#i AM ALWAYS SAYING WE NEED TK DO MORE STUFF WITH THEIR ASSES

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

Didn't get around to finishing it but here's the Wentzley Comic I was working on 🫶<3 hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

[ramblingdisaster73]

Oh, yours brought home a stray too?

Carlos heard the shower turn off and decided that he should get out bed. He had to get showered, start prepping breakfast, and get the loft all set for his guests. He heard the bathroom door open and turned to see his boyfriend walking towards him with only a towel around his waist.

TK stopped when he was only inches from him, leaning in to give him a good morning kiss. After he pulled away, he continued to cross the room for the clothes he had placed on the bench at the end of their bed. “What did you say you have going on today while I am at ‘team building’ day on the Ryder farm?” TK asks him in a less than enthusiastic tone.

“Grace and Charlie are coming over for breakfast, then we are going to the farmers market. We may throw a little venting about our crazy significant others in there as well.” Carlos teased.

“What could you possibly have to vent about me?” TK asked with his most innocent expression.

Carlos just shot the man a look, one that probably said all he needed to say about that, but just in case his boyfriend didn’t pick up on it, “Really TK? You can’t possibly think of anything that may cause nightmares for the foreseeable future?”

Once TK was ready to leave for his day off with the 126 he walked back over to Carlos “You know you will miss Lou eventually. I love you and will call if I need a rescue. My dad always has the most random ideas for ‘team building’.” Kissing Carlos one more time before he heads out.

Carlos pulled him back for one more kiss before letting the other man go, “I love you too. Have fun.”

“But not too much?” TK asked with a mischievous grin.

“You are an ass. Go have fun mucking out stalls.” Carlos told him as he turned towards their bedroom.

“I really hope you are wrong about that.” TK said with a shudder as he walked out of the loft, leaving a laughing Carlos behind.

Carlos spent the next hour getting the new breakfast casserole he had wanted to try into the oven, showering, and setting up the baby stuff they had bought for when Jonah or Charlie come over. They had a high chair, pack n play, and assorted toys stored in the garage. TK had brought everything up last night before Carlos had arrived home from work, knowing that Carlos planned to have it all set up so that Grace didn’t have to worry about bringing a whole nursery with her.

He had just pulled the food out to cool a little when he heard a knock at the door. He almost ran across, excited to spend the day with people that didn’t partially live in a fire house. He quickly took the excited baby from her mother, laughing when Grace exaggerated shaking her arms out once her heavy load was removed.

“It smells amazing in here. Is that the recipe you told me about?” Grace asked as they ventured into the kitchen.

“Yeah, TK was more than a little jealous. By the way, do you know what the team building is?” Carlos asked as he grabbed plates and silverware for them, plastic for Charlie.

“Nope, I didn’t even ask. My husband is lucky he hasn’t been sleeping on the couch.” Grace told him, her smile contradicting her statement.

“TK shares that with him. I told TK I thought they would be mucking out stalls.” Carlos replied. “What did Judd do?” Carlos asked as they took their food to the dining room table.

“Last week, my coworker Dave, had a call go bad. I offered to have him come over for dinner, not wanting him to be alone right after his shift. Well, he and my darling husband bonded. When I went to bed they both had a small amount of bourbon in their glasses, the next morning I wake up, go to the kitchen. There is Dave, holding my daughter. Cooking, something, I blocked out what.” Grace informed him.

“How did that happen?” Carlos asked as he made faces at Charlie in between bites of his food. He laughed when she took a handful of egg and smashed them into the tray of the high chair.

“I guess they had a few more glasses, so Judd offered the couch out of safety. Then proceeded to offer it for a whole week.” Grace added.

“Did they drink a distillery?”

“Some unidentified plumbing issues. I spent the last week spending virtually every waking moment with the man. We car pooled each day, he used all the hot water each day, he made a constant mess each day, oh and instead of recording our daughter’s first steps, because my husband left her with him, he recorded himself talking about her first steps.” Grace finished.

“Did he leave yet?”

“Oh, yeah yesterday. He told me that we were smothering and he only stayed because we wanted him too so badly. Judd is prohibited from bringing any other strays home for a while.” Grace told him with a smile.

“Speaking of strays, my darling boyfriend brought home a snake with legs. One that was pulled out of a guy’s leg. He brought it here. Where we live. In a take-out container. And Tommy and Nancy let him.” Carlos volunteered, not yet recovered from that experience.

“Not a fan of reptiles? And why did he bring it home?” Grace asked.

“No, I hate them. All of them. He brought it home because I said that I wanted a pet. I meant one that you can actually pet, not one that induces nightmares.” Carlos told her.

“I guess that explains that empty aquarium over there?” She asked.

“Yes. We finally released him yesterday before work. I finally found the little demon basking under the desk lamp. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until the loft was a torn apart that he made his location known.” Carlos told her. He laughed as he added “TK was so confused when he got back from a meeting and I was on the chair, all the furniture was in disarray, the plants were broken or torn from their pots. He thought he had been robbed. Then when I told him that I found his ‘friend’ Lou, he thought I had killed it.”

“Why would he have thought you killed it?” Grace asks no longer trying to conceal her laughter at Carlos’ tale.

“I may have said “I got him”, that could have been what prompted that thought. Fortunately, TK realized that it was time to let the lizard go home, to his real home, outside of our home.” Carlos stated with one more shudder.

“Judd was lucky that he realized that it was beyond time for Dave to leave after the whole Charlie walking video debacle. My husband then decided to risk his limbs when he asked ‘when are you gonna tell him?’” Grace told him, air quotes and all. “He was lucky that I couldn’t actually kill him with a look.”

“TK put a container of meal worms on the counter, by our food. He was also lucky that looks can’t kill. Those creepy little monsters need to stay in the desert, not where I live.” Carlos added with another round of shuddering.

Grace was clearly struggling not to laugh at Carlos’ when she asked “They really are so much alike. They will both deny it, but I swear the two of them share the same braincell sometimes. Do you remember when they could barely be in the same building as each other?”

Carlos chuckled as he replied “Oh yeah, I remember. I was annoyed with TK one night at the bar. We had finally decided to go on an actual date, and he was fixated on Judd as soon as you two entered the bar. He hated being called the ‘coach’s kid’. He said it happened all the time in New York, and he had hoped for that to stop when they moved here.”

“I remember that night. They were both so stubborn, I mean they still are, just as a united front instead of opposing sides.” Grace said.

They finished their breakfast and quickly cleaned up so they could get to the farmers market before it got too busy. They rode together in Grace’s car, listening to what could only be kids songs and nursery rhymes the whole way, Charlie babbling along.

“So how have you been?” Grace asked. At his questioning look, she added “Since the whole Owen’s stalker situation.” As they roamed through the aisles of booths selling all sorts of homemade items.

“Oh that. Yeah that was awful. Watching TK realize what had been stolen from him, in our home was almost worse than watching him when he walked away from me last fall.” Carlos told her.

“How are you doing though?” She asked.

“Me? I am ok. I mean it makes me mad. It makes me so angry that this woman was so obsessed with Owen that she was willing to drug us to get to him. TK passed out before I did though. It hit him first, maybe because of the walking or due to his past, I am not sure but, he had fallen face first on the floor right outside of our bedroom, I could only see his feet when I passed out too. I was so terrified, not for the first time, but that was the last thing I remember, being terrified that TK was already dead.” Carlos told her, finally talking someone besides TK what he had felt that night.

“How is TK doing?” She asked as they stopped at a booth with an assortment of rag dolls, she laughed when Charlie started pointing at them.

“Honestly, sometimes I think he is doing better than me with it. He has a sponsor now, he hadn’t had one since New York, he has been going to meetings daily, sometimes more if he needs it.” He responded.

“Why do you think he is doing better with it?” She asked once Charlie had picked out one of the dolls.

“I didn’t exactly take the whole having a sponsor situation the best.” He told her.

“Why?” she retorted.

He guided her over to a lemonade stand, buying them both one before going over to a shaded seating area that was currently empty. “All of a sudden TK was talking about this guy Cooper, like a lot. Then I met the guy, who is attractive by the way. I acted like an idiot. The day I met Cooper was the first time that TK felt he needed a second meeting. Instead of paying attention to what that meant for him, that he was struggling more, I acted like a jealous moron. It didn’t get better when he got home that night. I threw myself a petty dinner party for 1.”

“I doubt it was that bad. Things are better now though, with you and the sponsor or whatever?”

“Yeah, I had to get out of my own head and look at it from TK’s perspective. He was also extremely patient with me, doing what he could to reassure me of my place in his life. However, now that its all out in the open and figured out, things have actually been really good. I think that was why I didn’t demand that he release the creepy escape artist be immediately evicted. It made him smile, and I had really missed seeing him smile so much.” Carlos told her.

“Carlitos?” was called from someone at a booth by the seating area.

Carlos turned his head; he would know that voice anywhere. “Mom. I didn’t know you were coming here this morning.” He said as he leaned in for a hug. “Grace, this is my mom Andrea Reyes. Mom, this is Grace and Charlie Ryder, Grace is a dispatcher and married to one of the 126 firefighters.”

He laughed as his mom pulled Grace in for a hug, knowing that his mother rarely greeted anyone without one, especially if they were connected in any way to her family. No one stayed a stranger for long when it came to Andrea Reyes. “Is dad with you?” he asked.

“No, he is working, thank goodness.” The last part muttered more than spoken clearly.

“What did he do now?” Carlos asked.

“He brought home chickens.” Andrea answered.

“Chickens? Why?” Carlos inquired.

“For the fresh eggs of course. We will save so much money on eggs. I asked him where they would be going as we do not have a chicken coop, nor do I want one. He took me behind the barn, where he had built a chicken coop.” Andrea told them. She raised her brows at the duo as they were struggling to breathe through their laughter.

“Apparently dad and TK were on the same page this week.” Carlos said.

“You have chickens in your loft?” Andrea asked him.

“No, and please do not mention that to TK, he would probably jump all over it, then I would have to try to convince Owen to let him have them there. No, TK brought home a lizard he named Lou.” He told his mom.

“But you hate reptiles, or really any animal without fur.” She said with confusion.

“It hadn’t come up in conversation over the last couple years. I had been telling him I wanted to get a pet, he thought he was providing a solution to a problem, not adding a problem. It escaped for two whole days. It was awful. Fortunately, TK took mercy on me and we took the lizard back to the area he had been found in, or at least the geographical location if not the actual location.” Carlos told her.

“What does that mean?” Andrea asked them. “Did you have strays brought home too?”

Grace managed to answer “A guy’s leg.” Between fits of laughter. “My husband didn’t really bring a stray home, that was my fault. I offered a coworker dinner after a hard shift, my husband told him he could stay for a week.”

“You all certainly do not live boring lives. I see your Tia Lucy waving me down, I should probably go before she gets us in trouble.” Andrea told them as she gave them both hugs. “Grace, it was delightful to meet you and your beautiful daughter. Carlitos, I will see you and TK on Sunday, yes? Give TK my love.” she accepted his nod as confirmation.

“It was great meeting you as well. I hope you are able to stay out of trouble.” Grace told her as she and Charlie waved goodbye. “Your mom is hilarious.”

“Yeah she really is. Uh oh, it looks like someone is getting tired” Carlos noticed as they watched Charlie rub her eyes and snuggle her new doll close to her.

“I think I might be ready for nap time too. Are you ready to head out?” Grace asked.

“Yeah, I have a few things to get done before TK gets home. A nap doesn’t sound too bad either.” Carlos told her.

A half an hour later, Carlos was back at home and Grace and Charlie were on their way to nap town. He looked around the room, trying to remember what was on his to do list for the afternoon, when he couldn’t come up with anything he decided that curling up with TK’s blanket on the couch would be the best way to spend the afternoon. He hadn’t realized how tiring it could be following a walking and crawling child; he didn’t know how Grace and Judd kept up with their little ball of energy. He heard a notification on his phone just as he was closing his eyes. There was a picture of a sleeping Charlie, she hadn’t even made it all the way home before heading into dreamland. The follow up text made him smile even more.

Grace: We need to get together more often. We had fun today.

Carlos: I did too. Let me know next time you are free. We can even include Judd and TK.

Grace: Sounds like a plan. Oh, and I need that recipe for this morning please!

Carlos: I will email it to you!

[nhlandotherimagines]

Oh Brother- Nolan Patrick (ft. Travis Konecny)

Author’s Note: I’ve been working on this for ages, and I finally just said ‘screw it!’ and am posting it! I’d love any and all feed back, and please tell me if you find any mistakes I’m the worst at editing! Thank you in advance!

Summary: Baby Konecny, that’s all you’re known as now that you’ve moved in with your older brother Travis. You love your brother, but things get a little difficult after one night at a bar with his bestfriend Nolan. Okay, and maybe one night turned to more, but Travis can’t know.

Tagging a few people, so if for any reason you would like to a) not be tagged on this particular post for any reason or b) would not liked to be tagged on any of my posts please do not hesitate to tell me ☺️ @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @titobeauvs @bigboigritty

Word Count: 8.4 K

WARNINGS: This is definitely ✨spicy✨ at times, 18+ (sexual themes), cursing, alcohol, ANGST, anxiety, lying about/hiding a relationship, hospitals, some cute moments as well of course. (Please let me know if you find anything else in here that should be mentioned here thank you)

_______________

“Hey Y/n/n, you coming out with us after the game tonight?” Your brother Travis yelled to you from the kitchen of your shared apartment. You had just moved in with him a few months ago to start school in Philly, so you hadn’t gotten out much.

“You really think you’re okay with your baby sister going out with you tonight TK?” You added giggling to yourself as you pulled on your Flyers jersey. “Well you need to get out and see the world kid!”

“Call me kid again and I will set Nolan on you during warm ups.” You smirk joining him in the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Travis’ face twists a little, but you choose to ignore it. “Fine! I’ll go.” You add shoving his shoulder lightly. He smiles at you, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You don’t press him on it though as you both get ready to head to the arena.

“Trav and Nolan seem off, do you know what’s up with them?” You hadn’t really noticed, but now that Travis’ girlfriend Karly was pointing it out you could totally see it.

“I don’t know, but when I mentioned sticking Nolan on him earlier for calling me a kid, Travis did get a little weird. I hope they are okay.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, you know how Trav can be at times!” Karly smiled reassuringly. The two of you continued to talk throughout the game, and soon enough you were waiting together outside the dressing room. Thankfully Travis and Nolan came out of the dressing room together both laughing which was a good sign.

“Hey babe!” Travis smiles wrapping his arms around Karly lifting her off the ground. You roll your eyes playfully and smile up at Nolan. He winks down at you, and your face heats up slightly.

“What’s up baby Konecny?” Nolan smirks down at you, resting his elbow on your head to emphasize the height difference. “Nolan I swear to god you’ve gotta stop calling me that! Just because I’m TK’s sister doesn’t mean I enjoy you pointing it out.” You scold, trying to ignore the butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“Oh my bad let me try that again.” He clears his throat dramatically and drops his arm so it’s around your shoulder, “What’s up baby?” His voice is deep, and you nearly choke at the pet name. You open your mouth, and close it immediately. Unable to form any coherent sentences. Thankfully Travis finally turns to you, a frown on his face as his gaze comes to Nolan’s arm still around your shoulder.

“Alright then, are we ready to go?” He asks awkwardly. You and Karly share a look, and Nolan’s arm falls from your shoulder. You try not to think about it, but you already miss the contact and feel cold as he steps away from you. “Let’s go!” Karly smiles, and starts dragging you out to the parking lot by the wrist. She is practically running, and yells to the boys that you are both going to the bathroom before you leave. This seems odd because you had gone not even a half hour ago as you both waited for the boys.

“Do you seriously have to pee again? You didn’t even drink that m-“ You started to question but Karly quickly cut you off. “NOLAN IS INTO YOU!”

“Woah! What!? Karly what are you talking about?” Your heart rate sped up and your face felt like it was on fire.

“That’s what is wrong with Travis. He is pissed off that his best friend is into his little sister! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” She is mostly just rambling on to herself and you feel sick. “He’s not into me Karly, he’s just nice to me because I’m TK’s baby sister.”

She stops and stares at you for a moment before her smirk grows even wider. “Oh. My. God. You’re into him too!”

“Nooo! No. No. No. Karly I am not, don’t even say that.”

“Why not?”

“Travis would kill me if he found out that I like Nolan!” After the words spilled past your lips followed by a moment of silence, your eyes nearly popped out of your head. “Karly I didn’t mean-“

“OH MY GOD! This is amazing!”

“SHHHH! What if they hear us!?”

———

After a few moments to collect yourselves, you head out to the car. As you open the passenger door of Travis’ car Karly grabs your arm. “Do you think I could sit in the front with Trav?” You know exactly what she is doing. “But I always sit shot gun...” you whine.

“Y/n, seriously just get in the back it’s a five minute drive back home.” Travis sighs out, rolling his eyes at your dramatics. You groan inwardly and climb into the back with Nolan.

“So Patty are you coming over to pregame with us?” Travis asks watching Nolan in the rear view mirror as he starts the car.

“What you meant to say I think is ‘Hey Patty will you come over and babysit y/n/n so Karly and I can fornicate before we go out?’ and the answer is yes I can, but I’m drinking your liquor and you better keep it down this time.” Nolan smirks at you once again and you quickly look down at your hands a smile tugging at your lips.“Yeah I’m with Patty here, I don’t need to hear that again!” You and Nolan laugh together in the backseat as the two in the front seat do their best to deny the accusations.

——

About an hour later, you are stepping out of your room dressed in dark jeans, a band tee, and a leather jacket. Your hair is curled a little, and your makeup all done. “You clean up nice baby Konecny” Nolan smiles at you from his spot on the couch as he tosses you a can of beer.

“Am I gonna be stuck living in your boyfriends shadow forever Patty?” You giggle cracking the beer and falling on to the couch beside him.“Jealous?” He grins, leaning back and stretching his arm across the back of the couch just behind your head.

“Not in the slightest.” As you both sit in a comfortable silence, you can hear music starting to play down the hall and you groan loudly and check the time on your phone. “They do this every time!”

“Oh don’t be such a baby y/n, they’re in love.” Nolan teases. “Yeah well they will still be in love tonight when I’m passed out drunk and can’t hear them.” You grumble playing with the hem of your shirt, and take another swig of beer.

“Sounds to me like someone needs to get laid” You immediately spit out the beer in your mouth choking on it. “Point proven.” He chuckles

“Hey! I get laid plenty thank you very much!” You shoot back at him after catching your breath. “Oh yeah? Must be when we are at the rink then, because last I checked TK hasn’t seen a single guy step foot in this apartment. And I know you don’t go out.”

“Why do you care?” You spit at him, becoming angry because you know he’s right. With that Nolan leans closer to you, and you can feel his breath on your neck. Subconsciously you tilt your head revealing more of your neck to him. You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he whispers, “Gotta keep an eye on my competition.”

“What the-“ You don’t even have a chance to process the words when Travis’ voice makes you jump.

“Travis! Ready to go?” You practically shout, the nervousness pouring off you. Already on your feet walking towards the door.

“Wow TK that was fast. Not sure if I should be congratulating you or apologizing Karly.” Nolan chirps. You can feel the tension in the room, but no one acknowledges it. So soon enough you’re all packed in an Uber. Travis and Nolan both have their heads stuck in their phones, and Karly’s hands are all over Travis. It’s all really uncomfortable for you, so you’re the first out when the car pulls up to the bar.

Ignoring the entire group you make your way inside and to the bar, trying your best to flag down a bartender. “Want a hand short stuff?” You feel your breath catch in your throat as Nolan’s hand falls to the small of your back when he slides into the spot next to you. You just nod in response, as Nolan orders you a drink after quickly catching the attention of the bartender. He smiles down at you, and his hand slides lower so it is now resting dangerously close to the top of your ass.

“You look really good tonight Y/n.” You blush and mutter out a weak thank you, “You don’t look too bad yourself Patty.” Before either of you can say anything else your drinks are placed in front of you. Grabbing them quickly, you made your way to the booth Travis and Karly had claimed for you all.

“Wanna dance Y/n!?” Karly asked hopefully, a wide grin on her face. You chug about half your beverage, and take her hand as she drags you to the dance floor.

You and Karly dance for awhile together and you try and forget about the boys entirely. You’ve been mostly successful in that until you feel two big hands on your waist and a body dancing against you. You’re having too much fun to really care about the stranger dancing with you, until Karly speaks up about it. “Y/n, Nolan hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night! I think he’s jealous!” She smirks wiggling her eyebrows.

“You’ve been making eyes at my brother all night, how would you even know? Besides he’s not jealous.” You throw back, ignoring the pit forming in your stomach. You really wished Nolan felt that way about you, but he doesn’t. He couldn’t. You’re just baby Konecny. A frown creeps it’s way onto your face the farther in your thoughts you get. You’re so lost in thought, that you don’t even notice Karly slip away to find TK. It’s not until you feel the warm hands leave your hips, that you manage to tune back into your surroundings.

“I think you are done here man, go find someone else to bother.” Nolan is now standing between you and the guy you’d been dancing with. If you had been able to stop staring at Nolan, you might have even noticed how attractive your dance partner had truly been. “Nolan-“ You try and butt in to tell him it’s okay.

“Listen dude I didn’t know she was taken I’m sorry!” The mans hands go up in defence as he smiles apologetically at you. “Yeah well she is, so you can go now”

Your heart stops at his words. You knew it was just him playing the protective big brother roll, and hell TK probably sent him to do it. That doesn’t mean you didn’t feel things when he said it. “Okay I don’t know why TK told you to come over here, but I am quite capable of taking care of myself!” You scold him crossing your arms. You push past him bumping his arm as you head towards the table again. You don’t manage to get far though before Nolan’s hand is wrapped around your bicep. “He didn’t.”

You turn around to face him, and are taken aback by how close he is. The look in his eyes indecipherable. “What?” You manage to croak out, unable to comprehend what’s happening because you’re so nervous.

“TK didn’t send me over here. In fact Karly and TK left 5 minutes ago, but how would you know right? You were too busy basically having sex with that guy on the dance floor!” His words are sharp and his grip on your arm tightens slightly.

“I was not! And even if I was Patty, what’s it to you? Maybe I’d like to have a guy take me home for once, maybe I’m sick of having to go home and listen to my brother have sex with his girlfriend!” You’re yelling now, but as Nolan’s eyes darken you get nervous. “You’re not my babysitter...” you mumble dropping your eyes to stare at your feet. “I know I’m not your babysitter Y/n, but I can’t let you go home with strangers.”

“Why not? I’m an adult!” You’re sure you sound like a whining child at this point, which is not helping your argument. Nolan groans. He lets go of your arm and runs his hands over his face and stares up at the ceiling. “Because. Because I want to take you home. Okay?”

“N-Nolan what are you talking about?” Your heart is pounding in your ears, and your head is spinning.

“Y/n, I’m sorry if this is weird, but god I think you’re amazing and there is nothing I want to do more than be with you tonight. I want to be the one you dance with like that.” He lets out a shaky breath, before finishing, “And fuck Y/n/n, I want to take you home with me.” Before you can even comprehend what all of it means you’re stepping into him. You run your hands up his torso and down his arms slowly. He’s eyes are watching your every move, as you spin around so your back as facing him. Grabbing his wrists you set his hands on your hips, smiling over your shoulder at him. “Then shut up and dance with me Patty.” Nolan smirks, and pulls your body flush against him. You move your hips against his, biting your lip hard as you feel his bulge rub against you. His lips attach to the base of your neck, leaving sloppy kisses in a trail to your ear. “Y/n-“ he whispers in your ear, “let me take you home.” It’s a desperate plea, but the way he pulls your earlobe between his teeth as he pulls away makes you rub your thighs together.

“Nolan-“ you practically moan his name, “This is a bad idea.” With that he grips your hips, spins you around, and crashes his lips to yours. He is trying to communicate how it’s not a bad idea, or if it is, that it’s worth it. And as you melt into him, becoming more needy, you know he’s right. You barely make your way out of the bar and into the Uber before Nolan’s hands are roaming your body more freely. His lips are searching yours, as his hand creeps up under your tshirt. He moans against your lips when his fingers reach the lace of the bralette you were wearing. You arch your back in anticipation of his hands finally palming at your breasts, but you groan in frustration as he pulls away from you entirely. “Someone is needy!” He chuckles, “we are here.” He winks at you paying the driver and practically drags you out of the car into his building.

When you both finally reach his apartment he unlocks the door letting you inside. As you stand in his living room you start to feel self conscious. “Baby come here.” Nolan’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts as you follow it into the kitchen. The pet name fuelling the fire that had been growing in you all evening.

Before you turn the corner into the kitchen, you pull your shirt over your head and throwing it to the floor. There is no going back now. “Fuck.”

“Are you just going to stare at me all night Patty, or are you going to fuck me? Because if not I’m just going to do it myself.” You smirk at him, running your hands down your sides stopping at the waste of your jeans.

“Jesus Christ! I was ready to bend you over this counter, but I think watching you touch yourself sounds pretty fucking hot.” He smirks and pats the counter looking at you expectantly.

———

Your evening started in Nolan’s kitchen, and eventually you found your way to his bedroom. The chemistry between you two, was undeniable. Nothing prepared you though, for the feeling of waking up in his arms. You were facing him, his face inches from yours. His breathing was shallow, and his cheeks their usual shade of pink. He was beautiful. “Anyone ever told you it’s rude to stare?” His voice was groggy and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t sexy as all hell.

“I wasn’t-“ you began your protest, but were cut off by your phone ringing loudly from the nightstand.As you roll over to grab it, Nolan groans in protest. Your stomach drops when you see the name flashing across the screen. “Oh fuck!” Nolan’s eyes are wide when you turn back to him, terror evident on your face. “It’s Travis.”

“Hey Trav, what’s up?” You answer, hoping he doesn’t pick up on how unsteady your voice is.

“Where are you? Are you okay? I tried getting Nolan on the phone to see what happened last night.” His voice is laced with worry, and guilt washes over you. “I’m okay, I promise.” You’re practically whispering into the phone. Nolan’s eyes burning into you with his hand covering his mouth in shock, isn’t helping your nerves.

“Holy shit, y/n, did you go home with someone!?” You can hear the smirk in his voice. “Umm- uh- yeah I guess I did?”

“Atta girl! Do you want me to come get you?” He asks, and you nearly throw up at the thought.

“NO!” You cringe outwardly at how fast and loudly you protested. “I’ve already ordered the Uber, I’ll be home soon!” With that you quickly said your goodbyes and hung up. Immediately getting out of bed, and searching around for your clothes. You can feel Nolan’s eyes on you.

“You could just stay awhile you know.” His voice is so soft it almost doesn’t sound like him. “Right!” You laugh humourlessly, “and would you like to explain to my brother that it was actually you I slept with last night?” As you look over at him for the first time since you left the bed, all the air is sucked from your lungs. The sheets draped around his waist, an arm resting behind his head, his hair a mess. He looks so perfect, but his face twists at your words and the look now present in his eyes is one you can’t place.

“The kitchen.” He responds lazily. Your brows furrow in confusion. “Your clothes. They are in the kitchen.” He adds, but his eyes don’t meet yours. Your mind wanders to last night in the kitchen, and you can’t help the smirk that comes to your face. Walking slowly back over to Nolan, your place a hand on his cheek. He leans into it, and your heart melts as his gaze finally meets yours.

“I had a good time last night. We should do it again sometime.” You wink at him and he chuckles lightly in response. “We just can’t let my brother know we are fooling around. He’d kill us!”

“Sure. Yeah.” He responds shaking his head and kissing you lightly. “Don’t tell your brother.”

———

“Took you long enough!” The words were out of his mouth before you even closed the door.

“Jesus Trav, I’m an adult I shouldn’t have to let you know exactly where I am and when I’ll be home!” You glare at him, as you kick off your shoes and basically fall onto the couch. He laughs at you as you let out a loud groan. “Long night?”

“You have no idea!”

“Okay ew gross!” He whines covering his ears.

“You asked! Besides I’m sure your night was just as eventful!” You laugh as he gives you the finger, walking down the hall.

———

Over the course of the next couple months you found yourself falling into bed with Nolan more than you’d care to admit. You also wouldn’t admit how much you enjoyed spending time with him. He was always so sweet to you, and you wanted more than the whole “friends with benefits” arrangement, but you knew you couldn’t have it, even if it was something Nolan wanted too. Which it wasn’t. The only part you really hated about this whole thing, was hiding it from Travis.

“Nolan needs a date to the Christmas charity dinner.” Travis announces as he falls down on the couch between you and Karly. He had just gotten back from practice, so when that was the first thing out of his mouth you and Karly both looked at him in confusion. “You should go with him Y/n, he says his new girlfriend is too shy to go. So you should go with him, because it wouldn’t be weird y’know?” He states matter-of-fact-ly.

“Babe, why would going with Y/n be any less weird than going with anyone else?” Karly speaks up before you can, because your mind is running a million miles a minute. Did Nolan have a girlfriend? He couldn’t. Right?

“Because, it’s not like there would be anything happening between them. It’d give his girlfriend peace of mind.” He shrugs getting up from the couch, and walking into the kitchen. Karly sends you a sad look, and you feel sick.

Travis really had no clue what was going on, and you should be trying to keep it that way. You couldn’t help the question falling past your lips though, as he came back in the living room with a glass of water. “So who is this girlfriend whose job I’m expected to take for the evening?” You groan internally at how jealous that sounded.

“Dunno,” Travis shrugs, “he gets pretty flustered any time someone asks about her. Doesn’t want us to know I guess. The only reason we even found out about her in the first place was because Patty kept showing up to the rink covered head to toe in hickies and scratch marks.”

“Sounds to me like this girl is just a hookup Trav.” Karly adds and smiles at you. She is obviously trying to make you feel better about the fact the guy you like is with another girl. She doesn’t know however how much that comment hurt. It’s you, you’re the hookup. Travis shrugs once again and takes a sip of water, turning to watch whatever bad reality show Karly had put on to watch. You tried to watch too, but the tears that stung at your eyes threatening to fall, forced you to get up quietly and slip out the front door.

Not sure what to do next, you pulled out your phone pressing Nolan’s contact. “Hey Y/n, what’s up?” He mumbled as he answered your call. “Hi- can I uh” you hesitate for a moment as the first tear slips down your face, “can I come over?”

“Uhhh I’m kind of busy at the moment.” Your stomach drops at his response, and the tears fall faster as you try and hold back a sob.

“What did you need?” He speaks again when you don’t respond.

“Oh- Travis said you needed a date to the charity dinner, a-and I was just thinking we could talk about it.” You say, voice breaking slightly. “It was stupid anyway, never mind.” You cover your mouth quickly to muffle the sob you’ve been suppressing. “Y/n, are you okay?” You can hear the concern in his voice, he knows you’re crying now. You can’t form any words, so you shake your head even though he can’t see you. You let yourself cry now, no longer fighting it as you slump against your steering wheel.

“Where are you? I’m coming to get you.” You can hear him pulling on his shoes and grabbing his keys. “I-I’m in my car.” You manage to get out in between sobs, desperately trying to stop crying. You want to object, and tell him you’re fine, but you can’t. You need to see him.

“You stay right there, you’re too upset to be driving. I’ll be there soon. Okay?” You hear him get into his car closing the door. You nod in response, and even though he can’t see you he seems to know. You expected him to hang up, but he doesn’t. Instead Nolan puts you on speaker phone, but he doesn’t say much. Instead you hear him muttering to himself about stupid drivers and occasionally telling you he’s almost there.

You must have spaced out, completely focused on the anxiety driven sobs wracking through your body, because you don’t notice when he hangs up. Moments later your car door is opened, and a hand is placed gently on your thigh. “Y/n.” His voice is so quiet you almost don’t hear it, “what’s wrong?” Embarrassment floods you immediately. You groan throwing your head back against the headrest, wiping at your face in frustration. You try once again to tell him you’re okay, but your voice is gone. You just shake your head and and try to stop the tears.

“Look at me please.” His voice is both firm and pleading. You drop your gaze to wear he is knelt down next to your car. His thumb is rubbing soothing circles on your thigh, and his eyes are full of confusion. The tears that had slowed mostly to a stop, sting your eyes again. You want to jump into his arms, and just stay there while he holds you. You know it’s not an option, so instead you let out a little whimper tears falling again. “I’m sorry.” Your voice is barely above a whisper and cracks as you say it, but you manage to muster out the apology.

“No. No, don’t be sorry. Hey it’s okay!” He wipes the tears from your cheek with his free hand, but they are immediately replaced with new ones. “I’m going to call TK, he will know what to do.”

“No!” You practically yell at him in protest. “P-please don’t.”

“Okay.” He looks at you, concern once again written all over his face. “What do you need?”

“You.” You regret the honest answer as soon as it slips past your lips, but decide to keep going anyway. “Fuck, Nolan I’m sorry I just- I’m really confused, and I just. Im sick of being Travis’ little sister. I’m sick of being baby Konecny and when I’m with you, I feel like I’m me. Like I’m just y/n. That’s all I want, but I feel guilty about it. And I know that the boys are giving you a hard time about “your girlfriend” so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m holding you back, and I’m sorry I’m jeopardizing your friendship with Travis. We can stop now.” Nolan says nothing. Instead, he reaches across your lap and unbuckled your seatbelt. He gently frees your arm from it and then pulls you into his chest, and rubs your back. You step out of the car and wrap your arms around his waist as tight as you can, your legs feeling like jelly beneath you. You both stay there for a moment, as you cry against his chest.

“You’re upset. Why don’t you come stay at my place for the weekend and have a little break from TK?” Nolan mumbles into your hair, placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You push back from him, and look into his eyes. You were going to yell at him, tell him this was only going to make things worse, but maybe he was right. Some time away from TK and Karly would be good. “What do I tell him?”

Nolan shrugs, “That you’re staying at a friend’s place?”

“Okay.” You sigh, and Nolan smiles at you. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it still makes you feel a bit better. Nolan let’s go of you and opens his passenger door motioning for you to get in. You do, and he closes it gently. He closes and locks your car as well before hopping in the driver’s seat.

You decide to text TK.

Y/N: I’m going to be staying at a friend’s place for the weekend. See you Monday?

TK: Sure! Everything okay?

Y/N: Yeah! Don’t have too much fun with the apartment all to yourself 😛

“It’s going to be alright you know? You’re not holding me back from anything.” Nolan speaks leaning over and giving your knee a reassuring squeeze. And maybe, it will be.

________________

You had spent the rest of the afternoon with Nolan between your legs. Nothing you hadn’t done before, but there was so much more emotion behind it, that it scared you.

As you laid in Nolan’s bed after your afternoon activities, his hand ran gently up and down your back. Tracing patterns across his chest, you let out a content sigh. You opened your mouth to tell Nolan how you felt, to ask him what this was to him, but before the words could even form on your tongue a knock on the front door caused both you and Nolan to jump up.

“Shit.” Nolan grumbled pulling a pair of shorts on, “I’ll be right back.” You frowned in response and got out of bed pulling on a pair of Nolan’s shorts and one of his hoodies. Little did you know, that just down the hall your worst nightmare was unfolding.

“Travis! What are you doing here?” Nolan said just loud enough for you to hear, and your body froze in fear.

“Hey Patty have you heard from Y/n at all? I’m a little worried about her. Wait a second is your girlfriend here!?” You could hear the excitement in Travis’s voice, when he realized he might finally get to meet the mystery lady.

“Um- yeah, now isn’t really the best time TK.” Nolan mumbled and you can practically hear his cheeks heating up, from your spot in the hallway just out of view. Your hands were shaking as you lean against the wall, trying to control your breathing.

“Oh shit! Did I interrupt something?! Dude you shoulda just told me! I’ll just call Y/n if you haven’t heard from her.” At that your heart stops. Where is your phone? You set it down when you got there.

“Okay, see you later TK!” Nolan basically shouts, trying to close the door you assume. Relief begins to wash over you, and you feel like you can breath again.

However, the relief leaves just as fast as it came, when you hear your phone ringing. Stomach dropping, as the memory of setting your phone on the table by the front door comes to mind.

“Nolan.. why the hell is Y/n’s phone in your apartment?” You can hear the anger in your brother’s voice. “Teeks I can explain” Nolan’s voice is weak, and your heart breaks a little despite its rapid beating in your chest.

“Great idea Patty! Please explain to me why you didn’t bother telling me my sister was your secret girlfriend!” He’s fuming and you don’t know if you should rush to Nolan’s aid or climb out the fire escape. “She’s not actually my girlfriend...”

Ouch.

“Okay so you’re telling me you’re just fucking my baby sister!? I’m going to fucking kill you”

“Travis stop!” You surprise yourself as your running to put yourself between the two best friends. “Please don’t.” You whimper the last part. Tears streaming down your cheeks, as you use your arms to push him back trying to keep the distance between him and Nolan.

“I told you she was off limits! I told the whole damn team that they weren’t allowed to mess with her. So what? You just thought you’d fuck your best friend’s sister like some cheap whore when you could have any girl in Philly!?” Your face twists at that. You know that Travis didn’t say it to hurt you, but you couldn’t help feeling sting of hurt mixed with jealousy you wish you didn’t feel.

“I-it’s not like that” Nolan mumbles out. Your heart crumbles at his limited response. “Travis, take me home.” You plead, trying not to let more tears fall.

“Y/n- don’t-“ Nolan reaches out for you, but Travis shoves him. Hard.

“Travis! Please!” With that, you lose it. Hands shaking, sobs escaping you relentlessly, and you can’t catch your breath. Both guys stop, eyes snapping to you. Travis wraps his arms around you, affectively keeping you upright.

You don’t hear anything else, or see anything else. Everything stops.

_____________

Your eyes flutter open, and you’re met with a white ceiling. Head aching nearly as much as your chest and you groan. “Y/n/n! You’re awake!” It’s Karly’s voice that startles you, “are you okay?”

You don’t know where you are, or what happened really, but you can only manage to ask two questions. “Where is Travis? Is Nolan okay?”

“Y/n-“ you can hear the pity in her voice. “Oh god!” You start crying again, “this is all my fault!”

Karly speaks softly to you, telling you everything is fine. Telling you Travis is coming, and that Nolan will be fine. You hardly listen. You just allow yourself to cry until you fall asleep.

___________

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. You knew it was wrong, and I told you it would be fine. I’m such an idiot.” You listened to his voice as he mumbled, hand gripping yours as tight as he could without hurting you. Keeping your eyes closed, you fight back the tears. It hurt so bad, everything hurt. You couldn’t face him, you were embarrassed, and heartbroken. “Nolan, I think you should go.” Travis’ voice makes you wince inwardly.

“Teeks, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt her, or you. Tell me she’s gonna be okay.” Nolan’s voice breaks and he lets go of your hand.

“The doctor said she is okay, she needs some rest. She is just stressed Nolan.” Travis sounds just as defeated as Nolan’s, “I’ll text you if anything changes I promise.” You could hear Nolan get up and leave, and honestly, your heart went with him. When the realization hit you, you’re shooting up in the bed eyes wide gasping for breath.

“Y/n/n-“ Travis starts, as he rushes to your side.

“I- I’m sorry Travis. I’m so sorry! God I’m so so stupid.” You start rambling, chest heaving, breathing shallow.

“Slow down! Just relax please, you’re okay. It’s okay.” Travis is squeezing your hand now, concern for you evident in his features.

“I ruined everything. He’s your best friend, and I ruined it...”

“Nolan and I will be fine. This is between him and I, not you. Don’t blame yourself ple-“

“I love him!” Your sudden outburst shocks you just as much as it shocks Travis. The silence that follows is deafening. You try to think of something to say, anything to make this less awkward. Before you or Travis can speak though, someone at the door clears their throat. Your eyes snap to the source, and your stomach drops to the floor.

“I- uh I left my keys” Nolan mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck. His cheeks are red, and his left eye is purple and swollen. Travis sighs and mumbles something about giving you a minute, before he gets up and leaves the room. Not without bumping a little to hard into Nolan’s shoulder. More awkward silence follows, and this time you manage to find words first. “Jesus Nols your eye, are you okay?”

“It’s nothing.” He mumbles.

“It’s not though! I’m sorry, about all of it. I shouldn’t have gone home with you, I shouldn’t have called you, I shouldn’t have kept it from TK, and I shouldn’t have said that I lo-“ you stop unable to say it again, “Well you heard. You didn’t need this drama.”

“So you regret it?” His entire body tenses.

“You don’t?” You laugh out humourlessly

“Lying to my best friend? Yes. Taking you home? Being the person you call when you’re upset? Falling in love with you? I’ll never regret any of that. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’ll leave you alone now.” He says the last line with so much hurt it kills you. He snatches his keys off the table by your bed and turns to leave, but you grab his wrist. “You don’t mean that. You don’t get to say that and leave me.”

“What do you want me to do?” He raises his voice. You’ve never seen him like this. “I can’t stay. You wanted to leave my place last night. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I didn’t want to leave Nolan I wanted you to fight for me, for us! I wanted to hear you tell my brother that you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I know you don’t though, and that’s alright. But you do not get to say you fell in love with me, and walk out of here like nothing happened. You don’t get to fuck with me like that!” Tears fall slowly down your face, and you let them. Sure you probably looked like a hot mess, but you didn’t care anymore.

“I thought this was just sex for you. I didn’t think you wanted anything more than a distraction from your brother’s life. I tried to get you to stay with me that first morning. I tried to show you how much I wanted you in my life yesterday. Y/n I drove like a bat out of hell from the rink to pick you up because you were hurting. I was at the rink talking to Giroux, trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to ask Travis for his permission to date you. Actually date you. I’m in love with your stubbornness. I’m in love with your aversion to being called baby Konecny. I’m in love with how you look in my jersey even though you refuse to wear it because ‘why wear mine when you could wear one with your last name’. I’m in love with your laugh and your smile. I’m head over heels for you baby, and I can’t stay here. I can’t stand seeing you in that bed knowing it’s my fault you’re even there, knowing that when you leave you’re going home with Travis and not with me. I can’t stand around and watch you hurting, only to make it last longer. I’m sorry.” His whole body seems to deflate as he adjusts the keys in his hand.

“Nolan I didnt know.”

“Yeah well...” he mumbles, and refuses to look at you. With that you let go of his hand and he’s gone.

________________

“Well Miss Konecny you should be good to go. Just take it easy for the next couple weeks alright?” You were hardly listening to the doctor, but really he was more talking to Travis than you. After signing discharge papers, Travis helped you out to his car. He stops opens your door for you, and you mumble a thank you. You’re so caught up in your own thoughts, you don’t

“Trav?” You say, after awhile of driving. “Yeah?” He asks, taking another turn you’re sure is just taking you away from your shared apartment. “Where are we going?”

Pulling over and parking the car, Travis looks over at you guilt written all over his face. You look out the window, taking in your surroundings for a moment before it clicks. You’re in front of Nolan’s building. “Travis please no...”

“Y/n/n listen. I’ve never in my life heard Nolan talk about anything too real. When he left the hospital, he stopped me in the hallway. He apologized for hurting me, and you. But you know what else he told me? He told me he wouldn’t take it back. He said that if his options were to have you for those few months again or to take it all back and have it never happen he’d hurt me again. He told me he loved you, and that he still does. He said he’s not sorry for loving you, but he’s sorry he didn’t do it right. Then I called Claude. He told me about Nolan just about in tears trying to figure out how to make it work without hurting his friendship with me, but mostly about preserving our relationship. He was worried about what would happen between me and you. He is so into you, and obviously you are into him. So into him, and so worried about it you landed yourself in the hospital. I was the issue here, so now I’m going to fix it.” He pats your knee soothingly. “Please let me.” You can only nod, and pull yourself out of Travis’ car. He drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you into his side.

“You hit him didn’t you?” You ask quietly in the elevator ride up to Nolan’s floor. “I did. I thought he was using you. I was so upset. He didn’t fight back, he wouldn’t even defend himself. I’m such an asshat.” He admits

You nod in response, and hug him as tight as you can. “That’s my big brother, the asshat. Thank you for always looking out for me, but you really shouldn’t have hit him.” He whispers an apology into your hair as the elevator doors open. “Now let’s go get your man! Ew no, I’m not calling him that ever again.”

You laugh at that. Travis smiles at you as he knocks on Nolan’s door. You wait patiently, but nothing happens. The door never opens. Travis knocks again. Nothing. Your heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. Travis continues knocking. He even tries calling Nolan. Nothing.

You reach out and grab his wrist to stop his assault on Nolan’s door. “Trav. It’s over, it’s okay. He doesn’t want this.” Before he can say anything, his phone rings. Both of your eyes snapping to it hopefully. You deflate as you see Karlys name flashing across his screen. You sigh and slide down the wall beside Nolan’s door, as Travis answers.

“Hey babe. Well I decided to take Y/n to Nolan’s apartment to try and fix this, but he is refusing to answer his door or his phone.” You groan a little dropping your face into your hands. You feel pathetic. “Are you kidding me right now!” Travis’ last line comes out much louder than the others, and you jump a little. Looking up at him you see an expression you can’t quite read. “Stay there! We are on our way!”

You’re pretty sure he doesn’t even wait for Karlys response before hanging up. “Trav? What’s wrong? Is Karly okay?”

“Karly is fine, but we have to go.” With that he’s grabbing your hands and pulling you off the floor and out of the building. Foregoing the elevator, and instead rushing down the stairs like a mad man.

“Travis what is going on!” You’re frustrated and he’s not responding to any of your questions, as he jumps into his car. You follow suit, grumbling under your breath. The drive isn’t that long, and you spend most of it wondering why Nolan wouldn’t answer the door. How were you supposed to go on seeing him all the time again? He wants nothing to do with you right?

Your mind is still spinning when Travis pulls into his parking spot. Karly is already waiting outside.

“Listen Y/n/n, you’re going to be okay. If things with Nolan were meant to be they will be. Karly and I have to go, but we will be back later okay? Call me if you need anything.” Travis’ voice is soft, but hurried as he leans over and opens your door for you. The confusion is clear on your face as you get out of the passenger seat. Karly sends you a quick apology before sliding into your spot.

And then they were gone. Before you could even ask where they were going, they were gone. You’d never felt more alone in your entire life. The one person you wanted to see wants nothing to do with you, and your support system just up and left you.

As you make your way slowly up the stairs to the apartment, tears fall for what feels like the millionth time in the last 48 hours. Your heart was so unbelievably broken, and you couldn’t even starts to think about how to put it back together. As you finally made it to the door, you unlock it and let yourself in. As you close it, you fall back against it small sobs escaping you into the quiet apartment.

“Y/n?” Your eyes snap up, heart beating a million miles an hour.

“Nolan? What are you doing here?” There he was standing in front of you, dressed up and holding a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

“Well- I uh came to apologize. I’ve been here since Travis text me to say you were leaving the hospital. What took you guys so long?” He chuckles nervously, but makes no effort to move closer.

“We went to your apartment. Nolan I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. God I was so stupid, I don’t know how to make this better.” You’re shaking now, overwhelmed by emotion.

Nolan sees you struggling, and quickly closes the distance between you both. Dropping the flowers along the way his hands find your hips to hold you up. “The past is in the past babe. We can’t change it.” You deflate at his words, fresh tears springing to your eyes.

“But,” he adds, placing a finger under your chin lifting it up so you’re looking at him. “We can start again, and do it the right way. I don’t wanna hide you.” His eyes slip from yours to your lips. Your heart skips a beat, as he leans into you pressing his lips to yours in a kiss like none you’ve shared before. This kiss is not driven by lust, it’s all love. It’s slow and steady, as he pulls you closer to him. You stay like that awhile, both to afraid to stop. Nolan pulls away first though, so you can both catch your breath.

You smile up at him, reaching up to gently touch the stitches above his left eye. You frown a little, as he flinches but doesn’t stop you. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Nolan mumbles, cheeks heating slightly.

“Really? Because I was just about to say it looks kinda hot.” You smirk up at him.

His fingers flex on your hips, eyes going a little darker. “You’re gonna be the death of me Konecny.” His voice is deep and it sets your whole body on fire.

“Stop talking and kiss me already Nols” With that Nolan’s lips are on yours, and his hands are on your thighs lifting you off the ground with ease. You wrap your legs around his waist as you pins you to the wall. A moan escapes your lips as your hands find his hair, tugging it lightly. The kiss grows needier by the second, and you’re getting impatient. As you push your hips into his to get some friction, Nolan pulls away.

“We should slow down.” Nolan sighs, as he sets you back down. “Why?” You pout, gripping his shirt and trying to pull him back into you.

“Because, I want to do this the right way. Let me take you out first before I fuck you in your brothers apartment” he chuckles.

“We’ve had sex before Nolan. Besides,” you say, running your hands up his torso to the back of his neck. Tugging on the hair a little before you continue. “Wouldn’t fucking his baby sister all over his apartment be a great way to get pay back after he punched you in the face.”

“Y/n. I’d rather not have my best friend kill me before I even get a chance to show you off. He could walk through that door at any second.” Nolan groans glancing over your shoulder to the door.

“You’re right he could.” You smirk as you start kissing his neck.

“Babe-“ he warns, but it lacks sincerity and you take that as a win. “Can it Patrick. Let me have my fun!” You wink, sliding down to your knees.

And just like that, he was at your mercy. He was a total mess above you, hands gripping your hair tightly as you took him in your mouth.

The fact Karly and Travis could walk through the door at any moment to see the two of you. Nolan with his head thrown back, pants at his ankles, and you, hands gripping his thighs tightly and tears forming in your eyes. It had your senses heightened. On edge already, your pussy clenching on nothing.

When Nolan came, his name left your lips followed by many profanities as you swallowed his cum. You smirk up at him, and trace your finger over his tattoo lazily. “Worth it?”

“Fuck, so worth it princess.” He groans pulling you to your feet attaching his lips to your neck.

Nolan pulls away after a moment and you whimper slightly at the loss. He chuckles as he pulls his pants up and you groan in response. “Sorry baby, but standing just inside the door with my pants around my ankles is not a good look.”

“I liked it” you pout, “your legs are nice.”

“Oh yeah?” He quirks an eyebrow at you, a smug grin growing on his face. You nod, cheeks heating up slightly. “Especially your thighs.” You wink.

Nolan throws his head back and laughs pulling you into his chest. “You’re amazing you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” You wink up at him. His grip tightens on your waist, and his smile grows impossibly wider. Your heartbeat quickens as tears spring to your eyes, and you do everything in your power to hold them back as you press your forehead against Nolan’s chest.

Everything feels so perfect in that moment. You’re not Travis’ sister. Not baby Konecny. Nolan isn’t Travis’ best friend. Not the Nolan Patrick. He is yours, and you’re his. The only think that matters now is how at home you feel standing awkwardly in the hallway embracing each other, with no intentions of letting go.

[datleggy]

I need both of your “surprise Buck was/is pregnant with Eddie’s baby and they find out because Chris finds him” anons to finish their drabbles. I need the Buddie confrontation scene with all the angst and betrayal from both sides. (Meanwhile Chris happily keeps his baby brother occupied and whispers about how he’s gonna parent trap their dads.) Please and thank you.

he anon sent more and here it is! it's wonderful, pls read!! <3

ANON: As the anon who your last ask was talking about might I just say I am sobbiiiinnnnnggggggg 😭😭😭 that was so good omg but ALSO now I have an addition to my earlier blurb 👀👀👀

Eddie is frantic, from the moment Buck called to now. Let's rewind a bit though, for context.

After running into Buck in Austin, they did meet up, without Chris, to talk. Buck had Eddie meet him at his new fire house, which. Hurt? It hurt, in a weird way that Eddie couldn't quite place at first, but he realizes now what he was feeling; jealousy that Buck has moved on and seems so comfortable here, longing for Buck to return to them, to the 118 (if he's being honest though, it's him he wants Buck to return to more than anything, but that's hardly fair after everything), regret that he treated Buck so poorly that the other man not only felt he couldn't tell him about the baby, but that he felt he had to move states.

Eddie met him there regardless, though, because ultimately it was Buck's choice. Eddie was grateful Buck chose to talk to him at all, so he wasn't going to argue over the chosen venue.

They met up, and they talked, and Buck confirmed that the baby he was carrying was Eddie's. He was in shock at the confession, upset for the first few moments, even. And it showed on his face, because the next thing Eddie knew, Buck was backing away from him, arms crossed over his stomach and tears running down his face, begging Eddie not to try and take his baby from him.

"I know I shouldn't have ke-kept this from y-you, but Eddie pl-please! He's all I h-ha-have left, I won't make it if you t-take h-him!" Eddie was shocked, and horrified at Buck's words. It took him a few minutes to calm him down, and weeks of slowly increased communication between the two of them (and Christopher, of course) before Eddie was able to convince Buck that he wasn't planning on trying to gain custody of the baby. He had explained that, yes, he wanted to be in their son's life, wanted Chris to be in his brother's life, but he wouldn't do anything to hurt Buck anymore then he already has.

It took almost the remainder of the pregnancy, but they were finally close to where they had been before everything went to shit. Not that they were lovers again, Eddie doesn't think either of them are ready for that, and Buck agrees, but they were on the fast track to becoming best friends again.

So of course he's the first person Buck calls when he goes into labor.

"I'm sorry, you're what?"

"In labor," Buck says sheepishly over the phone. "Or at least, I think I am? I mean, I'm three days overdue so I doubt these are practice contractions, but I guess there's always the possibility, and oh my god if I called you at 3 in the morning because of practice contractions, Eddie, I am so sorry oh god--" he can hear Buck working himself into a panic attack, so he cuts in.

"Hey hey, none of that. Even if these are Braxton Hicks or whatever they're called, I'm glad you called me. We agreed we would be in this together, right?" There's a pause on the other line before Buck speaks.

"Yeah. Together."

Eddie smiles at the soft tone of Buck's voice, and he can picture him perfectly in his mind's eye as though he were there in front of Eddie. Sitting at the end of his bed, both hands framing his belly (which has gotten big since the first time they ran into each other three months ago, the doctors estimating that the baby is somewhere between 8 and 9 pounds, which Buck was Not Pleased to hear, and blames Eddie for, especially when he found out that Chris was nearly 8 pounds when he had been born), and tears in his eyes despite the smile on his face at the prospect of meeting their baby soon.

Eddie takes a deep breath to steady his own racing heart and asks "So, what do you want to do?"

"Huh?"

Eddie can't help the breathless laugh that leaves him, every passing moment feeling more and more surreal as he realizes that /this is happening/. He's going to be a father for a second time, he and Buck are having a baby together and they're going to meet him soon.

"Do you want me with you, Buck? Because I can leave now, fly down there and be with you when he's born. Or we can stay on the phone, or you can FaceTime me. Whatever you wanna do, babe." The endearment leaves his mouth before he can stop it, but he doesn't try to back track.

"I--" Buck cuts himself off with a cry, more surprised then in pain, but Eddie still hates the sound. He starts to wonder, if Buck wants him there, will Eddie even be able to face seeing him in that amount of pain? He'll do it, of course he will, he would do anything for Buck and their boys, but god it might just break him. This isn't about Eddie, though.

"Breathe, baby. Deep breaths, just like in those classes TK took you to." Everytime he and Buck talk, the other man has stories either related to the baby, or related to his new family. Sometimes even both, like when he told Eddie about the Lamaze classes Buck's friend TK took him to, highly recommended from when TK went himself with his boyfriend Carlos leading up to their son being born. Eddie couldn't help but feel that ugly, burning jealousy, but he tried to sound as happy as possible over the phone. Buck wouldn't appreciate the jealousy, since Eddie lost out on what they could have been thanks to his own anger and mistreatment of Buck.

A few moments pass before Buck comes back on. "That hurt," he says with a small, pained laugh. Eddie can't tell if he wants to cry, punch something, or both, but he tamps those feelings down.

"I know, I know. But you've got this, Buck. You're gonna kick labor's ass, right?"

"Right," Buck responds weakly.

"Damn right, right. You're so strong, Buck. There isn't anything you can't do, and nothing you won't do for your kids. You've got this." He hears Buck take a deep breath, steeling himself.

"Yeah... yeah! I've got this. I've got this!" That golden retriever enthusiasm is back in full force, and Eddie grins.

Buck announces that he's going to start packing some stuff and getting his things together, so Eddie will be in speaker phone. For the next few minutes, Eddie listens to Buck ramble off random facts about babies and labor between verbalizing his hospital bag checklist. He hums in the appropriate places to show he's listening, asks clarifying questions so Buck knows Eddie isn't bored or just humoring him. Before too long, Eddie can tell that Buck has picked the phone back up, removing it from speaker phone.

"Hey, Eds?" His voice is quieter, more subdued then it has been for most of their time in the phone.

"Yeah, Buck?" His own voice is soft, curious but undemanding.

"I-- you said, earlier, that you would-would come down, if that's what I wanted? Like, to be here when the baby is born." Eddie feels his heart start to race in his chest, not sure if he's eager to hear Buck's decision or dreading it.

"I did," he confirms anyway, wanting Buck's comfort more than anything else.

"... Is that offer still on the table? You coming down here, I mean." Eddie can feel his breath catch in his chest, and he realizes that, yeah, he was eager to know what Buck wanted him to do. He feels like jumping into the air and cheering, knowing Buck wants him by his side as he delivers their baby boy into the world.

"I can leave in ten minutes, and be with you in four, five hours at the most." His response is almost immediate, and Buck laughs on the other end of the line. "Is that what you want, Buck? Me to be there, with you?" Eddie hears a sniffle and he knows Buck is in the verge of crying.

"I-- is that alright? I don't-- I can't do this alone, Eddie. I know I have everyone from the 126 here, and all of them would sit with me through this in a heartbeat, but... I need it to be you that's here with me. I want you to be here when our son is born, want you to cut the cord, be one of the first to hold him, all of it. I... I need /you/." And how could Eddie ever say no to that?

"Give me a few minutes to pack a bag and make some calls, okay? I'll call you right back, and before you know it, I'll be right beside you, holding your hand and letting you break as many fingers as you want." Buck gives a wet chuckle and agrees, but both men have a hard time saying goodbye, even if it will only be for a few minutes.

"I'll see you soon, Buck, okay? I swear."

"Yeah, I know you will, I know. I'm just nervous, is all. Having you here, even just over the phone, it helps. So much, Eddie." He knows what he means. Hearing Buck's cheerful voice after a long day never fails to make Eddie feel better, make him feel that no matter what, everything will be alright. He can only imagine how much better things will feel for the both of them once they can actually see each other, touch each other.

"I know exactly what you mean. I'll be there soon, okay? I'll call you back in a second and you can tell me more statistics about babies born in cars, or whatever." Buck snorts a laugh and Eddie smiles at the sound.

"I swear to God if you jinx this and I end up giving birth on the highway, I will kill you." They laugh together, but Eddie knows now that he has to get things in order if he wants to be with Buck ASAP. Neither man wants to say goodbye.

"I'll be with you soon, Evan."

"Yeah, okay. Eddie, I-I..." Eddie waits patiently for whatever Buck was going to say. His heart hammers in his chest.

"... Be safe, Eddie." He can't help the bitter feeling of disappointment that floods through him, but he returns the sentiment, regardless.

They hang up, and for a moment, Eddie simply sits on his bed, head in his hands. All he wanted to do as they said their goodbyes was to tell Buck that he loved him. He doesn't feel like he's earned the right to say that to him yet, though. He has to earn it.

With that in mind, he starts packing a bag, calling Hen to see if she and Karen would be able to babysit Chris while Eddie is in Texas.

Dhdhjajsiejsj so sorry about that again, hope you enjoy (and thanks again to that person who sent that other ask, bc that was an amazing blurb they sent 😌) 😭😭😭

[akookminsupporter]

Honestly, I have never had a great experience with TKers. Of course, there is good, rational TKers out there but they either don't speak up or they are drowned out by the louder and "delulu" (I cannot think of a better word to use rn. I know almost all shippers are labeled this by certain non shippers. If possible give me a better descriptive word please!) ones. It just bothers me that I never see these rational ones speak up and correct their fellow shippers (I know it can be hard, but just say something, anything! If a socially awkward and anxious person can speak up when needed, maybe you can too lol. Damn, I hate interacting with others but I manage to do it.). I even encountered a supposed "multi shipper" who loves ALL bonds between the boys but cannot take it when BH "shoves" (heavy heavy quotation marks there) KM in our faces. BH has never shoved any ships in our faces. BH may try to do activities to help the image of OT7 and put together certain members to boost that image. Imo, I think BH takes what it gets when the boys are together. If KM are together a lot of the time in everything, then that's what they post. It's the same for all the others too. BH is not some big scary monster that forces these grown ass men into doing something. Look at JK, Jin, and Tae and tell me that these three don't give a dookie about what staff or management tell them. Ex: Tae playing bits of his soundtrack even when told not to by staff. He even giggles cutely at them! Ex: Jin drinking on Vlive and basically saying he doesn't care about what BH tell him to do (we have the JinHit meme for a reason lol). Ex: JK dying his hair during that one season of Bon Voyage, I think. The boys aren't allowed to dye or do anything with their hair without BH's permission I have heard. See how well that worked out tho? I could go on, but I'm sure peeps get the point. Also, something that has ALWAYS confused me is that TKers actually believe that BH is hiding TK. I'm sorry but have you seen Tae and JK? If, and a big fat IF, these boys were dating BH cannot meddle in their private affairs. They may tell them to tone things down and cut certain moments but they wouldn't full on hide a relationship/chemistry they can get big benefits from. And, tbh, these two are huge romantics, imo. Especially JK! We would see a lot more big moments like we see in KM, yet I never see that in TK. TKers can't enjoy what they get without taking every ship, specifically KM most of the time, down with them. I mean look at all the insecure jokers coming in and saying that the Butter era is TK central and that TK is gonna be the main focus of Memories. Excuse me, but we have had the bare minimum of content from BTS since the release of Butter. It has mainly been promotional stuff. How is any of that point to it being TK content mainly? Dear lord I need an ibuprofen and some sleep. Rant over and I am sorry I bombarded you with this! I love your blog and I felt safe enough to come rant over here by anonymous ask. Thank you so much for providing a safe space. Keep up the amazing work! 💜😊

Thanks for you rant, anon.

the no shippers are not going to change, they are the locals, those who always insult BTS, belittle their work etc., within the fandom but they do it with shippers.

I already talked about multi shippers so I don't think it's necessary to say more.

The difference between jikookers and tkkrs is that the former DO watch original content. That should be enough.

Honestly people, jikookers, should learn not to pay attention to anything the tkkrs say. What they say won't change anything. If you are sure of what you believe, why pay attention to external noise? Because they are just that, noise, annoying, but noise nonetheless.

[thewanderingace]

9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star liveblog thoughts:

Oh my god wait did chim, hen, buck and eddie all all quarantine together at Bucks!!?!??! I'm gonna need to know more about that please!! Imagine the chaos that would cause though 🤣

Aww Albert and Maddie quarantined together and you can tell Albert is taking good care of his brothers pregnant girlfriend and its freaking adorable. I love Albert (and John Harlan Kim tbh) and need more Albert.

That was a cute morning zoom call though!

Okay Chim and Maddie talking about Buck's covid crush. The woman has got to be his therapist or someone. I'm calling it now. That was so not Buck trying to hide a relationship. That's Buck hiding a therapy call.

Aw Michael and his hot doctor are quarantining together. Wait did Harry and May quarantine with him too? Or did they stay with Athena? Idk.

Love that May is working as a dispatcher during her gap year/can't go to college cause covid. She's got this. You go girl.

CJ is amazing and I'd die for him

Buck is looking so damm good leaning up against the truck like that. And while harnessing down a building and standing harnessed up on a bus. He just looks hot. All the time.

And can we talk about bow Buck is still excessive researching natural disasters?

Okay this bus rescue is killing me!!! Theure are so fucking cool and good at their jobs!! Ahh!!!

Niki deloach is killing it during this heartbreaking montage. Fuck. I'm crying.

Maddie always gets such heartbreaking calls.

FUCK! Of course they ended on a cliffhanger! They love doing that! Oh man.

And Athena!!! She just wanted a quiet slow first day back and now shes trapped in a fuckong mid slide!! Damn!!

That was a good episode but damn I want more!!!!!

The fucking tank!!!!! What the fuck!!!! He's stealing a tank and just crashing through everything!! Why!!!

Fuck. Rob Lowe is looking FINE in that uniform. Damn everyone looking fine.

Holy shit the tank nearly ran them all over and then stopping at the last fucking second nearly hitting Owen with the gun! I love it. Its dramatic and crazy and I love it lol.

Yaaaa Gine Torres in the house!! I'm very excited.

Aww her husband is adorable. I see that he is chef and they're had a restaurant that failed cause covid and omg her girls and husband are adorable!

Okay so Michelle left to help mentally ill homeless people. Okay that's cool I can dig that.

Ahh Tommy knows Judd and introduced him and Grace!

Judd having a hard time not hugging people! Adorable. God I love Judd so much.

Roller derby. Cool. Ahhhh!!! No!!! Not cool!! Oh god the shard and Ahh oh man look at her arm!!!

Omg them all hanging out at Carlos' aka "my boyfriend's" I LOVE IT

Frustrated son tk is hilarious. Seeing his parents fight and hes just 100% done. Lol.

WHERE IS THE TARLOS KISS FROM THE PROMO!?!??!?!

Oookay this crazy person is shooting the cell tower and hit the guy with a crossbow bolt and almost hit Owen and tommy!? The fuck!?

Haha! The team going "we got this!" And blasting her ass with the hose. Judd having to be dad when dad Owen is busy.

Workplace flirting lol!! "You get shot again you're in the doghouse"

Tommy is awesome. Way better than Michelle honestly. Love Judd praising her and the applause she got. And that Nancy and Tim have gotten more lines in this episode. They feel more connected to the 126.

Yay his cancer is in remission!!!!!! 😃😃

That zoom rescue was pretty funny 😂

The stuff with Owen and his ex wife is predictable and boring. Not too happy about this honestly. I like that shes here because of tk getting shot and owen's cancer but yeah she can go back to new york.

Tk just saying "yeah I know you're banging. Everyone knows" and then leaves 🤣🤣

Oohh poor girl bought a food truck in Feb 2020. And is now about to be eaten by lava. That sucks.

Loved this episode!! I missed this crew. Mad about the missing tarlos stuff though

Sidenote:

AAAHHHHH THAT CROSSOVER SNEAK PEEK IN THE LS PROMO HAS ME SCREAMING I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!

[aewriting]

Angsty Alien Brothers One-Shot

This was inspired by some of @ninswhimsy ‘s recent posts about soulmates - the good AND bad implications of that concept. 

If you prefer, here it is on AO3.

Warnings: angst, mentions of police.

***

It was meant to be fun.

Max had been miserable for months, doing the bare minimum at the Pony, sleeping too late, moping. Isobel had been the one to suggest Planet 7.

“No,” Michael had said quickly. He’d been doing well, avoiding Alex.  Avoiding Alex with Forrest, specifically.  No, no malice, no ill intent, nothing like that.  He just… just didn’t want to see it.  He keeps hoping it will run its course… but they seem to still be going strong. He sees them sometimes – it’s a small town, and his attention’s drawn to Alex in a way he can’t explain.  Magnetic.  Cosmic. All of that.

He sees them in the grocery store, late one night.  Sees them in the window booth at the Crashdown. Having breakfast. On a weekend. He tries not to imagine what they were doing before breakfast.  Sees them crossing the street, casually holding hands in the crosswalk.  And once, a few weeks back, there they were, leaving Planet 7.  Making out.  

So no, he doesn’t want to go to Planet 7.

“Let’s take a drive.  Up to Albuquerque.  One of the bars up there.  See some new sights, meet some new people.”

Isobel raises an eyebrow. “That could be fun.”  Her gaze slides to Max. “You in?”

Max just shrugs. “Whatever.”

***

Max is drinking too much tonight. This is a good bar – Michael’s actually been in here before.  Twice. Both times over the last few months, since Alex and Forrest… yeah.  He’s left with guys, both times.  He’s… he’s trying to figure some stuff out, with himself.  What he likes.  What he wants, outside of Alex.  Um, and hopefully, eventually, with Alex. It’s been… fine. Fun.  Light.  Uncomplicated.  Pretty much everything the rest of his life isn’t right now.

No one’s approaching them. He sees some flares of interest – directed at him and Max, but it’s usually short-lived, halted when the other person seems to notice Max’s whole… everything.

Isobel, though… Michael smiles a little at the sight of her, blissed out, leaning up against a strong-looking brunette.  She’s gonna get some tonight, Michael can tell.  Good for her.

Max, though…

He’s trying to get up, suddenly, head to the bar.

“Hey,” Michael says sharply, snaking out an arm and snagging Max around the elbow.  “Think… think you’ve had enough.”

Max scoffs a little.  “That’s my line.”

It actually relaxes something in Michael.  “Yeah, yeah it is.  Not tonight though.”

“Not lately,” Max adds.  

“No,” Michael agrees. He doesn’t go to the Pony very much these days. Just, just hurts still.  He tried, with Maria.  He really did.  Hurts that it wasn’t enough. “If you weren’t so drunk right now,” he says, trying to change the subject, “I’d be trying to get you laid.”

Max snorts a bit, sits back down in his chair with too much force. It creaks, makes a too-loud noise. Michael’s ready with the TK, if needed.

The chair holds, and Michael slumps back in his own seat, sips his beer.  Stops when he sees Max just… just staring at him.

“What?”

Max’s eyes are wide as he leans in.  “Has it ever worked, for you?”

Michael frowns.  “Has, has what worked?”

Max laughs a little. “This,” he says, gesturing vaguely around the bar.  “Drinking, fucking around?”

“You’re drunk, Max,” Michael says, voice a little hard.  

Max’s eyes go even wider. “I’m, I’m serious, Michael. I’m not trying to, like, call you out.”

“Aren’t you?” Michael asks. “Seem to remember plenty of call outs from you, through the years.  Usually with a badge and a gun, too.”

“Fuck,” Max mutters, running a hand through his hand.  “I… that was shitty of me.  I was worried, Michael.”

Fuck.  He knows they shouldn’t get into this now, here.  It’s public, Max is wasted, but… Michael blows out a breath.  “So you fucking talk to me.  You don’t… don’t just keep hauling my ass back to the drunk tank in cuffs.”

Max’s jaw tightens.  “That’s fair.  There were times I was hoping that if there were some actual, I dunno, teeth involved?  Consequences? That maybe you’d finally stop.  But there were other times that,” he shakes his head. “Dammit, Michael. You were good at pissing people off, you know? And, and I know what you can do.  Of course I fucking do.  There were times that you, you scared me, Michael.  You didn’t fight back.  It’s like you, you wanted to just, just take a beating, get your ass handed to you.” He sighs.  “Especially when Alex was overseas.”

Michael freezes.

Max shrugs.  “Am I wrong?”

Michael looks down quickly, sips his beer.  

“I’m not wrong,” Max asserts. “Which is how I know you know. What it’s like.  When they leave.”

Michael can’t deal with this. Shakes his head and tries to will Max to shut up.

Doesn’t work.

Max is looking at Isobel and the woman she’s with.  “I don’t think it’s happened yet, with Iz.  She’d know. She’d feel it the way we do.” Michael still hasn’t said anything, and Max finally seems to notice. “You had to have known this, right?” Max’s hands are out in front of him, upturned.  “Me and Liz, you and Alex.  And god, you two, like…” Max brings his hands together in a vague sort of way.  Michael can’t believe he’s seeing this.  “Back in high school, right?  God… I don’t know how you did it.  Being with Liz, actually having been with her, feeling her – “

“Max,” Michael says sharply, really not wanting to hear the intimate details.

“It’s so much worse now. Like, I always knew it was hopeless, but it’s worse now.” Max is just staring at Michael, half incredulous. “Michael… you do feel it, right? With Alex?”

“Don’t go there, Max,” Michael warns.  

“The connection?  The, the,” he pauses, “certainty that you’re meant to be together? That it’s bigger than just the two of you?” Max looks at Michael, searching for something, then pulls back. Looks worried.  “Michael,” he says, edge of fear toward his voice. “Please tell me you’ve felt that, too. I… all these years, I’ve just assumed it’s an, an us thing.” He pauses.  “Is, is it not? Like, it’s not just me, is it?”

Michael bites his lip, grips his glass tighter.  “It’s not just you,” he says, finally.  It’s one thing to think it.  Think it for years, late at night on his own, in stolen moments with Alex, while… while he’s in someone else’s bed. It’s another thing to discuss it, out in the open, with someone else that might actually verify the reality of it.

Some of the tension leaves Max as he blows out a breath.  “Thank you,” he whispers.  “Seriously, thank you.  I know we don’t… don’t talk about this.  All those years, should’ve known you were hurting like I was.  But you never wanted to talk about it, never wanted us to know. And after everything that happened…” Max hangs his head.  “I tried, you know?  With Jenna. Like, I wanted to feel things for her. I think you tried too, with – “

“Max,” Michael says, a warning.

Max gives him a look, shakes his head a bit. “I know you tried with her.  And remember,” he says, voice softer now, “I saw the two of you together. In Texas.” He raises an eyebrow.  “I know you two could have had something. If it wasn’t for Al – “

“Max!” Michael interrupts, raising his voice.  Cutting him off before he can finish, before he can make Michael acknowledge the fear… the fear and the hope he’s had all these years.

Max’s eyebrows are raised. “Really?  We’re really not gonna talk about him?”

“Do you want to sit around and talk about Liz?” Michael asks.

Max sniffs a bit. Looks around. “Fine,” he says, voice tight. “Fine,” he repeats. Swigs his whiskey. Winces.  “What do you want me to do, Michael?  Get laid?” he asks, throwing Michael’s earlier words back at him.  “Go have… have that guy blow me in the bathroom?”

Michael’s eyes widen and he whips around to see a younger guy eyeing Max.  Dark hair, slight build. “Whoa, Max, for real?”

Max shrugs.  “That surprise you?”

Michael laughs a little. “Well, yeah.  Guess it does.”

Max’s mouth twists a little. “Don’t know how to explain it.” He looks at Michael, then, a little sharper, a littler more with it.  “But… but I’m thinking maybe I don’t have to explain it to you.  How it’s… how it’s Liz, and everyone else.” He grimaces a little. “Well, not everyone else, obviously, but also, like, more people than you’d think.  If you catch my drift.”

Michael nods slowly.  “I do.  Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“All this time?”

Max sighs.  “Hard to say.  You know Roswell.” He shakes his head a little.  “Wasn’t about to try something there.  If I didn’t have to.”

“But you would?  Try something?” Max is quiet.  “Like, with, with a guy?”

Max shrugs again. “I mean, yeah, I guess?  But… but what’s the point?”  

Michael just stares at him.

“I’m serious, Michael, what’s the point?  Like, I’m asking you.  Has it ever helped, really?”

Michael worries his lip a little. Speaks carefully.  “I, I don’t think it’s, like, a bad thing.  To have fun, figure yourself out.”

“That what you were doing, all those years?” Michael tries to duck Max’s eyes.  Can’t. “Cause that, that didn’t look fun, Michael. That looked like you were hurting and trying to figure out the best way to forget.”

Michael sniffs a little. “That was about more than just him.”

“I know,” Max says.  “Part of me actually hoped maybe it would help you. With everything.  But, over time, your arrest record said otherwise, you know?” Max sighs a little. “And I’m not stupid, Michael.  I, I saw how you’d go underground for stretches, when he was home, then be, god, pissed at the world whenever he’d leave.”

It’s still too raw.  Still too close to the surface to really talk about. He doesn’t want to break down in the goddamn bar.

“You ever talk about this? With him?” Max asks.  

“Didn’t do much talking,” Michael mutters.

Max nods.  “Liz and I didn’t talk about it either.  Makes me wonder. Do they feel it the way we do?” He bites his lip.  “Sometimes I think, I think they couldn’t possibly, because if they did, if they did…”

He trails off and turns his head away.  “Fuck,” Michael mutters.  Max is crying.  Really crying.  Big, shuddery sobs.  Michael is on him quickly, wrapping an arm around him, trying to shield him from other people’s questioning looks.  “Hey,” he assures him. “Hey. Max.”

“She just left, Michael. She left.  This time it was her.  And I can’t blame anyone but myself.”

And shit… he’s right. There’s nothing Michael can really say to that. “Let’s go outside,” Michael says softly, throwing some money down and propping Max up as they take the closest exit.  They’re in the back alley, and there are a few couples there too, wrapped up in each other.  One of the bartenders taking a smoke break.  He ushers Max a little farther away. Lets him cry, lets him grab Michael while he does it.

Max pulls away after a while, face a mess.  “I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I’m sorry.  For this, and for all that time when you were just, just trying to be okay.”

Michael lets him cling to his jacket. Nods.  “You were right,” he says after a while.  “It, it didn’t help.  Not really. So I don’t know why I thought this, tonight would help you.”

“So what do we do?” Max asks, looking – god, so sad.  Lost.

Michael just looks upward, at the sky.  Tries to catch a glimpse at the stars, the moon, but it’s too cloudy, maybe, or the lights of the city are too bright.  It depresses him, and he looks back at Max. “We just do our best.  We live our lives.  Live them right.  And try to be better.  For them, yeah, but for us, too.” He shrugs.  “It’s what I’m trying to do. Now.  Only thing I can do, really.” He licks his lips, looks at Max.  “This time, let’s not try to do it alone, though, okay?”

Max looks up at him sharply. “You promise?”

And before Michael knows it, he’s hugging him. “I promise you, Max. I promise.”

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Stop pushing- Nolan Patrick

Heyo it’s me back on my cute shit again. I wrote this while crying to my mother about how much of a disaster my life currently is and how I’m an awful adult so I hope everything makes sense but if it doesn’t welcome to the club lol. I hope you guys enjoy

“I’m sorry! I thought that you already read the book!”

“(Y/N) you know I didn’t! I was only half way through it. You spoiled the whole fucking thing!” Nolan yelled in frustration. 

“Hoo boy trust me I have not spoiled the whole thing.”

“Shut up! Just shut up. Don’t say another word about the stupid book.”

“Baby I’m sorry.” I tried to reach out for him but he just walked away which made me frown.

We had been fighting for a little while because I had accidentally spoiled part of a book. He was reading it first and I asked him if I could read it after he was done so when he gave it to me I thought he had finished it of course. It was a really interesting murder mystery that had lots of twists towards the middle and I had talked about one that he hadn’t gotten to yet and I felt awful but he wasn’t accepting my apologies. This was our first fight since becoming a couple and I really didn’t know how to handle it, if I should back off or talk to him. I decided to call Tk and ask him what I should do.

“Hey nerd, what’s up?”

“Trav I need your advice on something.”

“You need advice and you chose me? Wow you’re dumb.”

“Teek it’s about Nolan.”

“Oh shit what’s wrong?” he said getting serious.

“I accidentally spoiled a part of this book. I asked if I could read it when he was done and he gave it to me the other day so I figured he was done and I wanted to talk about it but he was only half done and he yelled at me and he stormed out of the room.”

“Hardly a reason to get so angry.”

“That’s what I’m thinking. But what do I do? I feel like there’s something more to it. I’ve never fought with him, this is why I need your help.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on Tk don’t get all offended. You piss people off so often.”

“This is true.”

“Should I try to talk to him or should I just leave and let him work through it? I don’t want to smother him and fuck things up but I also don’t want to leave if he wants me around and fuck it up that way..” I trailed off running my hand down my face. “Travis I really don’t want to fuck this up.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better he really likes you a lot so I don’t think you’re going to fuck this up.”

“That’s good to know because I really like him a lot too.”

“I know you do. It’s gross. You guys giving each other heart eyes when the other isn’t looking.”

“Okay but what should I do right now?”

“Stay and talk to him. He’s going to try and push you away but really he just needs someone.”

“You’re sure? You’re not trying to sabotage me are out Tk?”

“That would just make you and Nols sad. No fun in sabotaging if it’s just gonna make my two favourite people sad.”

“Facts. Okay I’m gonna go and try to get him to talk. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sure, let me know how it goes.”

“Will do. Thank you Trav. Bye.” I hung up on him and went through the apartment until I got to his bedroom door. I knocked on it and walked in when I heard him mumble. “Hi Nol.”

“Hi..” 

“Can I sit?”

“Yeah of course.” he moved over a little bit so I could have some room. I sat down on the bed facing him. He was sitting up against the headboard.

“I’m sorry Nolan. I really truly am.”

“I know you are.”

“There’s something else bugging you isn’t there?” I asked quietly. He didn’t answer out loud, he just nodded. “I thought so.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Nols.” I ran my hand up his leg in what I hoped was comforting to him. “Tell me about it?”

“I really don’t want to bother you with my shit.”

“You’re not bothering me with your shit, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Just don’t worry about me.”

“Nolan you know I do worry about you. All the time.”

“Well just stop.”

“I can’t do that and you know it.”

“Why don’t you just leave like you were going to?” he asked with an angry edge in his voice.

“Whoa whoa whoa what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You were going to leave when I left the room.”

“I absolutely was not.”

“Well you certainly didn’t come follow me so what where you doing?”

“I called Tk, you fucking ass!” I yelled in annoyance.

“Teeks? Why?” he asked still with the bitter taste in his mouth.

“I wanted advice.” I said letting out a defeated sigh. 

“And you couldn’t have picked a better person to get advice from.” he said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

“I asked him because he’s my best friend and he knows you better than anyone. He warned me you’d be like this.”

“Like what?” he asked raising his voice again.

“Pushing me away completely for no fucking reason.”

“Still don’t see why you needed Tk’s advice to deal with me.”

“Nolan don’t say it like that. I’m not trying to deal with you. I’m trying to be here for you.” I sighed again running my hand through my hair before starting to talk again much calmer. “We’ve never fought before and I didn’t want to fuck this up by doing the wrong thing.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.” I said quietly looking at his bedspread. “Now can you please stop yelling at me and just talk to me about what’s bothering you?”

“I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t want to bother you with my shit.”

“And I meant what I said when I told you you’re not bothering me with anything. I really care about you and I just want you to be okay. I don’t want you to bottle things up. I want you to feel comfortable with me to talk and stuff..”

“Will you look at me please?”

“Yeah of course.” I looked into his eyes. “Sorry I’m just nervous that I really have just fucked everything up.”

“You haven’t. I promise you haven’t.” he opened his arms and nodded for me to go to him. I hesitated and he just smiled at me. “C’mere.”

“Okay..” I said quietly crawling up the bed to him. I sat on his lap sideways in his arms. I hugged him tight and he kissed the top of my head.

“I’m sorry. For it all. I swear you didn’t mess up, I did.”

“Just talk to me Nolan.” I said playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I just don’t know how to do this. I’m only used to Travis being here for me like this.”

“Well I’m here now too. I just want the best for you, just like Trav. We want you to be happy.”

“I’m not very happy.”

“I know babe, I can tell.”

“Can I start small? Like why I was upset about the book thing?”

“If that’s how you need to do it go ahead. There’s no wrong way to do this. Okay maybe one wrong way. Pushing away is the wrong way.” I said giving him a smile which he returned. “Go ahead Nol, why did you get upset with me?”

“I wasn’t upset with you. I was upset with me.”

“But why?”

“I felt bad that I was taking too long to read the book. You wanted to read it and I was taking so long. You always read so fast and I was upset that I couldn’t finish it and give it to you fast enough.”

“Honey you don’t have to read fast, I could’ve waited.”

“You would’ve been waiting so long. I physically can’t read fast or read much at a time because of my migraines.”

“Okay I see what this is about now.”

“What?” 

“Your migraine problem.”

“Yeah kind of..I don’t know I just get so frustrated that I can’t do things like I normally would’ve before this.”

“It’s a new normal to get used to yes, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so hard on yourself baby. You have to be patient with yourself.”

“I just want things to be normal. I don’t want a new normal. I want my normal where you ask me to read a book and I’m done the next day to give it to you and we can talk about it without spoiling it. I don’t want to have to lay here in the dark for hours after reading a chapter because my head hurts ya know?”

“Yeah I get it. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I can imagine that it’s incredibly difficult. Having something out of your power change everything in your life is so, so difficult. I’m sorry that you have to deal with it.”

“It’s not just the books though. It changed everything. I can’t play hockey right now. Except for Travis all the guys have forgotten about me.”

“They haven’t forgotten about you Nolan. They couldn’t.”

“They don’t invite me to anything anymore. I’ve barely seen the team in the past couple months. They just don’t seem to care about me anymore and it’s hard.”

“I’m sorry baby. That has to be rough. Maybe they don’t invite you over to hangout or go out because they’re worried about you? Like maybe they don’t know what will cause you to get sick and be in pain so they don’t want to risk it? Not a good reason to not include you obviously but it’s possible right?”

“I guess so. I never thought of that. I just figured that they didn’t want to see me if I wasn’t useful to the team anymore.”

“Nolan don’t say that. You’re not useless, you’re sick.”

“It’s hard to not get in my head about it.”

“That’s what me and Travis are here for hun, to make sure you don’t get too in your head about things. Do you maybe want to do something where the guys come over and you can see them again?”

“I don’t think they’d come..”

“Nolan, baby..” I didn’t know what to say so I just gave him a kiss.

“Sorry I’m so sad today.”

“Don’t be sorry. How are you feeling today besides sad?”

“My head kinda hurts a little but I feel a lot better now that I’ve told you what been bugging me though.”

“You take a nap, okay? I’ll make you some food when you wake up if you want.”

“I definitely want that.” he said with a smile. He gave me a kiss before laying down when I stood up to leave the room. I turned off the light and went back to the living room.

I was determined to cheer up my boyfriend so I started planning stuff with Tk. After a little while he was at the house with a bunch of ingredients for food and he helped me start cooking. More like he caused a mess and called a few of the guys they were closer to and invited them over. A little while later the guys all got there and they set up some more things to make it easier on his head. Travis had brought fairy lights so that the room could be pretty dark still with soft light. They also figured out a way to turn the brightness down on the tv. They were in the other room while I was finishing dinner in the kitchen. While I was doing that a sleepy Nolan walked in.

“Hi baby, how was your sleep?”

“It was good. My head’s feeling much better now.”

“Good.” I leaned up and kissed him. “Let’s go to the living room now that this food is done. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

When he got there and saw all his friends around the room excited to see him he got excited too. They were all talking about hockey and playing video games so I just did dishes and sat back in his room when I was done, letting them enjoy themselves. It was hours later when it finally got quiet in the living room. It didn’t take long for Nolan to come back to his room. When he did he had a huge smile on his face.

“Hi babes.” I said smiling at him. He came over to the bed and laid down on top of me, between my legs and began leaving kisses all over my face making me giggle.

“You’re so amazing.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah I did. We’re going to have more lowkey hangouts like that so I can be involved with less chance of my head hurting.”

“I’m so glad Nolan.” I said smiling big giving him another kiss.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah kinda.” he said with a shy smile. “Do you want to stay?”

“Yeah.” I said easily making him laugh.

“You’re so amazing. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one.” I said smiling at him.

“See what the fuck did I tell you? Gross. Heart eyes constantly.” Travis said from the door making me burst out laughing.

“Are you joining the sleepover Trav?”

“Good God I hope not..” Nolan said making me laugh again.

“Hell no. I was just coming back to say goodbye. I don’t want to know what’s going to happen once the lights are out.” 

“Teeks get out.” Nolan said hiding his face in my neck.

“Yeah get out.” I echoed giggling.

“God you guys are the worst.” he yelled as he walked out of the apartment.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about. I think you’re the best.” Nolan said kissing my neck.

“You’re so cute, I can’t even handle it.”

[yamithediaperdork]

Cry baby and Pee pants, part 1 (Digimon)

Matt cussed loud and long as he searched though his locker and the dressing room for the 5th time. The young blond had been trying out for a band, hoping to launch his music carer after more or less calling it quits as a digi destined, after barely keeping Tokyo from being blown up by a rouge digimon. This was actually his 6th audition, his young age and well, not exactly stellar skills on the guitar meant that he was told thanks for trying out, but he wasn't right for any of the bands till now. The leaping lizards had gushed over the raw talent being there, and had welcomed him on board, even pouring him a couple drinks of sake despite him being underage to celebrate. The last thing Matt recalled before waking up five hours later was them laughing at how stupid he was and.. Giving up the search, he had to finally admit the truth. they hadn't ever been serious about their offer to join the band and had just wanted to steal his guitar, a newer model and worth at least 300 bucks even being pawned. 'I suppose I should feel lucky I woke up with both kidneys.' Matt thought to himself. 'But how the fuck am I suppose to try out for the lone wolfs in two days with no instrument?' There was NO way he'd be able to get his parents to get him anther guitar, he'd had to basically break out the water works and plead on his knees for a month to get the last one. His antics had earned him the nick name of cry baby around both his dad's house and his mom's, and TK still wasn't letting it go and would ask if baby wanted his ba-ba. That left asking the others for a few loans, and most of them weren't too pleased he'd given up the hero game for fortune. Joe was blowing all his money on his studies anyways, Izzy on computer junk.. Sora and Mimi had been giving him the cold shoulder and he knew neither Kari nor TK would have the cash. '...I wonder if Tai's still hella gay?' Matt though, a Cheshire grin coming across his face. the always needy boy kisser had been good for getting a few video games before and junk, it was like 20 minutes of gay stuff like smooching and cuddling and then a little shopping spree AND Tai had just come into a fat wad of cash after a uncle that adored him had left him a big hefty inheritance. 'I can gay out for like, a hour for this.' Matt thought and getting his bag (and of course finding his wallet dry) he headed towards home, thinking about getting a even better guitar then before.

Tai was shocked when Matt called him the next morning, asking if he could meet up. After Matt had ditched the team only Tai and TK made any real efforts to hang with him, and TK only because they were brothers. In truth Izzy was giving Tai a hard time about it, but since Izzy was being a little bitch about a lot of things lately Tai just ignored his on and off again boyfriend. 'I mean, I was willing to get him that new computer he wanted and he couldn't rock a pamper butt for me? RUDE!' Tai thought and huffed. It was Tai's new fetish, and one he'd discovered by mistake when googling more on that Willis kid and finding out the little cutie had a website set up to show him modeling in diapers. Naturally seeing that Tai had begged and pleaded with Izzy to try out diapers but apparently Izzy had been a late bloomer and had only recently gotten out of daytime diapers before their whole adventure started. Naturally this had only made Tai wanna diaper him more, but again, Izzy was being a little pecker head about it. (at least from Tai's point of view.) 'heh. if Matt is expecting a little shopping spree today..he's in for a surprise. the boy is gonna earn it.' Tai thought, and went and checked on the supplies he kept under his bed on the off chance he lucked into a diaper boy. there they were, 2 packs of the diaper brand Willis recommended on his site, nice and thick, and a few onesies along with a changing pad and pacifiers and a baby bottle. 'Oh yeah..come onnn Matt..be desperate for money~'

Matt made sure to wear a nice tight sleeveless top and a pair of tight jeans (So tight he'd needed TK's help getting into them.) and made sure to spike his hair just the way that Tai liked it. TK wasn't dumb though, and knew what Matt was doing. "Looking good for your sugar daddy Cry baby." He teased and winked. "Your lucky Tai's expecting me, or I'd give you the noogie to end all noogies." Matt said, raising a eyebrow. it was just the two of them at their mothers apartment at the moment and TK used to know better then to push his luck when it was just them. "Mmhhhhmm.. your dadddy calls and cry baby Matt comes running. maybe HE'S gonna give ya yer ba-ba~" TK giggled. the giggles died off as TK saw the look on Matt's face, and when their mom would get back she'd find TK hanging by his undies from a nail on the wall. "...pushed cry baby too far again huh?" she asked, smirking and taking off her jacket. "Y-Yeah..uh..a little help?"TK squeaked. "Righttt after I put the groceries away.. think of this as time to reflect on watching your mouth." mom said and walked away. "B-But my undies are so far up my crack i can taste themmm!" TK whined. "then I don't need to worry about lunch." came the reply. "...Funny fucker aren't you." TK huffed under his breath, crossing his arms. "I hear that!"

Making his way to Tai's Matt got more then a few looks from both guys and girls, and likewise, a few wolf whistles. He ignored them for the most part, but had a smirk on his face knowing just how sexy he looked and soon was knocking on Tai's door. Tai gave him a once over as he opened the door and Matt smirked, he was almost drooling. "So, Like what you see?" Matt asked, and flexed a arm. "heh, Oh yeah. so gonna stand out there and look hot, or come inside and tell me what you want?" Tai asked, standing aside and gesturing into the apartment. "Don' worry, Kari had a school thing out of town and mom and dad are with her.I have you allll to myself." Tai added, slapping Matt's ass as he walked past, making Matt yelp and blush. Still, Matt knew what was expected of him for the most part and just flashed Tai a grin and blew a kiss. 'fucking bastard! he knows i hate spanking stuff!' Matt fumed. Matt went to sit down on the couch by Tai had closed the door and taken a seat in a arm chair, then patted his lap. '..He's totally getting me the latest guitar if he keeps this shit up.' Matt fumed, but walked over and sat on Tai's lap,putting his arms around the bigger boy. Matt might of been taller, but with all the sports that Tai played he had a bulked up look and was pound for pound much stronger. "So, You normally only get THIS dressed up if you want something, so what's my little Mattie need?" Tai asked, cradling Matt in a way that Matt recognized as using back when TK was toddler. "I..I uh..I have a band audition coming up..but some jerk's stole my guitar..and um.." Matt swallowed and then batted his eyes at Tai. "I was wondering, hoping if maybe you'd get me a new one.I've been practicing my kissing and we can cuddle and stuff for like, 2 hours even!" "heh. Well that IS a tempting offer. doubly so when your cute ass is in my lap. but I have a boyfriend if I just wanted to make out with a cutie. and Izzy is willing to go all the way." Tai chuckled. "O-Oh..but..I uh..I'm not..you...know..I'm.." Matt stammered. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you suck dick or take it up the poop chute. and I WILL get you whatever kinda guitar you want for your silly little audition which by the way is when?" Tai asked, kissing Matt's forehead and making alarm bells go off in the blond mind. "I-It's tomorrow at 3 pm sharp. And..what do you want then?" Matt asked, a nervous twitch to his voice. "Oh nothing too much. something really easy actually." Tai said and smiled. 'Bullshit' Matt thought but kept the smile on his face. "and that is?..." "For every say.. 20 dollars I spend on your little guitar I get one hour with you being my darling little diaper boy." "..What?!"

Tai smirked as he got ready to put Matt back into padding. the blond was looking huffy as fuck, but was keeping his mouth shut all the same, likely trying not to blow his semi good deal. Tai of course fully understood WHY Matt wouldn't be happy with the deal, but couldn't help but tease the impending little uy a little bit. "Awww come on widdle Mattie, can't you give daddy a smile? Your making daddy think you don't wanna do our widdle deal." He he teased, reaching over and tickling mat''s chin while the blond sat cross legged next to him. "...Your a sick man, you know that?" Matt asked, but he was grinning all the same, though whether it was from the chin tickles or humoring him Tai couldn't be sure. "Flattery will get you everywhere." Tai said with a wink, and as he finished getting the changing pad (with a adorable teddy bear print) set up and the changing supplies ready, he looked over Matt's jeans as he tugged out 3 of the thick puffy diapers. "So, are gonna be able to get out of those by yourself? they almost look spray painted on." Tai asked. "I can totally undress myself!" Matt huffed and stood up, unbuttoning the jeans and sliding his thumbs into the belt loops and tugging. And tugging some more. and then more tugging as they didn't budge. "You were saying?" Tai asked, in a clearly delighted tone. "..Shut up and help me get these things off." Matt huffed.

Matt was crimson after they FINALLY got his jeans off, partly due to the fact it had taken 10 minutes of effort, and well, needing Tai's help to undress. Not helping matters was the fact that Matt had chosen to go commando and well, liked to keep it shaved down there. "Awww somebody was a good boy and knew what was coming and saved daddy some time!" Tai teased. 'oh shut the fuck up!' Matt thought. "Yeah, let's go with that." was his sulky reply. Tai had oddly grabbed a razor blade all the same and cut silts in the back and front of two of the three massive diapers he was planing on putting on Matt, making the blond give his impending 'daddy' a weird look. "It's so when you go tinkle, the wetness is shared and you can go longer in your diapies. Same for when you go boom boom." Tai said cheerfully. THAT had caused the blush to leave Matt's face, at least for a little bit as he paled. "W-Wait.. you mean..you want me to.. uh.. go.." Matt stammered, and the blush returned as he struggled to say the words, then hissed and blew a raspberry. "in my diapers!?!" "..Ok that was hella cute. and Yup, I'm even gonna be nice and let you use them all on your own for today, though if I don't like the results I'm seeing I'll be sure to get you some potty med's to help." Tai said and winked, then patting the changing mat. "come on Little guy, let's get your diapies on and then you can sit in daddies lap while we order you a guitar so you can make music for daddy." "But..I thought we were going and getting one today!" Matt whined. "Oh, does somebody wanna go out shopping in his diapers? So bold!" Tai teased. "NO! I just..uh.." mental images of Matt waddling around in the big bulky diapers, holding Tai's hand and sucking his thumb flooded his mind and he started to squirm lots even as he laid down on the changing pad. "Don't worry. I'll pay for rush delivery. if we get it in town it'll be here by this afternoon. Maybe I'll let my little exhibitionist answer the door." Tai teased, and grabbed the first diaper. '...I could really go for anther glass of sake right now.' Matt thought and lifted up his butt like a good boy.

Back at the apartment TK was having pain fueled day dreams of all the times his undies hadn't of been lodged up his crack and wished his mom would hurry up and come and get him down. Not helping the whole situation was the fact that he had a growing bladder issue and any attempt's to shift around and relive the pressure there only made the undies ride up more. His mom had gone from putting things away to excuse herself to the bathroom, an like she was the worlds greatest comedian she'd told him not to move, and to hang in there. TK had wisely kept his opinions of her humor to himself as he had a sneaking suspicion that his earlier comments had helped extend his wedgie time. Still as the need to tinkle grew more and more TK couldn't keep quiet. "MOMMY! I hafa go pee! if you don't wanna clean up a puddle you needa get me down NOW!" He called. the bathroom door opened and Nancy walked out, smirking. "Why didn't you say something sooner wedgie boy?" she asked, taping a finger on his nose. "...You were just waiting in there!?!" TK shouted and huffed, crossing his arms and glaring. Sadly as his attention was focused on his mom and being mad at her, it was diverted from where it needed to be. "Well you were being a little brat an-" She started, then looked down as a hissing noise was heard and looked at the growing wet patch on the front of TK's undies, and the puddle that was starting to form on the floor. "Really?" "T-This is your fault!" TK huffed even as she grabbed him under the arms and lifted him down, though holding him away from her so she didn't get any pee on her. The flow was weakling and stopping as she got him on his feet, turning him so he could add to the puddle while not standing in it since he was in socks. (not that they weren't already wet) "Mhmm.. Well go and finish in the bathroom and clean up." She said, rolling her eyes then noticed a super guilty look on TK's face. "The..flow DID stop because you got it under control right?" She asked, a smirk tugging on her face. "Er..well..see.." TK said, rubbing the back of his head and chuckling nervously. "Go grab a shower pee pants, and meet mommy in your room. you know the rule for pant's wetters in this house." She said and turned away to go and get the mop and bucket as TK whined. "MOOOM! NOT THE PULL UPS!"

Back at Tai's and Matt was powdered and tapped in his triple thick white diapers, and squirming like crazy as he looked at himself in the mirror. Tai had tugged off his shirt so at the moment Matt was JUST in his white socks and white diapers, and he couldn't even close his legs! and as bad as it looked from the front, once he turned around and looked over his shoulder it was WAY worse in the back! He hadn't of even been able to get to his feet without Tai's help (well, he was gonna use Tai's bed to pull himself up but Tai had insisted daddy was here to help) and to say he was waddling was a massive understatement. "So what do you think little guy?" Tai asked, coming up behind him and making Matt look front ward in the mirror again, kissing Matt's cheek as he patted Matt's fat diapered bottom. "...I feel like I'm gonna knock lamps off of end tables, and there should be a beeping noise when i back up!" Matt whined. "heh, cute idea. I'll see what i can rig up for your next diaper day with daddy." Tai chuckled and kissed Matt's cheek. 'I need to stop giving him ideas.' Matt mentally groaned. "Can I at least put my shirt back on or something? or you have some shorts I can put over these? I wanna try and cover the diapers up!" Matt whined. "oh, You're just in luck little guy! Daddy DOES have something to go over your adorable huggies." Tai said. The old familiar warning bells were going off in Matt's head as Tai went and reached under the bed, and pulled out two onesie's, or as Matt called them, diaper shirts. One was light blue with a yellow trim on the sleeves, neck and leg hole, and had a yellow star on the front, that had a smiling face and said 'daddies little star' under it in yellow text. the second one was a white one with a dinosaur print all over it, and Matt fought the urge to facepalm. 'I really need to start watching my goddamn mouth.' he thought. "So buddy, what do you thin? wanna be my widdle star, or a dino boy?" Tai asked. "Gee, they're BOTH so tempting." Matt said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. If Tai noticed though he didn't show it and just nodded instead. "You're right, I'll pick for you." '...REALLY need to just keep my effing mouth shut!'

In the end Tai went with the little star onesie, though he'd over estimated just how thick he could go and still use them as it was a bit of a fight to get the crotch snaps to close. "I think after we get you your little guitar, we'll go shopping and get more cute outfits for my widdle musician." Tai said. He could tell Matt was less then pleased, but the boy forced a smile on his face and nodded. "whatever you want ta-" he started to say. "ah ah ah, when your butt is in diapers, it's DADDY. Got it?" Tai said, wagging a finger and smirking. "..Yeah OK." Matt replied, rolling his eyes. "yeah OK what?" Tai questioned, the grin getting bigger. "...Yeah OK daddy." Matt said, smiling but clenching his teeth. Tugging Matt over/ helping the padded cutie keep his balance, Tai sat down in his big comfy computer chair and tugged Matt into his lap, giving the big baby's neck a kiss. "Now did you have a certain store in mind, or just want me to google and shop around?" Tai asked.

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[thcbcys]

Hewwo and welcome to Ken rambles about shit that has happened this year. Cause ya. Why the fuck not. Anyways, Wow...its been a year huh? I use t be in the south park fandom and ran a blog with like over 500 followers, But fuck I came to this fandom and got way into it to where I just left that blog. I met some wonderful people here honestly and wow, I’m very happy I got to meet them!!!

I had my ups and downs with this year though, Mostly involving my last year of school and uh, people in my class and other stuff. But I really rather not bring that horrible stuff up. Other then that, I’ve had a rather uh...rocky year, struggling a little with life and uh then there’s when I got a fuck tun of mood drops. Those were fun. But I’m here so that’s good right? Gotta thank my friends for that! 

And this year really helped me come out of my shell a hell of a lot more, I now have become a lot less shy and tend to actually message/talk to people and not think I’ll annoy them or just be too scared to talk to em. I’ve really improved on my social skills a hell of a lot as well though, Even if I do act like boo boo the fool most of the time I uh get social with people! 

But I’m really happy about this year and hope it goes as smoothly and quickly as this year did. So Uh, Now I’ma talk about some friends that are like super fucking close to me / has helped me with a lot during this year. 

@flyingfluffywolf​: Even though we haven’t like, known each other for a year, idc. You’re like my very best friend of all time and I’d like, totally die for you. Let me just tell you how much I love this wonderful person, Like your always there for me when I need you and you just make me very happy all the time. Like, I’ll be in a really shitty mood and you always find a way to make me smile and laugh. Tk, You’ve also like really improved my vocabulary / writing?? Idk I just learn smart words from you that I’ve never really know much about before. God I just wanna like, Fucking hug you, no homo though. I’m not sure how I haven’t like,,,, fucking annoyed you enough to not talk to me?? like wow??? I should Give you a metal for dealing with my bullshit. Anyways I wuv you so much and I just really want you to know that, Cause I really really do wuv u. 

@nathanthesoldierboy​: Nate, Holy fuck I love you so much like you don’t understand. Like, I’m gonna kick anyone’s ass who like, disrespects you and like is mean to you because you don’t deserve that shit at all. We both been through our ups and down’s together but You’re always there for me when I’m sad! Sick too, Your like the mother I seem to be missing half the time. I want you to stop being so hard on yourself :( You’re a very wonderful person and it makes me sad to see you talk to bad about yourself all the time, Because I love you so much and I just want you to be happy!! Everyone deserves to be happy, So do you. 

@ask-a-freckled-sky​: Bish come here, I’m gonna love you so fucking much. Aaa I Wuv This bean so much, Like wow. Their so nice and sweet and Always trying to help me feel better when I’m down, and then they have the audacity to make cute as fuck Ships with me?? like?? How dare you do this to my fragile heart. I just really wanna hug you and like tell you everything is alright and just make you feel better like you do to me, and Just wow. I love you so much my dude, But like, No Homo Tho...Cause that’s gay. 

@anxious-caffeine​: FUCK, We don’t talk as much as I want to!! But Wow, I’d really like to get to know you better. Like, we both know what it’s like when old people give us 100$ to pay for something that’s 1$ and just your characters, I love them so much. I just Wish we could talk a hell of a lot more then what we do!! But I wuv u so much!!!!

@spirit-is-dead​: Come here and let me cry cause I’m so fuckin’ happy that I know you. Like, Holy fuck your really nice and caring and I just wish to hug you my dude. You make me very happy when we talk and rp, Even if I tend to forget a lot about reply’s cause I’m rather fuckin’ dumb. But Please forgive me, for I am just a simple Baby. <333 I wuv you and I want you to have the best year you can. 

@redclawedkitty​: I know we haven’t known each other very long but like, Hi, I consider you a good friend. I’m sowwy if I always forgot to reply to rps and always seem to start new ones before the other ones are Finish. My small Baby brain just can’t do one thing at a time. But like yo dude, Teach me to draw like holy fuck, I want your talent and your patience honestly, I’m surprised i haven’t annoyed you yet!!! But Uh anyways Hewwo I wuv you and like I’d really like to get to know you a bit better, ya,,,,

@messedupmultimuse​: Hey there, ya I’m adding you. Why? Cause you fucking deserve it you ball of fuckin fluff. Ya that’s right, I called you a ball of fluff, what cha gonna do about it??? Huh??? Nothing cause you wuv me way too much. Now Come here and accept some love from me because wow, You’ve been through a lot of shit with me webfhwefbwh I mean your my go too when I feel really sad cause you always know what to say to me to make me feel better, like....your the big brother I’ve never had. Come to Canada you dumb dumb so I can fucking hug you and wuv you more. But like, No Homo,,,,

@lcvebctters​: And Last, but not least. My lovely girlfriend. God I just want you here with me so we can cuddle and kiss and wow, I just want you here with me. I love you so much with all your positive energy and how it just radiates to me. Like,,,,, I want to be as happy as you are all the time. I also would like to be as cute as you are too. Your so sweet and caring and man you lift me out of a bad mood by just saying hello. I hate that we’re this far apart but I hope soon we will be able to finally get together and cuddle because I really just want to hold you close and love you even more. I wuv you so much, Mwah. I kiss. I wish you the best of luck this year babe, you can make it through that hell place called School so we can both be graduates 

[morganaspendragonss]

´till death do us part

@911lonestarangstweek day 4 - m is for...mcd, mourning

if you saw my posts about the 'crying fic'... this is it

thanks to liz and @halsteadmarchs for the beta!

ao3 | 5.5k | major character death, hurt/comfort, mourning, non-linear narrative, car accidents, hopeful ending

This is a mistake.

It’s been a long time since Carlos last did this, but not long enough at the same time. His friends would disagree with him—they tell him he needs to get back in the game, and it’s well-meaning, but they don’t get it. They don’t know how hard these past few years have been for him.

They don’t know what it’s like to lose the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with; they don’t know what it’s like to go from being engaged one day to alone the next. In fact, there’s only one person Carlos knows who even has a hope of understanding, and he really doesn’t appreciate the irony that it’s the one person he’s guaranteed to never see again.

It’s not that he meant to turn himself into a recluse after it happened; he knows that’s not what he would want for him.

Thing is, Carlos isn't sure that he gets to have an opinion anymore, since he was the one who left. Carlos doesn’t blame him for what happened—that would be stupid—but sometimes, sometimes, he just gets so damn angry at him.

(he always feels guilty for it after, which is equally as stupid as the anger. there’s no one left for him to direct it at, after all)

Carlos sighs, shaking his head as he steps into the bar. He doesn’t want to be here—he wouldn’t be here, but Michelle had threatened to make a special trip back to Austin specifically to kick his ass if he didn’t at least give this a try.

This, being the blind date his friends had insisted he go on. Technically, he could leave and still not be lying when he tells Michelle he went—he is in the bar, after all—but Carlos has never liked the idea of standing someone up, no matter the circumstances.

So here he is. Alone at a bar, nursing a lukewarm beer, and wishing he were anywhere else.

Someone slides into the seat next to him, and Carlos barely gets a second to prepare himself before he’s met with a winning smile and sparkling green eyes.

God, why did they have to be green?

“Hey,” the guy says, still smiling. “Carlos, right? Nice to meet you. I’m Domenic.”

*

Carlos is still trying to catch his breath, his head thumping back against the wall of the bathroom stall they’ve ended up in, when lips brush his ear, hot breath sending electricity down his spine.

“I’m TK, by the way.” The whisper is rough, a smirk laced into it, like TK knows exactly what he’s done to him.

And Carlos is so far from fully-functioning that the only response he can come up with is a breathy, “I know.”

TK pulls back, his brows furrowing though there’s a wry quirk to his lips. “Didn’t take you for a Star Wars fan, but okay.”

Now it’s Carlos’s turn to frown as his addled brain struggles to put together TK’s thought process there. “What?”

“Never mind.”

Well. This took a turn. Carlos has no idea what’s going on, but there is something in the back of his mind that tells him he must have sounded like a creep, telling this guy he’s pretty much only just met that he already knows his name. He gestures lamely towards TK in explanation. “Your turn-out coat at the scene the other night. I thought it probably stood for something but then one of your team—Marwani, I think?—called you. So.”

Carlos shrugs, embarrassment quickly catching up with him, which seems absurd given what they just did. Then again, it’s been a long time since he’s done anything like this; he’s more of a wine-and-dine kind of guy than the type to make out with a near stranger in a less-than-sanitary bathroom.

But there’s something about TK Strand that has Carlos wanting to know everything about him.

And if everything starts here, well. He’s more than happy to take it.

Thankfully, TK seems to pick up on the sudden awkwardness in the stall. He takes a couple of steps back until he’s leaning against the opposite wall, which doesn’t really put that much space between them, but Carlos appreciates it all the same.

“So, do I get a name, or…?”

The question has Carlos flushing all over again, turning a bright red when he sees TK’s smile. He clears his throat and smiles, trying not to wince. “Carlos.”

“Carlos,” TK repeats, dragging the syllables out like he’s testing the sound of them on his tongue. Carlos shivers a little, his breath catching in his throat at the small smile that spreads across TK’s face.

Then a phone is being thrust in his hand, unlocked and opened on the Add contact page. “Put your number in,” TK says. “In case you ever, you know. Feel like doing this again.”

A thrill runs down Carlos’s spine at the thought that TK wants to do this again. Maybe he’s not the only one who feels this connection. Maybe…

Well. It’s too soon for that. But as he types in his number, Carlos can’t help but wonder where, exactly, this road might lead.

*

His house is quiet when he gets home. It’s a familiar kind of quiet, one that’s lain over the place like a blanket ever since that day three years ago. Carlos has gotten used to it over time, and he thinks that maybe it’s eased a little—but only a little.

Things haven’t changed much over the years. TK’s stuff still decorates the house, not as much as it used to, but Carlos hadn’t been able to bring himself to remove the stuffed bear that sits on the chair by their bed, or the plastic duck TK had insisted they have in the bathroom for ‘the vibes’, or the hand-sewn heart a little girl whose parents TK had saved had gifted him, which hangs proudly in their front window.

And the pictures; Carlos refuses to take the pictures down. The one sitting on his nightstand had been turned over for a long time after the accident, but now he can’t imagine going to bed each night without seeing it. It’s from their engagement party, a candid captured by Evie, a professional photographer in the making according to Tommy.

Carlos is inclined to agree—the photo, showing him and TK looking at each other, wide smiles on both their faces, is his favourite thing in the world.

His phone rings, making him jump. Carlos sighs heavily when he sees Michelle’s name flash up on FaceTime and he briefly considers declining, but there’s no way she’d be deterred so easily.

He takes a second to get himself together, then answers, plastering a smile on his face. “Hey chica.”

Michelle doesn’t waste a second in getting to the point. “So,” she says, leaning forward and grinning, “how’d it go?”

“It went.”

Her smile falters and she frowns, scrutinising him. “Did you even go?”

“Yes.” Carlos purses his lips, not wanting to get into it anymore, but Michelle is insistent and he’s too tired to make excuses right now. “His name is Domenic, he’s nice, I’m not seeing him again.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Carlos.” Michelle sighs, her voice going quiet. “It’s been three years.”

“That’s not a long time.”

“I know.”

“I still dream about him, ‘Chelle,” Carlos cuts in, sudden tears overwhelming him. “I still—I still think about what I could have done differently to save him, I still imagine the future we could have had. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. I don’t know if I can stop.”

“When Iris disappeared—”

“It’s not the same,” he snaps, harsher than he means to. “You always had that hope, right? Everyone was telling you Iris was dead, but you always believed that she would come back. And she did, and I am so happy about that, I am, but guess what, Michelle? TK is dead. He’s dead. I’m never gonna see him again—in fact, the last time I did see him, it was when his body was lying in a morgue, and he was so cold and so still and so—so not TK that I could barely believe it was him.

“But it was, because he’s dead. It’s not the same.”

He’s properly crying by the time he finishes his speech, and Michelle has tears in her eyes too. Carlos feels a little guilty now, but he can’t bring himself to be fully sorry for what he said. Still, Michelle looks crushed, and Carlos can’t lose his best friend.

One more loss would kill him, he thinks.

“Michelle, listen—”

“It’s fine, Carlos,” she interrupts, swiping a hand under her eyes. “You… You’re right. It’s not the same. I’ll just. I’ll leave you alone now. I’m sorry the date didn’t work out.”

Then she’s gone, and Carlos is alone again, the weight of it settling uncomfortably on his shoulders.

*

Their first real date is painfully awkward, reminiscent of covert high school meet-ups with boys in the nearby diners, or like that one time Carlos tried using a dating app. That had been an experience he’d wanted to forget, but now he finds himself recalling it in horrific detail as he and TK sit on opposite sides of a table, a plate of limp fries slowly cooling between them.

“So—”

“I was thinking—”

They both speak at the same time, and an embarrassed flush rises on Carlos’s cheeks. He swallows past the lump in his throat and gestures to TK, barely able to look him in the eyes. “You should go first.”

TK laughs and shakes his head. “I was about to tell you the same thing. Since when have things been this awkward between us? We fucked on the floor of your front room about a week after meeting, surely we should be well past this stage by now.”

He has a point.

Carlos laughs too and finally works up the courage to meet TK’s gaze. “I mean, it’s not like we were doing much talking back then.”

“Things are a lot simpler without clothes,” TK agrees, a suggestive lilt to his tone and, somehow, it’s all that’s needed to break the tense silence they’d previously been suffering in. Carlos grabs a fry, grimacing at the grease that instantly coats his fingers, and points it at TK.

“Cool it, Strand,” he warns. “You aren’t going to find it that easy to seduce me anymore.”

TK grins, his eyes sparkling. “Oh, we’ll see about that, Officer.”

*

Carlos is surprised when he wakes up the next morning to a text from Domenic.

Hey, it reads. Sorry about last night. I know that you’re not into me or whatever and that’s cool, but I like you. Do you think we could maybe still be friends?

He sighs and drops his phone onto his bare chest, arm flopping onto the other side of the bed. It’s funny, he thinks idly; before TK, he’d tended to sleep closer to the middle and it had never bothered him. Now, it feels weird to break from the way things used to be—in Carlos’s head, the left side is still TK’s, and the right his.

He knows what Domenic’s text implies. ‘Let’s be friends and then we can see how it goes’. Carlos could tell him now that it’s not going anywhere and save them both the trouble, but he kind of...wants a friend.

It sounds pathetic, even to his own ears, but all his friends are either fellow cops, the 126, or Michelle, who’s in another state. And Domenic was nice. So, really, what’s the harm?

Twenty minutes later, they have plans to meet at a coffee shop.

Ten minutes after that, Carlos arrives.

*

Carlos startles as TK’s arms suddenly slip around his waist, his chin pressing into Carlos’s shoulder. He quickly relaxes into the hold, covering TK’s hands with his own, but TK isn’t fooled.

“Where did you go?” he murmurs, breath tickling Carlos’s neck.

“Nowhere,” Carlos answers. “I was just...thinking.”

“About what?”

“Well…” He hesitates, biting his lip, then spins to face TK, letting their still-joined hands swing in the minute space between them. “This is crazy, right? Not, like, bad crazy—well, a little bit bad crazy; our last place did burn down—but all of this. Getting a house together. Three bedrooms. All of it. It’s crazy.”

TK grins, the little frown that had emerged at Carlos’s first words quickly melting away. “Completely,” he agrees. He kisses Carlos briefly, then steps away, breaking their hands apart to tread a slow circuit around their new front room. Carlos watches him fondly, somehow falling even more in love with him.

“You know,” TK says suddenly, his eyes roving around the empty space, “I’ve never actually done this before.”

“What do you mean?”

He waves his hands, gesturing at the flaking paint on the walls and the lack of furniture. “Decorated a house. I had an apartment in New York but that came fully-furnished and I didn’t exactly have a ton of stuff to add. And then when I moved here with my dad, I didn’t care too much about how the house looked, and you know how my dad is about interior design. It’s a little...scary, thinking about doing it now, with you.”

Carlos’s eyes widen, his heart clenching at the words. “Do you… Do you not want to do this?” he asks, half-dreading the answer. He’d thought they were both on the same page here, but what if… What if…

“What?” TK frowns, crossing the room in three quick strides to meet Carlos. “Babe, no, of course I want to. It’s a good kind of scary, I promise.”

“You sure?” Carlos scans his boyfriend’s face, searching for any hint of doubt or anxiety. But there is none, and TK just smiles, kissing Carlos’s cheek.

“A thousand percent,” he says. “It’ll be fun.”

(‘Fun’ isn’t the word Carlos would give to what came next. ‘Frustrating’, possibly. Or ‘exhausting’. Maybe even ‘interminable’.)

(But, at the end of it all, they have a home. Their home. And Carlos can see their future taking shape before his very eyes.)

*

Domenic grins when he sees Carlos approaching him, and a part of Carlos regrets even agreeing to come. But he can hardly turn around now, so he forces a smile and slides into the chair next to him, extending a hand to shake. Domenic sends him a strange look at that, but obliges anyway, shaking Carlos’s hand with a surprising firmness.

“Hey,” he says, still smiling.

“Hey.” Carlos sighs, taking in Domenic’s bright eyes and warm, hopeful face, and decides, fuck it. “Look, before you say anything, I just want you to know that I’m not looking for anything right now. My friends set me up on that date with you—and it’s not that I don’t think you’re a good guy, I honestly do, but—”

“Carlos.” Domenic appears to be fighting off laughter, though he’s not entirely successful in it, a brief chuckle slipping past his lips. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I know it sounds hard to believe, but I really am okay with being friends. Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing where it goes, but…”

He trails off, seeing what must be obvious doubt on Carlos’s face. “Look, I’m kind of new in town, alright? I don’t really know many people around here, and I’m just...fuck, man. I’m lonely. So if you wanna be friends, then that’s incredible and more than enough for me. I swear.”

And Domenic is looking at him so earnestly that Carlos really has no choice but to believe him. He feels himself flushing a bright red, embarrassed at how self-centred and narcissistic he must have seemed, and a stammered apology is halfway out of his mouth when Domenic reaches over and lays a firm hand on his arm.

“It’s no big deal,” he says, patting once before drawing back. “I do want to ask, though, if you don’t mind? Why did you come on the date if you didn’t want to? Not many guys would.”

Carlos huffs a laugh. “My friends think I’m turning into a hermit. It’s an assessment that I...wouldn’t disagree with. Let’s just say you’re not the only one looking for a friend.”

Domenic’s eyebrows quirk up in interest. “Oh? Anything to do with your unwillingness to date? I mean, a guy like you—it’s hard to imagine that you don’t have men practically throwing themselves at you. Maybe even literally. How come you’re still single? Is there...someone else?”

Carlos’s whole body tenses at the question, his gaze dropping to his hands and his heart in his shoes. Tension lies thick in the air, and he feels the sudden urge to flee, but he’s rooted to his chair, stuck under Domenic’s scrutiny.

“Shit,” Domenic says, voice hushed. “Carlos, I—I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… Fuck, forget I said anythin—”

“I was engaged.”

Carlos hadn’t meant to say it. He doesn’t know why he did. It’s just… He hasn’t really talked about TK properly with anyone in the three years since; his friends were all TK’s friends too, and they all knew him—knew them.

This is the first time he’s actually spending time with someone who didn’t know, and it’s not freeing exactly, but it’s the first time he feels free to speak about TK the way he wants to, without anyone else’s memories looming over it.

“I’m not anymore, obviously,” he laughs wryly, finally managing to look back up at Domenic, finding shock on his face. “It was… It ended.”

Domenic’s mouth opens and closes several times before he’s able to pull himself together enough to speak. “Who called it off?” he asks—which was not what Carlos was expecting. “Because if it was him, man. He really missed out there.”

Carlos hesitates a moment, then answers, “It was him. But it wasn’t on purpose.” He breathes out shakily, swallowing hard. “He died a month before the wedding.”

*

Carlos smirks as he hears a groan at his back, glancing over his shoulder to find TK pretending to bang his head on the table. “Having fun, babe?”

Another groan. “Let’s just elope. Let’s get married in some random courthouse by some random Texas official. That way we wouldn’t have to figure out stuff like a seating plan or—or what kind of cake knife to use. I mean, babe.” TK sends a pleading look in Carlos’s direction, and Carlos can’t help but laugh, cruel though it feels when TK’s wounded expression just gets worse.

“I’m pretty sure my mother and your dad would kill us if we did that,” he points out, causing TK’s mouth to twist.

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“No, you don’t.” Grinning, Carlos turns back to his chopping, except, when he reaches out for the next ingredient, he only meets empty space. “Mierda. TK, babe, can you run to the store? I forgot the chilis.”

“Can’t you just leave them out?”

There’s a hopeful note to TK’s tone, but Carlos stands firm—his cooking is the one thing he’s able to resist TK for. “You’d think you’d be used to spices by now,” he comments. “And the answer is no; go on. You’ll barely even taste them.”

TK mutters his disagreement, but he gets up and leaves anyway. Carlos watches him go, shaking his head fondly before returning to dinner. Technically, he could leave the chilis out, but he’s been brought up to consider even the mere suggestion as sacrilege, and he’s not planning on letting TK persuade him otherwise any time soon.

Twenty minutes later, he’ll regret that decision more than anything else in the world.

*

“Carlos, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to—”

“I want to. As long as you’re okay with it; I don’t want to just unload all over you.”

“It’s okay, I promise. What are friends for?”

*

Carlos frowns, checking the clock. TK should have been back by now; the store is only a five minute drive from their place, and surely he would have texted if he was going to be delayed. He’s about to call him himself when his phone starts ringing, TK’s name flashing up on the screen.

He sighs in relief, answering the call. “Did you get lost or something?”

Silence.

“TK?”

Nothing again, and Carlos’s panic starts to skyrocket. “TK!”

And, this time, he gets an answer.

“C-Carlos.”

Carlos’s heart drops into his stomach at the rasp of TK’s voice. He sounds like he can barely breathe—in fact, if Carlos strains to listen, he can hear stilted, ragged breaths coming through the phone’s speakers. TK is hurt, probably seriously, and, fuck, it was Carlos who sent him out in the first place, this is his fault, he—

“Carlos, please.”

He breaks out of his spiral and clutches his phone tight to his ear, racing around the house to get his shoes on and grab his keys. “TK, where are you? I’ll find you, I promise I will, and you’re gonna be just fine, okay?”

TK doesn’t speak for a few seconds, before, “No.”

Carlos screeches to a halt. “What?”

“I don’t—I can’t tell you where I am. I don’t know. And there’s—there’s no time. No— Someone found me, they called 9-1-1, but they won’t—there’s no time.”

“TK, don’t you dare give up, okay, don’t you dare talk like that. You just need to focus on my voice and stay awake for a little while longer and then they’ll get you to a hospital where they’ll fix you up. You’ll be good as new right in time for the wedding.”

“The wedding. Carlos, I—”

“And if this is your way of getting out of making all the decisions, then it’s a little bit over the top, you know? I mean, point proven and all that, but you could have just told me.” He’s getting hysterical now, he can feel it, standing in the middle of his front room trying to keep his fiancé alive and talking when he’s god-knows-where in god-knows-what condition.

But, as always, TK is there to centre him again. “Carlos, stop, please.”

Carlos doesn’t know if it’s the way TK’s voice is getting quieter and quieter, his energy obviously flagging, or if it’s his pleading tone, but he’s suddenly struck completely still. He can’t move a muscle, every sense tuned into whatever is happening on the other end of the phone.

“I don’t—I don’t want to spend the time we have left lying to each other,” TK eventually says, his words riding on broken breaths now. “I don’t want to leave you, but I think… No, I know that I have to now. I’m s-so sorry. I wish… I wish we…” A gasp, and a horrific cough that sounds like it’s tearing TK apart. “I love you.”

Carlos doesn’t get a chance to reply before there’s a loud thud, and it doesn’t take him long to figure out what caused it.

TK dropped the phone.

TK passed out.

It’s salt in the wound when, seconds later, Carlos hears the wail of sirens approaching the scene.

*

There are tears dripping down his face as he tells Domenic of the sheer, gut-wrenching panic and fear of those next few minutes.

How he’d been unable to put the phone down, instead listening as the screech of machinery and the raised voices of firefighters and paramedics drifted through the speakers.

How the noises had dimmed when they extracted TK, and how Carlos had strained to listen as the paramedics began to work on him.

And how, when he’d heard those final words, his world had come crashing down.

“I’m calling it. McRae, radio it in to the ME’s office.”

*

This isn’t happening.

Carlos cannot be sitting in his parents’ backyard, at his fiancé’s wake, in the same place and wearing the same suit that he was supposed to be getting married in a month from now.

He—

Fuck.

Carlos presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and curls in on himself, barely suppressing a moan of agony at the pain in his chest. He’s distantly aware of everyone’s gazes on him, but he can’t stop this tidal wave of emotion anymore than he can turn back time and change the fact that TK is dead and that Carlos failed him.

TK died all alone, and Carlos didn’t get the chance to say goodbye or tell him that he loved him. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak at the funeral—the one thing, the last thing he could do for the love of his life.

Instead, when it was his turn to speak, he’d been frozen in his chair, eyes locked on the coffin—(and, fuck, TK was in there, that was TK, fuckfuckfuck)—and Judd had had to take over.

Carlos hadn’t heard a word he'd said, though he’s sure it was beautiful, and everything that TK deserved.

Everything that Carlos couldn’t give him.

He failed him, he failed, he—

“No,” a hushed voice says, warm arms pulling him into a tight hug, and Carlos must have been talking aloud without realising because the voice keeps reassuring him. “You didn’t fail, sweetheart, you didn’t, I promise. You were there for him at the end and that’s all that matters; that he wasn’t alone when it happened. I know it hurts but it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.”

Carlos tenses, wanting to scream at whoever’s holding him because how could anything possibly be okay? But when he pulls out of their grip, he sees that it’s Gwyn, her eyes red and cheeks tear-stained, and all Carlos can do is fall apart in his not-quite-mother-in-law’s arms.

She keeps whispering that it’s okay, and Carlos knows that it’s as much for her own benefit as for his.

*

“Hey sweetheart,” Carlos whispers, getting out of his car and leaning against the closed door. He always comes here when he wants to remember TK; it is where they said goodbye to him after all. And it’s the place where they had so many important moments—it’s where they became official, and where they finally spoke openly and completely with each other for the first time, and where they got engaged.

It’s their place, ridiculous as it might sound.

“Remember that night?” he asks, even now feeling a little self-conscious talking to the air. “I made you a picnic and we came out here to eat it and you somehow managed to get chocolate on your nose from the chocolate-covered strawberries.” Carlos chuckles, then sighs wistfully. “You were so beautiful. I had this whole plan to propose to you, but one look at your face and that damn bit of chocolate and I forgot the entire thing.

“I just blurted it out, right there and then. ‘Marry me, Tyler Kennedy’, and you said yes, and it was perfect.”

He blinks furiously, tears beginning to blur his vision. “I thought… But it was too perfect, I guess. Perfect things never last, and since I was never going to leave you, the universe forced you to leave me.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. It’s nothing you don’t already know, and I’m not sure if I even believe that you can hear me. I never used to, back when we were together, but things change when suddenly the one who’s gone is someone you love. I’d give anything, Ty, anything to talk to you again, so I’m here.

“You know… Just in case.”

His hands tremble and he swallows reflexively against the pain and grief crawling up his throat. He reaches inside the car through the window and grabs the bouquet of flowers he brought with him off the passenger seat.

It’s the same one he always brings whenever he comes out here—red camellias, hydrangeas, blue salvias, and forget-me-nots—all flowers that have meaning to them and their relationship. Hydrangeas for understanding; it had been the first flower TK had given him, his way of saying thanks for sticking around even after their disastrous beginnings.

The camellia, Carlos had gifted TK one anniversary. It means ‘you’re a flame in my heart’, which TK always was, always, and Carlos had found it a little funny too, given TK’s background. TK had loved it, and had made sure to tell Carlos in as many ways as he could think of that he felt the same.

The salvias were something they both did, often and at random, sometimes with no particular reason. Just whenever they wanted each other to know they were thinking of them—though, that was something they knew anyway.

Carlos had added the forget-me-nots himself after… After it had happened. It’s a reassurance, both to him and to TK, that he’s not forgetting; that he never will.

That he can’t, even now, three years down the line.

On shaky legs, he walks over to the tree a little distance away, laying the bouquet between the roots almost reverently. Carlos stares down at them long after he’s straightened back up, leaning against the tree, and he allows the memories and the pain to overwhelm him for a moment.

“Can you believe it’s been three years?” he asks the empty air, shaking his head. “I swear, I still miss you like it was yesterday; it doesn’t seem real that I haven’t seen you or kissed you or heard your voice in three whole years.

“I’m going to see your dad later. He’s… He’s doing okay, all things considered. He misses you—we all do—but I think he tries to hide it, like he has to be the strong one for everyone else. Don’t worry though, Ty, we’re looking after him. Making sure he doesn’t, you know. Do anything stupid.

“Your mom helps out a lot too, her and Enzo and Isaac. God, TK you’d be so proud of Isaac now—he’s started school, making loads of friends, and he’s just… He’s such a good kid. I wish you could see him; he was so young when you— You’d be amazed at how big he’s getting. And, hey, we’re making sure that he knows who his big brother was, so...so don’t worry about that either.”

Carlos hesitates before continuing; it feels weird to talk about Domenic here. He doesn’t need to, he knows—technically, there’s nothing even going on between them, though Carlos couldn’t deny how good it had felt when Domenic had hugged him when they parted ways after coffee. But there’s been a weird lump of guilt sitting in his stomach since that first date at the bar, and Carlos figures that TK deserves to know about it.

Even if he’s three years dead and probably can’t hear any of this.

“I met someone, you know,” he says, trying to keep his tone light. “It’s not like that, we’re just friends, but I think… I think maybe it could be like that? Maybe? I don’t know, Ty. I thought I’d never be able to love anyone in that way ever again, but Domenic is so kind and sweet and he makes me wonder if there’s a chance.

“I’m terrified. It’s—It’s stupid and selfish, but I’m so scared of getting hurt again, of having to go through what I went through with you again. Not that I blame you for the accident, it’s just… I can’t do it again. I can’t.

“God, even considering this feels like I’m betraying you. I do hate you a little for that; you still own so much of my heart and I’m never getting it back, whereas all I have of you are your hoodies and your mugs and that goddamn stuffed bear. Why did you have to go and ruin me like that, huh? Why, TK?”

He’s almost shouting now, but the question fades unanswered into the air, and Carlos’s anger vanishes with it. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t hate you. I love you so much, and I always will, but I think maybe it’s time for me to let some of that go. I can’t carry on like this for much longer; you understand that, right?”

And maybe he’s imagining it, or maybe it’s just a coincidence, but the breeze picks up a little then, gently ruffling Carlos’s curls, and it feels like… It feels like peace.

He closes his eyes, and for a moment, it’s like he can feel TK there, like he never left at all.

I know, it feels like, his voice ringing loud and clear in Carlos’s head. I love you.

“I love you, too,” Carlos whispers, opening his eyes. TK isn’t there, of course, but, somehow, he doesn’t feel so empty anymore.

Then, with one final glance at the flowers, Carlos turns and walks away, his heart feeling lighter than it has in three years.

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[huahsu]

YEAR OF WHAT HAPPENS ON EARTH STAYS ON EARTH

[longer version of what I contributed to the new yorker’s year-end package. you can read that here, and listen to the accompanying megamix the video team made! links to previous year’s lists at bottom.] I did not grow up going to church, and I am not a particularly religious person. A few days after the inauguration, I wandered into a nearby church and took a seat in the back pews. I’d gone there right after the election. There was some time for anyone with anything on their mind to stand up and speak. If you need others to pray for you, just let us know. A middle-aged black man in a leather jacket got up and began telling us about an argument he was having with a friend on Facebook. It was about the election, but it was actually about the intractability of racism. He was getting frustrated while describing it to us, in part because he seemed to value being the cool and level-headed one. Plus he was describing the kind of argument millions of people were having on the Internet. “I just hope he finds peace,” the guy said. He paused, then put his hands on his chest. “On a lighter note, today would have been Jimi Hendrix’s seventy-fourth birthday.” He opened up his leather jacket to show everyone his Hendrix t-shirt. “I just wanted to say that, because he was just awesome.” So I returned here, the day after marching through Manhattan with a poster that said “HOLD ON, BE STRONG.” I needed to be in a room that was powered by something other than hate--to be reminded of vision and purpose, even if they weren’t mine to claim. To listen to wisdom gleaned from a book I’ve never read, and pick and choose what I wanted. To hear others pour themselves into songs I never, ever sing along to. I wanted to steal their vibes.  Instead of a hymn, they passed out small pieces of paper with the lyrics of John Lennon’s “Imagine.” This is not the type of church people come to for the music. The pianist started playing, and I remember thinking about how it felt like magic when I learned how to play those chords as a kid. I couldn’t believe we were doing this. We sang, tentatively at first, as though we could not believe these words in this space. Picture it: singing of “no heaven” and “no religion, too,” with humility and hope, inside a house of worship. It was like an admission that faith was inadequate. All we had was one another. “Imagine” is a song I’ve heard millions of times, the type of song that is so ubiquitous that we rarely bother scrutinizing its words, its vantage point, the possibility that someone wrote these words because he actually believed them. I sang along with a room of strangers, and we looked at one another, and, for the first time in months, I began to cry.   TWO LYRICS THAT REMINDED ME OF POLITICS EVEN IF THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITICS "Wrote this shit January 21″ “Take me back to November / Take me back to November” “I’M AN ANGRY TEENAGER” Novelist, “Street Politician” ONCE THEY START, I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE END Jim O’Rourke’s recently unearthed cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” Kanye’s sitcom-length remix of “Bed” THURSDAY NIGHTS ON NBC Ross from Friends’ very Madchester guitar-y Boiler Room set DJ Seinfeld, Time Spent Away from U Nino Man, Jadakiss and Styles P, “Friends”

IN ANOTHER YEAR FULL OF NIRVANA/KURT COBAIN REFERENCES (DID YOU SEE JAY:Z’S JACKET?) MY FAVORITE SONG, PROBABLY: this Trippie Redd snippet

SOME VERSIONS OF THE NINETIES THAT WILL NEVER COME BACK THE WAY GRUNGE ENNUI HAS, BUT WERE SO POSSIBILITY-RICH TO ME BACK THEN Kicking Giant, This Being the Ballad of Kicking Giant, Halo: NYC/Olympia 1989-1993 Helium, The Dirt of Luck/The Magic City LIKE MANY WHO LOVED “A STORM IN HEAVEN,” I OVERLOOKED THEM AT THE TIME Acetone, 1992-2001 A REALLY GOOD BOOK ABOUT ACETONE, LOS ANGELES, DREAMS OF GREATNESS Sam Sweet, Hadley Lee Lightcap WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS IN 1994, 2002 OR 2017 Big Thief, Capacity CREDIBLE AND DOPE EARLY NINETIES R&B HOMAGE, SAX AND ALL Joyce Wrice, “Good Morning” SPEAKING OF THE NINETIES, LEECH MADE A MIXTAPE OF JUST THE FLOATY/DREAMY PARTS TAKEN FROM CLASSIC GOOD LOOKING/MOVING SHADOW SINGLES Leech, “Just the Liquid” FOR THE COMEDOWN, DARK-ASS STUFF ASSEMBLED EXCLUSIVELY FROM SLIPKNOT SAMPLES Croww, Prosthetics NOSTALGIA, ULTRA (UK GARAGE/BASSLINE EDITION) tqd, ukg SUMMERTIME ‘SECOND SUMMER OF LOVE’ VIBE Opus III, “It’s a Fine Day (Burt Fox remix)” UNEXPECTED BURIAL SUMMERTIME VIBES Monic, “Deep Summer (Burial remix)” NO REISSUE OR  tk ANNIVERSARY TIE-IN, JUST SOME OLD SONGS I RE/DISCOVERED THIS YEAR Active Minds, “Hobson’s Choice” El-B, “El-Brand” Kamal Abdul Alim, “Brotherhood” Spiritualized in Reykjavik  U2, “Numb (Soul Assassins remix)” U2, “Mysterious Ways (Massive Attack remix)”

SAME, BUT TAIWANESE INDIE ROCK EDITION Chocolate Tiger, “Piecing Together” REISSUES, OR: PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD AND SPACY#, OBSESSED WITH NATURAL BEAUTY## # Planetary Peace, Synthesis # Pauline Anna Strom, Trans-Millennia Music ## Pep Llopis, Poiemusia La Nau Dels Argonaut REISSUES, OR: WHEN I WAS A CHILD THERE WERE NO BETTER SONGS THAN THE ONES THAT PLAYED THROUGH TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE AND FOR SOME REASON THIS JOYOUS EP REMIND ME OF THAT SHEEN, THOSE HOOKS, THE PERFECT, THEATER-SIZED ECHO Om Alec Khaoli, Say You Love Me BEST ALBUM-LENGTH METAPHOR FOR THE CITY, ITS LIMITATIONS AND POSSIBILITIES Wiki, No Mountains In Manhattan SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE IT WAS DESCRIBED, JAMAICA VIA OUTER SPACE Equiknoxx, Colon Man I NEED TO GO OUT MORE Jex Opolis, “Mt. Belzoni” KH, “Question”

I LISTENED TO THIS ABOUT TEN TIMES, MY SENSE OF ENCHANTMENT GROWING AND GROWING EACH TIME, BEFORE REALIZING THERE WERE BARELY ANY DRUMS ON IT Mr. Mitch, Devout SERIOUSLY THE MR. MITCH ALBUM WAS REALLY MOVING AND FANTASTIC Mr. Mitch f/ Denai Moore, “Fate” CRAZY WISDOM MASTER Vince Staples, Big Fish Theory C’MON AND RAISE UP Rapsody f/ Kendrick, Lance Skiiwalker, “Power” SO ICEY Zomby, Mercury’s Rainbow ECHO PARTY Demen, Nektyr Evy Jane, “Give Me Love” THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST Vic Mensa, The Autobiography DUNGEON FAMILY, EVEN IN DARKNESS Earthgang f/ J.I.D., “Meditate” FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAY Lee Gamble, Mnestic Pressure Pessimist, s/t NOT SURE HOW THIS BECAME THE DIWALI OF 2017 BUT OKAY French Montana f/ Mariah, Rae Sremmurd, PNB Rock, Belly, Elephant Man, Vybz Kartel, J Balvin, NORE, Wizkid, “Unforgettable” HOW ARE THIS MANY PEOPLE ON A FOUR MINUTE SONG? GOOD VIDEO THOUGH A$AP Mob f/ A$AP Rocky, Playboi Carti, Quavo, Lil Uzi Vert and Frank Ocean, “RAF” I LIKE IT WHEN FERG’S VOICE GETS ALL NAGGY Ferg, “Plain Jane” METRO BOOMIN MADE A BEAT THAT REMINDED ME OF RADIOHEAD Post Malone f/ Quavo, “Congratulations” THE MARIACHI VERSION IS PRETTY SWEET Brian Imanuel, “How I surprised Post Malone with a mariachi band” ”IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR LYRICS, IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO CRY, IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO THINK ABOUT LIFE...” JonWayne, Rap Album Two CORNBALL PIANOS AND THEN THAT SYNTH DRAGS, AND THEN THE DRUMS KICK Tee Grizzley, “First Day Out” “BUT WILD/WITH MY MONOTONE STYLE” 21 Savage, “Bankroll” Kodak Black, “Candy Paint” Rich Chigga, “Glow Like Dat” ANNUAL SPOT RESERVED FOR LA MUSICA DE HARRY FRAUD French Montana f/ Pharrell, “Bring Dem Things” WHEN LAETITIA SAYS HER OWN NAME ON “EMBERS” Vagabon, Infinite Worlds WHEN JESSIE LEANS INTO THE WORD “FUCK” Jessie Reyez, “Figures” THAT LIGHT MISTING, THAT CASUAL SPRITZ OF SYNTHS Lanark Artefax, “Touch Absence” A GOOD ANTI-DJT THING THAT CAME OUT EARLY THIS YEAR, WHICH FEELS LIKE EONS AGO Lushlife + friends, My Idols are Dead + My Enemies are in Power THE BABY, THE FLUTES, PIERRE’S OBNOXIOUSLY LONG TAG, THE JESSE LINGARD DANCE Playboi Carti, “Magnolia” ILLEST SHIT I SAW THIS YEAR, BABY-RELATED A child at a restaurant watching an iPad and an iPhone at the same damn time “[FREE] PLAYBOI CARTI TYPE BEAT” YBN Nahmir, “Rubbin off the Paint” GUNS N ROSES, BEFORE ONE OF THE WEIRDEST BEEFS OF THE YEAR Trippie Redd f/ 6IX9INE, “POLES1469″ SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU CAN SING, AND DO IT WITH CONVICTION, AND I WILL LISTEN Trippie Redd, “Rack City/Love Scars 2″ ALL THE BACKGROUND NOISE/ECHOED-OUT ADLIBS MAKE THIS BlocBoy JB, “No Chorus Pt 10″ SMERZ HAS FUN DESPITE THE AWKWARD OF IT ALL Smerz on NTS IT SEEMS REALLY EASY TO MAKE A GOOD-SOUNDING SONG THESE DAYS Global Dan, “Off White” OF ALL THE DOPE SHIT THAT FUTURE APPEARED ON THIS YEAR, THE MOMENT I WILL REMEMBER IS That tiny pause before he sings “I need fresh air,” when he seems happy and content IS THAT A GEORGE MICHAEL SAMPLE? Mozzy, “Prayed for This” THE FIX C Struggs, “Go to Jesus” "IT’S COOL, BUT IT’S NOT...END ZONE” Lil Uzi Vert, “XO TOUR Llif3″ AN ALBUM BOOKENDED BY TOTALLY DIFFERENT KINDS OF COLIN KAEPERNICK/TAKE A KNEE REFERENCES Miguel, War and Leisure IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR Brockhampton, Saturation I-III SZA, Ctrl SPEAKING OF SZA: WHAT A GREAT TITLE, BESIDES IT BEING ONE OF MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF THE YEAR Kingdom, Tears in the Club THE KELELA ALBUM WAS LOVELY, AS ARE THESE Kelela x Bok Bok, Dub Me Apart A RANDOM YOUTUBE COVER THAT I ALSO LIKED, BECAUSE IT CAPTURED HOW MELODIC THE ORIGINAL ACTUALLY IS Kathleen Nguyen covering Kendrick and Zacari’s “Love.” DAMN. WAS GOOD Almost as good as “The Heart Part 4″ LIKE A DE LA SOUL ALBUM, SOMETHING THAT I KNOW I WILL CONTINUE ENJOYING/UNDERSTANDING ANEW FOR YEARS TO COME Tyler, the Creator, Flower Boy ”BLONDED RADIO” MADE ME JOIN APPLE MUSIC Frank Ocean, “Chanel” Frank Ocean, “Biking (solo)” Tyler and Frank, “Where This Flower Blooms” MACH HOMMY MAKES GOOD MUSIC THAT’S HARD TO ACCESS “x Earl Sweatshirt” EP ty Soundcloud IT’S A WEIRD TIME B/W THIS BEAT IS SO DEMENTED Tay-K, “The Race” PROBABLY MY FAVORITE PHARRELL BEAT Kap G f/ Pharrell, “Icha Gicha” MAYBE THE GREATEST MUSIC EVER MADE, REISSUED Pharoah Sanders

REMINDED ME OF PHAROAH, WHEN IT WASN’T REMINDING ME OF BON IVER Joseph Shabason, Aytche AND I ENJOYED AYTCHE FOR SIMILAR REASONS I LIKED ZONING OUT TO Tom Rogerson and Brian Eno, Finding Shore ANNUAL SLOT RESERVED FOR MUSIC I LOVED THAT FEATURED HARP Alice Coltrane, World Spirituality Classics Vol 1

SAME, BUT FOR HARP STUFF THAT ALSO SHOUTS OUT WAWA Mary Lattimore, Collected Pieces ANNUAL SLOT RESERVED FOR TASTEFUL VIBRAPHONE Jenifa Mayanja, “Warrior Strutt” YOU TRYING TO GET THE PIPE, TO PLAY IT, OF COURSE, AS PART OF AN EXPERIMENTAL COMPOSITION? Mary Jane Leach, Pipe Dreams THERE’S A MOMENT DURING THAT BAD BOY DOCUMENTARY CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP WHERE IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT EVERYONE WHO WORKS CLOSELY WITH DIDDY EVENTUALLY TURNS TO GOD, AND IT WAS LIKE THE STRANGE OBVERSE OF Jay Z et al, 4:44 footnotes 2016, BUT I SAT IN THE MET BREUER AND WATCHED THIS OVER AND OVER FOR ABOUT AN HOUR Arthur Jafa, “Love is the Message, The Message is Death” I WANT TO WATCH THE FULL FOUR HOURS OF THIS Dev Hynes talking to Philip Glass TRICKSTERY BUT KINDA MESMERIZING! Klein, Tommy Lolina, Lolita EP Hype Williams, Rainbow Edition “NOT ANOTHER GOT MORE SEOUL, UNLESS YOU KOREAN” (CHILLWAVE REMIX) Mogwaa, Deja Vu “THE TING GOES SKRRRAHH, PAP, PAP, KA-KA-KA/SKIDIKI-PAP-PAP, AND A PU-PU-PUDRRRR-BOOM/SKYA, DU-DU-KU-KU-DUN-DUN/POOM, POOM, YOU DON’ KNOW” Big Shaq, “Mans Not Hot” IBID., BUT “PERKY” Drake, More Life I WANTED TO LIKE THE WIZKID ALBUM MORE, BUT THIS WAS AWESOME Tiwa Savage f/ Wizkid and Spellz, “Ma Lo” LISTENED TO THIS QUITE A FEW TIMES SIMPLY BECAUSE ”BREAKING NEWS: WILD GOAT ON THE LOOSE” IS A WEIRD LINE Lancey Foux f/ AJ Tracey, Kojey Radical and Jevon, “Wild Goat” UNITED TIL I DIE BUT AJ TRACEY’S TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR KIT LAUNCH FREESTYLE HAD ME BUZZZZZZIN AJ Tracey, “False 9″ DIFFERENT TIME OF DAY, KINDA LEFT ME SPEECHLESS Grouper, “Children” Colleen, A Flame my love, a frequency Kara Lis Coverdale, Grafts Ryuichi Sakamoto, async LEFT RYUICHI SAKAMOTO ENVIOUS Metaphors: Selected Soundworks from the Cinema of Apichatpong Weerasethakul FROM OMNI TRIO TO THIS, A PRETTY VISIONARY CAREER Robert Haigh, Creatures of the Deep A SONG THAT FEATURED TWO PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE PRETTY BIG IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF YEARS DJDS f/ Amber Mark and Marco McKinnis, “Trees on Fire” LIKE, THIS IS GREAT Amber Mark, “Lose My Cool” AWESOME YEAR FOR POTIONS Social Lovers, “Drop Me a Line” Boss, “Song for Gods” WHISKED ME BACK TO MEMORIES OF the enormous room Joakim, “Samurai” Calvin Harris f/ Frank Ocean and Migos, “Slide” Amp Fiddler, “I’m Feeling You” Chaos in the CBD, Accidental Meetings LIKE FALLING ASLEEP ON THE SUBWAY, OR A TRUCK HITTING A POTHOLE AND SPITTING OUT A RECORD COLLECTION, OR HEARING A NANOSECOND OF BRAND NUBIAN THROUGH SOMEONE’S HEADPHONES AS YOU PASS THEM ON THE STREET, IT’S A VIBE Standing on the Corner, Red Burns MIKE’S A SAVIOR Mike 1. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME THIS YEAR THINKING ABOUT THE STRENGTH, ELASTICITY, FRAGILITY, GRAIN OF THE HUMAN VOICE AND SOME OF THIS WAS TOTALLY NECESSARY AND SUBLIME Deep Throat Choir, Be Ok Diamanda Galas, All the Way Moses Sumney, Aromanticism 2. SO ACHINGLY GOOD AND INTIMATE, ESPECIALLY THAT FAINT CROAK IN THE FIRST CHORUS Rostam f/ Kelly Zutrau, “Half-Light” 3. OF COURSE THESE WORLD-MAKERS TOO Bjork, Utopia Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith, The Kid Valerie June, “Astral Plane” 3a. A STRANGE PROPOSITION THAT I ENDED UP ADORING KAS covering Sade’s "By Your Side" THE BAY AREA IS JUST DIFFERENT Droop-E, Trillionaire Thoughts Lil B, Black Ken THE “BUILD YOU UP” VIDEO WAS FUN AND ALL BUT I’M REALLY GLAD THIS WASN’T THAT Kamiayah, Before I Wake THE BAY TO L.A. AND BACK AGAIN Mozzy f/ G Perico, “Blammatory” G Perico f/ Mozzy, “What’s Real” GYEAH MC Eiht, Which Way Iz West OUTRUN THE BEAT SOB x RBE, “Lane Changing 2″ BANDS THAT ALWAYS SOUND LIKE THEMSELVES, IN WAYS THAT I FIND COMFORTING the xx, I See You King Krule, The Ooz SAME AS ABOVE, MIDDLE-AGED DIVISION The Feelies, In Between Slowdive, “Star Roving” SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS LIKE NO ONE ELSE Jlin, Black Origami THE NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM Dreezy f/ 6LACK and Kodak Black, “Spar” I LOOKED UP EACH TIME THIS CAME ON THE SHUFFLE Shanti Celeste, “Loop One/Selector”

PROBABLY MY FAVORITE SONG GoldLink f/ Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy, “Crew” OR MAYBE Jorja Smith x Preditah, “On My Mind” THIS WAS SICK TOO GoldLink & Co. covering Outkast’s “Roses” MAYBE THE BEST SONG J Hus, “Did You See”

ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER YEAR WHERE MY FAVORITE RELEASE WAS PROBABLY FROM YAEJI, THE “GLASSES FOGGING UP” LINE WAS VERY RELATABLE Yaeji, EP2 THE SONG OF THE SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER   I MEAN, IT’S WAYNE’S WORLD, WE JUST LIVE IN IT ### SIKH DEVOTIONAL MUSIC :: 2016 SPOOKY BLACK :: 2015

[dearmyjimin]

Hey guys, this is GRACE (dearmyjimin), your resident Jungkook and Jimin stan. My blog has just hit it’s first-year anniversary and I wanted to start a series of yearly follow forever posts that serve as both a personal compilation of some fav graphics of my own (so that I can track how much I’ve grown as a designer), as well as to thank everyone who has helped me in one way or another. Each and every creation was made possible because of all the support I received. I wish to thank those who follow and support me, my lovely mutuals and friends who encourage me and all the blogs I follow for decorating my dash with amazing content. I am proud to be an ARMY and to stan 7 Kings who are the sources of inspiration behind my creations ♡

my mutuals - bolded ♡ - personal message under the cut

# - F

@97x95  | @acaracahehe ♡ | @aishjimin | @apgujeon | @artofennun | @ask-bts-stuff | @ask-joonie | @bangtannoonas | @bang-tan | @baobwi | @beui | @beuits | @bloominflowers | @booptae | @bwibelle | @bwink ♡ | @bwipsul | @bwiyomi | @chimcheroo | @chimchams | @chimchins | @chimilkeu | @comeherejimin ♡ | @cowjimin | @cyyphr | @deartaetae | @exolutelyx​ ♡ | @fhawn | @forjimin

G - L 

@gotjhope​ | @hobuing​ | @hohbi​ | @hoseokxx​ | @inkcassette​ | @jeongguk​ | @jeonheart | @jeonify​ | @jeonity ♡​ | @jeonsshi​ | @jiminrolls​ | @jimiyoong​ ♡ | @jinthebunny​ | @jjilljj​​ | @jjks​​ | @jpgtae​ | @junghope​ |  | @j-helpless​ | @j-cypher​ ♡ |  @kimdaily​ ♡ | @ktaebwi​ ♡ | @kthish​ ♡ | @kths​ | @kkumri​ | @kookiebuff​

M - R

@nerdjoonie​ | @nikkmonoxyls​ | @noranb​ | @maengion​ | @mangaetteok​ | @maja-sinika​ | @meitiandokaixin​ ♡ | @mewchim​ ♡ | @minblush​ ♡​ | @minpuffs​ | @mintsugakookies​ | @mintear​ | @park-jimizzle​ ♡​ | @pawjimin​​

S - Z 

@seonmuriya | @sosjimin ♡ | @sunbaejin | @sunshine-hobi | @sevenkookiejars ♡ |  @sweaterpawsjimin ♡ | @taeguk ♡ | @taebokkii | @taenekiii | @taevisual | @thumino | @tttaehyung | @wonkkyun | @yeoongi | @yoohnseok ♡ | @yoonem | @yoongles | @yoonseok ♡ | @yoongsins ♡ | @yoonmin | @war-of-hormoan | @wonpei | @vmiin

Personal Messages ♡ 

@acaracahehe + @sevenkookiejars + @meitiandokaixin // my bitches whom I know irl. Thanks for recognizing and supporting my passion for gfx and art. If it weren’t for you guys, I would not have gotten my graphic tablet and would not have started drawing chibis. Thank you guys ♡.

@bwink​ // Arden, my love. I can’t really remember how we became friends, but I am really happy and thankful that I managed to befriend you. You’re really cool, sweet and I love talking to you about anything and everything. Thanks for listening to me freak out about taekook, and for sending me random tk updates when I was away on my trip♡ . 

@comeherejimin​ // Cassie, my love. You’re one of my closest tumblr friends and I’m really happy to know you. I think we’ve confided in each other about a lot of issues that graphic designers struggle with and we relate really well with each other. Tbh, I’m really proud of your work and cannot stress enough about how talented you are. I know it’s hard to not equate notes with success, but as what we’ve always discussed, your passion is more important than whether people reblog your posts or not. Also, I really appreciate how you keep encouraging me, no matter how busy you are. You’re a true friend and I wish I could reach out through the screen to hug you personally. But I can’t so I can only say thank you and ily bb, don’t ever stop believing in yourself ♡!

@exolutelyx // Samaly, my love. Our history dates back all the way when I was still ass-deep in the exo fandom. You are one of the closest friends that tumblr gave me and I’m still very thankful that we were able to meet up in Singapore. Thank you for believing in me, and for being a huge supporter of my fics. Back then when you told me how much you loved ‘A Heart’s Worth’, it comforted me and encouraged me to write better. Also, thank you for entrusting me with all your problems as like how I entrust you with mine. Come to Singapore again and let’s hang out ^^♡.

@jeonity // Aly, my dear. I really can’t remember how we became friends, but I am just really glad that we are. I really enjoy talking to you on tumblr, how we just randomly throw shit from WINGS tour, to taekook, to FMVs etc. Thanks for listening to me rant when shit happens and for understanding my end of the story unlike others. I love all your quality gifs, keep up the good work ♡.

@j-cypher // Alice, alice, alice. You’re possibly the earliest friend I made on tumblr. Back then when I first posted my ryan rapmon art and squealed at what you wrote in your tags, I couldn’t even believe that we managed to become friends. I’m really thankful for your beautiful presence, how kind you are and how genuine you are. Thank you for replying all my asks so sincerely. I remember waking up to such long replies and I just thought that I found a special flower whom I would really love to befriend. Thank you, also, for entrusting me with your problems and struggles in university. I hope whatever advice I offered helped, and that your university years will be full of nothing but joy and happiness. Thank you for supporting my art, even when no one else did. You’re really special to me and I don’t always say this, but I love you aliceu ♡ thank you bb, for all your support ♡. 

@jimiyoong​ // Doris, my love. You are one of the very first few blogs who followed me - a potato account that posts random gfxs from time to time. I cannot express how thankful I am, for all your support. With each reblog, you help my blog grow to what it is today. I’m glad to have a friend like you, whom I can scream about yoonmin or just talk about random shit. I’m also really grateful that you’d alert me about reposters on twitter. You didn’t need to do it, but you do and I just don’t know what I did to deserve you as a friend. You’re amazing bb ♡.

@kimdaily // Sabbie. You’re one of the coolest Armys I have come to know and I really look up to you as a role model. You’re really chic, cool and most importantly, kind. Thank you for helping me QC namjoon’s coloured scans. Without your help, I would not have gotten his skin colour right. Thank you, also, for using the edit I did for you on your blog’s anniversary. I was really surprised and was just really emo that you’d used it. Thank you ;~; You’re an amazing Namjoon stan and I hope you’ll get to meet him one day for coffee ^^ ♡.

@ktaebwi // Rin my dear, you’re my #1 passion-fruit-green-tea homie (yeah man)! I have a lot of things to thank you for, and the one I’m the most grateful for, was that time you helped me reblog a call-out post of this blogger who reuploaded my gfx without my permission. At that time, we weren’t mutuals and I was just surprised that you’d extend help to me (some random noobie potato plant). At that moment, the first thing that came to my mind was, “she’s so kind to help me, what did I do to deserve her help?” and that’s probably the reason why I love you, your blog and look up to you as a fellow ARMY. Thank you for your neverending patience when I scream about taekook (I tend to get carried away) and for recommending me so many lovely fics. I think you’re someone who’s really good with information, languages and the way you comprehend situations in a matured manner makes me proud to be your friend. Translating and doing gifs are hard, and you often meet cheaters and reposters, nonetheless, thank you for your hard work and the fandom is really lucky to have you ♡.

@kthish // Alex, my dear. You’re one of the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person I’ve ever come to know, do you know that? You’re really encouraging and you always send me such lovely praises for my gfx that leave me blushing and squirming all the way across the globe. Thank you love, for believing in me when I don’t believe in myself. I’m really thankful to have you as a friend and enjoy those little moments when you’d send me art, gifs etc on tumblr that just make my day brighter and happier. Thank you love, you deserve nothing but the best. Thank you for your HQ gifs and for sharing your talent with the fandom ♡.

@mewchim // Jenny, my love. idk if I have said this enough, but you’re really one of the best graphic designers I have ever come to know on tumblr. I always say this in my tags, that if you’d give me any section or corner or inch of your work, I can tell, right away, that it’s done by you. You have this amazing unique style that no one else can replicate. I get really blushie and emo whenever you reblog my stuff and add praises. You’re like a gfx designer role model to me and whenever you praise me, I get so happy my heart soars. Thank you, love, for all your support and your encouragement. I gain inspiration from your work and will never stop harping about how much I adore you and your designs. Keep up the good work. I will always support you ♡.

@minblush // Zuzu. I think I have a whole long list of things to thank you for, even if we don’t speak to each other frequently. When I first followed you, back when I wasn’t even dearmyjimin yet, I thought you are really admirable. You aren’t afraid to speak up about issues and be firm about opinions. That’s something that I can never do, and I find strength in the way you carry yourself as a jimin-stan, how you defend him better than anyone else can. Thank you for always speaking up about jimin stereotypes that aren’t true, for educating all of us even if some can’t take your words well. I get really upset when I see people argue with you, esp when they misunderstand you. Also, thank you for being with me throughout the time I had to deal with you-know-who reposting my jimin coloured scans on twitter + coming at me at full force. Thank you for giving me advice on how to deal with the situation and for listening to me. I ain’t lying when I said that I really look up to you and respect you. Thank you so much ;~; ♡.

@park-jimizzle // Steph, my love. You’re one of my favourite jimin blogs! I get really happy whenever I see your gifsets on my dash, and just marvel at how much time and effort you put into those gifsets. Thank you so much, for contributing to the fandom and for giving us such HQ gifs. Thank you for tagging me in all sorts of jimin and vmin posts, they make me really happy and they brighten up my day so much. I’m glad that I can talk to you about random stuff, from bts to just everyday life. Thank you for listening to me and for chatting with me. You’re amazing, bb ♡.

@sosjimin // Bia, my love. You’re really one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever known. You’re a living embodiment of a goddess. You’re gorgeous, pretty, kind, sweet, understanding and just really hilarious sometimes (yes, I read your tweets and wonder why am I your mutual) :D You’re amazing bb. Thank you for sharing your HQ gifsets with the fandom and for sending me words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. You’re really easy to talk to and I know that I can scream at you about anything and everything. Thank you for loving Minjoon along with me♡. 

@sweaterpawsjimin // Whitney, my dear. The first time I started speaking to you, was last year, before the MAMA awards. Back then, I wasn’t even dearmyjimin yet, and i used to send you asks about my love for jimin, and you’d reply them so patiently. Thank you for answering them, and for listening to me gush about Jimin. My impression of you was just this selfless, patient and cool ARMY who was so damn good at making HQ gifs. Thank you for reaching out to me on twitter to talk about you-know-who reposting gifs and other people’s creations. I’m sorry that you have to deal with those people, and I’m actually really glad to see the watermarks you place on your gifs these days. Still, I’m glad for all the advice you offered me and thankful that you listened to me rant. I don’t know how we became friends, but I am glad that we did. Even if we don’t talk very often, I will support you and your blog, regardless of the direction that you wish to take. Thank you for being that amazing Jimin stan that I can look up to. Ily♡! 

@taeguk // Alicia, my love. You’re one of the sweetest girls i’ve come to know. Thank you for helping me with my taehyung and jungkook coloured scans. Without your help, I wouldn’t have been able to get their skin colours right. Also, thank you for listening to me rant when I complain about how heartbroken I get when people reupload my original creations. And you gave me a very important piece of advice that: reposters are everywhere, but what they can’t steal is the passion I hold for creating. That really kicked some sense into me and even if I get really sour about people resposting my stuff, I try to remember what you said and push myself to focus on the moment and ignore everything else that is weighing me down. Thank you for all the support and encouragement you gave me. With every reblog you made, you helped my blog grow and I’m immensely grateful for that. Thank you bb. Ily ♡.

@yoohnseok // Corey, my love. I don’t know what I did in my past life to get you as a friend, but I’m really glad that I did. You’re really one of the most approachable, loveliest ARMYs I have come to know. You take whatever shit I have, and reply my texts with all your positivity. I can’t ever forget our first kakaotalk call. I felt so flustered speaking to you, from across the globe and just can’t believe that it’s you whom I was talking to. I really love your passion for graphic designing and I remember scrolling through your gfx tag and just marvelling at your creations. Keep up the good work Corey♡. ily! 

@yoonseok // Kat, my dear. I think I can never forget the day that I plucked up the courage to speak to you. Back then when you were still syubprince and I was 95zlinez, I remember sending you a message and asking if you could do me a favour to delete what you reblogged and to reblog my edited version (cause I made some dumb error in my edit). What struck me the most was that you kindly extended the favour and even added that you liked my graphic. I think when I read your message, I had a mini mental breakdown because I looked up to you a lot (still do) and was so jittery because someone whom I respected a lot told me she liked my graphic. It was an amazing experience that I cannot forget. You were also one of the blogs that helped me grow as a designer/ artist and I cannot express how thankful I am. I don’t think I could have gotten where I am now, if you weren’t there to support me in the first place. Thank you so much♡.

@yoongsins // Jess, my love. Personally, you’re the best graphic designer that I’ve come to know. I think I’ve told you many times before, back then when I wasn’t dearmyjimin yet. Even until now, I mean every word I say, that you’re a source of inspiration to me. I’d go through your graphics tag and just be in awe with the way you design, how you challenge new styles and new perspectives. It’s something really admirable, something that I can’t ever do, and that’s the reason why I look up to you a lot. The fandom is really lucky to have you, not only for your lovely creations, but the way you inject positivity and hope in your replies. You’re also one of the earliest blogs that helped me grow as a designer. If it weren’t for your support, I doubt I could have made it this far. Thank you so much♡. 

[raybansandcoffee]

In the Heat of Los Angeles - Chapter Twenty: Shape of You (Ed Sheeran)

If you need to catch up on any of the previous nineteen chapters you can find them HERE.

“Have a good day at work,” Harry said. He had been in the kitchen when I came downstairs this morning after I’d gotten dressed. He’d convinced me to run on the treadmill at his house instead of getting up and going into the gym. I needed to be ready to walk into the office and leave for a meeting as soon as we got there. Pops had let me know he had our meeting with Marty scheduled so that I could get the legal process of shutting down the gossip blogs’ story rolling. Harry talked me into burning the anxious energy before getting in the car this morning. Plus it meant I was getting ready this morning without the distraction of the three other parts of my daily life asking questions about how yesterday with Pops and Jessica went.

“Thanks babe.” My heels clicked across the floor as I walked towards him. He handed me the smoothie he’d made me before bending down to kiss me. My hand rested on his bare chest, still warm and a bit sweaty from his workout.

“Call me after your meeting to let me know how it went. Okay?”

“I will. Thanks for breakfast.”

“I wish I had time to make you actual breakfast instead of just a smoothie but I’ll do what I can.” He smiled and I felt my stomach somersault. God he was hot. I wasn't ever going to get used to it. He leaned in for another kiss, his hand sliding down to my ass. “You do really wear a suit well.”

“Thanks. I always feel like I need to wear one when I meet with lawyers. Though this is perhaps a bit sexier than Marty is used to seeing.” My suit was skinny black pants, a black jacket and a black shirt that was slightly low cut. With a pair of stilettos I felt like I could rule the world in, I was ready to take on my day which I knew would be far from easy.

“It’s gonna be a great day. Do you want me to go to the meeting with you and James?”

“No, I want you to work on your stuff. Start prepping for meetings. Get yourself ready to pitch what your album will sound like. Work on what you want it to sound like. This shit today, the crappy part of our relationship, I can handle it. Plus I’ve got my Pops with me.”

“But this stuff is my fault.” He pulled me back into him, his arms wrapping around my body. I felt him start to twist the bottom of my hair in his hands. “If you weren’t with me you wouldn’t be facing this.” His face had this look I hadn’t seen. It was a mixture of sadness and guilt.

“You want to know something?” I asked. He nodded. “If I was told I needed to face a lifetime of being written about and followed by photographers because of you or a lifetime without you, I would pick the photographers and the terrible articles. Because the reality is, this shit can happen to me because of my job and I know that. It's happened before and would happen again even if I wasn’t with you. But being with you, makes it all worth it. You are worth all of this crap.” He bent down to kiss me and before I realized what was happening picked me up and sat me on the counter.

“You are worth it too. I love you so fuckin’ much.” His goofy smile was back, the dimples at least a mile deep.

“I love you so fuckin’ much too.” His hand slid up into my jacket pushing it off. "I'm supposed to be leaving for work. Traffic and everything.”

“I know you are but I don’t want to let you to. I just want a little me time.”

“You appear to want more than a little you time.” I pointed down at his boxer shorts which caused his laugh to become slightly uncomfortable and his cheeks to start to turn pink.

“You were the one begging for sex all weekend.”

“And you pointed out that sex wasn’t everything. Which I agree, it’s not. And on a Monday morning when I have a meeting with my father and legal team in an hour, it’s not even top five most important things.” He had started to move my shirt up but stopped to pout.

“So rude.”

“I know. Tonight. After dinner. We will have a little we time.” At that moment my phone started to vibrate on the counter. I picked it up, slid to answer the call. “This is Everlee.”

“Hey kiddo,” my father said. “Have you left yet?”

“I haven’t. My boyfriend is being slightly whiny and thinks he should be coming with to this meeting.”

“I actually think that’s a good idea, that’s what I was calling about. How about I pick you both up at your house and we can leave from there? You’ll have Sam drive you to dinner. Just makes sense to leave your car at home.”

“Okay. I’ll have Harry get ready and we will see you shortly.”

“Probably a half hour. Tell him to be quick.”

“I will, thanks Pops.” I hung up the phone. “Looks like you get to come to the meeting this morning. Pops thinks it makes sense to have you there. He also thinks that because we will have Sam drive us to dinner with Ed after I’m done at the office so I should just leave my car at home. I can have a driver bring you back here after the meeting or Pops and I can swing back and drop you off.”

“I need to shower. I smell disgusting,” he said.

“I know you do. So go shower. Pops says be quick.” He leaned forward and kissed me.

“Thank you for letting me come with."

“Thank my father. Now go get showered.” He kissed me again before taking off and running up the stairs. Watching his long limbs flail a bit made me laugh. I picked up my phone again sent a text to Eliza, Ty, and Kammi letting them know I’d be in the office later.

SME Squad ES: I’ll be in late today. TK: Morning quickie with your boytoy? ES: No, legal meeting. Though he’s tagging along. KM: What for? ES: Someone from my neuro's office sold a story to Celeb Weekly that included some of my private medical records. Pops thinks that H should be there with us when we talk to Marty and his team. KM: Shit. That’s rough. Jimmy thinks H should be there? ES: Yup. He’s part of this. ER: That’s true love, sitting through a meeting with Marty. I don’t even love you enough to do that. TK: Neither do I. KM: Even I don’t really like meetings with Marty. ES: None of us do. And this one is super unpleasant. I am likely going to have to go after not only the magazine but the neurology clinic. The fucking nurse sold my story and the shitty thing, she’s the reason I was a mess in that visit. She didn’t read my charts properly. And then the bitch sells the story without mentioning that she elevated my BP and nearly made me rip an IV out of my arm because she was too busy batting her eyelashes at my boyfriend. ER: It makes me wish he’d let me take you. There wouldn’t have been a story if it was me who took you. ES: It's okay something like this was bound to happen eventually and he’s worth it. If I have to deal with this crap every day and I get him it’s worth it. TK: E gettin’ all mushy. ES: I know it’s gross. OK, I’ll see you guys at some point. I have to pick Ed up at the airport at like 11 which means I’m pretty sure I’ve got two Brits on my hands all day or perhaps most of the week. Alright, time to head out to my meeting.

“You haven’t moved off of the counter,” Harry said as he walked down the stairs. His hair wet and starting to curl a bit.

“Yeah, texting with Kam, Ty and EJ. Letting them know I’d be late and that I have a sneaking suspicion I will have two British boys in my office all day.”

“It’s a possibility. You did mention that you were picking Ed up at the airport. I haven’t seen him in quite a while. But if you have actual work stuff to do I can find a way to keep myself busy.”

“Work stuff with Ed is usually difficult to accomplish. My father tends to weasel his way into the meetings and then I watch the two of them drink and get chummy while I try to make them work.”

“If you want to force Ed to work you can. If not I would love a day with my love and one of my best mates.” He leaned forward to kiss me. “I rather like you sitting on the counter. You’re much taller.” He grabbed my right left breast as I moaned against his lips. The gate buzzed. “That’s reality’s alarm reminding us it’s time to face the day.” I pouted at him causing him to return the pout before putting his hands on my waist and helping me off the counter. I grabbed my bags off of the floor, Harry had buzzed the gate. He opened the door.

“Let’s do this,” I said as I put my sunglasses on.

“Let’s do this.” He smiled before sliding his on and high-fiving me. We headed out to where my father’s car was now parked. Harry opened the front door for me and I climbed in.

“Good morning, Pops,” I greeted him.

“Good morning, kiddo.” He leaned forward to kiss my cheek. “Hey Harry, sorry about the late notice on having you come along.”

“It’s fine. I had suggested it to her and she said she had it handled.” “I did have it handled.”

“You always have it handled, kiddo. But sometimes you need to let people help you handle stuff, especially the big stuff.”

“Don’t even start back there,” I said as I held my hand up. I’d sensed Harry moving forward towards me as my father drove down the road.

“No, you have to listen to me.” I almost jumped a little at the tone of his voice. “We’ve talked about this. You are not doing this stuff alone anymore. This isn’t you against the world. I am here. I am going to stand by your side as you go through things, you don’t have to do this alone anymore. So just put on your big girl panties and deal with the fact that you’re stuck with me being supportive.”

“You’re the absolute worst.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I said it.

“Oh don’t I know it.”

“Boy am I glad I’m not the only person in this city who is here to put you in your place.” I glared at my father. Of course he would side with Harry. I was pretty sure I was going to always be alone in any disagreement because my entire family was bound to side with Harry. It wasn’t long before Pops parked the car at the office of the law firm we used. Marty handled all of the legal matters for the agency. He was an interesting guy, to put it nicely. We sat down in the waiting room of the firm and Harry reached for my hand. He squeezed it in his causing me to turn and look at him.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” I replied quietly. My smile grew as I looked at him, as he usually was he was in tight black jeans and a bright floral patterned silk shirt. He looked so cool and calm in comparison to me. I had a bouncing leg and fidgeting hands until he had grabbed one of them. I was confident in a board room. I was beyond confident pitching to or for a client. But when it came to dealing with shit in my own life, I was a mess. Legal matters were the ones I was the worst at dealing with. It wasn’t long before Marty’s secretary came to get us and led us down the hall to his office.

“James,” he said standing from his desk to shake my father’s hand.

“Hey Marty, how are you?”

“I’m great. Hello Everlee.” He shook my hand as well. He was a short man with short hair that was sort of fuzzy. He looked a bit weasle-like when you looked at him and thought about it, which I had over the years. He was a bit awkward socially but extremely good at what he did. He was usually in suits that looked a little too large for him, it sort of reminded me of a kid who was forced to wear a hand-me-down suit from their older brother.

“Hi Marty, thanks for meeting with us on such short notice I appreciate it a lot.”

“Anything for you.”

“This is my boyfriend, Harry. Harry this is Marty.”

“Nice to meet you,” Harry greeted as he stuck his hand out to shake Marty’s hand.

“You as well. Alright everyone, what brings you all in this morning,” he asked as we sat down on the couches in his office.

“Well, Harry and I have a bit of a problem when it comes to an article that was printed about us in gossip papers. One of the nurses at my doctor’s office appears to have sold a story to Celeb Weekly that detailed some of my personal medical information. I have no interest in going after publications that print stories about us, but this nurse released my private information.”

“Can you give me the contact information for your neurologist’s office?” Marty questioned. I nodded and he handed me a legal pad to write the information down on.

“She may not want to go after the publication, but I do,” my father interjected. “Celeb Weekly should’ve known better than to publish her private medical history and treatment plan. They knew what they were getting into when they did that. I want to go after them for that.”

“I agree with James.” Harry was speaking calmly, which was incredibly surprising considering he had been ranting about it all morning. The poor punching bag in his gym got a beating today. “While normally I’m on Everlee’s side about this and don’t want to go after individual publications about stories they print, I do in this circumstance. Its part of the territory with my career but this isn’t right. Everlee’s health is our business, not something that should be printed.” My health is our business? OUR business? Internally I was freaking out. Here he was again rambling on with these phrases that coupled us up all the time. I needed to stop the internal excited freak out in my mind because I was in the middle of a very important meeting. Evie Mae, take a deep breath. Calm the fuck down, girl.

“Everlee, if I go after the publication will you be on board with it?” Marty looked at me over his glasses. I really didn’t want to do it. It made me look weak to go after a publication but my father and Harry were right. They should’ve known not to publish private medical information. The only thing they could’ve done worse than what they did was include actual copies of the notes from my appointment.

“I have their support, so yes. In this case I am happy to go up to bat against the magazine for this. I want to show them that while I don’t care if someone prints a picture of us shopping in the grocery story or steals a photo from my Instagram, I do care if they purchase and print my medical records.”

“Then let’s get to it,” he said. Marty might visually look like a weasel but in a court room he was an absolute shark. He called in a junior partner to help with what we were doing. He was concerned that if it went to court he would need to have a team with him. The junior partner, Patrick, was the opposite of Marty. Young, handsome, and a well-fitted suit. He didn’t stumble over his words the way that Marty sometimes did and he carried himself like he knew he was better than most people he would go up against. I liked him already. He reminded me of myself when I walked into a negotiation or board room full of men who doubted my skills strictly based on the fact that I had boobs and wore heels.

“Well, I think you'll get pushback from the lawyers at Celeb Weekly but they should eventually settle and I’d imagine for a pretty penny,” Patrick said.

“It’s not about the money to me. I just want them to know not to do this to anyone else.”

“As do I,” Harry said agreeing with me.

“The money is just an added bonus,” Pops added. He was always worried about making sure I had money for things despite the fact that I had a well paying job and trust fund, but money had always been a worry of his. He was a father, it came with the territory.

“A definite added bonus,” Patrick said. “Part of what will make them never do this again is having to pay out a large settlement. They will know not to come after you two and think again before they do this to someone else.”

“Okay,” I replied. I was hesitant. I didn’t want to do this but I knew what the four men in this room were telling me was right. It wasn’t much longer and we were back in the morning sun and headed to the car. “So Harry are you going to just hang out at the office with me today?”

“If you are okay with it,” he said.

“It’s just Ed day so it should be fine. Just don’t get all jealous when I’ve got a list of like 8 billion people who want to work with him.”

“You can be a bitch sometimes, you know that?” I nodded. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know I am. Oh and Pops, any chance I can borrow the car? I need to pick Ed up at the airport this morning?”

“Not happening. Last time you borrowed one of my cars I got a speeding ticket in the mail. I’ll drop you off at your condo and you can get your own car. You’ve got enough. Or you can have Sam drive you to the airport to get him.”

“I pick Sam,” Harry said. “The LAX parking lot is obnoxious to drive in.”

“Fine. But when Ed gives me shit and tells me I’m becoming too Hollywood for not driving myself I’m blaming both of you.” Pops and Harry both laughed at me. They both knew Ed well enough to know that he would give me shit for not driving myself. Pops expertly navigated the busy streets of LA before pulling up to where our company valet came to get his car. It wasn’t often he used the valet to park his car, usually just to get it but we were coming into the office late. We got out of the car and Harry handed me my bag that had been in the backseat. He grabbed my hand as we walked into the building.

“You two headed upstairs right away?” Pops asked.

“No, I need coffee,” I replied. "Want me to grab you anything?”

“Yeah, grab me a double espresso and I will see you both upstairs.” Harry and I headed to the coffee shop and ordered all of the drinks before getting in the elevator and heading up. I sent a quick text to Sam to tell him to be ready shortly because I needed a ride. I stopped to drop Eliza’s normal mid-morning coffee on her desk, she looked up at me and smiled.

“Well hell froze over, E is in the office,” Eliza said. I flipped her off.

“You should be nice, I come with caffeine this morning.”

“You look hot in the pant suit,” she immediately replied before taking a drink of her coffee. I laughed as I walked over to Ty’s desk dropping his coffee off as well as Kammi’s.

“Take her coffee into her. We’ve got one for Jimmy too.”

“Oh of course send me in when she’s on a rampage,” Ty replied.

“What about?”

“Just getting close to the NFL draft. You know how she gets. She’s talking nervous clients and their extremely nervous parents through all of the potential things coming up. She’s bound to be stuck in there all day.”

“I’ll make sure to go in there in a little bit and free her from the phone.”

“Good plan,” Ty said. We continued across the hall and into my father’s office. He had taken his blazer off and had it hanging on the back of his chair with his feet up on the desk. He’d put his glasses on and was reading on his iPad.

“Your double espresso.” I placed the cup on his desk as he looked over his glasses at me and smiled.

“Have a seat you two,” Pops said gesturing to the two seats in front of his desk. Two seconds. That was the time it took for me to go from feeling like this morning had gone great to feeling like I’d just been called into the principal’s office. “You both did great this morning.”

“Thanks,” I replied. And there was the sigh of relief. We weren’t in trouble. We did both manage to act like adults in the meeting this morning. Something my father often knew was hard to get me to do, I didn’t enjoy doing serious well when it was about the shit that went on in my life. I was serious as could be in business meetings but this morning was uncomfortable which meant I would normally hide my anxiety about the situation with humor.

“I just want to be supportive of her. So whatever I can do I will do,” Harry said as he reached for my hand and laced our fingers together.

“Well, from this point forward it should just be Marty and Patrick handling things. They will do whatever they can to allow you both to live your normal lives.”

“Thank god,” I sighed out loud this time. “Well, I guess whatever our normal life is now.”

“The new normal,” Harry joked.

“Yes, your new normal. You both seem well prepared to take it on and I’m here for you for whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Pops,” I replied. “Now I need to go pick up the Ginger Kid.”

“Let me know when you’re back and I’ll come say hi. We are all on for lunch, right?”

“Of course, Harry and Ed have decided dinner is not business so lunch gets to be.” I stood up and looked to Harry who followed my lead. I quickly dropped my bags off in my office as I got the notification that Sam had arrived to pick us up. We headed back down to the lobby and got into the back of the car.

“Good morning, Miss Scarcello,” Sam said.

“Good morning, Sam,” I replied.

“What are we headed to LAX for?”

“We are picking up Ed Sheeran so it will be International Arrivals.”

“Alright.” He was out on the road and navigating through the city. I slid in the seat closer to Harry and rested my head on his shoulder.

“You tired?" he whispered in my ear. “A little bit.”

“You've been through a lot in the last few days. You’re allowed to be a little tired.”

“I know. I might just need another coffee when we get back. Or an IV of caffeine. Do you think I could convince someone to do that for me?”

“Probably not. I’m pretty sure it would stop your heart.”

“Do you need me to run through a Starbucks, Miss Scarcello?” Sam asked.

“No, we need to get to the airport.” Harry glanced down at his watch.

“We have time. Let’s get you another coffee.”

“Fine.”

“Sam, let’s go get some coffee,” Harry said.

“Okay, Mr. Styles,” he replied. I opened my phone and went to the app and clicked for my regular order.

“What do you want?” I asked Harry. I handed him the phone and he added his order to it. I clicked submit and leaned my head back against him. We pulled into the Starbucks parking lot and without a word Harry jumped out of the back of the car and headed into the coffee shop.

“Are you feeling better today, E?” Sam asked.

“I am, Sam. Thank you for asking. How was your weekend? Hell last few weeks, I’ve been gone too much. I miss out on all of our normal gossip.”

“It’s been great. I took a few days off with you out of town the last couple of weeks and then had a light but unusual schedule since I wasn’t driving you around to meetings.” Pops insisted that during the day I take Sam between meetings rather than drive myself. I think if he could convince me to not love cars he’d make me use a driver all of the time. But he knew I loved driving, it was something I had gotten to do so rarely growing up that I took every opportunity to drive. But sometimes, on days like today where I was tired and didn’t want to focus in LA traffic, let alone LAX, I really enjoyed that if I needed Sam he was there to drive me wherever I needed, plus it usually meant I could read through emails in traffic. It was also super helpful when we all decided to go out. Best way to avoid making headlines for doing something stupid was to have a driver that was loyal enough to pick me up anywhere in the city or in the rare case more than an hour outside of the city. Sam would come pick me up at the drop of a hat. He’d worked for my father for a long time, he started when he was 18 and was basically just hired to drive me around because I was only 15 at the time. Pops knew I didn’t need a nanny but he also knew that he couldn’t drive me to a lot of the activities I need.

“I'm glad you got some time off. How are things going with that new girl, the one I set you up with that is an assistant in my department?” I asked. I leaned forward to stick my head between the seats.

“Things are going well. We managed to have a weekend away while you were out of town. It was her roommate’s birthday so it was a group trip to Vegas. It was pretty fun.”

“She’s cute, I’m glad it’s working.”

“Me too. Thanks, E,” he said as the door opened and Harry climbed in.

“For you, love.” He handed me my coffee. “Sam, Evie snuck an order in for you too.” Harry handed a coffee forward.

“Thank you, Miss Scarcello.”

“Alright, Sam. You don’t have to call me Miss Scarcello in front of Harry. You called me E as soon as he was out of the car. We’ve been friends since we were kids, the formalities creep me out and you know it.”

“I do know it. It’s half the reason I do it. You turn from E to Evil as soon as I call you Miss Scarcello for too long.”

“How long have you known each other?” Harry asked. Sam had pulled away and was back on the road.

“I don’t know. Like 18 years.”

“I actually think it’s almost 20,” Sam responded.

“Well, Pops hired him when he was 18 to drive me around. I was 15 and didn’t have a license but needed to get to and from the office when I worked, to and from the mall when I wasn’t and driven around LA for just about everything imaginable. Even when I could drive Sam usually drove me because Pops was terrified for a while.”

“I basically drove she and Rachel around town to do whatever they wanted. And then Eliza and Kammi added to it when they were in town. Rough job at 18, driving a bunch of hot girls around town. I was who taught her how to drive in LA traffic though. Pretty sure her father wanted to fire me for that one.”

“You were only 18 when you started working for SME?”

“Yeah, my Dad has been Mr. Scarcello’s personal driver for a very long time, thus why we’ve known each other so long. We both often got stuck hanging around with our fathers while they worked. So when I was 18 he hired me to take care of E. He knew that I could deal with her smartassed attitude as well as she and her friends demanding that I drive them between every mall you could imagine.”

“Sounds like a fun job for a teenage boy,” Harry said. “Did you date her friends?”

“A few,” Sam responded laughing. “But for the most part they were too young when I was driving her, well until she got to college. Although she did set me up with my current girlfriend.”

“Really?” Harry raised an eyebrow as he looked at me.

“Yeah, she’s an assistant in my department. I thought they would work well together. Clearly, I was right, as I always am.”

“She’s also completely modest,” Sam replied. His sense of humor was sarcastic and dry which was part of why we’d gotten along so easily.

“Oh fuck off.” I flipped him off in the rearview mirror making him laugh.

“I like that I’m getting to see the real relationship you two have rather that the formal nonsense I’ve seen,” Harry said.

“Yeah, he always does that when I have people in the car with me because he's not sure how they will react to my driver calling me Evil.”

“You are Evil, most people would completely understand why I called you that. Especially if they work for you.” He leaned forward knowing I was going to try hitting him in the back of the head. “I would’ve stopped being so formal around you earlier but I wasn’t quite sure if I was supposed to treat you like her boyfriend or her client. And you’re still new in both of those relationships. Sometimes we get a bit mouthy with each other.”

“I am noticing that.” Harry laughed a bit uncomfortably. I knew I’d need to explain this relationship as soon as we were alone. Drew had disliked that Sam was my driver. He was determined that Sam and I were having an affair. Guess it was one of those situations where your actions in a relationship create the insecurities you have with your partner.

“Don’t worry, man. I’ve never been interested in your girl. She’s always basically been my obnoxious little sister. Now her little sister Rachel, I’m still disappointed she got away from me.” I started to laugh loudly.

“Rachel was never going to date you. She and Luke have been together since they were practically babies. Shit speaking of babies I need to text her. We are supposed to be getting together. I’m a terrible sister.”

“You’re calling her your sister, you said you saw her as a friend.”

“I said that on our first date. I wasn’t sure I was overly interested in getting into the fucked up history of my life with step-parents, step-siblings, and the fake families that were created because my father is a bit of a manwhore. Rachel and I still are like family though.”

“So send her a text and make plans with her. Maybe we can double date before we leave for England so I can get to know her too.”

“Maybe.” I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text.

Message to Rachel Shepard ES: What is your schedule like tomorrow? I suck and was out of town or sick for like two weeks and we need to catch up. RS: I’ve got some fittings in the morning with Demi Lovato, thank you for sending her to me by the way. She is a blast to work with. I’m free after that. Well sort of free. Mom is claiming that we need to start shopping for nursery decor. You know how she is. ES: Oh yes I do. She nearly gave Pops a heart attack with how frequently she had me shopping to decorate the condo. I’m pretty sure the bill she sent him was more than I made in a month at that point. RS: I remember that. That was the summer she tried to make me intern with her. Remember when we purposely picked shit she wouldn’t go for so that she would get that my design degree was going towards fashion and not interior. ES: Best plan we ever hatched. Want to grab lunch in between? RS: Sounds perfect! I’ve been craving the weirdest things with this baby business. That diner we used to go to in high school is being craved by the baby. Sound like a plan? ES: Sounds like one my personal trainer will hate me for so I’m in. Sam and I will pick you up at 12:30? RS: PERFECT! I am so excited for tomorrow now. ES: Me too! I’ll see you at 12:30. You still doing all of your styling out of your Mom’s offices? RS: Nope! I have a studio now. It was my wedding present. Mom and Luke went in on it together. You’ll love it! It’s not far from you actually. I’ll send you a pin. ES: Perfect! See you at 12:30.

“Sam you get to deal with me and Rach tomorrow. We are picking her up and she and I are having lunch.”

“My backseat will be filled with giggles.”

“You’ll get a malt out of it so don’t complain.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Sam replied laughing.

“A malt?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, there is this diner that Rachel and I have been going to since we were kids. She claims the baby is craving it.”

“I’m glad you’re getting together with her. She seems very sweet.”

“She is,” I responded. “And I normally don’t go several months without seeing her so I needed to do this. I have this sneaking suspicion though that I will end up out of the office all afternoon.”

“Why?” Harry asked.

“Well, Rachel is a stylist. She works with a ton of my clients. Ty works with her on occasion when she needs additional help leading up to events. So sometimes we end up talking business so that she understands what my goal is for a look for a client, she’s meeting with one of them in the morning. She’s also going nursery shopping with her mother after we have lunch. If Cynthia figures out I’m with Rachel I have a feeling I will get drug along on this shopping trip where they are picking out the decor for Rachel’s nursery.”

“Rachel is pregnant already?” Sam asked.

“Does this surprise you?”

“No, I’ve always thought she was going to be a great Mom someday. She nannied a lot when we were growing up.”

“That she did. She actually nannied for step-mom #2’s kids when Pops was married to her. Talk about awkward but he knew Rachel was responsible so he hired her. Just sort of left our the whole ‘daughter of his ex-wife bit’ for the first summer.” Harry started to laugh.

“Your Pops is funny,” he said.

“That he is.” We finally pulled up to the airport and International Arrivals. The traffic had been nuts as we got closer so we were arriving a little after Ed’s flight would’ve landed. I saw him standing on the sidewalk with a ball cap on, his glasses, a suitcase and his guitar. Sam stopped right in front of him and I opened the door to hop out. “Teddy!”

“Tiny!” He hugged me tightly. “I’ve missed you, crazy girl.”

“I’ve missed you more, crazy boy.”

“Do I get no love here?” Harry asked.

“Get your ass over here, buddy,” Ed said as he opened the hug to let Harry in. All three of us stood hugging tightly before the window rolled down in the car.

“Hug much longer and I’m gonna get a ticket, Evil. Get the boys in the car.” The tailgate of the car was open so we threw Ed’s bags in and climbed into the car. Normally I’d sit in the front seat if we had two clients in the car and I didn’t feel like making one of them climb into the third row. But today I sat in the middle so I could be with Ed and Harry. I had my head on Ed’s shoulder and my fingers laced between Harry’s as we held hands.

“Jimmy wants to join us for lunch. Claims you need to tell him about your travels.”

“Sounds good. And if I get to hear you call him Jimmy a few times it will make up for having spent so much time away.”

“I’ll do it a few times just for you, Teddy.”

“I would like to point out that my girlfriend is using your shoulder as a pillow right now instead of mine,” Harry said.

“Someone jealous that the pretty girl is more excited to see me? I mean this never happens. The pretty girl is never more excited about me than you.”

“Evidently this one is.”

“He’s one of my best friends. I’ve seen you nearly every day for the last three weeks.” I turned to look at Ed. “He moved me into his house without telling me.”

“That’s a bit presumptuous, mate.”

“She’s slept in my bed every night since the night I met her. Well, not exactly my bed, but the same bed. Except when she was in New York. Her shit was taking over my house, so I just organized it and brought a little more in while she was passed out from the medication for her migraines." Ed started to laugh hysterically.

“You moved her in while she was under the influence of narcotics? You are absolutely mental, Harry.”

“I am mental. But I love the girl and I didn’t want to start going crazy on her because her shoes were strewn across the closet.”

“I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming,” Ed said. “Wait, I do know why. He typically dates models who don’t often form complete sentences and she doesn’t ever make it past a first date, well other than the asshole and that baseball player guy.”

“Yeah, we are sort of the being crazy and out of our normal routine with each other,” Harry replied.

“Sort of? I got drunk at a business dinner and went home with you. I woke up naked in your bed with you that morning. That’s so far out of my normal that I don’t even know what to say about it.”

“Everlee! You are crazy. He could’ve been a serial killer.” Ed had his pretend shocked face on while he was trying to hide his laughter. Harry and Sam were both laughing.

“He’s your friend. The worst thing he could do is collect teddy bears.” Ed flipped me off as he pushed me off of his shoulder. Harry wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him.

“You know that isn’t true,” Harry whispered in my ear. “I can do a lot worse than collect teddy bears.” I felt his hand sneak down and grab my ass. I jumped a little bit.

“Watch it,” I whispered back. It wasn’t much longer and we were at the office and in the elevator headed upstairs. The boys got comfortable on the couches in my office catching up while I sat down to call my father and go through some of my emails.

“Hey kiddo,” Pops answered.

“Hey Pops. The boys are in here. Want to just order in lunch so we can all have more time to catch up?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Alright. Later.”

“Bye kid.” I hung up the phone and noticed I’d missed a few messages on our internal IM and replied to them. The boys didn’t even notice when I stood up and went into the bathroom to change clothes. I started to flip through the outfits that were in there. I didn’t need to be as formal anymore. Lawyer meeting done, suit could come off. I put on a pair of tight jeans and a loose fitting grey top that was just barely a crop top. I found a pair of leopard print tennis shoes and went back into my office.

“Hi,” Harry said as I sat down next to him on the couch leaning into him and tucking my feet under me.

“Hi.” I smiled at him before giving him a short kiss. My father was now sitting in the chair opposite Ed having a conversation.

“You changed.”

“I did. The suit wasn’t necessary for the rest of the day. Especially considering I’m going to be spending time with you crazy boys all afternoon. I should be comfortable, right?”

“Right.” He kissed me again. “You did great this morning, I forgot to tell you that.”

“Thanks and I’m actually sort of glad that Jimmy made you come with. I would never have felt okay going after the publication if you hadn’t been there with me. So thank you.”

“We are partners, love. I’m going to be beside you for everything from now on. Any big thing life throws our way, it’s going to be you and me taking it on. Together.”

“I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one.”

“Alright, you two. Stop your yapping so we can order lunch.” I pulled up the menu on my iPad and handed it to Ed so he could decide what he wanted. The door from the bathroom opened and Kammi came walking in, her heels clicking across the concrete floor.

“How on Earth was I not your first stop to say hi?” she said as Ed stood up to hug her.

“I had to quiz this guy down about dating the crazy girl.”

“Yeah, it’s weird, right? You would’ve known sooner if you didn’t avoid all communication from us. We’ve missed you around here.” Ed sat back down and Kammi sat next to me on the couch. “How did this morning go?” she asked.

“It went decently. Marty has a new junior partner that is helping him, he’s attractive,” I answered.

“What the hell? You were checking out the lawyer?” Harry seemed a bit shocked but was laughing.

“You’re telling me you didn’t notice that the barista in the coffee shop this morning was cute and totally making eyes at you?”

“Of course I didn’t, I was with my beautiful girlfriend.”

“Well, then you are a better person than I am. The new junior partner is hot.” Kammi laughed.

“Perhaps I will have a reason to sue someone soon so I can meet him. But other than the hot new junior partner, it went well?”

“Yeah, more than I want to do but it’s fine.”

“She’s afraid to sue the publication,” Pops jumped in. “Harry and I talked her into it. They need to know that we won’t stand for someone going after her private medical records. It’s absurd that someone at her doctor’s office sold her story.  Marty is getting in contact with the head of the practice to see what they have done in regards to the leak.”

“Good. Go at ‘em. Guns blazing, girl.” Kammi turned to look at me. “You take nothing lying down, why would you do that with this? It’s a good thing Jimmy and Harry convinced you to go further than you wanted. You are not only standing up for yourself but other people in your position who have had their privacy violated by a gossip magazine.” Kammi hated the fact that just because of our clients, friends, and significant others that we often ended up in gossip magazines and blogs. I’d always taken it in stride, it was part of the territory, she'd always gotten angry. In all fairness, she had barely told her family she and Nick were dating when photos of them together hit the papers. They took away her ability to progress in her relationship naturally.

“I guess I’m glad they are making me too. It’s one thing to print a picture or act like I don’t deserve him. It’s another to turn my health struggles into headlines.” Harry kissed the top of my head. “So do you want to join the four of us for lunch today?”

“I can’t. My call list today is insane. I think every mother of every young athlete in the draft is calling me paranoid. I’m ready for it to be over. The last few weeks before a draft are always the worst. Thankfully Mexico isn’t far after it and I can relax. Hopefully everyone we represent will have contracts signed by then and be getting themselves ready to relocate to their new homes.”

“That’s always the hope. If you need me to take on some of the mothers let me know. I may not be their rep but I can talk down a crazy mother, I mean you’ve met mine.” Kammi laughed and smiled at me.

“I can take some on too,” Pops added. “No sense in you having to deal with them all if we can help.”

“I should be fine, but I will let you know,” she replied. “I know that there’s a lot of work to do with Ed today so I don’t want to bug E. If I need help I’ll tag you in, Jimmy.”

“Just let me know,” he said.

“Now to go eat my lunch while I figure out which calls are my priority. What are you guys doing for dinner?” she asked. “Maybe we can all do that and you can force me to leave the office tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said.

“We hadn’t decided where to eat yet but we could also eat at the house,” Harry said.

“You guys are all here. No sense in you trying to host at your house. How about I have you all over to my house? Harry can see the place and I can have Linda prepare something for all of us to eat.” My father’s housekeeper was an incredible cook.

“That sounds great,” Ed said. “I haven’t been to the house in a while. Always fun to see the old pictures of E that you keep around.”

“Then it’s settled. Kammi, please bring Nick. Invite Eliza and Ty too. Oh and Joe. I know that Ty had that date this weekend but I don’t know if he’s ready to have him meet the family so tell him it’s his choice. I’ll get in touch with Jessica.” Pops loved hosting people at his house so this made perfect sense.

“Sounds great, thanks Jimmy.” Kammi hugged Ed once more before leaving my office. This time exiting through the main door so she could fill in Eliza and Ty.

“Alright, Ed. Work time now while we wait for lunch,” I said. I pulled up the list I’d been saving on my iPad and handed it to him. “Here’s the list of artists who would like to work with you.”

“Well, shit, this is a huge list.”

“You’re kind of a popular guy. I included a name on the list that I wanted on there.” I glanced at Harry. “I think it could be fun to have you two write together for your album when you’re ready.”

“I would like that,” Harry replied.

“Always,” Ed added. He was looking through the list and making comments on a few of them. “Looks like you’re gonna keep me busy now that I’m back in the real world.”

“That's always my goal. And now that you’ve bought the house back home I’m prepared to help you get a studio set up so you can be at home.”

“You’re prepared to help?” he asked.

“Yeah, Jax has put together a list of the equipment he thinks you need and is prepared to submit the order and travel to England to get it all set up for you.”

“You take such good care of me.”

“That's why you hired me, Teddy.” Our lunch was delivered and the conversation got deeper into working on scheduling with his day-to-day representation when he’d start working with artists. Some would be done out of LA, some New York and the majority of it in London. Ed had about a million and a half demos to play for me, which would normally be something we do just ourselves. He was happy to let Harry stay with us even though he’d offered to go make himself busy somewhere else. “Well, I think we made good progress today.”

“Me too. And I think you’ve successfully planned the next six months of my life. Remind me next time I take some time off to keep a phone so she doesn’t kill me when I reappear in reality.”

“I’ll make sure,” Harry said laughing. “So do we want to have Sam take us home so we can get a car to take to your Pops’?”

“Nah, we can probably hitch a ride with Pops there and then whoever is on call will come get us, or Sam,” I replied laughing. “He takes care of me.”

“I’m learning that.” Harry looked to Ed. “I didn’t know her driver had been her driver since she was 15. I also didn’t realize 15 year-olds had drivers.”

“Your girl wasn’t a normal 15 year-old. Fuck, she isn’t a normal 25 year-old.”

“I’m not kidding. If Pops could convince me to never drive again he’d make Sam drive me everywhere. It’s convenient having a driver. I can’t tell you how much work I can get done in the back seat of the car while I sit in traffic between meetings. You’ve seen me in this weird phase of not having a lot of meetings out of the office. All of that is going to change soon.”

“Why?” Harry asked.

“Because my top priority won’t be you anymore. Starting tomorrow I return to my normal life where I’ll be in meetings a lot. Well, sort of. I’ve got a packed morning, but the afternoon is more open so I can get work done in the office. Some of the meetings will be with you but a lot will be getting stuff finalized for summer tours, radio tours, summer singles and the race to have the song of the summer for my artists. It’s a busy time for me.”

“I can see that now,” he replied. “Well, let’s get ourselves ready to head to your father’s.” We all stood up and I started to gather my things. I watched as Harry picked up some of the stuff that was on the coffee table where we’d been sitting all day that he knew I’d want when I inevitably worked from home tonight. He brought them over to me and handed them to me to put in my bag.

“Thanks, babe.”

“No problem. I figure I’m gonna have to watch you work at home for a while tonight since you weren’t on your computer most of the day.”

“Correct. You aren’t going to be upset are you?” I asked looking up into his eyes.

“No, I’ll even stay up with you so you can work and not do it in the bedroom.” He bent down to kiss me. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Today has been fun. Thanks for dealing with Ed and I working.”

“It’s nice to see how you work with other clients so I know whether I’m getting preferential treatment or not.” I laughed. “I see that I'm clearly not, Ed gets the preferential treatment.”

“He sort of does. You will too once you’re working. Right now, your preferential treatment comes in a different way.” He smiled down at me again before kissing me. It wasn’t long before we were downstairs and in Sam’s car heading to my father’s as he had already left for home to prepare for his guests. Kammi and Eliza were headed to go get Nick and Joe along with Ty as he’d decided it was too soon to bring Eli to a work dinner party. Rather than sit in the back between both of the boys on the way to my father’s I sat in the front going through emails on my phone. My morning would be busy and I needed to be ready for all of the meetings I’d have.

I listened to the boys chatting back and forth from the backseat. It was amazing the way Harry altered the way he spoke. He used American slang on most occasions when he was talking in my group of friends, when it was just me it was slightly less. But today with Ed, and over the weekend with his friends at dinner, his British slang came out and his accent got thicker. It made me smile and feel the butterflies in my stomach. He sounded so happy reconnecting with one of his close friends. It continued to amaze me how connected our individual worlds are. How many friends we have in common.

I have always been overly rational when it came to everything, especially romance. Things with my life were always based on the logic behind them until I met Harry. And here I was living with him and in love with him when I was still getting to know things about him. I didn’t know all of his quirks, but I was learning them. Like I knew that he shook his leg in situations that made him nervous along with constantly playing with his hair as a distraction for his tiny bit of anxiety. That he loved turning on Netflix before we went to bed. That he always used pink toothbrushes because he’d traveled so much with groups of guys that he always knew which toothbrush was his because he was the only guy using a pink toothbrush. I knew that as much as I thought the resting bitch face phenomenon could never be topped by mine that Harry had one that gave me a run for my money. I knew that he got cold easily and kept blankets around the house, sometimes even tucking his feet under me when we sat on the couch so I could keep them warm. I knew the way his face looked when he first woke up and right before he fell asleep. And every little thing I learned about him I loved, it was crazy. It was irrational and completely unlike me. But it appeared that this was the new me and that my entire family and all of my friends enjoyed the new me.

We pulled up to my father’s house and Sam punched in the gate code. He stopped in the driveway to let us out and told me to just give him a warning text of when he needed to head back this way to pick us up. I’d tried to convince him to stay for dinner but he declined saying that he was going to try and sneak in a quick dinner with his girlfriend while we were at my father’s.

“Okay, this isn’t a house. This is an estate,” Harry said quietly to me as we walked up to the house.

“Yeah, I know. It has quite a bit of land too. You’ll like it.” I held his hand as we walked into the house. “Pops,” I called when I opened the door.

“In the living room,” he replied. I lead both of the guys through the house to the living room. Pops was at his rollaway bar pouring himself a drink when we walked in. “I’m glad we all decided to do this. Evie, Linda is making her bolognese since she knows you love it so much. She’s also preparing that Tuscan shrimp pasta thing she made the last time Ed was in town.”

“That was amazing,” Ed moaned. “But her bolognese is also good. Harry here probably needs some kale.” I watched as Harry flipped Ed off before accepting the glass of scotch from my father and taking a second to hand it to me.

“I’ve started eating a lot more pasta now that I’m dating Evie. I think she’s trying to fatten me up so that I’m unappealing to other women.” Now was my turn to laugh and get good use out of the middle finger.

“Linda always has some insanely fresh salad with vegetables that she grows at her house,” I said. “If he needs vegetables and no pasta he can do it.”

“We will do steak on Sunday,” Pops added. It made me smile to think about the fact that my father was already thinking about what to plan for our dinner on Sunday. Jessica appeared in the living room just a few minutes before Kammi, Nick, Eliza, Joe and Ty arrived. We all had drinks and went out onto the deck.

“Oh my god. This view is gorgeous,” Harry said.

“I know. Now do you know why I said that I’d take the house if he ever tried to move.”

“I do. The view sort of reminds me of the one from my old house. I had a midcentury modern house that looked out over a canyon. It was a gorgeous house and the view was unbelievable.”

“Then why did you move?”

“Felt like it. Plus I don’t stay in one house in LA for too long. People tend to find out where I live and make it difficult to have privacy. London no one really cares. I’ve had the same place since I was a teenager. When I stay in New York people don’t seem to care as much either.”

“LA is a city obsessed with celebrity. I can see why you move a lot. You basically need a fortress wall around you to get people not to see your home. Your place actually isn’t too bad. And my father has clearly figured out how to have the fortress between here and Malibu.”

“That he has. He might have to teach me his ways.” Harry laughed a little. He put his arm around and pulled me in closer to him on the outdoor loveseat we were sharing. The conversation between everyone flowed so easily tonight. We ate by candlelight on the patio and went through several bottles of wine that just encouraged the conversation to go late into the evening. I finally looked at my watch and it was nearly 9:30.

“Pops, I have an early morning of meetings. I’m gonna have Sam come get Harry and I.”

“We should probably go as well,” Eliza said. “Joe has to be in the studio tomorrow.”

“We need to do this again sometime. I like having all of you kids over,” Pops said. “It just reminds me how happy I am to know that my Evie has such great people in her life.”

“We are lucky to have her too, Jimmy,” Kammi said. “And you know we will always come over. Linda’s cooking is almost better than being back home in New York.”

“Well we will plan something soon. Maybe on a weekend so that none of us have to get up early for meetings,” Pops replied. As Sam arrived and Kammi’s driver arrived we all said our goodbyes. “This was wonderful and I’m so proud of you. You look happy.”

“I am happy, Pops. Incredibly happy.”

“You work on staying that way. I like seeing you happy.”

“I will and you do that too. I like when you’re happy.” I kissed his cheek before I climbed into the back seat of the car. Sam was going to drop Ed off at his hotel after he dropped Harry and I off at home.

The Circus KM: Tonight was fun. I’m so full and probably going to have a hangover tomorrow. ER: Same. TK: Same. ES: I’m trying not to fall asleep from the food coma in the backseat as Sam drives. HS: She’s really close actually. Disappointing E. So disappointing. KM: Someone isn’t getting laid tonight. ES: Oh no, he is. He has now put up with dinner with Jimmy and Jessica two nights in a row. He deserves a reward. JJ: So gross. NJ: I don’t need to know these things. ER: Get it girl. HS: She loses her filter when she drinks red wine. Remind me to buy more red wine. ER: I’ll text you her favorites. ES: Yay! We are home! BYE!!!!

Harry opened the door and his arms were around my waist and lips on my neck almost immediately. His hand slid up beneath the crop top I was still wearing and grabbed my breast. I moaned and listened to the sound echo in the otherwise quiet room.

“Can I tell you that watching you work all day was so fucking sexy?”

“You can,” I replied as I turned to look at him. His hand now finding my ass.

“You are so smart and in control and confident and it is so fucking sexy. I wanted to kick Ed out and fuck you on your desk by 2:00.”

“I probably would’ve let you,” I replied as I started to unbutton the shirt he’d been wearing all day. As soon as I had the last button undone I took one of his nipples in my mouth. I felt the island hit my back before Harry’s hands found my ass the way they had this morning and he quickly put me down on the counter. He pulled my t-shirt over my head and within seconds had my bra off. His hands made their way to my jeans, unbuttoning them.

“I knew you would’ve let me. There were a few times I could hear it in your voice that you were desperate for me to touch you. I was so close to you on the couch all day.”

“Oh, I know,” I replied as he pulled my jeans and panties off of me in one motion. He started to kick off his boots and undo his pants. “You thought you were being sly touching my arm or the exposed skin on my back or hip, you weren’t. Ed might not have noticed but I definitely did.”

“Your body gave away that you wanted me. Your skin covered in goosebumps.” Before  I could even realize what was happening he laid me down on the island and lifted himself so he was on top of me. I moaned loudly again as our bodies connected and developed the rhythm we had all but perfected over the last few weeks. My ankles hooked behind him and I heard him groan as it pushed him in deeper. “I’ve wanted to take you on this counter since this morning.”

“I’ve been daydreaming of it all day too.”

“Is it as good as the daydream?” His hips moved smoothly against mine.

“Be-be-better.” I barely managed to speak. My release came quickly and Harry shortly after mine. He rested his head on my chest as we laid on the island.

“Have you ever had sex on a kitchen counter?” he asked laughing.

“Nope.”

“Me either. It was definitely fun. Do you still need to work tonight?” he asked.

“I mean I should but right now the only thing I want to do is go upstairs and crawl in bed next to my sexy boyfriend and get some snuggles.”

“I will allow you to work all night tomorrow night. I’ll be in charge of dinner, you can work.”

“You’ve twisted my arm. To bed we go.” I pointed towards the stairs. Harry climbed down off of the island before helping me. We both picked up our clothes and hurried upstairs. Neither of us bothered to put clothes on before climbing in bed. He pulled me tightly into his arms, my head resting on his chest. “I love you, Evie.”

“I love you, Harry.” He played with my hair just enough to coax me to sleep. This wonderful and fun day coming to an end with the two of us laying together in each other’s arms. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

My alarm went off entirely too early for how much wine we’d consumed at my father’s house. Harry groaned, pulled a pillow over his head and fell back sleep. I jumped in the shower and got ready for my day. I’d planned with Sam that he would pick me up today and just take me between meetings because none of my time would be spent in the office, at least until the afternoon. Once I was dressed I gave Harry a quick kiss and was out the door. Meeting one was a breakfast meeting with an A&R rep that I did a lot of work with. Meeting two was with TV producers and a client who was going to be getting a reality show. Meeting three was coffee with Patrick, the junior partner from the law firm giving me an update on how the first day of the process had gone. As soon as we were done it was a stop at Rachel’s studio to pick her up. I went inside and found her finishing up her appointment with Demi.

“Hey boss lady,” she said hugging me.

“Hey Demi, I was hoping I’d make it here before you were done. Tour styling?”

“Of course. Your friend Rachel here is helping make sure that I look hot but don’t get too hot,” she replied laughing. Rachel came back in and I looked at her. She was so tiny normally that even now when she was just able to start sharing publicly that she was pregnant you could see the tiny bump she was forming. “She’s also officially going to be the cutest pregnant person ever.”

“She is. Hey sis,” I said hugging Rachel.

“Hey! I’m so happy to see you.” She hugged me tightly. “Demi and I were just finishing up so that we could go to lunch. Baby wants french fries.”

“Well I don’t have a baby to blame but french fries sound amazing.” Demi started to laugh. They finished their meeting quickly and we were in the car headed to the diner.

“Sam, how are things?” Rachel asked.

“Good, really good. Evie’s keeping me busy and I’ve got a new girlfriend who helps out in keeping me busy too.”

“A girlfriend? And she doesn’t hate that you sometimes leave in the middle of the night because E here drinks too much.”

“She does not, she knows it’s my job and that I make good money because of those calls. She also happens to be an assistant in Everlee’s department so she gets how demanding Evil can be.”

“You still call her Evil? Awww,” Rachel said laughing. “The pet name from hell.”

“He likes to push the limits. Although finally yesterday he stopped calling me Miss Scarcello in front of Harry.”

“I was trying to see how long it would take for her to kill me. I made it nearly a month.”

“I’m so happy you’ve got someone, Ev. We need a double date soon so that Luke and I can get to know him better. Does the family like him?”

“They love him. It took a while for Pops but he even loves him at this point. I think they are going golfing today because I was so busy. You know that if he can golf with my father he’s probably in.”

“Unless he beats him,” Rachel replied. “Mom did that once and it was quite the uncomfortable dinner at home that night.”

“I think I remember you calling me after dinner to tell me.”

“Oh, by the way, Mom says you’re shopping with us today.”

“I figured that was going to happen.” Sam pulled into the diner and we went in and got our normal table. We’d tried to convince Sam to come eat with us but he refused. He said we needed sister time, he’d been privy to the problems I’d been having with my father during the start of my relationship with Harry and I’m assuming that was why. “So how is the pregnancy going?”

“Well now that I’m out of the first trimester the morning sickness is a little bit less present. Mom is beyond excited about it, which is weird. I didn’t actually think she’d want to be a grandmother this young. But when I told her she started crying and hugging me and when Luke has to travel for work she insists that I come stay at home with her in case I need anything.”

“That's sweet. How is she?”

“She’s great. Her business is doing insanely well, she’s hired a few more people to help. She’s been single for coming up on a year. She made a decision that she needed to be alone and she’s stuck with it. I’m unbelievably impressed by her with that.”

“I am too. Your Mom has never needed a man from my outside opinion but she always had one.”

“Not currently, I don’t know what her thought was behind it but she told me that she wanted to just be alone.”

“I wish my father would think that way.”

“Not a fan of his current girlfriend?”

“That’s the understatement of the century,” I said. “She hits on my boyfriend. I wanted to kill her the first time they met. And then I was pissed because the whole feeling jealous thing is so foreign to me that it made me feel terrible.”

“That had to be funny. You clearly like him if you’re willing to go to jealous bitch mode for him. You’ve never done that.”

“It feels so wrong.” I laid my head on the back of the booth behind me. “I don’t like being jealous but it’s this thing about him. I don’t want someone else to touch him or look at him the way I do. I’m a lovesick puppy. I’m living with him.”

“What?!" She dropped the malt covered french fry in her hand onto her plate. “You’re living with him.”

“Yeah, he moved me in. Totally freaks me out. But at the same time I don’t mind it. I like being there with him. And being around him and just sharing his air. I am a fucking lovesick puppy.” Rachel was laughing at me hard enough that her face was turning red. “I’m glad you find humor in my pain.”

“Love isn’t pain. You’re happy. I like seeing this. You’re my sister, I always want to see you happy, Evie.”

“Thanks, Pops was an ass about it at first. Grace almost flew out from Chicago to whoop his ass about it.”

“You're his only child, his little baby girl. He’s a protective father. I almost miss that.” Because of how long our parents dated prior to marrying my father had always been close with Rachel and her sisters. Everyone was devastated when the relationship didn’t work.

“I will offer him up for trade. I’d take a second malt and you can have him.”

“You don’t mean that. You’re lucky. You have two incredible men who work to raise you and take care of you. Most days I wish I’d just had one, I mean I had your father for a long time and then there’s my own, though we all know how that worked out.” I frowned.

“Have you heard anything from him recently?”

“He sent me a card apologizing for not making it to the wedding. Wished me luck but signed the card with his name and not Dad or anything. Hell I got a nicer card from your Mom and Dad. Which by the way also included an amazing gift and an invitation to come visit Chicago soon.”

“They always have loved you and were disappointed that they couldn’t make it to the wedding. Jonny’s so busy in school that they are never out of Chicago during the school year. Mexico is going to be nice. Everyone will be together.”

“Man, I miss Mexico trips. Can you adopt me back into the fold so I can go? Although maybe not this year.” Her hand on her belly again made me smile. She was going to be an incredible mother. We finished our lunch, got two malts to go for us and lunch for Sam since he’d refused to come inside. He drove us across town to the store Rachel was meeting her mother at and we walked up arm-in-arm giggling like we usually did.

“There’s my girls,” Cynthia said embracing us both in a hug. “I’m glad you were able to clear your schedule and join us Evie.”

“When you request my presence I always come,” I replied as I hugged her tightly. “And how could I miss our on Grandma getting to decorate a nursery.”

“Grandma still seems so formal for me,” she answered. “I am trying to decide what I want to be called. Your father has clearly enjoyed the Grandma thing. I think he has resorted to calling me that full-time.”

“That’s funny. When did you last talk?”

“Earlier this morning. We still keep tabs on each other. He was telling me all about how in love our little Evie is.”

“Ugh, I’m gonna need a third malt.” Rachel laughed at me.

“She’s in love and he’s wonderful. I met him once but we are planning a double date soon so I can get to know him.”

“Maybe I’ll get to meet him someday,” Cynthia said looking at me with that look that she did that always made me answer yes.

“Of course,” I replied.

“Alright, now let’s get to designing this little muffin’s nursery.” And with that we were off and shopping. It was fun spending time with Rachel and Cynthia and reminded me just how much I missed having them in my life as much as they used to be. I needed to make a better effort to spend time with Rachel. I felt my watch buzz and looked down.

New Text Message from Harry Styles I’m done golfing with your father and should be home shortly. Let’s stay in tonight. I want a little alone time with my girl. Hope you’re having fun with Rachel and Cynthia. See you in a few.

“I know what the smile means,” Cynthia said as she put her arm around me. “I like seeing you this happy. You’re in love aren’t you?”

“In a way I never dreamed was possible to be.”

“Then run with it and never let that feeling go away.” She kissed my temple as she hugged me close to her.

“I don't want to know what it would feel like to have lose it so I don’t intend to let the feeling stop. Ever.”

ED! We have Ed! And we have Evie admitting to SO much stuff with Rachel.  I’m glad that this chapter was a chance to introduce the importance of the relationship with not only Rachel, but her Mother and with Sam. These people are part of Evie’s life and are important to her. Harry learning that is great. Also a chance for everyone to join together at Jimmy’s because he has not only learned to accept the relationship with Harry but be happy about it and he has a new golfing buddy.

The lawsuit should add some interesting complications in the coming weeks and months for Evie and Harry. Him supporting her to go further than she wanted to is both good and could put stress on her because she wasn’t sure about it. We will have to wait and see.

The next chapter will be a little bit of a time jump. Rather than including their daily lives as Evie is going between meetings we will be advancing to England so that Evie can meet Harry’s family! It should be an exciting and slightly unnerving experience for her. Harry may be great with families but Evie and her internal monologue will be a bit hilarious I’m sure.

I can’t wait to hear what you think of this chapter. I hope you’re still enjoying ITHOLA as much as I am. And I have some news for fans of my previous fic, London Calling. Requests are open! Yup, you read that right. The standalone series that I started, Always In My Head, is returning. I miss the world I created. Harry and Annie and the gang at O’Brien’s. So I’m going to be doing some London Calling drabbles for all of you. And I want to know what you want to read. It can be absolutely anything! Harry proposing, the first time Harry and Annie met, whatever you think you want to know share that idea with me. My plan for the first one is the story of Niall and Lyla. I’ve also posted London Calling and Always in my Head on wattpad for anyone who reads my stories there as well.

Alright, now I need to do some writing for work, start planning chapter twenty one and working on AIMH!

Thank you for reading!

xx AM.