#hoyden

[zizbombs]

to that one person who was talking about hoyden i'd like to formally apologize I didn't know she was like that.

[cherry-extraordinary]

My Book Club gals and I decided to make book club sonas, mine is a personification of that obsessive creature energy that overtakes me whenever I get into a new book, game, movie whatever.

So here's Hag Hoyden of Hokum Hill, haematic from her habit of cringe homicide

[melisssg99]

shoutout to all

Tomboy's turned Tradwives

Hoydens turned Homemakers

[shepherds-of-haven]

I'm seconding Croelle and Blade because I'd like to romance them both, and the tension would be too fine and horrifying a thing 🥂

If you wanted to be really insane about it, you could just flirt with one and then the other over the course of the 20 hours and see what happened 😅😅😅

[eyedoeluhn]

Houston is such a funny cape scene.

[yellowmanula]

[museinspo]

[diioonysus]

“There is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere of a ball room. The light, music, company, and even dancing itself, are all conducive to high spirits; be careful that this flow of spirits does not lead you into hoydenism and rudeness. Guard your actions and your tongue, that you may leave the room as quietly and gracefully as you enter it.” (x)

[hayden-christensen-verse-2-0]

⋆｡˚୨Insacurities୧˚｡⋆

synopsis: Hayden wakes up and see himself in the mirror and feels insecure, you happen to walk in and see. You decided to prove him and the insecurities wrong

warnings: soft sex, body worship, oral (m receiving), tit sucking (m receiving), fluff, overall, just sweet stuff, hoydens gained some weight (noting much he just a tad thicker but still pretty thin, just some slight pudge), my shit writing

moodboard made by me so it sucks lol

The sunlight from the rising sun peaks though the window and its thin curtains. I bury my head into my pillow to try and get away from the sun before giving up and turning and facing where Hayden lays beside me, my eyes widen slightly at the view. The sunlight casts a halo around him, making him look ethereal, his slips slightly parted as he breathes lightly, laying on his belly, both arms under his pillow, the blanket bunched at his waist and leaving his top half exposed to my loving eyes. I bite my lip softly as i bring out my hand out from the blanket and trace the wrinkles and creases of his face lightly before trailing down his neck and to his somewhat toned arms then back up and down his back before i rest my hand on his waist and lightly gripping the slight chub on his hips. My belly rumbles a bit, rolling out of bed. I walk to our bathroom and brush my hair and teeth. I put my hair up and walk down stairs to the kitchen in Hayden's shirt and a pair of shorts. I move around the kitchen and get to making food, as I cook I hear creaks from the floor above and know haydens awake and should be down soon.

Minutes pass and Hayden does not appear, so I make my way upstairs and open our bedroom door and see Hayden standing in front of our mirror looking at himself with a deep frown on his face and eyebrows furrowed. I move up and behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and rub circles on his belly.

“What's wrong, sunshine?” I say softly rusting my chin on his shoulder as I make eye contact through the mirror.

“I hate the way I look now, all this extra pudge” he mumbles out, not liking how he has slight love handles, his pecs now soft and squeezable along with his belly. I trace his happy trail with my fingers before gripping his love handles and squeezing them lightly

“Mm well i quite like how you look, sunshine. All soft and squishy, but I can't have you thinking of yourself like this. So let me show you how much i love you and your pretty body” i mumble as i kiss his neck and suck a light hickey before kissing along his shoulders as i reach up to grope his soft squishy pecs and pinching and pulling at his nips causing him to gasp and softly moan. I walk around to come face to face with him and lily back him up so he falls onto the bed with a light thump before climbing onto him and lean down to kiss his chest and take one of his nipples into my mouth as i suck and bite at the sensitive bud, my hands trailing and squeezing his pudgy belly and love handles, i then bite his pec and leave a bite mark and do the same to the other one causing hayden to let out a yelp that fades to a moan. Trailing my lips down his chest to his belly where I leave hickeys and light bites before stopping at his waistbands and pulling them down and his leaking cock hits his lower abdomen slightly. I grasp his cock and stroke him softly as I like from base to tip and give the tip a little such before taking him into my mouth and suck him softly, he lets out soft breathy moans as he clenches the sheets as he approaches his climax. He moans loudly as he cums in my mouth, after he finishes I pull back and swallow his fluids and climb up and straddle his hips after I slip off my shorts and undies.

“Mm look at you sunshine, so pretty, so squishy, so so perfect” i say softly, capturing his lips with mine as i slowly take his cock into my moist pussy and he moans into my mouth. Once our hips meet, I lift my hips before I softly start bouncing on him. I pull back from the kiss and starten my back out as I rest my hands on his pudgy belly and fondle it lightly as I pick up speed. His face begins to flush from my words as he moans and soon the pit in our bellies builds up before it snaps and we both moan, i collapsed on his chest, both of us breathing heavily.

Catching our breath, I snuggle into his neck and place a kiss there and softly mumbling out soft praise and complements in his ear, breakfast long been forgotten 

Commet and likes are always welcome and apricated

[dw-flagler]

BLONDE WILDBOW CHARACTERS

Every wildbow character with hair color described as blonde or similar to blonde. Characters are listed in alphabetical order.

A character's category is determined by their debut appearance. Though Lisa Wilbourn appears in both Worm and Ward, she will be listed as a Worm character, and not as a Ward character.

WORM:

Ashley Stillons I (Damsel of Distress)

Ava ? (Cuff)¹

Brad Meadows (Hookwolf)

Carol Dallon (Brandish)

Crystal Pelham (Laserdream)

Dean Stansfield (Gallant)

Elijah Mathers (Valefor) (Later dyes white)

Elle ? (Labyrinth)

Emily Piggot

Eric Pelham (Shielder)

Gabriel Maxberry (King)

Glastig Uaine/Valkyrie

Greg Veder (The Worst)

Hero

Hoyden

Jaager Charles (Gasconade) (Appears ONLY in PRT Quest)

Jeanne Wynn/Brown (Citrine)

Jessica Biermann (Fenja)

Katherine Oldershaw (Grace)

Kurt Wynn (Harbinger/Number Man)

Leonid(?)

Lisa Wilbourn (Tattletale)

Marissa Newland (Sundancer)

Melody Jurist (Cricket)

Mike ? (Lightstar)

Missy Biron (Vista)

Mrs. Knott

Neil Pelham (Manpower)

Nessa Bierman (Menja)

Oliver ? (Oliver)

Principal Blackwell

Riley Grace Davis (Bonesaw)

Sam ? (Prism)

Sarah Pelham (Lady Photon)

Tammi Herren (Rune/Scribe) (last name presumed)

"Tom Moss" (Acidbath)

Victoria Dallon (Glory Girl/Antares)

"White Fairy"²

Blonde Adjacent:

Alabaster (white hair)

Kamil Armstrong (white hair)

Madeline ? (Winter) (white hair)

Paige Mcabee (Canary) (yellow feathers, hair unknown)

Polka (white hair)

Scion (gold hair)

Scrub (white hair)

The Simurgh (silver hair)

Worm has: 38 blonde characters, and 8 blonde-adjacent characters, for a total of 46.

WARD

Ashley Stillons II (Swansong)

Ashley Stillons III (Damsel of Distress)

Axehead? (Presumed)³

Bianca ? (Goddess)

Harbinger V (Limerick)

Hunter ? (Mincemaid)

Jay ?

Kathlee Rosenthal (Monokeros)¹

Lachlan ?

Lionwing

Moose

Mr. Drowsing

Nate ? (Reconciliation)

Paris

Rain O'Fire Fraizer (Precipice)

Ryan ? (Cradle)

Samuel Vasil

William Giles (Scapegoat)

Blonde Adjacent:

Anita Vera (white hair)

Christine Mathers (Mama Mathers) (silver hair)

Coiffure (silver hair)

Colt (Colt) (bleached hair)

Dino (silver hair)

Egg (yellow hair)

Engel ("glowing" hair)

Enyo (silver hair)

Foggy Idea (gray dyed hair)

Nailbiter (bleached hair)

Presley ? (gray-white dyed hair)

Vince Crowley (poorly-bleached hair)

Voltrage ("pale" hair)

Ward has: 18 blonde characters, and 13 blonde-adjacent characters, for a total of 31.

PACT:

Blake Thorburn

Chloe Duchamp

Diana Thompson

James Thorburn

Joanna Duchamp

Lea Duchamp

Lola Duchamp

Paul Thorburn

Penelope Duchamp

Peter Thorburn

Rose Thorburn Jr.

Rose Thorburn Sr.

Roxanne Thorburn

Sandra Duchamp

The Briar Girl

Blonde Adjacent

Malcolm "Fell" Atwell ("light" hair)

Pact has: 15 blonde characters, and 1 blonde-adjacent character, for a total of 16.

TWIG:

The Baron Richmond

The Duke of Francis

Duncan Lambsbridge

Emily Gage

Gordon Lambsbridge(?)

Helen Ibott

Jamie Lambsbridge

Jessie Ewesmont

Lord Carling

Lord King

Lord Leeds

Marcella

The Duke of Francis

The Twins (counts as 2)

BLONDE ADJACENT

Lady Glora ("pale of hair")

Lara (white hair)

Nora (white hair)

Twig has: 15 blonde characters, and 3 blonde-adjacent characters, for a total of 18.

PALE:

America Tedd

Anthem Tedd

Avery Kelly

Edith James

Eloise Miraz

Freak (of Freak & Squeak)

Gillian Ross

Liberty Tedd

Reggie the Composite Kid

Snowdrop

The Family Man

Ulysses Miraz

Wallace Davis

BLONDE ADJACENT

Mrs. Schaff (white hair)

Crooked Rook (white hair)

Gemma Duchamp (Grey hair)

Luna Hare (white hair)

Pale has: 13 blonde characters, and 4 blonde-adjacent characters, for a total of 17.

CLAW:

"Valentina's Mom & Sister"

Claw has: 2 blonde characters, and 0 blonde-adjacent characters, for a total of 2.⁴

Notes

¹ Both cuff and monokeros are noted to have dark hair in Ward while having blonde hair in their original appearances (Worm and WD Helena respectively).

² White Fairy is Mr. Gladly's girlfriend and a prolific redditor who is seen during the leviathan battle and the PHO greg interlude. deep cut. As a mortal enemy of greg veder, please treat her with appropriate respect.

³ Axehead is never seen in ward. However, Titan Skadi (who forms from Axehead) is described as having golden hair. I am presuming that this is from axehead the human having blonde hair.

⁴ Literally 1 person told me any characters from claw. i haven't read it. there's more than 2, but i haven't seen anything.

[hayden-christensen-verse]

⋆｡˚୨Insacurities୧˚｡⋆

synopsis: Hayden wakes up and see himself in the mirror and feels insecure, you happen to walk in and see. You decided to prove him and the insecurities wrong

warnings: soft sex, body worship, oral (m receiving), tit sucking (m receiving), fluff, overall, just sweet stuff, hoydens gained some weight (noting much he just a tad thicker but still pretty thin, just some slight pudge), my shit writing

moodboard made by me so it sucks lol

The sunlight from the rising sun peaks though the window and its thin curtains. I bury my head into my pillow to try and get away from the sun before giving up and turning and facing where Hayden lays beside me, my eyes widen slightly at the view. The sunlight casts a halo around him, making him look ethereal, his slips slightly parted as he breathes lightly, laying on his belly, both arms under his pillow, the blanket bunched at his waist and leaving his top half exposed to my loving eyes. I bite my lip softly as i bring out my hand out from the blanket and trace the wrinkles and creases of his face lightly before trailing down his neck and to his somewhat toned arms then back up and down his back before i rest my hand on his waist and lightly gripping the slight chub on his hips. My belly rumbles a bit, rolling out of bed. I walk to our bathroom and brush my hair and teeth. I put my hair up and walk down stairs to the kitchen in Hayden's shirt and a pair of shorts. I move around the kitchen and get to making food, as I cook I hear creaks from the floor above and know haydens awake and should be down soon.

Minutes pass and Hayden does not appear, so I make my way upstairs and open our bedroom door and see Hayden standing in front of our mirror looking at himself with a deep frown on his face and eyebrows furrowed. I move up and behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and rub circles on his belly.

“What's wrong, sunshine?” I say softly rusting my chin on his shoulder as I make eye contact through the mirror.

“I hate the way I look now, all this extra pudge” he mumbles out, not liking how he has slight love handles, his pecs now soft and squeezable along with his belly. I trace his happy trail with my fingers before gripping his love handles and squeezing them lightly

“Mm well i quite like how you look, sunshine. All soft and squishy, but I can't have you thinking of yourself like this. So let me show you how much i love you and your pretty body” i mumble as i kiss his neck and suck a light hickey before kissing along his shoulders as i reach up to grope his soft squishy pecs and pinching and pulling at his nips causing him to gasp and softly moan. I walk around to come face to face with him and lily back him up so he falls onto the bed with a light thump before climbing onto him and lean down to kiss his chest and take one of his nipples into my mouth as i suck and bite at the sensitive bud, my hands trailing and squeezing his pudgy belly and love handles, i then bite his pec and leave a bite mark and do the same to the other one causing hayden to let out a yelp that fades to a moan. Trailing my lips down his chest to his belly where I leave hickeys and light bites before stopping at his waistbands and pulling them down and his leaking cock hits his lower abdomen slightly. I grasp his cock and stroke him softly as I like from base to tip and give the tip a little such before taking him into my mouth and suck him softly, he lets out soft breathy moans as he clenches the sheets as he approaches his climax. He moans loudly as he cums in my mouth, after he finishes I pull back and swallow his fluids and climb up and straddle his hips after I slip off my shorts and undies.

“Mm look at you sunshine, so pretty, so squishy, so so perfect” i say softly, capturing his lips with mine as i slowly take his cock into my moist pussy and he moans into my mouth. Once our hips meet, I lift my hips before I softly start bouncing on him. I pull back from the kiss and starten my back out as I rest my hands on his pudgy belly and fondle it lightly as I pick up speed. His face begins to flush from my words as he moans and soon the pit in our bellies builds up before it snaps and we both moan, i collapsed on his chest, both of us breathing heavily.

Catching our breath, I snuggle into his neck and place a kiss there and softly mumbling out soft praise and complements in his ear, breakfast long been forgotten 

Commet and likes are always welcome and apricated

[ankle-beez]

You, sir, are a rumbumptious hoyden!

creative, but points off because i'm not a girl lol. points for effort!

[boysinperil]

@niniblack you asked, I answer. Here are some of my favorite stories in GO fandom.

You, Soft and Only by Hoyden, with three different podfic options. Ineffable spouses throughout history. https://archiveofourown.org/works/19874908

Greatest Hits by attheborder, with one podfic (by me). Crowley wrote an album full of love songs in the 70s. https://archiveofourown.org/works/19449250

Ask, and ye shall receive by Ariaste, with the cutest read by FayJay. Adorable tiny fluff. https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964368

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by nnm, with one podfic. Crowley gets some much-needed therapy*. https://archiveofourown.org/works/20177950

*Note on this one, Aziraphale is FINALLY also getting some therapy in his own story.

Bless Your Wings and Live Life Eternal by Tenoko1, with two podfics. Crowley steals Aziraphale back from Heaven. https://archiveofourown.org/works/19779154

Slow Show by Mia_Ugly, with two podfics (one is me). The tv show AU that spawned a fandom of it's own without ever actually existing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/20395261

I also love, obviously, everything I read podfic for, and if you go through my bookmarks, everything I hope to one day read podfic for.

Also, you should watch (or listen to) It's a New Craze by attheborder, done in multivoice; Crowley and Aziraphale start a podcast. https://youtu.be/LMJ2vzEc2Oc?si=44D_CsQRcSpELZm0

Okay I'll stop for now.

[loevan]

Arthur/Eames (Inception) fics rec

Hi!

I am probably 14 years late but I have always wanted to create a rec for fanfictions about Arthur & Eames, which is one of my favorite pairing tbh. I have read the fics over 10 years ago so apologies if some of the sum ups are a bit blurry. I did not put all the fandom classics but the ones that I absolutely adore and which stuck with me all those years.

Buckle up, here is my top ten:

Ex-aequo In our line of work by enjambement (16k), incredible storyline, made me ache all over

Ex-aequo These frameworks labelled home (9k) by mruk - the most underrated ever. Won't tell you what this one is about just go read it

2. We Can Do This Until We Pass Out (29k) by desires - GO READ IT NOW. Chav!Eames, which pays hommage to young Tom Hardy, such a penting, innit

3. Skin Deep (17k) by Starlingthefool - a tattoo shop AU to end ALL tattoo shop AU. Absolutely amazing. Loved the portrayal of both, loved the twist, loved the tattoos ideas. Made me wish at 15 I could have some. Spoiler alert: years later, I DO.

4. I've got nothing to do today but smile (the only living boy in New York) (20k) by gyzym - loved the pacing and Arthur’s passion for baking when stressed out, but could not really relate with his burn out. 10 years later tho??? can totally relate and this fic is one of my inspiration to open a coffeeshop

5. My Lungs Are Fresh and Yours To Keep (18k) by black Betty 26 - Did I almost tattoo the title of this fic on my body? Yes. Yes I almost did. Band!AU, super sexy Arthur, great tension between Arthur and Eames, LOVED IT.

6. Rough Trade (23k) by whiskyrunner - warning some strong internalized homophobia but damn the sex is hot and the alchemy between Arthur and Eames is incredible

7. Late night phone call (15k) by sparkledark - this one holds a special place for me because when I was REALLY feeling down, I thought about it and was okay in this one fanfic when Eames was feeling v low he called a suic*de hotline and everything went better and that's why I called one and yup it probably saved my life. so kudos to this pic and the characterization of Eames is to die for.

8. Towards Zero (20k) by Mirabella - great plot, with a twist at the end, I read it like 10 times

9. In Our Kingdom by the Shore (10k) by Alezane - if you love Gothic retelling, the little mermaid and great writing? This fic is for you. One of my absolute favs.

10. Incipit (9k) by the hoyden - cute, made me want to be a writer

Short ones I love dearly but could not be part of my top 10:

Laying Claim (13k) by laceymcbain - sorry but protective Eames??? yes please feed it to me (all the other fics of this author are great!)

I can't extinguish the fire though I've tried (7k) by aprettyaway - if you have firefighters fantasy (don't lie, we all do), read this one. Cute and funny and HOT (pun intended)

Two Steps Towards Make Believe (4k) by ifeelbetter - short and cute, if you have insomnia rub your feet with magnesium oil it truly helps

nothing we could judge (12k) by green_postit - a fic about Eames and Sherlock in college. Their banter is everything and they are super smart in the fic, taught me new psy concepts and got a brain boner

Trivium (5k) by thefourofswords - academia and philosophy??? that's my love language baby

Enjoy and do not hesitate to reach out if you want more recs!

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

 I’m assuming I can use the scarier bugs if the public isn’t about to see?” “That goes against the spirit of what I was talking about,” Glenn told me. “Yeah,” Hoyden said, from just behind me, “You should want to use butterflies and butterflies only.”

Come on, Glenn!

[jomiddlemarch]

The Duchess and the Diamond

The ballroom was grand, lit with a vast quantity of candles so that it shone bright as a summer’s noon, but the two women spoke as if they were concealed by a moonless midnight’s shadows.

“Has Lady Maria lost all sense of decorum?” Lady Fletcher positively hissed behind her gently fluttering ivory fan.

“I don’t know what you mean, Agnes,” Lady Shepherd replied. She had an inkling, of course, but it was always better to draw Agnes out as she made the most diverting remarks when she was either indignant or patronizing, and by her tone and the incline of her head, her en tremblant hair combs trembling quite noticeably, the current situation was a perfect confluence. “Lady Maria might be said to be somewhat eccentric, everyone would agree—there is not one lobster patty in sight and she hasn’t served ratafia for the past year and her taste in lace, well—”

“You know very well what I mean, Lydia. I mean that, that man—”

Here Lady Fletcher gestured almost boldly in the direction of the man in question, the object of much attention, curiosity and no little degree of scorn from the high sticklers. 

“You mean Lord Miller?” 

“Even his name speaks to his common origins,” Lady Fletcher said, sniffing in rapturous condescension. “Miller? How might anyone purport to be a member of the Ton with such a surname? What’s next, Lord Cook? Viscount Clerk?”

“Prinny is likely to say his royal favor is enough,” Lady Shepherd replied. “And then, the man is prodigiously wealthy, captured a half-dozen ships and has three battlefield promotions. Though I grant you, he does not quite look the part—”

They both glanced at where Lord Miller stood, a solemn and solitary figure flanked only by a potted palm. While there could be no complaint made as to the cut of his coat and pristine knot of his cravat, there was no denying a certain raw power, a rough-hewn quality to his features, his complexion bronzed, his stance one of a ship’s captain, his gaze accustomed to searching for the North Star and any enemy on the horizon. He was the furthest thing from a dandy one could imagine, whether he wore a properly powdered wig or not.

“No, he does not,” Lady Fletcher said. “To think someone of his stature was granted the wardship of Lady Elinor Ramsay—a Duke’s granddaughter!”

“Impoverished, though,” Lady Shepherd pointed out. “Lord Miller’s evidently declared he’ll dower her well from his own coffers, there’s not the least hint of any impropriety, save what she causes herself. She’s quite a hoyden, she’s been through three governesses in the past six weeks according to my lady’s maid. Miss Mischief, she’s called among his staff, though I cannot say they fully disapprove of her.”

“She hasn’t a chance of making a good marriage with only Lord Miller to sponsor her, no matter how well he dowers her and how many teas and balls he can convince Lady Maria to organize on her behalf,” Lady Fletcher said. 

“You cannot have heard then?” Lady Shepherd said, leaning in slightly. Lady Fletcher would not care for being the one who must admit ignorance, but the prospect of gossip about Lord Miller was too tempting to refuse. 

“Do go on, Lydia, it’s quite rude of you to tease.”

“Lord Miller is determined to marry this Season and marry well enough that his new bride might provide entrée for Lady Elinor. He had hopes of Lady Carmichael, as he served with her brother, but then she was compromised by that horrid viscount, Cord or Gordon or somesuch, the one who looks most terrifyingly like a mushroom, and Lord Miller had to step aside, as he could not rescue Lady Carmichael and ensure his ward’s acceptance in good society,” Lady Shepherd explained.

“Poor Tess,” Lady Fletcher remarked with what sounded like genuine sympathy. “The viscount is known to have a rather weak constitution—she may retreat to her Scottish holdings and hope a harsh winter carries off the scoundrel or whatever is passing for cuisine among the Highlanders. She would have been wasted on Lord Miller though—”

“They had some affinity, but it’s irrelevant, as she’s due to marry in a fortnight,” Lady Shepherd said.

“I suppose Lady Maria and the Duke of Wesley are determined to help Lord Miller secure a wife,” Lady Fletcher said. “The Duke considers him a brother, after all.”

“As much as they may, I’ve heard. Lord Miller is very proud and brusque. But the Duke’s valet found a man for Lord Miller, so that he might appear well-turned out in company. My maid says when he’s at home, he goes about in his shirtsleeves and a scuffed pair of Hessians,” Lady Shepherd said. 

“He hasn’t the hands for a quizzing-glass, that’s most evident,” Lady Fletcher tittered. 

“He holds the ribbons of his curricle light enough,” Lady Shepherd replied.

“Shall that attract him a charming and wellborn bride? I shouldn’t think so,” Lady Fletcher said. 

“It may attract her brother or father. He’s a fine stable of horses,” Lady Shepherd said.

“It almost sounds as if you’d entertain a suit for your Flora,” Lady Fletcher said, an eyebrow raised in skeptical inquiry.

“Her father might. I shouldn’t risk it. Flora’s a dear but she’s rather timid and it would be like pairing a canary with a falcon,” Lady Fletcher said. “Besides, if we did, think of the disappointment of the Ton—everyone is so looking forward to seeing Lord Miller run amok on the marriage mart. We may even learn if he’s capable of waltzing—”

“I assure you he’s entirely, eminently capable,” Lady Maria said, having approached the party from the rear, a military maneuver she’d learned from her great-aunt, a woman renowned for her stratagems, her cutting tongue, and her collection of bejeweled turbans which she’d taken to at age thirty and had worn despite any variance in fashion for the remainder of her life. To be so confronted by their hostess was an indication that they’d grown too engrossed with their conversation or too comfortable with their positions, forgetting that even the hint of a scandal could topple the most sterling reputation unless one was an original or a Duchess. As neither lady fulfilled either category, they both pursed their lips in the apologetic simper that was required to show their pretense at remorse.

“One might expect it of a sea-captain,” Lady Shepherd hazarded. “I believe they must be quite nimble on board. There is an excessive quantity of rope and one hardly ever sees a senior Naval man missing a lower limb. They do speak of sailors dancing jigs and whatever a hornpipe is, surely a commander must master the steps as well.”

“Lord Miller would be glad of your confidence,” Lady Maria replied in such a tone and with such a glance as to ensure both of her listeners understood she meant the opposite. “He is indeed everything accomplished, however stern he may appear, and any wise young lady would be fortunate to receive his offer.”

“But that assumes the young ladies this Season are wise, when I do believe I have never seen a sillier, giddier collection of misses presented to the Queen,” Lady Fletcher said, meaning to pounce upon Lady Maria’s remark and regain some superiority. Lady Maria was unperturbed, her gloves unwrinkled, her hem kissing the polished floor with the greatest elegance possible.

“If Lord Miller intended to consider only those young ladies making their debut, that might perhaps be a dilemma. As it stands, he has imposed no such restriction, only seeking a wife worthy of his hand and well-suited to the guidance of his ward,” Lady Maria said. “He is quite devoted to Lady Elinor, for all that she taxes his patience; one cannot resist her liveliness and she shows every sign of being deemed her year’s diamond.”

“Lady Elinor? A diamond of the first water?” Lady Fletcher exclaimed. “You would make such a prediction?”

“I would make such a wager,” Lady Maria said. It was widely known Lady Fletcher regularly overspent her pin money and would likely have gambled away her family estate; she would not be able to decline Lady Maria’s proposition and Lady Shepherd would not keep the exchange to herself. It would be the choicest gossip of the night’s ball, unless there was an impromptu betrothal between crusty, long-time bachelor Earl Nicholas and the sprightly Honorable Frances Bartlett, an event so unlikely they would not even record it in the betting book at White’s.

“What stakes?” Lady Fletcher asked.

“I know they say ladies must never offer anything of great value, confining ourselves to flower cuttings or ices at Gunter’s, but when I gamble, I prefer for it to be worth my while. As I far outrank you, I shall stake a favor, to be called in at the time of your choosing. On your part, I think it is only fitting you stake your diamond parure—”

“The Fletcher diamonds?” Lady Shepherd exclaimed. Lady Fletcher had turned a peculiar color that resembled old whey and emphasized the somewhat heavy hand that had rouged her cheeks.

“Diamonds for a diamond, what could be more poetic? More apt?” Lady Maria said.

“I don’t think—” Lady Fletcher began.

“Naturally, if you are not sanguine about the wager, you needn’t make it, though I’d expect you to offer your vocal support to Lady Elinor and Lord Miller,” Lady Maria said.

“I’m confident the chit won’t be anything like the Season’s diamond. Nor even an original,” Lady Fletcher said. “I’d go a step further and say I wager Lord Miller cannot become engaged to a member of the Ton before Lady Elinor’s presentation to the Queen.”

“What an intriguing elaboration,” Lady Maria said. Lady Shepherd thought that Lady Fletcher ought to blanch at their hostess’s tone, but arrogance had restored her complexion. The diamonds at her throat and earrings sparkled and Lady Shepherd wondered how they might look on Lord Miller’s ward.

“I take it you accept?” Lady Fletcher said.

“Gladly,” Lady Maria said. “What a very delightful Season this promises to be!”

This fic is for @tessa-quayle who deserves to be having a better day!