#i almost never delete posts on my main so i could probably find it if i wanted to

[fiercynn]

otw july 2 board meeting: what the hell was that

so the otw (@transformativeworks) board had their Q2 meeting yesterday, which was highly anticipated given everything that's gone down in the past months:

the @end-otw-racism campaign demanding action from otw on their own commitments made three years ago to better address racist harassment in otw and on ao3 (btw, support end otw racism's current campaign #Vote To End OTW Racism!)

recent revelations about how otw has mistreated its volunteers, regarding azarias and how the org reacted after the CSEM attacks on volunteers last year, as well as how the policy & abuse committee (PAC) is overworked and treated by the legal commitee overall (documented here)...

...and ongoing mistreatment of chinese, chinese diaspora, and chinese-speaking volunteers, particularly regarding an incident last year that put volunteers in mainland china at risk, and the board's recent unilateral decision to close the otw weibo account without input from the weibo account leads or any chinese-speaking volunteers

the AI shit

and probably more that i've missed, honestly. so! this is my summary of the meeting, focusing mostly on the issues related to racism; i have screenshots of the whole meeting but will at this point only share those i find most relevant/interesting! alt text will be included for every screenshot in the image, not below it.

and hold on, because this is going to be LONG!

pre-meeting ableism in #help channel so shit actually started going down the previous day in the otw board discord's help channel where there was a pretty ableist resposne to a person who asked if the board could consider adding the pluralkit bot to the server. i wasn't there, but hojarasca on dreamwidth posted about it, and i believe some other folks who were there will post screenshots soon too.

all of that conversation was deleted from the help channel by today, which is not unusual but did mean that a majority of people at today's meeting might not know what went down.

board meeting starts; immediate chaos the board meeting started at 8pm UTC, and it was clear almost immediately that the board was unprepared. what you have to understand about otw board meetings is that they are not really meetings where the board members discuss anything with each other. basically otw board members show up, share an agenda , give written updates on the items on the agenda, take votes on board decisions (but without any discussion publicly), and take questions. none of the materials like the agenda or relevant documents were shared ahead of time, and the board did not offer a way to submit questions ahead of time specific to the board meeting. (otw does have a contact us form to email their board or committee chairs, but i've never gotten a response lol.)

another weird thing that happened before the meeting started was that board member alex tischer was active answering questions in the help channel up to five minutes before the meeting, but didn't stay for the meeting. i don't think a reason was shared for this. this is relevant because alex has been criticized for racist responses to chinese volunteers, particularly those that ran & interacted with otw's weibo account, both in the past & last month when they closed their weibo account without any notice to the volunteers. this will also come up again later in the q&a section...

anyway. the meeting starts. all of the discussion directly about the meeting is supposed to happen in one discord channel called #public-board-meetings; the #help channel is supposed to be for tech issues etc. there is no separate channel for asking questions to the board - those are supposed to be posted in the main board meeting channel. and as far as we can tell, there are no mods of either of these channels apart from board members.

at the start of the meeting there are at least 209 attendees. for context, the last board meeting in march had 31. i've heard from people who have attended board meetings for the past couple years that there are usually 10-40 attendees per meeting. but again, given what's been going down, it's not surprising that so many people showed up!

and because there are a lot of people who haven't attended these meetings before, attendees immediately start asking questions, both process questions about the meeting and actual questions they want to ask the board. which again is understandable because there haven't been many answers given in the #help channel, and the board immediately muddies things further by giving confusing instructions about when to ask questions. they first say this - that they are going to proceed through their agenda, so people should hold questions that are NOT about any agenda items until the end. they imply that questions that are about agenda items are okay as they go through the agenda, but there will be conflicting instructions about this later...

agenda is posted & actual meeting content begins...kind of here's the meeting agenda that was shared. not...terribly descriptive lol

- Decisions taken since the previous meeting - Strategic Plan vote - Update on OTW's Diversity Work - AOB (Any Other Business) - Time for questions

people immediately start asking questions about various agenda items & also procedure questions. very few of these are answered. the first agenda item is posted - decisions taken since the previous meeting.

the board gives us "a couple minutes to read the above". everything's getting a little muddled already because people keep asking questions (reasonably!) about agenda items. there are several questions about the specific agenda item of "decisions taken since the previous meeting". some of the questions are getting answered by otw volunteers but none by board members at this point.

the board moves on to the next agenda item without answering questions about the "decisions" item. people are asking for a separate channel for questions but none is created. board members tell us they will try to get to all the answers at the end, but that we should send any additional answers to the board through the otw contact us form. many people point out that they've rarely gotten responses that way.

board gives a brief update (that was NOT on the agenda) from the finance committee chair, who was not at the meeting, to say that the 2023 budget was posted earlier this year, and that people can send questions via the contact us form. i'll note here that i sent a message to the finance committee with a question about the 2023 budget two months ago and have not gotten a response.

strategic plan update + question procedure still unclear the board then starts to give an update on the strategic plan, which board members are to vote on today. attendees ask if the full strategic plan draft was shared publicly before this meeting and we are told it was only shared with volunteers, not with members or the public.

they do share an infographic summarizing the strategic plan. hilariously, the first version they upload is so blurry that it's unreadable. they then share a gdoc with alt text. if you are new-ish to otw stuff, this infographic and the jargon in it are probably pretty confusing.

the board keeps giving us "a few minutes to check things out". people ask them to not do that and proceed because we can read while they are typing. questions to the board keep going unanswered and various other people say that we're supposed to hold questions until the end. we again get told conflicting things about how to ask questions. a board member asks us to hold ALL questions until the end, but an otw volunteer points to an earlier statement from a different board member & says that questions on the current agenda item are allowed.

at 45 minutes into the meeting, when most questions are going unanswered (and a lot of only being answered by otw volunteers, not board members), the board disables messages in the main channel so that they can proceed with the agenda. this is not usual board meeting procedure and was unannounced until they did it. people start getting really creative with emoji reactions because they can't ask questions. the board admits that they were unprepared for the number of attendees at this meeting.

attendees then start asking questions in the help channel, which has been put on "slow mode", which means each user can only post every thirty minutes. multiple otw volunteers share in the help channel that they warned the board about preparing for the meeting, and the only change the board made in response was to make it 30 minutes longer than usual.

in the main channel, the board does not have any public discussion on the strategic plan (which has not been shared, only the infographic has), and votes unanimously to approve it.

diversity work update, aka a glorified otw news post the board moves on to the "diversity work update", which is now a standard section of every board meeting. they share two updates - firstly, that caste has been added as a protected class in the code of conduct, and secondly that they've heard the concerns coming from @end-otw-racism supporters and others. both of which were already shared a month ago in this OTW news post from a month ago, which they link to.

seriously, nothing new is shared in this part of the meeting that wasn't in that post. some update!

q&a part one the board asks for emoji reactions again to see how many people are in attendance. unclear why they do this unless they were hoping people might have left? but alas for them, there are still 182 people that emoji react saying they are in the meeting!

the board FINALLY starts answering questions, but they do not yet re-enable messages so that users can ask more questions. they start by addressing the pluralkit issue from yesterday, but they don't give any response about the ableism that was allowed to go unchecked in the channel.

then, BAFFLINGLY, they start with answering questions from someone who wasn't able to make the meeting. how did this person submit those questions beforehand? NO ONE KNOWS. fortunately this person had (imo) good questions, but again, why were their questions given preference? unclear.

okay there were a LOT of questions and responses, so i'm going to stick to sharing the ones that were most important to me, which were about addressing racism within the otw and on ao3. hopefully someone else will summarize other issues!

we finally get our FIRST REAL NEW RESPONSE on a diversity/racism issue! the board says they plan to hire a diversity consultant by the end of the year.

we also hear that changes to otw's terms of service are being proposed to give the policy & abuse committee more tools to address harassment, including "racially-motivated" harassment.

board says the best way for people other than otw volunteers to get involved with anti-racism issues is...to stay up to date on what otw is doing, attend public meetings, and send questions through the comment form. what.

the board does not answer how they have reached out to fans of color in their work to address racism, which i assume means they haven't; they instead say that fans of color are free to provide input/feedback via the contact us form. emoji reactions explode

the board says that the strategic plan has initiatives to combat racism including improving diversity in recruitment (of...who? volunteers, board members? potential future paid staff?), hiring a diversity consultant, & forming "volunteer coalitions"

slight digression from my focus on racism issues because of how many times the board has told us to submit questions via their contact us form: very little clarity on how long it will take for answers to be questions, or how long people spend on responses

the goals for the future diversity consultant are to do an audit of the organization and offer recommendations on how to proceed. couldn't be vaguer lol

otw does not currently have plans to have an internal committee for diversity, equity, and inclusion work, since they're relying on the external consultant, but if the consultant recommends it they'll consider

by the time they've gotten through these responses, there are only five minutes left in the meeting! remember, messaging by attendees has been disabled for the past 40 minutes, so everything the board has answered so far is from people who got their questions in during the first 45 minutes (or, apparently, one person who managed to get in questions before the meeting).

q&a part two at this point, the board FINALLY re-enables messaging for new questions, but clarifies that they will only take them until 9:30pm UTC. which means anyone who did actually wait to ask their questions now only has five minutes to ask them! questions start rolling in immediately. again, going to focus on the ones about racism.

i'm listing questions in chronological order that they are asked, but please note that the corresponding answers from the board are coming WAY later than the questions. the board took until 10:20pm UTC (almost an hour after the meeting was supposed to end) to answer all the questions. mostly i'm telling you this because the emoji reactions on the answers by the board get more limited as people understandably have to leave the meeting lol

the first question of round two is about how chinese & chinese diaspora volunteers have been treated re: the weibo account closure, & board member alex tischer's role in this.

board response is horrifyingly empty, only promising the creation of a new "anonymous form" to receive feedback from chinese and chinese diaspora volunteers on the situation.

an attendee asks for better prioritization of racism & equity issues in the meetings, and better preparation from the board. (note that the addition of "diversity work update" to the agenda is not new, i believe it was instituted late last year)

in response, board admits they were unprepared despite volunteers warning them, says they will take advice from this meeting forward. emoji reactions are out in full force

an attendee asks more details about how the diversity consultant research officer (who is NOT a hired diversity consultant, but an otw volunteer in charge of the hiring process for a consultant) engages with the board & what goals they have for the future consultant

response from board is that they meet weekly, and that the research officer is herself in charge of identifying goals for the future consultant

an attendee points out that "curate your space" tools are not enough to protect users from targeted abuse, including racist abuse, and that asking fans of color to reach out to the board instead of the other way around is bullshit (my words haha)

the board's response to this is to offload that onto the future diversity consultant. SERIOUSLY.

an otw member asks if the diversity consultant will also look at accessibility for disabled users across the otw

board essentially says "yeah, sure" lol

an otw member asks how otw will remove barriers to becoming a voting member and diversifying membership & committee leadership

board's response is that they don't know the demographics of their members or volunteers, which...somehow means they can't remove barriers that would help fans of color or non-western fans from becoming members and volunteers? lmaoooooooo

an attendee asks for accountability in ensuring that the incoming board keeps the current board's promises re: DEI, pointing to improvements made by the 2015 board that were later reversed by a new board make-up

board does not seem to understand this question so answers an entirely different one! (seriously, i double-checked which question they were responding to.)

an otw volunteer asks what the plans are to deal with the "ongoing exclusion and alienation of chinese-speaking volunteers"?

the board repeats that they have opened a feedback form for chinese-speaking volunteers. that's it.

so those are all the questions i saw on racism; as i mentioned, there were TONS more good questions on board transparency and communications, protection of volunteers, moderating board meetings better, lack of feedback collection on the strategic plan, etc.

at PRECISELY 9:30pm UTC, messages are disabled again so that no more questions can be asked. all of the otw board responses that i shared above are from after messages were disabled again.

takeaways this meeting was a complete mess. the process was extremely unclear and made things inaccessible; while the board did (from what i can tell) answer all the questions posted, people were not able to ask all the questions that they'd planned because of the unannounced disabling of messaging.

and then, of course, there's the fact that the majority of the answers are bullshit, which is probably the least surprising thing about this meeting.

it's just ridiculous that they weren't prepared for this. given everything that's gone down in the past months, why on earth wouldn't they assume that people would show up with hard questions? the mismanagement and incompetence is frankly astounding. which i guess is the story of the last few months re: OTW anyway!

so...see you at the next one in a few months, i guess? 🤷🏾‍♀️

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's Field Date (Part 1)

⚡Warning: This post contains detailed spoiler's for a Date which hasn't been released in EN yet!⚡

[This date was translated with the help of Google translate!]

✧[Section 1]✧

Shaw's message: "If the old man doesn't grant me leave, I won't be able to come back to celebrate the Qixi Festival." MC: Hm…

Looking at the text on the phone, I let out a long sigh.

During this period, I will be filming a cultural and tourism promotional program about ethnic fashion. Shaw will be accompanying the professor for field research, and both of us was away from Loveland City.

As a result, what should have been a joyous "couples' summer vacation" has now turned into being apart from each other.

We had previously planned to set aside at least two days for Qixi Festival to find a place and have some fun together. However, upon seeing this message…

MC: "It's okay, let's forget about it... Um, will he think I'm being stubborn?" MC: "It's okay, I can't take time off either... Wait, this sentence sounds a bit strange, let's delete it…"

Characters are jumping on the screen, and I keep withdrawing them.

Just as I was considering how to reply, the director nearby called me.

Director: MC, it's possible that we won't be able to film the scenes about Miao Village the day after tomorrow. MC: Huh? Why? Director: We didn't notice before, but just now we sent a drone out, and we realized that on the other side of the mountain, at Cuisong Slope, it seems like some archaeological excavation is taking place. Director: The entire area is full of pits and uneven terrain, it's impossible to capture on camera! MC: How about letting the drone shoot from a different angle? Director: We just tried it, and the results were just okay. The main issue is that Cuisong Slope is right between the bamboo forest and the Miao village, and it's difficult to frame the shot properly…

The director paused, as if he had an idea.

Director: Wait a moment, maybe we should talk to them. It might be possible to ask them to stop work for two days, move the excavators and such away, and then we could manage with the visuals? MC: That could work... I'll try talking to them and see if we can find a compromise.

After making up my mind, I asked the production team to contact the local cultural and tourism bureau. Meanwhile, I set off to meet the archaeological team in person and have a face-to-face discussion.

As soon as I got in the car, my cell phone rang.

MC: Oh, shit!

With this unexpected turn of events, I haven't had a chance to reply to Shaw's message yet!

I hastily pressed the call button, and a low-octave voice came over immediately.

Shaw [on the phone]: I saw you typing for almost two minutes, and then you disappeared. What happened? Shaw: ...you're not mad at my message, are you?

Even though his voice sounded confident, his sentences were subtly probing. I found it amusing and couldn't help but curl my lips into a smile.

MC: I'm not upset at all. I just got caught up with work and couldn't reply to your message right away. Coincidentally, you called just as I was about to respond. Shaw: Fine.

Shaw hummed twice, which could be considered him acknowledging my explanation. At that moment, I heard a burst of noise on his end, as if he was arguing about something.

MC: What happened to you guys? Shaw: Oh nothing, just now a program team called and wanted us to stop work so they could shoot. MC: …..? Shaw: Now the program producer over there says they want to talk face-to-face with us. Tsk tsk, quite arrogant. Your company shouldn't learn from them. Shaw: Old Man Shen wants to take me along. He said we must show that arrogant producer who's in charge when the time comes. Shaw: But if they do stop work, it seems like I might be able to fight for some time off again… MC: ….. MC: …Shaw.

I interrupted Shaw's muttering.

Shaw: What's wrong? MC: I never asked before, where is your field research site? Shaw: Even if I told you, you probably wouldn't know. It's called Cuisong Slope, right next to a Miao village, extremely remote... Why suddenly ask about this? MC: ….

I took a deep breath, signaled the driver to increase the accelerator, and spoke with a smile.

MC: The producer of the program you're about to dismantle… should be me.

✧[Section 2]✧

Shaw: ….. MC: …… Professor Shen: …..

In the afternoon at the archaeological site, there was complete silence. Professor Shen wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead and gave a slight cough.

Professor Shen: We originally thought that we encountered some unreasonable program group, but we didn't expect it to be...... MC: It's okay. It might have been a little misunderstanding from the start of our phone conversation, which led to the confusion on your part as well. Professor Shen: Hahaha it's okay.

…There was silence again.

I turned my gaze to Shaw, desperately sending him a "help" signal. He subtly glanced at me and then spoke up.

Shaw: What's so awkward about it? Worst case, you two can pretend not to know each other, and I'll just introduce you again, right?

He gestured with four fingers close together, pointing at Professor Shen, and then pointed at me.

Shaw: This person— is Professor Shen, in charge of the Cuisong Slope archaeological excavation work, and this person is Miss MC, the producer from [MC Company's Name]. Shaw: Is this formal enough?

Professor Shen shook hands with me, and the atmosphere relaxed.

I formally expressed the needs of our program to Professor Shen, and he nodded happily.

Professor Shen: Since you also want to promote the customs and culture here, of course we can cooperate. Professor Shen: You don't need to worry about the duration of the work stoppage. I'll communicate with the team here. Besides…

The old gentleman glanced at Shaw who was at the side, and lowered his voice.

Professor Shen: Some people have asked me for time off multiple times, eager to spend the Qixi Festival with their girlfriends. Now they're finally getting their wish fulfilled.

Shaw: Hello, you two don't think I can't hear you. Shaw: Moreover, when have I taken time off multiple times? Am I the kind of person who can't separate work and personal matters? Among the whole archaeological team, I'm the most dedicated person…

Professor Shen: So, starting from today, the archaeological team is taking a break, and you can continue working. Go be a tour guide for your girlfriend. How about showing some "dedication to the job"?

Professor Shen waved his hand generously, and blocked all Shaw's stubborn words.

I chuckled, took Shaw's hand, and waved towards Professor Shen.

MC: Thank you, Professor Shen, for cooperating with our work and letting us borrow your star student!

Back in the car of the production team, Shaw and I sat side by side in the back seat. He had his arm propped up, looking out the window, but suddenly he turned his head…

Shaw: Why are you staring at me? MC: ...Is my gaze really that noticeable? Shaw: It's obvious from before even getting in the car.

My face flushed, not wanting him to catch on to the uncontainable longing. I coughed awkwardly.

MC [blushes]: It's nothing, I'm just surprised to see you dressed so casually for once, it's a bit unexpected~

The Shaw in front of me now feels completely different from the Shaw in Loveland City.

The Shaw I usually see is always the most conspicuous one in the crowd, but today he's just wearing a simple vest covered with work overall.

The fabric was stained with dirt and mud spots, clearly indicating that he had spent this time in the dirt pits.

I reached out and poked the small cluster of hair tied up with an elastic band at the back of his head. It was a little prickly and a little itchy.

MC: Your hair has gotten longer.

Shaw: I've been so busy, and I didn't want Tony, the local hair stylist, to touch my hair, so I just let it grow.

Shaw shrugged nonchalantly, and my fingers shifted along the tips of his hair. I poked the slightly reddened sunburn on his cheek.

MC: You've gotten tanned as well. Shaw: Yeah, digging in the soil during the peak of summer, it'd be strange if I didn't get tanned.

He paused, and suddenly looked at me suspiciously.

Shaw: Are you…? MC: What? Shaw: …nothing. MC: What "nothing," why stop in the middle of your sentence?!

But no matter how much I pestered him, Shaw refused to speak, and even put on his earphones.

Hmph!

After the car returned to the shooting location, there was still a lot of work that I needed to continue to participate in.

I gave Shaw an apologetic look and then turned to coordinate with my colleagues to wrap up the remaining tasks.

MC: I'm off work, do you want to go to a nearby town to have a good meal tonight?

Shaw [someone feeling jealous]: Who were those guys wearing ethnic clothing just now? MC: Just now?

I froze for a moment before realizing that Shaw was referring to the male models who came to ask me about the filming of the Qixi Festival at the end.

MC: They are the models we hired for the Qixi Festival. Since we are filming an ethnic-themed program, they naturally need to wear ethnic clothing.

Shaw: …..Do you still want to shoot during the festival? MC: Exactly, these are the hardworking laborers. MC: Speaking of which, why did you suddenly ask about them?

Shaw: Nothing much, just... they were dressed so flamboyantly in ethnic attire, and their appearances seemed so mature for their age, it felt a bit strange. MC: ?? Mature? My eye for choosing models shouldn't be that bad, and besides, their ages are similar to yours.

As soon as I said that, Shaw seemed to have been poked by something, and his expression subtly changed.

Shaw: …… Shaw: ……

He opened his mouth, then closed it, and tugged at his dusty work overall.

Shaw: I'm hungry. How about having some local specialty sour soup fish for dinner? MC: - That's a great idea! - Wait, why did you change the subject again?

Seeing Shaw about to walk away, I quickly grabbed his arm and took the opportunity to express my confusion.

MC: Shaw, I have a serious question for you.

MC: Did you got jealous when you saw me talking to the male models? 

—

⚡ Part 2

[nuri148]

Clarity deleted scenes!

No one: Absolutely no one: Me: Should I post some deleted scenes from Clarity?

The answer, of course, is I probably shouldn't, but I fancied to, and since my delulu fellow rm spawnlings enable me, here it is. It's hem, you honour, they made me do it 🥸. (Small text is non-deleted parts, for context )

Deleted scene(s) from Chapter 8

--1--

Mikasa looked at herself in the mirror, not really listening to Gabi raving about how smashing she looked. (...) “Isn’t it too … revealing?” she said, looking at the way the neck almost showed her cleavage.

“No! I wish I could wear a dress like that,” Gabi said. “But I don’t have what it takes,” she added, cupping her hands in front of her small breasts. (...)

“Well, that’s the thing, I don’t want (...) anyone to think I’m a minx.” And by ‘anyone’ she meant one person.

“You’re not dressed like a minx, you just think that because you never wear pretty clothes.” 

Mikasa looked vexed. “I do wear pretty clothes!” Gabi sighed. 

“Mikasa, you’re my friend and I love you, but you have two kinds of clothes: those boring two-pieces you used to wear for Armin’s diplomatic meetings, and peasant robes from when the walls were up that look like you're hiding under a burlap sack.” 

“Gabi!” Mikasa was clearly mortified now. 

“I’m sorry, this is probably not the best time to say it, but it’s true.” She looked sheepish. 

“What about the white blouse, the one with the ruffles that Lena sent me for my birthday? That’s pretty.” 

“Indeed. A gift.” 

“And the taupe dress? I bought that one myself.”  

Gabi snorted. “Because I practically forced you to.” Mikasa sat on the bed, dejected, and toyed with the skirt of her gown. 

--2-- 

Happy to find out the four of them had been assigned to the same table, they took their seats, making small talk as the hall slowly filled with guests.

“They really nailed it this year,” Levi commented, feeling one of the pale green napkins. “Two years ago they decked all the tables crimson, it looked like a fucking cabaret.” 

“It’s so beautiful,” Lucy sighed from time to time, her gaze wandering through the hall.  

Mikasa leaned in towards Levi. “Do you know who’s here? Hitch.” 

“Don’t they serve wine here?” Gabi moaned. 

--3-- 

Once the speech finished, the banquet started with the soup course, a cream of potato with duck egg yolk and fresh truffle (...).

[Lucy] was trying to spoon the cream around the yolk.  

“You’re supposed to stir it in,” Mikasa said.  

“But it’s raw,” Lucy whispered. 

“You’re supposed to stir it in right away,” Levi clarified, “so that the heat of the soup makes the yolk safe to eat. 

--4-- 

Levi shot a death glare somewhere behind the girls’ back.

“Did you just scare away a potential dance partner?” Gabi called him out.

“No,” he lied, reaching for the wine, and tch’d at the realisation that the bottle was empty.

“He was about your age, probably some noble’s son,” Mikasa said, casually resting her chin on her hand as she people-watched. 

“Oi!” 

“Levi, it’s a ball. They’ve the right to dance with whomever they please.” 

“You don’t know their real intentions.” 

“I’m pretty sure they intend to dance.” 

“I get it that you hate this,” Lucy said, sternly, “but some of us do want to make the most of the evening.” 

Levi just sulked. 

-----

Why did I cut them?

For #1, I felt it was going on a tangent and distracting from the main plot. In this universe I hc that since Mikasa didn't have someone growing up that that instilled in her a sense of fashion (lost parents too young and then it was khakis forevermore) so she really puts comfort before aesthetics and doesn't see the point in spending in clothes. But this isn't a Mikasa makeover story, this is a rm slowburn and we know Levi'd think her beautiful even when she's wearing old rags.

The other 3 were more to cut down the wc as it was already too high; there may have been transcition issues too (I don't remember after so long). E.g. for #2, there was also a bit of too much stuff being thrown around (sorting it out: more wc). For #4 I also didn't want it to look like Lucy was expecting to meet someone at the ball, and Levi's gatekeeping seemed a tad too much.

[questersrest]

(sorry this is a side blog, dumblr only lets your reply to posts from your main)

anyway, another long infodump ahead (i get possitive responses from my followers when i do this so i will not apologise)

yeah, the room to the left in the quester's rest populates with player's you've tagged (talk to erinn, ask to canvass for guests) up to 6.

once you reach your 7th guest, the barrier is removed from the stairs to access the first floor (second floor for y'all americans) and erinn will explain she had to open it up to make room for more guests. on that floor, you'll find a door and more stairs barred off. the area will populate with another 6 guests.

at your 13th guest, well, first you'll find the whole interior of the quester's rest has been upgraded. but also erinn will have unbarred the door upstairs to make room for another 6 guests.

at your 19th guest, erinn will unbar the stairs to the second floor (third floor). there's another barred door there.

with your 25th guest, the quester's rest interior will upgrade againthe door on the top floor will open and you'll see you finally have room for the whole 30 guests.

if you have more than 30 guests, they start replacing the oldest ones but you can show guests to the royal suit so they never leave (ask erinn to view the guestbook).

when you reach the max capacity of 30, you'll get access to the basement. there's a fountain down there that spawns items, some of the items you find may differ from other players due to a hidden fountain group value in your save file. there are 4 spots where items spawn but a new spot gets added for every 100 players you tag up to 10 additional spots (14 total) at 1000 players. there's also accolades for tagging certain numbers of players up to 1000.

if you ever connected to wifi (ps while ds wifi was discontinued in 2014, there are fan replacement servers you can connect to, ask me about them for more info. otherwise, you can hack this stuff in with the save editor), you probably have the special inn guests from previous games who's rooms you can access from the elevator operator who takes you to the royal suites. they all have 3-5 pieces of gear to give you to dress up as them. they will all have one to give you the first time you talk to them, one to give you on your birthday (birthday in ingame profile settings matches date on your ds), and one to give you when the in is fully expanded. (they may also have one they give you if you talk to them as a certain vocation and/or one after a certain quest. they will also give you birthday cakes and/or party poppers on your birthday, these could only otherwise be obtained from the dqvc - the fan servers do NOT operate dqvc themes that had them. and 1 birthday cake is required for an extra quest so don't go using those up. one extra quest requires dressing as borya; borya will only give you his shoes when the inn is fully expanded. i bought borya's shoes from the dqvc in 2014 instead, the fan servers do NOT run the theme with those either. if you're fine with using a save editor you can hack all this stuff in instead if you want).

in tag mode you can also share a copy of any treasure maps. you can't tag the same player, every save has a uuid (universal unique identifier) so your save will know if it's the same player. but if they've left your inn (either bc you've got more than 30 and they were kicked out, or you manually kicked them from the guest book), you can tag them again. it WON'T count as an additional guest but you can share another map this way.

deleting a save file will delete the uuid so you can reset the save file on another copy over and over, playing through the first 2 hours of the game to reach the quester's rest, then tagging your main copy. this is what i've been doing, it's slow but i'd prefer to avoid hacking my original copy if possible.

EDIT: almost totally forgot i was gonna add a video. if you'd like to see what the inn expansions look like, here's a video. looks like the uploader is enhancing the graphics in an emulator. they also have no actualy guests in the rooms so they probably just unlocked them with the save editor

[eldritch-muppetshow]

onceler askblog digital horror/arg brainstorm session, go

(tw: implied suicide ideation within the story)

(also major spoilers for an arg that doesn’t exist yet and may not happen. i’m not super concerned abt spoiling people though, because in the end i want to get this idea out there somehow even if it never fully materializes beyond these notes)

story

- have “starting point” be a fake blog planted into the onceler fandom as an “archive” of old fandom content, with particular interest in a since-deleted blog that no one can seem to find

- set up the “lost” blog with a url that makes it seem like it’s been deactivated. it’s not, but it’s password-protected so that no one can access its contents right off the bat

- have the fake fandom blog rb select posts from the “lost” blog, hiding the horror content until people unlock it by finding and entering the password

- hide hints of the password to the “lost” blog in the fandom blog’s content

- The reveal is that the onceler featured on the “lost” blog is in fact still alive (probably with some body horror-laden imagery bc you know me), still aware of everything after 10+ years and desperate for reprieve but unable to truly rest in any material sense. at this point, the setting and plotline of the blog has withered away to nothing— all that remains is the main character, driven mad after losing everything he knew + understood, being isolated for over a decade, and yet still persisting after everything around him is gone

- the players’ new goal is to find the password that will deactivate the blog. lots of dramatic irony in how the featured onceler seems to believe it will put him out of his misery, but the reader knows it will not fully “release” him in the sense of erasing him from existence— he will still live on in other people’s memories and reinterpretation of the character. leave the reader uncertain if he is truly “free”

- tie in the horror of the persistence of an idea/art; the idea that you can’t fully “kill” an idea once it’s out there, the horror of being permanently defined by/praised for art that you aren’t proud of— and the persistence of a character beyond what you wanted to set as the end of their “life” under your writing

what is this project trying to say (if it’s meant to say anything at all)?

- basically an elaborate commentary on death of the author in fandom and the persistence of ideas, through the lens of a fanon/au character as a sapient being. the loss of the setting/characters surrounding the “lost” onceler is one big metaphor for how popular au characters in fanon tend to lose the context surrounding them as people only make content for a single popular character— and in turn, they only remember that character

- (could also be commentary about how almost nobody gives a damn about the rest of the 2012 lorax movie outside the onceler, but eh)

- a pretty interesting thought exercise i’ve had is: can you name the original creator of underswap? what about the creator of underfell? or the heroic au in the villainous fandom? i’m sure there’s someone reading this who does remember, but my point is: these aus and characters persisted long after the creators’ involvement with their respective fandoms, and they’ve shifted enough from the original author’s intent that if you ask a couple fandom members “who are these characters”, i guarantee they’ll all have a slightly different answer.

- despite how the project is written, the intended message isn’t necessarily “we need to stop using characters/aus FOREVER if the creator stops being involved with them”. i consider the dark aspects of the story moreso a byproduct of its status as a digital horror story (and my own fears as an artist) rather than a deliberate condemnation of fanon persisting after the creator stops their involvement. because there are cases where the creator willingly gives their art to the community, or is otherwise fine with people continuing it in their place

- also i’m gonna have to set up a fuckton of blogs for this if i’m gonna make this a fully-immersive experience and not rely too much on the suspension of disbelief lol

[annabellelupin]

I know I like just said a few days ago I was going to step back from controversial posts for a bit but something has kind of came to my attention I'd like to address

I'm going to start of with the fact that this is not a hate post so don't get all pissed off at me for this. I'm fine with people expressing there opinions maturely but if you're just going to argue like a child I will delete the replies/reblogs and block you if needed, I don't want to deal with the drama and arguing.

Sometimes I really think people forget Barty Crouch Jr played a very big role in Goblet of Fire.

He locked a man in a trunk for weeks, turned a 14 year old into a ferret (yes he totally deserved it but the man still didn't deserve to get traumatized), is one of the main reasons Cedric died (he created the portkey-), he showed kids unforgivable curses which definitely was a bit traumatic for some of them (and seemed to trigger some ptsd for Neville), helped torture Alice and Frank Longbottom (two very wonderful people) to insanity and caused Neville so much pain by doing so.

Apparently people are defending him because his dad kind of sucked. I'd like to politely point out his mother loved him so much that she traded places with him so he could get out of Azkaban. And what does he do? Oh right, he goes right back to his old ways. I mean you'd figure most reasonable people would take that as a second chance and a reason to change, but nope not him.

... And yet people defend him and push aside the fact he's done some pretty bad things. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for redemption arcs and such, but what redeemable qualities has this man ever showed? and yes I get that he wasn't always a wizard nazi, but it's mentioned in the seventh books that a group of people who become such were doing really terrible things around Hogwarts, and one harmed Mary pretty badly. Just imagine what he did to people during his time at Hogwarts. People don't become evil over night. And unlike a lot of the des out there, he didn't have an entire family supporting Voldemorts actions that drove him to do it, he did it on his own accord.

now, before anyone goes "Oh that never happened!" or "He'd never do that!" he's some proof:

I'm not even going to bother finding the parts where he scars kids for life just because he can. I think this speaks for itself.

and someone pointed out that yes, his dad was a fucking bastard but most characterss had terrible families. I can name so many other characters that went through a lot and didn't do things like this over it. the man even had the audacity to lie about doing a lot of it. yes he was young then, but even years upon years later he made no effort to change for the better. I can almost guarantee that if he would've genuinely changed, Crouch sr would not have done half of this stuff. Like do you really think most parents would willingly do that to their children? he knew if he didn't then they'd both end up getting in trouble (not saying he should've done it, just that he didn't do it for nothing, his own reputation aside he was probably worried his son would end up hurting people again).

I really don't understand how people can defend and love this character...

but whatever. idc. i dont like him but if you do then it's whatever. I'm not going to be directly rude to you if I don't like the same characters or ships as you so don't go thinking this is me being rude to people who do like him, that's not the case. I'm just explaining my thoughts on the subject.

[doomedbythe-narrative]

did you delete your shinran future post? i liked it so i could read it later and now i can't find it anymore

hey!! yes I did -- for reasons that end up boiling down to not liking how I worded things and making it all seem much more uhhhh negative then I intended to. Sorry about that!

I've been thinking these past few days and if you still wanna know what I WANTED to say but hopefully better worded here you go. Also sorry for any spelling/typos I'm actually on my computer for once so I dont have autocorrect to save my ass. <- can never remember how to do the cut thing on mobile

I think in real life ShinRan would not work out. I want to emphasize in real life, because ShinRan is my favourite ship (despite my occasional dabbeling in Heijshin) and I love them and I want them to work out and this is, at the end of a day, a story about them and their life and how much Shinichi loves her. I do actually consider the manga a lovestory first and foremost, because Shinichis main motivation is to return to Ran and to live a happy normal life with her -- normal crossed out because I doubt they'd ever be able to live a normal life, but you get what I mean.

In univerese I imagine they'd work out similarly to Yusako and Yukiko, where yeah there's a case every other day, but they still get to spend enough time together to make up for Shinichi having to get up during dinner to safe the day or whatever. Shinichi actually returning to his life as Shinichi and a potential reveal where Ran realises that huh he never actually did leave her alone and had good, legitimate reasons for his "absence" -- that would probably really work in their favour. If he actually gets his shit together and works with her/lets her tag along (in case he ends up being a detective like her dad) that'd be a hugeee plus (bodyguard ran :sideeye:).

If he ends up going the police route with a semi regular (???) work schedule and a DUTY to leave, even during, perhaps, dates or whatever, I think Ran could cope with that as well, knowing how her dad used to have to leave her mum and her admiration (?) for the policemen/women in her life (<- so long he doesnt go down the Furuya route and/or joins one of the many, many organisations that would probably beg him for help once the BO is taken down. Like I think Ran would probably be over the whole spy/really dangerous people are after my life all the time thing and straight up beat him up if he tried to.)

In real life though I only see too real possibilties: either Ran gets tired of having to wait for him all the time, before the reveal even happens, (which has,,,sorta?? happened in canon already?? like its a joke at this point, and she does have the patience of a saint but lets be real) -- a girl can only take so much, and having to watch her sit around and wait for him all the time hurts even as a fan. Like at some point she'd be fed up with his shit or, if she somehow managed to hang on, Sonoko'd be fed up with his shit.

Like someone in her life would go: you know what? screw this and make her move on and they'd be right to do it too. Again, love Shinichi, like that's my special guy and whatever, but I don't think Ran, or anyone for that matter, could be happy in a relationship like that. Option two is...well...unlikely to say the least becuase, lets say the reveal does happen before she calls it quits and the BO gets taken down and Shinichi gets the therapy he needs -- unless he stops working as a detective, I honestly don't see them working out.

Finding out that your childhood best friend and boyfriend almost died, multiple times all while trying to protect you and lying to your face over and over again to do that is STILL putting himself in danger again and again??? I don't think Ran would like realistically be able to sleep every time he'd be out solving cases or whatever. And I dont think Shinichi would let her come along either because his main motivation is to protect her and she's already gotten in danger during "normal" cases before. AND SHE WOULDNT WANT TO KEEP WAITING.

So. Either he quits (which I don't see happening, not for lack of trying on his part but rather his ability to attract danger and also his sense of justice wouldn't let him I think) or they call it quits for their own sakes.

But this isn't real life so idc shinran on top lmao in my head they get married and live happily ever after

[iviarellereads]

All Systems Red, Chapter 2

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which the humans, in true human fashion, want to packbond.

When MB wakes up, it's up to 80% efficiency, and Mensah has extended the security lockdown an additional four hours, but left a message asking MB to report to her. MB has never been asked to do this by any client, it seems, but thinks maybe she wants to go over the planetary hazard info packet and why it didn't mention the giant predatory worms.

MB takes a moment to say it really doesn't care about its clients or what their goals are.(1) It knows that these clients are from a freehold (not associated with a major corporate confederation) called PreservationAux, and the survey is to see if this planet is worth buying a share in the planet's resource extraction potential. It wasn't expecting much from them, but they've been surprisingly easy to work with.(2)

MB cleans itself off, and puts its armour in its repair slots. It doesn't want to dig out the spare armour set, so it puts on the uniform provided for it instead, something like exercise clothes.

When MB goes out into the main hub, everyone is talking and Mensah is busy, so it waits silently. Ratthi is the first to notice it, with a comedic double take. MB comments that's why it prefers wearing armour as much as possible: the humans like to pretend it's a mindless robot, and that's easier when they don't see a human body shape.

Ratthi asks who this is, with the security lockdown preventing anyone coming in or out. Mensah is busy on an interface, so MB has to say it's their SecUnit. They all look almost as uncomfortable as MB feels, and it wishes it had taken the time to get the spare armour.

Part of it is, they didn’t want me here. Not here in their hub, but here on the planet. One of the reasons the bond company requires it, besides slapping more expensive markups on their clients, is that I was recording all their conversations all the time, though I wasn’t monitoring anything I didn’t need to do a half-assed version of my job. But the company would access all those recordings and data mine them for anything they could sell.(3) No, they don’t tell people that. Yes, everyone does know it. No, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Shortly (subjective: half hour, objective: 3.4 seconds) Mensah turns and sees MB, and asks it to review the hazard report, just as it expected. It does so, and can feel Dr. Gurathin, an augmented human with his own interface, poking at the data while the others, on touch interfaces, are more distant.

At first, MB thinks they're being paranoid, but it finds discrepancies in phrasing, indicating deletions in the warnings and the section on fauna. Everyone's pretty pissed off about it, and MB likes their openness with each other. It outlines their interpersonal relationships, and says they're very low-stress and restful to be around… just as long as they don't try to interact with it.

The team speculates on what biological niche the hostiles fill, but Pin-Lee brings them back to the important bit: who removed the subreport? She asks MB directly, can HubSystem be hacked? MB thinks how it hacked it easily from inside, to hide its hacked governor module, but from outside… it says it's possible, but more likely they were sent an incomplete report. Mensah assigns Pin-Lee and Gurathin to tracking that problem down, and asks if the other group on the planet, DeltFall, were given the same damaged report. MB checks with HubSystem, which says it's likely, but MB is skeptical of HubSystem's reliability. Aloud, it only says, "Probably".

Mensah gives instructions for the team, and MB asks if she needs it for anything else. Mensah says no, she'll call if they do, but… it could stay in the crew area if it wants.(4)

They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I’m out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.(5) Mensah sat up, startled. She said hurriedly, “Or not, you know, whatever you like.” I said, “I need to check the perimeter,” and managed to turn and leave the crew area in a totally normal way and not like I was fleeing from a bunch of giant hostiles

Back in the ready room, MB is upset that it gave away that it doesn't want to be around them. It worries, because it has too much to hide to make mistakes like that. A slip leaves the rest of its secrets less protected.

It decides to do some work instead of moping, and gets its spare armour to do the perimeter walk, check on the hoppers, double check the emergency supplies, everything it can think to do for its job parameters. Then, it goes into standby with some more Sanctuary Moon.

It's just fast-forwarding through a sex scene(6) when Mensah sends it some images. It's interested enough to pause and save its place. It hasn't really looked at the satellite maps, because it hasn't needed to, but now that Mensah's pointed it out, there are six huge swaths of the planet missing from their documentation.

MB is so grateful that Mensah did it all over the feed instead of insisting on in-person, it gives her its honest opinion: the package was cheap, and it's likely the pieces are missing for that reason, but the only way to know is go out for yourself and see if there's something worth seeing in the missing regions.

MB feels Mensah's attention pull back from the feed, so it tunes into the hub cameras to listen to the humans' discussion. They're all in favour of going to check it out. They've already had a conversation with DeltFall, who agreed to send the missing files, but MB knows how this is going to go, and that they don't know security like it does. It wants to go alone, but if its governor module were working, the failsafes would fry it if it went further than 100 meters away from all the clients, so it can't volunteer.

So when Mensah opened the feed again to tell me they were going, I told her security protocols suggested that I should go, too.(7)

=====

(1) I think this is a little too much protest, if you feel me. MB may not be the most reliable narrator of its relationships. It could have followed protocol and left Volescu in the crater in chapter 1, but it didn't. It could have been aggressive in getting him out, but it wasn't. It took the time to get his attention and, in a totally appropriate manner, distract and guide him out of it. (2) I wonder what MB's criteria are for "easy to work with". Following directions without question from a trained professional? Not complaining about things like the security lockdown while it regenerated? (3) Sound familiar? (4) Humans packbond even with the most unlikely of creatures. We packbonded with dogs and cats, and honestly, we've been packbonding even with the autofill chinese box text generators they're calling AI these days. Of COURSE they're going to want to treat MB like a person when they see that it's person-shaped. Mensah in particular recognized that MB didn't have to do as much for Volescu as it did, and I like to think she sees a spark of something in it. (5) Our dear MB, on the other hand, has little urge to be treated like a person, because that means interacting with people, which it has never been trained or encouraged to do outside the boundaries of its contractual requirements. (6) MB thinks it has no interest in sex scenes in media because it has no gender or sex-related parts, since that would make it a sexbot, not a murderbot. This has, however, led to more or less canon assertions that MB is just ace. This could be considered problematic in some senses, because real ace people are accused of being broken or lacking in some supposedly essential quality, just like MB literally lacks sexable genitals. Notwithstanding author bigotry I'm not aware of, I (occupying spots on the aro and ace spectra) am inclined to forgive the false equivalence because MB is a bot, and even with organic bits, it still has some drives and capabilities that seem inextricable from its constructive and semi-programmed nature. This is not to say anyone else has to feel the same way, or that this counts as any sort of representation because to me it really kinda doesn't even if MB is relatable in this way for some people including myself. This is just the space to put my thoughts as I read. (7) Do you think this is purely fulfilling its function, or does MB seem a little too eager to make sure these humans survive? (I'm in camp the latter if that's not clear, no matter what it says.)

[little--ghost]

the more i think abt gijinka verse the more depressing it gets. someone get these children therapy right now

like. i think Azu was hit hard enough constantly living in fear of being thrown out at a moment’s notice, watching zir siblings get dragged away almost unprompted sometimes after they were deemed imperfect that zir mind just. deleted those memories. the trauma never went away, if ze went back to where the palace was ze’s going to have a horrid time

Clover Seems somewhat normal but i feel like its suffering from this distinct thing of “i cannot do anything, my actions dont matter” or just an inherent fear of. Everything? maybe? it was always kind of timid, but fear of action is a thing in general i think. being unable to do anything to stop the kingsmould dragging people away or it joins them too

though it had the luck of some emotional support from Hornet for a while at least

Azu, Clover and Ghost together is something of its own thing bc thinking about it. none of them knew how to deal w/emotions and it sucked watching someone have a breakdown or anything bc they just……… didn’t know? how to deal w/it? they didn’t know how to help so they’d just. Watch. but at least they tried with gifts, its probably part of why all of them have gift giving as a love language

but im still a little glad at least, that during the main run Ghost still could find some bit of comfort in places (the city square, even if it hurt them too seeing that statue) or. two people (Quirrel, rip, and Elderbug)

the rest of them eventually found at least One thing to appreciate in post, even if it took a while. and then it becomes a few more things

[the-corset-witch]

Obsidian.MD - 3 Vaults

As I've previously mentioned, I have split the melting pot of my Notion into 3-4 Vaults. These are my Book of Secrets, Dvalpersy, Gaming Vaults (Sims, Starbound).

Book of Secrets

This is the vault that I spend almost the most time in, besides the next one. I am currently having to tidy it up because the Notion Import was really messy. I am condensing the many pages that were built out of the Notion system of tables&databases creating pages upon pages into singular pages, or in some cases, just deleting them.

This is slowly creating a change in my Graph where it is becoming a bit more readable and easier to hover over the dots. It's also taking less stress off of the Local Graphs. Things I want to do include this:

Refine Notes Snippets from Past/2019-2023

Make Book pages uniform, scrape data from old posts to help compile clearer Book pages.

Expand Grimoire "leaves" so that branches can be built with connections to Books & other topics.

Templates! I want to go through all my journaling and look at the data I seem to most often focus on, and create Templates for each of these, and use Templater Plugin to automate the Note Placement based on Template Used.

But, I have managed to create and refine my Personal Timeline using the plugin April's Automatic Timelines. This plugin has made it very easy to create one massive giant timeline of all the major "plot points" of my life, and then to go in and also create smaller more nuanced timelines of relationships, patterns in jobs and such. It's easy to get lost in this plugin and in my own personal history. It was a bit wonky at first, but after fixing the Date Format, it worked fine!

Dvalpersy

This is where I may spend more time, to be honest, because this is my Writing Vault for the world I am building. There are far more plugins on this vault, it has its own custom 21-month Calendar with 723 Days, and April's Automatic Timelines also help keep all the events that add to the WorldBuilding Lore organized. I have some main folders, History & Lore, Population, World, and Writings.

I am currently emailing back and forth to figure out why the Longform plugin isn't formatting it's Index for me correctly, I really don't understand what's going on there, but all the other plugins I use seem to be working completely fine!

I use a lot of Canvases in this Vault, which is very neat, but some people chose to use Excalidraw. I've been thinking about it because aesthetically it looks rad as hell.

I have built a considerable amount of templates here that I will probably be borrowing from in order to help create templates for my BoS Vault.

Gaming Vaults

I used to use Notion to keep my Rules & Excel or Google to keep the data on my Sims, but I am attempting to do that in one app here with Obsidian. Granted, I haven't used it much for Sims. What I did end up using it for was Starbound.

It all started with creating my Captain's Page, and then each planet she visited began getting a page and small stories began to build, and soon it was almost like a strange wikipedia of her adventures. It has me wanting to completely scrub out my Starbound data and start fresh, because multiple characters/captains could each have a separate page and their adventures could almost never touch-- unless, by chance, they did find the same planet. And the Universe, that stays the same on your PC with Starbound, or so I read, so this actually has me quite fascinated with the capabilities.

The plugins on these tend to be really basic, and usually I lean on the ITS theme for these Vaults as well.

[nidailylife]

8.13.2023. I feel like i keep venting too much on my main blog, forgetting i have this sideblog.

My main blog is supposed to be about fandom stuff. ...Unfortunately, a lot of my meltdowns and mental crisises are about famdom stuff. (I dont have too much else in my life. Too much social anxiety.) I must be scaring people on my fandom blog. No wonder even some of my favorite arists blocked me. 😥

Maybe i just need to get back to journaling offline. But it can be a hassel to boot up my computer. And once i turn it on, i often forget to turn it off. It's going to wear out too soon. Sometimes it's just easier to write on Tumblr. It's been so much more dependable than other apps I've tried in the past. Apps that lost everything when my phone died. Like all those notes i took of my symptoms when the pandemic first started. I wish i could still reference those. So many habit trackers that just got bugs and messed up my notes too. Tumblr is just more reliable. And it's not like I'm followed by non-bots anyway (except for maybe like 2 or 4 people). Maybe i should just have a private Tumblr for my journalling and venting. But i never remember the passwords for private sideblogs. And writing my hand is unsustainable for me. There's always too much i want to write and not enough stamina in my hands.

Anyway, i got really annoyed over a fictional character, almost for the entirity of yesterday. I dont want to delete my ranting posts, because those are important personal fandom records for me. But it's also pretty ridiculous, embarassing, and unnecessarily hostile. But you cant Archive tag search private posts. So i went back and hid all my ranting posts under cuts. I just hope leaving my rants posted publically doesn't make me the infamous crazy fangirl they talk about behind my back or on other platforms. ...But it's alwaysba possibikity because I AM a crazy fangirl.

I just feel so stuck as an artist, when all i want to draw and make merch for is my OTP...but Ive probably destroyed my reputation in the fandom. I can't be confident about opening an online shop or selling stickers or especially networking and advertising my art/merch, when i know the fandom i make art for, probably hates me, ON TOP of my illustration skills being objectively bad. But "small business artist" is my only career/financial option right now. And I'm destroying it by expressing my fandom.

The other day, someone poated a list of things to do to have a good reputation online, for small business artists, or maybe it was for people in general. One point was to not post opinions about anything (especially political). I'm a human being. Is that really possible to do?

I keep thinking about rebranding, separating my past fangirl self from my art business. But i hit a wall when i realized almost all my art is attached to my fandoms. Even if i changed my online name brand, it'd be too easy to anyone to find my art also on my art blog or fangirling blog, then realize i eas that crazy fangirl with a ruined reputation. How can i feel confident, sinking hundreds of dillars, making merch out of my fanart, and then advertising it to the corresponding fandom communities, when even a rebrand may not save me. I used to be so hopeful that a rebrand could free me from all my worries. But if you need to advertise your art, it's too easy to use that very art to track my old identity. I really feel trapped and stuck, and unable to move.

...But i guess that's usual with my frequently catastrophizing brain. I still dont know what to do tho. Im still too afraid to open that online shop or advertise my merch.

I think about rebranding to only my original art, cut ties with fandom when it comes to my small art business. But I've watched too many marketing vids to know that not piggybacking off a preexisting community, is the opposite of smart. ...but ive ruined my rep with them...i think...

Just feeling trapped. Paralyzed. Too afraid.

And journalling on Tumblr. Tho even that is stressing me out, in a way, too, i guess.

[rainofthetwilight]

*suddenly appears back to this post*

hey guys, wanna know some facts about this au??

*cricket chirping*

OKAY LETS GO!!!!

I created jenna and ethan in 2020 with my friend, london, which means we've had them for three years now!! (me and london met on youtube just a bit before season 13 was out, how the hell did we meet on yt? from a jaya video lmao [we were both absolutely obsessed with jaya those times especially], we kept chatting to eachother in the replies of her comment till she asked if we could talk more) and as you'd expect their story was much more different! and their designs, of course, but they don't differ so much actually

speaking of designs, jenna used to be a ginger just like jay and both she and ethan had blue eyes (from jay), but then she was made a brunette and both of the kids were still given jay's eyes, but instead of jenna having blue too she has gold/amber (jay has gold and blue eyes in our hc) none of them got nya's brown eyes :((

jenna and ethan's first concepts weren't them born in the seasons, they were just the future masters of water and lightning until I brought the idea up! now it's basically our main lmao

jenna was actually going to be an only child, but then we suddenly made ethan and his name was almost noah or something along the lines I think– BUT their middle names were always the same, they never changed even after 3 years

they have cousins!! will not be revealed (yet, but two of said cousins are twinsies [with a little bro] :DD)

I only ever posted once abt this au before I made my first actual post abt them this year in august (bro..august??), it was art that I posted last year I think??? uhh I don't know, but it was v late 2022-early 2023 I think (I'll probably edit this if I find out I'm wrong lmao, I still have the drawing btw), but I quickly deleted the post a while after for some reason

that part where it says jenna named baby ethan? that's completely based off of my dad and my aunt lmao, she saw him as a baby and then kept shouting his name repeatedly, so my grandparents decided to name him that bc they liked it

lil jenna's signature hairstyle was always pigtails, and ethan used to have actual bangs instead of some fringes

so there ya have it, might add more to the tags once I remember more :))

AND FINALLY HERE IS A SMALL MASTERPOST FOR THE HELLSPAWN WALKER SIBLINGS!!

I present to you, Jenna and Ethan :DD

(also since you asked to be tagged, @alizibtheterrible)

(pssst, here are the ref sheets for these kiddos)

-

before I get into anything, here are my timelines in this AU:

2 years between moto and season 11, atleast 5 months between s11 and s12, 5 more months between s12 and s13, 4 months between s13 and the island, a month between the island and s15, canonically a year between s15 and crystallized, 2 years between crystallized and the merge, 5 years between the merge and the events of DR

and jenna and ethan's ages during these times:

jenna: a year old during s11, almost two years old during s13, turned three a while after nya left, four during crystallized, six when the merge happened, and 11 in current time

ethan: a year old when the merge happened, and 6 in current time

I..know it's probably confusing, but I can attempt to explain more if you don't understand!

my fic for these two is currently being rewritten!!

and now, time to ramble abt the kids!! (warning, VERY long)

their full names are: Jenna Edna Lilly Walker and Ethan Ed Raymond Walker (you can guess who was named after who)

jenna was born just a year after moto, and ethan was born also a year after crystallized!

and from that, the age difference between them is 5 years

jenna inherits jay's powers, and ethan inherits nya's

ethan has ADHD and lacks good social skills due to being surrounded by only 2 people for most of his childhood, while jenna has anxiety, trust issues and some slight ptsd

oh and I can't forget to sprinkle the t r a u m a on them both

they have a good dynamic and bicker normally like siblings always do, but jenna sometimes needs to have her alone time and hates when anyone bothers her so she can snap at any time

while ethan is sensitive and cant control himself, especially if he sees someone distressed, but if he himself is the distressed one either no one should even come near him or he needs a genuiene hug or encouraging words from someone

I'm not sure when jenna will get her powers and will get her true potential, but until I figure it out, she gets her potential when she saw a certain someone in danger (kinda placeholder!!)

she didnt have control of her powers much at first, but would soon learn its abilities

and when ethan gets his powers, it doesn't go smoothly at all due to nya having been turned into the sea, so all the sudden power is..quite a painful experience without control

his true potential? realizing his worth and saving his sister from danger

I don't have exact birthdays for them yet, but the placeholders for now are may 23rd (jenna) and october 8th (ethan)

when they got a bit older, jenna decided to dye some streaks of her hair blue (and one time had a pixie cut), ethan didn't take any creative liberties with his hair but would sometimes style it when he's bored

jenna was named by jay, and while nya had wanted lilly she didnt mind and just she told him ''as long as you don't name her nya junior I won't throw you off a building"

lilly in the end was just given as a middle name

want a fun fact? jenna was the one that named ethan, the moment she saw him in his little blanket she just kept shouting "ethan! ethan!"

jenna always had a love for mechanism, while ethan would break a tv just by staring at it

tbf he does kind of have an intrest, but he finds it boring and just likes how it looks

and jenna has a HUGE obsession for drawing and painting, while ethan likes cooking and is declared 'the gordon ramsey of the walkers* by jenna lmao

Jenna: dude please just open your own restuarant at this point Ethan: for the love of the fucking fsm Jenna-

jenna's special nickname is JJ! long story short, it was at first a shortened version of 'jay junior' that was actually a joke but then it became her actual nickname lmao

jenna is aroace and will go by she/they in the future, while ethan goes by he/him and will come out as bi!

jenna was attached to both her parents but felt closer to nya, especially after seabound

she'd watch her and jay in the sam x cave for ages

never remembering nya nor jay, ethan was wary of nya at first and tried to stay close to jenna but the moment she hugged him? he felt safe and knew it was right (shoot I'm kinda spoiling the reunion uhh)

jenna says she has no favourite uncle, but it's secretly cole and only he knows that

and she bullies kai, even when she's not ordered to do so by jay 👌

she does have a good bond with all of them tho!

jenna, in dragons rising, is 5'0 and will stay that height for a while until she hits a sudden growth spurt at 13 and is literally 5'6

and she'd be 5'9 at 16

happens with ethan aswell, he's only 6 so he's about 3'8 which is average for his age, but he'll keep growing taller and taller and he stops growing once he reached 5'8

The Forest Of Walkers(tm) as a moot of mine once quoted (we both hc jay to be very tall, finn I am looking at you)

and yes, that small part of the drawing of them walking is them in the future, I have no exact design yet and just wanted to throw that in bc of the free space lmao (I will post their future designs tho trust)

fun fact: when me and my friend were still planning what jenna and ethan would be doing after the merge, instead of staying with lloyd they had ended up with sora and arin

in this au, maya and ray are a tad closer to nya than they are in the actual show, they visit regularly to check on her, jay and jenna (soon ethan aswell)

both them and ed and edna SPOIL HER TO DEATH. they'd gladly take jenna any day

..which actually happened, seabound stuff :")

from the way all the ninja grieved, it was extremely lonely for a 3 almost 4 year old kid, especially with how everything happened so suddenly and how she can't yet process grief well, she only had cole who'd stay with her alot when she wasn't at her grandparents

even at their places it felt gloomy, but she loved to distract herself when she'd be in the junkyard by helping ed collect scraps and build with him (when her love of mechanism began)

and she loved to take walks with maya or ray at ignacia, or watch ray blacksmithing

it calmed her down a bit, but she knew something was still missing

crystallized was..not the best experience either

because of spoilers and still planning out some more stuff, time to jump to post-crystallized

jenna grew much closer to nya, and had went to school 2 months after ethan was born!

she started in first grade, and was chaotic as fuck

she beat a kid in her class once just because he didnt like her drawings, obviously did not end well but she won and she was proud af 😎

during the timeskip after the merge, when ethan hit 4, lloyd would do some sort of homeschooling for him since he and jenna never left the monastery

Lloyd: okay, what's 5+6?

Ethan: 10!

Lloyd, trying not explode because he was so close:

I have so much more, but this is getting long af and I'm tired lmao

for my moots that are in the combined au, feel free to ramble in the tags aswell if u want to btw!! I wish I could too but I don't have the fuckin energy :'))

I may add on once I have the time and energy in the notes (or another post), but for now here's some info abt these hellspawns :"DD

[rainbowvamp]

2k into the dragon hatcher au, and I've given Hob the screen name "HobBobRob" because I thought it was funny.

Also, Morpheus is so full of angst it's disgusting what is wrong with him?

Also also. Plot that is not just "dreamling get together" is sneaking in here and I don't like it :(

Snippet below the cut:

There were two comments beneath the listing.

LupeG78: Dude, are you serious? Reported for spam.

HobBobRob: Haha, course he’s not serious. It’s probably for a role-play thing or something. Sounds like fun. Might check it out :)

HobBobRob had also sent him a private message. Morpheus didn’t have much hope for it, considering the comment, but sighed, took a bite of his dinner, and opened the message anyway.

Message from HobBobRob - 8:09pm Hey, that ad you’ve placed is Jobs is going to get you hurt. I would consider taking your address down. It looks like that’s a residential area and if that’s your actual house, giving out the address isn’t a good idea. 

Morpheus rolled his eyes at the message and responded just to be polite.

Message from OfTheEndless - 10:24 I have never had a problem before. I doubt it will be an issue now. You need not be concerned.

HobBobRob - 10:26 Yeah, well, between you and me, that sounds like a big fat sack of coincidence, and not something you should be depending on. Someone could literally google maps this and show up at your house in the middle of the night and rob you. Or kill you. Aren’t you scared?

It was almost touching to see this total stranger's concern. Where usually Dream would have ignored such a message, he responded again, feeling that it might bring him some amusement.

OfTheEndless - 10:27 Only the worthy would be able to find my domain, let alone enter it. I have no fear. I would never put my charges at such risk if I did. 

HobBobRob - 10:28  Way to commit to the bit, I guess, but I’m serious. This is not safe. I’m a total stranger, and I’m looking at your house on google earth right now. I can see your cat in the window.

Morpheus smirked to himself. He did not have a cat. He hadn’t had a cat since at least 1850. 

OfTheEndless - 10:31 I see. Well, if you’re so sure, come and find me then. 

HobBobRob - 10:31 Dude, what the fuck? You can’t just challenge people to come and find you. 

OfTheEndless - 10:33 I believe I just did. Speak friend and enter. 

HobBobRob - 10:35 There aren’t even dragons in the Lord of the Rings. You’re just having me on.

Morpheus smiled to himself. Food half forgotten, mostly being eaten out of pure rote habit than anything else. Every once in a while, people amused him.

OfTheEndless - 10:35 A dragon is the main antagonist of The Hobbit. Or did you only see the movie?

HobBobRob - 10:37 I’m serious. I’m going to come and show up at your house and if I do, I need you to take your address off the internet. I’m not interested in your weird role-play thing, and anyone who is can ask for your address somewhere private. 

OfTheEndless - 10:38 Please do. I’m sure you’ll prove me right. 

HobBobRob - 10:39 You’re insane. I mean, good for you, have fun, but you’re full batty. 

OfTheEndless - 10:41 May I remind you, you are the one of us promising to come to a stranger’s address in the middle of the night. 

HobBobRob - 10:42 If I show up, unworthy me, will you take your address down?

OfTheEndless - 10:43 If you make it through the door, I’ll delete the whole post. 

HobBobRob - 10:46 You’re on. 

[demadogs]

are there any particular byler moments/scenes you’d really like to see in s4? bonus points if you share any snippets of the dialogue that i’m sure you’ve already envisioned skksksks

hmm ive posted this before so im sorry if youve seen it already and were hoping for something new but i really like this first kiss idea i thought of. i first posted this on my main before i made this sideblog and then i deleted all my stranger things posts over there after reblogging them here so im gonna copy and paste it.

-

concept: mikes been flipping out the whole season realizing hes gay and in love with will. hes really anxious around him now. will’s picked up on it and finally confronts him about it and makes mike talk to him. mike tries to just come out but then he looks at will and instead he asks him if theres anything that he could ever do that would make will drop him as a friend. will’s confused and immediately goes to say no but then mike interrupts him and is like “no really think about it. is there anything at all that i could do to you that would make you never want to talk to me again?” will takes a second before he responds and eventually he says something like “no why would you even ask-” and then mike just kisses him before he finishes the sentence.

and THEN before will could even say anything after mike pulls away, a demogorgon or evil russians or some other end of the world shit goes down and they have to deal with almost dying for a while before they even get a chance to talk about it.

i also really like the idea of their first emotional or soft moment where they let go of the angst thats been building this season happening while theyre alone and hiding from whatever conflict the california gang is running from. like there could be absolute chaos the whole episode and then just mike and will find a hiding spot and they finally have their soft moment and admit their feelings somehow. and then theyre found and it immediately goes back to chaos. but now as they run away theyre probably holding hands. mostly for the sake of sticking together and getting out of the danger but also cuz theyve established how gay they are.

[raibebe]

Of needles and seduction

Genre: Fluff and smut Words: 15.2k Prompt: Johnny tattoo shop AU featuring best friends Yangyang and Jaemin Warnings: contains smut, Daddy-kink, size-kink, mentions of mirror-sex

A/N: This is very self-indulgent, I’m sorry. While I do have piercings myself, I know next to nothing about tattoos, so I’m sorry if anything is inaccurate. Also I don’t advise what some characters in this are doing for yourself. Just a quick special thanks to @burtonized​ who has listened to me ramble about this story and Johnny and helped me write this by giving me ideas and support. Thank you darling! This fic is a beast, I have never written anything this long,it’s insane. If smut isn’t for you, you can stop reading after the phone call and still have a pretty decent story. If you feel like, you’ve seen this post before, you might have. I deleted the original one because tumblr decided to delete it from the tags.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” You asked for what you felt was the tenth time in the past five minutes. “It’s going to be fine. The shop is clean and sanitary,” your friend Yangyang groaned while running his hands through his messy, blonde hair. It was getting way too long, hanging low into his eyes. “I’m just saying that this doesn’t seem like a safe place,” you mumbled but followed your hyper friend through a more than dubious looking side street of Itaewon. “Jaemin got his piercings done in the same shop and those healed just fine, stop being a baby,” the blonde said while rolling his eyes. He quickly checked his phone for the address of the (probably illegal) piercing and tattoo shop and took a sharp turn into an even shadier looking street. “I still don’t get while you need me to come with you when you want to get your nipples pierced for god knows what of a stupid reason.” “It’s easy,” Yangyang grinned at you, “Ten said I wouldn’t dare to do it. And I’m going to prove him wrong and you’re going to document the progress.” “Do you ever listen to yourself talk? You’re literally paying someone to stab you into your nipples to shove a piece of metal through it just to prove a point.” “It’s just one nipple though.” “How does that make it any better, Yangyang?” You deadpanned. Your friend groaned again. “I knew I should have taken Guanheng with me. He would have been supportive.” “He would also be supportive of getting ‘I love Tacos’ tattooed on your ass.” “He would,” Yangyang agreed with an exaggerated dreamy look on his face. “What a madlad.”

You sighed but couldn’t help smiling at his antics. You had befriended the hyper exchange student when you had been assigned to be partners for a group project for your mandarin class. Yangyang had only taken the class for extra credit and easy good grades while you were struggling like crazy and had seriously questioned all your life choices that had let to you taking the class. (But mostly you regretted listening to Renjun who had convinced you it would be an easy class.) The group project turned out to be rather easy when you had a native speaker as your partner and you had become fond of the younger student, staying in touch with him and helping him find his way around the big campus. If you had known that he was a package deal with a bunch of other equally hyper and questionably crazy exchange students, you might have thought a little longer about keeping in touch after the project was over. But who were you kidding, the other boys and Yangyang were incredibly dear to you and if Kun had his regular morning coffee, the others weren’t even that chaotic.

“That’s it,” Yangyang suddenly exclaimed, pointing at a small beat up looking wooden door that looked like it was ready to fall out of the doorway any second. But a little green neon sign that hang next to it flashed the word “open” onto the street indicating that a shop must be hiding behind it. Your arguably best friend quickly grabbed your hand as if he had been sensing that you were about to complain again and dragged you into the shop. A little bell jingled quietly when Yangyang closed the door behind you two. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves (hell you weren’t even the one to get stabbed with a needle) and took a look around the small room. It was small and poorly lit and every free space on the walls was plastered with drawings and photos of both freshly done and healed tattoos. You had to admit that whoever had done those had done a good job, they looked really neat. You guessed that at least two artists must be working in the shop. A good portion of the art were very neat black and white works (some looking freakishly realistic) while others were very vibrant and artistic.

With a confident bounce in his step, Yangyang went up to the counter to a man with wild bubblegum pink hair wearing a black tank top that showed off the ink on his arms and torso, all kept in black except for a deep red rose on the side of his neck. His eyes were lined with dark eyeliner, making them seem like dark bottomless orbs, and they were fixed to the screen of a laptop that was covered in stickers that were a wild mixture of cute characters and various rock and hip-hop bands. “And what brings you here?” The man asked with a surprisingly deep voice, turning his head towards your friend. “A friend of mine told me I could get pierced here,” Yangyang spoke, his hands fumbling with the loose threads of his sweater. “And if that was the case, what would you want to get pierced?” “My nipple.” At that the other man raised one of his perfectly arched eyebrows. “People usually start off with getting an earring or something.” “Go hard or go home,” Yangyang grinned, making the other man snort. “If you have 70.000 Won in cash, I can look if one of the piercers is free.” When your friend got out his worn wallet and put a couple of bills onto the counter, the other man smiled for the first time. It didn’t quite fit his whole dark punk aesthetic but you couldn’t deny that he was really good looking.

“Don’t run away now kiddo, I’ll see if someone is free,” he grinned, “I’m Taeyong by the way.” When he disappeared behind a curtain made out of pearls into the back, Yangyang turned towards you with the biggest smile on his face. “I told you it was going to be fine.” You just hummed nonchalantly, still not entirely supportive of the whole idea. “One of the guys is ready in a bit,” Taeyong said when he came back to the main room. “Are you getting anything?” He asked, looking at you. “Oh no, she’s a scaredy-cat, just here for moral support and to document that I actually did it,” your friend answered for you. Your face immediately heated up under the intense gaze of the pink haired tattoo artist. “Too bad,” he just shrugged. “So technically you need to sign stuff for legal issues and whatnot. But since this place doesn’t exactly exist on records, we’re skipping that part. You’re not on drugs or any meds, right?” “I’m not,” Yangyang shook his head, making his hair flop back into his face. “Any issues with fainting or other medical conditions?”   “Nope.”   “Great. Had a good meal before coming here?” “I had breakfast,” Yangyang shrugged. “You had a slice of cold pizza from yesterday,” you groaned. “That I ate in the morning, therefore it’s breakfast,” he argued. “Well in that case,” Taeyong interrupted your bickering and threw a granola bar into Yangyang’s hands, “Eat that and let your girlfriend treat you to some proper food afterwards.” Before the blonde could deny anything, you had already opened your mouth to tell the other man that in fact you weren’t dating.

“Sure, sorry for assuming,” he shrugged and sat back behind the counter, taking out an iPad and began drawing something, probably a tattoo design. “Nervous yet?” You asked Yangyang who was uncharacteristically quiet while munching on the granola bar. “Shit, I’m really doing this,” he replied, exhaling shakily. “You don’t actually have to, Yangyang,” you tried to comfort him. “And let Ten just get away like that? No way. I am doing this. I’m not his little baby Yangyang anymore,” he said like the stubborn child he was. You could just sigh and roll your eyes at him. “He might have just been joking, you know?” “One does not simply challenge Liu Yangyang like that and not expect consequences.” “Kun is going to actually flip and pop a vein,” you tried to reason with your friend for a last time. Kun was doing a lot of coordination work for the exchange students with a Chinese background and had taken on almost a fatherly role for the younger students that hadn’t been in Korea for long. And even though Ten wasn’t even that much younger than Kun, he almost lost his otherwise calm composure when the Thai boy had announced that he successfully had pierced his ear by himself yet again after he had convinced a poor med student to smuggle some equipment for him. And from there the situation had somehow escalated into Ten daring Yangyang to get a nipple piercing. “Well he can’t do anything about it once it’s done. We’ll just make sure he’s with someone who can call an ambulance if he ends up having an aneurism.”

“Someone still wants their nipple pierced?” A new voice interrupted your conversation and a tall man with dark inky hair came into the room, making the pearls of the curtain clink against each other. One side of his head was shaved while the longer hair on the other side framed his handsome face beautifully. He was wearing a loose black T-shirt paired with ripped jeans with almost as many holes as there was fabric that hugged his long legs perfectly, showing that he had also ink on his legs. From his lobe dangled a little silver chain and of course his arms were covered in intricate designs, one arm strictly black ink while the other sported some colorful pieces as well. In the center of his plush lower lip sat a black ring and just beneath his left eye two little silver balls were reflecting the low light. You couldn’t deny that the man looked absolutely stunning despite his unusual appearance.

“Yes, me,” Yangyang eagerly answered the man’s question and walked towards him, tugging you with him. “Too bad,” the piercer grinned cheekily and winked in your direction, making your heart flutter in your chest and heat rise to your face, before he extended a big hand to shake Yangyang’s much smaller one. “I’m Johnny,” he introduced himself before leading you both into a smaller room in the back with a simple black padded bench in the middle of the room and a desk tucked into a corner. The walls were plastered with art and photos like the main room, showing that Johnny apparently was able to pull off a bunch of different tattoo styles. He seemed to have a thing for florals and roses though. The only free space was taken up by a full body mirror at the opposite wall. Johnny sat down on the little stool that was standing by the desk and motioned for Yangyang to sit on the bench while you sat down in the only other chair in the room, made of worn looking black leather.

“Let me see your chest before we start this whole thing,” Johnny spoke to your friend after he had grabbed a pair of silver framed glasses that sat low on his elegant nose and slipped on a fresh pair of black gloves. With only slightly trembling hands, Yangyang pulled his sweater over his head, keeping his hands buried in the fabric. “Looks good to me. Left or right one?” “Ehrm, I haven’t really thought about it,” he confessed. Johnny chuckled. “Spontaneous decision to get your nipple pierced?” “He does it to prove a point to a friend,” you supplied before Yangyang had the chance to answer. “Seems like a valid reason,” the tattoo artist grinned, “You play guitar or anything where the strap could irritate the new piercing?” “Just the violin,” Yangyang supplied, demonstrating how he would hold his instrument. “Then I’d suggest we go for the left one,” Johnny concluded, grabbing a bunch of stuff he needed. “Is it going to hurt badly?” “No idea, mine aren’t pierced.” “The first one is fine,” another voice chimed into the conversation and a pink mess of hair appeared in the doorway. “My client is there and Jaehyun isn’t back from his break yet, have an open ear for the door.” Johnny just hummed but it seemed enough to satisfy Taeyong who disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.

“You ready?” Johnny asked one last time. Yangyang took a deep but shaky breath and nodded. “You better film this so Ten knows it’s real,” he said, holding out his phone towards you. Rolling your eyes, you got up from your actually really comfortable chair and took the phone from your best friend’s hands while Johnny disinfected Yangyang’s nipple and drew two little circles where the bar would go through it before grabbing a small mirror to show him. “Let’s do this,” your best friend nodded and you pressed record. “It’ll be quick,” Johnny promised, disinfecting one last time before he grabbed a pair of tongs to hold the nipple in place and freed a needle from a foil package. “I’ll count to three and then I’ll start, alright?” “A-Alright.” “Last time to chicken out.” “No, I’m doing this,” Yangyang gritted out, closing his eyes. After that everything happened really fast: Johnny counted to three and steadily pushed the needle through Yangyang’s nipple, who bit his lip hard. He then let the needle dangle from the nipple while freeing a little barbell from another foil package to insert it through the canal he just had made. “And that’s it,” he announced when he secured the little balls on either side of the barbell. You ended the recording when Yangyang left out the breath he had been holding in. “Now no sports, especially no swimming or sexual activities for a while. Clean it well and don’t worry if it gets sore, that’s normal. It can take a while to heal, so be patient and don’t let it get infected. You can get a smaller barbell or a ring once it’s healed. Just come back to get it changed to be safe.” “Fuck I really did that,” Yangyang cursed and looked down to his chest, “I think I need a minute before I can get up.”

“Take your time, I don’t have any clients for another half an hour,” Johnny reassured him, putting the used materials into the trash. “Just please don’t vomit all over the floor or hit your head while fainting.” “That has happened before?” You asked, eyes wide. “Not on me but it’s not unheard of. You sure you don’t want anything?” he asked, turning towards you. His silver framed glasses had slid down his nose a little and you couldn’t deny that the man looked really hot, looking at you from beneath his lashes. “She’s too scared,” Yangyang teased. He couldn’t feel too bad if he still could do that then. “Too bad, I think you would really suit a little conch or something,” the piercer motioned around his own ear to indicate what piercing he meant. “A conch?” You asked, turning towards the mirror to try to imagine it. “Wait let me show you.” Johnny quickly got up to search through the drawers of his desk before he pulled out a little box with a bunch of jewelry, grabbing a small hoop. He stood behind you in front of the mirror. “Hold still for me,” he breathed and bend down to push your hair behind your ear before he carefully put the fake piercing in place. For a moment you could swear that time had stopped. You felt his breath fanning over your skin gently and could smell the intoxicating smell of his cologne. You were so close to each other, you were sure that if you turned your head, your noses would brush against each other. But before you could do anything stupid, Johnny pulled back and gently turned your head so you could see the little silver ring. “I think I could put an even smaller one if you wanted,” he said, watching you through the mirror with an intense gaze from his dark eyes. “I’ve never thought about getting a piercing,” you admitted shyly. While you did get your lobes pierced when you were a child, you never thought of it much. “It looks good. Not so much like daddy’s good girl anymore,” the piercer grinned. You almost choked on air when the words left his plush lips, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks.

“How much?” “For you I’ll do it for free, darling,” he grinned, running a hand through his thick dark hair, making his muscles shift beneath his inked skin. While your brain was still short-circuiting from the nickname, Yangyang seemed to be back to 100%, destroying whatever the atmosphere between you and the tattoo artist just was. “Are you really going to say no to a free piercing, dude?” You could just groan and roll your eyes at your best friend. “Stop calling me dude, Yangyang.” “Only if you get that piercing.” “That’s blackmailing.” “Just do it, it won’t even hurt right?” “It’s just a bit of pressure,” Johnny assured you, his lips curled into a smile. “I can always take it out if I don’t end up liking it,” you thought out aloud. “The beauty of temporary body modifications,” Johnny sighed before he stepped in front of you to take the fake piercing off again. With his face so close to yours again, your eyes traveled over the little silver balls beneath his left eye, over his elegant nose down to the black ring in his lower lip and you briefly wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. “So what will it be?” You looked over to your best friend who had put his hoodie back on and nodded his head enthusiastically, making his fluffy hair flop into his eyes. He really needed a haircut.

“Alright, let’s do this,” you decided. “That’s what I like to hear,” Johnny grinned and moved to get his stuff ready. “Need me to hold your hand?” Yangyang grinned when you took his place on the bench. “I wouldn’t want to contaminate you with girl germs,” you teased, sticking your tongue out at him. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind some girl germs if they’re coming from such a pretty girl,” Johnny cut in when he rolled back over on his stool, his glasses pushed back up his nose again. You couldn’t even fight the heat that crept onto your face at his words, he sure could feel it radiating off your cheeks from where his gloved hands were touching your skin. “I’ll do it where I placed the fake one, just with a smaller ring, alright?” He spoke softly when he disinfected your ear. You could just nod, anxiety taking over, making your heart race and skin prickle. When you heard the plastic bag that held the sterile needle rip, you pressed your eyes shut and balled your hands to fists. “Take a deep breath for me, doll,” Johnny mumbled, gently caressing your skin where he had grabbed your face to stabilize you. “In and out.” You shakily did as he asked you, his low voice comforting and calming your anxiety a lot. “Now you breathe in and let me count to three, then you gently release that breath. Can you do that for me, darling?” “Yeah,” you breathed, eyes still closed so you missed the soft smile on Johnny’s face. “Alright, deep breath in. One, two, three,” the pain of the needle piercing through your skin made you clench your fists harder, “And breathe out.” You tried your best to release the breath evenly until the pressure of the needle was just a low thudding. “You’re doing great, darling,” the handsome piercer reassured you, “I’ll just push the ring through and we’re all done here. Take another breath for me.” This time the feeling wasn’t as painful, just a really uncomfortable feeling of pressure. “All done, pretty,” Johnny concluded, clicking the ring closed. “Open your eyes.”

When you did open your eyes again, he held the little hand mirror from before in his still gloved hands so you could see the little ring that sat against your ear now. The skin was a bright red and you could feel your pulse throb around the metal but it actually fit the shape of your ear really nicely. “Thank you,” you smiled at Johnny. “It’s been a pleasure,” he winked before gathering the used needle and tissues to throw them away. “Take good care of it and try to not sleep on that side for a couple of nights and it will be healed in no time.” “Let’s go home, big baby,” Yangyang chirped in, already on his feet to leave the room. “I’m starving.” “There’s a good ramen shop a little up the street, not too expensive either,” Johnny recommended.

“Thanks for the piercings, man,” your best friend thanked the artist when he took you back to the main room. “No big deal,” Johnny shrugged and sat down where Taeyong had sat before, putting his long legs up on the counter. “Well, have a nice day, maybe we’ll come back for more some time,” Yangyang grinned, opening the door to leave the shop. “Oh I’m sure you will,” the artist replied, locking eyes with you before winking. “Take good care of that piercing, doll. You know where you have to come to if you want more.” You nodded shyly before bowing to the man. “Thank you, Johnny.” “I’ll see you again,” it wasn’t a question. Somehow you and him both knew that this wouldn’t be the last time you would step into the shady tattoo shop.

The next time that you found yourself in the shady streets of Itaewon came faster than you had thought. This time you were accompanying Jaemin to his tattoo appointment after Jeno had ditched him because he had to take over a shift at the cat café he worked at. (That poor boy had to take antihistamines before every shift because of his allergies but couldn’t resist the charm of the kittens.)   “You’re a lifesaver seriously,” the hyper boy repeated while jumping up and down excitedly, “Sitting still for hours on end is really so boring if you have no one to talk to.” “Can’t you talk to your artist?” You asked confused. “He threatened to stab me with the tattoo gun the last time when I was trying to talk to him while he worked,” Jaemin pouted. You could only imagine how irritating Jaemin and his moods could be to someone who wasn’t used to him. Ever since he had decided that he wanted to commit to what he had dubbed a soft punk look, he had been going to the shop somewhat regularly to start a collection of tattoos and piercings. It had started a year ago when he first had dyed his hair to a light blue color. Shortly after that he had first gotten his ears and then his nose pierced. The two lip rings in his lower lip were his newest addition as far as piercings went. The tattoos came a little later. After much consideration he had made the decision to start a floral piece on his arm, the center would be a hummingbird, all with black ink for now.

After a little bit of Instagram stalking you had easily identified the intricate flowers that adored Jaemin’s upper arm as Johnny’s work and the thought of seeing the handsome tattoo artist again had made your heart beat faster in your chest. Not that Jaemin needed to know that you weren’t coming with him for his sake but rather because of your desire to see the dark haired flirty man again.   You had been thinking about his dark eyes behind his silver framed glasses and how he scrunched his eyebrows when he was concentrating a lot for the last weeks. (Not that you had replayed the video of him piercing Yangyang an unhealthy amount of times or anything…) Every time you took care of your new piercing it reminded you of how his fingers felt on your skin and how his deep voice had gently guided you through everything. Not to forget how easily the pet names had rolled from his lips. And oh god his lips… His Instagram account featured a good amount of pictures of himself both casual and while working and the way his plush lips would curl into a confident smirk did things to your heart. His latest update had been the actual death of yours though. It had shown the new tattoo he had gotten recently: It was an intricate eagle that spread over his muscled chest, the feathers of the wings blending seamlessly into the other art covering his strong shoulders and biceps. Did you already mention that he was freaking shirtless in the picture? And that he was hiding a seriously ripped body beneath the wide T-Shirt he wore the last time you were at the shop? So to say that your thoughts had started to spiral after seeing that post was a little understated.

You still felt a little uneasy when you followed Jaemin through the backstreets of Itaewon but when the shabby door with the neon green ‘open’ sign came in sight, you felt the feeling disappear, only for it to be replaced with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Jaemin grinned widely when he pushed the door open and his good mood was always infectious, a smile creeping on your lips. This time a new man sat at the counter, lazily rocking back and forth on the chair with his phone in his hand. His hair was dark and hung into his eyes and he wore a dark, long sleeved hoodie, so you couldn’t see if he had as many tattoos as his colleagues but if the tattoos on his hands and neck were any indication, he must be pretty covered as well. You recognized the rose on the back of his hand from one of Johnny’s Instagram posts. When the man looked up, you saw that he didn’t only have tattoos but piercings as well: In his lower lip sat two rings right next to each other, a ring dangled from his nose and two little silver balls sat in the hollows of his dimples that showed when he smiled at Jaemin. “Back for more?” He asked with a deep, rumbling voice and got up to greet Jaemin properly, bumping their shoulders together. “Got an appointment with Johnny for my sleeve,” the blue haired boy replied. “I see the snake bites healed well.” “Done by the best piercer of the shop.” “You know it,” the man laughed, throwing an arm around Jaemin. “Brought your girlfriend?” “I’m just a friend,” you quickly corrected the piercer. (Why couldn’t you just platonically join a friend for his tattoo session?) “Alright, just a friend, I’m Jaehyun. Johnny should be ready by now. You know the way?” Jaemin nodded and pulled you with him to Johnny’s room.

When Jaemin pulled the curtain to the room open, you weren’t prepared for what you were seeing: Johnny was standing in front of the full length mirror with his black button up shirt unbuttoned, applying cream to his still tender looking eagle tattoo on his chest, making his beautiful sunkissed skin glisten. “You’re early, Jaem,” he spoke. “Jaehyun said you were already ready,” the blue haired boy shrugged and plopped down onto the black bench. “Oh you brought company,” Johnny turned around when he spotted you and grinned, “I knew you’d come back, doll. How’s your piercing healing?” You had to summon all your strength to rip your eyes from Johnny’s strong and glistening chest to meet his dark eyes. “It’s fine as far as I know, doesn’t hurt anymore,” you stumbled across your words. Couldn’t he just button his shirt back up? “Let me see.” Before you could protest he had made two big steps and was right in front of you, the intoxicating smell of his perfume filling your senses. He gently tucked your hair back to have a look at the piercing and you swore you could feel electricity buzz beneath your skin where he had touched you. “You took great care of it, darling. Not regretting it yet?” “No, I like it.” I like you. The words had laid on your tongue but you managed to swallow them back down.

“Stop flirting with her, I’m the one paying for your attention,” Jaemin whined from where he was sitting. You of course immediately felt all your blood rush to your head but Johnny just chuckled. “I haven’t seen any cash yet, boy.” The tattoo artist gave you a last wink before turning towards his actual client, buttoning his shirt back up but leaving the last two buttons unbuttoned, letting the head of the eagle just barely poke out. Taking a deep breath you sat down in the worn leather chair while Jaemin handed Johnny a bunch of bills that the taller quickly counted. “Alright, I’m all yours for the next five hours or so,” he grinned, “You saw the drafts I sent you?” Jaemin nodded while he took off his jacket and rolled up the sleeve of his T-Shirt to expose the ink on his arm. It was already beautiful even though it wasn’t even halfway done. The hummingbird was still missing its shading and he hung in the air for now, the flowers and leaves stopping above its head. “Yeah, I’m still not sure about the color though. Can’t we just do more flowers instead?” “Sure but the inner arm and near the elbow is going to hurt like a bitch. So it’s either that or you let me color that hummingbird.” Jaemin groaned dramatically, turning his arm to look into the mirror. “He does look weird just half-finished like that.” “So color it is?” Johnny asked while rolling up the sleeves of his shirt a bit, exposing his own tattoos: A snake like dragon curled around his entire right arm, kept in all black ink. “I really liked that green-blue watercolor thing you sent,” Jaemin supplied when he turned to lie down. “Right, then I’ll do some flowers directly surrounding the bird and color that thing.” He snapped his black gloves on and turned to prepare his machine and the colors.

“Come closer with that stupid chair,” Jaemin whined, making grabby hands at you. After Johnny nodded, you pushed the chair closer with great effort. “Are you going to whine for the whole time?” You groaned but smiled fondly at your friend. “Most likely,” Johnny answered instead of Jaemin and rolled over on his little stool, his silver framed glasses back on his nose and a pen between his lips. “I’ll freehand a bunch of flowers first to make sure they fit around that little guy nicely.” “And I thought you liked putting others in pain,” Jaemin joked when Johnny adjusted a little lamp and began to draw flower after flower. It was really fascinating how quick his hand drew delicate petals and leaves, filling up the space around the hummingbird. “Oh if I put others in pain, they usually like it,” he grinned, his voice dropping an octave. You almost choked on plain air and had to try to mask it as coughing but if the way Johnny’s eyes twinkled was any indication, he had seen right through it and dared to be smug about it. “Wow my third appointment and we’re already talking about kinks?” “Sorry Jaem, not interested,” the artist laughed, “I’m more into cute girls.” He leaned back to examine his drawing, throwing you another quick wink. You barely held in a squeak. He really wasn’t even trying to be subtle about his flirting anymore. “Ready for the big gun?” “Oh dick jokes now, nice,” Jaemin chuckled while you were sure your head was about to explode from how much blood was collecting in there. You covered your hot cheeks with your hands in a hopeless attempt to cool them. “Oh look Johnny, she’s getting shy already.” “I haven’t even started yet, baby.” That was it. This man was going to be the death of you. You really didn’t need to know what it sounded like when he spoke those words that were dripping with honey. “Why did I agree to come with you?” You groaned, hiding your face in your hands. “Because you missed me”, Johnny said at the same time as Jaemin said: “Because you’re a good friend.”

After a beat of silence in which Johnny arranged his actual tattoo gun and Jaemin stared at you while his smile grew bigger and bigger, he asked: “Now which one is it?” “I’m not answering that,” you mumbled from beneath your fingers. “No answer is an answer as well,” Jaemin singsang but luckily the low buzzing of the tattoo machine saved you from any further embarrassment… For now…   “Now hold still or I’ll actually stab you,” Johnny warned before he dipped the needle into black ink and began to trace the lines he had just drawn on with a fine needle. “Yessir,” Jaemin joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Johnny was unusually quiet while he worked, completely tuning out the chatter of you and Jaemin about shitty professors and assignments. You were absolutely fascinated by the confidence he radiated while dragging the needle over his client’s skin. He went back and forth between two different tattoo guns and rubbed Jaemin’s skin every now and then to get rid of excess ink. Soon Jaemin’s whole upper arm was decorated with delicate flowers and leaves and Johnny leaned back to both take a deep breath while stretching his back and to look at his work. “Let’s take a break before I do the color,” he proposed, wiping down the skin. “It looks great,” you complimented his work, taking a picture for Jaemin so he could see it himself. “Damn that pain really pays off,” your friend grinned, zooming in and out of the picture before posting it to his Instagram. “Does it hurt badly?” “You get used to it,” he shrugged, not taking his eyes from his feed, “It’s more like someone continuously scratching you.” “I can show you if you want,” Johnny chimed in from where he was cleaning his tattoo gun from the black ink. “I don’t think I’m spontaneous enough for a sudden tattoo.” “Not even if I offer it for free again?” He laughed. “I’m not mentally prepared for that,” you tried to reason. “I can still show you how it feels though. Without ink.” You shyly nodded and held out your arm for him that he quickly wiped down with disinfectant when he was done putting a fresh needle into the gun. “Just don’t flinch, darling,” he softly spoke before the buzzing of his tattoo gun filled the silence. You expected it to hurt a lot more when the needle touched your skin but it really wasn’t that bad. It was an odd kind of pain you couldn’t really describe. “It’s not that bad,” you told him, looking into his beautiful brown eyes behind his glasses. “It hurts more when it’s directly on the bone or at a more tender area,” Johnny explained and turned the gun off again, bending down to look at the slightly reddened skin of your arm before chucking the used needle into the nearby trashcan. “Let’s patch that up real quick, just treat it like any other scratch.” You nodded and let the handsome man put a band-aid over it. But before you could pull your arm back again, he leaned down to press a kiss on the cloth “For a good and quick healing,” he breathed and grinned smugly when you quickly turned your head away to hide your heated face.

“When you’re done flirting, will you finally put some color into me?” Jaemin interrupted, grinning widely. “That’s what she said,” you mumbled under your breath, making Johnny chuckle. “All you need to do is ask, darling.” Before you could even wrap your mind around what the tattoo artist had just implied, he had already rolled back over to your blue haired friend to take a look at the hummingbird. “Alright let’s do this,” he grinned before wiping down the skin once more. The buzzing of a new machine filled the room and Jaemin scrunched his eyes shut when the needle dipped in turquoise ink met his skin. “This is nasty,” he complained. “Don’t be a baby,” Johnny murmured, dragging the needle over your friend’s skin that accepted the ink quickly. “You want to hold my hand?” You giggled. What you didn’t expect was for Jaemin to actually reach out to you with his unoccupied arm, making a grabby hand. “Jeno always holds my hand,” he whined. “You’re such a big baby, Nana,” you sighed but still laced your fingers together, yelping loudly when Jaemin squeezed down hard. “You said it didn’t even hurt, you big liar,” you squeezed out between gritted teeth. “You’re not the one getting stabbed,” Jaemin argued, “That shit hurts different than the black.” “It’s a different needle,” Johnny explained, “People usually say it hurts less than outlines though.” “It’s not more or less, it’s just different.” “Well it’s going to hurt more if you keep seizing up like that, relax.” “You’re one to fucking talk,” Jaemin sounded upset. “Don’t curse at me for giving you a pretty tattoo,” Johnny just said, dipping his needle into the little pot that held the color again. “Talk him through it,” the artist said to you, looking up from behind his glasses that had slipped down his nose again.

“Hey, remember that time when Donghyuck was so drunk he wanted to jump from the roof into the pool at that frat house?” You quickly said, the silly story coming to mind first. The memory made Jaemin giggle. “Jeno and Mark had so much trouble holding him back once he managed to climb out of the window,” the blue haired boy chuckled. “They were lucky they didn’t fall off.” “That would have made for an even better story though,” Jaemin laughed. “They could have hurt themselves,” you said, scandalized, “You’re hanging out with Renjun too much.” Jaemin didn’t answer, instead he just hummed and wiggled his dark eyebrows.

“Did you ever go to college?” You asked Johnny out of curiosity even though Jaemin had said that the artist preferred to keep quiet and concentrate on his work. “Do I look like I went?” He just laughed, cocking one of his stupidly perfect eyebrows at you when he looked up. “Well, I didn’t want to assume,” you shied away under his gaze. “I dropped out of high school to learn tattooing,” Johnny shared while painting Jaemin’s skin as blue as his hair, “I wasn’t good in school anyways. So art school or something wasn’t an option either. Not that I would have had any money for that.” “What made you want to pick up tattooing then?” You asked curiously. “Art usually is very temporarily and if you make a mistake, you can just erase it or paint over it with another color. Not so much with tattoos. I like that. It’s immortal as long as you don’t start shooting lasers at it.” “I’ve never thought about it like that,” you confessed. Tattooing had never seemed like art to you but that was exactly what it was. Just not on a canvas but under your skin. “Thinking about getting one now?” Jaemin teased, squeezing your hand that he still held. “I haven’t even told my parents about the piercing,” you scoffed, “They would disown me.” “Well too bad, I know a pretty good tattoo artist,” he joked and poked his tongue out. “Do you now?” Johnny asked, a grin on his lips, wiping down Jaemin’s arm before going in with a lighter color. “Yeah, he works in this shady ass shop in Itaewon and I am pretty sure you can buy drugs there as well.” “Those are not for sale,” the artist chuckled when he saw your scandalized expression. “It’s just anesthetics for certain piercing procedures, calm down doll.” “So sadly, it turns out you can’t buy drugs at their shop but it still looks shady and I’m pretty sure they’re paying part of the mafia so the police won’t come to investigate.” “I know nothing of transactions of this sort,” Johnny commented before you could get an actual heart attack. Illegally tattooing and piercing was one thing but mingling with the mafia was a whole other thing. “Anyways, he does pretty cool tattoos and pierces as well,” Jaemin continued, a grin on his lips, “Also talking male to male here, he’s pretty ripped.” At that Johnny started grinning as well. “Wanna know his name?” Jaemin asked you when Johnny turned to clean his needle and you just rolled your eyes but nodded, wondering what he was getting out of all of this. “It’s Jaehyun.” “Excuse me?” Johnny exclaimed with wide eyes when both you and your blue haired friend started laughed at his stupid joke. “This kid,” he mumbled and shook his head before putting the needle back to Jaemin’s skin who seemed to have forgotten to whine about the pain.

The rest of the appointment was spend with you and Jaemin chatting about this and that and a short video call from a red eyed Jeno who had finished his shift at the cat café and wanted to apologize and promised to buy you two dinner after you were done. “I think that’s all I can do for today,” Johnny said after he had stared at the little hummingbird for a while, “Your skin took the color well but if I do any more, I’ll stress the skin too much. I can go in another time if I need to fix anything.” Jaemin nodded, sitting up so he could inspect the colorful hummingbird in the mirror. “Wow that looks sick,” he commented, his eyes going wide, “Totally worth the pain.” “That’s what I wanna hear,” the artist grinned, grabbing some paper towels to rub the tattoo down once more. “Let me snap a picture to post.”

After both men had taken about 20 photos each, Johnny quickly wrapped Jaemin’s arm in plastic wrap, reminding him how to take care of it. “Text me for the next session, I think we could fit some pretty roses at the bottom. Maybe add a dash of color here and there or other animals,” the artist smiled, slipping the glasses off his nose, gently placing them on the table. “I’ll think about it but first I gotta slave away behind the bar to make more money,” Jaemin sighed, shrugging his jacket back on. “And you darling?” Johnny asked, putting on his confident smile again. “When will I see you again?” You just stared at him, at a loss for an answer. Did he really want to see you again? But before you could even open your mouth, Jaemin had already pulled your phone from your grasp, unlocked it and shoved it towards Johnny. “Put your number in already,” he sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. Laughing, Johnny did as your friend had said. “Very smooth, Jaem.” “I- I guess I’ll text you,” you stuttered when Johnny gave your phone back, your fingers tingling where his touched yours. “I’ll be waiting, darling,” he winked, raking a hand through his inky strands. “Alright, time to leave, before you start drooling,” Jaemin destroyed the intense atmosphere and grabbed your arm to pull you back to the main room and out of the parlor, leaving a laughing Johnny behind in his room.

“I wasn’t even drooling, what the fuck Jaemin,” you argued when you were outside, your phone clutched to your chest. “Stop complaining, I got you his number, you should be thankful,” he just grinned, absolutely shameless, tugging you along through the little street. “I will not thank you for embarrassing me in front of him,” you pouted, unlocking your phone to confirm that Johnny had indeed put his number into the contacts with a little black heart behind his name.

“Is it too early to text him?” You asked when you and Jaemin sat in the subway on the way to his and Jeno’s dorm to take him up on his offer for food. Your friend just laughed at you, making an elderly man scowl at the two of you, who shook his head in disapproval. Well, Jaemin’s visuals didn’t help him when he acted like this in public. But as long as he didn’t care, you wouldn’t care either. “Text him after we’ve eaten,” he advised you. “Then you don’t seem as desperate as you are,” he added, which earned him a punch to his not tattooed arm.

All through dinner, Jaemin retold every embarrassing moment that happened at the tattoo parlor, making Jeno laugh so hard that he almost choked on his rice. You really needed to find new friends. These ones were just harassing you at this point. (Aside from the fact that Jaemin had indeed managed to get you Johnny’s number, you’d thank him later when he couldn’t make fun at you.)

Later that night, you laid in bed in your own dorm room, staring at the screen of your phone. Your fingers were hovering over the keyboard but you really couldn’t think of what you should text Johnny. You didn’t want to seem weird. With how confident he was, he probably did this a lot and you were too proud to make a fool of yourself. Groaning you tossed and turned in your bed for a while, still staring at the empty chat box that by now must be mocking you for your cowardice. Sighing you typed out another short message to immediately delete it again. Should you just send him a simple ‘Hi’ or ask him if he had eaten? How the rest of his day went? In moments like this you whished you were more confident in yourself.

The sound of an incoming message suddenly filled the room and made you jerk. When you saw Johnny’s name on the screen, your heart first stopped for a second before it started beating about three times as fast as it should. How did that happen? With shaking hands you unlocked the phone to see that you in fact didn’t delete the last message but accidentally send it. Luckily it wasn’t as embarrassing as it could have been and Johnny had just answered that he was glad that you had finally texted him. Before you could think of an answer he sent another text asking you why you were still awake this late when he expected you to be a ‘good girl’. You could practically hear his smirk and you couldn’t fight the heat that rose to your cheeks. You replied that you were already in bed and were about to sleep if he was concerned about your sleep pattern that honestly wasn’t the greatest ever since the semester had started. ‘Oh, sexting already’ he replied, making you shriek in embarrassment. Was this what your message had looked like? ‘You alone?’ He asked and with a furiously beating heart you answered with a simple yes.

A couple of seconds went by with no answer from him which definitely didn’t lower your anxiety before the loud sound of your ringtone tore through the silence, Johnny’s name on the display. You quickly answered it to not wake up anyone on your floor, pressing it tightly to your ear. “Hello?” “Good evening, miss,” you heard the rumble of Johnny’s voice, “Missed me already?” “You’re the one who called,” you argued, making the man on the other end of the line giggle. “That is true.” “Why did you call?” You asked curiously, shifting to lie down on your back, staring at the ceiling. “Just wanted some company. My last client just left and I’m cleaning up the shop for today, the others already left,” he explained. “Jaehyun and Taeyong?” “Yeah those two guys,” he sighed and you heard him rummaging in the background. “Is it just you three at the shop?” “Yeah, it was just me and Taeyong at first but Jaehyun is an incredibly quick learner once he had found someone who was willing to teach him a thing or two. So he quickly joined the two of us.” You just hummed, your fingers playing with your hair, unsure of what to say. It was somehow easier to talk to him like this when you couldn’t see his eyes twinkle in mischief or his lips curling up in that confident smirk. Like this he was just a boy who wanted company and not an insanely handsome, heavily tattooed man who flirted shamelessly. “Do you usually work this late?” You asked to fill the silence and out of curiosity as well. If the shop wasn’t legal there sure weren’t any laws regulating how long the artists were supposed to work. “I don’t,” Johnny laughed, “But thank you for your concern. I was just tattooing a friend for free after my last paying client left because he was in the area.” “You do that a lot? Offering up your services for free?” “Just for friends and special people, doll,” he chuckled, “Why? Are you considering getting inked after all?”

Well were you? You didn’t even know at this point. Whenever you had thought of tattoos you had only ever thought about big bold and very black lines, of skulls, names of exes on your skin forever and warped pictures of people’s faces. But never of delicate flowers, bright colors and intricate designs. Johnny had made it obvious that it was art that he was doing and that it wasn’t just some technical procedure to get color beneath your skin. “I- I don’t know,” you confessed, “I never thought much about tattoos until Jaemin started getting them.” “I thought so,” the artist chuckled, “But I bet I could design a pretty piece that would compliment you nicely.” “I don’t think I’m the type for it though,” you argued, thinking about the amount of ink on Johnny’s body and you hadn’t even seen half of it. (Not that you planned on doing so but you were curious to know if there was more hiding beneath his clothes.) “It doesn’t have to be an obvious one. Just something only you know about.” That really got you thinking. His tattoos were really delicate and you had seen that he could write in really pretty cursive. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything, darling. But if you ever want one, you know who to ask.”

“Yeah, thank you Johnny,” you murmured, lost in thought about how you would look like with multiple tattoos. “I like the way you say my name.” “You- what?” You stuttered when he caught you off guard like that, making him laugh. “You’re cute,” he said once he had calmed down. “Stop pouting,” he added when you weren’t answering. “How did you know I was?” Johnny chuckled again. “I just knew.” “Thank you for keeping me company,” he said when you hadn’t said anything in a while. “It’s alright. I like talking to you,” you confessed. You could hear a door closing and his deep chuckle on the other end of the line. “You probably hear that a lot…” you murmured, embarrassed at how the words had slipped past your lips. “I actually don’t,” Johnny said, “I appreciate the words, darling. I’m all done cleaning up now, thank you for keeping me company.” “It’s fine, no need to thank me.” “You should go sleep now, it’s already late. Sweet dreams, doll. Maybe I’ll even visit you.” “Goodnight, Johnny,” you squeaked. The last thing you heard before he ended the call was another chuckle and a hushed goodbye. Smiling widely you turned your face into your pillow to muffle the scream you let out. How could this man make your heart beat faster like that with just a few simple words? And why did this short phone call make you so happy? Sighing, you put your phone to your nightstand and cuddled tightly into your blanket, the thought of Johnny’s smooth voice guiding you to sleep where he indeed did visit you.

After that initial phone call, Johnny called you more and more often. Sometimes when he was on his lunch break and his colleagues were still working, sometimes later at night when your head was spinning from studying and he was cleaning up the shop. You two talked about your days, you complained about professors, deadlines and assignments and he told you about tattooing and his sometimes crazy clients. And every now and then Johnny would bring up his offer to tattoo you. Which made your thoughts spiral every single time. In class you would scroll through Johnny’s Instagram account, imagining what some of the intricate, more feminine designs would look like on your skin. After much consideration you definitely ruled out anything big or colorful. But something small wouldn’t hurt, right? Well it would, you would be giving him permission to stab you with an automated needle a bunch of times which in itself sounded really scary. But Jaemin’s tattoo looked nice. And after his skin had peeled, the hummingbird truly looked absolutely incredible and you couldn’t wait for him to visit the shop again to keep working on the sleeve.

So in a whim of bravery and with the help of the little glass of wine you had drank you told Johnny that he should tattoo you. “Are you for real?” He asked. “I am,” you giggled, “I’ve thought about it a lot the past weeks.” “I am honored, darling. What will it be?” “Something small and no colors please,” you told him. “That’s all you’re asking for?” “Yeah, I… I like the simple black stuff you do,” you stuttered, suddenly really nervous and unsure if this was actually a good idea. “I’ll design something that’ll match you perfectly,” Johnny promised, sounding very eager. You could hear some rummaging on his end of the line. “I could fit you in Friday evening after my last client. It won’t be too late and I need some time to come up with a design that’s worthy of being in your body.” You swallowed dryly. If you said yes, you couldn’t back out anymore. You would be getting inked. Secretly. Without telling anyone. Not to mention illegally. In a reasonably shady shop that was owned by the most gorgeous man you had ever met. Taking a deep breath, you nodded before you realized that he couldn’t see that. “I’ll be there,” you promised. “I’m looking forward to it, doll,” Johnny said before he wished you sweet dreams just like every time when he called you late at night.

The neon light in front of the door to the shop was already shut off when you arrived the next Friday late in the evening but the door gave away when you pushed it open with trembling hands after taking a deep breath. “I thought you weren’t going to come, darling, you left me waiting,” Johnny greeted you, jumping down from the counter he had sat on. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt with a little white rose design over his heart that fit him perfectly. His hair was elegantly swept back, exposing the freshly shaved part on the side. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, fumbling with the sleeves of your hoodie. “Don’t be nervous, I’ll take good care of you,” he promised, quickly locking the front door before taking you to his room where he motioned for you to sit on the bench. “Do you trust me?” He asked, tipping your head up so you would look into his dark eyes. “I- I think I do,” you stuttered. “I won’t tell you what you’re getting,” Johnny grinned and your eyes widened in shock. “You will like it and it’s not that big.” “I’m not sure, Johnny,” you voiced your concerns but he just pressed his index finger to your lips before you could say any more. Your breath hitched and he could definitely feel your shaky exhale against his finger. “You said you trust me, doll.” Taking another shaky breath, you nodded and a smile spread over his plush lips. “I need you to take off your shirt and lie down on your left side,” he spoke, his voice casual but you could feel something shift in the air between you. At a loss for words you just nodded again and did as Johnny asked when he turned around to gather his stuff.

“Take a couple of deep breaths for me, darling,” he instructed you when he rolled over on his little stool, his glasses sitting low on his nose and his hands already gloved. “It’s going on your ribs,” he told you so you wouldn’t flinch when he quickly dragged a razor over the area before disinfecting it. “I’ll draw a quick sketch first. I don’t want to mess it up when it’s going on your beautiful skin.”  You felt the tip of his pen meet your skin in a gentle stroke, tickling your skin so you had to giggle. “Don’t make me mess this up, baby,” Johnny scolded, playfully slapping your back. “It tickles,” you pouted. “I’m trying to be gentle with you,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice. While he was sketching, you closed your eyes, trying to figure out what he was drawing. But all you could figure out was that it was something rather small which calmed your nerves a bit.

“All done,” the tattoo artist announced after a while and quickly pulled his little side table with his tattoo gun and ink closer. When the low buzzing noise filled the air, you pressed your eyes shut even tighter, balling your hands into fists. Technically you knew it wouldn’t hurt badly, Johnny had shown you before. But you were still getting stabbed a bunch of times and fuck, you were really doing this. Letting this man put something on your body that was going to be there forever and you didn’t even know what it was going to be. “Relax, darling. I’ll be as gentle as I can be,” he promised, running a hand up and down your back. “It’s going to be on me forever,” you said. “It is. Your own personal piece of art on your body. Just for you to have.” That was a beautiful way to see it, you thought. It’s not just some pigment stabbed into your skin but art. Something unique no one else had. And Johnny would be painting it on just you for you and you alone. “Okay, let’s do this,” you breathed. “That’s my good girl,” Johnny praised and the words made your stomach twist with a feeling you didn’t want to further explore.

The pain was bearable. It was weird at first and the ribs sure hurt more than it had on your arm and the bones somehow seemed to amplify the buzzing, making it travel through your body. You had to grit your teeth when Johnny went over what seemed to be the middle part of the tattoo, where he grazed the skin in quick successions. “That hurts.” “I know, baby. But you’re almost done. You’re doing so well for me,” he soothed and gave you a small break to breathe before he went back in.

“All done, darling,” Johnny announced a little later, turning off his machine and rubbing the tattoo down with a wet paper towel. “Can I see it now?” You asked. “In a bit, keep your eyes closed,” he spoke softly and took your hands in his now ungloved ones to first guide you into a sitting position and then off the bench and over to what you assumed to be the mirror. He turned you so your side was facing the glass and put one of his big hands on your waist. It felt hot on your exposed skin and made goosebumps break out on your skin. “Open your eyes, doll.” You did and looked directly into his dark chocolate brown eyes behind his glasses. “I’m too scared to look now, is that silly?” You asked, losing yourself in his eyes and leaning towards his body that just seemed to radiate heat. “It’s beautiful, just like you,” he assured you, squeezing your waist reassuringly. After taking a deep breath, you tore your gaze away from him and turned to look at yourself in the mirror where a delicate, black chrysanthemum was awaiting you on the skin over your ribs. It indeed looked beautiful, absolutely stunning. It was small but looked so delicate and realistic and fit well with the curves of your body. “It’s stunning,” you whispered.

“Thank you, Johnny.” “No need to thank me, darling,” he chuckled and when your eyes met again, his were dark and almost hungry. “But I think I should reward you for being so good while I tattooed you.” Before you could ask what kind of reward he was talking about, he had already connected your lips in a passionate kiss and pulled your body flush against his. You couldn’t help but sigh now that you finally knew what the metal of his lip piercing felt like against your lips. Johnny was a good kisser and you were boneless in his strong grip not long after he had slipped his tongue past your lips after you had moaned into the kiss when he had started to push you backwards to the bench again, hoisting you back up. “Let me make up for the pain I’ve caused you,” he breathed against your swollen lips when you broke apart to breathe.   “Just keep kissing me like that,” you demanded, burying your hands in his soft black locks to kiss him again. He chuckled and let you dominate the kiss for a while, toying with the black ring in his lip and exploring his mouth. Meanwhile Johnny’s hands started to wander from their place on your waist down to grope at your ass, pulling you forward against him, so you could feel his growing erection between your legs which made a spark of arousal shoot through you.

“Let me make you feel good, baby,” he breathed heavily while kissing down your neck, gently taking the skin between his teeth. “Please Johnny,” you begged, feeling the arousal simmer low in your stomach. Grinning he pulled back and raked his dark eyes over your figure before making quick work of your belt and sliding your jeans along with your panties from your legs, only shortly struggling with your shoes. “It’s not Johnny now, baby,” he rasped when he kneeled down in front of you, pulling you towards him roughly, so your glistening core was exposed to him. “It’s Daddy,” he added before licking a broad stripe through your folds and flicking his tongue at your clit. You could just mewl and throw your head back in pleasure. You didn’t know that this would be such a turn on for you. “Say it, baby,” Johnny demanded, lazily dragging his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Please Daddy,” you whimpered and you could feel his low groan vibrating against your core. He wasted no time to attach his plush lips to your clit, gently sucking and grazing his teeth over the little nub, making you mewl and shiver in pleasure. He definitely knew what he was doing, altering between stimulating your clit to the point where it almost became too much before he focused on dragging his tongue through your folds, gently prodding against your entrance before it gave away. When Johnny moaned you could feel it travel straight through you, making your head swim with pleasure. Looking down to the man kneeling in front of you, you were met with his dark eyes, staring straight up into yours. Moaning, you threaded your fingers into his soft hair and pressed his face closer to your core, not even taking the chance that he could move back. “Feels so good, Daddy,” you moaned when he spread your labia with his fingers so his tongue could dive deeper into you, stimulating your velvety walls. When he hummed it send sweet vibrations through your core and you could feel your orgasm approach almost embarrassingly fast. “Mmmh, so close Daddy.” “You wanna cum, baby?” He rasped, his hot breath fanning over your clit that he was lazily rubbing with two fingers. You bit your lip and met his dark eyes, nodding furiously. “Then beg for it, doll. I could stay here for hours,” Johnny spoke before he turned his head to mouth at your thigh, gently biting and sucking at the sensitive skin until it bruised under his ministrations. “I would just keep you right on the edge for hours until you’re a shaking mess for me, begging for release.” His lips split into a wicked grin when he saw how his dirty words affected you and he slowed his fingers on your clit until it was just enough to keep you stimulated but not enough to make the knot in your stomach snap. “Please Daddy,” you whimpered. “Please what baby?” He rested his head on your thigh, looking up at you from innocent eyes as if he wasn’t driving you insane with just his fingers. “What is it beautiful?” He repeated the question, replacing his fingers with his tongue. “You wanna cum?” “Yes please,” you whined, grinding your hips against his tongue to get more friction. “Well if you ask so nicely…” Johnny immediately slipped two fingers inside you with almost no resistance from how ridiculously wet you were and began pumping them in and out of your core fast, crooking them to search for your sweet spot. “Come on baby,” he growled, locking eyes with you again when he closed his lips around your clit. Almost screaming his name, you came hard when his fingers finally found your sweet spot, rubbing at it mercilessly to help you ride out your orgasm. Your thighs were shaking and you fell back onto the bench, the leather sticking to your back where you just laid for a while, your head spinning, breathing heavily.

“You look gorgeous like that,” Johnny complimented you, when he got back up from the floor, raking his clean hand through the mess that was his hair before he shamelessly took his fingers that were covered in your essence into his mouth, sucking them clean. Through half lidded eyes you could see the way he was still straining against the fabric of his jeans and the sight made your mouth water. “You’re still hard,” you said breathless.   “I am,” he said matter of factly. You wordlessly let your thighs fall open for him, exposing your core to him. “Oh baby,” Johnny cursed, pressing the heel of his palm against his bulge, “As much as I want to fuck you right now, you still have a fresh tattoo, doll.” “Please, Johnny, I want it,” you begged. “Shh, baby,” he soothed you rubbing a hand over your thigh, “Let me dress that tattoo and then I’ll take you upstairs to fuck you on an actual bed like you deserve.” You nodded, amazed by his amount of self-control.

Johnny worked quickly and efficiently: Cleaning your tattoo one last time before putting some ointment on it to keep it moisturized. At last he gently taped down a small sheet of plastic foil to keep it safe. “All done, beautiful,” he spoke before pecking your lips, “You still want to come upstairs with me?” “Yes Daddy,” you answered and you swore you could see his eyes darken just from the word alone. “Hold on tightly,” he ordered before scooping you up into his arms, holding you up by your thighs. Squealing you quickly wrapped your arms and legs around him, holding on tightly. “I’ll get your clothes before we open up tomorrow,” he mumbled when he carried you through the back door of the shop that lead to a dusty staircase. You pressed your body closer to his, nuzzling your face into his neck where the smell of his cologne was the strongest, to have some of his warmth seep into your skin when you started to shiver from the cold air. Lazily you let your lips travel over his skin, sucking a mark next to a splash of ink.

Johnny quickly grabbed the keys to his apartment’s door from atop of the doorframe (not really safe) and unlocked his door while holding you up with just one of his arms, the display of strength making your head spin. With quick steps he crossed the way to his bed and gently laid you down on the soft sheets, immediately crawling on top of you, crowding you against the mattress. “I knew you would look good in my bed,” he rasped, kissing your neck while his hands made quick work of the bra that you were still wearing for some reason. “You’re gorgeous, doll,” he breathed after he had sat up on his knees, looking down at you with dark eyes, his big hands roaming your body. Feeling shy under all the attention and compliments he was giving you, you tried to hide your face behind your fingers but he wasn’t having any of it, quickly grabbing your wrists in one hand to pin them above your head. “Don’t hide from me baby. Daddy wants to see how much you’re enjoying yourself.” You could just nod, trying to force down the whimper that almost spilled past your lips, he hadn’t even done much yet and you were already feeling arousal pulse through your veins. “I couldn’t hear your answer,” Johnny teased, gently grabbing one of your boobs to massage the soft flesh. “Yes, Daddy.” “That’s my good girl,” he grinned, releasing your wrists to slip his T-Shirt over his head, revealing his strong chest where the eagle majestically spread its wings and the hard lines of his abs. “Like what you see?” He asked smugly, climbing off the bed to unbuckle his belt and slip his jeans off his narrow hips, revealing strong, muscled thighs. One of them was covered with the face of a growling panther while the other was decorated with a colorful koifish tattoo that disappeared beneath the fabric of his dark boxers that were doing very little to hide a prominent bulge. “Let me,” you breathed and crawled over to hook your thumbs into the waistband. But before you pulled them down, you pressed a couple of kisses to the cherry blossom branch tattoo that seemed to stretch from his back over his hipbone and further down, mingling with the koi tattoo further down. With every centimeter of skin you exposed, more ink from the blossoms became visible and you kissed every single one of the delicate flowers. When his length finally sprang free, you had to swallow dryly: His cock was huge and hung heavy between his legs. Licking your lips you looked up to him, to find him grinning down at you. “Go to town, baby.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice, you were itching to feel his heavy weight on your tongue. You pressed a sweet kiss to his tip before placing a hand at the base only to find him surprisingly soft as you experimentally pumped your hand once. “It takes a while for it to get fully hard,” he groaned when you moved your hand up and down his shaft a couple of times, feeling it pulse beneath your fingers. Damn if he wasn’t even fully hard, how big would he be if he was? Holding him at the base, you licked a broad stripe up the whole length before you swiped your tongue around the pink head, pulling another groan from Johnny’s lips. Taking a deep breath, you finally took him in your mouth and hollowed your cheeks, tasting his skin. The weight on your tongue felt just right and you couldn’t help but moan as you slowly started to take more and more of him until you felt him hit the back of your throat. Shit, you were barely able to fit half of his length in your mouth like this. “You’re so big,” you moaned when you pulled off of him with a wet pop, spreading your saliva down the shaft with both of your hands. Johnny just hummed and grabbed a handful of your hair to shove your mouth back onto his dick. He cursed when the velvety heat surrounded him again and gently began to thrust in and out your mouth. “Fuck you look so good with my cock in your mouth,” he breathed heavily. You could only moan where your lips were stretched around his length and hollow your cheeks when he pulled out, the grip he had on your hair keeping you in place while he snapped his hips. “Shit baby,” Johnny cursed when he pulled out, panting while he rested the head of his cock on your outstretched tongue. “I could cum like this.” You whined pathetically, looking up at him with pleading eyes. He chuckled and gently slapped his cock against your lips, smearing them with precum. “But you don’t want that, don’t you, baby? You want my cock inside you? Stretching you out?” “Yes Daddy, please. I need it so bad,” you blabbered, not even knowing where those words were coming from but you seemed to have said the right thing with how Johnny’s dick twitched in his hand.

“Then get on your hands and knees for me, baby. Ass up.” It was almost comically how fast you complied, baring yourself to him. “Such a good girl,” he praised, grabbing your asscheeks to knead and pull them apart. “Beautiful.” “Please Daddy,” you begged him, arching your back further. “Patience baby,” he chuckled. A frustrated groan got stuck in your throat and turned into a drawn out whine when he pushed two of his fingers inside you, pumping them quickly and curling them to find your sweet spot again. Soon two fingers became three and he had reduced you to a moaning mess with how he abused your sweet spot once he had found it again. “You think you’re ready for my cock, baby?” “Yes. Oh god, yes please,” you begged while shamelessly grinding back on his fingers that he had stilled inside of you. “Spread your cheeks for me,” he ordered while quickly grabbing a condom from his bedside table and rolling it onto his cock. Balancing your weight on your knees and shoulders, you reached around yourself to pull your asscheeks apart so Johnny could see your core clenching around nothing. “You’re such a good girl for me,” he rasped, running his palm along the curve of your body while lazily thrusting his cock through your folds, making it glisten with your essence. Finally you could feel him nudging at your entrance with the thick head of his cock. “You want it, baby?” “Yes please Daddy,” you gasped, trying hard to be good and not grind back against him. “You’re such a good girl for me,” he chuckled, “And good girls get what they want if they ask so politely.” With that he finally sank into you in one agonizingly slow thrust until you could feel his hip bones press against your skin. You had to screw your eyes shut and bite your lip to suppress a whimper. You had never felt so full before.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight,” Johnny groaned, grabbing you by the dip of your waist with his big hands, grinding you on his cock. “I’m so full, Daddy,” you gasped when he slowly pulled out until only the head of his cock was inside you before he languidly thrust back in. “Yeah? You like that? Being stuffed full of my cock?” You could only moan and nod where your head was pressed into the sheets. His cock was so big that it seemed to press against every good spot that was inside you, setting your nerve endings on fire, the pain from being stretched like that only adding to your pleasure. “You‘re sucking me right back in baby,” he cursed and gripped your waist harder, pulling you back on his cock as he picked up the pace, low groans falling from his lips. Your moans got progressively louder and louder the faster Johnny snapped his hips. “Hands behind your back, baby,” he ordered panting and immediately grabbed both your wrists in his hands to use them as leverage so he could fuck into you faster, the change of angle and pace making you moan his name. Your head was swimming with pleasure and you could only moan and mewl beneath him, imagining how he would bite his lip while watching his dick disappear inside you over and over again, stretching out the delicate skin of your sex. “God baby, your ass looks amazing,” Johnny groaned, praise after praise falling from his lips that reduced you to a moaning mess.

With one particularly hard thrust he buried himself to the hilt inside you and draped his body over yours, his hot breath fanning over your face when he spoke, a deep rumble in his chest while grinding his dick right against your sweet spot that had you seeing colors behind your closed eyes. “Wanna see you bounce on my dick, doll. Can you do that for me?” Taking a deep breath, you nodded. Your ability to form coherent sentences had left you as soon as he had begun to fuck you in earnest. “You’re such a good girl,” he purred and gently pulled out, making you whimper from the loss. You felt the bed dip next to you and when you opened your eyes, you were met with Johnny’s pleased smirk as he leaned against the headboard of the bed, his cock resting against his hip, too heavy to properly stand up and you couldn’t stop another whimper. “Come on baby, I know you want it,” he grinned, crooking a finger in a ‘come closer’ motion. Dragging your limbs from beneath you with great effort, you climbed onto his lap, immediately claiming his lips in a messy kiss. You buried your hands in his stupidly perfect hair to mess it up and tug at the inky strands, causing Johnny to moan into the kiss. “Hmm, my baby is feisty,” he chuckled when he broke the kiss, the pupils of his dark eyes blown so wide that they seemed almost black. “But you promised me to ride my dick,” he reminded you. “And I’m gonna,” you slurred, reaching between your bodies to grab his cock, giving it a couple of strokes. “But turn around for me baby. Wanna see how much my fat cock is going to stretch you out,” he rasped, playfully biting your lips. “But I want to see you too,” you complained. “Oh you can,” he grinned and pointed over your shoulder. You reluctantly turned around before you saw what he meant. Right across from the bed was a big mirror and you gasped because of how fucked out you already looked. A couple of tears had rolled down your cheeks and messed up your makeup and your lipstick was smeared around your lips.

You carefully grabbed Johnny’s cock again and held it steady so you could sink down on him, watching yourself in the mirror until you sat snug on his lap and had to close your eyes because the feeling was so overwhelming. He felt even bigger like that. “You okay, baby?” He asked, grabbing your hips tightly to help you swivel them on his cock, making it press into your walls just how you liked it. “How does your cock feel even bigger like this?” You gasped as you leaned forward and slowly started to ride him at first to get used to his size and figure out the best angle for you. Your legs shook with the effort to keep your rhythm but the look Johnny had on his face, his eyes glued to where you two were connected, made it worth it. Suddenly a wicked grin spread on his lips and he snapped his hips up when you lowered yourself again, tearing loud moans from both of you. “Fuck, do that again,” you demanded when you raised your hips again. “What’s the magic word?” Johnny teased, holding you up so you wouldn’t drop down again. “Please, Daddy.” Groaning he started to snap his hips up every time you ground down on him, making your skin slap together with an obscene noise.

God you wanted to die on his dick. “Do you now?” Johnny laughed. Shit did you say that out loud? “Want to feel how deep it goes inside you?” He rasped, wrapping his strong arms around your waist. You went lax in his hold and mewled helplessly. Who knew that a little display of strength and a big dick were such turn ons for you that your brain was reduced to mush. Grinning he carefully pulled you up and against his chest and draped your legs over his after he had planted his feet firmly onto the mattress. “Watch, baby,” he ordered as he lifted you off of him until only the tip was barely inside you anymore before letting you drop down again. You mewled and thrashed in his hold, the feeling just on the edge of too much. Feeling him deep inside you was one thing but actually seeing it was a whole other thing and it messed with your head. Curiously you pressed your hand down on your lower stomach when Johnny had started to piston his hips up into you instead of dropping you down onto his cock every time and you swore you could feel him move inside you. A drawn out curse left your lips and you threw your head back onto his shoulder.

With the way he was snapping his hips up you could feel your orgasm approach at lightning speed and you were so far gone that you shamelessly reached between your legs to stimulate your clit. “Fuck baby, you’re so hot like this,” Johnny groaned, grinding his dick inside you as you quickly rubbed your clit, toeing right on the edge. “Please Daddy,” you cried out, not sure what you were even begging for. “You gonna cum on my cock?” He rasped, snapping his hips harshly, “Wrapped around my big cock stretching you out like this?” You nodded your head furiously, your eyes screwed shut. You were so close that you could already feel your toes curling. “Show me baby. Show Daddy how good his cock makes you feel.” That’s what pushed you over the edge, the way he was panting in your ear, his voice strained from how he was drilling into you. The coil in your stomach snapped and you almost screamed his name, your body curling inwards and thighs shivering as your orgasm washed over you, making a bunch of colors explode behind your lids. In the back of your mind you registered Johnny’s curses and how he was grinding his cock inside you to help you ride out your orgasm. “Such a good girl,” he praised when your body went lax on top of him, your chest heaving with heavy breaths. You briefly wondered if you had ever cum this hard and you couldn’t think of any other time. “Thank you Daddy,” you panted, turning your face to press a messy kiss to his plush lips that were bitten raw. He chuckled lowly when you whimpered when his still hard cock shifted when you tried to turn around.

“Will you let me fuck you for a little longer, baby?” He asked, running a hand through your sweaty hair. Instead of answering him, you lifted yourself off his dick to turn around on his lap, capturing his lips again. “Want you to ruin me,” you whispered between kisses, “Want you to ruin me for any other men. Want to only remember how you feel inside of me.” Johnny growled deep in his chest before he pushed you down onto the bed, hungrily licking into your mouth. “You’re the one who is ruining me,” he panted, rising to his knees. He quickly grabbed your legs and threw them over his shoulders before he sank into you again with a low groan. This time he didn’t waste any time with building up the pace and immediately snapped his hips harshly, chasing his own orgasm. “You’re taking me so well, baby,” he panted, folding your thighs to your chest so he could push into you even deeper, making you see stars with how he was nailing your sweet spot with the new angle. And even though you had just cum, you felt another orgasm build inside your stomach. A row of curses left Johnny’s lips when he could watch his dick slide in and out of you again and he gripped your thighs so hard you were sure you’d have bruises there tomorrow. But that was something you’d worry about later, right now your world was only made up of the handsome man with his huge cock that was currently rearranging your guts with how vigorously he was snapping his hips, making your skin slap together with lewd sounds.

“I’m gonna cum baby,” Johnny grunted, his hips losing their rhythm. “On me,” you managed to choke out, still lost in your own pleasure. Another groan left his bitten lips before he quickly pulled out and ripped the condom off, jerking his cock with quick strokes, his eyes fixed to yours. All it took was a couple of jerks before he threw his head back and you could see his abdominal muscles contract before the first burst of white hot cum spurted from his dick and covered your chest and stomach. With parted lips he stroked himself through his orgasm, milking rope after rope from his cock until he hissed with overstimulation. “Fuck,” he cursed before giggling when he saw the mess he had made of you, his cum dripping from your boobs and running down your stomach. He cursed again before claiming your lips. “You want to cum one last time, baby?” “Please Daddy,” you whined, spreading your legs further for him. “My good girl,” he sighed, sinking two fingers into your heat, quickly crooking them to stimulate your sweet spot while his thumb was putting sweet pressure on your clit, making you thrash beneath him. “You look so good covered in my cum,” he rasped before he kissed you harshly to swallow your moans and cries of pleasure. You desperately held on to his shoulders, breaking the kiss when your head was spinning from the lack of oxygen. While speeding up his fingers, Johnny began sucking bruises low on your neck and over the soft skin of your cleavage. “Shit, I’m gonna-“ you didn’t get to finish your sentence because right that moment he had sucked one of your nipples into his mouth which was just enough to send you over the edge for a third time that night, your lips parted in a silent scream of his name and your thighs shaking and closing around the handsome man kneeling between them. “That’s my good girl,” he praised breathily and gently rocked his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm before he pulled them out, instead winding his strong arms around your body, holding you to his inked chest.

For a while he just held you close, not caring that his cum was now also stuck to his chest. “Fuck that was a lot,” you chuckled, burying your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his calming scent. “Not what you thought would happen when you get a free tattoo?” Johnny softly spoke, carding his hand through your messy hair. “Not at all.” Another question was burning inside your head but you were too scared to ask it. You didn’t want to push him and ruin the mood. “I should clean you up and see if that tattoo is still okay. Then we can cuddle, alright?” The tattoo artist said before he detangled your bodies from one another to get up from the bed. He looked around on the floor for a cloth and you could finally see where the cherry blossoms on his hip were coming from. A big samurai was stretched over half his back, surrounded by the pinkish blossoms. It seemed like it wasn’t a complete piece yet, the samurai staring at the still untouched skin of Johnny’s left shoulderblade. “Your back tattoo is really pretty,” you mumbled to fill the silence while Johnny was wiping his chest clean before he gently did the same to you, taking extra caution when looking at your still fresh tattoo. “Thank you,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead, the metal of his piercing feeling warm on your skin, “We should change that foil real quick.” You just nodded and let him do his work, exhaustion settling into your bones.

“Do you do this with all your clients?” Shit. You hadn’t meant to ask that, the question had just slipped your lips and you could feel Johnny freeze where he was dressing your tattoo again before he secured the last piece of tape. He sighed and slipped beneath the covers, pulling you against his chest, so you could listen to his heartbeat. “Not all of them,” he answered eventually, “I haven’t slept with a client in a while. It happens sometimes but usually I don’t think much about it.” “And now you do?” He just hummed nonchalantly, playing with your hair. “They usually don’t come back after I fuck them.” He paused, holding his breath. “Will you come back?” Your heart started to race and you could feel a bright smile spreading over your lips. “For more free tattoos and piercings?” “Oh, yeah, I guess,” he sounded so deflated, the confident tattoo artist suddenly gone. “You idiot,” you giggled, pillowing your head on his sternum so he could see the smile on your lips, “I like you Johnny. I’ll come back if you want me to.” Now he was also smiling, his features softening. “Don’t make jokes like that, my heart is fragile,” he joked, wrapping you up in his strong arms.  

“Which one was your first one?” You asked him when the silence between you stretched while you traced the scales of the dragon that wound around his arm. “My first tattoo?” Johnny shifted around for a while before he showed you his other arm that had all kinds of different designs on it, some in bright colors, some strictly black. “That little guy over here,” he said with a smile on his lips and pointed to a little sunflower at the bend of his elbow, “To remind me to always look at the sun, at the bright side of life.” “It’s cute,” you breathed, touching the yellow petals. “And then it went downhill from there,” he chuckled, “It’s addicting.” “Let’s hope I can stay abstinent.” “What a shame, I’d love to cover you in my art,” Johnny confessed, tilting your face up so he could claim your lips in a kiss. “Maybe one or two more,” you breathed in between kisses, making him chuckle against your lips.

[portypaper]

My 10 favorite things of 2022

10 - mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video

Sometime in 2018 I discovered the comedian/actor/writer Connor O'Malley's youtube channel filled with some of the best cringe comedy vidz I've ever seen. One of my favorites being "mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video" a pretty self explanatory video where O'Malley plays an angry McDonald's fan trying to fuck over Burger King and try to convince the customers to go to McDonalds. Around the time I discovered the video my friends had a little get together and I made sure to show everyone there the video, shit was just that good dude.

Unfortunately because there is this little scene where just a little bit of king of the hill porn is shown, I think it was hank hill wackin' his willy silly or some shit and because of that those FUCKERS at YouTube took it down, basically destroying the Mona Lisa of cringe videos. Now normally a video uploaded by a notable person getting deleted would be no big deal, it's like I was told as a kid "stuff on the internet lives forever" so I could probably just find a reupload of it on another site right? I ended up not being able to find any reuploads dailymotion, vimeo, or even porn sites.

Every few months something would come up that would remind me of this masterpiece and I'd start searching again, of course never finding anything except dead links, a single clip, and posts asking what happened to the video. That was until 4 months ago when I found this, some mad man actually had the full video and shared a full download. After 4 years I was finally able to watch one of my favorite cringe videos and brother it was even better than I remembered it being, if you're a fan of cringe stuff please do yourself a favor and watch it.

9 - Showa-Era Godzilla

As a teenager I started to notice a handful of people that I looked up to and thought were really cool mostly had a lot of the same interests, one of them being kaiju films. So sometime during Q1 of 2022 when I found out that almost every showa-era godzilla film was free to watch on YouTube I binged em with some of my friends.

Honestly the whole thing was a bit of a blur, like we were doing 2 or 3 a day for a week but I can say (with the exception of Son of Godzilla) they were all a really great time. If I had to choose a favorite I think Invasion of Astro-Monster takes it easy, small part because MF DOOM sampled it in the greatest opening track ever but, also because everything about the film is just so cheesy and charming, the costumes the sets just looking at it all makes me want to finally bite the bullet and make a cool low budget sci-fi movie.

I feel like I should explain the appeal of Godzilla since as an outsider I never really got it but I still feel new to being a fan and might not explain it the right way so I'll just say to check the films out yourself, aside from Invasion of Astro-Monster I also really fucked with Godzilla vs. Megalon and Terror Of Mechagodzilla. Godzilla vs. Megalon has Mr. Zilla himself teaming up with a neat lookin' robot Jet Jaguar and Terror Of Mechagodzilla has a great mixture of main character doing shit and big monsters fighting so nothing really feels like it drags on for too long.

8 - Norm Macdonald - Nothing Special

It's been too long since I watched it for me to really remember anything other than how much I enjoyed it so I'll just write down how I felt instead.

One thing I'm sure you've worried about is legacy, how you'll be remembered or if anyone will even care about your leaving. Something that really felt good about this comedy special was after the jokes were over we got a half an hour of Norm's comedy peers looking back at just what a funny and great person he was, a person who would hide his battle with cancer just so no one would worry. I don't really know what people think of me but I hope I end up being looked at the same way people look at Norm.

Oh also if you've never heard any of Norm Macdonald's comedy there are a whole lot of compilations of his stuff on YouTube, and also obviously this comedy special but I'm a bit unsure if this would be a good first watch since it's the last we'll ever get.

7 - King of Fighters XV

I've had a small problem with fighting games for the last 10 years, I love em but since I started getting into them there always felt like there was something off to where I couldn't fully click with one, like I could still enjoy the games I played like Street Fighter V or Tekken 7 but I just never felt like I got into a nice flow with them or if it was a game I clicked with it wouldn't last very long (R.I.P. MvCI)

Then late last year some friends were hyping up the next KoF game to me, I'd been burned in the past by taking one of their recommendations before so I wasn't super interested at the time then fast forward to February 2022 I was feelin pretty bored and decided to just say fuck it and buy King of Fighters XV and brother this shit just clicked instantly, the execution is a bit tighter than what I've gotten used to from modern fighting games but it all just feels so good I don't even mind when I accidently drop a combo. Oh my god and the characters fucking rule there is this one dude who has the Android 16 dunk and MvC ironman's unibeam. My favorite dude is the one who looks like a phone game icon and has a shit ton of grabs

This is easily the best fighting game of 2022, sadly the only bad thing about this game is the online matchmaking is pretty broken like the game plays like a slideshow with my friend who lives down the street but it plays perfectly with my friend who lives a few miles away. This game is a hardcore recommend if you're willing to risk the possibility of the online being dogshit with one of your friends.

6 - Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors and Zero

I've never really been a visual novel guy, the whole genre just felt like reading a book with extra steps. Then after trying to watch some stupid ass death game anime that just wasn't clicking I said fuck it I'll just play this to get my death game fix.

I actually tried to get into this game about 7 year ago? I remembered reading about it in Nintendo Power back in the day and decided to pick it up, unfortunately I tried playing it during a very stressful time and after playing the tutorial I put the game down intending to come back once things started to feel normal, anyways 7 years later I started up the PC port and had a lot of fun. The puzzles were clever and I had a great time trying to figure out if one of the characters were working behind the scenes of this death game.

I'd like to share more but I also really don't want to spoil this game so I'll just say "Snake" is the best character in the game :)

5 - Wolfenstein: The New Order

At the end of 2021 I was looking back at the games that releasing during the year and got really bummed, it really started to feel like games were just getting worse. Either stuff was coming out blatantly unfinished like Battlefield 2042 or It was just a flash in the pan game like Back 4 Blood or Halo Infinite that I couldn't even run on my little 1060. Games just started to feel so disposable and greedy, what was the point in installing the hot new thing when it took over a hundred gigs of space and wouldn't even last long enough to even be remembered? So at the start of 2022 I said fuck it I'm done with video games until I realized how boring life was so I said alright fuck it if the new shit sucks I'll just play the old shit.

I randomly decided to play Wolfenstein: The New Order and dawg this shit is one of the finest single player first person shooters I've played, everything about it was just so perfectly crafted. It's a game you can beat in a day and 100% in two, the guns and ammo is perfectly paced where I felt like I was always getting a fun new weapon to use on the nazis, and the story has just the right amount of silliness to keep my attention the whole time. If you felt the same way as I did at the start of the year please play it, or check out your backlog to find a gem like this.

4 - The Rehearsal

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and fix a mistake you've made? Well Nathan Fielder's The Rehearsal is sorta like that, Fielder being the absolute insane crazy person he is helps people rehearse things they're scared of doing, like in the first episode he meets a dude who lied about having a master's degree to his bar trivia friends and has him go through every possible scenario so he can confess to his one friend who he is certain will not take his lie well.

Some other stuff happens too, but this show left me fuckin' mouth agape in complete shock multiple times an episode and I don't want to spoil some of the absolute insane shit that happens in this show, so just trust me when I say this shit rules and you've gotta watch it, also watch Nathan for You if you haven't.

3 - Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Dawg, Edgerunners is the best animated project I watched in 2022. If you've watched it I don't need to say shit because you already know this shit rules, if you haven't watched it you should watch it. I think in the future when we look back at animation that dropped this decade we're gonna be remembering Edgerunners as one of the best of the 2020's. When I was watching there were just so many "holy shit this is so beautifully animated" moments, the story isn't anything super groundbreaking but god it's just so pretty and the characters are so charming.

2 - Pulp Fiction

Good Movie. Everything I want to say has been said by people way smarter than me so yeah, good movie is all that needs to be said from me.

1 - JPEGMAFIA

I'm no Fantano so I can't really properly explain what it is that made me love this dude's music so much but I randomly stumbled upon him in March and he's slowly been growing on me more and more til I eventually ended up just playing all his stuff on repeat for days without listening to anything else. Instead of going on and on I'll just list some of my favorite for you to check out.

BALD!

HAZARD DUTY PAY!

FREE THE FRAIL

THOT TACTICS

JESUS FORGIVE ME, I AM A THOT

I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT TIL MORRISEY DIES

1539 N. CALVERT

dude is just great and I wish I discovered him sooner.

Thanks for reading sorry if I explained myself poorly hopefully my writing will get better by doing this more alright I'm gonna go piss and play cyberpunk xoxoxo 😘😘