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theartofdreaming1 · 3 years ago

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Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)

heart

“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.”

I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.

mind

Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.

soul

I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.

Chapter 7

A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)

I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...

He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄

While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust

[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)

“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though

“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?

“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)

“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun

“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she’d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!

“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done

He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean

”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with

“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind

“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄

“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)

He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭

Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”

Chapter 8

It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter

“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge

I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒

“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have

One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)

There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:

Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness

“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...

Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)

By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!

“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing

Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead

Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment

My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it

“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!

After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?

Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been!

... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies

[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place

... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)

Chapter 9

Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭

I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)

Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁

Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)

And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!

We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though

He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)

She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own

... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)

“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)

“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. - Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂

“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢

Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate

“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again

We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...

When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena

We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(

My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress

#thgagain #thg #katniss everdeen #hunger games #thg meta #peeta mellark #haymitch abernathy #gale hawthorne #my sketches and drawings #thg fanart #catching fire

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alliswell21 · 3 years ago

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I can't exactly rememeber everything that happed because it's been so long since I watched hg but does Peeta regain all of his memories at the end ? I mean all of them ? Also I always wonder but do you think his parents love each other even if his father loved Katniss's mother when he was young ? And do you think Peeta love his parents and brothers too or was it really a loveless family after all ?

Hello Anon, sorry it’s taken me this long to answer your ask, I’ve been offline the past few days.

I assume you’ve only seen the movies, right? It’s not explicitly explained in either books or movies if Peeta regained his memories 100% or not. We do know per the books, that Peeta struggles with hijacking episodes maybe for the rest of his life, and we also know from the books, Him and Katniss make a book of their memories of people they knew and/or loved so they wouldn’t forget them. I think it’s safe to say Peeta recovered most of his memories, since it’s said that the Capitol mostly tampered with memories of Katniss and they didn’t touch his childhood, etc, but the truth is, it’s not a checked fact.

In regards to his family, I have no reason to believe his family was completely loveless. Sure, his parents may have been described as less that loving, but the truth is that we don’t know, because we’ve never actually interacted with them, except for what little interactions Katniss had with them: in the books, Mr Mellark brings cookies for Katniss after the reaping and sits with her in silence for their allotted time to say goodbye, and right before he leaves, he promises Katniss he’ll watch out for Prim while she’s gone, which makes Katniss feel relief in that her sister wont starve to death if the baker is gonna try and help her. Katniss says the baker is one of the only merchants she can consistently count on to trade with fairly, he’s quiet but kind to her and Prim.

Now, Mrs Mellark, Katniss tells us the kids in the District nicknamed her The Witch, because she’s mean and angry. It’s evident she hits her children hard enough to bruise, but in the book Peeta tells Katniss that his mom tried to “cheer him up” by jokingly saying “At least 12 will have chance, she’s a survivor, that one.” (I’m paraphrasing since I do t have my books handy right now). The comment was hurtful to Peeta, who was heading out to certain death, but its important to see Peeta was aware in his mom’s misguided attempt to help, that at least the woman was trying to cheer him up during an awful situation. I’m not going to say the woman was a good mother by any means, but people are complicated beings with lots of flaws that sometimes eclipse any good trait they may have… I’m not excusing Mrs Mellark, just merely stating that while she was angry and physically abusive, her son was able to see her tried to cheer him up… not that she succeeded.

I believe Peeta loves his family, because people—humans— are geared to love or at the very least feel fondness for one’s immediate nucleus. I say this because I know of someone who got terribly beaten by her mom as a child, and to this day, she’s watched over her ailing parents with love and care… I asked her once, when we were teenagers, if she loved her mom after basically being a punching bag, and she told me “Of course I love her. She’s my mom. She’s just unable to calm herself down when she’s in a rage, but sometimes, she can be very nice a d sweet,” So, people just sometimes excuse certain behaviors, because they’re family, or because it’s a self preservation mechanism, I’m not sure, is not healthy or excusable, it just is a fact of life.

So I believe Peeta loves his family, his mother, despite what we know of the Mellarks. I cannot say they were a loveless family just based on Katniss’ observations, because she never truly saw them more than a handful of minutes at a time, and all her experiences with Peeta’s mom were bad, yet with the baker he was quiet and fair in business. She says nothing about Peeta’s brothers, other than one was probably still reaping age and didn’t volunteer at the reaping which wasn’t a shock to her, since her volunteering for Prim was the anomaly.

Now, Peeta lived alone in Victor’s Village after games, but we don’t know why. The fandom has speculated a lot about it, but there could be any number of reasons why the Mellarks live at the bakery still, we don’t know for sure, so I can’t conclusively say that Peeta living alone after becoming a Victor means his family didn’t love him. Now, the fact that he says in the arena in CF that “Nobody needs him” is a tad more telling, yet, not enough to indicate he’s not loved by his family, Katniss herself says that he’s right, his family would mourn him, as well as handful of friends, but their lives wouldn’t be destroyed like her’s would, meaning she’d be more affected by Peeta’s death than his own family, so that’s a hard question to answer.

Whether Mr and Mrs Mellark loved each other, I would say, they probably liked each other enough to marry and procreate, but they may not feel romantic love for each other. Also, just the fact that Mr Mellark says he wanted to marry Katniss’ mom when he was younger, doesn’t mean he’s still in love with her. I wanted to marry my very first boyfriend, loved him for years after we broke up, then I grew older and realized I wasn’t as in love with him any longer. What does get me, is the fact that he always looked out for Katniss and Prim, by being fair and buying their products. He may have been fond of the girls because of who their mother was, but he may have just have respected Katniss that much for surviving and working hard… we’ll never know.

Sorry this is so long. I’ve been trying to upload this thing with a below the cut, but I can feel vertigo starting to take hold and I can’t focus too long on the screen. Thank you for the ask!

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plainvanillapotato · 4 years ago

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the 100 diaries S2 E15

quarantine diaries: june 14 2020

season 2 episode 15: “Blood Must Have Blood: Part 1″

bellamy the liberator!! bellaymy is more of a khaleesi than any other character in this show. i officially propose to make bellamy the khaleesi for both the spacers and grounders.

the grounder word for “to be quite” sounds a lot like SHUT UP but with a lisp

“wait...thank you” .....bellamy and grounder girl? ship???

i really hate cages rhetoric. its nothing but propaganda then again its cage im talking about so i cant expect much

what a paper throw looked weak af. i wonder if that took multiple takes

you kidding with those cups stains thats one hell of a big jump for the guard to make. like those people could have sat on the other side of table just minutes ago. im shaking my head so hard right now. like this is just because they didnt use coasters?? ugh.

this escalated so fast. but considering how fast things escalate with police in the us i guess i shouldnt be surprised

and ofc they shot them anyway. police brutality is not okay. you cannot just shoot and kill people. side note what happened to that justice system that maya brought up when we first met her??

why is monroe still alive??? like ok its nice to see a familiar face but i dont care for her

wow raven really upped her packaging game for that hydrazine. yes raven i support you and your small business.

clarke got gloves now. i wonder if she asked for them or lexa/someone just gave them to her

i love clarkes/lexas diorama ngl its way better than bellamys.

clarke really had to think about whether or not she was going to chant with them. that was a real cheeky moment. i know they’re trying to make clarke super cool and thats down with the grounders but i gotta say that its gonna a lot more to convince me that clarke is a badass

side note: i like anya a lot more than lexa. like i dont feel threatened by lexa at all. imo anya was the true queen

that heat shot tho. i know that bellamy is a good shot but can we talk about how unrealistic that shot was tho. it doesnt make any physical sense how bellamy shot paul from the vent especially at that angle. but alas i guess along with bending fire to protect his beautiful head of hair bellamy also defines nature and physics

you know i fully believe that bellamy has a 6 sense cuz he can literally sense when someone in danger and is in the right place at the right time

miller was ready to kill that guard full princess leia style

who was that reaper?? like was it indras past lover or something???

why is monroe the one to work the drill? i feel like there could have been someone more qualified

the exchange between lincoln and millers father was so flirty.... ship?? ngl i ship it more than lincoln and octavia

ravens jokes arent that bad wick. also did i miss something or did the show really didnt address how wick and raven got in this place?

oof this conversation got awkward real fast

i love wick’s surprised face at 18:16. hes like wow i really killed a guy and raven just said “welcome to the ground”

look at that modern painting behind dante. daredevil anyone??

preach dante. preach. your boy cage is a terrible leader

yeah i agree with wick. raven you should have just brought more bombs that was bad on your part

only white boi wick would be smiling and nodding while there are people pointing guns at him.

look at those shields. i like to think that they actually took the time to practice these formations...but evidently they needed a better formation

lincoln being katniss everdeen. ok lincoln i see you

bellamy is just one with these vents now. theyre really his main mode of transportation

“then we kill him”...by ‘we’ you mean that bellamy is going to kill cage. jasper you really adding to bellamys already heavy load.

MONTY!!! :)

of the tree people?? no dont give octavia that.

this was soooooo anticlamatic. this is because clarke did not kiss you back huh. lexa you dumbbitch you can just double cross the mountain people and help clarkes people. do you even have a heart lexa? imo this is lexa just being a salty bitch to clarke. like you guys can argue with me all you want about this is lexa being a ‘badass’ leader and doing what was best for her but it wont change my opinion at all

look at octavia staying loyal to bellamy. cute but ooo jackson is leaving too i mean i guess i wouldnt trust octavia either

i also find it comical that all within the same episode indra accepts her as one of the tree people and only then to strip her of that minutes later

why are some of the cages hung up like that tho?? like i think they showed the hanging cages in previous episode but in this episode its hanging cages with open doors implying that whoever was in that cage had to jump down for idk how many stories to be free. but also how did they open those cages all the way up there because from when they took bellamy we know that they need a physical key to unlock the door. i guess this was all for making the show look cool and edgy but its just making me scratch my brain

aww i ship raven and wick so hard. my favorite ship yet

fuck you dante. i knew you would turn.

this was the worst episode yet. i swear its only monty and bellamy that is keeping me watching. and the show is kinda lacking in that area.

#the 100 #the 100 diaries #bellamy #clarke

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awhiskeyriver · 5 years ago

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This whole chapter makes me wish you were still taking DVD commentary just so I could know what they were thinking! Lol Loveee the bet and thank you so much for sharing your work and updating every week! Reading a new chapter is the highlight of my Sundays!

It’s the highlight of your Sundays? Thank you so much, that is seriously high praise and I truly appreciate you taking the time to check out my story. I’m so glad you’re liking it.

Okay, I’ll give everyone a little bit of insight into Peeta’s head from ch.10

*spoilers below. read at your own risk*

Here’s the thing. I 100% understand where everyone is coming from in feeling sorry for Katniss. The chapter as a whole was just not a whole lot of fun for her. But, Peeta is not a villain in all of this. Did he kiss another girl when he clearly has feelings for Katniss? Yes, but him and Katniss are not a couple. They are not dating. Peeta did not friend-zone her in ch.9 by simply stating that he doesn’t mind being friends…friendship is usually a stepping stone into something more. He never said they could only ever be friends and nothing else, he was furthering their growth process by taking it to the next level–friendship. That being said, Peeta is well within his rights, as a single, adult to kiss whomever he wants. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, but he didn’t cheat or do anything wrong morally.

Okay, end of rant.

There was some highs and lows for Peeta in this chapter. Just when he feels like his and Katniss’s friendship is moving forward, possibly progressing into more, she throws him off by saying he should ask Portia out.

Ouch. He’d been debating back and forth in his mind whether or not Katniss was flirting with him (regularly), whether or not they were on the same page. If she could potentially be his girlfriend and then hard breaks. She’s not interested that way. Major blow.

The football game was fantastic. They won against their biggest competition, they’re one step closer to playoffs and it was Peeta’s secret play he’d been working on that won them the game in over time. All of this while Katniss admitted to having been watching.

Katniss. Katniss. Katniss.

Try as he might, he just can’t stop thinking about Katniss. Katniss, who wants him to date Portia. Katniss who isn’t interested in anything more than friendship. Damnit, he wants to text Katniss and see if she watched the rest of the game–but that’s narcissistic and he’s afraid she’ll take it the wrong way. Never mind. He could text her about other things, though? No. If she wanted to talk to him, she would text him.

He goes out with his friends, who are all excited and high off of the win. Celebrating with their girlfriends. Or cute girls they met in Ohio.

Katniss. Katniss. Katniss.

What was she doing back in Panem? Would she want to meet up and study again at the library? He debates texting her again, but decides to get a drink instead. One drink turns into two and then all he can think about is how she wants him to date Portia. She wants him to date someone who isn’t her. She’s not interested.

Yeah, he’s pretty disappointed, but not with Katniss–with himself for allowing himself to believe that she was ever interested in anything more than friendship. Disappointed that she’s still all he can think about.

So when a girl comes up and starts flirting with him, hes originally skeptical of what she wants. He assumes that she is there for information one of his teammates, or to make someone jealous.

Quite honestly, he doesn’t care. If she wants a distraction, he’s more than willing to provide one because it’s what he’s seeking too. He’s not prepared when she tells him to follow her, or when she pressed him against the wall and pulls him in for a kiss. He’s not prepared because it’s been two years since he’s done anything like this.

But dammit, what was he waiting for? A girl who had basically told him in so many words to move on?

He didn’t want to move on. But if it was his only choice, he would.

#anon #ask #the bet

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toomuchbroadwayquotes · 5 years ago

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This might be ignored,its a long read, but if you want to have your forces restored on feminism my dead feminists i really wanted to share something that is making me tear up every 5 seconds.

As some of you might now, in my country (Brasil) we currently have a situation where our "president" is a misogynist (said he had a bunch of boys, they he went weak and have a daughter that's a "small" example for yall), homophobic ( said he would beat the gay out of his son if he ever "got it"), racist ( talking about killing native Indians and saying slaverism was a choice yadayada) anyways, just a piece of crap, we call him Bozo, like the clown. Well ever since his election we have been feeling so down (I'm sure my American friends can share the feeling). We are the country that kills more transexual people on the world. And it's not even illegal here, that would put into perspective. So, all this are real, serious problems, but bear with me as I get I little... naive maybe?. Well we had 20 seasons of BigBrother over here (Or BBB, Adding the Brasil at the end) and the show is on "the liberals tv channel, all the conservatives try to boycott it yadda yadda ") . But this season is just a gem. I feel like a revolution is happening and (I'm crying rn) I can't even put into words. Its gonna sound ridiculous, but you have to understand that 1) TV is a huge part of our culture, and is 100% connected with politics for us. 2)This show has been silencing woman, making men do anything they want without consequences and put woman as simple objects for their enjoyment. And somehow every year we wouldcomplain about how that was the reflection of our country. Something like this year edition NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

Our LGBT movies, Theather and books are being censoreds right now. Our country is on the verge of becoming a conservative doom.

The secretary of health system said :abstinence of sex is the best way to avoid DSTs and pregnancies. THATS HOW DEEP IN SHIT WE ARE. And we feel voiceless. Is like they are the majority you know?

Is like, you know when Katniss made every distric rebel by leading an example on the hunger games? Is THAT KIND OF SHIT. So, firsts things first:

I will introduce you the leaders of our current feminist movement

First, Thelma, she is not just ya regular powerful black queen. She is a doctor, with a bunch of degrees on stuff I can't even pronounce,she is specialized on anesthesia and she is a resident like those bad ass ones in grey's anatomy. She she is A BOSS. She is strong, and even though she is not 100% familiar with the feminism in "theory" she lives it in practice with out even knowing it ( now she knows, cause the other two are teaching her!) I want to make clear that on this reality show, the majority of the public has always been racist, and black people normally are eliminated first, yes it sucks and is one of the reasons I stopped watching a long time ago, as most of us millenials, but thank God we came back. She isn't going ANYWHERE CUZ WE ARE NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN.

The second one is Marcela, every since the first we saw her she said loud and clear:I AM A FEMINIST, she is also a Doctor. She calls her self doctor unicorn, she is an OB/GYN and choose her career because she wanted to fully support her transexual brother /yess/, she is also expert on female sexuality and give classes about it, think Carina Deluca. She also takes care of sexual abuse victims. Oh yeah, she is bisexual as well. And everyone is shipping her with the next one btw.

Now our last warrior: Gizelly, She is a Lawyer, and she advocates for woman, she has suffered all the types of abuse from her ex husband and after all the trauma, she decided no one would do that to her again. Feminist, we call her the hurricane, she just shoots fire and defends any woman that is being belittled.

What happened was, some guys decided they would "seduce"any woman who was in a relationship outside the reality show, so they would look bad, and be eliminated easily. Wellx those 3 heard that, and they just couldn't get quiet. They went and tell all the girls about it. Some of them didn't believe them, the guys said they were CRAZY, and were LYING (what a shock)

The confrontation scene:

So one of them said: If I am lying, I will be eliminated this round. If I'm back, then you are the lier. So, regular reality show stuff right?

Here are some things you should know: Marcela, the leader ( as she was the one with the initiatives) was anonymous when she first got on the show, and 13 days later, she had 2 MILLION FOLLOWERS. Every feminist, every LGBT+ and ally on this country just woke up ya know?. We were all mad as hell that they were being treated as liars, but, and that's a HUGE but, the guy mentioned earlier was against one that was even worse. He was touching inappropriately the girls while they were completely DRUNK at the parties ( they wouldn't remember later), he was the one who actually made said plan mentioned before, but they didn't knew at the house because he was a completely different person when he was alone with the guys. A complete scumbag, he mocked and made fun of every woman on the house because of their looks etc. Sooo, all those millions of feminists watching were like : "do we take the biggest jerk and make the girls think we think they are lying or ?" Well, we decided to take the bigger toxic monster first, and left the other one for the next. But we had a special card. Every year, after the show starts, they put a glass house in the middle of a mall, with 4 candidates inside, we vote for 2 of them to be on the actual show yada yada. What happened was:people started showing off by the mall, with posters, begging for whomever got in the house to :"PLEASE TELL THE GIRLS EVERYONE BELIEVE THEM. THAT THEY ARE NOT LYING. THAT THEY HAVE MILLIONS OF SUPPORTERS. THAT HE ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE THE OTHER WAS WORSE ETC"

So, last night was elimination day, the worst one got out with 80% elimination A victory for us (there were 4 people on this run, and one of them is a Black guy, fat, older than everyone else, and by history, he would obviously be the first eliminated but he was the one with LESS VOTES. AGAIN THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED IN OUR COUNTRY SPECIALLY SINC THE FOURTH PERSON COMPETING IS A CARISMATIC YOUNG KOREAN MAGICIAN YOUTUBER WITH A NETWORTH OF MILLIONS, BUT THE BLACK GUY WAS LESS VOTED THAN HIM, GUYS I CAN'T STOP WRITING IN CAPS.The second worst one tho, comeback celebrating, saying he knew he was right. Singing victory. The girls were crashed. No one understood and they all started crying and talking about how it was a reflection of our country, but that they wouldn't change their ideals etc. (Again, they didn't knew everything trash bag number one did, cuz he did it in secret so they thought it was an answer)... well, 2am, the couple from the glass house got in. And they told them. They said everything. How the public loves them, and the why the other one got out first, and how we knew they were saying the truth. This part is just a sweet ending for y'all. They then proceeded to get all the woman in one bedroom and talked and talked, they even explained to the ones who had some deep patriarchal mindset and were believing the boys up until that point, they had conversations about feminism, about not accepting to be treated that way, they cried, they were so relieved, it's silly because is a reality show, but last night everyone felt like we were supported. Like, people got our backs! People agree that we wont take that bullshit anymore. In other editions those guys would be the handsome guys that all the girls would die to be with, you know? But know they are the villains. It happened. The girls are not the crazy ones. They are not the powerless wones. They were the STRONG ONES forming OPINIONS, moving the big pieces on the board.

I can't even talk about how this will impact on many young girls, especially with all those girls having such strong stories you know? Today is a reality show but whatch us on the booting vote! Watch us at the March's. Just watch us. I'm telling y'all. Brasil is gonna turn this shit upside down.

Anyways here is a little clip of when our guardian Angel Dan, told the girls that they should trust Marcela's word

The relief the felt, we all felt. Having your word taken seriously after being called crazy and lier...

( even the production of the show tryied to deny the guys plan was real before the videos started pouring up, and they had to take back after saying on national television that Marcela was lying. Because that was the standard)

#big brother #BBB #Big Brother Brazil #big brother brasil #marcela mc gowan #Feminism #third wave feminism #inclusive feminism #liberal feminism #lgbt+

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johannas-motivational-insults · 5 years ago

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9 and 37?

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

Hmm at this point I’d have to say Satisfaction. Any smut fic or fic involving smut is always challenging to write, because you (or at least I) want to keep it fresh and interesting and get across something more than just the sex, without resorting to being clinical. But this one was especially tricky because it was just as much a character study and a fucking essay to anyone who thinks sub!Catra could ever be a thing as it was a smut fic, and because the content was very delicate and I needed to make sure it was getting across exactly what I was trying to say and nothing more, nothing less. So there was the usual slog of writing smut plus the paralysis of feeling like it needed to be perfect, and frustration when I couldn’t seem to get it right. That’s quite the combination, I’ll tell ya.

37. Talk about your current wips.

Oh, boy! I love this question. :D

In no particular order…

Demons (She-Ra, Catradora): This fic is basically therapy for myself and Catradora, and anyone in the fandom willing to brave the trigger warnings. It’s been taxing but extremely cathartic to write, as it’s essentially about what it’s like to be a survivor of child abuse. This fic really only has a plot to allow me to address whatever issues I want to, and it was originally supposed to be, like, 6 chapters. We’re going on 23 now, whoops! I really do love this fic, though, with my whole heart. It’s probably the most raw, profound, meaningful piece of writing I’ve ever done. I love She-Ra for how openly it deals with the long-term effects of abuse, and I can only hope I’ve done the canon story and characters justice.

Loyalty (Hunger Games, Joniss): This is my longest fic, both in terms of words (333k) and how long I’ve been working on it (5 years). Believe it or not, I am still plugging away. And actually, in some ways this might be the most meaningful piece I’ve written. It involves a lot of the same themes as Demons, like abuse and implied neurodivergence, but it’s all in the background, as this is much more of a plot-heavy fic. But a lot of really heavy subjects are addressed, and I like to think they’re examined in a deep but delicate way. This fic is full of twists and the character development is pretty damn next level, and the ship dynamics are super fun, as it always is when I write Johanna x Katniss. Honestly I love this fic to bits and I wish I had more time to work on it, but She-Ra is my current main special interest, so updates have been sparse lately. However, there is a new chapter coming soon, so go get yourself caught up! ;)

But I’m a Lumberjack (Hunger Games, Joniss): Oh boy, speaking of fun Hunger Games fics! This is my THG x But I’m a Cheerleader crossover, and it’s stupid but also really sweet? Man, I miss this fic. Another one I really want to get back to. I reversed the intuitive casting by making Johanna the oblivious lesbian and Katniss the asshole who totally knows she is gay, so they are both very snarky in this fic and it is hilarious. I mean, it’s especially funny for people who have watched BIAC, but yeah. It also has some heavy themes, like homophobia and child abuse (which seems to show up in basically all my fics? wonder why that could be), but all in all it’s a pretty fun, light-hearted fic.

Live With It (She-Ra, Catradora [past]): This is neither fun nor light-hearted. This story only exists because @jaelav3 absolutely trampled my heart with her one shot where Adora had killed Catra in battle years prior and was still grieving hardcore. I continued the story and made it hurt even more, but only so we could get to a more cathartic, tragic but hopeful ending. I promise, we will get there! Sorry, these first few chapters have been rough but I promise it will get better. Adora x Therapy, y’all!

Ice (The 100, Echo [gen]): This was my Echo backstory fic that I wrote as a companion piece to my multi-chapter Becho fic Building Trust. It’s fallen by the wayside a bit considering Echo’s actual backstory has since been revealed, but I reread it recently with the intention of leaving it unfinished but realized I really loved writing about the Ice Nation politics and potential relationships between its characters that were largely left unexplored. The last couple chapters are both over half-written so at some point I will finish it, god damnit. Oh btw it is also SUPER full of emotional and physical child abuse and it is just not a fun time, so it’s not a fic I ever really recommend to people. I kinda wrote this one for myself because I find the Ice Nation (and Echo in particular) fascinating.

Enough (Hunger Games, Joniss): This fic is another one that I’d classify as dumb but loveable. It’s my only un-betaed THG fic, so I feel like the quality is slightly lower than the others but it really just started as a fun little side project. Back when @jonissheadcanons-archive was active, there was a theme for a while of modern au ideas where Johanna was Katniss’s babysitter when they were kids. Someone else drew some adorable artwork of Johanna teaching Katniss to walk, and the heavens opened and this fic rained down on us. It’s actually pretty angsty, since there’s a lot of babygay pining and some really painful parallels to canon (for instance, Katniss’s dad dies and mom goes nonfunctional and they end up in foster care), but there’s also a lot of goofy jokes, and nostalgia for those of us who remember the 1990′s.

Oh wow do I only have 6 WIPs? Damn, it felt like more.

40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers

#asks #akari-hope #ask games #writing asks #fanfic #spop #thg #the 100 #demons #peacekeeper au #but i'm a lumberjack #live with it #ice #babysitter au

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kriscme · 5 years ago

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One Life To Live

Hi Readers, this is a reposting of Chapter 24. I didn’t like parts of the ending so I rewrote it. I hope this makes Katniss’s thought process clearer. As always, thanks to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take” and thanks to you for reading. “The Chance You Didn’t Take” is on Ao3 and FanFiction. Chapter 24

Ready to move on with my life. I repeat this mantra at least a dozen times the following day. I say it as I walk to work. I say it as I clean the blackboard. I say it as I walk past the bakery. I say it as I pass through the Village gates on my way home. I’m still saying it when I go to answer the knock at the door, and I say it again when I see who it is. It’s Peeta.

He hangs back as if he’s unsure what kind of welcome he’ll get. He looks tired, with circles under his eyes, and his clothes are a little disheveled, like they’ve been slept in. One hand clutches a large, bulging paper bag. A silver ring with a love knot gleams dully on one finger. He gives me a hesitant smile. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” I say in return.

There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. If Peeta has a reason for being here, he’s slow to get to it. “Um, do you want to come in?” I ask. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for. I step back to give him room. He hesitates for a moment, as if considering it. “Thanks, but I can’t stay. I have to get into town. I just wanted to see you before I left. To give you this.” I take the bag he offers me. I unfold the top and see that it’s full of cookies. A least six different kinds. He has been busy. “And to apologize for the other night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I know none of it is your fault. I don’t why I did – I think it just reminded me – “ “Of another time?” I interject. “I thought that’s what happened. Memories are returning, then?” He nods. “Yeah, and at unexpected times and places. I was wrong to blame you that other time too, wasn’t I?” I shrug. “It’s not nice to be the last to know, especially when it concerns you,” I concede. “We – that is, Haymitch and I – thought Lace would have told you, since you’re engaged and all. That’s why we didn’t.” I refrain from mentioning that I had also threatened her. “I understand. It was Lace’s place to tell me. No one else.” We lapse into silence again, but even though Peeta has said what he came to say, he makes no move to go. “I missed you this morning,” I blurt out, when the silence becomes untenable. I want to kick myself. The plan was to pretend I hadn’t noticed. But I waited nearly fifteen minutes for him to show when I shouldn’t have even given him one second. He was the one at fault, not me. As the day progressed, the anger built. I kept it leashed when I was with the children, but when Max started on me with his usual teasing, he got the full force of it, and he left me alone. And I know he was just dying to pester me for details of what happened at the pub. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” he says, all contrition. “I’ve had a couple of rough nights and I slept in. I ended up taking the day off work.”

“Oh,” I feel myself soften a little. That’s something I can relate to. He does look very tired, exhausted even. And there’s something about it that’s familiar, a sort of haunted look about the eyes. I guess it takes one to know one. “Nightmares?” “Yeah, I’ve been having them for a while now. They came with the memories, but the ones just lately . . .” He doesn’t finish, but looks away, as if he can’t meet my eye. “They’ve got worse?” I prompt. “No. Not worse, just . . . different.” I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn’t. Maybe he wants me to ask. He seems to be waiting for something. But I don’t want to know about his nightmares. If he wants to talk to someone about them, he has Lace. “I guess it’s the cost of finding yourself,” I say rather unhelpfully. “But I sympathise about the nightmares. They can be brutal.” Unbidden, a hint of animosity creeps into my voice. That guest room ban still rankles. “I’ve found that out,” he replies. “I’m sorry now that I wasn’t more understanding of yours. I suppose you can add that to the list of the many things I have to be sorry about.” There’s another pause. He wants me to ask what they are, I know he does. But I’m tired of this round-a-bout way of conversing. It’s confusing me. If he has something to tell me, why doesn’t he just say it straight out? I thought he was in a hurry to get into town, anyway. “Well, thanks for the cookies. There’s enough to keep me going for weeks, but I’m sure Marcus will help out.” I don’t know why I bring up Marcus, except to show Peeta that I can have someone too if I want. “I’d better not keep you any longer.” He does that looking away thing again. “You’re right, I should be going. I have a lot to do.” He turns back to me with a sad smile. “Bye Katniss. I guess I’ll see you around.” I watch him pass through the Village Gates and then disappear from sight. He seems so forlorn, almost defeated. The nightmares must have come back with a vengeance. And I suppose this business with Lace has knocked him around a bit too. I have an impulse to run after him and put my arms around him, to give comfort in any way I can. I don’t act on it, of course. Besides, what did he mean by “I’ll see you around?” Surely, he should have said, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He’s decided not to walk with me into town anymore then. I suppose he’s realized that he can’t continue to cling to the friendship the way he has, not when he’s to marry in a few weeks. I don’t know whether to feel anger or relief. I decide on relief. It will be easier for us both.

Johanna comes over for a visit, conveniently right on dinnertime. We sneak in a few words about Peeta while Marcus isn’t listening, but she has little to add to what she told me last night, other than the locket is still by the phone where he left it.

After dinner, Johanna and I decide to visit Haymitch. Marcus is occupied pouring over maps so we won’t be missed. Unfortunately, our timing is off. Haymitch has settled into his favorite lounge chair with a bottle of white liquor and a big paper bag of cookies beside him. “One Life to Live” is about to start and this particular episode has been promoted as not to be missed. Apparently, Celia is to lose the chaste in Chastely. Johanna and I clear a space on the sofa and sit down. There’ll be no real conversation until “One Life to Live” is over. I sigh. You have to be brain dead to enjoy this show. But then I see Haymitch take a swig of his liquor. I guess he’d have lost a significant number of brain cells by now. The show opens with Ginger having the final fitting for her wedding gown. “She looks like a giant puff-ball,” comments Johanna. “It’s to hide her pregnancy. It must be quite advanced by now,” I say. “Quiet!” barks Haymitch. Chastised, Johanna and I turn our attention back to the TV. Blake and Ginger are consulting with the caterers over the menu for the reception. Ginger wants it all to be ginger-colored to go with her name. She decides on sweet potato souffle, lobster with thousand island dressing and blood orange jelly with carrot ice-cream for dessert. Blake is apathetic about it. He looks like a man who’s given up all hope. His roguish older brother, Ryder, who accompanies them, tries to cheer him up with a dirty joke, but it barely raises a smile. Meanwhile, it appears that Celia has got herself a boyfriend. Her parents enthusiastically approve. His name is Lance Bounder and his family owns the largest marijuana plantation in the district. Actually, it’s grown and sold as hemp, but everyone knows where the real source of the Bounders’ wealth comes from and it isn’t rope. On the surface, Lance is perfect for Celia. Amazingly good looking with abs to die for. Wealthy, charming, loves horses and small fluffy animals and, most importantly, shares the Chastely passion for organic farming. On this day, Celia is spending the day at the Bounder mansion. The rest of the family is out, leaving Celia and Lance all alone. Lance reaches into a dish for what looks like dried-up grass, and stuffs it into a small pipe. After it’s lit, he offers it to Celia. “I couldn’t possibly,” says Celia. “I don’t approve of mind-altering drugs.” “It’s 100 per cent organic,” says Lance. “Oh, alright then,” says Celia, and takes a puff. And another. And then another. Celia loses all inhibition. Clothes are strewn the length of the room and soon Celia and Lance are engaged in passionate sex. “Wow,” Johanna whispers to me. “Outside of the porn channel, I didn’t know they allowed this sort of thing on television. Is he licking her – “ “Yes,” I say quickly before she can say the word. “It looks as if he’s trying to reach her tonsils.” After they’ve tried multiple positions, they call out for the gardener. He’s been clipping the same hedge by the window since soon after they started.

“What are they doing?” I whisper to Johanna.

“Making a sandwich,” she replies. Eventually, all three of them collapse exhausted. The camera pans over Celia’s face. The corners of her mouth curve into a satisfied smile. “She’s going to regret it the next day,” murmurs Johanna in my ear. “Why do you think that?” Celia seems very content to me. “Urinary tract infection. Believe me, I know,” she answers. Next, we see Blake and Ryder on the porch of the Knightly home having a drink together. A glorious sunset delineates the oil rigs in the distance, but Blake is blind to its beauty. He’s sunk in despondency. Ryder watches him, deeply worried. The episode ends with Ginger meeting secretly with the real father of her baby – the lead guitarist in the punk rock band “The Sucking Mosquitos.” She tells him that soon after the baby is born, she intends to file for divorce and get half of Blake’s fortune. The lovers seal their dastardly plan with a passionate kiss.

The closing credits roll. Haymitch fumbles around for the remote control, eventually finds it down the side of the chair, and turns off the television. “So, what do you two want?” he asks crossly. I guess I should have remembered that Monday nights are special to Haymitch. He likes to sit and relax with his favorite soap while imbibing a bottle or two of some alcoholic beverage. “Can’t we just visit a neighbor without wanting anything?” I reply. “It would be a first. So, what is it? Information about the boy? What makes you think I have any?” “That bag of cookies for a start,” says Johanna. “We know he’s been here. Peeta made enough to feed an army. We’re concerned for him, that’s all.” Haymitch’s eyes travel to Johanna before landing on me. He looks skeptical. And then he shrugs. “Memories are coming thick and fast and he doesn’t know what to do with them. He says they’re all mixed up in his head. He had a lot of questions about what happened in 13.” He looks in my direction. “Your reaction to his capture. How you came to be the Mockingjay. Questions like that.” “What did you tell him?” I ask. “The truth. That you became the Mockingjay so he’d have immunity. How I got the scars on my face. Why he was rescued.” “What he did he say?” “He said you must have cared for him very much.” “And?” “That’s all. He didn’t have any other questions. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Only tell him what he asks?” “But how did he seem? Was he happy about it?” Haymitch pauses as if can’t decide to be truthful or tactful. He settles on his usual bluntness. “He seemed upset.” My heart sinks. For the briefest of moments, hope had flared. But it was simply another false alarm, like always. Haymitch opens his mouth to add something, but his attention is claimed by Johanna. “Did he tell you what happened with Lace?” she demands.

Through a fog, I hear them talk about what happened at the pub and Peeta’s reaction to it. Only one thought reverberates through my brain. He knows! He knows! And then: he wasn’t happy about it. The very opposite, in fact. “. . . making a mistake. But it’s up to him. Katniss, what do you think?” “Hmm? Ah, yes. Up to him,” I stammer out. Johanna gives me an odd look and then goes back to talking with Haymitch. “Are you alright?” she asks, shortly after we leave. “You’re acting weird, even for you.” I scowl at her. “I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all.” “Better have an early night then.” Johanna lets out a massive yawn. “Actually, I think I could do with one myself. ‘night.” “Goodnight.”

Johanna makes the short journey across the road to Peeta’s house, while I make the even shorter one to my house next door. But I don’t go in. Instead I sit down on the porch steps. I need to think. Was there anything I missed, in that strange conversation I had with Peeta? There might be some hope in all that gloom. I know Peeta had called in on Haymitch first. He must have, because he left to go into town after he called in on me. That means he knew then how I feel about him. I go over what was said. He told me he’s having nightmares. There’s nothing unusual in that, though. Most of us who have gone through the Games have nightmares. And then he said he has things to be sorry about. But that’s just a natural consequence of regaining one’s memories. Nearly everyone has something they wish they could take back, or do differently. So, nothing he said tells me anything. But the way he acted did. Haymitch said he was upset when he heard, and he wasn’t happy when he came to see me either. He’d be glad, wouldn’t he, if my being in love with him was a good thing? Of course, he would. It was unwelcomed then. That explains why he could hardly look me in the eye. It’s awkward when someone loves you and you don’t return it. I remember that feeling with Gale. You feel bad. Bad for them. And bad for yourself, because whatever easy relationship you had can never be the same again. That’s why he’s not walking with me into town anymore. He knows he has to separate himself from me for my sake, as well as his own. He can’t be with Lace, and knowingly continue a friendship with someone he knows is in love with him. I want to crawl into a hole and die. It’s what I’ve been dreading all along. I am so humiliated. For once heartbreak doesn’t come into it. I’ve been dealing with that for months. But I had my pride. And now I don’t even have that. How can I face him, knowing that he knows? He’s probably gone over in his head all the clues he’s missed. My moods, my insistence that he find his former self. What a fool I’ve been thinking that it would make any difference. If he loved me, he’d love me, memories or not. The hijacking wasn’t the cause. His love for me had simply burned out. Or he’s been right all this time. It was illusion. Never real in the first place. How stupid I’ve been. Peeta’s been telling me all along how he feels, but I’ve refused to accept it. I don’t know how long I stay on the porch. It’s like I can’t move, because to do so will require some kind of action, or emotion on my part. A great weariness seems to have pervaded my very bones. I haven’t felt this way since those early days when I returned to 12, when my entire world had shrunk to an old rocker in a corner of my kitchen. It seems such a comforting thing, to shut the world out entirely, and not have to deal with it. Across the road, I see the lights in Peeta’s house go out. Johanna has retired for the night then. Haymitch is still up. Even from here I can hear his television blaring. Whether I participate or not, life goes on.

I stretch out my stiffened legs and rise from the porch. Perhaps this is for the best, this end of hope. I can give up this game. That the question of whether I can regain Peeta’s love has been answered, even if that answer is a resounding no. I’m now entirely free to act as I wish because whatever I do won’t make a scrap of difference as far as Peeta is concerned. I can survive this just as I’ve survived everything else. I know I can. It might even mark the start of something new and exciting. I’ll try every food at the feast. Or I could be like Peeta. He found love again. What did he say to me once long ago, when I despaired that I will never again be loved as he had loved me? “I hope that you will, and it will the kind of love where you both feel the same way about each other." Marcus has started to pack away his maps when I enter the house. “How was Haymitch?” he asks. “He’s good. We had to sit through “One Life to Live” though. Celia lost her virginity and Blake is miserable. That’s all you really need to know.” “Good to see the tables turned for a change. And no, I don’t watch it, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve just seen the advertising on TV for it.” I walk over to the table and peer down at one of the charts. It’s an aerial photograph of the lake area. A small square structure at the edge of the lake must be the concrete house. Marcus comes to stand close behind me. “I’ve been mapping out walks we can do from the lake. Nothing too arduous. I thought it would be nice if we have time to simply relax and enjoy the surroundings. Here, I’ll show you one of them.” He takes one of my hands and traces a loop that takes in a densely wooded area nearby. I know it well.

His body is warm against my back, and I press into it. The hand that covers mine comes to rest around my waist to pull me closer. Something stirs in me, something primitive and wholly physical that has been suppressed for far too long. And there’s something else too. The need for human contact? Affection? Reassurance that even if Peeta doesn’t want me I’m still desirable and worthy of being loved? I don’t know and I don’t stop to analyze it. I’m done with thinking. I want to be a creature purely of the senses, unconcerned with anything beyond this moment. His free hand pushes aside my braid and his head dips to nuzzle my neck. His beard, rough and soft at the same time, sends tiny shockwaves of pleasure down the entire length of my body. And when I turn within the circle of his arms, his lips are waiting for me.

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saltpepperbeard · 6 years ago

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☕️ galey bird

THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS, ANON LOL. THAT NAME ALONE IS ENOUGHTO INDUCE RAGE. I honestly can’t even watch THG anymore without snapping somekind of something/shouting profanity at him whenever he comes on screen lol. SOYES, LET’S DISCUSS THIS LOVELY INDIVIDUAL SHALL WE. I’m about to go on a HELLof a tangent, because I of course have OPINIONS™. Some of which actually aren’t that bad actually lmao BUT I DIGRESS; HE ALWAYS MAKES ME EXTRA AF-

*Lowers the Extra Meter* Okay. In all honesty, I canappreciate Gale as a character. He’s written well, and he’s rather complex. Heis very hardheaded and sticks to his goals, so much so that he isn’t afraid tothrow other people completely out of the way. Very very strong-willed, veryvery loyal, and very very fiery. Definitely makes for an interesting character.

…HOWEVER LOL, my appreciation for him is very quickly tarnisheddue to how he treats Katniss throughout the series. And how he acts in responseto her actions/motivations.

I will say, their relationship was acceptable in THG. Heactually was tolerable during this book, as I appreciated their friendship/howthey’d been hunting together for the majority of their lives. And how they’dbeen helping their families along after the mining accident. Even BEFORE Istarted shipping Everlark however, and even BEFORE I knew Everlark was endgame,I didn’t hop on any kind of romantic Katniss x Gale train. I viewed them onlyas hunting partners, and as friends.

Soooooo when mr. gALEY BIRD started showing feelings forKatniss, and when he made things worse by being an ASS about it lol, my likingfor him began to drop.

It’s very clear fromthe beginning of CF that Katniss wasn’t wild about romantic involvement withGale. She talks a lot about their families managing during the food shortagesand what not, but then she also goes on to say “I’m sure plenty of peopleassumed that we’d eventually get married even if I never gave it any thought.”And then she mentions Peeta and how she’s unsure of how exactly she feelstowards him. But like, STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE “i never thought to marry galelmao.”

And THEN, he randomly kisses her right. And instead of beinglike “oooh that’s nice :),” she literally sits by the fence and has to decidewhether she liked it or resented it. And thought about Peeta. And just wenthome lmao. And decided to prepare a speech about “never wanting a boyfriend andnever planned on marrying.” LIKE…SHE WAS PRETTY CLEAR.

But he continues to lay it on thick in CF, and goes fromlike 0 to 100 flirt wise whenever he can. I think because he gets majorlyjealous of Peeta, and tries to win her affections back from him. But like…Hedoesn’t seem to respect her feelings towards Peeta at all. She’s MAJORLYconfused/conflicted in early CF, because Gale’s coming at her and she’s like“tf this is my best friend i Don’t Want This but i’m Hurting Him” and thenshe’s like “everything i did with peeta was for the games…bUT WAS IT REALLYTHOUGH???” So she’s just in this STORM and he doesn’t really do anything toalleviate that.

AND OKAY, TO BE FAIR LOL, both boys were actually erring onthe problematic/entitled side in early CF. Peeta was all pissy because he“didn’t want to forget” and consequently went cold on Katniss for a bit, andthen Gale’s advances are only met with Katniss going :/. SHOUTOUT TO THE “ILOVE YOU/I KNOW” LMAO.

BUT, difference between Gale and Peeta, Peeta apologizes forhis actions. He has a conversation with her about it, and decides to start overas friends, which she appreciates. Because she mentions something about wantinga regular, uncomplicated friendship with Gale again, but he doesn’t even giveher that option. He just keeps pushing and getting more possessive, especiallyas she gets closer with Peeta.

And of course my favorite example of the disconnect with howGale/Peeta treat her is the lovely “running away” example lmao. When she asksGale, he picks her up and is all for it, but sours up the second she mentionsPeeta/refuses his advances. Peeta on the other hand, agrees, asks if Gale iscoming, and is completely fine with everything. While Peeta did admit to beingjealous of Gale, he doesn’t…ACT LIKE AN ASS ABOUT IT LOL. He’s willing totolerate him if it means Katniss is happy. Matter of fact, to quote from thefreaking BEACH KISS-

“Peeta’s intention is clear. That Gale really is my family,or will be one day, if I live. That I’ll marry him. So Peeta’s giving me hislife and Gale at the same time. To let me know I shouldn’t ever have doubtsabout it.”

LIKE??? HOLY SHIT LOL. GALE WOULD NEVER, MY DUDE. “You canmarry Peeta it’s okay Katnip I know you love him” LIKE LOL NOPE FALSE FAKE NEWS.

He even went out of his way to help Gale after he gotwhipped too. He took him back to the house, watched over him for Katniss, andwhile he was probably feeling jealous, did NOT complain about it. Just makes methink of Gale not giving a shit about Peeta suffering in the Capitol lmao.

…HEY SPEAKING OF MOCKINGJAY LOL, I GET PARTICULARLYJKJSLDKSDS. Mockingjay is weird actually, because unlike THG/CF, there’s a characterization rift between the books and the movies, at least in the first half. During the first part of the book, it seems like the thing that predominantly drives a wedge between him and Katniss is his commitment to war/fighting/killing. He starts really getting into it, wanting to appease Coin, making deadly traps, etc. And a lot of anger erupts between him and Katniss consequently.

Because, she of course can’t kill senselessly, and death is extremely personal to her. But to him, it’s not; he can easily GRA-TA-TA without much thought, as long as it means he comes out on top. And throughout Mockingjay, it seems Katniss can tolerate that mindset less and less. Which of course leads to her saying “I don’t need Gale’s fire. I have plenty of fire myself.” He starts thinking like the people she’s been trying to fight, so he later turns into the enemy himself.

SCREWS HIMSELF RIGHT OVER, HE DOES.

And like…I can actually appreciate having him fight so selflessly? Like, a lot of D12 citizens definitely would have died without him jumping into action. He definitely doesn’t hesitate to fight for what he believes in, and that’s admirable. But he just…starts going about it the wrong way in Mockingjay, especially towards the end. And that’s just…can’t hAVE THAT, MY GUY.

Buutttttt then we have movie!Gale lmao. And I think Gale in both of the Mockingjay movies is predominantly where most of my salt comes from. Which. yeah yeah I know, naysayers; it’s technically not fair because that’s simply an adaptation of his character. BUT IT’S STILL HIM IN THE END LMAO SO I JUST.

On top of his war commitment, there’s also major possessiveness/jealousy still going on, which makes him all the more difficult to bare lol. Like in the movies, he doesn’t care about the fact that Peeta’s suffering at ALL. He glares at Katniss when she watches propos, he refuses to support Peeta whatsoever, he makes all sorts of backhand comments…And then oddly enough is the first to volunteer for Peeta’s rescue lmao. THAT doesn’t make sense. His characterization doesn’t know what it wants to do in those movies. (And then like also he wants to kill those in the Capitol without much thought but then says it’s not fair to hunt the buck in D13 like????) Other than iNDUCE ANGER.

In the books, he at least backed off his advancements towards Katniss, which she said she appreciated because she felt like they could just be friends again. Though, I’m not sure if it was entirely genuine/coming from the right place? Katniss mentioned something about Peeta being out of the picture and the fake-marriage thing not hanging over Gale’s head, which in turn made him a Normal Freaking Person again. Which…KIND of makes me narrow my eyes, because like…he should have just acted normal around her like that REGARDLESS of what was going on, REGARDLESS if Peeta was there or not.

“WHAT WOULD PEETA MELLARK DO.”

And it’s so unfortunate because she legitimately appreciated his company/their friendship. Idk why he had to get so bent out of shape about trying to get her to love him back, and getting pissy when she started to fall for someone else instead. Like, I’m sure if he had just held his tongue, it would’ve made things way easier on their friendship.

It also makes a little more sense that he volunteered to save Peeta in the books, because he AT LEAST wasn’t pissed off towards him 24/7 like he was in the movies lol. I imagine his jealousy was still there, but he was probably doing it to make Katniss happy. He was probably trying to score some points with her lmao.

Jodi? Not trusting Gale at all? IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK.

And then I feel like the characterization matches back up for the second half of Mockingjay/MJ2. He starts getting all possessive again with Peeta back in the picture, and his attitude towards fighting gets completely amplified when they’re in an actual warzone. Annndd so therefore I start getting mad at him all over again lmao.

It actually makes me my angriest whenever he complains about Katniss kissing him and it not feeling genuine, whenever he lowkey highkey manipulates her into trying to fight by saying “I don’t think Snow used any rulebooks when he hijacked Peeta,” and when he says he’ll kILL PEETA WHENEVER THE CHANCE ARISES LIKE??? YO. IT MAKES ME SO READY TO FIGHT HIM LOL.

SO. TL;MAJORLYdr, I’m okay with him in both the movie and book of THG, NOT okay with him in the movie and book of CF, OKAY with him in the early part of the book in MJ, but NOT okay with him in the later half or the two MJ movies.

It’s like…Essentially, I appreciate his friendship with Katniss. I like when they cooperate, and when their fiery attitudes kind of match each other. But he tarnishes that whenever something else comes into the picture, be it war or Peeta. He kind of turns their friendship on its head for the sake of wanting to fight a certain way, or by trying to get Katniss into loving him when all she wants is a friendship.

And it’s sO…Like I almost feel bad for them, more so for Katniss though lmao. Like if he had just been more patient with her, and more understanding of what she wanted, then maybe things would have turned out better between them. Like, MAYBE they could have still been friends after the rebellion, and wouldn’t have to throw away years of friendship.

Buutttt he didn’t, chose instead to be problematic on multiple accounts, and so I’m definitely clinging to Peeta lmao, tHE GENTLE AND UNDERSTANDING ONE.

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queenlawrenceskingdom · 6 years ago

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The Hunger Games: The Tributes

I recently returned to Tumblr, and with that decision came a thirst to return to the roots of the fandom that got me here in the first place. So here I am doing a reread of the entire thg series, along with some analysis, quotes, and questions along the way! I’ve decided to make posts for each of the three sections of each book, so here goes the first one.

The Tributes

At the beginning of this book, I think it’s only right that we start with Katniss talking about Prim. The entire series always comes back to it, because Katniss time and time again is working to protect her. Whether it be from bad dreams before her first reaping or the horrors later on, Katniss’ central motivator is her little sister. At times she seems to be a little too overprotective at great cost to herself, obviously by volunteering but also by refusing to let her take out tesserae. We meet Gale, and I’ve always wondered how he learned to snare and when he started going into the woods. Were their fathers friends, or did take their children to the woods separately? Did they ever intend to work together, or did they without the kids knowing?

The word “rebellion” is first stated on page 5, which is no accident on Suzanne Collins’ part. In the first 80 pages alone it’s mentioned 6 times, which is more than the rest of the book. She talks about the punishments of rebellion, the rebellion 74 years prior, and her thoughts when Haymitch remarks about how her at Peeta holding hands on the chariot could be seen as rebellious. From the start of the series, Katniss has been instigating rebellion even when she doesn’t mean to. Poaching, refusing children, volunteering for her sister (instead of the “honor”), shooting at the Gamemakers, showing solidarity with Peeta. I’m sure President Snow approves of none of that.

Before Katniss ever goes into the Games, I already have a sense of some mental health issues with her. It would be an easy diagnosis for her, a sudden death of her father, the sequential “loss” of her mother, and the responsibility of head of the household being thrust on her small 11-year-old shoulders. She is very doubtful of people who want to help her and finds it hard to understand how people can be kind and not expect anything in return. With this, she has a soft spot for kindness so maybe that’s why she doesn’t care for it much. I’m not an expert on mental health, but it wasn’t easy for her to take this in such a short amount of time, and there’s obviously some residual trauma she has to deal with. She talks about nightmares of her father’s death, is constantly worrying about anything and everything, and describes herself in negative ways. Some quotes to support my thoughts:

"Gale says I never smile except in the woods.”

“I learned to hold my tongue and to turn my features into an indifferent mask so that no one could ever read my thoughts”

“I’m not the forgiving type.”

“[Peeta] gives my hand hat I think is meant to be a reassuring squeeze. Maybe it’s just a nervous spasm.”

“A kind Peeta Mellark is far more dangerous to me than an unkind one. Kind people have a way of working their way inside me and rooting there”

“He gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me. A warning bell goes off in my head. Don’t be so stupid... He is luring you in to make you easy prey. The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.”

She has closed herself off so much and never seemed to have found healthy coping mechanisms. Sure she feels better out in the woods where she used to spend time with her father, but inside the fence she hasn’t found a way to be happy in her day-to-day life. This will only exaggerate after the Games.

Katniss’ friendship with Madge has always been strange to me. As the mayor’s daughter you’d think Madge would have been a part of the popular group in school, but she “keeps to herself... [and] neither of us really has a group of friends”. They eat lunch and partner in gym class in relative silence, which just seems awkward even if they are shy people. Madge is originally wearing the mockingjay pin when Katniss and Gale go to sell strawberries which to me marked her as an important character for the rest of the series. Madge’s absence in the films was a bummer because she has such an interesting and complex connection to the story that was lost when they removed her. When she goes to visit Katniss in the Justice Building, we knows she gives Katniss the pin but we’re not entirely sure why. “There’s an urgency in her tone” when she gives it to Katniss, and doesn’t really take no for an answer when she pins it to her dress. It also may just be me wanting to find something, but I’ve always had an underlying thought that Madge has a crush on Katniss. The kiss on the cheek, the silent (nervous?) presence around Katniss, not being part of the “popular” crowd, maybe she was outcast by her peers for this reason. I would be 100% supportive of a bisexual Madge. This was a pretty short scene on paper, but there’s a lot of meaning with the pin that we’ll discuss as we get further into the books.

The reaping itself gave me a lot of questions about how the Games came to be. We learn about the Dark Days and the Capitol extinguishing a rebellion that started the Games, but what were the districts rebelling against in the Dark Days? What was going so wrong that they wanted to rebel, and how much worse did it get with the implementation of the Games and other district punishments? District 12 has a population of 8,000, but we know this is the smallest district by far. Katniss thinks about this on her Victory Tour, but how do they host reapings with larger districts that may have 8,000 kids or more? Is there a protocol if the chosen child wasn’t at the reaping due to sudden severe illness, death, or they had run off across district boundaries like Gale wanted to do? I’ve also always wondered what happens if someone volunteers but the original tribute wants to go in the Games (like in 1 or 2), who decides?

When Katniss takes the stage, this is how I see the rebellion beginning. The silence of the crowd, the district gesture, a solidarity throughout the entire district. The rebels lost the original rebellion because they could not communicate and were fighting 13 individual wars, so President Snow is probably pretty weary of any sort of unification that doesn’t outright support the Capitol. I also love the juxtaposition that she can see the hills of the woods from the platform in the square. As she’s saying goodbye to her freedom, she is also saying goodbye to her freedom in the woods and her relatively safe existence. On a fun note, when Katniss gets to the train station and overanalyzes Peeta’s appearance in front of the cameras, we get our first description of Johanna Mason and her tactics in her Games.

Throughout the train ride and the initial prep, we learn a lot about the differences between how the Capitol and districts see the Games. Effie and Katniss’ prep team are so detached from the actual horrors of the Games the same way Nazis had no issue with seeing Jewish people as less. It’s not their fault, it’s how they were raised being in the Capitol and all they know. They may not realize it, but they see the tributes as subhuman and because Katniss has never experienced this before, she immediately doesn’t like any of them. She already feels like just a piece in the Games even though she won’t realize it for a while. Cinna is her saving grace, because he actually seems to understand how terrible the Games really are. Right away I suspect he is most likely part of the underground rebellion in the Capitol, if he thinks like that yet still wants to work with tributes and subsequently their mentors. When Katniss first meets him he says “I asked for District Twelve” and just keeps going as if it were common to request working with the “least desirable district”. We never get his full story, but I can only imagine what lead him to this life path.

Finally we start to see the beginnings of Everlark!! Katniss knows more about Peeta than she realizes and if they hadn’t been reaped I want to believe they’d still find each other. I could never actually Katniss making it in the mines and they have such history going back to their parents. We get our first flirty feeling from Katniss, even if she doesn’t know what that means. When Peeta complements her after the parade and smiles “unexpected warmth rushes through me”. I’ve always laughed at that remark because she’s so unused to desire and pleasure she has no understanding of what’s happening. They train together, they talk each other up, they have no clue of what’s to come. Katniss barely has a grip on the past when she realizes “I have kept track of the boy with the bread”. Her coldness throughout their training makes sense given her history of distancing herself from pleasure, such as when Prim had to “drag [her] over to admire [the cakes at the bakery]”. If it wasn’t functional she didn’t need it, so having frivolous things for enjoyment (boys) isn’t an option. Only later does she realize she can allow herself these things without harm.

As Effie tries to sell Katniss and Peeta, it’s an interesting slip-up that she says “if you put enough pressure on coal it turns to pearls”, especially when we know the significance of the pearl in the future. Another quote that pops out to me is when she talks about Lavinia, and says “you don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope”. She doesn’t know it now, but Katniss will be again be the face of hope for people who have nothing else to hope for. While training we see the parallels between Rue and Prim, who are both named after yellow flowers and resemble the same person to Katniss. Someone to protect.

When the interviews come, as much as she tries, Katniss isn’t going to get over her self-doubts just because Haymitch yelled at her so she isn’t very giving. She tried giving herself up, but it’s impossible when you’re talking to someone you don’t trust. When Peeta drops his bomb, we start to understand what his weapon is. While Katniss is lethal with a bow and has hunter instincts, Peeta can read people and moves a crowd with words. In his case, the pen really is more powerful than the sword.

Sassniss and other funny/interesting quotes

“District 12. Where you can starve to death in safety”

Exactly how am I supposed to work in a thank-you in there? Somehow it just won’t seem sincere if I’m trying to slit his throat.

So yes, I can handle a fork and knife. But I hate Effie’s comment so much I make a point of eating the rest of my meal with my fingers.

“Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation. A lot about televised behavior”. Peeta unexpectedly laughs. “He was drunk,” says Peeta. “He’s drunk every year.” “Every day,” I add.

“Up, up up! It’s going to be a big, big, big day!” I try and imagine, for a moment, what it must be like inside that woman’s head.

One time, my mother told me that I always eat like I’ll never see food again. And I said “I won’t unless I bring it home.” That shut her up.

“Can you hit anything with that knife besides a table?” - Haymitch

It’s hard to hate my prep team. They’re such total idiots.

“With all that alcohol in him, it’s probably not advisable to have him around an open flame.”

Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.

You get the feeling that the knot-tying class is not the Hunger Games hot spot.

“If only you could frost someone to death”

I try and animate my face as I recall the event, a true story, in which I’d foolishly challenged a black bear over the rights to a beehive.

“Thank you for your consideration,” I say. Then I give a slight bow and walk straight toward the exit without being dismissed.

I avoid looking at anyone as I take tiny spoonfuls of fish soup. The saltiness reminds me of my tears.

“Well, Catnip, stealing’s punishable by death, or hadn’t you heard?” he says... Gale’s eyes fastened on the bow. “Can I see that?” I hand it over. “Just remember, stealing’s punishable by death.”

“See, like this. I’m smiling at you even though you’re aggravating me.” “Yes, it feels very convincing.”

#lets have some activity with the discussion questions!#thgreread #the hunger games #everlark #sassniss #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #haymitch #effie #cinna #madge #this turned out a lot longer than i thought itd be sorry #backtopanem

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everlarkficexchange · 7 years ago

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A Tangled Web

Written by: @demisexualkatnisseverdeen

Prompt 100: “See, this is why no one lets you make the plans.” Pregnant,unwed, underage Prim will be punished unless Katniss hides the pregnancy, pretends baby is hers. Caught and tangling others into deception, Katniss agrees to another plan: marry Peeta, pretend it’s his so Prim can move on with her life. But then Rye forfeits bakery, claims child, wants to marry Prim. Only way to keep up lies and to let Prim have her own baby now is for Katniss to get pregnant, too, because of strict antiabortion laws. [submitted by Anonymous]

Rating: T for this chapter (rating will go up).

Author’s Note: Thanks to @ryrous for betaing this story. You took my hot mess of a story and made it better. Thanks to Anonymous for submitting this prompt. It was a lot of fun to write. Note that Peeta is the oldest sibling in my story and Rye is the youngest. I thought a teenage Prim being with a boy 6 years older would be majorly creepy. There are no games in this story but Panem is still a really terrible place to live because 13 is in charge. So 13 and the Capitol will be used interchangably. The people of 13 moved into the Capitol. Katniss is a little softer than in canon because she hasn’t had to face the Games and isn’t as afraid of children or marriage. I’ve been having a horrible time with the formatting so any weird errors are due to that.

Trigger Warnings: None for this section but there will be scenes of sexual violence and homophobia/homophobic language.

“Prim, what’s wrong?”

Katniss watched her sister retch into the nearly bare flower bushes. Prim had been sick a lot in the last few weeks, and Katniss was concerned. Prim wasn’t running a fever but refused Katniss’s advice to talk to their mom.

Prim didn’t reply, and Katniss wiped her face with a damp cloth; then, she started sobbing. Katniss felt her heart sink. She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what was wrong with Prim. Prim, her sweet, innocent little sister, must be pregnant.

“I’m pregnant, Katniss,” Prim sobbed. Katniss felt her stomach flip as she thought about what would happen. Her little sister was just fifteen years old. In Panem births were strictly controlled, and unwed mothers were sent to a home where they were forced to live until their children turned eighteen. These Community House women and children often died of starvation and disease. But anyone over the age of fourteen could marry and have children. Those who did received tesserae grain and oil until their children turned eighteen or until they married. This was District 13’s strategy with dealing with the massive under-population after the revolution, nearly twenty-five years ago.

“Who’s the father?” Katniss asked, trying to keep her voice gentle. She wondered if the answer would be Rory Hawthorne.

“I can’t tell you.” Prim whispered. “He’s a Merchant.”

Katniss felt her stomach drop again. The Merchants had plenty of money, but none would ever marry a Seam girl, even if she looked like a Merchant herself. Prim was half Merchant, but that didn’t count to people in town.

“I’ll deal with it. I promise you, Prim. I’ll deal with it.”

Katniss helped Prim to bed and laid the worn blanket on her sister’s shoulder before slipping outside. She was desperate. How could she save Prim?

She sat in the woods for hours until the idea came to her. She would raise the child as her own. Of course, the obvious problem was that Katniss was not married. Not even close to married. She had rejected marriage time and time again because she knew she needed to be there for Prim and because she didn’t want to end up like her mother– in love and unable to function.

Even if Katniss had married Gale, it wouldn’t have mattered. No one would have believed that two dark haired, grey eyed people would produce a child looking so Merchant. Prim’s baby was sure to be blond haired and blue eyed or, at the very least, some combination of that. Besides, Katniss doubted Gale would go along with this elaborate plan. He would want his own kids. He was married now anyway, so it didn’t matter.

There was only one solution. Take in Prim’s child and move to the Community House. Live there raising Prim’s child until the baby was eighteen. Katniss felt tears prick her eyes as she thought about the kind of life she would live there. There was a chance she might not even survive. But it was worth it. Katniss was a survivor; she was strong enough to handle it. Prim was not.

Katniss went back into the house and told Prim her plan. Prim listened in silence, looking more and more miserable by the moment. Then she said, “Katniss, you can’t. I made a mistake and I have to pay for it.”

“No. You’re my little sister. It’s my job to protect you. Besides I can handle this much better than you.” Katniss put on more bravado than she felt.

“You can’t do this.” Prim pleaded.

“Oh Katniss…” Katniss looked up to see her mother standing there. She must have overheard Prim talking. “You shouldn’t have to do this. Perhaps there are some herbs I can give you.”

Katniss knew what her mother was talking about. Herbs that caused a woman to lose a baby were strictly forbidden. If her mother was caught doing that, she could be killed.

“No,” Prim clutched her stomach and shook her head. “I’m not killing my baby.”

Katniss didn’t think of it that way but she didn’t say anything. Instead she just stood up and said, “We need bread.”

She needed to say goodbye to her own life. To all the people she cared about. To start facing the way people would look at her. The insults and jeers she would get for daring to get pregnant. She needed to say goodbye to Peeta. She wouldn’t be able to go out much after this. In order for the deception to work she would have to stay in the house with Prim until Prim’s delivery. Then she could go outside with the baby.

She had to say goodbye to Peeta. She couldn’t tell him the real reason, but he wouldn’t want anything more to do with her once he saw her with the baby. He had become her friend in the years since he had saved their lives by giving them bread. He was only two years older than her, but he was already nearly running the bakery. Despite his enviable job and good looks, Peeta hadn’t married. Perhaps his mother’s noticeably acid tongue and manners had made girls reluctant to marry him.

Katniss knocked on the kitchen door. She knew that Mrs. Mellark was already in bed, and Peeta’s father had died a few years before. Peeta’s bothers were rarely home. Leaven, who was Katniss’s age, went to the library and studied the dull books while Rye drank and went to the Slag Heap.

“Katniss, it’s so good to see you.” Peeta’s voice had sounded enthusiastic before it died away at one look at her face.

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” Katniss said softly.

“Goodbye? Are you moving?” Peeta looked distressed.

Katniss nodded, “To the Community Home.” She forced herself not to cry. For Prim. She reminded herself.

“You’re…” Peeta began. Katniss chose to nod. She felt nauseated with the deception, but it had to be done. She couldn’t look up to see the disapproval in his eyes.

“Is it…” Peeta began. She knew of course what Peeta meant. People had always thought she and Gale would make a match of it. Now that she was supposed to be pregnant, people would immediately suspect him. Fortunately Prim’s baby wouldn’t resemble him in the least. Thank goodness she hadn’t been with Rory.

“No,” she said softly. “It was a mistake. I drank too much…” That would be her story. It sounded credible.

“You don’t drink.” Peeta commented as he handed her a cup of tea.

“No, not usually.” Katniss replied. She felt tears start to fall but she fought them back. She would not cry.

“Katniss, you aren’t going to the Community Home. I’ll marry you myself and raise your child as my own.” He took her free hand and added, “I promise I won’t expect anything in return. I just want a chance to help you.”

Katniss blinked, positive that she was dreaming. Why on earth was Peeta proposing to her? She must be crazy. But his face was so earnest and kind that she realized that those words must have really come out of his mouth. Of course she couldn’t do it. She could never put him through that, but it was very kind of him, and she would never forget that. The kindness of him once again struck her. He seemed determined to keep saving her. It didn’t matter how many extra squirrels she gave him; she would always owe him.

“I can’t.” Katniss replied. She forced herself not to look into the beautiful blue eyes that stared at her from the other chair.

“You can. I promise I won’t expect anything from you except the work of a usual employee and the chance to be in your child’s life.”

“What’s in it for you?” Katniss replied bluntly. Nobody would do something like that for free. There had to be some hidden agenda.

“ We could use some help with the bakery. I know you are a hard worker. And my mother hasn’t been well recently. .” Peeta replied.

Katniss wondered why he didn’t ask some Merchant girl but she supposed that he was right. She was a hard worker. She didn’t know the last thing about baking but she knew how to clean and organize and might even manage some kind of accounting. She had always done well in math. It still didn’t make sense that he wanted to help her though. Peeta was just such a nice person that he was willing to sacrifice himself to help her. If she did accept his proposal it would take a lifetime of washing dishes to make up for it.

“I also don’t it’s fair you have to be punished for one mistake.” Peeta continued.

Katniss closed her eyes and said softly, “It wasn’t my mistake. I’m not really pregnant. Prim is. She’s only fifteen. She can’t go to the Community House. She won’t survive there. But I can. I’m strong enough..”

“Oh Katniss.” Peeta repeated the same words her mother said. Then she was shocked to find his arms wrapped about her and her head tucked up against his chin. It felt safe and comfortable to be in his arms. “Strong, brave, foolish, Katniss. That’s why nobody lets you make the plans.”

“What do you mean by that?” Katniss struggled out of his embrace and glared at him.

“Because your plan will destroy your life and mean your sister will never see her baby. My plan means your sister can see her baby on a daily basis. You will be allowed to live near your family, and no one will starve. Isn’t that a better option?”

Katniss hadn’t thought of that. She had been so focused on Prim’s problems she hadn’t considered anything else. But Peeta was right. His plan was better. Prim’s baby wouldn’t grow up a bastard but would have two respectably married parents. Prim would be allowed to be the doting aunt. Nobody would think anything of Prim taking care of the baby nearly constantly. And Prim could even move into the bakery for a few months to “take care” of Katniss.

“But what about your mother?” Katniss asked. Mrs. Mellark could make her life a misery.

“I’m not afraid of her. My father’s will gave me a quarter interest in the bakery, and unlike my brothers I don’t have to have mom’s approval.” Peeta spoke confidently, but Katniss knew that while Mrs. Mellark might not be able to legally kick him out, she could destroy Peeta.

“I can’t let you do this. This is my responsibility.” Katniss pulled away again and tried to hold back the fear. The truth was that she was afraid. Afraid of the Community Home and how difficult it would be to survive without her hunting. She was afraid for the baby and of having to take care of it all by herself. She wouldn’t take care of the kid right.

“No, Katniss, it’s not your responsibility. You didn’t do any of this. I want to marry you and be an uncle to Prim’s baby.”

Katniss couldn’t understand it. Why was he being so nice? If he just wanted a quick fling, he wouldn’t be marrying a girl like her. And while she wasn’t oblivious to the “responsibilities” she’d have once she got married, she didn’t think he would be unkind. Imagining him hurting her was impossible. It was far more likely that she would end up hurting him.

“I need to talk to them.” Katniss stood there for a moment. “Thank you. For everything.”

She wished that she hadn’t pulled away. It had been a long time since anyone had held her. No one had done so since her father, probably, but she couldn’t hug Peeta. Even if she might marry him soon.

Prim and her mother were predictably happy, and they immediately supported Peeta’s plan. Katniss felt a strange resentment of her mother grow over this. Her mother had always supported the route that would be easiest. The route that would ensure that no one would know that her daughter was unmarried and pregnant at fifteen.

Prim’s reaction was even stranger. She looked so excited and pleased that for a moment Katniss had a terrible thought.

Was Peeta the father of Prim’s baby? The thought made her sick, but she supposed that it was possible. Prim was so pretty and sweet: vulnerable and tempting, for an older boy. “He’s not….You’re not saying…” Katniss stumbled over her words.

“Peeta? What? No, of course not. He’d never do that, and besides he’s crazy about you. That’s why I’m happy. You’ll be married to someone who simply adores you. He’s easy on the eyes too.” Prim sat up and gave Katniss a hug.

It seemed to move so fast then. Mrs. Mellark was unsurprisingly displeased, but she put less effort into fighting the marriage than Katniss expected. Why was she so muted in her displeasure? Why did she seem almost relieved? Peeta really wasn’t old enough to be considered past marriageable age at all. Katniss put little preparation into her new life. She had few belongings and she never spent much time on her appearance.

She saw Peeta a couple of times before the wedding to discuss things like the cake and to move her meager belongings over to his home. He offered her a wide range of cakes to sample but Katniss liked the orange one best. She had an orange once before her father’s death and it brought back pleasant memories. She tried to stop Peeta from making a cake since it was so expensive and it wasn’t like they were having a real marriage. Peeta wouldn’t listen to that plan and insisted that she would have a cake. Katniss noticed that he seemed burdened down by something and looked constantly exhausted. Was his mother causing him problems? Did the other Merchant families put pressure on him?

The day before the wedding she went hunting. Long ago she’d used to go with her father; a little later, with Gale. But it had been two years since they had gone hunting together. Two years since his marriage. She missed him of course, but she found that she didn’t need him. Knowing the consequences, she couldn’t fathom feeling an emotion strong enough to make you do something like what Prim did. She guessed it was physical as well, but she suspected Prim had been genuinely in love with her lover. That’s why sometimes Prim cried herself to sleep. Katniss couldn’t understand that.

“I suppose I should congratulate you.” Gale came up just as silently as usual. His face was impassive, but he wasn’t storming around which she thought was a good sign.

“Yes, I’m getting married.” Katniss replied.

“What’s the rush? I wasn’t aware you were seeing someone.” Katniss nearly blurted out the truth but at the last moment simply shrugged. Gale was used to her strange gestures and silences.

“Well, I guess you could do worse if he is a Townie.” Gale said. It was almost an ringing endorsement of Peeta. Katniss shrugged again but realized that sounded very cold. “He’s a good person. I like being with him.”

“Well, I guess that’s better than you two hating each other, like his parents did.” Katniss gave a slight smile. Peeta was a better person than she could ever deserve, and she was determined to do her best to make him happy.

“Listen, I know that there is something screwy about this whole thing. I know I can’t really help you much, but if there is anything…” Gale touched her arm and stared at her sharply. She felt her face flush. She was hiding a lot, and she had never been a good liar. She poured out the whole story. Telling it seemed to make it worse. The prospect of living in the Community Home got more unpleasant.

“It’s a good thing then.” Gale said. Katniss nodded.

“Peeta’s a much better man than I ever thought. There is no way I can ever repay him.” Katniss looked at her hands and felt the sense of hopeless debt pile up.

“ I’m not fond of good people. It’s usually just being a hypocrite. Be careful, Katniss. I just don’t want you being taken advantage of.”

“You mean like Cray does?” Katniss knew what the doctor did with his “patients” and examinations.

“Yes, and no. I don’t think Peeta’s like that, but he’ll have expectations…” Gale trailed off at her deathlike glare.

“I’m not talking about this with you. And I’m not stupid. I know what marriage is. I can’t see how people would willing be owned and controlled, but that’s life. And it’s better than the Community Home.” Katniss stood up trying not to think about that. She supposed people must like sex, or people like Prim wouldn’t be in this position. Still, it seemed a dangerous and pointless activity. Hormones could be managed without endangering oneself.

“Just be careful, ok.” Katniss gave a brief nod before disappearing into the woods towards the fence.

Katniss’s mother seemed to think she had done her duty by explaining all about sex when Katniss turned sixteen. She had listened to her mother’s clinical speech before completely ignoring it. When her mother tried to broach the subject again, Katniss said, “I know enough, mother. I don’t need to be told that I need to think about the current population levels in Panem or how it really isn’t bad or how I might actually enjoy it.”

Her mother flushed and said, “No, I guess you know that. I just…worry…”

“You don’t need to. I’ll be fine.”

Prim was in bed when Katniss came in. Her mother was up adjusting the wedding dress Katniss was to wear. Katniss lay beside Prim and pressed a hand to her stomach. There was no movement; she was not far enough along, and her stomach only had a faint swell. Soon that baby would be—for all appearances sake— Katniss’s baby.

“Are you scared?” Prim asked.

“No,” Katniss replied. She was, but she wouldn’t admit it.

“You don’t need to be. Peeta’s very nice and kind. Maybe he can even warm you up a bit.” Prim smiled mischievously at Katniss. Katniss frowned, trying to remind herself that the innocent little sister who didn’t know about sex was gone. Her sister in many ways had already experienced more in fifteen years than Katniss in nearly twenty.

“I don’t need warming up.” Katniss replied.

“No, I know that underneath that scowl you actually are sweet. But I’m just saying that it’s nice. To be loved. To have someone to love you. To lie in bed next to someone.” Prim looked sad again. Katniss ached to take that away.

“Well, I guess it’s free body heat.” Katniss said sarcastically. She felt like Prim was on the verge of tears. Better to make her laugh.

“Hmmm…. And well, I’ve heard the Mellark men are well endowed.” Prim giggled and poked Katniss. “You’re so prudish. I swear you’re worse than Miss Burns.”

“English teacher Miss Burns?”

“Yeah.”

“I am not.” Katniss scowled, but Prim only laughed harder.

“I don’t think Peeta would ever push you to do anything you didn’t want to do. The problem is the wanting. But you’ll be married, so it won’t matter.” Prim’s face grew serious.

Katniss nodded as though she understood, even though she didn’t. She understood basic physical urges— like hunger— and even the more primal ones, but they were unconnected to any person or thing. Dealing with the occasional sexual impulse was as normal as eating, She was alone in the woods and there was no one there to know what she was doing. Dealing with her needs was easy. The craving for love, tenderness and passion made no sense in contrast.

“You look beautiful.” Peeta commented as she stepped inside the Justice Building. She was wearing her mother’s blue dress. It was the blue dress, and not a white one, both because of the dangers of a white dress in the coal mining district and because she was supposed to be pregnant.

The ceremony passed in a blur of formal language and paper signing. District 13 had few rituals when it came to marriage. The Capitol official read a long and dull speech about the importance of marriage and family that made her skin crawl. Things might have gotten better since the Hunger Games were abolished but that didn’t mean she thought the new government’s intrusiveness was acceptable. Katniss was vaguely aware that she was signing away her freedom. Her body, her money (not that she had any) and her property were not hers. She could only hope that the person she was marrying wouldn’t try to possess her. He was a kind person but Katniss didn’t trust people not to take advantage of her position. The idea of being owned by someone, even the nicest person in the world, didn’t sit well with her.

There was a toasting of course. Katniss had spent a lot of time thinking up her speech. Finally she decided to keep it simple.

“Peeta, you have been the best man I ever met. I’m not good with speeches but…I’m grateful I met you.” Katniss knew the speech sounded incomplete, but she couldn’t imagine giving some fluffy speech about love. At least what she had said had been true.

Peeta’s speech was simple but revealing. “Katniss, I remember the first time I saw you. It was the first day of school that year, and my dad pointed you out and said, ‘See that little girl. I wanted to marry her mother a long time ago, but she ran away with a coal miner.’ I couldn’t understand why that lady wouldn’t want to marry my dad, but he said that when that man sang ‘the birds stopped to listen.’ I didn��t believe him. Then that little girl stood up to sing the Valley Song, and I knew my dad was right. Because the birds did stop to listen. And I’ve been in love with her ever since.”

She was astonished. Her dad had had an incredible voice, and she vaguely remembered singing the Valley Song at a school assembly. But had Peeta really been in love with her since he was seven? Guilt surged through her. She didn’t deserve it. Then again she hadn’t asked him to fall in love with her at five year old.

She glanced at his face and leaned in to give him a quick kiss. It was more of a peck than a kiss but he smiled at her as if she had given him the moon. She was afraid of falling for him. He was so kind to her and he seemed to radiate warmth and tenderness. What if it was all a ploy? What if he was trying to butter her up with kind words and gestures so she would fall into line with his plans? She had to be careful.

They ate the beautiful cake, which was decorated with primroses and violets, while one of the old miners, Bristel, played the fiddle. Katniss was starting to get more and more nervous. She was going to lose her virginity, and while she didn’t think it had any moral value, it had kept her safe. She couldn’t get pregnant, or at least Katniss hadn’t thought she could. Then again, if she was supposed to be pregnant, she didn’t dare get pregnant for real. Such a thing hadn’t struck her until that moment. Perhaps she might use it as an excuse.

By the time the bakery had emptied of all but our families, she felt like throwing up. Mrs. Mellark gave her a chilly goodnight and went to bed. She had said all of three words to Katniss since Peeta formally introduced them.

Peeta’s brothers had been present more, and Katniss found that she liked them. The one her age, Leaven, was quiet and calm. He was apparently his mother’s favorite. He was engaged to Delly Cartwright. The youngest, Rye, was different. He was the wildest of the whole lot. She had heard rumors of him and his Slag Heap conquests. Peeta had talked about the trials of controlling him and keeping him out of trouble. Still, she could see a certain charm in his rugged good looks and smile. Katniss noticed he seemed to avoid her and her family and wondered if he disapproved of his brother’s marriage. Rye seemed on edge constantly as he shifted uneasily in his chair and went to bed early. Katniss couldn’t understand why he was so upset. Surely his brother’s marriage was not that distressing.

Katniss’s mother pulled her aside and handed her a small package, “Take this every morning and it should help. It’s not perfect, but it might be enough if you’re careful.”

Katniss nodded. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. You’ve been so brave, Katniss. You shouldn’t have had to do this. You should be happy right now.”

“I’m not unhappy. I meant what I said about Peeta.”

When Katniss came back into the kitchen, it was deserted. She supposed Peeta had gone upstairs. Katniss carefully made her way up the stairs, feeling the gnawing fear settle back in again. The tea was supposed to help prevent pregnancy, but it was far from perfect. That’s probably why Prim was pregnant. Her mother knew that. She also knew Katniss didn’t really have control over this.

“I’m sorry I don’t have another room for you, but I do have a sofa here I can sleep on. Or I could go downstairs.” Katniss started and turned around to see Peeta standing in the doorway. She blinked at him trying to understand his words. The couch?

“You aren’t going to sleep in the bed?” she asked.

“I’m not going to have you sleep on the couch.” Peeta said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Katniss didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure what to say. Peeta glanced at the package of tea, and she said, “My mother gave me this. It’s to prevent…me from getting pregnant.”

Peeta’s face turned beet red. He stammered, “But that won’t be necessary. At least…not…I’m totally messing this up. What I mean is that I don’t have any expectations about that sort of thing. I don’t think you look ready, and …”

She placed the tea in a drawer and turned back to him, “We’re married. Why wouldn’t you have expectations? There’s nothing I can say about it. So I won’t. It would be easier to say that I said yes.”

“Katniss,” he began, reaching out to take her hand, “I will never touch you unless it’s clear that you want me to. I don’t own you, no matter what the Capitol says.”

She closed her eyes and said brokenly, “It’s just that sometimes it feels like our whole existence is to be a womb for babies. It feels like you don’t belong to yourself. When you get married you sign away everything.”

“You haven’t. Not to me. You’re a free and independent person.”

Katniss believed him. She didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt like she believed him. If he wanted to hurt her, he would have. He wasn’t going to. The relief made her almost giddy. Prim would be safe. She would be safe. They wouldn’t starve, and he really did love her. It was nice to be loved. It had been a long time since anyone had just loved her or made any effort to take care of her. She loved being independent but sometimes it got a little lonely. Sharing her burden wouldn’t be easy but maybe it would be worth it.

“You can sleep in the bed. I don’t mind. I’m not afraid of you.” Katniss murmured as she took her nightgown and headed for the bathroom.

She slipped into bed a few minutes later. It was a cold night, and the bed already felt warm. She was surprised to notice that the window was cracked open. That must be one of Peeta’s quirks. She closed her eyes. She was so tired. Perhaps she might sleep.

Katniss awoke the next morning pressed against a warm body that was definitely not Prim’s. When they’d been standing, she hadn’t realized how much bigger than her Peeta was. Now she felt dwarfed in comparison. Surprisingly it didn’t make her nervous. She knew he was trustworthy. It felt nice to be so close to him. Katniss remembered Prim’s words and smiled. Prim had been right. Even though Katniss was just innocently sleeping next to him, she liked it. She pressed her face against his chest and let herself relax for a few moments. It was still early.

“Good morning.” Peeta looked at her shyly as she sat up and stretched. “You can sleep in. We have the day off.”

Katniss hesitated and said, “I should get up and work.”

“You don’t need to. Besides it wouldn’t do to wake up too early this morning,” he replied.

“Why?” Katniss asked, before blushing and remembering. She was married now, and last night had been her wedding night. She was supposed to be lying in bed. Well, she wasn’t going to complain about getting a little extra sleep.

When she woke up again, the sun streamed through the bedroom window, and she sprang up at the lateness of the hour. She dressed rapidly and went downstairs. Peeta and his brothers were eating breakfast. Peeta looked up.

“I was going to bring you some,” he said. “You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Katniss sat down in the empty seat and accepted the toast with jam. She was surprised to notice that the offerings on the table were none too plentiful. Perhaps the bakery was not as wealthy as she had thought. It gave her a sense of satisfaction that tomorrow she could make sure that the table had game and vegetables.

The table was almost entirely silent. Katniss wasn’t a talker, but even she found it a little oppressive. Peeta seemed nervous and kept casting anxious glances around. Leaven seemed quiet anyway. Rye looked bloodshot and alarmed, seeming to start at every sound.

“My mother wanted to talk to you. She’s not feeling well today.” Peeta said at last. Katniss straightened her shoulders and forced herself not to tremble. She wasn’t going to let Mrs. Mellark intimidate her.

“Well, look who decided to show up.” Mrs. Mellark greeted her as she stood in the center of the room.

“I slept in.” Katniss replied. “I don’t normally. I get up well before dawn.”

“Good. You never struck me as being lazy. I slept better than I expected last night. It was quiet.” The older woman glanced at Katniss with those faded but still piercing blue eyes. Katniss flushed slightly because she felt as if Mrs. Mellark was already making judgements about her.

“You aren’t pregnant, are you? Not by my son, at least. It’s that sister of yours, isn’t it? She looked peaked through the whole toasting.” Katniss looked down knowing it was useless to try to deny it. Mrs. Mellark was nothing if not observant.

“Yes, Prim is pregnant.” Katniss admitted.

“Who is the father?”

“I don’t know. Prim won’t tell me, but I think he’s a merchant.” Katniss sat down at last in the chair by the bed.

“Well, then the child will look like us.” Mrs. Mellark said thoughtfully. Her eyes fixed on the door as she added. “I don’t like you. I think you and your family are low class and dirty. But you’re a survivor, I’ll give you that. Haven’t seen such a one since old Haymitch Abernathy won his games.”

Katniss wasn’t sure if she should be ashamed or complimented to be compared to Haymitch Abernathy, the victor of the last Hunger Games and the district drunk.

“And you are a cruel old woman who beats her kids.” Katniss snapped back.

Mrs. Mellark had the audacity to laugh, “Those boys would have ended up like their father if I hadn’t taught them some discipline. They would have been weak, and I think you and I both know what happens to weak people. Imagine if I had responded like your mother when my husband died. Imagine if I had lost it when I started getting sick.”

“My mother never beat me, and I’m not weak.” Katniss thought of her struggle for survival.

“I’m dying,” said Mrs. Mellark.

Katniss glanced at the woman and suddenly noticed that she really did look ill. Her face was unnaturally pale and drawn, and she appeared thin for a merchant woman. “Don’t look so pleased. I’m sure I won’t be mourned. That’s not worrying me. I want to see this family business continue, and you and your sister’s child will help that. Leaven will be working at the shoe shop, and Rye is completely useless. I depend on Peeta. He’s the only one who cares about baking. That child can be depended on to carry on the family tradition.”

“Does Peeta know?” Katniss asked. Did he know his mother was dying?

“No, and you aren’t going to tell him either. I’m not going to be fussed over or have people expect me to be sorry for anything. I’m not sorry. I did what I had to do.” Mrs. Mellark glanced at Katniss and added, “He’s crazy about you. I don’t understand why. You’re small and not particularly pretty, but I want that child in this family and I’m willing to put up with you.”

Katniss didn’t know what to say to Mrs. Mellark. She had to admit the woman was almost as unrepentant as the former President of Panem, President Snow, who had been executed after the war. Katniss could find little pity for the woman mainly because Mrs. Mellark wanted for nothing.

The days of married life seemed exactly like her old life, except she lived in the bakery instead of her home in the Seam. She got up and helped make breakfast before carrying it to Mrs. Mellark, who ordered her to do many things downstairs, knowing full well Katniss had no intention of doing anything she said. She, Peeta and his brothers ate breakfast together before Katniss helped with the morning rush of baking. She was no baker, but she helped wash dishes and completed simple tasks. Around mid-morning she’d go hunting and come back in mid afternoon to help close up the bakery. Every evening she would spend with Prim, Peeta, and sometimes Leaven, who would quietly read one of those District 13 books about something called socialism. Rye never stayed for any of them. Katniss got the distinct impression he disliked her and Prim. Peeta would sketch out designs for cakes and began helping Katniss add to the plant book. As the days went on, Katniss began to feel as if she had always lived with Peeta. He had such a warm, sunny disposition that it was like she was a flower and he the sun. She couldn’t help but like him.

Prim had stopped throwing up everyday and looked radiant. Katniss might not approve of her being pregnant, but she knew her sister would be a wonderful mother. Much better than Katniss. Katniss still found Rye’s behavior confusing. She caught him arguing with Prim a few times which made her frown. Prim was a very easy-going person and it was hard to imagine Prim doing anything to make him that mad. Prim tried to hide her sadness over her lover deserting her but Katniss could see the wistful glance in her eyes as Peeta patted Katniss’s hand or gave her a quick hug. Katniss would have done anything to put the light back into her sister’s eye.

Peeta stayed true to his word and had barely touched her since their wedding. Except for the occasional pat on the shoulder or gentle hug, he had kept his hands to himself. Katniss suspected he was waiting for her to make the move. After her initial suspicion had passed, she found herself wanting…something. She started making excuses to stand close to him and rolled her body close to his in bed at night. Finally one night it all bubbled up. He had just added the flowers to the side of the crib for Prim’s baby.

“You’ll be an amazing aunt.” Peeta said softly.

“You’ll be an amazing father.” Katniss replied. This baby might be Prim’s, but her father would definitely be Peeta, considering the child would know no other. She was so lucky. Katniss rose on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to his in their first real kiss.

It wasn’t her first kiss. There had been an awkward kiss with Gale when she had been sixteen. For months she had tried to forget that it happened. There had been the occasional kiss at New Years with some boy she didn’t care about. But this was the first kiss she had felt that thing…That warm, hungry feeling that started in the pit of her stomach and moved its way through her limbs. She pressed closer as his arms came around her waist. They kissed until they ran out of air, but still she didn’t let go.

He rested his face in the crook of her neck and she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. It felt so good, so impossibly good, that she was certain she wouldn’t be the first to let go.

Prim ended up interrupting them with a question about the crib, and they broke apart. Katniss flushed and stammered through an explanation. Prim only grinned and left the room with a significant lifting of her eyebrows. Katniss only gave a tiny smile as she went to bed. Somehow she felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

#Springtime Edition 2018 #demisexualkatnisseverdeen #prompt 100 #submission

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