#i also fear the movies will make me cry so i am avoiding them for as long as i can

[froggiewrites]

I know you’re not taking requests rn BUT if in the future you wouldn’t mind and think it’s fun: I was working and had disney’s mulan (1998 obviously) in the background, hadn’t watched in a while so I did laugh when mulan was practicing acting like a man and said “ha! I see you have a sword, I have one too! they’re very manly-” and just drops the sword. What if reader had to go undercover as swordsman somewhere and they ask zoro for help/pointers and they do this really bad act in front of him? or maybe it’s something like a first meeting kind of thing where the reader is trying to blend in to escape or something and encounters zoro, does this horrible act and ends up confessing and asking for help? I just think this would be hilarious bc zoro might seem and feel very offended but has probably experienced worse with the crew’s jokes and if feelings are involved he could be like “why am I attracted to this idiot?”, affectionately ofc lol

I had a lot of fun with this one, anon. Mulan is tied for my favorite Disney movie, so I was already super on board with this request, and then as I started writing it just started getting really silly. I hope you enjoy it!!

Make a (Swords)Man Out of You

Pairing: Zoro x Reader

SFW

Summary: Your attempt to go undercover as a master swordsman isn't going particularly well. A kind (if somewhat grumpy) stranger offers you some lessons to help keep up the ruse. Warnings: Fluff, Reader is a loser (affectionate) in this one, Zoro is also a bit of a loser Word Count: 2.5k

You were seriously going to get yourself killed.

You were convinced this was going to be easy. You’d tricked people before, and frankly, how hard could it be to use a sword? You don’t need to pretend to be the best swordsman, just a swordsman!

It turns out using a sword is, admittedly, kind of hard.

You couldn’t count on one hand the amount of times you had nearly cut yourself, or the blade had slipped from your hands, or you ended up not slicing through anything because you messed up your swing. You try to tell yourself over and over again that you don’t need to be the best, just mediocre, but you can’t even manage that at this point. You’re going to get caught. You’ve been undercover in this group for a week now, and you’ve managed to avoid any actual swordplay so far, but you can’t keep this up for long. Not only have you not found the treasure you wanted, you’re probably going to get your head sliced off before you find even a hint of it’s location. 

So here you are, in the middle of the night, trying and once again failing to make a dent on this stupid training dummy.

“You’re not holding it right.”

You nearly jump out of your skin at the sound of a man’s voice behind you. You whip around to see another mysterious swordsman who showed up a few days ago and immediately wiped the floor with several members of the group. You had no idea why he was here, considering he didn’t seem nearly as interested in mindless violence or ill-gotten gains as the rest of the people here. You couldn’t quite recall his name.

“I know what I’m doing,” you grumble, unconvincingly.

“Oh yeah?” He has a smug grin on his face, one that just screams I know more than you and we both know it. “Will you show me, then?”

This is it. You’re caught, he’s going to tell, and you’re going to get sliced to a billion little pieces. You try to keep your cool, to steady your breath and lie through your teeth as you have been all week, but something about him just cuts to your core and you break. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

He takes a step back at the panic in your voice, immediately looking unsure at the sight of your tears. “I’m not–I–Stop crying!” He says it roughly, more of a command than anything else, which only makes you cry harder.

“Please, I don’t want them to kill me! I didn’t think it’d be this hard! I just wanted some treasure, is that so wrong? Life is expensive!” Your blubber would be embarrassing if you had any coherent thoughts through your fear.

“Who said anything about killing you?” He moves forward, his hand covering your mouth and muffling your sobs and panicked words. “And seriously, stop crying. You’re being too damn loud, you’re going to get yourself caught! God, it’s a wonder you haven’t been caught already. You’re so obvious I knew from the moment I walked in you were trying to run some kind of con.”

You try to ask him how he knew immediately, but the words don’t make it through his palm.

“Stop talking. It’s fine. No one’s going to kill you.”

You think he can hear you promise? through his hand.

“Yes, I promise. Just…stop.”

He frees your mouth, and you take a deep and steadying breath.

“So why are you pretending to be a swordsman?”

“These bandits have been stealing a lot from people here, and I heard they stole a big priceless artifact from a nobleman. I figure if I get that, I can get off the island, sell it, and be set for life.”

“So you said you were a master swordsman?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t think about lying about anything more believable?”

“They said they needed one. And I didn’t think I’d be this bad at it.”

He closes his eyes, pondering a moment. “You do seem pretty uniquely terrible at this.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“No problem.”

You try to steady your breath, and while you do, he takes your hands in his, turning them over and glaring at them as though they were an insult.

“Why are they so soft?”

“What?”

“Your hands. They’re too soft. You don’t have a single callus.”

“Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”

“It means you don’t do anything with them. It means you definitely don’t hold a sword. If anyone here were capable you’d have been out on your ass day one.”

“I don’t think most people would notice that.”

“Any decent swordsman would. You’re damn lucky I’m the only one here.”

You want to scoff, to ask him what makes him so qualified, but you know he could sound the alarm at any moment, and it’s stupid to piss off a man who holds your life in his hands. “Why haven’t you turned me in already?”

He scoffs. “Why would I?”

“They’d probably give you a reward or something. You don’t get anything out of helping me.”

“What, are you trying to convince me to do it?”

Your heart clenches, your voice raising with fear. “No!”

He shushes you harshly. “God, it was a joke! Be quiet!”

You shrink in on yourself, covering your mouth before he gets the chance.

He sighs. “You’re terrible at this. Why the hell did you think you could keep up this act?”

“I’ve tricked people before!”

“Did those people have swords?”

“...No.”

“Did you keep up an act for weeks at a time?”

“Well–”

“Yes or no.”

“...No.”

He pinches his forehead, muttering something under his breath about an idiot you remind him of, and you pout indignantly. 

“I’m not an idiot!”

“Oh yeah? Because everything I’ve seen tonight has been pretty dumb.”

“Okay, well why are you here then, genius?”

He goes quiet, his eyes sliding away from yours.

“What, no answer?”

He mumbles something.

“What was that?”

You can barely hear the words, almost lost as he whispers them, his head tilted down in embarrassment. “I got lost.”

You can’t help the bark of a laugh that leaves you. “What?”

“I got lost! I was going to find my ship and I got turned around, so I decided to stay and see what this place was about! So what?”

“You got lost so you decided to join a group of bandits? And you’ve been here for days! Don’t you have anybody looking for you?”

“They’ll show up eventually!”

“Why didn’t you just ask for directions?”

“I don’t need directions!”

“Clearly, you do!”

You both groan in unison at the other, fighting frustration. You aren’t in much of a position to judge, but how could a person be more helpless? At least you got yourself into trouble on purpose.

“Where is your ship supposed to be docked?”

“I don’t remember exactly, it was near an opera house.”

“An…opera house?”

“Yeah?”

You cannot believe this is happening. “We don’t have one of those.”

“What?”

“There isn’t an opera house on this island. The closest one is a day’s ferry trip away. How the hell did you get here?”

“I walked.”

“That literally cannot be true! Like physically!”

“Well it is! So you must have forgotten!”

“Forgotten about the layout of the island I’ve lived my entire life on? Really?”

“God, you’re so annoying. I can’t believe I was going to help you.”

You pause. “You were going to help me? With what?”

“With swordplay! Obviously! You can’t even hold the damn thing right, you clearly need it.” He’s pouting, his lower lip jutted out like a child about to throw a tantrum. You just barely hold yourself back from telling himself that. As fun as it may be to taunt him, you really do need the help.

You can swallow your pride for the night. If everything works out, maybe you can make fun of him for this later. “...Would you still be willing to help me?”

“Why should I?”

“I can get you back to your ship. After I get the treasure, I mean.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“No offense, but you definitely do. And I kind of want to go with you anyway. I’m a little worried you’ll just walk off into the ocean if I don’t.”

He glares at you, eyes raking up and down your form, considering for a moment. He sighs. “Fine, I guess I can help.”

You feel hopeful for the first time in a while. Your new friend, who informs you his name is Zoro, seems rather skilled. Maybe this plan won’t get you killed after all!

Two days later you’re kicking yourself for daring to think that even for a second.

“How the hell are you still doing it wrong?” His hands are on your back again, adjusting your posture for the twentieth time today. “How hard can it be just to swing a sword?”

“It’s not! I’ve been swinging it this whole time!” You aggressively bring the blade down on the training dummy you two had stolen for your lessons. Zoro had thought you would need a day at most to get the basics down, but you were nearing the end of day two and making absolutely no progress.

He sighs, wrapping his arms around you, pressing his chest to your back as he adjusts your hold. You try not to blush as you ask, “What are you doing?”

“Fixing your hold. Come on, we’re going to swing it together. Clearly just telling you isn’t working, but maybe this will.” He puts his hands over yours, and you feel the heat radiating off of him. You try to focus on the movement as he guides you, but you can’t help but be distracted by the feeling of his muscles against your back. “Did you get that?”

“Huh?” You’re so grateful he can’t see your face right now. “Sorry, uh, can we do that one more time?”

Instead of making fun of you or complaining, he simply guides you through the motion again, going slow to ensure you understand every step, before repeating it again closer to a normal speed. “Did you get it?”

“I…think so. Maybe.”

He chuckles, and you can feel the rumble of his chest against your back. “Alright. Try it yourself, now.”

You do, and for once, the sword flies through the air with ease, and makes a sizable slash in the dummy. You stare for a moment, dumbfounded, before you drop the sword and whirl around to face him. “I did it!” You can’t stop yourself from throwing your arms around him.

“Wha–Hey! Don’t drop your sword!” Despite his scolding tone of voice, his arms are gentle as they wrap around you, lifting you up slightly. “...But that was good.”

Is that a hint of red at the tips of his ears?

No, of course not. It couldn’t be.

He sets you down, picking up the sword and placing it back in your hand. “Now do it again. If you can do something as simple as that, you can probably keep up the facade long enough to find your treasure.”

You do the motion ten, twenty, then thirty more times while Zoro watches on with satisfaction. “You know, I could probably make a real swordsman out of you if we had the time.”

You laugh. “Maybe you could. I don’t have anywhere to be after this. Does your ship have room for one more?”

You say it as a joke, but you can see on his face that for a moment, he genuinely considers the possibility. “It’s a big ship. You’d have to get approval from my Captain, though.”

“Do you think I could?”

“He’d love you.” He smiles fondly. “You’re just as reckless as he is. And you’d get along with everyone else, too. Nami would appreciate having someone else who knows the value of a Berry around. Usopp would love how gullible you are. And that cook…” He makes a quiet noise of disgust. “Anyway, you’d fit right in.”

You can see the affection radiating off of him as he talks about his friends. You can’t help but smile back at him. “They sound nice.”

“They have their moments.”

You sheathe your sword, rolling out your shoulders and neck. “Well, I think I only have a bit to go before I get the treasure. I’m so close I can taste it. I bet I can find it by tonight.”

“Here’s hoping. As you are now, you’d still get caught the moment you got put into a real battle. We have to find it quickly.”

You freeze, your heart pounding a little faster. “...We?”

“Yeah?” He looks at you like it’s obvious.

“You’re coming with me?”

“You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I don’t know! You never said you were going to!”

“I thought it was obvious. We’re going to go in, grab the treasure, and run like hell.”

You don’t like the way he simplifies it, but you have to admit that’s basically your entire plan. “And then I take you back to your ship?”

“It’d be hard for you to join if you didn’t.”

You can’t hide your shock. “You were serious?”

“Were you not?”

“I mean–I’d like to, but–”

“If you want to, then there’s no but. It’s settled.” He says it so easily. You wonder where he gets the confidence to speak things into existence like that, to say things as though they’re sure to happen simply because he wills it. His next words are spoken as an afterthought, as though they left his mouth before he even realized they were coming. “That’s good. I didn’t really want to let you go.”

“Huh?” Your face is definitely red now.

“Huh?” His face might be redder than yours.

“Did you–”

“No, definitely not.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He sharply turns around. “We have a treasure to go steal.”

Well, if he isn’t going to be brave about this, you suppose you’ll have to. You wouldn’t survive the tension-filled boat ride over otherwise. “Oh, the brave swordsman is running away?”

You see his shoulders tense, and you know you got him. “I am not running away.”

“Then why aren’t you looking at me, Zoro?” You keep your voice teasing and sickly sweet.

He slowly turns, desperately avoiding your eyes.

“You still aren’t loo–”

Before you can finish your taunt, chapped lips are pressed against yours. It’s jarring and all too brief, gone before you even realize it was there. By the time you can blink, he’s backed away again, stalking off with a purpose. “Come on. We’re losing daylight.”

“That’s the wrong way.”

He turns back around without a word, rushing past you. You can’t help the goofy little grin that makes its way onto your lips. You won’t tell him, not now, but you didn’t really want to let him go quite yet either.

Tag List: @pandora-writes-one-piece @shy-writer-999 @dreamcastgirl99 @tochillwithamockingjay

[1-800-luvmail]

simon ghost riley who cries over dog movies and vehemently refuses to admit it, even though you totally caught him trying to wipe away tears after watching a dog's purpose.

"you're jus' fuckin' heartless," he scoffs, trying to avoid making eye contact with you. you and your shit eating grin— yeah, you've got him cornered.

not like he's about to back down though. "who the hell doesn't like dogs? man's best friend for a reason, luv."

you raise your hands in defense. "hey, i like dogs just as much as the next. they're cute or whatever. dog movies though? ehhh..."

he doesn't even realize he's defending this movie with his chest. "heartless," he repeats, crossing his arms.

"well, it's not like the dog actually had to die when they were filming."

he's thankful you this conversation is between the two of you. johnny probably would've died laughing and simon wouldn't have heard the end of it.

that being said, simon totally forgets about the conversation until a random night he's spending with you and the 141. it's a movie night, a normal and mundane tradition that you and the group conduct with not a lot of thought.

simon usually doesn't care for debating on which movie to watch with the rest of you— until johnny offhandedly suggesting "marley and me" for the film tonight.

he's not even subtle about it. johnny's got the most mischevious look in his eyes, barely containing the grin as he glances directly in simon's direction when he asks the group.

simon looks over to you suspiciously... and you conveniently have your gaze averted from him, as you clearly try to hold back laughter.

+ you watching da movie.... sry if u luv sad dog movies and also cry 2 them,,, si would probz luv 2 cry w/ u and share tissues :<

alas this writing is an indulgence cuz personally i dont rly like them,,, that being said i cry everytime i watch a muppet's christmas carol and see tiny tim sooo... stones and glass houses ig :p

anyways this is so detached from canon. i just want him as A Guy yknow. love him. i think hes silly. also i dont have much interest in cod anymore i fear... those were the good ol' days...... *takes a drag of an invisible cigarette* its 1 am what am i saying

[dandelionsresilience]

I’m rlly hope im not bothering u but i just…need an ear to listen/a shoulder to cry on.

I’m so exhausted. Idk if I’ll even be able to play Minecraft anymore due to everything going on which sucks cuz this game was a huge part of my childhood and brought me a bit of peace after the election last year when I started playing to distract myself i haven’t played it for awhile ago even before the BDS announced the boycott. I keep seeing ppl that it’s still fine to play the game offline and just not spend any money on it(which is something I am doing and do plan on 🏴‍☠️ the movie) and seeing ppl saying they opposite which is making me super confused and being scared to death to even touch the game and for all we know Palestine probably won’t be free in my lifetime(or never) along with Microsoft not pulling out of supporting isreal, sellers for jfashion and anime merch I like have stopped shipping to the US and idk how long it’ll be temporary for or if it’ll be forever, Trump says he wants to run for a third term, everything keeps getting more expensive, I now have to fear ghe possibility getting round up and thrown into a camp/asylum and or be experimented on or killed thanks to RFK jr making a few disease tracking thingy for autism, and I know I need to hold onto hope and keep fighting but everything overall just keeps getting so much more worse and not better and everyday I resent anti voters and third party voters who willingly chose not to vote blue and refusing to prevent all of this from happening(even if Trump did cheat theyre still asswipes)…

I can’t believe I have to share the same planet with these wastes of oxygen. I’m so exhausted..I’m so tired..part of me wishes I should’ve died on election night cuz at least then I wouldn’t be going through this endless loop of pain and despair and watching as everything slowly crumbles around me. I just want it all to end. I’m so tired. I’m tired seeing everything fall apart with nothing improving whatsoever majorly. Why did my parents bring me into this world? I wish i hadn’t been born at all

thank you for reaching out! it’s completely normal to feel afraid and hopeless under these circumstances, you’re definitely not alone in that. I’m so sorry it’s affecting you like this. the thing I’m good at online is providing resources, so for a more sympathetic shoulder to cry on, please consider contacting a “warmline” - like a hotline, but for less urgent situations.

“the primary ask from organizers [of the Microsoft boycott] is to help deprive Microsoft of revenue.” simply playing a game that you already own does not generate revenue, as long as you avoid microtransactions. don’t give them money, and if it doesn’t have ads, you’re good. they literally don’t even know if you’re playing offline, so there’s no possible way they could benefit. plus, I would argue that if participating in a boycott would harm you (eg. making you “scared to death” to play a game you love), the difference one individual will make to the cause does not outweigh your personal wellbeing - but again, just playing the game is compliant with the boycott’s goal of impeding revenue

for merch that’s no longer sold in the US, you can try Etsy, thrift shops, or making your own.

as an Autistic person myself, I’m also worried about what RFK’s statements could lead to. I would recommend that anyone not yet diagnosed should postpone seeking diagnosis until after this administration and its policies end, just to be on the safe side. while diagnosis can of course be beneficial, the only “treatment” that many insurance companies will cover is ABA, which is known to be abusive and traumatizing (TW the latter link is upsetting, just sharing for those who don’t know), and most accommodations that diagnosis would legally entitle you to can be requested more informally, especially in a school/university setting (despite my diagnosis, my college refused to officially give me any of the accommodations my psychiatrist recommended, but I got most of what I needed by speaking to individual professors). As for what to do about it, you can get involved with Autistic advocacy groups like ASAN (they have a tumblr too), AASPIRE, or the Autism Society

in response to your last paragraph, I seriously urge you to PLEASE call a hotline - there are people who are trained to listen and help - and get therapy if you can. despair is a natural response to everything that’s happening, but you’re more important than all of that. I’ve been there; the worst of it for me was around a decade ago now, and in the last few years I’ve genuinely felt hope. it really, truly, does get so much better, as long as you’re here to see it.

focus small, on yourself and your family. 1. what’s good about this exact moment? for me, it’s beautiful weather out and I get to see the new leaves coming in on all the trees. 2. what can you do to make right now just a little bit better? if I weren’t at work, I might get a cup of tea to enjoy in the sun. 3. if you feel up to it, what can you do right now to make tomorrow a little better? maybe when I get home I’ll wash a couple dishes so I can drink from a clean cup in the morning; on a somewhat longer timescale, I garden - check out my dirt (I promise there’s seeds in there lmao) - and this gives me hope.

[br-disaster]

Nie Mingjue's Fatal Journey crying scenes appreciation post

There's no way I wouldn't make this post, but it ended up way longer than I intended.

Fighting with Huaisang

When is this man not tearing up?

This fight is so important for Huaisang's character development and the movie's themes, with Huaisang being ready to challenge and question the Nie ways and Mingjue doing his best to uphold those traditions and keep the peace through the only way he knows how.

But it's still hard to be challenged like this and to face the possibility that everything you've ever known might not be right, actually.

And this gif specifically is from the moment Huaisang questions if Mingjue even knows what they're there to fight and what this supposed great evil that will come to Qinghe if they fail to balance their blades even is. Mingjue has no answer, of course, I suppose he was only taught this and never had reason to question it.

But Huaisang is also talking about the disciples they already 'lost' at this point of the movie, and he says something along the lines of " You don't know anything, you only know how to bring them here to die" and that does it. Because it's both "you can't follow these rules blindly when they rely on sacrificing people" and "you've changed and I don't trust your judgement on these matters anymore".

And as he says it, Mingjue looks at their disciples and he sees the puppets for a moment. And Huaisang just questioned if the other disciples were really attacked by puppets.

So that's a big moment and Huaisang is right, of course, but he doesn't have a confirmation that this is the result of Mingjue's health deterioration yet, so he keeps pushing. And Mingjue doesn't really have a counter argument because he knows what's going on with him, but it must be very scary to hear it from the person you care about the most and realize just how much you're being affected.

(Actually, Mingjue has one counter argument and that is "Well, I am at least trying to do something while you're painting and living a carefree life", and he's not wrong either. Huaisang is right and rightfully harsh, but this is the first time he's being confronted with these difficult choices and all their family history. He can reflect on and question it, but his brother has been meking those hard decisions since he was 14, when did he ever had a break to question and change things?)

Which leads us to

The Talk

After seeing his brother sacrifice himself for him at the bridge, and then seeing Mingjue be so vulnerable and lost, that anger from their fight is gone. They can meet in the middle with "You are right, I wasn't thinking straight, this is not a long term solution and I've failed at changing our ways" and "It's not your fault, you did everything you could but you're not responsible for this situation" and it's very beautiful and heartbreaking.

Mingjue is so remorseful, both because he has condemned Huaisang to die with him and because he feels like he failed everyone and everything (even if he doesn't seem to know what he could have done differently to avoid all this).

And Huaisang's reaction in this scene is so calm it made me think this Huaisang is somewhat used to his brother displaying vulnerability around him. This isn't book NMJ with all his victories, this isn't a man who never let the Unclean Realm be conquered and who could afford to keep Huaisang far away from the war. This is a man who was attacked and subdued in his own home, who had to send Huaisang to the hands of the people who killed their father.

This Huaisang doesn't have reasons to see Mingjue as this unmovable force, he has seen Mingjue hurt and threatened and fearful; and he's now seeing him remorseful and defeated.

(I'm sure Mingjue telling Huaisang about the fact that he's dying and admiting his mistakes and insecurities is something new, especially considering their previous fight, but this Huaisang doesn't take it as a shock, because he knows his brother is only human and there's only so much he can handle. He even, like, explicitly says this)

And so he assumes this calm, reassuring and empathetic posture, because that's what his brother is asking for. And it's the most beautiful thing, Huaisang has so much love for him, so much empathy. And this is Mingjue's reaction to his brother's reassurance that it's okay if they have to die there:

I'm sure Huaisang is still processing Mingjue's "I only forced you to practice because I'll die soon", but he's so good at reassuring his brother.

Because Mingjue just told him "I am dying and I'll go as a failure" and Huaisang insisted "None of this is your fault and you did everything you could and more, and if I have to die here with you today, I don't regret a thing, and you shouldn't either".

There's no despair or anger that his brother is only telling him this now, there's only understanding and acceptance and so much love and they really knew what they were doing with this movie.

His people love him

Mingjue is so moved. He just admitted to Huaisang that he's not in peace with his accomplishments, or lack thereof; that he feels ashamed to face his ancestors, having done so little.

So I truly believe Mingjue doesn't consider himself worthy of this much trust and support. (And I can't ignore how this is tied to the Nightless City situation, where he led the men who trusted him with their lives to a dangerous situation and couldn't save any of them).

As we see in the confrontation at Jinlintai, that technically happens after this movie, that is still a very sensitive topic.

And here he has his loyal disciples saying they will follow him yet again, despite his previous 'failures'; just like Huaisang was ready to die with him. They have so much trust in him, and the way he's nodding a little here, just like he was nodding when Huaisang reminded him of everything he's done for their sect since their father died, is like he's convincing himself of it. That he can do this and he can do this right this time.

And yet

He fails again. And I don't even think he knows it was him who killed those disciples, like some people say. He doesn't need to because it doesn't matter. His men, who followed him till the end of the world, are dead again. And so is the hope he had of doing this one right thing before he dies.

Yes, he supressed the saber spirit like he had to, but they're still dead, all of them.

He falls apart, how could he not?

At some point I'm sure Huaisang his holding all his weight because he just gives up. There's only so much loss one can handle and that's way too much.

And look at the way Huaisang is watching him as he realizes something inside Mingjue shattered forever.

There's so much pain in this scene, it looks physically taxing and I hope people gave Wang Yizhou a break after he shot this. I know it's his job and he's phenomenal at it, but this has to mess with your head a little.

And hey, it's a Huaisang crying scene as well. CQL Huaisang only really cries twice. First he watches his brother have a mental breakdown in his arms after unknowingly killing his own disciples; and then as he watches his brother qi deviate and die, while unable to do anything to either stop or comfort him.

(And a lot of people said there's no hesitation on Huaisang's part when he rushes to his brother's aid when Mingjue is hurt on this post's notes, and that's true for book Huaisang too, because he runs towards Mingjue as he is qi deviating, gets hurt in the process, and still keeps calling for him, which makes CQL's decision to have JGY holding him back kind of cruel, tbh, there's not a Huaisang who would run from a hurting Mingjue regardless of the risks

But at least we have this scene.)

And that's it, I guess. There's nothing uplifting to say about this, really. He just went through a lot and kept shouldering everything until he couldn't anymore. I just wish book NMJ had gotten to receive the same love and comfort and acceptance from NHS before he died, I wish he had been able to tell his brother what was actually happening, but thats kind of the purpose of this movie, so I'm just very grateful that it exists.

It's like that post says, it didn't change anything but the love was there, you know? That's how this movie feels for me.

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[ganeshpnf]

To the anon that sent me an ask about asking my thoughts about the tv show, Im so sorry but something happened and I think it got deleted 😭 But dw I would still answer it here-

So this would be a critism post and I want to make it clear that everyone is free to reblog and comment their thoughts freely, while being kind. Critism is valid and its not rude, but any bad comments or hateful remarks to any actor, especially child actors, would be deleted. I dont like blocking so dont make me please!

Okay to start, I would be so honest and say I did not find the show successful and I did not like it. I would explain all the reasons, but did it make me feel nostalgia a bit? Yes it did. Did it make me cry at the end? Yes :) I would add pros at the end. But first:

Cgi was really bad, I mean that claiming scene would be a laughing stock in a few years. Chimera? Nope- Medusa's hair also looked better in that movie in 2010. Also they avoided showing Grover's legs so much, also didn't even show us riptide's change...They got 15M per episode and if these are the results, then it is a problem. Background of Percy and Ares's fight- so so greenscreen. I wish Disney can take things seriously.

Lighting was so dark, especially for the lighting thief. Which was such a humor filled book and it was way too colorful. Why make it all so dark and lifeless?

Also humor? Way too low for pjo. "But we are not reading Percy's mind!" Yet, there were so many jokes in the books that could have been add, but they didn't. Yes there are some good jokes (pinecone fate) but to the standart, I expected to laugh way more. Its pjo!

Changes? Well to be honest I am a person who keeps book and show separate, I dont think they are the same at all. So I dont complain about the changes at much. But most of the changes were pointless to me and so many things left unsaid. I wish they didn't make Gabe way too soft. Children's show, yes. But then again, what would you do for later seasons if they cant even show Crusty's dead. Sally's real reason to marry Gabe never get explained, why? 4 pearls, why? Missing deadline? Totally pointless. Not mentioning Riptide's name? Chiron might have say it. Love tunnel? Now its a long one. Rick explained they couldn't do spiders and its hilarious, you gotta do sea monsters man- And instead of a chance to see an actual comedy: live on Olympus and Annabeth losing her shit. We get to see such a early scene of Percabeth drama. Why changing one of the funniest scene in the books to drama? You needed more edits for view or smt? Hephaestus falling over to the speech of friendship was nothing but cringe to me. Moving on, Thalia's acting to Annabeth. Why she is not nice to her and Annabeth had to earn her love. The point was Thalia to remember Jason and taking Annabeth under her wings immediatly bcs of it. Medusa's scene- Instead of us laughing to trio's silly behaviours and falling to her trap like little kids would, we get to hear a monster-hero talk. Yay another speech! Ovid's side of the story also bothered me. Greek mythology, why adding Ovid? Just us to sympatize with Medusa. Lotus Casino scene- We could have watch them have fun and going crazy but noo- they had do add more drama with Hermes. Did not see the point of his appearing either. Why is he there? I wanted to see them being children...And wanted to see the magic of the place!

Now if I move to characters, Percy's I know it all side is just annoying and adds no suspense to the viewers. What's the point if he knows everything already? "But his mom taught him!" But guys, remember, the whole point of pjo was: us to learn with Percy! We were learning the Greek myths with Percy, who is new to the world. They go somewhere and Percy immediatly: "You are Crusty, my mom told stories about you!" 😑 What a relief then! You tell us. Percy's sudden bravery at the end? Dude, he has 5 books for that.

Annabeth turning to a stoic child soldier? Suddenly goody-two shoes? Where are her emotions? Her fears? Her flaws? Her fricking love of architecture? She doesnt need to know everything to be smart girl. She had ADHD, she is 12! Ofc she was supposed to fall in traps. We should have watch her blushing as Luke talks, getting all wet by Percy in the toilet, she was supposed to our little girl. She is not just a badass queen yet, please. Give her personality back. Why she only smiled once at the end of the series? And not having a childhood, not even watched a movie? You guys cant be serious- She grew up in chb! She picked up strawberries, she played games and she watched movies when she was little, remember? She was not in legion... She is one of the most emotional characters, should we remind this to Rick and writers? She cries, she has feeling! Dam she was crying when they left Cerberus! She was a trouble-maker, she stole clothes, remember? Her portrayal was awful...

And about the Gods- Just..."He is trying to make them look awful at the beginning" Then why the hell it was only Athena? Almost turning her to second Zeus- Are you kidding me? You make her suddenly a child killer, when in the books she was nothing like that. Why making her worse, when other gods(Poseidon, Hermes, Hephaestus,Dionysus,Ares,Hades) seem way more human and nicer? You cant tell me he tries to make them worse when they are portrayed like that! No sir- Hephaestus is nice enough to release Percy after a friendship speech. Poseidon is suddenly a perfect dad, he is not sorry that Percy is born. Ares is just a dumb twitter bully, where in the books he was threating them to no end. And fricking Hades?! I am sorry but Hades like that- He should have been scary. But no, he is just a lonely cool guy. I thought he softened after Nico. Cant wait for the development now...

Other than that, one of my most important things: vibe. Sorry...Like I said, it was way too boring for pjo. Even that horrible movies had more vibe! Gimme the vibe!

Pacing? Has a problem and I hope they fix it. Episodes being too short? Also another issue.

Now for the chb, I was hoping to see more activity. Why the camp is not full of noisy kids running around, playing hide and seek like in the books, training wild around the areas, camfire and silly songs? Where are our children screaming and being ADHD demigods? Instead they play chess in the cabin- Please, give more life to chb.

Finally, for the things I liked:

Riptide song!!! That song is my favourite thing in the whole show- Like its soo good.

Seeing Sally's struggle to raise Percy. Also a plus for me. Because I was curious. Also adding Poseidon to the scene was okay. I loved that parts.

Young Percy did awesome and he was such a good actor :)

Percy's dreams were good, I loved seeing them. Congrats! Andd, child accurate cast. It was important. But I wish they hurry so then we wont have it anymore 😭

That was it! Like I said, I find it a bad show, as a fan of 12 years. I waited this for so many years. I was dreaming this. But sorry, bad show is a bad show. At least it did give me some nostalgia and it did make me cry at the end :) I hope they improve because it would suck if they get a cancel before season 5. The bad thing is, I feel they knew we pjo fandom wanted a show for years. And they knew we would eat the crumbs. Its just not fair, you know. They would like it anyway, type. They are not taking it as seriously as they should. With that budget, look at other shows with that budget. I know, its still a kids' show. But I dont think its an excuse for them to upset the fans who waited this long...

Thanks for the ask anon! And like I said, feel free to add your thoughts :)

[delugyu]

h-hi.. i say, shaken and disheveled after all the love language era content 😭😭 for my mental health i cannot even begin to talk about the mv alone without my words becoming incomprehensible or just straight up BARKING. ok fine only two words. KAI’S ABS…… [flatline noise.]

ooohh congrats about the interview and the pierce the veil concert!! and good luck with your interview, what an amazing opportunity 🫶🏾 the discord thing is so tru tho.. i added people (not from tumblr) a few years ago for ‘casual friendship..’ again, i have a 12th house stellium so we kno how that goes 💀 those people are some of my closest friends to date, our friendship goes far beyond just ‘internet friends’

wait… taehyun as jennifer in a jennifer’s body au?! ITS A NEED NOT A WANT!!! brief / random lore dump: why was the ✨kiss scene✨ in that movie like my first gay awakening LMFAOOO surely most people relate to that.. right? 🤔 reimagining that with taehyun tho.. *duck shaking head with cigarette gif* yea… #needthat

OFC U GET MEEEE!! silly beomgyu thinking that taehyun would EVER let him get a taste of mc again (at the very least not until he broke the both of them. saying sorry isn’t enough, he’s a brat tamer dealing with *two* brats after all 💔) mc knows better than to try to override taehyun’s decision, she might as well just smile and wave gyu goodbye 😭

girl i’ve been wanting to play the sims too !! also a new game called inzoi came out. purely out of jealousy i haven’t watched people play it much 😭 my poor macbook starts sweating and the fan starts blowing loud asl if i even hover over the sims icon so i wouldn’t dare buy / install it LMFAOO

— ♐️ stellium anon

ps: i fear u were right about the writers curse 😟 JKJK take ur time, we will wait until it’s to your standards !! it’ll be worth the wait <3

HEYYYYY 😚😚😚 literally this era has me folding over crying out in agony that i’ll never get to wife all of txt up… is this not cruel and unusual like omg. i need them badly.

hehe tyyyy i just had my interview last friday and it went super super well so i was cheesing so hard the rest of the day!!! it starts in the fall semester so i’ll update in a few months on how that goes 😋 LOLLL those lifelong bonds a 12th house stellium makes are soooo karmic and spiritual like u guys are locked in forever!! i honestly might give in and get discord soon LMAO but idkkkk we’ll see! i like the ppl on this side of tumblr so i’m slowly getting convinced

YESSS i love jennifer’s body so much, ive read a few aus and i just love the concept so much. i almost wrote one for the last fandom i was in but that was years ago lmao. decided against it at the time but now that my writing’s matured and i’m more confident with delivering that kind of concept, i think it’ll be super fun. the jennifer’s body gay awakening is SOOOO REAL needy and jennifer are so insanely hot together 😵‍💫 and as i’ve said before i am such a huge sucker for best friend tropes especially when it gets toxic and clingy and obsessive 😇 so like is that not perfect?!? and taehyun as jennifer makes my head spin…. god complex taehyun with demonic powers I NEED YOUUUU

brat tamer taehyun dealing with gyu and mc… that’s so beautiful… no but i literally love this idea so much i lowkey wanna write it but it wouldn’t fit with the storyline i’m going for 😫 maybe as an extra once i’m done with the series because this thought is actually so delicious

omg i’ve never heard of inzoi before i’m looking it up rn. the graphics look like a cross between sims and gta lol cute. also twin for avoiding watching other ppl enjoy something out of jealousy cause i do that too 🤞 im crying so bad at ur macbook screaming for help the second u even think abt opening the sims 😭😭😭 i can literally only download and play it for like a month at a time cause any longer than that my laptop starts freaking out and threatening to explode. my last sims family had a serial arsonist (extremely bad chef) and i broke out in a sweat every time she walked into the kitchen. the amount of times i had to motherlode to replace the appliances. i almost had the other girls beat her i was so annoyed 😭

SHUT UPPPPAKJAJKSHSH the writers curse is so real 😭😭😭 thank u tho bae teehee i’m glad everyone’s super patient cause i was lowkey preparing myself to get hate for that LMAO idk why bc i’ve literally never had a negative experience on here. i mean it’s only been 4 months but still. that was actually one of the reasons i hesitated making this account for so long, i was worried abt getting hated and doxxed and shit 😭 well also the moral implications of writing smut about real people but. i’m well beyond redemption for that now lmao. but honestly i’ve had a super pleasant experience so far!

hehe ty for popping innnn 🤍🤍🤍

[theweirdoinurhouse]

Phobias, am I right?

Sorry for the bad title, but in my Ted Talk of the day I'll be discussing Tokophobia and thanatophobia (mainly this one). I've seen some talk about them, and want to share my own personal experiences with them and spread more light on the subjects.

CW: Talk of death, pregnancy, childbirth, and rape (very briefly) Please proceed with caution, I don't want anybody to have a mental crisis

So first off, what are tokophobia and thanatophobia? Tokophobia is the fear of childbirth/pregnancy, and thanatophobia is the fear of death. That one is pretty broad. I will section off talking about each of them. Warning, they might be long.

Thanatophobia:

I'll just get this one out of the way. I personally have thanatophobia stronger than tokophobia, and that's because it's literally unavoidable. And that's the main reason I'm so scared of it. Unlike other fears like heights or spiders or snakes, you can decently avoid those. But you can't avoid death. It's always looming over you, no matter how safe you seem. Not to say those other fears aren't valid or anything. They absolutely are. But nobody can avoid death. Not forever anyways.

Everytime I get home and open the door I'm scared someone might be on the other side with a gun. Or when I enter my room. Or whenever I'm walking I wonder if that maybe someone will drive by and shoot me. Lots of shooting thoughts, because it's one of the easiest methods. But no matter where I am I always have the looming thought of dying.

Then there's the fact about mortality. It absolutely angers me. Inside me are two wolves (sorry I have to joke to make myself feel better). One wolf thinks: Why do anything? We won't matter. We won't do anything that matters to the world or people. We're gonna die one day. We're not special. Why try so hard? The other wolf thinks: We're gonna die one day, so why not live life to the fullest? (Can you tell which one I listen to most of the time?)

I try my best to live my life to the fullest. But I'm always so stressed about everything. Then whenever I try to do something "cool" or think about doing something cool, I can only think of how that might make my life even shorter. I watched this one movie where this girl was the embodiment of "YOLO". Guess what? She died.

I don't want that to be me. I don't want to finally decide to do something fun and then die. But I also don't want to stay cooped up my whole life. Every thought I have contradicts each other and it's so hard to live with. I hate thinking about how we're all just going to die one day and that we can't do anything about it. And we have no clue what's after.

I'm not religious. And honestly? That makes this even worse. I have nothing to hold onto. I have nothing to look forward to. I have nothing. 😋😋 I won't talk much about religion. Like ever. But yeah, I don't have a belief of what's after, and it's makes the unknown so scary to me. I don't like not knowing. Just endless black? No consciousness? Nothing? Nothing.

I have oh so many thoughts about death. None positive. Sometimes I think about killing myself to escape this sad, non-satisfying world. When I was younger I made this idea with my step dad that when you die you get your own island in the sky and you can make it as perfect to you as you want. Sometimes I want to die to go to my own personal, amazing life. But what if that's fake? What if everything everyone has ever thought of about the afterlife is fake? Not having an answer is scary enough for me.

Earlier today I was helping out at a theater put away some stuff. I was standing on top of a latter. Then suddenly it was getting a little hard to breath and I was crying. Had to steady myself before getting off the ladder. So really other fears that can correspond to death scares me too. How diverse! 😄

Anyways that's the basics. Ill just stop it there before it gets too long.

Tokophobia:

This one will be shorter, so people who don't like reading a lot of words: here ya go.

Remember in thanatophobia I mentioned walking? Yeah sometimes I think about someone 🍇 me and (bc the government low key sucks) being forced to have a child. TERRIFYING!!! Honestly props to all the moms in the world, i could never give birth.

Whenever I think about pregnancy the first thing that pops up in my brain is that one scene from Alien. You know the one. There is a literal LIVING BEING GROWING IN YOUR STOMACH!!! WHAT?!

The thought just really grosses me out, and I just would have a mental breakdown if I was pregnant.

This one time in like 3rd grade my teacher was talking about her giving birth to her two daughters (no clue why she did). She had to stop because one kid was crying, knees to their chest and rocking back and forth. That child was me. I was absolutely mortified of the idea of giving birth. Still am. People call it the beauty of life. I call it absolutely disgusting (no offense. Omg opinions!!)

Anyway yeah. In summary: I don't like the world ☺️☺️

(I did not re-read this, so sorry for any mistakes in spelling or grammar!)

[daz4i]

actually i AM gonna post abt this again. sorry

like when i say they make me feel like i'm in a story. i mean it

we started talking and immediately clicked. talked nonstop for days really

we both had relationships like that years before, but then paused that behavior bc we were young and it wasn't the healthiest, but now we were adults and knew better. it was the first one after that break for both of us

i avoided this behavior for awhile bc i knew it's not the healthiest but it felt so good when it happened. i (rightfully) feared the crash but at the time, the high was so worth it. and everything was going so smoothly too. things kept aligning just right all the time

every time i thought something is gonna come up or that i did something wrong and now it's all gonna blow up, they proved that i had no reason to worry, bc they let it slide immediately, even liked it

we kind of completed each other in every way. liked the same things and had a lot in common, but were opposites in enough things that we weren't TOO similar

i stopped worrying abt annoying them relatively early into the whole thing (usually it takes me months or even years, or i never stop at all. here it was maybe 2-3 weeks)

we became actually close right on their birthday. a small thing but you gotta admit if this was a story it'd be poetic as hell

every time they had a problem and i jokingly said i'm sending a spell their way to fix it, it passed after like 2 minutes. absolutely insane coincidence stuff

i mentioned this before. and this is gonna be embarrassing but. we met through, well, kin stuff lol. they kin chuuya, i kin dazai, we joked abt kindating etc. anyway my mental health was shit but they genuinely uplifted me a lot. they made me want to live for the first time in who knows how long, maybe ever. i think you can tell why i prefaced this story with that fact 🥲 embarrassing but real

and now this shit? 😭 another small thing but like. i make a post abt them bc now is generally around the time we started talking, and someone i follow queued a post from their blog and it posts right now?? they've been decativated for nearly a year HOW did this line up like that 😭

they unfortunately made me believe in the concept of soulmates :/ but as my friends (and mom. bc she saw me cry over the whole thing for days) said. if they cut me off and hurt me like that, they weren't ~the one~

and another thing that made me feel more like i'm in a teen movie is. i legit spent a day and a half in bed crying and barely doing anything else, after they cut me off. truly cliche stuff. actually that's a good way to put it - they made me feel like a cliche. still do when i think abt it a year later. it was a good thing at first, bad when it ended. i could make a movie abt this barely changing any detail and it'll be an average teen romantic comedy (except i'll have to add some happy ending there)

anyway let me finish all that by saying. who the fuck blocks someone on spotify 😭 dude...

(it's been a year and i got burned so badly from this whole thing that i seriously doubt i'll be able to love someone this much again. i need it to be an instant obsession to actually feel good about love, but i'll never be able to confidently go into any new relationship with that purpose because i'm just too scared things will hurt this much again. it's honestly so depressing lol 🥲 but what can ya do)

(i also became the most suicidal i've ever been since lol. probably bc of how big the drop was. it still hasn't gone away. part of why i see no point in life is bc of that previous paragraph. so.)

[noplsnoplsno]

Why I believe that I may be an autistic adult woman that was mis/undiganosed

Hi so just a brain dump here, and I am hoping that this is recieved well. If not oh well, it in the internet.

Things that I had as a child with vivid memories:

Ive went through almost my whole life not understanding how people make and maintain friends. Especially multiple friends.

I spent hours, days, weeks, studying social interactions as a child. I would watch movies of women that I wanted to be like (primarily the princess diaries) and would try to copy and learn everything I could to be more likeable. I checked out books on how to have practice social things. I would sit in front of the mirror and practice my face and tone of voice.

I would spend a lot of time creating worlds in my head, living in wonderlands of tiny people that lived in stick homes that I built them outside, delivering food. Creating governmental type systems for them. I would believe that I would be better off if I lived in these worlds.

Deep desires for unusual hobbies of orgainzing over and over again. My poor mom's bookcase has been orgainzed so many times by color, catagory, alphabetized by title, size. Her bookshelf is still organized to this day the way that I left it.

I believed that Pokemon were real at the age of 9 and fully planned to move to Japan to become a pokemon trainer when I turned ten. The day my mother told me they weren't real I didnt believe her and then afterwards had a 7 hour breakdown consistening of crying while continually trying to prove that they were real.

I was always uncomfortable on outings. I wanted to stay home all of the time. I would become distressed at sudden changes to routine, and would beg my mother while crying to just stay home.

In school I would engage in what I suspect is stimming behavior that was self injurous. I would pull my hair out, suck my lips until they bled and painful, I would eat my hair, and bite my nails until they bled. I would chew on my lips until they were raw and swollen. I also chewed my clothing until almost second grade.

I had a strong ability to read beyond my grade level, but I have been diagnosed with dyscalculia.

I was fearful of everything, once I was older. I remember becoming hyperfocused on a zombie survival book and begging my parents to become doomsday preppers and let me practice baracading their windows.

Sensory issues with clothing, those seams in socks, holy fuck, felt like their were stabbing my toes.

Afrid, I ate maybe a variety of 12 different foods and drinks and that lasted until I turned 14. I was terrified of new foods, their smell, their texture. But specifically the smell would be enought to make my stomach hurt.

Abnormal walking. I would walk on my toes, and remember my mom training me for almost two weeks outside to walk flatfooted, and to swing my arms instead of keeping them like sticks at my sides.

My mom took me to the doctor for my "little quirks" as she called them mutliple times, for the doctors to tell her that I was fine and just a little weird. Even despite her worries I stayed unsupported. I had to go to an alternative high-school just to graduate because I was not able to understand everything being spoken during lectures. I was unable to follow along as well as my peers despite being ,"Gifted."

As an adult:

I still have to monitor my voice, face, body language and how people react to me. I find social interaction absolutely exhausting and refuse to do it for more than two social outings in a row, and the following weekends I will be avoiding everyone and everything. I hate wearing clothes at home and will strip as soon as I walk in the door to change into a snuggie. Ive spent thousands of dollars on crafting supplies that I become obsessed with and then no longer use. I can pick up creative skills in an unnaturally fast way just by watching a single youtube video. I have issues with fast burn out in jobs and I cry a lot after work. I study psychology for fun, reading studies on pubmed and learning facts about the brain, especially abnormally psychology. I have been told my voice is "robotic" and that I come off as "sacrastic" by important people in my life such as my bosses at jobs, teachers, and clients. I have issues understanding verbal instructions and prefer to have them wrote down. I flunked out of college when I started to have to take classes in person rather than online because I could not understand what the important parts of the lectures were and the unimportant. I socially camoflauge but I still prefer to be a bystander in social situations. I have never dated casually, and always prefer to be in fully transparent longterm relationships because I struggle to keep up an appearance of a fully functional person for very long before people I want to be close to start assuming that something might be off. I have a routine I follow, and if I deviate from it my emotional state makes a downward spiral. I am able to go to work, day in day out, but I have a terrible temper after work. I developed a smoking habit to soothe myself that I am now in the process of breaking. I still have eating distrider issues regarding eating enough, or a healthy balance of food. I become obsessed with certain foods and dips. I generally feel that I am out of control rather quickly and deal with it by doing a ton of cleaning routines or making big decisions to feel more in control. When I hit meltdown level I close off, cry a lot, I become angry when people try and talk to me. I prefer to not hear anything in these states and prefer heavy pressure like my fiance laying on top of me or to just hold me tightly and pet my hair. I listen to calming music and sing really loudly and probably way too loud rock music for someone with hearing loss. I struggle in interviews, I hate eye contact and will stare passed someone or at a wall instead of looking at others when I have decided that I no longer want to try and blend in. I struggle the most in groups, and usually choose to not speak and only laugh when appropriate.

I still prefer things are probably young for my age. I am 26 and I prefer sanrio, all pink, stickers, squishamellows. I collect rocks and obsess over certain aesthetics for hours. People in my life still believe I am gifted but I dont feel that way. I still feel like ive never been on the same wavelength as other people, I hate that people look for some weird fucking hidden meaning behind my words and look at my tone and face instead of just applying the meanings of words to my words.

I have all of maybe 2 friends that I have maintained, and I still go months sometimes without speaking to them.

I only started considering this as a possibility once my son was born and was diagnosed with autism. I started realizing how much of the things he struggles with are things I also struggled with, but in different ways. I doubt it is even worth getting diagnosed at this age because like, for what ya know?

[esterzach]

I love this interview. To me, this is how a conversation should go. That's how people actually learn and understand more about the person behind the celebrity status, or the scientist, or the politician. Let them talk. I kind of avoided that one, to be honest. Mostly because I expected them to speak of art and cinema, and honestly what do I know about these things? Nothing. I thought that this was the kind of conversation that would fall on deaf ears with me in general.

But I was wrong. I love that there is so much here to unpack if you listen carefully.

I admit I laughed a bit too much at the story of the Oscar nomination and the toy car. But what impressed me was her answer to the question around the end, when they asked her something along the lines of how you deal with people who are hard to work with. You can see her hesitation and almost as if she doesn't want to speak about it, or want to but buying time to formulate her answer without offending someone. And all of a sudden, she remembers a specific situation, where not someone else but she is the one that screwed up. Even though it wasn't intentional, it's the kind of behaviour that makes you think "Hollywood primadonna" or something like that. But the level of self-reflecting here, and the mature way she thinks of it is an example of how a person should think and behave. I imagine some people wouldn't be that graceful or wouldn't find fault in their behavior in a similar case. I've heard enough stories of the pretentious behavior of the big stars, and sometimes it feels like some of those people forget that they don't exist alone and are isolated in the world, that without the hundreds of people around them, their "art" is nothing, because it would not have even the chance to happen or be seen at all. The small remark about how Ben Affleck might have preferred someone else for Gone Girl made me... slightly angry. I understand she probably didn't mean anything wrong at all, but I also assume she had a reason to say something like that or feel something like that. Made me remember why I didn't like him for years, and I have no idea why. Other than the infamous interview with Ben Maher and Sam Harris, which made me think that person is either a complete idiot or so drunk/high, that he completely lost it, I doubt I have other reasons. Still... dunno. A gut feeling, I guess. The point is, that someone made her feel that way, that insecure, that she doubted they wanted her there in the first place. Maybe I am projecting, maybe it's a past experience and a lot of it, but I definitely hate this type of feeling with passion. I love that when she talks about Hostiles, her voice starts to crack almost as if she is about to cry as if she was relieving the story again. I have mixed feelings about this movie. It's an interesting story and at the same time I found myself thinking "OK, that's too much, I got your point, enough." It felt as if the violence was too much, made me wonder how the hell those people survived all this, and what kind of mindset this creates in the next generations, what they carry in their genetic memory. It was so disturbing that at some point I hit pause and wondered if I should finish that. It's a good movie, but it slightly felt a bit too all over the place. I think I understand the idea behind it, and I agree with it, but it makes me think "What's the point of all this?". I guess I don't understand the mindset.

A random thought... while I watched: Probably it's just me, but I have this feeling of dumbing down and simplifying the language in the last I don't know how many years that comes from the media. It feels like someone decided that being educated is some sort of bad thing and somehow succeeded in instilling that idea in people's heads. It's almost as if there is this sense of fear of educated people as if this is a privilege only of the rich, which... is beyond idiotic in my eyes. I came from a place where there was that mantra for generations, it felt as if it's been there forever that knowledge is power, knowledge is a value, and science is the way we should follow. All of a sudden that changed somewhere in the 90s with the increasing influence of one particular culture. That's... opens a whole different conversation. What I mean is this woman's way of speaking makes me feel sane. I don't mean the accent. It's the reasoning. The way she formulates her thoughts. And the calm temp of speaking. I was so tired of listening to people who couldn't stitch a sentence together and mask their lack of knowledge with overly animated mannerisms and dumb laughter. And it was somehow expected of me to admire and clap to that. Laugh along, because it's appropriate! It is accepted, and everyone else does it. No!

[tarotwithdanise]

Who is your secret admirer?

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

Pile one

Your secret admirer is confused by the connection between the two of you; they feel emotionally distant from you as well there are no romantic possibilities between the two of you. They have only a few friends and are mostly lonely. They maybe practicing to be healers or have clairvoyance ability. Perhaps of knowing you for awhile or for a very long time? There's a deep feeling of them that telling you won't lay your eyes on them even a single second. Also, I don't think they will come to you to confess these feelings due to fear of rejection. They prefer to keep it to themselves. Some of you have the impression that this is one of your friends who really admires you, not really romantically, but just a platonically. They probably thinking there's no win for this connection so they decided to won't approach you. For them, you are perfectly fine inside and out and maybe they just want to protect their heart from rejection. They percieve you as vulnerable individual that can break their heart into pieces. You gonna frequently sees them wearing glasses and a very strange smile.

Pile two

Your secret admirer is someone you've met or is gonna meet online; it could be someone you are talking to right now, just in case if you already had one. This is someone who is intelligent and witty; they wanted to make you laugh or see your beautiful smile a lot; they may have seen you cry once and they hated that fact. This person doesn't want to see you cry; they don't want to see you hurt. This person can daydreaming a lot that there's happening between the two of you like watching movies, going out together, shopping together and many more. In their dreams, they imagine the two of you as a couple and they felt happy about it. Thirsty and curiosity about what's going on in your head and what you feels about them, this person is interested in knowing everything about you. If they admit their feelings, there's a chance you could end up together, but I don't see them making the first move, or either of them wanting to risk the chances at all.

Pile three

This person is someone who is very picky about who they gonna crushed with or fall in love with. They rejected or leave behind a lot of their opposite s-x- they can be a heartbreak or a player as well. This person becomes your secret admirer because they see you as someone who is not easy to like or someone who is not ready to give them a chance even though you seems a little different from their desires and type and they feel be challenged. If they are someone whose already have a job, they might change jobs often as they it is even the fact they are hardworking individuals. I do see here that you won't let this person control you it's not only because you felt romantic feelings about them and what else? perhaps you rejected their offer and tried your best to avoid them. It's as if you wanted this kind of person but you don't prefer them as individual. You don't imagine them as your lovers, but they are.

Pile four

You might be attracted to pile one; you can check out the message for that pile. Holy sh-t, your secret admirer is a close friend (take if this resonates); this person is shy and very sensitive. This person really likes you but is afraid to tell you so because they are afraid to lose you or they felt hurt seeing you in a relationship with another person. Why is this person afraid to lose you by their side when they aren't sure about their feelings at all? It's like they are 50/50 about it. Oh, I understand now. They are afraid to lose you because they want to take advantage of you; in short, they want to use you maybe you are so witty and popular so people like you so much than them, just be careful. You won't have any romantic connection with this person because the chances are very low, but if you do, the partnership will be looking very difficult. I advise you to collect all of the information first before making decisions or moving forward for this connection. You don't have to worry or be fooled by this person because the right one is waiting for you. Just give yourself more extra love and take it easy for now.

Pile five

Your secret admirer is someone you have met at an event, like a social family gathering or party. They might be working in the field of the army, especially as soldiers; for some of you, I'm getting into the field of hospitality, tourism, or event planning. Why? I'm getting that this is a twin flame journey, and thus union has the potential to become a long-lasting relationship if they will pursue you. This is someone who feels that seeing you speak or chit-chat with them makes them feel excited and uplifted by your presence, and their eyes speak a lot of adoration. Perhaps you are being put on a pedestal with them; oh my, it's confirmed that this person will pursue their feelings for you; it's like they're going to be an open book with their feelings for you and putting aside their shyness and no longer denying them. Perhaps they are a jealous type of person. They might also be very charming and have a huge circle of friends, or they maybe somewhat be popular.

Pile six

This is someone who you just met recently. This might be still a student, or if not, a colleague, but I'm getting more students, so they might be a classmate or a schoolmate. The possibility of being in a romantic relationship with this person is 50/50, like in between of a yes or no; it's maybe not unless you change your life now away from all the drama. They will like you because you are very beautiful, and this person could fall in love with your looks. Make sure this person also likes you for who you truly are because they did not like you for who you are and they just casually admired your looks.They wanted to deeply touch your soul. You might attend a seminar at a university or joining a club that is associated with health. You might like to leave the past behind and start a new beginning, so if you wanted to do what you loved, this is a sign to do it. You might have the abilities of a psychic and a healer; for the rest of this, you might acquire to meet them on online too, like in Pile II.

© tarotwithdanise ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work in any other social media platforms with or without my explicit permission.

[suna-reversed]

Jujutsu Kaisen hcs- “please don’t leave”

alt. title- needy late night moments

Characters- Yuji, Gojo, Sukuna, Megumi

Tags- angst if you squint but mainly fluff

Yuji- 

- You fell asleep on him while watching a horror movie late night. 

- His one hand clutched the popcorn bowl, the other coming around to cradle your head subconsciously as your body slumped over into his side. 

- His main task for the next hour was to not move a single muscle in fear you’d wake up and go inside the bedroom to sleep.

- He’s just been a little touch starved and liked the warmth you were radiating.

- His task proves to be quite difficult considering he was watching a horror movie with jump-scares every two minutes. 

- It takes 5 failed attempts at Yuji trying not to jolt up whenever something pops up for you to finally stir awake, and you find your eyes meeting with the absolutely terror filled ones of your lover.

- “Please don’t leave” he whispers in a voice that makes your heart break. You end up taking that as him being scared of the movie

- Still in a sleepy daze, you crawl over into his lap, affectionately nosing at his neck while his strong arms come around to hold you tightly, 

- “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here mmkay?” A smile of pure tenderness forms across Yuji’s face, soon enough turning into choking laughter as you sleepily mumble, “I’m ready to throw hands with them dead people”

- “Zombies, babe. They’re zombies.”

- “The only thing they’ll be once I’m done with them is...dead” You slur out that last part, falling back into slumber with a small smile on your face as you feel Yuji shake with silent laughter, his hand coming up to gently pat the back of your head,

- “Thank you baby, I’d throw hands with zombies for you any-day too.”

Gojo Satoru 

- You rolled over in the empty bed for the thousandth time that night. You had learned long before that on most nights you’ll be sleeping without your Satoru.

- So what was different today? Maybe it was the fact that he had informed you of his return. But it had been 2 days since then, and Gojo had never not shown up the same day that he’d told you he was coming back.

- Despite knowing the man you loved was practically undefeatable by most, your mind had considered every single possibility, from him getting captured by a curse to him tripping over and falling into an abandoned sewage line.

- Your stomach churned with anxiety as you considered whether calling Nanami this late to check on Gojo would be a good idea.

- You were halfway into typing his number when you heard the familiar click of the door unlocking, your feet carrying you to the front door faster than your mind could process it.

- And there he was. The bag of sweets he gets you each time in his left hand as he apprehended you with a raised brow and cocky look, 

- “Couldn’t sleep without me sweetheart?”

- He was met with eerie silence as you continued to stare at him. Your sleep deprived mind still processing that he was home. He was safe. 

- Gojo immediately sensed that something was wrong, but before he could react, you were walking towards him, crashing into his arms as he brought his hands around you when-

Thump! 

- Did you just...punch his chest? 

- “I was- I was so scared” you sniffed into his chest. “...you idiot.”

- Gojo’s heart twisted in pain as he heard a sob escape you, his arms tightening around you as he rested his chin on your head. He let you cry it out, gently picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom in midst of you murmuring various swear words at him 

- He finally felt you beginning to calm down as he tucked you in the on your side of the bed. But, as he pulled away, he felt a hand clutch onto his wrist, 

- “Please don’t leave” you said, your voice quivering. 

- “Baby...” he said with a gentle voice, “I’m just going to go change, okay? I’m not going anywhere”

- Even as Gojo changed, he felt your eyes digging into his back like he’d disappear if you let him out of sight for even a moment. 

- He quickly pulled on a pair of sweats, opting to not wear a shirt as he moved into bed with you, your limbs immediately coming to wrap around him. 

- You laid in silence for a while 

- “y/n?” You hummed in acknowledgement, face still buried in his chest

- “I’m always going to come back home to you my love. That’s a promise okay?” 

- You nodded in response, eyes turning glassy once more as Gojo leaned forward to pepper kisses all over your forehead, cheeks, and nose. 

- Gojo lifted his blindfold as he felt your breathing slow down, his ocean eyes filled with utmost adoration as he simply let himself admire your sleeping form. 

Sukuna

- The curse found itself being stuck in its vessel at the most useless of times. - 

- After a late night mission when the brat crashed at your surveillanced apartment, while you completed the formalities and paperwork to submit to Nanami the next morning. 

- Walking out of the guest room, Sukuna found himself amused by your ability to fall asleep in the weirdest of places

- Currently, you sat hunched over the kitchen table, head resting sideways in your arms, tiny snores leaving your mouth as your eyes remained shut. 

- The curse looked back to a few days ago when it had found itself in it’s vessel’s body unwillingly again, a strange warmth curled in his left side. Looking down, he had realised that the strange warmth came from your huddled up body. 

- You had immediately snapped open your eyes and moved away as soon as he had let out a low chuckle. 

- So this time, he approached you carefully. But even then, he had expected you to sense someone’s presence so close next to you. 

- But there was no reaction from you, even as he pulled the chair right next to you and sat down on it.

- “Oi brat”

- Still no response.

- Oh, had you finally let your guard down?

- A dozen different malicious ideas filled Sukuna’s mind, but he found himself simply sitting there, awaiting for a reaction from you. 

- He wondered how you could sleep so comfortably on what was practically a wooden slab. And he found his answer questioned as he curiously leaned down on his own arms, facing you, your noses merely an inch away as he regarded your calm face with a raised brow. 

- He had imagined you to be snarky and biting at him even in your sleep. 

- Why had he imagined you sleeping at all?

- He found himself avoiding the question.

- He stilled as your eyes fluttered open, a cocky smile making it’s way on his lips as he awaited your fear filled eyes. 

- Instead, he found you simply staring back at him, the most of a reaction being you furrowing your brows slightly 

- He didn’t know whether he was a little offended by your lack of response or highly unsettled by your piercing gaze. Nonetheless, he found himself turning his head away, almost in a petty childlike manner. 

- Why did he not get up and leave?

- He felt a hand come to the back of his head, and his senses instantly got ready to go into offensive mode. 

- But this was something much much worse than an attack.

- He found your fingers gently brush over his hair, almost like you were absorbing it’s softness into your fingertips. The breaking point was you gently scratching his head with your nails. He almost purred. 

- But he also found his own hand coming up to grip your wrist, stilling your hand in place.

- “What-are-you-doing?” He emphasised each word as he turned his towards you again, hand still holding yours above his head.

- You continued to stare at him with a look he didn’t quite understand,

- “Your hair is...soft” You slurred your words a little, wiggling your fingers that were trapped in his hand. He let go, only to find you entangling your hand back into his hair, quite shamelessly this time as you closed your eyes once again.

- He didn’t know whether it was the tiredness of that night or simply your sleepiness, but you didn’t acknowledge it the next day. He chose not to either even though he had spent all night thinking of how he’d get to tease you with this.

- But, the king of curses did find himself leaning more towards you whenever you were in his presence. Your hand brushing with his every now and then. Him gently tugging on a strand of hair before tucking it behind your ear and you letting him. Staying right there if he woke up with you on his shoulder while on the train back from a mission. 

- Eventually, you show up to Yuji’s room on a day much similar to the night where you first touched the curse, eyes sunken and shoulders slumped, desperate for any sort of comfort and almost relieved at the fact that he was there. 

- He was taken back as you climbed into the bed, arms wrapping around him, hands going straight to tangle themselves in his hair as you buried your face in his chest.

- “Please don’t leave” 

- He found his own arms pulling you further into him because who was he to deny you when your touch felt so divine? 

Megumi

- Getting a call from Megumi at 2 am after you had just returned from a mission was the last thing you had expected

- Megumi had grown considerably close to you for a boy who didn’t always wear his emotions on his sleeve.

- However, perhaps it was the fact that you had ended up giving him a tiny huge scare by going missing for a few hours on the mission

- It wasn’t anything major, you had gotten injured and accidentally strayed off the path you were ordered to follow

- Nonetheless, the news had reached the school, particularly Megumi, who was halfway out, ready to go and save you from whatever had taken you when the message had come that they had found you unconscious in some corner of the forest. He had only left the infirmary after being assured countless times that you were fine and being pulled away by Yuji.

- Still, he found his mind running and all he wanted was to hear your voice to make sure you were okay.

- He honestly hadn’t expected you to pick up, but he hadn’t known that the nurse had allowed you to go back to your dorm once you woke up.

- So he found himself speechless as he heard your voice

- “...Megumi? Is everything okay?”

- “Yes” he murmured.

- “The nurse told me you were there with me for quite a while…”

- There was a beat of silence before he said,

- “You scared me”

- He immediately hung up after that.

- You knew that it was difficult for him to express such emotions and so you found your feet carrying you to the front of his door

- You weren’t exactly sure of what you were going to do, but you didn’t have to figure that out as the door opened in your face, Megumi gesturing for you to come in.

- As soon as you shut the door, you felt your body being pulled into his warm embrace. You sighed, taking in his familiar scent of night-chilled mist and cedar as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

- You eventually ended up on his bed, limbs tangled with each other under the sheets as he traced random patterns onto your arm to convey the words he couldn’t say, till he fell asleep.

- You found yourself noticing the time, sighing as you got ready to go back to your dorm, but Megumi noticed the slight movement,

- “Angel...” he murmured sleepily, nuzzling his head into your neck, “Please don’t leave.”

- Your heart melted at his words and the consequences of sleeping in another student’s room seemed to fade from your mind as you tightened your grip on him,

- “Never”

[littlefreya]

Henry's reaction to finding out GF's house is haunted.

Summary: Henry’s friend invites him over to watch a horror film on Halloween, problem is he is madly in love with her.

Pairings: Henry Cavill x Unamed OFC (3rd person, no description)

Warnings: RPF, fluff, romantic goo, friends to lovers or rather idiots to lovers, brief mentions of alcohol and Henry’s green hoodie p0rn.  

Words: 1.6K

A/N: So I had to take it to the “friends to lovers” lane, also I will need all the fluff after what I am about to post tomorrow :|! Divider by @firefly-graphics. Beta’d by my beautiful @agniavateira​ . Also FYI my house is totally haunted.

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed. 

Haunted Houses

All Hallow's Eve was Henry’s favourite time of the year. The spicy autumn air was thickly shrouded by magic. Spooky tales and plastic spiders inhabited drapes of thin cotton tendrils and fat pumpkins carved with scary faces would sit on his doorstep to welcome him home or bid him farewell on his way out. 

Per tradition, he would rally close friends at midnight for a horror flick and pineapple-anchovy pizza; often a bottle of rum would be added to the party. However, this Halloween fell on a bittersweet period, as his friends grew too old for said spooky gatherings. Starting new families of their own, they had no time to indulge him.

All save for her, who just like him was still somehow single. 

How bad would it be to spend the evening just the two of them... alone? Ignoring the fact that it was enough to see her name flicker on the screen of his phone for pure warmth to enkindle in his chest. He thought about her often before he fell asleep and when he woke up; and by often, he meant every single day since he met her.

Though she didn’t think much of him as anything other than a friend she loved to banter with - he presumed. And of course she loved Kal, possibly more than she cared for him. Yet, Henry did what he did best: bury his emotions into a little pit he dug in the graveyard of his mind. 

"Heh!” Henry croaked as the door opened. His sapphires ensnared the veils of black that cloaked her, preserving the sight of silk laces tied tightly at her torso in what seemed like a gothic medieval gown. 

“I see you took off your costume for the evening." 

She narrowed her eyes but only to observe his attire carefully: that same green hoodie and a pair of worn jeans that complimented his… asset. 

She wanted to etch her fingers around the thick fabric and have a whiff of this hoodie, or perhaps just steal it and wear it forever and a day.

"First of all, it is called The Witching Hour so I must dress properly. Secondly - where is your costume, Cavill?" she crossed her arms together, looking rather displeased. 

“I’m dressed as a homicidal maniac, we look like everybody else does.” 

Snorting, she tilted her head, unimpressed. “You totally just stole this joke from Wednesday Addams.” 

Henry shrugged and pressed his lips to a thin line. One of his foolish expressive gestures. It made her feel less nervous to which she was thankful. When she suggested they’d hang out despite them being the only two, she didn’t think much of the consequences of being all alone with the man who inhabited her mind and never paid rent. Everything about Henry made her feverish, but it was always easy when others accompanied them. The awkward anxiety of having to entertain him wasn’t her job, not up till now… 

Oh, god! What if they had nothing to talk about? What if their playful chemistry was always influenced by the presence of other people?

Beads of sweat began to form below her breasts when Henry shoved a bottle of rum into her hand and then leaned in to steal a casual kiss from her cheek. She smiled with a friendly huff in return, stifling the shiver that coursed through her muscles while he welcomed himself into her home. 

Striding forward, he peered at the Halloween decorations she hung across the walls and inhaled deeply - the scent of maple and buttery chestnuts filled the cosy little house, a scent that he could easily get intoxicated with. 

It was what she smelled like and here he was, drowning in its excess.

After a quick observation, he turned to look at her, holding his hands clasped behind his back. She smiled awkwardly in return and then averted her gaze, becoming fascinated by the bottle he brought.

‘There it is,’ Henry mused, ‘that embarrassing silence, there is so much to tell her, but she probably… no! She definitely finds me boring.’

This Halloween celebration would probably be the last and it was all sorts of disastrous. 

Trying to overcome the silence, he cleared his throat and reached a hand to scratch his curly mane. “So what movie are we watching?”

“Movie?” she asked confused and then quickly corrected, “Oh yes, umm... The Exorcist.” 

“Good, love me some green vomit.” his eyes followed carefully as she waltzed into the small open kitchen, placing the rum on the counter and then returning with a large bowl that made his nostrils flare.

“Green vomit goes extremely well with caramelised popcorn,” she suggested and popped a golden flake of popcorn into her mouth. 

“Sweet-salty popcorn? I love you!” Henry groaned and snatched the bowl right away. It was only when his mouth was stuffed that he realised what words he just used. 

But she didn’t seem to react, thankfully. Instead, she brushed a hand over her many skirts and pointed toward the living room.

Hugging the bowl, Henry strode behind her, entering the dimly lit living room. The traditional pizza was already laid on the wooden coffee table, along with a few bottles of Guinness. 

Her couch was small, only fit for a couple. And Henry, being a hulking man, took most of the space. Their thighs immediately ground into one another’s, yet they both pretended as if they hadn't noticed the hot tingle running beneath the layers of clothing. 

“I have to warn you about something,” she uttered, hoping that the tremor she suddenly felt in her body was not visible to him. 

Henry crooked his eyebrow, looking at the ominous glare she offered.

“My house is totally haunted.”  

Not waiting for his answer, she grabbed the remote and pressed play. Henry chuckled at her silly joke, waiting for her to break character but she only peered at the screen.

“Nice try, I am not scared of that stuff.” He shifted in his seat slightly, lifting his lengthy arm and spreading it on the headrest right behind her. Immediately, he regretted this semi-possessive masculine gesture, but it was too late to pull it away. 

Her instincts screamed to snuggle into him yet she held back. “Don’t believe me, but I am not making this up,” she insisted, “Every night around 3 am, I hear scratching from within the walls and these thuds from the ceiling, and then one night… I woke up the door creaking.”

Henry glanced at her quietly for a long moment, watching the reflection from the screen gyrating over her glossy irises and then snorted. He leaned toward the coffee table and grabbed two beers, uncorking them with the help of his pinky ring and then offering her one of the bottles. 

“I think you have rats.”

“Rats who make heavy thuds and open bedroom doors?”

“Yup, a big fat randy rat.” he teased. “We’ll take a look at your bedroom later, but I promise you, there are no such things as ghosts.”

‘We’ll take a look in your bedroom? Great…’ He berated himself. At this point, he just wanted to sigh and shake his head. 

She peered at him oddly, her throat clenching a tad before she turned her head back to the movie with a mumble, “It’s not a ghost, it’s a demon.” 

Within a few minutes they grew quiet, deciding to focus on the movie with the occasional dry jokes and bad puns from Henry as an attempt to overcome his anxiety. Outside the window, thunder rumbled in the distance and shy raindrops lightly kissed the glass, tinted with the many vague shades of lights coming from the street. 

Now and then, Henry shifted in his seat, his meaty thigh further grinding into her leg which stirred her blood to the point of electric spasms. She lightly pushed against him, pretending it’s by accident when truthfully, she wanted to exploit every second of being in his proximity. Had she any guts, she would turn to kiss him, but the thought alone made her heart clench in fear.

She threw him a glance, and their eyes met. Henry offered a kind grin, avoiding staring at her lips. She smiled back coyly, her heartbeat accelerating with anticipation when the possessed girl in the movie made a horrifying groan that ruined the moment. 

And then the room suddenly was swallowed in darkness, followed by a strong clap of thunder that tore open the sky.  

In the scant moment of chaos, he heard a scream and then the light came back as if nothing happened, aside from the fact that she was now in his arms, with her legs straddling his waist, and her fingers clutching the collar of his hoodie. 

Henry was unsure how and when his hand found itself latched to the small of her back, only that he didn’t want to let go. They exchanged bemused glances and swallowed the dryness parching their throats.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, “I got scared…”

Embarrassed to the point of tears, she attempted to climb off, wanting nothing more than to run to the bathroom and cry in hiding, when Henry sent a hand to stroke her temple and gently brushed his fingers behind her ear.

“Stay,” he insisted, squeezing into her lower back as if to prevent her from escaping. 

Her lips parted slowly, the same golden hue that suffused the living room split into her eyes, beaming even brighter as he continued to caress her face before bringing her closer to graze her lips with his.

Halloween was, without a doubt, his favourite. 

Tagging: @the-soot-sprite​ @henrythickcavill​ because they asked to be tagged in these. <3 

[strangertheory]

Relationships are hard enough as it is, but the pressure the world puts on you to be a certain way, act a certain way, love a certain way... is so destructive.

The destruction that our own fears can create is so real. So hard to deal with. The guilt. The wondering if you're doing the right or wrong thing by lying to yourself and everyone you know in order to spare them pain because you're convinced that's for the best. You're convinced that your quiet pain is worth it, if you can spare the people that you love disappointment. If you can avoid that fight, you think it's better to hide. If you can avoid making them cry, you think it's better to be in the closet and hide who you are.

Everyone always thinks of the struggles faced by the queer community as being Them vs. The Mean Bullies, or as Them vs the parents that will either fully accept them or fully reject them and kick them out of the house. And sure, that's some of it. Those risks exist. But there's nothing harder than when there are people in your life that you love who have been nothing but kind to you your entire life but that you can't be sure would embrace you as who you are once you give voice to it. That is far harder to face than any known bully. The bullies were always there, and you knew that you were better off without them and that you deserved better. But your mom who read you bedtime stories every night when you were a baby? Your brother who cheered for you at all your sports games and got you milkshakes after every match? That girlfriend who is having such a hard year and is struggling to be happy and that you feel deserves every happiness in the world?

It's agonizingly hard to face the fear of disappointing and losing the unconditional love and community of the people who have been kind to you for your entire life.

And it's most especially hard to face the thought of hurting those you love.

And that is really hard to capture in a way that feels real to me. For whatever reason, many movies with the cliché "oh no what will my parents think!?" set up had become very superficial to me emotionally because it always plays out like a bad script. The parents are always cookie cutter clichés, and we're not set up to be invested in why the kid doesn't want to disappoint them beyond "well they're mom and dad." But seeing the details of a character's relationship with loved ones, seeing the struggle that those they love are truly going through in their own lives: it makes things actually feel real.

I don't talk about being queer with my mom and dad anymore. I avoid the topic. I'm out. I told them a first time, and then many times after that I'm not straight. That I've fallen in love with women before. That this is part of who I am. That it's an important part of my life.

But the pain that I see flash across my mom's face and the anxiety and the tears that it causes every single time I remind my mom that I'm not straight isn't only painful to me because I feel hurt that she doesn't understand and accept me. It hurts because I see her dealing with so much in her own life that is hard. It hurts because she was in an accident recently and will be recovering for months. It hurts because my dad snapped at her unfairly the other day over lunch. It hurts because she's been really depressed lately. It hurts because even though her inability to accept this part of me hurts my feelings, and even though it's unfair that she doesn't understand: I also want her to be happy. I'm not sitting here with my middle finger in the air at this homophobic parent that Doesn't Get It. Honestly, deep down... my pain isn't as important as hers because I love her and in many ways have already forgiven her for her ignorance and inability to relate and understand why this is so important to me. It's agonizing that any time the topic is approached, no matter how carefully I try, it causes her so much pain. And I hate that we live in a world that has taught my sweet-hearted mom to be so disgusted and horrified by the idea of queer love. This world is poisoned.

The struggle to be who you are in an ignorant world is not as simple as not wanting the world to hurt you. It's so often about being terrified that your very existence and your feelings, or lack of feelings, will hurt other people. And that's agonizingly unfair. I hope for a world that someday is less poisoned by the ignorance and fear that holds such a suffocating grip on our society.

And I just wanted to share that after watching Stranger Things Part 1.

This isn't easy. None of this is easy. And it might never be easy, not even after you "come out." And that's the hard truth of all of it. In reality, many of us are all "coming out" over, and over, and over again. And most of us are still closeted sometimes in different scenarios. The question of "should I say something and be vulnerable and share my thoughts and share who I am?" will never be finished even after you're out, either. That never stops. It's often a life-long, endless experience.

And it's hard.

It is so hard.

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Headcanon: Loki's sweet tooth.

Trigger Warnings: low self esteem, disordered eating behaviors. ANGST.

Happy ending, with fluff.

Pairing: Loki x gender neutral reader

Disclaimer: gif not mine.

Loki has never been one to finish his meals. Always left something, never been too interested in savory foods.

Not that he didn't like them. He just didn't pay much interest to it.

When you started dating you saw this behaviour in him and when you asked why he didn't eat it all, he answered it was just some royalty thing.

"It was a prince manner thing, to eat slowly and tiny. My mother taught me. But Thor and Odin finished too soon, they ate like animals, and when the King finishes, you have to stop eating too".

You nodded but explained that he was now in Midgard, and he was free to eat all he wanted.

But it was already too deep on him. To not finish the plate.

So you started making him a bit bigger plates, so at least he wouldn't be hungry by leaving some.

But you saw his disinterest. He just really didn't care about food. Or at least convinced himself he didn't.

Sometimes he'd observe a really delicious sweet you'd be eating with such lust... but when you offered him he'd always answer the same.

"I don't like sweets, thanks".

You've never seen him eating sweets, he said it was bad for the teeth and the stomach, and he didn't really like it.

Now, movie night. You were both cuddling on the couch, he ran his long fingers through your hair, he caressed an eyebrow with his thumb, the day was cold outside yet his body warmth kept you in a perfect temperature.

You were watching Harry Potter, because he's never seen it and you couldn't believe he lived a thousand years without relating a lightning to something else than his brother.

And after almost an hour you remembered "I bought some chocolate to watch the movie with". He laughed slightly as you went to look for it.

You came back with a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolate. The golden and shiny box caught his attention like a puppy.

"You and your sweet tooth" he said, smiling and getting back to the movie.

"I bought it for you too, I think you'll like it".

He smiled and told you he didn't like sweets, as he usually said. But you just didn't believe him. He was actively avoiding it.

You could see that typical sparkle in the eyes a child has when is showed the most expensive toy. A sparkle of "I really can't have this but I want it with my heart and soul".

You knew exactly what happened there. He was avoiding satisfaction. He probably liked sweets, but he wanted to feel like he could control that.

He wanted to feel like he could control it, and he probably thought he didn't deserve it.

And that sucked three thousand.

Because he totally deserved it. He deserved to enjoy enjoyable things. He deserved to eat mindlessly some chocolate with his partner in a movie night.

So you teased him into trying it. Playfully, without being too invasive.

"Mmh, it smells awesome".

"Oh, I adore this".

"This is the best chocolate I've ever eaten".

He knew what you were doing and joked back.

"Stop making love to the food, my dearest".

"Come do it yourself, then".

You both laughed as he threw himself on top of you and started tickling your tummy and neck, until you were unable to breathe.

After all the tickling, he rested his head on your stomach and you caressed his hair. He sank his nose in your soft belly and kissed all the way up to your chin.

He stopped there and looked at you with the unconditional love he always looked at you. You looked at him back, a little bit worried.

"You seem concerned".

"I am, a bit, yeah".

"Wanna talk it out?", he asked, without a single clue of what was bothering you.

He was unaware that you knew what he did with.

"It's about you. I understand you might not want to talk about it, but I'd like to give it a try, okay?", you started carefully.

"Yes, my love. Talk away".

You sat on the couch again and handed him a piece of chocolate. He forced a smile and glanced at you with wonder in his eyes.

"What?".

"What goes through your mind right now?", you said, still holding the chocolate towards him.

"What's this about, darling?". He still was asking you sweetly, but you knew it was bothering him just the mention of it.

"I... I don't think you don't like chocolate".

"If I liked it, I'd eat it. Otherwise, what would be the point of avoiding it?" He excused himself. A terrible liar, who'd say?

"Exactly. What would be the point, indeed", you said with a soft look.

He glanced down and didn't look at you for a while. You kept talking.

"It doesn't make you weak, you know?"

He glanced up and met your gaze with the fear of a child who's been caught misbehaving.

"How...?" He stuttered. You grabbed both his hands and kept talking.

"It doesn't make you unworthy. It doesn't make you lame, or silly, or lazy. It doesn't make you bad. It won't bring you the problems you think it will".

His eyes were glassy and he kept swallowing, trying to hold back the lump in his throat.

"I feel like it does", he said, with the tiniest voice he's ever spoken.

"But it really doesn't".

"I don't think I deserve it. I know it sounds like madness. And I never thought anyone else is unworthy of eating a piece of chocolate. I don't know what goes through my mind, and I'm not sure what my mind process is".

He was speaking truly from the heart. He was opening up to you in a way he's never opened up to anybody else before.

He was holding back tears. It really affected him.

Now you had to hold back your tears.

After he was done speaking, you hugged him tightly and put his head on your chest. You knew that if he wanted to cry, he'd want to hide his face.

As soon as his face rested on you chest, wrapped up in your arms, he started tearing up a little.

You kissed his tears and he smiled with red and swollen eyes.

"I don't deserve..." he started saying, but you didn't even let him finish.

"You do deserve it. Because..." you whispered, and made direct eye contact to say it "...you deserve the world. Do you hear me? The nine realms and all the worlds in the galaxy".

You knew deep down he didn't believe you. But he nodded and accepted it.

You also knew that if you repeated it over and over for the rest of your long lives, he'll end up believing it.

So you did.