#hyperfocus got my fucking ass. what time is it

[ayyyyysexual]

shoutout to fucked up yuri. we love fucked up yuri. thank you life series gempearl

i just made so many of these i have a whole other post in my drafts

[pokenoire]

Amour (French name for Love) + Shipping It's a good ship name honestly

I think I'll add the Miraculous Ladybug stuff here (all my OTPs are Feligette, Felixette, Marinette Cheng (previous concept), Bridgette Cheng, Félix Agreste and Spinix respectively) I'm not a fan of the Felinette canon (they stole our name lmaaao)

My own taste is reverse crush AU and Ladrien

(I'm on the most hated sides of the fandoms I participate in and I feel fucked like hell)

I think I got a little angry with Felinette (Fathom x Marinette) because in addition to stealing the previous name, I was accused and attacked for calling Marinette pre-canon MARINETTE as she was in the material when I returned to the fandom or in this case I joined the Twitter fandom because I was a Facebook/Orkut pre-teen/teenager/recent adult at that time

I've known about Miraculous since 2014 but I wasn't active in the fandom because I'm not good with social media I was here in 2011-2012, I could have bumped into it, but for better or for worse, I was a pre-teen, a little stupid I didn't even know how to create a DA at that time . I've only seen a few clips and a synopsis until then. Pokemon is my main hiperfocus I am extremely attached to the concepts I was able to see at that time, despite XY being what who what I most talking two pleces is based in Paris. As Pokemon XY end, in 2016 I started to focus a lot on this show as my next hyperfocus, something that I didn't watch regularly started to be something much more talked about. Obviously my autistic ass who isn't good with change was upset with how the plot changed, but that was good because I wrote a lot (Brazilian Portuguese is my native language) and I'm a known fan at least there, known as such a big fan of Felixette/Feligette who talked about them the most there so it's good to a point.

Oh of course I would like to try to draw better and post art from this group interacting together PLEASE I need it

Now that I've finished Pokémon for good without Ash, I can't be sorry Riko, you're making me relive the shit with Adrien vs Félix pre-canon "the best protagonist is now" I'm feeling dejavu with this shit.

[we-were-so-beautiful]

4. shower

wow look it's another chapter!!! like... not that long after the last one, even! honestly I had the first 3 sections of this basically entirely written not long after finishing the last one, but eventually I decided I should probably do literally anything else for a while (hyperfocus is a real dick lol), and so I'm just now getting back to it. I thought this was gonna be on the shorter side, but it's about the same as the last one, around 1.3k! there's a pretty important reveal in this one...

Content warnings for this chapter: box boy universe, pet whump, dehumanization, conditioning, infected wounds, (severe) illness. As always, please let me know if there's anything else I need to tag.

[masterlist] [chapter three]

Vanessa’s never been particularly sensitive to scents—it’s a saving grace, in a mind where too much light or sound or texture can make her feel like she’s dying. But by the time the guy lying shaking on the seats behind her practically falls out of the taxi in front of her stoop, even she’s having a hard time with the smell coming off of him. Given how the driver peels away with all his windows down the second she pulls the last scrap of soiled newspaper from his backseat, it probably isn’t just her.

She turns back to the guy, for the first time finally alone with him. She’s too short to be used to talking down to people, but he’s hunched himself into that weird curled-up position again, so when she speaks it's aimed vaguely toward the top of his head. “Okay. First things first, we’re getting your ass in the shower,” she tells him. “And then we can deal with the effects of my questionable life decisions.” She pauses for a moment, considers. “Well. This one, anyway.”

There’s no way she’s getting him in through the front like this. Too many stairs, and too much dirt. The garden door will have to cut it. She motions for him to follow her down the alley, and he unfurls himself just enough to shuffle after her.

As soon as the shadows close in around them, she looks back over her shoulder. When she’s satisfied that no one can see them, she unclasps the collar from around his neck and tosses it, leash and all, into the garbage.

—

Vanessa can’t say she’s ever been grateful for the fact that her parents are insane enough to have a swimming pool in the basement of their New York fucking brownstone. Quite frankly, she still isn’t; they got the fucker installed when she was a kid and she screamed for so many days they finally packed her off to a hotel with her nanny of the week just to shut her up. Which they probably should have done in the first place, given that she was nine and there was a jackhammer in her fucking basement.

What she is grateful for now, though, is that the part of this floor that isn’t taken up by the pool—or the hot tub, or the weirdly redundant multi-person bathtub—is a shower stall the size of her literal bedroom. Complete with benches, and removable showerheads, and, she’s hoping, everything else she could possibly need right now.

“In here,” she motions, and he drags himself onto the tiles. “I’d offer you the weirdly redundant multi-person bathtub, but you’ve barely been able to keep your head up all day and the last thing I need is to fucking drown a guy in my basement. Also no offense but you’re literally so dirty right now I’d have to drain the fucker the second you got in. After this you can have a bath whenever you want, if you’re into that sorta thing, but for right now you’re getting a damn rinse.”

—

Once he’s more or less situated on the built-in shower bench, propped up in the corner in hopes it’ll keep him from falling ass over, Vanessa gets to work, still fully clothed down to her chucks on the marble tile. She unhooks a showerhead and aims it at the drain while it warms up. “Is this okay?” she asks, pointing it at his feet, and he flinches sluggishly but doesn’t respond either way.

“I don’t know what that means, guy.” She tests the water again with her hand. “It can’t be that bad, can it?” she muses out loud. “It’s the same temperature I’d use for me, and fuck knows I’m… y’know, picky. So if you want it different you gotta tell me, okay.”

He doesn’t tell her shit. But he doesn’t flinch too much harder when she moves the stream of water up toward his knees, either, and she figures that’s the best she’s gonna get.

She leans over him and focuses the showerhead on his hair. It’s matted stiff as tree bark, the water barely able to permeate through the layers of filth. “Shit, I dunno man, your hair’s got so much crap in it. Not to mention it wouldn’t surprise me if that shelter gave you goddamn lice.” She shudders. “Might be better off just cutting it short.”

There’s a noise she barely registers as a gasp before his ice-pale eyes fly open and he clutches her arm, quicker than she’s seen him move by fucking light years. She jerks automatically out of his grip, dropping the showerhead in her alarm, but he fixes her with a lidless, panicky stare and the eye contact is so startling she’s frozen to the spot. “Please…” he wheezes, “don’t.”

“You fuckin’ what, dude?”

“Don’t… cut… my hair.”

She blinks, astonished. “That’s the first thing you’ve said all fucking day, isn’t it?” He doesn’t offer another. “Christ. Typical fuckin’ me not to notice.” She huffs quietly. “Well shit, dude, I guess if you give enough of a fuck to speak up about it it can stay. But so help me if I find a single fucking nit in there.”

He whimpers quietly, squeezing his eyes shut, but he doesn’t say another word.

—

Vanessa gingerly retrieves the showerhead from where it’s spattering up at the ceiling, along with an oversized lace bath pouf and a mostly-full bottle of body wash she’s pretty sure is fucking designer. If you could see me now, Mom, she thinks, squirting the gel at his left shoulder, the one closest to her. You… well, you probably still wouldn’t give a shit. 

She touches the pouf to his sullied skin as gently as she can, and she knows she’s not well-coordinated at the best of times but she really doesn’t feel like she deserves the choked-off sound he makes or the way he shrinks away from her when she makes contact. “Oh cmon, guy, look I know but you gotta let me get this shit off you, there’s no way it’s not fucking your shit up worse than it already is,” she cajoles, and whatever she’s said it makes something in his posture go slack and he rolls back toward her, opening himself to her touch. “Thanks, uh, I think,” she hedges, and begins to lather him up with slow, concentrative strokes. She flicks the shower back on, sluicing suds and dirt from his skin in equal measure.

"Ohhh, fucking yiiiiikes," Vanessa says softly.

With the first layer of filth washed away, Vanessa can see the far grimmer reality that’s been hidden underneath. Rows of jagged, infected gashes streak their way across his shoulder to his chest. The skin around them burns an angry red, the wounds themselves all but smothered in sickly whitish-yellow. What narrow swathes of skin remain intact are mottled purple, and now that she’s touching him, she can tell he’s just… way too much hotter than any person should ever be.

She lowers the temperature of the water and keeps washing him, afraid to look but needing to see. Each stroke only reveals more of the same. His chest and left shoulder seem to have gotten most of the worst of it, but there are stripes across his arm, his back, his stomach, deep gouges in his legs. She hasn’t tried to touch his face yet, but now that she knows what to look for she thinks she can even see a scratch or several across his cheek, trailing up into his hairline. Jesus fuck.

It all makes a sinister sort of sense now, she thinks: the shallow breathing, the shivers, the near-total lack of response. And here she thought he just had regular rescuee trauma.

“Fuck,” she breathes out quietly, as the realization creeps over her like ice.

There’s something really, really wrong with this guy.

-

taglist: @maracujatangerine @pigeonwhumps @tragedyinblue @marchtothefuckingsea @octopus-reactivated @briars7

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

in other news we continue clowning for Astarion and letting him drink from us

(x)

Right so I don't know what or who to believe anymore in this goddamn game

I say goddamn but I still love it don't get me wrong

(x)

mum come pick me up i'm scared

now tell me why tf did i rush here with no spell slots left

yeah we're fucked, reload 💀

(x)

i may be a monster

(x)

I'm starting to get a headache but I wanna keep playing 🥴

Hyperfocus this, hyperfocus that, what about "I'm fully aware I should be doing something else or else I will suffer greatly but I can't stop and it's worth the pain" kinda focus

(x)

*You notice the blood's source* *Astarion approves* okay thanks??? 😂

(x)

"Can you imagine dressing entirely in red?" I'm not saving your ass when I create Ross for my next playthrough smh

(x)

I felt really really really bad about this and thought I was making a big mistake (I probably was 💀) but seeing only 7 % of players unlocked this? Yeah that's cool. Or maybe not. Idk I feel bad 💀

(x)

Trying to take down the bitch evil vampire again

Am I struggling? Mayhaps

We are Fucked™ lmao (that's a lmao of big pain not lmao of this is hilarious)

Alright let's try again

How do y'all not get attached and just play and stay cool because it's just a game. I'm 👌 this close to ugly rage crying lol stop being mean to my boy leave him alone stay away from him get a job

Not now duo dammit

...fuck

Yeah no I'm reloading and I'm just gonna fuck around the city a bit, I can't do this rn 💀

Okay so the strategy of 1) just go there 2) try not to die is not working too well in the big fights in act 3 for me 💀 oh well I'll try harder I guess

(x)

they need a pair of glasses smh

(x)

So I'm seriously considering throwing 2 weeks of gameplay in the trash just to get a better shot at a romance but…now I'm thinking about some tedious parts and ehhh 🫠

Is he worth it? He is worth it. Right?

Lmao I don't remember the last time a fictional character had a grasp on me like that. It's rather embarrassing really 💀 I'm too old to act like this aren't I 💀

(x)

Actually considering how bad today has been, reloading that far will probably Fix Me™ so I'm doing that right after a little afterwork nap

And if it turns out to be pointless or a bad idea I can always just switch back to the furthest point in the storyline I got, I won't overwrite that save

(x)

Sacrificing about 42 hours of gameplay 🫡 it's been an honor but I need the vampire's love more than oxygen. Reloading now 🫡

And I'm making sure to actually finish some quests I didn't the first time *cough* the shadow curse *cough*

(x)

I put him in Karlach's clothes...for science

(x)

HELP I'VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

(x)

I need to pickpocket people more. In the game I mean. Every time I succeed, I get a good giggle out of it 🤭

(x)

organ rearranger you say...can i...can i say something...

Okay we're all adults here right I can say it. Minors look away this isn't a safe space for you

Well let's just say I stole this for someone and he can rearrange my organs anytime okay byeeeeeeee

Well technically he stole it himself I just giggled with my finger ready on f8 in case things go badly 🤭

(x)

Okay so I just found that one reason why some things weren't going well for me was simply because I don't long rest enough in the game 💀

(x)

Me when I first started playing bg3: I hope there's a way to avoid a lot of combat, I hope I'll be able to just talk my way through Me now: woooo slaughter!! 😗

(x)

Nooo I was like "wooo yeah cutscene finally!!! is it happening?? are we so back???? we're so back amirite" and it's this guy 😭😭 (with all due respect i was hoping for something else 💀)

(x)

and it's only gonna get worse

let's goooooo

(x)

Does this game hate me or what

It's so joever it's so joever I'm just not getting any cutscenes in the camp lmao

My negative rizz is so strong not even videogame characters want me

(x)

You know what? I get her

(x)

WAIT HOLD WE ARE SO BACK

I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS *incoherent screaming*

I truly am the embodiment of this meme

I'm not even trying to scream anymore my voice is dead

I can't believe this actually happened so now I'm pretty much spamming the kiss, ignoring everything else

"I play for the plot" she said 🤭

(x)

my game crashed, good thing I save every five seconds otherwise I'd think about jumping off of very tall somethings

okay i actually lost like zero progress, jfc blessed day

(x)

Zeph you're standing way too close lol

(x)

"I'm gonna speedrun the parts I've been through about a week ago," she said, failing to realize she's not a good runner

There's no such thing as speedrunning this game lol. I just want to do everything always. Fight everything and open every crate and loot everyone 🤭

(x)

back to act 3 we go now that i've righted my wrongs 😌😌

(x)

wise words from daddy, wise words indeed

(x)

buddy you have one job

(x)

...okay?

(x)

"watch out for anyone acting STRANGELY" said by the guy who tries to suck your blood on like the first night of camping together but ok love whatever you say 💀

(x)

[gubbles-owo]

Contingency Contract is upon us! It's designed to be fully modular, so just pick which risks you feel comfortable with and have a go. Don't get discouraged by how overwhelming it can be at first. It can be quite fun to make the perfect match between the risks you pick and the operators you go with.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA

babey's first CC clear... It took me a few tries to clear without any risks, albeit with the "no guards or supporters" thing already in mind. Once I finally cleared it, realized I could add on three risks ($$$ guards and supporters, max squad size 10, 1 base health) without changing up my strategy at all.

Later I did a similar run with the class toggle flipped (aka the Gubbles Learn Not to Over-Rely on Manticore Challenge™). This was woefully scuffed. The first attempt was ended prematurely when the battery in my mouse died partway through, and the second had a number of egregious tactical errors. I know how to better pull it off, but I somehow managed to clear it on try 2 so fuck it I'll take it

I was also able to pull off one of the early challenge missions (smth like "ur attack suck" and "edgy slicey boi have more hp" combo). From that I finally learned how powerful the combined slow from Manticore + Suzu really is, it's like. TURBO SLOW. er, um. extra slow. jumbo slow. molasses. paint dry. whatever u get the picture For all of em I had to borrow a friend's Kyato, and ngl I still kinda feel like I cheated? But when presented with the choice of dual-bladed delete cannon or literally not being able to clear the base stage at all... I suppose I'll take the victory supported by friends >w>`

This is the highest amount of contingency bucks I will ever possess, and of course with such a limited sum of funds and an exclusive pool of things with which to purchase with such funds, it's paramount I take the time to really consider all of my options, carefully make an informed and calculated decision on what would best be wor--

or I could immediately just manticore outfit. It's okay she's worth it So @lilyblackdrawside, I know you sent this ask much earlier on in the event, and I intended to attempt it earlier, but for a while I just... didn't feel much up for it? Hard content is hard, babey player is babey, and life always finds a way to intervene. Lack of interest, hyperfocus on N64 development, hyperfocus on beating Perfect Dark for the first time, chronic illness, mental illness, going outside for walks on the precious two (2) days it didn't feel like instant heatdeath outside. Y'know, the usual. But given that this is the last CC-- and also the first CC I was even able to participate in-- I gotta say, I wish I got to it sooner. Generally speaking, challenging content usually ain't my thing unless I'm really interested in taking it on. And in the context of arknights, I've been burned out enough by the difficulty curve of the events and complexity of managing a ton of ops to really seek any of it out. But while even the risk 3 CC was difficult... I had fun! Eliminating certain classes got me to better think of how to get the most of what ops I had available. A stronger boss and squishier ops got me to think more critically about how to keep my ops alive through the onslaught, and to discover a pretty powerful combination of slows to crank the most out of what DPS I could manage. I bet I could've managed to squeeze in a risk 4, even, if I hadn't taken it all on in the last two days of the very last CC. Not recognizing an appreciation or enjoyment of something until it's just about gone... kind of an ongoing theme with my life lately, eh? It was my first real CC, but I'm gonna miss it. Oh also the music. The music straight up kicks ass.

Also someone borrowed my Vulcan a bunch fsr?? I know who took out Manticore that one time, but as for Vulcan's eight excursions up to risk fucking ten, I've no clue who brought her along for that ride. First time Anyone has used my support units, really, so I'm glad they could be useful!! anyway everyone look at my (virtual) (anime) (adopted) daughter, she's so cool and confident and she's grown so much and im lov her

[sayyourprayers]

You're a fucking pussy mainly because you stand for nothing and have no real input on the matter and to make yourself feel better about it, you assume everyone who does stand for something is a "performative activist". It doesn't take a lot to stand against an ongoing genocide and occupation of Palestinians.

You're adding your own unnecessary input and dialogue into a matter that you also have no real stake in and posturing around like you're above it all, like you some "voice of reason" when you haven't said anything of real value or anything new. You're so cool and different for recognizing you don't understand the full compacity of a global issue, better hyperfocus on the bad faith actors like that's the most important thing to do at the moment. You're truly better than everyone for not giving a fuck about anything and telling everyone you don't give a fuck. Suck a fat fucking dick from the back bitch.

when reading comprehension is swimming along with bad logic in the septic tank that is your cranium.

That's exactly what i said you dumb fucking hoe that y'all act like fucking heroes for saying genocide bad. When it's the least you could fucking do, you waste of space, time and resources.

Imagine trying to appease the gods of morality by having an opinion on noah fucking schnapp's opinion of zionism. lmao. when there's not enough problems in a 100km radius, folks like you shoot ICBMs of sympathy and pathological need to appear as being in the right. why is that you fucking phony ass bitch?

what voice of reason? i am not defending idiots out here or discussing how the conflict affects byler endgame. neither am I hyping up other actors at the cost of another actor's support for imperialism.

you woke up and chose to bleed out for this cause. good on you? i guess noah did end up doing more for your dead conscience than idk everyone else of actual import.

maybe suck your fat fucking thumb cuz you've got to be too young to suck a dick if this is your stupid fucking diatribe on anon about something that's clearly hit a nerve but not the prefrontal cortex.

i don't have to understand the full complexity bitch cuz it isn't complex. y'all wanna pretend. stfu and your infantile notions of what complex means. lemme try and fuck up your life and see how you find the complexity in allowing people to debate the morality of my actions and the impact of it on byler endgame or some shit.

also shut the fuck up you germ. the 99% is not always right. (reference to my post lest your enraged dick starts typing at the keys before your upper intestine processes any of it)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #55

I have been working on something all day today. Because the thing I ordered yesterday arrived today! Behold!!

So you remember that bowl that my klutzy ass shattered yesterday? Well guess what:

The pictures do NOT do it any justice. This thing is SPARKLY!! 🤩

It's not quite finished yet. Again, I am dyspraxic; this is going to take me a while. My hands are clumsy as hell because the idea of my body moving exactly in the way I intend is a distant fantasy for me; being dyspraxic fucking SUCKS. And I'm REALLY SUPER MEGA GLAD that you don't gotta deal with it. Clinical clumsiness is really not a fun time. For ANYONE involved. But whatever! I make it work!!

So the kit comes with this stuff:

You've got paper dishes with black gloves crunched up inside. You're supposed to use gloves because uncured epoxy is supposedly poisonous, but I didn't use the gloves because I can't afford to lose any more points in DEX, and when my fingertips are covered, my DEX score (which is already very low) gets set to -50.

Underneath are two containers of "gold dust" (it's really just extremely fine sparkly gold glitter, but still!). Then you've got the tube of food-grade epoxy (it's made of cashews, I guess? but it smells vaguely like shrimp).

I wasn't able to get you too terribly many pictures of the process, because this stuff sets FAST, holy cow! But I can give you a rundown of the steps:

First, you squirt an amount of the epoxy into one of the paper dishes. Then you add "an appropriate amount" (verbatim from the instructions) of the gold dust to the epoxy and stir it around with the wooden sticks provided. Then you use the stick to glorp the epoxy onto the edges of one of the pieces you're joining. Then you press the pieces together, and wait for a short time, and be VERY careful not to touch the epoxy until it stops being tacky, because the stuff has the stickiness and consistency of partially-melted caramel, and it WILL prioritize sticking to your skin over sticking to the ceramic (go on, ask me how I know! haha!). Keep doing that until all the pieces are joined together. Then you use the handy-dandy... chisel... knife... thing...??? to scrape off any excess epoxy. It looks like this:

...Or uh. That's what it looked like towards the end of doing this, anyway. I've been at this for... 6 or 7 hours now? But still, it's VERY sharp (again, ask me how I know!), and very good at scraping excess epoxy off of ceramic.

Though I didn't get many pictures of mixing the epoxy, or of the pieces after the epoxy was applied to the edges, I did snag a few images while taking quick breaks:

Anyway. Ideally, for a non-dyspraxic person, this process is simple enough. But that is not my lot in life, so... 6 or 7 hours, several sliced-open fingers, epoxy spills and glitter spills on my hands (and in my fresh cuts, fun fun... knowing my luck, I'm gonna have gold-colored scabs until those mend, good grief...), too many instances of accidentally touching still-tacky epoxy while trying to put another piece on, and needing to thus reapply the previous piece, and various spills all over my pants and all over the table I was working on later, I'm....!!!! ...still not finished. 😖

It's together, but I gotta go over each crack one more time with the epoxy goop; Not all of the cracks are thoroughly covered, so I'm still seeing spots where water can get in between things and cause problems. It's not because the kit is bad; the kit is very good! But rather, it's because this is my first time doing something like this, and my hands are clumsy even for things that I do well.

I'm maybe a little cranky about it at the moment because throughout this I mostly forgot to eat and drink (although we did get pork soup dumplings and some other stuff, which prompted me to eat, and that was good!); hyperfocus is a thing, and the time zooms by and I have no idea what happened (what even IS time, anyway? why do we have it? why does it gotta be linear? who decided that this was a good idea? seriously, what the fuck).

But I still had a lot of fun with it, even though my fingers are now ouchy from many accidents with the sharp implement and I've probably accidentally inhaled enough gold dust that my snots are probably gonna be gold-colored every time I blow my nose for the next week. You can bet your bottom that I'm gonna be back at it tomorrow. And then after that, it'll need 48 hours for the epoxy to fully cure and set. After that, though, the bowl will be better and more beautiful than before! It will be a wonderful vessel for that pumpkin soup! Just you wait!

Hey, Sephiroth!!! You go around acting like you're some kinda weird abomination and thinking that a normal life is out of reach for you because of it. And I don't agree with that!!! Not even a teeny tiny little bit!!! You are a "monster" in the same way that I am "furniture"! Which is to say, NOT AT ALL. And I know that this probably seems unrelated to the bowl right now, but I promise you it's not! Just listen:

Even if you were a monster, you can still do normal human things if you want to!! You can do them just because you decided it!! Sure some people might look down on you because of how you were born, but that's because they're insecure and judgmental, and you don't have to listen to those ones! There aren't gonna be any "monster police" coming to get you just because you're deciding to grow a garden at your house, or just because you decide to cook yourself a meal, or just because you're sitting on a sofa on a rainy day with a warm, fuzzy blanket, enjoying a hot mug of tea! And even if there were "monster police" who would be foolish enough to try to disturb your peace, you can just summon up some of that "I'd like to see them try" type of attitude you showed us before and send them a-runnin' with their tails between their legs! You are allowed to not give any fucks towards any arbitrary social rule that says you're unlovable or that you're not allowed to enjoy your life because of how you were born, the way you were raised, the horrors you've endured, the mistakes you've made, or whatever challenges you live with as a result of it all! You are not a lost cause! You are not broken beyond repair!

Sephiroth, I was a viciously abused autistic/ADHD child that absolutely no one wanted to have around. I know what it is to feel subhuman! I know what it is to feel out of place! I know what it means to be raised with the idea that, "if I'm not perfect or if I don't do what they want, I'm going to be considered unlovable and everyone is going to hurt me." And I have hurt people in the past who did not deserve it, too.

But you know what? Here I sit in my silly little house with my silly little things, awkwardly putting back together a pretty bowl that my clumsiness destroyed. I am putting it back together despite the difficulties that being AuDHD/dyspraxic presents. I am putting it back together even though my traumatized brain absolutely refuses to give me even a moment's peace, as all my instincts scream at me that the end result is gonna suck because I'm the one doing it, that the bowl is a lost cause, that I should be doing something "more productive" with my time, and that I'm a bad person for the fact that I'm making a mess in the process, and a bad person for the fact that I struggle with things like these to begin with.

But, my limitations and old conditioning that I'm trying to overcome aside, one fact remains: this bowl is going to be BEAUTIFUL when it's done, regardless of how loudly my brain tries to tell me that it's gonna be ugly because it was shattered in the first place, or that it's gonna be ugly simply because it's MY hands trying to fix it.

I've been told my whole life that no one's gonna love me because I don't think or act like most other people. But I'm sitting here with people who absolutely adore me, not despite the fact that I'm weird and abnormal as hell, but BECAUSE I'm weird and abnormal as hell! I'm considered "other" and "monstrous" and "socially unacceptable" by many, just for freaking existing. And here the fuck I am, DOING NORMAL HUMAN THINGS ANYWAY.

Because here's the thing, Sephiroth: only I get to decide whether or not I am allowed to have a normal. Other people are gonna try to tell me that the nature of my existence means that I don't deserve a normal, or that I'll never have a normal, no matter how hard I try. But I don't gotta listen to those people! Because a clumsy, awkward normal is STILL a normal! Just like the bowl, it doesn't have to be perfect to be worthwhile! There is strength in imperfection! There is beauty in imperfection!

All of this can be true for you as well! You are a human being! And even if you weren't a human being, SO FREAKING WHAT? You're still a person! And as a person, you don't gotta listen if broader society tells you that you're not allowed to have a normal for whatever stupid fucking reason. So just be you. Be the you who laughs and cries and reaches for your locket when you're troubled. Be the you who says what you're thinking and feeling. Be the you who does not stifle his emotions. Be the you who asks for help when those emotions threaten to consume you. People who benefit from keeping your self-esteem low and from encouraging you to dehumanize yourself will tell you that things such as those are weaknesses, but they're not; rather, they're the source of any human being's natural strength.

So, like any human, be like a glorious stained glass window. Be like a beautiful bowl that was pieced back together with intentionality and love. Be like any shattered thing that was put back together. And then go on to put other shattered things back together, even if you do it clumsily. Because shattered things that were repaired are some of the most beautiful things in this world you'll ever find.

If you only knew just how much courage it takes me every day to write to you. If only you knew how much resolve it takes to do the work of putting the shattered pieces of my own voice back together, after years of being silenced and being told who I'm supposed to be by people who didn't have my best interests at heart. If only you knew how much strength it takes, after decades of abuse and decades of being taught that my "stupid, weak-ass thoughts and feelings don't fucking matter to anyone", and decades of being taught that nothing I say or do makes any difference anywhere, to put my still-awkward voice in spaces where I know I'm gonna get hurt or ignored.

If you knew, then maybe you'd understand why I write about repairing broken things as though it is the most important thing there is. If you knew, then maybe you'd understand why I hold out my hand to you and call you so fervently to get up off your knees and do this work upon yourself; the darkness doesn't suit you, and there are plenty of people around who would help you. I'm such a one.

I don't know if it's hard for you to understand. So instead I'll show you that shattered bowls can still hold soup. Just you watch. Please stay safe until I get to show you. Please remember that you are loved; otherwise I wouldn't be trying so hard every day to reach you.

I'm going to write to you again tomorrow, with the same shaky, awkward voice with which I've been writing to you so far. Because it doesn't have to be perfect to be worthwhile; shattered minds, hearts, and voices can still hold goodwill, compassion, and love.

Your friend, Lumine

[cycloptics]

This is basically a diary entry that gets dark but maybe it’s onto something? I needed it okay

Basically I’m just talking about art and being autistic and quitting my job after hitting burnout

And also some personal traumatic shit I guess

Please don’t feel inclined to read this if you don’t want to I think I just needed to put out my real fucking feelings into the world ya know?

Something really crazy has happened since I hit burnout.

I spent forever hating every piece of art I did, whether it was painting, drawing, or nail art. I’ve hated all of it, never thought I was good enough. I still don’t, of course, but I do atleast feel like I see potential during the process.

But now, since I’ve got the support of people who love my work, or love me, I’m able to look at it again (after a break of hyperfocus) and I can say “okay.. wow, that’s pretty good. I like that.” And that’s fucking HUGE! But what’s even crazier is I looked back and old work I did, work that sat in my sketchbooks abandoned forever, and I am like holy shit. I did that. And I love that.

I painted this in 2019-2020, I’m not even sure when, but I remember being in my apartment, I remember this being one of those pieces where I was desperate to make art. I desperately looked for ways to make a living doing art, just so I’d be able to paint. I bought a Wacom pen and a laptop, I was determined to learn digital art.. and I hated it. Then I bought an iPad and Apple Pencil, still didn’t love digital art. Then someone said “you should do nails” and I thought it was perfect. Then I went to school and did that. Worked my ass off. Went to the best salon in my area and worked there, killing myself and burning myself out in the process, trying to be perfect.

**TW: death, PTSD, loss of a pet, loss of a parent, hospitals**

Then my cat got sick, and even though I syringe fed him prescription food and cat pedialyte, gave him meds, and tried everything, he died.

Then a week later my dad tore his Achilles and ended up in the hospital with 2 DVTs and a PE. He then fought for 2 months to stay alive for us. I watched my dad code and survive multiple times, spent Christmas in ICU with him on a bipap to breathe, watched him lose his fucking mind, praying to god, almost fighting god, seizing, shaking, crying, desperately kissing me and my brothers heads while not being able to say anything other than beg god. I tried everything I could to bring his mind back, because it was my dads biggest fuckin fear was losing his mind. I brought pictures and showed him.. the guilt I feel for going to work while my dad was in the fucking hospital. The calls I got. The way he begged me to break him out of there, and I will always regret not doing that. I’ll never forget it the faces my dad made, the sounds he made, when delirium took over and he was so scared, and looked nothing like himself. Covered head to toe in bruises and restrained to the bed, because they tried to put a Bipap on him when he was sleeping. I’ll never forget seeing how broken my dad was, a man who was so prideful and stubborn, and whose biggest nightmare came true when his youngest daughter had to help him use the bathroom. The way my dad never wanted to seem weak, and the way my stepmom humiliated him. The way she made him sound so pathetic to the doctors that they gave him too much oxygen constantly, because she said he couldn’t do anything without almost suffocating. The way she lied and said he was on 2 liters every night, because that’s how she got her oxygen. She was on 2 liters. My dad refused to use it. The way that him getting too much oxygen made his COPD worse. How that’s what ended up being the cause of death. Not the blood clots that I was so terrified of, that it was COPD. I’ll never forget New Year’s Day and me having full blown OCD had texted everyone in my family begging them not to do laundry because it would mean my dad would die, and finding out my stepmom did laundry because she isn’t superstitious.. then that day finding out my dad was never gonna make it out. I’ll never forget moving to comfort care, and trying to make sure my dad heard all his favorite songs as we all said goodbye to him, or the fact that when it came down to it, my dad was taken off of everything and still refused to die in front of his kids. That my brother made us leave. And he died soon after we left the room. I’ll never forget falling asleep and swearing I’d hear his voice. Crying to Al green in my car. Going fully nonverbal after he died. I thought I knew death because my mom died, but I was wrong. I didn’t know death was so fucking UGLY.

Probably the worst part of death is finding out that it’s so fucking gutwrenchingly ugly. it’s so rarely peaceful. The portrayals I saw of it or heard of it, those were coping mechanisms from grieving people just hiding the reality of it.

I also can’t forgive my stepmom for cremating my dad when he had a literal plot next to my mom, with a headstone my grandfather carved (family biz was monuments) or the fact that she told everyone he didn’t want a funeral.

My dad would never have deprived his kids of the opportunity to grieve him properly.

So I don’t have his ashes, we never did any service, and I’m still pretty fucking fucked up from it.

Then two weeks later one of my best friends died, she was the same age my mom was, with kids the same ages me and my brothers were when my mom died, and she died suddenly with no warning, just like my mom. Her parents called me to tell me. Her dad a week before had reached out to see how I was doing when my dad passed. The universe really is funny that way.

Then another friend died, liver failure. Fucking what? And I couldn’t go to that funeral because I had to work, and I had already taken off too much time for all the other deaths. Couldn’t be the sad employee with all the dead friends and family members apparently. And it gnawed at me that I let work keep me from being with my dad when he was dying, that I missed a funeral because of the pressure to be at work, that I was having breakdowns during nail appointments and only heard about how fucking slow I was.

So I quit my fuckin job. And I regret nothing.

Am I broke as fuck? YES. Have I figured out how to make money for real? Nope. Have I listed anything? Nope. But I will.

Because burnout really taught me that I know what my real passion is in life and what makes me happy, and it’s fucking paint. And art supplies. And doodles. And hyper focusing on something and picking it apart for hours and not having someone over my shoulder telling me I’m too slow, or it’s not good enough.

I’m still in burnout, but if I didn’t hit it, I’d never have allowed myself to heal. I’d never have let myself focus on my actual needs, because I never let them matter. Just had to be a machine that did perfect work to make money for others while I took enough to pay my bills.

And tbh, I’m fine with only getting by, as long as I am doing something I actually enjoy.

Anyway. This started about me realizing that I don’t absolutely suck at art, but I think I really just needed to let out all of these feelings without worrying about anyone else’s. I people pleased through grief. What a dumb thing to do. Fuck masking. Fuck it. I’m done.

[87dvhnk]

black women love to scream about how they're being killed and no one cares, but if you ask them who's killing them, they get real persnickety; and if you attempt to do something about it, they scream "racist," so. i would say big time shrug, but unfortunately multiple instances of violence and two attempts on my life (one by a black women, who tried to burn me alive) forbid me from being naive and innate dignity forbids me from playing stupid.

like with anything, you want to suffer? you want to die? fine. your kink is not my kink. suicide is a human right. you try to drag me or new life into it? we have a problem.

intersectionality was a mistake.

it's like feminists don't remember the racial clusterfuck before trannies got big. they don't remember the mccarthyite accusations of racism. the changing of literal dictionary definitions, and the attacking of women who who didn't agree with the change. the censorship of crime statistics and moral condemnation of anyone who didn't jump in line in loud denial of. the deification of criminals, who were in fact innocent little lambs. the media being lock in step with all the bullshit. before shewon.com, there was white girl bleed a lot. the author is dead now, by the way, and was always male, but the fact of the matter is that the author had to be male, because a woman would have been torn to shreds by other women and leftist moids for documenting the same thing, so his y chromosome was forgivable if grating. by the way, none of his shit still exists on youtube anymore due to censorship picking up a few years ago. you will never comprehend how much youtube got rid of. the degree of censorship is incomprehensible if you only hovered on the good and moral correct and god-lighted shit.

this is what i mean when i say the current hyperfocus on trans rights is like a laser light used on an animal for women, giving a false sense of clear-sighted unity, but when if it is removed, just like before it existed in the mainstream, women will be like they were: at each others' throats. women really should be at each other's throats, considering their fundamentally incompatible politics. women who vote for "restorative justice" want me dead just as much as women who vote for sexual predators to have free access to women's spaces, and i'd be a fool to not react in kind.

ovarit, the single bastion of feminist thought on the internet (not discussing lc, which is it's own post), made after reddit banned gendercritical, has barely anyone left after years and years of mass bans for unacceptable speech, unacceptable speech being discussion, however gentle, of race. that was until the palestinians fought back againt israeli genocide, of course, and it became open season to shit on arab and muslim men, for which one infamous user was specifically banned for many years ago. (not black men, though. still get banned.) it's incredible how many threads there are with little engagement and then a barrage of deleted comment deleted comment, deleted comment, deleted comment, deleted comments. just like reddit.

censorship is a woman thing. men amongst themselves never censor. women amongst themselves always do. you can't cry when it comes back to bite you in the ass, but you sure as fuck will.

women, and feminists in particular, have the memory spans of goldfish and the spines of boiling gelatin.

[decodedlvr]

The thing that’s annoying is that any one of those writers could have been the one caught “liking” posts by that account, because everyone and their mom likes shit without always diligently checking the tags/warnings/the entirely of that pages master list for dubious content. And I remember after all this went off some of the fics on that account were regular ass fics, or regular dark fics, yet some people were blocked for interacting with that page at ALL, even the normal fics. It’s by pure LUCK that some people were not caught out for liking some random persons fic without knowing the content was dubious. And I’m willing to guess people have gotten VERY lax about reading warnings since. Nobody should pretend they’ve spent the entirety of their time in the fandom vetting every single thing they’ve “liked” as a form of bookmarking. It could have happened to ANYONE and they don’t want to admit that.

And another thing I’ve noticed, I went on my own block spree after this all went down and had to stop because there were hundreds if not thousands of people interacting with that pages fics and with that blog. There’s also mostly white people in this fandom. But you know what I noticed? People hyper focused on you, as well as two other blogs who I won’t name bc idk if they’d be comfortable dredging all this up again, who openly state are black/poc/mixed. There were WELL over 600 people blocked but people *specifically* were only bringing up the poc blogs - why? And this isn’t to say poc get a pass on accidentally interacting w dubious shit but WHY THE HYPERFOCUS on the VERY FEW OPENLY POC in this fandom? Out of the HUNDREDS of white people who interacted on that blog? There were even people commenting who KNEW what the content was and was specifically commenting and naming that they liked it for that specific reason, why not name THOSE blogs instead? But no, they gathered the specific names of blogs that openly state they’re poc, in a fandom where the number of poc is extremely small, and publicly AND “privately”(discords) choose to drag them through the mud. Some of those accounts didn’t do shit except like one of the normal fics from that page that wasn’t one of the ones that were fucked up. And I’m not saying that blocking any accounts interacting w that page is wrong, not at all, I’m saying WHY WERE THEY SPECIFICALLY ONLY NAMING AND SHAMING THE POC BLOGS. ALL THREE specifically say “black/mixed/poc” in the header/bio.

You isn’t have to post this, but if you do I know people probably won’t(or pretend not to) get what it is I’m pointing out here. But once again out of ALL the white people that were interacting with that page, AND GIVEN THAT THIS FANDOM IS PRIMARILY MADE UP OF WHITE PEOPLE IT WAS MOSTLY WHITE PEOPLE, it’s three poc that were specially getting named over and over again and being made an example of. While the white people that did get forgotten about.

Tbh the main thing I’ve noticed, is that when there are people or friends that believe and know you as a person, wouldn’t bother standing up for you because then they’d lose their own friends.

they would rather not share with people who are actually innocent and made a mistake in this situation vs them not losing their own status. It’s sad. Some get to walk away, and some are stuck living with it. Some just sit back and watch, and that’s just as bad

They’ve got my name on lockdown that’s for sure. And there’s no escaping it

[son-of-drogo]

The Naval Treaty

-Hell yeah cream suit time!

-No but Holmes looks pretty with his hair down.

-Watson is trying not to smile.

-He grin.

-Aww Watson loves him so much!

-"For a moment I thought you did something clever." How to get on Sherlock Holmes' shit list.

-Ok is it just me or is Tadpole kinda cute?

-"Prrray continue, Mr. Phelps."

-I think I have a thing for mustaches.

-Phelps' dressing gown is pretty. I want one.

-Oof Anxiety attack

-Ugh Jeremy Brett is so prettyyyyy

-So brain fever=mental breakdown.

-Ah, yes the rose speech 💕💕💕

-Miss Harrison is like "I've had enough of this bullshit."

-Love how Holmes just springs into the cab.

-Oooo! The boys are fancy!

-Watson trying not to laugh out loud.

-Ok but Watson has a nice smile.

-Woo hoo! Cream suit!

-Idk how that suit was pristine at the end of the episode. I would have spilled something on it 2 seconds after putting it on.

-He nap

-Dude did he just call his future brother in law "the invalid?" What a dick!

-Sherlock knows the cabbies' names that's so sweet!

-Oh no! He has a boo boo! Watson will kiss it better. 💕💕💕

-Did he put a flower in his lapel button?

-Watson: You had adventures without me? 🥺🥺

-Tadpole's gonna pass out he's so excited.

-A TOUCH of the dramatic? A TOUCH??!! Buddy.

-You'd have to take me to the hospital if I tried to hide in a pile of hay.

-Joseph is such a piece of shit.

-Sherlock Holmes: Work smarter not harder.

The Solitary Cyclist

-Still sad they didn't put Violet Smith in a cycling suit.

-Holmes is in hyperfocus and Mrs. H keeps interrupting.

-Oooo! New hyperfixation!

-Hes so gentle and respectful when touching Violet.

-The Old Imperial= Date night spot.

-Creepiest of men

-Shut up Temu Mark Train.

-Pretty house

-I would've kneed Woodley in the groin if he pulled that shit on me.

-Face, meet candelabra.

-Perfect gentleman??? He tried to trick her into marrying him for her money!

-you ever just wanna touch someone's hair?

-Get his ass Violet!

-I love when they bicker

-"Have I really done remarkably badly?" "Yes!"

-Can everyone stop hitting on Miss Smith?

-Watson: Oh shit he heard me!

-Williamson: I'm washing me and my clothes!

-Ooooo! It's ass whooping time!

-Weekends

-Lol I love that damn was seen as a word you weren't supposed to say in a pub.

-See I would've backed off if I saw a guy using actual boxing moves but Woodley is fucking stupid.

"-Lol Holmes is giving this guy a lecture about being a gentleman while kicking his ass.

-Watson: How was your day?

Holmes: Great! I got in a bar fight! UWU

-"Good man!" The way he looks at Watson

-I'm sorry but what's a jingo?

-Yeah that's not a legal wedding.

-"No she's your widow." Badass line.

-Holmes: Sit your ass down!

-Yep, can't marry people against their will.

-Damn right she would have left you!

-Oof if Sherlock Holmes glared at me like that, I'd cry.

-Creeps

-druggggssss

-pretty sure the only reason Caruthers got any kind of lighter treatment was because he had a kid and wasn't a bad parent.

-Days since Holmes and Watson tried to poison themselves with a chemical experiment: 0

So I saw someone else was taking notes while watching the Granada series and I decided to do the same:

Scandal in Bohemia

-No dude, do you know how expensive commissioned art is?

-Shoot his ass Irene 💕💕💕

-If she weren't married...

-Watson💕💕💕

-Mrs. Hudson 💕💕💕

-Nooo! Let Watson eat!

- Lol u want some cocaine babe? -Sherlock Holmes

-Rip Sherlock Holmes, you woulda loved Adderall

-Goddammit Jeremy, why are you so pretty?

-Gotta pretty myself up for Wat the king

-Holmes every time Watson deduces: 🥰

-"I am lost without my Boswell" 🥰

-you know they made fun of the king's outfit after he left

-Oh yeah, a mask over your eyes is totally gonna hide your identity. (Sarcasm)

-you literally have royal portraits, dumbass.

-the moral of the story is: if you're gonna do sketchy shit, don't photograph it.

-And respect women.

-Holmes@the king: You are so fucking stupid.

-HORSIE

-God, quit manspreading on my sofa -Holmes probably

-Buddy that sounds life a you problem.

-Irene in a tux could step on me

-God that outfit is so fucking stupid

-Hell yeah fancy restaurant date night!

-Lol Sherlock looks like a bunch of kids are gonna steal his lucky charms.

-Leave Britney Irene alone!

-Watson: But you're gay!

-Aww, they love each other!

-I just love how goddamn weird Sherlock is.

-"Rrrrrequire"

-The cause is NOT excellent.

-Irene: Okay what the fuck?

-Jeremy Brett dramatically yelling "fire!"

-oof she figured it out.

-Oh my God Holmes you dumbass

-Oh my God the outfit is when worse with the hat

-Housekeeper is trying not to smile

-You've been bamboozled!

-Oh he feels bad for tricking her

-her dress is so prettyyyy

-Yass bitch, get your happily ever after!

-She's a queen, just not your queen, bitch.

-imho she served way too much cunt to be with the king

-Holmes is just so fucking delighted that a woman outsmarted him.

The Dancing Men

-such a good husband💕💕💕

-He just wants to helpppp!

-Poor Elsie is having an anxiety attack

-Look at the gays, in their flat.

-Holmes trying to impress his boyfr-I mean flatmate (level easy)

-🎶"bum bum bum bum"🎶

-PAH!

-I love them so much

-Watson being a little shit 💕💕💕

-Just these gay cunts

-Jeremy had nice hands

-Hilton, we love you, but we don't need your whole life story.

-"She tired of America" me too bitch, me too.

-Ahh Elsie is so pretty!

-*Sobbing" Hilton and Elsie are so cute!

-This episode owes me restitution.

-I would die for this woman.

-He just loves her so much

-One of the few good dudes in the series.

-Everybody's so pretty, I'm too bisexual for this!

-Watson just hesitantly reaching for Holmes' monogram on cyphers.

-Fantastic mustache 10/10

-communication is important

-Babe, tell him your stalker is after your, he'll understand.

-Bush full of lads

-Oh he saw Watson sneaking the monogram back.

-God Watson tries so hard to get Holmes to eat.

-Say no to drugs! And yes to solving weird crimes.

-Poor woman just wanted to go no contact

-He jump the couch

-Holmes in straight up fucking shock

-Watson give your man a hug

-Kryten💕💕💕

-IMHO every house should have a murder room

-Watson suggesting to Holmes to ask Mrs. King to sit down.

-Hilton just wanted to be a good husband and he got killed for it.

-Inspector Kryten fangirling over Sherlock Holmes

-"Eldrrrrridges"

-Oh Holmes is checking Watson out

-That stupid fucking hat

-It's giving Arby's

-that's a whole lotta mustache

-She doesn't love you, Arby's man.

-Ugh, possessive men make me gag

-Take the hint Arby's!

-Arby's: Can I see her?

Watson: Hell no you fucking can't!

[mapleshmaple]

,.,

[alexoreality]

Ok so I had an idea about One Piece that got stuck in mind and I need to tell someone.

So the idea Spider-man x One Piece or literally Peter ending up in the Sunny after some multiverse shenanigans. Why this idea, well for some time now I thought that Peter and Luffy were similar in many ways (that could just be me and my biased ass) like, both are teenagers who want to follows there dreams and be free but got ways to much trauma but still continu to smile as if nothings happened, both surrounded themselves with trusted friends and family, both are afraid of being alone, both are very good to read other people and give second chances and in both of there own fandoms are seen as clown jesus and sunshines.

But anyways Peter need some serious therapy (since fuck No Way Home and what it did to my feeling and my hearts) in the form of an hyperactive rubberman. And Luffy while also get therapy by this spidery nerd even if he like it or not.

Plus an things for this popped in my mind before I feel asleep:

One positively starve-touched enhanced teenager that will stick to you till he consciously let go + another positively starve-touched rubber enhanced teenager that will wrap his arms around you multiple time like an octopus = Ultimate cuddles buddies :D !!!

Ok that all sorry if that seems a lot but I really need to tell someone from the One Piece fandom since I restarted to hyperfocus on it some days ago.

omfg yes

Zoro: what do you have there Luffy?

Luffy, with Peter full on suit and hiding behind him: a smoothie

[centuriantalevevo]

Eyo so-

Since I have ADHD and Mysta has ADHD it's self projecting time!!!

Mysta Rias and Reader with ADHD

Mysta wasn't surprised when you told him- actually the entirety of Luxiem- Shoto already knew.

Mysta just had a feeling... Something was definitely off about you unlike the others- like him!

Everyone got an answer one way while you got the same answer doing it a whole different way- like how did you even get that?! Only Mysta can truly understand that feeling-

He wasn't too good at catching himself when he went of track but he was good at catching you straying away from the original subject.

It's why he felt so comfortable just talking around you. With a lot of people, I always tried to stay overly conscious about what he was saying, he didn't wanna stray away into 5 subjects at once and throw everyone off... that happened a lot. No one was able to keep up- but with you, he could go through 5 subjects in 1 minute and you could keep up the ENTIRE time, even going ahead of him.

It mostly was brought up when Luca asked.

"Oh, ya! I have ADHD!"

"Oh shit, really? Mysta does too I think," Vox comments, "For some reason I had a hunch you were neurodivergent in some way..." Mysta said

But with that came the struggles. But struggles both of you could relate to, so it didn't feel as lonely.

Both of you had a tendency to talk over others on accident. The impulsivity that comes with ADHD causes this. Yeah, yeah, neurotypical people do this too, but not nearly as much. For ADHD, it can affect personal relationships, just like any other symptom of ADHD.

Both of you have a small ass attention span, and you commend Mysta for people able to play the whole game of The Quarry, or Minecraft for even 5 minutes on his own. You loved games with puzzles and stuff, like Madison since it was horror... but you had a small amount of patience and even less for focus so for finding the damn green safe passcode, you opted for looking it up on Google over actually finding it-

You and Mysta help each other with getting work done- usually it seems like Mysta's the one doing the reminding. Hell sometimes he'll stream while you're in VC with him since you were doing something like homework. If he heard what sounded like you going off track, he was instantly nudging you back to your work until you got it done. You did the same for him. If he had some shit to do but was procrastinating, you'd push him back on track.

Hyperactive episodes are wild when you got 2 people with ADHD in the room-

You two will rage at the faking disorder cringe compilations for HOURS... you two will MALD over people who fake ADHD so much Jesus christ-

"NO- IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS ADHD I'M MORE THAN 110% SURE SHE WON'T GET HYPER ON COFFEE!!" "Yeah!!"

"THAT'S WHY SHIT LIKE ADDERALL AND VYVANSE CALM US DOWN BUT MAKES ANYONE WHO DOESNT HAVE ADHD HYper- I physically can not get a sugar rush- I've never had a sugar rush in my life!!" "Exactly! Caffeine doesn't do shit to us... like if she were to have something similar to ADHD then you mean ADD... because people with ADD get hyper from shit like Adderall. It has the opposite affect on people without ADHD!" "That's why it's so addicting too!"

Mysta would gladly listen to you ramble about your hyperfixations, obviously jumping in with a comment here or there.

You'd do the same, and if you both shared the same hyperfixation at that moment? Oh boy... silence doesn't exist-

You're both patient with each other.

You know you have to get work done but Mysta won't shut the fuck up about something, you get his attention and gently remind him you need to get something done before the hyperfocus wears off- he understands and fucks off to do something else for a little bit until you're done. If you're rambling off about whatever the fuck, the does the same.

"I'm sorry but I gotta get this done! I'll talk to you and listen in a little okay? I love you!~"

But oh jesus christ what is a clean room honestly-

Organization? What??

Organizer? I hardly even know 'er-

Both of your rooms are a death trap.

Who's is worse? We don't know. We can't tell. We're too afraid to get close to either person's room door.

But sometimes you band together with that hyperfocus mentality currently affecting you and get y'all's rooms cleaned one by one...

But it ain't staying like that for long...

It's fucked up in a week max

Usually in 2 days it's back to the way it was. Honestly what was the point? We don't know- but "Hey! I found my Miku pop figure I was looking for!!"

With impulsivity comes great spending habits lmao-

Between the two you MIGHT be better-

If you exclude thr 100 dollars you spent using Christmas to get Xiao when you lost his 50/50 to Diluc

But you are bad about spending small amounts of money on the stupidest shut you find online or in somewhere like Walmart or Target-

Only like 4 dollars but still-

You when to Walmart with the intent on getting groceries but came back with toys that you for distracted by, 2 gallons of Milo's Sweet Tea (or unsweetened if you're uncultured- fuck unsweet tea, this post was made by the sweet tea gang-), candy, some random ass kids art supplies, the kids gummy vitamins, and more random candy you got at the check out counter... as well as McDonald's.

"(Y/n) that's... that's not groceries.." "technically it IS groceries!-" "not the ones we needed though! You can nOT be trusted!" "YoU CAN'T EITHER-"

Y'all spent the next like 3 hours playing with Legos and shit bro-

Mysta on his way to try and clean his room but ended up finding some old pictures and stuff he forgot about.. you walked in and ended up joining him.

Please anything but the actual task I have to do-

When you have conversations and go from topic A to topic 10 in 5 minutes people ask how and then proceed to be amazed at how you do mental gymnastics all the way from how the conversation began to how it finished flawlessly and Mysta's just there like "yep... sounds about right"

How do you even remember what our conversation what about?!-

.... ssshhhh... don't question the ways of the neurodivergents...

ADHD isn't fun, but it can be more bearable when someone who can relate is around to talk about it and you help each other through it.

[the-moon-at-zenith]

on the note of neurodivergency

i'm literally an impulsive mess with no sense of danger, and i may acknowledge consequences but do the shit anyways because of the above traits

i'm a blabber and the let's-do-this-cursed-thing person at the party who then hermits for half a year

i forget appointments and b-days bc on THE day it never occurs to me what day that is. i forget to eat or pee when i'm invested in the thing i'm doing. and yet when not in hyperfocus, a single distractor will send me out of the zone for hours

i get overwhelmed when too many ppl are speaking. i can't stand the buzz of lamps and live in the dusk of my bedroom. sometimes a feeling of fabric on my skin makes me wanna scream

i'm often clumsy as in have no spacial awareness and bump into things (poor proprioception duh). i have a flexible sense of self and am rebellious with the rules i don't get, e.g. i consider gender a scam (but respect gender identity)

i enjoy company in meticulously calculated doses, or i get burnt out

and i have an interest-based brain which makes most learning, time-management, and habit development "strategies" designed for importance-based brains literal trash for me

disabilities affect who we are and how we live

i am ADHDer and autistic bc these conditions literally make me who i am as a person

[in advance: thanks for your post, OP!]

[also i'm speaking of mental disabilities as these are the ones i can speak of from experience; still, i don't by any means nean to shut out ppl with physical disabilities from being able to identify with and relate to the statement]

speaking of mental diseases? (tw: suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behavior, eating disorder, addiction, self-harm; a hopeful ending though)

i'm a survivor and a fighter even when it looks like i'm lying down playing dead

when a friend of mine said “oh hey why are you identify yourself through depression? and is medication rly necessary? i took antidepressants for a while, got them from a friend, it was such a nice feeling, like being slightly high all the time," he stopped being my friend for not listening when i literally said "pills help me not wanna kill myself and i can shower once a week." they made your ass high because they weren't fucking meant for you, asshole

when i was depressed, i used to abuse substances, drink drink drink never eat or eat and then get bulimic and then drink spirits again, and engage in dangerous behaviors

i've learnt to cope better with it over the years because i was also a person who went to therapy bc if i could end it all at any given time, i could give pills and talk a try bc nothing rly mattered anymore and i'm in control now so why the fuck not

i'm the person who didn't (and still doesn't) jump, as my friend put it, i'm a depression survivor every time i have it

not to say that road wasn't (or isn't still) bumpy, i continued abusing alcohol and weed for a looong while alongside medicating bc that's what helped me stay afloat at the time when therapy wasn't available - until it didn't and i quit - with a whole row of relapses but still managed after all (i sure don't recomment using and drinking while on meds, everyone's bodies are different and someone's can react badly to such a mix; but you're not bad for not wanting or not being ready to quit, or for relapsing for that matter)

so when i'm depressed now i'm someone who acknowledges that while depressed, my brain straight-up lies to me. i still struggle with suicidal thoughts but i've learned to see them for what they are - chemicals disbalance and a shitty situation in my life which i somehow need to sort out so that my brain stops telling me that self-destruction is our only option; and pills (and talk, if available) are gonna give me that little boost to get through with the needed change or just to wait out the storm. and i get my overachieving ass a whole LOT of slack, lie down and nap a lot. that's what self-care looks like for me.

i also know that a depressed brain forgets 50-75% of the events that happen because the condition steals your memory (and with ADHD i already live in the present mostly bc past is vague and future isn't real) to the point where you forget not only the depressed period but what happiness had even felt like before so it seems surreal. so i remind myself that contentment and pleasure from doing things aren't made-up, i just forgot how they feel, and one day i'll feel them again

i'm also the person who's open abt all my conditions with ppl in my circles as i don't wanna ppl get offended bc of me not socializing for eternity cause i don't have energy/ hybernate/ count my spoons. and when i do speak abt it, i don't educate ppl anymore bc it's taxing for me. educate yourself if you feel that you still wanna be invested in our friendship, i'm not doing that extra work for ya

i'm even open abt my depression at work (i have this privilege) so i asked for reduction of my office days and work from home most of the week. i've learnt to ask for accomodations

so i'm a recurrently depressed person too, which means that yeah, i'm a survivor and a fighter - and it's important for me to keep these parts of my identity in mind esp when i'm down

i'm down but not defeated, so i will lie down for as long as it takes (a month, a year, whatever) and then one day i'll start crawling, and then even making small steps with my own two legs

Stop telling disabled people to "stop making their disability their personality".

For starters, who cares if they do make it their personality? People with disabilities literally fight tooth and nail for everything in their lives. If "making it their personality" makes them feel a bit better, let them.

Besides that, disabilities kind of have to be your personality, considering the fact they literally disable you. It literally effects your life, which effects the way you do literally everything.

Suck it up, people talking about their disabilities isn't the end of the world.

[miekasa]

mie….could we please get college au eren headcanons👉🏽👈🏽

Of course. I’m always thinking about his big head anyway <33 might as well put it good use.

One thing he learned in college is how to make his hyperfocus/fixation episodes work for him; that’s why he schedules all his classes as close together as possible. He’d rather have class back to back for 5 hours, than have it spread out with hours in between lectures, because that increases his changes of cutting.

You can always tell when he’s in class and/or what class he’s in by how much he responds to your messages. If he doesn’t text back at all, he’s in a class that hard or one he enjoys, or both. But if he’s sending you iMessage games, then you know he’s in his elective that he couldn’t care else about (and is probably cheating in someway somehow lmfao). 

He usually puts his phone on dnd when he’s in a class that’s important, but you’re in his favorite contacts, so your messages always ring through. What if it’s an emergency and you need him for something? Advanced Roots of Human Biology can wait. 

Some days there are one or two our breaks between his lectures, that’s just how the scheduling works out. When that happens, he usually sneaks into one of your lectures, or goes to your place to take a nap. Your roommates have become accustomed to him, honestly they’ve been considering giving him a key. 

Once, he didn’t realize that your lecture was basically a seminar, with you, the prof and maybe six other students. He still stayed lmao, and the prof was so amazed by his dedication, that she didn’t even mind. Occasionally, you’ll catch the two of them talking after lecture. It’s pretty cute the way she’s adopted him into the class even tho he’s not on the roster. 

You... have to show him where the library is lmfao. He genuinely has not stepped foot in one until you bring him to one. He likes it tho lmao once he gets used to it. 

Speaking of which, do not give him standard directions to find your classes on campus because all you’ll get is, “Babe, I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’ve never heard of the ‘West Quad’ a day in my life. What building are you near.”

He usually comes to see you in the library after all his lectures are done for the day. Sometimes he does homework, sometimes he’s just fucking around on his computer, sometimes he’s just bothering you. When you have to leave to go to class, he stays behind to watch your stuff so you don’t have to pack everything up and come back. 

Very protective when it comes to keeping your seat for you. No, you cannot take that chair to your table you good for nothing freshman; it’s reserved for you. 

He’ll drag you out of the library if you’ve been cooped up all day, tho. Eren will use his height and his strength against you to get you up. Placates you with kisses when he sees your angry expression, and promises to buy you food.

He takes your backpack for you when you’re walking together,m. His backpack is frustratingly light all the time, even during midterms. You swear all he’s got in there is a pencil and some flashcards. 

If you have night classes, he sticks around to walk you home after, especially in the winter when it gets dark faster. If he’s not already on campus, he’ll walk/drive back to meet you; he just doesn’t like you going home alone. Even if your friend/roommate is in the class with you, Eren will walk or drive the both of you home for his own sanity. 

He plays sports, so he usually has practice most evenings, but he’ll find a way to make time. If practice was particularly brutal, he’ll probably crash at your place.

He loves it when you come to meet him after practice. His whole face lights up and he waves obnoxiously, before he gathers up his stuff and all but sprints towards you. You get a cold water bottle to the face, or a bit of water splashed on you usually, which he takes immense amusement in. 

He knows it’s not possible for you to make it to all of his games, and usually it doesn’t bother him much; you’ve got your own life, and work to worry about. All he asks is that you wear his jersey, or any item of his sports apparel/merch on game day (he’s partial to hoodies).

By the time junior year rolls around, he’s not all that interested in attending parties that aren’t hosted by your friends; so, unless it’s at Connie, Jean, or Reiner and Bertholdt’s place, Eren will usually decline. Even team parties, he’s not crazy about unless it’s to celebrate a championship or something. He’d much rather celebrate with you. 

He does get excited about hosting parties though, and he and Jean become pretty damn good co-hosts. They don’t throw ragers, and that’s probably why Eren likes it so much. It’s usually your friend group and a couple plus ones, some good music, games, weed, and take-out. 

He’ll buy you coffee whenever you ask for it. The first time, he just orders something plain, not really knowing the difference between anything; but give it two or three tries, and he’ll get it perfect. He becomes so good that he can order you something new/different and you’ll love it. 

That’s kind of the start of his own coffee addiction, and more often than not, when he buys you a cup, he’s on his second or third of the day himself. The flavor has really grown on him, okay. 

He much prefers your apartment, but on occasion, he’ll ask you to come to his. You’ve been studying for so long, a change of environment should do you good, he claims. He’s a fucking liar tho because that’s all Eren Talk for “I do genuinely want you to come over, but my plans are to coerce you out of doing your assignments and doing me instead.”

Lmfao he adds you on Apple Watch Rings just so you can see him close his rings every day and laugh at you. Even if yours get closed by virtue of walking around campus or working out or whatever, his numbers are stupidly high because he fucking has practice at least 4 days of the week. 

Of course when you’re running on a soccer field for 2 hours every day, you close your Move Ring five times, Eren. Leave the rest of us alone. 

He buys you guys matching accessories for your keychains. It’s something pretty cute, and slightly random, but it reminded him of you. It also serves as a reminder to himself to take his fucking keys with him when he leaves his house. 

He sleeps like a fucking rock, so do not let him fall asleep in the library. Waking him up is a mission, and he’s never happy to be woken up. He looks kinda cute tho. 

He schedules dates for you and his friends. Usually by accident, but hear me out. Sometimes he’ll make plans with Armin, then forget that he has class or a test or something; so his solution is to text you, “hey, i forgot min and i were supposed to go some aquarium tomorrow but i have a midterm so here’s the pdf of my ticket, go with him for me, thanks babe love u” then, boop, you and Armin have an aquarium date Friday evening. 

The same thing happens with Mikasa, though, she usually catches the scheduling conflict before Eren does, and invites you out herself. You and Mikasa hang out quite a bit anyway, so it comes to the point where she tells you when she’s gonna hang out with Eren, so you can make yourself free for when he inevitably remember he has a game that day. 

Mikasa is most amazed that you’ve put up with Eren this long lmao. You’ve certainly lessened her Eren & Armin babysitting hours, and for that she’s eternally grateful. Also, she’s just happy to have another close friend. She loves Eren and Armin, but they’re not the most social beings, and she was literally their only friend besides the other for all their childhood PLEASE she’s so happy you’re around. 

It’s Mikasa, however, who babysits you and Eren whenever you both get too drunk. Says you guys are two peas in a pod (affectionate<2)

If you tell Eren something important that happened, like an internship you got, or a good grade in a class, or something, he usually relays that information to his mom pls. He texts her every day, and if she doesn’t ask for an update on you first, he gives her one.

Carla calls you sometimes, too. At least once every few weeks, just to check on you herself. She really likes you for Eren, and is grateful someone is willing to put up with her hotheaded son. 

Eren’s always using your fucking chapstick. Always. You know he has his own, so why he needs to use yours is beyond you. Finds time to make some dumbass comment about how it’s an “indirect kiss” every time he uses it too. Like bro, we’re dating, and have had many direct kisses why are you like this.

He posts on Instagram every few weeks or so, but you’re on his story every few days. Usually, it’s just a video of you minding your business and doing your work while Eren slowly zooms in before making some loud noise to surprise you, all so he can get your reaction on video and laugh at it. He’s annoying. 

He’s a bit of a copycat when it comes to the products you use. He’ll buy the same brand of pens as you (for that matter, all of his school supplies mirror yours because what does he know about the difference between A4 and A5 notebooks?), put a little hand sanitizer on his backpack like yours (and a lotion, too, for good measure), he even copies your Starbucks order until he finds one he likes for himself. It’s one of his love languages <3

If you’re wondering where your eyelash curler went, Eren stole it to try it on himself, hurt himself, vowed to never use it again, went back because he wanted to “do it right and not give up,” liked the results when he didn’t pinch his eyelid, and now it’s his. 

That being said, stop trying to put your Fenty lipgloss on him, it’s never going to happen. Eye makeup, maybe, only if you sit in his lap and he can have his hands on your ass while you do it. 

What he does love is letting you do his skincare. He will set aside dedicated skincare nights, he adores it. Easily one of his favorite things ever. 

You have his wallet. Not because he’s your sugar daddy or anything (although, if you want something, he’d definitely let you use his card to get it; and even if you bought something without asking, he wouldn’t think twice about it), but because he put it in your bag once and never took it out. 

When you tried to give it back, he just shook his head and told you to keep it, “I have my ID in my phone case anyway, and you’re less likely to lose it. Plus I put all my cards on Apple Pay, so I’m good.”

When you do make it to a game of his, he’s all over you when it’s over. Not in a cocky athlete boyfriend kind of way; in a very sleepy boyfriend kind of way. He’s usually got ice on at least one part of his body, and he’s got half his body weight on you as you walk to the car. 

By the time you guys get back to your place, he’s practically sleep walking. The only thing on his mind is taking a hot shower to soothe his muscles, and heading to bed. The aftermath of game days aren’t all that bad though, because even if you didn’t show, you’re always there to kiss him when he’s home and massage his shoulders, and cuddle him to sleep; and that’s his favorite part.