#i also feel like i'm missing something huge to recommend but i can't put my finger on it. IT'S NOT NAVY PIER OR THE SEARS TOWER 🫵

[leefi]

Could you tell me more about Chicago? I don't hear it romanticized as much as New York or LA but I've always wanted to go to complete the large U.S international cities tour

Sure! Here are some big hitters from a tourist perspective. (Disclaimer, this is gonna be basic because I'm writing it rapidfire, so please don't judge me fellow Chicagoans 😭🙏 and feel free to add!!):

GREAT food scene. It can't compare to New York or LA by volume but what's there is consistently excellent and isn't as overwhelming as those two.

America's best skyline. I'm being so serious. If you care about architecture you need to visit this city. If there's one touristy thing you do in Chicago, take the Architecture Tour on the river. It’s genuinely worth it even if you aren’t big into architecture!

Less important as a tourist, but genuine, unpretentious, friendly people. Most of my friends are transplants from other cities and it's near unanimous that Chicago is the friendliest/most sociable city they've lived in.

Our summers are PHENOMENAL. Constant events, free movies on the green at Grant Park most nights, festivals, and BEACHES. People don't realize we have beaches IN THE CITY!! Because we gatekeep it from outsiders!!! It won't compare to the ocean, of course, but it's such a nice thing to have access to in the summer! (and beautiful to walk on year-round, which leads me to my next point)...

Our lakefront is 99% public access, with a walkable path that winds up and down the entire city. You can walk the ENTIRE trail down the city without needing to detour. My second biggest recommendation is to rent a bike and bike as much of the lakefront trail as you can, especially in the summer. It's so lovely - city skyline on one side and blue on the other.

The birthplace of improv comedy and a major hub of jazz, blues, house, R&B, and hip-hop. If you see an improv show while you're here, there are lots of great options - Second City and iO are the biggest. Second City is the "original" of the originals, and if you see a show there, I recommend checking out green street farmer's market a couple blocks down and seeing a show before/after. It's in a really nice area. I'm not well versed in our music scene unfortunately!

Incredibly diverse neighborhoods with a lot to explore wherever you are in the city.

Northalsted/Boystown is the oldest offically recognized gay neighborhood in the US. Andersonville also has a really vibrant LGBTQIA community and is home to a LOT of wonderful local shops and food joints. It's a really good "walk around/explore" neighborhood. Actually, both of them are. (I don't know much about the nightlife unfortunately).

Bar scene - tons of really cool speakeasies and dive bars, some prohibition-era. Worth checking out if you drink.

Rooftops. Our city loves a good rooftop restaurant/bar. I'd recommend this over riverfront dining. We've got beautiful architecture, a lake, and a river to admire from them, and you can enjoy them even if you don't drink! Lots of really good happy hour deals abound.

Chicago-specific foods to try while you're here: Deep dish pizza, Chicago-style hot dogs, Italian beef sandwiches

i am here and i am very cute and gorgeous.

Some photos to sell you! These are from google. My phone is dead and I'm too lazy to crawl through my camera roll but trust me it's jorjus

[beatrixstonehill2]

"This was me at nineteen versus now at twenty-one..... This sucks so bad! My transition was going so well, I was so pretty, my cock was tiny, my tits were big and full. Men absolutely adored me, I could hardly keep them off me. I miss having so many cocks rammed in my ass every day against my will, it was so hot! Ughhh..... I went to the doctor like normal, they tested my bloodwork and stuff. The doctor remarked that my cock was extremely small. I said I was fine with that and wanted SRS, but he smiled and said he thought I'd prefer it if I got to experience real orgasms with my cock before resorting to something extreme like SRS. He also told me I was very skinny for a trans girl my age and asked why I didn't want to be curvier. I told him I wouldn't mind a big butt and bigger boobs, and he put me on some crazy high dose of estrogen.

I rolled my eyes and agreed, because I'm a true submissive. Well..... after about a month I packed on twenty pounds and my cock was already five inches fully erect and I couldn't keep my hands off it. My balls finally got big and plump. It was so fun to jerk off. I used to need a cock ramming my prostate to cum, and even still, my cock would be flaccid, one inch, and barely ooze out one shot of clear cum. Now I was jerking off eight to twelve times a day, shooting rope after rope of milky white cum like a boy. I loved it SO much! Men loved it, too. They had a nice toy to play with as they fucked my ass. My cock became so red and swollen all the time, I posted pics of it on social media constantly! My parents were also thrilled by all the fun I was having with my cock, encouraging me to masturbate all day and go out to get fucked way less.....

I kept packing on more weight, at least twenty pounds a month. I tried to rationalize that it would taper off, that I wouldn't keep getting heavier. Plus in the short term I was so thick and sexy, and men found me even hotter, despite the fact that I had this huge cock now. Or because of it..... Six months on the new meds and I was about 210lbs, almost doubling my weight, and my cock was about a foot long, thick as my wrist, with two extremely generous testicles, both the size of a lemon. They were so hard to sit with and even walk with at times, but I could cum so fucking hard. Fifteen to twenty huge ropes of cum every orgasm. I'd moan like such a slutty princess every time, whether I was getting fucked at a party or at home, covering myself and my computer area with so much glorious cum, I never bothered washing it off. I loved stinking of it, sitting there, my fat belly jiggling, my boobs bouncing, my thick thighs pushing against my oversized balls.

But it kept getting worse. I got fatter and fatter every month. Now I'm so disgusting. You'd never know I was so sexy a couple years ago, barely any cock at all. Now I weigh almost 600lbs, and I can't stand it. I feel so gross and unsexy. Men want nothing to do with me, I'm just another smelly, fat trans girl who turned into a slob. I'm so fat I can barely walk, I just sit home, never bathing, never doing makeup or trying to look good. My cock is about sixteen inches, buried under loads of fat, my balls feel ready to burst all day. But my doctor recommends I don't jerk off, since my health is so bad and my blood pressure is through the roof.

The medication blew me up like a balloon, I wasn't even overeating, but now I stuff my face since it's one of the few pleasures I can still indulge in, even if it makes me feel even grosser knowing I'm just getting fatter. My cock is so hard all day but my doctor tells me all that excessive masturbation I like has put me at a very high risk of heart attack. Sometimes I'm naughty and push my belly down on my cock as I watch pretty girls on Instagram dance at parties like I used to. Their big tits bouncing, their bellies full of kids as they take shots and get fucked all night. I'm so jealous. My favorite is when I follow a trans girl who's nice and petite, getting fucked every night like a good girl, rubbing her tiny cock, only for a few months to pass, and I see her little cock grow to six inches, shooting thick ropes of cum suddenly. Her boobs get bigger, her thighs and butt get super thick, and she gets a cute belly to form, her pretty face getting round, with a double chin, looking so perfect and sexy. I push my giant gut on my cock knowing in a couple years she'll be just as fat and disgusting as me. I crush my huge cock, as my heart pounds through my chest, I moan and pant, and I finally cum, my chest gets so tight, my pulse feels impossibly fast and I make the biggest mess between my legs. Rope after rope after rope. I'm covered in sweat, feeling like my heart might finally give out, and slowly I settle down, my parents scolding me for cumming, despite how they used to encourage me to jerk off all day.... I know I'm so unhealthy and my heart can't take these heavy orgasms of mine, but it's soooo worth it, even if I am a disgusting pig now. I'm so glad my doctor put me on these meds...."

[autisticandroids]

au fics part two: canon-a-little-to-the-left

alright i'm a little late to the current round of @spnficrecfest. on account of I Hauve Covid. that's also why i missed the long fic / short fic round, and i will go back and do that at some point, but not yet. anyway. two fic rec lists for this round. one for true aus, and one for canon-a-little-to-the-left aus.

i may not be a huge fan of traditional aus, but i'm an absolute aficionado of things that relate to canon but put a rather different spin on it. i have been looking forward to this day (rubs my little hands together).

in order of wordcount:

patchwork drapery of dreams by tigriswolf, 1k, chose not to warn

a decade or so later, victor henriksen catches ben braeden. gen.

orison by whereupon, 2k, mcd

after it all ends, cas baptises dean. destiel.

kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep by lise, 4k, chose not to warn

a disturbing little story. it's all in the context. sam/lucifer.

sleepwalking the life fantastic by insanetrolllogic, 5k, chose not to warn

gen. it's 1995 and sam wakes up normal.

cheyenne by deadlybride, 8k, mcd

victor henriksen and sam winchester in the lebanon alternate universe. gen.

the following story takes place at night by beetlebeverage, 12k, chose not to warn

this one blew my socks off. destiel, but very strange. a season two au. the winchesters come across a cult.

i would most especially recommend this one if you're a fan of the first church at the end of the world, which should tbh also be on this list, but it's on my endverse list instead.

the white whale. by orange_crushed, 14k, violence and chose not to warn

generations in the future, cas still works with winchesters.

right of conquest should also objectively be on here but i recced it already [sob emoji].

freakshow by mme_yersinia, 26k

stanford era dean, and an angel in a cage. destiel.

the inexhaustible silence of houses by askance, 31k, mcd

some things are fandom classics for a reason. a destiel haunting.

back road, black road by eden22, 167k, violence warning

so can i confess something? i'm actually only about halfway through reading this, currently. which i feel like is against the spirit of a fic rec list. i thought of trying to put on a burst of speed and finish it specifically to rec it, but it's simply too long for that. and i just can't not rec it, it's way too good.

anyway, this fic is balls to the wall insane. perfect "what if the early seasons actually had the vibes they pretend to" story. specifically, kind of a "what if born under a bad sign was good and also was the entirety of seasons one and two" thing.

sam never made it to stanford, and when dean goes to pick him up, he isn't there. the level of gore and body horror in this fic raised my eyebrows, and you guys know me. i'm no slouch. half is dean pov, half is sam pov. the sam pov is actually my favorite because it's so insane and fucked. oh and it's also destiel.

[genericpuff]

Hi! I came here from your "lore olympus biggest whiff" blog about the finale... I've never read LO but I was always interested in it. However, after reading a few paragraphs of that blog (I didn't read all of it because I didn't want to get too many spoilers), it doesn't seem worth it. Would you recommend it up to a certain chapter? If yes, until which chapter should I read?

Honestly, if you want to read LO, I absolutely highly recommend reading the whole thing, or at least trying to. Not just to give context to the things we're all talking about in these communities, but also because it's about to go behind the Daily Pass wall on August 29th and it'll become even more inconvenient to do so.

I'm personally still a huge sucker for the first season myself because it just has that magic that LO used to have that a lot of us fell in love with in the first place; it still has its flaws, it's definitely the worst of the "Persephone looks like a toddler" era, but the characters feel a lot more real and a lot of the best, most iconic panels from the series come from S1. The first half of S2 also isn't awful, though the art does start to get a bit rough around the edges. It wasn't until the last half of S2 that I personally started to go , "Wait, I don't think Rachel knows what she's doing." That said, I didn't become a full-blown critic of the series until the S2 finale, which is where I firmly believe the comic should have ended (that is, if Rachel had structured the story better to allow for the S2 finale to be the overall series finale).

But you should read as much of it as you can anyways. Even if you can't get through a certain part of the story and decide to DNF, that's fine, but I personally don't want to be the one deciding for folks what they should be reading or how much. I also definitely don't want people forming their opinion of a work like LO entirely through my criticisms of it - the best way for you to form your own opinion, regardless of whether or not it aligns with my own, is to simply read it yourself. I know where I started to lose interest in the series, but you might not feel the same way when you read it yourself. It's definitely happened in the past that people have gone to read LO to "see what all the fuss is about" only to wind up loving it haha and that's great, honestly, I don't want anyone to wind up missing out on something they might like just because of my own opinions about it :' )

Honestly it seems daunting but you can easily read all of LO between today and the 29th, a lot of the earlier S1 episodes are relatively short and the actual pacing of the comic itself throughout the second and third season makes for a very quick reading experience, text bubbles usually aren't too wordy so depending on how fast of a reader you are, you can usually blitz through each episode within 2-3 minutes (that said, I'm also a bit of a faster reader so your reading time may vary). Plus the episode count on the app is also thrown off by several episodes that are purely dedicated to Q&A's, hiatus notices, etc. So it's about a 12-18 hour reading experience give or take, which sounds like a lot, but if you're able to read several chunks of episodes at a time in bursts, it can be done by the time it goes behind DP on the 29th :' )

So yeah ! I do hope you read it for yourself if you're really curious, and if you do, feel free to come back again and tell me about your experience! Did you get through all of it or did you DNF? Did it put any of my own criticisms into better context for you or did you wind up enjoying the series regardless?

Best of luck!! <3

[button-cat]

uhggh I just wanna get this off my chest abt pressure

ever since the new update, the games been less enjoyable for me. Not just bc of the zerum drama, but also the painter. The autoturrets are quite difficult for someone who’s played doors and pressure since release

and then there’s Sebastian. Idk but the ring left a bad taste on my tongue bc pressure isn’t abt romance. Plus it doesn’t help that both zerum and simps have been whining abt the “marriage” constantly

I just miss when pressure was a fish doors game and there wasn’t this much shit surrounding a new fandom

Yeah i honestly do quite understand you- I didn't really know about Pressure before until the collab between Pressure and Regretevator which got me interested in the game but i do understand how upsetting it is when something like a game, show, etc you enjoy ends up getting a lot of controversy around it- i have experienced it many times before :(

I haven't played the new update yet (being busy with school and plus- i prefer to play on the days that I don't have school- :b) however i have seen it through videos and- for me the autoturrets seem pretty complicated to get through, (this is coming from someone who has beaten doors as well as other games that are hard-) plus i have seen a video where somehow the autoturrets managed to get rid a bunch of health to someone despite them hiding which- uh i don't think that's quite fair- ;D i know pressure is supposed to be a hard game but- from what i've seen, I don't really like the autoturrets either- :b

I have seen many people upset with the change to painter- personally, i like both versions of painter (the old and new one- :D) but I do understand why people are upset about it- the old one I can't really explain well but it definitely had some sort of charm to it that the new version doesn't quite have- but I do see why the devs wanted to change painter :D

And about the marriage thing- yeah I don't feel like the ring really quite fits- don't get me wrong it does look nice on Sebastian but I personally don't think it quite fits in like Sebastian's lore- as someone who absolutely loves reading the lore of characters, I personally don't like it when things end up contradicting each other in it- like i'm pretty sure when you get sent to prison they take everything but i MEAN EVERYTHING you have on you, even rings- and even if Sebastian was able to keep the ring in prison, I definitely doubt Urbanshade would let him keep it after- and also,,,the fact that he also um- grew a lot. I don't think the ring is gonna fit on him anymore- ;D this may be silly to some people for me to get upset about something like this but- idk i just genuinely don't like when things in lore just,,, doesn't make sense- this is just my opinion tho !

honestly i also find it quite ridiculous how much people as well as Zerum have been making the marriage thing such a huge deal- the way how some people get genuinely pissed about it is something that I find quite concerning but how Zerum acts about it is also something that I find pretty strange and iffy and maybe kinda,,,immature- some of her comments i did see it kinda condescending and just- not really an appropriate way to like- react, y'know? It actually concerns me honestly- :/

I just feel like many of these things, especially the controversy, could've been handled better- from what i'm seeing, it does seem Zeal is trying to improve himself as well as the game by recognizing things he's been doing wrong so- i do have some hope that things end up getting better in the end !! I really like Pressure and I wanna see it improve and continue growing since it's a pretty good game !! ^^ i do wanna make some posts about Pressure (i did plan making a post about Sebastian where i just put show some of my headcanons about him with some drawings :3) and just- have fun with posting about the game without so many controversy surrounding it- :b

also, if its really affecting you- I do recommend to not focus on the controversy and also maybe like- not interact with the community- like maybe take a break from it !! as someone who used to like- get involved with controversies in the past, it can be pretty unhealthy- in the end, focusing on all of the dramas and controversies in the internet and getting involved in it as well can end up just- stressing you out and maybe even just your mental health get worse- which is why i recommend to just sometimes distance yourself from the community and game if it gets too bad- and do things you enjoy doing ! I may not really know you anon but- please remember that your mental health is more important, okay? :D (this also goes to the rest of you !! Your mental health is more important- please take care of yourself !!)

that's mostly all i wanted to say- sorry for the very long response btw ;D im a very huge yapper sometimes even if i try to avoid being one lol-

[lucy90712]

hey can u write angst with fermin?

I moved to Barcelona a few months ago but I've been so busy that I've barely explored the city my days have consisted of going to classes then going to my internship with a big law firm and then on the weekends I'm also at my internship as I truly want to learn as much as possible about what it's like to be a lawyer. Today however I actually have a day off so I'm going to explore all the tourist attractions in Barcelona and take in the city I now live in. My friends and coworkers have given me recommendations so my schedule is packed today but that's how I like things to be I love being busy. 

The first places I was told to visit was camp nou and the Barcelona training ground so that's where I went. I'm not hugely into football because my ex from a few years ago used to play and we broke up because he wanted to focus on his playing career so I’ve avoided football as not to be reminded of that time. As much as he has put me off football I feel like being here is as good a reason as any to get back into it seeing as the football team is so important to the city. My plan was to just look around as much as I was allowed to but when I arrived at the stadium they were doing tours so I took the opportunity to have a guided tour. The whole place was so cool and they had so many trophies and pictures from history and they had pictures of all the players now most of which I didn't recognise but there was a few that my friends had mentioned to me. 

After the tour I was really hungry as the tour took longer than expected so I found a little cafe nearby to stop at. Luckily it wasn't too busy there was only a few people in there and then one guy came in after me. Once I ordered I looked at the guy who walked in behind me and if I had my drink I would've spit it out because I recognised him straight away as one of the Barcelona players on the wall. I couldn't remember which one he was so I frantically searched Instagram then found out his name was Gavi which is one of the players my friends have mentioned as they think he's hot. I can't lie he's definitely attractive but he's a famous footballer so I'll just admire him from a distance. I was minding my own business until Gavi moved closer to me and started talking to me. 

"Hi I'm Pablo sorry to disturb you it's just you're so beautiful but I don't recognise you have you recently moved here?" He asked 

"Hey I'm y/n I moved here a few months ago but this is my first free day to explore" I said trying not to freak out 

"Well I'm glad you chose to come here can I get your number or your Instagram or something and maybe I can show you around at some point" he said 

I gave him my number and my Instagram and then we both went on our way. 

Fermin's POV 

Gavi came into the locker room with the coffee he always gets us both before training but this time he had a big smile on his face bigger than usual. Something had definitely happened before he got here and if I had to guess I think he met a girl that he likes because he has the same smile as the one other time this happened but sadly things didn't work out with his ex. 

"What happened at the coffee shop did you meet a girl" I teased him 

"I did her name is y/n and god she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" he said 

That name brought back memories as my ex was named y/n. We dated a few years ago now and I broke up with her because I wanted to focus on football but I can't lie I have missed her a lot over the last few years. One of my biggest regrets is breaking things off with her as she was a lovely girl, smart and beautiful but I imagine she has probably almost forgotten about my existence in the three years we've been broke up. 

"Here's her Instagram isn't she just so beautiful I want to ask her on a date I just need to figure out what she would like" he said showing me his phone 

Instantly I recognised the girl as my y/n. From her posts it's clear that she's moved here for law school and has been working with the biggest law firm in the city which doesn't surprise me at all because she's the smartest person I know. She's also had a major glow up she was gorgeous before but now she might be perfect. I wanted to tell Gavi to back off because she was my ex and I still love her but I can't do that to him or her I can't stop them being happy just because I made a stupid decision. Still I think he should know that we used to date so that I'm not hiding things from him especially if she tells him at some point. 

"Oh I know her from back home we dated for a few months but I broke up with her to focus on football" I admitted 

"Oh I didn't know you had an ex from back home" he said 

"Yeah but it was three years ago so don't worry about it she will have had other boyfriends in the mean time don't let me stop you if you like her" I said trying to sound genuine but it hurt to say 

"Thanks man I'm just hoping she doesn't have a boyfriend right now" he joked 

~~~~~~~~~

3 weeks later 

I've been sat in my car for the last few minutes waiting for Gavi as we are spending the afternoon at my place playing fifa. I saw him approach the car and he had a big smile on his face which he often does but his smile seemed bigger than usual. He sat in the passenger seat still grinning ear to ear which means that something has happened that he's excited about. 

"What's going on with you you never smile that much" I said 

"I went on my first date with y/n last night and it was amazing and she just text me asking if I'm free tomorrow to go on another date" he said 

"That's great man I'm happy for you" I lied 

Secretly I was hoping things wouldn't work out between them and they wouldn't get past the talking stage but that was foolish of me. Y/n is a great girl and impossible not to love and Gavi is a good guy too deep down I knew that they would get along really well but part of me hoped it wouldn't be the case. I want to see Gavi happy but it hurts that it's with the girl I'm still in love with. Don't get me wrong I knew y/n would move on but I thought it would be with someone back home not my teammate and best friend but that's probably what I deserve for breaking up with her for purely selfish reasons knowing it would hurt her. 

For the rest of the day Gavi didn't stop talking about y/n and how well they get on. He showed me pictures from their date and told me all about the messages they sent to each other. All I was listening to was the stories she told him about her life since I last spoke to her. Just like I thought she would she's turned out to be incredibly successful she always wanted to be a lawyer and now she's here studying law with a full scholarship and an internship with the best law firm in the city who have already got a contract ready for her once she passes the exam to be able to practice law. When we were together she was always focused on studying and being the best she could be and she always wanted to do the things she's doing now and I promised I'd be right there with her when she did but instead I'm hearing about it from my best friend instead. 

~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later 

It has been a long season but a successful one ending with winning the league which feels amazing. To celebrate we are all having a team party at Robert's house all the team and their partners are invited as they've been through the stress of the season with us all. The party started an hour ago which is when everyone was supposed to arrive by but Gavi is yet to turn up. A few of us have text him but got no answer so naturally we started to worry but just as Pedri was about to call someone to see if they knew where he was he arrived with y/n. They have been together officially for 10 months now but she never comes to team events as she's often too busy and Gavi says she doesn't like being around loads of new people which I knew already so it doesn't surprise me. She was clearly nervous as she was hiding behind Gavi and I could tell he was squeezing her hand even from a distance. 

"I'm so sorry we're late guys y/n had her graduation this morning and I insisted we go out to lunch with her family to celebrate so it's my fault" gavi explained 

"Congrats y/n" Robert said 

"I thought you had another year left" Pedri said 

"I did but I managed to graduate early as I've done all of my required classes" she explained 

"Thats amazing well done" Pedri said 

The two of them joined the party not leaving each other's side for a while until y/n came to sit down in the only empty seat which happened to be next to me. We've seen each other a few times in the time she's been dating Gavi but not exchanged anything other than a few words. She never seems bothered by me being around its clear that she doesn't have any feelings towards me anymore like I do for her. I wish I could get over her the way she got over me but I can't because I know it's all my fault. 

"Hey congrats on your graduation I always knew you'd be super successful" I said talking to her for the for time since we broke up

"Thank you it's been hard work but completely worth it" she said

"How have you been by the way?" She asked 

"I've been good things have been good with the team I'm enjoying playing at Barcelona" I said avoiding the topic of my love life 

"How about you?" I asked 

"I've been great life has been treating me well I've got a good job lined up and Pablo has been helping me through everything thank you for not being weird about us being together I know you guys are friends and I promise it wasn't my intention to date one of your friends because I'd hate to get between you two" she said 

"It's ok I wouldn't want to get between anything if you guys like each other it's not my place to get in the way of that it's been long enough since we were together it doesn't matter anymore" I said 

"Still I appreciate how cool you've been with it all" she said getting back up to go and find Gavi

I thought talking to her would make me feel better and I could move on and let her and Gavi be happy while I find someone else but that didn't happen. It just made me wish I could be the one to celebrate all of these things with her I would've loved to have been there at her graduation or be one of the people she called about getting the job she wanted but I'm not that person to her anymore. She used call me first when she got grades back on any exam she took and now I don’t even make the list of people to tell at all and that hurts even if it is because of my actions. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few years later 

The venue was filled with amazing decorations and people there to celebrate the special day the day that should be a happy one for everyone attending but not for me. Today is the day y/n and Gavi get married this date has been planned for months and I've been trying to ignore it hoping it would go away but here we are. Over the last few years their relationship has blossomed I secretly hoped that they wouldn't last but deep down I knew they were meant for each other. They've done everything together and if I wasn't still in love with y/n I'd admire their relationship and how perfect it is but I can't get over my feelings. 

I still remember the day Gavi announced that they were engaged, over our summer break they went away together and he proposed to her on a private beach during the sunrise with a beautiful ring and a bouquet of her favourite flowers. Everyone else was so happy for them but I just sat in the corner of the locker room thinking about how that could've been me and how I let her go. The wedding quickly became the talk of the locker room especially once a date was decided and invites were sent out it was supposed to be a perfect day and so far it has been. 

Soon enough everyone was seated and music began to play as everyone entered the venue at the end of the train y/n walked down the aisle with her dad. She looked like an angel her dress was pretty much moulded to her body and her makeup was just perfect. You could've told me she was a model and I would've beloved you she looked that amazing. She had a big smile on her face as she saw Gavi at the other end of the aisle with tears in his eyes which reminded me that I'm just here as a guest and she's not smiling at me. As the ceremony went on their smiles only got bigger and then it got to the part where they say their vows and there I wasn't a dry eye in the room. Most were crying because of how beautiful the words were but I was crying because I was thinking about what I would've said to her or what she would've said to me if it were us in this situation. 

Once the ceremony was over I had to find somewhere else to go to get myself together I thought I'd be ok and I would be over my feelings by now but I guess I'm not. If only I'd been brave enough to stay with her when I wanted to focus on football this could've been us. She could've moved to Barcelona with me and then she wouldn't have met Gavi that day in the cafe and who knows where we would've been. It doesn't matter what could've been because it's not going to happen it's time to accept that she will never be mine again and be happy for her and Gavi as they start a life together. 

[writingjourney]

I’m in need of some advice and kind words. As a fellow writer I’m really struggling to believe people will and want to read my stuff. There’s no real engagement anymore and I’m worried that if I post my long-form fic that no one will give it a chance. It’s really bringing me down because I love it so much but it feels like no matter what I try to do my stuff just doesn’t get seen or liked? I’ve even thought about changing my entire way of how I do things since I don’t think the way I write is working for the masses. How do you keep up the motivation as a popular writer and do you have an advice?

Hello anon!! I feel like this is something many of us currently deal with. And first of all I seriously hope that you do share your story!! ♡

To be completely honest with you the lack of engagement in the fandom has for sure impacted my own motivation which is why I haven't been putting as much time into longer fics (nor the Friday Nights series or IKNBS, I do write but I refuse to force myself). I don't feel any urgency because uploading fics hasn't made me as happy as it used to. It feels like only other active writers are reading fic atm and it creates a lot of pressure on creatives to stay super active.

I'm aware that I'm insanely privileged to have the engagement that I do have, that the type of stories I want to write are also the type of stories that generally seem to appeal. However, engagement tells you NOTHING about the quality of your work, only how many people are active in a fandom or like a specific pairing/character/trope. Your own unique voice matters more than numbers.

I also notice that a lot of people who used to read my works have disappeared which I completely understand. The fixation can ebb away during times of inactivity or when a certain hype dies down. People just don't get that dopamine hit anymore and move on. It's also entirely possible they get tired of a certain style of writing and prefer other writers at times, what do I know. I definitely don't blame anyone for that. First and foremost people should read for their own enjoyment and engage with fandom in a way that makes them happy. It makes no sense to pressure people into engaging. A huge issue right now is people overthinking these things which makes support transactional instead of genuine.

I don't care much about notes but I REALLY miss the feeling of sharing a fic with people who are excited for it, that sense of an active community. BUT the activity will come back – the movie will come out, new music and videos, heck even a whole new Papa!!! That's the natural flow of things. We can't be excited and super active all the time, we need phases of calmness as well (which is an act of rebellion in the capitalist hellscape of overproduction and churned out content. I am honestly glad Ghost is taking it easy).

Now, I recommend you write your story exactly how you want to!!! do NOT change it for the sake of popularity because it will lose its very soul and you will struggle to be happy with it by the end. You know how you want to tell your story and nothing else matters. It will find its readers or you can wait and share it at a later point. I recommend that you approach other writers and readers and intensify that contact, make friends and talk to them about your stories, hype each other up, share snippets. It's even more meaningful to know people you like enjoy what you do. I am currently working on super niche fics for non-Ghost characters and I'm honestly having a great time chasing that dopamine by just writing what I'm really into and sharing it with friends. Fandom is community, fandom is fun and we can work to make it better for everyone.

A few general tips when it comes to making stories accessible: Format them to be readable (paragraphs!!), add a "read more" break, add proper content information and a nice summary to draw people in, add some visual appeal like a banners or stock image edits (like i do for IKNBS) and then tag the fics with relevant tags (and only those). Also make sure to tag the OG post, tags on reblogs do nothing for reach. Engage with the community when you feel like it and it's likely that the community will engage back. Being supportive is worth it, being kind is always worth it even if it amounts to nothing.

[regulusrules]

New to your blog, I was wondering if you have a Merlin fic rec list that's just your favorites. I unfortunately missed the Merlin fandom back when the show was airing so I always feel like I'm just missing the greatest stuff from other people

Hello friend! Welcome to my humble abode of a blog (which resembles more of a Merlin waste disposal). Like you, I missed the show when it was airing, but honestly when you stay as long in this fandom as I have, you will constantly be exposed to wonderful creative energies that give their all. It's a timeless fandom, one of the very few, and no matter when you enter it you will always feel fulfilled. :)

So, favourite fics! Gosh, how can I fit 2K+ bookmarks in one ask. When it comes to this fandom, I admit: I have no life. I've read a real huge number of fics throughout the years, but sometimes it's inevitable for fics to get lost in a sea of bookmarks. So to make things easier, I'll write you some canon fics that immediately come to my mind for how unforgettable they were.

No order; each one has its own chamber in my heart.

Short fic recs (1K-50K)

1. Our broken pieces by @aramblingjay. 10K, T, Canon Era, Hurt/Comfort.

Am I purposefully putting this one on top this time so that everyone who stumbles across this ask could check it out? Yes. Yes I am. Is it my personal mission for the fandom to give this fic the love and kudos it deserves? You bet it's a big overbearing yes. And yes I want you to cry and feel your heart twist with agony because of how beautiful it is. My eyes never shed tears for a fic before this one, and never will after it. There is something in the way the author broke Arthur that just resonated in my innards. And the way Merlin was there for him, not a placebo "I'm here" but there, in all actuality, doing so with every fiber of his love, made it something else. I like to believe that this fic was crafted so perfectly in a parallel universe, and sent to us as a blessing we never knew we needed.

2. Beauty in the Ashes of Our Lives by Fulgance. 21K, T, Canon AU, Magic Reveal.

This is probably the umpteenth time for me to recommend this fic, but I won't stop. I can't stop. This fic ruined me so slowly, and healed me even slower. All my Merlin friends do not believe why this would be one of my favourite fics of all time with what Arthur did, but honestly, it's the fact that the writer wrote it so convincingly that makes me crumble internally. It isn't easy to write angry Arthur, and it's even harder to write him grief-stricken, but here, the author blended both elements so perfectly. It's impossible to forget this fic. It's worth your every second.

3. Linger On Your Pale Blue Eyes by supercalvin. 18K, T, Canon Era, Touch-Starved.

Will this fic linger in your heart? It sure as hell never leaves mine. Every once in a while, I have to go back to this fic and read it like a morning paper. Some fics sustain you.. this is definitely one of them. Most of @supercalvin's fics are of sustaining material. They are made with such depth and broad understanding to the characters that you should take notes. There's this one line that everytime I cross this fic I instantly remember and I go to the nearest pillow to just AAA a little bit. When you reach it, I'm sure you'll recognise it, and I'll be waiting for you to come AAA with me.

4. Dower the Stars by RurouniHime. 40K, E, Golden Age, Pining Arthur, BAMF Merlin.

I don't think anything levels the levels of intimacy in this fic. It is one of the best Arthur characterizations I've ever read. His boundless love and pining for Merlin— oh my heart. Also, the world building and amount of research that must have been done for this fic is astounding. I was this close from following the author's footsteps and, idk, writing an entire research paper about Arthurian lore or something. The moment I read it I immediately wanted to contact the author and just tell them WHY ARE YOU BLESSING US WITH ALL THIS INSTEAD OF PUBLISHING IT?? It was amazing. I reread it a month ago for the third (fourth?) time and found myself gasping and aweing as if I never read it before. It keeps being an experience every time, one so worthwhile.

5. from hearth and ashes, we’re reborn by @remuscariad. 5K, G, Canon AU, Magic Reveal, Hurt/Comfort.

Earthshatteringly-poetic isn't a made-up word powerful enough to describe the beauty of prose here. There are fics that you open and immediately know that you're sold: this was one of them. Its summary alone dropped my jaw down to my neighbour's floor. The dialogue is so meticulously crafted it feels like reading a piece from a past era. Genuinely beautiful.

6. Half of my soul by marvelxpendragon. 2K, G, Post-Canon AU, King Arthur/Court Sorcerer Merlin.

This fic is half of my soul, as the poets say. So what if I reject the canonic ending and resort to pain myself with fics like this instead? I sometimes feel we, as a fandom, try to up the angst of the finale so that we forget how painful it was by bringing even MORE pain. But it's pain that I delight in, because it's pain that MAKES SENSE. Yes give me MCD but with a freaking beautiful life like the one this author gave us. Make me believe it was all worth something. Make me believe they lived.

7. whisper to the flame by @missfaber. 16K, E, Canon AU, Wounded Arthur, Hurt/Comfort.

*clears throat* *prepares for a mental scream*TELL ME HOW YOU LIGHT YOUR FIRESSSSS *clears throat once more and pretends I'm okay*

So, as the author wrote, this is indeed a love letter to the two characters we love more than anything. More than anything, I loved the fact that the author gave Arthur agency to think and act and be a king, even when he was still a prince. Even in most fics where Arthur already knows, this isn't common. So whenever I find a fic that has Smart!Arthur and a lovesick one at that, I would vouch my life and soul for it. Also Protective!Knights is the best thing in the world, ok? I would die for this discourse for real.

8. As a Sea Shell by bathilda bagshot (wellthengameover). 12K, T, Canon AU, Slow Burn.

Okay, so this fic is only bookmarked "Agony until 7 AM", and with that, a rush of drowning memories always come crushing my soul. I lost sleep and SANITY over this fic. I was thrown from a cliff and kept hanging in the air without a respite until the very END. I read it a couple weeks after the finale and it broke me even FURTHER. I was promised growing old together, and it was a big LIE. And yet I love it so, so dearly.

Honourary biased mention:

9. My heart is readily yours by yours truly. 11K, T, Canon AU, Protective Arthur, Hurt/Comfort.

Sometimes I don't believe I had it in me to write this. Like.. what, dearest self, the hell were you thinking. With tyismso, I somehow balanced fluff and angst— a solid magic reveal fic. But this one? I only knew ✨pain✨

.. and I don't regret a thing.

[Long fic recs]

[aurorawest]

Reading update

White Trash Warlock by David R Slayton - 4.75/5 stars

Urban fantasy with a protagonist from a trailer park, who, for bonus points, got sectioned by his older brother as a teen. Daddy issues, mommy issues, and brother issues, what's not to like? I ordered everything else by this author I could find when I finished the book, including the other two books in this series.

The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopulos - DNF

Boring.

The Revolutionary and the Rogue by Blake Ferre - DNF

Boring, with the added crime of actual plot happening but still, somehow, nothing actually happening. I kept reading whole pages and realizing I had no idea what I'd just read.

The Red Scholar's Wake by Aliette de Bodard - DNF

OMFG CAN I CATCH A BREAK. This was such a disappointing DNF, too, because I'd really been looking forward to it. One of the characters is a spaceship and it bills itself as a space opera? Yes please. But after the initial marriage of convenience setup, it's just all a bunch of pointless, boring conversations. Nothing happens. I flipped ahead. Still nothing happening. Not a space opera but definitely cozy sci-fi, which I think I officially hate.

Honeytrap by Aster Glenn Gray - 5/5 stars

An FBI agent and a GRU agent get assigned to work a case together in 1959 and they fall in looooove. But oof, this book was so good. I'm not sure I've ever had a time skip hit me in the gut so hard. I really can't recommend this book enough, it fits squarely in my niche interest of mid-century America or Britain m/m romance. I think Natasha Pulley also awakened something in me with The Half Life of Valery K, because I seem to be a sucker for gay Soviet men. Speaking of, if you liked The Half Life of Valery K, I bet you'll like this too! Anyway, read this, but be prepared to be hurt by it.

Ordinary Monsters by JM Miro - 4/5 stars

X-men meets Strangers Things with a dash of English boarding school, set in Victorian Britain.

Human Enough by ES Yu - DNF

Promising until it devolved into boring, pointless conversations and tumblr posts on neurodivergence.

Olympic Enemies by Rebecca J Caffery - DNF

I put this down on page 12 and my wife grabbed it to flip through it, cackling at the amateurish prose.

Frost Bite by J Emery - 4.5/5 stars

Snowed-in cabin fic with an enemies to lovers romance between a vampire and a (former) vampire hunter. It was cute and a quick read.

The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner - DNF

Very Not Like Other Girls. Also read a review that said pregnancy was a huge focus of the book, and that's a squick for me.

Reverie by Ryan La Sala - 3.75/5 stars

This book didn't quite live up to the promise of its beginning (missing memories, bizarre disruptions to time and space) and the writing was a little twee at times, but overall I enjoyed it. This was the author's debut, so I suspect subsequent books will probably be better. I did feel like the teenage main characters were weirdly inured to death, which also contributed to me knocking of a quarter of a star from what would otherwise have been a solid 4 star book.

All Souls Near & Nigh by Hailey Turner - 3/5 stars

If you like The Tarot Sequence by KD Edwards, this series might be worth picking up. I will say, though, that it's nowhere near as good. I think it's a combination of pacing and too many characters that detracts from my enjoyment of this series. This is the second book and I enjoyed it more than the first, probably because I sort of remembered the massive cast of characters from the first one. It's one of those things where I really don't think they're all necessary and some should be combined with others. The pacing is also...weird. It's pretty much nonstop action. At one point I think the main character drove back and forth between various crime scene locations and his office like 5 times in a day.

That said! Despite the issues, clearly I still picked up book 2, and I'll probably read book 3 at some point. I really like the two main characters.

[tuttocenere]

Thoughts on Mefistofele recordings? You've convinced me (you and Samuel Ramey) so I'm gonna take the plunge. 😈

Hi! Thank you for asking! I think recordings of this opera are always missing something, because it's meant to overwhelm the audience with sights and sounds. But there are some good ones.

This is also for @skeleton-richard who also asked for recs.

The famous one: SFO 1989

This one has Samuel Ramey in it and it's legendary for a reason. I personally am not a huge fan of the maximalist production style and found it a bit hard to follow. But it's definitely a great performance. Probably the most fun of all of these.

The video quality, video framing and sound quality are not ideal, because it's old. There's a 2013 HD recording of the same production with Abdrazakov and Vargas. Still good, just has no Samuel Ramey in it. Pictures from the 2013 version because they're easier to find.

Also the devil is shirtless in most scenes, whether that's a plus or a minus lies in the eye of the beholder.

The one I personally saw live: BSO 2015

This one blew my little mind back in the day and I'm still not really over it. Especially the tenor Calleja has a fantastic voice for Faust. The stage is really beautiful and there's a whole lot of actual fire. Great busy dramatic crowd scenes.

In retrospect, I don't really agree with some of the production choices, especially the very cynical interpretation of the ending. But the recording has the best audio out of all of these. Perfect sound.

This production has a bunch of gross stuff in it - blood, gore, nudity, dirt, misery, and so on. The director opined that you can't put heaven on a stage so we're just dealing with various degrees of hell here.

The one I like most: Baden-Baden 2016

I've been posting a lot about this one and I'll probably post some more because this suits my taste perfectly. The costumes! The skull! The choreographies! The sound!

Prologue is a bit weird but it always is. After that, this production captures really well how it feels to be a over-educated depressive german academic who wants to be taken on an adventure by a glittering devil beneath a giant skull (and then hates it).

Not recommended to the photosensitive because there's a lot of sparkling and flickering everywhere throughout.

Some others I watched partially / long ago:

Palermo 2008 - didn't like this one overall, but Ferrucio Furlanetto makes a great Mephisto. There is a desperate "devil x person going to heaven" kiss that was blatantly ripped off in a recent TV show.

Staatsoper Stuttgart 2019 - very stereotypical Regietheater that still can't bring itself to let Faust go to heaven. Their Mephisto is very charming. Still wouldn't recommend this one.

Verdict

I recommend SFO 1989, unless you hate old videos in which case SFO 2013 is probably best. They're all on VK. At least the SFO and BSO ones are also available on DVD.

SFO 1989 is also on YouTube with English subs.

[other-peoples-coats]

coats hello :( weird question but i think i semi-majorly fucked up at work, do you have any general advice on dealing with that?

Hi anon! disclaimer up front: I am not a professional at anything related to like, mental health or employment law, I'm just a potato with some fucked brain chemistry and a willingness to read a lot of legal documentation.

that said: first up, I'm sorry, I fucking hate when that happens, you're 100% not alone and you're allowed to feel bad about it, but also, try and chill out. brains are shit. jobs are extra double shit. sometimes you fuck up and that's ok, you're human, you're allowed to fuck up and this isn't the end of the world.

second up: I don't know anything about what you fucked up, or how major it was, but like. there's probably been bigger fucks ups, likely even at your specific company/department. I can almost guarantee you that.

I also don't know what your particular job situation is re:how much going to your boss/leader/team and being like 'whoops there is a problem and I made it' will be detrimental to you - on the scale of 'your boss/person who keeps you employed' will be like DEATH TEN THOUSAND YEARS POVERTY (in which case: fuck them, most mistakes can be rectified and learnt from) to 'haha that's ok, lets work to fix it and make sure it can't happen again, no worries anon it happens', but you...will have a better idea of that.

either way, on the practical front: if what went wrong is something fixable, come up with a plan to fix it. doesn't have to be a huge apology tour /I will work day and night without food nor water nor rest until the kingdom is safe the fuck up is fixed / whatever, but y'know, if it's a 'I approved a print run and we printed 10,000 copies of this book which is missing chapter 6 entirely, has 3 chapter 9s, and misspells the author's name' (True story my wife has seen happen! on the milder end of the moderate fuck up scale!), maybe you're like 'I will re-read more thoroughly the approved document and run a shorter print run for quality/ work out how to organise our print schedule so everything is still done on time/what the fuck ever'. Leave room for your bosses to change stuff, because.... some people loooove to be able to Have Input, but be prepared to run with whatever you've got as a patch.

This will depend on your boss/organisation/field, obviously, so apologies for the generic sort of answer here. Some bosses fucking love it when an underling comes to them and is like 'hey problem (mea culpa) BUT it's not a you problem because I've already planned to fix it, just need you to ok the fix which you do not have to do any more work about', some bosses really want to be involved and micromanage it. or collaborate, or have eyes on something else that you don't know about that is also impacted.

Ideally, you also come up with a way you can try and avoid this sort of mistake in the future. not that you 100% will! but it looks good if you can be like 'I have learnt from my mistakes and in order to avoid them or similar in the future I will [whatever]'. Don't pitch this as a 'there's a problem with The Company's Processes'; that looks like shifting blame. (even if it's true.)

non-ethical corollary here: if your boss/job is the kind to be like 'you forgot to cross the t on page 15402, you're FIRED', and your fuck up doesn't actually endanger people (so like, you accidentally approved 40000 books to be printed wrong, not you accidentally put arsenic in the communal sugar pot) you might have to sort of. fudge it. a little bit. which I am not recommending, but also, like, sometimes you gotta 'haha whoops the technology demons anyway here's a fix to this totally unrelated to me problem'. This is not recommended. Do not do this if you are likely to be 1)dealing with the law about it 2)internally investigated about it 3)caught out about it or, frankly, 4)rewarded for the fix, but also, sometimes you just gotta throw some tech under the bus to make rent. It's shit. that's late stage capitalism for you.

Don't throw anyone else who's not related to it under the bus for your fuck up, though. That's dogshit behavior.

(please decide how comfortable with lying here you are. and how good at it you are. before you commit to this path. Which, again, I am not recommending, but also, I've definitely had jobs where 'haha the tech demons anyway here's a patch for this weird issue bye' was the thing standing between me and uh not making rent that month)

Emotionally, dealing with the 'oh fuck I fucked up I fucked up I fuckedup'...yeah. it's fucking rough. acknowledge (to yourself! fuck your boss, this is your emotional health not their business) that you did, that you didn't do it on purpose, and try and put into place strategies to stop it happening again, because even if your boss is like 'lmao no wukkas mate she'll be right we'll just patch it in post', you are probably in the 'I could walk into the sea' mindeset, and that's just how it sometimes be, because...brains bad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

second: be kind to yourself! watch yr fave shows or play some games to not think about it for a bit. do your hobby. talk with friends. talk with friends about times they fucked up at work even! talk to your partner/s if you've got 'em about it; my wife was the one who started me on the keeping a book of communal fails to have an outside perspective on how mcuh everyone on my team fucks up.

I would probably recommend documenting everything related to this in a separate file NOT ON A WORK DEVICE cannot emphasize that enough, just so you have like, a clear timeline of events should you need it. ideally you end up with like:

-[thing you should have done]

-[thing you messed up AND WHEN YOU REALISED]

-next steps you took

-what your boss did in response

-any other stuff - your plan to not have it happen again, potential fall out, etc etc, any messages you have abou this or related yo this, who you've told what and when.

Hopefully you have this just as reference for yourself later - both as a 'last time I fucked up this is how it went!' and also, honestly, as a story for job interviews when they're like 'so tell us about a time you fucke dup at work'. (which is a cruel interview question, tbqh, but an increasingly common one, in my opinion.)

or to give to HR. like, I hope it doesn't get there, but like. y'know. cover thine own ass.

And finally -- again, keep that record of ways other people in your team are fucking up, to just kinda reassure yourself,. maybe even make it retrospective, if you can remember any other issues! remember last month when Jenny accidentally emailed the client briefing to George in accounting instead of George in accounts? in your note book of communal fails it goes. not to throw people under the bus, but to get a more objective sense of how bad this actually is on the scale and how unusual. (weight it though; you're more likely to remember your own fuck ups than anyone elses).

But also like. it's ok. you're allowed to fuck up sometimes. I'm sorry that you did, and I'm not saying that it's gonna be fun or easy to deal with, but like. You're human. You're allowed to fuck up sometimes.

(also, anyone who is actually a experienced in uh. an even related field feel free to chime in here; this is hugely biased by both being Australian and the labour laws/work culture on the whole here.)

[onlyjaeyun]

Zadie, Zadie, Zadie I know you said Poison bonus chapter, but may I recommend something even better, Hype Boy bonus chapter just in time for the one and only Jake Sim's birthday.

The feminine urge to write a fic for Jake's birthday is just too much, like my heart says do it, but my brain says finish your Sunghoon fic it's already at 51k and so close to being done.

I'm out of plot ideas for the moment, which like I've sent so many, instead just enjoy some thoughts for the moment.

Once they start dating y/n is quick to realize when Jay gets mad, rather than possibly yell and all at her, he'd just invite Sunghoon to go workout, getting his anger out that way rather than possibly hurting anyone with his words.

Jay is the type that once him and y/n start dating, he won't let either of them go to bed angry, it would hurt his ego, but he'd put himself aside and apologize for the argument even if it wasn't his fault. He'd apologize and just confuse y/n, since she's be just be like 'but I started the argument' and Jay's just like 'well I'm sorry I let you start an argument'. They definitely talk through everything, and Jay takes each and every word y/n says to heart. The boys definitely send that one picture that says 'me and bitch don't argue she tells me shut up and I do' to their gc and are all 'that's u Jay'.

Once y/n and Jay are dating, Sunghoon would find a reason to be at Jay's penthouse every night, just because he wants the good food. Jay would cook all the good food while y/n bakes all the amazing treats, Sunghoon calls them his parents at least once, probably in the gc at some point asking Jay 'what's for dinner', and when Jay's like 'why', he's like 'ur my parents and I'm hungry'; this interaction gets him uninvited from Jay's penthouse for like a week, until y/n ask why Sunghoon hasn't been over to raid their freshly baked goods and Jay lets him back in, but limits his visits to once a week.

Jay said y/n can personalize her area, but she refrains from it, not wanting to possibly put something out Jay does not like. Jay however notices that she does not personalize her desk like he said she can, despite how much he hates it and it hurts him, he puts a few personalized items on his own desk, seeing those makes y/n feel more comfortable about personalizing her own desk. While he might hate the items he put on his desk, he enjoys seeing the joy in y/n's face as she personalizes her own desk.

Jay isn't one for personalizing anything, but once him and y/n are dating, he has a picture of her in one of his desk drawers and whenever he can't just look at her, say he's stressed or just missing her beautiful face, he just opens up the desk drawer and stares at the photo. The boys definitely catch him smiling into his desk drawer at some point, and then clown him about how down bad he is.

Jay officially goes to therapy and stops using his notes app as a therapist after he overhears y/n say guys that take care of their mental health are sexy.

urgh bestie when have you ever MISSED with these? i'm afraid NEVER. i literally cant post your other hcs because they're too similar to my ideas and would be HUGE spoilers but these are too cute not to and i just :( thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to send me these k love you sm

pls ive been thinking about writing a jake fic for WEEKS but life keeps getting in my way i hate it here sm 😭😭😭 might just edit and rewrite an old fic bc i cant not post on his birthday as his gf like come on 🫣

also: FIFTYONETHOUSAND WORDS THATS FUCKING CRAZY AND I SHALL RESPECT YOU FOR THAT FOREVER THATS MADDDD

And to add to the last part: he actually goes to therapy and his therapist suggested him the notes app part bc he knew jay wouldnt do physical journaling but needed to let out his thoughts 😭😭😭

[rainee-da]

🍀 rainee's info desk — this will include my blog rules, writing rules, request rules, and general faq that people often send me.

blog rules — what you need to know before you interact with this blog

❥ this is all-in-one blog — If you decided to follow me, that means you also consented to see a huge chunk of spoilers, ranting, shitposting, or post/works for other fandoms in your timeline. ❥ minors (except already mutuals) please do not follow — Because I might post/reblog NSFW content that is not safe for your consumption. If you want to interact with me, please put your age in your bio or I might block you. ❥ read and interact in good faith — I assure you that I'm doing the best that I can and everything I said in this space is made with good intentions. If you find me to be hurtful, politely let me know! ❥ be respectful and polite — I'm just a single human being behind this blog and and I have other life commitments outside of internet that will result in me taking a while to post some works, respond to notification, or react to your asks. I made this as a place to recharge and I tried to not put pressure on myself to do everything quickly. ❥ do not DMs me if you're not my mutual — If you want to interact with my about various topic or send some request, please use my ask box or the comment sections to do so.

writing rules — what you need to know before you read any of my works

❥ do not copy, translate, plagiarize, or put my work into any ai interface — I'm really happy that you love my work, but please respect it enough to not make it your own by any means. If you want to write something inspired by one of my works, I would be honored but some heads up would be appreciated! ❥ read the warning carefully — I put all you need to know (age rating, trigger warning, everything) in the very beginning of my work, thus I will not be held responsible for any discomfort that might happen after that. If I missed an additional warning though, kindly let me know through comments/ask box. ❥ request will be slow and my own idea will be prioritized first — I will write stuffs if I found inspiration for one, but I assure you that everything will be done based on its queue! ❥ I can't guarantee that I will maintain available tag list — because my brain is as good as a goldfish lol. I recommend to look at my masterlist if you want to find my work because I will keep everything updated on there!

request rules — what you need to know before sending me your request

❥ I only accept headcanon requests — if you want me to write one in oneshot form, I might decline since those will depend on my mood and it's rare for me to get in the mood to write for that lol. But if I found your request to be interesting, I might put it on my back burner! ❥ request gender neutral/female reader only — I'm not confident nor comfortable in writing requests for something other than those since I'm mostly familiar with and identify with those terms, and I didn't want to accidentally mischaracterize others with my work! ❥ request 3 characters at a time — I might include some bonuses if I feel like it, but there's no guarantee. If you didn't specify which character that you want, I will choose one randomly. ❥ don't spam — just send me one time, and I will put it on my queue list. Also; don't send me another request until I've done your previous request! (there's no way for me to figure this out since I turned on the anonymity, so this will depend on your own conscience) ❥ elaborate your request — just in case I didn't understand any of your jargon/terms/references, please do describe it as detailed as you deem necessary in your submission! ❥ I don't accept requests for 'canon x oc' OR 'canon x canon' — there's a chance that I would made canon x canon in this blog, but that doesn't mean that I accept those kinds of requests! so any of the requests would be canon x reader only. ❥ nsfw requests will be slightly restricted — this means that I might decline if it contains any of the following tropes that I banned (list is down below), and I will put those types of requests in the lower priority so there's no real guarantee that I will finish your request fast. ❥ I don't write for any of the following tropes — cheating, polyamorous, love triangles, incest, dom reader, rape, gore, blood, pain kink, piss, scat, vomit, kink involving bodily functions in general, pet play. ❥ I might not write for all characters in the series! — If you want to know what character I'm willing to work with, check my fandom list.

general faqs — I got sent these a lot in my box & dms, so I'll answer it all here

❥ Is it okay to submit ask just to chat? — absolutely! feel free to send me ask about anything! whether it's just some general question or your ramble about our favorite fandoms! but one note that I would like to add is; please don't use my box as a place to vent or do some trauma-dumping. I didn't know what to do with those... ❥ can I be your mutual? — please don't ask me to be your mutual if you're not writing blog or those I've personally interacted with often in this space. No hard feelings though! It's just awkward is all... ❥ what do you think of <insert controversial topics here> — I will not answer this kind of question. I made this a safe space for me (and others, hopefully) to escape from difficult stuff that might be found outside of my space, so I'll do my utmost best to keep these spaces discord-free! ❥ where do you get themes/layouts/edits? — I made them myself, and I thank you for liking them! though for those reasons please don't steal or copy any of my themes in this blog. ❥ what type of request will you reject? - I will instantly delete requests sent when the request box is closed, and those with mentions of certain tropes (list is above!) but I would like to highlight that I have the right to refuse any request for whatever reason and I will not be forcing myself to write if I don't vibe with it! If I rejected your request for reasons other than above though, I'll DM you!

☘ [BACK TO NAVIGATION]

[thedeal-if]

So after reading the Demo, i must say that i really liked it but there are some "critiques" that i wanted to share.

First of all what i really liked:

good lively writing(really liked the convo with our parents), Josh is already such a sweetheart and chrissydon't even get me started there, and many more.

Now what i wanted to critizise:

the text is sometimes a bit much and it would not hurt to put some more spaces between the big pieces of text, especially in the prologe, and well thats pretty much it

Now i also wanted to mention something for the clubs that we can choose from, because i really like the options there, but i feel like that there is something missing after picking one, so here is my idea that i wanted to share for that scene. Maybe after choosing a club, give us a inner dialoge or short mention that we got club activities or anything. As an example, i choose for one of my MCs the cheerleading option, and i think it would be fitting if there came a sentence like: "yeah, the team wants to try out this new choreo, that we thought of", just to add maybe a little bit of flavour text to the clubs.

This is all just my subjective opinion and you are of course free to do what you like, i just thought, hey why not share the idea(hopefully in an understandable way)

Anyways this got way to long, and i just want to say at the end, that i really like this story and look forward to what the future holds, much love <3

First of all, thanks for your kind compliments 😭💕. English is a huge insecurity of mine (especially as of late since I failed my exam lol) so it feels really nice to have my writing complimented. I'm so glad you enjoyed Josh and Chrissy, they'll make an appearance in part 2 of chapter 1 😆

I will keep in mind the smaller paragraph thing! I realise it might be a little overwhelming or uncomfortable and I'll make a quick update to change that.

The club idea is so good I can't believe I didn't think about it earlier I'll definitely add your recommendation when part 2 is released.

Your critiques have been very kind, I've enjoyed your feedback (I should really get an alpha or beta reader lol). Thanks a lot!💕

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey! I've been doing so much research on multiplicity for a while recently and I'm really drawn to it and am suspecting I'm a system. I am having a hard time knowing if I'm delusional and making myself believe that or if I can actually hear someone else in my head. When I think I hear someone else they sound so far away and faint and I can't tell if it's my voice or not. I'm missing chunks of memories of my life and suspect I have someone in my head holding onto them for me but idk. It's so hard to know and I'm not sure what communities I'm allowed to take part in so I can experience being in the community and seeing other people's experiences because I don't want to invade a safe space if it turns out I really am having delusions or something. I'm just not sure what I should do.

hey, learning whether or not you’re part of a system can be difficult, and questioning your plurality is a normal part or the process! if you’ve been thinking about multiplicity, and have gaps in your memory, we’d definitely recommend learning about dissociative disorders first before looking into other kinds of multiplicity. in fact, we’d recommend any questioning system to consider the possibility and potentially rule out a traumatic system origin before assuming it’s something else.

you can learn more about complex dissociative disorders in this post where we link some resources. please note that we refer to did specifically in that post, but many of those resources will be useful for folks with any sort of cdd. we aren’t attempting to diagnose you - just providing resources for you to learn on your own what might be affecting you.

if you’re not already, speaking to a therapist may really help you figure this out. we’ll always be huge advocates for talk therapy. especially if you’re wondering whether these voices could be delusions or potentially alters - it may be wise to talk to a mental health professional!

as far as wondering which communities to take part in, we’d say as a questioning system, you can be in any system space that you feel most resonates with your experience. however, until you have a better idea of what’s going on, it’s probably best to just observe or ask questions at first. this way, you can avoid talking over systems with different experiences (hopefully that makes sense)!

i think some other advice we’d like to give is don’t necessarily jump to a conclusion or pick a label for your plurality before you’re absolutely certain. questioning can be a long process, and there’s no need to rush to figure things out! take your time, go slow, and breathe.

it’s also okay to be wrong. if you think you’re a system for a few months or years, then realize they were delusions or something else after all, that’s okay! questioning and being wrong are both parts of life. it’s okay to take up space in a community, then leave it if you find you’re no longer a part of it. we thought we were endogenic at first, but later discovered we actually have a dissociative disorder - getting things wrong sometimes is totally normal.

hopefully some of this is able to put your mind at ease, sorry it got long winded! we know trying to understand or come to terms with something like this can be an uphill battle, but we wish you the very best on your journey :)

🐢 kip, 💫 parker, and 👻 ghost

[explosionshark]

hiii i just wanted to ask two things: 1. how do you find so much time to read as much as you do? i have several books on my shelf that i'm going through at a snail's pace, lol. and 2. with as much music you listen to, do you ever get a song stuck in your head distracting you as you read? i feel like this happens to me all the time

Hey! The answer for the first question is multi-part, so I hope you don't mind me rambling a bit.

The shortest possible version is that it's a mix of routine and the fact that (aside from listening to music) reading is my primary form of entertainment. I mean, I DO watch movies and TV, but usually with other people. When I'm alone and relaxing after work, it's usually with a book.

Tbh over the last handful of years I've noticed myself having a harder time focusing on watching shows or movies without being distracted. I'll go into something with the intention to focus and absorb and find myself eight minutes in with my phone in my hand, having to rewind bc I got distracted scrolling through my messages or my Tumblr feed or whatever and I've missed something. Reading is easier for me to focus on when I'm by myself because I can't multitask it. I'm doing it or I'm not.

Another thing that helps is mixed mediums. I'm pretty lucky in that the job I have allows me to wear headphones, so I can take advantage of audiobooks. Reading shorter books and novellas also helps make that book count bigger at the end of the year and shorter formats like that can help if you feel like you're intimidated by or struggling with a longer work. At the end of 2022 my final count was 71 total books - broken down it's 36 novel-length books (ebook or physical format), 13 novellas (sub 200 pages) and 22 audiobooks.

All this is very practical but a huge part of this is like motivation, right? Part of the reason it's easy for me to make reading into a habit is I stay excited. And a big part of that is quitting.

I love quitting! I think there's no wrong reason to quit a book. It sounds counterintuitive but when I was first getting back into reading, allowing myself to seek out books that were entertaining to me and to drop books I wasn't enjoying very much was a huge factor. I'm not saying there's no reason to read challenging books or push yourself, but people read for different reasons and since I'm reading primarily for entertainment, it's nice to give myself the freedom of not having to meet some arbitrary standard for "important" work and just to read about what if a lady fell in love with her hot boss or what if there was a monster in your spaceship or whatever.

Lastly, I'm always looking for new recommendations. There's a few booktubers I like, there's some subreddits for horror and SFF I keep up with, a couple podcasts I'm into, book review websites I check in on and, of course, stuff my friends push in front of me. It's easier to stay motivated or hyped up to keep reading if you're plugging into a shared experience, right? It's fun to share in someone else's excitement!

Anyway I know that's a long, messy answer but hopefully it's thorough. If you're having a hard time bc you're not really thrilled with what you're reading, I'd try putting it aside for now and looking for something to get you really excited. If you're into it but struggling anyway, I think you could try starting small by just setting aside 30 minutes or an hour every day at the same time and reading as much as you can within that timeframe! Make it something that's just part of your day.

And as for the second question - not really. I like having music on in the background while I read, so I don't usually have songs in my head distracting me. The only thing I can't really tune out is speech - it's really hard for me to read in a room where people are talking. If you're struggling with this a lot maybe try listening to some ambient music in the background while you read? Could help with distracting your brain enough to stifle the part that wants music, but hopefully not enough to keep you from paying attention to your book. Idk. (If you want ambient suggestions I'd say The American Dollar, Rachika Nayar, Olafur Arnalds, and Helios are all good places to start)

Anyway hiiiii happy new year, I hope something nice happens to you this week 💖