#hunting for all the RADs in the future

[thatnununguy]

the bedtime doodle thing continues

[rainbowdelicsunshine]

Rate TF2 characters fave to least and why

OH JESUS CRIMINY THIS IS GONNA BE SO HARD SINCE I LOVE ALL THE MERCS EQUALLY FOR THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL REASONS!!!!!!

I'll try my best lolol!

FAV TO LEAST

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The Soldier

My Loud Autistic American Darling...

He's Literally Fucking Hilarious

Soldier in Expiration Date is Peak Autism and Solly at his Best!

His love for raccoons and other weirdo animals alike

Has a Fantastic Smile

The Sniper

Tall Hot Autistic Aussie..... (he's so hot why??)

His Voice is Fucking Peak and Could Listen to it All Day

He Takes Psychedelics (LSD and Shrooms) and is Awesome to Trip With

He's a Smooth Talker Who has AMAZING Lines

Also a Lowkey Animal Lover (even if he hunts them too)

The Medic

Meet the Medic and Emesis Blue were HUGE culprits to this placement!

Archimedes is the Best Birb!

HE'S FUCKING HILARIOUS MY GOD!!!!!!

AND HIS VOICE IS CREEPY AND ITS ADORKABLE!!!!!!

Plus he and Heavy's relationship is so sickeningly sweet and I love them!!!

The Engineer

He's Super Smart and I LOVE how he's Basically Study Partners with Medic!

His Accent and his Speech Pattern are to Die For!

HIS GUITAR PLAYING AND THAT HE MAKES MUSIC!!!!!!

His Giant Ass Ego that He Somehow Keeps More in Check than the Others

He's a Goofy Goober Yall!!

The Demoman

HIS LORE AND HALLOWEEN STUFF ARE SO RAD!!!!!

He's Actually a Hard Fuckin Worker and Deserves a Lot of Credit for It

HIS LINES!!!!!!! HIS VOICE MAN!!!!!!!!!

The Angst about His Childhood, Losing His Eye, just an ANGST MACHINE

LOVED DEMO IN EMESIS BLUE!!!!!!!

The Spy

He's so Fucking Fascinating and Intriguing, Makes me Wanna Learn More About This Fucker

Is Lowkey a Snarky Shit (like his son lolol) and I wish they would showcase that side of him more ("Oh Scout, please, go fuck yourself"!)

Would LOVE to see how he is as Dad!Spy (Either to Scout or another kid he has in the future)

I WANT this man to say Fuck and Shit WAY MORE OFTEN!!!!!

I Like that He Does Actually Care for the Mercs (Just in his Own Secret Way)

The Scout

He's a Funny, Snarky, Lud Lil Shit!!

He's Actually Lowkey Hilarious

HES FUCKING PEAK IN EXPIRATION DATE!!!!!!

He and Ms. Pauling are SO FUCKING ADORABLE AND TWIDASH CODED FITE ME!!!!!!!

I See Him as a Brother Figure of Sorts and I Really Like Him for That!

The Pyro

A Sweetie Pie, A Cutie Patootie, A Little Guy...

....Will Still Burn Down a Village with No Hesitation!

Even Though They Have Their Setbacks, They're Still Very Intelligent and Successful (hello comics)!

They Have AWESOME music tastes!

Pyro is a Force to be Reckoned With!

The Heavy

A Big Man with a Giant Heart (Literally and Metaphorically)!

This Fucker and his Sandvich will NEVER cease to amuse me!

HEAVYMEDIC ARE THE PEAK CANON TF2 COUPLE RAGGGHHH!!!!!

Super Intelligent and Super Sweet

He, Like All the Mercs, is Fucking Hilarious, My God!

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS TOOK FOR-FUCKING-EVER!!!!!!!!

This was a LOT of work and fun that I had here, I really hope you enjoy reading through it all!

I hope you come back here again and have a wonderful night my friend!!

[sketch-guardian]

Hiii! I’m the same person who asked for the headcannons about the new classmates but I just wanna know if you’d ever be comfortable to post headcannons about all the classmates with a child mc who sees them as older siblings or parental figures. If not I totally understand!! I just wanted to ask since I live for found family tropes and I’m starting to get obsessed with your ocs 😋

I hope you’re doing well!! <33

Hello again!💜I'm fine, thank you for asking☺and I hope you are doing well too✨I'm happy that you're starting to like my OCs! You flatter me😳and don't worry, your request is perfectly valid😌so I hope you enjoy the result:

"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A CHILD MC WHO SEES THEM AS A PARENT/OLDER SIBILING FIGURE"

DEMYA

Demya has a soft spot for kids, in the sense that, seeing them as frail creatures, she considers them in need of protection and care, this however doesn't change the fact that she still remains a bit feral by nature, especially due to the way she was raised, so every now and then Demya could be seen carrying child MC by the collar of their shirt with her teeth or some poor unfortunate soul could witness MC attached to Demya's back like a koala while she runs on all fours. In any case, Demya would be a great, playful, energetic big sister, who would hunt for the best food to share with child MC. Plus in her heart, Demya would love to have an offspring in the future, so she would be thrilled if MC saw her as worthy of a such an important role and would do anything both not to disappoint and to protect them, Demya doesn't want to lose her family a second time after all...

DOMNRA/MOBIM

Domnra may not seem the best with children on the surface, given his rough and harsh attitude, however living with Mobim has accustomed him to looking after another living being and therefore it wouldn't be too surprising to see him with Mobim and child MC in tow, like a mother hen with her ducklings. Domnra would at first be stunned by MC's view of him as an older brother/father, especially since he doesn't think of himself as a reassuring figure, however he would be quietly touched by the sentiment, it would remind Domnra of the times he cared for other soldiers back in his day as an angel, therefore he would promise to protect child MC at all costs, just like Mobim, to raise them and teach them to defend themselves. Speaking of Mobim, for child MC, Mobim would be like a little sibiling to play with

AZUL

Azul is a born entertainer and his characteristic of changing color depending on his mood attracts a lot of attention, therefore he would have no problem dealing with children or people in general. Having also raised Demya in a certain sense, since he taught her to read, write and essentially civilized her, Azul would feel a little nostalgic for the good old days and would behave in an attentive and caring manner, while still remaining fun, maybe a little clingy, he would definitely start ugly crying if child MC called him big brother or dad. Azul would also hang child MC's drawings everywhere if they were to make them, showing them off to everyone

ZURI

Zuri would prove a little hesitant at the beginning, not considering herself the best role model or exactly loving enough for child MC, in fact she wouldn't understand why child MC considers her suitable for such role, given her stoic nature, however Zuri wouldn't bear to disappoint their expectations and therefore over time she would get used to the new dynamic. For Zuri it would be more natural than expected to take care of child MC, having done the same with Azul and Domnra after their fall from grace and over time Zuri would realize that she enjoyed having child MC by her side, like a found family. Zuri would sew tailor-made clothes for child MC and fix their stuffed animals with patches in case of tears, as well as buy several gifts

ODON

Although Odon scares most living beings with their imposing and eldritch presence, it seems that animals and young people are curious about them and tend to hover around Odon, as if they understood Odon has truly changed for the better and trusted them. Odon would be intrigued by child MC and although puzzled by their desire to be in their company, Odon would be flattered and not at all bothered, they would also engage in telling stories and seeing MC play with their eye-like creatures. Odon has never had a family, so the fact that child MC sees them as an important member of their found family would make Odon feel accepted and at peace. Child MC, in Odon's presence, would be the safest child in all of Devildom and they would do various activities together, such as reading, visiting museums, Odon would also carry child MC on their shoulders, being very tall. Odon likes to attend child MC's tea parties as well

REMIEL

Remiel, despite her somber attitude, knows how to handle children quite well, because it unfortunately happened more than once in the course of her celestial duty that she had to help children's souls reach the afterlife, lost and afraid, with only her to guide them towards the light. Remiel is very patient and has both a soothing presence and a soft voice, so from a logical point of view, she could understand why child MC bonded with her, even if Remiel would wonder why they chose her, when surely there were other more appropriate choices. Having trouble understanding feelings and being quite dense, nurturing child MC could help Remiel comprehend the human world better and experience genuine sensations she has never felt before. Remiel would also like to introduce child MC to her parents, to include them and make them feel even more part of the family, as a little sibiling or child, hoping Azrael and Death don't intimidate child MC too much with their appearance. Remiel would be good at putting child MC to sleep, cradling them with her wings

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel isn't used to interacting with humans, being often busy with celestial matters, so he would be pleasantly surprised to have attracted child MC's attention, especially considering his frequent quietness. Nathaniel would be an excellent teacher and would help child MC with homework and other matters, even difficult ones, specifying how important it is to solve them without the use of violence when possible. The concept of family may be foreign to Nathaniel, but being a very patient angel, he would be glad to walk on such journey of growth alongside child MC, experiencing the joy of raising them. Nathaniel would be chill, but still protective of child MC and would be willing to accompany them to explore and discover both the Celestial Realm and Devildom. Nathaniel would also likely teach child MC his way of communicating only through gestures

URIEL

Uriel isn't exactly a loving type and as a warrior angel, she is more used to fighting than looking after others, so at the beginning, rather than taking care of child MC, it would almost seem as if she were training them, almost like a soldier, obviously not overdoing it, given that they are still a child. It would take Uriel some time to get used to such a dynamic, but over time she would start to feel proud of having been chosen to represent such an important role, the fact that child MC looks up to her would slowly soften Uriel's edges. Some activities that Uriel and child MC would do together would be fighting with fake swords, in which Uriel would lose only to boost MC's self-esteem and fly embraced by her safe arms while doing cool tricks, at a safe distance from the ground. Uriel would also be quite strict when it comes to rules, so she would find a way to make them more bearable and manageable for child MC

[devildom-moss]

@stabbylikesnukes @ruksahiroku

I don’t feel like replying from main right now, and I hope you don’t mind me just tagging and replying this way.

First! Don’t worry. If it’s any consolation, requests open again on Halloween (not sure for how long yet). These things occur, unfortunately.

Second, my bad! I will be clear about that distinction in the future TT^TT it didn’t occur to me that misunderstanding would happen since it was already implied to be character x reader in the original post. I probably should have put “threesome” in the parentheses. I just didn’t want to seem like I was committing to writing both characters individually.

But finally, dammit! Now I have ideas for both Barbatos x Mephi x MC and Barbatos x Mephistopheles smut. (But still no tame-ish Barbatos monster smut ideas)

Y’all accidentally put ideas in my head. Watch I’m going to end up with enough smut ideas by the end of the month to do bi-weekly pro-nut November posts.

In case anyone is interested in what some of those are (there’s no way I can get to them all in one month, though), check below the cut.

Be warned, some of the ideas are little messed up or out there, but it's all really short summaries, so you should be fine:

Implied!caught while giving Diavolo a blowjob under his desk (with a little extra spice of having to be quiet while holding him in your mouth)

The unnecessarily sensual image of Beelzebub eating a mango leads to MC pouncing on him

Mephisto’s performance pt. 2 (still messed up, but a little less sad maybe?, more religious undertones, more plot)

Messed up Barbatos Nightbringer AU - mosterfucker, breeding kink, ovipos

Smut mini series - the characters ask MC sexy questions (such as which position they like having sex in with them the most), and MC responds in vivid detail.

Solomon fixes MC’s sudden unquenchable thirst (lust), pretty messed up, amab!MC (or some magical sex swap going on), magic as a form of drugging, overstim, Solomon being a fucker in more ways than one, dubcon

Simeon angst smut; MC has feelings (romantic and sexual) for someone (I don’t know, probably Lucifer, Raphael, or Michael), but they don’t reciprocate. Simeon offers to be a substitute and does everything MC imagines their crush doing to them.

And now:

Barbatos keeping Mephisto “entertained” while Diavolo finishes his paperwork; light brat-taming vibes

Barbatos catches Mephisto and MC getting hot and heavy on RAD premises and decides that a punishment is in order

Edit: can you believe I still forgot one? Oops

Diavolo and Barbatos let MC loose in the labyrinth under the castle and give them a head start before they go on the hunt to find them; primal play, interrupted solo with Barbs, dp "sharing is caring, but they’re still mine" mentality

[radnewworld]

In the beginning, in the time of the Ancients, mankind was powerful beyond reckoning. Their empires spanned the entire Earth, with massive cities of steel and glass and lightning that bustled endlessly without any fear of the night's dark. Machines smaller than the eye can see tended to their health while others the size of thresher beasts built their roads and homes without ever tiring. Any whim or pleasure was catered to by OldTech and their reach could even touch the faces of the stars themselves. Wealth, power, warmth... The Ancients' intellect and cleverness had harnessed all of creation's mysteries for their own benefit.

Truly, they lived as gods.

For all their power, however, the Ancients never conquered their most vile creation: war. Even the most ancient and wise of elders don't know exactly what began or ended the Last Wars, but when the Ancients turned their power towards destruction, they laid waste to the very world that they had so painstakingly crafted. Cities burned to ash, brothers killed brothers, and the very Earth itself was poisoned by the Last War. The sky darkened and grew cold in mourning as the Ancients died.

In the long centuries since then, nature has adapted into strange new forms. Green, monster-filled wilderness has reclaimed much of the land since the skies cleared and the summers again grew warm. Ancient ruins patrolled by mechanical beings unaware of their masters' deaths still dot the land casting a long shadow... But younger civilizations of mutant humans, bugs, animals, and plants have stepped into the dawn of a new age. It is a dangerous time, with disease or violence snuffing out whole settlements at a time, but fewer and fewer are lost each year. Travel between the small settlements led to trade which has brought diplomacy. Some villages have even grown and merged to become small nations unto themselves.

The world as the Ancients knew it ended long ago. Now is the beginning of the RAD New World.

Welcome to RAD New World, a post-post-apocalyptic role-playing game that casts you in the role of an adventurer who lives in the far future of an Earth recovering from mankind’s attempts to destroy itself. Adventurers are exceptional individuals who make their living by solving problems beyond the ability of normal people and are often the only people that venture off the road into the wilderness between settlements. Their world is a strange place full of danger that must be confronted with mutant powers, guile, and daring if one wants to thrive. In a typical adventure, you might save a town from a bandit warchief, hunt deadly monsters, delve into ancient ruins for priceless artifacts, forge alliances with neighboring villages, fight a war, cure a plague, invent new technology, or rediscover long forgotten sciences. Your choices, along with some luck, will decide your character’s fate.  

[oddballwriter]

Do you think you could do some hcs with the EMH guys + Habit, where the reader is a Taxidermist? :] I’m a girl with a morbid fascination with dead things, being both a wildlife taxidermist and having studied mortuary sciences/embalming, for funerals as well! Grew up in a hunting family so the sight of blood and guts have never particularly bothered me. I collect animals skulls and stuff like that, too, I’d love you forever if you brought me a dead thing/a weird bug/rock/etc 🦌

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Warnings: HABIT is here, mentions of taxidermy and the taxidermy process (ie skinning, guts, and the like), mild spoilers for non-video lore content of EMH, mentions of animal skulls and specimen jars

Author’s Snip: Anon, I love taxidermy and think its so cool and also find mortuary very interesting so this was nice to see that there are other weirdos (/affectionate) like me who are into these kind of things. I do enjoy bug and insect taxidermy more but I have seen animal taxidermy here on this damned website and find it amazing. Hope you like it! 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Evan

He thinks its pretty cool in a way that you can make dead things look alive again

He is a bit like a teenage boy when it comes to the guts part though

I can hear Evan saying "Ew! That's so gross. Cool."

He likes looking at the things that you make

And also likes looking at the process too

Once he learns about the fact that you like being given skulls and oddities he will try and find some for you to have

I mean he might have been finding you stuff anyways because I've said in posts before that Evan likes to find you little things he finds when he goes out

Jeff

In one of the previous loops he came from a hunting family, seen in non-video based lore content

I kind hc that some stuff from previous looks leak out into future ones

I don't doubt that he collects animal skulls that he finds to have for his own little strange collection

He'd give some to you and keep an extra look out for more things that he can take so that you can have it

I think that Jeff isn't exactly squeamish, so you're work in taxidermy doesn't bug him much

I like to think that he'd eye some of your smaller stuff and have it around

Vinny

To be completely honest, Vin does find your taxidermy work cool, but also very gross and unsettling

It's mostly with the fact that you have to skin the animal and basically just throw out it's guts as you have it dry and then put the skin on a figure/statue

Here is also the fact that taxidermy is very life like so sometimes he will look at your finished projects and kind have that random thought in the back of his head going "It's gonna move. It's gonna move. It's gonna move. It's gonn-"

You're collecting is rad to him though

He'll ask about all the skulls and specimens that you have

Might hold them to have a closer look but don't worry he'll be really carful

HABIT

He fucks with this so hard

You get to skin things and make life like replicas if the thing??

Thinks you have a really neat job and honestly thinks that your studies in mortuary is neat too

He wants to help to be honest

Not because it helps you but just because he's a fucked up freak of the universe and would enjoy messing with some guts

Honestly you might give him a new hobby ngl

He brings you dead things all of the time

Just comes through the door like "Rabbit! I found you a raccoon skull for your collection."

[lledron]

Thoughts on season 3 (some of them)

Thoughts on season 3 (some of them) Stregobor lived as he died, being a racist. He at least bought the girls some time. Stregobor, Falka is waiting for you too. Call me sentimental, but I love that Fringilla will kill her uncle, you know, the one who left her to rot in Nilfgaard to be beaten and raped. This series is full of family members hurting their family, starting in season 1 with Yennefer. And Ciri has it worse with her sperm donor.

Dijkstra & Philippa: It's like Jesse and James from Pokemon are real and have ambitions beyond just earning their boss's salary. It's a good friendship and if it's not, it's a symbiotic relationship between wizards and whatever Dijkstra is.

Tissaia had a breaking moment, but she rose to fight. Don't worry Tissaia, compared to Tolkien's Celebrimbor your Dark Lord at least didn't keep you for questioning. Vilgefortz being the bad guy. It's great, because he asked me why Tissaia didn't shoot him from behind or something.

I'm worried about Istredd.

Franchesca showed great power in the fight and even had the pep talk with Fringilla. Filavandrel protected Franchesca, very well, but I feel bad that she died.

Where are the novices during the attack? Vil took them for further experiments?

Jaskier and Radovid go too fast in their relationship. I mean, Rad, you've known Dandelion for, like, six months and he still hasn't introduced you to his family. I know that they are cute together, I know that they are in love. The saddest thing is that Radovid wants to go with Jaskier because he doesn't feel safe in his own house. He is right in wanting to leave, in wanting to form his path. He makes me sad because he says that he "was never good at anything".

Which brings us to Vizimir's death. Despite all his hunting for Ciri, despite being a fucking racist to the elves, he loved his brother and his wife. The servants cried when he died, I don't know if it's because they took care of him when he was little or something.

The death of the novices. It's not Triss's fault, she screamed for help and Tissaia dismissed her concerns. Because Arethusa was supposed to be safe and no teacher would attack her students. But no, this happens in real life, the teachers are bullies or abusers, like Stregobor and Vilgefortz. Triss literally can't have happy moments. I hope she has them in the future with Sabrina and Istredd.

Most people complain that Henry isn't coming back, but I didn't come to the show for him. If the protagonists die, the series continues. I hope the change of actor doesn't bring problems, because he's already bringing them. I came for the found family, the sexy wizards and witches.

Tissaia's suicide is so real. Suicides do that, they tell people, friends or family that they are okay and then they kill themselves. At least a part of them. Vincent van Gogh before trying to commit suicide had made plans with his brother to visit him and his family in weeks.

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

Fantasy, feminism, and philosophy

Recently, I picked up two novels published in the late 1980s by CJ Cherryh. I’ve been avoiding reading books since I finished my dissertation, as the act of opening a physical book seems a little too reminiscent of work, no matter the content - I’ve been enjoying audiobooks, but find it more difficult to listen to fiction than non-fiction, and so my consumption of published material has been skewed one way for several years.

I decided to break that cycle by returning to one of my pre-teen loves, which I read voraciously: high fantasy, the kind of novels with swords and sorcery right there on the cover, in all their pulpy ‘80s glory. I am a fast reader and can finish a ~250-page novel in an evening, given few interruptions, so long as I am hooked. I was looking for that hook.

I found it! And one other book by the same author, which I thought was high fantasy, but turns out to have a science-fiction, world-hopping backdrop. But I also am now armed with a lot more knowledge of feminist theory and the rise of women’s and feminist fiction* (well, science fiction) during the ‘70s and ‘80s, and so I found myself reading with an eye to the representation of women and a constant feminist narrative analysis going in the back of my brain (don’t be sorry; it was rad as hell). It takes a lot more for me to be satisfied with a narrative these days, and it’s not necessarily any sort of literary snobbery on my part, although I do consider myself to have higher standards now. I will read the pulpiest genre fic that I can find, but I will only truly recommend it if I find something redeeming in it - and not just plot and characters. I’m looking for a specific kind of feminist philosophy in the narrative.

Seems like a lot to ask from genre fiction, right? But to me (and to scholars in the entire discipline of English literature going back centuries), stories aren’t just stories: they’re vehicles embodying cultural attitudes and messages about the way the world works. Even a hastily-written piece of flash fiction will still contain the author’s biases and worldview in it, from the characters, the plot, and down to the words they choose to use (or avoid). Science fiction are stories (often) told in the future, but they are actually about present issues; fantasy are likewise stories (often) told in the past, but they reflect the author’s (and audience’s) view of and struggles within the present.**

And so I couldn’t help thinking, as I was reading, about my thesis’s second chapter, which was all about gender and post-apocalyptic science fiction during feminism’s second wave, because I think there’s a fair amount of those conclusions which are cross-applicable to fantasy from the same period.*** Not to put too fine a point on it, but post-apocalyptic sf is itself a fantastical narrative, and though it’s not “fantasy” as we think of the genre, it certainly draws from some of the same imaginative sources.

Some background

I’m gonna try to keep this brief, not least because others have written on it better and more comprehensively. In 17th century Europe, the Western scientific enterprise as we know it today was coalescing, and unfortunately for all subsequent practitioners of science, the values of 17th century European cismales were hard-coded into the philosophy underpinning the scientific worldview. Hence fun things like scientific racism, eugenics, devaluing animals and nature, and sexism, which keeps cropping up throughout the subsequent centuries, and is also what I’m going to focus on now.

You know what else was happening in 17th century Europe? Witch hunts. I’ll spare you a history lesson about it but in short, that’s the background cultural context of what was going on at the time. The milieu of misogyny, you might say. Carolyn Merchant, who wrote a pretty foundational ecofeminist text tracing this history, points to the writings of Francis Bacon as instrumental in advocating for “the control of nature for human benefit” in which he “used the language of nature as female to articulate an experimental philosophy that would extract nature's secrets.” (ENVIRONMENTALISM: FROM THE CONTROL OF NATURE TO PARTNERSHIP, 4).

Merchant argues that scientific discourse about nature codified the gender of nature as a female to be exploited, inviting abusive interrogation much in the same way as a torture victim on trial for witchcraft; her link between women’s persecution and the ramping-up of the exploitation of nature is echoed by socialist ecofeminists such as philosopher Val Plumwood in articulating the fundamentally misogynist underpinnings of a rationalist economics system that glorifies a separation of (masculine) intellectual reason from denigrated (feminine) bodily situatedness. Thus developed a scientific ethic that saw no problem with manipulation and use of the earth to satisfy scientific curiosity and capitalist gain within a patriarchal system of society.

Still with me? The female-nature connection in western culture is actually a lot older than 17th century, but before the industrial revolution there was emphasis on the mystery and power of nature and the life-giving capacity of women, which inspired respect or, at least, fond feelings for a “Mother Nature”. This crops up a lot in a lot of fantasy narratives, by the way, since most of them are set in a pre-industrialized past and also in some post-apocalyptic sf that assumes a catastrophe of some sort will set humanity back a millennia or two and with it will come this older worldview. Merchant argues that this older attitude served as a “cultural constraint” on the actions of human beings, since “[o]ne does not readily slay a mother, dig into her entrails for gold or mutilate her body” (Death 3). The advent of the industrial era and of scientific inquiry was made possible not just by advances in technology but in a philosophical shift in attitude to view feminine nature as inviting—and deserving—of violation by scientific and technological enterprises - which were, of course, male-coded.

Feminist critiques of (old) feminist fantasies

These two different attitudes - let’s call them the science fiction (post-17th century) and fantasy (pre-17th century) attitudes - aren’t as different as they might seem at first glance. Both adhere to an essentialist logic that is hierarchical, valuing “masculine civilization/culture” as inherently superior to “feminine nature.” I’m just going to mostly quote my thesis in the next two paragraphs here:

Essentialism understands “the feminine” as a repository of unchanging truths, determining substances, and ground of being, quite literally: it holds the historical European cultural conflation of women and nature as truth, and radical feminist political thought (and many feminist utopian fantasies) of the 1970s leaned into this binary, but flipped the moral hierarchy. Publications such as Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism (1978) and Starhawk’s The Spiral Dance (1979), for example, embraced the identification of non-human nature and the feminine, celebrating the power of chthonic forces, the moon, fertility, and historical goddess worship. Radical, goddess, and other essentialist feminisms drew on deep ecology, following the same binary logic as Francis Bacon did, but reversing the moral weighting, holding the “male” forces of civilization, culture, and science as bad, or at least incredibly sus, given their collaboration with/outright endorsement of the systematic oppression/torture of women and the earth, if not the very reason for women’s suffering. Ciswomen’s bodies, traditionally the reason for their exclusion from cismale-only spiritual and intellectual spheres, were instead celebrated by some feminists as the ground of human life and part of the mystery of creation itself. ***

Feminist community based on an essentialist notion of cisfemale experience was and is a fantasy that, in addition to being violently exclusionary to trans and genderqueer persons and invested in creating and maintaining a distance between ciswomen and all others, at base replicates the same power structures that fuel patriarchal ideology, only with the values reversed. There is still a hierarchy in place, a flipped version of the fantasy attitude: there is the same conflation of women with nature and its consequent essentialist logic. Female empowerment is crucial to the realization of women’s full humanity, but its celebration at the expense of others leads directly to an ideology of exclusion, perpetuating the structures of oppression that make it necessary for female empowerment in the first place.

For example, some questions that bubble up when I encounter certain stories ask things like, Is this lady knight actually a strong female character, or a vehicle for a male power fantasy with a ciswoman subbed in and nothing else changed? Is this story about a witch/sorceress/magick-user main character really compelling, or is it subject to tropes from both the science fiction and fantasy attitudes, so she is either an evil conniving force to be subjugated (or romanced, depending on flavour) or a mystical feminine cipher in touch with the natural world…. or both? Both happens a lot.

In my thesis, I have a whole paragraph following those paragraphs on essentialism to disclaim that I’m not dissing the enormous contributions of many writers to fantasy whose works completely upended the hierarchical gender binary, boldly challenged gender roles, and stomped all around a genre that up until the ‘70s was almost exclusively made up of male writers. I’m convinced that we’re politically and socioculturally in those authors’ debt! I’m just skeptical of the fantasy genre because of the abovementioned history of the fantasy attitude. In my view, it takes an author who has an attitude (fantasy OR science fiction) that is consciously disloyal to its own roots in essentialist, sexist nonsense to write a narrative that isn’t fundamentally regressive.

Moar, tho…

It’s nice to fantasize about a world where the people whose gender that we identify with are pedestalized, taken care of, comforted, respected, given the benefit of the doubt, empowered, etc. Especially in this day and age when the demands of neoliberalism and late-stage capitalism pile up into an exhausting, overwhelming, threatening force against which it feels impossible to stand alone. Escaping into a world where powerful women are actually respected and can make tangible change in the world (through politics, or magic, or swinging a big sword around) is pretty great.

But it’s not wrong to demand more of our narratives. It’s not wrong to be critical of something that you love (I often joke that it’s the things that I love most that get the most harsh criticism). It’s not wrong to ask that the stories that I read articulate a non-binary, non-hierarchical society that people of all genders can move freely in, instead of being expected to act a certain way (and punished if they don’t perfectly conform).***** Flipping the gender hierarchy just isn’t enough anymore and isn’t even all that feminist, in the end.

In any case, I can highly recommend the work of CJ Cherryh; I think even thirty-five-odd years on, it still holds up because of the way she writes her characters, regardless of gender or age, as human beings and not essentialist tropes. I’m not surprised she won the Hugo, multiple times. She seems to have an underlying philosophy that values humans for who they are, not who they are supposed to be dependent on their predetermined roles in society.

What are some fantasy novels you would recommend? I’m not a huge short-story reader, and I’m a fan of wordplay and have spent the last eight years or so thinking about novels written by and for people living in the 1950s-80s. I need some good contemporary stuff! Or perhaps there are classics I am missing out on? Let me know in the comments!

PS: I’m indebted to the works of Donna Haraway, Celia Åsberg, Myra Hird, Helen Merrick, Élisabeth Vonarburg, Joanna Russ, Carolyn Merchant, Lisa Hogeland, and way too many others to list for influencing the direction of my ruminations here. Any issues are a result of my taking research on historical Canadian SF and bending it to apply to fantasy. ___

*They aren’t the same. It’s akin to assuming all Jewish people are Zionists. One is an identity category, the other a political one.

**Caveat: I’m not saying authors of sff sit down and are like “ah yes what issue griefing me right now am i going to put into this book” - it’s usually a subconscious thing. Sometimes authors do that! But it’s rare.

***Again, they aren’t the same: I’m not a scholar of fantasy, merely an observant fan who has a bit of a scholarly background in another genre literature.

**** This attitude is alive and well today in the politics of trans-exclusive radical feminists (TERFs), a subgroup of radical feminists whose reification of biological essentialism leads them to deny trans peoples’ identities. Fuck TERFs. Their philosophical worldview is warped.

******It’s also not wrong to love something even though it’s Problematic (tm), or just want to turn your brain off with a fluffy read. So long as you’re self-aware.

[gtsuniverse]

Epic Hardcore Wrestling Match

The episode kicks off with an unexpected turn of events. Grim, the host, is confronted by multiple wrestlers, accusing each other of being Uncle Rowdy, a disruptive character feared for his interference in matches. The confusion among the wrestlers is palpable, setting the tone for the ensuing drama.

The Legend of Uncle Rowdy Uncle Rowdy is the shadowy figure everyone is talking about. His interference is dreaded by everyone, including the legendary YouTube Champion Jungle Jim, the rad dad Rad dad, and Tanner Wilson. The wrestlers decide to take matters into their own hands, vowing to hunt Uncle Rowdy down and ensure a fair match.

The Hunt Begins Radley and Jim head into the woods, determined to track down Uncle Rowdy. The tension builds as Grim follows them, flashlight in hand, documenting the eerie adventure. They encounter bizarre characters like Cousin Billy, adding to the surreal nature of the quest.

The Heroes of the Night Rad dad and Jim manage to confront Uncle Rowdy, leading to a chaotic brawl in the woods. Despite the confusion and the mysterious appearances of characters like Uncle Bill, they manage to thwart any potential interference, ensuring that the upcoming solid steel series match remains fair.

Training and Family Values Amidst the chaos, the episode takes a heartfelt turn as Dad shares his journey of returning to his family and starting the Belmont family wrestling gym. This segment highlights the dedication and hard work that goes into wrestling, emphasizing the importance of family support.

The Solid Steel Series: A Battle for Honor The focus shifts back to the main event – the solid steel series. Jungle Jim and Rad Dad, despite their rivalry, share a mutual respect and commitment to a fair fight. The stakes are high, as Tanner Wilson’s career is on the line, and everyone is determined to ensure Uncle Rowdy doesn’t interfere.

Chaos in the Ring Enter the wildest part of the episode, featuring a match between Tarzan and the infamous cocaine character. The match is a whirlwind of high-flying moves, unexpected twists, and comedic undertones. Cocaine, with his over-the-top antics, brings a unique flavor to the ring, but the intensity of the match remains unyielding.

The Flying Coke Line and the Powder Bomb Cocaine’s high-energy performance, including moves like the flying coke line and the powder bomb, keeps the audience enthralled. The match is a spectacle of outrageous stunts and wrestling prowess, epitomizing the hardcore style that GTS is known for.

The GTS Hardcore Championship The episode crescendos with Jimmy Controversy’s fierce defense of his GTS Hardcore Championship. Facing a formidable opponent in Tarzan, the match is brutal, featuring solid steel weapons, flaming knees, and relentless aggression.

Jimmy’s Inner Conflict Amidst the physical battle, Jimmy faces personal demons, accentuated by Grim’s taunts and accusations of infidelity. This psychological warfare adds another layer to the already intense match, making Jimmy's victory all the more significant.

The Aftermath The episode concludes with Jimmy issuing a challenge to some of the biggest names in hardcore wrestling, including Nick Gage and Joey Janela. His defiant stance and unwavering determination set the stage for future confrontations, promising more electrifying episodes ahead.

[hahahahawk]

It’s my birthday. I’m 39. It doesn’t feel great.

I loved getting older until about 4 years ago.

The relief of growing into myself in my early and mid 30s was awesome. I was taking charge of my identity and my life. Getting out of my 20s was EXCELLENT.

But my birthday puts me in ‘annual review’ mode. I’ve been unemployed for a bit over a year. The first half was all sabbatical mode, so enjoyable, but the job hunt since then has been demoralizing and incredibly stressful.

Even though I’m now in the retraining process, there’s still a lot of uncertainty about my future.

It sucks to say “the lack of a job is why I’m not enjoying my birthday”, but it feels true.

In light of that, it’s easier to let go of that stress for a day of kicking around and enjoying the good bits of my life (partner, nice place to live, chatting with rad pals)

[tvrningout-archived]

time to talk about why it took a while for paige and her mom to settle down! tw for death mention of a parental figure, guilt over said death, and general angst!

the decision to settle down somewhere for paige to study at a college was something of a struggle. mrs. sanders became focused on hunting down her husband’s killer, then with maintaining order among the supernatural and those unaware; paige never spoke up about what she wanted, and it never occurred to her mother that her daughter’s wants might be different from her own. she was more concerned with keeping paige safe, even if it seemed the opposite when they'd confront some nasty individuals. better they confront them together rather than paige run into them alone one day, right? 

and there always seemed to be an excuse to put off the discussion, whether it was a new threat or supposed bad timing. in truth, paige felt guilty about wanting to do something for herself, like it was wrong to move on despite the YEARS she and her mother spent searching and fighting. she still feels guilty about it, even if she knows her father would want her to move on, go to school, have a life. after all, her parents originally wanted to get away from the dangerous part of the supernatural community -- the part she and her mother had been neck deep into.

but paige has never stopped blaming herself for her father’s death. her mother never blamed her, has made that abundantly clear, and yet!! paige can’t get past it!! and it holds her back, keeps her from making any real decisions about her future. though she won’t say it out loud, paige isn’t entirely sure she deserves to have a life when her father didn’t get to have his.

paige would be hard-pressed to talk about this stuff bc talking about her feelings? very not rad, very icky! but someone needs to knock some sense into her noggin pls and thanks <3

[hangezoeenthusiast]

You failed me

multiple x gn!reader

word count: 2,524

warnings: cursing, yelling, arguing, death, angst, blood, explosion, the egg (it deserves its own warning)

synopis: you guys failed me(us)

(the lyrics go with each person, might not get everyone, and also xd’s part is kinda wonky)

song: rät by penelope scott

I come from scientists and atheists and white men who kill God They make technology, high quality, complex physiological Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good They taught me everything, just like a daddy should

Quackity, Karl, George, and Sapnap left you. Your mentors, your friends. The ones who taught you everything you knew. They went to build their little “Kinoko Kingdom” while you stayed in the ruins, the dust. “They’ll regret that.” you swore. You built something better, something greater.

It was called “Las Nevadas”. A place where everyone was allowed. They would remember not to fuck with you. They would soon realize that they should watch their back for the rest of their short, stupid lives.

“Watch out, you guys, I'm watching your every move.”

And you were beautiful and vulnerable and power and success God damn, I fell for you, your flamethrowers, your tunnels, and your tech I studied code because I wanted to do something great like you And the real tragеdy is half of it was true

Wilbur majorly fucked up. He was supposed to be with you to the end, your guys’ country, right? No. He left you behind. He went to find peace, find his heaven, while you stayed on earth, wallowing away until your flesh seeped off your rattling bones, rotting away by yourself, with no one to bare witness.

“Why didn’t you bring me with you Wilbur?” you asked his stupid grave on top of the once L’Manburg. “Why did you get the ecstasy, why do I get the remains?”

“I’m coming for you Wilbur, and when I do, we are going to wreck upon justice on everyone who wronged us, wronged you, they will feel our wrath.”

But we've been fuckin' mеan, we're elitist, we're as flawed as any church And this faux-rad West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I trusted you, it tastes like Thomas Malthus Your proposal is immodest and insane And I hope someday Selmers rides her fuckin' train

"Y/n!" Technoblade yelled. "I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU BETRAYED ME, FOR WHAT, TO BLOW UP A STUPID COUNTRY, A COUNTRY THAT WAS DOOMED TO FAIL FROM THE START." He started to battle you, missing every single swing, blinded by fury.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.”

"LOOK AT ME GODDAMN IT."

You looked up at him in the eyes and boldly said, "No, Techno, don’t you see, you’re in the wrong here, you’re the one who betrayed me." You were blinded by friendship, you couldn’t see that Tommy had betrayed Techno, and that what the Butcher Army did to Techno was terrible.

"What do you mean Y/n, you know what they did, they wronged me, they used me, they tortured me, they gave me hell, so I gave it back to them, I destroyed the things they loved, the people they loved, you see Y/n, those who have treated me with kindness I will repay that kindness tenfold, and those who treat me with injustice, that use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends, I shall repay that injustice a thousand times over, do you understand?"

"No I don't, Techno, you can't do this.” you begged. He pushed you out of the way, "Get out of my way Y/n." “No, I won’t, I won’t let you destroy everything we worked for.”

“Well, then I have to fight you.”

And thus the battle began, Swords clashing against each other, blood spilling from open wounds, friends digging each other into a whole both of them couldn’t get out of. Techno was letting you off easy, he knew his strength, he knew that he could’ve beaten you in one swipe, but he didn’t want to kill you.

So when you had the opportunity, you swept from under his feet, and knocked him down. You placed your blade onto his neck, pressing down until a little drop of blood appeared, “Stay down Technoblade, or I’ll do something worse than try to put you on trial.”

He watched as you walked away from him, trying to save L’Manberg from a worst fate than death itself.

“One day Y/n, you’ll see, I’m on your side.”

I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I feel so stupid, and so used I feel so used

"Why would you do that Dream? You didn't have to do that." you interrogated. Dream had stupidly blew up the community house. You both didn't plan that, he had gone behind your back. "I had to Y/n, you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I don't understand, you went against my back, we were supposed to-" you cut off yourself, "Dream, don't you understand, you did something stupid, and what did you get, you got stupid jail." "The reason I did that is because I needed to isolate myself from humanity." he said, proudness lacing his words.

"What do you mean?" you questioned. "If anyone knows I can revive people, I'm screwed, so that's why I need to be by myself, yeah it sucks major ass, but at least no one else will know, well, besides you anyways." "I have a task for you Y/n/n, I need you to find a way to bring Tommy and Ghostbur in here."

"Why Dream?"

"I'm going to revive Wilbur."

I was your baby, your firstborn, the hot girl in your comp-sci class And I was Darwin's prep school dream, bred, born and raised to kick your ass I fell for circuit boards, rocket ships, pictures of the stars If you could only be what you pretend you are

"PHILZA MINECRAFT COME BACK HERE." you were chasing Phil, through the woody forest, covered by oak trees. He had information on Technoblade's whereabouts and you needed it. You chased him with your enchanted netherite armor, netherite sword and axe, and a few op potions. Your goal was to capture Philza and interrogate him on where Techno's place was. The thing was, you were his child. His own child trying to kill his own son.

He felt betrayed, his own child turned against him and their brother, their family. "The Butcher Army must've gotten to you somehow." he thought in his head. Surely, his darling Y/n didn't do it on their own will, right?

He was incorrect, you did it because you believed that Techno needed to be brought to justice, by punishment. You believed that your own sibling needed to die, because he was a "liability" to L'Manberg's growth and future. He needed to die because as long as he would live his long life with his little enderman Edward, retired, he would still cause trouble to everything you, Quackity, Tubbo, Fundy, and Ranboo had built.

He pleaded, "Stop Y/n, you don't have to do this." You argued, "I do Philza, as long as he lives, my plans for L'Manberg will forever cease to exist."

He felt like shit, you called him Philza, not Dadza, or Dad, or anything besides his normal name. "Did I screw something up?" he asked himself quietly under his breath. "Yes you did Phil, you took the traitor's side." you had heard Phil mumble.

"HE'S NOT A TRAITOR." Phil yelled at you. "Yes he is, he deserves what he is about to get, I will say it again, where is his base?"

"I'm not saying, Y/n, why are you doing this, Techno is your own sibling." "He's not my sibling anymore, that stopped when he destroyed L'Manberg, you're lucky I forgived you." you declared.

"Y/n/n, please don't do this."

"I have to Dadza, I can't let him roam free."

When I said take me to the moon, I never meant take me alone I thought if mankind toured the sky, it meant that all of us could go But I don't want to see the stars if they're just one more piece of land For us to colonize, for us to turn to sand

Bad had tried to convice you to join the Eggpire. You had no effect while being next to the egg, and he had to take you out. People who had no effect towards the egg had to be eliminated.

He was creepily following you, waiting until you stopped to get a chance to capture you. He had hope that you did have an effect, that you would join the Egg with him. He didn't want to kill you, you were his best friend, besides Skeppy of course.

"Come back here Y/n." he said. "No chance in hell Bad, get the fuck away from me." "HEY, LANGUAGE!" he exclaimed. "No language, get away from me, you're creeping me out."

He threw his trident, spinning in the air, trying to catch up to your frantic steps. You were trying to get to Church Prime, where no one could kill anyone, hopefully Bad would abide to that rule. You were just about to step on Church Prime when you bumped into a hard, armored chest.

You looked up shyly, and saw Punz, with his red eyes reflecting anger. "Where are you going Y/n?" he questioned. "Somewhere." you blankly stated. You were desperate, you didn't want to die, or anything else that Bad was going to do to you. You tried to dodge Punz, but he placed a hand on your shoulder, "Stay right here Y/n."

"No, get away from me, I don't know what's wrong with all of you, but go away, I don't want anything to do with your stupid Eggpire." He raged, and grabbed your wrist heavily, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THE EGG LIKE THAT, IT WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THE SERVER, AND YOU ALL WILL BE ITS SERVANTS." "LET ME THE FUCK GO PUNZ." you screamed. You were wiggling in his grip, trying to escape his lunatic self.

While he was holding you, you saw two other shadows behind you. It was Antfrost and Bad. "What do you guys want from me, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You are against the Egg Y/n, people who are like you and Tommy have to die."

"Well, I'm not dying today." you murmured under your breath. "What was that you said?" Antfrost asked you.

You smirked, "I'm not dying today, I'll tell you one more time, let go of me."

Bad and Antfrost walked closer to you, Punz right behind you, all of them cornering you into a tight spot. "What you going to do about it Y/n, you're cornered."

"You'll know when they get here, but for now, you better run boys."

'Cause we're so fuckin' mean, we're so elitist, we're as fucked as any church And this bullshit West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I loved you, and why would you lie? And then I realized that you're just as naïve as I am Oh, you're so traumatized it makes me want to cry

"Tubbo, don't do this." Schlatt had unfortunately found out that you were a spy, that you were on Pogtopia's side. He had ordered Tubbo to kill you with fireworks, to light you on fire, give you blisters all over your body. "Please Tubbs, you're my friend." you pleaded.

"I can't Y/n/n, or something worse will happen." he whispered to you. "What do you mean?" you asked. "He can-" he trailed off, looking somewhere else besides your eyes. "Tubbo, you don't have to do what that stupid bastard tells you to do, you're your own person, with your own thoughts and actions."

"I'm sorry Y/n, I hope you can forgive me."

"TUBBO N-" you was cut off by firewords hitting your skin, making blisters and burn marks all over your body. You lost your second canon life, feeling betrayed by Tubbo. He killed you for what, a stupid father who never cared about him in his entire life, a father who exiled his friends that actually treated him like a person, and not like some random piece of trash.

You respawned in your bed, feeling bruises and bumps mostly on your forearms and your back.

"I'll help you Tubbo, I’ll get rid of him.”

You dumb bitch I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I'm so embarrassed, I feel abused

“Come on Y/n/n, come with me.” Punz begged of you. He wanted you to visit the Egg. You didn’t want to be controlled by a stupid omelette. "I'm not Punzo, why are you so obsessed with that stupid thing."

"DON'T SPEAK OF THE EGG LIKE THAT."

You put your hands in front of you, accidentally touching Punz's chest, "Ok calm down buddy." He didn't calm down and instead yelled at you on why you had to join the Eggpire.

"If you join, you will be forever happy."

"If you join you'll get whatever you want."

You were tired of the members of the Eggpire to convince you to join them, you didn't like eggs anyway. "Punz, for the last time, I'm not joining you, stop telling me."

“Then you have to die.”

So fuck your tunnels, fuck your cars, fuck your rockets, fuck your cars again You promised you'd be Tesla, but you're just another Edison 'Cause Tesla broke a patent, all you ever broke were hearts I can't believe you tore humanity apart

“XD!” You were pissed at him, he had destroyed your house, made your friends pissed at you, just everything you liked. All because he wanted you for himself.

He wanted you to be dependent on his every word, and he was being a manipulative psychopath. And you didn’t tolerate that, it was like he was his human counterpart, Dream.

He walked to you with confidence, waiting for to get a hug from you, well, he didn’t get that. You slapped him so hard his head swung to the left.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

“That’s what you get you stupid son of a bitch. You fucking ruined everything.” “Calm down Y/n/n, what is wrong?” He acted concerned, but you knew that he was faking. He would do anything to get someone’s approval.

“DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT’S WRONG, IT’S YOU, YOUR STUPID PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. YOU KEEP ON WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU FUCKING OWN THE PLACE.”

“Calm down darling, just take some netheri-” you interrupted him by slapping the ore out of his hands. “I don’t need jack shit from you XD, you know what, take back the necklace, I don’t want it.” You pulled the shiny, green emerald necklace off your neck, and pulled XD’s palm out.

You placed the necklace filled with memories, and put it on his hand. You closed up his palm, and walked away, leaving XD to his own accord.

“We could’ve had evertything X.”

[milesmentis]

I've been gone for a long time and I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things. Give me an update on how Daren's been doing. How many different timelines and AUs do you currently have and what are they? What's his one (1!) scene/adventure that you personally love the most? What's the one ao3 Daren fic that I just absolutely need to catch up on? What's the thing that makes this character so special for you? A long answer is very welcome ❤️

Daren is doing well - still both my primary OC fixation, tool for self examination, and all around Bestest Boy. I've gotten so much more art of him and Anora kissing, its great! Going to Twitter was generally a hellish experience, but I participated in a lot of ask games and found some really cool mutuals who helped me develop him ever further so thats rad!

Oooh, only picking one scene is tough but I recently wrote some of Alistair and Daren’s escape from Fort Drakon and GODDAMN is it funny! At the start of DAO especially, Daren is really reserved and focused because of his trauma, but closer to end game his sense of humor really comes out. And neither one of them are dumb, per se, but they honestly don't have any common sense either so leaving them without Heulwen to be the brains turns any situation into pure slapstick.

For something actually published, my recommended reading is definitely "Jealous". I wrote it for ZevWarden week last year and I'm super proud of it. Features ballroom dancing, mild espionage, and Daren thinking about his feelings on marriage/romance and how badly he wants to be holding hands with his wife and his lover.

Honestly I think the thing that makes him so special to me is his resilience. In the wake of trauma and regret he still finds a way to keep pushing forward, but he doesn't let it make him cruel: even at his most vindictive or pragmatic, he does everything he does to protect others. I spend a lot of time thinking about his trauma and PTSD bc he helped me to recognize my own trauma symptoms. He is in a lot of ways the ideal of what I strive to be: not perfect, but honorable, loyal, and always trying his best to do the right thing.

As for AUs and timelines ...

The FusionVerse with @galfrey that started off as a fun little AU has definitely become his primary canon in my mind, so much so that people continue to be surprised that he isn't "technically" a Zevmancer. The actual writing is so so slow, but we've plotted out the future trajectory all the way to 9:58 (though of course DA4 is probably going to throw a wrench in all this). This is the universe where he romances Zevran and then marries Anora and Heulwen has an enemies-to-lovers-to-friends-to-partners slowburn relationship with Loghain. Post canon, Daren and Anora have twins (to their great relief) named Gareth and Eleanora and they're a pair of precocious terrors. Heulwen is the official HoF and Warden Commander so she does all the Awakening and Witch Hunt stuff while Daren is in Denerim rebuilding the country with his wife. It's basically the happiest/best possible outcome AU where nobody dies (Alistair even stays in the Wardens and gets a boyfriend: Carver Hawke)

The biggest canon change has been biting the bullet and saying that I wanted Daren to be able to recruit and then kiss Jowan. So he has two "solo canons" actually: the in game version where he was with Leliana and Magnus (my earliest OC) is the Inquisitor, and the "What if" canon where he kissed Jowan and Hallapan Lavellan is my Inquisitor.

Beyond that, there is -

- WardenQuisitor: what if Daren was the sole survivor of the Final Battle and then 10 years later had the misfortune to become Inquisitor? Basically a huge character study about trauma/PTSD and how important it is to have love and support if you hope to heal

- RomoVerse: what if he and Heulwen were star crossed lover's who were pulled apart by circumstance but never fell out of love? It's extremely sad and tender and Daisy keeps coming up with *more au's* where they can actually be together bc they're such a good couple

- ModernAU: exactly what it says on the tin. Daren is a trust fund baby, Anora is a lawyer, and Heulwen and Loghain are negotiating the very complicated power dynamics necessary to have a healthy relationship when there's a large age/social gap

- WardenThrouple: a high drama AU where Daren and Alistair dated during the Blight, Alistair married Anora, and then Heulwen romanced Daren and Loghain. Daren is the Warden Commander, Heulwen his Constable, and Loghain their right hand man. Basically an excuse for them to all kiss in one timeline and give Heulwen two children and no responsibility

- No Blight AU: what if the Blight had actually never really started? What would have happened next? A fun what-if exercise about Ferelden politics and a Second Civil War (basically Couslands and Mac Tir's vs Theirins and Guerrins). Daren is engaged to Anora, but starts falling for Heulwen who escaped from the Circle and it eventually develops into a Heulwen/Daren/Anora throuple. Also features a Jowan who was made Tranquil and an Alistair who finished his Templar training

Phew... there are actually even more, but those are the big ones and the only ones that are actually getting fic or art content are FusionVerse and WardenQuisitor ... the rest are just cool to think about!

Thanks for the ask 💖💖

[echos-newlegs]

Modern!Wrecker as a Country Boy/Redneck head canons:

Here is my one over Echo, I plan on doing the rest later!

These are all based off @spaceydragons original post! Please check out their blog they have some rad ideas 😌💙

Okay so Wrecker would be the aggressive hard-core one of the group

By aggressive I mean "not afraid to get dirty, BUT would not even harm a fly."

He is very soft and isn't too fond of hunting. He loves wildlife too much to hurt it

One time you and him were hiking and he found a baby bunny and nearly started bawling because of how cute it was.

You and him often go on nature walks

If you know a lot about nature and explain things to him about it he will love you for 1000+ years.

He loves hearing your passions

He will pick you up to set you on tree branches for giggles. Unless your scared of heights, then he won't.

Be ready to go mudding because he loves it, with his big truck that can get out of anything because him and Tech customized it.

He will also love you forever if you bake pies

You often have to chase his away from the kitchen while they're cooling(yes, he gets his own pie. We spoil him in this household)

10/10 piggy back rides

Your feet are tired? Piggy back ride

You're sad? Piggy back ride

You're sick? Piggy back ride to the living room if you wanna lay on the couch because he will not let you do anything BUT sleep

Everyone thinks he's well- dumb, but he's actually really smart.

He may not be book smart, but he is street smart

He can fix vehicles like no other

He taught you everything you know about vehicles

Oh, you also better hope you aren't allergic to dogs because he comes home with a new one at least once a month

So be thankful tbb has a lot of land they own

When you two first start dating he's afraid you won't like how rowdy he can get, and how messy he can be, but you don't mind one bit and he loves you for it.

He saw you playing with Omega once and his heart melted. He thought he was going to combust with how adorable it was

Man will eat everything you cook

Even if it's the first time you made something and it didn't turn out great

He doesn't care, he will do anything to see that pretty smile of yours

Idkw but I feel like he asked you out by saying, "wanna be the cowgirl to my cowboy?" And everyone was astounded that 1. He overcame his awkwardness and thought of the line and 2. That you said yes.

Wrecker will never admit he heard Echo use it once at 79s

Wrecker loves picking you flowers, unless you have really bad allergies

Then he refrains and just points out the pretty ones that reminds him of you when you go on your walks.

When the two of you go to town he helps you pick out plants for the garden

He has his own flower garden and you cannot change my mind

But I feel like ladybugs frighten him

He got bit by a cornbug(they look like lady bugs) once when he was younger and it traumatized him

He likes watching the bees, but if they get too close he screams and runs inside

Same with wasps and spiders

Once he was attacked by a Pray Mantis and he has now decided he only likes butterflies and moths

He LOVES lifting you up to help you pick from the fruit trees 🥺🥺

If he sees you struggling to reach. Instead of reaching for you

He also loves swimming with you.

He grabs you by the waist and lifts you up, or sets you on his shoulders.

You often find him walking around with one of your hens under his arm.

He calls himself the chicken whisperer because only he can pick them up without them running away.

The two of you always win at the game chicken against his brothers and the 501st

Only time he's been jealous was when you paid more attention to a dog than you did him on one of his needy days

Other than that he's not really a jealous type. He trusts you

Oh, he also loves tractors and will take you for rides in them

Tractor rides can occasionally get steamy as well iykyk

He has ptsd and nightmares from the war and you are always what calms him

Even just your gentle breaths and presence in his arms while you sleep next to him is enough to calm him down.

He gave Lula to Omega, so for his birthday you made him a Lula 2.0 out of an old dress/shirt of yours and an old flannel of his. The dress/shirt was one of his favorites that you wore, but it was old and ripping so you put it to good use.

If you guys get a place of your own you occasionally steal Omega, and Cuts kids on weekends because you and Wrecker are the best Aunt/Uncle and Uncle

This man will sing to you out of the blue and is a really good singer. I don't make the rules

Man makes you blush after he's been working outside for a while 😳

Oh, you also get to borrow his oversized shirts and flannels

He also will save up money to buy you matching bracelets or necklaces

He would get a locket with you in it so he always has you by his heart 😌

In conclusion. He is a wholesome man, looking for a lover who would get muddy with him.

I could write more but it is currently 1am 😭

I might make another post for more ideas later or just write him a small drabble for wholesome purposes

Tags

@andiebell2023 @kaitou2417 @murdertoothpick

If you want tagged in future posts comment "future tag"!

[ruewrites]

Sky Full of Stars

AO3

Ship: Solomon/Asmo, Diavolo/Lucifer

Word Count: 2675

Warning: None

A/N: Happy Day 7 of Solodeus Week! I decided to combine both of the prompts Stars and Soulmates for today. I had a lot of fun participating and I hope that you all enjoyed! I loved seeing other people's work as well. I hope that this is something that continued to grow in the future! Comments are appreciated!

The posters had been hanging around RAD for months at this point. Tonight, shooting stars would fill the dark Devildom sky. All the students were buzzing about it and the rumor mill was running over time. Who asked out who? Did she really get rejected? Did he really think he had a chance? Did they make things official? Asmo made it his job to know all of the gossip. He had participated in his fair share when it came to rejections. It wasn’t his fault that he was beautiful and that people threw themselves at him because of it!

However, his rejections were coming a little harsher today than they had in days past. And that was due to the fact that the one person he actually wanted to ask him out hadn’t even made a move yet. He’d been pulling out all the stops too! He was spending extra time on his hair, did his make up extra special, and dropped a significant amount of grim on his nails. Yet Solomon seemed completely dense as to what Asmo was angling for.

Tonight was supposed to be a night of romance, the most romantic event of the century even! And he’d be damned if he was going to be left out of it all. What would people say if he, the Avatar of Lust himself, didn’t have a date to the star shower? It would be absolutely humiliating! But he didn’t want just anyone, he wanted Solomon.

Now here he was.

On the last day of classes before the big event.

And Solomon still hadn’t asked him.

Solomon had been locked away in the library, barely even responding to Asmo’s texts if at all. He hadn’t even bothered to have a decent conversation with him! But that wouldn’t stop him. It couldn’t stop him. He was going to spend the most romantic night of his life, with Solomon, alone at the star shower.

At least, that was the plan, until Lucifer gathered them all into the living room.

“What?” Asmo heard his own voice ring in chorus with his brothers.

Lucifer let out a sigh, “Lord Diavolo wants us all to meet so we can enjoy the stars together and before any of you can ask, no, you can’t get out of it. This is a mandatory event that we all will be attending together.”

Normally, Asmo would love attending one of Lord Diavolo’s little parties, but this wasn’t one of those normal times. So much for him having a romantic night alone with Solomon under the stars. Now he would be spending this wonderful night alone with his brothers.

To make matters worse, he had no doubt that Diavolo would be showering Lucifer with affection all night. Even if Lucifer was flustered and trying to change the subject, it would still be completely unfair. Asmo should be getting attention like that from Solomon. Instead he’d be watching Diavolo fawn over Lucifer all night and contemplating how he was going to explain that he hadn’t had a date.

He was a little more than crestfallen walking into the palace. He was more than prepared to wallow in his own pity the whole night until a familiar voice caressed his ear.

“-I mean, are you sure Barbatos?”

“Most certainly. I’d bet almost anything on it.”

Asmo’s head shot up. Solomon was deep in a conversation with Barbatos, the two didn’t seem to notice that the brothers had walked in yet. He would have gone over to him, but Asmo was completely caught off guard. By the time his mind had processed the situation before him, more figures were already greeting them.

“Oh, Simeon,” Lucifer said, “I didn’t realize you all would be here too.”

“Lord Diavolo thought it would be a wonderful idea if we all got together to enjoy the stars together. Luke was really excited to see them, and I thought it sounded like a marvelous idea.”

By the time Asmo looked back, both Solomon and Barbatos were gone.

***

So far, the night was going exactly how Asmo predicted it would. Lord Diavolo had whisked Lucifer away, not allowing him escape from whatever ministrations he had planned. Solomon should be paying attention to him like that now. He should be lavishing him in endless praise and adoration. Instead he was off who knows where with another one of their pact mates most likely. He slumped down into his seat, picking at whatever food was currently sitting in front of him. He wasn’t interested in eating. He wasn’t interested in doing too much of anything really.

“Asmodeus?” he hadn’t even realized Simeon sliding into the chair next to him, “Are you quite alright?”

Asmo looked at him for a moment before returning his attention to… whatever it was on his plate. “Oh just peachy. I love my partner ignoring me. All week. Not inviting me out to gaze at the beautiful stars falling from the sky. Like every other couple at RAD. It’s a wonderful feeling.”

Was he being passive aggressive?

Yes.

Simeon cleared his throat and shifted in the seat next to him ever so slightly. He seemed a little taken aback by Asmo’s response. “Well, that uh… Certainly sounds like… Something,” how ironic it was that a writer was struggling to find his words, “In any case, would you like to accompany me?”

Asmodeus stopped playing with the food on his plate and slowly turned to Simeon with a raised eyebrow. “Accompany you?” he repeated, “Where?”

“Oh, you know… Around.”

This had to be one of the most painfully awkward conversations that he had ever had in his entire life if not the most painful. Simeon was still fidgeting in his seat and adjusting the high collar on his neck. He looked over to Lucifer’s blushing face as Diavolo rattled off yet another list of praises to him. Asmo couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he didn’t need to. His feelings would still be the same.

It was Solomon’s own fault that he wasn’t spending time with him.

“Alright then,” Asmo stood from his seat with a little more force than what was necessary, “Let’s go somewhere.”

***

Simeon led Asmo away from the crowd and down the long halls of the palace. Eventually they were in the palace gardens. And then they went deeper, and deeper, and deeper. If the castle hadn’t been so tall, Asmo surely would have lost sight of it. They walked for a little while longer in silence until they came to a wrought iron gate. To Asmo’s surprise, Barbatos was standing next to that gate.

“Good evening Asmodeus. Enjoying yourself so far?” he asked.

“Well, I- … No.”

“I see. Well I hope your night gets better,” he moved so that he was in front of the gate, and in one swift motion and a click of the lock it was open, “At this point we both will be leaving. Do enjoy yourself.”

Asmodeus was confused. Actually, confused may have been a severe understatement. But he still walked through, even as the door clicked shut behind him.

Beautiful flowers dotted the bushes on either side of him. The hedge walls twisted and turned leading him down the path under the light of the moon. Slowly, the trail widened leading him up a hill, and the scene certainly took him by surprise.

Solomon was there, a telescope behind him as he fidgeted with what Asmo assumed were last minute details. There was a blanket, a basket, and flowers in a vase in the center. At the sound of his footsteps, Solomon lifted his head and a smile spread across his face. Quickly he stood and made his way down to meet Asmo halfway. His arms were out wide for him but instead of running and embracing him, Asmo stopped right in front of him with his hands on his hips.

“Excuse me. Exactly what were you thinking?” Asmo asked.

Solomon stopped and blinked once, twice. “I- What?”

“You heard me,” Asmo huffed and leaned back, “You. Didn’t. Ask. Me. To. Come. Out. With. You. Tonight. I’d been waiting for you too since the posters came out Solomon! And you just never did! Do you have any idea how many people kept trying to get me to go with them? How many people I turned down? I just-” He let out a groan of frustration, throwing his hands onto his face. A small part of him was relieved, but he was also incredibly frustrated.

“Well, I mean, Diavolo was planning on asking all of us to come so,” Solomon gestured to the scene behind him, “I figured we’d both be here anyways.”

“I didn’t know that!” Asmo exclaimed, “Lucifer didn’t tell us! We were going until Friday! And he didn’t seem to know that all of you were even going to be here! I just-! Do you have any idea how much stress you caused me? If I get wrinkles I will hunt you down.”

Solomon laughed and put a hand on the small of Asmo’s back, leading him up to the blanket. “I apologize Asmodeus, I didn’t realize,” he stopped and took ahold of Asmo’s hands, kneeling on the ground and tugging him to follow, “I got so caught up in preparing all of this that the idea you might want me to ask slipped my mind. I figured it was a given we’d spend the night together.”

Oh. Oh Solomon was smooth with his tongue. Of course he was, he could be when he wanted to be. He could either be smooth and sexy or a complete fool who loved to make Asmo laugh. And what could he say? Whatever he was doing was absolutely working. He followed him down onto the blanket and folded his knees behind him.

“Look up,” Solomon said, pulling Asmo close and looking up at the sky, “You can see a couple, they just started not too long ago. You can see them from here, the telescope is just in case we want to get a closer look.”

Asmo nodded and snuggled closer to Solomon. He was quiet for a moment before speaking, “Did you really spend all your time planning this?”

“Well most of the time,” Solomon asked, “I did have to sleep at some point you know.”

Asmo snorted and elbowed his side. Solomon’s response was to bury his nose into Asmo’s hair.

The stars started to pick up in the sky. They started coming in twos, then threes, until the entire sky was lit up with their beauty. Neither one of them spoke, instead they stared up at the beauty above them and relished in each other's company.

“You know, I never really believed in the concept of soulmates,” Solomon said, his hand running up and down Asmo’s arm, “The idea never really seemed plausible to me. I mean one person being out there for everyone? Everyone in all three realms? It seemed far-fetched really. But then-”

“But then?”

“I met you,” Solomon’s voice was soft, adoring. It made Asmo feel warm, “And my perspective changed. I thought, perhaps it could be possible. I used to think of humans alone when I thought of soulmates. One human for one human. But perhaps, soulmates could be a human and a demon.”

Solomon kissed the top of his head and relaxed once again into his embrace. Asmo mulled over his words.

Soulmates.

Did he believe in soulmates?

The idea was incredibly romantic, but what truly was a soulmate?

Asmo turned his attention away from the sky to stare at Solomon. He took in his features, his eyes, his cheek bones, his strong jawline, his nose. All of them were seared into Asmo’s mind, and when he thought about them, his heart fluttered. He knew the unconditional love that came with Solomon, and every little thing about him always brought him back to that fact. Every little moment they shared, every kiss, every breath was intertwined with a silent ‘I love you’, a silent promise.

What they had together was an unspoken promise, something that just was and always would be.

Under the starlight, Asmo moved to look up at Solomon. No words were spoken between them. They moved closer together.

Under the starlight they were one.

One body.

One mind.

One single soul adrift out at sea.

Every touch lit Asmo ablaze, every little movement struck him deep within his core, every kiss on his skin was a mark on a well memorized road map.

It wasn’t till long after the display had finished, that the two of them were making their way back to the castle still all too tangled up in eachother, but also trying to fix their clothes. Asmo knew that Lucifer knew as soon as he stepped inside. His brother took one look at both him and Solomon, taking note of their clothing and narrowed his eyes.

Oh Asmo could already hear the lecture that he'd brought upon himself, and he could only imagine what choice words Lucifer had in store for Solomon. Lucifer didn’t like the relationship, but he also didn’t know Solomon like Asmo did. He offered Lucifer a little wave before taking Solomon’s arm and walking off to a table together.

“Before I forget, I have one more thing for you,” Solomon said, pushing Asmo’s chair in, “I just-”

Asmo felt Solomon slip something into both of his ears, and when he sat down, he held up his D.D.D. so that Asmo could see. Two of the most gorgeous earrings Asmo had ever seen now rested gently in his ears. They sparkled and glittered down from the studs in his ears. And the studs… They had a moving image in them, a scene that looked oh so familiar.

“I had the telescope set up for another reason aside from getting a closer look at the stars.” Solomon started, “I wanted you to have that scene with you forever. I’d been working on a spell to capture it the moment I learned this was going to happen.”

“I love it,” Asmo breathed, gently touching the earrings as he admired them in Solomon’s camera. Solomon grabbed his hand once again and squeezed.

Soulmates.

Maybe Asmo did believe in the word after all.

He didn’t care who was around them or who saw. Asmo leaned in and kissed Solomon’s lips. He could already see his cheeks and the tips of his ears turning red, Solomon didn’t pull away. Instead he ran his hands up and down Asmo’s arms, indulging his partner in the kiss.

Asmo had never been happier than when he’d been with Solomon.

Soulmates.

Solomon always made his days.

Soulmates.

He filled his skies full of stars.

Soulmates.

It was hard not to see stars when he was with him.

Soulmates.

The word continued to ring out in Asmo’s mind. Perhaps Solomon had been made for him. Perhaps this had been planned from the beginning. But he didn’t care, because either way, Solomon was his, and he was Solomon’s

When they pulled away from the kiss, Asmo swore he saw thousands of shooting stars in Solomon’s eyes. Thousands of his wishes were constantly being fulfilled by the man before him. He leaned into Solomon’s arms from his chair, resting his head on his chest and letting the gentle thump of his heartbeat lull him into a sense of security. Solomon’s hands roamed over his body, visiting places he had long visited before.

Soulmates.

This human was his, and he would always be his.

If anyone from the newspaper club was here, they could take all the pictures that their little hearts could desire. Everyone he turned down should know the wonderful man that deserved him. They could all say what they wanted, but it didn’t matter, because Solomon held his heart and he held Solomon’s.

Solomon lit up his sky with stars, and in the end, that was all that mattered.

[agent-yolk-writes]

You're My Dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie! (Diavolo & Reader)

Ever wanted to call Diavolo your dad? No? Well too bad, I have the perfect fic for you down below!

AO3 Version Here!

If you like my writing, please let me know! My inbox is empty and it's hungry for OM content.

Bold = Diavolo's text

Italicized and Indented = MC's text

Like every natural disaster, it came without a warning.

It started off like every other day. Wake up, go to RAD, do student council duties, go home, sleep, repeat. Of course, there would be an occasional (read: frequent) occasion outside of the standard norm, but today was not one of those times.

“Here you go!” You handed Diavolo your latest finished report. “I’ve even separated the approved and rejected request forms and sorted them alphabetically for easier reading.” You said proudly. Sure enough, the Prince quickly thumbed through one of the piles and made a noise in his throat that sounded positive.

Next thing you know, he gives you one of his iconic smiles. “Excellent work as always, MC.” He tells you. “Your help is always appreciated! Thanks to you, we’ve made a tremendous dent in all this paperwork. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

The praise he was pouring on you felt so good. You try not to visibly react to it, but your brain dumped a massive pool of serotonin from his words alone. Hell, you can even feel your cheeks warming up. It always felt good to be praised by your peers, but there was something about the way Diavolo praises you that fuels you to work hard for the next one. While you were chasing that high and not wanting to be rude you simply replied with,

“Thanks, dad.”

And all of Devildom seemed to freeze over. You could hear Lucifer’s pen dropping to the floor behind you while Mammon choked on something somewhere else in the room. There were no sounds of papers being written or even talking. All eyes landed on you as the reality of what you said started to sink in.

Oh fuck, did you call the Prince of Literal Hell your Dad? Well, he’s such a huge guy and acts almost exactly like those kind-hearted fathers you always see on social media in your realm. It doesn’t help that your actual dad kinda sucks, so maybe this is projection at work. Sadly, the damage has already been done. You could see Diavolo’s face turn from confusion to amusement in a matter of seconds.

“I...I…” Your already red face got darker when you heard the faint snickering coming from Barbatos. Fearing that your rapid heart bursting through your chest, you can only manage to squeak a “Bye!” Before dashing out of the building and out of the academy.

So here you are, holed up in your honorary room at Purgatory Hall while your D.D.D. continues to blow up on the nightstand next to the bed. You couldn’t go back to the HOL, not immediately at least. You felt so embarrassed that you called your housemates’s semi-boss your father.

At least the residents at Purgatory Hall understood your human err. Solomon did give you some shit about it, but that was a given because, well, it’s Solomon. If he wasn’t teasing you about this, then you would have bigger fish to fry in Hell. Simeon was the most sympathetic person about your current predicament while Luke was just happy that you’re hanging out for a few hours. He can complain about the demons later.

You just hope this shitshow cools down soon. Maybe a nap will calm you down.

~

Hours have passed. Still afraid to look at your phone, your only indicator of time passing was Simeon coming up to your room with a tray of tonight’s dinner with a side dish almost overflowing with cookies courtesy of Luke. Bless these angels, both of them.

And sure enough, your phone stopped vibrating non-stop. Before you could deduce that the battery died, a singular buzz proved otherwise. Damn it.

Still, you couldn’t avoid the brothers forever. They’ll probably kick up another storm of messages since you haven’t replied to them initially. With a defeated sigh, you grabbed your phone and unlocked it. Let's see...143 messages in the HOL+Royals group chat, 103 messages in the HOL group chat, 87 messages from Mammon, 15 messages from Asmo, 10 messages from Lucifer, 5 messages from Levi, 1 message from Satan, 2 messages from Diavolo-

...2 messages from Diavolo. Sent a minute ago. Welp, no use avoiding him either since he’s the sole reason you’re even in Hell in the first place.

MC! Are you alright? You sure ran out of the room quite fast. I didn’t know humans could reach those speeds.

I apologize if I offended you somehow.

With a big gulp, you started writing back.

im okay! Hunkering down at Purgatory atm

if anything, I should be apologizing to you lol

Five minutes passed before he texted back.

That’s good to hear! (smiling devimoji)

Hopefully the brothers haven’t bothered you too much from this.

you have no idea.

(gurgle devimoji)

I have to say, you certainly caused a stir. I couldn’t help but wonder about something.

MC, do you see me as a father figure?

uh, no? If anything, I see you as a bother figure

cuz your always bothering me

God damn you, brain! Think before you speak for fuck’s sake! Quick, do something that'll lessen the blow!

lol

Nailed it!

(hehe devimoji)

I see.

I have been called many things, good and bad, because of my position. Being called dad is a new one.

It’s certainly not...unpleasant.

He’s going to kill you at this rate. You know he will.

ill make sure not to do it again. sorry chief

tho im sure i caused a riot during the meeting

No worries!

And you left it like that. Your mind was pulling blanks on how to respond. You could figure it out as you reply to the others, but you really don’t have the mental fortitude to face them now that Diavolo is embracing his new moniker happily.

And of course, think about the demon prince and he shall appear. Again. What he sent made you groan into your pillow.

How about this weekend we can talk about what human fathers normally do over some sandwiches and tea?

...that sounds nice

Great! Looking forward to it!

(smiling devimoji)

Even though this whole ordeal was embarrassing, you couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of your future meetup. While your actual dad had no redeemable qualities about him, there were always memes.

Curling up in your bed, you begin your hunt across the Demon Web with a VPN that lets you access human websites in order to bring your A-Game this weekend.

Maybe this turned out to be a good thing, after all.