chars or just the body sep! Dep on your budget!

If you are an artist you can custom draw your own faces if you want extra expressions! I wanted more face plates for Ki, and cannot draw so I just bought parts from other chars, or in some cases these Etsy sellers also sell faces! The blank ones to draw on! And the ones that have faces!

THE HARDEST PART IS PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES AGHHHHH

but other than that it’s a fun process and I love them so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

3, 11, 54 for the fic asks?

100 Fanfic Asks

Hello hello! :D

3. on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story? Hmm. Maybe about a 4? I like romance, but I like romance as more of a background thing. If it fits the characters and the setting I might write it, but it really depends. Of course, there's different flavours of romance out there. So that's something I should consider too. Or at the very least, I try to consider.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general? As a *failed* historian and avid learner of 'I saw something interesting and now I'm 6hrs deep into this rabbit hole' fairly often. But I do suffer from getting lazy too. I sometimes like to apply things I learned in my life too that can apply to MGS. Or other fics. For instance, when I was still a historical reenactor, I ended up with a very minor injury when I got gunpowder in an open cut/wound on my lip. It burned. A lot. It sizzled and felt like someone dumped acid onto my skin.

Or how a soldier can literally sleep anywhere. I remember I was once on my feet for 16hrs straight. I went back to camp, and fell asleep (I'm told) standing straight up like a horse. I was guided to bed and don't remember it. I don't even think it was sleep at that point, I think my body just flat out QUIT. There's a type of physical exhaustion where you will just drop, just like that.

Guns also get very hot, very fast. A hot gun can burn your skin. Modern weapons I believe have more safe guards against this, but one needs to be careful.

54. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Almost none probably. But I enjoy telling story via the characters. I used to get lost describing scenery when I was younger, to the point where there was no discussion and the story got bogged down by descriptions. I've learned over the years that if I let the characters take over some of that, and write how they themselves are experiencing the scenery, the picture is a much richer tapestry and painting. And has the benefit of letting the flow feel more organic and personal.

Thanks for sending in!

*I say failed historian because health issues forced me out of completing my university degree.

[penname-artist]

[warning: long; TW for bad work stories and mental health shit]

It's not a great evening for me.

I don't know if it's going to get better yet.

I don't know when the storm is going to pass.

Most of the time my problems are only emotional. They only affect me mentally, it's only ever just, things happening around me, or, because of me, that regardless of my involvement I know I can't stop from falling down. But it hasn't taken turns like these in a long time. It hasn't kicked me in the stomach this hard in a long time.

I had just hit a milestone, too. I had been with the company I worked for for two years now, nearly to the day. That's the longest job I've held so far, as...rocky as it got.

I went home halfway through my shift the very first day I worked there. I was lost, I didn't know what I was doing, and then I made a pretty big mistake. I was so overwhelmed. I locked myself into the darkness of the women's bathroom and just. Cried. Til there wasn't anything left in me. I couldn't see straight. My body hurt from convulsing and laying tight in the same curled up position for as long as I did. I phoned home, I let mom explain the situation for me to my then-manager on the way out the door, because I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I couldn't do it.

I don't know how I did it, after that day, either. Somehow I got up, somehow I went back, and somehow I found a way to make it work. The people helped. Most everyone there was very understanding, supportive, accommodating. There were moments of course; oh, there were moments. Times the higher ups got to me. I tried my best to steel myself from a breakdown, but it didn't always work. And I think they thought I was a depressed robot when they spoke to me sometimes. I tried, I did try.

I can't say I didn't try.

And I think deep down they knew I'd been going through some heavy shit. I remember the day I got into an online fight with someone while AT work, getting up and pacing and sitting back down and just stewing in that agony (that my nervous system was also willfully ingesting as fast as it could because hello, it's work). Practically every day I scanned the truck in I would start fuming over the rumination of past situations and their shit outcomes. Sometimes it was anger and sometimes it was sorrow. But either way the scale tilted, I think some people knew.

We changed managers last winter, and I was a nervous wreck about it. I'd already seen many coworkers come and go, and it was harder and harder to trust anyone, people who just, didn't really get me, didn't understand how differently I behaved and how differently I had to behave in order to stay functional. I'm not lazy, I'm stressed, every time I sit and doodle on a piece of paper. I work too quickly, and then I have to sit there to watch the clock. I worried and fretted that my new manager wouldn't understand, and then I'd be on the curb.

I was so glad that I was wrong.

My second manager was probably the best I'd ever had in my work history. He wasn't just a good manager, he was a good person. He took care of his people. He learned from them, he worked with them, we all made it work, and it worked out wonderfully.

And he really did the best that he could've to ensure I was okay. I tried to leave then, when he first signed on, but he begged me to stay if only for a few hours a week to help the new trainees. From that point on my schedule was...flexible. I came in when they needed my help, and everyone was always so thankful when I could do so. I organized things they'd never have time away from the counter to fix. And even if it didn't feel like it was much they made me feel like it was a lot. I enjoyed doing it. Helping them.

The boss even drove me back to my house a few times, when I couldn't get my usual ride and had to walk (work is only a few blocks away from my house). Without hesitation, even. Hell one time I didn't want to bother him and started walking home, he realized and got in the company truck to drive a half a block down the road to pick me up to take me the rest of the way. I could not have asked for a more understanding person, and truly I don't think we deserved him, as awesome as he was.

It should stand to reason that's why it didn't last long.

The second manager only stayed for six months. He went on to a larger store in a neighboring town. We had another manager coming, and I knew, I knew...I knew we weren't going to get this lucky again.

I hate it when my intuition is right. I hate it. It's so right, it's been so right so many times. I could take one look at someone and tell you whether their vibe is great, just okay, or destined to become a weapon of your destruction. I've seen it before. And I saw it again.

Thursday was hell. Yesterday, even. Fuck it's been a really long two days. I walked in the door and sat to do computer things. Instantly, the new new manager - manager number three - makes a beeline for me and calls me to the office. The DM is there.

Joy. Oh sweet, sweet, motherfucking joy.

It's an evaluation, which is par at best. My position doesn't look good on paper, it never did because I was never a normal-case employee. I never worked the counters.

I received multiple write ups for no call no shows. I was scheduled for days I didn't know about, wasn't told about, and blamed for not attending because the old manager's system of schedule was no longer in effect. This wasn't my fault, this was the new guys fault and his lack of information. Oh, and following this information I then learned my shift for the day was six hours longer than I thought it would be.

That was the first strike of the day. After an hour of going to my work as usual, I retreated to the bathroom for a quick cry and to psyche myself up to deal with this new guy. Surely we'd find common ground eventually. Right?

I went to sit for a minute to catch my breath later on. Anxiety spiking again. He immediately found me again the moment I sat down and asked whether I was on break.

After telling him I wasn't (without him really replying but obviously not seeming happy that I was, y'know, sitting), I asked about editing my schedule to work shorter shifts. I changed to part time when my second manager came in because I intended to leave from the exhaustion of working full-time. My body has a fluctuating capability, and some days I can work just fine and some days I can't keep my head up and my legs refuse to work the way they should.

And he tells me he can't change my schedule. He 'needs' me for these two back to back eight hour days, so there's no changing it. I'm being bent to fit someone else's schedule.

Strike two.

After another bathroom safehouse cry ("I gotta stop doing this, what is wrong with me?") I complete stock and start putting things out on the floor. He finds me out on the floor and tells, in an asky kind of way that makes it seem like he's not telling me, to rearrange the entire wall of hoses we have in the backroom. Y'know, because I told him I specialized in store organization.

I panicked at the beginning of rearranging the hoses; I was so stressed already and I'd never touched these things yet because they were so oddly organized. I gave up when I knew cry #3 was fast mounting, and dipped from store reality for another half an hour.

When I emerged, I headed back to the desk where I could talk with my one and possibly only favored co-worker there, and do some stress doodling (for context my co-worker friend loved all the doodles I made, so much so that he taped all of them to the topside of the desk I was at to showcase to customers when they came in).

Again it happened: the moment I sat down, legs a tense twitchy mess at this point and in dire need if it, the manager with a million eyes finds me and chips into my damaged disposition again. Oh, what are you doing? Are you on break NOW? What's wrong with your leg now? Do you have paperwork for that? I can't have you sitting back here drawing.

I was rendered mute, mind a muddled mess of fight or flight. I felt like an animal, cornered. I waited for him to walk away, and I made my way to the computer to clock out three hours early.

I need to go home.

I can't do this.

I can't be here anymore.

Manager Man catches me again. What are you doing? Are you leaving? Are you quitting? Can you sign something to show that you're quitting?

Then and there, he had me write my resignation, shakily scribbling my name onto a sheet of paper. I paced at the door waiting on my ride, waiting to get out of this prison, away from this horrible person, away to tell my family I had failed, again, to leave a job the right way, to keep a job and work a job and be happy in a job, while my nervous system has a bloody conniption, and my knees jerk and twitch, and I get dizzy if I stand for too long or lift too much, and I can't ask for help, and I work through headaches and sensory overload and the constant, constant, exhausting pressure of just being a good employee. I just want to do a job well. That's all I wanted. And it's all I had to show anymore to prove I was just like everybody else, I'm not broken, I'm not injured, I'm not mentally unfit for work now...

But I guess having papers to prove that is my next course of action, while I'm out of a job.

I think I'll be...okay. I don't really know anymore. I don't know what the next right step is supposed to be and I hate the step no matter which one it is, because one of them will put me back between a rock and a hard place, and the other one is a crutch no one wants to believe is real because 'they can't see it'.

So...yeah that's been on my mind. And I already got to visit my favorite text hotline (again) so I've exercised all the professional help I can pay for right now. Might have commissions open again soon, might not. Never been a fan of commissions but I guess you have to do what you have to do. I'll post again soon if I decide to though.

In the meantime I'm still here, existing at home with my family and waiting on my mom's spinal surgery at the end of this month, which I'll need to be here for anyway.

Thank you to any of you who actually managed to read all of this, I know it's far longer than even my normal long posts are. I appreciate it. You take care and have a wonderful whatever time of the day it is where you are right now. Until the morrow.

[thepermanenttransformation]

𝗠𝗲𝗻, 𝗮𝗯𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘀…⁣

Deep down, every man wants to look good naked. We want to feel amazing in our body.⁣

Before you fantasize even further, let’s be real for a moment and see how are we doing with the basics.⁣

While dreaming about the outcome it’s easy and free, getting there is not.⁣⁣

I struggled getting abs, until I learned what it actually takes for an average skinny-fat l dude to get and maintain abdominal definition year round.⁣⁣

I was wearing baggy clothes to hide my body, even after a few years of working out. My nutrition was off ⁣⁣

The reality is, most men who dram about getting abs in a few months, and avoid gaining the fat back plus more after… are not ready to face the harsh reality.⁣

You see ads on the internet from coaches claiming that will get you “fight club”shredded in 12/16 weeks… Sign me up for that!⁣⁣

What they “forget” to tell you is what it actually takes to get shredded and stay there.⁣

They all put before and after pics on a landing page, but would they put before and after after getting the first result in? ⁣

Everyone is great at helping you lose weight, but a few know about reverse dieting properly, overcoming metabolic adaptations, and they forget they work with humans… not robots.⁣

So here’s the reality.⁣

1️⃣ The leaner you get the harder it is to stay there long-term… especially if you don’t have the experience. Hormones are out of whack, craving hit you more often than not. There’s a point where you look competition ready but feel miserable.⁣

2️⃣ Start tracking your macros and calories DAILY! Not in cups/tbsp/tsp/1piece/1slice etc. GRAMS/OZ/ML ONLY, using a food scale an a tracking app like MyFitnessPal.⁣⁣

Most men, fail at step one, or some even get emotional and they quit all together, playing the victim game thereafter - “It’s genetics!”, “It runs in the family!” “I don’t have time!”. Bullshit of that nature.⁣

This skill gives you the awareness you need to make progress long-term.⁣

⁣

3️⃣ You have to create and stay CONSISTENTLY IN A CALORIC DEFICIT! If your weight is not moving down. you’re not in a deficit. Period. A lot of guys get caught up in all sorts of BS arguments missing the point… caloric deficit! Not “cutting out carbs”, not “cutting out alcohol” or any other of that NONSENSE. If you don’t understand how to properly manage energy balance, you’re guessing!⁣

4️⃣ The longer you stay in a deficit and the leaner you get, the more frequent adjustments you might have to make, until you start seeing the shreds coming along. Most men have 0 idea of what that looks like.⁣⁣

5️⃣ Resistance training is a life-long commitment, f you want to keep the weight off and look ripped. Are you really willing to do that? Or it’s a one time photoshoot thing?⁣

6️⃣ Eating at restaurants what you used to, will also have to change once and for all. That’s the place where you can easily overeat calories, for yourself, and perhaps for some of your family members in one sitting 🤦‍♂️.⁣

7️⃣Ultimately, are you willing to completely let go of the person that got you overeight in the first place? And I mean forever! That means current eating habits, bs excuses, limiting beliefs around going to gym, limiting beliefs about your genetics, letting go of some lazy people in your circle? ⁣

Most men, stumble at step 1 or 2. I hope if you’re reading this, that’s not going to be you. ⁣

⁣

The life goes by fast, you can live it in pitty, and all sorts of excuses, or you can take full. ownership, and do whatever it takes.⁣

⁣

If that’s you, and you’re ready to break the pattern for good, we have a masterclass coming up in February where I’ll show you how to create a deficit, get the abs, reverse diet propely, and keep the abs.⁣

Comment masterclass below, and I’ll send you the registration link!

[certifiedwhore4slashers]

Scream 1996 Headcanons(SFW)

includes sidney, billy, tatum, stu, randy and dewey. reader's gender is not specified so gender neutral:)

pretty short headcanons. Mainly because I’m lazy

Warning: Slight NSFW mentions(not extreme) and obsession.

Sidney

-Would 100% be protective of you, due to past experiences of losing loved ones under "mysterious" circumstances, aka ghostface.

-She would be very soft to her s/o, so very much a cuddly type of girl.

-Jealousy rate is 3/10, she definitely trusts you, so i feel like she wouldn't get jealous. But of course, can get a tiny bit jealous if some flirts with you.

-Sidney might be slow with trusting you after Billy fooled her, but she would end up trusting her s/o, knowing you were different.

-This girl loves affection, but not entirely PDA, maybe hand-holding at the most?

-Sidney is pretty insecure, but not for reasons people might assume, so she would kinda assume sometimes you don't truly love her, but you assure her every single time you do.

-Sidney has intimacy issues so it would take her a while to be intimate with you but you’re pretty patient:)

-She tries to be there for you as much as possible and tries to keep you safe if a ghostface is in town. It really depends though if her s/o listens or not.

-in private she’s a pretty affection person and would rather spend her free time with you than anyone else:)

-Sidney would be in-between little spoon and big spoon, she would like cuddling but again she would have to be in a serious relationship for any of that, not a one-night stand type of girl.

-If her s/o is taller than her, she would like it because height doesn’t matter same thing if her s/o was short, height isn’t the biggest thing in a relationship.

-you two would probably have been very close best friends before dating, She doesn’t really date random people that she’s known for not that long.

Stu

-what can I say besides the fact that this man is completely fluffy? or is he really?

-in some situations, Stu can be manipulative towards you when he wants to be. For someone who Is always cheery he has a dark side.

-of course Stu stalks his s/o, mainly as ghostface so he won't get noticed.

-he’s a very cuddly person and also a big spoon, but sometimes he can be the little spoon, I really depends.

-Stu’s a very clingy person which is canon-? Idk for sure but it seems to be. His parents are never really home so having no parental figure he’s clingy and attentive.

-if you’re small, he loves it, sometimes teases you about it, but not all the time.

-if his s/o is taller, he also loves it, a tall partner is a win-win.

-as for your intimate life, he’s kind of on board with that and loves fucking, dom/sub it doesn’t matter to him:)

-Stu still is ghostface though so he does kill for you. Sometimes tries to scare you because he thinks it’s hot when you don’t enjoy it.

-I would say jealousy scale is a 7/10, you wouldn’t know that though by the looks of it but he is. Once again a very attentive and clingy person if anyone touches what is his then it’s over for them.

- he does get jealous of Billy occasionally, but he trusts his partner in crime.

-unlike Sidney I don’t think it matters to him if he’s known you his entire life or only a week, He could fall for you instantly.

Billy

-He’s a bit more complicated than Sidney and Stu just in the way he is a psycho but I’ll try.

-not really a big fan of affection, at least publicly and it depends on his mood. He’s got mommy issues so he does love affection if he’s in the mood.

-Jealousy scale is 100000/10, this man will not think twice about killing for you, at least as ghostface. He can contain his jealousy at like school or in public.

-tbh you were going to be his victim until he fell for you. He normally wouldn’t fall for someone so fast but you were different.

-so he kinda got obsessed with you, possessive as well. You’re his and his only, nobody else’s.

-sometimes Stu will help Billy kill people close to you or people who’ve wronged you in his eyes, delusional? Maybe.

-this might be Yandere? Idk, this is canon considering Billy’s a psycho. his possessiveness does bother you sometimes.

-despite falling for you fast he would have to have known you for a while, just like Sidney. He’s a hopeless romantic like Stu.

-Possessiveness is like 1000000000/10, He is a killer, after all.

-very manipulative, convincing you to date him in the first place.

-Like Stu, he would stalk you and get to know you before you became his s/o.

-guarantee that your life changes forever<3

Tatum

-she’s a cool and chill person, so She would convince her s/o to do crazy shit, like getting high or going to parties.

-very confident and tries to boost your self-confident a lot, if her s/o is self-conscious:)

-I don’t think Tatum is a very jealous person so her jealousy scale would be 1/10? That’s the lowest so she trusts you a lot. -being her s/o, you would join the friend group and maybe get along with everyone? it depends. if you're shy then maybe not.

-If her s/o is confident, then you would get along with her friends. You both would go well together<3

-Tatum would be intimate with you as soon as possible, with consent and would be soft with you.

-You would join her on her wild shit:)

-Being Tatum's s/o, you would get invited to the cool parties and sometimes get drunk with your gf<3

-She would be there for you in your darkest times and just in general, always supporting you and defending you.

Randy

-Randy is a huge softie, so guarantee he would be fluffy with you and cuddle you whenever possible<3

-You would watch a ton of horror movies, even though he could be very into them and go a little crazy.

-He is more protective than jealous? I could see that but i would give his jealousy a 3/10, i guess?

-If his s/o was a horror geek too, he would be pretty happy someone shared the same interest as him.

-Like Sidney, He would have had been close friends for a while before falling for you, just because he would know you pretty well, so dating you would be pretty easy.

-He would be very understanding and also your #1 supporter besides your parents if you had a good relationship with them.

-You sometimes visit him working at the movie star, kind of mess with him but not too often, you don't want to get him fired.

-Both of you are total dorks, but that is what makes you compatible:)

Dewey

-Like Randy, is a TOTAL Softie, but a bit insecure because he thinks you could do a lot better. But you assure him several times that he is good enough for you.

-Dewey is a bit shy so if his s/o was outgoing and an extrovert, he would be a bit overwhelmed but would love you anyways.

-sometimes, he is the big spoon, but could be the little spoon occasionally.

-Jealousy scale would be 5/10, but not extreme and is mainly due to insecurity and regret.

-He tries to protect you as much as possible because he couldn't save his little sister <3

-Very supportive and caring towards his s/o, comforting you whenever you need him.

-If Ghostface returns and you two are dating, he would try and keep you out of it, for your safety.

-So in general, Dewey is a pretty good bf:)

[literaila]

Hi!! I love your writing sm!!

If you don’t mind, could you pls write Matt dating Frank’s little sibling? Anything goes, it’d just be a fun dynamic I think :)

kid, jackass, love

matt murdock x reader

warnings: implied age gap, threatening, siblings, fluff

a/n: and welcome to this new series of blurbs. also, i didn't write any of the punisher era because i'm lazy. assume what you will. love ya.

*

"we can't do this." 

matt's voice is firm as he stares toward you. firm and strong and every single inch and ounce of regret that can fill his body. 

you're smiling. maybe just a little. 

"matthew," you say back, rolling your eyes. "there are plenty of things we can't do. like tax evasion, for example--" 

"y/n." 

"--or murder, or robbing banks for pleasure. i mean, we have a moral responsibility and all." 

"you have a skewed perspective on morals," matt retorts, and he's mostly joking. 

"there are lots of things we can't do," you say again. "but this isn't one of them." 

he swallows. takes a step back like you aren't going to notice. 

like you aren't just going to take a step forward. 

"we can't do this." 

you hum. "we can." 

"it's a bad idea." 

you smile, bigger now. 

take another step towards matt, memorize the concaves of his jaw, the pink of his lips. 

not that it takes long. 

"we can," you insist, with every ounce and inch of rebellion in your body. 

matt is sardonic; he is a storm, watching you. 

"we can't." 

he says. 

but it's too late. 

*

the first time you'd met him, it was with puffy eyes. 

which, of course, you'd been experiencing a lot of lately. 

not to say that it meant anything. it didn't. you were fine. 

"are you supposed to knock?" 

frank spared you a glance. "no."

the two of you stood in front of the door. staring at the napkin of a sign taped to the front of it. 

"on a scale from one to ten--" 

"don't start this again." 

"--how lousy are these lawyers?" 

despite franks annoyance at everything you stand for--irritation and stolen appreciation--you watch his lip twitch and feel a bit of pride spark in your chest. 

he doesn't smile very often, anymore. 

"if you weren't so stupid--" 

"i object." 

"--we wouldn't be here. this is your fault, kid." 

you cross your arms. "don't call me kid." 

"it's a fitting nickname." 

"i'm going to start calling you 'jackass' then." 

frank almost laughs. "language," he says. 

you stare at him. puffy eyes and all. 

he doesn't budge, but neither do you. you've learned from the best. 

"can we just go?" sighing, you lean against the wall, wondering how fast you would have to be to run away from him. 

frank glares at you. "you need the help, so no, sweetheart, we can't just go." 

"i'll handle this without you, jackass." you smile at him oh so sweetly.

"you're not going to--" 

but frank is interrupted by the door--which you had mostly forgotten about--opening in front of the two of you. 

you almost trip on the wall. 

"oh," someone's voice says, only momentarily surprised. the door must open wider because frank takes a step forward. "can i help you?" 

you push yourself off of the wall, pushing frank a little as you move in front of him, smiling pleasantly at the poor man who has subjected himself to this war. 

how to win? you're not quite sure. 

"hi," you say, instead of glaring at frank again. "i'm y/n. we're here to learn about zoning permits." 

frank steps past you, arriving at your side again, just to remind you that he's still got the upper hand here. 

which he doesn't. 

"you mean to say that we're learning about how to avoid getting arrested for trespassing--" 

"i mean for you to be quiet." 

he stares at you, you stare back. 

fire meets fire. 

you've always had a particular reaction to being told what to do. 

"so..." the man in front of you says, clasping his hands together and acting like he hasn't taken several steps away from the two of you since you walked in. "you need a document?" 

"i need my brother to stop acting like he's the boss of me." 

frank gives you his grinding teeth smile, turning away from you, and meeting eyes with the man. 

"you must be the other one." 

the man blinks, wide eyes. "i'm sorry?" 

"is murdock here?" 

"you know matt?" 

and then another door opens. and another man walks out. 

but this one isn't smiling. he's got a frown on his face, eyebrows raised as he walks over to the three of you. 

you barely even notice him, honestly. 

"frank," he says, interrupting whatever train of thought--whatever attack--you had. "what can i do for you?" 

"you know him?" the other man asks. a look of disbelief appears on his face and clears in almost an instant. "of course, you know him." 

"frank's a friend."

frank clicks his tongue. "yeah. i'm a friend." 

the two of them stare at each other for a moment--matching frowns. from what you can tell, they're sizing each other up. 

a very usual friendship. 

eventually, matt--you assume--clears his throat. "this is foggy nelson," he says, gesturing towards frank. foggy gives the two of you a little wave. 

and then, for the first time, matt turns towards you. his hand is overwhelmingly intimidating as he holds it out. "matt murdock," he says. 

and he has to be talking to you. 

"y/n castle," you say back, after a moment of silence. 

"castle?" 

frank's about to say something, but you interrupt him. "yes, well, frank here has had the misfortune of dealing with me for most of his life. siblings, you know." 

foggy nods. 

matt raises a brow. 

"yeah, okay. anyway..." you look at foggy, threatening him with every spare thought you have. "can we go now, frank? we don't need to bother them anymore--" 

"you need a lawyer." 

"i'll find a lawyer," you retort. "one. single." 

everyone seems to stare at you for a moment. 

"no offense," you add. 

"none taken." matt's got the barest twinge of a smile on his face. it's eerily familiar. 

"thanks for your time," you say, turning to leave. 

"get that look off of your face, red." 

you turn around. matt laughs. 

he's standing so perfectly chill in front of you. completely relaxed, completely still. 

you look between the two of them. 

foggy lets out an awkward chuckle. "come back in if you change your mind," he says to you, a bit of hesitation in his voice. "we'll take pretty much anyone in." 

matt nods. 

frank is still staring at him. 

he doesn't say anything, as you leave. but he's seen something--beyond the puffy eyes. 

*

"we can't," matt insists. 

but it's too late. you both know that it's too late. 

"matthew," you tease again, so close to him now, you can almost smell the guilt coming from his skin. "just give me a chance." 

"it's not you i'm worried about." 

you raise a brow. "that's concerning." 

matt sighs. he runs a hand through his hair. "your brother would kill me." 

you throw your head back, groan at the very mention of him. 

"he's made it very clear--" matt takes a step away from you. 

you move forward, pushing the boundaries. "i don't care about what he thinks--" 

"that's a lie." 

you groan again. "matt." 

he laughs. 

"we could just get it over with," you suggest. "you could just kiss me." 

"and then it'll be fine?" 

"it's already fine." 

"frank threatened me earlier tonight about staying away from you." 

you shrug. "his bark is worse than his bite." 

matt laughs at the obvious lie. 

you smile back at him, adoring how he hasn't moved away. appreciating his dimples, his freckles, the places you can't see from any farther away than this. 

"besides," you whisper, slightly distracted. "he only does that because he likes you." 

"threatening to murder someone means you like them?" 

matt has played this game with you before. 

"you're old," you suggest, a mere whistle into the world. "the modern world is much different than the one you're used to." 

matt scoffs, shaking his head. "just another reason why we can't do this." 

you stare at him. 

you will your heart to let this go. to just listen to him. to anyone besides yourself for once. 

but matt speaks a million unspoken words into the world with every breath out of his mouth. 

"god, you're pretty," you say, instead. 

matt blinks. he pauses, for just a moment. 

and then slowly, he comes back to life. 

"god..." he whispers, just close enough for you to feel it on your cheek. 

and then he leans in. 

and you can't let him go. 

*

next part.

my masterlist here.

taglist: @moonlarking@v1ci0us@hellskitchenswhore@preciousbabypeter@alexxavicry@directioner5life @amurderofcrowsinatrenchcoat

[solomonish]

Random Body Type Headcanons

I'm doing this off of a scale of ripped - a little bit of pudge- somewhere in between but here's the notice that there are more than three body types and all of them are wonderful. I'm mainly trying to spread soft Solomon agenda (literally).

CW for body image discussion!

Lucifer - a (very) little bit of pudge

Listen. He wants you to think he's ripped. He pretends he's ripped. He's lying to your face.

He is always at his desk!! The most exercise he gets is walking briskly from meeting to meeting and he lives on a diet of coffee and any leftovers he can find. He isn't big by any means but he's soft. Very little definition there.

Consider yourself lucky. You don't want your hip pressing into abs of steel when he asks you to sit on his lap...

Mammon - in between (toned-leaning)

He is a noodle. Very aerodynamic. But he's fast and can probably do basic parkour if his drive to escape is high enough.

Plus he's a model! And he does shirtless shoots all the time so he's gotta have a little something to throw out to all the lust demons buying his stuff

But he eats instant ramen and is too busy being yanked to the human realm to really exercise. And all he wants to do with you is snuggle and canoodle 🥺 so he isn't toned toned.

Leviathan - in between

He's almost, almost pudge-leaning BUT. He is an admiral and does have to train cadets and what not....

He's sedentary enough that it doesn't really build much muscle but he is surprisingly fit for someone who never leaves his room!!

And also he's a swimmer so

Also I totally believe in "wow how'd you get abs?!?!" "*blushes* wii sports resort"

Satan - in between (toned-leaning)

He is similar to Levi in that reading is a sedentary activity but he also tries to appear fit, well-adjusted, etc....

Working out helps him burn off the anger too. And if you're into a primal game of chase, he's been known to be more terrifying than a ravenous Cerberus when truly angry :)

He's so hoping for the day he gets to flaunt how he's more toned than Lucifer. Please MC, just say something about liking six packs even if it isn't true, he's BEGGING and would be the first one taking off his shirt at the dinner table

Asmodeus - in between

Asmo is fit. He works out and take meticulous care of his body. He's a bit toned but he isn't super muscular.

His charm is in softer edges and a body you're longing to hold and squeeze, not in the pure sex appeal of a muscular hunk. He's deceptively soft, something you'll want to sink into like a luxury bed...

His biceps and calves are very defined, albeit proportionately so, and he's very proud of it.

Beelzebub - toned RIPPED

Does. Does this need explaining.

Boy is so athletic you'll hurt just watching him go. Who would've predicted he'd be super ripped 🙄

It comes as a natural consequence of his athleticism but he also likes to appear big and strong as if he needs to prove he can protect you 🥺 baby boy baby

Belphegor - a lot little bit of pudge

Lazy ass sleeps all day hes got THE MOST pudge

Like. Idk if its his baggy clothes or hunched posture but he doesn't look like he'd be very soft. He just looks kind of rumpled

But he's SOFT AF. he says you're the best pillow but you lay on his stomach ONCE and you're never going back. He's like a giant body pillow for real

Diavolo - toned

Hes kinda beefy but without trying like. At all.

Ok honestly its mostly because Barbatos has him on a solid workout regimen to keep him in shape without him even noticing AND has him on a healthy diet. But seriously to him it feels like he isn't even trying

Much much stronger than he actually puts to use. Probably accidentally breaks things sometimes because he doesn't realize the progress he's making.

Barbatos - in between

The world's truest neutral.

He's slim, slim enough to wriggle out of your grasp, slim enough to slide into the shadows with ease.

But he's also solid, enough so that one look at him tells you not to lift a single finger threateningly or he'll obliterate you without a single spell.

Solomon - a little bit of pudge

He looks like he should be toned but you poke his stomach and he's just. Soft.

He doesn't really exercise that much and spends most of his time studying. He does go adventuring a lot which keeps him in shape, traversing ruins and running from dangerous creatures in unearthly realms...

He often eats most of his own cooking by himself, and he can't stop himself from eating Luke's or Barb's sweets. So yeah. He's team pudge.

Simeon - toned

All angels must be toned as hell so they can go shirtless and still look the same

Simeon has muscles, but nothing very defined. You can see he's strong but his true strength surprises everyone when it's put on display

Honestly there must be something in that Celestial Realm water. Between the amount of time spent at a desk and Luke's baking...man's should be team pudge but he ISN'T!! one of the universe's great mysteries....