#i COULD expand on them if yall wanted

[yuansie]

(1) even when there was rain, sunshine came

pairing. caleb x fem! childhood friend! non mc! reader (x childhood bsf! zayne)

synopsis. caleb planted a seed in your heart when you were both young, nurturing it without meaning to until it sprouted and blossomed. it shouldn't have grown this much, not when you knew you could never have him.

genres/aus. angst, fluff, f2l, unrequited love, childhood f2l

warnings. slight ooc caleb (i have not read homecoming or wtv that chapter is called BC BLUESTACKS DOES NOT WANT ME TO FINISH LONG AWAITED REVELRY OR WTV THAT CHAPTER IS CALLED IM STUCK ON CH12...), NOT canon compliant oops (no higher being placing a curse on zayne, no experimentation done on mc and caleb bc josephine is a good person this time BYEEEE), reader has neglectful parent(s) in the beginning kind of, mentions/descriptions of crying, mc is female (she doesn't have a name in here either). if there's anything i'm missing, please let me know!

rating. sfw but make it lowk very angsty but fluffy ish at the same time.

wc. 8.2 k

a/n. live love laugh angst (but with a happy ending) and live love laugh not proof reading and SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING THIS EARLIERRR uni sucks booty fr !! also, i've come to the decision that i will just make this into a mini series, having about 5-10 chapters maximum !! the ideas keep coming, and i'd like to take a different approach to this prompt/world i've build for this nonmc! reader in an actual caleb series much like my rafayel one! also decided to make it into a mini series bc i cant keep writing and expanding on this and leave yall hanging for longer IOEOIFJAWEOI

YOU’RE EIGHT YEARS OLD WHEN YOU MEET CALEB. it was in the last days of summer, right before the leaves began turning red and yellow and orange. you remember your dad telling you that an older lady moved into the house across from yours, that there two kids living with her: a girl younger than you and a boy your age though a couple months older. he said something about the girl having a special condition but the words went through your ear and out the other because you didn’t care about them; you knew you wouldn’t talk to them anyways.

then, your dad left to go to work and you were all alone.

you were always alone, and you felt that loneliness every second, acutely aware at how it bleeds into your soul and makes you so, so sad. it’s what makes you head to the park two houses down the street and sit at the big, oak tree there. your favorite thing to do is climb it and sit on one of the bigger branches around its middle, feeling as if you could reach the sky and escape these heavy feelings. you blame your dad for making you like this: for making you think that the heavens can help you escape your heavy feelings. he told you once, on a night where he was in charge of tucking you in while your mom worked late at the hospital, that he loves the sky and how it makes him feel like all of his worries are nothing but a speck of dust. he made you think that one day, you could reach the sky and feel what he felt. if you reached out enough, you would be free.

but today you had no energy to do that.

as soon as you reached the oak tree, you sat down and rested your back against the trunk. your eyes watered instantaneously, cold tears dripping down your cheek and to the tip of your chin as you tucked your knees into your chest, your arms holding them in place so they could keep your weeping heart warm. you were so lost in your overflowing sorrow that you didn’t notice a boy running to the tree, not even when he stood three steps away from you.

“why are you crying?���

you snapped your head upwards.

the boy looked surprised, his purple eyes as large as the moon as he stared at you. his back was to the sun, covering him in a golden glow. he didn't say anything as he knelt down, his brows furrowed.

you hiccuped and looked away, angrily staring at your house from where you sat. “go away, stranger.” you see the older boy that lives next door when you avert your gaze from your home. it’s zayne—you recall your mom telling you that you used to have playdates together when you were younger. obviously, you don’t anymore. you don't even speak to one another—perhaps, he thinks being friends with a girl two years younger than him is not worth his time.

you don’t blame him for thinking that; after all, your own parents probably think the same.

before your mind spirals into the inky void that tells you bad things, the boy speaks up. “my name is caleb! now i’m not a stranger, right?” you glance at him from the corner of your eye. caleb grins at you, his smile as bright as the sun. it’s too blinding, you decide, and drop your gaze to the ground. “i guess not…” you mumble.

“so that means we’re friends!” caleb laughs when you quickly look at him again, surprise evident in your features. “now you can tell me why you’re sad!”

you wrack through your brain to come up with an excuse and end up stuttering out, “b-but you don’t know my name!”

“you’re y/n, right?” he laughs again when your jaw drops in comical way, gasping for air in between his next words. “ha! g-gran… talked t-to your… parents!” caleb wheezes, tears in his eyes. “y-your parents told us about you!” once he calms down, caleb lets out a sigh as he sits next to you, nudging your shoulder. “c’mon, you can tell me why you’re so sad now.”

you look back at your house, frowning at how lonely it looked. “i… i don’t think my parents love me.”

“what?”

“i mean,” you rest your head on your knees, your voice now muffled. “they’re never home and they never spend time with me.”

your dad is often away, being the colonel and all, which means he’s gone for months at a time. it wasn’t always like that, but things changed when that forsaken tunnel appeared above the city. your dad was one of the first to answer the call, to fly in the sky to protect the world from wanderers. so it isn’t his fault and neither is it your mom’s that they’re never there. she’s a doctor, a colleague of your next door neighbor's parents.

it is not your fault they are both needed by more people and by more important matters.

caleb’s about to say something when a girl calls out his name, running until she stands in front of you two. you don’t pay attention to her, and instead keep your eyes focused on your house. you wish your parents were home more, that they’d spend more time with you. the girl ends up leaving after she speaks to caleb, who watches her go with a careful eye.

“sorry about that,” he says, scratching his cheek. “gran sent her to tell me it’s time for lunch, but don’t worry! i’ll stay here with you until your parents are back!”

you blink at him, feeling your eyes start to burn. “you’ll stay?”

“mhm!” he smiles, and this time you actually don’t turn away. caleb laughs softly, leaning forwards to wipe away at the tears that fall from your wide eyes. “why are you crying again?”

you didn’t even notice that you had stopped in the first place. “i-i don’t know.” you do know.

it's the first time someone ever stayed with you in a long time.

caleb, surprisingly, calmed you down in a matter of seconds. he stayed with you until the sun began to set, when the blue sky became tinted by orange and pink. he made time go by fast, making you smile and laugh until your cheeks and stomach hurt. and he was surprisingly attentive, noticing immediately the way you perked up when you saw your mom’s car drive down the road and stop in front of your home.

“you ready to go now?” caleb stood up and stuck his hand out, waiting for you to grab it.

“your hand is warm,” you mumble, gripping tightly onto his hand as you lead the way back to your house.

he giggles and nudges your shoulder. “my hand is warm?”

“mhm.” it’s very warm, akin to the blankets you wrap yourself with during the cold days of winter.

and just like that you were at your front door, shyly waving goodbye before going inside. the doorbell rang shortly afterwards, yet before you could open the door, your mom had already done so. you left and headed up the stairs and into your room, telling yourself you’ll eat something after your mom retires for the night.

but that never happens.

because the strangest thing happened afterwards: your mom came up to your room and talked to you, apologizing for making you feel lonely and abandoned.

you know it was caleb’s doing: why else would your mom be like this?

without meaning to, caleb planted a seed in your heart that day.

when you’re ten, you realize that you’ve changed the slightest bit. you’re a little more outspoken, a little more confident in yourself; and your world that was once monochrome is now full of color, full of warmth and life.

you have memories where you’re laughing until your stomach hurts, where you’re learning to love apple and bake apple pies to perfection, where you’re learning to do cartwheels with the little girl while his laughter echoes in the air. it’s all thanks to caleb—he reached out to you, deciding to integrate you into his world. you’re forever thankful that he decided to talk to you two years ago, thankful that he spoke to your parents about your feelings because otherwise you would be stuck in the dark.

caleb has brought light and warmth into your life, and now you are never cold and lonely. he even sticks to you like glue at school, never leaving you alone for a second in the classroom because somehow you always manage to be in the same class as him. sometimes you grow tired of having to keep up with the energetic boy, sometimes the fatigue wearing your bones down and rendering you useless. caleb seems to know when that happens, or maybe he doesn’t. what matters is that he seems to time his golden smile; it is a smile so radiant that it melts away what weighs you down.

and always being with him has made you adopt some of his habits, his attentiveness being the one that shines through the most. it’s what makes you notice your next door neighbor. days of careful glances makes you learn that he’s always reading on the porch of his house or he’ll do the same inside by the window, that he’s never with any other kids his age and that he’s never at the park.

maybe you should talk to him and—

“y/n~” caleb nudges your shoulder. you jerk in surprise and wobble on the tree branch you both sit on, gripping tightly onto the wood while you lean forwards from your lack of balance. the boy yelps and takes a firm hold of your arm, stabilizing you. “you scared me!”

you huff, glaring at him. “you scared me! i could've fallen just now, dimwit.”

he pouts, “but that's your fault! you weren't listening to me.”

“yes i was!”

“oh yeah?” caleb raises an eyebrow. “then what was i saying?” he snickers when you don't reply, gently nudging your shoulders this time because he learns from his mistakes, you know! “see? i was right. you keep staring over there.” he gestures in the general direction of where you keep staring. his finger touches the green leaves of the tree, the tips fading into a yellow color.

autumn is coming. not yet, but it will be there in due time.

you decide to tease him a little. “pft, you’re pointing at the leaves.”

his lips curl into a frown. “you know what i—”

“caleb!”

the eight year old girl comes running up to the tree, huffing as she points up at your best friend. “i-it’s time for dinner!” she tilts her head over at you, beaming. “gran said you can come, sis!”

caleb looks at you, “you coming?”

you smile at the girl before shaking your head, moving towards the tree trunk. “i need to do something,” you grunt, shimmying down whereas he just jumps off the branch and lands with a thud. the girls gasps and you gape at him with wide eyes once your feet hit the ground, “are you okay?”

“a-okay!” he grins, standing up proudly as if he didn’t just scare the living daylight out of you. caleb flexes a boney arm, “i’m strong, after all!”

“yeah, okay hercules.” you chortle, rolling your eyes. “i’ll see you around.”

you watch as he and she wave goodbye at you, caleb hooking their arms together as they disappear into their house afterwards. you notice that there's a tightness in your chest when you see them hold hands or hook their arms together—it happens sometimes, not always. like right now: your chest tightens a little, feeling heavy. you chalk it up to wanting to do that with caleb one day and go your merry way.

your mom is startled when she opens the front door just as you reach out for the doorknob. she holds a container with cake inside. “goodness,” she chuckles, leaning down to press a kiss against your cheek. “you scared me.”

“are you going next door again?” you move to the side so your mom can walk out.

she hums, “i am! i left some—”

“can i come this time?” you usually don't go to the dinners your mom has with zayne’s family every friday, always heading to hers and caleb’s house instead despite your mom’s best efforts in convincing you to join her. you always had an inkling that she wanted you to spend time with the older boy next door.

your mom beams at you so wide that you’re taken aback as she drags you to the li’s front door. did it really mean that much to her that you want to join this time? well, you’re on a mission to get close to zayne so that he can have friends too.

speaking of the devil, the door opens immediately after your mom presses the doorbell, revealing the older boy. his eyes widen the slightest bit when he sees you, though he quickly regains composure, his features relaxing. with a small smile, he greets your mom. “hello, mrs l/n.” he directs his gaze at you next, “hi y/n.”

you blink in surprise. “…hi zayne.” you didn’t expect him to remember you because you don't particularly remember much about him.

he steps aside just as his mom appears from behind, momentary shock melting into a warm smile. “y/n! i’m so happy to see you! will she be joining us?” her eyes flit up to your mom, who nods excitedly.

you’re ushered inside and into a seat not even a second after being welcomed in. “we always have a plate and cutlery out in case you stop by,” mrs li says. a lump forms in your throat and it’s hard to swallow. you feel awful, knowing that every time you chose to stay with caleb, the li family had hope that you’d stop by and eat with them.

still, you somehow manage to smile at the older lady. “i’ll make sure to come with my mom from now on.”

“really?”

you nod. “of course,” holding out your pinkie, mrs li laughs and hooks her own with yours. “i promise.”

mrs li heads into the kitchen with your mom, leaving you and zayne alone at the dining table. he sits in the chair next to you and you fidget in your seat, not sure how to break the stifling silence. what would caleb do in this moment? he’d probably say something stupid or just go ahead and ask to be friends… that’s something only he could do easily, but for you? that’s a challenge.

“you look worried.” zayne says, looking at you from the corner of his eye.

you frown and play with your fingers, “was it that noticeable?”

zayne hums as the two moms come back with pots of food while chatting about your dad. “you aren't doing a good job at being subtle.”

his comment makes you huff through your nose, the corners of your lips curling upwards. caleb says that to you all the time, claiming that you make it is easy for him to read you.

“smiling suits you.”

you stop breathing and stare at the boy with raven hair, slowly blinking while the moms plate the food and continue talking. zayne glances at you again and then looks at his plate, eyebrows furrowed as he picks up a fork and pokes at the carrots, nudging them into a corner. “did i say something wrong?” he mumbles.

he didn't say anything wrong… it’s just that no one has said that to you. not even after your change, even if it was a small one.

not even caleb.

you shake your head, “no.” coughing, your eyes shift to his hands, seeing how he stabs the last carrot on his plate and places it in the corner along with the rest. “you… you still don’t like carrots?” you vaguely recall a memory from when you were about five: you and zayne were eating a plate of oranges when he suddenly spat it out and a chewed piece of carrot was then laying on the table. his mom had cut small pieces of carrot inside his bowl alone with the oranges, trying to trick him into eating them.

zayne’s hazel eyes widen. “you remember?”

with a snort, you answer, “you spit out the carrots every time your mom tried tricking you into eating them. that’s pretty hard to forget, if you’re asking me.”

his ears flush the lightest shade of pink, making you giggle as your fingers wrap around his plate, rotating it. with your other hand, you grab your fork and take his carrots.

“…thank you.”

“i should be thanking you,” you hum, “i love carrots.”

whereas you and caleb are polar opposites and only have a thing in common, you and zayne are not. you’re so alike: reserved and quiet, both sticking to what you deem is the vicinity of your personal bubble. it was easy to befriend him again; by the end of what remained of summer, you had introduced him to caleb and her. it did take a month and a half of convincing, of relentless pleading that convinced zayne to follow you to the park where she and caleb were playing as usual.

caleb and zayne didn't get along well right off the bat, and they always argued. it took you aback in the beginning, not used to seeing caleb argue so… pettishly with someone. much less with zayne. zayne baffles you every time he mutters under his breath about how caleb is ‘so annoying’ because all he does is talk about dinosaurs or is ‘a child’ during friday dinners at his house. well, he is a child, so he’s not wrong there. but with that logic, he should also be calling you a child and yet he doesn’t.

zayne does, however, get along well with her.

you see it in zayne’s attentiveness to the young girl, you see it in the way his voice softens when he speaks to her, and you see it in the way he hangs onto her every word as if it were something sacred.

you also see it in the way his ears sometimes turn the lightest shade of pink when he speaks to her.

when you think about it, they’re both alike in that way.

the sun is in the sky, bright and warm like the boy next to you.

“he’s trying to steal her from me,” grumbles caleb. he swings his legs back and forth while the two of you sit on a tree branch, zayne and the girl sitting underneath on the other side of the tree. she’s teaching him how to braid a crown of flowers, and you can see the small curl of his lips. he’s smiling a shy sort of smile only reserved for her.

“he can’t steal her from you because she isn’t an object.” you tear your eyes away from them and focus on the brooding boy beside you, taking note of how he pinches his brows together and pouts, mumbling something under his breath. while the branches and its leaves provide good shade from the sweltering heat, there is still sunlight that peeks through gaps, and golden specks manage to coat caleb’s figure. “that means you can’t have her either, cal.”

your words have him turning to you quickly, his eyes wide. “i can’t have her?”

“of course not!” your silent admiration of seconds ago dissipates as you scoff, flicking his forehead. he yelps as you continue, “she’s a person! you can’t have people; that’s weird.”

“but that monster is stealing my best friend!”

you frown, blinking once. “zayne isn’t a monster.” but caleb sure seems like one at the moment, you think. a monster of green envy.

“yes he is!”

“zayne is not a monster.” you repeat, irritation beginning to bubble in your chest because caleb wouldn't be saying such things if he didn't have this weird rivalry going on with zayne. “don’t say that about him.”

“why are you defending him anyways?” caleb narrows his eyes at you. “you’re supposed to be my friend—”

friend. best friend. you realize he hasn't ever really called you his best friend because she’s his best friend while you think he's yours. if he doesn't think that of you, then you can’t think that of him… right?

you both whip your heads to the ground, clambering down the tree as zayne calls out both yours and caleb’s name. if his voice hadn’t betrayed the frantic feeling swirling in it, maybe you wouldn’t have this overwhelming sense of dread. when you both round the tree trunk, you see that his face is pale, and he’s holding onto her. she’s trembling, her face paler than zayne’s as if all the color had been drained from her features, and she’s heaving and trembling uncontrollably. the sight makes your stomach drop to the ground as caleb dashes forwards, dropping to his knees while yelling about getting granny josephine to them. you honestly don't remember running to their house, asking josephine to help the little girl—it’s all a blur. all you can remember is how the two boys finally had something in common other than their care for the younger girl: their expression.

they were both horrified.

and you wonder if you looked like them.

your eleventh autumn was just like any other, but this time it was different because of him.

you decided to stay the night after having dinner at zayne’s so he could help you study for your science test on monday. caleb would have been the one helping you, being in the same classes and all, but he was helping her study. while you do love and care about her, you care more about your grades because surely the tests in middle school are harder than the ones in elementary, right?

you’ve been inside zayne’s room before. more often than not, after dinner, you’d end up in there with him while talking about everything and nothing. sometimes you’d both be quiet, content with just being next to each other while reading a book on his bed, and sometimes you both would talk about current hobbies and interests.

“where will you sleep?” zayne’s voice comes from near his bed while you head towards his desk.

“in your bed, duh.” your eyes skim over the surface, chuckling at how tidy it is… until your eyes fall on a haphazardly hidden pieces of paper underneath zayne’s stack of notebooks. weird, you think. zayne likes keeping notebooks, books, and papers separate from each other.

“why would you sleep in bed with me?” he asks.

“we used to sleep in the same bed when we were children.” which is true: your moms have a photo book with evidence in it from your younger days together. “i don’t see why we can’t if we’re still children.”

you hear him huff through his nose. he’s probably pinching it right now. “you’re eleven and i’m thirteen. you’re a child and i’m a teenager.”

“didn’t you say that teenagers are fourteen-year-olds and up the other day?” your fingers wrap around one of the notebook’s spine, carefully lifting it and whatver notebooks are on top and pull the pieces of papers out.

your eyes scan the contents of one of the pages, highlighted words aiding in your understanding of what it is that you’re reading. medical school… majors… he’s looking at colleges.

“well, yes.”

you turn around and hide the papers behind you. “so that means we can share the same bed, right?”

zayne sighs, shaking his head while his lips curl upwards just the slightest bit. “you win this round, miss know-it-all.”

you grin at him and bring the papers out. “you sure i’m a know-it-all?”

the older boy stares at the papers you wave in the air, staying silent as if trying to find the words to explain something to you. you raise your eyebrows. “staying silent makes you look like you were hiding something from me.”

“well… i am. was, i was.” zayne corrects himself and sits down at the edge of his bed, patting the space next to him. you take a seat and eye him. “i’ve been trying to tell you this past summer that… well…” he sighs. “i skipped grades.”

“oh—” you gasp, eyes widening to the size of saucers. “so this means…”

majors.

medical school.

he’s grad—

he exhales slowly. “i’m graduating from high school this year.”

you feel the world go still. you hear your breathing. you feel cold. suddenly, you feel deep and heavy dread wash over you.

after this year, zayne will leave.

your best friend is leaving you.

“why are you crying?” zayne panics, clumsily wiping the tears you didn’t know were falling down your cheeks. the pad of his thumb is a little rough against your skin, but his touch is soft. he’s trying to be gentle, and it makes you feel more gloomy.

“i don’t know,” you mumble, hiccupping as you look down at your hands, watching the tears he doesn’t manage to wipe away fall onto them. “it’s just…” do you tell him? that you don’t want him to leave you alone? sure, caleb is a great friend but you’ve come to realize, since the incident last summer, that she will always be his top priority and—

majors. medical school… her.

“you’re doing this for her, aren’t you?” your voice is quiet.

you love her, you do. she’s like a little sister, and you obviously care for her like they do. but they care more, they love her more. you don’t quite understand the intensity of their love for her. and despite their burning ardor in wanting to be there for her and how it always ends up making you invisible, you can’t bring yourself to ever hate her. she’s innocent, just living her life while the two boys flock to her. she didn’t ask for their attention or love, it’s just that she’s so easy to love.

“…don’t tell her.” zayne’s hands fall from your cheeks and grab onto your hands. his touch is cold, unlike caleb, but it doesn’t make you flinch away from him. you let him take your hands into his, holding them carefully. “please.”

you huff through your nose. “if that’s what you want,” you answer. “it isn’t my place to tell them, anyways.”

it’s quiet, peaceful almost if you weren’t so caught up in the sinking feeling your chest. your heart just sinks and continues to sink in black ink, growing heavy. zayne’s voice timidly calls out your name. “you’re still crying. there’s more to it, isn’t there?”

“i don’t want you to leave.” because if he leaves, you’re afraid that you’ll have to admit the ugly truth you know, deep down, about caleb. it’s a truth that is so clear to everyone, a truth that you see every single time they’re in their own world. a world that pushes you and zayne out like the waves when they leave shore and retreat back into the ocean.

the older buy chuckles, and you look at him through your wet lashes, noting how his hazel eyes flicker with quiet care in them. “i’m not leaving yet.”

“keyword being yet,” you mumble, gripping onto his hands now. “…i’m being dramatic, aren’t i?”

zayne opens his mouth to say something, but you cut him off. “i should be happy that you’re doing something so cool. i mean, skipping basically all of high school and graduating super early? that’s so cool… and i’m here crying like a baby over it.”

“but your reaction is reasonable,” zayne says. “i’d be upset, too, if my best friend told me all of sudden they’d be leaving at the end of the school year.”

best friend. not just friend.

“i’m your best friend?”

“naturally.” zayne responds quickly. “you know me better than anyone, just as i know you better than anyone.”

just like that, your tears stop falling and the sun peeks out from the cloudy sky inside you.

the rest of the night goes smoothly: zayne helped you study for your science test, which you both found boring after an hour because all of the questions were easy, and you spent the rest of your time talking with him. you wanted to know of his plans, what he’s thinking, about what he wants to do after graduating. you both fell asleep in the midst of your conversation, though you wake up at three in the morning because you felt weird. your own body was telling you that you forgot to do your night routine. so when you wake up, all blurry-eyed and dazed, the first thing you can see is your sleeping best friend. after a couple of blinks, your vision clears up and you’re aware that you’re close to him. in fact, you’re close enough to see and count his dark eyelashes. you pout, no way he has prettier eyelashes than i do. the thought goes away as quickly as it had formed in your mind, replaced by the icky realization that you fell asleep without brushing your teeth. so you sit up, gently waking zayne so he could do the same. when he stirs awake and stares at you with squinting eyes, he knows what you mean when all you do is wordlessly point at your mouth despite the sleepy haze of his mind. and just like that, you both silently head to the bathroom and brush your teeth next to each other, quickly going back to his bed and falling asleep once more.

when morning came, you both find yourselves staring at his mom with confusion as she giggles and repeatedly asks how you both slept during breakfast. you think she must have seen something while you both slept, though you decide to let your suspicions go when you bid the li family goodbye and head next door to your house.

mom will probably tell me about it later tonight, you think just as you shove your house keys into the lock. you push the door open and kick your shoes off your feet, sliding them to the side and slipping into your slippers when you step inside. you hear someone running down the street, and right when you’re about to close the door, you hear your name being called out.

“i didn’t see you at all yesterday!” caleb runs up to you, a bright grin plastered on his lips. with his back to the sun, he looks as if he's bathed in gold. “pips missed you, you know? what were you up to that—what’s that?”

you blink once and suddenly he’s in your bubble, burning fingers gingerly touching your eye. you close it on instinct, and he runs his thumb over your eyelid. you can see yourself reflected in his eyes from this close. his warmth seeps into your skin, and you have the urge to lean into his touch. your heart lurches and skips a beat, feeling excited and calm at the same time.

“what’s what?” you cough, taking a step back.

he frowns, his thumb now under your bottom lashes. “your eyes are red and puffy. are you sick or something? you feel oddly hot.”

oh, that’s right. you cried yesterday, and you feel as if your heart is ready to jump out of your chest and into his arms where it wishes it could be.

“i’m fine. it’s just that i watched a sad movie after dinner with zayne,” you sigh, gently pushing his fingers away from your eyes. zayne’s words echo in your head, a quiet reminder that you can't tell caleb because he’d tell her right afterwards.

caleb huffs through his nose, his lips curling into an amused smile. he shakes his head once, his purple irises reflecting the warmth he radiates. “you do cry a lot while watching movies, don’t you?” he leans back and tilts his head at you. “alright.”

you furrow your eyebrows. “alright… what?”

“even though you’re clearly hiding something from me, i believe you.” caleb pinches your cheek, the amusement in his lips softening. “i’ll see you later?”

“yeah…” you say, dazed, but shake your head quickly. “wait, what are we doing?”

caleb laughs, the hand pinching your cheek now covering his mouth, “don’t tell me you forgot that we’re supposed to study for the science test on monday?”

“about that…” you look away from him. “zayne helped me study for it last night.”

his silence has you taking a quick glance at him. caleb seems shocked and his eyebrow twitches, though it disappears and is replaced by something you can’t quite describe. a forced smile of sorts? “he helped you study?” he asks. “then what’s your verdict? will the test be easy or hard?”

you scratch your cheek, thinking. “well… even though he helped me study for a bit, i say the test is going to be very easy.”

“guess that means i won’t study.” caleb shrugs and ruffles your hair, a real smile on his lips now. “talk to you later, short stuff.”

“i am not that short, cal!” ever since he’s grown an exact inch taller than you, he acts like you're a midget now.

you watch as he waves goodbye, walking backwards for a couple steps with a laugh before twisting around and heading down the street. he’s probably heading to the small dessert shop nearby to pick up some of her favorite doughnuts—it’s what he does every saturday morning.

your twelfth autumn marks your first one without zayne.

he left at the end of summer, right as the tips of the green-yellow leaves on your favorite tree began turning a slight orange, barely noticeable. his disappearance had gone unnoticed until yesterday, half way into the fall quarter and midway into october. you’re in the middle of reading a book, one of your dad’s that he let you borrow, on his bed laying on your stomach while caleb helps her do her homework at his desk. he has a singular picture on it that he puts down whenever you're over, but you never ask why he does that.

“where is zayne?” she wondered aloud, tapping her pencil against her chin. “i haven’t seen him around lately.”

“huh,” caleb clicks his tongue in thought. “now that you mention it, neither have i.”

both their eyes land on you, though you don’t bother looking up. with practiced ease, you reply. “i haven’t seen him around.”

“but you go to his house every friday? and he’s your best friend? surely you know something.” she leans forwards in her chair, trying to get a better look at you.

“i go every friday because i made a promise to his mom,” you retort, finally looking up. with a shrug, you continue, “his mom hasn’t said anything about his whereabouts, so i’m just as clueless as you bunch.”

the girl drops it, a smile now on her lips. “your dad is coming home soon, right?”

you blink in surprise. “you remember?” you mentioned it in passing, it was when she and you were watching caleb during basketball tryouts. you told her that your dad would be coming back soon from the fleet, how you were excited to finally see him after so long.

caleb huffs a laugh through his nose, “of course she remembers, short stuff.”

you grimace, rolling onto your side and reach out to grab something in your vicinity, which happens to be a pen on his bedside, and fling it towards him. “you are literally just a couple inches taller than me, cal.” he’s actually a whole head taller than you now, and caleb's growing into his features. his cheeks have started losing their softness, his eyes a little sharper now. he has a natural, boyish charm, something that makes everyone notice him at school.

he loudly laughs, the pen stopping right in front of him before he swats it away. it lands with a clatter against the floor, somewhere in his room. with a huff, you lay on your back. “better work on that aim, short stuff~” he sings, getting up from his desk and heading over to his bed. you look up at him, your lips pursed as he pinches your cheek, purple eyes warm with mirth. his hair falls over his eyes, making its color look deeper. “how else are you going to get into the aerospace academy with me?”

you raise your brows, “you're acting as if you're already in.”

“well—”

the girl hums. “so you both want to leave me.”

just like that, caleb is back at her side and you’re all alone. “i would never leave you, pips.”

“pinkie promise?”

you watch from the corner of your eye how he wears a soft smile as they wrap their pinkies, his touch lingering.

you aren't stupid; in fact, you pride yourself in being so smart and attentive. so, you know that the tightness in your chest is because of caleb, because of the feelings you harbor for him. you aren't stupid, so you already know that caleb can never be yours, that he can never feel that way for you.

because he is hers.

with a sigh, you close your eyes and will yourself to calm your aching heart. you should be used to the ache that settles in your chest when this happens, but here you are.

later that day, right as the sun begins to set, you bid her and granny josephine goodbye. the taste of her apple pie from dinner lingers in your mouth.

“you don’t have to walk me home, cal.” you say, chuckling as you bump shoulders with him. instead of walking across the street, you walk down the sidewalk.

he hums, following you, “just let me be a good friend, short stuff.”

“you just love rubbing it in, don’t you?” you grumble, stepping into the park. your feet take you to the tree until you’re in front of it. you look behind you, raising an eyebrow at caleb. “i’ll stay here for a few minutes, so you can leave if you want.”

“i’ll stay.” at his confirmation, he moves past you, a faint scent of apples lingering in the air along with the sweet, woody smell from the oak tree as he scales up the trunk with ease. “your turn!”

“yeah, yeah.” you huff, rolling your eyes as you climb the tree and make it to the branch caleb chose to sit at. you breathe in and out slowly.

“the tunnel makes the sky look ugly.”

you snort, slightly baffled at the sudden proclamation from the boy. “where did that come from?”

“what?” caleb shrugs with a laugh, shoulders shaking slightly. “it does make it look ugly. like, really ugly.”

your quiet giggles get louder, and you throw your head back. “that is the first time i have ever heard anyone say that.” you wheeze, your laughter so strong you wobble on the branch. caleb wraps an arm around you to keep you from falling, his touch making you still instantly.

“you need to be careful,” he says. “one of these days you’re going to end up falling and i’ll fall with you.”

“if i ever fall, it’ll be because of you.” you cough and attempt to shimmy away from him, though his grip slightly tightens, preventing you from getting away.

the brunette absentmindedly taps on your arm with a finger. “i’d never let you fall… you know that.”

he’s saying that because you're his friend, and he is fiercely protective of those he cares about: the people in his inner circle. you are a part of it, you know that, and yet your heart cannot help but to stupidly flutter at the illusion of a hidden meaning behind his words.

“…it’s getting late.” which is true—the oranges and pinks of the sunset are now bleeding into a purple hue. “i should get going now.” you don't wait for him to say anything; you just climb down the trees as quickly and possible and book it to your home.

caleb is not far behind you.

stepping on the first step of your house’s porch, you stop and turn around. you’re eye to eye with caleb.

caleb wears a boyish grin on his lips, something that makes your stomach flip. “i have something for you.”

“oh? and what would that be?” the corners of your lips turn upwards.

“how about you close your eyes?” you shut your eyes, hearing intently to the boy shuffling. you feel a warmth brush against your cheek, trailing over to the back your neck. “give me a second.”

you hold your breath. caleb’s fingers work nimbly, and something cold hangs around your neck. there’s silence for a beat; he’s still close enough for you to hear his breathing until he leans away. “open your eyes.”

they flutter open at his command, and flitter down to see a necklace. there is a cloud with a wispy appearance right at the bottom, and small translucent beads hang from it in white and blue. the chain around your neck is decorated with solid white and blue beads.

“do you like it?” caleb scratches his neck, eyes carefully watching your reaction.

your voice comes out quiet, shy. “i do.”

you hear the smile in his voice. “i’ve been trying to give it to you since your birthday.”

“what?” looking up from the necklace, you blink at him repeatedly. “but my birthday—”

“i know.” he laughs softly, shaking his head. “i’ve had it since last year, and… i just didn’t know how to give it to you. i thought now would be a good time.”

i thought now would be a good time.

his words echo in your mind, and you take a deep breath. you also have something you want to give him: it’s sitting in the drawer of your desk, in a small box. “do you… do you want to come inside?”

you’ve never invited anyone inside your house, inside the walls that is your safe space. zayne is the only one who has stepped foot inside, who has made it up the stairs and into your room on more than one occasion. caleb used to bug you about that when you two first met, into the early months of your friendship. he thought it was weird that you were always over at his home while he had never gone inside yours. his complaints stopped when you introduced zayne to them—probably because he didn’t want to be around him despite the desire he had to discover what lays hidden in your home. you like to think that he finally decided to wait until you were ready to show him what’s inside.

caleb’s eyes are wide with surprise. “you want me to go inside?”

“i also have something for you.”

despite the poor lighting of the porch lamp, caleb is still akin to gold. he smiles and you turn around to unlock the front door, your heart thumping loudly in your chest. when you open the door and hold it open for him, caleb is all too quick to walk inside, following you up the stairs into your room after you shut the door. his eyes scan the inside of your room as soon as you turn on the lights, shuffling over to your desk as he stands by the doorframe. the color of your walls are a light blue, strings attached to the ceiling with paper clouds hanging at the end. he realizes there’s glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling after squinting. there’s a book shelf in the corner of your room, right besides your desk. the top shelf has a few trinkets: a small airplane, a blimp, a cap.

he assumes it's your dad’s cap, the one that goes with his uniform.

the second shelf has a couple of books, a stuffed animal in the form of a snowman, and a picture: the last one you took with your parents. last summer, you and your family took a trip to verona. in the picture, your dad has you hoisted onto his shoulders, an arm on your legs to keep you steady while the other is wrapped around your mom. everyone wears a smile, yet yours is the brightest one out of the three. caleb’s chest swells with pride, knowing he did the right thing all those years ago when he found you crying at the big oak tree.

the third shelf has a picture, one where it’s you and him. he remembers when, where and who took the picture. it was on your last day of school, your fifth grade promotion ceremony, and your mom took it. again, your smile is the brightest one. though, upon further inspection, he realizes your picture is different from the one he has on his desk. you’ve decorated it with small stickers, ones of golden and purple swirls that sit on the frame.

then there’s more books. another picture frame—is that zayne? you and zayne as children… oh, well you look at that? another picture frame of you and zayne. a recent picture, it seems, decorated in the same manner as his. he’s not sure when or where or who took this picture—

“think fast!”

caleb blinks and the flying box stills in front of him, floating in the air before it can hit his chest. “uh… why?”

“gotta be on your toes if you want to be in the aerospace academy with me.”

he laughs. “look at you, already acting as if you’re in.”

you shrug. “you do the same.”

“touché.” his eyes look down at the box. with a hum, he grabs and opens it, blinking once. inside sits a necklace, one with a small, silver sun on it with a purple gem in the middle. “…a sun?”

“you remind me of the sun.” you mumble. “you’re warm like it, too.”

caleb beams so wide his cheeks start to hurt, and there's faint blush on his cheeks that spreads to the tips of his ears. “i’m like the sun?”

“mhm.”

“funny… because i got you a cloud because sometimes you’re calm and happy, sometimes you’re gray and gloomy, and there are times when you’re like a storm.”

you stare at him, wide-eyed, and he continues. “tell me when you feel like there’s a storm in you.” he gets closer to you so that he can tap on the necklace that hangs around your neck. “so i can shine the sun on you... i will never hurt you with my warmth.”

it’s a silent promise that he’ll be there for you.

“and if you do?”

“then you can hit me!”

his fingers twitch, his foot taking a step forwards. but there’s a knock on your door before it’s pushed open. both you and caleb watch, confused.

your mom has a night shift and wouldn’t be back until morning.

caleb doesn't see a thing before you’re already leaping forwards into the arms of a man in a black uniform, his cap falling onto the ground. he recognizes the man as the one that holds you on his shoulders in the picture on your bookshelf.

your dad, the colonel of the farspace fleet.

caleb smiles to himself, his hold on the tiny box in his hands slightly tightening. he will be there for you, whenever you're sad or happy or mad.

he will be there.

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taglist. @ellieevu @ryusjwks @llamabois @kazbrkker @1ncpst @babythotbox @angelwhizpers @miffysoo

[blueheron15]

TOO SOON TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU

pairing: jj x fem!routledge!reader

summary: jj navigating his childhood and adolescence while seeing john b as a brother, but y/n as something… more.

warnings: flangst, suggested smut

a/n: wow this was longer than i thought it was gonna be and thats why i am edging yall with the ending... THERE WILL BE A PART TWO

jj and john b had been brothers since third grade. it was common knowledge for everyone on the island. don't cross john b unless you wanted to deal with jj, too, or vice versa. it was a well-known fact.

they began playing together at recess, and soon, john b came back home talking about his new friend. he would eventually begin bringing two lunches to school with him so jj could actually eat.

the first time they hung out outside of school, they went fishing off of the ocean at the chateau. they were called inside for lunch by the ringing of a bell.

"wut was that?" jj asked in his southern drawl, toothless mouth quirking in confusion as he dropped a minnow back into the water.

"my daddy's callin' us back for lunch." john b explained, beginning to pull up the anchor of the johnboat.

"is your daddy nice?" jj asked, helping his friend gather the ropes.

"he's just a normal dad." john b shrugged, adjusting his hat before starting the motor.

"my dad hates me." jj explained, as if it were a simple fact of life. he sat down.

"well, i think mine'll like you."

from that day on, jj had practically been adopted into the routledge family. the littlest sibling, y/n routledge, was only five when they met, and was relatively closed off at first. while the four of them ate at the table that day, big john had shown an affection towards his son and jj, but made no effort to include his daughter in the conversation.

the age gap, which seemed significant at first, slowly dwindled away as john b's friend group expanded to the rest of the pogues. y/n hung out with them sometimes, too.

jj had always thought she was nice, and he enjoyed getting a rise out of her, but his best friend for life was her brother. that's who he was looking for on the night he happened to fall in love with her.

y/n was 12, and jj was 14. he knew john b was at a small party kiara was throwing (a farewell party to kildare high school, if you will), but he was hoping he would be back by one am. jj stumbled into the chateau, tripping over the step into the house.

"shit!" he cursed, his already bruised cheek making contact with the dusty hardwood floor. "ugghhhh" he groaned, slowly hoisting himself up.

"jj?" he heard a voice mumble.

his head snapped up, finding y/n standing in the kitchen. suddenly, his cheeks flushed as he looked at his star wars pajama pants, embarrassed that she was seeing him like this. "uh, yeah." he cleared his throat, taking a step further into the dimly lit house. "hey, y/n."

he could have sworn he heard her sniffle, but she too took a step forward, flicking on the living room light.

"isn't it passed your bedtime?" jj asked, at the same time y/n said "what happened to you?"

his hand made it's way to the back of his neck, scratching. "nuthing." he said dismissively. "just got inta an argument with my old man."

her face contorted into a frown, walking up to him and grabbing his arm. as she lead him into the bathroom, he had a strange thought that she looked adorable in her polka dot pajama pants and one of pope's old t shirts.

"why'd he do this to you?" she asked softly, grabbing disinfecting ointment from the cabinet. "sit on the toilet so i can clean you up."

jj rolled his eyes, deflecting. "i dont need you to clean me up. was lookin' for your brother anyway."

"well," she started, confirming his previous thought. "john b's not here, and neither is my dad cuz he never is, and in case you didn't know, it's been 10 years since my mama left, and i'm all alone, and i'd really not like to be alone right now so could you please just sit?"

she finished her rant with a stray tear leaking down her cheek, a red face, and a huff of air. jj tried not to let his grin show. they way she got so flustered, the way she annunciated each word, made his heart flutter despite the heaviness of the situation. "hold your horses, i'll stay." he said, raising his hands up in surrender.

he sat down on the toilet lid as she tended to his busted lip, cut under eye, and bruised cheek. she worked in silence for a little while.

"he did this to me cuz im a piece of shit." he eventually muttered.

"you're not." she insisted, shaking her head.

"you only think that because i'm john b's friend." he scoffed. "maybe he's right, anyway. he caught me stealin from the gas station. maybe i deserved this."

she looked at him. jesus, jj thought, when did her eyes become so... pretty? "you didn't think we're friends?"

jj looked down at the floor, before bashfully meeting her gaze. "guess we are now."

jj slept over, obviously, and they sat together on the couch as she showed him the only existing photo of her and her mother.

"i wonder if she would like me if she knew me now." y/n thought out loud.

jj took it upon himself to use humor to make her feel better. "pretend im your mom." he shrugged.

"what?" she squeaked, looking at him like he was crazy.

he cleared his throat before raising it an octave to make him sound like a woman. "oh, y/n!" he exclaimed, grabbing the ends of her hair. "my daughter, you're sooo beautiful!"

"ew!" she she giggled as jj got closer and closer to her. "get off me jj!" she laughed, playfully shoving him away.

"you don't want some lovin' from your mama?" he teased, still in a girly voice.

she kicked him gently, squealing in delight at his antics. "you're not my mama!" she insisted.

they began wrestling playfully, jj pushing her so she was laying on the couch, pinning her down. and, when john b walked in, he thought it was nothing more than some classic routledge and maybank sibling bonding.

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from that moment on, there was an undeniable shift between the two of them. somehow, y/n had gone from nice, to adorable, to pretty at her thirteenth birthday party. the pogues and some of her girlfriends from school had been invited to the chill hang out at the chateau.

she was talking to some of her other friends, in a lovely white sundress and brown cow boy boots, when jj nearly choked on the vodka he had added into his lemonade.

"i never realized how pretty y/n was." pope commented, swinging on the hammock.

"what?!" jj shrieked, spitting out his drink.

"ew, dude." kiara said, rolling her eyes.

"don't you think she looks nice?" pope inquired.

"uh, well, i mean, um" jj stuttered. "what?"

"that's all i'm sayin, dude. y/n is-"

"y/n is what?" john b asked, joining them.

"pope's got a lil crush." kie said, smirking.

"t-this is outrageous!" jj exclaimed.

"why do you even care?" asked kie.

"b-because-"

"obviously because she's like a sister to him and it's gross." john b explained, rolling his eyes. "new rule. no macking on my sister."

"you got that pope?" jj asked seriously, pointing an accusatory finger.

"i wasn't planning on macking on her!" pope cried, defending himself.

jj huffed. "good." he muttered under his breath. he definitely did think pope macking on y/n would be gross. but not for the reason john b had said. something stirred within his chest. it was a gross, green feeling.

...was he jealous?

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when jj was sixteen and when y/n was fourteen, the "no macking on y/n" rule had been transformed into the "no pogue on pogue macking" rule. this was due to both y/n and kiara being mature enough to wear bikinis. like, proper bikinis.

it was the first day of summer break. kiara was back from the kook academy, jj didn't have to deal with fucking geometry anymore, he snuck off the previous night with some touron older girl and had his first time behind a tree, and holy hell life was good. the pogues joined some other students at the beach for surfing and a bonfire.

but his eyes were on y/n.

shit, was he a pervert? after all, she was only 14, and one of his best friends. she came fishing with him and john b even though she didn’t particularly enjoy the activity. they were constantly play wrestling, or giving each other sea shells as little gifts. and, jj constantly called her mama, much to john b’s demise. it was one of their inside jokes.

she had just looked so good in her blue bikini and she was actually growing boobs. as jj sat on the sand, watching her surf, he barely noticed kiara and another girl approach him.

“hey, j!” kie called.

“‘sup?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of y/n. she was an amazing surfer, but he was ready to jump into action if she happened to wipe out.

“this is lacy.” kiara said, motioning to the girl next to him. she had a nice rack and a sexy body, with beautiful blonde hair. “i went to the look academy with her.”

“oh?” jj said, raising a brow. “a kook, huh? watchu doin’ on this side of the island, princess?” he shamelessly flirted. kie rolled her eyes in disgust, but lacy placed her palm against a tree, leaning in seductively.

“everyone on figure eight thinks they’re too proper to have fun for a night.” she shrugged.

jj grinned. he was catching her drift, alright.

he brought her back to chateau and fucked her good. well, at least he tried to. but with the image of y/n in his mind, he came in like 15 seconds. he made it up to her by eating her out, which was divine, pleasing her in the way he believed every woman should be.

lacy left, and after jj cleaned himself up and put on a fresh pair of boxers and gray sweatpants, he exited big john’s room, which was now practically his after the man’s disappearance, to get a drink.

he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw y/n sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter. she gave him a knowing look, rolling her eyes as the tears fell.

“shit.” he cursed, walking up to her. “uh. you heard that?”

she scoffed. “everyone heard it. i don’t care about that, though. it’s just… i… do you think i’m pretty, jj?”

“what’re you talkin about?”

she hiccuped. “am i pretty?” she repeated. he let out a breath. shit, how was he supposed to answer that? hell yeah, she was pretty. but she took his silence as a no. “i know i’m not. but it’s not fair that everyone sees me as just some little kid.” she explained. “none of the guys in my grade want to date me. i h-haven’t even kissed anybody yet, and you guys are all having sex, and it’s not fair!”

he tentatively sat down on a stool next to her. “you’re still young.”

“so that means i’m ugly?” she retorted.

“i think yer the prettiest girl on this whole damn island.” jj explained. he was so vulnerable, wide blue eyes staring into hers.

“… you do?”

“i do.” he said softly, nodding. he extended a hand, tucking a stray frizzy and sun dried lock of hair behind her hair. “i really do, mama.” he wondered out loud.

“well…” her heart was beating out of her chest as she took in a shaky breath. “thank you.” she grinned cheekily, cheeks beat red.

“you’re welcome.” he said, tailing a finger down her cheek before going to get up.

“wait” she said in a distressed tone. she grabbed his arm, stood up, and quickly pulled him foreword, pressing her lips to his.

it barely lasted two seconds, and jj didn’t even have time to close his eyes before y/n was pulling away.

she stepped back, staring at him. he brought a hand up to ghost over his lips. he had never felt so much electricity. his lips were literally buzzing.

“kie told me her first kiss made her want to puke.” y/n stated. “um. are all first kisses supposed to be that good?” she asked, clearing her throat.

“uh.” he said, voice hoarse. “mine sure as hell wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“yeah… oh.”

“okay. um, g’night jay!” she squeaked, retreating into her room.

jj was doomed.

-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-

y/n routledge had ruined every other girl for jj. he was absolutely besotted with her.

but, the problem was, he couldn't have her. john b would forbid it.

"it's just like, fuckin gross, man!" john b complained, laying on the hammock as he mindlessly threw a hackey sack in the air, catching it. "like, i don't wanna see you macking on my little sister, sorry."

"she's her own person, man." jj said, waxing his board. "just let her be."

"he's a douche." john b insisted. he wasn't very fond of y/n's first ever boyfriend. "she's only 15, why does she even need a boyfriend?"

"i got a feelin' you'll hate anyone she dates." jj replied with an eye roll.

"probably." john b cringed.

jj fought back a shudder. would he hate me if i dated her?

suddenly, y/n came speeding around the corner on her bike, pushing it to the ground and ditching it, sprinting into the house.

"what the hell?" jj asked. him and john b were immediately following her inside.

"y/n?" john b asked, swiftly approaching her. "what's wrong?"

she stood in the middle of the living room, her body wracking with sobs. "h-he... he..." she couldn't even get the words out as she covered her hand with her mouth.

"did he hurt you? what's happenin?" jj asked, concerned. he placed a hand on each of her shoulders, craning his neck down so they were at eye level with each other.

her lips quivered as she sighed, and jj's heart broke.

"he broke up w-with me." she finally managed to get out.

jj recoiled, and him and john b shared a look.

"he's dead."

that night, after the three of them laid together in bed (a y/n sandwich, with her in the middle of the two boys) and did all the girly post break up shit u see in movies together, it was nearing two am when they decided to call it a night.

jj sat on the edge of her bed for a little while, watching her tuck herself in tight underneath the covers.

"you gonna be okay?" he asked.

she hiked up a shoulder. "i'm gonna have to be."

a beat of silence passed. "he's a fuckin idiot for fumbling you." she snorted. "it's true!" jj insisted, his voice growing higher in insistence.

y/n smiled sadly. "thanks, jay."

he gave her a solute. "well, goodnight, mama." he went to get up, but she reached out.

"wait. um. i don't really wanna be alone tonight."

"oh. you want me to get jb, or...?"

in a small and vulnerable voice, she asked. "can you stay?"

"uh, y/n, im not sure how good of an-" he protested, running a hand through his messy blonde locks.

"please, jj." she begged, her voice cracking.

jj didn't stand a chance. "you know i can't say no to you." he whispered, a soft smile on his face.

y/n reached behind her, grabbing an extra pillow and handing it to him. he grabbed the extra blanket on the edge of her bed, getting comfortable on the floor.

they laid in silence for a few moments, just listening to the hum of the crickets and the crashing of the waves in the distance. jj was 99% sure she was asleep, and moved to get up, when she finally spoke.

"he broke up with me because he kept trying to force me to have sex but i didn't want to." she confessed, her words awkwardly cutting through the silence.

"are you fucking kidding me?" jj asked, disgusted.

"please don't kill him." she sighed.

"please don't kill him," jj repeated, mocking her tone. "nah, fuck that. what's this guys address? i swear, i'm gonna-"

"you're gonna do what, jj?" she retorted.

"egg his house, slash his tires, beat him up, i don't know! the point is, that was a dick move. and that's not okay to do. especially to you. cuz your-"

he stopped himself. in the midst of their heated conversation, they had both propped themselves up on their elbows, y/n looking down at jj and him looking up at her. they lowered themselves back down in to a recumbent position.

"i'm what?" y/n whispered.

jj thought for a moment. you’re my girl. you’re so incredibly special. that’s what his mind was thinking. but he couldn’t say that. could he?

“because you’re like a sister to me.” he choked out. he didn’t sound believable at all.

“am i really though?” she pressed.

jj wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. “we can’t, y/n.” he forced himself to say.

“…i know.” she conceded. “but maybe…” she thought out loud. she let a hand dangle down, off the edge of the bed. “friends can hold hands, right?”

he intertwined their fingers together, holding his arm up for her. “yeah. they can.”

-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-

jj and y/n continued to find loopholes in order to be able to act on some of their feelings while not making it obvious for john b.

friends kissed each others cheeks. friends took naps together, bodies intertwined in the hammocks. friends got jealous of flirting. friends called each other nick names like “mama” or “baby” or “bub.”

right?

y/n was providing light in jj’s fucked up life, which become increasingly worse with this search for gold.

jj knew that y/n was having a hard time with her brother following in her fathers footsteps. this made them grow closer, as the barrier that was john b was less and less present, constantly on the go or with sarah cameron.

for fucks sake, they were held at gun point today by barry, who jj knew bc he used to sell coke to his dad.

who, speaking of which, beat him to shit. jj didn’t know how to deal with everything and so he bought a hot tub.

he couldn’t be bothered at pope and kie lecturing him. he couldn’t be bothered that he blew the money. but when y/n stepped inside the hot tub upon seeing the bruises on his abdomen, holding him tight against her chest and stroking his hair, he finally broke down.

he allowed her to dry him off and get him into some clothes. they lay together in her room, this time, both together on her bed as jj needed the physical affection.

he was practically on top of her, his face nuzzled into her neck, but she didn’t mind. she ran her fingers through his hair and up and down his back, to the point where he was practically purring and melting completely into her, mending their bodies together as one.

he was never so vulnerable, not with anyone else.

“thank you,” he croaked out. “for dealing with me.”

“hey.” she gently reprimanded. “don’t say it like it’s some kind of chore. i want to be able to help you, bub. we all do.”

he nodded, to tired to put up a fight. “only want your help tho.”

she smiled into his temple. “i feel like you’re the only person who actually gets me.“ she admitted.

“me too.”

that morning, upon waking up, the two of them had shifted to jj spooning her from behind, holding on tightly. and y/n didn’t mind one bit.

“morning,” she whispered sleepily, intertwining their legs together.

he groaned, stretching his legs out, but not separating them from hers. “mornin’”

“i gotta show ya somethin” he said after a few minutes of laying there admiring y/n. she looked so serene and peaceful in his arms, the sunlight streaming in from the windows and making her look like an angel.

“uh oh what did you steal?” she joked.

“i didn’t steal anything.” he said with an eye roll, sitting up and walking out of the room momentarily. he returned with something shiny in his hands. “i got u somethin when i splurged on the hot tub.”

“jj” she gently chided, propping herself up on her elbows.

“it’s fine.” he protested. “everyone knows the cats ass is dope as fuck. here.”

he held out a gold chain with a small j on it.

y/n held it in her hands, smiling down at it, then looking up at him.

“j as in…” she trailed off, smirking. “jj?”

he nodded and unspoken words passed between them. he put in on her neck, and she thought to herself that she would never take it off.

-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-

the night of john b and sarah’s “death” was the best and worst night of y/n and jj’s lives.

“we… we lost em.” shoupe said, his words echoed by the booming thunder. “i’m sorry.”

“you lost them? what do you mean you lost them? like they’re gone? what are you talking about?” pope tried to frantically clarify.

jj’s jaw clenched. kiara’s face dropped. and y/n just stood there, numb as her heart plummeted into a deep abyss.

“they took an open boat into a tropical depression, pope.” the officer explained.

“so they’re dead?” kie asked.

“we don’t know.” said shoupe.

jj’s anger took over. “you drove em straight into the storm, man! are you kidding me?! come here!” he growled, pummeling shoupe.

“jj, stop!” kiara cried.

“get over here! i’m gonna kill you you bastard! you killed them!” he said, trying to fight off the other cops who were restraining him.

pope tried to reason with shoupe, and kiara was begging for it all to stop.

everything was going in slow motion for y/n. her brother… her brother was dead. there was no way he and sarah could have made it through that storm.

as kiara’s parents enveloped her into a hug, and as pope’s parents came in, extremely worried for their son and his friends, jj and y/n made eye contact.

all they had left was each other.

jj calmed down, and when he ripped himself out of the police’s grip, he walked toward y/n who ran and jumped up into his arms. he held her tight, silent tears running down his cheeks as she wailed.

“no, no!” she whimpered, clinging to jj as if they were the last two people on earth.

“i know baby.” he tried to comfort. “i know.”

they found themselves in the porch the chateau, each sitting on an opposite end of the couch, staring outside. jj was smoking his weed and y/n took the occasion puff.

both of their voices were hoarse and eyes were puffy from crying.

“what am i gonna do?” she wondered, voice cracking. “you can’t let them take me away, jj. y-you can’t.”

“and i won’t.” he promised. “i swear. no one is gonna take you, or hurt you. ever. okay? if they do it’s gonna be over my dead body.”

he scooted closer towards her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her into him.

“my brother.” jj said solemnly, shaking his head and exhaling a puff of weed. “john b was, is, my brother. i don’t know, man… do you think he’s really dead?”

“i don’t know. i don’t know anything anymore.” she whispered.

“well, there’s one thing i do know.” he said. “with everything happening… shit, who knows? who knows what’ll happen to us? i just… i-i gotta tell ya… john b may be like a brother to me, but you were never like a sister to me.”

with wide eyes, she turned her head towards him. “jj… what are you saying?”

“i’m sayin that… y/n i’ve never seen you as just jb’s lil sister. i’ve always seen you as- as you. you know i’m not good at expressing my feelings.” he took a deep breath, nervous. but he looked into her eyes. “but i want to try.”

she smiled, for the first time all night.

“you’re cute, but somehow sexy at the same time. you make me wanna actually open up to you, and be vulnerable, and be better. a-and, you’re so fucking funny too, dude. i know you’ve always struggled with separating yourself from your dad and john b. and maybe sometimes you think that nobody notices you. but y/n, you’re all i notice. you’re everywhere, all the time, and it’s so scary. but… what’s scarier is the fact that i could lose you like john b and you would always think i saw you as a little sister.”

she snorted at that through the tears. she was rendered speechless.

jj let out a shaky breath. she closed the small distance between the two of them, straddling his hips as they kissed with the taste of weed, perfume, and salty tears invading their senses.

they kept crying hard, but kept kissing harder.

“i love you.” jj said. and once it left his lips, it’s like the damn burst. “fuck i love you so much y/n. i love you so much. we’re gonna be okay. i got you. i got you, mama.”

“i love you” she said, nodding her head. “i love you too, jj.”

so it was safe to say that jj loved each of the routledge siblings.

but y/n?

that was his girl. his person.

(and, when john b came back from the dead, he’d be grossed out to see jj and his little sister macking. but he knew jj would do anything for her.

so, when y/n routledge became y/n maybank a few years later, john b and jj would actually be brothers.)

it was always gonna be P4L, but it was routledge and maybank first.

he used a hand to hold her back, gently flipping them over so that he was hovering on top of her, his beautiful biceps caging her in.

he slid his tongue over her bottom lip and she granted him entrance as they made out. wanting, needing to be closer, she hooked her ankles around his lower back, arching into him and feeling his erection.

"fuck" he panted. he trailed his kisses lower, nipping her ear lobe, sucking on her neck.

"mm r-remember when my first boyfriend broke up with me?" she said through whimpers. "i didn't wanna have sex with him. n-not because i wasn't ready, but because... i always wanted it to be you."

he let out a groan. "jesus, y/n..." he detached his lips from her neck, loving the hickey that had formed there.

"jj... please. i need you." she said, tears staining her cheeks.

he kissed them away. "i need you too, mama." he breathed. they looked into each other's eyes. "ive never needed anyone so bad. all those other girls... they were to distract me from you because i never thought this would happen."

"john b made it a rule to not mack on you." he continued.

she smiled, but it was quickly replaced by a sob at the mention of her brother.

"let me take care of you.. i can't stand to see you hurtin like this."

"please" she whimpered.

and so, she let her legs fall to each side of jj's torso, and he began shimmying down her shorts...

taglist:

@4jjsbank @mkcolon1 @agnxstic @groovypeanutoperatorzonk @starsval @sollamimi @obxcc @onelonelybitch @tv-girllover07

[jamingbenn]

year in review - hockey rpf on ao3

hello!! the annual ao3 year in review had some friends and i thinking - wouldn't it be cool if we had a hockey rpf specific version of that. so i went ahead and collated the data below!!

i start with a broad overview, then dive deeper into the 3 most popular ships this year (with one bonus!)

if any images appear blurry, click on them to expand and they should become clear!

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before we jump in, some key things to highlight: - CREDIT TO: the webscraping part of my code heavily utilized the ao3 wrapped google colab code, as lovingly created by @kyucultures on twitter, as the main skeleton. i tweaked a couple of things but having it as a reference saved me a LOT of time and effort as a first time web scraper!!! thank you stranger <3 - please do NOT, under ANY circumstances, share any part of this collation on any other website. please do not screenshot or repost to twitter, tiktok, or any other public social platform. thank u!!! T_T - but do feel free to send requests to my inbox! if you want more info on a specific ship, tag, or you have a cool idea or wanna see a correlation between two variables, reach out and i should be able to take a look. if you want to take a deeper dive into a specific trope not mentioned here/chapter count/word counts/fic tags/ship tags/ratings/etc, shoot me an ask!

˚　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

with that all said and done... let's dive into hockey_rpf_2024_wrapped_insanity.ipynb

BIG PICTURE OVERVIEW

i scraped a total of 4266 fanfics that dated themselves as published or finished in the year 2024. of these 4000 odd fanfics, the most popular ships were:

Note: "Minor or Background Relationship(s)" clocked in at #9 with 91 fics, but I removed it as it was always a secondary tag and added no information to the chart. I did not discern between primary ship and secondary ship(s) either!

breaking down the 5 most popular ships over the course of the year, we see:

super interesting to see that HUGE jump for mattdrai in june/july for the stanley cup final. the general lull in the offseason is cool to see as well.

as for the most popular tags in all 2024 hockey rpf fic...

weee like our fluff. and our established relationships. and a little H/C never hurt no one.

i got curious here about which AUs were the most popular, so i filtered down for that. note that i only regex'd for tags that specifically start with "Alternate Universe - ", so A/B/O and some other stuff won't appear here!

idk it was cool to me.

also, here's a quick breakdown of the ratings % for works this year:

and as for the word counts, i pulled up a box plot of the top 20 most popular ships to see how the fic length distribution differed amongst ships:

mattdrai-ers you have some DEDICATION omg. respect

now for the ship by ship break down!!

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#1 MATTDRAI

most popular ship this year. peaked in june/july with the scf. so what do u people like to write about?

fun fun fun. i love that the scf is tagged there like yes actually she is also a main character

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#2 SIDGENO

(my babies) top tags for this ship are:

folks, we are a/b/o fiends and we cannot lie. thank you to all the selfless authors for feeding us good a/b/o fic this year. i hope to join your ranks soon.

(also: MPREG. omega sidney crosby. alpha geno. listen, the people have spoken, and like, i am listening.)

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#3 NICOJACK

top tags!!

it seems nice and cozy over there... room for one more?

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BONUS: JDTZ.

i wasnt gonna plot this but @marcandreyuri asked me if i could take a look and the results are so compelling i must include it. are yall ok. do u need a hug

top tags being h/c, angst, angst, TRADES, pining, open endings... T_T katie said its a "torture vortex" and i must concurr

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BONUS BONUS: ALPHA/BETA/OMEGA

as an a/b/o enthusiast myself i got curious as to what the most popular ships were within that tag. if you want me to take a look about this for any other tag lmk, but for a/b/o, as expected, SID GENO ON TOP BABY!:

thats all for now!!! if you have anything else you are interested in seeing the data for, send me an ask and i'll see if i can get it to ya!

[rafeandonlyrafe]

good host

words: 4.1k

warnings: 18+ only!!!, smut, blowjobs, voyeurism, getting off rafes friends :), female receiving oral, riding, protected and unprotected p in v sex, male masturbation, cock warming, men other than rafe fuck reader including ocs

your heels click down the steps, the circle of boys suddenly falling into silence as you enter out the sliding doors onto the patio.

“need anything?” you ask, trying your best to play the good housewife and host now that you and rafe have moved in together.

“couple more beers if you don’t mind.” rafe says, and you nod, tiny skirt swishing as you head back inside, getting as many cold beers as you can carry before hustling back to the outdoor seating area, all the boys eyes moving from the game on the television to you as you bend down and set the beers down on the table, giving them an eyeful down your shirt.

“anything else?” you ask rafe, who wraps his hand around your thigh and tugs you closer, making you giggle as you bend down and press a kiss to his lips.

“why don’t you suck me off?” rafe asks, stroking his hand up, flipping up the bottom of your skirt to show everyone the tiny pink thong you are wearing as his hand grips the flesh of your ass.

“in… in front of everyone?”

“yeah, entertain me. this game is boring as fuck.” rafe watches as you sink to your knees, forever his good girl, listening to whatever he tells you with minimal questions.

rafe glances at the guys as you rub over his crotch, feeling him harden under his khakis. “don’t worry boys, you can use her too after she’s done with me.” 

your eyes widen, glancing at the other guys sitting amongst the couches and chairs. topper and kelce you know well, but theres two more guys whose names you only vaguely remember, chris and ezra. you think that rafe met them golfing, but you usually are only half paying attention when rafe recounts his round of golf to you.

“you good with that baby?” rafe asks, giving you an opportunity to back out, but he knows that you would never.

“of course. whatever you want rafe.” you smile up at him as your fingers work quickly, unbuttoning his shorts with ease, having repeated the action so many times. the zipper is the next thing to be tugged down and open, your hand diving into the open space, rubbing your fingers over his length through the material of his underwear.

“oh, fuck yeah.” rafe groans with a smile on his face, leaning back against the couch as your fingertips get him hard, wanting him to be as thick and big as possible before pulling his dick out, not that rafes size could ever be an embarrassment to him.

“come on baby, suck me.” rafe lifts his hips slightly, allowing you to tug his shorts and underwear down enough for his cock to push free from the confides. you smile at the sight of his dick, forgetting that anyone elses is around as you wrap your hand around the base, stroking a few times until he’s got a bead of precum leaking from his tip, which you quickly lick up, tongue lapping over the head of his cock.

you glance to the side to kelce who is sitting next to rafe, winking at him before lowering your head, your mouth expanding as rafes big cock pushes inside of you. you swallow around his length, drool already beginning to drip down your chin.

“her mouth is so good, just wait till yall feel this.” rafe moans, one hand fisting in your hair, helping you keep your rhythm as he hits the back of your throat, making you gag but not letting it stop your movements.

“i call next.” a voice you realize must be ezra pops up. you slow down at his voice, only slightly, not wanting rafe to be finished too quickly. you have no problem getting his friends off if thats what rafe wants, but you also only crave him, only want his cock, so you plan on relishing in his taste.

“alright, chill, everyone will get a turn.” rafe laughs, proud knowing that his girlfriend is so desired. if he wasn’t so confident in the strength of your relationship, he would beat ezra to a pulp for even thinking about you in a sexual way, but you’re such a good girl for him rafe knows you don’t see another man that way.

you pull off rafes cock to drag your tongue around his head before going over the slit, making rafe squirm slightly, his hand tightening in your hair as you retake his cock in your hand, stroking while your tongue licks along his length, going all the way down to the base before kissing his balls gently.

rafe groans when you take one into your mouth, keeping your sucking gentle because you know how delicate and sensitive his skin there is.

you make sure to give them some good attention while your hand takes care of his cock before you need to have him inside you again, sinking your lips around his cock and quickly building back up to the same rapid pace you know rafe likes.

“close.” rafe groans, his hips rising slightly off the couch, pushing up in time with your head bobbing. you close your eyes and clench your thumb between your first, willing your gag reflex to not force you to pull off as you take him deep.

you suck his cock down, swallowing around his thickness until he pulses inside of your throat, a telltale sign that hes seconds away from bursting. rafes cock suddenly swells and then hes cumming, shooting his load down your throat as you continue to suckle on his cock, pulling off slightly so you can taste sum of his cum on your tongue.

“fuuuuck.” rafe groans, slumping against the couch. you pull off with a happy smile, pressing a kiss to his softening cock. you can’t resist kissing up along his length before you tuck him carefully back into his underwear and shorts.

“good girl.” rafe leans down, kissing your forehead. “why don’t you take your top off then go suck ezra? hmm?”

“okay.” you nod. you tug your shirt up, turning so everyone can see as you toss it to the ground before you reach behind your back, unclipping your bra and letting it fall away. rafe smirks at the boys faces, eyes trained on your chest as you blush under all of their gazes before moving across to the other couch to ezra.

“can i touch?” ezra asks, but not to you as he looks to rafe, who must nod as ezra reaches for your tits, cupping them in his palms, feeling so different to rafes large hands. he swipes his thumbs over your nipples, and while it feels good you don’t want another man to make you moan so easily, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.

“come on, doll. don’t just sit there get to work.” rafe says, suddenly blinking back to reality, reaching forward while ezra continues to play with your chest while you undo his pants, eyes widening when you realize he’s not wearing underwear as his cock pushes free of its confines.

you wrap your hand around his length, smaller than rafe in length but similar thickness. you begin stroking, watching in fascination at ezras reaction. you glance behind you to make sure rafe is still satisfied and giving his approval.

when rafe gives you a nod to go ahead, you lean forward and take ezra into your mouth, cringing initially at the different taste before you get used to it, rubbing your tongue against the bottom of his cock while you sink down, his cock not going down your throat like rafes does.

“fuck, she is good.” ezra moans. your cheeks flush, realizing you haven’t even pulled out all your tricks yet as you speed up, bobbing your head up and down in a dramatic fashion to show rafe just how good you’re being, obediently getting his friends off.

you don’t savor ezras taste like you do rafes, wanting him to cum quickly as you allow your teeth to gently graze the bottom of his cock, making ezra let out a mix of a shout and a moan.

“god, rafe, are you sure your girlfriends not a porn star?” kelce asks, making you giggle and have to pull off, hand stroking ezra as you wait for rafes answer.

“nah, she only fucks who i let her. you know she was a virgin when we met? now look at her, my fucking slut.” rafe makes sure to emphasis that you belong to him, and while the other boys may be given this chance to use you, they better not get any wrong ideas.

“only a whore for you, rafey.” you giggle, taking ezras cock back into your mouth, also wanting to point out that the only reason you’re interested in even touching any of them is because rafe wants you to, needing to repay his friends for coming over only to watch such a boring game of football.

you suckle at the head of ezras cock before pushing down, nuzzling your nose into his skin as you feel him pulse and then shoot his load in the back of your mouth. you happily swallow before pulling off with a smirk.

“come here.” topper calls to you from the armchair. you stand up and cross over to topper, looking to rafe before back to his friend. 

“can i eat her out?” topper asks, holding your hips in his hands as you stand between his legs.

“yeah.” rafe nods, knowing he’s bragged to topper about how delicious you are, how good the sounds you make get when he’s lapping at your cunt, clearly bragging enough to make topper choose eating you out before receiving head himself.

“but baby-” rafes voice has you turning to look at him. “you’re not allowed to cum. only i can make you cum.”

you nod as topper stands, switching so you can sit down on the armchair. you spread your legs for topper, revealing the tiny thong, already covered with a wet patch as he kneels between your legs.

topper kisses along your thighs teasingly, enjoying feeling your warm flesh as the sound of the football game fills the background. he finally reaches your underwear, his tongue pressing against the wetness, your thighs clenching temporarily before relaxing again, looking to rafe, whose eyes are flickering between the game and you, your open legs with his best friend kneeled between them.

“can i take them off?” topper asks, rafe quickly saying yes. you raise your hips up, fingers gripping into the fabric of the arms of the chair as topper pulls your underwear down, leaving your tiny flouncy skirt on.

he buries his head immediately between your legs, tongue lapping against your cunt as chris grabs your wet thong, bringing it up to his nose and taking a deep sniff of the material.

you frown when he holds onto the material, knowing that all your underwear belongs to rafe, but you don’t say anything yet, losing focus on chris as topper flicks the tip of his tongue over your clit.

“fuck, you are delicious. you guys need to taste.” topper scooches back as kelce shoots forward, taking his place. kelce is far less gentle, shoving his tongue into your hole as you let out a low moan. your hands grip at your tits, massaging them while chris undoes his pants, taking his cock out and wrapping your thong around his length, similar in size to ezras but slightly slimmer.

“such a beautiful pussy.” kelce says, barely pulling away as his words vibrate over your cunt. you whine, eyes flickering between rafe and chris stroking himself with your thong, rubbing it over his length.

kelce focuses on your hole while topper reaches forward to place the pad of his thumb on your clit, making your body shake, feeling overstimulated as a rush of wetness floods over you, knowing you’re bound to drip onto the cushion beneath you.

kelce thrusts his tongue in and out, making you gyrate your hips, wanting more. kelce seems to get the memo when he pulls away, pushing a finger into your cunt, easily able to slide in with how wet you are.

topper switches back to using his mouth, making kelce stretch to finger you as topper sucks at your clit, replacing his thumb and bringing you even more pleasure.

“remember, princess, don’t cum.” rafe reminds you, eyes quickly turning back to the tv when a good play happens.

“but hes so good at head.” you whine, telling the truth, topper has a talented mouth, using his lips, tongue and even teeth as they graze over your sensitive skin.

kelce laughs at rafes frown as he pushes a second finger into you, pulling his cock out with his free hand and stroking, now two of the boys getting themselves off as chris continues. you don’t want the thong back anymore, knowing he’s going to ruin it with cum soon enough.

its like topper is trying to make you break rafes rule and force you into an orgasm, his eyes closed as he focuses on your pleasure, trying desperately to bring it out of you.

“p-please.” you whine, kelces fingers moving faster, pumping into you with obscene sounds spreading. you can’t help the almost nonstop moans, eyes flickering to chris’s cock then face as he paints your thong white before slumping down, his cock pulsing.

“can i fuck her? please let me fuck her.” kelce asks, looking to rafe, squeezing his cock knowing he won’t last much longer.

“yeah.” rafe shrugs. “let me make her cum first.” he says as halftime begins, using the break in the game to his advantage as he walks over to you, chest heaving as topper continues right up until rafe taps him out. you let out a sigh of relief, not sure how much longer you would have lasted.

rafe sinks down, pushing kelces hand away too as his fingers instantly take the spot of pumping into you, already feeling so much better, longer and more familiar. 

“lets see if my mouth is better.” rafe smirks, and you know you’re bound to cum quickly as his head drops, instantly sucking your clit into his mouth with a level of fervor that he rarely gives you, clearly wanting to prove that no one can pleasure you like he can.

you scream out, not able to control your squeals as your hands grip his hair, holding his head tight to your pussy, the other boys watching as your tits bounce, a light gleam of sweat making them look even more appetizing. 

you cum quickly with such force that your entire body shudders, shaking as rafe gently licks you through your high, keeping his fingers lodged deep inside of you.

“good girl.” he smiles, kissing your thigh before moving up to peck your lips, even as you still breath heavily, jaw slack.

“now you’re gonna ride kelce for me right? be my good girl and make him cum.” rafe questions, and you quickly nod, swallowing as you look to kelce, who has now sat himself on the couch, his large cock almost rivaling rafes.

“put a condom on, man.” rafe says as he stands up. “you’re not taking my girl raw, are you crazy?”

kelce hustles to grab his wallet, not wanting to upset rafe and lose out on the opportunity as you pull your skirt off to bring yourself totally nude, somehow still feeling comfortable in front of all the mostly dressed men, just happy to be doing what rafe wants and entertaining his friends.

you move over to the couch after kelce has rolled the condom on, straddling his lap and grinding down against his dick, rubbing it between your folds. usually in this position you’d be making out with rafe, but you really don’t want to kiss anyone else but him, so you keep your back straight.

“come on.” kelce grabs your ass, grinding you down harder, clearly tired of the teasing, especially since he’s already been stroking himself.

you giggle at his impatience and reach down, lining his cock up with your entrance before sinking down, moaning slightly at his length, not used to the rubber since rafe never uses condoms, but kelce feels pretty similar.

you immediately begin to bounce, not caring about your pleasure, knowing you won’t be able to cum from this anyways. kelces hand gripping your ass helps you move, making sure to keep a quick pace, clenching your cunt around his cock every time you pull off.

“such a pretty girl.” rafe coos, reaching out to grip your chest, palm swallowing your bouncing tit. “give me a kiss, come on.”

you sink down on kelces cock, grinding gently as you lean over to rafe, pressing a kiss against his lips, giving him a soft smile, ignoring the way kelce instantly begins to buck his hips up into you.

“you’re doing so good for me.” rafe says. “thank you for helping my boys out and keeping us entertained.” “just wanna make you happy.” you tell rafe, stroking your thumb over his cheek before kissing him again, mouth so sweet against his, in sharp contrast to the way kelce is thrusting up into your pussy, grunting and groaning as he clearly struggles to hold back, but you’re too focused on rafe.

“love you.” you whisper against rafes lip, his tongue sweeping out to enter your mouth as kelce lets out a final shout, holding your hips down as he cums into the condom. you slide off the second he’s done, crawling onto rafes lap to continue to kiss.

“gonna take you for a massage tomorrow.” rafe says, rubbing over your thighs, knowing he’s putting your body through a lot. “and a shopping spree.” “mkay.” you smile, fluttering your eyelashes at rafe before turning, seeing toppers dick out, having retaken his spot in the armchair, just now without pants.

“want me to suck you off now top?” you question, wanting to return the head that he gave you.

“can i-” he swallows roughly “can i fuck you too?”

“aww, of course sweetie!” you stand up, moving over to topper. he’s always been your favorite amongst rafes friends. he will hold conversations with you when you’re hanging out, unlike the other guys who are mostly just scared to touch rafes things. you’re wonder how much will change after today.

topper stands up, gesturing for you to get on the chair. you kneel on it, pushing your chest into the back of the couch as toppers hands rub over your ass. you look back at him, nodding that he can start whenever.

“condom.” rafe calls out as a reminder, making topper groan quietly, hoping he could get away with it, but he grabs a condom offered to him from kelce and rolls it on.

you giggle at his face, one of pure pleasure before he even gets inside of you. topper rubs his cock through your folds, still dripping onto the seat as he suddenly pushes forward, burying his entire length inside of you.

you let out a moan, head falling against the back of the seat, surprised by how big topper feels from this angle. he begins to thrust, keeping his movements slow but deep, making sure to fully press against your ass, using his hands on your hips to keep you still.

“goddamn, i wanna fuck her too.” ezra groans.

“nah, she’s gonna sit on my cock next, you already cummed.” rafe says, feeling a slightly bit of jealousy bubble up in his gut from watching you give pleasure to another man.

“alright, i call first for fucking her next time.” ezra concedes.

“no way bro, she didn’t even touch me! i’m getting her first.” chris argues as topper begins to move faster, the argument being drowned out by both of your moans.

“need i remind you she is my girl? i get to choose who uses her. you’re lucky she’s being such a good hostess and willing to entertain yall, dont ruin it by fighting.” rafe warns.

chris and ezra quietly agree and apologize. rafe glances again at you, your pussy squelching each time topper pushes his hips in. if he was a less confident man, he would shove top away and show you how only he can fuck you right, but at the end of the day, rafe knows you only want him.

“don’t-don’t rub my clit.” you warn topper when he reaches around you to touch your pussy.

“gonna cum if i do?” he questions, grinning when you nod. he’s not used to taking such a dominant role, liking how you are clearly brought to pleasure by him.

“you better not, brat.” rafe warns, reminding you of his rule as topper listens and places his both his hands back on your hips, not wanting you to get in trouble with rafe after being such a good girl.

topper snaps his hips faster, not ashamed to cum quickly considering how easily some of the other guys busted. he can only hold off for a few more minutes, especially when you start pushing your hips back.

“i-i’m close.” topper warns seconds before he cums, letting out a string of moans as you continue to slowly move on his cock, letting his high run its course before he pulls out, the condom filled with white.

“come on, princess.” rafe reaches his hand out to you as you stumble over to him, thighs now tired but willing to have a little more energy for rafe to do whatever he pleases for you.

“you’ve been such a good girl, come take a seat.” rafe says, and you realize he had gotten his cock out again at some point. “you can watch the last quarter with us, yeah?” 

you nod, turning so your ass is in rafes face as you slowly lower down, moaning when his big cock stretches you out. you settle all the way down until he’s pressed right up against your cervix, leaning your back into rafes chest. he grabs his beer off the side table next to him, taking a sip while you relax, eyes turning to the game as well.

the other guys can sense that you’re finished, tucking themselves away and retaking their position to watch the game. you don’t miss chris pushing your underwear into his pocket. you’ll have to buy another pair when rafe takes you on a shopping trip tomorrow.

the game is just as boring as rafe says it was, and you understand why he needed some entertainment, the only touchdown being scored in the first half. you aren’t the biggest fan of watching sports in general, but having rafes cock inside of you makes it a lot more enjoyable. he even gives you a couple sips of his beer.

the game ends with little fanfare, making all the boys sigh, just happy that it’s over but disappointed as a whole.

“i trust you boys can see yourselves out.” rafe pipes up, looking around at his friends. “i need to fuck my lady now.”

the boys take their cue, quickly grabbing whatever they brought and heading out, but topper stops as he passes you. “thank you for being such a good host.”

“thank you for the good head.” you giggle, making rafes hand squeeze tighter on your thigh. topper smiles before leaving, kelce also taking the opportunity to mumble a thank you after toppers lead.

“don’t invite chris back.” you say, glad that you were able to get away with not touching him. “he kinda gives me the creeps.”

rafe laughs but nods, “whatever you want baby girl. thank you for doing that.” “of course.” you nod. “it’s part of living with you, keeping your friends stocked up on beers and also making them cum.”

“how in the world did i find a girl as perfect as you?” rafe says softly, moving you suddenly before you can even comprehend, your back being pressed into the sofa as rafe kneels between your legs, shoving his cock back deep in your cunt.

you giggle, cheeks turning red. “i just love you so much. wanna make you happy.”

“you make me very happy, baby.” rafe says, pressing a kiss to your lips before beginning to pump his cock into you, your moans drowning out the tv still on in the background.

“your cock is perfect.” you hum, eyes sliding shut as rafe pounds into you, going deep and hard after being buried inside of you without moving for so long. “no one else compares to you.”

“and don’t you forget it, baby.” rafe smirks.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @emma77645 @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart

[builtintripping]

never forget...

read again?

no you did not see me repost this, shh

hemlo!! thank ya'll so so much for enjoying this lil comic series!! i know it's been a year since the first part, but most importantly i finished it 💀✨️

every single tags ya'll leave on me posts and past questions i recieve about this au is super appreciated, they make me smile the widest you have no clue!! im just a lil mad at myself that i couldn't expand on this au more so yall could have had more crumbs. irl stuff happened + still getting the hang of drawing and socializing again after years of doing neither of those 😭

but still, im glad i could share this comfort comic i made for myself, and for you guys too. it's a pretty personal one despite the characters not being mine 😅 i hope that you can walk away from this story believing (entirely or not) that someone out there still thinks of you, whether they're from a late/absent loved one who still wants the best for you or a dear friend who will make room in their hearts for you. life will never not be hard, but if you keep them close to your heart, adulting will be bearable 🫂

thank you so much for reading 💕

[douqhnxtss]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ONLY MINE ⊹ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚✧˖°.

𝔂𝗈𝗎 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝖽 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿. 𝗒𝖾𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗐, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿. 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗍𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝓶𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨.

✧ yandere, angst, drabble, choking, handcuffs, mentions of escape and killing, lots of talk about ownership, objectification, dollification at the end (a little), manipulator!minjeong, semi-suggestive, dark/mature themes — yandere!minjeong x fem!reader ⋆ wc! 0.5k °° why do I love yandere minjeong whattt I swear I'm not crazy, trust me >_< I might expand on this fic later no promises !! Super short but I'm running out of ideas help 💀 leave ideas in my asks yall help a girly out!!

✦ now playing! — mine ♪ aespa 𐙚

Cupid's Game — 09

────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────

YOUR HANDS WERE SORE FROM BEING CUFFED FOR SO LONG. the door clicked open and stepped in minjeong with a smile. a sickly smile, which you'd grown to hate.

"hi, sweetheart." her voice rung in your ears as she walked closer, settling beside you. "c'mon, greet me back." she stared into your eyes, her voice soft but eyes stern and dark, commanding you to obey.

and you did. you always obeyed. "hi." a blank, soulless greeting left your lips, it was enough for her. she hummed, leaning down and leaving kisses down your neck as she swung her leg over your body, straddling your waist.

she let out a hiss, her gaze going to the red marks left by the handcuffs. "see, your hands wouldn't be like this if you'd been a good girl and hadn't made a mistake by trying to leave me."

"i'm, i'm sorry, please remove them. it hurts, please." you begged, tears already lining your waterline. she wiped the tears with the pad of her thumb, "shh, don't cry, sweetheart. all mistakes have consequences."

you sobbed in her hold, "please." lust swirled in her eyes, "pretty baby, shouldn't have tried to leave. now look at you." she cooed, leaning in to give you a kiss.

her hand wrapped around your throat, pressing just enough to get you gasping, "kiss me back, sweetheart." her taunting smile made you want to disobey, however, you knew better.

you knew that she could kill you. she was too far gone to care. "i love you so much, do you know how much it hurts to see your loved one try to run away from you?"

she kissed you again, the same hand that was choking you went to the back of your neck, tilting it to help her kiss you better. maybe, you'd lost all self respect you held for yourself. or maybe, you'd just simply lost yourself to her.

you were also too far gone to break out now. she had trapped you. in every way possible, you were unconditionally hers. only hers and hers. you didn't belong to yourself anymore.

"so fucking perfect." she muttered, a devilish grin forming on her lips as she went leaned in again to kiss you. you kissed back, trying to match her fast pace.

minjeong bit your lower lip, making a moan slip out. she knew she'd broken into you. finally after a whole year of playing mind games, punishing you for trying to escape twice, forcing herself on you and more— she'd finally gotten to every part of you.

she'd at last corrupted you. she'd become a virus, a deadly virus for you, consuming you whole. she'd succeeded. she took over your mind, heart, body, everything. she loved every second of it.

"so fucking mine." this was everything she'd strived for. she'd made her dream come true. you were now her doll, made to do what she wanted you to do, made to let her play with you.

you were her perfect doll.

"only mine."

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖⊹ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚✧˖°.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 — 「cupid's game」

ᯓ✦ 𝓊𝗻𝚒𝘷𝐞𝗋𝓢𝙚 !

𐙚 taglist! @woniefication

Douqhnxtss © 16022025 — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. do not edit, translate, repost or plagiarize any of my work !

[solardriftx]

Damon and Diana, Snake and Chameleon

in the context of chapter 1 i wanted to expand on some of the animal symbolism, particularly damon's symbol of a snake and diana's of a chameleon. buckle up yall!

while the biblical snake symbolism is obvious, i think lots of meaning can be derived from real world knowledge--in particular, the familiar image of a snake shedding its skin. snakes enter periods of heightened aggression when molting due to the sensitivity of their new skin, and i think this will be reflected by damon becoming much worse in the name of defending himself before he changes for the better. his initial distrustful mindset was proven right, the second he even *began* to trust someone it blew up in his face. while he was crying for a moment in the face of eva's death, this sorrow was quickly overrun by frustration and anger, particularly at diana's words.

additionally, while i'm not sure if exact genus/species of certain animals were intended or will become important to interpretation, i'd like to draw a connection between damon's snake symbol and a certain genus. from the green color and his american origins, i think he can be connected to opheodrys, a common genus of green snake from north america coming in two species of rough or smooth variety. these snakes are not commonly kept as pets due to their standoffish and defensive nature around humans, making them prone to biting. despite this, they're non-venomous and generally harmless. damon makes it clear when confronted that he does not intend to harm anyone. in fact, his monologues show he thinks much more about how he would respond if someone were to attack *him* instead, noting the physical advantage some of his classmates have (rough/smooth green snakes are very small). we can even tie these traits of non-venom back to the prologue trial, where he appeared very hostile despite genuinely thinking he was helping. and of course, a connection can also be made to damon's general personality of being outwardly cold when deep down he's just... a guy who gets easily embarrassed.

now onto diana! first off i was surprised she actually mentioned her animal and how it relates to her, i thought the motifs were going to be more of an unspoken thing. makes me wonder if any other characters will mention their animals. anyway, fun fact! chameleons don't change color to camouflage, they do it for thermoregulation and social signaling. for diana, i'm more concerned with social signaling, as chameleons can change into very bold displays of colors to communicate dominance, as paralleled by diana's bold display at the end of the first trial with the intention of rallying the others behind her. this could be a stretch, but diana's darker/bold color pallet could be a reference to the potential spectrum of colors that a chameleon would display under stress.

i find it funny though, that while diana says that she will adapt like a chameleon, keeping chameleons in captivity is notoriously hard due to their highly specific environmental requirements- be it temperature, humidity, or lighting, they're easy to accidentally kill. diana may claim with a brave face that she has the strength to fight this killing game no matter the struggle, yet someone with the stress sensitivity of a chameleon in a situation like this is doomed to buckle.

anyway...can you tell they're my two favorite characters. antag diana im so ready for you if you're real

[sylusonychinus]

Day 6 - you said you'll grow old with me

Request by anon -

can we get a pure angst fic like literal no comfort just hurt and tears and everything because I barely see any angst fics from this game. So like it's basically Innocent birdcage where instead of Sylus getting killed by MC he killed her first

a/n: well i mean it was requested :3 I have a surprise for yall on valentines keep an eye out for it (つ╥﹏╥)つ (i semi sobbed maybe)

The moon hung low, a cold witness to the tragedy unfolding within the dimly lit halls of the abandoned estate. Flickering candlelight cast distorted shadows along the cracked walls, where dust and time had long settled like ghosts of the past. And in the heart of this decayed ruin, a cruel stage was set.

She never saw it coming.

One moment, she stood before him, hands trembling yet reaching out, the warmth of her touch almost brushing his sleeve. There was sorrow in her eyes—pleading, desperate. The next, a cold shock spread through her chest, the weight of betrayal sinking into her like jagged glass.

She gasped, choking on something thick, something warm. Her knees buckled, and the world tilted violently as she staggered, hands flying to the sharp intrusion buried deep in her torso. Scarlet bloomed across her dress like a macabre flower, staining the pale fabric with a truth she refused to acknowledge.

"Sylus…?" Her voice cracked, disbelief drowning the edges of her words.

His expression was unreadable, a glacial mask that revealed nothing, not even satisfaction. The dagger in his grip gleamed under the dim candlelight, slick with her lifeblood, yet his hand did not waver.

"You hesitated." His voice was a mere whisper, as if the weight of his actions had already begun sinking into his bones. "And I couldn't afford that."

She wanted to laugh, to scream, to curse the heavens for their cruel fate. But her body was betraying her faster than he ever did. The air burned in her lungs as she shuddered, her fingers clutching weakly at the dagger still lodged inside her, as if pulling it free would somehow undo the irreversible.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, unbidden, unwanted.

"I—" she tried, her breath hitching as her vision swam. There was so much she wanted to say, to demand—Why? Did none of it mean anything? The stolen glances, the fleeting moments where she thought she had seen something real in his eyes? The unspoken promises that now shattered like fragile glass at their feet?

But words failed her, and all that remained was the silence between them.

She fell.

Sylus watched as she crumpled, her body hitting the cold stone floor with a sickening finality. The crimson pool expanded beneath her, tainting the remnants of what little innocence had remained between them. His fingers twitched, an unspoken thought lurking just beyond reach, but he shoved it down, deeper, burying it beneath layers of duty, necessity, and cold, calculated resolve.

And yet, as her broken form lay motionless, her breath slowing, fading—

He could not look away.

A tremor ran through him. The hand that had so easily driven steel into her flesh now felt foreign, as if it no longer belonged to him. A sharp, suffocating weight pressed against his ribs, an unfamiliar ache he could not name.

He had done what needed to be done.

So why did it feel like he had lost everything?

Her fingers twitched, barely perceptible, as if even in her last moments, she refused to let go. It was cruel. She was cruel.

And when the light finally left her eyes, the shattered remains of his soul went with her.

The dagger slipped from his grasp, clattering against the floor, forgotten.

But the silence that followed would never leave him.

a/n: comment down below if you cried (つ╥﹏╥)つ

[toto-the-cactus]

I started to write this very innocently and planned to make it NSFW but I did the mistake of watching the episode 7 of Dandadan and now instead of horny I want yall to be sad. Ovulation manifest in a very fucked up way for me and I will not suffer alone. Teehee.

Credits where they are due. This ask from @moodymisty is the reason that inspired this... I dunno, AU?? But kudos for them. This idea was really good so I just decided to expand it.

If this get that much attention I'll may think in doing a part 2 where you go and take Angron's ass back without the nails this time, ajua!

Summary: As a perpetual, you have been by the Emperor's side for most of your immortality. There's no name for what strange dynamic you both share, but you do trust him and your loyalty eventually pays off over millennia once he fulfills an old promise he made during your first ever encounter.

Pairing: Emperor of Mankind x Perpetual!Reader (Female)

CW: Slight NSFW

Part 1 - Part 2 - ?

The Mother

“I know you’re still angry”

You hated how He phrased that. He knew very well that you were furious at him more than anything and yet the Emperor voiced it as if you weren’t mourning the loss of the children that you were supposed to call yours.

Erda had warned you plenty of times, looking between a mix of sadness and resignation as she knew very well how much of a tangled mess were yours and the Emperor’s relationship over millennia. Even as a perpetual, you never could come close to understand why He acted the way he did, but his reassurances and sweet-nothings made you easily into crumbling sand between His fingers. So much that when he finally answered your plea for a family, the joy of it had overrode your common sense.

Your genetic composition, while still powerful, never seemed to take and each attempt for a baby to grow inside the gestation capsules ended in failure and that eventually made you grow distant and despondent towards the Emperor, who, for once, seemed to understand your gloomy emotions and gave you some space until a solution could be found.

And it did… in the form of your best friend Erda. She had been ready to reject the proposal of giving her genetic stock, but her own loyalty to the Emperor and her love for you was enough to convince her with still some reluctance along the way.

You hadn’t even cared if these children carried your own blood or not. This was the one thing you had found yourself craving for so long and it was becoming reality.

The Emperor had made it very clear that these creations had been made too to serve as aids for the Crusade, not simply to satisfy the promise he had made to you all those centuries ago.

At first you didn’t heed his warning, too enthralled at the overwhelming emotions of seeing these tiny babies take form.

Your children.

A part of you had been too arrogant, too naive to believe that you could convince the Emperor of Mankind to drop this plan of his to raise kids as pawns of warfare. You had wanted to thrust that a part of Him still would hold the same tenderness that he had always reserved for you like the very first time. So you kept talking to the gestating children, whispering words of love and adoration. You sang them lullabies of long forgotten times and teared up when some would instantly react at the soft tones of your voice.

You have even dreamed with the little one that had shown immense psyker power.

So it broke you beyond repair when Erda came back to you in distraught, explaining what she had done with the developing Primarchs once the Emperor had been still adamant and unmoving to his plans.

The fate of your sons had been decided and your friend had been desperate to try and stop it.

Now you lost everything, all your happiness had been taken away and as much as you wished to blame Erda too, you only held her shoulders in a tight bruising grip (she looked at you surprised, unaware that you possessed such strength) and stared at her dead in the eyes with a voice that commanded nothing but attention.

“I’m willing to forgive you, Erda… I am… but you must earn it” you said with a clear tremble in your voice, a painful knot stuck in your throat at the impotence of the whole situation. “Please, please… go find them! Find them so I can retrieve them and hold them at least for the first time!”

So she did, in the silence of the night and away from any prying eyes.

Once alone in the privacy of your room, you cried until the pain bled into painful sobs of despair.

It was in the aftermath of your spilling emotions when the Emperor came to you in a mockery of comfort, his huge hand encased in his golden armor caressing with immense care your body. It was a shame that he had some truth to his words, for your anger simply made you feel like his attempt of compassion was cold and mechanical in nature.

A detailed script where the husband consoles the wife that He must follow. But as fast as the burning anger came, it easily simmered down by the constant sorrow. You felt hollow and as much as you wished to keep ignoring him… you needed the little love he still professed for you in rare moments.

“No, my love… I just feel empty now” your voice conveyed it, for it lacked anything beyond the trembling of a sob.

“Then let me help you” the Emperor expressed with an unchanging expression, but the way he whispered those words felt like the sweetest caress.

You breathed deeply, a few stubborn tears still escaping because how dare he speak to you like you were the only thing that he cared for. You had grown accustomed to this weird and shifting dynamic you both had and yet he did things like this that disrupted the routine and reminded you why you fell for him a long time ago.

You had seen him as a man, nothing more… and he had thanked you for that.

This time you had to choke a sob down before speaking.

“How?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he got up and took his golden armor piece by piece.

It took a while but you were a patient woman with little to no motivation to move at the current moment. This was your room, the single place where no one was allowed to bother you two and so could take any sweet time.

Once finished, his warm hand held your head carefully and left your neck exposed to be kissed and licked at his whim. You were ready to try and tell him to hold on (you would never dream of being strong enough to push him off of you), but the bite on your shoulder forced a breathy moan out of your lips, wilting your weak attempt at stopping.

You still felt the sting of pain at the loss of the children and these actions only fuelled the new emotion of guilt brewing inside you.

Why was he doing this to you? How would this help your broken heart?

“Let me make it up to you… by giving you a child in the only way we haven’t tried” his voice reverberated within your ribcage with the undertone of a growl that accompanied his words, catching you immensely by surprise with such insane proposal that you didn’t even realize when he took your undergarments out until a soft grace to your clit grounded you back to reality.

“Ah~!” you moaned this time louder, completely caught off guard by a sensitivity that you don’t remember ever having.

The onslaught of sensations dazed you, the tears flowing steadily now that you weren’t sure of what to feel in that moment.

This was a distraction, a way to appease you and sooth the sorrow… and you hated that it was working little by little. His words truly echoing inside your mind with the strange mix of guilt and excitement clashing within your body without mercy.

Yes, you wished for a child to hold. To love and care.

His enormous finger breached your entrance, the wetness having been built easily enough as his thumb hadn't stopped on his ministrations to your swollen button. His lips rarely leaving your skin without a kiss or a bite to lick, descending and going down, down.

Then… you saw it. Behind the shiny droplets of tears through your eyelids, a vision of a future that greeted you with a promise.

The children… they were alive.

You sensed the very longing of your heart, the feeling of rough scars being caressed by your gentle touch as an apology for not finding them fast enough.

You saw yourself holding a heavy blanket, a peaceful infant between your arms and a whisper of a name that seared in your memory.

‘Horus’

In this thesis I present today, I'll explain how all the goddamn heresy could have been prevented had the Emperor not sucked ass at speaking with the tactfulness of sandpaper over an open wound.

Anyway, hope yall liked it <333

[megumishousewife]

Best Friends! SatoSugu with Chubby Reader

A/N: Can yall tell I like starting new series without finishing the others?🌚 Megumi with Streamer! Chubby Reader will be out after this! I also did a lil headcanon for the thought of this series so I will insert that as well. But,please enjoy your Geto and Gojo being your close friends that has some...fantasies about you.

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who known you since your middle school days, befriending you the moment Shoko and Utahime introduced you

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who followed the three of you to college because they wanted the group to stick together when in reality, Gojo's father was the dean of the school and Geto's parents are apart of the schoolboard, leaving them in power in case anything goes south with you or anyone that tries to harm you

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who watch your every move because they will fuck up whoever talks about you because you're the most precious thing to walk this earth

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who placed bets on who would get to fuck you first?

-----------------~Let the story begin~---------------

It's your first year of college and you were just excited to meet new people, try new things and expand your horizons. You were doing this with you four best friends in tow: Utahime, Shoko, Gojo and Geto. After high school, you came out your shell more because you didn't want people to think you were just some girl that was insecure about your body. That was the old Y/N, this new Y/N was bubbly and kind-spirited. For the new school year, you made all your friends come shopping with you for a new wardrobe and of course, they were all proud of your because of how much you changed since middle school.

Gojo and Geto first met you when Shoko introduced you to them in 7th grade. You were very shy and anxious, mainly clinging to Utahime until Shoko approached you one day. Since that interaction with Gojo and Geto, they became intrigued with you and welcomed you to their circle. As the years went by, you started warming up to the two guys, but that didn't mean you didn't receive hate from any of your peers. Girls that were obsessed with any attention from the two boys would call you fat, disgusting and ugly. They would laugh at you and talk about the way you looked in passing.

"Gosh, she looks like a pig," one would say.

"Aww, you made a new name for her! Piggy," the other would giggle back.

They would even go as far as lifting up your shirt, messing with your rolls calling you by that terrible nickname.

Finally, in your first year of high school, Gojo and Geto found out about bullying when they saw you crying in the courtyard, covered in food. You explained to them through your tears that the girl that had been liking Satoru for years, Asami, had poured her lunch on you and called you "trash". You don't know what was awoken in the two, but you saw a version of them that you didn't know that was hidden inside of them.

You didn't know the full details of what happened, but you do recall Asami being escorted off campus as you, Geto, and Gojo passed her. The girl maintained a silent glare at you, but she knew not to hold it too long because Asami could feel the heat of Gojo's and Geto's boiling anger. Since then, you deeply appreciate Satoru and Suguru, but you still have a deep fear of pissing them off.

Fast forward to your first day of college and you're already seeing things in your friend group that you saw in high school: sorority girls began hitting on Gojo and Geto whole you and Shoko went on your merry way. However, the blonde girl and her brunette friend were quickly shooed away once Gojo ended the conversation in the "nicest" possible.

"Can you believe it, Suguru? Those girls are already trying to fling themselves at us."

Geto just chuckled, "It's whatever. We're just new eye candy. Shoko, Y/N, would you like to attend the part with us tonight? It's for the incoming freshmen."

You beamed at them, "Sure, I don't mind! Shoko!..."

Shoko rolled her eyes as she lit her cigarette, "Fine, but you guys have to pay for my hangover food."

--------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, the four of you arrived at the party and you were already excited to get in. You wore a cute and simple black sundress for what you thought would be a chill occasion but it gave Project X vibes. You looked around as frat boys gathered around a table, chugging beer while some sorority girls were giggling at them. Outside the frat house laid drunk partygoers in pool floaties or just naked. You squeezed your way through the crowd, finding Utahime in a corner.

She hugged you and Shoko, "I didn't expect you guys to be here! It's nice to see you guys."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Shoko said sarcastically.

The three of you caught up with Utahime about how school life was treating her and after some time of dancing, you told your two friends that you would split and get you three some drinks. Maneuvering your way into the kitchen, you ended up bumping into a muscular guy, probably a sophmore or a junior .

"Sorry," you scampered over the loud music.

The man smirks at you, "It's okay. What are you drinking tonight, doll?"

The way he called you "doll" sent shives down your spine. It's bad enough he's sexy, but calling you such a sexually charged name made your stomach churn in a good way. He wore a tight fit black shirt, but you can say his muscles were struggling to stay contained. Then he wore gray sweatpants, only leaving your mind to wander. What a dangerous combo, don't even try and talk about his smile with the scar on his lip because you might get KO'ed.

"Three beers is all," you said as calm as possible.

He passed them to you and before leaving, he whispered in your ear.

"Name's Toji Fushiguro. Remember me, doll."

Toji walked back into the crowd, leaving you dumbfounded. You weren't the only one in shock about this situation, Shoko and Utahime saw everything . Their attention wasn't just on what happened either, but they were also looking at Gojo and Geto, shooting daggers at Toji the entire time.

[psychhound]

ttrpgs in the classroom (part 8)

oh boy have i not made one of these posts in ,,, like a year. grad school is crazy yall. lmao. but. i wanted to share what we do for our analysis unit now that we've hit it this semester!!

other games used in the unit:

we are but worms & graves for funerals

the assignment:

write an essay of approximately 1000 words doing a literary analysis of some aspect of a game, first forming an inquiry question, then looking in the text for evidence, then coming up with an argument about a deeper meaning of the text. the second draft of the assignment can either be an expanded essay, or a multimodal piece of the student's choosing. (the other option for this essay is to do a rhetorical analysis of an argumentative text about gaming)

the games:

[ID: a powerpoint slide titled choose your fighter game (the word fighter is crossed out, so it reads choose your game). it shows five ttrpg titles, with a short description of each, and an icon to represent them. the background is a light orange sky and green grass in a video game like art style. there is a fake game menu bar on the bottom. the games in the slide are functionally described below. end ID]

when we made war upon the slumbering woods by richard kelly @sprintingowl

a collaborate journey into the magical woods ... to destroy it

the treasure at the end of this dungeon is an escape from this dungeon and we will never escape from this dungeon by riverhouse games @riverhousegames

a lyric game about a never-ending dungeon and those stuck there

kenzie's project by sasha winter @stargazersasha

a Weird Academia horror game for three players

i love you, alive girl by anna anthropy

a 1-page game about writing love letters under surveillance

drifters by gila rpgs

a Weird West game of gunslingers and their guns

past semesters game options:

a dragon game by chris bissette cozy town by rae nedjadi @temporalhiccup

the process:

in the powerpoint introducing the games, i have a more thorough description of each one, and then three examples of inquiry questions that they could use as jumping off points to do their analysis on. the inquiry questions ask things like, what moral stance might this game align itself with, what other stories is this game in dialogue with and to what effect, what does this game have to say about the current state of our society? the students can use these inquiry questions or not, theyre only meant to be examples

the results:

this is definitely the most challenging project for my students, but i think that challenge is good for them! i've had really mixed results, with the most common issue i run into just being surface level analysis. they are, however, 18 and have never done anything like this before (for the vast majority of my students) so a lot of my feedback is just pushing them further and trying to get them to say something interesting. i really love a dragon game and cozy town, but i found they didnt have enough context of ttrpgs and dnd/pf to really Get why a dragon game was interesting, so i replaced it with escape from this dungeon since thats got some more meat for them like voicey rules and characters. and im a big fan of nedjadi's games and wanted to give my students something more cute and fun, but they struggled to find much to read into or say about it that wasnt very surface level. escape from this dungeon and ilu, alive girl are new games this semester so we will see how those go over!!

[cherryo]

Nsfw alphabet headcanons about the rise brothers would be great!

HIIIII!!!! okay so i decided to pick out three for each brother cause if i did all 26 questions for each brother it would be a little much for me right now! i may revisit a whole one for each brothers :3

Pairing: Rise! Brothers x reader (separately) genre: smut Pronouns: no actual pronouns but fem genitalia Word count:didnt count warnings: cussin' and sex lol did not proofread

LEO

A- Aftercare (what theyre like afterwards)

2nd best out of the brothers (Raph is the best) Runs you a bath before you even ask, he has snacks, towels, water and everything you could want in his room already!

I- Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect of it)

Super super romantic, literally no jokes whatsoever. As he ages he eases up but as of right now hes very intimate and romantic! He thinks sex and sexual intimacy is sacred and needs to be serious !

W-Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He only likes to be a power bottom! He feels he has wayyyyyyy more control from the bottom than on top! He also thinks you being on top is super fucking hot

RAPH:

B- Body (what their favorite body part is of themselves and their partner)

His arms!!! Fucking thick as a log, hes very proud how much he can manhandle you with his arms and how he can hold you down or in any position with one arm!

Your thighs, he loves how they look when you sit down, have a tight skirt on, how his dick feels being slide between them, how fucking soft they are!

N-No (something they wouldnt do)

Public sex or bathroom public sex. He thinks its hot but he cant handle his noises or his size in public, it would be too obvious too quick and hes too nervous to be caught!

X-X-ray (lets see whats going on under those clothes)

HOLY SHIT FUXKING BIG AS FUCK!!!!!! Literally thickness of a coke can and the length of a normal human forearm!!!!!!!! No but fr the girth is what gets you hurtin’. You two have to prep your pussy for hourrrrssss before even attempting to slide his dick in

DONNIE

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

He cums so much and it’s so thick and goopy and hot and-

He loves cumming in you and on you, depending on horny and situation level. If yall are in public he’s cumming in you so it drips out of you and he also does it commonly in the bedroom.

He cums on you primarily if its a quickie so he can just wipe it up and you wont have to worry bout your panties being soaked! How sweet of him <3

F- Favorite position

Mating press and doggy and i will not be expanding on this it just feels right!!!!

K-Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Literally breeding, body worship, overstim, panty sniffing, choking, collars & leashes, and -

He has so many, i believe hes the most adventurous in the bedroom! Mikey being second, raph and then leo <3

MIKEY

D- Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Is a panty stealer, literally sneaks dirty and clean underwear. He loves it, he primarily jerks off with them on his dick but will sometimes sniff it or stuff it in his mouth while jerkin it

L-Location (their favorite place to do it)

The bathroom!!!! Loves the counters and how creative you have to be while fucking in the bathroom. Also loves tub and shower sex! Mans is a freak fr but he just loves making the bathroom humid from stuff other than hot water ;)

Z-ZZZ (how fast do they fall asleep after?) 

Hes out, the second yall are done hes out. Hes so bad at aftercare and i know he has that whole alter ego but it just feels right!!!!!! Hes a sleepy guy :’)

[shetheabsolute]

The Welcome Basket to Sin

(Part lV – “Something to Burn On”) next

The moment cracked open like lightning splitting a still sky.

Temperance didn’t press it—just let the heat between them linger. She leaned in again, voice low in Mary’s ear, soft enough to be mistaken for a song.

“It's getting late. I think.. its bout time I head out. You take your time.”

Mary only nodded, her throat too tight for words. She watched as Temperance stepped back, slow and sure, not looking at anyone else as she glided across the floor and disappeared into the night. The door eased shut behind her with a thud that echoed a little too loud in Mary’s chest.

She sat there for a moment, heart pacing like hooves on loose dirt. Those words.. they were an invitation. Temperance wouldn't say the words, but Mary knew to follow. She was curious.

Mary stood, smoothing down her dress, trying to ignore how damp the inside of her thighs felt. She made her way over to Pearline, Grace, and Annie near the back table where the air was heavy with cigar smoke and leftover laughter.

“You headin’ out?” Grace asked, one eyebrow arched, knowing.

Mary kept her smile light. “Mmhm. Tired.”

Pearline gave her a look. “You sure it’s tired? Or.. are you finna go do sumn nasty."

"I'm grown. Young. I can.. expand my pallette if I want," Mary rolled her eyes and leaned in to hug them all quickly. “So don’t yall start.”

"Expand your pallette?" Grace bellowed out a giggle. "With a woman? You lost yo mind this time, Mary."

"I dunno.. I heard women do it better then some dudes," Pearline murmured behind her glass.

"Heard or went out and experienced for yourself, Miss girl?"Annie deadpans. Pearline sunk back in her seat, eyes diverted in a way that said she was guilty of the accusation.

Mary shook her head at all of them. She stiffled a laugh with her hand, "It ain’t like that. We just gunna have some tea, and talk."

"At this time of night?" Grace teased. "Admit it.. you going ova there to get fu-"

"Now, Grace. Be serious," Annie cut Grace's words short. She caught Mary by the wrist gently before she could go. Her expression soft, but serious. “You be safe, alright?”

Mary met her eyes. She nodded once. “Always.”

Annie didn’t say anything else. She didn’t need to.

Outside, Temperance was leaned against the hood of her Plymouth, arms crossed, smoke curling from a cigar she held between her lips like it was part of her.

The engine was already purring low.

"You sure?" Was all Temperance asked as she opened the passenger side.

Without a word Mary climbed in, her gaze to her lap. A cool grin makes its way onto Temperance's lips as she shut the door.

The ride through the back roads was quiet. Moonlight spilled through the trees in broken ribbons, catching on Temperance’s hands as they gripped the wheel—strong, steady.

Mary watched her.

Watched her jaw flex when she turned the wheel, the sharp line of her profile, the occasional glance that lingered a beat too long.

Temperance's place came into view—Mary inhaled through her nose. The hell am I gettin' into?

____

Temperance walked a step ahead, her hand resting against Mary’s lower back to guide her into the home she was growing familiar with. Mary followed behind, heart thumping loud in her chest, every part of her flushed—cheeks, chest, thighs.

She was still wet.

She hadn’t stopped being wet since Temperance leaned in and said, I wanna take you home.

Now every rustle of night breeze against her dress made her twitch. Her thighs were damp and warm and aching, her breath catching as Temperance gently led her over to the couch.

The house always smelled like earth and something sweet—dried flowers. There was a table by the window, a pile of books beside it. A one way hallway lit by lanterns, two closed doors on either wall and one in the middle. There was a small stove in the open kitchen. And a low shelf lined with jars full of strange things—roots, bones, odd fermented water, herbs. The air buzzed like it was alive.

Mary turned in a slow circle. “So.. this the part where you hex me?”

Temperance gave a small grin, her hand moving to rest on Mary’s hip. The contact made her skin hot. “Only if you do sumn to deserve it, sugar.”

Mary grinned, nervous. “You gonna make me tea like you promised?”

“I will.”

Temperance moved to the stove, struck a match. Mary stood near the doorway, trying not to feel the heat pulsing between her legs. But it was no use. Her body knew. It had known from the moment Temperance stepped into that juke joint and looked at her like she saw clean through the layers Mary had stitched around her heart.

“Do you do this often?” Mary asked, voice low.

Temperance didn’t look back. “Do what?”

“Bring girls home.”

“No.”

Mary bit the inside of her cheek. “Why me?”

Temperance finally turned. The firelight from the stove lit one side of her face, casting the other in soft shadow. Her voice was even.

“I like that you don’t flinch when I looked at you.”

Mary held her breath.

“..and you brought me a basket,” Temperance went on, “sat in my house like it didn’t bother you. You walked all the way out to the swamp like you weren’t afraid of what you’d find.” She paused. “Guess I like how curious you are.”

Mary shifted. Her thighs rubbed again, and the ache deepened. Her whole body was pulsing now—slow, steady, relentless. She felt like her skin didn’t fit right. She wanted to be touched. She wanted her to touch her.

Temperance moved closer, and Mary didn’t step back.

“You curious now?” she asked.

Mary’s voice was shaky. “A little.”

“About?”

Mary looked up into those dark, still eyes.

“‘Curious if I should be wantin' you to touch me,” she said. “And I ain’t sure I’m ready for what it’ll do to me if you do.”

Temperance was quiet for a beat. Then she stepped close—close—so that their bodies were almost brushing. Her hands stayed at her sides. Her eyes stayed soft, but watchful.

“You don’t gotta do anything but stand there,” she said, voice low and rough. “I ain’t gonna rush you.”

Mary’s chest was heaving now. Her breath shallow. Her nipples tight under her dress. Her pussy throbbed—hard. She was soaked.

“Why you talk like that?” she whispered, teeth grazing her lip.

Temperance’s smile was a slow curl, almost reverent. Like she smelled what she was doing to Mary.

“You beautiful when you want something and don’t know how to ask for it.”

Mary gasped—actually gasped.

Temperance leaned in, mouth close to her ear. “You wanna sit down before your knees give out?”

The tea was hot. That sweet cinnamon flavor again.

Temperance sat beside Mary on her couch, the steam between them curling and dancing like the things left unsaid. Outside, the swamp croaked and sighed, but inside the house it was dim and still, filled with nothing but the hum of old wood and the sound of breath.

Mary sipped. Slowly. Trying to calm the rush inside her. But it wasn’t working.

Every time she looked over, Temperance was there, her arm thrown over the edge behind Mary—steady, dark eyes, the soft gleam of her skin in the firelight. The way she had her locs hung up, her pretty face shown off. The long, strong line of her throat when she leaned back, sipping her own tea.

Mary couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d feel between her thighs.

Lord.

“I’m not use to all this quiet,” she said suddenly, her voice cracking the stillness.

Temperance’s eyes flicked to hers. “You want me to talk more?”

“No, I… maybe just some music,” Mary offered. “Somethin’ low. Ain’t gotta be much. Just so I don’t feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Temperance gave her a slow smile. “You already are.”

Mary raised her brows, heart skittering.

Temperance stood, walked over to a corner in the kitchen to a dusty old record player. She wound it with a crank, placed the needle, and let the scratchy sound fill the room. It was some old blues—low, sensual, and slow. A man’s voice dragging out heartache.

Temperance sat back down.

And this time… a little closer.

Mary noticed.

She took another sip. Her hands trembled.

“What do you like?” she asked, trying to anchor herself. “Besides sittin’ in the dark makin’ folks nervous.”

Temperance chuckled. “I like.. good stories. Rain. Moonlight on still water.” She looked at Mary, thoughtful. “I like when people surprise me.”

Mary stared into her cup. “That why you keep lettin’ me talk?”

“You louder than I’m used to,” Temperance said. “But you got good instincts.”

Mary smiled faintly. “You like girls like me?”

Temperance’s eyes dropped to her lips.

“I like girls who know what they want but are too scared to say it out loud.”

Mary’s breath hitched again.

Their knees touched now—barely, just the heat of them.

Mary’s chest rose and fell faster. The ache between her legs was unbearable now—throbbing, hot, demanding. Her panties were soaked through. Every word Temperance said seemed to sink lower in her belly and bloom there, throbbing like a bruise.

She swallowed. Her voice was soft now. Ragged.

“You ever take someone slow?”

Temperance blinked, quiet for a beat. Then: “Yes.”

Mary set her tea down, gently. The ceramic clicked against the wood coffee table.

“I don’t wanna be careful right now,” she said.

Temperance didn’t move.

Mary leaned forward slightly, breathing shallow. “I wanna know if all this—your voice, the way you sit so still, the way you look at me—I wanna know if you’re just gonna keep teasing me, or if you actually know how to fuck me like I need.”

Temperance's expression didn’t change—just deepened. Like something inside her had settled.

She leaned forward too, slowly, the air between them warm and thick.

“You sure?” She asked for the second time that night.

Mary’s pulse roared in her ears. “I been wet since you said my name the first time.”

Temperance’s hand slid across the space between them, slow. She touched Mary’s thigh, fingers firm.

And Mary shuddered.

[kc-idol]

I’ve always thought that Garroth and Katelyn would make a great duo (mostly referring to mystreet because in MCD season 3 they’re lowkey frenemies but I’ll talk about that later). They were relatively close in high school. When Katelyn broke up with Jeffery, Garroth was there to comfort her and gave a cupcake. He even did a silly voice as Katelyn said, which is basically the voice he has now. Then he took her to prom. At prom, it’s revealed she broke up with Jeffery, not the other way around. She said he was too nice and Jeffery apologized and Garroth still defended her with “stop being nice to her!!” Like LOL? Simple things like that made me like their dynamic a lot.

Also quick note, I feel like there was some romantic undertones for them in PDH season 1. I personally like them together platonically. However, when Aaron and Garroth go to pick up Aphmau and Katelyn for the prom, they end up blushing seeing them in their prom dresses. For Garroth, you could say that he was also admiring Aphmau cuz he had a crush on her but it’s evident that he thought Katelyn was pretty. I also find it interesting how him and Jeffery are kind of similar. Not only do they have the same voice actor, but Jeffery is like Garroth if he was more mature and thoughtful in my opinion.

Then they had that whole friendly rivalry in PDH season 2. However, during one of the episodes, Teony asks Katelyn if her and Garroth are still fighting, and she says yes, and that he’s been acting weird “ever since he got his new girlfriend” (aka Ivy). I don’t know if this was ever expanded upon later in the series but I would say it definitely affected their friendship. I know from PDH season 1 that Katelyn wasn’t the fondest of Ivy because of her behavior (I think it’s cuz she acted kind of obsessive and desperate about Garroth I’m not too sure). And Ivy got jealous of Aphmau being around Garroth, so I think a possibility was that Ivy didn’t want Garroth hanging around other girls while they were dating. And maybe she knew about him taking Katelyn to prom the year prior so she saw her as a threat (this also goes back to Garroth admiring Katelyn etc etc). Again, just a theory. I wished that part was explained more.

EDIT: omg so actually I just remembered Garroth was faking having a girlfriend until Ivy suggested he just date her instead, so he could have been acting weird prior to Ivy dating him cuz he was still faking so idk. Maybe Katelyn thought he was acting suspicious. I had originally put Ivy because the Katelyn and Teony moment happens either the episode after Ivy and him start dating or the same episode, sorry yall

In FCU, they reconnect though. What I find interesting is that in their first interaction, it’s mentioned they haven’t seen each other in awhile. Now this could mean different things. Awhile could refer to summer break because at this point they’re sophomores in college. It could also refer to a year. What I mean is that maybe they drifted apart near the end of high school (still friends just not as close) and didn’t interact much freshman year of college. I think this option better explains why Garroth never met Luka (Katelyn’s then girlfriend) before. I don’t know how long they’ve been dating for but it had to be atleast maybe a year or so since they were at Aphmau’s high school graduation and Aphmau is already very familiar with Luka.

After that, they interact, but I feel like it’s not in the same way it was in high school. Of course they’re still in the same friend group but their relationship is less personal. The mystreet friend group has sub friend groups and duos. For example, Katelyn, Kawaii-Chan, and Aphmau are a sub friend group. Dante, Laurance, Garroth, and Travis are a sub friend group. Aaron and Lucinda are a duo like how Travis and Dante are too. Same goes for Garroth and Laurance, and Katelyn and Kawaii-Chan. I could go on and on but you get the picture. So basically what I’m saying here is they’re still friends but have built closer connections to different people over the years.

You could kind of say their friendship happened due to close proximity or have mutual friends. Like in high school, you make friends in the same classes as you or hang around the same people and then when you graduate, y’all might drift apart because you’re far apart or wanting to meet new people. I think that’s exactly what happened to them and the effects still linger in their modern day dynamic. I haven’t rewatched the seasons recently cuz frankly they’re long as hell but from memory they just interact less.

In season 6, however, they bond over fighting the demon warlock and having both been brainwashed. I find this part really interesting because it felt like they obviously have shared traits (this is present in MCD too). They’re both strong (I think it’s mentioned they’re the most physically strong ones in the group due to the forever potions correct me if I’m wrong). Like this setup duo was not a coincidence. Also their parents (Garte and Elizabeth) worked together with those potions (idk the full lore ngl lol). So there’s this like underlying/subconscious bond between them.

I hope in season 7, we see them build back up their relationship with each other. I like them a lot. I feel like they both have issues with anger as well with Katelyn have strong emotions while Garroth has issues with jealousy (he admits it himself in season 3). Both of them have reacted to situations with violence (Katelyn has many instances, for Garroth I’m referring to him in FCU punching a guy into a tree because he was harassing aphmau). Katelyn actually defends him when her, Luka, and Aphmau are discussing it. Luka says that he used too much force but Katelyn says “some people need a good hit to get the message.” So in a way they think in similar ways. In FCU, Luka repeatedly scolds or rather discourages Katelyn’s anger and preference for violence. For Garroth, that person is Aphmau. He tries to teach her self defense but Aphmau says “I don’t think violence is the answer.”

I feel like we had gotten more interactions with them, they would encourage or bring out each other’s anger. I don’t think it would be intentionally but it would still happen.

This is how I see it going based on moments in mystreet. In Mystreet Season 2 (from what I’ve watched I didn’t finish it so take it with a grain of salt), Garroth is typically a bystander to Katelyn’s anger. In one scene, she confronts Travis about not telling her about the Nicole and Dante and Garroth doesn’t say anything until Travis says he didn’t have Katelyn in mind. He was like “Travis you’ve done messed up” in a joking manner.

I feel like Katelyn would also be a bystander to Garroth’s anger or antics really. Like she would get annoyed and express it but not to a point where it would discourage it.

I will admit thought, and I hope I’m making sense, that these reactions are probably because those emotions are not directed at each other. Because Katelyn was mad at Travis, it really didn’t involve Garroth. And since Garroth’s emotions (including jealousy) were typically towards Aphmau and Aaron in season 1, Katelyn wasn’t really involved just an observer. I think this could also connect back to them drifting apart as friends. They don’t have enough interactions for them to harbor these feelings toward each other, thus making themselves bystanders in each other’s personal drama.

This is really long but I also just thought of how they don’t harbor these feelings of anger or rivalry to each other anymore because the last time it happened (referring back to high school) they had some kind of falling out. In some parts of season 3 (or the side stories after it I think?) like that neighborhood watch episode where they have to save Katelyn cuz KC and Damian are making out downstairs, her and Garroth are talking, and Katelyn asks him why he’s wearing a cop uniform. She says it in this soft joking manner that I thought was really cute and I feel like it shows her thinking Garroth is silly. Garroth then like calls them hags 😭 and Aphmau throws something at him and Katelyn was like nice shot! It’s all in good fun so you can kind of see that previous relationship popping up every now and again. If yall know more moments like that between them show me pls! I do remember them like chilling on a couch together in season two episode one, they drive me crazy.

And lastly, another quick note, in MCD season 3, they end up fighting because Garroth’s distrust of Liochant because he’s from Tula. I remember a post mentioning that Garroth and Katelyn were too much alike and they needed someone kinda laidback for a duo to work. Like how MCD season one it was Aphmau, Garroth, and Laurance. They worked well together and season 2 was Katelyn instead of Garroth. But because it’s Garroth and Katelyn now, they’re too similar and clash with one another. It’s interesting how their MCD counterparts differ from their mystreet parts but in a way still have similarities, like both have a kind of rivalry at one point. (Obviously MCD being more intense)

I think there’s so much more I wanna say. Maybe in another post. This isn’t proofread either so sorry for mistakes. I headcanon them as really good friends. I also actually kind of headcanon Katelyn as having BPD and Garroth with Bipolar Disorder. I think it fits as they have similarities and BPD and Bipolar can be misdiagnosed with one another due to similar symptoms and behaviors (I would have to research more obviously but this is a really good post about Katelyn have BPD: https://www.tumblr.com/my-coven-is-claudia/705550091046518784/katelyn-has-bpd-analysis)

Ok, that’s it for now! There’s probably moments with them I missed cuz I didn’t fully watch season 2 (it didn’t have Laurance so I didn’t care at the time…) so tell me any if you know some pls!

[brokeaesthetic]

Please yall Please 🙏🏾 retire the freaky fics for a day and put some serious thought towards a mini series. I can't take the freaky onshots anymoreeee Please feed me some real food. I can't take it anymore. Like I love what yall are doing, but when I go for my daily dose of fan fics i want a lil more yk( Not saying people aren't writing sfw and fluff they are, i just see that there's a lot more smut, Not saying I avoid smut or hate it but sometimes I just want more substance, Ive been feeling like fan fiction has been oversaturated with smut the past couple years but didn't want to say anything). I am so thankful for the 2 sevika series I'm reading rn. Forgot the titles, but one is about a zombie apocalypse, and the other is kind of a slow burn, but one of the readers' legs is kind of messed up. " Why don't you write some yourself?" If you scroll down, you'll see. I've said this before, but heres the updated reason.. I write like shit, I would probably drop it after like 3 chapters, and I learned the hard way that I'm more for reader than a writer. I'm sure if I locked in, I could really do something, but I'm in Uni😔 so im locking in on these classes. I'm just begging you all to hear me out real quick

Here are 2 ideas

• Vi isn't just looking for powder after she gets out of prison but reader/oc ( Either they were dating before she got arrested or They had a complicated relationship maybe with feelings they couldn't explain, but they were close, you know something along those lines.) There's so much you can do with that and make it a series and even continue it into the second season. ( The relationship is rocky at first because they're both super traumatized, but they still love each other to a certain extent, so they kinda make it work. Then because they're traumatized. They keep making mistakes, yk the typical stuff keeps working, then not working. But Caitlyn isn't completely discarded, they also have a complicated relationship it doesn't have to be romantic, but it's a little interesting. But reader isn't a big fan of their relationship at all because Caitlyn is an inforcer ( Let's say reader also lost her parents to enforcers.) So she's having a really hard time with Caitlyn and vi's relationship. But it's not giving she's playing both of them, or she's dating both of them. Basically, everything is so complicated. But you can tell the reader and vi are gonna end up together at the end.

• This one kind of takes from the story of my oc x sevika story ( but I don't really give a shit I'm not writing about it anytime soon) Basically before all that bs happened with sevika losing her arm she had a fwb/fling/situationship going on, and it was kind of getting a little serious between them. But all the stress of the enforcers coming down ( We all watched the same show there's no need to explain) While all that is happening, they begin to slowly distance themselves from each other because of stress or whatever but then sevika loses her arm, and reader is all like "omg bae your arm why didn't you let me know, You could have died and I would have never known." And sevika is all like " Why should I have told you? I don't need your pity or anything. I would have let you know if I felt like you needed to know." And reader is all like "wtf is with this attitude, You know, you should have told me. I would have been there for you. What's going on right now?" ( By the way, reader isn't just some push over, she's a little sassy ( I love sassy reader so much) So she usually doesn't let savika talk to her any type of way) the story's basically building up trust with any other exploring a relationship and going through the events of season one together, and maybe even season 2.

That's all the ideas I have for right now.But you can't tell me that wasn't fire. If you thought it was fire and you wanna see what you could do with it, Tag me or talk about it with me, I would love to expand on everything.

Just feed me something other than smut fics(ngl ive been eating them but im just tired of it and want something new💀), and please, if you could be let it be a series IM BEGGING 😔😢😢

Sorry for any grammar mistakes

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Hello! Your blog is great, long time follower first time asker. Im about to start outlining my first novel (short, 30k words), and its like, sci fi noir detective? But I wanted to ask what you think the best way to world build for a novel is bc I'm famously not, great at that. Thanks ! yall have a great day !

World-building is not my strength, and as much as I admire the DnD approach of creating an entire world before you even have a plot for it, I cannot do that. My approach, therefore, is to lean on the technique of all world-building should be in service to the story. Getting too attached to a thousand details that will be left on the cutting floor is a hard no for me.

A common complaint about fantasy books is that they don't often lay out how the world works, but that doesn't bother me too much. You could spend twenty pages on trading deals and agricultural practices (and should if they interest you!), but none of that may make it to the final draft. You may be better served by trying the following:

Start With Your Premise

Let's keep it real simple. Magical abilities are sorted by color. Minerals mined from Mars start creating hallucinations that seem to predict the future. Sharks sprout legs and start terrorizing seaside towns, etc. Even if you only have an inkling of how the surrounding world will be, you probably have an idea of what you want the plot to be like.

Where is your character in regards to your concept? If there's magic in your book, what is theirs like or what do they know about it? Could they have some hidden insight on those hallucinations (actually warnings from long-dead Martians!)? Are they are shark scientist who's pretty damn sure land sharks aren't real?

Establish the baseline of your character's everyday life in the world they're in will help you figure out how to expand from there.

Establish Your Rules

Before you get off and running, sit down and figure out what's doable and what isn't. If the magic/phenomena/walking sharks manifest in a particular way, what can't it/they do? Setting your rules down ahead of time will keep yourself from writing yourself into a corner, but it also helps you justify breaking them later, if need be.

Don't, however, stick too rigidly to these rules as you go along. You might figure out a brilliant plot twist that requires going back and realigning your world to make it work! Making them up as you go along, however, may give you a much harder job when editing. Believe me, I've learned that the hard way.

Expand Your World With Your Plot/Character

Again, this is mainly to spare you tossing out pages and pages of scenes and settings you can't justify keeping in the final product. Keeping the narrow focus of your world-building on your character, starting with their normal state of things (their village, their daily life, etc), expanding when the inciting event launches them beyond what they know (holy shit, sharks with legs!), and each new problem or challenge will give you opportunity to expand your world-building in service of your story.

You don't have to do this as you go along - if you know the climax or a critical moment in your book requires establishing something specific about your world, you can weave that into your story long before it becomes important.

For example, your character may have an argument with the lead engineer of the spaceship's engines, who makes a fool of them by pointing out something they don't know. This gives a scene to establish characterization (revealing insecurities and flaws, establish relationships (rivalries, love interests, etc), and gives you a moment to establish key facts about your world by showing off the impressive engine room ahead of time. Later, when your character scrambles through it dodging bad guys to prevent the ship from crashing, the reader will already be familiar with the importance of what the character is trying to accomplish.

Be Open to Change

I recently went back to a project I haven't touched in years and was astonished to find that I ripped out huge chunks of my previous world-building, revamped the premise, changed entire conflicts and characters, and... it works so much better than what I was struggling to accomplish before.

Now don't get me wrong! This process was so emotionally devastating at the time that I put the entire thing away for years, convinced it wasn't savable. In hindsight, it was worth it, but I don't recommend this approach at all. Some concepts may be better for DnD campaigns or personal projects, and not novels. Some may be better in a different medium, like a comic or an indie game. You never have to throw anything out - unused ideas can be reworked into other stories. Maybe even a sequel!

Give yourself space to hit some storytelling walls, change up your ideas that aren't working, and experiment. All work is good work, even if some of it never ends up on the page. You'll get there.