#hx just i don't wanna :

[syscord-out-of-context]

Welcome !! to syscord out of context !!

[[ TL;DR: We're SOA (it/he), lmk if you wanna be anonymous and we got you, NSFW is fine (no porn tho), no discourse, we're pro-endo, images don't need to be from Discord or free of context. ]]

The collective name and pronouns are SOA and it/its ONLY (hy/hx/he auxillary), NO they/them or it&/you&.

There is already a syscord blog -- in fact it is where we learned the word "syscord" -- but it's anti-endo so thus this blog is born because we think we're hilarious but we often second guess sending screenshots involving PluralKit (especially as an introject) to regular Discord out of context and yk. Non-sysmeds make up a large part of the plural community, come on tales-from-syscord.

That said if you are anti-endo, we. don't care. No matter where you stand, this is a syscourse/discourse free zone, we're here to be silly, not fight.

NOW. Some... guidelines?

NSFW is allowed but nothing too explicit. I'll be using the nsfw and nsft tags though, and pretty loosely.

I will also do my best to tag any triggers (with the '[thing] tw' format). If any post misses something or other that you would like tagged (no matter how specific) you can absolutely ask and we got you.

Per the blog title, context is allowed! You can submit anything you want if it's not blatant discourse or porn pretty much. Again, we're here to be silly.

If you're worried whether or not something will be allowed, feel free to send it to us and ask. And if something submitted breaks the guidelines, we'll let you know too (non-anon asks can be answered privately btw).

Also it doesn't need to be from Discord, really we're just here to have fun, do whatever you want, man. Life sucks but we persist and sometimes we persist by being silly.

ALSO. If you don't want your base account (or any account) to be linked to the submission, just let me know when you submit it (or you can DM it) and I will upload the image for you so you're not connected to it.

Also I don't care what censoring you do or don't do with anything, they're your screenshots. It's largely up to your discretion, we're just the wall upon which you can post your memes.

And I literally don't care who follows me, just don't be a dick and all is good!!

Promo nabbing under the cut (let me know if you want to be untagged).

@fictive-culture @funnier-as-a-fictive @funnier-as-a-system @misc-system-culture-is @plurality-polls @pluralasking @pluralquotebook @plural-culture-is @intuspluric-culture-is @introjectheavy-culture-is @introject-culture @plural-positivity @multi-sourced-culture-is @multiplicity-positivity @multiplicitymemes

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 Appearance Creator Mod Infos Dump

With the release of ACM (Appearance Creator Mod) I wanted to dump some information that might be useful, especially for non-modders that want to play around with it!

(I had no involvement with the making of this mod at all, nor I have any tie with AMM development, just throwing my two cents as a regular user, player and modder)

You'll find some How To, Tutos and other useful heads-up under read more, if you plan on using this mod as a modding tool (sketching up outfits ideas before modding them as custom appearance for your blorbo for example) or simply want to play blorbo dress up!

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First, You might want to get familiar with these suffix, as you will need to identify what part of a character's outfit you wanna swap

▶ Garments Components Names

h0 - Character's head mesh he - Eyes mesh heb - Eyebrows mesh ht - Teeth mesh hx - Head's details meshes (pimples, makeup...) hh - Hair mesh t0 - Character's Body mesh t1 - Torso Inner Garment (T-shirt, Tank top...) t2 - Torso Outer Garment (Vest, Jacket, Hood...) a0 - Character's Arms mesh (Cyberarms...) l1 - Legs Garment (Pants...) s1 - Feet Garment (Shoes, Socks...) i1 - Accessory / Item Garment (Cyberware, Belt, Necklace...)

▶ Garments Rigs Names

ma - Man Average mb - Man Big mc - Man Child mf - Man Fat mm - Man Massive wa - Woman Average waf - Woman Average Fat

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⚠ It's important to note that Garments are NOT automatically refited to the character! You can use a WA garment on a Male NPC but it won't magically fit his shape

⚠ Johnny and Kerry, despite using the MA rig, both have a thinner bodies and most of the garment will float and appear larger on them

⚠ A lot of Garments have their own RIGs and physics, and might T-pose / break upon being swapped on your NPC of choice! For this reason, Hair with physics will automatically break as well

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AMC is a standalone window in game, and not included in AMM main window!

After spawning a NPC, the AMC window should fill up with the spawned entity's garment components (and yes it can get crowded really quick, especially on smaller monitors and resolution)

Yes, It also works on NPVs and NPC+! 🔥

Everything on these windows can be overwhelming especially if you're not familiar with modding, so I'll throw a little example here using Scorpion

First I want to get rid of his hood and vest, without using AMM's custom appearance, using only ACM

In the list, I look for his Vest and his Hood component

We can easily turn them invisible by clicking the "Toggle" button Make sure to also disable any decals, stickers, and additional component (his vest also has a decal component, see in the screenshot)

The little icon next to a component's name indicate it has been edited in some way

I'll now switch his tank top for something else

Click on "Select From List" next to the "Mesh Path" of the desired component (in Scorpion's case, t1_060_ma_tank__corset) Open up the "Torso" list, and you'll be able to click on any of the listed t1 and t2 garments!

⚠ As mentioned above, garments doesn't magically refits on characters; Scorpion use the Man Average body and rig, anything that isn't a "ma" garment won't fit him correctly!

⚠ Another thing to be aware of is that a lot of garments's might break around the collar area! However if you plan on using this same mesh in an outfit, don't let that scare you, as it's easily fixable in blender

Export your desired mesh and look for the "NeckCollar_JNT" bone and simply rename it to "Neck" (blender will put some numbers next to it but that's fine, ignore that)

I'm going to switch to Valentin here to showcase how to deal with potential clipping 🤏 Since Valentin's body is customized, bit chubbier, he always needs refiting

Let's say you swapped your character's top for something else but part of his torso clips out

To put my boys titas away, I'll look for his body component (t0)

Click on "Chunk Mask" to open the garment's submeshes list

Garment's meshes are broken down in multiple submeshes that can be easily chunkmasked (disabled) at will to deal with clipping! This is why NPC usually don't even have a full body mesh when taking off their clothes, they are chunkmasked to avoid clipping :D

I will disable the Submesh 1 by unchecking the "1" box

Don't be afraid to click on multiple box and see what gets chunkmasked on different meshes! You won't break anything 👌

aaand for now that's about all I can think of that might be confusing for users- tho if you have question don't hesitate to ask on this post, to reblog or to come into DMs!

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

[tf2tism]

PERSONAL EMOTES !!! <3

I've wanted to make some personal emotes for a while but I didn't have the energy, I still don't, I'm in a flare but idk I just wanted to do something.

These are not for u to use lol, why I added the watermark (I'm paranoid) but if u want complex emotes like these ur free to add our discord (clown.car.collective) and we can see ABT commissions lol.

Aside from that ramble I should INTRODUCE MYSELF !!

My name is Salum / Samie, I'm 17-18 (usually body age/17), I use hx/bun/shx/XD, but my aux prns are he/she. I'm intersex tfemmasc and gay/nwlnw + aroacespex (twinning w/ the body).

I'm kinda host lol, and I do other stuff ig lol. I make the emotes for our Tumblr, only other person ik who has done it is Echo who is another host-like alter in our system.

I'm sourced from SamGladiator YHS, but I'm pretty disconnected from my source and don't rlly wanna talk abt it with randoms so pls don't bring it up, I'm just a cool bunny guy. I'm an irl bunny and vampire totezz real not fake. And I love drawing, cooking, baking, journaling, and a bunch of other stuff :33

[the-transid-gacha]

hello!! first off i wanna say this is a BLESSING for a polyfrag system like ours. we get incredibly stressed and antsy if we don't get new headmates, so this is a huge help.

anyways, filled out the form! hope this is good!

Name(s): Red related name (except sanguine, crimson and red itself since we have those ;;)

Gender(s): anything masculine, neutral or "harmful" in the literal sense of the word?

Orientation(s): surprise us

TransID(s): surprise us x2

CisID(s): physically disabled in some way, anorexic

Pronoun(s): they/he but would love suiting neos!!

Species(s): anything that suits him!

Age(s): probably a teen-young adult?

Source(s): mcyt

Role(s): not sure :(

Small bubble about appearance: red hair and eyes, somewhat tanned and heavily scarred body. typically wears red outfits!

Like(s): surprise us x4

Dislike(s): surprise us x5

Personality trait(s): surprise us x6

Face claim(s): we have one but can't attach image without going off anon </3

Para(s): surprise us x7 (whoops)

Emoji Signoff(s): not needed!

Names: Jasper, Carmine, Or Rory

Genders: Slashergender, Viongelic, Hategender, Nightgoric, & Boyflux

Orientations: Boyflux4Boyflux

TransIDs: TransArmCrutchUser, & TransBP

CisIDs: Cane user, & Anorexic

Pronouns: They/Them, He/Him, Slash/Slash's, Violent/Violent's, Red/Red's, Hate/Hate's, Gore/Gore's, & Hx/Hxm

Species: African wild dog hybrid

Age: Age slider 16-21

Source: MCYT

Roles: Confronter & Observer

Likes: Observing people, Taking notes, Writing stories, & Going on night walks

Dislikes: Rude people, Loud sounds, Messy things, being in the car, & The heat

Personality traits: Observative, Calm, Calculative, Patient, Confrontational, & Protective

Paras: Phobophilia, Maniaphilia, Angelophilia, Spectrophilia, Pyrophilia, Metephilia, & Haemotophilia

Appearance: (we included a face claim even though you said you had one just incase :) )

Red hair and eyes

Somewhat tanned and heavily scarred body

Typically wears red outfits!

Here you go we hope you enjoy :)

-Cumulus

[powwidge]

You reblogged stuff from both my wc blog AND my danmei/tgcf blog which is how i got here buut im now here to a ask an extremely specific NICHE question

if hualian, beefleaf and fengqing were warrior cats what would their individual wc names be in your personal opinion :3c (Cause ive thought about this in my spare time myself)

I'm dying. Drop the blogs. Don't be shy. Psppspss. I'm very into both tgcf and waca. Omfg.

Since I'm mainly a beefleafer let's start wirh them, but.

Shi Qingxuan: let's not fool ourselves, she'd 100% be a kittypet, then fall in love with hx, decide to join the clans, and cause havoc. I'd imagine her kittypett name could be sth sorta compatible though (...unlike. bellaleaf .), like Puff maybe? Cuz I feel lkke Puffleaf would be very cute and fitting

He Xuan: I think we oughta opt for the obvious "Blackpool" here n call it a day. Anyways I can actually imagine him being a medicine cat cuz he DID use to be a scholar n all and also romance between a medicine cat and kittypet? Let's go

Xie Lian: I'd opt for some kind of flower name + the -heart suffix def. Some kind of white flower, but my brain is a little empty rn so make of that what u will- also he should be deputy under Jun Wu so he can receive his trauma accordingly

Hua Cheng: torn between using crimson and rain here ngl. Crimsonrain mifht actyally work bur that sounds kind of stupid. I feel like maybe Crimsonclaw would work becayse it'd scare everyone like "IS HE VIOLENT???" and Hua cheng is like "in theory no because I'm a softie in practice if u hurt gege, yes :D" or maybe sth like Rainfire? I'm indecisive, so

Feng Xin: is like to opt for sth that's brown because in my head he's just brown???? If that makes sense??? I might go for Woodpelt with him since most "pelt" cats seem to be a bit aggressive, so it'd fit- also he's the kost annoying warrior ever I bet he's like. Overachiever, hunts from morning to night, gets injured 24/7 becayse of it, probably voluntarily does mouse bile tick elder duty. (I love him really)

Mu Qing: can I say Crowfeather? Can I? Becayse they both jusg rlly wanna be loved bur fail at expressing that unless driven into a corner? No? No??? Goddamnit. I'd actually like to go for something incredibly soft wirh Mu qing just so that some cats at gatherings would go "oh my god xxx is such a pretty name whY DID YOU JUST CLAW MY EARS OFF DUDE ITS A GATHERING" as for the name. Uh. I'm elly mad rhat any berries just have such stupidly long names rlly. Maybe Current since they don't have the berry suffix? (Is it Currant? God I don't remmeber. Those rply small sour berries that r either red or black. Currant I think. English isn't my first language Im sorry HAJSKSKS) sth like Currantflower maybe; stuff that makes people expect a she-cat who's a forever queen whos super kind n then they meet mu qing (and rlly their assumption is right, he's just tsundere)

Ok im sordy I sont think u wanted THAT extensive of an answer !!!!!!!!! All I can say in my defense is I've got autism 🙏🏻 all insults to the charactwrs r said with tons of love btw I love all of these idiots very dearly. Jun wu included. Sadly. I think that one mifht be a bir invalid. Hmm.

[mqfx]

awkward perhaps to ask this on the heels of your fervent plea for chenglatan support... however. do you think xicheng COULD be interesting? like i can't see it based on what canon provides and so i don't understand the popularity of the ship, but im generally in favor of trying to explore character relations regardless... and i do think that the way it could potentially give lwj conniptions would be. funny. sorry lwj i know you've suffered

HARK! WHO DARES IMPINGE UPON MY TERRITORY IN THE MIDST OF MY BEDDYTIME ABLUTIONS........ (readies the chain lightning)

jk anon ilu mwah and since you asked nicely (and since i'm still on karma probation) let me preface this by saying what i've always said about xi/cheng, which is that Anything that could have possibly made it compelling is already done by sang/cheng but more balanced and it just makes more sense TO ME.

brother issues? lxc is a responsible older brother (though not as well-adjusted as he seems on the surface) but SC are both youngest brothers too. lost something during the war? they all did, but SC both lost brothers who were Larger Than Life both for and in comparison to themselves. sect leaders? so are SC plus their situations mirror each other's (one never wanted to be but was thrust into it. the other was destined for it but entirely unprepared to take it in that way; both came at steep costs they never expected to pay) and that's not getting into like, how they have opposite and complementary connections to grief and rage, how one is a mask to hide the other

also no offense to zewu-jun, but what exactly is he doing here. as far as i can tell, XC is mostly a ship designed to benefit jc, but how does it benefit lxc in any way? meanwhile let's look at the tragedy of nielan and how it also reflects the themes set up in the songxiao arc to be honest what's my man jc bringing to the table for lxc? more work??

ALL THAT BEING SAID. because lwj conniptions would be funny and you're talking to me the guy who's gonna make hx/yy big in the other fandom someday I WILL GIVE IT THE GOOD OL' COLLEGE TRY. it'll be hard because i am so heavily biased for SC (hence my old url) but:

maaaaaybeeeee ....... ok so it's postcanon but pre-wangxian returning from their road trip. jiang cheng is not coping well and is so very close to a qi deviation (always) and lxc is like "maybe if you listen to my binaural beats you'll calm down" because 1) jc needs to settle down a little and 2) it eases lxc's guilt about the whole nmj + jgy situation and gives him smth to think about that isn't his two dead bros chillin in a coffin. whatever so they do that and perhaps they get to talking? i'm really blanking out on who'd go first bc jc either lashes out or Doesn't Say Shit but lxc pure Dissociates just goes up in the clouds (NOT WEED) who knows. anyway maybe it starts out as a mutual pseudo-therapy session where lxc teaches jc to Chill Bro and jc teaches lxc the beauty of "don't you ever get tired of being nice? don't you just wanna go Ape Shitt?" which. idk how well it's gonna work. look at him. MAYBE we can work in the goddamn frogs into the situation. lxc calls in jc like "we're trying to grow lotuses here but--" "it's too cold. your lake bed is shit and the seeds don't like it. you don't even have frogs" and they do landscaping together. lwj comes home and finds jc dunking a bucket on tadpoles on lxc like it's frat night idk

我不知 FUCKING 道 KLDHLS I GIVE UP!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS SHIP EVEN HAPPENED BUT BABY IT'S LIKE PUTTING TWO NORTH-NORTH MAGNETS TOGETHER IT'S LIKE MAKING PARALLEL LINES TOUCH I CAN'T DO IT I CAAAAAN'T IM SORRYYYYYY DO THEY EVEN TALK MUCH IN CANON?????????

(and as a side note. chenglatan canon bc, basically, i can For My Derelict Favorite my way into his heart. and poison mushroom omelet my way into his guts. please support me in my dreams <3)

in conclusion: i was brushing my teeth when i saw this ask and i spat out blood from my throat. but that is just the cadmium poisoning dw

[masculineish]

I think I should make a love playlist with Herr I love her so much what the hell it's only been a few days and I wanna live with her with a bunch of cats in a whimsical house I don't want to cannibalize her but I'd give her my heart just for the fun of it I love her I love mourgen as well though hx is so sweet and kind and really funny I just hope I didn't screw it up either hxm I still wanna be with them I don't think I realize that I loved them now but they both mean the world to me? I love when my dovewife sends me stuff that's us core and I enjoy his music taste and the way she is we really are like hachi and nana together and i love mourgen like a platonic lover too I love the way hx is so creative I love hx themes I wish to have creativity like hxm and funny we are so scara x kaveh x alhavthem core (new rarepair dies) me n the lovers in a different universe

[astralsys]

Intro post?

I made this account for fun maybe? fun as in I just wanted to fuck around and vent a little into the void under an account that's not much connected to my other ones idrk. dont have much of an online presence really wanted to see how this will play / work out. even tho I already have an account on here that I use personally to gush about things cause I can't help it probs not gonna use this that much.... probably cause I'll forget this exists, anyways comma!

collective info about me:

💫 ✨ | Astral System | ✨💫

Either call me Astral or K!

They / Them ( NO plural prns / &!!! /srs I hate it fuck off people who use that )

Trans Non-binary Aroace Bodily Adult

Masc / Neutral, System, Alter, Human / Person

Proff Dx’ed w/ D.I.D. ( adult dx'es ) in recovery since 2018, dx’ed also w/ MDD, ASD & ADHD ( childhood dx'es ) [ not recovered ]

( I'm only saying this cause one of my parts may leak that info out by accident, dont know better dont have a consensus with privacy atm, and I would rather just say it now instead of worrying about it being outed later idrc if you think I'm faking or not I've been dx’ed for over 6 years now idc what rando’s on the internet think about me tbh )

❌ ❌ Other Info Never Disclosed ❌ ❌

DNI: Minors, NSFW shit, Queerphobes, Racists, Ableist, Pedo’s / Zoo’s, Proship / Anti’s discourse

Mspec “Lesbians” / “Gays”, Male “Lesbians” Queer ID’s based off people, Rad Inclusive, Transmed, BaB ( + all other queer exclus )

Any "System’s" ( No Matter What "Type", I dont want to see you fuckers fuck off with your “plural community” all of you are fucking bullshit ), “Endogenic System’s”, / “Mixed Origins System” / Tulpa, Pro “Endogenic” / Pro Non Traumagenic “Systems” Whatever Fucking “System Origin” You Fuckers Keep Coming Up w/

“Medically Recognized System” / “Dx”, Self Dx’ers, Pro Self Dx, “M.U.D.” / “M.U.I.”, ( Medically Unrecognized Disorders / Illnesses )

Anything on Pluralpedia! Any Discourse!

I dont wanna see it or you I will block you on sight. I dont care, i am not your friend I don’t want to be your friend leave me alone and out of this shit.

—

specific info about me:

K or Astral ( not giving you my full name )

They / Them, Fey / Fem, Ae / Aer ( + other neo’s )

Trans Non-binary Otherkin / Alterhuman Agender Aroace

Host of Few ( also not giving you their names who fucking does that? ) I'm an adult ( id w/ body age not getting closer than that )

interests / dislikes / triggers private fuck off idc I'm not trying to make friends here

I hyperfixate on a lot of things due to both having asd and adhd and it effects my life way too much it’s annoying af I actually fucking hate it… having both is a fucking mess istfg, also chronic depression that’s so cool who doesnt love that? been dealing with that one for years and it sucks it really sucks I dont wanna keep feeling this awful my entire life, but its not gonna stop for me i think atp.

having D.I.D. isnt something I am ever gonna get into specifically, cause why the fuck would I? why do people have the need to tell others about their extensive personal med hx "oh you have to know all about my / our "system" and everyone apart of it! and every single disorder I / we self dx'es myself / ourselves with too!" ( just had to put the plural pronouns cause that's how these people talk ik I've had personal experience with these kinda people ). do these people not understand anything about internet safety omfg do you not listen to yourself at all? you’re not going to know anything regarding my med hx that I havent already given you cause to be honest I dont trust any one of you with me and my fragmented self and you don't really need to know. my alter’s are not something I talk to anyone about online or irl really. my trauma also isnt something I am ever gonna talk about honestly me even typing all of this out is insane to me what is wrong with me….

credit: banner @/Suyasuyabi427 pfp @/muku_69.0

[queensconquest]

@aristarchos​ said: are you coming or not ? // hc at hx

( DUSTY TOYBOX STARTERS )

   Gold  eyes  peered  over  the  surface  of  the  frigid  black  waters  ,  four  eyes  staring  unblinking  at  Hua  Cheng’s  miniscule  form  on  his  sands.  He  was  still  insisting  on  this  ?  On  an  answer  ?  He  Xuan  could  just  slip  in  if  he  wanted  to  or  slip  out.  He  was  skilled  enough  at  it  that  it  typically  took  even  the  most  observant  gods  and  ghosts  a  few  minutes  to  realize  he  was  gone.  Like  the  rains  and  tides  ,  he  could  come  and  go  with  regularity  or  a  suddenness  that  relied  solely  on  him.  

   His  form  mostly  remained  beneath  the  surface  and  he  gave  a  huff  that  made  the  waves  swell  and  surge  up  higher  onto  the  sand  -  but  not  enough  that  it  hit  Hua  Cheng.  Yet.  He  didn’t  want  to.  He  wanted  to  stay  buried  in  his  waters  or  manor  ;  the  world  had  not  cared  before  and  it  would  not  care  now.  But  Hua  Cheng  had  seemed  oddly  persistent  about  him  coming  out  this  time.  He  Xuan  couldn’t  fathom  why.  It  wasn’t  like  they  couldn’t  meet  in  his  domain  or  Paradise  Manor  if  he  wanted  his  attention  and  company  so  much.  Why  did  some  festival  matter ?  It  didn’t  involve  Black  Water.  His  only  festivities  came  in  the  form  of  his  reenacted  death  in  his  home  town.  And  it  wasn’t  as  though  he  lived  in  Ghost  City  to  prompt  his  participation.  He’d  visited  more  often  ,  but  that  wasn’t  a  reason  to  include  him.  Their  territories  were  still  strictly  their  own.

   Then  again  ,  what  would  Hua  Cheng  do  if  he  didn’t  go  ?

   Finally  He  Xuan’s  form  shifted  ,  slipping  back  into  his  usual  form  as  the  waters  carried  him  over  to  the  shore  and  placed  him  down  with  tender  care.  As  usual  ,  he  was  cloaked  in  black  and  silver  robes  ,  hair  pulled  back  as  he  gave  a  reluctant  nod.

   “  Fine  ,  fine.  I’m  coming.  But  only  for  a  little  bit  if  this  whatever  is  boring.  “  He  Xuan  agrees  ,  crossing  over  the  several  steps  of  sand  to  stand  beside  the  other  ghost  king.

[yiling-patriarch-kinnie]

(Note that this is my OWN point if view on this topic and I'm not trying to start an argument on anything or start sth like the asses who started saying shit like: "XL is a groomer" and so on, I'm just trying to get my own POV out there.)

Can we just talk abt Shi Wudu for sec?

And not in a fun, fangirl/boy/enby obsessive way no no.

Like talk about this selfish controlling piece of shit for a second.

Shi Wudu's whole thing as we know it, is that he's the intimidating older brother of Shi Qingxuan who will protect him at all costs and kind of a really shitty water tyrant.

So the way I see it, is that even though he "loved" Shi Qingxuan (and no, I'm not using quotation marks because I think SWD doesn't love SQX, it's more complicated than that and I'll talk abt it later on) his main goal wasn't to /just/ protect SQX it was to CONTROL him.

For example, this type of behaviour where someone is trying to control someone else but is masquerading said behaviour as "caring" for the person presents itself in cases of shitty friends/relatives and mental health workers who instead of helping people who are struggling they put them in danger by:

Calling emergency numbers that are known to be abusive and/or involve the POLICE (which if you don't know, the police are shit at handling that stuff and SHOULDN'T be involved in it AT ALL)

Involuntary admission to a mental hospital/psychiatrist ward.

OR, threats of involuntary admission if the person doesn't "willingly" admit themselves in.

Those are definitely not all of the examples but enough of them to explain this common situation.

The main problem here is that people looking at similar situations from an outside perspective think it's "cute" that the person "cares" about the person that they're trying to control and going on saying "they'd better be safe than sorry" and "I'd wanna have someone help be safe in a similar situation" when they don't understand that the person is actually being quite abusive and manipulative.

Now, let's step away from SQX for a second and focus on how SWD treats other people.

One thing that I mentioned in the start is that he's basically the "Water Tyrant" which is a title he gained by basically making anyone who didn't pray for him have their ships sink which is obviously a horrible thing (SIDE NOTE: and guess what? When he does it, no one bats an eyes, when HX does it, society goes WOW (or they "boo" him I guess) ).

So we do know that he's definitely controlling and not a very good person, the only people he really gets along with are the two other members of the "Three Tumours" friend group they got going in which are Pei Ming and Ling Wen.

So basically, the other gods and even probably humans don't like him at all and think he's an ass (which is true, he is) and they see how much of a fucking tyrant he's being.

So how is it that they trust him not to try and hurt SQX?

Is it because they assume that since they're related by blood and grew up together that SWD couldn't have possibly ever been abusive? Do they not see how horrible of a person he is?

Like if you get any other shitty tyrant/dictator at least from another ficitonal show, let's say Kuvira.

Do you think she'd be a good mother or older sister? No, of course not.

We actually have proof that she wouldn't treat family well with how she just casted Bataar Jr. aside.

So it make sense, that a person who's by nature abusive and controlling, will also be harmful to their family and "loved ones".

Remember the scene from book five where SWD literally TIES up SQX to a bed and FORCES him to drink medicine against his will?

Or do you remember before that when SQX was losing his shit and SWD instead of trying to calm him down started dragging him against his will angrily to the carriage thingie or whatever the fuck they had that got them back to the heavens?

He didn't even realize how much of a disaster he caused and still claimed that he "won in the end".

You know why I think he said that?

Because it was never about protecting his little brother.

It was about controlling everyone and everything around him until he came on top as the "winner" who made others suffer at the expense of him only rising higher.

In conclusion, Shi Wudu is an abusive older brother and never truly cared about Shi Qingxuan. His "love" for his younger brother was not love, he just loved the idea of having someone to play the part of the "little helpless sibling" that he got to "protect".

[haptureratch]

AAAUUGHHHH FREAKUNG A

I'm not doing shit on this medical leave. I'm not even getting healthier again. I've just got myself out of fight or flight mode, that's it. And trialed some meds. How the FUCK am I supposed to go back. Yeah I have a month left but srsly....how can I go back. Lots of fear and anxiety. Don't know if I have it in me. Everyone is struggling. Even the AOA people. Honestly I don't want to go back. I'm tired of earth shattering challenges and coming out the other side. I just wanna have room to breathe. Time and space. Room for my nerves to calm the fuck down each week.

A co-intern texted me today, asked how I was doing. I read it as HEY JESS IM GAUGING HOW LONG YOULL BE OUT...STOP BEING A LAZY FUCK AND COME BACK TO WORK, IM SICK OF HELPING COVER FOR YOU

God the regret. The utter utter utter regret. Can you even fucking imagine if I had matched anywhere else but here. If I had actually moved all the fucking way to Little Rock or Des Moines.

Would it have been better, though?? Not so much pressure bc there'd have been less hx btwn me and the people, the institution? Would the move and settling in have gone smoother?

God what a mess I'm in. This is the highest the stakes have ever been and I'm literally just sitting here watching TV. It's been 3 weeks and I feel just maybe 15% less lost.

I'm so SLOW at EVERYTHING

If I go back, it might kill me. Not kill actually but seriously damage me for the rest of the residency year. If I don't go back, the guilt and shame really really worries me.

But the thing is I don't regret giving up that Sunday morning. I don't. Why don't I?

What is wrong with me

[itsyueko]

Fight for it bitch.

[touchmycoat]

Can we ask multiple things?

Questions 5, 7, 23 sound really interesting

hell yeah you can!!!

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

very good question...very good question. Hmm. Maybe He Xuan?? I think my love for him really came out of the blue for me since SQX was my darling from the get-go (and very much one of my Types™). I never hated HX just 'cause he was the antagonist of SQX's arc but I don't think I was expecting to read his stuff further and just fall madly in love with the guy hahahahaha, and now he's my fav 🙏🙏

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I'm very enthusiastic! All my friends, even non-fandom ones, know I write fic and porn lmao, and if they ask I'll even tell them what the porn is about. My policy is if they end up embarrassed that's their problem nsfndnjfnjdnf

(to be real though, I can't wait for the day I actually have an original fiction project that I can talk about so I don't have to talk circuitously around fic for people I'm not super close to.)

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

yeah. Here's what I can remember at a scan:

Song of Achilles fic - my hometown Les Mis greek myth!AU - the classics course I took in undergrad One Piece MAS zoo!AU - volunteered at the zoo/worked at a bio sciences museum songxiao daycare AU - worked in early ed & babysitting We Built Our Own House - the Buddhism course I took songxiao transmigrated mail order bride AU - XXC has my ex-housemate's old job lolol songxiao temple drummer/spanking fics - i did temple drumming ndfjdfjn songxiao erotic acupuncture - i went and got acupunctured literally for this fic i think ksdnfdjfnj songxiao bachelor!AU - stage managing/first ADing/read Strike the Baby and Kill the Blonde songxiao street food!AU - me literally going to 東區 in taiwan and sussing out the food stands Cultivation No. 6 - worked at a plant store; this fic is literally just my customer service adventures songxiao aerial yoga PWP - i went and did aerial yoga SHUT UP songxiao hospital pianist AU - you already know where this is going SV porn!AU - SY's video editing (not the porn part, sadly)

a fic i'm really excited about writing is the post-canon SQX-centric fic I wanna write w freediving, which I am now learning!!

((Get to know your author))