#i actually haven’t pinned down which fairytale characters they’d be…but i’m working on it!!!

[snowangeldotmp3]

time for even more Lore for the ouat au: jargyle edition!!

ok so in the real world, jonathan dresses similarly to how he does in the show, especially in season 1. he’s the photographer for the local paper, and he loves doing that! he just kind of wishes he had more opportunities than just the paper, you know? he’d do anything for his mom and his kid brother, and often helps them out as much as he can.

in the enchanted forest, the byers are not anybody special. they’re not rich, they live just on the outskirts of the kingdom, but they do what they can and they’re happy. jonathan dresses very plainly, and he doesn’t normally carry weapons. as i mentioned before in the weapons post, he likely carries a short sword—only because joyce asked him to. on the right is what i’d imagine he’d look like if he had to fight, of course he wouldn’t really want to, but he’d know it had to be done, especially to protect his family. i like to think he also carries a shield of some sort(likely left behind by his no good father) but i couldn’t find a good enough reference photo for that 😅

in the real world, argyle is a pharmacist. well…kind of. he does own and operate a pharmacy, but he also sells that purple palm tree delight and other…products upon request. but other than that he knows exactly what people need to cure whatever ails them. i also don’t think argyle dresses any different than he does in the show, so just imagine these outfits with like, a pharmacist’s coat/apron over them

in the enchanted forest, argyle is THE healer. he knows the forest best, and he creates all these balms and salves and creams and whatever else people may need. he doesn’t like fighting, and actively avoids fights if he can manage it. he doesn’t even carry a weapon, save for a knife he carries to cut some herbs from the ground. i will say, in the enchanted forest i imagine that long hair can get troublesome, so i like to think he wears it in braids when he can. this is the only photo of eduardo i could find where he’s actually wearing his hair in two pigtail braids, so i hope that’s a decent enough visual. as for the other two, the green outfit is what i imagine he wears on the regular, and the apron outfit is what he carries all his important salves and occasional potions with.

(tagging @perceivedregret for brain rot sharing purposes!!)

[theastrophilearchitect]

A new project.

Because the first one wasn’t working. Writing journey #3.

Tue 30/03/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ Word Count: 42,150 07.27 Hello! So I established in my last writing update that I was taking a break from my WIP ‘Bay Tree’, to return May 10th, and even though I’m not writing today, I just wanted to say that taking a break feels amazing. I’m focusing on reading (granted, I’ve been reading House of Earth and Blood for like two weeks) and it’s really helping ideas for edits develop. 

In my draft, I got to chapter 13 (I think) of twenty-something (because I didn’t fully outline the climax, so I’m unclear as to how many chapters there will ultimately be) but I just don’t think I can get all the way through a draft without first doing some developmental edits. So, for the next few weeks, I’m going to note the changes I think I could make, then figure out which ones I won’t implement, then how I will implement the others on May 10th.

In the meantime, this Thursday, I’m going to start working on a new WIP, which I have quite a clear idea for, but obviously need to develop the plot. So that’s it for today, and I’ll update again for my new project on Thursday April 1st.

Thu 01/04/2021 09.54 It is Thursday! I’m free for a couple weeks! Which means it’s time to start working on a new project. My goal for the day is just to compile some of the various ideas I have into something vaguely cohesive, then I’ll develop it tomorrow, and hopefully make a skeletal outline on Saturday, scene block on Sunday... I’m going to shut up before I set myself a thousand insane deadlines, but I’d like to have started a draft by the end of my free time. So, let’s go.

Wow. Blank documents really are intimidating, aren’t they?

13.04 I already had my core concept, but now I have almost a justification for it--why it happens, and I think I want to build up my world first, then characters, because knowing the world and its various peoples will allow me to figure out how exactly they fit in and develop their motivations, then finally do the plot. I’ll only work out the three characters I’m currently certain will be integral for the plot, because I don’t want to waste time on developing characters who are ultimately unnecessary, like I did in the earliest days of Bay Tree. 

Basically, with a world, I can work out motivations; with motivations, I can work out characters, and with characters, I can create a character-driven plot. I want to focus on creating both lovable characters and a memorable plot--I know all my favourite books have memorable characters, but the ones I enjoy the absolute most are the ones where it doesn’t feel like the plot only exists to drive the characters into relationships (I’m looking at you, Cassandra Clare. Seriously, I love Shadowhunters books, but the technically ‘main’ plots always feel second to the subplots).

Fri 02/04/2021 08.16 Honestly, didn’t get too much done yesterday. Mostly because I ended up down a rabbit hole of researching (though I do think what I learned will help me to form my world), and I was busier than I expected to be. Regardless, I think I want to make this a series. I have a feeling Bay Tree is also going to become at least two books when I revisit it, but I’m going to go into this one with that intention.

Obviously I don’t know how long it will be right now, but I think I’m going to aim for three books, then let it shape itself.

12.25 I just spent an hour writing out a history of the world and how it got to where it is. This is really fun, but really intense.

16.36 So, I have a rough plot in mind. I have an ending, a catalyst, a backstory for the world, and a few characters. And a lot of things that need names. I waited a really long time to name my characters in Bay Tree, thinking they’d be easier to name when I had then conceptualised, which makes sense, but I’d given them numbers with which to refer to them until that point, so it was a long time before my protagonist became her actual name instead of just ‘3′, despite the fact she technically became 2 because I had to cut 1.

Anyway, going to pick names, then let nominative determinism do its thing.

Jesus, I have no good male names. I keep a list of names, first and last, I like for use, but I have so many more female ones than I do male.

In Bay Tree, I used MBTIs as a starting point for personalities, which I’m planning to do here, especially since I know the types so much better now, but I want names first.

Maybe I just ought to choose this specific character’s surname first. Maybe he goes by his surname, or some variation thereupon (like how Daniel Arlington from Ninth House goes by Darlington).

Maybe he doesn’t need a name. Maybe we literally just call him Hero Guy.

God, screw this. He’s Hero Guy until either it comes to me, or I have no choice but to name him.

Sat 03/04/2021 11.15 I feel like crap today. I’ve been doing nothing for three hours, and I, quite frankly, need to get something done. So I’m going to write.

12.41 Wow, initial development really is the hardest bit of the process, huh?

Sun 04/04/2021 08.04 I’d really like to do more worldbuilding first, and character development, but it’s difficult when I don’t know the different parts’ roles. So, today, I’m going to attempt to outline the primary plot points of the three books. Attempt being the operative word here.

13.41 Honestly, yeah, I’m struggling with the plot. I think I managed to get Bay Tree’s plot so fast when I sat down to actually write it because it had been on my brain for a couple weeks, whereas I literally started this project three days ago.

Maybe that’s how I’ll handle this--when I hit a wall with one project, I work on the other to give myself some distance. Working on Bay Tree requires less thought anyway, because that plot’s already mostly figured out. Yeah. I think I’m going to revisit Bay Tree, but for reference’s sake, I’m going to dub the new project... eh... the first thing that came to mind was ‘Feather President’ which is more related to the actual content than ‘Bay Tree’, but it sounds so much crazier. I want to dub it something that actually could be a title, even if it definitely won’t be the final title, because I don’t want people to look at my blog, see ‘Feather President’ in the pinned post and immediately assume I’m insane.

Could always just use an acronym. Let’s go with FSB; those are one of the character’s (also the only character who so far has a name) initials, which may ultimately change, but it works for now. Bay Tree and FSB.

I’m going to end this particular writing stint here and come back in a couple hours, at which point I’m going to switch back to Bay Tree.

I should really stop planning so far ahead when my plans will inevitably change.

15.40 So here’s the plan I currently have that I definitely won’t stick to: at the start of each week, I’ll determine which project I work on (operating Monday-Sunday; if you think the week starts any day but Monday, you’re wrong, and I’m not sorry), and only work on that project throughout the week. So I’ll work on Bay Tree this week, and FSB next week.

I’m going to let myself work on a project for more than one week at a time, but I think I’m going to say I can only work on one for three consecutive weeks before I have to switch to the other. This seems like a good way to stay excited. Yes.

This second? Not completely sure. Might just go read and deal with it tomorrow.

Mon 05/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 11.37 Actually really glad I just sat down and read--I read about 200 pages yesterday in total, which meant I could easily finish the last 100 pages this morning. So I finished Starsight (the recent reads post will probably be up by the time this one is)--was anyone aware the A Court of Silver Flames paperback is £24 on Amazon? Anyone?

Anyway, we’re returning to Bay Tree today, after nearly two weeks (I know that’s not even long), and I’m going to attempt to implement my edits, by which I mean I’m going to put scene changes at the bottom in brackets, then technically implement them when I redraft.

Tue 06/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 09.11 I didn’t exactly accomplish much yesterday. I spent a good few hours just watching YouTube, because I didn’t have any motivation to do work, which screwed up my schedule, and I did no writing aside from transferring my list of edits from my phone to my document. I started reading Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, but didn’t get very far in--I’m obsessed with Stiefvater’s writing style; it’s the perfect mix between typical prose and fairytale-style storytelling. Anyway.

I’m going to switch to a new Scrivener project for the sake of cleaning it up--Bay Tree is a hot mess right now--and hopefully begin to implement my edits--maybe not today, but certainly this week.

Thu 08/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 16.53 So I haven’t yet had a day where I’ve done nothing (since my break finished), but the last couple days I’ve just been doing tiny amounts of what I’m calling ‘reference pruning’, where I’m just editing and clarifying character, worldbuilding and location documents. I’ve ‘pruned’ five character references, and I hate it. It needs to be done, but it doesn’t need to be done now. I’ve decided I’m just going to completely clear out the new Scrivener project I started for Bay Tree, and add stuff to it as it becomes necessary. I’m going to make notes of overarching edits (stuff I can’t just note at the bottom of a scene), and just get started with draft 1.7, adding and editing references as it becomes necessary. I’m also going to say I just need to spend an hour writing a day, rather than a word minimum.

Okay. Edits established. Things to bear in mind established. I need to go through the character profile for the POV character in chapter one, then we can get started. Or rather, I’ll get started tomorrow, because I need to go cook soon, and even if I do have time after dinner, I’m not going to, because I’m going to read then. Okay. Character.

I’m getting excited again!

Oh, and the setting. I need to do the setting document.

I’d like to draw attention tot he fact one of my character documents describes her as having ‘black upturned gold eyes.’ 

Clearly I couldn’t pick a colour, but now I’m inspired to give her heterochromia.

Character done, and setting undone, but I need to go cook now, so I’ll pick this back up tomorrow, when I may also do some actual work.

I just hope these posts give someone security in that writing is a messy process, and you don’t have to be perfect all the time to be a) competent, and b) a writer. I’m a competent writer, and I’ve only ever written about 60% of a draft. But I’m still going, still trying, and that’s the point.

Fri 09/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 484 words 09.15 Okay. So we’re redrafting, and this is like my fourth draft of the first chapter, so let’s just go.

Sun 11/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 576 words 09.01 Yeah, I missed yesterday. Ironically, having time off seems to be making productivity more difficult, despite the fact I actually have time for it. 

09.19 I feel like this project is making me stagnate. I think what I have is almost subconsciously tying me down, preventing me from improving, but I don’t want to just restart, because I want my bases, and it’s so ingrained in my head, I can’t physically start from scratch. Crap.

I think it needs to sit for longer. Crap.

It’s alright. I mean, it sucks, but it’s alright. It’s not like there’s any ideal age to become an author anyway, and I’m a long way off the average. I have time, and if it takes shelving projects now to complete better ones later, so be it. Maybe I’ll return to Bay Tree in a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years, or never, but I’ve learnt a lot from it.

So we move on.

Mon 12/04/2021 - FSB 08.05 This post is such a mess. I’m a mess at the moment. Today, we’re just continuing to work on FSB’s plot, and I think I’m already going to change the name of the character whose initials are FSB, so its nickname will probably change, too.

I had a trilogy in mind, but looking at it now, I think a duology will be best to convey the arc I have in mind.

21.51 I’ve actually accomplished quite a lot today--I’ve mostly been doing character profiles, but that helps me form tidbits to add to the story, which I can eventually string together. We’re progressing.

Tue 13/04/2021 - FSB 08.37 Hello! I think I can safely come to the conclusion I prefer development to actual drafting. Anyway, today I’m going to focus on completing the character profile for my other protagonist and do a little more work on another important figure. Then, I hope to be able to figure out the drive of the main plot in book one.

On another note, I am debating whether to plan out two books or three. Mulling it over, I think three books would give a more fulfilling arc, but it depends if I can work out enough content for the main plot. We’ll see.

Yeah, it’s going to be three. Two just can’t carry the impact I want.

20.00 I made pretty good progress today, but I just wanted to make the point I’m a lot more confident this project will hold my interest for longer than Bay Tree. This was something ruminating in the back of my mind for weeks, that I was desperate to write, where Bay Tree was very much a ‘sit down, make something up’ process at the beginning. Anyway, I think I’m done writing for the day, and I’ll get back to this tomorrow. (Because unlike most writers, I have a functional sleep schedule)

Wed 14/04/2021 09.19 Honestly, my head is empty right now, so I really need to open my project before determining what I want to do today.

Okay, so we’re basically just going to continue filling in holes.

14.50 Working out the plot, I’m pretty confident I’ve got the A plot covered, which the B plot will fit into, but I need more subplots.

Thu 15/04/2021 10.12 I want to work this one out mostly on the fly. I have nearly the whole of book one plotted out, but I want to work out the fine details as I write it; as I go, I’ll add more detail to my outlines of two and three. But for now, book one.

15.28 I’ve got basically the whole of book one covered; there’s just a gaping hole in act one, that I’m not sure I can fill. I mean, I can fill it, and I will, but I don’t feel like it’ll be that intentional of a thing. I think it’ll be more of an accidental idea that happens to flourish, but I’m going to keep working nonetheless.

Fri 16/04/2021 14.08 Good afternoon! I would’ve started writing earlier, but I wanted to catch up on the reading I didn’t do yesterday to make sure I finish A Court of Silver Flames within a week, so I can return the ebook and get a refund, because, despite being £6 cheaper than the paperback, it still cost me £8, and I want my money back. (Seriously, the paperback is fourteen pounds on amazon. Which is nearly twenty dollars. Which is pretty standard for a hardback, but it’s the paperback.) I’m about ten pages off meeting my minimum for the day (though I need to surpass that if I do want to finish it within a week), but it’s writing time.

14.37 I’m still establishing how, exactly, it applies, but I think I’ve solved it!

Definitely happy that as I’m planning, all I want is to make the characters happy, because I already love them so much. But they don’t get to be.

I have a section on a Pinterest board that’s just called ‘Simping’, and is just pictures of couples doing cute as shit things, and I literally just want my characters to dance together. Always. In Bay Tree, in FSB. Just dancing.

15.04 I have book one covered. It still needs development, scene development, but I can now move on to outlining book two, during which I’ll continue to develop one, integrate themes and such. 

Honestly, the plot falling into place is absolutely the most exciting part of writing. I get an adrenaline rush (yes, while sitting in a chair, typing), I start to love the characters, the world, the story... ahhhh.

I’m actually really satisfied with how the plot seems to be going.

16.44 The word ambiguous has too many Us in it. Three vowels in a row??? And the vowel sequence is a palindrome?? Don’t want it. 

I’m just sat here discovering new music. And it’s all so good and so dramatic and so perfect.

Okay, why do I have to come up with ideas so easily when I don’t need them? Then when I do I have nothing?

17.51 And just to clarify now, this post will actually end with Sunday the 18th, because after that I’m going to take three weeks completely off writing (aside from noting ideas), because I have a lot going on, then I’ll return on May 10th.

Note to self: develop a character who isn’t one of your two protagonists.

Sat 17/04/2021 10.23 I’m thinking I ought to do a more in-depth outline of book one before doing the basis of book two. Help me set up subplots and so on. Yanno, because other characters need some kind of agency, and I currently basically have two characters.

Sun 18/04/2021  08.52 I managed to plot out Bay Tree so fast because I’d already done so much development--plot was the only thing I was still missing. Anyway, I’m having a minor crisis. I think I’m a plotter, but I’m not entirely certain. It clearly didn’t work for Bay Tree. I think I may just start a draft of FSB now, and hope that lets me work out the other two books as I go.

In one of my excessive plans I will probably fail to stick to: I think I’d like to write a draft of the whole trilogy, all the way through, before even editing book one. I’ll obviously make notes of edits as I go, write as if I’ve already made them, eg. if, while writing book two, I have an idea for a book one edit, I’ll write book two as if I’ve already implemented it, which means I’ll have a little less editing to do of book two.

I have this all planned out in my head, but I’m probably being overambitious. We’re staying optimistic, though. I don’t believe in manifesting, but we’re manifesting.

14.23 I want to say I tried. I got a few details for the first couple chapters, but when I opened a doc to actually write it... nope. I need an outline to have a starting point. I just need detail.

Scene blocking sucks. But then I can’t write without it, so what can you do?

And I guess that wraps up this update. Writing this section, I’m about halfway through the writing break, and I have so many more ideas for this project. I was excited for Bay Tree because it was the first time I really made progress, but I’m excited for this one because I genuinely love this story. This post is going up May 14th, at which point I’ll be back to writing, and the next update should come mid to early June. 

And that’s a wrap.

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

with all my thoughts and all my faults

Happy birthday to @somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds!!! I’m lucky to share my birthday with another amazing creator (if you haven’t read her stuff, go do it now and review it because she deserves it!). I hope you enjoy this fluff after last night’s....everything.

AO3

1.

              It started out as drinks at first. A beer and a shot of whiskey each at Gary’s apartment as thanks for helping him and Ava get to the Waverider. John was never one to turn down free alcohol when it was offered. Besides, Gary seemed to be a pretty decent guy. A little naïve and shy, but he was brilliant thinking up that plan to track down Sara. It was also a bonus that he happened to be cute in an attractive, office drone sort of way.

Then came the knock at the door, and Gary nearly spit out his beer. “Oh jeez!”

“Expecting a guest?” John inquired, ready to cut and run down the fire escape if necessary. It wouldn’t be his first time.

“Uh, guests actually,” Gary coughed, pulling his Bureau pin off his jacket and shoving it in a drawer. “I agreed to host my D&D group here tonight. I totally forgot to get everything set up. Ava called me in to help find the Waverider and then we ended up at your place and then I asked about the beer and now I’m screwed.”

He looked like he was about to start hyperventilating, but John stood up and placed his hands on his shoulders. Slowly, Gary’s breathing start to slow down as a second knock came on the door.

“You with me, squire?” John asked.

Gary nodded.

“I can help you set up what you need. Hell, I’ll even stick around.”

The Time Bureau agent looked at him with his big brown eyes. “You’d stay? I mean, you don’t have to. And there’s no need for you to help set up. I should have done that after work before Ava called me back in.”

John chuckled. “I don’t mind staying if you’ll have me. I’ve always been curious about the game.”

That set Gary off blushing. “I’m happy to show you the ropes. And I have a spare set of dice you can use for tonight.”

“Sounds like a date. Go get the door for your friends, I’ll start getting things set up.”

              Gary nodded, stumbling as he hurried over to the door to let his guests in. John found a bunch of candles stashed in a cabinet and started to light them while Gary apologized for not being ready and that they’d have another player joining them tonight. Thankfully, his group seemed to be pretty forgiving and accommodating to him. If anything, they seemed happy to have another person around in their little circle of nerds.

              After deciding on his character and rolling the dice for his stats, John started to pick up on the game quick. It also helped that Gary and the other members of the group were happy to explain things along the way. During the game, John played a few parlor tricks with the group. A breeze too cool to be the air conditioning. A creaking noise above them. Something hitting the window just before the party faced something menacing. They all ate it up while Gary shared a knowing smile with him.

              Within a few hours, they’d reached a stopping point in the campaign. Gary’s guests said their goodbyes and left. John stayed to tidy the mess with Gary. At some point, their hands brushed together while grabbing for the same pillow and all thoughts of cleaning up fell away. Gary moved first this time, pressing his lips against John’s. John didn’t make any move to stop him or himself from letting hands roam to pull off their coats (or cloak in Gary’s case) as they stumbled towards Gary’s bedroom.

The next morning, John woke up with his head resting in Gary’s shoulder. He could have run like he had done so many times to so many different lovers. This time, he didn’t.

 ~~~

2.

A unicorn bit his nipple off.

              Gary was still shaken from everything that had gone down in the past couple hours. He had expected another mundane day at the Time Bureau filled with filing and longing for the weekend to go work with John. Instead, John had strolled in and found him, Sara on his heels. They’d asked him to come help with a mission to lure out a unicorn. Apparently, unicorns really were drawn to virgins, which he did not realize he still was.

              He also didn’t realize that unicorns were not the happy creatures that were painted in children’s fairytales. This one was a monstrous, terrifying beasts who looked ready to gobble him up. Gary had nearly been dragged though John’s portal to Hell with it before the Legends pulled him back in time. But it didn’t stop the unicorn from taking a piece of him with it. He didn’t even realize it until it was pointed out to him and shock gave way to pain.

              But John had been there, an arm around his shoulder. He had told Gary that his soul was heading there, that his nipple had just beaten it there first. Together, they walked back to the Waverider and to the med bay. Gideon probably could have healed the bleeding patch of skin where his nipple had once been, except John didn’t let her. He got out some supplies from a drawer after some rummaging and patched Gary up himself.

“It’s the least I can do,” John told him, taping the gauze pad over the wound. “You were great out there, squire.”

Gary smiled. “That might have been the most terrifying moment of my life.”

“And here I thought that was when you faced the dragon.”

“I nearly didn’t get dragged to Hell by a dragon.”

It came out worse than he meant it, but John still froze, a second piece of tape dangling from his finger.

Gary gulped. “That…didn’t come out right.”

John shook his head. “No, you’re right. I set you up and I could have lost you. But I would never let you be dragged down to Hell, okay? I can’t…”

              He trailed off and Gary knew he was lost in some broken memory of where that had happened. Reaching out, he took the piece of tape and put it on the other end of the gauze pad. Then he shrugged on his shirt and climbed off the seat. John didn’t even get a chance to protest before Gary wrapped his arms around him.

“Gary-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he told him.

              Something felt wet on his shoulder. John’s arms shifted to hug him back after a few more moments. Together, they stood just like that. Just taking comfort in the other being there right now. As soon as they let go, it would be over. Gary wasn’t sure he wanted to let go and John’s fingers digging into his shoulder blades made him wonder if he felt the same.

“I don’t want to ruin you, Gary,” he whispered in his ear. “I don’t want to break you.”

Gary wasn’t sure how to respond to that. How could you tell someone who made you whole that you’d already been broken?

 ~~~

3.

              Neron was gone, Ray was back, and the world have been saved through James Taylor. John felt for the first time like he could breath in months. For so long, he had been running from the demon, dragging the Legends into his fight and hurting them along the way. Now it was time to go back to the pattern he’d fallen in before this particular strain of madness. A travelling exorcist, wandering from place to place to offer his services.

              Gary had found him sulking in the library about leaving the Legends behind and joined him. He had come to apologize properly to him for his role in everything. John listened to every word the Time Bureau agent told him and saw that he truly regretted what he’d done. So much rejection and disregard had broken him, and John knew he had been the straw to break the camel’s back. It was exactly the thing he feared of doing, why he’d broken things off before it happened. Yet he had been the very reason it came to pass.

“I told you I didn’t want to ruin you,” John murmured once Gary had finished his long apology. “I’m sorry I broke you.”

Gary shook his head. “I was already broken long before you, Conny.”

              Despite the heavy words, the nickname brought a smile to John’s face. They spent the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing. Gary admitted he didn’t know how to break his connection with Nora, that it wasn’t fair she was bound to him. John had told him Nora needed to fulfill his greatest desire and she would be released.

“It wouldn’t be fair though. I want to be close to you, but that’s not right.”

“You’re talking to the man who’s found more loopholes than he’s cared to count. What if…you became my apprentice?”

“Apprentice?”

“Wish for that. You told me once you wanted to learn magic. I can teach you and you get to be close to me.”

“Decided if I’m really worth your time once and for all,” echoed in his head as Gary’s face broke out into a smile.

              The wish was made a few days later, and Nora made Gary his apprentice. John offered to find a way to release her from the curse she’d become trapped it, but she refused because she’d grown to love working with children. She encouraged him to just go and make sure to not break Gary’s heart again. So John brought Gary with him on his travels and taught him the art of magic. Gary had the knowledge, but his execution needed the most work.

              They had their fights and squabbles but made up in the end. Together, they traveled around the country, saving people from demons and other nasty things. At one point, they took a day to go scavenge for mushrooms that could be used for different spells in a forest. Gary had made the same mistake John had when he was first learning about the collection process. Both had inhaled the spores and started feeling fuzzy and warm before their minds stopped processing what had happened.

When John came to, the sun was setting, Gary was waking up on his chest, and both were wearing significantly less clothing than they had before inhaling the spores.

“I’m sorry about that,” Gary apologized as they started picking up their clothing. “I really screwed that up.”

“Eh, not the worst way I’ve woken up,” John said as he threw on Gary’s shirt while Gary wrapped himself up in his trench coat.

If anything, it was in the top five best ways he had woken up.

 ~~~

4.

              The moment Gary realized that John had drunk poison on purpose nearly made his heart stop. In the hours since John had collapsed and Gideon had given the terminal diagnosis, Gary had felt the clock hanging above both their heads. He remembered the months leading up to losing his mother, an incredible burden on such a small child. But knowing he barely had a day with John felt worse because there was so little time.

              He’d done everything that he could. They’d tried Gideon and spells and Nora, but nothing had been successful. John kept on coughing up blood and becoming even more sickly. Gary had wanted to save him and fought to do it, but John had snapped at him and Ray. He drowned his sorrows in wine, hoping that it would numb the pain of the inevitable. Instead, it made everything hurt even more.

              As John dropped to the table, Gary had so desperately wanted him to lift his head back up and laugh, like it was all a stupid joke. When he didn’t, he started sobbing as Ray gaped in horror at John’s actions. The house and everything in it that John had left him was not what Gary wanted. He just wanted John back, for this stupid magic to reverse itself and bring back the man he loved.

“John…” he sniffled, reaching his hand out to close over the other man’s.

Ray shook his head, his own eyes starting to become red. “He’s gone, Gary.”

“No,” Gary shook his head, feeling so much like the little boy who had cried himself to sleep for weeks after he found out his mom was gone forever. “Ray, he can’t be.”

He took John’s hand in his own and got on his knees. The limb was already starting to feel chilly, or was that his mind overreacting?

“Come back to me,” he pleaded. “Please, please, come back to me, John.”

“Gary, let him go,” Ray extracted John’s hand from his. “It hurts more when you hold on. Trust me on that.”

Gary got back on his feet. “What do we do now?”

              The next few moments blurred together when he looked back on them in the future, but he was pretty sure Ray had been talking. Then John miraculously sat up with a gasp, scaring the hell of them. Astra had reconsidered and given him more time, taking the cancer away from his body. He looked so happy, hugging Ray, running around the room with the cane he’d relied on earlier, and then…his hands were on Gary’s shoulders. He had kissed him soundly before wondering why he’d been about to leave his house to Gary.

Gary didn’t mind the sting of it. John was back. He had come back to him and that was all that mattered.

              Ray went to go and out away the leftovers a little later. It had just been him and John together in the dining room. Neither of them said a word to each other for a minute, the silence filled by the opening and closing of cabinet doors from the kitchen. Then John had reached out and taken Gary’s hand, interlacing his fingers with Gary’s. Gary remembered holding that same hand minutes ago and how cold it had felt when its warmth now bled into his own palm.

“I felt it down there,” was all John said. “I know it was yours.”

Gary rubbed under his glasses with his free hand, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill over again. “I really hated that this happened.”

“I’m back now, Gary,” John squeezed his hand. “I’m not going out again. You don’t have to cry over me anymore.”

He nodded, wishing he had a tissue nearby. “Okay, I’ve been crying so much today and now I’m exhausted after everything.”

“Then let’s go to bed.”

              Gary felt guilty about letting Ray clean up the mess, but the scientist called that they could go since he’d made most of the dinner. John lead him up the stairs to the bedroom. The two of them just laid with each other, hands still connected. Gary shuffled over so he could hear the steady beat of John’s heart. Each thump was a reassurance that John was still there. That he was still alive after everything they had both gone through that day.

Gary didn’t know that John had his finger on his pulse and was using it as an anchor for his turbulent mind. A reminder for him that he had survived this latest ordeal and he wasn’t truly dead. Hell was not that through.

 ~~~

5.

              John trusted the girls to leave his house in shambles when he agreed to let them use it as a front for the sorority. He could have stuck around, but Nate was already on the hunt for the chalice. Mick had dipped out to go accompany his daughter on a college tour. There wasn’t much else to go. Thankfully, he already had a prior engagement.

Once he reached the building Gary told him he’d be waiting by, he could see him sitting on a bench, staring off into space. “I’m not late, am I?”

The question caught Gary by surprise as he startled and looked towards John. “You came?”

“You really thought I was going to stand you up?” John teased.

“I mean, I let a hellhound onto the ship and it nearly got you and Ava and Mick killed.”

John waved it away. “They survived it, it’s back in Hell, no one got their throat ripped out. Now, what were you thinking for tonight?”

“Well, all the bars are crowded this weekend from what I’ve seen,” Gary told him. “But I was looking on TripAdvisor and there’s this Malaysian place off campus that gets really good reviews. If you don’t want that, there’s a bunch of other places we can go to instead.”

“Honestly, I’m happy wherever you want to go.”

              They ended up taking their time, walking through the campus and past students who were coming out of late classes or running to the library. John had never been to college and had been fine without it. But it was nice to hear Gary recall some happier stories about his time in undergrad on their way. He hadn’t gone to Hudson, but he had visited it when deciding on where he wanted to go to school.

              The Malaysian place wasn’t crowded, but there were enough people inside to convince them it was a decent place for food. They spent so long inside at their table, talking just like they had after Heyworld. John knew as soon as the ladies had the chalice, this moment would be over, and they’d have to get back to bringing back Behrad and Natalie. But right now, he could just relax in the booth with Gary across from him, munching on hawker rolls and laksa, and ever so briefly imagine a life without worries about looms or Fates.

              There was still no word from the Legends when they finally paid and left the restaurant. So they walked down the streets some more before coming back to the campus. Gary had picked up a pamphlet from somewhere that mentioned things to do on the campus, one of which was stargazing. There was a hill that was supposedly good for looking up at the night sky and picking out constellations.

              It wasn’t so easy navigating the campus in the night, but they made it to the hill in the end. Lying down in the damp grass side by side, John stared up at the night sky with Gary. A cool breeze ran over the both of them, making John thankful he had his coat. Thankfully, the clouds were sparse that night and the stars could be seen even with the lights of the lamps at the base of the hill.

              They searched for constellations in the sky, pointing out the ones they could see. Gary knew most of the names, but none of the stories. John was happy to share them all with him as Gary’s hand reached over and took his. He interlaced their fingers, just like John had done ages ago. Everything felt perfect, but perfect couldn’t last forever. It never did with him. Sooner or later, it would crumble away. But right now, John could bottle this moment in his mind and look back at it to remember a time of happiness.

Even if he wanted more, right now was more than enough of what he deserved.

[narwhallove]

Behind the Curtain: Interview with Romy Writer Ludi-Ling

House of Cards actually started out as a random smut scene that burgeoned into something far, far more.

@ludi-ling goes meta in our final interview about her writing process; how the Romy fandom’s changed over the years; alternate universes (AU); and the role of smut for Romy fans. (Spoiler alert, our heroes are hot.)

No surprise that it’s a pleasure interviewing Ludi. I kept sending her more questions (25 total!) because her responses fascinated me and inspired me to ask more. It’s a rare person who writes visceral, startling prose and can also talk about her work with clarity, intelligence, and an affection for her characters that doesn’t occlude good writerly judgment.

The superlatives don’t end there. Anyone who knows the community knows that Ludi is a friend to her readers and to her fellow writers. As we all enter a heady 2019, reading Mr. and Mrs. X together, Ludi is someone to cherish.

If you haven’t read our other interviews, please check out: Part 1 of interviews: X-men Origins Part 2 of interviews: Going Dark

As a scholar of fan studies, do you believe Romy fanfiction fulfills needs that Marvel never can? What needs might those be, for Romy fans?

Certainly I think that fanfic is built on the premise of filling in the gaps, scribbling in the margins (to quote the seminal fan studies scholar, Henry Jenkins!) and fixing perceived wrongs. Comics are unique in that regard because the characters and stories within them continue for years and even decades. Comics continuities are convoluted and complicated, and there is a constant churn of writers working on them. Many fans have followed characters for far longer than the writers, and may know the characters more intimately than the professionals. Comics are full of retcons and contradictory takes on the characters. And I think fanfic is an important medium for allowing fans to “fix” that, to negotiate it. Because of the ongoing nature of comics, and because the futures of the characters are always going to be nebulous and subject to the whims of Marvel and the writers indefinitely, I think it’s going to continue to be important. Romy may be married in the comics, but there will still be plenty to write about—kids, divorce, a reconciliation . . . who knows? ;) 

What do you think Romy readers seek out when they read fanfiction? If it’s wish fulfillment, what kinds of wishes are being fulfilled? If it’s looking for “gaps” that the comics skip over, what have you found to be the most common sorts of gaps?

I think Romy is a very interesting example of the “wish fulfillment” function of fanfiction. Because part of the mystique of that ship (no pun intended) is that they can’t touch, they can’t consummate their relationship . . . And fanfic is a way that fans can get them to touch, to work out that angst. I think that one of the staples of Romy fic is the sexual tension between the two, and how they resolve that; the push and pull between them. Sometimes these take place in epic, superheroic backdrops, sometimes in AUs, where they have no mutant powers and where the tension between them is born from other factors (such as already having significant others, or being enemies, or in illicit lines of work).

What draws you to AUs? Your stories aren’t a case of fanfiction filling what’s “between panels”; you tend to shift characters and relationships to entirely different settings, whether it’s a Strange Days–like world or another genre, like a Southern gothic procedural. Can you talk about AUs and how they play out in your imagination?

What I’ve always liked is world-building. One of my first large-scale writing projects was a fantasy trilogy called The Legend of Elu. Most of the fun I got from that was actually building the world, the kingdoms, the mythology, the theology, the languages, the history of that story. That definitely bled into my fanfic.

Now I tend to write canon stuff as one-shots, and novel-length stuff as AUs, because they give me more space to play with world-building. That was something I realised I enjoyed more when I wrote Threads. Writing all those little worlds in a series of one-shots felt too “small.” HoC was originally an expansion of the Threads tale Touch and Go, but it grew into something else, and since then, I’ve preferred to go the AU route for the longer-form stories. :)

We’re living in peak Romy times—I think we’re still reeling from the wedding! Let’s say you had the power to go back in time and drop a pin into an earlier moment in the Romy timeline that you felt truly represents what Romy means to you (which isn’t the same as when they’re happiest!). When and in what universe? Why this choice?

There are so many iconic moments from Romy’s past, but, for me personally, I always go back to their time in Valle Soleada (in X-Treme X-Men). That’s not because they’re happy per se, but because I think that that period was the perfect example of how great they worked together on every level, and was proof positive that they were a good match. I often say it, but I will say it again here, because it’s the truth, and y’all can fight me to the death over it—if there was a time they would’ve got married and I would’ve bought it 100%, it would’ve been in Valle Soleada.

On Tumblr, it seems a large contingent of Romy fans are women in their 30s who discovered Romy at a tender age, thanks to the animated series. This includes you and me! There are exceptions, of course. What’s it like for you to have been in the fandom from the early aughts? What changes in the fandom have you noticed between 2003 and 2018?

I really joined the fandom at an exciting time for Romy—they’d just got back together properly after all the turmoil of the Trial of Gambit. X-Treme X-Men was a treat for Romy fans, and Claremont wrote such a great dynamic between them. As fans we were all excited and happy and well-fed on all that Romy goodness.

So it was weird (not to mention disappointing) when the 2004 reboot happened, and Marvel did everything they could to tank Romy. Which is one thing, and I can stomach it if [it were] logically and well written, but it was just so terribly done that I think many of us just tapped out of the fandom completely. I’d say 2005–2018 were fallow years for the Romy fandom. Most (if not all) of the fan friends I made at that time completely left the fandom. For myself, as someone who enjoys writing AUs, it was the perfect time to branch out from writing in canon and fitting Romy into my own world.

Who are your influences? What writers do you feel a particular affinity for? Are there writers whom we might be surprised to discover informed your work, but you feel have, despite appearances?

I was heavily influenced by the dark, modern fairytales of Angela Carter about the time that I was writing Queen of Diamonds and Threads. She had a really magical way with words—her prose was lyrical, sensual, and unbelievably rich. She was a huge inspiration, but later I moved away from her tone, firstly because I felt I was doing a poor imitation of her, secondly because it wasn’t really appropriate for the direction I wanted to move my fics in, and lastly because I was becoming self-conscious of my insane verbosity and wanted to pare down my prose. That’s something I’m still working on!

At some point during the writing of House of Cards, I finally got round to reading Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and I think it was Douglas Adams who convinced me to move away from Carter’s beautiful but too-flowery prose. I loved the way his narrative just sizzled. I’m bad at capturing that energy—but I do think that from HoC onwards, I’ve tried to learn to be more economical with my words—which is hard for a florid soul like mine. 

Threads—structurally at least—was influenced by Italo Calvino’s If On a Winter’s Night a Traveller, and later, by David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. 

Let’s say you can pair your fiction with other works of art—of all forms, films, paintings, music, etc.—as if you were pairing wines to foods. What other pieces of art might you say go along with yours?

Wow! OK—that’s hard. Threads I’d probably pair with Cloud Atlas (the book, not the film, which I haven’t yet watched). HoC—I don’t know that there’s any one thing I would pair it with, but you can bet a load of post-apocalyptic stuff was thrown into that stew, along with a bit of The Matrix and probably some Inception.

52 Pickup was influenced a lot by Asmus’s Gambit run, cos I really wanted to write a heist fic with Remy and Rogue rather than Remy and Joelle (who I freely admit kicked ass). But if I had to pair it with a piece of media, it’d be with the video game Remember Me, which dealt a lot with themes of how memories inform our identities, and the ethical concerns of having memories essentially become “documents” that are uploaded and shared digitally through the cloud.

This is a good segue to talk about high-low culture. We may not want to believe in a hierarchy of culture, but we can certainly talk about the differences between fanfiction and “regular fiction.” When you read fanfiction, do you approach it differently than you would regular fiction? Are your expectations for form, reading pleasure, or anything else different? If so, how so?

Interesting question! I don’t know whether I approach it differently per se, but I think that readers have different expectations of fanfic. Hopefully we all read “regular fiction” for the same reason we read fanfic—for pleasure. But I don’t think there’s really a binary between regular and fanfiction. I think both exist on a continuum. There is a lot of “regular fiction” (I prefer to call it “profic” or “professional fiction,” because I think that’s where the binary between the two exists) that is actually very close to fanfic, and vice versa. By that I mean that there is plenty of fanfic that is epic in scope, deals with serious themes, and might be considered “classics” if they weren’t fanfiction.

And there is also profic, like romance, that is more similar to fanfic in terms of the kind of functions that it serves. There is an illicit pleasure to reading romance—for example, it’s not the kind of thing you’d openly read in public! There’s a similarity between that and fanfic, and I think, as readers of fanfic, we anticipate some level of illicitness when we approach it—even if the illicitness is only in the format (i.e., it’s fanfiction!), not in the content.

Fun question: What role do you think explicit smut functions in a fic? How do you deal with smut in your work? There’s an interesting moment that’s not in HoC, in which you write about Gambit and Rogue’s first time having sex in his point of view. It’s a separate chapter that exists as its own entity on your fanfiction.net page. Notably, it is much more explicit than the scene in Rogue’s perspective. Can you talk a little bit about this decision?

Well, I do think that fanfic is a safe space for writers to explore their sexuality (and I think that’s a huge part of the reason why fic is looked down upon), and smut plays a significant role in that. And smut certainly plays a part in my own fics. HoC actually started out as a random smut scene that burgeoned into something far, far more. Generally, I do try to make the sex scenes have a purpose in the plot (’cos I’m kind of anal about plot structure!), but in the particular case of Slow Burn and the other HoC vignettes, those are more self-contained one-shots where I could explore things that I couldn’t explore in the main story. So I could indulge in the smut a bit more! And let’s be honest—Gambit’s dark sexuality makes it thrilling to write smut from his perspective—of course his “thoughts” are going to be more explicit! ;)

But I also think that it’s interesting to write their individual perspectives on their sexual encounters, because of that tension between their characters. Rogue is the quintessential virginal Southern Baptist gal who’s inexperienced; whereas Gambit is the sexually aggressive alpha male who’s probably never had a woman turn him down in his life. That makes for a very combustive love affair between the two, and makes it fun to write that love affair (and all the smut in-between) from both their points of view.