#ht: girl dinner!

[randomprose]

“What the fuck are you eating?”

“Uhh,” He Tian looks up from his spread of instant noodles, an unpeeled boiled egg, a half pack of Hot Cheetos, a banana, and two Monster drinks all bought from the convenience store a block away from their apartment. “Girl dinner?”

“A what?” Mo Guan Shan looks at He Tian like he just spoke another language as he puts down the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter.

“You know,” He Tian makes a vague waving motion with his hand that’s not submerge inside the Cheeto packet. “Girl dinner.”

Mo Guan Shan continues to stare at him like he’s gone crazy—which, to be fair, is a look he gives He Tian at least once a day since they’ve known each other.

“Girl dinner! From TikTok! How can you not know what girl dinner is?!”

“You keep saying that like it actually means something.” The condescending look Mo Guan Shan shoots He Tian is enough to put a lesser man to shame. 

But! He Tian is not, and therefore, undeterred. Besides, he gets that look from Mo Guan Shan often enough that he’s built up an immunity. So, he just puts down his chopsticks, licks his hands clean of Cheeto dust, and pulls out his phone to open TikTok.

“Wait. Lemme show you. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of girl dinner. It’s all over TikTok.”

“And what the hell is a TikTok?”

“Ah, sorry. I meant, Douyin. TikTok is just what they call it in the states.”

“If it’s the same then just fucking say Douyin.”

“Whatever. Come here and watch this.”

Mo Guan Shan walks to where He Tian is seated on the couch. He’s pulled up a video and in it, the person is eating…a macaroni and cheese in a wine glass. What the hell. The audio is in English but Mo Guan Shan has taken enough lessons to understand what it says. And then it’s followed by a ridiculous tune singing 'girl dinner' over and over.

He Tian scrolls to more videos and all of them are just food combinations that get more and more appalling to Mo Guan Shan.

A half-eaten sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk, coleslaw and beer, chicken nugget dinosaurs and a couple of cheese cubes. He even saw one that was just a slice of cold pizza and her…anti-depressants.

“What the fuck.”

“See, the idea is it’s not a full meal,” He Tian explains. “Just whatever you have that you can eat because it’s just dinner anyway.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Mo Guan Shan says. “What the fuck.”

“You have to admit though. Infainess to me, I’m eating way better than these people,” He Tian says as he scrolls through his feed, shovelling more Cheetos into his mouth. “I mean, now that I think about it, this isn’t actually girl dinner at all! I’ve got carbs, protein, sugars—hell, I even have a fruit. This is basically a full course meal, yeah?

Mo Guan Shan’s eyes look between He Tian and the spread he has on the coffee table before once again leveling him with a stare that implies he’s gone insane. He’s not sure if he’s being serious or messing with him because He Tian’s relationship with food has always been weird in Mo Guan Shan’s opinion.

“He Tian, you—” He sighs before standing back to return to the kitchen. “Swear to god you went overseas for a couple of years and you got whitewashed.”

“Wha—” He Tian stops mid-chew of his noodles. “Whitewashed? This was how I ate before I met you!”

The pitying look Mo Guan Shan shoots him this time offends him, He Tian’s not gonna lie. 

Mo Guan Shan honestly has no idea how He Tian kept himself alive before he started making him cook for him. He packs away the groceries before starting on dinner prep. A proper dinner. And not that idiotic girl dinner bullshit He Tian is stuffing himself up with. Fucking idiot.

He starts cutting up some vegetables for a quick stir fry after putting on the rice cooker and seasoning some chicken cutlets he plans to grill. He rolls his eyes when he looks up and sees He Tian is still eating his stupid girl dinner meal but at least he’s eating the banana now.

“If you’ve still got an appetite after that junk you just ate you’re welcome to join me for a real dinner.”

“I always have room for your cooking. You know that.”

“Alright.”

“You need help or anything?”

“Nah. It’s fine. This’ll be done quick. Just set the table when I tell you to.”

“Copy that.”

It’s silent then save for He Tian scrolling through his phone and watching videos. Every now and then, something will make him chuckle and Mo Guan Shan will feel his phone vibrate in his pocket which means He Tian has sent those videos to him. Later, they’ll lay in bed and He Tian will watch those videos again with him and laugh all over.

The rice cooker timer goes off just as Mo Guan Shan turns off the stove. He Tian throws his trash and tucks his phone away to set the table.

“Why are you eating that shit anyway?” Mo Guan Shan asks as he scoops rice onto their bowls.

“There wasn’t anything in the fridge I can make. I wasn’t sure what time you’ll be back and you weren’t answering your phone”

“I was in line at the cashier. Couldn’t pick up.”

“Well, you weren’t home and I was hungry. So.”

“Well, I’m here now so quit eating shit like you’re a broke college student. You’re not eating girl meal—”

“Girl dinner.”

“—or whatever the fuck you called that garbage. Not in my fucking kitchen you're not. 

“Alright, alright. Geez. So strict, Little Mo.”

“Tch. For such a picky eater you eat absolute trash. I thought I trained that out of you by now.”

“What am I a dog?”

“Nah. I’ve seen dogs who eat better than you.”

“Oh, like that one lady who has two huskies? Yeah, I’ve seen her videos. Those dogs eat like kings. I mean, prime cut steaks every day? Fuck.”

“Shit. I know, right? And she even cooks them too like—”

The rest of dinner is spent is spent idly chatting. Mo Guan Shan puts more vegetables in He Tian’s bowl which he eats without complaints because he knows it makes him happy. After dinner, He Tian washes the dishes while Mo Guan Shan makes them tea and thinks about dishes he can stock the fridge with that He Tian can just heat up whenever he gets hungry.

They fall asleep scrolling through the videos He Tian has sent Mo Guan Shan throughout the day. 

[preservationofnormalcy]

Help me, i keep being put in situations by a girl claiming to be a ancient goddess of entrails, the afterlife and other things i don't remember (black hair, always smiling, missing her lower half, entrail tentacles, ring any bells?) At first they were harmless and a litlle funny but now its some trolley problem shit like "quick! Who would you release? This meat goblin i made or this random ghost i found?" Im sick and tired of it, the worst part is that i don't know her name! So i don't even know if i can properly File a theological restraining order against her or some stuff like that! What do i do?!

So it sounds like this god has chosen you as her prophet, and is in violation of several major statutes and agreements. If it is who I think it is, she's done this kind of thing before. (There was a whole fiasco with her appearing in peoples' dreams as a comic character in the mid-2010s, apparently.)

When you wind up in situations like this, it's important to remember Holistic Theology's first rule: Just because it's a god doesn't mean it's more important than you.

I can put you in touch with HT, and they'll help you fill out a 17H4-C4 form to put a theological restraining order on her and prevent her from contacting you. Wren's probably also going to be interested to know that, if it is SRQT, she's breaking her parole.

The thing about deities is that, while they have free will, their inherent nature is such that they feel an unnatural compulsion to fulfill their mythopoetic duties, sometimes to their own detriment or the exclusion of people in their lives. For example, and I'm just spitballing here, they could miss your birthday dinner and the one day your grandfather is in town because they had to go claim the souls of the righteous dead for their father's hall.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Masterpost 27

General asks

S/O has a wheelchair-friendly house (HF Papyrus)

S/O likes to bake (DuT Sans)

What surprises skeleton (FSG Sans)

Someone breaks the house and tries to kill S/O, but S/O kills them first (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Mistletoe shenanigans (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus, MT Sans, MF Papyrus)

Skeleton's kid runs to the wrong skeleton and needs glasses (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus, HS Sans, HF Papyrus, FT Sans, MT Papyrus, MF Papyrus, D!Papyrus, DuT Sans)

S/O's best friend doesn't like monsters (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Twin switch (UT Characters + D!Papyrus)

Skeleton reads his S/O's diary after seeing his name on it (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus, Ink, Error)

Skeleton's crush kisses them (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeleton's relationship with dance (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

There's an explosion in the woods while skeleton is camping (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Watching TV or a movie with a friend (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeleton is eating his first Galette des Rois (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeleton's teenager has a girl/boyfriend (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

S/O's grandma starts to flirt with them during a family dinner (UT Characters)

S/O is scarily good with animals (UT Sans, UT Papyrus, US Papyrus, UF Papyrus, HT Sans, HT Papyrus, SF Papyrus, FSG Papyrus, DF Sans, FT Sans, FT Papyrus, MF Sans, Killer, DuT Sans)

Their kid got rejected for a main role in a play (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeleton doesn't recognize his brother anymore after anesthesia (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Crush S/O's friend is flirting with S/O in front of skeleton (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeleton's kid throws a tiny ball in their eye socket (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

S/O's ex tries to dissuade them from hanging out with skeleton during their date (UT, US, UF Sans & Papyrus)

Some old asks with Twin Delta (D!Papyrus)

Skeleton and S/O joined Lethal Company (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

S/O takes them to a buffet (HT, HS, HF Sans & Papyrus)

Human doctors want to check skeleton at their arrival on the Surface (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

First moment of true vulnerability (UF, HT, HS, HF, SF, FSG, MT, MS Sans & Papyrus, Error, Killer, DuT Sans, D!Papyrus)

Skeletons are playing Dungeons & Dragons (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

S/O puts a ferret in Skeleton's eye socket (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

A random guy tries to talk to them (MT, MF Sans & Papyrus)

Crush stealing and other shenanigans (Ink, Error)

Coffee and scary people (UT Mettaton, UT Muffet, FSG Papyrus)

Skeleton's teenager sneaks out by the window to go to a party (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Skeletons have to join the army in Empress Undyne's neutral ending (UT, US, UF, HT, SF, FSG Sans & Papyrus)

Other things

Skeleton survival games - New Year Edition

Charlie's death in What is best for humankind

Fanarts that will make you cry

Dune is best doggo

Myfanwi talks

Why are some characters underlined in the character list?

Thor & Mjöllnir on Santa Claus laps

Merry Christmas!

Yandere asks

2000 posts on the blog!

My favorite types of asks

Happy New Year!

[pcwpolwrestling]

11/30-PCW Extreme Political TV

Last Week on PCW Extreme Political TV: -MATCH #1 (joined in progress): Dave McCormick (PA-Amer Patriots) defeated Bob Casey (PA-Prog Alliance) -Incoming CEO of PCW Donald Trump enters the arena accompanied by Elon Musk, Robert F. Kennedy, Tulsi Gabbard, J.D. Vance, and Mike Johnson. -A quick look-in at The View where Sunny Hostin has to read a ‘legal note.’ -State of California Commercial -A young couple virtue signals about paying their bills on time. -MATCH #2: The SEC Squad defeated The Buffet Club -MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski explain why they visited with Donald Trump and gets jumped by Keith Olbermann and Rosie O’Donnell -Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy then shows up waving his ‘good book’ and stating anyone who doesn’t confirm to the orthodoxy must be shouted down. -Virtue signaling man not feeling well but still going to work anyways. -PSA for Late Night talk show hosts -American Patriot Senators Lisa Murkowski (Alaska), Susan Collins (Maine), John Curtis (Utah), and McConnell (Kentucky) attack and throw Matt Gaetz (Florida) off the Eagle’s Nest to the arena floor. Pam Bondi then runs in and takes them out with steel-folding chair shots. -More virtue signaling -New Bud Light commercial -PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell cuts a promo over his win against Kevin Daniels. He’s then attacked by Neal Conn and Hallie Burton. -Epilogue- Kamala Harris has the hat out looking for donations to cover the 20 million debt she left behind after her campaign.

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV PCW Headquarters Somewhere in the Heartland Saturday November 30th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA)

PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024 Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW Tag Team Champions: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism- Since 3/3/2024 (American Patriots) Contenders: The Deplorables: Ray McAvay/’Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition) The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer Wall Street World: Kirk Walstreit/P.M.C. Banks

Opening: The studio lights flare to life, illuminating Johnny Suave’s perfectly coiffed hair as he stands before a wall emblazoned with the PCW logo. His trademark smirk plays at the corners of his mouth as he adjusts his tie, preparing to deliver the news that will set the wrestling world ablaze.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thanksgiving!  Welcome to our special two-hour Thanksgiving special.  Tonight, we’ve got a feast of political pandemonium that’ll make your family dinner look like a tea party!

He pauses, savoring the moment. In his mind, he can already hear the roar of the crowd, the chants echoing through the arena. This is what he lives for.

Johnny Suave: We’re serving up all three PCW CEO matches featuring our new big cheese, the new CEO of PCW, Donald Trump! And let me tell you, folks, this story’s got more twists than a pretzel factory!  We’ve got Trump’s 2016 win over Hillary Clinton.  We’ve got Trump’s loss by proxy to Joe Biden in 2020.  And then we’ve got Trump going over Kamala Harris in 2024.

Suave leans in conspiratorially, his voice dropping to a stage whisper.

Johnny Suave: Remember 2016? No one thought Donald Trump had a chance in hell to defeat Hillary Clinton. When Trump clotheslined Clinton right out of the Oval Office? Nobody saw that coming! It was like Stone Chism pulling off an Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster on the entire Democratic party!”

He straightens up, gesturing grandly.

Johnny Suave: Well, buckle up, buttercup, ’cause we’re taking you back to where it all began. PCW Extreme Election Night 2016… Donald Trump versus Hillary Clinton.

***

The 2016 Battle for PCW CEO-Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump (American Patriots)Back to Suave and Colleen at the broadcast desk with the crowd buzzing in anticipation for the PCW CEO showdown that’s just mere moments away.

Johnny Suave: Johnny Suave back with the low-level reporter trying to make a name for herself at the New York Times Colleen Crowder…

Colleen Crowder: Do you have to say it like that?

Johnny Suave: …and we are just about ready for the big match to determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

Both Clinton and Trump supporters rise to their feet, holding up their pro-Clinton and pro-Trump signs and shouting dueling chants of ‘I’M WITH HER!’ and ‘TRUMP…TRUMP…TRUMP!’ back and forth at each other.

Johnny Suave (talking louder): Joining us now is Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver.  Silver, of course, boldly predicted four years ago at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 that Triple R would win the PCW Title and Barack Obama would win a second four year run as PCW CEO.

The camera pans to the right and adds Silver to the picture.

Johnny Suave: Nate, thanks for joining us.

Nate Silver: My pleasure, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Your insight on what you think will happen tonight.

Nate Silver: Well Johnny.  As of right now, I believe Hillary Clinton has a 70% chance of winning this match.  I think it’ll be close.  But I think the distinct trend is towards Hillary right now.

Colleen Crowder: Nate, I think you’re being too cautious.  The New York Times believes that Hillary Clinton’s chances of becoming the first ever woman to become PCW CEO is around 85%.  There’s simply no way that Trump will win this match tonight.

Nate Silver: I wouldn’t go that far Colleen.  Yes, I believe Hillary Clinton is the clear favorite here tonight. But, I still maintain that the match will be closer than most think it will.  There’s still a path for a possible Trump victory.  For starters, Clinton doesn’t have the solid advantage that Barack Obama had against Mitt Romney four years ago.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah but that’s not the narrative we’re running with.  Hillary Clinton will win this match tonight because Trump is not qualified to be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: You know Colleen, narrative-driven news is to journalism what World Wrestling Entertainment is to the sport of wrestling.

Once she comprehends what Suave has just said to her, Colleen glares at him and her eyes shoot daggers through Suave.  She grits her teeth.

Colleen Crowder (slowly): Eighty…five…percent…

Johnny Suave: We’d better get to the ring.  Kimber Marshall, take it away!

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen.  This next match will determine who will become the next CEO of Political Championship Wrestling!

“I’M WITH HER!…I’M WITH HER!”

“TRUMP!  TRUMP!  TRUMP!”

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

The lights cut out and music starts…

DUH.

DUH.

DUH.

DUH-DUH-DUHHHH

DUH-DUH-DUHHHHH.

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his manager Kellyanne Conway walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.  Some of the more official types of the American Patriots…ie…John McCain, Susan Collins, and Rick Perry, who sit down front close to ringside, don’t seem overly enthusiastic with their support.

Back on stage, the leader of the American Patriots Reince Priebus filters in behind along with PCW Executive Committee member Paul Ryan.

Johnny Suave: Trump looks particularly sinister tonight!

Colleen Crowder: It’s hideous Johnny.  Simply hideous.  We really need Hillary to win.

Conway leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage and heads toward the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York!  He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Managed tonight by Kellyanne Conway, accompanied by his Second in Command Mike Pence, and representing the American Patriots!  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump Supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building.  Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: Donald Trump climbs into the ring.  Can be make history of his own here tonight by becoming the next PCW CEO?

Colleen Crowder: NO!  I mean, David Brooks from the New York Times is a conservative and even he doesn’t think Donald Trump should be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: David Brooks is conservative for the New York Times, yes.

The supporters “TRUMP!  TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Trump holds the ring ropes open for Kellyanne Conway to slip through.  Pence, Priebus and Ryan join them.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent.

Imperial March- off…

♫ What happened at the New Wil’ins?  Bitch, I’m back, by popular demand ♫

…Beyonce’s ‘Formation’- on.  The house lights cut out and then start flashing to the beat causing the Progressive Alliance fans to leap out of their seats.

Quick cut to the upper section where Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler are dancing on their chairs, Miley Cyrus is on the table twerking, and Madonna…well, we don’t really want to know what she’s doing right now.

Kimber Marshall (loudly over the blaring music): Managed by Robby Mook and accompanied by her Second in Command Tim Kaine,  Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her husband…FORMER PCW CEO William Jefferson Clinton!

Beyonce comes out on stage lip-synching to her song.  She and Jay-Z lead the parade to the ring.  Next out, Mook, Wasserman-Shultz, and Bill Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: From Chappaqua, New York.  Representing the Progressive Alliance!

Next out, Bill and Hillary’s daughter Chelsea Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: And vying to make history by becoming the first ever woman to become CEO of PCW!

Finally, Hillary Clinton walks out wearing a white pants suit.

Kimber Marshall: PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR…HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON!

The A-List celebrities in the top section of Hack’s stand up and shout.  On the floor, the Progressive Alliance section is simply rocking.  Hillary Clinton signs bobbing up and down, moving left to right as Beyonce continues to lip synch her song and dance down the aisle.

Reaching the ring, Hillary climbs up the steps first and ducks into the ring, followed by her husband and daughter.

Johnny Suave: Oh wow!  Listen to that ovation for Hillary Clinton.  Both sides are geared up for what promises to be an incredible match.

Colleen Crowder: Again Johnny.  According to the New York Times calculations, it’s going to be an early night, it’s going to be a quick match, because Donald Trump has no chance to defeat Hillary Clinton.

Johnny Suave: Nate?

Nate Silver: The odds are definitely in Ms. Clinton’s favor but I won’t go that far to say that he has no chance.

Johnny Suave: Thanks for your insight.  Nate Silver, everyone.  Let’s take it back to the ring and the referee in charge of this match- Corrina Romanov.

The name Romanov causes Colleen to cock her head quizzically to the side.

Romanov enters the ring wearing the appropriate white and black striped referee’s shirt and black pants.  A former wrestler of her own right, she gets a healthy round of applause from the patrons of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on…isn’t she like- Russian?

Romanov goes over to Trump and does the usual pre-match check.

Johnny Suave: She is.  So what?

Then Romanov walks over to Clinton’s corner and does the same.

Colleen Crowder: Nothing.  It’s just…strange…that PCW would assign a Russian referee for this match.

Johnny Suave: Nah, you’re overthinking this.  Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen.  We are just about ready to go.

Satisfied, Romanov turns to the bell table and calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: And here we go!

“I’M WITH HER! I’M WITH HER!…” 

Johnny Suave: LISTEN TO THE DUELLING CHANTS!

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!…”

Johnny Suave: THE NOISE IS JUST DEAFENING IN HERE!

Both Trump and Clinton cautiously walk forward from their respective corners and circle each other in the middle of the ring.

Then out of nowhere, Clinton drives a knee to the balls.  Trump crumples over.  And the Progressive Alliance section goes nuts.

Johnny Suave: CLINTON DRAWS FIRST BLOOD!

Clinton whips Trump into her corner where he’s greeted with a few forearm shots from her husband Bill.  He lays in more big forearms on Trump.  Hillary follows up with some knife-edge chops.  Trump then whips Clinton across the ring into the opposite corner.

Johnny Suave: Trump sends Clinton for the ride…

Trump sets up for a backdrop but Clinton flips over him and then delivers a punt kick to the jewels.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Dropping to his knees, Trump’s face scrunches in pain.  Clinton moves behind him.  Basement dropkick to the back sends Trump down face first to the mat.  She rolls him over for a cover.

One.

Tw-

Johnny Suave: Easy kick out for Donald Trump.

Debbie Wasserman-Shultz shouts at the referee and then slams her hand down on the mat in the same rapid-fire fashion she’d done when Hillary defeated Bernie Sanders in Philadelphia.

Colleen Crowder: That was a slow count.

Johnny Suave: Any count is slow compared to what Wasserman-Shultz did to Sanders.

Trump fights back to his feet and tries to stop the momentum.  But Clinton scratches his eyes and then hits a knee to the gut.  Russian Leg Sweep follows and Trump is right back on the ground.  Clinton again makes the cover but Trump out of nowhere pushes her off and then rolls her up.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP REVERSES.  COVER!

The American Patriots rise up in anticipation.

One

Two.

Johnny Suave: NO!  HILLARY GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Romanov calls for a break.  While she tries to get Hillary to let go of the bottom rope, Bill Clinton sneaks in and pokes Trump in the eye.  He recoils back and covers his eye.

Johnny Suave: She’s not letting go of the rope.  WHAT?

What?  Suave does a doubletake when Captain America…yes…Captain America runs down and slides into the ring.

Johnny Suave: What the hell is this?

Colleen Crowder: It’s Captain America.

Johnny Suave: I know it’s Captain America.  Why is Captain America in the ring?

Trump staggers back.  Captain America takes his shield and then blasts him in the back of the head with it.

Johnny Suave: Oh…that’s why.

Captain America stares at the downed Trump, who’s holding his head from the shield shot.  He then pulls off his mask.

Colleen Crowder: Hey!  That’s Chris Evans from the Avengers movie!

Johnny Suave: Where is the referee?

Referee Corrina Romanov is in deep conversation with ABC’s Martha Raddatz at the edge of the ring.

Johnny Suave: MARTHA RADDATZ IS AT RINGSIDE?  WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Suave sees Evans pick up the shield.

Johnny Suave: What is he doing?

Evans places the Captain America shield in Trump’s groin area.  Then Iron Man jumps into the ring carrying a bowling ball bag.

Johnny Suave: WHAT IS IRON MAN DOING HERE?

Iron Man (okay… it’s really Robert Downey, Jr. playing Iron Man) takes the bowling ball bag, lifts it in the air, and slams it into the shield.

*CLANK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Crowd: Oooooooooohhhhh!

Trump rolls back and forth in excruciating pain.

Johnny Suave: KELLYANNE CONWAY IS ON THE RING APRON SCREAMING AT CORRINA ROMANOV!

Finally, Conway gets Romanov’s attention and the referee refocuses her attention back to the match and sees Evans and Downey in the ring.  She immediately chases both Hollywood stars from the ring.  Which, of course, allows Hillary to indulge in a little blatant choking while the referee continues to be distracted.

Colleen Crowder: I’ve changed my mind.  I now believe that Hillary Clinton has a 90% chance of winning.  She’s totally dominating him.

Clinton uses the boots to deliver a shot to the gut and another.   Trump finally trips Clinton up and sends her to the mat.

Johnny Suave: Big boot by Trump knocks Clinton off her feet.  But there’s a lot of worried faces at ringside.

Quick cut to the American Patriots section.  Reince Priebus brings a hand to his chin.  Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell both watch the action with extremely concerned expressions on their face.

Back to the ring where Clinton has gone over and talks with Robby Mook.

Johnny Suave: Bad idea.  She can’t give Trump time to recover like that.

Trump pulls himself back up again.  He goes right over to Hillary and they trade forearm strikes.  Trump whips her into the corner and then catches Clinton on the rebound with a Bulldog.

Clinton tries to whip Trump to her corner but Trump blocks, lifts Hillary up, bringing her legs off the ground, and falls backward to the mat sending her back-first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SIDEWALK SLAM BY TRUMP.  HE COVERS.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS CNN’S ANDERSON COOPER DOING IN THE RING?

Just as Corrina Romanov starts to lower her hand down for three, Anderson Cooper bolts into the ring out of the blue and pushes Trump off of Clinton.

Johnny Suave: COOPER MAKES THE SAVE!

Colleen Crowder: Maybe we should reduce the chances of Hillary winning back to 85%.

While Hillary scoots back to her corner, Trump gets into Romanov’s face and argues about the count.   He doesn’t see Bill Clinton sneaking up from behind.  Bill tries to whip Trump into Hillary’s corner.  Trump reverses and goes for a big boot to the face.  But Bill ducks, boots Trump in the gut, and then hits a spinning neckbreaker.

Johnny Suave: Bill Clinton fires up the crowd and now he’s going for scoop slam!

Clinton goes to lift Trump up but he doesn’t see trouble brewing behind him.  Two women from his past.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S KATHLEEN WILLEY AND PAULA JONES!  TWO WOMEN WITH HUGE ISSUES WITH BOTH BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing in the ring?

At once, the crowd noise jumps dramatically which causes Bill to wonder what’s going on.  Finally, his innate curiosity wins out so he turns around and gets an unpleasant surprise.  His eyes widen and the crowd goes wild.

Johnny Suave: Nowhere to run!  Nowhere to hide!

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair!  They’re interfering in the match!

Johnny Suave: Here we go!

Willey and Jones take Bill by each arm and fling him into the corner turnbuckle.  Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls forward head first into the turnbuckle.  He flips up and over the turnbuckle, tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLIP!

On the floor, Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first back to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLOP!

Back in the ring, Hillary comes off the ropes and leaps onto Trump’s back.

Johnny Suave: SLEEPER HOLD!

Colleen Crowder: YES!  COME ON HILLARY!

Trump spins to try and dislodge Hillary from his back.  Unfortunately, he loses his balance and ends up on the mat.  Hillary wastes no time in making the cover.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: Trump kicks out.  He’s trying to regain his bearings and…why is the referee talking to the Clinton corner again?

This time, Romanov is having a heated conversation with Hillary’s manager Robby Mook and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.  While they’re distracting the referee, Chelsea Clinton slides a steel chain over to her mother who quickly wraps it around Trump’s neck.

Johnny Suave: AND NOW SHE’S GOT THAT STEEL CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK!

Colleen Crowder: Sleeper hold.

Trump’s face turns bright red as the chain is wrapped tightly and cutting off his oxygen.

Johnny Suave: BULL-*BLEEP*!  THAT’S A BLATANT CHOKE!  SHE’S TRYING TO CHOKE DONALD TRUMP OUT!

While Trump desperately tries to loosen the chain around his neck, yet another person races down the aisle towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE?  THAT’S FOX NEWS’S CHRIS WALLACE!

Wallace jumps up on the ring apron, grabs Romanov, and spins her around.  He points at Hillary who’s still trying strangle Trump with a steel chain.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?  Chris Wallace has no business butting his head into this match.

Johnny Suave: And CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz didn’t do the exact same thing?

Colleen Crowder: That’s different.  Everyone knows Fox News is biased towards the American Patriots!

Romanov immediately acts.  She pushes Clinton back, breaking the choke hold.  Then Romanov literally rips the chain out of Hillary’s hands and tosses it out of the ring.

Colleen Crowder: The Russian referee is exerting too much influence on this match which means Vladimir Putin is trying to affect the results!

Johnny Suave: Um…Corrina Romanov just enforced the rules because, newsflash, even PCW has rules.

Colleen Crowder: But Vladimir Putin-

Johnny Suave: Is this another narrative or…

There’s a collective gasp inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: What.

Colleen turns her attention back to the ring and immediately shoots up from her chair in full righteous indignation mode.

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Johnny Suave: TESTICULAR CLAW!  TRUMP IS USING THE TESTICULAR CLAW!

The reaction is instantaneous and the fun really begins.  An enraged Colleen Crowder literally jumps up on the broadcast table and points at Trump.

Colleen Crowder: DISQUALIFY HIM!  DISQUALIFY HIM!

The Clinton team are stunned.  Without hesitation, they all charge the ring.

The Progressive Alliance are stunned.  Disgusted.  Repulsed.  Suddenly, the likes of Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, and Nancy Pelosi charge the ring.

The media are stunned.  Revolted.  Aggrieved.   Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman pile into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED!

Even some members of the American Patriots are stunned.  Appalled.  Queasy.  John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring and a huge scrum explodes.

Johnny Suave: IT’S HIT THE FAN NOW!

Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Johnny Suave: This is just a mob scene!

Colleen Crowder: WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED HIM?

Johnny Suave (sarcastically): Maybe Vladimir Putin told her not to.

Colleen Crowder: SEE!  I TOLD YOU!

Johnny Suave: Trump is getting no help from the American Patriots either!

Cut to Paul Ryan.  He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell?  He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.

The rest of the establishment?  Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

♫ Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men…♫

Quick cut to the Les Miserables section.  What had been a full section of people is now half empty.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!

‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people sitting in their section.

Johnny Suave: It’s the LES MISERABLES!

Colleen Crowder: I’m confused Are they coming to help Clinton?

Bryan hops up on the ring apron.  He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.

Johnny Suave:  BRYAN TOSSES MILBANK OUT!

Bert the Janitor tosses McAvay a Big Bertha Driver.

Johnny Suave: MCAVAY HAS THE BIG BERTHA!

*THWACK*

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES CHUCK SCHUMER!

*THWACK^

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES LINDSEY GRAHAM!

Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd.  He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: AND HERE COMES CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair. and starts taking people out left and right.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: BLACKWELL NAILS PAUL KRUGMAN WITH THE CHAIR!

Blackwell turns and swings the chair again.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: CNN’s DON LEMON GOES DOWN!

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: HE GOT JEB BUSH TOO!

Colleen Crowder: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: THEY’RE CLEANING HOUSE!

The rest of the Les Miserables climb through the ropes and suddenly there’s a lot of people in close quarters.

Colleen Crowder: DEPLORABLE!

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Les Miserables inside.

Colleen Crowder: THESE PEOPLE ARE DEPLORABLE!  WHAT ARE ALL THESE DEPLORABLE PEOPLE DOING IN THE RING?

Johnny Suave: Actually, they’re Les Miserables.

Colleen Crowder: AND WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED TRUMP FOR THIS BLATANT OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE? THERE IS NO WAY THIS MATCH-

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle.  The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Crowder pulls at her hair.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOOOO!

In the midst of the chaos caused when the Les Miserables invaded the ring, Trump took one of Hillary’s legs, turned it 90 degrees, grabbed her other leg and crossed it with the other.  Then he put one foot in between, the other on the other leg, and bridged over to lock in the figure-four.

To make matters worse, Trump had her smack dab in the middle of the ring- a long, long way from help.

Johnny Suave: HOW ARE HER CHANCES LOOKING NOW?

Colleen remains defiant.

Colleen Crowder: Sixty-five percent, Johnny.  I’m still quite confident Hillary will win if the Russian referee would actually DO HER JOB!

The Progressive Alliance contingent charge forward but the Les Miserables protecting the ring stop them in their tracks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay…maybe fifty-five percent- COME ON!

Clinton closes her eyes and sits up.  She takes a couple swipes at Trump and then falls backwards.

Johnny Suave: Is Hillary going to tap out?

Colleen Crowder: NEVER!

Hillary reaches for the ropes but she’s too far away.

Johnny Suave: What do you say now?

Colleen Crowder: Fifty-fifty.

As the pain registers all over Clinton’s face, for the first time a realization comes over the folks sitting in the Progressive Alliance section that she could lose this.

Johnny Suave: Are you sure about that?

Colleen Crowder: (whispers incoherently)

Johnny Suave: Didn’t hear you.

Colleen Crowder: I SAID SIXTY PERCENT FOR TRUMP!  JESUS, HE COULD WIN THIS THING!

The camera pans through the Progressive Alliance section of the bar.  Jaws dropped.  Shocked expressions.  Hands on cheeks.

Johnny Suave: Do I hear seventy percent…seventy-five percent?  Going once.  Going twice.  Going-

Colleen Crowder: SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT FOR TRUMP.  (shouts to no one in particular)  COME ON!  ANYONE?  DO SOMETHING?

Over the loudspeaker, the opening notes to the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop” began to play.

Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! I know that song.

A man dressed in a flannel shirt, holding a mocha in one hand and a Singapore cane in the other, steps out of the shadows on the second level of the bar.

Johnny Suave: And I know that guy!  HE’S BACK!

The crowd merrily sings along to the Fleetwood Mac song as the man dressed in flannel started towards the stage.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on.  Is that who I think it is?

Johnny Suave:  It is.

As the sing along continues, the man holds up his mocha, contained inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable cup of course, and chugs it down.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN,’ TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN,’ INSANE SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND EXTREME ENVIRONMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Gore crushes the paper cup on his forehead in an alpha manly fashion.  Gore then spews the mocha out of his mouth like a geyser going off and sprays several tables in close proximity.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the expression on the Trump Team’s faces!

The camera cuts over to Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence.  They’re not paying any attention.

Johnny Suave: Um…they’re not paying attention.

Colleen Crowder: Well…THEY SHOULD BE!

Gore moves up to the steps leading down and turns around to face the Progressive Alliance section.  He pulls out another cup of mocha and holds it high in the air.  Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead, and spits the mocha onto several tables.

Colleen Crowder: …if he ever gets to the ring.

Back in the ring, Referee Corrina Romanov maneuvers around, watching for any sign of a tap out.  Mook, Kaine, Bill Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Wasserman-Shultz, blocked from the ring by the Les Miserables watch helplessly.  Hillary falls back again and her strength wanes.

Johnny Suave: Trump is THIS close to winning!

Colleen Crowder: Son of a bitch.  Ninety percent chance for Trump to win.

Colleen shouts up at Gore.

Colleen Crowder: HURRY UP!

Gore makes it downstairs.  He stops and pulls out another cup of mocha.

Colleen Crowder: SON OF A BITCH!  AL, WOULD YOU GET TO THE RING ALREADY?

Johnny Suave: HILLARY’S RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead…

Colleen Crowder (lamenting): He’s not going to get to the ring in time, is he?

Johnny Suave: Nope.

…and spits the mocha towards the ring just as Hillary slaps her hand on the mat.

Johnny Suave: SHE TAPPED OUT!  THAT’S IT!

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOO!

Romanov calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP WINS!  TRUMP WINS!

Colleen Crowder: Oh…my…God.

Johnny Suave: The next CEO of PCW is Donald J. Trump!

The camera cuts to outside the ring.  Now that Trump’s won and it’s ‘safe,’ Paul Ryan is slowly edging his way back towards the action.

Johnny Suave: And the conservative chickens have come home to roost!

Mitch McConnell races by Ryan, actually he knocks Ryan out of his way, cheering and pumping his fist in the air.  However, others sitting with the rest of the American Patriot supporters aren’t so sure about what just took place.

The Les Miserables at ringside have no inhibition about celebrating.  Blackwell, Bryan, and McAvay find themselves in the midst of a big time party.

Panning back to the Progressive Alliance section- soul-crushing sadness among Hillary’s supporters is the prevalent feeling.

The majority of the people on hand begin to sing: “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye” and wave goodbye to the Hollywood celebs who said they would leave the country if Trump won.

Johnny Suave: After everything that’s happened over the past few months and with the entire Washington D.C. beltway establishment lined up against him- the Republican establishment, the Democrat establishment, the militantly left wing Democrats- who seem to have all gathered in California, and the mainstream media, when the chips were down Donald Trump came through on PCW’s biggest stage.

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

Johnny Suave: Is that the narrative or an actual story?

Colleen Crowder: Shut up!

Johnny Suave: Let’s go up to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the official announcement.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at twenty four minutes, forty-three seconds…and the NEW CEO of POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

In his corner, Trump raises his arms in the air.  Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence shake hands and exchange celebratory hugs.

Kimber Marshall: DONALD J. TRUMP-

No sooner than Marshall finished saying Trump, a woman in purple dress jumps into the ring and knocks down the PCW ring announcer.  She grabs the microphone from Marshall.  Her face beet red, clearly infuriated at the result, she points down at Kimber on the deck.

Woman in Ring: YOU SOLD OUT POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

Kimber just gives her a ‘WTF’ glance.  The woman then turns to the American Patriots at ringside and delivers more of her venom.

Woman in Ring: YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

She points at Trump.

Woman in Ring: THIS IS MY PCW!

She points at herself and screeches.

Woman in Ring: DO YOU HEAR ME?  THIS IS MY PCW!

Then she throws herself on the mat and begins to kick her feet and flail her arms wildly.

Johnny Suave: Great.  Is she going to hold her breath next?

Then she holds her breath as she kicks and flails away.  Her face quickly turns red.

Johnny Suave: Really?  Hopefully we can get security out here to restore some order.

PCW Security comes to the ring to escort the woman out.  But before she can be taken away, another commotion flares out inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HERE COMES HOLLYWOOD OSCAR WINNING SCREENWRITER AARON SORKIN AND HE LOOKS PISSED!

Aaron Sorkin: WAIT A MINUTE!  HOLD ON, ONE SECOND!

Sorkin, noted liberal activist, flies down to ringside and grabs a microphone from a ringside technician.

Aaron Sorkin: I wrote this letter to my daughter.

Sorkin pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to read.

Aaron Sorkin: I’m not going to sugarcoat this- this is truly horrible…

Progressive Alliance fans agree with Sorkin’s sentiment.  Supporters of the American Patriots?  Not so much.

Aaron Sorkin: …it’s hardly the first time my candidate didn’t win…in fact it’s the sixth time…but it is the first time that a thoroughly incompetent pig with dangerous ideas, a serious psychiatric disorder, no knowledge of the world and no curiosity to learn has.

Again, the agreement to Mr. Sorkin’s views are sharply split according to one’s political preference.

Aaron Sorkin: And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won tonight—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons.

This gets the attention of Blackwell, McAvay, and Bryan.  All three turn and wonder if Sorkin is really talking about them.

He is.

Aaron Sorkin: That’s right.  Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life or are the reason for their way of life have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere…

Johnny Suave: Really? He’s slagging not just the Les Miserables but an entire class of people simply because they didn’t support his candidate AND couching it as a ‘heartfelt letter’ to his daughter?  You’ve got to be kidding me!

Colleen Crowder: He’s speaking to truth, Johnny.  Everything he’s saying is true.

Aaron Sorkin: …hate was given hope. Abject dumbness was glamorized as being “the fresh voice of an outsider” who’s going to shake things-

**Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins to play**

Hack’s explodes.  Sorkin stops and watches as the Extreme Equalizer bolts down the aisle towards ringside.

Johnny Suave: WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE EXTREME EQUALIZER THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS.  IT’S WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Colleen Crowder: Don’t do it!

Sorkin defiantly stands his ground and doesn’t attempt to escape.  The Extreme Equalizer launches himself at him with his right arm outstretched.

Johnny Suave: CLOTHESLINE AND DOWN GOES SORKIN!

McAvay and Bryan set up a table.  WTF then pulls Sorkin up and drags him over.

Colleen Crowder: DON’T DO IT!

Lifted in the air by the throat, Sorkin is then driven through the table by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot with such force that the table snaps in two cleanly upon impact.

A crowd chant erupts: “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!”

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  THE EXTREME EQUALIZER JUST CHOKESLAMMED AARON SORKIN THROUGH THE TABLE!

WTF admires his handiwork until more people come flying out from the back.

*“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

Over half of the crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh smugly appears.  Limbaugh’s ‘Dittoheads’ stand up and cheer when Limbaugh walks towards ringside and openly laughs at Sorkin- who’s lying in the ruins of a table.

Johnny Suave: Well, here we go.  You know Limbaugh is eating up everything that’s gone down here tonight.

Crowd chant: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…”

Rush Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…El Rushbo…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…The Maharushbie…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…With talent on loan from-”

Crowd: “ROB!”

Limbaugh pauses.

Rush Limbaugh: “No.”

Crowd: “BOB!”

Rush Limbaugh: “No!”

Crowd: “MOM!”

Rush Limbaugh: SHUT UP! IT’S GOD YOU IDIOTS…GOD, GOD, GOD! *clears throat* Now, as I was saying in a manner that only I, with my years of broadcast excellence, can say.  It’s clear here that the Progressive Alliance and the drive by media are going to do everything possible to delegitimize Donald Trump’s win here tonight.  The liberals will fight tooth and nail against Trump because their candidate didn’t win.

Suddenly, the video screen fires up and we take a trip back in time to 2009, one week after PCW CEO Barack Obama was sworn in…

(FILM CLIP- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- January 27th, 2009) *“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

The crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh and the “Queen of Political Extreme” Ann Coulter appear in the spotlight and both begin to walk towards the ring.

Suave: Well, this is not a surprise. Limbaugh has been sparring publicly with the new PCW CEO Barack Obama in the news the last week. And I know Ann Coulter is never for a loss of words.

Crowd: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…

Limbaugh joins Suave in the ring…

Suave: What can I do for you, Mr. Limbaugh?

Rush: We’re both here tonight to say…we told you so. That’s right. It’s taken less than a week for the new PCW CEO Barack Hussein Obama to show his true colors. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. I…WANT…OBAMA…TO…FAIL. Period. I hope he fails.

Suave: Welllllllllll?

Limbaugh smiles ackwardly and tries to back up.

Rush Limbaugh: Now hold on here, that was different…um…I-  *ack*

Limbaugh suddenly finds himself in the clutches of one Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.   Hand on his throat, WTF lifts him into the air and then slams him to the floor.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  HE JUST CHOKESLAMMED RUSH LIMBAUGH!

The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon fans react with another loud chant in unison: “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!”

Johnny Suave: What goes around, comes around.

Colleen Crowder: I’d say he definitely deserved that.

Another roar from the crowd. Yet again, another run-in.

Johnny Suave: Now what?

Suave searches and sees the bespectacled man headed towards the ring and realizes who he is.

Johnny Suave: Awww.  Not him.

‘Him’ is former MSNBC and Current TV commentator and current host of GQ’s political webshow ‘The Resistance with Keith Olbermann’- Keith Olbermann.  And Keith has a megaphone.  He runs up to where Limbaugh is splayed out on the floor and points the megaphone down at him.

Keith Olbermann: I WILL LEAD THE RESISTANCE!  I AM THE RESISTANCE… I AM *ack*

WTF rolls his eyes and in one swift movement grabs Olbermann by the throat…lifts him up and chokeslams to the floor right next to Limbaugh.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS HE DOING?

The “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!” chant now echoes all over the bar.

***

Cut back to Johnny Suave live at the broadcast table…

Johnny Suave: And with that, Donald Trump became the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

“How Dare You” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay The camera zooms in on a miniature wrestling ring set up in the center of the PCW studio. A small figure stands in the middle, her blonde pigtails bouncing as she adjusts the microphone in her hand. It’s Eva McAvay, Dawn McGill’s 9-year-old daughter, her face set in a determined scowl that seems out of place on her cherubic features.

Eva McAvay: How dare you?

Eva’s voice booms through the arena, her tiny frame shaking with passion. She points her finger dramatically at the camera and startles even Johnny Suave, who takes a step back from the tiny titan.

Eva McAvay: Tearing your family apart because of some stupid political beliefs? That’s not what Thanksgiving and Christmas are about!

She slams her fist into her other hand.

Eva McAvay: It’s about love and togetherness, people! Can’t you see that? Jeez, just grow the *BLEEP* up-

Her eyes blaze with righteous anger. But before she can continue, Dawn McGill’s voice cuts in sharply.

Dawn McGill (offscreen): EVA!

With a sheepish glance at her mother, Eva lowers her head.

Eva McAvay: Sorry, Mom.

Cut back to Johnny Suave…

Johnny Suave: All right.  Hopefully, everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Next up…  we’re going to replay the 2020 CEO of PCW match featuring Donald Trump and Joe Biden.  Let’s run the tape now.

***

The 2020 Battle for PCW CEO-: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) Kimber Marshall stands in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: “Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be…”

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: “And it will be for the PCW Title!  Introducing first…

*”Glory Days”-Bruce Springsteen*

Johnny Suave: “Ah.  Bruce Springsteen.  Another one of the many celebs who’ve promised to move out of the US if Trump wins.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you bad mouth ‘The Boss.’  Springsteen speaks the truth.”

Joe Biden comes out with his wife Dr. Jill Biden (and don’t you forget the ‘Dr.’ part).  Behind him is his choice for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris.

Then Marshall announces the Progressive Alliance wrestler taking part in the match.

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 200 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN: The True Hollywood Blockbuster

Daniels comes out and shakes hands with both Bidens and Kamala Harris.

Kimber Marshall: “And their opponent…

*”Imperial March”- Star Wars*

The supporters “TRUMP!  TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the melody of the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York!  He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by his Aide de Camp Mike Pence and representing the American Patriots!  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  THE CURRENT CEO OF PCW- DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building.  Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: “Here he is.  The current CEO of PCW.  Donald Trump.”

Colleen Crowder: “Ugh.  And he’s being led to the ring by… her.”

Johnny Suave: “You’re just saying that because Kayleigh McEnaney won’t play the ‘game’ the way you want her to play.”

McEnaney leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage toward the ring followed by Mike Pence and Pence’s wife Karen.

Marshall then announces the American Patriots’s wrestler.

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott walks out on stage and shakes hands with Trump, Pence, Mrs. Pence.  Then the entourage heads towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: “So here we are.  This is for the PCW title and then we will find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years.”

Colleen Crowder: “We already know the answer.  It’s going to be Joe Biden.”

Biden shouts encouragement to Kevin Daniels- but he’s facing the wrong way.  Harris subtly turns him around towards the ring.

Before the match starts, Suave and Crowder are joined by special guests- the CEOs of Twitter and Facebook Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg.

The bell sounds and the match begins.

Scott rushes forward.  Daniels side-steps him.  The two men circle.  Scott aggressively comes forward.  Daniels plays defense and makes him chase.   Daniels connects with a spin kick that gives Scott some pause.  Quick lock up – Scott takes a headlock – Daniels slips out.  Scott fires off right and left hands. He follows with a standing spinebuster.  Hooks the leg – one – two – Daniels kicks out and calls a ‘time-out.’  He rolls outside the ring and confers with Biden and Harris.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Scott off to a fast start here causing Mr. Hollywood to bail out of the ring.”

Jack Dorsey: “Actually Johnny, before you share this content, you might want to know that fact-checking sites, Snope.com, and other media sources have disputed the accuracy of it.”

Colleen Crowder: “Yeah!  Kevin Daniels is probably just getting warmed up and wanted to talk strategy with Joe Biden.”

Once back in, Daniels and Scott tie up – Scott gains control.  He wrenches, hammerlocks, and throws forearms into Daniels’s back.  Headlock by Scott and hits the takeover.  Scott tries to grind Daniels down.   Daniels fights up and around but Scott wrenches the arm again.  Scott takes a wristlock.  Daniels throws a couple body shots.  Surprise roll into a REAR NAKED CHOKE!  Scott elbows out.   Daniels with a drop toehold and gets the legs to hook them.  One – Scott powers out.  Scott goes for a rear bear hug – Daniels fights his way out with elbows.  Daniels backdrops Scott to the mat.  Scott up – Daniels legsweeps him back down.  Cover.  One – two – no.  Scott powers out.

Johnny Suave: “Better from Kevin Daniels there.  He seems to be coming into the match.”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, I don’t know what match you’ve been watching but it’s clear Daniels is totally dominating the match.”

Johnny Suave: “That’s debatable.”

Mark Zuckerberg: “Actually Johnny, we’ll allow it.  It’s a factual statement.”

Johnny Suave: “Of course you will.”

Scott nails Daniels with a kick to the jaw.  Cover.  One – two – 2.5 – Daniels just kicks out before the three count.  Scott boots Daniels in the gut.  Daniels drops to a knee – Scott drags him right back up.  He goes to whip Daniels – Daniels reverses and knees Scott low and hard!  Daniels hits the ropes and Scott ducks under.  Another boot to the gut and a Sling Blade takes Daniels down.  Cover.  One – Two – NO! Daniels just gets the shoulder up.

Johnny Suave: “Another close pinfall for Kevin Scott.  He is really doing well here tonight.”

Jack Dorsey: “Again Johnny, before you share something like that, you should know that independent fact checkers dispute its accuracy.”

Johnny Suave: “It’s an opinion Jack that I’m entitled to based on what I’ve witnessed here during the match.”

Mark Zuckerberg: “Once again, what you said is disputed by third party fact checkers.”

Johnny Suave: “*BLEEP* your third-party fact checkers.”

Daniels grows a little frustrated.  He goes to the referee and starts to berate him.  This allows Kamala Harris to sneak into the ring with a steel-folding chair.  She raises it up – Mike Pence runs in- followed by his wife Karen (Pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side).  Mike grabs the chair and stops Harris – the chair falls and accidently lands on Harris’s foot.

Colleen Crowder: “MIKE PENCE DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”

Johnny Suave: “Harris was going to hit ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott with that chair.”

Jack Dorsey: “Er.  Independent fact-checkers say that statement contains false information-“

Suave turns off Zuckerberg and Dorsey’s microphone.

Crowder goes ballistic and demands Suave turn their microphones back on.

Johnny Suave: “I guess it really does suck when you get censored, huh.”

Pence apologizes to Harris for the incident.

Harris kicks him in the groin.

Johnny Suave: “Ooooh.  Apology not accepted.  And Kamala Harris did that on purpose.”

Colleen Crowder: “She did not!  She……….um, slipped.”

Karen Pence then tackles Harris in the ring and both women roll around on the mat.

Johnny Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Okay.  That was totally offensive, Johnny.”

Meanwhile, Daniels runs the ropes – Scott ducks a clothesline and waits for him to come back to clock Daniels with a right hand.  Scott blocks a suplex attempt using the power of gravity. Daniels walks into a body slam.  Scott covers.  One – two – 2.999!  Daniels just gets a shoulder off the mat.  Scott CLOBBERS Daniels with a right hand.  Cover.  One – two – THR-THE REFEREE GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

All three members of the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves Colleen Crowder- New York Times, Sharon Johns- CNN, and Dan Miller- Washington Post yank the referee out of the ring.

All hell breaks loose.  The media climb into the ring while another referee appears and rolls in under the ropes.

Scott’s trying to figure out what’s going on.  Daniels just gets back to his feet and even he’s wondering what’s happening.

The referee calls for the bell.  He goes to ring announcer Kimber Marshall and tells her what his decision is.

Marshall climbs into the ring and makes the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:48

Johnny Suave: “WHAT?”

A huge celebration erupts in the ring as Arizona Secretary of State Katie Hobbs, Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams join Daniels, the Bidens, Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves (Crowder-NY Times, Johns-CNN, and Miller-Washington Post).

Outside the ring and around the bar- not so much.  The PCW fans are shocked.  Kevin Scott is stunned at the decision.  Trump is furious and tries to corral the referee but the ref is in the middle of the Progressive Alliance party going on in the ring.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Daniels has been named the new PCW champion even though he did not pin ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.”

If the PCW fans didn’t like the Daniels decision, they definitely didn’t like what happened next…

THE DECISION.  TRUMP OR BIDEN? The Coke Brothers (Charles and David), George Moros, Lincoln Project Executive Director Sarah Lenti slowly make their way down to the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “The fans have already connected the dots on this one.  Dawn McGill- missing.  The DC Establishment is here.”

The Cokes, Moros, and Lenti have to duck and dodge debris.

Biden stands in front of the big group that’s gathered inside the ring for the announcement.   Donald Trump stands on the outside.

The four climb into the ring.  Moros has a microphone and he doesn’t waste any time.

George Moros: “Joe Biden-“

The Progressive Alliance explode with joy inside the ring.

Johnny Suave: “THAT’S IT!  JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN SELECTED TO BECOME THE NEW CEO OF POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Biden looks towards Trump for the traditional post-match handshake- but Trump has already left ringside and headed towards the back.

Johnny Suave: “NO HANDSHAKE.  TRUMP’S GOING TO THE BACK.”

***

Cut back to Johnny Suave live at the broadcast desk…

Johnny Suave: So, thus began Joe Biden’s four year run as CEO of PCW.  Now… Eva McAvay is back with more.  Let’s hear what she has to say.

“How Dare You!” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay Eva’s eyes narrow as she launches into her tirade.

Eva McAvay: How dare you… Washington fat cats think you can push us around? Well, not on my watch!”

She paces back and forth, her sneakers squeaking with each step.

Eva McAvay: You locked up patriots for J6 like they were hardened criminals! Misdemeanors became life sentences faster than The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior can say ‘check your privilege’!

Eva’s voice cracks with emotion, her little fists clenching.

She takes a deep breath, her chest heaving with righteous indignation.

Eva McAvay: And don’t get me started on how you used COVID to stomp all over our rights! You forced medicine down our throats like we’re your personal lab rats!

Eva’s face turns red as she builds to her climax.

Eva McAvay: The Department of Justice? More like the Department of Just-Us, am I right?

She pauses, waiting for a reaction, but the stunned silence only fuels her further.

Eva takes another deep breath, her tiny frame shaking with emotion.

Eva McAvay: You think you can take our guns? Well, the ATF can pry them from my cold, dead Barbie hands!

She stomps her foot, the impact echoing through the studio.

Eva McAvay: And don’t even get me started on the border! You’ve turned our great nation into a turnstile for criminals and drug dealers!

Eva’s voice rises to a fever pitch as she delivers her final blows.

Eva McAvay: You’ve bankrupted our country with your handouts and destroyed our energy sector for your tree-hugging fantasies!  HOW…DARE… YOU!

Cut back to Johnny Suave…

Johnny Suave: Little Eva McAvay is on fire tonight.

***

Update on the California Vote Counting The studio lights flicker as Johnny Suave clears his throat, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Johnny Suave: And now, folks, we have a special treat for you. Let’s check in on the hardworking vote counters in California, still at it nearly a month after the election.

The screen behind him flickers to life, revealing a dimly lit room. A solitary sloth hangs from a chair, its claws moving in slow motion towards a stack of ballots. The creature blinks languidly, taking an eternity to pick up a single piece of paper.

Johnny Suave: Ahhh.  That explains it.

***

The Legacy Media Strikes Back The ring is awash in a sea of microphones and notepads, as four figures stand poised like prizefighters ready for battle. But these aren’t your typical wrestlers – they’re the Guild of Low-Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves.

Colleen Crowder adjusts her stylish glasses, her auburn hair glinting under the harsh lights, and her voice brimming with the smooth confidence of a seasoned, low-level New York Times reporter with higher aspirations.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re here to address a grave threat to our profession and our relevancy. Joe Rogan is single-handedly dismantling the legacy media!

Sharon Johns- a low-level Washington Post reporter trying to make a name for herself- nods vigorously, her ponytail bouncing with each movement.

Sharon Johns: That’s right, Colleen. We can’t let some podcast jockey with a penchant for DMT take our place!”

Johnny Suave comments from the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Oh boy, folks! Looks like we’ve got a real media showdown brewing!

Colleen’s green eyes narrow as she scans the crowd.

Colleen Crowder: You people need to understand the gravity of the situation. We’re the gatekeepers of truth, damn it! But fear not, for we have a champion in our corner. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the co-founder and CEO of Axios, Jim Vandehei!

As Vandehei strides toward the ring, Johnny Suave can’t help but make a quip.

Johnny Suave: Well, well! If it isn’t the man who turned long-form journalism into bite-sized chunks!

Vandehei grabs a microphone, his face flushed with emotion.

Jim Vandehei: I hate this damn debate about not needing the media. It’s bull*BLEEP*!

Vandehei barrels on.

Jim Vandehei: It’s about sitting in a war zone, telling people what’s actually happening, not just looking at distortion. That matters, damn it!

Vandehei’s eyes blaze with intensity as he continues his impassioned speech.

Jim Vandehei: It matters profoundly! We don’t love getting up at 3:00, 4:00 in the morning every single day for kicks. We do it because it matters!

Johnny Suave chuckles.

Johnny Suave: Sounds like someone needs to invest in a good alarm clock.

Vandehei plows on, his voice rising.

Jim Vandehei: Everything we do is under fire. Elon Musk sits on Twitter – or X, whatever – every day saying, ‘We are the media, you are the media.’ Well, my message to Elon Musk is: Bull*BLEEP*!

The crowd collectively gasps at the expletive, some cheering, others booing.

Jim Vandehei: You’re not the media!

Vandehei gesticulates wildly.

Jim Vandehei: Having a blue check mark, a Twitter handle, and 300 words of cleverness doesn’t make you a reporter!

Vandehei, now red-faced and sweating, barrels on.

Jim Vandehei: It’s no more legitimate than me looking at your head, seeing you have a brain, and declaring myself a damn neurosurgeon!

Vandehei’s face is beet red, veins bulging in his neck as he paces the ring like a caged animal. He grips the microphone so tightly his knuckles are white.

Jim Vandehei: Being a reporter’s hard. Really hard. You have to care.

Johnny Suave: Unlike caring about your blood pressure, apparently.

Jim Vandehei: You have to do the hard work. You have to get up every single day and say I want to get to the closest approximation of the truth without any fear, without any favoritism.

As Vandehei rants, Suave thinks to himself, “This guy’s about two seconds away from spontaneously combusting. I wonder if PCW’s insurance covers ‘death by righteous indignation’?”

Vandehei’s pacing intensifies, his gestures becoming more wild with each word.

Jim Vandehei: You don’t do that by popping off on Twitter. You don’t do that by having an opinion. You do it by doing the hard work.

Johnny Suave: But yet, that’s what many in the legacy media did. And that’s why their reputations and the public’s perception of the legacy media is so bad. Speaking of new media… Eva McAvay is back again with another edition of “How Dare You?”

Jim Vandehei: Hey-

PCW cuts away to the cute 9-year-old girl.

***

“How Dare You?” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay Eva’s eyes narrow, her gaze fixating on an imaginary Kamala Harris.

Eva McAvay: And how dare you, Ms. Vice President.  How dare you spend a billion dollars on your campaign and still end up owing twenty million? That’s like buying a Happy Meal and somehow owing McDonald’s your college fund!

The studio audience gasps, a mix of shock and awe rippling through the crowd.

Eva McAvay: If you can’t even balance your campaign checkbook, how in the world do you expect to handle our national piggy bank?

Eva’s tiny fists clench at her sides.

Eva McAvay: You’d probably try to pay off the national debt with Monopoly money!

Eva takes a dramatic pause, her chest heaving with righteous indignation.

Eva McAvay: How. Dare. You!

Each word is punctuated with a stomp of her light-up sneakers.

Suddenly, a tall figure emerges from the shadows of the studio.

Familiar Voice: Hey there, little warrior.

Eva whirls around, her eyes widening in recognition.

Eva McAvay: Y-you’re Elon Musk!

Elon nods, a bemused smile playing on his lips.

Elon Musk: That’s right. And I wanted to tell you, it’s going to be okay.

Eva’s jaw drops.

Elon Musk: We’re going to try and fix it.

Eva McAvay: I… I…

Her eyes roll back in her head and she crumples to the floor in a dead faint.

*THUNK*

Dawn rushes out.

Dawn McGill: Eva?

Elon Musk: It’s okay. It happens all the time.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s one way to end a segment.  Thank you Eva.  Let’s go to our final match tonight… this year’s PCW CEO Match between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris.

***

MAIN EVENT-2024 PCW CEO MATCH: Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots) vs. Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) Suddenly, the familiar brassy strains of the Imperial March fill the air, melding into a thunderous chant that shakes the very foundations of the arena.

TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!

The crowd’s fervor reaches a fever pitch as Donald Trump emerges, bathed in a sea of red light. Kid Rock’s “American Rock and Roll” blasts through the speakers, and Trump raises his arms triumphantly, soaking in the adulation.

Suave’s voice rises above the din.

Johnny Suave: There he is! The man who promises to make PCW great again!

Crowder interjects, her tone skeptical.

Colleen Crowder: Or plunge it into chaos, depending on your perspective.

Trump struts down the ramp, his signature red tie flapping as he gestures to the crowd. J.D. Vance appears at his side, pumping his fist in solidarity.

As they near the ring, the music fades, replaced by Beyoncé’s “Freedom.” The crowd’s reaction splits, boos and cheers mingling in a cacophony of political division.

Oprah Winfrey steps out on stage… her voice booms through the arena.

Oprah Winfrey: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… KAMALA HAR-RIS!

Harris emerges with Tim Walz, her stride purposeful, her eyes locked on the ring where Trump awaits. As she rolls under the bottom rope, their gazes meet, the air between them crackling with tension.

Johnny Suave: This is it, folks. The future of PCW – and perhaps America itself – will be decided tonight in this very ring.

Crowder nods gravely.

Colleen Crowder: Two ideologies, two visions for the future, about to collide in spectacular fashion. Let’s just hope the right vision prevails tonight.

As Harris and Trump circle each other, the crowd’s chants grow louder, a nation divided echoed in the voice of the PCW faithful.

Johnny Suave: Your referee will be Davey Keels.   Hang on tight… we are in for a wild ride tonight.  Trump versus Harris.  The winner becomes the new CEO of PCW.

The bell rings, echoing through the arena as Trump and Harris lock up in the center of the ring. The crowd’s roar is deafening, a cacophony of cheers and boos battling for dominance.

Harris strikes first, her leg whipping out in a low kick that catches Trump off guard. She follows up with a swift enziguri, her foot connecting with Trump’s temple. The former president stumbles, and Harris pounces for the cover.

“One!” Davey Keels’ hand slaps the mat, but Trump kicks out with force.

Johnny Suave: Harris coming out hot! But Trump’s not going down that easy!

Trump, shaking off the cobwebs, grabs Harris and attempts to fling her into the ropes. But Harris, ever the politician, reverses the momentum. Trump, caught off-guard, grabs the ropes to steady himself.

Colleen Crowder: Slick move by Harris! She’s not letting Trump dictate the pace!  She can do this.

Trump, his face a mask of determination, trips Harris as she rebounds off the ropes. She hits the mat hard, and Trump capitalizes with a brutal basement uppercut.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump with that patented ‘low blow’ we’ve seen so often in his political career! .

The crowd is on its feet as Trump follows up with a sliding lariat, his arm clotheslining Harris with devastating impact. He goes for the cover, and Keels’ hand comes down again.

“One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump, frustration evident on his face, grabs Harris and bodily throws her through the ropes. The fans closest to the action scatter as Harris crashes to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Trump taking this fight outside the ring!

Colleen Crowder: Just like he takes everything outside the norms of politics!

As Trump follows Harris to the outside, she scrambles for a weapon. Her hand finds a steel chair, and she swings with all her might.

CLANG!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

The sound reverberates through the arena as the chair connects with Trump’s head. He goes down hard, and Harris seizes control.

Johnny Suave: Harris is dismantling Trump!

For the next five minutes, Harris dominates, utilizing the chair and every dirty trick in the book. She goes for multiple covers, but Trump’s resilience shines through.

Colleen Crowder: Trump kicks out at one!

Crowder sounds almost disappointed.

Colleen Crowder: You’ve got to wonder where he’s getting this strength from!  Come on Kamala!

Harris, growing desperate, attempts to pillmanize Trump’s knee with the chair. But in a move that shocks everyone, Trump no-sells the attack, popping up as if nothing happened.

Johnny Suave: Unbelievable! Trump just shrugged off what should have been a devastating move! Is he even human?

As they make their way back to the ring, Harris tries to climb in first. But Trump, seizing the opportunity, grabs her and slams her hard to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump gives her a taste of her own medicine!”

Crowder winces.

Colleen Crowder: This match is far from over, Johnny.  At least, that’s the narrative we’re reporting.

The ring creaks under the weight of the combatants as Trump and Harris circle each other, a wooden table now situated ominously in the corner. Walz and Vance, like opposing cornermen in a boxing match, toss chairs into the ring, the metallic clang echoing through the arena.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, this is turning into a hardware store! We’ve got tables, we’ve got chairs – what’s next, a kitchen sink?

Trump lunges forward, grabbing Harris in a headlock. She counters, twisting out and shoving him towards the ropes. As Trump rebounds, Harris ducks, aiming for a backdrop. But Trump leapfrogs over her, landing with surprising agility for a man his age.

Johnny Suave: Did you see that, Colleen? Trump’s moving like a man half his age!

Colleen Crowder: Whatever John-

Colleen Crowder’s reply is cut short as a commotion erupts at ringside. Neal Conn…

Johnny Suave: Here comes Neal Conn… making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order.  I’m supposed to say that whenever I say his name.

…and Hallie Burton…

Johnny Suave: Hallie Burton- protector of the military-industrial complex… yes… I’m supposed to say that too.

Conn and Burton along with a group of well-dressed individuals storm the ring, led by a figure that looks like Darth Vader crossed with Dick Cheney.

Johnny Suave: I wondered when they’d be making their appearance.  It’s the Never Trumper group Conservative, Inc. and is that… Darth Dick Cheney?

The group swarms the ring.  But then…

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION!

‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell, ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, and the ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen hop the rail and tackle Conn and Burton.

Johnny Suave: The AHC are taking care of Conservative Inc.  but the Never Trumpers are at ringside now!

Bill Kristol and Charlie Sykes pulling Trump’s legs out from under him. Jonah Goldberg and David French follow up with chair shots to Trump’s back.

Harris retreats to a corner, a smirk playing on her lips as she watches the chaos unfold.

Johnny Suave: This is a travesty! Where’s the referee? Where’s security?

As if in answer, the crowd pops when a new group charges down the ramp. Elon Musk leads the charge, followed closely by Vivek Ramaswamy and Bobby Kennedy Jr.

Johnny Suave: The anti-establishment squad is here!

Musk slides into the ring, immediately tackling David Brooks. Ramaswamy goes after Mitt Romney, while RFK Jr. grapples with George Conway.

The ring becomes a sea of flailing limbs and flying chairs. Tulsi Gabbard grabs the Washington Post’s so-called ‘conservative’ columnist Jennifer Rubin by the hair, tossing her over the top rope.

Johnny Suave: Jen Rubin… who called for newspaper writers to quit the LA Times and USA Today because they wouldn’t endorse Kamala Harris… but didn’t offer to quit the Washington Post… gets thrown out of the ring.

Trump, finally free from the pile-on, stumbles to his feet. He locks eyes with Darth Dick Cheney, who’s advancing menacingly.

Johnny Suave: Here we go. Time to drain the swamp.

Trump grabs a nearby chair.

Colleen Crowder: I’m a little conflicted on this.  Yes, Cheney throwing his support to Harris is good.  But Dick Cheney?  Ehhh…

As Cheney reaches for him, Trump swings the chair with all his might, connecting with a resounding clang that seems to shake the very foundations of the arena.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! Down goes Cheney!

Nicole Shanahan tosses Liz Cheney through the ropes.

Johnny Suave: And there goes Liz.  Wait… there���s a commotion.  Now what?

The arena erupts as a new wave of chaos descends upon the ring. A swarm of suits and microphones floods down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: The legacy media has arrived! ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, NPR, CNN, MSNBC – they’re all here!

Colleen Crowder leans forward, her eyes gleaming.

Colleen Crowder: Finally, some real journalists to set the record straight!

The legacy media crew circles the ring like sharks, but J.D. Vance is ready. He clotheslines an MSNBC anchor over the top rope, then hip-tosses a CNN correspondent out of the ring.

Colleen becomes alarmed.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?

Johnny Suave: Vance is cleaning house!” Suave shouts. “These media folks are about as welcome as fact-checkers at a campaign rally!”

Vivek Ramaswamy joins the fray, suplexing a CBS reporter onto a conveniently placed table.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Suddenly, the crowd erupts and Suave’s voice reaching a fever pitch.

Johnny Suave: IT’S JOE ROGAN!”

The podcast king sprints down the ramp, leaping into the ring with the agility of a UFC fighter. Rogan immediately locks eyes with a terrified ABC anchor.

Rogan growls, before launching into a spinning back kick that sends the anchor flying through the ropes.

As Rogan, Vance, and Ramaswamy clear the ring of the last media stragglers, the crowd chants: “JOE! JOE! JOE!”

But the night is far from over. The familiar strains of “Hail to the Chief” fill the arena, and two figures appear at the top of the ramp.

Colleen Crowder: YES!  It’s Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama!

Crowder can barely containing her excitement.

Colleen Crowder: Maybe they can get Harris across the line.

As they make their way down, Tulsi Gabbard locks eyes with Hillary. Without warning, she sprints across the ring and dives through the ropes, tackling Clinton to the ground.

Johnny Suave: CAT-FIGHT… CAT-FIIIIIIGHT!

The two women roll around on the entrance ramp.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Johnny Suave: Hillary Clinton once accused Tulsi an agent of Russia back in 2019 after Gabbard tore apart Kamala Harris in a debate.  She didn’t forget.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Suddenly, Don Cheadle, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr, Scarlett Johansson, and Paul Bettany appear on stage.

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Johnny Suave: Big Hollywood’s big stars are here tonight on Kamala Harris’s behalf and-  WAIT!

The arena erupts in chaos as a group of bearded men in suspenders and wide-brimmed hats storm the stage.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP.

Suave’s voice cracks with disbelief.

Johnny Suave: It’s a group of angry Amish men from Pennsylvania!

Colleen Crowder: WH- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: They’re mad because of a January federal raid on a local raw milk farm in Bird in Hand, Pa.  The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture stormed Amos Miller’s farm Jan. 4 after reports of illnesses in children linked to raw dairy products purchased there.

As straw hats and designer sunglasses fly, Trump seizes the moment. He grabs Harris, whipping her into the ropes.

Johnny Suave: Hotshot Stunner!

Trump catches Harris on the rebound, driving her head into his shoulder.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOO!

Trump’s not done. He hoists Harris up in a fireman’s carry, circling the ring as the crowd roars as Trump brings Harris crashing down.

Johnny Suave: Side Slam by Trump and he’s in control of this match.

Davey Keels slides into position, his hand slapping the mat. “One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump climbs the turnbuckle, his tie flapping in the wind. The fans are on their feet, cell phones raised to capture the moment. Suddenly, a blur of movement catches Trump’s eye.

Colleen Crowder: It’s Joy Reid!

The MSNBC host runs in and grabs Harris, pulling her to safety.

Trump’s face contorts with frustration.

Johnny Suave: You can run, but you can’t hide from the red wave!

Colleen Crowder: Stop saying that!

Trump leaps from the turnbuckle and pursues Harris around the ring.

As Trump chases Harris back inside, Suave leans into his mic.

Johnny Suave: Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my days at PCW, but this… this is unprecedented!

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

The arena plunges into darkness.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.

A sinister cackle echoes through the speakers as lightning flashes across the jumbotron.

Johnny Suave: It’s the Supreme Dark Overlord of PCW, Joe Biden!

A hooded figure emerges from billowing smoke, dressed like the political version of Star Wars’ Emperor Palpatine.  His eyes glowing an eerie blue behind a pair of dark sunglasses beneath the cowl. As he raises his gnarled hands and removes the sunglasses, electricity crackles from his eyes.

A bolt of political force energy shoots from Biden’s eyes. Trump ducks, the electricity sizzling past his ear and hitting a hot dog vendor in the aisle behind him incinerating him instantly.

J.D. Vance scrambles, grabbing a nearby mirror and tossing it to Trump. Trump catches the mirror just as another bolt flies towards him. He angles the glass, deflecting the energy. It ricochets, striking Kamala Harris. Her pants ignite in blue flames.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: My God! Her pants are on fire!

Johnny Suave: Hmmm… I seem to remember a certain phrase that ends with ‘pants on fire.’

Colleen Crowder: That’s not funny!

Harris shrieks, desperately patting at the flames. Tim Walz rushes to her aid.

Biden’s eyes unleash a second bolt of political force energy.  Again, Vance deflects this one into the path of Tim Walz who stumbles into its path. His own trousers burst into flames.

Colleen Crowder: JOE!  STOP!

Johnny Suave: It’s pandemonium in the ring! We’ve got flaming politicians everywhere!

Trump seizes his chance. As Harris flails, trying to extinguish herself, he lunges forward. In one fluid motion, he wraps his arms around her waist and rolls her up from behind.

Referee Davey Keels drops to the mat. “One!”

The crowd roars.

“Two!”

Trump grits his teeth, using all his strength to keep Harris pinned.

“Three!”

The bell rings. Trump releases his hold, staggering to his feet as the realization hits him.

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

On the stage, Biden’s lips curl into a satisfied smirk. His work here is finished. He turns, disappearing into the shadows as quickly as he arrived.

Kimber Marshall makes it official.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner and new CEO of PCW… DONALD TRUMP!

The arena erupts. Vance, Musk, Ramaswamy, RFK Jr., Gabbard, and Shanahan flood the ring, lifting Trump onto their shoulders in triumph.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe it!

Crowder gasps, her professional facade cracking.

Colleen Crowder: Harris was on fire… literally!

Johnny Suave: And she lost.

Colleen Crowder: And she lost.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, looks like Trump just fired Harris from the top job!

Colleen Crowder: Stop rubbing it in.

Suave turns to his co-commentator, his voice thick with emotion.

Johnny Suave: We’ve witnessed history tonight. Donald Trump has become the first person in the PCW era to do what Grover Cleveland once did a hundred years ago- win two non-consecutive terms.  Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is once again at the helm of PCW.

Colleen Crowder: Oh God… no.

As the celebration rages, a commotion erupts at the entrance ramp. New York Governor Kathy Hochul storms out, her face as red as the seats of the American Patriot section as she shrieks into a microphone.

Kathy Hochul: Anyone who supports Donald Trump and this… this travesty is anti-American!

Suddenly, two costumed figures burst from the crowd.

Johnny Suave: Wait!  Is that… Peanut the Squirrel and Fred the Raccoon?

The anthropomorphic duo charges Hochul, executing a perfect double clothesline that sends her sprawling.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: And now Kathy Hochul get taken out by two dead pets!

The crowd’s cheers turn to boos as Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post rushes the stage, shoving Peanut and Fred to the floor.

Jennifer Rubin: MAGA squirrel deserved to die!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jennifer Rubin: The media, it must be said, did not fulfill its role in educating the public and advancing truth as their primary objective. Refusal to explore Trump’s manifest defects and place him and his movement in the context of fascist strongmen and their cults had the effect of normalizing and legitimizing a candidate utterly unfit for office. But the facts nevertheless were there for anyone who cared to look. At some point, voters are responsible for their own decisions.

The crowd’s roar intensifies as Dawn McGill’s entrance music hits. The statuesque blonde strides down the ramp, her piercing blue eyes locked on Jennifer Rubin in the ring. Dawn’s tight black dress hugs her curves, leaving little to the imagination.

Dawn sneers at Rubin and snatches a microphone.

Dawn McGill: Well, well, if it isn’t the Washington Post’s resident hack. Jen Rubin, the queen of bad takes herself.

Rubin bristles, her face reddening.

Jennifer Rubin: How dare you! I’m a respected journalist-

Dawn McGill: You’re a joke.

Dawn cuts her off, climbing into the ring. She towers over Rubin, using every inch of her six-foot frame to intimidate.

Dawn McGill: A smug, stuck-up elitist who wouldn’t know real America if it bit you on your Beltway bubble ass.

The crowd erupts in cheers. Dawn basks in their energy, feeling the electricity coursing through the arena.

Jennifer Rubin: Listen here, you silicone-enhanced bimbo.

Rubin jabs a finger at Dawn’s chest.

Jennifer Rubin: I’ve forgotten more about politics than you’ll ever know!

Dawn’s eyes narrow dangerously. In one fluid motion, she grabs Rubin’s wrist and twists, eliciting a yelp of pain.

Dawn McGill: First of all, these are 100% real, honey. Second, you can take your elitist attitude and go *BLEEP* yourself with it.

The censored expletive echoes through the arena, drawing shocked gasps and raucous cheers in equal measure. Dawn releases Rubin’s wrist, shoving her back against the ropes.

Dawn McGill: You need to get out of your ivory tower and see what’s really going on in this country instead of sipping your lattes and writing hit pieces.

Rubin, red-faced and sputtering, stumbles backwards out of the ring. She trips on the bottom rope, nearly face-planting on the floor before catching herself. As she scurries up the ramp, Dawn’s laughter follows her.

Then… of course… Keith Olbermann appears, red-faced and spittle-flecked.

Keith Olbermann: Russian collusion!

Johnny Suave: Oh… no.

Keith Olbermann: It’s all Russian collusion!

Aimee Allen’s Ron Paul Anthem begins to play and the crowd pops.

Wake up! Wake up! Good morning America! Rise and Shine.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!  NO WAY!

Rise and Shine!

A group appears and two drummers lead the procession. Some hold up a sign with a black and white drawing on the side of Ron Paul’s face with ‘Ron Paul-Revolution’ on the bottom.

Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight

Johnny Suave: HE’S BACK!

Keith Olbermann: What the- ARRRRRGHHHH!

Olbermann gets pushed off the stage and lands on the floor.

Ron Paul! Start a revolution and break down illegal institutions

Finally Ron Paul himself appears.

Johnny Suave: RON PAUL AND HIS NEW LIBERTARIAN ARMY ARE BACK IN PCW!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: Why not?

The parade starts down the ring towards Trump, Musk, and the others.

PCW!… PCW!… PCW!…

[fourteentheight-blog]

week 16

ht: 5'2" (158 cm)

sw: 62.92 (138.71 lbs)

pww: 53.70 (118. 38 lbs)

cw: 53.20 (117.28 lbs)

pbmi: 21.5

bmi: 21.3

lw: 51kg

hw: 63kg

gw1: 58kg ✔️

gw2: 56kg ✔️

gw3: 51kg

ugw: 49kg

SCREECHING I didn't expect to lose any weight at all this week bcs I went on a whole beach trip where I had to eat like a normal person for you 3 days but I guess it pays off to stay active even on vacation. I just took every opportunity to swim and play physical games and walk around as much as I can to burn off the normal person food I was eating there and it works! this week tho I'm gonna try fasting for more than my intermittent fast hours. I'm thinking of skipping lunch tmr cuz I wanna try going an entire day without eating, then maybe just some light snacks in between and soup for dinner. I'm excited already! I just wanna lose so much more weight now that I've seen how pretty and sexy sk1nny girls can be in bikinis and I wanna be them too someday so wml ✨

[harveybwabbit92]

Down the wormhole: Emmet x fem Reader [1/3]

Soulmate au: where a tattoo-like rings with names appear on your fingers when you meet your soulmate(s) the color varies on the type of soulmate. Platonic or familiar show up as purple or blue and appear on your middle or index finger, and romantic soulmates are usually red or pink and appear on your ring finger.

[Summary:  AU: A girl in a world without Pokémon gets warped to Unova and appears in the gear station after hours, where she's found by  Emmet, things do not start out all wishy-washy between them, Emmet is cold towards Y/n's existence and ignores anything she tries to do for him, angst with happy end.]

---------------------------------------------

Y/n sighed as she looked down at the dinner table another day of wasted food.... *I don't why I even bother doing anything for him, he's never gonna thank me...* The y/ht woman thought as she scraped the cold food into the Pokémon's food dish Emmet's Joltiks came crawling out of the woodwork happily squeaking as they devoured the abandoned meal, funny how these little yellow fuzzballs used to scare Y/n when she first arrived in this world three months ago, then again when Y/n first arrived she was scared of everything! Pokémon didn't exist in her world they were just a game series! That was hard thing to explain to the international police agent that was sent to interview her. 

Once Emmet and the Nimbasa PD believed Y/n wasn't a suicidal woman who hadn't tried jump in front of an oncoming train of course. Then she found out she was Emmet's soulmate, and was happy at first thinking. "Hey, alright, I won't be alone, I'll have someone who cares about me and will teach me how this world works!" Y/n thought wrong as soon she was returned to Emmet's custody, he pretty much made it clear he found her presence annoying.

The only time he acknowledged the Y/ht once. (Aside from saving Y/n from the tracks.) was when he asked about the wormhole she fell out of? She knew he was asking in hopes that she could help him find Ingo, but when she couldn't give Emmet the answers he wanted, the subway boss pretty much regarded Y/hc as nothing more then a houseplant that he sometimes remembers to water. E.I leaves out some money for her use, and then stays at the station all day and then lock himself up in his room when he was home.

Y/n was optimistic at first she thought if maybe she did a little things around the house, then maybe Emmet would open up to her? Heck, she even started showing up during his lunch breaks to bring him food, she ignored the snickering from his fans and the sympathetic looks from the staff as Emmet turned her away for the umpteenth time, it seemed nothing she did seem to work, as it always resulted in the same annoyed grimace and cold shoulder from Emmet.

Not today though..."Here." she sighed handing the lunch she made to a random Depot Agent who looked at the y/hc surprised. "Do you want me to hand it off to the boss?" the agent asked bemused wat she wasn't going to his office like she usually does, Y/n just shook her head, she was done. "No, you can have it he'll just throw it away..." Y/n voice waivered as her lips quivered as she held back a sob, and left the station holding back tears. 

Y/n pretty much stayed locked in the guest room for the rest of the day, if she wasn't crying she was sleeping occasionally one of the baby Joltiks would peek in on her and try to get her to play with them, the y/hc woman would look at them sadly and rollover ignoring them, the Pokémon cooed sadly and scuttle away, it was long before Y/n heard the front door unlock, Emmet was home.

She heard him hang up his keys and walk to the kitchen and straight to hi...(silence.) *Hm.. Why'd he stop?* Y/n wondered, as she heard Emmet shuffle around the kitchen like he was looking for something, then she heard the fridge open. *oh, he was just getting a drink.* she thought before hearing his footstep start up down the hall again, Y/n noted the footfalls seemed a bit more brisk then usual before stopping in front of her door, Y/n closed her eyes as she felt Emmet staring at her back "um, y-y/n I...i hrn...." he tried to say something but gave up and just went to his room. 

(Meanwhile, let's have a rewind shall we?)

Emmet was at the Gear station headed to his office for his break, he sighed knowing Y/n was going to be there with that stupid fake smile on her face trying to get him to eat lunch with her, The conductor huffed as he rounded the corned only to furrow his brows when didn't see Y/n sitting on the bench by his office like she usually did, gray eyes surveyed the lobby bemused, as his stomach churned as wondered where the y/ht woman could be? when he heard two of his Depot agents sitting down to lunch. "Hey man that looks bomb, did your mom make that?" The older man asked his younger co-worker pointing at his lunch curiously.

"Um, no. That lady...uh Y/n gave it to me." Emmet's mouth felt dry as he watched the younger depot agent bite into the chili fries Y/n had made. "I can't believe the boss is turnin' these away, it so awesome!" Emmet looked between the warm and colorful sweet potato chili fries and the cold and bland vending machine egg sandwich in his hands frowned. "Hey wanna split the nanab bread? it's got choco-" the were cut off by Emmet's office door slamming shut loudly causing everyone in the lobby to jump.

Cut to Emmet coming home, the conductor felt the same butterfrees churning in his stomach, when he didn't hear Y/n greet him, he ignored it and continued passing by the kitchen and paused not seeing any dinner waiting on the table like you usually did, Emmet did something he hasn't done once since Y/n arrived he panicked, he looked around around the kitchen thinking she put the food away in cased he wanted it later... (he never did, but she still hoped).

He closed the fridge and briskly made his way to the guest room and relaxed a little when she saw Y/n on the bed back facing him, Emmet open and tried to speak "um, y-y/n I...i hrn...." he gave up and went his room, what the hell could he say? He spent months rebuffing her attempts at a relationship, and now suddenly he's acting like a jealous child, because Y/n gave another guy food? Elesa was right he is pathetic...

[later at 2am.]

Y/n woke up her eyes were sore and her mouth felt dry, she got out of bed and went to go to bathroom an get a drink, it was while Y/n was getting bottle of water out of the fridge, Y/n looked around the décor around the livingroom, she noted the gym badges and awards Ingo and Emmet had accumulated over the years, she's seen them all before, but for some reason, they're really standing out to her right now... *Maybe... Maybe I could be trainer, maybe that would get Emmet's attention?* Y/n thought if a bunch of ten year old can do it,  then so can she! Plus, Elesa did take her to the DTR (Department of trainers registration.) to get her license. The y/ht woman marched back into her room and quietly began to pack, Once Y/n was sure she had everything she needed she left a note on the kitchen table a went to put her shoes on when a sound caused her to pause.

Y/n tensed up and looked up and saw Emmet's Eelektross quietly coming towards her. "What are you doing?" she hissed checking down the hall to make sure Emmet wasn't awake. "Wross..." Did he have something in his mouth? Y/n held out her hand and grimaced as Electross deposited a slobber covered Pokéball in her hand, Ew...Wait, this was. "I-is this yours?" Eelektross smiled nodded.

"Elec.."

"You wanna come with me?"

"Tross!~"

"Ok, shh... But if anyone asks? it was your idea."

Eelektross  chirped a Y/n put him back in his ball and the y/th and quietly went out the backdoor and disappeared into the night, the next morning Emmet was woken up by a bunch of Joltiks angry screeching and jumping on his bed, the conductor woke up with a start and was looking at them bemused as he tried tried calming them down. "What's gotten into you guys?" he asked as they just kept screeching, He got Galvantula to eventually calm down her babies, but holy Arc were they mad! Emmet sighed as he looked at the calendar and saw it was his day off...

Great now, he's gotta decide if he'll locked up in here all day or actually try and mend...No, establish a bridge between him and Y/n... speaking of, Emmet sniffed the air and noticed there was no smell of food being cooked nor could he hear Y/n humming moving around the kitchen, which got him unnerved he checked the guest room and found the drawers were emptied, Emmet's stomach dropped as he ran around the house checking every room, He even checked Ingo's room....she's not here.

Emmet  walked into the kitchen to check the basement maybe she was just doing laundry, that why the drawers were empty! However he paused when he noticed the note left on the kitchen table, Emmet's hand was shaking as he read it. "That idiot..." he hissed running to his room got dressed and quickly rushed out the door, only to come back a few seconds later, when he realized he forgot his Pokémon, Emmet was on the phone with Elesa telling her about the situation, Oh, boy did the gym leader have few choice words for Emmet... But agreed to put the word have people keep an eye out for his soulmate, in his rush to get back outside, in his haste Emmet hadn't noticed  Eelektross 's ball was missing.

[Meanwhile: Note I'm using the Black and white two Pokédex.]

Y/n sighed as she collapsed on a rock exhausted feeling like she ran a marathon, she looked her shoulder and saw Nimbasa city a good distance away. "Damn, this place is bigger then it was in game... I must be in the anime." she sighed taking a drink of water from her canteen, while she was thinking about he next move Y/n didn't notice she was being watched, until Electross popped out of his ball growling. "What is it bud?" Y/n looked behind her and saw a Beldum peeking out from the bushes, watching them. "Oh... I see." Okay so this is happening Y/n thought as she reached for a Pokéball and wonder if she should attack first or throw blindly?

She opted for option two since Beldum looked pretty weak... Y/n aimed the Pokéball and threw it hitting Beldum it disappeared in a flash and the y/hc woman and  Eelektross  watched the ball cautiously as it moved around the flashed green. "Holy crap... I caught my first Pokémon!" Y/n cheered hugging  Eelektross  and picking up Beldum's ball only to feel the ground rumbling and something huge burst from the ground an Onix... Y/n looked back at Electross and swallowed hard. "Here go..." She said nervously hoping Eelektross knew a water move.

Cut to Y/n staring down at Onix's ball with a giddy smile, It was good thing Eelektross knew aqua tail otherwise that battle would've gone south real fast! Y/n gave Eelektross Sitrus berry to help it regain some the health it lost in it's battle with Onix, the last thing she wanted was Emmet having another reason to dislike her for. "I should probably heal Onix while I'm at it... Y/n hummed taking out Onix's ball and in a flash the rock snake was in front of her eyeing her warily as she sprayed him with super potion, Onix seemed to lighten up now he was healed up, all in all it was a great first day on the road.

[dragons-ire]

13. Confluence

When you decided you wanted to have a life outside of expectations, you didn't imagine it would cost them their l-

Stop.

When you tried to come back, you didn't imagine it would cost you your so-

Stop.

Go back. Do it again. Be kinder.

When you were spinning your lance in your foster-fathers hall, imagining it as the crowbar that would leverage you out of your unhappiness…

Keep going.

…you never anticipated how it would look to see the faces of ordinary strangers. Relieved to have a night, a sennight, the rest of their lives of peace. You didn't think about how people looked when they looked into the sky to see clouds and snow and nothing else so threatening.

Better.

When you were made to sit down and share your dinner with a girl that shied away from you like you were a monster in a fairy tale, you didn't think about the day she'd hand you a key to her apartment, a steady flow of coin, a kind of purpose when you'd believed there was nothing else purposeful for you in this world.

When you spent long hours practicing speech with a man who came from nowhere, it was nice to have someone who listened to you. Neither of you had a future then. You weren't expecting him to hand you a hammer and put you to work. Building the house that perhaps both of you wished had been there for you years ago.

When you offered her an out and a chance at a fresh life, you imagined she'd cling around you and then move on and one day she'd be gone. You didn't anticipate that she would still be here. That she would tell you every day she finds new ways to want to be.

When agree to help a man fight his own mother, and you think that the operation will fall apart when its done. It doesn't, but you stay anyways. You work and you work, and when he dosn't say much about your work, it seems like it might not be enough. But you hear his voice from across a crowded room saying something else: He's…he's my friend.

When you held your hand out to her - someone you'd called an enemy for all of a bell - it just seemed like the fair thing to do. You hadn't quite imagined what would happen after she took it.

When she tells you things like this is the best job I've ever had, you know better than to ask what the previous ones were like. You don't think about where your bad ones have been. You look for ways to make this one better.

When you found here out there in the woods, it was simple - just help her get down and on her way. You never imagined she'd come looking for you - that meeting someone once would cause them to worry for you at all, much less ht much.

You'd spent your entire life being told your life was meant for service and sacrifice with a kind of insignificance attached to it. You do what seems like the right thing and you move on and you think everyone does it.

Everyone does not.

They all come back and they all say the same thing: you are a good person.

On your best days you almost believe them.

[innocent-malfoy-slut]

Days with Draco

A/N: this came out longer than I’d expected

... if you were public:

Draco would kiss you wherever and whenever he can

at breakfast, in the Great Hall, he would give you little pecks on your cheeks every now and then, maybe he would also wrap your should with his arm and pulling you closer to him

so close that you have your leg resting on his thigh as you talked with Pansy and Daphne on your right

he would spend breakfast making plans for the day with Blaise, or just staring at you as you were focused on repeating for an up-coming test

since you’re both Slytherins, you would walk hand-in-hand to your classes

and when he feels extremely sweet, Draco would bring your books for you

between a class and another you would lean against a cold, stone-made wall and kiss until you’re out of breath, your lips reddish and swollen

Professors McGonagall and Snape definitely wouldn’t like that, so you tried to be as careful a you could before their lessons 

you would wait lunch being served in the Slytherin’s common room, together with your group of friends, chatting about the morning lessons 

the topics would change, and also the attitude of your friends towards some other people, what would never change was you, sitting on Draco’s lap, his hands brushing against your thighs, under your skirt, while yours would just lay on his arm

you didn’t pay attention to any of their talks, you just enjoyed being touched by your boyfriend and, even though you were in a room crowded of people, you laid there, shivering whenever his fingers went up too far

“remember where we are” you would scold him careful not to let everyone else hearing you

“I wouldn’t mind showing them how much of a good girl you are”

your little interaction stopped there, as you were told to make it to the Great Hall for lunch

it would be very similar to breakfast; your leg resting on his, though this time you would just pay attention to each other -your friends not even trying to engage a talk with you

during the early hours of the afternoon you would just sit under a tree far away from the castle, enjoying the silence the nature had to offer you

Draco would have his arm around your shoulders, canceling any distance between you two

your head would be resting in the crock of his neck and your hands would be waved together, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hands, and you doing the same

“what about studying in my room today?”

both of you knew how little homework you would do when alone in a room, so you would try a compromise 

“let’s study in the library until five and then we go to your room?”

Draco would just put on a pout and give you the puppy’ eyes, though after a while you had learned to say “no” to them. and that was what you would do

as you had already imagined, the hours spent in Draco’s room hadn’t led you to study, instead you’d spent hours snogging and rubbing against each other

only ten minutes after closing the door behind your backs, your clothes  would already be scattered around the room and you’d be straddling him

“I really like this subject” Draco’d have his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and closer to him, while his mouth would leave wet, hot kisses on your shoulder going up to your chin “I’m astonished by your beauty, my love”

Draco had always beee great with words, amazing you each time he’d make you a compliment. particularly, he’d love to address flatteries to your body when he had the chance

it would make you blush and hide your face in the crock of his neck, “you don’t need to do that every time”

“I’ll stop when you will stop blushing” from that moment on your kisses would change into desperate and passionate, burning every inch of your skin, his hands cupping your face, or gather your hair in a ponytail with his fingers

you’d shivered underneath his touch as if it was the first time, and it only increased when Draco’s fingers reached the latch of your bra and, with a swift move, removed it 

both his hands would grabbed your tits, his skilled fingers playing with your pinkish nipples, before placing his lips on them 

“D-draco” you’d moaned as you felt his tongue caressing them, gently at first and as time passed, he’d suck more harshly, making you moan

the increase would make you a “wet mess” -as Draco loved calling you 

as you frantically grinned against his hips, you felt him growing harder beneath you -it could get inside you without much of effort

“what’s wrong, my love?” he mocked you, a smirk plastered on his face “do you want anything?”

you moaned and tried to rub your thighs, smoothing the not ignorable aching core 

“talk to me, baby” his grasp on your chin would be rough, forcing your eyes in his “what something?”

“you...all of you” you captured his lips in yours and let your hands wander on his bare torso, “please, Draco” 

“I still don’t get what you want, honey” while saying it, he would hit your throbbing cunt

“please, Draco, fuck me” you’d squint your eyes as the ache became unbearable “fuck me with your fingers, your mouth, your cock”

Draco would give a quick look at the clock on his bedside table“well, we don’t have enough time, so...you’d better be ready for this”

you put a spell on the door and put away your wand once and far all, finally focusing only on the two of you

meanwhile Draco had lowered his boxers, his cock was already reddish and the tip was leaking with the pre-cum, “all this only for me?” you teased him as you gave him a few strokes, before alining it at your entrance

you slide it easily in, taking it all the way in until its tip hit your deepest spot, “you’re so big”

you knew that kind of statement would increase his ego, but you also liked seeing his satisfied smirk on his face every time you would say that

“and you’re fucking tight”

your words game would go on for a while, though it’d be cut off by you bouncing on his cock and him staring at you, arms crossed behind his head, as you struggled to keep it together

he’d take control only when he noticed your legs trembling and your arms no longer holding your weight. without flipping you over, he’d pound into you at an ungodly speed, faster and faster

“you’re not capable of taking control” he’d hold your head near to his hearts -which you heard beating inside his chest- while he’d make you reach your high, “you keep trying, but you fail every” thrust “single” thrust “time”

a flow of hot cum would be released into you as you reach your climax at the same time

“I love you” “I love you, too”

after dinner you’d part your ways, until the next morning

...if you were not public (most likely belonging to a different house): 

Draco would definitely tease you in public from afar, but when behind ht e door of a safe room he’d be the best of the boyfriends -showing you a never-seen side of him

you’d wake up at the sound of your clock going on, together with all your dorm mates

you’d enter the Great Hall next to your friends, talking with them as you sat down at your house’s table

maybe at first you’d actually be interested in their conversation, but then a owl delivered you a letter 

a deep black envelope with the silver seal reminding a serpent which you carefully unfolded and found inside it a black card which said: “meet me at the Girl’s Lavatory out of service”

you’d excuse yourself from your your friends and quickly walked out of the Hall, climbing up the stairs and opening the door of the bathroom once you had reached it

Draco Malfoy would already be there, waiting for you resting against the wall

“are we late, aren’t we?” with only three steps he’d be a few inches in front of you

“I’ve got short legs, it isn’t my fault” you’d try to catch his lips between yours but you failed as he threw his head back “don’t you want your good morning kiss? well, I can go and give him to someone else”

no matter how old that sentence would be, it would always make him jealous 

in fact, also that time, he’d grab your wrist and pull you back against him

“stupid girl” Draco’d lean in for a gentle kiss, your lips soft and tasting against his “my stupid girl”

you’d melt in his thigh embrace and leave at him the job to lead the kiss

it soon turned into a make out session, which kept its sweet way

“see you again here after your last morning class”

you’d leave the bathroom at the distance of 10 minutes from one another and you’d meet up with your friends soon after -avoiding their questions about your strange behaviour

the thought of seeing him again would keep you from focusing on your classes, though you’d always manage to be among the top 5 students of each class

as you were about to turn around the corner and enter the bathroom on the first floor, you’d see someone else sneaking in

you’d put on a pout and metal hex whoever dared to stole your place of secret meeting with Draco

“is something wrong, Y/N?” by the time you had searched for another solution, your friend would have reached you and started worrying seeing you staring at the wall

Draco’d observe the scene from behind another wall, not wanting to keep his eyes off of you as you came up with an excuse to your friend

during the lunch all you did you exchanging looks with your boyfriend 

at first they were innocent, like hidden smiles and quick glances over the table where the other was seated, but then you played too much you the fork in your mouth -you didn’t do it on purpose- and once your eyes went back on him you found him staring at you

on the other end, Draco was dying to meet you, though he was slowly realising you wouldn’t have met him until later that afternoon -being you busy studying with your friends

for the first time since you started seeing each other, Draco decided to sit down with Blaise, Pansy and Daphne in the library, not far away from you -though you were turning your back at him

“try not to fuck her here, okay?” Blaise’s words would block any Draco’s attempt to imagine what would it be like to bend you over the table where you were

Blaise would be the only one to know and no, Draco had never told him anything

“next time remember people can hear her screams from the common room” was how your boyfriend found out his friends knew 

the afternoon passed slowly and painfully, according to Draco Malfoy

when he sat down at the Slytherin’s table, his mind was filled with imagines of you -acting in the most provocative way

he swallowed the entire banquet, if only he would have been able to do that, just to end it and bring you to his room

“mate, she has just left” 

Draco would run out of the Great Hall and discreetly walk closely behind you

you’d smiled at yourself as you perceived his presence behind you and you took the next turn as a chance to grab him by his wrist

“I can’t wait any longer” you made him lean into you and you placed your lips on his

the kiss didn’t keep soft, instead you soon found yourself being pinned up against the wall 

his fingers traced your inner thigh, make you more wet and he went up and down 

 you moaned into the kiss, which allowed him a better entrance in your mouth

“w-we can’t h-here”

“the things I can’t do are very little” he turned you around, your face meeting the cold stone of the wall as he pushed up your clock and your skirt, your soaked panties vanished inside his robe, “fucking you against this wall isn’t among them”

you heard him unbuckling his belt and then his trousers

the cold air hit your cunt and you inhaled deeply

Draco wouldn’t give you any kind of warning before filling you up with his cock

“you’re always so ready to take me in”

“my warm and wet cunt”

he’d pinch your clit, making it harder for you to hold back your moans, “keep quiet” he’d scold you putting his hand over your mouth

his thrusts would become sloppier and faster as both your climax approached

he’d grabbed you by your throat and made you arch your back up to the point where your head was resting on his shoulder

he’d give you a kiss, only as an excuse to spit into your mouth and watch you as your high washed you

“that’s right, take it like the desperate cum slut you are”

he’d cum into you without any warning -again- and keep himself inside you for a couple of minutes -making himself sure his cum wouldn’t go wasted on the floor

he’d watch as you tried to recompose yourself -as if you hadn’t been fucked right in the middle of the hallway

“fuck, it’s sticky” you looked down between your legs and notice a drop of cum went down your inner thigh

you tried to wipe it away but your hand was blocked by Draco’s “leave it there”

“don’t you think I’m done with you” he’d smack your ass “walk”

your next stop would be the Astronomy Tower, where he’d fuck you other three times, before finally letting you head back to your dorm

[harveywritings92]

BNHA vampire soulmate scenario: When you first saw them.

 The first time you saw him, he was feeding off someone.

TWs: Blood, death stalking and attempted assault.

-------------------------------

Mr. Compress: {Your Quirk: Card capture: it's similar to Mr. Compress's quirk but you can entrap people and objects in cards by manifesting these clear glass like cards that slip out from your wrist, you can use them as throwing weapons too as they're very sharp, the only drawback is that you can get severely dehydrated if you overuse it.]

You were walking home late from work just hungry and physically done! today was crap show! first you missed the train then half way to work you forgot you realized you forgot your lunch!, Your boss (who's usually pretty chill) for whatever reason decided he hated your guts today and yelled at you in front of everyone! and to rub salt on the wound you spilt hot coffee all over yourself! so now you arms and chest have burns on them that were itchy as hell! you just wanted to crawl into bed, and forget about this day. 

You decided to cut through the park when you saw a odd pair, a man in a yellow trench coat and top-hat and mask which was pushed to the side kissing a woman in sundress under a streetlight. "huh, how sweet." you sighed exasperated before continuing on you way, when you noticed foot steps coming out behind you, you cautiously reached into your coat for one of your cards... you knew it wasn't the man in the top hat as you did a quick glance over your shoulder he was still  'occupied' you could smell stale alcohol in the air remembering the beware of mugger sign at the park entrance and figured out what was going on when the person was in grabbing range.

You whirled around grabbing your would be assailants arm forcing it up and pulling him towards you, you hissed  felt a sting on your cheek as your free hand slammed your card into his chest "release!" you barked as a powerful cyclone burst from the card sending the man flying off his feet *Thank-you Anko-san* you mentally cheer happy that your friend had a wind-quirk and let you capture it's effects in a card; said card then shattered as it was a one-shot use like all your offense cards. 

The man wheezed as he was thrown to ground next to the "couple". while you took off running! not seeing Top-hat pull away from his lady friend and sniff the air. 

Atsuhiro dropped the woman he was feeding on she slid limply to the ground as he readjusted his mask and followed that delicious scent and found a bloody knife on the ground *Could it be?!* his heart was beating abnormally faster as picked it up and sniffed it he lifted his mask up and licked the blood off the knife, Atsunhiro almost felt alive again as the sweet taste of his mate's blood touch his tongue... 

He was so elated his mask was blushing! (cos anime logic!) "My Darling❣~" he purred in pure ecstasy, but soon his euphoria was cut short when he heard the man who attempted to rob you on the ground cough, the vampiric ex-magician turned in his direction, he could smell this uncultured brutes scent all over the knife mixing his mates. 

Atsuhiro's primal urges were screaming at him to kill the man for harming his mate, however the ex-showman had something else in mind... The next morning you were watching the news on your laptop seeing the mugger at the park last night had been caught, and was being charged with murder for another woman. You felt your stomach churn as the photo of the woman who you saw making out with the top-hat man flashed on screen. 

Than you felt a a chill go down your back!

You nervously looked away from your screen and scanned around the nearly empty café, there's was only you, an elderly couple wearing matching tracksuits enjoying some tea and having a conversation, a tired and obviously hungover mother and her two rowdy kids having breakfast, and lastly a man with black hair and copper eyes wearing a yellow casual suit and gray news boy cap reading a book.

You squint at the title....The magicians nephew, you frowned letting out a small hum; swearing you felt someone's eyes on you, thinking you were just paranoid from last night... you unconsciously traced the healing cut on your cheek and went back to you doing your work, not seeing the copper eyes of Atsuhiro watching you from behind his book with a knowing smirk.

-----------------------------

Dabi: You were walking home drunk to hell as your friends kept you out at the bars until 3am, you decided to take a detour home to get a late night snack/early breakfast at the 7/11 a few blocks from your place, as you were walking to the store you spied what looked a couple making out against the dumpster a few feet a ways, even in your drunken state you couldn't help but scrunched up your nose the sight. "at least take her to cheap motel buddy, jeez..." you muttered the man in the black hood growled back in retort as you entered the store.

While in the shop you frowned seeing you favorite snack was out of stock. "D-dammit." you huffed and looked around before spotting the clerk who was unpacking some packs of ramen. "Hey d'ya got any f/snack left?" you asked trying to keep from slurring your words. "Yeah there should be some packs over by the-" the clerk went to point but forgot they were holding a box cutter and accidentally jabbed you in the leg just under your knee. "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" the clerk gasped while you tried waving them off, it was just an accident, but if it made them feel better you bought some band-aids and disinfectant along with your food the clerk felt soo bad they gave you discount and with that you walked out in to the night....

When you got out your leg was still bleeding it didn't really bother you as you too tipsy to care, besides it's just a tiny cut, as you were leaving you noticed the "couple" still going at it, however now it felt kind of off... and that's when you noticed the man in the black hood stiffen... you stomach felt like it was full of rocks as you watched him slowly turn to face you.

Dabi was busy draining this dumb bimbo who followed him out of the bar after he told her to piss off, but seeing as he hadn't fed on fresh human blood in months, (he was drinking blood-packs of pig's blood.) he decided screw it, she'll know the consequences her actions that is if he doesn't suck her dry.. "at least take her to cheap motel buddy, jeez..." a drunk woman muttered as she passed them Dabi let out a frustrated growl at that jab yet another reason he hates feeding in public, about ten minutes later the vampire's attention was suddenly pulled away from his dinner when a sweet enticing scent invaded his nose. 

Dabi's eyes snapped open his senses were on fire as his inner monster snarled *mine.....mine...* his breathing became labored as he turned away from the woman's neck; her blood dripping down his chin as he turned to look over his shoulder, saw a [y/ht-wt] woman with [y/hc] and starring at him in shock, his eyes drifted down and saw the blood dribbling down her leg, he let go of the woman he was feeding on, she let out a weak wheeze as she fell limply to the ground not that he cared, Dabi took a step towards his mate reaching out to her, only for the woman to snap out of her shock and run....

Leaving the vampire standing there in an almost trance like state, before he looked inside the store could smell faint traces of her blood in the air and saw the clerk washing the bloody box cutter; A guttural growl escaped Dabi's throat as he approached the door. 

The poor oblivious clerk didn't know what was coming as the door chimed telling them a customer had entered the store... "Welcome!" they greeted cheerfully. from an outside point of view there was hot flash of blue from inside the 7/11 followed by the store fire alarms going off.

The next morning you were hiding under your blanket hugging your knees your whole body was shaking while you were watching the news... there was a fire at the 7/11, the clerk was killed their remains were so badly burnt they were carbonized...

-----------------------

Bakugou: You had just started working for his agency as a secretary and were working on late paperwork one of your coworkers pushed on you so they could go on a date, you grumbled as you made your way to the elevator to drop the files off on Bakugou's desk, and were stunned to find the top floor was pitch black! you were trying the navigate in the darkness by feeling desk, when your hand brushed up against a pair of scissors someone left out you hissed feeling them cut your palm, you could feel the blood dripping down you hand and decided screw this! you were going to leave the papers on the desk outside of the boss's office for him to find in the morning, when you noticed the door was open a crack. 

You could hear deep breathing, a woman gasping and grunts, your cheeks felt hot as you though Bakugou was getting frisky with one of his fans. *I never took him for that sort...* you were just going to pretend you didn't hear anything and walk away, but curiosity got the best of you, and with careful steps you crept toward the door and peeked in, and felt you stomach drop when you realized what was going on was not a wham-bam thank you ma'am situation, you threw your hand over your mouth when you saw Bakugou eyes glowing red had his fangs sunk into this woman's neck draining her of blood! Scared you were about to quietly back away from the door when you saw the blond blink pull away from the unconscious woman, sniff the air and... you ran before he could even turn his in the direction of the door, and made it on to the elevator just as a shock of blond hair rounded the corner.

The next morning Bakugou was on edge as he recalled the events last night, one minute he's feeding off some pushy fan-girl and the next, his senses were taken over by this amazing smell it was so enticing he forgot about his hunger and overwhelmed by the insistent need of find it's source... as Katsuki turned his attention to the door he saw someone dash and and he gave chase just in time to get a split second glimpse of a woman with {y/hc} before the elevator doors closed.  

{later after he sent that fan home via cab) 

Bakugou inspected his office and found a blood trail leading from random sidekick's towards his office the couple hurried drops towards the elevator, he curiously swiped his finger threw the blood on the desk where the trail began, licked it a content rumble left his throat, his inner monster purred. *Mate...mine* however that euphoric feeling he felt had soon soon worn off into frustration as the next morning rolled around he had been in the agency all day, and no one who came in today had that scent on them! 

The blond was pissed and ready to rip someone's head off, when he overheard two of his employees talking. "Hey where’s Y/n? I have to thank her for staying back and doing my extra work last night." the other employee shrugged. "She said she hurt her hand last night and was staying home." Neither had noticed the explosive blond who immediately went to his office and pulled your file out for your address, and he here was standing on your front porch, sniffing the air as a cocky smirk graced Katsuki's lips breathing in that sweet scent from last night. "Found you..." he purred. 

[designationpinknoise]

Can you please write me a Drift soulmate AU?

[Set in the Compass AU, a tattoo resembling a compass appears on your wrist when you turn fifteen,when you find your soulmate the compass turns into a random picture like: a flower,bird, tree. etc, Reader is in her late teens 18-19 early twenties.]

Y/n was sad as she looked around the park at all the happy couples on dates playing with their children, soulmates all of them she could tell, by the way their compasses had shifted into beautiful images of hearts, roses and feathers. 

The y/ht woman sighed miserably as she looked down at her compass;Stuck North frozen never moving… She remembered being so excited when it first appeared, but now? it just serves as a bitter reminder of how lonely she was… 

Her compass It never moved. Ever, at firs Y/n’s friends and family tried to take her on vacations to foreign destinations, Italy,Alaska, France…and random areas and parties to see if the compass would move, nothing worked… then they suggested maybe her soulmate wasn’t born yet? which would make sense, if they were dead then the compass would be broken. But if it’s what her friends says is true and her soulmates not even born yet….

Y/n’s stomach was in knots, the thought of being almost two decades older than her soulmate! she’d be seen as a creep! a cradle robber! and probably to old have kids if she wanted any that is. The y/hc woman felt like crying as she took a sip from her ice coffee. Not noticing her compass going nuts the old lady taking a seat next to her did however.

 “Oh my dear, your compass sure is active today.”

Y/n looked at the old woman like she just spoke in an alien language. “Hm?” the old lady tapped on her wrist which had a tattoo of a faded hare. “Your compass dear, It’s on the move your Soulmate must be near by.” Y/n’s brows furrowed as she looked down at her wrist, and the arrow was moving! 

The y/nat woman blinked a few times wondering if this was trick, she grabbed a lighter out of her purse and lit it under her hand and hissed feeling the flame burn her skin…*Holy crap, Oh crap this isn’t a dream! It’s really happening!* she sat up from the bench, hugged the old woman who was in shock watching Y/n burn her hand not a moment earlier. “Thank you!” the y/ht said before taking off in the direction the arrow was pointing.

Y/n walked down the sidewalk looking down at her compass and followed it’s directions then watched as it suddenly went from N to NE right next to her before speeding down S, Confusing the girl as a white sports car drives passed her, It stopped suddenly as it’s right side-mirror adjusted to look at Y/n. 

The car pulled a U-turn and come to a crawl beside her, Y/n was confused why her compass stopped suddenly and heard a loud rev, causing her to jump. looked at the car then her compass then at the car again. “Ummm, H-hello?” she cringed at how nervous she sounded as she stared at her reflection in the car’s the dark tinted windshield.

The passenger side silently opened causing Y/n to fidget, they wanted her to get in the car? Well Tough luck! soulmate or not she wasn’t getting into some stranger’s car!  

“Look, pal I have wanted to meet you for while now, but I’m not getting in until  show me your face!”

“I..afraid I can’t do that,”

“…Why?”

“It’s complicated, just trust me.”

Y/n contemplated this and swallowed before going over to the passenger side and got before looking over at the driver side and gasped, No driver! “W-what going?! where are you?!” She said panicking as the car drove towards a brick wall causing Y/n scream and close her eyes expecting pain but…. Nothing happened? the terrified woman opened her eyes to see they were in a desert? How did they get here? Why did this thing bring her here? 

The passenger door opened the y/nay woman wasted no time scrambling out of the car she was about to demand whoever was behind this to return her home, thinking this was all some sick prank… She’ll have to figure out how they made her compass move? It was still pointing at that damn demon car!

Then Y/n heard this noise metal shifting on metal… she turned and saw the car was gone and in it’s place was this giant robot that looked at her sheepishly, her y/ec eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, as it crouched down and held out causing Y/n to back way, at seeing this the robot almost looked sad? 

“Don’t be afraid of me, please I wanted to meet you too.”

He said Y/n reluctantly stepped forward and if her eyes weren’t wide then they sure were now, she saw a compass on the robot’s wrist pointing directly at her! She cautiously brought her hand to touch it and sudden the was a short flash cause Y/n and the robot to cover the eyes when the flash gone, the y/ht woman was shocked to see a tattoo in her compass’s place it was sword with a f/c rose growing around it, Robot’s tattoo matched hers.

“Well, this it certainly not how I though it go, what about you?…”

“My name Drift, and I suspected my soulmate was somewhere just not on my planet.”

“I’m Y/n …Hold Up, you’re an alien, they exist?”

“That’s first thing you want to talk about? Not what took me so long?”

Truth be told yes, Y/n would like to know why her giant sword wielding soulmate too so long to find her, but dude aliens! He later introduced her to Rodimus and Ratchet, the young Prime was happy for his friend and excited to meet her, while Ratchet though happy was annoyed Drift used the ground/space bridge for something so minor, Y/n had the pleasure of introducing Drift to her parents. Her father said nothing and fainted, while her mother declared how happy she was to finally have a son-law ,what he does for a living? Does being an intergalactic mercenary count as a job? Because that what Drift does and Y/n loves it!

————————–

Hello! there I’ve returned! sorry for the long ass hiatus, I just…real life is b*tch okay? But I’m back! in the Transformers game, so I’m going to try and put a dent in my inbox before I open it again!

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 50

[Date: 25/02, 6.59 PM - 25/02, 07.51 PM GMT]

[‘Puppet’ from the Ib OST is playing in the VC.]

fetch: “:)”

Prince: “Oh! Crown said this was a good song! He says it reminds him of being a kid again! Don't you guys think so?

:)”

fetch: “YOU RE R I GHT PR INCE ! TH IS JS A VE R Y G OOD S ONG .” [You’re right Prince! This is a very good song.]

Prince: “I like it! It makes me feel all happy inside :)”

fetch: “TH OUG H ITS A L ITT LE F AST ER TH AN WH AT I U SUALL Y L IS TE N TO . N IG HT COR E HA AHA AHA .” [Though it’s a little faster than what I usually listen to. Nightcore haahaaha.]

Prince: “It is a little fast, but it's very nice :D”

Prince: “It makes me kinda sleepy :) How about you, fetch? :)”

fetch: “I GU ESS A L I TT LE HA HAA . B UT I GOT PL ENTY OF SL EE P LAS T N IGH T!” [I guess a little hahaa. But I got plenty of sleep last night!]

IM SO ENE ER GIZED AND R E ADY FO R THE D A Y” [I’m so energized and ready for the day]

donti: “Isn’t too much sleep a little bad for someone?”

Prince: “I don't think so :) It's nice to sleep. You don't have to think about all the things that might be stressing you out :)”

fetch: “I AG REE PR INC E . SL EE P IS NNI CE B UT D OGS CA NT S LE EP ALL D A Y ! THAT S A CAT TH ING TO DO L OL” [I agree, Prince. Sleep is nice but dogs can’t sleep all day! That’s a cat thing to do lol]

[‘No One in Sight’ from the Ib OST starts playing on loop]

fetch: “N OT AS G OOD AS THE LA ST ONE B UT S TILL A BOP” [Not as good as the last one but still a bop]

Prince: “Oh! This one is nice, too! Relaxing, like you’re outside listening to the breeze~”

Prince: “I can put on the other one again! :D”

[fetch: “ HM . TH ANF YOU PR INCE BU T I LIKE VA RIE TY SOM E TIME S :)” [Hm. Thank you, Prince, but I like variety sometimes]]

Prince: “Oh, ok :)”

fetch: “IM H APP Y TO SEE C R OWN ANS W E RIN G T H IN GS! YO U M UST BE H APPY T O O” [I’m happy to see Crown answering things! You must be happy too]

[donti: How had your day been so far Prince, while you’re here? This music really gets me in a convering mood.]

Prince: “It's been great! everything is fine :)“

fetch: “TH AT S GOO D :D” [That’s good :D]

[donti: Thats nice to know! How’s everyone in the court doing?”]

Prince: “Everyone is doing well :D i miss Knight, though... He hasn't been around in a while.”

fetch: “AW SADGE D: I H OPE Y OU F IND Y OUR KN IG HT BUD D Y SOON !” [Aw Sadge D: I hope you find your Knight buddy soon!]

[donti: Oh no! did something happen? Do you know where he is?

Prince: “No... He just... Went away one day... Crown said he'll find him for us and bring him home again, though, so it's ok! :)“

fetch: “AW HA HA HA H OW N ICE OF. H IM :) :) :)” [Aw hahaha how nice of. him]

[‘BGM008′ from the Ib OST starts playing]

[Povas: “Where did you last see knight?”]

Prince: “Um...Here, I think :)”

fetch: “O H G OOD SON G [Oh good song]

TH IS MAK ES THE FUN NY PIA NO T INK Y NOIS E” [This makes the funny piano tinky noise]

Prince: “I like the tinky noise too! :D”

Povas: “Why is it giving me a sense of dread?”

fetch: “I DK WHA T YOU M EAN BY D R EAD :/ ? IT S OUND S F INE TO M E !” [Idk what you mean by dread :/? It sounds fine to me!]

Prince: “Yeah! I think it's lovely! :)”

Povas: “It might just be me”

fetch: “PR OBAB LY Y OU LOL :D” [Probably you lol :D]

[donti: “Hm, change of music aside, whatcha been up to?”]

Prince: “Not much has been happening :) I just like to listen to music here. You can't be sad if there's nothing to make you upset, you know? :)”

[fetch [responding to donti]: “WH O ME ? OR PR INC E ?” [Who, me? Or Prince?]

donti: “Either or! I care about both of you :D”

fetch: “OH IM D OI NG GR E AT :D APP A RE NT LY M I SS E D D INN E R LA S T N IGHT SO M ONA (G OOD GO OD F RIEND MO NA) L EFT OUT A BR EA KF AS T FOR M E TO M UN CH WHI LE SHE WE NT TO W O RK” [Oh I’m doing great :D Apparently missed dinner last night so Mona (good good friend Mona) left out a breakfast for me to munch while she went to work]

[fetch: “HAV E BEEN VE RY TH IRST Y SO D RINK ING W AT ER” [Have been very thirsty so drinking water]]

Prince: “That's good! Drink plenty of water and eat plenty of food and get plenty of sleep! Crown would want you at your best :D”

fetch: “Y E AH :) TO AST WITH RO SE PET AL J AM M M  AND GO OD C E R EAL” [Yeah :) toast with rose petal jammm and good cereal]

[‘The Little Doll's Dream’ from the Ib OST starts playing]

fetch: “OO OO O GUITAR R R [ooooo guitarrr]

I LI KE GU IT AR” [I like guitar]

[donti: Prince, you have a very wide range of music in here! Where did you find so many songs?”]

Prince: “Oh, i just like to listen to a lot of things! These songs are from a game called Ib! You should play it :)“

[fetch: “IT I S A VER Y F UN G AME ! GARRY IS MY F AVOR I TE CH AR ACTER” [It is a very fun game! Garry is my favorite character]]

Prince: “Garry is my favorite, too! he's so nice! :D”

Bea (she/her): “I've heard of that game before. What's it about?”

[fetch: “A G IRL GO ES TO AN A RT ME USE UM AND THE N SHI T GE TS F UCKED LOL PAI NTINS COM E TO L IFE N S H JT” [A girl goes to an art museum and then shit gets fucked lol]]

Prince: “I guess... But i'd describe it a little differently...”

[”Inquiry” from the Ib OST starts playing]

fetch: “I M EAN AIN T THAT WH AT HAP PENS LOL” [I mean ain’t that what happens lol]

Prince: “A girl named Ib goes to an art exhibit and ends up in finding herself inside a painting! She meets a nice man named Garry and they have to make their way out together! There's lots of different endings and lots of puzzles! :)”

fetch: “MY DE S C RI PT ION W AS BE T TER LOL” [My description was better lol]

donti: “Oh! So its not a horror game?”

Prince: “It can be a little scary sometimes, but it's not terrible :)”

fetch: “ANYW AY NIC E B OPS IM GONNA GO EA T THE R ES T OF THE ROSE PETAL JAM :) Y UM BY E G UYS DONT FOR GET TO AS K CR OW N TH IN GS” [Anyway nice bops I’m gonna go eat the rest of the Rose Petal Jam :) Yum bye guys don’t forget to ask Crown things]

[donti: Alright! What other games do you play?]

Prince: “Lots of games! I like Skyrim, Overwatch, Undertale and Minecraft the most, though! :D”

[donti: “thats awesome! I like Minecraft too! I also play Pokemon and some rhythm games :D”]

Prince: “Ooh, what's your favorite Pokemon? i like Mimikyu and Ditto the most! :)”

donti: “Gengar and Joltik! the Mareep line is also pretty cool!”

Prince: “Oh, I have to get going! Crown's asking to see me :)

Bye bye! :D”

[reddeaddamnation]

Masterlist or the new Bible of the Holy trinity Desmond, Clay and Daniel

Because the old one got messed up after I changed my URL

Dirty A-Z headcanons

Alexios

Altair ibn-La’Ahad

Yusuf Tazim

Desmond Miles

Crawford Starrick

Charles Vane

Haytham Kenway

Ezio Auditore da Firenze

Elise de la Serre

Edward Kenway

Arno Dorian

Evie Frye

Connor Kenway

Jacob Frye

Shay Cormac

Shaun Hastings

Henry Green

Daniel Cross

Clay Kaczmarek

Preferences

How they would propose to you

Spending Halloween with them

Them surprising you with dinner

When they find out your daughter has a boyfriend pt.1

When they find out your daughter has a boyfriend pt.2

Them finding your sex toys

How the assassins are when they catch a cold

When your child says they want a sibling

Messing up with them and asking for forgiveness

Training with them

When they make you cry

When they are jealous

When you say you want to go shopping

Being in a relationship with them

How they would react to your teasing [Jacob and Arno]

When you call them daddy for the first time

Playfully stealing something of their’s

Them going to the dentist

Being their ex and meeting them for the first time after your breakup

How the assassins are in bed vs. how they are outside it

Spending new year with them

When they come home drunk

When your child does something they shouldn’t have

When they find out your ex is beating you

Teasing them during a dinner with friends and leaving them hanging:

When you give him a boner while sitting on his lap

Trying on lingerie and them walking in on you

When they tease you so much you lose your mood

What color lingerie he would like you wearing for his birthday

Giving them a massage

What they would do to make things right after messing up with you

Waking up beside them 

How the assassins are when they sleep

The assassins taking you camping

When you interview them for a job

How training with them is like

How they react when you tell them you don’t want children

How they would react to finding out you aren’t the gender they thought you were

Being a rebel and the assassins falling in love with you

How they celebrate your birthday

Being in a relationship with the assassins

Being Romani and meeting them 

Being Slavic and meeting them

Being Finnish and dating them

Imagine being an Egyptian and dating the assassins

Having a pet cat that doesn’t like your assassin boyfriend/girlfriend

Having a big guard dog that doesn’t like your assassin boyfriend

How they would react to you being arachnophobic

How they would react to you getting a kiss from someone else

How they would treat you if you were anorexic

How the assassins are during an argument

When they ask you about your scars:

Giving them a handjob at the cinema

Them losing you while you’re giving birth to your child

Them singing you a song

When they’re possessive of you

How the assassins would react to you bringing home a stray animal

How they would react to you stealing a kill from them

How they would deal with you after you drank too much

When you and your ex have to go on a mission without them

How they would react when you tell them you’re pregnant

Playing horror games with them

How the assassins are when they are jealous:

Trying to get your phone back but accidentally grabbing their crotch (HT)

Imagine being gone for a long time and catching them jack off when you return home (HT)

Imagine riding them on the Animus (HT)

Imagine them having the bleeding effect but you staying anyway (HT)

HT imagine: Family dinner

Imagine: Clay, Daniel and Desmond interviewing you for a job

Stories

Being leader of a rivaling organization and trying to bring down both assassins and templars

If “Happy ever after did exist” Chapter 1 - Desmond Miles

Scenarios/Headcanons

How they would react to each other’s music taste

Being their twin sister: Ezio, Arno and Desmond

Imagine going with them to the zoo

Being married to Jacob

Imagine a highschool where:

Imagine the assassins going on a trip together

The assassins living together

The assassins living together pt.2

Assassins as dogs

The assassins as students

A very Creed-y Christmas

Dating Arno Dorian

Imagine the assassins going together on a trip to the mountains

Imagine the assassins together at the beach

The assassins as cats

Living with them

Imagine them having a water balloon fight

“I could get it, just don’t ask how”

Imagine: Clay, Desmond and Daniel as little animals and you adopting them

Playing Seven minutes in Heaven with them

Altair and Malik fighting over you

What nickname would be their favorite to call you

Haytham as a doctor

Imagine sharing a tight space with Haytham

One shots

Imagine an Assassin’s creed game set in Bulgaria

Jacob Frye

Imagine being Starrick’s daughter and dating Jacob

Having an argument with Jacob

Imagine Jacob pulling up a tent in front of your house

Being a gang leader and catching Jacob’s attention

Getting married to Jacob

Imagine being forcefully married to Starrick and having an affair with Jacob

Being forcefully married to Starrick and secretly helping Jacob bring him down

Jacob being under house arrest

Being Jacob’s lover and Jack the ripper abducting you

Being Jacob’s lover and Jack the ripper abducting you part 2

Haytham Kenway

Request

Stealing Haytham’s amulet

Haytham being your sugar daddy pt.1

Haytham being your sugar daddy pt.2

“Perfect” 

Arno Dorian

Arno saving you from the guillotine

Being Bellec’s daughter and meeting Arno

Being a Templar and being in love with Arno

Arno catching your daughter doing his mission instead of being in school

Being engaged to Bellec but having an affair with Arno

Elise dying during childbirth and you helping Arno with parenthood

“Never enough”

Being agoraphobic and Arno comforting you

Arno Dorian having a crush on you

“Turning page”

Being Arno’s lover

Ezio Auditore

Ezio Talking dirty to you in Italian

Ezio getting jealous that you talk to Salai

“The girl from the neighborhood“

Che vuola questa musica? // Who wants this music tonight?

“Perfect”

Being a Borgia and dating Ezio:

Being Leonardo da Vinci’s student and meeting Ezio

“Rebirthing”

Bayek of Siwa

Modern day job AU

Being a Roman aristocrat and Bayek saving you from getting assassinated

Car sex with him

Watching him fight in the arena

Alexios

Request

Being a falconer and meeting him

Falling in love with Deimos Alexios

Deimos Alexios watching you fight

Deimos Alexios being obsessed with you

Missing Alexios and Barnabas telling you stories about him

Being a Persian and Alexios finding you stranded on the beach

Deimos Alexios finding out you work with Kassandra

Joining his crew

Alexios doing silly things to get your attention

Otso Berg

Request

Shay Cormac

Request

Being a Portuguese Templar and Shay falling in love with you

Lydia Frye

Being a Templar and Lydia’s lover

Crawford Starrick

Crawford Starrick being your sugar daddy

Being a rebel and Starrick falling for you

Desmond Miles

Forgetting Desmond’s birthday and making up for it

“Closer”

Being Desmond’s sister

Hope Jensen

Being Shay’s younger sister and Hope being in love with you

Shaun Hastings

Throwing a surprise party for Shaun’s birthday

Being an assassin and Shaun falling for you

Clay Kaczmarek

Getting back at Clay for tricking you with his dirty talking

Clay talking dirty to you in Polish

“Whispers in the dark”

Pierre Bellec

Convincing Pierre to adopt little Arno after his father’s death

Altair ibn-La’Ahad

“I’ll be there”

“Dooset daram” / “I love you”

“Brother”

Edward Kenway

Being born on a ship and afraid of land

“Havana”

Edward Kenway being impressed with your pirating skills

Edward saving you from getting killed (sequel to the above)

Malik al’Sayf

Being there for Malik when he loses his arm

Connor Kenway

Being a Templar and running away with Connor after he saves you from getting killed part 3

Being a Templar and Connor saving you from getting killed part 2

Being a Templar and Connor falling in love with you  part 1

Being a captive of the English and Connor freeing you

Evie Frye

Meeting Evie for the first time and falling in love with her 

[pcwpolwrestling]

10/26-PCW Extreme Political TV

Last Week on PCW Extreme Political TV: -Johnny Suave opens the show and runs down tonight’s show. -‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins tells interviewer Mindy Taylor she feels insulted that she has to earn her title shot at Extreme Election Night 2024 against PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline. -PCW owner Dawn McGill announces they will be taping a house show at Madison Square Garden on October 27th.  This brings out James Carville who compares PCW running a show at MSG to Hitler’s Nazi Rally at MSG in 1939. ‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down and chokeslams Carville. -‘Colorado Gunslinger’ Laura Brobert cuts a promo before the three-way match tonight against KRC and Sarah Mae Smith for a shot at the Women’s Title.  Brobert says she’s going to show everyone why she’s called the ‘gunslinger’ and the ‘coastal elites’ and ‘small-town sweetheart’ don’t have a chance. -Candidate for PCW CEO Kamala Harris holds a town hall with Main Street USA that doesn’t go very well. -Sarah Mae Smith tells interviewer Woodward Bernstein that Main Street USA is made of grit, determination, and good old-fashioned American values. -Democrats pitch their brand to a voter. -Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) defeated Sarah Mae Smith (American Heartland Coalition) and Laura Brobert (American Patriots) in a Women’s division #1 contender’s match. KRC will now face PCW Women’s champion Catherine Cline for the title at Extreme Election Night 2024. -Dave Ramsey interviews Kamala Harris… it doesn’t go well. He’s supporting Donald Trump. -Republicans pitch their brand to a voter. -‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) defeated Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) in a #1 contender’s match. Daniels will challenge PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell for the title at Extreme Election Night 2024. -Backstage, Kamala Harris watches Donald Trump’s appearance at the Al Smith Dinner.  Jim Gaffigan gets a couple of sharp lines off on Harris. Harris gets on the phone with her aide and reams her out.

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Taped at Twining Hall Feasterville-Trevose, Pennsylvania Saturday October 26th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA)

PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024 Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW World Television Champion: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (American Patriots) Since 3/3/2024 Contenders: The Deplorables: Ray McAvay/’Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition) The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid (SEC) Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer

Opening The arena explodes and the camera zeros in on ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave as the show begins.

PCW! PCW! PCW!…

Johnny Suave: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to PCW’s Extreme Political TV! Joining me tonight is the ever-delightful Colleen Crowder- a low-level New York Times reporter trying desperately to make a name for herself.

Colleen rolls her eyes, her lips pursed in a tight frown, her hands adjusting her glasses.

Colleen Crowder: Let’s just get this circus over with.

Johnny Suave: And boy, do we have a show for you tonight! Extreme Election Night is just two weeks away and…

The crowd roars as Dawn McGill struts into the ring, her blonde hair catching the spotlight. The video screen flickers with the more modest selections from her Henhouse Magazine shoot, adding sizzle to her entrance.  She’s dressed in a form-fitting blazer and skirt that accentuate her statuesque figure, commanding attention with every step.

Johnny Suave: …hold on.  PCW Owner Dawn McGill has just come out and she is headed toward the ring.

Colleen rolls her eyes again- not pleased at the sight of the PCW Owner.

Colleen Crowder: Yay.

Dawn takes the microphone, her blue eyes scanning the audience.

Dawn McGill: First and foremost, I want to thank each and every one of you for coming out tonight. I keep saying this, but you have to understand that I truly mean it. PCW isn’t about the big shots. PCW is all about YOU – the people. We do this for you.

The crowd cheers, and Dawn’s lips curl into a satisfied smile.

Back at the announcer’s table, Colleen scoffs, her voice dripping with disdain.

Colleen Crowder: She’s just sucking up to the rabble.

Johnny turns to her, his brow furrowed.

Dawn McGill: I’ve come out here tonight to introduce the matches for PCW Extreme Election Night 2024…

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: Catherine Cline (IND) © vs. ‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE: ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and Starz N. Stripes w/Zachary Levi (American Patriots) © vs. The Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/Peta from PETA) (Progressive Alliance)

PCW TITLE: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) © vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance)

PCW CEO: Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots)

Dawn McGill: Tonight, Catherine Cline is HERE-

The crowd explodes at the mention of Cline.

Dawn McGill: …and she will be in the main event. Stay tuned and have fun!

PCW! PCW! PCW!…

The camera pans across the packed arena, settling on Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder at the announcer’s table.

Johnny Suave: What a way to kick off the night!  Dawn McGill knows how to make an entrance and set the tone for PCW.

Colleen Crowder adjusts her glasses, a frown creasing her brow.

Colleen Crowder: I found it distasteful and pandering. Is this wrestling or a swimsuit competition?

Johnny Suave: Why can’t it be both? But speaking of spectacles, we need to cut to the concourse. You won’t believe what’s happening at the concession stand!

Colleen Crowder: What?

Do You Want Fries with That? The feed switches to the bustling hallway of Twining Hall. A massive crowd has gathered, cheering and waving. At the center of the commotion stands American Patriot candidate for PCW CEO- Donald Trump, wearing a PCW-branded apron and flipping burgers with exaggerated flair.

Donald Trump: Order up!

Trump tosses a wrapped sandwich into the crowd.

Donald Trump: Nobody flips burgers like me, folks. Believe me!

The crowd goes wild, hands outstretched to catch the flying food. Suddenly, a shrill voice cuts through the din.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This is an outrage!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pushes through the throng, her face flushed with anger… her voice high-pitched and shrill.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: You’re mocking hardworking Americans! Food service is not a joke!

Trump grins, unfazed.

Donald Trump: Lighten up, AOC. The people love it. We’re having fun here!  We’re ALL having fun here, right?

The crowd roars in agreement, drowning out AOC’s protests. Back at the announcer’s table, Suave and Crowder exchange glances.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s one way to serve up controversy. Trump’s certainly drawing a crowd.

Crowder shakes her head.

Colleen Crowder: It’s a circus, plain and simple. This isn’t politics or wrestling – it’s a mockery of both.

MATCH #1: The Bi-Partisan Dream Team vs. The Green World Order The arena erupts as Kimber Marshall struts into the ring, her sequined red, white, and blue bodysuit catching the spotlight. She grabs the mic, her infectious energy palpable.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our first match.  Introducing a team that’s trying to bridge the political divide. They’re here to show us that red and blue can make beautiful music together. Give it up for… The Bi-Partisan Dream Team!

The opening riffs of “Let’s Work Together” by Canned Heat blast through the speakers. RINO, the Wonk Machine, emerges first, his massive 275-pound frame barely contained in a fire-engine red singlet. Blue Dog D follows, sporting a royal blue outfit that accentuates his lean 195-pound physique.

Kimber Marshall: From Detroit, Michigan, standing at 6 feet and weighing in at 275 pounds… RINO, the Wonk Machine! And his partner, from Chattanooga, Tennessee, 6 feet tall and 195 pounds… Blue Dog D!

The odd couple climbs into the ring, awkwardly attempting to high-five each other.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

She pauses for dramatic effect.

Kimber Marshall: They’re lean, they’re green, and they’re ready to make the political scene… The Green World Order!

A cacophony of nature sounds mixed with heavy metal guitar riffs fills the arena. GreenPete leads the charge, his 5’11” frame rippling with eco-warrior energy. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee towers behind him at 6’3″, his spiked green hair adding another foot to his height. PeaceNick and Peta from PETA flank them, all wearing matching green ‘GWO’ shirts.

As they enter the ring, Brock Cole Lee snatches the mic from Kimber. His eyes wild with fervor.

Brock Cole Lee: WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

The crowd is split, some cheering for the eco-warriors, others rallying behind the unlikely bipartisan alliance.

The bell rings and the crowd roars as RINO and Blue Dog D circle GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee. Johnny Suave’s voice cuts through the chaos.

Johnny Suave: Here we go.  The Green World Order is challenging ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and Starz N. Stripes for the PCW Tag Team Title at Extreme Election Night.

RINO: Let’s have a clean match, fellas. We’re all Americans here.

GreenPete slaps the hand away.

GreenPete: Clean? Like your fossil fuel lobbyist friends?

The crowd oohs as RINO’s face reddens. Blue Dog D puts a hand on his partner’s shoulder.

Blue Dog D: Easy there, big guy. Remember our message.

RINO nods, taking a deep breath.

RINO: Right. Unity. Compromise. The American way.

Brock Cole Lee scoffs, his green hair quivering with indignation.

Brock Cole Lee: Compromise? On the future of our planet? Not a chance, meat-breath!

The match begins in earnest, with RINO and Blue Dog D attempting coordinated moves that fall just short of clicking. GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee, meanwhile, move like a well-oiled machine – if that machine ran on sustainable energy, of course.

Johnny Suave: The Bi-Partisan Dream Team is preaching unity but their in-ring chemistry is about as cohesive as a congressional budget meeting!

RINO thinks, ‘We’ve got to get it together. Show these green bean extremists what real cooperation looks like.’

But as he reaches for a tag, Blue Dog D hesitates, unsure which hand to extend. GreenPete capitalizes, yanking RINO into a wrenching arm bar.

Brock Cole Lee: Tag me!

GreenPete obliges with a fluid motion. They whip RINO across the ring, and GreenPete delivers a devastating knee…

Johnny Suave: THE CLIMATE KICK!

…which is followed by a picture-perfect Senton from Brock Cole Lee.

RINO struggles to his feet, dazed.

GreenPete sets up for his finisher.

GreenPete: Time to harpoon another capitalist whale!

He drives RINO into the mat with a vicious spear.

Brock Cole Lee: Finish it!

GreenPete rolls up the stunned RINO for the three-count.

The bell rings.

Johnny Suave: The Green World Order wins!

Colleen Crowder: Score one for the good guys!

Johnny Suave: We’ll be back with more after these messages.

Commercial Break As the screen flickers to life, a sea of grey cubicles stretches as far as the eye can see, each one housing a corporate drone more lifeless than the last. The camera pans across rows of identical desks, each occupied by a blank-faced worker staring mindlessly at a computer screen.

A silky voice oozes from the speakers, dripping with false sincerity.

Silky Voice: Here at MegaCorp, we’re not just a company, we’re a family. A family that’s available 24/7 to meet your every need.

The camera zooms in on a disheveled employee, bags under his eyes, as he answers a phone at 3 AM. “Thank you for choosing MegaCorp, how may I optimize your synergy today?”

Silky Voice: At THE Corporation, we work harder, faster, and longer than the competition. Soulless automatons chained to our desks… working for you.

The camera pans across a sea of exhausted faces, fingers flying over keyboards at inhuman speeds. A man suddenly face-plants onto his desk. But incredibly, horrifyingly, the man’s hands keeps on typing.

Silky Droning Voice: Our employees are dedicated to YOUR success.

A woman in a crisp blazer gives birth under her desk, her eyes never leaves her computer screen.

Silky Voice: At MegaCorp, we don’t just think outside the box. We demolish the box, set it on fire, and dance on its ashes while singing our quarterly reports.

The scene cuts to a group of employees forced to participate in a cringe-worthy team-building exercise, fake smiles plastered on their faces as they fall backward into each other’s arms.

A manager appears on screen.

Manager: That’s right.  At THE Corporation, we’ll do ANYTHING for our clients.  We are available twenty-four-seven.

The shot zooms in on a bathroom stall, feet visible beneath the door.

The narrator’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

Silky Whispering Voice: That’s right. At MegaCorp, even if we’re doing our business… we’re still doing yours.

As the commercial reaches its crescendo, the voice becomes almost manic.

Silky Manic Voice: Because at MegaCorp, we’re not just changing the game. We’re rewriting the rules, flipping the board, and declaring ourselves the winners of a game no one else knew we were playing!

The screen fades to black, and a shrill, cringy slogan appears: “MegaCorp: Turning Your Dreams into Our Profits!”

Backstage Progressive Alliance candidate for PCW CEO Kamala Harris is on her phone… again. The phone clutched so tightly her knuckles have again gone white.

Kamala Harris: What the *BLEEP*!

Harris screams into the phone, spittle flying.

Kamala Harris: Donald Trump is serving people at the concession stands. Look at all the *BLEEP*-ing attention he’s getting out of that. What didn’t you think of that?

The phone shakes in her hand as she fights the urge to just hurl it across the room.

Kamala Harris: ARGGHHH!

She jabs the ‘End Call’ button and walks off.

And now, a PSA about gun safety Narrator’s voice: Fall is here and that means hunting season is upon us.  It’s a great time to review gun safety.

The sharp crack of gunfire echoes across the range as Lucas Kunce, candidate for US Senator from Missouri, squares up to another steel target. Beside him, Adam Kinzinger fumbles with his rifle, the eye protection perched uselessly atop his head like a fashionable headband.

Lucas Kunce: This is what freedom feels like, folks!” Kunce bellows, his voice carrying over the gunshots. “Nothing like bonding with our union brothers over some good old-fashioned target practice!

Kunce’s mind races, calculating the political points he’s scoring. These union guys’ll eat this up. Second Amendment rights and worker solidarity – it’s a winning combo!

A metallic ping rings out as another bullet finds its mark. Suddenly, a yelp of pain pierces the air. A reporter, notepad in hand, stumbles backward, clutching their arm.

Lucas Kunce: Oops.

His politician’s smile doesn’t waver.

Lucas Kunce: Always keep that first aid kit handy, folks! Shrapnel’s just part of the game when you’re exercising your freedoms!

As Kunce tends to the reporter with practiced concern, a stern-faced woman in a “Gun Safety Expert” vest storms onto the range.

Gun Safety Expert: What in the name of responsible firearm ownership is going on here?

She points to the steel targets mere yards away.

Gun Safety Expert: You’re shooting rifles at close-range steel? Are you trying to get someone killed?

Kinzinger blinks owlishly through his high-powered scope, still aimed at a target five feet away.

Adam Kinzinger: But… but it makes the targets look bigger!

The expert’s gaze falls on the table downrange, her face paling.

Gun Safety Expert: Is that… Tannerite? Near active shooters? Have you all lost your minds?

Kunce’s smile falters for a moment. This isn’t quite the photo op he’d envisioned. But hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? He plasters on his best “concerned leader” face and addresses the gathered union workers.

Lucas Kunce: See, friends? This is why we need more education on responsible gun ownership. Now, who wants to try their hand at the Tannerite challenge?

The Gun Safety Expert slaps her forehand with her hand as the PSA comes to an end and PCW cuts back to Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder at the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Can you believe the irony, folks? A candidate from the ‘guns are scary’ party, proving they can’t handle firearms safely! It’s like watching a clown juggle chainsaws… blindfolded!

Suddenly, Martha Raddatz from ABC News appears, wagging her finger at Suave.

Martha Raddatz: Now, now, Mr. Suave. Let’s not exaggerate. Only one reporter was hit by shrapnel. The others were not.

Suave’s eyes bulge comically.

Johnny Suave: Only one? Oh, well that makes it all better then! Should we give them a safety award?

From the sidelines, Colleen Crowder nods in agreement with Raddatz.

Colleen Crowder: She’s right, Johnny. We need to report this accurately.

Johnny Suave: It’s not about the number of reporters hit, it’s about the monumental stupidity on display!

How Dare You? The camera pans across the arena, catching the glint of sweat on muscled bodies and the flash of sequined costumes. Suddenly, Hillary Clinton storms onto the stage, her face a mask of righteous indignation.

Johnny Suave: And speaking of divisive…

Colleen Crowder: Johnny!  How dare you say that towards a great American… a trail blazer… a woman who should have been the first PCW CEO!

Hillary Clinton: Dawn McGill.  I demand you come out right now.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.

Colleen Crowder: It’s about time.

Dawn McGill steps out from the back.

Hillary Clinton: How dare you! You’re holding a political freak show at Madison Square Garden this Sunday, and I won’t stand for it!

Dawn scrunches her face and wonders what the hell.

Hillary Clinton: PCW is nothing more than a Nazi-style propaganda machine!

Johnny Suave: Oh, not this again.  Didn’t James Carville do this last week and get choke-slammed by the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Colleen Crowder: And that was totally uncalled for.

Johnny Suave: Let’s go back to last week.

(REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Extreme Political TV) …James Carville: You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Holding your little wrestling show at MSG? We all know what this really is – a recreation of the infamous 1939 Nazi rally at MSG!-

The opening riffs of a heavy metal song blasted through the speakers. The fans went wild as the ‘Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, all 6’11” and 350 pounds of him, stormed down the ramp.

Carville’s eyes widened in terror as he tried to scurry away, but his aging legs betrayed him. WTF effortlessly hoisted the political pundit into the air and delivered a thunderous chokeslam, silencing his offensive comments with one powerful move.

Colleen Crowder: There was no reason to show that again.

Dawn raises the microphone to respond.  But before she can speak, a small figure darts past her.

Johnny Suave: What the-

Colleen Crowder: Oh, not her again.

It’s nine-year-old Gracie McAvay’s young voice that cuts through the tension.

Gracie McAvay: How dare YOU!

Hillary stumbles back, clearly taken aback. Gracie’s eyes narrow. Suddenly, game show music blares through the speakers.

Announcer Guy (voiceover): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to… Who’s the Fascist?! With your host, Gracie McAvay!

Colleen Crowder: What the hell is this?

Gracie grins, relishing the moment.

Gracie McAvay: Question one, which party used the judicial system to remove candidates from state ballots… just because they could ‘steal’ votes from their candidate?

Hillary’s mouth opens and closes, but no words come out. She looks like a fish out of water, Gracie thinks gleefully.

Gracie McAvay: Time’s up! The answer is… The Democrats!

Hillary’s face reddens. She clenches her fists, barely containing her rage.

Gracie McAvay: Question two, which party also abused and corrupted the judicial system in an attempt to use lawfare to prevent Donald Trump from running for PCW CEO?

Hillary fumes, her nostrils flaring. She looks like she’s about to explode, Gracie notes with satisfaction.

Gracie McAvay: The Democrats!

Hillary’s face is now a deep shade of crimson. Gracie can almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

Gracie McAvay: Final question, which party actively put pressure on Facebook and social media to censor political views and comments, shut down the free exchange of ideas and opinions and shut down the First Amendment?

Hillary’s entire body trembles with barely contained fury. She looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm, Gracie thinks.

Gracie McAvay: The Democrats!

Gracie throws her arms up in victory. Hillary turns on her heel and stalks off, her rigid posture betraying her anger.

Gracie, caught up in the moment, then does an exaggerated ‘up-yours’ gesture with her arms.

Dawn McGill: GRACIE!

Gracie freezes, suddenly remembering where she is. She turns to face her mother, shoulders slumping, looking genuinely contrite.

Gracie McAvay: Sorry.

In the announcer’s booth, Colleen Crowder sputters incoherently, her professional facade crumbling.

Johnny Suave: Well, well, well.

There’s a smirk evident in Johnny Suave’s voice.

Johnny Suave: Looks like our esteemed colleague is at a loss for words.

Colleen Crowder: This… this is unconscionable! She can’t do that to Hillary Clinton!

Johnny Suave: Oh, lighten up, Colleen. The people want entertainment, and we’re giving it to them. Speaking of which, Catherine Cline is in the house tonight!

Colleen’s groan of frustration is audible even over the crowd’s renewed cheers.

Catherine Clark Arrives The crowd erupts as Catherine Cline bursts through the doors of Twining Hall, her championship belt gleaming under the fluorescent lights. Fans surge forward, hands outstretched, desperate for a high-five or autograph. Catherine’s heart races with adrenaline as she navigates the sea of admirers.

Cline! Cline! Cline!

From the corner of her eye, Catherine spots Kathryn Randall Collins watching with a predatory gaze. The Ultimate Political Operative stalks forward, her presence parting the crowd like Moses and the Red Sea.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Well, well, if it isn’t our illustrious champion.

Catherine squares her shoulders, ready for the verbal sparring match.

Catherine Cline: Kathryn. Come to get a preview of what you’ll be facing at Extreme Election Night?

Kathryn’s lips curl into a smirk.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Oh, sweetie. You think being champion is about physical prowess? About determination? About never giving up?

She circles Catherine like a shark.

Kathryn Randall Collins: How quaint.

The crowd’s murmurs grow restless. Catherine feels her pulse quicken but keeps her face impassive.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Let me educate you, they call me the Ultimate Political Operative for a reason. At Extreme Election Night, you’ll learn what really determines a champion.

With a dramatic flourish, Kathryn spins on her heel and struts away. The crowd rallies behind Catherine, their cheers a comforting blanket of support. She allows herself a small smile.

Johnny Suave: Well now. The tension between the Progressive Alliance’s KRC and the Iowa wonderkid who’s taken PCW by storm Catherine Cline continues to build.

Colleen Crowder: This all could have been avoided had Catherine done the right thing. Give KRC the respect she deserves and wait her turn.  Instead, she embarrassed KRC and she’s going to learn a harsh lesson at Extreme Election Night 2024.

Johnny Suave: All right.  We will be back right after this.

PSA-Leave People’s Political Signs Alone As the screen fades from the first match of the show, a pristine suburban landscape materializes. The camera pans across manicured lawns and cookie-cutter houses, each adorned with limp American flags that seem to sag under the weight of suburban conformity.

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for an important public service announcement. Do you know the importance of exercising your right to vote, but did you know that defacing or stealing campaign signs is a crime?

The camera zooms in on a shadowy figure creeping across a perfectly trimmed lawn. Dressed in all black, complete with a ski mask and gloves, the vandal approaches a yard sporting a “Trump 2020” sign.

As the masked figure reaches for the Trump sign, a series of hidden trapdoor springs activate, launching the would-be vandal into the air.

The perpetrator flails wildly, arms and legs akimbo, as they soar through the air. As the vandal crashes back to earth, the camera pans out to reveal the pristine lawn now marred by a human-shaped indentation.

Masked Figure: Ow.

The sign, however, stands tall and unscathed.

The deep-voiced narrator cuts through the laughter, his tone serious yet tinged with amusement.

Narrator: That’s right, these signs don’t just support a candidate, they’re also the property of private citizens.

The PSA continues, showcasing a montage of increasingly outlandish deterrents. A would-be Harris/Walz sign thief triggers a motion-activated water cannon, sending them sprawling backwards in a comical arc.

Next, the camera zooms in on a spring-loaded mousetrap. As a gloved hand reaches for a Trump/Vance sign, it snaps shut, unleashing a glitter bomb that explodes in a dazzling cloud of sparkles.

Finally, a masked woman tries to spray over a Harris/Walz sign, the lights come on… the fence containing several dogs open up and charge forward.

It’s not a pretty sight.

The crowd in Twining Hall roars with laughter, their reaction a mix of shock and delight at each inventive setup.

Narrator: So, the moral of this story is… if you see a political sign you don’t like… just leave it alone and walk on by.

The last shot is of the masked woman running for her life with five dogs chasing after her.

Johnny Suave: That’s a very good message for what’s been a very divisive campaign.

Colleen Crowder: We are the media are providing the truth. It’s the Trump folks who are being divisive.

Johnny Suave: Speaking of being divisive, how about the Washington Post and the LA Times deciding NOT to endorse Kamala Harris?

This catches Colleen off guard.

Colleen Crowder: What?

Johnny Suave: Yep.  The Washington Post is trying to stake an ‘independent’ stance going forward and foregoing endorsing a PCW CEO candidate.

Colleen Crowder: That… that’s… unacceptable.  We set the tone.  We decide the narrative.  We tell people what to think.

Johnny Suave: It’s time for our main event.  Let’s go back to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

MAIN EVENT-NON-TITLE: PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline vs. Soccer Mom The ring spotlights flare to life, illuminating Kimber Marshall in all her glory. She’s a vision in a sparkling silver blazer and matching pencil skirt, her brunette waves cascading over her shoulders. The mic gleams in her hand as she lifts it to her red-painted lips, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our main event of the evening!

She takes a dramatic pause, savoring the moment.

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first, standing at 5’6″ and weighing in at 120 pounds, she’s here to fight for your minivans and PTA meetings… Soccer Mom!

On cue, a woman emerges from behind the curtain, clad in mom jeans, a polo shirt, and pristine white sneakers. Her hair is pulled back in a practical ponytail, and she’s clutching a travel mug of coffee like it’s her lifeline.

Soccer Mom: IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!

Soccer Mom’s voice cracks with fervor as she power-walks down the ramp, occasionally pausing to chastise an imaginary child.

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent, hailing from Iowa City, Iowa, standing at 5’9″ and weighing 125 pounds of pure Midwest muscle, she is your reigning, defending PCW Women’s Champion… Catherine Cline!

The arena erupts as Catherine bursts onto the scene, her long athletic frame coiled with energy. Kimber watches in admiration as the young champion bounds down the ramp, her confidence palpable.

The crowd’s roar swells as Catherine Cline raises her championship belt high, a broad smile lighting up her face. She’s soaking in the adoration, her eyes sparkling with the thrill of competition.

Colleen Crowder: Would you look at that shameless pandering?

Crowder’s acerbic voice cuts through the commentary booth.

Colleen Crowder: I bet she kisses babies and poses for selfies too.

Johnny Suave ignores his co-commentator’s snark, focusing on the action.

Johnny Suave: Cline’s connecting with her base, Colleen. That’s Politics 101.

Catherine lowers her belt and begins slapping hands with fans at ringside, her energy infectious. She’s in her element, a natural face of the company.

Colleen can’t resist another dig.

Colleen Crowder: Oh please, she’s one step away from tossing out campaign buttons. When’s the last time she actually wrestled?

In the ring, Soccer Mom is pacing, muttering about PTA meetings and bake sales. The bell rings, and Catherine squares up, ready for action.

Johnny Suave: This is Cline’s tune-up match before Extreme Election Night 2024.

The match begins with a collar and elbow tie-up. Soccer Mom surprisingly overpowers Catherine, whipping her towards the corner. “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!” she shrieks, charging forward.

Catherine nimbly sidesteps her at the last second. WHAM! Soccer Mom slams into the turnbuckle face-first, stumbling backward in a daze.

Johnny Suave: Cline gets out of the way and Soccer Mom hits the turnbuckle hard.

Catherine seizes the moment, rolling Soccer Mom up for a quick pin. The referee’s hand slaps the mat. One! Two! Three!

Johnny Suave: And that’s it!

The arena erupts as Catherine springs to her feet, arms raised in victory. Suave is on his feet.

Johnny Suave: What a statement by our champion! Cline proves once again why she’s the future of this company!

Colleen rolls her eyes.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah, yeah, she beat a suburban mom with a travel mug. Call me when she faces a real challenger… like Kathryn Randall Collins at Extreme Election Night 2024.

Suave, still riding the high of the match, wraps up the show. “That’s all for tonight, folks! Next week, we will be in Madison Square Garden for our final show before Extreme Election Night 2024, see you then!”

[blbylink]

One week after He Tian bought his guitar, he decided to bring it to school and fulfill his bargain with Jian Yi. The moment he stepped out of the car with the guitar case hanging off his shoulder, all the girl’s shrieked. He was immediately overloaded with questions and demands to hear him play. He knew it was coming, but brushed them off saying he was too new. It was about that time he started scanning the crowd for a familiar face. He would settle for Jian Yi and Zhang Zheng Xi for now.

“Wah you brought it to school! Maybe I should do that and impress Xixi,” Jian Yi formulated. He was smacked on the head of course.

“Idiot, you don’t even know how to hold the guitar yet.”

“Speaking of, He Tian you said you would learn in a week. I’m waiting to hear you live up to your words,” Jian Yi said.

“Well I guess now is as good of a time as any,” He Tian said spotting the red fluffy hair in the crowd. “Jian Yi, go grab Little Mo while I setup.

“Redhead!!” Jian Yi yelled running through the crowd. HT pulled out the shiny new guitar and a portable speaker. He tuned each string before plugging it in. He watch Jian Yi drag the redhead back through the crowd, though it was getting more difficult as people started to gather around. HT strummed a few chords before MGS arrived, scowling deeply as always.

“I’m a beginner so go easy on me,” HT said with an untrustworthy undertone. Then his face went serious. He started to play the riff that was the beginning of a popular song. And all the girls screamed again but quieted each other quickly so they could hear. Each note was clear and precise. The quick performance ended in three semi-difficult chords. When HT looked up, he searched for that fuzzy splash of red in the crowd but he couldn’t find it. He plastered his smile back on and shrugged off the all the compliments he was getting and rushed to put his equipment away. It was too late. HT wouldn’t be able to find MGS until lunch.

Little Mo almost escaped, shuffling quickly along the outside of the school, but not quick enough.

“Well? How did I do?” HT popped out around a corner.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” MGS tried to turn around and leave but was caught.

“The song I played for you,” HT gave him his classic thin eyed smile.

“I dunno I wasn’t listening.”

“I made sure you were.”

“Who the hell wants to watch you show off,” he tried again to get away and HT let him, but continued to walk with him.

“Someone who wants to learn.”

“I cant afford to get into all that.”

“Use my guitar. I’ll teach you and in return you can make me dinner.”

“I need to eat. Leave me alone.” HT stopped in his tracks. That wasn’t the reaction he wanted but he still hadn’t lost hope. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to the redhead.

HT: I want beef stew tonight~

MGS: 凸(-_-)凸

HT smiles and headed back his regular routine...at least for now. HT spent the rest of the school day being bombarded by curious girls about his new talent. He answered casually but there was always someone else in the back of his mind.

As if he he had a tracker on the redhead, HT found him immediately after school.

“You want a ride or do you need to go home first?” He asked.

“You are too arrogant,” Little Mo gave him a death stare and left for the train. HT squinted his eyes considering what his angry classmate would choose to do tonight.

HT started his night alone with a shower, some guitar, and a constant checking of his phone. After an hour of waiting he laid down on his floor and stared at the ceiling. He had almost given up when he heard a pounding on the door. His eyes widened and he ran to the door. He knew he had planned for this whole arrangement to happen, but he still couldn’t believe it. MGS stood outside with two grocery bags with a quiet anger.

“You better know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

[shijiujun]

[History3: MODC] Ep 1-2 Summary - SOMEONE PROTECC XI GU PLS

Alright guys! I managed to make it home in time, and watched both episodes, but I guess I’m able to do a mini summary of sorts - But my verdict on the show is while the first two episodes seem a tad bit slow in terms of plot but there ARE NO GLARING PLOTHOLES THANK GOD and i gotta say I LOVE XI GU AND HAO TING AND BO XIANG AND ZHI GANG AND THE TWINS LMAO THEY ALL SO CUTE and surprisingly I like the main girl as well Si Yu although okay it kinda sucks that she’s going after Xi Gu while still attached to Hao Ting unless she was aiming for threesome but then no communication there and FRANKLY it might even be a love rectangle between Xi Gu - Hao Ting - Nintendo Switch - Si Yu lmao 

We start off with Hao Ting and gang (the fiercer twin, Gao Qun, Bo Xiang and the other guy whose name I still don’t know but he’s a Singaporean actor) in class and the Chinese teacher reading off abysmally low scores ranging like in the 30s and below out of a 100, and guess what our lovely main lead Hao Ting scores THIRTEEN OUT OF A HUNDRED

And okay you gotta give it to Hao Ting - He’s a little shit but he’s a CHARISMATIC little shit with a glib tongue, anyway the teacher yells at him for being not serious about graduating and his friends cheer him on and are just generally obnoxious, and then Hao Ting quips that this is about freedom yeah, and of course the teacher is like fuck you dumbass & threatens Hao Ting that if he dares to leave this class he doesn’t have to come back

Don’t ever dare and threaten your dumbass jocks in class cuz they hear a dare they gonna CARRY OUT THE DARE TEACHERS HAVE YOU NOT LEARNT ANYTHING - so Hao Ting leaps over a desk and runs out much to the cheers of his friends and everyone in class who get up and run to the windows and doors to watch him go - And then one of his friends yell at him to ask him to buy fried chicken early from the canteen I think

And then cut to the next scene - The gang at the courtyard/stage thingy and Gao Qun filmed the whole thing earlier and is showing to everyone while they eat fried chicken, and then Hao Ting demands for 300 NTD each from his friends, who refuse to pay lmao although Hao Ting digs into Bo Xiang’s pocket and digs out some coins and keeps them 

Then Hao Ting’s girlfriend pings him and he runs off

Cut to the infirmary, and HT’s shirt is half off as his girlfriend Si Yu is helping him to ice his shoulder and spray muscle relaxant on his back - She’s chiding him for being so reckless earlier and asking him not to do that again because she’ll be worried, and HT obviously soaks in the attention and TLC from her, and then they proceed to MAKE OUT

Pretty good makeout scene really, although idg why the camera angle had to show like her cleavage specifically like LMAO ARE U ALLOWED TO SHOW THE CLEAVAGE OF A TECHNICALLY UNDER-18 GIRL?!!! No idea, anyway, things get really heated up, but they’re interrupted

And XI GU makes his first appearance here!!! He’s taking a nap in the infirmary and is totally disturbed by these two horny teenagers, in any case SY and HT go out, although SY’s eyes are totally on XG as they leave - She’s curious about him

Then the infirmary doctor comes in, and obviously XG is like the apple of everyone’s eyes and I GET IT BECAUSE WHEN HE SMILES IT’S DEVASTATING - So the doctor is chiding him for not eating lunch (and if you read the character intro translation I did you’ll know it’s because XG is poor and he wants to save money, like that’s driving force behind all his actions for now at least) and because of that XG is obviously thin as fuck and pale like Edward Cullen - So doc tells him to take more care of himself and rest etc. etc.

And then side character 1 and side character 2 - SY’s friends, the girl (SC1) calls herself a fujoshi and is obviously a fan of XG and you’re a bit creepy but I get you girl, and then anw SY is asking SC1 about XG after she sees that XG is first in exams again, and SY gurl don’t two-time please

HT is DYING to buy a Switch, and after dinner with his fam, he tries to secretly ask him mom for money but the mom and sis totally gives him away and the dad threatens to hit him to see if ‘he’ll be more normal’ after that LMAO - and anw dad chases HT to the room but HT wins by shutting the room door and son and dad yell at one another through the door - But despite this u can see that they’re really close

Mom and sis settled on the couch eating fruits in the chaos - a MOOD

Then next day SY catches up to XG as he’s walking to (class? to lunch? idk?) and asks him to tutor her, and XG rejects her of course cuz he likes to study alone and he hates everyone else kinda but she insists and he refuses and then because they’re doing this on the stairs she slips and OF COURSE SMOL XG catches her and upstairs, the fiercer Xia twin videos it and them in that position

Fiercer Xia twin meets the rest of the gang on the rooftop but no one has much of a reaction to his news until he pulls out the video - HAO TING EATING REGARDLESS OF THE NEWS IS LIKE A BIG MOOD REALLY - the nicer Xia twin tries to speak up for XG because they’re like classmates, and then WHOA there’s a strange like almost-kiss moment as Xia En and Xia De like confront each other over that

HT finishes eating and goes confidently, “She won’t like him”

And then he goes to the infirmary wanting to take a nap right, and when he pulls open the curtain THERE XI GU IS ASLEEP AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET THE HAO TING FALLING ON XI GU ON THE BED SCENE FROM THE TRAILERS - And HT groans, “First he ruins my plans and then now he’s taken my bed”

HT reaches for a red pen from the table on the other side of Xi Gu’s bed and of course he falls and lands on the bed, and then XI GU WAKES UP AND HORRORRRRR

Doc comes in and reprimands HT for bullying/disturbing XG basically

And then I can’t remember where the scene is exactly but XG at some point goes to work at Zhi Gang’s soy milk store?!!! I think or cafe that sells soy milk lmao, and Zhi Gang asks if he’s eaten dinner, and XI GU SO CUTELY SMILES OMGGG and lies that he has, but obviously ZG already knows that XG is lying and already bought dinner for him, and also lets XG go home early out of consideration for XG’s studying schedule since he’s also studying to graduate this sem I think?!

Oh okay then before this scene, we have THIRSTY BO XIANG AT HIS COUSIN’S GYM WIPING THE EQUIPMENT AND ALSO TAKING SECRET PHOTOS OF ZHI GANG - His cousin catches him, makes a scene and he’s ZG’s personal trainer I think and when he lifts up ZG’s shirt to ‘check’ on his progress, wow, BX DROOLS OKAY

And then at some point, Si Yu ambushes XG in class and gets him to tutor her after school because he stays behind for two out of five days, and then the twins find out, so when the time comes, the fiercer twin bullies XG out of class, and SY is left disappointed 

HT basically begins to skip school and part time, and helps his mom to give out flyers in his neighbourhood to earn some extra money, and he also somehow cheats his mom by deliberately over-counting his daily part-time rate LMAO, but the sis does the math and outs him, and dad chases after him to try to hit him again but HT ain’t scared at all and they just play cat and mouse

And then the gang corners XG during lunch, bully him and basically makes him late HALF AN HOUR for class which has NEVER HAPPENED TO PERFECT ATTENDANCE AND ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE XI GU - He’s distressed because he needs a perfect attendance record and grades to get scholarship for university - So he’s fucking distressed, and the nicer twin at the back obviously sees it and he FEELS BAD and XG didn’t eat lunch again so he’s having gastric probably

End of the class XG begs the teacher not to record his tardiness because he really needs the scholarship, but the teacher is like everyone saw you come in so damn late, how can he like not put it on record? But when XG insists - white-lipped and shaking and all - teacher asks him to tell him why - and so XG tells him (which also doesn’t help him in terms of being bullied more by the gang when they find out)

So the gang ends up sweeping the corridor lmao

XG once again goes to work and kind-hearted LOVELY OPPA ZHI GANG gives him a bread again and asks him to go home early to study CRIES WHERE IS MY DADDY LONG LEGS

and BX probably because of his punishment, is unable to go to the gym for a while, but ZG asks the cousin where BX is

End of episode 2 shows BX on his bicycle cursing his cousin out for making him go all the way out to like... find a soy milk store, and GUESS WHAT SOY MILK STORE BELONGS TO HANDSOME ZHI GANG OKAY

Oh yeah and then he sees his lovely oppa in store helping XG to straighten out his collar and then he gets jelly

and the next day he confronts XG and pushes him against the wall and THE EPISODE ENDS HERE LIKE STOP DIS BULLYING

THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW:

This is pretty damn cute so far i have to admit, and I PROMISE YOU ONE OF THESE EPISODES, XI GU IS GONNA FAINT FROM HUNGER OR ILLNESS AND THEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT HOW POOR HE IS AND HAO TING CARRIES HIM TO THE INFIRMARY AND THEN BULLY GANG REGRETS BEING SO MEAN TO HIM

And for now, it seems like Si Yu may actually be supportive when she finds out that HT has taken an interest in XG - More on that in the next trailer I think, because somehow HT will mess up and XG ends up losing his first place on the exams and walks away dejectedly as HT regrets being a fucking idiot

And also at some point Zhi Gang will see Bo Xiang having fun with another girl on the streets and be all pissed and jelly and withdraw, and then HT tells BX to please go apologise and get him back, which BX attempts to do - CRIES HANDSOME OPPA IS DEFINITELY ZHI GANG OKAY

***

For @decadentdeerpolice <3

[cnrmrphy-blog]

life as we know it 5

title: baby steps  warnings: weed mention, implied depression summary: a tiny bit of effort can go a long way, right?  author’s note: i had this done for a hot second, but things have been busy and school’s starting soon so we’ll see if i can keep some semblance of consistency lol part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

--

Connor Murphy had a complicated relationship with his little sister.  

He told you one day when they were both little, they would play in their backyard.  Zoe was obsessed with the Backyardigans (the best kids television show in her own personal opinion, but you learned Connor was more of a Pokémon kind of guy) and she would make him go on various adventures with her, sometimes even throughout their neighborhood if their mother was feeling particularly generous.  

They actually had fun.  Connor would come up with these crazy quests, and they would have to complete them before dinner or else the world would be destroyed.  He seemed like such an incredible storyteller, even if he was only seven years old.  Zoe idolized him. 

But then one day he just… stopped talking to her.  He stopped talking to everybody.  He never smiled, never laughed anymore.  At first, it was just loud, angry music that he would blare to drown out any noise (whether it was his father’s shouts or his own thoughts, it was impossible to tell.  Everything was too muddled together for him to make sense of it all)—but when he turned thirteen he became eerily silent.  Connor retreated into his room, sometimes with the smell of weed wafting from underneath the door, sometimes without.  

He stopped eating dinner with his family (he seemed to have stopped eating in general).  He stopped joining his family to watch television at night.  He refused to leave his room whenever Zoe and their parents went out on the weekends.  By the time he turned fifteen, he almost effectively cut off any sort of relationship he had with his family (his mother was stubborn as shit and wouldn’t give up on him.  It pissed him off).  

You actually have never met Zoe.  It wasn’t like it was a big deal to you or anything—she didn’t run in your admittedly small social circle and Connor definitely wasn’t close with her anymore.  It wasn’t as if he wanted it to be this way—he’s just been on a whole other planet for so long he didn’t know how to connect with his family anymore. 

But at least one thing was going to change today.  

You’re not quite sure how this even happened in the first place.  One moment your English teacher was assigning partner projects (she let you pick your partner?  Oh hell yes.) and the next you were making plans with Connor to meet up somewhere after school. 

Originally, you were just going to carpool to the Panera near by and to work, but then he cursed, saying that he was grounded and wasn’t allowed to stay out after school (which you were surprised he’d even care from what you learned about him, but you were not about to question it).  So then you suggested doing it at his house without thinking. 

He wasn’t… thrilled.  He almost convinced you to just put it off and work on it later, maybe during lunch tomorrow or some other day.  But you gave him your puppy dog eyes and he begrudgingly caved. 

So now you were waiting for Zoe, keeper of the car keys because apparently Connor lost driving privileges too. You two leaned against the wall in silence and you had yet to determine if it was uncomfortable or not.  You were leaning towards uncomfortable. 

You bit your lip as you gave Connor a sideways glance.  He was more broody than usual ever since you made your questionable suggestion.  He did agree, but it was clear his relationship with his sister was rocky at best.  You prayed you weren’t a catalyst for some sort of blow out because you definitely couldn’t handle that right now.  

You trained your focus on the ground.  “I don’t have to come over if you really don’t want me to.”

“It’s not—you’re not the problem.” Connor bit the inside of his cheek, “You already know everybody in my family fucking hates me.  They’ll have a field day when they find out someone’s willing to work on a project with me, let alone actually be my friend.” 

You snapped your gaze at Connor.  “Bullshit.  That’s not true.” 

“Yeah well,” Connor smiled mirthlessly, “I’m not exactly an angel.  Zoe has every right to hate me.” 

And what was that supposed to mean? 

“...It’s never too late to make amends.” You bumped his shoulder with your own, “Maybe nothing will be fixed right away, but at least you tried.  Baby steps.” 

Connor grunted, acknowledging you but said nothing more.  You sighed, “You are not a bad person Connor.  Whatever happened before doesn’t dictate your future.” 

It was subtle and quick, but Connor’s face fell and his eyes grew a little more dull, and it broke your heart.  The bags under his eyes were more prominent than usual—he was so incredibly tired.  

But then he sucked in a breath and straightened his back, and any evidence of emotion was wiped from his face.  He glanced at you and quirked a smile—one you couldn’t really tell what was behind it. 

“Quit worrying about me, nerd.” 

You scoffed, kicking his foot, “Says the guy that reads Catch 22 for fun, you nerd.” 

“Because it’s funny!” 

Voices interrupted you, and you looked over to see two girls walking towards you—one with a guitar slung over her shoulder and the other one wearing glasses with a handful of textbooks in her arms.  

The one with the guitar looked your way and stopped mid sentence.  Her eyes flicked towards Connor, but snapped back to you.  She smiled, albeit empty.  

“Uh, hi!  You’re Y/N?  I’m Zoe.” 

“And I’m Alana—I don’t recognize you, are you from around here?” Alana cut in, and you weren’t quite sure if you even caught all of it. 

“Um yeah, that’s me!  Just moved here a few months ago.  Nice to meet you.” 

Your discomfort grew tenfold.  You didn’t loved people pointing out the fact that you’re not from the area.  It made you feel like an outsider, and Connor knew that.  He opened his mouth, but then closed it.  He crossed his arms tight around his chest, trying to restrain whatever it was he wanted to say.  

At least he’s trying to be civil, right? 

“Sorry, the car’s kinda far back.  We got a late start this morning.” Zoe wouldn’t look at Connor, but the scowl on his face told you that was very much a passive aggressive dig. 

You shrugged, “It happens.” 

You began your trek to the back of the student lot, Connor trailing behind.  Alana bit her lip and looked between Connor and Zoe, and locked eyes with you. 

Okay okay okay, maybe she’s chill.  She understands how awkward this is. 

“So Y/N, you said you just moved here?  Where from?” 

The redirection of conversation was a godsend, even if it was at your expense.  “I moved from Y/HT.  My dad got a new job so here I am.” 

“I personally never moved, but I can totally imagine how hard it is.” 

That’s a stretch, but I appreciate the sentiment, I guess. 

“It’s was rough. sure.  But I’ve met some cool people that made it easier.” 

“I’m glad!  You’re a senior right?  Because you’re in AP with Connor?”

“How do you know that?” Zoe and Connor said in unison, and it was uncanny how they had equal levels of incredulousness in their voices.  Zoe was more so surprised while Connor grew defensive.  Oh no. 

Alana was less confident than she was before.  “...Um.  I’m an office aid… I helped organize the schedules and I saw Connor’s, and Zoe said Y/N is his partner for class earlier so I just figured...” 

You reached the Murphy’s car (a black SUV with a giant dent in the back bumper, and you really wanted to know the story behind that), and Zoe fumbled with the keys.  “No it’s okay Alana!  I just… didn't know Connor was in that class.” 

The car beeped, and you climbed into the back seat with Connor sitting on the other side.  The silence was deafening while Zoe threw her guitar in the trunk.  She climbed into the driver’s seat, the tension in Zoe’s body was tangible (even if you could only see the back of her head).  

Connor’s jaw was clenched and he refused to look anywhere except the back of the headrest in front of him.  Alana surprisingly chose this moment to stay quiet (as she should, she was at least that much aware of the situation).  You kind of wanted the world to swallow you right then and there. 

There was another beat of silence before she turned around to face Connor. 

“Sorry.  It’s cool that you’re in that class.  I didn’t know.” 

Connor blinked and looked down.  His the tension in his shoulders dissipated, if only slightly.  

“S’okay.” He paused, then spoke again.  “You wouldn’t have known, I didn’t show anyone my schedule.” 

Zoe released the breath she was holding and turned back around.  She backed out of the spot, and hesitated before speaking again.  “...Do you guys want some food?  Mom doesn’t keep anything good in the house.” 

“Sure.  I’ll buy.” Connor cut in before you were even able to think.  

“Wait no, it’s fine—!” 

Again, Connor interrupted Zoe, “You’re really questioning my generosity right now?” 

His tone was clipped, but there was no malice in his voice.  Zoe laughed, a mix between disbelief and slight relief.  “Right, I’ll shut up now.” 

“Oh if Connor’s buying, then I’m getting the most expensive thing on the menu.” You turned your head towards Connor with a wide, playful grin.  

“I will literally shove you out of the car.” 

Your smile grew wider, “Do it bitch, you won’t.” 

“Try me.” Connor lunged at you, causing you to shriek.  Zoe and Alana giggled at your expense, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t thrilled that this wasn’t a complete disaster. 

Baby steps right?  Maybe everything will be okay.