#i also did this in like 15 minutes in the car bc i saw the post and had to make it immediately

[odysseys-blood]

take this thang anywhere you want (original)

[jin-jamm-desu]

*°•_:JJK Headcanons:_•°*

;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;

!!!Fluff, ❌🍋(no smut)!!!

Featuring/Pairing: Itadori Yuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Kento Nanami, Inumaki Toge

(These are the (some) main people I absolutely know how to write for,

please give me ideas if you don't see someone/thing you'd like to see. <3)

*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::* °×•×°×•×°×•×°First Date°×•×°×•×°×•×°

Itadori Yuji: ° Your first date and 1 month' aversarry (1 month' anniversary) is gonna take place at a cat/pet cafe.

° No exeptions

° Itadori is gonna have a ball with you regardless of where your first date is, but he know how much you like cats/(other animals).

° All of his attention is on you as you take pictures of the animals and eat the cute food.

° He can barely take his eyes off of you <3

° He fell first and fell harder.

° He is the type of guy to bring you a bunch of unnecessary gifts (like Gojo) at random times

° Except his gifts are cuter and personalized (unlike Gojo)

° Love language is definitely Acts of Service and Quality Time

° He just loves seeing you happy and safe and that's all that really matters to him at this point.

° Honest to God, brags about how cute you are to anybody who'd listen: his friends, his teachers, your pets, somebody's child, random pictures YOU NAME IT

° Takes you to the movies afterwards (he looked for good movies with the help of Junpei (😭💕))

° Somehow ate 3 (full size) plates of food at the cafe before you had to ask him, "HOW DID YOU EAT ALL THAT? ARE YOU OJAY??? YUJI ITS BEEN 15 MINUTES SINCE WE SAT DOWNNN!!??!??!!"

° Gives you a soft kiss on the hand and then cheek once you get home

° Your name is filled with hearts and stars on his contacts bc it's cute

Fushiguro Megumi:

° He didn't know how much was too much so he took you for a cute park-picnic date

° He makes sure to bring lots of water and fresh fruit because its midday.

° He also brought (favorite cake flavor) to share <3

° Likes to look at all the dogs he sees and tell you everything he knows about them

° He blushes so hard when you compliment/flirt with him (if you dyed his hair he'd look like a damn tomato)

° (my headcanon) He talks about how he'd like to be a veterinarian when he gets older because he doesn't want animals to live the same life he lived at one point

° His point blank resting glare scares off anyone who tries to talk to the both of you

° Keeps getting the sneaking suspicion that Itadori, Nobara and Gojo are talking about him (he got really irritated at one point, that's how he knows)

° Has the cutest giggles when a bee lands near your nose

° Brings butterfly/dinosaur charms for you because he thinks you look cute when you talk about them.

° Leaves the picnic area better than he found it because he's just responsible like that

° Takes you too a pretty garden area where he gifts you (favorite flower)

° Kisses your hand goodbye (I faint)

° Told his classmates and teacher that the date was nice and nothing else (💀)

° Your contact has a picture he secretly took of you and thought was cute

Kento Nanami

° The epitome of class

° I swear he just keeps raising the damn bar

° Picks you up in the late afternoon/ evening

° Dinner at a nice restaurant (I think it's French/Louisianan cuisine)

° He bought a present for you because he saw it on the way to his car to pick you up

° A nice walk to set up for a good conversation

° He made sure that everything was so perfect, found a great path (walkable in flats/heels) that you can see the stars when you look up

° Calls you - My Lady - (see that capitalization?)

° Wanted to bust out in his singing voice when he heard MCR playing from somewhere (he's a diehard fan at heart and we all know it)

° Very excited to tell you about how much he likes bread (he prefers fresh made over store bought and loves to laugh at the silly designs on his sourdough)

° Almost choked on his spit when he thought he saw Satoru somewhere but it turned out to be flowers or sum.

° It was Satoru, he wanted to be a nosy bat and see what Nanami was doing since the couldn't annoy him today

° Very attentive to little details when you describe things things you (dis)like so he can be ready for future dates

° In his bag he definitely has chapstick, a notepad (he's so orderly), some mints and he made sure to pack a pair of slippers for you just in case your feet hurt at any point

° He's such a gentleman and he's so nice and respectful to the servers during dinner

° Makes sure to walk you to your door once he gets you home safely

° Puts a 💕 next to your name in his contacts.

° (Gojo is called 'The Annoying One 🤞😒' in his contacts, the only other one with emojis)

Inumaki Toge

° This chronically online ass mfker.

° He challenged you to a Fortnite battle

° It's a gaming date.

° So much mogging. You hit him with a 🗿🔥🐺 and he got quiet

° SALMONNN!!! 😭😭🙏

° POLLACK ROE 😤😡😤😤

° Rice 💕🥰😚😍

° MUSTARD LEAF¿¿‽‽!!¿??

° Then Super Smash Bros™

° Soon y'all we're laughing your asses off at the villager prisons on your newly created Minecraft server.

° The unhealthiest amount of junk food known to man kind

° I'm convinced he consumes Redbull and gummy bears like water and air.

° When a creep kept pressing you on the internet he took over as your big strong man (he's shorter than 5'9, I checked 💀😭)

° Legit kept calling himself The Skibidi Alpha Pack Leader™ and how much he want (the creep) to join his gang of Loners™

° Uses (🗿🙏🗣️🗿🌶️💬🥇📢🩼🎯��🐺🌘) religiously and unironically

° In all seriousness he does love you though. He's so glad he has someone he can laugh with and talk to (using text to speech- ofc it's set to Gigachad Voice)

° Absolutely the best at lifting you up when your sad because you humor has been marinated in the TikTok algorithm and is peak

° When he calls he uses facetime so you can see his reactions and his eyelashes that are always on fleek

° He passes little notes to you when he can't express his words through ingredients: "Your laugh is pretty <3",,, "That (game)skin is so cute, it goes well with your weapon",,, "Thank you for coming out with me, I like you a lot<333"

° Afterwards he gifts you little trinkets from when we was at the mall one time.

וװDid you like it?°×•× וװGot requests/recommendations?°×•×

*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*::*

[ask-sister-solaris]

sjsndbd you can keep sending me asks i literally do not mind them i love your ideas sm. you're actually helping with muse it's insane.

But since you insist, i had an idea in mind, and then i forgot, and then i saw your reblog and remembered again so !!

could i possibly get another egon x reader (i literally love egon i am not sorry about this) where the reader is a little bit religiously traumatized and they have a call there, but they physically cannot step into the church bc 1) their family went to this church, and 2) everything is coming back after almost forgetting about everything so egon has to comfort them.

Sorry if that's a little dark but that's me being angsty 💀

*rubs hands together* I also have religious trauma so les goooo

“I promise you’re okay Dove”

Egon Spengler x Reader

Warnings: angst, religious trauma, implied 🍇

Panic set in even before you’d gotten into the Ecto 1. The call you’d received was from a church, the Catholic Church to be precise. The one your parents attended when you were young. Egon knew you didn’t like churches somewhat but he thought it was just because you were a scientist and you didn’t believe the stupid bible stories.

You took your meds and got into the Ecto 1 all kitted up and ready. As Ray pulled up to the church your stomach did flips and suddenly you were back to your 7 year old self.

You were only young, seven years old nearly 8. Your parents were taking you to Easter service at the church near your apartment. You were dressed up in a pretty blue dress with a little bow at the back and your hair curled. You never understood why exactly this was so important but you enjoyed the free chocolate.

Of course you’d never worn a dress of this style to church. It came to your knees and was very poofy and femme. The dresses you usually wore were ankle length, and a peachy colour. You didn’t argue though because good girls never argued. As you approached the church the pastor was welcoming everyone, and though you nor your parents saw, he was eyeing you up.

You sat beside your parents and swung your little legs as the ceremony began. You were old enough to volunteer with the little show they put on and let kids get involved with. Of course you begged your parents and it didn’t take much for them to allow you to. The service itself went smoothly, afterward while children were allowed to play outside on the clear patch of grass and adults were sat around picnic tables talking, the pastor called you over into the church. He told you that you looked very pretty in your dress and that he knew God intended you to find a man soon.

This confused you because you were only 7 and boys were so blehhhhh. But you just nodded and smiled and turned to leave. The pastor asked you if you could show him your stockings because they looked so pretty and you foolishly agreed. You thought nothing of it and never mentioned it to your parents. And that’s how it continued every Easter service up until you were 15 and finishing up school.

He tried to get you to strip, going as far as to drag you into the confessional booth and rip your dress. Without going into to much depth he had his way with you and only after you were able to escape and run out screaming and crying. Your dress was in shreds, you were a mess makeup running down your cheeks, and all your parents said was, “you shouldn’t have been tempting him with how short your dress was”

You hadn’t moved from your seat in the Ecto one for a good five minutes, tears were streaming down your cheeks your breathing heavy. Egon told the others to go ahead and he would catch up. They agreed and he waited for you to calm down and come back to the real world. They had things in the car for if Egon ever had a panic attack. He grabbed a sugary drink and something sour for you and that helped you come back to the present.

He held your hand gently and you looked at him. His heart broke seeing how upset you looked. “It’s okay now my dove, I promise you it’s okay Dove”

When the ghost was contained and you were safely in Egons baggy clothes in his bed swaddled up with your favorite drink and snacks Egon put his favorite music on and worked on some paperwork at the desk inside the bedroom. Not even Venkman had cracked a joke about the church, and that was rare.

[tiny-sassy-aggressive]

I am living blogging my reaction to the second watch through of WDAPTEO 4 bc the first run through was so much

00:00- I screamed when I saw the notif. I was alone in the car. Just pulled up to my apt looked at my phone and screamed “ no way “ I still can’t believe we got it

00:01- hi, they are SO BEAUTIFUL I’m squealing. I cannot stop staring it’s embarassing

00:27 what’s going on here? “Nothing” my heart. The smiles

00:50 oh I am LOVING the feature wall. And fish tank reveal project??

01:00 how dare they throw THAT japhan photo up there like it’s just some example. Who the hell do they think they are- also I want that doomed hoodie :( he is snug as a bug in a rug

01:50 terror not even 2 minute in and crack

02:03 I’m sorry Dan asking Phil about TikTok stuff is precious

02:13(What is cba)

02:39 I CACKLED. Phil’s sarcastic ass omg

02:44 dans little pat

02:58 phivorce

03:05 I know the ft, they are friends of course. But seeing the messages really warms my heart. Like it’s so normal why am I emotional

03:52 of course Phil sends millions of memes

04:10 how in the fuck did Phil catch his phone what??? Ft dans face during the whole interaction.

Ad time —— 04:25. Im sorry Dan looks fucking amazing, his hair is so curled and pretty? And he looks so comfy cozy and soft??? My Dannie side is really coming out rn

04:59 handsome devil, damn straight. Love this man he’s too precious for this world

05:23 🍑

05:55 are the Brits okay??? Bone daddies?? I’m too American for this

06:30 perfectly encapsulated Dan and Phil energy

06:35 Dan saying dude scratches a weird itch in my brain

06:55 again! Totally normal to call a friend in a taxi. But this moment makes them so real in my mind like yes. Call that friend. In that taxi. Make it less awkward. Why did I like this moment so much

07:05 A PRETEND CONVO OF COURSE HE WOULD. He’s so real for that

07:34 “these are very dan and Phil”

07:42 I’m in pain. Koala content and ouch I can’t even put into words

08:44 three days without a text sounds exaggerated. Or lie. Like cmon. All those messages and convos and yall went 3 days without a word?? Sounds fake

08:58 asking what he should do for his nails!!? Again totally normal but UGH I love their friendship

09:01 also Phil coming in with a STELLAR idea, hope to see it happen

09:11 Phil’s a little shit OMG he hated the nails Dan got.

09:38: dans precious little selfies

09:44 also who tf is that that does not look like Dan

09:52 wtf do you mean that they had the same weird Swedish bakery???? 10 years apart???? WHAT THE HELL??????

10:35 fuckin nerds ft cute ft selfie

10:52 Dan in Phil’s glasses hi what the fuck? Precious. Phil loves to take photos of Dan sleeping.

11:02 jump. Scare.

11:28 PHIL CALLED HIS MOM. NURSE LESTER.

12:11 Dan stalking the ring doorbell is not something I expected?

12:20 glad to know Phil and I share that we can’t hear someone saw our name bc it’s too intimate

13:16 ordering a roast dinner is so cute idk why

13:35 jump. Scare.

14:26 I hate them :( i so long for what they have

15:04 they didn’t see death note the musical!! Haters!!!!

15:20 HOT

16:00 Phil papping Dan>>>>>>

16:20 I rewatched this part so many times. Thsi entire sequence. This whole. Dare i say SCENE. Disgustingly familiar. Disgustingly cute. I- karaoke game???? What??? It was for them

17:06 omatone :(

18:22 hot? Worrying? Hmm???

18:45 Phil is so dramatic I love him

19:01 genre to dinner? I don’t get them

19:10 DAAAAAN AHHHHH

19:20 SCRIPTS AH???????3@2/9/@/9@22929 more writer Dan

20:17 this is so familiar

20:50 this has “would you still love me if I was a worm” energy? Can’t explain

22:53 “we dan and phil-ed it” we have to steal that! Asap’

23:24 when Dan sits up he is soooo much taller than Phil but he constantly slumps down and looks up to Phil. It’s very cute to watch.

24:30 oh they are fully embracing the joint channel and slowly moving away from gaming and honestly. I’m alright with it. They look so happy

Guys this was too much. So I just started reading fanfic and these conversations were right out of what I’ve been reading which is very odd tbh? But we were fed. This was amazing content and I can’t wait to see what the writers do with this. Cheers

[starluvsx]

★𝐎𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐚

Chris sturniolo x fem!reader

Proofread:Yupp

Word count:559

WARNINGS:nothing!

A/N:this is pt2 of love birds so if you haven’t read that then you should bc it’s like the set ip for this, also it’s just rlly cute so yea.btw I’m working on the pt2 for ‘jealous girl’ I swear, I just don’t know how to end it rlly😭

𖦹 𖦹

“Jesus it’s cold as fuck in here, can someone turn the heat on” I asked once I got in my seat.i don’t even know how the two boys were in here for so long.it was like 30 degrees.Boston winters are too much sometimes

“Nah cause the heaters super loud and the camera will probably pick it up.”Matt responded as he set up the camera in question.I didn’t want to be rude so I just nodded and opened my phone to answer some snaps while Matt placed the camera on the dashboard and went outside to check if we were in focus.

“You can have my hoodie, I don’t really need it.”Chris suggested, probably not realizing the camera was on.before I could even answer he was taking his sweatshirt off and passing it back to me.

I thanked him as I slid it on.the smell of cologne hit my nose almost immediately. “Cold as fuck out there jeez”Matt huffed as he got back into the car.

“It’s not that bad”Nick, who was decked out in warm clothing, responded.

It had been about 5 minutes now and I realized that I hadn’t opened either one of my drinks yet.when I was in the store I didn’t realize that the Fanta I had picked up was in a can,meaning I couldn’t open it due to my nails.

“Matt, can you open this?'' I asked over Chris and Nick bickering back and forth about if dogs were really dumb or not.normally I would’ve turned to my right and just asked Nick but I didn’t want to interrupt this sibling bonding moment he was having.

Matt didn’t respond in words.only showing me his freshly painted nails which were black and white.there was no use in asking Nick seeing as he was knee deep in his run-on sentence at the moment.

Chris, who was actively making fun of his brother, was my last option. Just as he was about to yell back at Nick I tapped his shoulder.halting his sentence.he turned his head back to look at me.

“Can you open this for me”I said in a regular tone in contrast to everyone else in the car.his face softened once he saw me.his hyper,loud personality dropped as he answered my question.

“Yea sure”he said in a normal voice as well.his actions were simple.he grabbed the can, popped it open and then handed it back to me.such small,basic movements but charming nonetheless.

We were now on the outro.Matt had grabbed the camera and turned it towards Chris, expecting him to do something weird like he always does.but instead of that he was turned around again,talking to me.

“Did you do something new with your hair,it looks nice.''was all he said.no more than 15 words but enough to turn me a flushed color.

The look in his pale eyes was genuine.not a glimpse of anything but the truth in them.something I wasn’t used to with him.we would make fun of each other constantly.compliments either way we’re weird.maybe if he saw how I felt for him and we became something more they wouldn’t be as rare as they were right now.

[bluesturniolo333]

Sturniolo Q&A 💜💙💛

1. how long have you been watching them?

- i obviously saw all the iconic(k) clips on tiktok and was like “omfg who are these guys” in like late 2021, but i didn’t start watching them like repeatedly until mid 2022. probs around june.

2. are you a matt, nick, or chris girl/boy?

- i am a very proud matt girl :)

3. what’s your favorite car video?

- definitely either “the magic 8 ball told us to make this” or “Don’t be a try hard at laser tag !”

4. what’s your favorite vlog?

- i love love loveeee the yoga challenge one they did with alahna

5. have you ever met them?

- no, i have not. and i don’t know if ill ever want to tbh. too intimidating lol

6. did you go to any tours?

- nope. i tried to go see them in nashville but the tickets sold out in less than 5 minutes LMAO

7. are you an editor/artist?

- no, but i did just start writing a fic…

8. who’s your favorite friend of theirs?

- obviously nate bc look at him. no im kidding but he’s very funny and they’ve all been friends for ages so that’s sweet. BUT i also loveeee larray. like they just all seem to have a lot of fun together, and i really admire the genuineness of their content together.

9. who do you relate to the most?

- depends. i have almost crippling social anxiety. not so much that i can’t talk to a group of people or do a class presentation (i actually love public speaking) but more so im constantly afraid of being harmed or being stalked in public (ex. i hate movie theaters and malls). so i guess in a mental stand point, i relate mostly to matt. however, i am a very out-going talkative person. i don’t give a FUCK what other people think. i also listen to hella trap music. therefore, i find that i most like chris in those senses. but as a whole, im probs most similar to chris lol.

10. what’s your rituals for watching their videos?

- i have no idea tbh. i just watch them whenever i have free time !

11. what’s your favorite podcast episode?

- i love the one they did with justin for the christmas special but i also really love the injury one !

12. have you ever been noticed?

- not that i know of haha

13. do you own any merch?

- yes! i have a green LETS TRIP shirt and a white sturniolo shirt.

14. do you own any fresh love?

- yes! i have the brown hoodie and the pink shirt !

15. what’s your favorite nick quote?

the whole fucking squeal he did about pancakes and shit. that video still cracks me up to this day.

16. what’s your favorite matt quote?

- “if you’re clumsy, you’re falling into that”

17. “what’s your favorite chris quote?”

- “NOOOOOOO. we have a hibachi spoon”

18. do you play fortnite?

- lol no. i’ve never even attempted

19. do you listen to trilly, elmer, or skies?

- i FUCKING love skies. but i only know a few of tril’s songs. and i only know “miss me” by elmer lolz

20. what do you love most about them?

- they’re real as fuck.

THATS IT LOVE YOU ALL BYEEEE

xoxo - blue :)

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

Oh My god I love the PJO show! I know they tweaked a bit of the storyline but to me it was still so so good. (Keeping it vague in case you haven't seen it). And the casting was 👨‍🍳💋 (Chef's kiss, but emoji form 😂). I *think* I successfully turned my asks on now if you wanna squeal into the void with me, or rant about changes. Either is fine.

Also.... I tried sending the following story in as an ask a while ago but it got lost to the void and I originally didn't wanna retype it all, but decided to anyway for you, so enjoy the story of why my grandma had a slight beef with RR himself. (Just a warning, it's kinda long bc I don't know how to compress my ramblings, and I also don't remember how I wrote it the first time. Plus, my original submission was before I found out it was totaled and now have to make an extra $300 monthly payment bc of my recklessness. And final FYI, I'm 99% satirical when I say she has beef. I don't *think* she remembers saying this but who knows 🤷‍♀️. I'll just avoid grandma and RR in the same room to avoid the 1% chance 😂

Ok, so on Sept. 28th, 2023, I was going to the Chalice of the Gods book tour in Houston. I had to go straight from work, pick up my younger cousins, and then head to the venue which was like 15 minutes away from their house, but bc I had dealt with Houston traffic getting home we would've gotten there right after 5. OK, no problem. EXCEPT I'm a dumb-dumb who did a really stupid thing and caused a wreck right before we got there (within sight of the venue), but luckily, no injuries were caused to either party. My car ended up being totaled out a week later, and I'm assuming the other car was, too, bc their airbags deployed. I felt so horrible and guilty, and my mom had to come get us, and we ended up missing the entire presentation. (Again - my fault). We did stop by the venue, though, to try and get the "goodie bag" (signed book, shirt, and reusable bag). On the way into the venue, my mom took us to the back way bc it was at my cousin's school and she knew a shortcut. As we were getting out of the car, there was a black SUV in front of us that had just had the occupants enter, and a school officer/HPD officer was walking away back towards the building. The side windows were tinted but the brief glance I got at the front windshield looked like Rick himself, along with Becky and some other people (probably the publisher and driver and whoever else). Anyway, they were trying not to be noticed, and SO WAS I bc I was still processing the wreck and randomly crying again everytime I stopped, so I didn't try to bring attention to him or ourselves. We got in right as the presentation ended and the hallway starts filling up with people and we have to navigate to get our books and stuff. I got a hug from the bookshop employees after explaining what's happening, and then we left. We get home, and I'm talking to my grandma and mentioning about how I possibly saw the author IN HIS CAR ND she goes "well the least he could've done was given you a hug and said sorry you missed it" I was like "I don't think he noticed us" and she said "well still..." (I tried explaining that not everyone who went stayed for the presentation, some people just get the goodie bag and leave (also like the other car I hit) but that still wasn't a good reason for my grandma.

This is so oooold omgggg I am sorry orz I watched the whole show too, and casting was definitely top tier. I really like the main trio, they had really good chemistry together, and Walker has the Percy "why me?" look down soooooo well, we love that XD But all three of them were so good (and don't get me started on Hades, what a freaking legend, absolutely phenom casting on that front lol)

I will admit I was kind of miffed about some of the changes though. Like, why did Grover stay behind during the whole getting the scarf mission, except it wasn't a scarf it was Ares' shield? I don't remember. But like, we didn't learn about Annabeth's fear of spiders or see the flying shoes in action, so??? And also Annabeth peacing out early in the Underworld, why was that necessary? ;~; Idk, overall I did like it and I had fun watching it, but some changes I was kind of confused on because they felt like changes used just to split up the cast and without any real purpose. Buuuut I'm nitpicking lol.

I AM SORRYYYYYY your other ask did come through, I was just not on Tumblr for like, ever. I am sorry orz and I'm sorry your car did end up being totalled :( I had said in the other message that I hoped your car ended up being okay, but it sounds like it wasn't and I am super sorry to hear that :( Hopefully things have calmed down (a year later ahaha |D) and you're doing better since that ordeal ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[godblessyoublackemperor]

stratford on avon travelogue aka benny's really good super nice day (part 1 of 2)

IIIIIII decided to go to stratford on avon today bc i've been meaning to go for a while and I've got this week off (birthday tomorrowwwww) - cham was gonna come too but had a bit too much work so it was just me, and I was slightly apprehensive about that but i actually had an incredible day and I'm going to tell you all about it RIGHT NOW

I left the house at noonish, its a roughly 45min drive from worcester and the drive was actually really nice, all relatively fast b roads/country lanes. I didn't really have a plan for the day other than just walk around, maybe see some shakespeare shit, otherwise just see my little lizard brain took me, so I just set the sat nav for "stratford on avon" and set off. When i got to the town outskirts i immediately saw signs for anne hathaway's cottage so i was like "yeah aight" and turned off, went down some cute semi-rural residential streets and arrived in a nice green leafy neighbourhood with a nearly deserted car park (no bank holiday today in the uk, we have it next monday). I noticed the minimum stay was 3 hrs so i was like hmmmmm and then when i got to the cottage it turns out you can buy a ticket that gets you into all three shakespeare places (anne's cottage, his birthplace, his new place) so I was like hmmmmmmmmmmm *a plan is forming*.

watch out 🐊

I wandered round the orchard/outsidey bits (a little sculpture/statue trail of shakepeare-y stuff) and did a very speedrun-y tour of the cottage itself - I wasn't super invested or bothered about Learning I just felt like being a tourist and it was honestly super fun to just be like no thanks i don't want any information :) i'll just walk around :)

falstaff's belley, also bees

it's nice she could afford such a cool place, she was good in interstellar

After maybe less than hour I emerged from ann hathaway's cottage and by that time the plan had cemented - I was going to go and see how many of shakespeare's three cribs I could see in a day. I didn't actually need to do this because the ticket is valid for a year but it felt like a fun little goal. I also noted there was a handy signposted route into the town centre so I opted to leave the car there and walk - I both did and didn't regret this decision later.

The walk into town was mostly along a long straight boring road but I did see a cool graveyard and a euphemistically named "SCULPTORS" workshop not far away. The walk in total was probably about 15-20 mins but it felt a bit longer, i eventually got bored and wandered off down a side road and finally got spat out of the sleepy residential streets just in front of Holy Trinity church:

(i didn't know that was what it was immediately, again fully did not plan or research anything beforehand, anyway it is apparently a Landmark so, great 👍)

From here it was a short walk along the river, and by that point i was falling slightly in love with the place already - the weather was just sunny enough, it wasn't too busy, people were boating on the river, there were swans and geese everywhere. After a few minutes I saw these and my original plan to visit some dead bloke's houses sort of got back burnered:

When I saw the boats for hire sign my little lizard brain immediately decided it wanted nothing more in the whole wide world than to go on a little boat on the river avon. I thought "yeah aight" and wondered off to find the actual hire point, these were just moored here and the wasn't anyone actually around to hire them out to me.

on the way i went past some big theatre place? i think it was something to with the dead bloke, idk i was thinking about boats.

a couple more minutes of boat focused wandering brought me to the boathouse (on the right^) which was deserted except for the staff who were all sitting on the veranda eating hula hoops. they seemed mildly surprised that i wanted to hire a boat, and explained that they only electric motorboats for hire that day. I had already seen the sign advertising the option between analogue and electric and i was like "yeah aight", so i paid the man and hopped aboard. I was given a brief how-to, and here i should maybe explain I have not been on any kind of boat in a very long time, my experience extends to heavily supervised rowing on a canal as a kid and one (1) time having a brief go at the wheel of a motorboat on a scottish loch when i was 13ish. None of this really swayed or discouraged me however, so consumed was i with the lizard brain instruction to Go on A Boat. I gamely took in the safety briefing which amounted to lever forward go faster, lever back go slower/reverse, turn to wheel to steer, dont fall in (I'll try not to, i responded cheerily, like a real adult), and I was on my way.

aboard the good ship "number 27"

it took me a couple of minutes to get the hang of the steering, but its top speed wasn't too fast and it actually handled really nicely and responsively so the learning curve wasn't too steep, and pretty soon I was whirring happly along

On the return leg I was just working out how to correct after my big u turn (i only had the boat for 30 mins and was only allowed on a short section of the river) when i spotted something odd and brown on the near side of the riverbank and i was like, is that a fucking otter, and lads IT WAS AN OTTER

i look really unexcited here bc i'm trying operate a phone camera at the same time as controlling an unfamiliar vehicle, and trying not to plough said vehicle into said otter. the otter looks really unexcited here bc im just a twat in a boat and it sees those all the time.

The rest of my journey was uneventful but very pleasant, once i got the hang it was a very relaxing and centering activity and i will definitely be back. I brought the boat back right side up and with me still dry and in it, which the dudes at the boat hire seemed pretty happy about, and they were even happier when i showed them the video of the otter.

From here I sort of just wandered around a bit more? By now it was approaching 4 o'clock and S on A is apparently one of those towns where everything shuts down from like 4 to 5, so it was pretty quiet. I wandered up the high street, wandered into a hi fi store, gawked at some turntables, wandered into a weird little "vintage store", took a picture of a tuba, left, wandered around a bit more, and then walked past a japanese restaurant and stopped and was like hmmmmmmmm.

bonus toilet selfie bc i was feeling myself this day.

It wasn't opening until 5 but i now had a plan formed (completely forgotten about the dead guy's digs by now). I wandered back towards the river, found a gelato place, got gelato (elderflower, battenberg and salted caramel, don't question me), and went and ate the gelato with my legs dangling off the steps by the river OH NO I HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT OK PART 1 OF 2 I GUESS

[harryconcepts]

part 77

I can't stop thinking about blue collar harry omg like he's out working hard all day and he comes in and gives you a little kiss but he's sweaty so he doesn't want to let you get too close so he goes to shower and you join him 😵‍💫 definitely very "my pretty little wife, so sweet to me" giving you kisses under the warm water 😵‍💫 definitely some touching bc you both get worked up 😵‍💫 afterwards he tells you to get dressed cause he's taking you out 😵‍💫 he watches you get ready and once you spray your perfume on he can't help but give you a few kisses on your neck he just loves it 😵‍💫 and he was raised right so he's always holding doors and carrying your purse and escorting you with a hand on your lower back 😵‍💫 he never lets you pay for anything and it's clear money isn't an issue for him 😵‍💫 sometimes he's sore after a long day so you give him a little massage and he always makes it clear to you how grateful he is 😵‍💫🤕

harry getting a little stern with you 😋 being in a bad mood for whatever reason and you've been snapping at him all day, finally he grabs your jaw to make you look at him and he says "that's enough, you don't get to be mean to me when i haven't done anything wrong" and he doesn't let go until you tell him what's wrong and why youre in such a mood 😋

aster when his angel takes a nap at his house ☹️ she's soooo tired after class so she just goes there and crashes in his bed and when he comes home from work he finds her all cuddled up with the stuffed animal she keeps there ☹️ he wakes her up so gently bc it's time for supper and he's kissing her forehead to be soft and not startle her ☹️ when she sits up a little he sees her mascara is smudged everywhere and he can't help but smile and say "you had a good nap, hm?" running his finger over the black smudged under her eyes ☹️ she nods and cuddles into his chest bc she's not awake yet ☹️ he hugs her close and kisses her head saying "just wanna sit for a while baby?" and she lets out a little "mhm" and he reaches over to grab her bunny and tuck it into her arms again ☹️🤕

he is soooo convincing saying "i actually just bought a spare toothbrush and that special coffee you like 😁 oh and did I mention it's going to be cold in the morning? maybe even a little icy and I know you hate walking to class when it's icy 🤨 but i actually have a car so there's that! and also i know you hate going out after you've gotten settled for the night and you do seem very comfy in bed here so maybe it's best if you just stay 😁"

please he would go to every appointment with you 😔 he hates that you're hurting and not feeling well but he tries to stay positive and say "it's gonna be okay, they'll figure something out" and he would ofc go with you to get a treat after to make you smile 😔

okay I have a period tracker app and there's these little sex/women's health articles that come up a lot on there and I just saw one that was like ideas for foreplay 🤭 and the first one was called the 20 minute challenge where you set a timer for 20 minutes and you and your partner are allowed to do anything except touch down there 🤭anyways u know who I'm thinking about and i fear he would love it 🤭

riding harry for the first time on grammy night 🫶🏻 usually he's on top and kind of sets the pace but you're just feeling feral after seeing him so sexy all night so you push him down on the bed and straddle him 🫶🏻 he's surprised but definitely okay with it when you go for his belt buckle 😋

texting sneaky linkrry a short and sweet little congratulations text after his win and you don't rlly expect a response bc you know he's out celebrating but he texts back less than 5 minutes later thanking you and asking if you'd like to celebrate with him 😁 you think he has a big group together but when you get there it's really intimate maybe like 10-15 people and you're surprised he invited you and you're feeling a little awkward but he's running up to you and giving you a huge kiss on the cheek clearly very drunkie 😁 you're blushing bc you didn't think he wanted people to know you're kind of a thing but he's all over you all night 😁 a few people leave and you get worried thinking he's just too nice to ask you to leave but he keeps giving you drinks and any time you say "you've had a long day are you sure you don't want me to-" he just shushes you and asks you questions to distract you from leaving 😁soon you're the only person left and he's all "i thought they'd never leave" and he's coming to give you a proper kiss for the first time all night 😁 definitely some very tipsy and filthy sex later but for now he just wants a kiss 😁

PLEAAAAASE BEING HIS NORMAL NOT FAMOUS GF AND TOO NERVOUS TO BE IN THE CROWD AND HAVE EVERYONE KNOW YOU and he totally understands and never wants to push you so he lets you know it's totally okay for you to hide out backstage 🥹 and afterwards he's immediately running to you giving you the biggest hug nearly crushing you but neither of you care 🥹 he's basically giddy saying "I can't believe- I didn't think i would actually-" and he cuts himself off bc he can't wait to kiss you 🥹

the fact that harry does a lot of strength and resistance training and he gets so bulky all over his body.... thinking about watching him do pull ups or literally anything else and you're basically drooling just staring at him... he definitely gets all smirky when he realizes you're watching and he blows you a little kiss before he keeps going..... horny

yes i just sent something soft but I'm a whore first and foremost so here we are! the thought of gentle mocking truly never leaves my mind like..... it just fits so well in so many situations..... when you're sitting on his lap making out with him and you start to rock your hips on his bc you're already dripping and he grips your sides to stop you and says "that desperate for me already baby? haven't even touched you yet" and forcing you to look in his eyes even when you're blushing trying to look down 🤭 i can feel very much him saying "that's okay, I know your pussy is always just so sensitive for me, hm? she's always so needy" and making you admit to it before he'll give you anything more 🤭 he loves edging you over and over until there's tears in your eyes and then he pouts at you while he thumbs them away and says "poor baby, it's just so much hm? just want to cum so bad don't you" and you nod hoping he'll be nice and let you but he just pouts even more and says "that's too bad, I'm not ready to let you cum yet" and he smiles when that only makes you whine more 🤭 and when he's had you cumming so many times it almost hurts and you're grabbing at his hands to stop him from touching he's just all "oh is it too much for you? thought you wanted to cum so bad, what happened to that?" and you're sooo pouty saying "too sensitive ☹️" and he brushes his thumb over your lip saying "put that away, good girls don't pout" 🤭 and he's so close to you crowding your space saying "you're gonna give me a few more, kay baby? I'll be gentle though, i promise" and his voice is soooo condescending and mocking 🤭 he kisses back down and he's trying to be a little bit nice and leave your clit alone for a while but his nose still bumps it every time he moves and his tongue is really not giving you any time to calm down 🤭 he just does whatever he wants and he's a little mean sometines I'm so ferally horny 🤭🤕

actually I think maybe you wouldn't do it tonight bc you're both tired and drunk and just in shock but you fall asleep together and wake up around noon tmrw and it's so on bc it's sinking in that he is now a 4 time Grammy winner and that's your man 😋😋😋

going to plugrry for some gummies on your first valentine's day after breaking up w your bf. he doesn't know you broke up so he's all "no hot date tonight?" and you kind of look down saying "not so much" and he hears how sad you sound so he looks up, and he kind of can tell by the look on your face what happened and his face gets soft and he says "I'm sorry" and you just shrug and say "so how much today?" but he shakes his head and says "on me, don't worry about it" and you're all "are you sure?" and he says "you're too pretty to be looking so sad on Valentine's day" and that makes you blush but you just look away 😋 he finishes bagging up your stuff and you're feeling brave so you say "and what about you? who's the lucky girl tonight?" and he just laughs a little saying "no actually, this is my busiest day of the year so I don't have time for that today" and you say "ahh of course, all the pathetic lonely girls hit you up all day I bet" and he looks at you with a little frown saying "don't say that" and you shrug saying "it's kind of true" but he says "it's not, not at all" and he goes to give you your stuff but then he stops, you look at him for a second and you're about to ask what's going on but he says "do you want to maybe- you could stay? we could smoke a little, I have food so we could, you know, eat if you wanted?" and he sounds so nervous to be asking but you say you'd love that before he can get too nervous 😌he looks so relieved and he's definitely blushing a little 😌 he says "I'll get some stuff together, wanna pick a movie?" so you go over to the TV and get comfy while you find something to watch and he's very happy to see you making yourself at home 😌 he brings over all the snackies he can find and he looks a little nervous saying "or if there's anything else you want I can order something or-" and you cut him off saying "I'm fine, this is good thanks" 😌 he hands you the blunt and lets you do it first before you pass it back to him and he's not shy about how he's staring at your lips 😌 maybe a little later when you're both a little floaty he asks if you've ever tried shotgunning and ofc he's very willing to show you how it goes 😌the whole night youre just laying around watching dumb shows and eating lots of snacks and you're both so giggly and it gets late and you're tired so you end up staying the night 😌 in the morning you make sure to tell him it was the best valentine's day you've had in a long time 😌

harry loves his chubby gf so much ........ he is obsessed with touching you and how soft you are and he loves squishing your cheeks and how when you wear his shirts they're a little snug he's just so down bad I need him

I get very moody and sometimes mean when i need to eat and I feel like harry would handle that so well 😭😭😭😭😭he would know you're not feeling well so when you snap at him he maybe just raises an eyebrow and says "I'm not going to fight with you when you just need to eat something, we can talk after you have some food" and that makes you more snippy bc everything he says is bugging you at the minute but he gets you something or he would even make you some food even though you're not being nice 😔 he would leave you alone bc he knows you need some space and an hour later you come to him and give him a hug saying "I'm sorry i was so mean to you" and he hugs you back saying "it's okay, feeling better now?" and you nod and thank him for taking care of you 😔🤕

harry would love how warm you get after you take a nap🤕 when you're just sooo tired you tell him you're going to lay down for a bit and he would want to come with you even if he isn't tired 🤕 I think he would wait until you're asleep then he would get up and do some stuff around the house but an hour or so later when you come find him and wrap your arms around him and put your head on his chest bc you're not quite awake yet, he tucks your head under his chin and murmurs "you're so warm" and keeps you close 🤕 then he would say "did you sleep well?" and you nod, he says "that's good" and gives you a kiss on your forehead 🤕

harry waking you up in the morning 😭 he turns your alarm off bc he hates it when it startles you awake he wants to wake you up gently 😔 he gives you lots of kisses and soft little "good mooooorning baby" and you're pushing him away, saying "it's too early" even tho it's nearly 11 and he just smiles and says "even if i made you breakfast?" and you stop, you open one eye to look at him and say "are you lying" and he scoffs acting all offended saying "am i lying 🙄 would i lie to you? about breakfast? is nothing sacred? 🙄" you huff and roll over again saying "if you're gonna be annoying I'm going back to sleep" but he laughs and says "im kidding, I'm not lying I did make you breakfast" but you're still just toooo sleepy so you turn your head and lay down on his chest 😔 you say "i need to sleep some more" and he laughs saying "okay baby you can sleep some more" but a few minutes later he's kissing your face again and he whispers "are you sure you want to keep sleeping because I went out and got you coffee and the ice is melting more and more every second you lay here" he is the most annoying in the mornings I just know it

no no no no him giving you money all the time.... you text him saying "Harold 🙄" and he's all "yes?" acting like he has no idea what you're talking about 😌 you say "stop giving me money" and he's all "what money?" he's such a pest but he just wants to take care of you 😌

harry when you haven't been doing well 😔 he's doing everything he can to help, he cooks meals and helps clean up around the house and he gives you a million hugs if that's what you need 😔 he takes a nap with you whenever you're tired even if he's not, he'll lay down with you for a few hours to make sure you're getting enough sleep 😔he's always letting you know that he's there to talk if you need it but otherwise he'll just be with you and let you know you're not alone 😔

and whenever you're sad 😔 you come to bed one night and just lay on him, resting your head on his chest and not saying anything 😔 he leans down to kiss your head and says "hi baby" and you don't say anything, and he can just tell you're sad 😔 he hugs you tighter saying "it's gonna be okay, i promise" and he doesn't let go 😔

i don't want to think about how feral harry was in the bedroom last night.... he's sooooo high on adrenaline he's shaking and he can't stop smiling and definitely lots of manhandling you bc he's just so wound up and you're both so feral...... he leaves so many love bites bc he wants to mark you up to remind you that youre his.... definitely lots of teasing and edging you and making you beg before he lets you cum bc he gets off so much on you needing him and praising him.... I'm not well I'm going to go get my straitjacket

harry really just .... he loves making you cum .... he loves having you on his lap and making out with you and he loves flipping you over so he can go down on you .... he loves holding your hips to keep you still so he can go to fucking town .... he loves making you cry for him ....... okay ... also he loves fingering you literally so much.... he loves laying kind of halfway on top of you so he can still kiss you while he reaches down.... he loves getting you so wet with gentle touching so that when he finally tries to slip his fingers in it's so easy..... he loves being at the angle where his palm presses on your clit while his fingers work ...... he loves kissing you while you cum so he can feel you moan into his mouth .... okay ... and he loves hearing you beg.... when he's been teasing you and keeping you on the edge for way too long and you're so impatient he gets all smirky and says "beg me for it" ....... he slows down and refuses to give you anything more until you beg sweetly enough...... he wants to hear "please, I need you to let me- please" he just gets off on hearing you beg..... okay

harry also loves edging you until you're actually crying bc you're so worked up and frustrated then he pouts at you and wipes the tears away saying "poor thing, let me make it better" and making you cum until you see stars 👍🏻

DO NOT think about harry lifting you up and putting you on his lap so he can have you close and give you some kisses

whenever older h is feeling mean he makes pretty girl ride his thigh and he refuses to touch her 🤭 he's all "oh yeah? if you're so desperate then you can get off just like that, you don't need my help" 🤭🤭🤭🤕

flying in to surprise harry at the birthday show 🥹 you tried so so so hard to get there on time but it just didn't work out and you get there when it's mostly over. then you're waiting backstage and on the last song he catches a glimpse of you and does the biggest double take and when he realizes it's really you waving at him he breaks into the biggest grin anyone's seen all night 🥹 after he's immediately running into your arms and pulling you to his dressing room saying "i can't believe you're here" kissing you all over bc he missed you 🥹 you tell him happy birthday a million times and he's smiling so big and he's just so full of joy 🥹🥹🥹 later you're laying together and his head is on your chest and he says "you made my birthday wish come true" and he pulls you a little closer 🥹

harry wouldn't let you cheat he would make you break up w your bf first before he touches you and idk why but that makes me horny 😵‍💫no because you sitting on his lap with his hands on your hips ... whining bc you want to kiss him so bad ..... but he just turns his head and says "I told you we're not doing anything until you break up with him, so did you break up with him yet?" and you whine out a no and he says "then I guess we're just sitting on the couch, aren't we?" 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫youre trying to kiss him but he says "mm mm, I don't want to be yours until you can be all mine"

harry who has a huge crush on you invites you to his birthday show and he invites your bf too bc he's trying to be nice, your bf says no bc he can't stand harry but you tell him you're still going bc he's your friend 😋 harry ofc invites you backstage afterwards for the little celebration and he "accidentally" arranges things so you'll be sitting next to him 😋 when he gets a little drunkie he gets touchy with everyone but esp you bc you're such close friends 😋 at one point he plants a big kiss on your cheek and you're both giggling and soon you're basically on his lap and you're sooo close 😋 he feeds you a little bites of cake and someone gets a picture of you all cuddled together laughing and it gets posted on someone's private story and your bf sees it 😋 he gets soooooo mad and Harry's all "hm... that's too bad isn't it.... well I have some leftover cake so if you want to come over...." 😋😋😋😋😋

I have never been sane once in my life so I'm thinking about overstim 🥰 idek which of your harry i like the idea most with but probably aster bc he's so soft but also very filthy 🥰 anyways she gets a little overwhelmed and starts trying to squirm away from his hands and his tongue but he just grips her thighs and pulls her back down the bed to him 🥰 he says "you're not going anywhere until I'm done with you" and she lets out a pathetic little cry when he starts mouthing at her clit again 🥰🤕

[astrobei]

The end of the year is near. Give a shout-out to your favorite mutuals and tag them to spread love before the year ends! (from: a secret anon)

ohhhh my god ok ok i wish i could tag every single person i am technically mutuals with because i adore every single one of you and your blogs so much !! unfortunately if i did that you’d probably be here scrolling through this post well into the new year, so. this is by no means an exhaustive list!!

@elekinetic ELLA !! you were one of the first blogs i ever followed on st tumblr when i joined and i immediately. IMMEDIATELY. fell so in love with your scripts and your writing! you so are so insanely talented and such a backbone of byler tumblr and i can’t believe we get all of ur content for free. for FREE!! and not only are u insanely talented but somehow u are also so funny and one of the sweetest people i’ve ever and ur taste in everything from music to books is so immaculate. will never get over u dming me just to scream at me ABOUT me which seriously makes my day every time it happens and i’ll never EVER get sick of talking to you! ella i love you so much and i’m so glad we started talking this year!! i hope 2022 has nothing but the best of the best in store for you <3

abby @strangeswift HELLO ! every time i see ur url in my notifs i visibly light up i stg you are so precious to me <3 ur love for not all the prayers is singlehandedly sustaining me, and i’m so touched that long car rides have unofficially been dedicated to reading my fics. you are such a breath of fresh air and getting an ask from you is always the highlight of my day. you make me laugh you make me smile like an idiot at the tumblr app on my phone you are just so!!! PRECIOUS 2 ME!! i love your blog so much and i can’t wait to bother u so much in the new year !!

sierra aka THE @finalgirlbyers aka THE byler blog of all time !! sierra there’s just something in ur posts that’s like straight crack i stg i just need more and more and more and more every time! in my mind u will always be sierra loveqbrl madcleradin finalgirlbyers ft that one period of 15 minutes where u had ur secret username that just so happened to coincide with me running my tumblr stats website thing and u being immortalized as that forever in my phone. because apparently i reblog from u more than anyone else which YEAH. AS I SHOULD. as everyone should!!! sierra u are so fucking funny and your urls are just one of those that are so comforting to see in my notifs. one day we will have an actual conversation because i am so bad at dms but i could try and make an exception for u <3 love u so much sierra love bbq i hope 2023 is so good to u !!

@toystoryfan HI TOY! u are so important to me i hope u know that omg u are so sweet and so uplifting and i can’t believe i wasn’t following u before but i love your blog so much ! u have such a comforting presence and i love reading through ur tags and every time i get an ask or a reply from you i get so excited! thank u for being such a positive shining force, with me and all of my mutuals too, it’s so so so appreciated <3 i adore you so much and i hope the new year has nothing but good things to offer u !!

@wibble-wobbegong hiiiii wibble ! i hope u know that every time i see ur blog i am just picking it up and holding it so carefully in my hands. i think i also followed u pretty early on into my tumblr adventures (or at least i saw ur url everywhere bc everyone i followed rb’d from u !) so in my head ur like. an og byler tumblr blog. u are so so sweet and i will never forget u referring to me (in the context of how intimidating i am) as “just some guy” because it’s SO TRUE!! i AM just some guy! anyways. just know that i adore you and your blog is so so incredibly precious to me ! love reading ur tags love reading ur posts u are so correct all the time and ur icon is. well. iconic. love u wibble i hope u get one million followers in 2023 bc u deserve it fr

last but certainly not least— irene aka THE @byeler hello !! i know we haven’t spoken one on one all that much and i’m terrible with responding to dms anyway but . ohhhh my god i have been a little obsessed with you ever since i got twitter sjdksjf in a very normal and sane way i promise ! irene you are so sweet and kind and supportive and so insanely down to earth for literally being THE beansie! i’m so in love with your writing and it’s no secret how much i yelled and screamed into the pillow when i read i’ll find myself in the moonlight 😭 had to sit down and just. Think. i just started heavy hopes and. god. GOD!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH. !!!!!! anyways i freak out a little every time i see ur name in the notifs but u are so lovely and approachable u make everyone feel so at ease and i treasure every interaction we have! thank u for ur mile long list of reddie fic recs, i’ve been making my way through them for the past week and ur taste in fics is just as incredible as ur writing <3 hope u have a wonderful new year irene i love u much !!

[basketofvoilets]

my comedic car wreck and hospital visit in chronological order (so i don’t forget)

1. i’m driving home from work (alone, thankfully) and i REALLY have to poop

2. suddenly i get t-boned right on my door, the car goes flying across the highway until i got control of the wheel (tip: put your car in park as soon as you can. that’s the first thing my mom taught me when i learned how to drive)

3. the airbag hit the left side of my head with such ferocity that it brought me out of my shocked state and back into reality. thankfully i got the worst of the impact & i was the only one “injured” (i use air quotes bc i have minor injuries, just keep reading)

4. i got the car stopped and at this point i am FACING oncoming traffic and i’m NOSE TO NOSE with the cars behind me. i am certain they will forever be haunted by the look of panic on my face. literally the first thing i did was call my mom and i am violently trembling but somehow i didn’t cry at any point

5. ppl started getting out of their cars to help me and the 3 other cars (southern hospitality) and some kind stranger had to coax me out of the passenger side of my car like a scared animal

6. luckily my mom was in town so she was like 10 minutes away. so i called my gf like heyyyyyyy i’m alive! as soon as i checked my phone my friends were texting me asking if i was okay bc they SAW me standing next to my beloved crashed car. HUMILIATING!!!!

7. i started talking to the passenger of the car that started the accident & he was like going around making sure everyone was okay (he was very nice)

8. when my mom showed up i almost fell to my knees. i literally have the best mom. the first responders show up and the firemen move my car out of the middle of the road bc there was no way in hell i was getting back in there.

9. all the cars get moved to a parking lot nearby and somehow i find myself hugging the lady who hit my car (she was also very nice and had a very cute toddler)

10. guys. i fucking love my car. she is the most perfect little car in the world and i’m so sad. i hope she is repairable💔the tow truck shows up and im like….. but :(((

11. we talk to police n stuff & we leave so i can go home to change and POOP before we go to the hospital

12. i get home, hug and kiss my gf, and poop

13. i get to the e.r with my mom and we get called back almost instantly & girl. that little hospital bed was comfy. they start asking me questions & i could tell they were entertained by my dry delivery of the previous events.

14. they give me muscle relaxers and ibuprofen, and the muscle relaxers IMMEDIATELY kick in bc i’m a lightweight

15. a nurse with a really cool traditional tattoo sleeve takes me back for x rays in a wheelchair and i was embarrassed bc i can walk and i felt like i was being dramatic despite it being hospital protocol

16. the nurse was really cool and he seemed to think my lightly sedated state was entertaining. the funny thing abt this guy is that he saw the car wreck while he was going to work and he was like well i’ll see y’all later. i told him i was the one standing on the side of the road like an idiot

17. they discharge me & say i sprained my neck & have a bruise on my head. bitch i got thrown across a highway and all i got was a sprained neck???? incredible

18. my mom and i went to waffle house and i embarrassed myself so bad trying to order bc i just could not. make words happen. at all. i ate more in one sitting than i do in a week and it was so fucking delicious that i don’t even feel guilty

19. so basically i’m fine but i was warned that the next few days i’ll feel like HELL. good thing i just bought vodka. i’m so glad everyone else is okay💕💕 but i am so sad about my car :(( and i hope the girl that hit me can forgive herself :( i stand by the fact that toyota corollas are the best cars. drive safe y’all

[fartquen12]

can i have a zhongli x reader where he makes a tea out of his gf's caca to show his gf he loves her pls and tanks <3333333

Valentines dokie dookie tea ft. john stamos

ALSO HUGE SHOUTOUT TO @itsthemickeymousecrackhouse FOR BEING THE BEST SUPPORTER

TRIGGER WARNINGS: dookie, Fart, Nonconsenstual stealing poop, tea, dookie tea, zhongli being my version of zhongli, y/n, bl00d, cringe, she her prns (y/n), valentines day. (will defenitly offend you if you are a mini ravi/kyle)

*RING RING* "oh fuc- OWWAA" I screeched as I fell out of bed. *RING RING* I slammed my hand down on the alarm to shut it off. "goddamn." I said almost silently. I got up off the floor and made my bed. Thats when I realised it was valentines day! I have a date with zhongli and I look like a poop riden child! I ran to the bathroom and took a cold shower. It was so cold I literally sharted. After that I went to my closet to look for some nice clothes since our date was in 1 hour. I saw this brown and black and white box print dress in my closet. I wore it because I wanted to loook like i havent changed since the easter event. I went to the bathroom and did my makeup. Brown lipgloss. pink and red eyeshadow with a bit of brown and purple to make it look like i have a disease and pink eye (dookie in eye dont be an asspiker). I did some mascara and lots of hot pink blush so i can look dead. highliter on my nose eye corner cheeks eyes and a lil on my buhol.I ran to the front door and put on my ninja turdl socks and my paw patrol shoes. I opened my front door and locked up after i left. I got into my adorbs car. My car is a red car it is 4 ft tall and 3 ft in legnth. It has orange flames on the side and black stripes. I got in and started blasting... "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" and I have a billy fartgrove funkpop in my window aswell as vecnas bumhole printed on my lisence plate. My windows are fully tinted so no one can see me and I have a student driver sticker on the back of my car!

I buckled myself into my booster seat bc even though I am 18 I am 3'4 uWu. I looked at myself in the mirror and winked. I quickly backed out of my driveway. As i drove out of my trailer park I saw eddie munson twerking at me. I thought that was nasty. I worridly drived because my date starts in 15 minutes and it takes 1 hour to drive to the resturant he said to go to. Its called "dilucs tavern" anyways I drove at 200 miles per hour on the free way and i do not know why everyone honks at me. I rolled down my window and said "FUK U". I mean it is the "free" way right? anyway i drove and drove and after about 45 minutes i arrived. I saw the man from tinder crying through the window at an empty table. I quickly got out of my car and locked it. The sound to make sure I locked isssss..... *fart* Perfect. I walked into dilucs tavern and i was greeted by the man. "OH! Y/n so good to see you!" The man said. "Yeah! I'm so sorry I was late I um..... uh. I got stuck in.. traffic yeah." I said hoping he wouldnt realise my fatass actually slept through the 50 alarms i set. He smiled at me and handed me a menu. As I read through the menu I decided on "fart lard and turkey" from the menu. The waiter then asked me what I would like to drink "Hmmm. I will take a finger lickin poopy ass dookie as potatoe ass green dookie fart penis poop salad beer!" I replied. "Good choice!" the waiter said smiling. It was silent for about 3 minutes. Best 3 minutes of my life. "So uh. What do you do for work?" The man across me asked. "oh! uhm. uh.... well i- um i-." i didnt exactly know what to say. "Its okay if you cant tell me." he said looking quite sad. "No! Its fine! I'm a..... well um.... i clean poop out of old peoples butts at scaramouchers nursing home..." I said. I tried to scan his expression for any thoughts of strangeness but the man didnt say anything. He smiled. "I wish I had your job!" the man said. I laughed assuming he was joking. it was silent for a while till i decided to speak up. "you have any kids? and pets?" I said awkwardly. "Oh no! You know me I hate kids haha." the man said. I stared at him agressivly for a second because I have 10 p named children at home. I just laughed. he looked at me weird but then the waiter gave us our food and drinks.

"Thank you!" I said to the waiter. He looked.... fimiliar. wait. I stood up and got in his face. I pulled his face mask off as he said "MAAM PLEASE DUE TO COVID STAY SIX FEET AND DONT TOUCH ME!!!!" i paused.... "Y/n????!!!" The waiter said angrily! "XIAO????" I said even more angrily "OH FUK YOU" The xiao said to me. "YOUR GONNA GET IT NOW BITCH!!! I SCREAMED! "WTF!!!!" zhomgli said standing up now recording this.. "YEAH TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!!" some random man said from across the bar. I locked myself in the bathroom. I came out covered in blood. "WHERES THAT MAN!!" said zhongli. "I juST KiLled mY eX." i said zhongli threw something in my face it was a brown liquid "TF IS THAT!!!!" i screamed. "I STOLE POOP FROM YOUR SHOWER AND MADE IT INTO TEA BC IM LITERALLY YANDERE FOR YOU DADDDY!" ZHONGLI SHOUTED. "THA FUCCCCC!!!" I yelled "ALSO I KNOW YOUR A BIG FATASS I PUT A CAM IN YOUR BEDRROM AND SAW YOU SLEEP THROUGH 50 ALARMS!" He shouted again. I ran out the bar so fast got in my car locked it and started blasting "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" while driving out of the parking lot i saw eddie munson twerking at me again. "FUK YOU!" I shouted at him. Then he ran faster than the speed of light and jumped on my car denting my ceiling cuz hes so fat and he broke a window and got in with me "BOY WTF!!!!!" I screamed "PULL OVER!!" Eddie yelled. I did as he said. and thats when john stamos himself got in my car and started blastinf Taco farts! I laughed so hard ive never laughed harder in my life. Me and these guyes quirky lil guyes drove off into the sunset and I hope to never see zhongli ever again.

THE END

Also guys tysm for 50 likes! You guys are the best! Make sure to request!

[nathank77]

6/15/24

4:58 p.m Edited/Added to 5:25 p.m

So I slept really well. I mean it took me like 20 minutes or more to fall asleep but I passed out. I stayed asleep until 4:21 p.m.

Last night as I fell asleep the auditory hallucination was really annoying. Saying, "the bussycunt feels." Over and over again. While I listened to American dad. I eventually had to start repeating the dialogue and hum the sounds in my internal monologe to american dad. It was really annoying but nonetheless I fell asleep. And doing that helped cancel out the hallucination.

I had weird dreams, I remember two vividly. The first one was me, my dad, and Katie maybe, playing drinking games at my old house with shot glasses full of white mulberry supplements. I remember taking them the white mulberries when I lost my turn or whatever.

Maybe symbolic of me not being able to be myself/have parties bc I'm, "psychotic." I'm not psychotic. Someone who is psychotic doesn't do all the things I do. I just suffer from auditory hallucinations that's all.

Either way the next dream Katie showed up for me. She had all these cards and kept trying to tell me she realized I was the one. I was so confused by it that I thought she was trying to friend me and tell me she wanted to be my friend. Eventually I realized I wasn't listening to her, really the phrase is hearing her. She was trying to tell me she was in love with me. We got back together. Idk. It was weird. I remember thinking if we get back together everything had to change it can't be the way it was. I wasn't truly happy with her but I was like she's pretty. She's a good person. She's sincere and genuine and better than I will ever find.

I think the dream was symbolic of- how I didn't hear Katie which was true in our relationship. My biggest flaw and a reason we failed. I just missed a lot of what she said like, I always thought she hated glasses so I didn't wear mine when really she hated WIRE framed glasses. Just small stuff like that. A couple times when we were out and I didn't have my glasses she said something like when she saw glasses on the floor outside Walmart, "I was worried they were yours." And another time she said something about them when i wasn't wearing them bc I never wore them in front of her for the most part but it was kinda like wear your glasses.

Either way the dream was def symbolic of that bc she kept having to tell me she loved me. That she wanted to be with me and I kept hearing I don't love you. I think it was also symbolic of her not being the right girl for me but if I could find someone like her- someone pretty, someone kind, someone who is genuine, sincere, etc. That I should, "settle," bc it's better than I'll ever get.

I didn't settle on Katie in a lot of ways. I only settled in one way when we stopped having sex for the last 2 years and she wouldn't even rub my buzzcut or touch my hand, I should have left but I believed that was the type of love I deserved. That that was as good as it was going to get for me. She did take care of me. She loved me. She lost her attraction to me. But yea I settled in that regard kinda like I did on Stacey. Stacey wouldn't have sex with me more than 6 times in 3 or 4 years. And we were not made for eachother. Stacey also said cruel transphobic things to hurt me and I felt that I deserved it and it was the best I was ever going to find as a trans person.

Katie just fell out of love with me but still cared deeply and it was hard for her to leave. She was and is a much better person.

Anyways I woke up so late the car wash is unrealistic. So maybe I'll go before my dad's. I asked skye when she was leaving fucking 12 p.m yea right. So I'll drive there. Idk about the car wash. I do have to do the sleeping pill tonight/today so I don't have to tomorrow.

Idk if I'm going to game or not. I wake up so exhausted. I want to clean another bin skye left me in the hallway but then I'm going to fucking go wild and accomplish some big fucking thing so yea. I am going to hold myself back. The hardest thing imma do today is the sleeping pill and that's it.

I should game I'm just sick of my brain having a hallucination party first thing in the morning it's very frustrating and makes me not want to play or be alive. I want to die every morning I wake up and hear all the same shit.

I still have no luck on okcupid or any other dating site. I mean, it's whatever I accepted, I'll live a life of loneliness I'm surrounded by toxic people bc it's what I deserve. I don't deserve good people. I won't settle though so there is that. I wouldn't take Katie back if the option existed bc we weren't good together in the right ways.

Anyways hopefully I game today and I hope the sleeping pill thing doesn't entirely suck. I mean I'm glad I took the bigger half last night I slept better and didn't have any scream hallucinations and I didn't have any thoughts as auditory hallucinations in my head so it was the right move. Much less traumatizing.

[stedesparasol]

For those asking for deets, I'm gonna adapt the run-down I sent to my friend - there are some details of the show as well as meeting the guys afterwards, so skip the paragraphs with asterisks if you don't want spoilers for the podcast (atm they're undecided as to whether they're releasing all of the live show recordings so it may never be released but just in case) ✌️

Also gonna be linking to some tweets by jodegg for the visuals of it all (she was sitting next to me and took pics) but she's also tweeted a few more specific things the guys said afterwards so if you're curious definitely check out her other recent tweets!

Ok, so as you'll all know, they'd been at Loch Ness that day which is 3 hours away from Edinburgh, and they made it back 15 minutes before soundcheck so they were soooooo stressed, they'd even been planning what to do if they didn't make it back on time.  At one point Buttons came out of the venue and then returned holding 3 beers with his phone between his ear and his shoulder and everything was slipping lmaoo (I teased him about it later and he was like AAAAA YOU SAW THAT buddy we all saw you walked right past us).

*The show itself was so good, seemingly they're adapting as they go to see what works best for a live show, so they had us vote on the best headline rather than going through all 3 (Buttons won and he got to talk about hollow earth theory) though they did briefly talk about the others, I can't remember Dan's but Rhys' was about the world's longest shoelace lmao.  They're also doing a thing where Dan describes an obscure cryptid and Rhys draws it and then they compare it with an actual image, so Rhys had to draw the Dildo Monster which is just a monster from a lake called Dildo, but when poor Buttons was looking up an image for comparison he could only find monster dildos 😭😭😭 he was also wary because his laptop's connected to his work but Rhys reassured him dildos are legal now 😭😭😭 

*As always, Buttons was the butt-monkey of the night, e.g. at one point the mics went funny and Rhys joked it was government interference and got them to put shot glasses on their heads like tin foil hats, only Buttons forgot he hadn't drunk his yet so poured whisky on his head.  Also en route to Loch Ness they stayed in a "castle" (gatehouse near a castle) but it was only 2 bedroom so Buttons took the sofa and had a lot of weird dreams and claimed he was being haunted by a lounge ghost.  Also he was wearing a striped shirt and Rhys kept saying he looked like a prisoner and at one point called him his special little Hamburglar.

Dan was in a gorilla suit the whole night (the aim was bigfoot) and during the show he joked he lost a bet, but afterwards he told us that was a lie and he'd just wanted to wear it.  On the way out, he and Buttons were handing out exclusive pins, I got mine from Dan and he commented on my m*a*s*h shirt saying it was his favourite show ever (a win for me, a person with the media taste of a middle aged man).

About 10 minutes after the show, they all came out to say hi.  I heard Buttons tends to stay the longest and Rhys leaves the earliest lol so I made Rhys my priority and just kind of milled around near him, he very clearly wanted to go to dinner lmaooo but signed some stuff and took some selfies (I jumped on my chance to ask for a selfie, and also told him I loved his shirt, which he later told someone else he bought after seeing a facebook ad, classic middle aged behaviour).  Then we all got the group pics and Rhys and Buttons left for dinner.

Dan stuck around for aaages though, he said he could do with some fresh air after being in the car so much lol, so we just stood in a circle while he talked about stuff.  Including how Buttons is a genius who basically got Jacinda Ardern elected bc she was super low in the popularity polls when she asked him to be her campaign manager and he came up with everything for her campaign, and how they remain super close and fucking do Christmas together and all sorts. He basically just talked about how great and smart Buttons is despite how zany he comes across. Also unrelated idk how this came up but he asked what a himbo is and we had to explain it to him lmaoooo.

At one point he said he liked my mothman sweatshirt I'd just put on (it was windy and chilly as fuck lmaoo I was promised 18 degree weather!) but he still preferred the m*a*s*h shirt, and we talked about m*a*s*h for a while - one other person joined in, RIP to everyone else.  He said when he was a kid in Hong Kong he used to tape record episodes and listen to them on the bus.  He also asked if it's aged okay lol and we talked about the misogyny in it for a bit but how aside from some stuff in the early days it mostly aged fine, and I gave him some trivia ahaha.

Anyway we later moved over to a table near the heat lamps which were sorely needed, and he said something about texting the boys, and to my great surprise Buttons and Rhys returned from dinner and joined us at the table. Buttons was soooo friendly, Rhys was a bit more reserved but chill (definitely more comfortable with the lads sitting with him though) and there was one person sitting between me and him who was getting him talking and I got to listen in and nod along and act like I was part of the conversation lol.  He was talking about how he's writing a new stand up show and how the tv/film industry is so fucked atm that he may be taking a step back from it (he'll take roles if he gets them but wants to focus on other stuff) and how his last tour helped him fall in love with stand-up again which is super nice.  He also talked about the travel show he filmed with the Hoff (the one that isn't coming out bc the company's dodgy) and how the Hoff was difficult to work with lol, and it was basically a weird experience overall.

Buttons loved my mothman sweatshirt and asked where I got it, I had to look it up but when I showed him the website he took my phone, so now my phone is Touched By Buttons, what a treat!  He was also talking about how he wanted to get a tattoo while he was here but hadn't had a chance, and asked the person next to me where she got her ink done.  He said he wasn't sure what he wanted but I believe he went on to say he's getting a friend to design a family coat of arms so might get that (and joked about tying his family down and forcing them to all get it too lmaooo).

Also while I'm linking Jode's tweets I'm sure you've all seen this video she filmed after spotting Rhys from a distance and then seeing the others, but they've all seen it and think it's hilarious and Dan asked her to DM it to him 😭

At the end, Buttons took a bunch of group selfies which should end up on the discord, I hope they do bc I need photographic evidence of this encounter and also they were super cute pics (and I was right near Rhys in them ahaha).

Aaaaand I think that's it!  I'm sure I'll remember more stuff down the line, and there were parts I excluded bc they were interactions with other people I don't really know and don't want to just post about when it's their anecdotes to tell (for the record pretty much everyone there was a stranger to me but they were all super lovely and we had great chats even after the guys had left, just good vibes all round) but it was truly a crazy night, I wasn't expecting any of them to stay all that long after a whole day of Loch Ness and travelling, and certainly wasn't expecting the two that went for dinner to come back (especially Rhys lol) so I was super fucking lucky.  Sweetest men ever 💕

got drinks with rhys, dan & buttons last night btw 🫠🫠🫠

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

10 March 2023 Friday 8:33 pmpdt

B4 I was taken to the hospital 🏥 in 2020, when I had ran away, I saw 👀 some things on the news 📰. A guy who was sickly thin was in prison & then he was healed & healthy & unbelievably muscular & s*xy. So I thought 💭 if I confessed everything to the c*ps (cramps sickly 😖😭😤🥵😤🐒💨 8:36 pmpdt) that I might be cured of all the pain. So I wrote a note to my mom asking her to drop me off to the police 👮‍♂️ station. 8:37 pmpdt she said she cannot I think 💭 but she didn’t explain. Back in 2017 when I told her about “Brendan” being our neighbor & I thought he said he saw me break into a car 🚗 she said she would take him to court. And then she forgot. I think 🤔 the incubus possessed her & erased her memory. Incubus did a lot to sabotage us from reporting Brendan. I think 🤔 the incubus made her say she couldn’t Bcz I’m not guilty of doing anything in reality & Brendan & he loved 🥰 Brendan more. & he was probably afraid 😱 that I would report him at the same time I did my confessions. 8:42 pmpdt heather (8:55 pmpdt incubus put extra stuff) incubus doesn’t even want me typing 💬 this now. 8:43 pmpdt I felt guilty at the time Bcz Of my timing ⏱ & the reason for it. I went in & out of feeling certain that nothing really happened. 8:45 pmpdt I felt like hiding & I thought 💭 the guy stopped & would easily find me. But I wasn’t sure Bcz I didn’t see with my own eyes 👀 that he was ok. But from what I heard & felt & I thought 💭 there was no blood 🩸 on my car 🚗 that the guy was ok & untouched. The incubus showed me ahead of time he controlled traffic at least 3 times in my life that I thought 💭 he would stop 🛑 him for me. 8:50 pmpdt

9:48 pmpdt if something happened then I’m going to be shocked & distraught (?)... around 5 years ago I saw 👀 stuff maybe online? An article that the incubus borrowed millions of dollars 💸 from inter scope or octone probably b4 songs about Jane was released. Why? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. Songs about Jane was said to be a “sleeper hit” Bcz I think I read they toured for 5 years for that album 💿. The other thing I saw 👀 was the incubus was on stage at an intel technology conference & they were talking about “mind reading”. 9:53 pmpdt ( acid pain in throat 9:54 pmpdt) incubus pulled down on the bones 🦴 at the top of my throat. Incubus is killing me & making it hard to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. An ex-trump aid quoted harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ In 2017 for the public to hear I guess as I read in an article. 9:56 pmpdt I cannot find the articles anymore. 9:56 pmpdt 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤😤😖😭9:57 pmpdt menstrual feeling cramps. 😖😭

9:59 pmpdt Silicon Valley bank 🏦 was shut down? By the feds? Today or yesterday. 10 pmpdt tech startups & bc’s? What are bc’s? Maybe 🤔 it’s vc. 10:01 pmpdt

10:02 pmpdt I don’t like that I saw a car 🚗 w/ a Virginia license plate here. That’s a little too coincidental. 10:03 pmpdt

11:09 pmpdt in 2017? The guy, the older son? Of the neighbor next door 🚪 to my upstairs neighbor, I thought 💭 I heard him say (11:10 pmpdt throat bone 🦴 & flesh pain mins ago acid pain on vag can’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ exhaling hot 🥵 air left hip bone 🦴 pain 11:12 pmpdt) he worked for apple 🍎. So he probably found my address through stalking virtually my mom’s phone 📱 then mine, also probably a Comcast customer. & also he said he was junior’s cousin. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that’s true or not. 11:15 pmpdt which I think 🤔 is how it might be possible that I wasn’t imagining that I saw 👀 Brendan junior in my neighborhood in 2020. 11:15 pmpdt

11:46 pmpdt I did a u-turn to check if the driveway through the sidewalk was clear but b4 I could see/reach it I heard 👂 sirens 🚨 & I lost my courage to follow thru to look 👀 so I drove away back home 🏠 to crawl into bed 🛌 afraid 😱 to watch the news 📰. The thoughts 💭 in my head last minute b4 I went through & on my way home 🏠 were god making me feel like I was making a mistake. I was in denial or not fully realizing at first that it was god & feeling like it was strange Bcz I usually didn’t have those kinds of feelings w/ those thoughts 💭 so it felt foreign (?) to me. 11:53 pmpdt it’s strange that he would suddenly choose to talk to me the way he did when he did after silently demonstrating things like his control of traffic as if to encourage me to believe perhaps 🤔 wishful thinking 💭. 11:55 pmpdt acid pain on vag 11:55 pmpdt. Even though I had memories that made me feel certain sometimes, I always come back to doubt myself Bcz I think 🤔 of something else again to make me feel uncertain. 11:57 pmpdt I guess the jokes on me. I guess no one cares Antolin Garcia torres might actually be 100% innocent of everything. If he’s not 100% innocent of everything then the jokes on me again. No one cares that history is going to repeat 🔁 & this is the only way for us to live, forever, world 🌎 with out end, & like they (left eyeball 👁 stinging pain right eye 👁 same left knee 12:01 skull 💀 bone 🦴 pain right pinky finger bone 🦴 & flesh pinching pain 12:02 am pdt left hip acid vag pain 😖😭😖😭😖😭😤😥😤🥵😤😖😭😖😭) in a social science history book 📚 it said that someone believed every person is wicked/evil. 12:03 am pdt

12:11 am pdt when I got taken to the hospital 🏥 when I ran away I didn’t tell them my name to see if I would be treated differently than when they knew my name. But something tells me that they (stubby pokey pain lower right below bellybutton. 12:14 am pdt. Somehow knew my name but were toying with me. In the ambulance 🚑 one of the emts said I was probably guilty of a crime Bcz I didn’t want to give my name. When I got to the hospital 🏥 they gave a random Jane doe name and put that I was 100 years old even though I told them my age I think? I panicked. Bcz being 100 years old I thought 💭 they were planning to murder me. 12:17 am pdt

12:34 am pdt I can’t remember anymore... maybe 🤔 it felt like a psychic thought 💭 at first? I cannot remember... my blossom hill road to comm. college experience.. the prediction that came true that I’d make it to school 🏫 in record time when it usually took 30mins-1 hour ... I think 🤔 I made it there in less than 15 minutes? I remember feeling shocked 😮. & then I forgot probably? I cannot remember if I remembered that experience at the time I saw 👀 the other cars 🚗 of same colors parking next to each other including myself w/o intention of doing so & then realized it after I picked that spot & also coincidentally running in groups together in traffic all in a dance choreographed fashion 12:43 am pdt.

1:48 am pdt incubus is burning 🔥 my right side rib cage & lungs 🫁 surface it really feels like the flesh of the lung is being burned. I didn’t smoke 💨. You’d think diffused second hand smoke 💨 shouldn’t do anything to you Bcz it’s not hot .. does smoke 💨 usually go up 🆙? When I lived in alum rock 🪨 I started having difficulty breathing. Upstairs neighbor usually smoked outside. I was never a smoker. I got sick once I thought 💭 from second hand smoke 💨 from the daycare lady’s husband’s smoking 🚬. He was extremely old & thin . He might have told me how long he’s been smoking 🚬 but I don’t remember but he seemed to try to communicate to me that smoking 🚬 doesn’t do anything to you or him. He said he was fine several times & I think he even sang a little. The incubus smoked. He’s ok 👌 & he goes around singing & charging hundreds. If you get lung cancer ♋️ then it’s a demon lord/incubus/pestilence curse. That’s what it looks like to me. Bcz I am not a smoker, yet he seems to be threatening me in that old reel dusick posted of the Sunday morning making of video he said “black lung” alluding to harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. I’ve had a lot of sensitivities & allergies 🤧 & chronic eczema. I could never afford to get addicted to something like that. 1:59 am pdt it’s best though to not get addicted since that Krupp (type of curse. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ what Krupp is autocorrect 2:01 am pdt can’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ thru nose 👃😤🥵😤🥵😤😭😖😭) of curse exists. Only he’s allowed to do stuff like that w/o consequences. 2:01 am pdt yes I said “I love you” to “Brendan” even though I never met him in person before that & he lied 🤥 first about his identity & age & said he was friends with gym class heroes 🦸‍♂️ back in 2001. 2:03 am pdt

[graveyardnails]

But Tonight Is Just Like Any Other Night

Authors Note: I wrote this when I woke up at  5AM and was feeling not good. I did some light editing, but overall I just needed to express some emotions I’ve been dealing with recently. Also, this scenario would def not work in the real world lol I am aware. I just wanted to write some comfort about one of the Moon Knight boys.

ALSO: I forgot to mention, I got the idea for Jake's eyes from @/glitchedknight on Twitter bc I am not a fan of giving Jake a red eye.

Summary: You leave a party feeling alone and hopeless. Needing to get back home, you decided to hail a taxi.

Warnings: Besides discussions of being very sad and alone, there aren’t really any.

Word count: 1.8K

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It  was abnormally humid and hot in Chicago. Your sweater stuck to your body, making it more uncomfortable. All you wanted to do was go home and cry in your bed. Not standing on the road, trying to hail a taxi. 

    It was way too late to take the cta. The buses also have ceased their routes. At this point, you’d pay $40 for a 15 minute taxi ride back to your apartment. 

    In the distance, you saw the bright headlights of a car that started to drive closer to the curb. You raised your hand when the yellow cab with black checkerboard came into view. The taxi stopped next to you and you didn’t hesitate on opening the back seat to slip inside. You kept your gaze low, so the driver wouldn’t see how red and wet your eyes were.

    “Where you heading to?” He spoke with a deep voice, traces of a spanish accent dancing through it. 

    You told him your address. He only nodded before putting the car back in drive. 

    You looked out the window, seeing the skyline of the city you grew up in. It dug a hole in your heart knowing something that you held so close was also the thing that harbored the bulk of your pain. Tonight was no expectation, but the more you thought about it, the more the tears welled up in your eyes. You didn’t want to start crying in this man’s taxi. God, it would be so embarrassing. You wiped your tears away with your sleeve, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. 

    This feeling was overwhelming, all embracing. It swallowed you whole when given the chance. It made you feel like a prisoner in your body, like you didn’t belong. It was dark and rough. It made your days harder and your nights restless. You always tried to fight it, but there were days where you couldn’t fight. You couldn’t cope. Like today. 

    The tears kept pouring from your face, onto your lap. You tried not to make noise but soon you were taking short, small breaths to try to relax. In reality, this never worked, but you could never stop it from happening. 

    “Senorita?” The driver spoke up. You felt his gaze from the rearview mirror, “Are you okay?” 

    You managed to nod, but you needed to verbally answer to make it believable. You quickly collected yourself. 

    “Yes..” You cleared your throat, wiping your tears that were quickly being replenished by fresh one, “Yes, I’m fine.” 

    There was silence and you hoped that was the end of it. 

    “Lo siento, but if you were fine, why would you be crying?” The driver spoke softly. 

    You finally mustered up the courage to meet his gaze in the rearview mirror. A sweet pair of downturned eyes met yours. He had heterochromia; one eye was a deep brown, while the other one had a lighter, almost golden half to it, resembling a crescent moon.  

    ‘’Lo siento tambien,” You responded, your throat wet with how much you had been crying, “I don’t mean to bring my problems into your cab.” 

    The driver's eyes looked away for a second, “You’re not bringing anything bad into my cab,” he assured, “I just hate to see someone crying in my backseat.” 

    You wiped your tears again, resting your hands in your lap. 

    “You don’t have to tell me nothing, but I hope your night gets better.” 

    The ugly feeling in your chest grew agitated at hearing such kind words. It was like a ball, painfully rolling up your throat, making your eyes well with tears again. You tried to hold it back, because you did not want to ugly cry in front of a stranger. 

    The car stopped suddenly, making you jolt. You heard the key come out of the ignition, and the car grew silent. That golden crescent glimmered in the rearview mirror. 

    “Take your time, cariño. Let it out.” He spoke softer this time, his gaze breaking yours. 

    Your chest started heaving before you could even think about his words and another waterfall of tears escaped you, pouring down your face. You tried to cry into your hands, but it didn’t matter. Nothing felt suitable to contain your sadness. It felt so bottomless.

    “Cariño, I know I’m only your driver but if you need anything, please let me know. I can -” 

“I want a hug,” You blurted without thinking, “Please.” 

There was a small pause before you heard the driver's door open, close, then the backseat door open. 

The driver slipped inside, keeping his distance. He eyed you almost hesitantly. 

    You looked at him, tears still welling up in your eyes, and his expression softened. 

He looked so kind. His eyes were soft and endearing towards you, making your heart pound in your chest. He wore a newsboy cap that had a few stray curls poking out of it, and wore a white button up with a black tie. If this was any other night, you would already be running out of the taxi, but something was different. Something about him felt safe. 

You closed the space between you two, catching him off guard. Your arms wrapped around his neck. His arms weren’t around you at first, but when your hold tightened, he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in just as tight. 

He smelled like tobacco and aftershave. You cried embarrassingly hard into his shirt collar. 

He rubbed small circles into your back, speaking softly, “Si, Si. Let it out cariño,” 

“I feel so stupid.” You admitted through sobs, “I always feel so stupid and alone. I have nothing.” 

The driver held you tighter as you spoke through a heaving breath, “I need you to control your breathing. You’re going to get light headed.” You didn’t listen. 

You heard him let out a small breath, “Breathe with me, preciosa. Come on.” He urged with a light tap onto your ribs. 

You forced yourself to take more consistent breaths. 

“On the count of three, you’re going to take a deep breath with me, then hold it, and then let it out for 3. Got it?” 

You nodded. 

“Smart girl. Okay, follow me.” His chest expanded against yours and you followed suit, counting in your head. You held it, then released it as he counted to 3 again. 

You did this 3 times until your breath was coming more consistent. 

“Now tell me what is making such a pretty lady cry.” 

You took another deep breath before starting again. 

“I feel so alone. I can be in a room of 100 people and still feel all alone.” You explained, “I feel so stupud being in groups of people who are already friends. I feel so unnecessary and useless.” Your voice wavered as the feelings started to feel raw again, “I-I can’t s-shake it. I am so miserable.” 

There was a long moment of silence as you kept crying, thinking about how everyone at the party had just tolerated you there. How you had small talk all night that fizzled out into uncomfortable silence. You watched everyone look away from you, sipping their drinks and changing the conversation immediately. 

“Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel like that?” He asked simply, 

You took a few more deep breaths to calm yourself, considering your words. 

‘“I just want to feel included. I want to have friends.” It made you feel pathetic, but it was true. You were tired of feeling so alone. 

“Lo entiendo, pero ¿por qué quieres estar cerca de personas que te hacen sentir así?” 

You sniffled, “I like the way they’re friends with each other. They’re always laughing and smiling. They look like they have f-fun together.” 

“You need to find people who want to act that way towards you. Not these pendejos who make you cry like this.” 

 You sniffled. Deep in your heart you knew he was right. 

“I feel so stupid reacting like this for people who don’t care about me.” 

“You don’t need to feel stupid. You want to feel what everyone else wants to feel- belonging.” The driver assured you, “don’t go where they don’t want you, cariño. You deserve better than that.” 

You let out another big breath, relaxing into him. There was another moment of silence where his words were finally cementing themselves in you. You had gone through all this trouble to impress people who clearly didn’t want anything to do with you. And for what? Those people were out partying still, having a great time, and you were here having a breakdown. They were out being ignorant of how miserable they made you, and you didn’t want people who didn’t care about your wellbeing as much as you did theirs. This stranger had shown you more kindness now than anyone at that party had. 

Slowly, you pulled away from the hug, wiping your excess tears on the back of your hand. You smiled at the man, embarrassed at your behavior. 

“You are getting tipped well today.” You joked. 

He smiled sweetly, tilting his head to the right slightly making the golden crescent in his eyes glimmer, “don’t worry about it.” He assured you. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t get your name.” 

“Jake. Jake Lockley.” 

You sat in the passenger seat as Jake drove you home. He played some music and told you stories that brightened up your mood. When he stopped outside your apartment, you felt sad about leaving. 

“Ya llegamos,” Jake announced, looking at the small building you called home. 

You smiled sadly, “gracias por todo,” you couldn’t find the words to express your gratitude, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t pick me up.” 

Jake returned the smile, and then ripped off a piece of paper from a form that was tucked underneath the sunvisor. He rummaged in his pockets, producing a pen, and scribbled something down. 

“If you ever need a ride again, you let me know.” Jake handed you the paper with a phone number scribbled on it, “I don’t care where you are. I’ll drive anywhere in the city for you.” 

You almost wanted to cry again but you held it back to take the paper from his hands. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” 

You exchanged smiles, “how much do I owe you?” 

Jake brushed you off with a small wave of his hand, “Por favor, cariño, do not worry about it.” 

“I caused you way more trouble than I am worth. You have to let me pay you.” 

Jake shook his head, not entertaining it. 

“Let me buy you lunch the next time you pick me up, then.” 

“Over my dead body are you paying for our meal.” You both laughed until it faded into silence. 

“Thank you, again.” 

“Cualquier cosa por ti, cariño.”