#how to look perfect without trying?
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Struggling to form words.
Why is he so perfect?
Norman modelling for “NEIGHBORHOOD® | Yohji Yamamoto POUR HOMME” menswear in 2023.
Photographer: Shadi
Thank you, @avleegil for the info!
#norman reedus#i honestly forgot what he’s representing here#clothing company?#how to look perfect without trying?#an ad for combusted ovary repair?#i’m putting myself in time out
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SHERLOCK HOLMES (1984 - 1994) ↳ 4x05 | The Bruce-Partington Plans
“I knew you would not shrink at the last,” said he, and for a moment I saw something in his eyes which was nearer to tenderness than I had ever seen. The next instant he was his masterful, practical self once more.
#sherlock holmes#sherlockholmesedit#sherlock holmes granada#granada holmes#granadaedit#johnlock#holmes x watson#perioddramaedit#minee#jeremy brett#edward hardwicke#tvedit#adaptationsdaily#gifshistorical#dailytvfilmgifs#televisiongifs#tvarchive#tvfilmsource#smallscreensource#filmtvdaily#filmtvtoday#nostalgiatvdaily#filmtvcentral#userisaiah#userkraina#userhallie#usermoon#crowleyanthonys#insane of me to try and colour a scene with so much movement without having the patience for it. it's not perfect don't look too closely#anyway i love how they adapt these scenes. watson is never shocked by holmes's tenderness. it's not some revelation. he already knows
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LOVE LOSES !!!!!!!!!!!!
#sorry the idea of most of sonics rivals having a crush on him while sonic himself doesnt know or just doesnt care is really funny to me#anyway idk how i feel about how this looks i jusst kinda rushed it out to get it out of my head#wihtout caring about it looking perfect#this is what i was talking about earlier btw.#when i said i wasgonna try to draw something for valentines but its not actual serious ship art#im a little late . but its still the 14th somewhere im sure#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#jet the hawk#am i allowed to tag the ships if theyre one sided will people get annoyed with me if i do that#whatever im doing it anyway. at the very least so people who dont wanna see ship stuff can filter it out#sonadow#sonknux#sonjet#my art#to be completely honest i dont feel anywhere near as strongly about the idea of shadow liking sonic as i do knuckles and jet liking sonic#but he gets to be included because i cant just make a joke about sonics rivals without including shadow
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can you remember being born? were you born at all
#my art#kuron vld#vld kuron#vld#this is sorta a companiom piece to the haggar one i posted recently#also. just now realising the perfect timing of posting that drawing on MOTHERS DAY of all possible days#i swear i didnt plan that. didnt even cross ny mind?? but its neat ig#this drawing is pretty simple but i really like how it turned out!!!#it was meant to evoke those infographics of human fetus development#its wrong. there should be middle stages between a fetus and a fully grown adult man. but theres nothing there.#like. he had no childhood or anything. he just woke up as a full ass guy. theres no middle point between a mindless clump of cells and him.#no infant. no child. no teenager. just kuron.#this is wrong and unnatural and it shouldnt have happened but it did#the part of him that looks the most alive is the bloody arm. his life depends on it. hes nothing without it.#sigh. i have so much to say abt this piece and i feel like its pretty barebones and simple tbh#but i still cant put into words what i mean!!!!! i am trying and failing!!! argghhhhhhhhg. whateverr#i have THOUGHTS about this but a weird ramble is all youre gonna get folks. maybe one day il write a small coherent analysis of this thing#he will never escape haggar. he was not meant to. hes asleep and clueless and hell never wake up#he wont ever become more than what was planned for him. and he doesnt even know#blood#gore#i guess. not really gore. more like viscera and flesh?#kuronposting
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Bojack Horseman is the last piece of media that I would have expected to have a consistently enduring fandom. It's pretty much non-existent on an average day on Tumblr, but it's obnoxiously popular on other forms of media daily, and it kind of feels like tumblr is dying out in most content anyway, and even on here there's still a decent amount of content that's posted daily that is decent enough for a piece of media that was canceled years ago and wasn't super popular or mainstream even when I was out. It impresses me daily, it's a good thing, since BoJack is the love of my life anyway and is boring as it is, really all that I need for the rest of my sad, lonely, pathetic life.
#I keep trying to cling on to Rick as a comfort character too but honestly it's just not the same#whenever I just cling on to Bojack 100% I fall into this weird headspace where it just feels right#it's perfect for someone that loves niche bright colorful but at the same time depressing medium#with BoJack being my perfect type as a partner#as a mentally ill fanfic maladaptive daydreamer#and a someone who struggles severely with alcoholism and suicide and is looking for validation with that struggle daily#ans ALSO#has been looking for a sense of online community for years that doesn't just randomly die out#I've been checking Bojack culture everyday for literally 3 years straight without missing a single day and there's always something going on#granted the fandom does not care about me but actively despisees me and has made me suicidal more times I can bother to remember at this#point but considering how bleak and resourceless my life has become it's still a pretty good deal#it's much more preferable to that dead inside#utterly empty neurotypical feeling that comes with most media fandoms
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The rise of "let people enjoy things" is single handedly the backbone of the rise of anti intellectualism
#i need to talk about this#disclaimer : im beyond terrible at putting my point across#so with that being said let me attempt at it#let's take look at the hate and misogyny women receive for liking a certain genre of books#that is so often simply countered with let people enjoy things#but we cannot let that narrative take over a whole as if critical thinking is “bad”?#booktok has made it so that disliking a popular books makes you the person with the superiority complex who should just let people enjoy-#-things#but when did criticizing actively target audiences who like that peice of literature? When did that become the narrative?#its all mindless consumption without a second thought to the actual material which can easily be credited to the tropification of books#the enemies do turn into lovers and the best friends do fall in love 10 years down the line#classifying books into tropes and then fulfilling that promise gives books an illusion of being “good” since it checks those boxes-#-that the reader picked up the book for in the first place#the act of reading has kind of been substituted by the act of being a reader and just owning stacks of books#we have turned away from any form of analysis or criticism#if it scratches the itch then its automatically the perfect book without further thought#i cant help but contribute the mere existence of that “itch” to how mordern books are classified into tropes with set plotlines#intelligenctualism is almost always looked at as elitism#reading only classics doesn't make you an intellectual individual but looking at any book with a critical lens may it be a classic or a rom#-com does#criticizing certain aspects of your absolute favorite books is intellectualism and not bullying people who like anything but classics#that distinction is so far lost in translation that talking about how a popular book is objectively bad is being a “hater”#well then im a hater#this is not a hate post for people who actively enjoy booktock or the more popular books#im just trying to introduce any amount of nuance into the conversation thats all#i can honestly go on forever but i think ill end my ranting here#literary criticism#literature#books#anti intellectualism
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Adventures through Liminal Spaces.
#photography#my photography#liminal spaces#in btw#driscoll#i know this isn't my usual thing here but i swear this is writing related lmao#writing#(for good measure)#anyway i stayed at a hotel last weekend for Scene and Setting Vibes and i took SO MANY pictures about it#and at the time i thought 'hell yes documenting the shit out of this'#and when i looked back at them to Make My Scene Notes i was uh. viscerally unsettled. by some of them.#so naturally i must share with the world :)#the hotel was PERFECT for what i needed#half the stairwell lights were just. out.#the ceilings were claustrophobic but the stairwells were uncomfortably wide#nothing matched#can you see how blazing this fluorescent light is#can you see the darkness around the corner that i came from#i stood there for too long trying to get pictures without cars in them lol#(i deleted four that had cars in them)#interiors#interior photography
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🎨 🖼️ 🌈 🩹 🧍🏽💡 🔮⚡️☄️
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John
previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist
#stranger things#bizarre love triangle playlist#will's pov#the choice for this song more so lies in the feeling it evokes#i looked up the meaning of the lyrics and it's fairly simple without much deeper meaning#however#accompanied by will crying in the van scene#'this boy's too young to be singing the blues'#was always such an intense part of the song for me#like it almost felt out of place with the rest of the song whenever i would listen to it#and rewatching this scene and trying to decide on a song that would fit here for the playlist#and coming across this one...#with yellow in the name#also 'the blues'#it's quite perfect#i also love how this edit takes the reference of the song title as we slowly transition out of the scene onto the yellow road 😭#4x08#gif#video
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hm.. closing thoughts. bennie deserved better 😔
#this is what living with your evil parents through your 20s for the sake of your younger sibling does to a mfer#it's so sad too because he and gioia only had 3 years left before she was considered a mini-adult + could move out without it being a whole#hooha... but alas 😢😢#it's not enough to die in the field! you then have to come back weirdstyle and now your friends treat you different because they watched you#die. and now your superiors (including your evil parents) are all breathing down your neck and observing you like a goldfish. and also#you are like... godcharged now? supersoldier style? but when the vigor wears off holy SHIT does it ache + also you feel less and less like#yourself with each passing day. the desire to feast on human flesh and blood is newfound? not fun at all 😱#and THEN. to top it all off. your churchgeneral sends you on a suicide mission to go find an ancient demon because it's your last hope at#finding a cure to stop the Demon Within from eating your entire self. and you both know it probably won't happen but honestly#he just wants you off the island for when you Become Something Else (read: a PR disaster).#and if you do succeed well. hooray! win-win situation‚ right?? ignore how you were thrown to the dogs to figure it out yourself! 💖#so whatever. you go on your hopeless journey and you have some good times along the way w the mainlanders#then! finally! against all odds! you find the giant demon lair you were looking for all along 🍻 perfect timing too because the pain is#becoming unmanageable and the thought of eating people to appease it is very tempting! so into the tomblair you go ⛹🏻♀️ and to your great#luck the great demon you sought out welcomes you in (unnoticed red flag) and promises to cure you (🚩🚩🚩)#but who would have thought the Cure would be becoming his puppet forever!!! wtf!#at least the pain is gone 🤨 most of your consciousness is too but. hey 🤷🏻♀️#this song and dance goes on for 7 years until your baby sister who you unwillingly abandoned comes and kills you whilst trying to figure out#wtf happened to you. man!!!!!#he is the unluckiest man in the world#sriracha.txt#fortuna presequel
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I don't think my husband understands that there is a big difference between the kind of sleep I've been getting and the kind of sleep he's been getting. It's starting to make me very angry
#ignore me#i only sleep for max 4 hours and then have too wale up to feed tje baby#and after that she doesn't sleep for another 4 only for max 2#which means i barely get any of the deep sleep#and he sometimes gets like 8+ hours#and then he has tje audacity to bitch at me that he deserves to sleep in too#like boyo you slept 10 hours this week#my max was 8 including the feeding breaks which means definitely not 8???#In 8+ months i had the pleasure of sleeping without feeding duty twice#like does he even understand the level of exhaustion I have by now???#i think i wouldn't care if he didn't have the audacity to pretend that he never gets enough sleep anymore which is factually not true#he sleeps more than he did before the baby which is okay cause he's been more busy since then#but dont bitch at me please? I'm tired too... I'm trying my best with not enough rest too#I'm so tired my baby thought i was upset and tried to cheer me up#what a cutie#she always tries to cheer me up when I'm not smiling which is not necessary??? i cannot smile all the time???#but i guess for her it's weird to not look concentrated or happy#i know she isnt scared. of me cause sometimes when i get a bit more stern she goes “oh oh” so i think she does it cause she is happy so i#should be making the happy face too after all she is happy???#at least i think that babies have no concept of other people feelibg other things than them. yet#anyways being a mom is hard jesus christ how the fuck do single moms manage???#or moms with useless husbands???#not saying we are perfect but at least my husband helps as much as he can and i can leave him alone with the baby as long as he has milk#i need to talk with him about this
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What ive learned about the yakuza community is that you guys are way too hung up over that scene in y4 where he pinned haruka to the ground then started panting really heavily , that didnt happen for me , that scene wasnt real to me i forgot about it.
#Yakuza loveblog#it literally didnt happen for me like the game could have been perfect without it so i took it out#like how could you not like saejima he... he would be the perfect man if not for that scene#but it WOULD be funny to make haruka have beef with both majima (kidnapped her) and saejima (lowkey assaulted her)#saejima wouldnt do that .. he loves kids ...#i adore saejima i think hes super cool and extremely hardcore. more hardcore than kiryu even and kiryu is extremely hardcore#saejima was the first to almost die in the snow but unlike kiryu he didnt even get frostbite#well he did a bit but it wasnt that bad ... kiryus fingers were one hard press from having the flesh slough right off#anyway HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE SAEJIMA HES SO COOOOOOL#Hes so charismatic and you can tell the depths of his empathy are unfathomable ... he looks at someone with sorrow and you know his heart#is breaking. he always gets so serious and sombre when hes trying to convince someone not to go down a dark path#my stomach HURTS. see saejima could have given me medicine because he is so kind#you have got to forgive him for pinning haruka to the ground with his knee between her legs like you need to forgive him#that was a slipup he was never planning on doing anything and he was very sorry for it ... i swear to you he just froze up he wasnt planning#on touching her or anything ... you know whos truly to blame ? kiryu. for standing there once again like a stone starue and letting it happe#hey ‘suzuki’ (lol thats a good one i might steal it later) i know youre an escaped convict because of the animalistic look in yout eye when#you pinned my twelve year old daughter to the ground and slobbered on her. and not the other telltale signs like you wearing a prisoners#outfit when you washed up on shore (lol) no there were no other clues. that was what tipped me off#hated kiryu in y4 he is useless. i will never forgive him. see saejima was panicking because haruka was going to call an ambulance. kiryu#had a cool head and he still decided to do some stupid shit. too bad i badly want men who make bad decisions and want to fuck kiryu so much
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What did Kopaka remember?
Quiet in the mountains. Chaos. Endless seas. Clanging of metal. Chills of adrenaline in battle.
Warmth in his chest.
The last one was puzzling.
The first three he could see; the second two he could imagine from a glorious past as a proud Toa, a warrior, a hero - the clear shape of it forgotten, but its meaning still there.
The last one, though.
The last one was puzzling.
He was a Toa of Ice. A being forged in endless blizzards, as unrelenting as the avalanche, the snowstorm, the glaciers - as impenetrable as the permafrost that freezes the roots on their path.
He was not supposed to feel warm in his chest.
He was not supposed to be clumsy or get lost easily, either.
Who had ever heard of that? A hero who could not find his path? Did that mean he would not have recognized his own destiny if the elder had not assigned a Protector to guide him? That he would have wandered aimlessly, confused, if not rescued and merely left to his own devices? That he could have been swayed by the minions of Makuta and turned into a foe of his own siblings with ease? That it could have taken as little as a step in the wrong direction to turn him to evil?
He tried not to dwell on that.
He tried desperately not to dwell on that.
He turned his thoughts to Pohatu.
It always helped, to turn his thoughts to Pohatu.
Pohatu was... Well.
Pohatu was perfect.
He was powerful, stalwart, dutiful. He did not speak unless needed, sometimes not even then. He remained serious, stoic, focused in the face of danger. Nothing could have made him crumble, nothing could have made him doubt or flinch. He was smart, and steady, and strong: he was above them all.
He was a proper hero.
The only one out of all the Toa who Kopaka could truly look up to, aspire to be like.
Tahu was too loud, obnoxious, bossy, Gali too neurotic and self-certain; Onua was kind, but slow to wits and hardly capable of dosing his power; Lewa refused to listen to anyone but himself.
And Kopaka, though try as he might to seem so, was far from perfect.
Pohatu was perfect.
He envied him. He adored him.
So what if he was aloof, what if he seemed to hate them? What if a Scorpio or two got him once? What if he got nervous in the dark, and needed a shoulder to lean on to steady his breathing again? Happens to the best of us.
Of course Kopaka would protect him.
Of course he would jump to his defense.
It was an honor.
A way to show him.
See? I am like you. I am a true warrior like you. I am a proper ally to you. I am worth your time.
What self-centered things to think.
But he could not help it.
Pohatu was perfect.
He truly was.
Kopaka watched him as he slept, warmed by a fire Tahu had set up, instead of focusing on the surroundings of the camp. He watched him safe from judgement, as all the others too were asleep - he could hear their breaths and snores, could tell them apart from those alone. He watched him: he slept sitting up, curled in on himself, hands clamped around his arms, knees pulled to his chest, head dangerously leaning forward always about to fall. The glow barely escaping the sliver between his eyelids was dim. Something in the way they were shut gave the impression he was frowning fiercely beneath his mask.
He looked so strangely small.
He never looked happy.
Why did that hurt?
That was just how he was. Never happy. Never overtly, maybe never at all. Always more concerned with something else.
Why did that hurt?
It was a phantom pain, behind his nape.
He could not place it, could not figure it out.
It must have been something, one of the many things he could not remember, not fully, not completely. Something shapeless, but still there.
What did Kopaka remember?
Quiet in the mountains. Chaos. Endless seas. Clanging of metal. Chills of adrenaline in battle.
Warmth in his chest.
Dark.
Mlexqr?
Mlexqr!
Mlexqr!
Pohatu was looking at him.
It scared him briefly.
His hand had somehow gone, all on its own, to find and hold the Toa of Stone's.
He hadn't even noticed he'd moved closer to him.
He hadn't even noticed he'd woken him up.
He hadn't even noticed he'd held his hand.
Pohatu was looking at him.
Kopaka looked back, silently, stupidly, because he could not have explained himself if he had wanted - and he wanted, stars above knew he wanted.
This was no heroic behaviour. This was no behaviour at all, period.
What would the other think of someone like that? Someone who moves closer to a sleeping person and holds their hand like that, for no reason, waking them up out of nowhere and not offering a single explanation for the trouble?
He was annoyed, certainly. He had to be. He had to hate him by now, for such an incomprehensible inane action.
What was he doing?
What was he doing?
He couldn't even answer himself.
He kept holding his hand.
He should have stopped.
He kept holding his hand.
Pohatu was looking at him.
He did not let go of Kopaka's hand.
The shape of his eyes seemed less furrowed. Slightly, only slightly. But it really did seem a little less furrowed.
Tenderly, comfortingly, uselessly, Kopaka caressed the other's knuckles with his thumb.
Pohatu let him.
They remained like that for a while.
A long while.
Kopaka watched intently as the other Toa's face, what little he could see of it, mellowed out until it was calm. He watched as his breathing turned deeper, more tranquil. As his body unclenched.
It reminded him of that moment as they walked underground, looking for a way back to the surface, before they'd emerged from the empty tomb into the city's cemetery - when Pohatu had suddenly leaned on him, silently, and had seemed to be soothed immensely by his mere presence.
Maybe Lewa had been right. Maybe he was afraid of the dark.
No wonder he had looked so terribly unhappy as he slept. There was nary a light in the sky. Even stars would have barely done anything to help.
He had nothing to worry about now, Kopaka's hand said with a gentle dead seriousness through the gentle chill that it emitted as he kept caressing Pohatu's knuckles with his thumb. He was there with him. He was not letting go of him.
The phantom pain behind his nape cried.
They did not say anything.
But Pohatu's dim eyes took a strange shape, a softer shape. A shape Kopaka recognized.
Beneath his mask, he was smiling.
Smiling.
Warmth in his chest.
So sweet and sudden that it burnt and singed and scarred him beneath his armor, potent enough to make his heart stutter and shake with a violence he wasn't sure anything else could replicate.
Kopaka tightened his hold a tad more.
Pohatu smiled.
Just a little, but he smiled.
Warmth in his chest.
The phantom pain behind his nape wailed.
Pohatu's head laid on his knees, maybe not too comfortable, but no longer at risk of slamming onto them. His hand was slack in Kopaka's, though it held on: it felt like a stone left under the sun, radiating pleasant heat upon a chilly palm.
He had fallen asleep again.
Kopaka continued caressing his knuckles for a moment more, just to make sure he wouldn't wake up immediately.
He looked into the fire, into the night. He should have let go, at some point: certainly the Toa of Stone wouldn't have enjoyed being made fun of by Lewa for needing his hand held throughout the night. Certainly he would have glared at him viciously, yanking himself away from his fingers with a hissed warning of never doing that ever again.
Or maybe he would have said nothing, and only hated him in silence.
Or maybe he would have said nothing, and held onto him still.
He thought back to the shape of his eyes when smiling.
Such a familiar shape.
A familiar look.
A warm look.
Warmth in his chest.
When Gali took over guard duty and allowed him to rest, Kopaka forgot to let go.
#bionicle#bionicle 2015#kopaka#pohatu#random writing#this is a sequel(?) to my other bionicle 2015 fic#some sweet commenter asked for a part 2 and i was like lol how would i even do a part 2. and now i wrote the part 2#kohatu#taggin that bc idk if this could come off as non-romantic somehow. if it can and you prefer to read it that way: go for it#anyways i love overthinking 2015 pohatu and kopaka. the magnificent dynamic that they simply Do Not Have bc the series Barely Exists#i wrote kopaka as idolizing pohatu bc in his character spot description it says that 'he strives to be perfect'#and since pohatu is 1) a stoic ass unyielding shitbrick of a powerhouse and 2) without immediately visible flaws#hes THE model for someone who wants to be both unbreakable shield and unbreakable lance to look up to. like the archetype of the perfect to#which he isnt ofc bc he is just a guy with severe acluophobia#this is like. kopaka realizing that. and remembering vaguely how pohatu used to be and hurting for how much he changed and hurts now#you will have to try prying tenderness between them (platonic or not) from my Cold Dead Fucking Hands and you Will Fail
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when gerard way said “when i grow up i want to be nothing at all” i felt those words in my gdamn soul bro
#cried alone in my car parked in my driveway for like 17 minutes#i feel so hopeless and useless and stupid so so so stupid i’ll never be smart enough like the other nurses#i can’t fucking think im too slow i don’t know anything#it’s the emergency room and god for fucking bid i have an emergent patient i don’t know wtf to do ever#i don’t know how to initiate protocols or contact interdisciplinary or put in complex orders i don’t know anything i’m so useless#everyone thinks i’m stupid i’ve been on orientation for like 2 months know and i’m still the same useless stupid novice airhead new grad#i just get so frazzled i feel like everyone expects so much out of me and i have to be perfect to meet their standards#but im stupid im subpar im not good enough like them like#ever if they’ve been nurses for years and i’ve only been working as one for legit 2 months it’s just i still don’t know how to do anything#it’s like i can’t think i don’t do things how they want me to do them and then i look stupid im the attending doctor thinks i’m so dumb but#she wouldn’t even hear me out like i know you want both fluids running i know it’s important but he only has.1 IV and they aren’t compatible#we’re trying to start a second IV and he had difficult veins like why are you trying to tell me i’m stupid i know why you ordered it thatway#it’s like nobody gets my dumbass brain but that’s not their fault bc they can think clearly and convey their thoughts to people without#sounding like a fucking dumbass i have no critical thinking skills im just useless i hate this so much i don’t want to be here it sucks#i never wanted to be a nurse i never wanted to be anything i was 12 years old hoping i’d be dead by 18#and now i’m 23 and i’m still fucking here but it’s clear i shouldn’t be i don’t fit in im not fit for society#i should be euthanized like an unwanted dog that’s been at the shelter for too long that’s exactly what i am#20min later still crying can’t stop being a fucking crybaby pitypartying myself i’m the worst oh my god grow the fuck up already#why is everything so difficult for me why can’t i just fit in literally everyone knows i don’t belong#i’m the dumbest most useless new grad orientee and EVERYONE knows it even management it’s so embarrassing#i’m so embarrassed to be alive and take up space that could be filled by someone so much better smarter prepared someone meant to be there#i don’t want this i don’t want any of this i never wanted to grow up im just a kid in my head i’m so pathetic#i wish i was smart and good at something i wish people looked at me and thought o wow i respect her bc she’s also a good nurse#nobody likes me i’m such a burden to everyone the doctors my preceptors other nurses who deserve to be there#i’m leaking snot everywhere today wasn’t even that bad but i think it’s all just hitting me now how helpless i am#i’m so tired of myself and waking up and making a fool of myself every shift fucking stupid loser i hate myself i try so hard and it’s not#it’s not enough it’s never enough im not enough im an imposter i’ll never be as good as the other nurses even tho i’m really really trying#i seriously don’t want to do this anymore i don’t want to be here i can’t do it everyone knows i’m not cut out for this they all talk shit#ramblings
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every time i think the "staff can do no wrong and any form of complaining or expressing literally anything other than "yaaay love it <3" with no further comments is bashing and literally evil we should never say anything that could even potentially be interpreted as mildly critical ever because ~some artist who worked hard on this is probably reading the forums and might feel bad if we ever express anything but praise~ also we must be constantly positive at all times unless we're passive-aggressively shaming someone for having an extremely polite and apologetically worded criticism and if you ask the staff for literally anything you had better be prepared to preface it with 3 paragraphs of apologizing for breathing air" attitude is bad on tumblr, i take one look at the forums, and holy fucking hell is it SO much worse on site
#i go for years at a time without ever bothering to look at fr forums#and then every time i do i remember why i stopped#it feels like a goddamned cult on there and every time i dip my toes i come out feeling slimy and sick#as if i just spent an hour being aggressively gaslit by my extremely manipulative grandmother#what the fuck is wrong with everyone#i'm glad i decided to keep this creepy fucking fandom at arm's length and mostly just lurk years ago#that place is not a healthy environment for anyone to be in#flight rising#legitimately the single worst fandom i've ever had the misfortune of being adjacent to#and in such a creepy and insidious way too#they'll call you an entitled whiny baby to your face and then convince you it's your fault and you're a horrible person for feeling offende#it feels like being neck deep in the absolute worst kind of preformative sj spaces#you know the ones where everyone interacts primarily via callout posts and there's discourse over if crossdressing is cultural appropriatio#that kind of toxic sj space type energy#but somehow combined with like this weird feeling of being in a mormon church in a deep south town#where all the “nice grandmas” will try to put poison in your food if they find out you're gay or voted blue even one time#and it's somehow gotten SO much worse since the last time i looked on there#they've got people literally apologizing for existing what the fuck how is this normal to any of you people#this is so far beyond toxic positivity it's like. crossbred with passive-aggression and shaming and metastatized into something new entirel#it's terrifying. i hope flight rising never shuts down just so that whatever the fuck this is can stay semi-contained.#pro tip: the more a fandom is universally convinced it's Wonderful and Welcoming the faster you should run the other way#actually good fandoms don't have to constantly reassure themselves and everyone that they're great and perfect and toxicity-free#nor do they react with immediate borderline violence to the slightest suggestion there might be anything wrong with the fandom culture#anything wrong other than “people like you who think there's something wrong with our perfect community” anyway#on that note also any fandom that insistently calls itself a “community” just. yeah. no.#get out while you still can.#fandoms work on corporate logic if they're trying to convince you they're your family or friend that's not just a red flag#that's a whole damn red fabric store
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okay like the thing is. if i was going to write actual real marie fic with plot and consequences and everything. even in the hypothetical fic with lucifer being released from his rewritten character back to factory settings (s5) he’s still like. he’s not a good person. it’s important to me that if this was a real fic and not just me shitposting, that lucifer does not magically become a good person this way. or a good parent. in fact, he’s probably worse because he now has empirical evidence to back up that God will, when convenient, erase who he is, make him worse, make it so that there’s never any choice but for him to get worse. And who’s to say it isn’t still happening. who’s to say lucifer is “back to normal” because nephilim baby interference and not because God thought it would be more interesting to see him spiral down from a higher place rather than fall over already at rock bottom.
#he’s paranoid he’s possessive he’s a bitch he has daddy issues he doesn’t even know what (human) children eat#there’s a part of him that loves jack & marie so much it’s actually a dangerous terrifying thing and then another part of him that’s scared#of that love itself. for what it means he could do to them. for what it means they can do to him. the power they hold by existing and being#his babies. and then even another part that. not hates or resents but. he looks at them and thinks. did i choose this? i love you. i dont#know if i wanted you. i dont know if you’re just what my father used me to make for the next chapter. but i love you.#like yes there is the version of marie twin au where everything is Fine and theyre happy and everything gets wrapped up neatly#but realistically. that is not how the story actually goes. lucifer is not so easy to wrangle as that.#and neither are tfw for that matter. just because lucifer looks like a better parent to the twins on the surface (doesn’t threaten to murder#them daily) doesn’t mean he’s actually. good. at not hurting them in different ways. i mean. his example is god. he’s trying to surpass#someone that he can’t even. like even at his most rebellious. god is still on a pedestal and its everything around him that sucked shit. but#he still had to know what he was doing. and so lucifer is trying to surpass someone he hasn’t yet figured out how to look at without. well.#making him into a god. a perfect one or a cruel one.#at some point lucifer is going to realize he needs to be a father. not a god. is what i think im saying. but that takes time.#marieposting
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Guess who finally got Sludge after ages of me forgetting to get it for him!
#flight rising#this man has been in incomplete limbo in my lair for YEARS#i bought him to use the lava eater accent on him#he started off just needing metallic to make him look like obsidian#then eyepocalypse happened and i was like 'oh i'll never get primal for him even though it'd fit'#(i was busy trying to roll rare on a fandragon and was getting nothing but unusual so i had NO HOPE THERE)#sludge got released and i thought it was perfect for him but just... kept forgetting to brew stuff to get my level up#followed by eye vials that i had to save up for (this was before i learned how to do g&g so it took a long time)#and then ground saved me from having to buy metallic because it fit him better (even if i had to abandon the obsidian thing)#and now i finally hit the level to brew sludge without renting a cauldron and he is finally. FINALLY. done#started from bar/shimmer/crackle/common and now we're here :'3#...now i gotta get the genes for maple's expensive ass and get HIM out of project limbo
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