#how to lose weight at 40 female

[motionapp]

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[frownyalfred]

Narratively speaking, when should the batkids be able to beat Batman single-handedly? Sure, Cass can do it already and Dick is seen as above or on Batman's level but what are your thoughts on this? It's always hard to do this stupid power level stuff because the character you want to win is obviously gonna win, but you still have to show that Batman is this super ubermensch martial artist who always has a plan and whose goal is to make his kids surpass him but then how do you do that? When can you say, "yeah Batman's cool and all but [enter batkid's name] would totally wipe the floor with the old man if they were to fight 1v1"? This is extremely exaggerated but you get what I mean, right?

I'm genuinely fascinated by this question and I thought I could just ask you.

Thanks!😀

Yeah, it’s all biased like you pointed out since we all want our special blorbo to be the most special blorbo, even in situations where the logic gets pretty thin.

The thing with Bruce is, in his prime, he’s a god-tier fighter for multiple reasons. He’s got insane training under his belt, he’s at or above peak physical human conditioning, he’s trained to think strategically about combat, he’s fast for his size (despite his size), and he’s BIG.

The last one is so important. He’s anywhere from 6’ to 6’4, 190 to 240 lbs of muscle, etc. He’s not losing to most people in a fair fight! And he’s definitely not losing to someone much shorter and lighter than him when it comes to sheer power.

What’s interesting about the comics is that they largely argue that Bruce losing these 1v1s comes down to skill and experience. Cass trained for years to be a weapon, and her advanced training is what supposedly tips the scales in her favor. Same thing with Damian. Bruce makes the argument that enough training can create conditions for his Robins to surpass him, like you mentioned.

But is that actually a fair determinator of a fight? Can most if not all advantages Bruce might have in a fight with a woman half his size be overcome by volume or rigor of training?

It’s the comics, so the answer changes depending on what’s intriguing and fun. We can oscillate between Bruce being the ultimate overpowered fighter who can’t ever lose and Bruce getting his ass handed to him by his kids because it all comes down to power ranking, which is SO subjective.

Should the Batkids be able to beat him? In my opinion, not when he’s in his prime and it’s a fair fight. That isn’t me saying that they can’t win 1v1 through skill, misdirection, getting lucky, etc.

That’s not me trying to shit on female fighters either. Dick carrying 30-40 lbs less muscle than Bruce puts him at a disadvantage too. Jason being the same weight but not as fast/nimble puts him at a disadvantage to Bruce. Damian being a child fighting an adult will ALWAYS result in an unbalanced fight.

If you’ve ever squared up with a heavier, larger, more skilled opponent — especially if you’re a woman and they’re a man — one of the first things you have to learn is that, when it comes to pure strength, you cannot hope to win. It is an inherent advantage, and why we have weight classes for fighting.

Your goal is to figure out a way to get around that advantage. To be smarter, or faster. We teach women about throws and the benefits of having a lower center of gravity. We teach kids the benefits of being flexible or smaller in certain holds. Things like that.

But comics aren’t real life. The better question is, have we overpowered Bruce in a way that makes taking him down a peg or two somewhat difficult or implausible? How can we better show his flaws and complexity as a character when the stakes get set too high?

[toxicroyjamie]

https://www.tumblr.com/mitskijamie/762470320932274176/roy-restricting-jamies-calories-and-making-him?source=share

I feel like some people really went wild with interpreting Roy throwing Jamie's Saucy Ball™ at the wall at Ola's as a diet restriction thing when like... I thought maybe Roy was just being a dramatic cunt. Like they think almond mom Roy is in the source material and it simply is not. I mean maybe it WAS his way of being like "gonna be stricter with your eating" if it was like a greasy sugary dessert, but even so, a strict diet for a footballer is still mostly fucking carbs. And protein, but like so many carbs, including "bad" white carbs. The calorie intake is so high. I've seen fic where they're like, Roy not letting Jamie have pasta! Pasta is like 40% of a "strict" football diet! Where are they getting this interpretation from? (This might be out of pocket but that it makes me think it's mostly done by female-identifying people applying shit they've subconsciously onboarded as to what "healthy eating" looks like - which is synonymous with "weight loss for women" and nothing even close to "building a high functioning athletic machine"

I do think it was an "I'm restricting your diet starting now" thing, but I think it was more like "this has too much sugar and fat and not enough lean protein and complex carbohydrates" and less like "this is too many calories, you need to be Skinny" yk. It just bothers me how people don't consider what the actual goals of Jamie's diet plan would be and think that the end all be all of any nutritional regimen is losing as much weight as possible

So like yes I completely agree, I absolutely think it mostly comes from people repackaging diet fads marketed to women

[smegmafactory4ever]

How to improve swag?

You have to first or all improve confidence, this is key. In order to do that you have to realize what you actually look like and how your body is shaped. Accept that. You can't change how/where your body stores fat and you can't change your face shape. Exercise is also good to boost self esteem but not if you do it in a gross and anorexic way. It's not about losing weight or getting abs or bigger arms. It's about making you feel stronger and more capable.

Now that we fixed self esteem let's go on to your wardrobe. Figure out what colors and cuts actually look good on you. You don't want anything that's too similar to your skintone but also you don't want colors that make you washed out. You'll just have to figure that one out yourself. Also figure out if gold or silver jewelery looks better on you. Find a signature to your style, for me it's thick PA piercings instead of earrings. People are obsessed. When it comes to wardrobe you need to get a few bold pieces, something that demands attention. This does not necessarily mean it has to be revealing. For me it's mostly about patterns (but also male cleavage). For one of my female friends it's sparkling silver dresses (she's got a short one but also a long one so it's not about how much she's showing. It's that silver demands attention and really shows off her tan and light eyes). You'll figure this out eventually, you'll probably have a few misses at first but you'll see what you gravitate towards and you'll see what actually looks good on you, the ideal choice is most often a middle ground between these. Also a good idea to get a fresh cut (and maybe a fresh color if you dye your hair or don't like your natural hair that much). Keeping your hair looking fresh is a game changer. Right color is also a gamechanger but most people probably already have the right color tbh, doesn't mean you can't enhance it a little bit. If you're going for 100% natural hair color make sure your hair looks actually healthy and well groomed.

As far as personality goes if you're not a social butterfly you'll just have to do speed in social settings. I'd say cocaine but you have to fix up every 30-40 minutes, you'll end up overdoing and people will notice and you'll trashy. Speed on the other hand you can do like 2-3 times for the entire night, you won't get visibly high but you'll be more chatty and more confident, weirdly a way better listener too. Everyone who's met me when I was on speed looooooved me.

[universaltribalsimp]

Name: Negascruff (nega + megastar + scruff)

Type: Normal/Fighting

Category: Big Puppy Pokemon

Height: 1'02" (0.36 m)

Weight: 19.5 lbs (8.85 kg)

Gender Ratio: 50% male, 50% female

Ability: Moxie (HA: Acknowledgment - Prevents opposing Pokémon from fleeing from battle)

Learnset: Tackle, Lick, Baby-Doll Eyes, Endure, Crunch, Roar, Bite, Submission, Superpower

Dex Entries:

Despite its size, Negascruff can hit like a truck. A tackle from this Pokemon can bring down the strongest of doors.

This little fella tries its hardest to prove itself to humans and fellow Pokemon. Most just want it to go away forever.

It is said that this Pokemon was once part of a trio of vigilantes. After a horrible betrayal, it chooses to fight alone.

A few people adore Negascruff, but the vast majority couldn't care less to put it lightly. This rubs the poor guy the wrong way.

Stats:

HP: 65

Atk: 70

Def: 40

Sp.Atk: 40

Sp.Def: 40

Speed: 45

Total: 300

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Negascruff evolves into Fallenine starting at level 35 while holding the Golden Belt.

The Golden Belt is an item that gives the holder a 60% chance of landing a critical hit but drains 1/10 of the holder's HP each turn.

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Name: Fallenine (fallen + canine + "fall in line")

Type: Dark/Fighting

Category: Fallen Hero Pokemon

Height: 4'11" (1.50 m)

Weight: 139.7 lbs (63.4 kg)

Gender Ratio: 50% male, 50% female

Ability: Acknowledgment (HA: Moxie)

Learnset: Crunch, Lick, Body Slam, Sucker Punch, Hammer Arm, Fake Tears, Fly, Submission, Night Slash

Dex Entries:

After Negascruff acquired the Golden Belt, that's when it snapped. It forces everyone around to acknowledge it.

This Pokemon wants nothing more than the world's attention and respect. It will even resort to beating it out of anyone.

It's said that the years of trauma and torment transformed Negascruff into Fallenine. The Golden Belt was just the final push.

No matter how much this Pokemon despises the world for how it treated it, there's still a part of it that wants to do right.

Stats:

HP: 80

Atk: 85

Def: 50

Sp.Atk: 75

Sp.Def: 60

Speed: 70

Total: 420

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Fallenine evolves into Luponic at level 45+ after landing 4 critical hits using the move "Morality Punch" without the Golden Belt.

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Name: Luponic (Canis lupus + Byronic)

Type: Fighting/Dark

Category: Grey Hero Pokemon

Height: 6'03" (1.91 m)

Weight: 287.3 lbs (130.3 kg)

Gender Ratio: 50% male, 50% female

Ability: Moxie (HA: Acknowledgment)

Learnset: Crunch, Lick, Fly, Facade, Taunt, Submission, Superpower, Body Slam, Hyper Fang, Drain Punch

Signature Move: Morality Punch

Category: Physical

Type: ---

Power: 95

Accuracy: 100%

PP: 5 (max. 8)

After powering up, the user punches the target. This move is either Fighting or Dark type, depending on which deals more damage to the target.

Dex Entries:

Those who break away from the Golden Belt's influence can become Luponic. It still has a rough edge, but now it uses that for good.

This Pokemon is still as big a menace it was as Fallenine. The difference is that its dark nature is used against bigger evils.

The punches of Luponic are practically unparalleled. Fueled by its conflicting morality, a single punch can knock out the strongest of Pokemon.

Despite its dark nature, Luponic is a loyal and loving Pokemon to those it considers its family. It just takes a lot of love and understanding.

Stats:

HP: 100

Atk: 130

Def: 95

Sp.Atk: 95

Sp.Def: 80

Speed: 100

Total: 600

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In the words of Agent Stone, he's back. HE'S BAAAAAAAAACK!!

After losing the Undisputed title at WrestleMania 40 and being MIA since then, the Original Tribal Chief makes his grand return at SummerSlam! And he even came out with the WM40 version of his theme, which might be better than the original, but more on that in a little bit. I've tried making a Pokemon based on Roman Reigns a couple of times in the past… with awful results. This time around, however, I think I can say with full confidence that this is my Tribal Chief as a Pokemon. And it's my first pseudo-legendary too!

So the main thing that inspire me to make this kind is the first place is WM40 version of "Head of the Table" - officially named "I Am Greatness". It has a sort of antihero/last-minute hero vibe to me. Like just when all hope seems lost, this guy shows up. He may not be a typical hero, but damn it, he's here to help. As you can see, the entire line is based on a dog. I wasn't looking at any particular breed of dog, but Negascruff does give off husky energy, while Luponic is basically a grey wolf. However, they're not just regular dogs. They're Hainus, winged dogs from Japanese mythology. Just as menacing to humans as wolves, but are capable of becoming loyal and loving pets. The entire line also references stock superheroes with the mask-like pattern around the eyes, while the multiple stripes along their right eyes is a clear nod to Roman's tattoos. And of course, they all share the same clipped ear because nothing screams Fighting-type like scars and clipped ears.

But now let's go over each Pokemon one by one. Negascruff is based on the "Big Dog" run when the WWE was trying SO DESPERATELY to push Roman as the big face of the company and the fans weren't having it. And that's putting it lightly, just as lightly as the dex entries explain. Hell, even the name is kinda messed up. Combining "scruff" with "nega" (denoting the negative counterpart of a unit of measurement) and "megastar", it's pretty much saying he's not a star, but he's trying so hard to convince everyone that he is. And you know what's funny? I gave Negascruff blue eyes, almost forgetting that Roman wore blue contacts at the time, which is something I'm sure a lot of us will never understand.

Now things get a little scary once the Golden Belt gets involved. As you can probably tell, the Golden Band is the Pokemon version of the Undisputed title with some mild corruptive properties. Remember the Smackdown after Roman faced Jey Uso in an "I Quit" Match at Hell in a Cell 2020 and Jey was like "This title got you trippin', Uce!"? That's what I had in mind when crafting up the Golden Belt. I also thought of the same episode when Roman told Jey to "fall in line", which sounds pretty similar to the name "Fallenine". Speaking of Fallenine, it's based on Roman's "Tribal Chief" run with those red diamonds representing the Ula Fala Roman wore at the PLEs. It also takes on a more demon-like appearance with its red eyes, bat-like wings, and its ears turning into horns. The reason for that is to allude to the concept of "fallen angels". Negascruff was just a lonely and traumatized little guy trying to prove himself, but the world just shutting him down and like one of the dex entries states, he just snapped. You can only push good people so far before they finally decide to push back.

And finally, we have Luponic, which is probably my favorite of the trio. However, this is when the source of inspiration gets a little personal. Luponic is based on Roman's "Original Tribal Chief" run… which barely even started, but it's more based on how I think this version of Babyface Roman would act. I don't think he's gonna be a straightforward babyface. I think he's gonna be more of an antihero of sorts. He's still gonna be a menace, but it's just to the bad guys now. And that's exactly what Luponic is: a hero whose morality lies somewhere in the middle, but still doing some good. Its design references this even further by combining the colors of the good-natured Negascruff and the absolute menace Fallenine, as well as fusing their wings. After all, things aren't always black and white.

And now to decide what to give Luponic - a Mega Evolution or a Gigantamax form?

[catdragonstella]

Semi open specie Aurlumis

Get your pens and notes ready. Prof Stella is gonna give you a anatomy lacture)

Basic anatomy

They are 2 times bigger than black panther and weight around 230 pounds, they can run to 50-72 km/h and are extremly inteligent and can live up to 40 years. They are ambivores and can shape-shift into four different types. (Their normal form, mouse, bird and fish). They are loyal and have sense of graditute.

Ear Feelers

They are the most important organs for the Aurlumis. It's used for communications, mating and for establishing territory againts other Aurlumises. The thickness and length is based how much of their pheromones their body produce, the length represent how much pheromones they produce and thickness how the intense the smell is. If Aurlumis has short feelers, it means that their body produce little amount of pheromones, but it's as affective as normal. Thin, short feelers are problematic, because they have problems picking the scent and the pheromones isn't as noticable. (Normal aurlumis pheromones can be picked by other aurlumis around 50 km, thin, long: 20 km. Thin short: 9 km) the small orbs on each feeler is used for releasing and picking the pheromones in the air.

Gender

The only way to established Aurlumis gender is by the smell of the pheromones. Females have strong sweet scent that smells like fruit, that they produce massively during mating season and males pheromones smells like wood and rust to established dominance and territory. (Fun fact: Vizie smells like Kiwi and Dragon fruit)

Kits

Offsprings are born around the fall and are extremly fluffy at young age, so their body tempature doesn't drop, when winter comes. Their body doesn't produce pheromones yet, so their mother and father licks their scent on them to easily find them and keep track of them. They aren't able to walk until the first week of living, but their eyes open immediately after they are born, since Aurlumises eyes are sensitive towards light and colors. At teens their feelers starts to grow, tails are growing and they are losing fur on their chest and tails. The kits stays with their parents for about 2 years, until they are fully grown adults.

Fur

Their fur is extremly soft and can have any colors. They are losing the extra fur after the first Winter on their necks and tails.

Mouth and claws

They usually hides them, because they are peacefull creatures. It's bigger possibilty that they will rather try run away from danger than fight, unless they are feeling threatened, or they hunt. The claws can easily cut through bones and their jaws can have force of 1, 070 psi.

Autor's note: Sorry for the long lecture and i hope you enjoy this small anatomy lesson. The Aurlumis specie is gift to my friend @clock-onyx. Go support their work, they are amaizing artist.

[bellofthemeadow]

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Country Singer!Joel Miller x Female Reader

This is my entry for the 1k event found on @pedrostories

Trope: Forced Proximity

Masterlist

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 12.7K (T.T Sorry )

Story Summary: Amidst a raging storm, an unexpected meeting thrusts you into forced proximity with former country sensation, Joel Miller, in the midst of an isolated nowhere. As the evening unfolds, filled with tension and vulnerability, both of you unveil the depths of your grief and heartaches. Through this shared journey of sorrow, an unanticipated bond forms, and maybe some light at the end of the storm.

Warning: Mentioned of death, TLOU canonical character death, mentioned of attempted suicide, depression, mental health struggle, referenced to cheating, angst, hurt and comfort, allusion of alcoholism, self hatred, smut, sexual intercourse, P in V, oral (female receiving), no protection, one night stand, age gap (late 20s/early 30s Reader with mid 40s Joel(No Minors Allowed! Thank you)

Notes: Hey everyone, I am taking a short break from my regular story to enter the 1K event on @pedrostories. What was supposed to be a short one shot, became an almost 13k word Behemoth! Although this is intended as a standalone, I found myself really liking the universe and the characters. If any of you would be interested to see more of the universe, I would be super open to making a second and a third part  😀 🤞 😀   

Let me know what you all think and if you'd like to see more of it and if you enjoy the story. I always love to hear what you all think!

Again, thank you to everybody, I love you all so much xxx Sending you all the love and support wherever you are ❤️ 

(SMUT BETWEEN **** SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT****)

Joel Miller sat hunched next to the large stone hearth, He carved a solemn figure in the corner of his secluded cabin. Far into the woods and away from the rest of the world, he had called this place his home for the past decade. Clutched in his hands was a photograph —a young girl, her long curly hair and dusky complexion frozen in a smile that still reached into his very soul and threaten to rip it out everything he looked at it. That smile, oh, how he longed to see it again, it had been his only wish for so long. Even for just minute, a mere second; he would gladly give his soul to have his life lighted by the smile of his babygirl just one last time.

With a gentle touch, Joel traced the delicate outline of his daughter, the girl whose absence had dug a profound whole in his heart. One that could never be mended again. It was ten years today, Joel thought bitterly. But still, he clung to her memory fiercely, fearing the gradual fading that time brings to everything. He dreaded the thought of losing the vividness with which he saw her now, a fear that gripped him tighter as the years moved forward. The details that once were clear as the early morning dew now seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand. The echo of her laughter, the title of the last book she held in her hands, the subtle nuances that made her unique—he struggled to grasp them, and this realization filled him with fear and hatred. What kind of father forgot about his babygirl?

Was her sneeze loud as his own, or was it a delicate sound, more like a sweet whisper? The uncertainty gnawed at him, a relentless reminder of the gaps in his mind. Why couldn't he rememeber? What if a day came when he could no longer conjure the contours of her sweet face or the mischievous curve of her teasing smile? The thought was unbearable, the guilt consuming him more each days.

Joel’d never considered himself an exemplary father, he grappled with the weight of regret for being too engrossed in his career to give his daughter a normal childhood. The rhythm of their lives was not marked by little league games and playdates with neighbours; instead, it was deafining with the roar of tour buses and the pungent scent of roadies, accompanied by the loud cheering of fans all over the country. Sarah’s life had always been unorthodox and it had been his fault—home tutoring replaced high school classrooms, the lessons fitting in the gaps between Nashville and Austin, where he recorded albums to give entertainment to the world. Something that, looking back, seemed futile and completely stupid. He would give all of his money, awards and recognition away just to hold his Sarah one more time.

When she died, he was stripped bare, nothing left inside the whole where his heart had once been. And Joel found himself adrift, the passion for his craft evaporating. How could he make music without the sound of a heart that once beat in harmony with his daughter's laughter? The will to create, the desire that once fueled his artistry, had lost its pulse. The prospect of touring, once thrilling and freeing, now seemed like an empty road stretching into oblivion. What purpose did it serve if Sarah was no longer there to illuminate the stage of his life? The exhilaration of performance, the applause that once gave him purpose—these fragments of success had become hollow, devoid of meaning.

It was not all bleak though, amidst the darkness of his existence, there were moments where the good outweighed the bad. Nights brought dreams of Sarah, where her presence was vibrant and tangible. In those dreams, she would look at him with that familiar smile, and for a fleeting instant, the chasm between what was dead and alive seemed to bridged together. Joel would see her as clear as day, sitting together in their old house, the echoes of their conversations resonating through is sleeping form. It seemed like hours would melt away as Joel and Sarah would delve into discussions about music and school sharing stories that held a fragile thread between past and present. But in the end, dawn would inevitably break, and reality would reassert its grip. Joel would inevitably wake up, the cabin steeped in an unsettling silence, his heart laden with the guilt and grief of her absence. Those dreams were his sanctuary, a bittersweet realm where he could briefly hold onto the warmth of what once was. But he couldn't live in dreams, and now even those moments that seemed to make life bearable were starting to wade in their appeal; they appear more cruel than kind as every mornings killed him a little more.

A resounding clap of thunder reverberated through the confines of the cabin. In its wake, a brilliant flash of lightning pierced the darkness. Joel sighed heavily and the raindrops began their relentless descent upon the cabin's roof and walls. It seems like the world outside mirrored his internal turmoil, the tempestuous weather a reflection of the storm within. 3652 days had slipped by a relentless procession of time. 87,648 hours of unbearable absence. Each passing moment stretched into an eternity, a cruel reminder of how long he had been without his cherished little girl.

Immersed in this ceaseless torrent of sorrow, he existed in a realm of suspended animation. Every action felt like a monumental effort, and the concept of simply being felt like an insurmountable challenge. The world around him had dimmed, muted by the overwhelming weight of his emotions. In this somber existence, even the simple act of drawing breath carried the weight of an arduous task. The colors had faded from his world, leaving behind a landscape of gray and desolation, mirroring the emptiness within.

His hand reached out, fingers closing around the cool neck of the whiskey bottle resting on the low table before him. A pang of bitter guilt tightened within him—he could almost hear his little Sarah's admonishment, disapproving of the choice he was about to make. She always hated the strong smell of liquor that would linger on his old leather jacket when they would go on tour.  His eyes drifted toward the shotgun that rested next to the door, his heart seized tightly within his chest. Maybe tonight he would do it, he thought. Maybe tonight he would free himself from the pain and the guilt of an existence without Sarah.

In the stillness of the cabin, Joel's voice trembled with pain and longing as he whispered, "To you, babygirl, I miss you so much."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Loud knocks echoed through the quiet cabin, making Joel freeze in his tracks. Raindrops kept beating in a frenzied rhythm on the roof, their clamour joining forces with the unexpected raps. Joel couldn’t remember the last time someone had knocked on his door. With how remote cabin the cabin was, there was hardly any visitors, ever. Only his brother Tommy and his old manager Tess knew about this place. Tess used to drop by every now and then, hoping he'd start working on a new album (which would never happened). But now she knew better than that.

With slow and deliberate movements, Joel set the bottle onto the table's worn surface, his movement unhurried as if not to disturb the tension that now hung in the air. His gaze swept the room, his gaze landing again on the shotgun near the entrance. He grabbed it and made his way to the entrance. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be a zealous fan who had somehow found his address. He really wasn’t in the mood tonight to re-enact Misery.

He swung the door open, his irritation peaking, prepared to confront whoever was bothering him on this day above all others.

"I don't know if ya capable of reading,", his voice dripping like venom, seeping with annoyance, "but in case ya missed it, there's a 'Private Property' sign right on the..."

You sat on the large leather couch, trying to make yourself as small as possible while your body shivered involuntarily as the chill from your drenched clothes seemed to seep into your very bones. You didn't want to be here. The man who opened the door for you certainly didn't want you here. But the violent storm outside had other ideas. The dirt paths of the forest had turned muddy and slippery and the force of the wind and rain had completely obscured your vision, there was no way you could have made it back to your car in those conditions. So when you had spotted the cabin as you were looking for shelter, you had almost cried in happiness. Now you weren't so sure as anxiety gripped you. You replayed the moments after the door swung open, revealing a stern looking man who eyed you with a mixture of surprise and suspicion. The hint of a shotgun nearby had done nothing but intensify your fear. For a second you had wanted to bolt from the place, but you had no other choice. In the end the man had let you in, simply introducing himself as Joel.

Clutching your arms around yourself in a futile attempt to generate warmth, you look around yourself at the interior of the cabin. Surveying your surroundings, the rustic charm of the living room did little to alleviate your anxious mind. The ambiance should have felt cozy, even romantic in any other circumstances, with the warm wooden decor and the crackling fireplace. But under the weight of your current predicaments, thoughts of roasting marshmellows and teasing kisses were at the back of your mind.

You were alone, drenched to the bone, in the company of a man you knew nothing about. Shit that was exactly how people died in horror movies. I am totally going to get myself killed, you despair frantically. They’ll find my body dismembered in a bunch of little pieces all over the forest, your mind supplied unhelpfully.

You tried to calm  yourself as best as you could, taking deep breath in an attempt to settle your mind. Frustated, you pulled out your phone. The meager 8% battery life and lack of data coverage was a sobering reminder of the shit you were in. If anything were to go awry, if this Joel turned out to be less than accommodating, you'd be stranded with no means of communication.

You had shared your plans for the day with your friend Chrissy mentionning how you were going to take the Broken Bow trails to. But even then, you two had been texting sporadically since you left DC so you were fully expecting her not to worry until several days had passed. Not ideals if you were to disapear without a trace. So, if Joel shifted from hospitable to hostile, no one would be none the wiser. And you would become forest fertilizer.

At this point, you were hoping that Joel would be more the flower and wine type instead of rope and chainsaws. Speak of the devil, the man appeared in the doorway, his large frame illuminated by a flash of lightning. In his arms, he was holding what you believed to be clothes "Got these for ya," he stated curtly, his gaze holding yours for a fleeting moment before he gestured vaguely toward the stairs. "Shower’s up those stairs. Go change and I’ll get some coffee on the stove. It'll warm ya up"

Your initial instinct was to decline, you began to stammer, only to be met with Joel stern gaze "I ain’t letting ya freeze to death in my livin’ room," He stated firmly his tone a command that quashed any protests. His words were spoken clearly, and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. "Now go," he added, his tone leaving no room for negotiation.

Under the weight of his stern order, nervousness bubbled within you, mingling with a touch of gratitude. The contrast between his gruff demeanour and the kind gesture of care left you momentarily speechless. All you could do was nod, your voice silenced by his unspoken authority.

With a whispered "thank you," you accepted the bundle of clothes from his hands, your fingers brushing against his in a fleeting spark of connection. Without further words, you turned and hastened toward the staircase, his gaze lingering on your retreating form for a moment before he turned his attention to the kitchen where the coffee was. The stairs creaked under your hurried ascent, each step carrying you further away from the enigmatic man who had offered you shelter in this storm.

Twenty minutes slipped past quickly, after the hell of a day you'd just had, you felt like you were in heaven. The sensation of being washed clean, wrapped in warmth, and clad in what you swear were the coziest clothes you’d ever felt on your skin. A pair of well-worn gray sweatpants and a faded band shirt clung to you like a reassuring hug. You sighed contendly before meeting your own gaze in the bathroom mirror.

Looking back at yourself, you started to contemplate that you would soon have to venture downstairs to thank Joel. At the thought, a flutter of nervousness twirled in your stomach. The bathroom, with its locked door, felt safe, shielding you from the uncertainties of the rest of the night. Staying here, was tempting, at least until morning. Even if Joel had been nice so far, you didn’t know the guy from Adam. But in the end, you knew that you couldn’t just hold the guy’s bathroom hostage. Plus, practical needs called—you had to charge your phone, and the promise of warm coffee was hard to resist. Pushing a damp strand of hair behind your ear, you started to quietly make your way downstair. Praying to every Gods you knew that Joel was the good samaritan he seemed to be.

Returning to the living room, your gaze settled on Joel, perched on the same leather couch where you had sat earlier before he directed you to the shower. On the floor nearby lay some old rags, sopping wet with the water that had seeped in along with your drenched clothes.

Joel sat with a tensed back; his focus consumed by something he held in his hands. Tentative steps carried you closer, each one a whisper of uncertainty. Yet, despite your movements, the man remained oblivious, lost in whatever held his attention.

You approached with trepidation, your heartbeat quickening in the otherwise silent room. Your eyes flicked to the object in his hands, curiosity mingling with your apprehension. Peering over his shoulder, your breath caught as your gaze locked onto the image, he was engrossed in. A young girl, staring back at you with a bright, innocent smile that seemed to transcend even the still image of the photograph.

The room seemed to hold its breath, a moment suspended between your gaze and the photograph. "She's really pretty," you ventured softly, your voice a hesitant thread. Joel's response was sharp, almost as if you had slapped him. "... she was," his words carried a weight that hung between you both, heavy with a bittersweet melancholy. As your heart clenched at his words, understanding washing over you like a cold shower.

An awkwardness settled in the air, thickening the silence. You felt the pulse of your heart, its rhythm echoing the sense of disquiet that now swirled around you. Meeting his gaze, you found yourself lost in the depths of his sad brown eyes.

Summoning your courage, you utter "Thank you again for saving my skin out there," your words wavered slightly, betraying your uneasy timidity. "I put my wet clothes on the rack in the bathroom to dry. Hopefully, they'll be alright by morning, and I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible." The words tumbled out in a rush.

Joel's gaze remained on you, as if he was studying you intently, trying to unravel something beneath the surface. His response was measured, his voice carrying a southern twang "... 'tis no problem," he conceded after a beat. "Coffee should be ready," he added.

You nodded and followed in the wake of Joel's towering form. Along one wall, your eyes landed on an acoustic guitar that with the dust covering it, seemed to have remained untouched for a while. Intrigued, you couldn't help but point at it as Joel poured the rich black liquid into your mug. "You play?"

The response was understated, but you could tell there was more to say to this story. "... used to."

You took the hint, choosing not to pry further. At the very least, Joel didn't strike you as the stuff of horror movies; in fact, there was something about him that felt invitingly genuine. A warm and gentle gruffness that seemed lost in this day and age. As he poured coffee into your mug, your gaze wandered over him, observing the details that your earlier unease had masked.

Joel, in his rugged masculinity, demanded attention by his very presence. His size and broadness were emphasized by the worn flannel he wore, his biceps and shoulders hinting at strength beneath. Shaggy brown hair carried threads of white, suggesting a long life lived. You guessed he must be in his mid-40s. As he extended the cup toward you, his face once again came into view, and you couldn't help but acknowledge the magnetic allure he commanded.

But there was a sadness etched into those handsome features, an undertone that tugged at your curious nature. Your earlier observation seemed validated by his demeanour—tired and burdened. His reaction to the photograph had been a cryptic puzzle piece that hinted at a story you could only begin to piece together. Silently, you returned to the living room, the space that now felt familiar in its strangeness. As you both settled back down on the couch, Joel offered a comfortable-looking blanket, a gesture that warmed you in more ways than one. "Here, it's cold."

His soft gaze met yours, accompanied by a tentative smile. You felt yourself burned under his gaze, a response to the genuine kindness he radiated. Accepting the blanket, you cocooned yourself within its folds, savouring the moment with this stranger with a larger heart than most of your old friends.

A comfortable silence enveloped the room, your shared presence settling into a serene rhythm as you both sip your coffee. Then, Joel's voice cut through the quiet, breaking the spell. "I put your phone on the charge. I hoped it's okay."

The unexpected statement jolted you slightly, and you responded quickly, "Yeah, it's alright. Thank you so much." Your gratitude was met with silence from Joel.

His hand reached for a bottle of whiskey positioned beside the photograph you had noticed earlier "You mind?" he inquired, and without words, you extended your mug, a silent affirmation that brought a warm laugh from Joel. The sound resonated in the room, carrying a hint of teasing as he added a splash of whiskey to your coffee before topping his own. You found yourself loving the way he sounded when he laughed.

Your lips curved into a wry smile as you voiced the irony that hovered between you. "I know I shouldn't, a girl all alone in a cabin with a strange man who gets drunk on whiskey, its literally the beginning of a horror movie." Your words carried a touch of dry self-awareness. "But at this point, I guess that if you wanted to cut me up and dump me in your backyard, you would've done it already."

Joel's response was immediate, his words laced with dry amusement. "Not really my style. Too messy."

You met his words with a dry look, "That's good to know," the exchange drew the first genuine smile from Joel.

"So, what's your story? Why're ya in the woods in the middle of the night?" Your reaction was a scoff, a playfulness smirk edging on your face.  

"I mean, it's 9 pm. Hardly the middle of the night." However, your attempt to downplay the situation was met with an unimpressed eyebrow raise from Joel. He kept on looking at you, as he sipped his spiced coffee, a silent challenge written in his eyes. You wiggled under his stare feeling bare and open, your most secret parts expose for Joel's eyes to explore.

One part of your brain insisted that you shut up, keep the conversation brief, feign a headache, and retire for the night. However, another part of your mind encouraged you to confide in him, to share the minutiae of pain and heartache that you had carefully concealed since leaving DC. It urged you to unseal the chest you had locked away and pour out its contents – the essence of your soul – at his feet.The thought crossed your mind that Joel likely didn't receive many visitors in this cabin in the middle of nowhere, if any at all.

Leaning into the quiet intimacy of the moment, you found yourself opening up to him, allowing the words to flow from you like the torrential rain falling outside. "Well, I was a project manager back in DC, worked that job for about four years after college," you began. Memories of your time in the office flitted through your mind, remembering the long hours that stretched long into the night and the thankless faces you would see everyday.

You continued, "There had been some layoffs happening, but my boss told me I'd be fine." Your voice carried a tinge of bitterness, a lingering taste of disappointment. "Turns out I wasn't fine. She called me into the office last month, told me to pack my things, and said security would escort me off the premises." The raw frustration in your words was still palpable, "Like I was a fucking criminal!"

The expletive slipped from your lips, your emotions laid bare, you met Joel's gaze but he simply shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Like he was feeling the same emotions as you, like he was angry on your behalf. He then opened his mouth in a low whistle steeped in your shared indignation. "What a bitch," he declared emphatically.

A wry smile touched your lips as you continued, recounting the details of that shitty day that had changed everything for you.  "And that's not all," you added, "So, I'm hysterical, you know? I just lost my job and all." You took a deep breath, "I call my boyfriend, but no answer. I figure he's busy. It's the middle of the day, so I think nothing of it. So, I get to our apartment. I open the door, and there's clothes all over the place, like a goddam hurricane happened. And then, I hear that bastard going at it in the bedroom." A groan escaped you, still pained at what you had found that day.

Joel said nothing but extended the bottle to you, an unspoken gesture. You grabbed the bottle, the whiskey warmed your throat as you took a hearty sip, to settle your nerves and your heart.

All the while, Joel remained silent, his presence a steady anchor, "So yeah, he was screaming, she was screaming, and I was screaming," memory seemed distant, a scene from another life, like you were watching a movie "I was so angry. I could have throttled them." The bitterness was palpable in your words, "But in the end, the apartment was under his name, because I had moved into his place, and we hadn't renewed the lease yet."

So that was it, loss layered upon loss until even the space you had called home was stripped away. "So, he basically told me to pack up my shit and leave. Which mind you, I was more than happy to." you added.

 But then, you got quiet, That night, I found myself in a McDonald's drive-through, and it struck me that within a single day, I had lost my job, my boyfriend, and my apartment," your voice softened as you recollected everything that had gone wrong so quickly. "So, I made the choice to leave DC, to escape the city," you went on, "I suppose I was hoping to discover what direction I truly wanted my life to take."

"And now you're here," Joel supplied.

"And now I am here," you echoed.

Joel's hand reached out, his touch a silent comfort on your arm, skin raising under his touch as if he was setting it on fire. His voice was gentle as he spoke, his empathy evident. "'M sorry 'tis happened to ya sweetheart, it ain't right."

You felt yourself clench at the endearing word, a small timid smile tugged at your lips, "Yeah, that's life though," you replied, "Sometimes it hits you, and there's nothing you can do about it, My mom told me once that it's not about how many times you fall down, it's about how many times you can get back up. And even though all that's happened hurt like hell, I won't let that define who I am."

Joel's gaze bore into you, “You ‘ma seems like a smart woman.”

You smile a bit at his words, “She is, you'd like her. She isn’t the type to appear on people’s porches in the middle of the night.” You joke.

“Thought it was jus’ 9 pm?” Now you let out a loud guffaw, “Joel are you teasing me?” Your only answer was a sign of Joel’s hand motioning toward the bottle that you still held in your hands. You handed it over, watching as he took a hearty sip himself, copying your earlier movement.

"Her name was Sarah," Joel's voice was heavy as he uttered those simple words.

You watched him closely as he gestured towards the photograph with the smiling girl "She was my little girl," his voice trembled. "And I loved her more than anything in the world."

You let him continued at his pace, not wanting to spook the man "Raised her m'self, her mom didn't want nothin' to do with us," his words held a touch of resignation and a whole lot of bitterness. "She was the only light in my life." The pain in his voice was palpable.

His voice faltered, moved by the vulnerability he was showing you, you shifted closer, a gesture of comfort that mirrored the earlier touch he had offered you. Placing your hand on his knee, you offered a gentle squeeze, to reassure him of your presence and understanding.

Joel took a deep breath, "When she 'as just a baby, I was workin' construction, but it didn't pay much," he began, "So in the evenin', I would go to the bar and sing and play guitar. There I met Tess; she loved my sound and soon enough she became my agent. Next thing ya kno', Sarah and I 're in Nashville, and I'm recordin' music full time." you interjected raising your eyebrow with curiosity. "So, the guitar..."

He nodded, his expression softening as he continued. "Yeah, from when I was makin' music. Was a pretty big deal for a while."

"So, I would have heard of you?" you asked, your tone light earning a light scoff from Joel as he shook his head, a rueful smile gracing his lips. "Unless ya into country, I don’t think so."

You offered an apologetic smile, "Can’t say I’ve listened to much.”

His response was warm, reassuring. "It's okay." Joel continued, " Sarah and I did it for a while. The lifestyle. I would make music, tour, but she was always there with me. It was a lot of hours, and she was homeschooled so she could stay with me." His voice wavered, his gaze distant as he spoke, lost in the memories. "But we were happy. For a while anyway."

At his words, you tightened your grip on his knee, "One night, we had a big fight," Joel's voice carried a heavy ton. “Sarah, she was upset. Wanted a normal high school life, friends her age. But I was gearing up for a tour and we’d be on the road for at least six months. She wasn't having it. Said she'd rather stay with my brother, Tommy than go on another tour with me."

"I tried to make her feel better, promised her we’d have fun, that she could meet people her age at the hotels we’d be staying at" he continued, his voice filled with regret. "Told her this tour would be the last, that we'd settle down after that, somewhere quiet in the middle of nowhere.” His breath itched as he struggled to keep his voice steady, “And I promised I'd stop making music. But she didn't want to hear none of it." His voice quivered, "She told me she hated me." You winced at his words.

"I got angry and said things I shouldn't have," Joel's voice cracked, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Called her a brat." He sounded haunted by those words, like he wished he could take them back even after all those years.

His hands covered his face as he let his emotions and his tears flow freely for what seemed like the first time in a long while. Without thinking, you reached out, holding his hands to offer comfort and support as Joel continued, “So, I told one of my tech guys to take her back to the hotel, needed to get focused for the show. Next thing I know, I'm halfway through my set and I get a call. Sarah's in the hospital, the car got smashed by some drunk driver. I bailed the second I heard, but when I got to the hospital, she was already gone. My little girl died alone, and she thought I hated her. The last words I said to her was how much of a brat she was." Seeing him crumble before your eyes was heartbreaking. Tears flowed down his face as he clutched his head in his hands. Instinctively, you reached for him, gripping him firmly, pulling him close to you. Your arms wrapped around him tightly, holding him to convey that he wasn't alone, at least not tonight. "Let it out," your voice was a gentle murmur, encouraging him to release the pain and the sadness that had been locked inside for so long. "You're safe, Joel. It's alright, I'm here.”

And he did let go. Sobs racked his body as his emotions poured out like rain from the storm-clouds outside. You held onto him, providing a safe place for him to pour his grief into. Time seemed to blur as you clung to each other, your touch offering kindness in the face of his pain. Your fingers traced soothing patterns on his back, your whispered words a soothing lullaby, as you tried to ease his sorrow, even if just for this fleeting moment.

After what seemed like an eternity, Joel's sobs began to fade into quiet sniffles, and then, gradually, into the gentle rhythm of sleep. His exhausted body had finally surrendered to the emotional storm he had weathered. You held him tightly, letting him fall asleep in your arms, so he could rest.

Your gaze shifted to the photograph on the table, Sarah's smiling face looking back at you. With a soft tone, you whispered to the sleeping man before you, your words a tender balm to the wounds of his heart. "I might not have known her," your voice barely more than a breath, "but I can see the love between you two. In her eyes, in that smile." Your voice carried a quiet conviction as if you were reassuring both him and her. Leaning in, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Rest now, Joel. You're not alone."

Unbeknownst to you, as sleep began to claim him, Joel was in that liminal space between wakefulness and sleep. Your words, like a soothing melody, reached him in his half-conscious state. His heart ached at your kindness, the unexpected solace you had brought him. His emotions swirled, a mix of sadness and gratitude, as your presence provided a momentary respite from the perpetual pain. For the first time since Sarah’s death, Joel fell asleep warm and comforted.

The harsh sound of rain pounding on the cabin's roof roused you from your uneasy sleep. Your neck and back protested, bearing the marks of an uncomfortable night spent on the small couch you had shared with Joel. You shifted, trying to find relief from the awkward position you had contorted yourself into. The darkness of the cabin wrapped around you, the only sound apart from the rain was the rhythm of your own breath.

You felt Joel’s absence from beside you, his warmth now gone. He had managed to slip away without disturbing your slumber, a feat that puzzled you considering his imposing presence. The darkness outside the windows hinted at the early hours, perhaps around 2 or 3 in the morning. You peered around the room, but the limited light prevented you from seeing much beyond vague shapes and shadows. The night seemed to have its own weight, as if time itself held its breath in the midst of the storm.

"Are y’awake?" Joel's voice cut through the darkness, startling you into a sudden yelp.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya," his voice held an apologetic note as he stepped into view, a flashlight casting a soft, warm glow around the room. "Lost power sometime in the night, didn't wanna wake ya. Seemed like you needed the rest." He settled at the far end of the couch, a few inches from your feet.

"Joel…" your voice was hushed, a mixture of emotions swirling within you.

"It was ten years last night," he continued, his voice carrying the weight of years of grief. "Ten years ssince my babygirl died." His words hung in the air, heavy and poignant.

"I've always felt so alone," his voice trembled, "like there was no way out, like I was as good as gone. For so long, I've told myself that I should've been the one to go instead of her." His words struck a deep chord, and tears welled in your eyes.

"Still think I should've, it ain't right for kids to die before their folks" he whispered angrily, the pain evident in his voice. "But Sarah… she was like an angel, always takin’ care of me. And on the night when I'm considerin’ takin’ that shotgun and finally goin’ to see her… you show up." His gaze met yours, his expression confused. You saw pain, sadness, anger but there was tenderness and hope etched deep wihtin in his eyes. Joel ran a hand through his hair frantically.

"It's like my Sarah is still lookin’ out for me," he continued, "Like she knew what I was plannin’, and she sent me another angel to be with me."

A warmth spread within you, blooming deep inside of you at his words. With a slow motion, you pushed the covers aside, the cold air prickling your skin as you cautiously maneuvered over the short expanse of the couch until you were close to Joel. The room was dimly illuminated by the soft golden glow of the flashlight, casting shadows that danced around you both.

In the velvety cocoon of the hushed darkness, an unspoken desire bloomed between you. You moved with a subtle grace, straddling his wide hips, your gazes locking in the dim, intimate light. The air seemed to crackle with a newfound tension as you whispered his name, a gentle invitation laden with longing.

Joel's hands moved instinctively to your hips, his touch both gentle and possessive, grounding you in him. "Yes, my angel?" his voice held a soft edge of anticipation, a promise hanging in the air.

****You leaned in, your lips finding his in a dance that transcended words. The kiss was a slow, intoxicating melding of souls, a harmony of sensations and emotions that seemed to surge through every nerve in your bodies. Joel's lips were warm and inviting, their touch conveying a mix of urgency and tenderness that ignited a spark within you.

Your fingers cradled the back of his head, tangling in the strands of his hair as you deepened the kiss. A low, throaty moan escaped him as he yielded to the sensation, his response igniting a fire of desire within you. The taste of his lips, the press of his body against yours, it all felt like a perfect symphony of your two body.

As the kiss broke, Joel's whispered words mingled with the soft hum of the storm outside. "Are you sure?" he asked a thread of concern woven into his tone.

A smile touched your lips, a mix of assurance and desire. "Never been surer in my life, cowboy."

His smile in response was like a sunrise, warmth and light flooding the room. Rising from the couch, he held you in his strong arms, your laughter echoing as he started to ascend the stairs with you in his embrace. The world outside was forgotten, eclipsed by this moment. Eclipsed by Joel holding you close.

As you reached what you assumed was Joel's bedroom, a surge of anticipation and desire compelled you to draw him into another fervent kiss. The soft laughter that escaped him was a melody that danced against your lips, and you responded with a mixture of eagerness and playfulness.

Joel's touch was both electrifying and gentle, he swatted your bottom teasingly, his voice a breathless whisper against your lips, "Patience, angel."

His words sent shivers down your spine, mingling with the electric tension that enveloped you both. The room seemed to shrink around you as desire flared, intertwining your fates in a web of longing and need. With a mixture of restraint and yearning, you allowed the dance between you to continue, each moment a step closer to surrendering to the consuming passion that had ignited between you.

With a gentleness that belied his strength, Joel guided you onto the large bed. Your senses were alight, every detail heightened as if the world had shifted into sharper focus. The bedding beneath you cradled your form, its softness embracing you like a lover's touch. The air around you carried a faint chill, a stark contrast to the heat that seemed to radiate from the space between you and Joel.

But it was his gaze that held you captive, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that set your heart racing. In his gaze, you saw a constellation of emotions, desire mingling with a hint of vulnerability, each flicker a testament to the depth of connection you shared. Time seemed to slow, the storm outside merely a distant echo as you were immersed in this moment, this charged space where nothing else mattered except the unspoken language of longing that passed between you. The room felt small, a universe confined to the expanse of the bed where you lay,

 And the dance began—a sensual rhythm that both of you instinctively understood. Joel's hands, firm and determined, reached for the fabric of your shirt, his fingers curling around the material before he tugged it away from your body. The garment was discarded to the side of the room, forgotten. A smirk graced his lips, his eyes alight with a mixture of desire and amusement.

"That was an old shirt from my '01 tour in California," he confessed playfully. "Seeing you wear something of mine stirs up all sorts of feelings, angel."

A breathless laugh escaped you, a mix of nerves and excitement intertwining in the sound. Joel's mouth descended with practiced skill, capturing your right nipple in a delicate play of sensations. His lips and tongue orchestrated a dance, alternating between gentle kisses and teasing tugs, coaxing your body to respond. Your nipple responded to his attentions, standing taut against the flicker of his tongue. His warm breath brushed against your skin, sending a shiver of anticipation coursing through you, a stark contrast to the cool air that surrounded you.

The torturous symphony of sensations migrated to your other nipple, the alternating rhythm of pleasure and tease sending shockwaves of need radiating from your core. Unable to contain your yearning, you whispered a plea, your voice a hushed prayer. "Please, Joel..."

His response was a gentle murmur, a tantalizing question. "Tell me what you want, angel."

A rush of arousal and aching need surged through you, and you implored him with a breathless urgency, your words carrying a plea for more. "More, please..."

Amusement danced in his eyes as he pushed you further, his own desire and anticipation evident in the way he held you, in the way he looked at you. "You're gonna have to be more precise than that, angel," he coaxed, his voice a seductive melody that echoed between you.

You suddenly grabbed Joel’s head and directed him towards your aching core, “Touch me here please Joel, I can't.”

“Whatever my angel desires.” And he bends his head down wrenching a scream of delight from your lips as he started lapping at your core with enthusiastic desire. You had never felt anything like this before, previous lovers have always been less than enthusiastic at performing this particular act, but it seemed like Joel reveled in making you squirm and he was trying his best to elicit as many breathless moans from you. And you were more than happy to oblige him. He started alternating between lapping at your clit teasingly and rubbing his fingers alongside your slit, all the while murmuring cooing words into your core “my beautiful angels, you are so good to me.”

With a surge of boldness, your hand darted out to grasp Joel's head, your fingers threading through his hair as you guided him to the source of your aching desire. A plea tumbled from your lips, raw and unrestrained, "Touch me here, please, Joel. I can't wait any longer."

A playful smirk danced across his lips, his eyes gleaming with the thrill of fulfilling your desires. "Whatever my angel desires," he responded, his voice a seductive promise. Bending his head with deliberate intent, he set forth on a way that was sure to send you in  a primal surge of ecstasy.

A passionate cry of delight erupted from your lips as Joel's skilled tongue found its mark, dancing across your sensitive core with an enthusiasm that set your senses ablaze. This was an experience like no other, a stark departure from previous lovers where enthusiasm had been scarce. With Joel, it was different—he revelled in your pleasure, his fervent devotion evident in every movement.

His lips and tongue worked in tandem, alternating between tender lapping and teasingly rhythmic motions that sent electric jolts of pleasure coursing through you. His fingers joined in the sensual symphony, tracing delicate patterns alongside your slick folds, igniting fires of sensation wherever they ventured.

Amidst the heady sensations, Joel's voice reached your ears, a sweet and enticing serenade that whispered cooing words directly to your core. "My beautiful angel, you are so good to me," he murmured, his words like molten honey, dripping with adoration and lust.

Your moans and gasps crescendoed into a symphony of pleasure, each sounds a testament to the waves of ecstasy coursing through your body. As if guided by the melody of your desire, Joel responded with a calculated touch, slipping a finger inside you. A powerful scream of pleasure erupted from your lips, the sensation of his digit plunging deep within you electrifying your senses and igniting a fierce yearning.

"Oh my God, Joel, please!" Your words tumbled out in a jumble of incoherence, driven by an insatiable need that clouded your thoughts. The urgency in your voice spoke volumes, even if the words themselves were fragmented. You needed more, you craved more, but your mind was too consumed by the sensations to formulate coherent sentences.

Joel pressed on with his skilled ministrations. He gauged your need, asking, "You want more? You think you can take one more?" Your head bobbed in a fervent affirmation, your eyes filled with a mixture of longing and anticipation. Without hesitation, he introduced a second finger, and your body reacted with a surge of pleasure mixed with a hint of discomfort—a delicious sensation that heightened your desire.

Closing your eyes to savor the pleasure coursing through you, you felt Joel's fingers expertly moving within you. The sensation of them crossing and spreading you wide sent intoxicating shivers down your spine, a tantalizing preview of what was to come. His mouth remained devoted to your neglected clit, lavishing it with attentions that drove you wild.

"I've got to prepare you real good, angel," Joel breathed, his voice husky with need. "You've got to be spread wide to take all of me. I ain't like one of those DC boys you’re used to." His words, a potent mix of promise and possession, sent a thrill through you. "Yes, yes, yes, Joel," you pleaded, your voice aching with desire. "Spread me, make me ready for you."

A knowing smirk curved Joel's lips as he introduced a third finger, a hint of pain deliciously mingling with the intense pleasure, intensifying the sensations that rocked your body. "So good, angel," he moaned breathlessly. “Joel, I’m gonna…” “Yes, come for me, angel. Please come for me right now!" His encouragement was all it took, and you shattered into euphoria like never before. Explosions of white dusted your vision as you felt yourself gush around Joel’s fingers, which continued their relentless rhythm inside you. Your body tensed and then went limp, as if weightless.

When you opened your eyes again, Joel's gaze met yours. He was lapping at his fingers with an obscenely indulgent expression, making your body tingle with renewed desire. "You taste delicious, like the sweetest honey," he purred. A groan of need escaped your lips as you reached for him, your hands eager to explore. "Please, Joel."

"Do you want me, Angel? Do you want me to take care of you?" he asked, his voice a seductive blend of desire and tenderness. You nodded, and as Joel started to take off his shirt he suddenly stopped in his track “Fuck, I don’t have condoms.” He brought his hands to his face in a movement of frustration.

 A soft smile graced your lips as you moved closer to him, your face now level with his taunt stomach. With gentle reverence, you pressed a soft kiss against his skin, just above his waistband.

"If you trust me, Joel," you began softly, “I got tested after I found out Bryan was cheating, and everything came back clear." Your words hung between the two of you as Joel realized what you were offering.

Joel's reaction was swift and intense. His hand gripped your jaw firmly, his eyes ablaze with a mixture of protectiveness and possessiveness. "Don’t say that piece of shit's name when you're in my bed, angel," he growled, his voice laced with a raw edge. The shiver that ran down your spine was both a thrill and a reminder of his complex emotions.

"Come here," Joel commanded his voice a blend of authority and strength. Eager to comply, you shifted closer to him, a fire of anticipation burning in your veins. Slowly, Joel started to guide you back down onto the bed, his hands moving with a purpose that matched the intensity of his desire.

"I want to look at your face when you come on my cock," he murmured, his words sending a shiver of longing down your spine. Anticipation pooled in the pit of your stomach as you locked eyes with him, feeling the weight of his gaze on you.

With deliberate movements, Joel began to undo his jeans, freeing his long and thick cock from its confines. The sight of him left you audibly gulping, a mixture of want and anticipation coursing through your veins. You couldn't help but wonder about the sensations, the weight, the pleasure that his size would bring.

"Can I put it in my mouth?" you asked, your eagerness apparent in your voice. Joel chuckled, his laughter a low and intimate sound that sent another wave of desire crashing over you. "Not tonight, angel," he responded, his tone both playful and commanding. "Tonight, I want to come in your pretty little pussy."

Joel's hands and lips explored your body with a relentless hunger, each touch igniting sparks of pleasure that coursed through your veins. Lost in the dance of passion, you found yourself swept away in a symphony of sensations, the symphony building to a crescendo of ecstasy that left you breathless and yearning for more.

In one swift, delicious motion, you felt Joel's firm length slip inside you. The sensation was both intense and electrifying, and you couldn't help but close your eyes and let out a loud moan of pleasure as he stretched you open in the most pleasurable way.

"Oh shit, angel, you're so damn tight," Joel groaned, his voice laced with desire and amazement at the sensation. You couldn't hold back your response, your own voice a mixture of bliss and disbelief. "Oh my god, Joel, that's because you're so fucking big!"

With deliberate slowness, Joel began to move his hips, creating a rhythm that was both torturously slow and exquisitely pleasurable. His gaze remained fixed on your face, his eyes locking onto yours with a passionate intensity that sent shivers down your spine. The intimacy of the moment, the raw connection between your bodies, fueled the flames of desire that burned between you.

"Please, Joel, you have to move faster, please, I'm begging you," you implored.

A smirk tugged at the corner of Joel's lips as he teased, "If I go faster, you're gonna make this old man come way too quick, angel."

"I don't care," you gasped, your need overpowering any sense of patience, "you have to move, please!"

"As you wish," Joel responded with a sly grin, and in the blink of an eye, the slow and deliberate rhythm transformed into a furious, unrelenting pace. His hips met yours fiercely, each movement driving you to the edge of your senses. Your heart raced, pounding in your chest like a wild drumbeat, and for this moment, nothing else mattered except the intense connection between you and Joel. The world outside faded away as you were consumed by the sensations of pleasure and desire, lost in the intoxicating dance of your bodies moving as one.

The tight coil of tension within you wound tighter and tighter with each fervent movement, aching to be released. The desperate need for release surged through your veins until you couldn't hold it any longer.

"OH MY GOD, JOEL, I'M GONNA COME AGAIN!" you cried out, your voice a mixture of ecstasy and urgency.

"Fuck, me too, angel, I'm gonna cum," Joel groaned, his voice heavy with need. "Please, you have to come with me, please, Angel!"

"Oohh my goddd, I'm cum..." Your sentence was left unfinished as the intense wave of pleasure crashed over you, shattering the tight coil and setting your senses on fire. Simultaneously, Joel's hips stuttered against yours, and you felt the warmth of his release inside you.

"Fuckkk," Joel whispered against your throat, his breath hot and ragged, as both of you rode out the waves of bliss, your sweaty bodies entwined and sated.

"That was..." you began, your voice trailing off as you searched for words to capture the intensity of what you had just shared.

"It sure was," Joel finished, his voice carrying a mixture of satisfaction and amusement. ****

You let out a hearty laugh, the tension of the moment dissolving into light giggles, as Joel momentarily left the room. While you lay there, still basking in the aftermath of your pleasure, he returned with a warm towel and a glass of water. He handed you the glass, and then, with gentle care, he began to clean you up. Your body was still sensitive from the climax, and you instinctively squirmed under his touch, but Joel held you in place.

"None of that, angel," he chided softly, his eyes warm and reassuring. "Gotta make sure you're all cleaned up. Lemme take care of ya."

His words and the softness of his touch melted away any remaining tension, and you found yourself yielding to his gentle care. You let go, allowing him to attend to you in this tender and intimate way. Once he was finished, he guided you back onto the bed and gathered you into his broad arms. A smile played on his lips as he pressed a gentle kiss against the nape of your neck. You closed your eyes, feeling a sense of serenity wash over you.

"Sleep now, my angel," he whispered, his voice a soothing murmur in your ear. "We'll talk in the morning."

With his strong arms wrapped around you, you nestled into his embrace, finding comfort and warmth in his presence. Your eyes closed naturally, the weight of the day's events and the embrace of his body lulling you into a peaceful slumber.

The morning greeted you with the cheerful chirping of birds, their song gently coaxing you awake. Blinking your eyes open, you realized Joel's form wasn't beside you in the bed. You reached for his discarded shirt on the floor, wrapping it around yourself before quietly slipping out of the room. As you stood before the bathroom mirror, your reflection showed the aftermath of a passionate night: tousled hair, eyes still bearing traces of desire, and lips that bore the marks of fervent kisses. A satisfied smile tugged at your lips as you grabbed the toothpaste, relishing the refreshing feeling as you brushed your teeth.

After tidying up a bit, you descended the stairs, your senses greeted by the delicious scent of cooking. Following the aroma, you entered the cozy kitchen where a rustic-looking pan held sizzling bacon and eggs. The scene was comforting, but there was no sign of Joel. As you scanned the room, the soft strains of a melody drifted in from outside, drawing your attention.

Curious, you made your way toward the source of the music, stepping outside to find Joel sitting on the porch swing. He held the acoustic guitar you had spied last night on the wall, his fingers moving deftly across the strings to produce a gentle tune that seemed to blend harmoniously with the morning breeze. You leaned against the railing beside him, listening intently to the music.

Joel paused his melody and turned his gaze toward you, his lips curling into a soft smile. "That was beautiful," you offered gently, "What were you playing?"

Joel's smile widened as he motioned for you to join him. "You inspired me last night," he confessed. "I had these melodies in my head, and I just had to play them." Your lips curved into a smile as you leaned in for a kiss. "That's unexpectedly romantic," you teased, causing Joel to chuckle. "Romantic, huh? Never been accused of that before," he playfully responded. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Starving," you replied, a rumble of hunger confirming your words.

Joel's laughter filled the air as he gently set the guitar aside and guided you back indoors. He motioned for you to take a seat at the spacious wooden table, his warm smile inviting. He playfully swatted your hands away as you attempted to help, his touch grounding and reassuring. "Let me serve you, angel," Joel whispered softly as he settled you into a chair.

As Joel expertly portioned out the eggs onto your plate, you admired the beautiful table before you. "This table is stunning," you remarked, inspecting the grain of the hard oaken wood "I've always dreamed of having a big wooden table. Somewhere to have all my family and friends and have big dinners." Joel's smile held a touch of nostalgia. "Yeah, me too. That's why I built it."

"Wait, you built this?" you exclaimed, surprised. "Is there anything you can't do?" His laughter was infectious, and he shook his head playfully. “Just eat ya eggs." You smile happily in response before digging in.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you happily munched on your meal. "This is really good, thank you, Joel," you said with genuine gratitude. Joel's smile was warm, yet his gaze seemed to drift elsewhere, lost in thought. You observed him from the corner of your eye, curious about what was going on in his mind.

After a moment, Joel pushed his half-eaten plate of eggs aside and made his way over to you. Without a word, he grasped the back of your chair and turned it toward him, causing you to let out a surprised "Joel!" as you were suddenly lifted from the chair. He settled down, pulling you onto his lap, holding you close.

You chuckled softly, noting, "Breakfast's gonna get cold..." But Joel's response was immediate, his voice a whisper against your collarbone, "I don't care. Need to be close to ya, angel." You felt yourself melting into his embrace, content and cherished.

You closed your eyes, savoring the sensation of being enveloped by Joel's arms. Inhaling his masculine scent deeply, you wanted to imprint it in your memory, wanting to hold onto every detail of this moment. You never wanted to forget the way he made you feel. As Joel's hand gently traced patterns on your back, his lips pressed soft, feathery kisses along your neck, causing a contented sigh to escape your lips.

In that instant, you realized that in just one day, Joel had managed to make you feel safer and happier than your four-year relationship with Bryan ever did. "Joel," you timidly began, your voice a fragile thread. "Hmmm, what is it, angel?" Joel's response was gentle, encouraging you to continue. "About what you told me last night… About Sarah…" His sigh against your neck was heavy, and you gathered your courage for what you wanted to say next. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened to her. It wasn't fair."

"Angel…" You guided Joel's face up from its hiding place in your bosom, holding it between your hands to meet his eyes. "Sarah loved you, Joel. And she knew you loved her. She wouldn't want to see her father suffer alone like this."

Joel's eyes bore into yours, a mix of frustration and protectiveness. "Angel, please stop." But you couldn't hold back; not after last night, not after seeing him this morning with the guitar, not after he pried open and emptied the chest of feelings that you had buried deep in your heart. "Joel, I don't want to argue. I know we've only just met, but I can see the kind of person you are. And I might not know a lot about you, but I know that you don't deserve to keep punishing yourself. You deserve to be happy."

Your fingers brushed against his face tenderly as your eyes glistened with tears, your plea carrying all the sincerity you could muster. However, Joel only gently lifted you from his lap and set you down on the chair. He turned to walk away from the kitchen, but before leaving the doorway, he paused. "Finish your eggs, and when you're done, it might be best if you leave." His words were heavy and definitive.

The atmosphere grew icy as your eyes welled up with tears. "Better for you, you mean," you muttered bitterly, pushing the plate of eggs aside and standing up. "I'll get out of your way right now, Joel. I'm sorry for overstaying my welcome." Without waiting for a response, you swiftly moved past him, your heart aching as the tears streamed down your face, not wanting him to see how vulnerable you felt. How much his words had hurt you deep within your bones. Not even your ex-boyfriend cheating had hurt as much as Joel’s words.

Hastily, you ascended the stairs, feeling a mixture of confusion, hurt, and urgency. Joel's shirt clung to your skin as you moved, a reminder of the passionate night you had shared. With hurried hands, you peeled the shirt off, folding it and placing it on the bed with a mix of sadness and longing. Slipping into your clothes, you realised how they were dry and carried a faint, comforting clean scent. It dawned on you that Joel must have taken the time to wash and dry them while you were still asleep. The small act of care spoke volumes, tugging at your heartstrings even harder as your emotions threatened to overwhelm you.

A soft sob escaped your lips as you quickly pulled on your leggings and t-shirt. The pain within you intensified, a heavy weight on your chest that made it hard to breathe. Your fingers trembled as you fumbled to button up your shirt, your mind racing with a mix of regret and confusion. Every touch, every moment, seemed to replay in your mind like a whirlwind of emotions that you couldn't make sense of. Your breath came in ragged gasps, and the room felt stifling as you imagined Joel's hands, his lips, all over you.

Each second that passed felt like an eternity, the need to escape growing more urgent by the second. You couldn't bear the idea of staying in this place any longer, not when your heart and mind were in such turmoil. Your head spun as you gathered your belongings, your thoughts a jumble of conflicting feelings. With shaky hands, you grabbed your bag and moved toward the bedroom door, your heart racing and your vision blurred by unshed tears. It was as if the walls themselves were closing in on you, suffocating you with memories and emotions that you couldn't yet fully process.

You quickly made your way down the stairs and you quickly reached the entrance of the cabin, your hand gripped the doorknob, the exit just a twist away. But then, like a lifeline thrown to your drowning form, Joel's voice cut through the tension-laden air. "Wait," he implored. For a moment, you could have pulled the door open and walked away, sparing yourself the pain that seemed inevitable. But something in his voice, something in the way he had said it, made you hesitate, your fingers tensing on the handle.

"Please wait," Joel's voice, gentle and soft, reached your ears, halting your movement. His words were like a fragile confession, tinged with regret and vulnerability. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just... it still hurts so much, and I can’t do anything about it. I don't even know if I wanna do anythin' 'bout it! If I stop hurtin, it ain't fair to her, it's like 'm forgettin' her. My babygirl. I can't... I can't be the man you need me to be. You're young, and you'll find something much better than a washed-up singer, a father that’s always gonna be haunted by the ghost of his daughter. I'm carrying too much baggage, And I ain’t  worth the pain I know I’ll cause ya angel.” Frozen in place, you listened to his words, his admission of hurt and fear, his belief in his own unworthiness all washed over you, leaving you empty and oh so sad for the man in front of you.

With your back still turned toward him, your grip on the doorknob loosened. You could feel your heart aching for him. You closed your eyes, attempting to blink away the tears that threatened to fall, your breathing ragged and unsteady.

You took a steadying breath, turning slightly toward him, though you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. In a voice that was stronger than you felt, you spoke your truth "Joel, it's not about what baggage you have or don’t have. It's everything that’s happened since yesterday, how we make each other feel. And last night... it meant something to me. I don't need you to be something you're not. I just want you to be who you are, because that person is worth something to me."

You swallowed hard, your throat tight with emotion. "I can't pretend to understand everything you've been through, Joel. But I can see the person you are, the one who's been through pain but is still standing here. You deserve happiness too, Joel. You're not defined by your past, and you're not just a has-been singer or whatever it is you impose on yourself. You're Joel, and you're worth more than you realize."

A tear escaped your closed eyes, tracing a path down your cheek. With a determined step forward, you pulled the door open, your voice steady despite the vulnerability you felt. "Take care of yourself, Joel," you whispered. With that, you stepped out onto the threshold, the cool breeze against your skin offering a stark contrast to the warmth of the cabin. The door clicked shut behind you, a gentle sound that marked the end of a moment that had touched your heart so deeply. And as you walked away, you didn't look back, hoping that Joel's own journey would guide him to a place of healing and acceptance.

Three months had drifted by since the night when Joel's presence swept into your life, like a gentle breeze altering the course of a quiet stream. The echo of his words still lingered in your mind, painting the canvas of your memories with vivid strokes of vulnerability and tenderness. As you slid into the cocoon of your car that night, the world outside felt different, as if reality itself had taken on a new hue.

Driving away from the cabin nestled in the heart of the woods, you found your plans melting away, leaving behind a blank slate that you were now eager to fill with Joel's presence. But you knew he had his own journey to embark upon – a journey toward reconciliation with his past, a voyage of healing that no one else could undertake for him. You couldn't help but hope, perhaps even naively, that the currents of life would someday guide him back to you. It was an uncertain prospect, but then again, your whole life had become a cascade of the unexpected.

After first leaving behind the familiar landscape of DC, and wandering the country for some time, you found yourself meandering down unfamiliar roads that led you to the vibrant city of Austin. Amid the soulful melodies and friendly faces, you decided to step into a music store, compelled by the yearning to connect with Joel on some level, even if he wasn’t physically there with you.

Inside, the air was stuffy as if the shop had been forgotten by the residents of Austin. Rows of albums beckoned to you, as you look around for the country section. Descriptions were exchanged with a middle-aged cashier, who turned out to be a rather passionate fan of Joel and who guided you to the shelves where most of Joel Miller's discography was. For you, it was like hearing the life of the man you think you might very well love. As you left the store, the weight of those albums in your arms was more than just a collection; it was a tangible piece of the bond you shared with a stranger who had become so much more.

With Joel's music filling the airwaves of your trusty Honda Civic, you embarked on the next leg of your journey, leaving Austin behind and setting your sights on the vibrant landscape of Los Angeles. The roads stretched out before you, winding through varied terrains like the unwritten chapters of a story waiting to unfold. Each curve and bend felt like a step toward a new beginning, guided by the soulful tunes that had become the backdrop of your life.

As you navigated LA's bustling streets, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. The sprawling landscapes seemed to mirror the vast possibilities that awaited you in this city of dreams. The skyline glittered with promise, like a tapestry woven from the aspirations of countless dreamers who had walked these streets before you. With each passing mile, you allowed yourself to be swept away by the energy of the city, ready to embrace whatever adventures lay ahead.

Amidst the hustle and bustle, you found your place in a small yet energetic communication company. It was a far cry from the monotonous work you had left behind in DC. Here, you were tasked with crafting communication campaigns for non-profit organizations across California. The challenges were real and the work was hard, but the rewards were immeasurable. Your days were now filled with purpose and creativity, and you felt a genuine connection to the causes you were championing. It was as if you had finally found the missing piece that had been absent from your previous life. Like you had found your drive back.

2 months into the job, your coworker Amanda's loud shrilly voice pulled your attention away from your work, her words cutting through the office buzz. "Hey, you're the one who's into Country music, right?" She grinned, her eyes twinkling with curiosity. You chuckled softly, not exactly an expert on the genre but you supposed you did listen to more Country then you used to these days.

"Yep, that's me," you replied, offering a small nod.

Amanda leaned in a little closer, her voice lowered as if sharing a secret, "I've noticed you play Joel Miller's older albums. Is he your favourite or something?"

You smiled softly, realizing your tradition hadn't gone unnoticed. "Yeah, I have a soft spot for his music," you admitted with a shrug.

Her grin turned into a mischievous smile, "Well, guess what? He just dropped a new song. Have you heard?"

Your heart skipped a beat. "A new song?!" you echoed, genuine surprise lacing your words, heartbeat treatening to send you into a heart attack.

Amanda pulled out her phone, her fingers dancing across the screen before she handed it to you. The screen was illuminated by what you deciphered as some tweets and posts, all buzzing with excitement about Joel's latest EP release. Your eyes widened as you scrolled through the tweets, feeling a mixture of excitement washed over you.

With a grin, you glance at Amanda, appreciating her tip, before returning to your workstation. Settling in, you tried your best to steady your breath as you open the article on TMZ and locate the link that directs you to Joel Miller's freshly released track on his SoundCloud. Your cursor hovers over the link, anticipation rising making you feel buzzed. Clicking the link, you're instantly engulfed in a cascade of harmonies. The initial notes carried on the wings of a soft guitar, weave a delicate tapestry of sound that threads its way through your senses. It's like stepping into a forgotten memory, the strums of the guitar bringing you back inside the cabin and into Joel’s arms.

And then, Joel's voice joins the strumming of the guitar. A tender baritone, it carries the weight of longing and sadness, each note reverberating with the depth of his life. The rawness of it tugs at your heartstrings, and you can’t help the tears forming in your eyes. With each note, it's as though Joel is speaking directly to you, his presence palpable despite the distance. You close your eyes, allowing the music to sweep you away, the gentle strumming and resonant vocals painting a vivid scene in your mind;

I can’t stop thinking about you

I can't escape your memory's grasp,

My angel, you're etched within my soul so fast.

I yearn to become the man you envision,

Unveiling depths within, a heartfelt mission.

For you, for you alone,

This version of me, yet to be known.

As the soothing timbre of Joel's voice envelops you, he navigates the tapestry of emotions with his lyrics. His soft voice carries the weight of promises and aspirations, mingling with the bittersweet tinge of guilt and the fervent pull of desire. It's a symphony of feelings entwined in each note, a raw portrayal of the battles raging within him. He sings of uncertainty, a man grappling with the enigma of his own identity. Yet, amidst the chaos, there's a constant, an unwavering North Star – the presence of his angel. The lyrics paint a portrait of yearning and unspoken desires, his admission that even amid the turmoil, your memory is an anchor he can't escape. His voice, like a gentle hand, guides you through the labyrinth of his feelings, allowing you to glimpse the depths of his soul. And as the final note fades, it's as if his heart has been laid bare, an intimate portrait of a man searching for solace and finding it in the memory of his angel – you.

Tears gather in your eyes as the song reaches its poignant conclusion. Joel's heartfelt words resonate with the depths of your emotions, and the floodgates of your own feelings burst open. Each note, each lyric, is a testament to his pain, his struggles, and the love that has bloomed during the short encounter you had.

As the music fades, your tears flow freely, a river for the man who has touched your heart so profoundly. You could feel your coworkers casting puzzled glances your way, but in this moment, their opinions mean nothing. You wept for the unfairness of his life, you wept for the loss of his little Sarah, and you wept for the years he's spent punishing himself. You weep because you love Joel Miller. Your heart aches for the man who entered your life on that stormy night and left a mark deep within your soul. Etching his name into the very essence of your being.

Your mom had always said, "The future holds its secrets close" and now you couldn't help but agree. A year ago, you would have never imagined that you would find yourself in LA, away from old friends and family. Yet you couldn't remember a time when you had been more content. Except maybe when you had been in Joel's arms in the warmth of his cabin. But now, as you restart the song Joel had written and as you lose yourself in the warm timber of his voice, you feel happy. Joel's baritone promising that he would love his angel as best as the damaged man he was could love. As you let yourself be carried by the softness of his voice, you know that whatever happens, you'll never part ways with Joel again. You know that wherever he is, he will find you, and you’ll be able to take him in your arms and hold him close to you.

You smile; after all, Joel had just delcared his love for you to the world, his declaration intended for all to hear. And as Joel's voice serenaded you with vows of love and protection, soothing you to your core, you made a promise of your own to Sarah. You promised her that you would care for her father, that you'd stand by him and that you would love him until their eventual reunion, following what you hope would be a beautiful life richly lived.

[dollyyhouse]

block dont report

this is for my short edblr goers,

you may not be seeing progress. you may not be able to get a diagnosis. that means nothing. being short means you have a lower BMR (basal metabolic rate) than someone who was taller. gender also plays a part.

generally speaking, those assigned male at birth will likely have higher BMRs thanks to their natural muscle mass and testosterone, while those assigned female at birth may be the opposite. exercise can change your bmr. hrt may as well.

BMR is how much cals you burn at rest. the average for males is roughly 1600 to 1800 a day while for females its usually about 1500. for those of us who are 40+, itll be maybe 1200.

someone who is 5'10 or ~177 cm will lose weight faster than someone who is 5" or ~152 cm.

(expand for how to calculate)

take your current weight (kg) and height (cm)

if you need to convert it, the equations are:

height (ft) • 30.48 cm

cw (ibs) • 0.45359237 kg

males:

10 • kg + 6.25 • cm - 5 • age (years) + 5

females:

10 • kg + 6.25 • cm - 5 • age (years) - 161

[senshis-tenshi]

Endosirens

Biology

Skin Pigmentation: Mainly white or beige, undertones strongly depend on climate, terrain and humidity level. Common undertones in forest areas are red, pink, light green or orange; in marshes you're more likely to meet Endosirens with dark green, brown or purple undertones. In manmade structures, the hues can vary greatly, ranging from bright yellow to chocolate brown, black or even rainbow colored (very rarely though). Skin Texture: The body appears and feels very much like the outside of a marshmallow; very soft and almost kind of fuzzy. The "cream" is actually mucus emitted by the creature, and appears differently based on the humidity level and general temperature. The hotter and more humid the surroundings are, the softer it becomes, to the point of being almost liquid. In very dry or very cold places, it dries up, becoming porous and darker. For short periods they're able to hide underneath a hardened "shell" to keep their body moist and warm, but they will dry out and die if the harsh conditions don't change.

Eyes: Mammalian Eyes, positioned similarly to cat's eyes. The pupil takes up almost all of the space, allowing them to see perfectly even in complete darkness. Hair: Doesn't have hair, but conveniently places dabs of "cream" on top of their head to mimic human hair and eyebrows. Some of them have developed a sense of style of some sort, putting genuine effort into making their "hair" look presentable. Ears: Two lop ears on the side of their head. Very sensitive to low frequencies and to touch. Dentition: 28 Carnivore teeth. Diet: 80% meat, lives mostly on monster and human innards. Nose: No nose, only a small nub of skin that vaguely resembles such in an attempt to copy human-like appearance. They smell with their antennae. Height Range: Between 10 cm/4 inches and 100 cm/40 inches Weight Range: Between 250 g/0.55 lbs and 10 kg /22 lbs Sexes: Male (50%), Female (40%), Morphodite (10%) Sexual Dimorphism: Males have larger antennae and are generally bigger in size. They tend to emit more herbal or spicier scents than their female counterparts, who are more likely to attract their prey with the scent of fruit or candy. Females produce a larger amount of "cream", which they often use to mimic human hair or clothes. Females generally feel more drawn to human prey because of the sweeter meat, while males are more likely to go after monsters and animals. Morphodites are rarer, and mostly found in dryer/colder places with harsh conditions for their species, or manmade areas like small towns or farms.

Intellect: They are about as intelligent as a human teenager, but lack the ability to speak due to the shape of their tongue. They have the ability to think, plan, make choices and decisions, and to understand human language. Longevity: Their lifespan depends on the surrounding climate and how often they get to eat. They can live from anywhere between 30 and 200 years. Immunities: Endosirens are immune to most acids, including stomach acid. While they cannot catch on fire or burn, they can melt to the point of being unable to hold themselves together. Same situation with water - they struggle to hold themselves together in a strong river, for example. But falling apart, crumbling and losing limbs is not very much of an issue for them, since they can regenerate in the right conditions, unless the head begins to fall apart as well. It's possible for them to freeze to death, to dry out entirely, and to be burnt beyond regeneration, for example when they fall into lava (which rarely happens but hey...) Locomotion: Endosirens move through a combination of contractions and the secretion of "cream", similar to snails.

Legs: No legs; similar to snails, they have one "foot" made of firmer matter that they use to move. Arms: Depends on their personal choice; some have arms, some do not. They can grow limbs and fingers at will in the right conditions. Most male Endosirens like to have either four arms or tentacles to help with hunting prey, while most females like to have two almost humanoid arms to make themselves more appealing to humans. Antennae: Their antennae function as noses, lures, and a secondary sexual characteristic for them. They come in all kinds of shapes, forms, lengths, diameters and colors, and their appearance is strongly influenced by their surroundings, climate and overall health. For example, an Endosiren that resides in a forest area is more likely to have antennae that resemble branches or flowers, while an Endosiren that lives near humans may mimic food or even toys. Males generally have larger, more colorful antennae than females. The scent of the antennae is what attracts their prey, and their scent is strongly influenced by their age, diet, health and hormones.

[kamarixchopra]

" Baby, you can find me under the lights, diamonds under my eyes. Turn the rhythm up, don't you wanna just, come along for the ride? "

⌜  tyla  ,  22  ,  cis woman  ,  she/her ⌟  ╱    is  that  DANCE THE NIGHT  by DUA LIPA,  i  hear  playing?  oh  that  has  to  mean  KAMARI CHOPRA  ,  is  about  to  clock  in. i  hear  they're  a  SOPHOMORE  who's  been  away  studying  SPORTS MEDICINE  at   USC. it  sure  is  a  shame  they've  grown  up  to  be  rather  PASSIONATE  and  CALCULATED. word  on  the  strip  is  that  they're  back  home  for  the  summer  and  working  as  a  FRONT DESK RECEPTIONIST  at  THE FITNESS FACTORY,  to  earn  some  extra  cash,  in  order  to  buy  a new car  but  don't  tell  them  i  told  you  that  !  

►GENERAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Kamari Mali Chopra NICKNAME(S): Kam, Ari, Amari LABEL: The Academic Athlete AGE: 22 DATE OF BIRTH: February 5, 2002 ZODIAC: Aquarius Sun, Aries Rising, Capricorn Moon GENDER & PRONOUNS: Female; She/Her NATIONALITY: South African HERITAGE: Indian, Zulu, Mauritian, Irish SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): English, Russian (very little) OCCUPATION: Dancer/Dance Instructor || Front Desk Receptionist at The Fitness Factory RELIGION: Christian (raised but now distanced) SEXUALITY & ROMANCE: Bisexual; Biromantic

► APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: Tyla HEIGHT: 5'3" WEIGHT: 121 lbs. DOMINANT HAND: Right HAIR COLOR: Black EYE COLOR: Brown SCARS: Little ones all over body due to wear and tear from sports TATTOOS: None.

►PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS: Charismatic, Athletic, Sociable, Passionate, Humorous, Driven, Open-Minded, Reliable, Thoughtful. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Fiery, Confrontational, Calculated, Flighty, Self-Critical, Impulsive, Impatient. LIKES: Early morning runs, holidays, the first fall of snow, the smell of a new pair of sneakers, thrifting, nailing a new routine on the first try, basketball, soccer, hockey, the cheering of a crowd, the adrenaline rush of a rollercoaster drop, glitter on one's eyes, funky hairstyles, out-of-the-box themes and ideas. DISLIKES: Being laughed at, losing a competition, not being able to get someone to crack a smile, when people start boo-ing others, when people try to peacock too hard, corny pickup lines, online dating.

►MENTALITY

PHOBIAS: N/A DISORDERS: N/A ALLERGIES: Seasonal (Pollen), Bees

►BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: Johannesburg, South Africa CURRENT RESIDENCE: Los Angeles, CA/ Denver, CO EDUCATION LEVEL: BA in Sports Medicine from USC FAMILIAL CONNECTIONS: - Simone Chopra - 44, Mother, In Contact - Sherwin Chopra - 40, Father, In Contact

►FAVORITES

FOOD: Pizza DRINK: Sex on the Beach MOVIE: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen TV SHOW: Perfect Match, Too Hot to Handle BAND: Madonna, Dua Lipa, ABBA SONG: Levitating - Dua Lipa

► EXTRA INFORMATION

JUNG TYPE: ENTP ENNEAGRAM: The Enchanter (3w2) TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral SIN: Pride VIRTUE: Drive ELEMENT: Fire CHARACTER PLAYLIST

"When the night's here, I don't do tears. Baby, no chance."

► BIOGRAPHY

Kamari was born in Johannesburg, South Africa, to two over-the-moon parents. Though she only spent her younger years in South Africa, her hometown still holds some of the best memories of her life. From dancing around with her mother in the kitchen, to singing with her father in a hammock. Her parents moved to Denver, CO, due to her father's job in the tech industry. He worked so hard to go back to school in order to provide once Kamari was an announced pregnancy. Little did he know that would uproot his family to America. Though, Kamari was excited as the 5 year old she was, that she was going on a plane and starting anew. Kamari easily rooted in Denver. Her charisma made her lots of friends, and her intellect made her somewhat of a teacher's pet. She was in Honor Society once she hit high school, and her dating life was overtly active. Even with her mother's worry, it was her father telling her mother to let her live her life how she wanted. Dance was all her idea. She excelled in any and every type of dance class she was enrolled in, and she always wanted to learn more. From belly dancing to tap classes, Kamari was absorbing it all like a sponge. It was to the point that she was put into competitive dance courses and competed for all of her high school years. She even went on to tour with a couple pop stars before going off to college. When granted a full ride scholarship to USC, Kamari was ecstatic. Her parents, though excited and proud, also faced some sadness with watching their young girl go off into the world without them. Kamari took up sports medicine as a major in order to appease her parents as she continues to dance on the USC dance team. Nowadays, Kamari is in Denver, CO, between semesters. She works as a dancer still - going on tour with some of the stars when offered. She also works as a dance instructor at the same place she took lessons as a kid; her side gig being that of a front desk receptionist at The Fitness Factory.

► PERSONALITY

Kamari is a party girl through and through. She's usually the life of the party, as well; Always able to peel people from the walls and getting everyone in high spirits with dancing. Kamari is a winner. She's so used to picking up various sports and skills and just being good at it. She's not used to losing, and that might be a downfall but to Kamari, it keeps her in tip-top shape. You can usually find her with a couple people around her desk; Gregarious to a fault and also a major flirt, Kamari attracts people to her like a magnet. She tends to lead people on both in a romantic sense, but also in a friend sense. Everyone thinks they're Kamari's best friend, but little do they know that they aren't. But, if you genuinely are one of her close friends, Kamari is reliable and a great person to go to when one's stuck in a rut. Kamari is basically FUN personified, okay? Okay.

► PLOTS

They're just girls, breaking hearts: Gimmie Kamari's girl group of friends! They're always out together and they gossip and shop together. Definitely a group that turns heads wherever they show up. Fun and wild vibes, all around! - OPEN (x3)

Jealousy, jealousy: Someone who is Kamari's frenemy who also is jealous of her and vice versa. These two attempt to one-up one another and their friendship is basically running on competition. - OPEN

Girls just wanna have fun: These are the friends who reach out to Kamari when they're in a funk and need to let their hair down. Definitely a balancing act of a friendship. They help to ground Kamari when she gets to be too much. - OPEN (x2)

My favorite bra lives in your dresser: Kamari is head over heels for this person, but they claim it's just casual. Kamari is starting to get frustrated and this person can tell. She's trying to be the cool girl in this situation, but she's ready to raise hell and confront them. - OPEN

Getcha' head in the game: This is someone who tags along with Kamari to games. They also tend to play basketball or even kick a soccer ball around with her. Very wholesome vibes of enjoying one another's company and friendly competition. - OPEN

My kink is watching you ruin your life: Exes on bad terms. We can talk about the specifics, but Kamari genuinely hates this ex's guts. It's almost a screaming match every time they cross paths. - OPEN

[itsawritblr]

Stop buying this bullshit.

I'm gonna get damn real here.

This is an utter and complete lie:

Obesity is second only to smoking as the leading cause of preventable deaths in the U.S.

We know this. This is not up for debate.

Obesity leads to Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, coronary heart disease, stroke, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea and breathing problems.

Oh, and the really fun ones: several types of cancer.

This I have personal experience with. I was "borderline" obese, and supposedly fit. I walked a lot and weight trained. But I developed pre-diabetes and hypertension. Then last June I was rushed to the hospital to have an emergency hysterectomy to remove a cancerous tumor the size of a softball, which had been causing me to bleed non-stop so profusely I came this fucking close to dying from organ failure.

The cancer is the kind that develops in the uterus because an unhealthy amount of estrogen builds up in female body fat, triggering uterine and cervical cancers. The more fat, the more likely you are to develop cancer. (Luckily mine was fully contained, hadn't spread, and they got it all. *knock wood* But I still have to wait a year to be certain it's completely gone.)

Obese, active women in their 20s - 30s and even in their 40s think that because they haven't developed any of these diseases they're healthy and will remain so. What y'all don't want to hear is something you may have heard from older family members: once you get into your mid-40s it's like a switch is turned off. Your metabolism slows and you have to work extra hard to keep weight off, and even harder to lose it. Hence the "middle-age spread." Your 40s is when Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and all the other shit begin to manifest. And you are no longer healthy. In fact, you better fucking pray you have good health insurance.

Greedy assholes and deniers like Lizzo are selling this empty dream that you can be 200+ pounds and it will never lead to illness or joint pain. Getting people to eat healthy food is hard; self-denial ain't fun. So what do we do? We tell girls and women that they can eat whatever they want! No more sacrifice or self-denial! Convince them so they make TikToks that just show them proudly cramming fast food! Convince females that being fit is Oppression and Racism!

Fetishize obesity! Make Obesity fanart a thing!

Sell them XXXL clothes and tell them they're hot at 300 pounds! And when they're in their 40s and start getting ill -- or even before that; Type 2 is showing up in fucking middle-schoolers -- you've already made your money off them, and who the hell cares what damage has been done?

Please, for fuck's sake, don't buy this.

What about someone like Lizzo, who's so active and is vegan? Huh, girl, please. I've seen the TikToks of the vegan food she eats. Vegan fast food. Which still is packed with calories and poisonous levels of sodium.

You have to burn 2500 calories to lose 1 pound. So, if her diet is truly plant-based, Lizzo should be losing a lot of weight. But that girl is still over 250 pounds. This doesn't add up. To maintain her size with her level of activity she has to be eating a shit-ton of food. Probably all that fast food. She's in her 30s now. If she doesn't get that weight off she still faces the probability of any or all of the obesity-related illnesses, no matter how much she works out.

What have I done for my own health? I'm 99% vegan (except for holiday meals). I walk, if not outside then in place at home. I lift weights at home, inexpensive dumbbells and a barbell and a weight bench from a used exercise equipment store. I read Forks Over Knives magazine for recipes and inspiration. My blood pressure is dropping and so is my weight. And I feel better than I have in decades.

Getting weight off when you're younger than 40 is a hell of a lot easier than after. So do it now. You'll live longer and be happier and healthier in your later years. Because unless you die you're going to get older.

This woman is one of my inspirations.

[fauxkaren]

Birthcare Center - 8/10

There was SO much that I loved about this show. It's very funny and visually it's extremely witty and clever- super engaging. And the content is a pretty thoughtful exploration of the difficulty of balancing becoming a mother while also not losing your sense of self. How do you find that balance between maintaining your own happiness while also having this whole new person in your life that you're responsible for? And also just like, all the overwhelming information about the "right" way to be a mom and the mom judgement etc etc. All incredibly worthy topics that are explored with the care they deserve.

Legit, this could have been a 9/10 or 10/10 show for me. It's about a group of very different women with different life experiences and perspectives all in a post partum care center. (Is this a real thing that exists btw?) And they learn about each other and come into conflict with each other and like it's all about their interpersonal relationships and their own journeys as mothers. A+++ material.

HOWEVER, OH MY GOD. The fatphobia in episode 4???? Holy shit, it was bad.

There is a plot in episode 4 that revolves around an actress who has gained a lot of weight through her pregnancy and is now afraid to leave the center because of the judgement of the press. And like there's a sequence that is supposed to be ~hilarious~ where the character is soooooo fat that she gets stuck in a massage chair and a whole group of women have to like gather round to try to yank her free. And of course instead they have the actress playing this fat character in a HORRIBLE fat suit. THEY EVEN GAVE HER FAKE FAT HANDS!!!!! It was an Uncle Jack from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia situation. It's not commented on by other character so it's not like some plot point where like idk her fat hands meant she couldn't dial a phone or something. But when you see this character talk on the phone it's like BAM THERE ARE THESE OBVIOUSLY FAKE RUBBER HANDS.

Other than that nonsense, the show is actually really compelling. The female lead, Hyeon-jin is an older mother (40 years old) who was recently promoted to a director position at her job. There's a lot of tension within her about how to be a good mother while not forgetting herself and her desires. I also thought the relationship with her husband was very sweet. Then there's Eun-jung who is married to a professional golfer and already a stay at home mom to twins and is in the birthcare center after giving birth to her third child. She's the Queen Bee among the moms and has a seemingly perfect life and family on her social media accounts. Ru-da is the third main mother we meet. She's young and unmarried with a lingerie line and often butts heads with Eun-jung. It's a good mix of character types and watching them grow as characters via their relationships with each other is some GOOOOOOD SHIT.

Too bad about the egregious fatphobia.

[sweet-nothing26]

Barbie (2023)

Okay, so here is my take on Barbie, the barbie land vs the real world storyline was a metaphor for the non-exclusivity between womanhood and girlhood. In contrast, manhood and boyhood are mutually exclusive; meaning most boys gradually and slowly shift from boyhood to manhood, so a boy is never a man thus he gets to fully experience the innocence of childhood (which is something girls never had the privilege of experiencing) and a man shall never be referred to as a boy because men acquire endless measures of maturity, wisdom, and logic. As a female, you're either treated as a grown woman when you're still a young child or infantilized, belittled, and misunderstood when you are literally 40 years old. The constant shift of treatment makes you feel like you're tripping on some sort of hallucinogenic and it deeply messes with your perception of who you are.

You're an 11-year-old prepubescent kid walking on your way from school and suddenly you're getting catcalled by men in their late 20s. You rush home, confused and scared, ''but I thought that only happens to women? I'm still a little girl or am I?" and your tiny little innocent brain associates that terrible experience with your developing body, hence you try as hard as you can to bind your nonexistent breasts and lose some weight because that's how you regain that fragment of your lost innocence. You develop every eating disorder in the book trying to look as undesirable as you can. You continue jumping from one ED to another throughout your entire life as a young woman and up till your late 50s. you have lost hours on end thinking about food and calories or actively starving, binging, and purging. You're a 12-year-old girl, sitting with your friends in recess and you hear some of your male classmates talking about their latest pornography watches or rating you girls based on the size of your asses or who has the sexiest neck, hands, mouth...you name it. You cannot grasp what's happening? why the sudden shift? I just wanted to play and run around but everyone around me was eyeing me and sexualizing my body. I was sucking a lollipop and they were laughing. i bent over to grab my fallen pen and now they're making weird sounds. they asked me if I'm familiar with a woman named mia khalifa? who is that? You try to fit in and be more sexual because that's how those boys like it, but then you're considered a cheap whore but if you remain more reserved you are a boring ugly prude who needs to loosen up a little. When Barbie left her perfect world, she was hit by the wave of sexualization which is exactly what happens to every woman in her life. Even if you refuse to contribute to this phenomenon, you will get sexualized, even if you desexualize yourself and announce your asexuality, you will get sexualized. Maybe that's how things are. we are property to men under the patriarchy and this will never ever change in our lifetime (or at least on the bigger scale). Depressing but c'est la vie

[lenniharrisonsims]

Sooo I thought about just answering this and having fun thinking about what each cover would be like, but then thinking about it turned into too much fun, and I decided to actually just make the covers. It took over a week cause my computer is slow but I had fun so, I don't care that I'm posting late 😅

(Shout out to @bridgeportbritt who had the same idea and posted hers first😉 we love ❤)

I really enjoyed doing research into reach magazine's aesthetics, layouts, fonts, and types of poses their cover models usually do. It was a really interesting experiment and honestly would love to do something like this again.

Vogue: Ophelia

I feel like I'm always trying to find the balance between giving Ophelia a unique style that's entirely hers, and also keeping it somewhat aligned with the arbitrary "protocol" rules I have in my head for how royals should dress. So I let her be a true fashionista and rock the cover of Vogue 😉

Sports Illustrated: Kacie

Aside from the swimsuit covers that have ladies in bikinis, (which I feel like didn't really fit any of my characters) SI features current athletes in action in whatever field it is that they are professionals in. The only active athlete I have in my story is Countess Kacie, who is still a member of the Royal Ballet.

Time: Kat

This felt obvious. Time's Person of the Year issue is always talked about, and the British royals (who are heavy inspiration for my story) have been featured numerous times. So it felt like the obvious choice to put Kat, the Simsdom's first ever female ruler, and the Person of the Year.

People: Lulu & Leo

While People has a mix of uplifting and negative stories about the Royal Family, the majority were positive, and most featured "inside scoops" of their daily lives. There was one in particular that featured the Prince and Princess of Wales right after they had Princess Charlotte that talked about their "lovely little family" that I drew inspiration from here.

Forbes: Yue

Forbes "30 Under 30" is also a popular issue looked forward to every year, so I started there, and of course my mind immediately went to Yue, who's been innovating in the digital design space, and who won Creator of the Year in my story so.... I couldn't not put Yue on Forbes. It's where she belongs 😉

Women's Health: Megan

Megan felt like another obvious choice for Women's Health, because a lot of the articles featured on the covers were about healthy recipes, workout plans, and "how to lose weight fast!" and while I don't find that to be a particularly healthy mindset, I thought the best way to go about it would be to feature an actual Doctor. Megan is a pediatric surgeon, not a dietition, but she knows a thing or two about keeping your body healthy lol

Men's Health: Matt

For Men's Health, a lot of the cover models were older gentlemen, late 30s/40s and up, so instead of featuring one of the young guys in my story, I decided to use the Empire's Dad 😉😂 one of his in-game traits is athletic, and every time I open my game, he's working out or swimming, so I've just had in my head that when he's not on engagements for the Empire, he's in the gym, keeping his body fit lol.

Us Weekly: Ben & Taylor

Just like how People Magazine's covers about the Royals tended toward positive, Us Weekly's covers about Royals in particular more often than not tended toward the negative. So I decided to throw in a scandalous tabloid cover that discusses some definitely untrue rumors about Ben and Taylor. Or are they? 👀

Anyways, this was so much fun to do, thank you so much for including me in this ask. Genuinely this was a blast, and I'm really proud of my work 🥰

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

060 of 2023

eating disorder questions~

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have?

EDNOS.

2. when did you develop your eating disorder?

In my mid-teens.

3. are you currently in recovery?

No, I’m not.

4. honestly, do you want to recover?

Life would be easier then.

5. how are you doing today?

Pretty okay, except for being a little bit drowsy.

6. 5 safe foods?

Rice, veggies, fruit, oatmeal, cereals.

7. 5 fear foods?

Red meat, sweets, foods high in fat, processed foods, fast foods.

8. do you count calories?

No, I don’t. This is why I got the EDNOS diagnosis.

9. what is your max calorie limit?

I don’t set limits, but I barely make it to 1000, I guess.

10. what is your height?

180 cm.

11. what is your ultimate goal weight?

50 kg.

12. are you trying to lose weight?

Always.

13. have you ever been called "fat"?

No, not really.

14. have you ever been called "too thin"?

On a daily basis.

15. what is your current goal weight?

55 kg, I made it to 60 already.

16. what was your highest weight?

85 kg.

17. what was your lowest weight?

55 kg.

18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight?

Yeah. Pretty much.

19. does your family know about your eating disorder?

They don’t take it into consideration. In their opinion, it’s a “female disorder”.

20. do your friends know about your eating disorder?

I don’t think so. I don’t discuss it with them. Sometimes someone mentions my eating habits and that’s it.

21. do you wish you didn't have an eating disorder?

Yeah, but oh well.

22. have any "free foods"?

Chewing gum, I guess.

23. how often do you weigh yourself?

I don’t. Only doctors do.

24. thinspo or bonespo?

I don’t care.

25. biggest problem area on your body?

Everything.

26. favourite part of your body?

Eyes.

27. what kind of results do you want to see?

Bones sticking out, particularly hip bones. They already do, though.

28. do you purge?

No, I have emetophobia.

29. do you take laxatives?

I don’t. It would mess up with my medication.

30. how often do you purge?

Never.

31. do you binge?

Never.

32. how long have you fasted for?

Three days.

33. who's your biggest thinspiration?

No one, I couldn’t care less.

34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary?

I don’t have any.

35. favourite thinspo picture?

I don’t care.

36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?

Nope, no way.

37. how does your eating disorder affect your life?

I don’t think about it, but I realised I feel happier when I forget to eat.

38. what is your BMI?

20 or something. Or recently 18.5.

39. do you follow a diet?

No, not really. I just don’t eat things I don’t like.

40. least favourite part about your eating disorder?

Feeling tired all the time.

41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships?

Yeah, with my first ex. He was disordered himself and often he would trigger me on purpose.

42. do you have a "guilty pleasure" food? what is it?

Spaghetti.

43. meanspo or sweetspo?

I don’t even know what these mean.

44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder?

My mother shows symptoms of BED, otherwise no.

45. ever been inpatient?

No, never.

46. ever been outpatient?

Neither.

47. ever been in residential care?

No.

48. ever been in a psych ward?

No.

49. are you currently in therapy?

No, I’m not.

50. what did you eat today?

Rice pudding and a cereal yogurt.

51. are you scared about the holidays?

Not that much, I eat small amounts anyway.

52. are your family/friends supportive?

They barely know.

53. have any other mental illnesses?

Yes, GAD and OCD. Also ASD.

54. looking for ana buddies?

Nope, get out.

55. what is your current weight?

60 kg.