#i absolutely crushed my talk
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just so you guys know, i am killing it at this conference
#i absolutely crushed my talk#like multiple people caught me after the session ended and said it was great#and in the coffee break two seperate grad students came over and asked me questions about my work#and i knew how to answer the questions!!!!#AND a collaborator asst prof offered me a postdoc position i. her group next year which is in a red state and she’s a new prof#but interesting work and i would have a huge amount of freedom so im definitely thinking about it#and the program manager of my section said i should resubmit my proposal and essentially told me that it would get funded next time#so niiiiiice i’m crushing it
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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MARK HOFFMAN character analysis — (in the eyes of someone who’s rewatching the entire franchise).
— [no timestamps] • SPOILERS !
— (i have a ‘PETER STRAHM character analysis’ posted for those that keep asking!!!)
Mark Hoffman's character is one that is arguably rather divisive and hard to pin down, and I wanted to provide my thoughts on it as I think it may expose some ideas that haven't been discussed before. My thoughts are also from the perspective of looking back, so this is perhaps wrong and not how the directors or writers intended it, but, just the way I interpret the films.
I think the best way to describe Hoffman is as a murky/dirty body of water. This is because he is putting on an exterior face the majority of the time we see him, so we have to be careful how we read him. I think in the timeline, when we first see him around the timeframe John kidnaps him, he is a moral, decent man then. Clearly heavily effected by the death of his sister, and his killing of Seth Baxter, but still noticably removed from the Hoffminator we see in Saw VII.
But at this point lore wise, the first major character defining trait we observe from him is he believes in dispensing justice - just not the same as John, or the law. Seth Baxter for example, or in Saw IV when Hoffman covers for Rigg when Rigg punched Rex, even though Rigg was in the wrong. Hoffman saw Rex as deserving, and viewed what Rigg did as justice served, so he stepped outside the conventional methods of law and took his own actions for what he felt was right.
I don't think Hoffman ever completely bought into John's framework and moral philosophy when it came to rehabilitating suspects. In the flashbacks of John and Hoffman working together in Saw V, Hoffman seems uneasy about all of it, and reluctant. By the time of Saw III lorewise, and based off the body language and the way Costas plays him, (Saw V flashback of III) I feel it is very safe to say Hoffman was always planning to have an exit out of working with John. If Saw V established anything about his character, it's that he is a cold, quiet, calculating man who is also thinking one step ahead.
He is also seen to be critical of others, when he views them as not appreciating life. Such as the "all he had to do" line in Saw III, and him criticizing Rigg in the beginning of Saw IV for questioning his choice of being a cop. This may be an aspect picked up from John, it may be Hoffman's own judgmental side coming out. However, I think there is another very important aspect of Hoffman's character that is pivotal to understanding him, and why he acts the way he does: the sociopathy.
I don't believe this to be a natural part of his character, I think the more brutal elements were simply added as an attempt to add depth to him because his character was arguably all over the place with no real clear motivation. Which, personally I really like. It makes reading into him much more interesting. But, lorewise, I think it is safe to say the killing of Seth Baxter induced this sociopathy like a seed into Hoffman, and taking part in Jigsaw's schemes allowed the seed to grow.
Hoffman is a hard to read character, but the way I see it, he has a clear moral descent, because lorewise, the first time we see him and the last are two opposite moral extremes. Logically speaking, there has to be a descent. This descent, because of the writing, and Costas' acting, is complex to read. But 100% there. I believe it happens in the early days of working with John, but you could make an effective arguement for another specific time.
Regardless, in Saw VI, we observe elements of sociopathy and clear sadism influence his actions.
At this point, the morals and justification attempts Hoffman may have had when working with John earlier are quickly evaporating - Hoffman is clearly primarily acting out of self interest. This is that seed of sociopathy growing, and manifesting in cruel ways, such as listening to the audio of The Pound of Flesh Trap or grinning while pouring extra gasoline onto Erickson. Hoffman has always been more concerned with punishing wrong-doers than rehabilitating them as also seen when he carelessly dumps Timothy Young on the ground. It seems in Saw VI they really wanted to highlight this sadism of Hoffman's, which likely took time to manifest in his character.
As for Saw VII, I'd say it's clear Hoffman clearly has lost any trace of morals he once had. Saw VII was full of great ideas with mixed exectution, and one aspect that really suffered was the strategical intelligence that Hoffman previously displayed - being one step ahead. It was inconsistent in VII, from outsmarting Gibson with the machine gun but sending in dvds??? It could be understood as Hoffman's cockyness, and narcissism. But, Saw VII is a bizzare case to put it lightly, so I won't go too harsh on it. We just have to enjoy it for what it is.
I don't know if I'd describe him as a vigilante the same way as John. I think some may struggle with understanding his motivations because of how murky/neutral Costas plays him. (Which I personally enjoy). While I think there's a effective discussion to be had about how the shift towards vigilante killers in Saw as well as misunderstanding John Kramer's character hurts the later films, I do genuinely enjoy Hoffman's character and the depth it has.
Here’s basically a summary of why I fell in love with Hoffman’s character:
1.) There’s this hard to pinpoint, unclear-descent in morality through his behavior as the movies go on, making him so much more mysterious than Kramer- he doesn’t have nearly as much a reason as John to continue with the role of ‘Jigsaw’.
2.) He’s just a man seeking to dispense justice the way he sees fit— the definition of a ‘vigilante’.
3.) There’s a budding sadism/sociopathy that continues to grow the more he kills- making him less like John and more like Amanda (with the sole purpose of revenge instead of giving someone a second chance; opposite Kramer’s motive).
4.) There’s also an underlying narcissism in him that I think not only I, but a lot of the fandom seems to relate to (whether willingly or not).
#i know this is stupid and has probably been talked about before but it’s 3am and my notes app was calling to me#might just use this as my college thesis who knows#i love Costas though real talk#he’s my absolute most favorite actor#i’ve seen his entire filmography multiple times#i actually have the fattest crush on costas mandylor#costas mandylor mark hoffman#costas mandylor#saw mark hoffman#mark hoffman character analysis#character analysis#essay writing#saw vi#amanda young saw#saw wallpaper#saw 2010#saw fanart#saw 2004#saw franchise#saw movies#saw#sawtism#sawposting#jigsaw#jigsaw killer#2000s horror#body horro tw#body horrow cw#mark hoffman#actor
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shoutout to lan wangji and luo binghe for being endlessly tormented by their love interests' mixed signals, reaching their breaking point, and then proceeding to never be normal about their (always reciprocated) crushes (turned husbands) ever again.
#like obviously binghe and wangji are not on the same level. but they're certainly not opposites!#just got to wangxian's first kiss and like.#if my silly gay crush showered me in flowers and pointed out how pretty i was and always hung around me.#but then was like ''wow i love talking to boys don't you love talking to boys S?"#i would also be driven so insane as to just start punching trees#lan wangji epitome of control being pushed past his breaking point and hating himself for it . . . you are so dear to me#luo binghe driven absolutely batshit bonkers by his shizun who cares deeply for him and fears (or used to fear) the idea of him . . .#mm yes i'm connecting the dots. mxtx has a flavour she likes. i see i see#TBD on whether hualian fits into this nonsense at all but from what i've heard: not really#mdzs#rzfzx#svsss#scum villian self saving system#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#wangxian#bingqiu
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also like speaking of college joe'marr....one of my favorite headcanons is like, yeah, ja'marr probably hero worshiped/had a big crush on the new hot older super talented QB....but i also think joe had a very inconvenient little crush on ja'marr
like joe said himself that thought of his time at LSU as a master's/internship type program but for football instead of any real school curriculum (lol). he had just spent 3 years at OSU /not/ playing football and it was all he wanted to do. now that he had this chance at LSU he was going to buckle up and take it as seriously as possible (he took all online classes and spent as much time as he could at the facility, living and breathing football as much as possible).
so like, he did NOT plan on getting distracted by the cute freshman with the million watt smile and easy warm nature. this kid who would try to joke with him but never try to talk with him without justin or terrace around. this kid with all this god-given talent but no clue how to actually watch film and improve from it. but hey! nothing always goes 100% to plan!
#but i mean look up college freshman baby ja'marr how could joe resist tbh??#and you know the chemistry didn't quite get there until the end of ja'marr's freshman year#the very important for the Lore fiesta bowl#(where ja'marr himself said it finally clicked for him and joe)#and then came the summer of 10000 catches!! where joe and the receivers spent all summer throwing together and going to the gym#and like they're finally getting to know each other. get slightly more comfortable with each other off the field as they thrive on the fiel#and maybe the crush isn't so inconvenient anymore because it actually comes very in handy that joe is always Aware of ja'marr#and where he is and what he's doing#is ja'marr aware that joe is always Staring at him??#well i have a HC for that as well actually lol#a very clear scene in my head of justin trying to talk to joe about something during practice#and then he realizes that joe is absolutely paying no attention to him#and instead is just watching a shirtless sweating in the louisiana heat ja'marr who's laughing with terrace across the field#and justin is like 'well. that's interesting' and messes with joe about it#and DEFINITELY brings it up to ja'marr later like 'yo i think joe wants in your pants bro'#and ja'marr thinks he's just fucking around#but DOES start to notice that yeah. joe's always staring#and he just has to add that in his 'stuff to figure out about joe's expressions' folder he has stored in his brain#ANYWAY this got long but i love thinking about college joe'marr#joe'marr#nfl rpf
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ART TRADE TIME!!!! (w @dontlookforme00 and @piereoglyphics :])
from the top, in order of who did sketch - lineart - color&shading:
donnie - piere - star
star - donnie - piere
piere - star - donnie
THIS WAS FUN!!! (we should totally do it again some time :])
u guys r so cool and i love ur arts btw im so glad i got to do this w u!!! :D
(my own sketch and lineart under the cut!!)
#ngl the struggle of coloring donnies sketch was so real#BUT doing the lineart for pieres sketch was lovely.. u know me guys.. im a freak i love doing lineart lmao#100% would do this again#you guys absolutely crushed this#also i feel legally obliged to mention YES. GINGER SOUL. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cccc#cccc heart#cj heart#cccc mind#cj mind#cccc soul#cj soul
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You mean to tell me that KISS has gone on this long and not once have they made a single KISS-themed sex toy?!
Not even one based on Gene's tongue?! Not even one based on Paul's Love Gun?!
#they dont even have kiss themed pads or tampons#kiss#kiss band#gene simmons#kissblr#pookie bear#kiss army#celebrity crush#rock and roll#rock n roll#merch#music#merchandise#i guess i can use the kiss kondoms for when im pegging gene#and then once ive absolutely murdered that delectable ass of his ill lay him to rest in a kiss kasket#and put my strap on away in my kiss lunchbox#idk#genes number one nastiest fangirl#interesting#interview#who is their creative merchandising manager i wanna talk
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i still can’t believe paramount plus literally said “HEY. LESBIAN. LOOK.” and showed me my favorite character of all time and just i was jumping and spinning with glee they grabbed me the shoulders slapped me across the face and spit on me and said “you fool. you absolutely useless dyke. it was all a ruse. get fucked” and then deleted the whole damn thing
#tldr i miss cynthia zdunowski#me personally i deserved to get more screentime if her#grease rise of the pink ladies#rotpl#save rotpl#cynthia zdunowski#since the show i’ve had to now explain my deep deep crush on ari#i wish i could show y’all the picture my friend took of me at work#we were talking ab celeb crush and i was like well. this is niche. and pulled up their instagram#and there was a photo dump including THEM IN A SUIT AND ITS NOT THERE ANYMORE#but basically the picture shows me blushing so absolutely hard at that picture#that’s so completely besides the point actually
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oohohohoohoh me goodness they are sooo silly I love them soy much I was falling out of interest hit this piqued it back up it’s that easy just look at them having fun girl dinner is so real the doodles are so silly they are the teenagers ever guys

Like don’t you ever just love a character or group or ship so much it makes you want to die 😹😹🥹🥹
#Also what’s with the weird comments ??#Guys don’t be weird smh they are minors .#THEY ARE SONSILYL !!!!!!#EUGH I love Aiden#And Taylor#they are so cutie patooties they would be such besties prove me WRONF !!!!#I just had s pack of hhhhh donuts like the little round ones theh ae so yummy but kinda rough now eufh#My lizard keeps crawling on the floor help#Guys wouldn’t Aiden have a massive crush on that one dude who played scream in the first movie#Like the first guy his name was Billy#Please it makes sense pslspslslls#Would absolutely NYOT talk about it out of sheer embarrassment and avoids the topic completely#Sometimes . Depends on his silliness in the moment#I’m so real#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#aiden clark#taylor hernandez
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She’s married she’s married she’s married she’s married (to a man to a man to a man to a man)
#I need to stop imprinting on women with PhDs#I need to just be regular friends and colleagues with them#the first one is straight#this one is maybe bi but more importantly married#but god why does every conversation feel so flirty#the women I go on actual dates with are not as affectionate in casual conversation as she is#I really wish I could date normally and I really wish I could make friends/do networking normally#but dating doesn’t really work for me because I really need to get to know someone before I can determine if I have feelings#but clearly I only develop crushes and feelings on women that are completely uninterested in me romantically#my therapist calls that self sabotage but I don’t think she can fully understand how confusing demisexuality is#like I feel a connection with the people I feel a connection with and that has never once happened for me going on dates#it only happens with people I get to know really well platonically first with absolutely no thought or pressure of theoretical romance#I would fucking love it if I could go on three dates with a girl and feel anything other than ‘we get along well and I had a nice time’#I would fucking love if I could just make out with someone casually and it not be incredibly uncomfortable for me#but no instead I just develop really intense friendships with women that see me like a little sister and I don’t a#and I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make things weird#my hormones are all over the place#we haven’t talked in awhile but we’re chatting about what crafting projects we’re each working on#so I’m feeling vulnerable and emotional
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cute guy winked at me while he was wearing a milan tracksuit........ i might self combust
#there's a 99.9% chance it means nothing#maybe even more#do cishet guys wink at...other men? tbh i don't even know if he thinks i'm a woman or a man or. confused about my gender#there's like equal chances for all three#and also honestly i'm even uglier as a “woman” than i am if you look at me as a man#i'm slightly better if you see me as nonbinary bc i mean that's who i am. like i'm still ugly but. slightly better#he might actually even know i'm trans lol#bc (wait for this) he's the son of one of my landlords (still not entirely sure which one. that family has 600 people and half of them are#legally my landlords/ladies)#(i'm exaggerating of course)#but like at least some people in that family know i'm trans bc my legal name is still my deadname but i try as much as possible to live as#nico so i had to be like hey that's my legal name but call me nico.. and he....#so who knows maybe they spread the word lol i would hope not but do i trust cis people? absolutely not. never#anyway all this to say... what was i saying. he probably just acts like that with everyone who's around his age or worse just the women 🥲#he's so cute tho.. and i've met him a few times lately bc he's been helping out at the family shop i guess and he's always so nice to me#i mean i'm a customer so he probably has to lol he's good at it tho. better than the guy who works there all the time (his dad ?)#and the first time i met him recently i was going to pick up a package and he remembered my name?!? we never rly talked#he was like “nico right?” with the most beautiful smile.......... that's the moment i was like oh no. i never have to see this guy again#unfortunately i have 3 more times and. oh no. i can't be getting a crush that's horrible i don't want it#nico rambles#<- never has this tag been truer to the nature of a post (lie)
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There is actually nothing more insane than being a criminal justice student again after what the fuck i just went through dealing with the legal system first hand. How am I supposed to take any of this bullshit seriously when I have seen with my own eyes that our entire criminal justice and prison system is a sham that can be manipulated at will by those who have connections within law enforcement lmfao
#000#every time i’m forced to talk to someone and interact with their cold ass takes i have to hold back from admitting what happened to me lmao#like how am i supposed to sit here and KNOW that everything I’m learning and everything my classmates are saying is bullshit#without admitting something about what happened to me that would absolutely crush them#because they’re probably paying as much as i am in tuition and are likely joining law enforcement because it’s either in the family#or they THINK they’ll be the good cop only to turn into a monster later on from the stresses of the job man
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I would never wish growing up in a hyper religious African house on my worst enemy. The cognitive dissonance is insane especially if you grow up in the West yet your family (and other African families around you) insist on clinging on to asinine “traditions” that are really just covers for abuse.
#uchiha-gaeshi overshares#like I want us to fight as equals not with you and your damaged self esteem#why is my mum calling me ‘rebellious’ for having a vibraotr when I’m fully 23???#my mum once went on a rant about me and my sister not upholding ‘traditions’#my naive ass thought she was talking about idk a secret family recipe or dance or whatever#she was talking about us doing everything she says without question#I recall VIVIDLY an almost argument I had with her when I was 14-15#asking her to lay off on pressuring me academically#because I was getting stressed and it started negatively affecting my mental health#and then she just went apeshit on me#‘ungrateful’ is their go to jerk reaction to their children acting like people#oh and my parents are one of the ‘nice’obes btw#I’ve heard wayyyy to many stories of people’s parents just beating the absolute living crap about them#for the most benign shit like having crushes or something#off topic but is it normal for parents to tell kids to be careful what they say to teachers#so that the teachers don’t call cps on the family#I remember my mum telling me a story of a dad giving his kid a black eye#then when the kid’s teacher asked him where tf he got a black eye from of course the kid told the truth#and the dad had to be tried in court or something#and this whole time my mum is telling me this story it’s like I’m supposed to feel bad for this guy#who cares for his family oh so much but whose life is ruined because of the legal protections we have in place to protect kids 😔#so much discourse abt ‘purity culture’on here but I guess many people forget that in a lot of places in the world especially outside of#the west people are NOT open about sexuality at all#when you add Christianity to the mix real weird shit happens#like why is my mum crying about the fact that I masturbate#at least in her eyes I’m not a virgin….#she literally would rather have me shotgun married to a cis man I could fuck than for me to use a vibrator….#txt#African parents
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and today we observe a phenomenon scientists have dubbed the flan boy effect
#ladies…… best friend number one clowned herself#she spent two months shipping me with him and then all of a sudden 🕳️🚶🏻♀️ she fell headlong for him#which is by the way!!! not the first time this has happened#the last boy she liked she also spent several weeks shipping with bestie number two before falling for him herself#anyway! here we are and the flan boy effect is described as follows:#sudden uncontrollable giddiness and lightness. insomnia and uncontrollable flutterings of the chest#she’s going through it#and part of me wants to be like oh honey I KNOW what it’s like to like that boy#but of course that’s still a secret (and one I’ll take to my grave if possible) so it was more a case of I FREAKING KNEW IT#I just KNEW from the first time she talked to me about him last summer that she was going to walk herself right into another thing#it just took longer to cook this time#and also! an important emotion I’m experiencing is relief because whatever happened I was absolutely NOT#going to be in a love triangle with my best friend#so thank god — THANK GOD — I no longer like him#however because of her crush on him I’ll have an irl space to yap about him which I do enjoy. it must be said.#but yeah. what a way to start the year 🤠#elly's posts#🍮
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its so embarrassing to be an adult w a schoolgirl crush on a friend and just when you're like "nothing will come of this so im just going to put these feelings into just caring a lot about my friend as a friend" they do something like make u breakfast in their handmade regency-era quilted banyan, and ur like. fuck. yeah no i stand no chance.
#messages from the ouija board#i can talk about this on here bc only a small handful of u will know who i mean and like maybe 3 people run the risk of ever meeting them#and then i think rebellionbae is the only person actively following me who knows them so#and ive had crushes on friends before but this is the first time ive done it this backwards where#i met them 4 years ago and was like 'oh this person is an absolute heartthrob' and then somehow they became one of my closest friends#at least as i approach 30 theyve stopped mentioning how young i am in comparison to them#that was real demoralizing back when i was smitten but not yet good friends when i was like 23.
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