#i almost never delete posts on my main so i could probably find it if i wanted to

[fiercynn]

otw july 2 board meeting: what the hell was that

so the otw (@transformativeworks) board had their Q2 meeting yesterday, which was highly anticipated given everything that's gone down in the past months:

the @end-otw-racism campaign demanding action from otw on their own commitments made three years ago to better address racist harassment in otw and on ao3 (btw, support end otw racism's current campaign #Vote To End OTW Racism!)

recent revelations about how otw has mistreated its volunteers, regarding azarias and how the org reacted after the CSEM attacks on volunteers last year, as well as how the policy & abuse committee (PAC) is overworked and treated by the legal commitee overall (documented here)...

...and ongoing mistreatment of chinese, chinese diaspora, and chinese-speaking volunteers, particularly regarding an incident last year that put volunteers in mainland china at risk, and the board's recent unilateral decision to close the otw weibo account without input from the weibo account leads or any chinese-speaking volunteers

the AI shit

and probably more that i've missed, honestly. so! this is my summary of the meeting, focusing mostly on the issues related to racism; i have screenshots of the whole meeting but will at this point only share those i find most relevant/interesting! alt text will be included for every screenshot in the image, not below it.

and hold on, because this is going to be LONG!

pre-meeting ableism in #help channel so shit actually started going down the previous day in the otw board discord's help channel where there was a pretty ableist resposne to a person who asked if the board could consider adding the pluralkit bot to the server. i wasn't there, but hojarasca on dreamwidth posted about it, and i believe some other folks who were there will post screenshots soon too.

all of that conversation was deleted from the help channel by today, which is not unusual but did mean that a majority of people at today's meeting might not know what went down.

board meeting starts; immediate chaos the board meeting started at 8pm UTC, and it was clear almost immediately that the board was unprepared. what you have to understand about otw board meetings is that they are not really meetings where the board members discuss anything with each other. basically otw board members show up, share an agenda , give written updates on the items on the agenda, take votes on board decisions (but without any discussion publicly), and take questions. none of the materials like the agenda or relevant documents were shared ahead of time, and the board did not offer a way to submit questions ahead of time specific to the board meeting. (otw does have a contact us form to email their board or committee chairs, but i've never gotten a response lol.)

another weird thing that happened before the meeting started was that board member alex tischer was active answering questions in the help channel up to five minutes before the meeting, but didn't stay for the meeting. i don't think a reason was shared for this. this is relevant because alex has been criticized for racist responses to chinese volunteers, particularly those that ran & interacted with otw's weibo account, both in the past & last month when they closed their weibo account without any notice to the volunteers. this will also come up again later in the q&a section...

anyway. the meeting starts. all of the discussion directly about the meeting is supposed to happen in one discord channel called #public-board-meetings; the #help channel is supposed to be for tech issues etc. there is no separate channel for asking questions to the board - those are supposed to be posted in the main board meeting channel. and as far as we can tell, there are no mods of either of these channels apart from board members.

at the start of the meeting there are at least 209 attendees. for context, the last board meeting in march had 31. i've heard from people who have attended board meetings for the past couple years that there are usually 10-40 attendees per meeting. but again, given what's been going down, it's not surprising that so many people showed up!

and because there are a lot of people who haven't attended these meetings before, attendees immediately start asking questions, both process questions about the meeting and actual questions they want to ask the board. which again is understandable because there haven't been many answers given in the #help channel, and the board immediately muddies things further by giving confusing instructions about when to ask questions. they first say this - that they are going to proceed through their agenda, so people should hold questions that are NOT about any agenda items until the end. they imply that questions that are about agenda items are okay as they go through the agenda, but there will be conflicting instructions about this later...

agenda is posted & actual meeting content begins...kind of here's the meeting agenda that was shared. not...terribly descriptive lol

- Decisions taken since the previous meeting - Strategic Plan vote - Update on OTW's Diversity Work - AOB (Any Other Business) - Time for questions

people immediately start asking questions about various agenda items & also procedure questions. very few of these are answered. the first agenda item is posted - decisions taken since the previous meeting.

the board gives us "a couple minutes to read the above". everything's getting a little muddled already because people keep asking questions (reasonably!) about agenda items. there are several questions about the specific agenda item of "decisions taken since the previous meeting". some of the questions are getting answered by otw volunteers but none by board members at this point.

the board moves on to the next agenda item without answering questions about the "decisions" item. people are asking for a separate channel for questions but none is created. board members tell us they will try to get to all the answers at the end, but that we should send any additional answers to the board through the otw contact us form. many people point out that they've rarely gotten responses that way.

board gives a brief update (that was NOT on the agenda) from the finance committee chair, who was not at the meeting, to say that the 2023 budget was posted earlier this year, and that people can send questions via the contact us form. i'll note here that i sent a message to the finance committee with a question about the 2023 budget two months ago and have not gotten a response.

strategic plan update + question procedure still unclear the board then starts to give an update on the strategic plan, which board members are to vote on today. attendees ask if the full strategic plan draft was shared publicly before this meeting and we are told it was only shared with volunteers, not with members or the public.

they do share an infographic summarizing the strategic plan. hilariously, the first version they upload is so blurry that it's unreadable. they then share a gdoc with alt text. if you are new-ish to otw stuff, this infographic and the jargon in it are probably pretty confusing.

the board keeps giving us "a few minutes to check things out". people ask them to not do that and proceed because we can read while they are typing. questions to the board keep going unanswered and various other people say that we're supposed to hold questions until the end. we again get told conflicting things about how to ask questions. a board member asks us to hold ALL questions until the end, but an otw volunteer points to an earlier statement from a different board member & says that questions on the current agenda item are allowed.

at 45 minutes into the meeting, when most questions are going unanswered (and a lot of only being answered by otw volunteers, not board members), the board disables messages in the main channel so that they can proceed with the agenda. this is not usual board meeting procedure and was unannounced until they did it. people start getting really creative with emoji reactions because they can't ask questions. the board admits that they were unprepared for the number of attendees at this meeting.

attendees then start asking questions in the help channel, which has been put on "slow mode", which means each user can only post every thirty minutes. multiple otw volunteers share in the help channel that they warned the board about preparing for the meeting, and the only change the board made in response was to make it 30 minutes longer than usual.

in the main channel, the board does not have any public discussion on the strategic plan (which has not been shared, only the infographic has), and votes unanimously to approve it.

diversity work update, aka a glorified otw news post the board moves on to the "diversity work update", which is now a standard section of every board meeting. they share two updates - firstly, that caste has been added as a protected class in the code of conduct, and secondly that they've heard the concerns coming from @end-otw-racism supporters and others. both of which were already shared a month ago in this OTW news post from a month ago, which they link to.

seriously, nothing new is shared in this part of the meeting that wasn't in that post. some update!

q&a part one the board asks for emoji reactions again to see how many people are in attendance. unclear why they do this unless they were hoping people might have left? but alas for them, there are still 182 people that emoji react saying they are in the meeting!

the board FINALLY starts answering questions, but they do not yet re-enable messages so that users can ask more questions. they start by addressing the pluralkit issue from yesterday, but they don't give any response about the ableism that was allowed to go unchecked in the channel.

then, BAFFLINGLY, they start with answering questions from someone who wasn't able to make the meeting. how did this person submit those questions beforehand? NO ONE KNOWS. fortunately this person had (imo) good questions, but again, why were their questions given preference? unclear.

okay there were a LOT of questions and responses, so i'm going to stick to sharing the ones that were most important to me, which were about addressing racism within the otw and on ao3. hopefully someone else will summarize other issues!

we finally get our FIRST REAL NEW RESPONSE on a diversity/racism issue! the board says they plan to hire a diversity consultant by the end of the year.

we also hear that changes to otw's terms of service are being proposed to give the policy & abuse committee more tools to address harassment, including "racially-motivated" harassment.

board says the best way for people other than otw volunteers to get involved with anti-racism issues is...to stay up to date on what otw is doing, attend public meetings, and send questions through the comment form. what.

the board does not answer how they have reached out to fans of color in their work to address racism, which i assume means they haven't; they instead say that fans of color are free to provide input/feedback via the contact us form. emoji reactions explode

the board says that the strategic plan has initiatives to combat racism including improving diversity in recruitment (of...who? volunteers, board members? potential future paid staff?), hiring a diversity consultant, & forming "volunteer coalitions"

slight digression from my focus on racism issues because of how many times the board has told us to submit questions via their contact us form: very little clarity on how long it will take for answers to be questions, or how long people spend on responses

the goals for the future diversity consultant are to do an audit of the organization and offer recommendations on how to proceed. couldn't be vaguer lol

otw does not currently have plans to have an internal committee for diversity, equity, and inclusion work, since they're relying on the external consultant, but if the consultant recommends it they'll consider

by the time they've gotten through these responses, there are only five minutes left in the meeting! remember, messaging by attendees has been disabled for the past 40 minutes, so everything the board has answered so far is from people who got their questions in during the first 45 minutes (or, apparently, one person who managed to get in questions before the meeting).

q&a part two at this point, the board FINALLY re-enables messaging for new questions, but clarifies that they will only take them until 9:30pm UTC. which means anyone who did actually wait to ask their questions now only has five minutes to ask them! questions start rolling in immediately. again, going to focus on the ones about racism.

i'm listing questions in chronological order that they are asked, but please note that the corresponding answers from the board are coming WAY later than the questions. the board took until 10:20pm UTC (almost an hour after the meeting was supposed to end) to answer all the questions. mostly i'm telling you this because the emoji reactions on the answers by the board get more limited as people understandably have to leave the meeting lol

the first question of round two is about how chinese & chinese diaspora volunteers have been treated re: the weibo account closure, & board member alex tischer's role in this.

board response is horrifyingly empty, only promising the creation of a new "anonymous form" to receive feedback from chinese and chinese diaspora volunteers on the situation.

an attendee asks for better prioritization of racism & equity issues in the meetings, and better preparation from the board. (note that the addition of "diversity work update" to the agenda is not new, i believe it was instituted late last year)

in response, board admits they were unprepared despite volunteers warning them, says they will take advice from this meeting forward. emoji reactions are out in full force

an attendee asks more details about how the diversity consultant research officer (who is NOT a hired diversity consultant, but an otw volunteer in charge of the hiring process for a consultant) engages with the board & what goals they have for the future consultant

response from board is that they meet weekly, and that the research officer is herself in charge of identifying goals for the future consultant

an attendee points out that "curate your space" tools are not enough to protect users from targeted abuse, including racist abuse, and that asking fans of color to reach out to the board instead of the other way around is bullshit (my words haha)

the board's response to this is to offload that onto the future diversity consultant. SERIOUSLY.

an otw member asks if the diversity consultant will also look at accessibility for disabled users across the otw

board essentially says "yeah, sure" lol

an otw member asks how otw will remove barriers to becoming a voting member and diversifying membership & committee leadership

board's response is that they don't know the demographics of their members or volunteers, which...somehow means they can't remove barriers that would help fans of color or non-western fans from becoming members and volunteers? lmaoooooooo

an attendee asks for accountability in ensuring that the incoming board keeps the current board's promises re: DEI, pointing to improvements made by the 2015 board that were later reversed by a new board make-up

board does not seem to understand this question so answers an entirely different one! (seriously, i double-checked which question they were responding to.)

an otw volunteer asks what the plans are to deal with the "ongoing exclusion and alienation of chinese-speaking volunteers"?

the board repeats that they have opened a feedback form for chinese-speaking volunteers. that's it.

so those are all the questions i saw on racism; as i mentioned, there were TONS more good questions on board transparency and communications, protection of volunteers, moderating board meetings better, lack of feedback collection on the strategic plan, etc.

at PRECISELY 9:30pm UTC, messages are disabled again so that no more questions can be asked. all of the otw board responses that i shared above are from after messages were disabled again.

takeaways this meeting was a complete mess. the process was extremely unclear and made things inaccessible; while the board did (from what i can tell) answer all the questions posted, people were not able to ask all the questions that they'd planned because of the unannounced disabling of messaging.

and then, of course, there's the fact that the majority of the answers are bullshit, which is probably the least surprising thing about this meeting.

it's just ridiculous that they weren't prepared for this. given everything that's gone down in the past months, why on earth wouldn't they assume that people would show up with hard questions? the mismanagement and incompetence is frankly astounding. which i guess is the story of the last few months re: OTW anyway!

so...see you at the next one in a few months, i guess? 🤷🏾‍♀️

[wittlesissyb4by]

Author's Note: If you're wondering where Chapter 4 is, you're not going crazy. Due to the nature and formatting (it uses chatlogs and explicit content) it is not suited enough for this prude-ass site. I'm sorry to say, but if you want to read Chapter 4 (and all the way up to 7), you'll have to subscribe to my SubStar. I'm sorry, I wish there was another way, but I will have it available for even the least expensive option of $3. My sincerest apologies. Still, I think you'll still be able to grasp the story without missing too much context from Ch. 4 (our main character, Alan, performed a task, and was rewarded with pictures of Persephone.) I hope you can still enjoy the story below. Thanks for reading!

The White Rabbit Chapter 5 - Cockslut

I had never jerked off to the same set of pictures so many times in my life. Even when I was younger and found my Dad’s dirty magazines, my prepubescent self didn’t spank it as much as I had to the photos I’d just received from Persephone.  I spent so long staring and fapping to those pictures she sent, every inch of her was embedded into my brain. Burned into my retinas like when a TV is left on for so long that it damages the display. Hell, it probably is burned into my phone screen from being up so many times. 

She’s even more gorgeous than I imagined. It’s rare that something can live up to the hype you’ve been building up for it for so long. I pored over every pixel of her perfect body, examined the contours of her cheeks, the twinkle in her eyes, the crooks of that devious smile, the splotches of colors in her tattoos, specifically the one of the little white rabbit.

“That doesn’t mean that’s what she really looks like. She could be catfishing you” That tiny voice in the back of my head still whispered.  But I shoved that thought aside, even after the post-nut clarity hit.

I still masturbated the way she told me to. Every single time. Fingering the head of my dripping clit through my little panties with a dildo in my mouth or ass. I didn’t last long at all. I imagined her standing over me, smiling that wicked smile, laughing at me while shoving that dildo in my mouth, or pounding me in the ass with it. I finally was able to give a face to the rubber dick I’d been shoving in my holes for so long. What I wouldn’t give to have her right there next to me, doing all the things I imagined, but in reality.

Persephone didn’t talk to me for a few days. I don’t know if she had something going on, or if she was just leaving me to my own devices, to stare longingly at her photos, to imagine scenarios of her in my head. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I think it also makes subs more dependent on their Mistresses. 

Without her guiding presence, I was left with this odd sort of void. No one was telling me what to do anymore. How would I know how to “fuck my slutty little asshole” if she wasn’t there to tease and berate me with her messages?

I’m not proud of what I did in her absence. 

“Sorry, I had some things…come up at work.” She messaged after almost a whole week. 

“It’s fine.” I said, trying to sound nonchalant, like I wasn’t checking my phone every 30 seconds in hopes that she would finally respond. 

“Did you do okay while I was gone?”

“Yes Mistress.” I said, hoping to leave it at that.

“My little slut was able to handle herself?”

I guess you could say that.  “Yes Mistress.”

But something was eating at me. I didn’t know how to tell her, I didn’t know if I wanted to tell her. But this relationship—no matter how weird it was—had to be built on trust, right?

“I…i might’ve…” I typed out the next part, deleted it, then typed again. “I may have…found someone else…”

My heart was pounding as I waited for her response, but it didn’t take long. 

“Oh?”

She wanted me to elaborate. 

“Did you find a girl in real life that’ll dress you up like a sissy bitch and fuck your little butt, slut?”

I audibly scoffed at that. Like that would ever happen. 

“No I…found some other people online…”

“People? As in, more than one?”

“I…yea…”

She didn’t say anything for a while. She must have been fuming. 

“Are they girls? Or are they men?”

I felt myself flush, shriveling into myself. I felt so ashamed, not just because of what it was, but because I knew I was disappointing her. I was effectively ‘cheating’ on her. 

“Men…😞”

Nothing happened for a second, minutes, hours— or at least that’s what it felt like. Then, Persephone is typing…

It took a long time too. She must have been writing a novel. Berating me for being such a piece of shit. I finally found a girl to fulfill my dreams, and I went and blew it as soon as she stepped away for a few days. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” She said. “Did you sext with them??”

Again, I wanted to lie, but there was no denying it now. “Yes…”

“This is it. I blew it. A girl any submissive would kill for, and I let it slip away the first chance I got. 

Persephone is typing…

I was sweating, dreading what was to come. Finally, a massive text bubble hit the screen. 

“LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂”

Well…that wasn’t the response I expected. 

“You fucking WHORE!! Hahaha”

I felt a bit of tentative relief, still not quite sure how she was taking it. 

“Did I tell you you had to do that??”

“No ma’am…😥”

“But you did it anyway?”

“Mhmm.. 😣”

“You know, this is the second time you’ve done something without my permission, and it always seems to involve cock…”

She was referring to the time I used the dildos she ‘made’ me buy. She didn’t tell me to use them, she didn’t have to, I just…did it anyway. 

“Because you’re a desperate little cockslut, aren’t you?”

My immediate reaction was to deny it, the same way I’d been doing my whole life. I always told myself ‘as long as a woman was making me be a slut for men, it was fine. It’s not gay.’ But the proof was right there. Even without her around I still went out and did what I always told myself I’d never do on my own. 

“I…i think so…😩”

“I wanna hear you say it.” 

“Say what?”

“Tell me what you are.”

It took a second to register what she meant, but then it hit me like a truck.

“I’m a little cockslut…” I said. Just typing the words made me feel weird, but also weirdly arroused…

“Louder.”

I switched to all caps, “I’M A LITTLE COCKSLUT!!”

“No no.” She replied, “I want you to make a video. Put your little panties on, get on your dildo, and start bouncing.”

I scrambled to obey, perhaps a bit too quickly. My cock was already fully erect by the time I pulled my panties up around it. I stuck the suction cup to the floor, making the rubber dick sway back and forth, squirted a generous amount of lube on the tip, worked some between my crack, pulled my panties aside, hit the video, and started recording. 

I slowly lowered myself down on it, wincing as it pressed inside my unrelaxed sphincter. There were several seconds of awkward fumbling and adjusting and lowering and gasping before it finally worked its way in and the sounds turned to sighing. 

“I’m a little cockslut,” I said softly, working the dildo further into me. 

“I’m a little cockslut.” I repeated, feeling it slide along my prostate. 

“I’m a little cockslut!” My eyes were in the back of my head. 

“I’M A LITTLE COCKSLUT!!” I practically shouted, burying the dildo all the way inside me until I was squatting down on the balls. There was no denying how good it felt to be full like that. I quickly clipped the video and sent it to Persephone. 

“Don’t stop now.” She replied. “I can see you leaking in your panties. You’re loving this!!”

She was right, my panties were soaked with precum. 

I bounced, swirled, grinded my hips back and forth. 

“How many guys did you sext with?”

I wanted to reduce the number, but I was too horny to deny it. 

“Seven” I managed to reply while still keeping rhythm. 

“Seven?! That’s more than I assigned you the other day!”

She was right. What felt like such a chore before quickly became something I craved, like a lot of things she was making me do…

The dildo felt so good. I was fully relaxed now, bouncing and taking that dick like the best of them. 

“How did it make you feel? Being a little whore for men and making them cum?”

“Like a slut, Goddess.”

“You fucking LOVED it, didn’t you?”

I did, and I told her so. 

“Show me how much you love that dick.”

I set the camera up again, putting it in selfie mode so I could see myself bounce on the cock. I needed to shave my legs, I needed to work out more, get in better shape to get a better body so I could attract more—

Oh my GOD! It felt so good. When I leaned back it hit my spot perfectly. I crab-crawled my arms backwards, putting all my weight on my hands so I could focus on gyrating my hips. 

I pulled the front of my panties to the side. I wanted her to see how hard I was. How much it made my dick swell to have something pumping in and out of my asshole. I was gonna be her little buttslut. Her little whore to pimp out like she always told me. My mind was swimming, my body was clenching, waves coursed through my legs and up to my pelvis, an immense rush came from inside my rectum and then—

The first shot caught me off guard. A huge spurt of semen flew straight up in the air. Another one went forward, spraying the floor and pretty much everything else around the room as my bouncing cock spewed like an unmanned firehose. 

It took several seconds for me to register what happened, to come off the high I just experienced. To snap back to reality, to realize this even was reality. I was still gasping for breath when I slowly slid the cock out. I sat there for a second, contemplating what just took place. 

I just had a sissygasm. 

I’d heard of it before, but I never thought it was actually possible other than by extremely practiced sissies. Professionals. Ones that knew what they were doing because they’d done it so much and so heavily enjoyed the feeling of co—

I grabbed my phone, swiping away a glob of cum that must have landed on the screen. I contemplated not sending the video to Persephone, but I had to see what she said. 

Her first several messages were a series of laughing emojiis. She even sent me an audio file of her cackling like an amused hyena. If I could have seen her face, it probably had tears of laughter leaking down the sides. 

“I knew you’d get there one day, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon!!”

I let her have her fun. Berating and humiliating and teasing me for proving what a “cockslut” I am. I don’t think there was anything I could do to deny it at that point. 

“Clean up your mess.” She finally said. 

I spent the next several minutes lapping up the many, many puddles of cum littered around the room. The thick globs refused to come up just from me tonguing it like a dog, so I had to press my lips around them and slurp it up like a dog. 

“You’re not done.” She said after I sent her the video of me gargling and swallowing some. 

I looked around for a puddle I’d missed, how had she seen something that I couldn’t?

“I’m not sure where, Goddess…?”

Was it my panties? They *were* quite wet, did she mean my panties? But she soon clarified:

“The dildo 😈” 

My stomach churned as I looked back at the rubber dick I’d just violated my ass with. “Oh Goddess…please no…”

This wasn’t me faking some sort of trepidation in order for her to have another chance to belittle me, this was genuine disgust. 

“I know it’s gross, honey. But if i’m gonna whore you out you’re going to have to get used to going ass to mouth. There are some very callous men out there…”

“Please…please don’t make me 🥺”

“I’m sorry, sissy, it has to be done. Let this be a lesson for you to keep yourself clean at all times. You need to be doing regular enemas. You never know who’s gonna stop and bend your bimbo ass over! Now get to cleaning. And don’t try to wipe it down first either, I can see the glistens of lube.”

Damn, that was my backup plan. There was no getting out of it. Well…there was. I could just stop talking to her altogether. Draw the line. Quit right here and now. But was I really going to let a dirty dildo ruin what we have? I’d probably never get this opportunity again. (Not to clean my ass juices off a fake dick—but have a powerful woman tell me what to do.)

I leaned in close, turning up my nose, trying to block out the faint, pungent smell. The fake black dick at least hid any damning streaks I may not have had the stomach to see. 

After tapping record on my phone, I tentatively opened my mouth and stuck my tongue to the tip, cringing at the taste that was probably more lube than anything else. I made a mental note to get the flavored stuff if this was going to be a regular occurance. 

A regular occurance? What was happening to me?? I went from wanting to be dominated by a stranger, to wearing panties, dirty talking creepy men, shoving dicks in my holes, and then shoving those dirty dicks back into my mouth. I never imagined wanting to be dominated would lead to me doing such depraved things. But here I was, slurping the lube off of a dick I just used to make myself cum without even touching my own dick. 

“I think you missed a spot…” Persephone said, “go deeper.”

I wonder if she enjoys this. Like genuinely enjoys watching guys in panties gag and sputter on a dirty dildos. Then again, I can think of several females I screwed over in the past that would probably pay good money for this very video. 

“Now the balls…”

If it was able to sparkle, it would have by the time I was done with it. My mouth was full of all sorts of conflicting flavors like cum, lube, and god knows what else. 

“Smack your face with it a few times, just for giggles!”

Oh how far I’d fallen. If only I had known at the time that this was only the very beginning. 

“Did you have fun?” She asked after it was all said and done. 

“Yes Goddess,” I said, even without being horny anymore, I found myself being truthful. 

“You like being my little slut?”

“YES Goddess!”

“Good. Because I have another assignment for you…”

~~To Be Continued~~

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's Field Date (Part 1)

⚡Warning: This post contains detailed spoiler's for a Date which hasn't been released in EN yet!⚡

[This date was translated with the help of Google translate!]

✧[Section 1]✧

Shaw's message: "If the old man doesn't grant me leave, I won't be able to come back to celebrate the Qixi Festival." MC: Hm…

Looking at the text on the phone, I let out a long sigh.

During this period, I will be filming a cultural and tourism promotional program about ethnic fashion. Shaw will be accompanying the professor for field research, and both of us was away from Loveland City.

As a result, what should have been a joyous "couples' summer vacation" has now turned into being apart from each other.

We had previously planned to set aside at least two days for Qixi Festival to find a place and have some fun together. However, upon seeing this message…

MC: "It's okay, let's forget about it... Um, will he think I'm being stubborn?" MC: "It's okay, I can't take time off either... Wait, this sentence sounds a bit strange, let's delete it…"

Characters are jumping on the screen, and I keep withdrawing them.

Just as I was considering how to reply, the director nearby called me.

Director: MC, it's possible that we won't be able to film the scenes about Miao Village the day after tomorrow. MC: Huh? Why? Director: We didn't notice before, but just now we sent a drone out, and we realized that on the other side of the mountain, at Cuisong Slope, it seems like some archaeological excavation is taking place. Director: The entire area is full of pits and uneven terrain, it's impossible to capture on camera! MC: How about letting the drone shoot from a different angle? Director: We just tried it, and the results were just okay. The main issue is that Cuisong Slope is right between the bamboo forest and the Miao village, and it's difficult to frame the shot properly…

The director paused, as if he had an idea.

Director: Wait a moment, maybe we should talk to them. It might be possible to ask them to stop work for two days, move the excavators and such away, and then we could manage with the visuals? MC: That could work... I'll try talking to them and see if we can find a compromise.

After making up my mind, I asked the production team to contact the local cultural and tourism bureau. Meanwhile, I set off to meet the archaeological team in person and have a face-to-face discussion.

As soon as I got in the car, my cell phone rang.

MC: Oh, shit!

With this unexpected turn of events, I haven't had a chance to reply to Shaw's message yet!

I hastily pressed the call button, and a low-octave voice came over immediately.

Shaw [on the phone]: I saw you typing for almost two minutes, and then you disappeared. What happened? Shaw: ...you're not mad at my message, are you?

Even though his voice sounded confident, his sentences were subtly probing. I found it amusing and couldn't help but curl my lips into a smile.

MC: I'm not upset at all. I just got caught up with work and couldn't reply to your message right away. Coincidentally, you called just as I was about to respond. Shaw: Fine.

Shaw hummed twice, which could be considered him acknowledging my explanation. At that moment, I heard a burst of noise on his end, as if he was arguing about something.

MC: What happened to you guys? Shaw: Oh nothing, just now a program team called and wanted us to stop work so they could shoot. MC: …..? Shaw: Now the program producer over there says they want to talk face-to-face with us. Tsk tsk, quite arrogant. Your company shouldn't learn from them. Shaw: Old Man Shen wants to take me along. He said we must show that arrogant producer who's in charge when the time comes. Shaw: But if they do stop work, it seems like I might be able to fight for some time off again… MC: ….. MC: …Shaw.

I interrupted Shaw's muttering.

Shaw: What's wrong? MC: I never asked before, where is your field research site? Shaw: Even if I told you, you probably wouldn't know. It's called Cuisong Slope, right next to a Miao village, extremely remote... Why suddenly ask about this? MC: ….

I took a deep breath, signaled the driver to increase the accelerator, and spoke with a smile.

MC: The producer of the program you're about to dismantle… should be me.

✧[Section 2]✧

Shaw: ….. MC: …… Professor Shen: …..

In the afternoon at the archaeological site, there was complete silence. Professor Shen wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead and gave a slight cough.

Professor Shen: We originally thought that we encountered some unreasonable program group, but we didn't expect it to be...... MC: It's okay. It might have been a little misunderstanding from the start of our phone conversation, which led to the confusion on your part as well. Professor Shen: Hahaha it's okay.

…There was silence again.

I turned my gaze to Shaw, desperately sending him a "help" signal. He subtly glanced at me and then spoke up.

Shaw: What's so awkward about it? Worst case, you two can pretend not to know each other, and I'll just introduce you again, right?

He gestured with four fingers close together, pointing at Professor Shen, and then pointed at me.

Shaw: This person— is Professor Shen, in charge of the Cuisong Slope archaeological excavation work, and this person is Miss MC, the producer from [MC Company's Name]. Shaw: Is this formal enough?

Professor Shen shook hands with me, and the atmosphere relaxed.

I formally expressed the needs of our program to Professor Shen, and he nodded happily.

Professor Shen: Since you also want to promote the customs and culture here, of course we can cooperate. Professor Shen: You don't need to worry about the duration of the work stoppage. I'll communicate with the team here. Besides…

The old gentleman glanced at Shaw who was at the side, and lowered his voice.

Professor Shen: Some people have asked me for time off multiple times, eager to spend the Qixi Festival with their girlfriends. Now they're finally getting their wish fulfilled.

Shaw: Hello, you two don't think I can't hear you. Shaw: Moreover, when have I taken time off multiple times? Am I the kind of person who can't separate work and personal matters? Among the whole archaeological team, I'm the most dedicated person…

Professor Shen: So, starting from today, the archaeological team is taking a break, and you can continue working. Go be a tour guide for your girlfriend. How about showing some "dedication to the job"?

Professor Shen waved his hand generously, and blocked all Shaw's stubborn words.

I chuckled, took Shaw's hand, and waved towards Professor Shen.

MC: Thank you, Professor Shen, for cooperating with our work and letting us borrow your star student!

Back in the car of the production team, Shaw and I sat side by side in the back seat. He had his arm propped up, looking out the window, but suddenly he turned his head…

Shaw: Why are you staring at me? MC: ...Is my gaze really that noticeable? Shaw: It's obvious from before even getting in the car.

My face flushed, not wanting him to catch on to the uncontainable longing. I coughed awkwardly.

MC [blushes]: It's nothing, I'm just surprised to see you dressed so casually for once, it's a bit unexpected~

The Shaw in front of me now feels completely different from the Shaw in Loveland City.

The Shaw I usually see is always the most conspicuous one in the crowd, but today he's just wearing a simple vest covered with work overall.

The fabric was stained with dirt and mud spots, clearly indicating that he had spent this time in the dirt pits.

I reached out and poked the small cluster of hair tied up with an elastic band at the back of his head. It was a little prickly and a little itchy.

MC: Your hair has gotten longer.

Shaw: I've been so busy, and I didn't want Tony, the local hair stylist, to touch my hair, so I just let it grow.

Shaw shrugged nonchalantly, and my fingers shifted along the tips of his hair. I poked the slightly reddened sunburn on his cheek.

MC: You've gotten tanned as well. Shaw: Yeah, digging in the soil during the peak of summer, it'd be strange if I didn't get tanned.

He paused, and suddenly looked at me suspiciously.

Shaw: Are you…? MC: What? Shaw: …nothing. MC: What "nothing," why stop in the middle of your sentence?!

But no matter how much I pestered him, Shaw refused to speak, and even put on his earphones.

Hmph!

After the car returned to the shooting location, there was still a lot of work that I needed to continue to participate in.

I gave Shaw an apologetic look and then turned to coordinate with my colleagues to wrap up the remaining tasks.

MC: I'm off work, do you want to go to a nearby town to have a good meal tonight?

Shaw [someone feeling jealous]: Who were those guys wearing ethnic clothing just now? MC: Just now?

I froze for a moment before realizing that Shaw was referring to the male models who came to ask me about the filming of the Qixi Festival at the end.

MC: They are the models we hired for the Qixi Festival. Since we are filming an ethnic-themed program, they naturally need to wear ethnic clothing.

Shaw: …..Do you still want to shoot during the festival? MC: Exactly, these are the hardworking laborers. MC: Speaking of which, why did you suddenly ask about them?

Shaw: Nothing much, just... they were dressed so flamboyantly in ethnic attire, and their appearances seemed so mature for their age, it felt a bit strange. MC: ?? Mature? My eye for choosing models shouldn't be that bad, and besides, their ages are similar to yours.

As soon as I said that, Shaw seemed to have been poked by something, and his expression subtly changed.

Shaw: …… Shaw: ……

He opened his mouth, then closed it, and tugged at his dusty work overall.

Shaw: I'm hungry. How about having some local specialty sour soup fish for dinner? MC: - That's a great idea! - Wait, why did you change the subject again?

Seeing Shaw about to walk away, I quickly grabbed his arm and took the opportunity to express my confusion.

MC: Shaw, I have a serious question for you.

MC: Did you got jealous when you saw me talking to the male models? 

—

⚡ Part 2

[nuri148]

Clarity deleted scenes!

No one: Absolutely no one: Me: Should I post some deleted scenes from Clarity?

The answer, of course, is I probably shouldn't, but I fancied to, and since my delulu fellow rm spawnlings enable me, here it is. It's hem, you honour, they made me do it 🥸. (Small text is non-deleted parts, for context )

Deleted scene(s) from Chapter 8

--1--

Mikasa looked at herself in the mirror, not really listening to Gabi raving about how smashing she looked. (...) “Isn’t it too … revealing?” she said, looking at the way the neck almost showed her cleavage.

“No! I wish I could wear a dress like that,” Gabi said. “But I don’t have what it takes,” she added, cupping her hands in front of her small breasts. (...)

“Well, that’s the thing, I don’t want (...) anyone to think I’m a minx.” And by ‘anyone’ she meant one person.

“You’re not dressed like a minx, you just think that because you never wear pretty clothes.” 

Mikasa looked vexed. “I do wear pretty clothes!” Gabi sighed. 

“Mikasa, you’re my friend and I love you, but you have two kinds of clothes: those boring two-pieces you used to wear for Armin’s diplomatic meetings, and peasant robes from when the walls were up that look like you're hiding under a burlap sack.” 

“Gabi!” Mikasa was clearly mortified now. 

“I’m sorry, this is probably not the best time to say it, but it’s true.” She looked sheepish. 

“What about the white blouse, the one with the ruffles that Lena sent me for my birthday? That’s pretty.” 

“Indeed. A gift.” 

“And the taupe dress? I bought that one myself.”  

Gabi snorted. “Because I practically forced you to.” Mikasa sat on the bed, dejected, and toyed with the skirt of her gown. 

--2-- 

Happy to find out the four of them had been assigned to the same table, they took their seats, making small talk as the hall slowly filled with guests.

“They really nailed it this year,” Levi commented, feeling one of the pale green napkins. “Two years ago they decked all the tables crimson, it looked like a fucking cabaret.” 

“It’s so beautiful,” Lucy sighed from time to time, her gaze wandering through the hall.  

Mikasa leaned in towards Levi. “Do you know who’s here? Hitch.” 

“Don’t they serve wine here?” Gabi moaned. 

--3-- 

Once the speech finished, the banquet started with the soup course, a cream of potato with duck egg yolk and fresh truffle (...).

[Lucy] was trying to spoon the cream around the yolk.  

“You’re supposed to stir it in,” Mikasa said.  

“But it’s raw,” Lucy whispered. 

“You’re supposed to stir it in right away,” Levi clarified, “so that the heat of the soup makes the yolk safe to eat. 

--4-- 

Levi shot a death glare somewhere behind the girls’ back.

“Did you just scare away a potential dance partner?” Gabi called him out.

“No,” he lied, reaching for the wine, and tch’d at the realisation that the bottle was empty.

“He was about your age, probably some noble’s son,” Mikasa said, casually resting her chin on her hand as she people-watched. 

“Oi!” 

“Levi, it’s a ball. They’ve the right to dance with whomever they please.” 

“You don’t know their real intentions.” 

“I’m pretty sure they intend to dance.” 

“I get it that you hate this,” Lucy said, sternly, “but some of us do want to make the most of the evening.” 

Levi just sulked. 

-----

Why did I cut them?

For #1, I felt it was going on a tangent and distracting from the main plot. In this universe I hc that since Mikasa didn't have someone growing up that that instilled in her a sense of fashion (lost parents too young and then it was khakis forevermore) so she really puts comfort before aesthetics and doesn't see the point in spending in clothes. But this isn't a Mikasa makeover story, this is a rm slowburn and we know Levi'd think her beautiful even when she's wearing old rags.

The other 3 were more to cut down the wc as it was already too high; there may have been transcition issues too (I don't remember after so long). E.g. for #2, there was also a bit of too much stuff being thrown around (sorting it out: more wc). For #4 I also didn't want it to look like Lucy was expecting to meet someone at the ball, and Levi's gatekeeping seemed a tad too much.

[questersrest]

(sorry this is a side blog, dumblr only lets your reply to posts from your main)

anyway, another long infodump ahead (i get possitive responses from my followers when i do this so i will not apologise)

yeah, the room to the left in the quester's rest populates with player's you've tagged (talk to erinn, ask to canvass for guests) up to 6.

once you reach your 7th guest, the barrier is removed from the stairs to access the first floor (second floor for y'all americans) and erinn will explain she had to open it up to make room for more guests. on that floor, you'll find a door and more stairs barred off. the area will populate with another 6 guests.

at your 13th guest, well, first you'll find the whole interior of the quester's rest has been upgraded. but also erinn will have unbarred the door upstairs to make room for another 6 guests.

at your 19th guest, erinn will unbar the stairs to the second floor (third floor). there's another barred door there.

with your 25th guest, the quester's rest interior will upgrade againthe door on the top floor will open and you'll see you finally have room for the whole 30 guests.

if you have more than 30 guests, they start replacing the oldest ones but you can show guests to the royal suit so they never leave (ask erinn to view the guestbook).

when you reach the max capacity of 30, you'll get access to the basement. there's a fountain down there that spawns items, some of the items you find may differ from other players due to a hidden fountain group value in your save file. there are 4 spots where items spawn but a new spot gets added for every 100 players you tag up to 10 additional spots (14 total) at 1000 players. there's also accolades for tagging certain numbers of players up to 1000.

if you ever connected to wifi (ps while ds wifi was discontinued in 2014, there are fan replacement servers you can connect to, ask me about them for more info. otherwise, you can hack this stuff in with the save editor), you probably have the special inn guests from previous games who's rooms you can access from the elevator operator who takes you to the royal suites. they all have 3-5 pieces of gear to give you to dress up as them. they will all have one to give you the first time you talk to them, one to give you on your birthday (birthday in ingame profile settings matches date on your ds), and one to give you when the in is fully expanded. (they may also have one they give you if you talk to them as a certain vocation and/or one after a certain quest. they will also give you birthday cakes and/or party poppers on your birthday, these could only otherwise be obtained from the dqvc - the fan servers do NOT operate dqvc themes that had them. and 1 birthday cake is required for an extra quest so don't go using those up. one extra quest requires dressing as borya; borya will only give you his shoes when the inn is fully expanded. i bought borya's shoes from the dqvc in 2014 instead, the fan servers do NOT run the theme with those either. if you're fine with using a save editor you can hack all this stuff in instead if you want).

in tag mode you can also share a copy of any treasure maps. you can't tag the same player, every save has a uuid (universal unique identifier) so your save will know if it's the same player. but if they've left your inn (either bc you've got more than 30 and they were kicked out, or you manually kicked them from the guest book), you can tag them again. it WON'T count as an additional guest but you can share another map this way.

deleting a save file will delete the uuid so you can reset the save file on another copy over and over, playing through the first 2 hours of the game to reach the quester's rest, then tagging your main copy. this is what i've been doing, it's slow but i'd prefer to avoid hacking my original copy if possible.

EDIT: almost totally forgot i was gonna add a video. if you'd like to see what the inn expansions look like, here's a video. looks like the uploader is enhancing the graphics in an emulator. they also have no actualy guests in the rooms so they probably just unlocked them with the save editor

[eldritch-muppetshow]

onceler askblog digital horror/arg brainstorm session, go

(tw: implied suicide ideation within the story)

(also major spoilers for an arg that doesn’t exist yet and may not happen. i’m not super concerned abt spoiling people though, because in the end i want to get this idea out there somehow even if it never fully materializes beyond these notes)

story

- have “starting point” be a fake blog planted into the onceler fandom as an “archive” of old fandom content, with particular interest in a since-deleted blog that no one can seem to find

- set up the “lost” blog with a url that makes it seem like it’s been deactivated. it’s not, but it’s password-protected so that no one can access its contents right off the bat

- have the fake fandom blog rb select posts from the “lost” blog, hiding the horror content until people unlock it by finding and entering the password

- hide hints of the password to the “lost” blog in the fandom blog’s content

- The reveal is that the onceler featured on the “lost” blog is in fact still alive (probably with some body horror-laden imagery bc you know me), still aware of everything after 10+ years and desperate for reprieve but unable to truly rest in any material sense. at this point, the setting and plotline of the blog has withered away to nothing— all that remains is the main character, driven mad after losing everything he knew + understood, being isolated for over a decade, and yet still persisting after everything around him is gone

- the players’ new goal is to find the password that will deactivate the blog. lots of dramatic irony in how the featured onceler seems to believe it will put him out of his misery, but the reader knows it will not fully “release” him in the sense of erasing him from existence— he will still live on in other people’s memories and reinterpretation of the character. leave the reader uncertain if he is truly “free”

- tie in the horror of the persistence of an idea/art; the idea that you can’t fully “kill” an idea once it’s out there, the horror of being permanently defined by/praised for art that you aren’t proud of— and the persistence of a character beyond what you wanted to set as the end of their “life” under your writing

what is this project trying to say (if it’s meant to say anything at all)?

- basically an elaborate commentary on death of the author in fandom and the persistence of ideas, through the lens of a fanon/au character as a sapient being. the loss of the setting/characters surrounding the “lost” onceler is one big metaphor for how popular au characters in fanon tend to lose the context surrounding them as people only make content for a single popular character— and in turn, they only remember that character

- (could also be commentary about how almost nobody gives a damn about the rest of the 2012 lorax movie outside the onceler, but eh)

- a pretty interesting thought exercise i’ve had is: can you name the original creator of underswap? what about the creator of underfell? or the heroic au in the villainous fandom? i’m sure there’s someone reading this who does remember, but my point is: these aus and characters persisted long after the creators’ involvement with their respective fandoms, and they’ve shifted enough from the original author’s intent that if you ask a couple fandom members “who are these characters”, i guarantee they’ll all have a slightly different answer.

- despite how the project is written, the intended message isn’t necessarily “we need to stop using characters/aus FOREVER if the creator stops being involved with them”. i consider the dark aspects of the story moreso a byproduct of its status as a digital horror story (and my own fears as an artist) rather than a deliberate condemnation of fanon persisting after the creator stops their involvement. because there are cases where the creator willingly gives their art to the community, or is otherwise fine with people continuing it in their place

- also i’m gonna have to set up a fuckton of blogs for this if i’m gonna make this a fully-immersive experience and not rely too much on the suspension of disbelief lol

[annabellelupin]

I know I like just said a few days ago I was going to step back from controversial posts for a bit but something has kind of came to my attention I'd like to address

I'm going to start of with the fact that this is not a hate post so don't get all pissed off at me for this. I'm fine with people expressing there opinions maturely but if you're just going to argue like a child I will delete the replies/reblogs and block you if needed, I don't want to deal with the drama and arguing.

Sometimes I really think people forget Barty Crouch Jr played a very big role in Goblet of Fire.

He locked a man in a trunk for weeks, turned a 14 year old into a ferret (yes he totally deserved it but the man still didn't deserve to get traumatized), is one of the main reasons Cedric died (he created the portkey-), he showed kids unforgivable curses which definitely was a bit traumatic for some of them (and seemed to trigger some ptsd for Neville), helped torture Alice and Frank Longbottom (two very wonderful people) to insanity and caused Neville so much pain by doing so.

Apparently people are defending him because his dad kind of sucked. I'd like to politely point out his mother loved him so much that she traded places with him so he could get out of Azkaban. And what does he do? Oh right, he goes right back to his old ways. I mean you'd figure most reasonable people would take that as a second chance and a reason to change, but nope not him.

... And yet people defend him and push aside the fact he's done some pretty bad things. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for redemption arcs and such, but what redeemable qualities has this man ever showed? and yes I get that he wasn't always a wizard nazi, but it's mentioned in the seventh books that a group of people who become such were doing really terrible things around Hogwarts, and one harmed Mary pretty badly. Just imagine what he did to people during his time at Hogwarts. People don't become evil over night. And unlike a lot of the des out there, he didn't have an entire family supporting Voldemorts actions that drove him to do it, he did it on his own accord.

now, before anyone goes "Oh that never happened!" or "He'd never do that!" he's some proof:

I'm not even going to bother finding the parts where he scars kids for life just because he can. I think this speaks for itself.

and someone pointed out that yes, his dad was a fucking bastard but most characterss had terrible families. I can name so many other characters that went through a lot and didn't do things like this over it. the man even had the audacity to lie about doing a lot of it. yes he was young then, but even years upon years later he made no effort to change for the better. I can almost guarantee that if he would've genuinely changed, Crouch sr would not have done half of this stuff. Like do you really think most parents would willingly do that to their children? he knew if he didn't then they'd both end up getting in trouble (not saying he should've done it, just that he didn't do it for nothing, his own reputation aside he was probably worried his son would end up hurting people again).

I really don't understand how people can defend and love this character...

but whatever. idc. i dont like him but if you do then it's whatever. I'm not going to be directly rude to you if I don't like the same characters or ships as you so don't go thinking this is me being rude to people who do like him, that's not the case. I'm just explaining my thoughts on the subject.

[doomedbythe-narrative]

did you delete your shinran future post? i liked it so i could read it later and now i can't find it anymore

hey!! yes I did -- for reasons that end up boiling down to not liking how I worded things and making it all seem much more uhhhh negative then I intended to. Sorry about that!

I've been thinking these past few days and if you still wanna know what I WANTED to say but hopefully better worded here you go. Also sorry for any spelling/typos I'm actually on my computer for once so I dont have autocorrect to save my ass. <- can never remember how to do the cut thing on mobile

I think in real life ShinRan would not work out. I want to emphasize in real life, because ShinRan is my favourite ship (despite my occasional dabbeling in Heijshin) and I love them and I want them to work out and this is, at the end of a day, a story about them and their life and how much Shinichi loves her. I do actually consider the manga a lovestory first and foremost, because Shinichis main motivation is to return to Ran and to live a happy normal life with her -- normal crossed out because I doubt they'd ever be able to live a normal life, but you get what I mean.

In univerese I imagine they'd work out similarly to Yusako and Yukiko, where yeah there's a case every other day, but they still get to spend enough time together to make up for Shinichi having to get up during dinner to safe the day or whatever. Shinichi actually returning to his life as Shinichi and a potential reveal where Ran realises that huh he never actually did leave her alone and had good, legitimate reasons for his "absence" -- that would probably really work in their favour. If he actually gets his shit together and works with her/lets her tag along (in case he ends up being a detective like her dad) that'd be a hugeee plus (bodyguard ran :sideeye:).

If he ends up going the police route with a semi regular (???) work schedule and a DUTY to leave, even during, perhaps, dates or whatever, I think Ran could cope with that as well, knowing how her dad used to have to leave her mum and her admiration (?) for the policemen/women in her life (<- so long he doesnt go down the Furuya route and/or joins one of the many, many organisations that would probably beg him for help once the BO is taken down. Like I think Ran would probably be over the whole spy/really dangerous people are after my life all the time thing and straight up beat him up if he tried to.)

In real life though I only see too real possibilties: either Ran gets tired of having to wait for him all the time, before the reveal even happens, (which has,,,sorta?? happened in canon already?? like its a joke at this point, and she does have the patience of a saint but lets be real) -- a girl can only take so much, and having to watch her sit around and wait for him all the time hurts even as a fan. Like at some point she'd be fed up with his shit or, if she somehow managed to hang on, Sonoko'd be fed up with his shit.

Like someone in her life would go: you know what? screw this and make her move on and they'd be right to do it too. Again, love Shinichi, like that's my special guy and whatever, but I don't think Ran, or anyone for that matter, could be happy in a relationship like that. Option two is...well...unlikely to say the least becuase, lets say the reveal does happen before she calls it quits and the BO gets taken down and Shinichi gets the therapy he needs -- unless he stops working as a detective, I honestly don't see them working out.

Finding out that your childhood best friend and boyfriend almost died, multiple times all while trying to protect you and lying to your face over and over again to do that is STILL putting himself in danger again and again??? I don't think Ran would like realistically be able to sleep every time he'd be out solving cases or whatever. And I dont think Shinichi would let her come along either because his main motivation is to protect her and she's already gotten in danger during "normal" cases before. AND SHE WOULDNT WANT TO KEEP WAITING.

So. Either he quits (which I don't see happening, not for lack of trying on his part but rather his ability to attract danger and also his sense of justice wouldn't let him I think) or they call it quits for their own sakes.

But this isn't real life so idc shinran on top lmao in my head they get married and live happily ever after

[iviarellereads]

All Systems Red, Chapter 2

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which the humans, in true human fashion, want to packbond.

When MB wakes up, it's up to 80% efficiency, and Mensah has extended the security lockdown an additional four hours, but left a message asking MB to report to her. MB has never been asked to do this by any client, it seems, but thinks maybe she wants to go over the planetary hazard info packet and why it didn't mention the giant predatory worms.

MB takes a moment to say it really doesn't care about its clients or what their goals are.(1) It knows that these clients are from a freehold (not associated with a major corporate confederation) called PreservationAux, and the survey is to see if this planet is worth buying a share in the planet's resource extraction potential. It wasn't expecting much from them, but they've been surprisingly easy to work with.(2)

MB cleans itself off, and puts its armour in its repair slots. It doesn't want to dig out the spare armour set, so it puts on the uniform provided for it instead, something like exercise clothes.

When MB goes out into the main hub, everyone is talking and Mensah is busy, so it waits silently. Ratthi is the first to notice it, with a comedic double take. MB comments that's why it prefers wearing armour as much as possible: the humans like to pretend it's a mindless robot, and that's easier when they don't see a human body shape.

Ratthi asks who this is, with the security lockdown preventing anyone coming in or out. Mensah is busy on an interface, so MB has to say it's their SecUnit. They all look almost as uncomfortable as MB feels, and it wishes it had taken the time to get the spare armour.

Part of it is, they didn’t want me here. Not here in their hub, but here on the planet. One of the reasons the bond company requires it, besides slapping more expensive markups on their clients, is that I was recording all their conversations all the time, though I wasn’t monitoring anything I didn’t need to do a half-assed version of my job. But the company would access all those recordings and data mine them for anything they could sell.(3) No, they don’t tell people that. Yes, everyone does know it. No, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Shortly (subjective: half hour, objective: 3.4 seconds) Mensah turns and sees MB, and asks it to review the hazard report, just as it expected. It does so, and can feel Dr. Gurathin, an augmented human with his own interface, poking at the data while the others, on touch interfaces, are more distant.

At first, MB thinks they're being paranoid, but it finds discrepancies in phrasing, indicating deletions in the warnings and the section on fauna. Everyone's pretty pissed off about it, and MB likes their openness with each other. It outlines their interpersonal relationships, and says they're very low-stress and restful to be around… just as long as they don't try to interact with it.

The team speculates on what biological niche the hostiles fill, but Pin-Lee brings them back to the important bit: who removed the subreport? She asks MB directly, can HubSystem be hacked? MB thinks how it hacked it easily from inside, to hide its hacked governor module, but from outside… it says it's possible, but more likely they were sent an incomplete report. Mensah assigns Pin-Lee and Gurathin to tracking that problem down, and asks if the other group on the planet, DeltFall, were given the same damaged report. MB checks with HubSystem, which says it's likely, but MB is skeptical of HubSystem's reliability. Aloud, it only says, "Probably".

Mensah gives instructions for the team, and MB asks if she needs it for anything else. Mensah says no, she'll call if they do, but… it could stay in the crew area if it wants.(4)

They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I’m out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.(5) Mensah sat up, startled. She said hurriedly, “Or not, you know, whatever you like.” I said, “I need to check the perimeter,” and managed to turn and leave the crew area in a totally normal way and not like I was fleeing from a bunch of giant hostiles

Back in the ready room, MB is upset that it gave away that it doesn't want to be around them. It worries, because it has too much to hide to make mistakes like that. A slip leaves the rest of its secrets less protected.

It decides to do some work instead of moping, and gets its spare armour to do the perimeter walk, check on the hoppers, double check the emergency supplies, everything it can think to do for its job parameters. Then, it goes into standby with some more Sanctuary Moon.

It's just fast-forwarding through a sex scene(6) when Mensah sends it some images. It's interested enough to pause and save its place. It hasn't really looked at the satellite maps, because it hasn't needed to, but now that Mensah's pointed it out, there are six huge swaths of the planet missing from their documentation.

MB is so grateful that Mensah did it all over the feed instead of insisting on in-person, it gives her its honest opinion: the package was cheap, and it's likely the pieces are missing for that reason, but the only way to know is go out for yourself and see if there's something worth seeing in the missing regions.

MB feels Mensah's attention pull back from the feed, so it tunes into the hub cameras to listen to the humans' discussion. They're all in favour of going to check it out. They've already had a conversation with DeltFall, who agreed to send the missing files, but MB knows how this is going to go, and that they don't know security like it does. It wants to go alone, but if its governor module were working, the failsafes would fry it if it went further than 100 meters away from all the clients, so it can't volunteer.

So when Mensah opened the feed again to tell me they were going, I told her security protocols suggested that I should go, too.(7)

=====

(1) I think this is a little too much protest, if you feel me. MB may not be the most reliable narrator of its relationships. It could have followed protocol and left Volescu in the crater in chapter 1, but it didn't. It could have been aggressive in getting him out, but it wasn't. It took the time to get his attention and, in a totally appropriate manner, distract and guide him out of it. (2) I wonder what MB's criteria are for "easy to work with". Following directions without question from a trained professional? Not complaining about things like the security lockdown while it regenerated? (3) Sound familiar? (4) Humans packbond even with the most unlikely of creatures. We packbonded with dogs and cats, and honestly, we've been packbonding even with the autofill chinese box text generators they're calling AI these days. Of COURSE they're going to want to treat MB like a person when they see that it's person-shaped. Mensah in particular recognized that MB didn't have to do as much for Volescu as it did, and I like to think she sees a spark of something in it. (5) Our dear MB, on the other hand, has little urge to be treated like a person, because that means interacting with people, which it has never been trained or encouraged to do outside the boundaries of its contractual requirements. (6) MB thinks it has no interest in sex scenes in media because it has no gender or sex-related parts, since that would make it a sexbot, not a murderbot. This has, however, led to more or less canon assertions that MB is just ace. This could be considered problematic in some senses, because real ace people are accused of being broken or lacking in some supposedly essential quality, just like MB literally lacks sexable genitals. Notwithstanding author bigotry I'm not aware of, I (occupying spots on the aro and ace spectra) am inclined to forgive the false equivalence because MB is a bot, and even with organic bits, it still has some drives and capabilities that seem inextricable from its constructive and semi-programmed nature. This is not to say anyone else has to feel the same way, or that this counts as any sort of representation because to me it really kinda doesn't even if MB is relatable in this way for some people including myself. This is just the space to put my thoughts as I read. (7) Do you think this is purely fulfilling its function, or does MB seem a little too eager to make sure these humans survive? (I'm in camp the latter if that's not clear, no matter what it says.)

[rainbowvamp]

2k into the dragon hatcher au, and I've given Hob the screen name "HobBobRob" because I thought it was funny.

Also, Morpheus is so full of angst it's disgusting what is wrong with him?

Also also. Plot that is not just "dreamling get together" is sneaking in here and I don't like it :(

Snippet below the cut:

There were two comments beneath the listing.

LupeG78: Dude, are you serious? Reported for spam.

HobBobRob: Haha, course he’s not serious. It’s probably for a role-play thing or something. Sounds like fun. Might check it out :)

HobBobRob had also sent him a private message. Morpheus didn’t have much hope for it, considering the comment, but sighed, took a bite of his dinner, and opened the message anyway.

Message from HobBobRob - 8:09pm Hey, that ad you’ve placed is Jobs is going to get you hurt. I would consider taking your address down. It looks like that’s a residential area and if that’s your actual house, giving out the address isn’t a good idea. 

Morpheus rolled his eyes at the message and responded just to be polite.

Message from OfTheEndless - 10:24 I have never had a problem before. I doubt it will be an issue now. You need not be concerned.

HobBobRob - 10:26 Yeah, well, between you and me, that sounds like a big fat sack of coincidence, and not something you should be depending on. Someone could literally google maps this and show up at your house in the middle of the night and rob you. Or kill you. Aren’t you scared?

It was almost touching to see this total stranger's concern. Where usually Dream would have ignored such a message, he responded again, feeling that it might bring him some amusement.

OfTheEndless - 10:27 Only the worthy would be able to find my domain, let alone enter it. I have no fear. I would never put my charges at such risk if I did. 

HobBobRob - 10:28  Way to commit to the bit, I guess, but I’m serious. This is not safe. I’m a total stranger, and I’m looking at your house on google earth right now. I can see your cat in the window.

Morpheus smirked to himself. He did not have a cat. He hadn’t had a cat since at least 1850. 

OfTheEndless - 10:31 I see. Well, if you’re so sure, come and find me then. 

HobBobRob - 10:31 Dude, what the fuck? You can’t just challenge people to come and find you. 

OfTheEndless - 10:33 I believe I just did. Speak friend and enter. 

HobBobRob - 10:35 There aren’t even dragons in the Lord of the Rings. You’re just having me on.

Morpheus smiled to himself. Food half forgotten, mostly being eaten out of pure rote habit than anything else. Every once in a while, people amused him.

OfTheEndless - 10:35 A dragon is the main antagonist of The Hobbit. Or did you only see the movie?

HobBobRob - 10:37 I’m serious. I’m going to come and show up at your house and if I do, I need you to take your address off the internet. I’m not interested in your weird role-play thing, and anyone who is can ask for your address somewhere private. 

OfTheEndless - 10:38 Please do. I’m sure you’ll prove me right. 

HobBobRob - 10:39 You’re insane. I mean, good for you, have fun, but you’re full batty. 

OfTheEndless - 10:41 May I remind you, you are the one of us promising to come to a stranger’s address in the middle of the night. 

HobBobRob - 10:42 If I show up, unworthy me, will you take your address down?

OfTheEndless - 10:43 If you make it through the door, I’ll delete the whole post. 

HobBobRob - 10:46 You’re on. 

[portypaper]

My 10 favorite things of 2022

10 - mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video

Sometime in 2018 I discovered the comedian/actor/writer Connor O'Malley's youtube channel filled with some of the best cringe comedy vidz I've ever seen. One of my favorites being "mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video" a pretty self explanatory video where O'Malley plays an angry McDonald's fan trying to fuck over Burger King and try to convince the customers to go to McDonalds. Around the time I discovered the video my friends had a little get together and I made sure to show everyone there the video, shit was just that good dude.

Unfortunately because there is this little scene where just a little bit of king of the hill porn is shown, I think it was hank hill wackin' his willy silly or some shit and because of that those FUCKERS at YouTube took it down, basically destroying the Mona Lisa of cringe videos. Now normally a video uploaded by a notable person getting deleted would be no big deal, it's like I was told as a kid "stuff on the internet lives forever" so I could probably just find a reupload of it on another site right? I ended up not being able to find any reuploads dailymotion, vimeo, or even porn sites.

Every few months something would come up that would remind me of this masterpiece and I'd start searching again, of course never finding anything except dead links, a single clip, and posts asking what happened to the video. That was until 4 months ago when I found this, some mad man actually had the full video and shared a full download. After 4 years I was finally able to watch one of my favorite cringe videos and brother it was even better than I remembered it being, if you're a fan of cringe stuff please do yourself a favor and watch it.

9 - Showa-Era Godzilla

As a teenager I started to notice a handful of people that I looked up to and thought were really cool mostly had a lot of the same interests, one of them being kaiju films. So sometime during Q1 of 2022 when I found out that almost every showa-era godzilla film was free to watch on YouTube I binged em with some of my friends.

Honestly the whole thing was a bit of a blur, like we were doing 2 or 3 a day for a week but I can say (with the exception of Son of Godzilla) they were all a really great time. If I had to choose a favorite I think Invasion of Astro-Monster takes it easy, small part because MF DOOM sampled it in the greatest opening track ever but, also because everything about the film is just so cheesy and charming, the costumes the sets just looking at it all makes me want to finally bite the bullet and make a cool low budget sci-fi movie.

I feel like I should explain the appeal of Godzilla since as an outsider I never really got it but I still feel new to being a fan and might not explain it the right way so I'll just say to check the films out yourself, aside from Invasion of Astro-Monster I also really fucked with Godzilla vs. Megalon and Terror Of Mechagodzilla. Godzilla vs. Megalon has Mr. Zilla himself teaming up with a neat lookin' robot Jet Jaguar and Terror Of Mechagodzilla has a great mixture of main character doing shit and big monsters fighting so nothing really feels like it drags on for too long.

8 - Norm Macdonald - Nothing Special

It's been too long since I watched it for me to really remember anything other than how much I enjoyed it so I'll just write down how I felt instead.

One thing I'm sure you've worried about is legacy, how you'll be remembered or if anyone will even care about your leaving. Something that really felt good about this comedy special was after the jokes were over we got a half an hour of Norm's comedy peers looking back at just what a funny and great person he was, a person who would hide his battle with cancer just so no one would worry. I don't really know what people think of me but I hope I end up being looked at the same way people look at Norm.

Oh also if you've never heard any of Norm Macdonald's comedy there are a whole lot of compilations of his stuff on YouTube, and also obviously this comedy special but I'm a bit unsure if this would be a good first watch since it's the last we'll ever get.

7 - King of Fighters XV

I've had a small problem with fighting games for the last 10 years, I love em but since I started getting into them there always felt like there was something off to where I couldn't fully click with one, like I could still enjoy the games I played like Street Fighter V or Tekken 7 but I just never felt like I got into a nice flow with them or if it was a game I clicked with it wouldn't last very long (R.I.P. MvCI)

Then late last year some friends were hyping up the next KoF game to me, I'd been burned in the past by taking one of their recommendations before so I wasn't super interested at the time then fast forward to February 2022 I was feelin pretty bored and decided to just say fuck it and buy King of Fighters XV and brother this shit just clicked instantly, the execution is a bit tighter than what I've gotten used to from modern fighting games but it all just feels so good I don't even mind when I accidently drop a combo. Oh my god and the characters fucking rule there is this one dude who has the Android 16 dunk and MvC ironman's unibeam. My favorite dude is the one who looks like a phone game icon and has a shit ton of grabs

This is easily the best fighting game of 2022, sadly the only bad thing about this game is the online matchmaking is pretty broken like the game plays like a slideshow with my friend who lives down the street but it plays perfectly with my friend who lives a few miles away. This game is a hardcore recommend if you're willing to risk the possibility of the online being dogshit with one of your friends.

6 - Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors and Zero

I've never really been a visual novel guy, the whole genre just felt like reading a book with extra steps. Then after trying to watch some stupid ass death game anime that just wasn't clicking I said fuck it I'll just play this to get my death game fix.

I actually tried to get into this game about 7 year ago? I remembered reading about it in Nintendo Power back in the day and decided to pick it up, unfortunately I tried playing it during a very stressful time and after playing the tutorial I put the game down intending to come back once things started to feel normal, anyways 7 years later I started up the PC port and had a lot of fun. The puzzles were clever and I had a great time trying to figure out if one of the characters were working behind the scenes of this death game.

I'd like to share more but I also really don't want to spoil this game so I'll just say "Snake" is the best character in the game :)

5 - Wolfenstein: The New Order

At the end of 2021 I was looking back at the games that releasing during the year and got really bummed, it really started to feel like games were just getting worse. Either stuff was coming out blatantly unfinished like Battlefield 2042 or It was just a flash in the pan game like Back 4 Blood or Halo Infinite that I couldn't even run on my little 1060. Games just started to feel so disposable and greedy, what was the point in installing the hot new thing when it took over a hundred gigs of space and wouldn't even last long enough to even be remembered? So at the start of 2022 I said fuck it I'm done with video games until I realized how boring life was so I said alright fuck it if the new shit sucks I'll just play the old shit.

I randomly decided to play Wolfenstein: The New Order and dawg this shit is one of the finest single player first person shooters I've played, everything about it was just so perfectly crafted. It's a game you can beat in a day and 100% in two, the guns and ammo is perfectly paced where I felt like I was always getting a fun new weapon to use on the nazis, and the story has just the right amount of silliness to keep my attention the whole time. If you felt the same way as I did at the start of the year please play it, or check out your backlog to find a gem like this.

4 - The Rehearsal

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and fix a mistake you've made? Well Nathan Fielder's The Rehearsal is sorta like that, Fielder being the absolute insane crazy person he is helps people rehearse things they're scared of doing, like in the first episode he meets a dude who lied about having a master's degree to his bar trivia friends and has him go through every possible scenario so he can confess to his one friend who he is certain will not take his lie well.

Some other stuff happens too, but this show left me fuckin' mouth agape in complete shock multiple times an episode and I don't want to spoil some of the absolute insane shit that happens in this show, so just trust me when I say this shit rules and you've gotta watch it, also watch Nathan for You if you haven't.

3 - Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Dawg, Edgerunners is the best animated project I watched in 2022. If you've watched it I don't need to say shit because you already know this shit rules, if you haven't watched it you should watch it. I think in the future when we look back at animation that dropped this decade we're gonna be remembering Edgerunners as one of the best of the 2020's. When I was watching there were just so many "holy shit this is so beautifully animated" moments, the story isn't anything super groundbreaking but god it's just so pretty and the characters are so charming.

2 - Pulp Fiction

Good Movie. Everything I want to say has been said by people way smarter than me so yeah, good movie is all that needs to be said from me.

1 - JPEGMAFIA

I'm no Fantano so I can't really properly explain what it is that made me love this dude's music so much but I randomly stumbled upon him in March and he's slowly been growing on me more and more til I eventually ended up just playing all his stuff on repeat for days without listening to anything else. Instead of going on and on I'll just list some of my favorite for you to check out.

BALD!

HAZARD DUTY PAY!

FREE THE FRAIL

THOT TACTICS

JESUS FORGIVE ME, I AM A THOT

I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT TIL MORRISEY DIES

1539 N. CALVERT

dude is just great and I wish I discovered him sooner.

Thanks for reading sorry if I explained myself poorly hopefully my writing will get better by doing this more alright I'm gonna go piss and play cyberpunk xoxoxo 😘😘

[little--ghost]

the more i think abt gijinka verse the more depressing it gets. someone get these children therapy right now

like. i think Azu was hit hard enough constantly living in fear of being thrown out at a moment’s notice, watching zir siblings get dragged away almost unprompted sometimes after they were deemed imperfect that zir mind just. deleted those memories. the trauma never went away, if ze went back to where the palace was ze’s going to have a horrid time

Clover Seems somewhat normal but i feel like its suffering from this distinct thing of “i cannot do anything, my actions dont matter” or just an inherent fear of. Everything? maybe? it was always kind of timid, but fear of action is a thing in general i think. being unable to do anything to stop the kingsmould dragging people away or it joins them too

though it had the luck of some emotional support from Hornet for a while at least

Azu, Clover and Ghost together is something of its own thing bc thinking about it. none of them knew how to deal w/emotions and it sucked watching someone have a breakdown or anything bc they just……… didn’t know? how to deal w/it? they didn’t know how to help so they’d just. Watch. but at least they tried with gifts, its probably part of why all of them have gift giving as a love language

but im still a little glad at least, that during the main run Ghost still could find some bit of comfort in places (the city square, even if it hurt them too seeing that statue) or. two people (Quirrel, rip, and Elderbug)

the rest of them eventually found at least One thing to appreciate in post, even if it took a while. and then it becomes a few more things

[the-corset-witch]

Obsidian.MD - 3 Vaults

As I've previously mentioned, I have split the melting pot of my Notion into 3-4 Vaults. These are my Book of Secrets, Dvalpersy, Gaming Vaults (Sims, Starbound).

Book of Secrets

This is the vault that I spend almost the most time in, besides the next one. I am currently having to tidy it up because the Notion Import was really messy. I am condensing the many pages that were built out of the Notion system of tables&databases creating pages upon pages into singular pages, or in some cases, just deleting them.

This is slowly creating a change in my Graph where it is becoming a bit more readable and easier to hover over the dots. It's also taking less stress off of the Local Graphs. Things I want to do include this:

Refine Notes Snippets from Past/2019-2023

Make Book pages uniform, scrape data from old posts to help compile clearer Book pages.

Expand Grimoire "leaves" so that branches can be built with connections to Books & other topics.

Templates! I want to go through all my journaling and look at the data I seem to most often focus on, and create Templates for each of these, and use Templater Plugin to automate the Note Placement based on Template Used.

But, I have managed to create and refine my Personal Timeline using the plugin April's Automatic Timelines. This plugin has made it very easy to create one massive giant timeline of all the major "plot points" of my life, and then to go in and also create smaller more nuanced timelines of relationships, patterns in jobs and such. It's easy to get lost in this plugin and in my own personal history. It was a bit wonky at first, but after fixing the Date Format, it worked fine!

Dvalpersy

This is where I may spend more time, to be honest, because this is my Writing Vault for the world I am building. There are far more plugins on this vault, it has its own custom 21-month Calendar with 723 Days, and April's Automatic Timelines also help keep all the events that add to the WorldBuilding Lore organized. I have some main folders, History & Lore, Population, World, and Writings.

I am currently emailing back and forth to figure out why the Longform plugin isn't formatting it's Index for me correctly, I really don't understand what's going on there, but all the other plugins I use seem to be working completely fine!

I use a lot of Canvases in this Vault, which is very neat, but some people chose to use Excalidraw. I've been thinking about it because aesthetically it looks rad as hell.

I have built a considerable amount of templates here that I will probably be borrowing from in order to help create templates for my BoS Vault.

Gaming Vaults

I used to use Notion to keep my Rules & Excel or Google to keep the data on my Sims, but I am attempting to do that in one app here with Obsidian. Granted, I haven't used it much for Sims. What I did end up using it for was Starbound.

It all started with creating my Captain's Page, and then each planet she visited began getting a page and small stories began to build, and soon it was almost like a strange wikipedia of her adventures. It has me wanting to completely scrub out my Starbound data and start fresh, because multiple characters/captains could each have a separate page and their adventures could almost never touch-- unless, by chance, they did find the same planet. And the Universe, that stays the same on your PC with Starbound, or so I read, so this actually has me quite fascinated with the capabilities.

The plugins on these tend to be really basic, and usually I lean on the ITS theme for these Vaults as well.

[nidailylife]

8.13.2023. I feel like i keep venting too much on my main blog, forgetting i have this sideblog.

My main blog is supposed to be about fandom stuff. ...Unfortunately, a lot of my meltdowns and mental crisises are about famdom stuff. (I dont have too much else in my life. Too much social anxiety.) I must be scaring people on my fandom blog. No wonder even some of my favorite arists blocked me. 😥

Maybe i just need to get back to journaling offline. But it can be a hassel to boot up my computer. And once i turn it on, i often forget to turn it off. It's going to wear out too soon. Sometimes it's just easier to write on Tumblr. It's been so much more dependable than other apps I've tried in the past. Apps that lost everything when my phone died. Like all those notes i took of my symptoms when the pandemic first started. I wish i could still reference those. So many habit trackers that just got bugs and messed up my notes too. Tumblr is just more reliable. And it's not like I'm followed by non-bots anyway (except for maybe like 2 or 4 people). Maybe i should just have a private Tumblr for my journalling and venting. But i never remember the passwords for private sideblogs. And writing my hand is unsustainable for me. There's always too much i want to write and not enough stamina in my hands.

Anyway, i got really annoyed over a fictional character, almost for the entirity of yesterday. I dont want to delete my ranting posts, because those are important personal fandom records for me. But it's also pretty ridiculous, embarassing, and unnecessarily hostile. But you cant Archive tag search private posts. So i went back and hid all my ranting posts under cuts. I just hope leaving my rants posted publically doesn't make me the infamous crazy fangirl they talk about behind my back or on other platforms. ...But it's alwaysba possibikity because I AM a crazy fangirl.

I just feel so stuck as an artist, when all i want to draw and make merch for is my OTP...but Ive probably destroyed my reputation in the fandom. I can't be confident about opening an online shop or selling stickers or especially networking and advertising my art/merch, when i know the fandom i make art for, probably hates me, ON TOP of my illustration skills being objectively bad. But "small business artist" is my only career/financial option right now. And I'm destroying it by expressing my fandom.

The other day, someone poated a list of things to do to have a good reputation online, for small business artists, or maybe it was for people in general. One point was to not post opinions about anything (especially political). I'm a human being. Is that really possible to do?

I keep thinking about rebranding, separating my past fangirl self from my art business. But i hit a wall when i realized almost all my art is attached to my fandoms. Even if i changed my online name brand, it'd be too easy to anyone to find my art also on my art blog or fangirling blog, then realize i eas that crazy fangirl with a ruined reputation. How can i feel confident, sinking hundreds of dillars, making merch out of my fanart, and then advertising it to the corresponding fandom communities, when even a rebrand may not save me. I used to be so hopeful that a rebrand could free me from all my worries. But if you need to advertise your art, it's too easy to use that very art to track my old identity. I really feel trapped and stuck, and unable to move.

...But i guess that's usual with my frequently catastrophizing brain. I still dont know what to do tho. Im still too afraid to open that online shop or advertise my merch.

I think about rebranding to only my original art, cut ties with fandom when it comes to my small art business. But I've watched too many marketing vids to know that not piggybacking off a preexisting community, is the opposite of smart. ...but ive ruined my rep with them...i think...

Just feeling trapped. Paralyzed. Too afraid.

And journalling on Tumblr. Tho even that is stressing me out, in a way, too, i guess.

[rainofthetwilight]

*suddenly appears back to this post*

hey guys, wanna know some facts about this au??

*cricket chirping*

OKAY LETS GO!!!!

I created jenna and ethan in 2020 with my friend, london, which means we've had them for three years now!! (me and london met on youtube just a bit before season 13 was out, how the hell did we meet on yt? from a jaya video lmao [we were both absolutely obsessed with jaya those times especially], we kept chatting to eachother in the replies of her comment till she asked if we could talk more) and as you'd expect their story was much more different! and their designs, of course, but they don't differ so much actually

speaking of designs, jenna used to be a ginger just like jay and both she and ethan had blue eyes (from jay), but then she was made a brunette and both of the kids were still given jay's eyes, but instead of jenna having blue too she has gold/amber (jay has gold and blue eyes in our hc) none of them got nya's brown eyes :((

jenna and ethan's first concepts weren't them born in the seasons, they were just the future masters of water and lightning until I brought the idea up! now it's basically our main lmao

jenna was actually going to be an only child, but then we suddenly made ethan and his name was almost noah or something along the lines I think– BUT their middle names were always the same, they never changed even after 3 years

they have cousins!! will not be revealed (yet, but two of said cousins are twinsies [with a little bro] :DD)

I only ever posted once abt this au before I made my first actual post abt them this year in august (bro..august??), it was art that I posted last year I think??? uhh I don't know, but it was v late 2022-early 2023 I think (I'll probably edit this if I find out I'm wrong lmao, I still have the drawing btw), but I quickly deleted the post a while after for some reason

that part where it says jenna named baby ethan? that's completely based off of my dad and my aunt lmao, she saw him as a baby and then kept shouting his name repeatedly, so my grandparents decided to name him that bc they liked it

lil jenna's signature hairstyle was always pigtails, and ethan used to have actual bangs instead of some fringes

so there ya have it, might add more to the tags once I remember more :))

AND FINALLY HERE IS A SMALL MASTERPOST FOR THE HELLSPAWN WALKER SIBLINGS!!

I present to you, Jenna and Ethan :DD

(also since you asked to be tagged, @alizibtheterrible)

(pssst, here are the ref sheets for these kiddos)

-

before I get into anything, here are my timelines in this AU:

2 years between moto and season 11, atleast 5 months between s11 and s12, 5 more months between s12 and s13, 4 months between s13 and the island, a month between the island and s15, canonically a year between s15 and crystallized, 2 years between crystallized and the merge, 5 years between the merge and the events of DR

and jenna and ethan's ages during these times:

jenna: a year old during s11, almost two years old during s13, turned three a while after nya left, four during crystallized, six when the merge happened, and 11 in current time

ethan: a year old when the merge happened, and 6 in current time

I..know it's probably confusing, but I can attempt to explain more if you don't understand!

my fic for these two is currently being rewritten!!

and now, time to ramble abt the kids!! (warning, VERY long)

their full names are: Jenna Edna Lilly Walker and Ethan Ed Raymond Walker (you can guess who was named after who)

jenna was born just a year after moto, and ethan was born also a year after crystallized!

and from that, the age difference between them is 5 years

jenna inherits jay's powers, and ethan inherits nya's

ethan has ADHD and lacks good social skills due to being surrounded by only 2 people for most of his childhood, while jenna has anxiety, trust issues and some slight ptsd

oh and I can't forget to sprinkle the t r a u m a on them both

they have a good dynamic and bicker normally like siblings always do, but jenna sometimes needs to have her alone time and hates when anyone bothers her so she can snap at any time

while ethan is sensitive and cant control himself, especially if he sees someone distressed, but if he himself is the distressed one either no one should even come near him or he needs a genuiene hug or encouraging words from someone

I'm not sure when jenna will get her powers and will get her true potential, but until I figure it out, she gets her potential when she saw a certain someone in danger (kinda placeholder!!)

she didnt have control of her powers much at first, but would soon learn its abilities

and when ethan gets his powers, it doesn't go smoothly at all due to nya having been turned into the sea, so all the sudden power is..quite a painful experience without control

his true potential? realizing his worth and saving his sister from danger

I don't have exact birthdays for them yet, but the placeholders for now are may 23rd (jenna) and october 8th (ethan)

when they got a bit older, jenna decided to dye some streaks of her hair blue (and one time had a pixie cut), ethan didn't take any creative liberties with his hair but would sometimes style it when he's bored

jenna was named by jay, and while nya had wanted lilly she didnt mind and just she told him ''as long as you don't name her nya junior I won't throw you off a building"

lilly in the end was just given as a middle name

want a fun fact? jenna was the one that named ethan, the moment she saw him in his little blanket she just kept shouting "ethan! ethan!"

jenna always had a love for mechanism, while ethan would break a tv just by staring at it

tbf he does kind of have an intrest, but he finds it boring and just likes how it looks

and jenna has a HUGE obsession for drawing and painting, while ethan likes cooking and is declared 'the gordon ramsey of the walkers* by jenna lmao

Jenna: dude please just open your own restuarant at this point Ethan: for the love of the fucking fsm Jenna-

jenna's special nickname is JJ! long story short, it was at first a shortened version of 'jay junior' that was actually a joke but then it became her actual nickname lmao

jenna is aroace and will go by she/they in the future, while ethan goes by he/him and will come out as bi!

jenna was attached to both her parents but felt closer to nya, especially after seabound

she'd watch her and jay in the sam x cave for ages

never remembering nya nor jay, ethan was wary of nya at first and tried to stay close to jenna but the moment she hugged him? he felt safe and knew it was right (shoot I'm kinda spoiling the reunion uhh)

jenna says she has no favourite uncle, but it's secretly cole and only he knows that

and she bullies kai, even when she's not ordered to do so by jay 👌

she does have a good bond with all of them tho!

jenna, in dragons rising, is 5'0 and will stay that height for a while until she hits a sudden growth spurt at 13 and is literally 5'6

and she'd be 5'9 at 16

happens with ethan aswell, he's only 6 so he's about 3'8 which is average for his age, but he'll keep growing taller and taller and he stops growing once he reached 5'8

The Forest Of Walkers(tm) as a moot of mine once quoted (we both hc jay to be very tall, finn I am looking at you)

and yes, that small part of the drawing of them walking is them in the future, I have no exact design yet and just wanted to throw that in bc of the free space lmao (I will post their future designs tho trust)

fun fact: when me and my friend were still planning what jenna and ethan would be doing after the merge, instead of staying with lloyd they had ended up with sora and arin

in this au, maya and ray are a tad closer to nya than they are in the actual show, they visit regularly to check on her, jay and jenna (soon ethan aswell)

both them and ed and edna SPOIL HER TO DEATH. they'd gladly take jenna any day

..which actually happened, seabound stuff :")

from the way all the ninja grieved, it was extremely lonely for a 3 almost 4 year old kid, especially with how everything happened so suddenly and how she can't yet process grief well, she only had cole who'd stay with her alot when she wasn't at her grandparents

even at their places it felt gloomy, but she loved to distract herself when she'd be in the junkyard by helping ed collect scraps and build with him (when her love of mechanism began)

and she loved to take walks with maya or ray at ignacia, or watch ray blacksmithing

it calmed her down a bit, but she knew something was still missing

crystallized was..not the best experience either

because of spoilers and still planning out some more stuff, time to jump to post-crystallized

jenna grew much closer to nya, and had went to school 2 months after ethan was born!

she started in first grade, and was chaotic as fuck

she beat a kid in her class once just because he didnt like her drawings, obviously did not end well but she won and she was proud af 😎

during the timeskip after the merge, when ethan hit 4, lloyd would do some sort of homeschooling for him since he and jenna never left the monastery

Lloyd: okay, what's 5+6?

Ethan: 10!

Lloyd, trying not explode because he was so close:

I have so much more, but this is getting long af and I'm tired lmao

for my moots that are in the combined au, feel free to ramble in the tags aswell if u want to btw!! I wish I could too but I don't have the fuckin energy :'))

I may add on once I have the time and energy in the notes (or another post), but for now here's some info abt these hellspawns :"DD

[demadogs]

are there any particular byler moments/scenes you’d really like to see in s4? bonus points if you share any snippets of the dialogue that i’m sure you’ve already envisioned skksksks

hmm ive posted this before so im sorry if youve seen it already and were hoping for something new but i really like this first kiss idea i thought of. i first posted this on my main before i made this sideblog and then i deleted all my stranger things posts over there after reblogging them here so im gonna copy and paste it.

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concept: mikes been flipping out the whole season realizing hes gay and in love with will. hes really anxious around him now. will’s picked up on it and finally confronts him about it and makes mike talk to him. mike tries to just come out but then he looks at will and instead he asks him if theres anything that he could ever do that would make will drop him as a friend. will’s confused and immediately goes to say no but then mike interrupts him and is like “no really think about it. is there anything at all that i could do to you that would make you never want to talk to me again?” will takes a second before he responds and eventually he says something like “no why would you even ask-” and then mike just kisses him before he finishes the sentence.

and THEN before will could even say anything after mike pulls away, a demogorgon or evil russians or some other end of the world shit goes down and they have to deal with almost dying for a while before they even get a chance to talk about it.

i also really like the idea of their first emotional or soft moment where they let go of the angst thats been building this season happening while theyre alone and hiding from whatever conflict the california gang is running from. like there could be absolute chaos the whole episode and then just mike and will find a hiding spot and they finally have their soft moment and admit their feelings somehow. and then theyre found and it immediately goes back to chaos. but now as they run away theyre probably holding hands. mostly for the sake of sticking together and getting out of the danger but also cuz theyve established how gay they are.