#however it was pretty hilarious to look through the posts and see them getting ignored on every single one LMFAO

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!

The crack post saga continues... =D

Warning: long, long post 😊😅

To be very honest though, for today's ep I will be getting serious more than usual, because it was quite significant in the flow of the plot, and also had moments of communication (this emotional constipation is what makes me yearn for Cherry Magic ah) that need to be studied a little closely.

HOWEVER, there will most definitely be crack because this group of friends is (unapologetically) batshit crazy and my brain refuses to not make comments at the most inappropriate times.

Peem: NO ONE SAW ME CUDDLING MY CRUSH TO SLEEP RIGHT?!

The sheer panic in his movements, oh my gods. It should not be as hilarious as it is 😭😂

To be very honest though, I would've panicked a bit in his place too, with friends like those, they'd never let him live it down

Peem is so cute 😭

Nothing to see here, just a guy getting shy over how his prince charming hom-ed him, and they kissed through his hand and cuddled all night hehe

Phum: here he comes again :) *eye twitch*

Peem's expression, how he's still holding his hands as if he has the cup, Kluen's disbelief, and Phum's smug af face-

I'm wheezing 😭🤣

Kluen, I'm kinda starting to like you, but no.

You don't stand half a chance against them and their situationship.

Hope you find another boyfriend to fall in love at first sight with (and leave my boys alone please, they don't need any more complications) <3

Oh, Fang knows too. Of course he does, that's his little brother right there

We all know how protective of his brother he is, there's no way he'd let anybody else take care of him... unless, he knew Phum liked that person

les voila

Poor Tan, his theerak just ignoring him T-T

*looks between them* yeah, pretty much the same pic 👀

And here it is. The root of all his fears.

See, in this camp, almost all of them are paired up in the sense that they usually stick to that person. Even Beer has MIck. But then comes wild card Kluen, who's hogging all of Peem's attention as much as he can and that leaves Phum. Alone.

I will be getting back to this running motif of Phum being alone and how it changes through the ep in later scenes as well

Also, after they went back, both Mick and Beer asked if he really was okay, which made me smile, because maybe, Phum isn't as alone as he thinks himself to be. There are people who care for him, who are concerned, who'll support him, and of course, he always has Fang, his beloved phi

My poor babie Tan 🥺🥺

Also, notice how the shot is taken in such a way that they're the only ones in the frame, and are also standing within one specific part of the wall? (Ignore Kluen's head and hands please). It reflects how they're in their own world with each other, especially Tan

The nosy peeps gang strikes again!

Jokes aside, the synchronised strides, the background music together set the perfect levels of suspense and comedy

Peem, smug: yes! that emotionally constipated dumbass is finally getting out of De Nile

Pun: wait... is my plan actually working? Ah, of course it is

Toey: head empty, no thoughts, but... DOES P'Q ACTUALLY LIKE ME OMG I'LL DIE

Oh gods, FINALLY. I wish them a happily ever after. Sadhu 😌🙏🏼

Pun forgetting all about being quiet when Toey finally confesses is so on character 😭👍🏼

Also... what's even the point of being quiet? Q and Chain have been friends with these idiots since high school, of course they know they're peeking

Toey: *shooketh*

Gays in thai bl and staring off into the distance 😭

This scene was so, so beautiful and also quite important for both Q and Toey

Q knew what was up, more or less, but his confusion stemmed from his knowledge of Toey

Would Toey really go to these lengths? For him?

"Why? Are you the only one who can tease me?" <- Q says this to tell Toey that he might have been angry, but now he understands that Toey didn't really have any bad intentions

Hugs always get bonus points from me, and this was pretty up there

Pun hiding behind Chain is so on point

His friends: you're an idiot so we had no choice but to intervene 😭😭

Matt's (JJ) comedic timing is >>>>>>

Toey and Matt's friendship is also given weight in the series, and I'm happier for it.

Also revenge is sweet ehehe *coughs*

Moving on.

If there's no live singing dedicated to your One True Love, is it even Thai BL??

We Are making generous use of MSP songs 😭👍🏼

This scene.

The apology. It is at this point that they're leaving all the past pain, grief and anger in the past

Q makes sure to tell Toey that yes, he may have loved Milk Frappe Boy, but now, in the present, all his love was for Toey, his lovable annoying mentee

This apology is not only to Toey, or Milk Frappe Boy, but to himself as well, because by causing pain to a person he loves twice, he'd caused himself pain too

The perfect sweet and romantic moment, but also with a teeny bit of teasing, because that's who they are

No joke, I gasped and nearly stopped breathing when he said this

Peem's reply, his soft but kind of hurt voice were just so painful to hear

But it's also this moment that Peem gives Phum a reality check – if he really didn't want to, he wouldn't be doing any of this, and Phum had no business trying to control his life

The conversation outside with Q was significant, but also a diluted reflection of Peem's earlier (in ep. 7) talk with Q

Even a few episodes earlier, Q would have gone ballistic on Phum for treating his bestie like this, but now, he asks Peem how he feels for Phum, tries to understand exactly what their relationship is

It was at this point that he knew, he fucked up

Beer is a godsent. I love him <3

I think Toey says "I asked hia Tan to blow it up for me."

Also, Tiw and his rubber duck floater from MSP anyone? 👀

And, we are back to square one where Phum is left alone again

As I'd said before, this a repeating motif throughout the series, but especially the last two episodes

This is how it has always been in Phum's life: he has been left behind. He does have Fang, but now even Fang has a boyfriend. And while this does not affect his brother's affection towards him in anyway, it does introduce a new strand of lonliness for Phum because 1. no matter what, he loves his brother a lot, and knows how much he loves Tan, so he definitely will try to stay out of their way at least sometimes and 2. he wants a boyfriend too. Further, he wants Peem, but there's a push and pull there, and after what he said, in his mind he had pretty much ruined his chances with his crush

This is the moment Phum starts to hope that maybe, just maybe, his feelings aren't as unrequited as he'd thought.

On the other hand, Peem is the one afraid here. What if the deal is all that's holding them together? What if without it, Phum will have no reason to be as close to him?

Peem, baby, for one, your groups are already merged, and secondly, this guy is head over heels for you, no way he'd stop following you like a lost puppy

(Apparently, it's not Peem's turn with the communal braincell this week 😭)

Here, Phum is technically alone, but he's surrounded with friends, and he's smiling

He isn't left behind here, for once, he's sitting there by choice (to shamelessly ogle his crush, but shh we don't talk about that) with the comforting knowledge that when/if he jumps in, he won't be left out, Kluen be damned

Once the floodgates of affection have been opened to Q, there's no going back <3

(Also, notice how Tan is already asleep on Fang's shoulder? 👀)

FINALLY

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE PEEM KICKED PHUM'S BALLS

Jokes apart, this moment is so, so beautiful. The kiss, the soft question "are you ready for my answer now?" (maybe Peem isn't, but hell if he denies this man his kissies).

Everything leading up to this point is also so very delightful

Phum helping them out in the cafe, despite probably having never worked a day in his life, discovering how Peem still kept the roses and finally, finally, the completed painting. This sight, above all, is what convinces Phum that Peem might have feelings for him after all; because which fool would lie about not having completed something that would free them from being a slave to someone? A fool in love, that's who

ALSO,

if they don't get together and have the fluffiest moments in the next ep, I swear to god, hands will be thrown *grumbles* they're already making me wait a whole damn week

Anyways, that's all for this week, see you next ep! (I cannot promise I won't be jumping around and screaming, but then again, this is supposed to be a crack post so-)

And if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have a bubble tea and a sandwich 🧋🥪

[If you'd like, here are my previous posts: Ep 8 and Ep 9.]

[crittercrossing]

Violet Update

It's kind of wild to think about all the love, friendship, and hardships this cat and I have shared so far, and how little of it has been shared with anyone else. When the blog went on unexpected hiatus, I had really only just introduced Violet and had not posted a lot about her. This little cat has come so far, and been through so much—and she has a fight ahead of her.

So, I'll start over from the beginning. Violet has a mostly unknown past. I'm not even sure exactly how old she is. At first, I thought she must have been a young adult when I met her, because when she was spayed, the vet told me that it looked like Violet had never been pregnant before. Most feral female cats end up pregnant pretty much the first time they're able to, so we thought she was younger. However, another vet later told me that judging by her physical condition and her teeth, she was closer to middle age. And for what it's worth, in 2016, I saw and took a photo of a pregnant black-and-white cat who was not Violet. This cat had slightly different markings, so I like to imagine that maybe that was Violet's mother. I have estimated Violet's birthday as being in March of 2016, making her eight years old now.

The first time I ever saw and took a picture of Violet was on New Year's Day of 2018. I know it's her because of the markings. I didn't see her again at all until over a year later, in March of 2019! She started hesitantly coming around the house more often as I left food out for her. She was completely feral. If she saw me from about 100 feet away, she bolted. I took pictures of her through windows because I couldn't get too close.

Finally, in October of 2019, I was able to trap her and I had her spayed. The look she gave me when I trapped her is hilarious, because you can see in that moment that I completely betrayed the tiny shred of trust she had in me.

After her spay, Violet never really left home again. She was still feral, but I could now get within a few feet of her. Something about this cat fascinated me, and I couldn't get enough time with her. I've always had a soft spot for tough feral cats, especially ones with attitude. Violet has enough attitude for probably 10 cats. She has never hesitated to let anyone know what she thinks about them, and she will stand up for herself against anyone. She has never feared dogs, other cats, wildlife, chickens—anything.

Sometime not long after returning from her spay, Violet came home one day with a pretty severe head tilt. She seemed otherwise okay, and she wasn't falling for the cat trap again, so it would be some time before she could get to the vet to find out what had caused this. She still has it, and some days, it's worse than others.

With her battle-scarred face, tilted head, tipped ear, black-and-white fur, and forest-green eyes, she's one of the most beautiful cats I've ever met.

I spent at least some time every day just hanging out with Violet. I was hoping to earn her trust, but I knew I couldn't change her mind, nor did I specifically want to. She is such a strong-willed, independent cat, and I admire that deeply about her. I loved sitting down near her, both of just taking in the nature around us, not intruding on her space whatsoever and letting her have control of our interactions.

For months, she practically ignored me. The first thing about me that she came around to was my camera. I swear this cat knows what a camera is and knows that she wants to be a model.

Over time, we began to develop a friendship. I noticed Violet choosing to sit closer and closer to me. She started to act silly around me, rolling over in the driveway or in the dirt. She no longer ran away when I got too close while filling up her food bowl.

One of my favorite ways that we bonded was when she started going on walks with me. I would often go on walks around the yard by myself, especially at night, when I needed to clear my head. Violet would always be outside, waiting for me. She would walk right alongside me for most of the time. Sometimes, she would run ahead a few paces and then stop and look back to see if I was following. Sometimes, she'd let me get ahead and then sprint to catch up with me. There were several times when I was having a really bad day, struggling tremendously with my mental health, and feeling completely alone in the world—and then there was Violet, ready to walk quietly with me and just exist together. She was showing me the kind of love and affection and loyalty that really speaks to me, that tells me that this animal is choosing to spend her time with me and keep me company.

Violet has met many other animals in her time with us so far, and has tolerated all of them well-enough. The funniest thing in the world is that she hates male cats. I mean, she may hate female cats, too, but she hasn't really met any up close. She's seen Dorothea and Ivy through the window and didn't really react. But she's met and lived with Shadow, Artemis, The Void, Tree, and Leonard... and she just hates males. With every one of them, she's never glad to see them and just completely ignores them until they try to interact with her. Then, she turns and beats the ever-loving crap out of them. All of these cats have been twice her size. She will take on anything. All of these male cats ended up terrified of her. Violet is perfectly fine with the dogs, and honestly tolerates them getting up close to her better than she does other cats.

Violet slowly began to trust me, and one day, I managed to touch the end of her tail while she was eating. She turned around and hissed at me, and I simultaneously felt bad and also really proud of our growing friendship. She very slowly began to tolerate more of this, until I could pet her down her back.

Over time, Violet took more and more steps towards trusting me. She began jumping onto the windowsill outside my bedroom and meowing until I opened the window and let her in. She wouldn't stay for long, but she liked to visit. Then, one day, she jumped into my lap and sat there for a few minutes. Then, she began to walk right in the front door and hang out for maybe half an hour before darting back to the door and meowing to go out. I was able to pet her back more often. One day, I finally pet her head. I was ecstatic. I imagined taming her completely, bringing her inside to live, and having her as a housecat alongside Dorothea and Ivy.

Then, in 2022, Violet suddenly started to look really sick. In only about a week, she lost a lot of weight, stopped grooming herself, and got shaky. I managed to trap her and take her to the vet, where I got the devastating news that she had cancer. She had a large tumor growing on her kidney. It was something severe enough that my local vet couldn't operate on it, and she would have to go to another city to have the operation, which would be incredibly risky in itself, with a very low chance of survival, and then even if she made it through the surgery, she'd have to be on crate rest for up to two months. She was not yet tame enough to handle something like that very well. I talked it over with the vet for a long time and then decided to just take her home and keep her comfortable for whatever time she had left. Additionally, an x-ray that day revealed that Violet had been shot at some point, and the bullet is still in her spine. That's believed to be what caused her head tilt. Some people are horrible and I can't believe someone did that to her.

So, Violet got fluids and medication that day and came back home. The vet guessed that she might make it about another six months. It's been almost two years since then.

During this time, Violet has become almost completely tame. My parents have helped a lot with that, as they're able to spend time with her whenever I'm not there. My dad was actually the first person to ever pick her up. It's really cute—Violet will go up to my dad and wait for him to pick her up, and then he'll hug her close to his face and she'll grab onto his arms and hold on. I've picked her up a couple of times for a few seconds per attempt, but I haven't yet been brave enough to hold her to my chest. She still bites people pretty unpredictably. My partner has held Violet up close several times. And I'm now able to approach Violet whenever I want and pet her on the head, scratching behind her ears and feeling her lean into it. It feels like my heart is melting every time.

Violet is visibly sick with cancer now. She isn't believed to be in any pain. She has a great appetite and eats really often, though she has trouble keeping weight on. The tumor is believed to be pressing on a nerve or something in one of her back legs, as she lost most use of it a while ago. She can still walk mostly normally and the leg doesn't seem to bother her other than how it sticks out awkwardly when she sits. She still has her old spirits. Though she is tame and lives almost entirely indoors, she still isn't really "safe" to pet sometimes and will scratch or bite anyone whenever she feels like it. She is a wildcat through and through, and she has my whole heart.

I cannot even start to explain how much I love this cat. The only cat I've ever loved more is Smokey. I don't think I know all of the right words to explain our relationship, how we seem to just get each other and how much she means to me and how fiercely I love her. I don't know how much time she has left, and I can't imagine not having her in my life. So for whatever time she has, I am content that she is loved and safe and protected. I will continue to visit her and take as many photos as she wants to pose for and try to pet her—all within her boundaries, of course. I love my little warrior.

[drgairyuki]

I decide to rolled up a planet for act as the homeworld for my homebrew chapter and for extra fluff for them too after getting inspired & the idea from reading one of the threads about Clavessa Secundus using the Planet Generator and the idea was far too tempting to me to ignored it since I got too many potential ideas for it along with me being something of a freaking sucker for lore & fluff and giving a bit of a barebone lore & fluffing for me to work on later using the Planet Generator and Roll a Die again for this.

Okay, so to recap; we know it's a Desert-based Feral World (or a Feral World with a Desert terrain, however you word it), through I don't if I should make a normal Feral World or a Death Feral World. I'll just have to see.

*WARNING: THIS OR RATHER THESE (after forcing to decide to split them up into several different reblogs because the original was too fucking long for one post to handle) POST(S) CONTAIN MAYNT BLOBS OF WORD AND COMPLICATED SETS/AMOUNTS OF MATHS INVOLVED SINCE I OVERTHOUGHT ON SOME OF THEM I THINK. SERIOUSLY. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT I HAVE GONE LOWEND UNHINGED AFTER FINISHING THIS.

Planet Name: Dune *placeholder name*

Class: Feral (Automatic). While it's Automatic, I decide to roll just to see what I get and I got 72… which is Pleasure/Paradise/Garden World. Huh. I did not expect that one. …Oh well. I mean, there are some planets in 40k that can/may have more than one classification and no say that they are exclusive from each other. So yeah, a Feral Death Pleasure/Paradise/Garden Desert Adeptus Astartes Chapter World. Which is really hilarious to me due to how much it doesn't make sense and how oxymoronical it is at first glance if you're not imaginative and/or creative enough.

Tech Level:

a. Tech Value; a1. Feral: 1d10 = 7 a2. Feral Death: 1d10+4d10 = 7 or (if i decide to reroll again) 2 + [7 + 4 + 2 + 2 =] 15 = 21 or 17. Or alternatively, if I decide to roll 1d10+1d10 four times to get: 7 or 6 + 7 + 5 + 10 + 7 = 36 or 34 a3. Feral Death Pleasure/Paradise/Garden: 1d10+4d10+35+2d10 = 7 or 3 + [3 + 2 + 3 + 9 =] 17 + 35 + [9 + 4 =] 13 = 72 to 69 (heheheh, it's Slaanesh. I get it)

b. Tech Level(s): b1. 7; Bronze/Iron Age: The people have started to learn how to shape and work bronze, and later iron to make more effective tools and weapons. They are also living in more substantial and sturdy buildings. Hunting and gathering is still common, though small farms may be seen dotted about.

b2. 21; Industrial: Has completely moved on from small farms and independent manufactories. Everything is mechanized and automated. The population mostly lives in large cities, and computers are starting to become common in all things. Solid projectile weapons are the norm for military forces, and advanced armour has started to appear for personnel and vehicles. At the very end of this stage, nuclear power and advanced computing systems can be found. Or 17; Pre-Industrial: The underclass lives mostly by farming, and there is a richer class starting to make use of new technologies and mechanical devices to aid in manufacturing. Printing presses make education and distribution of information more efficient.

Or the other options: 36; Warp Space: Has seen the development of warp drives and Geller fields, and the inhabitants are capable of traveling the galaxy beyond their own system. Powerful computers are common. Cybernetics and advanced medical techniques have been developed that border on Imperial level augmentation and rejuvenants. Primitive models of more advanced weapons, like plasma and needle weapons, are rare but present. Or 34; Advanced Space: Has explored their own system, and colonised any viable planets to be found there. Las weapons are common, and cybernetics are starting to become practical.

b3. 72 to 69 (Uh-oh, look like Slaanesh is involved in one way or another); Advanced: Have access to limited or developing technology. In the Imperium of Man only the greatest hive worlds and forge worlds have this level of technology. Although it wouldn't be surprising if some Inquisitors, who at least can be trusted to not fuck up all the time by both their fellows and the Mechanicus, have a planet or two that run an actual research facility that legitimately researches new technology. Extremely advanced weapons and armour are available in this planet and its manufactora can produce some of the most demanding (and commensurately deadly) weapons available to mankind. Such weapons can include graviton/grav weapons, conversion beam weapons, photon-thruster weapons and ordnance special even for being Titan or Voidship grade. At its peak, the deadly Vortex weapons that tear open holes in reality can even be produced, but such materials need to be handled with extreme care. Further, who knows what manner of technological horrors a planet so blessed to have survived the Iron War, the Age of Strife, the Great Crusade, the Horus Heresy and the Long War so unusually intact, or at least was able to rebuild may contain?

Depending on how I see and interpreted it, there could be different human forms & populations of different tech levels.

My 1st Randomly Generated Marine Chapter

This was my first attempt at creating a Space Marine Chapter randomly.

So I decide to randomly create and generate a Space Marine chapter by using and messing around with 1d6chan(rip 1d4chan)'s Space Marine Chapter Creation Table and Roll A Die to get the results. Why? Because I thought it would be fun. Note; I did for fun, and there is going to be a lot of interpretation and speculation on my part, but I guess that's the part of the fun.

So here are the results of this me messing around;

______________________________________________________________

Chapter Origins: Why Was The Chapter Founded? (d10) 10: Crusade - "We need people running around and hitting the Imperium's enemies. Found a Chapter!"

When Was The Chapter Founded? (d100) 97: M41/M42; Ultima Founding consisting of Primaris Marines. Actually in two waves (+ intermittents in-between), first in 999.M41 and 000.M42, intermittent foundings during the intervening years to replace destroyed chapters or garrison key areas, and the second in 012.M42 after the first phase of the Indomitus Crusade ended with victory at the Battle of Raukos from the last core of Unnumbered Sons veterans, capping off the largest founding in history.

Who was the Chapter's Progenitor? (d100) 71: Dark Angels

Chapter Properties and Flaws: Gene-seed purity (d10) 10: Flawed - Chapter's gene-seed is flawed and sets them apart from their progenitor - roll on Chapter Flaws table

Chapter Demeanour (d10) 10*: Uphold the Honour of the Emperor - Performing unheroic acts? *BLAM* NO or alternatively, since I'd already rolled 10 once for above, I decide to roll again and I got... 1: Swift As The Wind - Going slowly and thinking things out? BLAM NO

Based on the Chapter's Progenitor, how likely are they to suffer gene-seed mutation? (d100/d20) Dark Angels - 10% (1-2) d100; 44/d20; 12

If they have a new mutation, what is it? (d10) 7: Lost zygote - Something's gone. One of the silly EMPRAH-BLESSED things like the Betcher's Gland or Melanchromic Organ, not something critical like the Black Carapace

Progenitor-specific mutation Dark Angels Lost zygote

Lost Zygotes (d100) 60: Oolitic Kidney Since I got really confused and didn't know really about interpreted them above as I didn't know if it there only need to be one lost zygotes or two, I decide to roll again 100: Roll twice on this Chart 68: Neuroglottis 59: Oolitic Kidney* I'd already rolled for Oolitic Kidney, so either the above is good enough or I reroll again 27: Occulobe

If one exists, what is the Chapter's Flaw? (d10) 4: Pride in the Colours - The Chapter hates doing anything that covers their livery, including wearing Deathwatch black.

Chapter Legends: Figure of Legend (d100) 96: Battle-Brother (roll d10 twice to determine company and squad). I decided to roll both 2d10 once and roll 1d10 twice 6 & 7: 7th squad of 6th Company or alternatively, 5: 5th Company 4: 4th squad

Deeds of Legend (d100) 69: The figure led an action against an Eldar craftworld, boarding it and inflicting grievous casualties before withdrawing. He and his Chapter are especially hated by the pernicious Eldar, for whom the event is still fresh and raw.

Chapter Homeworld and its Properties Chapter homeworld (d100) 35: Feral World

Fleets 10+d10 vessels: 8

Homeworld terrain (d100) 29: Desert

Rule of homeworld (d10) 3: Stewardship - "Hi, Planetary Governor? It's me, the Chapter Master. Just calling you to remind you that I outrank you, even if I don't do anything."

Not Fleet-Based, so I can ignored that

Tactical and Strategic Organization d10 Result - Chapter organisation and Variant Base Chapter 10: Unique organisation/Unique(Codex)

Combat doctrine (d10) 6: Drop Pod

Characteristic Chapter Training (d100 Result) 44: Endure Anything: Training in this chapter emphasizes the need for any squad to be ready to endure any trials they find themselves in. They produce tough, durable brothers with diverse specialties.

Chapter Specialities Specialty restrictions (units the chapter cannot field) - Only roll if Unique Organisation was selected (d100) 15: Apothecary (someone still needs to collect the progenoids)

Special equipment- Roll once if Divergent was selected, twice if Unique Organisation was selected (d100) Rolling 2d100 81: Preferred Fighting Style: The Chapter has a specific way in which it prefers to go about killing the enemy in the name of the God-Emperor of Mankind. Examples: Bolt Pistol and Chainsword, dual Power Swords, special Bolter pattern or ammunition 99: Modified Weaponry: When the Chapter’s forges produce a weapon, they produce them in a style that is specific to their Chapter. Examples: Power Sabre, Bolt Pistol with weighted butt for clubbing. or alternatively, Rolling 1d100 twice 58: Blessed Wargear: It is common for members of this Chapter to have their Wargear blessed by a Chaplain before battle. Doing so puts the Battle-Brother’s mind at ease and more focused on the task at hand. 81: Preferred Fighting Style: The Chapter has a specific way in which it prefers to go about killing the enemy in the name of the God-Emperor of Mankind. Examples: Bolt Pistol and Chainsword, dual Power Swords, special Bolter pattern or ammunition

Chapter Beliefs What form do the Chapters' beliefs take? (d100) 84: Totem Creature - "You know how we've got an animal as our Chapter symbol? Yeah, we're going to stick that everywhere."

Chapter Strength At what strength is the Chapter? (d10) 2: Under Strength: The Chapter is recovering from a defeat or accident that occurred several decades ago, or has recently suffered heavy, but not irrecoverable losses. It is probably at a minimum of half strength, and should return to nominal strength within a decade.

Chapter Relations Who are your Chapter friendly with? (d100) 24: Another Chapter (choose one) Hhhmmmm… Maybe either the White Scars or the Space Wolves, depending on how your interpreted it.

Who are the Chapter's enemies?(d100) 27: The Tau Empire (alternatively, you may select a particular Sept, Commander, or Ethereal)

Ooooooo, the Tau Empire, my favorite faction in 40k (mostly due to the battle suit, so sue me :P), but I think I'll go with selecting a particular Sept, Commander, or Ethereal option. But i'll most probably do that in one of the reblog of this post.

[thegingeralien]

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

[sunjaesol]

“The simple act of being in love with you is enough for me.”

jiara | post-s2 | pining idiots | title: quote by Pacey from Dawson's Creek

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

“Kie.”

“Hm?” The girl’s mop of curls obscured her face as she mumbled out some vowels, clearly still buzzed from the night before. An amused smile ticked up his lips and slapped her calf again. She sighed. “What?”

“Leggo,” he pushed, “we gotta get to Pope’s place.”

“Why?”

Even if everyone else would deny it, JJ swore Kie was as bad as he was: slow and fucking lethargic before eleven in the morning. Sure, she had better grades in school, but he wasn’t gonna give her more credit than that. Speaking of, “Helping him with that new scholarship, remember?”

The girl groaned and rolled over to face him, droopy eyes cracking open to scowl at him. She slept where he used to crash whenever his dad’s place became too much, but since the old man fucked off to Yucatán, he found peace in the quiet walls and cracked windows. Regardless, it was weird seeing her sprawled on this mattress, the boy almost able to envision himself beside her. A dangerous fantasy to linger on, so he pushed it aside and kept on trucking.

“C’mon, Kie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered and sat upright. “How did you even get in the Château?”

JJ grinned and snagged a key chain from his shorts. “Spare key. Duh.”

She rolled her eyes, uttering, “John B’s stupid,” and then pushed him out the guest room, telling him she’d get ready. His mouth opened to make the joke if he couldn’t stay and watch, but the door slammed in his face and that was that.

Having a crush on Kiara was the freakiest thing ever. First of all, JJ and emotions didn’t mesh well — it only led to trouble, a perfect example being his dad and him with the most fucked up dynamic to boot. He preferred to not even think about the man, though one glance in the mirror often betrayed his mind and brought a rush of memories to the forefront, whether it was a shiner against his eye, or the fact that he resembled his father when he was young.

So yeah, he didn’t like anything ‘love’ related. It was stupid. It was more reckless than buying a jacuzzi or trying to steal a golden cross from a boat with dozens of armed men. Friendship, however, was easy. He told the Pogues just that: they were ‘it’ for him, he’d go through fire for them, through hell and fucking back.

But he didn’t think he’d actually die for them, which almost happened when he tried saving Kie on the Coastal Venture — to which she ended up saving him. (A vision illuminated by a golden sun, hovering over him. He’d never forget it.)

While he inspected the contents of the fridge, embarrassingly filled with only beer, eggs, milk and junk food, the door creaked open and revealed a dressed and less-wrecked Kiara. His gaze flicked up and down her frame, quick, and then averted it back to the fridge.

“You got no food, man.”

She chuckled. “I know. It’s not exactly The Wreck type of food…”

“You haven’t gone back?”

“Nope,” she replied, curt, and moved past him to shove a container of sausages aside to grab a bottle of almond milk. Even if she wasn’t with her parents, she still somehow kept up her ‘no dairy’ principles.

Also, Kiara was hella beautiful. He hadn’t let it register when she walked in, but it was true. Her soft-looking, shiny skin, sporting the prettiest smile in all of the OBX, and she was just hot. Especially when she propped herself on the kitchen counter, to which he settled beside her to not look at her legs.

“How many scholarships are there?” she asked. “Like, I’m obviously proud of him, but…”

“He told us last night,” JJ laughed. “You were that fucking high?”

She giggled, “Yeah! You were there, I was just on my ass.” And then, quieter, “And… I don’t know, I guess I’ve been kind of distracted.”

He perked up, surprised. Though the Pogues were family, openly talking about emotions when it wasn’t prompted by anything, remained rare. They were better at talking shit and smoking and napping on boats. Whatever, he took the bait.

“Why?”

She shook her head. “It’s stupid, JJ.”

“Kie, you’re talking to me,” he nudged her shoulder, “throw me a bone here. Is it Pope? You got the hots for our favourite nerd again?”

Taking a sip from the bottle, her brow quirked up as though that was the stupidest thing he ever said, and retorted with, “Why’re you always doing that?”

His hands raised instantly, defensive. “Doing what?”

“You’re always digging, like, when I was with Pope you got all weird.”

“I don’t dig.”

“You do.”

“I don’t. Kie, what’s up?” He kept it moving before she found the core of his problem, and bounced back to the original issue. “Before I start saying shit to Pope.”

She scoffed. “You're full of shit.”

“Oh, Kie,” he drawled with a smirk. “You can do better than that.”

Silence fell. He waited, fiddling with his fingers, and quietly hoped Pope wouldn't be too annoyed when they arrived late — then again, they were begrudgingly coined 'tortoise and tortoise' by the group anyway.

She placed the bottle back in the fridge and sent him a rueful smile, one he often saw her showing Sarah before they went aside and had a private talk. Their eyes locked and she finally spoke.

“Sometimes, I… I miss my parents. And it's like, I don't get how they don't just accept that I'm a Pogue, that I'm friends with you guys, you know? But I still miss them.” She looked down at her feet, crossing at the ankles like a little girl waiting to be reprimanded by the teacher. “I miss my dad's hugs.”

Instantly, his arm swung around her for a gentle side hug, a grateful smile pulling on her lips as she leaned into him. Both knew they should savour a moment like this, as hugging with a twitchy JJ and often irritated Kie happened once every blue moon.

Ignoring the guilty look in her eye — yeah, he didn't understand missing a paternal embrace, rather used to a blow in the stomach or a crude remark, but that didn't mean he lacked empathy — he resisted the urge to encourage her to reconnect with them. Knowing her, she'd just close up and glare at him for the rest of the day.

So no, he wasn't going to ask her. And no, she shouldn't feel guilty. P4L 'til the end, baby.

“Thanks, JJ,” she whispered.

He snickered and pushed her off. “You can't tell the guys I'm becoming soft, dude. Theyʼll give me so much shit for it.”

“They know you're soft,” she teased, “don't even try.”

“I'm tough,” he tried.

“Like Play-Doh.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled and motioned at the kitchen door. “Let's go, Carrera. Before John B and Sarah come back and act all married.”

Now that was fucking annoying. After John B and Sarah faked their death, they got married by a bandana strip and hadn't let that notion go after returning. Sure, there was that small blip when they were fighting the crazy religious chick, but that was old news.

John B made him swear he wouldn't tell a soul, but the guy waxed poetry about Sarah whenever they were drunk and alone. It was hilariously sad. Another man lost to a girl.

(“She wants a beach wedding,” JB sighed a couple nights ago. “Nice, right?”

“I– yeah, I really don't care about this, man.”)

JJ knew that when he got a girlfriend (Kiara unintentionally but also very intentionally crossed his mind), he'd act normal. No mushy shit. No poetry. Definitely no creepy Romeo and Juliet references thrown in as if that shouldn't freak the Pogues out. Their behaviour better not be infectious.

Expectedly, Pope's scowl reached them all the way from the car, Kie and JJ sharing a sheepish look before stepping out.

“Gee, guys,” the boy deadpanned, “thanks for making haste. Really appreciate it.”

JJ's wide grin hoped to salvage it. Slapping his friend on the shoulder, he pushed past him and yelled, “Kie was dead, dude!”

Pope grimaced. “Don't joke about that.”

He watched as Kie stopped beside Pope with an apologetic expression, telling him she overslept and was sorry and that he knew how JJ was — “Always joking.”

His chapped lips pursed, a familiar punch hitting his chest with him then pretending it didn't hurt. She always did this. Even if she claimed she didn't, she always took Pope's side. Relationship or not. JJ knew she didn't owe him her 'side', but it'd be a nice change of pace either way.

Whatever. This wasn't the JJ Pining For Kiara Show. Pope needed their help.

A state-wide scholarship competition gave Pope another shot at winning a huge chunk of money (no gold type of rich though) and getting his ass out of OBX, hopefully launching himself into some fancy college when he revealed to be of Denmark Tanny's lineage. Those hibrow assholes loved a good sob story.

All Pope had to do was score hella high on some test — easy — and impress the panel — not so easy — and he'd be the luckiest Pogue of all.

But that did mean Kie and him had to sit on his creaky bed with a freaky amount of flashcards while a stressed out Pope paced around his room. He was pretty sure the floor was eroding.

Also, he had no fucking clue what any of the flashcards meant. Did Pope's smarts really attracted Kie that much? Was it the brain? Brain over brawl? But where was the fun in that? JJ loved Pope to death, but the guy had to be fully medicated or high before his brain shut off and he acted carefree.

“Pope, do you even know what this all means?” Kie bemoaned, flipping the cards around.

“You got a dictionary somewhere?” added JJ, squinting at the word aberration. It sounded like some weird disease. He showed him the word.

Pope dismissed it. “It means: different from the norm.”

“Dude, why not write that then?”

“Because they want aberration.”

He didn't get it. “No one uses it though.”

“JJ, that's just the way it is,” Pope pressed.

“Guys, stop,” Kiara interrupted. “But honestly Pope, it's so, like, elitist. None of these questions are important to the world, or the well-being of the people.”

“Sorry, Kiara, but unfortunately not everyone cares that much,” he sighed. JJ could tell they were starting to annoy their friend, their tortoise bullshit bleeding through.

Her nose scrunched up, peeved. “Right. Because there's a planet B just waiting to be used by us. Duh.”

“Ooh,” JJ drawled, nudging her arm. “Are there donkeys shitting money?”

Kie laughed. “Yes. All beaches, clean air, no Kooks, and money-shitting donkeys.”

“Nah, I want it to be hella Kooky,” he joked, gesturing wildly. “I want a yacht and tell people someone else does my laundry, or something.”

“You don't even do your laundry anyway,” she bounced back with a roll of the eye. “I know you force John B.”

“He's already playing House with Sarah, might as well wash my underwear, too.”

Oh, man. He could do this all day. Talking shit with Kiara went as smooth as fishing for him. Each time he thought he one-upped her, she threw more on top and kept it going 'til neither knew what the point even was anymore. Sarah dubbed it as 'banter' which he believed was a rich way of saying 'talking smack.'

“I don't believe you even know how to do it,” she challenged.

JJ huffed and crossed his arms. “I can do it.”

A smirk bloomed on her lips as she kept jabbing. “It's kinda cute, how you need John B to be your mom.”

“I don't.”

“You literally said it five seconds ago.”

“Guys,” Pope groaned, followed by an exhausted sigh eerily similar to Heyward. “Can we get back to the flashcards?”

Kie and JJ were too far into their discussion though, jabbing at each other at rapid speed. Then she threw her cards at him and all bets were off. He yelled she should make a goal with her hands, to which he folded up a flashcard and shot it straight between her fingers.

And that was when Pope kicked them out. JJ presumed it was a victory they lasted as long as they did. Kie kept apologising over her shoulder, prompting Pope to ask Cleo for help instead.

For a beat, they were silent stepping out of his place and back into the car. JJ felt a stab of guilt for fucking up Pope's study time, but it was hard to dial his brain to school when his friends surrounded him. Just when he wanted to ask if she felt bad too, she went off about the climate — as usual.

“It's so dumb how there were no questions about the environment or human rights or, or anything like that! It's all science and lit, like, there's more to life than fucking chemistry formulas!”

“I skipped those cards. Didn't get them.”

“It's so fucked,” she hummed. “And I'm obviously glad that you drove to the Château to wake me up and all—”

“Yeah?”

“—but I really wish those questions would matter. We almost died, JJ!”

“No, shit,” he grumbled, quickly starting to lose his patience with the ranting girl. She didn't even realise what the fuck she was saying anymore — what she did to his heart, skipping like some elemtary school girl on the playground, when she slipped some nice words in.

“Died!” she pressed. “Why even care about stuff like that?”

“Fucks sake, Kie—”

“And I didn't want to say it, but did you see how many flashcards there were? How many trees were cut for that? It's like, hello, Quizlet exists!”

“Kie, shut up!” he yelled.

Her mouth fell slack, gobsmacked, gawking at him like his interruption was a slap in the face.

Gesturing wildly with one hand, he exclaimed, “You know, you can just go on and on and I hear you talking and it's like, yeah, we get it, Mother Earth needs to be saved, we're fucked, you don't gotta repeat it twenty-four seven.”

“What the hell, JJ!”

“You have an opinion about everything! A man gets tired!”

“A man?” She scoffed. “You're not even eighteen.”

“Point is you don't gotta act all preachy all the time.” He turned the corner, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

Kie scowled. “Where is this coming from? I'm not preachy, I'm educating you.”

Now that was just fucking with his head. Incredulous, he exclaimed, “You think I don't listen? Kie, I'm the only one that does. JB is on Planet Sarah all the damn time and Pope only did shit 'cause—"

"That!” she yelled, throwing her hands up with frustration. “That's what I mean! You're doing it again! You dig!”

“What?!”

“Every time you mention Pope and I, you dig. You needle!” Twisting in her seat, his gaze flickered to catch her disgruntled expression. “Why do you do that? It's so… sus.”

JJ laughed. “Sus?”

“You don't ask John B about Sarah.”

“'Cause they're fucking obvious.”

“Still,” she pressed. “Did I do something to piss you off? Is that it? Is it me constantly asking you to recycle and yet — shocker! — you never do?!”

“Fucking God,” he grumbled under his breath.

With frazzled thoughts and shaking hands, adrenaline coursed through him as he swerved to the side of the road and stopped the car. If he fought with Kie any longer to this degree of fuckery, they were gonna crash.

She frowned. “What're you doing?”

“You, Carrera, are driving me insane,” he deadpanned, matter-of-fact. Then he slammed the door open and stepped out, desperate to catch his breath.

In the back of his mind, he had an inkling as to why he was so keyed up. Kiara would call him a Neandethal, but fuck it, here was the truth: Kiara was hot as hell when she argued with him.

Following his lead, she got out, her sneakers stomping against the asphalt. The sun steeped low on the horizon, the light hitting the hood and reflecting onto her face; her curls shifting from dark brown to gold. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was so fucked. He almost missed the start of her spiel, too enthralled.

“I'm driving you insane? I'm always getting you out of trouble, because you never think things through! You never see the bigger picture!”

He rolled his eyes. “Bigger picture? The only thing I see, Kie, is you going on about nature. That easy.” And then, before he could stop himself, he spewed out, “And you don't have to do that.”

“What?”

“Getting me out of trouble,” he said, pursing his lips. “That's not your responsibility.”

“Right. Duh. Because after everything we've been through, I can't care about you,” she exclaimed, face twisting up in pure fury. She got in his space, shoving his shoulder, but when he didn't budge, it only seemed to anger her more.

JJ didn't know what was going on anymore. Why was she so mad? Even if she didn't want to admit it, he was telling the truth. Of course all the Pogues had each other's back, but Kiara doted over him more than was necessary. The constant checking of injuries, limiting his day drinking, all that. Like he was some child!

He leaned in and mumbled, “I can take care of myself.”

Kie smirked. “Then do your own laundry.”

It happened naturally. One second he stared at her furious eyes and thought about how much he loved arguing with her despite the bullshit, the next his fingers curled into her hair and pulled her in a fierce kiss.

At first, her hands laid frozen on his shoulders, surprised, but the moment he realised his impulsive decision was a mistake, they slid around his neck and kept him close.

JJ sighed in relief and deepened the kiss he'd been craving ever since they were fourteen and Kie went from gangly to statuesque. Her lips were warm and soft and her hands were soft and she hadn't let go and holy shit — he was kissing Kiara Carrera.

The kiss lessened when her mouth quirked into a smile, their grins pressing flush together, and JJ shivered from delight. Oh, man. He was gone.

“You drive me damn crazy, Kie,” he murmured, voice dropped to an undeniably soft tone.

She bit back her silly grin and whispered, “Good.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried focusing up, but all he could do was stare at her face. A shy hand grabbed hers.

He had to get it out of the way now, or else he'd kick himself later. “I'm… really into you. I'm– oh, fuck, uh–”

“Maybe we can talk about it not on the side of the road?” she suggested, amused.

JJ grinned, elated (What was the word he saw on the flashcards? Exalted!), and kissed her again, because he could.

On the ride back to the Château, he confessed to seeing her in a different light for years, while she couldn't really pinpoint a time or moment, that it just happened. It didn't matter, though he was in utter disbelief that he and Kie were having this conversation. No jokes, no BS, all seriousness. Tomorrow, he'd wake up and it wouldn't be some sick dream. Kie liked him back.

JJ was sure he'd doubt himself or overthink it in the future, but today, he'd bask in the certainty and the major ego boost.

“Okay, but did you ever legit like Pope then?”

A sheepish smile crawled up her cheeks as her gaze averted to the window. “I thought I did. But we have, like, no chemistry, so…” She shook her head. “I was confused.”

“That's okay,” he uttered. He couldn't give her shit for it. Even if he did torture himself with their short-lived relationship, he understood.

How would he react though? John B and Sarah wouldn't care, or Cleo, but Pope? He didn't want one of his brothers hating him. Being iced out by the guy fucking sucked, as it meant he was truly hurt and therefore meant JJ truly fucked up. He couldn't handle disappointing him.

Kie read his mind. “He'll be fine with it.”

“I dunno, man…”

“He will,” she repeated. “We're Pogues. We've all narrowly survived death. And besides…” She turned back to him with a secretive grin. “I think he has a thing for Cleo.”

Whoa. He did not see that coming. His brows shot up to his hairline, mentally kicking himself for being so focused on Kie that he didn't even notice the shift of interest between Pope and Cleo. They made sense, too. Know-it-all's, but well-meaning, and only speaking when needed.

If the idea didn't relief him of worries, he'd be concerned as to why they were all seamlessly coupled up like in some 90s sitcom Big John had on VHS.

“What a player,” he joked.

“Tell me about it.”

They arrived at the house, the Twinkie and Sarah's bike sprawled on the overgrown front lawn. JJ frowned. He had hoped to have some alone time with Kie, not to jump her bones and fulfill a regular dream of his, but to talk. To figure it out. He wanted to do this right. Because after everything, they deserved to have good things, to start on a high note — he deserved it.

Kie noticed it, too. Puckering her lips on contemplation, her gaze trailed from him to the rest of the property, ending on the trusty ol' hammock. She jabbed her thumb at it.

“Let's sit there.”

Normally, they laid on opposite ends on the hammock, if they even shared one to begin with. But now, she pressed herself right beside him and he felt like heaven dropped down on them in the best way possible. He suddenly understood what John B was lamenting about — the company, intimacy, the ease. Nerves rippled through his body like a summer storm, but he figured that was what it cost to lose one's mind over a girl.

He didn't know what to say, so Kiara spoke instead.

“I don't want us, the way we are around each other, to change, you know?” she said. “Like, I don't want you to think you have to act like some mellow ass boyfriend all of a sudden.”

He smirked. “Who said anything about boyfriend?”

“Bye.”

“Hey, wait,” he grinned, latching onto her arm before she pushed herself out. “C'mon, Kie.”

Her nose scrunched up. “I don't do this usually, okay?”

“You think I do?” he asked. His hand softly slid down to wrap around hers, to which she hooked their fingers together. Okay. Wow. It felt so damn nice that it propelled him to say, “I wanna be your boyfriend, Kie.”

The girl smiled and then surprised him by leaning in herself, pressing a gentle kiss on his chapped lips. It was overwhelming having her instigate it, his gut twisting up in excitement like when he was about to backflip from a boat, or cliff dive, or something similar like that.

He let go of her hand to cup her cheeks, only to whisper, “That's a yes, yeah? Gotta get a yes.”

“Yes, JJ,” she uttered back. “Here's to not fucking this up.”

“Cheers, baby.”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

[incorrect-rainbow-rocket-quotes]

RR Meta #2: Guzma + The Cycles of Abuse

With the refreshing breath of air that Pokemon Sun and Pokemon Moon were, it’s little surprise that the villains of the series still stay in people’s minds -- Guzma, for his blunt attitude and hilarious grunts, and Lusamine, for her terrifying motivation and frankly creepy boss fight.

However, there might be more of a connection here then we think. Sun and Moon as games really had prevalent ties with family and friends, but also with what makes those ties -- by how family is not chosen by blood -- but also how those ties can easily get broken by abuse.

For a series that has always been focused on battling, there’s always been a remarkable skirt-around in specifically mentioning abuse, particularly to children. Granted, it’s been implied numerous times throughout the series -- looking at Ghetsis and Cyrus, here -- but Pokemon has almost never gone into depth with the idea and shown it like they have with Guzma and, by extension, Lusamine.

Maybe in the future I’ll do a meta on Lusamine and her issues, but for now, lets tackle our boy.

Better buckle up, everyone. It’s gonna get heavy.

(WARNING: The following post contains some triggering content, including discussion of abuse -- mental, physical, and emotional / verbal -- as well as discussions of unhealthy coping mechanisms, self-harming behavior, unbalanced relationships, and depictions of blood. Please, please proceed with caution, and if you or someone you know has been or possibly might be a victim of abuse, learn to recognize the symptoms and seek help.)

What We Know

Given the in-game context clues about Guzma, we all can imply that, at least on some level, Guzma was abused as a child, but I think all of us didn’t really expect how far that abuse still manifests into his behavior as an adult.

When walking into his previous house on Route 2, you can talk to his father, who only gives these very sobering lines.

“It’s good for kids to experience their own journeys, but running away without even a word to your parents is another thing entirely. I tried to set that boy of mine straight, but when I did, I was the one who got beat…”

Even on their own, this sentence gives some implication that Guzma and his father’s relationship was strained, even before you come and meet Guzma in person. However, this statement becomes even more chilling when you examine the house further -- and with how the game makes it a point to say that there are “a great number of broken and bent golf clubs in the bag...” when you examine them.

When you go through Guzma’s room, the game mentions that almost all of them are silver and bronze, but almost none are gold. While the detail is innocuous at first, it remains a very important part in Guzma’s psyche, so keep that in mind for later.

While one can piece together the evidence that Guzma was likely physically abused by his father (or, perhaps, he finally was tired of such a thing and used the golf-clubs on his father), the game takes it a step further. Plumeria, Guzma’s right hand gal, even comes out and says it to you during her confrontation at Poni Path.

“See, Guzma... he really likes the president. She's the only adult who ever seemed to see how strong he was.”

While this is a statement that should, again, definitely be examined later, the main point here is that Lusamine is the only adult who saw Guzma for his strength -- which implies that not even his own father believed in him, and for a child, a disbelieving parent, or one that ignores your successes, can be incredibly harmful for your sense of self-worth in the future.

From these statements alone, it becomes painfully obvious that Guzma’s father was a toxic influence when he was young, but the length of this abuse is left vague (for now).

And it doesn’t end there.

Explaining everything is going to be pretty long, so I’m breaking this down into segments, starting with the biggest factors and going from there.

The Hated Boss That Beats You Down

To start off, let’s address something first: abuse is a cycle, one that often stems from previous trauma manifesting in the present person repeating the actions of their abuser. Abuse is mostly due to a need for power or control, most often because the abuser feels insecure with themselves, even though they might not say it. They lash out at others because someone did that to them, and, even though it’s temporary, it makes them feel better afterwards. The victim itself is never at fault here — it’s the abuser choosing to act out in a way that’s harmful.

That’s not to say such behavior is correct, at all, but in Guzma’s case, it makes an alarming amount of sense. Guzma, who has been hurt and repeatedly abused by his father, is now shown in the present game to be someone who does the exact same thing to others.

In fact, one could contribute Guzma’s entire “delinquent punk” attitude that he carries to adulthood through the games, along with the creation of Team Skull, to said abuse. Quote, 

“[...] this research indicates that abused and neglected children are at increased risk for juvenile delinquency. Prospective studies estimate the incidence of delinquency in adolescents who have been abused or neglected as children to be about 20 to 30 percent (Widom, 1989c). Retrospective studies, in which delinquents were asked about their early backgrounds, estimated rates from approximately 8 to 26 percent (Widom, 1989c).”

“Several studies have documented the correlation between child maltreatment and future juvenile delinquency and criminal activities (Herrenkohl, Jung, Lee, & Kim, 2017). According to research [...], children who experience maltreatment in the form of physical and emotional abuse are more likely to develop antisocial behaviors and form relationships with other antisocial people (U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, 2017).”

“Violence and criminal behavior is another frequently identified long-term consequence of child abuse and neglect for adult survivors, particularly for those who have experienced physical abuse or witnessed domestic violence (Gilbert et al., 2009; Kwong et al., 2003; Miller-Perrin & Perrin, 2007).”

Another fact is that, psychologically, as mentioned before, abuse victims will oftentimes repeat the behaviors of their abusers, whether they realize it or not. If Guzma was physically abused by his father, it would be little surprise to see Guzma be physically violent. The data even supports this. To quote,

“In the study [of child abuse], [...] boys tended to express externalizing behaviors (e.g., bullying, aggression, hostility) leading up to adult criminal behavior (Herrenkohl et al., 2017).”

“Adults with a history of child physical abuse or witnessing domestic violence may be more likely to be violent and involved in criminal activity as they have learned that such behavior is an appropriate method for responding to stress or conflict resolution (Chapple, 2003).”

With this in mind, so much of Guzma’s behavior becomes incredibly heartbreaking to listen to and watch. Throughout the games, Guzma has made numerous mentions of “beating down” or physically getting involved with his opponents and the player.

{SM / USUM} [After being defeated when you first meet him] “Now's the time for your vaunted team to let loose and destroy everything! It was <player name>, right? I'll remember you...as someone I'll be happy to beat down anytime!"

{SM / USUM} [After being beaten in the Aether Paradise] "Hey, what's up with you? How come I can't smash you?!"

{SM / USUM} [Challenging him in the Shady House] "You wanna know what I do when some machine messes up? The first thing I do is give it a nice hard smack! I mean, most of the time I smash it to pieces, but hey, what can you do?”

It’s true, Guzma is the ‘hated boss that beats you down and beats you down and never lets up’.

Because he’s repeating his father’s physical violence against him to others.

If At First You Don’t Succeed...

This also makes this sentence in particular almost heartbreaking to listen to. He says it every time you defeat him in a Pokémon battle, with varying degrees of intensity.

“Guzma! What is wrong with you?!”

This… does not sound like a phrase he came up with himself. For someone with as much arrogant, egotistical swagger as Guzma (the man refers to himself as ore-sama in the Japanese version, for god’s sake), this very blunt, very accusatory statement at himself seems highly out of character… until you pair this with his abuse. Then the realization comes in.

This is something his father has most likely been telling Guzma all throughout his young life, to the point where any sort of failure in the current present -- even something like losing a Pokémon battle -- drives him to anger, and even self-harm.

Now, anger, as an emotion, is rarely one you feel all the time. In fact, it’s often called a ‘secondary emotion’, meaning that it’s a reaction or a side-emotion to a much larger feeling at play, such as shame, guilt, stress, helplessness, or danger. This can only intensify in victims of abuse, to the point where anger becomes an immediate reaction to any sort of ‘threat’ against them.

“Chronic frustration, as in situations of prolonged or frequent abuse, will typically develop into chronic anger. Additionally, revenge fantasies often fuel chronic anger management problems for victims of childhood abuse.”

“Strong, frequent, or prolonged activation of a person’s stress response system, often referred to as toxic stress, can have long-lasting damaging effects on an individual’s health, behavior, and ability to learn (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2014). Toxic stress can be caused by experiencing ACEs, including child maltreatment. It can change an individual’s brain architecture, which can cause the person’s stress response system to be triggered more frequently and for longer periods of time and place him or her at an increased risk for a variety of physical and mental health problems, including cardiovascular disease, depression, and anxiety (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2014).”

… Beat, Beat Yourself.

However, the manga in particular takes this to absolutely chilling levels.

[From the Sun and Moon special, Ch. 6]

This segment is short (it takes up just two pages), but is horrifying and implies so much when looking at context. Guzma, having lost in a Pokémon battle, immediately starts slamming his head into the ground, again and again, to the point of bleeding and having bits of glass stuck into his forehead from the cracked sunglasses.

This, needless to say, is NOT at ALL a healthy first reaction to loss or failure, and an especially harmful coping mechanism when dealing with it. The fact it takes Guzma hitting his head at least four times before one of the grunts to come forward and physically stop him from continuing?

It implies two things.

Either the grunt was too shocked or scared to intervene at first, or even worse

This is not the first time he’s done this.

But believe it or not, Guzma’s reaction to failure is another symptom of abuse.

“Several writers have suggested that severe childhood maltreatment also is related to later self-destructive behavior [...], withdrawal [...], and depression [...]. Although this body of work is not extensive, some abused and neglected children appear to engage in self-abusive and self-destructive behavior in adolescence.“

“Up to 79% of individuals who self-injure report physical [...] abuse during his or her childhood.”

Remember all those bronze and silver trophies in Guzma’s room? It wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say that, combined with this clue, Guzma’s phrasing, and his almost instinctive reaction to self-injure after losing a Pokémon battle, that part of his abuse was due to him never getting gold, or not “being good enough”.

Victims of abuse, similarly, will oftentimes freeze or collapse at the thought of failure, or something similar that triggered the abuse. Whether it’s a small mistake on their part, or an accident that they may or may not even be responsible for, these people will often have a strong reaction to it -- because they’ve been conditioned to believe that any “failure” or “mistake” is met with punishment, whether that be emotional, mental, or violent. 

“In the typical circumstances of early childhood, fear responses are activated quickly and then dissipate. However, when young children are chronically exposed to perceived or real threat, fear-system activation can be prolonged. [...] As this conditioning evolves, it solidifies the relation between the two stimuli and then generalizes the fear response to other neutral stimuli that may share similar characteristics with the aversive stimulus. [...] Over time, the fear elicited and the consequent anxiety can become generalized, and subsequent fear responses may be elicited by other people and places that bear sometimes only small resemblances to the original conditions of trauma.”

(As a side note, I believe this does bear mentioning: If this sounds like a similar depiction of PTSD, then you’d be right! A similar process in the brain triggers the traumatic reaction those with the disorder have. In fact, childhood abuse can be one of the main experiences that later causes PTSD to emerge in adults.)

Driven by his failures and “what’s wrong with him”, it is very easy for Guzma to fall into this mindset of needing to be the best — which is why he puffs himself up to be, again, “Big Bad Guzma”, one of the strongest trainers on the islands, while only beating weaker trainers, and comparing himself to be better then everyone around him.

This is a defense mechanism he has -- and it’s not exactly a healthy one.

In His Defense (Mechanisms)

Now, in order to understand this well, I feel like a proper definition is in order. The term “defense mechanism” has been used much more often nowadays -- and that’s good! Learning to understand your mind and yourself is always a good thing. However, it’s always proper to remind yourself of exactly what it refers to.

A “defense mechanism”, as explained by the American Psychological Association, is as follows:

“[Proposed in 1894 by Sigmund Freud], in classical psychoanalytic theory, an unconscious reaction pattern employed by the ego (a person’s sense of rationality, the balancer between the base desires of the id and the moral conscious of the superego) to protect itself from the anxiety that arises from psychic conflict. [...] In more recent psychological theories, defense mechanisms are seen as normal means of coping with everyday problems and external threats, but excessive use of any one, or the use of immature defenses (e.g., displacement or repression), is still considered pathological. Also called an escape mechanism.”

Simply put, a defense mechanism is how your brain tries to rationalize or react to the anxiety-inducing conflict between your immediate wants and your sense of right and wrong, among some other things. Often times, these defenses are unconscious -- we don’t even realize we’re doing it. As you can imagine, however, your brain remembering past trauma or abuse you might have suffered would cause a lot of anxiety in someone.

Anna Freud, the daughter of Sigmund Freud, expanded upon her father’s theories and listed some of these defense mechanisms people use. Some of these you’ve probably done or heard of before, such as avoidance (avoiding the source of anxiety altogether), projection (taking your positive or negative traits or impulses and projecting them onto someone else), rationalization (using logic and reasoning to justify your behavior or thoughts), denial (completely blocking the anxiety from our minds and thoughts), and substitution (replacing anxiety and frustration with more achievable and easier goals).

Guzma employs several defense mechanisms in response to his abuse. One of the largest he does is displacement, where you transfer your negative feelings or thoughts onto other people, oftentimes those we see as weaker or powerless. One of the most common negative emotions this happens to is, coincidentally, aggression.

Guzma in the anime is often described as only beating trainers weaker than him. He’s still angry about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father -- of not being “good enough” -- and transfers that into beating trainers he can defeat and calling himself “undefeatable.” (Spoilers: He is not.) 

Avoidance is another defense mechanism he has. Instead of trying again to become a Trial Captain with Kukui, or participating in the Island Challenge, a legitimate sign of strength, Guzma falls back, dismisses it, and breaks tradition by avoiding it because he knows he won’t succeed.

Rationalization is another defense mechanism he does, as much as it might surprise some people. Guzma, being unable to beat an opponent, flees as the most opportune moment to try and prevent losing, rationalizing that he would have won anyway. In a bit more of an extreme version, he can’t understand Z-moves or how to use them, so he rationalizes in a very “if I can’t have it, no one can” kind of way, and takes away all the Bugnium-Z in the game.

However, all of that accumulates into his biggest defense mechanism -- a superiority complex.

Defined again by the American Psychological Association, a superiority complex is “[...] an exaggerated opinion of one’s abilities and accomplishments that derives from an overcompensation for feelings of inferiority.”

Who does Guzma pump himself up to be?

“Big Bad Guzma”. “Destruction in human form”.

That seems pretty arrogant and superior, and combined with the above points -- inability to deal with failure on his part, constantly belittling opponents, needing to be seen as the best -- it seems to give us a very solid idea of Guzma having a superiority complex to deal with his previous abuse, in combination with his trigger-like anger and proneness to violence.

So… that’s it for him, right? We explained it all?

Wrong.

The Cyclical Motion of Harmful Emotion

See, it’s been proven multiple times that our brains are hardwired to recognize patterns and similarities — that’s why cloud watching is fun and why we see people’s faces in wood grain and potato chips. It’s also why it’s heartbreaking when people who’ve been abused fall back into the same patterns as their abuser — whether it’s being with another abusive person, or copying their actions to match what’s been inflicted, they’re repeating what has been done to them.

So Guzma has been abused by his father — verbally degraded, possibly beaten, given this superiority complex to make up for it, as well as a whole cocktail of problems that stem from it.

And the moment he’s free from his father’s grip and is able to be on his own as he runs away, who does he end up going to?

Lusamine.

A woman who uses him like a pawn to further her own goal. Another person in a position of power over him to make him do what she wants.

Granted, while we don’t see much of her interaction with Guzma, given her blunt statements, the almost annoyed way she speaks about him, and her general point of view while under Nihilego’s influence, (“If you're not beautiful enough to be worthy of my love, then I don't NEED you!”), we can likely guess that she only keeps him around because he’s useful to her and not much else.

Now while it’s safe to say Lusamine is grappling with her own issues, dealing with grief and loss and how that affects people around her, as well as Nihilego’s poisoning of her mind and her obsession with it, it is key to understand just what drew Guzma back into another abusive situation.

Remember Plumeria’s statement from earlier?

“See, Guzma... he really likes the president. She's the only adult who ever seemed to see how strong he was.”

For someone like Guzma, who has been told he was never “good enough”, who only challenges weaker trainers and avoids a true test of strength, having an adult -- one could even say someone similar to a maternal or parental figure, something he has been lacking for almost all of his life -- saying that he’s a strong Trainer? That must have seemed like a godsend to Guzma.

Plumeria goes on to say that he “really likes her”. Given Guzma’s behavior and how he interacts with people, I can very easily see this translating into Guzma doing what she asks him to because of this praise, to the point of leaping into an alien wormhole after her. He is desperate for any type of genuine validation of his abilities, even if the person it’s coming from isn’t exactly a good person themselves.

Needless to say, doing an entire list of tasks for someone simply because you’ve been lacking basic validation, and the person you’re doing things for makes you feel special, is NOT how a proper relationship works or functions.

So, Guzma has been abused for most of his life, falling back into similar patterns of abuse, and dealing with a superiority complex, undealt with anger, unhealthy coping and defense mechanisms, and a severe, desperate need to be validated.

... Is there any hope for him?

And You Don’t Have to Be Afraid (Because We’re All the Same)

One of the big things that gives me hope for Guzma is, in fact, Team Skull. Sure, call them what you will, and whether Guzma’s a good leader or not, but the fact that he’s willing to lead this group of kids -- those who couldn’t complete the island challenge or left home -- is a large sign that he’s not as aggressive or harsh as he comes off as.

As mentioned before, people look for patterns and similarities, and are drawn to them -- as stated in the data before, “[...] children who experience maltreatment in the form of physical and emotional abuse are more likely to develop antisocial behaviors and form relationships with other antisocial people (U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, 2017).”. It’s not at all hard to imagine that Guzma saw himself in these Grunts and decided to give them the chance he never could have.

It even reaches a point in the anime where, even though he lost the tournament, the Grunts still want to stick around him and teach them how to battle. They still want to be with him, even after the image of “Big Bad Guzma” is broken. That’s how you know the relationships he’s formed with them, and the respect the grunts have for Guzma, is genuine and formed on fond feelings.

It’s also implied at the end of the game of USUM, where you beat Ultra Necrozuma, he gives you this uplifting line about himself.

"Maybe when you bring out the best in others, it helps you find the best in yourself, too, huh?"

He sounds contemplative about himself and his future, really reflecting on himself and what he does. Given how he helps you during the RR Event, as well as this line he says after:

"I wanna do my best to take care of my homies and make sure nobody beats 'em down too hard. So what if I never became a captain or whatever. I'll always be big, bad Guzma!"

He’s turned this persona of “Big Bad Guzma” into a source of character strength, something to grow and change with rather than a complex to cover his flaws. He also mentions that he’s been helping Plumeria with her training, someone who’s supported him all this time. Again, he’s formed genuine relationships. Forming genuine bonds with people can be hard for anyone to do, especially those who have suffered previous abuse or trauma at someone else’s hands.

Plus, in the manga, we get this very cute shot of him helping Hau out with his new Malasada shop: 

We stand for healthy character development and breaking out of harmful habits and GROWING in this house!

TL;DR 

Guzma puffs himself up to be “Big Bad Guzma”, someone nobody wants to mess with, someone with a superiority complex the size of the moon, who challenges only weak Trainers and refuses to take the Island Challenge, a sign of actual strength, to keep up his self-proclaimed image of being incredibly strong. However, the moment he’s faced with actual loss and failure, the anger he’d shown to other people immediately comes inwards at his own fault, most likely due to his father abusing him whenever he failed. This results in him developing unhealthy coping mechanisms and practicing defense mechanisms to distance himself from this anxiety caused by his previous trauma. Lusamine has also been a factor in this, continuing the abuse Guzma suffered from his father on a different level, and Guzma struggles with wanting true validation of his “inferiority” after being told all his life that he wasn’t “good enough”. 

However, there is a good light to all of this, which is that, near the end of the games and in various media, Guzma is shown to be forming connections with people and attempting to reach out and overcome his trauma.

SOURCES USED

https://www.nap.edu/read/2117/chapter/8#217

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/long_term_consequences.pdf

https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/effects-child-abuse-and-neglect-adult-survivors

http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/the-relationship-between-self-injury-and-child-maltreatmentfinal-1.pdf

https://www.promisesbehavioralhealth.com/addiction-recovery-blog/anger-and-trauma/

https://www.intothelight.org.uk/core-issues-of-abuse-shame/

https://developingchild.harvard.edu/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Persistent-Fear-and-Anxiety-Can-Affect-Young-Childrens-Learning-and-Development.pdf

https://dictionary.apa.org/defense-mechanism

https://dictionary.apa.org/superiority-complex

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Twitter ー Kino [2020 Compilation]

–> This post includes all tweets posted on the official Rejet Twitter account for Kino (@DialoverKino) in 2020.

Shuu l Reiji l Ayato l Kanato l Laito l Subaru l Ruki l Kou l Yuma l Azusa l Carla l Shin

February 14, 2020 (Valentine’s Day)

> How many boxes did you get this year, Carla?

> Oh well, if you want to give me chocolates, be my guest

> Although whether I’ll eat them or not will depend on my mood at the time

March 14, 2020 (White Day)

> Marshmallows, huh?

> But I wanted konpeito. Kanato’s so inconsiderate

–> Konpeito is a traditional Japanese confectionary. They’re little colorful star-shaped candies made from sugar and often eaten together with green tea.

> I’ve come to escort you. May I have your hand, Princess?

> …Is what you want me to say, don’t you? In that case, there’s a specific kind of attitude you should show me, right?

> Come on, what should you do first? I’ll kiss you, so use that time to think. About a way to please me, that is.

April 1, 2020 (April Fools)

> I love you.

> I lied. Did I fool you?

> Just kidding~ That’s a lie too.

> Which one do you think is the truth? Which would you prefer?

May 6, 2020 

> Ahーah.

> These videos will be deleted tomorrow, huh?

> I managed to get so much hilarious footage of them as well, how boring.

> Oh well, whatever. It was fun while it lasted.

> How about you? Did you enjoy it?

June 29, 2020 (Birthday)

> My birthday’s about to end, huh? You already celebrated me in a lot of ways, but don’t you think you should finish with a bang? If you can’t think of anything, I’ll give you a suggestion. Let’s kiss until the clock strikes midnight. What do you say? This is the one day on which I’m allowed to make selfish requests after all. So end on a high note and give me the ultimate present, please?

July 7, 2020 (Tanabata)

> I forgot to open up my game one day and ruined my log-in bonus streak, you see. Could you maybe make it so that day didn’t exist? #TanabataWishes

July 17, 2020

> Uwah.

> There’s a roof leak.

> I have to inform Yuuri of this.

October 17, 2020

> No way.

> I got an insane pull. 

> Only I could get a SSR card on the first try!

> Amazing, right? Praise me!

October 23, 2020 (DL x Mayla Classic)

> Hey, hey. I’ve got a present for you so…Why don’t we play a game with it as the prize?

> I’ve hid the gift inside the bathroom, so try and look for it within the time limit. If you manage to find it, it counts as your win and I’ll give it to you.

> We’re starting right now. Ready, go!

–> Move to the bathroom

> Come on, you better hurry or you’ll run out of time!

> Aaaand stop! Time’s up!

> Ah-aah~ What a shame. You didn’t find it, huh? But I’m kind, I’ll give you a second chance.

> I actually hid it in the inner courtyard and not the bathroom. In short, no matter how hard you look, you won’t find it here.

> Don’t be mad. More importantly, hurry up and go look for it. You want this present from me, don’t you?

–> Move to the inner courtyard

> And? Did you find it? Better hurry up, time is ticking…

> Time’s up! You didn’t find it this time either. Too bad. However, I had fun watching you run around in panic.

> To tell the truth, it’s not here either. It’s actually hidden somewhere else. No hints this time. Try and find it through your own efforts.

> See you. Break a leg.

…

> Excuse me?

> The thing you are looking for is on the table in the living room. He should have simply given it to you without being such a tease, but Kino is never honest.

> It’s a present Kino finally purchased after spending several days searching various webshops. Please go and get it quickly. Well then, I’ll take my leave.

> Ah! Is this Yuuri’s doing? Which means…

–> Move to the living room

> What? You found it so easily.

> Exactly. That’s your present. Let me tell you, but I only bought it because I just so happened to feel like it. Well, anyway, I’ll give it to you.

> Ah! Of course, I’ll be taking something in return. Plenty of your blood, that is. You don’t mind, do you?

October 31, 2020 (Halloween)

> Game over. Running a Halloween’s event kinda neat but I’ve had about enough so I’ll trick you instead~ I bet you’re happy to have my attention?

November 13, 2020

> Last month we had special Halloween gacha and next month there will be Christmas ones.

> I better save up all of this month’s free points.

November 27, 2020

> I can’t believe this.

> I’m being forced to join in with this weird game.

> This is heavy, for real.

December 18, 2020

> Koーtaーtsu. Put out the kotatsu.* Getting comfortable underneath while playing games is the best feeling, don’t you think? Also, hotpot and mandarin oranges*...These are all new things to me, so you better teach me all the fun stuff.

–> Kotatsu is a thick, heated blanket which is often put underneath a small table in the living room. It isn’t uncommon for Japanese people to sit on the floor with their lower body underneath the blanket while they watch TV or even eat their meals. Both hotpot and mandarin oranges are foods which are often enjoyed during the winter time.

December 19, 2020

> Cafe dates are so boring. At least order a drink I’d enjoy. ...Eh? That one? You’re right, there’s konpeito added on top. Nice, let’s order that one! Well, you pass. But I guess this is basic knowledge since you like me so much. I’ll give you a real challenge next time, so look forward to it~

December 23, 2020

> No. I won’t let you get away.

> You’re pretty shameless, nearly losing your mind from pleasure when all I’ve done is tease you a little. You always try and feign ignorance, but you’re actually weak to this sorta stuff, aren’t you?

> Also, you like this as well, don’t you? When I whisper in your ear, dragging my fangs across...See? You’re already reacting. You’re flushed bright red all the way to your ears.

> If just words have such an effect on you, I wonder what’ll happen once I actually suck your blood? Sounds fun so I’ll put it to the test.

> Are you ready to become my toy? Entertain me with everything you’ve got.

December 24, 2020 (Christmas)

> The Christmas food and the presents were pretty fun, but you didn’t think this was the end, right? I saved the best for last. I’m going to indulge in your sugary sweet self so brace yourself. 

[whentheynameyoujoy]

So the ATLA Movie Is... Good, Actually?

Just kidding, of course it’s not, it’s so bad it sucked the paint off my walls. But after ten years of people pointing out its glaring flaws, why would anyone bother talking about this garbage heap if not to go the other direction? So here’s a very brief and very superficial list of things the movie does get kinda... not atrociously wrong.

And they won’t be fake hipster pokes, like “It’s fun to laugh at”, “The Rifftrax for this is OK”, or “Kudos to the actress for managing to say we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs with a straight face”.

(though now that I mentioned it, it is fun to laugh at, the Rifftrax for this is OK, and massive props indeed.)

Rasta Iroh

Yes, I know it’s not exactly the aesthetic of the real Iroh or that it makes no cultural sense for him to sport this do when no one else in the racebended Indian “OMFG what were you thinking Shyamalan” Nation does but goddamn, long-haired dudes are my one mortal weakness and I will ogle the hell out of him.

Jesus is that a man bun I see that’s it mum I’ve been deaded

Yue’s hair

No.

Now we’re talking. Yue’s hair turned white when the Moon spirit gave her life, so it makes sense for it to go black again when she sacrifices herself to revive the koi fish. It’s a neat detail I find myself expecting whenever I rewatch the scene in the show. Yes, I realize it’d be a pointless hassle to animate since she, unlike in the movie, immediately goes on to become the Moon herself but still. I like.

The Blue Spirit’s mop

Zuko, hun, what’s with the dance-off?

First of all, I want to imagine that Zuko the Theatre Nerd was about to leave his ship with just the mask like in the show but then stuck his head into the cleaning cupboard and went, “Yeah, more coverage might be good, even though it do seem mighty fried to shit”.

Which makes me giggle. I like to giggle.

And secondly, the hair’s movement is what makes the static mess of the Blue Spirit’s solo fight scene appear at least bit more dynamic because God knows the cinematography isn’t doing it.

Any particular reason why it’s at the edge of the action, shot all boring-like?

Now, I get why circular shots would be reserved for Aang while he’s in the practice area and then used once the two join forces. What I don’t get is why Aang’s part of the action scene has a defined visual style while Zuko’s delegated to a few stationary wide shots from afar as though he’s a tertiary goon, meaning that when the time comes to combine the respective pieces of cinema language and visually convey collaboration, there’s not really much to combine.

But as long as Zuko is stuck in this static mess, it’s that awesome disaster on his head flopping about that draws the eye, helping me understand that something even is going on over there.

It also prevents me from paying much attention to how the extras are mostly just staying put and a lot of the hits don’t land, so that’s good.

The music slaps

James Newton Howard is too good for this.

Pls ignore that the word “gods” is used in the ATLA universe

I can’t be the only one who constantly uses this piece to daydream about writing specific fanfic scenes instead of, you know, actually sitting down and writing them. It’s just so good at communicating a sense of sorrow while speaking of rebirth that I find myself getting misty-eyed whenever I listen to it. Unfailingly, the soundtrack as a whole manages to break through the mile-thick crust of horrible acting, confusing writing, and uninspired cinematography and make me feel things. And considering how everything on screen is working against it, that’s no small feat.

Imagine what a powerful experience it would be if the score was used in service of an actual movie.

Dev Patel

No wonder since he’s the only one in the film occupying that crucial intersection between “is a good actor” and “was given something to work with”. It also doesn’t hurt that he breaks with the trend of actors starring in martial arts flicks despite never having done any martial art.

And all EIP-jokes about “stiff and humorless” aside, he’s a pretty decent Zuko considering how abridged this version of the character is. A while ago, I remember hearing a reviewer say that with his comedic chops, Patel should have been cast as Sokka. And on one hand, yes, god, absolutely, I need to see that asap. But on the other? He captures all layers of Book 1!Zuko, the desperate obsession, rage, and self-loathing, and at the same time gives you a peek at the soft momma’s boy dork that’s buried underneath. For Christ sakes, he exudes intensity and ambivalence even when acting against an emotionless hunk of wood that’s giving him nothing in return.

Oh, and I guess there’s a tree in the frame.

Ba dum tss

What can I say, the guy’s good.

Showing vs telling

OK, so this movie is all tell and no show, except for one single moment. And it’s the exact moment where the original goes in the other direction in terms of how information is conveyed.

See, I never liked this. The revelation is preceded by Iroh giving advice to Zuko who scolds him for nagging. Iroh then apologizes, moves in to say the line above, and is interrupted by Zuko who seems rather uncomfortable with Iroh laying his feelings out like this. And once they’re out, Zuko verbally confirms that he knew already and Iroh didn’t need to bother.

All this extraneous information and pussyfooting ends up weakening what should be a profound scene that reveals to us, the viewers, how deep the relationship between these two in fact runs.

Compare to the movie where Dadroh acts like a parent by fussing and worrying, with Sonion needing a single look to tell him and us that he understands what it’s all really about.

It’s genuinely efficient and just good.

No Cataang

Fine, a bit mean-girl bitchy from me since I only start minding the ship in Book 3. And probably unintentional on the part of the creators since there are moments where I think they’re trying to set the romance up? There’s a, well, an attempt to recreate the famous introductory shot of fateful meaningful destiny of meaningness, there’s some slight note of saving each other’s bacon going on, I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones in the film who smile, and oh, right, Katara’s shoved into her post-canon useless role where she doesn’t ever do anything, and is all about Aang right from the get go.

Yes, I will blame the “executive producers” because a) I’m incredibly petty, and b) it’s perfectly in line with their vision of the character so why the hell not.

Hilariously, none of it reads on screen because the actors are just... yeah. These poor kids are struggling so much with delivering their own lines and portraying their own characters they don’t seem to have any strength left to create something between them. To be fair, the bare-bones shot-reverse shot style of their scenes doesn’t exactly lend itself to the idea they occupy the same universe, let alone are friends or each other’s crushes.

And I enjoy this immensely because it allows me to forget the depressing horror show Katara’s life turns into post ATLA.

Yes Zutara

I need to delve into this because it’s fucking hilarious. So in a movie which fails to establish the original’s central romance so spectacularly that if Aang got lost in a crowd I don’t believe Katara would notice, SomEOnE thought it’d be a good idea to add an utterly unnecessary non-canon moment where Zuko for some reason feels the need to pause his character-defining hunt for the Avatar which otherwise has him ignore everything and snap at everyone, and explain his central conflict to an unconscious peasant he doesn’t know, complete with gently pushing the hair from the pretty girl’s the soulmate’s the Water Tribe Ambassador’s the Fire Lady’s the love of his life’s her face away, AFTER his uncle nagged him twice to find a girl and settle down.

I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page and this is what we really saw.

Celibate Avatars

I have no idea why the decision was made, if TPTB thought expecting viewers to understand the story through the lens of Buddhism would be too much, or if the “executive producers” already worked their retconny magic. What I do know, however, is that there’s a big shift in worldbuilding and Aang’s struggle with his role as the Avatar stops being a personal conflict defined by a) his grief for Air Nomads, b) his notion of being robbed of the loved ones in his life, and c) the selfish attachment to Katara he confuses with true love. Instead, what he has a difficulty to accept is apparently a general notion of who Avatars are supposed to be, i.e. a fantasy version of Catholic monks, no family and worldly relations, period.

I guess either someone understood the original’s portrayal of de/attachment as “hermit no freaky”, or thought the audience would so why not go there outright.

Now, do I like this on its own? No, God no, it makes the world infinitely poorer and changes the story from an exploration of ideas which aren’t all that ingrained in the West, to a cliché tropester about a Catholic priest going Protestant so that he could be with a girl.

At least I assume that’s where they were going to take this eventually.

I mean, I think the direction was “look conflicted, this isn’t the final stage of your journey”?

But consider this—the show went there, it built on the concepts of Eastern philosophy and touched upon the ideas of spiritual awakening, only to swerve in the end and strongly imply they’re bullshit and Aang should have never wasted his time with them.

So honestly, I much prefer scanty worldbuilding to an insulting retcon by a damn rock.

Multiracial Air Nomads

Probably the most substantial “no hint of irony” point on this list and a genuinely good addition to the universe’s worldbuilding.

See, the notion of the elemental nations being perfectly separate and never mingling before Sozin has always been sketchy but it’s especially ridiculous in the case of airbenders. It never made sense to me for all airbenders to be Air Nomads and for all Air Nomads to be monks and for all monks to be chilling at the temples all the time to facilitate a quick everyone-dies genocide should an imperialistic warlord ever decide to commit one.

Because committing everyone to a single way of life at a handful of places kinda goes against the central philosophy behind airbending. Like the freedom and nomadism part.

Instead, there should be more variety to the airbending culture, with some staying at the temples as monks, hermits, and teachers while others live as nomads, travelling the world and creating more airbenders, with the resulting children in turn being influenced by the non-airbending cultures they grew up in.

And thus, not only should airbenders not be modeled after a single culture to create a one-size-fits-all lifestyle, but they should have the most diverse and dynamic culture out of the four nations.

And it’d be precisely this diversity which would pave way for an eventual reveal that some of them survived, that their complete extermination is impossible.

Because they’re everywhere.

You know.

Like air.

[masterthespianduchovny]

Any Philes (or Gillovnies) who enjoyed seeing David and Gillian together on Sunday please ignore the antis.

Do not allow them to shame you for enjoying David and Gillian getting along. These antis have spent years shaming and harassing people for daring to believe that Davis and Gillian get along and are friends. They claim it’s all about shipping real people, but as I can attest to myself (which I have proof of), I was like sent almost 30 hate anon stemming from a post explaining why I believe David and Gillian are friends.

I explained why they may have not got along during certain points in the original run, but ultimately they got along and have become closer since then. Various examples were used to back up my assertion. Antis got so upset they sent, again, almost 30 hate anons. Only like three of them were neutral or in agreement with me.

This is legit not an exaggeration.

Gillian’s post yesterday blew their whole belief system apart. They claimed that Gillian didn’t like David and that she only associated with him for either the x files or to promote a charity. They said we were making up shit to say they get along and that Gillian was grossed out by him.

Again, this was because people said they were FRIENDS.

Then, yesterday happened and now it’s, 1. “I don’t know why people are losing their shit, David was visiting a friend.” Or, 2. “You guys are being weird about David visiting Gillian.” And, also, 3. “fans needs to quit that shipper shit, they’re ruining a good pic.” 4. “I hate that Gillian is friends with him, she doesn’t know the truth about him.”

Although I’m Gillovny as fuck, I was just happy to see they got along. I was vindicated after what antis tried to put me through and all the shit they put others through. Gillian’s post utterly destroyed their bullshit and claims of rationality/objectivity.

As far as the antis remarks about this visit:

1. They HAVE to admit that David and Gillian are friends because there’s no other way to explain David’s visit. As far as we know, there aren’t any plans for live action x files, they have no active projects to promote, and David is against appearing with Gillian in non x files projects.

So, if they aren’t friends and they aren’t working together, that’s means they’re fucking or dating, right? In this situation, friendship is the lesser evil and they’d be delusional to pretend they aren’t friends at this point.

But it’s not enough to acknowledge that they’re friends, they have to downplay it like it’s no big deal as if the narrative that they hate each other hasn’t been peddled since the fucking 90s.

I mean, what fan wouldn’t rejoice at the fact that two actors with mad chemistry actually get along?

However, antis have to downplay it just to subtly stress and imply that this is a friendship and nothing more. Just because we were right about this doesn’t mean some Gillovnies are right that there may be something more (even if it’s just emotionally), which the confirmed friendship now makes them believe we may be on to something.

2. Most weren’t being weird about David visiting Gillian. However, it’s a pretty big deal because they famously only took professional/work related photos together. How many personal pics have we seen of them. And they spent years talking about how they don’t really hang out and barely text/email each other. Why can’t we squee on the people we care about hanging out?

3. Most fans didn’t bring up Gillovny and, even if they did, it’s a part of life for them at this point. I’d argue that many of the fans who do bring it up are casual fans and don’t mean to be malicious. Most fans don’t keep up with their dating lives. Last year, I just found out that a phile thought David and Gillian were married because Tea and Gillian kinda look alike. Most don’t know Gillian’s dating history, that she and Peter broke up, or about the girlfriend that David hasn’t claimed despite being involved with her for years. Antis find reasons to be upset, and then blame it on excited fans or Gillovnies because they’re upset that we were right about something they swear wasn’t true.

4. Unless you actually had personal dealing with David or a trusted person you know was, a random fan on the internet will never know David more than Gillian. Whatever allegations y’all want to level at him during his x files days, she likely knows about. There aren’t many secrets in Hollywood, so if you know something and believe it, Gillian likely knows as well. No people don’t always know everything about a person, but people in Hollywood love to gossip. There’s no way Gillian could be friends with David and she somehow doesn’t know about the allegedly bad things he did.

Antis also love to lean on remarks given by Dean Hanglund (???), William b Davis, and pat skipper to prove David and Gillian hated each other. All while overlooking Kim Manners (who spoke on record about their connection), Mitch Pileggi, and other people who have said the opposite.

You have the Mark Mann photoshoot where Mark described the event from beginning to end and it was a glowing assessment of their dynamic, which antis claim was “PR.” You also have Jimmy Kimmel who initially observed how well they got along off camera, noticed it again on camera, remarked on it, and then flat out asked them, “what’s going on with you two?”

You have various celebrities, people who know or have come in contact with them, liking and commenting on shit regarding their relationship. I don’t mean this romantically just in general.

There is way more evidence supporting the fact that they got along and are friends (now) than this idea that they hate each other. I’m not saying they’ve never butted heads and fought, however, I think their relationship shouldn’t be defined by the moments they didn’t get along. These two worked long hour days together and became famous at the same time all while isolated in Vancouver together. Cut them some slack.

Keep in mind, their “dark days” came around the time where, in addition to long shooting days, they also shot a movie at the same time! Yeah, they didn’t get along at times before then, but they were some workhorses for Chris!

I do find Orlando Jones’ place in this hilarious and intriguing. We know for a fact that he worked with David and may even be friends with him. Also. he may have worked with Gillian or come into contact with her. They had roles on the same show, but didn’t share scenes together. The fact that he openly ships them is intriguing because of his proximity to them and he’s a professional actor. Orlando likes to have fun and can be trollish at times, but not maliciously.

The fact that he openly ships Gillovny and hasn’t been told to stop is fascinating. I don’t think he’s been told to stop because Orlando has good relationships in Hollywood and doesn’t seem the type of overstep boundaries. So either he’s having good fun with it and doesn’t believe it OR he wants something to happen and likes being involved in the fan shipping. And that tells me either David (and Gillian) don’t have a problem when he does it and/or he sees/hears things we haven’t and wishes they’d get together. 🤔

Ultimately, don’t listen to antis because they’re upset as fuck right now and most of us are just enjoying the content and having a good time. :) don’t let them think we’re doing anything wrong for loving the pics that were released for us to enjoy.

[evilwickedme]

ok so to sum up my feelings for leverage: redemption, season 1(a): (long post warning, there’s a tl;dr at the end)

I knew that Hardison wouldn’t be in most of the season due to Aldis Hodge being a busy bee nowadays, but I didn’t realize that meant he’d only be around for the first two episodes. He was sorely missed, not only because of my attachment to him, but also because he’s usually the grounding factor in the group dynamic, and his role as info guy and tech guy was split evenly between two characters who had their own issues.

That said, Hardison is absolutely a highlight of the two episodes he’s in. his speech about redemption was everything I could’ve hoped for (plus, more evidence for the Jewish!Hardison pile...). I wish we’d gotten to see more of his dynamic with Breanna because what we saw was funny and sweet and we don’t generally get to see Hardison taking care of somebody who so desperately needs taking care of. I hope that Aldis Hodge is around for more episodes in 1(b), because what we’re left with feels a little hollow.

Sticking to original leverage characters for now, for the most part the leverage crew still felt true to the original series as characters, even if the show itself was a little bit confused at times. The actors understand their characters and embody them so well that I think one could give them the trashiest script ever and they’d still sell it. Sophie is a particular focus in 1(a) because of Nate’s death, and she’s particularly well written as a result.

That said, I’m super bitter that we saw little to no mastermind!Parker. Parker’s character being given the mastermind role was a big deal and it feels like they’re walking it back because they feel uncomfortable with it. It is eventually given an in-text excuse, but literally in the last episode, and it was not a particularly convincing reason, and in fact contradicted moments from previous episodes (Sophie leaving for a client meeting and ignoring Parker in ep3 comes to mind). It’s frustrating, it makes the end of the original leverage feel pointless, and letting Parker make a decision once in a while is not the same thing at all. The original series repeatedly showed us that while everyone in the team had their strengths, Parker works problems and solves them in unique, interesting ways, and other characters’ days in the limelight tended to be comedic or even failures. It’s a broken promise, and a pretty major broken promise at that.

On a more positive note, Parker’s dynamic with literally everyone was fantastic. She’s possibly the best written character this season. They’ve taken the autism out of the subtext and into the text (although obviously still undiagnosed), and given her coping mechanisms that were taken seriously in the text even when they were played for laughs, which I appreciated. Her attempts to mentor Breanna were sweet, her friendship with Sophie was electric and at times (CRIMES) hilarious, and as usual, she has a fantastic dynamic with Eliot that makes my heart burst. If you don’t think they’re romantically involved, at least acknowledge there’s a life partnership here. They’ve spent the last decade together.

(We’ll get to Harry.)

Eliot isn’t given much arc-wise, which is frustrating since he’s my favorite. He’s being presented as the goal at the end of a redemption arc, ie to keep working at it every day until your soul heals or whatever, and it doesn’t reflect the message they’re trying to convey via Hardison’s speech and our two new characters. He’s got his moments, but I think they under utilized his potential.

Breanna!!! Breanna’s my new favorite, except for Eliot. She’s hilarious, she’s insecure, she’s nerdy and excited in a way that’s similar to Hardison but still distinct in its inherent teenage-girl-ness and I LOVE IT. Unlike the previous series, where Hardison’s “age of the geek” was often a joke played on Hardison, we’re at the point where Eliot and Parker are both right there with him, and so they accept and even appreciate Breanna’s nerdiness. Also, canon gay character? In YOUR Leverage? It’s more likely than you think.

(No, I never thought they’d make ot3 canon on screen. I hoped, but I didn’t think it would actually happen.)

I think Breanna’s the character that will be the most interesting to see grow. She’s got a lot of potential and a list of crimes a mile long (or more). I adore her with all my heart. I want to see her tiktok account.

Harry. Oh, Harry.

It took me a while, but I do like Harry. It took a while, because the narrative positioned him at the same level as Nate back in episode 1 of original Leverage. But in episode 1 we didn’t know the other characters. We had Nate as the POV character, and so we cared about him because we were seeing the world through his eyes. (This is TV Studies 101. I know this, because I took TV Studies 101 in 2019.) In Leverage: Redemption, we no longer have a POV character, for several reasons:

Nate, previously the POV character, is dead.

As it is, by mid-season 3 of leverage Nate was no longer a POV character. This is, coincidentally, the point where the leverage writers realized they had four other characters in the main cast they could do something with, and in-universe, Nate accepted that he was a thief, not a special Good Man.

Sophie is sort of a POV character for the first episode of the revival, but only for the first few minutes. Afterwards, the series settles into the groove of seasons 3-5, i.e., the entire crew is our POV. We know our crew, and we love them as is.

Narratively, however, Redemption insists on positing Harry as the POV character, because it is his redemption we are pursuing most vehemently. And I think they really relied on us already knowing the actor - I’ve never seen him in anything before, so to me he was a completely fresh face and they put almost no effort into selling him to me. Beyond being competent and consistently mildly baffled by the antics of the leverage crew, I honestly don’t know who this man is by the end of EIGHT episodes with him. I have a much better handle on Breanna by the end of 1(a), and I can tell you I knew all five of the original leverage crew better by the end of the first episode of the original series than I do Harry. What’s the name of his daughter, John Rogers. Is he still married. How old is the daughter. Why is none of this worth mentioning. Give him a sense of humor that isn’t reacting to other people’s shenanigans. I’m so frustrated. It’s bad writing.

I did manage to grow to like Harry by the end, but I’m pretty sure this is down to Noah Wyle’s charismatic portrayal of an under-developed character, at least partially. And I never stopped being frustrated at not knowing who this man is at all.

The two highlights of the season are undoubtedly episodes five and six. Episode five was the first time I felt like the episode was more than a collection of good moments between the main cast and mediocre moments between the main cast and also the main plot. The issues with pacing and tone that I suffered through for most of the season were mostly non-existent in ep5 and 6, and at least in episode 5 I attribute that to the pared down cast. They had time to focus not only on our actual characters - Sophie, Parker, Breanna - but also on the case. This is the only client from 1(a) I am going to remember next week without googling it first, mark my words.

Episode six worked for the exact opposite reason - it completely disregarded the client and plot and immersed itself in the characters. Breanna gets a moment to shine, but everybody else gets their bits and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the script that was most fun to write. The characters felt natural, real, and captured the found-family dynamic that’s been missing all season for the first time.

While episode 2 is the weakest episode, I don’t actually have much to say about it. I am disappointed in episode 8. For a mid-season finale, I really expected them to do something. Instead, it was an episode about Nate Ford that copped out of being about Nate Ford (both with fake-Nate and with the new version of him being relayed to us). I would have told the writers to give that energy back to episode 1 and write an episode that’s about anybody who isn’t Harry, oh my God. I know I said I grew to like him but so many episodes were about Harry. He’s the newbie! Why didn’t Hardison get an episode that was actually about him, considering he was only around for two episodes? Why does Eliot have to be the butt of the joke when the theme of the series should directly tie back to him in a much more meaningful way? The last episode parodies their own tagline by saying Eliot isn’t just a hitter, but it deftly avoids noticing that they’ve turned him into nothing more than very muscly comic relief, including in that very episode!

Also, I hated the Marshal. Eliot actively looked uncomfortable around her.

tl;dr

The season took a while, that’s definitely true. But it did find its footing eventually, and by the halfway mark of 1(a) it finally felt cohesive again. The characters were played fantastically even when they weren’t well-written, and if nothing else, the humor landed every time. It still has its kinks and problems to work out, but if you look at it as a brand new show rather than a continuation of one that went off the air over eight years ago, it’s actually doing rather well. I’m choosing to judge it in both lights - according to its own standards, it establishes its identity in episode five; according to Leverage standards, it establishes its connection to its roots in episode six. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed 1(a), and continue to have high hopes for 1(b).

fic writing will commence in three, two, one...

[elizabeth-mitchells]

Andy and Quynh One Shots - #101

Chapters: 101/101 Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020), The Old Guard (Comics) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Andy | Andromache the Scythian/Quynh | Noriko Characters: Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Quynh | Noriko, Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Additional Tags: Immortal Wives Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Immortality, One Shot Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Tumblr Prompt, Originally Posted on Tumblr, just... A LOT of Andy and Quynh, it's what they deserve, it's what we deserve Words: 63518

"Just you and me." "Until the end."

Three thousand years of love, and more. All the little moments of joy, pain, adoration, and yearning. Andy and Quynh, all through history, all over the world, always in love.

Chapter 101: I'm here, at the beginning of the end, the end of infinity with you (teasing Andy for being old)

At first, Andy didn’t even think twice about it. She could be in the middle of a training session with Quynh and after landing a particularly good punch, Quynh smirked and said, “You’re getting too old, my heart” or “Age has made you slow, Andromache.” It was fine. In fact, it was good, and meant to be affectionate. She had been saying things like that in every language known to man for almost as long as the two of them had known each other. Which, really, was an eternity in itself. It was a little detail that Andy was glad to experience again after such a long separation. Their love was something capable of always growing and never changing at its core. However, little changes were unavoidable. And now that their family was bigger, it was just a matter of time before some harmless, affectionate teasing would get out of hand.

The three of them were sitting on the couch watching a movie and almost as soon as it ended Andy was out of her seat and stretching.

“Where are you going?” Quynh wondered with a slight pout.

Nile added, “We can still watch another!”

Andy scoffed, “I’m exhausted, I’m going to bed.” Without waiting for further approval she started walking toward the room she shared with Quynh.

Quynh, who wasn’t exactly happy to lose the shoulder she was comfortably leaning against during the movies. “I get it, you’re too old for this,” she called after her lover’s retreating figure. Andy shook her head fondly, and smiled because the others couldn’t see her. But there was just something about how loudly Nile laughed at that joke that just sparked a hint of worry in the older woman’s mind. She tried to ignore it, as long as she could.

--

A few days later, after a couple of minutes of lying awake in bed, Andy turned to her side and happily devoted herself to trailing feather-light kisses on Quynh’s bare shoulders to get her to wake up. Her fingertips were starting to dance in secret patterns on the soft skin of the other woman’s back, when Andy’s ministrations were interrupted by Quynh, who quickly moved so she could capture Andy’s lips with her own and give her a real good morning kiss. Though, after pulling back, she went back to lying on her stomach and said, “I know you’re old, my heart, but do you have to wake up this early?”

“Excuse me?” Andy laughed, not at the joke, precisely. But there was just something too sweet about the sight of Quynh, unable to hold back a smile, even if trying to hide her face in the pillow, but stubbornly keeping her eyes closed.

“Let me sleep!” Quynh mumbled against her pillow, and she had to bravely accept a kiss on the cheek, but she was finally granted extra time to sleep.

Still wearing a content smile on her face, Andy walked to the kitchen. She was half-way through her first cup of coffee, which she almost dropped, when Nile walked into the kitchen and without even looking Andy in the eyes said, “My grandma used to wake up before everyone else too.”

--

Soon enough, their teasing became a constant in their lives.

“I don’t get it,” Nile complained, dropping her head in a book written in Russian and groaning loudly. 

“It’s not that difficult!” Andy insisted, in perfect Russian.

Nile, assuming what she’d just said, protested, “You only say that because you’re older than the entire language.”

“That’s complicated,” Andy grumbled, still in Russian.

“No, she’s right, darling, you’re that old,” Quynh blurted out in matching Russian, with a few struggles, from her place reading a different book a few feet away on the couch.

After Nile burst out laughing, Andy looked at her with a frown, “Oh so that you understand?!”

--

Even during moments that could have been emotionally difficult, Andy was caught off guard by the ruthlessness of the women around her.

“We can’t do it, it’s too risky,” Andy insisted, about a new sketchy mission offered to them that the youngest member of the family was determined to take, “Listen, Nile…”

“What? I’ll get it when I’m older… than civilization?” Nile crossed her arms defensively, as if that could hide the hint of a smile showing in her lips.

Quynh absolutely failed to stifle a laugh. And when she received a pointed look from her wife, she returned the expression in kind and said, “Was that not the point of whatever you were about to say?”

“We are not taking this job,” Andy stated through clenched teeth, right before learning a valuable piece of information about the mission that they would, in the end, take and successfully complete.

--

“Nile!” Andy yelled, kicking open the door of their latest safe house and storming into the living room. “Nile!”

“What did she do now, and why didn’t she include me?” Quynh walked out of the kitchen with a proud grin already in place.

“Our fake identities just arrived,” Andy grumbled. “Take a look.”

Quynh hummed as she took in her hands the handful of passports Andy passed her. She glanced at them, but found nothing out of the ordinary. “What's the problem, my love? You look frighteninly pretty, as always.”

Although she was still frowning profusely, during a second, a smile broke out on Andy’s face. But then, “She did it on purpose! Look at my age!”

This time, Quynh bit her lip to hold back her smile. After taking a closer look at the passport, she looked up with a small smirk and a playfully raised eyebrow, “Fifty?”

“Fifty!” Andy exclaimed, outraged. “I’ve never been fifty! Fucking fifty! How does she dare-”

“Andromache!” Quynh was openly laughing then. “You are thousands of years old!” When her lover attempted to turn away from her in a rage, Quynh dropped the passports and quickly wrapped her arms around Andy’s waist and hugged her close. “Come on, it’s not a big deal! You don’t look a day over forty eight.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Andy scoffed, but when she turned around to kiss Quynh, there was a small smile on her face.

--

“Quynh! Please tell this crazy old woman to give me back my phone!” Nile stormed into the safe house.

She was quickly followed by Andy saying “We have rules about social media, Nile! To keep us safe.”

Quynh strolled into the living room with a smile on her face that everyone else might have assumed was patient or gentle, but Andy knew it was the kind of smile that brought trouble for her specifically. “Nile, you have to understand,” Quynh said slowly, “She’s too old for this kind of thing.”

As she finished talking, Quynh reached out to take Nile’s phone, Andy quickly blocked her attempt and laughed, “Are you serious?” It started an impressive duel where they fought for the cellphone, with Quynh coming out as the winner for being just slightly quicker, something she would probably remind Andy of for years.

“It’s just a different generation,” Quynh continued to laugh, tossing the phone over to the younger woman a second before Andy threw her arms around her.

“You’re literally older than everyone else in our family combined!” Andy protested as the two of them playfully wrestled in the middle of the living room.

“And you are twice as old as me!” Quynh replied, followed by a yelp of surprise as the love of her life lifted her up from the floor.

The two of them only stopped fighting when they noticed a flash coming from the camera of Nile’s phone. “Hm, you’re both right,” Nile smirked, quickly sending the hilarious picture to their family’s groupchat, “The two of you are ancient.”

Nile walked away from them, leaving behind two women wearing shocked expressions, though Andy was delighted, and Quynh appeared deeply betrayed. “Hey!” Quynh tried to protest, but she was happily interrupted by a kiss from Andy, who a moment later started tickling her, just to start their loving battle all over again.

[magioftheseas]

Gundham & Yasuke

Summary: The Forbidden Tanaka’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. YES.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language and blood/injuries.

Notes: Unsurprisingly, Tanaka was the winner of the poll for which FTEs were to be done next. So his FTEs, quite hilariously, are getting posted on the anniverary date for sdr2′s initial release. That feels pretty...fitting. Writing Tanaka’s dialogue was really hard but I did my best. Despite my best efforts, these two don’t get along the best that they could. Cursed.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

It went without saying that he didn’t have a normal middle school experience so he didn’t interact with a lot of people who exhibited the so-called eighth-grader syndrome. But he knew that once kids had the cognitive ability to identify their lot in life and long for more, such desires could get...twisted, to say the least.

Just about everyone wants to be fucking special if they’re not too focused on surviving. And most people grew ashamed of the lofty aspirations and special interests they developed in that delicate era. Matsuda understood that much, even if he was considerably detached from it. In some ways, those people were like animals. Strange beasts that acted on impulses and instincts. That still had intelligence but not, like, awareness. When it came to engaging with these types, Matsuda had no choice but to accept them even as he shook his head at their delusions of grandeur.

He understands he’s supposed to do that in theory.

In practice, however...

“Sharp-tongued fool!” Tanaka bellowed. “You draw too near to the barrier of the Ice Kingdom!”

It’s a beautiful day outside. It’s always a beautiful fucking day. Clear, sunny sky. Warm but with a pleasant breeze to keep it from being too sweltering. It’s such a nice day—and Matsuda Yasuke does not want to be here.

Without another word, he turns on his heel.

“Aha!” Tanaka sneered. “To think just the warning prose would be enough to make you turn tail and run. A cowardice I did not expect, but perhaps... I should have.”

While walking away and listening to that guy cackle to himself, all Matsuda had in response was to flip him off.

He proceeded to avoid Tanaka for the rest of the day—and would’ve avoided him for the rest of his life had fate not had something else in store.

--

It was another beautiful day. The perfect day for a walk. He was thinking by the ranch so that he could admire the chickens as he passed. Unfortunately, he not only came across chickens but also the cow that used to be a chicken he quite liked.

Also Tanaka Gundam.

And their eyes ended up meeting.

There’s no real point in reasoning with someone who exhibits grandiose delusions, he reminded himself. It’s no good to denounce them, but it’s also no good to enable them. It’s a delicate line that I do not want to fucking bother with.

Matsuda does look away, intent on ignoring the other. Despite that resolve, his thoughts don’t shut up.

I didn’t have any peers in middle school for obvious reasons. I never actually spoke to someone my own age who felt this way. I was too busy being fixated on my own goals and lofty aspirations.

A couple of steps forward. It’s fine. If he continued the way he was already going, he can just pass Tanaka. It’d be easy. Simple.

...

Fuck.

He pauses. He turns. Tanaka has already turned away, but as if guided by the third sense of a fucking Evil All-Seeing Eye, he turns back to Matsuda. His brow quirks.

“Has the barrier truly weakened so?”

“I don’t know,” Matsuda replied intelligently. “For some reason, I feel too worn down to go through the effort of pretending you don’t exist.”

Tanaka cackled lowly.

“Such an insolent remark. It seems you do not truly know your place. But that is just as well. Even now, your true name is one that seems out of my grasp.”

“I’m Matsuda Yasuke. Nice to meet you.”

Tanaka clicked his tongue, scowling at Matsuda’s blank expression and his deadpan tone.

“That,” he snarled. “Is merely a brush against the surface. It does not encompass the deepest depths of your rogue soul.”

Alright. So he wants to know what makes me tick. If I had to guess.

“Your true name,” Tanaka requested impatiently. “I have no need for superficial titles.”

“That’s cold,” Matsuda huffed. “The name my mom gave me isn’t superficial.”

...even if it is ironic.

For some reason, Tanaka does perk up. He gives a nod of approval.

“A fair retort,” he concedes. “That maternal bond is its own scarring shackle.”

That admission was the first true crack in the wall between them. Or so Matsuda supposed, and he felt himself slip just a little bit further.

What a headache...

“Anyway,” he went on with a wave of his hand. “It’d be incredibly foolish to give you my true name, right? If telling a demon my name gives them possession of my soul and telling them my birthday gives them control of my life... Then telling someone like you...”

Tanaka nodded again, grinning so widely it was damn near grotesque.

“I see...the sharp-tongued fool is still retaining a sharp mind...”

I shouldn’t have played along even in jest. Fuck.

“What special abilities do you possess?” Tanaka purrs, drawing closer now. “What hidden capabilities have you acquired?”

Tanaka stalks even closer, his eyes are flashing with curiosity and hunger. Probably because this fucking weirdo wouldn’t understand a normal interaction if it bit him in the face.

I still hate that stare. I fucking hate that stare.

“You already know that,” Matsuda snapped, forcing himself to stay relaxed. “Neurology is my talent. You even know my name and birthday because of those damn student files...”

Calm down, calm down. It’s just fucking Tanaka—

Tanaka does halt. His head tilts quizzically.

“Hmph.” With nostrils flaring, Tanaka seemed to duck into his own scarf. “I suppose you are human after all.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Simple.” Tanaka chuckled. “I sensed your apprehension, Matsuda Yasuke. I sensed—and yet, I could tell it was not a chill brought about by the Ice Kingdom.”

Matsuda does flinch at that.

“I shall take my leave for now so that you may re-gather your peace,” Tanaka declared. “Till next time, sharp-tongued fool.”

Tanaka gave him a salute. Matsuda barely had a chance to wave back before Tanaka flipped his scarf and coat so that it would dramatically billow behind him as he made his overly dramatic exit. So fucking extra, and yet—

He left so that I could take the time to calm down.

And how the hell was he supposed to feel about that?

--

“Even now, I can hear the crackling of the Ice Kingdom’s barrier.” Tanaka was cackling. Another beautiful day. Yet somehow this weirdo was set on shrouding himself in asinine mystery as well as his own dark layers. How the hell was he not burning up?

Tanaka noticed his staring and merely smirked. “What brings you today, Matsuda Yasuke?”

Aah. Even with that pompous fucking tone, it’s an understandable question.

“I don’t like things to be unbalanced,” he said which was a bald-faced lie but sounded persuasive enough. “Since you interrogated me last time, I thought I’d ask you a few questions of my own.”

“Hmph!” Tanaka snorted. “You seek a comprehension that may underlie a deep terror that cannot be contained! Do you not fear for your sanity?”

“No, I’m insane already,” Matsuda said flatly. “I drove myself insane years ago.”

“Is that SO?!” Tanaka boomed, incredulous or admiring, Matsuda wasn’t sure. “Your humanity is one that only hangs by a thread, then?!”

I...can’t disagree with that, huh.

Matsuda shrugged.

“We’re not supposed to be talking about me. Let’s talk about you.”

Tanaka remained guarded but gave a nod.

“Very well. Demi-human or no, I shall not lose to you.”

That’s more like it. You’re much less annoying this way.

“What talents do you have?” he settles on since it’s only fair. “Even if it’s not the full roster, I’d like to know some...special abilities.”

“You shall only get a portion,” Tanaka said, sniffing. “Despite my appearance, I’m an active fiend. Between sorcery and human hunting, I manage my website.”

Matsuda blinked, trying to imagine this guy at a computer. Actually, it was really easy to imagine. There’s no way Tanaka learned to talk like an edgelord on his own.

I bet he spends a lot of time looking up stupid shit like Norse mythology. But, if he has a website, then...

“I have encrypted my research with magic,” Tanaka informed him. “Thus, only those worthy can gain access.”

...if he means through password then I could probably hack in with ease.

“If I had to guess what kind of research it was,” Matsuda mused. “Then—probably something like a pet diary, right?”

There were a series of muffled squeaks from Tanaka’s scarf. Tanaka burst into a boisterous boom of laughter.

“Even with your wits, you would only be able to access the dummy site!” Tanaka grinned victoriously, even though no conflict had taken place. “Your skill level would only open the gates of the Exciting Breeding Journal.”

“...Alright. That’s fine by me.”

You’re literally here because of your talent in animal husbandry.

“Favorite food?” Matsuda asked next. Tanaka stiffened. Growled, even. Because he was pissed off about getting such a lukewarm response? Matsuda didn’t bother inquiring, instead pressing, “Do you have one?”

“The orange melon that bears the face of the devil,” Tanaka huffed, put out. “No other food compares in terms of high nutrients or versatility in cooking methods. More importantly, its seeds are the most effective food source for my Four Dark Devas of Destruction.”

...a pumpkin. He’s talking about a pumpkin, right?

“However! Those seeds must be carefully washed, carefully dried, carefully peeled,” Tanaka rambled on. “And lightly fried.”

“How meticulous,” Matsuda muttered. “But nothing less for...them.”

“Indeed. A difficulty that beguiles pain and pleasure alike matters not in the face of a grand purpose.”

I can agree with that even if I hate how it’s worded.

“There is more when it comes to the caring of beasts,” Tanaka rumbled. “Shall I lead you deeper?”

“Uh.” Matsuda waved his hand. “Next time. Let’s talk more next time.”

Tanaka gave him a truly wicked grin. For once, it actually felt malicious.

“Take as much time you need to prepare yourself, sharp-tongued fool.”

Matsuda made a face but bit his tongue.

Piece of shit.

--

Tanaka wasn’t out and about today at the ranch. He wasn’t in the diner, either. It went to reason that he was likely in his cottage.

It’s only because I found some pumpkin seeds that I’m even going...

When he knocked on the door, he found it unlocked. Since he wasn’t an animal, he was going to wait for Tanaka to answer the door rather than barge in but...

“Ku—!”

He heard a noise. A sharp, strangled sound that was undeniably made through gritted teeth. Matsuda opened the door immediately.

“Is everything alright?”

And indeed—Tanaka was holding his bloodied hand in a death grip. The hamsters were chirping and chittering, but unaffected. What happened was clear, especially in how Tanaka’s shoulders were hunched.

Thankfully, Matsuda carried around packets of wet wipes. He rummaged through his pocket for one, stepping forward and reaching out.

“Let me...”

“NO!” Tanaka shrieked, and like a startled beast he scrambled away from his hand. He was panting, still gripping his injury with a wide and wild-eyed stare. Seeing Matsuda there did little to calm him down, as he growled, “The blood that flows through my veins bears a fearsome curse. You must step away now to spare yourself their potency.”

Thankfully, Matsuda carried around disposable gloves. He slipped them on, tearing the wet wipe packet open, and made his way closer.

“Come on. We really don’t want that bite to get infected.”

“This is not my first blood sacrifice,” Tanaka snarled, even showing his teeth. Gross. “I have no need for your medical sorcery. And furthermore, that meager covering...!”

“Oh my fucking god, shut the hell up.” Matsuda snatched up his hand, prying the other off as Tanaka shrieked some more. Thankfully, Matsuda was able to pull it away and got to work dabbing and cleaning the wound. Tanaka had completely frozen now, but Matsuda was still fuming.

“Don’t ever fucking call me meager,” he snapped, and thankfully Tanaka had spare clean bandages for him to re-wrap his hand with. “Crude and foolish I’ll take. Meager I won’t.”

Tanaka finally scoffed as Matsuda made sure the bandaging was secure.

“A demi-human like you has such pride.”

Look who’s fucking talking.

“You should not have endangered yourself, however,” Tanaka went on. “I was not telling falsehoods about my poisonous blood. It is only by a thread that you have not already deteriorated. As crude and foolish as you are, I do not desire your demise.”

“I’ve dealt with my fair share of poison, so you’re worrying too much,” Matsuda replied but winced from a sudden headache. As he rubbed removed his gloves to rub his temples, Tanaka stood up.

“You once again face the ramifications for your hubris!” he exclaimed and rushed back to deal with his hamsters. “I grant you relief, and I advise you to take your leave immediately.”

“I’m fucking fine, it’s just a migraine,” Matsuda griped and disposed of the gloves and wipes. “Should you really be handling those hamsters again so soon?”

“They are not mere hamsters!” Tanaka bellowed. “The fangs I have taken are that of the Crimson Steel Elephant, Maga-Z!”

Maga-Z blinked its bright beady eyes at Matsuda.

“For the sake of the Invading Black Dragon, Cham-P,” Tanaka went to coo over the largest hamster which was orange, not black. “A golden demon, one who understands fear all too well... Much attention should be heeded to make sure they do not get overly stressed out... While many devil beasts of this ilk are aggressive and fearfully territorial, the golden variant is the most docile and intelligent. They recognize me as...”

He trails off. It’s as if he’s too moved to speak.

I have heard hamsters had an unnaturally high rate of cannibalism, Matsuda thought. But I suppose like with dog breeds, they come in all sizes...and temperaments...

It was obvious Tanaka knew his shit, being an Ultimate at all. But seeing it firsthand, watching him dote on the beasts with a cottage interior largely dedicated to their cage and tube, the guy definitely loved animals. Like, a lot. Despite his delusions of grandeur, he at least seemed to love animals a healthy, non-obsessive amount.

“They’re living well,” Matsuda commented blandly.

Tanaka scoffed at him.

“For demons that live a mere 1095 days, the luxuries in life mean everything. I would never settle for less.”

“I see...” He scuffed the end of his shoe against the wooden floor. “That’s good.”

Shouldn’t have worn open-toed shoes, but I don’t have any alternatives. Oh, right.

“I got pumpkin seeds.” He tossed the bag and it landed on Tanaka’s lap. The hamsters jumped, and even Tanaka flinched. Matsuda, however, turned on his heel. “Sorry. Bye.”

With that insincere apology, he headed out. He could feel a disproving stare on his back but that didn’t lessen his steps in the slightest.

--

His favorite chicken-turned-cow was in a good mood today. She was accepting pets and even nipping at his fingers. All he had on him was candy. Not any fruit much less hay although...

“If you plan to feed that creature, you should be wary of apples,” Tanaka rumbled from behind. Where the fuck he came from, Matsuda wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t surprised to be hearing from him. “You can risk over-eating which will cause a bloated stomach for the animal.”

“Ah, thanks for the advice,” Matsuda said sincerely, turning back and frowning when he noticed the other’s own hanging head. “What’s with the long face?”

“I would hope that you do not consider that creature to be your familiar, Matsuda Yasuke,” Tanaka murmured sullenly and solemnly. Like he had come across something truly pitiful to the point of depressing.

Although he seems more focused on the cow itself...

“I don’t have a familiar,” Matsuda huffed.

Tanaka quirks an eyebrow at him. Furrows it, even, as if Matsuda is the one not making sense. How seriously annoying. But rather than inquire further, Tanaka just shakes his head.

“Creatures like that one are born to be slaughtered,” he said, turning on his heel. “What a wretched fate, one that cannot be escaped even with the use of the Evil All-Seeing Eye. If one is to form a bond with such an unfortunate beast, they will invite only calamity.”

“That’s...” Not necessarily true. There is livestock out there allowed to live full lives. But they’re exceptions that prove the rule, I suppose. And the fact that I even thought to use a word like allowed... “Woof.”

Tanaka barked back. “This sentimentality only arose because I have not encountered any new beasts. I shall go searching as to put my mind at ease.”

He walked on, and Matsuda found himself following. Tanaka didn’t seem to mind at all. The opposite, in fact.

“There are many creatures I’ve tamed, sharp-tongued one,” Tanaka went on to say. “The Cerberus. The Phoenix. Even then Midgardian Serpent.”

Looks like I was right on the money about him looking up Norse shit. That’s just another fucking word for Earth, asshole. I’ve read enough shitty fantasy manga to know.

“I saw a toucan one time,” he commented in lieu of verbalizing his thoughts. “And I guess there are the seagulls. Or those mascots.”

“Those uncute fiends cannot be trusted with their speech,” Tanaka hissed. “As for the others... Ah, the ravenous, feathered beasts.” Tanaka nodded sagely with approval at that one. “They are a perilous project as they are quite fearless and impulsive. Even when greater threats arise, they gather like a court waiting to hand down judgment.”

I think...that’s more something that crows do rather than seagulls.

He does think about it though, birds judging one another. If he looked up, he’d even see a seagull or two soar overhead. A phrase rose to his mind, unbidden.

When the seagulls cry...

“Hm?” Tanaka paused when he noticed that Matsuda had stopped dead in his tracks. He turned, and whatever expression was on Matsuda’s face—whatever that was had Tanaka clicking his tongue. “What is on your mind?”

“Something stupid,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “Even in peaceful times, I can’t help but worry about how easily things fall apart. Sometimes for something as petty as a broken promise.”

Is it speech alone that gives us the means of betraying one another?

Tanaka did stiffen.

“It sure is fortunate for us that we’ve yet to deal with any storms,” Matsuda went on to say. “In fact, it’s perfect weather every single day. Isn’t that strange? It almost doesn’t feel real, and if it’s not real... Does anything that happens here matter?” He paused again. “Like I said. It’s stupid.”

“Your inane ponderings still have an air of malice,” Tanaka muttered darkly.

Huh.

“Are you saying I’m someone to be on guard around?” He cracked a dry smile. “I’m not that fucking interested in messing with people. I just lack patience.”

Tanaka gave him a look. Wordlessly, he shook his head.

“I think... I will seek solace elsewhere. Do not follow me.”

Matsuda didn’t. Simply watched the other go. It might’ve been one of those annoying situations where the person was saying the exact opposite of what they wanted, but even if he could tell that was the case, he still wouldn’t have followed.

After all.

He lacked patience.

--

Tanaka seemed especially moody today. Although no matter how sullen his air was, the island sun wouldn’t let up in the slightest. In a way, that was pretty cruel, right? In that much light, it made it difficult to hide. Or something like that.

Wonder what he’s being so fucking temperamental about...

Matsuda makes his way over, waving as he does. He stops, however, when Tanaka regards him coldly.

“Matsuda Yasuke,” he rumbled in a gravelly tone of voice. “The sharp-tongued fool whose practices engage in the constitution of the mind... Would you like to duel?”

Huh?

Matsuda dropped his hand.

“...have you finally fucking gone actually insane?” He sighed. “Don’t answer that. No, I don’t want to duel. And if you push it, I’ll leave. I don’t have time for that bullshit.”

Tanaka’s cold stare became more of a glare.

“I’m afraid I do not have such luxury around you,” Tanaka said sharply. “You grind down my defenses with this continued, unsightly association. Despite wearing the face of a human, you, Matsuda Yasuke are...!”

“I’m just human,” Matsuda replied before he could finish. With an unimpressed shrug, he added. “And if you wanted me to stop bothering you, all you had to fucking do was say so.”

“I allowed these exchanges out of a sense of curiosity, arrogantly unheeding the danger,” Tanaka went on, muttering as he did. “Truly, I have been foolish.”

The sun shone down on him. On a day this bright, there wasn’t anyone to hide. Tanaka ‘Gundam’ looked a bit ill. When Matsuda took a step closer, however, he recoiled. With a sharp hiss, Tanaka held up his hand in warning.

Like an agitated cat.

Matsuda drew back with a sigh.

Someone like this—really is so needlessly fucking difficult. And for what? An inflated sense of importance? Wasn’t getting into Hope’s Peak enough?

...if he complained too much, he’d veer uncomfortably close to hypocrisy.

Hope’s Peak was just another step for me, but I wonder what it was for someone like this? Where the hell would he be if he didn’t get in? Honestly—I doubt it would’ve been all that significant.

“Alright,” he said. “Did you get anything out of our interactions at least?”

Tanaka stared at him, but being a normal fucking person without magical powers, Matsuda was more than capable of staring back, unaffected. For some reason, Tanaka did shy back a little.

“I have keenly observed you,” he said lowly. “Namely how your regard only shifts when directed towards creatures already marked for death. I suspect—you are a creature of calamity. The eye of the storm.”

“So, what,” Matsuda drawled. “Like a demon?”

Tanaka hummed, seemingly considering it. “No... That is not quite right.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, then,” Matsuda huffed, waving his hand dismissively. “But—I think I get what you’re saying. I just think it’s funny coming from you—and that you don’t understand.”

Tanaka’s stare blazed with an offense, and Matsuda paid no heed at all.

“How I regard creatures marked for death...” Matsuda snorted. “I’m a fucking doctor. Obviously, I treat them differently. It’s part of my fucking job.”

Although he’s referring to the cow, isn’t he? Seriously...

“I guess it’s weird,” he admitted. “With how shitty of an attitude I have. But I take my job seriously. If you can’t get something that simple, then your Evil All-Seeing Eye is pretty fucking lacking.”

“You...” Tanaka growled. “You’re truly impertinent. You wield your blade recklessly and foolishly. You and I both know—that it runs deeper than mere duty for you, Matsuda Yasuke.”

...so what if it does?

He supposes he should be impressed that Tanaka isn’t that fucking dense. That the animal freak is, in fact, a little perceptive.

Smiling mirthlessly, Matsuda reached out to pat the flinching other’s shoulder. He gripped him for just a moment.

“That’s all you need to know about me,” he murmured into Tanaka’s ear before pulling back. “I think we’re at enough of an understanding. Thanks for your time.” He gave a salute as he headed on his way. “We don’t need to talk again. We especially don’t need to duel. Have a wonderful fucking day.”

“One day,” Tanaka swore. “You will meet your cruel, disastrous end. That is the decree of the Tanaka Kingdom!” As Matsuda got further away, Tanaka boomed after him. “Mark my words, sharp-tongued FOOL! You are MARKED for des—!”

It was such a headache that Matsuda tuned him out. But as he found himself alone, he did wonder.

Marked for destruction? Or something else? Despite all that time, rather than growing close, that weirdo is now convinced that I’m hopeless. He might be right. Actually, I’d still consider us closer if he can recognize that. I still don’t really care. I don’t.

He walked on, moving forward because he had nowhere else to go.

Decree. What a fucking riot. If I do die, it won’t be because of an idiot like him. But whatever makes him feel better I suppose.

Matsuda shook his head, brushing the whole thing aside except...

If I die... It won’t be until I reach the very fucking pits. I won’t settle for anything less.

[stillness-in-green]

Part 2 of the response to this ask:

Part 1 was about where I think Geten’s story is going, and if I think it’s likely that Dabi will kill him; it dealt mainly with how those characters are set up in canon. Part 2 is far more about the fandom, and the assumptions people make that lead them to theories like the one above--specifically, the assumption that the League was always planning on bailing on the PLF. Hit the jump below with me and I'll go over why I think the common arguments for that are misguided at best, and willfully misreading the text at worst.

WARNING: Contains some generalizations about parts of the fandom that I have mostly taken steps to avoid seeing on my dash, so some of my characterizations may be out of date. I’ve tried to desalinate this post as much as possible, but as an unapologetic fan of the MLA and of Spinner (who I do not bring up incidentally), this is a topic I feel particularly strongly about. Apologies, but I Have Seen Things.

DISCLAIMER: I like Geten better than Dabi. I don't think he's better developed; I don't think he's a better character--I just like him better. This is largely down to the fact that I find the MLA fascinating from a worldbuilding perspective and its members compelling personally, whereas I’m less interested in Dabi personally than I am the Todoroki Drama on the whole, and have been tired of Fanon Dabi for approximately 83 years. I’ll also be the first to admit that my take on Dabi is pretty mercenary--hardly the irredeemable psychopath the Hero Stans on Twitter see, but nothing close to Secretly Soft Big Brother Touya, either. If that’s not your bag, you may want to skip this one.

So, here's a bullet point list of the reasons I have personally seen on why the League was always planning to turn on the MLA:

Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them.

Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

[Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

So, let's go over those, shall we? Note that a lot of what I'm going to lay out below isn't conclusive. What I want to establish is simply that the canonical evidence isn't conclusive, certainly not as much so as the people who support this view espouse.

|| Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

In responses to my recent Overhaul post, I defended Viz’s official translation as an accurate rendering of the dialogue in question. In general, I feel like Caleb Cook is pretty reliable in his translations, if sometimes kind of stiff or dry in localization. However, there are times he makes assumptions about lines--as indeed a translator for a currently-running series will sometimes have to--and sometimes, those assumptions don’t pan out. This is one of those times.

Dabi's line, "Shall we get started early?" is based on an assumption Cook made about a line that doesn't have an actual subject. In the original dialogue--Hayame ni hajimaru ka--there is no “we,” not even in the form of some implicit collective in Dabi’s grammatical inflection, nor is there a question of "should." All Dabi’s doing is musing that the start (again, there’s no subject, and so no indication of the start of what, or the start as initiated by who) is happening early.

Toga's line communicates much the same, save that she does specify that the schedule/plan/arrangement is happening earlier than expected--which is totally true, since her line is in response to Dabi observing that Machia moving must mean Shigaraki's awake, and Shigaraki was supposed to be down for another month.

Shigaraki's line, like Dabi's, lacks a subject to describe what exactly is supposed to start as soon as Shigaraki wakes. He's saying something that would, in a more stilted way, be, "I wake up and then it's the start, right?"

None of these lines suggest that the characters are necessarily talking about any plan other than the one the PLF laid out. Yes, it looks somewhat damning that Shigaraki's first action (after getting himself a cape, anyway) is to have Machia bring him the League, but heck, maybe that was always the plan. Just because Shigaraki wants to rejoin his comrades doesn't mean the rest of the PLF didn't already have machinations that they were supposed to set into motion the moment Machia left. After all, the plan as Hawks understood it did involve simultaneous attacks on major cities--maybe the League was going to be spearheading one of those attacks. Further, Shigaraki knew something was wrong from the moment he regained consciousness, and we don’t know how that knowledge affected the call he made. Hell, maybe the original plan was for the League to be brought to meet him somewhere in a chartered limo; we don’t know.

It's telling that this idea that the League had a Secret Plan to screw over the MLA rarely seems to account for Mr. Compress and Spinner being confused over the suddenness of events. The response to questions about this seems to be that the "villain trio" knew about it, so the ignorance of the rest of the League can just be handwaved--the important members knew, and that's enough. This is ungenerous towards both Twice and Mr. Compress, but I have got particularly little time for Spinner, the narrator of MVA and guy who decided to devote his all to Shigaraki, being disrespected in this fashion. More on that later.

|| Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

Shigaraki does say he won't forgive the MLA, but consider what he did to the MLA and its leader. He destroyed most of their stronghold, killed scores of them, is directly responsible for Re-Destro losing his legs, and saw that vaunted descendant of Destro about six inches shy of full forehead-on-the-ground dogeza. The League Shigaraki commands killed a great many more of them, including one of their inner circle. He commandeered the Liberation Army, its resources, and its grand cause. I think it’s safe to say he’s more than responded in kind!

I'm not saying Shigaraki feels for the MLA the same way he does about the League, far from it, but I do think he's practical enough after two hundred chapters of character development not to throw them away out of spite. In Chapter 246, he tells Ujiko explicitly, "When someone offers me something, I take it," and, "I'm done taking the heroes lightly. I'll use everything I've got to obliterate the dregs All Might left behind." From a purely practical standpoint, if he intends to throw everything he has at the heroes, he has no reason to throw the MLA under the bus, and 116,000 reasons to keep them around. I'm altogether sure that, so long as they stood to be useful to his plans, he would have kept them around.

|| The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them. + || Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

I hadn’t seen the second point in the wild, but I suppose it must be how the “The League will betray the MLA” theorists are getting around Dabi and Skeptic’s clear collaboration and how that collaboration totally scuttles the first point, huh? Hilarious.

Anyway, setting aside the fact that Dabi showed up to the one planning session we were shown when even Geten didn’t, there’s evidence in the canon that Dabi was working with Skeptic since even before the raid. Consider that Dabi’s video was filmed at the villa (the wall paneling and the style of the couch both match) and ask yourself where the camera he used came from. Once the filming was complete, where was the video stored such that Skeptic could access it from his laptop? If Dabi’d had it on an SD card and Skeptic was seeing it for the first time, why didn’t Spinner, Compress and Toga watch it alongside him? Surely Skeptic would need to watch it through at least once to know when to splice in the footage of Jin’s death for maximum dramatic impact? On that note, by far the most telling piece of evidence is this: if Dabi wasn't already working with Skeptic, then why was he wearing one of Skeptic's body cameras during his confrontation with Hawks?

Further, Skeptic's protest when he’s pulled onto Machia isn't that he doesn’t want to be with the League; it’s that he doesn’t want to leave Re-Destro behind. Once he's resigned that it's going to happen, though, he's cocky about his talents and complimentary of Dabi's big reveal, even if he is exasperated about the League's antics. It's ambiguous, I admit, but given that Dabi's wearing his cameras, he had to have known Dabi had a reason for them--and given that he is both abrasive and mouthy, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have demanded to know what that reason was.

Hell, Dabi even thanks Skeptic for his editing work, which is more direct positive approval than he's ever shown anyone in the League (give or take the high-five with Twice, which, genuine or not, he would have known he was doing on camera). That much-vaunted panel of Spinner telling Toga to come back to the League? Dabi's grinning, which in isolation you could read as a certain rueful affection, but with the full context of the chapter, it becomes apparent that Dabi is grinning at Skeptic's laptop, seconds after telling Skeptic to "hurry up." Skeptic is, at that moment, probably gearing up the video to project nationwide, and Dabi’s more focused on that than he is Toga’s crisis, even when Compress directly appeals to him for aid. He tells Compress he doesn’t care, the same way he told Hawks he doesn't give a damn about the League.

Let me be clear here: I'm inclined to take Dabi at his word. I think Dabi hangs around the League because, for all that he says one man's conviction can shake the world, he also knows his own limits, and the League offers safety in numbers and an avenue to pursue his revenge. Maybe he finds them acceptable enough company, maybe he even does like them a bit despite himself, but I think any affection he might have for them is entirely incidental to his views on their usefulness. In the same way, while he's willing to bail on the MLA when the heroes attack, I don't think it was his plan to do so, especially not given his apparent immediate regard for Skeptic, as seen in the deleted scene here. Sure, he dislikes Geten, but ultimately, Geten is a stupid kid too tied up in his care for Re-Destro--who's now worshipping the ground Shigaraki walks on--to really be getting in Dabi's way.

Maybe if the MLA really were as quirk supremacist as Geten makes them out to be, Dabi would be actively looking for a way to see ‘em burn, but as I’ve said countless times before, Geten is not a reliable narrator vis a vis the MLA's doctrine. Now, obviously I don't expect Dabi to give them an unearned benefit of the doubt,(1) not after what he heard Geten say, but if Dabi has been working with Skeptic, it doesn't take a genius to realize that while Anthropomorph is a perfectly good quirk, it is categorically not what primarily defines Skeptic’s "worth" in the MLA societal microcosm.

Nothing that Skeptic does reflects the way Geten talks about "elevating one's ability" or "sheer strength" in the way that HeroAca fandom tends to understand as referring to flashy and offensive quirks. And yet, Skeptic is a ranked advisor warranting an introductory panel with RD's inner circle and Geten is not. Perhaps, just perhaps, this might have led Dabi to reevaluating his initial assessment just slightly?

|| Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

So, this one's pretty wild, because, in the same chapter that had people crowing about Mr. Compress's dialogue, Mr. Compress's actions show the exact opposite of the conclusion this theory would demand. Specifically, if it was always the League's plan to ditch the MLA, Mr. Compress would have darted right past Skeptic, ignoring the man's cries for help. He doesn't--he picks Skeptic up on the way past and (at least in the volume corrections) deposits him safe with Dabi in Spinner's scarf. Of course, Skeptic still stands to be useful, but if one acknowledges that Skeptic's usefulness is reason enough not to abandon him, then what exactly is the argument for leaving 116,000 perfectly useful warm bodies behind?

But let's set aside Compress rescuing Skeptic and focus on the actual point, because that point in itself is still flawed. Mr. Compress's thoughts on the PLF in the specific talk bubble in question are somewhat ambiguous. It's another case of the Viz translation making a couple of assumptions that are just that--assumptions.

Compress's words in the Japanese are as follows:

Chōjō Kaihō Sensen.… Viran rengo no Shigaraki Tomura ga…

Viz then renders the line like so:

The Paranormal Liberation Front's… No, the League of Villain's Shigaraki…

Note that in the Japanese, the possessive no is only included once, to indicate Shigaraki's association with the League. Further, the original doesn't indicate any negation in Compress's thoughts. Yes, he could be rejecting the PLF association for Shigaraki, but he could as easily be narrowing his scope to Shigaraki as the figure he represents to the League, rather than the figure he represents to the PLF--not rejecting wholesale, but rather becoming more specific. Compress might also be thinking first of the PLF as a general organization, then narrowing down to Shigaraki specifically.

Rather than reading this line as an indication that Compress regards the PLF as temporary, I was heartened by the fact that Compress thought about the PLF at all! If the League really had been planning to discard them this entire time, then there's no reason for Compress to have ever taken the Front seriously enough to have thought about them in that moment of crisis. You can carry this back further, too. In Chapter 258, when Twice is asking Hawks for help, he says that Spinner and Compress have been in meetings for days. Coupled with Compress's first thought about the entity that will carry out Harima's desired reformation being the Liberation Front (or possibly "the Liberation Front's Shigaraki"), this indicates to me that Compress was taking it seriously, not just gorging himself on sushi on the MLA's dime.

Indeed, back in Ujiko's lab, when it was just Shigaraki talking about his backstory and his dreams of destruction, Compress looks the opposite of impressed; we know from his narration in 294 that he liked the League because they didn't place any importance on one another’s pasts. Yet, at some point, his view shifted to believing that fulfilling his ancestor's ambition, his bloodline’s duty, really might be back on the table. We as readers don't quite know when that shift happened, but given, again, his initial mental invocation of the PLF, I think we can assume that it's tied to that alliance, those resources. And sure, when the moment of crisis happens and he's really defining who and what Shigaraki is to him, and where his values and priorities lie, it's with the League and Shigaraki as the leader of the League. But that doesn't mean he never had his hopes for the PLF at all, or was partaking in plans to ditch them.

Also too, this is a man who was lamenting the loss of their partnership with Overhaul, a man who personally maimed him, on top of killing a comrade. You're telling me the guy who shrugged off his animosity towards Overhaul would willingly allow the League to plot sabotage against even wealthier collaborators against whom he has even less reason to hold a grudge? Come on, guys.

|| Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

This one's easy: Toga pretty explicitly hated Curious, but she's even more explicit that she likes the MLA because she thinks the world they want to create is wonderful. She says this verbatim at the end of 225, after Curious has spent the entire chapter hounding her with explosions and intrusive questions. What turns her animosity on Curious is not some reveal that the MLA's world would be terrible after all, but Curious calling Toga's "normal" miserable and tragic. Essentially, she doesn't object to the world the MLA wants to bring about; she objects to being turned into a martyr for that world, especially when that martyrdom requires that the things that make Toga happy be characterized as horrific misfortunes.

Toga doesn't like Curious; she kills Curious. And then she comes into a position of leadership, and we don't know a lot about how that position takes her, but she seems delighted to be walking out onto the stage to be announced as such, and she makes active contributions to the discussion of the PLF's plans in Chapter 245. We are, again, given no indication that her lethal response to Curious means that she's planning to ditch the MLA on the whole.

Incidentally, Curious asserts what she does about Toga only in the context of the world as it stands. The world's rejection of Toga's normal, and the extremes that rejection drove Toga to, are what Curious considers tragic and miserable, not Toga's fascination with blood in and of itself. She clearly believes that, in the world the MLA envisions, Toga's life would not be so miserable because she would never have been oppressed to the degree that she snapped. And frankly, Curious isn't wrong. The only reason she is a villain in that scene is that she's willing to murder Toga to project that tragedy to the world. If she'd been willing to sit down and have a civil interview with Toga to print it in a relevant magazine, she would have been fine.

|| Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

You know, this is a totally fair point. It is, however, somewhat complicated by the fact that Giran himself never left the PLF. Now, there’s almost certainly something to be said about Giran’s whole information broker shtick being terminally compromised by his capture, his maiming, his client list being hacked, etc. He had a bunch of identifying items strewn all over the country that were covered in the national news, items that people who associated with him closely certainly would have recognized. Maybe he’s laying low for a while?

I don’t know why Giran was still around by the time of the raid. I can theorize about his pragmatism or what have you, but the canon really doesn’t give us anything to go on. Still, if he really hated the MLA all that much, as he would be totally justified in doing, it’s pretty bizarre that Horikoshi showed him twice in PLF crowd scenes post-Deika looking nothing worse than kind of confused and uneasy. Heck, you’d think he would at least have merited a better seat in the crowd for the big merger announcement.

Giran aside, the fact that Twice never does hit it off with anyone in his regiment is, I think, telling. If there’s anyone in the League that intentionally kept himself at a distance from the MLA because of hard feelings, it’s likely Twice. After all, if he had befriended anyone, he presumably wouldn’t have needed to go to Hawks for tutoring almost an entire month after Deika. That said, the fact that Twice does go running to Hawks for tutoring shows that he’s at least doing his best to act in accordance with what he thinks Shigaraki and the rest want. That doesn’t preclude the League having a secret plan that he’s either in on and playing along with, or hasn’t been told about because he might not be able to stop himself from vocalizing about it. Still, while absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, obviously absence of evidence is not evidence of presence. So, lacking any sign that the rest of the League is planning treachery, I’m not inclined to assume Twice’s lack of forgiveness is indicative of anything other than his own feelings.

|| [Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

:: INCOMING SALT WARNING :: INCOMING SALT WARNING ::

This is the one that really gets to me. I have never seen an argument that the League is planning to betray the PLF that convincingly explains the fact that Spinner, to all available evidence, threw himself wholeheartedly into trying to make the PLF succeed. To be more precise, I have seen one explanation, and that explanation is that the plan to ditch the MLA was a secret that only Shigaraki, Dabi and sometimes Toga knew about, and to reiterate, that is bullshit.

In my experience, this is an explanation proposed by people who care about Spinner only insofar as he can be a Soft Gaymer Boyfriend or score them rhetorical points, but have little to no interest in his ongoing--and, indeed, increasing--importance to the League generally and Shigaraki’s arc specifically. The dude who talked about how Twice’s home was the League, who got through to Toga while still respecting her choice when no one else could, the guy who recognized the hollowness within Shigaraki but also bonded with him over video games, the man who Mr. Compress said was Shigaraki’s most devoted follower(2)--this man did not do all of that for people in this fandom to say, “Oh, well, the others probably just kept it a secret from him because they thought he’d be bad at lying.”

Really? “Bad at lying?” And that’s an adequate justification, is it, for Shigaraki letting Spinner toil for months under false pretenses? For lying to the man who adores him the most? Of course it isn’t, but the people who theorize this don’t really care about Spinner’s adoration for Shigaraki, or the fact that Shigaraki rewarding Spinner’s feelings by allowing him to dedicate himself unstintingly to something Shigaraki was planning to discard from the beginning would be a blatant abuse of Spinner’s trust.

I have never seen anyone try to argue that Spinner was in on a plan to betray the MLA all along. That’s because it’s patently obvious that Spinner--forthright, direct Spinner, who named the merged organization with Re-Destro, spends all his time in meetings, has a direct exchange with Re-Destro about the state of their plans, and is probably the reason RD started wearing polka dots--went all-in on the PLF. But for the people who propose the “the League was always going to bail” theory, Spinner and his labors are an afterthought.

Spinner is not an afterthought. Where Mr. Compress has been captured, Toga could hypothetically be peeled away from the League via Uraraka, and Dabi almost certainly will be peeled away via the Todoroki plot, Spinner’s driving motivation at this point is Shigaraki himself. He connected to Shigaraki’s nihilism, his hatred, but also his humanity--the humanity in Shigaraki Tomura, not in Shimura Tenko. His empathy didn’t spring from contrived psychic glimpses of crying 5-year-olds, but from long months of observation, doubt, and gradually deepening wonder. He’s the only person currently with Shigaraki that I can see caring enough about Shigaraki’s welfare that he might sacrifice his own goals and desires to help Deku save him.

Spinner is not an afterthought, and I refuse to build or entertain theories that treat him that way. So as to his opinions on the MLA? Despite having his own reasons to be leery of them based on how shabbily Trumpet treated him, he was obviously trying to make the Paranormal Liberation Front succeed, which means he must have believed that Shigaraki wanted it to succeed. Therefore, unless you’re prepared to assert that Shigaraki (and everyone else who was in on it!) was cruel enough to lie to Spinner about something he was devoting so much time and energy to, the inescapable conclusion is that Shigaraki also wanted the Front to succeed.

(Note: After letting a friend pre-read this, I have been informed that there is, in fact, one explanation offered for Spinner knowing the League was going to abandon the PLF but working his ass off on the venture anyway, and that explanation is, “Something something wants to prove himself because low self-esteem.” This is so ridiculous I can’t even bring myself to edit this post accordingly. Low self-esteem! Because nothing would alleviate Spinner's low self-esteem like toiling for months over something that holds no worth to the people he actually cares about, right? Right?? Bah. Humbug!)

And but so, to wrap all that up: I fundamentally disagree that the League viewed the Paranormal Liberation Front as a temporary arrangement, at least to the extent that they were actively planning to betray their newfound--new won--allies. The fact that I don't think the League intended to discard the MLA out of hand does, thus, influence my opinion that, whatever Geten's fate will be, I'm pretty sure it's not going to be, "He gets murdered in a way that resembles nothing so much as a sick revenge fantasy dozens of chapters after the last point when such a death would have been remotely tonally appropriate."

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry about-- *waves at all of this*

-------------------------------

(1) Not that Mr. “Burns Random Delinquents Alive For Not Measuring Up To His Standards For Villainy” has any moral standing to criticize others for how they determine the value of peoples’ lives, mind.

(2) Other translations for the verb in Mr. Compress’s Japanese line of, “You are the one who ____s Shigaraki the most,” include yearn for, long for, pine for, miss, love dearly, adore, idolize, and revere. “Most devoted follower” is accurate enough, but considerably less homo than some of the things we could have gotten there.

[gohyuck]

3/1/14 with haechan? Thank you!

based on this post

reader is female. looks like being ditched at dances is a theme on this blog now lmfao

3) boarding school

1) friends to lovers

14)  “my necktie feels tight, loosen it for me.”

“where the hell are you?” somi’s voice is panicked, and you mentally wince as you realize you’d forgotten to tell her where you were going. your mind had gone on autopilot the moment you’d seen donghyuck rush out of the ballroom, and you hadn’t thought about anyone else as you’d given chase after him.

“i saw h- i saw a friend run out of the dance, and they looked distraught so i followed,” you respond, trying your best to sound apologetic. “i’ll be back as soon as possible, though.”

“you’d better be,” she hisses in response. “renjun has jaemin in a chokehold over a really badly delivered joke and i don’t know how long i can keep pretending that i don’t know them if i have nobody else to talk to.”

you laugh at her words before wishing her luck, letting her be the one to hang up on you. once you stuff your phone back into your dress’ hidden pocket, you bring yourself back to your current situation.

you’re in a bit of a pickle. girls aren’t allowed in the boys’ dormitory, and that’s where you’d seen hyuck go, presumably to get back to his room. there’s definitely a male teacher watching guard over the rooms, making sure that nobody flaunts the rules. usually you’d appreciate the idea behind it - if students could roam free, you’re sure a lot more people would be in danger of having kids 10 years before they’re ready. still, now, as the image of your best friend wiping tears away hastily with the back of his hand while walking quickly away from whatever was bothering him resurfaces in your mind, you can’t help but wish the staff would let you guys live a little.

technically, you’re already too far into the east wing, where the boys reside. if you turn another corner, you’ll be in the hallway that leads directly to where their rooms are, and that is strictly forbidden. you’re sure you’ll face consequences if you get caught, so you take it upon yourself to send a short word to the powers that be: please let it be mr. lee who’s on patrol, or even mr. moon. if it’s anyone else, you’ll have to try getting into hyuck’s room from the outside, and you don’t know if you have it in you to scale the wall outside his window like you usually do.

you finally steel yourself before walking around the corner...

... and run directly into mr. moon. you let out a sigh of relief, even as he peers at you through his glasses. you can tell immediately that he’s only trying to be threatening - even he knows that he’s too young a teacher to come off as truly scary. that, and he’d attended your school less than a decade ago, so he sympathizes pretty well with the students. 

“you know you aren’t supposed to be here,” he speaks first, and you nod in agreement. 

“yes, and you know that i usually wouldn’t flaunt the rules so... obviously... if it wasn’t important. have you seen haechan?” you purposefully use the nickname mr. moon himself had given to your friend - haechan, meaning fullsun. it fits perfectly. you can see mr. moon visibly light up at the mention of his favorite student, though he does his best not to let it show. 

“he walked by not long ago. seemed to be in a hurry, so i didn’t stop him.” the teacher responds, and you nod. you figure you can trust mr. moon with your thoughts (and you think he’ll only let you pass if he knows why), so you let him know why you’re looking for hyuck. 

“he looked like he was crying earlier, and then he, like, practically sprinted out of the dance,” you say, gnawing on the inside of your cheek out of habit. mr. moon raises his eyebrows in surprise, already stepping back. 

“if you’re worried enough to chase him here, you must be really panicked,” he says, as if pulling you through his own thought process. mr. moon steps aside entirely before continuing his train of thought. “he’s in room 127, but if you let anyone know i’m the one who let you in, i’ll have your head, kid.” there’s no rage in his voice as he acquiesces, and you give him a hurried, albeit thankful nod before walking past him, searching for the room number given to you as you start walking past doors.

once you reach it, it takes everything in you to hold back from knocking agitatedly, instead dropping three swift taps of your knuckle against his door. 

“go away, jeno, go hang out in jaemin’s room for now.” donghyuck says, and you realize he must think you’re his roommate. considering the sounds coming from inside the room, you realize he must be pacing around. 

“it’s not jeno,” you call back, and the pacing stops from within. after one, two, three seconds of you standing with bated breath, the door in front of you swings open to reveal donghyuck, dress shirt wrinkled and with his hair messy from what’s likely him running his hands through it continuously. you look past him to see his blazer thrown haphazardly across his barely- made bed.

“how’d you get down here?” he asks, though not before ushering you in and shutting the door behind you. 

“moon’s on duty,” you respond simply, and hyuck nods in understanding. it’s now that you notice his eyes are dry and show no signs of redness, though his undereyes are just a little too puffy for your liking. you sit down on his bed, folding his blazer properly as you do, while he settles into the chair at his desk right across from you. 

“what happened?” you ask once you’re done folding, never one to beat around the bush with hyuck. you’re too close for that. you look up to meet his gaze, and he looks away almost immediately, almost as if he’s ashamed. 

“hyuck?” your tone is softer this time, and you lean forward, placing a reassuring hand on his thigh. he sighs heavily, leaning ever-so-slightly towards you as well. 

“you know how i went to the dance with annie?” 

you nod, ignoring how your chest contracts painfully at him mentioning another girl. this isn’t about you and how you feel, you tell yourself. it’s about the fact that he’s upset over something. 

“i found her making out with felix.” he recounts, and you wince in sympathy. 

“shit, dude, i’m sorry,” you respond, not sure of what else to say. hyuck shakes his head, raising it right after to give you a small smile. 

“it’s fine, annie and i just went at friends, so i don’t feel, like, cheated on or anything. it’s just that...” he trails off, looking away from you. you keep your gaze trained on him, waiting for him to continue. 

“... it reminded me that i don’t have something like that, i guess.” 

you sigh, reaching over to take donghyuck’s hand in yours. he looks back at you in surprise, his eyes widening in confusion. 

“you’re a good guy, hyuck,” you say, pausing to think. though you don’t realize that you’re looking down at the ground, unable to look at your best friend as you speak, donghyuck notices it almost immediately, though he doesn’t say a word, letting you continue speaking instead. “you’re sweet and caring and observant and intelligent and well put-together, not to mention hilarious and respectful and handsome. you’ll find someone eventually, it’s not even a question.” the words flow easily from you, as if they’re your gospel truth. you still aren’t looking at him. 

hyuck suddenly sees the truth in ‘sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in front of you’. the realization that you like him back elates him, but he’s quick to tamp down on his emotions, not wanting to freak you out. 

“(name),” hyuck eventually speaks, forcing you to meet his eyes. your blush doesn’t escape him, and a corner of his mouth quirks up before he lets his expression fall to a more neutral look again. his eyes give up his true feelings, however, as they always do - there’s more warmth in them than you’ve seen before. 

“my necktie feels tight, loosen it for me.”

you raise an eyebrow, though you stand up all the same, sliding your hand out of his. as you move to stand in front of him - hyuck is very aware of how you fit between his legs, looking up at you with unmasked adoration by this point. you don’t notice it, busy untying his tie entirely. as you go to pull the cloth out from under his shirt collar, donghyuck reaches up, grabbing his wrist in a soft grip, forcing you to look at him.

“i asked annie to the dance because i couldn’t bear the idea of only going with you as friends,” he confesses, voice low, and your breathing hitches at his words. “i didn’t want to ruin what we have by asking you to be more.”

“why are you asking now?” you manage to ask, and hyuck grins up at you cheekily. 

“because i’m sweet and caring and observant and intelligent and well put-together -” 

“shut up!” you groan, smacking his chest gently. you step back, pulling him up so he’s standing with you. his hands grip your waist on instinct as you finally pull his tie off of him, tossing it onto his bed behind you. he laughs before leaning in and pressing his lips against your forehead in a soft, chaste kiss. 

“... are we a thing now?” you ask, and your best friend (boyfriend?) chuckles before nodding. 

“yeah, if you’re looking for someone who’s hilarious and respectful and handsome - ow!” he yelps as you pinch his cheek in retaliation, though his gaze softens immediately at hearing your laugh. 

“fine, you big buffoon. donghyuck, will you be my boyfriend?” 

“only if you’ll be my girlfriend,” hyuck responds, his smile as bright as a million watts as he finally leans in. your lips and body mold to his perfectly. he tastes like vanilla, and you could kiss him forever, you realize. you want to kiss him forever... 

“about fucking time!” jeno’s voice pulls the two of you out of your moment, and you realize he’s on the other side of the door.

“what the - how long have you been standing there?” hyuck calls back, not leaving his grip on your waist. 

“long enough!” comes the response, and both you and your best friend roll your eyes in tandem. “now let me in, damn it. i forgot my keys on my desk.” jeno continues, and hyuck raises an eyebrow. 

“should we let him in?” he asks you, smiling as you shake your head no. 

“nah,” you say, reaching up to pull him into you again. “we’ve got other things to do right now.”

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 137 Review

I can't unsee it.

-rubs temples-

Ok, I know I’ve been absent the past two chapters. I’ll get to why and what I thought of 135 and 136 in this post, but for now…jeez, this chapter.

It was badass and dumb and sometimes both at the same time.

Where do I even start?

-sound of pages being leafed through-

Ok, then.

I actually really like Zeke’s character. He is unironically my second favorite out of the cast.

When we first see Zeke, he’s in his beast titan form. He’s lumbering, hulking, unsettling.

He’s a titan that can talk. He’s a titan that can control other titans!

And he wiped out humanity’s second strongest with ease. I forget his name. It was Mickey, right?

Worst than that, actually. He ordered his titans to kill Mickey with all the gravitas of ordering a side of fries at McDonald’s.

Iirc fans were wondering if this new character would be the main villain of the series.

He went on to wipe out the Survey Corps at Shighanshina, and after that we learned he singlehandedly foiled his parent’s right-wing conspiracy when he was a kid.

Zeke was a mastermind who shouldn’t be taken lightly…right?

Welp, the more we saw of Zeke, the more obvious it became that he wasn’t actually all the impressive.

He wasn’t very good at being a warrior. Honestly, it seems most of his high marks comes from his unique royal blood powers, and the good will be built with Marley when he turned in his parents. TFW cronyism.

He foiled the restorationists plot, but really he was just an abused kid who wanted to get away from his parents.

He killed Mickey, but Zeke was a King Kong sized titan and Mickey was caught off guard and unarmed, so…yeah, ofc he won that fight.  

Zeke has royal blood powers, but that doesn’t say anything about his intellectual prowess or anything.

The Survey Corps was wiped out at Shighanshina, but the circumstances of that fight strongly favored him. The Survey Corps were trapped in the city, so all Zeke had to do to win was sit on his ass and do nothing.

And he almost died anyway.

Levi got the drop on him because of his own incompetence. He let himself get distracted, which created the opening for Levi to strike.

Throw in his gullibleness towards Eren, his bumbling demeanor, and his totally emo philosophy, and the true nature of Zeke Jeager became undeniable: this guy is a fucking moron.

Like.

A real fucking moron.

And that’s why his character is unironically so great!

Zeke’s character is such a brilliant subversion of audience expectations.

We were all made to believe that this guy was a Big Fucking Deal through what turned out to mostly be circumstantial reasons.

In reality, he’s an idiot who’s been failing upwards his whole life.

Zeke got as far as he did because he’s really lucky. That’s all he has going for him.

I liked the more fleshed out version of his world view we got here. It is appropriately emo.

My read on Zeke has always been that if he existed in real life he’d be an extremely online philosophy bro, so seeing his outlook on life being effectively copy pasted from 4chan was just delightful.

Zeke is 2deep4(chan)u.

Life exists to multiply. All actions are explained by this singular drive. As such, life is hollow and we’re better off dead.

Imagine that is how you see the world.

Life sucks. It’s an existence of suffering driven by a desire to ensure more people are brought into this world so that they can toil away ensuring that yet more people are brought into this world to toil away ensuring people are brought into this world.

On and on and on and on.

To Zeke, this is the cycle of violence.

Not war which begets war which begets war, but rather life itself.

One suffering existence that begets another suffering existence that begets yet another suffering existence.

That is the context from which the euthanasia plan came from: it was an extension of this broader world view.

Everyone gets a dose of pain in this world, but Eldians especially get shafted. If anyone deserved release from this nihilistic existence that is “being alive,” it’s them.

Hence, Zeke’s plan to sterilize Eldians so they can die out peaceably.

…

It’s hilarious how easily Zeke is disabused of this notion.

I’m not sure if it works from a storytelling perspective, but it tracks perfectly with what usually happens when emo philosophy bros like Zeke have their beliefs challenged.

The emo bro will go on a self-absorbed rant about how nihilistic life is. For sake of example, let’s say the reason is because morality is just an opinion and nothing is objectively wrong.

The n the guy he’s ranting to will drop a critique on the bro so devastating that they’re left speechless:

“What about murder? Isn’t murder objectively wrong?”

Emo bro: -surprised pikachu face-

I swear to God this happens a lot. I don’t know if transplanting that into this pivotal storytelling moment works, but I sure as hell enjoyed it.

But, yeah, while we’re talking about philosophies, let’s look at some others.

Armin thinks there is beauty in pointless moments. Moments that are meaningful only for the people who partake in them. They’re an expression of the love they have for each other. Those moments are worth cherishing and protecting.

He’s right, but you know who also thinks that way?

Eren does.

Superficially, anyway.

When Eren starts rumbling the world, he thinks of his friends and the fun they’ve had together. He’s doing it for them.

Of course, he’s hurt them instead, but that’s still his logic, however deranged it may be.

What separates Armin from Eren is their sense of boundaries.

There are places that Eren is willing to push on towards that Armin is not.

For that, Eren thinks Armin is weak. All Eren had to say to him when they spoke at the restaurant was how useless Armin was.

Armin can’t go the distance. He can’t do what’s necessary. He takes options off the table too easily. He wanted to negotiate instead of seeing the truth that war was inevitable.

To Eren, that’s weakness.

In reality, it’s empathy.

Armin cares about people. Even people who hate him.

Eren doesn’t. If you’re his enemy, you’re dead to him, period.

Eren has no soul.

He may have slept under his enemy’s roof, ate his enemy’s food, and saw the good in them for himself, but he’s still killing them.

I don’t care if he’s crying on the inside. I don’t care how many times he said he’s sorry to Ramzi.

That actually makes it worse.

Eren made the calculation, the conscientious decision, that the lives of billions of people across multiple civilizations were worth less than that of his race.

Not even his whole race; just the subset of his race he was most familiar with!

Eren and Armin represent two widely similar, yet subtly different philosophies.

For Eren, the world is beautiful, but you have to do cruel things to protect that beauty.

The world is cruel because it is beautiful.

For Armin, the world is beautiful, but it is plagued by cruelty.

The world is cruel, but also beautiful.

SNK made the right choice. Armin was rightly depicted as the superior worldview.

(I have some gripes about how endemic the series seems to think cruelty is to the world, but we’re ignoring that now.)

Ymir is more of a wild card than I thought she’d be.

It seemed straightforward.

Ymir had been beaten and enslaved her whole life, so when Eren offered her freedom and treated her life a human, she sided with him.

That still looks to be what happened, but it seemed like Ymir also genuinely wanted to destroy the world with Eren.

The world treated her with cruelty, so of course she’d want to burn it all. Makes sense, right?

But Ymir, it turns out, is a lot more complicated than that.

She was beaten, enslaved, raped, hunted like an animal, and after all that, she still believed in this world.

She saw two lovers together, and that embodied what made the world worth getting attached to.

Those two lovers were her conquerors. Her oppressors.

She saw the love between two of her slavers, and instead of resentment or jealousy, she simply knew it was beautiful.

If people threaten his freedom, Eren wishes death upon them.

When Ymir is literally enslaved by them, she still acknowledges the beauty of their romance.

It’s a cool layer of complexity to add to their dynamic. They’ve been through similar shit, but they couldn’t be more dissimilar.

My guess is that Ymir is sympathetic to Armin and everyone came back to life through her help.

I know Armin Zeke the credit for that, but…that makes no sense?

Eren defeated Zeke when Ymir sided with him and he started the rumbling.

Eren, via Ymir, is in control, not Zeke, so it makes no sense for Zeke to be able to do any of this.

The only explanation is that Ymir broke from Eren and now Zeke is her new best friend.

…Yeah, this is the part where I talk about the bad stuff with this chapter.

The exact mechanics of how all of this went down is very underexplained.

Zeke being able to reveal himself like he did can be chalked up to Ymir’s power, but if it’s true this was purely Zeke’s doing, then…how?

How was Zee able to do that if Eren is in control? Why would Eren even put Zeke there instead of encasing him in crystal and keeping him physically close by?

This whole final battle has been very underwhelming for me, which is why I didn’t do a review for the last two chapters.

The premise is pretty bland.

The Alliance’s main opposition in this fight are mindless drones. The titans they’re fighting have no humans inside them, they’re just puppets. NPCs.

What drama there has been here has been the same fucking crap we’ve been dealing with for the past few volumes.

Yes, Mikasa, Eren has to die.

I know this is hard for her, but my patience has run out.

Eren told her to her face that they had to kill him if they wanted to win, and then when the Alliance is riding on Falco’s back, they make the final call to kill Eren and this is the face Mikasa makes.

Like this is the first time she’s heard it.

This is the face you’d expect from a child, not a grown ass adult. 

That was the moment I became convinced Mikasa would probably die in this fight.

Her head is too far up her ass as this point.

She is utterly incapable of processing the obvious fact that Eren hates her.

Yes, he’s theoretically destroying the world partly for her, but he’s also deranged and too self-absorbed to see that he’s hurt her. He has no real regard for her. 

It is beyond annoying that there has been almost zero progression for her character on this issue.

If by this point in the story, she had accepted that Eren had to die, but was still visibly coping with that, then all would be well.

What’s frustrating is that just when it seems like we’ve progressed past that stage, we learn we haven’t.

I also feel that a lot of the major beats of the fight were pointless.

A major point in the battle comes when Armin gets eaten by the Okapi titan, and Mikasa, Annie, and the rest have to rescue him. But Armin didn’t seem to be in any danger of dying, and him being sent to P A T H S was actually a good thing in the end because he was able to win over Zeke.

The whole deal with the explosives around Eren’s neck was also pretty badly handled.

You’d think the hard part would be getting the explosives to the neck and securing them to it, but nope. Pieck took care of that in a couple of panels, and the real meat of the fight is doing the very last thing they need to do to win.

It’s very tedious and contrived.

Instead of a fight that’s interesting because they have to wrestle their way through titans while carrying the bombs, we get a totally generic fight because the story breezed through the hard part and all they have to do now is push a single button to win.

But in the end that entire sequence was pointless because Armin decides to blow everything up anyway.

Jean’s shining moment?

A total waste.

Reiner’s shining moment...wrangling that worm thing?

Also a total waste.

Armin was going to blow it up anyway. There is no way you can say that Eren would have survived Armin’s explosion but for Reiner and Jean’s efforts.

It just defies all common sense.

So yeah, this whole battle was a pretty lackluster climax.

Looking to the future, I think this is it.

There’s only two chapters left, so we need to start wrapping up. My guess is Eren’s likely dead and next chapter starts the epilogue.

Tally-ho.

---

I made a post about all the character’s chances of living or dying by the end of the manga. I figured I’d update those death ratings here.

Eren: Likely Alive --> Lean Dead

Historia: Likely Dead --> Toss Up

Mikasa and Reiner: Lean Dead --> Lean Alive

Annie: Lean Alive --> Likely Alive

Jean and Connie: Likely Dead --> Lean Alive

Pieck: Toss Up --> Lean Alive

Zeke: Lean Alive --> Ded

You’ll notice I’m still rating most of the cast as having a significant chance of dying.

While I do feel that this is probably the end of the battle, I’m choosing to be cautious in my choice of ratings.

Mayhaps Eren will pull a come from behind victory.

Ya never know.

[shijiujun]

thirst follow au for chuyao? (i dunno if you still take prompt requests for chuyao but i just discovered the prompt list you posted and if you do still take prompts i'd love read your version for chuyao of this!!)

new celebrity lu yao + ceo of the company lu yao is signed under qiao chusheng

---

The first thing that Lu Yao does once he’s alone these days is open his Weibo app and scroll to a particular account to look for updates. It doesn’t matter if he’s just started break after his filming sequence, or when he gets home after a day of long activities, before he does anything, Lu Yao is on his phone and checking through @/乔楚生mmc.

“Yao Yao, are you checking through Qiao-zong’s Weibo again?” his manager sighs as she enters the waiting room that has been allocated to Lu Yao for the duration of this period drama shoot.

“... Jie,” Lu Yao grins suddenly, showing her his phone, “Look at him at the ELLE Fashion event, he’s not wearing an inside shirt! It’s just a blazer over, I saw his fans yelling about this earlier but I didn’t have time to check, he just-”

Man Man-jie, his manager, tries not to be exasperated with him, but it has honestly been two months since Lu Yao discovered Qiao Chusheng, the CEO of Qing Long Ying Shi, the largest entertainment and media company in the country, after he visited one of Lu Yao’s shoots. 

Not for Lu Yao of course, but for the world-renowned director that Lu Yao and every other crew and cast member in this production is working with - suffice to say, Lu Yao laid eyes on their company’s CEO for the first time since he signed on a year ago, and he hasn’t been able to keep away from him since. 

It makes him wonder why Qiao Chusheng did not become a star himself, but Man Man said that the man has always had a knack for business development, and the company has only grown stronger after Boss Bai, the man who founded it and who is also Qiao Chusheng’s adoptive father, relinquished the position to him.

“How did you not know Qiao Chusheng is the CEO of this company?! Your paychecks are getting signed by him!”

“Aiya.... Jie, it’s not like I come across him at all... And I thought our CEO was some old man...”

Lu Yao immediately followed Qiao-zong on all his social media accounts because the man is certified exceptional in looks and body. He won’t admit it, but the best thing he likes about Qiao Chusheng aside from his arms, his muscles, his chiseled jaw, those sharp eyes, that hot body, is definitely the man’s smile.

It’s too embarrassing to say though, so Lu Yao stalks him online instead, on his private account that no one knows about. And because it’s a private and almost empty account, Lu Yao dares to leave emoji responses and some comments from time to time.

Today, Lu Yao replied Qiao Chusheng’s post with five thumbs-ups and five fire emojis. On second thought, he adds:

“哥哥帅爆了! 哥哥看我一下~”*

Man Man looks over his shoulder to glance at the comment and rolls her eyes so hard that she almost pulls something in her neck. 

“You know, one of these days, if anyone finds out, you’re dead,” she shakes her head. “When that time comes, you’re on your own. Don’t expect me to clean up on your behalf. Also, Qiao-zong is only a year older than you are, and you’re calling him gege?”

“Hey!” Lu Yao exclaims, indignant, “I have to present myself as one of his young girl fans right? If anyone ever finds out about my account, i can at least roll my eyes and ask if I would ever sound this disgusting, and then people will think twice.”

“Okay, if not that, then could you please change your Weibo name? You’re embarrassing me!”

Lu Yao frowns, confused. He thinks @/三土葱油饼 is a great handle for a social media account.

The best thing is, Qiao-zong has been oddly responsive to social media post comments recently, and he banters hilariously with fans when he has the time. Lu Yao hasn’t gotten that privilege yet, but Qiao-zong seems to be liking a lot of his fans’ posts as well, at least for those who post in the first hour of his new post, and those get likes.

Recently, it has also been Lu Yao’s personal mission to leave a comment and get a like by his Qiao-zong.

“Yao Yao, you’re so stupid, you know that? Not every single fangirl has the opportunity that you do. You literally have an excuse to go see him, you actually have access to him, his office floor? Company events? What game are you playing, stalking him on Weibo?”

Lu Yao tunes her out a little. It’s pretty fun to him, to be able to openly appreciate all these hot and amazing photos of Qiao-zong. Here, he can stare to his heart’s content, and he doesn’t have to hold back when he makes his comments. If he met Qiao Chusheng in person...

Well, of course he wants that too, but would he be more disappointed if Qiao Chusheng barely looks at him, or ignores him? Lu Yao isn’t a small artiste by any measure, and he did win the newcomer award two years ago, but there are so many experienced and legendary colleagues in his company too. 

It is, after all, the country’s media and entertainment industry behemoth, and Lu Yao doesn’t have a complex - he knows what he’s worth right now, and it ain’t a whole damn lot.

When he comes out of the shower two hours later at home, he sees a notification on Weibo, and it says that @/乔楚生mmc has liked his comment! 

His day made, Lu Yao flops back onto his bed and conks out for the next 24 hours.

===

Lu Yao can only thank his lucky stars because someone up there must really be looking out for him. If not, how can anyone explain Qiao Chusheng turning up at his shoot so frequently the week after?

Before this, Lu Yao had literally never seen the man even once aside from that very first meeting that began this whole thirst journey for him, and this week, Qiao-zong has visited every single day.

Of course, it’s not like he’s here for Lu Yao. According to some of his cast mates, Qiao Chusheng’s younger sister Bai Youning wrote the script for the last stage of their filming before the production wraps up, and asked her brother to stay on set to watch every scene being filmed.

The scriptwriter is usually on set for the parts she writes, but this particular segment of filming happened to clash with her honeymoon period with her new husband, but did that stop her from being involved? Not at all, and so busy Qiao Chusheng has to sit his ass down, note down what’s happening, and report back to his adopted sister at the end of each day.

Sadly, this segment will only take five days or less to complete, which means Lu Yao won’t be able to stare at Qiao-zong for much longer.

When will he shine brightly enough to catch Qiao-zong’s attention?

At the thought, Lu Yao slaps his own cheeks.

He only thinks of Qiao Chusheng as eye candy. He’s after a visual feast whenever he logs onto Weibo to catch the man’s updates. Qiao Chusheng is a pillar of strength for him mentally.

Lu Yao has no other untoward fantasy or goals when it comes to Qiao Chusheng.

None at all.

===

Somehow, Lu Yao ends up all drunk and boneless in Qiao-zong’s laps at the end of the week. As they expected, filming wrapped up officially earlier in the evening after Lu Yao filmed his very last scene, and since the CEO was present, there was no reason not to treat everyone on the production to a good meal.

Man Man temporarily left ten minutes ago to take on a call for another possible role for Lu Yao, and the room was cleared when Qiao Chusheng offered to book three huge karaoke rooms upstairs for the crew and cast to continue their party at after their dinner.

Lu Yao has had a bit too much to drink, and Man Man isn’t around to direct him elsewhere, so when the room has emptied, he is still seated, staring at his empty glass of wine. 

Suddenly, he thinks of something, and immediately pats at his pockets for his phone. 

“... Lu-xiansheng,” a voice sounds, “You’re not going to join them upstairs?”

“Mmm,” Lu Yao nods, trying to focus on his phone screen. “Going home.”

A nice-sounding chuckle echoes through the room then, “Can you get home like this?”

“I’m going on Weibo. Man-jie will send me home,” Lu Yao responds, almost sulking a little as he tries to find his favourite Weibo account.

There’s a bit of silence after that, and before Lu Yao can even scroll through today’s updates, a hand closes over the screen.

“You’re drunk, Lu Yao,” the same person says again. “You really shouldn’t be on Weibo. What if you post something by accident?”

Lu Yao pauses, and then he shakes his head, “I’m not posting anything.”

He turns and shows his ‘friend’ his phone screen, “See? It’s a private account, and... and... and I’m just... going to check on my favourite account.”

“Even then,” the man says again, exceedingly gentle and patient, “You should only look at Weibo when you’re sober.”

“No!” Lu Yao protests. “I have to check. I check this account everyday. See? See?”

There’s a long, long moment of silence as Lu Yao scrolls his way down the account, detailing which are his favourite photos. The man lets him go on, and because he’s cold, Lu Yao inches even closer to him.

The last thing he remembers is his new friend taking his phone from him.

===

It’s painfully bright when he wakes up, the light triggering a headache even before he opens his eyes. When he does, however, Lu Yao has to take a long, long moment to figure out just where the fuck he is. 

He’s trying to massage the headache away with his fingers, seated up in bed but having zero energy to get out of it just yet, so when Qiao Chusheng walks through the door with a smile, Lu Yao just stares.

“You’re awake. Great, I got you some fried buns for breakfast, you okay with that? Man Man didn’t say you were on any sort of diet,” the man says casually, as if they are friends.

Lu Yao looks down at himself, and nearly jolts when he realizes he’s in nothing else but a bathrobe.

Before he can panic, Qiao Chusheng adds, “I thought you looked a little uncomfortable sleeping in your jeans and shirt yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” Lu Yao rasps, trying to wrap his head around why Qiao Chusheng is here, why they’re in a hotel room, and why the fuck the man is even speaking to him in the first place-

He must have inconvenienced the man last night while he was drunk, and instead of throwing him to Man Man, Qiao Chusheng decided to take care of him instead. Maybe Qiao Chusheng could have left him on the streets or something, but he is after all an artist under his company, and if anything strange happened because Lu Yao was drunk, it would be bad for the reputation and image of the company if word got out.

Yes, that’s the only explanation for this.

“I’m sorry for the trouble, Qiao-zong,” Lu Yao says, inching his way out of bed. 

“No trouble at all,” Qiao Chusheng replies. “Come and sit, have some breakfast before you go. I called Man Man, she should be here in a bit to pick you up.”

With that said, it isn’t good for Lu Yao to reject him and just run off no matter how much he wants to right now. He sits down opposite the man at the table, and then picks up the buns.

After he’s literally swallowed three whole buns, Qiao Chusheng comments idly, “I thought it was random when you chose your Weibo account handle, but it seems that you really like cong you bings?”

“Mnn,” Lu Yao nods, wolfing the buns down because he’s hungry as hell, and so he doesn’t’ really register the first part of the man’s sentence, not until he’s on the last bite of his bun.

And then he chokes.

“How did you-?!”

At that, Qiao Chusheng raises an eyebrow, “You showed me your phone yesterday, and introduced to me your favourite account.”

Lu Yao blanches, because he knows which account that is, and then Qiao Chusheng continues, amused, “You were telling me how nice his smile looks. How pretty his eyes are. How strong his arms probably are hidden under that suit. And that you guessed right, he actually does have six-pack-”

“Please stop,” Lu Yao croaks, mortified. “I...”

The man takes pity on him and stops as requested. Lu Yao is frozen in his seat, like a deer caught in headlights, wondering what he should say next.

Qiao Chusheng nods, “Would you like to have lunch with me later?”

“Are you firing me?”

“It’s just lunch,” he answers. “I’m technically your boss, so I understand if you’re uncomfortable with the idea but... we could do lunch, and see how it goes from there.”

And then Qiao Chusheng looks away a little, “And.. I may have been visiting the set not to supervise the interpretation of Youning’s script.”

Once again, it takes him a few solid seconds to connect the dots, and when it does, Lu Yao flushes completely red.

“... we could do lunch,” Lu Yao agrees finally. “But I have to go home and change first.”

When he looks up again, it’s that smile he sees.

===

Weeks later, Chusheng makes Lu Yao repeat every single message he’s left on his posts, all the embarrassing ones, refusing to move if he doesn’t. Lu Yao’s hands balls into fists in the sheets, and says no.

He left a lot of messages! How is he supposed to remember every single one of them?!

Chusheng makes a a convincing argument though, towering over him and not giving into Lu Yao’s requests to fuck him properly until Lu Yao says them. It ends with Lu Yao trying to concentrate enough to speak, word after word.

He’s going to unfollow his boyfriend on Weibo after this!

---

Notes:

1. Qiao Chusheng’s Weibo account name is @/乔楚生mmc = Qiao Chusheng MMC, and this is taken directly from Zhang Yunlong’s own Weibo handle, which is 张云龙mmc. MMC, as I recently found out from Hanyi, stands for mao mao chong = caterpillar/worm? HAHAHAHA

2. Lu Yao’s handle is @/三土葱油饼 = San Tu Cong You BIng, which is a combination of the name San Tu and his favourite fried buns HAHAHA that’s how QCS was inspired to buy fried buns for Lu Yao the morning after

3. The comment that Lu Yao left in Chinese above is: “哥哥帅爆了! 哥哥看我一下~” = Gege you’re handsome af, take a look at me please! Something like that, he was definitely kind of joking when he posted that, but you can imagine Lu Yao being a little troublemaker by posting those comments and once QCS realized it was him, it was payback time? Of course, QCS likes to hear his baobei Lu Yao say anything <3