#hurt jimin

[crystalsnow95z]

Request: On the way to dance practice, Jimin gets violently stopped by a hater. The members notice that he is gone but doesn't think much of it since he's always late (lol). Soon, they go drive around and look for him since they get worried and find him beat up. They help him heal physically and mentally <3

I knew requests like this would come after I posted my car accident story, but don't worry! I will gladly fulfill requests like this as well!

I actually had my real life friend help come up with the hater scene because I found it difficult to talk badly about our angel.

My psychological stories always end up with super long beginnings. Sorry^^,

Let's get to the story ~

Trigger warning: mental and physical abuse(obviously) please avoid in between the green lines if you aren't okay with violence

I couldn't fall asleep at all last night, I can't believe I'm this nervous when the award show isn't even until tomorrow.. I probably only got an hour of sleep..

Jimin sighs, yawning behind the face mask he adored to cover up most of his fsce. He told staff that he would walk to work today, thinking the fresh air would help wake him up, and he could stop by the nearby cafe to buy for drinks for him and his members.

Along with his face mask, he wore a black snap back that kept his face in the shadows, talking to the barista in a lower tone than his usual one. "I'd like 6 large iced Americanos and one hot chocolate, please, large for that one as well."

Despite all his efforts to keep his identity a secret, he felt like he was being watched. He looks around, trying to see who it is, jumping when he hears the barista speak again.

"That'll be 40.45, please."

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." He bows, quickly swiping his card. I'm just being paranoid.. I gotta calm down. Jimin takes a deep breath, going to the side to wait, going on his phone to try to ignore the feeling.

Jimin successfully gets his order, carefully holding the bag to try not to spill his precious cargo. They've been practicing for several hours a day for the past two weeks in preparation for an upcoming concert, and he knew his gift would cheer everyone up.

He checks the time surprised to see that even with his stop, he'd get there with a little time to spare. I'm actually going to make it. Namjoonie-hyung can't tease me today.

His smile quickly dropped when he felt someone walking uncomfortably close behind him. He stepped to the side in case they were just in a hurry and wanted to pass him, but when he stepped, so did they.

Did they follow me from the cafe?

Jimin felt his heart accelerate at the thought, picking up the pace. When he started walking faster, so did the man. There's no doubt they're following me..

Jimin looked around to see if there was anyone to ask for help, but with it being this early on a weekday, there was no one. He takes out his phone to try to call for help, but as soon as he unlocks it, he only presses one number before the man grabs his wrist pressing hard on his veins.

Jimin drops his belongings, the coffee he was trying so hard not to spill covering the pavement. "Th..that hurts, please let me go.." Jimin's eyes widen with fear, his voice coming an octave higher as he tries to use his other hand to pry the man from his other wrist. "What do you want from me...?"

"What I want? What I want is for you to quit BTS. Jin and Taehyung would get more parts if you weren't in the picture. Jin's voice is much better than yours, but he's too kind to ask for more lines, and Taehyung's dancing is overlooked just because you had prior experience. He's just as good as you, but you still make him live in your shadow, and he does it with a smile because you're his so-called friend." The man speaks in a soft tone, so no one but Jimin hears him, dragging him into an even more secluded area, Jimin unable to break free from the larger man's grip.

"What's going on?" A passerby asks.

"Oh, nothing. We train under the same company and he decided to try to skip out of practice! I was told to get get him. We're running late so I'm sorry we must go." The man lied naturally, pulling Jimin faster.

"Wait, no! I don't - " Jimin tries to speak, but the man digs his nails into Jimins's wrist, his pleas for rescue turning into a yelp.

"Now.. where were we?" The man continued when he gets them out of the prying eyes. "Oh yes, your lines hogging and you stealing the center far too often, you greedy little sh*t."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Th..that isn't true! We make sure everyone gets what suits the song best, I don't decide what parts I get.. we agree as a team!" Jimin's words are meant with a punch directly to his eye.

"You're a fu*kin' liar! You could easily turn down a part, but you don't because you're a greedy bastard! You might have everyone else fooled with that goody goody act, but I see right through it!"

Jimin stumbles to the ground, covering his already swelling eye with his hand slowly rising to his feet."I'm not acting.. I'm just being mys-"

Jimin's voice gets cut off when his attacker kicks him in the chest, keeping his foot firmly on top of him, the vocalist letting out a breathy moan as he struggles to breathe with the weight on his chest.

"I said to stop lying, you little piece of filth." The man glares down at him. "You're holding everyone back. You're just a leech piggy backing off the others' career."

Tears streamed down Jimin's cheeks, trying to relieve the foot from his body, but think man was much larger than him, his efforts in vein. "Hyung.. please.. help me.." he tried to scream but fear made his vocal cords too tight, his voice coming our as a whimper.

The man bends down, grabbing Jimin by the jaw, pulling him to his feet. "You can't do anything on your own. Come on. Hit me." The man taunts him, turning his head to the side for Jimin to punch, but Jimin opts to try to escape instead.

"Don't you try to run. I'm not done with you!" The man grabs him by the hair. "You didn't agree to quit!"

"I..I won't.. we're sev..aghm..." Jimin's whimpers as the man pulls harder.

"Plenty of groups do fine with 4 members. You aren't needed. Quit fooling yourself. They don't actually need you." The man throws him back to the ground, stepping on Jimin's wrist to pin him down. "If you won't quit, I'll just ruin that pretty face of yours. Then those fans you gush about so much won't want you."

Please.. someone.. save me...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where's Jiminie? It's already been fifteen minutes. He's never this late without calling first." Taehyung asks, finishing up his warm-up stretches quickly getting his phone to look for any messages.

"I don't know.. I'll call him. He probably stopped somewhere on the way. He told staff he would find his own way here." J-hope takes out his phone, waiting for an answer. "Huh? He didn't pick up.."

"What? That's not like him." Taehyung tried calling himself, frowning when he gets the same result. "I'm going to go see if he's nearby. Maybe his hands are too full to get his phone from his pocket."

"I'll go with you." Yoongi quickly offers, digging in his bag for a beanie and face mask. "Cover up Taehyungie, we don't want to draw too much attention."

"Okay Hyung." Taehyung gets his red baseball cap and his face mask, pulling his hood over it.

"Let me go too." Jungkook goes to get ready to go, but Namjoon stopped him.

"We don't know if he's missing or not. If they don't find him, then we'll all look okay? Let them handle it. They'll call if they need help."

Jungkook bites his tongue, wanting to argue, having too much respect for his leader to disobey him.

"Let's practice without them for now. Jungkookie, you wanted me to help you with the hook part in the new song anyway, right? I'll have the time to teach you one on one." J-hope distracts Jungkook while the two deagu boys leave the practice room.

"You don't really think he's just not answering because his hands are full do you?" Yoongi asks, trying to keep up with Taehyung's quick strides as he rushes out of the building.

"I just have a bad feeling, that's all.. let's walk towards his place.." Taehyung follows the path he knew Jimin would take, keeping his eyes open for the pink haired Busan boy.

Yoongi agrees, following beside him as they walk, freezing when he notices the toppled over paper bag from the coffee shop Jimin frequents after practice. "No.."

Taehyung follows the olders' gaze, but instead of the purple phone case. The one he just picked out with Jimin last week. Taehyung runs over, confirming his suspicions when he sees the lock screen. "Jimin-ah was here.."

"I'll call the others." Yoongi pulls Taehyung as he walks, dialing Jin's number.

"Did you find him?" Jin skips greetings.

"We found his phone.. someone had to have grabbed him.." Yoongi tries his best to speak clearly, but his heart thumps painfully in his chest with anxiety.

"I'll call the police. You get back to the studio." Jin motions for the others to come here.

"No, we're fine. We'll stay together. I need to look for him. I'm sorry, hyung." Yoongi hangs up before Jin can forbid it. He couldn't wait for the police. Since he's an adult, they could easily chalk it up as just him losing his phone and us being paranoid idols..

Yoongi went into the nearest shop, bowing to the woman at the counter. "Excuse me miss, but did you hear any commotion outside your shop?"

"I'm sorry, no. Is something wrong?" The shop keep answers, but Yoongi didn't have time to explain.

"I'm sorry I'm looking for someone I don't have time to explain." Yoongi pulls Taehyung along with him, asking anyone who gives him the time of day if they saw anything out of the ordinary.

"Please, sir.. did you see him..please just look this picture." Taehyung shows them a photo he took of him and Jimin yesterday, their face covered by the masks.

"The pink haired boy? Yeah, I saw him with another guy, probably his manager or security guard. You missed them about twenty minutes ago." The man tells them. "He should be back by now, don't worry."

"Which way did they go? What did that man look like?" Yoongi demands, coming out more harsh than he intended.

The man points towards the river. "They went that way. He was mostly covered and looked pretty average. A broad shouldered man with black hair and brown eyes."

"Thank you so much, sir." Taehyung bows before Yoongi pulls him. We need to find him.. I know Yoongi-hyung. I'm going as fast as I can.

Yoongi dragged Taehyung through the city, both of them stumbling over cracks in the sidewalk, quickly texting the others on the latest update. They had no idea where they were going. Their only thought was to find their missing member.

He was spotted with a man going towards the river. Heading there now. it's the only lead we got..

Yoongi texts quickly.

We'll meet you there. Let's meet at the bridge. I'll update the police.

Jin texts back.

Jimin was discarded underneath the bridge, unable to lift his head without pain. "Hyungie.." Jimin calls hoarsely to the open air, but his voice is drowned out by the sound of the wind and the river.

They probably won't bother looking for you

The man's voice rang in his ears, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The cold breeze of the river chilled him to the bone, Jimin hardly making it out of the water, laying soaking wet on the shore.

"Jimin-ah!" Taehyung's voice comes out hoarsely as he screams. They've been looking nonstop for the past hour. The police were no help, saying they lost them on camera, so the only lead they had was the river.

"Jiminie-hyung!" Jungkook yells after him.

The boys split up into two separate groups, going in different directions. Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jungkook were in a group together. One body guard went with both groups.

Namjoon was walking ahead of them at a brisk pace, freeezing in place when he sees the bright pink hair of Jimin in his current favorite oversized white sweater. "Taetae, Jungkookie.. I see him!"

Jimin could hear the voices of the others running towards him, feeling Namjoon pull him into his lap. "Hyungie..I'm..I'm cold.." Jimin could hardly see him, his eyes mostly swollen shut, but he could recognize the voices of his members anywhere.

"It's okay, it's okay. I got you. Let's try to get you warmed up some.. okay? " Namjoon takes off his jacket. "Jungkook, help me get his shirt off."

"They really hurt him." Jungkook felt his stomach drop when he saw all the bruises covering Jimin's face, his nose crusted over with dry blood, his lip swollen with a split down the left side. "We need to call an ambulance to be sure nothing is broken.."

Namjoon and Jungkook help Jimin get his shirt off, eyes widening when he sees the bruising continuing across Jimin's body. Anger flashed in Namjoon's eyes.

How could anyone do this to him? He's nothing but kind to everyone he meets..

Namjoon helps lead Jimin's arms into the jacket, Jimin inhaling sharply when his fingers bend.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just want to try to get you into something dry.." Namjoon gently takes Jimin's wrists, only now noticing his swollen fingers. Shit.. i gotta keep focused... I can't let my emotions cloud my judgment."He has at least a few broken fingers.."

"Help is on the way." The security guard, Jeong, called an ambulance while the members were busy with Jimin, taking off his jacket and throwing over Namjoon's shoulders.

"Jiminie..." Taehyung dries his tears with the back of his thumbs, voice coming out as a sob. He had never seen Jimin in such a rough state, the most he's ever seen was a wrapped up leg from dancing too hard

"D..don't cry

"Deep breaths, Taehyung.. we found him, and he's alive.. that's all that matters. You too Jungkook.." Namjoon tries to calm the younger boys, despite his emotions running high.

"You came.." Jimin croaked, his eyes watering again, shivering violently as he clings to his leader.

"What? Of course we came. We came looking the moment you didn't answer your phone. Why would you think that?" Namjoon rubs his hands across Jimin's arms. "Oh.. the others! Jungkook call seokjinnie-hyung."

"I meant. You found me.." Jimin quickly changes his words when he hears the pain in his leader's voice clearly hurt by his words. "Sorry..."

"Huh? Oh.. yeah.. right." Jungkook was still in shock on Jimin's condition. Following hyung's request, Jungkook looked away from Jimin, feeling sick to his stomach.

Could this have been any of the others? Namjoonie hyung rides his bike to work a lot of the time..

"Hy..Hyungie, we found..but but.. they really hurt him. We called for..for.." Jungkook spoke quickly, stammering out the words, his mind reeling with dark thoughts.

"Jungkook-ah breathe. I can't understand you. Did you find him?" Jin gently orders him.

Jungkook passes the phone to Taehyung, unable to calm his nerves, who takes it, wrapping his body around the Mankae.

"We find him, but it..it looks like he got jumped.." Taehyung did better to keep his voice under control, but Jungkook could feel his heart beating wildly against his back, clearly having the same thoughts.

"What? How bad is he?" Jin asks, voice filled with worry.

"He..he..ah..b..broke so..some fi..fingers.." Taehyung struggled to explain it to Jin, a hard lump forming his throat, when he tries to speak, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

"Hey..hey, it's okay, you don't have to talk about it okay? I'll just see for myself. Don't cry Vuu.." Jin speaks in a soothing tone, hearing Taehyung holding back a sob. "It's okay to be scared.."

Jungkook places his hands on top of Taehyung’s squeezing him. "You're gonna make me cry Hyung.."

"I'm sorry, Koo.." Taehyung takes a deep breath, burying his face in the youngers shoulder. The boys hear the ambulance in the distance.

There's no doubt they love me, but is it really okay for me to be one of the leads in both the dance line and the vocal line when Jin and Taehyung are more talented than I am..

Jimin felt guilt eat away at him, the words of his attacker ringing in his head.

"It's okay Jiminie, help is coming.." Namjoon wipes Jimin's tears, unaware of the mental trauma that was plaguing the pink haired vocalist.

"The police are here.." Jeong says entering the room. "They want to talk to Jimin-sii about what happened..'"

Jin looks at the sleeping vocalist, clenching his jaw. He didn't want to wake him, and the police offered little help, not even lending them a search party to find the missing boy. "Give us a minute."

Jeong nods, relaying the message.

"He needs to talk to them so they can help track him down.." Namjoon gently wakes Jimin. "Jimin-ah, you need to talk to the police for us okay?"

Jimin blinks sleepily, the pain medicine leaving him groggy. "Hm..?"

"Do you think you could tell the police what happened, Minnie?" J-hope asks gently.

Jimin felt his skin crawl with anxiety at the thought of explaining it in front of the other members. They're already upset enough..

"I'll tell them on my own..please?" Jimin asks softly.

"Whatever you want, Jiminie. We'll go outside for a bit, here..take my phone and call me when you finished.." Yoongi gives him his phone, cracked from hitting the pavement. "It still works, just be careful.."

"Alright.. Thanks Hyungie.." Jimin puts it on the side of the bed watching the others leave the room and two officers come in.

"Hello, I'm officer Kim and this is my partner officer Lee." He bows slightly, the other officer doing the same."

"Hello.." Jimin greets them, doing his best to bow respectfully, wincing at his sore rib cage.

"How are you feeling, Park?" Officer Kim asks, looking at Jimin sympathetically.

"Are you able to explain what happened?" Officer Lee joined in the conversation.

"I hurt all over, but I'll be okay.." jimin replies, wishing they would just her to the point and skip formalities.

"Could you explain to me what happened then?" Officer Kim asks, getting out a notepad to write with.

"I went to the Cafe to get drinks on my way to the hybd building where I work, but while I was in there, I felt like I was being watched. I thought nothing of it at first, just a fan too shy to approach me, but I was wrong..." Jimin's eyes grow wide in fear as the memory of the larger man looming over him as he leaves the Cafe, grabbing him roughly. His breath picked up his throat, coughing as his throat tightened as tears threatening to form.

"Park-sii, Park-sii it's okay.." Officer Lee touched his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Take your time.."

"Ah...I'm..I'm sorry.. I just need a minute..th..thank you.." Jimin stammers out the words, Officer Lee giving him a tissue trying to clean up his tearstained face.

"It's okay. You had a traumatic experience. Take your time." Officer Kim gave Jimin a kind smile.

Jimin takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself to continue the story, telling the officers about how he lied saying they knew each other, how he took him away from the others and threatened him to leave his group and beat him for refusing. Jimin was in tears as he spoke, using the tissue to dab under his nose that dripped with snot.

"He..he..just..hated me..that I was..was rui..ruining the band.." jimin finishes his story, wincing when he rubs his sore nose. He couldn't go into detail about what the man said, leaving that part vague, but the officers didn't press him to delve further.

"We'll find him." Officer Lee promises, but Jimin doubts his words. His face was covered and disappeared from sight on the cameras after dumping him.

"Thank you for talking with us. I hope you recover quickly." Officer Kim leaves with his partner.

Jimin sat in silence in the hospital bed staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his nerves before calling Yoongi. "Hyung.. come back please?"

"Of course. I'll be right up." Yoongi could tell Jimin was crying by his congested tone. "Stay on the phone, okay? I want to tell you about my visit home." Yoongi wanted to get his mind off the situation.

"Oh right.. you visited home to visit for a birthday.." Jimin couldn't remember if it was his mother's or his brother's birthday he went to celebrate, those little details slipping his mind. He was usually better at these sorts of things.

"Yeah, I did.. and My mom taught Holly a new trick. You know how I tried to teach him how to roll over but he wouldn't completely roll?" Yoongi pauses for Jimin to respond.

"Oh right, he'd go on his back or flop to his side but he wouldn't fully roll." Jimin felt a soft smile creep up across his lips to hear Namjoon gush about his precious pet.

Yoongi enters the room with Taehyung and Jungkook following behind.

"Where's Hobi-hyung and Namjoonie hyung?" Jimin asks when he notices the two missing.

"They're in a company meeting deciding on what we're gonna do about our schedule. I stayed behind to watch these two." Yoongi motions towards Taehyung and Jungkook.

"I'm a grown man now Hyung, I don't need a babysitter." Jungkook argues. "He just wanted to stay with you too because he's worried."

Yoongi hides his face to hide his blushing cheeks, feeling embarrassed. "Everyone's worried.." I'm more worried on your mental state after this.. you've been crying again..

"How are you feeling, Jiminie?" Taehyung asks, saving Yoongi from his embarrassment.

"I'll be okay.. I'm actually set to go home later today. There's not much the hospital can do for me here.." Jimin tells him. I'm glad I don't have to stay overnight. I don't want to sleep in an unfamiliar place.. i don't even want to sleep alone tonight..

"Are you sure it's not too early?" Jungkook asks with concern in his big doe eyes.

"Yeah, all they can do is give me medicine for the pain, and I can take that at home. Someone else needs this bed more than I do." Jimin fakes a smile. "Don't worry. I'll be fine with some rest."

All three boys could tell Jimin's smile wasn't genuine, but nobody said a word about it to Jimin, just silently agreed to keep a close eye on him.

"Steady, steady.." Jungkook slowly moves with Taehyung to put Jimin in his bed.

"I'm being steady." Taehyung huffs, getting Jimin laying down on the bed. "We need pillows to prop his ankle now!"

"I don't have any extra pillows. You and Jinnie-hyung have the most.." Jungkook points out.

"It's only a little sprained, I'll be okay." Jimin tries to get them to stop fretting over him.

"Nonsense. You can use some of mine." Taehyung rushes to his room, bringing all his pillows.

"Taehyungie what will you sleep with if you bring all your pillows in here?" Jimin gives a small chuckle seeing Taehyung dropping the pillows, wincing from his sore ribcage. "Ah.. that hurts.."

"Sorry Jiminah.." Taehyung uses two pillows to get Jimin's ankle elevated, then another one underneath Jimin's head. "Does that help? You can hold this pillow to your chest." He puts it in Jimins

"It's okay.. don't worry about it. That actually feels better. Thank you, Tae.." Jimin yawns with squeak at the end. "Mn.."

"You should try to get some rest, Jiminie-hyung. It'll help you heal faster." Jungkook frowns when he sees Jimin's eyes close tightly in pain.

"Jungkookie, remember Jin is making dinner. He can't sleep just yet.. he hasn't eaten.." Taehyung reminds him.

Jimin's stomach churned at the idea of food, wrapping his arm around it.. He could only manage to eat a few bites of food at the hospital before he felt sick to his stomach, telling the others he just didn't like it. I can't use that excuse again..

"What's wrong, Jiminie?" Taehyung asks, eyes round with concern. "Are you that hungry? I could ask seokjinnie-hyung to get you a snack."

"No,I'm okay.. just some pain from the brusing.." Jimin felt the twinge of guilt worsen his pain. He hated hiding things from his members, but he didn't want them worrying more than they already were.

"My poor Minnie.. I'll get you a heat compress." Taehyung leaves the room, coming back with a few ice packs and the heat compress. "Here, one for your ankle so the swelling can go down, one for your eyes to help with the puffy and heat to help with your tummy."

Jungkook takes one of the ice packs from Taehyung, placing it on Jimin's swollen ankle. "I'll help too."

"Thanks, Koo." Taehyung smiles, putting the heat on Jimin's abdomen, watching him visibly relax.

Jungkook's stomach, growls making him blush in embarrassment.

"I think someone else needs a before dinner snack.." Taehyung giggles. "Go on, I'll stay with him. I bet you can get a snack out of hyung. You hardly had anything to eat either, just that bag of vending machine cookies, and you gave half of them away."

"You should go. I'm fine. Eat." Jimin tried to keep his voice steady. Everyone must've been too worried to eat because of me. I am just making things harder on everyone..

Jungkook leaves the room, Taehyung taking a seat on the bed next to Jimin, wearing a serious look on his face.

"Jimin, you aren't a burden, so stop thinking you are." Taehyung says, grabbing Jimin's good hand.

"Taetae.. I didn't say anything like that.." Jimin couldn't look Taehyung in the eyes, afraid that those large puppy dog eyes would see right through his mask.

"You don't have to.. that's the same look that Hyungie gives when he feels like he's not learning the routine quick enough or when he can't sing because he's sick. You don't need to pretend in front of me, Jiminie, and I don't want you to." Taehyung speaks slowly, gathering his thoughts together. "Scream, cry... do something. Just please stop giving everyone that fake smile.. it's hurting my heart.."

Jimin felt the tears swelling up again, burying his face in Taehyung's shoulder. "I wa..wa..waas so sc..sc..scared, Tae.. I cou..couldn't do any..anything..bu..but h..hi..his words hurt ev..even more.."

Taehyung strokes Jimin's hair. "It's all over now, Jiminie.. We won't let him touch you. We got extra security.." his mind burned with curiosity to know what this man said that upset his soulmate so much, but he didn't dare ask. Not when Jimin was already suffering enough. He didn't want to bring up those bad memories.

"T..T..Taehyun...m..ma..maybe you guy..guys sh..should pe..perfo..form withou..without me.." Jimin whispers.

"We might have to for a short while, until you recover more, but you'll be able to sit and perform once your bruises on your ribs and..."

"N..no..not..not ju..just f..for a..a lit..little wh..while..I mea..mean..y..you can b..be a..a..lead..w..with j..Jungk..kookie ins..stead of..me.." Jimin mumbles into Taehyung’s shoulder, the man's words ringing in his head again.

"What? No. No. No, Jiminie. It's seven or nothing. Don't let him mess with your head. You're so important.. we wouldn't be BTS without you.." Taehyung forces Jimin to look up at him, tears already streaming. "Don't say that..okay...?"

"Taehyungie.." Jimin wipes the tears from Taehyung's cheek. "I..I'm sorry.. Don't cry.."

Jimin felt awful, his heart tightening. How could he tell Taehyung that? Taehyung was the one who stuck up for him as rookies, saying he wanted me to debut with him..

"Everyone will say the same.. You're a part of our team. You'll always be wanted, okay?" Taehyung hugs Jimin lightly.

"Dinner is fini- What happened?" Jin rushes to the bed when he saw the two puffy eyed 95liners.

"I was just..telling Taehyungie about what happened to get it off my chest.." Jimin wipes his eyes, hoping he wouldn't see through his lie.

"Jiminie is also worried about all the time he has to take off to recover.. he's feeling guilty." Taehyung hides the part about Jimin thinking about quitting.

"Jiminie, don't you worry about that. We'll work around it. You need to just focus on healing." Jin places a tray with Kimchi Jjigae in front of him. "Even if we need to carry you around everywhere we go."

"Okay.." Jimin tries to pick up the chopsticks, but his three tapped fingers made it impossible to pick anything up.

"Here, let Hyung do it." Jin takes the chopsticks from him, holding a bite out to Jimin.

You'd have more parts if it weren't for me though.. your high notes are much better than mine..

Jimin felt sick with guilt as he forced himself to take the bite, knowing if he didn't eat, he'd only worry everyone.

"Are you okay, Jiminie? You look pale.." Jin reaches to touch Jimin's forehead, feeling him burning with fever. "Oh my baby, you're getting sick.."

"Sick...? No.. no, I can't be getting sick.." Jimin speaks softly. "I'm just dehydrated from crying so much." Jimin opens his mouth for another bite.

"If you think you can...alright.." Jin feeds the injured vocalist as Taehyung rushes to get water. Jimin eats about half of it before he feels uncomfortably full, Jin cutting him off. "Don't force yourself baby, I don't want you getting sick."

"Here, wash it down with some water." Taehyung opens the bottle, tipping it by Jimin's lips, him taking eager swallows. "Not too fast, Jiminie.."

"Did you eat?" J-hopes voice came from the doorway with Jungkook and Namjoon right behind him, clearly wondering the same thing.

"Yeah, I ate a little.. I'm just really tired, so I'm not that hungry.." Jimin knew that wasn't the only reason, but it wasn't a full lie.

"Then let's go so you can sleep." Jin kisses Jimin on the forehead. "Rest up kiddo." He rounds up the worried members.

"But I want to stay with him.." Taehyung argues. "Please Hyung? I'll leave when I'm tired.. I promise."

Jin looks at Jimin, whose eyes set on Taehyung with relief across his face. He probably wants someone to stay with him until he falls asleep..

"Alright, alright. You'll leave as soon as you're tired, but you need to sleep at a reasonable time for practice tomorrow."

Taehyung pouts. "What? We're going back to work already?"

"I know it sucks Tete, but we can't push back the award show like if it was one of our concerts. Staff will stay here with Jimin tomorrow. Two people have already volunteered." Namjoon gives him a sympathic look, wishing he could just call off work for a bit to stay with Jimin, but his request was denied.

"Okay.." Taehyung sighs. "I'll leave by midnight." He gets comfortable next to Jimin, pressing his side against Jimin. "I'll at least keep you company for now, Minnie. You try to rest, okay?"

Jimin nods, feeling comfort by Taehyung’s warmth exhaustion, hitting him hard.

"Goodnight, Jimin. I love you.." Taehyung whispers, stroking his hair until his breathing becomes slow.

"Lo..ve...you.." Jimin murmurs out slowly, already in a deep sleep.

(Oo, this is getting really long. If you want a part two, I'll continue it)

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.76)

Summary: Your Pre-heat fever builds and builds and builds until it breaks.

Tags: forced caretaking, Preheat, scenting, nesting, mindless fluff, hurt/comfort, omega/omega content, possessive behavior, omegaspace, lactation kink, Jin's hormones briefly convince him that the m/c is his actual pup, breeding kink, pregnancy kink, tummy worship?, nipple play, manhandling, heavy petting, fingering, exhibitionism, jk gets a little pussy obsessed, slight jk focus, slick marking, a tiny bit of ass play, slight painplay, implied/foreshadowed womb fucking, hole check, gentle spanking, dom! namjoon, d/s,

W/c: 12.3k

A/n: so it's once again birthday pup time for me! i'm going to be turning twenty eight! i can't believe it's my birthday already! as with my usual birthday tradition- i have made a little amazon wish list. it's been three years since I first did this and my room is littered with the little things you guys have gotten me over the years. I still sleep under the big duvet you guys got me and it's my favorite thing <3 the love you guys give me during my birthday always leaves me feeling warm for months.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Jungkook’s whole face is parked between your thighs, sweaty cheeks, chiseled jaw resting uncomfortably against your hip bones, Curling locks and all.

That’s the first thing that alerts you to the pack's predicament when you begin to wake up the next morning in the heat nest. There are raised voices nearby. Someone is upset, not angry. But upset.

A wide back rumbles behind you, and the uneasy scents dissipate.

All of your stuffed animals are piled around you, your jellycats and the special extra soft ones that Jimin and Tae got you. You can distantly remember reaching for them sometime during the early morning and whining. Yoongi’s voice pitched low and sweet.

“This one little lovely? How about this one?” a finger rubs against your cheek, running through your peach fuzz accompanied by a quiet hum of approval. “My broody little omega, just wanna keep all your small and cute things safe huh? So soft and little. Just wanna show the alphas that you can take care of small things in your nest, right?”

You remember whining and nuzzling, trying to tell him without words (words are so so hard in omegaspace) that you didn’t really care about showing the icky alphas resting too close in the hallway. All you care about is showing him.

Now as you wake, things are less simple. There are tense voices and scents all around you. A tangle of them no longer sour but still alpha. Jin has not let them into the nest yet but you're starting to need them- starting to think that even if they are icky you might as well just…be close to them. Something small and furry and desperate claws for them in your chest. For Namjoonie, Hobi, Jiminie, and Tae Tae Tae- in your chest. A need that had been quiet yesterday but is loud today.

The need for her rises up now like a rabid animal. Tae Tae Tae. All in your head. At least you think it might be all in your head- you can feel your mouth moving and someone coming close. A silky pant leg brushes your thigh as she starts to move only to get held back.

"You shouldn't- Tae- Jin will get mad."

Your instincts quiet at the sound of them and you begin to wake. You're not in heat yet. Not yet, but the fever is building. A slow drip starting to spill out around the edges. The surface tension in your being trembling and twitching. Burning through you and turning your mind crumbly and hazy at the edges.

“How’s her temperature?” You hear a distant voice ask. Joonie alpha. Your mind identifies.

You feel a wide familiar palm against your forehead. Your throat. “Still a little cold- thank you Jinnie- what a good omega keeping our pup warm.” More fluffy blankets get dumped on top of you and you feel like you’re buried beneath layers and layers of clouds. The shimmering delight on the edge of your instincts. a high keening sound and a low alpha growl.

They don't smell quite so rancid as they did yesterday but they still smell sour. You have a sinking feeling it has nothing to do with their pheromones or hormones and more to do with the moment. What they’re discussing.

But what could they ever possibly have to be afraid of? Your alphas are awfully strong and protective of you. In a nest so lovely and so soft there is nothing that could possibly hurt you. Jinnie made it so well you're half convinced it could keep monsters out.

You feel a hiss building in your throat at the idea of a particular monster. Distant in your memories but never far for long. The ickiest of alphas. Never. You rub your face harder into the object to your left. A sensation- a finger trails down your scent gland, touching where it aches. Nudging a whine from your throat.

But there is nothing at all bad here…Besides Kookie.

He's so sweaty and sticky that it's a little bit gross. It wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't laying all of his body weight into you and pressing his face anywhere your skin is bare. He clings, his hands sliding under your behind and hips to hold you close, face pressed to a spot that makes you shiver from the intensity, the sensitiveness, that every breath makes against your barely covered tummy.

Jungkook noses first into your navel and then lower. Little breaths of air and his chin tickling where you’re most sensitive. The scent of slick is cloying on the air, you have no idea if it’s his or yours or Jin’s.  

Huh, That's a little strange.

Jungkook's not usually so clingy with you in the morning. Usually, he reserves this particular trend of endless nuzzling for the alphas. He's holding you so tight that you couldn't even squirm away if you wanted to, rubbing his cheek over and over again along your thighs, your stomach, your pussy.

He rubs his cheek along the space between your thigh and hip and purrs. Loud and rumbly, vibrating against your front. You reach down sleepy, brushing his hair away from his face. You wish the alphas would let him sleep- but the sound of tense voices is making you feel sensitive and whiney.

"I can smell it hyung, don't tell me you can't- and look at the way he's-”

Jungkook turns and snaps his teeth at them and they fall silent. You lift up your head a little.

Jin's perched on the edge of the nest half in Namjoon’s lap. The pack alpha leans against the doorway as Jin dozes against his throat. Tae mirrors them on the other side of the pocket French doors. Wrapped in a duvet from one of the decoy nests and clutching a steaming cup of coffee.

A glass jug of electrolyte mix sits between them and a few cups of coffee leave rings on the floor. Colorful plastic cups stacked nearby. Steam rising in sweet ribbons. Hobi stands there in the doorway, stretches, and yawns. Revealing inches of toned tummy that your eyes fixate on.  Distantly you remember, "one sip of caffine isn't going to hurt Jinnie, Namjoon."

"Sorry pups- we didn't mean to wake you-" Tae is in bright red pj's, the kind patterned with small dark flowers, silky and impenetrable. You want them in the nest the second you see them. But- but-

You look down, and Jungkook's cheeks are just as red. Flushed and sweaty. His hips cocked at a weird angle; one leg hitched up in a position that looks wrong. He looks like he’s uncomfortable.

“Koo?” You ask, but he just lets out a small chirp. “What? Why are you-”

A hand in your hair makes you look up. Jimin is standing there, pursing his lips, looking down at you conflicted. Light streams in through a crack in the gauzy curtains, cutting across his waist, the spot where his shirt rides up on his hips revealing inches of honey skin and the line of his hipbones.

Your blunt omega teeth feel precariously sharp in your mouth. Two parts wanting and one part terror. Jimin, alpha, alpha in the nest. Alpha in the heat nest, alpha alpha alpha.

Jimin knows your terror, letting his shoulders slump and his scent spill out- unthreatening. Your panic eases away. “I was just fixing the curtains. They were making Jinnie uneasy.” The pack omega says nothing, settling up on Namjoon’s shoulder, looking like he’s falling asleep too. A strip of pale blue spring sky is visible only through the very top of the curtains.

“Minnie? What’s wrong with Koo? Why is he?” Jimin’s small smile falters, and you can tell he doesn’t want to say it. Whatever it is that the alphas were talking about.

Behind you, a warm chest moves, it's Yoongi. Soft and firm against your back. His chest expanding buffers you like gentle waves during a summer storm, gentle and lulling. It’s very hard to stay awake. So warm and so cuddled.

But Jungkook…

Your mate's voice is low in your ears, but his hand joins yours in pushing Jungkook's hair away from his sweaty face. Pinching his cheeks until Jungkook's tongue lolls out, licking Yoongi's fingers. It's lewd and it's hungry. You squirm back against Yoongi and at the smell of your slick.

So close to Jungkook's face, that you can't avoid it being scented on the air. A lax grin stretches Jungkook’s face, eyelashes fluttering, his smile dopey and out of it.

Yoongi's voice is rough from disuse, making your stomach swoop. Jungkook pushes against Yoongi's touch trying to get back to your stomach back between your legs. Chirping and trilling his displeasure. Trying to burrow and nuzzle through Yoongi’s hands unsuccessfully.

“Koo was feeling a little left out.”

“No,” you whisper, your stomach dropping for a whole other reason. Surprise making you lucid. “Really?”

Jungkook blinks, pouting. A little dazed. “I fucking hate cramps. Hyung- let go-” Yoongi lets Jungkook’s face go and he plants himself right back between your thighs. Nuzzling and shuffling until you let him closer. His face lowers to get closer to where you’re most sensitive. You try and stop him but Jungkook growls and you quiet.

The alpha’s watch as Jungkook nuzzles between your legs, nothing more than a thin layer of fabric to keep the smell of slick and all of where you’re most sensitive from Jungkook. Cheek squished against your pussy, soft breaths tickling your inner thigh. Jungkook settles and huffs.

Jimin runs a finger down your cheek but you hardly notice, still looking down at Jungkook, an upset pout already forming on your face.

"Oh," you're almost teary-eyed with it. You can't imagine Jungkook feeling as sensitive, as scared, as needy as you feel. It's upsetting, the fact that your nestmate is feeling so- so…and you can't- that he’s going into heat and you’re not-

You understand why Jin got upset yesterday. Having nestmates is different than having alphas or mates. There is a special corner of your instincts dedicated to taking care of them that hates this; all going into heat at the same time.

A smaller more wicked voice whispers other things, facts you dare not voice;

If alpha knocks you all up at once then you can all be pretty and round in the nest together. You can get all sweet with milk at the same time as Jungkook and Jin. It would be so easy- being pupped with Jungkook and Jin. Your sensitive sensitive tummy feels so unsafe, like this, Jungkook sleepily pulling up your shirt so that all of the alpha’s can see.

You shouldn’t be like this- you should both be belly down in the nest, you need to hide it from the alpha’s and leave it just for your nestmates to touch. Guarding you- that's what jungkook is doing. keeping your tummy safe from the alpha's until he deems you ready to be bred by them.

You want it. All of you safe and round and full, claimed by your alpha's in a way that sticks. You should stay close to him- make sure that alpha breeds him proper. All of them should breed Jungkook at least once just to make sure it takes.

Yoongi sets a hand over your stomach, and Jungkook tries to nip at it, to keep him away. Yoongi just pushes at his nose, a little playful. Jungkook grins, panting through his teeth. "Calm down pup, it's okay, Jungkook's gonna be fine. all three of your heats is nothing we can't handle."

Behind you, Tae snorts. hobi pinches her arm in repremand and she swats his hand away.

You nod wetly, but it’s hard to quiet your sniffles. Jimin leaves the nest, carefully stepping over the border so that he doesn't mess it up. Hoseok grabs his arm to steady him. Mindful of Jin’s boundaries that get momentarily tread over as Namjoon picks him up, helping with the aid of Tae and Jimin, to get Jinnie back into the nest.

With all of them looming over you, you feel incredibly small. looking and watching hungrily as they gently puppet the pack omega and lie him down. kind of on top of your plushie pile- but you don't mind- that's why you made it anyways. Jin sleepilly starts to tug them close, the soft and small things clutched to his chest.

The alpha's linger above you. looking down and watching. their feet depressing the nest where they stand.

Jungkook sighs against your thigh. "S'okay, at least now it's all of us together."

Omegaspace isn’t something you’ve seen on Jungkook as frequently as you would have liked. But there’s a childish pout to his lips. Cute, that you want to kiss at. Want to nibble. "Alphas don't even need to help- just Jinnie and me and Yoomi."

That gets a laugh out of the rest of them, Yoomi is a new nickname for your mate that leaves him smiling a little. You look up at him, eyes drooping and struggling to stay awake. You happen to agree but words are hard so you just settle for purring. Behind Jimin, you can see Hobi watching, smiling.

Jimin leans around the doorway and raises his eyebrow at Jungkook, as far as he dares to go into the nest room without permission. "You'll be begging for my knot later for that pup."

Jungkook huffs, "Won't, promise, not gonna ask for an icky-smelling alpha."

Jimin cocks head, "Is that so? Then maybe I should only knot Jinnie and her if you're so sure you won't need it."

Jungkook seems to second guess himself, "hyung wait- you can knot me just not-"

"I'm just teasing."

Jungkook huffs, nuzzling back between your legs, "meanie"

It feels strange, not necessarily sexual- having Jungkook's face pressed between your legs. There's a zing of pleasure at the touch, sure, but Yoongi holds your hips and keeps you still so that Jungkook can get comfortable. Holding you stationary so that you won't move against the feeling of his nose nuzzling over your underwear.

His low voice is husky in your ear as he whispers, “That’s it pup, let Jungkookie and then you can- there you go. No- No rubbing. Be a good pup and settle.”

You feel yourself clench weakly and when you open your eyes, Namjoon is watching you from the doorway. Eyes dark and scent unrepentantly sweet and musky. You don’t mind him watching. The sight of all of his omegas in a heat nest is one that he’s allowed to indulge in. Tae too- wraps around his arm with her head resting on his shoulder.

Every minute the alpha’s are allowed closer, last night they weren’t allowed in the doorway, now, one at a time in the nest. It’s only a matter of time before all bets are off and they’re all allowed here.  

Jungkook settles once he finds the right spot on your plush thigh. His warm breath easing away the remaining ache in your core. The cramps are better now but not entirely gone yet. Your body preparing itself for your alpha's, making room for their cocks and their knots.

You wonder if you'll be able to take Namjoon's unprepped. You're almost dizzy with the thought of it. You wonder what it's going to feel like- having him fuck you through your heat along with Jungkook and Jin. Namjoon's knot would be the best- the exact things your cramps need. Soon the cramping will fade and the need to be filled will take its place, you can already feel it a little.

Namjoon watches Jungkook nuzzle, you part your thighs further to show and-

Yoongi's teeth bite into the back of your neck, the same second Jungkook’s clamp on your inner thigh, not hard- just enough for you to feel it.

Yoongi's words swallow your whine. "Calm pup- not yet- not until the pack omega says you can." Not until I say you can.

Even having the alphas a little too close could trigger your heat too soon. They're doing their best, trying to stay away. With Jin and Jungkook the risk of triggering a heat isn't quite so scary. But with you, it’s a little unpredictable. The last thing they want to do is have it come too quick.

Jungkook is a good omega. He won't let any alphas come close until Jin says so. Literally guarding your stomach and womb from a knot. It's a little cute, even if it is a little lewd. He grumbles out something unintelligible before he huffs one final time and goes back to sleep. Shuffling his hips, a little, legs splaying like he's trying to alleviate the ache there a little.

There is some murmuring, the rest of them talking over each other while you look down at Jungkook and comb through his hair, Yoongi's fingers dancing across his jaw, hovering on his lower lip, and Jungkook returns to nuzzling into your stomach.

“Three omegas in heat- how are we going to do this?”

Tae's hand grips Jimin's, squeezing hard as they stand in the nest. Namjoon fluffs a blanket over Jin's back. the pack omega's hands deftly tangling with a stuffed bunny you have. ordinarily- jin would never cuddle with your stuffed animals like this- but it fills you with a sense of soft chagrined. The pack omega can want these things, can like these things, nesting doesn't always have to be about protecting- it can just feel nice too.

It doesn't have to be scary, it's feeling less scary already. you don't mind that the alpha's are here, standing around you three and yoongi.

“We’ll manage, same way we always do.” She turns, hair fluffing, she's taken it out of her rollers already and it falls in soft waves. She looks soft, looks like she belongs in the nest. You're glad she's here. You crane your neck and Tae notices, stooping slightly to touch your cheek.

"Mommy alpha? Please?" you start, and behind you, Yoongi mutters a curse.

Tae says nothing, a gentle smile spreading her cheeks, touch your cheek. They're doing alot of that- you wonder why? Your cheeks feel awfully pink and feverish, sensitive there.

The alphas are starting to smell nicer, very very nice, not sweet and cloying like Jin and Jungkook- but musky and tempting. You nuzzle into Tae’s wrist, nose searching for more of the scent. Her fingers itch towards the back of your neck. A scruff would make you so pliant and docile- and she wants to hear you squeak and purr more- like last night.

But Jungkook sits up, eyes beady, snapping his teeth. His hiss loud, "Mine" he's crouched low, prepared to pounce, mouth cleaved open in a snarl- guarding the nest and you. Tae's eyes go wide and Namjoon grabs her around her wrist.

"Kookie-" Namjoon tries to start, but Jungkook just hisses again.

You feel like you're further along than Jungkook is in your pre-heat, the restlessness in you quieted to a tired hum. You comb your hands through his hair as the alpha's make themselves scarce. Tae sends you a long look over her shoulder, mouthing "Sorry pup."

Beside you. Jin sleeps on, a big big big stuffed animal of yours that you might have scented in a daze half asleep (sleep nesting- similar to sleepwalking) pinned under his body. Jin stays asleep unaware of the snapping and light squabbles. Chest rising and falling underneath a cut of sunlight.

The alphas take it in stride, giving Jungkook space. You doze in between minutes, turning sideways to tuck your face into Yoongi's throat and hide from the sunlight. The springtime sunshine streams through the window all yellow and golden. You listen to the distant thunder of your alpha's speaking. Yoongi shuffles out from under and behind you and whispers softly that he'll be back in a minute. You only grumble quietly, and listen to his conversation with the others in the hall.

The soft smacking sound of kisses. "Sorry did we-"

Jungkook nuzzles into your stomach. Distracting you from the conversation in the hall. "No, just need coffee,"

You close your eyes and breathe and when you open your them you can watch the dustmotes swirl above you. Catching the light.

"Thank you- I'm sorry we didn't-" Jimin cuts himself off.

"It's find- Koo just-" Yoongi makes a disconcerting noise. Not a trill but a question without an answer. "You okay?"

If Jimin answers, you can't see it. The world slipping away under the guise of sleep.

"Koo's is hitting quick." that sentence gets no answer. No acknowledgment.

They’re unsure when exactly it will hit either by tonight or tomorrow morning if you’re lucky. You don’t need to ask what the alphas did last night, but as you listen to them in the hall- rolling up some blankets (a decoy nest sacrificed for a sleeping spot.)

You gather that either one or all of them slept outside of the door last night, guarding the door and keeping you safe from any potential intruders. The only people who are allowed to freely come and go is of course- Noodle and Yoongi.

You must nod off at one point, because the next time you wake Jungkook has pulled himself up a little, head resting just below your ribs and Jin is lifting his head up out from under your stuffed animal pile. Sighing sleepily he scents Jungkook’s preheat on the air, dragging himself close to rub a soothing hand down Jungkook’s back. Looking down at the other omega and biting his lips.

At the pack omega's closeness, jungkook's arms tighten around your waist. “They’re not going to hurt us Koo, you can let go.” Jungkook's arms only tighten around your waist further in answer.

“Can’t! Something bad is gonna happen if I let go!” Jin sighs, and you try and tell him with your eyes that it’s fine- that Jungkook can stay right here like this if it helps him, you really don’t mind. 

He leans over you, pressing his nose to your scent gland but you make a noise and pull away. “Your face is scratchy.”

Jin sits back on his heels, rubbing at his face almost angry, frustrated “God damn it.”

“Come on hyung you love my heats-”

Jin scoffs, “Yeah but you-“ he seems to get ahold of himself. He pulls himself over to your and Jungkook’s quiet cuddle. Your legs, Jungkook's, Jin's. You don't know why you're still so tired, even after sleeping the whole night and most of the morning away, exhaustion pulls you down like a lead weight.

The next time you come to your mate's hands pet through your hair and ask if any of you need anything. Yoongi feeds you sips of that electrolyte mix, rubbing across your jaw to get you to swallow down all of it. Clumsy with sleep, a bit of it dripping down your chin that Jungkook eagerly licks at. Lapping at the salt from your lips when you're done in reward.

But the three of you doze, three sleepy omega’s in a nest with little care to the world of the clattering outside in the kitchen and the smell of cooking food. Bread maybe? Pancakes?

Something sweet and syrupy eventually gets pressed against your lips, a strong arm around your waist, a soft croon- one of your alpha’s but it’s hard to tell who that says, “Open up- good puppy.”

Yoongi practices his massage on Jungkook- pushing aches out of all of you with his thumbs and his laughter. You and Jin share the heating pad after breakfast. Pressed first over Jin’s lap and then yours as you press closer and closer until your stomach is pressed up against Jin’s.

Nesting with them is sort of your favorite thing. You don't even mind that the alpha's have joined you in the nest during breakfast. They're still careful and they're still mindful. But it doesn't feel so scary- having them close.

To be pressed belly to belly with your pack omega makes you feel so small your eyelids droop further. Hands loosely tangled with Jin's shirt, his tank top too- one like Hobi's.

Hobi who gets up after breakfast, hair fluffed from a thorough scenting. Jungkook is really good at scenting, knows just how to rub his cheek into the alpha’s until they’re blushing and smelling musky. He’s very intent and particular with it and squirms closer and closer to them until Namjoon detangles him and tells him off.

Hobi sees a break in it and leaves the nest, something you're not allowed to do. Every time you even think to shift away from Jin, he tugs you closer.

“Pup, my pup,” Jin’s going in and out of lucidity, and he cradles you to his chest, eyes dark pools, pupils completely dilated. Hands grasping at your waist, your back, the back of your neck urging you lower, not too low- not in that way.

Jin stops around his heart, tugging you to his chest. Whining. “Pup too tiny, pup needs- I need-”

He holds you there, hand around the back of your neck. Your lips smushed against his skin. Your face pressed to his chest so close you can feel every thump of his heartbeat. You don't understand what Jin is trying to get you to do, at least not immediately.

Yoongi is there, it’s a good thing that he’s there. he takes Jin’s hands away from you and squeezes them. You blink blearily- unaware of just what Jin hints at, his whines of distress and near chirps that Yoongi shushes.

“Jinnie, baby- she is not actually your pup, you’re not-“ He sounds stressed. You want to tell him that you don’t mind but your words are hard to summon. Jin smells so good, his milky cream omega scent impossibly bright against your nose, almost citrussy.

“You don’t have milk sweet thing.”

You know that the instincts to protect and provide for pup and packmate get a little crossed in heats and ruts- but you never imagined that Jin would want to. Your toes curl, and full-body shivers erupt on your skin. Your eyes shoot open, immediately making eye contact with Yoongi- who looks stricken with something that looks an awful lot like arousal. Jin's chest heaves beneath you and he starts to tear up. Lower lip wobbling.

The heat beneath your skin bubbles up to meet him, and soon you'll melt away into nothing but sticky goey omega- you're sure of it. The embarrassment you feel at his urging is only quieted by the comfort you find in his touch, the way he holds you steady and tight. Almost captive. The idea of Jin- of your pack omega- doing that is-

Jin's big eyes are filling with tears, you have no doubt he’d be stomping his feet if he was standing if Yoongi wasn’t gently whipping those same tears away. Is this omegaspace? Is this what Jinnie looks like when he falls soft and sweet just as you do?

You have to help, you have to make him stop crying, filling the air with a rancid scent that's so different from his usual scent that it makes you want to cry too.

You nuzzle closer to his throat, where he's still sweet sweet milky. Lying your weight on his chest, he hisses at the sensitivity of having his nipples brush your shirt and you whimper too. Equally as sensitive there. Your hormones spiking wildly.

But you follow your instincts and the animal lurking beneath your skin that tells you to get your mouth on your pack omega and suck. Suckling on Jinnie’s scent gland, squishy and swollen under your teeth. Worrying away at it between your teeth.

That seems to settle him a bit, he goes lax under you almost instantly, sighing, coming up to cup the back of your head, urging you closer until you go dizzy with it. "Good omega- good little pup." Yoongi wipes a little saliva from your cheek, and your eyelashes flutter.

"The alphas- the alphas next- have to make sure everyone is taken care of- have to s'my pack, my pups." Jinnie babbles.

You wait until he settles and falls back asleep before you stop sucking at his skin and sit up. A little hazy at the edges. Pulling away. You've left several small red marks in your wake.

You’re starting to feel a little restless. Yesterday you’d thought that you could spend the rest of the month asleep and now? Now you fidget. Every time you try and leave the nest the alphas are there, corralling you back to it but you can’t help it. You want to look closer at Jin’s decoy nests in the hall, and the kitchen. You want to hunt down Noodle and maybe brush him a little. Brush him and give him treats and keep him closer and-

You hear the others smile when you say that, babbling mindlessly about this and that. And you know that it’s just your omegan nesting instincts, they’re the same instincts that you feel when you braid Jungkook’s hair, Tae’s too- perched on the edge of the nest. Keeping it away from their faces. Pressing your body along Tae’s side, hands guided by Jungkook, the three of you eat more breakfast to bulk up for the heat, for when you'll want little else but to fuck and be fucked.

But when your bellies are well and truly full, you roughhouse and play as pups do.

Jungkook pushes you down as you tease him by biting into his watermelon before he has a chance to steal the best bite, and he leans low to nip, imitating an alpha growl. It’s a way you’ve play wrestled before, an imitation of the way that Hobi and Jimin and Namjoon fight.

Only sometimes with Tae, less since she’s transitioned and she's deemed herself too delicate for alpha wrestling. You happen to agree.

She doesn't feel delicate when she drags you back by your hips, ignoring the way that they splay almost curious, when she lands a swat over your behind. Not that Jungkook gets any better treatment. Sides drawn over Namjoon's lap, giggling and squirming as half a dozen swats are dispensed over his behind. Just as zoomy as you are. Zoomy but sleepy.

The alphas are keeping an eye out for any sexual contact. “You’ll make it come too quick Koo- for both of you” Namjoon picks up Jungkook and put him back in the nest, away from you and not in the hall. Pouting up at your alpha.

"But hyung- we need to do something other than nap."

"Fine, you can go to the kitchen," Jungkook had perked up at that, "but not a walk Koo, I'm serious, if you were to go for a run right now, I'm not sure all of us could hold Jiminie back."

instincts chaff in strange ways. things that never would ordinarily irritate your alphas turn into grand offenses. like Clanging from the kitchen that comes with a loud shout and puttering feet. as if on queue jimin shouts from a room over.

"The mailman! The fucking mailman just put stuff in our mailbox! I should- I could-"

Tae leans out the door to shout down the hallway. Far away you hear noodle hiss- somewhat agreeing with Jimin’s frustrations.

"Jiminie- calm down, he's just doing his job, he's not here for our omega's."

Our omega's. You like the sound of that. You like the way Tae says it. 'Ours' has a nice ring to it. Relinquished briefly from your exhaustion and with permission- You and Jungkook are free from the nest- enough movement to sate your zoomies.

But not before a bath.

The alphas corral you one by one. You first, Jin second, and Jungkook last into the bathroom upstairs.

You're carried by Jimin and placed there (he almost drops you on the stairs because of how you nuzzle into his throat, his sensitive spot between his collar bones, and the skin over his pulse point is so tempting you can't resist a little nibble.) Tae follows close behind, watching the way your eyebrows pull together, peaking over Jimin's shoulder, teeth buried in his collar bones, and laugh. "Is Minnie yummy baby?"

You just bite down harder, and Jimin curses. His hands and arms remain firm and wrapped around you. Jimin would never drop you.

Huh, you should exploit that.

The shower is unexpectedly docile. Your wandering hands kept from wandering anywhere fun by Jimin's touch around your wrists. he holds you still no matter how much you whine and try to pull them out of his hands. You want to touch but they won't let you.

You try to peer at their knots but Tae picks up your chin and makes you look at just Jimin. You blink water out of your eyes. Jimin puts both your hands in one of his fists and then pushes his wet hair back from his face.

"If you look at us like that pup- what happens next won't be good. We have to make your heat come gentle."

"Gentle" you parrot weakly. Dazed. Shivering beneath the warm spray.

You whine and fight, but Jimin knows- senses you're doing it not to get away but because you like being held, like being manhandled and told what to do. You like the physical reminder that you’re not in control. It's like the play fighting- an imitation of something instinctual.

You squirm until you give in. Tae asks you to move and you move without thinking. Tae asks you to lift your arms and you lift your arms. Every “good pup” makes your brain hazy and your skin hum. Their pheromones are so thick in the air that you swear you can see them swirl. So close and confined to your alpha's your brain falls into a fugue state, almost trancelike.

Tae soaps up your body, cleaning you efficiently, trying not to linger, but it's hard when you keen at every touch, especially your chest, jolting in sensitivity. "I'm sorry pup- oh you're achy here? Mommy promises to kiss them better later." You like the idea of that. You curl close in Jimin's arms while Tae washes your hair. Hissing at every faint brush to your chest.

Places on you are sensitive that never were sensitive before. Your lower back, your chest, your throat. Tae drags the soap into circles and it feels like you spiral down and down. You know you'll be able to scrape together your brain later, but every time you go down into omegaspace it gets a little bit harder to come up for air. Your tether on your lucidity is flimsy at best. As effervescent as soap bubbles.

Jimin gives you light kisses for every order that you follow. his grip on your wrists slowly loostens until he's drawing your arms around his neck and holding you under your behind. "can't have you slipping pup." he says, voice low.

Jimin like you, has trouble speaking through his instincts. but when you open your eyes, he's watching you, keeping you steady and still for tae's touch.

and touch she does, indulging in it. soapy fingers dip low and scrub, inefficent but slow. a soft pleasure that warms you from the inside out, your stays perfectly relaxed. even as you mewl softly. jerking when tae uses the detachable showerhead to wash away the soap suds.

It feels sort of good- getting to scent and talk to and see Tae and Minnie one-on-one like this. Even if seeing them is more like falling asleep under the spray and talking to them is more like whining for your mommy until she gives you stupid chaste kisses to your cheek or forehead.

You tell her they're stupid kisses if they're not on your lips, and she rewards you with a raised eyebrow.

Omegaspace is deceptively hard to get out of, so you stop trying.

Eventually, the water stops falling around you and they help you out, drying off your body with your eyes closed. Arms loosely wound around Jimin’s neck. Tae pinches your cheeks, and you open your eyes before you open your mouth.

You feel like you're hearing everything through water. Yoongi is there and so is Namjoon, watching you with dark eyes, neither afraid nor hungry. tae says something that slips in one ear and out the other. Yoongi holds clothes for you. Just a single shirt, no pants or underwear.

Your body is too sensitive, and won't take or tolerate any more clothes than that- and only if it's his. It will get worse when you're in heat and your body won't be able to take anything touching it but the softest pillows.

Tae pinches your cheeks open gently. There is an orange bottle sitting there on the counter gathering condensation. Dark ink on the side reads 'for emergency uses only.'

You make eye contact with him as Namjoon puts the pill on your tongue.

Feeds you a bit of water, and closes your mouth, stroking your throat until he feels you swallow.

Bitter, It tastes bitter, rancid almost. Your body does not want whatever this pill offers- that you're sure of. You try to fight it, try to pull back, and spit it out. Jimin's rough fingers stroke your throat.

Namjoon puts a hand over your mouth so that you can and Namjoon growls low. "Swallow." You feel the command in your belly, your knees go weak, and you swallow without thinking. They let you go, Jimin sets you down, but still has to hold you up, your legs shaking like a newborn fawn.

"Was that?" You ask, dazed. Your words not making much sense. Yoongi puppets your arms through the holes of a shirt, pulling your wet hair out, stopping it from sticking to the back of your neck like he knows you hate.

"A contraceptive." Namjoon says, "We just have to be sure." You take greedy breaths of his scent. When he takes you from minnie, holding you up. Dizzy, unable to stand if he wasn’t holding you.

"I know pup, I know. Jinnie and Jungkook have to take them too." And when your whines don't cease. "One day" he promises. The rest of your alphas cast dangerously hungry looks over the top of your head.

But things like children, like pups, are not something you've discussed in any detail and with any certainty. Maybe with Yoongi and Tae every now and then. But you haven’t talked about pups like the rest of them have. Not lucidly. You're not thinking clearly right now, you only want pups because of the heat. No other reason.

Still, you pout up at Namjoon upset. Even while he carries you back downstairs, through the quiet house, past noodle sleeping belly up in his favorite window spot, past your shoes organized neatly by the door and to the heat nest. His arms hardly strain as he gets on his knees and then puts you down.

You keep your arms around his neck, looking at him, and Namjoon lets you.

“Mad at me?” You ask, eyes wide and worried, “don want Joonie to be mad at me.” You are so sensitive and sweet in omegaspace.

Namjoon is keenly aware of Yoongi behind him, he’s still a little angry about the car thing. But Namjoon just rubs his cheek against yours in an attempt at mollifying you. “Never mad at you- promise. Never.”

He tries to pull back but you don't let him. The nest is empty except for Jungkook, watching the two of you with wide dark eyes. You think Jinnie must be in the kitchen with your alpha's. You can hear them talk, hear Jin hiss, "I don't need you to carry me Minnie- yes I'm sure."

Namjoon cocks his head at you. Blinking softly. “Would a…” you nuzzle, and Joonie temporarily quiets, his scent thickening as you shuffle forward and settle onto his lap. “Would a punishment help?”

“Puppishment” Jungkook giggles from nearby, hair all ruffled and mused from rubbing his face into some of your plushies. He must like the way that the word fits in his mouth because he says it again and again, in a little singsong voice. “Puppishment pupishment pupishment” he giggles, and you join in laughing.

Namjoon smiles, looking down at the two of you, setting a hand on either of your heads and petting through your hair, you and Jungkook giggle and press your cheeks together. Your giggles quiet and you peer up at Yoongi in the doorway, sipping at a cup of something (coffee maybe? because he hadn't slept well last night- too busy watching over you) waiting until he nods. Giving you permission.

“Maybe? Gentle? just a little pupishment.” Namjoon hums, agreeing.

You go easily and without any squirming, draped over his lap. No need to pull anything down, no panties, nothing underneath your big shirt. At last one of your alpha's is letting you go belly down. You cling to Namjoon’s thighs, almost dizzy with it- the vulnerability and safety in your position.

You can feel yourself dripping, ever so slightly onto your upper thigh and probably Namjoon's leg. you are always so wet and now is no exception. Namjoon has to notice, his fists tightening for a second at the strength it takes him to hold back.

You can feel his restraint in every touch as he starts to rub, taking gentle handfuls of your behind in his big hands, groaning deep.

“Gentle huh? You just want it soft like that right? Soft like you are. thats why you let us do everything for you right? You just want everything soft and good and sweet like you.”

You suddenly cling to Namjoon’s thigh under your chest, almost looking back at him, tucking your face into the covers of the nest and breathing out at the intensity as he strokes over your behind, up and down.

The actual spanks aren’t anything like you’ve gotten before. Namjoon simply lays his hand against your skin a little quicker than a gentle touch. It makes more noise than anything else. And yet your fingers tangle weakly with the nest as he goes. He doesn’t even make you count them.

He doesn’t spend time touching you there or lower to tip you over into outright arousal although even with his restraint you’re embarrassingly close to cumming by the time he pulls back and sets his hand gently over your warmed bottom. Not even pink he’s been so gentle.

He flips you over, and you stare up at him, eyes dazed and glassy. It’s almost like he’s trying to make sure you don’t get too worked up. Despite the half-hardness you can feel first pressing into your stomach, and now, hard and long against your spine. Namjoon isn't rushing this.

Namjoon doesn't pull your shirt down yet, hiked up to just under your breasts. You rub your knees together and his nostrils flare at the smell of slick, he glances down, then back up at you. Your toes curl.

Jk lunches forward to nip at your ankle. Giggling softly. Jk leans his head between your legs and looks.

Namjoon sets his palm against your stomach, and you hiccup. Namjoon’s hands are so big his thumb and pinky stretch from hipbone to hipbone. Your waist is hardly dainty- not anymore- but you feel utterly small when Namjoon looks down at you, jaw rolling, growling out husky, “better?”

You nod, unable to speak or else risk something- some confession of plea that you’re not ready for. Your alpha continues to touch you, your soft belly, mindless swirls of his fingers. Until your heavy breathing quiets. Your alpha- touching you where you’re going to get bred, where he’s going to fill you. Makes you feel like a butterfly pinned to a piece of cardboard.

"Do you think you could tolerate a hole check without cumming?" Namjoon asks, looking conflicted.

"A hold check? Why?" You're still dizzy. "Aren't you going to be in my hole soon anyway?" Yoongi barks a surprised laugh and Namjoon's adam's apple bobs.

"With Jin and Jungkook we've done this enough that we know they've got like a few hours given-" Namjoon swallows, "how they are. But you've slept so much, we don't really know and-" Namjoon pets softly over your stomach. Yoongi is still watching from the door, hiding his smile with wordlessness from the door.

"Your cervix will start to open up so that you can take our knots extra extra deep. But it will only open if you're nearly there."

"Why- why check now?" you ask, you hiccup, sort of overwhelmed. "Not that I don't want to just-"

Yoongi answers from the door. "It means the difference between the alpha's sleeping in the nest or not tonight. That's why Namjoon is asking." He takes a sip, "We should also know, just like- generally- so that we're not surprised." You look at the window, almost dizzy when you realize it's already dark. You are losing time slipping out of your fingers.

You lift your head, shakey. Nodding, flipping back over onto your stomach, and giving Namjoon permission. Yoongi gets in the nest, and on the back of your neck rubbing soothingly.

Namjoon wastes little time. You sigh at the feeling of his fingers filling you- that- yes that is exactly what you want. "Good pup, relax for me" It's hard, and you whimper.

But Namjoon's fingers crook deep, past the first knuckle and all the way to the second. His fingers feel so long and thick inside of you. You clench a little, trying to pull him deeper. You're so tender and hot inside. Yoongi can see it on Namjoon's face the second it registers precisely what your heat feels like from the inside out.

You feel Namjoon Press against something usually hard that has turned spongey and pliable and so so sensitive. So sensitive that it makes your clit twitch against his pant leg, just a little. Jungkook laughs, and you realize he's ducking low, watching.

"Cute"

You whine and squirm and Yoongi whispers sweet nothings to you. Namjoon pets, moving his fingers. Namjoon presses again and after a brief moment of pressure, he slips through. "There we go pup- all nice and open for us, won't be long now."

The hole check is over before it really even begins. Yoongi crouches over you whispering endless praises as Namjoon asks Jungkook where he'd like your slick to go in the nest. It will be soaked with it in no time, but jk still asks for it to be pressed to his tummy.

You watch them, cheeks warming. Watch as Namjoon smears it over Jungkook's soft stomach. A claiming mark if ever there was one.

Jin teeters to the entrance, looking round and pink-cheeked and substantially plied with food. Waddling with Hobi close behind. Jin's gaze darts from you to Namjoon and back again.

"How long?" Of course, Jin knows, knows exactly what Namjoon has done and why.

"Tonight," Namjoon says. Eyes fixated on the pack omega. "probably not until much much later, we can probably sleep so long as nothing triggers her." He turns to Kookie. "You hear that Koo? No funny buisness, alright? You've got to be extra gentle over the next few hours."

Jungkook just blinks up at Namjoon, albeit coquettishly.

Jin goes for a shower next. But it takes significantly more finagling to get him upstairs than it did for you. You’d never imagine that you’d be the obedient one- given your biting and squirming and whining. But you watch them wrangle Jin as Yoongi goes and gets a towel and a brush for your hair. The two of you are gentle and quiet even if the pack omega is anything but.

The truth is, you and Jungkook are purely entertained.

Jin grips the door frame hard enough that the wood creeks, knuckles turning white. While Hobi and Namjoon both try to get him to leave the next, unsuccessfully. Jin’s body jerks and then his head as he lifts his lip and hisses. Somehow he manages to look cute doing it.

"Why you little- don’t you dare tickle me Hoseok." It takes all four of your alphas and eventually your mate to get him upstairs. You grin at them from the nest and watch them struggle.

“I swear to god Namjoon I will scruff you if you try and order me around.”

"Hyung, we both know you'd enjoy it."

Having Namjoon be the bait makes it deceptively easy to corral your plucky little pack omega upstairs to deal with his 5 o'clock shadow and messy hair. Namjoon runs and Jin hunts him down. You wonder if this is how Jin was when he was younger. All mouthy and bratty.

Jungkook usually doesn't feel his grooming instincts too intensely, but the trembling in his muscles stops once he gets the brush in his hand.

You get a little lucid, just a little- while the alpha’s aren’t in the room. the air clearing from their scent. Jungkook sits behind you and brushes your hair. Tugging you close until you're sitting in his lap. Jungkook feels very very warm behind you. Warmer than usual. The shivers and goosebumps on your skin is concerning and your body still isn't self-regulating correctly. but it's a distant worry with jungkook so close and so warm, pressed hard against your spine.

“What are your heats like Kookie?”

Jungkook just shrugs, dragging the brush through your hair gently, tugging out the tangles with a practiced ease. “I don’t know, just like fuckin and cuddling I guess.”

You laugh, cheeks warm, and you can feel the start of it. A subtle swelling need in your stomach, a feeling that has you wanting to protect it and get belly down in the nest where no one can touch it.

No one except Jin and Jungkook and your mate. They'd probably be safe. They'd probably give you belly rubs.

Jungkook’s heat is hitting a little quicker. His body fighting to catch up to yours and Jin’s. You sit in his lap while he combs your hair. Your legs out in front of you, socked feet pushing at the edge of the nest.

At least until Jungkook’s hands get curious.

They skim first over your shoulders, lightly combing your hair into a loose order, then down your back to your waist. The big shirt no pants combo makes you squirm when Jungkook’s hands go around to your front.

Your back arches into his hands, "Sensitive?" he asks, all but pinching your chest between his fingers, massaging gently, feeling where you're big and plush.

"Yeah- they're like- super tender." He hums behind you but doesn’t stop his pinching. Keeping your body taught. You let Jungkook do what he wants with you, dizzy and susceptible to your need to be good and feel good. He cups your chest in his hands, running his palms up and down them- feeling their weight and their give. You don't stop him, you let him touch.

This is what your omega nestmates are for. To check, to make sure your body is safe just like Namjoon did. You have no doubt that if any of the alpha's do anything that Jungkook doesn't like- he'll tell them.

But Jungkook does like it when you squirm and squeak.

You chirp when Jungkook's hands go greedy, rolling your nipples between his fingers. tugging on them gently. His brain is getting away from him- because Jungkook would never talk this way ordinarily. You know very well that he doesn't want pups and yet- his brain and instincts will temporarily convince him that he wants something different.

"Wanna see these swollen with milk for pups, want alpha to put a pup in you, want him to breed both of us so that we can nest together with our tummies-" He giggles, cute, in omegaspace but so lewd with it. "You'd taste so sweet here, I want it- please-"

The idea of having…milk, of letting your pack omega and nestmate feed from you- makes you feel hot and tingly all over. You don't know if Jin put this idea in your mind and jungkook's or if they're both always like this.

You squirm, trying to get away from Jungkook and tell him that this isn't being a good pup and you know it. But before you can- Jungkook's teeth bite into the nape of your neck. Scruffing you and turning you limp and doll-like against his front. Your head goes fuzzy and you stop squirming, completely boneless.

You feel dizzy, so dizzy at it. he doesn't stop his pinch and pull rythem and you wonder why you ever wanted to stop Jungkook, not when it feels so good having his hands on you, so warm. He lets go of your neck with a hum. licking his teeth when they pop free from your skin.

Jungkook's hands are free to inch lower- past the hem of your shirt and between your thighs. Past your tummy and past your pussy, down low. 

Lower than the alphas would like but there are no alphas here, just you and Jungkook and the nest.

You try to back up into him as his fingers tease, wet with slickness from the first brush.  You wonder if you're leaking a lot already- if you're going to get all wet and messy with your heat. You're already so much wetter than Jungkook and Jin get normally. You're glad that Jin put down some waterproof blankets on the bottom of the nest. It's so embarrassing.

(If only you knew. Jungkook's salivating and he's not even an alpha. Waring with the idea of keeping you close on top of him like this, or detangling himself from you to have a taste. To bully his way back between your thighs like he woke up this morning. He should have taken it while he had the chance. He wants to taste your sweetness, your willingness to be bred, the fertility of your heat hot and sweet on his tongue. He knows the alpha's will go crazy for it. They always do.)

“Can’t wait for Alpha to put his knot in your puphole and make you cry, you're so pretty when you cry, wish I had a knot too- it's so so so unfair.” His fingers continue to move, your toes scrunch, at the pleasure, back arching.

“Which one?”

"Which what?"

"Which hole," you ask shyly. About to close your legs until Jungkook pinches and squeezes at your thighs. His fingers dimple in the fullness there. Opening you wide and pinching until you leave them that way- open and ready for the taking.

You eye the door warily. From the sound of it- your pack is preoccupied with wrangling Jinnie upstairs. but the door is open, anyone could walk by and see your pussy spread open like this. like this- you are jungkook's to display and taunt the alpha's with.

Jungkook presses the pads of his fingers over your entrance. Pinky rubbing low until you squirm from a new kind of sensitivity.

“All of them. This one too.”

You squirm, and Jungkook’s fingers continue their small movements, it’s not like he’s fingering you, but his finger ghosts over your hole, then the other. Clean and soft and damp with slick from where your pussy dribbled down, both entrances sensitive and wet and achey.

His purr builds behind you as he feels and feels and feels. Exploring. His voice is warbly and deep from the purr. "I wish I had two pupholes like you do. Girl omegas are so lucky- can take so many knots at once. Knots are so cute and chubby, wanna bite ‘em."

You giggle and he joins you. Two omegas and a singular fever building between you. Neither of you are thinking straight. Neither in omegaspace nor out of it. "I don't think the alphas would appreciate that."

His fingers tread higher, pressing into your clit until you jerk, rubbing up and down it so that your happy scent bleeds higher and higher. Jungkook pinches, and you try to grab his wrist. Gasping and jerking forward.

Jungkook tugs gently, back and forth, just like with your nipples and it's almost like he's trying to milk you there. your socked feet push at the nest but jungkook holds you and you can't get away from it. it's too much. The pleasure pain need of it is so intense you see black spots in your vision.

You're a little panicked, “Koo- koo- can't- please- they’ll be angry.”

“Let them be.”

But after another tug, He lets your clit go and you jerk, resting back against his front. Hiccuping. Jungkook's fingers stay like that between your legs, urging little 'ah ah ah's from your throat. But he doesn't get quite so rough with you again. This time- Jungkook stays soft.

Wetness and the sweetness of slick slowly building and building- not just from you. Jungkook stops teasing you quite so bad and just leaves his fingers at the precipice of entering you. Plugging up the slick and keeping it from dripping out. Resting his fingers just there inside of you, almost like reverse cockwarming. Like he's keeping your hole warm and stretched around his fingers. Ready for the alpha's later.

It's a little maddening. Having him just touch but not move. Have him guard your holes and settle back. There's very little satisfaction in it.

Sweat drips down your temple, Jungkook leans forward to nuzzle it and lap at your cheek.

You're still like that, legs splayed so that Jungkook can play with you and on display When Namjoon and Yoongi round the corner into the nest room.

You jolt at the sudden surprise and try to close your legs, but Jungkook keeps them open with messy fingers. Slick turning your skin glossy when Jungkook holds your thigh open. Yoongi's chest heaves, and he curses low, "Jesus Koo you-" Yoongi actually laughs. Rubbing at his face, cheeks pink.

Namjoon is not amused, eyes going dark. Especially once Jungkook takes his fingers away and lets you gush, just a little. A barely visible trail of slick dripping from one hole to the other as they watch. Yoongi's Addams apple bobs as he swallows.

Namjoon's wearing a dark red mark on his collarbone (probably from Jin given once he caught him) The top of his shoulders crested with faint wetness like he'd unintentionally gotten stuck under the spray of the shower upstairs. But Namjoon looks…steamy. Steaming with anger once Jungkook’s fingers tread lower. He takes your slick and feeds it back up to your fluttering entrance.

It's sort of hot, you clench around Jungkook's fingers and both of them- both Namjoon and Yoongi look, watching. Yoongi covers his mouth, "fuck Jungkook you can't-"

You can feel Jungkook’s grin pressed to the back of your neck, you know what his eyes look like- owlish over the top of your head. Namjoon glares from the doorway, as Jungkook's fingers just barely tread inside and you mewl softly. jungkook spreads his fingers, Holding you open and showing your alpha and your mate how warm and wet you are. Don't they want a taste? Don't they want to feel inside? Jungkook can feel and it’s ////heavenly.

Namjoon's foot depresses the edge of the nest. “Touching what isn’t yours Koo?" Namjoon shakes his head, jaw rolling. "You know better.”

Jungkook does not go easily. Namjoon ends up having to call for backup. Jimin almost slips coming down the stairs. The wooden thud of his ass connected with a step resounding through the house.

Things go from being good to being scary to being good again so fast it gives you whiplash.

Yoongi helps you sit up on your thighs, still too shakey to stand. You don’t need to be held while Jungkook twists and rolls out of Namjoon and Jimin’s hold laughing all the while. The alpha's groan in frustration, unable to get their arms around him for long, unable to subdue him. Both of you watch, Yoongi leans down to kiss your forehead, "You okay?" you shift, uncomfortable. And he produces a wipe from somewhere a hidden stash of clean-up items in the rim of the nest. "Messy there?" he knows you so well. Hands it over rather than clean you himself. Although it's mostly a lost cause.

Jungkook laughs and rolls again while Namjoon curses. Cheek’s pink, scent sweetening while being chased. “Every time” Yoongi informs you, “every time- every heat- Jungkook makes the alpha’s chase him.” His giggle warms your back.

 Jimin tries to get his hands around Jungkook’s wrists but he twists and twists and twists.

You giggle from the nest, at their frustration, at how Jungkook’s clearly enjoying himself. Dodging their hands. But then there’s Tae, there by the door, Crossing her arms and waiting expectantly. All but tapping her slippered foot. Staring down at him completely unimpressed.

It takes them a second to spot her. Jimin does first, straightening up immediately once he spots her glower. Jungkook does not spot her as quickly sliding to the floor with his hands around Namjoon’s waist, grinning, cheeks pink and eyes hazy. Almost pulling his pants down with how tight he grapples with him.

"Jungkook.”

Jungkook looks up, face going pale, shooting to his feet in front of her. Not flinching when she reaches out and pinches his nape. Jungkook lets her and whines through it. “There we go pup, you just needed someone to make you listen huh? Come upstairs. Now.” Jungkook follows, as if in a trance. Unable to tear his eyes away from her. Obediently holding her hand, looking scolded and mildly scared.

Your mate huffs and leans over to scoop you closer, but you squirm. Remembering his promise to let you go outside of the nest once you'd showered.

“Tae is kinda scary when she wants to be.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, staring after her lovingly.

“Do you think you could eat some more breakfast?”

“Maybe.” You say, and Yoongi smiles sweetly. With his arms around you, it's the calmest you've felt, the gentlest you've felt all morning. It's not like omegaspace- although you know you're in it, as you whine against his throat.

Yoongi smiles, “I’ll take that. C’m on.”

You know what awaits Jungkook upstairs, a spanking over the clothes and not under because that would be giving in too much. And any more would surely send Jungkook hurtling straight past pre-heat and into heat.

Jungkook doesn’t understand what the big deal is, it’s going to be a shit show anyways, with three omegas in heat and only 5 packmates to help them through it. It means that no one will be offered a full heat spike of time in between knotting's. Even less because Yoongi doesn’t have a knot (obviously) and probably won’t be able to help as much with Jungkook and Jin like he used to.

Judging from the way you wrap yourself around his back and stubbornly refuse to go anywhere- he’ll be preoccupied during your heat. You stare at Yoongi as he guides you to the kitchen, bumping into the couch and the walls because you don’t want to stop looking. Hobi laughs, coming around you, guiding you away from the lamp. He doesn’t ask what you’re doing out of the nest. He already knows. He’s toting Jin behind him- who looks sleepy and soft and scrubbed raw.

He doesn't talk, probably can't with the strength of his purrs as Hobi sits him down at the kitchen island and starts feeding him. You stubbornly refuse to sit anywhere but Yoongi's lap. A predicament that Yoongi is only too happy to have himself in. Enough that Hobi leans over and teases you with a pinch to your scent gland.

“Huh, maybe you won’t even need us, just want your mate huh?”

“Jinnie and Yoongi and Koo- please Koo,” you parrot, feeling small. Eyes upturned at Yoongi, asking him so nicely for it that he can't help but squeeze around your waist extra tight. You let out a little squeak. As if on cue from upstairs, you hear a loud shout, a tumble, a giggle. Probably the alpha's manhandling Jk into the tub and Jungkook making them work for it.

Yoongi is quite plainly using your squishy-at-the-edges state to ply you with enough fruit to fill your tummy and hopefully tide you over. Getting you to eat over the next few days will be difficult, and he’s trying (and succeeding) to fatten you up in the meantime- just a little.

Most of the food and fruit- the pack's usual rut and heat staples, were prepped yesterday by the others during Yoongi's staring match with the street. The food is mild enough that it won’t bother your stomach.

You are utterly obedient whenever he holds out a piece of food, lips closing around his fingers, chewing and looking up at him, listless almost not blinking. The next time he feeds you- you bite down past the fruit and onto his fingers. Jin has to lean over to pinch your jaw to get you to let go. "Sorry," you say, licking your teeth. Aching and aching and aching. "Didn't mean to just-"

"It's okay." Yoongi just wipes his fingers on a nearby cloth, "You can bite me all you like."

"Can I?" you ask, almost excited for it.

"Of course, I'm yours." You purr, and park for face in Yoongi's throat, and really- it works against him, because now he can't get you to eat anymore, can't until he sighs and starts to pop the buttons on his sleep shirt. "There, happy now?" You suck hickey after hickey onto Yoongi's chest. Echoing each mark for a bit of food.

Hobi leaves because Tae calls for him, not upstairs but from the nesting room, leaving you, Jin, and Yoongi to eat. Eventually, you push at Yoongi's hands, nudging him to the pack omega. Jin eats slowly, eyes on you, pink-cheeked and slow. You're starting to burn a fever and Yoongi and Jin both know it won't go away.

"How will I know when my heat's hitting?" You'd asked earlier, "You'll know" is all Jinnie had said.

When the fruit is maybe half finished you start to hear it- some shouting from the other room. Not Jungkook, not even Hobi who returned upstairs to give Jungkook the remainder of his bath but is coming down now. Jungkook like you- had refused all but one item of clothing at this point. Is only in shorts. Yoongi does not let you scent him as you walk by. Joining the sound of Jimin, Namjoon, and Tae arguing in the other room.

It's a little silly when you see.

They've got the pack's sex toy boxes open in front of them, knots and cocks and dildos all laid out on the edge of the nest, big ones and colorful ones and ones with knotting attachments. The pack doesn't see these things as their replacement but as their best asset in heat.

And yet, they bicker.

"There's just no way- I know you want to do this heat all-natural hyung. But we won't be able to."

"Not unless we take fucking Viagra or something." Tae doesn’t laugh, a clawed hand over her face.

"No way, no one is taking anything. Mini- we can make due."

"My knot is gonna fall off hyung."

"It is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

They're all overtired, instincts awake and exerted, just the same as you. Yoongi steps through you and Jin to go comfort them at the same moment that Hobi lets go of Jungkook's wrist. The rest of them are inside of the nest room leaving You, Jungkook, and Jin out in the hallway.  

Jungkook widens his stance. Just a little. Powerful thighs tensing.

(At the end of the day, your heat is less of a controlled burn, and more of an explosion)

His dark eyes are wide, tracking the alpha movements, you watch Jungkook watch them. Feeling the sluggish thump of your heartbeat. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Jin mirror him. Feet shoulder with apart, at the ready.

Your heart thuds loud in your ears as you watch the alpha's movements too. All of a sudden, you can't take your eyes off of them. They’re not a threat but not not a threat. You're closest but you still brace yourself.

You physically watch the hair stand up on Namjoon's neck, and the alpha's turn slow. Eyes narrowing. Jin's hand slides from your wrists to your hand, giving you a squeeze before he lets go. Jin's grinning. So is Jungkook- it's a little feral- but it feels it feels-

There is a heat under your skin, burning everywhere your body touches that's not them, like a brand or maybe like a freshly forged string of fate.

it feels Good, it burns but you feel free. Your instincts course through you like adrenaline only worse. You do not feel settled, you feel alive and wild. Strong and powerful. You feel ready. All three of your scents swell sweet, building and building on each other, you sway, a little unsteady. Teetering.

Namjoon's eyes are so wide they could be mini-moons. His chest rippled with a warning growl. "Omega." It's a warning, the lethal purr in Namjoon’s tone says no nonsense will be tolerated.

 Jungkook takes it as a challenge.

For a second, no one moves and no one breathes, but then you're scattering like the rats from Ratatouille. The omegas running and giggling down the hall and the alpha bolting after you, trying to catch you. Legs pumping, moving against the floor.

Yoongi bolts, anticipating your movement the second before you do. He's quicker than all the alphas and he goes for you first. Grabbing you and heaving you up as you giggle and kick your feet the alpha shoots past you.

"No! I've gotta!"

Omegaspace zoomies are so much fun, Yoongi is grinning, lets you down, lets you take another step before he's trying to scoop you up again. A cat playing with a mouse, letting it get a bit farther away before you pounce.

Only you have learned, you did learn from Jungkook earlier, because you twist out of Yoongi's arms.

"Oh no you don't-"

Namjoon lunges for Jin but the pack omega dodges and Namjoon's arms close around nothing. Jungkook is the fastest by far and Jimin's legs pump, almost sliding across the smooth polished floor to get to Jungkook. The omega laughs as he slips out of Jimin's grasp.

You try to follow them but you don't get very far, someone's hands around your wrist that almost tugs you clean off your feet but into a pair of arms. Several pairs of arms, sweet smelling and victorious surround you.

Really, you never had a chance.

There is something in your instinct settled by it, by being chased and restrained. Your alphas can’t have you unless they try- unless they try really really hard to catch you. they won’t be able to take the sweetness between your legs and do something with it unless they earn it.

You get dragged to the floor. Tae's dress feels silky against your shins. Yoongi's hands are rough on your shoulders. Hobi's touch- hard against your thigh. you laugh and try to roll again but this time- you are unable to get away from them.

You look up at them and whimper. Parting your legs in defeat. hot, you feel hot all over.

Yoongi doesn't hesitate, palms you blatantly between your legs. "is this what you needed sweetheart? A little bit of roughness. you're too delicate. too little for things like this. almost makes me think you don't want us to be gentle with you."

you're so hot you feel like you're burning, whimpering out something that sounds suspiciously like "please"

"you need to ask."

you can do little more but chirp in reply. but yoongi wasn't really expecting anything coherent from you at this point.

Jungkook gets the farthest. Almost to the end of the hall before Jimin bares down upon him, pushing him almost to the floor. Jungkook's mouth open in a soundless snarl. Face more animal than human as he paws at Jimin's body. Neither trying to hurt him or pleasure him. Needy and feral.

Jimin tries to turn him over, to get him to present but Jungkook won't. Not until he's in the nest. You should be trying harder to get away. Harder to get out of Yoongi's hands around your waist but you don't, too busy watching.

Namjoon and Jin are similarly wrestling. A little less far into the hall but still farther than you got. The pack omega is belly up, not belly down, making Namjoon work for it to try and twist him around. It's feral and it's a little primal. The way that Namjoon nips at his throat. Jin tries to kick at Namjoon's thigh but Namjoon grabs it and pulls him back by his ankle, Jin's whole body sliding on the floor. 

Tae grabs one of your wrists and Hobi grabs the other, yoongi hooks his fingers into your pussy, one hand around your middle and in a feat of strength that impresses you the small tiny corner of your brain that's lucid- he picks you up off the floor. Heaving you up back towards the nest. Towards safety. yoongi's fingers leave you and you want them back instantly. crying for it.

Jimin throws Jungkook over his shoulder. Namjoon and Jin keep fighting, too evenly matched. Another alpha will have to help him settle the pack omega. Once you’re in the nest, once you’re knotted and docile and fucked so full you can’t move.

You grind back against Yoongi's hips, feeling the hardness there, the cock that's yours yours yours. Almost giddy at the prospect of getting put in your place.

You grin and taste blood.

~-~

Come tell me what you liked about this chapter!

Birthday Pup list

Notes

this is another chapter of mindless fluff- mostly because i just could not edit it in time with the last chapter.

i feel like i need to warn you guys that the next chapter! the heat sex stuff! will not be able to be posted for at least another two weeks because i am going away next weekend to the west coast to help my older sister shop for her wedding dress. i wish i was one of the those people who could write on planes but i can'ttttt i have about 3k already written for it but! it's going to take me a minute and i'm sorry!

i didn't origionally intend for there to be so much body worship in this- but i think given the m/c's internal monolouge early in the series, a bit of tummy worship can't hurt.

m/c, me, and everyone looking at jk: i wanna knock him up.

i think i may have gone a bit far with the jin wanting to brestfeed the m/c thing, but i cant even help it it makes me feel so soft in like a horny sort of way i loveeeee it

i don't know why i love the idea of woumb fucking so much, like listen- i know that it's physically impossible in humans and like- that it's all just a fantasy but i love this fantasy.

there was surprisingly more smut in this chapter than i originally intended.

i am also usually not a fan of booty stuff but??? jk + booty stuff??? yes please give it to me, i love that he just plays the m/c like a fiddle.

maybe the use of 'puphole' is cringey but it's also so cute and lewd i like it. let me know if it squiks you or not.

i think i might...be into pussy torture a little...like when jk pinches her clit and is a little mean thats like- so my thing you know. jk goes so feral.

this chapter is a little less like "there are concrete things that happen" and more just me thinking of things i want to write and putting it in <3

[jensettermandu]

six feet under - yu jimin

genre; smut, angst, hurt/comfort

pairing; karina x g!p reader

content; despite the title there's no character death (it's just for metaphors) , unhealthy relationship; lack of communication , difficulty dealing with acceptance/reality , unintentionally hurting e/o , smut; p in v :D , unprotected sex , top karina/service bottom reader , oral (reader giving) , slight breast play , some praising

synopsis; it had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. it helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. to hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be.

wc; 15.6k+

masterlist.

It had always been said that nothing stays the same, it had been said ever since they were little kids and that acceptance of it was important. It helped move forward because dwelling in a past that no longer existed did no one any good. To hang onto something that didn’t exist meant falling to the deepest parts of hell willingly because no matter how much it hurt it felt like it was worth it the second they looked back at what it used to be. 

The silence could almost be dreading, it was so loud that it vibrated through their ribcage. It was so loud with their thoughts that they had no clue what to do. Love could be so many things, couldn’t it? It also meant that love got mistaken a lot of times too. It could make a bed feel comfortable, one they would always want to be at the end of every night, but it would always feel cold with spaces bigger than the ocean even if they were just an inch away. 

At times it felt like acknowledging the damage would only damage the rest of the world too if it was brought up. It was for everyone’s best and they could silently try to fix the damage with minimum casualties around them.

They both fell blind and only realised that they forgot to do something about it when they were dragged out of the daydreams and brought back to reality. The daydream that was the past was what made Y/n look away from her monitor once her eyes fell on the time at the bottom corner. She slipped the headphones off of her head, loose bangs falling over her forehead as they no longer were held back by the gear and she turned the chair around. Her eyes fell on the bed that was empty despite it being 0:30 AM. 

Routines changed, but they stayed. 

It had become a game of avoiding the other to not bring up the actual problems. Y/n indulged in her video games the whole day so they could avoid even looking at each other. She hadn’t spared Jimin a single glance but was now looking at the empty bed with sentiment filling her veins heavily. She deeply inhaled, trying to fill her lungs with oxygen to air out the sadness and hang on to the hope of stitching the torn back together. 

It was harder than it looked though when she had no clue how to put together a world that had been caught in a landslide and pulled them apart. It was all drifting apart, burning bridges they couldn’t stop imagining still existed. All they did was stand and look at it happening because there was nothing that they could do about these new feelings. 

She placed the headset onto the desk and reached over to the power button on the PC, her index finger coming in contact with it. Y/n pressed it and still deep in lamentful thoughts she held it for a while longer than needed before letting go. 

Just as she stood up the door opened and her tired eyes landed on Jimin whose gaze immediately was drawn to Y/n despite how far away they were. It was time to let go, but all that heaviness caused by the thoughts of finally mending their worlds and leaving the one they had built together in the past was hard to get rid of. There were so many reasons that told them to let go, but so many that told them to stay because of what once was their everything. 

“I just have to take a quick shower.” Jimin nodded at that as she stepped inside the room, leaving the door ajar as she knew what it meant. It was too cold to fall asleep beside each other on the bed, it was too uncertain of what they should do in the familiar sheets. It was easier to fall asleep alone, but it was difficult to sleep fully through the night if they weren’t both in bed at the same time. 

It had become a routine of leaving to let the other fall asleep before getting in bed too. The shower felt agonising, unsure if she had been in there long enough or if she should stay and continue to ponder. Everything around them still felt the same, but on the inside everything was different. Was it because of how suddenly it had happened? Was it because it was scary to let go of something that used to be all their comfort, scared that it was their only comfort after being it for so long? Was it because of how much they still had for each other? 

What if they got lost and became wanderers once they would let go of each other and would end up walking life without a goal to reach?

The shower felt like the only place where she could ponder now since it felt like it was too much to cry in front of each other. That would mean that they would have to talk about what was wrong and what they had to do, to do the things they weren’t ready for. The past felt so worth holding onto despite the feelings of the future never looking like they imagined. 

It was like every other time when Y/n walked back to the room, she quietly opened it, stepping inside the warmth and the comforting scent of Jimin that lingered in the air. Was it because all these things still brought her warmth and comfort? Her eyes landed on the bed that wasn’t empty this time, but would still feel cold once she settled in it. Never did they do it intentionally, but it had started happening at some point and there was nothing they could do to stop it. 

She couldn’t just not care, she always did and always would as she threw her black hoodie onto the backrest of the swivel chair she had been sitting in earlier. It merely made a sound when it landed on the chair and she walked a few small steps over to the edge of the bed where Jimin was lying. 

It had become a new routine to just stare at Jimin from a distance while trying to figure out what exactly was wrong between them. She had always adored the girl whether with words or just by looking at her from across a room, but this was different despite the adoration. This always made her eyes look a certain way, a way that whenever Jimin caught Y/n looking at her she could tell what she was thinking and Jimin found herself leaving to wipe away her tears. 

So Y/n was crouched down right by Jimin who was asleep on the bed, her head tilting as a small frown adorned her features in thought. The longer she thought the more it all felt like a pipe dream as her eyes lingered on the girl's soft features Y/n adored. The white duvet pulled up to her chin and the younger reached over to Jimin, gently grazing her fingers over the tender skin. Nothing about it had changed, it still felt as good as it always had under her fingertips. 

She pushed back some of the loose strands away from the sleeping girl’s face before she pulled her hand away fully, scared that she would wake her up, that Jimin would pull away from her touch, that they would both freeze and then go back to pretending. 

Y/n sighed at the feelings she couldn’t decipher anymore and her forehead rested on the edge of the bed for a few seconds as she closed her eyes tightly. Her fists clenched and so did her jaw to shut out everything, the landslide wiped away from her mind, the future too, the past stayed as she fished for the answers from the burning bridge. She was utterly confused, she was so lost in that field where everything had burned to the ground. 

Where did it all go? When did it all disappear?

She deeply inhaled and raised her head, shakily letting out her breath, doing it slowly to not wake Jimin up. Her fingers peeled at the cover, the small bear coming into view that Jimin was hugging–it was Y/n’s childhood plushie, but the comfort that it had held once had been transferred to Jimin. She had no clue if Jimin had transferred it further or if she still held onto it. It felt too cold at times, but they were still hanging on to the daydream.

“Goodnight, angel.” Her fists gripped onto the sheets as she left a ghost-like peck against Jimin’s soft cheek while standing up before climbing carefully over the girl to lie down by the wall. Y/n got under the duvet and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling that was empty while her head raced with thoughts that would make falling asleep so much harder. The itch to hold each other, but the fear of it not feeling the same anymore kept them at a distance and so the ache grew, but the silence didn’t dissipate. It was loud enough to mask the sounds of the heartbreak. 

Jimin heaved a sigh, her eyes opening in the silent room, knowing that Y/n was lying just behind her, but she wasn’t able to feel her. The simple peck, the brush of fingers against her skin, the goodnight, the innocent pet name; all made her eyes burn hot in the freezing weather that the room was in. It made her stiffen up her lower lip to try and keep them at bay, clutching the little bear harder, burying her nose into its brown fuzzy fur. 

Each time she blinked her eyes its fur soaked up the tears, being the only witness of them, the only thing wiping them for her, holding her sorrows inside its small frame. She was afraid that it would overfill soon enough, that the bear would turn salty and bitter from her tears, and that it wouldn’t want to give her any more comfort because of that. She longed, but they flew apart and she couldn’t figure out what exactly she longed for as Jimin felt just as lost and confused about everything as Y/n was. 

Was it all broken or just bent? She had no clue, Jimin didn’t even know what exactly it was that was wrong. Or maybe she knew just what was wrong, but pretended that she didn’t?

It echoed in Y/n’s head after the alarm had gone off around 6 AM and she had turned it off–their last rehearsal before they were off to Tokyo, Japan. What their mornings used to look like kept replaying in her head, the sounds of them like an echo of silence now because they no longer happened. There was no room filled with giggles despite it being early at dawn or noon. No words that were sweet affection were exchanged between them. There was no holding each other, hugging, kissing, and just being there with each other, close and content.

Neither could remember the last time they had said an ‘I love you’ to each other. 

It used to be always in the mornings, before bed and throughout the day. 

It made Y/n exhale while turning to lay on her back as they slept with their backs turned to each other. She tiredly stared at the ceiling unable not to look over at Jimin whose back was still turned to her, it was like a big ice wall fell and blocked them off. ‘It’s fine’ kept repeating itself in Y/n’s head as she pursed her lips and grabbed her phone to see that the time still flew and didn’t wait for them. It did not wait and they were wasting time away from each other when they could be making it meaningful. 

The footsteps outside were heard now and Y/n knew that they didn’t have more time to sit and wallow in their sorrows of holding onto something that wasn’t there. 

“We have to start getting up.” The girl mumbled just to make sure that the first alarm had managed to wake up Jimin. It did for Y/n because she hadn’t been able to fall into a deep slumber because of all the thoughts.

It was harsh, it was like a strong tornado carrying all types of feelings in it came through the room and cut through Y/n’s skin. “I know, Y/n.” The softness was gone and Y/n bit her lower lip because despite it all they hadn’t been like two snakes around each other, ready to bite and leave venom any second. They hadn’t tried to make it sting more than it already did, but it seemed impossible to do for too long. 

The younger still caught the sweet scent of Jimin that made the moment slightly less bitter, reminding her of all the good times when she’d be drowned in the scent. The duvet was thrown off of Jimin who got up from the bed, grabbing the hoodie from the chair on her way and all she left behind was a whirlwind of unspoken emotions after leaving the door ajar when she walked out. 

Y/n grabbed the little bear that fell beside her and stared at it, looking for answers in the tears she knew that Jimin was shedding every night. She pretended that she didn’t hear it, that she was asleep, that she simply didn’t know that she was making the girl cry. It was easier that way and in the morning she would look at the bear and still get no answers. She couldn’t acknowledge her silent cries because they would have to do something about everything if she did. 

Practice went as usual, almost as usual for the two of them. They both wondered if the rest had noticed their lack of communication and how they occupied themselves with the others to not make eye contact by accident. If they did notice, it wasn’t like any of them would comment on it since Y/n and Jimin’s relationship wasn’t their business. 

It didn’t even seem to be Jimin and Y/n’s business anymore as neither of them spoke about it. 

Still half panting, Y/n sat on the couch with Minjeong as the two got engulfed in the Nintendo 3DS Y/n had brought with her. There was an emptiness that she hadn’t been able to grow used to, she had become so used to having someone always right next to her for the past three years. It wasn’t constant clinging to each other, but even the small things such as brushing their legs or glancing at each other. The loss of that made a void grow bigger each second and the only thing that would fill it was if things went back to how they used to be.

It made Y/n wonder if Jimin felt the same and so she glanced away from the game, her eyes landing on her girlfriend. She was so used to it so she wasn’t sure if it was Jimin specifically or just a habit that was hard to let go of now, all that affection. The girl was busy talking to Aeri and no matter what they were doing someone’s back was always turned to the other. Y/n’s hoodie-clad the girl’s upper body and Y/n tilted her head, thinking about how maybe that was what brought Jimin the comfort of having someone next to her, just the warmth and scent. 

Their confusion about the situation was what made it hard for them to get back to the intimacy they used to share.

The door opened and Ning walked in with their manager, catching everyone’s attention as it got noisier when they started to all converse while making it to the couch. However, Y/n looked back down at the 3DS to occupy her eyes with something for a few more seconds to not try to figure out where Jimin would sit this time. 

Aeri was about to sit on the wooden floor, her eyes seeing the lone spot left beside Y/n as Ning was already on the floor by Minjeong’s legs with her drink and one of the pastries. Jimin made sure to insist that she could take the spot, but it still left her in an awkward spot on the floor by Y/n’s legs. Her shoulder brushed against them, bumping into each other constantly and she couldn’t bring herself to sit still, especially not when all the emotions were bubbling inside her. 

She couldn’t remember being this emotional before. 

How else was she supposed to be when everything felt out of control and she had no clue what to do? There was nothing she could do no matter how hard she tried to catch everything only for it to slip right through her fingers. 

Jimin wanted to cry when she took a sip of her drink and something just had to top it all off when her order seemed nothing but wrong. Everything in her life was crumbling, she was in pure distress and despair. However, things only could get worse–they had yet to reach the bottom–and not better because among the cold there was always a warmth as she tried to stop the pout on her lips while staring at her drink. 

Jimin felt like a puddle of water in the middle of the road, no one appreciated them and walked around them and all they did was harbour filth; filth being these feelings that only grew bigger, the mess of a puddle becoming bigger too. 

She looked up at the hand that took her drink, her glossy eyes meeting Y/n’s for a split second. 

The younger felt a heat shoot through her body, it was as if she broke a limb at the pain that she felt seeing Jimin actually harbour these tears and not just cry at night when she thought that Y/n was asleep. It hurt her chest, she cared about Jimin, and she knew that she always would because before she became her lover she was her best friend and member. Maybe that's why it hurt even more. Y/n had no clue who she lost in this silent war they were stuck in. 

Was she losing a lover? A best friend? A member?

“You can have mine.” Y/n knew her, Jimin hated it because it made everything even harder and Y/n could see the way the tears grew as quickly as a high tide in the girl’s eyes. She looked hurt, she was hurting, they were hurting, but they continued to do so without saying anything. Why could Y/n tell from a certain pout that Jimin wasn’t satisfied with her food or drink? Why did they have to be so caring for each other? It made cold things warm and they had no clue why things were cold to begin with.

They didn’t want to lose it.

She took the iced green tea she knew that Y/n loved and the younger took her drink. All it took was a sip of it and it all got overwhelming once again because the thoughts didn’t stop crashing inside of her head, exploding and occupying every corner of her mind. It made her wonder if Y/n was busy thinking the same things throughout her whole day too and the thought of being the only one to do so hurt immensely. 

“I will be back–restroom.”

The girls hummed, going back to what they were doing as Jimin excused herself, leaving everything behind her and she wished she could do that with the reality that she didn’t want to live in. It was haunting her. 

She missed the days when her biggest worries in a relationship were that the promised forever wouldn’t be long enough and not that everything had possibly dropped dead like flies around them, that the forever would never happen. It was a painfully slow dance in a burning room that neither of them left just to see if they could still survive once everything had crumbled fully and the smoke had filled their lungs.

Y/n knew that letting time pass would be too painful to sit through. Nothing was waiting for them. Even if it meant a bigger gap, she gave her 3DS to Minjeong who continued on the game while Y/n had become a pawn in a game no one was controlling. It was a game of chaos no one could cultivate anything out of, no order, no logic, no helpful solutions. This was a game of walking a thin line of nothing and everything. 

It was too tiring, walking inside the bathroom felt like getting locked in the confines of a place where no one would ever find her, no one would see her. No one would see if Jimin broke down in the bathroom and it made relief wash over her and the tears spilled like a broken dam. That was all it took and she tried to calm down, but it wasn’t possible as she turned on the faucet, letting it run to drown out her snivels and deep breaths. 

It was exhausting to be crying almost every day, she didn’t know what sleep was anymore and all she lived for was sorrow, she lived to continue hurting. 

Why did they make something simple so complicated? Love was what made it complicated. 

She used the pads of her palms and wiped at her eyes while tilting her head back and letting out a shaky breath. It felt like there was no calming down from this and each second only made it worse. The silence despite the running water, the echoes in the tiled bathroom, and the stalls empty. 

Jimin could still remember all the other times she had been crying in the same bathroom when everything felt like it was all for nothing because she couldn’t feel fulfilment despite her achievements. She could remember the way her girlfriend would end up in the same bathroom, coaxing it all out of her, taking all her burdens and carrying them for her. Could Y/n do the same thing now when they both were in the same shoes?

Everything reminded her of Y/n except Y/n herself. They both felt distant and like different people. 

Even the light knock on the door was familiar and she took in a shuddering breath, turning to look at Y/n when she opened the door. It fell closed right after, her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants, restricting herself from all those instincts that always kicked in. Her eyes followed the hesitance that was clear in Jimin’s body that pulled to Y/n, but with so much trouble as she held the sleeve of the hoodie against her trembling lips. 

“Come on,” Y/n mumbled, knowing that it was all that was needed to get the girl to just break down fully. “It’s okay to not be okay,” she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s shoulders who shook in her arms. The hot tears were burning against her pale skin, wetting her neck, trailing down and spilling like they never had before. Her cheek rested against the side of Jimin’s head, pulling her closer to her body, into her warmth because it was all still the same, but it felt different. 

What was it that exactly wasn’t okay? It wasn’t just them themselves, but them together and it ended up making both of them not feel okay. 

Jimin tightly wrapped her arms around Y/n’s waist, crying into her neck. She got pulled closer, her head being cradled by Y/n’s hand. All of it made it impossible to hold the walls up, the ones that were supposed to show that she wasn’t as bothered by it as she truly was. In reality, Jimin could barely breathe through it without falling into a panic attack. Hearing Y/n’s words, and hearing that it was okay made it so much easier to let it all out, especially when she was with the girl and held by her. 

The reassurance that it was okay to cry about the landslide made it easier. Y/n recognised the burdens and Jimin wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry for how I took it out on you in the morning.” Y/n only hummed, holding her close as Jimin had been a rose with its thorns aimed at Y/n since they woke up. From the harsh words to the ways she blatantly shut her out even when it was a small question not to her girlfriend but to the leader of Aespa. Jimin was scared and it was affecting her role as a leader too, as a member of the group. The fear was consuming her life fully and was getting in the way of everything. 

“I’m just so tired and I can barely sleep at night.” Or maybe she could sleep just fine but chose to cry at night instead of closing her eyes. She woke up more tired each day, every little second got more exhausting than the other. 

“I know, I’m sorry for all of this.” The younger knew all about it, but what she didn’t know was what exactly she was apologising for. Y/n knew that Jimin was crying at night because of what was happening between them, but she knew that it wasn’t her fault or Jimin’s. It was natural, it would have happened at some point, right? Y/n inhaled, closing her eyes because it hurt her, but seeing how much it affected Jimin made it hurt so much more and it made everything more complicated. 

“We can’t keep going without knowing where it’s all heading. I’m confused and–” Y/n stopped her before they got too deep into the truth because neither of them was ready to let go just yet, neither wanted to end it just yet. They needed some more time, some more time to find more than just one option to end their pain. There always was more than one choice. 

She pulled away from Jimin, her upper body lingered with the warmth that the shorter girl left after her. Jimin gripped at Y/n’s sweater, knowing that once they let go they would be apart for what would feel like years again. The void between them would become even bigger than it already was and they would avoid it for much longer. 

“I care about you, nothing will change that and it’s all fine, Jimin.” She held her face cupped in her hands, tears hitting her skin as the girl looked up at her with quivering eyes. They knew that these false paintings of their relationship would make them feel better for now. Not in the long run, but they tried to live in the present–it didn’t matter if they reminisced and avoided the problems of the present. 

Jimin blinked her eyes, trying her best to run into the daydream, trying to escape reality. Her eyes closed, hoping that she would be thrown into her daydream as Y/n kissed her forehead. 

She missed the pretty sunset sky, the fireworks, the green grass, the clouds that came in different shapes and would be fluffy. It was like a childish dream and possibly some people had been right when they said that young love was complicated. It wasn’t like they cared, they had always felt like teenagers in love with each other. 

Why wasn’t it working though? Where did it all go? It no longer felt like a daydream. It no longer felt like it used to do. 

It was so difficult to grasp something that physically wasn’t there, neither of them could grasp it, at the feelings. Love was so beautifully painful the way it painted them with all these different colours. The canvas would always be filled with them and to the eye it would always be beautiful but to the souls that served as the canvas it would always be heaven and hell. Among white there was blue, among blue there was green, among green there was red and it went on. 

The daydream was constantly corrupted by the harsh reality. 

It was like walking a tightrope.

The smallest mistakes felt deadly.

The stupidest mistakes.

It would be laughable if it weren’t for the fact that there was so much on the line. 

It was part of the social culture and Y/n had happened to fall victim to it because a few cigarettes had turned into a pack or two a week. What were her reasons? Probably all that went on in her hectic life, but it hadn’t been easy to sneak around with an addiction. It got especially hard when the dorm arrangements changed because she and Jimin got together. 

Y/n had managed to sneak around for a whole two months. All it took was one week of sharing a room with Jimin who gave up on pretending that she didn’t notice the lingering smell of tobacco on Y/n and slowly herself. 

‘Fine, I will quit for you.’

‘Not for me. For yourself and your health.’

‘Doing it for you makes it easier.’

‘Only if you don’t start doing it again. It will hurt to think that doing it for me wasn’t enough.’

‘I promise.’

Even the simplest promises were being broken. It felt all the more hopeless.

It was hard, to say the least with starting to dose down on how much she smoked until it was nothing at all. Y/n had never thought of herself as someone who grew addicted easily, but nicotine turned out to be a bitch and even a year and a half after quitting the cravings came back. There were certain times when they were extra tempting, it made her irritated and restless. It was times like these that she always had her substitutes for them, from nicotine patches to nicotine gum or simply Jimin. 

This time it felt like Jimin was the cause of the cravings. 

The world around them no longer felt real because of how they had surrounded themselves in a fake reality. 

“Did you slam the door in my face?” Venom, that was what Jimin spat out, pure venom behind her words as she locked the door to the green room. The rest were out and talking to their label mates, but it was better to make sure they didn’t walk in if they came back earlier. The last thing Jimin or Y/n wanted was for the rest to notice that everything around them was crumbling, that it had all become a smoke screen. 

Y/n inhaled deeply, rummaging through her stuff, ignoring the clatter as she was on the brink of losing it. “I didn’t and if I did, it wasn’t intentionally. I had no fucking clue you were behind me.” It was a low mutter, but it was just as poisonous as Jimin’s tone which had been louder. At the back of her head, Y/n had been expecting Jimin to be right behind her, she was the whole reason why she was buzzing with cravings. 

“You slammed it in my face and an apology wouldn’t hurt you, Y/n.” Jimin had no clue why she was letting it drag on. She could have dropped it, she was aware that Y/n didn’t know and even if she did, Jimin knew she deserved ten more doors slammed closed in her face. 

“You want me to apologise?” Y/n snapped that easily and it had never happened between the two of them–the cravings only made it worse together with the tension of constantly being on their guard not to let anything slip past them. 

They never really fought to begin with. All those small fights that never meant anything, that never held any real frustrations, it was different now. Those pent-up emotions came out and spilled right over the head of the other. Y/n wanted to throw it at Jimin because her girlfriend had been doing it since they landed in Tokyo. They were being petty for the sake of being it and not for any good causes. Y/n tossed the stuff onto the table, ignoring the even louder clatter of the things and continued to look through her stuff. 

“Called manners.” She commented. It was like she knew that something so simple would irk Y/n more than she already was, especially in this state.

“Oh, so Karina wants to talk manners.” Y/n huffed and turned around, leaning back against the table. Her arms crossed as she gripped onto her arms, hiding the tremor in her fingers as the anger and everything else was overwhelming. She hated fighting with the girl, but it felt inevitable when they were alone in the room with so much tension already lingering between them. 

The past couple of fights they’ve had been nothing but hurtful with no apologies after, pretending it never happened to begin with. 

Jimin’s eyes squinted at the words, Y/n barely called her by her stage name even when they were on stage. Hearing her bring it up was enough to let her know what Y/n was pointing at.

Jimin was falling under the pressure of juggling work and a relationship she could no longer figure out. It had never been a problem for them, but she felt like she had failed her role in the group by letting personal conflicts get in the way. 

Nonetheless, it would be impossible to admit to now when they were in an argument that grew by the second. 

“Don’t comment on my work ethic when you barely have yours under control. You’re being sensitive.” She argued, knowing very well that she had been letting her complex emotions and confusion about where she and Y/n were heading get in the way of her professionalism. 

“You’re the one crying over a door.” Y/n scoffed in disbelief, pointing at the door in question that was behind Jimin. The girl pulled on the strings of her hoodie in frustration at Y/n’s words. It only fueled her on, she couldn’t remember being able to get this angry with Y/n before, she had never thought that she could get angry with her. Or maybe it wasn’t anger that she felt towards Y/n, but just frustration because of how confusing their relationship had turned. How dead it was. 

Maybe she was angry at herself, at the world, or at how confusing love could be. She was angry at the fact that they let it die to begin with. 

“Because you slammed it in my face!” This time she let her voice fly way above what she imagined she would, her foot stomping down in frustration. The tears welled up in her eyes so easily, that constant haunting fragile mentality as everything was hurting and it didn’t let her breathe. 

“Because you are doing a shit job at being a leader!” Y/n watched Jimin pace around, watching how desperately she tried to get rid of her tears. Those tears of frustration, not knowing how else to take it out she yelled at Y/n and cried, but there was only so much that could cover her tears now. 

“Don’t comment on my work ethic, Y/n.” She repeated and found herself in front of Y/n, it almost felt dangerous to be so close to each other at a moment like this. It was scary because they had never had these fights and being so close to what used to be just comfort felt wrong, it felt wrong to bring these feelings into their safety net.

It ruined their purpose, the place they went to when they wanted to escape these feelings, the pressure, the world. It was all truly gone, wasn’t it?

She could feel it all spiral, leaving them with no control over what happened between them in the room.

“Someone has to when you forget how to separate relationships from work. Be a fucking leader and answer a fucking question instead of shutting me out because of our personal life.”

“It’s not easy when this is what it looks like!” She threw her arms, motioning to the mess they were together, the one they both had been avoiding because of how complicated it was. It was hard not to notice, but impossible to truly acknowledge and so it all mixed into everything else.  

“Nothing is ever easy for you, is it? That’s why I always become your punching bag when things go wrong.” The words left Y/n bitterly, her hands gripping onto the table behind her as she exhaled these deep breaths that helped with nothing. Watching Jimin with tears in her eyes wasn’t helping, but Y/n felt like the girl had been trampling all over her. She was using her title as a leader and girlfriend in a nonchalant way, she was neglecting Y/n as a member and not a lover. 

“That’s not true and you know it.” Jimin knew that it was all true, her tone faltering as she would feel even more guilty if she raised her voice to spit out lies. It hurt too much to say the truth of the situation. 

“It has been even more true lately,” Y/n muttered, her eyes leaving Jimin’s. 

It felt like the woman in front of her was trying to coax her into forgiving her without Jimin having to apologise. Y/n was done doing those things. She couldn’t put it all aside like all the other times when she accepted Jimin’s apologies she never even said. The ones where Y/n blatantly admitted to being wrong even when she wasn’t because she didn’t want to fight or see Jimin cry.

“Because–because—” Now came the difficult part for Jimin who had no good excuse for this and she knew that she was wrong. The problem bigger than this one was her pride and ego, they got in the way, especially now after how tense everything has been.  

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing is changing.” It made Jimin’s heart drop, Y/n’s stomach twisting at her own words that she never wanted to say. It was what it felt like though. 

She gently grabbed Jimin’s shoulder to have her step aside as she stood up to walk out the door. 

“Don’t say that.” A quiver fell from between her lips, a lump in Jimin’s throat that cut deep and made it all bleed much worse than it already was. Her hand grabbed Y/n’s to have her stay because, in the end, she didn’t want her lover to leave, not just yet and she quickly stopped in front of Y/n. She would never accept those words, not now at least because hearing them made her lightheaded, it made her chest clench and she wanted to collapse onto the floor to be swallowed before she could feel more pain.

“Where’s our manager? I need her to buy cig–”

“You’re not smoking just because things go wrong for us!” It wasn’t possible to speak with a quivering voice, it was too soft so she raised her voice again. She still cared about Y/n as a member, friend, lover and person, it didn’t matter what was going on between them. Jimin would always care about Y/n. Her hand bunched up the material of Y/n’s shirt in her hand as to keep the girl from leaving her. She refused to let go, in the end, she wasn’t supposed to want anything else but Y/n and even if her feelings were different she clung to that idea. 

That there was only one person for the both of them.

“Is this something else you want to cry about!? You didn’t bring my shit with you because you’re being petty and expect me to break habits.” It had become a habit, Jimin had become someone Y/n relied on with most of her things. If Jimin had been packing certain things for her it had become a habit that she would do it every time and it never crossed Y/n’s mind to do it herself anymore. 

It had never bothered Jimin either and now it was doing nothing but pissing both of them off. Those flaws they had accepted and learned to love before were nothing but a hassle to deal with now and they wanted the other to erase them and change. To change so they could learn to love these new people they would become.

“If you said that you quit for me then fucking keep the promise or will you break them all just because it isn’t working out for us at the moment? And I’m not your mother, Y/n, why do you rely on me packing your fucking things!” She shoved Y/n by the shoulder, wanting to get her away from her even for a split second because she was boiling over with emotions. It would never end well no matter who they were fighting with when there were too many emotions.

Jimin felt conflicted at her own pushing and pulling as she one second wanted no one but Y/n and the other second she couldn’t stand the girl.

“Everything I did for you feels like a waste at the moment when all you give me is headaches, Jimin.” Y/n’s voice was rough and loud, ignoring that they had more performances tomorrow. Jimin could feel the vibrations in her ribcage and she harshly wiped away the tears. It felt like Y/n didn’t deserve her tears at this exact moment, not after those words. She snivelled, still unable to stop them though because how couldn’t she cry when this was what they were now?

They continuously watched what they used to be washed away with each wave that clashed with their shore and dragged away the good to leave filth behind instead.

“I fucking regret even giving you an ounce of my time and life because you’re nothing but a pain to look after. You don’t get to be angry at me because I had to worry about not forgetting my stuff and yours on top of everything!” She couldn’t help but feel like all the blame was now coming her way and maybe she had let Y/n get too comfortable. Jimin couldn’t help it then, but the longer it went on the more she realised that it wouldn’t work that way. 

“You’re like a manchild for fuck’s sake.” Jimin groaned out as it continued to dawn upon her how much of an immature child Y/n could be. Had she been blind all this time? Why did she suddenly mind it? Why were these words even leaving her mouth when she had always loved and accepted Y/n for the person that she was? Were they just looking for reasons to make it all stop? 

“You made it a habit and I stuck to it. Suck it up the same way I have to suck up when I’m your punching bag whenever things don’t go your way.” Y/n couldn’t help but truly realise how much she always let Jimin get away with. The things she would say, the things she would do that hurt, Y/n always forgave her for every little thing because Jimin could do no wrong in her eyes. Jimin was spiralling right now because Y/n hadn’t forgiven her yet for how she had been pushing the younger girl around for the past few days as a member of the same group.

Here she was, still letting the woman in front of her shove her around and blame her for her own mistakes. The way she always forgave Jimin within seconds when she saw tears in her eyes even if Jimin was in the wrong. Y/n felt played by the older now as she realised how their dynamic had worked. 

Y/n would always be the one to take the blame even when it wasn’t hers to take. 

Jimin would always be the one to suffer from how much she took on herself willingly because Y/n couldn’t do it.

“You were playing video games instead of packing even after you saw how stressed I was with my stuff. You got upset over your motion sickness patches, your headphones, fucking lenses and now your gum. I’m fucking surprised you packed your clothes!” 

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t even enter the room without you getting pissed off because I would breathe. I’m not the one being immature but you, Jimin. You are the one who mixed our relationship into work, you’re the one who isn’t professional–” The older girl could feel herself boil over with anger with each point that Y/n made, each word pushing her closer to the edge. She felt like the points Y/n made were being invalidated, Y/n had yet to accept it for what it was and Jimin hated having the truth about herself being pointed out this way. 

“–the one to force habits and then thinking you can just switch them up within a second because you suddenly don’t like what you wanted. Not the whole world revolves around you, but you’ve been too fucking selfish lately to realise it.” Despite all the coldness between them and all that seemed gone, they hung on because every day small things happened that gave them hope–small gestures were enough and they were brought back to the past. It felt as if Jimin hadn’t been trying to work towards each other, but away from each other. “I’m always looking out for you and caring for you.”

Jimin was simply too scared to move anywhere at all because it felt like the smallest mistake would make what was left fall apart fully. She felt paralysed by how scared she was of the truth. It was like having bricks constantly pile on her chest, it was difficult to breathe with them there, and it was difficult to move with them there. The girl felt like she was chained to the pits of hell while staring up at heaven in hopes of it coming down to her. 

What it ended with was it looked like she was selfish for being too scared to move, as if she wanted the world to revolve around her. And maybe if it did it would make everything easier for her. 

“Go fuck yourself Y/n and stop trying to make yourself look like a hero when you make as many mistakes as I do.” Jimin scoffed and wiped at her eyes as she pushed past Y/n, they both felt completely neglected and invalidated by the other. The reality of what it always has been wasn’t easy to swallow because it had never bothered them until now. She was aware that she made mistakes, but Y/n made them too and couldn’t claim the title of a hero when they did as much caring as they did hurting.

Y/n turned on her heels as Jimin pushed past her, she could see the anger, despair and distress clouding her. It was like a grey cloud over their heads, constantly being there for them when they didn’t want it. “It doesn’t excuse your mistakes either and considering my girlfriend won’t do it, yeah, I will ‘cause she’s too busy being stuck up.” Y/n could tell that the last of her words were too much, that they were too disrespectful and insensitive, and that she shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now. Maybe Jimin was right about being nothing but a ‘manchild’. 

Y/n truly felt the consequences of her words when Jimin felt them dig deep into her heart and it was enough to throw everything else out. It was just for a second and she knew she could regret it and feel guilty about it later. The stinging on her palm would subside, but feeling disrespected by Y/n for the first time in her life would linger far longer as she turned back around and landed it across the younger’s cheek. 

“You’re an immature fucking child, Y/n. I’m not just for your pleasure and needs, so fucking respect me.” She spat out, holding onto the girl’s shirt with her stinging hand as it all shut Y/n up. The two were able to very clearly see through each other like glass, it wasn’t even like glass, but air from how clear it was and all they could see was pain and hurt. They caused each other pain and hurt and everything else they used to make each other feel was gone—but then came those moments where it wasn’t gone even if it was for a second and so they held on.

They both felt horrible as Jimin grabbed her things while wiping her tears, not sparing Y/n more glances. All she knew was that she needed to cry to let it all subside for even a bit. Y/n slumped down on the couch, the nicotine cravings slapped out of her. She held her cold palm against her cheek trying to ease the pulsating pain she knew she deserved and Jimin did too as they both were suffering for keeping each other chained down. 

Maybe they had never been perfect, to begin with.

Were all these things stuff they had always wanted to say and they now took the opportunity to do so since everything was already falling apart? Did they hold back on saying these things before because they were scared that they would ruin everything? Or were these things something that should have been brought up a long time ago to make it work out? 

They couldn’t answer that. No one could because it was too late.

Jimin had known that she would feel bad after, that the guilt would eat at her. She was terrified that their relationship had taken a new step forward, towards a goal they didn’t want to reach when Y/n slept in Minjeong’s hotel room. The two peers–in age–were close in the end and so Jimin spent the night tossing and turning wondering if the truth would come out now. That their love was under ruins, crushed and bleeding to death, setting the truth in stone and burying what they used to have six feet under to start a new life. 

She wondered if Y/n spent the whole night awake. Jimin could barely fall asleep knowing they were in the same bed, but with their backs turned to each other, let alone after what happened. She could barely sleep because of how her insides twisted in hopes of escaping to get away from the excruciating pain. The part of them being away after what went down only made her even more anxious. 

The girl got her answers the next day when Y/n was tired and Minjeong went on about her day without a single knowing glance or word. 

They had avoided each other unless they were on stage, but the second they came off it was back to normal. The new normal, they both missed the old normal but they seemingly couldn’t go back to it. 

Or so they thought because once again all that they had been missing poured over them like a rainstorm. 

The simple idea for all of them to go out and eat after the days of performing. There had been an undoubtful tension between the two and not for the same reason they would like to think. It felt horrible to sit beside each other without having apologised for what had happened. However, the longer they sat at the table the closer they seemed to get, but it could have been the alcohol in their veins. 

“I swear, it’s the first time these two aren’t all over each other.” 

Y/n felt a slight heat shoot through her, one of anxiety at Ning’s drunken words because now everyone seemed aware of the situation. It could have been the fact that they dared to speak up about it when they were drunk. Y/n didn’t know what it was, but she toyed with one of the side dishes, knowing that she and Jimin always got more affectionate when they were drunk.

“Tired, that’s all…” Y/n mumbled, trailing off as she looked over at Jimin who sat right beside her–the rest continuing the chatter. The two had been coming closer and closer with each shot of soju and every beer they finished. They could feel the other's heat on them, craving each other in this state no matter what had happened between them for the past months. They craved the affection of the other so much that it hurt, it was boiling from the inside and they were waiting for the other to cave in so they could be close. 

She watched for a second more as Jimin struggled with the marinated perilla leaf, lip between her teeth as she gently swayed, going over her limit this time. Y/n would always be the one to cave in for the older girl. Jimin rarely drank more than she could handle and even that was a lot, but Y/n could tell she was trying to drown herself further. The older woman was already drowning in all her emotions and trying to drown them in alcohol only intensified it all and Jimin felt like she would burst any second and start begging in front of everyone else. 

Y/n turned in her seat the slightest, her attention on the woman who was still the most beautiful one she had ever seen. The one she desired, but it was all so different no matter how beautiful they both were to each other. Her right hand reached over to Jimin, brushing the hair behind her ear and reaching with her left for the leaf. 

Eyes were glossed over, like polished glass from alcohol when Jimin finally looked up and Y/n picked up the leaf, her hand still holding back the hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. 

It was crushing both of them. Jimin felt her world brighten up with hope that had no space in their world anymore, but she wasn’t letting go yet. Y/n fed her with eyes gazing over Jimin’s features, feeling excruciating pain at the fact that she had made her cry, at the fact that they kept hurting each other unintentionally by holding on. It was worth it when these moments still managed to slip through the cracks and let in some light. 

Y/n let go of the latter's hair and wrapped her arm around Jimin’s waist when she leaned into her, resting her weight on Y/n’s side. Her hands found Y/n’s warmth as they pushed under the girl's loose sweater, doing all the holding on that she could. 

“I miss you.” They were sentimental words as Jimin gently whispered, her breath brushing over Y/n’s neck and the younger girl pulled her closer. Y/n took in a deep breath at how homesick she felt for a home she no longer had. They missed each other, they missed what they used to have, but no longer did and it dug into their hearts with no care, tearing them into pieces at how messy it felt. 

“I miss you–miss us,” Y/n mumbled, their world shutting the rest out, inhaling the smog-filled air of everything that had burned down to ashes. Jimin hummed as her eyes closed, hoping that the drunk sentiment would be able to suffice for now even if it was for just one night. All they needed was one night to figure it out, to get to feel what they missed and see if they could bring it all back to life. She felt Y/n’s soft lips press against her head and she nuzzled her face further into the scent that used to be a home and now was only what was left of one.

Her lips gently pressed over Y/n’s skin, her nails gently scratching over Y/n’s back as she moved her other hand up. She cupped the younger’s face, thumb caressing the porcelain-like skin she deeply regretted putting her hand on but she couldn’t regret it when she thought back on what they said to each other. Jimin deserved to suffer for her actions and Y/n deserved to suffer just as much. They would continue until they did the necessary.

Y/n got her head tilted down and looked at Jimin who rested her head against the younger’s shoulder. Her eyes pleaded for a remedy for all the heartbreak even if it was for just one night. To just get away from reality for a few hours. Her fingers brushed over Y/n’s cheek. Y/n gave a small nod and reached over for the beer she had left, finishing it and hoping it would all last long enough and not end the way it did a few days ago. 

“Will you guys mind if we leave early?” The girl asked, but it was already set in stone as she grabbed her jacket and helped Jimin up. They looked over at the two who were closer to each other than they had been for the past few months as Y/n put her jacket over Jimin. 

“Not at all,” Aeri replied, the rest humming in agreement.

It was a short walk to the hotel, wrapped up in each other the whole way and not letting go for a second as they walked in silence, scared to let go or say something that would make it difficult to be this way again. 

They at last did let go as they walked inside the hotel room, but it all shifted for a second as Y/n kicked off her shoes and sat down at the foot of the bed. There was no escaping this landslide, the clash that destroyed so much as she missed what she used to have with Jimin, but had no clue if they could get that back. It tied knots around her heart and tugged on it constantly. 

The latter managed to get her shoes off, the jacket falling after her as she walked over to Y/n. Despite the slight blur, she could see clearly through everything else and now was the only time she knew she could apologise. 

It used to be easier. 

“Y/n…” 

The girl took a deep breath and looked away from her hands and at Jimin who kneeled beside her. Her chin rested against Y/n’s thigh as she stared up at her girlfriend, her lower lip slightly jutted out. The younger one hummed, her hand running through Jimin’s hair as she caressed her scalp gently, missing the touch of someone else. The back of her fingers trailed over Jimin’s cold cheek who grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

The silence braced them as they stared at each other, heads tilting, ears filling with the heavy yet soft breaths from alcohol-filled veins, the buzz of the outside world only faint. That silence of acceptance of what their love was, what it used to be and how it no longer was. 

Jimin heaved a sigh and rested her cheek against Y/n’s thigh, staring off into the dimly lit hotel room. The sentiment of sorrow, sadness and nostalgia as everything had become too farro reach now and it would be hard to save anything. If they could continue to pretend then everything would go back to being fine. If they lived a lie long enough, it would become their reality. 

“I’m sorry about the other day—” She mumbled, slumped on the floor and her gaze moved as she tilted her head to look Y/n in the eye. Their eyes connected, filled with the buzz of alcohol, and the perception of the fake reality they had created in their head washed over them. Those small gestures that made hope wash over them wouldn’t change anything, would they? They didn’t want to think about it. “I shouldn’t have raised my hand,” her lips momentarily formed into a pout at the disdain she felt for her actions.

Jimin knew there was no excuse for it even if she felt like an emotional wreck. They were losing control and it was starting to deeply affect them. They were going full speed through crossings with no hands on the wheels, covering their eyes to not look at the truth and soon enough they would crash right into a wall. 

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Y/n always let Jimin get away with everything and nothing would probably ever change that.

Jimin shook her head, lifting it from Y/n’s thigh as she got up to stand on her two feet. Y/n’s fingers tangled into the sweatshirt the girl had on as she stood between her legs. Despite the slight tremors in Jimin’s fingers, buzzing with more than just alcohol, but also a surge of feelings, the uncertainty, longing, feelings of loss and hope; she cupped Y/n’s face in her hands. Her touch was soft as Y/n’s glimmering eyes met her.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did either.” Y/n mumbled, closing her eyes and resting in Jmin’s hands who caressed her features with her thumbs. They still would always melt at the affection because it was normal to crave, but it didn’t feel like it used to. Aside from it feeling good, those other things didn’t spread across them. “I’m sorry.” 

That sorry felt like it was for more than what happened in that room and Jimin knew it. She knew that the apology was because they both genuinely felt bad for letting a promise of forever die. 

‘I love you.’

‘Never stop loving me, Y/n.’

‘I will love you forever, I promise.’

‘I will love you forever, Y/n, I will always care about you.’

‘Don’t cry, Jimin, I’m always here for you.’

Jimin deeply exhaled and closed her eyes before she could let the tears even form and with a lump in her throat she closed the gap between them. Their lips met in a kiss to suckle on the hope left in them. It was eagerness, it was to forget and not to remember. Y/n’s hands grabbed hold of Jimin’s hips, pulling her closer.

They tilted their heads to meet tongues that tasted as bitter as the beer they had and the longing for what they had lost, as sweet as the sake they downed and the reverie they lived in. It was with desperation because it felt like it was the last of them that was left and they would do everything to latch onto it and stick forever. The forever they had promised. 

Jimin ran her fingers through Y/n’s hair, pushing deeper, wanting to feel more, she needed more. She needed Y/n, she missed the touch against her body and that was all that it felt like for them now. The fulfilment of each other’s needs and nothing else as Jimin discarded Y/n’s sweater, letting it fall to the floor. Her cool hands ran over the warm skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps, emotions swirling under their skin as they pulled away to remove Jimin’s top. 

Their eyes locked, looking for something, searching, but they had no clue what they were trying to find anymore. It ended quicker than expected and their lips met once again, meeting tongues and letting out desperate sounds. Y/n’s fingertips grazed over Jimin’s skin as if the girl was made of gold, the gentle and careful touch making the latter bubble with more need. She ran them over her sides, tracing every ridge, coming to her spine with one hand as the other slid over her ribs until she reached the hem of Jimin’s jeans. 

With ease she undid them and as they fell to the floor the older girl straddled Y/n who huffed at the weight that pressed down against her growing cock. As Jimin looked Y/n in the eye, the girl reached over to her face, brushing away the black strands of hair. She could still see a sparkle in Y/n’s eyes, but it was flickering. It wasn’t there for the same reasons that it used to sparkle. This was for the lust that would always linger inside their veins.

“Make me feel good, you owe me this,” Jimin mumbled, knowing that they both owed each other this for the things they had been putting the other through for the past months. This was finally their chance to make the other feel good in a way that was more than just sentimental. There was no sentiment in lust because it had never been part of it, but now it ruled them. 

She grabbed Y/n’s hand which was still by her face and captured those sweet lips while guiding the hand to the back of her bra. Jimin trailed her kisses away from Y/n’s lips and along her jawline, slowly going further and nuzzling her nose into her neck. The scent was still one of her favourites. She took it in and ran her tongue over the skin before wrapping her lips around it. 

It made Y/n stall with the bra, a faint whimper falling from between her lips as Jimin slowly started to gyrate her hips, rolling her heat against Y/n’s that was straining against her jeans. “I want your lips on me Y/n.” She breathed out against the red mark, wanting to feel the pleasure, they both wanted to be brought out of this hell they had painted as heaven. This was their chance. 

Y/n bit her lower lip, her neck being plated with kisses by Jimin all while the girl continued to press against her cock, grinding slowly while releasing shaky breaths between kisses. The girl managed to undo the bra and only then did her girlfriend pull away, letting Y/n remove it fully whose eyes focused on her chest right away. Jimin’s words hadn’t fallen deaf to her ears and all she wanted was to give the girl exactly what she wanted. This was the only thing that they could make work. 

“I love every inch of you.” Any other time the words would burn within Jimin’s soul and leave their mark and they had done so permanently, but they no longer reached as deep. They were all for the outside as they had changed from the inside towards each other. 

Her fingers tangled at the back of Y/n’s head, gently making her look her in the eye as she tilted her head. “Show me instead.” It was like a whisper, her lips ghosting Y/n’s, knowing that she would be able to feel more from actions rather than words now. 

Y/n manoeuvred them, laying Jimin down on the bed, legs wrapped around her waist as she stood by the edge of the bed. The girl bunched up the duvet beside Jimin’s head, taking one last look at her chest before she leaned down to show how much she appreciated her body. With fingers tangled in her hair and nails scratching her scalp Y/n started to leave scorching kisses along Jimin’s skin.

Her tongue soothed over the pulse, tenderly kissing down, her kisses tickling as she trailed down, taking in the soft hums and breaths that the girl let out. She came down to her collarbones, grazing her teeth over them, leaving her marks after her as those were the only good ones they managed to leave on each other now. Everything that went deeper hurt. 

A faint gasp left Jimin’s mouth when lips fervently latched onto her chest, all the heat running through her body and shooting straight to her aching clit. “Fuck,” was all that she could mutter at the warm tongue playing with her nipple, sucking on the tender flesh. Y/n’s devotion to what was left of them was shown through the way she consumed her flesh, leaving her bites to linger.

Y/n moved her mouth to the other nipple, her hand coming down to fondle the older’s chest. It was enough for more sounds to start coming from Jimin at the way her nipples were being played with and her chest littered with kisses. It made her thighs tense around Y/n’s waist, pulling her closer and when the rough material pressed against her cunt a moan fell from her lips. The younger girl hummed, pressing more against Jimin while toying with the hard nipples with her mouth and fingers, twisting and pulling, touching her in a way only she knew. 

It was yet another thing that was hard to let go of. The fact that they knew each other’s bodies so well and knew exactly what to do. It was all working against what should be done and driving them towards pipe dreams.

Her chest heaved, losing her words as they all came out breathless, being greedy for more to fill all the emptiness that had been growing for the past months. “You’re so good, baby.” She hummed, her eyes closing as her mind finally went empty, it went silent with everything else and all they could focus on was the moment and not what was and what would be. It was enough to make Y/n’s hips press more into Jimin, slowly moving them for friction while leaving the older’s chest glistening. 

She slowly started to move down further, kissing along the heaving slim stomach until she was on her knees in front of Jimin. The lacy black underwear seeped through with her arousal and Y/n’s fingers hooked at their hem, looking up at Jimin who was sitting up and looking down at her with lust-clouded eyes. She leaned back against her palms, raising her hips and letting Y/n peel off the last piece of her body.

Her hands ran over Jimin’s thighs, spreading her legs further apart while biting onto her lower lip at the view of her glistening pussy that was leaking with juices. She lifted the girl’s leg and rested it over her shoulder before she started to kiss along her inner thighs, gently biting and sucking on the soft flesh as her hands needily kneaded them. It made Jimin heave a sigh, her hand coming to grab hold of Y/n’s head, dwelling in the feeling of the butterfly kisses left along her inner thighs. 

Through her hooded eyes, she watched Y/n, making eye contact every time the younger looked up through her lashes for approval of what she was doing despite knowing Jimin’s body better than most things. Her fingers pressed into the flesh as her arm was wrapped around one of her thighs, inching closer until she reached the girl’s heat. It was enough to make the older girl squirm the slightest when she got pulled closer to the edge before feeling the wet muscle drag between her folds.

Y/n grabbed hold of her waist with her free hand, holding Jimin in place to not have her squirm too much. Her tongue ran between her folds, spreading the wetness as she dipped her head and circled the grasping hole. The grip on her hair tightened, ears being filled with soft moans and whimpers as she continued to work her tongue and lips around the puffy cunt. She sucked on her lips, enjoying the mess that was spreading on her chin, lapping every little bit up to get more on her tongue. 

Jimin slowly felt herself lose her mind at the teasing tongue, Y/n taking her time to continue working her up. The need continued to bubble inside her, her clit throbbing for attention and her hole clenching as she wanted to be filled until she would feel numb in the brain for at least a few minutes. This was finally something they could grasp at, the escape from everything even the daydream they had created, getting to a real one even if it wouldn’t last too long.

The light moans filled the hotel room when Y/n’s lips at last wrapped around her swollen clit, her tongue coming out to flick at the bud. The pace between slow and fast, sucking and flicking was making Jimin’s thighs tremble around the girl’s head. Her fingers were tangled in Y/n’s hair, pulling her closer to her pussy as her hips faintly bucked at the pleasure. 

Y/n drowned, getting as much pleasure from drowning between Jimin’s soft thighs as the girl above her was feeling from the tongue that was toying with her needy cunt. She caressed her heaving stomach with her other hand, kneading the plush flesh of her thigh as she felt Jimin pull her further into her with her leg that was on her shoulder. 

“Fuck, Y/n–” She whined, her breathing picking up and growing heavier the longer her clit was played with. She could feel it all slowly approaching her and soon enough she would reach the edge and fall off of it. 

The girl dipped her head, her nose rubbing against the swollen clit and her tongue lapped at the juices. The room filled with the sopping sounds of Jimin’s pussy and moans and Y/n’s mouth messily eating her out, moaning at the taste and tugs on her hair, her cock throbbing at how good it felt. With the sticky mess collected on her tongue, she circled her clit and went back to flicking at it and tugging with her lips. 

“So close, ‘m so close, baby.” 

Her body started to tense up, Y/n’s ears muffled at how the thighs locked around her head with her head being held in place. It made her sore tongue work harder to be able to hear Jimin’s voice go up higher. 

That was enough for the older girl to lose her control and the sounds started to spill from her mouth, moaning Y/n’s name in a high pitch. Her body got consumed by heat as her vision blacked out and her ears started to buzz when the orgasm hit its peak as Y/n continued to flick at her clit. It was making her whine and buck her hips for more until she felt herself crash back down to reality. She heaved for air, loosening her grip on Y/n’s hair and the girl slowed down, only leaving small kisses along her skin that was scorching. 

When she got back up on her feet their lips met in a vivid kiss, Jimin’s hands working on Y/n’s jeans to undo the loose material. She tugged them down together with Y/n’s boxers, her hand wrapping around the thick cock that was scalding in her hold as she pumped it, smearing the precum as she reached the swollen tip. The whimpers that fell from Y/n’s lips were swallowed by Jimin, moaning into the intense kiss. 

She pulled Y/n down, making her lay down on the bed, the younger girl moved back until she was in the middle of the bed, leaning against her elbows. Her eyes were on Jimin who got on the bed before crawling over to her. They got engulfed in each other's heat as she straddled Y/n who slumped back, running her hands over the girl’s thighs and to the back of her ass to caress it. 

“No one knows me like you do.” She whispered, leaning down and letting her lips brush over Y/n’s with her fingers tracing along her jawline. No one knew Jimin like Y/n did and no one knew Y/n like Jimin did and even if it looked the way it did, they carried that fact with pride. She pecked the girl's lips, pulling away and letting Y/n chase after her as she tried to grab hold of Jimin’s face, but got her hands pinned down to the bed. 

“Jimin–” She tried although was cut off as she let her head fall back against the mattress, fingers twisting the duvet as her wrists were held down by the girl on top of her. 

“I hate that now.” She admitted, hating that no one knew her as well as Y/n and that no one would ever get to know her as well again. They had learned from their mistakes and now no one would ever be able to compare. There was no one she would open up to like this again, not when it hurt so much when it all died. They didn’t want to go through this pain twice when they never wanted to experience it to begin with.

“I know.” Jimin huffed, her lips brushing over Y/n’s neck because obviously, the younger girl would know that Jimin hated it now. “Do you regret it?” Y/n mumbled, doing her best to not squirm under the girl who was leaving light kisses along her neck. The words from the other day still lingering, but Jimin knew that she never meant what she said about regretting it.

“No matter how much it hurts–” Jimin pulled away and looked Y/n in the eye, the younger’s head tilting to the side as she stared up at her with hopeful eyes. Y/n’s eyes alone were enough for Jimin to know the answer, she knew it right away as she reached her hand down to Y/n’s face, one still holding her wrists down. Her thumb tenderly caressed along Y/n’s cheek and over her lips. “I could never regret everything I’ve given you.” And everything she gave was all that she had after she placed herself in Y/n’s hands and she would always be there even if what made her give herself in the first place had withered. 

Her thumb tugged down on Y/n’s lip before she leaned down and attached their lips once again. Sighs fell from between their lips, Jimin’s hand running between their bodies to grab hold of Y/n’s cock. 

Y/n pulled away from the kiss, panting for air as her eyes fell between their bodies, watching Jimin drag the swollen tip through her folds, the slickness and warmth were enough to make Y/n bite back a whine at how good it felt. The grip on her wrists tightened when her tip made contact with Jimin’s clenching hole, slowly pushing into the tightness that sucked her in. 

“So tight.” The younger mumbled, her chest heaving at the anticipation as she watched herself slowly disappear inside of the girl on top of her, splitting her folds with her cock. The tight walls engulfed her length, grasping it and sucking her inside with greed as they continuously clenched at the stretch. 

“You make me feel so full.” Jimin sighed with a whine at the slight pain. 

Y/n’s eyes stayed glued on how her cock got engulfed by Jimin’s tight pussy, splitting her lips around the thick shaft and she slowly moved. The older girl hummed, letting go of Y/n’s wrists. Both her palms rested on top of the girl’s stomach with her nails slightly digging in at the painful stretch. Hands caressed her thighs while she lowered herself until she felt Y/n deep inside her, filling her to the hilt. 

Y/n dropped her head, shutting her eyes tightly when she was fully inside Jimin who let out a light moan at the feeling. Her cock was throbbing, twitching at how good it felt, the warm and wet walls were pulsating around her and her stomach flexed with every little move. 

She slowly started moving her hips back and forth, her clit still sensitive from her first orgasm as it dragged along Y/n’s pelvis. Her walls fluttered, and being filled up was making her crave more at how good it felt. The feeling of Y/n’s veiny cock raw inside her tight cunt was overwhelmingly good, making out each vein that dragged along her walls.

She gyrated them as they whined back and forth on Y/n’s dick whose lips were parted at the way it dragged along the clenching walls. Her ears were graced by Jimin’s soft gasps and sighs, nails digging into her stomach. The older’s thighs flexed, her walls pulsating and clit throbbing as she slowly increased her speed, chasing her pleasure by using Y/n. 

“I love using your cock to make myself feel good,” Jimin whined, her head getting thrown back and Y/n groaned at the words that made her dick ache inside the hot and wet cunt of the girl. Their bodies moved and fit together perfectly like waves that collided against waves, their bodies buzzing with that feeling from the inside as their head splashed with desires. 

Her chest heaved at the sight of her girlfriend grinding along her cock, watching how she chased her high once again. The sounds were starting to get more lewd with each moan falling from the girl’s lips, Jimin’s wetness coating Y/n’s base and the mess only got bigger.

“You look so good doing it.” Y/n could feel the way the walls clasped around her at the words, the girl taking all the pleasure in using Y/n for her benefit as Y/n enjoyed it just as much. The way the girl would go on and have her orgasms before Y/n even got to think of hers.

Jimin was on top of her with a vice grip on her cock with her sopping cunt. Y/n’s hands were on her the thighs flexed with each movement and her tip was hitting all the right spots deep inside her. She watched the way the older gasped and threw her head back, dragging her swollen clit along Y/n’s pelvis. Jimin reached behind her and held onto Y/n’s tense thighs instead, rolling her hips in a way that was making her stomach tighten and warm up as she fucked herself on top of the girl.

“I’m so close, baby–fuck, so good.” Her voice cut into a higher pitch as the orgasm started to wash over her with her hips bucking for more and Y/n’s thumb found its way to her swollen clit. She circled the bud as Jimin kept bucking her hips against her, watching the way her chest bounced with each movement.

The throbbing walls clasped around her cock, squeezing it tightly enough for the movement to slow down. Her thighs quivered and she let out cries of pleasure, her voice light and bringing Y/n closer to the edge at how good she looked on top of her. Nails dug into Y/n’s thighs, heat pouring over Jimin’s whole body at her second orgasm.

She heaved for breath, stopping her movement and shivering at the shocks going through her warm body. Her body got engulfed in Y/n’s arms when the girl sat up, her cock still buried deep within the confines of Jimin’s pulsating pussy. She wrapped her arms around Y/n’s shoulders, palms running over her back which was covered in a sheen of sweat. 

As Jimin looked at Y/n, she didn’t want to be done yet, she wished she could drag this out for the rest of her life. To make this serene moment last forever as their bodies became one and all that had been on her mind disappeared. Those worries were gone, it was just now, the present forgotten and the future didn’t exist until it was tomorrow and by then it was present again. 

She tangled her fingers at the back of Y/n’s hair, slowly moving up and down while pulling Y/n more into her. Their breaths mingled, parted lips grazing until she caught Y/n’s lower lip between hers and gently tugged. It was all that they needed, to be back in each other’s arms, to be close and it started to ignite the spark of hope although it didn’t seem to glow strong enough as it continued to flicker back to life before disappearing. 

“I miss you–so much,” Jimin mumbled as she pulled away, moving her hips back and forth as Y/n’s breaths grew heavier. The younger buried her face in the crook of her neck, planting tender kisses. Jimin could feel it all coming back, maybe she hadn’t been drunk enough, or maybe no matter how drunk she was on lust and alcohol she would never be able to drown out the pain of a breaking heart. 

The alcohol and lust weren’t able to mend their hearts. 

Y/n looked up when Jimin pulled her away from her sweltering neck, their eyes met, Jimin’s were glimmering and the entry to her soul had always been open for Y/n. The longer she stared into the window of her soul, the more she realised how crushed Jimin was and it was enough to clarify that they were both suffering. Her hand smoothed over Y/n’s jaw, running along it as she tilted the girl’s head back, her movement not stopping as she watched Y/n slowly crumble under her.

It was shattering her insides to see Y/n this way, the same way it was shattering Y/n to see Jimin like that. They had never thought that the person they loved the most would be the one to destroy them the most too. 

Love was lethal no matter how much two people loved each other.

“Fuck–” Y/n breathed out, being cut off by Jimin’s soft lips, the girl could feel the length inside her grow harder and twitch as it was clasped inside her heat. They swallowed each other’s moans until they no longer could and the older’s pace picked up, her ass colliding with Y/n’s thighs each time she went down while letting out quick and sharp breaths. Y/n’s hands gripped onto her ass, fingers digging into the soft yet firm flesh as she helped Jimin move, feeling the movement slack off at times. 

A soft and light moan escaped Jimin’s lips, grounding herself down on Y/n’s cock, arms wrapped around her shoulders as she panted against her neck. Teeth dug into her shoulder, the whimper suppressed from the younger as she could feel the ropes of cum shoot one after another into her, painting her walls white. Y/n pulled away from her shoulder, slipping out of Jimin’s warmth as they eased down to reality.

Everything stilled as the younger girl still held Jimin in her arms, caressing her warm back while taking deep breaths. It felt like neither of them planned to move any second as the girl snuggled closer into Y/n’s neck, burying her face in the crook of it, her eyes shutting tightly.

It was making Jimin’s chest heave at the panic she felt because she could only watch it all slip through her fingers, unable to do anything to save it.

The attempt to suppress her sobs was feeble as the first one slipped through and then a second followed and her tears were staining Y/n’s skin once again. “Jimin–” 

“I’m scared, Y/n.” She cried into her neck, sobbing and snivelling as it overwhelmed her once again, this time she wasn’t able to hold back on releasing what was heavily on her chest. It didn’t matter how scared they were to bring up the obvious because the thought of how it would end was terrifying. Neither wanted it to end. However, the realisation dawned upon them and it would all end much sooner than intended if they did nothing about it. 

“I’m right here.” Y/n slowly pulled her away, manoeuvring Jimin’s body like fragile butterfly wings that could crumble with a little too much pressure. The girl continued to cry, pulling her knees to her chest, crying into them as Y/n draped the duvet over her, covering her naked body. 

She couldn’t grasp at it, at how all the promises died the second their love did, that they made promises they couldn’t keep and it never should have been this way. They promised to love each other forever and they did, but it no longer was the love that was beyond care and compassion. It was adoration and not love, the love; was gone. 

Jimin refused to accept it, no, she couldn’t accept that and would dig through every little corner until she found something that would help the withered flower bloom back to life. She’d shed all her tears until her eyes would be bleeding just to have enough to water their flower of love that had died. There had to be some way to save it even if it hurt, even if it hurt more than it already did.

Y/n got back onto the bed after she pulled on her boxers, Jimin was still crying into her knees until the younger girl sat behind her, the duvet resting over the both of them. She held back on her tears as she cradled the weeping girl’s head, lending her shoulder to cry on once again and she would continue doing so until her last breath. It would never matter what type of love they held for each other, she would always care even if everything else they used to have that was deeper had died. 

It was a death neither of them knew how to cope with.

“I’m here for you.” She reassured her, kissing the top of her head.

“I hate this, Y/n—” Her sobs cut through her words, her hands gripping the duvet before they let go, feeling hopeless; what was there to hold on to in reality? There was nothing to hold onto as they both freely fell through hell for each other. It made them weak in so many ways. “Nothing is the same anymore and I don’t know what to do.” Acceptance was hard for anyone, it had always been hard, but it was even harder when it came to something they made their whole lives revolve around. How could they just accept that their worlds no longer circled the other? 

It stung, it hurt deeply to think that this was possible, something they had never thought about had become their reality. The flower that bloomed with their love was dead. Yet these tears and the pain they felt at the thought of needing to let go made them want to try again. One last try to revive something that had been dead and cold for months. If some miracle happened, they would be able to bring it back to life. Their love would bloom from a dead flower at some point, they would continue watering it with their tears, crying over the dead flower that was their love in hopes of it coming back to life.

“We can make it work again.” Y/n wasn’t brave enough to say the words, she wasn’t strong enough to say them for Jimin and herself. To admit for the both of them that what was lost was lost and that it was time to say goodbye and bury their love because there was nothing to save once it was already gone.It was too difficult to bury it when they had yet to accept its death. They had no clue how to cope with everything.

It was eating at them, tearing them apart and glueing them back together into an even bigger mess.

“We can fix everything,” Y/n reassured, knowing that these could as well be empty words and new promises to break, but she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t give up on Jimin even if they were mistaking care and compassion for a small ember of love that they could turn into a fire. That fire had gone out a while ago and what was left were ashes.

“Do you think that’s possible?” She whimpered, wanting to do anything to try and grasp at that false little ember of hope.

“I don’t know,” Y/n whispered, just as uncertain, but she would do anything for Jimin even if it meant ruining herself. 

They couldn’t know, but at least it was reassurance that they didn’t have to let go yet and could continue no matter how much it hurt because it would hurt even more if they were apart. It was too difficult to let go of someone they had built their lives around. They would hurt for each other and they would choose that over happiness with someone else because no one would ever be able to give them what they used to have.

They longed for each other’s love. They missed it and just wanted to feel it again but it was all gone. It no longer felt like it used to and they missed those feelings they used to have. Where did they go wrong for it to happen in the first place? What were they supposed to do to fix it? Let go and move on. Stay and continue to drag through the impossible to try and fix it?

They weren’t in love anymore, they just loved each other.

[magicshop]

jimin being a cutie in the 'for you' behind the scene ♡ for @jkvjimin

[wishesunderthestars]

Eunoia // Ch. 26

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness isn’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 12.1k+

Warnings: past abuse, past sexual abuse, cursing, past violence,

Masterlist

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It was the second time Taehyung was in Jungkook’s atelier—only recently had Jungkook started thinking of it like that, before it was the atelier—but he was looking around him like it was a fairytale and everything was made of magic. Jungkook guessed he must have looked a little like that as well the first time you had shown him the room and told him it was his to do as he pleased. Athens and the Parthenon stretching on the wall never failed to inspire wonder and a deep respect in him, regardless of how long it had been since the first time he walked inside.

Everything else in the room was quite different from that first day. The once pristine and unused room was now splattered in paint. It was everywhere, on the floor and the cabinets and on the many newspapers that he used to cover everything. The first time he had stained the floor with paint, he had gone to you with teary eyes, lowered ears, and a hundred apologies on the tip of his tongue. You had simply laughed and told him that the room was his and he could paint the whole floor if he wanted to. The only thing you asked of him was to be careful of the wall painting. Jungkook would have never touched it in the first place.

Finished canvases were leaning against the cabinets and the walls. Most of them were of places Jungkook found beautiful, the Eiffel Tower, the Parthenon, a neighborhood in Amsterdam he had seen in one of your photos. There were also a few paintings of the pack, you and Seokjin cooking in the kitchen, Yoongi playing the piano, Namjoon and Hoseok under the large tree in the garden, Taehyung with Alice at the lake, and Jimin smiling so wide his eyes turned into crescent moons.

Jungkook longed for Jimin with an insatiable hunger. Now that he had gotten a taste of him once and Jimin told him he wanted it, now that there was no guilt and anguish, he couldn’t get enough of him. He wanted to always be touching him, holding him, and scenting him. His scent was like an aphrodisiac to him and he was addicted.

However, when Taehyung had shyly asked about his atelier, he was compelled to show it to him. It wasn’t often that Taehyung asked for anything and although he hadn’t specifically asked to see the room, Jungkook knew he would like it. Taehyung’s smile was also addicting and rare like a precious gem. So, he had left Jimin with Seokjin to cook in the kitchen and had taken Taehyung’s hand and climbed down the stairs. His hand was soft and he could still feel its ghost on his palm.

He was right, Taehyung’s smile was worth it. It was a tiny one, a small curve of his lips, but it was stunning.

His tiger ears twitched when his eyes landed on the painting of him. He approached slowly, taking it in. A hand reached out but he drew it back before it could touch the canvas.

In the painting, Alice was grinning brightly at Taehyung, one of her rainbow butterfly hair-clips clipped on his dark hair. But what Jungkook loved the most about it was Taehyung’s smile. For the first time, with Alice, Taehyung looked genuinely happy. The painting didn’t do the moment justice, he hadn’t managed to capture the tiger hybrid perfectly. He had taken a picture of the two of them and used it as reference but it was difficult, almost impossible, to immortalize Taehyung’s beauty in that moment.

“Do you like it?” Jungkook asked gently.

Taehyung startled as if the painting had enchanted him and Jungkook’s voice broke the spell. He hugged himself with one hand, almost like he wanted to stop himself from touching the painting. “It’s… beautiful.”

“It was a beautiful moment,” Jungkook agreed. “Alice is incredible, right?”

Taehyung nodded slowly. “I… have it. The butterfly. She doesn’t want back… it.”

They both looked at the painting. Jungkook wasn’t sure if they were seeing the same thing but maybe they were.

“Do you want to paint again?” he asked, breaking the silence. He took down the half-finished canvas of a beach from the easel and replaced it with a blank canvas.

Taehyung didn’t hesitate to agree this time. They picked up different brushes, chose a few tubes of oil paint and set themselves to work. Jungkook showed him how to paint a sunset—he had perfected the skill through a lot of observation and many YouTube videos. Taehyung seemed to have fun blending the colors and drawing the shapes of semi-transparent clouds.

They stayed in the atelier for a few hours until they were called for dinner by Hoseok, whose heart-shaped smile at seeing them together in their paint-splattered clothes rivaled the beauty of the sunset. After the meal, Jungkook asked if Taehyung would like to take the painting of him and Alice to his room. They hung it on the wall with Yoongi’s help and went back to the garden together.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

You were filming at Monmouth Manufacturing for the day. They were the last couple of scenes you would be filming there for Season 1. Hopefully—and most probably—, you would see it again next year, or the year after that, filming for Season 2. First, you would have to finish Crooked Kingdom and then towards the end of the year, maybe you could work on the Raven Cycle. Your schedule was already crazy and you were troubled about what that meant for the next year.

A headache was brewing behind your temples and you were trying very hard to ignore it. You had been at the studios since 6 o’clock in the morning and you were going crazy. It would be one of those 15-16 hour days. You could see it coming. The executive producer of Paper Hearts had called to tell you that you were desperately needed for a board meeting for the next season. They had changed the time of the meeting to later in the afternoon to fit your schedule, which proved that it was important. You dreaded the drive to the other side of Los Angeles and what was sure to be a very long discussion.

During your lunch break, you texted Namjoon that you would be late again. He didn’t say anything but you knew he was disappointed. He had to be. You had barely spent any time with them in the past few days. There were also matters you still had to discuss. You hadn’t told the other hybrids about the thing between the three of you and they deserved to know. Your headache got worse just thinking about it.

You flipped through the script during a small break, sipping on your third cup of coffee of the day. It was making you jittery but the other option was falling asleep in your chair.

“Okay, I think we are good to move on to the next scene,” you told Will. “And then we’re done for the day.”

“Should I get someone to call the actors?”

“Yeah, see if they are done with makeup and send them in.” You rolled your neck and let out a heavy sigh. “All things considered it’s going pretty well.”

Will chuckled as he motioned for someone from the staff to come closer. “For someone who’s been here since six, you’re doing remarkably well.”

You waited for him to send the man to fetch the actors before speaking again. “We’ll see about that when we’re done with this scene. If I’m on my feet and awake by then, I deserve an award.”

Will shrugged, leaning back on his chair. “I’ve seen you do worse. Do you remember when we were filming ‘The Grand Masquerade’ in Prague? You were running on three hours of sleep a night for a week. I thought you would fall asleep during filming and wouldn’t wake up for a couple of days.”

“I was younger then,” you shrugged it off. You eyed the script again, focusing on your notes. “ I don’t have the same energy.”

“It was three years ago.”

“Three years can be a long time.”

You could understand that better than anyone, considering that this year sometimes seemed like a decade to you. In a year, your whole life had changed. You were different, everything was different from last year. Three years could be a very long time, indeed. But also the blink of an eye.

One of the actors arrived and you both greeted him. Soon, he was swept away by the movement director.

“I think you need another break,” Will declared in all of his dramatic glory.

You tapped your long nails on your plastic cup, the action was strangely soothing. “I think I need another coffee.”

“You certainly need a break,” Will insisted. “And you certainly don’t need another coffee.”

He had noticed your restlessness, then. “We just came back from a break. And there is no time for another one. After we are done here, promotions for Six of Crows begin then there is the premiere and the tour and they are getting everything ready to begin filming for Season 6 of Paper Hearts. And Crooked Kingdom is next year and I am very behind on that.”

Will’s face did that thing he did whenever he was done with you, his features slacking like he was bored and a little irritated. “You can’t be behind on something that hasn’t even started yet. Be serious.”

“I am. Deadly.”

Will rolled his eyes. “Break. You need a break.”

The rest of the actors arrived then and the subject was dropped in favor of going over the details of the scene with them. They took their places and filming began. There was a place where the scene kept being snagged and you had to go over it four times to get it right and five more to perfect it.

By the end, you were running like you were being hunted to find John and drive to the company building. The meeting as you had expected was long and tiring. At least, it was a productive one. You discussed the script, the new additions, and the schedule. You shared a few worries and disagreements you had and you mostly managed to find the middle ground. Another meeting would be held in a week before filming would officially start in a few weeks.

It was past eleven when you opened the door of the Castle. No one was in the living room, which was to be expected.

“I’m back!” you shouted, even though no one would hear you if they were in the garden. The night was warm and your skin felt stifling. Sweat dotted your forehead and the change of temperature, when you walked inside the air-conditioned Castle, sent a shock through your system. Your legs had turned to stones and you struggled to take off your shoes.

All you wanted was to fall asleep. You opened the balcony door and shouted again that you were back and that you would be in your room. You closed it before you could hear any replies.

In your room, you had to force yourself to change into your pajamas instead of falling face-first onto your bed in your dirty clothes. You didn’t have the energy to take a shower like you usually did at the end of the day. Your appetite had also disappeared. You hadn’t eaten dinner but you weren’t hungry. You were taking off your makeup in the bathroom when there was a knock on your door.

For a moment, you debated not answering but you dismissed the thought instantly.

“Come in,” you called. “I’m in the bathroom.”

You heard the door open and close again. You dragged the cotton pad roughly across your face, you didn’t have the patience to be gentle and it left your skin red. Some days it was just too sensitive.

“Are you alright?” The care in Seokjin’s voice tugged at the tight knot in your chest, loosened it. You glanced at the door but he wasn’t there.

Most of the makeup was gone from your face and you looked like a mess. You threw the cotton pads in the bin and washed your face quickly to get rid of the mascara under your eyes and any stubborn residues of makeup.

Seokjin was standing by your vanity, waiting for you. It wasn’t often that he came to your room. You weren’t used to seeing him there but it felt right.

“For someone who has been running around for more than sixteen hours, I am peachy,” you tried to joke but the delivery was lacking. It was confirmed by Seokjin’s frown.

“That’s too much, even for you. That isn’t healthy.”

“It is what it is,” you said, trying not to sound defensive. “It isn’t something I haven’t done before. And tomorrow’s schedule is easier so it’s alright.”

That didn’t seem to do anything to ease his mind. “Because you did it before, it doesn’t mean you should keep doing that.”

You rubbed your temples, your headache was getting worse. “There are things that need to get done. I can’t just stop because I’m tired. I get calls all day and my inbox is full of emails I haven’t answered yet. I have a million things on my plate, I can’t ignore them.”

“I know,” Seokjin said, his tone softer. He came closer to you and took your hand in his. The touch was grounding. You hadn’t realized you were spiraling until your feet were planted on the earth again. “We know how important your work is and how much effort you have put in to be where we are. It’s admirable and it’s incredible that you’ve managed to do all this. But your health is important too. You can’t keep running with an empty tank. You need to rest too.”

You heaved a sigh and let your head fall forward to rest on his chest. Your nose wasn’t as sensitive as a hybrid’s but breathing in the familiar sweetness calmed you. He hugged you and drew you closer to him, his hand kneading the tense muscles of your shoulders and the back of your neck.

“We missed you,” he said almost in a whisper.

“You always miss me.”

Seokjin stayed quiet but you both knew. They always missed you because you were always gone.

“You should eat something before you fall asleep. Yoongi and I made gnocchi with prosciutto and parmesan and garlic bread with mozzarella. I can bring it here but I think it would be best if you ate in the kitchen. Everyone wants to see you but they don’t want to bother you.”

The simple act of going to the kitchen sounded like climbing a mountain. Your bed looked too attractive, only a meter away and very very soft. Your eyelids were heavy with the need to sleep and yet…

“I’ll come to the kitchen,” you said. Having woken up at five, you hadn’t seen anyone before leaving. The thought of not seeing them at all today left a sour taste in your mouth. “But can we stay here? For a bit?”

Seokjin placed a tender kiss on the crown of your head. “Of course. For as long as you want.”

You lost track of time in his arms but no more than five minutes must have passed by the time you pulled back with a heavy heart. A temporary balm had been applied to the ailments of the day. You could hold yourself up for a few more minutes to eat a little, you had been doing it all day.

Your legs were as heavy as concrete walking to the kitchen. You had to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, otherwise, you might just collapse. There was noise coming from the kitchen but your tired mind couldn’t register what they were saying.

You were surprised to see that everyone was there waiting for you, even Taehyung. Yoongi placed the plates in front of your seat and Jimin added the cutlery. Everyone else was sitting around the table in their usual stools.

Their greetings were quieter than usual and you guessed that they were conscious of how tired you were. You gave them the warmest smile you could master and patted Hoseok’s hair as you passed by to take your seat. The aroma of the food made your stomach growl, you hadn’t realized how hungry you had been before. Your appetite was back. Everything looked incredible as always and you couldn’t wait to dig in.

“Are you all just going to look at me while I eat?” you asked, picking up your fork.

The hybrids looked sheepish at your question.

“We just wanted to see you,” Jungkook said. “You left too early in the morning.”

You had to compose yourself to pierce a couple of gnocchi with your fork and not sigh out loud. Yoongi’s eyes were heavy on you, they were the ones you could detect with the most ease. You were the most aware of him.

“I had too much to do today. They have been bugging me from the studios for days. If I didn’t start early, I would have never finished. And I prefer an early morning to a late night. I tend to work better in the morning.”

You forced the fork to your mouth. You were ravenous but the conversation stalled your appetite.

“I would think that this was considered a late night,” Namjoon pointed out.

The taste, as expected, was heavenly. The creaminess of the parmesan sauce was tied perfectly with the savory crispy prosciutto. In your condition, you felt like it was wasted on you. As hungry as you were, you just wanted to put your fork down and go to sleep. But you couldn’t do that. You were better than that, you could eat something and then you could go to sleep. You could do that, you had done this before. Hadn’t you?

“This isn’t a late night,” you said after you swallowed the delicious bite. You had to eat another one. And another one. “Late nights can be anything from three a.m. to the next morning. This doesn’t happen often but I really had too many things to do. This is just for a few weeks because we’re moving very fast with the Raven Boys and filming for Season 6 of Paper Hearts will start soon. There are a lot of meetings and things they need my opinion on, it will actually be better once filming starts. They don’t need me as much then.”

You pushed the gnocchi around and you could tell they didn’t believe you without looking at them. It was true that your workload was heavier these days but you couldn’t exactly guarantee that it would get better soon. Filming for the Raven Cycle had been going exceptionally well and it was moving faster than you had originally planned. It would be wrapping up by the end of September or by early October at the latest. Wrapping up was a lot of work, the beginning and the end were the busiest parts.

The rest of autumn was going to be very difficult too. There was the premier as well, which added to your workload greatly. It would take up all of November and the work for it would start from October. Maybe December would be calmer. Maybe.

You ate the rest of your meal in relative silence. They didn’t talk more about you leaving early and coming back late although you knew they wanted to. Their voices were quiet as they talked about anything from witches in cartoons to color theory. You let their words play in the background like the sound from a TV as you tried to eat as much as you could.

The result was a half-finished plate of gnocchi and one less garlic bread with mozzarella. Your eyes were closing involuntarily by then, staying closed for longer periods each time. If you didn’t go to sleep now, you would fall face-first into the gnocchi.

You slid off your seat and balanced yourself on numb legs. “Thank you for this, it was delicious. But I really need to go to sleep now.”

“It’s okay,” Seokjin said, glancing at half of the food still on the plate. “You should rest.”

“At what time do you start work tomorrow?” Yoongi asked. He had been silent during your dinner and his voice rang louder than the rest to your ears.

It must have taken a few seconds to navigate the fog in your mind before you could answer. “Filming starts around nine, so I should be there by eight. Half past eight at most.”

“That’s still too early,” Hoseok said, frowning.

You waved their worries off. They had better things to worry about than the job you had been doing for half of your life. “It isn’t too early. I can sleep for a decent number of hours before I have to get ready. It’s alright, really. Goodnight, everyone. Sweet dreams.”

With effort, you dragged your body to your bedroom. You didn’t bother turning on the lights and stumbled to your bed guided only by the moonlight. There wasn’t a point in closing the blinds when you would wake up around the time the sun was rising. The light of your phone was too bright in the darkness and it made your eyes sting as you set an alarm.

A few messages caught your attention but a knock stopped you before you could open them.

“Come in,” you called, setting your phone aside. The door opened and the light from the hallway slipped in, outlining the silhouettes of the two hybrids. “Is everything okay?”

They both nodded and Jimin took a few steps into the room. “Can we sleep here tonight?”

“Both of you?” you asked, half-suppressing a yawn. Unlike Jimin, Jungkook hadn’t slept in your room before and the only time you had shared a bed was in Virginia.

Jungkook’s bunny ears drooped. “I can go, I don’t mind. I just missed you.”

“Sorry, that isn’t how I meant it.” Your surroundings were a bit blurry, the minutes stretched but were also impossibly short. It felt a little like life was a dream when you were tired like this. “Come in, both of you. And close the door behind you. It is blinding me a bit.”

They hurried inside and did as you told them. You couldn’t see them well as they moved through the darkness. They surrounded you, lying on different sides. Jimin didn’t hesitate to draw closer, throwing an arm over your stomach. Jungkook was a little stiffer on your left like he didn’t know how to situate himself. You found his hand, intertwining your fingers, and a quiet sigh escaped his lips.

It felt right, lying between them. Like that was how it was meant to be. But maybe that was the exhaustion talking, the dream realm slipping into the waking world.

“I missed you too,” you whispered. “Now sleep. I have an alarm set for the morning.”

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Summer bled seamlessly into autumn. The change wasn’t apparent in the Castle, autumn had only arrived in name. The heat was still there and would remain for some time. During the days, it still made sweat drip down your temples the few times you filmed outside the studios but the nights were comfortable and moon-bright.

You had a couple of hours free between takes and nothing to do so you got into your car (John had taken the day off to spend some time with Alice) and started the engine. “Nothing to do” was a relative term of course. There were many things you could be doing, countless extra little tasks that crowded your thoughts, but you disregarded all of them. You had been spending whole days away from home and you were beginning to feel guilty about it.

On your way back, you stopped by your favorite homemade gelato shop. In San Diego, you had gone for gelato the first day and the hybrids had loved it. You had made it a habit to get gelato at the beginning of each day during ComicCon, it was your little ritual. You had ordered gelato a couple of times to the Castle as well but with eight people, it didn’t last more than a day.

There were dozens of flavors behind the display case, all of them looking delectable. You got a wide variety, remembering the flavors they liked the most. You picked hazelnut, tiramisu, chocolate chip cookie, almond, caramel, coconut, cream and sour cherry, nutella, and vanilla and asked for 1 kilo of each to be delivered to your house. It was too hot and your house was too far to transport them in your car.

You didn’t have to wait more than a few minutes outside the gate before the delivery boy arrived. You got the bags full of gelato containers from him and sent him off with a hefty tip. The Castle was a long way from the heart of the city and anyone willing to make deliveries there deserved a nice tip.

Unlocking and opening the door was a struggle but you managed. You shouted you were back and fast-walked down the stairs, the plastic bags digging into your hands. On the second level, you were faced with Jungkook, who was also climbing the stairs to reach you. He looked as if he was ready to attack you with a hug before noticing the bags.

“A little help?” you asked, raising the bags a little higher. Your arms protested loudly.

Jungkook quickly took most of the bags from you and if you hadn’t been the one carrying them before, you would have believed they were light as a feather with the way he was holding them. “What are all these?” he asked, peeking into the bags. His eyes sparkled and his smile widened in realization when he spotted the containers. “Is that–?”

“Gelato,” you said, a little proud of yourself for thinking of making the stop on your way back.

Jungkook’s steps turned into little hops. “You are the best! How much did you get? Are these all different flavors?”

“You will see…”

Jungkook made a sound close to a petulant whine. “Come on,” he said, dragging the vowels. “What are they? Did you get hazelnut?”

“We’re almost there. You’ll see in a minute.” The garden was coming into view as you climbed down to the last level but Jungkook still turned back to pout at you. “Dramatic bunny,” you muttered lowly but not low enough for his enhanced hearing not to pick it up. You didn’t mind, his giggles were cute.

At the bottom of the stairs, Namjoon and Seokjin were waiting for you.

Seokjin squeezed your wrist in greeting before saying, “He is a very dramatic bunny.”

“Hey! You should be on my side!”

Seokjin raised his eyebrows. “And why is that?” And that set off a round of bickering as they walked to the table to set down the bags.

Despite your protests, Namjoon took the last bags from you. “You should accept a little help from time to time,” he said firmly. You knew that he meant it for more than this. You decided to ignore it for now, you would overthink this later.

“Everyone, gather around! I brought gelato!” you called.

In a few minutes, everyone was gathered around the table. Hoseok, upon seeing the many containers of gelato, had done a happy dance, kissed your cheek and ran upstairs with Seokjin to get bowls and spoons. Jimin had wrapped himself around your back and was licking his lips, which was highly distracting. You shouldn’t be thinking about this.

Taehyung was the quietest one, as he usually was. He was sitting next to Yoongi, looking at all the containers with parted lips.

“I got gelato for us,” you told him. “It is really good. I got a lot of flavors so you can try as many as you want.”

“Gelato,” Taehyung repeated softly, gazing at the containers spread over the table.

Hoseok and Seokjin arrived with eight bowls, too many spoons and three ice cream scoops—you didn’t even know you had that many—and set them down around the table. You busied yourself with opening all the containers. You already knew which flavors you wanted so you grabbed one of the scoops and served yourself three scoops of ice cream.

Jimin had hooked his chin over your shoulder and wasn’t making any move to serve himself. That was up to you then.

“Which flavor do you want?” you asked him, dipping the scoop into the cup of water.

He rubbed his cheek against your shoulder lazily. “Hmmm, I think I want to try a few before I decide.”

You decided to indulge him, you liked it when he got playful and joked with you. You preferred when he was confident and asked for what he wanted. It was beautiful to witness how much he had changed through the months. You dipped a spoon into the flavors in your bowl first and brought them to his mouth. He savored each spoonful, humming and licking his full lips. He was so close to you, if you turned completely your noses would touch. How did you always end up in these situations lately?

“I want that too,” Jungkook said, pouting and pointing at your spoon. He was sitting at the bench and he had his own bowl in front of him, filled with four scoops of gelato.

“You want almond?” you asked.

“No, I want to be fed too.”

“You really are a baby,” Seokjin said. “Is that what’s going to be happening now? Whatever one has the other wants too?”

Jungkook looked away, taking his spoon again disappointed. “No, it just looked nice. It felt nice to be cared for when we were at the lake. If you don’t want to, that’s okay. I just wanted to ask.”

At the lake, you had been feeding them strawberries dipped in chocolate and your mind had run too wild. You should stop thinking about that. “I want to, you are just a little far. I can’t really reach.”

Jimin was about to say something, probably offer a solution but before he could, Seokjin had picked up Jungkook and plopped him down in his lap.

“Here, I will feed you, you big baby. Is this alright?” he asked, ever caring.

Jungkook squirmed a little but seemed pleased, a light flush settling on his cheeks. “Yes, of course.” He was as tall as Seokjin but in his lap, he looked much smaller. He opened his mouth obediently when Seokjin brought the spoon to his lips.

Your eyes strayed to Taehyung, you were hyper-aware of him whenever you were in the same place. His eyes had that look that you couldn’t understand, it was there every time you interacted with the other hybrids lately. They were telling you that he was opening up more these days but to you, he remained a mystery.

In the end, Jimin ate most of your gelato and you scooped some chocolate chip cookie into your bowl because you knew how much he liked it. Hoseok and Namjoon closed the containers and carried them upstairs, they returned and went to sit by the pool. Yoongi finished quickly and lied down under the shade of the tree closest to them. Jungkook grew sleepy and turned to the side, laying his head on Seokjin’s shoulder. Jimin joined them, hugging Jungkook from the side.

Taehyung stayed at the bench like he wasn’t sure where he should go, his empty bowl in front of him.

“Did you like it?” you asked, gesturing to his bowl. Another reminder of your shortcomings, you didn’t even know how much he had progressed in English.

“Yes, thank you,” he replied. The low timbre of his voice surprised you each time. You heard it so rarely that you didn’t get the chance to get used to it.

You should make an effort to talk to him, avoiding him would only make matters worse. But you couldn’t find anything to say. What exactly could you say to him, who had lived most of his life like a caged animal, who you had bought at an illegal auction?

Suddenly, you had the equivalent of a light bulb lighting up next to your head in a cartoon.

“Hobi told me you liked the painting of the pomegranate in the gallery,” you said then realized that pomegranate was probably a word he couldn’t understand and proceeded to explain the painting. “It has glass around it and a hand is holding it. Am I making sense?”

Seokjin looked at you amused but Taehyung nodded in understanding. “It is beautiful.”

“Right, it is,” you agreed. “The artist, the one who made it, is holding an exhibition in LA. We could go if you would like.”

You had bought the painting from her long before her fame had grown and spread. There was a magic to the way Eliana Velasco painted, everything came alive under her brush strokes. The painting of the pomegranate had enchanted you and given your history, you had to have it.

“Go?” he repeated, clearly confused.

“Yeah, to a place that has many of her paintings. You can see them there. Would you like that?” Talking to him, you were more nervous than at any of the award shows you had attended the past few years, more nervous than during any contract negotiations.

Taehyung’s eyes widened a fraction before he nodded. “Can I… see them?”

“Of course,” you said.

Jungkook stirred against Seokjin’s shoulder. “Are we going to an exhibition?”

“If you want to.”

“Are you going to be there too?” he asked and that was harder to answer. Your schedule was the busiest it had been in months and you were drowning in deadlines and responsibilities. You were saved from answering him by a notification on your phone. The numbers displaying the time showed that you were late to leave. You pocketed your phone and with quick goodbyes, you disappeared.

 You were so stupid. You had offered to take Taehyung to an exhibition when work was wrapped around you like a noose. But you had panicked. Eliana had sent you an invitation for the opening night, promising there would be French champagne and hors d’ oeuvres. You had attended plenty of her exhibitions and had many conversations about art and life and their inter-connected philosophy while drinking champagne or wine and staring at paintings.

Although Taehyung’s situation was solved and Amelia had let you know some time ago that legally you were safe, going to the opening night didn’t sound like a good idea. There would be many journalists there who would love to write a piece about you and your sudden decision to adopt so many hybrids. They could go without you another day, that wouldn’t be too bad. Taehyung looked so hopeful and now that you had said it, you couldn’t take it back. You could text Eliana and ask her if she could meet you there one day so you could introduce her to them.

You should try and get some time off.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

It was like a curse, to not be able to sleep in the very few hours you could afford to. Your bed was empty and cold and you couldn’t get comfortable regardless of how much you twisted and turned. Your limbs were too long and awkward and nothing felt right. All the wild thoughts you couldn’t be bothered with during the day showed up one after the other to be examined from every angle and set aside to pick up the next one. It was a losing battle and yet you insisted on fighting it every time before giving in, getting up and popping a pill into your mouth.

You returned the bottle to the cabinet and closed it. After Seoul, for some time it had returned to your bedside table but after a couple of weeks had passed it felt like you were admitting defeat by keeping it there. The image in the mirror was a far cry from the celebrity you were supposed to be. The darkness under your eyes formed bruises, getting worse by the day. Your skin had grown pale and your hair was a mess, you hadn’t had enough strength to braid it before attempting to fall asleep.

You considered going back to bed but the pills could take up to an hour to work when your insomnia reached its peak and you were craving a snack. Something small and sweet sounded nice.

Once again, you had returned late and eaten dinner alone. Your appetite was lacking although the food was delicious. Sometimes, it got like that when you were too tired. You had promised yourself to limit early mornings and late nights but that had changed when you had texted Eliana about the exhibition. She had offered to accompany you to the exhibition on one of the days it was closed to the public and you were more than thankful to her but that also meant that you would have to take half the day off.

The TV was on in the living room, subtitles displayed at the bottom of the screen with no sound. Namjoon was sitting on the couch, arms crossed and watching with distracted eyes. Everyone else had departed to their rooms for the night. His ears twitched as you took a few more steps and he turned to look at you.

You waved your hand, trying to offer him a smile. “Hey.”

He sat up straighter. “Hi. Why are you still awake? Do you need something?”

“Just some water. Maybe a snack.”

“You were really tired when you went to bed. Did you not fall asleep?” he asked, frowning.

You shrugged. “I couldn’t. It’s one of those nights. If I eat something, maybe I will fall asleep easier. A full stomach and all that.” You didn’t mention the pill, it was awkward to do that. “Don’t let me disturb you. I’ll just grab something and go back to bed.”

Namjoon got up and in a few strides, he was standing in front of you. He caressed your cheek, searching for something in your eyes. You weren’t sure what he could see there. “I’ll join you. Let’s sit together for a bit. I haven’t seen you properly in a few days.”

“But you must have stayed back to watch that,” you said. A documentary was playing on the TV, something about Egyptian history.

“It doesn’t matter. I would rather spend my time with you. Unless you don’t want to, then I’ll go back to the couch and be very quiet.”

You slid your hand in his, the touch grounding you in a night that felt both like you were wide awake and caught in a blurry dream. “I would like some company. I’ve missed you too. I’m–”

“Don’t say you’re sorry. There is no need for that.”

He leaned down, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead. His lips lingered for a few moments, warmth spreading inside you. You raised your head and captured his lips in a kiss. The worst part was that you couldn’t remember how long it had been since you had last shared a kiss. His lips were velvet as you remembered them. This was home. Running back and forth, you had forgotten what it felt like.

You pulled back and grabbed his hand. “Let’s go.”

In the kitchen, Namjoon stood next to you as you rummaged through the cupboards for something that looked appetizing to you. The cupboards were full and yet nothing was calling to you until Namjoon remembered that Seokjin had made ice cream sandwiches with the gelato you had bought and various kinds of cookies. That sounded like heaven so you opened the freezer and chose two of them.

You leaned against the counter, shoulder to shoulder with Namjoon, while you devoured them. Gelato might not have been the best idea to put you to sleep but they tasted heavenly. The pill would start working sooner or later.

“Is it worse today?” he asked. He didn’t elaborate further, he didn’t have to.

The ice cream sandwiches were gone and you were left holding the plate. You licked your fingers and placed it in the sink. “I have a lot of things on my mind. I should be too tired to think but apparently, I’m never too tired for that.”

“Anything in particular?”

“Everything, more or less.” You turned to the side, facing him. “There’s too much to think about and not enough time. Never enough time,” you muttered the last sentence to yourself. If you had all the time in the world it would still not be enough, you would find a way to fill it. “I’ve been putting everything off. Everything I don’t want to deal with or I don’t know how to deal with. And the longer I put it off, the worse it gets.”

He was quiet for a few seconds, taking in what you said and pondering how to reply. It was beautiful, how his mind worked and how attentive he was. “If there is any way we can help you, anything I–we can do, we will. Whatever you want to do, we will support you. Sometimes, in our head, we can make things look bigger, more scary than they are. Do you want to talk about them? Maybe if you talk about what you have to do or what you’re worried about, it will be easier to work out the best way to approach them.”

That was something your therapist used to tell you, that while things festered in your head, they would only get more tangled and more daunting. She had suggested writing them down or talking to her about them. She was right, you knew she was right and that it helped and yet you hadn’t stopped to do that.

You took a deep breath, debating if it would be better to find a notebook and figure out your mess on paper instead of dragging Namjoon into it. But there was a part of you that itched to confide in him and give in to the way you felt safe when you were together. 

“I don’t even know where to start,” you confessed.

You started slowly, with your usual worries about Taehyung, how he was adjusting and how little time you were spending with him and if that was for the best. It was the same old spiralling, you had poked and prodded at it so many times and Namjoon must have been bored of listening to the same rehashed concerns, yet he didn’t interrupt you. You unravelled steadily, once you started speaking, you couldn’t stop. There was the filming for the Raven Cycle, the final touches of Six of Crows, the premiere and the weeks of promotions and the anticipation for the reviews of the critics and the audiences. The book you hadn’t finished and the deadline you couldn’t meet.

You rubbed your hands over your face. It had been so long since most of those problems had surfaced and you were ashamed that you hadn’t faced them yet. “And we haven’t told anyone about us. We said we would and I know you’re waiting for me but I’m never here. And I don’t know how.”

Namjoon caught your hand and brought it to his lips. Lowering it, his thumb rubbed soothing circles on your skin. “It doesn’t have to be complicated. They will understand and they will be happy for us. You shouldn’t let this keep you awake, everything will be alright. They are our pack, this won’t change anything.”

“But…” The anxiety that persisted. “Yoongi. What if his reaction is… bad. You know what he said.”

“That was before.” He sounded sure but there was a tightness at his jaw. “It is different now. He is different, you can see it. He is softer around the edges, he even helps Jin in the kitchen. He’s settling in.”

 “Because he doesn’t know,” you said. “You remember what he said, right? That night? That I adopted you so I could take my pick and now there is Jin and it’s just too much like that, can’t you see it?”

“It’s nothing like that. We both–” Namjoon stiffened, his gaze locking somewhere towards the entrance. “Yoongi?”

Your heart rate sped up, a knot forming in your chest. Yoongi walked in, his socked feet not making a sound. How much had he heard? The last minutes of the conversation replayed in your mind in a panicked mess. What had you said? How long had he been there, listening to you, before Namjoon noticed him? What conclusions would he reach?

Instinctively, you tried to get away from Namjoon but his hold on your hand kept you there.

The panther’s face didn’t give anything away. You couldn’t read him regardless of how much you studied him. You didn’t know his tells, if he had any. His expression was a carefully curated mask of apathy and you couldn’t see past it. Or you didn’t dare to try. Maybe you were too afraid of what you would find.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked, voice missing some of its smoothness.

Namjoon held your hand tighter. “You are the only one who can sneak up on me.”

You swallowed down your anxiety and tried to think of him the way he was the past few months, when he helped you with rearranging your office, him playing the piano in the afternoons, your walk at the lake, the vague memory of him helping you up to your room when you were drunk in Virginia. But they were all pushed back by the memory of his snarl and his sharp teeth that night.

“How much did you hear?” you asked, forcing your voice to be steady. He was going to learn of it at some point and as scared as you were, you had to face this.

“Enough.” His tail curled behind him and stilled. “You are afraid of my reaction to something. Is that it?”

Your eyes locked with Namjoon’s and he nodded. This time you weren’t going to run. This time would be different. “Yes, there is something we wanted to tell you. Something we wanted to tell everyone. I didn’t know how to tell you, that’s all.”

“You can tell me now,” he said and it sounded almost like a dare. You weren’t sure if you were walking into a trap.

Namjoon spoke up before you could. “You remember that the two of us are… We are together, as humans would say, romantically.” Yoongi nodded. You couldn’t imagine how he could forget. “That extends to Jin now. We love him and he loves us.” It was almost like he was challenging him to say anything but Yoongi was quiet.

“We didn’t know how to tell everyone. And you…” You didn’t know how to finish.

He scoffed. “I was an asshole.” One side of his lips was twisted up but something about it hurt. “You didn’t want to tell me because I was an asshole when I found out about you two. Worse than an asshole.” He dropped his gaze to the floor, his shoulders were slumped as if in defeat. For a moment, you wished to reassure him but what he was saying was the truth. “I understand. I’m not– I’m happy for you. And I’m sorry.”

He turned to leave but, through your confusion, you knew you didn’t want him to go.

“Wait,” you called. He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Let’s talk. We need to talk.”

Yoongi looked at you over his shoulder. This time, you studied him without your heavy-duty lenses, without the fear of discovery. Like the expression of an actor, you picked apart the tiniest details to paint a picture. When your own barriers were gone, it was easier to see.

“What is there to talk about?” he asked.

“A lot. Things we should have talked about sooner.” Communication was a golden rule in your handbook and you used to be good at it, you tried to be good at it. The misunderstanding trope was overused and useless when the issue could be resolved with a simple conversation.

It was about time you stopped walking on eggshells.

“We never truly talked about it,” you started. “And I didn’t really want to because things were going so well. They are going well. But you are my family now.” His lips parted, only slightly but you caught it. “I can’t know how all of you see it, if it’s the same for you, but that’s the way I feel. And I want to be honest with you. I still think about what you said in the garden and sometimes it affects me more than I would like. However, I would like to put it behind us but I want to know what you think.”

His eyes were sharp but you weren’t fooled this time. “Can we? Can we really put it behind us?”

 Namjoon was silent next to you, he was letting you handle it.

“I think we are already beginning to.” You took a deep breath in preparation. There was a question that could make or break this peace between you and you were both dreading and dying to ask. “Do you think that I’m taking advantage of them because I love them romantically?”

His eyes widened. “No,” he denied sharply. “No, of course I don’t.”

It was like a knot unravelling in your heart. Although there was a part of you that had known, the relief was still there. “Then we can move past it. We can try again. We are already trying again.”

“How?” Yoongi asked and he sounded smaller, much smaller than you were used to.

The pills were beginning to act, it was a light drowsiness at first. You had to do this quickly before you fell asleep and crumbled down on the floor.

“The same way we are doing now. By doing our best.”

“I am trying” His hands clenched into fists and loosened again. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

“You don’t need to be. Not anymore. As long as I know that we are fine.” Your eyes were growing heavier and the fog was slipping in. “I think we should go to bed now,” you said. It was getting more and more difficult to open your eyes.

You must have stumbled or something because you heard Yoongi ask, “Are you alright?” at the same time as Namjoon’s “Do you want help?”

You waved them both off. “I’m fine. It’s the pills.” It was easier to admit when you were almost asleep. One moment your feet were on the floor and the next you were up in the air. “Joon?”

“I’m taking you to your room. It’s time for sleep.” One of his arms was under your knees and the other was holding you close to his body.

“Namjoon, I can walk,” you protested weakly. Namjoon shushed you and you let it go. You were so incredibly sleepy and you were safe there. You relaxed in his arms and finally closed your eyes.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

Most of the flowers were drooping in the garden of the Castle. Namjoon and Jimin were attempting to keep them alive for as long as possible before fall swept them away. They cut off the dead leaves, watered the plants and applied the appropriate fertilisers. There were also varieties that lasted all year and the gardener had taught them how to take care of them too.

“These won’t last much longer,” Jimin said, running his fingers gently over the petals of a slowly wilting flower.

“They will bloom again in spring,” Namjoon reassured him. “Each season has its beauty and these belong to spring and summer. Autumn has its own colors too but they are different.”

Jimin pulled his hand back and grabbed the watering can. “I know, but I will miss them.”

Namjoon patted his head and Jimin preened under his touch, chasing his hand. He was too cute sometimes and Namjoon adored him. “It’s okay to miss it but you can also be happy about the new things that are coming. Miss Roberts said she will bring sunflowers and hydrangeas to plant next week, it will add some color. When something ends, something else begins.”

Jimin giggled, watering the flowers although they would be dead next week. “Nora has told you many times to call her by her name.”

Namjoon rubbed the back of his head. “I forgot. I’m trying.”

Yoongi came out of the house, a book in his hand. He had been visiting the library more lately. Namjoon had been wondering where he had been. The rest of the pack had holed up in the cinema room to watch a comedy and, like the two of them, Yoongi had opted out but they hadn’t seen him since.

“Yoongi!” Jimin called, waving with the hand that wasn’t holding the watering can. “Come here. Sit with us, we are almost done.”

Yoongi paused, glancing at the table and benches on the other side of the garden.

“Come on,” Namjoon called for him as well. That was enough to sway Yoongi’s decision, who made his way to them.

Jimin bounced up to him, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the flower bushes they were tending to. Yoongi grumbled about the rough treatment but Namjoon wasn’t fooled, the upturn of his lips was small but unmistakable.

Jimin explained to him what they had been doing so far and Yoongi listened to him attentively.

“They are beautiful. You have been doing a really good job. Both of you,” he said, his eyes darting to Namjoon.

He was tense, it wasn’t obvious but Namjoon could pick it up. He gave him a smile, hoping he would relax. Yoongi confused him but he thought he could understand him a little better now. “Thank you. What are you reading?”

“Oh, this?” Yoongi raised the book a little and shrugged. “I saw it and I thought it was interesting.”

“I haven’t seen that before,” Namjoon said.

The cover was painted in shades of yellow and orange, framing two pyramids. Without saying anything, Yoongi handed him the book. It was called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and it was a relatively short book. He turned it around to look at the synopsis and Jimin peeked at it over his shoulder. Namjoon wondered if you had read it or if it had been sitting there unread on your shelves for years. There were so many books in your library and you had admitted that you hadn’t read most of them, but you had also told them that once upon a time you used to read a hundred books a year.

“It does sound interesting,” Namjoon commented, passing back the book. “You should tell me if it is any good when you finish it.”

Yoongi looked down at the book’s cover. “I will.”

Jimin declared that they were done with gardening for the day and grabbed both of their hands, pulling them to the shade underneath one of the trees. They sat down and he situated himself with his head in Namjoon’s lap and his legs in Yoongi’s. Yoongi cracked open his book and began to read while Jimin talked about flowers.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

“And… CUT!” you called. It was repeated again by Will and the actors relaxed, the expressions of their characters wiped clean. “That will be it for today. Thank you everyone!”

The crew buzzed as the cameras and the sound systems were turned off. People were talking to their earpieces and others were giving pats on the back to each other for another successful day on set. Crew members passed by and offered their congratulations to you.

“What are you rushing for?” Will asked.

You continued throwing everything carelessly into your backpack. “I’m visiting the gallery today, remember?”

“Right, that’s today,” he said, snapping his fingers. Some things stuck with you in entertainment. For example, the overexaggerated gestures. “I thought you had a company meeting dressed like this. A very important one.”

In the morning, you had put more thought into your outfit compared to a simple filming day. You were wearing tan trousers and a form-fitting black top embellished by a crossover belt that wrapped around the body and was tied together with a golden Medusa head emblem. The heels, the golden earrings, bracelets, and rings confirmed that filming wasn’t the only thing on your schedule.

You slung your backpack over your shoulder (you would switch it later with a black Dior bag you had in your car). “No meetings for me today. I really have to go. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”

“Have a good time, boss!”

You greeted any familiar faces on your way to your car and sent a quick message to Namjoon that you would be picking them up soon. The 8-seater car was an impulse purchase at a time when you had a larger friend group. You hadn’t used it much, only for a couple of short trips to private beaches.

You checked your appearance in the visor mirror and reapplied some powder and lipstick. You looked good enough, there wasn’t much more you could do.

The hybrids were waiting by the fountain. They had dressed nicely for the occasion, wearing some of the more formal outfits you had bought for them. You could feel the excitement in the air as they climbed into the car. It had been a long time since you had gone to the city like this. Jimin was quick to slide into the passenger seat, followed by a little happy dance at his success.

The exhibition was taking place in Central Los Angeles, housed in a tall and wide building that appeared to be made up of several cubes that jutted out of the main structure. Jungkook and Hoseok had their phones out, taking photos of the strange building. Distantly, you remembered coming here before but you couldn’t place when or why.

Eliana was waiting for you inside wearing a simple flowing blue dress and a large smile. You greeted each other with a hug and proceeded to introduce the boys to her. She shook their hands enthusiastically and in a few seconds she had already engaged them in a conversation about art. Usually, she talked quickly like she was rushing to get everything out before she forgot but she was talking slowly now, using simpler words and waiting for Hoseok to translate whenever he deemed he should.

She guided you through the gallery, floating ahead of you. She gave explanations of some of her works while she let others speak for themselves. Taehyung’s eyes were sparkling while she talked, in a way you had never seen before. His smile stayed on during your whole visit, big and boxy, and you finally felt like you were doing something right.

The other hybrids seemed to be enjoying themselves as well. Namjoon was asking plenty of questions about the meaning behind the paintings and her inspiration and Jungkook was very interested in the more technical aspect of her work. She readily answered all of their questions and when you pointed out that Jungkook spent a lot of his time painting, she encouraged him to show her some of his work. Although he was shy, hiding behind his floppy ears at first, Eliana managed to convince him to show her a few of the paintings he had on his phone. She was stunned when you told her he had only been painting for a few months and Jungkook grew even shier when she showered him in compliments.

At the end of the tour, she let you wander the gallery by yourselves for some time and then suggested going to the gallery’s gardens to hang out. The gardens were of considerable size, about as large as the inside of the gallery. Neatly trimmed flower bushes lined the pathways and plenty of modern sculptures decorated the space. A large fountain stood proudly in the middle and there was an artfully made gazebo raised on a platform at a far corner, overlooking the gardens.

You offered to go get some coffee and some baked goods from a nearby bakery/coffee shop you had found on the internet. Eliana protested at first but she gave in quickly at the promise of an iced Spanish latte and muffins. Namjoon volunteered to accompany you, although what surprised you was Yoongi offering to come along.

“You need more than two people to carry everything,” was the only explanation you got. You couldn’t deny that he was right.

He hadn’t been acting any different towards you since you had let him know about the nature of your relationship with Seokjin, so you acted the same way you always did too. His quiet acceptance was more than enough for you and it was a great weight off your shoulders.

You were talking about the exhibition, not surprised that Yoongi had been paying close attention to the paintings as he recalled his favorites, when a call of your name surprised you. The voice was familiar and, for a few seconds, you couldn’t place it. Until you could. And the peace froze over.

You turned around to find Jacob waving at you in the quiet street. His hair was cut much shorter than the last time you had seen him and his white loose pants and half-unbuttoned shirt made him look like he had just stepped off a yacht party. Maybe he had. His thousand-watt smile, reminiscent of a politician, was fixed firmly on his face.

“Hey, I knew it was you,” he said when he caught up with you, like he had won a prize. He pulled you into a quick hug and you didn’t know what to do with your hands until he let you go. “Haven’t seen you in ages.”

You wiped invisible dust from your trousers. “Yeah, I’ve been very busy.”

“You were never  one for rest, right? The woman always running, always working, never has time for anything else,” he joked and it shouldn’t bother you the way it did. He gestured to Yoongi and Namjoon, “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Namjoon looked politely curious and Yoongi downright uninterested.

“Right,” you said. “This is Yoongi and Namjoon. And this is Jacob.”

Their eyes sharpened the moment you uttered the name.

“I’m just Jacob now?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “After three years? Not even a friend?”

“I don’t know. It isn’t like we’ve spoken since last year.”

Initially after your breakup, you used to imagine how your next meeting would go and how the two of you would act around each other. Three years was a long time to share your life with someone to then go back to being strangers. You hadn’t entertained the idea much since then, you had found yourself thinking about him less and less. Still, whenever you thought about meeting him, you hadn’t anticipated the bitterness that grazed your insides.

Jacob chuckled awkwardly. “Well, you said you were busy. I have been busy as well, I’m working with a few very big names, you know. I got my hands on some of the best songs of the year.”

“I’m sure they’re great.”

“Haven’t you listened to any of them? You must have heard a few of them. They were everywhere.” Jacob was talented enough and well-connected and he sure liked to brag about it. “I asked Zayn and he said you were doing well, working of course. And you got yourself some company too.”

You clenched your jaw to bite back the harshness burning on the tip of your tongue. You hated the way he said it and the way it reminded you of your mother.

“It was a bit of a surprise, I’ll admit. I don’t remember you ever talking about adopting, you didn’t seem a big fan of the idea. No offense of course,” he directed the last part to Namjoon and Yoongi.

“Things change,” you said dismissively. “We have to go. There are people waiting for us.”

Jacob’s smile didn’t falter but his eyes narrowed a fraction for only a second. He may only be part of your past but you could still read him well. Was it the same for him? Had he ever been able to read you in the first place?

“Of course,” he said. “I’ll see you around.”

“Sure.”

You turned around and started walking, Namjoon and Yoongi following you. Last year you loved him enough to move in with him and this year you couldn’t stand to be in his presence. You thought you would feel nothing when you’d see him again but the truth was that everything about him irritated you. His poised smile, his bragging, his nonchalance.

Why was he able to get under your skin like this? You were over him, you didn’t want anything to do with him. But you were supposed to be civil, uninterested like the heroines who didn’t raise more than an eyebrow in the direction of their exes. It irked you and the way he looked at Namjoon and Yoongi irked you more. You had defended him to everyone, he wasn’t a bad guy, he didn’t treat you badly but as time passed you were starting to realize some things you couldn’t see clearly before.

Yoongi was the first one to speak up when you had almost reached the coffee shop, “What an asshole.”

“He isn’t–” You stopped yourself and laughed. “You know what? He is, a little bit.”

“A little bit?” he repeated, doubtfully.

“I don’t want to judge but…” The way Namjoon paused told you everything you needed to know. “I had to try very hard to stop myself from growling at him.”

Yoongi smirked. “Down, wolf.” Namjoon ignored him.

“Thank you for not doing that, that wouldn’t have ended well. Please, don’t growl at people.”

“I don’t know if I can promise that.”

Well, you couldn’t say that you minded that much. You could admit to yourself that Namjoon growling was kind of hot. And if the situation called for it…

“I didn’t like the way he spoke to you,” Namjoon said. “It was weird. There was something about it that was wrong, almost demeaning.”

“He can be like that sometimes. Like he is above almost everyone else, like some things are beneath him. He would make those stupid comments and I would always try to ignore them,” He was always supportive of your career and proud of your success but he had never shown interest in any of your other hobbies and likes. Reading was boring, paintings were overrated and overpriced, drinking tea was pretentious. “I never thought I would be one of those shit-talking their exes unless they did something really bad.”

“I support this shit-talking,” Namjoon said.

“I do too,” Yoongi agreed.

It made a strangely pleasant feeling run up your spine. “We’re here,” you said, instead of continuing the conversation. According to Google Maps, you had arrived at the coffee shop.

As you walked inside, you might have heard Yoongi saying lowly to Namjoon, “I kind of wanted to punch him.”

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

You were sitting on the chair in front of your vanity, braiding your hair and stuck thinking of the same scene. Before going to his room for the night, Taehyung had approached you and thanked you for taking him to the exhibition. His expression was sincere and you finally felt like you were moving in the right direction. 

When there was a knock at your door, you already knew who it was before you called for them to come in.

“Can we sleep here tonight?” Jimin asked, Jungkook draped over his back.

“When have I ever told you no?” you asked, finishing your braid and securing it in place with a silky scrunchy. “Go on.”

They both hopped on the bed, bouncing a little and sharing delightful smiles. You watched them through the mirror as they rolled around, holding each other.

Jimin looked up from where he was tangled with Jungkook, holding your gaze through his reflection. “Are you coming?”

“I am, I am,” you said, putting your brush back in the drawer.

You joined them on the bed, their hands quickly reaching for you and situating you between them like the last time. Jimin purred in contentment, rubbing his face in your collarbones. Jungkook held onto your arm and you could feel his breath caressing your neck with how close he was lying. 

An unwanted echo of what Jacob had said entered your mind.  Always working, never having time for anything else or anyone else, even the ones most important to you. You were gone most of the days and it made sense that they wanted to be close to you at least at night.

“Did you have fun today?” you asked them to distract yourself. 

“I loved it! Eliana was so nice and her paintings were incredible,” Jimin said.  “I took so many photos, my phone must be full of them.”

Jungkook nuzzled up closer to you. “I took many photos too. Can we print the one we took of us all together? I want to put it in our room.”

“Yes, please,” Jimin added cutely.

“Of course. You should print a couple more too, if you want, and choose some pretty frames for them. There is a lot of free space in your room.”

They cheered a little. You lied there in comfortable silence but you could detect a nervous energy in the air. It was in the way Jimin was fidgeting with the hem of your silk night shirt and how tightly Jungkook was gripping your arm. You waited until they were ready.

“We actually… we have something to tell you,” Jimin said.

“Anything you want, kitten,” you said, running your fingers through his hair. You could see how the use of the nickname affected him, squirming a little as his smile grew sweeter. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I just–” He looked at Jungkook, who gave him an encouraging nod. “I kissed him, we kissed. And… it makes me very happy.”

Jungkook caught Jimin’s hand that was pulling at your shirt and intertwined their fingers, laying their joint hands on your stomach. “He makes me very happy too,” he said in a small voice.

The new knowledge was like a puzzle piece sliding into place. It felt natural to you that their relationship would progress like that. The way they looked at each other, the way they touched each other, was evidence of a deeply intimate connection. If the image your mind conjured of them kissing lit a spark in your chest, you hid it even from yourself.

“Thank you for telling me. If it makes you happy, then I am happy too. All I want for you is to be happy and know how loved you are. Come here.” You pulled them closer and placed lingering kisses on their foreheads. “I will always support you. Always.” You took a decision then. You couldn’t put it off any longer. “I have something to tell you too. Jimin already knows but Jungkook, I would like for you to know too. I don’t know how to say this exactly and I’m sorry we’ve kept this from you but I, Namjoon and Jin have been romantically involved. All of us. We have been kissing too.”

“Oh.” Jungkook paused. “That makes sense.” You couldn’t help but laugh at that, Jimin joining you. “I mean you’re very close and it just makes sense. We’re pack and I think that most packs are a little in love with each other, in one way or another,” he said. His cheeks felt hot against your shoulder.

In one way or another. He was right, it was such a special bond and you could imagine that for hybrids who felt the sense of pack deeper, the lines were easily blurred. A door opened in your mind but you closed it again forcefully.

Jimin fit his face in the crook of your neck. “I love you. I love you so much, all of you. Our pack. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you. I don’t know if I deserve this.” His voice was wet.

“You do,” you stated. “You deserve everything and more. And we love you so much. So much.”

Jungkook squeezed his hand. “We love you, Jiminie. Our pack wouldn’t be complete without you. We need you to be whole. We need everyone.”

Their hands remained linked over your abdomen as you fell asleep.

Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing

[jmdbjk]

It's got that VIBE baby... like the friend-zone vibe.

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! Are You Sure? Episode 3...

I had trouble with the title of this post...

Jungkook's savage era

Jungkook: Tae, get off my lawn! (he means Jimin)

Puppy playdate!

But I went with the one I did because wow... what a difference between Episode 3 and the first two.

So here we are in Jeju and it's really gorgeous there. The villa they rented looked amazing.

My first impression after watching the entire episode: a whole different vibe than when Jimin and Jungkook were in Connecticut.

Examples:

Episode two, Jimin wants to jump in the shopping cart at Walmart and Jungkook says no, stop playing around, let's shop for ingredients "so I can cook you the best carbonara that ever passed between your lips."

Episode three, Jungkook and Tae run around like 5-year olds shooting a water pistol at Jimin's ass.

What was the difference? Tae's presence changed the dynamic and everyone went into friend mode. Episode 3 was less adulting and more silliness.

In no particular order...

This sequence sets the tone:

Was this staged or spontaneous? The crew were seated at the restaurant when Jimin and Tae took off running with Jungkook close behind...but the drone was already in the air ready to catch it all.

The drone camera man was ready!

Locals minding their own business when the biggest celebs in all of Korea run past them, one cussing the other out ... probably thinking rich celebs got no sense, running through the streets of Jeju trying to feed each other... they'd be right I guess.

They are back on the road to the accommodations and singing the explicit version of Seven while Jungkook is on the Harley behind them:

🎶 Fucking you right 🎶 (in front of the church):

Gratuitous shot of JK on the bike:

Another...and he's wearing the same pants from the yacht in Connecticut.

If Tuesday, Sept. 26 is the day they arrived in Jeju, Jungkook had just come back from NYC the day before. The man had to be tired.

Jimin wanted Jungkook to be hydrated and caffeinated. They drive thru Starbucks.

Tae never having gone through a drive thru before. What?!?

They get to the villa, show us around... its stocked with everything, even JK's Mikrokosmos lamp...

Except no Twinkies...

I'm not sure what Jimin is telling Tae to do here... script says go lay down so we can stage you having a bonding moment with JK? Or what? (just kidding).

A moment of relaxing for Tae and JK... cuddle me dammit! Or was this a prank Jimin and Jungkook schemed so Jimin could get revenge on Tae with the water pistol? Really, I want to know. The chronology of the editing is giving me a headache.

Nice. Swim trunks, nice...

Which leads to swimming... and water pistols...and nakedness.

That being said, what's up with Jimin having stomach issues so much? Back in April 2023, he said he wasn't well the day when he came on Weverse live at 3 a.m. when Like Crazy hit #1 on the BBHot100. This is getting concerning.

Again, a few people watching the hilarity...

They were laughing SO hard. Jimin was laughing hard too even though he was the one being pelted with water!

Jimin got out of his soaked pants and then took a nap... on the hard floor, in front of the camera crew...

What is this? Recycling wine bottles? Party party yeah? What?

Then they went to the climbing wall/go kart place... Jungkook was IN HEAVEN!

Jimin busts his lip while making Tae do the sandbag grab in mid air. Jimin can't catch a break.

At the go kart track, first thing we see is Jimin with a band aid on his face... what the fuck?

Then the bandaid is gone:

Jimin with a bandaid on his face at the beginning of the racing karts segment and then it disappearing at the end. In post-production they did not edit it chronologically. STOP REARRANGING THE TIMELINE!

iT mAkEs A bEtTeR StOrY... ok whatever. How about just tell us wtf happened instead? Or will we find out in the behinds?

Tae and Jimin race...JK has something to say about it...

Mr. I'm-Fastest-To-The-Top-No-One-Can-Beat-Me-Wall-Climber isn't shading them because of a friendly race is he?

But the exchange after (I'm assuming this is after, but hell, who knows) ... Jungkook was a bit pissed. He really is jealous when Tae monopolizes Jimin. All is fine when he's playing around but let Tae take Jimin away from him and its time to throw hands!

And Tae understood this hahahahhaaa omg.

Episode 3 ends at the go kart track.

It was fun and funny. It was good to see them having fun. We all miss our Tannies all together and having three of them together is a treat. It WAS fun and I laughed a lot! But.

But this travel show series has been highly anticipated because we want to see Jimin and Jungkook together. We know they are close and we've been waiting so long to see them be themselves. So having Tae there, while it is great to see them together, he did change the dynamic. Definitely not the same vibe as the first two episodes.

We use words like very close, domestic, intimate, boyfriends, husbands, depending on how far each of us want to take it to describe Jimin and Jungkook. But we rarely say soulmates with these two.

The definition of soulmate is a close friend or romantic partner with whom one has a unique deep connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance, according to Merriam-Webster.

That describes Jimin and Jungkook perfectly. We always use the term soulmates about Jimin and Tae. Its true they have a level of friendship that is already automatic because of their culture and we know the history between them.

Yet, no matter what we describe Jimin and Jungkook's relationship, it is very clear that these two men are soulmates too. They take care of each other, they care about the well-being of each other. They are in tune with each other even if they disagree on something. They are vocal about all of this. They are very close. We need to start using soulmates more often with Jimin and Jungkook.

It does not describe Jungkook and Tae's relationship. At all.

At the start of this travel vlog business, JK wasn't sure what they were doing but by the end of their trip in the U.S. he was fully on board.

When I saw the first Jeju promo it was obvious to me he had taken co-ownership of this franchise too. I could tell by that attitude in his tone in the promo. Here was Tae... adamant to tag along after finding out two days before that he was being left out of a trip to Jeju. Never mind respecting that this was Jimin and Jungkook's project.

We felt the first two episodes were more "intimate" because we saw the little things... touches, tone of voice, the way they behave with each other, just their natural chemistry. Did they butt heads a little? Yes, but not the same way as what happens between Jungkook and Tae.

Jungkook knew what would happen.

Understandable he’d be taken off guard. Jungkook had to pivot. He did well with it ... until Tae monopolized Jimin.

I am looking forward to next week!

[interesting-interludes]

the comforts of creatures (5)

creature comforts:

↳ material/bodily comforts, such as food, warmth, or special accommodations, that contribute to physical ease and well-being

→ pairing: ot7 x fem.reader

→ genre: supernatural!au, soulmate!au, hurt + comfort + recovery, angst with a happy ending, fluff, eventual smut

→ word count: 4.8k

→ summary: you learn what you are, and your reaction is far from what they expected. as they try to help you feel safe, the boys learn about your triggers, and they try their hardest to help in any way they can.

→ trigger/content warnings: PTSD (self-loathing, mistrust, flashbacks/nightmares) effects of brainwashing, lil’ bit of lore, overt and internalized racism/species-ism (?), vomiting, anxiety, mentions of starvation/food poisoning, mentions of physical abuse, dissociation, mentions of torture, aversion to touch, mc pushes jimin but he’s okay, jimin is an angel, facial/body scars, body dysmorphia/repulsion

→ a/n: thank y’all for your patience :) here’s some more hurt before the comfort lol

past part ← series masterlist → next part

part 5: scars and soothers

“This is you.”

The man is pointing at a detailed image drawn in faded ink. The rest of the page is filled with scripted text and anatomical diagrams.

You can’t look at first, scared of what you’ll find.

When you finally do, you don’t know what to think. There’s the thought that he’s kidding, he’s lying. He can’t be serious.

The drawing is of a creature with tawny-feathered wings extending magnificently in the air. It has the body of a powerful big cat, muscular yet elegant. Its four legs end in sharp-taloned feet. Its neck is framed by a golden mane, looking like a big frilly collar. The mane’s trail travels down the creature’s chest and back, ending in a flowing tail. It has the face of a lion, with white whiskers and deep yellow eyes, yet the regal posture of an eagle.

A diagram off to the left shows the inside of its mouth, lined with row upon row of sharp teeth and protruding fangs.

Looking back up, you search the faces of the men around you. None of them appear to be joking.

You can’t speak.

You’re one of them, one of the creatures they all despised. The creatures that roam the wild lands for easy prey, spreading carnage wherever they go.

No wonder they hated you so much. You’re not even human.

A few silent, involuntary tears fall from your eyes, which are locked back on the page. You wipe them away hastily.

The boys don’t know how to react, all looking at each other with concern.

“What...” you squeak out, voice choked. “What is it?”

“A gryffin,” Yoongi replies. “You’re a shifter.”

Something gurgles in your stomach. You clench your teeth, nails digging deep into the meat of your thighs.

You believe him. You don’t want to, but you believe him. You’ve always felt less than human, like something wasn’t right about you. Like something was just beneath the surface, clawing its way up.

Now you know why.

Jungkook, who’s sitting closest to you, slowly, cautiously puts his hand on your shoulder in an effort to comfort you.

But you flinch at his touch, jerking away.

You don’t catch the look of hurt that flits across his face. He knows you can’t help it, but it still stings to think that his touch physically repels you.

“What did they tell you about atypicals?” Namjoon presses, trying to shift your attention so you won’t look so disheartened by the reality of what you are.

From the way you look at him, he knows that you’ve never heard that word before. Or at least you don’t remember it.

“Atypicals are anything that falls out of the humanic species,” he explains patiently.

Your face scrunches in confusion.

“Humanic as in human,” he elaborates.

You don’t understand why he’s talking like that. You’ve never heard these terms before. In the place you came from, the “facility,” anything that wasn’t human was an abomination, a mistake in the eyes of nature.

Simple as that.

But here, things seem to be a bit more complicated.

Nausea is starting to bubble in your gut. You breathe carefully through your nose as you consider Namjoon’s question.

“They said...” you begin hesitantly.

They’re all on the edge of their seats, desperately wondering what those bastards brainwashed you to believe about their kind, your own kind.

“They said that they were monsters.”

Another pang of hurt thrums through their hearts.

“That...that they deserved to be hunted down like dogs.”

They can hear the pain in your own voice, either from witnessing their cruel behavior, or from realizing that you’ve been the target of it this whole time.

Your stomach churns.

“They said I wasn’t even worthy to lick the ground they walked on.”

They can all hear you choking on your tears, despite your attempts to hide it.

Jimin and Jungkook feel like their chests are going to burst from holding it in, both the sorrow they feel for you and the urge to rush forward and drown you in affection.

Jin and Namjoon have storms raging inside their heads. Namjoon is calculating, trying to decode what exactly their motive was and how to use it to track down the ones in charge of it all. Jin’s mind is reeling with ways to undo the damage they’ve done, mentally and physically.

Yoongi is swimming waist-deep in despair. He can’t help but think of what’s to come. You’ll have to relearn everything. How to shift, how to fight, how to cast. That is, if you even want to.

You feel the newly strung tension in the air, looking like you just realized you said all of those things out loud.

One look around the room, and your newly found voice retreats deep into your throat.

The man called Namjoon, his eyes have darkened, jaw clenched and ticking like he’s grinding his teeth.

The one who tended to your wounds is sitting stiffly in his chair, staring ahead with a new sharpness in his face.

The small dark-haired man has his hands clenched, prominent veins crawling up his arms.

You duck your head down, body stiff with nerves.

“You have to know,” Yoongi begins, voice calm as ever despite the rage just below the surface. “That’s not how most people think. Especially not here.”

Here in the North Regions, atypicals make up the majority of the population. Law enforcement, government, and public works are largely run by them, and prejudice is rarely an issue.

But how could you know that now?

They can all see the change. It’s almost instantaneous, the way your face shifts and loses all semblance of emotion. Just like that, the mask is back up.

Then there’s something else. A slight twitch from your nose, a well-hidden shudder. They can see your throat bobbing.

For a few seconds, it looks like you’re about to say something. Your tongue is moving inside your mouth, and you’re blinking rapidly.

Namjoon is about to utter some gentle encouragement, but a jolt racks through your body, making you hunch over.

All of a sudden you’re vomiting up everything you just ate.

Hoseok, Jungkook and Jimin can’t help but jump to their feet, panicked noises filling the air.

Taehyung’s eyes widen. All his limbs go rigid, paralyzing him in his seat. He feels sick himself.

Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi all look at each other.

Yoongi thrusts into action, heading to the kitchen with Jungkook in tow since he isn’t good around pungent-smelling things.

Namjoon starts giving instructions. Jimin, paper towels. Hobi, get the mop. Said men jolt into action, scrambling to do whatever they can to help.

Jin’s eyes have been fixed on you for some time now, catching your every move, including all the suppressed flinches and tremors.

He’s at your side in an instant, on his knees to try to catch your eyes. But it’s no use, you’re squeezing your eyes shut like you’re expecting to be hit.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he mutters in his gentlest voice. “It’s no big deal. No one is upset with you.”

As much as he wants to, he refrains from touching you right away.

Eyes still tightly shut, you flinch away from the sound of his voice, twitching with anxiety.

Jin can see you start to spiral, so he does the only thing he knows will work.

“Hey,” he begins, voice firmer than it was before. “Look at me.”

Your eyes snap open, shining with moisture.

“That’s my girl,” Jin says before he can help it. “You’re going to calm down for me, yeah?”

Your eyes desperately search his face, looking for any sign of anger or deception. You find none, not even a hint of disgust, and your breathing starts to slow.

All that’s there is the man who tended to your wounds, watching you with those patient eyes. His handsome face is calm, attentively anticipating whatever you need right now.

Sweat gathers on your skin. That same sensation crawls up your throat, saliva pooling in your mouth.

Jin notices the signs immediately.

“Come with me,” he orders softly, putting a light hand on your back and leading you to the nearest bathroom.

You don’t know what to do with yourself.

You remember vomiting a few times at the facility. Once from eating a rotten vegetable, the mold making it impossible to identify. And once when a handful of keepers had held you down, repeatedly punching you in the stomach, until you gave in and called yourself a mutt.

Both times you were severely punished for making a mess. You learned to hold it in your mouth and swallow it down after that.

Jin guides you to kneel over the toilet. He keeps talking to you, but you only process half of what he’s saying.

“Go ahead, let it out,”

You can feel it creeping up, burning and sour. But something deeper, something almost instinctual, tells you to keep it down.

“Stop holding it in, sweetheart,” he says, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “It’s not good for you. It’s okay to let go.”

Before you can think to suppress it, another wave of nausea surges through your body. The crescendo of it makes you wretch, emptying the last of your stomach’s contents.

“Good, good, just get it all out,” he encourages instead of beating you until you can’t breathe.

The bile is bitter in your mouth, but not more bitter than the dread clinging to your entire being.

He’s not going to punish me, you finally realize. It’s almost an impossible thought.

For a moment, you stay hunched over, frozen. Not sure what to do next.

“Here, come wash your mouth out,” Jin says, helping you stand up on shaky legs.

The sound of running water rings in your ears. You feel the coolness against your tongue, but barely register that you’re the one cupping it to your lips. Numb. You feel like you’re controlling your body from the outside rather than the inside.

“Now, let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

You look up at him for the first time in a while. His face is as kind as it was before, with the same full-lipped smile and warm brown eyes.

The man starts to lead you out of the room, that same gentle hand resting on your back.

It isn’t until then that you realize you’re still in the grimy clothes they found you in. And now the entire front of your shirt is stained with even more filth.

You glance into the living room as you pass through the hallway.

The other men are diligently cleaning the area you just soiled. The small dark-haired man and the muscular man are missing, though you can hear rustling from the kitchen.

The one with the jet black hair and bright face catches your eye, flashing a reassuring smile. It makes you rip your eyes away.

Jin guides you into the living room, and everyone immediately looks your way.

Shrinking, you’re shrinking into yourself as much as your body will allow.

“Someone run a bath,” Jin announces. “I think it’s time our little guest got some sleep in clean clothes.”

The fair-haired one steps forward and exchanges a subtle look with Jin, who’s standing slightly behind you.

“Would you follow me?” the shorter man says, holding out his hand.

It’s the one with the silver-gray hair and warm eyes. You think his name is Jimin. His face is soft and friendly. It asks a silent question: will you trust me?

You don’t take his hand, but you do take a step up the stairs in the direction he’s leading you.

You don’t catch it, but Jimin and Jin exchange a heartfelt glance, nearly ecstatic at the fact that you’re beginning to trust them.

Jimin leads you up the stairs as the rest of them settle things downstairs.

When you reach the top, he guides you down a spacious hallway that’s filled with potted plants and window light.

Every single door, down to the very end of the hall, is open. Whether it’s open wide or just a crack, not one of them is closed or locked. You’re not used to it.

The man, Jimin, stops at a door halfway down the hall and looks back to check if you’re still following him.

You stop a few feet away from him, still keeping your distance, but your expression is open and neutral, waiting on his next move.

He gives you a calm smile, and continues into the room with you behind him.

This room is just as bright and inviting as the rest of the house. White walls and clean tile floors, but this time with a large porcelain tub and a sink with marble countertops.

The man turns to look at you with a question in his eyes.

“Shower or bath?” he asks.

It’s a harmless question, a considerate question. But your mind is yanked back to that place.

Shower. A torrent of fire raining down on you, vision blinded by steam. It comes from every angle, unrelenting no matter how much you scream.

They would strip you down and lock you in a metal stall the size of a coffin. Then the dotted ceiling would unleash a downpour of near-boiling water.

You would bang on the walls, but the water made the metal surface just as hot, the floor burning the bottom of your feet. Minutes or hours they kept you in there, not letting you out until your body was covered in burn marks.

Bath. The most intense cold you’ve ever felt. It’s everywhere, submerging you up to the neck, seeping down to your very bones.

They would chain you down in a tub full of ice, nothing but your head poking out of the frigid water. The cold chains cut into your skin the more you struggled. Your lungs would heave from the shock of it, your whole body shivering violently.

Then they would hold your head underwater until you were bucking like a stuck pig. This went on until you were utterly exhausted, falling limp against the freezing porcelain with nothing but the tight chains holding you up.

You’re snapped back to reality when the man takes a step closer. He’s watching you closely, trying to read your face.

Finally remembering that he asked you a question, you shrug your shoulders and shake your head.

You don’t want either. You don’t want to be anywhere near that tub. You want him to leave you alone.

Jimin guesses that the gesture means you don’t care which one. He figures you’re most likely still weak from malnourishment, and he doesn’t want you fainting and hitting your head.

So he opts for a bath, turning on the faucet. He sits on the edge of the tub, hand under the spout to monitor the temperature.

The sound of running water makes every muscle in your body tense up. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

It’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt. The fire, the ice, it’s going to burn and sting and cut into your flesh. You won’t be able to escape it.

Jimin doesn’t notice it at first, too focused on adjusting the knobs to get the water not too hot and not too cold, but your breathing has picked up again.

You can already feel it filling your ears, your mouth, rushing down your throat as your head is held down. Your skin prickles from the heat, it quivers from the cold.

The water in the tub continues to rise, and you can’t move. Your body is frozen, feet rooted to the floor as the sound of sloshing roars louder and louder in your ears.

Halfway full, now. It’s coming any second. He’s going to turn on you, throw you down and hold you under.

Burning, freezing. It’ll hurt and hurt and hurt.

Jimin turns his head, and his stomach drops.

Your eyes are squeezed shut, lips pursed like you’re trying to bite back a scream. Fists clenched at your sides, shoulders trembling, as your chest heaves up and down.

Immediately, he jumps to his feet and rushes over to you.

“What is it, babe? What’s wrong?” 

Then he makes a big mistake. He puts his hands on you.

His touch is gentle, nonthreatening, nothing but two hands on your shoulders. But you don’t want it, you’re repulsed by it. Because touch always comes before the pain.

On instinct, your body jerks away, arms moving to push the unwelcome touch away, just get it away. Your hands collide against something, hard.

When you open your eyes, the man is on the floor. Sprawled on his back, looking up at you with wide, slightly watery eyes.

There’s shock plastered on both of your faces.

Jimin’s soft heart hurts a little, he can’t help it. In all the years he’s known you, loved you, you’ve never ever been repelled by him. But that hurt is soon drowned by guilt.

He scared you, he made you feel unsafe. You felt the need to protect yourself and it’s his fault.

You’re staring at your hands in horror, completely floored by what you’ve done. You’re in for it now. He tried to help you and you hurt him. Now they’re going to hurt you even more.

Several sets of pounding footsteps draw near. The others must have heard the thud from downstairs and rushed up to see what was wrong.

What they don’t expect to find is Jimin crumpled on the floor and you standing over him in a braced position, but that’s exactly what they see when they peer through the doorway.

They’re all a little astonished, Jin and Namjoon are thinking deeply, and something in Taehyung’s eyes shifts.

He isn’t proud of it, but a surge of protectiveness washes over him, for his Jimin. He knows it’s unreasonable, unfair even. But it’s still there. And he can’t snuff it out.

A new fear consumes you. You were insubordinate, you resisted. You know what comes next.

A sob gets trapped in your throat as you sink down to the floor, burying your head in-between your knees and using your arms to shield yourself.

Immediately, the same way Jimin did, they all rush forward to comfort you.

“No!” Jimin blurts out, making you flinch and shake violently. “Don’t touch, give her some space.”

They all obey, keeping their distance with concern flooding their features.

Jimin shifts onto his knees, scooting a little closer but still keeping enough away.

“I’m sorry,” he nearly whispers, like he’s talking to a wild, cornered animal. “It was my fault entirely. I shouldn’t have touched you. I’m truly sorry.”

Jimin’s voice has always been soothing, even in the darkest times, and your breathing slows a little.

Jimin realizes that the faucet is still running, and he reaches over to switch it off. Then it comes to him.

He turns back to your trembling form, still waiting for the pain to come.

“You’re scared of the water, aren’t you?” he asks gently.

He doesn’t expect you to reply, he just wants to let you know that he’s trying to understand you, to help you.

You nod slightly.

It shocks them all again. You’re becoming more responsive.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Jimin says with all the sincerity he can muster. “It’s not your fault. I promise I won’t do that again.”

Your shoulders gradually stop trembling, breath coming evenly now.

Jimin looks at his mates and gestures for them to give you some more space so you can calm down.

They all do as he says, except Tae. He lingers in the doorway, his piercing eyes flickering between you and Jimin, thinking.

The two men exchange a meaningful glance. Jimin gives him a reassuring smile and nods his head as if to say “There’s nothing to worry about. I got this.”

Tae gives a slight nod back and turns to leave, throwing one last look at you.

Jimin sees the hint of distrust hidden in that look. He files it away for later.

Turning his attention back to you, Jimin looks at the tub and thinks of a solution.

“You don’t have to get in the tub, okay? We can just...” Jimin opens the cupboard under the sink and takes out a handful of washcloths.

“Like this, see?” He dips one of the cloths in the water, using it to wipe down his face.

“Is that okay?” he asks.

You scan his face. Those big brown eyes are full to the brim with kindness, as if you didn’t just hurt him moments ago.

You nod.

Jimin smiles so big it almost hurts his cheeks, heart swelling as you hesitantly hold your hand open. He puts another cloth in your waiting palm.

“Okay, here’s the soap, shampoo, conditioner. You can wash your face with this. Use whatever you want, okay?”

You look at him, trying to convey with your eyes what your mouth can’t say. He stays there for a moment, sitting with you on the tile, answering your every question with just his expression.

It’s okay. You’re safe here. No one is going to hurt you. You can trust me. I understand you.

Breaking from his reverie, Jimin gets up and moves to leave.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” he says, swinging the door closed.

You shoot forward and grab the knob just before it shuts.

Jimin jumps a little, whipping back around. There’s confusion on his face, then understanding.

“Okay, we’ll leave it open just like this. I’ll be just outside if you need anything, okay?”

You feel the tension release from your chest, and nod back.

Another warm smile, and then he disappears into the next room.

He’s not going to lock you in. Another impossible realization.

Turning around, you stare at the full tub. Your heartbeat skitters a little, but you take a step towards it anyways.

When you dip your fingertips in the clear water, you expect it to be scalding, or cold enough to numb, but it’s neither. The water is warm and calm, it doesn’t burn, it doesn’t sting.

Another breath releases from your lungs.

You use the cloth and soap to wipe down your whole body, shedding your dirty clothes and tossing them aside. Soon the tub is cloudy from the dirt on the washcloth. You even dip your hair into the water and use a little shampoo to get some of the grime out.

You sit there and wash yourself until the water turns cold. Using the counter to steady yourself, you slowly come to a stand, even though your legs are aching.

The sight in front of you is enough to shock you into silence again.

You can’t remember the last time you saw your reflection. You wish you weren’t seeing it now.

The person in the mirror is ugly and pathetic. Her short hair is a mangled mess. Haphazardly cut with a pair of dull scissors, it sticks out in all different angles. Her eyes are blank and lifeless, red-rimmed and surrounded by dark circles. There’s a large, hideous scar across her left cheek, deep and forked like a flash of lightning.

Her body is weak and repulsive. Slouching forward, she’s barely able to hold herself up. She’s covered in scars and marks, all over her legs, her arms, her torso.

You know there are worse scars behind you.

Horrifically entranced, you slowly reach up to touch the scar across her face, your face. Your fingertips meet the textured tissue, and then there’s the pain.

It’s not a physical pain, it doesn’t originate from the scar itself. It’s a pain deep in your chest, spreading and infecting the rest of your body. It maims you, twists your insides, disfigures your soul.

You muffle the silent scream with a hand over your mouth. Knees buckling, you barely have any strength left to keep yourself upright.

You’re barely you. You don’t remember who you were before, but you know it wasn’t this.

A gentle knock on the door. 

You immediately stifle any signs of discomfort, snapping the mask back on with frightening accuracy.

Jimin’s arms poke through the gap in the door. He sets a bundle of clothes on the counter.

“Here you go," his pleasant voice says. “Please let me know if they’re comfortable enough.”

You wait a good twenty seconds before you reach for them. A warm green sweater and soft cotton pants.

You hurriedly slip them on to hide your disgusting body.

Leaning closer to the door, you try to hear beyond the wood. Hushed voices, muted footsteps.

“Ready, love?” a smooth voice sounds from just behind the door.

You flinch away, trying your best to make your hair look less unkempt.

It’s Jin who cautiously swings the door open, greeting you with an affectionate smile.

“Much better, hmm?” he says.

You manage a curt nod, following him with your head down to another room. 

It’s the room from earlier, the one with the massive bed. The rest of them are here waiting, muttering quiet words until you arrive. Then they go silent and set their eyes on you, asking a question you can’t understand.

Why are they all looking at you? You don’t like it, not at all. People who look like them shouldn’t look at someone like you. You’re wrong, inside and out.

They all notice the change. Now your eyes are trained on the ground, head bent and shoulders folding in on yourself like you wish you would disappear.

Jin ushers you towards the humongous bed, encouraging you to settle in under the covers. He tucks the comforter around your body, fluffing the pillows behind your head.

“There, nice and cozy,” he says, sounding satisfied for the time being. “Rest up, okay love? You’ve been through a lot.”

Why are they talking to you like that? You’re disgusting. They should be throwing you out on the streets to fend for yourself like a common rat.

The small dark-haired man kneels down next to you. He hands you a mug of steaming amber liquid, using the bed sheets to shield your hands from the hot surface.

“This should settle your stomach,” he says.

While Jimin was getting you cleaned up, Yoongi and Jungkook were hard at work cooking up a tincture for your nausea. Essence of lavender to help you sleep, peppermint to refresh your throat, a little ginger to ease your stomach, and some of Yoongi’s highest-quality potions to replenish your nutrients. And, of course, Jin stirred in a copious amount of honey to sweeten it up.

You hold the cup in your hands like it’s a ticking time bomb.

Yoongi looks at his mates in confusion and concern, not sure what to do. Jimin catches his gaze, and gestures wildly with his hands. He exaggeratedly mimics holding the cup and taking a sip, and then Yoongi understands.

He gently takes the mug from your hands and holds it up to his nose.

“Let me check if it’s too hot for you,” he says, blowing off some of the steam and taking a long sip. He makes sure to swallow with audible emphasis.

“Okay, it should be good,” he says, handing it back to you.

This time you hold it close to your chest like it’s a precious gem, slowly sipping away at the frothy liquid. 

They all look at each other with a relieved, triumphant expression.

Namjoon steps forward and leans down to level his face with yours.

“There’s water for you over there,” he gestures to a table in the corner, complete with a pitcher and cup. “And the bathroom is the next door over.”

You nod to show your appreciation, still avoiding eye contact.

Jin enters your field of vision again.

“Do you think you can hold down some meds?” he asks. It’s sincere, no seeming deception behind it.

But you still shake your head vehemently. You don’t want anymore pills. In fact, you don’t want to see another pill ever in your life.

“Okay, love,” he says, smiling again. “Just rest up for me. For us.”

You have no idea what he means by that, but you sink into the pillows anyway.

One by one they filter out of the room, casting a last look at you before they leave.

You wish they wouldn’t. Their eyes seem to leave even more marks on your skin.

The door starts to swing shut. Then someone mutters something, and it stops just before it closes completely. 

Footsteps recede, silence settles upon the room.

You manage a few more sips from the steaming mug, eventually setting it aside. The bed is soft and comfortable, but you can’t bring yourself to lie down. 

You sit there, watching shadows dart across the wall, for hours.

a/n: thanks so much for reading!! if you enjoyed it please leave a comment on what you thought of the story/any questions it would mean the world to me!! and if you’re feeling extra generous, please reblog with tags it helps to spread the story around, thank you!! 💖

[gukgi]

230402 ◇ set me free pt.2

[btschooseafic]

BTS Comforting You

For anyone who’s had a bad day recently.

~~~

Seokjin

“Jin?” You called out as you stepped through the door. You slipped off your shoes.

“I’m in here!” Jin called back. You padded into the kitchen in your socks.

“Sorry, I’m late...” You froze, staring at the takeout containers on the table. “What’d you get?” You peeled back the lid to one. “Jin,” you choked out, starting to tear up. It was soup from your favorite restaurant.

“I know.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “Why don’t you take a shower and change and I’ll heat this up.”

You cried in the shower, letting the water wash away all of the evidence. When you stepped into your room, you saw your comfiest, most worn out pair of pajamas laid out on the bed.

Jin had set the food up in the living room on the coffee table. He ushered you over to the couch, laying a blanket over your shoulders and placing his favorite plushie on your lap.

Then he sat down beside you, queuing up your favorite TV show, even though he’d complained just yesterday that you’d watched it too many times.

“I never said such a thing!” He denied, when you pointed it out.

You just laughed, feeling the stress of the day melt away as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

~~~

Yoongi

Yoongi rushed into the kitchen when he smelled smoke.

“Is everything okay?”

“No,” you said tearfully, explaining how you’d burnt the cookies you had been trying to make for your cousin’s birthday.

He looked at the smoking black lumps on the tray.

"...These were supposed to be cookies? Are they charcoal cookies?”

“Yoongi!”

He held his hands up in surrender.

“Let’s go over the recipe together, figure out what went wrong,” he suggested. You frowned.

“But didn’t you have plans today?”

He shrugged. “Plans change. Where’s that recipe?”

“...If you’re sure.” You pulled it up on your phone.

…

“Well...” You poked at one of the cookies. “They look okay. But do they taste good?”

“Only one way to find out.” Yoongi snatched one out of the tray and plopped it into his mouth.

“Ah, wait!”

“Hot! Hot!” He fanned his face. You rolled your eyes, smiling a little fondly. He chewed. “It’s not bad, though.”

You perked up. “...Yeah?”

"I promise I’d tell you if they weren’t.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He took your hand in his, pressing a little kiss to your knuckles. “I’m proud of you.”

Your face heated up. “You helped.”

“But you did most of it.”

“But you helped!”

“...Fine. Then we both did a great job.”

You laughed. “Fine.”

He wasn’t able to come to your cousin’s birthday party with you, but you got a text from him while you were there, telling you the cookies really did turn out great, and if your cousin doesn’t like them she’s stupid and he’ll eat them all.

~~~

Hoseok

“Hey, babe, have you seen the--” He cut off as he stepped into the room. You were standing in just your underwear, glaring at the bed, which was covered in what looked like your entire wardrobe. “...Not that I mind the view, but what’s going on in here?”

Your brow furrowed as you turned to him. “You’re joking. I look awful.”

“What?” He frowned. “No.”

“I do.” You shook your head. “Nothing looks good tonight.” You gestured at the bed. “So the problem’s gotta be me. I just shouldn’t go.”

“Well, you don’t have to go, if you don’t want to, but you have been looking forward to it for a while,” he reminded you. You sighed. That was true. It was hard to get all of your friends together for a night out. “Why don’t I help out?”

He helped you look through your clothes, putting together something that he insisted accentuated your best features, and, truthfully, you felt pretty confident in it.

By the time you left the house, he was covering you in kisses, saying he changed his mind, you should stay home with him instead.

You just giggled and waved as you stepped out the door.

Later, you wished you had stayed.

“Wow. You really left the house looking like that?”

It was a friend of a friend looking down their nose at you, someone you had never met before, so their opinion shouldn’t matter, but...

You stormed into the apartment, tears of frustration welling up in your eyes. Hoseok was sitting on the couch, clearly nodding off in front of the TV, but he jerked up, fully awake when he saw your face.

“What happened?” He asked. You told him. His brow furrowed. “That fucker.” You snorted. “No, seriously, who says something like that to someone they’ve just met?” You shrugged. “Look...” He pulled you into his lap. “I know you a lot better than that person, right?” You nodded. “And I happen to know you’re gorgeous.” Your face scrunched up. He kissed the wrinkle on your nose. “You’d be gorgeous in almost anything, but that outfit accentuated your features nicely, and most importantly, you liked the way you looked in it. If you liked it, no one else’s opinion should matter.”

“No one?” You wondered. “What about you?” He shrugged.

“You can dress up for me if you like, I’d like that, but your opinion should still be the most important one,” he said. You frowned. He rested his hands on your waist. “Sometimes I wear clothes you don’t like.” You smiled sheepishly. “I know that.” He snuck his fingers under your clothes and tickled your sides. You laughed and swatted at him. “But I still like the way I look, so I’m still gonna wear them.”

“For the record,” you said. “Even if I don’t like some of your clothes, you still look good in them. It’s almost annoying how good you look.”

He flushed. “Right back at you.”

~~~

Namjoon

You knew as soon as you woke up. You glanced at your phone. Your alarm was set to go off in an hour.

“Joon?” You shook his shoulder.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t think I can go today. I’m so sorry.”

He turned to you, brow furrowed, eyes still heavy with sleep.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s...” You bit your lip and gestured at your head. “One of those days.”

“Oh baby.” He pulled you closer, pressing a long kiss to the top of your head. “So sorry.” You made a noncommittal noise against his chest. “Do you want me to push? I could make some coffee, we could try that meditation routine?”

“I know I should, but I really can’t today,” you said. “I’m just going to sleep.”

“...Okay.” He ran his hand over your back. “I’m here, if you need anything.”

“...Thanks,” you said, your voice small. “But, you could go by yourself, or with your friends, if you want.” You knew he had really been looking forward to that hike.

“I could,” he acknowledged. “But today I’d rather stay with you.”

You were in and out of sleep for several hours. Every time you woke up, he was by your side, reading. Finally, the pressure in your bladder got you out of bed.

Now you were fully awake.

“Still up for that coffee?” You asked hesitantly.  “It’s too late to get to the mountain, but... if you want to go for a little walk... I’d like to try.”

“Coffee!” He agreed. He glanced at the clock. “Maybe decaff...”

You walked hand in hand, half-listening to him tell you about the book he read today, half-focused on the cool breeze on your face. It felt nice, even with the little rain cloud of feelings in your chest. Maybe that cloud would burst, but at least you wouldn’t be alone in the storm. You squeezed Namjoon’s hand.

He looked at you and smiled.

~~~

Jimin

You were lying with your head on his chest, legs tangled up together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jimin asked softly, as he rubbed your back.

“Everything’s just been too much lately. I’m so tired, all the time. My body feels heavy.”

Jimin nodded slowly. “Should I run a bath for you?” He offered. “And I can give you a massage?” He wiggled his fingers. “Magic hands.” You laughed a little.

“Alright. Thanks, Jiminie.”

“Hmm.” He gave you a kiss and then tumbled out of bed. “I’ll be right back.”

You asked him to take a bath with you. It was a large tub, but you sat close, tucked together so you could feel each other’s warmth.

After the bath, he gave you a massage.

Your body ached less. You felt a little lighter, even though your problems were still there, and there wasn’t much you could do about it.

The next day, you were staring blankly at your work computer when you heard a familiar voice say, “Guess what I have?”

Your eyes widened. “Jimin?”

He grinned, casually leaning against your desk as if he belonged there.

“Guess,” he repeated, swinging a plastic bag from his hand. You sniffed.

“Is that...?” It was food from your favorite takeout place.

He laughed. “No way, your nose is way too good!” He tapped it. “Are you a puppy?”

“You’re the puppy,” you grumbled, pinching his cheek. “Fetching me food.”

He rolled his eyes. “Bad puns won’t scare me away. I’m determined to eat lunch with you... isn’t it about time for your break?”

You glanced at the time on your computer screen. “Oh, huh, you’re right.”

He shook his head. “You need to stop getting caught up in work and forgetting to eat. Let’s eat together.” He pouted at you. “Please?”

You sighed. “Such a hardship to eat my favorite food with someone I love and adore.”

He giggled and hit your shoulder lightly.

~~~

Taehyung

“Put this on.”

“Huh?” You stared at the old t-shirt he was holding out to you. He gestured impatiently with the shirt.

“Come on.”

You squinted at him, considering. He pouted. Fondness cut through the turmoil in your mind. You sighed.

“Fine.”

He grinned. You pulled off your shirt. He hummed, looking you over appreciatively, poking at your sides. You whacked his hand away, pulling on the shirt he gave you. He looked you over again. “Do you care about those pants?”

“Not particularly...”

“Great!” He grabbed your hand and pulled you into the other room.

“Why?”

“You’ll see.”

There were canvasses and paint set up in the living room, the carpet rolled up and pushed over to the side. “Ah. Oh...”

“You don’t like it?”

“I just... I don’t know if I have any ideas about what to paint right now.”

“Just go with the flow,” he said. “Paint what you’re feeling.”

You frowned at the blank canvass. “That would be an ugly painting.”

He shrugged. “Who says art has to be pretty all the time? Anyway, maybe it’ll help you feel better, at least a little, to get it out.”

You took a deep breath. “Alright. Let’s give it a try.”

He turned up the music loud, swaying and wiggling whenever a favorite song came up. As he wiggled, he accidentally flicked paint on you.

His eyes widened. “Sorry!”

You considered him for a moment. You splashed back. You both gasped for air, laughing so hard as you flicked and smeared paint over each other’s skin. Suddenly you were more covered in paint than the canvasses.

“I love it,” he said, hugging you from behind, rocking you slowly as he stared at your painting. “Are you finished with it?”

“For now,” you decided, reaching for his hand to intertwine your fingers with his. “Now let’s go take a shower.” He kissed your shoulder, spluttering when he got paint in his mouth. You laughed.

~~~

Jungkook

Jungkook quietly toed out of his shoes, ready to sneak down the hall so he didn’t wake you. Then he saw you curled up on the couch. You turned to him, your eyes red-rimmed and puffy. He let out a startled noise, the pleasant buzz from a night out drinking with his friends fading almost immediately.

"What’s wrong?” He asked, crouching down in front of the couch, trying to get a better view of your face. You shrugged.

“It’s just... I’m just... you know.”

“...One sec.”

You watched him speed in and out of the kitchen, then in and out of the bathroom. He got a cool washcloth and gently cleaned your face. Then he disappeared back into the kitchen and came out again with a mug of your favorite tea.

“Thanks.” You held it in your hands, letting the warmth soak into you.

“Anything else I can do for you?” His voice was so earnest. You had no doubt he’d find a way to bring you the stars if you asked for them, but all you wanted right now was his company.

“Tell me about your night?”

He blinked. “Okay.” He sat down, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, tucking his knees up against your legs. He spoke quietly in your ear, absentmindedly playing with your fingers while he told you about what he and his friends had gotten up to.

Then he spotted a small smile on your face. He grinned too and kissed it.

[foxxiesmeadow]

౨୧ voice it ─ p.jm

─ pairing: jimin x reader

─ summary: you started the day overwhelmed, in need of your boyfriends comfort but you didn't want to bother him. it bubbled within until it poured out of you through sobs and tears at the end of the day.

─ genre: established relationship, comfort, fluff, small angst, hurt/comfort (?)

─ warnings: insecurities, crying, self blaming (on both sides), being overwhelmed, breakdown, miscommunication, reader goes non-verbal for a bit, let me know what else i should add.

─ word count: 1.5k

─ author’s note: a little nervous posting this, pls let me know if you guys like this <3

Sometimes the words just never made their way out of your mouth. No matter how hard you would try, how you would open your mouth, lips forming to make out the words – your voice betrayed you. Every word caught in your throat, trapped by fear – an overwhelming anxiety that bubbles beneath your skin. 

And sometimes you let it happen. 

Such as when you sat in front of your boyfriend who was in his phone, back against the headboard. His free hand tapping against his covered leg, distracted by the tune playing in his head. You wanted nothing more than to curl up into his arms, burrow into safety that you knew would encase you. 

But you didn’t, you looked at him, eyes dulling from the way you told yourself not to. That he was enjoying his own time, and you shouldn’t try to ruin that. Jimin would be too sweet to tell you no and he’d get tired of your clingy ways. 

Sometimes you thought about how he would want to be anywhere besides in front of you, that he didn’t want to eat dinner and would much rather be with his friends. Or his family. You berated yourself when you asked to do something with him because you took too much of his time up. 

You’ve had insecurities since the beginning of the relationship, and he’s been nothing but kind to you every second. It was so overwhelming, your mind rejecting the idea that he actually wants you and it wasn’t just pity. 

But when he held you, the burning in your skin seemed to cease. When he hugged tighter, blanketing you in his existence, your aching lungs could breathe. When he spoke so softly, it made tears bud in your eyes and when he did soft touches against your skin, so comforting that you lost yourself in it, you wanted nothing more than to let go. 

You wanted that more than anything right now. You had gotten so worked up that you didn’t even realize it, throat parched and sparking with every word you said – making tears form in your eyes. You wanted to peel your skin off, everything was wrong wrong wrong wrong. 

It didn’t help that people were over at the house, Jimin’s friends – just the rest of the boys but they were loud, overwhelming. But what could you expect with friends who haven’t seen each other in a bit? Too caught up in their own work. 

When Jimin proposed the idea, you wanted to reject it. You wanted to say no and that you wanted it to be just you and him, some time alone but the smile on his face made you sway, and you gave in – watching how it brightened more. 

“-Y/n? Jagi?”  

Oh, his voice, you wished you could melt into it right now, just be swallowed up in it and away from the world. 

“Are you okay?” You turned from the counter you were burning a gaze at and smiled at him, the best one you could give and even if it faltered just a little, he seemed to not question it. And that hurt. 

“Yeah, just forgot what I came in here for.” 

You told him a mix of the truth and a lie. A dark mix that you’ve used before and before again, coating your words with it and watching the way Jimin, ever so trustingly, ate it. 

His gaze softened, eyes drooping with a smile that you’ve come to adore. “Okay Jagi.” He spoke. So trusting. 

And you were a dirty liar. 

The rest of the night barely went by okay, getting concerned stares that made you want to run away into your room but then they’d all know. 

So, you swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing yourself to act your best until night fall came. Their talking quieting down as plates of food were on the table, cups halfway full and the owners of most of them packing their things with tired limbs. 

Yours was dragging against the floor. 

You were in the middle of picking up all the dirty dishes when you felt arms wrapped around your waist. His cologne circling around you in a way that made you dizzy, you wanted nothing more than to lean against his back, to fall into the temptation. But did you deserve it? After all the lies and deceitful acts, did you really deserve him? 

“Something’s going on in that pretty head of yours, what is it?” He mumbled, grip on your tighter while he peppered kisses against your shoulder. “Talk to me baby, let me help you.” 

And it took everything in you not to break into a sob. Why did he make you so weak? 

“I’m fine...” You whispered, picking another plate. 

And with those words, his arms left you. You wanted to cry out from the action, needing to feel the firm hold from before.  

You didn’t even realize that you did in fact cry out until the plates in your hands were set down before they dropped to shatter against the ground, to be as broken as you were. And in place stood Jimin. Even in your teary vision, his figure would never be mistaken. 

“Jimin-” You cried, voice breaking with a sob climbing out of your throat. Your body was on fire, lungs flaring and all you wanted more than anything was to be in your safety net. 

“Oh Jagi,” he whispered, fingers tracing along your hands before he gripped them. “Come on, let’s get to bed.” He told you, pulling your body along. 

How did he always know what to do? 

You never got to have a safe space before, you never had a place to digress your emotions, to be weighted down to reality. Until you met Jimin. 

He pulled you into bed, the blankets and pillows arranged already to how you like. People always commented on how it looked like a nest (even heard the occasional omega comment from your fanfic fanatic friends), that it was weird and not normal but when you laid within it, whether it was weird or not didn’t matter because it was safety. And when Jimin came, it was home. The one place where no one else could be. 

He grabbed at the weighted blanket, the material just to your preference for when it laid against your skin, you didn’t want to scratch it off. Instead, you pushed yourself further beneath it, the way it wrapped around you was perfect. 

After the sobs subsided, your eyes met Jimin’s. You couldn’t speak, not now. But you needed him in here, you needed him. So, you reached out a hand, weakly wrapping it around his and tugging. 

“Do you want me to join?” 

You tugged again. 

“Okay.” He said, moving himself beneath the blanket and ever so carefully, he wrapped himself around you. He wanted to be sure that he understood correctly and if the way you practically pulled him closer was anything to go by, he knew he made the right decision. 

After that, time passed in an increment you couldn’t keep up with, not with how you were slowly bringing yourself to reality of it all. 

Jimin’s hand cupped your face, thumb rubbing gently against your cheek as he eyed you.  

“I’m sorry...” You shut your eyes. 

“For what?” 

“For... What just happened...”  

“Oh Jagi...” He whispered, “I know it’s not your fault, you were pent up and then everything was happening so much at once. I’m sorry for not noticing sooner, I get oblivious sometimes otherwise I would’ve never invited the boys over but don’t apologize for how you're feeling.” He told you, watching your bottom lip tug down. “Can you open your eyes for be Jagi?” He pleaded. 

And you did. 

“It’s not your fault Minnie, please don’t say it is.” You told him, a small twitch of the corner of your lip and he relaxed. 

“Okay.” He gave in oh so quickly. 

But the silence you two resolved in could only last for so long. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

You nodded your head, eyes focusing on his hair and unconsciously you reached a hand up to fix it. 

“What started it? Like – What made you pull away and get overwhelmed?” 

You knew the question would happen sometime, but it still made you freeze in your movement, handing coming down to run against his face, fingertips taking in the feeling of his skin beneath yours before you let out a breath, looking up at him. 

“Was lost in my head...I wanted to cuddle – but you had just gotten back from some stressful work, and you seemed comfy already... didn’t want to be a problem.” 

“If you wanted my affection, why didn’t you just say so?” Jimin frowned. “No matter what I’m doing or where I am, you can always ask for anything.” You slowly nodded with his words, gaze falling down while your head bowed. He sighed,  “I know it will be a lot of you to actually begin doing, your brain can tell you so many lies or memories from the past to feed into why you couldn’t do something with me but Jagi – Y/n, you are always welcome in my space, you can ask for things. I would never shun you from me.” 

likes, reblogs, and comments (including feedback) are appreciated <3

[alexxjewel]

CRYSTALSNOW YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MY HEART I'M SOBBING. MY POOR JIMINIE

It's so good though..

Request: On the way to dance practice, Jimin gets violently stopped by a hater. The members notice that he is gone but doesn't think much of it since he's always late (lol). Soon, they go drive around and look for him since they get worried and find him beat up. They help him heal physically and mentally <3

I knew requests like this would come after I posted my car accident story, but don't worry! I will gladly fulfill requests like this as well!

I actually had my real life friend help come up with the hater scene because I found it difficult to talk badly about our angel.

My psychological stories always end up with super long beginnings. Sorry^^,

Let's get to the story ~

Trigger warning: mental and physical abuse(obviously) please avoid in between the green lines if you aren't okay with violence

I couldn't fall asleep at all last night, I can't believe I'm this nervous when the award show isn't even until tomorrow.. I probably only got an hour of sleep..

Jimin sighs, yawning behind the face mask he adored to cover up most of his fsce. He told staff that he would walk to work today, thinking the fresh air would help wake him up, and he could stop by the nearby cafe to buy for drinks for him and his members.

Along with his face mask, he wore a black snap back that kept his face in the shadows, talking to the barista in a lower tone than his usual one. "I'd like 6 large iced Americanos and one hot chocolate, please, large for that one as well."

Despite all his efforts to keep his identity a secret, he felt like he was being watched. He looks around, trying to see who it is, jumping when he hears the barista speak again.

"That'll be 40.45, please."

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." He bows, quickly swiping his card. I'm just being paranoid.. I gotta calm down. Jimin takes a deep breath, going to the side to wait, going on his phone to try to ignore the feeling.

Jimin successfully gets his order, carefully holding the bag to try not to spill his precious cargo. They've been practicing for several hours a day for the past two weeks in preparation for an upcoming concert, and he knew his gift would cheer everyone up.

He checks the time surprised to see that even with his stop, he'd get there with a little time to spare. I'm actually going to make it. Namjoonie-hyung can't tease me today.

His smile quickly dropped when he felt someone walking uncomfortably close behind him. He stepped to the side in case they were just in a hurry and wanted to pass him, but when he stepped, so did they.

Did they follow me from the cafe?

Jimin felt his heart accelerate at the thought, picking up the pace. When he started walking faster, so did the man. There's no doubt they're following me..

Jimin looked around to see if there was anyone to ask for help, but with it being this early on a weekday, there was no one. He takes out his phone to try to call for help, but as soon as he unlocks it, he only presses one number before the man grabs his wrist pressing hard on his veins.

Jimin drops his belongings, the coffee he was trying so hard not to spill covering the pavement. "Th..that hurts, please let me go.." Jimin's eyes widen with fear, his voice coming an octave higher as he tries to use his other hand to pry the man from his other wrist. "What do you want from me...?"

"What I want? What I want is for you to quit BTS. Jin and Taehyung would get more parts if you weren't in the picture. Jin's voice is much better than yours, but he's too kind to ask for more lines, and Taehyung's dancing is overlooked just because you had prior experience. He's just as good as you, but you still make him live in your shadow, and he does it with a smile because you're his so-called friend." The man speaks in a soft tone, so no one but Jimin hears him, dragging him into an even more secluded area, Jimin unable to break free from the larger man's grip.

"What's going on?" A passerby asks.

"Oh, nothing. We train under the same company and he decided to try to skip out of practice! I was told to get get him. We're running late so I'm sorry we must go." The man lied naturally, pulling Jimin faster.

"Wait, no! I don't - " Jimin tries to speak, but the man digs his nails into Jimins's wrist, his pleas for rescue turning into a yelp.

"Now.. where were we?" The man continued when he gets them out of the prying eyes. "Oh yes, your lines hogging and you stealing the center far too often, you greedy little sh*t."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Th..that isn't true! We make sure everyone gets what suits the song best, I don't decide what parts I get.. we agree as a team!" Jimin's words are meant with a punch directly to his eye.

"You're a fu*kin' liar! You could easily turn down a part, but you don't because you're a greedy bastard! You might have everyone else fooled with that goody goody act, but I see right through it!"

Jimin stumbles to the ground, covering his already swelling eye with his hand slowly rising to his feet."I'm not acting.. I'm just being mys-"

Jimin's voice gets cut off when his attacker kicks him in the chest, keeping his foot firmly on top of him, the vocalist letting out a breathy moan as he struggles to breathe with the weight on his chest.

"I said to stop lying, you little piece of filth." The man glares down at him. "You're holding everyone back. You're just a leech piggy backing off the others' career."

Tears streamed down Jimin's cheeks, trying to relieve the foot from his body, but think man was much larger than him, his efforts in vein. "Hyung.. please.. help me.." he tried to scream but fear made his vocal cords too tight, his voice coming our as a whimper.

The man bends down, grabbing Jimin by the jaw, pulling him to his feet. "You can't do anything on your own. Come on. Hit me." The man taunts him, turning his head to the side for Jimin to punch, but Jimin opts to try to escape instead.

"Don't you try to run. I'm not done with you!" The man grabs him by the hair. "You didn't agree to quit!"

"I..I won't.. we're sev..aghm..." Jimin's whimpers as the man pulls harder.

"Plenty of groups do fine with 4 members. You aren't needed. Quit fooling yourself. They don't actually need you." The man throws him back to the ground, stepping on Jimin's wrist to pin him down. "If you won't quit, I'll just ruin that pretty face of yours. Then those fans you gush about so much won't want you."

Please.. someone.. save me...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where's Jiminie? It's already been fifteen minutes. He's never this late without calling first." Taehyung asks, finishing up his warm-up stretches quickly getting his phone to look for any messages.

"I don't know.. I'll call him. He probably stopped somewhere on the way. He told staff he would find his own way here." J-hope takes out his phone, waiting for an answer. "Huh? He didn't pick up.."

"What? That's not like him." Taehyung tried calling himself, frowning when he gets the same result. "I'm going to go see if he's nearby. Maybe his hands are too full to get his phone from his pocket."

"I'll go with you." Yoongi quickly offers, digging in his bag for a beanie and face mask. "Cover up Taehyungie, we don't want to draw too much attention."

"Okay Hyung." Taehyung gets his red baseball cap and his face mask, pulling his hood over it.

"Let me go too." Jungkook goes to get ready to go, but Namjoon stopped him.

"We don't know if he's missing or not. If they don't find him, then we'll all look okay? Let them handle it. They'll call if they need help."

Jungkook bites his tongue, wanting to argue, having too much respect for his leader to disobey him.

"Let's practice without them for now. Jungkookie, you wanted me to help you with the hook part in the new song anyway, right? I'll have the time to teach you one on one." J-hope distracts Jungkook while the two deagu boys leave the practice room.

"You don't really think he's just not answering because his hands are full do you?" Yoongi asks, trying to keep up with Taehyung's quick strides as he rushes out of the building.

"I just have a bad feeling, that's all.. let's walk towards his place.." Taehyung follows the path he knew Jimin would take, keeping his eyes open for the pink haired Busan boy.

Yoongi agrees, following beside him as they walk, freezing when he notices the toppled over paper bag from the coffee shop Jimin frequents after practice. "No.."

Taehyung follows the olders' gaze, but instead of the purple phone case. The one he just picked out with Jimin last week. Taehyung runs over, confirming his suspicions when he sees the lock screen. "Jimin-ah was here.."

"I'll call the others." Yoongi pulls Taehyung as he walks, dialing Jin's number.

"Did you find him?" Jin skips greetings.

"We found his phone.. someone had to have grabbed him.." Yoongi tries his best to speak clearly, but his heart thumps painfully in his chest with anxiety.

"I'll call the police. You get back to the studio." Jin motions for the others to come here.

"No, we're fine. We'll stay together. I need to look for him. I'm sorry, hyung." Yoongi hangs up before Jin can forbid it. He couldn't wait for the police. Since he's an adult, they could easily chalk it up as just him losing his phone and us being paranoid idols..

Yoongi went into the nearest shop, bowing to the woman at the counter. "Excuse me miss, but did you hear any commotion outside your shop?"

"I'm sorry, no. Is something wrong?" The shop keep answers, but Yoongi didn't have time to explain.

"I'm sorry I'm looking for someone I don't have time to explain." Yoongi pulls Taehyung along with him, asking anyone who gives him the time of day if they saw anything out of the ordinary.

"Please, sir.. did you see him..please just look this picture." Taehyung shows them a photo he took of him and Jimin yesterday, their face covered by the masks.

"The pink haired boy? Yeah, I saw him with another guy, probably his manager or security guard. You missed them about twenty minutes ago." The man tells them. "He should be back by now, don't worry."

"Which way did they go? What did that man look like?" Yoongi demands, coming out more harsh than he intended.

The man points towards the river. "They went that way. He was mostly covered and looked pretty average. A broad shouldered man with black hair and brown eyes."

"Thank you so much, sir." Taehyung bows before Yoongi pulls him. We need to find him.. I know Yoongi-hyung. I'm going as fast as I can.

Yoongi dragged Taehyung through the city, both of them stumbling over cracks in the sidewalk, quickly texting the others on the latest update. They had no idea where they were going. Their only thought was to find their missing member.

He was spotted with a man going towards the river. Heading there now. it's the only lead we got..

Yoongi texts quickly.

We'll meet you there. Let's meet at the bridge. I'll update the police.

Jin texts back.

Jimin was discarded underneath the bridge, unable to lift his head without pain. "Hyungie.." Jimin calls hoarsely to the open air, but his voice is drowned out by the sound of the wind and the river.

They probably won't bother looking for you

The man's voice rang in his ears, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The cold breeze of the river chilled him to the bone, Jimin hardly making it out of the water, laying soaking wet on the shore.

"Jimin-ah!" Taehyung's voice comes out hoarsely as he screams. They've been looking nonstop for the past hour. The police were no help, saying they lost them on camera, so the only lead they had was the river.

"Jiminie-hyung!" Jungkook yells after him.

The boys split up into two separate groups, going in different directions. Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jungkook were in a group together. One body guard went with both groups.

Namjoon was walking ahead of them at a brisk pace, freeezing in place when he sees the bright pink hair of Jimin in his current favorite oversized white sweater. "Taetae, Jungkookie.. I see him!"

Jimin could hear the voices of the others running towards him, feeling Namjoon pull him into his lap. "Hyungie..I'm..I'm cold.." Jimin could hardly see him, his eyes mostly swollen shut, but he could recognize the voices of his members anywhere.

"It's okay, it's okay. I got you. Let's try to get you warmed up some.. okay? " Namjoon takes off his jacket. "Jungkook, help me get his shirt off."

"They really hurt him." Jungkook felt his stomach drop when he saw all the bruises covering Jimin's face, his nose crusted over with dry blood, his lip swollen with a split down the left side. "We need to call an ambulance to be sure nothing is broken.."

Namjoon and Jungkook help Jimin get his shirt off, eyes widening when he sees the bruising continuing across Jimin's body. Anger flashed in Namjoon's eyes.

How could anyone do this to him? He's nothing but kind to everyone he meets..

Namjoon helps lead Jimin's arms into the jacket, Jimin inhaling sharply when his fingers bend.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just want to try to get you into something dry.." Namjoon gently takes Jimin's wrists, only now noticing his swollen fingers. Shit.. i gotta keep focused... I can't let my emotions cloud my judgment."He has at least a few broken fingers.."

"Help is on the way." The security guard, Jeong, called an ambulance while the members were busy with Jimin, taking off his jacket and throwing over Namjoon's shoulders.

"Jiminie..." Taehyung dries his tears with the back of his thumbs, voice coming out as a sob. He had never seen Jimin in such a rough state, the most he's ever seen was a wrapped up leg from dancing too hard

"D..don't cry

"Deep breaths, Taehyung.. we found him, and he's alive.. that's all that matters. You too Jungkook.." Namjoon tries to calm the younger boys, despite his emotions running high.

"You came.." Jimin croaked, his eyes watering again, shivering violently as he clings to his leader.

"What? Of course we came. We came looking the moment you didn't answer your phone. Why would you think that?" Namjoon rubs his hands across Jimin's arms. "Oh.. the others! Jungkook call seokjinnie-hyung."

"I meant. You found me.." Jimin quickly changes his words when he hears the pain in his leader's voice clearly hurt by his words. "Sorry..."

"Huh? Oh.. yeah.. right." Jungkook was still in shock on Jimin's condition. Following hyung's request, Jungkook looked away from Jimin, feeling sick to his stomach.

Could this have been any of the others? Namjoonie hyung rides his bike to work a lot of the time..

"Hy..Hyungie, we found..but but.. they really hurt him. We called for..for.." Jungkook spoke quickly, stammering out the words, his mind reeling with dark thoughts.

"Jungkook-ah breathe. I can't understand you. Did you find him?" Jin gently orders him.

Jungkook passes the phone to Taehyung, unable to calm his nerves, who takes it, wrapping his body around the Mankae.

"We find him, but it..it looks like he got jumped.." Taehyung did better to keep his voice under control, but Jungkook could feel his heart beating wildly against his back, clearly having the same thoughts.

"What? How bad is he?" Jin asks, voice filled with worry.

"He..he..ah..b..broke so..some fi..fingers.." Taehyung struggled to explain it to Jin, a hard lump forming his throat, when he tries to speak, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

"Hey..hey, it's okay, you don't have to talk about it okay? I'll just see for myself. Don't cry Vuu.." Jin speaks in a soothing tone, hearing Taehyung holding back a sob. "It's okay to be scared.."

Jungkook places his hands on top of Taehyung’s squeezing him. "You're gonna make me cry Hyung.."

"I'm sorry, Koo.." Taehyung takes a deep breath, burying his face in the youngers shoulder. The boys hear the ambulance in the distance.

There's no doubt they love me, but is it really okay for me to be one of the leads in both the dance line and the vocal line when Jin and Taehyung are more talented than I am..

Jimin felt guilt eat away at him, the words of his attacker ringing in his head.

"It's okay Jiminie, help is coming.." Namjoon wipes Jimin's tears, unaware of the mental trauma that was plaguing the pink haired vocalist.

"The police are here.." Jeong says entering the room. "They want to talk to Jimin-sii about what happened..'"

Jin looks at the sleeping vocalist, clenching his jaw. He didn't want to wake him, and the police offered little help, not even lending them a search party to find the missing boy. "Give us a minute."

Jeong nods, relaying the message.

"He needs to talk to them so they can help track him down.." Namjoon gently wakes Jimin. "Jimin-ah, you need to talk to the police for us okay?"

Jimin blinks sleepily, the pain medicine leaving him groggy. "Hm..?"

"Do you think you could tell the police what happened, Minnie?" J-hope asks gently.

Jimin felt his skin crawl with anxiety at the thought of explaining it in front of the other members. They're already upset enough..

"I'll tell them on my own..please?" Jimin asks softly.

"Whatever you want, Jiminie. We'll go outside for a bit, here..take my phone and call me when you finished.." Yoongi gives him his phone, cracked from hitting the pavement. "It still works, just be careful.."

"Alright.. Thanks Hyungie.." Jimin puts it on the side of the bed watching the others leave the room and two officers come in.

"Hello, I'm officer Kim and this is my partner officer Lee." He bows slightly, the other officer doing the same."

"Hello.." Jimin greets them, doing his best to bow respectfully, wincing at his sore rib cage.

"How are you feeling, Park?" Officer Kim asks, looking at Jimin sympathetically.

"Are you able to explain what happened?" Officer Lee joined in the conversation.

"I hurt all over, but I'll be okay.." jimin replies, wishing they would just her to the point and skip formalities.

"Could you explain to me what happened then?" Officer Kim asks, getting out a notepad to write with.

"I went to the Cafe to get drinks on my way to the hybd building where I work, but while I was in there, I felt like I was being watched. I thought nothing of it at first, just a fan too shy to approach me, but I was wrong..." Jimin's eyes grow wide in fear as the memory of the larger man looming over him as he leaves the Cafe, grabbing him roughly. His breath picked up his throat, coughing as his throat tightened as tears threatening to form.

"Park-sii, Park-sii it's okay.." Officer Lee touched his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Take your time.."

"Ah...I'm..I'm sorry.. I just need a minute..th..thank you.." Jimin stammers out the words, Officer Lee giving him a tissue trying to clean up his tearstained face.

"It's okay. You had a traumatic experience. Take your time." Officer Kim gave Jimin a kind smile.

Jimin takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself to continue the story, telling the officers about how he lied saying they knew each other, how he took him away from the others and threatened him to leave his group and beat him for refusing. Jimin was in tears as he spoke, using the tissue to dab under his nose that dripped with snot.

"He..he..just..hated me..that I was..was rui..ruining the band.." jimin finishes his story, wincing when he rubs his sore nose. He couldn't go into detail about what the man said, leaving that part vague, but the officers didn't press him to delve further.

"We'll find him." Officer Lee promises, but Jimin doubts his words. His face was covered and disappeared from sight on the cameras after dumping him.

"Thank you for talking with us. I hope you recover quickly." Officer Kim leaves with his partner.

Jimin sat in silence in the hospital bed staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his nerves before calling Yoongi. "Hyung.. come back please?"

"Of course. I'll be right up." Yoongi could tell Jimin was crying by his congested tone. "Stay on the phone, okay? I want to tell you about my visit home." Yoongi wanted to get his mind off the situation.

"Oh right.. you visited home to visit for a birthday.." Jimin couldn't remember if it was his mother's or his brother's birthday he went to celebrate, those little details slipping his mind. He was usually better at these sorts of things.

"Yeah, I did.. and My mom taught Holly a new trick. You know how I tried to teach him how to roll over but he wouldn't completely roll?" Yoongi pauses for Jimin to respond.

"Oh right, he'd go on his back or flop to his side but he wouldn't fully roll." Jimin felt a soft smile creep up across his lips to hear Namjoon gush about his precious pet.

Yoongi enters the room with Taehyung and Jungkook following behind.

"Where's Hobi-hyung and Namjoonie hyung?" Jimin asks when he notices the two missing.

"They're in a company meeting deciding on what we're gonna do about our schedule. I stayed behind to watch these two." Yoongi motions towards Taehyung and Jungkook.

"I'm a grown man now Hyung, I don't need a babysitter." Jungkook argues. "He just wanted to stay with you too because he's worried."

Yoongi hides his face to hide his blushing cheeks, feeling embarrassed. "Everyone's worried.." I'm more worried on your mental state after this.. you've been crying again..

"How are you feeling, Jiminie?" Taehyung asks, saving Yoongi from his embarrassment.

"I'll be okay.. I'm actually set to go home later today. There's not much the hospital can do for me here.." Jimin tells him. I'm glad I don't have to stay overnight. I don't want to sleep in an unfamiliar place.. i don't even want to sleep alone tonight..

"Are you sure it's not too early?" Jungkook asks with concern in his big doe eyes.

"Yeah, all they can do is give me medicine for the pain, and I can take that at home. Someone else needs this bed more than I do." Jimin fakes a smile. "Don't worry. I'll be fine with some rest."

All three boys could tell Jimin's smile wasn't genuine, but nobody said a word about it to Jimin, just silently agreed to keep a close eye on him.

"Steady, steady.." Jungkook slowly moves with Taehyung to put Jimin in his bed.

"I'm being steady." Taehyung huffs, getting Jimin laying down on the bed. "We need pillows to prop his ankle now!"

"I don't have any extra pillows. You and Jinnie-hyung have the most.." Jungkook points out.

"It's only a little sprained, I'll be okay." Jimin tries to get them to stop fretting over him.

"Nonsense. You can use some of mine." Taehyung rushes to his room, bringing all his pillows.

"Taehyungie what will you sleep with if you bring all your pillows in here?" Jimin gives a small chuckle seeing Taehyung dropping the pillows, wincing from his sore ribcage. "Ah.. that hurts.."

"Sorry Jiminah.." Taehyung uses two pillows to get Jimin's ankle elevated, then another one underneath Jimin's head. "Does that help? You can hold this pillow to your chest." He puts it in Jimins

"It's okay.. don't worry about it. That actually feels better. Thank you, Tae.." Jimin yawns with squeak at the end. "Mn.."

"You should try to get some rest, Jiminie-hyung. It'll help you heal faster." Jungkook frowns when he sees Jimin's eyes close tightly in pain.

"Jungkookie, remember Jin is making dinner. He can't sleep just yet.. he hasn't eaten.." Taehyung reminds him.

Jimin's stomach churned at the idea of food, wrapping his arm around it.. He could only manage to eat a few bites of food at the hospital before he felt sick to his stomach, telling the others he just didn't like it. I can't use that excuse again..

"What's wrong, Jiminie?" Taehyung asks, eyes round with concern. "Are you that hungry? I could ask seokjinnie-hyung to get you a snack."

"No,I'm okay.. just some pain from the brusing.." Jimin felt the twinge of guilt worsen his pain. He hated hiding things from his members, but he didn't want them worrying more than they already were.

"My poor Minnie.. I'll get you a heat compress." Taehyung leaves the room, coming back with a few ice packs and the heat compress. "Here, one for your ankle so the swelling can go down, one for your eyes to help with the puffy and heat to help with your tummy."

Jungkook takes one of the ice packs from Taehyung, placing it on Jimin's swollen ankle. "I'll help too."

"Thanks, Koo." Taehyung smiles, putting the heat on Jimin's abdomen, watching him visibly relax.

Jungkook's stomach, growls making him blush in embarrassment.

"I think someone else needs a before dinner snack.." Taehyung giggles. "Go on, I'll stay with him. I bet you can get a snack out of hyung. You hardly had anything to eat either, just that bag of vending machine cookies, and you gave half of them away."

"You should go. I'm fine. Eat." Jimin tried to keep his voice steady. Everyone must've been too worried to eat because of me. I am just making things harder on everyone..

Jungkook leaves the room, Taehyung taking a seat on the bed next to Jimin, wearing a serious look on his face.

"Jimin, you aren't a burden, so stop thinking you are." Taehyung says, grabbing Jimin's good hand.

"Taetae.. I didn't say anything like that.." Jimin couldn't look Taehyung in the eyes, afraid that those large puppy dog eyes would see right through his mask.

"You don't have to.. that's the same look that Hyungie gives when he feels like he's not learning the routine quick enough or when he can't sing because he's sick. You don't need to pretend in front of me, Jiminie, and I don't want you to." Taehyung speaks slowly, gathering his thoughts together. "Scream, cry... do something. Just please stop giving everyone that fake smile.. it's hurting my heart.."

Jimin felt the tears swelling up again, burying his face in Taehyung's shoulder. "I wa..wa..waas so sc..sc..scared, Tae.. I cou..couldn't do any..anything..bu..but h..hi..his words hurt ev..even more.."

Taehyung strokes Jimin's hair. "It's all over now, Jiminie.. We won't let him touch you. We got extra security.." his mind burned with curiosity to know what this man said that upset his soulmate so much, but he didn't dare ask. Not when Jimin was already suffering enough. He didn't want to bring up those bad memories.

"T..T..Taehyun...m..ma..maybe you guy..guys sh..should pe..perfo..form withou..without me.." Jimin whispers.

"We might have to for a short while, until you recover more, but you'll be able to sit and perform once your bruises on your ribs and..."

"N..no..not..not ju..just f..for a..a lit..little wh..while..I mea..mean..y..you can b..be a..a..lead..w..with j..Jungk..kookie ins..stead of..me.." Jimin mumbles into Taehyung’s shoulder, the man's words ringing in his head again.

"What? No. No. No, Jiminie. It's seven or nothing. Don't let him mess with your head. You're so important.. we wouldn't be BTS without you.." Taehyung forces Jimin to look up at him, tears already streaming. "Don't say that..okay...?"

"Taehyungie.." Jimin wipes the tears from Taehyung's cheek. "I..I'm sorry.. Don't cry.."

Jimin felt awful, his heart tightening. How could he tell Taehyung that? Taehyung was the one who stuck up for him as rookies, saying he wanted me to debut with him..

"Everyone will say the same.. You're a part of our team. You'll always be wanted, okay?" Taehyung hugs Jimin lightly.

"Dinner is fini- What happened?" Jin rushes to the bed when he saw the two puffy eyed 95liners.

"I was just..telling Taehyungie about what happened to get it off my chest.." Jimin wipes his eyes, hoping he wouldn't see through his lie.

"Jiminie is also worried about all the time he has to take off to recover.. he's feeling guilty." Taehyung hides the part about Jimin thinking about quitting.

"Jiminie, don't you worry about that. We'll work around it. You need to just focus on healing." Jin places a tray with Kimchi Jjigae in front of him. "Even if we need to carry you around everywhere we go."

"Okay.." Jimin tries to pick up the chopsticks, but his three tapped fingers made it impossible to pick anything up.

"Here, let Hyung do it." Jin takes the chopsticks from him, holding a bite out to Jimin.

You'd have more parts if it weren't for me though.. your high notes are much better than mine..

Jimin felt sick with guilt as he forced himself to take the bite, knowing if he didn't eat, he'd only worry everyone.

"Are you okay, Jiminie? You look pale.." Jin reaches to touch Jimin's forehead, feeling him burning with fever. "Oh my baby, you're getting sick.."

"Sick...? No.. no, I can't be getting sick.." Jimin speaks softly. "I'm just dehydrated from crying so much." Jimin opens his mouth for another bite.

"If you think you can...alright.." Jin feeds the injured vocalist as Taehyung rushes to get water. Jimin eats about half of it before he feels uncomfortably full, Jin cutting him off. "Don't force yourself baby, I don't want you getting sick."

"Here, wash it down with some water." Taehyung opens the bottle, tipping it by Jimin's lips, him taking eager swallows. "Not too fast, Jiminie.."

"Did you eat?" J-hopes voice came from the doorway with Jungkook and Namjoon right behind him, clearly wondering the same thing.

"Yeah, I ate a little.. I'm just really tired, so I'm not that hungry.." Jimin knew that wasn't the only reason, but it wasn't a full lie.

"Then let's go so you can sleep." Jin kisses Jimin on the forehead. "Rest up kiddo." He rounds up the worried members.

"But I want to stay with him.." Taehyung argues. "Please Hyung? I'll leave when I'm tired.. I promise."

Jin looks at Jimin, whose eyes set on Taehyung with relief across his face. He probably wants someone to stay with him until he falls asleep..

"Alright, alright. You'll leave as soon as you're tired, but you need to sleep at a reasonable time for practice tomorrow."

Taehyung pouts. "What? We're going back to work already?"

"I know it sucks Tete, but we can't push back the award show like if it was one of our concerts. Staff will stay here with Jimin tomorrow. Two people have already volunteered." Namjoon gives him a sympathic look, wishing he could just call off work for a bit to stay with Jimin, but his request was denied.

"Okay.." Taehyung sighs. "I'll leave by midnight." He gets comfortable next to Jimin, pressing his side against Jimin. "I'll at least keep you company for now, Minnie. You try to rest, okay?"

Jimin nods, feeling comfort by Taehyung’s warmth exhaustion, hitting him hard.

"Goodnight, Jimin. I love you.." Taehyung whispers, stroking his hair until his breathing becomes slow.

"Lo..ve...you.." Jimin murmurs out slowly, already in a deep sleep.

(Oo, this is getting really long. If you want a part two, I'll continue it)

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.75)

(Sneak Peek)(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Getting you home and into the nest proves to be a bit more of a challenge.

Tags: forced caretaking, feral omega's, m/c acts a little violent at the beginning, biting, blood, brief injury, kinda inspection kink if you squint, pre-heat, nudity, cramps, scenting, nesting, mindless fluff, hurt/comfort, omega/omega, possessive behavior, omegaspace, yoongi has slight self-esteem issues, manhandling,

W/c: 8.6k+

A/n: i feel guilty because i had to snip this chapter in half because there was simply too much stuff going on in my life at the moment. on the bright side i will try to get the second part out in one week, and i will also be very drunk at a engagement party when this is posted <3 gotta love that for me. in all honesty although it says 5pm...it will probably be posted a little earlier in the day so...be aware!

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

"I don't think her fingers are broken, fuck- do you think Jin would let me take her to the hospital?"

"You just got home Joonie-" Tae whines while Jimin shakes his head, handing over the gauze for Namjoon to wrap it.

"I know but-"

Instead of wiggling your fingers, you flick water in Namjoon's direction. It hits his face with an audible plop. The pack alpha flinches.

The rest of them just stare at you.

Namjoon wipes the water off of his face, slow and intentionally with every movement of his body. No one breathes and no one moves. You sense Namjoon's composure is about to slip. Good- you really want it too.

"See! Pups fine!” You flick water at Namjoon again. Grinning, dopy and so high on heat hormones that you think it is funny how his jaw rolls. Your hand isn't broken even if your knuckles are a little scraped up. Really- you'll be fine. They don't need to act like you're dying.

You try to do it again but Jimin grabs both of your wrists, holding you still. "That is the opposite of helpful." Tae snaps.

"Don't yell at me. I'm too tiny." You say, your voice that. Small.

Namjoon whips his hands on a kitchen cloth slowly. Staring you down without saying anything.

Yoongi runs his teeth over the back of your throat, hard enough that you feel it. He's not sure why you need the release of violence before your heat begins, but you do. Whatever instinct is currently making you act like a brat needs to come out one way or another.

Yoongi would rather it be now than when you're actually in heat.

Jimin and Yoongi keep you in one place as you try to lunge for Namjoon. You barely even jerk in their firm hold. Strong as they are. every one of them has more than half a foot on you, you'd never stand a chance really. Jimin holds you effortlessly- without even breaking a sweat. muscles and veins in his arms hardly flexing.

You want to bite him, teeth and gums aching for it. To feel the give of your alpha's under your teeth, under your claws. To bite and nip and see what he's made of.

It's like Namjoon can see the ache rocking through you, the violence of it in the honey tremble of your body. He cups your face so tenderly, and you almost want to hiss at him. Lip lifting in a soundless snarl. His voice is a gentle hush, a tone you are intimately familiar with.

it's the same tone of voice that has preceded every punishment and scolding you've ever received from the pack alpha. Every time he's ever coaxed you to take his knot (icky) or an orgasm (less icky). As he drags you close and speaks to you. Soft but firm. Gentle but unyielding.

"You are allowed to be needy, you are allowed to be small. You are allowed to need everything and anything and I will personally make sure that each one of those needs are fulfilled."

You snap your teeth at him, trying to bite his hand. He only just gets away. Your teeth brushing his knuckles playfully. You giggle, behind you, Yoongi snorts.

Instantly the pack hold your face, your jaw, not jimin but your mate and tae. Holding your mouth open. Fingers digging into your lower lip. Making your lips push out. You push at them but they hold you still. saliva pooling around a whine as you try to gnash your teeth again but are unsuccessful.

"Cute drooly puppy, so messy. what are we to do with you?" Tae's voice is a lethal purr.

You like it. You like feeling your alpha's strength, your mate's strength. Where they begin and you end. You want to test it want to make sure they can protect you.

For what? You can't say. You think it might have something to do with the terrible sensitivity between your thighs, the bleeding hot need slowly gripping you, a distant storm rumbling. But you're not sure.

"You need to make sure we're capable of protecting you through your heat? is that it pup?"

You whine, needy around Namjoon's fingers.

Tae keeps your mouth open and Namjoon taps his finger against your tongue, your lips, your teeth. Does he like how sharp they are? They feel awfully sharp in your mouth. Good omega, see? You want to tell him. Strong like you. Not a pup.

You don't whine and recoil the way an alpha would at being poked and prodded at. You fight one moment then go pliant the next. Letting him look, letting him touch and pinch your tongue between his fingers, loling it out and making it cute. Tears building at the corner of your eyes by how frustrated you feel, how much you want.

Tae grips your jaw, turning you this way and that, jimin's claws tangle with yours. yoongi digs his teeth into your scent gland, going sweeter and sweeter and sweeter with every moment.

Tae coo's and you hiss at her- or try too. Namjoon's finger pressing against your tongue stops you from doing anything but whine. Saliva pooling to the point where it almost drips, a little gross, but Namjoon's smile is darker, wickeder.

Namjoon strokes your tongue once, twice, and then a third time. Near your gag reflex but just barely. If you want to act like a disobedient pup, he's going to make you work for it.

You are the lowest ranking packmate, you can't expect your anger to be anything remarkable. they all coo at you- at your innocent imitation of your alpha's behavior.

Jimin smiles. agreeing, flashing his teeth at you that actually are sharp- actually could bite. you like them, like him. jimin holds you so well- so firmly you feel it in the small bones of your wrists. any other time you'd say it was uncomfortable, but it makes you leak slick, just a little. you know they can smell it.

"Cute little omega, acting like an alpha." Namjoon's thigh is between your legs, and you try and grind down on it. He stops you, holding your hips firm. You can't move more than a millimeter without one of them stopping you.

"No, none of that pup. If you want it you'll ask nicely, and you'll ask Jinnie first. I know you can be good."

But you don't want to be good, you want to fight.

~-~

Coming Saturday September 28th at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments below)

[mrspark7777777]

Erm the caption?

https://x.com/coldbeverages12/status/1820154631508382070

Romance has 2 meanings

And from Koreans

For me what fascinates me is how people have attacked BH and news articles for using this word. To the extent where some of these sites took down their articles. To the point where Koreans are having to try and calm people down by explaining that its not what people think.

Its extremely sad how bold people have gotten when it comes to attacking Jikook and their bond. How normalised this shit is. If this was Namkook or even Minimoni, people would be loving this and having the time of their lives.

I have never been happier to hear the 2 episodes that people have watched so far have been over 50 minutes long. Jikook are gonna be shoved in people's throats whether they like it or not and I will love every second of watching them cry..

3 days to go. 3 days to go

[wishesunderthestars]

Eunoia // Ch. 25

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness isn’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 9.2k+

Warnings: past abuse, past sexual abuse, cursing, past violence, mentions of blood, panic attacks

Masterlist

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Trained in waking up early and pulling all-nighters because of filming, you were used to witnessing the sun rise. Usually, you didn’t pay it much attention. The sun rose every day and you had other more important things to do than watch it go through the same motions. You were rushing to leave, making coffee and answering texts on your phone or you were too tired to do anything other than go straight to bed and close the blinds.

You had forgotten how beautiful it was, how the quiet of the early morning glowed in soft orange. Only you and Seokjin were awake, snuggled up on the large white couch on the balcony on the main floor. Your feet were laying on his lap and his arm was wrapped around your waist.

You had woken up early, fading images of the red ballroom and empty eyes haunted your sleep as much as you tried to bury them during the day. Thankfully, Jimin hadn’t been there when you had woken up, drenched in sweat and grasping wildly at the sheets to remind yourself that you were at the Castle. That it had been more than a week since you had been in that ballroom.

It would go away. It had to. It was over. Nothing happened to you. You would get over it.

 You got up, stretched your sore muscles from all the walking the previous day and put on some music to take your mind off the long green dress and paddle numbers, and started your day. No one else was supposed to be awake so early in the morning but when you went to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee, Seokjin was already there, mixing pancake batter with a large wooden spoon. 

Putting your arms around him, you had watched him work until he sent you away, claiming that you were distracting him. It wasn’t your fault that his neck looked in desperate need of kissing and that your mouth had trailed downwards subconsciously. Since you weren’t wanted in the kitchen, you went outside to the balcony to savor the sharp air before the sun appeared on the horizon.

Seokjin joined you soon with two cups of coffee. “It feels like a mug of hot coffee would be more appropriate, but the weather’s too hot,” you had joked.

He had made your favorite iced coffee in the way too-expensive coffee machine you had purchased when you first got the house. Another one of your impulsive purchases. But it was worth it. It made some of the best coffee you had ever tasted. The only coffee above that was made by a small coffee shop nestled in a quiet alleyway in Paris. The perfect amount of milk and sugar, not too sweet and not too bitter. 

You were both a little tired from your little trip to the lake. A sweet kind of pull in your chest, not easily noticeable. You had returned as the sky grew darker and had ordered takeout for dinner, which you enjoyed spread around the garden. Surprisingly, almost everything in the baskets had been devoured during your time at the lake. Alice had been reluctant to leave but you had promised her that she was welcome to visit you again soon. She had hugged each of you tightly—even Yoongi, who didn’t seem to mind at all—and promised that she would be back to play more.

“She’s a little hurricane,” Seokjin said. He was glowing with the sunrise stroking his face. “She reminds me of you a little. Was that what you were like when you were little?”

“I was never that cute,” you joked. Your aunt would argue but while Alice was a hurricane, sweeping up everyone in her way and winning them over, you had been a nightmare, difficult to handle, not listening to anyone, and independent to a fault. “Or that social. I would like to believe that I contributed a little to the shaping of her personality but honestly, her parents are both amazing. They raised her really well and she was already incredible to begin with. She will become a much better person than me.”

He looked down at your legs resting on his lap. “That will be hard. You are probably the best person I know.” He shrugged as if what he said didn’t matter, as if it didn’t make flowers bloom in your chest.

You caressed his cheek, prompting him to look at you. “That might be a little worrying but thank you. You are one of the best people I know too. Shhhh,” you quieted down his protests. “If you can say that about me, I can say that about you.”

“I haven’t done anything special. Nothing like you. You-”

“Stop that.” You laid two fingers on his lips and he obediently stilled them under your touch. “First, you don’t have to do anything special. Who defines special either way? Some of the kindest, most loyal, amazing people I know show these qualities in small ways, that doesn’t make them any less special. Second, who says you didn’t do anything special? Who was there for Jungkook when he distanced himself from everyone else? Who cooks for us every day and takes care of us? Who is always trying to cheer us up when someone is feeling down? Who-?”

“Enough, enough,” he interrupted you, shaking his head. His human ear and cheeks were stark red at all the praise. “I know I’m amazing, that’s enough.”

You laughed and captured his lips in a kiss. Warmth, more comforting than what the sun could provide, filled your insides as you tangled your fingers in his soft hair. He opened his lips for you and you slowly explored the inside of his mouth. You had always enjoyed kissing but nothing compared to the kisses you had shared with your hybrids the past few months.

Lazy mornings were rare for you. There was always one reason or another to be running around the house in a hurry to leave or lock yourself in your office. You were hostage to an endless need to always be productive. That’s what mornings were for. Maybe you had been completely wrong because this one was one of the best mornings you had ever experienced.

Seokjin heard the footsteps on the stairs before you did, turning his head around to watch Jungkook, Jimin, and Namjoon climb up. You called for them and Jungkook and Jimin ran to you, squeezing themselves between you. Namjoon followed laughing and sat down next to Seokjin, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung appeared soon and Seokjin left to go plate the breakfast and bring it to the balcony. You didn’t eat on the balcony often, mostly because of the low table that made it a little uncomfortable, but no one wanted to move. Jungkook and Namjoon went with Seokjin inside to help but when you moved to do the same, Jimin wrapped his arms around your waist tightly and wouldn’t let you go.

“No, you are staying with me!” he exclaimed and proceeded to bury his face in your belly, purring.

Hoseok looked at you in amusement and you shrugged your shoulders, used to Jimin’s antics by now. The three of them took one of the other two couches while the five of you remained squeezed in one. Yoongi looked adorably rumpled from sleep, messy hair and heavy eyes, the stark opposite of Hoseok, who was wide awake and energetic as usual. Taehyung wasn’t the statue he was the first few days but he remained perfectly kept and quiet.

You filled your plate with three pancakes and your favorite toppings and dug in. The conversation returned to your trip to the lake.

“When can we go again?” Jungkook asked, chewing his pancakes with passion.

You cut another piece of your pancakes. “You can go whenever you want, it isn’t that far from the house.”

He pouted. “I meant all of us together.”

“That’s… a little harder,” you said. “I’m back at work next week and I have a full schedule. You can go together though. John and Alice could join you even if I’m not there.”

Jungkook’s bottom lip stuck out even further. “It isn’t the same without you.”

“If there is a day I finish work early, I might join you.” You could barely drag your feet back home most days after work and the trek to the lake would feel like hell, but you would try for them.

Namjoon seemed to know exactly what you were thinking. “You are too tired after work for that. After working for so many hours we can’t expect you to trek down to the lake. You come back after the sun has set or just as it’s setting, it would be exhausting for you to walk for half an hour down to the lake in the dark and then in an hour or so walk back again.”

You wanted to protest but you knew he was right. Although your work wasn’t physically demanding, you spent long hours on your feet, instructing the actors and the crew and checking in with different departments. By the time you were home even dragging your feet to the garden for dinner was a struggle.

You reached for Jungkook’s hand, rubbing your thumb in circles to soothe him. “We’ll figure something out, yeah? If I take a day off–When I take a day off,” you corrected yourself, “we can do something fun. We could go to the lake or we could do something else. Los Angeles is full of places to visit and activities to try.”

Jungkook seemed to think about it for a few seconds before perking up and asking if you could visit a gallery he had seen on the internet. You were quick to agree as Jimin joined as well, asking you about all the places he wanted to visit. You had told them before that they were free to go out without you anywhere they liked, you had printed their papers just in case so they could have them in case the Hybrid Services asked any questions, but they had yet to step further than the Castle grounds and the forest alone. John could also accompany them but no one had taken you up to your offer.

As you were finishing breakfast your phone started ringing. One of the producers of Six of Crows was calling.

“Sorry, I have to take this one,” you said, answering the call.

You ended up having to go down to your office to look up some files on your computer. As the premiere date approached, you would be getting more calls like this. Post-production was finished by now and the movie was nearly ready to be shown on the big screen but there were still a few tiny details that needed fine-tuning.

Ending the call, you checked your emails since you were already in front of your computer. You would probably go to the studios later in the day to speak with a few members of your team on the Raven Cycle project. You wouldn’t stay long but it meant that you had to schedule your day around it. Your break hadn’t ended yet you were already overwhelmed with work. Your to-do list stretched on and on, seemingly endless.

Your back and neck were getting stiff because of all the sitting and lounging around. You should start doing some exercises again. During your break, you had only been to the gym once and it was only two floors down. You should get back into the habit but you were great at finding excuses not to go. You were too busy, too tired, too preoccupied.

There was a knock on the door. You looked at the time at the bottom right corner of your computer screen and realized it was four hours later.

“Come in,” you called. You rolled your neck and heard the little pops. You desperately needed some exercise. And a massage. And an improved posture probably.

Hoseok opened the door with his elbow as he carried a tray inside your office. “I come bearing gifts,” he said with a wide heart-shaped smile. It was like the room instantly brightened. If the sun was personified, it would be Hoseok.

“What have you brought me?” you asked, making space on your desk for the tray. You had to look through some of your old files and they covered most of the surface. You stacked them into piles quickly, to be organized properly at a later time.

“Jin made fruit salad and we have some leftover muffins from yesterday. Jungkook made the juice, it’s banana and cherry!”

The fruit salad was a mix of mango, strawberries, watermelon, blackberries, peaches, and berries. A vanilla muffin was next to it and a tall glass of juice. “Everything looks delicious. Thank you.”

You moved to grab the fork and winced when you pulled on your stiff muscles. Hoseok’s smile faded. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry,” you were quick to say. “I’ve just been sitting in this chair a lot these past few days and my back is complaining. Really, that’s on me.”

“I…” He hesitated for a moment. “I could give you a massage if you’d like. I’m not a professional but I… I used to give massages to my past owner often. He was an idol so he danced and performed a lot and I had learned from masseurs how to do it. I could do that for you if you liked.”

“You don’t have to. It’s just a stiff back, it’ll go away when I stop sitting all day.”

A massage sounded like heaven at that moment but you could do without it. Giving massages could be tiring and Hoseok didn’t have to do that just because you had bad posture and had stopped going regularly to the gym. If you really needed it, you could pay a masseur to come to your house. It seemed silly so you never did, but you could.

“I want to,” he said eagerly, his tail standing at attention. “I can make you feel better, I promise. If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

You searched his face for any sign that he didn’t actually want to do it but you found nothing. “Okay, then. I would love a massage right now.”

“Yay! I will do my best,” Hoseok promised. “Let’s attack those muscle knots! Gently of course.” You giggled as he came to stand behind you. He pretended to crack his fingers before settling them on your shoulders. You were wearing a shirt with spaghetti straps and his hands were warm on your bare skin, which buzzed in anticipation. “Lean forward a little. Yeah, that’s perfect.”

He dug his fingers on either side of your neck and you had to bite your lip to stop a very embarrassing sound from slipping out. It sent a current through your whole body like you went numb to everything except the feeling of his hands on you. He kneaded your muscles, progressively adding more pressure. You closed your eyes, your body relaxing, losing some of the tension.

“That feels good,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

“I told you.” You could hear the satisfied smile on his face even though you kept your eyes closed.

One by one, your strings unraveled and your body felt lighter, as if you could float away if he pulled his hands away. He worked on the knots on the back of your neck and around it before he moved on to your shoulders and shoulder blades. You had received massages before–you had visited spas with friends on several occasions–but this felt different. You forgot about work and all the things you had to do, all the million little things that were hanging over your head, and for a moment you let yourself relax.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

The forest was still, bracketed by the almost black of the night. There were no lights that Yoongi could see coming from inside, even though you said there were multiple holiday homes around the lake. The Castle stood alone, like a real castle guarding the forest.

Hoseok was humming along to a pop song that was playing on his phone, it was at a low volume so his humming was almost as loud as the music. It was late into the night, everyone in the house having already retreated to their rooms. Yoongi didn’t care much about the song, it was generic at best. The vocals weren’t great and the beat was the same beat that every song used this summer with a little tweaking. But Hoseok liked it so he didn’t say anything.

The fox hybrid was sprawled on his bed, his eyes half closed as he moved his head to the music. His silk nightshirt had ridden up to expose a sliver of smooth tanned skin and Yoongi’s eyes kept being drawn to it.

“Anything interesting out there?” Hoseok asked. Yoongi shrugged. “You have been standing there for half an hour. Don’t look at me like that, you have.”

He raised his eyebrows, doubting that it had been that long, but moved away from the balcony door, sitting down on his bed. “It’s the same every night.”

“And you still look every night.” Hoseok turned off the music and stretched. His shirt rode up higher.

Yoongi looked down at his hands. “It’s calming. There is something about the trees and the lake, being away from the city. It’s quiet.”

His ears picked up the soft shuffling before a weight dipped into the bed next to him. “It’s nice, isn’t it? Has it really been only five months since we’ve been here? Less than that? I can’t imagine living in the city again, too much noise.”

Yoongi had lived his whole life in cities, he was used to their noise and the way it never went away. The sound of cars and motorbikes, people talking and shouting. It was never quiet. Not the way it was out here.

He wanted to tell Hoseok that he would never have to live in the city again but he couldn’t. On one hand, your job could lead you anywhere and Yoongi had a feeling that wherever you went, they would follow you, just like Virginia. On the other hand, although some part of him insisted that this was permanent, that this life they had built here wouldn’t be taken from them, he knew that the world wasn’t so kind. Sometimes, he stayed up at night thinking about it while Hoseok dreamed. He gazed at the forest to remind himself that they were still here, in this small paradise on earth, and then contemplated all the ways this could end. His mind wasn’t kind to him on those nights.

“Virginia was like this too,” Hoseok continued. “I miss it a little. The countryside was pretty and the house too. Almost like a fairytale. Do you think we’ll go back again?”

Hoseok’s hand was fidgeting on his thigh and Yoongi grabbed it to still it. “Maybe. She will have to film another season after this one. If this show is as successful as they say, there will be a few more seasons to come. They built sets and everything there.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” Hoseok scooted closer to him and laid his head on his shoulder, their hands intertwined. “Do you think she will rent the same house? I want to go back there. It felt like home.”

Yoongi refrained from telling him that wherever he was, it felt like home. It was something someone more expressive than Yoongi would say, instead he said, “We can ask her. I don’t think she’ll mind. If it isn’t booked at the time, we could stay there again.”

“I’ll recruit Jiminie, she can’t say no to him,” he said, nuzzling closer to Yoongi’s neck, almost scenting him.

“She can’t say no to any of you.”

Hoseok hummed, his breath warming Yoongi’s skin and the scent of cinnamon tickling his lungs. “She wouldn’t say no to you either. If you ever asked her for anything.”

Yoongi didn’t know what to think about that. If he believed it. Yoongi had been trying to do better, trying to be a better person than he had been at the beginning. He would hate himself if he ever put you through what he had before. He would be making it up to you for his whole life. He wasn’t the same as the other hybrids, the same courtesy shouldn’t be extended to him.

Hoseok’s lips brushed his neck, light as a feather, and Yoongi shivered at the touch. Scenting each other wasn’t something new, they had been doing that since they escaped the ring. Before that, they would brush their wrists together through the bars of their cages, longing for the small comfort of each other’s scent. After Yoongi had disappeared, Hoseok had been touching and scenting him more as if he was afraid that he would slip through his fingers.

Some nights, Hoseok would crawl into his bed in the middle of the night and cling on to him. “Stay,” Hoseok would say. He didn’t tell him what his nightmares were about, he didn’t have to.

Yoongi vowed to himself to never leave him again. He would bite, scratch, and kick his way to him if he ever had to.

He had a lot to regret about that first month. He hadn’t only hurt you, he had hurt everyone else too. His own nightmares persisted, leaving him clutching the sheets, with his back to Hoseok, staying deadly still so he wouldn’t wake him up. So no one would know that those days still haunted him even though he wasn’t the one who had suffered.

In some of his dreams, the hybrid ring got to him before you did and punished him for escaping, before stabbing an injection in his neck and hauling him to the ring for one last fight. In others, it was Hoseok that they took and those were worse. They found him when he was looking for him and Yoongi could do nothing to stop them, voiceless with his feet rooted to the floor.

In some rare ones, he never made it out of the house. Namjoon threw him against the wall and held him there, looking more like a vengeful god than the real Namjoon. His sharp teeth gleamed viciously as he sunk them into Yoongi’s neck, breaking the skin and ripping out everything that was keeping him alive.

Hoseok pulled back, his eyes searching Yoongi’s face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Thinking.” Of course, Hoseok would notice his thoughts spiraling. Yoongi had mastered hiding all emotions from his face but Hoseok could see right through any masks he crafted.

“You looked a little lost there for a moment,” he said, drawing closer to him again. “You can talk to me, you know.” He spoke almost jokingly but he couldn’t hide the tendrils of hurt in his voice. “I know you like to keep some things to yourself… But I’m here for you. I would never judge you, I swear.”

Yoongi was a coward. After his talk with Jimin, he had been planning to tell him everything but he kept putting it off. It was never the right moment, it could wait.

“I know,” Yoongi said quietly, squeezing Hoseok’s hand. “I want to tell you. I think you deserve that after everything.”

Hoseok frowned. “It isn’t about what I deserve. I just want to know so I can help. So I can understand you better. Nothing you say can ever change the way I see you. Nothing. You were there for me when I thought my life was over, that everything was over. You saved me, Yoongi. I would have died in there if it hadn’t been for you. I would trust you with my life. But sometimes, when you don’t tell me things—important things—it makes me feel like you don’t trust me at all.”

Yoongi’s heart gave a terrible bang. “That isn’t true. I trust you. I trust you more than anyone. I trust you more than I trust myself. It’s just… It’s hard to tell you when I want to forget.”

“I understand,” Hoseok said, his gaze falling on their joined hands on Yoongi’s lap. “But I don’t think you can forget either way.”

“You’re right, I can’t. And I never will.” It was too big, too cruel. For worse or for better, it had changed who he was to his core. He was who he was because of what had happened to him and Jimin. He had met both Jimin and Hoseok because of that monster. “But I want you to know now.”

So he told him everything. He detached himself from his words and numbed his feelings, because he was afraid that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He started from the beginning, from his first owner to the terrible end. He couldn’t look at him as he spoke, focusing on their connected hands. Hoseok’s scent soured until Yoongi could barely recognize it. But he had to power on.

When he was finished, Hoseok shot up, wrapping his arms around him impossibly hard and buried his face in Yoongi’s neck. There was wetness brushing against his throat and Yoongi only hugged him tighter.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok’s voice was breaking and Yoongi hated that he was the cause for it, even though it was better this way. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” He brought his wrist to Hoseok’s neck, gently scenting him. They both needed it. “You saved me too. You saved me, Hobi.”

And sleep claimed them like that, wrapped up in each other with dried tears on their cheeks.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

Taehyung lay still in his bed, not making a sound. Phantom pains spread over his body, squeezing and squeezing until nothing was left of him. His head was loud but the sounds were muffled as if he was submerged underwater.

The room was illuminated by the soft light from the lamp next to his bed. He left it on every night. It was the same pattern, his nightmares not allowing him to rest more than a few hours at a time. There were new ones now. Ones of the red ballroom, the people in the chairs turning into monsters and dragging their claws all over his skin. You stood among them in your green dress, watching as it happened, your face empty.

Taehyung opened his eyes. He could see the forest from his room. He had never been to a forest before coming to the Castle, had never even seen one. It was majestic, the dark greens and browns, the way the branches reached towards the sky. Upwards and upwards.

He closed his eyes again. His tears had long dried when sleep swept him away again.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

Your heartbeat rattled your chest as if being chased by an invisible force with no escape. You swallowed down the bitterness in your mouth and willed the sharp images of your nightmare away. They were so clear, the red curtains and the shiny floors. The taste of the expensive champagne and the hors d’ oeuvre on your tongue. Long dresses swayed at your vision's edge, silk, velvet, and satin. Steady hands held guns aimed at you, they went off with a terrible scream. You woke up.

You were awake. You were in your room in the Castle. You were safe.

You tried to calm down your erratic breathing. Jimin was sleeping next to you and the last thing you wanted was to wake him up in the middle of the night and worry him. Clenching your teeth, you silently counted each breath. Were your hands shaking? They felt like they were shaking.

One, two, three.

Slower. Try slower.

Did your hands stop shaking? You gripped the fabric of your nightgown.

One, two–

A sleepy voice calling your name disturbed the murky waters of your mind. “Are you okay?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. It was over. You were in Los Angeles. You were fine. Nothing had happened to you, no one had questioned you. You had gotten out. You were fine.

“Did I wake you up?” you asked. Your voice sounded weak even to your ears.

You heard the sheets rustle as Jimin moved closer. “Can I hug you?”

In the darkness of the room, you couldn’t see him well, only the shape of his body. “You don’t have to ask.”

“You are shaking.”

Were you? So it wasn’t just your hands. Another deep breath. Force your muscles to relax like the pieces of a machine.

“I am okay now, don’t worry. Come here.” You opened your arms and Jimin crawled into them, hugging your waist and laying his head on your collarbones. “Go back to sleep, kitten.”

Jimin shook his head. “Not if you don’t. What happened?”

“Just a bad dream, it was nothing.” The lies tasted bitter on your tongue. Were they lies though? It should be nothing, it shouldn’t be haunting you like that. Nothing had happened to you, you reminded yourself as if you repeated it enough times maybe the nightmares would go away. “I just need a few minutes to forget it.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Maybe that could be better than forgetting,” Jimin said.

But forgetting was the goal. Or at least getting rid of the nightmares that shouldn’t still be happening. It was over and you were okay. You were okay. There was no reason to worry Jimin, not when you weren’t the one who had suffered. You got dressed up, drank some champagne and made small talk. It wasn’t the end of the world.

“You don’t have to worry about this, it’ll go away on its own.” You run a hand up his back to comfort him. “My brain is just playing tricks on me.”

Jimin’s hand sought out your own and intertwined your fingers. He was quiet for a few moments before speaking, “Is this about the auction?”

You stilled. He couldn’t have known. You hadn’t mentioned it to anyone. And what right did you have to complain about it? You composed yourself. “How did you guess?”

“You have been… different since you came back. You have been lost in your head. I know you are tired and it’s hard with Taehyung now but you can talk to us if you want to. It must have been really scary.” He drew closer to you, gripping your hand tighter.

“I wasn’t alone. I had John there with me.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t scary,” he whispered. “We were scared for you. We thought– We trusted you but we were scared.”

Your fingers tangled in his hair and rubbed behind his cat ears which you knew would relax him. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay. Taehyung is here now.”

Regardless of how many nightmares you had and the tightening in your chest whenever you saw the color of blood. Regardless of the constant fear of being discovered that would never go away. You could never regret what you had done. Not for a moment. Just thinking of Taehyung in that man’s hands evaporated any doubts you had about your decision.

Jimin nosed softly at your collarbones. “We love you. It’s okay to be scared, you can share it with us. You can share it with me.”

“I’m not scared,” you said. It didn’t matter that it sounded like you were lying to yourself. “It’s over. It’s been more than a week since it happened. I’m the last person who should be having nightmares over it.”

“Why are you saying that? It must have been terrifying.”

You took a deep breath, the red bleeding into the darkness. “It was easy to blend in. It was like so many of the parties and galas I have attended. I was the guest of honor, no one suspected anything. I wasn’t the one–”

You cut yourself off before you uttered the words but both of you knew. Silence fell between you. You wished you could fall asleep again but sleep was so far away.

“Do you feel guilty?” he asked quietly.

“For what?” You were confused. Why would you feel guilty? You had done your best, probably more than anyone in their right mind would do.

Jimin gave a small shrug, bringing your joined hands to your chest. “You just sounded like it. Like you felt guilty for having nightmares about it. You don’t have to be. You are here and you are okay but– But you could have not been.” There was fear in his voice and it hurt.

You held him closer and squeezed his hand. You were there now and you wouldn’t be going anywhere. His breath warmed your bare skin. You weren’t alone anymore, you had seven people to think about when you made decisions. You had a home and you would fight to get back to it every time.

“Let’s go to sleep, kitten. We’ll dream better together.”

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

After your short break, your return to work was uneventful. A few more days would have been nice but time was moving fast and there were a lot of things to do. On your first day back, before you had left the house Jimin and Jungkook got teary-eyed saying goodbye to you. Going back to work was hard for you too after being used to staying at home with them, but you would fall into your usual routine soon enough.

Your work was a big part of who you were, returning to the studios was like returning home in a way. The cast and the crew greeted you warmly with hugs and pats on the back. Will handed you a pack of papers and you made your way together to the reading room. You would be doing a few read-throughs to get the actors familiar with the characters again and work through a few knots in the script.

It was the same way it had been, waking up at the crack of dawn and returning when the sun was descending in the sky. The hybrids clung to you in any way they could while you were home. At breakfast and dinner, there was always someone touching you, Jimin sitting on your lap or Namjoon holding your hand or Jungkook hugging you from behind. They missed you and you missed them too but there was little you could do.

In the quiet of the night when most of the hybrids had retired, you asked Hoseok how Taehyung was adjusting. The answer was always the same. Hopeful but disappointing as well—guilt ate at you for feeling disappointed when you knew Taehyung was doing his best.

The story of the Raven Boys unraveled during the days and the nights. Your copy of the script was overflowing with red ink, underlined lines, and writing in the margins. It was shaping up to become everything you had envisioned and more. And you were happy. But you also missed spending more than a few hours at the Castle.

You could invite them to join you for filming and spend a little more time with them. However, you had a one-track mind while you were working and you couldn’t provide the attention they deserved. Often, you got too lost in your work. You could feel it now, clouding your mind and blending the days into a string of numbered scenes and takes.

It was a blessing that one week into filming, you finished early, just a couple of hours after lunch, and instead of staying and obsessing over the smallest details like you were prone to doing, you packed your backpack and returned home. John drove you back with instructions to relax and not think about work until the next morning. You didn’t mind listening to him.

“I’m home,” you shouted after opening the door. Due to their sensitive hearing any hybrid on the top two floors would hear the door opening, you liked to let them know it was you so they wouldn’t worry. You had wanted to surprise them so you hadn’t texted that you were coming back.

Jimin and Hoseok were the first ones to rush to the living room. Jimin fell into your arms with practiced ease and buried his face in your neck.

“Surprise,” you said, ruffling his blond hair.

He purred in contentment. Hoseok also joined the hug, his fluffy tail wrapping around your legs.

“Are you staying?” Jimin asked, his eyes shining with hope.

“I am. We finished early today so I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

Jimin cheered and held onto your hand, following you into the kitchen where you poured yourself a glass of homemade lemonade from the fridge. A book and a few notebooks were spread over the kitchen island and you took a closer look at them. You recognized the textbook as one you had bought a few years ago during your first visit to Seoul for the press tour of one of your Oscar-winning films. You had read through the first few pages on the plane back to LA and when you had arrived you had placed it on the shelf that housed all your language-learning books and never picked it up again.

“Are you learning Korean?” you asked Jimin, scanning the awkward handwritten Korean letters in the pages of the notebook.

Flustered, Jimin didn’t look at you as he replied, “Hoseok is helping me. I thought I could communicate better with Taehyung if I knew a bit of Korean but it’s really hard.”

“He’s doing really well though,” Hoseok interjected with pride. “He is getting good at reading Hangul and he knows a few basic phrases too. He is learning very quickly.”

Jimin shrugged, his cheeks getting adorably rosy. “I have a great teacher.”

Hoseok cooed at the younger hybrid while you flipped through the pages of the textbook. You recognized your handwriting on the first few, you had written down a few questions you had so you could look them up later, which didn’t happen. Now, the answers were written underneath your questions in blue ink. The next pages were marked in both Jimin’s and Hoseok’s handwriting, there were notes in the margins and between lines and little doodles of flowers and butterflies.

Footsteps climbing up the stairs prompted you to let go of the notebook. Jungkook came running through the kitchen door and threw himself at you, nuzzling into your neck. You planted your feet on the ground and caught him just in time before you both went flying back.

“You’re back,” he whispered. He was bouncing on his feet, his excitement contagious.

“We finished early so I packed everything up and rushed back,” you said. “Has it been that long since I was back at a normal hour?”

Jungkook nodded resolutely and you couldn’t help but giggle. The truth was that it was the first time you were finishing early since filming had started again. The first week back was the busiest since you had to review everything, redraw most of the plans, check in with every department, and generally when you weren’t actively filming you spent them running around the studios like a headless chicken.

You should get a day off as soon as you could. For a workaholic, you missed being at home with them too much.

Namjoon and Seokjin were the next ones to appear at the kitchen door. Jungkook still hadn’t let go of you so they were content to leave twin kisses on your cheeks while teasing the bunny hybrid.

“Is Yoongi with Taehyung?” you asked, noting the absence of the two hybrids.

“They are in the garden,” Namjoon said, a fond smile playing on his lips. “Yoongi has been lounging in the sunlight since we finished lunch.”

“He’s starting to gain some color, he looks less like a ghost these days,” Seokjin joked. “Sometimes I think he is more cat than Jimin is.”

You laughed with them before your attention was drawn back to the textbook. It was hard learning a new language, you knew that very well. It could take years to reach a decent level depending on your dedication and the language itself. You remembered Alice suggesting you should learn Korean to communicate better with Taehyung. Jimin was doing just that without anyone asking him to and by the handwriting on a good chunk of the textbook, he had been doing it for some time.

Namjoon also took an interest in the textbook but he already seemed to know that Jimin had been studying the language.

“I would like to learn to,” he said. “I didn’t have to chance to learn another language in the past and it would be beneficial if we could communicate with Taehyung in his mother tongue. Maybe it would get him to open up more.”

Seokjin nodded. “I think it’s a good idea. I would like to learn a bit of Korean too.”

“I could teach you a few things,” Hoseok offered. “But I’m not a teacher, I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I can teach you a few words or phrases but”, he glanced at Jimin with a guilty look, “we are having some trouble with grammar.”

“That makes sense,” you reassured him. “It is very different speaking a language, especially when it’s your mother tongue, and teaching it to someone else. That’s why there are university courses for it. It’s a difficult job. But if you really want to learn Korean, I could find you a teacher who specializes in it. That way Hobi would have less on his plate as well.”

Jimin’s eyes widened. “Really? Can you do that?”

“Of course, I can,” you said. “I can find the best Korean teacher in Los Angeles and I can ask them to come here so you won’t have to go to the city. I’ll have to provide transportation of course. How does that sound?”

“Amazing,” Jimin cheered and hugged you again. “Thank you, thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

The least because you couldn’t do the same. You didn’t have the time or the energy to learn another language when most of your day was taken up by your work. During the days you were at the studios and at nights often you had to retire to your office to answer emails and revise scripts before going to sleep. The best you could manage would be to learn a few basic phrases but that wouldn’t be helping anyone.

The arrangements for the teacher were easy. You didn’t have to look long on the internet and after a few calls you had found the perfect candidate who was more than happy to make the trip to the Castle three times a week and stay for three hours to teach the hybrids. You added a very generous bonus for her trouble.

Before finalizing the contract, you talked with Hoseok about an idea you had.

“She could help Taehyung with his English as well. A couple of hours a week could help a lot,” you suggested.

Hoseok was on washing duty after dinner and Taehyung had gone to his room for the night so it was the perfect opportunity to talk to him about this.

“It’s a great idea, if he wants to. I do my best but… I don’t think I’m helping on this,” Hoseok said, scrubbing a plate with the sponge. Foam was everywhere.

You rubbed his arm soothingly. “You’re doing amazing. Much better than I could have hoped for. But I know it’s hard for you and I wish there was a way to help you. I’m sorry I can’t do much.”

Hoseok shrugged, bubbles rising above the dishes. “You are doing the best you can, given the situation. You have already done more than anyone would have expected of you.”

Laughter floated in from the living room. You smiled through your exhaustion.

“Ask Taehyung about the teacher, okay? And tell him it’s your idea, not mine. I don’t want him to accept because I am the one asking.”

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

Jimin ran down the stairs, laughing wildly. Energy coursed through his veins and urgency pushed his legs to run faster and faster. He felt like a nymph in Land of the Gods, running through their trees, their hair flowing like an enchantment and laughing and laughing. He didn’t look at his pursuer, he knew who he was and it only filled him with delight.

The rooms blurred as he passed by, never losing his footing. He emerged in the garden and the sun kissed his skin, the fire inside him burning hotter in the heat. The green stretched around him and for a moment, he got the crazy desire to go into the forest and get lost there, underneath the shade of the tall trees. He wanted to dance and drink and eat juicy fruits between the trees like the fae in the stories you told them yesterday night.

Maybe one day.

Instead, he rushed to the stairs that led down to their room. The footsteps behind him were getting closer and he pushed himself to go faster, flying down the stairs.

There was nowhere else to go now and he paused in front of their bed. It was enough time for two hands to wrap around his waist and tackle him on the mattress. He resisted a little, just for show, before wrapping his own arms around broad shoulders and laughing some more. He felt like a child, in a way he couldn’t remember ever feeling before.

“You can’t escape from me,” Jungkook said, hovering above him.

“I didn’t try,” Jimin replied, running his hands over his shoulders and up the sides of his neck. “Bunnies are supposed to be fast, aren’t they? But you only caught me when I had nowhere else to go.”

Jungkook leaned into his touch. “I would have caught you anyway. You couldn’t run forever. Now you’re mine.”

He lowered himself until their bodies were merged together. He sniffed at Jimin’s neck, taking in his scent like he had done so many times, before rubbing his nose and his cheek over his scent gland. Jimin couldn’t stop the purrs that escaped him as his body melted. His hands tangled in Jungkook’s hair, who made an appreciative sound.

The scent of pears and gardenias was everywhere, it was deliciously overwhelming. He could almost taste the sweetness and tanginess of the pears on his tongue.

He tugged on Jungkook’s hair before he could lose his mind. “My turn.”

Jungkook arched his neck back to allow Jimin to scent him. He quickly found his scent gland and buried his face there. He closed his eyes and a garden bloomed behind his eyelids.

Jungkook’s scent was so sweet and it was mouth-watering combined with the pack’s scents. He could smell his own scent there and Namjoon’s scent of summer rain and pine trees was enveloping everything. The aroma of honey buns and sweet milk glazed over them like sugar and notes of cinnamon and sandalwood pushed through. If he looked for it, he could detect your scent, naturally fainter than hybrids’. Greedily, he searched for two more scents but he could only get the impression of dark chocolate. He might have imagined it.

“I’m happy,” Jmin whispered like it was a secret. There was the irrational fear that if he said it any louder, he would tempt fate to take it back.

“I’m happy too,” Jungkook said, laying his head on Jimin’s chest.

Jimin tangled his hands in his hair and massaged his scalp, he was rewarded with a pleased sigh. “It’s like everything has finally fallen into place. I’m not sad anymore. I didn’t realize how sad I was until I wasn’t. Even when I was happy, I was sad too. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“You don’t have to.” Jungkook caught his hand in his and brought it to his mouth, placing kisses on the back of it. Jimin’s heart fluttered with the wings of thousands of butterflies. “All that matters to me is that you aren’t anymore. I only want you to be happy. I know it isn’t possible to be happy all the time but I want us all to be happy. Together and happy.”

“Together and happy,” Jimin repeated quietly.

Every time he was was with Jungkook like that, his mind strayed. It went to all the possibilities, all the could-have-beens and the what-ifs. What would have happened if Jimin wasn’t a coward, if he hadn’t run away? If he had told you what had happened before, would he have been braver? Did Jungkook feel the same after everything that happened? Did he still want to kiss him?

His bunny was so beautiful, his soft dark brown ears that flopped against his hair, his cute nose and large eyes that held the galaxy inside them. Everything about him was beautiful and Jimin loved him so much he could burst. He wasn’t sure if it was right to love him like this, to want to kiss him and hold him like lovers did but he trusted you when you said that it was okay.

Lost in his thoughts, he tugged lightly on Jungkook’s hair, who let out a sound that lit a fire inside him. It was a moan, Jungkook had moaned.

His cheeks growing red, he looked at Jimin like a deer caught in headlines. “I’m sorry! I didn’t- I shouldn’t-”

“Jungkookie, it’s okay.”

“No, no. I’m sorry,” he continued quickly. “I don’t know why I did that. I’m-”

“Jungkook,” Jimin said more firmly. “It’s okay. Really. I didn’t mind. You… sounded good.”

“Good?” Jungkook asked confused. And his eyes, how could his eyes hold so many stars inside them?

Slowly, Jimin tugged at his hair again. “Yeah, good. I liked it.”

“Oh.”

They looked at each other and the world faded around them. There was only them, them and the heat brewing between them.

“Do you-” Jimin looked away. He couldn’t just ask him like that. But what else could he say? “I love you, I love you so much. I never want you to forget. Anything that may happen, I’ll still love you.”

“I love you too, you know I do. You are my Jiminie. I would do anything for you.” He bit his bottom lip and Jimin wished he was the one doing it instead. “Did something happen?”

“No, I just wanted you to know,” he said, cupping Jungkook’s face. His skin was the highest quality of silk and satin under his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so difficult, so… scarred.”

Jungkook’s hand covered his and his gaze was unyielding, it didn’t allow him to look away. “Never apologize for that. Never. You aren’t difficult, you are incredible. You are strong, stronger than I could ever hope to be. Your scars don’t define you. I met you with your scars and I love you with them all the same. I don’t care if I have to be a little more careful or if I have to hold you a little closer sometimes. Just being close to you is all I need.”

There was a stinging behind Jimin’s eyes. “My baby,” he said like a prayer. An invisible thread pulled him closer to Jungkook until only a breath separated them. “Can I kiss you?”

“Kiss me?”

Jimin hated the doubt and the fear in his voice, he grieved that he had been the one to put it there. “I want to, I promise. It’s okay, I talked with Y/N. I’ve been so stupid. I want to kiss you so much, baby.”

“Please. Please, kiss me,” he said, voice breaking.

Their lips came together softly. There was no rush, no harshness, only love and patience. He was warm, warmer than he had ever felt. He was safe in Jungkook’s arms, hidden away in the Castle, in their home. Sweetness coated his lips. He might not deserve this, might be too broken for this but he never wanted to let go.

Two tears rolled down his cheeks. Catharsis.

Jungkook pulled back in panicked haste. “Did I hurt you? Did-”

Jimin let his tears run their course down to his neck in favor of cupping Jungkook’s face. “You could never hurt me. They’re happy tears. I’m very happy.”

The tension in Jungkook’s face eased and Jimin pulled him closer again. As he kissed him, he tasted love and freedom. He tasted of healing.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

The grand piano stood by the glass wall in the living room, polished until the black surface reflected the light like a mirror. It was a thing of beauty, a gem dipped in luxury to decorate a rich household. For Yoongi, it was so much more.

It was a few hours until you would be back home and the sun was setting behind the forest. The lights were off in the living room and it was painted in the red, gold and pink of the sunset. You would be back later than usual, the filming schedule was packed for the day and after that was done you would visit the headquarters of the production company. You had told them to eat dinner without you.

Yoongi’s fingers flew over the black and white keys. He closed his eyes and focused on the music. Each note was a bright light in the darkness behind his eyelids. It was easy to get lost in the music, in the feelings it evoked and in the pictures it weaved.

He heard it when Taehyung arrived. He didn’t speak, gave him space to go away if he wanted or simply listen in silence. The melody grew more tender.

Taehyung didn’t go away, he drew closer. He hesitated before sitting on the bench next to him, leaving a small space between them. The song blended into the next one and the next one until the familiar stiffness spread over Yoongi’s fingers and he stopped.

Outside, the reds and golds had turned into purples and deep blues. Yoongi would have to turn on the lights soon.

“Do you want to try?” Yoongi asked when the silence stretched and Taehyung didn’t seem to find the words he was looking for.

Taehyung looked at the piano in quiet wonder. “Can I?”

He was so young and it made Yoongi furious that some bastards had carved the innocence and joy out of him. He wanted to find the monsters who had done this to him and tear them apart limb by limb.

His long fingers hovered over the keys. “How?”

“Just do whatever feels right.”

Taehyung pressed the keys one by one at first, the faint lines of a smile appearing on his face at every new sound. Progressively he got braver, pressing keys together and creating disjointed melodies.

“Together?” Taehyung asked shyly.

Yoongi couldn’t say no.

Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing

[honeylemonteaasblog]

Loved You Once

summary: Our MC, Jia, moves back to Korea after living abroad and reconnects with the boys, including Jungkook, the boy who has been in love with her since they were kids.

pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Named MC)

genre: angst, some fluff, healing

word count: 6.3 k

warning (triggers— please read them): domestic abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, implied physical abuse, trauma, depression, talk of mental health

note: I tried to portray mental health in a real way that represented trauma and abuse without romanticizing it. I understand that parts of this may be difficult to read, but I also firmly believe that we should talk about mental health, trauma, and abuse in an effort to create safe spaces for survivors’ stories. Please let me know if anyone has advice or concerns about writing about sensitive topics. I’d love to hear it.

“Did you hear? Jia’s back.” Jungkook’s head snapped to Hoseok. It looked like the rest of the boys were also surprised. Your family had moved to the states when you were still in high school. You all had maintained your friendship for a while through excessive texting and random facetimes, but the distance made it difficult. Then, life got really busy and you all fell out of touch. Well, you fell out of touch with them; they still talked with each other.

It was something that the boys would never forgive themselves for. They had each other, but they felt like they had abandoned you. Even if that wasn’t the case and you didn’t actually blame them. The boys felt bad that they were all friends still and didn’t even know how you were doing. They don’t check in anymore. They were supposed to be your best friends, but they had done a horrible job of maintaining that relationship. However, it was also something they would never admit to each other. Mostly because they didn’t want to say it out loud. None of them had talked to you in years.

“I overheard my mom talking to her mom.” Hoseok admits. They could see the frown on his face. And they could all relate. They wish that they didn’t need to resort to overhearing their parents’ conversation to hear about their best friend’s life. Well, the girl who used to be their best friend, now they aren’t sure where they stand anymore. It’s not like they had planned on growing apart. They still cared for you. Now, it’s just… hard.

Jungkook wasn’t sure how to make sense of his emotions. Of course, the 8 of you had been best friends, but he was in love with you. He thinks that he had always loved you, even before he had realized it. But you moved away before he was able to fully understand that you were the love of his life and he would never be able to love someone else like he loves you. He’s not trying to be dramatic, he had a few girlfriends. It’s just that he quickly realized that none of them were you. You were across the ocean. Then, he remembers seeing an instagram post about an anniversary and decided that he needed to move on. You looked happy in the photo and he decided that he couldn’t threaten that by claiming that you were the love of his life. He couldn’t just barge into your life after abandoning you. It’s just, that he couldn’t get over you. How was anyone supposed to get over you?

“Maybe she’ll come to the event on Friday?” Seokjin wondered aloud. Hoseok’s family and your family were close. So, if you were back in town it made sense that you would be at the Jung family’s charity event. Your parents would be there. They just didn’t know how to prepare for seeing you. Were they supposed to act like nothing happened? Were they supposed to beg for your forgiveness and apologize profusely? It’s not like you had made an effort to maintain your friendship either. It was just… that life got busy. They would never hold that against you though. Your entire life changed. They were the ones that were supposed to keep your life stable, but they didn’t.

“I guess we will see in a few days.”

You sat in front of your vanity for a while because you couldn’t bring yourself to get up. You had already finished getting ready but you didn’t want to go down stairs because then you would have to see all the people that you had left. Your family had moved while you were in high school, but your parents moved back to Korea when you went to university. You had gotten a scholarship and didn’t want to waste it, so you stayed. It was one of the hardest decisions you had ever made. You didn’t know if you could live in the states without your family. But you were also in love, which made the decision easier though you would deny it.

You lived in the states for four years as you finished college. You had a masters program lined up but then everything went to shit— well everything was already shit, you just hadn’t realized it yet. You hated yourself for dropping out of the masters program. It had been one of the most competitive programs in the country and you just… left it. Even though you know it’s not your fault (a fact that your therapist made sure to remind you over and over until you could remind yourself), it feels like your fault. It feels like you gave up.

You blink away the tears. You had spent way to long on your make up to ruin it now. “Let’s get this over with” You mutter to yourself. You are already tired just thinking about the small talk.

To be honest, you hadn’t thought about seeing the boys. Of course they were your best friends, but now they weren’t. Unlike the boys suspected, you didn’t blame them. You had drifted away from them and you knew that they were pursuing their dreams. You would never let your problems hold them back. But that means you also hadn’t thought about seeing them. Ever since getting back you had been struggling, so no offense to the boys, but they weren’t really the priority.

You allowed yourself one deep breath before pushing the door open. The event was being held down stairs so you knew that you wouldn’t have much time to steel yourself once you left the room. You had to be prepared before you left.

The room was beautiful. It was like an extravagant ballroom fit for a gala. Hoseok’s family had gone all out this year. The doors at the back opened into a garden. You could see a beautiful water fountain out in the garden. You knew that you would spend most of the evening outside, hiding away from everything else. It’s not that you didn’t want to see anyone, it’s just that you had only gotten back a little more than a week ago. That’s not a lot of time to adjust to life in Korea again. Let alone, prepare for the Jung Family’s charity event, which was always an impressive event.

You didn’t see the boys until the event was almost over. You had been successfully hiding in the garden for most of the night. But the fountain was really beautiful so you decided to sit on one of the benches. Yoongi had seen you sitting there for a little while and decided that he had to consult the rest of his friends to decide what they should do. To decide how to approach you. What to talk about and which questions were good questions. How not to overwhelm you. They knew all of them going over at once would probably be overwhelming, but none of them would wait. They didn’t even play rock paper scissors to decide; the stakes were too high and no one wanted to risk losing.

Besides, if some people were forced to stay back, they would most likely end up watching from the bushes and that would be even more awkward when you inevitably noticed.

You looked up when you heard the footsteps approaching. Your eyes widened comically and the boys thought that you were about to begin a long rant about how everything was there fault. They really should have kept in touch just to save themselves the scolding. But you didn’t. You simply took two long strides and threw yourself into Jungkook’s arms. Jungkook easily caught you. Like the rest of them, he was surprised, but he didn’t dare not catch you. You felt Jin pat your head, ruffling your hair. You turned to glare at him, but kept your arms wrapped around Jungkook.

“Jia, it’s been so long. We’re sorry we didn’t keep in touch.” You simply waved Namjoon off, much to the boys surprise. “Life got busy.” You reply. That was the understatement of the year.

“We have plenty of time to catch up.” You reassure them, still clinging to Jungkook. Though you reluctantly pull away and put some distance between the two of you so you can hug the rest of the boys. Jungkook thought he felt physical pain when he let you go.

You always knew that Jungkook had a crush on you, and you thought it was adorable. Mostly because you thought Jungkook was adorable. When you left you had a crush on him too. The secretly-writing-in-your-diary, middle-school-love, innocent kind of crush. The one that you would never act on because it was too pure for this world. The love that you would hold on to when other boys broke your heart to prove that love really did exist. But then you had been in the States and Jungkook was here. You couldn’t let yourself be stuck on him. Then, you fell in love with another man and dreamed of marrying him and your children and a happy ever after. You dreamed of experiencing the love that you felt for Jungkook with another man. You should have noticed that first mistake, to think that that love could be replicated. None of those dreams worked out, but despite all of it, you never didn’t love Jungkook. He was your first love. Deep down, you think you’ve only loved Jungkook, but you aren’t ready to think too much about that yet.

So the rest of the night you keep your distance from Jungkook and catch up with the boys on what you’ve missed. You fill them in on some of what they’ve missed, but you decide to keep most of the shit show that is your life to yourself. It’s not that you think the boys would judge you, but some things you aren’t ready to admit out loud to anyone, not even in your room by yourself with no one else home.

When you leave the boys at the end to the night you all decide to meet the next morning at one of your favorite cafes. You used to go there multiple times a week when you all were still in high school, before you left of course.

You knew that today was going to be a hard day as soon as you woke up. The past week you had been full of energy and happiness, most of which you attribute to seeing the boys again for the first time and having your schedule packed with cafe hopping and catching up with their lives. But here you were, lying in bed with the covers pulled over your head, crying for no real reason other than that today sucks. It was only 9 in the morning. You were supposed to meet up with Jungkook, Jin, and Yoongi for brunch, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You wanted to curl up and die.

Are you being dramatic right now, of course. But that’s also the reality of life. Some days are harder than others. And today is one of those. Once your life went to shit and you realized the love of your life was not in fact the love of your life, there were a lot of hard days. You tried to power through them through sheer determination and will power, but quickly realized that you were too exhausted. You had been fighting to stay afloat for so long as your life tried to drown you, that you didn’t even have any fight left once you realized that you were being drowned in the first place.

It took you a while to realize, and accept, that somedays were slow days. The days when you let your self roll around in bed and cry without needing to feel guilty. The days when you ate all the chocolate in your apartment and didn’t change out of your pajamas. Honestly, there were a lot of those days.

It is admittedly harder to allow yourself those slow days when your back in Seoul, and when you have brunch plans in a couple of hours. But you are also well aware that you aren’t going to be able to show up for brunch in a few hours. It’s simply not something you have the energy to do and that’s okay. The boys will understand. They have to. If they don’t, and they aren’t able to accept this new, broken version of yourself, then you aren’t sure how your friendship will work. And you can’t lose them all over again. So, they have to understand that sometimes there are hard days and you won’t be able to make it to brunch.

You reach over to your nightstand to text the new group chat, with you and the boys. You send out a text about not being able to make it to brunch, you aren’t completely sure what to tell them and you don’t want to lie. You decide to leave it ambiguous and hope that they don’t read into it. When you sit up in bed and assess your situation, you think that your therapist would be proud of you. Recognizing your emotions. Setting boundaries. Communication.

You realize that, despite everything, you are proud of yourself.

Today’s slow day will start with a bath, you decide. And ordering pastries and coffee from your favorite cafe.

The boys are all gathered in Namjoon’s office reading your text, again.

“I’m sorry I can’t make it to brunch today. I’d love to reschedule tho. Some time later this week work?”

They had called an emergency meeting as soon as they had seen the text this morning, despite some of the boys working. They rearranged their schedules for it. They didn’t want to seem overbearing. You had just gotten back from the States. And they have been making plans with you constantly for the past week. Now that they think about it, it might have been a little overbearing. Okay, definitely overbearing.

There was something formal about your text that they couldn’t figure out. Hence the impromptu meeting. You didn’t make an excuses or claim that you were tired. You just said that you weren’t coming. Honestly, it stumped them. It made them feel like something was wrong. But they weren’t sure how to ask if something was wrong without being even more overbearing than they already were.

Hoseok had asked your parents where you were staying, claiming that they wanted to deliver some food for you. But they also didn’t want to intrude on your space. And you clearly wanted some space. They just also wanted to check on you. They needed to check on you. Ultimately, that was the deciding factor. The guilt of the past years was consuming them whole and they couldn’t bare the idea of you hurting in your apartment alone as they continued on with everyday life.

They decided on Jungkook heading over to your apartment to check on you. If anyone was going to get through to you, it’d be Jungkook. And if anyone needed to see you and make sure you were okay, it’d be Jungkook.

Jungkook got to your apartment before you had time to order from the cafe which would have been bad because you really wanted coffee and a chocolate croissant. But Jungkook brought coffee and a chocolate croissant.

You still made him sit on the couch until you had drank half the coffee. And he was happy to wait, he thought that you looked like you needed the coffee. It made Jungkook happy that he was the one to bring you the coffee.

You looked exhausted. He could see bags under your eyes but he couldn’t tell if they were from last night or it was the first time he was seeing you without makeup since you had gotten back. You were wearing a sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants that seemed to be swallowing you whole. You looked really comfortable. And cute. Like really cute, but in a way that made Jungkook want to pull you into his arms and cuddle with you for the rest of eternity kind of way.

“Why did you come?” You didn’t bother asking how he knew where you lived, you knew your parents would’ve provided the information easily. They adored the seven boys who both protected and comforted you throughout your childhood. Jungkook watches you with careful eyes considering your reaction. He doesn’t see any anger.

“You look exhausted.” Jungkook didn’t really mean to say that, but he couldn’t help himself. “Are you sleeping okay?” He is suddenly overcome with guilt. The boys had wanted to make up for the past, they had wanted to learn about your life without them, and they had wanted to share their lives with you. Suddenly, Jungkook wasn’t sure if that was the right choice. They should’ve let you settle in and get adjusted to life in Seoul, rather than drag you around where they wanted to go. They shouldn’t have pushed so hard.

You laugh a little, breaking Jungkook out of his mental spiral. Guilt can do that to you, especially when it’s a little misplaced.

“I am, but that’s why I’m in Seoul. Right?” Your voice is firm, but vulnerable. Jungkook wants to push because he wants to understand what that means. Were you not sleeping well in the States? When he looks into your eyes he sees a vulnerability that tells him not to push you. So, he holds his tongue and instead reaches over and pulls you closer into his side.

“Then let’s rest.” Jungkook doesn’t leave room for your protests. But when he glances down at you, he doesn’t think you were ever going to. You simply burrow into the couch more and suggest that Jungkook turn a show on.

By the end of the first episode, you are asleep and Jungkook is smiling.

This is what the boys should have been doing, even well you were so far away. They should have found a way to comfort you, even when you didn’t ask for it. Especially when you didn’t ask for it. They should have showed up for you, both metaphorically but also literally. Why hadn’t they ever visited you?

The next few weeks are slower. You and the boys still go to brunch and try as many new cafes as you can. You still learn about each other’s lives and introduce each other to the new parts of yourself. You can tell that they care. It’s just like how they used to be: a perfect mix of protective and caring while creating space for you to be the person you want to be.

There are moments, mostly in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, that you think about how they stopped reaching out after you went to the states. But even in those moments you scold yourself. Life was changing for all of you. You never wanted to blame them for your friendship falling apart.

More often than you would want to admit, you think about the man that you loved, the man who broke your heart and tore you apart. You wonder what the boys would have thought of you if they saw that. A part of you wanted them to rescue you. Another part of you was glad that they weren’t there. That they never saw how much power you gave to someone else and how he used it break everything you loved about yourself. He turned you against yourself.

You fell in love with a man who seems so perfect. It wasn’t until you had been dating for over a year and moved in together that you realized he wasn’t perfect. Rather he was an angry drunk. You knew that he was under a lot of stress with work and you liked to think that he loved you, but the more rational part of your brain also knew that you didn’t deserve to treated like that. No one did.

It’s a shame that it’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone who tells you that they love you. It’s really hard to leave a relationship with someone when you live with them and the rest of your family is an ocean away. And it’s really hard to leave a relationship when they apologize every time that they hurt you and promise that they will never do it again.

The longer you stayed, the harder it became. You started to think about how everyone would be disappointed that you hadn’t left the first time he put his hands on you. You started to think about how this is all your fault, and that you should have know better.

It wasn’t until you called a crisis text line in the middle of the night when he was on a work trip that you started to realize how wrong he was. You were under the blankets like someone was going to hear you. You didn’t tell them what was going on because you didn’t want it to be real, but it was the first time in years— since the boys— that someone just listened to you. That someone wanted to hear how you were doing and what they could do to help make life, even a little bit, easier.

After that call you started online therapy. It took a little bit until you found the right therapist for you, but when you did, you both just clicked. Within a few sessions you had spilled your story to her and despite all of your worries she didn’t blame you. She told you how strong you are. She told you that you were never the one to blame. She told you that he is the one at fault. Over the course of the following weeks she helped you move out and build a new foundation. She helped you reframed your thoughts so you weren’t blaming yourself for things that weren’t your fault and could recognize that no one should treat someone so horribly. That he is responsible for his actions. And possibly the hardest thing to recognize, that no matter what he told you what he felt for you wasn’t love. It was in those dark moments that you thought about Jungkook. You clung to those feelings and promised yourself that that was what love felt like.

And slowly, so slowly, you rebuilt your life. Then you moved back to Seoul because you couldn’t bear to be in the same city as that man. You never pursued any legal action, you were too exhausted. But you also knew that you’d likely be fighting a losing battle. You could tell your therapist wanted to hurt the man and see him in jail, but didn’t voice her opinions because ultimately they didn’t matter. Only your opinions mattered. You were the one who got to make decisions about your life.

Now back with the boys and in a city that you once loved, you are starting to feel better. You aren’t naive enough to think that your healed, in fact you think that you are broken, but you are no longer blaming yourself for being broken. There is something beautiful in being broken. At least that what you try to convince yourself.

You rush around your apartment, shoving things into closets and preparing for the boys who are coming in a few minutes. It will be the first time that all of the boys are coming over to your apartment together. You decided that you would host a dinner. It had been a month since you had gotten back to Seoul and you wanted to thank them for being there for you— even if they didn’t realize how much it meant to you.

When the door bell rings, you hesitate. You know it’s not true, but you can’t help but think that they will find something missing or think that you’re inadequate. You think that there will always be that little voice in your head that sounds like him. You shake your head and go to the door. You’d rather hear their voices.

Jungkook is standing there holding a bottle of wine. But Taehyung shoves the man out of the way at the last minute to pull you into a hug. Jungkook scowls and starts muttering threats. Hoseok slaps him on the shoulder before pulling you in for a hug, which makes you giggle. The boys immediately shut up and watch.

They love it when you laugh.

The dinner had been perfect and you were all sitting in front of the tv for a mario cart tournament when your phone rang. You didn’t think about it when you answered. That was your first mistake. You had gotten so used to the boys calling you. And if it wasn’t them it was probably your parents. They loved having you back in Seoul. They had missed you so much after they moved back to Seoul from the States.

“Jia.” His voice cut through the phone and it made you still. When you think back to this moment you won’t be able to help being a little disappointed in yourself. You had put so much work into getting better and into becoming stronger. Yet, all it took was one word to send you right back into that old version of yourself. The version that thought that what he felt for you was love. That’s what trauma does to you. No matter how much healing you do, you often can’t help some things from triggering you. You can’t always stop something having power over you. One day you will make sure that this man never holds any power over you, but until then you’ll always be scared of him.

The boys are so caught up in the race that they don’t realize. They will blame themselves for not realizing sooner, but how were they supposed to look out for something that they didn’t know was a threat.

You didn’t say anything, not to the boys and certainly not to him. Instead you stood up and shot the boys a little smile and walked to the balcony. You closed the door behind you and sunk into a chair. The boys that had seen the smile began to worry, it was their first warning, but they weren’t sure what to make of it. They weren’t sure how to help you.

“You left.” The anger in his voice startles you. It shouldn’t have. “You didn’t even say goodbye. I came home and you were gone. How could you do this to me!” You knew he didn’t actually want you to answer the question so you stayed quiet. You kept reminding yourself everything that your therapist had told you. You kept reminding yourself of everything that you told yourself in the mirror at night when the nightmares were particularly bad.

He was talking, but you weren’t listening. You hung up the phone. Even if you weren’t listening to him, you didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. There was a moment of panic after the line went dead that you were worried about what you had done. That you worried about what he would do to you. Then you looked around to remind yourself that you weren’t in the states anymore. You were in Seoul. He couldn’t hurt you anymore. You wouldn’t let him.

You started to laugh. It was a broken laugh that portrayed just how much that phone call had hurt you. The kind of laugh that screamed pain and trauma. But it felt so good. He had called you, ranting about who knows what, and you had just hung up. You hadn’t said a single word to the man and truthfully, he didn’t deserve anything. Despite all of the pain and knowing that the next few days were going to be hard days, you felt like you had taken back a little piece of your power. You had stripped him of his voice, just like he had taken yours. You had silenced him.

When the laughing stopped, the crying began. But this time it felt different. It didn’t feel like the world was ending, it felt like you were being reborn. You were mourning over something that had happened, rather than crying over something that was happening to you.

The boys sat there watching you cry. They had never felt so lost, so helpless. They wanted to fix it, but they didn’t know what happened or where to start. So they just stood there. Some of them were crying out of frustration and helplessness. Others had a heartbreaking, blank look to mask everything that they were feeling.

Yoongi turned to Jungkook. “Help her. Tell her that you love her and support her through whatever just happened.” Then he turned to the others and told them to get out. You didn’t need an audience. Besides, Jungkook would be able to help you.

If nothing else, Yoongi was sure of that. Jungkook would do anything you needed.

The boys shuffled out of the apartment, tossing worried looks in your direction, but when Yoongi leveled them with a glare they started moving. Some of them looked like they wanted to argue, but Yoongi again just glared at them and they accepted defeat. Yoongi is a difficult man to argue with.

Jungkook didn’t ask what was wrong. He wrapped you in his arms and took you inside. Then, he held you close until you stopped crying. By that time you were asleep and his shirt was wet. He held you close as you slept, afraid that if he let go you might start crying again. He held you close even after he fell asleep, his body intuitively knew that he never wanted to let go ever again.

When he woke up again, you were still asleep so he continued to hold you in his arms.

And when you woke up, you snuggled deeper into his chest. You felt him laugh which made you laugh too. “Are you okay?” His voice was deep, like he had just woken up and it made you want to look up and see what his hair looked like in the morning. But you stayed snuggled into his chest instead, not wanting to meet his eyes.

You nodded, but apparently that want enough for him because he pulled you up so he could see and asked again.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”You hesitated, but Jungkook could tell you wanted to say something so he stayed quiet and let you think. “I know that you want to know what happened, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“Okay.” He didn’t look mad and that made you relax a little. “But whenever you’re ready. Any of us would be privileged to hear. We’re all here for you.”

“Why do you care?” It’s not that you didn’t know. You know that Jungkook loves you. You know that you love Jungkook, but there was that part of you that would never believe him until he said it out loud. And despite everything that you had gone through you wanted to believe it.

You had mourned the girl who lost everything in the states. You had mourned the girl that believed love was apologies and flowers to make up for missing your anniversary rather than for your anniversary. So, you were ready to move on and experience everything that love actually was. Doesn’t mean it didn’t terrify you though.

“I love you.” Jungkook’s voice was strong. A true declaration. “And I know that you love me too.”

“I can’t Jungkook.” God, it was everything you wanted to hear, but it also hurt to hear it. Because you were selfish. You wanted Jungkook to love you because you wanted to experience that love. Yet you also weren’t sure if you could say it back despite how you felt. The last time you told a man that you loved him, he explained that you loved too much. That it felt suffocating and you needed to be less. When you had cried he kissed you softly and apologized for being too harsh, stating that he had forgotten how soft you were. It had been a sugarcoated insult, and one you hadn’t noticed at the time because you were so desperate for affection. You had wanted him to love you so much that you missed the toxicity underneath his false apologies.

Jungkook makes a distressed noise and holds you tighter as he watches you spiral. “I can’t.” Your voice cracked, but neither of you moved. You couldn’t bring yourself to move and Jungkook didn’t want to move until he understood what you were telling him, but his heart was breaking because of how broken you sounded.

“I don’t want to love anyone again. I’ve always gotten hurt. And…” You hesitated because it was painfully to recall the words that had been thrown in your face. “My love is a burden. I am a burden.” You tore your eyes away from Jungkook, finding the floor because you were too humiliated to look at him. So, you didn’t see the devastation that crossed his face. You didn’t see the tears that welled up in Jungkook’s eyes when he realized what you were saying. He could tell that a part of you believed it and that was utterly devastating to Jungkook, it felt like he had just gotten punched in the gut.

You tried to get out of Jungkook’s arm, but he just held you closer. You started to feel like you were drowning in your own selfishness. You wanted to hear this and yet now you can’t face it. You had practically begged him to say it. You’ve never hated yourself more.

Just moments earlier you thought that you were ready, but now that the moments come you don’t feel ready at all. It’s cruel, but its true. Everyone feels prepared until you’re faced with it. It’s easier to feel ready compared to actually being ready.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook tilted your face up so that he could see your eyes. He wanted to make sure that you were hearing him. You had this unbelievably annoying tendency to avoid all reassurance because self doubt was easier. That’s something many people may not realize. Some people have struggled for so long that they have normalized all their negative thoughts and that they are too scared to deviate from their normal, even for reassurance.

It was one of the main things that you were working on with your therapist before you left to Seoul.

You search Jungkook’s eyes for doubt or malice or literally anything that will reaffirm your own belief that while the world is a cruel place, people are even crueler. Deep down you know that you wouldn’t find any, not with Jungkook. But a part of you wants to be able to see that Jungkook is lying because then you could make yourself walk away and protect your heart, even though it may be from love. But instead you are stuck here looking at him. You find that you are wanting to believe him. You want him to be telling the truth because you don’t want to feel sad anymore.

That scares you more than anything else.

“You aren’t a burden.” Jungkook repeats his words because he can tell that your mind is beginning to get distracted and he really wants you to hear him. His hands cradle your face, softly rubbing your cheeks as you look up at him. It’s like he think that if he touches you with enough softness it may weaken your defenses enough to see how to fix everything. Even though deep down, he knows that this isn’t something that he can simply fix for you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.

You don’t know what to say to him. You’ve never heard someone tell you that you aren’t a burden. You aren’t sure what is expected of you. But then again, you think that is what he is trying to tell you. That there aren’t any expectations. There is no right way to respond. All of your possible responses are right. So you take the leap of faith.

You press your lips to his, trying to say everything that you don’t know how to vocalize. You don’t know how to say what you are thinking. You don’t even know what you are thinking, but you trust that Jungkook will be able to get the message. And he does because one hand slips to your waist, holding you even closer. You hadn’t thought that was possible.

You break away first, a shy smile on your lips and flushed cheek. He loves how close you both are. He loves that he can see the vulnerability in your eyes. It’s the first time since you were children that you are letting him in.

“I love you.” Your voice is soft, but it holds this sharpness to it that lets him know how serious you are. You never thought you’d ever be able to say that again. It isn’t just a declaration to Jungkook, but it’s also your own little act of defiance to your past self who thought that you would never recover. It’s defiance to the last man to hold your heart. The man who no longer owns any part of your heart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” You murmur, unable to prevent yourself from apologizing. Jungkook understands, so he simply kisses the apology away. “I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

[interesting-interludes]

the comforts of creatures (3)

creature comforts:

↳ material/bodily comforts, such as food, warmth, or special accommodations, that contribute to physical ease and well-being

→ pairing: ot7 x fem.reader

→ genre: fantasy!au, soulmate!au, angst with a happy ending, fluff, hurt + comfort + recovery, eventual smut 

→ word count: 4.7k

→ summary: after you wake up in a strange place with strange men, you begin to experience kindness for the first time in months, as the boys begin to realize that you aren’t the person that they used to know.

→ trigger/content warnings: effects of isolation, sensory overload, effects of memory loss, low self-worth, jin is a goddamn sweetheart, mentions of torture, mentions of starvation, angst lol, over-complicated plot cause it’s fanfiction lol, the boys trying their best

→ a/n: also lil disclaimer i am obviously not a doctor so kindly disregard any medical impracticalities that may arise thanks loves :)

past part ← series masterlist → next part

part 3: when you forget me

“Who did this to you?”

Staring up into the eyes of the man leaning over you, a shiver runs through your body at the deep, even tone of his voice. For a long moment, you can’t speak, too distracted by the fact that his attention is directed entirely at you.

The dark piercing eyes, the delicate curve of his mouth, the black curly hair hanging over his forehead. It all shocks you still with something you can’t name. Not quite familiarity, but a sense that whoever this man is, it’s a good idea to listen to him.

You sit there choking on your own words as his eyes search your face.

“Are you afraid?” he simply asks.

You nod, tongue dry in your mouth. 

His eyebrows furrow slightly. He seems to be staring even deeper into your eyes than before, searching for something.

“Joon,” the man calls, a touch of urgency in his voice.

One of the taller ones, the man with short brown hair, approaches you. And you can’t help but notice his build.

He’s broad with long, thick limbs, no doubt bulked with muscle beneath his many layers. It would be easy for him to overpower you. Hurt you.

Instinctively, you flinch back as he gets closer.

He drops to one knee to meet your eye level, softening his expression when you meet his gaze.

“Hey, hey,” he begins in a calming tone, seemingly sensing your rising anxiety at being confronted. “None of us are going to hurt you. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.” 

You don’t believe him. Of course you don’t. But something about his warm eyes, the deep sincerity that lies behind them, makes you release a breath and nod anyway. Or maybe it’s the way that strange feeling in your chest quivers at the sound of his voice.

Offering a slight smile, he then holds up his hands cautiously.

“May I touch your forehead?” he asks.

As if the rhythm of your brain skips a beat, you reel at the question. He's...asking for permission?

You manage a slight nod, watching him closely as he lifts his hands and places one flat against your forehead and the other at the back of your neck.

The others are watching intently, making the air prickle.

Heat blooms under the man’s large hands, spreading down your spine and into your very bones.

Wisps of smoke dance along the edge of your vision. It seems to be coming from him, seeping from his hands, from his mouth, his eyes, which are now clouded over with a milky white film.

A tickling feeling, like the sensation of a string creeping down your throat, seizes your whole body and mind. It’s hot and cool at the same time, singeing your nerve endings yet soothing them as the sensation travels.

Too invasive, it’s too invasive.

It only lasts for a few seconds before you’re jerking out of his grasp. You huff smoke out of your own lungs, desperately trying to expel the strange force that’s permeated your whole body.

Several of the others flinch too. They all seem to be honed in on your every reaction, twitching when you twitch, breath hitching along with yours.

The man withdraws his hands with a placating expression, rising to his feet and backing away to give you some space.

You barely hear it, but he leans over and whispers in Yoongi’s ear.

“We all need to talk. Now.”

You see the smaller man’s jaw clench. His hands ball into fists at his sides, his entire face darkens.

One blink later, and it’s gone, replaced by an expression so heavy, so broken that it nearly brings a sting to your eye.

The only other person Yoongi can bring himself to make eye contact with is Jin.

His hyung understands immediately, letting his eyelids slowly close as all his suspicions are confirmed. He had an inkling, when he found you in that prison cell and you looked at him like he was a stranger. He supposes that now, he essentially is one to you.

It feels like a hit to the gut. He feels the deep ache in the pit of his chest, raw with the knowledge that what’s done can’t be undone. And it hurts like hell.

But he can’t break down now, not in front of the boys, and certainly not in front of you. Your understanding of the situation is extremely fragile right now, and he knows that he needs to lead by example so you can be as comfortable as possible, so you know that you’re safe here with them.

So Jin inhales a clear breath, swallows down his sorrow, and musters up the most composed expression he can manage.

“Alright,” he begins, the whole room looking at him after he breaks the silence, looking for guidance.

“Let’s get you fixed up, hmm?”

You don’t realize that he’s talking to you until he takes a step forward and gestures in your direction.

“Will you follow me?”

You’re realizing that no one is punishing you for making eye contact without permission, so you meet his gaze with a little less hesitation.

The man waits patiently, nothing but gentle concern in his eyes.

Your skin tingles with the feeling of everyone’s gaze on you again, and after your brain slowly processes the question, you rise shakily to your feet and follow him through a nearby doorway.

It’s only after Jin exits the room, after his back is turned, that he lets a few silent tears fall into his sleeve, quick to wipe them away. Because now he needs to do what he does best: heal his clan.

Exhaustion, hunger, and fizzling adrenaline buzz through your veins, your body burned out from running even a short distance. It’s a laborious task to just put one foot in front of the other, but you focus hard to keep up with the man leading you down the hall.

Every step makes your vision blurrier. You can hear your own struggled breathing, feel the burning in your limbs, but the only thing you know how to do is push on and mask how it feels.

Don’t express emotions. Don’t show your pain. It always makes it worse.

Jin pretends not to notice. He has to fight the urge to offer you his arm to lean on, knowing it probably wouldn’t do any good.

You have no idea how long you were asleep or how long you’ve been here, wherever here is. These men don’t seem like a severe threat, at least not now. They haven’t hit you, called you names, spit on you for making noise. But they could be putting on a front, trying to establish a false sense of security.

You’re not letting your guard down anytime soon.

The two of you come to a large, clean room. It’s well-lit, making you squint your eyes against the brightness.

It’s so bright here. And spacious too. Every room seems as wide as a football field.

The man directs you to a bed lined with paper, and you flinch as you sit down, making much more noise than you wanted.

But he doesn’t seem angered by it, he only turns to one of the many cabinets lining the walls.

The familiar squeak and snap of medical gloves. It puts a heavy pit in your stomach. Clenching your teeth, you try to ignore the swell of nausea.

You hear some shuffling, the clink of glass, and then the man is sitting down in a rolling chair next to the bed.

“Do you recognize me?” he asks, slipping a pair of black glasses out of his shirt pocket and putting them on.

A flash of the ashen, vein-mapped face ignites in your memory.

“Yes,” you reply softly, almost flinching at the sound of your own voice in the quiet room.

“Who am I?” He’s looking at you patiently, but there’s a hint of desperation behind it.

“You were in my cell. You’re a—”

Cutting yourself off immediately, you can’t help but recall all the names your captors used to refer to them.

Parasites. Bloodsuckers. Demon spawn.

The man seems to read your mind, but his eyes stay nothing but patient and kind.

“I’m vampiric, yes.”

He busies himself opening a gauze pad and dousing it with disinfectant. When he looks back up at you, it’s with a questioning gaze.

“May I clean your cuts?”

You sit there dumbstruck for a moment. You can’t remember the last time someone cleaned anything for you, let alone asked for permission to do it as if you have some kind of agency. Or spoke to you so...gently.

After a few seconds of silence, you manage a nod.

He offers a slight smile and starts with the shallow cuts and scrapes on your hands. They are overlapped with scars, dirt and dried blood caked under your fingernails.

His touch is warm. It almost makes you jump, the way his skin feels like human skin. You were always told that they were cold creatures, more dead than alive.

Then there’s the alcoholic sting of the disinfectant. That makes you actually jump, but you fight the urge to pull away in case it ends in more pain.

“I’m sorry, it’s going to sting,” he says.

Why is he apologizing? Why is he treating you like this? Like you’re a human and not a creature?

He moves up to the more deep gashes on your arms, applying cream to the worst of them and bandaging them up.

“My name’s Jin. It’s nice to be formally introduced,” the man says, smiling a little painfully.

It hurts him to say it, to admit that he needs to re-introduce himself to you. But at least you’re letting him tend to your wounds. Right now, that’s all he can ask for.

You sit there silently as he moves all the way up to your shoulders, avoiding putting pressure on the deep purple bruises that litter your skin.

“What’s your name?” He knows it, of course he does. And again it hurts to ask, but he knows that this is the best way to go about it, rather than overloading you with the fact that you’ve been here before, that you already know them all.

The question stumps you. You’ve been called many names. Mutt, beast, savage, monster. You don’t remember ever being called anything else.

The man—Jin—seems to sense your inner struggle.

“Can you remember it?” he asks.

With your eyes trained down at the floor, you shake your head.

“Hmm,” he replies, thinking. “Well that just won’t do. What would you like to be called?”

That stumps you even more. Your mind goes as blank as your memory.

Several minutes of silence pass as he tends to the wounds on your neck and face.

The more he looks, the more his blood boils. Your neck is badly bruised, with painful-looking red rub marks all the way around, as if it’s been abused with a number of different things. A tight fist, a ring of rope, a collar.

Your face is covered in scars and yellowing black bruises. Chunks of hair have been ripped from your skull, not to mention that fact that most of your hair has been sloppily cut.

It all makes him want to tear the throats of everyone even associated with that facility. Looking at your face, at the poorly hidden terror that resides in it, Jin tries his hardest to mask his anger so you aren’t frightened by it.

Jin checks for signs of infection while he dabs at the lesions. He notices that you barely flinch, even when it’s clear that you want to. He wonders, feeling sick to his stomach, what happened in that horrifying place.

“You’ve been through a lot of pain,” he says, and you can hear deep sympathy in his voice.

It’s unusual to you, hearing someone sound sorry for you.

You don’t reply, looking down at the floor again.

A few minutes pass, with him continuing to patch up your wounds while you sit there motionless. After Jin finishes the last bandage, he hesitates, looking at you with another question in his eyes.

“Wound you mind removing your shirt?”

It makes you turn cold, arms unconsciously wrapping protectively around yourself.

“No? Okay, we don’t have to do that,” he says almost immediately, shifting his attention to your legs instead.

“Any internal pain or other symptoms?”

You only answer with a dull shake of your head when he looks up at you expectantly.

He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t believe you for a second.

“It’s okay to tell me. I’m a doctor.”

You still don’t say anything, despite the sharp pain in your stomach and the incessant pounding in your head. Too many times you’ve encountered doctors that did nothing but use their knowledge of your body against you.

The last thing you want to do is admit weakness.

For a very brief moment, Jin’s face flashes with disappointment, and you feel your gut lurch with guilt. The next second he’s gathering more equipment from the cart next to the bed.

“Would you mind if I did a few more basic checks?” he asks.

This time you indulge him with a slight nod, and you’re rewarded with a smile that plumps up his cheeks and makes that something in your chest jump.

He checks your heartbeat, your temperature, your blood pressure, among other things that you don’t recognize.

You accept it all with quiet compliance, still fighting the urge to flinch away with every touch. Because every time he touches you, your heartbeat stalls against your will, heat blazing across the spot where his skin met yours.

He always treats you softly and with compassion, making your eyes burn with the urge to cry.

He removes his gloves after he’s done, tossing them, along with the used gauze, into a bin.

“I’m going to give you some antibiotics to fight infection, and something for your pain,” he informs you.

Again, all you do is sit there silently, head tilted down towards the ground.

Jin fights off a sad frown as he turns to one of the cabinets and shuffles through the many pill bottles. Finding the ones he’s looking for, he empties a few into his hand, grabbing a stray water bottle from the counter.

When he hands them to you, you take them very hesitantly. Your heart rate picks up considerably when he continues to stand there, clearly intent on watching you take them.

Slowly, you take a swig from the bottle and raise your cupped hand to your lips. You feign tilting the contents of your palm into your mouth, swallowing as little of the water as possible in case it too is laced with something. You’ve gotten quite good at pretending to take pills, so he easily believes you.

When he turns around, you spit the water back into the bottle as quietly as you can and tuck the pills into your makeshift pants pocket.

“Alright,” Jin says as he turns back to face you. “Now let’s get you something to eat.”

The air is heavy, sucked dry from the words out of Yoongi’s mouth. The six of them stand there silently, feeling gutted.

Hoseok is the first to string together a comprehensible sentence.

“I...I can’t believe it.”

None of them can. Almost ten years, gone. The years spent living with them, loving them, getting to know them better than anyone else in the world, all wiped away.

You can’t remember essentially growing up with the maknaes. You can’t remember studying spells with Yoongi, nearly surpassing him in knowledge and skill. You can’t remember all the times Jin nursed you back to health after protecting the others in a fight, or when you would explode laughing at one of Hobi’s jokes while still in recovery, Jin snapping at him to knock it off because you’d broken your ribs again.

And all the years spent earning your trust, earning their trust, building your confidence, carving your place in their souls, all gone from your mind.

“How?” Jungkook asks, voice thick with hopelessness.

“A riamemors spell,” Yoongi replies. His arms are crossed as he leans back on the counter, eyes trained on the ground. His expression is unreadable, but they all know that he’s been hit just as hard.

None of them know as much about casting as Yoongi does, not even Namjoon, but almost every Northerner knows what that spell does. It means “death of memories,” and it cannot be reversed.

The F&F has been abusing it for decades. First using it in weak doses on humanic people to keep them ignorant about the realities of atypicals, then using it full potency on atypicals to make them mindless slaves.

They don’t know what that facility was planning on using you for, but clearly they didn’t want you to have your memories to do it.

“How strong?” Taehyung asks. His eyes are glassy, chin wobbling despite his efforts to fight it.

They all look to Namjoon for the answer. One of the abilities of wraiths is delving into a person’s mind through touch, including their memories.

Namjoon’s face holds a deep sorrow. Your head is a very dark place.

“Nearly full strength,” he replies. “We aren’t there. Not at all.”

Half of them feel sick to their stomachs, the other half burn with rage.

“What does she remember?” Jimin asks, eyes glassy.

Namjoon’s jaw clenches.

“A bit from childhood, her parents, and...the facility.”

It looks like it physically hurts him to say it. A long, weighted moment of silence.

“Joon?” Yoongi says, looking up for the first time since they entered the kitchen.

The younger man meets his elder’s gaze, waiting in anticipation for what he will say next. The redness in Yoongi’s eyes makes Namjoon want to hug him.

“What happened there?” Yoongi finally brings himself to ask.

Namjoon’s throat bobs as everyone looks at him once again. It all comes back to him, the pain, the torture, the loneliness felt through your skin. The shadow of it, at least. The memory of it. The real thing must’ve felt much worse.

“Let us see,” Jimin suddenly says, taking an eager step forward.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jimin,” Namjoon replies, gravely serious.

“It would help us get inside her head, see what she’s dealing with,” he argues, looking around for support.

Taehyung and Jungkook look just as eager, while Hoseok looks tempted by morbid curiosity. Yoongi’s trying not to make eye contact, worried that it might give away the fact that he secretly agrees with Jimin.

Seeing that he’s clearly outnumbered, Namjoon lets out a defeated sigh.

“Alright, but just a glimpse,” he says.

They begin to gather closely around Namjoon, until he holds a hand up.

“Not you, Jimin,” he says sternly.

“Why?” the shorter man whines, upset at being the only one left out.

“I really don’t think you should see this. For your own good.”

Everyone knows that Jimin was briefly imprisoned at a one of the same facilities, and every so often he gets triggered and descends into a rapid downward spiral plagued with nightmares and flashbacks.

He looks around and finds the rest of them looking at him imploringly. When he looks at Hoseok and Yoongi, they both give him a silent nod.

Jimin sighs and lets his shoulders sag. Despite the itch of not knowing, he trusts his partners to take care of him.

“Okay, hyung,” he says, stepping away to stand at the edge of the room.

Namjoon takes a deep inhale when they’ve all huddled in a semi-circle around him. Smoke begins to unfurl from his hands, his eyes clouding over. When he opens his mouth, a thick stream of gray vapor pours from his lips.

Everyone leans over to breath it in while Jimin covers his mouth and pinches his nose.

They feel it burn down their throats and warm their lungs, singeing all along their veins until it reaches the depths of their minds.

Then their vision goes dark, eyes clouding over just like Namjoon’s. Cold fear crawls up their spines, the ghost of hunger sitting in their bellies.

A thousand images, feelings, and sensations flash through them.

Countless miserable nights sleeping on hard, wet stone. Being wakened with a bucket of freezing water. Gagging on rotten food scraps to soothe the never ending ache of starvation.

A slap to the face every time you looked at an overseer without permission. Because you are beneath them, not even worthy to see the color of their eyes.

A kick to the ribs every time you made a single sound, every time you even breathed too loud.

The sting of needles, the heat of an iron brand. Electric shocks right to the nerve endings when you fell asleep without permission. Cigarettes stubbed out on your skin.

A spit in the face. Spit in your food, then being forced to eat it because it’s all you have. Having to lick water droplets off the rusted pipes.

Open wounds, tender bruises. An ache so deep it feels like you were born with it. Chained in awkward, uncomfortable positions for hours on end.

Disgusting thing. You are nothing. You will never leave this place. You disgrace the ground you walk on. I wish I could kill you myself.

Jungkook rips away first. He heaves the smoke out with violent, forceful breaths, stumbling back like it will distance him from what he’s seen.

Hoseok and Taehyung follow soon after, jerking away as they try to cough the memories out.

Yoongi lingers the longest. When he finally pulls away, his eyes are brimming with moisture.

None of them can hold it in any longer. Taehyung bursts into tears, face scrunching up with the weight of it all. He turns to the one closest to him, which is Jungkook, and lets his head fall on his on shoulder.

Jungkook automatically puts a comforting hand on his head, fighting back tears himself.

Seeing someone they love go through all that, seeing them get treated like dirt, it hurts it hurts it hurts.

Hoseok nearly bites through his tongue. All he can think about is revenge, making the ones who did this to you regret it more than they’ve ever regretted anything in their lives.

Jimin feels like he might throw up. Not because he’s in pain, but because he’s seeing his mates in pain, so much pain. And their pain pales in comparison to yours.

He’s grateful to Namjoon, grateful that he didn’t let him see inside your head.

Jungkook’s chest hiccups with sobs, and Jimin takes hold of Taehyung so Jungkook can fold up against Hoseok.

Tae buries his head in the fold of Jimin’s neck. Hoseok wraps Jungkook in a bear hug to soothe his hitching breaths.

Yoongi, who’s held strong up until this point, finally succumbs and lets himself go limp in Namjoon’s hold, who was right behind him in case he should need him.

For several minutes, the air is filled with nothing but heart-wrenching cries and quiet snivels.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, she’s safe now,” Namjoon says to no one in particular, still supporting Yoongi’s weight.

Jungkook’s gaze has gone foggy. The hell of that place won’t get out of his head. All he can think of is how he wasn’t there, he wasn’t there to take the pain instead. It should’ve been him.

Taehyung’s balling like a baby, he couldn’t speak if he tried to. His chest is close to bursting, swollen with so many emotions that he can’t decide which ones hurt the most. The pain of knowing what you went through, the rage towards the ones responsible, the guilt of not being there to protect you, the sorrow of knowing that he’s a stranger to you now.

Jimin is torn between breaking down himself and being strong for his mates. He feels the pressure behind his eyes, but he blinks it away and holds Taehyung tighter, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“Why?” Tae asks in a broken voice, finally saying what they’re all thinking.

Why would anyone do this?

“They must’ve not wanted her to know what she was capable of,” Namjoon answers.

It makes sense. You were a skilled caster along with Yoongi, the spells you and him collaborated on were some of the most powerful they’d ever seen. You were incredibly knowledgeable after spending years studying alongside Namjoon, partnering with him during many of his research projects.

You were always sharp, strong, and absolutely deadly in your final form.

“What are we going to do?” Jungkook asks, barely above a whisper.

“What we’ve always done,” Yoongi replies almost instantly, shifting to fully support his own weight. “We’re gong to do what’s best for her.”

Seeing him regain his quiet composure gives the rest of them the strength to wipe the last of their tears away.

“She’s been kept in isolation, starved...tortured.”

They all hear the catch in Yoongi’s voice at the word.

“Her trust in people has been completely broken. It will take some time before she feels safe again, before she can handle a normal diet, before she’s comfortable with being touched.”

That part is going to be difficult for most of them. After all the years of hand holding, cuddling, all the comforting embraces, it’s going to be hard to refrain from trying to soothe you with physical touch.

“No doubt she’s overwhelmed and confused as it is,” Yoongi says, then he pauses like he’s gearing up to say something difficult.

“So I think it’s best if we don’t overwhelm her further by telling her who we are. At least not now.”

Silence. Uncomfortable, choking silence.

“Just...pretend we haven’t met before?” Hoseok says, disbelieving.

“Not pretend, just...don’t acknowledge it,” Yoongi says. “Right now, we’re just a group of strangers that whisked her away from everything she ever knew.”

“We don’t even know how much she knows about what we are. Everyone knows standard protocol for those places is extended brainwashing,” Namjoon adds.

That makes them stop and think. What does she know about atypicals? Did they make you despise them like Southerners do? Do you even know about the soul bond? Do you even know what you are?

“Won’t that make her feel lied to?” Jimin asks.

“I assume she’d feel more lied to if we tried to convince her that she’s known us for years. It might make her feel like we’re trying to trick her into trusting us,” Namjoon explains. 

“It might pressure her into trying to remember things she can’t, to be the person she used to be,” Jungkook says, eyes still glazed over.

And all of them know that you’ll never be the person you used to be.

“She has to trust us on her own, not because we tell her that she should,” Yoongi asserts.

Another stretch of silence.

“For how long?” Tae asks.

“Not for long, just until she feels safe here. Until she decides that she want to stay here, Yoongi continues.

“I don’t know,” Taehyung says. He doesn’t know if he can pretend that you’re not his mate, like you aren’t a vital piece of him.

“We’ll just take it day by day,” Hoseok begins, seeming more convinced by the whole idea. “Right now, our biggest priority should be making her feel safe.”

Nods all around.

“What...” Jimin starts, voice trailing off with uncertainty. “What if she wants to leave?”

None of them can think of a reply to that.

The next second, footsteps sound from the hallway. The shifters can smell you coming, and you no longer stink of dried blood.

Jin rounds the corner, closely followed by your sluggish form, looking exhausted and shaky.

A jolt of fear in your chest from being confronted by all of them again, and the rest of them feel it in the pit of their hearts. The fact that their own mate feels endangered by them, in your own home, elicits a fresh sting.

There’s moment of dull quiet where nobody moves, too afraid to make a wrong move.

Yet again, their leader guides them in the right direction.

Namjoon steps forward with a warm smile on his face, slouching his shoulders to look less tall and threatening in your eyes.

“You must be hungry.”

a/n: thank you for reading til the end! comment any thoughts or reactions i love to hear them :) sorry if i forgot anyone on the taglist!

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