#i actually thought i had adhd but when i got assessed for adhd and autism i was only diagnosed with autism

[concerto-roblox]

question: do neurotypical people usually get excited over head cannoning characters as autistic?

...asking for a friend

hmm... well it's not inconceivable!! i get excited over people's headcanons that aren't part of my identity (e.g. trans, ace, disabilities other than autistic) because i like it when people in my community are having fun/representing themselves. obvs i'm not an authority and there's no set 'autistics do this/neurotypicals don't do this' rules in life BUT if headcanoning a character as autistic brings you a lot of joy/comfort there may be some underlying reasons for that you might want to look in to <3

[copperbadge]

So the ADHD Handbook post struck a chord with a lot of people...

I don't think I have it in me to write the book I suggested, mainly because most of what I want to write about is variable by situation. I can't actually offer a magic formula for getting a good assessment, all I would be able to do is say "Here are the warning signs, here's my personal story, shit's just rough". Which I could do but it'd be basically an entire book of "shrug emoji". The best possible way would probably be to offer it as a workbook, like "Here is a page for you to record every communication with the clinic doing your testing. Here is a page for you to write down possible other approaches to getting your medication if the pharmacy is out." etc.

I do think I might write it as a novel of some kind. Possibly even a novel about someone writing a handbook, I haven't decided. I had a dream last night about the book, in which I saw a woman watching a revolution taking place in the distance, thinking, "This is not what I intended when I set out to write a self-help book." Baller way to start a novel, honestly.

Anyway there were several suggestions for books in the notes, so I thought I'd compile those here. I have read none of these, so I can't vouch for their contents, but I'm including what my readers said about them.

@blogquantumreality linked to How To ADHD by Jessica McCabe, who is a well-known ADHD youtuber (I haven't found her videos super helpful but they're also not aimed at me). @knitsinweirdplaces added "The last section of the How to ADHD book is literally called 'how to change the world' and exactly points out we can advocate for a more disability friendly world that traumatizes ADHDer less in the first place. It's the only book I've read that hits the balance of 'your brain has immutable challenges' and 'these strats may help' right. Bonus, it is inclusive of people who use adhd meds and those who don't/can't."

@theindefinitearticle mentioned "I read how to keep house while drowning recently and it's been much more practical for me in terms of actual usable advice." This book has also come up numerous times during National Clean Your Home Month as a helpful guide to cleaning.

@buginateacup said "The year I met my brain is the only one I've read that actually felt like it was making useful suggestions for living with ADHD."

@cabloom said "iampayingattention on Instagram wrote How Not To Fit In."

@grison-in-space said "Do you have any idea how over the top excited I was when I found I Overcame My Autism and All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder?"

@doubleminorforroughing wrote "Please read Devon Price. He wants to tear it all down and I love it." I will add that I don't think I've read Laziness Does Not Exist but I have read Price's shortform work extensively and I think he's been very influential in rethinking how we frame laziness and productivity in relation to both work and neurodivergence, so I can second the recommendation.

[shrimpathizer]

this is just a theory (i haven't looked into this bit that much) but I feel like the reason that misinformation is so wildly rampant in online communities about ADHD (probably also autism) is in part because of how inaccessible actual professional information about it is.

Like, I remember before I got my diagnosis (what started off this whole thing a while back), I was looking at the CDC website description of symptoms of ADHD with my mom and. If you thought you were neurodivergent and were looking at this thing trying to see if you should get tested, its basically saying "screw you. you're either a child who is going to be here because of their parents, or an adult who is also here because of another neurotypical."

one of the criteria was literally "is often 'on the go' acting as if 'driven by a motor.'" that means absolutely nothing. you are using undefined expressions to explain something to someone who historically is not good at understanding unexplained social norms (such as expressions).

plus, its incredibly subjective. "on the go" could mean something wildly different for one person then the next. and "often" could mean "all the time every day" or "only at school" or even "every other week." not to mention the memory issues that at least a lot of the people who I know with ADHD struggle with.

someone who might have ADHD has no way of knowing if they "often have trouble organizing tasks and activities" or if that is a normal amount. there is no way for them to easily know if they "often do not seem to listen when spoken to directly."

so it seems obvious to me, that they would turn to other people with ADHD. and the easiest place to find them these days is online. thats how I started wondering if I should get diagnosed. they're probably trying to find some other way to understand or know. and since its social media and social media is rampant with misinformation, of course they are going to be fed misinformation.

people are going to tell them "you see this weird thing that you do? I do that too. and its actually because of this much larger thing. trust me." and people will. because there really isn't much of another place for them to turn. they are going to self-diagnose with every disorder under the sun to make themselves feel at home and feel like they aren't weird or wrong.

maybe i'm way off here but I think that if you want people (teens in particular) to stop turning to social media for comfort and information, you should give them other resources that are accessible. that they don't have to pay to see, that they can understand clearly, that acknowledges all the weird things that they feel bad about.

and sort of as a side note: i remember in elementary school, early on (this might have just been my school/city/state), the school set up one of those mobile classrooms on the yard and would pull kids out for like a good couple months to do eye exams. because we've normalized that kids also have eye problems and thats normal. and maybe, could we also get a small little assessment. just to see if we can find neurodivergent kids early on and get them help so that they don't suffer for years and years.

and i'm not talking as someone who has had it hard. i have had it so easy compared to so many others. i have supportive parents and get good grades, and yet, i am constantly burnt out. i constantly feel horrible. not just because of depression. maybe i'm being too radical here but i feel like i shouldn't need a 504 plan to say that if i'm having a panic attack i can leave the room. that if i'm having trouble focusing i can go to the library or somewhere else. that i can get extensions on due dates. that i can see a copy of the notes or lesson for reference. i don't know maybe i'm just incredibly radical that i think people shouldn't have to be expected to work four times as hard to get anything done and then get blamed when they don't live up to the expectation. whether or not they are neurodivergent.

[detentiontrack]

why werent you diagnosed with autism when u were a kid? it sounds like you were VERY autistic (in the kindest way possible)

I don’t take offense to this! /gen. Yes I am very autistic!!!

So first of all, around the time my mom started to suspect I’m autistic, I was 3-5 and it was 2008-2010. So autism in AFABs/female presenting people wasn’t very talked about at the time at all.

Second of all, I am considered “smart”. I don’t believe in the IQ system, but when I got my IQ assessment my IQ came back at around 140. So I don’t have an intellectual disability and I wasn’t struggling in school, so it wasn’t considered much of an “”issue””. I was actually very ahead for my age. I started reading at 3, and by the time I was in kindergarten, I was doing a middle school+ curriculum.

Third of all, I was homeschooled until I was 14. I went to occasional homeschool classes with other kids, but for the most part I was only interacting with adults. So my social deficits weren’t observed frequently.

Fourth of all, my little brother (2.5 years younger than me) got diagnosed with autism very early on, and he has an intellectual disability. He’s considered “higher support needs” than me (the term he was diagnosed with was moderate-low functioning but I hate functioning labels so fuck that) so he got more attention paid to his symptoms, and doctors thought that I was “copying” his symptoms??? Even though I had them before he was born??? And I have a completely different presentation than him???? I also think he got diagnosed sooner because he was born as a boy…… (I don’t hold any anger or resentment towards him because of this. It’s not his fault /gen)

Fifth of all, my mom actually wanted to get me evaluated for autism and ADHD when I was 5 because she noticed all my sensory issues, social deficits, special interests, hyperlexia/high IQ, literal thinking, need for routine, rigidity, etc. But my bio dad, who we lived with at the time “”didn’t want another autistic child”” so he refused to let my mom get me evaluated. I most likely would have gotten diagnosed when I was 5 if I had been evaluated, because back then I wasn’t masking at ALL.

[neanderthyall]

Ok i would normally wouldn't seek advice on the internet but i have a problem and could use some help (especially from neurodivergent people):

Earlier this year I got assessed for adhd and autism (and got diagnosed with both this week). The problem i have is with the actual assessment. Going in, i was pretty convinced i didn't have either and decided to not get assessed for autism because i didn't want to spend the money to get assessed when i felt the odds were slim. The psychologist forgot I asked for it to be cancelled and still carried out the assessment (which I'll touch on later). When I asked about the cost with the dropped assessment (after i had paid), she realized her mistake and apologized, and is now offering to rescind the autism/asd diagnosis and refund me.

Now, I wasn't unhappy to recieve the asd diagnosis, but i was conflicted because the actual assessment was just a few of those online test things and then a two page questionnaire, which i felt was not very thorough, especially since I had very mixed thoughts/feelings about my own behaviours/ASD symptoms. There was no in person interview or discussion. Before the psychologist realized her mistake, i was fine with with the diagnosis because i thought it was an informal thing to sus out any red flags/potential symptoms. I was originally planning on getting a second opinion in the future once i get a job with insurance. But now knowing that it was an official assessment, I don't know if i should take the refund/rescindtion because, on one hand, it still means something to me to have that diagnosis even if its not as thorough as I'd like, but on the other, if I don't take the refund, I'm basically paying a lot of money to still not feel like I've actually been diagnosed properly.

If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, it would be greatly appreciated! (I also recognize the irony of being a woman who gets diagnosed with autism when she thinks she's allistic when there's so many autistic women/nb people struggling to get an official diagnosis - i hope y'all get the support you need as well!)

[beaisdifferent]

ADHD: How Did I know?

About a year ago now, I was in my kitchen with my then boyfriend.  I don’t remember what we were talking about as I cooked dinner, just that we were talking as we always did, with me jumping between points of conversation that were very obviously connected for me, but that he needed a roadmap to follow. 

Eventually he stopped me.  “Have you ever considered you have ADHD?”

I laughed and brushed him off.  Obviously I didn’t have ADHD.  I could sometimes sit still doing the same thing for hours.  In fact sometimes it was like I couldn’t do anything else!  And I got good grades in school.  So obviously I didn’t have ADHD.

Those two factors were literally my only defense against the idea.  If anything, it was probably just my probably-autism.  Later that week I brought the conversation up with my therapist, probably rolling my eyes like I knew what I was talking about.  She frowned thoughtfully, and I watched her think back on all our sessions.  Pshh, come on.  I could hear my father in the back of my mind, everyone has ADHD these days, nobody had it when I was a kid, maybe they need a good spanking to sit still, its just a way to make money by drugging up kids.  Then her voice cut overtop my dad’s.  “We should look into this.”  She sent me a few forms, pre-assessment questionnaires to determine if getting officially tested would be worth it.

I read the questions for ADHD.

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

UH OH.

It’s all very me.

It had already figured I had autism spectrum disorder for a while, did I actually have ADHD?  Did I have both?  Was that even possible?

It had me nervous and curious, so I went deep diving.  I read on the experiences of people with ADHD, particularly adult women, and found discomforting relatability.  Then it became comforting relatability.  Could it be that all these things I hate about myself are actually symptoms of some funky wiring in my brain rather than personality flaws?  I also learned that while the topic is still being researched (thank goodness, don’t ever let the research stop), it is very possible to have both ADHD and autism.  It’s not even that uncommon.

So, I went and officially got tested, and received Autism and ADHD stamp of authenticity.

I was a month away from turning twenty-four, finally given an answer an answer to a lifetime of questions.  Questions I had stopped asking.  Questions like, why is it so hard to make friends?  Why can’t I remember to do simple things?  Why does life seem so overwhelming for me when everyone else seems to manage it just fine?  Why do my emotions feel so overwhelming and uncontrollable.  Why do I feel paralyzed in the face of things I know I can do?  I had accepted the answer I was given by people who didn’t know any better than I did.  I was lazy, clearly didn’t care, was just anxious, etc., etc., bullshit.

I’ve spent a lot of time this year looking back on my life, reframing things with this new understanding.  I had a label, I had an answer, I had a community.  I was neurodivergent.  I connected with a friend with ADHD and found we had even more in common than I thought we did.  So many things that had been a target of self-loathing for me were now a target of understanding, things that could be helped with the right supports in place.

It changed everything.  And it has continued to change everything.  And that super smart boyfriend became my super smart husband a few weeks ago, so the changes have been for the better.

Visit my blog at beaisdifferent.wordpress.com for a neurodivergent perspective every Tuesday at 9:00 am EST.

[3d-wifey]

are you actually autistic?

I don't know how i missed this, but yes. I've been diagnosed with autism for like seven months now, late ass diagnosis. My mental health journey is so fucking wacky.

(WARNING: I'm very open about my experience and what I have)

So, for context, I moved 12 hours away from home for college. I came in as a biology major on the premed track and a theater minor (with absolutely no background in theater, should've been the first sign), made a great friend group where not a single one of them is neurotypical. One of them was diagnosed with autism as a kid an they were convinced that i was also autistic, the thought never occurred to me and i was like "nahhhh". So premed beast my ass and apparently, I was incredibly manic the entire semester basically.

A bad depression hits around october and in november, I made a psychiatry appointment to get a depression screening. I come out that bitch with clinical depression, adhd, generalized anxiety, insomnia, vitamin deficiency, and a mood disorder she believed to be bipolar disorder but didn't feel comfortable saying bc I wasn't manic when i met her???? Any way, she dignosises me, doesn't explain what any of it means, prescribed me wellbutrin for depression and adhd, prenatals for my vitamin deficiencies, and an antipsychotic that i was lead to believe was for my insomnia. Problem is, the wellbutrin handles the depression, but the mania handles it quicker.

Now i'm on stimulants which stimulate the mania, which means when I don't wanna sleep (often) I just didn't take the antipsychotic. If you know anything about mood stabilizers, you know the mood can't be stabilized if you're taking them on and off. When you're bipolar, you'll more than likely love being manic bc you feel great and you can get so much done and it's soooo much better than being depressed so you won't think anything is wrong with you.

A miracle happens and I quite the med track. At this point, I had already dropped the theater minor and picked up creative writing instead and moved from bio to psych as a major. My biggest stressor is now gone and I actually start listening to my friends about taking the anti psychotics regularly. I get put on adderall and then I enter my sophomore year. At the behest of my horrible psychiatrist and therapist who told me she only really know show to handle neurotypical patients (????) and they both tell me I should get an autism assessment. I get one and he basically looks at me and is like "ohhhh yeah, you got that shit."

I randomly get dropped by my therapist, i drop my horrible psychiatrist, and get a therapist that's equipped to handle a patient with autism (thank God). At this point, I'm very weary about claiming anything I don't know for a fact that I have. I get a new Psychiatrist and a second opinion and she's like "yeahhh, you got that shit" (shit being bipolar disorder).

Now it's the end of my sophomore spring semester. That's it.

[nerdnag]

Hi! I really love your writing and art. You seem like a super awesome person!

I have a probably way too personal question below, so obviously feel free not to answer if you don't feel like it.

I'm in the beginning of the (long, expensive, scary, full of waiting) process of seeking a diagnosis as an adult for whatever my flavor of neurodivergance turns out to be (or not be). If you are comfortable answering, could I ask if you have experience in the diagnosis process (for autism or ADHD)? I'm really nervous about it, and hearing other people's experiences sometimes helps me emotionally prepare.

Sorry for the long ask, and please do not feel obligated to answer at all!

Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words 💕🙏

I'd love to talk about my experiences with seeking a diagnosis! I have had my autism diagnosis for 6 years and my ADHD diagnosis for 6 months, meaning I got both of them as an adult. I'm from Sweden so the process may differ somewhat from other countries, but I can share how it was for me at least.

(This turned into a massive post, so I'll leave it under a cut.)

The path to the two diagnoses were somewhat different for me. For the first one, i.e. autism, I was referred by a therapist I'd been going to for stress-related issues. She happened to specialize in young women with autism and ADHD and saw similar signs in me, so after maybe five or six appointments, she asked if I would be OK with her referring me for an assessment. I was pretty shocked at first, because I'd never even had the thought that I might be autistic, but when she told me more it seemed immediately likely, so I asked her to refer me.

I don't remember exactly how long it took after that, but maybe a couple of months later I was scheduled for an initial phone interview with a therapist for a first brief evaluation of whether or not I should get an assessment. During this interview they asked me to tell them about various parts of my everyday life and how my symptoms had impacted me throughout my life. I also received some forms in the mail to fill in, with lots of questions about my symptoms (standardised tests basically, which they would later refer to during the assessment). A week later or so I was informed that they would go ahead with the assessment and that I'd been placed in line to get one.

I had to wait for over a year until the actual assessment, during which I read up on autism a lot in my own time. The more I read, the more likely it seemed, but I didn't dare to hope too much in case I wouldn't actually get a diagnosis - I was cautiously hopeful. After all, even though I hadn't suspected autism before, that didn't mean I hadn't struggled a lot throughout my entire life. Getting answers would be such a relief.

So when a year had passed, I was super excited to get my first appointment for the assessment. (The very first appointment turned out to be a very negative experience, because I was forced to go through a monitored drug test, which I experienced as very violating and which I've later learned is actually illegal. I won't go into details here though since it doesn't really concern the assessment itself, but if anyone's curious I can talk more about it.)

The assessment itself consisted of a handful of appointments with a psychologist. The first appointment, we talked through my entire life from birth until the present day. This included questions about my mother's pregnancy too, as well as a lot of questions about how I acted as a child and what I struggled with throughout my life. (Needless to say, I was exhausted for the rest of that day. But my psychologist was very kind and good at asking questions.)

The following appointments, they performed some tests on me, like various IQ tests, in order to rule out other possible disorders, and we also talked more in depth about how my symptoms impact my everyday life. Also, the psychologist interviewed both my mother and my partner, without me present. I don't remember a lot of details, but as I recall, there wasn't ever really a question of whether or not I would get a diagnosis, although I was very nervous during the last appointment that they would not give me one. What I appreciate is that they offered me the diagnosis rather than simply declared it, meaning I could argue against their reasoning and also refuse the diagnosis itself if I didn't want it. But of course, I had been hoping for one, so I was very happy.

After that I got an appointment at the autism center in my city, where they offer various courses, groups and other kinds of support. All in all my experience with the assessment was mostly pleasant, and they were very kind to me thoroughout the process (excepting the drug test).

As for my path towards an ADHD assessment, it was a bit more turbulent.

The therapist that had referred me years earlier had actually written that she saw signs of both autism and ADHD in me, but for some reason, the psychologist who did the actual assessment discarded the idea of ADHD during the very first minutes of my first appointment. However, as the years passed, I felt that autism did not explain all the struggles I had, and so I started thinking that there might still be things uncovered. For example, I realized that my tendency to jump from subject to subject both in my thoughts and aloud and thus struggle not to interrupt others and to remember things, as well as my constant ticks like ripping off finger nails, chewing the inside of my cheek or twirling my hair almost obsessively weren't very well explained by the autism diagnosis.

I read up a lot on ADHD and realized that the symptoms of autism and ADHD can sometimes conceal each other, and I also talked to some people I knew who either had an ADHD diagnosis themselves or were in the process of getting one. I could relate to a lot of their issues. Problem was, none of them seemed to see the same thing I did in me, and they came with kind of strange arguments for why they didn't think I could have ADHD. I wasn't very confident at that point, so I didn't try to get a referral immediately.

In January of 2021 though, I had finally pumped myself up to call a health advisor through my work insurance, because I knew a friend of mine had gotten her assessment quickly through that very insurance. However, I had apparently called a week too late, because they'd removed that option from the insurance as of Jan 1st. I was so discouraged by this that I basically just trashed the entire idea for a while, until later that same year.

In November of 2021, I had the chance to see a psychology student at the autism center about some anxiety issues I had. At the end of a session, I mentioned to her that I thought I might have ADHD. So the next session, she gave me some forms to fill in (more standardised tests). She looked them through and handed them over to her supervisor - but her supervisor didn't think there were enough signs of ADHD for a referral. Once again, I was extremely discouraged. It felt so strange that I could see all these symptoms so clearly yet no one else seemed to believe me. I was offered a meeting with her supervisor if I wanted to ask questions about her decision, but I said no because I was just so devastated.

I remember coming home to my partner and telling him about it, and how he encouraged me to take the offer and talk to the supervisor. It took quite a bit of pep talk on his part, but finally I agreed that I shouldn't give up just yet. So the next session, I asked to speak to the supervisor.

The supervisor, who was an expert in autism but not so much in ADHD, was very kind and attentive as I explained to her why I thought I might have ADHD. She in turn told me that the results on the tests I had filled in were not very strong indicators, but that the things I told her during our meeting now had changed her mind - she did see the possibility that I might have ADHD, and she was willing to refer me.

I was so incredibly relieved, and of course I thanked her and said that I would love to get a referral. (I think I could have sent in a referral of my own, but it always weighs heavier if it comes from a therapist/psychologist etc.)

So she referred me, and just like with the autism assessment process, I had an initial phone interview. However, this time, the person I spoke to had already decided to place me in line for an assessment, and simply wanted to talk to me to get an idea of what I struggled with in my everyday life.

Next, I waited...

And waited...

And waited.

Every time I received official mail from the municipality, both my partner and I held our breaths as I opened it. I swear I have never received as many completely irrelevant letters from the municipality as I received in that year and a half.

But then finally... It came. The letter announcing that it was my turn to get an ADHD assessment. This was in July of 2022, 1.5 years after my referral. This time, they informed me in the letter itself that I would have to go through a monitored drug test. So this time I was prepared, and although I knew at this point that it's illegal to force patients to go through monitored drug tests unless there is a reason to suspect substance abuse, I went through it just so I could finally get my assessment. After that test, I got all my appointments for the assessment itself.

My first appointment was in September, and within the first minutes, I knew that the psychologist was a good one. She was very kind, clear, attentive and caring. She made clear that she was aware of the way in which autism might conceal ADHD and vice versa. And she told me I didn't have to go through the IQ tests etc again since the first set from my autism assessment was still recorded in my patient journal. So this process would go faster than the autism one. We still had the in depth interviews though, some more standardised tests in the shape of various forms to fill in, and then the psychologist interviewed my mother again (although not my partner this time; she said she'd only do so if she felt towards the end that she needed more to base her decision on). I also actually brought some books about ADHD and autism, as well as about 2E (Twice Exceptional, meaning high IQ + neurodivergence) that I had in my bookcase, and she borrowed them for a few weeks and told me afterward that she'd at least skimmed them (which is probably more than I could ask for, seeing how busy I assume she has to be). The assessment was generally very similar to the first one I went through, although they of course had somewhat different focus areas.

Throughout the assessment, it became clear that apart from my autism which compensates for some of my ADHD symptoms, the fact that I have such a good support system in the shape of a supportive partner and flexible work situation, as well as the fact that I have a high IQ, have also been huge factors in why it's been so hard for me to get an assessment/diagnosis. My life is pretty functional from an outside perspective, but that's because I have all these support systems in place and because I've tailored my life around my struggles. For example, I barely have a social life irl, because I so easily get drained if I'm not on a perfect energy level that particular day, and that energy level can swing massively from day to day. So I never know whether I'll be able to make it when the day comes. I also struggle with relationships because I suck at remembering things that people have told me about themselves, and I tend to shift between being very intense or barely present in the relationship at all. Also, even though there are many reasons why I don't want to have kids, I don't believe I would be able to take care of a kid even if I wanted, because I can only just manage to take care of myself. There are more examples, but basically, I look functional because I'm an expert at compensating and I have incredibly supportive circumstances beyond that, but it's a different story behind the veil.

But even despite the compensation, I managed to check off all the criteria needed to get an ADHD diagnosis. Apparently what my mother had told the psychologist was in line with all the things I had said about my childhood as well. I was very nervous before my last appointment, but the psychologist was confident in her diagnosis, which was an immense relief. Like with my autism diagnosis, she asked me if I was OK with the diagnosis and her reasoning for it, and I said yes. She wrote up an opinion and set the diagnosis, and said that she would send it to me within a few weeks, and if I didn't contact her with any suggested adjustments afterward, then she'd make the diagnosis official a few weeks after that.

So I received the opinion via mail eventually, and it was pretty spot on, so I didn't contact her again. After that, not much has happened so far. I've been to an initial appointment with a therapist at the psych department to talk about what kind of support I might need from them, and that therapist placed me in line for a few things, including medication (which, knowing the long waiting times, might be a year or more in the future for me, which sucks).

So there you have it. It took 1.5 years for me to get an autism diagnosis, an additional 4 years for me to come to the realization that I might also have ADHD and get a referral for that assessment, and then almost 2 years more after that to get the actual ADHD diagnosis. I've had the fortune of getting in contact with the right people along the way, including two very competent psychologists, but hopefully that is more of a rule rather than an exception.

(I should add that I barely had to pay anything for my assessments, only $20 or so per appointment, which is incredibly cheap in comparison to many other countries where health care isn't universal and mainly government-funded. I'm aware this is a huge benefit.)

I hope your path towards a diagnosis will be relatively quick and easy. I know it can be incredibly rough to have to wait for the assessment, and it can also be stressful during the process to feel like you have to "prove" your symptoms or justify why you deserve a diagnosis. But if you feel confident that something is up, then don't take no for an answer - or at least be sure to ask for their arguments for why they don't think you have autism/ADHD, so you can properly face those arguments and possibly argue against them. And while you wait, Tumblr can be a pretty good place to hang out and interact with others in similar circumstances (and relate to memes lol). I found that helped me a lot :) Also, reading about the symptoms/diagnoses, and other people's experiencs with them, might be helpful.

Hope this answer was useful to you. I'm happy to answer any follow-up questions you may have!

[formulapisces]

okay sorry this is close to a day late 😭😭 today has been non-stop sport so I haven't been able to spare much attention for other things 🥺

I know the feeling about getting burned out and giving up. for me I think it is a combo of the adhd and the metaphorical ghost of my mother habitually criticising me and they're both really hard to shake off :/ I'm honestly not sure how to get past it, but I'm trying to have more fun with learning this time around and trying to not have so much pressure on myself. doing it the other way didn't get me anywhere :/

being unwell during an exam sounds awful :( anxiety is even worse :/ I'm glad it worked out in the end though 🥺🥺🥺

🦇🩷🫂 (bat anon who will keep cheering you on)

oh i’m sorry i didn’t see this because (ironically) i was distracted… again. this one is more personal and is mostly just me rambling for paragraphs about how much free time i have and how i’ve been spending it.

i go on tangents about art styles, little hedgehogs, exams, and waiting lists. enjoy. 😂

the exams i missed were all multiples: i had 3 history exams and missed one, 2 physics exams and missed one, and 2 english language exams and missed one - that’s why i was able to pass because they used my averages. nobody thought i was going to pass, and i completely broke down when i got home on results day because i was told for the whole summer that i didn’t try hard enough and if i really cared i would have showed up but it isn’t that easy and people don’t understand that. i used to say it was because of a miracle that i passed, but now i’m saying it was because of me, and the effort i put in to everything else which i was able to do. 🙂🫂

i go through almost the exact same thing, so i relate to that 🫂🫂🫂. i get burned out because of adhd and then feel guilty i’m burned out, which only leads me to feeling even worse. i’ve been trying to do things just because they make me happy and just focusing on myself recently. i’m just doing my paintings and going on my walks 😅🫂. it’s really difficult because (using those exams as an example) i was completely burned out and unmotivated but i didn’t get any help from anybody, i was just criticised for it which made the situation even worse. that seems to be a pattern now, whether it’s somebody else giving the criticism or myself, so that’s what i’m trying to stop.

i’m letting myself take breaks and giving myself permission to heal, whether that looks like going on a 3 hour walk, or staying in bed and watching whatever youtube video will distract me or make me smile until i’m ready to face everything again, and both are just as good as eachother :)

i’ve forgotten to mention that i’m meant to be having an autism assessment, but the waiting list is so long. i was assessed as a child but they would just say no because i was shy. because of the fact that i can’t even stand to look at anybody because of anxiety and being uncomfortable until they mention one of my few interests, we* decided to agree to go through with it again. right now i feel like i’m just waiting for so many things, and i have so much time to myself and so much time to think - and that’s been good and bad. if i was doing something else right now i actually think i’d be in a lot worse of a place and i don’t regret taking the path i took, quitting my job, not continuing education, it lead to me talking to you and picking up painting again and going outside more. when i was in work, i felt so trapped and it made my already bad mental health worse. (we* = me and my last therapist)

i realise i’m rambling and i think the running theme throughout me rambling has been time, and giving yourself the time and permission to just live, to take an hour rambling on tumblr because it makes me feel better.

i also realised from having so much time to myself, and this might sound stupid, but you don’t have to accept the criticism. it’s obviously not easy and a lot easier said than done but i don’t need to accept criticism, i can and will do things i enjoy for myself. for example: when i used to draw i would do really ‘impressive’ detailed realism, only for my families validation, but i didn’t like it, i just liked that my family were seeing something i drew and i felt accepted because of that. now that i get the validation from myself, i’m doing what i love, which turns out to be watercolour landscapes and (spoiler alert) it is not detailed or ‘impressive’ but i like it. i like drawing funny looking little hedgehogs and bees and robins or whatever stupid thing makes me giggle. i like how therapeutic it is and that’s what matters :) id much prefer to sit by my window while it’s raining drawing things i love, instead of going grey at 13 because i cant draw eyelashes. 😅

this was just me writing anything which came to mind so i’m sorry it was such a mess, a lot of thoughts came to me all at once and i wanted to write them all out. thank you for reading this far, i really appreciate you reading everything i write back even if it is paragraphs of something i could have said in 2 sentences.

i’m always cheering you on too!!! i have no idea what i’d do if i didn’t have somebody who is always there for me, you’ve helped me so much, more than you would ever imagine. you’re so helpful and kind, i feel the love and i’m sending lots back for you 🫂🤍💜

[the-delta-quadrant]

ok, so what the actual fuck?

so at this point i'm very certain i have cptsd, and for a bit over 2 years i've been desperately looking for therapy on the nhs due to lots of struggles. i got a bpd diagnosis from the community mental health team in the process but they discharged me without actually giving me any therapy. so all i had left was those 6 session iapt talking therapy bullshit things. i was rejected from some services after mentioning i was diagnosed with bpd, saying it's too severe for them to deal with, so i was stuck with nothing as the cmht wouldn't have me back either. blablabla, i got an autism and adhd diagnosis too and was actually advised to not tell the iapt people about my bpd diagnosis (you know a service is fucked when you have to lie). i actually did one of those 6 sessions things and of course it did fuck all because my problem is way too big and they weren't autism friendly like at all.

anyway, fast forward to may, for a few months i've known that all my problems are most likely cptsd. my partner and i will be moving soon so i thought i'll try the iapt services one last time (there are multiple to choose from) and i'll just be upfront about anything. if they reject me they reject me, but if they say they can help, why not fucking try.

so in may i referred myself to a service called vita minds via online referral form. i explicitly stated that this was about cptsd. i also told them i'm autistic and adhd. i had to fill out some questionnaires for anxiety, depression and ptsd. nowhere in the referral form did i get anything telling me they can't deal with this. (this was a different service than the ones rejecting me for bpd.)

a few days later, on a friday, i got a text asking me to book an assessment. i did. i was meant to have it the monday after.

i got a phone call that monday from the assessor. they asked me stuff about my referral and had me confirm that this is about cptsd as well as me being autistic and adhd. they explicitly told me that they can help with that, but that my assessment would have to be another day. i thought, cool. maybe they can actually help.

the assessor had me fill out those questionnaires again.

then i had the actual assessment on thursday. as usual i was told this would be recorded. nothing new. this was the same person i spoke to on monday and the same person who looked at my referral so i assumed that they knew what this was about. i thought this assessment would be to determine my main struggles DUE TO CPTSD. (who wouldn't? i already told them twice.) i was told i would hear back from them about therapy within 30 days.

about a week later i got an email saying that i've been put on a waiting list for therapy for "depression and anxiety", when that's not what i fucking told them. i mean yeah it's part of it, but it's so much bigger. i felt deceived. i felt lied to. i felt not taken seriously. i told them about my cptsd and they boiled it down to depression and anxiety. i'd rather they just told me they couldn't deal with me than basically have me believe that they could. it's cruel to mess with desperate people like that.

i sent an email back saying basically that, as well as addressing misinformation about me being on antidepressants (i was asked if i was ever on psych meds, i was very explicit that i was an antidepressants in 2018 for 6 months only, but not currently). heard nothing for a while.

until now.

i got an email back with a document addressing the issue. they're now saying i'm making it up because they listened to the recording of my assessment and because on that day, i never explicitly said the words "i have cptsd", it's all my fault. DESPITE it having been in my referral. DESPITE me having told the assessor three days prior on the phone.

but conveniently, that first phone call was never recorded, which in hindsight seems fucking deliberate because look how they're twisting it now. look how they're blaming me for their shit communication.

never during the actual assessment was i asked to confirm the reason for my referral again, and i didn't think i had to do it a third time. they should already have it in their system.

but no, apparently me being deceived and not being communicated with properly is now my fault. me being told "we can help with cptsd" OFF THE RECORD and believing it is my fault.

this is shitty communication all over and just lies. i mean especially knowing i'm autistic they should have been more fucking explicit.

anyway, if you have anything beyond mild to moderate depression or anxiety, avoid vita minds at all costs.

[knotmagickstudios]

ADHD/Autism diagnosis as an adult, part 1

So this is a bit of a departure from my usual content, but I wanted to break down some of my experiences here so that others could learn more about the process and how it works, and what struggles I faced.

Please remember, this is just one person's experience, and yours might be very different depending on your healthcare provider, country you are seeking care in, or even what part of the country. I know my experiences would have been very different if I'd tried to get an assessment back in Ohio vs Washington state.

A little background: I grew up in an emotionally abusive household that placed a lot of stigma on mental health and not being neurotypical. I've had anxiety since I was 3 and depression since I was 10 or 11, but was unable to get help until I was almost 30 because of that stigma.

As a result, I grew up with some hardcore masking, and trying to be as "normal" as possible. I think I was tested for autism several times in elementary school, but because I'd been conditioned to know the "right" answers, I told the teachers what they wanted to hear, not what I actually felt or thought, so I "passed."

About 5 years ago, all of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety and depression stopped working at the same time, for no apparent reason, and I made the decision to begin taking medication. It's one of the best choices I've ever made.

Around that same time, I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and later Hashimotos (autoimmune condition attacking the thyroid).

During all of this, I moved 3,000 miles to a new state.

The Hashimotos has caused a great deal of fatigue for me, which is how I got diagnosed in the first place. Even with my medication, I still am tired all the time, and I'm usually ready for a nap. However, it also causes insomnia, so I will often go to bed and then lay there for 2-3 hours before I can fall asleep, even if I'm super tired.

This past year has been very bad. My anxiety also spiked for the first time since I started meds, to the point I was having panic attacks at work. I started talk therapy to help determine if the problem was the crappy job or if my meds needed adjustment. It also became clear through these conversations that something wasn't right physically, so I went to my GP.

I am not going to lie when I say I hit the lottery with this GP. I laid out all of my symptoms, which are, theoretically, tied to my Hashimoto's: Fatigue, intolerance of physical activity, inability to regulate my body temperature, random joint/muscle aches, headaches, and a whole laundry list of other symptoms.

She wrote everything down, and then shocked the pants off me when she said, "This doesn't sound like Hashimoto's to me. It sounds like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and ADHD."

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I know a lot of people in many places in the world with ME/CFS and usually doctors avoid mentioning that as a diagnosis unless they have to. To have it, and ADHD suggested as a possibility from the get go was shocking.

I walked away with a list of referrals to specialists, including neuropsychology for both an autism and ADHD assessment.

I'm going to end part one here, since this was a lot of background. I'll be focusing on the ADHD/Autism assessments, but if anyone has questions about Hashimoto's, the chronic fatigue diagnosis, or any of the other conditions I've mentioned here and how they were treated, I would be happy to elaborate.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Please pray for me because I’m about ready to start biting people at work, lol.

I am going to end up in jail for taking a chunk out of someone’s arm while foaming at the mouth.

I was gonna take today off since I had yesterday off for Juneteenth and I’m major stressed about this trip next week. But then we were told we would be going through the agenda for the trip on the call so I was like “cool, makes sense, for the sake of my anxiety/ocd and desperate need to know what the schedule is and be as prepared as possible, I’ll cancel my extra day off so I can go to this meeting.”

TELL ME WHY THEY TOLD US ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE TRIP ASIDE FROM “YOU’LL GET THE AGENDA TOMORROW.”

TOMORROW??? LESS THAN 24 BUSINESS HOURS BEFORE I WILL BE IN NY???

Look. I am not trying to be difficult. I know my need to know as much as possible about something before getting into it is a bit…extreme.

BUT THERE ARE ONLY 19 OF US GOING. HOW HAVE YOU NOT FINALIZED AN AGENDA YET OR AT LEAST GIVEN US A ROUGH MOCKUP OF WHAT TO EXPECT???????

Oh my GOD. I am losing my FUCKING MIND. Oh, but we were told to expect to still be doing our regular work even though we “have a packed schedule.”

WHAT. WHAT.

WHEN. Y’all already got us flying there Monday morning and leaving Wednesday night.

WHEN. WHEN WHEN WHEN????

The level of anxiety I feel at having absolutely no fucking clue what to expect for a trip this close is OFF THE CHARTS.

I don’t feel like I’m asking for the sun and the moon and the stars??? I just want to know basic shit like if I’ll get any breaks (haha, good one), how “packed” the packed schedule is, how much time I’m going to have to mask like my life depends on it, and how much time am I going to have to come down from being around people and being nonstop busy every single day.

Plus the added stress (to me) of having to rush there and rush back home because the multi-billion-dollar company I work for is too stingy to pay for us to either go up Sunday or leave Thursday.

lol I want to fucking cry from frustration.

Literally the whole having ocd thing means I am hardwired to have little to no tolerance of uncertainty/change and desperately desire routine. Plus the fun addition of ADHD means I’m very easily overstimulated and have impaired executive function (which I’m going to need in spades for this damn trip).

That doesn’t even take into account the fact my therapist (who specializes in ocd) says I probably have autism too. There’s a pretty significant rate of comorbidity and an overlap in symptoms between autism and ocd and they often get misdiagnosed for the other because of it.

“The prevalence of OCD is estimated to range from 4.9% to 37.2% in children and adolescents diagnosed with ASD, and from 7% to 24% in adults with ASD.”

A wild range in the state, but still significant enough they’re like “we see the link.”

I was around 18 the first time I was told by a therapist that I might have ocd and lord knows I had symptoms before that. Tbh I’m 99.9% certain my ocd symptoms started around age 12/13. I just didn’t see a therapist for the first time until I was 18 (yaaaay growing up poor!). Then I got told again back in 2022 by another therapist “hey, has anyone ever told you that you might have ocd” and then finally by my ocd specialist therapist (who I wasn’t even seeing for ocd, just exposure therapy which tends to be one of the main treatments for ocd) who was like “you 1000% have pure o ocd” lol. Not her exact words, but that was the sentiment.

Pure o is a bit of a misnomer because a lot of the compulsions are internalized rather than externalized (ex. reassurance seeking, spiraling in an attempt to suppress/ignore distressing thoughts, avoiding situations that may trigger obsessions, exhaustively assessing and reassessing what-ifs…).

My current therapist actually personally has ADHD and specializes in OCD. While she’s not in a position to diagnose someone with autism, she’s still in a good enough spot to say “I’m pretty confident you have it.”

I did get tested for it when I got tested for ADHD at my request, but didn’t get the diagnosis for it. lol after three separate therapists had to consult with each other on whether or not I might have it. I was deemed as “having signs of autism, but not enough autism” lmaooo. The lady who did my assessment was new enough in her career she had to get the results signed off on by a superior (who, if memory serves, also changed in the middle of my assessment) and was told not enough autism. Tho the assessor and my therapist (part of the assessment involved them comparing notes on me) were both like “we see it.”

And ever since then I’ve been trying to figure out if the ambiguity is because I’ve gotten really fucking good at masking or if it’s just because my special brand of adhd/ocd encompasses 2/3 of a whole autism lmaooo. There is little doubt in my mind that, before I learned to mask in my early twenties, I probably would’ve been diagnosed without any hemming and hawing. BUT HERE WE ARE.

The joys of trying to get a diagnosis later in life after you’ve spent decades learning how to fucking cope, or at least fake it well enough to get by.

WHO KNOWS.

I feel mildly less like I might bite someone now, but I’m sure that’s not gonna last. lol. Lord help me.

The timeframe for that is going to be largely dependent on when they finally give us the agenda tomorrow lol. Morning? Minimal risk. Late afternoon? Gonna need a muzzle.

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

[photographertherapistblogger2]

So it's been a while since I wrote in any of my journals but I've been on a proper journey this past month or two. Anyway I feel its a time to write. Honestly don't know where to start. OK my nan passed away on 4th December from cancer and for anybody that has read my previous blogs you may not I lost a baby in January, anyway I felt like things were getting a tiny bit better but what I realised was I distracted myself from the pain so when my nan was asking where's the baby I put 2 and 2 together and knew my nan was close to death when she kept saying I can see a baby and calling out for my grandad. When my mom told me it just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I feel that emptiness and lost again. I've been there for the past 2 and a half years for my mom to offload too as well so it's been just as hard for me and knowing the sense of loss my mom feels is just absolutely heart breaking.

Amongst all that I have been dealing with my ex being an absolute tool around the kids, he's not diagnosed but I feel like he's a possible narcissist etc etc and I really hate with a passion that my kids have contact with there dad but I do it for them. Anyway he has totally disregarded any concerns I've had then I've had his misses/ex misses also having a go at me about raising this concern. Honestly sometimes I just don't know where to turn with any of this and its hard for me not to react. I see it as them both trying to manipulate me or think I would back down but no I'm going to protect my kids as much as I possible can till they can protect themselves. Anyway since my kids seeing him more often the school have picked up on my daughters behaviours changed which is unlike the one but yeah my youngest does struggle with change. My ex is also trying to use my triggers to upset me and so on for example I've always wanted the have quality time with my eldest but because my youngest can be challenging nobody will take her so I don't have quality time with her at all so because he can he does that, at first I was upset about it but I still clearly give her what she needs and I'm one person, I chose to thing of the positive side if things instead of feeling shit that I can't always give that but I try.

Any with all that in mind I still haven't heard any for the adhd/autism assessments for my youngest daughter so I've been trying to get updates on that plus I realised I still haven't received any information regarding my sons autopsy so been trying to chase that up too. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by life and its situations I can't think straight. Which leads me to the next bit. Anyway I was feeling lonely and overwhelmed so I thought sod it ill go on a dating site and I actually thought I'd found someone till yesterday. Anyway I know what people will say when I say this but I honestly don't know what to think anymore. So I'm chatting to this guy who says he's got autism so I carry on talking to him and then I find out he also smokes weed and your probably thinking well there's nothing wrong with that which is why I carried on chatting to him and explain that to me tye issues I've just spoke about were red flags to me, I spoke to him and explained why they were red flags and he understood. So anyway I was in an domestically abusive relationship for 8 years with someone who had a drug addicted and used his diagnosis to mistreat me etc. So anyway I carry on chatting to this guy thinking yeah maybe he's different and understands me when yesterday he asked if I also had autism to which I said no. I was stupid and asked him why and he explained that I came across as cold and had no empathy but wouldn't explain why he felt like that so I left him to it. He made no effort to talk to me about it so I've blocked him now.

Honestly after all that it hates me to say it but I feel like I'm still not over what my ex did and even though I don't love my ex there will always be the memories we once shared and thats what kills me. I hate the fact that I just started to trust someone who turned out to be just like my ex. I'm so upset with myself that I keep attracting these men that want to mistreat and it just goes to show me that I still need to work on trying to get out of the trauma of being a people pleaser. What I want to do for the new year is write some goals I want to achieve and things I want to let go of for new year and hopefully clear alot of negative energy and trauma that's still trapped in my body. All I want is to feel loved and to feel safe is that so hard. I'm feeling so upset with myself right now hence why I wanted to write. Anyway I'm gonna release this and go watch a Christmas film to try cheer myself up. Goodbye for now

[stal3bread]

I forgot to do this LOL so I'll do the ones I missed!

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

I started suspecting I was autistic at 14 in 2019 when I got my ADHD diagnosis and then started looking into other neurodivergencies, and found that ASD really really resonated with my life experiences. I tried bringing up an autism diagnosis to the psychiatrist I was seeing who diagnosed me with ADHD and he completely dismissed it so I just was like 'ok I guess I'm not autistic then'.

Then about a year later I started seeing a psychologist and after a few sessions she was like '...I think you might be autistic' and I was like 'oh ok that makes sense'. I was too scared to actually go for an assessment for a while though because I thought I'd get totally invalidated again so I didn't decide to get an assessment until the summer of 2022 when I was done with not knowing if I was autistic for sure so I decided to get an assessment.

I got on the waiting list for an ASD assessment in around August-September ish and luckily I managed to get an assessment in October because the clinic I went to had a new psychologist on the team who didn't have a long waitlist yet because she was new. Then I did the assessment which involved the ADOS-2, an appointment with my mum about my history, and a few questionnaires from me, my mum, and my teachers. Then, on the 28th of October 2022, I had my appointment to find out the results and they told me that I fit the criteria for ASD in the DSM-5 and ICD-11!

So yeah, I've pretty much known I was autistic for 3.5 years, but I've only been diagnosed for about half a year lol.

[oncominggstorm]

I found u while searching around for those in Wisco seeking autism diognosis. So, is there any place you didn’t dislike? Or are they all really for kids and cis men :[

Hi anon! So in general I have found that there just aren’t a lot of places around here that work with autistic adults, which sucks.

That said, for the diagnosis itself, I feel like the process went better for me than it does for a lot of adults seeking a diagnosis. I was referred to a neuropsychologist by the therapist I was seeing at the time. There was a LONG wait list though (I was referred at the beginning of January 2022, didn’t have my first appointment until June, and it was September before I finally got the assessment results & was officially diagnosed).

The woman I saw for my assessment was decent. I got the impression that she was actually listening & truly did want to help. She is neurodivergent herself (she isn’t autistic but she does have ADHD) so it felt like she understood a bit better. That said, some of the resources she was suggesting were places that do ABA, or organizations like Autism Speaks, stuff like that, which isn’t great. I had mentioned that Autism Speaks is problematic & she didn’t seem aware of that at all. But she was willing to help me with accommodations for work (including writing a 2nd letter to clarify, when my job was pushing back on whether some of my accommodations were necessary). She also gave me her email address when I explained how hard phone calls were, which made it a LOT easier when I needed to reach back out for that 2nd letter after my appointment.

The bigger issue is that after getting the diagnosis, there REALLY isn’t any help or support available for adults. She was able to recommend 6 places that work with adults…but the CLOSEST one to me is an hour drive each way. 3 places were in Madison (so if you live by there you might be in luck) & 3 were in the Chicago area. Also, a lot of the suggestions she gave on ways to make my life easier were very basic suggestions that don’t really work well (things like make a to-do list, set alarms, keep work area organized. Or my favorite: to combat issues with impulsive spending, I should simply just not impulsively buy things and rather wait a few days. If only I had thought of that /s 🙄)

So yeah overall, it wasn’t perfect by any means, but at least I got my diagnosis & felt like I’d actually been listened to.

Now of course, what’s available is gonna vary a lot depending where in the state you live. What they have where I live will be different than what’s available in other areas of the state, especially the more rural areas.

I don’t want to give the name of the place I went in public like this for safety reasons, but if you’re in south central Wisconsin (or even if you’re not & are just curious), if you send me a message off anon so I can answer privately I’d be happy to give you the name/website so you can look into it yourself.

Also feel free to reach out if you have other questions!

[wanderingparasite]

why is it so hard to get an assessment???

i was put on a waitlist for an ASD assessment almost a year ago, and when i had made that initial call, the person helping me had told me that i’d likely be getting a call back sometime in the fall for an evaluation. in the fall, after not hearing anything, i worked up the courage to call again, but this time the person working said that no, in fact, i wouldn’t be getting assessed soon. actually, she said, nobody should have given me that timeline because they have no clue how long the wait will be, that it could be several more years, and that there’s absolutely no way to check where i’m at in the system.

defeated & sad, i decided to reach out to a different organization on campus, who got me in for an ADHD pre-assessment appointment just a month later. i had that appointment and during it, the doctor agreed that everything i described sure sounded like ADHD. however, they didn’t end up taking me in to get evaluated fully because i had too many… confounding factors? he told me that he discourages me from getting tested by ANYONE, in fact, until i get my anxiety under control, and stop smoking weed (even though i explained that ive been having these symptoms since childhood). he said, since im well enough adjusted and still have good grades, that its not that big of a deal.

not to mention times i brought up the possibility of ASD to my past psychiatrist who literally told me “no i dont see it, i’m really good at noticing autism, its always very obvious” while we had only ever had virtual sessions, where he could only see my face and shoulders. he couldnt see me avoiding eye contact because it was through a screen, he never asked about my social functioning, but he sure did diagnose me with OCD and never told me why, even though the only obsessive tendencies i have are closer related to autism and NEVER have any catastrophizing thoughts to go with them.

i am just thankful that i have a supportive therapist right now who validates me and gives me as much support as she can with neurodivergence stuff, because this fucking sucks!!