#i Love america. like this is coming from someone with the privilege of very little material danger from being lgbtqia+

[woundedearth]

CW gay american vent hour. i think i'll have the money and motivation to actually go to pride events in portland this year but Pride(tm) is such a corporate circus and honestly increasingly frightened someone is going to bring weapons to the parade lolol. i had a really unsettling encounter the other day where a guy in downtown pdx was walking past talking loudly on the phone about all the public sex and raping of children going on at pride. and when i shouted at him he immediately threatened to called the fucking cops on me!! and then he did! so!

[ladyloveandjustice]

I want to expand on what I'm talking about. And I said a little bit extra in the comments:

There's just some posts that have been going around about how to solve the issue of men swinging real right in America right now,which does have an impact on society. some guy was saying he was attacted to the right bc they were all 'welcome brother' but in the left people resent him. I think it's just. It's easier to go to an idealogy that's like 'you're entitled to this' than an idealogy that says 'hey you're not entitled to everything but you could be more emotionally healthy and kinder to other people and". That's something simply being nice or making them feel good won't ever fully fix. The "rewards" for being in the right will always feel more immediate for white men.

It's not unique to men to feel alienated in an idealogy that wants you to challenge yourself. At the same time, more kindness to everyone, emphasis on acceptance, less volatile language toward each other, will help the community be stronger over all. it is a difficult conundrum, but I don't think it comes down to 'we don't make men feel special enough

It also ignores I think, that white men DO get rewarded in leftist spaces too. a lot. Men will get a ton of adoration for saying something vaguely feminist than if a woman says it a lot of the time, and so on a so forth, everyone loves a sweet guy...I think that's something that already happens.

But let's get back to volatile language:

We always say guilt isn't going to help anyone and it isn't about guilt. But I think we need to admit that no, we do try to make people feel guilty and ashamed a lot. And not framing it around that most of the time would do a lot.

I've seen posts straight up saying it's a bad thing to want to survive and live happy lives and take actions to do this because (x) bad thing is happening. You know, the most basic human instinct? And that's not going to win over people. You may not like that, but it's not.

I don't think that needs to center on women helping men feel special about themselves. A lot of us are asked to take care of men all the time and it's exhausting. Men on the left can focus on being more positive about the concept of manhood if they want, but asking women to do the work. is just....yeah that's just the patriarchy.

I do think examining things like black masculinity etc is great though. If you have another marginalized identity, it will intertwine with masculinity in very specific ways that will be used against you, just as it is with femininity or being outside both those concepts (yet the world assigns you one anyway). I totally get that masculinity is used as a weapon against both gay men and gay women, in different specific ways. And I think at least learning about that and supporting efforts to stop this makes one a better person.

On the other hand. it would be insane of me to ask a Black woman to make a Black man feel special and accepted for simply being a man if she doesn't want to do that. Like. absolutely wild.

And it's it's rarely about that, is it? When we say "celebrate men" it's not bringing any unique experience into it. It's about white men. They're the ones who make up most of the alt-right.

Communities in the right are not compassionate but because they offer some form of reward and companionship they can seem like that. As much as people are lured in by "welcome brother" or whatever, those same people will on the right will mock any person who steps outside the strict roles that have been set.

So....we need to abolish to same roles. I think we need to focus on how we talk to people. On supporting people when they're trying.

It also comes off in how we talk to each other about basically I can harshly tell someone who has privilege over me-- a white man or straight person ect ect-- their guilt about their privilege does nothing, I'm not interested in guilt and what we need is action. But let's be real. Telling someone "you benefit from a system that makes other people suffer" is going to make someone feel guilty. And yelling at someone for feeling guilty isn't going to make that better. I think we avoid saying the truth and say what's the core of it-- no, it's not your fault you were born a certain way and now you benefit from something. A society hundreds of years in the making made that happen. And that sucks, that you basically have no choice but to be complicit. And it sucks way, way more for the people who are kept down by that system. So we need to change society. We can do it together. It's not to "make up" for you existing. It's because we care about each other. I want this for all of us, because when we see each other as whole people and are treated equally, it benefits all of us.

This is a not a "men are uniquely punished by the left for being men, we need to celebrate masculinity, stop being so mean" thing. It's a human thing. It's about the way we talk to each other and try to weild guilt towards people in general. People want to feel good about themselves. They want some kind of acceptance. If you're constantly made to feel bad, it can be hard to want to stay. This is something everyone feels, because we all have a selfish instinct.

People don't like feeling guilty. That's just how people are. It's promoting compassion, rather than hatred and resentment, that's going to help us in the end.

But me simply saying that isn't going to change much. Humans feel hurt and lash out too. When horrible things are happening to us, we resent people that don't understand that or are part of that. The paradigm shift will be hard. Not everyone will be able to do it and I don't think that's wrong.

Everyone gets frustrated by a class of people where a lot of them have more power and try to push them down. Nobody wants to talk to someone that's trying to hurt them.

That's why it needs to be someone like me who could explain racism 101 rather than idk. making a person of color say 'well white people don't feel special and accepted for being white. poc we must be nicer. let's celebrate whiteness because the right does and that's why white people are drawn to it, they feel accepted." listen to how ridic that sounds. you are literally asking for a white history month. That's the same thing you're doing when you're talking about manhood like this. The onus is not on the discriminated group to reach out to those harming them. That's up to others in the community.

But as a broader thing...We just need to figure out what the end game is. Do we want to yell and guilt trip, or do we want more people in our corner? What's more important, the end goal or if someone knows all the right lingo or matches up to your opinions exactly? What do we need to rally around? How can we take care of each other? If we're kinder to the community, more people will follow.

Anyway this is the last time i'll say some big thing like this and tag it. I don't like doing this on tumblr for a reason.

[zhounauts]

SYNOPSIS kim minji was privileged. and she was your best friend. born to the top percent, she was born to go to decelis academy, a school built by and for the elite. yet she wasn't. you were instead. and you were attending as her. GENRE mystery, rich kids au!, slight romance, angst FEATURING YN LN, MEMBERS of NEW JEANS, MEMBERS of ENHYPEN, MEMBERS of IVE, AND MORE WC 3.45k WARNINGS cursing, lying , mentions of food, death A/N VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY experimental fic, lmk how it is

THE BEGINNING OF IT ALL —

elite.

that was what decelis academy was. an academy built by and for only the most privileged and elite in the entire world. money, power, and status ran deep in the school, evident in its gold embellishments on the wall, crystal chandeliers and the tall, high ceilings.

decelis was known world-wide, a prestigious school for academics, sports, art, and everything else you could think of.

and it was where you were now enrolled, taking the place of your best friend kim minji who had run away.

decelis was a school meant for only the elite and privileged. that was rule number 1, and you had already broken it.

july had always been hot and humid, the sun blaring down onto you, not faltering. but this year, it seemed even hotter than before. it felt like the entire world was on fire, it felt like your life was at a boiling point, reading to overflow, and bubble over.

and on july sixth, it did.

“i don’t want to go to decelis,” minji whispers, “i don’t want to leave everything behind,”

“minji. . .” you trail off, “listen, i get it. you’ve been here your whole life, but it’ll be okay, it’s just a new, fresh start,”

“i can’t stand it,” she says quietly, “i can’t handle all of that pressure yn. i’m not insanely smart, insanely athletic, or anything like that. i can’t live up to those standards. those kids are going to eat **me alive,”

“minji—”

“i wish i was like you. you’re smart without having to study, you’re athletic you’re*. . .”* she stops “you’re everything decelis wants.”

“oh come on, don’t dismiss your own achievements. minji, listen i get it’ll be hard for you to adjust—”

“it won’t have to be,” she suddenly says, excited. “yn, you are everything decelis wants!”

“so?”

“swap with me,” she begs, “you are everything they want,” and in the scorching heat of early july, the boiling point of your life, your world boiled over. you were going to decelis. you were kim minji.

maybe you should’ve thought out this idea a little more before committing to it, because now that you were sitting in the front of minji’s car, acting as her chauffer, you can only shift nervously. the two of you constantly send glances at one another in the rear mirror, unable to say anything with both her parents in the car.

you’re ready to dip, yet you know you can’t betray your best friend like that. you knew how minji was. she was kind, sometimes too kind, and you knew a school like decelis was definitely not for her. but it also wasn’t a school for you. you weren’t rich. you weren’t elite. sure you had the skills, but when it came to background? you’d be eaten alive if you were found out.

yet, this was also a good opportunity for you. in fact, this would let you take classes from some of the top professors and teachers in the world, and you’d have access to opportunities many others could only dream of. the plan was simple, as a ‘chauffer’ you’d help minji unload her bags, escort her in, rush into the bathroom, swap outfits and be on your merry ways.

minji had told you that she’d be leaving for a flight promptly as soon as she got home, planning to go to America and meet up with an old friend to pursue her dreams of being a dancer. you knew how much minji loved dance, and while her parents supported her in it as an extracurricular, a hobby, they absolutely refused for her to go professional. you’d heard it one too many times, from all the times you’d hung out with her.

“it’s an unstable job, there will always be someone younger, someone better than you,”

“dancing will not make you successful in life,”

“you aren’t good enough anyways to be like the pros,”

ouch, you think to yourself, recalling the insults they had thrown at her. her parents were harsh. they were stereotypical as well: strict, stubborn, unmoving, unloving. in comparison, you didn’t have parents. they had passed long ago, and you had been passed on to your mother’s then twenty-two year old sister.

she knew about the plan, you had fought with her over it. yet, you didn’t back down and the day before you left she wished you good luck, pulling you into a tight hug, whispering to you things you could not understand.

“stay safe, stay low, don’t step out of line, don’t be like ahra,”

the mere gate of the school leaves you in awe, it’s incredibly large, with the decelis enbelm in the center of it all. your heart races. you watch as the two men in front of you open the gates, revealing a long pathway, nestled in a large amount of trees.

driving up the driveway only makes you more and more nervous, making you gulp in fear. you check on minji in the rear mirror, and you can see how scared she is as well. she doesn’t look at you, but by the way her eyes goggle at the school, you can tell she’s intimidated. you’re not sure, how long you drive up the winding path for, but the school is even more amazing.

it’s sat on top of the hill, so incredibly large, practically a castle, and you can see even taller buildings behind this main one. you pull in slowly into porte cochere, a ton of other fancy cars pulling in as well. you watch the students who step out, all of them dressed in the same uniform, only with different patches and symbols marking your year. they’re all chattering and smiling with one another. you gulp.

“chauffer?” mister kim calls out.

“right, sorry! miss minji, let me get your bags for you,” you quickly hop out of the front of the car, adjusting your cap and wig, and heading to the back. you watch as minji approaches you, scanning the school around her. she would only be going to decelis her final year of high school. her grades had always been average, and because of that her parents were always too ashamed to send her to develop. yet after one more try at the entrance exam, which you had actually done for her, they finally sent her, or well, you.

belift academy was not a bad school, ranked top fifty in the world still, yet her parents wanted her to reach new levels, to meet other kids in her circle. you pull out her luggage, setting them onto the ground, scanning the school yourself behind your sunglasses. you watch as minji’s parents approach her, talking to her. you can only watch them from the side. they don’t hug her, they only lecture her.

“mister and missus, i’ll help miss minji take her bags in, and i’ll be straight out,” the two of them nod at you, only staring at minji. you grab ahold of her two luggage, trying to pretend they aren’t heavy. as soon as the two of you enter the school, you search for a secluded place and dash to it. the two of you had practiced this earlier today, and you quickly slip on her uniform, the blazer, skirt, socks, and clunky shoes. you stare at minji, you can barely tell its her, with the stupid sunglasses and goofy wig.

you bring her into a hug.

“thank you so so so much yn,” she whispers, “i don’t know how i can ever repay you,”

“just be happy, and achieve your dreams,” you smile, “you can repay me that way,”. you pull away from the hug, and the two of you stare at each other one last time. you grin. “i’ll be fine minji, update me as much as you can,”

“of course,”

the school is huge and despite being in your final year of high school, you’re still a new student, so you head to the orientation, sitting in the new students section. you analyze everything, your eyes scanning the crowd to see someone you could talk to.

“are you a third year?” you whip your head around quickly, staring at three girls who stand behind you. they’re dripping in luxury, shimmery jewlery, polished hair, and glossy lips. if it were not for minji giving you her things, you would’ve looked incredibly out of place.

“yeah, i just transferred here,”

“i’m kim chaewon,” she starts, “my parents own kim food corporation,”

“danielle marsh,” the other girl says, “my parents own hyundai, plus i’m from australia”

“and i’m hwang yeji!” the third girl says, “my parents own TOI media,”

okay. holy fucking shit. you think to yourself. “nice to meet you!” you exclaim, putting on a smile, “i’m. . .kim minji. my parents own WQ group,”

“ooo!” chaewon chirps, she smiles, “your third year of high school, but first year here?’ she asks. and despite the kind smile on her face, you know she’s analyzing you.

“Yeah, I guess it is kinda weird,” you shrug, “but i’m here now and that’s all that matters,”. the three girls stare at you, and nod. yeji claps her hands together and smiles.

“find us after the orientation! we’ll be outside waiting for you,”

you watch as the three girls skip away together, and as nice as they seem you know that deeper down they’re judging you. they’re assessing you, seeing if you live up to the standards first, then if you’re worth keeping around. you grit your teeth. you had been here for less than twenty minutes, yet you knew you’d have to play it safe, keep a low profile. and most importantly, keep that smile on your face and act like you were just like them.

you meet the three of time as soon as the orientation ends, and as promised they’re standing outside the large auditorium. danielle gives you a smile, “so, where’s your dorm room?”

“uhm. . .” you mutter, taking out your sheet of information, “it says i’m in summa hall,” the three of them whistle.

“you must’ve scored high on the entrance exam,” you nod, sweating at the memory.

“you never told me that i’d have to take their entrance exam minji!” you hiss.

“you’re academics are better than me! and plus you’re the one going really,”

“aughhh!” you exclaim.

“what does summa mean?”

“it’s latin, summa cum laude, with highest honor. and then theres magna cum laude, which is with great honor. then there’s what we just call cum laude, with distinction. then at the bottom is Infimus, which just means the lowest,” she explains, “and you, minji, are in summa meaning you’re one of the top in school,”

“impressive,” chaewon whistles, “most kids enter their first year way lower, and work their way up. it’s amazing you did it in one try,”

“that entrance exam was hard though. . .” you mutter.

“guess not hard enough,” yeji laughs, “all three of us are in summa,”

“right, yeji’s rank 7, chaewon 6, and danielles 5,”

“the ranks are based on the entrance exams everyone takes before school starts, they can change after ever marking period though, based on popularity, and extracurriculars” yeji groans, “it’s hard to maintain, but the benefits are endless. plus! the summa dorms are the nicest, so enjoy it!”

yeji was right, the summa dorms were top tier. you never knew another bed could be even comfier than your own back at home, and the fluffy pillows were to die for. summa dorms only had twenty rooms, ten for the top girls, and ten for the top boys. you were still unsure where you were in this whole caste like hierarchy, you didn’t really care, the bed was enough to keep your mind off things.

you wake up at the ass crack of dawn, five thirty in the morning, to get ready. you knew impressions were everything at this school, and even walking by those of the lower ranks, they were dressed up as well. you sigh, looking at your closet, filled with minji’s things. you sigh. this was going to be a long first few weeks.

by the time you’re done with your makeup, hair, accessories, and all, it’s already seven forty, meaning breakfast would be served at eight. you grab minji’s backpack, shuffling out of your room, your shoes halfway on.

“you new?” you hear suddenly. you whip around, to see a second-year boy, standing in front of a dorm that’s six doors down. you jump.

“uhm, yeah?” you analyze him, head to toe. he’s decked out in expensive jewelry as well, and you gulp underneath his stare.

“and you dethroned leeseo ,” he grins.

“what? who?”

“well her name’s actually lee hyunseo, she was the number one girl, but now you took her place,”

“i’m. . .what?”

“danielle i’m number one?”

“you didn’t know that??” she asks, staring at you wide eyed, “what do you think the numbers on the dorms meant!?”

“w-what the!? i thought they meant just your room number! like suite one or something!” you exclaim, “i didn’t know! and now who the hell is lee uhm lee hunsoo???”

“you mean lee hyunseo??” danielle says, fake shuddering, “she’s a bitch. she’s been number one ever since first year, she’s been in that room for years,”

“shit,” you mutter, “i don’t want enemies!”

”oh please, don’t worry,” danielle says.

“i am worrying. . .” you murmur, but danielle ignores this, only dragging you faster to the dining hall. you can’t help but think have the worst feeling in your gut that this lee hyunseo, leeseo, girl wouldn’t let you take her spot so easily.

“ooo! fresh build-your-own omelettes! minji hurry up!”

being a summa means essentially all your classes, except for electives, are seperate from everyone else. you have the better classes, better teachers, and overall better programs, and it makes you feel absolutely gross.

despite having yeji, danielle, and chaewon now you still didn’t trust them. sure they were nice to you, but that was only after they knew who your supposed parents were, after you had revealed you were a summa to. you trail behind them, danielle by your side chattering to you about some trip she had taken to aruba a couple months back. and while you could care less, you nod and give short responses, letting her chatter on.

all the summa classes are in the north building, in apollo hall. you can feel the difference in atmosphere as soon as you set foot in the hall. it’s much quieter in comparison to the rest of the school, it’s decorations even more intricate, and the school’s motto is engraved into the ceiling.

Sapientia Potentia Est.

wisdom is power. . . you gulp. danielle pulls you slightly, nudging you to hurry up. you want to laugh at how untruthful the school’s motto seems, sure wisdom was power, yet in decelis that wasn’t the case. wisdom wasn’t power.

money was power in this school, and while wisdom would get you somewhere, in the end it all boiled down to your background. you look at the motto once again, engraved in the door above your classroom. you scoff.

the classroom is suffocating. despite the friendly chatter going on around the classroom, you can feel the difference almost immediately. as friendly as these kids were acting, behind their smiles, their laughs, they were all watching one another carefully.

and all eyes are on you, the new student, kim minji, who placed first in the entrance exam, and was now ranked number one in the entire school. this was not the lowkey life you had originally planned for yourself, and you realized that because of this you were going to be noticed. you would be under a spotlight.

fuck. . . you think to yourself, sighing. you bury your head into your arms at the classroom’s seats.

“kim minji?” you look up only to meet eyes with a girl you’ve never seen before. she’s pretty, really pretty. her hair is glossy, her lips and cheeks are rosy, her lashes are long, and she’s also decked out in dainty, yet glimmering, expensive jewlery. you look at her, discreetly looking at her nametag. lee hyunseo.

“yes?” you answer sweetly, smiling, “you’re, leeseo right? sorry i’m still new,”

“yes, that’s right,” she smiles a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, “i’m lee hyunseo, but you can just call me leeseo. congratulations on your entrance exam score,”

“thank you,” you tell her, “it was a really difficult test,”. you put that stupid, sickly sweet smile on your face again, not showing any emotion. you’ve gotten used to reading others. you were a scholarship kid at belift high, the only one in fact, and ostracized. you weren’t rich enough to afford anything at belift, and because of that you were judged. it got even more intense when you became friends with minji, who was well known in the school. you knew leeseo’s facade, what she truly implied. she was feeling you out, establishing you as her competition.

“it is,” she says, “i hope you enjoy your stay in the number one dorm, it really is as nice as others say, amirite?”

“yeji told me about it and i didn’t believe her,” you answer promptly, “i was truly surprised,” she nods.

“don’t get too comfortable,” she laughs and then she walks away. that was a threat. enjoy your stay, but you’re going down

“man. . .she’s intense,” chaewon mutters, “making her move already,”

shit. you think to yourself. leeseo had said little, but the meaning behind it said so, so much.

your original had been simple. stay low profile, make a couple friends in the lower ranks, pass classes, join a sport, and live your life here.

it was simple.

but fate had other plans for you. you were now the new girl who had scored the top grade in the entrance exam, shoved into the spotlight of the entire school alongside with other elites of the school. as much as you wanted to keep it lowkey, it was all too late now.

you weren’t going to back down now, especially since leeseo was high-tailing your ass. even if she didn’t directly say it, you knew what she meant. it meant more than just getting her rank back, she was going to bring you down as far as she could. she was threatend.

for some reason, the thought makes you laugh. you were poor, if she knew where you really were from she’d laugh at you, and step all over you. the fact that some girl who had it a thousand times better than you was threatened and jealous of your presence made you happy.

“kim minji?” you turn around, to see the boy you had talked to earlier in the morning. you recognized him from some of your classes as well. he smiles at you.

“yes. . .?’

“i’m kim sunoo,” he smiles at you, “i’m a second year,”

“ah, nice to meet you. i’m minji,”

“right. . .i’d like to be straightforward with you,” he says, and you stare at the boy. he has an oval face, fox-like features and his hair’s styled down. he has a friendly face, but his eyes say otherwise. he wants something. “i don’t like leeseo,”

“. . pardon?” you blink.

“you heard me,” he sighs, “i don’t like her,”

“and. . .?”

”you’ve taken her spot,” he smirks, “i can help you keep it,”

the offer hangs in the air, it’s unexpected, strange, suspicious even. you find yourself caught off guard by his proposition, and you can only stand there, unsure of what you should do. his straightforwardness startles you, and the way his eyes gaze at you makes you nervous.

“keep her spot?” you repeat, trying to remain nonchalant, “what do you mean by that?”

sunoo laughs “you know exactly what i mean, kim minji,”

“right. . .”

“i know how she operates,” he says, “she’s not as innocent as she seems. she's ruthless. to other’s she’s just another stuck-up girl, but now that someone’s really dethroned her, she’s scared now. she’s going to do something,”

“and why are you helping me? what do you gain from all of this?”

“i have my own reasons, kim minji,” he says. there it was again. kim minji. it rolled off his tongue in a way that irked you, and the way he constantly repeated it made you fidget. it made you think he knew something, yet you couldn't be sure. “don’t wonder about me too much. i’m helping you, giving you a warning,” you narrow your eyes at him.

“who ever said i wanted to keep that spot?”

“why wouldn’t you want to?” he asks, you watch as he looks around, scanning your surroundings. he leans in close next to you, his mouth right next to your ear. you gulp.

“hey what—”

“and plus, it was your mother’s spot,” he whispers.

DECELIS BOYS TOP 10 —

??? 6. ???

??? 7. ???

??? 8. ???

KIM SUNOO 9. ???

??? 10. ???

DECELIS GIRLS TOP 10 —

KIM MINJI 6. KIM CHAEWON

LEE HYUNSEO 7. HWANG YEJI

??? 8. ???

??? 9. ???

MARSH DANIELLE 10. ???

a/n spring break = no school = time to write = clear head to write new ideas and stuff = no writers block

literally grinded this all day without stop cause i had nothing else to do, ngl i'm proud of it, but at the same time idk what i want to do with it so like. . .??? + like i said in first a/n this is a very experimental fic and i prob won't continue it, but anyways PLEASE share thoughts on this

networks @a-dream-bookmark

[lara635kookie]

Okay...Not the ship analysis yet but a little snippet of it. To write the analysis I had to think about why I like Red Crackle so much. And I realized one of the reasons why is that they remind me of another ship I also love:

(Warning:Spoilers of both Carmen Sandiego and Spider-Man Into/Across the Spiderverse ahead.)

Yes, they got differences but also massive resemblance either that once you notice, you can't unsee it. It isn't noticeable when you try to compare Gray and Miles and Gwen and Carmen, but once you switch...

Both Miles and Carmen are latino main characters, just that Miles is black and Carmen is brown. While Puerto Rico is a USA territory, in culture terms they share more with Latin America. And Even Miles not being born in Puerto Rico, his puerto rican roots and heritage are clear. 8/B in spanish is nowhere near as bad. As a Brazilian, we speak portuguese, which is a very similar language to Spanish(I myself know a little bit of spanish), but overall, both languages tend to sound very difficult, specially when you're learning in a place that doesn't speak any. Carmen didn't seem to be totally fluent in spanish either since in the Lupe Peligro episode she says her Spanish is getting better. So not fluent, at least in that point in time. Maybe that changes after that so I'll just assume both Miles and Carmen are working on their spanish. Another point is that they are both very smart. Carmen knows her geography and history AND can speak multiple languages and Miles is great at physics AND art, both very different areas from one another. Saying that, Carmen had everything to be a Mary Sue, just like Miles had everything to be a Gary Stu but instead, while they are extraordinary, we also see their weaknesses, flaws and mistakes. On the first two episodes of the first season of Carmen Sandiego and on the first spiderverse movie, we see Black Sheep/Miles Morales transition to becoming Carmen Sandiego/Spider-Man. And on that transition, someone was always by their side...

Both Gwendolyne Stacy(Spider-Woman) (or Gwanda ;) and Graham Calloway(Crackle) have a four letter nickname that starts with G and the protagonist always call them that(Gwen and Gray). Both have a surname that ends with Y. Both are a little bit older than the main character(Gray is two years older than Carmen and Gwen is 15 months older than Miles). Both are trans to a lot of people(I don't actually believe this, I think both Gwen and Gray are cisgender, specially Gwen, because of the comics and because while I think her revelation to her father was made in purpose to resonate and pass as a metaphor for coming out, I believe in the less popular theory that she was an ally and her Peter was actually trans and that is one of the reasons he suffered bullying and Gwen defended him and had that "Protect Trans Kids" poster in her room, this is literally the vibe she passes me:

Some time ago I saw a theory that the relationship of Miles and Gwen was a metaphor for one of the difficulties that interracial couples pass that the most privileged has to learn that the same society system that protects them, won't protect their partner in the same way, and that is shown through the way Spider Society treats Miles and I know there are more black spider people like Hobie and Margo but the parallel still works:he is not being accepted because he is different. The thing is, that theory kinda breaks the trans Gwen theory because if she was trans, sadly, the system wouldn't protect her either. I also don't believe it because of the voice actors. Some years ago, an adult could dub a children if he did the right voice. Nowadays, they cast a voice actor more similar to the character. Like, black characters need to have black voice actors, etc, otherwise they get canceled. And both of the voice actors for Gray and Gwen are cisgender, and I saw people complaining that if the producers wanted to make characters "potentially trans" they should have casted trans voice actors, for both characters. But anyway, I don't mind and respect the people who think they are trans). Both got competition for the other's affection(Gwen has now Spider-Byte and Gray has Ivy, Julia and pretty much everyone you can ship with Carmen in this show, which is a lot of people). Both are the lighter skin love interest not from where the protagonist is(Gray is from Australia and Gwen is from another dimension).

And now with the storyline similarities. Both pairings start as friends, so both lead to a slow burn. Both were an amazing partners in crime duo, working really great as a team, and being just the two of them or even with more people, their connection always stood out. Miles and Carmen never became official members of Spider Society/V.I.L.E. but disagree with them and escape from them to do what they believe is right. Both Gwen and Gray make a mistake and are expelled from Spider Society/V.I.L.E. (Gwen with the portal multiverse dimension go home machine or whatever and Gray by having his memories wiped) and then they realize too late they made a mistake with Miles/Carmen and now have to fix that mistake. Also both Carmen and Miles say "Goodbye Gray/Gwen." in the most DRAMATIC way possible before doing an grand triumphal exit and I love that for them. And the look Gray/Gwen gives them before they leave is THE EXACT SAME LOOK, I SWEAR. So as you can see, both ships leave a room for A LOT of angst and drama. Also just the way they look so fondly at each other and the way both Carmen/Miles and Gray/Gwen look sad when they have to leave or when the other has to leave them says it all. Platonic or not, both couples have an undeniable bond and just work so well together, being as friends, lovers, partners...They are each other's ride or die. They are each other's everything.

(Also just an personal opinion is that both Spiderverse and Carmen Sandiego have the MOST BEAUTIFUL ANIMATION I HAVE EVER SEEN) (Along with the new Miraculous movie) (Ladybug and Chat Noir are also very similar of Carmen and Gray but that's something more noticeable to pretty much everyone, I don't have to elaborate much on that matter) (I've got nothing to say about LadyNoir/MariChat being similar to Red Crackle that hasn't been said before)

The major difference about them is that, while both the Spiderverse movies and the Carmen Sandiego series don't have romance as their main focus, Miles and Gwen will most likely be canon in the films, just like they are in the comics. I think it will be a movie trilogy so they'll probably get together in the third movie(Beyond the Spiderverse in january? Anyway, 2024, save the date). I mean, Spider-Byte is cool and all but she's a game avatar or something so I don't think Miles and her can get together, even if he travels to her universe and decides to stay there or vice versa. They introduced her just now and we barely know anything about her, and Miles and Gwen clearly already have a whole build up story going on with a consistent arc so why mess it up? Besides, I think we need more main interracial couples representation in media. Aside from these two, the only GOOD main interracial couples I can think of are Druig and Makkari from Eternals(I never even watched Eternals and I know they are better than Ikaris and Sersi)(They are also an interracial couple but they clearly don't have the chemestry Drukkari does and Ikaris seems to be kind of a jerk tbh), Ricky and Gina(from HSMTMTS, which I don't watch either but their clips I saw on YouTube are just the cutest thing), Ben and Devi from Never Have I Ever, Daphne and Simon and Kate and Anthony from Bridgerton, and Julie and Luke(Juke) from Julie and The Phantoms(JATP) which is literally an impossible love story since Luke is dead(he's a ghost) and Julie isn't(she's alive) and the series was cancelled(still mad about it and will forever be). My point is:Couples with different ethnicities are not only little but the ones we do have are mostly either impossible to happen, unfairly treated/messed up by writers/not well executed or when treated right, we don't get enough content of them/they are forgotten, in the majority cases, and that needs to change. Anyway...Meanwhile, with Red Crackle, as Carmen Sandiego had a pretty open ending, canon can be whatever the hell you want, and for me is red crackle. That's it. Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Will be posting more "written podcasts" soon.

[rwrbmovie]

RE: casting

Quotes from interviews on #RWRBMovie about the casting process

This post will be updated as content is released

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Last updated: August 9

From Vanity Fair

Then there was the matter of finding his leads, roles that have been fancast since the book’s 2019 release. For Henry, a man born to privilege and often spiteful of that fact, López sought someone who would “protect” the character. “Without realizing it, Nick taught me that I was in search of someone who would take care of Henry,” he says. “It felt very safe putting Henry into Nick’s hands.” As for Alex, the rowdier of the two, it was about casting an actor who could “transform himself” over the film’s two-hour run time. “Taylor’s a little more like Alex than Nick is like Henry. But Taylor is not as much of a human cannonball as Alex is,” López says. “And to watch Taylor in the audition process become that reckless and energetic creature was actually really, really fun.” Now, he says, “I genuinely cannot imagine any other two actors other than these two playing these parts.”

From People

Of Perez and Galitzine, López, 46, says, "They each embody their characters so perfectly while also working effortlessly as a team." "Nick brings a tremendous amount of vulnerability and dignity to Henry, and Taylor turned himself into a human cannonball in order to bring Alex to life."

From Deadline

Casting was something “perfectly within my purview as a director. … I know the rules, don’t worry,” López assured. He spent five months “auditioning hundreds of actors” searching for his two leads. “I kept seeing them, then I’d go to other people. Then I’d go back to them. It was also important for me to see as many actors as possible … especially for the role of Alex. “You don’t get many opportunities to cast a lead role in a studio film with a Latin actor, so I wanted to make sure that I saw everyone that I possibly could, mostly from the United States and throughout Latin America and Mexico,” the director and writer now relocated from New York to London told me. “I saw hundreds of guys for this role, which was heartening actually. It was Taylor, once I met Taylor. Then it was putting them together in a chemistry read and praying that they had chemistry.”

From What to Watch

I think there’s a point at which, once a project starts to actually get some forward momentum, then it starts to become a lot easier to convince people to be in the movie, and by the time we got Uma, I was like ‘great, who else wants to join the fun wagon?!’ Stephen took no convincing whatsoever, that was such a happy thing for me, because I thought ‘well, there’s a very slim chance he’s going to say yes to this’, you know, I’m sure he’s busy, I’m sure he’s not going to want to do it, it’s too perfect, and then he said yes straight away, and I felt so happy."  "And then Sharon, I honestly was just like — when I knew I get to cast a fictional UK prime minister, I was like ‘well, let’s go for the most hopeful version of what we’d love to see in a prime minister’, and when they asked me to think about it, I was like ‘oh! Sharon D Clarke — ask her if she’d come in and do a day for us’. It’s the same thing with Sharon as with Uma, the first thing I said for each of the President and the Prime Minister was ‘would you vote for that actor to actually do that job?’ I can’t vote in the UK, but if I could, I would vote for Sharon!"

From Tatler

The character was originally supposed to be a queen – 'Queen Mary' is the head of the family in McQuiston's book – yet none of the grand dames were interested when casting calls went out. 'I think, at that stage of Her Majesty's life, none of the Dame Judi Denches, Helen Mirrens and Julie Andrewses of the world wanted to do something like that,' says López. Fry, however, jumped at the chance. 'He said yes right away,' says López, pausing to laugh. 'Of course, he is friends with His Majesty. I never asked him what he thought the King might think of Stephen playing a fictional British king.' Perhaps Fry's friendship with the monarch is why he was so well-versed in decorum and royal protocol. 'He didn't even have to be told,' says López. 'He just rattled it off. He was like, "Can I say this instead, Matthew?" I was like, "Yes, fine, you're Stephen Fry, you can do whatever you want."

From TV Times

López says he was delighted to not only get Hollywood star Uma Thurman to play President Ellen Claremont, but also to persuade Stephen Fry to portray the British king! 'It was really important to create a lot of daylight between the fictional royal family in the movie and the actual royals - they aren't the Windsors, ours are completely made up,' says Matthew, 46. 'But when Stephen walked on set in that double-breasted suit, I think everyone in the cast and crew stood to attention!'

From PinkNews

Due to the ongoing Hollywood strike, neither actor is able to promote or discuss the film, but López describes, Galitzine as more “robust, less fragile” than Henry, while Perez is quieter, “a lot less rambunctious” than his character. But it all still worked. “I couldn’t have asked for better or more different actors than the ones that I got,” López raves. “I felt Henry was this very fragile thing, and I placed him inside Nick’s hands, and Nick cared for him throughout the process. Taylor really turned himself into a human cannonball in order to become Alex.”

From Observer

So much pressure [to get casting right] that I actually told the producers that I wouldn’t make the film if we didn’t find the right Alex. It wasn’t enough to find the almost right Alex. I had to find the perfect Alex. I think that Taylor is pretty much anybody’s idea of a perfect Alex Claremont Diaz. We saw quite literally hundreds and hundreds of young actors for the role of Alex alone, over the course of about five months. I spent Christmas 2021 looking at audition tapes. Then I met Taylor, first from his audition tape, and then on a series of Zooms I did with him, auditioning him once while I had a really bad case of COVID. He kept reemerging. He wouldn’t be denied. It became very undeniable that it was going to be Taylor. 

We were running the casting process simultaneously. The cast is pretty much split between Americans and Brits, so the first decision I made was a British casting director for the British roles and an American casting director for the American roles. Bit of a divide and conquer. So they were they were happening simultaneously. Nick was very much in the mix around the same time that Taylor became in the mix.  I had photos of all candidates up on a big wall. You want to pair them up and you look at the pictures together, which is the most rudimentary form of a chemistry read. Nick and Taylor visually made sense to me right on the big board. Once we got them on a Zoom together, they were undeniable. It was incredibly important that we find the right people and I wasn’t at all certain we would. Once we found two leads who were stunningly perfect, not just individually but together, I knew we had a movie and it was only up to me to screw it up, which I hope I didn’t.

From OutSFL

I adore her [Uma Thurman]. She was so very happy to be in this movie, which was so wonderful. She really understood Ellen. She and I had so many wonderful conversations about her before production. I involved her in a lot of costume design decisions. She was really wanting to understand this woman holistically. That scene was just so beautiful. By the time we shot it, she and Taylor had really bonded, and they had shot a lot of scenes together at that point. It was the loveliest, warmest environment on set. I mean, it was a very lovely, warm environment on set every day, but that day you can just see in that scene the genuine affection that these two actors have for one another. It was real.

I've always been such a fan of his [Stephen Fry] and really admired him greatly. We had had some sort of communication through other people over the years because he had seen “The Inheritance” in London. He got word to me, through our producers, how much he loved it. I had been working at one point on another film that I thought I was going to make, and when he found out that I was working on it, he was like. “I’d really love to be a small part in it if you have anything.” But I never talked to him and never met him. When this role came around [laughs], we thought, “Let's see if he really means what he says!” He jumped at it! It didn't take long at all for him to say, “Yes.” That was fun. Just to watch him and work with him is just a great thrill and a pleasure. It was for everybody. Everybody was really excited the day that he came on set.

From The Fresno Bee

“We spent about five months casting this film and looking at hundreds and hundreds of actors for these parts,” said López. When López first met Chicago native Zakhar Pérez and British actor Galitzine, “they both really, really stood out very quickly as real possibilities.” That chemistry sparked when the two met via Zoom for a script reading. “It took a long time to find them, but it was very obvious that they were our guys.”

From Windy City Times

Taylor is just a dream. He's a special person and a wonderful performer. He understood Alex implicitly. He's very different than Alex, and is shy. There's a sweetness to Taylor. He could turn himself into a human cannonball. I love that guy, and there is something about him that is so warm. It is hard to take your eyes off of him. - Matthew López

Uma came in so prepared and so eager to be there. She was happy to be a part of it and we just had the best time with her. It was a very happy set and that is thanks to Uma in many ways, too. She worked with one of the best dialect coaches in the business and she came to me with that. It was so much fun. - Matthew López

She's [Rachel Hilson] the greatest, and so much fun to work with. She had a very specific idea about who Nora was, and we got to play around with the character. She's a special talent. - Matthew López

[meanwhilemisha22]

Great news, Kamala Harris issss not a cop! She was a fucking attorney. One who developed programs to lessen the charges against 1st time drug sales offenses and developed the first environmental justice unit in her area. I'm sure her record as an attorney isn't pristine but the thing about being an attorney is it's your job to argue for arguments you may not believe in! Also, Kamala has tried to speak further on the topic of Palestine and was silenced to make sure she wasn't making Joe look bad, or whatever other reasons they had for that shit. Despite this, she has expressed sympathies for Palestine, which is a Start and is more than other cantidates can say. Also, with the ICJ rulings against Israel and the huuuge movement to free palestine from her voters, it is extremely realistic that pressure from voters will compel her to act if elected.

Also, if everyone calls for Joe to step down and be replaced by someone younger and more progressive than he is, which Kamala is, even if you wish she was More progressive, and then we do not vote for her, and she loses.... what is that going to teach the politicians? They'll learn that public outcry doesn't mean SHIT to their bottom line, because they'll never be Pristine enough to secure the young leftists vote. Also, like... who else could they even put in this late in the election cycle? Kamala is the Only one with rightful access to funds raised for Bidens campaign and there's very little time left.

She doesn't have to be perfect to be the ONLY person who could win this in the dire circumstances! Let's get her in office and then let's protest on her lawn til she has to back up the pro palestine movement! I agree that I want a more progressive president and that I want justice for Palestine, but Kamala IS a good first step because our voices will be heard by her but they will be ignored by Trump and everyone else.

You wanna help Palestine?

Get your head out of your ass and go check your voter registration status, vote Kamala, and quit spouting this privileged coddled nonsense.

Let's see what Kamala has said on Palestine...

"Let me be also very clear, as I’ve said before: We cannot conflate Hamas with the Palestinian people."

Well, we all know by now that Israels claims about Hamas are bullshit, so this is subpar but the acknowledgement of Palestinian civilians as innocents who do not deserve retaliation is a very important think to make clear.

"President Biden and I have also been clear with the Israeli government in public and in private many times: As Israel defends itself, it matters how.

The United States is unequivocal: International humanitarian law must be respected.  Too many innocent Palestinians have been killed.  Frankly, the scale of civilian suffering and the images and videos coming from Gaza are devastating. 

I have spoken with members of the Palestinian, Arab, and Muslim communities of America, including those who have lost loved ones in Gaza and American citizens who were injured and evacuated from Gaza.  It is truly heartbreaking. 

As Israel pursues its military objectives in Gaza, we believe Israel must do more to protect innocent civilians. "

Aaand once again, a distinct honoring of the international law, which since this speech was given has cracked down further on Israels cruelty and labelled it as the Genocide it is. While I would love to see more active efforts, and more challenging of the legitimacy of Israels actions, this is NOT the words of someone who gets off on Genocide.

As of when this speech was made, the genocide in Gaza has grown ever more terrifying, and we know that!! And so does Kamala. If she has the presidency, if she has a blue house majority, she will be able to be pressured to our will! I'm not calling for uncritical support of a politician, because none of them Deserve uncritical support!

We need to get her in office, and then spend the next 4 years making it DAMN CLEAR that she will support Palestine, that she will meet the demands of the progressives who voted for her or she will never be re-elected! That's how this shit works!

And in 2 years when mid terms come I'll be right back here telling everyone to go vote for the Democrats who can be swayed to favor Palestine and protect human rights, at home and internationally.

Your perfect cantidate whos just like you isn't going to fall out of the sky, you have to make your voice heard and yiu have to elect people who will listen, and if you're that fucking bothered, start involving yourself in local politics and protests and become the fucking politician you want to see.

IF YOU EVER MADE A JOKE AGAINST BIDEN

Put your vote where your mouth was and NO MATTER WHO replaces Biden, you FLOOD those polls and you vote blue.

You all got your wish, Biden stepped down NOW PROVE THAT TRUMP DIDN'T GET HANDED A VICTORY.

Whether its Kamala or someone else, no one cares, go vote. Its a matter of life and death.

[nsfwmiamiart]

Incoming Text for Jessica ‘Simply Jess’ Marquez (@iamjessmarquez):

Dear Jessica,

I know you’re mad at me for ignoring you on my blogs for the past few months.

I saw your funny attempts to make me jealous with your IG captions, especially this one: "I’m Fu@king around 🤞🏽🙃" — click on the blue link

Why are you trying to make me jealous? You know very well we broke up, and now you're trying to make me jealous with IG captions—how is that not a little pathetic?

Jessica, you know I love you, and I always will, but I have a lot of responsibilities right now. It’s better for you to live your life and find someone who can focus on you. But listen, I know you want to have children with me, and I’m down if you are. Our children would be raised in Colombia, far away from the Anti-Christ’s influence in America.

We’ll give our children Colombian roots, far from America’s racism and corruption. I’m royalty now, and the Anti-Christ despises me. That’s why I’ll have my royal family in Colombia, where there’s support from people with shared values.

I missed you too, baby! I missed our conversations, but I had to ignore you for your safety. I’m okay with you making a plan to have children with me, but you’ll give birth in Colombia, and they’ll have Colombian passports. Sofia Vergara, your elder sister, will help you navigate these decisions. She’s wiser and can help you find a way forward.

From now on, you’ll have two homes—one in America and one in Colombia. Sofia and her big family will help you maintain strength.

You’ll visit me in Alsace, France from time to time, then return to Colombia to care for our children. We should have at least five children, who will be raised as Colombians and protected by their heritage.

Somalia and Colombia will be allies in resistance, and our family will reject the Anti-Christ’s influence. If you want children with me, they won’t set foot on American soil—ever. America is under the Anti-Christ’s sway, and it’s in our best interests to cut ties with that land until the time for change comes.

You’ll be my second wife, settling in Colombia. You’ll split your time, spending four months a year in America and eight months in Colombia, where we have royal duties. That’s why I encouraged Zoe Saldana and Rosario Dawson to buy homes in Colombia, where they can keep their lives private. They’ll join you in building a solid presence from your palace there.

You should know the Anti-Christ may tempt you to join his corruption, and you’ll have to decide: are you with the Christians or the faithless? If you take his side, you’ll lose royal privileges and join those who’ve sold their souls. Choose your path wisely.

I’m being mean talking about the Anti-Christ when I know you turned down his offers long ago. You know I’m just kidding, baby! If I thought you’d side with him, I wouldn’t be making babies with you.

I know Kid Capri is like a brother to you in NYC. I used to play his mixtapes in the 90s—let him know I still have his old mixes.

I love you, Jessica! Always will. How much do you want to bet Tanaya Henry is reading this, and she’ll call you to talk smack about me again? I get it—Tanaya’s dealing with her frustrations. No hard feelings.

I could keep this chat going, but I need to get back to my blog. Running this show is like having a TV sitcom in writing form—it takes time. Also, think about using surrogate mothers to carry our children, just like Kim K and Kanye. That way, you don’t go through multiple pregnancies, but we can still have a big family. Imagine, ten children with royal titles!

Our kids will grow up in peace, in their homeland of Colombia. You’ll fly between Bogotá and Paris to visit me, then return to Colombia to be with the kids. This will be your life between the U.S., France, and Colombia.

You’re the future mother of my royal children, so prepare for the responsibilities awaiting you in Colombia. I won’t write to you daily, so don’t expect that. I’ll ignore you to keep you safe, just like I did these past months.

Say hi to Kevin Hart; he’ll be the uncle to our kids.

This chat was fun. I love you, Jessica! Have fun and big hugs.

Angelo (Crown Prince)

Here are the Instagram handles for Zoe, Rosario, and Sofia:

Zoe Saldana: @zoesaldana

Rosario Dawson: @rosariodawson

Sofia Vergara: @sofiavergara

P.S.:

Synopsis of the Letter:

In this letter, Angelo, the Somali Crown Prince, addresses his past romantic partner, Jessica, with a mixture of affection and purpose. He reflects on their connection, hinting at jealousy stirred by her Instagram posts, but ultimately expresses his loyalty. Angelo proposes they consider having children together, intending to raise them with Colombian roots to avoid the perceived corruption and prejudice in America. He emphasizes the importance of keeping their family away from American influence, which he associates with the "Anti-Christ," and insists that their future children must be born and raised in Colombia, where his allies reside.

He also encourages Jessica to seek guidance from her sister, Sofia Vergara, and assures her that close friends, Zoe Saldana and Rosario Dawson, will support her in Colombia. The letter suggests the use of surrogate mothers for ease in expanding their family. Finally, Angelo outlines the life Jessica would lead as part of his royal family, traveling between Colombia, the U.S., and France, fulfilling royal duties and maintaining a secure, loyal future.

[lesser-mook]

"Deku becomes Uraraka's servant" (Exactly my goddamn point. Servitude mentality. Macrocreep comic on youtube, for some reason. Youtube, you good with this?)

https://youtu.be/ykiHIwHwCiQ?feature=shared

See people get demonetized for cussing in the first 10 seconds (Cuss: "Damn"), striked for less, lose their channels for nothing--- but this garbage gets to be on the platform.

Ridiculous,  this generation is an embarrassment. Memes have been one of the best things to come from it, but fuuuuck at what cost.

and for no reason, and it's not their fault, they were set up to be like this.

Parenting is not a joke people. 

This is what you get when both the parents and the society the kid lives in did something horribly wrong 

 When you don’t let your child know they matter or are loved when they're small- then they remain small, conflicted, bitter, infantile, and insecure in their own minds for the rest of their life & will project that insecurity one way or another.

America had another shooting not that long ago, another reason why parenting is not a joke, and people were harmed in that event.

 Macrophilia is another result of human incompetence, societal decline and thus civilizational failure, hence why it emulates all 3 simultaneously.

 its why its so spiteful, petty, very childish & childlike and always involves boys, girls or entire cities getting bullied or destroyed:  

Societal collapse visualized and that goes right over the heads of the people pumping this crap out. Hence Propaganda doing it’s job puppeteering the weak willed, the victimized, the impressionable, the casualty, the unsuspecting, someone who deserved a better upbringing, so much better.

And as insecurity does, misery needs company. 

Now they got comic dubs, trying so hard to normalize this crap, so so hard. And the fact that it got 1Mil doesn't really bother me, only because it doesn't say anything about the macrocreepism vs the fact that they used popular characters, Deku & Ochako and how odd the title is.

"Uraraka's Servant" (hello? huh? What timeline is this? )

Remember, these two are underage btw. Minors, another thing Macrocreeps give zero shits about, they're very PDF coded, verrrrry very predatory in the "content". 

Not all of em are good with it (miraculously), but since the latter to most worship citywide genocides where kids/babies are killed anyway, not much of an upgrade is it? No matter what you do, yer on some radioactive anti-human shit.

Thus Macrocreeps tend to sexualize children and minors too often, to no one's surprise, especially in Japanese style art (Because while America is the beef of the argument burger, macrocreeps aren't isolated to America, this is a phenomenon in PRIVILEGED first world countries that take men/ & eventually women/Life for granted--- hence the fetishes entire overtone, duh).

Cough cough (shrinkhigh)*coughcough

Hence why Macrocreeps need to push their issues on every platform they can aka these insecure people (that need hugs from their parents, NOT A PLATFORM) need the world to pay attention because that's what their parents/environment likely didn't do or didn't do properly, you don't have a healthy environment and still get this this bad, for this long, & no character arc.

And then when the parents got it right or halfway, then society comes along & unravels most of that anyway, because children tend to regress a little, when we all leave the nest and get a taste of independence, we've all done it, we've all sampled something just because we could. It's normal.

But bouncing back and not making it a habit is where the adulting kicks in.

And again, it's less about macrocreeps this time and moreso it amazes me that YOUTUBE allows these adorable goofballs to dump their baggage here on the platform.

But the slightest thing to a joke 10 years later can get striked because of a TOS change, a warning for the "n word" in a boondocks clip which is just comedy in context, that gets administrative attention.

But THIS gets left alone tho. And i've seen some genocide shit get left alone on YT

HUH?! The fact that it exists on current YT, same Youtube that axed a bunch of channels, silences channels, shadowbans. The same Ad-Friendly youtube.

And that some of it is reuploaded when I assume because it got rightfully taken down (because some ppl need their genocide porn available for everyone not on a forum board but on a platform children use, THANKS pal, you're my hero. <3)

why is the n word as a joke not allowed when said by a black character, but GENOCIDE is A-ok.

But "what about the children" right youtube? I've even seen Fetishy Ai Ads on my shit.

Like what the fuck.

Make up your minds Youtube, do you give a shit or not. Decide.

Comment: “Shouldn’t uraraka feel bad “

re: EXACTLY THEY ARE FRIENDSSSS

Guys, you have to understand how most of these people operate.

Ochako is not going to feel empathy or compassion, because the author possesses neither one of those traits when they're in auto-pilot. They're projecting trauma & propaganda installed into them from their culture, not humanity.

Because if they were projecting humanity or a genuine story, they wouldn't be a macrocreep to begin with and would just make a fancomic or fic expanding the MHA lore creatively/ no fetishism strings attached--

legitimately like a normal person.

They’re in auto-pilot projecting deep seeded misandrist/misogynist propaganda and emotional issues.

keyword: AUTO-pilot, the propaganda is speaking through them, whatever pain/confusion/trauma/socio-upset/or faulty imprint they internalized- that's what's being communicated. That's what's doing the talking.

The artist doesn't give a single shit about character accuracy. I promise you. They’re likely not fans, they’re just borrowing the characters because the characters showed up in a passing thought, and now they're going to make their dayfeverdream everyone's business.

Many hate themselves for being insecure/ & possibly male (because naturally, what other signals are boys supposed to take when their society constantly tells them there's something wrong with them) and so they make macabre & art that ridicules them for being weak.

They're creating their own diss, *ba dum tish

And the characters have to represent that self-hatred or superiority complex/narcissism/weakness/pain/ propaganda.

 This is 100% projection, as macropcreepism is in a nutshell, not expression, projection, overcompensation.

  This isn't about the characters, people. Never has been.

This is about them 100%, OP repeating the same narrative, the same propaganda.

How do I know? Cause I guaran-fucking TEE you they've made other comics with different characters but the exact same "ANT bully" bullshit scenario, but without the character arc that Lucas got by the end of the movie.

Because insecurity of the fetishism disorder category, never evolves, it never grows up, it only sheds it's skin for a new polished one but says the exact same shit aka Suspended development.

The proof is in the pudding, and these guys have gotten so bold, so comfortable they're making the case for me exposing themselves, even on Youtube, YOUTUBE.

I don't even have to do anything. and thankfully, I'm not the only one pushing back, thank fuckin' Christ. We're not totally a lost cause.

 This isn't about Deku or Uraraka, this is about a damaged/battered human being needing the world to pay attention to them for being damaged, because again--- that's what their parents/environrment didn't to do properly, pay attention in the first place.

The human brain is not complicated.

    This is why empathy and compassion is a necessity in a child's life in the home AND SOCIETY, it’s not a woman thing. You get this crap when something is missing in a person, not always broken, but missing, twisted, warped, charred.

Society (You, Me, anyone holding the other accountable) is part of the parenting process too. It doesn't stop when you turn 18.

If it does for many of us, that explains a lot as to why people act like they have no goddamn sense.

It's the fact that this was likely a grownass adult projecting insecurities, and that manifested as a minor sexually abusing another minor. It's the 'human being' skill issue for me.

Parenting is not a joke, neither is community, not the word "community" these online cults & fandoms use, but actual community that raises children. If that made a comeback on a large scale, infrastructure protecting children, neighbors opening up, giving the the little ones mentors, healthy environment, skills passed on.

bruh, could fix sooooo many problems across the globe if people would stop having kids to have them and birth to raise and train emotionally/utility competent adults. Holy shit.

[alittlebirdgirl]

My previous therapist had told me that I was a child being raised by an entire village, being raised by everyone around. My current therapist tells me that I was a child raised by no one, that my many mothers did not equate to a single, whole mother. 

List of mother’s I’ve had: my biological mother, my aunt Kico, my mother’s assistants Antonella and Joanna, and my nanny Meijing. 

Meijing is beautiful, despite how often she calls herself ugly. She has a sharply carved face and a huge mouth that widens into a booming laugh so big, it grows into her eyes. She is brimming with joy, always, like a glass of water filled a little too full, that rumbles and spills her happiness everywhere she goes. But when she’s sad, she’s very, very sad. Her tears flow uncontrolled and her losses are felt heavy in the air. Meijing knows this, so she hides when she is sad. The first time I saw her cry was when I was eleven. 

She had just gotten off the phone with her daughter, or maybe her husband, or maybe her sister. I’m not sure. But it was someone from her family, in her hometown. Meijing is from a small, countryside village somewhere in Fujian, where there is no electricity or running water. I think the person on the phone with her was her husband, because he was telling her to come home. Meijing later told me that this wasn’t the first time he had called, begging her to return. Meijing had left her small village to come to Xiamen, when I was two months old. Her daughter was eight years old. She had come to make money to send back home, to take care of her family. But now, it was over ten years that Meijing had lived in the city of Xiamen, mothering and loving a privileged, mixed girl, that she said she loved more than her own daughter. 

I always knew that one day I would leave China, and therein fact, leave Meijing. I spent my life fantasizing about what America would be like, while simultaneously fearing what would happen to Meijing after I’d gone. Meijing and I would dream together, about how I would convince my parents to get her a plane ticket to New York to visit me, or when I made enough money myself I could buy her a little apartment in Xiamen. Xiamen had become her home, and I, her daughter. 

My mother mother was a busy woman. As a child, I watched her rush from work to home to a dinner party, from the airport to the kitchen to my study. She moved through everything quickly, places and emotions alike. I remember admiring this quality of hers, the swiftness in which she lived. I called her supermom at times. 

My mother mother wanted me to be famous. Heck, I wanted to be famous. She built me a makeshift stage at home, in our living room, so I could carry out my singing and dancing performances in the most dramatic fashion. I was always singing and dancing, it’s all I wanted to do, all the time. I would spend hours singing at the karaoke television, fantasizing about how one day I would go to a performing arts school, and be discovered just like Tori Vega from Victorious. I would google “Disney auditions for tweens” or variations of that. I read somewhere that the lead actor in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie got the role because he sent a letter to the book’s author. So I emailed the author of my favorite fairy-related book series Rainbow Magic and said that should the series ever become a television show, to please consider me, Isabella Chan, to play one of the Fashion Fairies. 

Despite my own unending belief, I was not a talented child. I couldn’t sing, nor could I dance. I had terrible grades. I never could and still cannot read music despite playing the piano almost everyday for seven years. I had out-of-school lessons for everything. And I sucked at most of it for a long time. 

I still sing, all the time. And my brother, as brothers do, often told me to shut up in many different ways. Sometimes he would just plainly demand it, but usually that would result in me spitefully scream-singing the song, further annoying the shit out of him. He later became more calculated in the way he told me to shut up. He made fun of the breathiness in my voice and how hard I tried to sound good. To be fair, from his perspective, he was a twelve-year-old boy that had to hear his nine-year-old sister belt out the entire Avril Lavigne album The Best Damn Thing, for several hours on end. 

Things I was put in classes for from the age of two to twelve: ballet, piano, painting, French, and cello, on top of the extra tutoring for school-related classes like math and Chinese. 

Even when I was a child, when I would ask Meijing why all the other kids would have their parents at every holiday assembly, every band performance, every science fair, I was asking in genuine curiosity. No part of myself felt like a martyr, nor did I feel a single ounce of self-pity. I only knew that if you wanted people to come to your performances, it had to be important enough and you had to be talented enough. 

I started learning ballet at the age of two. I have the memory in my mind of me learning for years, yet my body has completely forgotten, with no idea how to move in those ways anymore. I wonder what I learnt in all those years, if I had even progressed at all. Or what a two-year-old could possibly even learn in ballet class. They’re already fleshy and flexible, balls that bend into a complete split.

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Farmers' Market

A big part of why I started blogging in the first place was that I realized that the internet in recent times has become, for lack of a better term, dumbed down with academic cred. I see graphics of quotes from well known intellectuals of the past and sometimes present reposted ad nauseam all the time. The implication of intellectual engagement with the least amount of effort.

The fact that this is so common—and that I often see the same platitudes posted by multiple people across the span of a few days—feels very endemic of the current state of online discourse. Radically minded thinkers putting up their hands and putting their fingers to the keyboard in an emphatic burst of passion...only to share a doom-confirming quotation from a source seen as reliable, with any additional commentary boiling down to an annoyingly exasperated sigh and "yep". That's not even two words.

Where do we go as a country when the best commentary we can muster on our society is someone else's theory regurgitated verbatim with little thought regarding the content as long as it sets off nicey bells in our heads? In today's America, we choose a side and ride it 'til we die, only activating those wonderful Critical Thinking Skills when it's to demonize someone who even slightly leans towards the opposition. That's not freedom of thought. That's mental slavery. Your freedom is the price you pay to come off to your friends as "right".

It is almost as if this glory of proving yourself "right" to the nebulous entity that is whoever may be observing you at any given time, outweighs the formation of actual solution and action that can lead to the solutions you want. It's a damn shame that the legacy of these smart-whipped creatives who wrote the originals, if we keep sitting on our asses, is going to be "all we did in reaction was sigh".

In our interactions with the wider world we always see ourselves as the little guy. This transcends any sort of societal status or access to privileges; everyone loves to be a victim. Because of this we embrace negativity and wallow in it. If ignorance is bliss, then abject suffering must mean we are intelligent, and intelligence equals righteousness. We conduct ourselves to these standards of being the most "right" to such a degree that we simply don't take action. Action is normally messy. Individually crafted politics are inherently so. Getting mustard on your sweatshop-new, hackney-slogan t-shirt isn't a good look.

This is because we have taught ourselves that humans have an apex and we ourselves, to ourselves, are that apex. It's the mythos of the little girl getting depressed by her peaches and cream Barbie, except we are are the little girl and the doll simultaneously. We plasticize ourselves because we are faced against not just established systems of power and economics but the will of human nature itself, and not much can be done to radically alter the not so skillfully applied makeup of humankind. We are still humans underneath all the buildup, vested with the history proven capacity to make radical good and to make radical evil, though we often forget the latter attribute since we don't like thinking about scary things and prefer reducing anyone who doesn't agree with us to a subhuman, a fascist ball of primordial ooze. (As if we're not collectively swimming in it.)

It's much easier to blame everything on a redneck who lives five states away. Obviously the blame is on the big guy only as it applies to the little guy, but the other kind of little guy than you. This is unity, right? This is getting things done?

When we prune ourselves over like this for others we deny ourselves the do, because doing requires room for error and failure, and belly flopping isn't the "right" thing to do. So we become complacent to what ails us instead. We may know the truth that the people running the asylum are the real crazies, but we're so obsessed with proving our own manufactured sanity that we can't let ourselves be seen as even 1/24 delirious. But you have to be a little unhinged to have the ambition to actually try. You have to let that side of yourself be seen.

But ambition isn’t a good look. It gets you looked at funny at best and gets you locked up at worst. So we call for our armchair revolutions all the while.

If we keep up this lethargy then maybe the only solution is to keep our eyes peeled to the heap of melted plastic as it slowly disintegrates into the landfill earth. To keep doing the same thing we’ve been doing. Half life after half life.

But it does not have to be this way.

[inkblotgalaxies]

This is absolutely fascinating, especially as an Italian American reading this. It goes without saying, but at this point in time those of Italian heritage in America and most certainly thrown into the “White” category along with WASP demographics. And that is completely valid because like — yeah, we benefit from the same privileges as any other white person at this point, save for getting made fun of for long and sometimes hard to pronounce last names.

But something I always grew up hearing from my father was the otherness of Italians when they first started coming to the United States — people not getting into certain schools because “they didn’t want a WAP as a student” (that is a direct family quote, please take that with a grain of salt). There was a definite otherness regarding our darker features and complexions and the poor living situations many were forced to live in in cities like Manhattan. It’s the white-but-not-white-enough situation.

It still lingers in a lot of ways with Mediterranean ethnicities, I think. My cousin is Greek and her and I both grew up with people making fun of our last names because nobody could pronounce them (or, if they could, they could not spell them). We were constantly aware of how we had more body hair or, at the very least, more visible body hair than our friends. I got saved the ridicule regarding food (because I grew up in a part of the country in which Italian food was intensely normal, and I would argue it just is across the board in the United States), but my cousin would most certainly get a side eye or two regarding the food she would eat with family, or how “weird” her Church was. For years and years and YEARS I put so much pride in having an Irish-English mother, and how that side of the gene pool helped me to be really pale in complexion. I wanted blue eyes desperately and waited with bated breath to see if my eyes would turn green like my mother’s did as she got older.

I mean, hell, there are running jokes across the Internet about how Italians aren’t real. People make fun of the cadence of the Italian language all of the time (the Mario Bros. as a franchise doesn’t exactly help with that, but it’s… Mostly harmless). Myself and my cousin’s families are constantly criticized for being loud (for “yelling” all of the time), for having massive families, for the way we treat said families. We live with this “yes, but slightly to the left” mentality.

Are Italian-Americans nearly as othered as they were was LMA wrote Little Women? Absolutely the fuck not. It’s a point I constantly have to bring up in family gatherings, even. There is a part of me, though, that adores that Laurie is technically me in a lot of ways — half Italian, half Anglo (based off of “Laurence” as a surname). But you make a fantastic point in the inclusion of him and his white-otherness in context.

Which is why it is so fascinating that I, a modern reader who only saw the most recent adaptation movie before picking up the book in my twenties, read Laurie and went “oh, shit, he’s Black or Southeast Asian”! Because the language used to describe an Italian or Mediterranean heritage back in the 1860’s is now the language one would use to describe someone of Black or SEA descent. That is fascinating and makes me love literature even more because interpretations shift. Isn’t that wonderful? It is entirely possible that the original intention went over many people’s heads as it nearly did mine (I sort of had a feeling about the Italian thing while reading, but again, it was historical brain versus modern brain going “hey, neat!), but it’s so cool to learn about the original intention post-script, too. It’s unlocking further context and I love that. And I love that it makes me feel seen, in a way.

[Edit: which is WHY I want, going forward, for them to cast a person of color in his role or, at the very least, someone with a darker complexion. A mixed-race individual as we see it through a modern lens would be perfect for that “white but not quite white ENOUGH” mentality.]

(Also, per your tag commentary, there is no problem being incensed about it. I think it’s fantastic and I do hope that my own rambling comes off coherent enough, ahaha. ALSO also, bonus points for the note regarding shifting versions of masculinity, but that is another topic all together!!)

@thatscarletflycatcher

This is at BEST a lukewarm take but like… We’re all in agreement that the FIRST person to most easily be cast as a person of color in any future Little Women adaptation is Theodore “Laurie” Laurence, right?

The guy is literally described as having brown skin, big, black eyes, and black curls. I legitimately thought he was written as Black or Southeast Asian until the word “Italian” came up in the book. (And this is coming from a woman whose literal father is a Sicilian Italian with a darker features!)

Don’t get me wrong, you could easily make any of the characters POC if you wanted to — ESPECIALLY if you’re going the modernization route with your adaptation — but I’m just saying. Laurie is by far the first candidate, in my mind.

[wwinterwitch]

I love your stories with Kate Bishop, truly. I was wondering if you could write one where Kate is an absolute mess around the reader, like she gets shy and kinda clumsy because she has the biggest crush. And they are friends, not close friends but y'know, Kate is scared to say something and ruin what little relationship they have. Then one day they are at a party or something and end up playing that 7 minutes in heaven game, and Kate gets stuck with reader, so now trapped in a tiny closet with her crush she kinda panics. Can we have the reader ending up kissing her? And for a dash of angst, Kate cries a bit because she never thought she would like her back

I loved this request!! hope y'all like it <3 I included a few of the young avengers bc why not, they're amazing

7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN - KATE BISHOP

summary: during a game of 7 minutes in heaven, you and kate share your true feelings

pairing: kate bishop x gn!reader

word count: 2K

warnings: unshared feelings, awkward kate (obviously!), fluff and a little angst

a reblog is always appreciated!

my masterlist

Kate was about to faint the moment America told her you were attending tonight's party. Of course she should've guessed you were going to be there, given pretty much everyone was invited.

Still, she was very nervous to see you. It was evident that she has a massive crush on you, but it seems like you're completely unaware of it. Since you're not exactly best friends, you thought she was just shy or had trouble talking to people she wasn't that close with. That was both a relief and a nightmare. She could still be around you knowing you're unaware of her feelings for you, but sometimes she wishes you could just figure it out already and let her down gently if you don't feel the same. The thought of ever facing you to confess such a thing paralyzed her.

That's coming from someone who literally fought the biggest Mafia boss with the help of her all-time idol. How is that not nearly as terrifying as confessing her feelings to the person she likes?

"You have nothing to worry about," America assured her just hours before the party. "They have no idea you like them."

"Yes, but I know!" replied her friend, freaking out more and more as seconds passed. "I know, and I know when I look at them, and when they talk to me, and-".

"Can I say something?" she cuts Kate off. "You're being very dramatic right now. If you're that scared, just...don't talk to them."

"Is that what you do when you like someone?"

"I'm a lesbian, Kate. I don't get that privilege. Usually when I meet a girl I like I just tell her."

"And aren't you afraid of getting rejected?"

America smiled. "Did I mention I'm a lesbian?"

"Right," Kate muttered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Look, just try to have fun and if things get too scary you can always come upstairs and take some time to calm down, okay? They're not going to eat you, Kate."

She really appreciated to have America there to calm her down. Not like Wiccan, Hulkling or Kid Loki would give her much help on this one. They were all pretty good friends, but she's not sure she can share that much with them just yet. Despite Kate being a very bubbly, sociable and talkative girl, her most personal stuff is reserved only to a few people. That few people mainly consists on America and Clint.

The party eventually started and so far Kate was doing fine. She was with Wiccan and Kid Loki playing video games on one side on the spacious living room of the Young Avengers' Compound. She saw you enter the party with a group of your friends and greet America, but as soon as you arrived you sat on a completely different post of the room with your friends and didn't even bother to look towards her direction.

It wasn't until the trio got up from their spot by the television and walked closer to your group to get a few drinks that you finally noticed her. It was just a quick glance as you were scanning the room to see who else was at the party, that you two made eye contact. It was really just a quick glance, but for Kate it lasted hours.

"Guys!" America called. Just then Kate noticed her sitting with your group. "We're playing truth or dare, want to join?"

"What are we, five year-olds?" Kid Loki joked.

"Judging by the way you behave sometimes, I'd say you are in fact a toddler," America snapped back sarcastically, earning a chuckle from the group and a smirk from him.

"Lucky I like you, Chavez," he replied, taking a seat next to her. 

"Who's turn is it?" Wiccan asked, also joining. That gave Kate no option but to stay.

"Since you three are new..." America said, looking in between her three friends.

"Alright, I'll go," Kid Loki quickly said. "Kate, truth or dare?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Kate's eyes practically flew to your direction like she somehow just got busted on her little secret. As if just with the implication of "truth or dare" you were going to be able to discover her feelings for you.

Feeling more trapped than ever in her entire life (yes, even when she fought a Mafia boss!), Kate considered her options. "Uh...dare?"

Kid Loki smiled innocently at her, which was never a good sign coming from that little devil. "I dare you to spend 7 minutes in heaven with...the person sitting across from you."

Immediately, all eyes traveled to your direction. Looking incredibly unbothered by it all, you let out a quick laugh. "Guess that's me."

Kate didn't know what to say at first, feeling like she could die right on that couch. As you were standing up from your seat, Kate sent a death glare in Kid Loki's direction, to which he only shrugged, that smile still plastered on his face. Wiccan and America were trying to hold back their laughter at the situation, though Kate noticed America trying to give her comfort once again, giving her a few pats on her back before she stood up as well.

"Where?" Kate asked.

"You can use that closet," Kid Loki pointed at one corner of the room. "We just keep cleaning supplies in there."

"Great," you said. "Is someone going to count?"

"Yup. I have the timer right here," one of your friends said, showing their phone to your direction.

Having nothing else to add, you and Kate headed towards the closet Kid Loki had pointed out just now. You opened the door for Kate to walk in first and you followed. As soon as you closed the light, you two were surrounded by nothing but darkness.

"Shit. Does this closet have any lights?"

"Yeah, there should be a light switch somewhere on this wall..."

You stood still as you waited for Kate to find it. As she moved, you noticed there was barely any space for the two of you to stand without touching, so that also encouraged you not to move so you would bump into her. 

Kate seemed to find the light switch, but the light wouldn't turn on, meaning you had to remain in darkness for the remaining minutes you had to stay there.

"Great," Kate muttered. "Sorry I dragged you into this."

"Oh, no it's fine," you quickly reassured her. "Sorry I didn't say hi to you before, I didn't see you when I got here."

"Don't worry about it. I mean, we have like six more minutes to say hello all we want."

You giggled at her comment. "Yeah, it seems so. It is kinda weird to be here just standing in the dark, right?"

Kate felt her entire face burning and, not knowing what took over her, she managed to find enough courage to reply, "Actually, I feel a lot calmer with the lights off."

"Really?" you asked. "Do I make you nervous, Kate Bishop?"

She knew you were joking. She knew she shouldn't be taking this seriously. It's a stupid dare that one of her stupid friends came up with. This means nothing. To you it means nothing. You're just trying to be nice and avoid staying the remaining minutes inside the closet a boring experience for the two of you.

They.are.not.flirting.

Since Kate wasn't answering, you let out a quick chuckle. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm as nervous as you right now."

Kate was speechless. "You...what?"

"Oh, don't make me say it," you replied. "You know what I mean."

"No, no. I really don't know what you mean," she insisted. Panic was taking over her as she begin thinking about what was going on. Is this really happening?

"Well, since this is seven minutes in heaven, might as well play the game right..." you muttered, more to yourself than intended for Kate to hear. That was your way to give you confidence on a time like this. "I might have a tiny crush on you. Not a big deal or anything, it's just...you're cute."

No way this is actually happening. 

Kate tried to say something, but she couldn't think of anything to say. Or maybe she just had so many thoughts and emotions that it was impossible for her to focus on what to say. She was in complete disbelief, because she seriously didn't expected you would ever be into her. You never really gave her any signs so she could figure it out on her own, either.

Since you really couldn't see her face that much due to the darkness, her silence was not exactly a good sign. "I made this awkward, didn't I?"

"What? No. No, not at all. I'm just surprised."

"Surprised?"

"Yeah. I just...I never expected you'd like me."

"What is there not to like? You're a badass superhero with a bow and arrow, and you're incredibly funny and nice."

"You are funny and nice," she corrected. "As for the superhero part, can't say much. That is definitely my area."

That once again made you laugh. "So...not trying to get the wrong impression or anything, but do you like, do you also like me or something?"

"Uh, yeah. I definitely like you or something," she replied as if it was obvious, her heart almost jumping out of her chest.

"Cool," was all you could say, feeling your face burning from embarrassment. After a few seconds in silence, you spoke again, "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

There was a brief silence. "Sure. Yeah."

Her awkward response made you smile. In the darkness, you reached until your hand found the side of her face. Using that to guide you, it was only seconds before your lips met Kate's, sharing your very first kiss together. She was incredibly gentle with you, her hands resting at each side of your body. It was you the one guiding the kissing as she completely gave in, willing to receive your kiss for as long as you would allow it. When you pulled away, you rested your forehead against hers, simply enjoying the moment you two just had. However, worry took over you when you realized Kate started to silently cry.

"Is everything okay?" you asked gently, moving just enough to give her some space.

"Yeah, it's just...it's me. I'm a mess."

"You're not..."

"I am," she insisted. "I've just always felt so alone. Didn't really have anyone there for me, you know? Not like this, anyway," Kate added, sobbing. "You're the first person that has ever liked me that way, I...I don't know. I guess I started to believe I wasn't meant for the romance thing."

"Kate, you've got to be the coolest person I have ever met. How no one has ever told you how incredible you are is beyond me," you replied, making sure to clean the few tears still rolling down her cheeks. "And if you give me the chance, I promise I'll always be there to remind you every single day just how lucky I am to have you."

Kate chuckled softly, a hint of her previous crying still audible behind that laugh. She could easily continue crying, but this time out of pure happiness to hear you say that. "I'd really like that," she replied shortly after. "A-And maybe we can have lunch together tomorrow? Like a date, I mean. I think that's better than kissing inside a closet."

"Yeah, I think anything beats the closet," you quickly agreed, earning another chuckle from her. 

"TIME'S OUT LOVEBIRDS!" you heard America shouting from outside the closet.

"You're okay to go out?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Can I kiss you before we leave?"

"No need to ask," you said, leaning closer to her for yet another kiss. This time, Kate got enough courage to grab the back of your neck as you kissed, getting more comfortable around you.

"So, how did it go?" Wiccan asked, the whole group looking at the two of you. You could tell they were expecting to hear something good.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kate replied sarcastically, walking towards the group as if nothing had happened. Like she wasn't just kissing you seconds before the door was opened.

"What happens in the closet, stays in the closet," you added.

"So something happened," America points out.

Kate shrugged, failing to hide her smile when her eyes landed on you. "Who's turn is it now?".

[defilerwyrm]

Queer Exandria: Pride vs Prejudice

You know what I think about sometimes? The hypothetical state of a queer community in Exandria.

Pop off all the pithy platitudes about oppression not defining queerness that you want, but the queer communities of Earth do, as a matter of fact, stem from our oppression. We travel in packs for safety. We made spaces and symbols for ourselves because we were not welcome in most places and we needed to be able to identify each other—for companionship, for love, for sex, for someone who understood—without being overt enough to be, you know, murdered and/or experimented on by our respective countries. We formed whisper networks. We built safe havens, because the world at large was not safe—and it’s not now, but in many countries it’s just about the safest it’s ever been since certain religions infested the planet. The privilege of being openly queer, of being out and proud, without being arrested for it is very recent.

So we’ve banded together for centuries, first in little groups, then in larger communities, and for most of that time it was all underground. When a group is forced to build communities under duress, under threat of violence from the state and the public alike, that builds strong bonds. It forms a sense of cohesive identity. Just look at Black culture in America, or Ashkenazi Jewish culture around the world: when everyone else is against you, and they have the power and bloody-minded vicious hatred to pick off anyone they can, the group by and large sticks together, close enough that culture forms. A shoal beset by sharks schools closest. And make no mistake, I love the queer community, and I’m boundlessly, depthlessly thankful to live in a time when I can exist as a queer person openly without losing my job, my home, my family, my freedom, my life, and that so many others like me can do the same; I am glad that we’ve come to a point where we can afford to be quarrelsome. These are merely the facts of how we came to be.

I don’t think a queer community wouldn’t exist without oppression, either. People will always seek out those like us, especially when it comes to matters of sex and romance, or even lack thereof. In a more perfect world, one without all the various stripes of queerphobia that make it unsafe for us to congregate among those we don’t know are either like us or supportive of us, I imagine we would be something more akin to book clubs or fandoms: a purely optional community, or set of communities, united by a likeness of “interest” rather than sheltering from a storm.

So enter Exandria, a setting that canonically does not have queerphobic power structures; where a fluidity of sex and gender factors heavily into at least one entire culture; where another culture is shaped and ruled by people who can remember being a variety of sexes, genders, orientations, and even species; where homophobes are distasteful outliers, not the status quo. What does the queer community look like there? Are there gay bars, or are there just bars? Is it common for queer Exandrians to congregate in friends groups among themselves? They certainly don’t need to, but I can still imagine some might want to, and besides, it’s common enough for people to have multiple circles of friends—at least those with the privilege of reaching a large number of people. Is there such a thing as gay fashion, or is clothing loosely-gendered enough that cross-dressing is just dressing? Are there drag queens & kings? How do non-binary Exandrians signal their gender? I can’t imagine there’s an equivalent of a hanky code, because that was constructed as a way for queer men to find and hook up with each other in a way that gave them plausible deniability because sex between men was a crime. What use would they have for Pride and all its symbols when no one has ever tried to make them feel ashamed?

I think about these things a normal amount

[wondereads]

Personal Review (08/28/22)

If You Could See the Sun by Ann Liang

Why am I reviewing this book?

Thank you to Inkyard Press and Netgalley for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review! This book first caught my eye around a month ago, and the premise really intrigued me. I then saw a post from the author about ARCs now being available, so I tried my hand and was approved!

Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Alice Sun attends Airington, a prestigious international private school for the ultra-rich, on a scholarship. As talented and academically gifted as she is, it isn't enough, and she finds out she'll soon have to leave Airington. This news coincides with another revelation: Alice can turn invisible. She can't control when and she doesn't know how, but she decides to capitalize on her invisibility by teaming up with her academic rival, Henry Li, to complete tasks from her classmates to raise funds for her tuition. However, as the stakes start to rise, Alice must decide how far she's willing to go for money.

This book takes a tried and true concept and adds something new to it by bringing in a supernatural element. Now, I'll be honest, anything that involves an elite private school I will eat up every time, so I am a little biased. However, I do think this book stands out from the crowd. Alice has very good reasons for not wanting to leave Airington. Leaving would mean going to a regular school in China and having to face the gaokao, a notoriously rigorous and stressful test required for college attendance, or moving back to America, where she would be unlikely to be able to complete her IB curriculum and would face racism on the daily. Combine that with her desperation to make something of herself, especially when constantly compared to children with the world handed to them on a platter, the tension is there. Even if Alice's methods were dubious, I wanted her to succeed in the end.

In my opinion, the story does get a little slow around the middle, but it's necessary for Alice's guilt to slowly build and overtake her. I loved the comparisons between her and Macbeth, especially since English is something she cares about. Seeing Alice's gradual downfall as the stress and her conscience creep up on her really kept me on the edge of my seat; I knew she was going to crack, but when?

The only negative thing I can think of is the ending. I don't know, I was just expecting something more severe. On one hand, I'm happy for Alice since I was genuinely attached to her, but on the other, I wish the story had explored the negative effects of this sort of thing to a greater extent. Also, as would be expected in a private school full of children of the 1%, it is a little unrealistic. From aspiring idols to kidnapping plots to truly insane amounts of money being thrown around, expect some crazy antics from the students.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

As someone who constantly regrets missing out on social activities and extracurriculars due to my obsession with academics but without it would never have stood a chance of getting into college, Alice hits a little too close to home. She's clever, talented, and driven, but she lacks the privilege of her peers and as such has developed a huge inferiority complex. Her character development as she takes her ploy for tuition too far is very well done, and her constant worry and stress were palpable. She's a character that's easy to root for, even when we know she's in the wrong.

Alice's dynamic with Henry was also just fun to read about. Academic rivals are my bread and butter, and Alice and Henry were pretty much everything I love about the concept. I will admit, Henry is a bit of a stereotype for the genre. He's the heir to a huge company that seems like everything comes easily to him but actually puts a lot of work in, especially due to pressure from his parents. However, as much as I loved the romantic subplot, to me, this book was wholly about Alice and her struggle for greatness. Still, I can appreciate how Henry is a stellar, supportive love interest.

In terms of side characters, I would like to especially discuss Alice's parents, her aunt, and Mr. Chen, her English teacher. They all share one thing in common—they are authority figures in Alice's life that truly care for her. It was just so touching to read about the ways they supported Alice, and they also brought an interesting aspect to the story. Despite their unconditional support, Alice still feels as though she is always disappointing them and that she owes them for their help. It was an intriguing concept to cover that even though Alice technically had the support she needed, her environment and personality as a result of that kept her from reaching out.

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I think the descriptions of Alice's emotional and mental well-being are the stars of the show in this case. Her constant anxiety adds a lot to the story; it made my stakes in the story grow, and it was visceral at times. As someone who is prone to episodes of intense panic, Alice's reactions were both heartwrenching and realistic. This book did a very good job of showing not telling when it came to this.

I will say that the physical descriptions were pretty average. Nothing particularly stood out to me, and I do wish Alice's own appearance had been more detailed. On the other hand, I can perfectly picture Henry due to Alice's constant attention to him (which is pure rivalry and definitely never to be mistaken for attraction). I did like the ending paragraph quite a bit and the way it tied back to both the title and the overarching theme of the book.

Meaning 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Something I really appreciated about this book was how it made it clear that money is undeniably something important. The message isn't that Alice should stop reaching above her station and be content where she is; Alice's financial situation is what got her into the mess in the first place. The message is that Alice (and others like her) deserve better, but while they work towards a better life they shouldn't forget what makes that life worth living in the first place, be it family, friends, or personal passion, all things Alice has lost sight of. In the end, Alice's friends use their privilege to help her, and they are not villainized for having that privilege nor is she villainized for desiring it.

I do wish this book had gone a little deeper on the class divide, especially between Henry and Alice. There's potential for a very big fallout there around Henry not understanding why Alice cares about money so much. I can see why it was maybe excluded or glossed over, but it would have been so interesting to see Henry in particular grapple with Alice's reality.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Like I said before, this book takes a story that's been done many times before and executes it well with extra elements that help it stand out. Alice's invisibility brings depth to both the plot and her character, which is well-developed. Her dynamic with Henry is so much fun, and I was able to genuinely root for her the whole time despite her dubious decisions. While I do wish the story had dug into the class divide a bit more, this was overall a very good book, especially for a debut, that I thoroughly enjoyed!

The Author

Ann Liang: Chinese Australian, If You Could See the Sun is her debut novel, and she is currently in college

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every week, and I do themed recommendations every once in a while. I take suggestions! Check out my about me post for more!

[neovisioned]

♡ꜜ cupid victorious﹫jaehyun jung

pairing : jaehyun x reader (f) ft. doyoung, jungwoo, yukhei, mark, taeyong and sicheng as the six other cupids, quick mention of seventeen’s jeonghan as jaehyun’s old tutor and red velvet’s joy as the reader’s close friend.

genre : angst, fluff, another smut with too much plot, cupid!jaehyun, soulmate!au, strangers to friends to lovers.

warnings : slow burn, one protected sex scenes, two unprotected sex scenes (as always, stay safe in real life) : heavy making out, dirty talk, body worship, praising, nipple play, penetration, marking, cock warming, morning sex, shower sex, manhandling, degradation, oral (make receiving), face fucking, creampie, fingering, overstimulation, heavy making out in an elevator, they can’t keep their hands off of each other at some point, mentions of sexting (again, in real life know the precautions to take before sending anything risqué) and non descriptive masturbation scene, car sex, semi-public sex, grinding, oral (female receiving), tongue fucking, edging, hair pulling, slight ass play, mention of spanking, slight impreg kink and cum play. 

word count : +26,5k

synopsis: where Jung Jaehyun is one of the seven cupids, one for each continent, and he truly, deeply loves what he does for the small people on planet earth. there isn’t any competition between him and his six other brothers, but most would agree that he’s the best cupid among them. and yet, he’s been stuck on a case for a bit too long now. down on the pretty blue planet, is you. equally as pretty, Jaehyun has to say, yet it seems his arrows aren’t working on you. being a hard-working and pretty stubborn cupid, he decides to take a trip downtown to get to know you better and why exactly, are his arrows not working like they’re supposed to. things don’t go as planned, especially when you take interest in him. 

a/n: please read this i just, this lowkey means a lot to me, this isn’t proofread and, peep my weak attempt at giving jaehyun pink eyes, this takes place in seoul. taglist : @coffeeofmine​, @mailuvsnct​, @junguws​, @suhweo​, @suhfluffy​, @animegirl366​, @ceruleanskies​, @the-universe-in-you-jjh

Jaehyun loves what he does. He wouldn’t even dare call it a job, rather, a vocation, a strong feeling that he was meant for this. The young men had been trained to become one of the seven Cupids when the old ones retired for other adventures. The legend says the old Cupids are eventually reborn on Earth for a more ordinary life after their service on Olympus. He also remembers being taught by the previous Cupid of the continent he was assigned to, a young-looking men with graceful and delicate features, long greyish hair that matched his silver bow. 

Quickly, he learned that Jeonghan - his tutor at the time - was somewhat a vicious Cupid. He knew how to make his job even more fun, taking young Jaehyun alongside him for adventures he could then brag about to the six other apprentices. The brunette remembers watching as his eldest shot arrows at two strangers, two best friends, two rivals, even. But never, never did he let Jaehyun touch one of his arrows, he was only allowed to watch from the high pedestal of a fluffy cloud, or draped in a soft sheet of invisibility. 

Out of the seven continents, Europe was given to Taeyong. One of the smallest, but prettiest, the Cupids all agreed. Taeyong was a cupid with sharp features, hair as red as his beloved bow. After travelling in every country and city, he, himself, fell in love with Paris without the need of any arrows. Taeyong eventually ended up making too many people fall in love in this very city after staying there a bit too much.

Mark, one of the youngest Cupids, was assigned to North America. What a huge continent for such a small frame, was what Jaehyun thought when they were first assigned. But, the brunette had to admit, Mark grew up a lot, Jaehyun didn’t have a single doubt that he had the shoulders for it now more than ever. The young men had a lot of fun with his blue bow, that’s for sure, and he made sure to tell every juicy story at the end of the day with the same contagious smile. 

South America was given to Yukhei. Another with sharp features who was more than happy to oblige. The Cupid was adventurous, loved going to secluded areas and learning more, loved a good sunbath after a day of work when he had the time. His green bow never had a chance to rest, though, it’s like he had a competition with Taeyong on who could shoot more arrows in a week.

Australia was Doyoung’s. The smallest continent, but that’s how the men liked it. He knew the entire country like the back of his hand, he even had his favorite spots, the black-haired could even walk in the streets like a normal citizen at times, without his invisibility spell. Doyoung was quite the careful Cupid with his silver bow, he liked to take his time with his decisions, a privilege few cupids had. 

Sicheng was in charge of Africa, oh how he loved how diverse the continent was. His favourite part was going to the small islands, he truly was living his best life, yellow bow shining under the burning sun. He too, has some interesting stories to tell, though he was extremely busy too.

Antarctica was Jungwoo’s. Needless to say, he didn’t really like it at first. At best 4,000 people during the summer, but Jungwoo finally found something good about it. He knew everyone, or almost. Sure, he didn’t use his black bow as much as everyone else, but he didn’t mind. He could even visit Yukhei every now and then, just to annoy him right before he had to shoot an arrow. 

And finally, Asia. This one was Jaehyun’s. What a huge responsibility for the young men. But, he accepted the biggest continent without a complaint. The brunette travelled the continent from north to south, east to west. His golden bow rarely caught some rest, Jaehyun was rather quick to shoot. 

And, when the time came for Jaehyun and his six friends, that he called his six brothers, to become the new generation of Cupids, he was nothing other than filled with joy. Joy and excitement, maybe a little bit of anxiety at the responsibility but, they all had been waiting for this moment.

It was five years ago, five years since he finally was able to take his bow in hand, pink irises shining with excitation as he accepted the great responsibility, fingers running over the sharp arrows. After years, months, weeks and days of learning how to match people together, become the perfect, invisible matchmaker. 

Strangely enough, it seemed humans managed to grasp the grand concept of their work pretty well. On his first day with Jeonghan, Jaehyun learned about Roman mythology’s Cupid and Greek mythology’s Eros, and how humans thought it was one immortal men handling the entire job, shooting a single arrow, making that person fall in love with the first individual they saw.  The brunette found this depiction rather funny, some differences were notable. Obviously, it wasn’t a one men job. Yes, the seven boys were pretty fast, but they wouldn’t ever be able to work with even one of them missing. They didn’t have one arrow, they actually had four different arrows : same heart-shaped at the end, different colors, different purposes. 

The first one was quite innocent, an open door for mistakes, it was the first many Cupids used. A bronze arrow meant for crushes.  The second one was what humans knew about. Silver, it was meant for love, be it for a serious relationship or not.  The third, was one every Cupid used often too, but with caution. The soulmate arrow was a golden arrow, eye-catching and almost dangerous looking. Cupids used this one when they knew two people were soulmates. Sometimes, they never used it on someone, and other times, they used it multiple times on an individual. 

The last one, every Cupid hated using at first. Dark, black, the “heartbreak” arrow. Jaehyun thought the name wasn’t so appropriate after all, it’s less radical than it sounds. It’s an arrow used to make people lose feelings. Because with time, Cupids learn that humans need a bit of a broken heart, need to fall out of love to move on to better things. 

Ask about the ceremony, the seven Cupids remember it like it happened yesterday. An entire night, from dusk until dawn, starting with the old cupids reciting the thousand years old speech they, themselves, heard when they became the new generation.  Every Cupid was called with their assigned continent, tutor handing them a bow, one by one, each a different color. Finally, when all the new seven Cupids were aligned, seven white arrows were shot in Olympus’ sky, leaving a pretty trail behind them, before eventually falling on earth. Yet another tradition, the legend says that whoever gets touched by this arrow will be one of the next Cupid. 

The night was attended by almost all the Gods and Goddesses, filled with songs, wine and nectar, gifts to get the Cupids’ good favors. Jaehyun remembers looking down on earth by the end of the night with a sense of pride and excitement.  That night was also the last time Jaehyun saw Jeonghan, the last time their tutors were seen on Olympus. As wine and nectar stopped flowing, two generations of Cupids went to sleep and only one remained, the oldest vanishing without a sound, without a trace. 

It was quite a sad sight, fourteen became seven, but Asia’s cupid knew he’d eventually come across his old tutor one day, living like a normal human, oblivious and amnesic to the adventures he had and loved to tell up in Olympus.  Jaehyun would recognize him in a second, and he swore he’d look over him like Jeonghan did. 

Jaehyun taps his fingers on his golden bow, itching to shoot an arrow again. It’s been a bit too long since he shot the last one, and he’s getting bored. On his pedestal, the Cupid looks down on earth with half-closed eyes, longing for something exciting to happen already.  No matter where his eyes land, what country, what city he decided to look over, it seems that his instincts aren’t kicking in, his instincts aren’t letting him know that his arrows could be useful. 

Minutes feel like hours for the brunette, but it seems the Gods and Goddesses heard his silent complains and bend to his needs, eyebrows raising as his pupils finally catch an interesting situation.

“Ah, finally.”, breathes Asia’s Cupid. Leaning in, his eyes take in the scene. In a gym, he doesn’t take long to find whoever sparked his interest. You. 

Hair attached in a ponytail, sweaty forehead, you’re in the middle of an intense workout session. By your side, it seems you have a coach, helping you with some gestures, shouting some encouraging words Jaehyun doesn’t really care to listen to.  Jaehyun has seen a lot of people, thousands a day, maybe more, who knows. But the Cupid himself has to say, you’re pretty. 

Though, the brunette is a professional Cupid. Or at least, he likes to think he is. This said, he doesn’t stay stuck looking at your figure, pink irises focused on the men next to you, going back and forth, detailing the situation.  As a Cupid, Jaehyun quickly understands that you need a little bit of love in your life, something to spice things up. Ask him to explain, he’ll tell you he can’t. Again, it’s pure instinct, with a bit of analyzing. Cupids usually feel when an arrow could be used on someone, and then, instinct and some thinking help them decide on the arrow to use. Usually, it doesn’t take more than a few seconds, Cupids just know when something is only meant to be a simple crush, when love is involved, or when things are simply meant to be. 

A pout forms on his lips, this wasn’t the most interesting case he had, but it could do. 

Now that the Cupid thinks about it, he had a thing for making strangers fall into each other’s arms, but he loved, absolutely loved, helping people cross the blurry line between hatred and love. Jaehyun has a few favorite stories, like the one time he made a prince and a trader fall in love, or the cliché college enemies finally giving in. But hélas, these stories didn’t happen every day, Jaehyun told himself as he grabbed his bow, arrow ready, string tense. 

A bronze arrow, one that will only make a crush bloom in your heart, that’s the one Jaehyun chose for you, your coach wasn’t the one for you, he could feel it. 

The Cupid did it hundreds of times a day, he didn’t have to think much about it. The brunette had the habit of closing an eye, making sure he had a good view and, without thinking too much, Jaehyun shot his arrow. 

And just like that, Jaehyun’s job for the day was done. 

A hot cup of black tea in your hand, you groan as Sooyoung swipes right on yet another picture you didn’t even get the chance to look at. Nice. Your friend had been asking, almost begging you to finally get on Tinder. And, after much convincing, you agreed, not knowing what you got yourself into. The red-haired didn’t waste a second to grab your phone, swiping left and right while barely letting you judge by yourself the people she was virtually matching you with. 

Pictures were moving left and right, left, left, right, faces blending into each other, not a single bio catching your attention. Crazy how many people like the same few hobbies, how bland description can make you dizzy overtime. You were too tired to focus on the handful of people Sooyoung was making you look at anyways. After an entire day of work, and a full session of workout, all you could do was hum more or less loudly, hoping your close friend could translate your vibrations into yes and no’s. 

“Fuck, you’re out.”, she interjects. It manages to catch your attention a bit more, lifting your eyes from the brownish liquid. Out ? Out of what.  “What if you payed for more swipes ?”, your friend taunts. Judging your reaction, her head rolls back, trying to get a good look at you with her head on your lap, finger dangerously hovering over the payment wall on the screen. 

“Oh no, no way I’m paying for that !”, you mumble with a tired voice, almost knocking your drink out of your hand as you grab your phone. No way you’d pay for something like that anytime soon. 

“Y/N, c’mon !”

You know Sooyoung so well you don’t need to see her face to picture her rolling her eyes at you. For the past month or so, your friend had been trying to get you on dates, without much success, unfortunately. See, if Sooyoung was quite with her time, not having a problem with finding dates after dates via dating apps, you on the other hand, didn’t feel the same. Maybe you were too romantic for your generation, but you still found it really hard to get with the entire meeting via social media thing.

“You know I’ll delete that as soon as you leave, right ?”, you tell her again, quickly closing the application before locking your phone, an audible sigh from your friend as the background noise. 

“Uh, alright, at least I tried.”, the red-headed tells herself, finally moving from your legs that were starting to get numb under her body. But, it doesn’t take long for her to lash onto yet another possibility the second after. “And what about your coach ?” 

A frown takes over your features, your mouth a thin line you hide behind your cup. The tea’s still hot, the sugary liquid burns down your throat and you take the opportunity to think a bit more about her words. 

Your coach, you never really thought about him in that way. You also never thought about him out of the gym setting, actually. But, now that you did, you had to admit that he was a good looking person. And, you did notice his new haircut today, undercut making his figure look cleaner.  Then again, you saw him often, but when he saw you, you were always sweaty and out of breath. You also realized that you associated his name and face to the not-so-pleasant body aches you had every time you left the gym. Strangely, your right arm was always a bit more sore-. 

“Nah.”, you finally respond, catching a drop of tea threatening to fall down your chin. And, by the looks of it, Sooyoung really thought something could spark with how long you took to respond. The young girl can only scoff, mumbling something under her breath, scrolling on her phone and you can only guess she’s trying to find one guy she met once in college five years ago that she can maybe present to you. 

And you guessed right, after a few minutes, she turns her phone towards you, the brightness a bit too much for your half-closed eyes. An Instagram picture on her phone shows you another guy with red, long hair. Half of it is tied in a bun, the other half falls in front of his sharp eyes in a curtain of bangs. From his caption, it seems he’s Japanese, or at least can speak it. 

“Nice hair.”, you simply tell her, hoping she’d drop the subject, but obviously, Sooyoung doesn’t. The young girl looks at the picture once again, a fake frown on her face as she gestured to her own hair. “I’m actually, CEO of the company.” 

“You’re one hard case, Y/N.”, your close friend finally concludes, after facing your silence for a few seconds. You can’t believe her, she starts scrolling again, determined look on her face. You really find it heartwarming, how she’s trying to help you find love even when you act the way you do. You didn’t even tell her why you disregarded the red-haired men, she already knew you were a stubborn, hopeless romantic, views tinted and distorted by years of romance novels and cheesy movies. 

“Sooyoung, you’re not the Cupid you think you are.” 

Yet another day in the somewhat mundane yet exciting world of Cupids. Jaehyun wouldn’t have it any other way, though, or at least, he thinks so. On his little pedestal, the cupid takes a sip of his nectar.  On the soft cloud, his foot kicks at the fluffy texture, watching as it dissolves in the wind. It’s right in the middle of the day for Asia’s Cupid, he already shot a lot of arrows, a few soulmate arrows and had just been the invisible witness of a forbidden love blooming, something he could tell the other cupids about tonight. 

Jaehyun finds himself looking over your city again, it’s something he does a lot. The young men doesn’t have a favorite city, he can’t put Tokyo, Seoul, Shanghai and other cities against each other, but he does like Korea’s capital quite a bit. Cherry trees full of fruits, people are going out more often, summer is making everything better. And then, the young Cupid gets that feeling. One him and the six other Cupids know oh, so well. Tips of his fingers tingling, pupils blown, his eyes quickly find his new subject.  And it’s...You again ? 

“You, again...?” Jaehyun can’t help but voice his thoughts out, no one can hear him anyways. But it’s weird, to see you again. Didn’t he shoot you yesterday ? Yes, Cupids see a lot of people, but Jaehyun has a good memory and won’t forget a face so quickly.  A human having a crush on someone and falling in love with someone else weeks, even days after isn’t impossible, but Jaehyun never had it happen so quickly. Maybe you fell in love with your coach, the brunette thinks, but as he gets a closer look, he notices that your coach, isn’t really here.  Uh, interesting, Jaehyun thinks. Maybe today won’t be so mundane, maybe you’re the one who’ll spice things up for him.  It’s weird, you’re not thinking about your coach. That, Jaehyun can tell. There isn’t a single trace of love interest for him in your soul, Asia’s Cupid wonders if he missed his shot yesterday. It happens rarely, maybe three times since he started this, but it can happen. It gets the young men even more intrigued. 

A small smile creeps on his lips as he sees you stopping in front of a cherry tree, admiring the red dots all over, taking a quick picture before walking straight ahead. It doesn’t look like you’re working today, Jaehyun knows it’s Saturday on Earth. Much like Doyoung, the brunette has a sort of obsession with the blue planet, he knows more than most of his brothers.   Another thing he knows, it looks like you’re meeting up with someone. The Cupid sees you stopping at a coffee shop, he decides not to look inside of you walk in. 

And Jaehyun is right to do so, several minutes after, you’re walking out with a hot cup of tea and a cheesecake. Good taste, the Cupid thinks. He loves cheesecake as well, Doyoung bought some the other day. Even better, the two ate it all by themselves, lets just say his five other brothers aren’t that interested in Earth’s culture. Finally, you take advantage of the Summer weather, taking a seat outside. You don’t look as sweaty as yesterday, obviously. Hair down, the soft wind makes the tips of your locks tingle your skin, locks you brush away quickly. Jeans and a light top, your everyday makeup is done. 

As you take your phone out, the young men takes a step back, trying to see if he can find the one you’re waiting for in the streets. It’s a fun luck-based game he plays from time to time. But it seems luck isn’t on his side today, when his pink irises find your silhouette again, he notices a man sitting right in front of you.  Oh, him. Something serious could happen with him, Jaehyun can tell by the way the tip of his fingers tingle. Yet, you can do better than that, Asia’s cupid thinks to himself. And suddenly, he stops himself. He shouldn’t think this, a Cupid shouldn’t have such judgments. Brushing the thought away, he takes a step forward, trying to understand who this guy is to you. 

“How long has it been ?”, the men asks, apparently it manages to make you laugh a bit as you answer. “A decade or so.” With this, it’s easy to understand you two haven’t seen each other in a long, very long time. So you two already somewhat know each other, it might help things, maybe you didn’t know your coach enough to feel things. The arrows’ law can alter and be a bit strange, sometimes. 

“You’ve grown up a lot since junior high, Y/N”, the unknown men says, a pool of heat creeping on your cheeks.  Pretty name, the Cupid thinks. Old friends reuniting after years, that’s a cute situation, he thinks to himself. He can see something mildly serious coming out of it, he isn’t a soulmate but, he could be in your life for a year or two, maybe three. 

He shrugs, taking his beloved bow in his right hand, silver arrow in the other. A routine, string tense, one eye closed, from this distance, Jaehyun knows he won’t miss, there isn’t a chance in the world he’d miss a shot like that, he’s close, the target isn’t moving. 

And so, he shoots. When the arrow lands, right in the middle of your chest as you’re taking a bite of your cheesecake, the young men sees you slightly choking on it, chuckling to himself. Something quickly sparks in your eyes when your old friend helps you whip your chin, there you go.  Jaehyun thinks he’s done with you. That night, he tells his six brothers about the girl that choked on cheesecake.

“Myungdae ? Ew, no.”, you whisper out, eyes travelling from the sculpture to your friend, almost choked at the proposition. The look on your face is enough to tell her exactly what you think about your old friend, to Jaehyun’s misbelief.

He cannot believe it, he can’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. His lips part in pure shock, or maybe it’s awe, he doesn’t know quite yet. On his pedestal, the arrow and bow the young men was supposed to shoot a few moments prior stay inert at his side, glowing under the white neon light.  Ew, no. The two, simple words, simple sounds, ring again and again in his head. And it’s not like you’re lying too, the Cupid can feel it, or he actually, he doesn’t feel it. He doesn’t feel any love interest towards Myungdae, the guy you saw a few days ago, the guy he thought would be your future boyfriend. 

“What ?”, Asia’s Cupid almost screams out, it’s not like anyone will hear anyways, right ?

“What…?”, Sooyoung unknowingly mimics the young men’s words, but her tone is slightly different. “He’s cute !” The red haired speaks a bit too loudly for the setting, Jaehyun sees you shooting a death glare at who he found out is your good friend. She’s being too loud in the museum, the very museum Jaehyun felt pulled to, his instincts telling him to shoot the golden arrow at your best friend, one of the museum’s tour guide he quickly found out was a soulmate.

“He…He is…!”, you tell your friend, hoping it’ll make her calm down a little bit more. As Sooyoung sighs, eyes wondering around as she searches for the right words, her pupils land on a group’s guide. He’s a tall men with dark brown hair, beige shirt from the museum hugging his built figure. Fuck, Jaehyun thinks. There’s too much going on, he can not forget about Sooyoung.

“I just…Can’t help but see him as the kid that puked on the school trip for Busan.”, you tell your friend, but it’s clear her attention is taken by the men describing the sculpture to the small group of tourists. Little do you know, Jaehyun is listening closely to your words. Though, the men has to act quick. He’s been a Cupid for long enough that it takes him seconds to get everything ready. String tense, one eyes close, golden arrow aiming just right, the brunette shoots the arrow at the tour guide with ease. He looks a bit older than you and your friend. Finally, as the heart tip touches him right on the left side, his eyes meets Sooyoung’s, he smiles at her.  

“…But…But it went well, right ?”, Sooyoung is a good friend, trying her best to keep her attention on you but, it’s clear the men’s smile took her back. Jaehyun also decides he likes her a lot, voicing every question he isn’t able to ask you in person.

“It did…” You can’t really explain it. Yes, it went well, he seemed a bit interested, but you weren’t. It’s not what you were looking for, it’s like everything was right but, something was missing. A feeling something much greater was waiting for you out there, somewhere. Only, if only it’d present itself to you. A sigh leaves your lips as you’re literally ranting about your dead love life as your best friend seems to fall in love with you, what a cruel coincidence.

A worried look takes over Asia’s Cupid’s face.

The brunette never saw this, not in front of his very eyes. He doesn’t even remember hearing stories about anyone…Refusing love ? Not being affected by his arrows ? Eyebrows furrowed, Jaehyun’s heart picks up for the first time. It’s a weird feeling, he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to experience, it pumps faster, alters his breathe.

“Maybe I used all my shots at love already.”, you tell Sooyoung, shoulders going up, and down as you try to act nonchalant. It’s not hard to tell you’re faking it, at least, it isn’t for the Cupid.

No, Jaehyun wants to scream it out at you, you still have so much to see, so much to feel, he thinks. It’s funny, how the brunette didn’t even experience it and yet, he knows about all the things you deserve to see. Shit, something is clearly wrong, the Cupid can tell, he feels it twisting his guts, a cold sweat on your forehead. The subject is dropped quickly after your close friends reassures you the best she can, too quickly. The Cupid sighs from above, he wishes he was there. 

That night, Jaehyun decides he’s going to Earth for another one of his mission.

Such a simple phrase. “I’m going down.”, yet, it has the power to take back the six other Cupids, again. A decision like this shouldn’t really require such an announcement, they think at first. Doyoung goes to Australia whenever he wants and doesn’t feel the need to nervously let it out after tapping on his glass with his knife. But quickly, they all understand this isn’t about a small walk on Earth to visit, Jaehyun’s on a mission he’s decided he won’t give up on. Jaehyun had two trips to Earth, small ones for missions that required his presence and a little bit more knowledge on the person he was supposed to shoot. But never did it felt this, Jaehyun couldn’t really put his finger on it, but something told him this mission would be a lot more different than the two others.

“Aren’t you taking this a bit too much at heart ?”, asks Doyoung, after Asia’s Cupid finishes his explanations. He’s worried for the youngest, Cupids usually don’t go on Earth for anything other than a walk, Jaehyun already broke this stereotype twice and came back without a scratch, but the black-haired was scared something would eventually happen to him there, where they may not have as much of an authority. His back faces Jaehyun, slicing some red apples for Sicheng, who’s making dinner, but Asia’s Cupid still pouts at him like he’ll be able to see. “No…”, he starts, but his sentence quickly gets stopped by Taeyong’s low chuckle, who’s following the situation with a curious eye. “Alright, maybe a little. But that’s my job !”

“He’s right, that’s our job. Something isn’t right with her.”, Yukhei finally speaks, looking up from the book he was reading, body ungracefully laying on the bench. The brunette had a long, long day, and didn’t talk much that evening, but Jaehyun sure appreciated the small contribution to his cause.

“Thank you.”, Jaehyun slightly nods at his brother for the support, before looking over at Jungwoo, helping or rather, clinging onto Doyoung. “Jungwoo could look over Asia while I’m gone, I won’t take long anyways…!”

At that, Jungwoo drops what he’s doing, such a dramatic being. Pretty unfortunate for Doyoung’s hand, who has to dodge a sharp kitchen knife. “Jungwoo, what the-.”

“For real ?”, asks Antarctica’s Cupid, pink eyes as big as saucers. Don’t get him wrong, the young men grew to love his continent, but he’d kill to be Asia’s Cupid, even for a day. And he said it multiple times before. Jaehyun’s other two missions were so short he didn’t really need replacement, but this time, Asia’s Cupid was clear in making everyone understand that this, you, were a special case.

“Yeah…But only if it doesn’t add too much work…”, Jaehyun knows it isn’t an easy task, the biggest continent is a lot of work and a lot of arrows to shoot. He barely needs more arguments, though, the blonde laches onto Asia’s Cupid’s arms, to the five other’s misbelief. It’s a mechanism, the way Jaehyun’s arms wrap around Jungwoo’s frame with a small laugh.

“You won’t have a lot of time, thought.”, Taeyong says, to which the brunette has to agree with a nod, awaiting for his brothers’ final decision. Obviously, he wouldn’t do anything without everyone’s approval.

Time behaves differently, in Olympus. Weeks and days are not really a thing, after all, Gods, Goddesses and other creatures don’t really need to worry about a thing that won’t affect them. But, if they’d have to count, a year on Earth would feel like six months for the Gods, maybe even less.

“I know, I know. I won’t be long anyways…How much time do I have ?”

It’s a group decision, Jaehyun’s aware of this. If his brothers end up disagreeing to his proposition, he’d have to accept it, if they give him a small amount of time in unanimity, he’d have to bent to their decision and make it work.

“How about, around a month on Earth, maximum ? You can take care of Asia for that time being, right, Jungwoo ?”, Sicheng finally speaks up and proposes, it’s unnecessary to say that Antarctica’s Cupid agreed with a vigorous nod of the head, locks bouncing on his smiling face.

“It’s settled, then.”, it’s half of a question Doyoung asks Asia’s Cupid, a month is more than enough, he thinks.

“Good luck on Earth, then. And don’t do anything stupid, we’ll watch over ya.”, Mark concludes, slightly hitting his brother’s shoulder.

And that’s how, Jaehyun, Asia’s Cupid, ended up on Earth for the third time.

Unlike Doyoung, Jaehyun never really went on Earth for a simple walk but thankfully, he was so curious about Earth that the rules and codes of the planet weren’t new to him, at all. It was indeed, different from Olympus, but he liked it as much, maybe even more. No Gods or Goddesses to please, no curses and weird family treasons to keep up with. He didn’t have the same authority here but, he wasn’t helpless either, he was equal to everyone.

He knew about phones and, he was very happy to get his hands on one. He sometimes thought about how it’d be pretty funny to have these up on Olympus so he could send pictures to his brothers, same for televisions but he didn’t know if any deities would actually want to participate in such a thing. Even after these two trips, the difference between watching from his little Cupid cloud and being on Earth still struck him. Being painted as a normal human, at the same level with everyone, being noticed and looked at by people he does not know and won’t ever see again, not being invisible. It was different, but it felt right.

When his body finally materialized in the small apartment he was granted for his stay, the first thing he did was look outside. The place was in the city center, a modest apartment that didn’t have anything to compare with his Palace in Olympus, but he quite liked it. Pretty trees, grey streets, the sound of cars and people talking was something he wasn’t used to, nor was he used to the city lights enlightening his apartment at night, the pitch-black darkness of Olympus long gone. Inside, it was small, intimate, kitchen and living room connected, a small bathroom but one large bedroom he immediately took a liking for with it’s floor to ceiling windows. He’d get used to it pretty quickly, Jaehyun was sure of that, but one thing he probably wouldn’t get used to, even after a month here, was not being able to see his brothers. Jaehyun remembers thinking he’d be able to live here until he thought about them. It took him back, at first. Jaehyun wasn’t used to being alone at home, he was used to the somewhat harmonious chaos his brothers would create with and around him. He knew he’d be able to communicate with them if, and only if it was necessary, he knew they’d watch over him, but it still felt weird.

Loneliness isn’t a feeling Jaehyun is used to, he finds the feeling usually comes with a lot of questioning too. That’s something Jaehyun doesn’t like to do, questioning. Yet, his current status comes with a lot of blank spaces and questions that are maybe meant to stay unanswered. Asia’s Cupid would like to be able to push them aside, like his brothers seem to be able to do. But maybe they do think about these questions a lot too, after all, Jaehyun never dared to ask. It’s on his first night on Earth, stomach empty and apartment half decorated that he finally lets these question fill his mind again. Sitting on his new bed, gazing at this city that never seems to sleep, he wonders if he was one of them, before. There’s a club nearby, Jaehyun wonders if he used to be the type to party, if he was a student, if he was a boy or a girl, what he identified as, if he was in love, if he was loved. He never told anyone but, sometimes, he feels nostalgia looking down on humans, missing something he doesn’t even remember experiencing. A sense of déjà-vu, like he used to do these things, going out with friends, watching movies, having first kisses, making love, living oblivious to everything above. Jaehyun will never admit it, much less talk about it to his brother, but, a few times, he had blurry visions. Images forming in his head at random times, they were never long, a slip second leaving Jaehyun wondering, desperately trying to recreate it. Asia’s Cupid remembers seeing a tall man, brown hair, cat-like eyes, an old camera pointed at him. Him, he saw him two times, he also remembers seeing a brunette, petite girl with a dimple. Who were they to him, before ? He’d never know, family, friends, lovers, it’s his guess. He hates it, but what can he do about it ?

It’s one of the few downsides of being a Cupid. Knowing you have a past, maybe multiple past lives, and not remembering any of it, it’s cruel, in a way. Not knowing how you died, when you died, knowing the ones you now view as brothers weren’t in your life. Knowing one day, another generation of Cupids will take the lead and goodbyes are going to be crushing. It’s a double sided blade, being that aware of your faith.

The young men doesn’t like thinking about it much, busying his mind whenever his brain wonders with whatever he can find. And, that’s exactly what he’s doing.

Ah, how Gods and Goddesses are dramatic, Jaehyun thinks when his eyes finally land on the file, neatly tracked on the black table. Golden letters on the white hardcover, his name written on it, calling him. Finally, delicate digits peal the cover, flipping the first page over. Your name, age, date of birth, everything’s written on it. And, most importantly, your workplace.

 “Hey, Y/N.”, a voice you know too well calls you out, but do you care enough to look up ? No. Definitely not. Maybe it’s a bit…Mean. But you pray to any God above that he’ll leave you alone. Eyes scanning the same sentence over, and over again, you try your best to look busy. Extremely busy with your email and empty photoshop project open.

“Hey ! You busy ?”, the same voice again, a bit closer, fuck. You have to look up at Daeyong, standing right behind your computer, forcing a smile on your face. The men gives you the same smile, though you don’t doubt he’s a bit more sincere than you are. A half gloved hand pushes his bleached hair back - he works on a graphic tablet -, you wonder if the dry locks won’t fall right off. He, Daeyong, is one of your many colleagues in the publicity agency. He works in the cubicle a few meters away from yours, though you sometimes wish he was in an entirely different building.

“Hey, Daeyong. No, no, what’s up ?”, at this point, you can’t really tell him you’re busy. Knowing him, he’ll probably look over your computer to see any progress on the project you’re supposed to be working on. You bite the inside of your cheek when he giggles at your face, you can’t be the only one to feel the awkwardness, fuck. See, a few months ago, he asked you out on a date to a niche restaurant. At first, you accepted, he had cornered you in front of a few other people and you couldn’t really say no, you didn’t want to put him in such an embarrassing situation. But, after much thinking - a minute into your shower-, you decided you didn’t want to go. A text was sent and lets just say your doubts were now facts, Daeyong was the cliché of the Reddit Nice Guy.

You remember him blowing up on you, and of course, you didn’t let it slide. Heated texts were exchanged and after weeks of silence and tension - not the good one - between the two of you, he decided to apologize. Yet, you couldn’t let the situation go, he still made you feel uncomfortable. He tried to act overly nice, you’d prefer if he just…Apologized and stopped talking to you.

“There’s a newbie, he’s taking the spot next to you. Boss wants you to help him feel welcomed and all, y’know the drill, yeah ?”, you hate how he speaks to you like you’re still friends, like nothing happened. You just nod, getting more and more uncomfortable the longer he stays there. Right behind your computer, like you own him something. Daeyong opens his mouth a few times, trying to starts a sentence, tongue wetting his chapped lips.

As you’re about to excuse yourself for an early coffee break, he finally finds his words.

“Hey, I think we cou-.”, he starts. And you know, you know were this is going. We could try again, we could be good together. But, before he can finish his sentence and before you can even let out a syllable, it seems the universe finally helps you out.

“Hey, Y/N, right ?”, a deep, unknown voice comes from your side. You’re so tense it almost makes you jump. “Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something ?”, he continues. Your savior, and polite at that. The universe gave you an opportunity, you’re going to take it, with both hands and not let go. Quickly, you use your chair to spin around, back to Daeyong, facing whoever saved you from this embarrassing and quite annoying situation, maybe you’ll-

“Oh.”

Oh. You freeze for a good second, maybe a bit more, looking up at who you hope is your new cubicle neighbor. Slender, feline eyes that curl at the inner corner looking at you through short, cute, eyelashes. Deep, dark brown irises and it feels like…You’ve seen them before ? They hold something familiar, something inviting, you wonder if you met him before, a long, long time before. It’s when the bridge of his nose scrunch up with a smile that you snap out. Fuck, have you been glaring at him for long ? Did he notice ?

“N-No, no !”, you starts quickly, pearly teeth biting down on your painted bottom lip when he laughs a little. It’s airy, short and yet, the small sounds makes your heart pick up, pumping up blood to your cheeks.

“I mean yes, I’m Y/N. And no, you didn’t interrupt anything !”, you reassure him, finally collecting yourself. Oh god.

“Eh…He’s the newbie I was talking about.”, clearing his throat, Daeyong adds, visibly throw off, great. “I’ll get going then, take care of him.”, he finishes, before finally, oh finally, leaving for his own cubicle. You can’t help but sigh of relief, before the said newbie stretches a hand out.

“I’m Jaehyun.”, he says, and you don’t hesitate to take his hand in yours, intending to shake it slightly. But, when his skin touches yours, it might seem insane, maybe you’re going crazy, but the shiver that runs down your spine takes you back for a second.

Jaehyun feels it too, the lukewarm tips of his digits lingering on your skin. Something is different, different from the few other humans he met, face to face. Jaehyun isn’t supposed to be feel anxious around humans, isn’t he…A superior being after all ? He isn’t from this world, not…really. He has another understanding of the world and yet, he feels equal to you, equal to humans for the first time in this very moment, when his brown eyes bore into yours.

“Y/N.”, you introduce yourself anyways.

People say time behaves differently in certain places. Unfamiliar McDonald’s on a roadtrip, lakes in a suburban neighborhoods, you could name a few and maybe, just maybe, you can add your small cubicle in this very moment.

Jaehyun sits down in front of the desk next to you, his face disappearing behind the thin wall for a quick second. He lets his black bag down, before both his palms hit the white desk. You laugh a little, he might be a little overwhelmed by the graphic tablet, the two computer screens still asleep in front of his eyes. He looks young, you note, probably around your age, maybe he’s straight out of university and just started working.

“So, Jaehyun.”, you start again, Jaehyun’s body leaning against his chair. His ears are a bit red, rosy skin contrasting, cute, you think. “Where did you study ?”

“I, uhm…”, fuck, Jaehyun knew his made-up backstory by heart and yet, his throat went dry the minute you said his name. “Paris, Gobelins.”, he finally says with a smile. Relax, Jaehyun, relax. Before leaving, him and his brothers made an entire backstory. Family name, parents, siblings, hobbies, anecdotes, studies, exes. They went through everything and yet, he almost fucked it up a second in. Thankfully, you don’t seem to notice, your attention drawn to his words. Paris ? Les Gobelins ? Your lips part for a second, eyes wide for the second time today. “Paris ?”, you whine out, unconsciously leaning forward. Jaehyun hums, finger pressing on the computer’s button, thank the Gods, he knows how everything works, “How was it ?” Thankfully for Jaehyun, he doesn’t even have to set foot in Paris to know exactly how it is. “Pretty, it’s a really pretty city.” Taeyong brags about it every day, he thinks to himself. “Especially during the summer, the architecture is amazing. Lots of tourists and traffic, though.”, he notes, acting like he’s thinking to himself. You sigh at that, almost day dreaming when your new cubicle neighbor tells you about the Louvre and other highly known places. “I’ve always wanted to go.”, you mumble, graphic pen slightly hitting your desk. Jaehyun decides the pout on your lip might be the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

If Jaehyun was a bit more aware of himself, he would’ve known, he would’ve known he was fucked from the very beginning. The slight alteration in his heartbeat when his hand met yours, a Cupid is not supposed to feel such things. It’s a cruel rule, Cupids are not supposed to feel love, they are not supposed to fall in love. After all, if Cupids are able to comprehend such emotions, wouldn’t it make their job harder ? Love would come across their duty, what if they had a crush on someone on Earth and forgot to shoot, or even worst, refuse to shoot an arrow ? Cupids understood rather quickly that love might be beautiful, it could also be extremely dangerous. Especially when they travel across their continent all day long, meeting beautiful souls after beautiful souls.

If he was aware, the Cupid would’ve known. He would’ve known when your giggle at his confused look towards the two computer screen and multiple programs took a smile out of him. He would’ve known when you asked for his phone number on his third day and his throat went dry. He would’ve known when you walked out of the building with him on the fifth day and his heart skipped a beat when you waved goodbye, slight tired smile stretching your lips. Asia’s Cupid would’ve known when you bought him something to drink around his second week, he would’ve known if he wasn’t so stubborn, so blind.

It’s just because he’s taking the mission at heart, he thinks to himself after a little bit more than a week working in your small company. Jaehyun brushes it off, he keeps himself busy and would rather not think about you more than he already is. The young men does not want to think about his past lives and the half second long flashes he seems to get more frequently on the blue planet and so, he tries his hardest to distract himself. On his trip to Earth, Jaehyun finds he loves painting, it’s something he could not do on Olympus very often, he was too busy during the day, too tired during the night. And so, the Cupid buys himself some paint, some brushes and some canvas. Jaehyun finds he also really likes this deep brown bubbly soda, at least he has something else to drink than the sugary nectar he always has up there. The Cupid also gets interested in Earth’s cinema. It’s fun to watch, he finally has the time to binge watch every Spiderman ever made. But, when the movie ends and the inspiration runs out, Jaehyun can not run away from you. He doesn’t know it yet, the Cupid does not want to face it either but, you’re already carved in his heart. And, even when he thinks he’s distracting himself from you, he takes a step back from the painting he’s working on and… The pretty pale colors strangely look like you.

See, there’s another small issue with Asia’s Cupid’s plan. After two weeks on Earth and much observation, Jaehyun notices you aren’t interested in anyone. A rather big issue when he barely has half a month left to understand exactly what the fuck is going on with you and successfully accomplish his mission. You two share even more during coffee breaks and there isn’t a single spark. His sensations aren’t as sharp on Earth but, he doesn’t see any lingering look from your side, no discreet look over someone, nothing. It’s clear none of your co-workers had a chance with you, at least. Another thing the boy notices after a bit more time, you don’t need him, you don’t need help on your shoulder. When you finally seem interested by someone, Jaehyun feels the slight numbness in his fingertips and, for a second, he’s happy. So happy, it feels like his mission starts now. You don’t need his help to go out of your way and make a move. Small issue ? He’s the love interest.

From : You, 8:37 pm. : “About the company’s gathering, we should go together so I can introduce you to everyone you need to know.”

There’s a slight sigh coming from Jaehyun’s lips as he looks at the screen of his phone, he quickly got used to the object. This is just a friendly proposition, he thinks to himself. After all, you were supposed to help him get more comfortable in his new job, right ? The gathering is in three days, the third day of the third week of Jaehyun’s timeline. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he’ll find your perfect match at said gathering with other similar companies. The Cupid still blinds himself. If anyone was looking over him from above, they’d scoff at his attitude.

To : You, 8:40 pm. : “Yeah, sure !”

From : You, 8:42 pm. : “Nice, will pick you up at 9 ?”

To : You, 8:45 pm. : “Good for me !” Jaehyun hits send, his fingertips tingle.

Third day of his third week, the blindfold finally falls down or rather, it rips. Jaehyun can only numb himself for so long, a man can only pretend to not hear when someone’s screaming at them. Jaehyun might remember this very moment all his life. It had rained, this morning, the dark concrete floor dark by the summer water. At least, it took some degrees out of the current heat. Poor Cupid enters a phase the moment he sees you checking your lipstick in a small round mirror, in the back of a black, luxurious car. His heart doesn’t skip a beat, it pumps faster. The tallest had some fever dreams, dreams where the air is thick, dense, where it feels like he’s the only one aware of the altered universe his brain created and, it feels the same. Jaehyun feels like he has every God and Goddess watching him from above. Judging, detailing and yet, he also feels so alone, standing there right in front of the glossy car door. Palms sweaty, ears a deep shade of pink, there’s no denying it.

“Don’t get attached, you won’t see her again.”, Doyoung’s words before he left ring in his mind again, it seems he never stood a chance anyways. He’s fucked, oh so fucked. Jaehyun doesn’t want to say the word love, he does not. But he’s a Cupid, he knows how all of this work. The man almost has an out of body experience the moment you look up, bright smile stretching your lips and you lean to the side, opening the car door for him. The dress you’re wearing is a deep blue, much like the suit Jaehyun is wearing, what a coincidence. It hugs your body, softly decors the skin of your hips before falling under gravity’s law. By the way you’re seating, one leg over the other on your side of the car, Jaehyun can clearly see the deep thigh cut in your silk dress, his eyes almost flash their natural pink color for a second.

He might project out of his body at any second. At that moment, Jaehyun knows, if he was simply Asia’s Cupid looking over two people, two colleagues going to a fancy gathering, he’d shot the soulmate arrow without a doubt in mind. He knew it before, he just didn’t want to face it. Tonight, he knows and acknowledges it. You, on the other hand, don’t take too long to notice his skin turning white when he finally steps in and takes a seat. The nervous rub of his palms against the fabric of his pants, his lack of words when he’s usually talkative. How could you know ? At this very moment, when Jaehyun understands you’re his soulmate, his other half in this world, you think he’s simply nervous.

“Hi. You seem nervous.”, you voice is soft, comprehensive. You were the new employee too, at some point, and you remember being extremely intimidated for your first gathering as well.  

“Hey. Uh, yeah. I’m a bit…nervous.”, he mumbles, eyes straight ahead. At this very moment, he does not know what to do, he finds the driver’s bold head very, very interesting. The moment he attaches the security belt, the car starts moving. The Cupid looks away, eyes on the multiple neon lights lightening the dark streets, softly reflecting on the wet ground, he does not know what to do.

You, on the other hand, might be a bit too worried about the brunette. The car might be a pricy one, the space in the backseat isn’t so big but you use it at your advantage. Lightly pushing your colleague, now you’d like to say friend, with your shoulder, you get his attention back. There’s a soft smile stretching his lips, Jaehyun quickly understood he couldn’t resist you, he couldn’t stay unphased in front of your pouts.

“Don’t be, everyone’s nice ! You’ll see.”, you start, a hand readjusting your dress. “It might be more of a fancy gathering but, it’s just for show.” Without thinking twice, your hand lands on his thigh, softly patting his clothed leg order to reassure him. Jaehyun understand the meaning of guilty pleasures at this very moment. He doesn’t chase your hand away, he lets your touch slowly fade away, he loves the tingle it lets behind, the way it has his eyes widening. But, somewhere not so deep in his mind, he’s screaming at himself. He barely has two weeks left here. He knows, he knows you may be one of his soulmates, if not the only. He knows he might not meat you in another life, he knows it isn’t fair the let you all alone after this. He doesn’t even need to wonder if you feel it too, he knows you do, he feels his fingertips tingle every now and then, a reassuring buzz whenever he’s right next to you. You feel it too, there’s no doubt. Especially when the car finally stops and Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate to step out of the vehicle, walking around to open your door. Your hand quickly finds his, you both act natural. He offers his arm, you easily let your hand rest in the crook of his elbow right after taking a better look at his outfit. You wonder if he got the suit especially made for him, it perfectly hugs his body. Not too tight, not too big. The deep blue shade compliments his light brown eyes and you wonder if he has some eyeshadow but can not really tell under the dim light.

The building privatized by your company is a cute one floor hall, small light hanging at the entrance and you notice they ditched the red carpet because of the rain. Some people are already there, most are from your company as the other as supposed to arrive a bit later. The decoration’s prettier than last year, you have to say and, you notice all the efforts made once you step in. Heels click on the ground, soft music plays as your colleagues speak together, you take Jaehyun by the arm to greet the boss he never met.

The gathering’s a blur for Jaehyun, his mind’s busy with much, much more important things. He knows he can contact his brothers whenever he feels the overwhelming need and ramble. But, it feels like he’ll have to go through this multiple hours long party with a polite smile on his face before even thinking about going home. The Cupid’s pushed and pulled from his thoughts, on and off. Jaehyun falls deep in his thoughts when he’s left alone but, gets abruptly brought back to the surface when you bring other colleagues he doesn’t know yet and people from other companies. It’s a shame, he knows he’d enjoy the gathering in another situation. It’s a bit like the parties up in Olympus, with a bit more choice when it comes to drinks and music and at least, here, he doesn’t have to worry about getting on a God or Goddess’s wrong side by pure accident. You seem to be enjoying yourself too, the brunette sees you joking a bit around with some people he already forgot the name of, enjoying the food and drink they’re serving you in plates. Jaehyun wouldn’t admit it, whenever he judges someone is being a bit too close to you, an unknown feeling sparks in his chest, one that wants everyone to know you’re his soulmate. Is it jealousy ? The brunette never knew he was capable of such a raw feeling. It’s a weird situation for the poor thing. He’s aware of your status and yet, he does not know what to do. He’s lost in this party full of people, this party where men and woman both don’t hesitate to look at him up and down, silently gushing at his features, it seems the Cupid forgot he wasn’t invisible here. At some point, the tune changes to something Jaehyun would recognize as classical music, though he isn’t an expert on human music yet. His company’s boss he met moments prior steps in the middle of the hall and a crowd forms around them and, that’s when the Cupid understands they’re about to dance. Yet another thing similar to Olympus’ parties, slower dances aren’t uncommon and he quickly understands the pattern of steps.

He has to say, the brunette’s quite enjoying the view, especially when more and more people decide to step in the circle. Though, the Cupid definitely does not expect it when you step right in front of him, small smile tugging at your lips. He notices your lipstick’s fading a little bit, surely because of the drinks you had but, he quickly looks away.

“Do you dance ?”, you ask, arching an eyebrow with a hand stretched out. It almost makes the brunette laugh, you definitely do not need his help to make a move. He also almost says he doesn’t but, his hand touches yours before he can even comprehend what he is doing. Biting down on your lower lip, you quickly pull the brunette towards one side of the circle, slowly dissolving as everyone finds a partner to dance with as well.

“I learned when I was a teen.”, the Cupid simply hums when you look up at him with semi-impressed eyes the second he perfectly follows the steps of the slow dance. Is there anything he can not do, you wonder for a moment. Maybe he has some issues picking up on hints. One hand in his, the other curling behind his back and resting on his shoulder, it feels right when his hand rests in the middle of your back, subtly arching your back. It is at this very moment that Jaehyun understands the light tingle in his fingertips’ addictive, he likes keeping you close a bit too much and, for a split second, wonders how your curves would feel under his hands.

“What can’t you do ?”, you ask, teasing him a bit. There’s the same butterflies blooming in your stomach the moment he giggles softly, eyes rolling up as he dramatically acts like he’s thinking really hard. “I can’t juggle.”, the brunette says after thinking for some long seconds, though he keeps swinging you softly at the same time.

“You can’t ?”, you fake shock, lips parted. “You shouldn’t tell that to anyone, ever. That’s a shame.”, you tell him and, he pouts. Fuck, how can he look so good and cute at the same time ? For a second, you think about kissing the pout away, eyes travelling down to his pink lips.

Isn’t it crazy ? How weeks before, you felt like you had used all your shots at love and now, this men comes into your life and crashes everything. Jaehyun does not know it, but you’re overthinking as much as he is. Finally, the song end and yet, the Cupid’s hand stays lingering on your back, a gesture that makes you softly smile.

“You’re having a lot of success, here.”, you tell him once he stops in front of the buffet again, it seems he has a good view on the entire hall here. There’s a flew glasses left and, you take one.

“Hm ? Success ?”, he asks, himself taking a drink. You laugh a bit at that, you wonder if Jaehyun’s really that clueless about his looks. Unbeknownst to him, the same feeling sparks in your chest when you notice a small group of ladies from another company looking over at where your friend was standing. Though, unlike the brunette, you know what this is, jealousy.

“Hm hm, saw a bunch of people looking at you.”, you tell him, shamelessly stepping next to him and leaning against the table, if some didn’t know you and him walked in this party together, you made sure they knew now. There’s a small laugh coming from Jaehyun, though you find it isn’t as bright as it usually is. Something seems off, but you don’t dare ask him right now, in the middle of the hall.

“Same for you.”, he says before bringing the glass to his mouth, a hum coming out of his lips when the liquid coats his taste buds. There’s a small sense of pride blooming in your chest, does this mean he looked at you ? Noticed other people were too ? Did he get jealous too, you wonder. “What is this ?”, he asks, eyeing the golden liquid, brushing the conversation.

“Champagne ?”, you inform him with a little giggle, an eyebrow arched. You were sure he already tasted champagne for someone who knew so much about wine. Lets just say you two sometimes slack a bit during working hours and talk about other…unrelated things. “You never had it ?”, you ask, a bit curious. You have to say, Jaehyun himself is a curious personage, a mysterious character. It might be one of the many things that struck you when you met him, along side his personality, his deep voice and dimples. He knows a lot, it seems like he saw and experienced a lot too. Sometimes, he sounds like a Disney character, like he has a lot to show you but, you might be able to show him a lot as well, like he might just be the one you’ve been waiting for.

“Nope, but I like it.”, he concludes, quickly finishing the liquid, he decides Olympus’ lacking when it comes to drinks too. He’s about to add something, continue the conversation so he doesn’t have to overthink again but, as he’s about to ask for the song playing in the hall, his mouth stays agape. It can’t be, it can not. Somewhere far, almost in the very middle of the hall, a men stands in his light grey suit. He did not see him before, he doesn’t know where he came from. Jaehyun wonders if his mind’s tricking him, if he’s hallucinating, he knows some stuff on Earth can have this affect but definitely not Champagne. Short brown hair parted in the middle, slender and tall body, the last time the Cupid saw him, he had locks falling to his shoulder. Jaehyun wished the world could stop right at this moment, just so he could walk up to the men and detail his features, Jeonghan’s. His old tutor’s. His heart tightens, another weird feeling the brunette isn’t used to. He pushes the thought aside but, the more he stays here, the more Jaehyun feels human. Could it be him ? It’s been five years, he thinks to himself, can a Cupid reincarnate with the same body ? Do Cupids magically spawn on Earth at the same age they left Olympus ? Ah, for someone who wanted to strop overthinking, Jaehyun thinks he might overwork his brain at this very moment. But as he said when Jeonghan left, he’d recognize him in seconds, even on the blue planet. The way he speaks with a hand illustrating each of his word, a foot always in front like he wants to punctuate his slim, long body. The way he carries himself, head high, smile knowing, the way his eyes spark with malice.

“Jaehyun ?”, you ask, worried. You wonder at this very moment if he can support alcohol or, if he has a problem with big crowds. Whatever the case, your hand wraps around his wrist and you consider calling a cab for the both of you.

“Yeah- Yes, sorry. I though I saw someone I knew.”, he breathes out, though his eyes never leave Jeonghan, or Jeonghan’s doppelganger. “Yeah, you look like you saw a ghost.”, you mumble out, though you’re relieved when the brunette accepts the glass of water you offer him and laughs a bit, the sound resonating in the plastic cup. Ghost don’t look like that, the Cupid thinks to himself.

“Do you know Mr. Yoon ?”, you ask and, if he says yes, you wouldn’t even be surprised. As said, Jaehyun is a mysterious man you’d like to know more. “Let’s see him !” Poor thing, you barely give him a second to answer and almost drag him towards Mr. Yoon with a wide smile.

“Mr. Yoon ! Hi, I didn’t even see you come in.”, you greet the older men with a warm smile, Jaehyun isn’t aware yet but, you and him have a tight history together and, you respect the men greatly. “This is Jung Jaehyun, the new employee I’ve been looking over.”, you inform him, proud. The brunette’s heart might stop at this very moment, he made an effort to close his mouth but he doesn’t know if his eyes are still as wide, especially when the so called Mr. Yoon stretches a hand out with a smile. He knows it so well and yet.

“Oh, I see the student became teacher.”, same voice. Mr. Yoon smiles at you and it’s at this very moment that Jaehyun understand. When Jeonghan was his tutor on Olympus, he – or his look alike -, became your art tutor on Earth ? Jaehyun thinks he might go crazy, he has so many questions colliding against each other in his mind. Nonetheless, he politely shakes the men’s hand.

“Yeah, but I’m sure I’m not as good as a tutor as you were.”, you laugh a bit. Mr. Yoon slides a hand in his pocket, head tilting to the side as he details Jaehyun’s face, who’s trying his best to look unphased and professional. The same sharp eyes that looked over him for so long, Jaehyun would go as far as saying he’s the only paternal figure he’s ever had.

“Do I know you from somewhere ?”

This city never sleeps, it’s a known fact. It’s around one, maybe one and a half in the morning when you and Jaehyun decide to leave the gathering after saying good bye to as much people as possible. You could’ve taken a car but, the brunette proposes to walk you home and there’s no way you’ll refuse. The summer night’s warm, fresh breeze moving some leaves every now and then. Clubs are at their picks, neon flashing in every streets, different music mixing together. The streets are packed with citizens and travelers, some a bottle in hand, you even see a few groups dancing to mainstream music. The walk is a quick one, moving through crowded main streets. The Cupid sometimes look like a curious puppy, he always saw these things from above. Finally, streets grow less full when you enter the more residential side, near your home. There, the wind gets fierce and, the brunette doesn’t hesitate a second and takes his jacket off, draping the thick fabric of his suit over your naked shoulders.

“Did you have fun ?”, you ask a bit before spotting the street to your building, head lolling forwards at you check the state of your shoes. Jaehyun hums at your side, hands in his pocket. “I did ! I didn’t expect to meet so many people, though.”, he tells you and you laugh a bit at that, you remember being even more intimated for your first gathering.

“There’s more people each year. The first time, I dropped a glass full of punch on my dress.”, you tell the brunette with a sigh. You know everyone remembers it but thankfully, no one brought it up expect for one person. “Mr. Yoon made fun of me for like, three months.”

Mr. Yoon, here’s another thing bothering Jaehyun tonight. The same appearance, same voice, same attitude. The Cupid wonders if your old tutor’s indeed his old teacher as well. He can not help ask himself, especially when he noticed the men’s knowing when he left with you. The Cupid wonders if he should bring it up to his brothers tonight but, his thoughts are quickly cut when you point a building with a digit, probably where you live.

Oblivious to his thoughts, you step up the few stairs to the class door of your building, fishing in your small bag for your keys. What a convenient little thing, cute and able to hold your phone and keys, you find them in seconds. “Mr. Yoon seems really nice.”, is the only thing Jaehyun seems to find but thankfully, you don’t pick up on his tone. Using one of the keys, you open the thick glass door and lean against the frame, you’re not really ready to say good bye. There’s an adoring smile stretching your lips, it’s clear you hold Mr. Yoon close to your heart. “He is, I’m sure the two of you would get along.”, you breathe out and, it seems your brain isn’t completely on the subject. As Jaehyun climbs the step of your building, your eyes wonder on his figure for the nth time tonight. The sent of his cologne cocoons around you, it’s floral and strong at the same time, the heat and comfort of his suit’s jacket doesn’t help your heart beat. His white button up perfectly hugs his body, it’s tight around his arms, belt around his small waist. There’s a smile that tugs his lips and that’s when you understand he just said something you completely missed. Nice.

“I’m sorry, what did you say ? I’m a bit tired.”, you fake a yawn and Jaehyun steps closer, shoulder leaning against the second closed door. Obviously, he is tired too. His eyes are half closed, arms closed and he unconsciously leans forward. “I said, you look really good in that dress.”, he whispers out, like he’s scared he’ll wake your neighbors up. A pool of heat creeps to your cheeks but, you don’t break the eye contact the men installed. You wonder if you’re going too fast at this very moment, if you shouldn’t wait a bit more but, something pulls you in. It feels like the brunette might slip away at any moment now and so, you take a step closer.

You think about answering him first but, words seem to disappear from your memory when he doesn’t budge nor take a step back. It’s a sign, isn’t it ? You wish the brunette was not so complicated. It’s something you do by pure pulsion, instinct, without thinking twice. Your heels help you reach his face, a hand anchors itself with his collar and you bring him closer. Jaehyun is not clueless, he knows what’s happening and yet, he does not step away. Rather, he comes closer, closer, closer until finally. Finally, your lip softly meet his. It’s like kissing petals, soft and fragile. The brunette kissed a few deities before, more or less important and yet, he’s now kissing you like you’re the highest of them all. His hand cups your cheek lovingly, a shiver runs down your spine and his. So this, this is what it feels like, to kiss your soulmate ? There’s something familiar about it to Jaehyun, he wonders for a second time if he found you in another life. On the other hand, you melt easily into the kiss, pecking his pink lips with a breathy, dumbfounded laugh. You know it, if something was missing with your coach, with Myungdae, you’re sure Jaehyun has it, if not more to offer. You’re slightly out of breath when he pulls out, and he smiles down at you. Right then and right there, in front of your apartment building, you’re convinced he feels the same way. No words are spoken expect for a soft “Good night.”, when your door bips annoyingly but you don’t even pay attention. That night, you walk up the stairs to your apartment with a giddy smile, one you won’t get rid off until you fall asleep. Jaehyun, him, has the same smile. The same butterflies in his stomach. It’s crazy how someone can take over your thoughts, he doesn’t even think about the consequences of his actions, he doesn’t even think about the future. Next, what’s next ? The brunette doesn’t even worry about that, until he steps into his own home and he spots it. The little gold note on his table, name written on it in black ink. He already knows what it is. A request to come back to Olympus.

Asia’s Cupid has a lump in his throat the moment he accepts the request and, the soft golden cloud wraps around him like a duvet. Eyes closed, it takes a second for his body to materialize on Olympus again.

It grows the moment he steps foot on the higher ground again, after more than three weeks. Nothing has changed on the cloud above, except for Taeyong’s expression when he finally sees his brother again.

The brunette knows Olympus like the back of his hand but this might be one of his favorite areas. Five years ago, it’s in this very place him and his six brothers shot the white arrows after their ceremony. At the very border of Olympus, tall pillars and half destroyed statues, benches and rocks from previous fights between creatures that happened long ago, it’s always calm here nowadays. If Jaehyun steps a bit closer towards the sharp edge, and looks down, he’d see right above the clouds and the blue planet he now adores more than anything.

Taeyong waits for him under one of the biggest weeping willows, arms stretching to embrace his brother when he’s just close enough.

Taeyong might be a more serious Cupid, his features always soften whenever he sees one of the six other Cupids after a long time. This time, he looks worried still. Red, bushy eyebrows frown in front of his piercing eyes, it almost has the power to take the brunette back. It’s weird, to see him all alone, waiting for Jaehyun in a secluded area. Jaehyun wonders for a moment if something happened while he wasn’t there, if one of them got into a fight with a major God, if Jungwoo didn’t manage to take Jaehyun’s place. His thoughts are gone in a second, this is about him. He wonders if he knows, if they know. The Cupid wonders if Taeyong happened to be looking over him, he promised he would, after all. Jaehyun knows, he knows kissing a human during a mission is not something he’s supposed to do, he knows the unspoken rules of Cupids.

Jaehyun hugs his brother silently, like the both know things won’t be the same after this very conversation. “That’s a change in style.”, Taeyong lets out with a breathy laugh, an attempt to make things less serious before he gestures towards a bench under the tree. Jaehyun laughs a bit at that, he sure looks like a human lots in Olympus. The brunette sits on the cold marble, fingertips running on the smooth surface. “I know why you called me.”, Asia's Cupid look down for a moment, shoes kicking the almost white sand.

He thinks Taeyong might grown, scowl him, scream even. He'd understand it, he would but, the red haired's next move is one the brunette did not even think about. Ring hugged digits carefully lay on his own. It's a reassuring gesture, one Jaehyun looks at with eyes slightly watering. Poor thing, there are emotions he suppressed, they rush and crash over him at once and his head lols backwards.

“We told you not to get too attached.”, Taeyong softly says, crossing his arms over his chest. There's a tone the brunette can't really pick up on, at least it isn't disappointment. He tried to, Asia's Cupid thinks to himself. He tried not to get attached but he couldn't resist. Even if he tried to act like the most arrogant, detached person, he couldn't build a wall strong enough for you.

“I tried to, I—. I really did.”, he starts. Words block in his throat, he looks to the side, desperately trying to get his brother's eyes. When the red haired easily finds his pupils, it's like words flow out of his mouth. “She's my soul mate.”

Finally, finally he says it out loud. It's at this very moment, in front of Europe's Cupid that he lets it out in the world. There's so many questions, questions he passes onto the red haired. Jaehyun does not even know, he didn't know it was possible for him to have a soulmate and meet them. Taeyong doesn't even freeze, he simply hums, thinking to himself as his eyes wonder towards the horizon.

“I've heard stories like that.”, he starts, and Taeyong laughs to himself for a second. “I knew something like that would happen to you, eventually.”

“Stories ?”, Jaehyun asks.

“Hm. Stories where Cupids fell in love with a human. I heard a story through the grapevines once, about a Cupid finding his soulmate on Earth.”, there's a spark of hope in Jaehyun's chest. So he isn't the only one, it happened before. The brunette scoots closer to his friend, though Taeyong's eyes stay on the horizon for a moment.

“Sometimes, love doesn't need an arrow.”, he continues. Jaehyun's heart pumps faster at that, he thinks he might cry at this very moment, he doesn't even know why. “Some loves are faster, stronger.” If a love greater than his arrows, the Cupid can barely wrap his mind around it and yet, it doesn't seem to bother the red haired. His tone changes slightly, he gets more serious, this time he makes sure to look his brother in the eye.

“The stories I've been told never end well.”, Jaehyun knows it, Taeyong's only worried for him and his well being but he can't help and wonder. Isn't a love greater than Cupids' arrows worth living ?

“What happened to them ?”, asks Jaehyun but his brother only shrugs, that he doesn't know. “I don't know what to do.”, his voice's strangled as he confesses. He really doesn't. He quickly fell in love with the blue planet and everything it holds, the feeling how having people you don't know, strangers looking at you is a weird one he's starting to like. There's so, so many things he has to learn down, the thought only gets Jaehyun excited, a feeling he hasn't felt for a while. And then, then there's you. Jaehyun thinks he couldn't ever forgive himself if he ever lets you go. The Cupid won't ever forgive himself if he leaves you all alone. On one side, he has the chance of knowing and being aware of your bound, what if in his next life, you don't meet ?

And then, there's Olympus. All these thoughts and Jaehyun doesn't even know if he is allowed to leave his duties so abruptly, maybe they won't even let him go. And then, Jaehyun has his brothers. Six boys he, a few weeks ago, never thought he'd leave and there he is, wondering if he could live without them.

“It's your call. I can not tell you what to do.”, Taeyong's tone is a comprehensive one. Thought he isn't in his brother's situation, he sure can try and put himself in his shoes.

Staying with his brothers or starting over on Earth. No matter the possibility and outcome, it tugs at the brunette's Earth.

“This isn't a decision to take in minutes, or hours, even.”, the red haired says softly. And he's right. Like he's able to read his brother's mind, Jaehyun's twisting his brain in every way he can to find a solution, something that won't end up in heartbreak. A hand sneaks on his brown locks, a gesture Taeyong has whenever one of his brother's feeling sick.

“Take a few days, hm ?”, and Jaehyun nods. A few days to think, a few days for himself.

Saturday, there’s a lump in your throat too. A ball that expends inside of you, it tightens around your neck and it creeps deeper, deeper into your heart. Poisonous roots pierce into your muscle and twist at your guts until you need to curl on yourself to feel better, you think you might puke and stop breathing at the same time. Poor thing, you wonder how can Jaehyun have so much power over you, how his lack of response physically affects you. The gathering happened days ago, the kiss happened three day prior and yet, you don’t have any news from Jaehyun. None, not a phone call, not even a text, nothing. He disappeared into the night the moment he left you in front of your building. You at first texted him after you took a shower, changed into your pyjamas and removed all your makeup, resting in the comfort of your bed. A simple one, thanking him for the night and telling him you hoped he had fun, only hinting the slightest bit at the kiss, a giddy smile at his name on your screen. He did not answer. He didn’t even open the message. You brushed it off and went to sleep but, the afternoon after, something felt off. The rose glass was still in front of your eyes. It didn’t take long to shatter and fall down. If you knew, if you were aware of Jaehyun being your soulmate, you’d understand your connection runs deeper, you’d understand why your body seems to suffer as much as your mind. His anxiety and doubts manage to linger on your mind like a bitter aftertaste in the morning. It’s weird. You’ve been ghosted and ghosted people yourself at times, when you did not feel like having a deeper conversation or having another date. But this, this felt different, like there was another reason behind it, something you did not know yet. And again, he couldn’t really ghost you when he was your neighbor in your workplace.

Or could he ? You did not text him the day after the gathering but, on Friday, when he didn’t show up to work, you couldn’t help but think you screwed up. Thoughts kept you away from working, you wondered if he was okay, if you went too far. It was weird, it really felt like he wanted it too ? He didn’t take a step back, he even moved closer. He didn’t push back, he kissed back. And, when he left, he smiled like everything was more than fine, like you could expect more from him. Maybe he had a few more drinks than you thought and regretted it after but, you have to say, you thought Jaehyun was the type of guy to make things clear rather than disappearing all at once. Some, - maybe disappointment – creeped up in your chest at some point, a mix of emotions you now couldn’t comprehend.

Something does not feel right when they tell you he called in sick. You debate sending him another text and, after your second coffee break, you convince yourself you’re just acting like a friend. You ask him if he’s okay, you wonder again if you did something wrong but don’t mention it, a bubble of anxiety growing in your stomach. And again, he does not answer, you wonder if he even receives it.

Confusion and a sort of sadness suddenly changes into anger the moment Sooyoung visits you. Needless to say, you kept her updated on everything and on the third day of pure silence, she couldn’t keep it together. God bless her, she cancelled her plans with her crush – and soon to be boyfriend – to be with you. The red-haired’s like your very own emotion compass, validating your feelings you bottled up for days on end.

“I don’t- I just don’t get it.”, you let out for the nth time this evening, bringing your cold bottle of coke in the air. For the first time in a while, your friend stays dumbfounded, body ungracefully sat on your coach. Your friend had bought some things to eat and drink, though you could only find the force to indulge liquid.

“And it’s not like he wasn’t interested either !”, ah, Sooyoung’s the little voice in your mind. You vigorously nod at that, it’s clear your friend turns her brain again and again to find a reason, much like you are. You’ve been at it for hours now, ranting on and off, forcing your throat dry, babbling and tripping over yours words. It feels good, though, to have someone to rant to.

“Right ! He- It’s clear he wanted it too !”, you whine out and harshly let your body fall right next to your friend. Anger bubbles in your chest and your body’s first reaction to that is simple : water collects at the corner of your eyes. It’s unfair, it really is. Finishing the soda, you blur out something you didn’t think you’d tell her.

“I thought he could be the one.”, you abruptly say, so quickly Sooyoung has to process the words at a lesser speed. Head low, you play with the cold bottle between your hands.

Soonyoung loves you dearly, she really does. Many times, she thought of you as a soulmate in a friend and, it obviously hurts for the red haired to see you in such a state. Her hand rests right behind your head, fingers lacing in your locks. It’s a reassuring gesture while she finds her words, guiding your head towards her shoulder.

“Maybe he needs time to think. I know ignoring isn’t the right thing to do but, maybe he has a lot of things going on ?”

Sooyoung couldn’t be more right. If Jaehyun heard what she told you, she would’ve become his second favorite red-haired person. Poor Cupid has so much going on, too much to deal with. For days, his mind tried and tried again to find a solution, something where everyone would be happy. Poor thing doesn’t want to hurt everyone but, Jaehyun soon finds out things aren’t that easy, they never are. The brunette even thinks about spending a week on Olympus and a week on Earth but, he knows it would only be unfair for everyone. He cannot act like his brothers aren’t already overworked, like it wouldn’t be unfair to you to see him on and off without ever knowing why. A permanent headache clouds his mind and eventually, on Sunday, all he can think about is you. You’re all he can think about, all his thoughts go back to, all it revolves around. What are you doing, how are you feeling ? Are you mad at him ? The Cupid feels bad for leaving you like this but, he’d rather be sure of himself before speaking to you again. Jaehyun spends sleepless nights gazing out his window, he wonders again what his past like was like, if you were in his. And again, the thought of not having you in the next snaps the string of his heart. One night, as he gazes over the calm street next to his building, he even catches a couple having what the brunette thinks is their first kiss. Soft summer breeze as they step out of the cinema, they both stand awkwardly in front of each other as a car stops in front of them. Sweet, innocent love. The Cupid envies them.

Eventually, finally, it’s in the early Monday morning that the brunette finally understands. It’s around five in the morning, sun slowly rising over the city that doesn’t sleep, orange hue coloring the pale blue sky. Jaehyun took the bad habit of sleeping too late, lost eyes wondering outside as his brain never stopped.

The brunette finally understands. Him and humans aren’t so different, much like them, he needs a little heartbreak to move on. Which one would he rather experience, between the heart ache of never seeing you or never seeing his brothers, the brunette thinks he might know the one he’ll chose if he has to.

One thing he knows for sure, as he understands he only has a week left on the blue planet, he wants to be with you, next to you, more than anything else. You might refuse to see him, scream at him, - hell -, even slap him, Jaehyun doesn’t really care. He really doesn’t, he doesn’t either when his hand curls into a fist right before knocking on your door. He has to thank one of your neighbor for letting the door open, without checking twice and, his good memory when he checks for your last name.

Even if he slept all day, the slight dark circles under his eyes are there? Brown locks wavy from the lack of care, he wishes he did something more to his appearance the moment you open your door and, he swears to all the Gods and Goddesses above. It’s clear you just came back from work, hair matching his, sleeves of your white button up rolled up.

The moment he sees you, his thinks his heart might drop. Your initial shock, lips parted and raised eyebrow swiftly twist into an angry stare. Eyebrows furrowed, fading lips a straight line, you take a second to speak up. “What are you doing here ?”, you ask harshly. You almost fear it’ll come out like a whisper but, you stand your grounds. The surprise, confusion and anger you expressed bubbles up in your chest, you can’t believe he’d show up like this, out of the blue. But again, isn’t it better than just texting you like nothing happened ? You turn your back anyways, walking towards your leaving room in a hurry. Nonetheless, you don’t close your door in the brunette’s face, letting the opportunity open for the Cupid to take. And take it, he does. His usually calm behavior suddenly disappears, he quickly steps into your apartment, doesn’t even have a second to look at your home before chasing you blindly.

“I can explain.”, is the first thing he lets out in a blur. A white lie, Jaehyun can not explain everything yet, he fears you’ll run away, he knows it will be too much anyways. But, don’t get him wrong, he wishes he could. To that, you abruptly turn around, and there it is again, the lump in your throat. Can he explain ? You wonder, there so many unsaid things. Does he know why you’re mad, is he aware of what you’re feeling ? You almost want to blow up on him at this very moment but, decide against him when you notice the dark circles under his pretty brown eyes.

“Why didn’t you answer ? D-Did I do something wrong ?”, the crack in your voice you desperately tried to hide comes out when you least expect it, Jaehyun takes a step closer though, it’s clear he’s conflicted. He wants to touch you, hold you, so, so bad but he fears you’ll push him away.

“No ? No ! You didn’t.”, the Cupid gives in, his right hand lands on your shoulder the moment he’s close enough and he hates the way you look to the side. So many questions, you think now is the time to ask them, you’ve been sleeping on and with them for days now. God knows you do not want to sound harsh but the bitterness is clear in your voice. “It feels like you’re running away.”, you finally let out. The lump in your throat seems to disappear the moment you find the confidence to speak out. “Like you’re running away from…Me, what happened after the gathering.”

Poor Cupid sure is taken aback, he thought about all the things he wanted to say and yet, at this very moment, he can only open his mouth and close it again like a fish. “I am not, I swear I’m not. It’s just-.”

Maybe you should let him say his words but, you can’t stop the flow of words when the ball in your neck disappear, you don’t want to let the confidence slip away. Taking a step back, you desperately try not to get affected by Jaehyun. The way he looks at you, sorry puppy eyes, the way his bottom lip looks red and bruised from how long he bite on it. You refuse to let his sent and the cologne he seems to be imprinted in cloud your mind, you don’t want to let your body falls into the heat of his own, the one you’ve been craving for days.

“You feel it too. I know you do. I don’t know what it is, but. There’s something, between us.”, you start and, you’re almost shocked at the audacity you have. Jaehyun takes a sharp breathe at that, though he lets you finish your thoughts. “Don’t lie to me. Tell me you feel it too.”, there’s a small plea in your voice, Jaehyun can sense it, you’re hurt and he hates it.

He hates the fact you doubted his feelings. A hand runs in his messy brown locks, Jaehyun thoughts about everything he could say but, what he says next isn’t something he planned on. “I do. I was scared.”, and he was. He tells the truth and doesn’t make up lies, twist the reality to cover himself. At the end of it all, Jaehyun is scared, he’s terrified. He does not know what’s next, what awaits him eventually, in what position he’s putting you in.

You, on the other hand, slightly gets taken back by his quick honesty. Jaehyun takes a step forward and, you don’t flinch. The brunette ditches every long explanation he had, slightly shaky hands cupping your cheeks. If he held you like you were made of glass last week, he holds you like a bubble threatening to disappear at any moment, like an image out of his imagination. The Cupid holds you so he can melt his eyes into yours, trapping you in the chocolate, comforting hue.

It’s crazy, how his touch managed to calm your nerve down. Your shoulders flop down and you, for a moment, let your eyelids close halfway to appreciate the warmth. There’s a breath coming out of your lips, half exhausted, half calmed by his presence. But, your eyes fully close when he comes closer again, carefully. Jaehyun makes sure he isn’t crossing any border, he makes sure you don’t shy away from his touch.

“You overwhelm me.”, The Cupid traces on your lips.

Oh, to be loved by a Cupid, to be loved by Jaehyun. You quickly understand how intense it is.

This time, Jaehyun kisses you first. He fears he’ll lose the chance, he fears he won’t have a second chance. Plump lips softly press against your own and, when you process his actions, you finally give in. There’s a weight lifted up from your heart, he feels it too, that’s all you wanted to hear at this very moment. You finally acknowledge the hunger for his touch, for him. Fingertips softly trace over his sharp jaw and, the brunette easily gets it. Tilting his head to the side, the kiss grows deeper, and deeper. There’s no fight for dominance, just a harmonious dance, Jaehyun matches you and you match him. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”, the Cupid continues and, it feels like he has a lot more to say, he wants to make sure you know his reality. Voice deeper, chest irregularly moving up and down, he barely moves away. “I feel it too.”, he confirms again. The brunette will say it again if he needs to, he feels it too, he understands you, he knows.

You don’t answer, you’d rather show him. You chase after his lips, linking your arms around his neck just to bring him closer. “Don’t do that again.”, you half warn him before crashing your lips against Jaehyun’s again. The brunette quietly and breathlessly laughs at that, promising he won’t ever disappear like this. You discover more about him, tongue meeting his own for the very first time. He tastes sweet, something fruity lingers, probably the gum he was nervous chewing on before going to your home.

The Cupid’s hands get more curious as well, finding their place in the small of your back. Pink lips traces down your neck before placing a greedy kiss where your neck and shoulder meet. Such a simple touch, something you’ve felt before but, it’s different when it comes from the brunette. It’s crazy, the power he has on your body. Pearly teeth carefully catch the skin there and, you can not longer deny the heat that washes over you. It happens at once, the heat in the room seems a bit too much and your underwear gets uncomfortable.

Your hands creep up his chest, feel his body for the first time, you almost moan. Under your fingertips, even under the tick fabric of his white shirt, you can feel his muscles. Borders are blurry and, when your hands grip his collar, you hope you don’t cross anything.

Jaehyun wants to share your space, breath your air and yet, even if you’re the one walking him to your bedroom, he needs your verbal affirmation. “Are you sure ?”, Asia’s Cupid asks when he steps into your dimly lit bedroom.

It almost makes you laugh, giggle at his doe eyes contrasting with his wondering hands. You don’t care enough to turn the light off or even turn it on, your hands grip the middle of his shirt and you make his fit body follow you as you softly fall down on your bed. Jaehyun’s weak, he doesn’t even resist. Knees plant itself next to your hips, towering over you.

“’m sure, wanna drown in you.”, you confess right next to his ear. The brunette shivers at this, he hisses between pearly teeth. And, before he can even answer something, you tug a little bit more at his shirt. The Cupid easily gets the hint, grabbing the back of his top to take it off.

“Fuck.”, the curse slips out of your mouth before you can even process it. It’s ironic, you think he might be crafted by the Gods. You felt it under your fingers tips under the fabric but, his abs look marbled under the dim light of your bedroom. Every single one of Jaehyun’s nerves are on fire at this very moment. Digits work on the buttons of your shirt and, when you give him the green light, he does not hesitate.

His lips find the skin of your neck again, he pecks at the column of your throat and lets his tongue dip right between your collarbones. Jaehyun’s a messy lover, his kisses are long, he worships every new parcel of skin he discovers.

“Wait, let me help you.”, you breath out with a small laugh when the Cupid’s shaky hand sneak right behind your back. Arching your spine, you quickly undo your bra as the men finds your lips again. It’s thrown somewhere next to your bed soundlessly, Jaehyun’s mouth automatically wraps around your left nipple. Your fingers quickly sneak between his locks, nails softly gazing at the Cupid’s scalp. His tongue feels amazing on you, he coats your hard bud with saliva and doesn’t hesitate to softly catch it between his pearly teeth, pulling back.

“Jaehyun.”, you breath out when he turns his attention towards your second neglected bud but, you don’t care enough at this very moment. “Hm ?”, he hums against the skin right between your breasts, “So fucking pretty.”

As much as you enjoy all his attention, you don not think you can wait any longer. Your underwear’s too uncomfortable and you don’t think you can wait another five minute before completely, entirely feeling him. Unbeknownst to you, the brunette is as desperate. And so, when you beg for him to have you, right now, right next to his ear, he doesn’t think further.

Arms wrap around your waist, the brunette guides you to the middle of your bed. Everything happens quickly, then. Jaehyun helps you out of your skirt, you help him out of his jeans and boxers. The brunette doesn’t let you completely look at him for very long, but you have to say, the length of his shaft and the deep pink, wet by pre-cum head makes you mouth water. He hovers over you again after finding a condom in your bedside table. Jaehyun holds himself on his arms, on each side of your head but the slight weight of his body is comforting.

“So fucking wet, you’re dripping.”, Jaehyun almost hums to himself when he left two digits dip between your legs.

No words are spoken, expect for your verbal consent the moment the Cupid lines himself right in front of your wet folds. The tallest thinks he never felt more alive, you take his breath away, even more when his head pushes between your lips.

“Shit, so tight.”, he breathes out, slowly, inch by inch thrusting into your core. Like you were made for me, he almost says, but his words get caught in this throat the moment his last inch gets wrapped around you. His head falls in the crook of your neck, left hand resting on your waist.

It’s a slow, sensual pace you easily get used to, but the stretch of his cock doesn’t fade away. It’s a slight pain added to the pleasure, an addicting mixture you quickly grow addicted. You, on the other hand, don’t know where to touch, where to claw. You’re sure you’re leaving some deep marks on his back the moment the brunette almost entirely pulls out, right before slamming back in. Your own back arches at that, right hand grabbing onto his bicep.

It’s clear the Cupid enjoys the jolts of pain, hissing quietly whenever your nails create small croissant shapes on his pale skin. “Please, mark me.”, you beg breathlessly. Jaehyun might come at this very moment. It’s a possessive, primal, proud feeling that blooms in his chest when he understands. Mark you, mark you as his for everyone to see. The brunette hopes you’ll parade proudly with the purple petals he now creates against your throat.

“Mine.”, he groans against the skin of your neck, the words slips without him even thinking about it twice but, when you keen under it, he doesn’t hesitate to say it again, again and again on your lips. Mine, mine, mine. When your walls continuously clench around him, it’s almost too much for Asia’s Cupid. His composure crumbles down, it breaks down and his hips falter. Long gone is the sweet, soft pace he created for you, he chases his own orgasm and your own in deep, fast thrusts.

Uncoherent words tumble from your lips, Jaehyun conceals his own moans against your skin again, nose dipping into your hair. And, after a few thrusts that reach the deepest, you reach your high in a silent moan, Jaehyun’s lips kissing your tense forehead until he, himself, lets himself go. The broken moan he lets out as his seed spills in the condom might be the prettiest thing you’ve ever heard, you think in your daze.

There’s a comfortable silence broken by irregular breaths, Jaehyun’s brown eyes bore into yours the moment he understands what just happen. It’s even more comfortable when his strong arms wrap around your waist, his body falls into yours right before pulling you to his side.

“Holy shit.”, you let out after some minutes, a hand carefully lacing into the brunette’s locks. It hits you at this very moment too, a soft smile stretches your lips when Jaehyun hides his face in your chest.

“Yeah.”, he hums, keeping your body close. It seems he doesn’t have the energy to move too, you don’t blame him. “Can we stay like this ?”, he mumbles and, for a moment, you wonder what he’s talking about. Colleagues…with benefits ? The thought crosses your mind before you understands what his talking about. You’re so fucked out you barely registered the fact he’s still, in fact, in you. You clearly don’t mind, it still amazes you as well how perfectly he fits, even with his cock softening between your walls. “Not knowing where you begin…Where I end.”, he breathes out, letting out any thoughts his blurry mind creates.

There’s a small giggle from you and clearly, you agree to the proposition. It feels right, it feels domestic, intimate. Your arms finally wrap around his shoulders, chest against chest. You notice his hair smells like green apples and mint, he has little freckles here and there and soon enough, he’s sleeping peacefully in your arms. What a mysterious men, you think again. Thought this time, you smile to yourself, it seems he doesn’t mind opening up to you.

That night, Jaehyun finds he sleeps best in your arms.

“Jaehyun.”, you softly call out, stretching your muscles as best as you can. You have little room as the brunette’s arms are still firmly locked around your figure. It’s around eight in the morning and, by the way your phone’s beeping more and more loudly, you should be getting ready at this very moment. Though, you have to say, you’d much rather stay in your bed.

“Hm ?”, he hums, eyes still closed and, you wonder for a moment if he still remembers about work. You know he took a few days off but, he’s supposed to be back in office today, if you believe your manager.

The brunette clearly does not remember, you note when his lips peck right under your jaw.

“We’re going to be late.”, you whine and yet, your head rolls back enough for him to let his lips travel down your throat again. He adores on the bruises he left there the night before, slowly waking up. You have to say, he looks ethereal. The morning sun shines on his skin, the light bruises you left there contrasts against his epidermis, thin lashes batting up and down. Two deep dimples crave themselves in his cheeks when he looks up at your figure, rosy lips stretching at in a soft smile. Though an arm gives you a bit more space, the second one right under your body doesn’t let go.

He seems to remember about the night before slowly, low chuckle moving his chest. In fact, his cock’s still inside you. Condom discarded somewhere in the bin of your bathroom, Jaehyun easily fell asleep a second time after.

“Fuck, I forgot about that. I’m too tired.”, he confirms your doubt in his deep morning voice, one you weren’t ready for. It’s an octave lower, if that’s even possible and, it unconsciously makes you clench around him.

“About yesterday.”, Asia’s Cupid starts, using his hold on you to flip you on under him. It’s clear the brunette already loves having you like this. The small sound that comes from your lips when he does so makes him laugh again, eye still half closed. His right hand cups your cheek lovingly, a gesture you naturally lean on.

“Wanted to take you on a date first.”, he hums with a small pout, though it’s clear he isn’t unhappy with the outcome of the night before. Neither are you.

“I’m free this Friday.”, you tell him teasingly. Unbeknownst to you, Friday’s one of the last days he has on Earth. But, the slight movement of his hips doesn’t go unnoticed. Your eyes narrowed, giving the young men a look, fakely annoyed. You can feel him getting harder by the second, from the moment he flipped you over.

“Then, I’ll pick you up on Friday, after work ?”, he hums and you nod, a hand grabbing onto his bicep again when his moves get bolder.

“Jae’. We barely have an hour to get ready.”, you tell him. It’s half hearted, you both know you’d much rather let him have you a second time than go to work again but, you have projects to finish today and-.

“That should be enough.”, Jaehyun answers almost too quickly.

You find out saying no to Jaehyun is a hard thing. Correction, controlling yourself when Jaehyun looks like the purest incubus is hard. And so, when you bite down on your lower lip and look over at the time on your phone, the brunette already knows he won.

It’s easy when the Cupid already knows the route to your bathroom, when the two of you are already naked and riled up from the night before. Your legs lock on top of his hips and the cold water managed to wake you up at once. You slightly hit the brunette’s shoulder with a whine and his only answer’s to harshly push your back against the cold wall of your shower.

“I didn’t even brush my teeth.”, you whine out after Jaehyun plants the first hungry kiss of a few more, arms lazily resting on his shoulders. “I don’t care.”, the brunette groans out. And he clearly doesn’t, his hands firmly hold your thighs and his now hard shaft finds the same punishing rhythm he had the night before.

“Fuck, how are you already- Thought you were tired.”, you half mock, sentence cut short when he pushes into you deeper, harder.

“I’m not when it comes to fucking you.”, he confesses and, long gone are the street words he whispered out in your ear the night before. It’s like a switch being flipped, how last night’s slow thrusts turn into harsh, quick snaps. You don’t complain, though, not when he has you moaning in seconds. The water quickly turns hot, just the right temperature, droplets run down the brunette’s back, wetting his locks.

“God, you’re so good.”, you breathe out. Jaehyun’s intensely looking at you through his wet locks, agonizing smile stretching his lips. At this moment, the both of you know you’re already close. He brings you close, so close to your orgasm in minutes. Pride swells in the Cupid’s chest, he doesn’t let his pace falter and in fact, quickens.

“Fuck, keep clenching around me like that. You feel heavenly, baby.”, Jaehyun lets out, forehead resting against your shoulder. His lips find your skin again, pecking the droplets of water away as he feels you bending under his commands, clenching until he finds the right spot to hit again and again. You take minutes to come under his thrusts, head softly hitting the wall of your shoulder. Eyes closed, you see stars the moment he gives a particularly harsh snap of his hips and holds you there when he feels you coming around him, without any barrier.

The brunette’s breathless and, so are you. The background noise of the stream of water becomes white noise, senses hyper focusing on his small whines when you move your hips. He’s sensitive, so sensitive his groans turn into small whines.

Long gone’s the worry for your job and the time you have left when you let your feet touch the floor of you shower, slightly shaky, you drop to your knees in front of the men. The sight is enough for him to let out a sigh, looking up like he, himself, cannot believe he has someone like you in such a position. The brunette’s large hand easily find a purpose in your hair, gathering the locks until they’re out of your way. Finally, when you yesterday didn’t get a to detail Jaehyun’s cock, you can now have a better look. Hand wrapping around his shaft, the weight is pleasant, though you’re sure it’ll be even more on your tongue. Wet, he’s already leaking pre-cum, head a deep pink and you’re wondering how he can keep his composure when you let your tongue flat travel from the base to the tip.

“Fuck, Y/N. Thought we didn’t have much time ?”, he tease, twisting the narrative with a knowing smile. You look up at him with doe eyes, lips wrapping around his head and you suck lightly, enough to get a ripped moan from his pretty lips.

“You’re just impatient.”, you tell him, though you can’t help but take him in your mouth anyways. Indeed, the heavy weight and slight lingering taste of your juices makes you hum around him, vibrations that have him moaning lowly.

You manage to take most of his shaft in, hallowing your cheeks, using a hand to lazily stroke the rest but, after a few minutes, the men takes things in his hands. He definitely loves control. “Let me fuck your mouth.”, he mumbles out and, when you hungrily nod your head, his grip on your hair tightens. He keeps your mouth where he wants it and, slowly starts moving his hips.

It’s a harsh pace you silently indulge, his head hits the back of your throat a few times and it’s clear he’s close when he doesn’t even know how to form coherent words, hips harsher. His cock pulsates in your mouth and, when he takes it out without a warning, you almost whine and pout before understanding. His hand wraps around his base and you have to say, the sight is sinful. Body wet, face contouring with pleasure, he quickly pumps his dick in his head before he eventually comes in long strings. You, on the other hand, hungrily collect anything landing on your needy tongue.

Cleaning all you can, Jaehyun’s eyes stare for a while, he thinks he might get hard just because of that, when your fingers collect any remaining semen before popping them into your mouth.

“Fucking greedy slut.”, he groans out, almost in misbelief when his fingers hook under your jaw, forcing you up. You think he’ll clean the both of you there but, you surely don’t expect it when he abruptly turns you around, forcing your chest against the cold wall again.

“What are yo-.”, you start, but get abruptly cut by a moan you barely recognize. Jaehyun easily stuffs two fingers into your core. They definitely aren’t as big as his cock but, you’re sensitive, squirming around at his middle and fourth finger.

“Not letting you go until I make you come again.”, he mumbles again the skin of your shoulder and you stop moving around the moment his fingers scissor your around your walls and puts his free hand right next to your head.

“I c-can’t.”, you mumble out, and yet, your hips move back against his hips when he slows down.

“Take it.”, he commends, a tone in his voice you never heard and yet, you love it. It’s demanding and you let your forehead rest against the wet wall. His fingers are fast, lewd sounds drown in the water. There’s a low chuckle from the brunette when you threaten to come so quickly it would’ve been embarrassing with someone one. “Come on.”, he whispers out, a hand grabbing your head. He forces you to look at his, hungry lips crashing into your own. “You’re gonna get us late.”

The next days feel surreal for the brunette. He feels like a normal human, entirely, fully. Wednesday, dead of the night, Jaehyun might remember that night his entire life. He never had you in his bed and yet, it feels empty without your presence. The Cupid understands what not being with your soulmate feels like and, he doesn’t even want to know what it’d feel like to be in Olympus while you stay on the blue planet. He doesn’t, he can not even think about it. There, as Jaehyun mixes his overcooked noodles, all he can think about is having you on his coach waiting for him while he cooks. There, he takes his decision. Jaehyun wants everything you have to offer, he wants to share thoughts and secrets, share pointless and deep conversations, he wants to share comfortable silences and create new memories. He wants to create inside jokes he knows will make you laugh whenever he brings them up again.

There’s so much the Cupid wants to discover with you, from your favorite spots to your favorite food, the spots that make you weak and the ones that make you giggle. He wants to be here for your highs and lows, your big defeats and small victorious. He wants to be your favorite shoulder to cry on and the one you think about to celebrate. He wants you at your best just like he knows he can have you at your worst. Jaehyun wants you to love him just as much as he feels himself falling deep, deep for you.

Your texts make him smile and he doesn’t even hesitate to answer the minute he gets them. Your song, movie, show recommendations ? He notes them, listens and watches, gives a report whenever he can. He sends some back, he calls you when he cooks and can’t understand an instruction.

When he sleeps, Jaehyun dreams about you and all the things the two of you could have, you’re all he had think about and he does not complain, he’s infatuated, enamored, smitten, he learns a new word every day to express how captured he is.   And, on Wednesday night, as he falls asleep early for work, he has another flashback. Right between the lands of dream and reality, the border blurry. He sees the same girl with deep brown hair, setting unfamiliar. There’s a child he does not recognize and, when he wakes up, he realizes they both had your eyes.

It’s even better in real life. If the conversations used to flow naturally before, they hold something else now, a knowing flirt. Right between close friends and more, and dating. Firm glances are exchanged alongside some smiles here and there.

“Here !”, at this point, the brunette recognizes your voice by the second. He looks up at you with happy eyes in croissants. You have his favorite drink in your hand, peachy iced tea from a coffee shop down the street. “Ah, thank you so much.”, he pouts a little, the attention brings something that blooms on his chest.

“You’re welcome !”, you tell him, walking around to sit in your cubicle, next to him. Flopping on your seat, you quietly sip on your drink for a moment while scrolling and double checking your project, one you should be handing over tonight. “How’s your project going ?”, you ask him, leaning on the side. The small wall between the two of you is thin but, it does the job when it comes to blocking the view. Unfortunately.

“Almost, I should be done by the end of the week…Or next week.”, the brunette’s throat goes dry for a moment, when he mentions next week even if, even if he does not know if he’ll still be there by then. You obviously don’t notice it, humming at his computer screen. He told you he went to Paris for his art studies and you have to say, he sure has the level. Jaehyun is working on a more illustrative publicity campaign for some kids book and, for someone who just started, his propositions are great.  

“Oh, Jaehyun ! It looks great !”, you coo. “That’s really pretty.”, you tell him, catching your straw between your lips. Ice cubs hitting against each other, you shake your cup a little in order to get some blueberries at the very bottom.

“You’re pretty.”, the Cupid breathes a bit quietly, the two of you are still in your workplace and he doesn’t want to draw any unwanted attention from others by talking too loudly. Still sipping on your drink, you look up at the brunette with some surprised eyes before rolling them at him. “Smooth.”, you sarcasm, but smile at his attempt anyways.

“Right. Are you impressed ?”, Asia’s Cupid asks lowly and by now, you know this tone too well. Setting his pen aside, he leans aside too, meeting you halfway. If any of your colleagues looked over at this very moment, you’re sure they’d get the picture easily. His face’s too close to be anything friendly, his breath fans over your lips and you have to say, your eyes get lost in his. He holds eye contact and you don’t dare breaking it but, even in your slight daze, you’re still aware of the setting. You grudgingly pull back and let your back rest on your chair before heat burns your cheeks. There’s a chuckle from the brunette, one that rips a glare from Daeyong.

Do you enjoy it ? The slight anger flashing in front of his eyes and decomposition of his features when he understands ? Maybe, but you like Jaehyun’s smug smile when he gets it a lot more. If it looks like nothing more happens after, if it looks like Jaehyun works like a good employee after, you’d be very, very wrong. A hand stays firmly on your thigh, thumb stroking the covered skin of your leg. Jaehyun can not keep his hands to himself, he barely can. His eyes lower to your lips whenever he talks to you, whenever he catches you speaking with someone else. He stares for a bit too long at your figure and legs whenever you take a small break.

Can you blame him, though ? You’re almost as bad, drinking in the sight of his side profile whenever you doze off, detailing his hands when he adds the final touches to his project, unconsciously leaning closer.

Thank god, you and him manage to keep things calm until the end of the day. Until you gather all your files and documents, drop them in due time to your boss and finally, finally get a hold of your bag. Jaehyun waits for you like you usually did, walks you to the elevator and, when the brunette notices the emptiness of the elevator, he does not think twice. A finger quietly pushes at the “close doors” button and, when the grey metal doors slide in silence, he pushes you against the wall.

His free hand softly creeps up your neck, ring hugged digits wrap around your throat just enough for you to bend under his will and movements when he pushes you backwards. They’re cold against you skin, make goosebumps rise under them. “Jaehyun, wh-.”, the sound gets caught in your throat, knocked out of your lungs. The brunette does not even answers, he has a few floors for timing, he’d rather crash his lips against yours. He’s been thinking about it for hours, hitching to get closer to you. The kiss is bruising, his grip around your neck tightens until you whine at the gesture, hand flying to his brown locks. As you’ve found out, Jaehyun’s intense. He loves hard. Pearly teeth bite down on your lower lip, enough you know you’ll have a small bruise there and, his tongue softly smooths the abused spot before pushing the muscle between your awaiting lips.

It’s dangerous, how easily the Cupid puts you in a daze, a distorted reality where he’s the lighthouse in the fog. The taste of his peachy drink lingers on his muscle, on you teasingly suck on but, as he’s about to put his knee between your legs, a voice breaks the two of you apart.

“Floor zero !”

Jaehyun has lived next to and with Gods and Goddesses, has deities and other figures throwing themselves at him on Olympus. The brunette and his brothers have a halo of glamour and inaccessibility over them that has many gushing over them. He, at times, did fall under their charms, a pleasant experience for the both of them but never did the Cupid find it necessary to contact again, make it happen a second time. A one time thing he kept to himself, everyone knows how these things can turn into cruel revenges on the cloud up. But, Jaehyun always comes back to you. He has you tattooed under his skin, creeping and making a home for yourself in his heart, leaving an everlasting mark he’d proudly show off. With you, he has something else he did not have with other, a connection running deeper. He’s aware of it, he’s been for weeks. Simply said, Jaehyun understands quickly that physical contact with your soulmate is different. It feels different. After all, the brunette believes in the original soulmate myth, the very tale that depicts humans as one before they got separated. Reuniting as one is bound to be unlike any other thing he ever experienced. And so, Asia’s Cupid finds himself craving for you much more than he thought he would. It’s the thrill of the beginning, he thinks, but he finds himself sending a rather risqué text anyways. Thursday night, Jaehyun lays in his still made bed, typing and deleting. Should he ? Should he send this text ? It’s something the brunette never did before, it has the power to color his cheeks a soft pink.

What are you doing at this moment, in the dead of the night, he wonders. The Cupid never knew how vivid his mind was, he surprises himself when he easily pictures you in your bed, just like him. Fuck it, he thinks, and his thumb quickly presses the send button.

Ah, if Jaehyun has a vivid imagination, you have a good memory. Teasing words in a grey text bubble, it’s crazy how you manage to have his voice re-act it in your mind. What are you doing at this very moment ? Thinking about him but, you wouldn’t tell him right away. Two can play that game, he’s good at teasing and you are too.

The Cupid has to say, sexting is quiet fun. He finds himself typing things he would’ve said without an once of shame, he definitely did not expect his body to react so obediently to the words you say back. Soon enough, Jaehyun has his eyes glued to his screen, impatiently awaiting for your next words. Is it him or, is it getting too hot in his room ? Unbeknownst to Asia’s Cupid, he peels the fabric of his shirt off of his body just as you do so, getting rid of superficial clothes as texts get riskier, riskier. The brunette has your mouth parting at some of his crude words but, the gasp that leaves your mouth when Jaehyun sends a picture might wake your neighbors up.

Large hand wrapped around his veiny shaft, you stare at the picture for a bit too long. He’s hard, head a pink shade you don’t doubt is getting shades deeper by the moment. You can almost feel the weight on your tongue again but, when he starts typing again, you quickly snap a picture back.

Texts get sent hectically, not double checked, body kilometers away seems in sink, a single and common goal in mind. An orchestra in two different homes, your fingers don’t feel as good as his and, his around his cock doesn’t feel as good as your mouth. Dirty confessions are sent, he controls your pace from afar, telling you went to go faster and went to go slower.

In the middle of the night, you quietly come with each other in mind.

Tic, tac.

Friday. Times flies much quicker on the blue planet, Jaehyun knows it and yet, when he understands that he barely has three days left, he panics. He has much, so much to do. The brunette needs to get back to Olympus and he has too much to say, he pushed it away, wants to forget about it until the very last second. Tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow, he tells himself again and again. After the date, he tells himself.

The date, Jaehyun promised he’d come pick you up and, a few hours after work, he’s patiently waiting in front of your building. The car he was given at the beginning of his mission, he did not think he’d use but, here he is. It’s a pretty car, he has to say. A glossy black, a brand he read about once, his fingertips drum on the wheel. Poor thing is trying to push any thoughts of Olympus and his deadline aside and thankfully, he manages to the moment you step out of your building. You’re wearing something simple, but it isn’t your outfit Jaehyun is looking from afar. The sun shouldn’t set anytime soon but, the burning star’s less aggressive than it was earlier, leaving an orange hue on everything it touches.

It caresses your skin and makes it glow, soft breeze sending your locks aside like the second time he ever saw you. You give the brunette a small smile when you enter his car, you never knew he had such a nice vehicle and aren’t ashamed when you detail It with attention. Leather seats, tinted windows, it would’ve easily blended in during the other week’s gathering.

“Hi again.”, you tell him softly, slightly giddy at the thought of a date with the men.

“Hi.”, he answers, sweet smile tugging at his lips as he looks at you closely. At this moment, you finally notice he looks at you like you hold every star in your pupils, butterflies threatening to escape from your stomach.

The car ride is a calm one, but you sure appreciate the comfortable silence between the two of you. You sure are curious, Jaehyun never told you where he was taking you. The car passed by the building of your residential area, pretty buildings flash by until you get to the middle of the city, busier area alive as people get out of their house to eat with friends and family. The city’s lights aren’t on yet, but Seoul’s neon never die, they flash in the dim sunlight as Jaehyun’s car cuts through streets just to get away from it.

Tall buildings turn into small streets, less fancy buildings and, when you’re out of the city you look over at the brunette with a questioning look. “Where are we going ?”, you ask him as the playlist he made from songs you sent restarts. Cars get rare, grass grows abundantly at the sides of the road and you can barely see any building close enough to be a restaurant.

“You’ll see.”, he tells you with a knowing smile and, when he gestures ahead with his chin. And you see it. In the middle of an empty field, multicolor lights flash on and off. You see the big wheel just starting to slowly rotate and you can’t help the smile growing on your lips. Excitement bubbles in your chest, like a child going to Disneyland and you gasp softly when the car gets closer for you to detail the funfair even more.

You knew one was held a bit further from Seoul but, you thought you wouldn’t get the chance to go. You didn’t know when nor who drag with you, Sooyoung already had her almost boyfriend and all your friends were busy. “Are we ?”, you ask in misbelief, almost hopping on your seat.

“Yeah, I hope you didn’t go before-.”, he starts and you immediately cut him off. “No, no ! I wanted to go but didn’t have anyone to drag with me.”, you laugh out before pointing at all the rides you want to try.

“Good, I really wanted to take you here.”, he hums while parking his car nearby.

Jaehyun loves the idea of funfairs, he loves what he read about them and what he saw but this, being in the middle of the big metal structures and colorful light, he loves it. He buys a bunch of tickets and you, at some point, have to stop him. Poor thing doesn’t have the experience, he doesn’t know how many things he can do in one night. He’s a happy puppy in the middle of a lot of noise, he recognizes a few songs blasting on the speakers and he stays stuck in front of big cotton candies and candy apples. Everything smells sweet and Asia’s Cupid doesn’t know what he wants to taste first but decides against it when he remembers what else he prepared. Jaehyun uses all his tickets on you and lets you pick all the rides and games you want to play, he holds your hand when rides get too intense, locks sent away from the harsh breeze when the car rolls down a high hill. He laughs at you the moment you scream in the haunted house, he tells you ghost don’t look that friendly but he wraps an arm around you the moment he sees the pout on your lips. You might feel like a high school student the moment he tries to win you a random plush, you discover he’s pretty bad at throwing things or, the game is rigged. You feel even better when you end up winning a plush for Jaehyun.

“Do you want to do this one again ?”, Jaehyun hums, lips against your temple. He points at the first ride you went on. It was fun, went backwards at some point but you were too hungry to do anything else. Curling against his side, you move your head left to right. “I’m hungry. Do you want to eat ?”, you propose on buying him anything, knowing how he almost drooled in front of the stand.

“I already got us something.”, the Cupid informs, lips traveling to your cheek.

“Let me spoil you.”, you pout, looking up at the tallest. A small smile grows on his lips, eyes travelling to the stand where all the candies are displayed. Maybe he wants popcorns, but he already had them before. Cotton candy looks too sticky and sugary and, candy apples look way too good. Shiny coat on red apples, his choice is set. “Get me a candy apple, then.”

“What did you bring ?”, you ask curiously as the brunette brings you back to his car. By now, the sun started the set, your stomach rumbles and you wonder what exactly he has prepared when he opens the bot of his car. You have to say, you expected a generic date at a restaurant but this, this was much better. You’re sure Jaehyun would be able to make any date interesting but the way his eyes glittered with the lights and how he wasn’t scared to scream during rides truly made you understand how precious the men was.

“Picnic.”, he simply says, taking out a brown basket from his car. If your friends asked you, you think you’ll be able to pinpoint the very moment you truly fell in love with Jaehyun. He takes you by the hand and tells you he couldn’t find a hill high enough for the picnic, like a shy boy on a very first date. He swiftly pushes the back seat of his car down but takes his cute green picnic cloth nonetheless, placing it in his car.

“Ma’am.”, he says, voice sultry when he offers his hand. You fall in love the moment his digits slide between his, you use the support to climb onto his car.

You fall in love the moment he open his small basket and you see the sandwiches he prepared and how the only bought drinks you like and desserts he wanted to make you try. You fall in love the moment he takes out two pieces of the very cheesecake you love too much. His sandwiches have too much condiment and not enough salad, but you might let it slide when you catch the Cupid with some mayo at the corner of his mouth. Though, you have to say his chocolate cake is the nicest thing you’ve ever tasted.

You’re full and tasted everything Jaehyun bought for you when the night falls, bight lights of the fun fair still enlightening the field around. Conservation flows easily, as always and, you pick at a lose thread, half laying in his car.

“Do you believe in soulmates ?”, you at some point, ask. It visibly takes the Cupid back, he was sipping from the red plastic cup and stops at once. Tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth, he hums a little, or maybe he breathlessly laugh.

“I do.”, he simply says and, the both of you know nothing more needs to be said. Knowing smiles, hands brush against each other when the comfortable silence settles, and you help him clean everything.

“There, best for last.”, you tell him after Jaehyun puts anything empty in a nearby bin and everything else in his basket. You don’t know it yet but, this basket, this cloth, he bought them just for the occasion. Taking the candy apple from your bag, you unwrap it and hand it towards the brunette. And, instead of taking it into his own hand, Jaehyun softly leans closer to you, lowering his head before biting down on his apple. The hard, caramel coat cracks under his pearly teeth, humming when the mix taste of the sugar and the apple coast his tongue.

“Do you like it ?”, you ask, attention caught by the men’s lips, thin coat of sugar on the plum flesh. “Try it.”, he says after nodding, and you do so. Biting down on the apple, you laugh a little when you struggle to completely detach a piece of the fruit. “Hm, it’s good.”, you tell him, chewing on the small piece you stole. The brunette takes the stick into his own hands and happily eats the candy away.

“Thank you for today.”, you tell the Cupid after you’ve helped him push his backseat up again. Sat on the leather, Jaehyun leaning, body half outside as the door’s still open. Looking up at you after securing the seats, he smiles up at you proudly, he doesn’t tell you but he struggled to put everything together after all, he never went on one until now.

“I’m happy you liked it.”, he whispers out, laughs and screams from the funfair still hear from your spot. He leans a bit and, you take the chance in your hands to lean as well, quickly pecking his lips. He tastes just like the apple candy he ate a bit earlier, and the single peck you wanted turns into a second, a third. Jaehyun laughs a bit against your lips, breaking the exchange whenever he does. He definitely isn’t the only one who can not keep his hands to himself, he thinks when your hands wrap behind his neck.

“I loved it.”, you mouth against his plump lips. His body follows when you lean backwards, his knee planting itself in the leather seat of his car. The place’s small, his right hand grips into to top of the head rest so he doesn’t crush you but you still feel the light breeze.

“Close the door.”, you whine out and, when Jaehyun understands, his eyes morphs from a surprised look to a hungry, lustful one in seconds. As said, you’re like a switch in the brunette’s brain. You don’t have to tell him twice, the Cupid leans back to close his car’s door and swiftly gets back on top of you. The slight weight of his body’s familiar now, something you appreciate and sigh against his lips when he finds his place between your legs.

“Here ?”, he wants to make sure, though his full lips travel down your throat anyways. He knows the path by heart now, finding the spot right between your collarbones. “Don’t you want to go home first ?”

You’d almost laugh at how careful he is. A hand grip his hair hard enough that he sighs, bringing his face close to yours again. “Here. I don’t care.”, you reassure him and, Jaehyun does not need more.

“I can’t get enough of you.”, the brunette sighs against your skin, fingers quickly working on the buttons of your shirt. It’s quick, hectic, the place’s already close and it seems the need crashed over the both of you like trucks. Jaehyun lets your shirt fall open, hand cupping one of your breasts over your bra, lips leaving long, deep kisses from your collarbones to the line of your jeans. He looks at you then, doe eyes centimeters away from your core.

“Jae’.”, the nickname makes him sigh against the skin of your hip, digits working on his own shirt. “Fuck me, take me.”, you whisper out, almost desperately. If the brunette looked ethereal before, he looks utterly out of this world when his body hovers over yours. The car shelters you from the sounds of the fun fair but, the tinted windows do not block the colorful lights. Blue, red, violets, yellow, they dance on his milky skin, they contrast against the bruises you left on his epidermis and the healing scratches on his back.

If the light doesn’t manage to catch his face, they reflect on your features and has the Cupid staring for a bit too long, the way the blue light softly enlightens your cupid’s bow, the purple light adorns on your cheeks and the red color falls at the top of your eyebrow. They reflect in your irises, change at every blink.

“Shit, you’re breathtaking.”, he confesses against your mouth, pearly teeth biting down on your bottom lip before tugging softly at it. Hands work on the buttons of your jeans and, the heavy fabric gets lost in the small, closed place. It feels like just like the morning after, things are passionate and rushed, your own hands work on his pants but it’s clear the desperation is too high for more foreplay.

You’re thankful the car is set far enough you think no one will walk next to it, you’d be quiet ashamed if anyone hears you. There’s a high pitched gasp that tumbles from your lips when the Cupid presses his clothes hard on against your panties and uses an arm to help you sit up, on his lap. Your mouth finds his again, it’s all tongue and teeth, a string of saliva connects your tongues when you pull back and watch his expression change when you slowly grind against his shaft.

The blue light falls on his jaw, tightening the moment you roll your hips against his, head falling back against the head rest. His hand runs in his hand and stays at the top for a moment, enjoying you taking the control, green light accentuates the veins bulging around his digits. Soft sighs fall from his lips and you make a point when you don’t kiss him at this very moment, drinking in everyone of his sounds. You might need to thank the lack of light, you already know you’re leaving a wet spot on the men’s boxers. His hands help you find a pace, delicious friction against thin fabrics, you can make the outline of his cock but, you’d be even happier with his shaft buried in your walls.

It seems he has the same thought when the brunette swiftly moves in the small space again. Now behind you, he pushes your upper body against the seat, giving you a view of the funfair you two were in hours ago, where innocent kisses where exchanged. Your arms lay on top of the head rest and, you don’t hesitate to arch your back a little, pushing your bottom against the brunette’s crotch.

There’s an appreciative groan from him, Jaehyun’s hands are quick to help you out of your panties. You think he’ll do the same with his boxers but, when you feel his heavy breathe against your wet core, you understand he has other plans in head.

“Want to taste you so fucking bad.”, he mumbles against the skin of your thighs, lips leaving kisses everywhere but where you need it the most. You cry out desperately, unable to create words to express yourself. “Can’t hear you.”, he teases you, a single digit running between your wet folds.

“Please.”, your heart bumps so fast it resonates in your ears, your forehead falls against your arms and you speak up again. “Please, Jaehyun. Touch me, want your mouth.” And on cue, his tongue finally collects your juices on the pink muscle. He groans, it comes from his chest and sends vibrations against your core, mouthing against it. “God, you’re so sweet. Sweeter than candy apple.”, he sighs, tongue pushing deeper. The muscle easily pushes pass your lips and laps, switching between using his tongue and wrapping his lips around your clit.

You already the brunette was good with his mouth by the way he took your breath away at every kiss but, he has you moaning in seconds, his lips work wonders around you and you have to muffle your moans, mumbles and whines against your arm. Kitten licks and long stripes, he quickly brings you to the very edge. By now, Jaehyun knows the way your body works. He understands when your hips struggles between his grip, desperately trying to quickly chase your orgasm. You’re close, so close, the fear of staining his seats is long gone when you beg him to go faster but, when the bubble grows tighter and tighter, it suddenly bursts the moment he pulls away. It’s cruel, how your high fades away, it’s unsatisfying, almost makes tears pool at the corner of your eyes.

“Why did you-.”, you ask weakly, looking back at the brunette.

“I want you to come around me.”, he says, coming back at eye level. Light casts on his lips, shining from your essence.

“Fuck me, then.”, you taunt, and the devilish smile on his lips foreshadows what comes next. His boxer quickly gets thrown next to his pants. Heavy cock he slaps a few times against his palm, you hear the weight and almost salivate. But, you’ll have time for that after, you think. His free hand reaches for your bottom but, he underestimates his force and his palm slaps against your ass without a warning. The sound resonates in the car and quickly follows a ripped moan from your lips.

“Should’ve known.”, the brunette starts, fakely disappointed sigh coming from his lips. “Should’ve known you were into that.”, and he reiterates the act, palm harshly slapping against the skin. You whine at that, heat creeping into your cheeks. At each slap, he smooths the skin right after, softly rubbing at the flesh. It gets you even wetter and when you fear you’re going to drip all over his seats, Jaehyun brings his red head to your lips, collecting the translucid liquid.

Before you can even beg him again, he easily pushes the first inch between your walls, a sigh coming from the both of you. It still feels like the first time. Though, now he know exactly how you like it. A few inches in, the brunette doesn’t hesitate and rams in, in a swift motion. His hips pick up a punishing pace, it’s clear he chases both your orgasms. One hand rests on your hip while the other arches your back.

Skin slapping against skin, you try to muffle your moans against your arm but, Jaehyun doesn’t care. Deep groans, he doesn’t take your silence. His hand on your back creeps up, fingers lace in your hair and he abruptly yanks, pulling your back against his chest. No way to hide your moans, you whimper pathetically. His thrusts turn slow, deep, hard. Face next to your own, his second hand moves to your jaw, holding it tightly. You might have to wear concealer there, by the way his fingertips dig at your skin, lips mouthing against your cheek.

“Don’t hide from me. I want to hear you.”, he demands, and you bend under his wants. His name falls from your lips again and again, the fading orgasm he denied you moments prior comes running back and it isn’t long until your walls tighten around him.

He breathes, moans and whisper whatever comes into his mind into your ear, only for you to hear, it sends shivers down your spine and you know, you know it’ll stay forever engraved into your mind. How his low, deep, breathless voice muses at how good you feel around him, how slutty you are for him and only him. How you were made for each other and how he was fucking you like you deserved to be. Your moans turn silent, breathless and, Jaehyun understands you’re close before you do. He gives you the silent permission when one of his hands deep down, digits circling around your clit.

It takes seconds for you to fall apart, your walls tighten around him, grip him and you come in a ripped scream that might catch the attention, you don’t see. You don’t see because you have to close your eyes, tears threaten to fall and stars flicker in front of your eyelids, you’d fall forward if the brunette didn’t have such a tight grip on your body. He follows quickly behind, groans against your neck and spills in long, white strings. He fills you up and makes sure you feel it, slow movements of his hips. Breathing heavy, you hear him chuckle lowly at the pleasure. You whine out when he pulls out, suddenly empty but, your protest quickly gets cut when Jaehyun stuffs two of his fingers into your cunt. “Don’t waste anything.”, he hums, audibly tired. You gasp at the image when you look down, ring hugged digits coated in a layer of his and your own come, he slowly fucks it back in. It’s a thought he doesn’t voice, you tummy full of his come, the implications. He brushes it away, he’s thinking too quickly.

A single kiss is placed on your forehead as he helps you clean, “Let’s go home, love.”

Saturday, Jaehyun can not keep pushing. Second to last day, time flies quickly and the clock tics without a second to spare. His decision is made, it has been made for days now but, saying it out loud is much, much different. Short nails pick at the small piece of skin peeling at the corner, Jaehyun knows what he has to do. The television at his side plays some show he doesn’t, it’s white noise anyways while he walks back and forth in his small apartment. He started to love it, he got attached to it quickly. Needless to say, he got attached to you quickly, too.

It’s around four in the afternoon that he finally, finally uses his emergency card. Gold, small, it fits in his palm. Thin, it has Olympus written on it in cursive, white letters. He wondered if he should wear the clothes Cupids wear daily but, he decides against it, it’s symbolic, he’ll present himself with his new clothes.

There’s something twisting his guts, anxious and…Scared ? He knows, the brunette knows, he’s more human than he thinks. It’s when this exact thought crosses his mind that he opens the cards.

The same cloudy dust envelops his body, it blocks his view and, in seconds, he’s in Olympus. What happens next, will stay an unknown story for the mortals, a tale narrated from Cupid to Cupid, from a generation to the next. Sometimes romanticized but, always about that one Cupid who found his soulmate in a human and fought for her. Always about a Cupid fighting a God for the one he loved. It varies from person to person, some underline how the Cupid’s infatuation, his words and stories managed to convince Eros. Other highlight how Eros always had a soft spot for his Cupids, how good he always was with them. Who better to understand love than Eros himself. Eros, large white wings move softly, making the clouds around him dissolve at his feather’s touch, looks down at Jaehyun with a soft smile, one of his sons. His hand rests on top of his large bow, head leaning against it as he laughs a bit at the brunette’s expression. He’s dumbfounded at how easily the God agreed. But, Asia’s Cupid should’ve known, Eros is a sucker for love stories. He wouldn’t ever dare get between two lovers, not when one of them is Jaehyun.

“Child.”, Eros starts again, adoring look on his eyes. Jaehyun never had a father figure, not in his life at least but, when Jeonghan is the closest thing he had to it, Eros follow quickly behind. “You are free.” What can Jaehyun do other than bow down in front of the God, grateful isn’t a word strong enough. Though, the brunette has many questions and, Eros already knows them. Few Cupids had the same questions and, he’s prepared.

“What about…My memories ?”, Jaehyun asks, knot in his throat. Blonde, curly hair bounce to the side when Eros listens carefully to the question. On his pedestal, pretty throne in gold, he leans a bit forwards, the same pink eyes boring into Jaehyun’s now brown eyes. He noticed, he noticed how Jaehyun didn’t let his irises take their original color, how he didn’t dress like his brothers.

“You’ll keep them.”, visibly taken aback, the brunette doesn’t answer and so, Eros continues. “When Cupids leave, they’re free to pick. Return as newborns or, have a life on Earth as they are.”, simply says the God. “It’s harder, to be aware of everything, but it’s also a chance.”

“Like Jeonghan.”, he says before even thinking and, instead of answer, the blonde simply smiles.

“He’ll look over you. I’m counting on you to look over him.” The brunette’s mind might blow at this very moment, he knew. The posture, gestures, smile, the way he looked at him. So he was your tutor too.

“What about the others ?”, Jaehyun doesn’t dare say their names, his brothers, he will probably cry if he does. Will he ever see them again, he doubts, and that’s the heartbreak Jaehyun wanted to avoid. Suddenly, Eros’ features grow cold, worried, even.

“You can say good bye, but you’re not allowed to come back after that.”, he knew. But it still makes the brunette look at the ground, tears at the corner of his eyes. He won’t cry now, he tells himself.

He cries minutes after, when his brothers wait aligned in front of him. Jaehyun won’t ever talk about the good byes he had. Tearful, he made sure to look at his brothers face enough to make sure he wouldn’t ever forget them, even without pictures. He cries and begs for their forgiveness when they aren’t even mad. Jaehyun has a sweet word for everyone, he wishes he had prepared himself better and he gives something to each one of his brothers. He cries when they hug each, one by one.

They all promise they’ll look over him, they all promise they’ll find each other again, in their next life, whenever the next generation steps in. Jaehyun doesn’t even get to see the next Cupid at his spot, the one touched by his white arrow years ago.

Jaehyun looks back one last time, and before he can cry again, he falls from Olympus. Seconds that feel like minutes where Asia’s ex Cupid feels everything and nothing at the same time. When his feet touches the ground again, he doesn’t even register where he is. He thinks he’s in his apartment again and, when he opens his eyes. He’s in front of your door.

Eros, he thinks. He said he’d look over him too, seems he didn’t lie.

Red eyes, bloodshot, he doesn’t think twice and knocks on your door. The shock and worry in your eyes almost makes him laugh through his last tears, one his quickly dries off with his sleeves. You’re unaware of this, you don’t know yet but, he did all of this for you. Gods know your name, the love he has for you told to generations.

“I have something to tell you.”

Taeyong sighs heavily, a hand harshly pushing the pink haired’s hand away. Asia’s next Cupid is in formation while Jungwoo balances between his continent and his old friend’s. The new Cupid is a teenager, he looks a bit younger than Mark. Curious, he was happy to be assigned to Asia but Gods, was he the perfect annoying little brother. Death glare towards the smallest, Taeyong pushes his arrows away.

“No, Jaemin. You’re not allowed to.”, the red haired tells him again and, he pouts. “Let me at least look at my continent.”, the youngest says. It’s the end of the day and the oldest figures he’ll let him, now that he learned how to travel quickly and look over different cities.

“Oh no, I wanted To-.”, he youngest starts, trying to move to the wanted Japanese city.

“Wait !”, Taeyong’s loud voice rings in Jaemin’s poor ears, he frowns as he looks at the city he accidently landed on. Seoul. What’s Taeyong staring at, he wonders. A couple walks in the middle of a store, one Jaemin doesn’t recognize. Annoyed by the interruption, he looks over at this tutor.

“Are you going to shoot an arrow at him ?”, he asks.

“Oh no, they’re already blessed by the Gods. They don’t need arrows.”  

© NEOVISIONED l NO REPOSTING OR TRANSLATIONS ALLOWED.

[the-desolated-quill]

WandaVision: ‘Subverting’ Good Television - Quill’s Scribbles

(Spoilers for the first five episodes)

Hey everyone! Well... it’s been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I wrote a proper review or Scribble, people still thought the COVID crisis would be over within a month. The poor saps. But I thought that as a special way to mark this year’s Valentines Day, we could take a closer look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s shittiest power couple in their new Disney+ show WandaVision.

The first of many MCU spin-off shows that nobody asked for, broadcast exclusively on Disney’s totally unnecessary streaming platform, WandaVision is about everybody’s favourite whitewashed Nazi experiment and her red sexbot boyfriend as they try to fit into a suburban sitcom neighbourhood without arousing suspicion.

Yes, you read that correctly. The MCU has a sitcom now. My life is now complete.

Sarcasm aside, I was legitimately curious about WandaVision because of its unusual setting. And considering one of my most common criticisms of the MCU is its total lack of creativity, anything that’s even a little bit subversive is bound to attract my attention. Of course ‘subversive’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘good.’ I could hand you a canvas smeared with my own shit and call it subversive. That doesn’t necessarily make it good art. And that’s exactly what WandaVision is. A canvas smeared with shit.

So lets split this critical analysis/review/angry bitter rant into two distinct chapters. The first focusing on the plot and setting, and the second focusing on the characters. Okay? Okay.

Chapter 1: Bewitched

Critics seem to be utterly enamoured with the whole sitcom gimmick, and it is a gimmick. As far as I can tell from the episodes I’ve seen, the sitcom setting serves no real purpose whatsoever other than to make the show ‘quirky.’ Which I wouldn’t mind, believe it or not, if the show was actually funny. There’s just one problem. It’s not.

Now in some ways describing why a sitcom doesn’t work is often futile because comedy is largely subjective. What I find funny, you won’t necessarily find funny and vice versa. With WandaVision, however, I won’t have that problem. I can demonstrate to you precisely why WandaVision, objectively, isn’t funny. And it all comes down to one simple thing. The stakes. Or rather the complete and total absence of stakes.

The show makes it very clear from the beginning that none of what we’re seeing is real. The cheesy theme song, the era appropriate special effects (mostly. It’s actually very inconsistent), the joke commercials, and, in the case of the first two episodes, which are in black and white, the appearance of red lights and objects in Scarlet Witch’s general vicinity. (Gee, what a mystery this is).

Basically Wanda has brought Vision back from the dead and created this sitcom world for them to inhabit. I’ll explain the stupidity of this in Chapter 2. The point is none of this is real, and that has a negative effect on the comedy because the very nature of comedy is suffering. Take the plot of the first episode. Wanda and Vision have to prepare a dinner to impress Vision’s boss. If they fail, Vision could lose his job and the couple could be exposed as superheroes. If this were a normal sitcom, it would work. The stakes are clear and it would be satisfying to see the two struggle and overcome the odds. But here, we know it’s not real. If it’s not real, it means there’s no stakes. If there’s no stakes, it means there’s no suffering. If there’s no suffering, there’s no comedy.

It would be one thing if the unfunny sitcom stuff lasted for like the first ten minutes or so before making way for the actual plot, but it doesn’t. Oh no. It doesn’t even last for the first episode. Out of the five episodes I’ve watched, four of them are almost entirely about these unfunny, objectively flawed sitcom homages, each set in a different time period. The fifties, the sixties, and so on. And what’s worse is that nothing that happens in them is plot-relevant. That gets relegated to the last five minutes of an episode. So you’re forced to sit through twenty five minutes of boring slapstick and puns in order to catch even a whiff of actual story. Which begs the question... who is this for exactly? It can’t be entertaining to Marvel fans, who have to slog through all this pointless shit so they can figure out what the fuck is going on. Comedy fans may get a kick out of the sitcom pastiche at first, but after four episodes, surely the joke would wear thin. So why is it in here? Clearly someone in the writer’s room absolutely fell in love with the idea of doing a Marvel sitcom, but nobody put in any time or effort to figure out how it would work in context.

I cannot stress enough how bad the plotting of this series is. As I said, the vast majority of a thirty minute episode is about shitty sitcom plots that aren’t funny and don’t have any impact on the story, only to then tease you with a crumb of actual plot in order to keep you coming back for the next instalment. Admittedly it’s an effective strategy. I was more than ready to quit after Episode 2 until that beekeeper showed up out of the sewer (don’t ask. It’s not important). WandaVision essentially follows the Steven Moffat school of bad writing. String your audience along with the promise that things might get more interesting later on and that all the bullshit that came before will retroactively make sense by the end. Except, as demonstrated with BBC’s Sherlock, that doesn’t work. And even if it did, it wouldn’t justify wasting the audience’s fucking time. And that’s what the majority of WandaVision is. A waste of time.

The only episode that doesn’t follow the sitcom format is the fourth episode. Instead it basically exists to explain all the shit that happened before. The shit that the audience, frankly, are smart enough to figure out for themselves. Wanda created the sitcom world as a way of coping with the loss of Vision, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we got it. Thanks. It doesn’t advance the plot or anything. It’s just a massive info-dump. But by far the lowest point was when Darcy (by far the most annoying character in the first Thor film and is just as obnoxious here) was sat in front of the TV, watching the sitcom and asking the same questions we were. Not even attempting to look for answers. Just reiterating what the audience is thinking. Like this is an episode of fucking Gogglebox.

In the end it becomes apparent why the series is structured the way that it is. It’s to hoodwink people into subscribing to Disney’s stupid streaming service. If you think about it, there was no reason for WandaVision to be a TV series other than to lure gullible fans in with a piece-meal story buried in a mountain of crap. This isn’t a TV show. It’s what is cynically known in the world of big business executives as ‘content.’ They’re not interested in entertaining the audience. Instead they crave ‘engagement’, which isn’t the same thing. Watching WandaVision is like staring into the void, waiting for something to happen, while Disney charge you for the privilege.

Chapter 2: I Love Lucy

So the plot sucks balls. What about the characters? Surely if Wanda and Vision are likeable at least, it’ll give us something to cling onto.

Well as I was watching the first episode, it suddenly hit me that I couldn’t remember anything that happened to them in previous films. I knew Vision died, but other than that, I couldn’t tell you significant plot details or their personalities or anything. Not a great start.

See, up until now, Vision and Scarlet Witch have been little more than background characters. So already there’s an uphill struggle to get us invested in their relationship, especially considering we haven’t actually seen that relationship develop. In Avengers: Age Of Ultron, Scarlet Witch is killing people because she’s pissed off about Tony Stark killing people (you work that one out) until all of a sudden she stops and joins the good guys because the script said so. Vision meanwhile is introduced as a convenient deus ex machina to beat Ultron and gets no real personality other than he’s a robot. Captain America: Civil War comes the closest to giving Wanda a story and personality of her own as it’s her actions that cause the Sokovia Accords to come into effect, but she never gets any real growth or payoff as the film is heavily focused on Cap and Iron Man’s penis measuring contest. And as for Vision, all he does in the film is accidentally cripple War Machine. No real character or arc there as such. And then we have Avengers: Infinity War, where Wanda and Vision are now sporadically in love and on the run until that pesky Josh Brolin, looking like a CGI cross between Joss Whedon and a grumpy grape, comes along and rips out Vision’s Infinity Stone to power up his golden glove of doom, and the film treats this like a tragic moment, except... it isn’t. Because we haven’t really had the time to properly get to know these characters and see their romance blossom. So instead it just comes off as hollow and forced.

WandaVision has the exact same problem. Apparently Wanda was so distraught about Vision’s death that she broke into a SWORD base, stole his corpse, brought it back from the dead... somehow, and then enslaved an entire town of people to create an idyllic lifestyle for her and her hubby while broadcasting it as a sitcom to the outside world... for some reason. Putting aside the dubious morality of it all, it’s impossible to really sympathise with Wanda or her supposed grief because we’ve barely spent any time with her. Had the Marvel movies taken the time to properly explore the characters and show us their relationship grow and develop, this might have had more emotional resonance. But no, it just happens. In one film they barely speak to each other and in the next they’re a couple. No effort to explore how they feel about each other or any of the problems that may arise trying to date a robot. It just happens and we’re just supposed to care. Well I’m sorry, but I don’t care. You’re going to have to try a little bit harder than that I’m afraid. What’s worse is that, thanks to the whole fake sitcom thing, it’s impossible to really become invested in Wanda and her plight because the show has to constantly keep us at arms length at all times in order to keep up the pretence that this bullshit is somehow mysterious.

Looking through the WandaVision tag, it amuses me how many people say that she’s acting out of character. And yeah, her actions are a bit of a head scratcher. Why would an Eastern European’s ideal life be an American sitcom? Why a sitcom? Why kidnap an entire town? Why keep changing the decade? None of it makes sense, but you’re wrong for thinking that Wanda is behaving out of character for the simple reason that Wanda has never actually had a character. In fact, ironically, Wanda mind controlling an entire town and forcing them to do her bidding is probably the one consistent thing about her as she did this in Age Of Ultron. In interviews, Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany described how they used actors like Elizabeth Montgomery and Dick Van Dyke as influences, which is really funny because they’re straight up admitting they don’t have characters and even now they’re still not playing the characters, instead emulating the work of far better actors.

As I was watching the show, it became abundantly clear that not only do Marvel not have the faintest idea what they wanted to do with these characters, but they also straight up don’t give a shit about these characters. Wanda in particular has had a rough time under the tyrannical regime of the House of Mouse. First they cast Elizabeth Olsen, a white woman, to play a Romani character, then systematically erasing her Jewish roots, even going so far as to put a cross in her bedroom in Civil War, and now the character is being butchered even more by forcing her into an American sitcom housewife role that she apparently willingly chose for herself, which is laughable. I mean say what you like about Magneto in the X-Men films, at least they actually depicted his Jewish culture. At least they recognised his Jewish background was important (though not important enough to cast a Jewish actor apparently). Wanda’s steady cultural erasure over the years is incredibly insidious and judging by Olsen’s comments in interviews, where she called Wanda’s comic book outfit a quote ‘gypsy thing’ unquote, it seems nobody has an ounce of fucking respect for the character or the culture she’s supposed to be representing. (and to all those kissing her arse saying it was a slip of the tongue, she has been repeatedly called out for using the slur in the past, so at this point I’d describe her behaviour as wilful ignorance)

If you want further proof of how much Marvel doesn’t seem to care about Wanda, look no further than her brother Pietro, aka Quicksilver. At the end of Episode 5, Wanda brings Pietro back from the dead, except it’s not Pietro. It’s Peter Maximoff, the Quicksilver from the X-Men films played by Peter Evans, who coincidentally is not Jewish or Romani either. So Quicksilver has the dubious honour of not only being whitewashed three times, but also twice within the same franchise. But should we really be surprised at this point? It’s Marvel after all. The same company that whitewashed the Ancient One in Doctor Yellowface and claimed it wasn’t racist because Tilda Swinton is ‘Celtic’. But now I’m going off topic. My point is that this isn’t a simple case of recasting an actor like Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk. WandaVision actually acknowledges the recast in-universe, which makes no sense. Why would Wanda bring back her brother, only to make him look like a different person? We the audience may be familiar with this version of Quicksilver, but she isn’t. That would be like me bringing my Grandad back to life and making him look like Ian McKellen. He’d be perfectly charming, I’m sure, but he wouldn’t be my Grandad. 

If Marvel really cared about the characters or narrative consistency, they would have brought Aaron Taylor Johnson back. Instead, now they have absorbed 20th Century Fox into the hellish Disney abyss, they use X-Men’s Quicksilver as a means to keep viewers from switching off and so that people will write stupid articles and think pieces about whether the rest of the X-Men will show up in the MCU. It’s like dangling your keys in front of a toddler’s face to distract them from the rotting corpse of a raccoon lying face down in the corner of the room.

And it’s here where I decided to stop watching the show because fuck Disney.

Epilogue: One Foot In The Grave

You know, I am sick and tired of the so called ‘professional’ critics bending over backwards to praise these god awful films and shows when it’s so clear to anyone with a functioning brain cell how bad they truly are. WandaVision is without a doubt one of the most cynically produced and poorly structured TV shows I’ve ever seen. Its riffs on classic sitcoms are pointless and self-indulgent, the writing is terrible, the characters are unlikable and unsympathetic, and it’s entirely emblematic of what the entire MCU has become of late. And it’s only going to get worse as Disney drowns us with more ‘content’ to keep the plebs ‘engaged’. In short; pathetic.