#i also do that with my chain but then I am in love with paul and andrew

[allthishumanityforfree]

Andrew playing with his chain (time stamp 0:13 -0:15)

https://x.com/thisisheart/status/1752070611076001974

Paul at birthday party

https://www.tumblr.com/experienceandobservation/741304705793327104

They say people in love start mirroring each other...

They mirrored each other a lot in interviews and on the red carpet. Their whole body language was tailored around the other, so in each other's orbit. That is why I am here, months deep into whatever this is.

You do mirror someone who you feel comfortable with; it's not just a love thing. Before people come for me

Love him moaning about the attention Connell's chain gets but continuing to wear one. Also, Andrew playing with his own chain while Paul talks about his.

[thedansemacabres]

On Helpol tumblr there has been some discourse on the worship of Ares and it is completely justified for a personal practice why someone would not honour him. However, though, I would enjoy to bring up points from history on a reconstruction angle on why to worship Ares. I appreciate the critical examination into who and what we worship—we should be more critical of stately portrayals of the divine and understand ancient politics less we reconstruct something wretched. These points are sourced from Cults and sanctuaries of Ares and Enyalios: A survey of the literary, epigraphic, and archaeological evidence by Matthew Paul Gonzales.

It is deeply historically attested, for anyone thinking that it was not. The anti-Ares classical sentiment can be traced back to WWII for reasons that do not need explaining. The emphasis on his pathetic myths also partially stem from this.

Ares was and is deeply concerned with justice and Dike is described as his lead. He is shown as the blood vengeance in particular, which still does have modern importance—many of us endorse the guillotine. This could inspire modern worshippers to take to action for causes to support good, justice, and love in their communities. Love and war, mayhaps?

He is also connected to peace and restraining violence alongside war-like desires. This is depicted in the homeric hymnal.

Ares is also close to defending land, especially that of floral and agricultural bounty: he is often positioned with fertility goddesses, such as Aphrodite, Despoina, and Cybele.

He is a vengeful protector, when people are wronged or land is stolen and waged against. Athens used this for defending their land—chaining Ares to the land meanings bringing in his power to serve you and your land’s interests. I do not endorse the usage of this to support oppressive regimes, but it could be adapted in a more liberation focused fashion.

Through Ares, some facets of prosperity is given, and I do not take it as a coincidence he is paired with Athena, who directs while Ares rushes.

Worship is also used to avoid conditions; Apollon to keep the plague away, Ares to keep war and strife away, such as his homeric hymn entails.

Courage is also stated to be a condition he gifts.

Lastly, I find it of vast importance to establish modern ideas of gods that are honest to the historical record and finds fluidity in them. Gods can change and they can be discussed with. Perhaps this is my Roman pagan influences, but we can influence and argue with the gods on points we believe in—for justice and ultimate good, as Zeus does mandate divine justice. We can show Ares, more than he already knows and has, the importance of supporting the revolutionary, and we can invoke his power in fighting for the sovereignty of nature. I am also personally fond of the feminist interpretations of him, and while not likely accurate to history, we should be adapting and developing with the gods in the modern period. Ares as a symbol of violently defending women against patriarchy is ripe for expression and movement, though not without due issues.

We should be striving towards ultimate good and Ares’ power in the modern era, with a modern lens, can continue to give weight to this pursuit. If he can encourage us and take a stand against the machismo ideas of “spartan” ideals that dudebros often have, we can make beneficial cultural changes. The gods do not just belong to history, they are history, and Historia is here to inspire and defeat us at every turn. 

I will say my dea Bellona is more of the historical revolution divinity that people want. She has a lot more of the epigraphic record to support this, but nonetheless, there are many reasons to honour Ares outside of war. Especially in his connections to nature and fertility, which strikes my heart happily as a sustainable agriculturalist. If it is Ares that can motivate more Hellenic pagans to embrace liberation and revolutionary ideas, that is something to preserve.

And regardless, if I can worship Ker without expecting much benefit, we can easily worship a god that is not literal murder. 

[ghastlyfilters]

random lost boys headcanons that i constantly think about!!

pairing(s): none!

warning(s): mentions of weed, religion, paul being a dirty little shit when it comes down to magazines

(here’s some random headcanons no one asked for but i literally think about these all the time and can’t get them out of my head. and yes, i know some bands and music artists mentioned in this were in their prime after the lost boys was set. but fuck it there’s no need to put dates on things when it’s all just for the sake of fictional writing. ALSO BONUS POINTS TO ANYONE WHO GETS THE OG BRANDON ROGERS REFERENCE IN THIS)

gifs not mine!! (if you know the original owner please tag them!!)

DAVID

• This man smokes like ten packs of cigarettes per day.

Think of a mukbang video but instead it’s just David smoking a shit ton of cigarettes packs.

Max has came to the conclusion that if David were not a vampire, he would in fact be a cancer patient.

• Him bullying someone is just his poor attempts at flirting.

• Makes multiple attempts at destroying Christmas decorations in every store he goes to during winter. When an employee looks in his direction upon hearing the crashing sound of tree baubles, he stares at them with that icy glare, looking personally offended that the employee is giving him the “Did you just do that..” look.

He’s a dumb shit that couldn’t care less what anyone else sees him doing. The employee could literally catch him smacking a glittery bauble off their mini Christmas tree with the back of his hand and he’ll glance over at them, blinking repeatedly.

“It was an accident.”

He’ll even turn to his mind control, allowing the employee to believe it was either Paul or Marko. It usually ends up being Marko, and he’s standing there biting the cuff of his jacket whilst getting the shittiest lecture from the store manager. Turns out poor Marko actually loves the place’s Christmas decorations.. despite being a bloodsucker that should resent anything to do with Christ. He just likes sparkly things.. ☹️

• David is so blunt to anyone who calls him self centred. He ain’t phased in the slightest bit by it. Marko’s said it on multiple occasions after an argument broke out between them all in the cave, and everyone was throwing digs. But the boys know David’s the most brutally honest being they’ve ever encountered.

“Who else am I supposed to be centred on?”

• He’s always dreamed of owning a black cat named Salem, but he knows the cat either won’t take to him being a vampire or the boys might accidentally forget it’s around and do something stupid.

(He really just wants one to sit on his lap whilst he’s in his wheelchair acting like Don fucking Corleone)

• Went through an identity crisis and forced himself to try and look like Billy Idol for a week. (That week turned into years)

• Dwayne’s still trying to convince him that bleaching his hair was a bad decision after a clump of it FELL OUT.

• If there’s ever a child crying on the boardwalk, David’s usually the reason they’re crying.

PAUL

• Is always the “C’mon everybody!!” person at the function. Yet when he runs off excitedly, no one follows.

• Never knows what to do in a chaotic situation because he’s that used to BEING the chaos.

• Cannot sit still for shit. He has to be fiddling with something or bouncing around the place like the madman he is.

• Paul’s a ride or die Mötley Crüe fan. He’s even lured some chicks on the boardwalk by playing Mötley on his boombox for them, feeding afterwards of course. (He’s the sneakiest little shit you’ll ever meet)

If he ever met a girl whom he fell for and eventually turned, his ideal date idea would be going on his motorcycle in the moonlit night and blasting “Kickstart My Heart” with his new partner riding along with him. He’s dreamt of it for years.

(Marko’s bound to third wheel though duh)

• He’s also got a thing for Alice In Chains, and he’s spent many drunk nights screaming the lyrics to “Bleed The Freak” outside the cave whilst meanwhile inside the boys sit in silence and are forced to listen to him.

• Paul barely sees girls with lip piercings but when he does holy fuck.

Just any kind of person who can pull off facial piercings is magical to him. Whether it be a few or a lot, he’s mesmerised by whatever kind of metal is in your face.

• Says “Pspsps..” to every kitty he sees on the boardwalk then screams the biggest “FUCK YOU!” if he witnesses the cat either pad over to someone else or look at him and run away.

• He’s always got a fucking rootbeer in his hand when he’s in the cave with the boys. Aside from blood, him and Marko live off of rootbeer. Ice. Cold. Rootbeer.

• Cherry Pie by Warrant is this man’s national anthem.

• Continuously has to find new weed dealers because if he has a bad argument with one of the boys, they’ll purposely hunt down his current dealer and drain every drop of blood from their body. This causes Paul to go apeshit because when he’s not out looking for prey or pissing people off on the boardwalk, you can bet his ass is in the cave stoned.

• On the topic of his severe weed habit, he’s not much of an edibles guy. He’d rather be sat on his ass smoking the fattest joint of his immortal existence and enjoying every minute of it. He’s occasionally gotten edibles for Marko, but Marko and gummies do not mix after the Frog Brothers started creeping around again.

• Has the biggest Playboy magazine stash that he hides underneath a pile of old denim and leather jackets in the cave. No one apart from Marko knows about them. Plus they’ve always been for.. special.. occasions..

Marko can’t help himself though and starts singing “In The Heat Of The Night” by Sandra when anyone innocently mentions magazines around Paul. This causes Paul to send his boot into Marko’s stomach whenever the boys are all assing around on the bridge, and he’s the first to fall.

“….. I’m telling David about your WET DREAMSSSSS.” Marko usually screams before disappearing into the fog below.

• Him and Marko don’t celebrate holidays unless it’s Halloween or Easter. They don’t give a fuck about the religious part when it comes down to Easter though. And if they wanted to, they couldn’t. They’re just there for the chocolate. They miss the taste of it. Paul will literally start fighting children during an Easter egg hunt on the boardwalk so he can get more for himself and Laddie.

(God help the children who push Laddie out of the way)

MARKO

• Goes into Claire’s Accessories and proceeds to tell the child who’s about to get their ears pierced how bad it should hurt.

(Also steals drip for himself because hello yes he does indeed fw a Sanrio earring set)

• He’s always the one who’ll make the most guttural moaning sounds if you’re on the phone to someone.

• Him and Paul are always found in the naughty section of Max’s video store.

• Whenever a fight breaks out on the boardwalk (that isn’t started by David or Paul for once) he doesn’t know what the fuck to do so he just starts screaming.

• Whenever one of the boys is hurt or sick (yes vampires get sick), Marko’s always the one who tends to them. He’s a massive over-thinker. David came down with something one time, and it was bad. Real bad. It was extremely rare, but it hit David like a freight train. Marko thought he walked in and found him in a state where he’d never wake up, so Max and the boys were left to deal with him bawling for the rest of the evening. Even David was confused when he awoke from his slumber.

• He has a bat plushie named Boris that Paul stole for him years ago. He gets caught chewing on the wings a lot but all in all he loves his Boris.

• Paul once traveled to LA and took him to one of those haunted house events for Halloween. They got kicked out and almost left their motorcycles because Marko starting punching multiple actors. It ended up in this big ass arguement because Paul swore for a moment he saw a glimpse of Marko’s fangs in the light and his eyes momentarily changed.

• The pigeons that flap around in the cave are like his pets. He’s down for just chilling with them and petting them if they let him.

Marko lowkey loves animals.

• He likes embracing his golden, curly locks. Aside from his fashion sense, he thinks his curls are really what gives him his image. He isn’t vain, but he does truly adore his little curls.

• Marko has such a soft spot for trad goths and their way of dressing. Whenever he sees one on the boardwalk, (which he hopes he will), he’s always fascinated by whatever outfit they have on. If they walk past him and the boys, he offers a shy smile. He wishes he could go start a conversation with them, but he thinks it’d be pretty dumb considering what his.. needs are. He doesn’t wanna kill people he thinks are cool.

DWAYNE

• Has the og resting bitch face.

• He wishes he could just stay silent and wonders why it’s not enough to just show up somewhere and have giant eyes.

• Dwayne used to get so many random people come up to him on the boardwalk and tell him how good he’d suit a black or brown eyeliner.

Since that day Dwayne has never forgotten those people and he always wears eyeliner inside and outside the cave.

• Major black coffee addict despite not even needing it.

• Whenever the likes of Paul and Marko actually try to engage in activities whilst on the boardwalk, some female will waltz up to Dwayne. Their approach and characteristics through their energy will allow him to of course decide what his next move is, but if it’s some yappy person who clearly has a horrible energy, Dwayne can be just as blunt as David is.

“How can I get to know you?”

…

“I don’t want to be known.”

And then he’ll walk away.

• This man is dedicated to leopard print. DEDICATED. In his mind him and the boys are living in some lavish mansion in 70s LA with leopard print plush sofas, leopard print pillows, leopard print bed sheets, literally everything leopard print.

If he had free rein to design the places he wanted to, he’d be ecstatic. (Literally all he wants is to turn Max’s house into a leopard print and cherry red museum.)

• When Dwayne actually smiles around people, it’s the sort of smile that can heal a thousand wounds. Like him coming out of his shell is the sweetest thing to witness.

• If the boys are off irritating the fuck out of people on the boardwalk instead of trying to find a good feed, Dwayne will occasionally sneak away and visit any sort of music store he can find. He could sit and yap to the people in there for days, and that’s really where he feels the most comfy around strangers. He loves talking to others about bands and artists like Judas Priest, Type O Negative, Rob Zombie, Pantera, Sisters of Mercy, Monster Magnet and Rammstein.

• The film The Crow ended up having a really special place in Dwayne’s heart. He loves playing little bits and pieces on his guitar for Laddie from Graeme Revell’s music from the soundtrack.

HII! if you have any lost boys requests send them in!! as you can tell, i really enjoy writing for all of them!! (i’ll write for honestly any lost boys character atp) <33

[woodswallow]

RammWear

As I once stated in this post, I feel close to my favourite Rammstein members Richard, Paul and Schneider when I wear clothes that are inspired by their (stage) outfits. I love wearing my R+-merch of course, but for me this is a more subtle and everyday-method to have a bit of them with me :)

So, over the past 3 years, I was inspired by their style, bought clothes (sometimes secondhand) that resembled theirs and tried to mimic their style. Of course not every part – I only wanted stuff that I really liked, not for the sake of imitating them. I wanted clothes that are also MY style, but are inspired by theirs.

So lovely @vulnerant-omnes gave me the idea to do a little RammWear fashion-show, where I am showing my „ot3 <3“-style. Here's a first part of it:

First: My Richard-stage belt :D Daaamn, I LOVE it so, sooo much and I'm so proud of me that I found something, that resembles his stage-belts so nicely, but having also a bit more of a alternative/boho-style to it. It's real leather and is purely decorative, so not a real „belt“ - but it does accentuate the butt quite nicely – just like Richards ;D

Here's a reference picture, in case someone doesn't know what I'm talking about:

Second: My hommage to the Paul Landers stage outfit!

My god, I love his stage outfit so damn much! It fits him so well and in my opinion is very flattering to his body. I love all the pouches and the decorations, it has a very unique „industrial-/end of the world-style“, like from another planet. I searched for ages to find something that resembled this outfit and especially the pants. I found the original designer (Demobaza – damn cool, incredibly expensive!) and also a copy of that, which was „only“ half the price, so still damn expensive...and it didn't fit right, I was so sad... but I took some pictures anyway. So these are the copied stage pants, I send them back because they were too tight on my stomach:

But then I found a very nice second hand biker jacket in sweatshirt style. When I wear it with my favourite grey jeans, it gives me some Paul-Landers-stage-outfit-vibes...what do you think? It's definitely not a copy, far from that. But I'd say it's a low budget hommage, very my style and definitely made for everyday wear – which was very important for me. I don't want to buy stuff which looks great but I never wear. My mum complimented me on that jacket and I really love it :D

Third: My Schneider-necklace and Richard-ring!

Schneider has worn this necklace for years now. I saw it on him during concerts, photo shoots and even on private pictures. It must mean something to him. And I personally am a big fan of jewellery that is with you everyday, that you never take off. Like it's belonging to you. I have the feeling it's like that with Schneider and this necklace. I did some research about the type of necklace, it seems to be an anchor chain. Mine is made of titanium, very lightweight. I love the grey, not shiny colour and how it's unisex looking, not too feminine but also not too massive or "manly".

In the picture is also my Richard-ring. You probably/maybe know this very early VIVA-interview from 1995:

There the cameraperson has a really weird way of filming, and once he/she zooms on Richards hand. I noticed that ring and liked it very much, I think it suits Richard very well. Unfortunately I've never seen it on him again. But still, he wore it at that time. I found a similar one, it has some ornaments that his doesn't have, but I really love that ring – have worn it for almost 2,5 years straight now, everyday and I feel naked without it.

Please let me know if you're interested in seeing more like this (a „like“ on this post counts for me ;). I have some more R+-inspired pieces and could make another one or two posts :) !

[starlightsuffered]

Prey

Info - dom fem, cnc, dub con, a little knife play, kidnapping, hunting a human, blood licking, possessive dom, hard dom, pet play, pegging (rough), making someone addicted to you, leash and chains, stepping on someone’s crotch, some sweetness, sub male, mistress kink, prey sub

“Let me go!” Spat Duke Paul Atreides at my throne. I giggled almost sadistically. He’d been kidnapped days ago and he still had just as much anger and fight in him. He had to realise that he was no longer on Arakis. He was no Duke here.

The power of the voice did not work on me. My elite species had long ago mastered a way to become immune the Bene Gesserits powers.

“You really think you could just take over the world and only one group would oppose you? Little do you know we have been plotting for centuries as well. You have been worried about the Lions Duke, but also beware the sneaking, slithering viper.”

“Fancy speeches are for mindless masses,” Paul snarled.

“Really? I hear your voice holds quite the power,” I purred.

“Let me go!” Paul tried to use his powers once again. Nothing happened at all.

“Nice try,” I said in a sing song tone. Paul was glaring at me with emerald shards. I waved to my guards. They clamped the metal collar around Paul’s neck. I was handed the chain.

I began to pull with a grin. Paul was yanked forward. He was pulled towards me. I loved the way he crawled. He was utterly under my control. Finally, he was where I needed him to be; kneeling before me.

“Beg to be let go,” I whispered. “Say I am the true superior in this universe.”

“Never,” Paul snarled.

“Oh little puppy,” I simpered. I put my finger under his chin to lift his gaze to me.

“Mmmm.”

Both our eyes widened at the sound seemed to echo through the room. I think only Paul and I had actually heard it but it had been deafening to us. Paul had whimpered.

“Oh precious boy,” I cooed now. He looked scared, but I’d wager he was scared of how he would react and not the things I was doing.

“Does everyone expect you to be a big strong leader? All those people follow you around like you’re a God; you don’t want to be a God do you? No, you like this power being stolen from you. You like to follow. Isn’t that tight little one.”

“Mistress,” he gulped. It was the first time he’d called me by what my subjects did. Up until now it had all been “scum”, “dirt”, or “worm”. I was breaking him.

“Kiss my boot,” I whispered in his ear.

“N-No,” his voice trembled.

“Oh Paul,” I tutted. I let my tongue slither out. I licked a slow stripe from his chin to his ear. He let out a shaky breath.

“Come on, don’t you want to worship me instead?” I asked him.

“I-I, I have a duty,” he gritted out.

“Can’t even leaders have little pleasures?” I asked as I stood up. I placed my booted foot over his crotch and pressed down.

His eyes inadvertently rolled back into his head. He let out a low groan. I felt his cock grow hard and throb.

“That’s it, submit to me,” I coaxed.

“N-no, I c-can’t,” He said, easing his head proudly. He tried to sit up straighter but this only pressed his aching cock more harshly against my boot.

“Ohhh,” he sucked in a breath.

“Oh fine Paul,” I sighed. I removed my foot and I saw his eyes go soft with need. I smirked and turned away from him. I picked up my knife gracefully.

“Guards, take him to the escape gate,” I ordered.

I heard the chains and the murmers od confusion. The gates were opened. Paul was held at the opening like a hunting fox who hadn’t been given the signal.

“What is happening?” Paul asked.

“I’ll give you a five minute head start,” I said in a sickly sweet voice.

“Wait what?” Paul demanded.

“Guards, unchain the emperor.”

“Holy fuck,” Paul rasped.

“Three, two, one….. go!”

I turned slightly to see the slight of a man pounding off into the distance. I flipped my glass and sand timer. I watched the graduals slip downwards.

“Mistress,” questioned a guard.

“Silence,” I boomed.

“Yes Mistress.”

“Here I come,” I grinned as the last speck of sand dropped down.

I raced out of the room. My hyper sensitive senses could hear his breathing and smell his sweat. I loved hunting prey, especially prey that was so pretty.

Sending him off with a boner was smart of me. He was dazed and his blood was confused. I could tell he was still a bit turned on by this whole scenario, as was I.

“Oh Paul,” I taunted.

He screeched to a halt. He turned this way and that. The poor boy had been told he was special for too long. He’d relied too much on his god status and here he was nothing.

“Where are you?” He called. He was trying to figure out which way to go.

“Everywhere,” I giggled.

“Bitch,” he said under his breath, but I couldn’t hear it. He didn’t seem to know just how much of a predator I was.

He began to run again. I threw a stick that way. He went sprawling on the floor of the forest. He was cursing and groaning. He turned over and tried to assess his surroundings again.

“What are you doing? What is the meaning of this?” He cried out.

“I call it…. Playing with my food,” I said slowly.

“Fuck.”

I pounced. I tackled Paul to the ground and pinned him under me. He was panting as he looked up at me. I did what he probably least expected. I crashed my lips to his.

He made a muffled sound, but he was kissing back. Our mouths moved together but mine dominated his. I ran my teeth over his bottom lip. He whined, and I smiled smugly.

“Such an innocent little Duke,” I purred.

“M’not innocent,” he gasped. I just laughed as I made quick work of his pants.

“I’ve done things you could never dream of,” he tried again. All his bravado faded away as I blew some air on his now exposed hole.

“Mistress!” He squirmed.

“That’s it boy, just submit. You were made to be prey after all. Let me reduce you to pieces,” I told him as I now worked on my pants.

“I can’t, what would my father say? What would my mother say? What would- oh!”

I’d ran the tip of my strap over his hole all while massaging his hip bones. I smiled as his eyes struggled to stay open at the euphoric feeling.

“Come on bunny, let the wolf have a taste yeah?” I crooned.

“I can’t, I-I.”

I was pushing the head in. I slowly plunged the length into him. While I did this I raised his legs. He was accepting it even if his fingers clawed at the dirt. His small noises told me it felt good, better than anything he’d been exposed to. Finally, I had him in a mating press.

He looked weak and submissive as his knees were pressed against his chest. My strap was nearly all the way inside him. One of my hands was working on spreading his ass cheeks, the other was gripping his rock hard cock.

“Mistress, it’s touching something. It feels good,” he whispered.

“That’s your prostate little lamb,” I snickered. “So knowledgable about everything except how to make this tight little body feel good.”

I started with one thrust and he moaned. I felt the special piece touch my clit. I began to pump in and out wildly.

“Oh, oh, oh, s’too much, oh mistress,” he whined and squirmed. He was such a pretty sight.

I held my knife to his neck. I smirked as I bit his skin. He was panting as I kept bucking into him.

“Don’t struggle my little trapped lamb, I just want a taste,” I demanded of him. I sliced a small part of his neck. I attached myself to his throat and completely owned him. He was mine. I had his blood in my mouth, my strap in his ass. I had cornered, captured, and defeated him. My prey was completely mine, and now he was fully giving into pleasure.

I pulled out and he whined in protest. I turned him over and bit one of his cute cheeks. I watched as a dribble of precum left his cock. He was so bad at hiding his arousal.

“Please, take me again,” he said in a small voice.

“That’s it, I’ll get you addicted to me,” I laughed as I slammed home. He squealed like a small animal. I chuckled again. I held his hips and began to thrust again.

“Oh yes, oh baby, what a tight ass you have,” I praised. To my surprise he pushed his ass up higher. I stuffed myself deeper.

“Oh fuck, ohhh fuck,” he gasped. His fingers were again grasping at nothing.

“Look at you, dripping everywhere,” I hummed as I smacked his leaking member. “Messy dog.”

“I can’t help it,” he panted. “I-I think I’m going to cum!”

“Slut,” I cooed. I yanked on his cock now, milking it for all I was worth. I completely let go to my pleasure. I let my dominance encompass me. I was jerking his dick, slamming into his ass, and making animalistic noises.

“Oh fuck yes!” I growled possessively. I felt my orgasm begin. I was just rocking and pumping inside him as stars sparkled before my eyes. Bliss was flaming in my veins. He was whining and squirming and crying out as I felt him shoot his seed. He was trying to push against my hand and back onto my strap at the same time.

“Alight,” I said in a satisfied breath. I slapped his spent ass as I pulled out. He collapsed on the ground. He was a mess of cum and sweat.

“You’re free to go Duke Atreides,” I allowed.

“Go?” He asked in a submissive voice.

“Yes, go,” I nodded. I stood up and stretched. His eyes were on my breasts and my large strap.

“What if I don’t wanna go yet,” he said, looking down as his shrinking but still sticky cock.

“You don’t wanna go baby?” I asked in a sweet voice.

“Mm no,” he shook his head.

“Okay Little Duke, come with me,” I said. I clicked a collar around his neck. He obediently walked back with me on all fours, looking up at me with admiration. The bunny entered the wolf’s den willingly.

[johnono]

1, 5, 8, 13, 20 (for the ask game ^^)

thank you for the ask Maki!!

what are you transaddicted to?

pretty much every drug under the sun. but mostly heroin, weed, alcohol, and cigarettes

5. how did you realise you're a transdrugaddict/why did you choose this identity?

well this was actually the first transid of mine that I realised (besides transgender). I spent a whole lot of time battling my cravings for drugs and feeling like I am an addict even if conventionally I wasn't, and then I stumbled upon the rqc and was excited to find a word for it

8. what drugs have you tried? (if any)

alcohol (it counts), weed, mushrooms, and valium

13. if anything was possible, what would be your ultimate transition goals in regards to your transaddiction?

I mean ig I would get addicted to everything I really wanna get addicted to including heroin, and then I would get sober because that's my goal no matter what addiction I transition to because I'm a transrecoveringaddict. but I shan't ever be completely "recovered"

20. free question to infodump about whatever!!

y'know what? following on from what I said in my last post about Gabor Maté, let me give you an example of his theory in action (content warning I'm talking about death and other childhood trauma):

so me in my last life (as in John Lennon) had a pretty traumatic childhood like y'know I didn't get all the loving I needed because my father abandoned me and then my very strict aunt took me from my mother and then my nice uncle died and then my mother died. so by Gabor Maté's theory, I would not have all that brain development which would make it self-sufficient. so pretty much as soon as I got my hands on some drugs, I just went all-in. and in deep did I go, from chain-smoking to drinking to cope to pep pills every day to weed every day to acid every day to heroin every day. Yoko, too, had a traumatic childhood because she grew up in the war and often didn't have any food. and she was also addicted to heroin. and why? because they made us feel normal, or they felt like the hug that we really needed and didn't get as kids. that's what I've heard a lot of heroin addicts say,, heroin feels like a warm hug

Paul McCartney, on the other hand, had a pretty nice childhood. his family was very loving and spent lots of time together, although his mother died when he was a teen so it wasn't trauma-free (plus experiencing beatlemania (in our early 20s) was traumatic too). but his brain would have been more self-sufficient than mine, so he never was much interested in drugs, except weed (he probably was and still is the biggest stoner of us all). he also never had much difficulty recovering from his "addictions", like he used a lot of coke for a year and then just went "hmm this isn't particularly fun, I'll stop" and then he just stopped and didn't look back. like that just wouldn't be plausible to someone like me, like even if a drug wasn't fun (like heroin) I would still do it because I just need it, and recovering is hard. also Paul literally did heroin one time but decided he didn't like it and never tried it again (they say all it takes to get addicted to heroin is to try it once). I'm sure he was addicted to cigarettes, and maybe to weed, and it could be argued he's a workaholic (which yes can be a genuine addiction), but suffice to say he's had a pretty easy time when it comes to addiction compared to me (or Ringo, who also had a very traumatic childhood), especially in a time like the 60s, and I think it has a lot to do with his childhood

I also wanna add that I got better, as in by the end of my life I wasn't using anything (except cigarettes and I think weed). and I was able to achieve that because mentally I got better. I did (primal scream) therapy and I got a bit of a break from the fame for 5 years to just spend time looking after my kid and baking bread, which was grounding, and that's what I needed to get my hug. maybe if I'd lived longer I could've gotten even better

[sincerelyang3l]

saw this on a Reddit thread but I’m just gonna do my own? Cry abt it? But also feel free to drop your own

😻 My Most Painful Noah Kahan Lyrics 😻

….From Stick Season

If you are emotionally unwell pls listen to noah Kahan he gets me on a different level like seriously who is this mulleted man from Vermont

“So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad, That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad” - Stick Season

“My folks still talk, they speak in these two-words sentences” - All My Love

“I still recall how the leather in your car feels And at the end of it all, I just hope that your scars healed” - All My Love

“Oh, you don't have to tell the other kids at school. My dad will strike it rich, we'll be the big house on the block. Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want” - Come Over

“Two bodies riddled with scars from our preteens” - Everywhere Everything

(omg literally just all of orange juice I’m sorry it’s just so heavy)

“And no one will tempt you, We know you got sober.” - Orange Juice

“There's orange juice in the kitchen, Bought for the children, It's yours if you want it. We're just glad you could visit.” - Orange Juice

“Feels like I've been ready for you, To come home for so long, That I didn't think to ask you, Where you'd gone, why'd you go?” - Orange Juice

“But it made you a stranger, And filled you with anger.” - Orange Juice (this one hits so hard I literally know someone this fits exactly like what)

“That the world has changed, don't you find it strange, That you just went ahead and carried on?” - Orange Juice

“Are we all just crows to you now? Are we all just pulling you down? You didn't put those bones in the ground.” - Orange Juice

“And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts.” - Growing Sideways

“I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them.” - Growing Sideways

“'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy. I'm terrified that I might never have met me.” - Growing Sideways

“But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in, And the bridges have long since been burned.” - Halloween

“There's a murder of crows in the low light off Boston. And I see your face in each one. I'm losin' myself in the tiniest objects.” - Halloween

“I'm hearin' your voice in a strange foreign language, If only I learned how to speak.” - Halloween

“Time moves so damn slow, I swear I feel my organs failing.” - Homesick

“I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them.” - Homesick

“Can't stay here, it's hard to face and it feels too ugly.” - Still

“A minute from home but I feel so far from it.” - The View Between Villages

“The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin, It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again.” - The View Between Villages

“I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown, In the name of someone I no longer know.” - Dial Drunk

“And when they ask me who I am, I'll say I'm not from around here.” - Paul Revere

“But I'm in my car and I see the yard, The patch of grass where we buried the dog. And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence, If I could leave, I would've already left.” - Paul Revere

“I saw the end, it looks just like the middle.” - No Complaints

“The birds will still sing, your folks will still fight, The boards will still creak, the leaves will still die. We ain't angry at you, love. We'll be waitin' for you, love” - You’re Gonna Go Far

“You told me you would make a difference. Well, I got drunk and shut you down. It won't be by your own volition, If you step foot outside this town.” - You’re Gonna Go Far

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/23

What am I feeling today?

I wish I had woken up earlier. I feel like I had been asleep forever and wasted the majority of my day so I’m kinda beating myself up about it. Also, I dreamt about my ex last night and it brought back all those emotions but I think it brought some closure too. Also dreamt about the guy I like, it’s not fair, every single time I think ‘I’m over him! I’m totally over him! It’s never gonna happen!’ then I see him again (I saw him last night) and my heart goes wild all over again and I’m so tired of it. I want to be able to move on from him bc that’s the advice I’ve received, that it’s probably never going to happen and sure it stings and hurts every time I’m told that and I wish it didn’t and the only way it wouldn’t is if I could move on!! sometimes I kinda just wanna scream or cry in frustration bc I’m just so sick of it! Anyways, I’m sorry about that rant, I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.

Bible Plan: Spiritual Wilderness

The Spiritual wilderness is a place of wandering. It’s a time when our feelings can fade, our finances might get dry, our relationships get sour, our experiences with God seem to be shallow, and our doubts get amplified.

Spiritual wilderness is spiritual warfare. There is one key that can help us win this spiritual warfare and move us from a spiritual wilderness to victory. That key is worship!

In the wilderness, we will either whine or worship. Chronic complaining may seem natural and come easy, but it has dangerous consequences. Complaining is to the devil what worship is to God.

Wilderness is a dry place; worship is the water! Naturally, we get water from a lake, river, or well. The children of Israel got their water from the Rock. The Rock symbolizes Jesus Christ. That speaks to us today that our worship must flow from who God is especially in our difficult days. Even if our life is currently not doing well, God is good. Worship is essential to surviving wilderness. It will keep us spiritually hydrated.

Not only does worship help us get through hard times without becoming whiners, it is also our spiritual weapon. We are created to worship but called to warfare. One of our weapons is worship. God wants us to have praises in our mouths and His sword in our hands. Spiritual warfare doesn’t work if our mouth is full of complaining and admitting defeat.

Complaining is to the devil what worship is to God. <- this line stood out to me! I kept in mind what the Bible says about grumbling and I caught myself a couple days ago and it really hit me! And with this line!! It hurts even harder!! My goal is to not complain for the rest of the day, whatever I have to get done, whatever I have to do, I’ll do so with worship on my tongue, not complaining because the Lord desires and deserves worship!!

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭5‬-‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.””

I think this is really sweet🥹 talking about how He’s with us and will gather us from the end of the earth🥹 also keep in mind that God formed and made you, I know some people can get on about how they look and even I can get like that too but remember your creator, remember that He made you and He loves you and creature you for His glory!

‭‭Acts‬ ‭16‬:‭25‬-‭26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

Tbh this just further shows you the power of praise! Even though they were in prison, they never stopped praying and giving glory to God!

[nfumbewalk]

Got Work Done

Thought I'd show my Visconti deck, though the gold sheen cannot be seen. This deck is based off the Marseilles deck, not Rider-Waite. I refuse to use those decks because Mr. Waite fabricated the symbolism of the Minor Arcana. Just do some digging and read "The Devil's Picturebook," by Paul Huson. This reading posted is a yes/no spread. Its a "yes" answer. How? Just ask! I got it from an underground Santa Muerte book. 😉

Mmmkay...to the actual post! I got some shit done today, well, on Proj. 163.190! My book! I've made a concerted effort to wake up daily around 5:00-6:00 AM and without an alarm! I like getting my Fuel from Black Rock and hitting the laptop! Putting on some Sisters of Mercy or Jesus and the Mary Chain, maybe Velvet Underground and definitely The fuckin Rolling Stones,"Some Girls," Exile," or "Sticky Fingers..." Gets me psyched!

I wrote on various topics today. About tools of Muerteria, anointing oils, behaviors, lots of things I consider important, though some may say not incredibly important. Naw, everything I put in that book IS very detailed and has MEANING. Its all integral to the practice/path.

The rest of this post...is innocuous. I've been reading the Grimiorium Verum again. My favorite grimiore besides Abramelin. I'm reading Peterson's version with the two other languages. I've always liked Scirlin, though there isn't a hell of a lot about him. I've read other people's impressions and find them inaccurate to mine, as I find him to be of Saggitary, but so close to Capricorn (2 days) that I don't really consider him a Fire element Demon. Maybe Firey Earth? Naw. Earth to me. Hate to disappoint.

Huictugaras is the ONE Demon that I actively worked with, unique to the Verum only. This Demon can cause either insomnia to a great degree or total slumber that is very difficult to awaken from. They also affect dreams as well, bringing an onslaught of them. I have used these capabilities to my own pleasure, never having a backfire, not yet anyway - unless you count a grumpy spouse. But he's always grumpy when he wakes up!!

Huictugaras came to me very recently and wanted me to build a space for them. I say 'them' to be gender neutral, because mainly, this Demon has not showed a gender to me. If they do, I'll properly identify them. 😊 So, I have a small spot with items that I intuitively grabbed for Huictugaras. They are a Water Demon, I gathered - because they hold dominion over sleep and dreams, which also tells me that Neptune may be their planet.

I got blue items and my brass chalice as well as a brass offering bowl and brass candlesticks. All the items screamed out at me - as well as this big, painted animal bone I got "during the old Trad Dem times" from a now deceased Demonolator friend. That was 2001. Yeah, about there. I was just divorced from my ex. Very same year I was initiated, just months earlier. Huictugaras definitely wanted my sharp dagger. They said that they saw my Siphoning technique when I call upon Rodolfo. It was interesting to them and they want to try it!?! How long has Huictugaras been here?

I don't make a habit out of Demons, just Biffy is typically invited. I do not call on any others. What I had problems with was the old Demonolatry community, not so much the religion. I didn't know how to properly handle Demonic energy for a very long time. Actually it was as recent as the 2020's. A LOT of things with me have changed since I had my opening, my attunement. And I did almost all of it on my own. I had a tiny ritual that I did that made the huge difference. What was it? Some of it was becoming a devotee of Santa Muerte. Part of it was pacting with my muerto, Rodolfo.

The main thing was the practice I started with Rodolfo and other muertos around me. It has now become Muerteria.

If practiced in full, daily, I think Muerteria can change lives. First, you become more humble. More respectful. More dutiful, responsible. But also, kind and loving. It puts you on the spiritual wavelength where you learn to automatically care for other people, not just muertos and family - but caring about other humans and our planet. The muertos are monumentally important and you care for all of them deeply - especially your muerto(s). There's physical stuff to do.

There's a choice to use magic, but if you do - its best to include your muerto. You can teach them and they can learn by watching you. My muerto watched me - he's now a powerful magical ally of mine. I send him out for trabajos.

I certainly hope that when Proj. 163.190 is done, I can get it published by someone. I really do not want to self-publish!!

Muerteria is my little miracle work.

Me in my Sisters of Mercy shirt and Biffy necklace from Arcana13, Canada. Pewter, handcrafted. Small Amethyst cabochon top.

Hmm, Demons and me now? Well, don't think many of them will grace my presence because I made a crap ton of mistakes with them. Big ones that aren't likely forgiven. It could just be a couple of hierarchies. The Verum Demons (not the big ones like Lucifer) seem to be available to me, as are Abramelin Demons. Goetia? Only for divination. Forget Dukanté. But there's many, many, many Demons and lower demons out there.

But as a religion? Nope. Religion isn't for me. A practice is.

And, so ends this scattery post.

M.M. 💖💀💖

[novella-writers]

👾👾👾

helloooo! i am not replacing anyone that i am writing with at the moment, merely opening up more slots for writing partners! i am known as void, i am 25 years old, in the est, and nonbinary. i love ooc talk so i can make friends with my partners, sending memes, playlists, pinterest boards and all that good stuff to each other. i write on discord only for server organization. as of the moment, i am not doing double ups.

i am looking for fellow 20+ writers who write novel/novella third person who would be open to some cc / oc interactions (they do not have to be romantic! while i love shipping, i also love to explore all different dynamics!) with me using and fleshing out my own characters. be advised i will explore nsfw and dark, dark themes. here are the two fandoms i'm looking for right now, along with a brief description of my muses:

DUNE - FILM BASED

Roman Sabaal - "The Sick" A young royal exiled from his home after contracting a mysterious infection. He now has taken on the role of an assassin for hire to survive. Looking to write him against Chani or Paul Atreides.

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - SHOW BASED

Cisui - "Lord of Frost" A creature of noble blood, a trickster and shapeshifter, born to a lost continent in the frozen north. Now a wanderer lost far from home in Westeros, he tries to use his wits and magic to return from where he came.

Phxy - "The Sphinx" Raised by a cult from birth. Years of ritual torture and mutilation warped their mind into believing they were the very god the cult was trying to summon, and turned them to a cannibal. Eventually abandoned as a failure, they lived chained in a hidden temple until mysterious circumstances set them free.

Would love to write against Jacaerys Velaryon, Aegon II Targaryen, Aemond Targaryen or anyone really!

if you're at all interested in writing with me, please interact with this post and i'll shoot you a message! thanks!

Like if interested!

[prpfz]

👾👾👾

helloooo! i am not replacing anyone that i am writing with at the moment, merely opening up more slots for writing partners! i am known as void, i am 25 years old, in the est, and nonbinary. i love ooc talk so i can make friends with my partners, sending memes, playlists, pinterest boards and all that good stuff to each other. i write on discord only for server organization. as of the moment, i am not doing double ups.

i am looking for fellow 20+ writers who write novel/novella third person who would be open to some cc / oc interactions (they do not have to be romantic! while i love shipping, i also love to explore all different dynamics!) with me using and fleshing out my own characters. be advised i will explore nsfw and dark, dark themes. here are the two fandoms i'm looking for right now, along with a brief description of my muses:

DUNE - FILM BASED

Roman Sabaal - "The Sick" A young royal exiled from his home after contracting a mysterious infection. He now has taken on the role of an assassin for hire to survive. Looking to write him against Chani or Paul Atreides.

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - SHOW BASED

Cisui - "Lord of Frost" A creature of noble blood, a trickster and shapeshifter, born to a lost continent in the frozen north. Now a wanderer lost far from home in Westeros, he tries to use his wits and magic to return from where he came.

Phxy - "The Sphinx" Raised by a cult from birth. Years of ritual torture and mutilation warped their mind into believing they were the very god the cult was trying to summon, and turned them to a cannibal. Eventually abandoned as a failure, they lived chained in a hidden temple until mysterious circumstances set them free.

Would love to write against Jacaerys Velaryon, Aegon II Targaryen, Aemond Targaryen or anyone really!

if you're at all interested in writing with me, please interact with this post and i'll shoot you a message! thanks!

give a like and anon will get back to you

[monstrsball]

my favorite line in each song on noah kahan's stick season (we'll all be here forever)

this will be long so i am just putting it all under the cut <33 if you haven't, you should listen to stick season by noah kahan btw

Northern Attitude

"Forgive my northern attitude, oh, I was raised on little light."

Stick Season

"And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose."

honestly really hard to narrow it down for this one because i love so many lines in this long... "I'm no longer funny cause I miss the way you laugh" is another one i really like.

All My Love

"Now I know your name, but not who you are."

(runner-up: "If you need me, dear, I'm the same as I was" )

this is one of my favorite songs on the album in general because it's just so... relatable, idk. like this is a song about a past relationship but it makes me think about the friends i lost touch with after i graduated high school. makes me emo.

She Calls Me Back

"I still dial 822-993-167"

the pre-chorus just tickles my brain... i enjoy it a lot but specifically this line. idk man. otherwise i don't have like strong emotions tied to this song or anything but i do like it.

"Oh, there was heaven in your eyes. I was not baptized" is also good though... really love the way he sings it too

Come Over

"Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want"

New Perspective

"You and all of your new perspective now Wish I could shut it in a closet And drag you back down"

Everywhere, Everything

"Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat"

Orange Juice

"Are we all just crows to you now?"

there are so many parts of this song that i absolutely adore... it's so hard to pick one. the post-chorus is genuinely incredible. my favorite part of the song.

Strawberry Wine

"No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft"

Growing Sideways

"I'm terrified that I might never have met me."

Halloween

"But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in And the bridges have long since been burnt"

Homesick

"I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them. Spend the rest of my life with what could have been And I will die in the house that I grew up in"

as i've said before.... this song seems to perfectly sum up what being in your 20s is like lmao. (it's very much about growing up in new england but it's also so 'what being in your 20s is like' to me)

Still

"You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it"

The View Between Villages

"The things that I lost here, the people I knew They got me surrounded for a mile or two."

The View Between Villages (extended) <- technically the last song on the album but i'm putting it here so it goes with the original

"I'm back between villages and everything's still"

okay i was going to pick a lyric that was unique to the extended version but i couldn't. i just love this one, i have to represent it.

Your Needs, My Needs

"I'm naming the stars in the sky after you"

however, the bridge is also INCREDIBLE and perhaps my favorite part but i don't want to just write the entirety of it. and i think what makes it my favorite is less the lyrics and just the way he sings it and the way it... intensifies and gets louder?? idk. but it makes me crazy.

Dial Drunk

"'Son are you a danger to yourself?' Fuck that sir, just let me call"

another one where the bridge is my favorite part of the song and i didn't want to just write the entirety of it lol. this line IS from the bridge though

Paul Revere

"And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence If I could leave, I would have already left"

No Complaints

"Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen"

Call Your Mom

"I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom"

once again, the bridge is the best part of the song imo but this line gets to me too. this whole song makes me tear up though... had to force myself not to cry one time when it came on while i was in the car with my dad.

You're Gonna Go Far

"We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we lost"

this is the hinata shouyou song to me... so ofc this is my favorite line. <33 i think about him and karasuno whenever i listen to it and it makes me so so so emo, i want to cry. hinata fans gather and listen to this song.

also have recently started appreciating "Making quiet calculations where the fault lies"... makes me think about a certain ship that i'm sure you will never be able to guess [sarcasm] <- world's most predictable girl

[ddelline]

ch83—136 | a shibuya OST

what | 49 quintessentially shibuya sounding tracks from every which genre (except the overused nu-metal the fandom wants) blurb | encountered one too many threads about the forthcoming (incredible sounding) shibuya OST filled w "it’s not hard/aggressive-sounding enough to fit the arc"-discourse, which gave me a rash, bc music w/o screaming can also sound (&go) hard af. so that forced me to assemble all my finest genre finds under the category “aggressive/raw/claustrophobic/menacing sounding tracks”, ranging from electro/ebm/breaks/idm → art pop/electronica/triphop → psychedelic rock & more. tldr here it is: the result of me being Affronted By Someone’s Musical Opinion On The Internet playlist → spotify (cont updated) tracklist | under cut

1. Identified Patient — Low Kust instr

2. Tricky & Martina Topley-Bird — Hell Is Round The Corner distant drums bring the news of a kill tonight  the kill which I share with my passengers  we take our fill, take our fill, take our fill

3. COUCOU CHLOE — WIZZ high—not the first time (shh)  high—not your last time (shh)

4. Tzusing — Gait instr

5. Martina Topley-Bird — Too Tough To Die derision’s a cold wind against my skin  you keep a-flayin’ til there’s no skin at all  what’s to hold it together when you stumble  and you fall

6. Labrinth — Nate Growing Up player, player put the money on it

7. Smoke City — Devil Mood I feel in a devil of a mood being instilled by the devil  wicked hot, brings me so much pain  and pleasure I can’t keep away

8. Massive Attack — Risingson now you’re lost and you’re lethal  and now’s about the time you gotta leave all  these good people; dream on

9. Portishead — Wandering Star those who have seen the needle’s eye now tread like a husk from which all that was now has fled  and the masks that the monsters wear  to feed upon their prey

10. The Herbaliser — The Sensual Woman instr

11. Vessel — Red Sex instr

12. Björk — Hunter I’m not stopping: I’m going hunting  I’m the hunter—I’ll bring back the goods 

13. Sofa Surfers — Hardwire psychic shrapnel  the ruin in me  I don’t want no heroes  cause someday you see the wire

14. Dollkraut — Rollercoaster instr

15. Nearly God, Terry Hall & Martina Topley-Bird — Poems forget the punk, I pack the funk  I’m gonna take a piece of you

16. Tristesse Contemporaine — Daytime Nighttime I just keep crashing, living on my rations the bullets and the roses, devil and the poses  don’t know where my ghost is; don’t know where my home is  guess we never chose this

17. Tzusing — 日出東方 唯我不敗 instr

18. Björk — Army of Me you’ll meet an army of me  army of me

19. Erik Lundin — Gold my sight aims on the horizon  through my pulse  and my temperature rising

20. Amnesia Scanner & Freeka Tet — Ledge instr

21. Tzusing — Residual Stress instr

22. The Prodigy — Breathe breathe the pressure come play my game, I’ll test ya psychosomatic, addict, insane

23. Caterina Barbieri — Memory Leak instr

24. Radiohead — The National Anthem everyone is so near  everyone has got the fear  it’s holding on

25. UNKLE & Thom Yorke — Rabbit In Your Headlights fat bloody fingers  are suckin�� your soul  away, away, away

26. Queens of the Stone Age — “You Got A Killer Scene There, Man…” what’s the fuckin’ difference, we all gonna die  you gonna do something killer?  c’mon, give it a try

27. Paul Kalkbrenner — Gebrünn Gebrünn instr

28. Underworld — and the colour red dark charge  no, no, no dark  charge  no, no, no

29. Tricky & Martina Topley-Bird — Black Steel I’m not a fugitive on the run  but a brother like me began to be another one  public enemy servin’ time, they drew the line y’all  they criticize me for some crime 30. Justice — Genesis instr 31. Alice In Chains — Would? am I wrong? have I run too far to get home?  have I gone? and left you here alone? 32. Mother Love Bone — This Is Shangrila so don’t you die on me, babe  don’t you die on me  ‘cause love is all good people need

33. Linkin Park — Faint I can’t feel the way I did before  don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored  time won’t heal this damage anymore 

34. Labrinth — Mount Everest I burn down my house and build it up again  (tell ‘em)  I burn it down twice just for the fun of it (tell ‘em)

35. Vince Staples & Snoh Aalegra — Jump Off The Roof highway to hell and I’m speeding one way to tell if I’m breathing  on three let’s jump off the roof

36. Blawan — Body Ramen instr

37. David Holmes presents The Free Association — Le Baggage rise (rise, rise) rise above ground

38. Nearly God & Björk — Keep Your Mouth Shut better keep your mouth shut, babe  next to your chest  better keep your mouth closed, baby  and keep it close to your chest

39. The Dead Weather — 60 Feet Tall I know it ain’t easy  I must tap your evil well  boy, you come roaring like a bat out of hell

40. Giant Swan — Boasting instr

41. Screaming Trees — Shadow of the Season the hour is ending, can’t you see  there is no way now to get free  in the shadow of the season without a reason to carry on

42. Underworld — Bruce Lee bullet got the wrong bloke but he don’t die anyway  it’s nothing mortal but he don’t move

43. Amon Tobin & MC Decimal R. — Verbal instr

44. Massive Attack & Young Fathers — Voodoo In My Blood voodoo in my blood is livid  blood take, I’m chillin’, chill me  got the soul of a mimic  sign of the wars is my grinning

45. Blawan — Under Belly instr

46. Massive Attack & Roots Manuva — Dead Editors ‘cause to live or to die for  we all search for some kind of truth

47. Gonjasufi — Your Maker (Daddy G Remix) is anyone else tired from working on a spaceship?  from walking on a wire?

48. Labrinth — Gangster instr

49. Tzusing — 戴綠帽 (Wear Green Hat) instr

[otterlarouche]

The DGR write up is not one most would expect, in fact - it comes from a more personal level.

Nothing could have prepared me for the day's event. Sure I had my camera and film packed the night before. What I mean by being prepared is, just a few hours earlier I had learned that a friend, a fellow motorcycle enthusiast - a fellow rider had passed away. My ride to NYC from Philadelphia was a quiet one. I distinctly remember having just a few things on my mind. Paul (my friend who had passed) being one of them. His young daughter that he leaves behind. The fact that he had sole custody of her since the mother of his child wanted nothing to do with either of them. Paul was just 29 years of age and less than a week shy of turning 30. You all would have loved him. He was as genuine as they get.

Before the 500+ riders took off from Grand Central Station, I did my best to do what I do, that is capture moments of people's lives and the machines that they love. That ‘two wheel therapy’. Looking through the viewfinder, seeing so many smiling faces brought mixed feelings to the point of me having to stop for two reasons. One of joy, I had to take it all in. All these people would be riding in solidarity for a great cause. It defines the meaning of community. It's not just about the bikes or what they ride....but the people. I had this urge to thank each and every one of them. I sat down for a while listening to the city and the sounds of roaring motorcycles as they went off in the distance. For just a little while I was able to smile for a bit. The second reason was, I had to ask myself a hard question. What am I even doing here? That weighed heavily on me. I felt broken in some odd way. I had just lost a friend.

It’s now Saturday the 28th 2pm (2022). As I wrote this, chain smoking cigarettes, having paid my respects to Pauls family at his service earlier in the day. I thought about the people I've captured on film. Pouring over all the photos that I would be giving back to the DGR organization. Being reminded of the generous donors who support the DGR and what it stands for. I also thought of those who are battling prostate cancer and most of all those who are too proud to seek help, when they really need it. You know, that stigma we’re so afraid to even talk about, let alone mention. Mens mental health. I thought about Paul too.

In my lifetime, I’ve lost friends to cancer and suicide. As I looked around at the hundreds of people who came out for the DGR ride NYC, thinking about those who donated to the organization that couldn’t attend, at some point in their lifetime, by some degree of separation they have also suffered a loss too. What does one even say? I don’t even know.

What I do know is: DGR is, One day of solidarity. From its inception to current date the organization is recognized globally. I am grateful for having been invited to lend my eye and record the day.

-Otter LaRouche

[readingsofgrace]

When Worry Fades, Joy Remains

Lately, I’ve been feeling out of the blue—tired, anxious, and uncertain about tomorrow. It’s as if the weight of the world has settled on my shoulders, and no matter how much I try to shake it off, the worries linger. The “what-ifs” whisper in my mind, stealing my peace. But in the middle of my restlessness, I found an unexpected source of encouragement: the Book of Philippians.

Paul wrote this letter while in prison, yet it is filled with so much joy, hope, and confidence in Christ. How could a man, locked away and facing an uncertain future, radiate such unwavering faith? As I read through Philippians, I began to see a clear message—joy isn’t about my circumstances; it’s about my perspective.

Rejoice, Even When It Doesn't Make Sense

Paul says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4). At first, I struggled with this verse. How do I rejoice when life feels heavy? But then I realized—Paul wasn’t saying to ignore my struggles. He was reminding me that joy comes from the Lord, not from my situation. Rejoicing isn’t about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about choosing to trust God even when it’s not.

Paul’s life was filled with hardships—beatings, imprisonment, shipwrecks, and rejection—but he still found joy. In Philippians 1:12-14, he explains that his suffering actually advanced the gospel: "Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ." Even in suffering, Paul saw purpose. This encouraged me—maybe my struggles, too, can be used for God’s glory.

Replacing Anxiety with Prayer

One of the verses that spoke directly to my heart was Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I needed to hear this. I had been holding onto my worries, trying to figure everything out on my own. But Paul’s words reminded me that peace isn’t something I create—it’s something God gives when I surrender my anxieties to Him. So, instead of dwelling on my fears, I decided to bring them to God in prayer, trusting that His peace would guard my heart.

This reminds me of another passage in Romans 5:3-5: “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Paul teaches us that suffering isn’t pointless—it shapes us and leads us to hope.

Strength for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

Philippians 1:6 reminded me that I am a work in progress: “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God isn’t finished with me yet. The uncertainty I feel about tomorrow doesn’t mean God isn’t working. He is still shaping me, refining me, and preparing me for what’s ahead.

And when I feel weak? Philippians 4:13 gives me confidence: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Paul wasn’t just talking about achieving great things—he was talking about enduring hardships with God’s strength. And if he could find strength in Christ while imprisoned, I can find strength in Him today, no matter what I’m facing.

Paul also gives us hope in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” These verses remind me to shift my focus from my struggles to the bigger picture—eternity with Christ.

Suffering With Purpose

Paul didn’t just endure suffering; he embraced it, knowing that it served a greater purpose. In Philippians 3:10, he says, "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." His goal wasn’t just to escape hardship—it was to grow closer to Christ through it.

Another encouraging passage is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, where Paul talks about his "thorn in the flesh": "But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This verse reminds me that God’s strength is revealed in my weaknesses. I don’t have to have it all together—God’s grace is enough.

Choosing Joy in Christ

Paul’s words in Philippians aren’t just a call to be happy—they are an invitation to experience deep, unshakable joy in Christ. A joy that doesn’t fade when life gets hard. A joy that isn’t based on circumstances but on the unchanging love of God.

So, as I walk through my struggles, I choose to hold on to the truth found in Philippians. I choose to rejoice, to pray instead of worry, and to trust that God is still at work. My circumstances may not change overnight, but my heart is being transformed. And that gives me the hope I need for tomorrow.

No matter what comes, I hold onto Paul’s final encouragement in Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." God will provide—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. He will give me the strength to press on, just as He did for Paul.

If Paul could find joy in prison, I can find joy in my trials. If Paul could trust God in suffering, I can trust Him in my uncertainty. And if Paul’s faith could endure through the worst, then I can hold onto mine, knowing that the same God who strengthened him is strengthening me today.

[bronchy]

in preparation for the unsanctioned match at elimination chamber today, i’m catching up on the relevant background reading (mithen’s essays) to better grasp the fucking insanity that is steenerico lore. specifically, their mask vs career fight without honor at final battle in manhattan. i have seen the more infamous clips from this match, and read this work of art mithen wrote on it, but have put off watching it for myself in full until now.

so, i present, a highly biased mildly unhinged and reaction, notes, and review of kevin steen and el generico’s unsanctioned main event of roh final battle 2010.

> starting with the clip of kevin making the challenge, it was uploaded 14 years ago and all the comments are 14 years old. it’s poignant and a little surreal

> generico looks so fucking sad. kevin is crashing the fuck out. this will be a common motif.

> this is so emotional already and they haven’t even touched each other yet

> bring back spitting in your opponent’s face

> wow. this is really great.

> chain and streamer combination is quite sexy actually

> FREAKS i love them

> kevin bleeding already. very lovely.

> tables, okay then

> god, he’s dripping

> da ladder

> what is with these guys and apron bombs

> he is writing on himself in blood and licking it off ❤️❤️ god bless you kevin steen

> those gate covers are not very thick are they

> i’m afraid i need him

> okay he picked up the whole fucking thing

> the forehead blood getting on generico’s back when they do the backdrop onto the ladder

> fuck this is horny

> why am i so attracted to this freak

> ole ole ole ole ole ole

> quite a bit of tlc already

> that one part of the light on the leaves

> they’re so fucking athletic it’s crazy how do you do this shit while bleeding like that

> i could fix him yall

> the blood and the black mask mirroring the red and black mask

> big fan of public blood kink

> umm no comment

> this is so cinema

> el generico is going to save us all

> kickout after three suplexes onto the ladder

> they’re getting increasingly desperate, i am enjoying it.

> wow he sure can throw him

> el generico is the best wrestler in the world

> damn you can really see his face

> god, kevin’s kicks are brutal

> i need to watch that double dog collar match

> i really like half nelsons

> chekhov’s table

> the streamers are so ironically delightful

> love when people kick out of their own moves

> nose and eyebrows are out

> fucking steve corino i swear to god

> shit the way he sold that lariat

> we’re okay. colt is here.

> this is so romantical

> spitting, kicking, flipping off, screaming at, accidentally taking out the ref: the five love languages

> package piledrivers are hot idc

> oh, hey bryce!

> this is so fucking funny

> oh, hey paul!

> when will a bloody kevin steen come into my life

> turnbuckle brainbuster, my queen

> fuck i really thought he had that one

> generico is such a frog

> 1, 2, 3.

post match thoughts: okay, so that was really good. like really fucking good. perfect structure, perfect execution of an amazing story. i am into blood in a sexual way. i mean, they’re just such special performers and they’re chemistry is absolutely unmatched and they should fight forever. also it got freaky. i don’t know what they’re gonna do in toronto tonight, because it isn’t going to be that, but i still have faith it will be special. anyway, yeah, A+ match must watch for a lot of reasons i would watch it again right now if i wasn’t so sleepy.