#hurt buck

[bigfootsmom]

buck, bound, and bloody for @lovebuck <3

[bisexual-buck]

a beautiful family by autumnchills [ one shot | word count: 2.1k | rating: teen+ ]

Screams of a gun go out among the gathering crowd, some running away in terror. There are shouts from his team, too, but they’re muffled and barely coherent over the sudden ringing in his ears. Only Athena’s commanding yell breaks through the cacophony. Kyle! Put down the gun and release that firefighter, now!” — or, What if Kidnapper Kyle pulled a gun on Buck before he could be tackled?

some tags below the cut 🫶

@princessfbi @homerforsure @mellaithwen @boykisserbuckley @bigfootsmom @uhhrellys @honestlydarkprincess

[daniwib]

What’s an X-man, anyway?

Buck didn’t make the saw blade fly towards Captain Gerrard. That was impossible. No one could do that. Right?

Captain Gerrard, however, thinks he did, which results in Buck being kidnapped and told to use his superpowers to save the world. Well, part of it, anyway. A very important part.

AKA a shamelessly indulgent What If story that is completely and utterly ridiculous.

[alittlehurtwithyourcomfort]

9-1-1 Whumplist (Updated with Each Episode)

Characters: Evan “Buck” Buckley (played by Oliver Stark), Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz (played by Ryan Guzman), Albert Han (played by John Harlan Kim)

Age Rating: TV-14

Show available on Hulu

Genre: First Responder, Drama, Procedural, Found Family, Ensemble, LGBTQ+

(The styling of this whumplist is inspired by @love-me-a-lotta-whump​ who has an amazing blog, go check them out!)

Synopsis: The firefighters of the 118 work with other first responders to save lives in various emergency situations. Throughout this, they must learn to balance their own personal lives with the stressors of the job.

Note: This show is a great combination of drama, humor, and emotion that is definitely worth the watch (though it does require a bit of suspension of disbelief, the emergencies they deal with are WEIRD). The characters have such a great family bond with each other, and their development and interactions are amazing. This show has tons of emotional whump, as well as some great physical whump moments. I highly recommend. There is whump for EVERY main character, and I am not over-exaggerating when I say that.

TW’s: general blood/gore, child abuse and neglect, sexual assault (mild/not shown on screen), PTSD, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, gun violence, depression and mental illness, panic attacks, death, pregnancy/childbirth, domestic abuse, natural disasters, and various other emergency situations that could be potentially triggering. 

(For more detailed trigger warnings, click here)

My word of advice is if you are uncomfortable with a situation/storyline, skip it. Most emergencies/911 calls are not essential to the overall storyline! I’ve had to skip a few myself, they can get pretty gross sometimes. 

List Key:

bold = most whump, best whump, or favorite whump scenes

~~ = scene break

THIS LIST CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES!

________________________________________________________

Character: Evan “Buck” Buckley (played by Oliver Stark) (appears in all seasons)

1x01: upset, stressed

1x02: in shock ~~ crying 

1x03: none

1x04: shoved/pinned against a wall, scared, worried ~~ shocked, worried 

1x05: none

1x06: chokes on bread, unconscious, almost dies, emergency tracheotomy, barely conscious ~~ unconscious in hospital bed, oxygen cannula, concern for him

1x07: scar on his throat

1x08: none

1x09: hit with a bowling ball (comedic)

1x10: sad

2x01: angry ~~ stressed, worried ~~ startled

2x02: stressed, worried

2x03: stressed

2x04-2x05: none

2x06: drugged (comedic)

2x07: emotional

2x08: held at gunpoint, stressed, concern for him

2x09: no appearance

2x10: argued, emotional

2x11: none

2x12: no appearance 

2x13: extremely worried, scared ~~ upset ~~  hugged, crying

2x14: none

2x15: concerned ~~ arrested ~~ concerned

2x16: none

2x17: concerned

2x18: caught in an explosion, bloody face, leg pinned under a fire truck, weak, scared ~~ weak, shaky voice, screaming in pain, concern for him, unconscious ~~ in hospital, cast on his leg, oxygen cannula, scared, upset ~~ on crutches w/cast, upset, crying, worried ~~ on crutches w/cast

3x01: in pain, coughing up blood, passes out ~~ concern for him ~~ in hospital, oxygen cannula, concern for him ~~ extremely upset, crying, argued ~~ (on blood thinners through episode 3x) 

3x02: depressed ~~ caught in a tsunami, scared, almost drowned, gasping for air, yelling, hoarse voice, extremely concerned, cuts on his face, bloody ~~ weak, hugged, scared ~~ extremely concerned, scared, in shock, crying

3x03: still bloody + cuts on his face, extremely concerned, yelling, hoarse voice, weak ~~ exhausted, scared, yelling ~~ crying, choked-up voice, scared, emotional confrontation, crying, in shock, collapses, heavy breathing ~~ still cuts on his face, emotional, worried

3x04: very upset, argued

3x05: frustrated, upset

3x06: frustrated ~~ emotional ~~ cut on his arm, bleeding heavily, shaky voice ~~ at hospital, concern for him, bandaged arm 

3x07: no appearance

3x08: concerned

3x09: stressed, worried 

3x10-3x13: none

3x14: concerned, frustrated

3x15: almost caught in an explosion, screaming, panicking, held back and cradled, hysterical, sobbing ~~ in shock, extremely worried

3x16-3x17: none

3x18: emotional ~~ concern for him ~~ emotional 

4x01-4x02: none

4x03: worried

(9-1-1 Lone Star Crossover: almost hit by a car, extremely concerned)

4x04: stressed, worried ~~ stressed ~~ extremely upset, crying, yelling, sad ~~ shocked, upset 

4x05: shocked, upset ~~ concern for him, upset ~~ trapped in a fire, extremely worried, concern for him ~~ scared, screaming, upset ~~ exhausted, in shock, concern for him 

4x06: concern for him 

4x07-4x08: none

4x09: extremely worried, emotional

4x10-4x12: none

4x13: covered in blood, in shock, almost shot, tackled to the ground 

4x14: pinned to the ground, covered in blood, in shock, yelling, extremely concerned, crying ~~ in shock, blood on his clothes, hands shaking ~~ sobbing, head in hands, hugged ~~ concern for him ~~ talking about breakdown, concern for him ~~ emotional 

5x01: concerned

5x02: concerned

5x03: concerned

5x04: argued, stressed, punched in the face, shocked ~~ black eye, putting ice on his eye

5x05: none

5x06: held at gunpoint, shocked ~~ held at gunpoint, angry, pistol-whipped, blood on his forehead ~~ concerned, stressed ~~ held at gunpoint, stressed, tackled and pinned to the ground, crying out in pain, concern for him, worried ~~ bandage on his forehead, shocked, extremely concerned, heavy breathing

5x07-5x09: none

5x10: shocked, upset

5x11-5x12: none

5x13: shocked, concerned ~~ extremely worried, shocked ~~ concerned

5x14-5x15: concerned/minimal emotional whump

5x16: stressed ~~ extremely worried ~~ concerned 

5x17: shocked, concerned ~~ upset, angry

5x18: worried 

6x01-6x03: none/minimal emotional whump

6x04: almost hit by a car (comedic) 

6x05-6x06: none/minimal emotional whump

6x07: very stressed 

6x08: none

6x09: stressed, concerned 

6x10: argued, stressed ~~ struck by lightning, unconscious, limp, in cardiac arrest, CPR, concern for him

6x11: in cardiac arrest, unconscious, CPR, defibrillator, concern for him ~~ (in dream), in hospital bed, confused, concerned ~~ (in real life) in a coma, ventilator, bandaged, concern for him ~~ (in dream) shocked, upset, collapsed, trouble breathing ~~ (in real life) concern for him, not breathing correctly ~~ (in dream) trouble breathing, confused ~~ (in dream) worried ~~ (in dream) teary-eyed, scared, crying ~~ (in dream) scared, concerned, crying, angry ~~ (in real life) teary-eyed

6x12: tired ~~ exhausted, sleeping ~~ emotional conversation, teary-eyed ~~ emotional conversation, teary-eyed ~~ upset, emotional

6x13: talking about his near-death experience

6x14-6x15: mentions of near death experience

6x16: argued, upset, emotional

6x17: upset

6x18: scared, almost hit by an ambulance, falls on top of an ambulance, bloody face, unconscious ~~ bloody face, groaning in pain, worried ~~ stressed, worried ~~ cuts on his face

7x01: worried, emotional

7x02: worried

7x03: worried

7x04: stressed, jealous, angry, worried

7x05: stressed, emotional

7x06: stressed

7x07: stressed

7x08: no appearance

________________________________________________________

Character: Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz (played by Ryan Guzman) (appears starting in season 2)

2x01: stressed

2x02: stressed, concerned

2x03: concerned

2x04-2x05: none

2x06: drugged (comedic)

2x07: emotional, argued, stressed

2x08: none

2x09: no appearance

2x10: emotional, teary-eyed 

2x11: none

2x12: no appearance

2x13: worried

2x14-2x15: none

2x16: no appearance

2x17: emotional ~~ shocked, grieving

2x18: shocked, worried 

3x01: concerned, stressed

3x02: concerned ~~ stressed 

3x03: stressed ~~ extremely worried, shocked, teary-eyed, emotional reunion ~~ concerned

3x04: fought

3x05: fought ~~ argued, emotional

3x06: bruised ~~ argued, emotional 

3x07: no appearance

3x08-3x14: none/minimal emotional whump

3x15: stressed, concern for him, trapped underground, presumed dead ~~ scared, gasping for air (all flashbacks: emotional argument, shot, almost died, recovering, emotional) ~~ bloody face, exhausted, weak voice, pale, half-collapsed, emotional reunion 

3x16-3x17: none

3x18: concerned, stressed

4x01-4x02: none

4x03: concerned

(9-1-1 Lone Star Crossover: concern for him, stressed)

4x04: concerned

4x05: stressed, worried

4x06: concerned

4x07-4x12: none/minimalemotional whump

4x13: shot, collapsed, bleeding out, barely conscious, concern for him

4x14: shot, bleeding out, barely conscious, in pain, concern for him, weak voice, oxygen mask ~~ unconscious in hospital bed ~~ still in hospital, weak voice, concerned ~~ sling on his shoulder, concerned ~~ sling on his shoulder

5x01: panic attack, concern for him ~~ hospital visit, upset

5x02: stressed, concern for him

5x03: exhausted, concern for him

5x04: concerned

5x05: none

5x06: held at gunpoint, angry~~ held at gunpoint, angry~~ concerned, stressed ~~ almost shot, concern for him, stressed

5x07-5x09: general emotional whump/concern for him

5x10: emotional (kind-of) goodbye, concern for him

5x11-5x12: general emotional whump/concern for him

5x13: emotional ~~ PTSD flashback, sobbing, concern for him ~~ crying, emotional

5x14: nightmare (bleeding out, collapsed), concern for him, (he just kinda looks horrible the entire episode)

5x15: none/minimal emotional whump

5x16: stressed ~~ emotional

5x17-5x18: none/minimal emotional whump

6x01-6x06: none

6x07: talking about the tsunami

6x08: emotional, teary-eyed

6x09: stressed

6x10: caught in explosion, rough fall, in shock, screaming, extremely worried

6x11: extremely concerned, teary-eyed ~~ crying, worried ~~ worried

6x12: emotional conversation, concerned

6x13-6x17: none

6x18: trapped, broken ribs, crying out in pain ~~ crying out in pain, grimacing, holding his ribs ~~ in pain, grimacing, holding his ribs ~~ hospital, "refusing medication", "i'm fine"

7x01: stressed

7x02: stressed

7x03: stressed

7x04: sprained ankle, upset

________________________________________________________

Albert Han (played by John Harlan Kim) (appears in some episodes throughout seasons 3-6)

3x11: argued, teary-eyed, emotionally hurt

3x13: none

3x14-3x18: no appearance

4x01: none

4x02: no appearance 

4x03: concerned

4x04: concerned

4x05-4x06: no appearance

4x07-4x08: none

4x09: major car accident, bleeding out, head wound, in pain, weak voice ~~ concern for him, unconscious ~~ unconscious in hospital bed, concern for him ~~ weak voice, in pain, bandaged 

4x10: recovering, lack of coordination, upset and frustrated

4x11-4x13: no appearance

4x14: concerned 

5x01-5x03: no appearance

5x04: none

5x05-5x11: no appearance

5x12-5x13: none

5x14-5x15: no appearance

5x16: almost dies, rescued ~~ emotional

5x17: no appearance

5x18: emotional 

6x01-6x09: no appearance

6x10: argued, stressed

6x11: teary-eyed, worried

6x12-6x18: no appearance

6x11: airing next week!

[nibblyssacrifice]

The sin of swallowing up the sun

“Diaz, Buckley, you two get out of the building, now!” Captain Gerrard barks his order, and Buck cannot help but stop at those words, stagger at the ferocity behind them. He hates himself for it, knows that there is still someone in the building that hasn’t been able to get out yet, and now their supposed captain is actively telling them they can’t do their job? Those few seconds matter, all of them know that, so why is this even being brought up? Buck looks back over his shoulder, comes face to face with Gerrard, and the disapproving look on his face is so unlike the ones he has grown familiar with during his time at the 118. It painfully reminds him of Bobby, in all the ways Gerrard cannot look at him, and the word leaves his mouth before he’s able to think about it. “No.” Or; Buck goes against his new captain's orders

Written for: @badthingshappenbingo: Barely Conscious @fandom-free-bingo August: Exhaustion

Read on AO3

[m-j98]

June of Doom 2024 - Day 4: "Does that hurt?" I Impalement I Fracture I Punishment

@juneofdoom

[diazpatcher]

looking for a fic!!

like almost 1 year ago I read a Buddie fanfic where Buck was military and a prisoner of war, and all I remember is that they tried to make him eat his friends eyes. if anyone know pls let me know

edit: it was part of whumptober 2021 and uploaded to Ao3

[frsnkilm]

I hope you all remember the vine with the 2 guys yelling about "her sister was a witch bro" because that is the energy I have in my soul right now at the fact that AISHA HINDS POSTED A VIDEO ON HER INSTAGRAM SAYING "This is the episode where we lose Buck" WHAT THE FUCK BRO, I KNOW REALISTICALLY HE'S GONNA USE EVAN AGAIN BUT THE PURE UNADULTERATED PANIC I FEEL IN MY SOUL IS UNMATCHED RIGHT NOW

[daniwib]

Oh look, it's my current wip!

I love when trauma makes characters messy. I love when characters don't know how to show love. I love when they lash out. I love when they're vile and break down. I love characters who aren't perfect victims. I love when stories don't excuse behaviour but allow you to understand it

[bigfootsmom]

the whumptober vibes never end in this household

[daniwib]

Questions are welcome!

Please reblog and tag for greater sample size.

[nibblyssacrifice]

Blood is Rare and Sweet as Cherry Wine

When Buck comes to, it’s to the idea that he isn’t supposed to be here. He’s had his unfortunate brushes with death, has fought his way away from death's doors back to the battlefield, barely alive but able to fight again. But it’s quiet all around him, the sound of battle nowhere to be heard. Instead he’s sitting on his knees, his hands tied behind his back to something digging into his spine. From where he’s sitting, he has a perfect view of the battlefield in front of him, of the corpses of their enemies littered along the fallen bodies of his family.

Read on ao3

@badthingshappenbingo: Grabbed by the Chin

[daniwib]

Oh look, a lovely gif set of every single thing I am currently writing Buck doing - thanks OP!!!

buck + self-destructive behavior

self-destructiveness n. actions by an individual that are damaging and not in his or her best interests. The individual may not be aware of the damaging influence of the actions or may on some level wish for the resulting damage.

[captain-flint]

I wanted to be a part of that. You were.

[m-j98]

When Eddie’s eyes opened again, he was convinced, for just a second, that it had snowed. The ground and the trees were entirely covered in … ashes!

The volcano! Damn it, where is Buck?

---

Buck tries to get Eddie's mind off the fact that Chris left. Their little trip doesn't exactly go as planned.

@911bingo

[wikiangela]

you're my happily ever after (so i'll take my chance now, risk it all somehow)

rating: G

words: 2.6k

8x06 fix-it, because I'm pissed - I or my fics aren't going anywhere tho <3

thank you to @evansboyfrend for beta reading, ily 🫶

[also on Ao3]

It feels like the whole world is crumbling down. It feels like the Earth should shake, burst on fire, open up and swallow everything around. As dramatic as it is, he kind of expects it to happen, and it’s weird that he’s still sitting here. His ears are ringing, panic rising in his chest with each of Tommy’s words. He watches Tommy get up and head for the door, and he’s frozen to his spot. It’s not- it can’t be. It fucking can’t be. “Wait,” he finally manages to say, trying to keep his voice from trembling, “did you just break up with me?” He asks, hoping to any entity that listens that he just misinterpreted it, that he got it wrong. Because- because he can’t lose Tommy. He’s falling for him so fast and so hard. He’s ready for the next step. He’s ready to move in together. He’s ready to talk about one day, eventually, maybe getting married. He knows he wants that. He knows what he wants, and he wants Tommy.  “Yeah, I guess I did.” Tommy answers, glancing back at him, his expression sad but firm. But Buck knows him. Knows that this mask will crumble into something devastated as soon as he leaves. That Tommy’s heart will shatter, just as Buck’s is right now. He can see through Tommy, he knows that he cares about Buck. It just- it doesn’t make sense. What was he even talking about… It was all so much, so fast, Buck’s brain is still scrambling trying to understand it all.  “Believe me, I didn’t see-” Tommy starts, but Buck shakes his head and interrupts him. “No.” He stands up, his legs feeling shaky. Tommy fully turns towards him, confusion in his face. “What do you mean, ‘no’?” He frowns.

“I mean, no, you’re not breaking up with me.” Buck says more confidently than he feels. Because this can’t be it. The last six months, the best six months of his fucking life, can’t end like this. Can’t end at all. He won’t have this. “I know you care about me. And I care about you. And I don’t want to break up.” He sees Tommy open his mouth to speak, his expression hardening – putting on a mask again, trying to hide the hurt. He speaks again before Tommy can. “If you truly, genuinely want this, not because you think it’s gonna be better for me or you, but because you don’t want to be with me, fine, I can respect that. But I won’t accept it without a fight. I- I wanna fight for us, Tommy.” Buck steps closer to him, hoping that Tommy doesn’t step back, that might just break him. He doesn’t, he’s stuck in place, sad eyes on Buck’s. “Let me fight for us. You-” he adds quickly, on a roll now, not wanting Tommy to interrupt until after he’s done, after he’s said his piece. He needs to say it all now, let Tommy know how he feels. He can’t watch him leave without trying to fix it first. Tommy’s looking at him intently, just listening, not even trying to speak. “You gave me a second chance once, when I fucked up our first date, and I- I want to believe it wasn’t for nothing. So- so you’re my first man, so what?” Buck throws his hands up in frustration, he thinks he’s starting to sound a little frantic, speaking faster and faster. He just can’t let Tommy leave without him knowing exactly how Buck feels. “It’s far from my first relationship ever. Why- why is it so different just because you’re a man? It shouldn’t be. I don’t need to date other people, experiment or whatever else. I’ve dated people, slept around, did it all. I know how that goes, how it feels, and I don’t want to do it again. I know what I want, Tommy. And I want you. And don’t you dare tell me how I feel.” He feels anger seep in, Tommy’s words ringing in his head. What the actual fuck was he thinking? “I’m a grown man, I know how I feel. Yeah, it’s new and exciting, but it’s also real. It’s real to me, and- and if there’s any chance of forever, I want to take it. And-” he takes a breath. He feels like he’s been speaking in one breath, feeling a little lightheaded now, his heart hammering. Or maybe that’s just the panic. “And don’t start with the whole ‘I’m not your last’ bullshit.” He shakes his head again, tears welling up in his eyes, anger still building. Really, what in the world? How could Tommy want to just throw away the most wonderful relationship that’s happened to Buck in years? Maybe ever? “You don’t know that. I don’t know that. Yeah, we could break up one day. But you could also be my forever, and I could be yours. I’d love a chance to find out, even if it hurts in the end. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one here brave enough to risk it. And- and what about my heart, huh?” Tears are threatening to spill, his voice shaking now, with sadness and anger, and desperation. He can’t let him go, he can’t. “You said I’d break your heart eventually. But this, right now? This is you breaking mine.” He finishes, almost panting now, his monologue taking the wind out of him, wanting to say everything on his mind, in his heart. He hopes he got his point across. 

“Evan.” Tommy just whispers, with a pained expression. There are tears in his eyes, too, one lone one slipping through, falling down his cheek. Buck’s hand itches to reach out and wipe it off, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to anymore. 

“Give us a chance, Tommy. Let us fight for this. Fight for me, for us. Fight with me.” He’s aware he sounds like he’s begging at this point, but he doesn’t care. This is too important. “I thought it’s been so good between us lately-”

“It has!” Tommy rushes to say. “It’s been amazing. You make me so happy. That’s why I’m scared, I just- I’m sorry, Evan, but I can’t let myself get hurt like this again. Because I- I’ve been there before, and it was hard to get back up, and with you- I don’t think I’d be able to ever recover from this one.” He admits, his stone-faced facade crumbling, and Buck can see his own feelings reflected in Tommy’s expression. Sad, devastated, heartbroken. 

“We can- we can take some time apart.” Buck says around a lump in his throat. He feels like he can’t breathe. All he wants is to rewind until before he dropped the moving in bomb which must be what made Tommy freak out. He could say anything else, and take it slower, and maybe they’d be on their way out right now, a date night like they planned. “If that’s what you need. A break. But not for good. And then let’s come back to it clear-headed, knowing for sure what we want. And if you still want to break up, I- I’ll respect that. But I already know what I want,” he repeats firmly, decisively. “I want a future with you. I want to move in together, and one day down the line get married, and- and I want it all with you. We can slow down if I’m rushing this. I tend to do that, and if it’s scaring you, I’m sorry.” He adds, not wanting to backtrack any of this, but aware of how intense he’s coming off. He’s never been more serious about anything in his life. “But the past six months have been the best in my life. I’ve never felt so happy, so free, so comfortable, so safe. And I’m not giving up on you, Tommy. I will fight for you until I can’t anymore, until you tell me that you don’t care about me and I should just fuck off.”

“Evan. You know I’ll never say that.” Tommy responds quietly.

“I know. Because I’m confident in us, in the fact that you do care, and you do want me. I know that.” Buck emphasizes, and realizes, not for the first time, that he never felt like this before. This secure. This confident about someone wanting him. “I also know you’re just trying to protect yourself, your heart, and I get it. But I can’t let you go without a fight. I won’t. I messed up a lot in my life, and I won’t mess up this. I refuse to. Because I-” he takes a sharp breath, the words pressing on his lips. He doesn’t want to say it for the first time in a possible break up, a moment of such anger and devastation. But he needs to put it all out there. Needs Tommy to understand how much he’s trying to throw away right now. “I love you, Tommy.” He confesses, sees Tommy’s face melt into the saddest expression Buck’s ever seen on anyone, tears spilling freely now. Both of theirs, he realizes, feeling wetness on his cheeks. “I’ve been falling for you a little bit more with each day we spend together, with each minute. And I know- I hope you feel the same. But if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t-” he swallows thickly, the thought alone is too much to bear. 

“I can’t do that.” Tommy interrupts quickly. “Of course I love you, Evan. It happened so quickly it kind of scared me a little.” 

“I noticed.” Buck says dryly, and Tommy lets out a humorless chuckle. “If you ask me, which you didn’t, by the way, you decided for both of us, which was an asshole move,” he points out, and Tommy looks away, as if ashamed. Good. Buck loves him, which means he’s gonna call out when he’s acting shitty. “I’d rather give us a real try and get my heart shattered if it comes to this, instead of always wondering what if, always wondering if you’re my one who got away. Which you would be.”

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, takes a step towards Buck, now just half a step away. “I’m sorry, maybe breaking up is too hasty. Impulsive,” he scoffs at himself, probably remembering how he called Buck that just a few minutes ago. Well, so maybe they’re both a little impulsive. Not a problem, in Buck’s opinion. “I don’t- I don’t want to break up. I never want to be away from you.” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. His hand flinches at his side, like he wants to reach out, grab Buck’s, touch him. Buck hopes he does. “It just- it seemed too fast. Like you got wrapped up in the moment. It’s still so new, I thought we were taking it one step at a time, and I didn’t-” he takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself, and Buck knows what he says is going to sting – and it does, it feels like a gut punch, actually, “I didn’t think you were as serious about this as I was getting. And I realize we should’ve done the mature thing and talked it out. I’m sorry. It’s just, we’ve barely talked about any future here. But I want it, of course I do. I’m just- I’m scared. My heart has never been in this much danger.” He looks into Buck’s eyes as he says it, more vulnerable than ever. This is everything Buck wants right now, for them to talk, to discuss this, to try fixing it, instead of one of them running away and the other giving up and not fighting for it. Buck’s been there, he doesn’t want a repeat.

“Tommy.” Buck is the one to close the distance between them, carefully brings his hands up to cup Tommy’s face, giving him a chance to back away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he breathes out a sigh of relief, like he craved Buck’s touch as much as Buck craves his. “You remember when I told you I wanted something with you? Even though I didn’t know what that something was yet?” he asks and Tommy nods slightly, Buck’s palms still resting on his cheeks. “I’ve been serious about you since that precise moment. About pursuing this, and wanting some kind of future with you. I know I tend to rush into things, it’s been a problem before.” He huffs a self-deprecating laugh. “I tried not to do that with you, but I failed, clearly. I just think from now on, we both should stay and talk and try to work it out if we have any issues with something. If you still want me.” He adds a little anxiously, but relaxed when he feels Tommy’s palms settle on his hips.

“Of course I want you, Evan. I always will.” Tommy says, that loving look in his eyes, that always makes Buck’s heart melt a little. That look that Buck loves so much, that made him think that Tommy might feel the same way.

“Good. Like I said, I’m not letting you go. Ever.” He says decisively, a huge weight that’s been there since the topic even started finally lifting off his chest. This might be the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and no matter the conclusion – which he’s pretty sure will be the happily ever after he’s always craved – it’s worth the risk, it’s worth everything.

“Good.” Tommy echoes, that gorgeous, scrunchy smile of his slowly spreading on his face, and it’s like sunshine came out from behind stormy clouds. “I don’t intend on letting you go, either. I love you, sweetheart. And I’m so sorry for… for this mess. For overreacting.”

“That’s fine, we’re past this- well, actually, we are gonna talk about it more, but at least we’re on the same page now, I hope.” Buck says, slowly leaning in. “I love you so much. I never want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry.” Tommy says again, and Buck just wants him to stop saying it. It’s fine, they’re fine now. “You won’t. You have me for as long as you want. I promise.”

“What if I want you forever?” Buck whispers, his face so close to Tommy's, their lips almost brush. It sends a shiver down his spine, like he hasn’t kissed him in days, when they just exchanged a quick kiss hello a few minutes ago.

“That works for me.” Tommy smiles again, and finally dives in for a kiss, but it lasts barely a second before he’s pulling away, Buck trying to follow. Tommy chuckles, running a comforting hand up and down Buck’s side. “But maybe let’s put a pause on the whole moving in together thing, huh? At least until we fully talk everything through.”

“Yeah, good idea.” Buck nods, his gaze flickering between Tommy’s eyes, now sparkling happily, and his pretty, kissable lips. It feels so good to be able to just have a mature conversation and resolve whatever issues arise. If they keep doing that, he thinks they’re going to be okay. He’ll make sure of that. “No need to be impulsive,” he adds, his lips twisting into a teasing smirk.

“Okay.” Tommy chuckles quietly, his cheeks reddening. “Just kiss me.” 

Buck doesn’t need to be told twice. He kisses Tommy like he means it, like he’s his person, like he’s the love of his life, trying to put all those emotions into a kiss. He knows for sure he’s getting the same intent back. And at this moment, in his kitchen, narrowly avoiding losing his love because of a stupid reason, he decides it. One day, not too quickly, but not too far into the future, he’s going to ask Tommy Kinard to marry him. And he’s more than sure of the response he’ll get.

[also on Ao3]