#i NEED to see bôa

[lazyspeedy]

i was very social this past weekend 🧍

[emilbh]

NEW BÔA MUSIC AND THEY’RE COMING TO MY CITY

[urgonnaneedabiggership]

And All The Fears You Hold So Dear

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language. Angst. Unplanned Pregnancy. Mild violence. Also there's like a smidge of nsfw talk there but thought I'd let you know beforehand just in case.

Word count: 4.3K

A/N: Part Three and Final Installment of something that started as a one-shot and somehow escalated into this¿¿

I just want to thank you for all your very kind comments and let you know that I got a couple requests that I'll be working on, so this might not be the last you see of me. Ily <3

also i cried so much writing this now you have to suffer like i did. xo

Right after the tears finally stopped coming, the emotional exhaustion translated into an intense weariness that made you collapse on the sofa. That hour spent out of consciousness was a blissful interlude in the pain that had your chest hurting and leaving you unable to breathe.  You’d once read somewhere that there was something called “phantom limb syndrome” in which people could feel pain in an amputated hand, arm, or leg. When you woke up, you looked out at the now dark sky and thought of giving Miguel a call to tell him about what an awful day you were having until the memories came back like a harrowing tsunami that had you tearing up when you wondered for how long you’d have to keep reminding yourself that he wasn’t there anymore. This time, however, you became angry. And oddly self-assured.

You didn’t need him. You’d given him a choice, and if a sad, pitiful, lonely life was what he wanted, then good riddance. His loss.

You could do this. Jessica’s pregnancy hadn’t stopped her after all. Sure, it would be challenging but there were mothers out there who took care of one or more children and balanced several jobs didn’t they? So what if you moonlighted as a vigilante whose life was on the line every day? What if you’d have to spend the rest of your life protecting him or her from the bunch of fairly dangerous enemies you’d made in the past months?

Or maybe you didn’t have to.

Your eyes wandered off to your suit which you’d mindlessly thrown on the floor the second you’d arrived home, scrutinizing the details and the care that you’d put into creating it. You wondered what it would look like inside a box, hidden in the back of the closet for years, or until your kid stumbled upon it and asked about mommy’s dutifully hidden past.

An obnoxious beeping sound coming from between the cushions snapped you out of your fantasy as you fished your watch. You hadn’t even realized you’d taken it with you and now it was issuing a warning concerning an anomaly with an amazing timing that had decided to pop into your dimension.

Placing a hand on your stomach, you looked out of the window and doubtfully pressed your lips together.

“Shit. Please, let it be a Vulture that’s literally a vulture, please,” you pleaded with whatever deity chose to listen to you as you picked up your suit and rushed to the bathroom, mindlessly throwing the test into the trash can before pulling the mask over your head.

Unfortunately, you didn’t arrive at the location to find a confused scavenging bird flapping around. You weren’t even sure of what you’d been sent to capture. At the scene, several police cars had formed a barricade outside of an empty warehouse and seemed to be lying in wait, aiming at the door with their guns. Good. That meant you could get in there and set things straight with the unwanted visitor before anybody got hurt.

You stealthily made your way from a nearby ledge to the roof, finding your way in through a broken skylight and landing on top of a pile of metallic crates solid enough to hold your weight but making your entrance noisier than you would’ve liked.

Whatever you were looking for, it was nowhere to be seen. The warehouse was in such darkness that, if it wasn’t for the night-vision lenses Miguel had fitted into your mask, you wouldn’t be able to see further than your own nose. They had come in pretty handy, and you couldn’t believe you’d been so opposed to getting them.

“(Y/N) it’s just one small modification, give me one reason not to.”

“Because you’ve already done too much!”

“Oh come on, it will take me what? Twenty minutes?”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I mean you’ve done too much to my suit, Miguel. First, the emergency parachute, next the spine and nape reinforcements, then you literally said ‘You know what? How about we just redo the whole thing with fireproof fabric?’ and now another modification?”

“He added memory foam insoles too, said you wouldn’t notice, I’m with you on this one” Lyla chimed in.

You pressed your lips together to fight back a satisfied smile while Miguel glared daggers at the AI assistant, who refused to back down.

“She still remembers please and thank you, alright?”

“Lyla, will you please go check if there’s a faulty connection or a leaky pipe somewhere? Thank you.”

After throwing a sickly sweet smile his way, she vanished.

“Alright then,” Miguel continued arguing, “I’m sorry for offering to install state-of-the-art, potentially lifesaving enhancements to your suit. What was I thinking, not wanting my girlfriend to die?”

He lifted his hands in defeat and retreated to the other side of the room, minimizing the digital blueprints of the new glasses.

“And for the record,” He continued, “I didn’t do all the work for your new suit, you designed it, remember? I had no idea of what a ‘basque waistline’ was,”

When he finished talking, he was surprised to hear absolutely nothing coming from your side. Furrowing his eyebrows, he turned to see you still leaning against the metallic table on top of which your suit rested. You were staring at him with a surprised expression that only baffled him further when he noticed the bright blush spreading around your cheeks and down to your neck. Then it dawned on him.

“Oh shit, I’ve never called you that before, have I?”

“No, you haven’t,”

Of course, that small window of vulnerability was all he needed.

“Please let me put the lenses on your suit?”

What he didn’t know was that you can see both ways through a window. When he earnestly pleaded with you to let him install the stupid attachment, his true motives were as clear as if you’d heard them straight from his mouth.

Last time I wasn’t careful enough. I didn’t plan ahead. If something happens to you and I have the slightest notion that I didn’t do absolutely everything in my power to keep you safe…please. Do this for me, would you? For my own, selfish peace of mind?

And he’d been right. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something dart from behind one container to the next one.

“I see you,” You announced, rolling your shoulders as your Spider-Sense began acting up, “Listen, you’re probably feeling confused right now and if you come out we could…”

You couldn’t even finish the sentence as something heavy and cold tackled you onto the ground. Instinctively, you rolled over just in time for something sharp the size of a harpoon to stab the ground next to your head strong enough to pierce the concrete. Without wasting one more second, you jumped on top of a container to take a better look at whatever the hell that was just to find that same spot completely empty. Whatever it was, it was fast. Wincing at the sharp pain in your shoulder, you reminded yourself you had to be more careful and avoid taking strong hits like that.

However, you couldn’t afford to be distracted right now. And, as if to affirm that thought as quickly as it came, your sense warned you of something coming at you from behind. Before it could take you by surprise again, you swiftly moved out of the way and shot webs twice to try and pin it down so you could at least take a good look at what you were up against.

“What in the…?” You gasped as you stared at what you’d captured. Before you, a 20-foot-long pale yellow scorpion furiously trashed about as it tried to free itself from your webs. Not even five seconds after you spotted it, the critter broke free of its restraints and disappeared behind another container. Well, reasoning and trying to bring him in peacefully wasn’t going to work with this one. For now, you knew that it was going to try and keep attacking you, so the best you could do for now was to keep an eye on him before he could plunge that hideous stinger through your forehead. Especially since the little shit was remarkably fast. What was that thing Miguel always told you to do?

“No, remember. You’ve got to think further, think two steps ahead,”

“You know, Miguel, repeating that a million times isn’t going to suddenly give me the ability to see ten seconds into the future,” you muttered, taking the hand he reached out to help you get up. With a wince, you placed a hand on your shoulder and rolled it until it popped.

“It’s not about seeing into the future, (Y/N), it’s about finding unprotected spots and patterns,”

“How come outside I’m love, gorgeous or mi chiquita preciosa de ojitos bonitos, but the minute we’re in here I’m back to being (Y/N),”

“First of all, that last one never happened, we agreed on it, I was in…a vulnerable…”

“You were drunk, you can say it, I won’t tell,”

He glared at you in a way you knew meant ‘won’t you?’. Hopefully, he’d never find out you’d told Peter every last detail of his drunken silliness as soon as you had the chance.

“Second of all, here you’re just like anybody else. You mean nothing to me and I mean nothing to you because that’s how the attackers are going to see you, as an obstacle to get out of the way. Now focus. I’m going to attack you again,”

While knowing beforehand he was going to come at you gave you some advantage, you managed to block the blow he launched at your head. Before he could try again, you noticed his next attempt at an attack was leaving his legs completely exposed. Then, you did what Jess had taught you to do whenever you faced somebody taller than you: go for the knees. You crouched and, with a classic foot sweep, managed to make him lose his balance just enough for you to hook your legs on either side of his and take him down.

You were so tired you couldn’t even gloat properly, instead settling for smiling to yourself and releasing a short, triumphant, ‘ha!’ with your last breath before crawling over to him and sitting next to his lying body.

“You know, if I’m supposed to think two movements ahead,” You say, a beckoning look in your eyes, “I think it’s safe to predict you’re going tell me that there’s nothing more you can teach me, and then carry me to your quarters to do absolutely unspeakable things to me,”

Honestly, it had been stupid of you to think he would give up that easily. Not even two seconds later, it was your back that was pressed against the floor as his large frame covered you, and his hand held your wrists on top of your head. Then he leaned in, painfully slowly, until he was close enough for you to feel the heat that radiated from his skin, a low chuckle left his throat.

“Chula, you don’t know half of all the things I can teach you. But this isn’t the place for most of them. Let’s get moving.”

Thankfully, you forced your brain to focus on the matter at hand before it could replay the entire memory.

Two steps ahead (Y/N), come on.

That thing always attacked with the stinger first. Then it would probably try to immobilize you with its pincers. Quickly tracing a plan inside your head, you started to roam the dark warehouse looking for the missing critter, your spider-sense as sharp as ever as you looked behind every crate and container only to find nothing. Maybe it had left the building without you noticing? Outside, the police still remained alert and in wait. There was no way it could have left without being seen.

Fine. If you couldn’t find him, then he could come and find you. Making your way to the center of the empty space, you remained perfectly still and waited for your sense to tell you where the beast was coming from. The wait was short-lived as you felt a sharp wave of shivers running down your right arm, your entire body shifting to face that side just in time to shoot enough web to completely wrap the entire stinger and leave enough web for you to jump and throw over a beam, leaving the scorpion hanging upside down while aggressively pinching the air around him with its pincers. Unwilling to take any risks, you covered them as well. You had to stand there and catch your breath for a few seconds before looking over to your watch to report you’d successfully captured the anomaly. Only then you had the chance to see that you had several missing calls from Peter.

“(Y/N)?” Peter asked when the call went in almost immediately, “Where have you been? I tried calling but you didn’t answer,”

“Yeah, sorry for going AWOL. I’ve been…busy. I caught something back here. I just reported it,” Behind you, you could hear the scorpion still struggling to free itself, “It’s an ugly one, Mayday’s going to love it.”

“(Y/N), listen, I think you should come back here. You and Miguel should try to talk…”

“P.B., I love you but I really don’t want to talk about that right now. Okay? How about you come over here and help me drag this feisty little shit back to the HQ so we can send it home? You won’t believe it; it has to weigh at least…”

When you turned around to proudly stare at your prisoner, you were met with nothing but a lone stinger, eerily dangling from the ceiling. Your proud smile faded as quickly as it had arrived. Before you could open your eyes to say anything else, you found yourself trapped between two cold surfaces that painfully squeezed all the air out of your lungs as you let out a painful yell. You desperately grabbed each side of the pincer, trying to pry them open to release yourself to no avail. With your brain already starting to run low on oxygen, your strength began to fade. You heard Peter questioningly say your name from the device still attached to your wrist, but he sounded as if you’d been submerged underwater. And his voice sounded as if it was further, and further away. You were falling into a deep and dark lake, air deprived and without enough strength to swim to the surface. So you let yourself sink further, close your eyes and let darkness engulf you as you keep going down.

You’d wondered once or twice what would come after life. Since there was no way for you to be certain about anything, you decided to believe what sounded the most comforting. You would wake up in a beautiful place, full of light, that smelled like freshly baked cookies all the time because you would be sitting at a kitchen table with all the people that you lost along the way, and it was time for all of you to have cookies with whatever you wanted to drink, maybe you just hung out in silence, or you would discuss all the wisdom that the act of passing away seemed to come with…the point was that in no scenario did heaven smell like antiseptic.

This discrepancy was what made you start slowly blinking as you furrowed your eyebrows, the intense white light surrounding you making your head spin. Eventually, you were able to discern some shadows that slowly morphed into a familiar face.

“Hey, welcome back,” Jessica gently greeted you from a chair in the corner of the room. The hospital room. Like they’d done hours before when you woke up from your nap, a new wave of unpleasant memories came crashing down once more as you tried to sit up with a worried expression.

“Is…are we both okay?” It wasn’t until you tried to ask that you noticed a certain reluctance at saying the word.

“Yes, don’t worry,” Jess immediately assured you. Then why did she look so troubled?

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked, rolling her chair closer and grabbing your hand gently, “Honey, of all people you know I would’ve understood,”

“Jess, I’m so scared,” Was all you came up with before shutting your eyes and clamping your lips together to keep the sobs inside, tears already beginning to fall from your cheeks, “This wasn’t supposed to happen, I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, how am I supposed to do this if I can’t even take down a lousy scorpion without getting myself killed?”

With a reassuring smile, the woman tried to hug you as much as her pregnancy allowed her, comfortingly running one hand down your hair and rubbing your back with the other.

“See? You’re great at this already and your kid isn’t even here,” You sobbed against her shoulder, too exhausted to return the embrace.

“What makes you think you won’t be?” She asked, pulling away to give you some space and much-needed room to breathe.

And you knew the exact reason. It came to you so fast and with such clarity that it scared you. But maybe she would understand that too. However, right as you opened your mouth to speak, a soft click coming from the door interrupted you right before it opened, leaving you completely exposed to the thorough, scrutinizing look of the man that hours ago you thought you’d never lay eyes on again.

You turned at Jess, hoping she’d create an excuse for him to leave you alone. You weren’t done talking to her. You desperately wanted her to stay. However, she’d already turned to look at him and left her chair.

“I’ll give you a moment,” She said and, after gently caressing your shoulder one last time, left the room.

And then there were two.

For the life of you, you couldn’t think of one single thing to say, much less anticipate what his next move would be. Yet, your eyes never left his. Your jaw hurt from how hard you had to clench it to keep yourself from bursting into tears again. Fuck, could the hormones be acting up already? Right when you were starting to wonder if, should neither of you say something, you would just stay there in this staring contest until the end of time, Miguel spoke.

“How long have you known?”

“A day. Or so.” You blurted out so quickly that he wasn’t done speaking when you replied. It wasn’t until his eyes left yours and wandered down that you realized you’d been clutching your pale blue gown the entire time. As you slowly let go of it, you realized your hands were shaking.

“And you didn’t say anything?” He asked again, his voice turning one octave higher right in the middle of the question.

“Well, I found out not so long ago, and immediately after I was called here to help so I thought we had bigger problems and this could wait. But then you said we had been a mistake all along so I imagined I was on my own for this one. And I think that pretty much covers it.”

Silently, he took a seat on the chair next to the hospital bed.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” He replied, not looking at you but at an empty spot on the wall, “Back there, when I realized you were gone something didn’t make sense. You’ve pushed back much harder for less important things and now you just turned around and left? And with this, it makes even less sense. Even out of spite, you would’ve told me before leaving.”

You hated how well he knew you, and how right he was. And how what he said didn’t make you angry, but instead make you confront the harrowing confession you’d left unfinished before he walked in.

“What if you were right?” You asked taking a deep, shaky breath, “I didn’t intend for this to happen, you know? It just did. What we had was manageable because at least it was just between us, no third parties affected, if anything went wrong with the timeline and such we could call it off and that was that. But now there was something tangible real coming out of this and I panicked because what if it messed everything up? What if we’d made a mistake? But I just didn’t want to think about it until you sort of confirmed it,”

You weren’t going to cry. You refused to cry in front of him while having this conversation. You tried to focus on anything else to cope with his seemingly endless silence, anything but his slouching shape next to you. The soft fabric of your sheets, or the faint whirring of the monitor next to you displaying your vitals. Now you focused on your breaths. Long, deep breaths.

“So,” He finally spoke in a hoarse voice you were sure you’d never heard before, and you were so taken aback by it that you turned to look at him before you could stop yourself to find a strange, oddly endearing sight. He was crying. Well, maybe that was a bit of a stretch but there were definitely tears in his eyes and even if he was better at hiding it, you were sure he was struggling to keep them confined there as much as you were. Suddenly self-aware of the change in his voice, he cleared his throat before continuing.

“So, we’re having a baby?”

He sounded so expectant, and yet so afraid of the answer. He was absolutely terrified. You could see it in his eyes. This man, who faced life-risking challenges every day and had seen enough for several lifetimes, had never seemed so frightened. The thought, for some reason, made you laugh as you shuddered when you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Seems like it,” came the reply in such a croaky voice that it left you no choice but to laugh a little bit more.

This time he laughed too, although you could barely catch a glimpse of his smile before being engulfed in a hug that made you wish you weren’t in such a state so you could pull him as close to you as you really wanted. Instead, you settled for resting your forehead against his shoulder as he pulled away enough to plant several small and warm kisses on your temple.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, “God, I swear I didn’t mean one single word. Whatever happens next, we’ll deal with it as it comes, I don’t care, right now all I know is none of this would’ve been worth it if it hadn’t brought me here to you,”  

“Hey, don’t get sentimental on me, O’Hara,” you jokingly said, pulling away to be able to look into his eyes, “We’re going to be just fine,”

“I won’t if you keep doing stupid shit like this, (Y/N), ¿qué carajos te pasa? ‘we’re going to be just fine’ Claro, si por tu culpa no me da un infarto primero,“ He scolded you, leaving his seat, “You know you’re benched, right? You’re staying right here, where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you stay out of trouble,”

“What about my dimension? There are plenty of non-interdimensional criminals there desperate to be caught,” You complained.

“Well, I’m afraid the NYPD’s going to have to figure it out for themselves for the next few months. Might even teach them to appreciate you a little more.”

“And if there’s another anomaly?”

“Dios mío, mujer,” He impatiently argued back, “I’ll go then. Or we’ll send somebody else. You’re staying here. Period.”

“Fine,” You huffed, not pleased at all with the order despite knowing you’d been very lucky this time, “But just for three months,”

“Six,” He stubbornly insisted.

“Five, but Peter’s going to be the godfather and you have to tell him.”

A disgruntled sigh echoes throughout the room.

“Fine,”

Taglist: @anywherebuthere @khaleesihavilliard @spookyboogyuniverse @sunshiines-stuff @letharue @withbeautyandrage

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 6

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Don’t forget to like and rb if you’re liking the series so far! ♡

Remy’s POV

I poured some homemade almond milk over the cereal in my favorite ceramic bowl. “Bills, do you want any cereal?” That’s when the intercom rang.

“Who’s that?” Billie asked, all the way from my room.

I press the button, “Can I help you?”

“Remy! This is Rachel! Hii!”

Unbelievable. How the fuck does she know where I live?

“Uhh hi? What are you doing here?”

“I need your help with something I’m working on, is it okay if I come up? Joseph told me your address, I hope that’s okay.”

I roll my eyes and buzz her in. It’s literally 6 o’clock on a Wednesday. What is this.

I let her in when she knocked. Her stupid, pretty face annoyed me. “Rachel, it’s getting late. Why didn’t you talk to me earlier at the office?”

“Listen.” She clapped her hands together. “I want you to help me write this column. You’re friends with THE Billie Eilish, right?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to write next week’s column about her new album.” She smiled, really, really big. It was kinda creepy how perfect and white her teeth were.

“You want to use me to be able to talk to a celebrity for an exclusive interview?” I blinked.

“Who’s this?” Billie walked out, furrowing her brows.

“Oh my god! Hi! I’m Rachel, SO nice to meet you!” She walked past me to give Billie a hug.

Billie looked at me over her shoulder and laughed, probably knowing I was hating every minute. “Nice to meet you too, Rachel. I’ve heard so much about you!” She mouthed at me, What the hell?

I rolled my eyes and walked back to my cereal. I sat on a bar stool, watching them. She would not shut the fuck up. She’s insufferable. And Billie just ate it the fuck up. When I finished my bowl, I placed it in the sink, eying the way Rachel constantly felt the need to touch her when she spoke.

“You’re much more beautiful in person. I’m like, mesmerized!” She giggled

“Girl! Thank you, you’re so sweet. You’re gorgeous, are you kidding?” Billie blushed.

“Rachel, can’t we do this at the office?” I cut them off, leaning over the counter.

Billie looked at me, scratching her eyebrow.

“I just thought we’d get to know each other… Before starting on the column we’re gonna write together.” She smiled at Billie.

“You’re writing the column with her, Rem? That’s great!” Billie cheered.

I crossed my arms, “Ask her what it’s about-“

“It’s about successful artists that blew up overnight, and their advice for any up and coming artists.” Rachel said, proudly.

“Which artist.” I raised my brow, looking at Billie.

Billie looked at Rachel, waiting for her to answer.

“Only the coolest, most badass, talented-“

“It’s you.” I interrupted.

Billie looked at me, tilting her head. “Oh?” She let out a small laugh. “Well… then you guys better get to work!”

⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

Throughout the next few days, Rachel spent most of her time in my apartment. It was my very own personal hell.

Of course, Billie joined us each time, wanting to be in on everything we did. Rachel was loving every bit of it, I could tell.

“Remy, is your section ready?” Rachel interrupted my train of thought. She laid on her stomach on the floor, kicking her feet in the air. Billie sat up next to her, probably feeding her ego.

“Yeah, I just have to edit a few things.” I typed away on my laptop from the couch.

Occasionally, I’d look up from my screen, only to see Billie’s gaze stuck directly on Rachel’s body. Her icy eyes stared into her soul while she talked, pissing me off to the max. Who would’ve known she’d steal my job, and my best friend.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s great.” Rachel’s smiled at me, shutting her computer down.

“You wanna join us for dinner tonight, Rach?” Billie asked.

Rach? Really? She had a nickname now?

I looked over at Billie, not at all happy with her proposal. The look of disdain on my face had to be evident enough for her to notice.

“Oh, no, I’d hate to intrude on y’all’s plans.” Rachel looked at me. “I gotta head out anyway-“ Getting up from the floor, she picked up her belongings.

“No really, I insist.” Billie got up, grabbing her arm. She gave me a disapproving look, which I didn’t appreciate. There’s no way she’s eating with us. I frantically shook my head no at Billie when Rachel looked away.

“You sure?” She asked

I held up a giant X in the air with my arms.

“Yeah! My treat.” Billie ignored me.

Fuck.

⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

At dinner, Billie sat between Rachel and I, in a round booth. They did most of the talking while I stuffed my face with pesto pasta.

“No, for real, I’ve met some rude ass famous people.” Billie lowered her voice, not wanting others at the restaurant to hear. She adjusted her sun glasses and held onto her hoodie.

“Me too! It’s sad but so many of them are too far gone.” Rachel shook her head, looking over her shoulder.

It felt like over the past few days, they shared their own little secrets. Their own little gossip session I wasn’t allowed in. Of course, I was sitting right there, but I didn’t want to be.

“Like for example…” Billie got closer to her, leaving some space between us.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was third wheeling. The way they looked at each other. The way Billie’s eyes wandered to Rachel’s lips when she talked. The way she accepted every compliment from her, even though she barely ever believes any of mine.

Out of nowhere, an obnoxious laugh startled me. Billie laughed too, but Rachel’s laugh was exceptionally loud. Billie was trying to finish her story, which wasn’t even that funny to begin with.

“She thought I was just a fan, it was super awkward!” Billie laughed. “So I just vibed with it and asked for her autograph. She was a bitch though.”

“You’re hilarious! I cannot!” Rachel’s laugh continued. It wasn’t even that funny! I sat there, straight faced, trying to get the waiter’s attention.

“The bill, please.��� I quietly asked the waiter.

Billie noticed, putting a hand on my lap and mouthing

I got it.

“It’s fine, I’ll get my plate and be on my way.”

“Rem, I’m your ride home.” Billie scooted towards me.

Rachel broke out in laughter again, acting like that was even remotely funny.

“What’s funny, I’m confused.” I furrowed my brows slightly, squinting a bit.

She cleared her throat and took a sip of water, shaking her head, looking a bit embarrassed.

Billie looked at me as the waiter brought the bill. She handed him her card.

“Thank you, really, I so appreciate your invite, guys. Rem, to our column!” She held her drink up, waiting for me to clink her glass with mine.

I returned the favor, shooting down the last bit of my watered down gin and grapefruit soda. I could feel Billie watching me down my drink, leaving a hole on the side of my face.

“Ready guys?” Billie finished signing the receipt.

“Yup.” I scooted out of the booth, walking towards the exit.

Billie stayed with Rachel, allowing her to walk ahead of her. She followed behind her, through the restaurant, and opened the car door for her as the valet attendant pulled up.

The car ride was loud, and annoying. Rachel still would not shut up, and Billie was now starting to laugh at her dumb jokes.

All night, my mind overwhelmed me with hate. Whether it’s directed toward the wrong person or not, I’m still completely over it. Maybe it’s the fact that this girl has my dream job, waltzed into my home, and made herself comfortable because she thinks she can. Maybe it’s the fact she instantly got along so well with Billie, even though they’re not at all alike. Even though, Billie knows I don’t like her. After all the arguing and convincing me to quit, she invites the reason why to dinner?

“I have to admit, I hate that the column is almost finished. I loved hanging out with you.” Rachel reapplied lipstick from the front seat. “Both of you.” She looked at me through the little mirror.

Maybe I hate the way this girl throws herself at Billie. Usually, this bothered Billie. It didn’t seem to bother her as much as it did me. I mean, I could be exaggerating, I could be so heated that everything tastes sour. Logically, Rachel wasn’t at fault for getting the position. She showed up for the interview and got the job. But I wanted to hate her so much, it made me question if my heart was in the right place. Her attempts to include me and be kind made me want to pull back even more for some reason.

“You too. You’re cool, Rach. You know where to find me.” Billie smiled.

I just don’t get why Billie was being so damn friendly with her. I felt betrayed. Jealous, even. Only because of how unfair it all was. It made my stomach turn. I’d never do that to her. The slight touches, the forced laughter, the looks they shared. I swear to God if they don’t stop… If they start dating I’m going to throw up. I could imagine them kissing, ignoring me completely. There it was again. My mind going to a place it didn’t need to. I hate it, I don’t know why.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rem.” Rachel smiled, getting out of the car after giving Billie a hug. Only Billie called me that, I thought. She waved at me as she walked around, toward her building. I looked out the window, seeing the stunning sky-rise covered in glass windows next to us. I waved back.

“Oh, you’re not gonna go with her?” I said, sarcastically.

“Shut up. You gonna come up to the front?” Billie pats the seat next to her. “Ooh it’s warm.” She scrunched her nose.

“I’m good here.” I brought my knee up and hugged it.

“Dude. Get up here before I drag you out.” She lowers the music.

I rolled my eyes.

“Do I have to beg you?”

“Can you just take me home, I’m not in the mood.” I scrolled through my phone, knowing there wasn’t a damn notification to check.

“What’s up your ass, Rem.” She pulled out of the lot, driving toward my place, which apparently wasn’t too far from Rachel’s.

“Oh, you mean besides the fact that all night the two of you bonded over the dumbest shit, and she basically sat in your lap the whole time?”

“Huhhh?” She squinted. “What are you talking about? I was just being nice to your new boss?”

“My what, bro?”

“You know what I mean, I’m trying to help you! She gets to write her column about me, you get to impress her with your insane writing, and maybe your hard work isn’t all for nothing.” Billie looked at me through the rearview mirror every once in a while.

“Oh, is that what this is?” I laughed.

“Yeah, me helping you, is what this is.”

“You looking at her with fuck me eyes is supposed to help me? Thank you!”

“Rem, you’re actually implying I’d fuck your coworker?” She raised her brows, in disbelief.

“I don’t know, you keep looking at her like you’re going to kiss her or something. Like she’s not literally using me to get an interview out of you!”

“Okay, what if I was? What’s the fucking problem, then?” She turned into my building’s parking garage.

I laughed, getting defensive now. “Nothing, go right ahead, absolutely no one is stopping you.”

I could tell she stopped herself from saying something more petty. “Rem, I think she’s just trying to be nice by including you, and that’s better than coming in and making you her bitch, is it not?”

I didn’t answer. I knew she was right because I had similar thoughts, but I still wanted to hate her so badly. It was either her, or myself, I guess, instead of quitting and proving everyone right.

“Rem?” She looked at me again, through the mirror.

I stayed quiet.

“What if I was trying to fuck her?” She quietly asked, shrugging a little. “Why would you care?”

I struggled to get the right answer out. “Because!” I stuttered, “She’s my boss- no- my coworker. It’s weird.”

Billie stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride. I felt embarrassed, like I overreacted, which I knew I did. It made sense. She was trying to play nice, get me ahead, or something.

I unbuckled my seat belt, as did she. She got out of the car and climbed in the backseat with me and closed the door. She looked straight at me, not saying a word. She leaned back, resting her head on the window.

“So, you gonna apologize?” She crossed her arms. “Because you’re being mean.”

“I swear to you, I hate her with every fiber of my being. And I know I shouldn’t, but she pisses me off. This isn’t fair, Billie.”

“Was I supposed to be rude to her? And mess up your chance at being published on the column?”

I barely shook my head.

“I haven’t heard you once talk about how awesome it is that you’re co-writing a column. Who cares who it’s with. Your name is gonna be on that magazine!”

She’s right. This is what I wanted.

“You’re not happy, see?”

I looked in her eyes, trying to find out what she’s getting at.

“You’re not going to be content there. Because you want more.” She read me like a book. A book with really sticky pages that are hard to turn without skipping a few.

I shook my head, not wanting to accept it.

“Yeah, you’re just projecting. You’re trying to find someone to hate, when you’re tolerating everyone’s bullshit, just to prove something to yourself.”

“Billie, I’ve just had such a shit week. I wanted that job so badly. It was- it is my dream job. And I wanted it alone-”

She cut me off, “She’s giving you that chance. Maybe she hates Joe too and wants you to have what you deserve. You wanted me to support you? Well here you go, Remy.”

I nodded, “okay.”

Billie sighed, leaning forward towards me.

I watched her mouth open to say something, but she stopped. It felt like she did that a lot recently.

“I’ve always been this honest with you.” She played with her rings.

“I know… I need it.”

“You do. You need me.”

I looked up at her. “I need you to come inside so we can finish our show. We were rudely interrupted earlier by Rach.” I mocked her.

“Okay.” She laughed a bit, rolling her eyes playfully. “There’s my Remy.”

I got out of the car, glad that the tension thinned out. I walked towards the elevator and pressed the up button, noticing Billie was still in the car. I watched her sit there for a moment, then get out.

“You alright?” I asked, my voice echoing in the dim parking garage.

“Yeah, coming.” She finally caught up, putting her hoodie up, over the green bandana in her hair. Her voice was hesitant.

From this moment forward, I promised myself not to make it about myself. My time with Billie was limited, and I wasn’t going to waste it. Tour starts next week and I plan on making the last few days memorable.

[appleofmyii]

and you dont seem the lying kind, a shame that i can read your mind

Now playing: 'duvet'- bôa

Synopsis: after finding Luke is the lighting thief and a traitor, you go to comfort and talk to him only to find him with someone else, leading to Clarisse mending your broken heart

fem!y/n x Luke Castellan, endgame fem!y/n x Clarisse La Rue

Warnings: luke, cheating, kissing, swearing. Lmk if I missed any

A/N: this is my first ever ff so please have constructive criticism only.

Your head spun and your heart felt like it was torn in half.

percy, Annabeth, and grover had just arrived back from their quest and it was revealed who the real lighting thief was, Luke Castellan, your boyfriend. While your head knew that the right thing to do was break up with him immediately, your heart still ached with love for him. 'Maybe if I just have a talk with him I can understand his prospective' you thought to yourself.

You start heading towards his cabin, other campers surrounded in a huge frantic crowd, wondering whats going to happen next. There were thunder clouds forming over the entire camp, and the lake tides were getting heavy, something serious was about to happen, but you didn't care, you didn't care that World War 3 might start, you didn't give a shit about that, all you could care about was finding Luke.

You slowly walked into the Hermes cabin, and you could hear muffled moans in the background. Luke's door was locked shut but you assumed that it was just because he didn't want to see, hear, or look at anybody. You softly knock on the door "go away I'm busy" Luke shouted, followed by a giggle. That giggle didn't sound like them though, it was sweet and girly. You wondered to yourself if you were just hearing things or if something was going on inside of the room, something that shouldn't have been.

"Luke it's me, look I know you may not want to see anyone right now, but we seriously need to talk, can I come in?" You shouted. " oh shit it's y/n" Luke whisper shouted as if their was someone else in the room "hide." You wondered who he was talking to and why they were being told to hide but then, luke opened the door, he was shirtless and only had his boxers on making you I tiny bit flustered, you blushed as you met his eyes "hey. Who were you just talking to?" You said in a soft tone voice making luke nervous, "no one." He said, looking down at his feet, clearly lying. "Well then may I please come in?" You said again in your soft tone and using your doe eyes as a way to persuade him, and while that usually drives him crazy and bends him to your will, today he was just not budging. "No. I'm kind of busy at the moment but I'll catch you at dinner" he said with a nervous smile.

You then saw another person far behind him, peering out of the corner whispering "is she gone? Come back I miss you." Luke looked at you with nervous and guilty eyes. You look at him with tears welling up "who Is that?" You tried to say but your voice broke, you already knew the answer, and you didn't like it. " I said who is that?" You shouted, your sadness quickly turned into anger, a trait you inherited from your godly parent. "Look I can ex-" luke tried to say but you immediately cut him off "You know what luke, down answer. Don't fix your mouth to speak at all. You know I was going to stick by you? I was going to deny everything and defend you even if it ment my friends and reputation gone? Gods, you might have been a lightning thief and a traitor to percy, but I would have never thought you would ever betray me. Go fuck yourself" you spewed out all in one breath, you thought that if you had said it slowly, you would break down, something you didn't want to do Infront of him or the person behind him.

you storm around the camp, unsure of where to go. If you went back to your cabin, your half siblings would want an explanation, something you weren't ready to waste your breath on just yet. You immediately thought of clarisse, your best friend, someone who was always there for you and vice versa. Though she was already pissed at luke for being framed as the lighting thief ,something you didn't believe at all, and you didn't want to fuel her fire, you urged to be held in clarisse's arms, crying your heart out.

You arrive at the ares cabin. Luckily no one else is there but her, you can see her though the window, sharpening her new spear, the spear that you paid double to get a hephaestus kid to make. You make your way through the door and you couldn't hold it in any longer, you burst into tears, clarisse immediately dropped her spear and rushed over to hug you " what's wrong pretty girl?" She said in a worrisome voice. The nickname immediately ran through your head. Pretty girl was the nickname she gave you when you arrived at camp, though back then it was used as an insult. "It's luke....." you managed to say through sobs " he's and traitor and a cheat." "He what" clarisse whisper shouted, her grip tighted for a second and you could practically feel the anger rushing through her vains, "im going to kill that son of a bitch." "No no clarisse don't do or say anything, he's already going through so much..." your voice started to shake as you trailed off. " he did you so wrong and yet your still protecting him, I don't understand you y/n." You spend the rest of the night laying in clarisse's arms

A few weeks has passed since the incident. Word got around about luke cheating on you and now he has been cut our and avoided entirely, including his own half siblings. You've gotten over him, with the help of clarisse. You almost want to thank Luke, if it wasn't for him you wouldn't have been spending this much time with her, or been able to see her in a new light.

calling it a crush was an understatement. You were head over heels, something you hadn't felt for Luke. Butterflies flew in your stomach by just the mention of her name. You excitingly anticipated your next meet up with her. You were completely and utterly down bad. And the feeling was mutual. Clarisse blushed at the sight of you, stealing glances at you and nervously fidgeting whenever you caught them. Now all you had to do was make it official.

You were nervous, not at her response but at others. Would people think its werid how you moved on from luke to clarisse? Would people think it was an odd pairing? What would your half siblings think? Hell- what would ares think? But all your thoughts washed away as soon as you saw her. She was just gorgeous. Suddenly you didn't care about what people thought about you two, not even the gods, if it ment that you got to see that face all the time. " clair..." you said, using your soft voice and doe eyes combo that once drove luke mad. "I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine." Clarisse was very flustered by this, she normally makes the first move and so to have someone else do it for her was a feeling she was not yet used to. You shot her a fearful look seeing as clarisse was hesitant to respond. "Im sorry if that's weird I just thought-" you tried to splur out but you were interrupted by clarisse's Lips meeting yours.

The kiss was surprisingly soft and sweet. You'd imagine what it would been like kissing her before and you always thought it would be rough seeing as she's an ares kid, but you weren't complaining. You kissed her back. Tugging on her curls and pushing your head forward to deepen the kiss, then you suddenly pulled away, "does this mean we're dating now?" You questioned her playfully, laughing at her astonished look from the sudden stop "what do you think?" She said in a annoyed tone. You giggled and continued on with the kiss

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆the end ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

[bryscorner]

i have decided to join the FallFest ! <3

apple picking with jacaerys velaryon— twilight by bôa and leaf pile jumping. did i do this correctly? sending kisses & hugs your way ! ♡

Join FallFest !

Pookie I hope this suffices ! Sorry it took me this long to get to your request, with your song choice it was hard for me to correlate the right vibe ! This honestly isn’t my best writing but regardless I hope you like it nonetheless !

it’s been nothing but a gloomy, boring and soggy wet day. it would’ve been perfect conditions to read at home, snuggled up in your bed or baking some fall treats and watch a movie, but alas…it just had to rain making the leaves all mucky and not as vibrant and crunchy to leaf pile jump into.

the smell of the rain couldn’t get you out of this dire need for some leaves, jace could tell by the way you were looking out towards the foggy and moist skies out the window during one of your mutual classes the both of you shared.

it was agonizing to see the glum face of yours, really. jace tried his best, but he couldn’t understand how a measly pile of leaves could be this much of a downer for you. he asked you during lunch why this was the case, just trying to be on the same page as you, but he couldn’t comprehend, but he also couldn’t just let you mope around like a lost puppy!

after the most tantalizing slow and mundane day of classes jace can tell that on the walk back to your house, it was quite, maybe too quite it seemed. he didn’t want to break the silence if you weren’t in the mood to talk after what happened during lunch, but he couldn’t just stand there!

he found a semi-soggy pile of leaves up the road under a tree, granted you guys were walking next to a park, noting that there wasn’t a ton of people out and about on this rainy afternoon. without as much as uttering a word he stopped you in your tracks, gesturing to hold your hand and dragging you a bit deeper into the park to where the semi-soggy pile of leaves lay.

standing in front of the pile, you two stood there–still holding hands, but from afar it looked like you two were at a sad…funeral…for a pile of leaves. very cliche for the perfect scene in a movie might one add.

‘jace what are we doing here? i said im not in the mood anymore..’

rubbing circles into your hand, he motions his head to look at you, giving a solemn smile and lightly shook your intertwined hands,

‘i know, but I can’t stand you being so withered and down just because the rain stopped you from doing something fun! just thought you might’ve changed your mind by then is all’

looking back at the pile…it wasn’t too drenched…it still had the potential to be crunchy and maybe even cushioned the fall if you were careful enough…

‘but what if i get my clothes all wet if the bottom of the pile is wet?’ looking at jace, he seemed to have that look like he didn’t care.

‘that’s okay, here you can use my rain coat if you get too wet, plus we aren’t far from your house anyways to my understanding! so you won’t have to sit in your soiled clothes for too long’ his eyes gave a hopeful response, glistening with the notion of determination.

jace took off his backpack and handed it to you to hold as he was unzipping his raincoat and handing it to you to take. noticing the smell of rain and his signature cologne that seemed to stick to every piece of clothing he owns.

of course he would offer his coat to you, i mean how more gentleman can he get? before you could even rebuttal, he already took your bag away from you and threw his coat over your shoulders, putting on the hood that was too big for you. he thought you looked very cute with his clothes.

gesturing you to finally have some fun, he found a park bench that wasn’t drenched by the rain and sat there, watching the bags with the upmost care and made sure he had a good view of you messing around.

you stood there still a little unsure, stomping on the pile of leaves that still looked the same as when you first got there.

‘well what are you waiting for! we don’t got all day babe! the rain will be coming back soon!’ jace said as he threw you a thumbs up, ensuring you that it was okay.

You zipped up the coat, before falling backwards into the pile–not so bad! plus the leaves had that bit of sound of crunch that you were desperate for.

popping your head back up, you see jace adorn that ever so knowingly smile. relaxing a bit more into the bench, watching you. you gave him a thumbs up as to say that this was a good pile,

standing back up, you fix the pile again to your desired size and shape before you started to fast walk back to the leaves and pretended to shoulder slam the pile like it was a person–the leaves dispersing into the ground again.

jace noticed the smile on your face as you successfully made another attempt to dive into the leaves, making sure it wasn’t too wet yet. smiling to himself, he was glad that you were in a better mood now, even if the rain had soiled your plans of hopes of a much more crispier pile.

he took out his phone to take pictures of you whilst you were occupied, making sure to capture the perfect moments of you being your most happiest, knowing for sure that he can look back on the fact that you finally were able to go leaf pile jumping like you had initially planned.

[pumpkinsy0]

Can I have tally hcs ??cuz like ur one of the only ppl who thinks abt them the way I do

im actually shocked bc i swear i barely rlly talk about them???BUT ILL TRY TO NOT DISAPPOINT☝🏽☝🏽

•ion think they rlly kiss that much, like im so serious kissing is just not their thing, they probably only rlly do it when their hooking up 😭

• that lyric ”a shame that i can read ur mind” from duvet by bôa is so them i swear it is, but i specifically think tim is more aware of how alike they are, like dallas knows they are alike but tim just understands it

•they do NOT go on dates, like ever, i dont think theyve ever actually went on a date w each other, neither of them see the point, a smoke session in the designated smoking area and a drink at the bar runs these to pathetic rats fuel

•buck was the first person to find out about them ill forever hold onto this idea, they were drinking a lil too much and he thought they were just gonna fight some ppl somewhere else n leave but he saw they went upstairs and was trynna rationalize it

•ill tell u what when either one of them came downstairs putting on their shirt, buck needed a drink his damn self hes so tired of this fuck ass bar

•ik when he started going out w dally, tim stopped laughing w angela about curly going out w pony cause now he had NO place to talk about relationships and thats like one of the first things angela started noticing was a bit off w tim and that was a clue into her finding out about tim and dally LMAOOOO

•i think all the shepards love lives r a bit weird n crazy so they dont rlly meddle in each others affairs, but HOLY shit i think them talking about tims is actually so real cause???what ARE??? u thinking sir????

•i think dally and tim both generally have the same build but tims a bit beefier and dalls a bit taller so their clothes fit a LITTLE weirdly but u wont rlly be able to tell

•UNLESS that is if ur ponyboy curtis cause once pony was just STARING at tim bc he knew somethin was off, and then it clicked that tim was wearing something of dallys and tim just felt so exposed and didnt look at pony at all and tried acting like he aint notice/didnt care

•but let it be known that pony told curly and it just went “is tim wearing dallys ___” “”yea😕””😕”

•BUT BACK ON TRACK, i think they see the marks they leave on each other in fights most likely in bed and they just do NOT apologize at all, just stare and the other just rolls their eyes maybe one of em makes a slick comment

thats all i can think of rn but i swear maybe i can think of more some other time if u want em

[local-crying-boy]

Not me who made a Hadir Karim playlist because I couldn't find any and had to put matters into my own hands..

Playlist link for those who actually want to listen here

Not like it's a very long one or one that might be very connected to Hadir, just songs that make me think of him every time they start playing.

Here are the songs that are on the playlist:

1. waiting Room (Phoebe Bridgers)

“Know it’s for the better” He stole the gas and used it because he wanted Urzikstan to be free. And “Plus, I know whatever happened to me, I know it’s for the better” because let’s be honest he probably knew he was going to die at some point, and he knew that it most likely wasn’t going to be from natural causes, not with the war he grew up in.

2. Fool (Bôa)

“You and I, born as fools now.” I don’t know what it is about this line, but it hits and it makes me think of Hadir. Maybe because he used the gas, making Farah despise him. “You and I think, think we rule now” this mf became Commander at some point, which just ENRAGES Farah, no?

3. O Superman (Laurie Anderson)

Well, does this song need any explaining? I found this song on a Farah playlist (made by one of my favourite Tumblr accounts, hence me making a post about the Hadir playlist). So if this song makes me think of Farah, it immediately makes me think of Hadir.

4. Love and War (Fluerie)

Love and War, says it in the title, no? Plus, “the truth begins to show”? Him using the stolen gas to save Farah and Alex, but only killing the Russian army and some ULF soldiers (if I remember correctly). And don’t even get me started on “lover, hunter, friend and enemy, you will always be every one of these.” UGHHH it's such a good line and I think that it represents Hadir very well, maybe alongside Farah too.

5. In the house - In a Heartbeat (John Murphy)

Do I really need a reason for this song? It's so good and it makes me think of numerous edit ideas (despite the fact that I give up on editing the minute I open Capcut), just the vibe and sound reminds me of Hadir, makes me think of his whole character development, his story, ect:

6.Forest (Twenty One Pilots)

"The situation's becoming dire" The line makes me think of the moment when Hadir calls Alex to help him get the gas, making it be used and everything kicking off and him becoming the enemy. "And for some reason I smell gas on my hands" well, this needs no explanation. "This is not what I had planned" Although I think that Hadir knew that Farah would have gone against him the moment he decided to use the gas, I feel like he wouldn't expect her to basically turn on him so much that it seemed like she didn't love him anymore.

7.Army Dreamers (Kate Bush)

I think everyone can see why I put this song on here, not only because it is such an amazing song, but also because Hadir is obviously a solider. Also, I know the song's meaning is about a mother grieving her son dying because of war. HOWEVER, the song does heavily remind me of PTSD that soldiers suffer from (more so from the music video where all their eyes are wide, which kinda is like Shell Shock/PTSD), and I'm 100% certain that Hadir, like any other character is CoD, would suffer from some type of mental illness, or nightmares, or grief/guilt from being soldiers.

8. I know it's over (The Smiths)

The repeat phrase of 'Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head" just makes me think of how he died and, in my head, I have an image of him just dead and, well, we know his and Farah's parents are dead. I don't know how to explain it exactly, been staring at this paragraph trying to figure out what the hell I'm trying to say. But it just makes me think a lot of him and his mother, because I seriously get vibes from him that he was a mama's boy before she passed.

9. Advice (Alex G)

"The world is full of fishes, but I trust you" really makes me think of him and Farah, because the two of them would have had to relied on each other at a young age after their parents died and when they were building up ULF and during their time in prison. They would have had a lot of trust in one another, which makes sense with the amount of pure betrayal and rage we hear in Farah's voice when she finds out Hadir stole the gas and then used it. The two of them would have had such an almost unbreakable relationship, not only because they are siblings, they trusted one another and they went through so much, they would have HAD to have trusted each other.

10. Poison Tree (Grouper)

This song alone has so much emotion to it, it ALTERS my brain chemistry. I love this song, so it just meant I had to link it to one of my favourite characters. Which, therefore, means it has a place on the playlist.

11. The Hand that feeds (The Crane Wives)

This song screams Farah, but I feel like it could apply to both Hadir and Farah. Afterall, the both of them are doing a tiring job that is going to both mentally and physically drain them. It's dangerous and they know it. "My papa taught me how to growl, how to bear my teeth and growl", although in the scene where we see of kid Farah and Hadir, their father turns to Hadir and says to 'stay strong for Farah', this is probably one of the many reasons why he does so much for her, even if makes her fucking despise Hadir for what he's done.

12. I wait for you (Alex_g_offline)

"I wait for you" I don't know what is it about the repeated line that makes me think so much about Hadir, about his whole character, but for some reason it really does.

13. If we have each other (Alec Benjamin

The song that makes me, really, think of any two characters that are related. "So I'm thankful for my sister, even though sometimes we fight" the line is more so towards the usual sibling type fights that happens throughout with growing up with siblings, which would easily be able to apply to the two of them. However, it also makes me think about the fact that Hadir still loves Farah and calls her sister, even when she hates him. When he was dying, he even said to her that he still loves her even though she hates him now (something along those lines)

14.Where'd all the time go? (Dr. Dog)

"There ain't no way to sweep up the mess that we've made" I know it says 'we' but I think that Hadir regrets what he did, even if he believes that it helps winning against the Russian army, I don't think he likes that fact that Farah hates him over it and he knows that he can't do anything to fix that, to 'sweep up the mess'. There's no fixing that, there was no fixing that broken trust between them after that.

[elliespassagerprincess]

The air is getting crisp fall is coming so a bôa song is definitely needed can you do twilight by them

Twilight - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! Your wish is my command! Ugh I wish it was fall where I live, it's literally so fucking hot lmao... I hope you enjoy it <3

this story is based off the song Twilight by Bôa, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE Warnings: descriptions of violence, murder, death, gore, sadness, small mention of depression and graves (don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which you couldn't win Ellie's heart

Authors note: ladies and ladies, the violence is back! Idk man it's been a while since I've written something like this. Remember you are loved <3

Your word and my word and her word is

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

And twilight gives me, an inner sanctity

And you're feeling, and you're hungry for her

And you don't understand it

But you know you haven't planned it

Your feelings and mine are all lonely

And dawn comes you're there lying with me

And you reach out to touch me, but I am in the twilight

You heard Ellie let out a sigh as she continued venting to you about Dina.

Stupid Dina.

Seems like all Ellie could talk about was her.

Why her? Out of all the people on the fucking planet why did it have to be Dina?

"She said "hey Ellie" and she didn't even smile with me! like what the fuck???" Ellie practically yelled with frustration.

You rolled your eyes at Ellie.

"Ellie calm down maybe she had a bad day"

Ellie stopped pacing around the room to look at you.

"Yeah.... you're right! She doesn't hate me she's just tired" Ellie said with a small smile.

You watched as Ellie lowered herself onto your bed and she looked up at you with a shy smile. She reached out her arms in your direction "cuddle?" she asked softly.

You let out a sigh as got into the bed spooning Ellie. She let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Ellie you need to stop doing this"

"doing what?"

you only shook your head and thought: "making me fall in love with you"

"friends don't cuddle" you brought up.

"Friends do" Ellie argued.

"Dina wouldn't like this" you added.

"well Dina isn't here right now" Ellie spoke matter of factly as she snuggled closer to you.

All you did was sigh as you brought your hand up to scratch Ellie's head. She let out a moan and she closed her eyes.

"You are a great friend, you know that?" Ellie spoke through a yawn.

Yeah, you were a great friend.

Your feelings and mine are all holy but,

You know and I know it's untrue because

When day dawns you're there lying with me

And the dawn can fly away

And you know I love you but you know that

There's nothing you can do about it

Because you love her, and you still want me

If I could be her... but I'm not her and she's not me

And you're somewhere different, on a different planet

You loved Ellie. You loved her a little more than a friend should.

Every time you saw her, your heart raced. She made you feel hot by just giving you a smile. Ellie made you feel things. Things you've never felt before.

You loved her.

But you knew she didn't feel the same.

You lay many nights next to Ellie, listening to her complain about Dina who's oblivious to Ellie's feelings.

It hurt you.

Seeing how Ellie always smiled when Dina walked into a room. Seeing how excited Ellie got, every time Dina said something. Every time Dina complimented Ellie, she almost exploded with joy.

It made you sick.

You tried being Dina.

Maybe Ellie would love you if you were someone else.

Maybe it was the way you did your hair? Was it the way you dressed? Was it the way you looked? What made Dina so special?

You tried cutting your hair the same length as Dina. You started dressing like her. You even copied her stupid music taste.

You tried. You tried so fucking hard.

But you could never be her and Ellie would never see you like that.

You knew Ellie loved you. She wanted you, but not in the same way you wanted her.

You were her best friend.

The girl she could go to with her problems, the girl who would help her with her hair and outfits.

You were nothing more than a friend.

You wanted to be Dina and you prayed to the gods that you could become her. But you didn't. You were nothing more than a friend in Ellie's eyes.

You saw how much Ellie's crush on Dina affected her.

How much it hurt her knowing that Dina most probably doesn't feel the same. And you being the amazing friend that you were, you decided to help Ellie.

You made it your mission to get them together.

Even though it hurt you knowing Ellie would never love you, as long as she was happy, you'd be happy too.

That's how you got yourself in your current position. Sitting across Dina in her apartment.

"So" you stared as you took a sip from the orange juice Dina gave you.

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"Ellie" "What about Ellie? Dina asked confused.

"do you have feelings for her?" you asked.

You watched as Dina burst out laughing, you watched as she threw her head back from laughing.

Anger sparked in you.

Why the fuck was she laughing? What's so fucking funny about liking Ellie?

After a while of Dina laughing, she slowed down breathing heavily before she let out a "Why would I like her? She's weird".

You felt your eye twitch before all hell broke loose.

How dare she say that about Ellie?

Your Ellie?

Ellie loved her so much and this is what Dina had to say?

This was the girl Ellie loved. She didn't deserve Ellie. If only she knew the amount of tears Ellie cried for her.

fucking bitch

You leaped from where you were sitting onto Dina, you straddled her as you punch her over and over again.

"How-"

*punch*

"dare-"

*punch*

"you"

*punch*

You don't even know how long you sat on her, and listened to her beg.

"Please" she whimpered as she tried getting you off her.

You eventually got off her breathing heavily as you looked down at your hands.

Your knuckles were bruised, and your hands covered in blood.

Dina's blood.

You looked over at her, seeing her slowly breathing. She didn't move, she didn't even make a sound.

Maybe she was unconscious.

You couldn't even recognize her with all the blood and bruises.

If Dina woke up, she would call the police. She would tell Ellie. Ellie would hate you.

You couldn't let that happen.

You slowly walked back from Dina, as you heard glass shatter. Your head snapped in the direction of the sound.

You saw pieces of glass scattered everywhere. And your orange juice was all over the floor.

Fuck you wanted to drink that.

You slowly bent down to pick up a shard of glass, and you held in your palm.

You walked towards Dina and you slowly pushed the glass into her trachea. You watched as the blood seeped from the wound.

You took a step back, leaving the glass shard in place. The blood dripped all over her throat and clothes, blood came out of her mouth.

Soon after Dina stopped breathing.

You killed her. You fucking killed someone.

You knew you made the right decision by killing Dina, because now you finally had Ellie to yourself.

And you still want it

The inner sanctity

And it's an evil

But the evil is necessary

And you're still hungry for her

And you still want her loving

But she doesn't love you

You watched as Ellie sat next to Dina's grave. She was sobbing.

Why the fuck was she crying over someone who didn't feel anything for her?

After Dina's death Ellie really struggled. She struggled to accept that the girl she loved wasn't here anymore. And what hurt Ellie the most was that Dina never knew.

Dina never knew the love Ellie had for her.

You watched Ellie spiral. You watched how she suffered.

Your plan was get rid of Dina, not the hurt the girl you loved.

Late at night when Ellie would lay in your arms you would sometimes feel regret for what you did. You didn't know it would affect Ellie the way it did, and you never wanted to hurt her. The guilt you felt soon get's replaced with pride when you realize that you got rid of the girl that was only going to hurt Ellie.

You saved Ellie. You saved her from rejection and embarrassment.

You knew she would get over it eventually.

Ellie's life wouldn't stop because her crush died. At some point she'll just have to accept it and you'll be here waiting for her with open arms.

You quietly walked towards Ellie as she sobbed next to Dina's grave, you raised your right hand putting it on her shoulder.

Ellie looked up at you, and in her eyes you could see how broken she was.

"It's ok Ellie" was all you said before she continued to sob into her hands.

You let out a sigh at the sight.

Months after Dina's death you realized that Ellie wasn't going to forget so easily.

You watched as she printed out pictures of her and Dina, and she placed it all over her apartment. You watched as she went to Dina's grave every week.

You listened to Ellie cry almost every night.

Even though you knew Dina didn't feel anything for her, Ellie still wanted her. Ellie still craved Dina.

Yes, she got affection from you, but you were never going to be enough.

All she wanted was Dina.

And you knew in the years to come Ellie wouldn't be able to move on and forget.

Even though you were there for her through everything. Even though you showed her nothing but love, the only person Ellie ever wanted was Dina.

She wanted Dina's love. Dina's care.

You were nothing but a friend. The realization made you sick.

You did everything for her.

You even killed for her.

But you'll never be Dina.

All you could was comfort her and hope, she'll one day feel the same.

[rimoriii]

→ O4/22/2O24 ᵔ₊.

ੈ♡‧₊˚ ❛ @rimoriii * .

momo's carrd

i hope you enjoy

reading this.

. . . . .

⌦ hello everyone !

this is my very first post <3

my blog today will be about . . .

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ESU

——— — - - - —— - - -

❛ tᥲbᥣᥱ ᥆f ᥴ᥆ᥒtᥱᥒt᥉. ୨୧♡ᵎ

—---———------—--——

:: OO . . . . . . . . . . . disclaimer + rant.

:: O1 . . . . . . . . . . . intro to esu.

:: O2 . . . . . . . . . . . my story.

:: O3 . . . . . . . . . . . signs you might be esu.

:: O4 . . . . . . . . . . . resources.

:: O4 . . . . . . . . . . . outro.

. . . . .

→ O4/22/2O24 ᵔ₊.

ੈ♡‧₊˚ ❛ @rimoriii * .

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇ disclaimer + rant:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰

before y'all start fighting in my comments section, nobody wants to fight you so hate will be deleted. you are entitled to your own opinion and i am entitled to mine and believe it or not, thinking this is valid IS an opinion. if you think otherwise, you're allowed to think that, what am i gonna do about it?? this post is really just me practicing argumentative responses, feedback or criticism would be greatly appreciated. i would love to hear your point of view as long as you're respectful !

esu, transracial, and rcta aren't the same thing so please don't say that. idek what transracial is but i assume it's the same as being rcta - rcta means "race change to another" and it is a newer term that we should NOT be using. why?

first off, race is a very broad thing, you can't just transition to a race, you have to be a specific ethnicity.

some of y'all don't know the difference between race, ethnicity and nationality so lemme just get that out of the way now :

race: race typically refers to physical characteristics such as skin color, facial features, and hair texture. it's a social construct used to categorize people based on perceived biological differences. however, there is no scientific basis for these distinctions, as genetic variation within racial groups can be greater than between them.

ethnicity: ethnicity relates to cultural factors such as language, religion, ancestry, and traditions. it's more about shared customs, beliefs, and history rather than physical traits. people from the same ethnicity may or may not share the same race.

nationality: nationality refers to the legal relationship between an individual and a sovereign state. it indicates the country of citizenship or allegiance, often determined by factors like place of birth, parentage, or legal status. nationality is about belonging to a specific political community, regardless of race or ethnicity.

now that you know that, let's continue.

the term race change TO ANOTHER implies that you were not that race before which would be untrue, it's a very hard feeling to describe but you've always been that race at heart, you're not "changing races"

this term was made by an awful person who is a groomer and pedo. they are also an asian fetishist. so by using this term, you'd be putting yourself under the same umbrella as them. im not going to talk about it but @.rctaisacult on tiktok has talked about it with screenshots and proof.

people who use ethnicity subliminals have ALWAYS been called ethnicity subliminals users, you can see that term goes back a lot of years, rcta on the other hand, very recent.

and for why you shouldn't use the term "transracial" ? there actually isn't a reason that comes to mind except for the fact that a lot of bait accounts or adults use it, there are many transracial adults out there that you can go to for help, large community! me personally, i don't really like to because i've noticed that most of the time, they have underlying mental issues that really need attention... im not trying to be like that so err i'd just not.

transracial is defined as: "Anyone whose physical makeup, emotional, racial, and/or self-expression is in conflict with current cultural racial stereotypes and racial norms, similar to transgender and sexual norms" (which it is not). it is actually the oldest term on the list, if you haven't heard of being esu, i'm sure you've heard of being transracial.

based on this definition, i feel like the difference between being esu and being transracial is one (has to) use subliminals and the other doesn't. they'll do things like cosmetic procedures instead.

i kinda wanna talk abt oli london but let's not address that

that tangent is over now and i just want to tell you that im not asking you to change your opinion, i just want you to be nice. the hate towards esu on the Internet is absolutely insane, i get it if you don't support, okay? if you don't like it, block don't report. we're just existing and it sucks that you think that's wrong of us. hate comments can be really damaging to someone's mental health, ESPECIALLY if that person is sensitive. if the hate is prolonged, it could lead to the death of someone, someone's child, cousin, uncle, aunt, mom, dad etc.

beating up someone because of their race/ethnicity or identity is absolutely insane, never ever resort to violence like that. what if that was a rumor? what if the person you just put on the brink of death was a bait account? what if they were framed? what if they lied? what if that was just a child? what if they were just minding their own business? you did that for what? for no reason at all.

i've lost many friends due to things like this happening, honestly just scroll, it's not that hard. the way that you'll just resort to violence like that is seriously disgusting, im sorry but you were not raised right. you all need to learn how to get over it, there's more to people other than if they're esu or not, it's their life, their decision, what are you really gonna do about it??

don't report, block me please

rest in peace to everyone we've lost and best wishes to everyone who has quit or left social media due to hate.

. . . . .

now that that's been said, let's start !

i hope you enjoy !

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇intro to esu:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

esu : ethnicity subliminal user(s)

what is a subliminal?

subliminals are messages that are delivered to the subconscious mind by means of music, speech or visual stimuli. these messages often contain negative or positive affirmations that are repeated repeatedly in order to reprogram or retrain the mind. subliminals are commonly used in self-improvement programs, weight loss programs and various therapy programs.

how do subliminals work?

subliminals work by bypassing the conscious mind and communicating directly to the subconscious mind. the subconscious mind receives and accepts these messages, if this goes on for a prolonged amount of time (varies), it can influence a person's beliefs, attitudes and behavior and may have a long-term effect on their thoughts, emotions and physical health. subliminal messages can be delivered through a variety of media, including music, videos, affirmations, and visual cues.

what is the law of attraction?

the law of attraction is a spiritual belief that states that positive or negative thoughts and feelings create a corresponding positive or negative energy that attracts or repels similar experiences, events, and people into our lives.

according to the law of attraction, if we focus on positive thoughts and feelings, we are more likely to attract positive experiences and people, and if we focus on negative thoughts and feelings, we are more likely to attract negative experiences and people.

what is manifestation?

manifestation is the process of bringing one's thoughts, feelings, and desires into physical reality. it involves concentrating one's thoughts, attention, and energy on a particular goal or outcome and taking action towards obtaining that outcome, believing that it is already a reality and that the desired result will manifest. manifestation involves having a clear and focused idea of what one wants, consistently holding that idea in one's mind, and taking action to bring it into physical reality.

what are ethnicity subliminals?

ethnicity subliminals are a type of subliminal messaging that uses affirmations, music, or ambient sounds to alter the physical appearance or identity of an individual. these affirmations are aimed at changing a person's ethnicity, and are often used by people who have a desire to look like a different ethnic group. while some believe that ethnicity subliminals can be used to alter one's appearance, many view this as problematic and potentially harmful.

so.. what's an ethnicity subliminal user?

ethnicity subliminal users are individuals who use ethnicity subliminals, to change one's physical appearance, ancestry or identity. these individuals may feel the need to change their appearance to conform to societal standards of beauty (invalid), to fit in with a different group (invalid), or to simply change their appearance to suit their personal preferences.

While some ethnicity subliminal users may see these messages as beneficial, others may view them as problematic and potentially harmful.

when you are esu, you're using these all of these things !

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇my story :: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

the purpose of me telling you this is so you can compare yourself to me and see if our stories align, i've noticed that most esu have similar childhood experiences.

as a young child, i was always drawn to japan, but i didn't really know why i was fascinated by everything about the country: the language, the food, the fashion, and the architecture. it all seemed to resonate with me on a deeper level, and i would spend hours researching japanese history, traditions, and customs. but i kept these feelings to myself, afraid that others would think i was weird or that they wouldn't understand. i tried to suppress my interests and conform to the expectations of those around me. however, the pull of japan was always there, and i couldn't shake the feeling that there was something about the country that i connected with on a deep level.

my connection to japan and its culture has always been a source of both fascination and confusion for me. i felt drawn to the country and its cultures from a very young age. but i didn't understand why or what it meant. i kept these feelings to myself out of fear that others would judge me or think i was wrong. as i got older, i couldn't shake the feeling that i was different from the people around me. it seemed like everyone around me was comfortable with their race and culture, while i felt like an outsider. i didn't look like my birth race, and i didn't feel like i was a part of it either. i always felt out of place, like there was something wrong with me. i wanted to be japanese, so much so that i would tell people i met that i was. but i didn't know a single word of japanese, so when people would ask me to say something in the language, i would freeze up and feel ashamed. i tried to learn japanese, but as an 8-year-old, i couldn't quite grasp it. i turned to subliminals to try and help me become more japanese, but i wasn't any good at sticking to routines and eventually gave up.

it wasn't until a bit later that i finally started to figure out what was going on. i was depressed and sad, trying on so many different gender identities and sexualities, but nothing ever felt right. i wish i could go back in time and change all of those years of confusion and sadness. but it isn't possible. my connection to japan was always more than just a passing interest; it was a deep-seated fascination that captivated me for years even when i didn't fully understand what it meant. i would daydream about living in japan, surrounded by the culture and the language, and would spend hours researching everything i could about the country, desperate to learn more. but even as i dreamed of becoming fluent in japanese, living in japan, and being part of the culture, i struggled with the guilt of feeling like i was somehow betraying my birth race and identity. i would ignore my birth race's culture, trying to pretend it didn't exist, and would become uncomfortable when others mentioned it.

as a self-proclaimed "anime hater" in 2020 i kept my distance from anything japanese for fear of being associated with the weird and awkward people who idolized the culture. but when the pandemic hit and we were quarantined at home, my curiosity began to get the best of me. with nothing but time on my hands, i started to explore japanese culture through something other than anime, and food. i started to explore the different kinds of sushi and discovered the deliciousness of onigiri, falling in love with the unique flavors and textures that were new to my palette. and even though i tried to ignore it, my obsession with japanese food slowly grew. (love it! #fat) but wasn't just my love for japanese food bun that was changing, as i struggled through the isolation of quarantine, l started to feel very sensitive and empty, like there was a part of me that was missing, even though i thought | had finally figured out my identity, something still seemed wrong.

then, again, i turned to subliminals as a way to find answers. i tried ethnicity subliminals, hoping they would help me figure out where i belonged in the world. but after a short time, i stopped listening to them, feeling like they weren't providing me with the answers i was looking for. and then, it was the summer of 2023. everyone was talking about rcta, something l knew a bit about from when i was young. lt seemed like a crazy fad, and i was one of the people making fun of t butt deep down, i knew that something was still missing. i still hadn't found that place in the world where i felt like i belonged, and i was desperate for answers. and thus began my journey down the rabbit hole of the rcta/esu community. lt started with me simply observing from the side, trying to understand what all the fuss was about. i was intrigued by the concept, but didn't want to go all in just yet.

however, as l spent more time in the community, i began to realize that i felt a strong connection to the esu identity, it was like a missing piece of the puzzle had finally been found! so, l decided to create my discord server, hoping to help others who were also struggling to find their place in the world. at first, i didn't claim to be esu, but rather acted as a supporter, helping others navigate their journeys. with over 800 members, it was like a second home to me. everyone was so supportive and caring, and i felt like i belonged for the first time in a long time. but then things took a turn. i took a short break from discord, only to come back to a complete mess. it was all my fault, apparently, and i felt like i had let everyone down. so i quit that server and started a new one, this time i started posting esu content and started "baiting" as esu japanese.

it wasn't a surprise that i got a lot of hate comments on my tiktok. people seemed to hate the idea of changing races, and they didn't hold back when it came to expressing their opinion. the comments hurt me, but i refused to admit it to

myself instead, i lashed out and doubled down on my beliefs, refusing to see the other side. my mom eventually caught wind of the hate i had been spewing, and she confronted me about it and defended myself. arguing that chänging races were racist but then she asked me a simple question: "how is it racist? they just want to be their true selves." oh, how that question hit me like a truck. i realized that i had been going against everything i had said and everything thought | had ever believed. it was as if a switch flipped inside me, and suddenly, it all made sense, i had to know more, to understand this newfound realization.

so i started researching my culture, devouring every piece of information i could find. i scoured the web for answers, for stories from people who experienced the same thing l did. and every article, every testimony, every piece of information. i felt my identity falling into place. it's been a few months since that realization, and i have never felt more connected to japan. i've learned so much about my culture, from the food to the customs, language and history. i feel a sense of belonging i never thought possible, and a newfound sense of pride in who i live, let's have been a journey, but one that i am grateful for. and know that there's still so much more to learn and discover. but for now, i'm satisfied with my new identity as an esu, and i am proud to be a part of a community that celebrates our cultures and identities.

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇signs you might be esu:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

you feel a deep affinity or connection to a culture or ethnicity that is different from your own background.

you have a genuine curiosity and enthusiasm for exploring and learning about different cultures, including their language, traditions, customs, and history.

you may feel like you don't fully belong to or identify with the cultural norms, traditions, or values of your birth culture.

you may desire to integrate elements of the culture you feel connected to into your own life, whether it's through language learning, adopting certain customs or practices, or participating in cultural events.

you have experimented with subliminals or other methods as a way to explore or express your connection to a different ethnicity or culture.

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇resources:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

you feel a sense of resonance or belonging when engaging with esu communities or content that explores themes of cultural identity, ethnicity, or belonging.

OR you feel jealous or almost violent when you see these communities^^

if you're feeling this way, please think about why !

https://cryptome.org/2017/05/in-defense-of-transracialism.pdf

˗ ˏ` ᥆ᥙtr᥆. ೄྀ࿐

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

: : : : . . . . . .thank you for reading!

hopefully this changed some perspectives <3

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿ 下次見 ！. . . . . .

see you next time ! 。。‿‿‿‿ ⌲

♡˖°꒰ @rimoriii is logging off :: . . . .

[txtmetonight]

Twilight—Bôa ✆

summary *. The twilight zone burns

pairing *. * Jaeyun Sim x Fem! Reader

genre *. Angst

warnings *. Mentions of blood

taglist ⋆ ★ @kflixnet

You wonder what the meaning of a promise is. What is the true definition behind the words that are uttered underneath stairwells and hushed lips? What does a human speak of when they vow? What do they sacrifice?  

“A declaration or assurance that one will do something or that a particular thing will happen.” 

You’ve been promised love by Sim Jaeyun but what does that mean?

He has promised not to taint you with the colors of black, and all that is foul–that he will protect your holy heart in its cavity of sanctity.

He has promised you a new life, a life to touch the sky, the stars, and the sun until you wither away along with him.

He has promised you the light that illuminates, the light that warms, the light that sees the beauty under the skin of people–the light that they possess in their fingertips.  

Yet you’re now back in the twilight zone where it’s dark and Jaeyun now flies in a plane of confusion and hunger. A hunger for more. A hunger for words that mean much more or nothing.  

Right now, he stands in front of you, and he is in a state of obsession with the desire to love and be loved. He says that he loves you, but you’re not blind. He loves both. He promises both–you and another.

But Jaeyun doesn’t understand it as you force-feed him his emotions and perhaps a mix of yours too. It’s messy and it slobbers down his chin, dribbling down his shirt. The man is too used to it though, and he doesn’t pay any mind.  

“Do you like her?” You ask.

He doesn’t look at you, but he merely stares ahead, his eyes locked on a woman in the distance. You know of this woman very well. She holds your distaste and your likeness in her hands even if she doesn't know it. She is oblivious.

With so much profound irony, his fingers intertwine with you, and they burn against your skin, tearing the flesh off as it exposes the skin and bone underneath. He then dares to turn his head around with the passing wind that carries away his moment of feelings.  

“Of course not. I promise I only love you.” 

You find yourself nodding. “It’s okay. I know that.” You then pat your hand against the soft grass but sigh when he has already looked away. You feel lonely. He’s isolated.  

“Lay down with me Jaeyun. Tell me exactly how much you love me. Show me.” 

Cry to me, unveil to me how much you love me–adore me, praise me. Like you praise her and the sacred beauty she holds.  

You soon enough realize that he is sinful. Jaeyun is rotted and he holds the disease deep inside him. It eats away from his guts and his intestines, spilling blood into his lungs as he chokes out the metal liquid.

He still tries to touch you, to hold you in his arms. He cradles you but you are repulsed by his touch. Or at least you act like you are. Because you’re already tainted but you don’t want him to know that.  

Jaeyun is a force to be reckoned with. He is the devil, and he is greedy with the thirst to keep his heart full. He deserves to go to hell, but he will drag you with him.

“Do you trust me?” He questions one night. You are both on your bed with the covers pulled up. It’s still cold though and he lights a cigarette that he stole from his father. The pack sits in his right pocket.

It takes you a second to say something back to him as you crinkle your nose from the sudden stench. He knows that you don’t like it but still does it anyways. 

“I do. But I don’t trust your heart. I don’t trust what it holds.”  

He lets out a puff of smoke into the air. It transcends into nothingness. 

“There’s nothing I can do about it, though. Can I?” 

“You’re fucking evil.”

You roll around and face the wall. You draw shapes on it with your eyes and he immediately follows your actions. Jaeyun kisses your back tenderly as if he were afraid that you would shatter into a million pieces.

“But I need you. You feed me–keep me grounded.”

You’re not sure if he’s lying. Sometimes he seems far away, taking shelter on another planet. Other times, he keeps his inner sanctity and goodness and stays with you.

As long as he comes back to you–he will forever be seen in the eyes that you behold as pure. And he knows that. And so do you. But does the other woman?

What does she serve him? What does she do to him?  

This led back to the promises once more–his breath reeks of sores because of the popping of never-met words towards you. You still let him kiss you though and the poison seeps into your mouth.

It fills your senses with heat, but you’re still left wondering with queries that you’ll never know the answers to. 

What does he say to her? What does she say to him?  

She’s not you. And you’re not her but maybe you wish. You pray on a shooting star that you have yet to see in the twilight zone. An area of muddy water and foggy air that you cannot traverse through, because he loves you. And he loves her. 

But she doesn’t love him back. And you do. So, he comes back to you; he’s still starving. 

You open the gates to twilight to let him in again. Again. Again. Let him suckle from the tips of your heart.  

[whitetaileddeer]

Gio as lyrics

stole this idea off all-we-know-is-falling :3

(these are in no particular order by the way, its a mix of lyrics that relate to events in his life and those that just reflect him as a person)

Elephant - Bôa

If I was to hold one hand over my face now

Would you know me, or would you see the other side of me?

And if you were to notice, that there is a plan I've been devising

To go, to go now, far away from here, now

And I'm gonna be so brave, and I'm gonna go so far away

Hey now - Shauna Dean Cokeland 

I once was a kid with long dark hair

Running wild through the forest like a white tailed deer

Didn't notice much 'til I saw it all at once

once was a kid in a little dark house

And I didn't talk to people

And I didn't go out

The place stunk like hell, burned my eyes

Now you'll hit my phone and say I'm lyin'

The doctors told me I can't stay 15 years old,

what kinda place would take a girl like that

It's strange, when you're sent somewhere to come back changed

Hey now, did I make you proud?

Tell me how I turned out

Full moon - The black ghosts

 And in the full moons light I listen to the stream

And  in between the silence hear you calling me

But I don’t know where I am and I don’t trust who I’ve been

And if I come home how will I ever leave

Home- Daughter

I was drunk again

Causing accidents

Oh, you're not a friend

No, you're nothing

I think I should be

A little more confident

In myself

In my skin

'Cause I don't stand a chance in these four walls

And he don't recognise me anymore

Burned out flames should never re-ignite

But I thought you might

Now he's moving close

My heart in my throat

I won't say a word

But I think he knows

That I've hardly slept

Since the night he left

His body always kept

Mine inside of it

Keep the nightmares out

Give me mouth-to-mouth

I can't live without ya

Take me to your house

Vampire empire- Big thief

Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time

It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow

Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go

So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control

You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in

You spin me all around, and then you ask me not to spin

You say you wanna be alone and you want children

You wanna be with me, you wanna be with him

Fame < infamy - Fall out boy

When I'm home alone

I just dance by myself

And you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth

Signing off 'I'm all right in bed but I'm better with a pen'

The kid was all right but it went to his head

I am Gods gift

Why would he bless me with such wit

without a conscience equipped

I'm addicted to the way I feel when

I think of you "There's too much green to feel blue"

Lover, you should’ve come over- Jeff Buckley

Maybe I'm too young

To keep good love from going wrong

But tonight you're on my mind

So... you'll never know

Broken down and hungry for your love

With no way to feed it

Where are you tonight?

Child, ya know how much I need it

Too young to hold on

And too old to just break free and run

So I'll wait for you, love

And I'll burn

Will I ever see your sweet return?

Oh, will I ever learn?

Oh-oh, lover, you should've come over

'Cause it's not too late

Be nice to me - The front bottoms

There is very little left of me and it's never coming back

There are certain things you ask of me 

There are certain things I lack

The beginning, we were winning

Now we're just making a fact

What's it matter anymore?

You believe the lies I tell

There's no meaning to words

But we still sing these songs well

And we all left it alone

I'm sure it will work itself out fine

They are playing with your numbers

And we are running out of time

You're a killer and I'm your best friend

I think it's unfair, your situation

You say I'm changing, 

Sorry I didn't know I had to stay the same

Can we talk about this later? 

Your voice is driving me insane

I try to write you poems, but the words they don't make sense

The hand tries to grip the pencil, but the fingers are too tense

I try to show emotion, but my eyes won't seem to wet

I'd love to tell you stories, but I can't remember how they went

Small hands- Keaton Henson

Please forget me, you were right dear

I am cold and self-involved

And though I'll miss you, recent lover

I am weak and therefore fold

Get distracted by my music

Think of nothing else but art

I'll write my loneliness in poems

If I can just think how to start

Wonderless - Pierce the veil

And if you don’t find me on the front page

Find a way to say that you saw me

And if you don’t find me in a movie

Find a way to say that you knew me

And if you don’t find me in the front page

Find a way to say that you saw me

and if you don’t find me at all

then I won’t care

Today I saw the whole words - Pierce the veil

While you stood over the pavement

I was biting the curb

Sick entertainment

But I'll bet it feels good coming down

Can't bear to wash out the wasted time

Between your lips and mine

Oh, can't you feel it?

You feed on my restless soul

Oh, can you see that

It's never enough, it's never enough

Today I saw the whole world

And I think heaven has a plot to take my life

Listen, I'm the one who made you

I'll be the one who brings you down

But this will be the last time

No care- Daughter

Oh, I'm too drunk to fight, hurling curses at your surface

Because I'm aware, because it hurts that I'm in love again

And you have kissed my neck so your arguments are insane

Fighting over the way something was said

Well, I'm still here like a cheap threat

No care, no care in the world

Dream brother- Jeff Buckley

Her green eyes blew goodbyes

With her head in her hands

and your kiss on the lips of another

Dream Brother with your tears scattered round the world.

Don't be like the one who made me so old

Don't be like the one who left behind his name

'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine

And nobody ever came...

Twin sized mattress - The front bottoms

It's no big surprise you turned out this way

When they close their eyes and prayed you would change

And they cut your hair, and sent you away

I wanna contribute to the chaos

I don't wanna watch and then complain

'Cause I am through finding blame

That is the decision that I have made

I dont smoke- Mitski

I don't smoke

Except for when I'm missing you

To remember your mouth, how it tasted true

And I don't smoke

Except for after I've held you, baby

Being with you

Makes the flame burn good

So if you need to be mean

Be mean to me

I can take it and put it inside of me

Last words of a shooting star- Mitski

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted

Apologies from the intercom

And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy

They'll think of me kindly

When they come for my things

They'll never know how I'd stared at the dark in that room

With no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark

And while my dreams made music in the night

Carefully I was going to live

You wouldn't leave 'til we loved in the morning

You'd learned from movies how love ought to be

And you'd say you love me and look in my eyes

But I know through mine you were looking in yours

These days- Nico and the velvet underground

I had a lover

I don't think I'd risk another these days

These days

And if I seem to be afraid

To live the life that I have made in song

It's just that I've been losing

So long

I've stopped my dreaming

I won't do too much scheming these days

These days

These days I sit on cornerstones

And count the time in quarter tones to ten

Please don't confront me with my failures

I had not forgotten them

Tin can ride- Gregory and the hawk

We won't mind if you try to fix him, and then cry into the mic.

According to stories fireside, he was raised by wolves then cut and left to die.

If it weren't so nigh, time you'd be screaming out, if it weren't your kid, you would give into doubt.

But these days you're trying to quit, like those smiles that he fooled you with.

We won't mind, feign a thick skin and then split at the sides.

Faulty rhymes - he was born heart beating to the pulse of poetic crime.

It's a hard one, kid, the paint's quite peeling, but, boy, the wood is fine.

Stay away from my friends - Pierce the veil

Baby stay away from my friends

Because I need them to carry me when it's over

I'll count back from ten

And you can listen to

Something that you've never heard before

But you don't know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night

Scaring the thought of kissing razors

This blood evacuation is telling me to cave in

Stay away

Oh no

Just stay away from my friends.

[tonycries]

ok now i NEED to know ur top ten artists🙏🙏

literally i love bonding over music

🫐

AAAAA THIS IS HARDDD cuz they're always changing. Okokok let's see, in no particular order my current top ten:

Mitski

Weezer

Sagong

Childish Gambino

BABYMETAL

Wave to Earth

Nirvana

Daphne's Couch

Bôa

Tame Impala

[minkshame]

I did want to reshare the SPARE CHANGES PLAYLIST complete with tracklist and key lyrics... under the cut

SECTION 1 (TORD):

Half a World Away (R.E.M.) - My hand's tired, my heart aches / I'm half a world away

Leaving New York (R.E.M.) - You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)

Dirty Imbecile (The Happy Fits) - When my heart starts beating, lungs stop breathing / All my fibers say to run away

Don't be Seen with Me (Oppenheimer Analysis) - I kept things under strict control / Resisted all diversion

How to Disappear Completely (Radiohead) - That there, that's not me

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beatles) - I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say / Hey, you've got to hide your love away

Heart in a Cage (The Strokes) - See I'm stuck in a city, but I belong in a field

Back to the Old House (The Smiths) - Cause I never even told you / Oh and I meant to

Promise (Laufey) - And I should get a cigarette / For how much restraint

No Time to Explain (Good Kid) - It's been a while I've been out on my own / I'm in denial about living life alone

SECTION 2 (EDD):

I Guess He'd Rather be in Colorado (John Denver) - I guess he'd rather work / Out where the only thing you earn is what you spend

Give you My Lovin (Mazzy Star) - Cause you see, rain reminds me of you / And everything has turned to you

Hopelessly Devoted to You (Olivia Newton-John) - I know I'm just a fool who's willing / To sit around and wait for you

I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You (Charlie Burg) - And I can hear so clearly all the words I wish I'd said / You're stuck in my head

Mamma Mia (Austin Weber) - Yeah, I've been brokenhearted / Blue since the day we parted / Why why did I ever let you go?

Livin' With a Heartache (The Beach Boys) - I'm no good alone, you know-a everyone sees / That you left me alone with nothin' but a heartache

Oh Love (Delaney Bailey) - And I don't want to turn back time anymore / But I do miss when I thought that I was loved

Duvet (bôa) - But you know that it means so much / And you don't even feel a thing

I want you (Mitski) - We're starting over / And I love you darling

SECTION 3 (GENERAL):

The Less I Know The Better (Tame Impala) - I was doing fine without ya / til I saw your eyes turn away from mine

Pork Soda (Glass Animals) - Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? / How come I see you and ache instead?

Spare Hearts (Exit Mouse) - I know you’re afraid / Of making a big mistake / But you’re just what I need / Spare me the fear

Les maudits mots d'amour (Le rouge et le Noir) - Mais dans l'ivresse de tes bras / Tout le reste vole en éclat, / Vole en éclat.

SECTION 4 (LOW POINT):

If I can't be yours (Loren & Mash) - I realize / We're not the same / And it's making me sad / Cause we can't fulfill our dreams in this life

Memento Mori (Red Vox) - Could it be, the presence of memory / Is all we are, all we'll ever be?

I Know It’s Over (The Smiths) - And it never really began / But in my heart it was so real

Sparks (Coldplay) - My Heart is yours / It's you that I hold on to

Turtles All The Way Down (Sammy Copley)- And I’m aware / That it’s not fair / To bring you here then send you on your way / You had so much to say / And to ask

Door (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME) - If I'm out of line / Just show me the door / I promise you I / Won't come here no more

SECTION 5 (HAPPY ENDING):

Scary Love (The Neighborhood) - No one has ever cared for me / as much a you do

It's Been a Long Long Time (Harry James) - You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you / Or how empty they all seemed without you

Those Eyes (New West) - I close my eyes and all I see is you / And the small things you do

Heart to Heart (Mac Demarco) - To all the days we were together / To all the time we played apart / In each other's lives

Another Believer (Rufus Wainwright) - And give me just one more chance, one more glance

Home (Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros) - Man oh man you're my best friend / I scream it to the nothingness

Genesis (Jourma Kaukonen) - And there I found myself with you / When breathing felt like something new, new / Along with you

[gloriousburden]

Hi! Me again. I've been seeing your posts about Loki and Taylor Swift(May the Swifties leave my guy alone) and I was wondering, what music on Midgard do you think he would listen to? I personally think he would listen to classical music, and some music that he would relate to. I personally think he'd like the song ALICE by PEGGY, as it kinda has a fairytale vibe and he'd relate to the part about using daydreams to cope.(I personally headcanon Loki would sometimes daydream to escape life, especially when the W4 would mock him).

Hi!! (Inserting your other ask here too. DONT APOLOGIZE I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU! 🎀)

I have a lot of songs that I think he’d relate to lyrically. But sonically, I think I he’d like classical music (like you said) and Nordic folk music. For some reason, I really see him liking music that features the violin, or the harp. Maybe I’m projecting with that one lol

But in terms of more modern music.. Grimes described her album, Halfaxa, as being “What the dark ages would sound like if they could be interpreted in an electronic means” and as her Medieval album. There’s a lot of dreamy hymn/chant like vocals on it, and I feel like that may be something Loki is familiar with. It’s like a Medieval album but if they had magic, and were from space… which reminds me of Asgard. It mixes the future, with the past. And it’s very otherworldly.

The vocals (and the lyrics when they are intelligible) sometimes have a sense of yearning, or a sadness to them that I feel Loki relates to a bit.

Warning: If you do listen to the songs, I think for some, they may be a bit of a more acquired taste. It is definitely an experimental album, and a lot of people diss it for that. But it is one of my favorite albums of all time, and I personally think it’s beautifully made and everyone on this realm should listen to it at least once.

Some songs off the album that I actually could see him liking:

Favriel

Dream Fortress

Swan Song

Devon

I feel like he would also like some of Björk’s songs. The ones that have more orchestral elements.

^ hey that’s me

Okay this was a deleted scene, but…

I take it as canon idc. He SO does daydream and get lost in his illusions to cope.

I’ve never heard that song before, but I will listen to it when I get a chance!! That sounds like it makes sense for him.

Lyrically… I always think of him when I hear Play Dead by Björk. I made a post about that, and the lyrics are just so… Loki.

Songs I think he’d like/relate to some bits lyrically, but not necessarily sonically:

Hunter by Björk

Climbing Up the Walls - Radiohead

Symphonia IX (My Wait Is U) by Grimes

Andromeda by Weyes Blood

Oblivion by Grimes

Know Who You Are At Every Age by Cocteau Twins

I Wanna Be Adored by The Stone Roses (or the cover by The Raveonettes)

Sulk by Radiohead

This Night Has Opened My Eyes by The Smiths

All I Need by Radiohead

Videotape by Radiohead

Wanderlust by Björk

High and Dry by Radiohead

Earth Intruders by Björk

Well I Wonder by The Smiths

Human Behaviour by Björk

Let Down by Radiohead

The Trickster by Radiohead

(Also unfortunately, a few keyword FEW of the lyrics from Creep by Radiohead remind me of him. Hate to admit that)

Forgive me for mainly using songs by the same 4 artists LOL these were the main ones I could think of at the top of my head

Okay this song is NOT Loki at all, but I always think of him when I hear this part of the song. The song is The Big Big Beat by Azealia Banks. 😭

“You’ve been ‘round the world

Looking for love in the strangest places”

“Shining diamond

All of your facets you’ve so many faces

Bet your evil smile’ll convince anyone who sees”

I have so many songs that remind me of him (that he wouldn’t necessarily listen to/relate to) as well.

Angel by Massive Attack

Daylight by Bôa (maybe he would like/relate to this one actually)

Frosti/Aurora by Björk

Will probably edit this and add more later there’s so many songs THANKS FOR THE ASK ❤️

[death-in-a-handbasket]

OMG I love your OC Irah-Elizabeth (I checked out the OC HC posts-& aesthetic boards) Seeing Sir Chloe's Squaring up sent me.

She reminds me of one of my characters so very bias-

The colors too! Green sweaters (especially polo-neck sweaters) are godly. When I see them I just:

Scandalous! Green-sweaters paired with brown jackets. I can't get enough of the combination. The natural muted colors of earth. Send me to the earth.

I think Sir Chloe's voice fits perfectly on Irah-Elizabeth-

She makes me think of Karin from Funger 2, do you think they'd get along? (My brain sees blonde hair and brown jackets and thinks they'd have some common ground, at least on a aesthetic level.) Leon Kennedy (RE 4) also has such wear- but he loses it >.> get him out of here.) That's a pretty loose and awful reason to think two characters may be interesting together but it's something.

Would irah enjoy the song Fool by the band Bôa?

The song just popped into my mind when looking at her aesthetic board.

What is her favorite food?

(Psst* Has she killed anyone before? You can tell me, I am great with secrets.)

Lia too, I love dolls, mannequins, porcelain, china, feldspar, polished stones and gems. All the works!

Mattias, Tracy, Aesop, Puppeteer (Onmyoji), sasori (Naruto)- Wax artist a little bit now too- I don't particularly like or dislike Phillipe, but your posts about him bringing him into my view.

(Your posts are amazing.)

Would Lia like to have a pet? She looks sad/lonely, would a pet help? If so what pet would Lia like to have (if she doesn't already have one.)

I apologize for such a long ask, I wanted to ask some good questions but I got distracted a bit by how great your art is. It's always a pleasure to see your post, whether it be relogs of ascetics, quotes, OC or idv characters. It's all great!

I will eventually like all your posts!

Again sorry for the long ask- I also wanted to space things out for easier navigation.

hello hello !! no worries at all about long asks, I love them because I love having long conversations hehe, any topic any question I love sitting down and going ham ‼️

I'm so delighted to know you love irah :D she's a fairly old oc of mine and over the years I've just made her grittier and gritter LOL she has more flavor the more angry I make her, she usually goes by lizzie, which is a nod to lizzie borden due to her violent nature and axe wielding skills

alas I have not consumed funger to know whether or not she'd get along with karin :0 but I def see the resemblance you are talking about, tbh she might be able to rock with Leon though LMAOOO

I listened to the song you recommended ! I quite enjoy the lyrics, personally though I think she needs stuff that has more of a rural twang to it, she lives in new york, but not the city part, I mean upstate middle of bumfuck nowhere new york SHHDGH, a good example of a song she would like is When The Lights Go Out by the Black Keys

here is her playlist if you wanna parse through it ! :D

her favorite food is oatmeal with a side of super crispy bacon, she also enjoys most cured meats like salami and the like :3

(she has not killed anyone but she's gotten very very closeeee, she has a deep hatred towards her father)(she also regularly used beat the shit out of her friend's twin brother because he was a pain in her ass, they have a really really touchy relationship. they do not consider each other as a friend but they are too close to deny that there is a bond of some kind even if it's a really terrible one)

I absolutely adore lia, she is one of my most tragic characters and I spend a lot of time mulling over her wrecked emotional state, her doll look to her design is very very fun for me to draw and I 100% feel you on the doll enjoyment, I've been following an account where this guy unboxes these ball jointed dolls and shows off their assembly and the outfits n stuff they come with, the modeling of some the dolls he has are so beautiful !! I'd love to have a mask that looks like some of the dolls faces I've seen

I've also been noticing a bit of a doll/model haver streak in my character tastes too as of late (Aesop, Philippe, Yukito, Scaramouche, heck if you go way back to my homestuck days you have Dirk)(also I'm interested to see what you come to think of Philippe ! he's quite an unusual character to work with and most certainly don't like him LOL so I'm always curious about what influence my posts have on the fandom's take of him)(I'm glad you enjoy my posts ! I always pity my followers for how inconsistent my blog is sometimes GHSDDGJ)

I think Lia would love to have a pet tbh, she loves animals and has an extremely gentle touch so anything that comes into her care is always well-loved. Her loneliness goes beyond just company alone, she has a very terrible and complex living situation with no clear solution so most of her sadness comes with wallowing in not being able to do anything, but I think having a pet to talk to would make her happy. I think she'd enjoy having birds, canaries and other finches especially would delight her. I also think a big fluffy cat like a mainecoon or a ragdoll would be so lovely.

thank you for visiting me dear !! I absolutely loved answering this ask, I'm so flattered that you like my art and my posting in general, you're always a treat to see in my notifs as well <33 have a good day and stop by any time :D