#hyperlinks are fucked up idk

[strangledplanet]

i thought of more idk how i could forget

@coolpixdump @forgivenessflowers @alyssuum @aiden-morse @maxphotoarchive @dirawong @royalsyrup @gestaltaggregation @s0larize @camcorderghosts @serinsola @adelaiiu @hellhoundlily @puddskullman @frachive @gonzophotography @coolbugpics @420000flix @02vin @coldlaugh

any blogs you recommend that post photography similar to your own? much love <3

i know a couple :)

@interdimentional @brokenightlight @babynailz @tearsandtheteeth @bodyigrewupwith @serriform @butchyy @chansondereste @scandentii @netcam @pinkblanc

there is much more but i am blanking im sorry to anyone i forgot..

i need more to follow let me know all of ur photography blogs...

[coridallasmultipass]

brocal for the ship bingo?

The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)

Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.

Read More to save ppl's dashboards:

I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore

((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))

Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.

Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.

EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:

"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"

Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))

They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.

Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]

I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.

Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?

Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)

They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.

'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i

To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.

So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)

Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]

Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who

Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.

Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))

Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.

The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]

Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?

Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.

Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.

Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.

[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]

Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.

One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part four

authors note: the love and response to this story continues to absolutely floor me. you guys are all so sweet! i was nervous about posting, but everyone has made me feel so happy that i did, so thank you!

couple of hints about things sprinkled through this one. the more i write, the more things are getting fleshed out, so idk how many parts this will be atp, nothing too crazy though!!!

also, some tags don't seem to work for some reason, like when i type it, the hyperlink doesn't appear so super sorry to those impacted by that!!!

warnings: angst, fluff, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

word count: 5.8k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion @shayaaaaaaa @usoholic @brokenglassslippers @gators-aid @dersha89 @southerngirl41 @empressdede

You couldn't eat. 

Couldn't sleep.

Could barely think straight.

All that consumed you, ate at you, gnawed at your sanity was one thought and one thought alone.

He wanted to take her from you. 

Joe wanted to take your daughter from you, your four year old daughter who still couldn't even go to sleep at night unless she got to see or speak to you.

The daughter who he'd only known existed just recently but was seemingly set on ripping away from you.

That thought destroyed you, made you raw from blistering agony at just the idea of not having Callie with you full time. It destroyed you to the point that you decided to throw some clothes on, hop in your car, and set your google maps for the hotel you knew he’d be staying at. Damn the fact that it was the middle of the night or that you were stupid as hell for being in that situation in the first place. None of that mattered. 

You needed to talk to him, and you needed to talk to him now. 

Joe opens the door with a forceful swing, looking as irritated and disheveled as you’d expect one to look at nearly 1am in the morning. However, when his eyes land on you, confusion meshes with irritation. “Y/N?”

“Hi.” It’s said in a breathy tone. You're struggling to remember the script you rehearsed the whole drive there. “I’m sorry. I know it’s late—”

“What the..….” He sighs heavily and steps aside, motioning for you to come in. “Get in here.”

You don’t need to be told twice, looking around the hotel room that looks so plain and undeserving of someone with Joe’s stature. But, you also know this area isn’t exactly saturated with 5 star hotels, far from it. This is probably the most elite one he could find with such short notice, and it’s not bad at all, just….basic.

He clears his throat, and you return your attention to the man who you just realized is also shirtless. If not for the pending mental breakdown you’re fighting to keep at bay, it would be extremely distracting. Joe is a lot of things, and fine as hell is at the top of that list.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” He sounds exhausted, and you can’t tell if it’s from the argument earlier that day or being woken up in the middle of the night. Probably both. 

“I just—I need to talk to you.”

“Now?” 

Nodding, you continue. “I know….I know I messed up, okay? I should have told you, but I just—I need you to look at it from my perspective. I need you to just hear me out, and if—if you still feel the same way, then–then I’ll have to deal with that….but please.” 

He’s leaning back against the dresser, arms crossed, taking time to answer as he weighs your offer. Finally, he concedes, “you came all the way over here. I’m not just gonna send you away.”

You’re thankful for him being willing to at least hear some of what you have to say. “Callie.....she was conceived the last time we were together.” Not sure if that part was necessary or the best way to start out, you quickly move on to the next point. “I didn’t find out I was pregnant until two months later. And on top of not knowing what the fuck to feel, I barely knew what to do. I was pregnant by a married man that I’d been sleeping with for three years. A married, famous man at that. Who I finally decided I needed to move on from.” 

Revisiting this is harder than you expected, harder than when you rehearsed it on your drive here. “I was scared, Joe, okay? I was scared, so I—I did what I thought was best at that time, and clearly it was wrong. I 100% own up to that, and you get to be angry with me, but you don’t get to let that anger influence your decision making, because it is.” 

This is the part you debated so deeply on whether to say or not say, to potentially poke the already irate bear. But, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t speak up for yourself and your daughter. “You want a legal custody arrangement, and I understand why, but—Joe, your name isn’t even on her birth certificate, but to tell you the truth…..I wanted it to be. I did.” Whether he believes you or not is on him, but it’s true. Because while he wasn't present in her life, he was still her father. Nothing would change that. “They wouldn’t do it without you present and without a paternity test—”

“I could have been there,” he interrupts, sounding more hurt than anything. “I should have been there.” 

“You’re right, but you weren’t, and I’m sorry for that too. I’m not trying to make any excuses here, just lay out facts. And the fact is that you can get a paternity test, you can establish paternity, and you can try to secure joint custody, but we both know there’s no way you can take her on. You work nonstop, Joe, and she can’t be on the road like that. She’s four for fucks sake. Calista needs stability, and she has that with me. You know I’m right.”

And you can see that he sees you’re right, the wheels turning in his head as he takes in your sound predictions.

“And I know you don’t right now, and that’s okay, but I am asking you to please trust me enough to know that I will not get in the way of you getting to know Calista. Trust that I only want what’s best for her, I’ve only ever wanted what was best for her.”

“Why should I?” Despite his words, you can see and hear the crumbling of his defenses, of the brick and mortar wall he'd erected earlier during the first round of this conversation. “What’s different now?”

“Because she asked about you.” This is the part that crushes you the most, that makes you wonder if you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself for even putting her in that situation. “Because she thinks you’re not in her life because she’s not a good girl, and I will not have my child grow up thinking she wasn’t good enough for her father to want to be in her life.”

You won’t let her grow up like you.

Period.

Having this discussion, saying these things aloud, you’re slowly starting to recognize how some of your own unaddressed issues have contributed to this situation. How your refusal to confront buried trauma has bled into another generation. It’s…..uncomfortable, to say the least.

And something you definitely need to revisit, probably sooner rather than later. Just…not right now. 

You’ve got to sort this through first.

It’s after a few minutes of silence that he finally speaks, voice surprisingly calm. “You’re right.” You let out a deep breath, nearly falling back at his words. You knew he was wavering but not to the point where he would yield. “I know….I know our situation is complicated, and I’m sorry for being so cold with you. I just—fuck, I don’t know how to process all of this.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “Neither do I, but we can figure it out, because we can’t…..we can’t put her through a custody battle. I won’t do that.” Despite your very valid facts, you also recognize that while he probably wouldn’t win, he has access to the best legal team money can buy and would outlast you in court by miles. 

You won’t say it aloud, not even sure if you can, but you’d soon rather concede than put her through that. You’d give him whatever he asked for if it meant sparing her from that trauma. 

It’s a far cry from your stance hours earlier, but time and actually thinking things through made you realize the pain you’d experience at having Callie taken from you would be nothing compared to what that experience would do to her. You know custody disputes can be long and nasty, and though she was still young, you didn’t want to find out if they would question her. 

You’d sacrifice your soul and surrender. 

You loved her enough to let her go.

“You’re right.” He repeats himself, even and calm. It’s such a stark difference for both of you compared to the blowup from earlier. There’s actual communication occurring, talking with each other, instead of at each other. Listening to hear, not to react. “I—I couldn’t do that to you. I spoke out of anger. My schedule is crazy and she needs stability. You give her that.”

There’s an insurmountable amount of relief that washes over you at his words. It’s night and day from the angry—though rightfully—man that stood before you earlier today. And you couldn’t be more grateful. 

“Thank you.” There aren’t enough words to adequately express the depth of your gratitude. Joe is well within his right to be upset, and like you said, you’ll take whatever that is, so long as the both of you can agree that Callie being with you is for the best. For her, but for you too. You won’t deny that. Your daughter is your life, and the thought of being without her, even for a period of time makes you sick to your stomach. “I–” You wipe your eyes, completely unaware that you’d been crying at one point, the tears starting to dry up. “I’m taking off work tomorrow and keeping her home. You…you can come over once I pick her up from Mariah's."

His eyes light up with appreciation that matches your own for his willingness to look past his feelings to do what’s best for your child. “Yeah?”

You offer a small smile. “I’ll probably get her around 10 and text you when you can head over.”

He nods, and the excitement in his expression warms you. It’s so strange how you can go through so many emotions in such a short time regarding the man in front of you. He always has been able to evoke things out of you that no one else could.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

The way he takes you in, assessing you, it makes you shift your weight from one foot to another. Your hoodie suddenly feels too heavy, warmth climbing up to your cheeks. “I—” You gesture to the door with your thumb. “I should head out.” 

It’s when you turn to leave that he grabs your wrist to stop you. 

“Where are you going?”

Your brow lifts at his tone and words, confused by the quick change and his hand on your arm. “Umm, home?” 

“Like hell you are.” His dismissal is firm and final as he informs, “you'll crash here tonight.” Your face must be painted in defiance, because he explains, “it's almost 2 in the morning, and you look exhausted. I'm not letting you get on the road. Anything could happen.”

“Joe—”

He lifts his hand, silencing you as he points to the middle of the room. “You can take the bed. It's uncomfortable anyway.”

Ironically, a small yawn escapes, further proving his point. You are exhausted, in several different ways. The idea of driving back home right now is not nearly as appealing as sleeping off the day's events. “Okay.” Remembering his comment, you add, “you could have picked one of those fancy hotels ya'll stay in, you know.”

“I don't think there's anything ‘fancy’ within 30 miles of here.” He's not entirely wrong, the town's local steakhouse is considered the definition of fine dining and hotspot for special occasions. 

“There were once rumors of a Hilton being built.”

He looks almost hopeful. “When was that?”

You bite down on your lip. “When I was in middle school.” A small laugh escapes at his look of exasperation. 

“You should take the bed. It's gotta be more comfortable than the alternative.” Truly, because the idea of Joe's big ass trying to sleep on a damn fold out sofa is both hilarious and tragic. “I just need a shirt.”

He looks at you. “A shirt?”

“Yeah.”

“Because…..”

Rolling your eyes, you tug at your old college hoodie. “I can't sleep in this. It's uncomfortable as hell. I dress light at night. You know—” And you stop yourself, because he shouldn’t remember that you always sleep in either a big shirt or thin top and shorts, never more, oftentimes nothing at all when he was in town.

For obvious reasons.

You’re grateful when he turns away and digs through his bag, probably the only one he took with him. He always traveled lightly. He comes back, reaching you one of his black t-shirts. 

“Thanks.” Accepting the item, you walk over to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. Standing in the mirror, you take in your appearance. Joe was being nice by saying you look exhausted, cause you look like shit, every bit of the days events, loud and blaring. Blowing out a breath, you start removing your clothes but pause when you go to remove your bra.

Is that….is that too much? You haven’t slept in a bra in years. Not since puberty randomly hit you over the summer between freshman and sophomore year, where you went from a modest A cup to a whopping D. And post Callie body definitely wasn’t a D anymore. It just seems….it seems indecorous. 

Deciding to go with safe instead of sorry, you swallow your discomfort and keep your bra on. With the hair tie on your wrist, you do your best to pineapple your hair, knowing good and well it’ll be frizzfest when you wake up but not really caring. 

Another yawn leaves your mouth as you walk out the bathroom only to turn into a scowl as you find Joe sitting on the sofa on his phone.

If it wasn’t so late and you weren’t so tired, you’d argue with him why it’s stupid of you to take the bed. He’s at least a foot taller than you. But, you don’t have it in you so just mutter “stubborn asshole,” place your folded clothes on the dresser, and climb into the bed. 

You double check your alarm is still set for the right time and lean across the bed to place it on the nightstand. There’s a comfortable silence between the two of you for a couple of minutes, your eyes closing as you try to sleep, even if for a couple of hours before you have to get back on the road. 

“What is she like?”

Your eyes open at his question, unexpected but understood. You think about it, wondering how to answer, how to explain all of the wonderful things that is your child. Finally, you settle on an answer, soft and honest. 

“You'll find out for yourself tomorrow.” And turning on your side, you murmur, “goodnight, Joe.”

He doesn’t say anything after that.

But while you sleep with the hope of believing that this can be worked out between the two of you, Joe lies awake, taking his turn with mind running a mile a minute.

He knew this would be difficult, knew it was going to get ugly to some extent, but what he didn’t expect was how impacted he'd be by seeing you again.

There was a stark difference between seeing you in photos and seeing you in person. His anger at the situation helped him to not react as strongly, but not as much as he liked or needed it to.

Because regardless of all his outrage, he’d missed you.

Even with your deception, with your deceit and all of his confusing emotions toward you in this whole situation, he missed you. 

Joe might not be ready to admit it aloud, but he’s never gotten over you. And not for lack of trying. He’d had a period where he tried to fuck away his feelings, tried to busy himself in between the legs of other women, his favorite distraction when he was in his twenties. Tried to remind himself that it was never meant to turn into anything anyway, that it wasn’t a big deal. But his efforts were fruitless and a waste of time.

He cared about you, he cared about you, arguably, more than he’d ever cared about a woman. Even….even Jadah.

The night you ended things was still a sore spot for him, still something he plays over in his head trying to make sense of. On the surface level, it’s pretty plain and simple. You wanted more, he couldn’t give it to you, so you moved on. 1+1. He was legally married for fucks sake. He couldn’t blame you for wanting more, but there was also a part of him that wondered why you didn’t just ask him for more.

Then again, that went both ways. Why didn’t he ask you for more?

It’s easy to say it was because of Jadah, because of his marriage, and that was both true and untrue. On his part, anyway. Divorce was easy in name but far from it in every other area. And for him, meant being forced to confront demons he tried his best to keep at bay. Up until two months ago, at least

Joe closes his eyes. This is all too much. 

He came here ready to confront you, and he had, in fucked up way, even if partially deserved. He came here to meet his daughter, to begin to form a bond with her, and he will do that. He just has to push the complicated feelings for you to the side and place them on the backburner until he can sort through that mess.

Calista is his priority right now. Whatever this is between you and him can be figured out later.

Hopefully. 

________

“She can be shy until she gets to know you.”

The day seems to have escaped you, getting on the road early in the morning to drive back and prepare to pick up Callie. She’s thrilled to see you, and vice versa. The two of you spend the beginning of the morning together, stopping at a local diner to share a breakfast before heading back to your apartment. You spend a little more time together, one on one, before texting Joe to head over, staying true to your word. 

Especially since he informed you that he had to fly out tomorrow morning. You expected as such, knowing he’d probably already been gone longer than higher ups liked. He could only push the limits so much. 

You don’t even have to be looking at him to know he’s nervous, an understandable but strange thing. Weird almost. Joe’s a lot of things, but nervous has never been one of them. “But once she gets comfortable, she won’t shut up.” That makes him smile, and you’re grateful for that.  Sure enough, you find Callie in her playroom, which used to be your office space, but the more spoiled she became from your mom, the more you realized her room was too small for all of her stuff. “Hey, Callie Bear.”

Callie looks up, smile bright as she runs over to you. You lean down to meet her hug. She gives the best, loving hugs. “I’m making you something, mommy.”

You gasp. “You are? Well, I can’t wait to see it.”

“It’s a surprise, so no peeking!” She lifts her little finger, wagging it in your face. Laughing, you nod and push back some of her curls. Callie’s eyes then land on Joe’s massive frame standing near the doorway, silently observing. You can see the emotions so clearly on his face: surprise, shock, happiness.

Callie’s smile dims as she moves closer to you, holding you close, her stranger danger kicking in. A small part of you is grateful that even at almost five, she knows to be cautious. Then there’s the other part of you that’s saddened at the fact that the “stranger” she’s cautious of is her own father. “Baby, this is….this is….”

“I’m Joe,” he finishes for you, and you’re both grateful and annoyed. Conflicted because a small part of you wanted to be the one to tell her, but also grateful he ironically took that responsibility off of you. “I’m an old friend of your mom’s.”

Welp.

That’s not….that’s not what you expected him to say, not what you two discussed. It wasn’t explicitly stated, but you were under the impression that they would tell her the truth. His statement isn’t exactly a lie, you did once consider Joe to be a friend, much more than that, but still. Joe’s role in Callie’s life is significantly more than that. 

This seems to ebb away some of Callie’s caution as she asks, “really?” Her eyes fall on you, almost looking for approval. With a tight smile, you nod, giving her the relief she needs to loosen her hold on you. “Do you like Disney?” That causes you to genuinely laugh, something your sweet child definitely inherited from both you and your mom was a love of Disney. 

“I do,” he answers, and you pause. Does he really? Perhaps. Regardless, it’s a smart answer for your Disney loving child. “Do you?”

Callie nods happily, grabbing your arm and twisting it to show the ‘remember who you are’ tattoo on your wrist. “Mommy and grandma have Disney tattoos, and mommy’s gonna get a Moana one for me!”

“Really?” Joe, now crouched down to be at her eye level, sounds genuinely interested, and maybe he is. Callie is impressively charismatic at only four. She’s also his daughter who he’s wanting to develop a relationship with, so it’s not far-fetched that she could be talking to him about the rate at which grass grows, and he would entertain it like he was watching a 49ers game. “You like Moana?”

Is water wet? “She’s the bestest! Right, mommy?” 

You chuckle, fixing her shirt. “She watches it almost every day.” You always found it interesting, ironic even, that your daughter instantly gravitated to Moana, unaware that the voice of freaking Maui is her cousin, that she too had pacific islander ancestry. Through her dad. The dad you kept from her. 

“You know I don’t know if I’ve seen that one—”

Callie’s mouth drops open as she looks at you, “mommy, can we watch it? Please? Please? Pleeeeaaassseeee?”

“Okay, okay, okay,” you relent after pretending to think about it. You like to limit her screentime to two hours, and even though she already watched The Princess and the Frog earlier for the 97th time this month, there was no way you were not gonna allow this bonding opportunity. 

Squealing, Callie surprises you by breaking away and moving over to Joe, reaching for his hand. “Let’s go, Joe!” She pulls on the sleeve of his hoodie, probably to lead him into the living room where Disney Plus is signed in. 

Alone in her playroom, you run over what just happened. You thought you would tell her the truth, tell her that this is the father she was asking about, the one she thought didn’t want her when in actuality, he wanted to know everything there was to know about her.

And for a second, you get pissed off. Why wasn’t Joe honest with her? Isn’t this what he wanted? To be in her life. It’s confusing. He is confusing. But….you try to give him the benefit of the doubt, certain that he must have some reason behind his actions. You just hope they’re damn good reasons.

“Mommy!” You know that tone of hers, the tone that tells you a request is to follow. 

You shout back, “yes?”

“Joe likes popcorn too! Can we have some?”

You laugh and shake your head, shouting out an ‘okay’. Walking out of the room and into the living room, you find Callie near the TV, arm outstretched as she explains every detail of Moana, even the most obvious ones. But, Joe is sitting on the sofa, watching and listening intently. His smile is stapled. 

He looks…..he looks so happy.

Moving into the kitchen, you move around quietly to not interrupt and to get their popcorn made.

Waiting for the popcorn to finish, you hear Callie ‘whisper’ to Joe, “Mommy can’t cook, but she makes good snacks.”

Amid his laughter, you walk near the living room, hands on her hips. “I heard that, little ms. ma’am.”

“That’s what Grandma says,” Callie defends with a shrug of her little shoulders. “She says mommy is pretty and smart and funny, but she burns water.” She looks off, confused, as if it’s finally registering to her that that doesn’t make sense. “Mommy, how do you burn water?”

Joe is on the sofa, hand over his mouth, fighting for his life. You also can’t help but laugh at the absolutely serious look on her face. “Finish your movie.” 

The microwave dings, so you grab two bowls and fill them up equally. Delivering them to both, you place hers on the coffee table as she’s back to narrating. “Popcorn, as requested.”

“Thank you.” Her eyes go wide with excitement as she suddenly asks, “will you watch it with us?”

Damn. You had a feeling she would ask but was hoping she wouldn’t. Disappointing her twice in one weekend felt criminal. “Callie, I'm super behind with work.”

“Pleeeeasssseeee.” She starts with the begging again and then looks at Joe to inform him, “mommy’s a teacher. Do you have a job?”

Joe chuckles. “I do.”

“What do you do?” She asks in a sing-song tone. You give him that ‘I told you she never shuts up’ look. 

“I’m a professional wrestler.”

She’s clearly intrigued, asking, “are you actually good?”

“Callie!” This little girl and her lack of filter sometimes never ceases to amaze you. Your mom swears up and down it’s your payback from how blunt you were as a child. 

You’re starting to believe it.

Joe gives a shrug, clearly loving every bit of this. You can tell he wants her to keep the questions coming. He’ll answer em’ all if it means getting to spend time with her. “I’m alright.”

At that, you give him a look and crouch down to her level. “He’s very good.” You take the remote and quickly pause the TV, adding on, “matter of fact, he’s the universal undisputed champion.” Joe gives you a look, and you can tell he’s surprised by you knowing this piece of information.

You don’t watch wrestling as much as you used to, partially due to what happened between the two of you, mostly because you don’t have the time, but even non-wrestling people know about Roman Reigns and his current, historic title reign. You’re not sure if you’d feel entirely comfortable saying it to him, but you’re massively proud of Joe and all he’s accomplished. You always knew he could do it.

Her eyes widen with excitement and curiosity as she looks at Joe for clarification. “Really?”

“That is true.” 

Head tilted, she moves away from you and climbs on the sofa to sit next to him. Her little legs crossed over as she continues with the questions. “What does undis—undis—”

He helps her out, also angling his body more toward her. “Undisputed?” 

“Yeah! What does that mean?”

You can see he’s taking a minute to decide how to answer. “It means I don’t lose. Ever.”

“Whoooaaaa,” she breathes, obviously impressed. “You must eat a lot of veggies. I don’t like them, but mommy says they make you big and strong.”

“Your mom is right,” he agrees and looks her over. “You’re a very smart little girl. How old are you again? Like 15?”

“No, I’m four!” She giggles and lifts up four fingers. “But, I’ll be five on May 19th!”

His gaze softens. “Your birthday is in May?” She nods, happily. His smile is warm, emotional. “So is mine.”

You still for a moment. You hadn’t even thought about that, that her birthday was just days away from his. There’s something strangely sweet and moving about this fact, both to you and definitely to him.

“Really?” 

And that’s how it plays out for the rest of the day, a combination of Callie’s incessant questions, intermittent viewing of Moana and parts of Encanto. Lunch and dinner sprinkled somewhere in between. You’re even able to sneak off to do your lesson planning, Callie more than fine with just Joe to entertain her.

It warms your heart to see them connect almost instantaneously.

It’s why you wait as long as you can to interrupt, never wanting to do so, to invade their moment. But, you also know your daughter, know that she needs a certain amount of sleep to function the next day. And when you check in on them and catch her yawning, you know it’s unfortunately that time.

Sighing, you enter the living room with your arms crossed. “Callie Bear, it’s time to start getting ready for bed, mamas.”

“Nooo.” She whines. “I’m not tired.” Her groggy voice and scowl would indicate otherwise. 

“Of course, you’re not.” You bend down in front of her and reach for her hand. “Come on, we gotta tell Joe bye. He’s gotta get back to his hotel.” Despite her obvious objections, she climbs off the sofa and accepts your hand but not before looking at him. 

“Will you come over again tomorrow?” She asks with hopeful eyes and a voice of excitement, both things that make being honest with her that much harder.

He obviously doesn’t want to give her the truth, but it’s better than the alternative. With a frown, he answers, “I wish….but I’ve gotta get back to work tomorrow, Callie.”

Her smile drops, and sadness arises. “Why? Do you have to go?” Her quiet voice is comprised of disappointment and despondency. You can tell it hurts him. Her hope is dashed, replaced with sadness. “When will you come back?”

“As soon as he can.” You jump in to assist, hating the way he looks so devastated not having a specific date for her. Truth be told, you wouldn’t be surprised if he won’t be able to get away for another few weeks, if not more. “And you know what, you can use my iPad to Facetime him when he’s available anytime you want.”

Her eyes light up. “Really?” 

“Of course,” he assures. He reaches to push some hair out of her face. “I’ll call you whenever I can.”

She gives him a small smile. “You promise?” 

Joe swallows. “I promise, sweetheart.” 

Pleased and obviously ecstatic at this information, she surprises the both of you by tearing her hand from you to throw her little arms around him for an unexpected hug. You’re not sure why, but the sight makes your eyes water. His eyes close as he gently wraps his arms around her as well. You look away, almost uncomfortable interrupting this moment between the two of them.

When she pulls away, you swear you see disappointment reappear in his eyes. “Bye, Joe.” 

She returns to your side, and you gently direct her, “go put on your jammies and pick out a book. I’ll be right there in a few minutes, okay?” 

“Okay, mommy.” Without protest, she turns and heads back to her room. When it’s just the two of you, you turn to him, “she really likes you.” It feels silly saying such a thing. He’s her father. She should like him. She should love him.

But you also know better than anyone that being someone’s biological parent doesn’t automatically make them a parent. 

“That’s why you didn’t tell her, isn’t it? You want to gain her friendship first.” In watching and participating in the interaction between them, it dawned on you just why he didn’t tell her right away. Joe wanted to first establish a baseline with Callie, wanted her to get to know him just for him, to bond with him not because he was her dad, but because she wanted to. 

And clearly….clearly it worked. 

“She’s amazing,” he whispers. You see he’s still caught up in the emotion of it all, meeting his daughter for the first time, connecting with her as quickly and easily as he has.

“She is,” you agree, suddenly remembering why you’d dismissed Callie. “I–I uhh, I have something for you.” Standing back up—your knees were gonna hate you tomorrow—you pull the thumbdrive out of the back pocket of your jeans. He also stands with you. “I was that new mom who was intent on documenting every single thing my kid did, and I’m kinda glad I did now.” You reach and drop it in his open palm. “I got everything on video. Her first word, first time crawling, first time walking….all of it.” Suddenly uncomfortable with his silence, you add on, “I know it’s not the same as being there, but—”

“Thank you.” he interrupts in a quiet voice, immensely grateful to you at this moment. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

Emotion seems to be the keyword of the day, because yours are also all over the place, for a variety of reasons. It’s an experience that’s both overwhelming and confusing, but also….nice? You can’t necessarily describe it, but there’s something comforting about Joe having a role in Callie’s life.

But that doesn’t equate with your decision to not tell him about her in the first place, hence why you’re a hot ass, confused mess.

He’s making you feel things again, and you don’t like it. 

“I know getting back here won’t be easy, especially with the holidays rolling around. But, whenever you can come, you’re welcome. I mean it.” Thanksgiving is less than 3 weeks away. You’re highly doubtful he’ll be touching down before then. “Christmas is her favorite holiday. I know she’d love to have you here for that.”

“I’ll be back before Christmas and for Christmas.” You don’t know how, but you do know he’s convinced of it, and you don’t put it past him. He seems entirely determined. 

“Okay.” You walk him to the door, unsure why your bodies being so close to each other is an uncomfortable yet pleasing feeling. “Oh,” you suddenly remember something. “You need to make a Snapchat account.”

He scowls almost instantly. “A what?” A small laugh escapes you at his instant disgust. “I’m too old for that shit.”

“We both are, but it’s an easy way for me to share Callie and all her randomness with people. Make it and send me the username. I’ll add you.” It seems all it takes is for you to mention Callie, and he’s sold. He nods in agreement, all distaste washed away with the eagerness of receiving photos and videos of Callie on the regular. You keep your hand on the door, chewing on your lip, murmuring, “Goodnight, Joe.” 

He gives you a look, something unspoken in his eyes. “Goodnight, Y/N.” 

Closing the door behind you, you lock it and take a deep breath, unsure why your stomach is in knots. Not from anxiety or fear but happiness. 

You’re happy to have Joe back in your life, even with all of the bullshit that’s transpired in this single day. There’s something relieving about having him around, and you know it’s for Callie. It needs to be just for Callie, because what you can never do again is allow yourself to fall back into that situation. 

No matter how badly your heart and your head are clashing right now.

No matter how much you're starting to wonder if your heart ever really left that situation.

[lipglossanon]

As the Rush Comes

✯´*¨`*•✿✿••✿✿•*`¨*`✯

Sugar daddy!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader

Hello, I love your stories. Do you think you can make a story sugar daddy Leon x sugar baby reader where the reader has behaved badly and Leon has to teach her a lesson with a section of intense sex with punishments and that? It doesn't matter if it's in the car, a room, at home, wherever you want. Only this idea haunts my mind

Dedicated to anon request above; I hope this lives up to expectations 😘 and thank you for your patience cause you asked a while back!! ���� 

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, daddy kink (but like daddy dom kinda way 🤭), dom Leon, bratty reader, dirty talk, restraints,  collars, spanking, biting, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex

Not proofread ✌️ 

Title from As the Rush Comes by Motorcycle

✯´*¨`*•✿✿••✿✿•*`¨*`✯

You feel embarrassment as you scroll through the different links setup on the message board. Most people seemed to be pushing a specific site it seems and you bite your lip as you click on the hyperlink, watching the page load. 

It seems pretty straightforward and kinda basic. In just a few minutes, you setup your profile complete with a (hopefully) flattering picture. You’re going to give it a few days and just see where it leads.. it’s not like you’re obligated to reply to anyone or do anything you don’t want to. 

Nodding to yourself, you drop your phone next to you and hide your face in your hands, nerves running rampant. The thought of having a sugar baby profile fills you with anxiety (and just a little excitement).

You fall back on your bed and drum your fingers against your stomach as you gaze up at the ceiling. Feeling a slight vibration at your side from your cell, you pick it up. Eyes quickly reading the notification from the website: ‘LKennedy has sent you (1) message’.

Nervous, you open your phone and read through the short message.

‘Hi, strwaberry_k!ss. I’m starting to get the feeling I should’ve used a screen name and not my actual one.’

You laugh a little to yourself and click on the user’s profile.

“Holy shit,” you mutter out loud.

The profile pic of LKennedy is hot as fuck. It’s only a headshot, but honestly that’s more than enough. Some seriously gorgeous sea dark eyes followed by a chiseled jaw and a full pouty mouth paired with sandy hair meets your roving eyes. This guy messaged you? You feel a rush  of excitement. 

You go back to your messages. Not really knowing what to put, but not wanting to leave the guy on read, you just jot down whatever pops into your head.

‘What can I say? Just trying to be mysterious ;)’

After hitting send, you groan aloud. Smooth, real smooth. Before you can wallow in any more self pity, your phone buzzes, the screen lighting up.

‘I can tell. What brings you to this site?’

You purse your lips in concentration.

‘Curiosity mainly. You?’

‘Boredom.’

You laugh to yourself.

‘I can believe that. You don’t look like you need any help from a website to find attention though ;)’

‘Same could be said about you’

Your belly swoops as you bite your lips trying not to giggle 

‘Well thanks. Tbh I didn’t expect to even talk to anyone on here’

‘And why not?’

‘Idk.. just seems a bit embarrassing haha’

‘A lovely thing like you shouldn’t feel embarrassed’

Your stomach twists with butterflies as you nibble on your lower lip. This could go any number of ways, but you really want to see how far you can get with this ridiculously handsome guy.

‘You think I’m lovely?’

‘Of course. It’s going to sound like a line, but you’re the only one I’ve messaged so far on this site.’

‘Yeah that totally sounds like a line lol’

‘You were just too pretty to pass up, sweetheart’

A hot flush of arousal surges through your body. Drawing in a shaky breath to calm your nerves, you type out a reply. 

‘Oh well that’s flattering.’

‘You’re pretty too’, you quickly follow up. 

Re reading the message, you mentally groan. Should've put hot or handsome, not pretty! Now he’s going to think you’re a total dork!

‘Ha, well thank you. I have to say that’s the first I’ve been called pretty myself.’

You scoff out loud.

‘Uh highly doubt that. You’re seriously hot AF, like a total dilf’ 

You sent it before you could chicken out and delete the last part of your reply.

‘Dilf? That stand for something?’

What!? You panic internally. How does this guy not know what that means? He’s gotta be pulling your leg, right? Right!? You can feel your brain imploding.

‘Uh haha well have you heard of milf?’

‘Sadly, yes.’

‘Kay, well it’s like that but replace the mom with dad...’

There’s radio silence for close to a minute before the text bubble emerged.

‘Ah, now I’m the one who should be flattered. Is that an offer, sweetheart?’

You feel like dying; there’s no way this is really happening to you! You’re going to wake up in the morning and this is all gonna be some weird ass fever dream. 

Sucking up all the courage you have left in your body, your slowly type out a reply.

‘Could be if there’s some interest..’

After hitting send, you close your phone and bury your face in your pillow, to muffle your scream. Your nerves are starting to get the best of you when suddenly your phone goes off, buzzing against your thigh.

‘The name’s Leon. Feel free to contact me here’

You looked down at the notification, dumbfounded, reading the phone number he sends you right after. You seriously got this guy’s number?! Giving yourself a mental high five, you quickly save Leon’s number in your phone. 

Opening up your messages, you shoot him a text saying who you are so he’ll have your number too. Leon texts back quickly. 

‘Hello, sweetheart.’

It seems like no time at all before you guys hit it off and start seeing each other fairly regularly. Leon made it perfectly clear early on that he just wants to take care of someone and doesn’t require anything in return. 

You agree with him until you sweet talk him into visiting your apartment. Then you tease him, rile him up, until he’s railing you seven ways to Sunday, pretty much cementing the fact that you’re more than eager to have some extra benefits with your sugar daddy. 

Today is one of the days you get to spend time with Leon in his penthouse—still blows your mind every time you think about it. You’re excited as always, showing up a few minutes early to let yourself into the suite. 

You hurriedly kick off your shoes and drop your overnight bag down in the foyer. Padding further into Leon’s place, you notice that he hasn’t gotten home yet. You make your way into his bedroom and flop down onto his pristinely made bed. 

You nuzzle your face into the bedspread, sighing as you breathe in Leon’s scent. You wish he’d just keep you here; you know he’d love it, he’s always so stressed and having you here would help him out in more ways that one. 

“Sweetheart, I’m home,” his voice calls out to you. 

“In here!” you yell from the bedroom, listening as you hear his footsteps get closer and closer. 

“Oh, is my pretty baby getting my sheets all messy?” his low voice gives you goosebumps as he joins you on the bed. 

“Mmm yeah, daddy,” you smile up at him. 

“I know a better way to get’em all messy,” he kisses your neck making you sigh and tilt your head. 

“Leon!” you giggle as he noses along your skin to kiss your jaw. 

He places a noisy kiss on your check then pulls himself off of the bed. 

He holds his hand out to you, “C’mon, I got us dinner on the way home.”

You pout as you raise up, “I thought we were going out?”

“I’m too tired, baby,” he pulls you up to your feet and drops a kiss on your head, “let’s just relax at home.”

You try not to show your disappointment; you always love going out to a restaurant with Leon. You love being the one on his arm, watching as other men and women look at you enviously as he pulls out your chair for you or holds the door open. 

You shuffle on sock clad feet into the dining room. Leon has a few take out containers set on the table and you slump down on a seat and pop one open. 

“How was your day?” he asks as he pours you a glass of water. 

You shrug, pushing the food around with a fork, “It was whatever.”

Leon frowns at your tone, but you refuse to look at him. You both eat in silence for a few moments before he clears his throat. 

“Baby, I’m not in the mood today,” he sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “we can go out tomorrow, okay?” 

You’re not even mad about not being able to go out, but there’s this itching underneath your skin that you just can’t ignore. It’s making you irritable and as much as you hate taking it out on Leon, it feels like you can’t control it. 

You scrape your fork against your container over and over until Leon’s hand reaches out to grab your wrist. You look over at him to see his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“You’re really pushing it, sweetheart,” his eyes stay laser focused on yours, his grip on your wrist tightening, “I’ve had a stressful day and I just wanted to come home and forget about it with my pretty girl.”

You shrug, “Okay.”

His eyes narrow as he lets go of your wrist, “Go into the bedroom, take off your clothes, and lay face down on the bed.”

Your heart leaps in your chest but you nod and push away from the table. 

“I’ll be in there as soon as I’m finished,” he states, not watching you leave. 

You shed your clothes as you walk to his room, dropping them on the floor knowing it’s just going to make Leon even more angry with you. Your nipples tighten in anticipation. 

Once you finally make it back to Leon’s bedroom, you crawl on top of the mussed sheets and lay out on your stomach. You try to calm your breathing as you wait for Leon. Accidentally drifting asleep, you groggily come to when you feel a pair of warm, calloused hands running along your bare back down to cup your ass.

“Leon,” you sigh, sleepily. 

A loud smack rings out as heat blooms across your skin where Leon spanks your ass. 

Your whole body jumps but Leon ignores it to land another stinging slap to the opposite cheek. He doesn’t let up even as you cry out, spanking your ass over and over again until the skin is nearly hot to the touch. You arch but don’t move away, enjoying how rough he’s being to you. 

“Leon,” you whimper, clit throbbing as your pussy leaks slick down your thighs. 

“My baby just needs to be put in her place,” he soothes his hand down your hip. 

“Uh huh,” you whine, “need it, please, Leon.”

“Sit still, baby,” he presses down on your back as he moves away from the bed, “need to get a few things.”

You shiver, nipples hard against the sheets making you squirm on the bed. A weight dips down next to you and you feel cool silk wrap around your wrists as Leon tugs your arms behind you back. 

“Be good for me, sweetheart, and your punishment won’t be too bad,” he coos at you as he finishes binding your wrists.  

“Want it, Leon,” you sigh, “want daddy to really give it to me.”

“Oh?” he laughs softly, “daddy need to teach that little pussy to behave?”

“Uh huh,” you moan, “please, she needs it so bad.” 

“It sounds like she’s been a naughty little thing,” his fingers slip between your thighs to rub your slick pussy lips, “you say she needs daddy to teach her a lesson?”

“Yes, yes,” you push your hips down, trying to get him to touch you more, “gotta really give it to her tonight.”

He groans, pulling his hand back to spank your ass making you whimper. 

“Daddy’s gonna do a lot of things to you baby, hope you’re ready.”

Your hips rock into the bed as he spanks you hard. Whining, you press your face against his sheets, pussy throbbing with want as he gropes and slaps your ass. 

“Love your ass,” he kneels down behind you, placing a soft kiss on the blood hot skin, “needs spanked more often.”

You cry out as Leon sinks his teeth into your sore ass cheek, sucking and worrying the skin until you kick your feet out. 

His big biceps wrap around your legs to hold you in place. 

“What’d I say?” he hugs your thighs, kissing the skin he bit. 

“T-to behave,” you gasp out, clit pulsing from being forced to stay still.

“Good girl,” he laughs, “daddy’s gonna help you do that. We don’t wanna kick anyone, right?”

“Right, daddy. ‘M sorry.”

“Mmm you’re perfectly fine, baby.  I know you can’t help it, feels good doesn’t it?” he groans, sinking his teeth back into the same spot. 

You whine high in your throat, legs spasming but being forced to stay still making you drip slick all over the bed. 

Leon ignores your sounds and pleas as he sucks bite after bite into your ass cheeks until they’re throbbing in pain. He keeps going back to the same spots to bite deeper and suck harder making you squeal and press yourself against his mouth.    

“Daddy, s’too much,” you drool into the bedspread, body completely limp to the point Leon’s not even holding you down anymore. 

“Nah, I don’t think so,” he chuckles, spanking your ass to watch your body shudder, “look how much your pussy’s crying baby, she’s loving every second of it.”

“Leon!” you whimper as he dips his head down to lick up the slick covering your thighs, tongue teasing across your pussy lips only to pull away. 

“Mm really making me wanna eat her up,” he says more to himself than you but it makes you arch up.

“You want that?” he spreads your thighs even wider, “want daddy to eat your little cunt, baby?”

“Yes yes,” you choke out, “eat my cunt daddy, please.”

He rolls you over onto your side and lifts your leg up, “Wrap theses thighs around my head, sweet girl.“

You moan as he pillows his head on your bottom leg and presses the other one over his head as he licks into your throbbing pussy. 

You love it but Leon’s being so slow. He’s lapping at your hole and teasingly dipping his tongue inside then changing direction and kissing his way up to your clit to lick and suck on the sensitive bud. 

He hums and groans noisily into your cunt, hands gripping your waist to keep you pressed as close as possible to his mouth. Whining, you squeeze your thighs around his head as you ride his face. Leon goes a little wild at that and roughly fucks his tongue up into your dripping pussy, grinding his nose against your clit harshly.  

He rolls you onto your back, hands now digging uncomfortably into your spine but that gets shoved to the side in favor of the electrifying feeling of Leon devouring your pussy like a man starved. 

“Leon, feels so good,” you whine, rolling down against his mouth, “gonna cum.”

You cry out as he pulls away, landing a smack onto your spit soaked clit. 

“None of that til you earn it,” he grins, wiping your slick off of his chin, “roll back onto your tummy for me, sweetheart.”

Your chest burns with embarrassment at his tone as you roll back over onto your front. 

“That little pussy distracted me, but I’m about to paddle this ass til I think you’ve learned a lesson, okay?” you feel him shift on the bed. 

“Almost forgot,” he laughs under his breath making you feel warm all over, “lift your head a bit. There we go.”

He slips the faux leather collar around your neck and fastens it gently.

“Leon,” you whimper, biting your lip. 

“Not too tight?”

You shake your head no as you relax down into the bed, “No daddy, s’good.”

“Good girl,” he pets your hip making you sigh, “you can be so good when you want to be.”

“M sorry, Leon,” you wiggle against him, “I’ll be good, promise.”

“Too late for that, still gotta spank my girl for acting up,” he lightly taps the paddle down onto your sore ass, “gonna give you ten, if it’s too much you let me know okay?”

You hum, “Yes, daddy.”

Leon ghosts his fingertips against your tender skin and as soon as you relax into the touch, he brings the paddle down to crack against both cheeks. 

You gasp out a low moan as Leon chuckles, “Don’t you sound pretty. That’s one.”

He quickly brings down the paddle until he lands on five. You’re sniffling into the bedsheets by then, skin feeling like it’s on fire. 

“Hurts, daddy,” your tongue is heavy in your mouth.

You hear him set the paddle down on the bed as he smooths his palms down your back to softly ghost over your inflamed skin down to your thighs.   

“Okay, baby.”

He grabs around your thighs and pulls you to the edge of the bed making you whine as the sheets drag across your swollen clit. 

Looping his fingers through your collar, he pulls you until your spine’s curved with your ass pushed out. Without any warning, he bullies his fat cock deep into your cunt, not stopping until he’s completely bottomed out. 

You squeal and writhe in his grasp, eyes rolling back at the sudden stretch and fullness of your pussy. Giving you no time to adjust, he’s pulling all the way out until only the tip is stretching you open before thrusting back into your soaked hole.

Your whole body thrums with pain and arousal, gasping as the collar pulls against your neck sporadically with his thrusts. 

“Pussy’s just crying for me,” Leon mutters as he grinds his hips against your sore ass making you clench, “fuck, she’s soaked, honey.”

Drooling, your hands scramble at the sheets to push yourself up to keep from choking on the collar, “D-daddy.”

“Take it, honey,” he growls, “you’re gonna take what I give you and you’re gonna like it.”

You shudder and press back against him. Leon groans and lets go of your collar to shove you face down into the bed, roughly yanking your hips back. 

“Tight little pussy,” he grunts, pushing his palm on the middle of your back to keep you still.

He fucks into you hard, making you scream as he knocks the tip of his dick into your cervix making fireworks explode in your head. 

“There we go,” he laughs, hand sliding up your back to press your face into the bed, “gotta make it hurt or you’ll never learn your lesson, baby.”

You can only make punched out little moans of pain as Leon pounds your pussy, the fat head of his cock pressing against your cervix and grinding against the opening. Your legs kick out weakly but he just laughs and smacks your ass with this other hand. 

“Don’t even need to spit on this pretty pussy she’s so wet,” he groans. 

Leon pulls his cock out making you mewl. Shifting around, he presses the bottom of his foot on your head, the other planted firmly on the floor, and fucks down into your pussy at a new angle.

Using both hands to grab onto your hip, he rocks his dick in and out of your dripping hole, slick messily smearing over your cunt. 

You moan loudly, pussy walls clenching down on Leon, sucking him in deeper. He thrusts his cock harder into your  squelching cunt, making your eyes roll back as he grinds against your g-spot. 

“Leon!” 

“Feeling good?” he presses his foot down harder, smushing your drooling face into the bedspread, “want you to cum for me, sweet girl.”

Punched out ah ah ah’s leave your lips, pussy split in two as he bullies his cock repeatedly into your sloppy wet hole. His cock keeps knocking against your g-spot make you squeal and clench down on him, pussy walls fluttering around his fat dick. That little band of arousal snaps and your body thrashes against the sheets, slick coating Leon’s cock as you cum with a loud cry. 

“There we go,” he coos down at your twitching body, aftershocks pulsing through your cunt making you whine, “such a good girl for me.”

Leon moves until he’s standing behind you again, fucking his cock deep into your clenching pussy. 

“Squeeze down on me, pretty thing,” he smacks your ass making you whimper and grind back against him.

“Gonna cum all over your ass since you don’t deserve it in your cute pussy this time, sweetheart.”

You whine, “Please, Leon, please, I’ll be good, please.”

His laugh ends in a groan as you clamp down on his dick, “Oh I’m sure, but this’s to show you how to behave for next time.”

You whine when he pulls out of your cunt, jerking his cock as he shoots hot spurts of cum all over your lower back and ass. After he finishes, you feel his broad palms rub the sticky jizz into your skin with a low laugh. 

“Pretty baby,” he sighs, undoing the restraints on your arms and the collar around your neck, “you okay, honey?”

“Mmhmm,” you hum as he rubs your chafed wrists, “wanna shower.”

He chuckles and kisses your bare shoulder, “Me too, c’mon I’ll help you up.”

Leon bends and scoops you up bridal style as you giggle and wrap your arms around his neck. 

“I’ll take you out tomorrow night, promise,” he kisses your jaw softly, “now I just wanna take care of you, okay?”

You pet your hands through his hair with a sweet sigh, “Thank you, Leon.”

[desire-mona]

LIAM PAYNE JUST FUCKING DIED???

hold on

ok looked it up he fell from his 3rd floor hotel room in buenos aires

cant say if its accidental or not but iirc a woman just came out about dealing with abuse from him and now people are already blaming her

idk anything about that situation tho hence the hyperlinks, either way thats incredibly sad and i hope his family and friends are doing alright. i was a huge directioner back in the day so this definitely stings even tho i didnt particularly like him, nobody deserves to die

[floralcrematorium]

fuck it, band AU time

with my mounting zine deadlines and drawings i owe friends for their b-days, idk if i'll ever get to draw the accompanying material i wanted to, so it is time to yap everyone's ear off. apologies if this is a mess! it's been a hot minute since i've properly spewed my nonsense out loud

i think i wanna talk abt Nat first... I love using Natalya in narrative works -- she's so so interesting to me and the character i've fleshed out the most

in Band AU, Natalya is a solo pop musician whose earlier music takes heavy inspiration from ethereal wave and dark cabaret. artists who frequent the playlist i've made for her are birdeatsbaby, revue noir, and then a bit of the dresden dolls and mirabilis. here's a hyperlink to her WIP playlist!

as for subject matter, her music probably deals a lot with existentialism and self identity

at the start of her career, Nat is very experimental in her sound, presentation, and image. i like to think she sees her music videos and stage performances as a version of semi-abstract performance art. she's very into symbolism

the pop part of her sound comes a bit later, after she starts dating Alfred Jones, the front man of Multifacet, an alternative(?) rock band (gonna be real, i have NOT nailed down what their sound is yet). her relationship with Alfred is mutually unhealthy - they are somewhat codependent and both feel a need to perform due to media pressure. he's using her for her preexisting fame, she uses him to feel the lonely void she feels

Nat cracks under the pressure. She was a very popular artist before dating Alfred, but she had control. When they start dating, her own achievements begin to be overshadowed. Her career becomes inescapably intertwined with Alfred's. She hits an absolute breaking point

as of right now, the sound of nat's music when she's with alfred is a bit like rina sawayama's. i find her voice gorgeous and i like the sound of urgency in the songs I have added to Nat's playlist -- it's a stark difference from her earlier slower music. I think Frankenstein embodies Nat at this point in her career the best

i know billie eilish is WAY too mainstream for Nat's taste, but I can't help but think of The Diner from billie's latest album for the AmeBel breakup...

also I much prefer platonic AmeBel - I think when in a romantic relationship, these two enable the worse parts of one another. however as just friends, they work quite well! anyway the best way I can sum up how I see AmeBel is:

someone else: what do you even see in him? Nat: he makes me laugh. he's stupid. i like that in a man.

I think the constant theme for Nat is a constant searching for a sense of identity because she continually destroys the identity she's built. I think Nat is a little insecure and to truly flourish, she needs to find some confidence. she also needs a good support system, which comes in the form of Tereza (miss Czechia), but I'll talk about them at a different time (wink wink, nudge nudge)

If I have to give you examples of Nat's different "Eras":

Debut: The Silent, The Tragic Tantrum She's having fun. Nat's a bit cryptic, she's eclectic, and enjoys putting on a show on stage. Start of the AU: Girl Anachronism, The Dresden Dolls I associate Girl Anachronism a lot with Nat in general, band AU aside Dating Alfred: Frankenstein, Rina Sawayama The lyrics of this one really hit for Nat. "All I want is to feel beautiful inside and out/You're the one who can save me from myself." This is when AmeBela are mutually codependent Breakup: Nothing Lasts, Glycerine I don't have anything to add other than this is an old personal favorite of mine. That's it. Breakup, but with plot relevance: The Diner, Billie Eilish I really want to use the lines "I'll go back to the diner/I'll write another letter/I hope you'll read it this time/You better" Nat and Al are having a very public breakup, that's all I have to say Healing: Seventeen, birdeatsbaby Nat's like. 27 at the start of this AU, but I think the themes are still relevant. I also LOVE the dramatic and grandiose intro to the song -- I feel like it's a return to form for her... Healing Nat Part Two: I Always Hang Myself With The Same Rope, birdeatsbaby

Nat will get a happy ending. I do need to figure out in more detail in what ways she damages Alfred, but I think with the general theme of the whole AU being a cautionary tale about fame and the effects it has on an individual, I've focused more on the "good ending" route with Nat's story. She has a moment of self realization and puts in the time to work on herself.

[myreputatioooon]

Outis and the Dante Dish

AKA the messy five-second analysis of possible parallels and maybe self-report on the quality of my memory using Hell's Chicken only

to my greatest regret I fell off on watching Limbus playthroughts midway through Canto III and have only just started watching Canto IV, and with the breaks I'm taking off of catching up to Limbus comes time to digest what I'm watching

Particulary the part where Outis makes a dish for Papa Bongy and dedicates it to Dante by making it look like a clock, which I'm starting to think I misinterpreted, or at least didn't interpret wholly

Outis makes a dish to reach Papa Bongy's heart, yes, but she's dedicating it to her direct superior, Dante

It's a lot like how P.Bongy made chicken to make a meal using it that his mother would finally like

and this is where we can start branching in interpretations

1. Outis ≈ Papa Bongy, Dante ≈ P.Bong's Mother

this is likely the conclusion lots of people will make if they put fuck all into thinking about Outis and her enviornment, aka The City

It's easy to see why as well; Outis/Bongy wants to prove themselves to their superior Dante/P.B.'s mom

The thing is that while P.B's become disillusioned to a degree whilst still holding onto his relationship with his mother, Outis continues to stand her ground on her stance regarding Dante

plus Dante was touched by Outis' meal, whereas P.B's mom never touched his chicken due to being a picky eater preferring Pizza

2. Outis ≈ P.Bong's Mother, Dante ≈ Bongy

Instead of using the lens of superior and subordinate however, I'm much more a believer of this one idk how to name

You expect anybody aged and experience in City whose worked under her fair share of bosses to not find her own way of aquiring tactics that give her advantages in getting a leg up against death or other unwanted scenarios prior to Limbus Company?

Lobotomy & Library have proven how deplorable authorities are willingly to act towards those below them, it isn't unlikely that Outis had dogshit bosses and had to figure out how to rig the game in her favor aka be treated as least shittily as possible

Which likely involved bootlicking and egostroking; acts which may have turned her peers away from her, but they would be peers that mattered little if it meant her bosses felt less inclined to throw her towards the wolves and whatnot

And at her age, depending on how long she's been playing this act, it might even be second nature

Dante is an amnesiac who is also a decent person for now but we and she don't know jackshit about Dante prior to becoming clockface

What's the likelyhood Dante wasn't a piece of shit once upon a time?

What's the likelyhood she won't be under their command if they regain their memories and keeps their clockface memories?

she's doing herself a favor, protecting herself from Dante's future wrath by presenting herself as their most reliable most praiseworthy underling at their most ignorant

it's not her concern if Dante comes to feel insulted by her fellow sinners and makes them pay for it. Her wellbeing is her concern

She's just like Meursault like that, just with her own spin on his take

Dante thinks Outis is their most reliable employee when their relationship is just like how PB thought he was never good enough at making chicken when his mother never liked it all along and prefered Pizza

3. Yes

Circling back to the post I hyperlinked, where I chipped away at what might be a mask by Outis and then I fell for it again, the answer could be both

Outis could be torn between the two ideas, maybe she started at One, then ended up becoming Two, or the otherway around, or she was always split between these ideas

and thats where im ending this off because my brain wont brain anymore, teehee~!

[aphverse-confessions]

Confessions Masterpost (DRAFT)

Hello!! Please enjoy this carefully curated guide to navigating through these confessions!

First and foremost, if u are here because the confessions annoy you, please be sure to block both this account and the "aphverse confessions" tag just to be extra safe! All confessions include that tag.

I also want to let u guys know that there are a LOT of tags. Like I made this SO hard for myself to keep track of. Please know I try to hit every relevant tag from the list below, but I will 1000% miss a few or more of the relevant tags. The most consistent tags are going to be characters, ships, feels (angies, happies, or sillies), and media tags. Because I remember that all those exists.

Lastly, this is marked as draft because it is missing hyperlinks! I don't feel like grabbing those all rn, but want to post this (finally) so people know what tags mean.

Now, the tag navigations

General Post Content:

Tags that decribe content not under specific character/ship/series tags such as the length or the purpose

NSFW?! - Posts that contain sex, drugs, or other suggestive themes. The question mark is because usually the post is subtle and idk what I'm doing. If someone actually sends me an explicit confession I will probably explode (protip)

Long! - this tag is for any confessions with multiple paragraphs. Entirely up to op (me!) if smth fits my idea of long. We have fun here

Angies - this tag is for all those angry/vent/upset confessions over relatively trivial things

Fandom angies - lots of confessions address the fandom as a whole. This tag is for people complaining abt general issues with the fandom, a subtag of angies

Happies - this tag is for happy/wholesome confessions

Sillies - this tag is for fun and silly confessions

Headcanons - tag for headcanon confessions, I do not do individualized character headcanon tags because I already made myself tag general character, love character, and hate character individual and I do not want to ALSO hc tag characters

Shipfessions - Name borrowed from my sister blog @aphblr-shipfessions (not run by me, only similar premise, hence sister blog like sister location), this includes any tags related to ships

Mys shipfessions, mcd shipfessions, mid shipfessions, and coco shipfessions are the subtags for this (some posts are unclear for what universe and do not receive subtags)

Hate shipfessions is another subtag for this

Series:

Tags grouping confessions by the series they pertain to

Minecraft Diaries (and it's adjacent tags) - for all confessions related to minecraft diaries (VP included)

Mystreet (and it's adjacent tags) - for all confessions related to Mystreet (PDH included)

Phoenix Drop High (and it's adjacent tags) - for all posts related to Phoenix Drop High (FCU included)

My Inner Demons (and it's adjacent tags) - for all confessions related to my inner demons

Side Stories - for all confessions related to the original side stories

Side Quests - for all confessions related to spinoff series of aphmau featuring the mcd/mys cast (ie mermaid tales/royale tales)

That one fucking series - for all confessions related to that one fucking series (aka small quickly abandoned series by aph not related to mcd/mys)

Cocomau - for all confessions related to current Aphmau videos (post 2020)

Nonaphmau media - Many people have used this blog for reach in finding old fics/accs/comics/etc, or confessing to consuming some fucked up Aphmau related media. This tag is for them. This tag also includes references to specific tumblr blogs/users

Media finding - specifically tackles the former use of this

Character Tags:

I try not to maintag characters if any hate is included, so I have devised my own tagging system for characters for u littler haters wanting to scroll through ur least fav characters confessions. I know tumblr’s tagging is generally fucked tho and “[character] tag” may appear in the “[character]” tag. Please block “[character] hate” or “[character] love” for preference.

Also worth noting for convenience I have grouped all divine warriors under the same tag (Shad and Irene do have individuals) and have included the Jesson tag here in the character category.

If ur looking for mcd or mystreet specifically for a character, ur out of luck sorry I am not tagging that. Maybe harass me and I'll think abt it

A-Z (If alphabetized wrong, no it isn't)

-Op spells it LaurAnce and Sylvanna (correct me if double n is canonically incorrect) please notice this in both character and ship tags

-Nana is used to refer to the infamous "Kawaii~Chan" this includes ship names

Aaron Tag (hate or love)

Aphmau Tag (hate or love)

Blaze Tag (hate or love)

Brendan Tag (hate or love)

Dante Tag (hate or love)

Divine Warriors Tag (hate or love)

Donna Tag (hate or love)

Ein Tag (hate or love)

Elizabeth Tag (hate or love)

Emmalyn Tag (hate or love)

Eric Tag (hate or love)

Garroth Tag (hate or love)

Gene Tag (hate or love)

Irene Tag (hate or love)

Ivan Tag (hate or love)

Jesson Tag (hate or love)

Kai Tag (hate or love)

Kenmur Tag (hate or love)

Kiki Tag (hate or love)

Kim Tag (hate or love)

Liochant (hate or love)

Lo Tag (hate or love)

Melissa Tag (hate or love)

Modzilla Tag (hate or love)

Nana Tag (hate or love)

Laurance Tag (hate or love)

Logan Tag (hate or love)

Shad Tag (hate or love)

Sylvanna Tag (hate or love)

Teony Tag (hate or love)

Vylad Tag (hate or love)

Zane Tag (hate or love)

Zenix Tag (hate or love)

Zoey Tag (hate or love)

*character tag is used for ship posts but the love tag for that character is not usually used as the characters are not usually being discussed by themselves in those posts. Please know that to see ships with a character u will have to scroll through the general character tag. Please block the character hate tag if hate for ur favs bothers u (ships popular enough to have a name will be tagged as that ship)

**also not all characters have a hate/love tag, I just like consistency, please feel free to send hate/love to balance out my tagging system

Ship Tags:

The ships lucky enough to get the great honor of recognition by op (me!), for all ship related confessions please see shipfessions tag

A-Z

Aarmau tag (hate or love)

Dana tag (hate or love)

Garmau tag (hate or love)

Garrance tag (hate or love)

Laurmau tag (hate or love)

Vylenix tag (hate or love)

X Confessor tag (hate or love)

Zana tag (hate or love)

Zanvis tag (hate or love)

Miscellaneous Tags:

Op (me!) is feeling silly and making life harder for themselves

❤️‍🔥 - Tag for the Valentine's special, a bunch of ship/Valentine's related confessions

- Confessions op (me!) Thinks are important!!

🤭 - Confessions op (me!) Left some silly little tags on

😳 - Confessions sent off anon!

My confessions - Original posts from op (me!)

🩷 - Posts about op (me!)

😵‍💫 - The old Aarmau countdown posts! An era may she rest in peace

*emojis picked based off op's (me!) commonly used emojis because I don't want random emojis in my frequent list

Op (me!) Is only one person. I will tag things wrong. Please politely leave an ask or comment if smth is missing a tag or has an incorrect tag.

This is a lot also like Jesus there is no way u read that entire thing! But I had to write it and then retroactively add ALL of those tags to posts I had already made! So please be nice to op (me!), I love u guys and am doing my best!

[angerybabydino]

Did a 15+ hour road trip with my fam twice a little ago and I drove a good chunk of it. Used AA/DGS music to keep me awake bc music psych is a blessing sometimes. Anyway, just a roundabout way to say, I have discovered some fun things in the music that made me 👀👀👀 Idk if anyone else has noticed any of it (and I will say I have minimal music theory knowledge but I'm an English major with the tendency to read into symbolism way too much), but feel to keep reading if you're interested! Spoilers for DGS2 are in here, fair warning!

I'll try and include links to the songs when I can! It'll probably be a mix of Spotify and YouTube hyperlinks so bear with me. Fair warning, this is super long because I decided to cram everything in one post oops lmao

The Funky Time Signature

The first thing I really ever noticed was that Sholmes' "Dance of Deduction"s were weird in terms of keeping beat. It's not in common time aka 4/4 aka 8-count; I think it's in 7/8 time (so you count 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc. etc.) which is a struggle to maintain counting since people are so used to 3, 4, and 8-counts.

Dance of Deduction - Type A

I found sheet music for easier counting! It says it's in 7/4: https://youtu.be/51vTmoQzwI8

Originally, I thought it was just because he's Weird and Silly™, but I ended up listening to "Partners - The game is afoot" which plays when Sholmes and Yuujin are on the S.S. Grouse trying to deduce where Jigoku is.

Partners - The game is afoot!

This one is surprisingly in 4/4 aka common time (you count 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 etc. etc. [though I have seen sheets put it in 12/8, which is close-ish, but it still has an even counting pattern WHICH IS WHAT MATTERS]). So in actuality, Shomles' Dance of Deductions aren't in a weird time signature because he's our favorite eccentric boy (okay, it might be part that too); it's because he's missing his partner after he left and investigating never felt quite right without him. Once he and Yuujin get to investigate together again, he's whole and happy. And it's just so fucking gay I can't.

Harpsichord

The big thing I noticed while I was driving (because there was nothing else interesting on the road) was the use of harpsichords in certain Londoner themes, specifically Stronghart, van Zieks, Iris, and Kazuma's prosecutor theme, as well as some of the final songs during 2-4&5.

If you don't know, this is what a harpsichord sounds like! Yes, I know I'm a nerd for being able to pick it out and name it while driving lmao

You can hear it a lot in Stronghart's theme, specifically around 0:38-0:49 (it's pretty in the background so you kinda have to strain your ears but it's there), but it's also pretty present throughout his theme.

Lord Chief Justice Stronghart - Time-Keeper of the Law

There's also a lot of it in van Zieks' theme as well; it's right off the bat and it's one of the prominent instruments throughout the piece.

Barok van Zieks - The Reaper of the Bailey

You have to really be listening for it, but it pops up occasionally in Iris' theme as well! You kinda have to strain your ears during 0:16-0:30 to hear it, but it's definitely there. It's more hidden compared to van Zieks'.

Iris Wilson - Young Biographer

I know Kazuma is Japanese, however, since he became a prosecutor in Britain, it still counts and it makes more sense once I tell you why it's all related (if you haven't guessed yet). ANYWAY, his theme also has a lot of harpsichord in it, even in the parts that were from his original theme.

A Prosecutor, Reborn

This could all just be a stylistic choice too, but do you see it yet? All the people who correspond with these themes are directly related to the Professor killings. van Zieks and Kazuma have the most prominent because we know by 2-4 the obvious connections they both hold. Iris and Stronghart's are more in the background since both of their involvements are big reveal-type deals by the end of the game.

Bonus points: the actual theme that plays when anything related to the Professor is mentioned also has some background harpsichord to connect it all.

The Professor - A Spectre Revived

I will note that I didn't notice anything in Gregson's theme, even though he played a big part in the false conviction. Courtney Sythe's theme also has some harpsichord, but I can't remember how she's related to it other than the fact that she helped with the autopsy (which probably means I should replay the games again lol).

Other game music that proves the connection:

Enoch Drebber - Rondo of Science and Magic

The Great Gateway to the Truth

The Prison Warders

The Great Closed Trial - Court is Now in Session

Reminiscences - The Fruits of Ambition

Others I probably completely missed

A Prosecutor, Reborn

Speaking of Kazuma's prosecutor theme, one of the really cool things about its composition is the warring back and forth between itself. It starts with the completely new theme, blending his usual string accompaniment with drums/cymbals, singular bell tolls, and harpsichord. When it gets to around 0:47, you hear the bells and then it switches back to his original theme from Adventures, though it's a lot grander now and lacking a lot of the traditional Japanese elements it once had.

A Prosecutor, Reborn

Kazuma Asougi - Samurai on a Mission

And it bounces back and forth like that until the end of the song, the bells signifying the shifting. It goes to show this internal struggle Kazuma is having between finding the truth even if it's something he won't like (his original theme) and following his emotions to falsely convict van Zieks as revenge (the beginning chunk of his prosecutor theme).

I also think it's interesting how dominating the harpsichord is, again especially over the chunks of his original theme from Adventures. In connection to it being related to the Professor, aside from the obvious connection to his father, it also shows how much influence and manipulation Stronghart had over him, with him being the BBEG.

Siblings

One of my favorite things I noticed was Susato and Kazuma's connections through themes, though not the one you're thinking. Kazuma's official theme I'm sure has a few connections to Susato's (but I haven't listened closely enough to hear them), however I really noticed how intertwined the two were when I listened to Kazuma's unused theme they provided in Chronicles.

Susato Mikotoba - A New Bloom in the New World

Kazuma Asougi (Unused)

Many of the same instruments are used, as well as note and chord progressions. They have the same peaceful/serene vibes too, which is understandable in why Kazuma's was scrapped (even if I do like it a lot). But if this ended up being Kazuma's actual theme, I would've noticed the familial relationship they share instead of my initial thoughts of it purely just being professional.

That's all I've really noticed for now, but I'm sure I'll come across more things as I listen to the soundtrack to study. I will, however, shut up now and let you get back with you day/night/whatever time of day it is for you because this is getting l o n g. If you did read this far, thank you for indulging me and listening to me be a complete nerd ^w^ And definitely feel free to share your thoughts too; I love talking about this stuff if you couldn't tell!

[apileofpans]

Thanks for the tag @shinyfire-0 !!! ✨✨ also, fuck tumblr for being weird with adding hyperlinks? Sigh, mobile posting sucks

Fanfic author tag game

How many works do you have on AO3

29!

What’s your total AO3 word count

411,837 (also just hit the 1,000 bookmarks milestone!)

Top 5 stories by kudos

Leave Box Five empty for my use - Erik/Raoul, PWP (this was meant to be a singular blowjob in box five…..)

Wishing - Erik/Christine, time travel fix-it

Stranger Than You Dreamt It - Erik/Christine, canon divergent fix-it where they actually communicate after the unmasking

I shall be taking my seat in Box Five - Erik/Raoul, direct sequel to the #1 on this list :) plot with porn !

You Are Music - Erik/Christine/Raoul, AU where Christine and Raoul realise they can just add Erik to their relationship

Do you respond to comments?

Usually, yes! If there’s some substance to the comment I like to reply a thank you :) though my Box Five 2 fic I didn’t do so. I didn’t wanna inflate the comment count idk LOL that fic is the exception though!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstigst ending?

Why do you curse mercy? - Hey man, wanna see me fucking kill Raoul? Yeah. He’s my baby boy but RumpleTrumple wrote this amazing killing Raoul fic and I got inspired and woof.

We had a taste of joy… the most we ever knew - I forgot I wrote this but, uh. This is literally three chapters of Erik and Raoul dying and leaving the other devastated

Do you write cross-overs?

No. I don’t care for them. I want my blorbos in the right space without interference of other blorbos thank yew

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yup! On my Wishing fic somebody actually commented something along the lines of ‘this is a cool premise that would be way better written by somebody else’ lmfao

Do you write smut? If yes, what kind?

Yes. Just, yes. I wrote a goddamn gangrape fic man, Idk. Some messed up shit

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Would be fun to try it out tho I think!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Erik/Raoul. Special shoutout to Erik/Nadir/Raoul—I am the president AND fan of this fanclub I created

What’s a WIP you want to finish but most likely never will?

This fucking LND rewrite I started way back in 2021 when I first got back in Phantom. It’s 31k already and I just. Stopped. It was E/C, too

What are your writing strengths?

I think I get characterisation right most of the time. At least consistent with how I write my boys! Same with the dynamics, I think. I set out a specific way to write a story and/or dynamic, and I usually succeed!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I really ought to describe environments and how somebody looks more. I just like people to envision their own version of a character

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Raj/Howard from the Big Bang Theory. Have a singular small fic in the works for them, that’s it! Anything I want to write I usually get to in due time :)

I tag whoever would like to do it!! :3c

[artificialchaoscola]

hiiii !! sorry if the “this song reminds me of your fic” asks are getting annoying but I thought these would be interesting to share ;;;

idk how to hyperlink songs BUT !! I have three of them here for you :]]

Welcome To The Show by Famous Last Words https://youtu.be/EI1oCtMLTS8?si=5lYGsGKN8WBT50Yp

Mx. Sinister by IDKHBTFM https://youtu.be/D_lf3g4cWeg?si=gK11nxIKjqr_IRG5

Switchblade Serenade by Sister Sin https://youtu.be/KR114Ycc140?si=YTjxA0oaCLuoxsEv

NO PLEASE SEND MORE!! I have a bad habit of only listening to the same 3 songs for months so this is helping me a TON!!! Plus, you've all been giving me BANGERS!!

These songs are so fucking good aaaaaaaAAAAA!! It's making me excited because I plan on making Sonic so much worse and these just fit the vibe to a T. Also I have to thank you for reminding me that IDKHBTFM exists. The lyric 'Oh You never seem to notice my heart beats for you - So I'll open you up and make yours beat for me too' is just... chapter 13 and another event that will happen much later. Wish I could just project the vision on screen for all of you to see rn haha

[seeminglyseph]

okay I'm still not sure what I'm doing. I bought the customizable Gambling Jester corset set with gold accents, because I love Gambling Jester's Vroid textures, I've been using her textures since day one, I'm shit at knowing how to credit on tumblr since they nuke hyperlinks from orbit and like nobody has a tumblr and everyone has a twitter, but for the record if you ever want to know where I get textures and you ask I will obviously immediately tell you and send you the links. that's never an issue I have. Sometimes I lose track of things but like. I try to save everything and I don't intend to steal credit I'm just sometimes kinda stupid and impulsive. but like I haven't made money off anything. I just post pictures of models I make 'cause they make me happy. and I double check that modification is okay, and I have never sold anything. I've turned down commissions specifically because like. I make things out of modifications, and that's scuzzy business, the only way I would be okay would be if they went out and bought all the original textures and paid me to modify them which would be a fuckin' weird ass process.

But in general my current weird brainworm project is Ember and he is a weird little Omega Femboy Prince and idk what I'm doing with him. I always go for colour themed characters, I'm a slut for colour theming, so I made him one a set of quadruplets (which is a term I intermittently forget) based on elements purely so I can have some fun colour themes. I have no greater concepts established beyond 'Fantasy universe, problematic relationship dynamics, all the bad fantasy writing tropes I find indulgent, character designs I think are fun, get weird with Omegaverse' so like. expect nothing. the purpose of this universe is for me to let my mind wander to the weird shit. nothing exists in it yet, and it only exists in my head. I just wanna try and build some fucked up blorbos in some shitty situations with genders that are completely batshit. This was never intended to be good for anyone but me, if you find any of it interesting then good for you.

[submergingartist666]

if you say something stupid, people should let you know

oh man you ever read a review and think to yourself “haha oh shit that was fucked up that’s a fucked up thing to say”

or even just “shit dude i don’t think you picked up at all what the artist was trying to put down and while your god awful experience is, like, so valid it doesn’t seem like you even tried to understand what happened or why …

and i don’t think it’s constructive to call an actor’s performance annoying … also ur writing just kinda sucks”

but the thing is you can’t stop them, you know? and there’s nothing i can say about how to be a better critic that hasn’t already been said, so i think if you say something stupid, people should let you know.

anyone. fellow critics, artists, you, dear reader.

i mean sure, critics have a responsibility to respect the artists we’re talking about while staying honest but we also have a responsibility to the way they’re being talked about by each other, right? think about it– the relationships critics have with artists– should they not extend past the interactions we have with them? should we not publicly address and comment on what our peers have publicly said about a public piece of art in our own reviews?

this is not about disagreement or taste because i hate most of what i see but clarity I think maybe also (for lack of better words) community? which is such a bleh word to use these days but i kinda like the idea of reviews becoming referential of a review interacting with ideas in other reviews of the same something different people experienced.

instead, we hide behind third person and we hide behind formality and authority and we think artistic dialogue only starts when we initiate it so we HAVE to have the answers, right? otherwise why the fuck would anyone want to hear from us? bc we’re smart cool sexy funny and kind? NO. bc we know what the FUCK we’re talking about (i have a BAH, mf)!

but sometimes we don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, which is chill because you can’t always know what the fuck you’re talking about, and we should be ok with people letting us know especially if they can tell us why.

it would be, like, so hot If i saw a review that was like, “yo i saw this show and i loved the way they did this thing and this is what it made me think of, but that wasn’t this person’s experience [hyperlinked post], no they had the complete opposite time and hated it, but i see how that influenced their interpretation of the rest of the show. however, they didn’t pick up on some crucial elements (for whatever reason) that would’ve provided the necessary context for them to continue engaging meaningfully which may speak to a lapse in communication (which is a valid critique) and not an absolute failure of the artist as they’re saying.” or–

–idk i just think it’ll get really boring if we only ever do our critic thing individually bc we’re all kind of screaming into the void hoping our opinions get more attention than the next and right now, that overwhelming sense of competition and legitimacy is turning people off from collaborative, critical engagement.

could be kind of fun if we collectively decided to extend post-show lobby chats and talkbacks and conversations over drinks to somewhere like twitter or reddit a place where people can casually share their interpretations and cultural references like we do with television and books and movies, you know?

critics need ~community~ too.

or maybe we don’t maybe i’m talking out of my ass and if i am maybe you should let me know why :)

[wolf-in-the-water]

THIS IS AN 18+ NSFW WRITING BLOG

IF THEE OR THOU HATH NOT HAD THY 18 YEAR OF BIRTH, THEN BEGONE!!! All jokes aside, this is strictly a nsfw 18+ writing blog and thats all this will ever be. If you are -18, then do not talk to me, do not tell me your age, and please stay away. If you are a minor and you tell me, I will block you. I do this because I do not want to get into trouble, and I will not argue with you about this rule. There will be no rule bending here.

I DO NOT TAKE REQUESTS. This blog is for me and my horny mind, and only my horny mind. I will come here when I need a place to put my ideas and fantasies when I can't jack off. If you have ideas, you may suggest them and I might write them if they tickle my fancy enough. However, I am under no obligation to do any idea you send me at all, and I probably wont as I hate pressure and demand. Of course, if there comes a day when I say the opposite, you may disregard this rule, but for now, I will not do anything demanded of me.

BE NICE AND RESPECTFUL or I will very quickly turn off anonymous asks and I will block you the moment I find out who you are. If you are overly nice and beg in my inbox to write you something then I will also block you. It does not matter how nice you are, begging is just demand with a pretty face, and I do not appreciate it. If the criticism is actually helpful and not just critical for the sake of it, then you may send it in. Things like "I noticed a grammatical error" or "I think you may have done some sentences the wrong way around, the paragraph doesn't flow right'" or " I didn't like 'insert quote' because..." The because is VERY important in criticism otherwise I wont know why it was "bad" and you will just be telling me you didn't like it and then I feel bad with no progress. TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN'T LIKE SOMETHING. (And have it be a valid reason please...)

I AM PRO-FICTION. I DO NOT ACCEPT ANY KIND OF CENSORSHIP. I will be doing "problematic" fiction as most of my fantasies, fetishes and kinks are "taboo" and again, this is a blog for me and my horny mind. There is obviously stuff I do not like, but just because they are not my kinks does not mean I will bash them or trash talk people who like those kinds of things. I am open to exploring new things as a means of challenging my disgust response and becoming the most nonjudgemental person to ever exist. [I will make a list in the future of the things I am into,the things I am Not, and the things I might be into, so you know exactly what this blog is about. When that list is written, I will delete this bracket and leave a hyperlink in its place.]

DO NOT REPOST MY WORK. I don't know why you would want to, but just fucking don't. I will only post on AO3 and here, so if you see my writing in the wild and its not here or AO3, tell me and report that shit. I do hunt reposters for sport and I enjoy it in all my sadistic violence.

I WILL WRITE ANY AND ALL GENDER/SEXES. I am Queer and use any pronouns. He/She/They are all good with me, and Idk what name to use, but I'm gay and horny as fuck and that will translate into my writing. I will probably gravitate toward AMAB/AFAB bc I love pussy and dick a ridiculous amount, and I want to write both all the time, BUT, even if it is M/F, its still gay bc I am and thats how it goes. Sorry besties, but being queer has no strict rule book of "how to be gay" and if you try to tell me otherwise, I will block you.

[MASTERPOST WILL GO HERE WHEN I'VE WRITTEN IT UP]

Enjoy Reading!!! <3

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

looking for: advice

I need help understanding something idk if there's any TW.

im gonna be as honest as I possibly can.

I still feel so much like im lying or that I can't tell enough of the truth because I feel like im always missing something but ill try hard right now....

its a bit of a story of everything.

I know there's so much I could've easily done differently and if I did then I wouldn't have put myself in this hole. I have really destroyed my life. if I just didn't say that one thing then I wouldn't have put myself into this mess with an even more fucked up life. if I didn't do this particular thing I can't get into details about then I would have been better off and the people abusing me wouldn't have done so much more damage to me I could've had it easier.

I have made too many mistakes. I can list so many things im thinking of that I fucked up. something as easy as certain words I used could've changed so many events in my life.

I don't know how I manage to be such a fuck up but I am.

it's my fault you don't get it!

I could have done x so differently so easily and yet I fucked it up. I make everyone upset, I make everyone hate me. im disgusted with myself, im defective. I can't stop thinking about how defective I am.

but I can't think of myself as the victim bc I put myself in this and everyone says so and I agree with them.

my parents said they abused me because I was a bad child I can't remember anything about my life or their abuse but they told me.

like I thought I used to play certain games on the beach as a young kid and my family has mentioned I did so I guess it wasn't a dream but reality. I remember going to a particular vacation spot as a little kid and they mentioned it so I guess it was true... .... I can remember her inviting me into the room when we were kids to "play games" and to "keep it secret" but they say that one never happened. it's like a dream, they all feel the same. I started questioning that maybe something sexual happened but I feel like im trying to make things up on (call her A) character to play victim because but im really trying not to. because A accused me of abuse first and I didn't recall anything from my life at the time so I believe her and she asked if I remember abusing her and I responded with "no but I believe you/but I believe whatever you say" we were like 12/13 maybe even 14... ig?

...maybe that conversation was a dream too. I really don't know anymore. like I really don't know. and I don't remember anything happening in that memory with A. just a few small details but nothing really.

I don't know what's wrong with me or if im making things up. what if im some pathological liar and don't even know it? or don't even have the self awarness to see it ? maybe I am the shameful one like my parents and A say. I think about this obsessively almost everyday and it's ruining my life.

🐕

Hi anon,

The thing is that we all tend to get something wrong in our personal narratives because it's a human thing to do, and it doesn't necessarily mean that we're liars or that we aren't credible. That being said, it sounds like what you struggle with more is regret and looking back on the mistakes you've made in your life. It can be useful to reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. Considering the regret you have for some of these things, you can consider channeling that regret into changing your approach and behavior moving forward.

I personally have found that learning about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy’s concept of Irrational Beliefs has helped me challenge these ideas. The page I hyperlinked has a numbered list of all the different kinds of “irrational ideas” (I think irrational sometimes comes with a negative implication that could be worded differently, but this is a concept from the 60s so that level of mindfulness about language wasn’t necessarily considered then). The bullet points under Irrational Idea No. 3 may provide some insight into your experiences.

But it also sounds like some of this is intertwined with some internalized victim-blaming. It can be hard to know which of these things you're reflecting on are genuine mistakes or things you actually didn't have control over, but blame yourself anyways. It's important to remember that being a "bad child" doesn't justify being abused. There is no excuse for abuse, and there are far better ways to discipline or support a "bad child" other than abusing them. A "bad child" often refers to a child that is acting out due to abuse or mistreatment by parents, so to be abused in response often just exacerbates the child's "problematic" behaviors, establishing yet another vicious cycle.

It sounds like you are dependent upon your parents' recollection of events and don't seem to trust yours, especially if they remember it differently. It's important to consider that, especially if they've abused you previously, perhaps their narrative may not be as reliable as you're giving it credit for. Especially if they have manipulated or emotionally abused you in the past, it's possible that they may be gaslighting you.

Ultimately, these could be things to explore with the help of a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the roots of these feelings, and guide you along your healing journey.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[swiftfootedachilles]

Ack, I fucking love your take on omegaverse! I enjoy it actually (the scenting, breeding, and the feral/primal shit), but I have the same problem with the complexity of how female alphas impregnate others and the whole giving birth through your butthole (shitting-the-baby-method) stuff.

Annnd I check all the fics that you recommended and I was surprised to see that I've read all of those 😭 Like maaan. Fantasy/Supernatural/Anything involving not complely human characters stuff are like my freaking favorite! This is coming from a girlie who started reading werewolf and vampire original stories on wattpad on 2016.

That being said, I want to reco a fic. It's fantasy/magic with Seer!Mickey. It's a short and light read :'›

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33299758/chapters/82689130 (idk how to do that hyperlink thingy, sorry!)

i just dont understand why many omegaverse writers hate tras or intersex characters 😭 SO many times ive seen people (using hiding on anon) saying stuff like "youre not one of those omegaverse writers who thinks all guys should have holes do you 🤨" like whats so wrong with men having vaginas 😭

in my utopian omegaverse i see (what would be considered in our universe) intersex characteristics being very common. ofc fandoms need their weird giant dick fetish fulfilled, so alpha adrosex cis women or transmascs can have lower cervixes since omega guys/transfemmes always have tiny dicks?? whereas omega androsex cis women or transmascs have higher cervixes to make room for alpha guys' or transfemmes dicks ig.

if you ask me, i think cis alpha women can also have dicks and cis omega guys can have wombs. sex isnt just decided based off genitals, so they could still have internal sex organs, secondary sex characteristics like fat distribution or having breasts, and hormone levels that dont fit into "typical" androsex ideas of what a man or woman is. there are also many different ways that people can have both set of sex organs. they are rarely both fully formed, but its a fake universe where people have fantasy world characteristics so who cares!!

actually, scratch everything i just said! there is no assigned gender at birth! each individual can decide how they want to identify as they get older, so there is no cis or trans! theres only the spectrums of alpha and omega! alphas with wombs and breasts with one undescended teste and higher testosterone/androgen/estradiol levels where they grow more hair and have deeper voices and are territorial! omegas with dicks and no womb but have ovaries and a natural urge to nest and care for children even if they cant carry the child themselves! alphas and omegas with both sets of sex organs or ambiguous genitals! maybe instead of betas being awkwardly-misplaced normal people, they can be people born with ambiguous genitals and, during puberty, dont end up presenting alpha or omega. maybe betas dont present until the meet their mate, or maybe they never present. maybe their presentation involves showing distinct characteristics of both alpha and omega! idk im talking out my ass here! i just think we should get more creative instead of sticking to some made-up rules a group of supernatural fans invented on livejournal

and ive actually already read that fic and i love it! urban fantasy holds a very special place in my heart 🥹 and i had a similar experience lol when i was young i was OBSESSED with twilight and was very much team edward bc i was obsessed with vampires for some odd reason? and now i like blood and romantic cannibalism so look where that landed me