#i also feel like i dont see other people as different genders either which im more scared of admitting than the above stuff

[anadrenalineslut]

i have identified myself as cis+ for years now where i feel like gender isn't really a real thing but i recognize that other people see me as a woman and i have no problem with that but i do have a problem with being seen as a man and i would prefer to be seen as a person more than anything else but agender feels too like trans/definitely genderqueer for me to identify with because i feel so strongly about being seen as a woman and identified as a woman but i dont know how much of that is the fact that i know people misgender me as a man to be assholes and how much of that is me actually "identifying" with womanhood because growing up, i never felt much like a girl or a boy. i just "felt like me" but i knew that the correct perception of me for others is as a girl and so it upsets me when i get called a boy but not because i view myself as a girl and so to me "genitals align with gendered identity" ends up being cis to me idk gender is weird and confusing and i dont like it dont mind me just being weird about my gender on the dash again

[officialspec]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

ATIA for talking bad about my gf?

im a 15yr old transmasc for context, gf is 14 cis F

this is a bit of background, but ill make it quick. i've been dating this girl since 6th grade (im now 15 and in 9th grade). she used to be really open, considerate, and hot. she had a really cool style and i liked her a lot, cringe and all.

over the time from 6th-9th grade, she questioned her gender, which is understandable. i supported her whatever she identified as that week and solidified my support by making her things with the pronouns and gender she used. however, i was going through the gender thing too, but leaned to be more masc. i started using masc pronouns, which i expressed to her, and she neglected to use. i eventually went back to they/them, which she seemed relieved for. that struck me as odd.

anyways, over the summer, i had to be hospitalized for some mental health issues (i will explain further if needed, long story short, i was thugging it out) and couldnt make it to the last two weeks of school. at the time i didnt have a phone either, so i couldnt call her. to her knowledge my friend ratted me out for a self threat and i got yoinked from school.

so, i hang out with her over the summer, and shes totally different. skinny as hell, blonde highlights, and a different style. she acted the same, for the most part, maybe a bit more confident, but i didnt mind, it just freaked me out that she'd dropped so much weight (she was slighty above average)

fast forward, we're halfway through the school year now, and shes kind of being a dick to Friend (15F, who was friends with her first but whatever) Friend doesnt know why and i dont either, but its another thing that stikes me as odd in a bad way. recently ive been considering breaking up with her, seeing as she is being a dick, and also has a few other problems (cutting people off when speaking, speaking too loudly, not aware of space she takes up, not speaking openly about her feelings to anyone, etc)

ive been talking to Friend about this a LOT, and my gf seems to be getting worse in behavior by the day. i feel bad because it feels like im talking about her behind her back, but i also cant bring up any concerns directly to her as she diflects my concerns.

TL;DR, my gf is being odd and not nice or communicative, and i talk to my friend about it a lot and the consideration of breaking up with her. atia?

What are these acronyms?

[smiling-party]

I dunno if this is stupid but i don’t really like the trans rep in SparkleCare/CometCare. Like, theres no transphobia (or sexism, i dont think gender roles as we know them exist either) and a lack of internal sex organs. At least the uterus. Which, for me personally, are pretty important parts of being trans. Obviously a character could be trans without that stuff, but no human on earth is.

We don’t really see any characters transitioning either? Like, we see Uni before she transitions and after, but not really the in between. This goes for most trans characters i think? You don’t have time transition at all to be trans, I don’t want to come across as if thats what im saying, but for a lot of people its pretty important.

It leaves trans rep feeling detached from this world, and it feels more of an accessory- and thats fine! I’m sure a lot of people could enjoy and take comfort in the universe Kc has created, but its so dissimilar to what we on Earth experience that it doesn’t feel very relatable. Its fine for what it is, but its not a very good representation of transness, i guess, and i think almost any other depiction of it rings closer home.

Yeah i dont know if this makes sense or if im just a selfcentered asshole but hey🤗

- 🃏 (Joker Anon >:3)

Hello! Welcome to the blog!

You aren't a self-centered asshole, because this is an issue not just in SC and/or CC, but everywhere in media where there are trans characters.

We always see the before and after, but what about the middle? Never, at least I haven't seen any so far, and I wish we could see the actual representation of transitioning of an character becoming this gender to this gender, you know?

Also, I agree, I wish in the future we see Uni's starting to transition, and seeing the slow progress of her becoming feminine.

Not just Uni, but any other character as well who transition!

However! I'm glad KC is adding characters with neopronouns now, and giving them xenogenders as well! I think that's really cool.

Oh and making some characters trans in different ways, like how Barry doesn't take testosterone but he got top surgery, or how Marco takes T but didn't get top surgery because he doesn't have body dysphoria!

However I wish we could see nondysphoric transfems/trans women in SC/CC :/ I haven't noticed one yet (unless I'm blind lol).

[4thenookie]

Hi hi i heard you wanted some headcanons!! As always this is /lh, not meant to be taken that seriously, agree to disagree, yada yada all that good jazz lmao. Most of them are pretty crack-y in nature as well, they're just meant for fun lol. And with that, I'll compile my miles long headcanon list into (mostly) sorted by character for everyone's convenience lmao

- starting off strong with trans EJ! Idk why but do headcanons really need a reason? (I do know why) (i like to make my blorbos suffer 💖) (and also [diverges your neuros] [transes your genders] [homos your sexuals]). Also biromantic asexual king

- more EJ because he's THE blorbo. Boy is british asf and he knows BSL and is learning ASL. Touch averse as well. I feel like EJ would actually be a decent if not great cook.

- EJ purring like a cat when he's content/happy? I think yes! Also has a tail with one of those tail tuft thingies? Kinda like lions if you know what i mean. And the pointy ears (peak character design yaknow)

- moving on. I feel like Jeff knows how to play an instrument. Probably electric guitar. He also has like a bajillion band t-shirts. Jeff also likes to take long, hot showers but hates to comb his hair lol

- while Brian cooks food so bad/raw it could as well just still be alive, Toby is either a great cook or a disaster in the kitchen with seemingly no indicator for which one it's going to be on any given day. I'm talking managing to burn a pot of water one day and cooking a michelen star worthy meal the next.

- Kagekao is actually fluent in English and speaks and understands it perfectly, he just refuses to speak it. He takes great amusement in watching other people lose their minds over this

- speaking of languages, i feel like Toby would be bilingual if not multilingual. He speaks English and German, maybe even Spanish if we're going the multilingual route

- also. Oh my god. The generational difference between BEN "memelord who quotes vines like there's no tomorrow" Drowned and Slenderman is just. I cant stop laughing thinking about it. Any given conversation between these two is just a gamble on who is going to lose it first

- BRVR is kinds Lost Silver's pet but also not really? Like he just kinda goes wherever but Lost Silver mainly takes care of him

- LJ he/it truther

- Me and a friend came up with this which probably explains why it is cracky as fuck but hear me out. Jeff as a makeup artist. He made Slender look like Beyonce once. No one knows how he did it and how he's not dead (the answer, as my friend said, is "no one can hate Beyonce")

- i feel like Toby, BEN, and Jeff would be like. The chaos trio. God knows what will happen when you put the three of then alone in a room together

- i also feel like Brian sunburns really easily.

- Tim is one of those dads that wants to leave in the middle of the night for road trips / holidays to avoid the traffic jams

Hope this makes even a bit of sense and i hope you enjoyed whatever my brain spewed at me lol if u ever wanna share more headcanons or talk about blorbos or share character slander (looking at Brian and LJ (affectionate)) feel free to dm me!! (I dont mind i promise lol /lh)

hi!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg these are so so so real thank you for sharing them with me!!!! ill go into some more detail under the cut :)

to be honest, i can kinda see trans ej being real now that you mention it, ill definitely think about that a lot!! and i also hc him as asexual!!!! :)

im british and i claim ej as one of us lmaooo

i absolutely agree w the purring thing!!! i think ej does a lot of cat things idk :)))) i love all of your ej headcanons!!!

tbh i can see jeff either playing electric guitar like you said or maybe drums?? just any instrument he can go ham on when hes mad lmao

in my hc he has the worst case of chronic greasy hair and he doesnt want to do anything about it

cooking hcs are so real brian can NOT cook!!!!!!! toby will either serve you some 5 star gourmet shit or some rotten takeout he found during a dumpster dive

omg omg omg I hardly see anybody talk about kagekao!!!!!! i totally agree he would do that lmaooo

idk if its canon or not but i read somewhere that tobys German so i totally agree that hed be bilingual!!!

oh my god BEN whos native language is memes meets grandpa slendy that would be so funny

in 4 words youve converted me into a fellow he/it LJ truther!!!! could we consider he/it ej too? maybe??

ik you said it was a cracky hc but i can actually kinda see jeff being good at makeup??? like one of those things where he tries it once and it's the most drop dead gorgeous makeup look you've EVER seen and everyones like how did you do that

toby BEN and jeff are an absolute riot when rheyre together lmao

omg i never thought about it but brian sunburning super easy is so real!! and in summer he always wears sunglasses so he has like an unburnt patch on his face where his sunglasses were yk??

OMG YES LMAOOOOO "guys get up our flights in 10 hours WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he would 100% have a checklist or 3

thank you so much for sharing these with me!! i hope you dont mind me adding my own thoughts lol but theyre so much fun to think about!!!! if you ever wanna slander lj and brian with someone feel free to dm me lmao!!!!!! take care <33333

[suffarustuffaru]

actually here’s an interesting question that’s been in my head for a hot minute now: what do you think a crusch if/other faction if would look like?

one of my favorite characters has always been crusch (probably my favorite aside from julius?), and interestingly it was the moment after the battle of the white whale that sold her for me- her convo with subaru was so genuine and full of respect and it since then has stood out amongst my favorites since it’s one of the first times subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized for his decisions ^_^

it also piqued my interest because there’s definitely implications/said somewhere that if subaru met crusch first he’d choose her, which makes me think about how that dynamic would play out, ya know? like we haven’t really gotten a huge expansion on crusch herself as we have with anastasia/pricilla and soon felt

also a crusch: if would toootally have different relationships defining wilhelm & felix too and basically everyone else lol

love ur analyses keep up da good work fam!!!!!!!

YO its cool seeing a crusch fan around :DD !! also thank you very much for liking my analysis posts pfft. also whew….. ive been writing my answer for this ask on and off for a while hah its super long oops wkdndnsn

but ok its super interesting to hear what drew you to crusch in the first place - crusch is a character im definitely interested in (i would LOVE to see her finally expanded upon!!) and shes such a respectable person for sure <3 and you definitely have a point that its one of the first time subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized!! though i didnt know that there were implications that if subaru met crusch first he'd choose her - i suppose that makes sense in that subaru really respects and likes crusch, and hes such a moldable character - for lack of a better term - bc its sooo easy for him to go in all sorts of different directions. a crusch if is an interesting possibility and im sure it absolutely wouldve happened in some form in some other universe :O !!

alright. as for a crusch if - yeah youre right, thered be such a different dynamic between subaru, the crusch camp, and everyone around them. :o im not Entirely sure how a crusch if would go but i certainly have ideas!!! though im not sure if im entirely an expert on them given i still havent finished the wilhelm-centric ex novels or read many crusch camp stories, but i did read ex 1 and 4 and enjoyed them quite a lot <3 along with you know, the main route. but i do really like the crusch camp and i hope theyre expanded upon eventually.

gonna put More thoughts under the cut (note that i have a Lot of opinions on the crusch camp hah):

ok first of all. i think that the crusch camp Does have a little wasted potential in canon and i think that crusch if is the perfect opportunity to explore Everything with crusch camp. just in the sense that you know, crusch hasnt been expanded upon just yet. not that felt has been expanded upon much either but at least we get a lot of details about her and her whole backstory with being a member of the royal family + her relationship with rom opens itself up to a lot of possibilities (theres a lot of History going around in the felt camp regarding felt, reinhard, carol and grimm, rom, etc being in the same camp given their family connections, demihuman war history, etc).

and not that we Dont get details about crusch of course, but i feel that even in her Own centric content, shes a little overshadowed by Everyone else sometimes. like i WANT to focus more on crusch as a person!! she gets cool moments yeah, but as much as i enjoyed reading ex1 im forever gonna be salty that her plot in ex1 was like about people having problems with her gender expression (ill go into this again later bc i know its connected to that plot point of crusch as a noble leader vs crusch as. a woman.) for more than half the runtime and everyone around her was discussing about what to do with her. and then in main route shes put through the RINGER between being cut down by gluttony, having her memories erased, and the dragon blood in arc 5 - and yet it STILL feels like the story doesnt focus enough on HER own pain. how is SHE feeling about this????? shes getting her shit rocked left and right and her sense of identity is being shaken along with it (see: her becoming more shy and withdrawn after her memories are gone) and yet i feel like we STILL dont hear about her Directly enough T^T

and also i Dont like that in the main route, the crusch camps connections to the royal family (with wilhelm being assigned to aid the royal family and bc of that heinkel was assigned to the white whale and so theresia went in heinkels stead + ferris and crusch's relationships with fourier) ARENT that explored. esp when like felt comes into play publically in arc 3 and the crusch camp BARELY REACTS. YOU THINK THEY WOULD REACT MORE TO FELT BEING HERE AND REINHARD SPONSORING FELT. its especially kind of painful after you read ex1 and its like ?? so why didnt they react more to felt being there??? related to + looking exactly like crusch and ferris's dead boyfriend, nonetheless, esp when their goal is to kill the dragon bc the royal family all died as far as they knew and NOW theres someone in the royal family that actually lived???? whos a rival for the throne now??? also i feel like the potential of like. ferris and wilhelms dynamic isnt explored either. like i have to wonder how they seem like theyre on decent/good terms in canon when ferris is friends with reinhard, wilhelms role in the demihuman war, and also wilhelm fucking up his family (with ferris being Aware of a lot of reinhards family situation, of course). and also of course wilhelm has Things going on with rom and carol and grimm bc demihuman war... ex novel things...

so like i think that inherently the crusch and felt camps ARE kind of sort of intertwined in this way bc of ALL these reasons. so i think if youre exploring crusch camp content all of this SHOULD be acknowledged. or maybe thats the felt camp fan in me talking but i DO GENUINELY THINK THE CRUSCH AND FELT CAMPS ARE CONNECTED A LOT ☝️☝️☝️

and so ok back to crusch if things!!!! i have no idea how the Exact plot goes but like i think this is all very dependent on how the crusch if divergence even starts. which Makes sense but yeah :o i mean i feel like i can only see it happening right from the get go in arc 1. and also this goes with what you said - if subaru met them first he'd probs choose to join them. but tbh i also kinda sort of like the possibility that maybe at least Some of arc 1 still happened in another font so subaru can be like "yeah lol this blond girl with red eyes was there along with this giant dude and t -" and crusch and ferris are thinking "OK IT COULD BE ANY RANDOM GIRL WITH BLOND HAIR AND RED EYES THATS NOT A COMPLETE GUARANTEE ITS SOMEONE FROM THE ROYAL FAMILY RIGHT??" and also wilhelms gonna vaguely go "hey whats this giants name again....." anyway yeah gotta plant those seeds for future plot things???? yes. also its a good segue into subaru learning more crusch camp related history yes. maybe that (subarus arc 1 info) is what allows him to join crusch camp too????? yeah im having trouble brainstorming ideas on how he even joins the camp but im guessing its a “subaru accidentally stumbles across stuff and crusch camp is like well i guess we just Kinda have to let you in……. like taking pity on a stray kitten…… maybe youll be useful… and also we do pity you a bit yeah you seem very lost” thing. 👍👍👍

(or alternatively you could have subaru branch off into crusch camp at arc 3 or smth given hes like actually physically at their place and away from emilia camp now but at the same time i doubt that could even happen given the position he was in arc 3???? like post-royal selection drama?? yeah i dont really see it happening imo HAH)

anyway. yeah so its like. inevitably subaru is gonna figure out you know the history behind all of the others in the crusch camp. like whether thats by doing his own research - especially bc you know wilhelm, crusch, ferris are all very well known by this point and have all kinds of rumors and info on them flying around - and also like. by getting closer with everyone. i think that if subaru joined crusch camp early, either he knows hes got rbd bc of arc 1 and manages to avoid it for a while, is my guess, given crusch camp doesnt get involved in life threatening things until. the white whale.

but until then i think subarus probably not gonna die. and i think hes probs gonna be in Fear of that happening again, maybe he blocks out a bit of arc 1 some more bc ahhaah i havent died or anything in so long so surely that never happened. maybe he tries to tell crusch once he gets closer with her or maybe he doesnt try at all bc hahaha did that even happen???? or maybe he asks her about her dp and if its Only about truths from that persons pov rather than Fact and shes like "yeah no its personal truths only, so even if someone is completely wrong about a fact but Believes it wholeheartedly its still gonna register as the truth" and hes like FUCK ok. smth like that?? yes. gotta give him inner turmoil even when hes not actively in danger. bc he Would have that yes. but either way i think he’d be curious and wanna know the specifics of her dp anyway!!!

yeah so anyway the white whale happens and subarus whole shit gets wrecked oops.... and my guess is that you know hes gonna loop a whole shit ton of times and its gonna be complete and utter hell for him. but also this is kind of a little bit dependent on how exactly the royal selection goes for him - but i HIGHLY doubt itd go the same as canon. i doubt he’d even make a scene, tbh—i mean assuming subaru joins crusch camp very early somehow, between crusch and ferris and wilhelm the three of them are gonna Really whip him into shape. metaphorically beat his s1 flaws out of him. bc like—i mean in canon subaru Did learn and grow yes, but he didnt Have to learn everything so harshly (ok but canon subaru Did have to get beat in the duel though or he wouldve died skcbsnd but i still think that subaru can still learn the same lessons more Gently whenever possible. hes a normal teenage boy trying his best!!). i think crusch camp would be good for him in this way, i mean crusch is a very duty-focused person and ferris and wilhelm are blunt people. ferris especially is not gonna take any bullshit wkdndnd (ESPECIALLY when subaru could humiliate crusch and the entire camp) and wilhelm sees himself in subaru and is gonna go “ah…….. you should. not act like that. let me train you.” and ALSO im a firm believer and enjoyer in the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship and i think that reinhard ESPECIALLY must have communicated with crusch camp about felt before arc 3, otherwise crusch camp wouldve had a stronger reaction to felts grand entrance into the royal selection. also if subarus getting closer to crusch camp then of course he figures out stuff like the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship.

again not entirely sure about specific plot beats but depending on how things go emilia camp may or may not get royally fucked (as an emilia camp enjoyer im very saddened by this 😔) but i DO feel like subaru would still be sympathetic towards them in a crusch if. and also theres Definitely gonna be at least one loop during arc 3 where the white whale Does erase crusch and wilhelm and ferris goes insane (like how they end up in pride if. yeah.) so subaru gets to see the consequences if they lose to the white whale. but i DO think that the final loop should still have the consequences of crusch being targeted by gluttony and losing her memories. its interesting to explore!!! especially if subaru himself still becomes a victim of gluttony in some way—maybe they both become victims of gluttony there?? or it happens to subaru later?? and i feel like arc 5 is Definitely another opportunity for some crazy looping. for sure.

also roswaal may want to try some shit bc Why is subaru in another camp this is not according to plan. so more opportunities to torture subaru 👍👍👍 and also crusch camp in canon keeps taking one L after another so you know. familiar territory in terms of how subaru and co are doing 😭😭😭😭

but anyway. i think a crusch camp and felt camp alliance (or Almost alliance?) is in order bc. well we know subaru he tries to fix things. hes nosy. he learns eventually All the crusch camp history and is like ok so why arent we allies with felt camp at least for rn??? like urging wilhelm to make it up with reinhard and such, etc etc. and crusch and felt are the candidates that are both Very deeply unsatisfied with the current system of lugunica and want to remake everything to be better!! and also like. how does ferris even feel about wilhelm. i lowkey want crusch if to have a plot beat where ferris-crusch-subaru metaphorically beat up wilhelm for being Terrible. actually scratch lowkey i want highkey. and i think crusch is just like yeah sorry i do respect you in a lot of ways wilhelm and youre a very key member in our camp and i appreciate it but also fighting against demihumans in the demihuman war + being awful to your family was definitely. 😬 ESPECIALLY since she grew up with ferris too okay. she and her dad literally took in ferris after being stuck in a basement for the first nine years of his life. and while ferris and reinhards family situations are Very Different, the common thread is generational trauma and Passed Down abilities/traits that also relate to the trauma so. i feel like ferris at Least has some secret strong feelings about wilhelm ok i dont care what tappei has to say on this (actually i do care but i will care less if tappei has a bad take on this bc ferris and reinhard are FRIENDS + WILHELM WAS WRONG FOR THE DEMIHUMAN WAR ok ferris was horribly abused also bc of fantasy racism).

and alright ok im gonna talk about some more crusch-ferris-subaru dynamics bc subaru and wilhelm are most likely gonna fall into their weird grandson-grandfather dynamic again. especially now that subarus in crusch camp.

so—gender expression. the way crusch-ferris-subaru dress and their relationships with this part of their identities. personally i hc all three of them as nonbinary but of course u can have different hcs/opinions than me :o either way though, gender expression is Very important to all three of them and its given focus in the plot multiple times so im gonna try to examine how its handled in canon a bit!! theres this one bit from the arc 5 wn that i think about a lot:

so you know, subaru has his internalized issues, toxic masculinity for one, so hes struggling with like. being a man but also like he genuinely enjoys crossdressing but also hes been judged for it in the past and he has?? complicated feelings on it. hes struggling with his identity and who he is in many many different ways and gender is one key aspect of it. and then he comes along and crusch and ferris BASICALLY challenge him and his internalized ideas on it—crusch being a woman who dresses more masculine and ferris being a man who dresses more feminine. they challenge even the fantasy world’s society too—crusch more so, bc shes a woman and in the public eye due to her family and shes expected to dress and behave the way a noblewoman should. more feminine. but she refuses which is a point of contention in ex1 of course…

ferris seems to get less scrutiny from the public on this (at least for This exact reason, we only see subaru iirc judge him for it on screen) but my guess is bc he 1. can easily pass as a girl and 2. he has other more Noticeable traits to the public (having the Blue title and being demihuman for example). but also theres another aspect to ferris and its that he also dresses femininely to represent “the feminine side crusch lacks” iirc…. which. to be quite frank thats. that feels a little odd to me but anyway im gonna choose to look into it a bit regardless bc i think it could potentially be interesting maybe?? but also the fourier-crusch duel in ex1 already felt off to me wkfndnd it was such a fun scene but like??? why are we policing what crusch wants to wear??? but. anyway.

so about ferris being “the feminine side crusch lacks”……. ferris and crusch's gender expression are completely opposite, ferris being feminine of course and crusch being masculine. ferris and crusch are very much like each others equal halves in canon - you dont find one without the other, theyre basically a pair (especially given they fit together into this perfect trio with fourier and now fouriers gone :(( ). ferris and crusch balance each other out in a lot of ways, especially given ferris's mischevious yet perceptive personality and crusch being more serious but a bit airheaded with emotional matters. and also both of them being more blunt honest people. so like their gender expression balances each other out bc theyre opposites. ferris wants to keep balancing out crusch, whos so focused on duty that her needs and her desires and emotions sometimes go by the wayside (id personally attribute at least a tiny bit of her airheadedness with emotions to this too - when you have so much responsibilities to attend to, your emotions often take a backseat. especially when you take into account people judging crusch for how she expresses herself....).

but also ferris does note that "because crusch-sama said this suits ferris, what i am, i am, and this most suits the radiance of ferris' soul. crusch-samas words, ferris will repay with everything that i am". im gonna interpret this as crusch recognizing that ferris truly likes to express his appearance in a feminine way and providing ferris with the means and support to do so, especially since crusch herself growing up also prefers to express herself as opposite to her biological sex and also bc crusch and her family took in ferris so they grew up together. which i think is very sweet <3

and also more regarding crusch, in canon she expresses herself more femininely after getting her memories wiped by gluttony........... i think there might (emphasis on Might) be vaguely a kind of "feminine=weak and masculine=strong thats why crusch goes back to being feminine after memories gone" undertone if you choose to see it that way but im Electing to ignore it. i think crusch's change in expression post-gluttony though like emphasizes how her identity gets shaken after her memories are erased. she was a confident person before and now shes more timid and withdrawn bc she isnt sure of herself or her abilities anymore :(( which is definitely smth that should be explored in Any crusch camp centric content, i think.

anyway. yeah also i def think the ferris-crusch-subaru gender things should be explored. its already briefly touched on in canon with stuff like that arc 5 wn snippet i shared, but i do think subaru being friends with ferris and crusch will help him with confidence regarding how he likes to express himself as well. which i think would be very sweet to explore <3 (sorry this briefly derailed into a ferris-crusch-subaru gender expression analysis but this part of their characters is important i feel aljdlfjsldfj and its SUCH good parallel between them)

as for general dynamics stuff between the three of them. i think ferris is on the fence about subaru at first and goes from "hes an idiot..." to "hes an idiot <3" i have no specific thoughts on this at the moment thats just the vibe thats probably happening. maybe a bit of the same with crusch but yes im sure crusch and ferris of course grow to respect subaru, and im sure they notice pretty quick that subaru wears his emotions on his sleeve. hes an honest person in almost all things, or at least he tries to be, unless hes being held at gunpoint to keep things secret bc rbd lajdlfjl. and we Know subaru is a very respectable person whos Really good at heart, he just had all these hurdles to get through. and also - subaru is a tiny bit similar to fourier in terms of like Loud, Passionate, Determined, kind of an idiot in a few ways but a Lovable one, that sort of thing. of course ferris and crusch are VERY MUCH not going to be replacing fourier. absolutely not they would never in a million years. but fourier like Really fit in with ferris and crusch bc of the three of them having different personality traits, so i think subaru would fit well with ferris and crusch for similar reasons. if that makes sense. the energies just match up. ferris and subaru particularly bring a lot of fun and lightheartedness and ease weight on crusch’s shoulders, crusch supports them both, and all three of them reel each other in in different ways <3

ok also regarding any romance............ personally i dont see the appeal of crusch x subaru but thats just me lajsdlfjls and also my heart got stolen by fourier x ferris x crusch oops. plus i do enjoy the ferris and subaru + subaru and crusch friendship possibilities. but if anyones reading this and is a fan of crusch x subaru feel free to send me propaganda for it bc im very curious as to what makes you really like the ship <3

yeah so anyway. this has been my extremely long explanation as to how crusch if could maybe go and also all sorts of stuff id love to see explored when it comes to crusch if or crusch camp centered content in general <3 its hard to tell how a crusch if would go further down the line bc you know, the more that changes from main route the more things go Different, but i think its fascinating to think about. hope this kind of answered your question op? :O :D !!

ok but as for other camps. i have absolutely no clue how itd go but ana camp would Definitely have to involve subaru trying to invent things that carry on from earth and such and felt camp Absolutely involves more trying to solve more astrea drama. no specific thoughts on this yet (ALSO I STILL HAVENT CAUGHT UP ON ANA CAMP SIDE STORIES... ONE DAY. I SWEAR.) but you know, lots of interesting possibilities here!! :O

[our-abinary-experience]

Hrmm is this a place where I can ask questions? Im AMAB and I identify with the maverique label because as far as im concerned im exclusively xenic and my gender is not masc, fem, androgyne, or neutral. But I also feel like I am still a boy without being one. Im comfortable with male terms, I dont feel a disconnect to my AGAB, I sometimes still call myself a boy. But I dont really understand what being a boy is supposed to mean, I dont know how to be a boy, I just know how to be me. And me is an individual that can only use xenogenders to explain how I experience my gender. Im a boy, but Im not actually a boy, if you know what I mean. Am I like a demiboy? A masc enby? Am I a neoboy? I know I used to identify as a neoboy, but I guess ive shifted from that since it just felt like calling myself a boy with extra steps. Am I like a bigender male/enby? Or have I just internalized my identity as a boy since Im not out yet? Could it be that Im just purely abinary, but I still feel connected to my AGAB since all of those years identifying as it? Could it be that Im not maverique, but another kind of abinary/aporagender? Sorry for sending a long ask, Im just confused and I need advice.

hi!

to get the easiest part out of the way first: if you're exclusively xenic, you're probably not maverique as maverique is usually understood to be separate from xenogender. i'm not 100% sure where aporagender stands in this regard. but either way, both abinary and xenic or xenogender are good words.

if you do feel exclusively xenic, there might be other reasons you feel connected to the word boy other than actual boyhood, like you said.

some people do feel a connection to their AGAB due to how they were raised. or sometimes thinking of yourself as your AGAB might just be out of habit. it's quite common for people early in their journey to still think of and call themselves by their AGAB because that's what they're used to.

also, sometimes abinary people may not necessarily feel disconnected from their AGAB but might also just feel indifferent to it.

it could also be a case of just.. vibing with the word boy. it's somewhat common for people to like certain gendered terms without actually being the gender associated with those terms.

though there are also ways to be both xenogender/abinary and a boy, like you have pointed out. there's the term xenoboy, which describes a xenic/xenogender boyhood. there's also nymboy which describes a boyhood that is disconnected from the binary.

i'd recommend trying out some terms, even if just online if you can't come out yet. see how being called a boy or an abinary boy or something similar feels in an affirming environment. compare it to just abinary or xenogender. does being called a boy feel good, does it feel right? or if it doesn't feel horrible, maybe it just feels "meh?" sometimes it's not about what you feel disconnected from but rather than what you feel connected to in terms of gender. does just being called abinary or xenogender feel different from being called an abinary or xenogender boy? these are all questions you might ask yourself. and if you come to the conclusion that you feel "meh" about boy but euphoric about abinary or xenogender, you may not be a boy, but at the end of the day, only you can answer that question.

[booblywooblies]

im gonna post this here bc i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea on main

ive been thinking for a long time about why detransitioners are usually afab, and i think im developing a couple theories. the first one is i think its more difficult to be classified as a man, genuinely, than a woman. i know that seems immediately incorrect bc a big aspect of transmisogyny is denying transfems their womanhood but i think even if transphobes are calling transfems men they dont really mean it. theres been some talk about which trans people have "male privilege" and some people argue transfems do and the most common response to that is that even if transfems are not out they are not regarded as true men, theres something about them that people can pick up on as inherently queer that others them from manhood (sometimes, all of this is sometimes nothing is universal)

i watched a video a while ago about the "incel to trans pipeline" which was kind of about the type of incel that isnt so much concerned with the lack of sex so much as being a failure as a man and how theres a group on like 4chan or something that seek transition not because theyre trans but to escape the pressures of masculinity and i thought that was really interesting

i think that in some ways, despite all the bullshit women go through with being belittled and objectified and disrespected, there is maybe some comfort in being the "weaker" gender, and the more "desireable" gender.

something ive been dealing with that, i mean it hasnt really been a struggle bc i enjoy men even when they are fat and greasy and hairy so im down with being that. theres something thats very weird about losing like, a certain pool of attention i guess. ive been hit with the realization that i will never be attractive to straight men again, and like thats a good thing because i wouldnt want them to see me as a woman im also kinda sad about it? like it feels like im losing a kind of power, even if its not a real power that has any actual use to me

and i probably dont even have to mention how intimidating it is to present myself to the world as a real man, especially when im 5 foot nothing and have H cups. like one thing when it comes to trans men that EVERYONE says about them is they are either basically only men in name, hanging on to their girly habits and interests in a way thats cringy and annoying, or they, in an effort to distance themselves from the first one just adopt toxic masculinity and beef up their own image of themselves by being more misogynistic

and obviously the first end is more on the people putting them down than the guys who are like that themselves, but thats what im really afraid of, ive already experienced being put down for my interests as a girl, the idea of being denied my real gender for any of that stuff is terrifying. and like, its kind of inherently misogynist to want to escape fully from femininity isnt it? and i do value anti-misogyny more than i do masculinity, thats definitely true in my heart. but it sort of feels at odds with each other, its hard to want to be a man, to seek approval as a man, to care about women being taken as seriously as you want to be taken, and to not put anyone down in your path to get there.

like if i wasnt so committed to it, if i believed this was ACTUALLY more in conflict than i really do, i could see myself as having a responsibility to not transition. im sure a lot of people have a different reason for doing that but i think it makes sense that so many afabs detransition because masculinity can break people.

and like BIG BIG BIG disclaimer, im not thinking about detransitioning, i dont think masculinity is inherently toxic, im gay and i have a cis husband, i think men are cool, i think women are cool and i like them a lot i respect them. im just inspecting this because i was not sure why it happens and i figured itd be in my best interest to figure it out, i think i have, i think its difficult and complicated but doesnt apply to me.

im transitioning bc it feels good and i have a man fetish 👍 and no one can stop me motherfucker

[justalilpearlie]

I don't ship majormoon or hell even see pearl as trans, but I don't get the hate for trans man pearl x cis gay scott when I've seen ppl do this to other characters in the mcyt fandom even in the traffic life series and everyone loves it.

I think it's because it's a canon gay character and they think you making pearl trans as an "excuse to ship them" even if that was the case, which I think is not, you are still respecting Scott boundaries of not shipping him with women, idk it's just confusing how ppl are fine with it until you bring Scott into the mix.

Also we need more gay/straight ppl shipped with trans characters canon or not

Sorry I saw you get hate on that on the Scott shipping bracket, and as a trans person myself it felt really disrespectful

thank you so much anon yes exactly this 🙏🙏

All the labels I give Pearl are my labels too which is what bugs me the most about this

And I have a high school au thingy where I made her go like.

lesbian -> (straight?) trans man -> bisexual trans man -> gay trans man -> gay bigender -> bisexual? bigender -> what the fuck is going on man aaaaa labels are so hard -> gendervoid verinix and queer!! (But its easier to say ftm/bigender mlm. Still could like women but its so not often that prefers to call himself a gay man 98% of the time)

And guess what? THATS BEEN MORE OR LESS MY QUEER HISTORY SINCE I STARTED QUESTIONING MY IDENTITY!! ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I HAD A GENDERFLUID ERA BETWEEN CIS LESBIAN AND BI TRANS MAN-

My main reason to ship majormoon was because LL scott reminded me of my current partner

I still am not that big of a fan of DL majormoon cause. On the opposite end of the spectrum. DL scott reminds me of a shitty ex of mine.

But either way ofc I cant ignore it cause its a big part of their story! But thats why I tend to focus on spreading positivity about the ship in all its other aspects

If other people get to have fun, project, have headcanons and etc. Why cant I?

Cause I dont give Pearl short hair? Cause i dont change anything abt her design? Cause he still uses she pronouns? He/She slash She/He users also have the She there for a reason.

I dont change anything abt Pearl's design myself and let him present femenine/androgynous and keep the long hair in most of my art is. BECAUSE AGAIN THATS ME!!

I personally dont have body disphoria *most* of the time. I have social disphoria yes. I wanna be treated as a man and I dont want anyone I didn't explicitly allow to to she/her me cause yes Im bigender but i mostly feel like a man. But I have *zero* plans to medically transition.

I love how I look, I love how I dress, I love wearing make up and I love how my voice sounds. I dont personally fw long hair cause that *does* make sme disphoric, but for Pearl I think it fits her. I think he deserves to keep his hair long for as long as she decides to do so.

In general. Let people have their trans headcanons and ship them with whoever they want

a straight cis person dating a straight trans person doesnt make them a gay couple.

a gay/queer cis person dating a gay/queer trans person doesnt make them a straight couple.

Trans men dont owe you masculinity.

Trans women dont owe you femininity.

Nonbinary people dont owe you androgyny.

Transmasc =/= trans man

Transfem =/= trans woman

Pronouns =/= gender

I thought we all mostly knew this but just in case a little reminder

[havinghorns]

Hi, happy Friday!

Serious transition related Q. As always, up to your discretion to answer.

You've talked a bit about passing/not passing and how people react to/assume your gender.

I just started T and I feel like its not unlikely I'll end up in a similar zone of trans masc. I dress flamboyantly and my presentation is fluid. I know what my medical transition goals are, but I've been mulling over the social parts for the past few weeks.

I'm also neurodivergant and trying to figure out, what social norms might change depending on how im perceived and will those changes be awkward uncomfy like when I do neurodivergant things in public, or will they put me in danger as more visibly trans, has been puzzling. I'm curious how differently assumed identities affect how people treat you? I feel like voice drop should help a lot with interactions with strangers, but I also have long hair and am not very tall etc. I'm used to being perceived as a 'wrong type' of woman and socialized that way. I want that to change but I honestly don't know what direction that'll go in.

If you have any thoughts or resources on the topic I'd really appreciate it.

Hmm I mean, it's a little hard to answer because obviously it'll be really individual and really dependant on your own environment.

Like my job is almost entirely queer in terms of staff so there's really no difference in how any gender or expression is interacted with socially. With patients I do sometimes struggle with being seen as younger than j am and not being taken seriously, which I honestly get madder about than any gender perception lol. My current friends/partners have always known I'm trans so there's been no change there either.

Out and about, I mostly still get seen as a weird, unattractive woman, which essentially makes you invisible--something I personally don't mind. At worst (so far) I'll get a doubletake or stink eye in the bathroom, or moved over to the "female" pat down line for a concert, and I'm non confrontational enough to shrug and take it bc what difference does it make. But I also live in a pretty LGBTQ frienfly city. I do stress out about how to dress when I travel, and try to go for a more distinctly "gay man" style which feels like the lesser possibility of getting the shit best out of me but not offending my own vanity (I'm an idiot)

IDK I dont really have advice, some days are easier than others and I'm figuring it out day by day too. Pick your battles, my usual mantra is "If I'm never going to see this person again, it's not worth correcting them on my name/pronouns" but I'm also a weenie IRL lol.

[natsmagi]

maybe a weird question but ive been wondering this for a while and i kinda wanna hear ur opinion, would u still consider it hetbending if i headcanon natsume as a trans man and tsmg as a trans woman and ship them like this? cuz those are my hcs and sometimes i wonder if its like problematic?? Like id get it if ppl didnt agree with my headcanons thats just differing opinions of course, and thats fine, but im scared bc i dont wanna like, turn gay ships straight and stuff? Either way i hc both of them as bi, but still :( im worried im doing something bad fhfhgjdh sry if this makes u uncomfortable to answer?? I just wanna hear opinions abt this? I truly dont wanna hurt anyone!!

waaa ur fine no worries!! i dont mind answering questions like these at all!!

i guess its sorta nuanced? i suppose by definition it would be considered hetbending, esp if one has an altered appearance to suit the assigned gender. but then theres also the headcanon aspect of it. since it is a headcanon that would make these genders be how you view the characters in their source, rather than altering them for ur own silly amusement

since these things are so nuanced i personally tend to tackle it from a portrayal point of view. Have i altered these characters to make one look like a man and the other a woman? if so, id say it should be tagged and considered as hetbend even if both or one party is trans and their sexualities are bisexual, because the point of tags such as "hetbend" or "genderbend" are so people who dont wish to see their favorite characters altered in these ways dont have to see it. these tags are used out of courtesy! Now, if you've taken the characters and headcanon one as a man and the other a woman but there have been no altercations and they look the exact same except for some pronouns and maybe some clothes change then id say it doesnt need the hetbend tag, as clothes do not have a gender and you can go by whichever pronouns you want while being a gender that said pronouns arent commonly applied to

Basically; if the appearances are altered it should be tagged accordingly out of care and consideration for those who dont wish to see that sort of thing for whatever reason. i dont get why people act like theres some morality thing at stake for tagging things like genderbend? trans or cis, the character looks different now which may be upsetting to some, so tag it!!! we're all just here to have fun!!!!

i also want to say enjoying or creating "hetbends" does not make you a bad person nor are you erasing queer rep, especially if you are keeping their queerness!! the original characters will remain the same no matter how much we may alter their gender and appearances in our niche circles, and there will always be a VAST majority of people representing the canon, so really theres no need to worry about wishing to indulge in the things that make you happy. none of us wish to hurt people with what we create!! and that is the REASON its tagged accordingly to begin with. So again; if you feel you have altered the characters to a point where some may be uncomfortable PLEASE tag it. and if there are things that make YOU uncomfortable PLEASE MUTE IT!! we tag things FOR YOU!!!!

[liquidstar]

Question to the OC keeper, if my universe had a Goddess who ruled and protected women, and especially young girls, would it be alright to include a trans man in her sphere of protection? Not because he is a woman, of course, but because he stands risks of similar types of violence and discrimination. Maybe only when he's a child. Or would that be a bad thing to have regardless of how it's written? I am a cis girl myself, so sorry in advance if any of this is offensive.

dont worry about potentially offending! i think its good that youre making an effort, do not worry :)

see i think that stuff like that could be done well (wonder egg kind of did it! even though it was a very messy show so its hard to tell exactly what the point was...) but i also think that it would be veeeerrry easy to botch, especially if you dont have firsthand experience. and im not saying that its impossible to write for people w different experiences than you, im just saying it requires a lot more conscious effort. but youre being conscious by asking so thats good!

like you said, its tricky because it could imply that the misogyny trans men face via ppl seeing them as women is "binds" them to womanhood so to speak. and personally i think that my knee-jerk reaction to seeing that is skepticism about what the author thinks of trans people. THAT BEING SAID you could also work around this by just... also including a trans WOMAN in her sphere? i honestly would suggest doing that either way, if you want it to be clear that the goddess also stands for trans people.

but in regards to the child part: not every trans person thinks of their gender in the same terms, many people do think "i was a girl then, but now im not" rather than "i was always a man" (and sometimes its a combination of both, its complicated!). but i do think that if handled poorly the former could also translate to "since this character was a girl, then hes on some level still a girl even if he doesnt identify as such anymore" which is dangerous. the issue is that its a very very very common belief that trans men are actually just scared and confused girls who were manipulated or groomed in some way, and that they have to be PROTECTED from this terrible fate in which theyre mutilated and victimized. and since this is a /protection/ circle i think it needs to be made clear exactly what he is being protected from. it cant be just vague misogyny, because many could take it to be the former- that hes some sort of recovering victim of the trans mob forcing him to give up his divine femininity or whatever

it really would be a safer bet to make the trans character a woman, because transmisogyny is such a rampant issue and making it clear that trans women are welcome in women's safe spaces is important. that being said you could also do BOTH, like i said before. or even include cis men impacted by misogyny in other ways too, if you dont wanna make it a women's only club. if its moreso about the type of discrimination than the exact gender of the person experiencing it, i'm sure your oc wouldnt stand for any type of discrimination that hinges on the idea that things considered feminine are lesser. it could be as simple as an ostracized gay guy being treated like he's "unman", or a big cishet man who keeps all his emotions hidden for fear of being seen as weak, or a little boy who gets bullied for crying, or something. these are all just suggestions that i'm spitballing, you dont have to use them (its your story!) but it could help with not making the trans guy feel like hes either an "odd man out" or... like a hes woman. which is what you wanna avoid!

of course, if you wanna keep it generally women-only (and i still suggest including trans women in this) and you wanna depict him as a child pre-transition... i think that could work in a way. again i think its tricky, but it could be the sort of thing where, since he's a kid, he's afraid to leave the comfort of being a girl (all he's ever known so far!) in order to embark on the unknown transition into manhood. there's a lot there that's genuinely so scary. "what if i'm wrong? what if i'm not accepted? what if i lose everyone i love? what if ill always been seen as a woman anyway? how will i be safe?" and you can have it be the sort of thing where the goddess ENCOURAGES him to try anyway, and thats its okay if hes wrong, because the people who have loved and supported him so far wont stop. that he will still be welcomed and protected, not because hes a woman but because hes loved either way. that he wont lose his community over becoming a boy, and she will still watch over him. i think thats what you want to go for, right?

so good luck my friend... let me know if i was helpful or if you need anything else. i hope i was able to at least give some good ideas! and i hope your time with your ocs goes well :)

[deeisace]

Firstly I think you 100% are an Eddie. That suits you so well! Also like...okay so firstly im a cis woman and my knowledge of these things is limited and I hope by saying this I dont offended you. But like Eddie is also quite gender neutral. Like Alex cound be Alexander or Alexandra Eddie could be Edward or Edwina so I would imagine it could save you from any potential transphobic old farts who could misgender you, like they can't exactly be all Oh Derek is a BOYS name or something because Eddie is just Eddie you could be male or female. I mean you should be able to be whatever you want without some douche doing that anyway...but like if they did you're protected by the ambiguity of Eddie. I hope that makes sense? Again I mean no offense, I genuinely think that's a cool touch.

Aw thank you!

No offense taken at all, no worries

I mean, I will be putting Edward on paperwork - it's a good solid, no-mistakes name, and I like having my paternal-great-great-grandfather's name and my maternal-grandfather's surname, too, tbh, cs I'm a family history nerd, and it's nice to feel connected to them all in a way, cs I haven't always, tho that might be a bit odd to say

But I like Eddie best, too, y'know - it's more masculine side of gender neutral, you're right, I do sort of like the uhhhh the that about it - I wouldn't go for a stereotypical name as like Derek you say, cs it wouldn't fit me, either - I like having a name that's the masculine side of gender neutral, when I myself am the gender neutral side of masculine haha

And it is good from a safety point of view, like you say, that it's not um it could be short for something else, if someone was choosing to be a prick about things, I could pretend so

And, tbh, I like having a name that is masculine, it feels like it fits - because Dee is so,, not masculine, I feel like being called that would um would cause people to look at me more as a woman, y'know - tho, my dad is called D by his old mates, and that's short for Darren, which is a thought I've kept to keep me, when I was down about people always misgendering me - which is mostly the lack of T, but definitely exacerbated by the more feminine-sounding name, if you see?

I've lost my train of thought, thinking instead about how my grandfather was Edward/Ed, and his son was Edward/Sonny/Ted, and now I'll be Edward/Eddie - it's nice, it draws a line I've never had - I've always felt so,, disconnected from my family, in a way, because my life has been so so different to any one of theirs, ever, ever was, and there's no one I can point to, really, much, to go, 'you're like me'. It's a silly thought, but a strong one.

I mustn't be the only one in the world to have grown up like I did, I've met other people who grew up similar to me, but there's no one in my family that's really similar to me, at all, that I know of, quite literally going all the way back to the 1500s - no one who I know had the same experiences to me in any way shape or form you can name - it's part of why I like Liverpool so much, because I can look at a building, and say, my great-great-great-grandmother knew that when it was new, after she came down from Orkney - I don't have anything else, I don't have any connection to a place that still stands as I knew it or somewhere I can go and say this is home - the people are the home, but even then, I don't have much of that - my parents, my one grandad, who lives away in France now, my aunt and uncles, now, a cautious little bit - but even then, it's not the same, I am only really close with my mum, because it was always just us, together on our own - and visits to my dad, sometimes, and to my mum's family when she was allowed to see them, and the constant movement that comes with living in vehicles with someone who gets restless when a place starts to feel like home (between a week and 6 months, usually) - the only actual place I've had time to feel like home is the farm in Wales, and that was me, on my own, sat watching swallows and bats fly out the window of a room that no longer exists (and where I am now, where I've been for 5 and a half years, that I have to leave in two weeks)

So I'm glad mum lives in the same country as me, now, so I can visit when I like, and that dad's been sober a year, now, so you can actually hold a conversation with him, it's nice to keep hold of that

I look like my dad, I have his defensiveness - I think like my gran, I've got her autism - I've got my mum's lack of focus and liking of projects (ADHD!) and my grandad's love for music - anything else is picking stuff out of the ether really, so it's nice, if nothing else than the way I look (and the way I worry), to be able to say, in a tiny weeny little way, here, look, I might stand alone here, but it's still my forest, there's my name

Oh I've made myself cry again, dear me

It is a nice thing, tho, and thanks for being nice about it, I can definitely see where you're coming from

I didn't mean to go on a one and get like this, sorry

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13 is funny right bc like. okay shes both tesla And byron. shes bumbling little awkward cuteboy inventor And uh "a man proud, moody, cynical, with defiance on his brow, and misery in his heart, a scorner of his kind, implacable in revenge, yet capable of deep and strong affection". that.

and heres the thing i wonder bc these are both like, archetypes girls like, right? it's like when i was 14 going if i were a companion i simply wouldnt fall in love with the doctor rip to rose but im different and then being 22 going oh no im not different, right? like these are,, the Types. this is why people went so fucking insane bonkers over 10 right? hes also both. obviously because hes the same character and also he looks the part. 12 also is the same guy but he doesnt look the part. he looks like,,, well idk like a sorta wannabe punk anarchist i guess

im being meandering bc im not sure what im trying to say but i have a Wonder bc like. basically i wonder if 13 does the same thing as 10 does. i mean like as a character not like their literal Actions i mean their Effect on their Audiences does it come from the same Thing

bc wait heres another thing that goes in here right bc like 10 was based on david tennant doing casanova right? i havent seen it, i have it downloaded but like, it's sort of in the name you can kinda see where,,,, it all comes from. and then 13 was based on adult life skills anna right? now i HAVE watched that and it's EXTREMELY 13 but is it a byronic hero no it is not. it is nonetheless extremely appealing to me in a fangirl big embarrassing crush kinda way. like in a 14 yo fangirling over david tennant kinda way. im assuming. like technically it's definitely a 25 yo fangirling over 13 kinda way but how different is that really

and thats actually i think exactly what im wondering. how different IS that really. is the thing that appeals abt 13 is that what people feel abt their wet men? im watching that video essay abt snapewives again btw maybe good context to have. bc theres this thing abt the wet men people like right? like, theres this aspect of wanting to like, save them? like youve got a wet sad prettyboy and you can cheer him up. or youve got a wet sad meanyboy and he only likes you. right? theres thoroughness & nuance im missing but thats what i understand. with my head bc with my heart ive never been close. unless 13 counts bc then im very close but im very much wondering if she counts and if she doesnt then why not

IS 13 a byronic hero in how we ('we' here defined as people who have a gay little crush on her) relate to her or is she NOT bc she doesnt look the part? like 12

another question: if 13 is not a byronic hero is that because she doesnt look the part or bc of other factors. are the other factors there BECAUSE she doesnt look the part? if thats the case i'd expect it to work the same with 12. does it? (i mean like, people's biases abt age and gender subconsciously affecting either/both which traits we highlight/notice in them?)

if 13 is NOT a byronic hero, ARE there women byronic heroes i could use to compare here? (kinda expecting like an woman in gideon the ninth series here which i still havent finished)

[cruelsister-moved2]

you said you weren't gonna elaborate but ifyou have time could you on that point that most cis women will only give their genitals as what ties them to womanhood. not sure I understand the implication bc in my experience that's true and I've also wrestled with the same idea a lot bc of being in that space between cis and nonbinary where it's like well I don't feel like what society says a woman is but to pretend that all cis women do is misogynistic. jw your thoughts because i think abt it a lot

yeah I think about it too... obligatory The Quote:

anyway yeah I just I don't know how to say this without coming off dismissive to people who find other frameworks useful to understanding their existence but there really is only how you want to live in reality and what gets me is the... assuming people who don't use certain labels dont have the same interior complexity as you(ie the pansexual effect). no one can ever see your internal Experience of Gender and you can never see anyone else's so it feels like there might actually be an upper limit to how useful it is to engage with. idk maybe I'm just too autistic for all this stuff but I feel like on the internal level you, to yourself, are just you. gender is literally a relational framework that we use to categorise OTHER people so we are all going to feel some amount of awkwardness about the attempt to apply it to ourselves internally. I think some people, upon discovering this, are a little too hasty to assume everyone else (esp cis women) has an easy time doing that. So i guess THAT'S what i mean, like a lot of people are just straight up NOT doing that and just not considering themselves as having a say and therefore not thinking about it. which isn't to say that they don't have complex feelings about themselves as individuals in a gendered society, or even that they might not hypothetically feel equal or better about existing in the opposite category, if they were able to consider that for themselves.

Like im femme4butch I'm obviously a big enjoyer of fun with gender performance but I do feel like ultimately your options are like "I'm expected to be in group A but group B feels at least somewhat less terrible to me" or "neither group A nor group B feels at all comfortable for me" or "existing sometimes in group A and sometimes in group B depending on the context is preferable to me" etc. and each of those encompasses a host of internal experiences of gender but it just skips feeling like that is something fundamental that we automatically owe each-other and require to understand each-other and decides that actually in terms of interactions with other humans our efforts are best placed in facilitating others moving through the world in a way that's most frictionless for them. and internally within the LGBT community who even cares because its only recently that cis gay people have even had a category resembling cisness open to them bc previously manhood and womanhood were so inherently contingent upon heterosexuality (spoiler: they still are it's just you can at least theory cut out the gender of attraction and replace it). i think this is why people are increasingly identifying with terms like transsexual again because it DOES feel relevant to their identity that much of their lived experience is organised around moving through the world as other than their cagab. ithink once you acknowledge that gender isn't defined for you (either by your genitals or like your Male Brain or Female Soul or whatever) then it kind of turns the concept of what even is gender into soggy cardboard anyway, and trying to articulate the specific qualities of ur handful of soggy cardboard is largely pointless in comparison to what container youre going to put it in. and if that begs the question of why we're putting soggy cardboard into all these different containers anyway, well then there you go

[suffarustuffaru]

What are your thoughts on Re:63 fic by Spriteanon?

(okay also gonna leave a link to spriteanon’s rezero fics here and the re:63 series here if anyone is interested!!! and please feel free to leave some nice comments if you enjoy <3)

hi anon!! :o okay quick disclaimer that i havent touched spriteanons re:63 fic in a Very Long Time but i read a few of their If route/spinoff fics and got to around somewhere in arc 3 of the main re:63 fic yes :o!! (i only havent touched it since because Time and my Uncontrollable Attention Span. i dont tend to read super long fics either—no hard feelings or anything i am just a student with adhd hah.)

also quick explanation for anyone else stumbling across this—re:63 is a long plotty multichapter fic series where subaru and a few other surprise characters are genderbent (i use “genderbend” here in the sense of. biological sex and gender were bent yes). the fic starts from arc 1 and then comes with Major Divergences throughout the entire story. its a very solid read!!

but yeah so from what i do remember, i really enjoyed the fic, yeah. if i did read it again recently + caught up all the way to the current arc of the story (arc 4 i believe) i might have minor criticisms here and there, but again theyd be minor, and big emphasis on might because i do think re:63 is incredible (also i 1. try to adhere to fanfic courtesy of not giving unsolicited criticism directly to the author anyway wkfn and 2. im very light on most fic because. well we are All writing for free). and spriteanon has wrote more than a million words for this, all of which are Very polished with a solid plan for each arc. the fic’s such a labor of love its absolutely one of the best long form multichapter fics in this fandom, in my opinion. the writing style is very precise, i think, while still hitting Hard for every emotional beat and i think they generally get characters right. it’s a perfect balance.

i think what i most enjoyed about spriteanon’s fic though was its take on fem subaru.

the thing with fembaru takes in this fandom (though i see this also happen with fem reinhard takes as well)—im speaking for the english side of the fandom here by the way hah—is that sometimes writers tend to fall into this like. pitfall of being way too different with said now-female-character.

making a genderbend au does kind of show how you think of gender roles and gender and biological sex and all that, you know? not that thats a bad thing thats just an Inevitable fact given how intertwined these things can be irl and how a genderbend au will focus on these things in some way.

but like. genderswapping a character Is gonna change some things but its not usually gonna change Every Single Recognizable Trait in existence. sometimes people fall into pitfall of “this character is girl now” and forget to write her as a Person. they dont let her be as humanly “ugly” as how the character is in canon as a guy. and too many times i look at rezero genderbend fics or requests for genderbend fics in the rezero reddit fanfic ideas thread and fem subaru and reinhard are often genderswapped just to ship them with men (such as fembaru with regular reinhard or vice versa)—it does make me a little uncomfortable sometimes because 1. shipping the now fem character with another character of the same sex (such as fembaru x rem) doesnt really. Happen as much. it doesnt seem to be treated as a possibility that much?? or at least i havent seen it in fic. even though it Could Be, it’d just be less likely for Multiple Reasons (though of course correct me if im wrong if this ever happens in spriteanons fic akdndn) and 2. it feels like making a gay ship (like reinsuba) straight (ie reinsuba but one of them is the opposite sex now). which i have personal feelings on but i wont go too much into that hah.

BUT OKAY i digress i dont mean At All to go after authors who do any of this akndnd and spriteanon does have a few spinoff fics with fembaru x reinhard—all of which i ENJOYED, because 1. what i just said is a Personal Preference and 2. i dont mind it at all if its Well Written regardless (i have enjoyed a few other fembaru x reinhard fics too just bc they were well written yes!!). and spriteanons writing and handling of reinsubas dynamic is very very well written imo and i really liked reading through it. theyve written both fembaru and reinhard + subaru and fem reinhard together with a nuanced understanding of both characters, i think, and it absolutely still feels like Them. if that makes sense hah. like im not thinking “this feels like whole other people”, im thinking “this IS reinhard and subaru” regardless of gender. which is good because the former might take me out of the story a little bit T^T

and also i understand people are gonna have different takes on how genderbend aus would go, and i DO enjoy seeing variety in this yes!! :o (i cant really judge either because my old genderbend au fic is very. its different, lets just say hah.)

also spriteanon is Very good at showcasing subarus positive and negative qualities, i think. and spriteanon doesnt forget to show subarus npc/game/genre awareness-related mentality (in another way this time, given the slight differences in female lead isekai stories) either!! it was very interesting to read for Sure, and i appreciated how well they showed the trauma and horror in the story and showed how subaru understandably responds to it. fembaru feels Human here and like this is still subaru, which i think should be the goal yes. character is Very Important. and subaru can be very hard to get even close to right in fics so i gotta commend spriteanon in general for all the hard work on this fic hah.

and also i enjoyed the exploration of another subaru hobby (music!!) (which iirc is probably also a canon detail anyway?? but its expanded on in re:63??) very interesting. not much to say on that bc i dont Entirely remember every detail of this i just thought it was a fun take yes.

also i did love seeing the other characters that were genderbent. that was very fun. i kinda wish there were More just because i enjoyed it a lot. i liked seeing what changed and what didnt. though iirc spriteanon has some sort of interactive quality with some parts of the fic where they put up polls to vote on some aspects of the story?? so maybe some reoccurring readers voted on some of who gets to be genderbent and who doesnt hah.

and also the canon divergences in the story are Interesting. i was really kept on my toes a bit fr. i think out of what i read arc 2 was ABSOLUTELY my favorite for sure. it was such an amazing read and in a few aspects i enjoyed it More than canon arc 2!! not that canon arc 2 is bad (i enjoyed canon arc 2 A Lot) but re:63’s arc 2 has such Fascinating things in it…. hah i wont go into too much detail though its Spoilery.

but either way. re:63 is a very strong and solid fic imo. i really enjoyed it overall!! i might return to the fic someday to read through it from start to finish—not sure if i ever will but id have a fun time i think hah. its an absolute gem and you can see all the work spriteanon puts into it!!