#i actually think people should be allowed to be annoyed and angry over a bad episode or a bad season on their own blogs

[fiona-fififi]

...

[rainbow-femme]

Rewatching the animated Beauty and the Beast

-Right off the bat the thing in the opening that gets me is not the possible age implication but the fact that this prince is opening his own doors and to people he’s not expecting. You’re lucky it was just an enchantress looking to test the purity of your heart and not an assassin. Just power posing with the door fully open, no guards, going “Oh hey it’s someone I don’t know! I’m going to have a conversation with them alone” before god and everybody. Of course you got cursed, your guards should have rugby tackled her before she could get her wand out

-I never liked Maurice as a kid and I still don’t. Like he’s not bad he’s just annoying to me every time he’s on screen. The wind blows and he’s dying on the side of a cliff somewhere

-It is never not funny to me that Belle promises to stay in the castle forever and then just leaves three hours later

-I love Gaston having his whole “I’m going to get Belle’s father locked up so she marries me” scheme and then she’s fully just not remotely near the town. He’s living in a high stakes drama and she’s clapping along to dancing tea cups

-Hey when Maurice goes to look for Belle he grabs a bunch of rolled up pieces of paper and protractor. Is the idea that he’s just gonna invent and build something while actively walking? Sir you spent 6 hours in a dungeon and nearly died of being in a dungeon disease, you can’t help yourself out of a wet paper bag much less get your daughter out of anywhere with an invention you made out of rocks and sticks while clawing your way through the woods because you’re dying again

-But it is funny to imagine this revolving door of Maurice and Belle trading themselves for the other until the beast is just like “hey if I let you both leave will you promise to never come back”

-Belle is such a dick at the beginning it’s so funny. “Oh there’s one place in this giant castle I can’t go? I bet he’s hiding all the really cool stuff in there and I’m going to ignore his wishes and that of the staff. Oh no, consequences, the guy who said not to come here is upset I came here! Who could have foreseen this!”

-Like it’s not bad writing, it’s her character arc that she was mainly focused on herself and her interests and pretty judgemental of people who weren’t like her, so her disrespecting someone’s boundaries because she want to sets up something she grows from, and she learns to connect with someone else on their level even if that person is different from her and she learns that people are more than their surface appearance and even an angry beast has depths if you actually get to know them and see their view of the world, and connecting with people who are different from you enriches your life. Which is why when the townsfolk later try to kill the beast because he’s different we see she’s now understood the danger of that way of thinking and is horrified

-But that’s such a funny thing to do just immediately upon entering a castle owned by a big scary beast. Day one hour one she’s like “oh boy I know where I wanna go!”

-I don’t want to be a CinemaSins and point out how improbable it is that Belle got a giant unconscious beast onto her horse when he would be hundreds of pounds. But I do want to see the scene of her doing it. I’m picturing the horse sorta laying down and the beast is on the ground like a sack of potatoes and Belle has her back against him and is pushing with her legs to try and roll him over. Or she’s got her shoulder against him and is trying to push that way but her feet keep slipping in the snow

-Oh my god I forgot they told her about the library before the beast “gives” it to her. She was already allowed to go in there and knew it existed, “giving” someone a room they had full knowledge of and access to is very funny

-But you know what if he’s the kind of guy who thinks that will work and she’s the kind of girl it works on then they’re perfect for each other. Just two people with zero social skills bumbling around a castle together, making weird decisions and the other is like “wow they’re so cute and normal”

-I love the sweeping faux crane shot during the ballroom dance. Over 30 years later and that shit still slaps, more animated movies need to act like they’re being shot and edited like live action

-Maurice really can find a way to immediately die in any situation. When he’s at home he’s fine but the second he leaves the town border he develops tuberculosis and begins losing all function in his limbs

-I’m going to be honest with you guys, I’ve seen various versions of Beauty and the Beast and every time it’s the letting Belle go scene I have the same thought: I absolutely would not have read that social interaction correctly, I would have been fully under the impression we were all aware I was running an errand and coming back later. Because if I’m Belle, and I can live in the cool castle with a friend and people who are nice to me or a town I specifically stated not liking filled with a guy who is pushy and makes me uncomfortable and people who are mean to me and zero friends, I would not have been like “oh thank god I can finally go back!”

-“You should go to him. I release you, you are no longer my prisoner” See to me that reads “We are friends and I am removing this technicality between us so you can go run out and do something that is clearly important to you.” I would not have picked up on everyone in the castle thinking I was leaving forever. I’d just show up two hours later like “boy, it’s been a day, huh?” and the beast is just laying face down on the floor in his room listening to a sad boy playlist

-But the beast is clearly part dog so I guess it’s a normal reaction for him to have

-I don’t want to victim blame, but if you have a sick dad and are equidistant between “castle where everyone likes you” and “town where everyone is mean to you” and your dying father can be cured by a nap, I feel like it’s a bit on you if bad things continue to happen in the Bad Things Happen To Me town

-Not saying she should have anticipated a mob coming to incarcerate her father but I do feel like it would be expected that the people who have been mean to you and your dad would continue to be mean to you and your dad in the Everyone Is Mean To You and Your Dad town

-Because if the forced incarceration hadn’t been an issue, they would have gone to town the next day and someone would go “Hey Belle, your dad said you were kidnapped by a beast.” And everyone would point and laugh and he’d start waving his arms and going “It was the biggest beast you ever saw! 18 feet tall and claws bigger than my head!” and people would probably suggest that the guy they all call Crazy Old Maurice may be crazy and Belle would need to prove he wasn’t. I just don’t think we would have ended up with much of a different situation in any timeline that involves going back to the town

-Ok. So. If I live in a town. And I find out there is a beast within walking distance that is sentient enough to take villagers prisoner. And this guy is like “yeah he took me and my daughter prisoner, he’s terrifying!” I’m not saying I would have been part of the mob but I do think I would be worried about there being a beast and two people he previously kept prisoner living next door. And her saying “no he’s actually very sweet” would sound like those people with exotic pets who get their faces eaten by their pet tiger. Like yes they’re wrong but Belle also thought he was scary and violent until she’d been there a number of hours. I feel like if instead of giving herself up she went to town and asked for help and they created a mob to get her father back she would not have been against the idea so it’s not wholly their fault for having the same idea

-“Is it dangerous?” “No, no, he’d never hurt anyone” Every owner of a dog who wants to bite you so so bad

-So when Belle and her father are alone she is clearly telling him that the beast let her go and is kind. When asked about the beast by the town, Maurice starts yelling about how he’s the most terrifying monster in the world. Belle has to show the beast to back up her father’s claims to try and save him for the second? third? time. And then they’re locked up and she says “this is all my fault” and this man does not for a second contradict her or take blame at all. “Yeah I can’t believe you specifically caused this mess.”

“We won’t rest until he’s good and deceased.” I know there are only so many words that rhyme with beast but that’s such a funny line in a bloodlust song. I will not rest until this animal has been declared legally dead by the state

-“We will fight even though the danger just increased” I’m obsessed with all the words they had to use to rhyme with beast

-It’s so funny that this is canonically France and he is canonically a prince. They didn’t make him a duke or a lord he is directly related to the royal family and in the line of succession. Likely not the dauphin because they wouldn’t have sent him to run a castle in the countryside away from the center of politics so probably a younger son but still, this guy is part of the royal family. They didn’t have to explicitly state this is France but they do, and they reference the baroque period so it’s after the construction of Versailles. The beast is actively being stabbed to death while sentient furniture watches and at the same time his family are canonically pissing on the walls and floors of their own home

-Oh my god the beast is brooding on a chaise. Did he drag it over to the window just so he could dramatically sit on his chaise and stare longingly out at the rain? Absolute break up mood

-He’s also in a different outfit that isn’t the fancy one or his every day one, he went and changed into a breakup outfit. Important to note the breakup outfit includes a cape and what he was previously wearing did not. He chose to put on a cape as part of his breakup outfit

-So Gaston points his arrow at the beast. The beast acknowledges it then looks away. Gaston then fires and hits him and he reacts all surprised and angry that it hurt like my dude you let him shoot you with an arrow, what did you think that experience would be

-It is so wild that Gaston assumes the beast is in love with Belle. Like yeah he’s right but what a wild assumption to make when you’re not even sure this thing comprehends human speech. Again my thought would be he’s attached to her like a dog is attached to its owner, I would not see a big furry animal and be like “this thing is fully sentient and feels romantic attraction to human women”. Yeah he’s wearing clothes but still that feels like a leap. Pointing at a dog in a sweater following its owner and yelling “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

-The beast’s arc is partly him controlling his temper, and we see him want to kill Gaston but controls himself and lets him go, immediately resulting in his own death. Gotta be honest I feel like less self control would have been helpful in that specific scenario

-I didn’t remember the blood spray after the beast is stabbed followed by the stab wound bleeding a good amount of blood. Are there other Disney princess movies with onscreen blood? I think in Mulan we see blood oozing out through clothes from an injury but that’s the only other one I can think of. Eugene gets pretty bloodlessly stabbed

-Best scene in the movie: The beast floats up in the air, actively transforms into a human in front of Belle, stands up, says “Belle, it’s me!” She then squints at him, touches his hair a bit, squints at his face, and when she recognizes his eyes she goes “It is you!” Ma’am what the hell else did you think was happening. If you didn’t recognize his eyes would you have just been like “Hmmm I dunno…”

-Ok so at the end there is an entire royal court watching them dance. Again I don’t want to be a CinemaSins I just want to see the missing scene. Like did he explain what happened to him? If yes then again I want to see that conversation of him explaining to his family how he was literally transformed into a literal beast for the last ten years and they had no idea this was happening to their family member. If no, imagine just going back to being a prince after 10 years as a beast and you just have to pretend like everything has been normal this whole time. I want a sequel that’s just the human beast reintegrating not only back into society but French royal society, which was notorious for having some of the most intricate and complicated social etiquette in all of Europe

-The final shot is a stained glass window of them with a prominent rose. Now in the original he had a whole rose garden he was very attached to, so that makes sense. But I feel like this beast specifically would have only negative connotations with roses and that window would probably be seen as a little tasteless given the circumstances. “It’s a rose! You know, the physical manifestation of a curse that was clearly quite upsetting for you for nine years and roughly 360 days, reminding you daily of your flaws! Isn’t that fun?”

“Original score by Alan Menken” Look up his IMDB, if you live in at least the US this man has written the score to your entire life

[iamvegorott]

Change of Life

So I decided to hop on the Vampire Jackie trend real quick This is an angsty one~

---------

Change of Life

Jackie felt…cold? Was he cold? He was shivering, body trembling against his will. Was he actually cold? Something about his everything was wrong. 

He was also so hungry. He was starving, but it didn’t matter how much food he ate it was never enough. Eating to the point of illness and still feeling so empty and weak. He was getting angry cause of the hunger, lashing out at those he cared for, and it hurt to see himself like that. 

Jackie needed answers, needed to figure himself out and get away before he went too far. 

He curled up into a tighter ball. The dark alley that hid his body only had the sounds of passing by cars. Jackie failed at trying to find answers almost immediately. The sun had been too bright, making it almost impossible to see, and he’d been cowering in the alley for hours, too scared to leave his spot. 

The others had to be looking for him by now, and that made his heart ache even more at the thought of them worrying about him. He was the hero. He took care of the others. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. 

How did he even get here? Ever since that weird guy attacked him, it’s been downhill from there. Jackie was just trying to get wood for some project Marvin was working on. He never questioned what that man was creating, he was just excited to be helpful and went looking for some sticks that matched the little list of requirements he had been given. A little side quest, he thought of it as. It gave him an excuse to go out and check out the little forest near their home. Admittedly, it was much later into the night than it should have been for him to be exploring since they had heard howls before, but Jackie was brave and strong. Even if something came after him, he’d be fine.

But something did come after him.

And it wasn’t a coyote.

It was a man. 

 A really weird man. A man who tried to grab his neck and instead bit down on Jackie’s arm when he broke free. The man didn’t seem to expect Jackie to fight back the way he did since he simply stood there as he ran back home.

Jackie rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie, looking at the two puncture wounds on his arm. He tried to figure out how the bite left the mark that it did. They were red and sore to the touch. Jackie knew he should have told the others about it and gotten them looked at, but that would have caused so much worry, and Jackie would never be allowed to go out alone again. However, he might be losing the privilege regardless, given his current choices. 

“Shit.” Jackie cursed when he pressed too hard on the mark, and it sent a jolt of pain through his arm, almost like a quick zap of electricity. “Man…I think I messed up.” He hugged his knees to his chest, telling himself he should get up and go, but he couldn’t. He needed something and had no idea what that need was for. “Oh, not now.” Jackie groaned when he heard voices coming down the alley. He really didn’t want to deal with people. A rarity for him, so that meant he really didn’t want people around him. 

“Leave me alone!” One of the voices stood out, filled with fear. “Help! Someone help!” Jackie quickly scrambled to his feet, unable to stop himself from running over. “Help!” He saw a young man being held by two others, a third digging through a backpack, tearing out books and papers from it. 

“Would you shut up!?” One of the men snapped, yanking on the smaller man’s arm and getting him to yelp in pain. 

“Hey! Stop!” Jackie felt a voice in the back of his head yelling at him that this was a bad idea. Standing alone took so much effort from his body. He was weak and hungry. Nothing was right, and a fight should be the last thing on his mind. 

“Buzz of kid, don’t try being a hero.” The man with the bag scoffed. 

“I’m not trying. I am a hero.” Jackie puffed his chest out, trying to appear tough despite the hollow feeling behind his eyes. 

“This is annoying.” The man stood up, pulling a pocket knife out. “You don’t want to get involved in this, alright? It’s none of your business. Just go home and let us do our work.” 

“Yeah, no.” Jackie took a step forward and watched as the man reacted.

The world felt slower.

The knife went toward him, and he simply swiped it aside, like knocking away a cobweb. He took another step and threw a punch, fist connecting with the man’s nose. He could hear and feel the cracking of it. 

“Holy shit!” One of the other men yelled. Jackie’s eyes widened as the man he punched held his face, blood gushing from his shattered nose, seeping between his fingers. He didn’t mean to hit him that hard. It was just supposed to be a quick jab. 

“I…” Jackie looked at his hand, blood on his fist. 

Red… dripping…blood.

Jackie thickly swallowed. The scent was so…oh it was so good. Tempting. Alluring. 

A new ache was beginning to form in his mouth, and he didn’t care. Jackie brought his hand to his mouth and dragged his tongue along it. That rich iron taste of blood felt like a blessing, just barely scratching at satisfying his need. 

“Dude! The hell!?” Jackie heard the shout. Heard the disgust in their voice, but he didn’t hear them. He didn’t hear anything anymore. Didn’t hear the screams, didn’t hear the cries of fear and comments on his body. All he could focus on was the blood. That sweet, delicious, precious blood that was going to waste as it fell to the ground. 

Jackie’s body started moving on its own, sights only on the man bleeding. Newfound instincts took over as he caught the man, tearing at the collar of his shirt to expose more of his neck. He could see the pulsing of the vein, knowing that more blood was hiding from him and that all he had to do was-

Jackie bit down, sinking fangs into the flesh, popping through and opening the thick vein, and allowing mouthful after mouthful of blood to be sucked out. Each swallow filled Jackie with a comforting warmth, holding him, embracing him, finally getting that need to calm down, to give him back his strength. 

The man could only cry, helplessly punching at Jackie, begging, pleading to be let go. But he was trapped, hits getting weaker and weaker, and Jackie drank and drank and drank. 

Until there was nothing left. 

Nothing more came out. 

He was dry. 

Jackie dropped the body and gasped for air he didn’t need anymore. 

He swallowed the lingering taste on his tongue, and as he calmed, reality sank in. 

“S-Sir?” Jackie squeaked out. “Sir…are you…sir?” He saw the emptiness in the man’s eyes…in the corpse’s eyes. “I…did I…” 

His hands were caked in blood. He could feel it rolling down his chin and neck, soaking the collar of his hoodie. Jackie took a step back, believing that something was squeezing his throat with how tight his chest was. 

“N-No…No, I-I didn’t…I…” Jackie fumbled and fell back, eyes never leaving the body. “Sir?” He tried despite knowing the truth. “Sir, please. Sir, get up.” 

If the man moved, then it didn’t happen, right?

He didn’t-

He didn’t kill him…

Right?

“Jackie! Jackie!” Chase’s voice called from further away, searching for his friend. “Jackie!” 

“I-I was…I was just hungry.” Jackie whispered to himself. “I…please…please.” He didn’t know who he was begging to. He just wanted someone, anyone, to listen. To help him. 

“Jackie!” Chase’s voice was louder, getting closer as he finally found him. “Jackie are-oh, fuck!” He shouted at seeing the body. 

“Ch-Chase?” Jackie looked up, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean to.” 

“Fucking hell, Jackie.” Chase breathed out, not knowing what else to say yet. “Fucking hell.” He repeated and crouched down. “Are you hurt?” He asked, noticing the blood on him. “You…dude.” Chase’s thoughts shifted when he saw the red in Jackie’s eyes and the fangs stabbing into his lower lip. 

“Help.” Jackie’s voice cracked, and he wrapped his arms around Chase, hugging him and trying to hide from what he’d done. From the life he took. “I couldn’t-I couldn’t stop.” His explanation was muffled, body shaking like before but from his own sobs this time. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t. I-I swear. I swear I didn’t.” 

“It’s okay, man, it’s okay.” Chase hugged Jackie back, glancing over at the body before quickly looking away. “We’ll get this figured out. We’ll call the others.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jackie continued his cries. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

[meteor752]

Some silly Odyhermes ideas:

While I see Ody as bottom with Zeus or Poseidon, I think he'd definitely be a switch with Hermes 👀

Odysseus doesn't know that Hermes is his great grandfather, Hermes thinks that Ody actually knows, so he doesn't say anything. Ody realizes the truth only when Hermes tells him a funny story about Autolycus, his demigod, shapeshifting son, and Ody is like "what? that was my grandfather??". Hermes is just confused for a minute.

Hermes is really possessive, despite his silly guy persona. His blood (ichor?) boils when Calypso throws herself at Ody. He gets angry seeing the rivarly between Poseidon and Odysseus, whether it's shippy or not. And he gets annoyed, when Ody talks about Penelope, or spends time with her. He tries to somewhat tolerate her, but he does poor job at it.

Ody doesn't believe in Hermes' story, about baby Hermes making a lyre out of a turtle, and killing the immortal cattle of Apollo. That is, until Hermes "jokingly" wants to show Ody how he did it. He drops it seeing Ody getting flashbacks about Eury killing the cattle. He may be a little shit, but he still cares for Ody, and doesn't want to see him distressed 🥺

Ody usually can't see Hermes' eyes (typical hc in this fandom lol). When he does, it's either when Hermes gets really serious about some topic, or when Hermes is acting like a silly guy in love, making him lose his helmet, when his guard is down. Ody thinks his (probably inhuman) eyes are pretty, but he won't say that.

Hermes, despite everything, is a really sweet boyfriend. Whenever Ody tells Athena about Hermes, she gets snnoyed. Hermes would talk about how cute and smart Ody is, when he's with Hades or Persephone, doing his job.

I thinks that's all of these? I just really like this rarepair 👉👈

How did I become the person people come to for Odyhermes things. Like I don’t mind but like still huh

(Also, I wanna make it clear that while I do love Odyhermes, I love it in like a slightly unhealthy context, with a clear power imbalance and a very obsessive Hermes. That shit’s my jam people)

I once saw someone say that Hermes has the vibe of either a mean dom or a bratty sub, and like I couldn’t agree more, and I say both. He’d probably enjoy it a lot when Ody takes control (even tho he’s being a menace about it), but he also likes putting his mortal in his place

Poor Ody would probably have a bit of a crisis and possibly be a bit weirded out over the fact that Hermes is related to him, and like poor silly guy just has no idea why because his family is basically just incest, he has no idea that it’s seen as bad for mortals. (Ody has even more of a crisis when he realises he’s fucking related to both the Cyclops and Poseidon)

Dude I liiiiiiiive for possessive Hermes (case that wasn’t clear lol). Especially him being extremely jealous at basically every god who interacts with his mortal. He’s more fine with it when it’s other mortals, since he sees the majority of them as “lesser”, but Penelope does get on his nerves occasionally.

Hermes does not understand the concept of PTSD, or why sometimes when he does certain things or mention certain people his mortal gets all distressed and upset, but he does try and correct himself when he can. Maybe he should ask Dionysus about that

I imagine the first time Ody saw Hermes eyes it was by like, complete accident, like they were both a lil drunk and Hermes accidentally knocked into a low hanging branch of a tree, and his lil helmet just flew off, and the messenger god was to busy giggling to even notice. Despite their haunting emptiness (I have always headcanoned Hermes eyes to be just the sclera, which is why he tends to hide them, he thinks they look boring), Ody finds them strangely beautiful. So if Hermes allows his helmet to come off a little more often when with his mortal, or if he “accidentally” forgets to put it on sometimes, well neither of them comment on it.

Oh Hermes will just never shut up about Odysseus. The messenger god is a gossip and a chatter box, so he usually fills the silence in some way, no matter who he’s with, though it’s usually discussions about the happenings on mount Olympus. The moment he met Ody tho, he was all that mattered to him. When he wasn’t watching his mortal, he was chattering about him to anyone who would listen, which is for the most part not a lot of people, as one can only stand Hermes for so long. But even his usual conversation partners, Apollo, Hestia, Thanatos, Iris, Dionysus, grew kinda tired of hearing about this one mortal and his escapades. Wing boy don’t care tho, he will hover after his targets, chittering away, until they either attack him or try to rip their own ears off. That won’t stop him though.

Odyhermes shippers, feel very free to rant to me about the ship. This is a safe space and I love having you here, even tho I’m confused. We’re scarce but we’re strong!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for letting something major happen in an RP when one person wasn't available?

It was a group rp. Everyone participating is in their 20s. Going to use B, D, F, H, and J (me) for the aliases.

The plot of the rp took place in a fantasy world with some modern elements where everyone had special powers. However, I made it a rule that the OCs had to have some flaws so that they wouldn't be overpowered. B complained that it wasn't fair to police what people did with their OCs and said that we shouldn't force people to handicap their OCs. They thought it would make the rp boring if we did that. The others said to just let B do what they wanted with their OC because they are neurodivergent and this would help them feel better.

Fast forward to the actual rp. B made their character OP. Every problem was solved in a snap because B's OC was unstoppable and could do anything. Their OC would always get the credit for saving the day since they did everything. D, F, and H started regretting allowing B to just do whatever they wanted with their OC. So they consulted with me and created a new plot device: when an eclipse happens, everyone's powers would be severely weakened and/or be harder to control. Cliché, I know.

How did B take it? By making it so that their OC was immune to that and would still be strong and have perfect control during an eclipse. So their OC just solved the problem again when no one else's OCs were able to do anything. They had their OC then talk to everyone else about "you guys wouldn't be like this if you trained." D, F, and H got annoyed by that. And honestly, I did too. It was annoying how their OC would be able to do everything.

Then one day, B said they had to do something and that they wouldn't mind if we continued rping while they were gone. So that was what we did. D suggested that everyone else fight another big bad. F and H agreed to it, so I went with it. During the fight, D's OC ends up getting critically injured and the rest of us had not done anything to intervene. Or rather, made it so that the other OCs would not be able to reach them in time. D agreed to letting this happen. The big bad was still taken down, but this time it was due to a group effort from everyone's OCs minus B's.

When B returned, they were upset because D's OC was their OC's girlfriend. Both their OCs were girls. B had their OC go on an angry rant about "None of you know how to do anything right without me, and none of you care enough to protect my girlfriend in a fight. You all chose to be selfish and look after yourselves." And that everyone else was lesphobic for letting a lesbian character almost die. But D brought up that it was their idea, and B insisted that "F, H. and J tricked you into thinking that." And then B demanded we have a do over so that they could have their OC save her girlfriend. We all voted against it because it would make the plot more interesting if one of the characters stayed injured for awhile.

Sure I know that it sounds bad to let one of the few lesbian characters get injured, but said character's owner was fine with letting it happen. So it should be fine, right?

B did not like that and called us lesphobic for doing that and had their OC jump in with an ultimate healing ability she never had before so that the injuries to D's OC would not last long. F decided to have their OC intervene and block B's OC from being able to do the healing. When B tried again, H did the same thing.

B called everyone an asshole for changing the plot without them and logged off for awhile. Part of me thinks they may be right, but admitting it to them would mean we continue the cycle from before which was boring already with B's OC solving everything.

So AITA for letting something major happen in an RP when one person wasn't available?

What are these acronyms?

[pillarsalt]

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

[eternal-armin]

'CAUSE HE THINKS he's made of candy.

i think this is the longest thing i've ever written here, around 6.7k words and i had to revise it a lot because it took up too much space ;;; the title is a reference to candy by robbie williams because that song slaps hard

pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader. [he/him pronouns]

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where : after surviving the apocalypse together and saving the world, things finally return to normal, in good ways and in bad ways.

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warnings : mentions of trauma, some light mentions of gore, reader has a congenital insensitivity to pain and find getting injured amusing, so... a lot of that kind of trouble. i totally wanna do another part or so because klaus and diego being father figures gives me life

you walked through the half-dark house, making your way to five's room like you had many times, skateboard in one hand and phone in the other. making sure you hadn't waken anybody up, you opened the door, greeted by the expected sight of a dark bedroom and the sound of gentle snoring. "five, wake up~," you whispered, half singing, shaking his arm, steadily waking him up. he looked annoyed, his brow already furrowed and a frown already tugging at his lips, but he wasn't angry. he was rather used to it by now, in all honesty. "your favorite person ever in the entire world is here!" you hummed. five could basically smell the grin you wore.

"and i wish he would go away," he grumbled in response, trying to turn back over and go back to sleep, only for you to flick on the light and blind him. "jesus christ, a fucking―a warning next time, please?"

"shove your warnings up your ass, five, you can miss out on your middle schooler sleep schedule for a night."

"many nights, actually," he hissed distastefully, giving a mourning glance to the cozy pillow before he sat up, now disappointingly awake. "what do you want this time?" the grogginess was now leaving his voice, but not really his eyes. five almost looked nice when sleepy, even if he looked pissed as hell at being woken up. at least your face was a little more pleasant to look at now that you were back to your teenage self.

"let's go shopping."

five looked at you like you were utterly insane, then slowly looked over at his clock. he cocked his head at you. "it's almost midnight."

"mm, did i stutter?"

"i wish you did. i'm not going shopping with you at midnight. no place is even open." five tried to put his foot down. he was a steel wall to anyone else. but to you―perhaps for you, he was simply a clay plot, one easy to crack the more water you filled it with. it was nice to spend time with you without the entire world desolate and destroyed around you, at least.

"who said the place had to be open?" you shot back with a cheeky grin. five wished that he could be surprised with your blatant delinquency. at some points it had done you both well and your affinity for breaking rules, laws, and regulations gave you a peculiar resourcefulness, but now that you were both safe and home, well... you'd become a mischievous troublemaker. just how you used to be.

"... how the hell did we ever become friends." his voice was utterly flat and his expression exhausted and peeved and yet he still stood up, shrugging the blankets off of himself, heading to his closet because he would be damned if you were going to get hurt and he wouldn't be there to laugh at you.

well, you didn't really get hurt, did you?

"i dunno, but i'm sure you regret your decision." five didn't respond to that. "i will satiate your worries, though, old man, it's an abandoned mall this time."

"wow. character development. didn't expect that from you." with the newfound information he searched for something decent to wear. something that allowed him to move and remain covered by shadows should any unsavory things come to pass.

"hey, hey, i went from crying when i stepped on an ant to killing people, and even if that's negative character development, it's still character development, okay? stop underselling me." you leaned against the wall next to his door, skateboard lounging beside you, picking at your nails. he finally took a full glance at you now that sleep was totally gone from his mind and his body, narrowing his eyes. you were wearing jean shorts, an old nirvana t-shirt, and a hawaiian button-down completely unbuttoned. at least you were wearing knee-pads this time around, but that was all the praise he could give you. five still found himself stunned that you so brazenly didn't care about how visible your scars were; scars from broken bones, scrapes, cuts, gashes, burns, stabs, bullets, shrapnel. you paraded them about like they were boy scout badges which was almost hilarious because you never learned anything from the incidents which now lined your body. even though five would never do it himself, and in fact found it incredibly weird, he kind of respected it. admired it, even. but just that one thing, nothing else. never.

"what, see something you like, old man?" you mused, going from fidgeting with your fingers to looking him in the eye, your own glinting with a bit of cheekiness. not the worst thing to be woken up to in the middle of the night.

five scoffed. "never in my life." you rolled your eyes at that sarcastic response and your grin did not fade. "you're―you're seriously wearing that?"

"hey, i dress my age, mr. retired-man-with-dementia-who-only-remembers-how-to-play-bingo, alright? leave me be." neither of you were bothered by bickering whilst five changed from pajamas to day clothes. he wasn't getting totally naked, so neither of you really gave a shit.

"'dress your age'..." he muttered. "you dress like a blind tween."

"thanks, hot stuff."

"that wasn't a compliment."

"i literally could not care less," you shot back, then winked at him, adding, "lovingly."

five faked a chuckle in some sort of hum sound, shooting you a falsified grin before returning to what he was doing. "i don't want your love. i'm good."

you frowned a bit yourself, which was totally and utterly unnerving and made five, somehow, regret what he said a little bit. "ouch, dude, tell me how you really feel."

"you couldn't comprehend even the most elementary of my emotions, so i'll spare you the headache." he glanced at you a few times, more so at that lingering twinge of unhappiness that so brazenly took over your expression. those words were typically the closest you would ever get to verbal reassurance or comfort from five, not just because he was completely incapable of voicing his own emotions properly, but because physicality did more for you than talking ever did; so, with a comfortable, neutral flannel now hiding his previously exposed torso, he placed a hand on your shoulder. he was always gentle with you, which completely didn't make sense because if anyone in the world needed to be treated gently it would certainly not be you.

a little smile found its way back on your lips. now reassured that not everything was wrong with the world, five pulled on a dark sweater and paperboy cap. you looked him over. "you really look like a retiree now," you mused, but it wasn't an insult. he looked nice like this, out of that hellish uniform, and never could you imagine him in anything else. "do you wanna hit the golf course too, gramps? i'm sure they got some mocktails for you since you wanna keep the drinking to a minimum tonight."

"shut it before i make you." he spoke through gritted teeth, jabbing a finger at you, only succeeding in making you grin.

"is that a threat or a promise?" you clicked your tongue, picking up your skateboard and heading for the door before he could say anything else. "the old tree is, like, a twenty-five-minute walk."

"i'll just blink us, i'm not spending another thirty minutes with you on a skateboard on rough sidewalks, i don't even wanna think about what would happen this time."

"it was so cool, though! i never thought a compound fracture could look like that!"

"[y/n], you only think it's cool because you couldn't feel the pain."

"uh, yeah," you said back, raising a brow at him while he shut off the light to his room and closed the door behind you two. "but it was still cool." you had your bubbly little grin again and five rolled his eyes. despite all that trouble, all that excessive worry he would never admit to feeling, five still looked back somewhat fondly on those times. back when you were ten, still learning how to skateboard, and your parents didn't even give you a helmet or joint pads, when you broke your ankle and didn't even know something had happened until five pointed it out.

after taking one hell of a tumble, hearing the board crack a bit beneath you, you let out a breathless huff, allowing yourself a moment to absorb the sudden shift in, well, everything. five perked up at the sound, surprised you weren't crying or something after falling like that. you stood up and brushed yourself off like nothing was wrong, peering strangely down at the board, which had no damage. you pushed it back and forth once or twice with one foot and it seemed undamaged. that was weird. you'd heard it break, right? five came up to your side, glancing you over once or twice, before his eyes settled down at your feet. "you've got a little something on, uh―" five cut himself off, eyes wide, and you knew that shit was bad when he looked at you like that. he looked about as shocked as one could be, and that unnerved you to no end.

"what? what, did i..." you looked down at your shirt to make sure you hadn't torn it up or anything or were totally exposed, somehow completely not noticing the broken ankle on which you were unsteadily standing, chalking it up to you still half-standing on your skateboard. "what, i don't see what's wrong this picture. stop being cryptic with me, man, you know i'm dumb as shit."

"well―i mean, you aren't wrong about that 'dumb as shit' thing, but i think you just fully busted your ankle." his curtness was plain and simple, and you had already known back then that it would be a constant in his attitude. you looked down, then back up, your eyes wide and mouth twisted as you poorly suppressed a grin and a very annoying giggle. "don't look at me like that! how―how are you not feeling it? that would hurt like hell!" he kept gesturing down at your ankle, at the protrusion of bone and reddening, swelling skin.

"i dunno, i just can't feel it," you mumbled. he pursed his lips, simultaneously in disbelief at what you were saying and knowing that you were too shit at lying to pull this kind of thing off. all of a sudden, his mind was screeching like a fork in a garbage disposal. not being able to feel pain was kind of a bad thing.

he had actually been right, to no one's surprise, when you were diagnosed with congenital analgesia. that incident had marked the day where five silently vowed to be there to protect you, because you were alone except for him. and, to a certain extent, he was alone except for you.

"god really was fucked up when he made you, wasn't he," he muttered.

you both headed downstairs and the clock, by now, was probably around twelve. klaus waited at the bottom of the staircase with the cheekiest of smirks on his face, hands clasped together and his cheek leaning against them. you let out an exhausted groan, thinking you'd missed this tonight.

"something tells me he's super weird-dad tonight."

"why are you surprised, he's klaus, and he's basically your dad."

klaus let out some weird giggle. "i mean, i prefer the thought of being the really cool uncle who teaches you how to smuggle alcohol and how to juke rehab therapists, but i don't mind being a dad." he stepped in front of you two, hands now extended, and that dopey uber-proud dad smile back. "oh, just look at you two!"

"i thought you were sober," five said flatly.

"come on, you two are perfect together! your over-the-top chaos," he gestured to you, "and your sterile literalism!" and he gestured to five. "i'm just waiting for you two to make it official, i mean, two guys don't just survive fifty years in the apocalypse together only from a platonic bond." you and five shared a wide-eyed glance. "don't worry, if my cupid abilities don't get you two together, hormones will. i can't imagine going through puberty twice, let alone the sexual tension between two guys who can't admit their love for one another―"

you put your face in your hands, utterly embarrassed, whilst five was utterly unsurprised. a similar conversation had gone down before, and he just hated reliving it. "okay! that's enough. okay, okay, uh, we're gonna go! if you contact me within the next seven days, i will call child protection services and the police." of course, the threat was empty, but hyperbole was the best way to get your point across. klaus raised his hands in surrender and stepped out of your way. he did enjoy the picture of you two, though; the two extremes on opposite sides of the social attitudes spectrum, one extroverted to the point of it being a flaw and the other antisocial to hell; the opposite sides of the fashion spectrum, one being well-put together mature vintage, and the other being power-clashing at its finest. the multicolored shoelaces were also an appreciated detail.

"i love you too, my little schneke."

"... stop calling me a snail, i'm―i'm not slow."

"maybe not physically," five said quietly to you, and in response you jabbed him in the side with a quiet 'fuck you.' on that cheerful note, you two went about your way. the front door clicked closed behind you, and in a flash of blue-tinted light, you were gone, and the house was mostly silent. klaus was soon joined by allison, quietly making her way downstairs, the only remaining light sleeper of the family.

"you really are just laying on that matchmaker thing, aren't you." she sounded drowsy and awake at the same time. klaus greeted her with a simple smile and a single nod.

"i mean, aren't they just the perfect couple?"

"they certainly were standing next to each other," allison mumbled.

seeing five frustrated was worrying. staring down at his clenched fists, blue light barely rippling out like ice spreading over a metal surface. and so when you passed him, even when he did not notice you, you touched his shoulder, finding yourself in another time. "h-hey, uh, five―" you managed, feeling nauseated as yet again he travelled to some time else.

"get off of me, [y/n], you shouldn't be here!" he looked at you with anger, more like fury, but it was a weird cocktail because it was mixed with a very weird concern. suddenly the world around you two zipped away and was replaced with one of fire, ruined buildings, complete and utter desolation of what was once a world, once compiled with many lives and now every single one was snuffed out because a different roaring fire took everything with it. both of you stood in shock for a few seconds but your cool nature was the first to crack.

"five?! five, where are we?" your voice cracked and your chest tightened, whipping your head around because you thought if you turned fast enough you would be back home.

"like hell if i know, [y/n]! why didn't you let go of me?!"

"i wouldn't have been home anyway, five! i would be just as stranded, i―we―someone needs to be alive, right? someone?" both of you seemed to have the same idea click into your minds, stumbling into weak runs to find the umbrella academy. the building had once stood grand and tall and foreboding and now it was down to the foundations. your friends, his siblings, were gone. he fell to his knees and you turned around, horrified at the world but at least free from the stinging pain of heat and dust whipping into your skin. you felt as cold as ice in a world of fire and heat because, buried amongst the broken homes, were the only family you both had. just older, and... dead. in very painful, excruciating ways.

for all those years, you thought it had been you that stranded you in the apocalypse together; you had distracted him, you had ruined it all, and you never forgave yourself. you hid it well. but five never came out with the same thought process because he didn't believe it in the slightest. he'd already been struggling to transport himself to the time he wanted. maybe you'd exasperated things just a little, but it wasn't entirely your fault. never.

you both allowed yourselves time for the mental breakdown you so dearly deserved, but the time was coming to man up and start trying to find ways to survive. joined at the hip didn't really cover how close you were over those decades, how you couldn't sleep unless you were besides each other, how you protected five because you wouldn't feel the pain and how he always patched you up while cursing you out and still kissing the wound better because it always properly calmed you down, at least more than any words could. you took the brunt of the pain, weaponizing your congenital analgesia and using it as a defensive plan. it worked. even when the handler came around, especially when the handler came around, no defense quite matched yours.

"i should've left you back near the academy building," five muttered, wrapping makeshift bandages around your... well, your practically crushed arm. his voice was gruff now, and not just from the unpleasant living situation, but you were both nearing your thirtieth birthdays. you'd both filled out. you kept gazing at him whenever he patched you up, and even though his words were sour, his touch was sweet.

"what're you looking at, dipshit."

"nothing much."

"fuck you."

"you first."

five grinned a bit. some things never changed.

"wow. this place really didn't age well." the old liberty tree spanned out in front of you with basically no windows left intact, and beyond them a black void without any electricity in the circuits. the outdoor walls were crawling with ivy, the grounds fuzzy from overgrown plants on unkempt laws, and the concrete of the structure looked about ready to crumble. you'd come here a few times in your pre-apocalyptic childhood. it had been coming down for a long time after a few bigger malls came into the picture, carrying more stores, more variety, more fast food restaurants in the food court. now its charms drew only you in as 'how sick would it be to die crushed under the ceiling of an abandoned mall?'

"it's super cool, right?" you giggled, giddy as all hell. your attitude toward liminal spaces had stayed remarkably the same over the years. always, when passing by some tired old house, you nagged five to just take a peek.

"i don't think so, no."

"well, you're friends with me, so i don't think you really have good taste, so i'm gonna ignore that comment and think you said yes." try as he might, and he desperately did, five couldn't bring himself to hate that glint in your eyes when you looked at him. pure, raw curiosity with an undertone of excitement and glee that you were exploring some boring, abandoned place with him of all people. you set down your board and took your place standing on top of it and before five could scold you for skating on very uneven ground, you took off, ducking and pulling a small ollie to get through the shattered pane of the glass main door. five sighed through his nose and followed you in, eventually greeted by the sound of your bluetooth speaker blasting something he couldn't make out by its echo.

"how could you possibly find this fun?" he almost had to shout to be heard. you were approaching again after going around the empty lobby for a few turns, just going faster and faster, losing more caution every time.

"because it's mindless and mostly not illegal!" you responded brightly. suddenly you got the fantastic idea to jump off your board and let it go flying and you followed the instinct, landing wrong on your foot and immediately heading straight for the ground. you would've landed hard, getting at least a deep bruise, if five hadn't caught you by your waist before you could break yet another bone, scoffing at your terrible decisions.

"there are millions of words in the english but none of them could ever describe just how incredible it is that you aren't dead yet," he said curtly, helping you stand back up. you were giggling.

the music was still playing and so you wrapped your arms around his neck, starting to sway and hum along to the eerily-echoing tune. he looked at you with confused horror, eyes narrowed slightly, not moving with you.

"don't give me that, shortstack!"

"i'm taller than you."

"i'm going to ignore that!" you chirped. "we're alive and out of hell, and we have been for, like, weeks now, it wouldn't kill you to dance a little bit!" your hair, bouncy from its messiness, danced almost more than you did as you moved it back and forth, singing whole-heartedly along to saint motel, keeping it a bit dialed back so that five wouldn't have his ears fully blown out by the volume. "who do you think'll see your shitty dance moves other than me? and we both know that i would be a total hypocrite if i insulted you for them."

"i don't dance."

"yeah, and i don't care. your hip won't give out if you use it for fun, fivey."

"don't... don't say that, actually." the cracks were staring to show, just as they always did with his clay pot attitude. you sputtered at the accidental innuendo.

"aw, c'mon, please? just this once?" it was no wonder that klaus was dead-set on his precious, unofficially-adopted son being in love with five, and also no wonder that diego was dead-set on keeping that same unofficially-adopted son as far away from five as possible. your puppy dog eyes were totally nauseating and deeply troubling and so he gave in, solely for the sake of his own sanity. he shut his eyes for a second, mumbling something along the lines of 'i should've killed you decades ago.' but he hugged your waist a little more purposefully and begrudgingly swayed a bit to the tune. the look of utter happiness on your face was, admittedly, kind of worth the wake-up call and following exhaustion.

"i cannot believe that you guilt-tripped me into dancing."

the happy music saw you getting a bit more creative, making up the moves as you went, whatever felt right. five let go of a little control to do the same, and found himself mildly enjoying it. would he do it again? not on his own accord. would you probably make him do it again? without a doubt. it was, however, nice to watch you enjoy yourself. he kind of wanted to dip you, but he didn't.

"you're a natural, though." clasping his hands and intertwining your fingers, you leaned back, and he found himself doing the same, both of you held upright by your grasps on the others' hands, and you started to move in a circle. for the sake of both your safety, five went about it too. walking turned into sideways jogging and you started giggling. the world around you both blurred. for five, it was just you now, just you, like it had always been. it had been a while since you'd held hands for so long but eventually it ended, much to five's dismay, and you went stumbling backward a few steps, falling hard on your ass whilst he quickly remained his balance. you were breathless for a moment after falling so suddenly, but eventually you just started laughing. five wiped his hands on his shirt, peering at you strangely.

"you didn't hear anything crack or whatever? nothing feels weird?" he spoke with no emotion in his voice and yet the words and underlying tone were careful and concerned. nobody else could hear it, but after so long, you could read his every move.

"no, nothing." you shook your head a bit, finding yourself dizzy. "nice to see you're still concerned."

he offered his hand out to you and you took it, and in a strong move, he pulled you up. "i wouldn't call it concern."

"well, then, what would you call it?"

good question.

you were sniffling and crying while trying not to sound it at all. of course, it wasn't from the pain, but from the total stress. sometimes it all just collapsed on you again and you were a hyperventilating, shaking kid again, too scared to turn off the light because the shadows freaked you out. five sat down beside you, leaning against the least-crumbling wall of the small shack you'd both been calling home.

"you're not really a crier," he began. "did something happen?"

"i-i almost got crushed and i saw my life fucking―flash before my eyes and i hated all of it. every single second. i wish i'd killed my parents, i wish i'd killed that landlord, i wish i'd killed my uncle―"

"wish all you want but that's not gonna happen, [y/n]." his voice softened. five was essentially the same as he had been when he was thirteen, just sprouted into someone who would've been one hell of a college freshman. "i wish i killed a lot of people too, but we're here, and we're here together, and―for what it's worth―i'm glad that you're alive." he settled a bit closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, pulling you, still sniveling, against him. "hating your childhood is pretty common where i'm from," he joked, successfully getting a wheezy chuckle from you, "and it's still possible to lead a decently okay life. i'm trapped in a terrible apocalypse, and it's not just external, but... it's a little better because i have someone else who's more insane to remind me that i'm right."

you chuckled yet again, snuggling against him. his warmth was better than the world's. "i think i only moved because i heard you call."

"seriously?"

"i-i mean, yeah." it was kind of hard to forget the feeling of stumbling away from a ton of hard reinforced concrete that would've left you as a reddish smear on an orange world. five's curt and somewhat annoyed call was the only thing that grounded you, and you both knew just how quick that faded.

"you really would be dead without me." his voice was quiet and deeply peeved but he didn't shy away from you, his hand remaining idly just against your hair.

"no shit, dumbass―trust me, i am well aware." you snorted to yourself and five sprouted a small amused smile on his own. eventually your smile dimmed a bit, and were reminded of the world in which you lived in, and the world from which you had come from. "why did you stick around?" your disheartened soul was reflected in those words, lined with a pure confusion. five furrowed his brow. apparently it was completely out of the realm of possibility to you for him to just care.

"... there was a lot of―"

"answer the question. please. j-just this once." five quieted a bit when he heard that. usually he was quite skilled at deflecting questions but you melted his resolve so easily. you asking a genuine question in a hauntingly low voice left five silent with no idea how to respond, even after all these years of dealing with your rollercoaster mannerisms.

"wrong place at the wrong time, i suppose." right place at the right time was better to describe it, maybe. "after you broke your ankle when we were ten, i guess i took it upon myself to make sure you didn't do any dumb shit that would end up in a gnarly death. whether you can feel it or not." so he'd appointed himself to be your protector?

"why? it wouldn't do you any good. well... it hasn't done you any good."

"do you really think i only do things if they'll give me an advantage?" five paused, not looking down to see the squinted eyes you stared at him with. "don't answer that question, actually. don't answer. it hasn't done me any good but i don't regret anything i did. not terribly, anyway."

your grin would make the cheshire cat blush.

five immediately regretted saying that. "don't let that go to your head, [y/n]."

"already there, bud."

his brow furrowed again, the corners of his lips twitching down in another frown. "alright. maybe it's partially concern. but fracturing your pelvis would be a very stupid way to die, and not worth laughing at, so i didn't want to miss out on a show." maybe there was some form of truth in that desire for a fun death, but you had that desire too, so small potatoes. it was silence between you two for a few seconds as you patted concrete dust off of your clothes and the backs of your thighs. "let me help," he said, and it was a demand and not an ill-cadenced suggestion. he stepped behind you and swiped away the strips you couldn't reach with a heavy hand. while he did so he carefully looked you over, even going to far as lifting your arms to check for any injuries. you were quite used to it by now.

"thanks," you mumbled. "still waiting for that broken leg."

"well, your plan wouldn't work anyway, because i can see your legs."

"yeah... i like my legs. i don't want one to go janky from a broken bone."

"it would be unfortunate."

"mmhm, so you agree."

five narrowed his eyes slightly, not getting what you meant for a second or two, before scoffing. "i don't think that your legs are nice."

"really?" you turned to look at him, and the teasing grin on your face was reassuring in how amused it was. you were just playing with him, but that was always the way you got him to inadvertently expel whatever he was thinking. you tilted your head, crossing your arms.

"don't give me that, [y/n], or i'll blink away and leave you here."

"there's ceiling access."

he pursed his lips. "alright, then leaving you alone here is completely out of the question, but i will find some way to make this miserable for you."

"what, why? why d'you wanna misery me?"

"you're dreadfully annoying, for one. i hate how you're always smiling, it gives you really bad wrinkles. you have the heart of a child because you're so immature and i don't know why the universe thought it would be funny to shove us two together, because god knows it would never happen normally, but here we are, much to my chagrin." five paused. you were accustomed to his rants by now. "your weird uncle-dad keeps trying to rush something which shouldn't be rushed, and i don't even know what level of weird that is but i hate being a part of it."

"rush something which shouldn't be rushed―what does that mean?" it was like you had selective hearing for the smallest freudian slips known to man. "what, do you need sixty more years to admit you've had some sort of big emotion or something?" it was mostly a jab, something meant to be funny, which was met with a stolid seriousness. you let out a near-silent 'oh' as the moment continued.

"yeah. turns out the crazy alcoholic was onto something, for the first time in his life." you snorted at the quip, nodding in agreement. both of you knew, dearly knew, that words wouldn't be the vessel of the confession, but both of you knew, dearly knew, that it was coming pretty fast. you'd just never think it would come this fast. klaus was really good at sniffing out a love arc, apparently. five felt like steel when he took your hands back into his, not because his biting sharp edges hurt you, no, and they never would, but he'd never done something in a manner such as this. with a few unspoken words the entire atmosphere of your relationship had been turned upside down and that was the scary part; he had no clue where to go from here.

"the worst part will be telling klaus he was right," you joked, swinging your arms in and out on socially-awkward instinct.

"you're telling me. he's gonna tout it around for the rest of time."

"we'll never live it down."

"i doubt you'll need to worry about that, i'll be surprised if you make it to your 16th birthday."

"you give me three years? seriously? you really think that my 58-year-old-13-year-old self can only survive three more years?"

"absolutely correct." you found yourself laughing and he found himself grinning, just slightly. the sound was pleasant, admittedly. he was more open with that now. well, barely, but it still counted. the silence that did follow this time around was almost pleasant. you were too nervous to maintain eye contact very long, so you glanced away from him and your gaze lingered on the random spot which it landed. plants had somehow found their way into the internal cracks of the floor, green shards glinting out in the pale light from the grimy sunroof.

"i never thought i'd see the day where you couldn't look me in the eyes. it's weird and i don't like it. look at me." your cheeks felt warm but you did as you were told. he smiled a little bit, and it didn't even hint at a snarky grin or smug smirk. you leaned forward and rested your forehead against his.

"i'm totally not telling klaus about this."

"neither am i, are you kidding?"

"never in my life," you giggled to yourself, graduating from holding his hands to wrapping your arms back about his neck, where it felt like they belonged. suddenly it was like he was new to embraces because his arms felt stiff when he hugged back, but he hugged back, tight. never before had you encountered something so gentle and so suffocating at the same time; gentle because he might break you, suffocating because he might lose you. neither of those would happen on his watch, of course. somehow, even with your wild self, your flaws and lack of capability to abide by laws and rules, you'd managed to charm the most level-headed, logic-addicted, cynical douchebag the world had ever seen. maybe there was some truth behind that old 'opposites attract' thing.

"do you wanna stick around this dingy place for a while longer like the psychopath you are or get food before you go to sleep so you don"t whine about being hungry?"

"am i really that predi—"

"yes."

"wow, you muttered, furrowing your brow. "i really am predictable."

"yes."

with just the will to prove him wrong you stood straighter and gave him a quick, albeit strong, kiss, and then you were right back on your feet. you caught him off-guard, that's for sure, because he looked like an android in the middle of uploading information; eyes slightly wide, brows slightly raised, pure subtlety. "how about that?"

it still took him a few seconds to respond after that, trying to regain his smug and blunt composure while also trying not to dampen the mood in any way. "you're terrible at convincing. give it another shot."

[oh-hush-its-perfect]

INVALID reasons to dislike Taylor Swift as a person:

You don't like her music

You think her fans are obnoxious/annoying

You believe she is not being genuine about liking/appreciating her fanbase or the awards she has received

You didn't fact-check that "study" that claimed she emitted 8,000 tons of carbon via her private jet (I read the article by Yard— not only do they not source their methodology, but other climate experts have come up with completely different estimates, averaging around 1,000 tons)

You believe Taylor Swift (the person) is guilty of queerbaiting

You don't think non-Black people have any place at all in hip-hop

She has friends who are mostly also rich white people

She has had a lot of boyfriends in the past and seems to have moved on from her partner of six years very quickly

She sometimes plays the victim

You think heartbreak is all she writes about

VALID reasons to dislike Taylor Swift as a person:

You believe Taylor Swift (the brand) is guilty of queerbaiting and that Taylor Swift (the person) is content with this business strategy

1,000 tons of carbon is still A LOT to emit and Swift should be more responsible with her footprint, ESPECIALLY now that she's touring

The music video for "Shake it Off" features what many people consider racially insensitive material, disputably using traditionally Black and Latine styles of dance as the butt of the joke and Black and Latine women as props

Swift was politically quiet for years, allowing white supremacists and nationalists to claim her as one of their own and declare her their "Aryan goddess" (though this could be blamed on her marketing team, considering they did not allow her to be politically active until 2018— and she did denounce racists in interviews prior to making her Democratic opinions public)

She is currently dating white singer/songwriter Matt Healy, who has been accused of a) saying the n-word, b) doing a Nazi salute on stage "ironically—" and there is video evidence of this, though it's difficult to tell if it's actually a Nazi salute or just a regular gesture to which he didn't give much thought, c) making fun of fat people, and d) making fun of black women. And probably more of which I'm not aware.

The music video for "You Need to Calm Down" portrays a very naive view of bigotry as angry people holding signs (and a somewhat classist view of bigotry as well, considering the appearance of the "homophobes") and uses queer people as props

She's a rich white liberal and is guilty of many of the sins typical of most rich white liberals

She has played the victim as a white woman and vilified black men (specifically Kanye West) in the process

You believe her releasing new songs like "Mr. Perfectly Fine" and the 10 minute version of "All Too Well" has encouraged harassment of men she dated over a decade ago and there was no need to rehash this hurt.

You believe that the academies (i.e. the Grammys, the VMAs, etc.) are biased towards her as a white woman and she has not done enough to combat or even acknowledge this racism

She has engaged in LGBTQ+ erasure by having one of her brand's official accounts call straight couples "lavender," even though that is a queer phrase, following the announcement of her song "Lavender Haze" and by using the queer dog whistle "hairpin drop" in a song even though she is assumed to be straight, reducing the saying's meaning.

You just don't like her vibes (NOTE: this is a valid reason to dislike her in your personal life, but NOT to diss her)

More can be added to both lists. Please note that many people acknowledge all of the flaws above listed and like her anyway because, as it is important to understand, she is human and will often make mistakes. Doing any one of these things do not make her a "bad person," and dividing people into "good" and "bad" categories— especially people who you don't know— is very binary and unnuanced; however, they do make her a flawed person, and people, Swifties and non-Swifties, have a right to make of that what they will.

[chairofchaos]

A Brief Commentary on Fandom History, Fandom Weeks, and How to Keep Moving Forward

Before you decide to read this, please go read this thing I wrote earlier. You need the context. Done reading? No? Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, and definitely don't engage with this post. Go read it. You're done? Excellent! Please remember that I said absolutely nothing in the aforementioned post about commenting on current events. Also, this contains some swearing, in case that bugs you. Any text written in this font I'm using below the break is liable to be sarcastic (if you want clarification about something like that let me know!). Word count is about 3.8k. Shoutout to @/olderthannetfic, who wrote back to that anon who was talking about the clergy-class of Big Name Fans and said,

"Nail your theses to the door."

I think that sentiment applies here.  Kudos to you, wise fandom elder. You rock.

About the Author

To reiterate how I began my last post (linked above and for the love of all fandom, go read it), I have been involved in fandom spaces for 12 years, almost to the day. I had wonderful mentors who knew that were I left unchecked, I would fumble my way through a lot of very bad ideas about what fandom should be like. They decided out of love that if I was going to be in fandom, they were going to make me into the best little fandom child I could be.

If you do the math, I was 11 when I started getting involved. What can I say? It was a different decade and I had unrestricted internet access. Nobody was keeping me from my Harry Potter and Percy Jackson fanfics. All of this to say: I was raised here, and I'm going to scream in the living room while this house burns down around me because I'd rather be a ghost in fandom than not be in fandom at all.

I am going to say a lot of things in this post. Am I perfect? NO! Will this post hold errors? Undoubtedly. Will this post be tarnished by the inaccuracies of the resources and the biases of events recorded in secondary sources? Who knows. I'm sure some of you lived through the events I am referencing here. Your context and commentary is more than welcome. Will this help give us, the ACOTAR fandom, some context for why we all care so much? I hope so.

No, I don't actually. I have no faith in anyone, not even myself.

Thanks for that, Editorial Chaos. You're one pessimistic bitch. Oh, you're going to keep showing up in this post to annoy me, aren't you...

Yep. Back to it, Chaos.

Alright, then. Anyways, I have opinions. You have opinions. There's a 100% chance that we disagree on something. That's cool with me. So let's get to it.

Why Are We Talking About This?

Elaingate. We are here because of Elaingate, and I will not lie to you about that. You will briefly hear my thoughts on that specific issue further down the line.

To those of you who would suggest that Elaingate is over? I must disagree. 

You see, this one instance may be over, but the underlying debate continues. What should fandom look like? Who can participate, and with what content? What is allowed, and who gets to decide?

These questions have not been addressed. I am not, by any means, going to pretend to be an authority on this. I do, however, wish to contribute my many thoughts, and present some events from the history of fandom.

My hope in sharing this brief summary of notable events which shaped broader fan culture will help people newer to fandom (of all kinds) understand why something like an event which bans certain types of content, or content involving specific characters, as something to be concerned, or even angry, about.

Please consider this, my contribution to the discussion, as a form of academic inquiry with an opinion thread throughout. This is something I am throwing to the fandom for consideration. Do I get preachy? Absolutely I do. Do I stand by my thoughts? Yes. 

If you want to respond and tell me I’m dead wrong, by all means, do so. I welcome a reblog or a post in response. Let’s go back and forth, citing our sources like two exhausted researchers from different university departments, fighting over faerie smut books. I’ll eat up every second of it.

No, you won’t. You’re exhausted.

Really? Please stop.

Noooooooooooooooooo.

Are these old issues, or is this a new problem?

Welcome to the party! It's both as old as fandom itself, and as new as yesterday. ("Chaos, those can't both be true, can they?" Yes, they can!)

You see, there have always been issues within fandoms. People have disagreed about whether character A should end up with character B or character C for longer than any of us have been alive. Seriously. The Ancient Greeks were arguing about this stuff thousands and thousands of years ago. 

Source: my Greek Tragedy professor. And if you want to argue that point, you can take it up with him. He’s an ornery old German man who looked at me and told me I needed to do better on my tests in front of the entire class. I had a 98 overall, and the only grades we got were the tests.

Moving on: Dare I say, we are not special?

The real difference now is that the previously separate communities of fandom are coming together on platforms where systems for separating those branches of fandom do not exist in automatically available formats.

We face new issues because the wonderful world-wide web continues to grow wider and wider. We have more people on the internet than ever before. You interact with more people by participating in online fandom than a person would have 5-10 years ago, let alone before the internet, and that comes with new challenges.

So what, Chaos?

I'm glad you asked! On LiveJournal, you could join Communities. You can envision them as a Discord server centered around a specific ship or character. You could be automatically entered into a group of like-minded people, and never really have to interact with people who shipped Character A with Character B, if you wanted.

Another form of fanfic from the pre-internet through the early internet years of fandom days were Zines (In depth "what's that?" from Purdue University). In fandom, zines were edited, curated fanworks. They were numerous. Some were public, some were private. Some Zine editors stood up to Lucasfilm. Regardless, there was content moderation, whether by community members or by corporations themselves. We'll come back to this.

Does that mean I would never have had to interact with those evil A/B shippers when I ship B/C?

Hahahahahhahaha.

No. It doesn't. You still encountered people who disagreed with you. 

And there were slurs and threats involved. It could get real ugly.

Yeah. Be thankful we have good community guideline things on Tumblr, and a reporting process on AO3. I don't think anyone is going to try to hack your computer to get your IP address and dox you for shipping the "wrong" characters (and good grief: if you care that much or truly think that is an appropriate action, please stay far, far away from me).

You looked for the community where you fit best, and that's where you started following, and finding, and interacting. It's not all that different to what you can do here once you curate your individual experience.

Chaos, why does any of this matter? Why aren't you talking about current events?

Well, in the grand scheme of things, does anything matter?

Yes, newly-nihilistic Editorial Chaos. It really does matter.

It matters because it's our history. It's how we got here. Be grateful. As for current events, I’m not really here to give you an in-depth analysis of those, as there are other posts which do that. 

I’m here to talk about the underlying issue. To do that, we need some background. I promise you need all of this context for my proposal at the end. Feel free to skip what you already know, but please take this opportunity to learn something new today!

Why did Archive of Our Own come into being?

For my sources on this, I direct you to the original livejournal post which started it all (thank you @/astolat! You can find her on tumblr and AO3. She’s responsible for so many great things and I thank her for all of them) and the more in-depth Fanlore page on the original proposal for AO3, where you can find links to relevant issues surrounding the proposal’s creation and the result of the proposal. See? Not a nihilist, Chaos. I'm helping. Like I'm "supposed to." Ugh.

The long and short of this is that internet fanfiction communities were facing censorship from the hosting sites. LiveJournal and Fanfiction.net were getting worried about the legality and perceived morality of different kinds of fanfiction, and a new site was being created specifically to profit off of fanfiction. 

For the sake of this discussion, we are going to use the word "curation". LJ, FF.net, and others were intentionally curating the kind of content they would allow and would allow users to see and interact with, partly out of fear of lawsuits, and partly out of a desire to police morality. The cleaning processes they used to get rid of things they did not like were referred to as "purges."

In the purges, many sexually explicit fics were lost. We aren’t talking about something the average 2020s romantasy reader (that’s you, ACOTAR fan!) would necessarily shy away from. We’re largely talking about a level of explicit nature that mirrors the general content of ACOTAR. There were of course fics that were less explicit, and fics that were considerably more explicit. By my understanding, the bulk were things we now see in published work.

Many fics with LGBT natures were lost, because the crackdown on “morality” I mentioned? Yeah. That had a lot to do with LGBT issues. Others have written a lot more extensively and a lot more eloquently than I can on this subject, so I am going to leave it at that. Just know it was a very large issue, and if you want more on this feel free to do some research of your own!

So the problems were numerous. The solution was created. Now we have Archive of Our Own (AO3). (Am I saying that AO3 is perfect? No. That, like most things, is a whole other post.)

AO3 is an archive. It is a hosting site, but it went about it differently than fanfiction.net or livejournal, or most of the niche, fandom-specific sites. Very few of those actually exist anymore, but they were cool.

As an archive, AO3's role was to be a place where the fics that could not be on the other sites because of curation would go to be. Notable fics that were posted in the early days of Archive of Our Own were fics with incest (wincest started here! And don’t tell me AO3 didn’t want it because, well, the creators were the ones writing it, and yes, I have sources for that), brutal violence, and explicit sexual content, among other, much more SFW G-rated type fics. 

They all had a home on AO3, because AO3 was designed primarily for authors (see sources linked above for more). It is notably not a social media, because it is intended to store works (regardless of their content*) and not share them. (*This is mostly true. There have been some problems because of this, often in the realm of Real Person Fics, or RPF. Again, it's a whole other post, but bears repeating.)

Chaos, what on earth does that have to do with fandom [Character/Ship] Week(s)?

I'm overjoyed that you would ask me such a question! It has everything to do with it.

Since the internet has taken over as the primary fandom connector, we have seen a democratization of fandom. We no longer have Zine editors telling us what we can and cannot write. We are protected by AO3's careful non-profit model, ensuring that no one is profiting off of characters owned by other people or franchises.

It has been said that "every rule and regulation you work to enforce has been written in the blood of others." 

That is... overly dramatic.

You do remember we’re called ‘Chaos’ here, right?

Fair. Why do you insist on being so damn cheerful when you’re talking about rules written in blood?

I’m trying to keep it light, Editorial Chaos. Please just… shut up.

Fine.

AO3 exists largely because certain types of fanfiction were being excluded from fandom. People were upset at the purges. People were upset that they weren't being allowed to write work with characters being in LGBT relationships. People were upset that an LGBT fic automatically got a more severe rating than its heterosexual counterpart, just on the basis of containing LGBT content. The little purges were numerous, and there were multiple large purges as platforms decided what they would be willing to accept and what they would leave by the wayside.

Archive of Our Own changed the model. Instead of platforms moderating what they would allow, AO3 implemented a tagging system which would allow readers looking for works in the archive to filter out content they did not want, or to filter for content they did want. Instead of the filter being run by the governing body, the archive was just there. It was up to the user to decide what they would read. The user moderated for their individual preferences, instead of the Organization for Transformative Works (OTW is the governing body of AO3) deciding for an entire, diverse body of fans what they would be allowed to consume. OTW’s creators saw the blood spilled. And they used it to write new rules.

This became the standard of fandom because of its equal opportunity approach. Fandoms have the ability to self-govern, and one of the easiest and safest ways to do that is through comprehensive tagging systems.

Tumblr has an incredible tagging system. Could it be better? Sure. But you can block tags for things you don't like. You, the individual. You, the solitary person, with your own lens through which you view the world. You, who are different to anybody who has ever been, and different from anyone who will be, because no one will ever share your exact set of thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. YOU.

Essentials so far:

Hosting sites began for all fanfiction

A few hosting sites became Curated sites

Curated sites led to the creation of One Hosting Site to Rule Them All (no matter what issues that may create) AO3

The one hosting site is now the primary archive for thousands of fandoms, open to all kinds of work as long as you tag correctly

The democratization of fandom gives space for all works, and allows users to consume what they will (and avoid what they wish) via comprehensive tagging systems

So... where does that leave us?

ACOTAR is a relatively new fandom. It's boomed in the last couple of years, and that's fine. That's good. It is driven on platforms like TikTok and tumblr.

Do not tell me that the TikTok fans are worse. The grass is not burning any more on the other side of the fence than it is under your feet. And yes, the grass under your feet is burning. Look around! And this is the hellsite, after all.

Tumblr and TikTok, paired with the insane (and awesome!) number of ACOTAR fans, largely keep us apart from previously existing general fandom spaces due to algorithms driving engagement. Many ACOTAR fans are new to fandom culture. I don’t think this is a bad thing. I do think it can create problems where fans with previous fandom experience who are a part of the ACOTAR fandom will clash with fans who are new to fandom.

I think this knowledge gives us a choice. There are two types of hosting sites. Why not create two types of events? This is already happening. If we can label events as one of the two types, then it will help people find their spaces where they are the most comfortable. If we create events that are labeled as either "curated" (large amounts of moderation, limits on ships allowed, etc) or "hosted" (anything goes), then we can ensure that everybody is happy. 

She means that, by the way. She works for "peace". Ha. Imagine that. But seriously, girl…

Okay, well…

My Perspective (And Why Do People Care So Much?)

Am I truly happy with this? No.

It actually really pisses her off, actually. She won’t admit it, but I will.

I think, Editorial Chaos, that fandom benefits from Archive of Our Own type approaches, where anything goes, but you must tag comprehensively. It encourages appropriate reporting of triggering material and content not safe for minors/work. This goes for fandom spaces, but most especially fandom events, which should accept things which under the umbrella of the theme they are celebrating, regardless of the perceived morality of their content.

Maybe we can't expect all spaces to be ready for anything. We don't expect that of all people. However, saying that you are hosting an event which is open to all fans that prevents people from considering a character in a new view, such as considering a morally gray character, who is presented in canon as a protagonist, as an antagonist during their character week, or issuing guidelines which would limit an author's interpretation of characters that fit within an archetype, is not truly hosting a fandom-wide event. That's a curated event. And calling it "curated" here is not a judgment.

She seriously means that, too. In case you actually care. The Suriel knows I don’t.

An event that does not allow for truly transformative fanworks within the bounds of its established purpose (a specific ship for a ship week, or including a certain character for a character week) is not an event that is open. It is curated.

An event that is curated is not open to all fans, and should not be presented as such. I’m not going to make a judgment call and say that it is wrong. Get together with your friends and host your own week. I don’t care if you do that! I encourage it! Call it a fic trade, call it something else, but it isn’t an “open” event. It is curated.

However, I want you to keep something in mind as you curate public-facing events: Stop policing for morality. That’s going to end very poorly for us. Keep in mind that the things you are reading in ACOTAR now would have been, and are, in some places, being pulled from library shelves (if they’re getting published at all!) because of the same kinds of arguments you are making about morality. 

If you truly want more ACOTAR books, consider that, were your thoughts and opinions transposed to the real-life debate about book censorship (which isn’t really different from curation/moderation except that its issued by a corporation or government, which is an added level of intensity) by people who thought explicit sexual content didn’t belong in published books, you wouldn’t have ACOTAR at all.

An event presented as open to all fans when it is not actually open to all fans is in fact censorship, defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary (accessed via Apple) as “the suppression or prohibition of any parts of books, films, news, etc. that are considered obscene, politically unacceptable, or a threat to security.” 

Despite that, if this move to identifying events as either “open” or “curated” is what we need to get through this, then so be it. So be it. I'll be disappointed, and I'll be frustrated. And, so help me, I'll be angry. I will. I will not lie to you about that, but I will deal with it.

I love the “don’t like, don’t read” aspect of fandom. I like extensive, comprehensive, and sometimes-even-silly tagging. I like exploring things that I may not like, and then deciding “this just isn’t for me.” I like blocking tags!

More than that, though? I am tired of the fighting. I am so damn tired of it, guys. We have to do better. We seriously do. 

(Under 18s, and frankly, even 18-25s like myself, I’m just going to say one thing to directly to you, in case you are here. If you only take one point away from this post: Please learn to be nice to each other when you disagree. You, me, and our generations are notoriously bad at that. These people can be some of your best friends. Read that post I linked at the top for more details on good old human decency on public facing platforms. Complain to each other in DMs here or on Discord. Go outside and scream when you are frustrated, if you must. You’ll thank yourself one day, I promise.)

We are not treating each other with basic human dignity. We are not treating people like people. We also are not doing a good job of simply moving away from things that upset us at an individual level. We cannot expect to only see things we agree with. What we can do is acknowledge that our emotions are our responsibility. 

Community spaces do not need to be moderated for your enjoyment. If you are a part of a community space intended to be enjoyed with moderation like Reddit or some Facebook groups, great! If you are a part of a large group of people on a public platform like Tumblr, or in some type of semi-open community space like an open Facebook group or Discord server with a ton of people and expect to only see things you agree with or never encounter criticism, tough. 

Learn to accept criticisms of ideas you agree with. You don’t have to accept the criticism itself. You do have to accept that people are going to have thoughts you may not agree with, and that you will see them from time to time no matter how well you think you have blocked and closed off your experience to fit your tastes. (There is a big difference between appropriate criticism in the general environment and direct vitriolic hatred, which I decried in the post you should have read before starting. Which is why Editorial Chaos insisted you started there, to be clear.)

It’s exhausting to pretend like things are fine.

The grass is burning, remember? We’re all on this hellsite together.

So take from this post what you will. Consider my proposal for two kinds of fandom events. Ask questions, if you wish. Send me your thoughts. 

Just remember I’ll be the one answering cruel ones. Keep it together, folks. I was raised well, but I’ve got Nesta’s tongue and years of therapy to prove it.

I wish you all well. I truly do. I hope you learned something, or were able to consider something in a new light. I hope you find it helpful. 

All my best,

Chaos

Hey. Can I go, too?

Yeah, dude. Go to bed. It’s like… 3 AM and you’ve been obsessively working on this for days. How many research papers on censorship in fan controlled spaces did you-

Shut up, Chaos. At least we’re done now. Finally. Peace, y’all. <3 (not really), Editorial Chaos

xxx

One final note from my last editing round of this piece: I truly did spend days researching these topics, and reading thoughts from various points of view here on tumblr. I hope having the back and forth from "Chaos" to "Editorial Chaos" was entertaining rather than distracting. I hope some part of you enjoyed reading this. I truly do.

The first draft of this post was written not long after the Elaingate hashtag was created. It was a lot shorter. It was a lot meaner. It was a lot more discombobulated. I hope, despite the length and the occasional rudeness, that you have been able to learn something new, or consider a new perspective.

This subject matters a lot to me. In my state, we are fighting book bans left and right, and have been for a few years now. I recognize a lot of the statements I have seen here on tumblr from that very fight, and it makes it incredibly personal to me.

Thank you for understanding that for me, and many others around the globe who face much stricter regulations than those proposed in my district, this is more than a debate about morality and censorship in fanfiction. It is about addressing a pattern of thought that has real world consequences in our neighborhoods.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for your kindness. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

And in case anyone is curious? Editorial Chaos is the bitch who edits all my fanfictions. Yes, really. She has her own brain (/kidding!). And she's so mean to me. All the time. (/true.)

[thetownwecallhome]

Worst Nightmare Before Christmas criticisms I've ever heard:

(( OOC. paraphrazed and not linking to exact sources but:

>"Why is everyone singing?" >"Why does this music sound like something out of maralyn manson?" >"Sally's such a dunce; she's too stupid to get herself out of those ropes at the end." >"Halloween and Jack don't do anything for their holiday why should they ever have to complain about work?" >"Sally's such a [derogatory wymen word]!" >"The Christmas Town elves are disturbing to look at they're so creepy and unsettling." >"Jack is an incel." >"Sally's useless and all she ever does is swoon over Jack. She cares about nothing else and just has to be saved by him all the time. Ick." >"Sally is completely reliant on Jack she's completely codependent on him, actually." >"Jack Skellington's an expression-less stick man of a character. He's a nothing burger." >"This movie's message amounts to "stay in your place/don't stray from the norm'' when you really think about it. Pretty messed up there, Didney." >"Sally's so ungrateful and cruel to Jack and not supportive of his Christmas thing." >"Santa's so mean and angry and bitter and Jack would make a better Santa." >"Sally's such an ungrateful daughter to Dr. Finkelstein. How dare she want to escape; Fink's just protective, I swear." >"Jack's Christmas was actually better and Jack should have been allowed to do what he wanted cuz Jack actually really didn't do anything wrong."

PSA time kids: If someone you know says they don't really get/like/are annoyed by Nightmare Before Christmas because of x, x, and x reasons, the correct response is to let them keep that opinion. They're not arguing about out? Don't argue about it. Be adults, kids. Hatedom =/= criticism. People can appreciate something and just not personally like it that much (like me and Invader Zim or Rocky Horror) or even like it but also be able to point out the flaws in it (like me and Monster High). What's important is that this someone accepts that YOU love this thing, while YOU respect THEIR boundaries and not try to make them "see your way". --Not to get off track, but nothing makes someone ACTUALLY resent your special interest than you being really aggressive and demanding about it to them--

Within fandom, especially your own, I think you should be able to spot actual "hatedom" when you see it -and/or, ascertain what makes a bad take actually bad vs a take you just have to disagree with.

For me a bad take is: actively misreading the text/refusing to engage with text on it's own terms; inserting yourself where the text is asking you NOT to; being a jerk about your opinion like you have the one take to rule them all; and finally; coming in with a toxic badfaith/badtake cocktail and not even caring that you're doing so. This is what so many of the worst takes surrounding TNBC amount.

The "Jack is an emotion-less nothingburger of a character" is the one that perplexes me the most. I only ever saw that one once on a "cult movies that are actually not good"-site article. Feel whatever way you want about Jack as a character but I have no idea how you look at that guy and think "no personality" or even no EXPRESSION.

Ya killing me, smalls. ))

What a genuinely horrible rant there!

[moseslikellamas]

♱𖣂 Redfork Menace ♱𖣂 pt.28

Benjicot Blackwood x Bracken!OC

Summary - The Bracken and Blackwoods gather evidence against the Pipers.

Warnings - fem!reader, suspense, adult language, period typical misogyny, condescension, adult language, feelings of shame, feelings of guilt, manipulation, benjicot brainrot, Kieran Burton fancast.

Word count - 2.6k

“Does it really matter at this point?” Shanda threw her hands up in defeat. “What’s done is done and you all agreed to it in some fashion. So suck it up, we’ve got bigger issues.”

She was standing in front of all of the newly married couples, sans ser Joth Piper obviously. She hadn’t slept a wink, they’d all been up talking and debating what to do with the mess set before them. Shanda bad insisted they gathered the rest of the couples there a few hours ago. She might be annoyed by Bellena on most occasions but she did not wish harm upon her. She sat just as prim and proper as ever, seemingly unaffected by it all but Shanda worried about her.

“Martyn, tell us again exactly what you hear him say.”

Martyn sighed before standing to relay the same words he’d been repeating all night. “After you and Alysanne left, I decided I would take a look around. No one saw fit to let me in on what was actually happening.”

Shanda knew he was still pissed at her but she had tried to find him. She was frustrated that Alysanne hadn’t just clued him in. She thought it had been obvious that Martyn was not a part of keeping the men in the dark.

“So, I started listening in on people’s conversations. Everyone was already half drunk and too eager to boast about whatever exploit their house was up to. Most of it was boring regular stuff. Some of it was just straight up lies but Ser Joth. He was different.”

Shanda turned away from her brother. She was so angry she almost could not bear it. Royce had lost it, he’d been removed from the room seconds after he found out and she knew he would not be fit to stand at the trial.

“He was bragging about an incident which was nothing out of the ordinary. It was when he mentioned Shanda that my ears perked up. As far as I knew, the two of them had never met before this trial. So how could he have one upped my sister? And why was he so smug about it?”

She met Martyns gaze then and felt her heart squeeze at the sight of him. The two were so very much alike and because of that, they’d finally exposed a killer.

“I waited, hiding behind them in the shadows. I was hoping he would just blurt it out, say how he had won. But it was worse.” He could not keep the tremble out of his voice. “He pulled out a familiar dagger, Garron’s. Wrapped around it, mothers topaz necklace. And then he said, ‘The stupid bitch wanted to cut through us from the Gold road to the River road, well we cut through them easy enough.’”

To her it was indisputable evidence. Martyn would know their mothers necklace anywhere and there was no mistaking Garron’s dagger. The handle was inlaid with iridescent pearls only found in Blazewater Bay where the man had spent his youth living and fighting in Saltspear. But Joth could’ve disposed of both by now and they would only have Martyn word against two Pipers.

“I believe you, Martyn. But if they’ve disposed of the dagger-“ She left the sentence to hang there, unsure of how to continue.

Lady Smallwood spoke up in the ensuing silence. “It’s probably nothing but I thought I should mention it anyway. About a moon or so ago, the Pipers asked to cross our lands. We didn’t think anything of it, they said they wanted to access the Bluefork for some fishing variety. We have allowed this crossing before on occasion and saw no reason for worry at that time either. So we allowed them over. I hadn’t thought of it since but now that I think about it, I’m worried.”

“Worried how?” Martyn asked, looking at the tense set of her shoulders.

“Well, it's a rather serious accusation. But during the trial, there was mention of a fire at Stonehedge.”

She let the statement hang in the air but they all knew what she was insinuating.

“Fucking hell.” Benjicot said, pacing angrily.

“They wouldn’t have had to cross any other house to reach Stonehedge either.” Beck chimed in looking equally as upset.

“Maybe the ghost of High Heart could testify for us.” Shanda said bitterly.

“What about House Harwin?” Piped up Elyana Darry. “Supposedly ser Harwin’s daughter is a proper horse woman. Perhaps she might’ve seen something of the Pipers.”

Shanda frowned trying to remember ser Harwin’s daughter. He had only recently become the lord of Harrenhal, his father passing away sometime last year. The name escaped her though.

“Her name is Mellara.” It was Bellena, of course, who answered. “And she’s headstrong and annoying so good luck bargaining with her.”

Shanda rolled her eyes. “We know you two were fostered together for some time, Bell. Help us out.”

Bellena sniffed, holding her head up high. “You’ll owe me for it, Bracken.”

“Actually it's Blackwood now.” Benjicot said, stepping forward and placing a hand on her back.

Shanda shook his hand off. Sometimes the team you get isn’t the one you want. But this was what she had to work with so she didn’t waste anytime bemoaning the fact her husband was a brainless animal.

“I’ll owe you one, I swear.” She said to Bellena instead, ignoring Ben.

Bellena stood, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles out of her skirt before she left. Shanda suddenly felt so tired, wishing for nothing more than to collapse into a soft warm bed.

“I’m going to talk to Elmo. There’s no sense in holding this thing at dawn. All of you should get some rest, I’ll let you know what’s going to happen later.”

Alysanne looked more alert than anyone else and it was so confusing. The woman had been blasted with alcohol half the night and yet looked a whole heck of a lot better than Shanda felt. She wondered where the magic endless reserve of strength the woman pulled from was hidden. The rest of them all simply nodded and said their quiet goodbyes. Shanda took a moment to thank them all personally as they left. She worried about Bellena, who refused to express any distress despite her new husband standing accused. She resolved to go to the Harwin’s quarters to meet with her. It would be better to share the burden together.

She began to tell Benjicot just that when Marcelle interrupted her.

“I’ll deal with Bellena. She could use more patience than you have. Go to sleep before Elmo summons us all on a twisted whim.”

She considered protesting but before she could open her mouth to argue, Benjicot had thanked Marcelle and was sweeping them out of the room.

“You really are an insufferable brute.” She complained, pulling against his hurried pace.

“And you’re a stubborn pain in the ass. We’re even, now keep walking before I pick you up.”

She pressed her lips together firmly and fought the urge to slam herself to an abrupt stop. The faster she walked, the sooner she could go to sleep. It wasn’t long before the familiar sight of her door greeted her and she let out a sigh of relief. It had been the longest day/night of her life. Not to mention the week that had preceded it had been a living nightmare. So it was to her great displeasure when Benjicot did not simply drop her off and leave for his own quarters.

“Ben, you should get some sleep.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

She frowned as he began to unbutton his shirt, pulling it off while staring at her. She rubbed her temples, turning away from him. She leaned against the table, thoughts still racing despite her sleepiness. She wondered what Alysanne was saying to Elmo and whether it was working or not. She nibbled on some stale bread, wishing for something better but too tired to go grab anything.

“Shouldn’t you go to your own room?”

The look he gave her said it was not up for discussion and she didn’t have the energy to protest. A knock on the door interrupted whatever response she was mustering up. Benjicot opened the door just an inch before he was pushed aside by Alysanne. She came blessedly, with food. She set two trays down and a flagon. Shanda could have kissed her.

“You’re an angel.” She said instead, shoving fresh hot cinnamon rolls into her mouth.

“I know. You’re all going to have me sainted after my death for it too. Now, Elmo has agreed to move the trial til tomorrow.”

“Then it is a trial after all.” Benji murmured.

They’d been unsure if Elmo would actually charge Joth and the Pipers. After all, there wasn’t much evidence.

“We found the dagger.”

Shanda’s heart leapt at the news. She grabbed Alysanne by the hands and spun them around, laughing.

“That’s wonderful news.”

“It was enough for Elmo to call for an official trial.”

Alysanne grabbed a roll of her own and bit into it before continuing. “Also found this by the luck of the gods only.”

She produced Shanda’s mothers necklace and she gasped. Tears welled in her eyes at the sight of the jewel glittering back at her. She gingerly reached out to take it from Alysanne.

“They tried to chuck the dagger but a guard saw them. I went down to watch them dive for it, that was a trip. The necklace was sewn into a dressline in his cousin's closet. Almost didn’t spot it but something just told me to check.”

Shanda looked at her in awe before pulling her into a fierce hug. “We will definitely saint you.” She promised.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be back this evening. I talked Elmo into letting us have a private dinner tonight.”

Still in shock and admiring the jewel in her hands, Shanda did not notice Alysanne’s exit.

“Come on, finish eating. We need to sleep.”

Shanda looked up from the necklace, pocketing it before glaring at Ben.

“Do you ever do anything besides boss other people around? Or is that a special privilege you save for me?”

He moved to her side, pulling her out of her seat. He then sat in it and pulled her into his lap. She could feel the vibration of his voice when he spoke next.

“Most people don’t need to be reminded to stay on task half as much as you do. Shall you eat or do you need assistance?”

“Agh, whatever!” She picked up a fork and began to pile a plate full of food, ignoring the satisfaction radiating off of him.

“How are you feeling?”

She froze mid forkful for a second before snapping out of it. “I’m as good as can be expected. Better than Royce. Better than Martyn too which means pretty good I’d say.”

“I’ll kill him for you.” He whispered against her neck as she bit into a strawberry. “If he chooses a trial by combat, I’ll cut him open and display his insides.” She slowly swallowed, goosebumps breaking out on her skin as he ran his fingers up and down her arm.

She wanted to be disgusted by his words. She knew she should be. It was wrong to wish death upon anyone and worse to endanger Benjicot’s life to do it. But the fantasy of it played through her mind for longer than it should have before she shut it down.

“Let us pray that does not happen. I only just became a wife, I’d rather wait a moment before becoming a widow.”

“Like he stands a chance of defeating me.” He scoffed, offended at the notion. “Don’t worry about me, my love.” He snuggled into her, squeezing her tightly. Then he abandoned breakfast and took her with him. Lifting her into the air before depositing her on the bed. He crawled in after her and wrapped his arms around her. The two of them settled down together snug under the covers. She felt her eyes drooping closed against her will and she fought a yawn.

“You should be more careful.” She said, failing to contain a yawn.

“Shhh.”

Wrinkling her face in irritation, she snuggled deeper into the bed and fell asleep instantly.

***

A harsh wind snapped around her, her wind temporarily blinding her as she struggled to pull it back. Thunder sounded and she could hear the rain moving across the trees as it grew closer to her. The roar would have been lovely if she hadn’t caught sight of her surroundings. She was on a cliffside, rocky uneven terrain tried to trip her at every turn. The sky was dark with clouds and she squinted for sight of anyone else. Why was she up here again? The cliff made her think of Seaguard though she had never been before and couldn’t know if that’s where she was now

The rain finally reached her, soaking everything and making the uneven ground even more treacherous as she navigated her way down. At least she hoped she was heading down, it was so dark it was hard to tell which way she was going. But something felt oddly familiar to her, she just could not place what it was. She was sure she had never been here before and yet the persistent feeling that she had lingered about her. She kept walking, hoping to see another person or a castle somewhere in the distance. But all she saw was rocks and moss as far as the eye could see.

As she walked, she came up short, nearly plunging off the side of the mountainside cliff. She was sure she had been walking the other way but turned around and continued on. The birds began to show up then. At first it was only a few but the number grew the longer she walked until there were hundreds of them. All watching her with their blackened, unblinking eyes. It made her want to scream. The next time she nearly walked off a cliff, when she turned around a field of crows stood just behind her. They left her no room to walk as they coated the ground around her.

“Get away! What do you want?” She screamed at them, feeling horror at the sight of them.

They all charged her, flying up to peck her face off. She flew backwards in fright, flying off of the cliff. The wind whistled past her louder than it had ever been. And then she hit the water.

Shanda woke with a start, her heart pounding. She stood up, breathing heavily. When she managed to calm her heart she saw Benjicot still fast asleep. Judging by the sunlight coming in, it was only noon. She’d only gotten a few hours of sleep. She walked over to the table where the leftover food sat and poured herself a drink. As she drained it, she thought of the dream. It had mimicked the vision she had in the godswood. That was why it had felt so familiar.

Glancing back at Benjicot, she envied his peaceful slumber. When he woke up, they would have to have a serious conversation about their visions. She wouldn’t let him persuade her away from getting answers this time. It was worrying her not to know what it meant. She hoped this trial was the ensuing storm waiting for her. She wanted this to go as smoothly as possible, given the sensitive nature of the situation the last thing they needed was prophetic revelations happening in the middle of it all.

Placing her cup back on the table she made her way back over to the bed and crawled under the covers. She shivered, it was so blessedly warm inside from the sheer amount of heat Benjicot radiated. She curled up beside him, already half asleep by the time she was fully horizontal.

[genshinconfessions]

"Skin as black as the abyss"?? Because that's the only two choices, right? They either have to be jet black or extremely pale. It's not like there is a million different shades in between.

If they had chosen Cyno's actually-pretty-pale tone as their lightest color for the region, pulled from Kaeya, Xinyan and the Eremite Stone Enchanter then slid us one solidly medium brown character this wouldn't be happening. Sure, there would still be angry people but I think it would have been enough to keep it from escalating like this. But it's looking like they won't even do that much.

Nobody should be making death threats, nobody should be telling anybody to end themselves. This is not something that only one side is doing. Slurs? Most of the slurs that I've been seeing are anti-black. A whole lot of the n-word being dropped by people who are legitimately offended by darker-skinned characters being added to their media.

People from the relevant groups are allowed to have whatever feelings about it that they want but they shouldn't get to speak over others. One of the tactics by the "make 'em all pale" side has been to demote anybody who doesn't agree with them to "white" or "Westernized". (They did this with Sumeru too.) No matter where you grew up or how connected you are to your culture, If you don't agree then you are a "racist gringo" and don't deserve to speak.

Remember: Even without the bad behavior on some people's parts, there is no "acceptable" way to protest this. Anything that can be done that's loud enough to spread the word and maybe get HYV's attention is going to be seen as "childish", "annoying", and "spoiling everything". They want us to just quietly give up and leave. VAs speak up? "If you don't like it just quiiiit!!" You can't do it the right way because there is no right way to them.

Maybe this will do absolutely nothing. But I feel like we need to at least try. Nothing happens by sitting on your hands. People actually attached to the project talking about it and lending support, it making it to gaming news sites, 64,765 signatures on the petition and growing. I don't know, I kind of want to believe that maybe we can make them shift a little bit.

.

[phoenixwitch13]

Michael Guerin Deserves Better Than This Shit

I love both Michael and Alex, and I especially love Malex. I have my crack ships pairing them with other people, but there's no other ship I want more in canon than Malex. That being said, I get really annoyed with Alex stans (I use the word stans instead of fans because they are usually crazy fans who only love Alex and low key seem to hate Michael) who act like Michael is some monster for having dated Maria and like Alex should have been furious with him. Now, I hate Miluca as a ship and Maria DeLuca as a character, so it's not about liking the ship as one of my crack pairings. No, it's all about the fact that for ten years, Alex walked away from Michael. For ten years, Alex broke Michael's heart (I know he had his reasons for his actions and I understand them, but this is still what happened). And for a matter of weeks, Michael dates someone else (because he was not actually with Maria in canon for more than a few weeks and it was, as she said, on a non-exclusive trial basis), and suddenly he's some big bad monster who hurt Alex beyond repair? Sorry, but no. He doesn't deserve to be hated for that. Not when you don't dislike Alex for leaving him over and over again for a decade. You know who Alex should be angry at, though? Maria. He has no right to be angry with Michael for not believing he would stay this time and for trying to move on with someone else (not saying he can't feel hurt, but he doesn't have a right to be angry with Michael the way some stans wanted him to be). But he can be angry with Maria for getting together with Michael after finding out about him being in love with him when she claims to be Alex's best friend. Alex can be angry with Maria all he wants because she was a crappy friend, but being angry with Michael for dating someone else, no matter who that person was, would only make him look like an ass, which is probably why he had no anger toward Michael on the show. The people who think he should be angry with Michael look like hypocrites, especially since many of them happily also ship Alex with Forrest or Kyle or sometimes even Max, Michael's brother. So, what? Only Alex is allowed to be happy with someone else when the love of his life leaves him? Michael just has to suffer? This post is not supposed to be anti Alex. I love him and don't actually think he did anything wrong in canon. What I'm calling out is the behavior of his stans, which is really not cool. Michael doesn't deserve that bullshit, and I think if Alex was a real person, he'd be pissed at anyone who thought Michael deserved for him to be angry with him and to suffer the way some fic writers try to make him.

Also, if you disagree, know you won't change my mind on this, so don't waste your time typing something out to rant at me, okay? I'll probably just delete your reply without finishing reading it. Maria DeLuca stans DNI. Miluca stans DNI. Crazy Alex stans who hate Michael even though that means Alex would hate you, DNI.

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Young Royals Season 2 play-by-play analysis

I should clarify that, as I reread these thoughts and delete some of them, I might be adding some stuff to expand on some ideas, that I wasn’t able to fully articulate at the time.

On to episode 3…

EPISODE 3

I appreciate that Wille is doing what he can to improve things for himself, with both Simon and with his mother. And I feel for him and his frustration at not being able to make it work. Right now he thinks it’s that simple, it should be that simple, but it’s not. It’s going to take a little more work, a little more dedication.

“Prison?” August now realizing the legal consequences of leaking the video, and yet he can’t not be an asshole as he seeks help. “I wouldn’t have called you if I had anyone else to call.” August trying to make it very clear how he feels about his stepdad. I wonder if he feels this way because his mother remarried, because she remarried someone who is “just a lawyer”, or because of his feelings about the way that his father died, and about not having a dad anymore.

I think August really wasn’t aware that leaking the video meant posting child pornography, and this is really the first time he’s hearing it. The other two don’t sound technically as bad in comparison, he probably thinks he can get away with those two. But child pornography? That’s a Prince Andrew level of scandal. And now his stepdad knows too.

And so when Sara encourages August to confess, he already knows that there’s no point, it won’t get him out of it. Because that’s all he thinks about, getting off scott-free.

Vincent constantly singling Simon out and berating him when he’s berating all of them… screw you, Vincent. “I always have to prove myself, otherwise he’ll just blame me.” It hurts that he’s so aware of it. Being in that school constantly makes Simon aware of how much he doesn’t fit in with his peers.

So are students at Hillerska not allowed to order takeout? Or would Wille get questioned by the Royal Court about why he’s ordering takeout for himself and his friend?

The way Simon just went “nope” and stopped working out is so relatable (credit to @themarsbar for that gif, which doesn’t appear in the gif tab so I hat to manually look it up because it’s my fav) . I too would hate kicking my knees up in the fucking snow in the middle of the night. I do love that Rosh is helping him, even though she doesn’t consider rowing a sport. And I love that Ayub is sitting by himself in the fucking cold just to be with his friends.

Rosh: “it’s not because Wille’s on the team?” Simon: “No.” Rosh: “You seem to have trouble keeping away from him.” Simon: No answer…

“I just don’t understand why I can’t fall in love with him.” Oh baby, if only it were that simple. Just because you fell head-over-heels in love with Wille in, like, no time at all doesn’t mean that it’s always like that. You can’t force it. And Rosh’s face realizing that Simon is not a rebound guy, he’s a relationship guy, and he fell hard for Wille and that it’s not going to go away that quickly…

“I know I should feel okay that he’s seeing other people.” No, baby, nobody said that. You’re allowed to feel sad and angry and jealous. Things with Simon didn’t end the way you wanted them too, in fact you didn’t actually want things to end. It’s too soon. These two boys are so impatient.

“Here to see the socialist? But like he’s actually pretty decent”. It’s so annoying how Nils is often such an elitist, but like he’s forcing himself to be. He says something disdainful, but then he says something nice. Or he says something in a disdainful tone, just so that no one around him actually thinks he’s nice. I keep thinking back to s1e1, when Vincent shouts at Simon “can you sing louder?” Obviously to embarrass him. But when Simon walks past August, Vincent and Nils, Nils says “hey you’ve got good pipes” or something, but he says it in a tone that makes it seem like a backhanded compliment, it sounds like bullying, because he’s with his friends. God forbid he might be upfront and nice…

“When you’re struggling, it can be helpful to see someone like me.” Wilhelm realizing that Erik was not as perfect as he thought, that he also had struggles. “So that you don’t feel you have to risk hurting somebody.” Does that mean that Erik struggled with self-destructive behaviors?

“He was always saying that we should keep what’s private private. That’s how we were raised. Otherwise… otherwise people take advantage.” Wille, like Erik, seems to have a skewed perspective of what privacy means and what secrecy means.

Wille’s whole confession about feeling lonely makes me so sad. He really feels like Erik is the only one who cared, and now he’s gone. “Then last year I made a new friend who awakened new feelings in me… in a way I wish I hand’t, it was better not knowing how it could feel…” Crying every single time…

It’s interesting how earlier Rosh was pointing out that Simon can’t seem to keep away from Wille. Maybe he is, but then he picks up the book that later Wille has to pick too because it’s the only one left, just by… coincidence? (No such thing. It’s the universe telling them something… *cough* soulmates *cough*)

Wille realizing that Kris by Karin Boye is basically about him… (and of course dear Henry being completely dense, love him).

Simon being conflicted about what he should tell Wille, because he doesn’t owe him anything, and yet knowing that Wille will be sad about it, and also knowing that there’s really nothing going on between him and Marcus (not from his side, at least) and not wanting to use Marcus to make Wille jealous or to simply be a rebound but actually knowing deep down that was the whole point of starting anything with Marcus. And then ultimately deciding that he doesn’t want Wille to be sad…

Simon watching Wille’s face as he processes the information. He had already pretty much decided at this point that he wasn’t going to continue to pursue anything with Marcus, and Wille’s reaction pretty much cemented it. Just like Wille still cares about Simon, Simon unfortunately still cares very much for Wille. He’ll just have to get over him the old-fashioned way. By writing a heartbreak song…

Sara asking Felice to promise that they will find better new owners for Rousseau and then feeling betrayed when Rousseau is still sold to those people is very similar to Simon’s reaction when Wille said he wouldn’t say anything about the video and then doing the interview to deny it was him. Neither Sara nor Simon understand that Felice and Wille weren’t given a choice, their parents decided for them. As privileged as Felice and Wille are, they still have to abide by their families wishes, even if they don’t agree.

“Can’t forget our golden days.” If that’s not an on-the-nose reference to all the golden Wilmon moments, then I don’t know…

“There they are our fucking slaves.” Jesus Christ, Vincent, what a choice of words. And getting all high and mighty and getting in Henry’s face… What the actual fuck… What’s more shocking about this whole tyrannical tirade is that the Housemaster is just sitting there! The entire time, he’s sitting there, watching, like it’s no big deal, like it’s totally okay for Vincent to speak like that and to treat his housemates like that.

When Walter comes to ask August if he’s coming to the shooting range, and August says “You can tell Judas that I’m not ready to make peace”… the irony, when he’s the biggest traitor of them all…

Simon coming into the frame as the lyrics say “I need you to hear what I mean and not what I say” as he heads over to talk to Marcus and tell him he’s not ready for a relationship… and then Marcus being pushy and not listening to him… ugh…

Simon asking Sara if she’s friends with August, and her basically lying. Or maybe it’s the truth. They are not friends. She blackmailed him into helping her get into Manor House, and now she’s horny for him. August, however, does seem to think he can trust Sara, and she revealed to him that Felice is the one who told Wille who the culprit was… maybe that’s what August thinks friendship is. August probably thinks that friendship is just convenience; you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. He probably also thinks that friendship has an element of idolatry, he idolized Erik in his time, and when he became the senior student and prefect and rowing team leader, he was in turn “idolized” (no, he wasn’t, he was tolerated, unlike Erik who, judging from the way that people talk about him, when he was still alive and now that he’s dead, probably was actually idolized, and August has not been able to replicate his popularity the same way, but since people still followed him as the leader then he thought he was doing fine… and now he knows he wasn’t). He thinks that his friends have all betrayed him… no August, your friends were never really your friends, and they’re done with your bullshit.

Sara rubbing in Simon’s face that he gives people second chances (“and third and fourth and fifth…”), but also kind of making it sound like maybe it’s not such a bad thing to give August a second chance. Maybe that’s the way she thinks now, because she’s getting closer to August… Sara had some very strict standards for Simon and then became upset when he disappointed her, but then she goes and makes similar mistakes, but doesn’t seem to be aware of how unfair that is.

The way she says to Rousseau “he’s going to see Marcus…” like she thinks it’s a good thing, like Simon seemed excited about it… the way she says in episode 2 “at least he doesn’t need rescuing all the time”… the fact that Sara hasn’t been home since the beginning of class and they haven’t hung out as much… it makes me think two things: that Sara doesn’t really understand or doesn’t perceive how messed up Simon is over his breakup with Wille, and therefore thinks that Simon is really moving on with Marcus, OR Simon has really kept all his feelings bottled up since before Christmas and therefore neither Linda nor Sara know really how much his breakup with Wille has affected him, and therefore Sara honestly thinks that Simon is moving on with Marcus (which would also explain why Linda was so enthusiastic about Marcus as well). I feel both might be true because of how much Simon doesn’t want to show how much things affect him because he doesn’t want to burden his mother with these issues, because he thinks he needs to be strong (“eres fuerte, Simon”), and so he has tried to force himself to move on or dealt with his emotions in private)… and therefore, if Sara doesn’t really understand how much this breakup affected Simon, how much Wille really meant to him, because she either hasn’t been there or because he hasn’t really shown her how he feels, then she doesn’t understand how desperate Simon is to move on and how much he’s still hurting. Not only that, she doesn’t seem to understand how traumatizing the video leaking was for Simon (after all, she was only really thinking of herself when it happened and it started to have a ripple effect, with their mum wanting to pull them both out of Hillerska).

And it makes me wonder what things would have been like between Wille and Simon if the video hadn’t leaked, what their relationship would have been like it their privacy hadn’t been violated… it sucks to go to that mentality immediately, that “everything happens for a reason” (not when it shouldn’t have happened), and it sucks because but maybe all of these terrible things that happened to them, as traumatizing as they have been, it forced both Wille and Simon to do some hard introspection, mature in many aspects, and find themselves coming out stronger out the other side… it sucks, because they’re just kids, and they didn’t deserve it… but also the only thing left to do in that situation is to focus on the positive outcome and work through the trauma… but I can’t help but imagine for them a life in which they didn’t unfairly get thrown into all this turmoil…

“I never said that I thought that you would hurt me.” Listen, Marcus, he doesn’t have to talk to you about this. He just said he’s not ready, he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready. If you’re a decent human being, you will back off. And why the fuck bring up the video???? This means that you know, you have known this entire time, about the video, about Wilhelm. You know that, if there are weird vibes with Wille, then Wille is definitely the guy from the video. You know that he’s probably trying to get over him… (and yes, you watched it, admit it, you watched it and you liked what you saw).

The rest of that conversation just boils my blood… “I know you don’t want to destroy something so beautiful.” Fuck you and fuck you for making Simon’s resolve weaken with your gaslighting and your superiority complex.

Sara doesn’t know that August has already looked into everything that could happen to him as consequence of the video, he used to think he was just going to lose everything because the monarchy would not tolerate it, but now he knows that he might even go to prison. Sara doesn’t, she still thinks he might want to redeem himself.

Simon cheering for Wille during the competition, then promptly stopping when he realizes that Marcus is there.

When Vincent falls off the chair, Forest Ridge is still ahead. When Simon gets in the chair, they’re still ahead. It’s some time after that that they lose their lead, and lose. But Vincent still blames Simon for losing.

Also August defending Simon in the locker room. Is he arguing with Vincent because he knows Vincent is wrong? Is it because Vincent pisses him off? Is it guilt because of what he did to Simon? Is it because Simon is Sara’s brother? All of the above? Also the “It doesn’t matter, it’s not real” argument because nothing matters to August anymore now that he doesn’t have the power. All the things that mattered so much to him are now so obviously pointless, he either realizes that it’s all meaningless, or he wants to diminish the significance, now that it’s not as important because he’s not at the top looking down

Wille putting on a sad song because it’s the only way he can process seeing Simon kiss Marcus and Simon not being on the team with him anymore. Everything is crumbling, let me listen to sad music and look at pictures of my ex to make myself feel worse. We get you, sweet prince. Next season that photo album will be brimming with cute pictures, new pictures, happy pictures…

That’s not Drottningholm palace or Stockholm palace, is it? As any nerd of this show, I’ve done some research and can’t match the façade of the palace where August arrives to any of the royal palaces of Sweden… but it’s at the waterfront…?

“If, and only if, Wilhelm can’t stand the pressure to take over the throne…” interesting choice of words. She’s saying that only if Wilhelm can’t do it, if he doesn’t want to do it, if he chooses to abdicate, then August would be next in line. Does that mean that if Kristina doesn’t think Wilhelm should be Crown Prince anymore because of his choice to be with Simon or any other reason, as long as he’s up for it he will still be the Crown Prince? They can’t justify him not being fit for it, it has to come from him?

”This will stay between us”, she says, then she tells Wilhelm without hesitation. Maybe it was indeed just a plan. Probably Kristina did need to get a backup (she does say it wasn’t her idea), but the main point of it, especially the point of choosing August, was to light a fire in Wilhelm, make him want to stay Crown Prince, just so that August will never be. (And then Wille turns the tables majestically on her, pun not intended).

I appreciate that she clarifies that it wasn’t her idea, because under the circumstances she would never choose him, the motherly side of her would always side with Wilhelm, but… the queen side of her wins again.

August’s self-satisfied smile, urgh… he’s back in the game. But he can’t tell anyone. He’s just gonna be smug all the time.

“How long do I have to feel like this?” Not long, baby, not long.

Every time… this scene… it’s like watching a train crash… but they both went in for the kiss at the exact same time. Felice definitely has some lingering feelings for Wille. And he knows she wanted him before, so maybe it would be pretty easy, this thing between them…? Let’s give it a try, perhaps? They’re both lonely, and he was desperate and she was not going to say no, so they basically kind of took advantage of each other.

When Felice stops, her resolve immediately weakens when he looks at her, because she probably got all hot and bothered, but she wants to check with him if this is okay. Wilhelm isn’t thinking, he’s desperate for touch, for getting Simon out of his head, for hopefully finding something equally as powerful with someone else, so he’s not even hesitating. He can trust Felice, she’s his friend. It’s not until Henry walks in that he snaps out of it, that he remembers where they are, who they are and what they’re doing, and now someone else knows. His privacy just keeps getting intruded upon…

(Next episode… ohmaigaddd, next episode, so tempted to rewatch just for the heck of it… )

[teaveetamer]

I am curious, I've been watching the discourse going on for a bit without getting involved and at this point I feel like I have to ask.

What is the desired result here? Why are you engaging in the discourse at all? Clearly this is not a discussion, so what do you gain from interacting at all?

(I will send this to several people, just out of curiosity)

Alright anon allow me to explain what's been going on with me on my end.

The year is 2019 (yes, we're doing this). FE3H has just come out. I play it and rather enjoy it actually. I've got a couple of ships that I'm into, some fanfic I want to write, etc.

I go onto Reddit to chat with people about the game. Now I don't really like Edelgard, but I'm chill, I'm open to discussing the game and getting alternate viewpoints. Initially it's more or less fine.

Then some posts start coming up. People start getting really aggressive about this. I'm trying to have a conversation, but it feels like their goal is just to shout me down. I get in arguments, I get in fights, I get misgendered, I get called a bigot, I get frustrated, I get ablest rhetoric spewed at me, and I waste my life.

Stop. Take a look at myself. I'm literally sitting here arguing about Edelgard von fucking Hresvelg for hours of my day. I'm annoyed, I'm irritated, I'm always in a bad mood. Ugh.

Now it's 2020, early times I think. I resolve to stop looking at Reddit so much with regard to this game. It's not worth the hassle and the frustration. I should be, like, out doing things and having fun not wasting my time arguing with a bunch of weirdos on the internet. I want to have fun again, not be angry. I delete the Reddit app from my phone and install a blocker on my web browsers, even.

Start using Tumblr for more than just shippy stuff, and find people who agree with me, who are saying the things I've been saying. I stop feeling crazy for liking the game the way I like it. I make a few posts on my main blog but you know what, I don't really want my main blog embroiled in this shit, though I want to add my voice to the conversation. So I make this side blog.

Make some posts. I get flooded with asks from other people about the game, saying they agree with me and they're thankful that they aren't the only ones who think the way I do. I think within like a month of existing this blog had double the posts of my main blog (which has existed since 2016, so for four years at that point), most of them from asks.

The blog was initially for me to vent and throw in my two cents here and there, but I figure I'll keep it around in regular use because people seem to be benefiting from it.

Early on I tried to establish a rule for myself that 1) I wasn't going to go looking in any main tags (e.g. the Edelgard or Edelgard Positive tags) for stuff to reblog or talk about, and 2) I wasn't going to go into any Edelgard specific spaces looking for stuff to talk about (e.g. r/Edelgard or even Dimitri-critical tags). However, anything maintagged that was looking for a fight (e.g. a Dimitri-critical post in the main Dimitri tag) was fair game.

I'm not perfect, but I did try to stick to that rule. I talked about things that happened on the main FE Sub or FEH sub. I did my best to encourage my anons to not go seeking out stuff to bring back to me from Edelgard spaces. After all, this blog was meant for venting and having my own personal space where I could talk about my views without getting accosted. I thought it would be petty for me to go bring back stuff from other places.

Moving into 2021, I was kind of done with 3H. I was still getting like dozens of asks a day about 3H discourse. I'd answer one and five more would pop up in their place. By now we're like, well beyond 3x or 4x the amount of posts I have on my main blog. I'm getting kind of tired of it. It's a lot of the same points over and over and over. We're in pandemic times, so I can't even walk away from it and do something else IRL for a while before coming back to it. I feel like I'm wasting my life again. I feel like I've said anything and everything I could have possibly said about the subject. I ask people to stop talking to me about Edelgard. Eventually, everyone mostly obliges.

I still chat about it here and there, but I'm chatting about other stuff too. This blog is still about venting just about venting about more than 3H. A lot more petty fandom shit in general.

Now we're in, like, 2022. I don't remember exactly, Pandemic Time makes some of this a bit of a blur. I notice a new kid on the block, doing basically what I'd noticed happening on Reddit. Going into the wrong tags. Picking fights. Posting things in the wrong tags. Picking fights.

I'm over it, I'm done, I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I block the dude. Most people I know block the dude or ignore him. We figure he's new here, he just hasn't learned the etiquette.

He gets increasingly hostile. I'm not really paying that much attention, just getting info about it from the fringes. Again, we figure eventually he'll just go away if we ignore him.

Then Nilsh gets harassed off the platform.

My mutuals are getting increasingly hostile anons and combative reblogs.

At this point I'm relatively unaffected. I guess because I don't tag anything, so he didn't find it.

And you know what? I'm still like "he'll get bored. He'll leave eventually." We were all like "just ignore him, he'll leave eventually."

People try to explain tags to him. Try to help him curate his experience so he quits arguing with people who don't want to talk to him all the time.

Then Moonlitboar gets harassed off of the platform. They take the URL. He's bragging about having done it. He's spreading this vitriol to other platforms and convincing others to join in on the harassment.

And I'm like. Okay. This dude isn't leaving. This is what he wants. His goal isn't to talk about this game—his goal is to hurt us.

I unblock him and respond. We go back and forth. He stops... for a time.

Here's the thing. I didn't re-block him after that, and I didn't do that for a couple of reasons. First, because at this point I'm still hopeful that he's just unaware of what he's doing, and that he'll acknowledge how messed up it was and apologize. I'm all for second chances. The second, because he's dangerous and I'm worried that if I don't keep tabs on him, he's going to try to hurt me.

It's not long until he's doing the same shit again. He tries harassing BWIIDT, he tries harassing FantasyInvader, he tries harassing Ezra, he tries harassing RandomNameless, he tries harassing Emblemxeno, he tries harassing Gascon, he tries harassing people I've literally never even heard of. I keep calling him out, and he tries harassing me. He calls me hysterical, accuses me of acting like a victim. Tries to make me feel stupid and small by saying I don't have anything worth his attention to respond to.

(By the way dude, my point about that was that you were being misogynistic but treating discourse like it was only worth responding to if it came from a man. See, I noticed that you only liked to attack people you thought were cishet white men like yourself, even if we were saying basically the same things at times. The fact that you continue not "debunking" any of my posts doesn't upset me; it proves my point)

He blocks me. I can't say for certain why, but my bet is that he realized people were actually listening to what I had to say, and having a queer woman question the actions he purported to be for the benefit of queer women wasn't a great look for him.

He's still trying to harass me. He's taking screenshots, he's using my name, he's @ ing me. He's casually lying about me. He's using sexist rhetoric implying that I shouldn't be listened to because I'm just too ~in my feelings~ and he's the true victim of my hysterical victimized martyr complex (geez, you sure a a feminist ally for that one, aren't you?)

You know, I did actual research when one of my anons accused him of being a trump supporter and tried to lie about him? I burned an entire evening on that, because I didn't want to be spreading lies about people. Meanwhile he lets his anons casually and repeatedly misgender me without so much as a passing correction, and he hangs out with people who spread lies and slander accusing others of heinous crimes.

And you know what? If I knew it was going to be like this? I'd still waste that evening and correct that anon. It's not about getting a petty win or convincing people he's a bad person for me. It's about being respected.

So to get back to your question. Why am I doing this? Because I have to. Because I know that if I don't he's going to hurt someone else, just like how he hurt Nilsh and Moonlitboar. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, after all. We ignored him and he didn't leave, so now we have to say something.

What's the desired result? I want to be respected, like I've tried to respect them for almost the entirety of this blog's existence. I want my boundaries acknowledged. I want him to stop hurting people for no other reason than to hurt them, because they don't agree with him.

When will I stop? When he stops.

[a-student-out-of-time]

The only thing that concerns me is if Despair Time will make it past the “Great Fanganronpa Filter.”

If you are unaware of this, I tried explaining it before but Tumblr garbled my asks of it up, it’s a worrying trend I’ve noticed where Chapter 2s tend to be when most fanganronpas get cancelled. If you don’t believe me, think of all the fangans that got cancelled and the Chapter they did it.

Yep it’s Chapter 2. And since this happens so often, I’ve dubbed it the “Great Fanganronpa Filter” based off the Great Filter which is one of the many many theories why we haven’t found life on other planets yet.

Why is it Chapter 2 seems to be like this? Well my theory is most fangan creators have a plan in mind for the Prologue and Chapter 1 and they are in the honeymoon period where everything is peachy and nice. Chapter 2 is when they start trying to introduce their themes and the honeymoon period ends and the reality of the amount of work they have to do sinks in.

Because when compared to other fanworks fanganronpas are extremely challenging to write. Not only do you need a good theme and mysteries in place, you also need to write 5-6 murder cases and on top of that you need at least 16 well thought out and complex characters. That is a lot of work and throw in any irl issues and this is why most creators cannot do it.

And given how exhausted and burns it out DT Dev is, I fear this could lead to a cancellation. I could be wrong and any fangan that goes past Chapter 3 is very likely to finish, but we are at the critical stage.

//I feel inclined to point out that, based on what they've said, it seems more like their biggest issue has been how visceral the push-back was against their story decisions in this chapter before it was even done. So many people were furious with the decision to make Ace the killer before the ending was even out and were straight up quitting DT over it.

//I'm not exempt from this, but I was more disappointed than angry until the ending came out, then that completely rectified my opinions. I admit I still have criticisms, but contrary to what numerous annoying anons have claimed, they have nothing to do with Arei's death. I'm happy she wasn't forgotten by the end.

//The biggest problems I've seen DT experience all really have more to do with how poorly the fandom treats the dev, how entitled and nasty they can get- including harassing the dev and the VAs- and how many really misconstrue the actual content of the story and demonize some characters past the point of rationality.

//If you think I'm exaggerating, TA showed me a youtube comment under one DT video from someone who believed, because Nico tried to kill Ace, they didn't deserve to have anyone use their proper pronouns. Which I understand is not indicative of the entire fanbase, but it's still disgusting and it's the sort of behavior that can't be allowed to go unaddressed.

//We had to wait 17 months for Part 2 to continue. It's already a lot of hard work, you're absolutely right, and it's probably harder because DT is a web series and not in a game engine. It's not going to come faster if all the dev gets is hate and bad behavior.

//You're right that a lot of fangans don't reach Chapter 3 for various reasons, but with something like DT, it needs even more time and more effort. We may not always agree with their story decisions, but they've admitted this is their first big writing project and it's already turned out really well if you ask me.

//The point here is, while the Great Fangan Filter is true, they should also be examined on a case-by-case basis for why they don't all make it. DT's creator is talented and skilled, but those are things that need to be fostered constructively. I sympathize with them greatly because I've faced a lot of pushback myself over the years, but I've always managed to persevere.

//If we want DT continue, and other fangans to continue at that, we need to understand that these are just really passionate people who are doing these for free so we can enjoy them. Not that it means they're above criticism, but that we shouldn't think this status means they're above decency and understanding either.

//Didn't mean to turn this into a rant, but I'm very passionate about this issue because I relate ^^;