#hugging him helps me not pick at my skin or bite my nails

[crimalwx]

someone complimented my foxy plushie at school today :D

[disneyprincemuke]

best years * fem!driver

growing up in a predominantly male environment, she only ever had two friends she could count on. this is what it was like growing up with oscar and logan.

pairings: oscar piastri x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver

warnings: -

notes: this was so hard to write for no reason

(series masterlist) | (📂 pre-formula 1)

2013

she leans against the wall behind her, fingers nervously picking at the skin around her nails. she’s the only girl in yet another karting race.

around her are countless boys excitedly greeting their friends, some of whom they have not seen in months from the long break. they would only spare her a quick glance before forming their own circles and talking amongst themselves.

she simply sighs and fishes for her phone in her back pocket. she will just pretend to text blythe, who is all the way back home, hours from where she is.

sure, she had plenty of girl friends from karting when she was growing up. but amidst puberty and coming into their own, her friends had simply moved on to other hobbies and interests — one that didn’t involve pouring your heart and soul onto the race track.

so there she stands, all by herself in the corner.

she feels a presence next to her, prompting her to lift her head. there stands a boy with sandy brown hair and his arms folded over his chest. who she will come to later know as oscar. but not just yet.

beside him is another boy, bright blue eyes with dirty blonde hair. they’re engaged in a conversation, paying no mind to the girl sending several messages to her younger sister without a response.

“okay, gather up, please!”

she would wind up making it into the top 30 that race.

“hey, you made it into top 30!” her mother engulfs her in a tight hug and sways side by side. “i’m so proud of you! you did so well!”

“thank you,” she giggles, pulling back slightly to catch some air. her hand reaches around the older woman’s body to wipe the sweat from her top lip. “are we still getting pizza after this?”

her father laughs, throwing his head back. “you never forget a promise, kid.”

“of course!” she cheers, jumping up as she claps her hands. “can i get a hawaiian pizza?”

“absolutely,” her mother beams, squeezing her on the chin followed by another hug.

she sighs and throws her head back, appreciating the sun that barely burns her skin. she scratches her head and gathers up her hair to pull it into a ponytail.

looking around, she locks eyes with somebody — the same boy from earlier with the sandy brown hair. he’s got the most charming smile, sending it her way along with a thumbs up.

blood rushes to her cheeks as she returns him a thumbs up and a courteous nod.

then he turns away, whisked away by his parents.

2014

“you’re only saying that cause i beat you on the track again,” she answers nonchalantly with an eyeroll. she folds her arms over her chest, scanning the boy head to toe. “it’s okay to lose to girls sometimes. it’s rare, i know, yet here i am.”

“an absolute fluke,” the boy scoffs at her, cheeks red in frustration and fists clenched by his side. “my dad says there’s no space for girls on the racetrack.”

“oh, really? say that to my top 10 finish and you barely making the cut,” she spits, anger lacing every word. “loser.”

his jaw drops. “hey, take that back!”

“bite me,” she grins, “you loser.”

his arm is barely able to land a hit on her shoulder when he stumbles back, a bigger figure blocking her from the frustrated kid. she barely flinched, now shocked at the something that separated her from a minor injury.

“hey, piss off, will you?”

“whatever, dude.”

her saving grace turns around, a small welcoming smile on his face. it’s someone she recognises — slowly becoming a familiar face for her every time she’s on for a karting race. “are you alright?”

she huffs, her fists now clenched by her side. “i had that covered. i didn’t need your help.”

he gives her a tired stare, obviously not biting into her words to be edged towards an apology. he just smiles again. “i know, but i thought i’d end it before a fight happened.”

“what if that’s exactly what i wanted?” she asks, an eyebrow raised as her hands rests on her hips. “you don’t know that.”

“don’t bother,” he chuckles, glancing at the ground before lifting his head to look at her again. “‘grats on the top 10 finish today.”

she narrows her eyes down. “thank you.”

“oscar, by the way,” he says again, hand stretched out toward her.

“(y/n),” she nods at him with a forced smile. she drops both of their hands. “you’re tough to race, oscar. sometimes i just wanna crash into you with my kart.”

“i get that a lot, thank you,” he grins. he points behind her, prompting her to turn around. “the blonde over there’s my friend. that’s logan.”

she nods. “i’ve seen you guys together a couple of times.”

“we go to school together.” oscar pauses. “hey, logan! come over here!”

the blonde, logan, whirls around and jogs over to them without a question. he approaches them with a grin. “oh, hey! you’re the one that passed me earlier! you’re quick.”

“thank you, i like making boys cry.”

“i never said you made me cry.”

“you may as well have.”

“maybe next race if you can do it again.”

“oh, i’ll bet on that!” she grins, giving him a knowing stare.

logan smiles down at her. “we’re going to get pizza after this. do you want to join oscar and i?”

and the rest is history, as they say.

2015

"get off your homework, man," she groans, dragging her feet to where oscar sits on her table. she shakes the boy lightly, but not enough to mess up what he's writing, and pops her head to his side. "i'm itching to go get ice cream."

"let me finish my homework. my mum will kill me," oscar sighs, attempting to wave off the girl from him. "give me like 15 more minutes."

"you said that 1 hour ago," logan says, words muffled by the pillow he's got his face smushed up against. "i'm hungry, dude."

a knock lands on the door before it creaks open, turning the heads of two of three people who rest in her bedroom.

"dalton, dude!" logan grins, patting the empty spot on the bed next to him. "you're home! how was school?"

"i learned math today," the young boy excitedly answers, running over to the american with a giddy grin on his face. he jumps onto the bed, only to be promptly pulled away by his older sister.

"i told you to learn how to knock, dalton," she says in a tired voice. "and take off your shoes before coming into my room. remember?"

dalton looks up at her, wide eyes and lips parted as he tries to remember her words. he nods, bending down to tear off the velcro from his shoes. "i'm sorry, (y/n)."

"that's okay," she smiles, patting his head. "just don't do it again, okay?"

he nods, before hurriedly jumping onto the bed. this time, logan has the blankets up before engulfing the small kid under it with a bear hug. "what kind of math did you learn today?"

"addition," dalton mutters. he turns to look at oscar, who has yet to acknowledge his presence. "oscar."

"hi, dalton," he mutters, head resting in his palm as he focuses on the paper in front of him. "give me a minute, kid. i'll talk to you later, okay?"

"not okay," dalton huffs, arms folded over his chest. he leans into logan's knees and drops his head on the mattress. "i'm hungry, (y/n)."

she grins. "we've got to wait for oscar to finish his homework before we can go get food."

oscar sighs. he drops his pen on the table, turning around to face the room. "i guess i can take a break."

he gives her a knowing grin, rolling his eyes when she proudly smiles at him. he's always had a soft spot for dalton, the small boy filling up the sibling-shaped hole in his heart. "what do you feel like having, kid? ice cream?"

the young boy jumps on logan, prompting the loudest yelp to pass his lips. his arms wrap around dalton as they roll off the bed. logan launches him in the air and catches him immediately, a loud giggle bouncing off the walls of the girl's bedroom.

"i want spaghetti!" dalton cheers. "but you have to make it for us, oscar!"

oscar sighs again. he drops his head. "okay, i'll make some spaghetti."

2016

"happy birthday, (y/n)!" the door swings open, hitting the wall with a thud.

immediately, the girl shoots up from her bed, hair a mess with both of her eyes still closed. "man, what the fuck!"

she rubs her eyes, only to be met by the smug grins of her friends as they saunter into her bedroom with cake in logan's hands and two wrapped boxes in oscar's.

"we said happy birthday," logan says through gritted teeth, "say thank you."

"what time is it?" she groans, pulling the blanket up to her stomach. "isn't it a little too early for you to be terrorising me?"

"1pm is not early," oscar shakes his head in disappointment. "i texted you to be ready by 1! we're catching a movie, remember? we're supposed to go catch mockingjay in theatres."

she frowns. "i'm sorry. i went out with my girls last night," she explains, slowly moving to the edge of her bed. "i can be ready in 15 minutes."

logan holds the cake to her face. "enough yapping. the candle's about 5 seconds from merging with the cake i spent so hard to find," he sighs. "make a wish, scrub."

she looks up at them, daggers thrown just through her glare. she blows out the flame as her two friends cheer softly for her, oscar clapping before patting her shoulder. "okay, let's go catch our movie."

she holds her hands out to the boxes in his hands. "presents first."

2017

"hey, where are you?" oscar's face fills up her phone screen, eyebrows furrowed as he navigates the crowd in the mall. "are you not coming early for the race?"

she bites down on her lip and looks down, briefly avoiding oscar's stare. "i'll still be coming. just not so soon."

"what?" oscar's voice squeaks in disbelief, truly not believing what he's hearing from his friend. "but we always get ice cream before the race. why didn't you tell us you were ditching?"

"it was last minute, i'm sorry," she frowns, glancing at the boy standing next to her. "i'll just see you guys there."

oscar's face immediately drops. "oh, you're with your boyfriend?"

she rolls her eyes. "yes, but i'll still be there for the race. what's the big deal?"

oscar shrugs. "nothing, mate. i'll just see you on the track, (y/n)."

"hey, what is your problem?" she calls out, head tilting at his sudden coldness. "i've got other people to be with besides you and logan, you know. i have other friends too."

"friends, maybe i understand. but this guy?" he chuckles, rubbing his chin as he tries to sympathise with her. he really tries, but it's difficult when the older boy has made his best friend's life miserable in the past 3 months and she's done is defend him.

"mate, come on. be serious. he won't stick around forever - he's a guy."

"you're a guy."

"and i've never ditched you for a girl, have i?"

"i'd understand if you did."

"well, i'm not flakey," oscar spits at her, glaring at her through the camera on his phone. "i'll see you later."

his face disappears, the home screen of her phone now the only thing staring at her with the silence in her living room. she sighs and drops her phone onto the couch next to her.

"you alright, babe?"

she nods weakly, but her heart races in her chest. she's always been very headstrong and stubborn with oscar, but this was the first time he's ever shown a sign of frustration with her.

as deadpan as he usually is, her chest weighs down on the implication this young relationship could have on a friendship that's been going on for years.

"yeah, i'm fine."

"it sucks, i know," logan sighs, patting her head. he's leaned back against the wall, sitting up as she cried into his chest. "we're only 16 - this won't be the last guy you'll be with."

this only made the girl cry harder into his chest. truthfully, he's got no idea what to do. comforting crying people has never been his forte; being more on the sensitive end himself.

"i'll beat him up, though, if you'd like," logan offers lightheartedly. this is progress, at least, cause it made her giggle for a second before she resumed her sobs. "i can take him in a fight."

"don't do that," she laughs through her tears, "yet."

"i'll even take oscar with me."

"no... oscar's mad at me."

"he's not mad at you, (y/n)."

"but i told you that fucker was no good," an australian accent falls upon the room, making her lift her tear-stained face up to look at him. "i hate to be the one to say that to you."

"fuck off," she sobs, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "i already feel like shit."

oscar nods, but he does sit on her other side. sandwiched by the two guys, oscar just fishes for something from his bag. presented to them, three separate pints of ice cream with spoons.

she smiles, passing down the other pint to logan. but she doesn't say anything to the australian who's already opened up his share and has started eating.

she just presses her back to the wall behind her and looks ahead. she digs her spoon into the dessert. "i saw logan with a girl in the hallway the other day."

"hey, what the hell!"

2018

she holds up her phone, grinning to herself as she takes a video. she runs over to the boy zipping up his race suit. "oh, my god! it's logan sargeant, sir! can i have a couple seconds of your time for an interview?"

"(y/n), you made it!" he laughs, wrapping his arms around the smaller girl. "oscar should be around here somewhere."

"i wouldn't miss your first race, of course," she states matter-of-factly with an eye roll. she squeezes his side and leans in as he presses his lips to her cheek. she puts her phone into her pocket. "i'm always your biggest fan."

"you're the president of my fan club, right?" his eyes light up, teasing her as he rests his arm on her shoulder. "i wouldn't accept my fan club if it wasn't you running it."

she shrugs. "maybe, but i'm gonna need you to set me up on a date with max fewtrell."

"i thought you wanted to go out with charles leclerc?"

"he's got a girlfriend."

"i think max has got a girlfriend too," logan chuckles, simply amused by her presence. "tough luck, dude."

"man, i might just die an old maid," she drops her head with a frown.

"oi, what are you doing? the race is about to start," oscar scolds, hands held out as he scolds his friends. he looks at her, eyeing her up and down once more. "you're not dressed yet! it's your first race in a car. let's go, mate!"

"i didn't wanna seem so excited," she shrugs, "i don't know."

"well, there won't be a race if you're not dressed in your race suit, idiot," oscar scolds, pushing her towards the further end of the garages. "come on, i have to beat you again today. my race won't be complete if i don't."

"absolute bitch," she mutters, glaring at the two boys as she walks away. "i'll see you guys on the track - remember to look in your rearview mirror for me."

2019

the three sit in a circle, on her carpeted floor once more. "i'm sorry you didn't get a seat in f3, (y/n)," logan sighs, dropping his head in disappointment. "i can't believe it."

"it's okay." she leans back on her bed and sighs, dropping her head as well. she lifts it up again with a forced smile. "i'll watch you guys all the time, i swear. i'll be your biggest fan."

oscar shakes his head. "you'll get a seat. the season hasn't started yet - someone will pick you up."

she frowns, putting her hand on oscar's knee. "it's okay, oscar," she says softly.

how touching is it to have friends who care about your progression in a sport where you're meant to be selfish?

"you deserve a seat more than anyone i know," he sighs, pulling his legs up into his chest. he rests his chin on his knee. "it's not fair. they're overlooking you. you're so good on the track."

"not better than you, though," she jokes.

he looks at her from the side of his eye. his disappointment never leaves, "you could wind up being better than me. come on."

"there's not a lot of space for girls like me in a sport like this," she smiles slightly, squeezing his knee. "it's okay. i'll be at every single race cheering for both of you. i promise."

oscar furrows his eyebrows, still shaking his head. he's got 3 sisters - he'd be bummed if they were to pour their heart and soul into something and not have the same opportunities.

if he could, he'd simply flip the world upside down.

"don't give up, okay?" he moves his head, now cheek on his chin as he looks at the girl with hopeful eyes. "promise me - you'll be in an f1 car someday with us on tv. racing it out in the pinnacle of motorsport."

"obviously," she grins. "i won't ever let logan beat me."

"now, this is why you didn't get a seat, dude," logan jokes, exchanging a smack on the knee with the girl. "fix your attitude."

"i bet you're glad that i didn't get a seat - i'd beat you over and over in an f3 track."

"you'd have to get a seat to prove that, (y/n)."

2020

"i got you the seat!" oscar jumps onto her bed, grinning ear to ear. he squeezes the girl on her laptop, her head craned slightly to look at him. "you're going to be in formula 3!"

"what did you say?"

"you're going to be racing in formula 3 for the 2020 season, you idiot!" he screams, taking the laptop from her thighs. he closes it gently and puts it down on the ground. "dude, catch up faster!"

her eyes widen as the gears in her head slowly process what the australian has just bestowed upon her ears. her nose scrunched as a piercing scream slowly erupts from her mouth.

she stands on her knees on her bed, holding oscar's arms. "if this is a prank, i'm going to turn you into pastry!"

"it's not, i got you the seat in formula 3!" he screams, shaking her vigorously, jumping on her bed. "dude, you're a step closer to formula 1! i told you to never give up!"

"what do you mean, i never stopped racing!" she says amidst her screams, shaking oscar back as the adrenaline starts to pump through her veins. "i cannot believe it! i'm going to be in a formula 3 car!"

"yeah!" oscar jumps off his bed. "come on, let's go get drinks with logan! he's coming over with a couple of beers!"

she hops off the bed, her body going into his. they stumble back a couple of steps, oscar's back hitting the door with a thud. "dude, we can't just celebrate with a couple of beers. let's go to the club!" she shrieks, smacking his chest.

oscar tilts his head, lips pressed together. "are you sure? you're kind of uncontrollable in the club..."

"yeah, but i have the right to be tonight!" she rolls her eyes, "i just got promoted to formula 3!"

2021

"this formula 2 crap is easy," she mutters, taking her helmet off her head. she trudges towards the two in the red race suits, her balaclava also flinging off her head. "come on, oscar."

"oh, shut up," oscar laughs, wrapping an arm around her. "good job beating me for the first time."

"i made it my life's mission, actually," she whispers, dropping her head. she smiles, throwing her head back to look up at her two friends. "god, this feels amazing!"

"oh, i owe you 50, don't i?" logan frowns at oscar, hands on his hips. "i can't believe she beat you before the season ended. you growin' soft, piastri?"

"i just thought i should let her have one glimpse at beating me before i proceed to do it the rest of our lives," oscar snorts with a smug grin as he looks down at her. "feel it while you can, (y/n)."

she frowns up at him. "i'll beat you for real someday, pastry. i've done it once today, and i'll do it again."

he nods with a proud smile. "don't let that fire go out, dude."

2022

"oh, hold the front door!" she screams into the phone, turning around to smack oscar's shoulder. oscar, who was sitting quietly on her dining table, eating the spaghetti he's prepared for her household. "are you joking, mate?"

logan tilts his head at oscar, only receiving a similarly confused shrug from the australian boy. they both glance at her, confused, at her sudden scream amidst their dinner debrief after having not seen each other for a couple of weeks.

"there's no way! sebastian vettel said that about me?" she screams, smacking oscar's shoulder again.

"oh, you're kidding!" oscar grunts, smacking her hand from his shoulder. she doesn't react towards him, just jumps away to her living room with the phone still on her ear.

"you reckon she's scored a dinner with sebastian vettel with that reaction?" logan teases softly, pointing at the girl rambling away on the phone. "i've got my money on that."

oscar shakes his head. "maybe lewis hamilton through sebastian vettel."

they hear her heavy footsteps approaching the dining area. she simply drops her phone to the smaller table next to her, coming in slightly paler than they'd last seen of her a few seconds prior.

her lips slowly creep and spread into a grin. "i've been promoted to formula 1," she says breathily, her hand coming up to rest on the door frame behind her. she takes another deep breath. "sebastian's going to be race engineer in the 2023 season."

and all hell broke loose in the dining area that night.

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology

[muldj0rd]

“You saved my life. You’re my superhero” || Lestappen

Summary: “I’m still sorry” Max walked closer, stopping a few feet away from him. Charles only hummed “You always look at me” Max whispered quietly “Did I do something?”

“You have a black eye and bruises on your left bicep” Charles sighed, turning off the stove “If I look at you, I might just break down myself” Charles chuckled softly

Warnings: Jos Verstappen’s A+ parenting, Jos Verstappen is a warning in himself, talk about mental illness’, depression, eating disorder, angst, Max needs a hug, Charles gives it to him, internalised homophobia, top Charles, bottom Max, anal, anal fingering, handjob, dacryphilia, praise kink, insecure Max, insecurities, nipple play, Charles being Max’s first male partner

Masterlist || AO3

Growing up, and if you didn’t look too close, Max was a happy child

Good mother. Good sister. Grew up with a father with failed racing dreams

It gave him pressure, sure�� But if he didn’t have the pressure… Would he be who he was today?

Today, Max Verstappen was a three-time world champion winner

3 times as more champions than his dad

61 more wins than his dad ever had

Was his dad a good dad, though?

Jos Verstappen was the worst dad, if he even deserved to call himself a father

Max grew up with all kinds of mental illness’. Some he grew out of, some he didn’t

Depression. Stayed all through out his karting days and up until now

Eating Disorder. He didn’t feel valid for having one, and thinking he made it up because he didn’t look like someone with an ED

He wasn’t fit. He wasn’t skinny. He wasn’t…

He’d look in the mirror every morning, looking at his shirt covered chest, telling himself he needed to work out more, loose the fat around his stomach

No matter how hard he tried to loose the fat, he could never look good or how he wanted

He could never look like Charles

Charles was pretty. Who was Max kidding? Charles was hot… Until he slept. Charles was drop dead gorgeous when he slept

Max didn’t care it sounded creepy- it wasn’t, right? They were friends, and Charles had fallen asleep in his company before, so naturally Max had seen Charles asleep. Gorgeous

Max wouldn’t be where he was without his so called father

Max would be dead without Charles

Max wasn’t gay. He wasn’t. It was wrong… That’s at least what his dad had told him after Max had told him a story about Charles that maybe to Jos sounded a tad bit too friendly

Max wasn’t gay

”Charles is pretty”

Max wasn’t gay

”Charles is slightly attractive”

Max wasn’t gay

”Charles is hot”

Was Max gay?

No.

Red Bull had suggested- Christian had suggested to Max that he tried out therapy, he refused of course, but when Christian didn’t shut the fuck up, he agreed just to keep him off of his back

“Who helped you become who you are today? A three-time champion, that is?” The therapist asked curious

“My dad… I guess” Max shrugged slightly, biting his bottom lip softly, the skin rough from where he had been nibbling at it for a few days, stressed about this session

“You guess?” He asked curious, shifting in his seat

“I wouldn’t be a champion without my dad, but I wouldn’t be…” Max sighed, nails scraping his palm, itching the anxious feeling “…I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t be alive… Without… Without C-Charles” It was if the words were wrong, or a sin of some kind

“Charles? Leclerc?” He questioned, knitting his eyebrows together

“He’s always been there for me” Max shrugged slightly, his bottom lip trembling “When… When everybody was… When everybody was against me, Charles had been there. Always. Picking me up from the dirt of the track, telling me everything would be okay and that people could go fuck themselves” He chuckled softly, his eyes welling up, glazing with tears

“So… You and Charles are friends?” He hummed, writing something down on his notes

“Yeah. I guess…” Max hummed, shrugging slightly, sniffling

“You need to stop guessing, and instead start to know” He sighed “You like Charles?”

“Yes” Max hummed “I mean- no. Not like that. I guess-… I know, Charles is a friend”

“You find Charles attractive?” Max looked up, his tears now dried

“H-He’s pretty. I gue- I know” Max swallowed “Sometimes” He shrugged slightly

“When? When is Charles pretty to you?” He shifted curiously in his chair, the one hour now gone, but he wanted to hear more from Max

“When he sleeps” Max shrugged “His long eye lashes against his cheek bones, his lips slightly parted, pretty lips… Full. Nice. His hair messy… Looks more fluffy that way. I just kinda wanna stroke it, thread my fingers through it” Max smiled softly, not realising what he was saying

“Max…” He sighed softly “I can’t tell you how you feel, but… I think maybe you should reconsider what you feel towards Charles

“I’m not gay” Max said confused, shaking his head slightly “I’m not”

“I’m not saying you are, Max… I’m saying you should reconsider if Charles and you are better friends than you go around and think”

”I’m not gay” Max kept mumbling all the time, in all the languages he knew

“You listening, boy?” Jos asked when he saw and heard Max mumbling to himself “What you mumbling about?”

“Nothing. Sorry father. I’m listening” Max apologised, squirming in his seat where he sat

He wasn’t listening, and he knew his father knew, and he was sure as hell to be beaten over it later

MAX: Can I come over and cuddle with Leo?

Charles blinked his eyes open. He was yet to fall asleep when he heard the ping, but close to

The light was bright in his eyes. 1:36 said his phone when he turned the brightness down

CHARLES: It’s almost 2 am, and he’s asleep. What about Sassy and Jimmy?

MAX: Can I come over to just see you then?

Max always used Leo as an excuse to see Charles when he needed it

CHARLES: Of course you can, Max

’Thank you. I love you’

MAX: Thank you. I’ll be there in a bit

Moments like these came often, so to not wake the whole apartment complex, Charles had given Max a key

Max closed the door behind him quietly. Kicking off his shoes and his jacket, putting them neatly on their respectful places, knowing Charles was a neat freak

Max softly got into Charles bed, careful not to wake him if he was asleep, Leo stirring quietly awake when he moved to lay on his side, back facing Charles’

Max’ breath hitched slightly as he felt Charles pull the duvet up over his body, an arm around his waist, keeping him close, soothing him softly to sleep

Charles asked once at 3 am what happened. Max broke into tears. Charles hated seeing Max like that, so he never asked again

He felt guilty for never asking. Selfish. Max didn’t want to talk about it anyways, so it was all good

Max woke up by Leo licking all over his face, making him groan softly

He was now laying on his stomach as Leo curled into his side, his fur soft against Max’s hand that was stroking him

He got out of the bed, seeing as Charles wasn’t there. His mind worked on auto pilot, his body walking towards the smell of food

“I’m sorry” Max murmured from where he stood in the middle of the living room, looking into the kitchen

Charles’s body stiffened slightly “It’s fine. It’s what friends are for” He chocked out, not looking at Max

Why didn’t he? He always looked at Max. No matter what

“I’m still sorry” Max walked closer, stopping a few feet away from him. Charles only hummed “You always look at me” Max whispered quietly “Did I do something?”

“You have a black eye and bruises on your left bicep” Charles sighed, turning off the stove “If I look at you, I might just break down myself” Charles chuckled softly

Max was the one getting abused, so why was Charles the one going to break down?

“Charles…” Max almost whined, looking up into the back of Charles head “Look at me, please… Charles, I need you to look at me” Max whispered

Charles tapped on the counter with his nail, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to the ceiling, hoping the unshed tears would just go away

When they didn’t and he couldn’t stretch it any longer, he turned around, opening his eyes slowly

He shouldn’t have. The tears streamed silently down his cheeks the moment he saw Max’s disheveled look

Max drew Charles into his arms, Charles immediately shoving his head into the crook of Max’s neck, his hands clutching at the front of Max’s shirt

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve saved you” Charles sobbed into Max’s neck, his body shaking

‘You saved my life’

Max’s eyes welled up, feeling guilty that he had made Charles feel like this. Made him feel like he should apologise

“It’s not your fault” Max chocked out, sniffling slightly, holding back tears as best as he could

Charles leaned away from Max neck, his sobbing quieting down, now eye to eye

Max took his hand up to Charles’s cheek, the rough pad of his thumb wiping away tears around his beautiful green eyes

“It’s not your fault” Max tried again

Max wanted to lean in, kissing Charles until they were both passed out from oxygen. It wasn’t the right time… or was it?

‘Fuck it. I am gay’ Max though before slowly leaning in, kissing Charles softly, Charles kissing back immediately

“Thought you weren’t gay” Charles chuckled, tear stains on his cheeks and chin

“What?” Max asked, still dazed from how good and right the kiss felt

“I’ve heard you mumbling all last week” Charles chuckled again, his hands squeezing Max’s waist softly

“Oh… Well…” Max scratched the nape of his neck “I guess my therapist have gotten into my head”

“No… He wouldn’t do that. He’s just given you a push towards something you couldn’t walk towards yourself” Charles said softly, his green eyes wet from his earlier crying

How could Max not want to kiss Charles when looked like that? So he did. Max leaned back in to kiss Charles

Charles kissed back as well, a little more tender than before

Charles wanted Max- no. Charles needed Max. He needed him in a way no other could give him

He kissed Max a little harder, drawing a yelp out of him as well as Charles pushed Max softly up against the island counter, trapping his body

Charles’ hand went into Max’s hair. It was cut. Charles hated it. Max looked better with longer hair, but he always cut it because Jos said ’It made him look like a faggot’

It wasn’t cut too short, so Charles stilled managed to tug softly, making Max leaning back with a whimper, Charles’ lips going to his throat

“You’re pretty when you cry” Max chocked out, closing his eyes, trying to think of anything else than what it might feel like having Charles inside of him

“Yeah? That’s your kink?” Charles chuckled, his tongue lapping at Max’s throat and over his Adam’s apple

“N-no” Max chocked out… Maybe it was, yes. It definitely turned him on a little, but he didn’t want Charles to cry during sex

“Hm. Shame” Charles hummed, his hands on Max’s hips, pulling him away from the counter, guiding him towards the bedroom again

“Shame?” Max asked confused, Charles pushing him softly to lay down against the bed

“Yeah” Charles hummed, sitting down in between Max’s spread legs, hands just below where his shirt ended “Would love to see you cry in pleasure”

Charles leaned down, kissing Max again, his hands traveling under Max shirt, but he stopped him, pushing at his wrists

Charles stoped, leaning back again, seeing Max’s face turned to the side, his eyes screwed shut, hands tight around Charles’ wrists

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. We don’t have to. It’s fine. I’m sorry for pressuring you” Charles said softly, hissing quietly at Max’s strong grip around his wrists

“No, no. I want to. It’s just-… I don’t-… I don’t like m-my…” He had turned his head back to Charles, but his eyes were still screwed shut

“I do. You’re so goddamn beautiful that it hurts to look at you” Charles sighed “And I want to show you just how much I love all of you”

Max whimpered softly. Love? His hands slowly loosening around Charles’ wrists, slowly opening his eyes

“Let me show you” Charles whispered, his eyes soft and wide. Max nodded softly “That’s not enough for me, amour”

“Show me” Max nodded softly

“Thank you. We can always stop if you get too uncomfortable, okay?” Max nodded “Max”

“Yes” He said as soon as Charles said his name

’Good boy’ It sat on Charles tongue. He didn’t say it

Charles didn’t know, but he’d assume that Max had a praise kink- I mean, who wouldn’t in his state?

He didn’t get any praise when he was younger, so Charles had now decided to make it his mission and give Max praise for every little thing

“Lift your arms” Charles said softly

He could feel the hesitation in Max’s hands were they twitched around Charles’s wrists before he pulled them off and over his head, sitting slightly up so Charles could pull the T-shirt over his head

Max fell back against the bed, immediately covering his stomach with his arms

Charles leaned down, kissing Max from his lips, down his chin, along his jaw, down his neck, over his throat, and down to his collarbone

Max whimpered every time Charles moved to a new spot, arching his neck to let Charles have more space, his arms tightening around his stomach

“You’re so fucking beautiful, mon amour. So fucking beautiful” Charles hummed, kissing down Max’s chest softly

Max moaned softly when Charles licked over one of his nipples, causing him to hold his hand over his mouth, giving Charles the chance to kiss further down, closing in on his stomach

Max felt like pushing Charles away, but why would he? Max thought it over

If it was anybody else, he hadn’t let it go this far, but it wasn’t anybody else. It was Charles. Charles who had saved him. Charles who has saved his life. He wouldn’t find that part of his body disgusting. Would he?

Max moved his other arm, letting both arms fall to his sides

Charles looked up at Max, slightly surprised he had gotten him comfortable, but he loved it nonetheless

Max, the broken man with no proper childhood, was comfortable around Charles

Charles continued to kiss Max’s stomach, slowly getting lower, kissing the skin above Max’s waistband of his sweats

Max wanted to thread his fingers through Charles’ hair, so he did. The dark brown locks soft around Max’s rough fingers

“Charlie” Max whined quietly as Charles darted his tongue out, licking at the stubble burns he had accidentally made seeming he hadn’t shaven in a couple of days

“Yes, amour?” Charles asked teasingly, leaning back to see the burns he had accidentally made down Max’s pale body

“Please” Max whimpered “I n-need you” He stuttered, blushing red from the embarrassment of sounding needy and desperate

“Yeah? You need me?” Charles chuckled, to which Max mumbled out a low ‘yes’ “Alright. Sweats and briefs off” Charles patted the outside of Max’s thigh before he went to the night stand, taking the lube from the drawer

Charles turned back to the bed, seeing Max now completely naked and laid further up the bed

“Mon dieu. You have no idea how fucking beautiful you are” Charles sighed with a slight smile, his hands caressing Max’s thighs, watching as his hard cock twitched at the affection, leaking slightly

“This isn’t fair” Max whined, tugging at the hem of Charles’ shirt

Charles took the hint, chuckling softly as he pulled the T-shirt off of himself

Max almost drooled at the sight, but was quickly replaced with a small pout “I’ll never look like you” He mumbled

“I don’t want you to, amour. I want you to look just like this” He murmured, opening the lube bottle, pouring some on his fingers

“Remember; you can tell me to stop whenever, okay?” Charles reminded Max as he warmed up the lube

Max nodded quietly “Amour” Charles said, in a tone that was slightly warningly

“Yes” Max said “Jus’-… please Charlie” Max whined, bucking his hips slightly, trying to show Charles how much he needed him

Charles only chuckled softly, circling Max’s hole softly, making Max moan softly, his hands gripping at the sheets

Though, his hands immediately flew to Charles’ biceps when Charles slowly pushed in his finger

“F-fuck- Charles” Max whimpered, feeling Charles slowly moved his finger, twisting it and slowly moving in and out of him

When Max was loose enough, Charles pushed in a second finger, Max moaning at the action, his back arching

“Dieu. Why haven’t I made a move before, hm? You’re so fucking beautiful like this” Charles chuckled, his fingers slowly and softly moving in and out of Max, his lips attached to Max’s bent knee, most likely giving him burns there as well

“C-Charles. Please- i-i need it so bad. Please” Max had never thought in a million years he’d be begging for Charles’ cock inside him

“Shh. I got you, baby” Charles soothed, slowly pulling his fingers out of Max, loving the whine that escaped Max’s lips

Charles wiped his fingers on the inside of Max’s thigh so he could pull his own sweats and briefs down

When Charles had lubed himself and lining himself up with Max’s fluttering hole, Max held his hands against Charles’ abdomen, stopping him softly

“I-i’ve never… I’ve never had sex with a man- I don’t know what I’m doing” Max said, more confident then when they had started

“I know, amour. I got you, okay? Just lay back and tell if you want to stop or something you want to do different” Charles said, a slight smirk on his lips

Max nodded softly “Yes” He whimpered softly

“Good boy” It flew past Charles’ lips before he could stop it, but when he saw how red Max’s whole body got, he didn’t want to take it back

Max was about to come back with a witty comment, but could only moan when Charles slowly pushed into him, stopping every few inches, letting Max adjust before he continued

Charles kissed along Max’s collarbone, feeling him loosen around his cock

“C-Char… Please” Max breathed out, trying to move against Charles, having no success to get any kind of friction

“Come on. Finish my name. I like how you say your S’” Charles chuckled, thrusting softly once, Max moaning softly

“Charles” Max gasped when Charles thrusted once again

Max had been insecure about his lisp forever ever since they were kids, and Charles had loved the way Max said his name just as long

Charles set a pace and rhythm that worked for him, and one Max didn’t have any problem with

Charles put a hand under Max’s body, angling his hips slightly so it was easier for Charles to hit his prostate, making Max moan loudly and chant his name like a prayer

“Charles- please- I need… I need to come, please” Max almost cried out, nails digging into Charles’ back

Charles wrapped his hand around Max’s neglected cock, stroking him at the same speed of his hips “Come for me, amour”

Max’s nails dug into Charles’ back so hard he was afraid he’d break his skin as he came, covering his own stomach and Charles’s hand with his cum

Charles slowed his hand and hips down, moaning Max’s name softly into his pale neck as he came himself

“I like your hair longer” Charles murmured, kissing Max’s shoulder softly as they sat in the bathtub, Charles’ hand on Max’s stomach, stroking his thumb over his skin

Max sighed “My dad-“

“Fuck what he thinks. He’s not your father. He’s a man who treats a child like a subject” Charles said softly, kissing Max’s cheek bone just under where his black eye shone ended

Max wanted to cry. Charles was right. Jos never treated him like a son. Maybe for the first few years, but when Max became competitive in karting, he became a subject

“Move in” Charles said, sensing Max wanted to change the subject “I don’t like you living somewhere he knows” Charles held Max closer “Please”

Max nodded softly “I will. I want nothing else… But, we’ll have to learn Sassy and Jimmy to be nice to Leo” He chuckled

[sommerregenjuniluft]

@jegulus-microfic june 17 — dust — 1279 words aka soft, mushy, fluffy jegulus on beach vacay<3 (harry is there too and he’s being super stinking cute)

James lifts his head from where he was picking sand out of Harry’s eyelid crease when Regulus turns aggressively on his beach towel for the nth time since Harry and he had come over to get this one’s water bottle.

“You okay there, love?” James asks as Harry gulps away noisily.

“No,” Regulus cries out, sitting up abruptly. “I’m sunburned and dehydrated, my head hurts, I am itching all over because of whatever stupid fucking insects keep biting or stinging me, I can feel sand in my ass crack and,” Regulus heaves a pitiful sigh, “and there’s dust all over my favorite sneakers.”

There’s a vein throbbing in his temple that James itches to smooth out, kiss away.

It’s been a risky step, going on vacation together with Harry and Sirius, the four of them, just a few weeks after Regulus and James had started exploring that little thing of theirs. When longing glances exchanged turned into brushing hands and snuggling closer on the couch turned secret, cautious kisses and whispered confessions.

And now Regulus is flushed and his voice is all whiney and James knows it’s an inappropriate thought right now but he just really wants to help Regulus feel better again. Take his face into careful palms and slowly snog him breathless until he can’t think of anything else but James and feeling good.

James is about to open his mouth when Harry, who has witnessed Regulus’ little outbreak, suddenly dumps his water bottle back into James’ lap and waddles right over to him. James’ toddler reaches for Regulus’ hand, petting it, watching him carefully out of big eyes, “Take a deep breath, Reg’lus.”

James promptly melts into the sand and Regulus’ expression, as well, softens in an instant. A weak chuckle slips out of him and then, following Harry’s advice, he takes a big inhale. His cheeks puff when he blows it back out and James thinks he’s pretty sure Regulus is the most adorable adult person to ever exist. Adult because no one can beat Harry when he gets going.

Harry nods, satisfied, and then runs back to the water where Sirius is waiting on him.

“There you go,” James murmurs, grinning, when Regulus takes another steadying breath.

“You,” the younger man throws him a half hearted glare out of stormy eyes, “piss off.”

James scrambles himself up out of the sand, opening his arms slightly, “C’mere, love.”

Regulus’ eyes soften, get all dewy and needy, but they also keep darting back and forth between James and the others by the water. Like he wants it so badly but won’t let himself have it. He shakes his head feebly, “We can’t.”

James clicks his tongue, opening his arms wider and wiggling his fingers, “Shut up—yes, we can. Come here.”

Regulus pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth, hesitating, “But…”

“I said, shut up and come here, Reg.”

Regulus huffs, like it’s an utter inconvenience to get up and get hugged but he does so anyways. He shuffles the few paces over to James and then lets himself thunk against his chest, weakly slinging his arms around James’ waist.

James can’t help but muffle a snort into the curls behind Regulus’ ear at the dramatics. He closes his arms around this one’s shoulders, softly raking short nails of one hand up and into his dark hair.

“You’re laughing at me,” Regulus grumbles against James’ shoulder, squeezing around his middle in reprimand.

“No, I would never,” James replies immediately. He lets his fingers dance gently over Regulus’ sunburned skin and feels him sink into him even more. James hums happily at that response, kissing the side of his head.

Regulus’ breath hitches and a warm feeling piles up in James’ chest, tingling all the way into his fingertips where he’s still touching the younger man.

“You smell like salt,” Regulus says, his tone accusing, “And you’re all sandy.”

James cups the nape of Regulus’ neck and pulls back to look at him, “That’s what typically happens when you’re on holiday at the beach.”

Regulus’ pout morphs into a sneer and James’ grin widens. “Feeling better?”

“No,” Regulus replies, not missing a beat. His hands are still linked at the small of James’ back. He really thinks he’s so clever, huh?

James raises his eyebrows expectantly.

Regulus’ nose scrunches, “Perhaps a little bit.”

James ducks closer again, pushing a curl that tumbled its way deep into Regulus’ forehead back again, “Let me tell you something—”

Regulus heaves another sigh. “Oh, great.”

James goes on, undeterred, “Why don’t we grant ourselves a little off-day tomorrow? Harry and Sirius can run around the beach all day or visit that reptile house again and we make ourselves all comfortable in the air bnb.”

Regulus blinks at him, that hopeful yet apprehensive look in his eyes. James knows he’ll give in though eventually and he can be so patient for Regulus. He lets his hand slide forward and thumbs at Regulus’ bottom lip.

And then James has to work hard to trap a groan behind his teeth because Regulus parts his lips so pliantly, not moving, just letting James do his thing. It makes James’ blood pump faster, high on all those ecstatic feelings, fondness and desire and something much more deep rooted that James hasn’t let himself think out loud yet.

“All day?” Regulus whispers, lips moving under James’ finger and breaking his train of thought.

“Yeah, love, all day,” James confirms.

Absentmindedly, it seems, Regulus fumbles around with his hands at James’ back.

James purses his lips, “Are you nervous?” Of course he’d love to hang out with Regulus all day but not if that’s something he isn’t comfortable with yet.

“No, no,” Regulus shakes his head, bringing his hands around between them with a frown, “I’m itchy.” He’s scratching at a red spot right below his wrist, one of the many insect bites.

James coos quietly and he gently wraps his palm around it, lifting them. He places a gentle kiss, watching intently as Regulus’ eyelids flutter, frown magically gone. God, how is James supposed to behave around him? It’s a wonder he’s been able to reign himself in for so long in the first place.

“Y’know,” James grins against Regulus’ reddened skin, “They say saliva helps sooth the itchiness of insect bites.”

A small noise slips from Regulus and James’ grin sharpens.

“What?”

“Oh, you heard me, love,” James replies. He gently massages the ball of Regulus’ palm with his own thumb, watching as this one keeps staring back at James stupidly. He’s so cute. “Any objections?”

“James,” Regulus breathes, swallows roughly.

Slowly, James lifts their hands again, peering at Regulus intently in case his breathlessness turns from excited to apprehensive. But it doesn’t. All the way up to James’ mouth and then James is collecting the spit from under his tongue and letting the dollop drop right onto the patch of red skin.

Regulus sucks in a breath upon the landing and James can’t help but hum deep in his throat. It’s like Regulus renders the polite and logical part of his brain completely useless, instead activating a much more different and distinctly primal part. A part that thinks it’s a good idea to do stuff like spit on Regulus and rub it into his skin until it’s spread expertly.

“Okay, yes,” Regulus says suddenly.

James blinks in confusion but Regulus isn’t done yet apparently because he goes on, nodding dazedly, “We’ll have an off-day together. The…two of us.”

A bright smile creeps itself onto James’ face. He steals himself a quick kiss from Regulus’ cheek, watching his blush deepen as James announces, “Happy to hear that.”

[ynbabe]

Bite Me ୨୧ Charles Leclerc x Reader- Vampire AU

Charles had admittedly done many stupid things in his life, getting turned into a vampire in a club in Monaco was definitely one of them, but at least he has you, but what happens when his brothers see the bite marks on you?

Was it obvious I was listening to Lana del Rey while writing this?

You groaned as his teeth sank into your collarbones, blood seeping out into his mouth. Your grip on his shoulders as a pang of pain rolls through your body as he sucks on the open wound, lapping up the warm blood that poured out.

Your nails dug deeper into his bare back as the pain increased, a small groan escaping his lips as you broke skin. Your head fell back as Charles finally let go.

You pressed your hand to your head feeling light-headed, squinting your eyes you missed the look of guilt Charles had.

"I'm sorry, Mon Amore," he kissed your neck, lips still sticky. You could only hum in response. He laid down on top of you, burying his head on your chest.

"Did you get enough?" You asked him, making him nod against your skin.

When you first found out, you were terrified, almost running out of the apartment when he showed you his teeth but his puppy eyes made your heart break. So you stayed.

"Lets go clean up," he whispered in your ears, picking you up.

You showered first, then changed into a simple pair of sweatpants and a tank top, not realising all the old bites that had turned into nasty bruises could be seen easily.

Just as you had tied up your hair, the doorbell rang. "Hey, babe, are you expecting anyone?" you called out.

"I don't think so," he yelled back. You sighed and walked out of your bedroom, going to check who'd interrupted Charles and your weekend bliss.

You had barely opened the door when Arthur came barreling in, a tired Lorenzo behind him, an apologetic look on his face. "Hey, Y/n," he greeted pulling you in for a hug, unknowingly applying pressure on Charles' bite marks, making you hiss in the older man's arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked, gasping when he saw the yellowed bruises on your arms, redder- more newer ones on your shoulders and the still fresh ones on your neck and collar bone.

His eyes widened as he pushed into the apartment, turning you around to see the 'damage', you tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal. It was Arthur's turn to go ballistic, he stopped talking, staring at you with his jaw slacked open. "What the fuck?" He whispered.

"Guys this isn't what you think-" You began but they wouldn't accept it.

Lorenzo furrowed his brows, "Did Charles do this to you?" he asked.

"No, Enzo," you tried to explain, without outing Charles' secret, "Not, in the way you think, he- it's not," you seriously weren't prepared to be interrogated today.

"Oh my god," he looked away, "this isn't right, Y/n, we can help you, I know he's our brother but you can talk to us," he started, Arthur butting in.

"Fuck that, he's hurting you y/n, you get help," Arthur called out. You were touched by their protectiveness but you had to explain before they thought the worst of Charles.

"Guys please," you tried once again but to no avail. Suddenly you were pushed behind the two boys, and before you could ask why you saw Charles walk out, a matching pair of sweatpants on, hair still dripping from the shower.

He seemed shocked to see his brother, especially the anger in their eyes, he moved towards you but they pressed forward, confusing him further.

"Hey-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING HEY US YOU BASTARD," Arthur yelled making Charles flinch.

Arthur pulled you further back, glaring at his bother.

"How could you? You were supposed to love her! Maman raised you better than this!" Lorenzo yelled making Charles' eyes well with tears.

"What- what are you talking about?" He asked, trying to make sense of the whole situation, when Lorenzo pointed at you and all the recovering bite marks.

A look of realisation flashed across his face making him smile in relief, pissing off his brothers even more, "YOU'RE FUCKING SMILING" Arthur barked, throwing a pillow at Charles with deadly accuracy but he was faster, much faster.

"How could you even think I could do something like that?" He asked, suddenly infront of Arthur, "I'm a vamipre, not a monster!" He exclaimed, showing his fangs.

"Oh..." Arthur said meekly before passing out in your arms.

"Your a- a what? Is this some weird sex thing, because I don't want to know." Lorenzo asked with a hint of disgust in his voice.

Charles laughed and nodded no, explaining to his brother how he got into the predicament, providing proof by easily lifting Arthur by the collar with one hand.

"I- uh, I need to-" he pointed at the sofa, sitting down with his head in his hands. Charles placed Arthur next to Lorenzo, while you brought them water, gently waking up Arthur.

You and Charles took your place across them.

"So, you're fine with, whatever this is?" He asked you, waving his hands between Charles and you.

"Yeah,"

"H-how do you drive? Arent most races in the sun?" Arthur asked, finally waking up.

"Art, it's not like Twilight," he explained, "I just need more sunscreen than usual," he shrugged.

"Does Fred know? Any of the other drivers? Maman?" Lorenzo shot off.

Arthur on the other hand was interested in other questions, "Does your skin sparkle? Do you know any other vampires? How fast can you run? Do you actually drink blood?" he rambled, water long forgotten.

"Calm down, Arthur," You laughed at the younger boy.

"One question at a time guys, but no, no one else knows, not even Maman," he looked at Lorenzo.

"And no, my skin doesn't sparkle, it's not Twilight!" he exclaimed once again, making Arthur roll his eyes, "Yes, Fernando's one, and maybe Lance but I'm not sure, I can run pretty fast now, and yes, I need blood to survive now," he explained each answer making Arthurs eyes grow wider.

"That's where I come in," You raised your hand, pointing to the bite marks on your body.

"Does that hurt?" Lorenzo asked.

"It used to, not as much now," you shrugged, "It heals fast when I drink his blood," You explained making Arthur gag.

"So it's like TVD," he grimaced,

"I mean, yeah, sure," you answered.

A few more questions and finally Lorenzo and Arthur were satiated, deciding to leave. rather than staying for what they had originally come to do.

"I'm kind of hungry, order in?" Charles winked at you making you roll your eyes.

"Bite me."

Hope y'all like this, as always comments and reblogs are much appreciated! Also, how would y'all like a DC-style Logan fic? I've been itching to write that!

[konaanaria13]

Manipulate you to love me

Mattheo x reader

Soooo toxic relationship, abuse.

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, abuse, aggresivness, drinking, under the influence, unhealthy relationship. And idk...

Broken up but can't stay away from each other? No one can touch you but him? Yep yep yep.

MDNI

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"I don't care Mattheo fuck off!" The music is loud, the bodies around us moving rapidly, the alcohol making my brain feel fuzzy, Mattheo's hand is forcefully around my arm as he drags me toward the stairs of the common room.

"We broke up. I can dance with whoever I want-" I move my body close to his, spitting the words as my face is inching forward toward his.

"- I can date whoever I want-" my back hit's the wall with force, Mattheo's hand's trapping me between him.

"- and I can fuck. Whoever I want." I say harshly, his hand comes up my throat, his breath hot against my lip's as his thumb lifts my chin toward him applying pressure he grins.

"But you belong to me." He say's slowly, his voice deep as I try to fight myself off.

"What?" I whisper, my lip's dangerously close to his.

"You." He whispers leaning down to my ear, his knee part my legs, my body reacting to his instantly.

"Belong" He plants a kiss to my neck and I whimper, my legs part, his hand moves down my waist now.

"To" his tounge makes me close my eyes, the feeling of his skin against mine after so much time making want to just give in right there.

"Me." He growls making me look up to him, towering above me he raises his eyebrow as I part my lip's, the pressure on my throat making me gasp.

"Mattheo" I whisper, my body grinding down on his knees the wetness between my leg's hurting.

"Say it" he say's, I let my head drop back agaisnt the wall, the music, the alcohol making me wanna throw uo bit his touch keeps me grounded as I nod slowly.

"I belong to you" I whisper back and he grins, releasing the pressure I breath in oxygen but the only thing i want to breath is him. I bring my hands up to his face, pushing myself up my lip's meating his. Pulling him toward me, my body needing his. I'm all his I think as his hand's roam my body, picking me up by my thighs his body presses into mine and I gasp for air as he kisses me harshly.

Hungrily, desperate for him I pull on his hair, His teeth scrape mine, my nails dig into his skin.

I don't remember moving until he pushes me against the dorm door.

Pushing it open I fall down from him, I move quickly taking my blouse off, he unclipses my bra as I undo his belt, he takes my hair tie out as I unbutton his shirt.

I move my body on his, his lip's on my neck, sucking one hickey after the other into my skin, his teeth biting into my skin until I'm crying for him to stop.

My body shivering against his, my nails scratching his skin until I see blood.

"Mattheo" I moan, his fingers tangled with my hair, his hip's moving into mine as I moan. The pain unberable as I sit up, pushing him down I take my skirt off, He pushes himself up, kissing me so softly that it makes me whimper he pushes he trousers off and I feel him beneath me. He takes my hand's into his kissing my palms, biting them as I move my hips slowly against him.

"Mattheo" I moan again.

He helps me down, my body in sync with his as I moan. His hand's caress my body slowly, nothing is rushed as he fills me perfectly, tears in my eyes as his kisses get soft and warm as I move my hips to his.

His breathing is ragged, panting against my neck I feel myself thight around him until I finally have his lip's part for me, groaning he pushed himself into me faster.

I gasp against him, sweat dripping down my body as he pulls me into a hug, his arm's wrapped warm around me he presses a kiss to my temple.

"Don't leave me again" he says, slowly the light warms around us as I smile into him.

"As if I ever left you" I whisper and he chuckles slowly bringing his lip's back to mine.

I feel his virbation in me, he let's out a moan against me, I close my eyes the pain almost unberable as I feel myself thight around him, realeasing the preasure toward pleasure he hold's me for a while, we don't move, my body damp against his, my fingers in his, my lip's on his skin, tasting the sweat, I shiver as I feel my lip's get wet, a single tear falling in between them when I part them.

-K<3

[wishaponafullmoon]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Anxious!Reader

Summary: How Simon helps reader with their anxiety :)

Warnings: Anxiety, Vomiting, Skin Picking, Nail Biting, Panic Attacks

A/N: Aaaaa this is my first time posting anything I've written! If you have any feedback I'd love to hear it!

He would be so sweet about it ♡ He totally gets it; after years of trauma and being in the military, he is definitely familiar with anxiety. Once he knows about it, all it takes to alert him is a little tug on his sleeve, and he’ll immediately know he needs to get you outa there and calm you down.

If you take medication or do therapy, he’ll make sure you take your meds daily and get you to your appointments. He would sit in the waiting room for you ♡

When you have panic attacks, he knows exactly what to do from personal experience. He’ll make sure to ask before touching you; he knows it can be suffocating. He’ll take you to a quiet area and sit you down with some water, talking you through your breathing. If you need to throw up, he’ll hold your hair up and rub your back. He might be a little stiff, but if you need a hug or a hand to squeeze, he wouldn't be opposed.

The way you worry so much is kind of adorable to him. You remind him of a bunny rabbit a lot ♡

If you pick your skin, bite your nails, or something like that, he’ll playfully scold you when he catches you, pulling your hands from the wounded skin.

Always ready to be a shoulder to cry on♡

You were curled up on the bathroom floor, your lungs burning as you hyperventilated. Your eyes darted around the room, blurred with tears. You shook violently, sobs wracking your body. It was one of those panic attacks that spring up on you out of nowhere. You tried to slow your breath, counting five things you could see, but you couldn't think straight. The usual box method breathing wasn't working, and you were growing increasingly worried that you were going to pass out.

Simon pulled into the driveway, the brakes screeching quietly. He had just gotten back from the bar with the boys; you stayed back, not in the mood to go out. As he stepped through the front doors he called out to you, “‘M home!” …No response. Huh. Of course, Simon being the paranoid man he is,  began searching for you anxiously. Your car was still here, and all the lights were still on, so he knew you were home. He made his way to the bedroom and saw the en suite bathroom door cracked open. As he got closer, he heard quick, shallow breaths.

He rushed to open the door, finding you sitting on the cold tile with your knees tucked into your chest. He crouched down in front of you, raising his hand towards you slowly. “It’s alright, love. Can I touch you?” he says, keeping his voice low. You let out a sob and nodded. All you wanted was for Simon to hold you and make it all better. "I need you to take some deep breaths, sweetheart,” he said, maneuvering the two of you so you’re being cradled in his lap.

He began softly carding through your hair, holding your ear to his chest. He’d found that listening to his heartbeat helps to ground you. “I’m here, sweet girl,” he mumbles. He could feel your tears soaking through his T-shirt, but he didn’t mind. “Match my breathing, love,” he said, taking deep breaths. Slowly, you returned to a somewhat regular breathing pattern. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes as you recuperated. “Thank you,” you said quietly. “‘Course, love,” he said, pressing a kiss to your hairline. “Whenever you need me.”

[clownery-and-fuckery]

Headcannons for you and this one is super personal but hey its disability pride month and I figured I'd give you a taste of my tism ok? ok don't look at me.

Tech doesn't enjoy affection. At all. Unless it's him that offers it.

^ what I mean by this is that he'll offer Omega his hand while they walk for her to hold, he'll pat Hunter's arm when he's stressed/thinking hard and he'll lean on Wrecker while he works, he'll seek out Echo after nightmares for affection. But he will never, ever accept affection that isn't initiated by himself

he'll squirm out of hugs from Wrecker/Omega, he'll twist his hands out and away from Hunter and Echo, he will shrug you off if you touch him. he will push you. the only one who won't touch him is Crosshair

Hunter and Tech have very different kinds of sensory overloads. Hunter's are fast and hit hard but only once. He needs to decompress for a few hours or so, in the dark and quiet, and will mostly sleep through things, unless he gets a migraine, then he'll just be slow and sluggish for the day.

Tech, however? His are slow building and hurt. His whole body itches from the inside, to the point of burning him, and his skin is suddenly uncomfortable on his bones, his back sweats, his eyes hurt. Everything sounds wrong, even the quiet. His clothes hurt, but so does the air against his bear skin. He often needs to walk away, rip off everything, and more often than not his stimming becomes harmful. He'll pull his hair until it rips, he'll slam his fists against his head, scratch at his skin until it bleeds, bite himself to try catch the itch he can't find. They last hours, and they're exhausting. And he cannot, CANNOT, stand being around people before, during, or after. It takes a while to get used to being around people again.

Apart of Crosshair's mutation is an addiction gene- one that ran in Jango's bloodline, that was originally altered and erased in other clones, but not in Crosshair. He stims to stop it, picking at his nails and the skin around it, his lips, chewing on toothpicks, but he can't get away from it. He smoked, drank, he has many needle tracks close to his wrist so he can pick at those, too. He can't help it. He's addicted to it.

Tech has a lot of vocal stims. So does Wrecker and Hunter, often they'll repeat each other for hours, latching onto a phrase, an accent, a sound, and copy it for hours. It can get tiring. Wrecker clicks his tongue when he's working on bombs, mimicking the ticking.

Hunter clicks his fingers while he walks in crowded spots, to match his heartbeat. It's more grounding than trying to stretch his senses

Echo has phantom pains, but his bones also click and crack constantly, they sound painful, but he really doesn't feel a thing. Wrecker, Hunter and Tech latch onto the sounds sometimes, he laughs about it

Tech has headphones that he has for his s2 outfit, to replace his helmet. They muffle the sounds just fine, and he's rarely seen without them (one time, a group asked for a holo because they had "never seen an autistic person before")

^ speaking of, many people speak down around Tech once they find out he's autistic. They don't call him "normal", they instead take on that condensing tone and speak slower and start explaining things unnecessarily to him, which Tech never knows how to respond to, because he's always taken by surprise (his go-to is to just go quiet)

Hunter goes nonverbal much more often than Tech, but it's not as noticed because Tech talks so often, the silence left once he does is always picked up on

Wrecker has chronic pain, but he never mentions it. He and Echo will often rival in terms of where they are on the pain scale, but they keep that to themselves. It's something they share that no one else really goes through. It's nice that they have that.

The yellow in Tech's goggles are very soothing, to him. They keep sensory input low, and at one point, he chose to have that comfort over his own sight, until he found a way to combine them

Hunter has the perfect balance of eye contact/no eye contact. He mastered it because he's always talking to superiors

Wrecker makes too little eye contact. He tends to wander, attention wise, and he has a lot to think about

Crosshair makes too much eye contact. He's trying to kill you with his mind. He wants you to explode. He thinks he can do it if he starts at your eyes long enough. Also, it's a trained habit.

Tech makes too much or too little eye contact. Like Crosshair, eye contact is a trained habit. However. He gets told his staring is creepy. So he's very focused on timing how long he's "allowed" to look away. He tends to not listen that way. He listens better when he's not looking.

Tech can be very thrown off by a change in routine, despite their lives. If Hunter has made a plan, and changes it without warning, there's a 70% chance Tech will botch his job because he's off kilter. He gets very overwhelmed and distressed. He has a list, he has to stick to it.

Wrecker is the same, but instead of becoming distressed, he gets angry. He doesn't understand why the plan has to change immediately, its very frustrating because often times there will be no immediate explanation

I have more, but that's a look into my experience with autism through the boys. there's a few other hcs that don't really apply to the specific autism experience but that's ok. again. don't look at me.

[cas-skz]

HOOKED

Han Jisung x Fem!reader

You spend the night after what was supposed to be a casual tinder hookup with your high school crush.

18+plz&thnx!!! MDNI!!

Warnings: smut. unprotected sex. 69. creampie. cursing.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Writers note: Yeees hello. This is more brain rot that has been sitting for a few months. I didn’t like it and now I kinda do so I said fuck it. Hope you like!

cas xx

“How is it, that you’ve slept with a bunch of guys, but you don’t know how to ride dick?” Your sister teased, sitting on your bed as you dug through your closet in attempt to find something cute to wear. “Drunken one night stands in collage didn’t give me a chance” You sassed, throwing one of her shirts you had stolen in her direction.

Once you found a cute lacey top, you quickly pulled an oversized hoddie on before plopping next to your sister on the bed. "You're like a kinder surprise." She poked, grabbing the laptop and continuing her creeping on the boy you had been chatting with on Tinder, your highschool crush, Han. "What the fuck does that mean?" You question. "Boring on the outside but a surprise when you unwrap it." You couldn't help but scoff at her lame joke.

Your sister let you have the car for the night, joking she had put a tracker on it and would know if you got kidnapped. She was dramatic like that, but meant well. When you arrived at Han's house, you sent a quick 'here' text to her before hoping out and slowly walking to the front of the car, sending Han the same text. He was quick to open the door, greeting you with a hug before leading you down stairs. "Parents are out of town, but this is my little cave. Other than food, I live down here."

You had settled in rather quickly, sharing a joint with Han as you reconnected about what has been going on in your life since graduation. It wasn't long before you settled into the couch and started a movie, enough space to fit another person. You excused yourself to the bathroom, quickly texting your sister. Your chats with Han had been innocent until a few nights ago, during a game of 20 questions, you asked if he ever had a girl ride him, something that had been stuck in your mind after a specific porno had been your go to rub-bud.

Your sister replied right away, telling you to take the lead. After a quick pee, you slid from your sweater, adjusting the lace along your breasts and messing your hair a bit before returning to the couch.

“Did I miss anything good?” You question, plopping yourself directly next to Han, running your hand through your hair as you tilted your head towards him. Han struggled to find his words for a few seconds, his eyes wide and scanning your body before returning to your face. “I like your shirt. It’s a nice shirt.” He finally got out, his cheeks flushed red as he stumbled over his words.

A few moments passed, your eyes flashing from the screen to Han's hands, biting your lip as you noticed the veins that ran along his arms. Your pointer finger slowly traced along his hand and wrist, goosebumps rising under your touch. Han's hand moved onto your thigh, gripping gently as his eyes stayed mostly on the tv.

You continued to move your finger across his skin, tracing his veins, gently scratching the inside of his wrist. It wasn't very hard to notice the erection growing inside Han's sweat pants.

His hand inched up your thigh, easily spreading them slightly as his fingers found your clit and started to move slowly. The smallest moan escaped your lips, your nails digging into him slightly at the feeling of his touch.

Han moved slightly to readjust himself, a small smirk pulling at his lips as you copied, moving yourself to a more comfortable position. You leaned into Han, allowing his arm to cover yours, giving him better access to you. His fingers started movement again, slowly pleasing you over the thin fabric of your leggings.

Your hand made an attempt to slip into his pants, but was quickly cut off. "Not yet." He smirked, his fingers picking up speed.

Han’s fingers continue to move in a rhythmic motion over your leggings, soft moans leaving your lips every now and then. You couldn’t hold back when a small shutter shot through your body, allowing his name to quietly escape your mouth.

It must have struck a cord as he turned his attention away from the movie. Han’s body shifted with yours, allowing him to hover over you, his fingers still working slowly at your clit while the other roamed your body. You pulled him into you, your lips meeting with his, sharing gentle kisses while your clothes started to hit the floor.

You intensified the kiss, gently biting his lip as your hand reached down to pump his length, a beautiful thick mass curved to perfection. Han smirked proudly as you praise his cock, his fingers worked towards your entrance, teasing at first before slipping two fingers inside, his hand matching paces with your strokes.

A quiet whimper escaped your lips as his tongue slid in your mouth, fighting with yours for control. Warmth left your core as his hand wrapped around your neck, his body rolling into yours. “I want you to sit on my face.” He hissed against your lips, reversing positions so you were on top.

His hand slapped down on your ass before pulling your core towards his face, his tongue working swiftly at your clit. “Fuck Han..” you moaned quietly, your nails digging into his tights as you reach down to take his cock in your mouth.

His tongue easily worked between your folds, swirling circles and sucking at your clit. Your mouth worked on his cock but you couldn’t hold back a wave of small whines as he plunged two fingers in your hole, adding to the already incredible sensation you were feeling.

“Fuck..holy fuck I’m gonna cum.” His hand slapped down on your ass again, his movements hitting key points perfectly. You felt your peak hit, a cluster of moans and curses escaping as your body shook with pleasure.

Rotating, you pressed your lips into Han's, tongue pushing inside to tango with his. Your hips lowered, pussy sitting on his length as you grinded slowly against him, his cock sliding easily with help of your slick.

His hand slapped down on your ass again, a little harder this time. A small whine escaped your lips as your cheek started to tingle from his slaps, his hands guiding your hips as you slid along his shaft. "Cum for me again." He ordered, his hand wrapping into your hair as he moved his lips to your neck, biting and sucking at your skin.

Your nails dug into his chest as your clit twitched against him, your body starting to shake as your peak approached. Han pulled you into him, hand slapping down on your ass again as you started to cum again.

"Let me ride your cock." You say into his ear, teeth nipping at the lobe. He scooted up a bit, pulling you with him as his mouth found your breasts and you positioned yourself, teasing your entrance with his thick cock head before slowly pushing it in.

“So fucking tight." Han smirked, his eyes watching you try to take his mass, barely able to fit him in. Your hips bobbed slowly as your walls started to stretch, finally taking his full length. You whined quietly, moving yourself up and down, trying to find a comfortable pace. Your mind flashed back to the video you enjoyed and you tried to copy the motions.

Straightening yourself up, you took his full length as deep as it could go, moving back up slowly and repeating the action. You played with your breasts as you found the right pace bouncing happily.

It wasn’t long before you rolled into your third orgasm, bottoming out on Han as your legs shook violently. His hand reached up to your neck, pulling you towards him as he crashed him lips into yours, his hips thrusting hard into you. “You’re so fucking hot.” He mumbled against your lips.

The fourth orgasms came as a surprise when his thrusting turned hard and fast, skin slapping together and turning red from impact. You hid your face in his neck, muffling your screams against his skin.

His pace finally slowed and his arms swiftly flipped you and positioned you on all fours on the couch, where you slumped against the back for support. You felt fuzzy and so satisfied, you just let Han have his way with you. Dick drunk and shaking with pleasure.

He teased your entrance with the tip of his cock before slowly pushing inside, his hand slapping down and grabbing your ass as he thrusted slowly, trying his best to keep himself composed as the new position drove him crazy.

“You gonna cum for me again princess?” His words sent a shiver up your spine, no one ever gave you a pet name. You bit your lip and nodded, looking back at him as he watched himself move in and out of your tight hole.

It didn’t take long before you felt yourself peaking again, your hands grabbing the fabric of the couch as you rode out your orgasm. Han quickly pulled out, “Good girl.”

He moved himself to the floor, pulling you down onto his lap, lips finding yours immediately as you pushed his cock back inside you. Your swollen pussy hugging his length.

Your lips worked perfectly with his, soft tender kisses as you hips slowly milling with his, small bounces being added here and there. You finally managed to open your eyes, lust filled and sparkling as you look down at Han, your hands training his chest muscles down to his abs.

“I want you to cum for me.” You told him, your words making his cock twitch slightly. You smirked, leaning down so your lips were close to his ear, “Cum in my fucking pussy.” You whisper in a moan, his hand slapping down on your ass as his other reached for your neck, pulling you forward so he could look at you.

Your eyes were rolled back slightly, mouth partially open, small beads of sweat starting to pool at your hairline. Pure bliss taking over your body as you rutted against him, your combined fluids the only sound other than the moans you both shared. His cock started to twitch again, firming even more as his seed started to shoot. “Fuck…fucking cum—I’m fucking cumming.” He hissed, his hand on your ass guiding your hips quickly, allowing him to empty every bit deep inside you.

Your final orgasm rolled out with his and you swore it was from how hot he looked when he finished. His hips jerked into you a few times, before settling and you straddled his waist for a moment before sliding off, cum flowing from your pussy onto his stomach and waist. A small laugh escaped his lips, breaths calming as he looked at you, hands running over your body. “Holy shit” He moaned

You weakly laid against his body, aftershocks shooting throughout yours. You spent a while in the same position, chatting and giggling about common interests before getting up to shower.

You texted your sister that you were staying the night and threw your phone to the side, joining Han in his bed as he turned a movie on and cuddled close to you before falling asleep just before you did.

The next morning you woke up alone and groaned while stretching. You grabbed one of Han’s shirts and followed the music coming from the upstairs kitchen.

“I hope you like blueberry pancakes.” He said as you walked in the kitchen, stopping in his tracks when he saw you. “You look so beautiful.”

You blushed a deep red as you made your way over to him, quickly kissing his cheek before ripping a piece of pancake and eating it. You hopped on the counter, poking his nose. “Thank you handsome. I might steal this, it’s comfy.” You smiled

“Does that mean every time you come here, you’re gonna steal my clothes?” He laughed, going over to you and rubbing his nose against yours before deeply kissing you.

You draped your arms over his shoulders, playing with the hair on the back of his head as you returned the kiss. “I just might.” You giggled against his lips.

[soobberries]

Bf!Jake // ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 * .♡ *:･ﾟ✧

Some random headcanons I wrote in one sitting after seeing a cute Jake gifset and getting in my minor feels. He's not even my bias help me-

Nothing explicit, just some suggestive things here and there but it's like barely there so it's a pretty safe read!

Let me know if I should make a full blown Jake fic or just a full blown headcanon 🥺 ‎♡

Boyfriend Jake who you have giggle fits after just glancing at each other from across the room due to the same braincell activating, or giggle fits at 3am and both of you trying to shush the other saying you're too loud and proceeding to laugh harder.

Boyfriend Jake that bites his lip as he looks you up and down before going out to an event, absolute stars in his eyes. Stumbling as he utters out how amazing you look, his eyes showing how they're both wholesome and very much not wholesome thoughts going through his head right now, but instead of trying to speak he just picks your hand and maybe kisses it before intertwining your fingers, with a wide grin on his face knowing your his.

Boyfriend Jake that will go out of his way to bug you or mess with you because he thinks it's cute when you whine at him or get upset. Only if you seem like your on the edge will he chuckle and kiss your cheek saying woops, or otherwise hugging you tightly with a 'I'm sorry baby~^^'. He has a shit eating grin when he's messing with you too. And he will happily say 'alright I'll stop [blank] if you kiss me?'

Boyfriend Jake that sees you shaking your leg, biting at your nails or lip, picking skin, or literally any nervous type of tic you may have, and he gently places his hand wherever he sees fit (on your leg or in your hand or on your cheek) either leaving it at that to calm you down or he asks you if you're okay, or need anything.

Boyfriend Jake laughing when you don't know something but patiently going through the topic so you understand it and is so attentive to your questions and won't stop till you're certain you got it or are comfortable.

Boyfriend Jake who sets up the most Netflix romcoms esc dates. Having a date in the back of a truck or in the boot of the car where he hung up fairy lights and messily threw some blankets, saying he ordered some food but for now he brought snacks (chocolate strawberries or smth). Candle lit dinners or baths. Dancing in the living room after watching a silly movie. A beach date where he definitely accidently got sand in a sandwich. (no pun intended).

Boyfriend Jake who's laugh is so boyish it transports you back to the free feeling of being a kid and brings you the most bursting joy in your chest. Bring out the child in you because you're able to feel so safe around him.

Boyfriend Jake accidently forgetting an important date but has the most heartfelt ways of apologising or making up for it, not stopping until you're alright again. Proceeds to label ever date for the foreseeable future afterwards too.

Boyfriend Jake who stares at you intently at events or parties, blatantly undressing you and losing interest in the conversation he's currently in. Not bothering to excuse himself from the conversation with a friend (probably receiving an eye roll from the other person) only going straight to you and wrapping his arm around your waist and even in front of people would with no shame be 'hi (any pet name he feels like or nickname), did you know you look dazzling tonight?' or something cheesy like that and even if you're in a convo he either asks to steal you away or if you're very occupied he'll lean his head down into you while he waits, or he'll back hug you, nuzzling his head in your neck, sometimes discreetly placing kisses on skin he has access to, maybe even a bite if he wants.

Boyfriend Jake who always tries his best to accommodate your friends and give off a good impression to anyone you trust to introduce him to. He will be doing his absolute most to show how well he's taking care of you and how you're in capable safe hands and he'd also show how he mutually leans on you.

Boyfriend Jake that would try and get to you as soon as he can if you call him after a nightmare or during a breakdown, fighting for his damn life to see you and be there for you. Will lose sleep if necessary.

Boyfriend Jake who remembers you saying you like a certain snack and buying it for when he next sees you if he can.

Boyfriend Jake who sometimes writes things down about you so he never forgets.

Boyfriend Jake who gets you matching charms or bracelets or rings... Literally anything.

Boyfriend Jake who if he has a lot of free time with you, will spend his time hugging and cuddling with you from behind regardless of what you're doing. If you're playing games, studying, working, cooking, literally anything. He's being a koala bear and just shoving his face in your neck, maybe even falls asleep but is just happy to hold you.

Boyfriend Jake who has you laying on his lap, and when you smile up at him, arrows hit his heart and he has a grin that hurts his cheeks just at the sight of you.

He's such a hopeless romantic bye.

He is the second lead in dramas and movies and you always root for them or somehow wish they were endgame. HE'S THAT GUY. he's always second place but takes place in everyone else's hearts as first. He is textbook boy next door in the best way and he's just... Idk he's so lovely bye.

[duc-kie]

may i ever so humbly request a fred x genderfluid!reader (but with fem anatomy) fic where he basically sees them super stressed out and "takes care" of them for the night which mostly consists of him really slowly, gently fucking them and then absolutely destroying them until they exhaust themselves and then cuddles to sleep??

I fucking love tumblr. yall are so smart.

fred weasley x afab!reader smut

———————————————————————

“good afternoon baby” said fred happily walking into your room. “what do you want fred?” you groaned while rubbing your head. “whoa! someone’s moody today. are you okay?” said fred walking to you and leaning on your desk with a slightly concerned look in his eyes. “yeah I’m fine. can you please leave I really have to study.” you said looking back down at your book. “darling you’ve been studying for days, I’m sure you’ll be fine. come here let me help you destress” said fred reaching his arms out to pick you up. you gave in and let him carry you.

he gently laid you down on the bed. he got on top of you and started slowly taking your clothes off while kissing you everywhere he possibly could. when he unclipped and removed your bra his mouth almost immediately attacked your nipples while his hand were gently massaging your shoulders. you couldn’t help but let out quiet, satisfied moans every now and then. fred’s head was slowly moving down your body leaving wet, open mouth kisses. he took your panties off and licked up you thigh. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, princess” said fred before his head dived in between your legs.

his tongue and lips were doing wonders on your clit while he pushed a finger inside of you making you moan in pleasure. your hand found it’s way down to his hair. he soon added another finger while still eating you out. “fuck you taste so good” said fred. that was enough for you to start feeling the heat in your lower stomach. “fuck! i’m gonna cum” you warned him before letting go all over his tongue. he got up and immediately kissed you. “can you taste yourself baby?” he said and you nodded.

he smiled and stood up to take his clothes on. you could see his erection hit his abs as soon as he removed his boxers. the red tip and the leaking pre-cum let you know he’s been hard for a while, it almost looked painful. he stroked himself a few times before getting on top of you and kissing you again.

he pushed his dick inside of you with a groan. he slowly thrusted into you. “please go faster” you breathed out and he obliged. “mgh it feels so good” you moaned out causing fred to go even faster. “you feel so fucking good around my cock” he said while speeding up even more. he was fucking you faster than he ever has before and you weren’t complaining. tears started running down your cheeks and you were a moaning mess. “do you see what you do to me hm? I can’t control myself when in with you” he said right before he attacked your collarbones with his mouth. he was kissing, sucking and biting at the soft skin making sure to leave marks. “I’m close” is all you managed to say between your moans. “hold it for a little longer baby” he said smirking at you. your nails were scratching his back trying to find balance. “fred I can’t hold it anymore” you cried out. when he gave you the green light you let go completely, cumming all over his dick while he came inside you. your legs were shaking and you were struggling to breathe. he thrusted into you a few more times before collapsing on the bed next to you. he pulled you into a long hug. he then got up to clean you and himself up.

when you were both cleaned up he got in the bed with you pulling the sheets over your naked bodies. you laid your head down on his bare chest and he wrapped his arm around your waist. the other hand was playing with your hair. “I love you so much” said fred while lovingly kissing your forehead. “I love you too” you answered closing your exhausted eyes. it didn’t take long for you both to fall asleep holding each other.

[angel-gone-dark]

He's Got His Mother's Hips - 1 [Bus Stop Blue]

Self indulgent ass fic where I'm in South Park because... why not. FT. April because she's the hottest bitch in town <3

CW: Slur usage, swearing. You know how these boys are.

He leaned against the sign for the bus stop, sighing in the cold mountain air. The chill was nothing he wasn’t used to, being from New Hampshire originally. Colorado was almost no different- just flatter. He yawned, burying his face in his phone to read fanfiction as he waited, earbuds filling his ears with his favorite tunes. 

Cartman stuck his chunky arms out, stopping most of his friend group in their tracks. 

“Who the fuck is that??” He scoffed. 

“How would we fucking know?” Kyle snapped. “It’s a public bus stop, fatass, he can stand there.”

“He’s in my fucking spot.” 

“You can’t own a spot, dipshit.” Kyle huffed, glancing at his phone. They were way too early for the bus, as usual.

The short boy bobbed his head to whatever song was in his ears, his half-up half-down hair moving with him. The boys squinted at the stranger, looking him up and down. He had mostly brunette hair framing his jaw, but the tips were dyed blue. His pale face was round and covered in freckles, red cheeks from the cold hidden under crooked and broken silver wire framed glasses. He was chubby, but not in the same way as Eric. Kyle couldn’t help but think it suited him. He was in ratty clothes- worn jeans and a baggy hoodie with holes in it. His shoes were clearly old, the tips of the toes nearly worn through. He caught their gazes, and he gave a half-hearted wave before looking back downwards. His free hand picked at the skin around his nails.

Stan nearly said something until a surprise hug from Butters knocked the air out of him and Kenny. The bleached boy coughed hard, wheezing.

“Christ almighty, Butters, don’t fucking scare me like that!” He shoved his friend lightly. “I almost hit you.”

“Gee, sorry Stan! Oh, who’s that?” The platinum haired fellow didn’t even wait for an answer, bounding with lanky legs up to the new kid. “Hi there!”

His head slowly raised, eyebrows knit together in concern as the hand that didn’t hold his phone reached up and took out one earbud. 

“H-hey..?” 

“Heya! I’m Leopold, but everybody jus’ calls me Butters! Good t’ meetya!” He stuck out a hand, jolly. The small guy swallowed thickly with his nerves.

“...L-Leigh.” He shook Butters’s hand gently. 

“You’re new here, right?”

“No shit, Butters.” Cartman cut in. “You’re in my spot, fag.”

“My bad.” The brunette, now identified as Leigh, mumbled. He scooted away from the signpost. 

“Yeah, your fucking bad, Douchebag.” He huffed, taking ‘his’ spot back. Stan and Kyle rolled their eyes while Kenny attempted to light a cigarette, uncaring.

“Damn lighter.” He grumbled. It was probably out of fluid because of his older brother, Kevin, stealing it for a while. “Huh?”

The strange little guy had, unthinking, lit his own lighter and held it to the cigarette in Kenny’s lips. He briefly noticed that the design was a mouth with bloody fangs, red text spelling out ‘BITE ME’ underneath. He nodded in thanks.

“You smoke?” He asked.

“Absolutely not.” That made Kenny laugh, ending on a wheeze.

“Why do you have a lighter then?” The other boy shrugged.

“Looks cool.” Kenny couldn’t argue with that assessment. 

“What else you got in your bag?” He raised his brow.

“Uhhh, TicTacs, chapstick… stuff…” He swallowed. He perked back up when the bus pulled in, waving at them lightly before rushing on.

“Good.” Cartman huffed. “I don’t wanna talk to him ever agai- OH GOD DAMMIT.”

Butters shook his head, grabbing Leigh’s hand and tugging him up. 

“That’s Eric’s seat, silly. Come sit with me!” Leigh looked up at him in awe, as the blonde tugged him to nearly sit in his lap as he squished in with Kenny.

The brunette squeaked. A tiny girl a few seats in front of them popped her head up and glared at his kidnapper.

“Stotch, you’re scaring the pants off of him. Come sit up here, hon.” She offered, and he gladly moved with a relieved sigh. “Hi, I’m April.”

He smiled lopsidedly as she shook his hand with delicate grace. 

“‘M Leigh. G-good to meet you, thanks for the save.” He expressed, giving her hand a light squeeze, being careful of her nails. They looked good, painted with a practiced precision.

“No worries. Cartman eats every new kid alive, and Leo can be a lil’ suffocating.” Leigh nodded.

“You said it, April.” Having one friend was a relief in this place, at least.

word count: 752

[louscartridge]

⇢ ˗ˏˋselenite

han jisung x gn reader

cw- could be really fucking triggering!! selfharm (cutting, burning, hitting, nail/skin picking, working out), comfort, cuddling, reader and jisung say ily, crying, reader goes on a vent, reader has a bit of an anger and pain problem.

han could tell you were having a hard time with staying clean.

the way you would bite your nails and the skin around them more than usual, the way you would bite the inside of your mouth and tongue all the time, they way you would hit your thighs whenever you would get mad. you wouldn’t tell him anything about it though, you didn’t have to.

when han got back to the dorms, he didn’t expect to see you there at all, let alone see you with your arms hugging your knees to your chest, head buried inbetween them and sobbing silently.

han quickly sets his bag down next to the door and makes his way over to you on his bunk. “jagiya, whats wrong?” he asks carefully.

of course he’d had ideas of what might be wrong, but he also couldn’t know for sure if he was correct. he knew that if he was right, he needed to at least try to help you in some way, but he also knew if he was way off, he had to tread around it carefully.

you take in a long, shaky breath before answering. “i cant do it anymore ji”

jisung’s heart dropped at your words.

“do what anymore?”

“stay clean. i hate it. all of it. everyone keeps telling me i’ve been nicer since i’ve been clean.” you wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve before continuing. “which is bullshit, by the way, i dont think i’ve been acting any different. i’m mad. all the time. i mean, i was before but whenever i would get mad i was able to do something about it. now? i can’t do shit.”

your crying begins to stop as you speak and the anger in your voice slowly increases.

“felix keeps telling me i can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy now. which yeah, you could say that- but it’s stupid. ive tried other things, healthy things. but nothing works. pain was.. is, the only thing that actually helps me. with everything.  pain is the only thing that would bring me back. i would cut and burn and hit to feel it. to see it. to see and feel that i’m real. it would bring my anger back down. i would punch a wall so hard my hand would hurt, i would throw something so hard to where my shoulder would ache. pain is the only fucking way and now i can’t even do that. i need to relapse soon or i swear to god i’m gonna go fucking insane.”  

“changbin hyung says i can go to the gym with him, which i think i might do.”

jisung did nothing but gaze at you and listen until he was sure you were done. something he knew no one ever really did in your life.

when you finished and looked at him, he prepared his response.

“i know you hate it, but it’ll be worth it. eventually. and you have been nicer, to an extent.” han said and moved so he was sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“i’m pretty sure thats just how you are though.” he laughs. “and felix is right, in a way. you can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy. it might feel like it doesn’t do anything but you just gotta get used to it and you will. it’s just gonna take time and this is the hardest part. you gotta put the effort in - you can’t just do something once and expect it to work overnight, you have to put work into it for it to have an affect on your life. something you do a lot is rely on other people.”

“oh but i thought-” you began.

jisung cut you off, knowing what he had said sounded harsh and knowing what you were going to say. ‘oh, but i thought you were ok with that’.

“you can rely on me all you want, that’s fine, as long as you know its not exactly heathy. but you can’t really do that with other people. i know pain has always been a big thing for you, has been since we met. but it’s not something that you should keep doing and you know it. do you think you’ll be able to trust yourself to work out with changbin without turning it into self-harm again?”

“i don’t know, thats why i haven’t gone with him yet. i think if i do it with someone else i would be able to. but probably not if i were to work out by myself.”

han sighed and went to say something but you didn’t let him.

“can we just go to sleep please? i’m so tired and i miss you.” you ask, your voice getting quiet.

“of course jagi.”

han moves behind you and spoons you as you both lay down.

you bury your face in his arms that encircle you.

“i love you. so much. so does chan, and felix, and everyone else in this dorm. just not as much as i do obviously.” han says quietly.

the last part of his sentence made you giggle.  

“you’re becoming yourself again. it might not feel like it yet, but i can see it in you.” han says and kisses your shoulder.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his hands as you both fall asleep.

[rayslittlekitten]

⭐⭐⭐

Thanks for your interest! Wow. I didn't know which one to pick when I saw your ask. I didn't have any particular fic I'm dying to talk about but since I had talked about this particular fic with a close friend last night, I'll talk about it again.

"Breathe Again" took a while to nail down because I was going for something very specific which I wasn't 100% sure what it was yet. I guess that's part of the process of writing, but particularly the beginning before the flashback, I wanted to really capture the sadness and heartache.

You’ve come to the slow realization that there is no one else out there like Ray. Date after date, prospect after prospect, you’ve tried to ask your potential partners for certain things and they couldn’t give you what you wanted - what you needed. It’s not their fault though. They just weren’t compatible with you. Honestly, it doesn't matter how compatible they could be with you. They’re simply not Ray. You thought they could help distract you from thinking about Ray, but everything reminds you of him. You can’t even indulge in marijuana anymore without thinking of him. You take a long pull of the joint held between your fingers and inhale deeply, letting your lungs fill up. Slowly exhaling, you fill the space around you. You take another drag or two before leaving it in an ashtray. You’re haunted by him; his ghost still lingers in your flat. Even after all this time, you still so desperately crave his touch, his discipline, his embrace, his praise, his command, his love and adoration. There was just something so intimate about leaving yourself so vulnerable to him and that was how you connected. Everything he did to you - for you, brought you peace. He quieted all the noise in your head, as you did for him. With your eyes closed, you bring your fingers to your throat, lighting caressing it, then moving to wrap them around your neck. You don’t put any pressure on it, just let it sit snugly. Your hand is not as big as Ray’s but it still brings you some comfort, imagining it’s his. Your skin memorized his every touch, every hold, every grip, every caress, every slap, every bite, every kiss, every hug. He knew how to manipulate your body and mind so well, they always reacted to him so gracefully and naturally. You caress the side of your neck with your thumb before bringing your fingers up to grip your jaw, just like the way Ray used to.

I probably wrote and rewrote this many many times because I wanted it to be perfect. In fact, the part with her touching her own neck and imagining Ray was kinda inspired by my own habit of constantly caressing and touching my own throat and neck just out of sheer comfort. (Yes, i'm a weirdo). And I was probably a bit high when I did it one time and instantly I tapped into the reader's mind and what she may be going through and all these words just threw up onto the computer screen. I can be a bit methodical when it comes to writing and getting into the psyches of the characters so I did cry and I was sad and my heart did hurt while writing this but I feel like it makes the writing all the better.

Then of course the next chapter was even more heart-wrenching and you know if you've read it. Lots of crying on my end as well. It was therapeutic to write. I've been struggling with the chapter that follows it because again, I want to nail it. It's very much like "Breathe Again" but in Ray's POV. I want to make sure I know what I want to show and then actually make sure it gets across effectively.

Also sometimes it takes me listening to a super sad playlist on repeat to really get in the mood and me helping these characters figure out what they're feeling and what they want.

Fanfic Writers Director's Cut ask

[westernbitch]

Chapter 13!! ***SMUT ALERT!!

I pick myself up off the floor. I feel the swelling starting in my jaw and on my throat. I can't breath. Rip is holding the man who grabbed me. He threw him on the ground and stood on his chest. "You fucking put her in a god damn choke hold!" He was digging his heel into the mans chest, he was wheezing. I turn to see Beth, screaming at the woman. "You fucking bitch, don't you ever touch my daughter!" She slaps the woman and I wince. Lloyd runs in and pulls Rip off of the man. "Son, you can't kill him. Teeter, get Beth!" Teeter follows the order and runs to get Beth. I hear people yelling and punches being thrown. Ryan comes to me and scoops me up in his arms. "Miss Dutton, I am going to get you out of here, okay?" I shake my head. "Please, Ryan, I need Tyler. Where is he?" He carries me out of the bar. 

He gets me to a truck and lays me inside. He starts the truck and starts driving. "Ryan!" I scream as I see the blood flowing from my side. I lift my shirt to show him. "Just hang in there, we are fifteen miles from the hospital." His voice shakes as he drives. Colby unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs in the back of the truck. He puts his hand on the wound and applies pressure. Ryan flashes his lights and starts the sirens. Rain is falling hard on the pavement as he pulls into the drive at the emergency room. 

I feel the glass shred through my skin as the doctor picks out the pieces. "John, thankfully, her lungs are fine. The hit must have caused the air to be knocked out of her and the glass was pushed in to where she couldn't breath fully." I turn my head and wince as the glass is pulled. I start to thrash and pull away. Tyler climbs in the bed. He looks in my eyes and is holding me while they remove the glass. I scream into his chest. He holds me and moves his hand to the back of my head. The curtain rips back. "Oh my god, Evy, please be okay!" I lift my head to see Rip running in. He kneals down by the bed and starts to cry. "Daddy, I am fine. Don't freak out, it was just a couple pieces of glass." His eye is busted and his hands are bleeding. "I was so worried baby, please forgive me. I should have been there faster." I hug him. "Nurse! Please check these men out. Tyler has a busted eyebrow and a slice running down the arm. The man in black is Rip, he is allergic to penicillins.  He has a busted forehead and knuckles." The nurse nods and takes them to a side table. I shiver, Tyler was so warm next to me. John moves into the bed and wraps his arm around me while the doctor removes the last pieces of glass. I can't feel the tears in my skin. The nurse gave me meds, thank god. "Honey, do you need anything?" I point to my purse and Lynelle gives it to me. I get out my compact and look in the mirror. My cheek is busted and bleeding, my eyes are bright red. John grabs the mirror and looks into it. "Shit, I look worse than you do." 

I feel Tyler looking at me. "Ty, I am fine, please stop looking at me like a lost puppy." He bites his nails and looks back at the road. He turns into the ranch and goes toward the house. I open the door and groan. I wince, the stitches in my side start pulling at the movement. Tyler runs to my side and tries to help. "Ty, please just stop for a second." He stands in place, holds me up in the truck. Rip and John walk to us. "Sir, can you help me? I can't get her in without hurting her. I don't know how to make it easier for her." I push myself down and muffle my screams. Every step I let out a whine. "Sir," Tyler tries to come to me and help but Rip holds him back. "Son, if you step in, it may hurt her worse, just let her guide and we follow." I stumble a bit on the stairs and Tyler grabs my waist. I look at him, I feel stupid with the tears running down my face. He scoops me into his arms and carries me up the stairs and to my room. He lays me on the the bed, but I grab his jacket. "Please don't leave, I don't want to think about tonight, Ty. Please." I plead and then look at my dad and grandpa. "Tyler, I swear to god, no grandbabbies yet." Rip looks serious. I can't help but laugh when I look at John, his eyes were wide open. Beth pops her head in the door and tells me she loves me.

Tyler paces the floor for a bit and finally looks to me. I slide up and try to take my shirt off but I feel the stitches pulling. I start crying, then it turns to a sob. I feel the anger from tonight seeping out of me. Tyler comes to me and gets his pocket knife out and cuts the shirt from me. This makes me cry more. Ty takes off his t-shirt and slides it over my head. I lower my back to the bed and let him remove my boots and then my jeans. "Not the way I imagined you taking my pants off, Ty." He laughs, removes his cowboy hat and kisses my thigh. All the pain I had been feeling left my mind. I sigh and my body is begging for more of him. He kisses my thigh again and moves to the other closer to my panty line. I feel my head spinning. He slides his hand under my under wear on my hip. I feel my heart rate raise. He places a kiss closer to where I want and I let my legs fall on each side of him, giving him access to whatever he wants. He slides my thong down my legs and throws them aside.  He moves my thighs onto his shoulders and makes his way down. I feel the wind leave my lungs. My head spins from pleasure as he moves his tongue. I let out a gasp. He looks up, "baby, I want this, but I can't do this if it hurts you." I push his head back down. I feel him working faster than before. I grab the comforter and hold it in a attempt to gain control. "Ty. Oh my god please!" He picks his head up immediately. I groan in anger, "Dick". He smiles and unbuttons his pants. I try to lift myself, "Nah, baby, let me please you tonight." He pulls it out. Fucking hell. "Ty, I want this but I don't know about that." I look at it and laugh when it stares back. "Baby, I will be gentle. If you want me to stop, I stop. You are in charge of judging what you can take." He pulls out his wallet to get a condom. "Wow," I laugh as he slides it on. "If you get pregnant, your dad would hang me." I laugh, but suck in the air as he puts it in. Holy shit. "Are you okay?" I nod, hiding the fear. He puts it in further and I grab his arm. He is slowly moving in and out. I roll my head back, trying not to finish before he puts it all the way in. "Baby, I can handle it. If it hurts, we can deal with the pain after." He pushes himself in me all the way. Again and again. The pleasure is coming to a peak again. I grip to him as my legs start to shake. He doesn't stop, I feel the pleasure running through me, now making my mind go blank. He pumps into me deeper. "Fuck Evy," he growls and leans down to give me a kiss. "Wait til you don't have stitches, I will blow your mind baby."

[trashydemigodmess]

new athens, 2023

“There were pages turned with the bridges burned, Everything you lose is a step you take. So make the friendship bracelets, Take the moment and taste it, You've got no reason to be afraid.” — you’re on your own, kid, taylor swift

Grace couldn’t remember the last time she actually just stood on a curb, waiting to get picked up at the airport. Normally, a driver was waiting with a car at the ready, a luxury both of them could easily afford and save Dex the long drive. But no, no, he had insisted. 

The Winter air was sharp and biting. Even with the sun beating down and reflecting against the snow, Grace found herself shivering. AirPod Max’s slung over her ears, big sunglasses over her eyes, and a beanie left her virtually inconspicuous among the other travelers waiting. There was a certain sort of energy in the air, the excitement about arriving somewhere new. With the amount that she flew, nothing phased Grace much. But this time she couldn’t deny the buzzing under her skin. She’d stood far enough down the sidewalk that it was sparse, and when Dex’s Range Rover came rolling up to the curb, no one even batted an eye.

That is, until he almost jumped out of the car in excitement. Grace pointed a wordless, warning finger at him, eyes wide. If they see you we’ll cause a scene. The dramatic eye roll was obvious, even behind his sunglasses. So he slumped back into the driver’s seat, popping the trunk for her to drop her bags.

“I was going to be a gentleman and help you with your big ass suitcases.” Dex pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head while she climbed into the car. Before Grace could get a word in, he broke out into a squeal and swallowed her in a bear hug, enveloping her in his strong arms and warm, spicy cologne, holding on tight. He gave amazing hugs, she’d almost forgotten. She squeezed him back, but upon pulling away had a more pressing matter,

“You’re glowing.” Was all she managed to sputter out.

“Oh, yeah.” Dex shrugged and looked down at himself, “Spray tan. I can’t stand being pale as shit in the winter—”

“No like, your aura.” She blinked, taking it all in. “You’re just…glowing.”  He looked healthy. And happy, and relaxed, and so perfectly himself. Golden curls and golden skin. Ocean eyes and that lazy, charming smile. He was an effortlessly handsome Ken doll. If Ken liked vintage t-shirts and tattoos and glittery nail polish.

“Oh lord,” Dex scoffed, putting his hands back on the steering wheel and pulling off from the curb. “You sound so LA it’s stupid.”

“Shut up, I mean it!” Grace laughed, turning to watch the landscape as they drove by. “But now,” She drawled, “Since we have like two hours ahead of us, tell me everything.”

—————

It was a bit shocking driving into New Athens. 

They were passing through what seemed like a secluded, wooded road, just for it to suddenly open up to a sprawling town out of nowhere. Grace couldn’t even remember the moment it appeared. Like it was magic (Because it is magic, Dex had reminded her). The town felt new and modern, yet ancient and imposing all at the same time. Gorgeous Greek statues mixed with a picturesque town square that’d give Gilmore Girls a run for its money.

Dex’s apartment was small. Perfectly decorated and suited for him, but small. You walked into an open concept area. With a living room that could fit his huge couch, a dining area with a table for six, and a kitchen that had an island in the middle of it. Off the living room was a hallway that led to the bedrooms, and—

“You only have one bathroom?”

“I know,” He sighed, carrying the last of Grace’s bags into the spare room. “I was in my leaving fame behind, minimalism era. Blah, blah, blah.” He made a gagging noise. “I’m so over it. I need an actual closet so fucking bad, I’m like, dying.”

Grace followed him into the room. He’d pulled out the couch in his music room into a bed and pushed everything else out of the way to make it as acceptable of a guest room as possible. It was quaint and cute. Weirdly humble considering the kind of place Dex could easily afford.

“Does this mean you want to move somewhere bigger?” Grace prodded, taking a seat on the bed. “Maybe with your cute boyfriend?”

“Jesus Christ, you just got here,” Dex laughed, “Can we take a sec before you start interrogating me?”

“I’m just saying,” Her shrug was innocent, “You’ve been together for what? A year? Isn’t that like, forever in gay years or something?”

“Oh my gods,” Dex pinched the bridge of his nose, too exasperated to even correct her. But regardless, he folded. “Hopefully this year, okay? Like, soon. I haven’t said anything to him about it yet.”

Grace relaxed onto the bed, perfectly satisfied. If she was already pulling these things out within just minutes of being in his home, she wondered how much else she’d learn in the next few days.

—————

They spent most of the weekend filming silly TikTok dances and playing Mario Kart. They drank mocktails and karaoked to Britney Spears and old Country songs in the living room, went shopping and visited some friends in the city. Grace met all of his friends in town and was pleased to find them friendlier than the usual crowd from LA. Dex made her possibly the best shrimp scampi she’d ever had in her life, and he’d already given her two books and a jacket to take back in her suitcase.

“This is why people think we’re in love.” She sighed as Dex held out the sunglasses that were previously on his head. “I’m spotted getting off a plane in New York, then the next week I’m suddenly wearing your clothes around LA.”

“Okay, well, those people are conspiracy theorists who still refuse to believe I’ve ever touched a dick.” Dex shrugged matter of factly, “And they look so much better on you, anyways.”

Grace took them and tossed them into her purse.

They were sitting in a cozy corner of the cafe. Away from most of the people, though it didn’t really matter either way. She’d seen a few surprised looks as they walked around town, but truly no one had batted an eye or stopped them. It all felt so…chill, it was nice. She took a sip of her latte,

“Do you plan on staying here?”

He nodded. “I feel normal here. No one can take sneaky pictures or leak shit to the internet because it’ll blow the whole secret of this place. I could buy a house and still have enough left over to never work again in my life.” Dex had gotten an iced coffee—even though it was January. He took a sip before continuing, “I might get an apartment or something in LA just to have somewhere to stay when I’m there, but that’s it.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Does that mean you’d want to do music or acting again someday?”

Dex hesitated, then sighed, shoulders deflating. “Yeah.”

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”

“Well, it’s fucking terrifying.”

The words were so matter of fact, like he was already convinced of the worst, which did nothing but make Grace frown. “What’s terrifying you about it?”

Dex had explained how New Athens stayed temperate all year round, only slightly adjusting to the seasons. So while there wasn’t any snow on the ground here, it was still gloomy and wintery today. Clouds hung low and bleak in the sky, kind of like the look on Dex’s face. “Everything.” He frowned in return, “People hating me. Losing everything I have here.”

“Why do you think they would hate you?”

Dex’s frown turned into contempt, a shadow of a much larger rage she used to know, “Because I’m what my dad and half of the fucking country hates.” He’d given up on swirling the straw in his drink and huffed, folding his arms over his chest. But that was the extent of it. No hurricane of emotion came barreling in. Dex was just upset and open, letting the hurt speak for itself. “Like, it made sense to hate me for being a dick. But now they’re just going to hate me for being me.”

Grace felt the way his words landed. Heavy and loaded and full of sadness. She wished it was as easy as just telling him none of that was true. “Well, why do their opinions matter if they’re not your audience anyways?”

She could tell she struck the root of the issue with how his face scrunched up. He didn’t seem to have an answer, but his Dad seemed to be a big shard of unresolved business wedged into his heart.

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.” Grace continued, “If you miss it so much, how are you going to know if you don’t at least try? I think there’s a whole new audience out there who’d be really excited to get to know you. This version of you.”

Dex didn’t say anything for a moment, just stared out the window at the people passing by. His voice was quieter, more vulnerable. “What if it’s all too much and I lose Ben?”

Grace shook her head, “First of all, I don’t think Ben is going anywhere.” Getting to watch them interact had been one of her favorite parts of being here. Ben was sweet. Quiet at first, but very easy to get along with and warmed up to her quickly. She’d had the privilege of watching Dex relax into himself over the years, but there was something so heartwarming watching him be soft and gentle and someone loving him softly and gently in return, treating him with the care and respect he deserved. Ben had her seal of approval within a day of being there.

“Second, if it gets to be too much and puts a strain on your relationship, you stop. Or you change your plan. No one’s telling you what to do anymore. You’re your own boss.”

Dex didn’t look fully convinced, but something in his face had definitely softened. “It all sounds too easy.”

“Because it is easy. I turned down a gig because I wanted to come here instead. No one gave a shit.” Grace looked around as if to prove her own point. “You have all the tools at your disposal. The only thing holding you back is yourself.”

Dex contemplated this, then dropped his head back against the booth, “Why do you gotta be so goddamn wise all the time?”

—————

“Seriously,” Grace warned, “If you even step foot in LA for 24 hours you better fucking text me. No more of this waiting two years to see you bullshit.”

“I will, I will! I promise.” Dex squeezed her hands. They were sitting in his car, back again at the curb at the airport. They’d been idling there for at least a minute, not ready to accept the inevitable fate of Grace needing to get out of the car.

Finally, Dex pulled her into a warm hug. His voice was soft against her ear, “Thanks for everything.”

It felt so silly how this, of all things, almost made her cry. She hugged him back tightly. “Of course. I’m so proud of you.”

At least she wasn’t alone, because when she pulled away she watched Dex brush a hand under his eyes, jostling the sunglasses on his face. “Fuck,” He sniffled, “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Finally, Grace opened the door and retrieved her suitcase from the trunk. She moved to wave one last time, but found Dex rolling down the window, peering over the rim of his sunglasses,

“Text me your thoughts on the book too.”

Grace shook her head and laughed, hoisting her suitcase onto the curb, “I can’t believe you’re making me read fairy porn.”

As she turned to start walking inside, she could hear the grin on his face as he called back to her. “You’re gonna love it!”