#i already improved from repetition one to two so

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Trying tablet weaving again!! The first repetition sucks badly but the second looks so much better yay!

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 17

Warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, mentions of cheating, underaged drinking and drug consumption, break ups, mentions of injuries, mentions of pregnancy (it's just a joke)

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: You spend the night before your birthday with Steve and the same night, it takes a turn for him.

Word count: 9.5k

A/N: This chapter made me realize that my writing needs way more improvement, my words are too repetitive, please ignore. Also big shoutout to @hellfire--cult for throwing some really really amazing ideas at me, thank you, love. I appreciate you! @mysticmunson my angel, thank you for always helping me 🤍

series masterlist

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You missed the warm nights, the transition from winter to spring and spring to summer, where every day it gets warmer and warmer. The sun gets brighter and the flowers adorn every field that you pass by. 

It’s only the end of April but it’s already so warm, this night especially. The breeze you feel on your skin is one that reminds you of a chilly summer night. 

Your eyes are closed, you are leaning back against the railing as you sit outside on your porch steps, waiting for him to come. A year or two ago, you would have waited for him in your room, you would have waited for him to climb through your window and surprise you with a present. 

This year, everything is different. 

You don’t want him to sneak into your room, that would only bring up painful memories again and you have had enough of those in the past few weeks, you know that seeing him tonight, will only make things worse. Still, you can’t help but feel excited to see him. 

You shouldn’t feel this way, you really shouldn’t. 

But you miss him, you miss what you used to have. 

The sound of a car pulling up and the bright headlights make you open your eyes. 

This feels so wrong. To let him back into your life so easily is such a huge mistake. You don’t know what prompted you to say yes to him when he asked you if he could come over the night before your birthday. Maybe it was the wish to uphold the tradition you have had since you were kids or maybe, it was your stupid heart that made you say yes. 

You should have said yes to Eddie when he had asked if you wanted to see a movie with him tonight. You shouldn’t have said yes to him. 

He gets out of the car and his eyes instantly lock with yours, his brows furrow, he is probably wondering why you are outside. There is something in his hand, you can’t make out what it is. 

“Hey,” he says when he walks towards you. 

You force a smile, to match the one on his face. 

“Hi Steve.”

The gravel crunches beneath his nike’s and he looks down, breaking eye contact for a moment. 

You eye him in curiosity. 

Isn’t this weird? 

To do this when he is with someone else? 

Does she know where he is, right now? 

He sits down opposite of you, leaning his back against the other railing. His breathing is a little unsteady and he clears his throat. The porch light is the only thing lighting up the area around you, it’s very dim but you still notice the flushed cheeks. 

“How are you?” He asks, nervously. 

Only as you hear the shakiness in his voice, do you realize just how nervous he actually is. 

You don’t know this side of Steve – you don’t remember ever seeing this side of him. The Steve you once knew was always full of himself, confident, arrogant and cocky. Never nervous. 

You haven’t talked to him in a while. The notes you have passed to each other in class don’t count. 

“I’m okay,” you say as you pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “how are you?”

He hesitates and his eyes stray away for a few seconds, he looks down at your hands, staring at your rings. 

You notice the dark circles under his eyes and the way his features are etched with something that reminds you of something that you always used to see on your face whenever you looked at your reflection in the mirror, when he was seeing Nancy. 

“I-I uh, I’m good.” 

It’s a lie.

He usually used to avoid looking into your eyes whenever he lied to you. 

“Are you?” You ask before you can stop the words from spilling. 

When he looks up and you see his eyes again, you notice the frustration behind them. He wears the same look that you used to wear after every fight with him. 

Did they fight? Did she make him cry the way he made you cry? Is that why his eyes are glassy and red rimmed? 

He only nods. 

“It’s almost midnight.”

“Yeah,” you whisper and hold eye contact. 

You hate your birthday, god, you hate it so much. If you could, you would sleep the day away but you can’t.

“What’s that?” You ask, gesturing to the tiny box in his hand, the one he hasn’t let go of since he came here. 

He hesitates when he follows your gaze and looks down at the object in his hand. 

“Uh, it’s your birthday present.”

You raise your brows and you ignore the way your stomach flips at his words. 

“Oh?”

He nods and then scoots closer to you but he doesn’t hand it to you yet. He still holds it tightly. 

“What’s in there?” 

A smile tugs at his lips, “never the patient one, are you?” 

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you shake your head, “you know me.” 

His eyes skim over your face, your soft features and the light in your eyes that never died, even after everything he had put you through, the light is still shining brightly even when you can’t see it. 

“Yeah, I do,” he whispers. 

He places his palm on the ground beside you, he is closer now, closer than he had been in a while. His nike’s bump against your black converse, his fingertips graze against yours and the urge to feel his whole hand on top of yours is so strong. 

You look down, eying his knuckles, eyeing the scar. You know where it came from, you still ask, “what’s that?” 

He furrows his brows at your question, then follows your gaze to see what you are looking at. 

“Oh,” he mumbles. 

“I know where you got it from but, how did it happen?” 

You avoid his eyes this time. You never thanked him for what he did. It’s something that 

Steve doesn’t even expect from you, it’s not something you have to thank him for. 

He scratches the back of his neck, “uh well, apparently Ray is a fan of pocket knives,” he laughs. 

Your eyes widen and you stare at him in shock as your heart leaps to your throat. 

“What?” You gasp. 

Eddie told you some things but you know that he left a lot of details out. He didn’t want you to worry. 

Fear flashes in your features and you instinctively reach for his hand. The thought that something worse could have happened to him and to Eddie makes you feel so guilty. 

“It’s fine,” he whispers.

The worry in your eyes makes his heart flutter in his chest. 

You still care about him, you always will. He looks down at your hand, your touch is making his skin tingle and a smile tugs at his lips when he remembers all the times he was able to just take your hand and hold it without a second thought, without having to worry about anything, without having to feel guilty, without feeling like he’s doing some forbidden thing. 

He can’t just hold your hand now, not anymore. 

Not even when she – “No, it’s not! Something worse could’ve happened, Steve–”

“But it didn’t,” he says, interrupting you, “nothing happened to us. We’re fine. Please just, let’s drop this, y/n.”

“But–”

“No buts, I’m not here to talk about that asshole. What’s done is done, let’s leave it in the past, okay?”

Oh, how easy everything could be if that was possible. 

You begrudgingly drop the subject when he keeps interrupting you, not wanting to talk about it. When you try to pull your hand away, he stops you and holds it tighter – you let him. 

You lean your head back and take a good look at him. His hair has grown longer and there is a kindness in his eyes that had been missing in the last few months of your relationship. His touch feels more gentle, his presence makes you feel calm instead of anxious, he seems like the old Steve – the one who still loved you. 

She brought him back, she did something that you could not do. 

You weren’t good enough for that – he did not want to change for you. 

“Does she know that you’re here?”

He tenses up a little and for a moment, he frowns. 

“She wouldn’t care.”

What?

“She wouldn’t care that you’re spending time with your ex girlfriend?” You ask, confused. 

“No,” he says, cringing at the word ‘ex girlfriend’.

You don’t believe it, you can’t believe it, especially not after the way she talked about you after he had dumped you for her. Clearly, she can’t stand you and the thought of her not having a problem with her boyfriend hanging out with you, just seems a little too weird to you.

You would have a problem with that. 

“Okay,” you mumble under your breath. 

“Is everything okay between the two of you?” You ask, still looking down to hide your eyeroll. You don’t really want to hear him talk about his relationship but, you can’t help but feel a little curious. You know that the pain in his eyes isn’t for nothing. 

He hesitates and he tenses up, yet again. You feel it in his touch. 

“Yeah.”

“I know when you’re lying,” you mumble, glancing up at him to see him looking away. 

The chuckle that falls from his lips, isn’t one of amusement. He glances up at the darkening sky.

“I-I just, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What do you mean?” You frown. 

As he looks back into your eyes, he sees everything that he is looking for – everything that he can never find in her eyes. 

“She is not you.”

For a moment, your heart stops beating, your blood stops pumping, the world stops spinning. Everything stops. 

How can he say such a thing? 

“She’s not the one that I want.”

How can he say this to you after he had told you that he fell in love with her? That he never loved you? 

How can he say this when he looks so happy with her? 

How can he say this when you had asked him to let you go? 

“Steve.”

“I know,” he whispers, frowning at the ground, “I know, I’m sorry. I-I made a mistake and I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

You hate the way your heart flutters despite the pain it’s in, right now. 

You hate the way you wonder about how things could’ve been if you never let him go so easily. 

You hate the way you feel so little again, the way you just let his words get to you, the way they are able to make you feel sad instead of angry. 

You feel like a fool again, the same fool who forgave him over and over again. 

“We both did.” Those three words spill from your lips before you can stop them. 

You feel stupid, you instantly feel so so stupid. You miss the anger, the coldness – the one that never let him back in. 

He looks up, a bewildered look on his face as he stares at you in shock and confusion. 

“What?”

“We both made mistakes.”

He shakes his head, you had never seen such a deep frown in his features, his lips are pursed as he tries to come up with words but he can only stare at you with a questioning look in his eyes. 

You blink, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the nervous feeling that is building up more and more. 

“I-I just,” you pause to take a deep breath, to give yourself the chance to say something that won’t ruin everything again but, something pushes you to say this, “I keep wondering how things could’ve been if I never let you go, how it would’ve been if I just fought for you.”

He whispers your name as he stares at you with eyes that soften the longer he looks at you. 

“I-I never did, I just let you go. I keep thinking about that night at Tina’s party. You spilled that stupid red wine on you that you didn’t even like.”

Steve nods slowly. He feels the bitterness on his tongue, the taste of the sour wine still lingers when he thinks about how much he had drank from it to gain more courage, to make it easier to lie to you, to break your heart. 

“You told me that you weren’t in love with me anymore and I just, I said ‘okay’ and then I left and that’s all.” 

You look back at him with glossy eyes and a frown on your lips. 

“Don’t put the blame on yourself,” he says in anger for himself, “I was the one who lied to you, I was the one who fucked up. Not you, y/n. Never you.” 

“But–”

“No!” He shakes his head, “stop it, where’s this even coming from?”

You shrug and it only confuses him further. 

“Would you have stayed with me if I didn’t let you go?” You ask, “if I fought for you?”

He feels ashamed, he feels guilty and so horrible. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I would have stayed with you.” Because this is what he wanted. He wanted you to fight for him, he wanted you to make him stay. 

You know that he is honest and it breaks your heart again. 

“But you shouldn’t have, it wasn’t your job to fight for me. I should have fought for you. You should’ve been the one to leave, not me.”

“What?”

“I was a fucking asshole, y/n. I was an asshole to you, every day of our relationship, I kept fucking up, over and over again and you tolerated it, you never left me. You never got mad at me, you never said anything rude, you never did anything bad, you were – fuck, you were perfect, you are perfect,” he holds your hand tighter.

The tear that rolls down your cheek is quickly wiped away with his thumb.

“And I’m sorry, I am so fucking sorry for what I did to you.” 

He hates the way your eyes continue to well up with tears. He hates the way your bottom lip quivers as you try to not break down. He hates the way you are still hurting because of him. 

“Steve,” you whisper, not wanting to hear his apologies anymore. 

He shakes his head, stubbornly. 

“I’m not just saying sorry for leaving you, for choosing her over you. It’s not just that.”

You sniffle quietly and you press your knees to your chest. Your hand is still in his and you don’t make any moves to pull it away. 

“I’m sorry that I acted like I wasn’t interested in the things you loved doing. I’m sorry that I didn’t show you how much I really loved you. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold you enough, that I didn’t kiss you the way you should have been kissed, that I didn’t take care of you.” 

You start crying before you can stop yourself from doing so. 

“I should have held you that night. God, I hate myself for what I did to you that night. You cried a-and I-I didn’t do anything, I just listened to you cry.”

You close your eyes when your vision blurs. Your heart drops to your stomach and a sick feeling rushes through you. 

You didn’t know that he was awake, you always thought that he fell asleep before you broke down. But he was awake and he heard you. He was awake and he listened to your cries, he just listened and kept his back turned to you when you needed him to just fucking hold you. 

Steve watches the tears rolling down your cheeks, one after the other. 

Back then, he could’ve just pulled you into his arms. He could’ve hugged you, he could’ve held you but he never did – now he wants to so badly but now, he can’t. 

He sees how much you are struggling, he sees how hurt you still are. All these months, he thought that you had moved on, that you had left him in the past, that you had forgotten about the pain. But he was so wrong about everything. 

You have not moved on, you have not left him in the past and you especially, have not forgotten about the pain that he had put you through. 

The girl he knew is still in there just like the boy you once knew is still in him. 

You both changed but, you are also both still the same. 

“I should have given you the locket,” he whispers as he turns your hand around and places the little box into your palm, “I shouldn’t have given you the fucking bracelet that you never wanted.”

To see you cry will always hurt. To know that he is to blame for your pain, will always make him hate himself. To see the way you look at him with so much sadness and still so much love in your eyes will always make his chest burn with regret. 

Your brows are pulled together, your lips are parted and you look down at the box with big eyes. 

You pull your hand away from his and you wipe your tears before you open it after a moment of hesitation. A tear drops on the beautiful locket that you have fallen in love with a year back. 

A present that would have brought you joy back then, only makes you sad now. 

He could’ve seen a smile on your face. He could’ve seen happiness in your eyes. He could’ve heard you squeal in excitement. 

He could’ve. 

You stare at it, a minute passes and then another, you stare at it in silence. 

“I-I didn’t put anything in there,” he mumbles, pointing to the locket, “I know you always wanted a picture of us in there but uh – I figured you wouldn’t want that anymore.” 

You take it out of the box, the heart shaped locket is engraved with little flowers – it’s beautiful. Despite the sadness and the anger that is buried deep somewhere, you smile. 

It’s something that Steve did not expect. The thought of gifting you the little piece that you have wanted for so long after he left made him anxious, it was a last minute decision – this was not the gift he wanted to give you but it’s something that he found when he took his room apart while searching for a box to put the original gift in. This is what you wanted. 

You wanted it for your last birthday but instead he put a bracelet around your wrist, one that you did not wish for. You still loved it, you still smiled brightly and stared at it as though it was the prettiest thing you had ever seen. 

He bought the locket three days before he left you, he intended to give it to you after Halloween but it all went wrong. 

Everything went wrong after that night. 

He chose her and you chose to act like he didn’t exist anymore which is something he isn’t mad at anymore, you should have done worse. 

You gave him the cold shoulder, the glares, the snarky replies whenever he talked to you, whether it was about the essay you had worked on together or something else. You were mean, dismissive and cold. It went on like that for two months until that night when you had parted ways after the party at Jimmy’s place. After that you just seemed unbothered by his presence, like he didn’t matter anymore.

Now you are showing him a side that he does not deserve to see – the vulnerable, loving side that he only got when you were still his. 

He hates that you think that you should have fought for him. He never deserved it. He never deserved you. 

He prefers it when you hate him – he deserves that more than your love. 

You are silent for the longest time, just staring at the locket in your hand and he watches you with a bitter taste on his tongue and a deep sadness in his eyes. 

“Thank you, Stevie.”

It’s been a long time since you called him that. 

You lift your head and turn to look at him, your eyes meet and he smiles. 

“You’re welcome, y/n.”

The smile that you give him makes him realize just how much he truly misses you. 

He misses the sound of your giggle, he misses the way your eyes lit up when you saw him, he misses the way you would smile into the kisses, he misses the way it feels to hold you, he misses being with you. God, he misses you. 

You look down and with a heavy sigh, you push yourself up, “I-I should go inside.”

The disappointment that rushes through him is deep, he doesn’t want this to end, he doesn’t want to say goodbye again, he doesn’t want to go back to a love that is forced. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, getting up as well. 

For a moment, you stand in front of each other, not moving, not looking away from one another. His hands itch for your touch and you long to feel his arms around you. 

Should you tell him how much you miss him? 

Should you hug him?

Should you tell him how he haunts you in your memories? 

His hair looks soft beneath the dim porch light, his eyes even softer as he stares at you, his lips – stop. You curse at yourself for letting your mind go there. He is not yours, he belongs to someone else. 

Steve sees the way you look at him; it’s still the same. 

And that little moment is enough for him to make a decision. 

“Goodbye,” you whisper. 

He hesitates. 

Once again, he finds himself here, not wanting to say goodbye to you.

“Goodbye.”

You tear your eyes away from him, you look down and walk towards your door. You lift your hand, reaching for the doorknob when you feel his fingers closing in around your wrist. 

“Hey,” he says softly. 

You’re met with a smile when you look back again. 

“Happy birthday, dolly.”

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you smile, “thank you.”

Last year he would have kissed you. 

This year he can’t even hug you.

You turn back around and he watches you hesitate, his hand is still holding your wrist and you turn to him once again. You let go of his hand and you lift the sleeve of your sweatshirt to show him something. 

The dainty pearls around your wrist make his eyes widen. 

“I love the bracelet, by the way,” you say with a smile before you walk into your house, leaving him standing on your porch. 

The warmth in his stomach is only there because of you, because of the love you still got for him – and even if you had no love for him anymore, he would still feel it. You could break his heart into a million pieces and Steve Harrington would still love you more than anything else in this world. 

He can push you out of his life, he can try to fall in love with someone else, he can replace you with another girl but no one will ever be you. 

No one will ever make him feel the things that you make him feel. No one can make his heart race the way you do. No one can make him feel so safe and loved despite the distance, no one but you. 

It’s always you, it’s always been you, it’ll always be you. 

There is no point to be with someone he can never love the way he loves you. There is no point in being with someone who could never love him the way you loved him.

It’s all just pointless, everything that has happened since Halloween night is pointless. 

His mind is filled with thoughts, ones that keep him so distracted that he doesn’t even notice that the light in his bedroom is on. Only when he steps into his room and he notices his girlfriend sitting on his bed, does he realize that he is not alone tonight, like he wanted to be. 

He instantly notices the frown on her face, the crossed arms and a look of anger in her eyes.

“Nance,” he mumbles with furrowed brows, confused by her presence. 

He takes a look around his room to find it a mess, messier than it was before. Books, clothes and notes are scattered all over the carpet, an open box lying on the floor, pictures of you and him spilling out of it. Your green scrunchie from cheer practice lying on the sweater that belongs to him, one that he had put into the box because it was basically yours, it smelled like you, it probably still does. 

Realization floods through him, but there is no ounce of fear inside of him. He isn’t scared of what is about to happen.

Nancy is holding one of the many notes and she looks at him in disbelief, scoffing as she holds it up for him to see. 

“I’ll throw it away later, huh?” She asks, mocking him. 

He doesn’t have to take a closer look to know which note it is. It’s the one she found in his car a few months ago, the one he promised to throw away.

He doesn’t know what to say so he just stands there and looks at her, trying to figure out what she is feeling right now. 

She is not hurt, he knows she isn’t, just angry. 

Her eyes have strayed away from him just a few weeks after he left you for her. The moment Jonathan stepped into her life, her heart was no longer his, she gave it to her supposed new friend. 

He saw the stolen glances, the lingering touches. He knew about the secret meetups, he knew about what she did when they had decided on taking a break. But, he never said anything, he never did anything about it. He tolerated it because he thought that he deserved it. 

She did the same thing that he did to you, just so much worse. At least, he had never slept with anyone else, he had never kissed anyone else. 

Everything that she did in the course of their relationship is something that he was afraid of you doing to him. He was stupid for even thinking that. You would never do that to him. 

“I wish I could say that I’m surprised,” Nancy mumbles, throwing the note on the ground, “but I’m not.” 

Nancy isn’t blind and she isn’t stupid either, she always knew where his mind was at when he was with her, when he kissed her, when he touched her, when he slept with her. He was thinking about you, all the time. 

When she came over tonight, she didn’t expect to walk into an empty house or the mess that he had left in his room. She waited and waited and he didn’t come so she decided to keep herself busy. She began to clean his room, she organized his desk, dusted his furniture and put away his clean sweaters into the closet when she had found that box. Normally, she wouldn’t have opened it but curiosity got the best of her and now she feels relieved that she had done it, despite the sinking feeling in her stomach. 

Steve is calm, that’s something he had never been when he had gotten into fights with you. 

“Are you not gonna say anything?” 

Steve walks further into the room, he looks down at the things that belong to you, the things that he should’ve never put away in the first place. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Nancy.”

She tilts her head as she looks up at him, “you lied to me.” 

He nods. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair. 

“Yeah, I did,” he admits, “I lied to you.” 

He lied when he said that he moved on from you. He lied when he told her that he loves her. He lied so many times and still, he tried to be good for her because he really wanted to try and be with her. 

“Do you love her?” She asks, already knowing the answer. 

Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he is done lying.  

“Yes.”

Hurt flashes in her eyes and he doesn’t even understand why – he is not the one that she wants. 

“Was it all just a lie then?” She asks, throwing her hands up. 

He shakes his head. No. It wasn’t all a lie, only his feelings, they were a lie, his love for her, that was a lie. 

He likes her, he always did. He liked spending time with her, he liked taking her out on dates, he liked studying with her and taking her to the movies afterwards but that’s all it was, he liked it. 

“No.” 

“God,” she breathes, “you’re so full of shit, Steve.” 

Her eyes that held pain and disbelief are now filled with anger and rage. 

“It wasn’t a lie?” She asks, stepping closer to him. 

As he looks down at her, he notices that he isn’t scared of what she is about to say. He isn’t scared that the relationship will be ruined after what words will spill from her mouth. He isn’t scared of what he will feel once she’s gone because, even when she leaves, his heart won’t be broken. 

No one can break his heart, no one but you. 

“No, I really liked you, Nancy.” 

She nods, her eyes widen and she purses her lips as she looks at him through her lashes- angrily. 

“Liked,” she says with such distaste in her voice. She takes a look around the messy room, she takes a look at the things on the ground, your things. “This is such bullshit.” 

Steve tenses up at her words, a cold shiver runs down his spine as he looks at her. 

“Why did you – why did we even get together?” 

He doesn’t know, he won’t be able to give her an answer, he doesn’t even have it himself. 

“Why did you leave her when you clearly still loved her?” She asks, raising her voice as she begins to pace around his room, kicking away the book that once belonged to you, one that he never gave back. “Why did you lie to me and say that you didn’t love her?”

He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. 

“Why did you tell me that you love me when it was all bullshit?” Nancy asks and suddenly halts in her tracks when she realizes that she did just the same. She told him that she loved him when her heart was somewhere else. “You know what, this is all bullshit.” 

“Nance,” Steve mumbles as he opens his eyes. He looks down at the ground. He can’t stand to hear these words again, it will always take him back to the night in your room, when he had almost kissed you, when he told you that he still loves you. 

“No!” 

She turns around to face him, she points her finger at him. 

“Let’s not fight.” He raises his hands up, trying to get her to calm down. “I don’t–”

“This whole relationship was bullshit, Steve! W-We kept acting like we’re in love when we–”

“When we aren’t in love?” He asks calmly, eyeing her slumped shoulders and the defeat in her eyes when she realizes that there is no use to fight. 

She doesn’t want to admit it, still worried about hurting him when she knows that no one could hurt him, no one but you. She looks at him, she takes in the sight of him. He is calm, even after what he found out a few days back. 

Suddenly, Nancy feels like a hypocrite for doing this to him. For taking his room apart, for getting upset over your stuff in his closet, for confronting him like this, for yelling at him when she was the one who got caught kissing someone else – she got caught by him and unlike her, he didn’t get mad, he just accepted it and then acted like nothing happened. 

Just like you always did. 

“Where were you tonight?” 

He doesn’t know why she is asking him that, they both know that this is the end. 

“I was with y/n. Her birthday is tomorrow. We have always spent the night before together, ever since we were little kids.” 

She raises her brows and nods, still feeling bitter about it, despite everything. 

“And you?” He asks, tilting his head, “where have you been? I dropped by your house earlier tonight and you weren’t home. Where were you?” 

Once again, she breaks eye contact, too ashamed to give him the real answer. 

Steve can tell the truth now. She can’t. 

But he is done with this, with everything. 

He sighs and he walks closer to her. 

Nancy crosses her arms over her chest, she bites down on her lip nervously. 

She is struggling to tell him the truth but he wants her to know that it’s okay. 

“Nancy, look at me.” 

He takes her hand in his, ignoring the way it feels so wrong to hold hers after yours. 

“Please.”

She looks up at him. 

Blue eyes filled with guilt meet the warm hazel ones, the one filled with sadness but also with calmness. 

“I know what happened with you and Jonathan, back in december,” he mumbles, trying not to roll his eyes.

“Steve..”

“It’s okay, Nance,” he whispers, squeezing her hand, “it’s okay.” 

“You should be with him.” 

Her brows snap together, her lips part in surprise. She blinks, staring up at him with confusion in her eyes. 

“We’re not right for each other,” he whispers, “you love him and I love her – and I can’t be with her but you can be with him.” 

Her eyes soften and the tension slowly leaves her body. She still feels guilty, for more than one reason. 

“It’s enough if one of us is miserable,” Steve says, trying to crack a joke. 

The smile on her face is forced. 

“We both know that this isn’t working, Nance. We keep pretending, we keep lying to each other, we keep acting like we’re happy with each other when we’re not. This needs to stop.” 

Her eyes well up with tears but she agrees with him. 

“Yeah,” she whispers and slowly removes her hand from his. 

“So this is it?” She asks, lifting one shoulder as she gives him a look of uncertainty. 

“Yes,” he nods, “this is it.”

“Okay,” she whispers. 

Both of them felt it coming. It’s been tense between them for weeks now, ever since the night you had called him.

When he and Eddie went after Ray and he walked out of the fight with injuries, with bruises on his temple and his knuckles, he had to lie to her to avoid the truth. She didn’t believe him when he said that a few guys from the basketball team had attacked him so she kept pressing him for answers, she wanted the truth, the truth that she never got. 

To this day, she doesn’t know what really happened. 

That put another dent into their relationship. 

But her lies were so much bigger and crueler than his. 

Still, he tried. He took her out on more dates than usual but both of them forced their happiness, their love and even their smiles. It was all forced. 

A heavy sigh falls from her lips, she wipes away the tear that fell down her cheek. 

“I-I guess I’m gonna go.”

He nods. 

They both take one final look at each other. Both of them knew that this would happen but neither of them thought that it would happen this soon. 

“I’ll drive you home.”

She shakes her head, “I took my mom’s car, didn’t you see it in the driveway?” She asks. 

“Oh,” he scratches the back of his neck. He didn’t see it, he didn’t really notice anything, his mind was with you, “right.” 

“Yeah, uh.. I guess I’ll see you around?” 

“Yeah, see you around.” 

The moment she leaves and he hears the front door slamming, he feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders but at the same time, he feels this grief inside of him because he knows that now, he is truly all alone. 

His parents are gone. 

Tommy is gone. 

You are gone. 

And now, she is gone too and there is no one he can distract himself with anymore.

He is all on his own now. 

He drops down on his bed and he looks at the mess in his room. He stares at your things. Something shiny that glistens beneath the light in his room catches his attention. He leans down to pick it up. It’s your hair pin, the one that you wore on your birthday last year. 

He feels the coil in his throat, the sickening feeling when he thinks about what happened when he came back to you after he left you all alone on your birthday. 

He drank at Tina’s party, he drank so much, he was miserable without you, he was angry at himself for the way he treated you, for the way he had been treating you for weeks prior to your birthday. 

He didn’t party, he didn’t dance, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t even spend time with Tommy. He only drank until the bitter taste of whiskey made him feel sick and long for you. Without saying goodbye to his friends, he left and walked across town to your place. 

It was 11pm by the time he got there, he sneaked into your room to find you in the same state as him. You were sitting on your floor with a half empty bottle of whiskey, you were crying and staring blankly at the TV screen. 

“You gotta stop leaving your window open,” he said, startling you. 

Your head snapped towards him, your glossy eyes widened and you instantly put the bottle down, you jumped up. 

You stood there and stared at him with tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“I-I always leave it open for you,” you said with a shaky voice.

It was his fault. 

He hurt you on your birthday and he came over to fix it but he only made it worse. 

He kissed you. He kissed you so deeply and passionately the way he had never usually done anymore. He took your clothes off and you helped him out of his, before you both made your way over to your bed. 

He kissed all over your face, he kissed your neck, your chest. 

He intertwined your fingers together. 

He praised you. 

He told you how much he loved you. 

He made love to you that night – it was soft, sweet and perfect. And he didn’t realize just how much it was hurting you that he was doing that while he was drunk, while you were both drunk. That he was showing you a vulnerable and loving side after all the alcohol he consumed. That he was giving you something that he never gave you while sober. 

He gave you everything in that moment and then, he took it all away again when he pushed you off of him after you tried to lay your head on his chest. He pushed you off and he didn’t bother to look at you, he didn’t bother to look at the shocked and hurt look in your eyes when he turned his back to you. 

He pushed your hand off when you tried to hug him once again. 

He pushed you away twice. 

“Steve,” you whispered with a shaky voice. He knew you were on the verge of tears, he knew you were about to cry. 

You touched his arm, softly, carefully. 

“Don’t.” Is all he said to you as he shrugged your hand off. 

He heard your sniffle and the rustling of the sheets as you pulled away from him. You turned away from him too and you waited, you waited until you thought that he had fallen asleep before you broke down again that night. 

You tried to be quiet but you couldn’t, you cried. 

You cried and he did nothing. He just laid there, blinking away his own tears as he looked out the window, asking himself why he couldn’t just hold you. He listened to you cry and he did nothing, not even when his mind was screaming at him to just turn around and pull you into his arms. 

When your sniffles died down and he was sure that you had cried yourself to sleep, he did something that he couldn’t do while you were still awake. 

He turned around and he wrapped his arm around you.

-

“Are you ever gonna tell me where you’re taking me?” 

Eddie shakes his head, flashing you a smile. 

“Nope.” 

You chuckle and lean back, you look out the window. 

Eddie doesn’t know what day it is and you feel relieved about it. You will forever continue to be dramatic about your birthday, you like to pretend that this day doesn’t exist – which is impossible considering your family and friends know about it. 

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asks, “cause I’m hungry.” 

You hesitate and Eddie narrows his eyes to look at you. You lean forward, turning the volume up when your favorite Metallica song comes on. He knows what you are trying to do.

“I ate earlier.” 

“Ah, what did you eat, sweetheart?” 

Birthday cake. Your mom made it. 

“Toast.”

“That’s all?” He gasps. 

“It’s only 6 in the evening!” 

“Yeah and you only had breakfast!” 

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“Y/n,” he sighs. 

“Eddie,” you sigh, giving him a sweet smile. 

A look of disapproval crosses his face, he shakes his head at you. 

“I’m gonna make you dinner.” 

You snort when you look out the window. You are far from the trailer park and from your house. He picked you up in the afternoon and took you to the movies the way he wanted to the night before. 

He didn’t ask what you did last night and he didn’t ask where you had gotten the necklace from, the one that is now around your neck. 

He knows everything without having to ask and you don’t even know that he is aware of things that you are trying to keep a secret. 

When Eddie pulls up to the quarry, you look at him in confusion, “uh the quarry?” You ask, “what are we doing here?” 

You’d hung out at Lovers Lake, Skull rock, Lake Jordan and even at the hidden lake in the woods but you had never come out here. 

As you look around, you wonder why you haven’t been here before. It’s quiet with no people around, it’s a beautiful spot to come out here whenever you need a moment to yourself. 

The sun is shining down on the blue water, it looks good enough to jump in but it’s still not warm enough to take a swim.  

“Well, it’s about time we find new hangout spots!” He says with a grin. He turns off the engine and it falls silent between the two of you when the music stops playing. 

“Ready to get high, sweetheart?” 

You chuckle, “yes.”

He gets out of the van and you follow suit. Smoothing down your dress, you reach for your jacket before you close the door. 

Eddie walks around the van, bowing down before you, he offers you his hand. 

Giggling, you shake your head as you place your hand in his. 

“Dork.” 

He gives you a proud smirk as he pulls you closer to him, he raises your hand towards his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles. 

“Your dork,” he winks. 

You can’t help but laugh, unaware of the blush on your cheeks. 

“Definitely a dork,” you giggle, “a cute dork.”

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “come on.” 

The confused look on your face makes him smile smugly. That smile should have been enough for you to know. 

You look around, there is nothing but rocks, trees and the huge lake in front of you. Not a single bench in sight, nothing to sit down on but the hard concrete floor, “are we not gonna smoke in the back of your van?” You ask, “where are we supposed to sit?” 

There is an innocent look on his face but his eyes are filled with mischief. 

Maybe he does know about your birthday. Maybe he is mad at you for keeping it a secret. Maybe he is gonna push you into the water for not telling him – that thought makes you want to laugh. Eddie would never do that. 

“You’re not gonna push me into the water are you?” You joke. 

You can’t help but smile at the sound of his laughter and at the way his eyes shine so beautifully when he looks down at you. His curls aren’t as messy as they usually are, he is wearing a new shirt and a new cologne. 

It makes your stomach flip – you don’t know why. 

“You smell good.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks despite the pounding in his chest. 

You nod. 

“New cologne?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“I like it.”

“You do, huh?” 

“Yes,” you smile. 

The look in his eyes suddenly makes you nervous, you have to look down to avoid the fluttering in your stomach. 

He leads you down to the little bay, one that is surrounded by beautiful pine trees and a secret camping place. He smirks at the sight in front of him and glances down at you to see you still looking down at your shoes, just as you’re about to lift your head up, he grabs you and pulls you against him, holding both hands in front of your eyes. 

“Eddie?” You ask, chuckling. 

He leans his chin on your shoulder and pulls your hair back, “not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt you didn’t tell me.”

You frown, “w-what?”

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he whispers and removes his hands again to reveal his little surprise. 

Your eyes widen, your jaw drops as you look around in confusion and surprise. 

There is a campfire, logs surrounding it, a boombox perched on one of the tree trunks. Coolers and snacks, along with a birthday cake that Robin is holding up with a grin on her face. 

Your friends are here, well, most of them. 

Heather, Chrissy and Robin are standing next to each other looking at you in excitement. Gareth, Jeff and Grant are wearing party hats, the sight of them makes you giggle. 

“Surprise!” 

“Happy birthday!” 

“Oh my god, are you kidding?” You laugh, clapping your hands together. 

“Happy birthday!” Chrissy squeals, being the first to run towards you and pull you into a tight hug. “I’ve been waiting for this all day!” 

You wrap your arms around her, “thank you, Chris,” you giggle, closing your eyes as you hug her back just as tight. Heather joins the two of you, hugging you from behind, she kisses your cheek. 

“Happy birthday, babe,” she grins as though she hasn’t been the first to call this morning, pulling you out of your deep slumber. 

“Can I join you girls?” Gareth asks, wiggling his brows at Heather who flips him off. 

“No boys in a girls group hug,” Chrissy says to him. 

“I can’t wait to give you my present, y/n!” Jeff grins as he is the next to hug you. 

“What did you get her, Jeff?” Gareth asks, “a poster of Eddie?” 

Grant bursts into laughter and so does Gareth, proud of his own joke. 

Eddie rolls his eyes with a blush on his cheeks. 

“C’mere, birthday girl!” Robin says to you, stealing you from Jeff, she kisses your cheek, “I can’t believe you thought that you could keep this from us!” 

“I can’t believe you guys are throwing a party for me,” you say, blushing. 

“That was Eddie’s idea,” she smiles, winking at you. 

Huffing, you turn away from her to hide the flustered look on your face. Eddie stands there with a smile, watching you interact with your friends before your attention strays back to him and your soft eyes lock with his. 

“Let’s party, guys!” Gareth claps his hands together, walking away from the group. 

Grant walks over to the boom box to put on some music. Jeff gives Eddie a sheepish smile, “I’ll get the drinks.”

“I’ll help!” Heather says, following him. 

That only leaves Robin and Chrissy who are still looking between you and Eddie before they look at one another. Robin smiles down at the blonde, “wanna help?” She asks, wanting to give the two of you some privacy. 

Chrissy’s brows furrow, she stares up at the tall girl. 

“With the drinks, I-I mean,” Robin mumbles. 

“Oh!” Chrissy giggles, “yeah, let’s go.” 

You and Eddie don’t notice the two blushing girls, you are too busy looking at each other.

“How did you know that it’s my birthday?” 

“I asked your mom,” he responds, quirking a brow as he looks up at the sky, “like, back in december.” 

Your eyes soften. 

He asked your mom about your birthday?

“Eddie,” you whisper, unable to stop yourself from throwing your arms around him. You lay your head on his warm chest, “you are the sweetest.”

His chest rumbles as he laughs at your words, hugging you tightly. 

“That title belongs to you.” 

“You didn’t have to do all this,” you mumble into his chest, “not for me.”

Eddie frowns at your words and he squeezes your arms. There is nothing that he wouldn’t do for you. 

“Sweetheart, you’re the only one I’d do this for,” he whispers before he places a kiss on the top of your head. 

You lift your head up and you look into his eyes with a smile, “thank you, Eddie.”

“You’re welcome.” He tucks a loose strand behind your ear. “I got something for you.”

“More?” You ask surprised. 

He chuckles, “yeah, come on,” he whispers. 

You follow him without question, letting him lead you down to the water for a little more privacy. 

The sound of music fills the air, drowning out the voice of the crickets and your friends chatter.

“You’re spoiling me today,” you giggle. 

“Gotta spoil my best friend,” he winks at you before he takes both of your hands and turns you around so you’re both facing each other again. “I got a feeling that your friends won’t let me have a moment with you alone so,” he pauses as he lets go of one of your hands, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little bag, one that is in colorful wrapping paper, “you’re getting this now.”

“Another birthday present?” 

“Of course,” he chuckles, “I’ve only been waiting for months to give it to you,” he says dramatically with an eyeroll. 

“Months?” You gasp. 

“Yeah, months!” 

You giggle, looking down at the little present in your hands. You unwrap it quickly and eagerly. 

Eddie laughs but watches you in anticipation. 

You scrunch up the wrapping paper and push it into his hands, making him laugh again. He stuffs it back inside of his leather jacket. 

You open the bag and gasp, “oh my god!” You squeal, jumping in excitement, “no way, Eddie!” 

You reach for the ring. The skull ring that you have seen in the window at the Gothic shop that you passed by when you spent a weekend in Indianapolis, back in February. 

“Where’s the other one?” You ask, knowing that it’s a set. 

He grins at you, motioning you to put the ring on your finger before he picks the matching one out of his pocket, showing it to you. “I’ve been waiting to finally wear it!” 

“Put it on!” 

He chuckles at your excitement, unable to fight the grin off of his face, he puts the ring on his finger and holds his hand out to you. 

“We’re matching!” You smile as you eye the ring on yours and his finger, “I love it so much, Eddie!” 

“That makes me happy, sweetheart.” 

He might not be able to give you expensive lockets or bracelets but, he still gets to make you smile and that is enough, for now. 

You cup his cheeks and stand on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on his cheek. 

His cheeks heat up at the feeling of your lips on his skin. 

“Thank you,” you whisper again. 

He can’t help but place a kiss on your cheek as well, making you giggle again. Neither of you notice the flash of the camera going off.

You are happy, you are smiling and this is all he wanted to see. He wanted to see you happy, especially tonight. After all your horrible birthdays, he wanted to give you one that you can look back on and smile instead of thinking of it with a heavy feeling in your chest. 

So he tries to make it as memorable as possible so it may be able to put a shadow over all the bad ones that you have had. 

And the night is perfect, this birthday is perfect. 

You laugh with your friends, you share a joint and you get tipsy from all the mixed drinks. You make s’mores and listen to your favorite songs. 

You unwrap the presents your friends had gotten you – including Dustin’s present who wasn’t allowed to this party. He of course got you a Hellfire shirt, the very persistent boy has been trying to get you to join their club for months now. 

And when it’s time for your cake, you can’t help but giggle when the guys sing out of chorus. 

“Who made this cake?” You ask after blowing out the candles. 

“Uh, the store!” Robin says, sheepishly as she gives you a crooked grin. 

“I tried baking one myself,” Eddie says next to you, “I almost ended up without a home.” 

“Wait what?” You ask, laughing but holding your hand to your chest, giving him a pout. He even tried to bake a cake for you. 

“I’m surprised you had a fire extinguisher at your place,” Robin jokes. 

Eddie clutches his chest, giving her a glare, “I’m insulted, Buckley.”

“You could live with me,” you giggle, leaning your head on his shoulder. 

He looks down at you with a smile while everyone else shares a look. 

Chrissy, who has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, looks at Robin, who sits back down next to Gareth. Feeling eyes on her, she lifts her head to catch the pretty cheerleader staring at her. 

It’s dark out and the only light surrounding the group is the campfire. That is enough to make the red cheeks very visible, on both girls. 

Jeff glances at the matching rings on yours and Eddie’s hands.

“Nice rings, why didn’t you invite us to the wedding?” He asks, wiggling his brows at the two of you. 

“Did the invitation get lost in the mail?” Eddie chuckles, “sorry about that.” 

Gareth gasps, clutching his beer tightly to his chest, “you’re not pregnant with a Munson baby, are you y/n?” He smirks. 

You put your hand on your stomach, “oh yes, I’m having quadruplets!” 

“Oh my god, y/n!” Heather snorts, “stop joking about it or you’re actually getting them someday!” 

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “yeah so? We’re having our own band, the new Corroded Coffin.”

“No!” Grant almost yells. 

You and Eddie laugh at his sudden outburst. 

Chrissy and Robin fade out the conversation around them, their eyes are locked and the only sounds they hear is the crackling of the fire and their pounding hearts. 

As they are unable to keep their eyes off of each other, you and Eddie are unable to move away from one another. 

He puts a blanket around you when the night gets colder and you still scoot closer to him, reaching for his hand in search of more warmth and when he kisses the top of your head, a new pair of eyes catches sight of you with him.  

Steve didn’t plan to show up at your party. 

Despite how well things had gone between the two of you the night before, he still didn’t want to intrude, knowing that he isn’t welcome here. 

But he wanted to see you, even if just from afar, he wanted to see you and make sure that you are having a nice time, that you are having a better birthday, a better night than you have had in the year before. 

So, he showed up at your party. 

But he did not expect to see you in Eddie’s arms – not like this. 

He sees you smile and even though it breaks his heart to see you with him, he can walk away with a calm feeling in his chest because he gets to know that this night won't end for you in tears this time.

But for him, it does. 

next chapter

-

tagging friends & mutuals!

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @screammunson @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfiregirlxx @nemesis729 @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan

[sscieloz]

A little help

Aeri Uchinaga x aespa5thmember! reader

Synopsis: You’ve been stressed from your group’s tour: so many shows and planes have been tiring you off. Thankfully you have an special bandmate to help you with that.

Giselle helps you use Ning’s vibrator.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk ?, gets kinda rough ?, mentions of blood — reader is a virgin, nsfw. dom!giselle x sub!reader.

Word count: 3.2k

Notes: I MIGHT (like 85% might) rewrite this bc I fucking hated it. It’s too repetitive, I think. But I wanted to post it anyway so enjoy I guess xx. Not checking for any errors tho ˆˆ muah. I’ll try to improve for next time!! write something new, perhaps. We’ll see.

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3

-

“Ning let me have it.” You display the sparkly green vibrator in front of Giselle, showing off the horrible thing to her as if it were your most prized possession. “She said she doesn’t need it anymore now that she has her girlfriend’s long ass fingers.”

Giselle dropped her phone, finally giving you the attention you wanted.

“She did not say that.” She snatched the toy out of your hands, and you let yourself fall in her bed, scoffing.

“Ok, she didn’t say that, exactly, but she did let me keep it.” You looked at her with sparkly eyes, giggling with excitement. “Will you help me try it? The shows are killing me, and I’ve been dying to use it the whole week.”

Giselle stopped staring at the thing with disgust, looking at you instead. “Why didn’t you?” She asked, curiously.

“Why didn’t I what?” You frowned at her question, too busy with your phone: Karina was asking if you wanted to go swimming later. The Uchinaga grabbed your phone, throwing it away to the other side of her big bed. “Hey!” You protested, shooting her a hard glance.

“Why didn’t you use it, then, if you were dying to all week?” She repeated herself, already feeling her core heatening up. Specially when you refused to look at her in the eyes, shrugging weakly.

“Because you know best.” You answered shyly, remembering her words from the dorm, on the other day. “Right?”

Giselle’s eyes darkened, and she stood her hand for you to take, guiding you to the middle of the bed. She smirked, perhaps a bit too wickedly, caressing your long hair until her fingers ran out of length.

“Right, of course.”

-

You caught yourself looking at her eagerly, hands on your sides to see what she’d do, following her lead towards the center of the bed.

Sure, you could be in your room, pleasuring yourself, but you’ve tried to — too many times, and none of them felt as good as the pleasure you’ve had with Giselle’s fingers. Also, you two were friends, right? And it was just sex, as she’d said it before. Nothing changed between you after that day at the dorm, so surely nothing would change now. You just needed a little help.

She was still only staring at you, which made you look away, feeling your face start to get red.

“Aren’t you going to do anything?” You mumbled, impatient and embarrassed to have her focus solemn on you.

“You need to undress first, Yn.” She said, giggling. You pouted, knowing you were still too shy to do it, but she cut you off before you could whine. “Don’t you want me to help? I can’t do it if you’re still so full of layers.” Giselle gestured to your clothes. Seeing how you still made no move to take them off, she got closer, tapping the hems of your top. “Come on, Yn. We’ve been past this. You have a beautiful body, ok? Stunning, even. And I want to see you.”

Her words helped you gain a little more confidence, and you really wanted to get yourself off, so you quickly removed your top and your shorts, panties following with much more ease than last time. Your bandmate’s hands went straight to your breasts, pinching your nipples slightly as she checked for your reaction, grinning when she was met with the sound of your moans.

“N-no teasing.” You told her as Giselle’s mouth went straight to one of your breasts, her other hand massaging the neglected one with a squeeze.

“But your tits are so pretty, Yn.” She praised, mouth leaving your chest with a trail of saliva in her mouth. She cleaned it off, reveling herself with how hungry you looked at her eyes.

Giselle had waited, eagerly, for you to come back to her, not wanting to make things awkward or to have you uncomfortable in the slightest. You were friends and bandmates, most importantly, and she wouldn’t trade that for any sex in the world.

So when you showed up with that horrid green thing in your hands, Giselle already knew she’d have a handful, having to remind herself to take things slow; you were still too naive, and she’d teach you just right, without rushing anything.

But fuck her if you staring at her with your big, doe eyes full of lust didn’t nearly make her lose it all and straight up fuck you until you were crying and begging for her to stop.

You pushed yourself further to face her front, so close you could feel her breathing, too. It was fast, erratic, and it made you smile to know you riled her up as much as she did to you. Your fingers caressed her arms, pleading with your sweetest voice. “I want to see you too, Unnie. Pretty please? You didn’t let me last time.” You reminded her, making Giselle laugh and distance herself to take her clothes off, this time.

“Your reward for asking so sweetly, then.” She said, winking at you as you took her in. She was beautiful, almost alluringly so, and it made you salivate at the thought of making her shudder, too. However, you knew she wouldn’t allow that to happen now, so you let yourself be pulled back to the big pillows of the bed as Giselle reached for the green toy, pressing it on the lowest mode.

You can’t seem to take your eyes off her as she spat onto her hand, bringing it to your pussy as her saliva is spread in your slit, humming in delight as it mixes it with your growing wetness. It makes you moan loudly, reaching for her to get a glimpse of her touch, her skin—anything. She was still focused, though, toying with you as she grins.

“So soaked already, baby? But we’ve barely started playing.” You mumbled something entirely incoherent, closing your eyes as you felt her fingers teasing in, two of them circling you up and down. She rubbed a few circles on your clit before entering sloppily, the sounds of it echoing through the room with your moans.

You felt a light tug on your hair, but Giselle’s mouth was soon all over your collarbone. Before you could even complain, she was sucking and marking your skin, your moans escalating with each passing moment. As much as you love to have her mouth on you— and God, you love it so much, you need more, and it doesn’t take much to make you into a pleading mess. You mutter pleases and mores until the words from your mouth make no sense to your brain anymore: all you can think is how hot your skin feels, and how slow Giselle’s fingers are working on you.

“Do you need something else, pup?” The older girl asks, looking at you greedily as you whine.

Of course, Giselle knows exactly what you want, what you need. You reached out to her asking for it, after all. Yet, she will still make you beg.

Her nose brushes your ear as she takes her fingers out of you completely now, making her busy with spreading your wetness all over your abdomen. “You look… restless. If you want something, you just have to say it, you know? I promise I’ll give it to you.”

She’s mean, and you so desperately want to smack that sneaky grin out of her face. However, her humid fingers are pinching your nipples, and the curses slip from your thoughts. Your mind is clouded by the urge of surrendering to her, so she’ll give what you so desperately want as fast as possible.

“I w-want.” You try to say, but she’s sucking on your sensitive breasts once again, already so sensitive from her teasing before and— “Oh, fuck! Please…”

“I do need more than just pleases, though.” Her strong hands squeezed your boobs, making you let out a low growl. It was painful, but how come it felt so good? You couldn’t master the feeling. “Say it, and it’s yours. What do you want, Yn?” She indulged, loving to see your reactions.

You were too spoiled for your own good. Being the maknae had its privileges, you’d say. The girls— all of them, often showered you with praises and presents, taking extra care to do whatever you asked them to. Wether it was to fetch some water later at night because you hated to get through the dark hallway of the dorm to go to the kitchen; or changing a step in the new choreography because you felt too silly doing it, and it made you uncomfortable; they’d spoil you rotten: you’d never have to say the same thing twice. Just think about it, and it was done for you.

Naturally, Giselle making you beg made you restless. It made you hate yourself, too, with how wet you got from her making you do it— humiliate yourself for her. How much you loved to be completely at her mercy.

“I want the, f-fuck. You to fuck me with the vibrator. Now.” She lifted an eyebrow at your impatient tone, but you held her gaze with defiance.

“Forgetting our manners, are we?” Giselle asked, gripping your chin as she muttered against your breath. “Do I have to let you do it yourself, then? If you’re so sure of it?”

“No!” You pleaded, all the confidence gone from your tone as you held her, to keep her from going away. “Please, please fuck me, unnie. You know it feels better when you do it.” The older girl laughs as you try to use all your strength to pull her in. “I can take it, I swear. I’ve been p-practicing.”

Giselle’s eyes went dark again, and she cocked her head at you.

“What do you mean by practicing?” She was no longer touching you now. It was almost painful to not have her on you, and you already missed the sensation of your skin on fire, all red, bruised and filled with her saliva. “Have you been touching yourself without me, Yn?” Her tone was harsh, and it made you recoil a bit at her coldness, stuttering as you whispered.

“Maybe?” Her touch was back, thankfully, though slightly different from before. It was decisive, intense—almost rasp, the way her hands squeezed your hips, your thighs, your arms, no longer caring about not leaving marks or scratches on your tanned skin. You were sure there was a big pool of wetness on the sheets, and she hadn’t even used the damn toy on you yet.

God, she was so hot like this, handling you the way she wanted to.

“We will have none of that, baby.” She announced, suckling— no, biting on your neck harshly before retreating to grab the vibrator. “I’m just going to have to teach you the hard way, then.”

It certainly shouldn’t arouse you that much.

-

You watched eagerly as Giselle positioned the vibrator against your cunt, biting her lip at the sight of you: hair clinging onto your back, skin marked in bruises, with your beautiful chest moving up and down fast from excitement.

“I still don’t think you can take it, though.” She told you as she entered the tip of the toy on your slit. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make you wince at the discomfort.

You did want this, though. You wanted more.

“I want this. Please.” You reminded her, trying to push yourself, so it’d reach deeper. Giselle immediately gripped your hips, stopping you from moving. “I can take it, I promise.”

She compelled to your wishes, positioning herself a bit higher so she could start thrusting on you. It did hurt, and you winced. She went slow at first, kissing your neck as her muttered praises against your skin, nibbling her teeth through the skin.

“Don’t tense, baby. Just take deep breaths for me, okay?” She asked as you nodded, slowly soaking in with each thrust. She kept the toy a little deeper with each passing time, and soon your groans were replaced with moans of pleasure. It still burned, but the combo of her soothing your skin and the repeated movements made you cry for more.

“More, please.” You said, bucking your hips, so she’d speed her rhythm. When Giselle didn’t, you grabbed her wrist, forcing the vibrator against your cunt, hoping it’d reach deeper. Your erratic movements, however, made her nails immediately dig into your thighs.

Shortly, she switched back, her other hand brushing your neck teasingly as she opened a dangerous smirk.

“Do you want to do this on your own? Since you’re so eager to take the lead yourself.” Your bandmate asked, her cocky tone matching the way she looked down on you. It wasn’t a sight you were used to, being taller than her and constantly towering over the older girl, but it aroused you just the same.

You simply denied, being slapped on your thighs in response. “Words, Yn.”

“N-no.”

“No, what?”

“I want you to d-do it for me.” you placed wet kisses on her neck, a whiny mess. “Please, Unnie. Please make me cum.”

And just like that, the green piece was positioned on your slit again, making you shudder.

Giselle thrusted the toy all the way in, making you scream as you gasped for air. Her eyes were trained on your pussy, adjusting herself, so she’d give your clit attention, too. It was too fast for you, with the pleasure building up in quick waves down your abdomen.

“Wait! It’s too mu-“ You tried to say, but Giselle locked her lips on yours with hunger. She licked your lips sloppily, not once motioning to listen to your pleadings.

“Wait for what?” she mocked your tone, wasting no time pushing the dildo all the way in. “You said you could take it, right? That you were ready?” her pupils were blown, and she had a wicked grin on her face—if you weren’t so focused on getting your breath and adjusting to the pain of being stretched, you’d notice how much she was enjoying herself. God, she loved to have this power over you. Of how you were so quick to beg, completely on her mercy, ready to do whenever she wanted you to. “So take it.”

Giselle kept marking you, alternating between kissing your lips and leaving hickeys on your neck— like you weren’t on tour and wearing such revealing outfits lately. “You should see yourself like this, Yn.” She murmured as her fingers circled your clit roughly, applying trained pressure and making you feel sure you’d go crazy at any given moment. You rolled your eyes, drunk with all the different sensations. “So pretty, doing so good.” The praise grounded you, making you hum as you clung onto her, lifting your back from the cushions, so you’d be even closer.

You felt the pleasure completely overcome you, making you scratch Giselle’s back without thinking about being gentle, either.

“I’m going to c-cum.” You announced, hoping she wouldn’t try to make you wait. You wouldn’t be able to, since your orgasm quickly overcame you, along with the strange sensation of having to pee straight away. It didn’t help that your bandmate hadn’t stopped thrusting, either. If only, she’d resumed her movements to slow thrusts, making sure to twist and play with the green toy however she saw fit.

“Beautiful.” It was the only thing she said, and it was making you crazy that she wouldn’t stop. With her eyes trained on your body, she saw the way your abdomen was still fast in its movements, trying to match your heavy breathing.

You mumbled, scooping her as you felt Giselle take the toy away from your pussy to place herself next to you. She knew how needy you got after you came, so the girl quickly gathered you in her arms as she kissed your hair, murmuring praises and sweet things to you.

“M’ tired.” You told her, even though you knew you had to get yourself cleaned up.

“I know, baby. I’ll help you, though. You won’t have to do much.” She grabbed a great piece of your hair— which was drenched in sweat, moving it away from your sweaty body.

Her words made you giggle. You specially liked when she took care of you, even more in moments like these, although it still made you reluctant to accept her help. “I can do it by myself, Unnie. It’s ok.” You assured her, staring at her adorable pout.

It amused you how quickly she would switch on those situations.

“Of course you can.” Giselle blushed, suddenly shy. Her tone was hesitant as she continued, her fingers lightly tracing your collarbone, still all red and coated with her dry saliva. “It doesn’t mean you should, though. You’re tired, and probably very sore. Let me, please? I can even give you that massage you’ve been whining so much to get.” She offered, and you took a moment to think about it.

It wasn’t the wisest decision, to be this close after such an intimate moment, specially when the two of you had a silent agreement to make it just about sex. About pleasure.

But you were tired, sore, and needy, so you allowed yourself to be held by Giselle as she took you to the bathtub, washing you up and changing the messy, bloodied sheets before you nested yourself on her million cushions.

“Just this once.” You told her, crawling towards the middle of her bed with wet hair and one of her silk pajamas — the ones you loved and Giselle always hid, so you wouldn’t steal from her.

The message was clear: no attachments, just friendship and sex. It was as simple as daylight.

As if any of you could have a clear idea over whatever your silent agreement was.

Giselle nodded, cuddling you as she turned the tv on, scrolling over Netflix for the drama she had been watching lately.

“Sure.” She said, although her tone bore a bit of mockery as she watched you besides her, eyes closed and a peaceful look on your face, as if you hadn’t gotten railed like crazy earlier. “Just this once.” She repeated herself, in a low tone.

You slept soundly for the first time in days.

-

“I messaged Karina, by the way.” You heard her say, moments before you drifted off. “Told her you weren’t feeling so good, so you’d skip the pool.”

You scoffed, mumbling with closed eyes.

“I wanted to go swimming, though.” You felt Giselle poke your ribs, and you tried your best not to laugh, pretending you were mad at her. “Kill joy.”

“I should just let her knock on your door, then, since you always close it properly.” She teased, making you flutter your eyes open, embarrassed.

“You wouldn’t!”

She laughed soundly, loving to mock you. “Oh, Y/n. I would.”

[anipgarden]

What to Do Once Things Are Planted?

This is my seventh post in a series I’ll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps! 

So you’ve gotten started on making a garden to boost biodiversity! 10/10, excellent work! So, now what?

First, you’ll need to keep watering the plants--especially if you’re going through a dry season. Native plants will be more acclimated to your area’s seasonal weather, but they’ll need a helping hand while they’re getting established--especially if you’re starting with young, tender seedlings. With that in mind, if you accidentally skip out on crucial watering days, don't panic! There's been tons of times where I haven't watered for an entire summer and had perennials come back the next spring! Even this year, during a heatwave, I completely did not water my swamp milkweeds, but they're already popping back up! You may also need to go in and weed, especially if you’re seeing invasive species popping up in the garden. Invasives are no good--if you do anything, do your best to get those out as effectively and safely as possible!

If you’re needing to maintain your shrubs in spring and summer, double check to make sure there are no active bird or insect nests within them. If it’s possible to wait until later to cut your shrubs, it could be extremely beneficial.

When fall and winter come around and your plants begin to die back, don’t cut them away if you can! Many insects overwinter in the plant stems left behind as perennials die back to the roots. In addition, birds will use seed heads as a source of food over the winter. Try not to clean things up until late winter/early spring, when other food sources are beginning to come back and things are growing again. By then, the insects should be waking up and leaving the plant stems as well.

However, don’t let this discourage you from collecting seeds! Collecting seed from your plants is a great way to continue gardening at low cost, as��well as making friends and encouraging others to garden by trading seeds or offering them as gifts. If you're in an area where you do need to cut back, this is a great opportunity to collect the seeds and save them for the future. You could also cut back what’s dying in the front yard and keep things to overwinter in the backyard. Some overwintering habitat is better than no overwintering habitat.

Want to know how to collect seeds from specific plants? I've found YouTube to be a great source of info for this! Knowing what you're doing and when is key to getting a viable harvest.

As your mulch begins to break down, you’ll need to keep adding more to top it off, if you can. It can get a bit repetitive, but no worries--the mulch breaking down means your soil is improving! 

If possible, add to your garden! Expand, add in new things, and keep encouraging the growth of native plants. If you couldn’t add that water feature in year one, see if you can in year two! New interest in birds? Add a birdhouse, or more bird feeders. Loving the butterflies? Add plenty more nectar-rich plants, or do more research into what they lay their eggs on! Want more color? See what else you can add in! Came into some new pots to expand your flowerpot garden with? Find cool native plants to put in them! I always encourage people to start small and then expand over time, as opposed to starting big and getting overwhelmed.

Keep learning and observing native species of birds, insects, mammals, etc. See what’s coming to your yard now, and look into how you can improve things more for them on your budget. If you aren’t seeing what you were hoping, see if there’s other actions you can take that’ll attract what you’re hoping to see in your backyard habitat. Knowing more about the world around you makes it easier to know how to help the world around you. Talk to others about what you’re doing, the changes you’ve made, and the results you’ve seen! Curious neighbors? Work friends? Your closest homies? Your family? All fair game! You just might be the one who gets someone else interested in making their space a habitat for local wildlife!

That’s the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about the secret Other Thing you can do to help biodiversity--tackling invasives! Until then, I hope this advice was helpful! Feel free to reply with any questions, your success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!

[hannie-dul-set]

six quick and easy hacks to 🆙 the quality of your fanfiction!

as promised, here it is! i’m not here to tell you how to plot out your story, or how to write your characters’ personalities. the tips i’m sharing are more on formatting and structure, secret (not really) cheat codes to instantaneously make your already written work even better! 

my qualifications? being a tumblr hag for over five years (my even more embarrassing pre k-pop writeblr included!) so i’ve unlocked quite a bit of secrets and discovered some eurekas throughout my time here HAHAHAH. anyway, let’s start!

#1 VARIETY IN PARAGRAPH LENGTHS, SENTENCE LENGTHS, AND SENTENCE STARTERS.

nothing turns me off more than seeing paragraph blocks after paragraph blocks when looking for some new fics to read, especially when you’re reading from a cramped up device such as your phone.

when i write a lengthy paragraph, i try to follow it up with a one-liner, or a mid-sized one. but it’s something i consciously keep track of— when i noticed that, “oh, this gdoc is getting a little too wordy, a little too chunky,” i make sure that my next paragraph is significantly shorter than the current one because it keeps the entire page interesting. one to two sentences of lines of paragraphs after another and another doesn’t look pretty. chunks of paragraphs after paragraphs is boring.

make your pages visually dynamic by ensuring variety.

like this, for example.

→ fic: home for the bitchless.

seeing a large chunk of text and a singular line immediately after also sort of forces your reader to stick around and read an otherwise intimidating lengthy paragraph because— oh! what could have possibly led to that singular like of dialogue or thought! #subtlemanipulation you get me? 😔🤙

this rule of mine applies to sentences and phrases within the paragraph as well!

→ fic: love vomit.

and as a bonus, you can use paragraph breaks and cuts to your advantage! manipulating the way a sentence or paragraph ends in a certain way makes your works more rhythmic! and, when you play it around the right way, abrupt cuts and breaks also add the right mood and drama to your work!

→ drabble: the boy who cried wolf.

part three of tip number one (one…we’re still at number one…) is on sentence and paragraph starters. i keep it as a rule of thumb that if i start a paragraph with “you,” or with someones name, i don’t use it again in the next one to avoid monotony. it’s a very miniscule thing really, and i doubt that people notice this HAHAHA but this is something i religiously swear by because repetitions like this are visually boring.

→ wip: sunwater.

of course, this can’t be avoided all the time, and repeating the sentence starter “You” or any other pronoun, word, or phrase can be intentionally utilized to strongly drive a point. just don’t overdo it!

→ drabble: patience, patience.

→ blurb: monsters don’t hide under the bed.

→ fic: the psychology of strawberries.

there are other good and strategic uses for repetitions as well! we’ll get to that later.

lastly, variety in sentence and paragraph starters doesn’t simply mean changing up the first word. things can still get really boring even if you use “you” or a character’s name interchangeably if your sentence structure remains the same.

this, for example, is monotonous.

the structure (and length) of all three sentences are the same. A does this. B does this. A does this. and even if you switch things up but still use the same sentence structure, it still falls flat. case in point, below, a structure i often see in a lot of fics i stumble across.

those are flat. those are boring. they don’t…you know…make you feel something, even when you follow the rule of not using the same starter twice. let me try improving it by adding more variety in the sentences (+ adding a tip that i’ll be discussing right after!)

the word “He” here is used twice to create a rhythm and draw emphasis, but the rest of the excerpt maintains a sense of variety to make the narrative more interesting and compelling to read.

*

#2 PICK A POV AND STICK WITH IT.

before i start a scene, a drabble, or blurb, the first question i ask myself is, “whose point of view do i want it to be in?”

one, it’s a lot neater, more organized, than omniscient point of views in my opinion (unless you’re like a super fucking skilled writer of course HAHAHHA). two, it allows for a bit of mystery, suspense, and engagement because you don’t have access to what other people are thinking about, and three— in line with the first tip— when you know whose brain you’re in when writing, it allows for more dynamic narrations, gives you an excuse to be messy because our internal thoughts are messy as well, and makes the writing a hell of a lot easier when you’re focused on monologuing one person alone!

when writing shorter fics, drabbles, or blurbs, i swear by this rule, no excuses HAHAHAH but when writing longer fics, sometimes i switch around the point of views per scene, just to make a more well rounded story.

sometimes, the point of view doesn’t even have to be any of the main character’s! writing from an external POV is also really fun and adds another layer of interest. see example below, a Jeonghan breakup fic written exclusively from the perspective of the outsiders. very fun idea! 

breakup scene written in Seungcheol’s POV.

another squabble written in Seungkwan’s POV.

→ wip: the breakup soup.

*

#3 REPETITIONS AND THEMES = COHESIVENESS.

this section contains tricks on how to wrap up your fics into one cohesive little present with a pretty ribbon on top! 

first is the use of repetition. use a cool funky line at the beginning of your story, and reuse/rehash/revise it at the end for a neat finish, especially when you have trouble figuring out a way to end your story (lifesaving hack! trust me!) 

i use this mostly in my shorter works—

→ drabble: you’re my bucket list.

→ blurb: louder.

—but it works just as well with longer fics, especially when the repetition is all throughout, and not just at the start and finish.

→ fic: mogi.

sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be a repeated phrase or line! it can be a little gimmick and it’d still work to make your fic cohesive! for example, in the fic below, i use the giving of strawberry candy/strawberry kisses to tie all the different scenes together because this was initially a set of separate drabble ideas wrapped into one long fic.

→ fic: the psychology of strawberries.

and for this one (another ricky fic….yes…..) i use the whole cat metaphor to do the same. 

→ drabble: yours to keep.

the next tip to make your work cohesive is to grab a singular theme, object, whatever, and take advantage of it for your narration HAHAHAHHA this can be better explained by looking at the examples below.

theme: citrus.

→ drabble: citrus in the morning.

theme: storm.

→ blurb: blizzard.

the above examples are my shorter works, but it can work for longer fics as well! just check out this 36k word monster HAHAHAHHA.

theme: seasons.

→ fic: love vomit.

these are very simple ways to make your fic more put together! even if it’s just a simply blurb about a confession, adding a theme to aid the imagery bumps your fic quality to a +++++

*

#4 THROW AWAY THE Y/N’S!

now this one is quite honestly just a personal nitpick HAHAHHAHA but seeing the word Y/N when i’m reading something really pulls me out of my immersion. (and i only stopped using Y/N’s in my fics at the start of my 2023 comeback….so if you see my older works still using it…hahahha please don’t prosecute me).

anyway, you can do this either by embedding it in the narration—

→ fic: star studded baggage.

—or by using nicknames and titles instead!

→ wip: the breakup soup.

→ fic: can’t handle this.

*

#5 GET INTO THE (UN)NECESSARY SPECIFICS.

instead of just saying “Your professor called you,” grab a random last name and say “Prof Yoon asked to see you in his office.” instead of saying you went to the cafe, the mall, the store, grab an actual place or make one up because no one in the world says “they’re going to the cafe to grab a frappe,” (unless the store’s name is actually The Cafe). people say they’re going to Dunkin Donuts or Coffeebreak or wherever.

sure it’s not plot relevant, sure it’s not integral, but little things like this make your narrative and dialogue a lot more realistic and less awkward. it makes it seem like your characters are actually living inside a world of their own.

*

#6 GRAMMAR AND FORMATTING.

these are given HAHA but when i talk about grammar, i mean making sure that the commas and periods are consistently inside the quotation marks when writing dialogue. i mean minimizing the use of italics because overusing it can ruin the reading experience of a good piece (i was guilty of this too!) and i mean making sure that the use of tenses are consistent all throughout (unless if it’s a creative and plot choice), because all these things really matter if you want your fic, drabble, or blurb to be of overall high quality.

and that’s basically it! hope these tips help somehow...hope i’m not revealing my secrets for naught and someone can actually put them to good use HHAHAHHA what’s most important obviously is that you’re having fun with what you’re writing…etc. etc. insert inspirational you can do it speech here.

anyway, happy new year! and happy reading and writing<33

[alexa-fika]

Tough Swordplay ( Mihawk x gn!winged!child!reader)

A/N: We’ve got a slightly older Reader in this one, around 10? Enough for them to reach that sass stage 🙄 IT’s BREWING GUYS, THE IDEAS ARE BREWING, MY BRAIN IS OVERFLOWING. I have ideas for more Dracule!Reader Shanks!Reader , Bro even Donquixote!Reader (of the better brother of course 😳) and even more fandoms!

I also wanted to take a small second to thank you guys, it has been my dream to have my little group of people who I can share my writing with and receive reactions from, to share opinions on! So thank you!

Dividers by @/saradika

They jump out of the way just in time to evade their father's attack only to miss the very next attack and end up falling to the ground

“Ow, I almost had it.”

Mihawk sheathed his sword as he watched.

“Hm, you are improving; your reaction time is better... You still need a lot of improvement” He said flatly.

They pout pulling two more long feathers from their wings, wielding them like swords as they got into position once again

“That’s much better... You’re finally starting to understand the difference between defending and attacking. Your footwork could use some work.” He said rapidly unsheathing Yoru.

“Your feet are too heavy and are slowing down your balance and agility, and you overcorrect when you are pushed off-balance. The moment my attack forces you back is the moment you have already lost.” He points out

“You are too eager to make your next attack. When defending and attacking there is a window of opportunity. When your opponent attacks, that is your window to strike.”

They frown, dashing towards him, ready to strike

He waited patiently for their attack while his own hands were in a position. As they struck, Mihawk used their own momentum to redirect the attack over himself before he countered, forcing them to stumble.

“Your form of attack lacks a proper flow. You should not be predictable. Instead of dashing at me, try to mix your movements.”

“Don't let your opponent know your next move. Be fast, unpredictable, and most importantly, be ready to react.”

“Agh! If you want unpredictably, you got it, idiot!” they growl as more feathers fall from their wings and are sent their father's way, immediately regretting both the action and their words.

“Oops…W-Wait, dad I din’t mean to,” they chuckle nervously

Mihawk narrowed his eyebrows but couldn’t contain his smile.

“... Impressive.”

“Just as I expected, you are improving,” Mihawk replied as he was finally able to be pleased.

“Your unpredictability was great, but... You are still rather obvious as your attacks tend to be slow and your footing heavy.” He added in.

They sigh in relief at their words only to wince at his following words

“However, I thought I had told you this was sword training. Did I not warn you against using your other attacks and focusing on your sword? And what was it that you call me earlier?”

“H-hah w-well, it was just an accident, a slip up!”

“Accidents are just convenient excuses for a lack of commitment,” Mihawk said, sharply approaching his kid.

A sharp wine can be heard across the training ground.

“Dad, it has been an hour of me practicing this sword move, can I please stop now? I learned my lesson!” They whine, a bump prominent on the back of their head part of the punishment they had received for their slip up; currently they were serving the second part of their punishment, stuck doing the very same sword movement repetition with a wooden practice sword

“... Another hour.”

“Come on! I said it was an accident!”

“An accidental misuse of your power is still a misuse in my book. I warned you about mixing up your attack style and you disobeyed what I said. You are too reliant on your wings” Mihawk replied, not moving a muscle, now sitting nearby with the newspaper

“Accidental misuse,” they grumble mockingly

Mihawk doesn’t flinch as he continues reading the newspaper.

“I heard that,” Mihawk said sharply without looking away from the newspaper.

“Just for that, make it three hours.”

“Come on!”

They pout, continuing their movements with the wooden sword

‘Jerk,’

“Five.”

“W-w- But I didn’t even do anything this time; I din’t even say anything!”

Mihawk raises an eyebrow with a small smirk appearing on his face for a brief second before disappearing.

“Im you’re father. I raised you, and I know what you are thinking just by your expressions.”

“Sorry, Dad” they mumble, getting back to their sword practice

Mihawk sighs, now with a small smile on his face.

“I am merely trying to help you improve. You cannot afford any mistakes. You must be ready for anything. You know full well that the world isn’t like some practice room, and even the slightest mistakes in a fight against your enemy can cost you everything,” Mihawk said, his voice being far kinder than before.

“I know…

“Good,” Mihawk replied as he watched over their kid.

“I know that I may come off as harsh at times, but that is because I care about you. The last thing that I would want is for you to end up dead because of a mistake or for some weakling to look down on you.” Mihawk said with a sigh.

They smile at him

“Thank you, dad”

“You're welcome... But it still does not diminish the length of this punishment.” Mihawk replied with a smirk.

“Seriously?! After all that?! That's so stupid!”

“…What was that?”

“W-wait!”

“OW! THAT ONE HURT! IM SORRY!”

They jump out of the way just in time to evade their father's attack only to miss the very next attack and end up falling to the ground

“Ow, I almost had it.”

Mihawk sheathed his sword as he watched.

“Hm, you are improving; your reaction time is better.”

“... You still need a lot of improvement, however.” He said flatly.

They pout pulling two more long feathers from their wings, wielding them like swords as they got into position once again

“That’s much better... You’re finally starting to understand the difference between defending and attacking.”

“However... Your footwork could use some work.”

“Your feet are too heavy and are slowing down your balance and agility, and you overcorrect when you are pushed off-balance. The moment my attack forces you back is the moment you have already lost.”

“You are too eager to make your next attack. When defending and attacking there is a window of opportunity. When your opponent attacks, that is your window to strike.”

They frown, dashing towards ready to strike

He waited patiently for their attack while his own hands were in a position. As they struck, Mihawk used their own momentum to redirect the attack over himself before he countered, forcing them to stumble..

“Your form of attack lacks a proper flow. You should not be predictable. Instead of dashing at me, try to mix your movements.”

“Don't let your opponent know your next move. Be fast, unpredictable, and most importantly, be ready to react.”

“Agh! If you want unpredictably, you got it, idiot!” they growl as more feathers fall from their wings and are sent their father's way

“Oops…W-Wait, dad I din’t mean to,” they chuckle nervously

Mihawk narrowed his eyebrows but couldn’t contain his smile.

“... Impressive.”

“Just as I expected, you are improving,” Mihawk replied as he was finally able to be pleased.

“Your unpredictability was great, however... You are still rather obvious as your attacks tend to be slow and your footing heavy.” He added in.

They sigh in relief at their words only to wince at his following words

“However, I thought I had told you this was sword training. Did I not warn you against using your other attacks and focusing on your sword?”

“H-hah w-well, it was just an accident…”

“Accidents are just convenient excuses for a lack of commitment,” Mihawk said, sharply approaching his kid

A sharp wine can be heard across the training ground

“Dad, it has been an hour of me practicing this sword move, can I please stop now? I learned my lesson!” They whine, a bump prominent on the back of their head part of the punishment they had received for their mishap; currently they were serving the second part of their punishment, stuck doing the very same sword movement repetition with a wooden practice sword

“... Another hour.”

“Come on! I said it was an accident!”

“An accidental misuse of your power is still a misuse in my book. I warned you about mixing up your attack style and you disobeyed what I said. You are too reliant on your wings” Mihawk replied, not moving a muscle, now sitting nearby with the newspaper

“Accidental misuse,” they grumble mockingly

Mihawk doesn’t flinch as he continues reading the newspaper; he glances up at them, narrowing their eyes.

“I heard that,” Mihawk said sharply without looking away from the newspaper.

“Just for that, make it three hours.”

“Come on!”

They pout, continuing their movements with the wooden sword

‘Jerk,’ they think to themselves

“Five.”

“W-w- But I didn’t even do anything this time; I din’t even say anything!”

Mihawk raises an eyebrow with a small smirk appearing on his face for a brief second before disappearing.

“Im you’re father. I raised you, and i know what you are thinking just by your expressions.”

“Sorry, Dad” they mumble, getting back to their sword practice

Mihawk sighs, now with a small smile on his face.

“I am merely trying to help you improve. You cannot afford any slip-ups. You must be ready for anything. You know full well that the world isn’t like some practice room, and even the slightest mistakes in a fight against your enemy can cost you everything,” Mihawk said, his voice being far kinder than before.

“I know…

“Good,” Mihawk replied as he watched over their kid.

“I know that I may come off as harsh at times, but that is because I care about you. The last thing that I would want is for you to end up dead because of a mistake or for some weakling to look down on you.” Mihawk said with a sigh.

They smile at him

“Thank you, dad”

“You're welcome... But it still does not diminish the length of this punishment.” Mihawk replied with a smirk.

“Seriously?! After all that?! That's so stupid! You’re stupid!”

“…What was that?”

“W-wait!”

“OW! THAT ONE HURT! IM SORRY!”

GUYS AM I COOKING OR WHAT?! We got the wholesomeness, we got the tough love, we got the small smiles and smirks from Mihawk TELL ME I DIN’T COOK RIGHT HERE.

Taglist:

@imaginarydreams

[heartrobynn]

01. “The start of nothing.”

I ask everyone who interacts with this account to educate themselves, support, and donate to Palestine.

Please click to support Palestine, won’t take more than 20 seconds.

Author note: This is my first fanfic I’ve ever made, so if this is really butt I apologize on my behalf! 😥 I’d also really appreciate it if given criticism, so I can try to improve my writing!! Honestly, I was gonna scrap this because I hate how it turned out, but I would’ve felt bad since people were excited for it.

series masterlist

Word count: 1.6k

“BUZZ!! BUZZ!!”, the bulky alarm clock that sits on your nightstand sang. Mumbles escaped your lips as you slowly started to awaken from your slumber. Getting irritated from the repetitive siren, you forced yourself up and unplugged the whole device. “Fucking hell.”, you mumbled to yourself, already knowing today was gonna be a long day. Every semester, everyone’s schedule gets changed because you’re required to take 4 classes each semester, unless you have release time. Last Friday, everyone got their schedule and you came to find out you have no classes with your two closest friends, Arianna and Maia. Which you were really annoyed about because you don’t really talk to anyone else. (But hey, at least you guys have lunch with each other!!) It’s not even like you cannot make friends, you just kinda choose not to, better to keep your friend group small anyways. 

After staring into the abyss for 5 minutes, trying to gain your consciousness, you decided to do something productive and hopped in the shower. After refreshing yourself for the day, you decided to wear an oversized, multi neutral color sweater and some dull colored jeans that weren’t your exact size, but not exactly over sized either. You added some jewels to your fit, so you looked less dead. Not having the energy to put on your usual makeup routine, you decided to apply mascara to your lashes and wore your favorite lip combo. After you were satisfied by how you looked, you grabbed your headphones and headed down stairs. 

“Morning sleeping beauty, how was your sleep last night?”, voice coming from the man sitting down on the table chair, reading the latest newspaper like the old man he is. “Morning papa! My sleep was decent, wished I could’ve slept in though.”, you sigh as you’re putting on your UNIF Phoebes. “You know what happened last time I let you stay home, don’t need your mother being pissy towards me.”, your father opened his mouth to add on, but decided not to say anything else at the last second. You shift around in the kitchen, grabbing the chicken wrap you made last night and a bottle of water. Walking to the door to grab your book bag and stuffing all your items necessary for the day in it, “Alright, I’m leaving now. Stay safe, love you!”, you walk out the door to see Adrianna and Maia waiting for you.

You enter the back seat of the jet black Toyota Corolla, which belonged to Adrianna. As you enter the car, your ears immediately get blasted by the lyrics coming from the aux, however since it’s Window Seat by Erykah Badu, it's a valid excuse to be blasting music that loud at 7:15. “Hey boo, you look so adorbs today!”, your effortlessly pretty friend, Maia, tells you while staring at you through the rearview mirror. “Thanks my love, feel so shitty today, so that made me feel a little better”, you groan as you start to slouch in the car seat, dreading the fact y’all would be arriving at school in the next 10 minutes. Adrianna giggles at you, you were always the dramatic one out of the trio, “Trust and believe that you can last 3 periods without us until lunch. Plus, you could use this as an opportunity to get to know more people!” Maia nods her head agreeing with Adrianna. Even though you have Maia and Adrianna, your friends really were persistent in you meeting new people, especially since this was y’all last year, they just didn’t want you regretting missing out on so many opportunities. “Sighhh, I guess I could.”, you continue to slouch in the car seat, while Adrianna starts singing her own adlibs (that she swears up and down eats) and Maia groans in annoyance because she's gonna go crazy if Adrianna continues singing.

The first day with your renewed schedule wasn’t all that bad, but wasn’t interesting either. Well, not until your third period class. Your first period was Spanish IV, you sat in the back so you won’t gather much of your teacher’s attention later in the year. Even though you enjoyed learning Spanish, you hated when your previous Spanish teachers would randomly pick on you to read out a question or sentence they had on the board. Although, as you were seated in the back of the classroom, you noticed a certain auburn hair colored girl, she really only caught your eye because she was fast asleep during the little icebreakers your teacher showcased on the board. She was so into her sleep that you almost envied her, wishing you could sleep just like a newborn baby who just got breastfed just like she was. You whipped out your phone, not wanting to look like a creep for staring so hard and scrolled through r/AITA thread until class ended. 

When the period ended, you and your friends met up with each other so y'all could walk each other to class, even if y'all had to go separate ways. “Bro there’s this girl in my class and I swear she’s the love of my life.”, Adrianna dreamily sighs thinking about the girl’s captivating beauty and her alluring smile, while you and Maia give her the stankest side eye. “Babes.., this is like the 3rd girl you swore was the love of your life in the past 2 weeks.” Adrianna redirected her attention to Maia while you added on, “no actually, and then they be the most vile looking creatures I’ve seen.”, Adrianna rolled her eyes at the both of you raining on her parade, “Why can’t y'all ever support me? If I wanna fall in love with every woman I meet, y'all supposed to be my best wingmen.” Adrianna playfully argued with the both of y'all before the warning bell rudely interrupted. “Oh shit, we gotta go. I’m not tryna get caught up in the hall sweep again.” All three of y'all quickly scattered as y'all said your goodbyes, thankfully your class was nearby, so you weren’t late!

You walked into your calculus I class, only to find there was one seat left and it was right in the front too. You already knew you were gonna despise this class, as you sat down in the seat, your teacher began to pass out papers to the class, “To those who just walked in, I’m passing out a review paper of different pre-calculus problems to refresh your memories for next class because we’ll be getting straight into the lesson.” Students around the classroom mumbling and groaning in annoyance, all you can do is just sit in silence as you’re about to fall into your inevitable doom. Your teacher hands your own paper, you look at the first question, only to find out you’re completely cooked.

After that abominable second period, you decided to go straight to your AP Physics class rather than hanging out with your friends during the passing period because you wanted to have the opportunity to pick your seat without being limited. However, that wish got immediately crushed when you walked in the classroom just to see assign seats displayed on the board, “are you fucking serious right now.” you think to yourself trying not to crash out in the middle of class. You look at the name of the girl who sat right next to you, Abigail Anderson. You’ve heard good and bad things about the girl, but you didn’t know her yourself personally, so you didn’t really have your own opinion on her. You looked away from the board scanning the room to find y’all seats, only to see the muscular girl on her phone, paying no attention to her surroundings. You sat next to her feeling really awkward, especially since she didn’t even look up at you to acknowledge your presence. 

As the bell rings, your teacher starts to explain the reason why she has y’all in assign seats. Your seatmate is your assigned partner for any class work y’all have if it requires it and completing the study guides with each other, since the curriculum cannot be fully covered in class,  you and your partner are responsible for teaching it among yourselves. You quietly celebrate in your head, relieved from the awkwardness from having to find your own partner. However, that relief is short-lived as your partner, Abby, raises her hand up, drawing the teacher’s attention. “Is there an issue, Ms. Anderson?” Your teacher asks as she views her clipboard to make sure she addressed the girl's name correctly. “Are we allowed to request a new partner?”, right then and there, a surge of embarrassment washes over you completely. “Unfortunately no, In the real world you’re gonna have to work with people you don’t want to or don’t know, so you need to get prepared for that starting now!”, your teacher firmly says. You catch a scoff and a muttered remark from Abby, being reluctant about working with you. Normally, you’d let shit slide, but today your mouth moves before you can stop. “Alright, now you’re doing entirely too fucking much, acting like I desperately wanna work with you or something.”, Abby turns her head to face you, giving you an insulting gaze before opening her obnoxious ass mouth to speak again. “Not my fault you look like an insufferable person, I personally don’t wanna work with someone who’s gonna cause me headaches.”, as she continued to speak, the more agitated you were getting, how is she gonna label you as an insufferable person when she doesn’t even fucking know shit about you?? Fuming with frustration, you're about to respond when the teacher intervenes, “Alright ladies, calm down. I don’t need any of that happening in my class, if y’all have problems with each other y’all can solve that on your own time. Anyways back to what I said previously...” As the tension eases, your teacher returns to her lesson, though the uneasy atmosphere lingers in the air. Throughout the remainder of class, your mind could only focus on the things Abby said, unable to shake the irritation she caused. 

part 02. ??

Taglist:

@elliesactualgirlfriend @desireesfics

[lizardsfromspace]

The problem with Lost's final season (full spoilers btw) isn't "unanswered questions" (after all the episode set aside to answer all the stray unanswered questions is one of the worst ones), it's that the flashsideways are bad. They're a bad idea that's not executed well

They don't feel organic to the story, but feel like they're there bc it's the final season and in final seasons you revisit old characters, and because the writers can't just remove the flash structure even if there's nothing to flash to anymore.

But the problem is that...okay. The flashbacks did hint at larger lore and connections, but each one also told a complete story about the character's life before the island, and more importantly, who they really were before the Island. It's important that Locke was in a wheelchair, but it's equally important to learn that Locke was a LARPing office worker with a desperate need to feel special. The flashforwards were pieces of a larger puzzle, but also told complete stories about how each character's life fell apart after leaving the Island.

But the flashsideways are...an AU version of everyone's first season character, running through familiar beats with some unexpected connections, but no clear reason why it matters? I remember the discussion at the time, and there was relatively little discussion of the content of the flashsideways, just a lot of discussion of what cool explanation will eventually make it all matter in retrospect. People did discuss the bigger picture of the flashforwards, but they did also discuss the character arcs to a larger degree. I guess there's the ~thrill~ of dead characters returning, but uh. Lost already had a half-dozen devices to do that and did that regularly. Lost did unexpected character connections in flashbacks since day one.

Because there's just no momentum to them. Because they don't introduce a character who knows what's going on until two-thirds of the way into the season, and deny us any explanation of what's going on until the penultimate scene of the series. At least in the flashforwards we knew they escaped the Island, even if we didn't know how. Here we have nothing

But when they do reveal what it is, it's...odd for a couple reasons. The surface level are the absurdities, like Sayid's soulmate being Shannon, Aaron entering the afterlife as a baby, and Ji-Yeon entering the afterlife as a fetus surrounded by people she never met.

At a bigger level, though, the afterlife is a place where people are drawn to work through their issues and then move on, with the people they're tied to by destiny.

That's...the Island. That's what the Island is. Did the Island fail to improve anyone but Frank and Mr. Eko? Why do they get drawn to the Island to undergo character development with everyone, then get reset to do it all again after their death?

The answer is so they can have the requisite finale warm and fuzzy ending where they all move on together, all in a church with all the other people they've spent six seasons screaming and pointing guns at.

The writers talked about story arcs and character arcs they cut from season six for lack of time, but half of each episode is devoted to a plot line that only gains emotional resonance in the finale, and that gains no real energy or interest when you do know what's going on, since the way it's set up is designed to invite theories before it's designed to lend emotional weight. Bc why should I care about a character reliving season one's flashbacks, when I uh, saw season one?

Like. Everyone complained about how repetitive Kate's flashbacks were, even in season one. Kate's on the run, she does something that shows she cares, goes back on the run. Kate has by far the thinnest backstory of any of the "major" characters. And what's the first solo flashsideways? A season one style Kate On The Run episode. They ran out of material for the basic flashbacks fairly early, and spent season four doing flashforwards, and spent season five doing flashbacks to everyone's life in the timeskip, and then the final season brings them back, but uh, she meets Claire! So it's different enough now

In the afterlife Jack has a son named David, and his arc is about his afterlife son David, because after the show made Jack interesting again in the last couple seasons by giving him new arcs we really need to go back to the "Jack's daddy issues" well, and then halfway into the finale he's just never mentioned again, and anyway, the writers later said that David was just a psychic projection of Jack's younger self. Which would've been a neat storyline to allude to in any way, instead of having the end of his storyline be everyone just kind of leaving and forgetting him

[marzmeltdown]

Halfway Sober

⌦ Pairing: Woozi x Reader ⌦ Genre(s): smut,, fluff ⌦ Warning(s): alcohol use/drunken sex (be safe),, fluff,, swearing,, unprotected sex (im not ur parent but be safe),, begging,, pet names (baby,, ),, Jihoon whimpers 😩,, mention of being sick,, ⌦ Word count: 2.04k ⌦ Summary: Your childhood best friend promised that he would come back for you. That was five years ago. But now he's back, and your family Christmas party took a turn you weren't expecting. ⌦ A/N: Doin Christmas in July. First fanfic request I'm so thankful that someone enjoyed my work enough to request work from me 😭. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! If there's anything you feel I should improve on in the future, don't hesitate to let me know! You can find progress updates on this story and everything else I write in my pinned post every Wednesday.:)

⌦ requested by: anon 🫶 ⌦ marz's request form ⌦ marz's tag list

Christmas was always your favorite holiday, not just because of the presents but also because of the smells, scenery, and memories that came with it. At least, that's how you used to feel about the holiday. Every year around this time, you'd get a text from your best friend promising that he'd be at the annual Christmas party, and every year you'd get your hopes up.

When Jihoon didn't show up, your heart would shatter into a million pieces. You knew it was no use inviting him to these Christmas parties, knowing his empty promises would leave you feeling optimistic yet doubtful at the same time. You hadn't bothered inviting him this year; you were slowly accepting that the idol life was better than anything he had here. You knew you were being dramatic, but the constant letdown made it hard for you to think any other way.

Christmas time started to feel stale and repetitive to you now that Jihoon wasn't there. You would text him, he would promise to be there, you'd get your hopes up, and then you'd cry while you cleaned up after everyone left for the night. It was like your brain was in this sort of unbreakable pattern; it knew the outcome, but breaking the pattern wasn't an option.

So there you stood, with all of your friends cramped inside your small New York apartment. Your brain was becoming overstimulated with the number of senses to take in all at once.

"Have you heard from Jihoon at all?" Your friend asked as she filled her cup with whiskey-spiked eggnog. You shook your head, taking a sip of the thick, cinnamon and whiskey-flavored milk drink.

"No, I didn't invite him this year," you shrugged as the two of you walked back into the living room where everyone was sat, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, singing horribly to overplayed music, and your cat swatting one of the baubles that hung a little too low to the ground off the tree.

"Why not?" She asked, stopping in the foyer with wide eyes as if she thought those words would never have left your mouth. You opened your mouth to speak when the sound of someone's fist hitting your front door with just enough force to make their presence known rang through your ears. You furrowed your brow as your eyes moved from your friend's shocked expression to the entrance of your home.

"Who's here?" Your friend asked.

"I don't know; everyone should be here already," you said as you made your way to the front door. You pressed your body against the paint-chipped hardwood as your eye peered through the peephole.

The figure that stood before your front door made your insides feel like they were going to fall from their respective places. Your hand moved from the door to the knob, opening it slowly as if you were trying to convince yourself that he was really standing there.

"Jihoon…" You said softly when the door opened enough to see the man's smiling face. You didn't give him time to register a response or even your actions as you pulled him into a hug, crying into his winter coat.

The rest of the night turned into a red and green blur as you knocked back enough drinks to sedate a baby elephant—figuratively, of course. You and Jihoon had not so gracefully excused yourselves to your bedroom after the two of you were caught making out against your kitchen counter.

You had dreamed of this day, though being under the influence wasn't in the plan. But would the two of you have done this if you were in the right state of mind? Probably not. Something about courage in a bottle.

Your bed had never felt hotter as the two of you sloppily tore off the fabric that worked as a barrier to protect your skin from one another. The two of you kissed with a level of passion you'd only read about in books. Jihoon's hands were surprisingly skillful, even despite his inebriated state. His hands ran up the sides of your calves, the insides of your thighs before stopping at the hem of your bra.

His fingers hinted at lifting the padded fabric to toy with your already hardening buds, but instead, he halted his movements. You opened your eyes in confusion as Jihoon pulled away, your glossed-over eyes meeting his equally glossed-over eyes.

"Is this okay?" He asked, his words slurring together as he spoke. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or how the closeness of your body made him feel like fire was running through his veins.

"Yes, Ji," you replied, impatiently reaching for the back of his head to pull him into another jaw-breaking kiss.

A soft moan left your lips in response to Jihoon's warm hands pushing past the wiring of your bra, gently squeezing at the fat that made up your breasts. Another string of small moans would leave your lips and enter his mouth each time Jihoon rolled your nipples in between his fingers.

A smirk found its way to your lips when the sound of Jihoon whining filled your ears. Jihoon pulled away from the kiss and looked at the hand on his cock as if it were instinctual. The way 'fuck' rolled off his tongue was music to your ears and pussy; it made your mouth water, and you weren't sure how much longer you could put up with foreplay.

"Ji, fuck me, please," you whimpered as his hands trailed back down the path they had taken earlier. This time, however, they stopped at your panties. It was now Jihoon's turn to wear the smirk on his face as his fingers found themselves pushing the fabric of your panties to the side so they could explore the wet cavern that was your entrance.

"We've barely started, y/n," he teased as his middle and ring fingers rubbed themselves up and down the insides of your folds.

"Ji- fuck!" You whined breathlessly, feeling Jihoon's fingers diving into the ocean between your legs. Your back arched ever so lightly in response to his fingers pumping in and out of your hole.

A chuckle left your lover's throat while he left love bites along the taut skin that was your neck and chest. Your hands found themselves buried in the black locks of his hair as his fingers pushed themselves against your walls at a steady pace.

A mewl fell from your throat each time his teeth left pale pink marks against your neck, alongside the purple bruises his mouth was gifting you with each pump of his digits.

"Fuck-Ji, please!" You begged once more as the feeling of your dam breaking threatened to make an appearance. Coincidentally, your partner and your climax were two things that you hadn't seen or felt in a very long time.

The man hummed when he took his fingers out of your cunt, tugging down at your panties as if this were his way of responding to your whines. The time it took for you to have taken your bra and panties off and for Jihoon to remove himself from his boxers was a blur; your brain didn't regain consciousness or, moreover, come back to reality until Jihoon was pumping himself inside of you.

Had you been clear-minded, you would have taken more time to adjust, but tonight you just wanted to get off. The stretch of your walls was painful, yes, but the pleasure heavily outweighed the pain you would be feeling in the morning. The only sounds that bounced off your small bedroom walls were your moans and whines, along with the sloppy sound of Jihoon haphazardly fucking into you.

Your dam began to crack faster than normal as Jihoon pressed the head of his cock against the spongey spot inside of you that made your toes curl and your head twirl. You took notice of how Jihoon's hips began to stutter, signaling that he was close to breaking as well.

Your walls tightened around his cock, causing a small whimper to fall from his mouth, and his hands gripped onto the fat of your thighs even harder.

"Ji, I'm close," you whimpered and pulled at his sweat-soaked locks, eliciting another whimper to come from inside him.

"Fuck, me too, baby," he panted in response, the whimpers you had once forced out of him now falling out like a symphony of the world's finest instruments all harmonizing together.

It took only a few more powerful thrusts on his end before your dam finally broke. You arched your back as the wave of pleasure washed over your body, and your hands found themselves gripping at the pillow cases beneath you.

The way your pussy spasmed against his cock while you were falling over the edge barely gave him enough time to pull out and finish anywhere but inside of you. He whimpered with each spurt of cum that shot itself from his tip and onto the insides of your thighs.

Waking up the next morning felt like the hardest thing you had ever done. Your head felt as though someone was hitting it over the head with a mallet, and your eyes felt like they would melt out of your sockets if you kept them open even a second longer. There was a crusted substance surrounding the inner parts of your thighs, and the sharp pain that shot through your hips solidified the suspicions you had about what that unknown mixture was.

It took the better part of an hour for you to gather the strength to stand without releasing last night's contents onto the bedroom floor. The smell of eggs and bacon definitely didn't help that feeling, nor did the spinning wheel your brain felt was on.

You trudged your way to the kitchen, suppressing any urge you had to throw up. You had assumed one of your friends had stopped by to make sure you were okay after last night's many rounds of drinks. You were partially right; it was a friend of yours, but he didn't stop by to check up on you.

"Ji?" You asked, taking a seat at the breakfast table that was used for anything but eating. He hummed in response as he plated the food. You took notice of the scratches that peaked through the collar of his shirt and blushed at the thought.

"Yea?" He asked, turning towards you as he carried the plates to the table; his hair was still messed up from last night, and he had found a pair of your sunglasses to shield his eyes from the light that gleamed through the windows that you never seemed to close with the curtains that took you an embarrassing amount of time to put up by yourself.

"Did we?" he cut you off as he placed one of the plates in front of you before he sat across from you with his own plate.

"Have sex?" He finished your question for you, and you could only nod in response. "I don't remember much from last night, but the way you looked under me is something I'd like to see again," he said with a small wink. It would have gone unnoticed if you hadn't been studying every muscle in his face.

"You want there to be a next time?" You asked, and you felt like you were interrogating him with these questions, although, if you had to be honest, you also wanted this to happen again.

"Only if you want to," he said as he ate.

"I'd like that…" you said, trailing off as you looked at the food in front of you. The last thing you wanted to do right now was eat a big breakfast of fatty foods, but you knew you needed to eat something before you filled your stomach with Advil to combat the killer migraine you had. "Are you not hungover?"

"I totally am, but one of us needed to make sure we ate," he said in response.

You smiled softly at the man before you; you couldn't tell if he was returning the stare through the sunglasses, but you didn't care either way. You were happy to finally be more than friends with your best friend.

[asterdisaster06]

i love you ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

ghost x reader [exes], platonic 141 x reader

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

summary > Soap and Gaz shenanigans

word count > 1.9k

warnings > military inaccuracies

a/n > do you guys ever have so many fic ideas but have to limit yourself to two series only? yeah, that’s me and it’s breaking my heart that i can’t keep up with 10 separate ideas

ao3

The sun shining through the military issued curtains warms your sleeping figure as your eyes flutter open - your brain taking a moment to catch up with your eyes viewing your new room. Your new home. It offers you a sense of comfort alongside loneliness at the thought of the pure solitude you were encased in. At your old base, you shared a room with a fellow soldier and someone you were proud to call a friend, but that isn’t the case here. Here, you’ve yet to truly make any official friends, and you're doubtful that the unease you feel even being on base would let you open up enough to be able to. Trust and friendship is something that you would like to keep separate on the field - most soldiers would - but you suppose it also extends into domestic moments. You find it hard to trust someone after one little conversation ended a relationship just like that. 

You shake that thought off like a wet dog to water and push yourself to get up. From what little you remember from the chaos of last night, today was supposedly stealth and sniper training with Gaz. It didn’t trouble you too much considering the connection between Simon and Gaz was a deep trust but nothing beyond simply working together. You had to have that trust with those on your side in this line of work. The job would be ten times more dangerous if you didn’t. You suppose that this training was meant to build that trust between you and the team before an actual mission, but you weren’t entirely sure if you could achieve that with Simon himself.

Brushing your teeth, you stare at the tired figure in front of you. A bruised and battered soul that has never quite healed despite your best efforts, as evidenced by the distinct eye bags and litter of scars across both your skin and heart. Seen and unseen. To the trained eye, you suppose, there was no real difference however. You spit into the sink, letting it run down the drain alongside your emotions. The cabinet holds only the base essentials provided by the base and your medicine that you throw back with a grimace. There was nothing you could truly do to drastically improve your appearance, but you found yourself wishing somehow that you could. You resign yourself to how you look and shake your folded clothes out before throwing them on in preparation for the long day ahead. You mask slips on over your head with such ease that you would

As you lace up your boots with efficiency earned only by doing it repetitively every single day, you hear a knock sound on the door. A gentle thud that almost reminds you of the sound a body makes when it falls to the floor - keyword being almost. A second knock is made just as you reach the door and turn the knob to be greeted with the sight of both Soap and who you assume is Kyle “Gaz” Garrick by his side. 

“Rise and shine, Angel!” Soap yells out, and you can almost hear bagpipes accompanying his excitement if you listen carefully. Then again, you could be imagining it. 

“Training doesn’t start until eight. It’s six,” You point out, your morning voice still fully fledged. If that wasn’t enough to signify your recent throw into consciousness the yawn after your statement should’ve been.

“He wanted to invite you to breakfast at seven, but also insisted on getting here early enough so you couldn’t say no,” Gaz offers up before he’s jabbed in the side by Soap, much to your amusement. 

“I’ll join you guys for breakfast,” You begin, already seeing the start of a grin making its way across Soap’s face. “But, only if you guys join me for my morning run beforehand.”

“Oh, how hard could it be? I bet I could beat you around the compound, Gaz,” Soap teases. 

. . .

Soap would soon eat his words, and dirt, as he ended up tripping over air twice on the run. Although, he insists there was a rock that you didn’t see that was out for him. Unsurprisingly, despite the little mishaps at the beginning of the jog, your two future comrades kept up decently with your pace. You suppose they had to if they were able to make it all the way up the ladder into this team. 

“How is Soap more clumsy than you, Gaz, but somehow you’re the one that fell out of a helicopter?” You mutter under your breath, realizing your mistake as soon as the words escaped your mouth. 

“How did you know that story, love?” Gaz asks, wiping sweat off his face with the back of his hand. 

“Word gets around,” You reply quickly. Not a complete lie. It just so happens that word got around from Simon mentioning small, insignificant details about his teammates on missions. Ones that made you laugh way back when. 

“Imagine being known only for falling out of a chopper,” Soap teases, nudging Gaz. 

“Very funny. At least my hair is regulation standard,” Gaz says, tussling the mohawk of the Scot. Almost like brothers, you notice. 

“Oi, lay off you div,” Soap says, his scotticism slipping out. 

“I’ll meet you guys for breakfast after a shower,” You say, giving a stretch and a big yawn afterwards.

“Just don’t get lost,” Gaz offers as he waves farewell. It appears that Soap has been spreading stories about your unfortunate meeting circumstances. 

“Aye, we’ll save you a seat, LT,” Soap grins with an exaggerated salute. 

You roll your eyes with a soft smile painted across your face as you turn to head back towards your living quarters. The dimly lit room offered a muted sense of comfort; although, you were itching to get some pops of color into the bland room. You’d have to check with Price to see how much you could change - considering you were contracted for five years, it would be likely that there was more leeway than usual. Especially given your position, but that could just be the fact your old roommate and you constructed a colorful, sentimental place you were proud to call home. It elicited a faint pang of homesickness within you. You’d have to call sometime soon to update them. 

Making sure the door was definitely closed behind you first, you slip off the light mask. Its design reminded you of the weeks leading up to the completion of its construction. You had a few of your fellow teammates to thank for their arts and crafts help - although you suspect that they would rather thank you for the creative outlet. You just consider the fact that all the crayons were accounted for and un-eaten a success. It has become a part of you now, whether you wanted it or not. There was something symbolic about the bird-like nature of its design; perhaps you wished you had wings of your own to escape the hurt. However, that’s more of a therapist's take on what actually occurred. 

It was more of an inside joke whenever you were a recent hire to your previous base. There was a mission or two that required you to take a position as a lookout. A bird had started chirping and cawing in your ear, sending extreme confusion over the commsat your attempts to get it to shoo. It was something that your team laughed about after the fact, saying that the bird life chose you. Ergo, your mask reflected the appearance of your feathered friends. The idea of your callsign being reflected in the feathery appearance also made it feel fitting. 

You shed your comfortable yet cold clothes and step into the warmth of the shower water, letting it run down your frame into the drain. If you stared long and hard enough at the floor, you could’ve sworn that it held a pink tint. It was a simple hallucination, but it had been real at one point in your life. You choose to close your eyes, focusing on the feelings of your hands running across scars - old and new. Your past life never held these marks, evidence of your suffering. Simon was the only one decorated with the physical damage appearing on his skin a few years ago, but you’ve accumulated more than your fair share of healed wounds.

You wash away those thoughts alongside the sweat and suds down the drain, making way for the amour surrounding your heart. The roughness of the towel as you dry yourself grounds you to reality. You actively avoid looking at the mirror, refusing to look at your scarred appearance that Simon would lose his mind over, as you get dressed. Breakfast wasn’t something that you indulged in as much anymore, not when it was no longer shared with the hugs from behind as Simon stole a piece of bacon. The very thought pained you to your core. You covered it up, swept it under the rug, in a very similar fashion to you disguising your appearance by the mask. 

You exit your room, making sure to lock it behind yourself. The beasts cage. You wander the halls until you reach the canteen, quickly scanning the room until your eyes settle on Soap. Or rather, the man beside him. Ghost. There was something about him that had changed from the person you once knew, besides the obvious appearance and behavior due to the environment. Or maybe, just maybe, you never knew him after all. You refuse to believe that you knew the real him, and the real Simon had truly tossed you to the side that easily. It wasn’t something you were willing to accept. Not yet. Not ever.

“Oi, over here Lieutenant!” 

There goes your sense of peace and internal argument over whether you could slip out unnoticed and effectively ghost this entire interaction. Your inner turmoil is only heightened by the fact that the choice was made for you - that and the fact that you’re now being perceived by the entire room as you make the walk of shame over to the table. All the eyes on you make it difficult to feel at ease. Even with your mask disguising that particular emotion paired with a heavy wince, your body language undoubtedly exuded your nervous nature. 

You trudge over to the table as the group all gives you their own greetings. You have an inkling that Soap had dragged all of the members here for breakfast as a sort of meeting for you. It’s incredibly hard for you to believe that both Price and Ghost were here willingly. 

“Goodmorning, Bonnie!” Soap says, the chipper in his voice making you wince slightly.

“Morning, little birdie,” Gaz calls out, seemingly taking a shine to that new nickname.

“Lieutenant,” Is all Price offers up. 

Although, it’s more than the intense stare and grunt you got from Ghost. You’re not entirely sure if you’re more offended or relieved by that. You pull one of the chairs out and take a seat near Soap and Gaz. It appears that they weren’t lying about saving you a seat, much to your surprise. On top of that, someone here - you suspect Soap - grabbed you a tray so you could avoid the line. It warmed your heart, a smile sent towards Soap. It’s times like these that you thank past you for constructing the mask in a way that your mouth is exposed enough to speak and eat. 

“Hey, Ghost. Have you ever thought about having your mask like that?” Soap pipes up.

“No. I already have enough of my face exposed with the eyes,” He replies gruffly. 

“Ah, I suppose that’s true. Angel does have their eyes covered. It’s kinda like the opposite of your mask,” Soap mentions. 

A simple hum from the man across the table is all you received. It’s all you or anyone else at the table received the entire time you spent eating with the team. Despite the small talk and inside jokes being created right in front of your eyes. It was so odd, sitting there right in front of the man you used to wake up next to, and him not knowing a single thing. Never noticing. These thoughts plagued you into a simple quiet as you listened to Soap explaining what “mountain chickens” were to Gaz - much to his confusion. The absurdity of the completely domestic circle of fellow soldiers sharing breakfast made you smile, if only slightly. All of it came to an end eventually as each individual had something to busy themselves with throughout the day. 

“Well, better not waste any time,” Gaz exclaims, offering you a hand up that you graciously accept. 

“Up and at ‘em soldier,” Soap adds. 

You were looking forward to the hand to hand combat training against these two. It was a formality but nonetheless you stirred at the opportunity to exhibit your abilities against both men. Prove yourself in some way or another. Maybe even prove to yourself that you do in fact deserve to be here - despite the words ringing in your ears as an echo of Simon Riley claiming you didn’t. Never would. Well, you would prove him wrong. Starting today. Not five years ago - starting today - because now he could see you. You could show him beyond a doubt that you had improved enough to earn a spot on the renowned team. Alongside him - even if he wouldn’t know it. Not yet.

-

taglist: @abbiesxox

[bananadrinkxxx]

THE BLOOD CROWN (23)

[Aemond Targaryen x Original Female Character ! I fem!reader]

[Dark Romance / Enemies to Lovers / Revenge]

Content for adults. 18+

[warnings: smut, sex content, dark romance, angst, fights, domination, murder]

[description: Aemond Targaryen meets his niece under a different name and falls in love with her without knowing that she is supposed to be his enemy.]

Masterlist - click here for all available parts

K I N G S  L A N D I N G

When Daeron Targaryen returned to King's Landing, he had expected many things. 

His brother Aemond with the conqueror's crown on his head was not one of them. As he stepped down from his dragon, he looked dumbfounded at his mother, who welcomed him, dressed as always in green. She smiled, but her smile did not reach her eyes.

Aemond stood a little further off, with Ser Criston Cole and his grandsire Otto beside him, who seemed to be discussing something. As Daeron came closer, they suddenly fell silent and the young prince drew his eyebrows together.

"Daeron, my boy," Otto greeted him, but Daeron had his gaze fixed on Aemond.

"What has happened? Is my brother Aegon dead?" he asked in a weak voice, and Alicent put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Do not be alarmed, Daeron. Aegon is being cared for by the best maesters in the realm."

"What is his condition?"

"Concerning but he has improved."

"Can I see him?"

He had never had much connection with his brothers or his sister, but he loved them nonetheless. He loved each and every one of his family so much that he would die for them.

His mother shook his head. "He won't see anyone but me." Her voice was bitter. She seemed changed. The war was leaving its mark on her.

Daeron looked to Aemond, to be more precise at his crown, who commented on his look with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you have something to say, brother?" Aemond's tone was challenging. 

Come on, say it, lay in it, but Daeron was not one who liked to pick fights. He preferred to be silent, to not let his thoughts bubble out.

"Are you king now?"

Aemond opened his mouth to reply, but it was Otto who stepped in.

"He is prince regent. Until Aegon recovers," Otto said. "Come my boy, you must be hungry. Tell us about your journey."

Arriving in his mother's room, they took a seat to dine together. Ser Criston kept watch with two other men, always expecting the attack of the blacks. It was only his brother, his mother, Otto and he, and for the first time Daeron felt how much this war had already torn his family apart. Helaena lived in seclusion, not wanting to see or be seen by anyone, Aegon was badly wounded and no one knew if he would survive his wounds and Aemond, Aemond seemed colder and more distant.

The meal was silent. No one spoke, no one listened. They were all caught up in their own worlds and when their stomachs were full and their hearts still heavy, Alicent and Otto withdrew to speak with Ser Criston while Aemond played with the knife in front of him and Daeron watched him.

"Wine, Your Royal Highness?" Daeron watched as an unknown woman poured wine for his brother as he communicated permission with a brief nod. She smiled and Daeron watched as she didn't take her eyes off his brother for a second. He furrowed his eyebrows. Where was Rose? She reported directly to his brother and should have been here. He tilted his head slightly to the side, but except for another unknown servant, they were alone.

"Where is Rose?" asked Daeron bluntly, and Aemond's eye straightened.

His mouth became a thin line.

"Gone."

"Gone?"

Aemond snorted at his repetition.

"What happened?"

"Is it relevant?"

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"Why?" asked Daeron, irritated.

"Why does it matter to you whether she is here or not?"

Anger arose in Daeron. He was normally a man who could control himself, but his brother's arrogance made him angry.

"Because she's my friend," Daeron said as if Aemond were stupid. "What did you say to her?"

Now it was Aemond who became angry.

"What?" spat Aemond, looking sharply at Daeron.

"What you said to her, I want to know. Rose would never leave without saying goodbye. Or did you do something to her?"

He saw the anger in Aemond's gaze, but what frightened him most was the coldness with which his brother regarded him. Aemond clenched his fist and slammed it down on the table. Their mother and Otto's attention was drawn to them.

"Aemond?," he heard her ask, but her son ignored her, his focus on his younger brother. His look almost murderous.

"I am now Prince Regent and Protector of the Realm. You will respect me as that, if you already find it difficult to respect me as your elder brother, Daeron."

Daeron snorted snidely.

"I could respect you more if you had also been Rose's protector. You know how much she meant to me as a friend."

"Did you? I don't remember you being there for her."

Daeron's legs made themselves go, and before he knew what he was doing he stepped up to his brother, who was eyeing him with a raised eyebrow. Daeron could feel the anger making him tremble.

"Daeron," he heard his mother ask irritably, and heard her light footsteps as she walked briskly toward him. She reached for his arm, but Daeron still had some things to say.

"That's not fair."

Aemond hissed disparagingly. He stood up as well. He was a head taller than Daeron and looked down on him from above.

"What's not fair, Daeron?" asked Aemond. "That you want to put blame on me? She left me, not I her. I don't owe anyone an account."

Daeron sensed the bitterness in Aemond's words. He was hurt, he realized. When Aemond had revealed to him that Rose meant nothing to him, back in the secrecy of his own chambers, he had believed him. He had accepted it, just as he accepted everything his family did, but this time he could not remain silent. His time with Lord Hightower had often been lonely, it had filled him with sadness that his mother had not loved him enough to want to keep him with her, and Rose had always stood by him, never judging him for his feelings. For that he found more pleasure in men than in women. With her, he could be himself.

But now she was gone, and it was his brother's fault.

D R A G O N S T O N E

When Rose opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Rhaenyra Targaryen. The black queen looked down at her, looking worried and studying her face. Her throat scratched and when she coughed, Rhaenyra reached for the cup of water and held it out to her.

Rose looked at her suspiciously and looked down at the cup.

Rhaenyra watched her, dressed completely in black. She lived up to her name.

"Don't worry, I don't want to poison you."

Rose raised an eyebrow. 

"But you were going to execute me, right?"

Rhaenyra looked at her apologetically. "That was up for discussion but I would have chosen not to."

Rose watched Rhaenyra. In her face and in her eyes she saw only honesty.

Rose didn't know why, but she believed the princess who called herself Queen. At the Red Keep, she had been portrayed as the evil one. As a cruel woman who wanted to steal the crown from Aegon, but Rose wondered how much truth there was in it.

She decided to drink and Rhaenyra smiled as if proud of her.

"You escaped with my daughter's dragon," Rhaenyra began.

"My apologies, royal highness," Rose said but when she was honest she had no guilty feeling. She had tried to kill them, hadn't she? She had no idea whether she could believe the words of this woman. The last weeks and days had taught her better. Everything in her screamed to believe her, but her head contradicted.

 "I did not mean to steal your dragon. I only feared for my life."

Rhaenyra shook her head. "A dragon cannot be stolen. They have a mind of their own. He was trying to help you. He sensed your fear and decided to protect you."

Rose frowned. "But why?"

The princess smiled gently and took the cup from her hand. She was amazed that she was so kind and courteous to her. Usually, women of her standing were the ones who expected such service. She reminded her of Helaena.

"I can't answer that for you. A dragon does what it wants. It is an illusion that we control the dragons." Rose tried to sit up slightly. Her whole body ached.

"Have you ever had contact with a dragon?"

A memory flashed through her mind. Strong arms wrapped around her as she flew on the largest and oldest dragon in the world. She shook her head and decided to lie. It would not be a good idea to tell her about Aemond.

Rhaenyra nodded. "Then Daemon must have been mistaken when he saw you on Vhagar?"

Shit. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to think a moment longer.

Rose looked at them apologetically. "Forgive me. I was just being cautious."

Rhaenyra nodded and played with her fingers. She looked a little nervous. It was a strange conversation and it was getting stranger.

"Careful?"

"I'm trapped here, aren't I? And I'm on the side of the Greens."

"Are you?"

She had to admit, she didn't know anymore. She had thought she was on Aemond's side, she had been willing to choose his side because she loved him, but she meant nothing to him, did she? She knew that Rhaenyra had been the heiress. King Viserys I had never withdrawn his decision, but now it was Aegon who sat on the iron throne and Rose accepted it as it was. Who was she to doubt his claim?

She was further from the iron throne than anyone else.

It wasn't like she would ever sit on it, so what did she care which family claimed the iron throne. She was just a bastard.

A bastard, without property, without family.

She was silent and Rhaenyra seemed to understand.

"Do you believe in Aegon's coronation?" Rhaenyra didn't look angry. She turned her head slightly to the side and smiled gently at her. Why was she being so nice to her?

Rose lifted her shoulders. 

"He was crowned by the eyes of the people. There's not much to believe in that. It's a fact."

"You are right. They hid the death of my father, their king, and did not inform me. They wanted to present me with a fait accompli, but I am the chosen heir."

"Not according to the Greens." Rose felt that her fall must have driven her crazy. Arguing with the princess about legitimacy was tired of life. But then, maybe she was. Tired of life. 

Why was she defending the Hightowers at all? In their presence, she had experienced nothing but loss and pain.

But she had had good moments, too, hadn't she?

"What exactly do you want from me?" she knew she was overstepping her bounds, but the last few days had made her bitter. "I will not betray the Greens. I don't care who sits on the throne, but my loyalty lies with Aemond."

"Aemond?"

Rose winced. She cursed her mouth. How stupid and naive.

She shook her head. She didn't want to talk about Aemond. He didn't want her and no matter how much she wished he would love her, he had made up his mind.

"Forgive me, royal highness. I mean no offense or disrespect. I do not know you. I am of the common people and have served your family and their kin since I was a little girl."

"Served my family?," she sounded irritated when she repeated her words. Why did it surprise her that she had served them? "Where did you live Rose?" Rose turned her head slightly to the side. Why was the princess so interested in her?

"At Lord Hightower's, the Reach."

Suddenly something flitted across Rhaenyra's face. She looked almost as if she was possessed by an evil spirit, her eyes bulged out, her skin suddenly looked sickly pale and she breathed in loudly. Rose looked at her in surprise. Was her hatred for the Hightowers so high that the mere mention of them made the princess seethe with rage?

"Lord Hightower?"

"Yes, I was employed there as a servant. "

Suddenly, Rhaenyra jumped up and her chair flew backwards from the force. The chair hit the floor so hard that she winced.

Rose straightened up, startled, and watched as the princess ran across the room, utterly distraught and gasping for breath. She turned her back on her and went to the closed window. She didn't know what to do, she tried to get up to rush to Rhaenyra's aid, but then the door was pulled open and she saw a young man step inside. His eyes locked on Rhaenyra and he ran toward her. 

"Mother, what happened?"

Rhaenyra grabbed his arm as if she could not stand on her own. She leaned on her son. She suddenly seemed weak. Not like before. So graceful and so royal. "It's all right, Jace," Rhaenyra assured him.

"What did you say to her?," her son suddenly feinted at Rose and she winced at his hostility. His look was almost hateful, as if he despised Rose's very existence.

She did not know the prince, she did not understand his hatred towards her. He looked at her as if he hated no one more than her.

Rose shook her head, but not a word passed her lips.

"She didn't do anything," Rhaenyra defended her. She still had her back turned to her.

"But you-"

"That's enough, Jace. I'm just overtired. Help me out of this. I need rest."

Rhaenyra avoided Rose's gaze, and while Jace gave her a warning look, the princess and she no longer crossed eyes. Her son helped her out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Rose stayed behind, confused. She stared at the door from which the princess had been led out by her son. She no longer understood the world. Why had she been here? Why had she questioned Rose? She was a nobody to someone who wanted everything. Had she felt sorry for her? Had Lucerys persuaded her to let her live? No matter what possibilities she ran through her head, Rose had no idea why Rhaenyra Targaryen suddenly had this uvious interest in her.

. . . . .

"She was with them," Rhaenyra screamed and hurled a vase against the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces. "She served the Hightowers. The whole time. She was their servant! Their servant! A princess. Can you imagine that?"

She shook with rage. She was shaking so much she felt like the ground was shaking with her. Daemon reached for her hand, but she avoided him. She could not bear his touch at that moment.

"Did they take my Aemma to hurt me and then keep her as their slave? A Princess of this fucking Realm. My Realm."

The thought rushed at her like a dragon in a rage. "Did they try to turn my own child against me?"

Aemma or Rose, she didn't even know what to call her own child, hadn't told her how she ended up there, but that couldn't be a coincidence. Her daughter disappeared and ended up with the Hightowers? Not even the gods could be that cruel.

And then something struck her. Suddenly everything was so clear. How could she have been so blind? Aemma had disappeared when Aemond lost his eye. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it? Someone had stolen Aemma from her, torn her away from her family, and suddenly Rhaenyra remembered Alicent's words.

"If the King will not seek justice, the Queen will."

Had Alicent taken her daughter from her? And had she intended to continue with Lucerys until there was no child left?

She had no idea why it had been Aemma and not Lucerys, but maybe they had wanted to draw attention away from them?

"Daemon," she said, looking to her husband. He said nothing, but she saw in his gaze, the clear reproach he had always given her.

I told you so.

Yes, he had always told her that the Hightowers could not be trusted. Starting with Otto, continuing with Alicent.

She didn't know if Daemon had wanted this war, sometimes she had that feeling, but he thirsted for Otto's blood, for the blood of the Hightowers and finally Rhaenyra understood his bloodlust.

She had not wanted to believe that Alicent was capable of cold-blooded murder. But now she believed it. Too much had happened. Harwin, her father, Visenya, Aemma. Even Luke had almost paid with his life.

She had no proof of that, Rhaenyra knew. So she would find out the truth. She would find out if Alicent had taken her beloved child from her, and if she was, if she was guilty, then she would do everything she could to take from Alicent what she had taken from her.

"I tried to protect her, Daemon. But Alicent's heart is full of hate and resentment. I cannot rule this realm if House Hightower is still with us."

They had trampled on her feelings for years, humiliated and degraded her.

That would come to an end now.

She would destroy anyone who came for her family. 

"What do you want from me, Rhaenyra?"

Daemon looked at her promptly. She saw what he wanted to hear from her and she wanted to give it to him.

"I want you to burn them all. Protect your family."

"If I do what you ask, I won't be able to let Alicent live. No one. Not her, or any of her children."

Rhaenyra nodded. For a brief moment she felt sadness, but then she looked at the door. Her room was directly across from Rose's.

"Do what you have to do. Kill our enemies. Anyone who's a threat to us. I want Alicent to know what it's like to see your child suffer like this."

Check out the last chapter. Little hint - it's the end. Any parallels, hmm?

Taglist

@watercolorskyy @marvelescvpe @ammo23 @helaenaluvr @toodlesxcuddles @malfoytargaryen

[libellule-saphique]

Miraculous Season 5: Luka & Kagami's Wasted Potential

If this show wasn't already bad enough.........

Like everything else, it disappoints me that the writers of this show are lazy when it comes to additional character development essentially in the love rivals

but who am I kidding? I knew what to expect when Thomas quite literally said Gabriel was redeemable after torturing all of Paris for years simply because he wants his wife back actively neglecting & abusing his son in the process while in the same breath saying Chloe is beyond redemption and she's a teenage girl who's dad couldn't give a rat's ass about her and spoils her crazy to get her off his back 24/7 and her mom who wants nothing to do with her verbally & mentally abuses her with the only real people who like her to the slightest and tolerate her are Sabrina and Armand who's practically her butler. The double comparison and double standard is wild but nonetheless not surprising seeing how the show's narrative is already bias when it comes down to Adrien & Marinette's character treatment. (the misogyny and racism is loud as hell)

Season 4 of Miraculous was already beginning to go downhill and season 5 simply added icing on the cake. To be honest I was partly excited to see the relationship dynamic within the love rival relationships, Lukanette & Adrigami at the start of season 4 because it was different from the repetitive love square and we got to see our two main leads interact with other characters in a romantic light other than themselves only to end before they could really start. It was a slap in the face and a huge cut from some possible major character development and love square progress. But the writers are so afraid of change and cant manage to make a good progressive storyline and felt that Luka & Kagami were too much of a threat to their Love Square that could've heavily improved because of them in the first place. Some episodes could've been focused on friendships between the love rivals and Marinette & Adrien. But ofc we get the same monotonous plotline mid season 3 to the beginning of season 4 Adrien & Kagami spend more time together, Marinette is conflicted and overwhelmed with feelings, Luka is there for emotional support (which felt like his sole purpose in earlier episodes even until now) Kagami is constantly frustrated by Adrien's indecisiveness, passiveness, and hesitance, etc, etc whatever and it continues all until they break up.

Then out of the wood works, we get Adrien realizing he has feelings for Marinette despite her being quote on quote "just a friend" 3-4 seasons straight. Despite. Marinette putting a hold on relationships ever since Lukanette's breakup and the fact that Monarch is still on the prowl and her responsibilities as a hero, because lets be honest if Ladybug/Marinette doesn't tend to Paris & Monarch no one else will, (Chat Noir definitely won't) the writers still say "hey lets tend to and coddle Adrien's feelings bc now he likes her more than "just a friend" and it doesn't matter how Marinette feels, doesn't matter if she's not ready for a relationship even though she's made that clear on multiple occasions after her and Luka's breakup bc at the end of day what we learn is what we already know "Adrien's feelings are more important than Marinette's overall treatment as the female protagonist and discomfort."

And what do you ask happens to the love rivals? Of course! the writers have to find a way to string them away from the complicated love square

Instead we get Luka shipped off with his dad on a world tour and Kagami paired with Felix (which........also doesn't feel right and for what reason did this have to happen?) Felix is the same guy who quite literally SH Ladybug, but ok? the writers feel like it makes sense to pair Kagami with this guy? She seems to like him for the same reasons her and Adrien's relationship took so long to work out in the first place. I don't even know what she saw in him, he's so bland, so passive, and everyone characterizes him as a "perfect cinnamon catboy who's abused and needs emotional support leaning on our main female lead who's not responsible for his baggage at all but hey! Everything is Marinette's responsibility after all right? They decide to give Felix more purpose in the show as Felix's a more assertive, serious, proactive version of Adrien and that's exactly what Kagami's looking for but I honestly think that it's a cop out for the possible unresolved feelings she had/has for Adrien (though he doesn't deserve her anyway) . It's like the show's message when it comes to romance and love is the only way to be genuinely happy is in a relationship which is so beyond fucked up, and its a overall bad message to kids and teens, no one in the show learns to love themselves and learn themselves first, Kagami would be simply fine without any relationship I can say the same for many other characters especially Marinette & Adrien. Why are romantic relationships needed to began with?

Season 5 is a prime example of the garbage dump Miraculous has become over the years and the poor writing decisions the writers have made.

[tanuki-02]

Progress Report

For 09.16.23 to 07.08.24

I plan on doing these progress reports weekly. Perhaps with the occasional post in between if I feel like I have some huge improvement within that day.

But for this first progrep, I'll try to detail as much as possible my learning from the day I started until now as I write this post.

For a little more info, I'm a 2nd year university student who is already fluent in 2 languages. I'd say my strong point is memorization which is incredibly helpful.

‎

— GOAL

Initially, I wanted to learn Japanese because of manga. Yes, I know fanlations exist and I can go buy physical English copies. However, English versions are waaaay more expensive and a lot of the manga I read have very slow fanlations or they've stopped translating it completely.

This brings me to my next point; I wanted to learn how to READ Japanese first and foremost. I hardly cared about other skills (but now I do understand their importance to the holistic learning of it all).

‎

— September '23 to November '23

I went into this language learning journey blindly. I had no idea where to start. But all I knew was that: 1.) Du*lingo is not your best option, 2.) DON'T use romaji to learn, 3.) Start kanji as early as you can. Looking back on it, I feel like these 3 points are important and I still do believe them now.

So, I went ahead and learned hiragana and katakana in less than 2 days. It was quite easy (although, katakana still does make my head spin sometimes).

After that, I went ahead and started with vocabs and kanji. Basically, I searched up vocab & kanji lists for the N5 level. After I found some good practice/list PDFs, I printed them out and used them as my main study material.

What I would do is to memorize them on my own accord (reading over and over again then, checking if I remember—rinse and repeat). I would say this worked out well for the first couple of months. The N5 lists had around 800 vocabs and 60 kanji which were pretty easy to memorize. I had this down in about a month. The following N4 lists had around an additional 800 vocab and 120 kanji. This one took me 2 months, but I'd say the mastery isn't as great as the N5.

With that in mind and the additional 4000 vocabs and 300 kanji that N3 offered, I started to doubt my method. It was then that I really began to search the web of an efficient way to learn this language.

It was then I discovered TheMoeWay and Anki.

‎

— December '23 to June '24

Plenty of people recommended TheMoeWay, so I had to check it out. It has a guide for the first 30 days of learning, but I ignored that because I was way past 30 days at this point. I read everything else and learned about spaced repetition systems (SRS); that's basically what Anki is.

It recommends to start with the N5 Tango Deck first and I did that. I began on December 6, 2023 and finished it on March 28, 2023. To consider it finished, all cards should be matured.

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This deck was VERY easy for me at this point because the prior months of inefficient reviewing that I did. If I'm not mistaken, I did about 100 cards per day which explains why I was so fast.

I had to move on to N4 Tango Deck once I ran out of "New" cards in the first deck. So, at some point, I was doing both decks simultaneously. I began this one on January 17, 2024 and finished it on June 15, 2024.

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Admittedly, this deck was a lot tougher than the last one for me at the time. I had to lower the daily card count to 50 (which is still a lot). But I can say after finishing both tango decks—vocabulary, kanji retention, and grammar—all improve drastically. These two decks are super duper helpful in the beginning and I would totally recommend them.

After accomplishing both decks, TheMoeWay says for you to create a mining deck of your own. So, as I was about to go through the N4 Tango Deck, I was deliberating whether or not I'd go through with what is recommended or go for something else.

I think making a mining deck would boost your skill by a huge margin, but I opted for the Core 2k/6k Japanese Vocabulary Deck which I learned from Livakivi on YouTube.

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— Current; July '24

I decided to take on the Core 2k/6k while I was doing the N4 Tango (This also explains why I did fewer cards 'cuz I was trying to balance both). I started this one on January 14, 2024 and I'm still getting through it little by little. By that I mean I'm not even halfway done haha.

This is what my progress looks like so far:

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I'm doing 20 new cards per day while it's still summer break from university. Although, I'll definitely have to lower it once the semester starts. Maybe I'll go back to 10 or something.

Anyway, I found that by doing this, my retention for words and how they are spelled in hiragana have improved so much. Sometimes I can easily read random sentences on Japanese websites or books. Moreover, after doing this for some time, I found that my reading got a lot better (duh, you know more words). I can easily pass the N5 and N4 tests on the official JLPT website. The N3 tests... not so much just yet.

This brings me to my next point: I am lacking in grammar and reading comprehension. To remedy this, I've tried immersing a bit through reading news on NHK or random stories on Tadoku Graded Readers (honestly, boring, but I have to). I tried reading manga, but I'd skip so many speech bubbles that it made no sense anyway.

At the moment, I'm doing an Anki deck related to grammar, another one based on Tae Kim's guide, and a third one for listening comprehension (because my listening skills are also doodoo).

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TL;DR

I'd say I'm around the higher N4 level or maybe a very low N3. For my level, I'd say I'm pretty good at reading... everything else not so much. I barely do output so writing and speaking are non-existent skills for me and listening is something I only started now.

[tom-is-online]

firstly hi, im the toya side story person. i do hate the fact that akito punched toya. i dont think anything really justifies violence. but enas is implied to be much more frequent! And sibling fights are whatever.

but u cant ignore the fact that some people may just not like ena because of this repeated pattern. i understand that the person in the tags was trying to explain enas behavior, not justify it. but unless its been retconned in a way i forgot, pale color says shinei only really started telling ena that she couldnt be an artist w/o talent when ena was looking at highschools, so its not like ena was fresh into middle school when her father rejected her dreams. akito when faced with insecurity didnt physically lash out at ena as far as im aware of. saying that she lashed out at him just bc he was nearby and improving in his own field doesnt really change a lot imo. just because siblings use each other as an outlet for stress doesnt mean everyone has to be comfy with it. plus, when akito describes the scratching, he mentions dodging the thrown objects and the scratches being hard to avoid if shes near, which leads me to believe that akito was trying to avoid a fight instead of a sibling brawl

im not calling this abuse, by any means, nor am i suggesting that ena shld have magically spawned healthy coping mechanisms. Im just trying to suggest a possibility that ena scratching akito may not have made her likable with some people, given the repetition and akitos lack of involvement in enas insecurity. everyone has different boundaries on what they think is okay. anyways i am happy to continue discussing this tho, i really liked hearing a diff perspective :) and if i missed anything from the stories, i really am sorry

original post

I understand what you're getting at, but I wanna just clear up some stuff with it

Akito and Toya became friends about two years before the main story (both 14), which means Ena was in the last year of Middle School when they met. Ena would have been looking at High Schools at the time, so the timelines with that add up with her emotional state due to her father. And since then, Ena has clearly stopped doing this to Akito

I understand the "it was a repetitive occurrence" argument but she was clearly not in the right headspace to be rational and considerate whilst having breakdowns, she was 15 and mentally unwell, and she's not gonna act in a rational way

Even if it was hypothetically before her last year of middle school.

SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO OLDER THAN 15 have you met a pair of siblings 14 and younger? esp with personalities like the Shinonomes

Akito likely wouldn't have fought back against Ena in the same way because he's clearly always been very athletic meaning to me if he tried to fight her back. He would probably just win and he doesn't want to just kick her when she's already down.

Anon (and other people who make this argument) I am just so curious if you're an only child and if not what your siblings are like. I don't have a sister but I have a brother one year younger than me and we fought all of the time until we were like 15-16, me and my brother are both very hot-headed people esp at that age. Siblings just do that, so being so uncomfortable with the concept of siblings fighting that you hate Ena just feels so much like you don't understand typical sibling behaviour

If you're uncomfortable with the fact a 15-year-old had fights with her brother whilst she was likely mentally unwell or below the age of 15 and continue to hold this to them until they are 17-18 when they no longer do this

whilst also excusing Akito for what he did in the main story because it was a "one-off"

idk, man.

the argument is about liking Akito and not Ena. If you can hate Ena for being ~15 and mentally unwell whilst scratching Akito but not hate Akito for punching Toya at 16 and that being a MAJOR PLOT POINT whilst Ena's isn't.

it just feels like you can't understand the nuance behind someone doing something negative when they have bad mental health or you don't have siblings and don't understand how siblings like the Shinonomes would act in a situation such as theirs.

Or someone just gives the male characters way more leniency than the female characters

anyway. i do understand people have diff boundaries. but giving Akito leniency on violent behaviour and not ena for actions she did years ago. you can understand how this is a red flag

idk if i have anything else to say about the matter without going in circles

anyway. theyre great i love them

[atwistinthetail]

my s3 rewrite headcanons

like, obviously my perfect s3 includes emma and lewis for the entire season, but I’m going to engage with the season on its own terms here

here we go~

the comet/moon rock stuff is OUT sorry not sorry but that’s a no from me

I’m fine with Bella’s origin story but the moon pool that turned her should be its own separate thing with different rules and characteristics

maybe she has a different tail color, like different moon pools create different “subspecies” of mermaids

instead of the water trying to warn them about the end of the world, maybe Bella’s magic is conflicting with the Mako moon pool bc they are two different sources of magic, and that’s why the magic is going haywire

instead of Sophie and Ryan mining the moon pool, it could be self-destructing or warping in some way due to the competing magical forces

how do they fix it? I don’t know but I’m sure they could figure it out. Maybe they all hop in during a full moon and they all steep in the magic and it like combines all their auras or something and brings balance to the force. There can still be a cool showdown where they use all their power to do some big spectacle and fix everything, nothing would be as silly as a comet headed straight towards earth

it would also address that things only start going wrong when Bella shows up, and they never question that. It should be bc she shows up, but like it’s not her fault

this is an obvious one everyone says but just… make Will a merman. Maybe it felt like too many merpeople but honestly you can’t have too many merpeople and with a show like this you just have to lean into the camp as much as possible

a new person transforming into a mermaid is also the only repetitive plot that doesn’t get old imo. “My boyfriend can’t find out” is old news, bring me “My boyfriend has turned into a merman”

he could transform on his own without anybody finding out at first, since he has already discovered the moon pool independently. As he and Bella get close, they are both trying to hide the fact that they are merpeople, but they also both want to know what the other is hiding so they are in this constant tango of trying not to be suspicious

and it would eliminate Will being such a rude ass about forcing Bella to reveal her secret

what ramifications does mermania have on Will’s relationship with Sophie if he has to abandon his training?

y’all know this was coming bc it’s me, but we have to fix zikki, I mean this is truly dire. I’m not saying they shouldn’t have problems, but there were so many better problems they could have

first of all, we must get rid of the Rikki/Will ship tease, it has no place here

if Will is a merman, the Will/Rikki/Zane melodrama could be improved. There’s a new guy bonding with Rikki who shares a huge part of her life that Zane never can, and that’s a more interesting insecurity than just being jealous of this new hot guy who made her a friendship necklace

we can do the same thing with Sophie. Rikki seems to have some level of imposter syndrome about running the cafe, at least prior to opening, so it makes sense that Sophie, with more experience and confidence, would be a threat when she impresses Zane

goodbye to the it’s-not-what-it-looks-like Sophie/Zane kiss, it’s the worst reason zikki could have broken up, and we basically already did it with Miriam in s1

Zane didn’t have to revert to his start of s1 self to, like, be a problem. I can definitely see him inadvertently mansplaining business to Rikki, getting into financial trouble bc he’s overconfident, like the same kinds of things they tried in s3 but a lil more nuanced. I don’t see him outright trying to commit fraud lol more like he would make risky financial moves or find dangerous “opportunities” like the treasure hunt to make ends meet

all of that can still cause tension and arguments, but they would be the arguments a committed couple running a business would have, not just more tired teenage jealousy

and they should have ended the series still together lol like I think my stance is clear but I just needed to say it

once Lewis leaves, Zane should take his place as the human protector of the secret. His impulsive, reckless approach to problem-solving would create a new dynamic in the group. He and Rikki would butt heads on how to handle mermaid problems, but it would also let him bond more with the other girls

and eventually Will, bc everyone is friends at the end of my season. They don’t have to be besties but they would be gently competitive allies

Zane would also definitely call Lewis as a lifeline at least once. Their misadventures never miss

speaking of phone calls, they should have called Emma a few times. They wouldn’t have even needed to have a voice on the line, it could have been a one-sided conversation just to show they’re all keeping up

and to confirm she dumped Ash lol SORRY to any Ash girlies if you’re out there

another obvious one, but they should have kept wearing their lockets. Maybe they don’t wear them all the time, but to stop wearing them entirely? They could still also have their own new thing including Bella and Will. Friendship bracelets?

Miss Chatham should have made at least one appearance to meet Bella. Does she know there are other mermaids from other parts of the world?

a Halloween episode where all the mermaids go as mermaids and just have their tails out and everybody thinks they just have really great costumes (I feel like Halloween isn’t as much of a thing in Australia as it is in the US? but they should still do it for the hijinx)

Cleo tells Don and Kim the secret. If Emma told beige-ass Ash the secret there is no way that at least Cleo and Emma would not have told their parents as well, at least as a “finale” kind of move

every couple should have gotten an underwater kiss, I’m sorry but that should be a law in all human/sea creature romance

everyone is happy and friends at the end

Clewis are their perfect endgame selves of course

Zikki is intact, but probably realize that being business partners (or at least partners in this particular business) isn’t for them, but they have come out of their issues stronger as a couple and secure in pursuing their individual endeavors as well

the moon pool is still in shambles but it died of natural causes and it’s still suggested that they will be spending their summer putting it right

the last cafe scene and sing along can stay, but the actual last scene is everybody together at the moon pool 🩵

[nonsubstantial]

APRIL 2024 ART FASCINATION DIARY

This is another post about the art that I've been fascinated with this year. I make these posts monthly, so that I can look back and remember all the things that were keeping me happy and inspired! If you are reading this, then I hope it will be somewhat interesting to hear about. First, a collage of my interests this month, then there are descriptions below.

MUSIC / ALBUM I heard about Everything Harmony by The Lemon Twigs because Vinny Vinesauce liked it enough to feature it on his twitch channel four times within this last month. After checking it out, it quickly became a favorite of mine as well. It's inspired by 60's era rock bands like The Beach Boys and The Beatles, and the two brothers in charge of The Lemon Twigs were basically raised from birth to create this kind of music. They're excellent musicians, but I do have a few complaints, mainly that their band is a four person group that started as a two person group, and it shows. The musicians on their drums and backing guitar are unnoticeable most of the time, or even make their music worse when I really focus on the boring repetitive parts that they play in the mix. I think that it would improve things if we heard the other two members’ creativity shine a little more. On a different note, their lyrics also feel kind of hollow to me, sort of like facsimiles of themes that we heard out of the 60’s pop music that they’re inspired by. Maybe the brothers’ odd upbringing is what makes their lyrics feel like nothing more than dreamy imitations of other lyrics, rather than being something written from their own hearts? In any case, their vibe is really bizarre, but despite all my criticisms I did really enjoy this one album from them. (And actually, their new 2024 album is already out! It’s also fantastic, and I’ll talk about it on my May list.)

FANFIC / CREATIVE WRITING I've been working on a long fanfic for fun since last month, and every time I write a new scene for it I'm filled with a sense of creative euphoria for the rest of the day. It's not always perfect, but there's no real pressure to write something good, so it just ends up being an enjoyable outlet for my passions. Even if I never publish anything, being creative and exploring my own imagination is satisfying in itself, and I wish I had the time to do it every day! (HONESTLY, there could and should be time, if only our society actually prioritized taking breaks for mental health and personal wellbeing over making endless amounts of money and increasingly insubstantial products to be consumed by only the luckiest members of our parasitic upper class. I hate our unsympathetic workaholic capitalist culture with every fiber of my being, and wish that I could fucking end it all, but I digress...) Writing is just so fun. And I'll be working on the same projects for another few months, probably, as long as I can keep on keeping up with them.

REALITY GAME SHOW The finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 16 concluded this month, and I thought it was absolutely fantastic. Now that it’s over, we’re starting back from season 1 and we’re going to try to eventually watch it all! (We actually did finish season 1, right before posting this. It was interesting and groundbreaking in its own right, and it introduced me to Tammie Brown, who is now one of my favorite queens. Then, we started season 2 and I’m pretty sure that this is where the show’s bad reputation got its start, because I really can’t stand any of the season 2 contestants. Too bad, but we’ll keep on watching and see how it pans out anyway.) In season 16 though, there was just so much unique creativity and talent on display, and so many jaw dropping ‘holy shit’ moments, that I think it was one of the best things I have ever watched. It had the hypest final lip sync battle I ever could have imagined, and I had no idea which way it was going to end. In whole, I feel like the show was a wonderful watch, and I’m glad that our friends convinced us to give it a shot.

LIVE THEATER MUSICAL My partner and I were given a gift card to our local theater last year, so we finally used it to go see a live production of Annie! We don't live in a place where live musicals are very common, and I actually hadn’t seen any since highschool, so we had to make plans very early in the year to go watch it. And after having done so, I can say for certain that there is a unique magic to watching a live theater performance. I’m surprised that it was all performed so perfectly, even with children and a dog on stage, and remarkably, it sounded better than any recording I could find online before or after the event. It was so incredible all around that it totally transported me into a unique creative headspace. There were people of all ages there, some dressed up, some appearing more casual, but the atmosphere was delightful and jovial all around. I’m not going to comment about what was or wasn’t problematic about Annie; it’s not really that deep and you can probably figure that out on your own. But I will say that the magic of a live performance depends entirely on the energy in its room, and I was totally swept away by this experience. Without the discount, it would have been very pricey though, so I’m hoping that we can put away a little money to see a different live musical next year.

BOOK / AUDIOBOOK About a month and a half ago, I started Leo Tolstoy's epic work of historical fiction, War And Peace. I love a book that I can get completely lost in, and War and Peace is one of those books. I made it about 1/4th of the way through it this month, and even though it started slow, I’m now sure that it’s going to be an all time favorite. I read Anna Karenina years ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I expected to like this one too, but there was still a sort of learning curve to overcome at the start. After over a month of engaging with it, I feel like I’ve finally gotten over its barrier to entry, and now I’m picking up the pace. Most people have heard of this book before, so let me tell you that its high-sounding title is no false advertisement. It’s a Russian slice of life book set during the Napoleonic Wars, dealing with a huge assemblage of political and philosophical conflicts, and it will have you exasperatedly crying “time is a flat circle!” as you realize that humans today have nearly the same brains and political interests that they had over 200 years ago. It is already a masterpiece, in my opinion, and I’m going to be reading this book for the entire month of May also, so that’s something to look forward to. If you’re interested in checking out an audiobook, I’m also listening to the Maude translation, narrated by Neville Jason, and I think it’s quite good! (That's it for April! But we're already a few weeks into May, so expect more Lemon Twigs and more War And Peace. Thank you for caring about me, and I hope you have a good day! ♡)