#i actually have two tests tomorrow
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I HOPE YOU ROCK THE TEST!!
THANK YOUU!!! I HOPE I REMEMBER EVERYTHING BECAUSE GODDAMN KINGDOM CLASSIFICATION IS LONG
#i actually have two tests tomorrow#English too#but I can study for that in the morning because I have a couple of free periods :D#so I should be fine i hope#mutuals <3#ish#jujutsustraycats
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im considering going back to making shitty youtube videos edited on imovie again just to try and feel some sense of purpose. dont have brawl stars downloaded rn because i kinda fell off on it, but i could to twst vids or something. record my dot connection game dailies or something, idk, just something to do.
#im in a rut of rewatching and rewatching old content and doing nothing all day#and im technically hired rn. but theyre running background checks and then ill have to do a physical and a drug test and whatever#ill probably not even be on the schedule til august. and even then. i could only find a part time position. 30 hrs every two weeks.#im actually starting to feel excited for school to come up just to give me something to throw myself into#so i can ignore my constantly depleting mental health and maybe even find someone else to talk to. in person#i only ever consistently talk to three people outside my family and all communication is on discord. nothing irl. which sucks.#it sucks that i don’t like going outside and meeting people. it sucks that i don’t get to hang out with friends irl. everything sucks.#so yeah. might just start recording dailies for games or something. just to have something im doing.#yea. youtube same name. there’ll probably be a video there tomorrow.
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the past two years ive been both employed damn near close to full time and going through a dense degree program, but my office internship is now over and I am hunting for a full time gig which does fill some of my days, but i still have not had this much free time in a long while. so im finally circling some of my fic ideas/drabbles like a shark that smells blood in the water and im finally developing the plot so it has an actual story that i feel good about...
#my classes take up a whole two days out of the week. tomorrow im going to write a report which will take most of the day yea but its insane#what do i do. like i finally have time for my hobbies again which is ground breaking. the last short employment gap i had i was too busy#grieving the job and failing interviews and also dealing with lots of tests and other stuff life threw at me to appreciate it#im still dealing with a lot of bullshit drama right now to be real. I can feel the stress shaving off years of my life. but damn man#this employment gap actually feels nice for now. like i can actually do things i enjoy (so long as i avoid the bullshit drama)
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why do i get the productivity and organizational motivations at night when i should be getting the sleep motivation
#having the urge to start scheduling my days/setting up daily tasks for myself/planning for future tasks#meanwhile its 11pm and im getting up at 6:30am#voluntarily i should mention - im going to the library to do work bc my wifi at home is absolute shit#and i wanna go early bc otherwise im gonna sit in bed rotting and i dont want that#anywho tomorrow im gonna be doing some mandatory reporter training 🙃 its around two hours long 🙃#and testing out scrivener!! i got the free trial (which. btw. im so glad they only count the days you actually use for the trial)#like last week and just havent had the time/energy to try it out#excited about that!#as well as taking the bus again ironically#its been too long lol#anywho#amber's shit you can ignore
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bf says ive been going thru it and doing really well at that. bursts into tears.
#im like a toddler that needs a nap except ive badly needed a nap every minute of every day for a week because covid#and im trying really hard#im actually really okay. i don't have my first math test for another week and two days and if i did terrible on#the bio test today my lowest test grade gets dropped and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.#i am recovering and working and in a class that is very hard for me and i miss simon so bad. i was too tired to drive last weekend#and couldn't go the one prior to that bc covid obviously#it's okay it's okay it's okay#also im getting the depo provera shot in november. i'm fully over it#also the fatigue is getting better by the day. it's okay. it's okay#getting the shot. seeing si on friday. my math prof is very kind and understands that i'm struggling and wants to help. fatigue is getting#better. turns out i don't have work tomorrow. im gonna play valo w seity sometime soon that will be SO fun.#new comfy desk chair. im gonna put something on and work thru my math hw and submit questions without feeling bad about it#it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay. im being sooo brave.#he also said it's insane that i've had to work this week because i'm very much still symptomatic. it got me really good this time#the initial sickness wasn't nearly as severe as the last time i had covid but this one is more drawn out#im still having sinus symptoms/pain on top of the fatigue. cried in my car both days that i worked 👍 it's okay. it's okay
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grr I have so much stuff to do piled up, I hate the concept of time I want to pass out for a bit and take a week long nap. It's awful how tired I get from the most simple tasks I do daily, it's like my body can't push itself further from the bare minimum and it makes me so mad.
#not art#wanted to write my thoughts down huhu#I'll draw something tomorrow or in the weekend#got back from a two days school trip and now I gotta face a test I forgot about and a project deadline#shimi shimi ye shimi ye shimi ya#I have the urge to do a meet the artist but school is demanding me to actually do something#like went to class today and half of my classmates skipped school because of the trip
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doomscrolled for like 4-5 hours and i regret everything now.
#about to burst into tears!!!!! apparently whatever emotion i show on the outside is all i am in that present moment! i am an npc only#capable of being simple and having one layer of myself only! is my masking that good!! really!!!#everything hurts! i have a test tomorrow! i need to still send a fucking help ticket to discord abt my account because they never actually#got back to me! and i havent done it for over two weeks!#im avoiding all my problems by watching my silly little show and doomscrolling and everythings fine really but god my brain feels like a#dumpster fire right now#vent#nova.txt
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Having a casual breakdown, cause I just found out I might've somehow broken my toe in my left foot just as Ive barely started uni again and need to go to classes. Like.
Is this some kinda cosmic joke? Cause its not funny...
#personal#vent#rant#i haven’t really done anything that couldve broken it tbh#but it Has hurt the whole day yesterday and got swollen#and my doc said it looks like it might be broken the way its like sticking out to the side#so thats fun#when I have to go to and from classes on foot 15 min one way#and the soonest I can Maybe get it checked out with like na xray or smth is tuesday next week#I could maybe try tomorrow but I Need to go to classes#I was already absent last week cause of my lovely migraine and sinuses issues#which might actually be covid#I need to do the test I bought today to check that#Im... Im just so tired of this already#I was happy and excited about going back to uni#and so far with barely two weeks of classes behind me theres only been health issue after health issue#Im gonna go cry some more#maybe that'll help#and then I dont know#grit my teeth and survive I guess
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bro it sucks so much to have to go to work when you're sick
#i dont wanna go but literally if i miss another day they could fire me 😬#i don't have covid at least according to the home tests but like. i still have a cold or something#and i can't call out because our time is so restricted#and its not even the worst attendance policy i know of but it still sucks to have to work around#esp coming from my last job where i could take off literally as much time as i needed to basically whenever i needed/wanted to#added on top of the fact that i just don't want to fuckin be there anyway#and that im scared im gonna pick up covid bc my immune system is currently weakened#ugh. i have to get through tomorrow and the next day#and then im off again#and then im on one more day before im back off again#so i will have a rest day again pretty soon at least#after being off the last three days#(the first was my legit day off but it was very busy and few days before that were the roughest of a tough couple of weeks -#the second i took off bc i had to babysit and. being completely honest. i watched all of fellow travelers thr night before. and esp after#how bad a time id been personally having lately. all the suffering and the loneliness and the romance just hit me so hard#tbh i just felt like i deserved a break and i could do some work at home to balance things out -#third day i woke up feeling sick and coughing pretty hard and just feeling generally miserable. which continued for most of the day.#but with less coughing until now bc im laying down)#i just wish i could take an extra day or two to actually kick this 😭#sorry this is so long i can get locquacious when im tired
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@thetheatergremlin your bmc toh au gave me massive brainworms so what else to do other than redraw screencaps without stopping for like 6 hours
side by side with the references if you want em
#i hope its okay i drew them#since i’m on here with fully colored fully drawn everything you know what that means#i’ve got a test tomorrow baby#i have TWO#ignore how inconsistent the first one is#god my hands hurt i’m not even lying i straight up didn’t stop for like 4 hours yesterday#and then i took a break to shower then went another 2 hours#I RECOLORED THE BACKGROUNDS AND EVERYTHING#granted it’s kinda half assed but it’s the thought that counts yeah#this is what gets me out of my artblock#tbf i traced like a good 75 percent of it and tracing is a lot easier than actual drawing#i hate drawing freckles they’re so annoying i found a brush to do it but it still looks kinda wack#also zoe there’s just no way for indigo streaks to look good i’m sorry 😭😭#i gave connor a lil splash of color to match#lowkey proud of how michael turned out in the abomination one#that jeremy’s not my favorite tho#there WILL be more that is a threat i’m already working on more#bmc toh au#bmc the owl house au#bmc owl house au#be more chill owl house au#be more chill au#bmc#be more chill#jeremy heere#michael mell#boyf riends#rich goranski#zoe murphy#connor murphy
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okay lovelies I'm officially done with the group assignment that was hanging over my head and draining the soul outta my body this past ENTIRE WEEK
#If I get a score under 8 I think I'll actually cry#...#okay if I get anything under a 9 my heart will break into a million pieces#Yes I put a lot of my worth as a person onto my performance in class#IM A LITTLE FUCKED IN THE HEAD#WHY DO YOU THINK IM ON TUMBLR FOR#I was not particularly pretty funny or popular in school#but DAMN IT if I wasnt a Delight To Have in Class#I must impress every single teacher I come across#please save me#OKAY !!#I have a test tomorrow that I havent started studying for#and I have a report on my intership due wednesday that I havent started either : D#and it needs to be done in the morning so my mom can print it out : D#alright its waking up at 6am everyday for the next two weeks for me !!#I should start it tonight at least so I can focus on my test tomorrow but my sister needs to use the computer too :/#I have exams for the next 3 days :3#Maybe a phd isnt for me...#like this is a BAs and Im already struggling#alright quick cry break after dinner then we regroup
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Is there a word for when you turn quickly and it feels like it takes half a second for your head to catch up, as though you can imagine your brain moving through the fluid in your head to reorient itself?
...just wondering.
#...It's not like dizziness or vertigo. It doesn't involve feeling off-balance or seeing things spinning.#It's just... like your brain is physically moving slightly slower than your body.#...maybe tomorrow I should make a call I've been putting off.#I wasn't sure if I actually needed to because I think I've been overreacting to things the past two months#and me repeatedly demanding to have a fancy test done despite being told to wait until May might be overdoing it.#...especially if there's no symptoms to warrant such an all-encompassing test. and what I'd been worried about in Nov. has already ended.
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I have to write four essays worth of content in three days,.,,..............
#im glad I realized my exam for this class is not a test but two essays today instead of the day its actually due#like damn I gotta get to it....#I think today im finishing the reading and the first essay#(the essays are six questions that I have to write in paragraph format about from the text material. its not that hard but it is hard to#space out three hours to do it when you also have other classes and work leave me alone....)#and tomorrow ill work on the two actual essays (the exam) and see where I am with the rest of the questions (there's six more from separate#readings that I have to do in the same format as the previously mentioned ones)#I can do this. sent shaking#I also have to start my bio stuff and my psych work which is due monday#KEEP IN MIND THESE ARE 100 LEVEL CLASSES LIKE
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I desperately need to work on this paper that’s due tomorrow and instead I’m just coming up with Star Trek OCs that in the back of my mind I am performing as on Star Trek Legacy bc it’s my daydream and I can do what I want
#yes i can absolutely play three characters at once#can't wait to finally get my degree in two years and then immediately throw it away and go try and become an actress#bc that's where my daydreams have been heading lately#although it might be less than two years if i fail my first two classes in years#whoops#i'd probably just fail the one tbh#i'd like to see my philosophy professor TRY to fail me#he's already getting a scathing evaluation#and probably a bad rate my professor review too#because i do not like him#but i am spiteful and have admin experience#he should not want to test me#except like the actual tests obvi#but if he tries to shit on my group presentation tomorrow i will karen this all the way to the top#if i fail this research paper for my polysci class though that's totally justified#that teacher's a nut but he's a well-researched nut and i respect him#i do not respect my philosophy professor
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🍕.
#how i'm alive rn is beyond me i think i convinced myself that i was abt to die last night#so my sleeping pattern hasn't been the most normal#in the two weeks on break i went from sleeping at 12 to 2 to 4 to 6 to not at all and i'm actually getting concerned#i slept at 5 on purpose the other night bc of coffee and tonight#im not sure if i even slept its insane#i tried to sleep at 2 ok 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING but i just couldn't#only felt a tad bit sleepy at around 4 to 5 am#and i try to get my shut eye#put a video on and try to sleep#and i wake up before the video ends#THE VIDEO WAS LITERALLY 20 MINUTES LONG#idk when i'll sleep today and i'm not sure if that would be the best idea#i have an important exam coming up tomorrow and if i risk not sleeping right i will not a) get enough sleep before the test#b) sleep through the fucking test#either way i'm fucked and i'm actually terrified.#i wish i can sleep this morning.#toff.txt
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.
#*lays head on table*#my brother asked me to pick up some parts for him since i'm in the city during the week anyways#and it's way down in the south east corner of the city#literally there's flat fields around it its so on the edge of the city#and it'll be at least an hour round trip from when i leave here and when i get back#but shark week started today and I'm just. so tired.#and i have a test tomorrow that i haven't really studied for#idk that there is much for studying for it anyways because it's basically just id'ing info from a pressure vessel drawing#but my only other option to get these parts is to try to get them on my way out of the city to go home tomorrow#which means fighting through the city during rush hour when it's already a pain in the ass to get from here to my place#UGH. even having someone to go with me would be better than nothing but idk where my roommate is or if she would even want to go#maybe if i take the route that islike one minute longer i can get a bubble tea and have a quick walk through the bookstore before they cls#but even then it'll be so close to closing time that there's no guarantee that they'd have the pearls on hand if it's too late#cause some places just stop making them at a certain time so that they don't have much if any left by actual closing#ARGH. At the very least i can get a Timmy's#kee speaks#we don't talk enough about how close and close are two different meanings but have the same spelling#english is bullshit
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