#i actually have too many of these kinda posts in my drafts and notes lmao

[cavinginhisfvce]

*Jey, Cody, and Sami, sitting on a bench*

Kevin: Why do you guys look so sad? It's bumming me out.

Cody: Sit with us so we can tell you.

*Kevin sits down beside Sami*

Jey and Sami simultaneously: This bench is freshly painted.

[bonefall]

Do you have a design for Bright Storm? I'm fond of the wise older figure thing you're doing with her

I do NOW

Made her, as well as a revamp of my old Thunder Storm design (I last drew him like a year ago!!) in preparation for some character summaries I plan to bang out after finishing a couple drafts, but Bright in particular gets requested so much (anon you're like the 4th person) that HERE, lady girl and her son be upon ye

I'm thinking about doing the BB!DOTC character summaries in "family" posts, so they're all grouped together the way I plan them to act in the story. Every family is telling a little mini-story of its own, in a way, from the Frost family and their inventing prowess, to the Heart family and how the kits react to Bumble's exile, to the Storm family and how they grapple with Clear Sky's influence.

I wanted to make sure Bright Storm was very large and powerful looking, but in a round, kind of "humble" way. She downplays her strength, her intelligence, and even her better judgement.

So she has these big cheeks, fluffy primordial pouch, poofy tail, keeps her head low-ish. Tends to deny compliments.

I was commiserating with my partner the other day about how intelligent characters aren't allowed to be thick-bodied. So between my fat, beloved Bumble the translator and Bright Storm the wise woman battle strategist I'm feeding us both

I needed to "finalize" their stripe pattern, because I actually plan for TIGERSTAR to have the same one. I'm probably going to update my Tawnypelt and Bramblestar designs to have it too; if they don't look better with Goldenflower's.

I just like the irony and bitterness of it. That these ancient stripes, once so associated with compassion and righteous fury, turn into a "legacy" so divorced from what Thunder Storm and Bright Storm stood for.

Becoming a symbol for the idea of modern ThunderClan and the culture of the new times, not the principles it was founded on.

Also I HAD to do the design thing where Thunder Storm's stripes look like top surgery scars lmao, my beloved transmasc boy

Anyway, I've decided that Thunder Storm was a REALLY dark orange. It bugs me a little, especially in-canon, that he looks nothing like either parent. So in BB he's not too far off color-wise from his mama.

I also removed the old "mane" and replaced it with combination white chest + his father's shoulder burls. The mane is going to become a Forest Cat trait, which is why it's going to get so prominent in ThunderClan.

Instead, Mountain Cats have a REALLY high concentration of ear tufts in their genes. They're also huge and generally hairy.

Funny enough though they're also "oily." They come from the Lake Cat population which was pretty water-resistant because of constantly dealing with the lake, and they haven't lived in the Mountains long enough for natural selection to get rid of it.

It's going to become SUPER advantageous for those who move to the River Kingdom, but become less prominent in the other populations.

But for now, Mountain Cats are kinda... well, naturally 'stinky.' That's not a BAD thing to cats who are animals who LIKE strong smells, but it is a notable trait that I'd like The Wind Runner in particular to comment on.

Thunder Storm: "Well? What did she say?"

Bumble: "Ummmmmm......"

Thunder Storm: "be honest"

Bumble: "she says she smelled you coming when you were upwind. rudely."

99% of the time when I'm changing character eye colors, it's to make them NOT blue because there's too many blue-eyed characters in WC imo. BUT.

I think it was another tiny waste to have the narrative constantly stressing Clear Sky's blue, blue eyes, almost like they're hypnotizing, and then they never really comment on what Thunder's eye color signals to other people.

So I've got an idea; instead of amber, Thunder Storm has ELECTRIC BLUE eyes. Almost green, like his mother's minty ones.

Intense as his father's, but more focused. Sharp. Shocking.

Side note: in my research I actually learned it's easier for tripod cats to RUN than it is for them to walk. They can "canter" like a horse, but when they go slow they have to hop. Taking this into consideration.

I put a splash of white on the little bit of lower limb that Thunder Storm has on the leg, so it sticks out a bit more. I don't want it to be hidden I want it to be prominent

I also figured out a hilarious trick for Bright Storm to pull on Sky's Clan at some point lmao

Thunder's crew is in conflict with Sky's cats and the attacks are getting more and more frequent. They decide they need some extra time to carry out some kind of hunt or diplomatic mission, but Bright Storm only has a small group of cats to pull off a stunt with.

She knows she can't fight them head on, but she NEEDS to buy her son more time, so she hatches a plan.

Clear Sky values his intelligence and his ferocity very much. To a fault, even. He loves to outsmart his opponents and overpower them-- so Bright Storm gets all her cats to build a very large, very tall, nearly impenetrable wall out of briar thorns. There's only one way in; the well-guarded tunnel they've constructed in the front.

It would be a challenge for a lesser cat. But Clear Sky, clever devil he is, realizes they've made a fatal flaw; they've built their camp right next to the trees. His fighters don't need to jump over the wall or push through it, the oaks are their allies!

So, while Thunder's cats are all surely sleeping, he gathers his best men and come through the canopy. In well-trained patrols, they swoop down into the camp and prepare for battle.

and no one is there.

You see, there was only one way in... and only one way out.

And Clear Sky and his best fighters watch with HORROR as the tiny crew of guards seals that entrance up like the neck of a bag. There are no trees to climb INSIDE the wall, and it's too tall to hop out of. It won't hold them forever, but it will hold them JUST LONG ENOUGH.

Bright calls this little plan "Operation Timeout."

[kpchrs]

Fun facts about the Crack because I love to yap-yap, yackety-yack:

Obviously HEAVY spoilers to the Crack if anyone hasn't and wanna read it lol (Edit: I accidentally posted a post too early again. Gah. Whatever.)

This is inspired by Detective Conan (because it's the first murder mystery story I consumed, The Organisation is NOT the Black Organisation, btw), Sherlock (Max's way of solving the mystery, kinda), TBOSAS (the unreliable narrator), Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes (the narration vibe, kinda, I scanned them before I started writing it), Ace Attorney (the ridiculous names), and etc.

This is not the original idea. The original idea was...I think it's just a variation of the opening of my comment to AWIC. So it was supposed to be a short thing in AWIC comment section, but instead of a full blown case, Max and Nathan are solving MY death and the culprit is Céline @celinou LOL

THIS plot is inspired by my convo last October with Puni @riverinkfics while I was talking about maybe writing it as a oneshot instead. Out of nowhere, I got a vision of an unreliable narrator murderer POV but Max knows about it because she just jumped from the future. Then my brain just flowed to Max snapping Sussy's photo and bombing him with a murder accusation out of nowhere. And, there, I just got my plot bones.

I got the idea last October but I only started writing it in March because I think I had other things to do. When I posted it yesterday, it was minutes after I just finished writing it lmao

In the first plot draft, it's supposed to have soooo many rewinds, but, damn, I don't have the energy to do that. So I decided to cut it. Behold my notes and my handwriting! I wrote these in a Chinese family restaurant at Sunday noon.

My early struggle was how to involve Nathan and his powers in this oneshot, but then I got the idea to use his powers to scare interrogate people. And I figured that, huh, I didn't have to write it at all lol This is months before AWIC ends so it's a coincidence. My next struggle was figuring out why Sussy was there in the first place lol

I actually don't like first povs (both reading and writing), but third pov didn't agree with me when I started writing it so I tried for a first and I found it easier to write.

I tried to base the Max and Nathan in this crack on Céline's Max and Nathan, characterisation and all. (I mean, since this is a fanfiction to AWIC.) But I only base it on my memories, so I dunno how accurate it is. But this is Max and Nathan who have grown up and put on a detective persona so lol They are only truly themselves in the banter part.

This crack was supposed to be funnier, but the longer and longer I wrote Sussy's background and narration, the unfunnier and the more serious it was. That guy is such a dramatic theatre kid. Kinda a shame, but I rolled with it.

I didn't mean to post that teaser that early actually xD I meant to post that teaser when the fic was finished but alas…I accidentally posted it. "Surprise" for Céline's word was not randomly generated at all. I clicked 'Generate' on the Random Word Generator a lot to have the word I wanted. It's actually to say "Surprise!" I didn't expect Céline to really treat the post as a WIP Game xD That post was all crafted as a teaser from head to toe lol

At first the deadline was "As Soon As Possible", but then I didn't touch it for months. Coming back to comment on @weer02 Ver's chapters got me into a writing groove (lol I was so thankful), so for a week I was on the roll at that rate I could post it at the end of November. But then I got distracted by Life™ and I lost the groove again. The deadline had been "After Céline's Birthday", "Before Christmas", "After Christmas", and "Whatever You Have to Do, Finish It Before 2024 Ends, Kris!" lol I made it, yay!

In this world, Max and Nathan are a successful detective duo the sleuth world known as "The Photographing Detectives", because they always take photos everywhere with an expensive ass camera and a vintage Polaroid. Max DOES take a photo of their clients immediately when they enter the office. It's a legit procedure so Max can go back whenever and wherever when it's necessary. So yes, Max does bring a pile of relevant Polaroids everywhere with her. They are her weapons lol

There is a conspiracy theory because they are so good at their job that they use money (because people know Nathan is a rich boy) to make up all these cases they solve to build their image. But there is no evidence. (Duh.)

Nathan and Max's powers are so powerful now that they are drunk in it. They use their powers for power tripping. It's kinda fucked LOL

"Psychic detectives? No, no, just time-traveling ones" is Max's catchphrase that people never remember because she immediately rewinds that.

Max's office uniform is a T-shirt and jeans because she likes comfy. The grey blazer is to compromise with the professional detective world. (When Nathan found out that she just replaced her jacket with a blazer, he rolled his eyes and gave up.) I wrote that part months before the announcement of Double Exposure so yes, I've rejected Max Caulfield's fashion sense in DE from the start.

Despite him rolling eyes at Max's grey blazer, he then follows suit because they need to match, yeah? So yes, he wears a grey suit too with a black shirt inside.

Because Céline and I love our colour symbolism, this means this duo is treading on grey morality lol Because their investigation ways are not really that moral. Yep.

Max and Nathan are still great at photography. People who know them are actually amazed at the casual photos they sometimes share on the internet.

Of course, the interior design of the office is a combination of their respective aesthetics. The name board is Nathan's design.

I think it's obvious but Sussy quotes Agent Dale Cooper in S1E2 of Twin Peaks when he drinks the coffee. For some reason, it's the one thing that's different from the previous loop so Max is genuinely entertained. I got the idea to include this two days ago when I watched the episode while washing dishes. (EPISODE 2??? Okay, yeah, so I haven't really continued Twin Peaks, mmkay. I rewatched E2 because I forgot what it was about.)

Because Max has heard all the sob stories Sussy told her, she zones out while waiting to drop the one-liner. What she thinks about: "When will he finish? Have I done my laundry for today, do I have underwear? Should I just go make a sandwich but still pretend to listen? When will he finish so I can drop my killer one-liner? Ha. Killer one-liner. I'm so punny." When she does drop the bomb, she is so giddy inside like: "Holy crap, I feel like Sherlock. This is so fun ksjhisjcwe"

When Max bombards Sussy with the details of his murder, it's a half bluff deduction and half the information Nathan got from the case remains. Not the corpse tho. Nathan refuses to take time memories from human remains. It's really bad for his psyche after a while and we know his is quite fragile. Basically, you experience the deaths in first pov so. Even more so when their powers got even stronger. So if Max's nerf is still the intervals between time jumps, this is the one that nerfs him. Sure, it'd be the easiest thing, but do we want him to be in the psych ward? I don't think so. (This is the reason why Nathan wears gloves. (Black btw, because that's sexy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) Not that he can't control it, but…just in case.) Also, you are not the greatest detectives ever if you just see it, not solve it. They should have been a psychic duo instead, but that's less fun, maybe. (Nathan watching Psych: "Ha! Look, they are our opposites!")

Technically with their powers, they could have been a vigilante duo to save people left and right instead of solving crimes that have happened but that's in another alternate universe, I guess lmaooo

They have fans and shippers. Like us. But cue the moment when they found out their backstories and did a witchhunt on Nathan.

Mr Sussy Murderer and Ms Lily Dead. Silly names and anagrammed last names. Sussy's last name can be a reference to "demurrer".

It means nothing for Sussy because he didn't "so what" any of them anyway. Btw, I thought his name gave it right away that he's the killer? lol That was my worry. I guess I distracted people well.

Whenever Max calls him "Mr De Murrer", it's actually her calling him "Mr Murderer".

There was this one line I couldn't include in the final form because I didn't know where to put it, but it was: “My first case was a missing girl turned dead, just like this one.”

After Sussy runs away, Max is actually lmao-ing in the office and still lmao-ing when Nathan finally arrives.

In this AU, Nathan and Max have relied their life on their powers so much I imagine if the powers suddenly are gone for good, they are fucked. They will have to re-learn how to walk in a world full of uncertainty. Walk as mortals, mwahahaha!

I know I shouldn't explain unreliable narration, but while Sussy lies to Max a lot, or like almost all the time because of course, Sussy's inner narration is always truthful to how the whole thing really went, except for when he omits the details. But there is one point when his dialogue and inner narration agree with each other.

If you think about it, Sussy and Max are performing a theatre play for each other in that room, the difference is Sussy's is scripted while Max's is an improv. Sussy performs right after he enters the office and ends when Max drops the bomb. Max performs from when she says, "Yes, of course I've heard of you, Mr De Murrer" til Sussy runs because it's fun for her and she's a prankster. So yes, this fic is just a huge prank from her.

Now that I think about it, Nathan in AWIC is a theatre kid too loool? "One theatre kid walks into a detective agency of two theatre kids'..." Sorry he didn't get to perform lol

What would Nathan do to Sussy in the end? Something like Chapter 39 of AWIC lol

Feel free to ask anything if any, I maybe can answer pfft

[thatswhatsushesaid]

tagged (kinda) by @mingguangsword!

i lost my first draft of this post 😭 let's try again.

1. why did you choose your url? because i am weak for puns, and because i am actually su she. weepy yet defensive lestat de lioncourt at the end of s2 voice, i am him, he is me.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. a whole whack of them:

@dailyayao which is just daily screenshots and scans of jin guangyao from all versions of the mdzs canon

@yaozongzhupressoffice my neglected satire blog where i answer asks and reblog stuff in-character as yao-zongzhu. occasionally will make references to his entirely heterosexual feelings for his very good friend ouyang-zongzhu in the tags.

@itwasabeautifulwebbing my minthara baenre from baldur's gate 3 simping blog lol. it's also turning into a catch-all for various video game nonsense, tho i'm definitely not as active there as i am here.

@fakerashid same deal as above, just for armand from amc's interview with the vampire.

3. how long have you been on tumblr? i first joined back in 2011 with a different username back in the migration of the dragon age fandom from livejournal to tumblr, and have been kicking around in some form or another ever since.

4. do you have a queue tag? sure do! 'moling queue' because, as i said, i'm weak for puns.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? originally this blog had a different username, and i started it with the intention of cross-posting very serious horror fiction thinkpieces from a wordpress site. obviously i stopped doing that and have been enjoying myself a lot more here since i stopped taking myself so seriously lmao.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? i don't understand the question, that's literally me, su-zongzhu. (please god recognize this is a joke)

7. why did you choose your header? i just think jgy and sms look very powerful and dapper together in that scene. 😌

8. what’s your post with the most notes? some unfortunate ides of march shitpost that broke containment within an hour, i have it muted and hope to never think about it again.

9. how many mutuals do you have? no idea. lots? lots and lots?

10. how many followers do you have? 1271 as of this morning.

11. how many people do you follow? apparently 400 on the nose

12. have you ever made a shitpost? absolutely not, i don't have a sense of humour or believe in laughter.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? every time my attention wanders pretty much lmfao (despondent)

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? never!!!! 😬

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts? i ignore them.

16. do you like tag games? yes!

17. do you like ask games? "i love them, but i don't like chain asks" <- same hat

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? "probably ray" <- oh no oh dear 😬 i think if i qualify as tumblr famous (doubt.jpeg) then probably a bunch of my mutuals are, too.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? i am boring and married so no.

20. what is the last song you listened to? this performance of the famous "flowing water" composition for the guqin.

21. what are you currently watching? nirvana in fire, and it's consumed my soul. mei changsu 👀...... /clenches my fist

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? "savory"! <- correct!!!

23. what is your current relationship status? "literally on my way to break up with someone T_T i'll be single in a few hours!!!" <- omg fennel!!??? um, as i said above, i'm married! no plans to divorce mr. sushesaid, he surprised me with flowers and takeout from my favourite indian restaurant yesterday because i was having a rough day.

24. what is your current obsession? jin guangyao. it's still jin guangyao. it's probably going to be jin guangyao this time next year too.

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

it's not an album, but basically all of the ensemble and solo performances by zi de guqin studio on youtube.

return to cookie mountain, tv on the radio

the wellermen's album of shanties and other arranged covers

the hades 2 videogame soundtrack

the baldur's gate 3 videogame soundtrack

the chain, fleetwood mac

all of the lyrical ballads from the kentucky route zero videogame soundtrack (are u noticing a pattern, because i am)

the haven videogame soundtrack

the assassin's creed valhalla videogame soundtrack

tagging: @ratheralark @holy--milk @carnivorous-horses-lover @sunriseverse @watertightvines @frodo-of-the-nine-fingers @confusion-and-more @occasionalinanity @varethinsilico @thepurplewombat @peacocksdance and anyone else who puts eyes on this thing and feels moved to complete it.

[hungergameshyperfixation]

There are so many things I want to do before (and after) sunrise on the reaping comes out, so here’s a non-exhaustive list.

(Note: I know some of these have probably been done before, so it’s not like I’m trying to copy or steal someone else’s ideas, just that I want to do these on my own. I wrote a whole ass paragraph about it in my drafts but it’s basically just a worry of mine, and I overthink lol)

•Sunrise on the Reaping protagonist speculation.

•^Also, mock up SotR covers. I can see the bird on the cover being a canary or a mockingjay, OR it being purposefully vague.

•Just Sunrise on the Reaping speculation and theorizing in general. Especially because THG could just release the blurb or a confirmation at any moment LMAO

•Thg tier lists.

•The shipping polls—I actually originally planned for that to be a starting off poll for me to follow up and explain MY own personal thoughts on “every” Haymitch ship (I still ‘hardcore’ ship him and “his girl.”

•AU posts. Specifically pre-SotR “AUs.” Like rn I have this idea of exploring concepts if Haymitch’s “girl” was the protagonist of SotR. Or Mr. Everdeen (if the “Maude Ivory is Katniss’s grandma” theory follows true, or if that’s established in an AU, then Mr. Everdeen being the protagonist or a central character might connect the whole family narratively LMAO)

•Fanfiction posts…perhaps.

•Wiress and Beetee. Just them. Anything related to them.

•Sharing fandom related resources. I kinda wanted to make my own wikis at one point, but since the SotR announcement I’ve decided to focus on other projects. But the wiki idea is still in my heart. I wanted to make it personalized, or maybe two versions—one canon compliant/only using canon or confirmed information, and one that’s like my own little personalized information.

•Hunger Games OCs; kinda related to the Fanfiction bullet point but it would be fun to like actually craft a couple of canon compliant OCs. Or non-canon compliant OCs too. But I should probably do that before SotR comes out too💀 I’m just now realizing what a time constraint SotR is putting on me (jk it is literally all self-enforced)

•Book annotating “series.” I’m gonna annotate a thrifted copy of THG, CF, and MJ. I’d like to maybe share or document that process.

•Fanart. Specifically fanart of book-exclusive characters and scenes.

•Cosplay!! I kinda wanna do a Maysilee one and an Effie one, since I’m a lot more femme and I think those would come out well. Ish. Also before we (likely…?) see Maysilee on screen I want to get a chance to depict her while nothing is confirmed.

Etc etc. I feel like there are so many more

[elizmanderson]

Hi again. You made a few posts about first drafts being ridiculous and cleaning them up later. And I desperately need more writers talking about the writing process as they are writing it (like 'making of' posts/ videos, any creator who does those gets me obsessed with them)

Anywho, I was wondering how your revision process looks? How different is your first draft from your last and how did you make the decisions of what to cut vs what to expand on?

I know for myself, my MC is a constant-overthinker and all of faer POV is stream-of-consciousness, and fae goes on a LOT of unnecessary but characterizing tangents that I don't know how to work with, given the corner I wrote myself into.

TLDR - Any info about your revision process would be much appreciated.

Thanks :)

hello and thanks for asking!

first of all, in case anyone is curious about the original post, it's here. also, there are many ridiculous things in this draft of NettieWIP, but that post was brought to you specifically by this line that I wrote even though it's completely tonally wrong for both this book and this character lmao

okay, revisions. this is gonna get long, but I'm breaking it up into sections that will hopefully be helpful.

general process

so the first thing is, my revision process and how much I cut or add is different for every project. but here are some general principles I follow. keep in mind that ymmv with any and all of these! you have to find what works for you. this is just what works for me.

1. finish the draft first

I will never finish a draft if I'm focused on editing while I go. I've been hardcore resisting with NettieWIP because I keep having ideas about how to make it better mid-draft. but I know if I don't finish the draft as-is, it's not going to get done.

2. let it breathe before diving in

sometimes I have the urge to rush right into revisions after finishing a draft, but I do force myself to wait at least a month or two before returning to it. it gives me the emotional distance I need to be able to make decisions about what to cut, no matter how much I like things that don't serve the story.

(again going to have to fight this urge hard with NettieWIP in particular lol)

3. read it before diving in

the one thing that stays consistent from project to project is that I always do a full readthrough before I start revising. highly, highly recommend this regardless of what else works for you! reading through my entire manuscript gives me a big-picture view of the whole story and how all the parts work together (or not), as well as what the problems are.

note: when I do my readthrough, while I do make general notes of my thoughts, I do NOT focus on line-level details or edits. which brings us to...

4. fix big things first

okay jk actually this stays consistent from project to project, too. when approaching revisions, I always start with the biggest changes and work my way down. line edits are the last thing I do, because I figure it wastes my time and energy otherwise. what if I put all this energy into line edits or scene-level changes only to cut half those lines or scenes later when I make structural changes?

5. this is the time to plan!

I'm a plantser, which is somewhere halfway between a plotter and a pantser. while the amount of planning I do before a first draft varies, I always dedicate time to planning before revising. the exact process varies, but it's kinda like this.

read the entire manuscript, making note of plot holes and problem areas

brainstorm potential fixes and where they might fit in

write an outline, synopsis, chapter map, whatever (for me it's usually either a synopsis or chapter map because I simply cannot with outlines)

6. start rewriting

...and as discussed in a different post earlier, I always start the new draft in a new document! you never know when something from an earlier draft could come in handy.

7. use beta readers

I typically do a second draft on my own, because I typically have at least some idea of what needs fixing when I'm done with a first draft. I bring beta readers in once I hit the point where the story's cohesive but I know more work needs to be done, but I'm not sure what that work is.

you specifically asked how I decide what to cut vs. what to expand on, and beta readers are one important way—especially for what to expand on. while I have a habit of overexplaining in many areas, things in my head frequently fail to make it onto the page.

(I think this is because things are obvious to me bc I thought them up. but readers cannot see inside my head, so they may be confused or think a character or plot point is underdeveloped even though I have a lot more information about it mapped out internally.)

if readers feel like information is unnecessary or overexplained or like I'm patronizing them, that's a potential area for cutting. if readers are confused, lack insight, or feel like a reveal came out of nowhere, that's a potential area for expanding. that said...

parsing beta feedback

while outside feedback is important, it's at least equally important to be able to decide what feedback to listen to and what feedback to ignore! not all feedback is good feedback. and even feedback that's technically good may not be good feedback for your story.

for example, I had feedback on the manuscript that's now on sub that was drastically different than the rest of the feedback I received on that same manuscript. I love the beta who gave it to me and I respect their opinion a lot, so I took this feedback seriously. but I couldn't make it work, felt deeply frustrated, and spiraled a bit over my ability to write a book even though it was far from my first.

then I got into Author Mentor Match which I applied to mostly because I need some guidance re: this feedback. my mentor basically said, "I think this is good feedback, but I think it would change this book into a pacier, more action-packed book. and I don't think that's the kind of story you're trying to tell."

and my mentor was right! I think this friend and I are simply interested in different kinds of stories. so as much as they love my stories and as great as they are at giving feedback, their feedback may not be a good fit for me.

usually, I like to look at patterns of feedback.* the more readers agree that a plot point is weak or a reveal doesn't have enough build-up, the more likely it is that I really do need to worry about that.

BUT if a single reader's feedback makes me go oh and I really vibe with it, that's also good feedback to listen to! as long as you know what the heart of your story is, you can follow feedback that helps your story do more of what you want it to do and do it more effectively.

*in my experience, patterns are most helpful when your readers share aspects of your identity. for example, I'm neurodivergent and queer. when most of my readers were neurotypical and straight, I'd get told "this doesn't make sense" "no one thinks/feels like that" "this is unrealistic." and I'd be told that by multiple readers, so I'd decide that meant I had to change the story, even though something deep down told me I was wrong about that, that my betas were wrong about that.

now, most of my readers are neurodivergent and/or queer, so they understand when my characters do or think or feel certain things. and at the very least, they never tell me a character is being "unrealistic" or assume that characters' feelings aren't based on things I have really felt. so particularly for marginalized creators, patterns of feedback may NOT be helpful if your readers do not share your marginalization.

examples of changes to my drafts

cutting and combining

The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher was drafted over a year and a half as part of a last man standing-style writing challenge, so the first draft was 160,000 words. it was pretty obvious I'd have to cut SOMETHING, since I was planning on querying agents.

(recommended for adult fantasy if you're seeking trad pub as a debut author: 120k max word count. better to be lower if you're writing contemporary fantasy, while you can be on the high end if you're writing epic fantasy. other subgenres may fall in between.)

I cut...a lot, in some cases through actually cutting while in other cases combining things. for example, there's a scene now where a dragon attacks Detroit while Our Heroes are delayed there. It used to be separate scenes: Edna & Co. delayed in Detroit, with not much happening except the reason for the delay, and a later scene where they came across a random dragon attack elsewhere. additionally, the secondary antagonist runs around with an old friend who used to be two separate characters: the character he is now, and another old friend of theirs who was just sort of a generic asshole who didn't serve much purpose in the story.

thanks to cutting and combining scenes and characters this way, the story moves along faster, the stakes involved in those scenes and characters are higher, and everything is more tightly tied together. when I finally queried, Remarkable Retirement was down to just 98,000 words (published at 99,000 words).

similarly, in the book now on sub (Buried Things aka GroundskeeperWIP), I cut most of a short chapter from the antagonist's POV. I tried it as a prologue but didn't like that I don't do prologues in general although I know some folks love them, then tried moving it later but didn't like that either, and finally ended up just using bits of it that I felt were particularly useful in a chapter focused on a different character. I also cut a chapter from the POV of a friendly ghost/wingman from beyond the grave (but have it saved in case a future editor's like "you know what we need—")

worth noting that Buried Things wasn't massively overwritten. I think the longest draft was 104k or 106k, while it's on sub at about 90k (and the entirety of the last 4,000 words I cut from it was through line edits, not plot changes). however, both chapters stalled the story without adding much. what they did add, I was able to incorporate into other chapters instead.

expanding

while Remarkable Retirement's need for cuts was more obvious, some things were also expanded upon, especially with my publisher! my editor felt that the romantic subplot needed a little more build-up—not in terms of what happens or how it happens, but in terms of making it clearer why these two people start to have those feelings. similarly, a friend who read Buried Things thought it was great overall but that a particular character wasn't fleshed out enough.

in both cases, I think it was that instance of "things in my head do not always make it onto the page." when my friend had questions about the character in Buried Things, I had answers; those answers just weren't on the page. same thing with the romantic subplot in Remarkable Retirement. so it was a matter of taking what was in my head and making sure it actually came across on the page, although in other cases I may realize I don't already know that stuff and need to brainstorm to develop it more.

both together

in the case of NettieWIP, even though I'm not done drafting yet, I already know some stuff I'll need to cut and expand on! I find I'm repeating myself a lot in this draft, plus it's very dialogue heavy. so I'll need to cut back on some themes and emotions I keep bringing up, as well as trim down the dialogue and let the murder investigation not be entirely conversation.

conversely, there's virtually no setting description or atmosphere, so those are things I'll want to expand on in revisions.

tl;dr: in conclusion

okay this got really long because if you get me talking about writing it is impossible to shut me up, but here are the major takeaways for everyone playing along at home:

my general process: (1) finish the draft; (2) let the draft breathe; (3) read the entire draft; (4) focus on big-picture changes first; (5) plan your revision/rewrite; (6) rewrite/revise; (7) use beta readers

knowing the heart of your story helps you figure out what to cut, what to keep, and what to expand on

knowing the heart of your story helps you figure out what feedback might be useful and what feedback might not be right for this book

it can also helpful to look for patterns of feedback, but this is mostly helpful when your beta readers share your identity, particularly if you are a marginalized creator

thanks so much for giving me an excuse to drone on and on about writing your question!

[futureseaempress]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

hi so my sweetheart tagged me in this @hypnostheory so thank u bb

1. How many works do you have in Ao3?

27 (teehee that's my fave number) (i also have like two more on a google drive that are wips,,, some princes don't become kings & first date which is called nastygum in like all my notes)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 163,308 which is like longer than twilight i think

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Homestuck, AFTG, SK8 the Infinity, TMA, Stardew Valley, RWRB, and uhhh law and order svu

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

honey, why're you calling me so late? (matchablossom)

about to bloom (matchablossom)

baby kiss it better (first prince)

i only want what i can't have (first prince)

as certain dark things are to be loved (jonmartin)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i would love to but sometimes i just don't have anything to say

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhh i don't think any of my fics have super angsty endings-- fanning the flame was supposed to end with a super sad chapter about agnes and jack but i never wrote it lmao maybe i'll get back to her in november

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ummmm i try to end everything on a loving/happy note bc that's what i like to read most

i think asking you to stay has like the cheesiest last line

8. Do you get hate on fics?

uh not yet thank goodness. i used to back in my wattpad days though and i did have someone say something kinda off color to me in a writing exchange but that worked itself out

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

because it's most of what i read i try to include like a horny scene in most if not all of my stuff but i like anything rlly i sort by ship, explicit, and go from there I think "Coming In Pants" is a frequent flyer.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s your craziest one?

Nope. Not my cup of tea. OH MY GOD ACTUALLY I'M A LIAR IN 2012 I HAD A ONE DIRECTION RPF TWILIGHT FANFIC? THAT I NEVER POSTED AND SOLELY EXISTED IN MY NOTES APP THAT MY FRIEND AND I WOULD LIKE ROLEPLAY???? seventh grade was wild for me

11. Have you ever had your fic stolen?

YEP! both my current fanfic and my older stuff like i had a terrible homestuck fanfic on wattpad that someone reposted saying mine was too smutty and then on ao3 there is a fic,,, that,,, very heavily seems to draw from baby kiss it better but idk maybe henry wearing alex's white t shirt and a taylor swift cardigan while sick before alex blows him is just reaaally common

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

so other than some garbage i was writing in middle school no, but i do for sure like let my partner beta everything and we run ideas by each other all the time and like work out how to block stuff and what seems interesting they keep me from going to melodramatic and i help them know what sex sounds fun

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

oh god i can't choose. i love davekat, but i love alex and henry a lot. like a lot. like wow i loved the book last year and the movie has given me brain worms and there's other karkat ships i rlly like. hmmm okay i have two hands and i hold my sons Crabapple and Firstprince.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably never will?

so many davekat wips

the sweet home alabama fic for sure.

the nanny au. uh the other davekat band au that's just a draft... probably fanning the flame. there's also a coda for more silver paint that haunts me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh i think i'm good at banter? (see echoed through my mind) i think i'm good at like making stuff fit into canon and comply with it in fun ways (see this hope is). i think i'm good at writing characters having break downs (see chapter 3 of silver paint or going with the flow)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I SUCK SO BAD AT FINISHING THINGS AND I GET STUCK ON MY PORN EVERY TIME

also commas

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

bafhehasdk so like it's kinda a pet peeve a lot of the times i feel like spanish especially ends up reading kind of like Law and Order dialogue like "he trabajo'ed here last week" but i eat that shit up in theory. like people would probs do better throwing random french in shit bc my ass would be like SOUNDS RIGHT TO ME. it's also like cultural references get lost and i know just enough spanish to know when something is "off" so i prefer like "This is a line of dialogue," they said in Spanish.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Homestuck! on wattpad! in 2012! it was bad mpreg! i was 13!!

TMA on ao3! in like 2020

but i did once write a one direction rpf with my friend that we posted on instagram in 2011

20. Favorite fic that you’ve written?

oh god i don't know. i think it's gotta be glory just bc i spent so long with it and i'm hoping to finish it during november (i do nanowrimo in a crazy bass ackwards way) but tire trouble is like the one everyone else loves best??? and i have a sequel in the works for it im just super into rwrb rn

I’m tagging @wardenhawke bc i feel like you might like talking about your ocs at least and i like u

[odukora-lore]

how about 🌹🤹‍♂️ and of course ✂

Haha almost a month late to this ffs anyways

Most recently written line:

Ngl I actually do have some concept dialogue for Aeris/Barley interactions so you get a tiny snippet of a scene lol

^ this is somewhattt in their youth but also not exactly (think that fun window of post graduation dance and beginning their own careers whilst also attempting to still be involved in each other's lives, alas this is before I even planned the entire Tundra fake death deal so I actually have no idea whether this is before or after that, date in this sense is wholly platonic and Aeris started the idea lol

(I would love to point out how Barley is more fazed over it being a *coffee* date than a coffee *date*, like oh my best friend wants to catch up w me and has invited me to hang out w her on a scheduled time? 🥰 But also wtf Aeri you don't drink coffee 😒 you think I don't know that)

Plot points I'm juggling:

Idk man so much fucking patchnotes for EI lately I think I've ranted to you enough lmaooooo, these days I'm kinda trying to settle whether its gonna end up as a supposed tertiary story tbh, alongside possibly finding another way to categorize my damn stories for once, TEF and POE are very solid in comparison so I'm very ??? on the direction rlly

That said I suppose you can get some bonus notes in my drafts abt some char dynamics I haven't yet spilled:

> Also a fun thing is Sundae is actually suchhhh a big fangirl of Chase (I figured I'm just throwing in the Amy core vibe into her cuz she alrdy looks like her, she's so bisexual core thou cuz... Actually yeah Sundae and Lune are sorta implied endgame lmao albeit not the focus, I'm still ruminating on how to expand their dynamic rlly but I rlly liked the contrast they served, it's a very Whisper wanting a knight in shining armour big time (I've thought abt her crushing on Aaron before just to hint at the original ship prerevamp lmao) before she ends up w Nyx way) this is also Ironic cuz Sundae probs wanted to become a glowlin just to meet Chase.... That's half of her motif anyway... But she eventually finds joy in being a hero anyway and he becomes this sorta inspo for her for how passionate he is abt his role, more abt her burnout arc eventually lol

> Lune meanwhile rlly dislikes Chase cuz she's one of the original recruits of BEYOND and is very wary of his implented dark motifs™ that Aeris initially warned her abt but even Aeris has sorta grown less wary of him seeing him having made a completely new name for himself instead of just solely following her footsteps

> Sparklyn may alsooo be renamed idk tbh so many chars are getting renamed alrdy anyway... I do know she is supposedly the one who Aeris deems to most resemble her in terms of that raw passion™ (you'd think Sundae fits it better but Aeris is actually so aware of her whole thing abt Chase lmao and a part of her is too full of herself to be the leader.... Lune isn't as passionate ofc... Arctic is having way too much fun and Gale is due for a confidence boost ... if anything Sparklyn is the perfect "replacement" for having a tinge of humbleness whilst not being afraid of taking the job seriously, but it also has so much to do w her being from the other dimension and idk when Aeris will eventually figure that out, her origins of humbleness is sorta what sets her apart... She is not exactly destined for greatness the way Chase is...)

> I think the true wack thing is while BEYOND members are aware Aeris has a separate dual life going on as a reporter/journalist (ngl this is probably why she found out abt Chase's having sus origins earlier than anyone else did) nobody is aware that she is Tundra... That's the kicker.... Only Barley knows and he tries very hard to keep it a secret having erased all remaining proof of her being alive, he was very much there to witness the supposed self induced death... Idk whether to call it a suicide fakeout cuz to everyone Tundra dying was her sacrifice from protecting the realm... and very much not self induced... And then she doesn't die anyway she just pretends that she is gone... Barley is very well aware of all this... I think even at the end of the story Sparklyn and Chase are the only ones that find out abt her true identity... If anyone else rllyyyy had to know then maybe Lune but she's the kind to find out and never tell anyone lmao I don't think even Aeris knows of this but she can also sense it w the sudden respect Lune has for her that she previously never had (like Lune does respect Aeris but then they often also buttheads cuz their personalities and motifs are so diff, but Aeris has been in the supposed industry for so long she can never hold it against a youngster who's just trying to survive)

Cut plot points

Idk man EI isn't that developed to have that much cut plot points but so far its probably to make Chase more or a solo hero instead of the initial idea of having him have a team... (Bonus w Nimble being a lil sidekick but their bond is fleshed out enough for me to bother writing them in) Cuz I thought him being Aeris' replacement made more sense if he were to shoulder everything himself, also as an excuse to pretty much reduce the character count lmao I didn't wanna add too much to the point they end up unexplored (a lot of POE chars suffer from this unfortunately and it's something I'm trying to fix as of late, TEF has a more solidified cast where everyone has some sort of relevance and I'm trying to do the same w EI here), in fact a lot of the chars in SF and SD are very underdeveloped lmao whilst TSIAS suffers from a chronically low character count of just six... I need more plot points rlly (I do have something brewing in my head as of late but I'm too EI brainrotted latey to expand on it)

[lees-chaotic-brain]

omg tysm for the tag!!! you always tag me in all of your tag games and i have fun lol

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Um so ever since I was a child I would essentially write self insert in my head lmfao, and one day i was just like, ykw imma write something. i posted it here and it ended up getting like 700 notes so i was like omg i'm actually good at this and it just kinda snowballed from there.

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

On paper?? JJK, BHNA, and all of the Tamora Pierce books (i wrote a 100 page self insert fanfiction on paper in 4th grade). In my head? Well, the little mermaid (shut up i was seven), ella enchanted (again, literally in elementary school), aot, mistborn, haikyuu, acotar, fourth wing, and i'm sure like a ton more i just can't remember.

🍎Do you read or write more fanfiction?

i probably read like 100 fics for ever 1/2 fic i write lol

🍌What is one way you've improved as a writer?

i've gotten a lot better at sticking with a project so it's longer and adding more detail in so it's not just dialogue with like one or two plot points. i've pretty much just gotten better at adding pretty filler lmao

🍑Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

so uh, i like don't work on my fanfics at all for like a month then i write the entire thing in one sitting, refuse to edit it and post. the worst of those is probably my refusal to edit. there is no second draft. there is an outline, and the one that gets posted (don't look at me ik i'm exposing myself rn)

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

i love literally any and all comments on my work!! they make me so happy and motivate me to write!! however, if i had to choose a fav it would probably be when people leave a full review, or quote a line they particularly enjoyed

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

satosugu. i've gotten so many requests for them, but writing the dynamics of a poly relationship is really intimidating for me, but i want to give the masses what they want so maybe one day!!

🍇what made you choose your username?

well, lee is my middle name, and due to rampant adhd i'm extremely chaotic, so lees-chaotic-brain was born!!!!

omg wait this was so fun!!

no pressure tags: @kimkaelyn @seireiteihellbutterfly @arlerts-angel @itsjunear @artists-ally + whoever wants to join!!!!

Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

Thank you @metalbvcky. NPT for @mrs-illyrian-baby @doasyoudesireandlive @km-ffluv @labella420

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

As a teen I was a voracious reader and tried to write my own stuff based on other books I'd read. I also loved ST:TNG and wanted dearly to be in an episode and had lots of the books. I wrote my own ST stories with OC's (gratuitous self inserts), but they never went anywhere. In my late teens I read some Xena fanfic on the internet. But that was it for a great number of years.

At the beginning of 2021 I sat and watched the entirety of the MCU films in chronological order (I'd seen most of them before and was mainly a Thor gal.) I fell down the Stucky rabbithole. Deep. I decided to look up fanfic. AO3 was now a thing! I wrote (a very poor) Stucky fic and here we are, almost 3 years later

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

As my ST stuff never made it further than my parent's old PC in the days of dial-up, I won't count it.

I've written for MCU, various Chris Evans and Seb Stan Characters and one fic for RWRB. I've been toying with writing a one-off Criminal Minds fic as a gift for a friend.

🍈How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Three in July since I first published anything on AO3.

🍎Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I try to balance it out. If I have a period of hyperfocus writing I try to then go through a period of reading. I read on both Tumblr and AO3, so try to keep that even as well.

🍌What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Getting betas to pick me up on tense changes, overuse of words and rogue commas. Reading more. Practising. Writing outlines for longer stories so I don't go off-piste.

🍑Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Getting bored half-way through a long fic, especially if the first few parts haven't had a lot of interaction. Which is why I try to write the whole thing before I start posting.

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Engineering courses at MIT and, for a separate fic, Violet wands, including the ways to use them and the differnt types of accessories you can use with them. I even watched a Youtube video.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment! Anything that gives me the validation I need!

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I wrote a transformation into Tsum-tsum fic that was both cracky and smutty. That's pretty niche.

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Action scenes. I loathe them. I'm constantly wondering if they are long enough, and make sense.

🍏What is the easiest type?

Short things that are either PWP or fluffy slices of life.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Mainly on my elderly laptop on G-Docs, and in every moment I can - normally afterwork before dinner and on Mondays when I don't have work.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

There are a few characters and ships I haven't written that I'd like to. And I suppose I'd like to write a proper long, over 100k fic at some point.

🍇 what made you choose your username?

When I made my AO3 account I felt as though that at 40, and only really starting in Fandom in this way, I was late to the party, so that is who I became.

[wincestisasincest]

Waves on the Shore - Chapter 6: The Leftover Kids

Viktor x Fem!Reader slow burn enemies to lovers

x posted on ao3 // WOTS masterlist

Summary: Jayce and Viktor questioning you about your weapon (made with farm-fresh Hextech) is the only thing keeping you from going to jail for science crimes. You and Viktor are literally at each others throats lmao. Also you’re from Bilgewater because pirates are fucking rad

Notes: Not gonna lie babes I actually really struggled writing this one, especially the second to last scene it went through sooooooo many drafts and for what? Originally it was a lot tamer but let's be real it was coming so... anyway sorry if it's kind of bad I did my best. Also! I am literally so overjoyed with how much you all liked the last chapter like ejtlehtehatelthe this week was very busy for me but seeing everyone enjoy it made me grin like an idiot every time. Next week is break so I'll have more time to write and interact with y'all and stuff. Anyway, enjoy this episode of "the only way that these two know how to tell each other to do better is by being really mean about it."

BIG TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter deals with themes of sexual assault. Nothing happens, but characters do talk about it occasionally and there are some implications. It's not near as bad as it was in Chapter 2, but just a heads up because people on Iron Leg's ship are not good people and we have to talk about it! Now!

Word Count: 7.7k

Tags: @edenstarkk, @modernamilf, @dedicated2viktor, @doctorho, @yeehawbvby (hi sorry i could not answer your comment directly because this is a sideblog but akejrhkejhte i'm so glad you like it and welcome to the taglist!)

Mentions of: Alcohol, explosions, guns, sexual assault

Triggers: Blood, death, prison, sexual harassment, poison, hospitals, babies (dunno if this counts but babies and birth kinda freak me out so), language

“Okay,” you exhaled, “the key here is to not clue him in on what you do and don’t already know. Once you actually get the interrogation rolling, it should be easy enough, but make sure that you start by telling him that you’re just confirming information. Make sure he believes it, too. That way, he won’t know what he can leverage against you. I don’t think he’ll even try lying, it’s never been his thing. He’ll probably just tell you to piss off if he doesn’t want to answer something. But, if you do think he’s lying, call him out on it.”

You paused, giving them time to process before you continued.

“Present the stuff early and keep it in sight – he’s a businessman. Make it feel like a transaction. If he tries to scare you, that means he’s getting desperate. He’s not bright but he’s not stupid either, so he knows that he can’t really do anything to you, and normally, he doesn’t threaten unless he means it, so if he tries to threaten you, that means he’s panicking. Don’t,” you directed a look at Jayce, “promise anything that you can’t do. If you want to question him later, you’ll need to keep his trust. Don’t,” you moved your judgement to Viktor, “insult him or his pride. He doesn’t respond well to that and will probably just shut down.”

Jayce bit his lip shamefully, but Viktor’s face didn’t move. He was as unyielding as he was attentive.

“Don’t hold what you’re offering him over his head. If he wants it, he’s not gonna want to admit it, so let him pretend. And don’t,” you emphasized your final point with your hands, “call him anything other than Iron Leg. It’s a sign of respect. If you pull up with that Mr. Byrne shit that the Enforcers use, I guarantee you’ll lose him instantly.”

You relaxed your shoulders, watching absolutely nothing happen behind their eyes.

“Okay?” you asked when they didn’t say anything.

“Okay,” Jayce swallowed.

“I didn’t make you nervous, did I?” you put your hands on your hips.

“Course not,” Jayce lied, “we dealt with you just fine.”

You groaned and tilted your head back, as if asking the ceiling to crush you right now.

“The point of all that,” you brought your head back down so you were facing them again, “was that he is not like me. That guy in there has got a hell of a lot of things he wants to protect; his ego, his reputation, his crew’s loyalty. He won’t offer you information, no matter how much it benefits him in the long run, if it means losing any of those. Just ask the people who tried to interrogate him before you. He won’t listen to logic. That’s why you have to speak his language.”

“Understood,” Viktor said before Jayce could ask another question. As much as it pained you to admit, you trusted Viktor with this operation more than his partner. Ever the idealist, Jayce had to appeal to people’s better nature even when it wasn’t there to begin with. Viktor, well, that was not a problem he had.

“Good,” you said, opening your palm to reveal the rusty wedding ring and the sketch that you had taken from the ship. They hadn’t left your pocket since before the cannon incident. Your pants felt weirdly light as you relinquished them.

Viktor grabbed the trinkets, performing the usual ritual of trying to minimize skin to skin contact. Jayce noticed his deftness.

“I don’t think you’re gonna break ‘em, Vik. That ring looks older than Heimerdinger,” he rolled his eyes.

Viktor just grunted and closed his hand, letting his arm fall to the side.

“Oh, and one more thing,” you said hastily as they turned to leave, “please don’t mention that I’m, like… helping with this. Please.”

“You got it,” Jayce gave you a thumbs up.

“Thank you.”

They were gone through the swinging doors and you were already suffocating in the sudden quiet they left in their wake.

Just visiting this concrete box was soul-crushing. You’d seen prisons before, but this was your first time being inside one, and you couldn’t fathom living here. If one could call it living. You supposed that you would have to, sooner or later.

Even the name was eerie. Stillwater. The very thing you hated about Piltover’s ocean.

You were protected when you were still with Jayce and Viktor – they were reminders that you belonged to the outside world. But now, all alone, everything was closing in. The buzz of the receptionist copying cell numbers into her documents, the metal chairs bolted to the ground in militaristic rows, the air that was too cold and made your hairs stand at alert.

You blinked in the sterile light.

“Is there a bathroom I could use?” you winced at the hoarseness in your voice as you addressed the receptionist.

“Down the hall to left,” she stopped writing for less than a second to point her pen, not checking to see if you got the message.

All you needed was a splash of water in your face and your shit would be back together, you told yourself as you approached the stretch of darkness. Noises pattered against the heavyset walls, but you tuned them out to focus on the door at the very end. Four inches thick with a cold handle.

You shoved your hands in your pockets and squeezed the fabric on the inside. The clamor from behind the walls was getting louder the farther you got from the lobby’s crushing fluorescence, trapping you between two sensory hells.

A door opened somewhere, wailing with age. The chatter from the inside of the room roared down the hallway before the bang of the door severed it off again. Meticulous steps in time with passive shuffling walked down towards you as two shadows unfolded.

You didn’t speed up. The guard wasn’t here for you. You were just going to the bathroom. No need to make a scene.

Your fingers numbed with strain as you gripped the fabric even tighter. Was your breathing too loud?

Finally, you passed each other in the middle of the hallway. The guard was wearing a blue uniform and escorting a burly person in a striped tank top. The prisoner had a sluggish river of blood coming from his nose. Your eyes instinctively flicked to the floor, where you noticed the his ankles. They were worn and skinny, and you had looked straight into their sharp bones not long ago.

You refused to cower, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. Stringent red veins coursed through them, unforgiving and violent. Your knew this man.

A phantom sensation of his grimy hand on your upper arm, sidling closer to your chest but never touching it, lest Iron Leg give him a painful reminder to not bother you while you were working. The way that those stupid fucking legs would kick you “on accident” and compel you to look up into his hungry expression, like he was appraising a hooker about to suck his dick.

He recognized you too. The edges of his mouth crinkled into a pleased grin, breaking apart the half-dried blood. He tossed a wink in your direction as he was dragged further down the hall.

You flipped him off without slowing down, ignoring how your heart leapt straight into your throat. He just chuckled, and the sound stayed with you long after you vacated each other’s line of sight.

You reached the end of the hall and stood dumbly, forgetting why you were here. You turned to your left – ah, yes. The bathroom. You rushed to lock yourself into the first stall you could find, falling to your knees in front of the toilet and grabbing its sides as you waited for vomit.

None came. You just saw your reflection in the tainted water, marred by a shit stain.

Gods, this place was going to kill you.

*****

The name was accurate, Viktor thought.

The design of Iron Leg’s iron leg was not economical, nor medically approved, but it was at least shaped like the appendage that it was meant to replace. In the prison-issued pants, it looked so similar to the unaffected leg that Viktor couldn’t tell where the prosthetic ended.

The metal gurgled in the shadows when the pirate lifted his head to spare Viktor a glance. He must’ve been unimpressed, as he went back to hunching over his journal immediately. He held his pencil at the very end, like an artist.

“Iron Leg?” Jayce asked, inviting some snide comment that anyone could see coming from a mile away.

“No, lad, I’m fuckin’ Flesh Leg.”

Though buried beneath a hardy sea-farer’s accent, his voice was clear and self-assured. One made to give orders and lacking the rawness of a boozehound.

“We have some things that we think you’d be interested in,” Viktor uncurled his hand and revealed the treasures in the dim light, “we would like to exchange them for information.”

Iron Leg shut the journal with one hand and set it on the floor. The cell was small and sparse, almost like his Captain’s Quarters after they were searched. And yet, even though this cell must’ve cycled through thousands of prisoners in its lifetime, it didn’t feel as lived in as the ship had. The walls were regularly refurbished to remove any cell graffiti, the bedsheets were made every morning as part of the prisoner’s routine, and decoration of any kind was not permitted, especially in the high security wing.

The pirate’s legs screeched as his stiff joints propelled him forward two languid steps.

His hair was brown and knotted. The locks were down to his armpits and highlighted the burnt, fizzled texture of his uneven beard. His tank top exposed damaged arms, with gangly muscles covered in scrapes and bruises – some fresh, some old, none on their way to a full recovery. Veins pulsed against his pale, corpse-like skin, though his cheeks were ruddy and his crow’s feet moved with the rest of his face. A circular black wound festered in the middle of his clavicle.

He struggled to the floor and stretched his leg out, exposing the janky bolts that were supposed to be an ankle. Viktor figured that he should sit down as well, to not seem intimidating, and pulled a distracted Jayce to the floor with him when he didn’t follow. He set the ring and the sketch just out of Iron Leg’s reach at the edge of the cell bars.

“Went lookin’ in my safe, did ye?”

His eyes were open and wily, burning like dynamite about to explode. He was not the classic picture of intimidating, but that only made him worse in Viktor’s mind. This man was a complete wild card.

“The ship was searched,” Viktor said.

“Aye, it was, but they would not have found this safe unless they knew that one was there. So, tell me – which one of my crew squealed?”

“None of them,” Viktor employed his poker face with more struggle than he was used to, “the search procedure was actually quite, eh, destructive, given how closed off your crew was. But that is not important. We have questions for you.”

“And in return,” Jayce gestured to the ring and the sketch, as though Iron Leg was not already staring straight at them, “these’ll be yours. Most of your other stuff was confiscated, but we talked the Enforcers out of ‘em. We just need you to confirm some information for us.”

Yes, Jayce was the better liar of the two. A consequence of that damn earnest face of his.

“Then you best start talking.”

Iron Leg was cooperative, almost genial, and Viktor felt uneasy.

On the boat ride to Stillwater you had regaled them with stories of his brutality, from both drunk and legitimate sources. Perhaps not your most tactful move before an interrogation, but you were fond of lying, Viktor had noticed. Omitting information you were more than happy to do, but if someone asked you a question, you gave them nothing but blunt candor.

It was refreshing compared to the snake-like insinuation of Piltover’s social scene. However, it meant that when Jayce challenged you with a “how bad can he be?” you gave him a thoroughly terrifying answer.

Viktor had known about his atrocities for no more than the past hour, and he was already more haunted by them than Iron Leg ever was. The pirate spoke with a conscience as clear as a sunny day.

“Right. Describe the process of building the cannon.”

The first half of the questions that they planned were tests to see how cooperative he would be, per your recommendation. Though he tended to draw out his answers, he was truthful and stayed in line with your characterization. When he hesitated between sentences, tossing around his options in his head, he would look back at the ring and the sketch on the floor.

He betrayed no other signs of inner turmoil, but Viktor suspected that they had him right where they wanted him.

“…and that was when the crew decided that it was time to raise the white flag. Damn mutiny if you ask me,” he grumbled.

“You would’ve kept attacking?” Jayce raised an eyebrow.

“Aye, lad.”

“What compelled you to attack?”

“I wanted to see Piltover burn,” he said grimly. Viktor did not place him as the mastermind behind the conspiracy, but he was no puppet on strings either. He had an axe to grind, and he was ready to die for it.

“Why?” Viktor asked before he could stop himself.

“You think that the whole world was made for Piltover, don’t you? That just because you have money and progress, that means that everything is yours for the taking? I’m just the first of many people who are trying to take it back,” he was teetering on the edge of a full outburst.

He sounded a bit like you when you first spoke to the Council, scolding them for their complicit acceptance of trafficked humans from Bilgewater.

“You resorted to engineering to attack Piltover,” Viktor backed away from that line of questioning as to not anger the pirate.

“It wasn’t engineering until we got the wench on board,” he said, making Jayce grimace, “I just knew that the crystals had the firepower I needed. Only after I got ‘em did I think to get someone with half a brain on board to make ‘em usable.”

“And the… wench,” Viktor forbade himself from using your name, lest he hint of your involvement, “why did you select her?”

“Because she was there for the taking, lad. Mighty good with tools according to the locals, and no gang to get mad if we plucked her off the island and never brought her back.”

“Were you going to bring her back?”

“I was. After the boys had their fun of course,” he chuckled, noticing Jayce’s blanched face.

“Why not just kill her at that point?” Viktor asked, smoothly keeping his own disgust in check.

“It’s not how we do it out there. It’s a respect thing for other pirates, see; can’t go around killing public property, right lad?” he wheezed with laughter and slapped his knee, directing the question at Jayce so he could relish in his discomfort.

Viktor recalled that time that you had compared him to pirates for describing your “utility.” It was almost impressive, how you both managed to uncover the exact parts of each other’s memories that would sting the most without even knowing. Viktor felt a little sick – was this even long enough ago to be a memory for you?

Iron Leg was still laughing, and Viktor rattled the bars with his cane.

“Stay focused,” he said.

The pirate heaved, planting both of his hands on the floor. He had stopped looking at them, allowing Jayce to overcome his repulsion and help with getting the conversation back on track.

“Hey, stay-“

Jayce was cut off by a ghastly cough and a splatter. A dark, oxidized swirl marked the floor. Blood.

“Shit. I’ll get a doctor,” Jayce stumbled up and sprinted out of the room, shouting that someone needed medical attention.

Iron Leg collapsed to the floor, writhing against his lungs. His hands were covered in bloody viscera as he clawed at the bars and his face was completely white. The tip of his finger was reaching for the sketch. Viktor pushed it closer, watching him curiously.

“She…” he panted, tracing red over the portrait of the girl, “she…”

“Yes?” Viktor pressed, gentle but urgent.

“My daughter,” he wheezed again, “Myrna.”

His hand went limp and blocked out the drawing’s eyes. Viktor hastily clutched his wrist and dug into its side with his fingers, holding his breath and waiting for a pulse.

None came.

*****

Someone called to you from below deck. Not for Penny, but you. The depths were bellowing your real name, vibrating the rotten wood beneath your feet.

You couldn’t feel the wind, but somehow it filled the sails and kept the ship functional, cutting forward through the vast blue mirror. It lurched when it was steered, but the deck was entirely empty, and there was no land in sight. It was calm.

You went down the stairs, following the syllables that should’ve only been familiar to you flitting through the congested air. It didn’t sound like they were trying to summon you, just testing your name out, like a child that had learned a new word.

You brushed past the neatly hung hammocks with no one in them. Your name had a slight bastardization from how it was normally pronounced. This person wasn’t from Bilgewater.

And there he was, in the center of the room, lit up by choppy rays of sunlight from the rafters and pacing around, the part of you that he had no right to know spilling from his lips. His cane wasn’t making any noise, so your loud, clunky steps were even more disturbing.

He saw you and cocked his head to the side with surprise, stopping his rambling, like you had intruded on something.

“Penny?” Viktor asked.

You startled, opening your eyes and accidentally biting your tongue. You straightened your neck and swallowed the taste of copper as all the joints that you’d buried into the chair eased into waking discomfort.

It was white. You were at the hospital. You must’ve dozed off after they drew blood. You unfolded your hands from your lap and yawned, cracking your back. Viktor and Jayce were gone.

Iron Leg had died from slow acting poison while the boys were interrogating him. You three were immediately transported to the nearest medical center to check for any toxins in your bloodstream. You had yet to learn if Iron Leg had yielded any good information.

They were a tad strange on the boat ride back, refusing to look you in the eye or give your questions any real answers. Jayce, you could maybe understand, as this might have been his first corpse. Viktor, however, had definitely seen death – not that that made processing it any easier, but you expected him to take it differently from Jayce. Yet they were both entrenched in denial, as though you were the one that had died and not Iron Leg.

You stood up and touched your toes. Perhaps some movement would keep you from falling asleep again, you thought as your interest was captured by the vibrant swaths of fabric on the large window of the hallway.

Getting closer, you recognized the squirming and crying coming from the colors. Those were babies. You had stumbled into the maternity ward.

Leaning your head against the glass, you observed them like wild animals.

“Uh… what are you doing?” Jayce asked, appearing out of nowhere. You didn’t turn around.

“There are so… few of them,” you said, “this is the only hospital in Piltover?”

There were exactly 15 babies there, all healthy, with their scrunched together, barely awake faces. They reminded you of drunk adults.

“What do you mean?” Jayce was at your side, watching them with less interest.

“What I said. There are not a lot of babies.”

“Oh? Well, I know that Piltover does a pretty good job with controlled pregnancy. They want all of these kids to go to good homes.”

“What happens if a birth is unplanned?”

“Then the parents either get help from the state or the kid gets adopted.”

“There’s always someone looking to adopt?”

“Or foster. But yeah.”

“What about the leftover kids?”

“There aren’t any leftover kids.”

“So every kid has somewhere to live? No orphanages, no factories, no nothing?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. That doesn’t happen in Bilgewater,” you dropped your hands to your side, “unwanted pregnancy is a whole industry there.”

Jayce went quiet, and you stopped caring about the babies.

“Did I say something?” you turned to the side, spotting the distant bearing in his expression.

“No,” he shook his head suddenly, “I was just thinking. By the way, we’re all poison free.”

“Oh. That’s good, I guess,” you rested your shoulder against the window, “so, did you get anything before the ol’ dog kicked the bucket?”

“Viktor said something happened after I left. I’ll have to ask him about it. But other than that, no.”

“Damn,” you sighed.

Everywhere you turned you just got more evidence that there was some greater conspiracy going on, but the specifics were swiped away from you before you could look any closer. You were grasping at straws, confused, with no sign of an end in sight, and having to drag every breakthrough kicking and screaming into the open.

“But hey, we’ll keep trying,” Jayce smiled softly.

“Do you think it’s worth it? To keep trying?” you said, playing with your fingers, “I mean, whoever is doing this, they don’t wanna be found. And they’ll kill people for it. Maybe… maybe we should stop before more people get hurt.”

“I thought you wanted to solve this?” Jayce asked doubtfully.

“I did, but I’m kinda over it. Fuck my closer, Iron Leg might not be the only one dead if we don’t let up,” you let yourself sound a little harsher to mask any vulnerability.

“This is why we must look into it, yes?” Viktor said from behind you, the clack of his cane not even registering since you had gotten so used to it, “this person is dangerous.”

“But they don’t have to be if we just stop looking.”

“That is what they want us to do.”

“Okay? That’s better than them wanting us dead, isn’t it?”

“I believe that this is worth the risk,” Viktor stood beside Jayce, who was nodding along enthusiastically.

“Alright, well,” you conceded, raising your hands, “if you wanna keep digging, I can’t stop you, but it seems unnecessary to me.”

You refused to acknowledge the awkward silence and turned back to the babies.

No kid goes unwanted in Piltover. Maybe it was because this city needed a consistent supply of people willing to risk themselves for some greater good. Viktor, though, he wasn’t from Piltover. He should know that when you had no state or family to look out for you, you were the only thing keeping yourself from an early grave.

*****

“Do you… think we should say something?”

“What is there to say? We already knew that she was not voluntarily on the ship. It is unfortunate, but…” Viktor trailed off, not wanting to sound like a broken record, “we are not going to take away her agency. It is infantilizing. She will tell us if she wishes too.”

“You know that’s not gonna happen,” Jayce put his head in his hands, sighing, “I feel dirty, Vik. I mean, come on, ‘public property?’ That’s… we can’t just leave it at that.”

“Things like this happen in Bilgewater all the time. It just feels worse now because we know her.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“I’m aware,” Viktor said, tapping his fingers on his desk.

Jayce had been thinking about it since they left Stillwater. Viktor couldn’t blame him, as he was similarly frustrated with the lack of insight that the two had on you. All of this time, and they had never considered what circumstances brought you to being on a ship full of lecherous pirates doing war crimes. You clearly weren’t as blood thirsty as they were, so what kind of life had you lead where you were the go-to resource for gangs who needed engineering and didn’t like consequences? You certainly weren’t in any rush to explain it either, even though it might’ve been helpful in your appeal to the Council, which was only more suspicious

Viktor refused to coddle you, and he knew that Jayce would to, even if his partner was a bit nicer about it. Everyone has problems, and at the end of the day, you were still an adult who made her own choices and had to take responsibility for her actions. He believed that you would like this interpretation as well.

Yet, the more he learned about you, the harder it was to fight the rogue, almost scientific, impulse to understand what made you tick.

“Not interrupting anything, am I?” you said from the doorway in the office, your most recent invention glowing in your hands.

“No, no, not at all,” Jayce answered too quickly, “what’s up?”

Your eyes darted back and forth between them, unconvinced, but knowing that it wasn’t worth your time.

“That professor in charge of the Council is here for you. Both of you,” you nodded towards the room with your head, “surprised you didn’t hear him come in.”

Sure enough, Heimerdinger was here unannounced, looking abnormally stressed. The roll of paper tucked under his arm jittered as he tapped his feet impatiently. He bristled when you walked past him towards the other room.

“Ah, if you could stay here, Miss Penny. I’d like your input.”

You paused, turning around and squinting at him, though you quickly relented and joined Viktor and Jayce in the center of the lab.

The Professor scurried onto one of the chairs and stood up, spreading the scroll onto the table. Viktor stood over his shoulder, recognizing a nautical map of the routes between Bilgewater and the Piltover bridge.

“We have received word that there is a fleet en route to Piltover with artillery similar in design to yours, Miss Penny. One can only guess how it spread so quickly, but regardless, our estimate gives us two days until they arrive.”

“Where are they now?” you asked, studying the map beside Viktor.

“We’re not sure, but we know that they left 18 days ago, and the standard route for vessels this size indicates a travel time of 20 days.”

“For trading ships maybe, but any pirate fleet wouldn’t risk being that close to Noxus outposts,” you ran your finger along the stretch of desert continent at the top of the map, “they would take the South passage instead. So, you’ve probably got four days.”

Viktor was amazed at how you could say something genuinely reassuring but still make it sound like a warning.

“Well, either way, I’ve come to discuss the, uh… what did you call it, Jayce?”

“She’s calling it the wave inverter,” Jayce said, pointing to you from across the table, “you’re gonna have to ask her.”

Heimerdinger turned to you expectantly.

“Oh, um, sure. What did you want to know?”

“I’d like you to show me how it works,” Heimerdinger said, his characteristic sincerity shining through his reluctance to talk to you, “it is defensive, is it not?”

“Yeah,” you said, “hold on.”

You set your prototype down on the table and rifled through the desks behind you. Heimerdinger eyed it cautiously. No bigger than your hand, it was haphazardly assembled out of wires, scrap metal, bolts, and some precarious but sturdy clear casing with a foreboding crystal in the center.

“Why is it red?” he asked, the prototype flickering in his blue eyes like an alarm.

“I like red,” you said, back still facing him, “just used a rune. But I wanted to have it be a different color so that, even if the magic waves canceled out, the light wouldn’t. So, y’know, you could still see what was going on.”

Heimerdinger looked at Viktor, who could only shrug.

“Okay,” you turned around and set two empty drinking glasses on the table, along with a standard, blue, Hextech crystal, “so, the wave inverter is a constant stream of magical energy coming from one crystal. Because of the way that the energy is transferred into the system that you want to protect,” you continued as you began to wire your prototype into one of the glasses, “the magic can only use objects with really close molecules as conduits, meaning that the waves are seismic, so it won’t mess with air and water and stuff, but will reach every surface. Uh-“ you pursed your lips, “how technical do you want me to be?”

“Do keep it brief. I trust Viktor and Jayce will take care of any technicalities.”

“Okay. Well, basically, the waves are weak to begin with – you can’t even feel them – and they travel through solid objects, which makes them weaker. Because of this, they only react to magic stimuli. So, when another wave of magic interacts with an object hooked up to the wave inverter, say, a blue wave,” you grunted as you attached a soldered receptacle to the glass and threaded some conductive copper through it, “it creates a vacuum that the wave already going through the object, the red wave, will instantly react with. The necessary magic is harnessed from the crystal to produce a red wave to occupy the vacuum, which makes it perfectly inverted to the blue wave and cancels out any effect it would have on the object.”

You clicked your tongue and checked over your work – at least, that’s what Viktor hoped you were doing.

“Like so,” you said, tapping the blue crystal without any warning. A small wave of magic shuddered through the table. Jayce and Heimerdinger shielded their eyes out of habit, but Viktor kept still. This was his first time seeing it in action, and he would not spare any attention to detail.

A crack ruptured the empty glass, rendering the side facing the crystal a glossy spiderweb of broken pieces loosely held together by the still-intact base. However, the glass with your prototype meticulously wired inside of it, blinking like a beady red eye, was perfectly unharmed as a brief blue and red flash glinted across it.

“My word,” Heimerdinger said, slowly lowering his hand. The Professor was not easily impressed, and though Viktor had the privilege of seeing it a few times, it was becoming an even rarer occurrence as the years went on.

“So, yeah, it’s just a prototype, but that’s the idea,” you finished, starting to clear the table as if you had just explained how to make a friendship bracelet.

“I- well, this could certainly be the solution that we need to deal with this fleet,” Heimerdinger stammered, trying to process both what just happened and your unphased reaction to it.

“Um… I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I’ve only gotten it to work on small things.”

“I see,” Heimerdinger paused, “well, I’m normally not one to encourage hasty progress, but I must say that we are in dire need of some defensive measures here. You have proof of concept, Miss Penny. If you could configure it to a larger structure, say, a Piltover ship, safely,” he paused for emphasis, “we would be indebted to you, willing to grant a request of your choosing.”

“Extradition,” you said immediately, spinning back around with intent.

“I- well perhaps something a little more reasonable-“

“You said I get to choose and I choose extradition,” you wiped your hands on your pants, “what, am I gonna make more magic weapons now that I’ve literally just told you how to stop them?”

“Wait, you can’t just-“ Jayce started.

“Very well,” Heimerdinger said curtly, rising to his feet, “the Council will consider extradition if you can pull this off. Safely. We do not need another cannon incident.”

“Wait, Professor, she can’t just leave,” Jayce was following him to the door.

“Ouch,” you said dryly.

“If you have a moral objection, Mr. Talis, then you’d better go ahead and say it. But, if what you’ve told me is true, then the work is entirely her own, so the choice lies with her,” Heimerdinger explained it kindly to Jayce, though his sternness was being tempted.

“Right. Of course,” Jayce quickly recovered and straightened himself, “always enjoy your visits, Professor.”

“Likewise, my boys,” Heimerdinger said, nodding a silent goodbye at Jayce and Viktor before leaving without another word.

The minute that the Professor’s light steps disappeared down the hallway, Jayce shifted to you.

“Extradition?” he crossed his arms, trying to keep his voice down.

“I don’t see the problem,” you said, “I wasn’t going to be here for long anyway. Now, I just get to not go to prison.”

“I thought you were going to stay for longer.”

“And do what? Keep turning out new crap forever? I mean, yeah, when the alternative was dying in a prison fight that was nice, but now…” you stopped, looking at your feet, and your face softened, “I want to go home.”

It was the meekest Viktor had ever seen you, which was ironic, since your brows were furrowed insistently and your chest was puffed out. No, it was the words, Viktor thought – personal words like “want” and “home.” You used them rarely, and now, your voice weakened at their very mention.

“But we’ve done some really great stuff here! How could you want to go back to, well, whatever you were doing in Bilgewater,” he fumbled over his words, “with all of this?!

“I wasn’t doing whatever,” you said bitterly, “I’ve lived there my whole life.”

“Okay, let’s uh, let’s start this over,” Jayce scratched the back of his neck, “we’ve talked to some people about what you used to do there, and-“

“One of them didn’t happen to be a dead pirate, did they?” you raised an eyebrow, backing away from him slightly.

“I know what you’re thinking, but it came up naturally, we-“

“Iron Leg said that his crew members would sexually assault you and referred to you as public property. The implication was that this was a common occurrence,” Viktor cut in for Jayce, knowing that politeness would simply not reach you.

You regarded Viktor, then Jayce, then Viktor again, not with surprise, but distaste. Something was stirring in your chest, but Viktor couldn’t place it.

“I’m no one’s whore,” you said darkly, “Iron Leg knew who I was because I would fix shit for other gangs when I needed cash, not because I was some helpless fucktoy.”

“We didn’t say that you were,” Jayce tried to explain, “but… fixing shit for gangs doesn’t sound much better?”

“I’m here because I don’t- can’t go to jail. You’re just a richer gang with nicer clothes,” you swallowed like your saliva was broken glass, “It doesn’t matter where I am. People like me have always got to be working for someone bigger than us to stay alive. Why would I do it here instead of the place I grew up?”

That was where you fucked up and Viktor caught on. You were lashing out in panic, like Jayce had observed when you first jumped off the building. You were trying to offend them, a little too obviously, to get them off your back. But why?

“No, I don’t think so,” Viktor said, looking down at you, “unless you’re trying to say that you would’ve just as easily sacrificed yourself for that former captain of yours?”

“That was a debt to repay and nothing else. If I owed Iron Leg shit, then I would’ve.”

“I don’t believe you,” he narrowed his eyes, “What is it that you’re protecting right now?”

“Myself, motherfucker!”

The whirring gears in Viktor’s head stopped as he developed a new hypothesis.

“All the people who took chances on you, all the things that you know you can do, all the things that you might want to do, this new person that you could become compared to the public menace that you are now – you would leave all of that behind to return to Bilgewater’s, eh, not safety, but… predictability?” he put both of his hands on his cane, watching you perceptively, satisfied as he began to stitch the pieces together, “I didn’t take you for a coward.”

“Excuse you, I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“You didn’t? What were you asking for, then, when you said that would lengthen your sentence for our sakes? Or when you inquired about the Undercity development projects? You know, most people would consider that noble.”

“I’m not most people.”

“No, you’re not. Most people would also seize the chance to be something greater the minute it was offered but you… you tasted what it was like to be a better person and it terrified you, didn’t it?” he found more courage and ignored Jayce’s apprehension.

“What the hell are you playing at?” you growled.

“This is the same reason you were afraid to investigate further, too,” he was looking at you, but this mind was somewhere else entirely, “because you know that you’re going to keep finding yourself in situations where you can choose to do the right thing. It’s safety, but there’s something else.”

“Vik, maybe you should-“

“You’re not stupid, you know that you could do something here. You know that even people who aren’t from Piltover, people like me, can do something here if they so wish. And you know it won’t be easy, but you’re used to that.”

“Okay, I get it, you can stop with the fuckin’ lecture now.”

“And yet, the minute that the chance to return to the status quo was dangled in front of you, you went for it. You would return to your life of desperation just to avoid being here any longer, but that makes no sense. The risk-reward of it is in you favor, but you refuse to take any risk.”

“Alright, let’s-“

“Does this place threaten you, I wonder? Does it hurt to be surrounded by people who are doing what you can’t, not because they are more intelligent than you, but purely due to the content of their-“

“SHUT UP!”

You were shaking with rage. Viktor thought you were going to spit on him again as you glared, eyes pointed like the barrel of a gun. Some would’ve considered it cruel, taking advantage of the very small cracks in your shell that you didn’t even give him permission to look through, but a part of him hoped that it would be the slap in the face you needed to finally do something productive with yourself. And he kept that hope until he saw the corners of your eyes brimming with wetness.

“Gods, what the FUCK is your problem?! Do you get your FUCKING ROCKS OFF by sitting around all day knowing that you’ve given so much of yourself for a city that DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT about it? You have NO idea how lucky you are to have every shitty little gamble you make pay off, do you? You know it’s not all you, right? You know that there are people who are just like you and never get to do ANYTHING no matter how hard they try? You know that it’s not ALL because you’re just that FUCKING great of a person? Because let me tell you, I’ve known your less than a month, and I’d prefer talking to IRON LEG’S FUCKING CORPSE, because at least HE won’t psychoanalyze me into next fucking Thursday to prove to HIMSELF that he’s a doing a good job” you took a heavy breath, “I hope that the next sacrifice you make fucking kills you.”

You returned to the workshop, roughly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

The confidence had long since left Viktor’s face as the cold reality of what he had done settled in. Your wish had come true, he supposed – he thought it would be a worthwhile, for himself more than you, to push you past your breaking point and strike your soft center, but it hurt a little too much, and you had retaliated by ripping out his gut like a vulture. He wanted to hate you, and in a lot of ways he still did, but he knew that for this, he only had himself to blame.

“Vik, it’s not-“ Jayce tried to put a hand on his shoulder.

“There. We have said something,” Viktor said ruefully as he swatted the hand away.

*****

Damn it all, it was going great until you got teary-eyed.

Was he even trying to upset you? He obviously wasn’t trying to make you happy, but it lacked the malice that you thought was disappearing over the last few days. Youthought that you had finally learned to coexist without ripping each other’s heads off, and now, the minute that you could finally do something for yourself, he had backtracked in a heartbeat.

At least now you knew that it wasn’t because he didn’t understand. No, that had been wrong for a while. He understood you perfectly, and he was collecting more data on you like a lion stalking its prey. But apparently understanding didn’t change anything for him. Two could play at that game.

Soon, it wouldn’t be your problem. Soon, you would be on the docks of Bilgewater. Soon, you could settle into a deep depression as you contemplated just how right he was, and how knowing all of that couldn’t change anything.

You adjusted your blueprints with angry pencil lines, wondering how the hell you were going to fit this to a whole ship in four days. You worked well under pressure – if there wasn’t pressure, then you didn’t work – but now you were fueled by sheer need to prove your point and get out of this place.

Amidst your stewing, a piece of paper shivered at the edge of your vision.

Another blueprint was on the far edge of the already huge table that you were working on, splaying over the other side. You hadn’t left it there.

Your chest tingled. Something was wrong here.

Slowly, ready to bolt or attack, you steadied yourself on the table and bent down to check underneath.

A pair of racing legs into the main area of the lab was all that you got to see. You popped back up to the surface. The blueprint was gone. Their footsteps pounded out the door.

“Penny?” Jayce called, thinking that you had left. You launched from your seat like a firecracker and sped towards the door.

“Someonestolesomething!” you shouted as you passed the bewildered blur, skidding in your turn and dashing down the cool hallway.

They had just rounded the corner. The tip of their shoe poked out from behind the wall.

Adrenaline pumped through your legs and you ran like there was fire at your heels. Normally, you were running from something, so this was a welcome, ahem, change of pace.

Into the stairwell. The rushed silence followed by metallic rustling told you that they jumped over the railing. Great, so you could you. You strongarmed yourself over the side and rolled into the fall just like you remembered, spreading the impact of the pain across your shoulder and through your back.

You were a bit rusty, but it seemed your prey was as well. You were close enough to see the finer details of the black coat clinging to them.

Through the glass doors. They left them slightly shattered at the edge. So did you when you pressed through them with your side, but you could blame it all on them.

The rush of chilly air and the dew nipping at your ankles as you chased them through the grass on the quad was exhilarating. You pushed yourself even harder now that you were uninhibited by the Academy’s stuffy, obstacle-ridden interior. Gods, you had missed just running around like a maniac.

They were trying to disappear into the streets. Good luck, you thought, knowing that you were gaining on them. You saw the upper half of their coat twist before they ran even faster. They knew it too.

You darted through the streets, able to pin down their form. They were smallish, someone that you could easily subdue if you tackled them with enough inertia. Given that you weren’t even sure if you could slow down without hurting yourself now, you could definitely manage it.

How long had they been hiding there? Surely before Heimerdinger came in. And why couldn’t they just ask you for the blueprint? Anyone who knew about it in the first place already had enough power to just ask for it.

Through the alleyway, dark like a tunnel. You were so close, almost touching, and you realized that they were shorter than you as well. By a lot.

You rammed your weight into them, sending you both tumbling into the steadfast pavement as you struggled to come out on top.

Finally, slamming both of your arms on the ground by either side of their head, you saw the scrap of blue paper clutched by small, shaking fingers. You looked into the eyes of the enemy: a 10 year old sniffling like he was about to cry.

You caught your breath, and the sharp twinge of brine wafting up from the fabric of his coat burned through your memories like a heatwave. And for a moment, you were just two lost kids from Bilgewater against the world.

~ End Notes ~

End credits song: "Hey Bulldog" by the Beatles

[lumilasi]

I wanted to draw something today, but after my first meeting with my coworkers (and going and coming back by bicycle, cycling 8 km total today, which I haven’t done in over a year so it was kinda tiring lmao) I was too tired to make anything too complicated. So instead I decided to design the cover for the new librarian Tomura fic beforehand. I don’t have a name for it yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out once I’ve written down more stuff.

I decided to also include a small sneak peek from the beginning I’ve written so far (it’s a rough draft so wording may change once I actually post it):

It was raining outside. Steady, thrumming sound of droplets hitting the roof seemed to go on forever. He lies awake, staring at the ceiling, waiting. It was not the time to get up yet, but he wasn’t going back to sleep.

The only other sound coming from around him was the clock ticking on the wall, making a tiny sound each time the hand moved a second forward. Then another, and another, a steady rhythm almost like a heartbeat.

Pale fingers reach out towards the nightstand, carefully picking up the phone and bringing it to is field of vision, checking the time. The clock was too far away, it was too dark to see. It was only 5.30, he had at least hour and a half before he needed to get up. Lowering the phone and it’s glaring light away from his face, the pale figure breathes in and out slowly, red eyes sliding shut as he listens to the sound of rain, and the steady ticking of the clock on the wall.

There were noises, whispers in his head.

They were always there, he was used to them by now.

Sitting up slowly, he rolls his shoulders lightly, noting his neck felt stuck; he’d slept in a bad position again, huh?

Slowly, he slips out of bed, bare feet touching the cool floor, making him grimace slightly. It was always cold in the morning, even putting down rugs didn’t help. In a way he didn’t care; the cold reminded him that he was still alive, that he was in control.

Pacing across the empty space of his small apartment he called home, the pale figure reaches the bathroom door, opening it. The hinges let out a soft squeak and he slips in, not bothering to turn on the light. He could see perfectly in the dark, like a cat stalking its prey in the dark of the night.

Walking to the sink, he turns the faucet, watching water run down the drain in a steady stream as he waits for it to cool a little more. Hands resting on the cold porcelain surface, he kept some fingers lifted, even if he no longer had to. It was an ages old habit, something he would probably never shake.

Eventually the figure bends his head down, washing his face to get rid of last bits of sleep from his eyes. He stays there for a moment with his head hanging low, pale white strands of hair brushing against the sink. He knew what he’d see once he’d look up, to the mirror. He could feel it already.

There were whispers in his head, quiet, distant voices he didn’t recognize.

All but one.

One voice stood above all, drowning out everything else when it spoke, leaving him alone in silence with it. A voice so familiar yet alien the same time, something he’d heard so many times, yet not realized it.

”It’s early.”

The echo reaches his ears, and he lifts his head finally, still leaning against the sink as red eyes focus in on the mirror. A familiar pale face greets him, with the blood red eyes, the scars, the never-ending frown of his brow that refused to leave. The bitter venom dripping from his gaze, bleeding into his snarling voice as he addresses the figure sitting at the edge of his bathtub. A figure only he could see.

”No shit. Tell ’em to pipe down.”

”I can’t. You’re in charge, remember?”

The figure smirks at him amused, a smile that hadn’t changed even after the figure had reached adulthood. Only grown more devious and malignant in time. This one was young, mostly free of that devilishness, but the similarity was undeniable.

”I don’t know how.”

”I don’t know either.”

[protectchara201x]

(ignoring all the other juicy Deltarune 2 stuff to shove Chara Talks into it lololol)

I haven’t been super active on this blog because frankly I have like, three? looong analysis/theorycrafting posts I’ve been putting off working on and it fills me with shame to log in and see them waiting in my drafts.

But.

With the release of Deltarune Chapter 2, I wanted to talk kinda in general about how I thought it could impact the fandom’s perception of Everybody’s Favorite Demon Baby, and also point out something in specific about the Weird Route that might connect back to Undertale.

Putting it under the cut to avoid spoilers and long-winded ramblings for the unwilling. Includes spoilers for the Weird Route.

(NOTE: may update later if I notice more things for to put in section II. I’d like to make a full list of parallels if I can tidy them up.)

I. Pre- vs Post-Release Thoughts (you can skip down to II if you don’t care, it is genuinely Long and Pointless)

Okay, so first off. I got SO worried like, the day before the new chapter dropped? It hit me that whatever new stuff we got out of this, people would connect back to Undertale, and. Honestly, I really do hate connecting everything back to Chara, because I do think of Kris as their own character and I really like them and don’t want to ignore everything they got going on. But, I am first and foremost a shameless Chara stan and they’re very important to me, so I kinda... did spend a few minutes reeling from all the new DR stuff as its own stuff, and then immediately started thinking about how this would reflect back on Chara in Undertale lol.

But that’s ok for me to do here because this is my All Chara, Only Chara, All The Time blog, so I am gonna only really talk about Deltarune here to talk about them lol.

So yeah, I started getting anxious beforehand worrying about how everyone would take any and all implications and apply it to mean “aha, Chara IS evil!” The fakeout with the pie reveal in the anniversary stream was a big relief, but I still got worried leading up to the release about what could be in it.

Because part of why I’ve always thought that “Chara was genuinely evil from the start” and even “ok maybe not TOTALLY evil, but Chara was still a kinda bad person” were unlikely was, even if you throw out all the other popular Chara-sympathetic theories. To me, both these takes just seemed too below TF’s talent and the way he wrote all his other characters with depth and love; a Chara like the one these theories propose just doesn’t belong in a world created by TF, and the way the Dreemurrs talk about them overall, the way TF made a point of having Chara say they were guided and repeatedly, correctly blame you the player for the destruction in Kill-All, I was sure that he never intended them to ever be as bad as the fandom sometimes tried to make them out to be.

... Like, mostly sure. Like, 80% sure? Because he never ever talks about them, so it’s impossible say for sure, and it is still theoretically possible that “Chara was and is bad” was the cold-ass take he’d intended all along. So yeah, leading up to the release, I started getting antsy that whatever new lore came out of it, either he’d directly confirm “Chara was a villain?” “*cocks gun* Always has been” or there’d be something that’d at least heavily implicate them, or could be twisted to implicate them, as a negative force. More ammo to be used against them in the Chara Debate Circles would be a drag, and outright confirmation of them as a villain would honestly break my heart and I’d be forced to disown Toby Fox, My Beloved Cool Dad.

And, right now? Tell the truth, I’m SO relieved and I am SO happy. And not just because of how much depth and characterization it seems Kris is getting! (imo, because rn I just headcanon them as an unhappy teen desperately trying to keep their new friends going on adventures with them and trying to fight back against the player’s control)

I love how this chapter seems to be TF doing course-correcting based on fandom interpretations. Because Kris just isn’t evil, even if they are a knife teen, even if they are the Knight, they’re just NOT evil and that’s canon, baybeeee; it’s made clear in this chapter and the previous one that they love their family even outside of the player’s control, they care about their new friends even outside of the player’s control, they’re established as a weird creepy kid but no one sees them as scary or evil, they’re just Kris, and even in the Weird Route, TF made a point of hammering in the differences between Kris and the player in the Weird Route: Susie and Ralsei notice how distressed Kris seemed after you have Noelle ice Berdly, Noelle heard a voice that she said wasn’t Kris telling her to kill, and the FUCKING Spamton fight: “Kris called for help... but nobody came” again and again, and then “You whispered Noelle’s name”... you, not Kris.

I know TF has never commented much on fans’ perceptions of Frisk and Chara, or who exactly is pulling strings in different routes. But after all this, and especially after seeing all the little winks and nods to fandom jokes in this chapter (what comes to mind: pulling everyone’s leg by seeming to have Kris attack Toriel with a knife only to reveal that pie theory was right, Susie not liking Ralsei’s real face as much as his shadowed one, Ralsei with a gun getting referenced with the ad, Kris getting a joke fixation with knives after the fans made Chara and Kris have knife obsessions as a joke), and seeing what looks like him try to correct some things (what stuck out to me was doubling down on showing that Kris is loved and valued in their family: lots of fans came away from Chapter 1 thinking that Kris was not valued as much as Asriel, but here we see that Toriel is supportive of Kris’ friendship with Susie, and it’s stated that Asriel is the one who used the crappy controller, not Kris) -

I think while he hasn’t commented directly, while he admitted to being overwhelmed by Undertale’s success, while he tends to be pretty tight-lipped about the lore (whether that’s because it’ll be addressed by future chapters or because he prefers to let fans sleuth it out), this chapter convinced me that Toby does keep tabs on fan reactions in Deltarune, so he probably does with Undertale too and would know about all The Discourse surrounding Little Mx Pink Cheeks (and in turn, popular theories like Narrator Chara... Toby if you integrate Narrator Chara into Deltarune being a borderline creepypasta and have the narrator start talking directly to the characters or to the player or the characters start talking to the narrator I will lose my damn B E A N S).

(Kris and Chara not being demonized and the narrator interacting directly with the characters were the only two things on my wishlist going in, I was fine with literally anything else happening lmao)

I even kinda think he’s going out of his way to separate Kris and the player because we didn’t get it before with Undertale, we still insisted that Frisk or Chara was the one doing it, and he’s even using Kris to show that even if this kid can be scary, maybe even mean, and maybe they’re even the Knight (with their reasons unknown), they’re still not a bad kid, they’re still funny and likable, and they still genuinely love their family and friends - which falls in line with Undertale’s cast of complex but likable people who can be antagonists and make mistakes but still aren’t truly bad people, and imo is a direct response to some people fixating on the idea that Chara was always evil because they seem scary/complicated.

... Which is a long way to say that I came out of Deltarune with my confidence fully restored about TF’s intentions with Chara and Kris. Even if he never comments on Chara directly, now I really don’t think TF thinks they’re evil or ever intended for them to be. Deltarune convinced me more than ever that Chara is meant to be complex, yes, and able to be influenced to do horrible things, but they were never intended to be as malicious or shallow as some fans insist.

TLDR:

Toby Fox read your mean fanfiction where Chara is a bad abusive serial killer no one likes, and he made Deltarune in revenge.

... Hm? Ah, you’d like me to get to the point! Right this way!

II. Undertale, Deltarune, and The Point

While no doubt some will still take the voice Noelle hears to be Chara influencing her to turn her into a murderer (I haven’t gone looking for it yet, but I’m sure it’s already a thing because I know this fandom), since it’s made too clear by the game that they can’t blame Kris for this one, I think at this point that’s just being too stubborn to consider other ideas.

If you believe in the totally made up idea used in so many fanfics that Chara is an evil spirit trying to whisper in Frisk’s ear to kill everyone, literally (for some reason) the embodiment of raising stats, and gets more control over people who have increased LV to take over their body... sure. Could be them, they did talk about moving on to the next world and all. I mean, that wouldn’t really make sense because it’s literally never implied in the actual game that Chara encourages you to kill outside of the Kill-All Run or even wants you to, certainly not as the narrator and we get no hint of them doing this as an unseen, unheard third-party either.

Not to mention they’re NOT literally possessing you because of increased LV; they don’t control you even with high LV in any Undertale route other than arguably the Kill-All, and if you fail the Kill-All and it turns into a high-body count Neutral, Chara suddenly stops using first-person narration and showing up in mirrors entirely even though they were showing themself before, the LV remains the same or even can get raised as high as LV 19, nor do they suddenly take over in any other Neutral runs. We can speculate on why (personally, I’d place this either on Chara’s mindset, such as them sinking into shock from the trauma or becoming more assertive as the player feeds their megalomania, or as a sign of Frisk’s withdrawal, leaving Chara alone in the body to take the reins and act out the player’s orders), but canonically, no, Chara does not take over due to high stats.

In fact, there’s even more evidence against this. First-person narration also exists for fleeing your battles in Undertale, even on Pacifist runs with base stats, 0 EXP, and an LV of 1. Since Chara is established to use first-person narration to refer to themself, is the only one who canonically does so, and is confirmed to be present even in all runs through their name and memories always showing up, it seems pretty likely that Chara can take control to flee battle. That means an increase in stats is not a sign of their presence or control, in Undertale or Deltarune.

The most damning blow to the idea that Chara is the voice corrupting Noelle are the lines in the fight with Spamton I mentioned. Kris called for help, but nobody came. You whispered Noelle’s name. Well hold on. If that’s Chara, shouldn’t it be “I whispered Noelle’s name”? As soon as you’ve officially started the Kill-All in Undertale, Chara starts up their “It’s me, Chara” schtick right away, right there in Toriel’s home in the first area, and if they weren’t the narrator before, they’re beginning to speak through the narration now. If the voice was Chara, surely Toby Fox knows it’d be a way bigger “oh shit” moment if the creepy scary hidden route once again switched into first-person, scaring us the same way he did before when we first saw “It’s me, Chara” and knew something was wrong; unfairly or not, their reputation as a villain is still well established and hinting to Chara’s presence with a simple “I” would drive the menace even further, if he intended for them to simply be a demon that possesses player characters when you grind enough. But it’s still just you. The player.

The Weird Route does even more to help Chara’s case than that. Not only is it made pretty clear that Kris and the player are separate, and the player is the one responsible for corrupting Noelle and making her kill... consider how similar Noelle and Chara are, in the Weird Route and the Kill-All Route.

This “voice” that “guides” them in growing strong, compelling them to kill everyone in order to fight for them, eventually driving them to murder people they know. Chara calls themself “the demon that comes when people call its name”, and you whisper Noelle’s name to have her appear to kill Spamton. Noelle’s conflicting emotions towards Kris and the voice as she is manipulated, as she becomes more violent and sadistic, as she goes into shock; does that not sound like Chara, who flipflops between holding you dear as their partner and wanting to move on to the next world together, to be together forever, and them being disgusted by your refusal to accept consequences and the perverse enjoyment you get in killing everyone again and again? Chara, who clings to their quirky narration for much of the Kill-All, but keeps slipping up, who becomes terrifyingly cold, aggressive, power-hungry, and even sadistic, yet still calls Undyne “the heroine”, still seems to still care about their locket, still has moments where they seem to falter?

Noelle does put up significantly more resistance to the voice’s commands than Chara does, and at least much more visibly shows distress and trauma. I don’t think this is a black mark on Chara’s chara-cter either, or an indication of them being more violent or cruel.

For one, while Noelle is still herself with her own soul, it is heavily implied by Chara, Flowey, and Undertale’s lore that Chara was reincarnated without their own soul, at best perhaps attached to Frisk’s (or yours): as I speculate in one of my currently unfinished theories, while monster souls are made up of love, compassion, and hope and thus Asriel was reincarnated without these qualities, it could well be that human souls are correspondingly made up of their own multiple traits, namely determination, patience, bravery, integrity, perseverance, kindness, and justice; if true, a soulless Chara would be lacking these qualities, which would make them less equipped to resist the player’s commands or to feel as torn up about it.

Also, the player has a hold on them both as “party members” to the player’s vessels, but it is also possible that the player naming Chara and having them directly attached to Frisk also gives them a stronger connection to Chara they can abuse, similar to how Kris and Frisk (as the player’s direct vessels) have much less autonomy than Kris’ party members.

(Fun observation: We know that when the thing controlling Kris forced Noelle into becoming a killer and using her to kill Berdly, Kris was horrified and shaken-up according to Susie and Ralsei. How do you think Frisk felt watching Chara be used to slaughter the Underground and then erasing the world when they’re totally corrupted?)

And lastly... look, Noelle and Chara are both minors, but Chara is significantly younger - a small child compared to Noelle’s teen. I know it’s fiction and strong wills and determination and anime is real and all, but a traumatized young child who died two violent and awful deaths back-to-back, may have literally experienced being a corpse in their own coffin/grave for who knows how long, and then came back ”confused” only to immediately start hearing a voice relentlessly commanding them to kill everyone?? I can absolutely see a traumatized kid shutting down and just going with it out of fear at first, before the LV sets in.

TLDR:

What you do to Noelle in the Weird Route is the same fucking thing you do to Chara in the Kill-All Route.

[husbandomail-archive]

okay alright I am attempting to like. meet myself where I’m at, instead of getting mad at myself for being unable to meet my own unreasonable standards, y’know?

I think it’s been this way for a little while now, but I am officially designating Tuesday/Wednesday as my writing days. ofc progress will depend on, y’know, my family leaving me alone, but like. I’m working very long shifts and most of the time I’m getting home late, so there simply isn’t enough time in each day for me to write as much as I want to. I have the same two days off every week, so it’s just more manageable to use those days instead of trying to cram it into my already-tiring schedule.

I’ve spent these past few months getting angry with myself over all sorts of things, but part of it has been like. not being able to post as consistently anymore fghjhgf. I already get very few notes despite having hundreds of followers, so I do kinda feel some pressure to always keep posting, and then when I don’t meet those goals despite knowing I’m busy elsewhere it really frustrates me. and that’s unreasonable, and I shouldn’t keep doing that to myself ghjhgfd

I’ll probably also continue personal writing as well; those dressup fics I’ve written for twst have been really fun and make me happy, and it seems like a lot of other people feel the same way, so I’m glad lmao.

in an attempt to keep my workload manageable, I think I’ll try drafting things during the week; I do have way too many notebooks, after all, so I might as well use them. but actual sit-down-and-post writing will only really happen on Tuesday or Wednesday or hopefully both.

that to say, requests always remain open! I’m probably going to clear out the oldest ones soon tbh, so feel free to send anything at any time lmao.

but anyways!! I know I’m kinda difficult to deal with lmaooo, so thank you for bearing with me every time I do something else ahaha

[draculaurafangz]

swim good / p. parker

a/n: honestly i did not plan on posting anything but i had to get this out of my drafts because, it’s been there for a while. anyways, this was based off of frank ocean’s song “swim good”. if you’ve ever listened to the song then you’d definitely know what i’m getting at with this. also, you guys can imagine the reader to look however you want, it’s not limited to like one specific image.

warnings: there’s like, a whole lotta angst, there’s curses here & there, and mentions of smut (not really but it’s kinda there, if you read you understand. lmao i don’t like writing smut at all.) also peter’s aged up 18 in this story & in college.

─ ─ ─

peter parker was very popular at your school. not only was it because of the fact that the whole entire school knew he was spiderman, but it was because he was known for sleeping around with girls on campus. thinking back on it, peter doesn’t even remember how it happened. one minute he was this nerdy, awkward teenager who always read his comic books and put together star wars lego sets, and here he is now messing around with girls and tugging at their heartstrings.

at first, he was obsessed with the idea of being this chick magnet. he lived with the pride, no matter how many girls he had lead on and given false hope to.

but now, he’s not so sure.

he’s realized he’s caused other girls around the school, and even in queens, a ton of pain. but most importantly, he had hurt you a great deal. to the point where you had left voicemails, telling him you wished you’d never see him again, and that you regret anything you ever did with him.

peter doesn’t regret it, he actually felt some sort of feeling towards you. out of all the other friday night hookups, you were different. your aura and your presence was just unmatched to those other girls. of course, you cursed yourself for ever sleeping with him because you knew about his reputation. but when you know you had the opportunity you had to take it. you thought you would be able to convince him and change his mind, but it was no use.

so here peter is on a friday night, sitting in his room all by himself, no hookup present. he missed you. god, he missed you so fucking much. he knew you wouldn’t talk to him if he just messaged you or even left a voicemail. he couldn’t bring himself to even think about the last conversation the two of you had because he hated seeing your face. you were broken and in pain. tears streaming down your face as your voice boomed within the room. saying that he was an asshole, and you thought you could actually change him but there was no point in changing him.

little did you know, you did change peter. you changed him a lot, to the point where you caused him to think about his past. there were some girls that honestly treated his hookups the way they were, and some actually cared but soon after got over it. then there were some like you who had been extremely heartbroken. peter never really paid attention to them though because they always made it their mission to ignore him.

it’s not that you didn’t ignore peter, because you did. you just didn’t talk to him at random anymore. he was in a couple of your classes, and would sometimes ask for notes. but other times, he’d just bump into you on campus. so yeah, you were ignoring him. with no intention of talking to him.

he felt so much pain over the past couple of days, thinking about he hurt other girls, thinking about how he hurt you. he cannot stop thinking about you, at this point he’s in love with you. he’s so guilt-ridden that even ned notices something is off with him.

“are you sure you’re okay? you just haven’t been yourself lately,” ned questioned just noticing that his friend seemed to always be disturbed.

“it’s nothing ned,” is what he’d usually respond with “i’m just stressed with my classes right now.”

ned shook his head understandingly. he knew that college for sure was hard on him and couldn’t even imagine how hard it was on peter. peter never told ned about everything, ned was three states away from peter. there was nothing ned could do to fix this, as peter realized he needed to fix everything himself.

his professors even noticed it. some of them even had to speak with him after class letting him know his grade was in great jeopardy. when they asked if everything okay, peter just explained that he had been off recently. he assured them that he’d be back on track soon, and get on top of his academics as well. after speaking with his physics professor he had headed towards your dorm. he never actually went to visit you at your dorm so he had no clue what room was yours. he’d remember swinging by your window, but never got an exact numbered door. when he walked into the main lobby, he asked some random girl if she knew who you were or where your dorm was. luckily for him, he actually bumped into your roomate, but your roomate refused to talk to him.

“i know who you are, and i think you should go,” she coldly spoke.

he pleaded with her and he promised he would make everything right with you if he could actually see you and get the chance to talk to you. after hearing his long ramble about his overdue apology, your roomate caved him and gave him your room number.

he felt anxiety rushing throughout his entire body as he looked through the hallways of numbered doors and finally spotted yours. he took a deep breath before knocking, reminding himself that he was going to be okay, this was going to be okay.

you opened the door and immediately slammed it in his face. behind the door, your eyes went wide and you bit your bottom lip as you thought about opening the door again. what could he have possibly wanted? what was he doing here? had he been stalking you? how the fuck did he find you room? your mind went back to the main question: what does he want and why is he here?

you turned around again facing your door and wiped your sweaty palms against your sweatpants. opening your door, you made a joke about how it was too early for a booty call. peter’s face remained straight seeming to just be unamused with the joke. you then asked what he had wanted. how this was all unlike him and how he truly he doesn’t chase but rather attract.

“y/n, just please hear me out. give me five minutes, two minutes even. i just need to talk to you,” he started.

you gulped, the big lump in your throat returning as you whispered a “come in” to him.

he sat on the edge of your bed as you stood in the middle of your room. your arms were crossed and you had a blank look on your face.

“i- i just wanted to say i’m sorry,” he stuttered, “i regret ever hurting you, y/n. i think back about how i ruined everything between us daily. usually i don’t let feelings get in the way of this but holy shit i cannot even deny them anymore. and that’s why i came here. i know i’ve given you so much stress lately and i truly apologize. i know i hurt you at night and i can’t even sleep sometimes knowing that i hurt you. i need to make things right. i’m not asking for anything major, i just want to be on good terms again with you,” he finished, averting his eyes away from yours.

you took his words in, thinking them over as you stared back at his features. you didn’t hate him, as a matter of fact you were head over heels in love with him. but you couldn’t do it. you could not be in a relationship right now, but you weren’t going to just dismiss the way he wanted to mend things between the two of you.

the two of you sat in silence for another minute as you collected your thoughts, him waiting patiently for you. you walked over to him and just hugged him. you already felt tears well up in your eyes but did not want them to spill. peter at this point was full on crying. this was the closure you both needed. you whispered in his ear how you don’t want a relationship right now, but he understood because he didn’t know if he was able to take on one by himself right now. as the two of you pulled apart, you wiped your eyes as you gave peter time to collect himself.

“i’m down to fix things. i love you a lot pete but we need to work on ourselves and our own dynamic before we even think about jumping into that whole relationship stage,” you said.

“and i’m totally okay with that. i can deal with that. i was just scared of losing you,” his eyes glossed over again as he said that. new tears were forming in his eyes.

you’d never thought you’d see the day where peter parker was actually showing some emotion. he seemed like the type to be emotionless after you had your experience with him.

it was going to take a while to heal, but you both had each other so there was no fear. peter was going to be more open and honest with his feelings. he was sorry, he was taking the accountability he should’ve taken a long time ago. he had you to thank for that.

i’m goin off (oh, my pretty love)

don’t try stopping me

i’m goin off (throw me in a line)

don’t try saving (you broke my heart)

no flares (you broke my heart)

no vest (you drove my love)

and no fear

waves are washin’ me out.

[hearttoshu]

check in tag ✅

tagged by @shuaway (thanks for the tag lee ! <3) and @hongminchy (ik you tagged me on my side bom :o but i did one over there so i thought i’d do it on this blog i hope you don’t mind ;-;/ <3 thenk you for the tag lovely ^~^) 

why did you choose your url?

“heart to you” but it’s a cheesy pun and it’s “heart to shu(a)” LOL 

do you have any sideblogs?

@haknew for the boyz ! i use it the most often so it’s kinda more like my main blog than here haha :p i make gifs and rb stuff ^^ 

@getawaymp3 for verivery / personal ! i make gifs and dump multi group rbs and personal posts there loool it’s super messy tho :’))) (i’m so sorry to anyone who follows me there hhh </3) 

@sunnhoon​ for enhypen ! more gifs and rbs :] 

how long have you been on Tumblr?

on the kp0p side ... about 4 ? or 5 years :o ! 

do you have a queue tag?

yep ! here’s it’s “i adore queue🌷” after adore u ! and on getawaymp3 it’s “invitation just for queue” after gyehyeon’s line in get away ^^ 

why did you start the blog in the first place?

i had no carat friends at the time so i really made it to get to know other carats ! and then later on i eventually learned how to make gifs and i turned this blog into only svt and made getawaymp3 for multi group stuff (that wasn’t the original url lol it’s gone through a few changes ^^)

why did you choose this pfp?

i think shua and dongheon are neat ... my 95z loves <3 so yea :o ! shua cute selca icon for here and heoni sprout icon for getawaymp3 

why did you choose your header?

i made this one a long time ago :o ! and i just really wanted a retro-y windows / vaporwave pastel pink header with shua ^^ for getawaymp3 it’s a group shot from the get away mv but with sparkles :’)) bc i have no personality outside of being a get away enthusiast  

what’s your post with most notes?

for this blog i have no idea it’s probably that random oty in la recoloring i did HAHA i think ?? it has 3k notes or smth for some reason and on getawaymp3 it’s this jaehyun poetic beauty set i posted randomly for fun and somehow got 1.6k notes bc ... jaehyun pretty 

how many mutuals do you have?

a lot on here but a good portion of them are probably inactive ..? and only a handful on getawaymp3 i have a lot of moots on haknew but i don’t really keep track :’)) if i rb from you regularly i consider us moots LMAO 

how many followers do you have ?

like two...

following?

285 ? yea ... 

do you make shit post?

if tag rants count then yes on all my blogs </3 i’m pretty annoying :D, but yea i will on getawaymp3 but only bc the least amount of people follow me there (excluding my enha blog bc it’s like a week old) and i brain dump my sadness there sometimes LOL 

how long do you use Tumblr each day?

an unheathy amount </3 

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

hmm i don’t really indulge in drama usually so no >.< there was that one time deobiblr boolied me into admitting i bias kevin moon if that counts u.u (and i lost obviously) 

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

they’re my blogs, my safe spaces ;;;; so i ask people understand i rb what i want to... (even tho i feel guilt every time i rb anything that’s not content content... lmaooooo) 

do you like tag games?

i do bc i really love hearing from moots / friends ! but i always feel bad about them bc a.) i get tagged in a lot and sometimes i just forget and leave them in my drafts, b.) don’t want to spam too many personal posts (bc people follow me for content ?? i think so spamming personal posts makes me feel bad T-T) and c.) idk which mutuals to tag bc i don’t want to be annoying (and i’m too scaredkjfgdkj) so i sometimes don’t do tags bc of that 

do you like ask games?

yes ! but same logic as above point b.) LOL tho i really like rambling / talking and interacting with people i think a good portion of my followers just don’t care for that so i keep it to a minimum where i can ;;;; s*dly 

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

a lot of them actually fdkjgkdfg i always consider myself a small blog or outsider in the communities i claim to be a part of ;;; but i get really lucky and people like my gifs ! like on my enha blog even tho it’s like 9 days old there are some what i would consider “big enha blogs” that follow me ^^ (and then of course tumblr users @ shuaway and hongminchy are so famous i’m honored to be moots with them :p) 

do you have a crush on a mutual?

did you mean all of them :p ? no but i do have ... like ;;;; cc or friend crushes ... people i really like content / tags from and want to be friends with but i’m just too s0cially anxi0us to initiate conversations so i end up just admiring from afar <3

tags?

i’ll tag @minatual @bloomblooms and @baejoonyoung ! (only if you want to do this tho no obligations feel free to ignore !) (OH ALSO pls no one feel obligated to follow any of my other side blogs ;-; i am not joking when i say i am a bit of a nuisance u.u HAHA) 

[snickiebear]

(no i haven't seen that post on my dash and patiently waited for u to rb it) anyway for the 35 questions thingy (i kinda want to ask u all the questions but i won't be that annoying lol) 4, 6, 9, 16, 22, 31, 32, 33, 34

OMG HI HI YOURE SO SWEET THANK YOU FOR ASKING and so sorry this is obnoxiously long and super rambly 

4) @mouseymightymarvellous (i could write analysis papers on her work, like every single one of them. dont tempt me, i will), @itsthechocopuff (if you haven’t read any of their fics YOU MUST), @capriciouswrites (IF YOU HAVENT READ THEM WHAT ARE YOU DOING I'm literally OBESSED) and IncompleteSentanc on Ao3 (their writing style and their characterizations are AMAZING I LOVEEE)

6)  tbh i find writing easy... until it isn’t LMAO. i try to write things i wanna read and like to write. the thing i find the hardest would be like the actual main idea/plot. for WT&R there wasn’t any real plot, it was literally just me writing what i wanted, same with Gym Rats. for my shikasaku one, its taking so much longer because of the plot and i was like “dude whats the POINT of this” you know? i just realized that this does NOT answer the question LMAO,,, point is: writing is kind of like a facet for me, you turn it on and it flows until it doesn’t.

9) Gai. like his pattern of speech fucks me UP. i’ve seen him written so many ways to where I’m just flailing LMAO. kakashi too cause the man is so complex that idk what side i wanna write from or how i should do his dialogue,,, i try my best and so far everyones been okay with it so we’ll see 

16) one bed troupe (a CLASSIC), god im a WHORE for ‘stupid man falls for woman who could kill him with her pinkie’, and a total slut for ‘badass man with a strength kink’ 

22) my favorite songs change so often that what i listen to changes too. sometimes, ill find a song that matches the vibe of a scene and listen to it on repeat other wise i either listen to Lofi Hip Hop, or my master playlist on spotify right now my favorites are “Butterfly Rain” by Tori Templet, “Yoko Ono” (stripped, but i love the og one too) by Mob Rich and Matt Maeson, “Speaking Off The Record” by Hotel Mira (and then literally any Judah and the Lion/AJR songs)

31) so i have two groups of Ocs: 

A: Characters from my book that i actually want to publish and have been slowly working on the first draft for the past year or so (two female main characters and a flying cat). 

B: Ocs that i rp with DONT LAUGH LISTEN HAHAHA: two of my friends and i have some really serious, planned out rps, that are basically us writing a book together (find them here I KNOW ITS ON QUOTEV please heckle me LMAOO,, feel free to ask me more questions on any of those!) i’ll definitely have to do another post on these cause theres honestly so much i could say 

32) sakura’s insane and eats a god, this is the after

33) alot of the one liners or some of my favorite scenes pop into my head when i’m half alseep or washing the dishes. its like a line of dialogue or a way or wording that i really love. so i have to wake myself up (and i have like some type of insomnia) to type this shit out in my notes or run to dry my hands while chanting the thing in my head before jotting it down. those lines are some of my favorite tbh

34) This isn’t an excerpt from a fic but from my notes when I was world building a mythology for ShikaSaku:

She is a thing of contradictions. The Goddess of Peace and War with the ability to bring forth war and yet tame violence. She is bloodied and dressed in white, a thing of opposites.