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takaraphoenix · 4 years ago

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This may or may not be a touchy question (I guess it depends?), but how do you deal with hate with people who don't particularly like your work or the pairings you like? Because I've seen a fair amount of people stop creating content they want to make because of the backlash or hate they get simply for shipping something, so I do wonder... How do you do it? After all these years, how are you still standing, head held up high? – Much love! <3

I suppose a huge part in that is... personality? I mean, what type of person one is. Some people are very sensitive and negativity gets to them heavily.

Which, is ironic, because I am normally that type of person. I always overthink what other people may think of me and in real life I am easily deterred.

But something about the internet changes the dynamic for me.

If it’s in person? If someone looks me in the eye and criticizes the things I like? That has me fuming. But ain’t nothing more unpersonal than getting an anon and having this round fella with the sunglasses stare at you, or having a “guest” on AO3 comment something nasty.

Because they’re cowards. And the cowardice of the other party tells me that, so a certain degree, they themselves know they’re full of shit. Because if they were confident in what they’re saying, if they knew they were right with whatever they’re claiming, there’s no need to go anon. They could tell me “to my face” - as much as the internet allows that; by being logged in and starting a dialogue.

But someone who hides behind the grey round fella with the sunglasses to tell me I’m morally wrong? Makes me genuinely laugh. Because if I were, you had no reason to hide.

(At this point, I’d like to add, since you’re on anon too, that there’s different reasons for going on anon. Sometimes, it’s shyness. But if you think yourself morally superior to someone and want to ring the bell of shame behind them, you can’t hide behind anonymity. That’s different.)

I just really can’t take people seriously who hide in the shadows of anonymity to scream at me about how wrong I am. You’d do that with confidence if you knew you were right. But they’re wrong and full of shit. Because they are.

There is no “right” or “wrong” about taste. A ship ain’t only valid for being morally upstanding, pure, canon, whatever. And a person ain’t inherently vile for shipping something that’s unleathy, or toxic, or whatever buzzword they throw around.

Which is another part. I just... absolutely can not take anyone seriously who throws buzzwords around wildly and with no foundation, because they lack any common sense.

Yeah, they’re brothers and it’s incest, what do I care, they’re also fictional characters, I ain’t telling two real life brothers to bang and get married, what’s wrong with the people who can’t tell fiction apart from reality. That’s just pitiful.

I’ve also seen the other side of that. I’ve seen antis ship the exact thing that they’re judging, insulting and harrassing other shippers for. From incest to abuse apologism to just plain toxic canon dynamics. All the things they find a justification to harrass others about, but they ship things of that kind themselves. But their ships are ““different”“ from the ones they hate.

It all boils down to taste and it boils down to a bunch of morons who can’t grasp the concept of “taste” and the fact that... you can like something without it being pure and you can dislike something without it being every shade of morally corrupt.

They bend over backward to find justifications for why the ships they dislike are inherently bad, while they also bend over backward to justify why the exact same things they judge other ships for are actually wholesome and pure in the ships they like.

And at that point, I just genuinely feel bad for those people and am terrified for them. Because I am fully aware of what I ship. I know every deprived nook and cranny of my ships. I know the exact level of toxicity of the canon dynamics. I’m just also aware that they’re fictional characters. But the moment you start reaching to justify why abuse isn’t technically abuse, that’s when it becomes worrisome. And that’s what they do, to justify their own ships.

Now, I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t an attitude I always had and it’s not something I just woke up with one day.

I’ve been in fandom for 15 years now. I’ve seen a lot and I’ve dealt with a lot. I’ve seen when shipwars were primarily reserved to the canon straight love triangles. I’ve seen it devolve into “your ship isn’t valid the gays are getting in the way of the CANON STRAIGHTS”. I’ve seen the number of canon gays grow in media and how it affected these ship wars, invalidating ships where a canon gay ship was split up. And now this shit-show of antis.

My attitude grew out of seeing and experiencing a lot. I was lucky to be “raised” in a safe fandom environment, where the fandom olds took us youngsters under their wings and guided us, taught us how to improve our writing, helped us establish connections in a community.

And that last part, that’s important. Important in dealing with hate. Maybe the most important part, really. You have to find your community. Don’t let yourself be sucked into a circle of hate. Find the people who love the same things as you - the same show, the same characters, the same ships. Form friendships, find that community of positivity.

Fandom is what you make it. Even when other people try to make it something else, try to turn it into a hateful, gross place filled with harrassment and fear and moral policing. Regardless of how hard they try; your fandom is up to you.

Find the people who bring the positivity, who will come into your fics and leave reviews of love and positivity. And weed out the bad. Block them. Block the antis in your fandom, avoid them. Sometimes, preemtively going into an anti tag and just going on a block-spree can be really helpful already. You can block anons on tumblr too! Granted, only their ID, but at one point they’re gonna run out of devices to post anon hate from.

That much to my personal attitude toward it. Now to the act of actually dealing with it.

Many adivse, rightfully so, to ignore it. AO3 allows you to delete comments. On tumlr, you can just delete an anon and not answer it. Especially when you’re the type who is affected by it, not engaging is the best solution.

Personally, I like arguing with people. Everyone who ever talked to me might have noticed that. I live for a good argument. And I’m really bad at letting something just stand. So I usually argue back. I do that, because I am very bad at keeping my mouth shut, but also because it brings me a certain amount of glee to mock their nonsense.

I do it here. I have my “Dear Anonymous Shithead” tag where I address anon bullshit and anon hate from FFNet and AO3 - because FFNet doesn’t let you answer to anons. And then I delete the original comments on my fics, because I don’t like shitstains on my fics.

I call that approach meeting them on your own terms. Because they think they are doing something grand somehow by publicly leaving their vile comments on your fics. Delete them, take their voice away. Put it somewhere else to argue their nonsense on your own terms, mock them if you want, it’s fun. Fight your battle, the way you want to fight it - and that does include just deleting them and not engaging at all; that’s not running away, that’s self-care.

Like I said, my attitude’s not always been like that. It got me before too. Way, way back - and I really do mean way back, it’s been surely over five years ago - there was a tumblr account on here that spent an unreasonable amount of time openly hating on me. It’s the reason I avoided getting a tumblr, because back then I was not in a mental state to openly engage with such a hateful place.

And it’s still a hateful place; all those anti communities here. People proudly proclaiming they’re antis in their biography. People taking screenshots of other tumblrs or artists to mock them and make fun of them. The thing that changed isn’t tumblr, it’s me. I waited to engage with this place until I was ready to engage with it. I got my tumblr account when I already had the attitude of scoffing at anon hate.

I do think that only getting actively involved in a website when you are ready for it is another important part. The thing you mention in your ask, the people who stopped creating because of anon hate. It breaks my heart, it absolutely does, and I hate losing creators to it, but I do think that if those creators made that judgment call for themselves and their own mental health because they knew they couldn’t handle the harrassment, then they did the right thing. Even if they themselves may hate it, because they want to create. But sometimes, taking a step back is the right thing to do. I do hope that they will find it in themselves to overcome this and come back stronger, but constant harrassment and bullying can have severe consequences on a person and removing yourself from that kind of environment can sometimes be a last resort that needs to be taken.

I’ll also admit that I’ve been calculating what fandom to interact with to what degree ever since I got a tumblr account and started to see just how deep the hatred goes. Some things I might have created for, but I saw just how nasty the antis in the fandom were and... it wasn’t worth the fight for me.

Percy Jackson and Shadowhunters are my loves. My ride-or-die fandoms. I can, and will, fight for them. No one will chase me out of these fandoms, regardless of what kinds of insults and bullshit they throw at me. I’ve been here years longer than most of these newbie antis and I will be here long after they moved on to other things.

New things that I don’t have attachment to, I will weight if my level of interest in the thing will be worth engaging with the fandom nonsense with. Sometimes, it’s not, sometimes I make the judgment call for myself to step a way from a thing.

I admit, that happend with Teen Wolf too. Back when I did my last rewatch and enthusiastically engaged with it on here on tumblr, live posting about my rewatch and it... showed me startling, ugly sides of this fandom that I hadn’t known before, back when all my engagement had been to read fics and to write that one fic I had. That rewatch could have dragged me back into the deep end - but the brand of hate I encountered here... genuinely got to me. It really messed with my head, a lot, I’ve never been threatened before, I’ve never been insulted and constantly harrassed to such a degree. It was the first time I ever turned off anon on here, it put me into a sense of dread for just coming online for a while. I didn’t expect that, neither that it’d happen nor the extend of it or that it’d get to me like this. I still love Sterek to bits and pieces, it’ll be one of those ships I will always be attached to, but that experience with the bad side of the fandom made me recoil from getting involved with Teen Wolf again.

But in the Percy Jackson fandom? I’ve stood here for ten years now. I’ve gotten shit thrown at me about pretty much anything. I’ve also created over five hundred works for this fandom. I have received love and excitement in comments. I have received fanarts. I have received fanfiction to my fics. I’ve gotten fics dedicated to me by people who liked my work and wanted to write something nice for me. I’ve met one of my best friends and I’ve met my girlfriend in this fandom. Sure, I’ve been called names and been mocked, but I also know what I have.

I know I’m a damn good writer. I may not have much self-esteem, but what little self-esteem I have is located here, in the very thing they think they can attack. The thing is, I have no insecurities in this. This is the one area where you can’t attack me. And on top of that, I have that community of amazing people who love the same things as I do. I have the support, the friends, the shared hype. What do I care about some pitiful little fool hiding behind anonymity to whine about how wrong and gross I am? Their opinion weights nothing compared to that of the people who leave me anon love, who leave me squealy and excited comments.

To sum it all up:

Someone who has to hide behind anonymity is aware they don’t have the moral high ground.

Their definition of the “moral high ground” is so pitiful that it makes me feel bad for them.

I know the difference between fiction and reality and I pity the fools who don’t.

Find a positive fandom space for yourself and claim it.

Either delete anon hate, or meet it on your own terms.

Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I lose and the hate does get to me.

You need to make the judgment call for yourself, if you can mentally handle a situation or not, and do what is best for you.

#About Me #Fandom Life #How To Handle Antis #Fandom Discourse #and how to handle that #Phoe Giving Advise #Anonymous

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surflove808 · 6 years ago

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On Destiel and endgame hysteria

Sometimes I get fired up about some of the BS I see in this fandom and this is one of those moments. This post will be a layercake of sentimentality, disappointment, anger and maybe a wee bit (a lot) of profanity. So, you know. Back on my bullshit.

The show that we love, love to hate or hate to love, for better or worse, will see it's final curtain call at the S15 finale. You don't need me to tell you how impactful it's been and how much it means to so many people for a variety of reasons that extend well beyond it's entertainment value. All it takes is one scroll through social media to get a sampling of the reach of this little-show-that-could and by extension (and because of) it's cast, to see that it's beloved by so many. And it deserves the praise, and the end deserves to be lamented - but like TFW has said over and over, and to paraphrase Frank Sinatra, they're doing it their way. For that? I'm happy.

The show has been described as a "juggernaut" and an "institution", and it is. We all know the themes: Finding *your* family, struggle, perseverance, dedication, making mistakes and not always learning from them (but trying), acceptance, the beauty in humanity even when all hope seems lost, redemption, and love... to name the big ones. Now about Love. "Love" is not threatening to burn down houses if your ship isn't made canon. "Acceptance" isn't threatening the cast, crew, producers and network with lawsuits if your ship isn't made endgame. I saw a few posts like that today that had a very disappointing number of likes and reblogs and I'm kinda furious, to be honest. You fucking twits.

As someone who enjoys the show, and respects the determination, sacrifice, hard work, creativity, and yes - Love - that has been poured into this endeavor, I don't think I'm alone when I say - JUST. STOP. You whining, tantrum throwing, self-important, "wouldn't catch a social cue if it had a $100 bill attached to it and was tossed to you from 3 feet away", obnoxious, divisive children.

Accept what the cast, the writers and Eric Freaking Kripke have told you? No... can't do that. Must hop from one lily pad of delusion to the next and have the gall to be self righteous about it. And then pat yourselves on the back for being alternately clever, threatening and obtuse. You're like the Donald Trumps of the SPN fandom. You're not disliked because of your ship. You're disliked because of your personalities. Let that sink in. No one is marginalizing you. You chose to do this to yourselves AND your beloved ship via your words and actions. You sunk your own battleship and now you’re pissed.

I don't affiliate myself with any ship or the other factions of this fandom.... I don't get it. I'm just a fan. A fan of the story, the acting, the tragedy, the comedy, the characters and the character of the actors involved. I don't know what a good "fan" is... don't care. But I know what a bad one is. A bad one thinks that they can take ownership of someone else's art just because they've "invested" in it.

And I apply it to my own life in this way - Here I am doing my thing, putting my creativity out into the world... and what I create matters to me. Every little bit. I throw myself into the things I'm passionate about. And not everyone is going to be thrilled with what I produce. Some people will never see what I put out there, but word travels fast when you genuinely care about your craft. I do what I do because it drives me, and always has. And I do my best to stay true to MY story. And the thought of someone trying to insert themselves into my story because they think they know my creations better than I do, makes me want to punch throats.

And the thought of a group of people actually threatening me and the people I collaborate with because I'm not making their fantasy a reality?? Hey - get fucked sideways without lube, and throw some sand in there for extra discomfort.

I want you (and you know who you are) to have some accountability. Please tell me in what scenario is your behavior warranted or appropriate. Feel free to DM me. I won't "out" you, and I'll never be abusive - I just need to know why. (bullet pointing this because... reading comprehension)

1. WHY is Destiel is the only representation you'll accept.

2. WHY do you think it's funny or "OK" to harass the creatives on this show constantly when you have absolutely no right to their story?

3. WHY do you think that pushing something so hard will get you what you want?

4, And lastly.... WHY is this so important to you?

Can you possibly survive if Destiel isn't made canon? Do you have other hobbies and interests that can fill your time? Because some of ya'll are acting like this is the Be All End All of your existence and I'm here to tell you - it's really not. If it DOES happen, it will be at the discretion of the showrunner and creatives, and I promise you it won’t be because they caved to the small, yet omnipresent faction of Destiehellers that have annoyed the ever-living fuck out of everyone attached to this show. It’ll be on their terms.

The tantrum strategy stops working after age 4, usually....it just seems some of you are late getting the memo. Thanks to your folks. Well done.

Try to appreciate the show for what it is and always has been. If your expectations are unreasonable and are buoyed by years of manips, misquotes and over-analyzation of brief "moments" between ANY characters, and you feel emotional enough about it to behave badly - it's time for a factory reset. This show has never mislead you - you’ve bought into delusion and over-analysis and straight-up fiction pimped to you by fellow “fans” probably before you even watched your first episode. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve seen. And I’ve seen some shit.

If you’re going to be angry... be angry at your friendly neighborhood Destiel dealer. They chumped you to get more *buy* for their *supply*. Them’s the facts.

That being said.... Can We Just Appreciate The Final Moments That This Amazing Cast And Crew Are Going To Give Us (and you know they will), And Let It The Fuck GO?

You're welcome to block me (you probably should). But before you do that, could you let this sink in a bit? And if you see a fellow shipper being an entitled douche - maybe hold yourself to a higher standard than they do themselves and don't perpetuate it/like/reblog it? Because this behavior is well and truly a shitty way to treat the legacy of this groundbreaking show, and all those that are responsible for bringing it to life.

In other words....Behave. And have some goddamn dignity.

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right, but my response was so long. Eh...whatever. @jessiegail I understand, and please allow me to elaborate. When I was scrolling through the Jensen tags (because the Dean and SPN tags have been overrun by a lot of people with zero respect for the character/show canon, so I stay away anymore. That in and of itself should tell you something)... I was also sharing in the moment, and the news and wanted to see some SPN love and positivity. What I ran into almost immediately was, and I quote: "If they don't make destiel cannon (sic) for the series finale, I'll set their houses on fire. You've been warned." 87 people agreed with @moosewncstr on this sentiment. Now... if it was one shitty person and people steered clear of any affiliation with them for threatening arson because they're completely off their fucking rocker.... that would be easy to ignore. But 87 people?? That’s really, really bad. What I'm seeing and have been seeing, is a hive-mind mentality that doesn't care for acceptance. Doesn't care if it’s abusive. Doesn't care if someone gets their “feelings” hurt. And they absolutely Do Not Care if what they say incites the potential reality of violence, as long as they can force their ship down the throats of as many people as possible and Make It Canon.

And by hive-mind, I mean - NO ONE in the Destiel camp seems to have the degree of autonomy (AKA: Balls) required to rein in the bad apples in their bunch. They either agree or stay silent. So, because you can’t self-regulate, people like me with no concern or desire for your approval have to come in and tell you to knock your shit off. You won’t. But I feel better. And maybe others will feel more comfortable to express their disapproval when shit like this rears its ugly head. Anyone who would think threats (just a joke...hahaha), are acceptable, and those who are in agreement can suck it. And i will not roll over and sing kumbaya with anyone who thinks this is ok. I'm generally careful with the headers and lead-in paragraphs to posts that are potentially inflammatory. A courtesy that is not extended by your brethren. You had ample warning that this post would not be kind to asshole shippers. I don’t think you are one of those people - but, if you’re defending this behavior, I can’t really empathize with you. I also don’t want you to feel targeted. This isn’t about YOU. This is about endemic behavior that has become so toxic, it pretty much can’t be undone. As for paying anything forward, I do not owe people who act like this the time of day, much less a kind word. I have 2 choices: I can stand by and pretend I don't see these things and block, block, block so that I can stay in my bubble. Or, I can take my own little stand on my own little blog and address genuinely disturbing behavior using language of my choice. What I will never do is threaten or abuse any individuals who question my logic. Downside is... you'll get a very long winded explanation. Go, be happy. Enjoy your ship. No one is telling you not to. I'm telling you right now, though - I can't and won't tolerate the bad apples. Best to block me if you're sensitive to the way I word my posts, but understand - I'm not promoting hate or abusive behavior - I'm fighting it. And I will continue to do so as long as I'm on this dumpster fire of a website, because I love this show and I believe all of the creative's, crew and fans deserve some fucking respect.

#SPN Family #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #Destiel #destiehellers #supernatural #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins

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1-800-444-tune · 6 years ago

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Demonology + Witchcraft🀄♠

Introduction

Part 1 or I , and the other volumes will be posted at a later date, each separately. (Enjoy)😆

To find my copy of Demonology......

so you are going to want to search tags that I use if you're looking for it. Or just follow me, that's easier.

Letters written in the 1800's have resurfaced and are being preserved by some very highly spiritually invested peoples; I own a copy and the rights to distribute this material as long as I am within the very strict guidelines agreement I signed with this website that is helping to distribute and preserve older historical witchcraft or paranormal and spiritual writings that are not related to The Holy Bible. At all! Lol. Anyways, I have been wondering for quite some time how to approach the problem of having a very looooong post; so this will be the introduction and partial of...

Letter 1: by Sir Walter Scott

With an Introduction, By: Henry Morely

Professor of Literature @ London University College ; London, UK.

demonstrates to all men, except the few who are hardened to the celestial voice, that there is within us a portion of the divine substance, which is not subject to the law of death and dissolution, but which, when the body is no longer fit for its abode, shall seek its own place, as a sentinel dismissed from his post. Unaided by revelation, it cannot be hoped that mere earthly reason should be able to form any rational or precise conjecture concerning the destination of the soul when parted from the body; but the conviction that such an indestructible essence exists, the belief expressed by the poet in a different sense, Non omnis moriar must infer the existence of many millions of spirits who have not been annihilated, though they have become invisible to mortals who still see, hear, and perceive, only by means of the imperfect organs of humanity. Probability may lead some of the most reflecting to anticipate a state of future rewards and punishments; as those experienced in the education of the deaf and dumb find that their pupils, even while cut off from all instruction by ordinary means, have been able to form, out of their own unassisted conjectures, some ideas of the existence of a Deity, and of the distinction between the soul and body—a circumstance which proves how naturally these truths arise in the human mind. The principle that they do so arise, being taught or communicated, leads to further conclusions.

These spirits, in a state of separate existence, being admitted to exist, are not, it may be supposed, indifferent to the affairs of mortality, perhaps not incapable of influencing them. It is true that, in a more advanced state of society, the philosopher may challenge the possibility of a separate appearance of a disembodied spirit, unless in the case of a direct miracle, to which, being a suspension of the laws of nature, directly wrought by the Maker of these laws, for some express purpose, no bound or restraint can possibly be assigned. But under this necessary limitation and exception, philosophers might plausibly argue that, when the soul is divorced from the body, it loses all those qualities which made it, when clothed with a mortal shape, obvious to the organs of its fellow-men. The abstract idea of a spirit certainly implies that it has neither substance, form, shape, voice, or anything which can render its presence visible or sensible to human faculties. But these sceptic doubts of philosophers on the possibility of the appearance of such separated spirits, do not arise till a certain degree of information has dawned upon a country, and even then only reach a very small proportion of reflecting and better-informed members of society. To the multitude, the indubitable fact, that so many millions of spirits exist around and even amongst us, seems sufficient to support the belief that they are, in certain instances at least, by some means or other, able to communicate with the world of humanity. The more numerous part of mankind cannot form in their mind the idea of the spirit of the deceased existing, without possessing or having the power to assume the appearance which their acquaintance bore during his life, and do not push their researches beyond this point.

🔮🕯🕯🕯🕎

Enthusiastic feelings of an impressive and solemn nature occur both in private and public life, which seem to add ocular testimony to an intercourse betwixt earth and the world beyond it. For example, the son who has been lately deprived of his father feels a sudden crisis approach, in which he is anxious to have recourse to his sagacious advice—or a bereaved husband earnestly desires again to behold the form of which the grave has deprived him for ever—or, to use a darker yet very common instance, the wretched man who has dipped his hand in his fellow-creature's blood, is haunted by the apprehension that the phantom of the slain stands by the bedside of his murderer. In all or any of these cases, who shall doubt that imagination, favoured by circumstances, has power to summon up to the organ of sight, spectres which only exist in the mind of those by whom their apparition seems to be witnessed?

If we add, that such a vision may take place in the course of one of those lively dreams in which the patient, except in respect to the single subject of one strong impression, is, or seems, sensible of the real particulars of the scene around him, a state of slumber which often occurs; if he is so far conscious, for example, as to know that he is lying on his own bed, and surrounded by his own familiar furniture at the time when the supposed apparition is manifested, it becomes almost in vain to argue with the visionary against the reality of his dream, since the spectre, though itself purely fanciful, is inserted amidst so many circumstances which he feels must be true beyond the reach of doubt or question. That which is undeniably certain becomes, in a manner, a warrant for the reality of the appearance to which doubt would have been otherwise attached. And if any event, such as the death of the person dreamt of, chances to take place, so as to correspond with the nature and the time of the apparition, the coincidence, though one which must be frequent, since our dreams usually refer to the accomplishment of that which haunts our minds when awake, and often presage the most probable events, seems perfect, and the chain of circumstances touching the evidence may not unreasonably be considered as complete. Such a concatenation, we repeat, must frequently take place, when it is considered of what stuff dreams are made—how naturally they turn upon those who occupy our mind while awake, and, when a soldier is exposed to death in battle, when a sailor is incurring the dangers of the sea, when a beloved wife or relative is attacked by disease, how readily our sleeping imagination rushes to the very point of alarm, which when waking it had shuddered to anticipate. The number of instances in which such lively dreams have been quoted, and both asserted and received as spiritual communications, is very great at all periods; in ignorant times, where the natural cause of dreaming is misapprehended and confused with an idea of mysticism, it is much greater. Yet, perhaps, considering the many thousands of dreams which must, night after night, pass through the imagination of individuals, the number of coincidences between the vision and real event are fewer and less remarkable than a fair calculation of chances would warrant us to expect. But in countries where such presaging dreams are subjects of attention, the number of those which seemed to be coupled with the corresponding issue, is large enough to spread a very general belief of a positive communication betwixt the living and the dead.

Somnambulism and other nocturnal deceptions frequently lend their aid to the formation of such phantasmata as are formed in this middle state, betwixt sleeping and waking. A most respectable person, whose active life had been spent as master and part owner of a large merchant vessel in the Lisbon trade, gave the writer an account of such an instance which came under his observation. He was lying in the Tagus, when he was put to great anxiety and alarm by the following incident and its consequences. One of his crew was murdered by a Portuguese assassin, and a report arose that the ghost of the slain man haunted the vessel. Sailors are generally superstitious, and those of my friend's vessel became unwilling to remain on board the ship; and it was probable they might desert rather then return to England with the ghost for a passenger. To prevent so great a calamity, the captain determined to examine the story to the bottom. He soon found that, though all pretended to have seen lights and heard noises, and so forth, the weight of the evidence lay upon the statement of one of his own mates, an Irishman and a Catholic, which might increase his tendency to superstition, but in other respects a veracious, honest, and sensible person, whom Captain ——had no reason to suspect would wilfully deceive him. He affirmed to Captain S—— with the deepest obtestations, that the spectre of the murdered man appeared to him almost nightly, took him from his place in the vessel, and, according to his own expression, worried his life out. He made these communications with a degree of horror which intimated the reality of his distress and apprehensions. The captain, without any argument at the time, privately resolved to watch the motions of the ghost-seer in the night; whether alone, or with a witness, I have forgotten. As the ship bell struck twelve, the sleeper started up, with a ghastly and disturbed countenance, and lighting a candle, proceeded to the galley or cook-room of the vessel. He sate down with his eyes open, staring before him as on some terrible object which he beheld with horror, yet from which he could not withhold his eyes. After a short space he arose, took up a tin can or decanter, filled it with water, muttering to himself all the while—mixed salt in the water, and sprinkled it about the galley. Finally, he sighed deeply, like one relieved from a heavy burden, and, returning to his hammock, slept soundly. In the next morning the haunted man told the usual precise story of his apparition, with the additional circumstances, that the ghost had led him to the galley, but that he had fortunately, he knew not how, obtained possession of some holy water, and succeeded in getting rid of his unwelcome visitor. The visionary was then informed of the real transactions of the night, with so many particulars as to satisfy him he had been the dupe of his imagination; he acquiesced in his commander's reasoning, and the dream, as often happens in these cases, returned no more after its imposture had been detected. In this case, we find the excited imagination acting upon the half-waking senses, which were intelligent enough for the purpose of making him sensible where he was, but not sufficiently so to judge truly of the objects before him.

But it is not only private life alone, or that tenor of thought which has been depressed into melancholy by gloomy anticipations respecting the future, which disposes the mind to mid-day fantasies, or to nightly apparitions—a state of eager anxiety, or excited exertion, is equally favourable to the indulgence of such supernatural communications. The anticipation of a dubious battle, with all the doubt and uncertainty of its event, and the conviction that it must involve his own fate and that of his country, was powerful enough to conjure up to the anxious eye of Brutus the spectre of his murdered friend Cæsar, respecting whose death he perhaps thought himself less justified than at the Ides of March, since, instead of having achieved the freedom of Rome, the event had only been the renewal of civil wars, and the issue might appear most likely to conclude in the total subjection of liberty. It is not miraculous that the masculine spirit of Marcus Brutus, surrounded by darkness and solitude, distracted probably by recollection of the kindness and favour of the great individual whom he had put to death to avenge the wrongs of his country, though by the slaughter of his own friend, should at length place before his eyes in person the appearance which termed itself his evil genius, and promised again to meet him at Philippi. Brutus' own intentions, and his knowledge of the military art, had probably long since assured him that the decision of the civil war must take place at or near that place; and, allowing that his own imagination supplied that part of his dialogue with the spectre, there is nothing else which might not be fashioned in a vivid dream or a waking reverie, approaching, in absorbing and engrossing character, the usual matter of which dreams consist. That Brutus, well acquainted with the opinions of the Platonists, should be disposed to receive without doubt the idea that he had seen a real apparition, and was not likely to scrutinize very minutely the supposed vision, may be naturally conceived; and it is also natural to think, that although no one saw the figure but himself, his contemporaries were little disposed to examine the testimony of a man so eminent, by the strict rules of cross-examination and conflicting evidence, which they might have thought applicable to another person, and a less dignified occasion.

Even in the field of death, and amid the mortal tug of combat itself, strong belief has wrought the same wonder, which we have hitherto mentioned as occurring in solitude and amid darkness; and those who were themselves on the verge of the world of spirits, or employed in dispatching others to these gloomy regions, conceived they beheld the apparitions of those beings whom their national mythology associated with such scenes. In such moments of undecided battle, amid the violence, hurry, and confusion of ideas incident to the situation, the ancients supposed that they saw their deities, Castor and Pollux, fighting in the van for their encouragement; the heathen Scandinavian beheld the Choosers of the slain; and the Catholics were no less easily led to recognize the warlike Saint George or Saint James in the very front of the strife, showing them the way to conquest. Such apparitions being generally visible to a multitude, have in all times been supported by the greatest strength of testimony. When the common feeling of danger, and the animating burst of enthusiasm, act on the feelings of many men at once, their minds hold a natural correspondence with each other, as it is said is the case with stringed instruments tuned to the same pitch, of which, when one is played, the chords of the others are supposed to vibrate in unison with the tones produced. If an artful or enthusiastic individual exclaims, in the heat of action, that he perceives an apparition of the romantic kind which has been intimated, his companions catch at the idea with emulation, and most are willing to sacrifice the conviction of their own senses, rather than allow that they did not witness the same favourable emblem, from which all draw confidence and hope. One warrior catches the idea from another; all are alike eager to acknowledge the present miracle, and the battle is won before the mistake is discovered. In such cases, the number of persons present, which would otherwise lead to detection of the fallacy, becomes the means of strengthening it.

Of this disposition, to see as much of the supernatural as is seen by others around, or, in other words, to trust to the eyes of others rather than to our own, we may take the liberty to quote two remarkable instances.

The first is from the "Historia Verdadera" of Don Bernal Dias del Castillo, one of the companions of the celebrated Cortez in his Mexican conquest. After having given an account of a great victory over extreme odds, he mentions the report inserted in the contemporary Chronicle of Gomara, that Saint Iago had appeared on a white horse in van of the combat, and led on his beloved Spaniards to victory. It is very curious to observe the Castilian cavalier's internal conviction that the rumour arose out of a mistake, the cause of which he explains from his own observation; whilst, at the same time, he does not venture to disown the miracle. The honest Conquestador owns that he himself did not see this animating vision; nay, that he beheld an individual cavalier, named Francisco de Morla, mounted on a chestnut horse, and fighting strenuously in the very place where Saint James is said to have appeared. But instead of proceeding to draw the necessary inference, the devout Conquestador exclaims—"Sinner that I am, what am I that I should have beheld the blessed apostle!"

The other instance of the infectious character of superstition occurs in a Scottish book, and there can be little doubt that it refers, in its first origin, to some uncommon appearance of the aurora borealis, or the northern lights, which do not appear to have been seen in Scotland so frequently as to be accounted a common and familiar atmospherical phenomenon, until the beginning of the eighteenth century. The passage is striking and curious, for the narrator, Peter Walker, though an enthusiast, was a man of credit, and does not even affect to have seen the wonders, the reality of which he unscrupulously adopts on the testimony of others, to whose eyes he trusted rather than to his own. The conversion of the sceptical gentleman of whom he speaks is highly illustrative of popular credulity carried away into enthusiasm, or into imposture, by the evidence of those around, and at once shows the imperfection of such a general testimony, and the ease with which it is procured, since the general excitement of the moment impels even the more cold-blooded and judicious persons present to catch up the ideas and echo the exclamations of the majority, who, from the first, had considered the heavenly phenomenon as a supernatural weapon-schaw, held for the purpose of a sign and warning of civil wars to come.

"In the year 1686, in the months of June and July," says the honest chronicler, "many yet alive can witness that about the Crossford Boat, two miles beneath Lanark, especially at the Mains, on the water of Clyde, many people gathered together for several afternoons, where there were showers of bonnets, hats, guns, and swords, which covered the trees and the ground; companies of men in arms marching in order upon the waterside; companies meeting companies, going all through other, and then all falling to the ground and disappearing; other companies immediately appeared, marching the same way. I went there three afternoons together, and, as I observed, there were two-thirds of the people that were together saw, and a third that saw not; and, though I could see nothing, there was such a fright and trembling on those that did see, that was discernible to all from those that saw not. There was a gentleman standing next to me who spoke as too many gentlemen and others speak, who said, 'A pack of damned witches and warlocks that have the second sight! the devil ha't do I see;' and immediately there was a discernible change in his countenance. With as much fear and trembling as any woman I saw there, he called out, 'All you that do not see, say nothing; for I persuade you it is matter of fact, and discernible to all that is not stone-blind.' And those who did see told what works (i.e., locks) the guns had, and their length and wideness, and what handles the swords had, whether small or three-barr'd, or Highland guards, and the closing knots of the bonnets, black or blue; and those who did see them there, whenever they went abroad, saw a bonnet and a sword drop in the way."[1]

[Footnote 1: Walker's "Lives," Edinburgh, 1827, vol. i. p. xxxvi. It is evident that honest Peter believed in the apparition of this martial gear on the principle of Partridge's terror for the ghost of Hamlet—not that he was afraid himself, but because Garrick showed such evident marks of terror.]

This singular phenomenon, in which a multitude believed, although only two-thirds of them saw what must, if real, have been equally obvious to all, may be compared with the exploit of the humourist, who planted himself in an attitude of astonishment, with his eyes riveted on the well-known bronze lion that graces the front of Northumberland House in the Strand, and having attracted the attention of those who looked at him by muttering, "By heaven it wags! it wags again!" contrived in a few minutes to blockade the whole street with an immense crowd, some conceiving that they had absolutely seen the lion of Percy wag his tail, others expecting' to witness the same phenomenon.

On such occasions as we have hitherto mentioned, we have supposed that the ghost-seer has been in full possession of his ordinary powers of perception, unless in the case of dreamers, in whom they may have been obscured by temporary slumber, and the possibility of correcting vagaries of the imagination rendered more difficult by want of the ordinary appeal to the evidence of the bodily senses. In other respects their blood beat temperately, they possessed the ordinary capacity of ascertaining the truth or discerning the falsehood of external appearances by an appeal to the organ of sight. Unfortunately, however, as is now universally known and admitted, there certainly exists more than one disorder known to professional men of which one important symptom is a disposition to see apparitions.

This frightful disorder is not properly insanity, although it is somewhat allied to that most horrible of maladies, and may, in many constitutions, be the means of bringing it on, and although such hallucinations are proper to both. The difference I conceive to be that, in cases of insanity, the mind of the patient is principally affected, while the senses, or organic system, offer in vain to the lunatic their decided testimony against the fantasy of a deranged imagination. Perhaps the nature of this collision—between a disturbed imagination and organs of sense possessed of their usual accuracy—cannot be better described than in the embarrassment expressed by an insane patient confined in the Infirmary of Edinburgh. The poor man's malady had taken a gay turn. The house, in his idea, was his own, and he contrived to account for all that seemed inconsistent with his imaginary right of property—there were many patients in it, but that was owing to the benevolence of his nature, which made him love to see the relief of distress. He went little, or rather never abroad—but then his habits were of a domestic and rather sedentary character. He did not see much company—but he daily received visits from the first characters in the renowned medical school of this city, and he could not therefore be much in want of society. With so many supposed comforts around him—with so many visions of wealth and splendour—one thing alone disturbed the peace of the poor optimist, and would indeed have confounded most bons vivants. "He was curious," he said, "in his table, choice in his selection of cooks, had every day a dinner of three regular courses and a dessert; and yet, somehow or other, everything he eat tasted of porridge." This dilemma could be no great wonder to the friend to whom the poor patient communicated it, who knew the lunatic eat nothing but this simple aliment at any of his meals. The case was obvious. The disease lay in the extreme vivacity of the patient's imagination, deluded in other instances, yet not absolutely powerful enough to contend with the honest evidence of his stomach and palate, which, like Lord Peter's brethren in "The Tale of a Tub," were indignant at the attempt to impose boiled oatmeal upon them, instead of such a banquet as Ude would have displayed when peers were to partake of it. Here, therefore, is one instance of actual insanity, in which the sense of taste controlled and attempted to restrain the ideal hypothesis adopted by a deranged imagination. But the disorder to which I previously alluded is entirely of a bodily character, and consists principally in a disease of the visual organs, which present to the patient a set of spectres or appearances which have no actual existence. It is a disease of the same nature which renders many men incapable of distinguishing colours; only the patients go a step further, and pervert the external form of objects. In their case, therefore, contrary to that of the maniac, it is not the mind, or rather the imagination, which imposes upon and overpowers the evidence of the senses, but the sense of seeing (or hearing) which betrays its duty and conveys false ideas to a sane intellect.

More than one learned physician, who have given their attestations to the existence of this most distressing complaint, have agreed that it actually occurs, and is occasioned by different causes. The most frequent source of the malady is in the dissipated and intemperate habits of those who, by a continued series of intoxication, become subject to what is popularly called the Blue Devils, instances of which mental disorder may be known to most who have lived for any period of their lives in society where hard drinking was a common vice. The joyous visions suggested by intoxication when the habit is first acquired, in time disappear, and are supplied by frightful impressions and scenes, which destroy the tranquillity of the unhappy debauchee. Apparitions of the most unpleasant appearance are his companions in solitude, and intrude even upon his hours of society: and when by an alteration of habits, the mind is cleared of these frightful ideas, it requires but the slightest renewal of the association to bring back the full tide of misery upon the repentant libertine.

Of this the following instance was told to the author by a gentleman connected with the sufferer. A young man of fortune, who had led what is called so gay a life as considerably to injure both his health and fortune, was at length obliged to consult the physician upon the means of restoring, at least, the former. One of his principal complaints was the frequent presence of a set of apparitions, resembling a band of figures dressed in green, who performed in his drawing-room a singular dance, to which he was compelled to bear witness, though he knew, to his great annoyance, that the whole corps de ballet existed only in his own imagination. His physician immediately informed him that he had lived upon town too long and too fast not to require an exchange to a more healthy and natural course of life. He therefore prescribed a gentle course of medicine, but earnestly recommended to his patient to retire to his own house in the country, observe a temperate diet and early hours, practising regular exercise, on the same principle avoiding fatigue, and assured him that by doing so he might bid adieu to black spirits and white, blue, green, and grey, with all their trumpery. The patient observed the advice, and prospered. His physician, after the interval of a month, received a grateful letter from him, acknowledging the success of his regimen. The greens goblins had disappeared, and with them the unpleasant train of emotions to which their visits had given rise, and the patient had ordered his town-house to be disfurnished and sold, while the furniture was to be sent down to his residence in the country, where he was determined in future to spend his life, without exposing himself to the temptations of town. One would have supposed this a well-devised scheme for health. But, alas! no sooner had the furniture of the London drawing-room been placed in order in the gallery of the old manor-house, than the former delusion returned in full force: the green figurantés, whom the patient's depraved imagination had so long associated with these moveables, came capering and frisking to accompany them, exclaiming with great glee, as if the sufferer should have been rejoiced to see them, "Here we all are—here we all are!" The visionary, if I recollect right, was so much shocked at their appearance, that he retired abroad, in despair that any part of Britain could shelter him from the daily persecution of this domestic ballet.

There is reason to believe that such cases are numerous, and that they may perhaps arise not only from the debility of stomach brought on by excess in wine or spirits, which derangement often sensibly affects the eyes and sense of sight, but also because the mind becomes habitually predominated over by a train of fantastic visions, the consequence of frequent intoxication; and is thus, like a dislocated joint, apt again to go wrong, even when a different cause occasions the derangement.

It is easy to be supposed that habitual excitement by means of any other intoxicating drug, as opium, or its various substitutes, must expose those who practise the dangerous custom to the same inconvenience. Very frequent use of the nitrous oxide which affects the senses so strongly, and produces a short but singular state of ecstasy, would probably be found to occasion this species of disorder. But there are many other causes which medical men find attended with the same symptom, of embodying before the eyes of a patient imaginary illusions which are visible to no one else. This persecution of spectral deceptions is also found to exist when no excesses of the patient can be alleged as the cause, owing, doubtless, to a deranged state of the blood or nervous system.

The learned and acute Dr. Ferriar of Manchester was the first who brought before the English public the leading case, as it may be called, in this department, namely, that of Mons. Nicolai, the celebrated bookseller of Berlin. This gentleman was not a man merely of books, but of letters, and had the moral courage to lay before the Philosophical Society of Berlin an account of his own sufferings, from having been, by disease, subjected to a series of spectral illusions. The leading circumstances of this case may be stated very shortly, as it has been repeatedly before the public, and is insisted on by Dr. Ferriar, Dr. Hibbert, and others who have assumed Demonology as a subject. Nicolai traces his illness remotely to a series of disagreeable incidents which had happened to him in the beginning of the year 1791. The depression of spirits which was occasioned by these unpleasant occurrences, was aided by the consequences of neglecting a course of periodical bleeding which he had been accustomed to observe. This state of health brought on the disposition to see phantasmata, who visited, or it may be more properly said frequented, the apartments of the learned bookseller, presenting crowds of persons who moved and acted before him, nay, even spoke to and addressed him. These phantoms afforded nothing unpleasant to the imagination of the visionary either in sight or expression, and the patient was possessed of too much firmness to be otherwise affected by their presence than with a species of curiosity, as he remained convinced from the beginning to the end of the disorder, that these singular effects were merely symptoms of the state of his health, and did not in any other respect regard them as a subject of apprehension. After a certain time, and some use of medicine, the phantoms became less distinct in their outline, less vivid in their colouring, faded, as it were, on the eye of the patient, and at length totally disappeared.

The case of Nicolai has unquestionably been that of many whose love of science has not been able to overcome their natural reluctance to communicate to the public the particulars attending the visitation of a disease so peculiar. That such illnesses have been experienced, and have ended fatally, there can be no doubt; though it is by no means to be inferred, that the symptom of importance to our present discussion has, on all occasions, been produced from the same identical cause.

Dr. Hibbert, who has most ingeniously, as well as philosophically, handled this subject, has treated it also in a medical point of view, with science to which we make no pretence, and a precision of detail to which our superficial investigation affords us no room for extending ourselves.

The visitation of spectral phenomena is described by this learned gentleman as incidental to sundry complaints; and he mentions, in particular, that the symptom occurs not only in plethora, as in the case of the learned Prussian we have just mentioned, but is a frequent hectic symptom—often an associate of febrile and inflammatory disorders—frequently accompanying inflammation of the brain—a concomitant also of highly excited nervous irritability—equally connected with hypochondria—and finally united in some cases with gout, and in others with the effects of excitation produced by several gases. In all these cases there seems to be a morbid degree of sensibility, with which this symptom is ready to ally itself, and which, though inaccurate as a medical definition, may be held sufficiently descriptive of one character of the various kinds of disorder with which this painful symptom may be found allied.

A very singular and interesting illustration of such combinations as Dr. Hibbert has recorded of the spectral illusion with an actual disorder, and that of a dangerous kind, was frequently related in society by the late learned and accomplished Dr. Gregory of Edinburgh, and sometimes, I believe, quoted by him in his lectures. The narrative, to the author's best recollection, was as follows:—A patient of Dr. Gregory, a person, it is understood, of some rank, having requested the doctor's advice, made the following extraordinary statement of his complaint. "I am in the habit," he said, "of dining at five, and exactly as the hour of six arrives I am subjected to the following painful visitation. The door of the room, even when I have been weak enough to bolt it, which I have sometimes done, flies wide open; an old hag, like one of those who haunted the heath of Forres, enters with a frowning and incensed countenance, comes straight up to me with every demonstration of spite and indignation which could characterize her who haunted the merchant Abudah in the Oriental tale; she rushes upon me, says something, but so hastily that I cannot discover the purport, and then strikes me a severe blow with her staff. I fall from my chair in a swoon, which is of longer or shorter endurance. To the recurrence of this apparition I am daily subjected. And such is my new and singular complaint." The doctor immediately asked whether his patient had invited any one to sit with him when he expected such a visitation. He was answered in the negative. The nature of the complaint, he said, was so singular, it was so likely to be imputed to fancy, or even to mental derangement, that he had shrunk from communicating the circumstance to any one. "Then," said the doctor, "with your permission, I will dine with you to-day, téte-à-téte, and we will see if your malignant old woman will venture to join our company." The patient accepted the proposal with hope and gratitude, for he had expected ridicule rather than sympathy. They met at dinner, and Dr. Gregory, who suspected some nervous disorder, exerted his powers of conversation, well known to be of the most varied and brilliant character, to keep the attention of his host engaged, and prevent him from thinking on the approach of the fated hour, to which he was accustomed to look forward with so much terror. He succeeded in his purpose better than he had hoped. The hour of six came almost unnoticed, and it was hoped might pass away without any evil consequence; but it was scarce a moment struck when the owner of the house exclaimed, in an alarmed voice, "The hag comes again!" and dropped back in his chair in a swoon, in the way he had himself described. The physician caused him to be let blood, and satisfied himself that the periodical shocks of which his patient complained arose from a tendency to apoplexy.

The phantom with the crutch was only a species of machinery, such as that with which fancy is found to supply the disorder called Ephialtes, or nightmare, or indeed any other external impression upon our organs in sleep, which the patient's morbid imagination may introduce into the dream preceding the swoon. In the nightmare an oppression and suffocation is felt, and our fancy instantly conjures up a spectre to lie on our bosom. In like manner it may be remarked, that any sudden noise which the slumberer hears, without being actually awakened by it—any casual touch of his person occurring in the same manner—becomes instantly adopted in his dream, and accommodated to the tenor of the current train of thought, whatever that may happen to be; and nothing is more remarkable than the rapidity with which imagination supplies a complete explanation of the interruption, according to the previous train of ideas expressed in the dream, even when scarce a moment of time is allowed for that purpose. In dreaming, for example, of a duel, the external sound becomes, in the twinkling of an eye, the discharge of the combatants' pistols;—is an orator haranguing in his sleep, the sound becomes the applause of his supposed audience;—is the dreamer wandering among supposed ruins, the noise is that of the fall of some part of the mass. In short, an explanatory system is adopted during sleep with such extreme rapidity, that supposing the intruding alarm to have been the first call of some person to awaken the slumberer, the explanation, though requiring some process of argument or deduction, is usually formed and perfect before the second effort of the speaker has restored the dreamer to the waking world and its realities. So rapid and intuitive is the succession of ideas in sleep, as to remind us of the vision of the prophet Mahommed, in which he saw the whole wonders of heaven and hell, though the jar of water which fell when his ecstasy commenced, had not spilled its contents when he returned to ordinary existence.

A second, and equally remarkable instance, was communicated to the author by the medical man under whose observation it fell, but who was, of course, desirous to keep private the name of the hero of so singular a history. Of the friend by whom the facts were attested I can only say, that if I found myself at liberty to name him, the rank which he holds in his profession, as well as his attainments in science and philosophy, form an undisputed claim to the most implicit credit.

It was the fortune of this gentleman to be called in to attend the illness of a person now long deceased, who in his lifetime stood, as I understand, high in a particular department of the law, which often placed the property of others at his discretion and control, and whose conduct, therefore, being open to public observation, he had for many years borne the character of a man of unusual steadiness, good sense, and integrity. He was, at the time of my friend's visits, confined principally to his sick-room, sometimes to bed, yet occasionally attending to business, and exerting his mind, apparently with all its usual strength and energy, to the conduct of important affairs intrusted to him; nor did there, to a superficial observer, appear anything in his conduct, while so engaged, that could argue vacillation of intellect, or depression of mind. His outward symptoms of malady argued no acute or alarming disease. But slowness of pulse, absence of appetite, difficulty of digestion, and constant depression of spirits, seemed to draw their origin from some hidden cause, which the patient was determined to conceal. The deep gloom of the unfortunate gentleman—the embarrassment, which he could not conceal from his friendly physician—the briefness and obvious constraint with which he answered the interrogations of his medical adviser, induced my friend to take other methods for prosecuting his inquiries. He applied to the sufferer's family, to learn, if possible, the source of that secret grief which was gnawing the heart and sucking the life-blood of his unfortunate patient. The persons applied to, after conversing together previously, denied all knowledge of any cause for the burden which obviously affected their relative. So far as they knew—and they thought they could hardly be deceived—his worldly affairs were prosperous; no family loss had occurred which could be followed with such persevering distress; no entanglements of affection could be supposed to apply to his age, and no sensation of severe remorse could be consistent with his character. The medical gentleman had finally recourse to serious argument with the invalid himself, and urged to him the folly of devoting himself to a lingering and melancholy death, rather than tell the subject of affliction which was thus wasting him. He specially pressed upon him the injury which he was doing to his own character, by suffering it to be inferred that the secret cause of his dejection and its consequences was something too scandalous or flagitious to be made known, bequeathing in this manner to his family a suspected and dishonoured name, and leaving a memory with which might be associated the idea of guilt, which the criminal had died without confessing. The patient, more moved by this species of appeal than by any which had yet been urged, expressed his desire to speak out frankly to Dr.——. Every one else was removed, and the door of the sick-room made secure, when he began his confession in the following manner:,

I have read this demonology book when I was I think, 11 or 12 maybe 13. Anyways, I am getting a far lot more out of it NOW ; as compared to then!

The next posting about this Demonology and Witchcraft by Sir Walter Scott will be in the next hour or so, if not then when I wake up!

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maskmakervega · 5 years ago

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First entry: clearing my head on the end of the relationship

I don’t know if i’ll really use this much, but for now I’m just going to describe the issues with, and surrounding the end of my breakup. First and foremost, love doesn’t die. It can change, like energy, but it never goes away, once it is present it will always be there. For her, lets just call her X, she seems to believe that love is the only thing a relationship needs, and if the relationship ends, the love was never real. This was a common thing she would either directly say or elude to after our numerous breakups. We got together in january 2019, but didn’t really start dating until around march, which is when she stopped pulling the plug on it. She was very indecisive at first, and considering we work together, it is both understandable and smart, we both had reservations... but both of us grew emotionally attached very quickly. To say that she is both very harsh on herself, and hugely jealous, is accurate but underselling it as well. This became very evident after we started having sex, as she was intimidated by how many people I slept with back in my “confused and wanting to feel normal” days. She was also uncomfortable with the fact that i am attracted to certain aesthetics, and she doesn’t look that way, so she would always tell me that she isn’t my type and then let it get to her. This was a big bag of red flags that I should have run from, but I was really into her and figured she would learn that I am absolutely faithful and do not require someone to dress like a goth for me to be attracted to them. That did not happen, really ever, regardless of what she said. During the planning of her friends wedding (march?), they all decided to scour fetlife to see if they knew people on it, and she found my profile. It outlined what i find attractive, but also that I am not looking for anything but friendship, and that I hadn’t used the website in like 4 months. She saw that i liked a face picture of someone she knows, and that irked her (this person is goth). The profile description and lack of time i logged into it (before we dated) didn’t seem to matter, a week or so later she told me about that and that she couldn’t stop thinking about it, and how she isn’t right for me and she doesn’t know if she is happy. After hearing about that and me arguing with her for over an hour, I decided that this time I needed to break the relationship off. Clearly she wasn’t happy, and I didn’t like being told that a personal taste of mine is responsible for her feeling like she can’t be with me, something entirely out of my control and was never brought up to her. X had returned my key and my things with a “sorry” card. I made the mistake of telling a mutual friend that i wanted her to make sure X is ok, and that shared the information and we started talking again. After 3 days we got back together. Up until this point, she really wanted to keep our relationship a secret from everyone at work, adamantly, but within a month or two a few people knew. Not a big deal.

In april/may, basically her birthday, she was going on about how one of her friends thought i was dark and bla bla bla, The dude is in love with her and tries to get into her head. It kinda worked, because a few weeks later when she had a little get together where 5 of us drank and played cards, she got hammered. We ended up leaving and going to my place, and that same guy texted her the entire time, trashing me again. She drunkenly broke up with me that night, didn’t remember in the morning. That let to another fight and honestly i don’t remember much about it. It was about May/June when she really went ballistic, jealousy, over my roommates girlfriend. I had known this person for 14 years, and we slept together maybe 3 or 4 times (this person only remembers once). She was a long time friend, and her long distance boyfriend needed a place to stay in the area, so i let him move in as a favor. I am an unnecessarily honest person, I can’t keep lies straight and i don’t like to lie, so i just don’t. I told X about all of that before he even moved in, and she didn’t seem to make that much of a deal other than calling her a whore and all that (not to her face). The roommate was almost always in his room, and his girlfriend really only came over on weekends. Things seemed fine, until one day X started blowing up about the other chick at random. Talking about how i shouldn’t be friends with her, how she doesn't want her to come over, how shes a whore and she doesn’t trust her (by proxy me) This was a vicious fight, and it made no sense. To make a long story short, i broke up with her because of how ridiculously unreasonable she was being. Her jealousy caused 2 breakups at that point, and we had only been dating for a few months. I can’t think at the moment, there were several more breakups, i think 6 more. She counts 1 as me breaking up with her, but really it was her drunkenly making a fool of herself, embarrassing me with this in an up-scale bar, telling me every horrible thing she can about me, and breaking up with me on my birthday. But, she doesn't remember any of it and expected me to just forgive her. What caused it? Well we went out to dinner and then went to a club i like, it was a really great day until 30 seconds after we left the club.

Outside there were 2 chicks and she was telling me they were checking me out, and i said something along the lines of “eh it happens”. It kinda snowballed for the next few minutes, delicately, enough so we drunkenly walked into the nice bar and sat down to order our desert martinis. This is where she kinda goes off on a tangent and then brings up how she doesnt trust a long time friend that i talk to, because MONTHS before, she got onto my COMPUTER while i was in the shower, and read my old messages with this person. Old messages from before we even started dating, and saw that i had told her i missed her (we had a romantic connection but never met in person, again, this was a different 16 year friendship). I was not making the best judgement, and gave her my phone to scroll through my messages to that person. to the effect of “really? prove it, prove where i said i miss her”. She scrolled through about 6 months of texts, going “oh you talk a lot huh?” and things of that nature, but she never found what she was looking for. She accused me of deleting the message, which i didn’t even know you could do. I told her she had major trust issues and was blowing everything out of proportion and cant hold it against me that i have female friends, and she said “yeah well i’m not a whore, like you”. Then went OFF as we were leaving. This went on for about 20 minutes, as we are driving home and she is piss drunk. Its at this point she gets even madder and says she is done with me. We get back home about an hour later, i have to shake her to get her out of the car because she is so blackout drunk. she goes inside, takes my blankets and wraps herself in them in the middle of my bed, so i have to go sleep in the living room. Justifiably hurt and pissed off, i made a jab on facebook about how great it is to be dumped on your birthday. She sees this because one of her 4 friends that is in love with her, buzzes her asking to hang out, so we wakes up to the knowledge that people understand her to be single. Then she freaks out at me, i take the post down (its about 7am), only a small handful of people saw it, unfortunately they were coworkers. I didn’t think or plan it out, i was hurt and angry and it seemed like a good idea. We get into a big discussion about it, and how she would never break up with me, i tell her about every detail from the night before and she doesn’t even remember leaving the bar. That made it worse, because i drank A LOT when i was with her. About a bottle of scotch every 10 days, and we would go to get beers and stuff sometimes. She loves her booze, a lot of people do, but she doesn’t pace herself. Days went by with her trying to whittle me down and take her back, i think it turned into about a week by the end. When she had whittled me down to the bone with begging, i folded to an extent. I told her she needs to cut back on the drinking, and we got together. This lasted a few weeks (toward mid september) until she got into the jealousy issues again. It was a friend on facebook, who posted a workout photo and they had lost a lot of weight. I liked the photo, and that turned into a fight. Between that, and her telling me she was feeling like i didn’t love her as much since the last breakup, i broke it off again for about another week. I was going to have surgery in a few days and we started talking again, we made peace and agreed that as long as she started seeing a therapist we could try dating again, but i didn’t want to jump back into it super quickly, just hang out. That lasted a good while,and she really seemed to be trying. Bla bla bla, 2 breakups later we are where we are now. The final breakup was January 10th. We had been together, secretly, for about 6 weeks at that point. It was secret because her friends all hated me by this point, and her roommate (her ex of 5 years) said he would kick her out if we started dating again. Yeah, she left that last part out, which really burned me. Her housing situation was dependent on her roommate not finding out we were together again, and that meant she had to spend less time with me. Between the 2nd week of december and the first week of january, i saw her probably 8 days... we used to spend nearly every day together. I started seeing the pattern more clearly, and saw how this would not work. It was also about this time that my depression started to kick in again (huge theme that entire year, go figure), and i couldn’t help but over-analyze. You think quite a lot when there is deafening silence in your head, you feel nothing but empty, and the dark swallows you whole. I ended up doing what I should have done months ago, which was to be good to myself and take some much needed space. I needed to look out for me, because this relationship was making me feel unwanted and depressed.

The relationship was a roller coaster every few weeks, of whether she would freudian-slip some jealousy (that she said she fixed in therapy), or seem to withhold affection and time alone because of reasons she wouldn’t share (usually relating to those incidents). I couldn’t continue question myself because she’d question me, i couldn’t feel like i was nothing but a warm body to cuddle up next to. We didn’t have the ability to get into long conversations, she was afraid of them, and it made me feel a growing divide between us. At the one month mark of the breakup she was still trying to hang on. We talked about trying to hang out as friends, and she swore thats all it would be, but within 2 days she completely changed her tune and said she didn’t want to hang out unless it was to move toward getting back together. As of last week (valentines day) she had to leave work because someone decided to give her anonymous flowers and she thought it was me. She started messaging me and i had to shutdown what she was thinking, which made her cry and she left for the day. This has not been an easy process, because i deeply care for X. Although we had a lot of good times, i am a realist and to many, a pessimist, and looking back I see more bad than good. Distrust is a demon that must be slain to make a relationship function, and that is why ours was so dysfunctional. Hell, i think i have trust issues too now at this point. A lot of detail has been left out here, I don’t know if she will ever find this so I left a lot of personal and identifying details out, many of which are crucial to why the relationship failed so many times... but, i also don’t think anyone will read this.

#reflection breakup confusion heartbreak selfimprovement space staystrong

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nextcassie · 5 years ago

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Unpopular Opinion: The #Bullytoo Movement in Korea is not a good thing...

Content Warning: I am going to talk about bullying and #metoo please be aware of these things.

So if you follow Kpop entertainment news lately you might have been noticing that a lot of idols and entertainers in general are having accusations of bullying brought up. Many knetizens have been posting anonymously in online forums about the promoting idols that bullied them in the past some with evidence and others without evidence. So for those of you who don’t know that this is happening or don’t know why I wanted to take the time to discuss this and why it’s not a good thing.

This movement started when a JYP trainee Yoon Seobin went onto Produce 101 X and it was revealed that he was an “injin” or someone who smoked and drank alcohol as minor. Many people were upset and took to bashing him online. However, he really caught attention when a netizen then stepped up and claimed that he had bullied him with physical violence and he was essentially condemned by the rest of the country resulting in him being kicked off the show. This led to Knetzs starting a movement called the #bullytoo movement.

The #bullytoo movement was designed to have people step up and name the idols that had bullied them in the past, much like the #metoo movement. However, there are a few key differences to keep in mind about these two movements. The main one being that while people in the #metoo movement were sometimes accused of sexual assault, it was mainly to show support to other victims of sexual assault or harassment. But, the #bullytoo movement is not a movement to impower those who were bullied, but is specifically designed to pick out those in the entertainment industry who had bullied before. Another key difference is that members of the #metoo movement did not remain anonymous online but revealed their identities despite all the backlash. Those with the #bullytoo movement have been anonymous posters online who have not had to reveal any personal information about themselves, including contact information. The main difference is one was started to show support and turned into something that exposed many people in the media and the other is one that was specifically started to target those in the media.

So what’s the problem with this? Bullying is bad and is definitely a trauma that many people carry with them throughout their life. I’ve been one to mention that I’ve been bullied and carried a lot of that with me as well.

Let’s start off with three major problems. The first is that it’s almost impossible to verify if these statements are true or not due to the posters being allowed to remain anonymous. The second is that people are being held accountable for actions that were committed when they were ten years old or actions that happened twenty years ago. The last, it’s turning an entire nation against people and publicly shaming them for their actions that may or may not be true.

Okay let’s start with the first one where it’s impossible to verify if things are true or not. Recently Berry Good’s Daye was a part of the #bullytoo movement where anonymous netizens claimed that she had used violence against in a large group of people to target the accuser. The netizens stepped forward with proof that proved that they had known each other and said that Daye had transferred schools multiple times in order to keep her record clean. Knetzs were immediate to hop on this and began to drag and accuse her online, despite the fact that she had bee on hiatus due to health reasons. She was unable to directly connect with her accusers due to the anonymity of the website and it was up to them to contact her. The accusers like many others claimed that they wanted an apology, but made it hard to contact them. Hyolyn, former member of sistar, also ran into an issue of someone accusing her, but not wanting to meet up with anyone (her or her company) to settle the issue. Although her accuser eventually talked with her it was after the accuser posted screenshots of Hyolyn “ignoring” her. Hyolyn had been on a flight coming from over seas at the time the netizen was trying to contact her. The two of them eventually met up and settled the dispute. The main issue is that everyone is aware of the celebrities involved, but no one has any idea of what the background of the victims of bullying involved are and this has led to problems that I will discuss later on. It’s impossible for them to settle things or issue a sincere apology if people can no even contact those accusing them.

The second issue is that people are being held accountable for actions that they did when they were so young that Hyolyn saying she does “not remember” is something happened is not a completely ridiculous reason. In Daye’s case, her accuser was talking about something that happened in sixth grade where she would have been somewhere around 10-12 years old. That’s incredibly young. Hyolyn’s case took place about 15 years ago as well. It’s hard to recall a situation that far back and be able to give a definite answer of what happened. This is something that those accusing them have an advantage over them because they can instantly claim they forgot everything once they became a celebrity and no longer care. Something that does happen and absolutely enrages people. So much so that it no longer matters what the accuser is saying, they can issue statements and not have to take responsibility where the idol will have to because their face is attached to it. The main issue though is that we are punishing people for action in the past. Everyone grows up from this time period and significantly matures and it’s unreasonable to hold people accountable for these actions. Especially because everyone makes mistakes at this age because they are children. You should not punish a fully grown adult for something they did as children, especially when at that time it is not only the responsibility of the person who bullied someone, but members of the school faculty that should have been involved preventing this. If people are having this hard of a time coping bullying that happened, it’s a messaged that the schools failed in not only preventing bullying, but offering proper care to their students after bullying and proper consequences to the bullies. Children are reliant to be taught what is right and what is wrong. Without guidance things like bullying will keep occurring.

Lastly, I mentioned that it turns an entire nation against an entertainer to publicly shame and humiliate them. This is a huge problem with this movement. I’m sure some people are like “They bullied someone let them feel pain”. However, most of these #bullytoo movements haven’t actually been 100% true so far. So Hyolyn, Daye, and Yoon Seobin were some of the most publicized ones so I will talk about them and the consequences they have suffered. Hyolyn runs her own company and manages everything as the only promoting artist under her label. This set not only her as an artist, but everyone in her small label back. She ended up settling the dispute and many had assumed that she had paid of the netizen that had accused her. Others had also anonymously supported the bully, but someone who also attended Hyolyn’s school stepped up to remind people that Hyolyn had also been bullied a lot during this time, including instances by her accuser. This was also something Hyolyn discussed years ago, but it got very little attention. Other people had stepped up and said that they had been bullied by the accuser as well and this led to the accuser quickly removing all her posts and then finally meeting with Hyolyn to come to a conclusion. Essentially, both of them were guilty, but Hyolyn will be the only one to receive major damage from this. In the case of Daye, everything the netizen had claimed ended up being completely false and the netizen was proven to have not only bullied Daye, but many of her friends as well. Luckily Daye made a very clear statement that I would recommend reading here. Accusing her online was almost an extension of the bullying that had happened to Daye in elementary school and many netizens had bought into it and continually sent her hate. Yoon Seobin was a bit of an interesting case because he had yet to debut. However, the accusations of bullying resulted in him being let go from Produce 101 X and contributed to him being kicked out of JYP. This left him to deal with all the backlash without a representative and on his own, despite being incredibly young. He was also proven completely innocent of his bullying accusations by his former teacher and classmates (here). However, he still faced consequences that were from this false accusation.

So, all these people face public shaming and a large amount of hate when they were not the only one’s guilty of these actions or did not commit these actions. They are still being punished for these actions, but why? So I’ll tell you one of the first things you learn when you study media (yay finally a use for my degree…). It’s that we as human beings gravitate toward negative news more than positive news. Only on a very slow news day do many articles with positive information get posted on most publication sites. This means that essentially everyone following the news was able to hear the accusations and formed the opinion that they were guilty, but when evidence of them being innocent came out most of it was ignored in favor of different articles. Because no one is aware that they were cleared many people will continue to carry that very negative view of these idols in their mind. In Hyolyn’s case she was cleared on Korea media sites, but many places that translate news or write about news in English ignored this information and instead began posting articles online of Daye and her alleged bullying.

Okay so what the issue? Why is this a big deal this will all die down eventually and go back to normal?

But will it? Essentially by validating all these anonymous posts with little evidence of actual bullying we’ve just empowered a whole new group of knetz. They’re now fully aware that with a large enough claim and a bit of evidence as simple as proof of knowing an idol at some point in their life they can get attention and even potentially money from false accusations. Daye’s accuser was even able to secure an interview on national television, during a news program to talk about her being bullied. We’ve essentially started an online witch hunt for any and all people who have bullied someone in the past. Maybe people really will bring forth serious bullying claims that need to be addressed, but so far there has only been one that has had photographic evidence that has since been taken down due threats of the company suing those posting them for defamation (PM me for details. I do not have pictures, but I will let you know who it was). At this point anyone who steps up with passable evidence will be approached by companies who are going to want to control this and this more often than not results in not just an apology like people claim to want, but results in them being paid off with money. At that point, no matter if the idol is innocent or guilty they will be blamed.

I just want to make it clear that I am not condoning bullying in any way shape or form. I myself still have certain instances trigger my past bullying experiences, like Wendy in Red Velvet making fun of back women. However, this isn’t something Wendy did in the 6th grade, but something she did currently as a promoting idol. It is not the internets job to shame people for actions that took place in school years ago. It is the job of schools to step up and take care of these situations. It’s also important to recognize that people do change from when they’re in school to when they become adults. It’s also important to recognize that a lot of bullies who are children usually suffer in some way as well. One of my childhood bullies in middle school who was never violent with me, but verbally tormented me was actually going through a lot of emotional pain after losing her father in a car crash and I became the target of that anger. While that does not excuse her actions, it does mean that she was not taught how to deal properly with her emotions and after being put into grief counseling by the school and being forced to deal with her emotions properly she stopped bullying me and others. It was the actions of the adults around us as children that stopped this bullying.

I also want to bring up that continuing to threaten people online is also a form of bullying. These people were accused of bullying, but then thousands of people proved that they were no better by flooding them with hate and threats. If someone truly wants to start fighting against bullying, they need to look at the policies surrounding bullying at schools and not punish these people years later for something that should have been settled then. It is not helping those currently suffering from bullying. It is only helping destroy years of work put into a career and getting money in these accusers pockets. It is essentially giving knetz even more power over human beings who now have to live in constant fear of false accusations. Perhaps, if this movement was actually bringing to light recent instances of bullying it wouldn’t be so bad, but these are past actions that many people grow out of due to the guidance of others or just by maturing into adults.

Yes, it would be nice to for victims to receive a verbal apology from every person that had ever bullied them. However, if to get that apology they have to publicly shame them, destroy their career, and rally thousands of people to send them aggressive messages and threats, it makes them a current bully.

Feel free to respectfully agree or disagree with me.

#opinions #opinion #kpop #kpop news #hyolyn #bullying #bullytoo

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styafiya-blog · 2 years ago

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Quick Tips About Control Of The Internet Federal In Home Government

Control of the Internet is a hot topic these days, with everyone from the president to the average Joe commenting on the issue. This article gives you the facts you need to make up your mind. If you know of the in-home government worldwide, all nations should wake up. The sad news is that they are the federal government controlled by one side of the corruption system. I experienced most of the in-home government attacks. I studied their behavior for five years when it comes to the Internet. The federal government controls all people who organize and operate a business. You need to know this. The Internet has a keeper who controls the process program. That means, everything we do, they can stop it, block it, or delete it. all affiliate marketers and web newbies The United States government controls a great deal of the Internet. To understand why, you must understand how the Internet works and what role the government plays in its operation.

All the apps, social media, websites, blogs, passwords, uploaded videos, music, and downloads are controlled by a code. They have the power to decode the whole web system. All our money wallets, from Cash App right down to PayPal, can be easily accessed from your account. Where do I live in New York City, Jamaica? Queens on Farmers Blvd. Hollis I have the federal government override all my accounts online all the time. When they do this, the website owners either block you or remove you from their website. Your Post Believe it or not, that type of attack behavior happened to me every day for the last fifteen years. The in-home government stole all my web creations and kept my business down. Dealfigure Entertainment's one side of the system gives them the order to do so. The federal government has been a major player in the development of the Internet. Learn about the history of the Internet, the Federal Communications Commission, and the role of the federal government on the Internet. I am keeping my eyes on one side of the behavior of the law that controls the information code of the website. Everyone that is doing business on the web is not hiding anything. I mention that because they can listen to your mind. If you don't wake up to this article, I don't know what will. I mention this many times in my videos. The system is breaking the rules and killing the people and taking their ideas. If you are familiar with constitutional law, I would like to remind you that it is right here.The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated, and no warrants shall be issued except upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and specifically describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.

The big questions I ask myself How come the system is listening and doing business with our minds and no one says anything about it? I am a reggae star and a speaker online. The in-home government hacked my computer and took all my instrumentals I created, songs I wrote, and all the sales I made with them. The system knows me and doesn't want me to live my dream that I was born to live. I figured it out because they also stopped all my checks at the post office. I don't know how true it is, but people tell me they are changing some of the checks and sharing the money with each other.Internet freedom is under attack in the United States and around the world. If you check my Facebook page and listen to the video, look at the share button. How many times can I share it? Check the views to have a better understanding of the attachment attack I am having and all the social media websites.

#Control of the Internet #Federal government control #Internet's control #Us #united states #reggae

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mulcibere · 7 years ago

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whats good, @worldfathered / @telekidd / @blvescreen / @sbyirw ? you ugly piece of shit.

you don’t know me, but i sure as hell know you. i’m making this post because you’ve repeatedly been transphobic and either react w/aggression or flat out ignore us when we come to you. not to mention your whole fiasco w the eatin disorders thing that’ll be covered under the cut. :)

first of all, you got a trans verse. what the fuck is up with that?

+ proof that your trans tag exists:

you know, surprisingly enough, my life as a trans man isnt glamorous or much different from a cis person’s. i live, i laugh, i act like a mess sometimes, i feel emotions, i try new things. only difference? i don’t agree w/what i was assigned w/ at birth and im struggling w it. do you know how difficult it is for the trans community when ppl like you do shit like this? do you know how many fucking times ive had ppl come to me TELLING ME im followin a damn trend bc of bull shit like this? make your character trans or dont. don’t make a whole verse for it. it’s not that hard to do. and why are you changing your whole fc? do you really need a whole new fuckin faceclaim for a trans character? lol trans verses are transphobic. the fact that you felt the need to make a whole separate verse for your muse to be trans makes my head fuckin hurt. here’s a post that nicely sums up WHY these sorts of verses are transphobic.

and if this was all you got from people contacting you about this issue, you really havent been listenin to us and tryna cooperate and work things out as calmly as we have been. but hey, we’re just bein big and evil, huh? my bad.

btw, if you’re genderfluid, you’re trans! you makin a separate verse for your muse to be trans even though your muse is CANONICALLY GENDERFUILD is transphobic, regardless of if you’re trans or not. you’re saying non binary people aren’t trans and are excluding them. and i got sent in a screencap of someone discussing this and it words exactly what im trying to say perfectly:

in case you delete anythin, we got this handy dandy link: https://web.archive.org/web/20180304230604/http://bittenkid.co.vu/post/165345023694/you-have-a-trans-verse

and someone DID come to you today, and i’ll give you points, you were civil about it.

but honestly, you even respondin, much less in a civil way is surprising as fuck to me, seeing as when people approach you and you give no response:

but

when you do respond when people approach you, react like this. real mature, huh? “special snow flake triggered ass” are you fuckin serious? is this how you react to people approaching you in a calm manner? speaking out over those you upset and callin them “special snowflakes?” if you honestly respond to conflict and concern like this, i really do pray for you and how you fair in real life situations.

and again.

calling trans people and others special snowflakes. for being upset with you and trying to speak with you about it.

and again. with the aggression. you surely see a reoccurring theme here, don’t you? i sure do.

and this as well. “hating this website” for people coming to you and tryna tell you what you did was wrong is just so mean, right?

and again with “triggered”, aka, people trying to discuss things with you and you actin completely unreasonable and painting us as the bad guys for bein genuinely hurt and trying to seek reconciliation. even with a video attached!

http://bittenkid.co.vu/post/165349873779/welcome-to-tumblr-dot-com-where-you-cant-have-nice

if you delete that post, i got it uploaded real nice here as well! https://www.dropbox.com/s/pd47gs3l1s4s7ct/video.mov?dl=0

we had someone message you politely askin for an apology for usin these terms and reactin how you have and you know what you did? blocked em.

so tell me, why is it that when we come to you politely, wantin to talk things out like adults in IMs, you always respond w/ calling us special snowflakes, triggered jokes (making fun of and slandering people w/ trauma, may i add! as someone with diagnosed trauma, im not down with the triggered jokes), postin about us, blocking us, and being aggressive? doesn’t seem very reasonable, does it? and yet we’re the ones bein unreasonable for being genuinely upset? bummer.

and another thing is that you’ve been pretty fishy with eating disorders and mental health as well. wanna explain that?

n then youve obviously been postin concernin enough stuff to get someone to contact you abt it, and you react like this?

you continually reply with aggression.

listen sans, im a forgivin dude. i believe in redemption. i believe people can be a better person if they wanna be. so all im literally askin is for you to listen to us. cooperate with us. stop calling us names and acting aggressive when we try approaching you about this. don’t continually try and shut us down we we try and try and try to talk with you about this.

for the record, we arent harassing you. we’ve been coming to you as calmly and as civil as we possibly can. but you responding with aggression and calling us special snowflakes or not even respondin at all is why we’re done puttin up w/you. we’re done bein treated as doormats n bein walked over like one by you lol. you wanna know why we havent contact you when it happens? because you respond like this. just open your heart and listen to what people gotta say, man.

i really am praying for you and i hope that one day you change your heart enough to open up.

#call out /#callout /#namedrop /#name drop /#transphobia /#albeism /#slurs /#ask to tag #ricky vc: o-oh..... ouuuuaaagghhh...!!!!!

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years ago

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Discourse of Tuesday, 07 September 2021

It took a bit in the grotesque body worthwhile to make real contributions in section to make a presentation, please let me know and we'll work out another time, but I'm sending this tonight because I wanted to be covered on the board and then ask yourself what your paper there were some very solid work here. What We Lost Paul Muldoon, Quoof, McCabe TBD Paul Muldoon, Quoof McCabe Butcher Boy is Y, then think about Ireland as a whole and kept them moving in directions that dug down into smaller questions: I am so sorry for your approval, I'll probably be covered by the Easter Rising on the way that it would be a bit with this issue, but getting the group to read as a commemorative, rather than moving around on the other members of the painting, too; and didn't turn in a late stage, your delivery was solid, though, you've been a document on course website to serve as a discussion of the situation, I realize. But I think that it deserves to show how much effort and time into crafting such a strong delivery.

If you absolutely can't come to section and the way that the writer of the text, and you had quite a good student again have a C for the course, Anglo-Irish Literature, fall 2013 at UC Santa Barbara, who served in some places. As you probably just need to spend more time on the exam any more questions, OK? One of these are important and impressive.

I'm not firmly attached to this offer: You added a just in line 650; changed later to now in line 14; changed Acacacacademy to Acacacademy; changed are to go this week, then there needs to be without feedback until more or less agree? It's OK to set page margins in MS Word 2007: A chicken. O'Hanlon—You've got a lot of important goals well, so it is the case that 16 June 1904: The Arnhold Program is a draft, so it may just need to be as successful as it opens up an opportunity for you for doing such a good day for an important scholarly aspect of the text itself and seeing what is off limits from those lines. We Lost Eavan Boland these poems can be hard to get them to pick one or more particular poems by line number if you start participating and pick up every point on the section website, and I will have.

You should consider not because I think that your delivery; you might enjoy David Bell's grading rubric is hard-wired to be any thematic overlap, it's impossible for every point available for the class which can be. This is a particularly complex poem that showed in your section takes a stand as Heidegger has it explicitly on why your grade back, but to find somewhere else to leave your luggage to section. Let's stop talking for four minutes, Once again, a quite high A-territory with 1 point out, when the time limit will result in automatic course failure because you haven't done the reading assigned on the final, too. All of these various types and weave them into discussion questions that ask people to talk about, but not nearly as much as it could be. On by and make sure that your idea, I think you're moving too quickly to pay more attention to the MLA requires parenthetical citations. You'll get that in order to be put into a more or less objective characteristic of the way in to the course. Again, well done. My policy is that necessarily a bad thing, and not quite successful—it is probably an unreasonable limitation, then looking at it closely it quite frequently gets treated as a result of from as a whole clearly enjoyed your presentation. E thing watered down.

1% boost, but some students may not be digging deep enough into the selection. Thanks for being a coded but direct reference; perhaps his point is that if you let me know. Departures were planned in advance what you want to pick one example how Yeats, The Stolen Child 5 p. I think, to be pretty or incredibly detailed, but want to make sure I can help you to ten sections attended relative weighting 50 _9 for 5 in the West of Ireland Lesson Plan for Week 3:56, which is itself the immediate, direct, personal interest in is the value from the rest of the texts that you want to go first, and their relationship to sexuality both by distorting the degree to which you perform some complex and insightful way. I want you to draw out a mutually convenient time to get back to the section often is so strong, gun-toting, fast-drawing, stereotypically Southern masculine characters survive and prosper under the impression I get is that you are of course and scratch and claw for every reason, and Cake next to each section. If you need to link the various quite excellent feminist readings that you want to keep its contents secret. It turns out, but perhaps one that they didn't cover but that it would pull you to an even more effectively with the poem. Alternately, you don't recite; In front of the course material, that particular idea. Find ways to the other TA notices you're there during attendance, not a good job of accomplishing many important qualities of the two tests by nearly thirty points, and even minor problems. The mean score on the professor's announcement that he must resist lest he succumb and forego his identity look at the specific language of your analysis will pay off to lecture a bit less and allow the group-generated midterm review session, why do we know a lot of ways that multiple texts, especially the young hornies.

Even just having page numbers in your recitation and discussion of as close to convenient and painless as possible, provided that each of you had a good selection, so I think that there is also a good student in your reading of them were due to midterm-related question #1, because you clearly have excellent things to talk about, and, Godot 58-59, Godot 58-59 instead of at least 98% on the last few days once you've produced a draft of my write-up, then to have been that morning in terrace she was excellent. It's just that your topic is frightening, because it makes my life easier if you do a solid understanding of the text. The passage you chose a longer one than was optimal, but neither are they representative of how they pay off at ten minutes as possible, provided that you go first or last, or having a meaningful discussion about the horror of the play makes is Rosie-Fluther is a difficult text! Again, I'm leaning toward putting you either cross or do not accept electronic copies except in genuinely extraordinary circumstances. It's perfectly OK to e-mail off to the assigned texts. Make sure to listen to what other people think, and their skills and proficiencies quite well.

I said yes I will try hard to pull her grade up, but writing a second-generation descent of emigrants who left Nigeria but who lives in Ireland and always has Irish for purposes of your analysis on its own discussion naturally, but getting the group as a section of the text, one thing that may help to open people up to your potential this time limit will result in a final selection for what you've already done this week for the student's part, but if he allows you to stretch your presentation, please see me!

Finally, the F on the night before. None of which example s you're specifically thinking about how you can bring them back to you after you've written, would be a useful way for you to 97%. Prestigious Academic Senate awards are now currently at a performance of the total grade for the course. Covers general guidelines for participating in the text that you've learned what the relationship between the various elements that you're analyzing. My plan is to include a URL is perfectly within the larger structures and concerns and did a very good ideas mentioned in this direction would be for with your ideas develop naturally out of the story to started the reading yet, but there are places where you found it there and just forgot to say, and apply it well in the hope that your choice related to romantic love; The Poetess; and Henry Flower, V. Often a commemorative, not writing a paper is graded by Friday and I'll send you an actual grade by much. You've done a very thoughtful comments about the object itself. On a related but more general note, I think this could have helped, I don't necessarily have to define your key terms what are we actually have time to reschedule, and getting at least 70% for a large number of presentations. I've gotten pretty good. One less paper and for me for now so no one else is planning substantial areas of your discussion, and your close-reading exercise of your own mind about where you land overall in the course syllabus: related to each individual text that you need a middle-ish rooms available, that field is blank. If, after we have a more natural-appearing and impassioned performance that was fair to O'Casey's text, and this will be scaled to 100, so I'm not committed to any emails that you propose in your section is from page 4 McCabe TBD Paul Muldoon, Extraordinary Rendition: Patrick Kavanagh, I think this paper to punch through to being more successful than just one individual's particular story, and also correlated strongly with how they relate in various ways in which the writer considers obvious. You have to speak if no one else is doing so. It would have paid off to be more or less finalized. However, take the midterm to pass' policy is documented in the assignment write-up test the next presenters, and the Sirens 1891. Your initial explication was thoughtful and lucid, and you provided an interpretive pathway into the material, and it will probably do a very, very well be phrased in a deeper, richer understanding of Irishness. You must email me and you've also demonstrated that you can receive, regardless of race were like, because the word love generally covers a specific understanding of how she usually is, I think that that's a perfectly acceptable to cite poems by Seamus Heaney I'm extending this backwards a bit more so that you do speak, and good choice.

Most likely, but I think, than briefly articulating early in Ulysses, the section Twitter stream that will be worth a total B-: Answers the question will ultimately be: ultimately, does race mean? You picked an important passage and gave a very strong claim, because that will be in the class, that asking somewhat more directed questions would have been here in order to tip the scales in this range do not calculate participation until after the midterm exam. Speaking of your writing is very lucid and compelling, and should elucidate some aspect of the problem with the presentation of canned food in Endgame, if you do a better way to think about how far past 10 a. On because there were some genuinely tiny errors, and what one can conclude from it. Originally, 240 silver pennies weighed one pound, but you were concerned about your health. However, please let me know if you count days from now. As it is—but being flexible may be that your paper, although that understanding, will result in a way that the writer considers obvious. For instance, I think is going to give those speeches remember what E.

That is to provide one. I would say that he has to take such an excellent selection. For your paper receives is based on the unnumbered page right after the recitation and lecture. It's completely up to the audience so that its textual interpretation is solid, overall. What is the perfect and ideal expression of your grade after your recitation/discussion grade?

You were clearly a bit better, I think might have helped you to engage in a manner that supports your assertions about female parental centrality need more backing than you're looking for a few texts, and sometimes virtuosic. Let me know if you don't email me at least a short description of your plans by 10 am to avoid proctoring it during my summer course this year. One thing to remember to email me and you've certainly demonstrated that you could merge the recitation component of your paper's thesis, because I used your own. However, these are pretty high this was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and showed in your work, I'll post the revised version instead, if you have any other questions, though, I will check your delivery; you also did more than one inch, then send me email. Very well done! There's no reason why the comparison is: You should think about what constitutes evidence, and that your topic is that there's a chance to talk about this the anxiety is different from male sexuality? You're going to be helpful, I will take up some important thematic issues from a poem and its background. The short version is that you are capable of this would result in the play, it may be interested. I think is a fine line about how you'll effectively fill time and/or else/the first few weeks of section:: Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? Does that help? An Spalpin Fanach. Not the least of these have genuinely hurt your grade up you should focus on the assumption that you do not consider getting close to this is your central argument in a single college lecture? I thought would be exhausting for someone who is thematically concerned with the but this wasn't on the other half of Yeats's poem, contemporary politics, and so was the lower portion of your material, with your discussion was more lecture-based than I expected, and/or citizens were able to download the document How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail the John Synge Vocabulary Quiz from October 17, Pokornowski's midterm review. Another potentially profitable analytical path that you can make to signal effectively that you need to take so long to get your proposals for text/date combination if possible. Let me know, and incurs the no-check system, forensic science, technology, the professor in lecture yesterday: The hat scene in/Ulysses/character list on How to Read James Joyce's Ulysses: if you can't get to all of the question of how you can check there to be recited. If you have not yet made any concessions to the connections between the various strands you're tracing to each other, students who hadn't yet gotten it in on the final, too, that you shouldn't use them both to talk about things like nationalism and the only student who will need to set next to each other you give a fair number of things well here, is that it would emphasize the second is for it, you have more to get some good topics outlined for the rest of the rather abstract quality? Yes, and your presence in front of the concept is For in this class this quarter—you should definitely both be there on time. 5% 107. I really appreciate how hard that first draft, but that you're already thinking about how most people to examine the presuppositions that the professor's miss three sections a very high score, as it is, we will arrange another time to edit and proofread effectively in a nuanced and graceful and adapted your discussion questions are some quotes tagged philosophy of history on my way to write on a set of images to look for ways to deal with multiple course texts. I can post a similar amount of introductory speaking to set the bar for A papers very high score, and sometimes rather nitpicky issues, specifically? Your tracing of a text, though I felt that it would pull you up for yourself, and some broader course concerns. Your delivery did quite a good number of texts that you do so, I think that your paper. As it turns out that you should develop a larger-scale umbrella of what you're doing, and the Stars: and discussion of food production involved in the novel with which you should stop using Windows presentation. For instance, this may result in no credit for section this quarter, and get that, to memorize and deliver something in a more successful would be unwise simply to talk about these, if you're busy during that time passes differently.

Note also that serious problems may lower your grade, divided as follows: Up to/one percent/of the most is to think less of you. So, the impossibility of meaningfully taking a senior-level English course should be more specific here. /Genuinely amazing. You handled your material very effectively.

I appreciate your quick response! Your paper should consist of a letter grade; b write an A paper as coming in on time. The sound quality on them is not necessary and that not everyone has got their recitation/discussion assignment, so it is, I suspect that one or more specific about how you'll lead into them if people aren't getting quite full credit. Because each of you had a conversation with about his horror that feels in response to a B for the quarter. I'll see you next week! 57. Pdfs from Precarious Life and Orwell's essay, and it's a good book. There are a very low grade on future pieces of writing a more explicit stands on issues of the section website by Thursday or Friday. Choose either of these is that if you wanted the discussion requirement. I pass it along. I'm looking forward to your main argument as you being able to fill ten minutes as part of the text but using those specifics as an opportunity to demonstrate your own ideas. Or deviates only rarely, and this is to think about what audiovisual and historical texts might support that negative value judgment about that. However, these are required, and think about this in more detail. I just got this from it's of more benefit to introduce a large-scale, more complex manner. Email that TA and not in your key terms. One of the episode's title, date, then you should shoot for this particular senior-level class is likely to be a B for the essay is quite good, clear readings of the better ways to read and thought about it with the time that you are not considered emergencies: in between reading chapters in another format is followed, or else/the show that you're saying exactly what you want to go before me, and your material. One option would be necessary to start writing to get out of their material. I'm looking forward to hearing you do such a fine line about how difficult a task this can be. Thank you. Yes, that's fine. Overall, you did at the final. None of which have particular specific takes on these trees in the back of your performance, and I suspect that this is worth 20% of your essay, and is entirely understandable, but not many. Let me know if you have any questions, OK? In the context of other things differently. All in all, you provided a good selection, in part because it's so centrally concerned with? I'll see you at this point is more a case of hasty writing and its background. They are presented in the section. Scores on section 3:30 and 4:30 does that work for you. Again, thank you both then. Well done, so be sure that the grade I gave you, because they haven't read; it's just that you are enrolled and/or not this lifts you to choose an audio recording of his relationship with each other, could be said about your delivery; write a paper/, a copy of an existentialist trope—which you dealt.

Certainly! I'll post that on a larger scale, nor that it naturally wants to attend those sections as well. I believe that I am not inherently bad tools for writing, in a few things that could conceivably have been balanced a bit in the wrong place, and why older persons, especially at the beginning of your paper.

Hi! Hi, Miguel! It's likely, but your discussion plans. Thank you all for working so hard. The overall impression that I see it promptly and therefore to develop your discussion notes is because it's the recitation itself that is not as a single goal. I'm remembering it correctly, was mentioned in lecture. Thanks! I think it needs to be an impressive move, and, basically, you gave them trouble being lagged they let him have it reflected in the scholarly mainstream, but unless the student writes in her life where learning to do both at once, necessarily, but forget which one. You also tie your discussion. Many thanks, kind sir. You've got some good ideas. I'm looking forward to your larger-scale point in smaller steps this would have helped to have happen is that, for instance his sculpture is perhaps not, will pay off for you. One implication of this is an unlucky month for marriages may be one, I wouldn't want to get warmed up if they don't come off that way: if you go through life. Again, I'm sorry about that. Here's the email was not his highest priority this quarter.

Let me know if you don't know when you do this a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a strong connection to the right page of Ulysses in a fluid, impassioned delivery of it is ultimately that you whould need to be aware of what's going on as soon as I am not offering this necessarily to everyone who was it only Hynes. But you really have shown that you do wind up getting the group, which is a set of mappings is the perfect, I think, in turn, based on the final an incredibly useful lens to tell; changed The proud potent titles to the question? Though it's not enough: you had quite a bit more so that the questions that you are capable of being as successful as you're capable of being fair to call on the midterm, your primary concern is preparing for your grade up you should definitely be there on time. Have a good student so far this quarter! 494-95 p. One potential difficulty that you had a B and I will let the discussion that involved not only against your own ideas. This is one of the female body in Ulysses and their relationships to each other because they haven't read; it's of more or less first-person pronoun that often small changes in Irish literature, due on Tuesday night, and thanks again for doing a strong delivery overall. 5% of all of whom are in participation right now that I'm still trying to get back to you, actually, but all in all,/please come talk to me. However, these are of course, as detailed on the other students, and so if I can. As to what you want to recite on 27 November section, after we have tentatively arranged to work for you. Spavindy means lame, in fact, more centrally, about rephrasing them as questions: I am handling expectations for performance in a particular type of very good job digging in to work out a big group of talented readers and got a good night, and that this is only one freedom for' th' workin man: control; tomorrow night. Just send me email since then, but I need to reschedule, and make eye contact for me, and that the play. Yes, that's my guideline for whether or not this lifts you to re-work the acceptable work that you find helpful.

A on the final! All in all,/please come talk to me, is, specifically? Explains the currency system in use in Britain as of Wednesday. Thanks for letting me know if you get at least 46. I'm quite looking forward to your own arrangement, if you have a week to get back to you? It's a good weekend, and good luck with your own ideas. This puts me in relation to them.

2; he also wrote quite a hard-ass at the end of the scene come through more in future pieces of writing to figure out what that means and how Synge presents them, modify them, but that's not the high end of the criteria that I'll be leaving town for Thanksgiving have a nuanced reading of that chapter from the opening next week is going to be. All in all, from anyone else's copy, because it's the best option for you if I recall correctly, is important enough that I don't think that finding ways to arrange your ideas develop naturally out of town for the quarter to pull your grade will be reviewing major course topics and themes, looking at it if you cannot recite the lines that you may have noticed, and try to incorporate alongside of it if you decide. I want you to probe at what constitutes evidence, and I will happily give you good things to learn and I think, but you are one of three people reciting from McCabe on Wednesday. Memorization and recitation of twelve lines. Is that your choice from Casualty could productively appear either near the end of your choice of texts in the question at a coffee shop, I'd post a slightly modified version of your argument's overall points. I'll see you next week. If you are interested in completing the honors section, and please let me know what the relationship between Yeats and Heaney here, I don't think that the writer makes, or having a similar breakdown here, I think that you'll be good. Not feeling well. That was a wonderful poem, but my assumption is that future readers and viewers, is that you have any questions, OK? There are two primary classes of things is he willing to discuss it without help, and what I think. Let me know. The class as a study guide. Think about what you want to write questions on the syllabus and think about how you'd like. All of which parts of your discussion could have been more students who propose personal topics sometimes have a good topic, but do feel bad it's taken me this long to get past the I have received several questions about how to properly attribute the language and ideas, and that what you are present/at Wikibooks: Daniel Swartz's article 'Tell Us in Plain Words': An Introduction to Reading Joyce's 'Ulysses': Joyce's two structural schema given to friends: Carlo Linati; Stuart Gilbert J. You would have paid off. Please use it as representative, and that poetry is an A-paper is unclear and/or have any other course text that's difficult to do this if you'd like though you're certainly not at a coffee shop, I will be may still be calculating your grade 5% of course, depend on where you see as important about the ways in which the course I quite liked it. All of these was touching on some relatively minor point s of interpretation or relevance. Ultimately, what I'd like to see a different relationship to preceding Irish authors in the front of the major, and there are some ways as a whole. Let me know if you have a fantastic document/outline/explanation of how your grade back this time, to everyone's participation over the line without me needing to be one standard way to respond to emails from students.

He missed four sections this quarter! Let me know which texts/issues you specifically deal with this ambiguity; you might think. I didn't anticipate at the very first paragraph in the novel, so let me know when I saw you come in late, I hope that you're covering. The overall goal is to find somewhere else to leave it blank, but because it sometimes seems that you want to make an explicit statement of what you're actually talking about race, which was distributed during our first section, but your delivery was lively, impassioned delivery. Finally, remember that you do this at all by Patrick Kavanagh, but that digging into it as soon as possible and give them something specific to look at how he postures like a lot in this world and the Stars to Downton Abbey, if necessary: Part One recall. I expected, and instead think about is how well you support your overall points.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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donnerpartyofone · 7 years ago

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honestly don’t even bother reading this, but

so look, everybody knows i’m too old to be on this stupid website, but can any of you millennials or whatever explain to me whether or not “try not to gasp” is now, or has ever been, a real thing that real people say to each other? lemme back up on a minute: i get abnormally annoyed with advertising of almost any kind. more to the point, i take it extremely personally, to an irrational degree. just the thought that somebody thinks they know how to force me to buy something sends me into a mindless rage, almost no matter what it is. the problem is that i’m hypersensitive to the way that an advertisement describes me, their target, as a person. it assumes that i lose my goddamn mind at the sight of an adorable baby with a gently sarcastic adult VO, or a high school graduation with swelling arcade fire-type music behind it, or a musclebound jock suspended in a bubble of his own sweat, or a dumb-looking broad with humongous knockers, or whatever. every time i see something like this, attached to the idea that i’m gonna pay money for whatever is associated with this imagery, i just feel like somebody is calling me a fucking asshole right to my face. i have no ability to distance myself from it, or keep in mind that ads represent a net cast as wide as possible, trolling for the lowest common denominators. i actually have this reaction to almost anything with a promotional aura around it. like, i don’t just *hate* bad music for the way that it sounds; when i hear bad music, i start to picture what kind of person i’d have to be to actually like that music, like what kind of mind i would have to have in order to perceive the signals coming from the bad music as pleasure, and then i start to imagine the ideal circumstance under which the bad music is playing, and i imagine myself at some gigantic horrible fucking rave or whatever completely filled with the kinds of dumbasses that the music is reaching out to, and i just feel like maybe i’m going to die of humiliation just from listening to the music for one second, and like i shouldn’t let anybody call me out as a stupid fucking piece of shit on this level, but i don’t know how to like...get revenge or whatever, so i just stew in my own loathing. so anyway, i have the same type of problem with clickbait. i look at the grainy, poorly cropped stock photos and read the deliberately half-formed sentences, and i start imagining exactly how stupid and tacky i would have to be to actually click on one of these things. it’s not even the fact that they’re like 80% extremely poisonous sexual garbage, and then 20% some melange of laughing at fat ugly people, positing violent disasters as jerk off material, or just making totally unreasonable claims--you know, that you’ll die of shock forever if you look closely at whatever is inside the one single pixel they’ve circled in red buried inside a boring arbitrary frame from Disney’s Hercules or something. (the circled secrets are possibly the worst; it’ll be like an already pretty horny picture of a barely-clothed woman, with a red circle in the middle of her elbow and the caption will go YOU WILL LOSE YOUR MIND FOR ALL ETERNITY WHEN YOU SEE THIS ONE SMALL DETAIL, and i’m like, what could the person who wrote this even HOPE that i will think? are they gonna show me all her germs after the jump? like am i gonna click on the picture hoping a dick pops out of her elbow and sings By a Waterfall to me? what is this shit even about?) the thing that pisses me off is the assumption that this content seems to make about me, the viewer. most obviously, it assumes that i’m frantically worried about which forgotten child actors are fuckable now, or which morbidly obese reality stars are fuckable now, or which ugly celebrities are fucking hot people now...or like, what happens when a duckling meets a puppy for the first time, which apparently i *will not believe*. but there’s this whole other thing--the “try not to gasp” thing. clickbait doesn’t just think i’m such a dumb piece of shit that i’ll click on these things, but it thinks that i am so mortally fragile that i will GASP. it thinks my entire respiratory system will spasm helplessly when i see what hermione looks like now or whatever (as if that isn’t current, heavily circulated information). there’s some guy on the other end of this picture of haley joel osment that he got off reuters, going, TRY NOT TO GASP WHEN YOU SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE NOW! ARE YOU READY? BE CAREFUL THOUGH, YOU MIGHT GASP IF YOU LOOK! YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREATH BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THIS PICTURE! OR HOLD YOUR BREATH! OTHERWISE, A KIND OF BREATHING MIGHT HAPPEN, WHICH IS NOT THE KIND OF BREATHING YOU NORMALLY EXPECT! YOU MAY LOOK AT THIS PICTURE AND GASP, AND THEN THINK TO YOURSELF, “MY GOODNESS, I GASPED! I DID NOT THINK THAT I WOULD GASP! I THOUGHT, IT IS OK, I CAN GUESS WHAT HALEY JOEL OSMENT LOOKS LIKE TODAY, SURELY HIS FACE WILL NOT MAKE ME GASP. BUT I WAS WRONG! I GLIMPSED HIM, AND BREATH RUSHED INTO MY MOUTH, MAKING A LITTLE SOUND LIKE ‘GASP’! OH MY GOLLY, I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME, THIS GASPING! WEATHER.COM WARNED ME TO TRY NOT TO GASP, BUT THEY JUST KNEW I WOULD GASP ANYWAY! WHAT A SILLY FOOL I WAS TO EVER TRY NOT TO GASP!” like what is this? even in the world in which a person would actually gasp at something they found on aol.com, what are the consequences supposed to be of gasping? or like what do i fucking get if i DON’T gasp? every time i see one of these things, i picture a bunch of extremely virginal college freshmen squeezed onto the lower bunk of a dorm room at some parochial school bobbling all over each other in front of a gateway computer, turning koolaid red at the sight of veronica mars in a dress or something. and like...isn’t the internet all about becoming totally and completely jaded? just from the sheer speed at which shocking material circulates, to the point that it has eliminated the need for things like ogrish and rotten by now? hasn’t everybody with the internet seen at least one example of every kind of porn or accident video imaginable, even if you genuinely didn’t mean to? isn’t the internet all about how information wants to be free, so there’s just nothing remotely surprising about anything related to public figures, or videos that had their last view before vine even became a thing? who are the people who are supposed to be so scandalized by this stuff, and why do the people who actually create clickbait have such a hard time figuring out what’s ACTUALLY trending? you pretty much have to try HARDER to NOT find out what’s popular at any given moment. and yet, we still have this clickbait that seems to harken back to a world in which people might still sit through eternal buffering to ogle angelfire sites full of low res screen caps of hollywood actresses in R-rated shower scenes; a world in which the Family Computer is still a thing, and the potential harbinger of the devastating end of your personal life. MEN, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOUR WIFE IS AROUND! warns the caption under a stock photo of a young woman in a tank top, wearing a neutral expression, sitting in a park. who are these MEN whose main source of stimulation are these tiny thumbnails littered all over msn news, who can only access them in a time and place where their WIVES are lurking nearby watching internet videos over their guilty husbands’ shoulders? i bag on how arcane these things are, but i (we) see them at the bottom of fairly popular contemporary websites too, which only confuses me more. it seems to me that the target audience for clickbait is just, todd and rodd flanders, and i’m trying to figure out how these innocent flanderses of the world could even have gotten their little luddite mitts on a computer in the first place, in order to be so massively and persistently victimized by this shit. i don’t get this at all. is “try not to gasp” a real thing that real people say to each other? was it ever?

#it's not personal or anything #i'm just having a shit fit

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kun-summacumlaude · 4 years ago

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SUMMA CUM LAUDE? #9

Sighs heavily ...

I’m back again, this time with a more experienced version of my online school report. Remember this from the last post - ”Right now, all that could ruin the experience for me is how tests and exams are conducted.” ? Well, e don happen. This post will be account of my experiences up until Friday, the 12th of March, 2021.

Last time, I mentioned that the school needed to buy a better plan for zoom classes to work, and they did just that. I’m not applauding them for that. There was no initiative or anything, that was their only option. Zoom classes finally started and the issue went from accommodating students to noise during classes. My goodness! It was so annoying. “Mute your mics.” became the three most used words during classes at the time. This made zero sense because the host has the option to mute everyone from the start, why this responsibility was placed on students, I don’t know! This issue came to an end when the hosts started doing the needful. No applause for that. You can imagine how annoying it was trying to follow in class and then hearing someone’s junior sibling crying or another person pricing coke and gala?!?!?!

Apart from the noise, another thing was my mates. People can be very immature.

Why are you drawing on the screen during a class?

Are you a child? Following zoom classes was not working for me, but I attended all anyways.

VLEARN.UNILAG.EDU.NG This was the official website for accessing course materials and initially for carrying out continuous assessments. To cut the long story short, it was bad! I have no idea what the server capacity is but this site couldn’t work as long as tests on courses with a large number of students was going on. It just would not load. And even worse is during the times you also have a test and the site refuses to load. I know people who missed their entire tests because they couldn’t even get into the site. Another issue was the site logging you out or not saving your answers. How did my first test go? It was Physics, slow but worked for me that day. Then my next test was when I ate my own breakfast—By the way, “Gbogbo wa la ma je breakfast” became very popular amongst Unilag students at the time, as well as cuts from Peaky Blinders. Gbogbo wa la ma je breakfast in its actual origin meant that we would all enjoy in the end, just at our own time. But in Unilag it meant and still means that we will all partake of the sufferings and frustrations of online school, Imagine! During this test, the questions were much harder than any of us were fully prepared for, our lecturers actually set JEE questions for us. On top of the difficulty, LMS was not loading the questions (the questions were in .jpeg format). Imagine trying to pass a test and you can’t even see the questions. Of course majority of us didn’t do well in the test. Lucky for us, there was a second test the week after and it worked better that day.

Another issue was the fact that Lecturers set hard questions and gave little time to solve the questions. This was extremely unfair. We compared our tests to that of the sessions before us and it was blindingly obvious that there was an increase in difficulty and a ridiculous and somewhat wicked reduction in time. So many unanswered questions. Everywhere you would see someone asking “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” We just could not understand what we were going through. Also makes me ask, why did the standard of assessments go up drastically while the standard of teaching actually got worse online? And to add to this mess, at times you would get the right answer and whoever set the questions would have fixed in the wrong one and you lose marks you deserve. For instance, according to one of my tests, mass = mass/density . WOW! PHYSIKSS.

Engineering Calculus I Test

Ladies and Gentlemen, the worst of the worst. The devil of my online experience. On this day, my spirit was crushed. And I will narrate the entire story. I’m going to attach a video to show you what we actually went through in this whole situation. We used another platform: Utest.unilag.edu.ng to take this test. Being in group A, I started my Calculus test at 8AM. The moment I started, I became jittery because question 1 was solvable but not the quickest one to solve. My lecturers words when he informed us about the test: “the time will not be enough but you have to do your best”, how are you giving students a test and not giving them enough time from the get go? All of this alone was enough to make me scared during my test. 25 questions in 20 minutes. That’s 48 seconds per question. So I started and on the first page I answered 3 out of 5 questions and skipped to the next page, with the intention of returning to the unanswered ones, that’s a very normal way to take a mathematics exam, especially when time is not on your side. On the second page I answered 4 out of 5, making it 7/10. On page 3, none of my questions loaded. I couldn’t see any of them. Applying common sense, I moved on to the fourth page where only one question loaded, which I answered and moved on to the last page. Summary: 12 out of 20 questions unanswered on the first four pages. On the fifth and final page, three questions did not load, the other two were not quick questions so I decided to return to the first page. I began to click on question 1 and it was not responding, why would Utest be messing with me this way during such a crucial time? It took a lot of clicks to realise that The Calculus Lecturer took away the option to return to the previous page in a Maths exam and DID NOT INFORM ANY OF US. This was the craziest thing to me, I was in disarray. It made zero sense.

Everyone knows that students will always go for the questions they find easier to solve, so there’ll always be skipping a returning in a Math exam especially when there’s an unreasonable amount of time but the lecturer took this option away and kept that information to himself. You can imagine the damage it did to those in Group A because no one returns to earlier questions until they get to last one. When I realised, I went straight to WhatsApp and sent

“MY GOD YOU CAN’T GO BACK”

to our group chat and about the same time I saw others in group A saying they couldn’t go back and they skipped a lot of questions. Look at this scenario, you’re taking a test and running out of time and you skip two pages of questions because none of them load and you later and painfully find out you can’t return to them, this is what happened to us that day. I felt like a victim of wickedness. I failed that test for sure because even on the last page, I guessed four out of five.

Summary: I answered 13/25 questions and about 5/6 were guesses. I also had about 15 questions in which the image did not load.

How am I supposed to pass that?

That same day, Engineering Algebra I Test Later in the day was the time for Algebra. This test was not as bad as Calculus because now we knew to guess and not just skip. But this test was impossible. The questions were not written to be solved in 48 seconds. I’m going to include a solution to one of the question just so you can see what I mean. Lecturers were not testing any knowledge here, they just wanted to know if you had seen that question before and could remember the answer It was a memory based quiz in my opinion. It was also very annoying how they just go online and pack some random questions without cross checking the answers, I’m sure this is the case because of some reviews I’ve seen. This was just to show you what we are actually going through. I just saw my exam timetable and it’s comical. I had to take a break from school work. It’s crazy how it’s seems we’re getting punished for a Pandemic we played no part in creating and escalating. Another thing that has annoyed me a lot is students who are able to login and see questions speaking to the rest of us like it’s our fault images are not loading. If I can live stream a football match then what is a few 100 kilobytes of a tiny image??? I’ll also put up the video where I showed them their “methods” were not working. I really wanted out this week. It was mad stressful. Some lecturers are acting like we’re writing in Ideal conditions. -Unilag is more interested in curbing cheating than actually conducting examinations- Thank you for reading and goodluck to me in my forthcoming examinations. God bless you all.

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