#i actually dont know if this is coherent at all
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obsessed with ancient/stone age human culture (would have gone on to study it if life hadnt gotten in the way) and so your ghosts au bdubs has me chomping at the bit. what a brilliant and wonderful choice. i dont have a lot of coherent thoughts rn but i love love love the tags in the og post of your recent fanart of him and i hope to see more of him and i love to turn him around in my brain. & wanted to tell you that.
i also think sometimes about how long he spent alone in death before any of the other ghosts joined him and oh, my goodness. how, uh,, how do you think he's doing?
Ghosts AU Bdubs is so interesting to me bc I came in at the beginning mostly just basing him on the portrayal of Robin from the show, which I knew wasn't entirely historically accurate in the first place so I would probably want to go more in depth with him at some point, but I just hadn't taken the time to do the research necessary to actually go through with that development, and then this semester half of my classes these last few weeks have been discussing Paleolithic and Neolithic people and art and something just snapped in my brain and I was like. Ah. Okay. The potential there is crazy actually. So there'll definitely be more of him!! I'm like half using him as an excuse to explore the stuff I learned in my classes more in depth and half using the fact that I learned about this stuff in my classes as an excuse to finally go through and develop him the way I wanted. Symbiotic relationship or whatever.
Also yeah, that long ass gap of time where he was the only ghost around certainly has been bouncing around in my head a bit. I don't have. completely coherent thoughts about it at the moment. I certainly think he might've coped in similar ways to the way Robin does in the show, getting attached to the people living on the property, spending a lot of his time learning from them and talking to them even if they don't realize he's there. I think he probably would've been a much more serious figure in life, and also in the early days of his afterlife (I mean not completely, it's still Bdubs we're talking about lol, but still), that spending all that time alone might've unraveled him a bit. I feel like it's hard to get a definitive grip on like. Who he is. Some days he's kind of obsessive and neurotic, in everyone's business, easily worked up, other days he seems perfectly content to ignore the happenings of the house, just do his own thing out on the property. I feel like most of the other ghosts wouldn't know much about his life, or even his early afterlife, he doesn't talk about it much and when he does it's always some crazy one-off anecdote that doesn't let you in on much of what was actually happening at the time. I think, like Robin in the show, he probably has his moments of like complex emotional or social intelligence that seem kind of out of nowhere from an outside perspective until you think about how long he's been around to have observed and learned about the world, about people.
#atlas speaks#hc ghosts au#I just. OUGH. spinning him around in my head atm#i also like. after getting more educated on the age robin came from have so many questions for the bbc ghosts writers#about why they made him the way they did#i'm not gonna get into all that in the tags but just.#why is robin a kind of generic neanderthal caveman despite being alive around 10000 BCE on the cusp of the paleolithic and neolithic period#they literally could've just slapped a different date on him closer to the lower or mid paleolithic and it would've been fine but like.#neanderthals were essentially extinct by then. there was art and jewelry and the beginnings of organized settlements#but the clothes they have him in /are/ historically accurate to the time period?? (mostly at least)#i just. it confuses me what they chose to make accurate and what they chose not to#so anyways I'm trying to have a bit more care with the way I settle Bdubs into that time period. even if I'm not like an expert or anything#i really said I'm not gonna get into all that and then did it anyways huh. whoops#i need to stop typing lol thanks for coming to my ted talk
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The Issue of Consent and Severance Discourse as a Whole
Spoilers for S2E4
So, I never post on Tumblr (and barely on other platforms for that matter). I am a lurker, and, as such, I see a variety of different takes about different things on a daily basis. I am prone to hyperfixations in media as a whole and, right now, I am obsessed with Severance.
So, I watched the new episode as soon as it was out and as soon as I watched the Mark/Helena sex scene and the reveal that it was in fact Helena all along, I knew it would create a discourse that would be unbearable, not because of the discussion itself but by the way people engage with this show (more on that later), and I feel the need to express my feelings and my view on the subject.
Was SA or Wasn’t?
It… I don’t know. No one does. That’s the point.
The show wants us to ponder about the autonomy of the innies and the outies, it raises this question not only in relation to the narrative of the show but in a sort of philosophical conundrum. And I think the way to discuss this has to be done with two things in mind: (a) with respect for other opinions and interpretations and (b) that we will never get a clearcut answer.
We can’t affirm Helena is a rapist, we can’t affirm she isn’t. What we can do is debate about it. Engaging with it with logic, as in, thinking that there is a logical explanation for something that is emotional in nature is counter productive. Let me demonstrate:
If Helena and Helly are different people then it’s SA. Then innie Mark didn’t cheat on Gemma and Irving saying that to him was wrong.
But, if Helena and Helly are the same person, it isn’t SA. So Mark cheated on Gemma and Irving was justified in what he said.
Do any of these sentences feel true to the show?
Frankly, I don’t think so, because it doesn’t feel true to the emotional truth of the show. Because it is weird that Mark slept with someone else, but it is because this version of him doesn’t really know Gemma. But he also has a connection with Ms. Casey, because of the outie life. He also has a connection with Helena, because he knows Helly, but it’s weird because Helena is different from Helly. It’s a bit hypocritical of Irving to imply that Mark and Helly’s relationship is wrong when he was ready to blow up Burt’s marriage in the season 1 finale, but he is also right to point out it’s off putting to see them flirting. It is all these things at the same time.
Because, from my point of view, they are different people and the same person at the same time. And I don’t think any of us can wrap our minds around this concept, it’s like Schrödinger’s Cat but about human nature instead of quantum physics. That’s what makes it fun, because not even the characters know what to make of it, so we see the emotional fallout of Severance rather than the ethical/moral one. And, to me, that is more interesting.
So we should discuss it, but also know that we’ll never reach a conclusion, because that would be oversimplifying the show and I think it just makes our conversation around Severance shallow. It’s a detriment to the show and to us.
Let’s hear each other out, give different opinions, have productive debates about the show and what is saying about identity and humanity, about how it reflects on us. Don’t say to someone that has a different opinion than you that they are “watching the show wrong”, that they are “media illiterate”, like your interpretation is the only right one. If you do that, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you are actually engaging with the text, I think you are using Severance as a way to feel smarter than other people.
Let’s not treat our fellow internet users as the outies treat the innies. It’s easy to dehumanize people that we only perceive by their words on a screen, but behind each MDR profile picture is a real person with their own perspective that may not always align with yours and that’s okay, they are worthy of the same amount of respect as everyone else.
So I’ll say, at last, you are free to disagree with me. You are free to say that there is a definitive answer, that it was SA or wasn’t SA, that the innies and outies are the same person or they aren’t. I actually want to hear your take, I just ask that, when you type it, be respectful and understand that I have the right to disagree with you just as you have the right to disagree with me.
#i actually dont know if this is coherent at all#i just needed to post my thoughts or i would implode#severance#severance spoilers#severance season 2#severance apple tv#severance season 2 spoilers#helena eagan#helly r#helly riggs#mark scout#mark s#severance s2 e4#tw: sa#tw: sa mention
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wrestling fic writers!!
i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months
if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found
and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom
and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways
a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜
nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you
and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)
as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!
101 comment starters
ao3 floating comment box
kudos html
dont know how to comment? easy solutions
a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)
an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers
and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place
i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together
happy sharing and commenting 💜💜
#wrestling fanfiction#wrestling fic#aew fanfic#aew fanfiction#wwe fanfiction#wwe fanfic#i hope this make some sort of coherent sense#despite being a writer im really bad at words lmao#i also dont know what to tag this with without clogging main tags so im going to trust moots to get this going first#just. this is a topic im passionate about. i love writing i love writers and having seen the wrestling fandom as of late really struggling#with this. we need to do something. even a little bit helps. actually get people leaving feedback and commenting again#supporting each other. we can do this together#dont let dreams be dreams lets fucking do this#just be nice and help each other out#im gonna stop now before i get overly emotional. if theres any questions let me know tho i think i got the main parts pretty clear here#again moots. im trusting you to get this started. im not gonna add my own shit here immediately this isnt about me#this is about the community as a whole#i also hope nobody is afraid of adding themselves here. you are all valid and worth the attention no matter what#just remember to also give if you leave something here. look at the previous links. look in the notes to find more people#okay thats it i need to make dinner now#lets just be kind and support one another. promise me that 💜#night is an absolute mess on main
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nobody fucking touch me rn i went to see tf one in the cinema and im shaking. they actually made a good transformers movie. what the fuck
#time to go home and read the entirety of jro's mtmte and lost light again ig#what the FUCK i was not expecting it to be actually fucking stunning. that's MY loser dumpster fire of a children's toy franchise how did t#ey actually make it . good#really good#five out of five stars. when elita said “you dont have the touch or the power” i fucking choked#obviously it is only going to mire the canon more because of the changes to megatron's backstory (no gladiators 😔) & lack of allspark plot#but i dont even fucking care. dont even touch me rn i cant ever get over this#broken friendships & corruption arcs are THE SHIT and they did this one better than i was expecting#when pax fell like a falling star... primus itself opened to him...#ratchet cameo! arcee cameo! jazz cameo! not to mention ALPHA TRION#i can see the war in this . i can see this . millions of years in the future they will still b fighting. orion mightve been a “pacifist” by#megatron's standards but he knows how to fight. he fights more than he should. and bee.... bee... THATS MY FUCKING NAMESAKE GUYS DONT EVEN#TOUCH ME RN. IM SHAKING. HOLY SHIT#bumblebee you are SUCH a dork. what the FUCK.#and the quintessons!!!!! i am LIVING for the art direction and the organic/inorganic imagery#those quintesson energon-hoover things reminded me of energon eaters too. & in that first shot of them entering the cave w the primes i#originally thought scraplets before i came back to myself. there's something to be said here tho.#they did a good job with the worldbuilding. suitably alien-like. exceeded expectations. that ginormous quintesson ship? i'm going insane#you can SEE the birth of the myth in this stupid fucking movie you can SEE how op becomes who he becomes. the way he grew. the way they bot#grew until they were the only person that could hold the other back . the way he is going to be irreversibly changed. d16's eyes...#that scene w starscream has a chokehold on me. i cant breathe. the way they all looked at megatron when his blaster emerged#the fight scenes#ELITA ONE !!!#AIRACHNID !!!!#honest to god though i must confess that the first coherent thought i had about this movie was “oh they made him so cunty” . abt pax. i#am so sorry#but okay okay okay i . they were amica endura at the beginning. at the least. i'm. AKHRERJGH#tf one#me when megatron ascended out of iacon & he was the only land vehicle amid a swarm of planes. me when the SYMBOLISM#🐝
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Emotions are high and the vibes could not be better today!
"Pretty awesome. Lot of emotions. Feels pretty hefty but like, fuck we're Stanley Cup Champions!"
When asked who the Cup is for? No hesitation, the fans.
"They sponsor us. It's for them. It's for them. Like they deserve it, they've been waiting for it, like it's for them."
how do you endear yourself to the fans? i think chugging a brewski while they chant your name will do it! and also complimenting them that too oh what a darling
CBS News Miami | 6.25.24 (x)
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#at this point im gonna need a seperate tag called “mikksys drunk adventures”#i dont think this man has been sober since the eve of yesterday#HIS VOICE IS SO HOARSE FROM ALL THE SCREAMING AND DRINKING#him saying fuck on cbs news miami is so iconic of him YES KING#also he mightve said “hefty” or “heavy” as in referring to the weight of the cup but both work so like pick your own answer#NIKO NIKO NIKO#have you heard anything more beautiful#“fuck we're stanley cup champions” THATS ACTUALLY MORE BEAUTIFUL#ALSO “its for them [the fans]” 😭😭😭#MIKKSY I JUST STOPPED CRYING DONT MAKE ME START UP AGAIN#first year here and he knows how to work some heartstrings WHILE DRUNK#is it funnier hes more coherent in english whilst drunk versus sober#aka his inhibitions are gone and hes not carefully measuring his words anymore and by god its beautiful#he has a tendency to trail off a lot in eng and end with yeah despite the fact he wants to say a lot more#YEAH MIKKSY YEAHHHH#hes such a hazard to himself hes WATERBOARDING HIMSELF COME ON MAN#tags running long i just love ma wifeeee
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pls may i have some saltburn takes. i saw u liked my post abt oliver never having read the reading list and it made me giggle.
OH YES DUDE oh i Loved that post because it brings up actually something that for some reason i haven't seen discussed much. oliver's unreliable narration.
i have a brilliant, i think, genius four-question plan for making people understand saltburn, and it has worked before and i will maybe elaborate on it, but not right now. right now i'll talk about one of the questions.
who is oliver telling this story to, and why?
we've established that he's an unreliable narrator at least because it's the logical conclusion for a movie shot in a way that opens and closes with his narrative. but what does oliver being untruthful actually mean for what we know about anything and everything that happened. have you ever obsessed over this particular question. well. i have.
my hot take, first of all, is that oliver is not that smart. he's clever, but the point of the movie is that he's caught up in and driven by desire; desire, pointedly, in the moment, merging desire, adapting to circumstance and leading him on. his want is not concrete from the beginning. his want is insatiable hunger that grows.
so, okay, from the top. the whole meet-cute with felix? because of a punctured tire? eh. idk if that's true. the money thing at the bar, pretending to not have any while he actually did? eh, perhaps. chronologically he then lies to felix about his dad, and this is big, this is deliberate, this is what ties felix to him for good.
what if the first two instances were coincidences? like, felix genuinely in trouble then, oliver genuinely out of cash. makes sense to become attached and actually do something, something impulsive, drastic, when felix seems to be drifting away, and lie about his dad.
interjection: you might be saying, nadia, he lied about his family from the get-go. well of course. i didn't say he's not smart enough to clock what image of a damsel in distress felix would gobble up. i'm saying he didn't do it for the long game, because there was no long game to speak of, as narrator-oliver would have you believe. i think he wanted felix so badly in that moment of several months in oxford, i think he was so blinded that he would've said anything. and he did.
now, i've briefly talked about oliver's feelings about the invitation to saltburn, and i think this is very important here. in the moment, he couldn't possibly know what exactly this invitation could mean, in the long run, only that it is definitely the next step in progression of desire for felix. present-day oliver interjection, and i believed him, after felix said he could leave anytime, i read as a slip up, an admission that oliver didn't plan shit, or at least from the beginning he didn't. it lured him in as soon as he got there, gothic house driving mad-style. he held on to a dream of something elusive (felix as a friend? lover? forever-partner in whatever capacity? i want him so bad i don't care what he is as long as he's there? please? please?).
the other obvious hole to poke at is in the end. venetia very conveniently takes the razors he places for her, and while sure, it could be read as him just hinting at how he conveniently read her fragile state and took advantage of it, i don't buy it. (i'm honestly even tempted to suggest he met elspeth on accident, to then spin a pretty story for his own sake, but him keeping tabs on the surviving cattons all those years tracks with what we know about obsessive oliver; he's definitely known about her flat for a while.)
but those are all minor stuff. i get completely if you think i'm reading too much into it and this is all just a headcanon after all, to be fair. BUT. but.
my second big take is that oliver was/is madly in love with felix. i know, shocking. but you have probably seen people say he wasn't. i will elaborate.
i wasn't in love with him. i loved him. i hated him. what does this sound like. have you ever had a friend come to you after a breakup fuming and telling you how they'll never end up with this asshole for sure and then get back together with him and then break up and say the same thing again.
i loved him, but i wasn't in love with him. i know everyone thought i was, but i wasn't. have you never told anyone something of the sort, specifically the last part, to emphasize just how it's everyone around you that's kinda hung up on whatever it is, and you've moved way past it, actually. have you never told yourself that.
i have. i know many other people who have, too. so, who is oliver telling this story to, and why? there's no one but dead elspeth in front of him. there's no one but himself. fun fact: each time you recall an event, it distorts under the influence of the mix of past and present emotions. each time you recall, you mold memory (source, e.g., x). the way i personally see it, oliver, for whatever reason, retells the story in order to solidify his own memory of it in the way that he wants to remember it. whatever he says, this is his final word, and this is his final truth.
this is also why details slip through, like my beloved i believed him, like the emotional i hated him growing into self-convincing, misleadingly dismissive, definitely unsure i hated him by the end. those are the true emotions that he recalls, those are the times that are hard to rewrite, for whatever reason.
of course, he hated them all. but before that, he loved felix to the point of blindly following where felix's desire led oliver, at least the way oliver perceived felix's desire. it failed, crucially, when felix's desire brought them to the center of the labyrinth, where oliver could not be the desired anymore.
my third hot take in connection to this is that oliver did not know he would kill felix until the very night he did it. he didn't know it, i think, until the last hour, until felix refused to reconcile completely, until he made his blood run cold. i also briefly mention it here, specifically how farleigh is tragically connected to felix's death, in my opinion. this tracks with, again, my strong belief that oliver lies, lies and lies throughout this whole story about wanting to take everything from felix from the beginning; no, he fucking didn't. he wanted felix. he wanted felix to be his. that was number one priority. he wanted felix and whatever else came with it, undoubtedly, but not the other way around.
paradoxically, he also wanted to be felix; he wanted to be him and be with him just as us tumblr people can often relate and the tragedy is that you always have to choose. felix pushed him away, so there was no other choice but to take what was left of felix that oliver could take. hence the clothes wearing, the table scene talk, the refusal to leave.
felix chose not to choose oliver, so oliver became felix. it's his fault. felix promised oliver could leave. felix left instead. what was oliver to do.
but to your point about the books, i think it could be either way, actually. i think he could have lied about it because technically that's also in character for him, he was performing for an audience of his tutor. but i also think that he was, genuinely, a nerd before he came to oxford, and he didn't, and still doesn't, have any friends, and he hates his sisters and his mother and is miserable. he's the perfect profile of someone who'd read king james' bible over the summer, and then some, imma be honest.
so, yes. i think oliver lies about most things in saltburn and i think he's pathetic, lost, confused, grieving, angry, horny, down bad and in denial. and i fucking love him. i so fuckin do.
#saltburn#oliver quick#saltburn meta#thank u so much for ur ask. this was my excuse to finally vomit this up.#honestly i think asks are the only format in which i will actually write out all of my thoughts coherently esp the longer stuff#bc i feel obligated to answer#and when i dont i just abandon stuff. i know all my saltburn meta. vika does. finn knows ALL of it and more. i dont feel like sharing much#when unprompted. but if you ask me?? i'll never shut up. literally never#anyway. this is it. thank u again. fun.#ask#horrorsequel#saltburn journaling
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Thinking about which Sonic characters struggle in social situations and coming to the realization that it's the majority (if not all) of the cast.
#id make a list but its just like. all the characters I can think of with some asterisks for 'they have enough charisma/charm to get thru it'#like. Knuckles and Shadow 100%#Tails too#Amy. Blaze. Silver. Espio.#like just look at TMOSTH#it might just be easier to make a list of characters who DONT struggle in social situations#text#rambles#i know that a lot of it is: a) miscommunication is an issue that is universal and b) used a LOT in sonic stories for moving plot#e.g. any knuckles vs sonic fight#i guess its the particular way a lot of characters in sonic struggle with communicating due to not fitting in with societal norms#or not being raised with the tools to do so#actually wait no a lot of it is due to isolation. ex: knuckles. tails. blaze. shadow. silver. surge & kit. whisper.#this all ties into sth's themes of needing community and support and reliance on others (your friends are here to help etc. etc.)#but its interesting to think about!#saying a lot of something in these tags. dont have the brainspace to make it into a fully sourced coherent discussion (yet)
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actually thinking very hard about gerome/yarne specifically virion!yarne because hes my favorite but also what if when we were kids i was your only friend and confidant in a country where everyone despised your family on account of your traitor father and you were looked down upon due to your taguel lineage and then your parents died and oh fuck so did mine and you were left with nothing but a dead culture and rule over people that hate you but i stayed by your side through it all not only as your knight and guardian but also as your friend and also we were both boys. what if we had to flee our home after it fell to risen and i watched as you succumbed to your anxiety over being the last taguel and sole heir to your house but i was powerless to comfort you in my own grief and then i lose sight of you for years as we travel back into the past and when we finally reunite things are can never be how they were before but i dont need them to be i just need you to be okay now. and we were both boys. my vision do you see it
#ann plays awakening#ann writing paragraphs#GEROYARNE NATION IF YOURE OUT THERE…#im calling for an army that never existed. alas#im thinking about them very hard now oh yes i am…#also. like. sorry. but gerome is 100% a monsterfucker like sorry but im right he’d be so into taguel yarne#sooooooo off point of the post but like i think im right.#i also dont think cherche would ever force gerome to work under house virion#i dont think she’d ever suggest it at all actually#but#i still think as one of the few people in rosanne that does not completely hate virion and understands WHY he did what he did#she’d be around to help out and thus gerome would get to know yarne during that time#obviously goes for any virion kid but i think yarnes anxiety with the taguel stuff adds to it too#plus also i think yarne and minerva could be best friends once yarne gets over the fact that minerva could eat him#these are all just very loosely connected thoughts i have about them please bear with me i need time to organize my thoughts#-> girl who has never had a single coherent post about any ship she likes ever#sorry i j needed to be cringe about them for a second im actually very normal and attractive
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Anh's design lineage is actually kind of fun bcus I had two incredibly solid inspirations floating around in my head at the time, that I knew had some Vibe between them but I couldn't put into words what. Literally these two images
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b7e9309407ab5b8f4069249575864602/937cde5247f7ba0b-e0/s540x810/9c6b2923f7ad37ae2b9dd569f99403014332675a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a9f10fb152667edf085edc8d2006e59c/937cde5247f7ba0b-b5/s540x810/d17f76b9ba1f51b5b8e2ad893d3b82c9b2885f8a.jpg)
The first Anh design based on these leaned a lot more toward my webtoon girl there visually than they ended up being. But I was like. Okay I guess I will make.... A disabled cowboy who smokes about it (who is a fish person for ttrpg reasons dont worry about it)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1573cac3df1061a019a0308be701b4d3/937cde5247f7ba0b-4f/s540x810/1516cbadc6a86f25db28073f410adf599ccb0f85.jpg)
As I developed their personality I decided I really wanted to play around with typical ideas of cowboy machismo and cultural gender expression ?? As well as that western trope of like.. religious cowboy, who knows they're going to hell but prays anyway. Our rural setting in our ttrpg is based on rural Vietnam specifically so I wanted to like. Make sure they were Vietnamese basically, if they're, as a cowboy, supposed to be from a rural area. They ended up becoming more masc, I suppose. More angular in the face for sure lol
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1ac6853be2dfa3d6012d091e0121db2e/937cde5247f7ba0b-e4/s540x810/7ce5c94470fd48c9d2d1f47908817f4ea16090f7.jpg)
So their main themes were just
-disability
-gender expression (based on ideas of the cowboy myth and traditional vietnamese family roles)
-religious trauma
And after that I just made up background stuff that made all of that connect with each other ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#yeah i guess maybe more than personality i develop Themes#so its like vibes > design > more specific themes as drawn from vibes > lore#blah blah bryn#i dont know if this is coherent at all sorry lmao#theyre also not actually a cowboy they are just a rancher#its just like. the exact same aesthetic but also no one will get it if i call them a rancher straight out#anh giang le#I FORGOT TO PUT THIS IN MY TAG FOR THEMM...#dnd ocs#sfts
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my workload this year is absolutely absurd (1.5x as much hw time as class time in maths, and since it’s double maths i have 8hrs of lessons weekly so that is A Lot, and probs as much hw time as class time in french and bio, but then i put extra time into bio myself). so i would expect to be deeply unhappy about this. but i’m not and i’m actually quite enjoying it. which is odd.
i guess it makes sense though. it has always been that in my spare time, i work on my hyperfixationy stuff, making notes on random crap or working on flute; i have never done nonworking free time stuff like watching tv (except going on tumblr ofc). and now a good half-odd of my school work is hyperfixation stuff. so i am, strangely enough, thriving under these conditions
#im like a specialised deep sea creature that thrives in hostile environments#and just kind of goes bleh and dies in non hostile environmemts#like im not complaining but you would think i would be miserable in these conditions#hmm#im not lying to myself or anything i am just genuinely extremely happy living like this#workaholic ig#almost all of bio puts me in Hyperfixate mode and a good third / half of maths does and a little of french does#french is simultaneously the easiest and hardest of my three subjects 🤔#it has come to my attention that the speaking exam will pose issues not because i dont speak french#bc my spoken french is actually extremely good if i may say so myself#but because i am autistic and a very poor and rambly conversationalist who tends to get Stuck on one topic#and in this exam they actually want me to be succinct and coherent. meanwhile ive gone off on a tangent and suddenly fallen silent#because i dont know the french word for marital rape (the question had nothing to do with marital rape)#so im gonna have to do some self training for that i fear 😂#siph speaks#im doing it now tbh. i went on a tangent about french speaking#because i have been stuck in the topic of french speaking since yesterday#and have talked about nothing else#snd these tags are way too long but knowing that doesn’t stop me#i get STUCK like a RECORD going over the same bit of music#schoolposting
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sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
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I want to thank Misha Collins for inspiring me to do things that, for legal reasons, I cannot disclose online
and no, this is not a joke. Misha, through GISH especially, showed me not just the power of art-as-activism, but what creative modes function best in that setting, and how to organize and lead such efforts.
what I've done with that knowledge, again, would be legally dangerous to admit online
but I'm so happy I know how to do it. I've become a leader in my community, and a supporter of large and powerful movements.
specifically, those spaces know me as an artist. an artist with endless and diverse creative ideas, who knows no fear, takes no shit and is especially good at resistance and point-making via "funny" and lighthearted art.
would Misha approve of what I'm doing?
most likely, FUCK no he wouldn't
he's made himself damn clear where he stands on this stuff, even via silence alone
but I have him to thank anyway.
#misha collins#misha fucking collins#supernatural#love the character hate(?) the actor#Dont Meet Your Heroes.jpg#no ethical celebrities under capitalism#listen I'll meme on and cheer on Misha forEVER but know I have zero respect for him as a person at this point#“Misha Collins” the celebrity/public figure? hilarious. memeworthy. what the fuck is wrong with this man#actual human person Misha Collins? yikes. ik exactly what the fuck is wrong with this man and its Rich White Dude Syndrome#i feel like its a good day to mention that celebrities are putting on an act even when they act as themselves#fuck! im getting to know that firsthand rn!#for a far less controversial example see Jensen Ackles being a Total Deangirl Freak(i love him) and only wearing green at photoshoots#vs Jensen Ackles flying to hawaii to do a golf tournament while wearing khaki kneeshorts#btw I dont think this makes all actors bad or is a bad thing. its just part of the nature of celebrity.#the spn characters > the actors “in character” as spn actors > the blandest rich white texan men you'll ever see (they are v pretty though)#long ass tags#headcoldposting sry coherence is gone#I personally try to “play myself” on camera as principled organized and well-spoken. creative but clear on the movement's goals#in actuality I'm panicking almost 24/7. I drown myself in destiel angst nonstop and 50% of my internal monologue is in Old English.
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may i have some peterachilles thoughts/headcanons/anything 🥺
The fact that I havent read all the books that have them as central characters makes. this a bit hard, like I have thoughts but its hard to speak on a lot of it.
So im going togive you my thoughts on both of them just in stream of consciousness cause that will probably work better.
Ok so Achilles is so fucking facinating to me, cause he is absolutely masterminding things and plotting but I get the distinct feeling that he actually does overestimate people
there is hubris there but he truly thinks people are also plotting against him and thinking the same way he is, while also understanding that he is better at it than them.
I find this fucking hillariouse to put againct Peter who first off knows that Achilles could fucking destroy him and probably is trying to and is smarter than him. But Peter also has this odd confidence in himself and what he is doing that I find so utterly fascinating. I actually know someone a lot like peter and just that deep knowledge that you are missing something pared with hubris is facinating.
Thats the main place (from what ive read) that I get the ship from. It makes the trust Peter has make more sense. He wants to give Achilles freedom, and shiney things, because he enjoys him. He trusts him, but at the same time he cant.
I always imagine both of them just so paranoid about the other, Achilles more than Peter, cause peter has confidence in a way Achilles doesn't. Achilles does not understand kindness, not really.
Its part of what makes there dinamic to intesting,
Achilles wouldnt understand the kindness a first, wouldn't understand that this is admeration not pitty or groveling
cause Peter does not view Achilles as greater than him, but his equal his match, they challenge each other.
I picture them in a spiral, thinking their thoughts, pulling and pushing but perpetually funneled together and into the same place around and around.
They are infatuated with each other, and it tastes like medium rare steak, their relationship, sweat, and full, but you can still just almost taste the blood.
They are vile and put each other through the ringer but at the end of the day they love the others mind, the others drive, and they end up needing each other.
because to loose your match is to loose yourself.
#i dont know if this is what you wanted#or if its coherent at all#but this is how i feel about them they just dbcbfw#sorry if i said anything jsut incorect i really need to read more of the books#i actually have read a lot of them but so out of order everything is very jumbled in my brain#enders game#perterachilles#peter wiggin#achilles de flandres#them.#sorry for it taking a while to respond#gail hail speaks
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Me, reading before bed: I don't think I know how to recognize what it feels like "put my heart into" things because I struggle to recognize most positive emotions since I dissociate so much by default and kind of just passively exist in life. Passivity is my default state and it blocks me from experiencing and feeling things.
Loki, fully aware of the dissociative disorder and trauma this all stems from because we've had this conversation before: Yup. Let's maybe hold onto the realization this time, shall we?
#screaming into the void#he really is so patient with me but also definitely isnt going take any of my 'i dont like being present its new and scary' and#'i dont know if i actually would even be anle to recognize what it feels like to not live passively and actually be present#so is it even worth it to try?'#reasonings behind why i struggle with with this concept#and truly i dont fully understand what people mean when they talk about being present i am just along for the ride my man#it is hard to want to love actively in my own life i dont like it its not comfy it fills me with anxiety and i have that with being passive#so why bother you know?#but apparently living activily does have its benefits and perks#so we work on that#even if it scares me so much i kinda wanna hurl my guts up#i do suspect this is part of why loki is pushing me toward witchy things#because it both piques my curiosity and interest and also kind of forces me to be present#so like kudos to him for weaponizing my autism against me#i feel like this isnt very coherent but all that to say im being gently bullied over here
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Gotchard Spoilers and Theories in a stream of consciousness under the cut
Getting feral over reading the rising fighter English lyrics and connecting potential dots in my head.
The uses of both fire, tomorrow and future, in the lyrics makes me very 👀 since daybreak gotchard is now in the show and looks to be a prominent part of this arc.
Some snippets that have really got my attention:
I was born into this world for a reason When you’re alive you can get the good and the bad Go beyond yesterday Go change the world Ready, go push your heart forward Stand up and take action Move on and look forward Going on until it burns out, let's go Don't stop, it's not over yet No one is truly alone Now is the time to fight
I think the entire opening chorus is worth mentioning, since I feel it describes Hotaro's overall attitude pretty well.
How he's willing to keep on going for his dreams, what he would call his "gotcha!", and pushing through and never giving up along the way. As well as fighting alongside those beside him.
Get it on Gotchard Gotchard Gotchard Burning Fire Gotchard Gotchard Gotchard Shining Future
This part of the chorus really is interesting to look at now given the existence of Gotchard Daybreak looking at this has me thinking as I've been listening to this on repeat since the full version dropped:
Gotchard Daybreak might be Hotaro from the future?
Either that, or some other alchemist from the future. (And there's a lot of possibilities there if it's not a future!Hotaro.)
But even if he is or not, given his one quote about Hotaro grasping the future into his own hands, my guess I he might have come from a future and is trying to make Hotaro change something that must have happened from his time period.
Whoever this is, he has come to steer Hotaro to the right course and help him overcome whatever weaknesses he is still currently dealing with, and finding himself more in general.
He's stronger than he was at the start of the show, but Hotaro definitely still has much more growing he needs to do. Which was also shown in this episode.
Something I've been taking note of is a general theme in Gotchard that looks to be shaping up thus far is: Taking charge of your own future, with your own hands.
Which we can also see parts of this theme present in how Rinne's arc looks to be shaping up. I think even Spanner might potentially get a taste of this theme too...
(Though it's still a bit too soon for me to say with any confidence. We're only now beginning to get more looks into him since his mentor is now part of the picture.)
And I think the lyrics in this song really reflect that theme of grasping the future too.
#Hello dash would you like some gotchard meta and theories#this show just has something in the sauce im telling you. it just activates my autism. its like a sort of catnip for me.#there could have been more that I could add to this post but I want to keep it coherent (and i hope it is!)#also its hard without having actually seen the film because there could even be more stuff in there that i just dont know right now#ive read some spoilers for the film but i certainly dont know them all#and the film is plot relevant (which makes it sad that we have to wait 6-7 months BUT ANYWAYS)#kamen rider gotchard#gotchard spoilers#linky watches gotchard#linky posts#gotchard meta#gotchard theories#<- adding those last two tags for myself and the sake of self organization on my blog
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