#how to get a job abroad without experience

[yuna542]

Connected (OT8 x reader)

Part 2 <-

Part 3

Pairing: Chan x Reader + hardcore Felix Fluff

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: big Fluff, Suggestive stuff

Word Count: 2.8k

Note: So I‘m getting into tumblr and learn every few seconds new stuff. Still confused btw. So here we go with an other Part. Have fun! Who doesn‘t love a good slow burn?

On your first day of your new job as the personal manager of Stray Kids, you didn't expect to be standing in front of the man you made out with last night in a club. But it soon becomes clear that the Stray Kids don't just want you as their manager.

Will this passionate arrangement end your career?

The months flew by and you had learned more in a very short time than ever before in your life.

It turned out that you had a hidden talent for the job. You were able to remember all the dates, appointments and important facts without any problems, got to know important contacts in no time and soon knew every detail about the history of Stray Kids.

In the first few months the guys helped you extremely to immerse yourself in the K-Pop world and even though it was very different from the media world in America, your experience helped immensely. Your contacts around the world were also an advantage for JYP Entertainment. Especially when it came to planning future projects and concerts abroad.

It didn't take long for a friendly relationship to develop between you and the kids. It was unavoidable, after all you were the same age and the boys were so charming that it couldn't leave anyone distant. They did not attach importance to a professional relationship and loved it just to have fun and tease each other all the time.

Each one had his own charm and you admired not only their talent, but also their enormous amount of work and drive they put into every little detail of their career.

You quickly realized that they were like brothers to each other as well, and especially through Chan, you got to know many stories from their trainee-days.

The night at the club has remained unmentioned ever since. As if it had never happened, but you couldn't stop the memories from playing like a movie in front of your inner eye when Chan came into your office with a warm smile, when he stretched out on the sofa in the studio, or when he kept looking at you to see if you liked his concepts for new songs.

To be honest, you had already become a huge fan of their music in the first few days and the fact that they produced everything themselves was even more impressive.

Chan still went out of his way to make you feel welcome and although it was your job to make sure everything went smoothly and without a hitch for the guys, it was him who was constantly concerned about your well-being.

It was Monday morning when you walked into your office with your eyes on the schedule for today. You set the Ipad down on your desk and sighed because of the huge amount of work, that heads in-front of you. The Comeback of Straykids was planned to take place in a few month and you would have to get a lot of thing done, before that could happen. When you lifted your eyes, you couldn't help but grin.

Like every morning, there was a steaming mug of coffee on your desk.

It had started when Felix had seemingly casually asked how you liked your coffee best.

Chan had been sitting at his laptop with thick headphones on his ears. Which is exactly why you were even more surprised when there had been a matcha latte macchiato on your table the next morning and Chan was the only one already in the building.

It was always like that. The leader was the first one in the studio early in the morning and usually the last one to leave. You were sure by now that he often didn't even go home at all.

Just as you took a sip of the hot coffee, a message popped up on your phone.

"The song is ready. Wanna hear it first?"

Immediately, you jumped up and ran to Chan in the studio. He was sitting in his chair and turned to you when you walked in.

He had a mug of black coffee in front of him as well, and smiled broadly when he saw the mug he bought you in your hand.

"Good morning, beautiful", he chirped.

"Morning, Channie. Already working?", you asked and he nodded sleepy.

"I also tried the one with matcha powder today because you're so excited about it“, he said as you dropped down on the sofa behind him.

"So?", you asked eagerly, clasping the warm cup with both hands.

Along the way, you slipped off your black pumps and pulled your legs up to get comfortable on the sofa. When it was just you and the boys, nothing felt like work and they had made sure you could completely relax in their presence.

It was nice to see that they trusted you too and were themselves when you are together.

Chan scrunched his nose and turned all the way around to face you.

"It tastes horrible. How can you drink that?"

You furrowed your eyebrows and pointed at his half-empty cup.

"That didn't stop you from drinking it!"

"Caffeine is caffeine.“

Chan leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head.

As he did, you looked at him properly for the first time today. His hair was curly and a complete mess. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked exhausted.

Your eyes wandered over the empty ramen cups and water bottles that were all over his desk.

"Channie, have you been here all night again?", you asked cautiously, setting the cup down on the table.

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and yawned in confirmation.

"Jisung sent me his part yesterday and it took me all night to revise the track. But now it's finished."

Worried you pressed your lips together and sighed.

"I know! Don't look at me like that and don't say it! Please."

But you said it anyway:

"Chan, you need to sleep more and take a break too!"

„It's funny, that you say that“, he muttered when he had already turned back to his screen.

"Excuse me?", you asked, and he glanced over his shoulder.

"You didn't get out of your office until midnight last night. You think I wouldn‘t notice?"

"Are you stalking me, you creep?"

He couldn't hold back his laughter now and clicked on a file on his laptop.

"You wish. You would like that, huh?"

Now you had to laugh, too.

"Really charming."

He winked cheekily at you over his shoulder and his courser hovered over the play button for what seemed like an eternity now.

"What's on the schedule today?", he asked after a few seconds, and that's when you couldn't help but grab a pillow and throw it at his head.

"Stop stalling for time! If you don't show me the song right now, I'm going to kill you! Seriously Chris!“

He knew that if you said his name like that again he could not refuse you a single wish. Chan put the pillow in his lap and squinted his eyes as he finally started the song.

You couldn't understand why he always were so nervous before he showed you some of his work. He and the other guys were real geniuses when it came to creating music out of thin air.

The beat was fast but melodic and when the first rap part of Changbin started, you were already excited.

The hook was already catchy after the second repetition and every single line was again something special.

By the time the song was over, Chan had pressed the pillow against his face as if he couldn't stand your reaction.

It was cute that he seemed to care so much about your opinion, even though millions of people loved what he created.

Carefully, he lowered the pillow and looked at you in fear.

"What do you think?", he asked, and you leaned back on the couch.

"Please be honest!"

Briefly, you paused and looked at him. His hopeful face was so cute that you had to look at the floor to keep from staring.

"It's okay", you replied, crossing your arms unimpressed.

Chan looked like he was going to cry at any moment and gripped the pillow so tightly that his knuckles stood out white.

"Okay?", he repeated back to you, and you immediately felt sorry for him as he looked disappointedly at his screen, as if he could figure out the mistake that way.

"Maybe I should have arranged the first part differently.... If I..."

At that point, you couldn't take it anymore and started to bursted out laughing. Without understanding, he looked at you again.

"I'm just messing with you! This song is amazing. I want to hear it again."

Chan now looked completely confused and didn't quite realize what you were saying yet. He was clearly too tired and you felt guilty for playing with his emotions like that.

At least until the corners of his mouth lifted dangerously.

"You really are unbelievable...", he muttered and you tried to avoid grinning like an idiot.

"Are you serious? You like it?"

"Yes. This is really extremely good, Chan! Can we hear it again?"

"For you to play with my feelings like that..."

Now he finally seemed to believe you, but before you could get to safety, he had jumped up out of his chair and tossed the pillow aside. A challenging glint entered his eyes and you got goosebumps right away.

"What are you up to?", you asked, looking up at him in intimidation.

"You almost broke my heart! You'll get that back!", he said, grinning like a menace. Wide-eyed, you slid back, but he was already leaning over you, pinching your sides.

You tried to fight off his hands, but since you were way too ticklish and he was much stronger, you just squirmed under him giggling and already had tears in your eyes.

Seungmin had found out by accident that you were extremely ticklish when he had teased you and lightly pinched your side. You had let out a squeak that silenced even Han's torrent of words. Since then, Chan and Han especially liked to take advantage of that.

"Stop it, please!", you pleaded, chuckling and pressing your back harder into the back of the sofa, but Chan was clearly enjoying your suffering and grinning wickedly.

"Then apologize!" he said, pinching your side again.

You gasped with laughter and shook your head.

"No way!"

"Then I won't stop."

Desperately, you grabbed his wrist and actually managed to pull him off his feet with one tug. What you didn't consider was that he was now falling on top of you.

At the last moment he caught himself next to your head and you stared at each other, startled.

Your heart hammered wildly in your chest as now suddenly his lips hovered just a finger's width in front of yours, his body was tight against yours and you felt the fabric of his pants against your inner thighs.

His eyes also wandered aimlessly through your face until they lingered on your lips.

Your breath stopped and you had to think again about that night at the club when you both didn't know who the other was.

Your hand was still grabbing his wrist and even though he had been working all night, he smelled like soap and woodsy perfume.

"Chan“, was the only thing you managed to say as his breath bounced against your lips. A Deja-vu rolled over you and he probably felt the same way. His chest was pressed against yours, so you could feel his heartbeat racing.

Then suddenly the door handle was pushed down and you scattered apart as fast as startled pigeons.

Your heart was pounding in your ears and you tugged your skirt back into place, which had slipped all the way up your legs.

Changbin was standing in the middle of the room, looking back and forth between Chan and you in confusion because of the strange silence.

Chan, meanwhile, was sitting back in his chair, his face pale as if he had seen a ghost.

"Am I interrupting something?", Changbin asked, and you both shook your heads vehemently.

"No! Not at all!", you quickly said and grabbed your coffee to give your nervous hands something to do.

Shortly after Changbin, Jisung, Hyunjin and Jeongin also arrived, they listened to the finished song as well, meanwhile you remained silent, trying to find a explanation for what had almost happened just then.

If Changbin hadn't interrupted you, what would have happened? This time you had been sober, and yet it had just happened.

It wasn't supposed to happen. After all, you were working for Chan. JYP himself would kill each of you if they would know just a bit of what had happened and even more if they knew about the unholy thoughts wandering around your head.

At some point, you felt a hand brush your knee and looked into Hyunjin's worried eyes.

"Are you all right?", he asked quietly.

Briefly, you looked to Chan, who was discussing another song with Jisung and Jeongin. Your eyes met for a moment, but you quickly looked away and put on a carefree smile.

"It's all right, Jinnie! I'm just a little tired."

Hyunjin frowned and looked less than convinced. To reassure him, you put a hand on his and squeezed it gently.

Glancing at your phone, you stood up and that's when the conversation in the room fell silent.

"I need to get back to work. Chan will you send me the finished song so we can work on the concept?", you asked monotonously.

Chan nodded curtly.

"Sure."

The tension in the air was thick and the others looked back and forth between you two in confusion. Then you left the room and, to your good fortune, your phone rang.

Thanks to talking to the choreographer about the new dances for the comeback, you were able to distract yourself for quite a while.

Later that day, there was a knock on your door. You looked up from the email you were writing to one of the makeup artists who was up for selection to come on tour with the kids.

Felix waved in greeting, putting a smile right on your face.

"Hey," he said, standing in front of the table.

"Hey, Lix," you mumbled tiredly, brushing the hair out of your face.

"Hyunjin told me you behaved a little weird earlier. Are you okay?"

You closed your eyes for a moment and smiled. Hyunjin and Felix could both sense from miles away when something was wrong. It was always remarkable how observant they both were of the people surrounding them.

"I'm just tired."

"Then take a break! We ordered food and we all want to relax together in the practice room. Come on, it'll be fun!"

"I know what you're trying to do. But I really have a lot to do."

"You're always making sure I don't overwork myself and that it doesn't get too much for me. Now I want to take care of you. You need a break too!"

When you made no move to get up, he came around the table and took your hands in his. Gently he pulled you to your feet and wrapped his arms around your waist to hug you tightly.

Oddly enough, that was exactly what you had needed just then. Felix's body heat and pleasant scent allowed you to breathe a sigh of relief at that moment, and you no longer felt as crushed as you had all day.

He rested his chin on your shoulder as you returned the hug and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"You don't have to say what's wrong. We just want you to feel better“, he murmured empathetically, stroking his hands over your back. His touch was so intimate, yet full of respect, that it took your breath away. As before with Chan, you simply felt comfortable in Felix's arms. As you break away from him with a heavy sigh, you continue to keep your arms wrapped around his neck. He also continues to hold you by the waist and only through this you feel upright again. His eyes look warmly at you and a gentle smile spreads across your lips.

"Thank you, Lixie. I needed that."

"I know."

His empathy was from another world. It was comfortable to be so close to him, tightly pressed at each other and your faces just a hand's width apart. His eyes began to roam over your face as his hands stroked up your sides a little.

"You're very important to me...to us“, he said in his deep voice, which immediately caused a flutter in your stomach.

In response, you gave him a kiss on the cheek, which made him freeze. It had happened simply because you could not express in words your gratitude for him. It was just a quick kiss, but Felix's body was suddenly tense. He had to swallow as his gaze wandered down and caught at your cleavage. He quickly stared at your face, caught, and his cheeks turned rosy. With a clearing of his throat, he carefully let go of you.

"Are you coming with me?"

With a warm feeling in your stomach, you finally nodded.

"Only if there's sushi!"

Relieved, he laughed and took your hand.

"Anything you want.“

His fingers intertwined with yours and he pulled you with him.

->Part 4

———————————————————————————© Yuna542 — 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

Taglist (open):

@hgema @bookwyrm28

[average-transdalorian]

Several post-canon dungeon meshi headcanons (spoilers below the cut)

The first effect noticed from the Demon’s death was that background mana levels rose to (on average) that of somewhere between floors 3 and 6 of the dungeon. Patterns in the fluctuation of background mana are eventually discovered, as are several low-mana and high-mana areas

Many magic researchers moved to the Golden Kingdom, hoping that being at the epicenter would make their research into the changes go faster than their colleagues abroad. Due to this, many magic colleges were established in the Golden Country, and it became known as one of the best places to send magic users to or hire magic users from outside of the Elves’ Western lands

Due to the higher mana concentration, monsters began to spawn at higher rates on the surface. Travel between villages/cities became more dangerous, and more guards and defensive technologies were required at population centers

Many dungeoneers turned to guarding cities/villages and traveling caravans (adopted as one of the main modes of travel due to safety in numbers) to make money using their skills from dungeoneering

Others made companies that would go on monster hunting expeditions and bring back monster corpses as a way of finding more and more varied resources

The Golden Kingdom had some of the best monster hunting legislation in place, as its (re)founders understood that even monsters shouldn’t be overhunted or allowed to overgraze

Toshiro ended up being assigned as his dad’s (or his dad’s lord’s? Idk how powerful his dad was exactly) ambassador to the Golden Kingdom

Falin, at some point, proposes a fund to allow those who can’t pay to do so themselves to travel the world much the way she did. It is initially deemed too costly for the young kingdom’s treasury, but is kept in mind for a few decades until it could be put into place

Someone realizes eventually that Karka/Kahka Broud should’ve had stories of an ancient kingdom that up and sank into the sea one day. The revealed censorship causes a mild political scandal

Leed does not marry Laios, but Zon is given a title and some land. Conflict between the Orcs and their neighbors are the most common political issue that Laios faces; while anti-Orc prejudice is lower in the Golden Kingdom (and actively lowering) than other countries, it is still prevalent, and requires requires the crown to step in on occasion

A memorial to Senshi’s old companions is erected at the old entrance to the dungeon, commemorating how without them, he couldn’t have been able to help Laios and his party defeat the demon. Senshi is added to the memorial after his death

A memorial to Thistle is erected in the palace’s courtyard, detailing his motivations and spiral as dungeon lord. Further memorials are erected with it to Laios, Mithrun, and Marcille after their respective deaths, each detailing their experiences with the Demon and as dungeon lord

The Half-Foot laborer’s guild helps ensure that every Half-Foot is able to get a good job. Inspired by this, several other guilds were established

Although he never gets a memorial (by his own request), several Union terms end up being derived from Chilchuck’s name

Izutsumi invents a few different sports between her own travels. She never has an official job, but certainly gets by well enough

The Golden Kingdom legalizes supervised research into several types of ancient magic. Making beastkin is legalized, although with HEAVY restrictions due to moral concerns

The Golden Kingdom sees a steady influx of immigrants during Laios’ lifespan as more and more people seek safety from monsters within the curse’s radius, which grows exponentially as he ages until it reaches the borders of the Golden Kingdom

Falin does age somewhat slower than Laios; she takes over the throne after his death until a suitable successor is found

While her rule does not last long, she is regarded as a very significant ruler, as her rule is when the Golden Kingdom first needs to really use their anti-monster defenses

The practice of making golems to aid in manual labor is legalized in the Golden Kingdom

The Golden Kingdom is one of the first places to start buying monster products, due to Laios’ and Senshi’s proclivities

[pearlprincess02]

halsey and matty healy composite chart houses

1st house: the composite 1st house rules the relationship itself and your outward identity together. It shows how people view your relationship, and how you come across together.

aquarius 1st house: with aquarius being the unconventional sign, having the composite 1st house in aquarius can mean you come across as an interesting, oddball pairing. with aquarius ruling friendships, this can be a great placement for a friendship; in personal and professional relationships, you may seem to have a foundation of friendship. together, you may be more open to change, and may experience more changes together (usually in the areas of life ruled by the house the composite uranus is located). you may need to work on emotional connection and stability.

1st house ruler in 12th house: much like having the 1st house ruler in the 8th house, people who that it in the 12 house also have a difficult start in their life. they could have been born into an environment which was difficult or have faced health issues during early childhood. because of their marred past, these people prefer to be hidden and not stand out in society. they are very attracted to secluded places, hospitals, jails,far-way countries, or ‘unknown’ places such as the oceans. 

2nd house: the composite 2nd house can show what you value in the relationship, how you approach money together, and how secure you are in the relationship together.

pisces 2nd house : with the composite 2nd house in pisces, your finances may not be too important together, or at least not a central focus on the relationship, or you may struggle with actually getting focused on your finances together. your values can also be a lot more fluid together, and the two of you can be so open to others that you’re prone to being swindled, to spending more than planned, or one of you may take advantage of the other. some financial boundaries can be very important for you.

2nd house ruler in 12th house: this means a person will earn money through enlightenment. they could earn money through charitable, educational, philanthropic or spiritual work/service. the person is likely to make money after religious or spiritual pilgrimages or self-reflection, by engaging in spiritual work or conventions, studying or working abroad in far-away places, and living a simple life. if ill-placed, it means the person might become a financial victim by facing money losses, could overspend after getting money and thus, lose it quickly. they could take low paying jobs, and not have any financial motivation. 

3rd house: the composite 3rd house can show how you are together in your immediate environment and what you focus on together day-to-day. this is a house of communication, so it can also reflect how you communicate in the relationship, and what you can think about together.

aries 3rd house: with the composite 3rd house in aries, this can increase communication and expression in the relationship, but you may say things without thinking to one another and this can cause some fights. you can be a very active pair, always with something to do, and want to be active within your community or immediate environment. you may focus together on ways you can take charge and make ideas reality.

3rd house ruler in the 6th house: this indicates a person who is financially well-off and stable. gives a person who is a fighter and doesn’t let their enemies win. they have great stamina and are respected for this quality. since the 6th house is of service, these people could gain income through service. such as careers in hospitality, tourism, law enforcement, public service, healthcare, etc. if ill-placed, then since this placement connects with both the 3rd house of siblings and the 4th house of mother, the individual might have troubled relationships (communication) with both their maternal uncle and siblings. 

pallas in 3rd: you are both likely to have a keen sense of intellect and intuition which helps you both find strategies for success. you know how to align your plans and shared sense of mission, and this can help you both break through limitations and find a new perspective that enables you both to lead others to success. you work together to help your peers and teammates solve problems because of your uncanny intuition and unique sense of vision. you can also help each other blend your passions and vision to help each other navigate through challenges. you both stand out as leaders who help to inspire others to follow higher ideals.

4th house: the composite 4th house can show how we connect emotionally, what we build together from the ground up, and what the base of our connection is (since this is the bottom of the chart).

taurus 4th house: with the composite 4th house in taurus, the physical may be important for emotional security and connection. you may want to spoil each other, buy extravagant gifts, and if you live together, maintain a home that is beautiful and luxurious. it can take time to forge real emotional connection, but it can last a long time once done. the base of your connection may be to create security and stability.

4th house ruler in 12th house: the native may have grown up in a family where spirituality was encouraged and practiced - however, the home may have also acted as a form of restriction. the native may find emotional security in their ability to be on their own, away from others. when it comes to the mother, she may have been someone with a deeper understanding of the world - but she may have also been unavailable or hard to reach. the native may have found a lot of paranormal or spiritual activities in their youth, shape the way that they grew up.

5th house: the composite 5th house can show how we express affection, what we love and take pleasure in together. this house can bring creative energy into our relationships and allow us to express creatively together. the 5th house also rules children, so they can be impacted by the composite 5th house with someone you have children with.

taurus 5th house: with the composite 5th house in taurus, you may enjoy spending time lounging and being lazy together. you may be a pair that likes just doing nothing. you can enjoy being sensual with one another, and can prefer fine wine and rich food and swanky hotels and beautiful locations. you may be more affectionate with one another, and if you have children together, you can be extra affectionate with them, though also at times more rigid.

5th house ruler in 12th house: this overlay may suggest that the native tends to keep their hobbies and self-expression secret or as a means to escape their reality. they may be interested in spirituality and the paranormal. when it comes to children they may find themselves trying to protect the children around them from reality. they might keep their romantic partners secret or use romance as a way to escape their sadness or their reality. gambling may be done in secret or can often lead to huge losses. 

moon in 5th house: with the composite moon in the 5th house, you can express what you’re feeling in a lighter, more playful way, and try not to take one another or the relationship too seriously. this makes it a good position for a friendship, or for a business relationship focused on creative ventures. in a romantic relationship, you can have fun together and make each other feel good, but you may try to avoid any of the serious stuff, so you have to force yourselves to take some things more seriously together. this can be an excellent position for having children since the moon rules family and the 5th house rules children.

ceres in 5th house: you are both likely to nurture each other’s creativity in dramatic ways. through your connection to each other you are both easily able to show affection in lighthearted and flirtatious ways. even in a carefree relationship you both are attentive to each other’s feelings. you are openly affectionate with each other and can put a creative spin on your relationship. you may both understand the unique and individualistic ways that each of you can find comfort. this relationship can bring out your compassionate and caring nature and you may have a playful approach to nurturing and caring for each other.

6th house: in the composite chart, the 6th house can show how you approach daily life and the mundane together, how you work together (whether professionally or personally), and the general health of the relationship

cancer 6th house: with the composite 6th house in cancer, you can focus on comfort and emotional support in your daily lives together. once you emotionally support one another on a daily basis, in little ways and with the little things, that can help improve your relationship. a strong foundation for your relationship to start with can help to get you through any difficulties together, but without that, there can be instability.

6th house ruler in 5th house: the native’s daily routine may be linked with 5th House themes including drama, art and creative expression. they may insert an element of organization and routine into their hobbies as well as teaching their children the importance of structure and routine. the native’s work may revolve around something they generally find enjoyable or may involve working primarily with children. they may find themselves dating someone or having romantic interests with the people they work with and are often the type of person to make menial tasks at work fun for everyone. the people that the native works with are likely to be treated like a child by the native or the relationship may progress into a romantic one. when it comes to pets, the native may be likely to treat their pets like their own children and can be a huge source of their fun and enjoyment. health and fitness may be something that the native takes up as a hobby, using exercise, health and hygiene as a means of self-expression. mental health may be impacted by the native’s romantic relationships. worrying over their health and their mental health can impact the native’s ability to have fun and take part in their hobbies. 

sun in 6th house: with the composite sun in the 6th house, you can be very practical in your approach to the relationship, and if it’s a romantic relationship, you may be lacking in real sparks or romance. one of you may do more than the other, which can create a dynamic where one of you takes and takes, and the other gives and gives, which eventually leads to resentment. you need to avoid an unequal distribution of effort. since this house rules health, it can be a good placement with someone who is helping you with your health, like a doctor, trainer, dietician, etc.

mars in 6th house: with composite mars in the 6th house, you can be driven to focus on daily life and routine together, so in a personal relationship, you can be more practical with one another. this may be a better placement for a business relationship, though you may have one person putting in more work than the other with can cause arguments. if you can both focus on your work together, you can get a lot done.

lilith in 6th house: you can help each other find your authentic routines and practices that help you express your creative inner power. through this relationship you empower each other to break with tradition. your work, routines and daily habits may be highly individualized. through this connection, you can inspire each other to share your rebellious and quirky nature in the ways you help others. your daily plans and regular routines and even your diet and lifestyle may embody autonomy and independence, you both refuse to conform to the status quo. you also resist being limited by highly rigid schedules or routines that require conformity.

chiron in 6th house: this relationship brings healing and enlightenment when it comes to your physical health, routines and lifestyle. you may help each other find opportunities to heal and gain new perspective through your attention to small details. noticing each other’s needs and nurturing each other can help to bring healing you both needed at different times in your pasts. you may be attentive and caring, offering selfless love through acts of service and this helps you both to put past traumas and wounds in perspective. you can also help each other see your strengths and unique talents that stem from your past experiences with wounds or traumas.

pholus in 6th house: you can help each other navigate dramatic crises by paying attention to the basic elements of your daily routines and tasks. in the midst of cataclysmic changes, you both help each other find ways to selflessly be of service to others. you can inspire each other to become more organized or health conscious when you are both faced with the unknown. this relationship can be a source of inspiration when it comes to creating stable routines and analyzing small details. you both understand how incidental changes and choices can have major ramifications. through your connection to each other you can help recreate some sense of routine and normalcy even when it seems like everything around the two of you is changing dramatically.

celeb's masterlist / moodboard

crd:

1h + 1h ruler

2h + 2h ruler

3h + 3h ruler + composite pallas in house

4h + 4h ruler

5h + 5h ruler + composite ceres

6h + 6h ruler + composite lilith in houses + composite chiron in house + composite pholus in houses

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Zayka Moya ~ Sergei Dragunov x Reader

Happy birthday to me~

Summary: A genius prodigy in the medical and hacking field is sent by the Government to work on a project in Russia. Eventually, her superiors from this new country assign a small team to infiltrate another enemy base for a mission. That team is formed by Y/N, the brains, Mikail, a Russian researcher sent to monitor and help, and Sergei Dragunov, their guardian.

Being a prodigy in the fields of medicine was a welcoming experience, as you would be met with laurels and fame everywhere you waltzed the earth, being praised as the most accomplished doctor, and at the tender age of 14. It was thanks to her parents, who were both highly respected medics who brought her into this world in the hospital, and raised her there. In fact, the surgery room and the lab one alike were more her home than her own beautiful and cozy job.

But like any genius, she was bound to experience extreme misfortune. One has to pay for the gift they were presented with the first cry you let out into the world - And that is when Y/N first wept out of sorrow - Her mother passed away from a disease, and her father followed soon after, from heartbreak. What was a child like her supposed to do, with no other family to support her?

Without her loving guardians to protect her, she was shunned by the whole medical community, who in truth, were the human representation of a venomous snake pit, ready to prey on their next meal. A small, innocent child, thrown, all alone, in this confusing, cruel world.

With no idea what else to do in life to survive, Y/N took up hacking as a hobby turned full-time job, and thus, she was able to hack into the Government database, where she found a ton of different experimenting files in progress. Jackpot, she thought, as she downloaded everything into her own computer and started working on the problems the other scientists were experiencing. This was a gamble, life or death - But she had nothing in life to lose, except her existence - Yet what is the meaning of life, without a purpose?

Y/N L/N, age 16, strutted inside the Government and with a fake ID, she was brought to the Military General Surgeon who was conducting these experiments, one more illicit than the other - And she threw the files on his desk, a confident smirk on her face, ever-growing, watching as the man’s eyes widened significantly, being faced with the Eureka of the content she brought.

She was hired as the leader of the underground medical experimentation projects, and here she was taught how to properly link her computer and medical knowledge, into a single, broad spectrum of applied skills. Y/N was now the most important asset of her country.

Years passed, and her thirst for knowledge was like a bottomless well. The more time flew by, the more she learnt, and learnt, and practiced and experimented - Until the time came that she was assigned on a special operation abroad, in Russia, the country that was the strongest ally to your own. She was safely escorted to their base, where she met with the general and introduced to the team and the revolutionary practices of their labs. The technology was something she’s never even imagined before, and forgetting all about her need of food or sleep, she threw her lab coat on and began playing around with the devices.

Her team of three was going on a field mission to infiltrate in an enemy base, steal and delete all their research. Though Y/N has never tried anything as risky as getting her own hide in danger, it mattered little. She was the only one who could do something of this magnitude. Allegedly, there is a program that, once inserted into her Tech-Pad, should form some kind of 3-D puzzle projected into the real world, and with the help of the special pen provided, she could play around and arrange the equations and anything there was, directly onto the live projection. It was akin to the fantastic technology she saw in movies - To think it would exist into the real world also - Fascinating!

“We’re unlucky. I heard our guardian is Dragunov.” Mikail, the other Russian medical expert that was going to accompany her towards the base, spoke to her. Y/N. bored, looked at the man, whose lecherous eyes scanned her up and down. Thank goodness it was a cold country and she was dressed fully - Boots, pants, fur tights underneath, turtleneck, long coat leisurely over her shoulders - All black, save for the elegant gold jewellery that highlighted her grace. “And why are we unlucky?” she asked, her hands in her her jeans pockets, looking around the room aimlessly, hoping the time would pass faster. “Why, she asks - Why?! You don’t know Dragunov?” he groaned dramatically, watching the woman’s disinterest and aloof behaviour... So irritating.��“Guess you wouldn’t know, being new here. Dragunov is known as the White Angel of Death. He’s ruthless, merciless - And he looks super creepy and intimidating. He’s also a mute, so it’s even worse!” “...Is he human?” she asked monotonously. “H-Huh? What’s that question? Of course he is!” the man seemed really annoyed by her, for some odd reason.

The door was then opened, and the sound of heavy boots against the marble resounded painfully loud, making the two scientists turn simultaneously and face the new comer. It was a tall man, towering over both of them. He had jet black shoulder length hair, neatly tied into a small tail, and he was wearing a military uniform. He stood straight and imposed authority, unlike even the general himself.

“Gah, told ya.” Mikail grumbled under his breath. Y/N tilted her head to the side, and comically circled their newly appointed guardian, and once she arrived back to the starting point, she shrugged her shoulders. “So... This is the man that made you cower in fear earlier?” she asked, a small smirk forming on her face. “He is as human as the both of us. He seems strong and reliable. I don’t think there is any need to complain.” she then extended her hand for the man to shake. “My name is Y/N L/N, researched, medic and hacker from Romania. You may call me whatever you like.” she said with a polite yet genuine smile - She knew she was going to enjoy his company far more than Mikail’s. “I was told you are called Dragunov. May I know your first name?” the soldier raised his hand and gave her a firm shake, though before he could give an answer, the other researcher cut him off. “That devil’s name is Sergei. Even his name is scary as the hell he crept up from.” he spat in disgust. Surprising for the special soldier, he watched the beautiful woman that was still holding his hand, turn slightly to glare at her colleague - Her was sounded threatening and mocking. “I don’t recall asking YOU that question. You complain he doesn’t speak, yet you cut him off so rudely. If I were him, I wouldn’t bother speaking in your presence either.” she huffed, shaking her head at him. “Don’t mind him. He’s taking the position of his head and neck on his shoulders for granted.” she tsk’ed, making the man grunt in amusement - The scarred side of his mouth had twisted upward. “шлюха“ Mikail scoffed under his breath. “To think that a man who prides himself with his brains is reduced to the curses and insults of a simpleton, when in lack of logical reasoning. Pitiful.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Anyways. We should get going, it is getting late. Sergei, do you know the details of our mission? I was told you and that guy would know the logistics and what not.”

As Sergei nodded affirmative, he handed Y/N a file for her to skim over, and with a hand gingerly placed on her back, he gently guided her out of the room, with Mikail complaining loudly in the back as he trailed right behind them.

The special general drove this normal looking black car - Perfect for inconspicuous missions such as this one - And Y/N sat on the front chair, fiddling around with that tech-pad of hers. Mikail was in the back, changing the radio channels between different music channels.

Still, for a whole night, they were to camp outside into the forest and move the rest of the way of foot, to avoid any suspicions arising. The car ride was long, but went smoothly, without any troubles. Sergei knew the precise point where they were to camp for the night, and helped by the girl, they put up the tent, whilst the other researcher made something for them to eat.

Not wanting to spend another second in the irritating presence of the mute soldier, Mikail went to bed early, despite it being barely early evening. The two were sitting on a cut log, waiting for the snow they put in the kettle to turn into water and boil, to then make tea and warm up. The silence between the two was serene and peaceful, even comfortable, Y/N realised. She didn’t feel the need to constantly come up with conversation ideas and develop them further. 

The beautiful lullaby from the birds, and the calm sound of the breeze blowing through the leaves made absolute peace in both her mind and heart - And Sergei’s company was making things just as good.

“Hmm...?” Y/N suddenly snapped her head up in surprise. A new sound appeared out of nowhere. A melodious chirping as she’s never heard before. As if possessed, Y/N handed Sergei her tea mug and started walking in the direction of the song. Up in a tree, in a low branch, was a small, fluffy bird, cheerfully chirping away. 

The medic didn’t realise she was smiling, all thanks to this beautiful little creature. Slowly, she knelt to the ground and swept some snow, revealing long, wide grass blades - She stretched one over the length of both of her thumbs, and blew into it. It was one of the little party tricks she had learnt a long time ago, whistle-playing a leaf, or a blade of grass - But the little songbird seemed to appreciate the harmonizing, so it continued singing.

Curiosity ate Sergei away, so he, too, went by her side. “Yellow-browed bunting.” he informed her of the species. “It’s the most beautiful melody I’ve ever heard. Is it native to Russia?” the man hummed affirmative. Soon after, the little bird flew over to them - And perched itself onto the man’s hat. Y/N couldn’t help but hide her mouth as she giggled at the comical sight before her. “S-So cute.” she said, watching those gargoyle-like eyes roll their eyes, yet they held no malice. “Let me save you, General.” slowly, she rose her hand up, and the little bird jumped to sit on her finger. “You are the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.” gazing fondly at the bird, Y/N used her other hand to rummage through her coat pocket, revealing the seed bread she kept for later. With some difficulty, she was able to pick off the seeds and held them onto her palm, for it to peck at its leisure.

The little bird took a few seeds then flew away, back on the branch, where it was joined by two other of its kind. Though the girl looked around, thinking of a way to get the seeds for the winged trio - Only to see a hat in front of her eyes. Turning to look at Sergei, he nodded his head for her to use the hat and put the seeds in them. “Thank you.” she smiled sweetly at him as she quickly put the seeds and some bits of bread in it. “I’ll climb the tree. Can you hand it to me once I’m on the branch?” Sergei nodded, widening her smile. 

Y/N took off her coat and let it fall on the fluffy snow then rushed towards the large tree and jumped, one foot stomped on the bark which allowed her to reach the lowest branch and climbed up. With a sigh of relief, she looked up at the little birds standing above her and chirping. Getting a good grip on her branch, she leaned back to hang upside down and take the hat from Sergei, and got very comfortable, resting back on the tree. The three birds perked on her legs and pecked away at the food.

Sergei analysed Y/N’s actions this whole time, and he was almost intrigued - For someone so laid-back and calm, almost rigid like himself, she had some vicious ruthless sides, when she’d degrade whoever dared mess with her, quite like Mikail, or rather the opposite, when she’d act... Perhaps child-like? By the way she struggled to get up, it was clear she wasn’t naturally an active person, and she did mention so herself - Even so, she was able to get up there, and she seemed to have had fun. Sergei wondered how he would feel, climbing trees again. He hasn’t done that since he was a small child, training for the military - But usually, he’d do pull ups.

He could relate, to some degree, to her personality. He enjoyed her calm aura and how aloof she seemed, much like himself - And though now he found joy in missions succeeded and fighting, he likes to take some time off for himself and enjoy the little things, like reading, solving chess problems. Being in the privacy of his own home, he delights himself by singing classical Russian music - There is nothing more beautiful than his culture, Sergei is very proud of his heritage, yet at the very moment, he finds himself questioning Y/N’s. What did her country’s song sound like? Her language? What were her poems like? Or her novels? Did she have any notable composers? 

“Thank you for the help, Sergei. I hope there are no more crumbs inside.” she looked adorable, handing him back the hat. Her hair was messy, and she even had a leaf tangled in it. The ghost of a smile graced his already handsome features as he took off his glove and extended his hand, not to retrieve his hat, but to fix her hair. He looked down at her, reveling in that small smile of hers, and the faint blush that painted her cheeks. “You’re a very nice person, Sergei. I don’t understand why others fear you so much.” she admitted, seeing the man take her coat and put it back on her shoulders. “You’re far nicer than any man I met before.” “I kill.” Y/N turned casually to face him, though she continued walking. “Your point being?” she snarked him. “I could snap your neck like a dove.” he was now towering menacingly over her smaller form. “Go ahead.” she provoked him.  The two shared an intense eye-contact, only to end up chuckling.

Neither of the two expected the other to ply so well with their personality and enjoy each other’s company, but it was for the best. Were it only Mikail... He might not have returned home alive.

That night, Sergei was to keep watch outside, by the campfire while the two researchers were to sleep - But Mikail was snoring so loudly that Y/N couldn’t sleep, so she opted for staying outside also, and drinking some more tea. Compared to daytime, it was far colder so late into the night. Seeing her shiver, he put his arm around her smaller form, pulling her into his side. “Do you have any hobbies, Sergei?” with a small hum, the man told her about trains - Why he likes them, how many different kinds they are, the way the engine works, the types of weapons they can have built in - And so many otherwise useless trivia. Half of his words, Y/N didn’t even hear, as she leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. His was was velvety and soothing, and after drinking that hot beverage, she felt drowsy enough to even fall asleep outside, in the warm, strong arms of her Russian guardian. “One of these days, I’ll kiss that scar of yours.” she said, before falling asleep to the sound of him humming some kind of lullaby. “Zayka moya.” his lovely little bunny was so bold, yet endearing, Sergei though, holding her carefully in his arms and placing a small kiss on top of her head.

The next day they were easily able to infiltrate the enemy base, with Sergei knocking everyone out or killing them, Mikail standing as a lookout and Y/N hacking inside their database and accomplishing her mission - The longest feat was to have everything loaded into the Tech-Pad, but when it was all done, she deleted everything on the computer, before implanting a virus that would ruin their whole system. Once it was all done, Y/N signaled for the two come along.

They ran away, deep into the forest, back where they were supposed to make camp, and though some went after them, the base was still little and the few guards around had been killed by the Russian. This time, Y/N did not help with anything - Instead, she worked on the project she had to solve on her Tech-Pad. Once she activated it, miraculously, around her a large cube formed, and it was floating in a slow, circular matter. Several different numbers and letters from different alphabets were moving around from corner to corner at specific time intervals. This was, by far, the most confusing thing she’s ever seen - The best kind of challenge.

Taking her pen and putting the Pad on a stump, she walked around the cube, trying hundreds of possible combinations, yet nothing worked. It frustrated the girl to no end, that she started picking up pebbles and stones and throwing them into trees to let out the pent up anger.

“What is it, pretty girl? That smart brain of yours can’t figure this out?” Mikail snarked mockingly at her. “If you can, by all means, go ahead, genius. Otherwise, at this point, I don’t even know why you were tasked on this team, considering you brought... Nothing. You did... Nothing. You are pretty much useless here, yet you dare attempt to piss me off when I’m trying to focus.” Y/N rolled her eyes, turning back to the puzzle with a different outlook on the puzzle. “I don’t know, Princess, it’s not like I’m known as the Prodigy here. Self-proclaimed genius - Whatever?” Sergei turned around to take a look at the two quarreling researchers. Mikail was mean-spirited from the beginning, yet he seemed far more hostile now. Dragunov had to keep his guard up at all times. “If you’re up for a fight, then go away, I’m trying to think.” Y/N comically took some snow and rubbed it on her face, hoping the cold would numb away the raging fire that was giving her a headache.

As Mikail stepped away, Sergei moved over - He listened to the scrambled mumbles of a genius. For the most part, they made no sense. Just random words thrown about, without link between one another. He wanted to give up - But he heard her speaking of the single Cyrillic letter that was flying around the cube. She was misunderstanding its meaning, it was no wonder she was missing a vital part of the puzzle. Once he rectified her mistake, Y/N seemed to have an evident eureka moment, and taking the pen, she drew around the cube, moving around the numbers and letters, until from green, the project turned light blue, and it glowed. “I’M THE SMARTEST GIRL ALIVE, FUCK YEAH!” she screamed into the skies, genuinely shocked that she was able to get this thing done, and in such a short amount of time. “Ha. Piece of cake! This was nothing! Give me the equation of life that Lex Luthor was searching for! I’m beyond even a level 12 intelligence!” though she was praising herself more as a joke, Sergei looked at the 3-D solved puzzle, awestruck. For him, nothing made sense. For her, it was like reading a nursery rhyme. Fascinating.

Before he could congratulate you, however, blackness flashed before his eyes, and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. “Sergei?” he could hear her calling out his name in worry, his body couldn’t respond the way his brain was. His head was throbbing in pain and he was sure he was bleeding. “Mikail, what the hell are you doing?!” she sneered at him, though it was in vain. Once Dragunov was able to blink away the blurriness and attempt to get up, he became the witness of a poor attempt at a fight. As he struggled to get up, he saw that Mikail had betrayed them - He was trying to get his hands on Y/N’s Tech-Pad, but she wasn’t letting go. As he was threatening her with a knife, the soldier tried to run and save her, but the traitor had allies, all with fire arms. Nice challenge, Dragunov thought, staring them down with a large, wicked smirk on his face as he rammed powerfully into them, bringing them all down, before showing them exactly why he was called the White Angel of Death.

Swiftly, he was done with them, and rush back to take care of the girl - In her attempt to defend herself, she ended up trying a fighting move, side-stepping, crouching, slapping away the weapon hand, immobilizing the joint. “Eh~? The little шлюха knows Systema. Didn’t think anyone outside of Russia knew of it.” he was taunting the girl, much smaller and younger than him. “Go kill yourself, you conceited, treacherous jerk! You deserve to get sent to Nazino Island and get eaten alive by criminals! Or - Or get thrown in the Kolyma Gulag and never see the light of the Sun again! Be cursed and tortured for life!” she spat at him, struggling with the little force she had, to keep the weapon away from her until Sergei gets to her - But she was overpowered by the man and with a punch to the gut and another jab to the face, she was thrown to the ground painfully. “The little шлюха thinks she knows Russian history, how adorable.” he mocked the girl, watching her cough scarlet blood on the pure white snow on which she way laying on. Now give me that Tech-Pad. It’s not like you’d benefit from it. It’s for the Russian Gov, and you’re not Russian. You have nothing to win or lose out of it.” Mikail had his hand extended towards the girl panting for air. “пошел на хуй.” with this curse addressed to the traitor, Y/N got kicked in the stomach.

With the silent prowl of a predator, Sergei made his way behind Mikail, and paid him back for the rock that he hit him with previously - And had him meet his strong fists. Over and over and over, until his face was recognisable no more. His body was twitching like that of a headless chicken, but Dragunov soon suspected he was alive no more. He was angry. Such an easy death... A traitor deserved torture to death, at least. He should have held back and bring him back to the base... But his anger got the better of him. His mistake, yet it felt satisfying to make his head turn to mush.

“Y/N. Forgive me, I was unable to save you.” the man knelt by her side, embracing her. The night is falling, the cold is rising and the tent and means of transportation had been destroyed. The nearest hotel was half a day or more, just walking continuously. It was dangerous, in the dead of night, in the forest against wild beasts, and Y/N couldn’t defend herself, in case a whole pack of wolves were to attack. He couldn’t risk it. “It’s not your fault that we got betrayed.” Y/N graciously replied. “... You’re hurt.” her expression soon turned to worry, as she reached her hand to touch the back of his head, only to feel fresh blood sticking to it. “We have to bandage it- “ her medical instinct urged her to reach to her blouse and rip its material, make strips of bandage to care for him - But he gently grabbed her hands, putting them on his face instead. “You’ve done enough. Forgive me for letting you get hurt.” Sergei spoke in a low, yet upset voice as he leant into her touch, kissing the inside of her wrist. “I didn’t think Mikail would betray us. We must spend the night outside. Tomorrow, we stay at a hotel. Then I can return you safely to the base.”  “...It’s going to be a cold night.” she muttered, feeling herself being helped up as Sergei explained to her the plan, and the two went by to lean down at the base of a tree, where their tent used to be. He tried to give her his own coat, but she refused, saying that he needs to be the strong one and defend them, if they needed to. His ice-cold eyes could only stare down at her, and with no more words spoken, he pulled her flush against his chest. He raised her face up and the two shared a deep kiss.  “I’ll keep you warm, Zayka moya.” he muttered against her lips - She was so beautiful, so enticing, Dragunov thought, and now, her eyes seemed star struck with wonder. What an adorable little lady. “... So, my resolution came true. I ended up kissing that very good looking scar of yours.” with a breathless smirk, she pulled him into another kiss. “If this is how you want to keep me warm, I’m game.”

The night passed by with no other attacks, and the way was spent walking, starving, thirsty and cold, to the nearest hotel. It felt like a blessing in disguise when they finally arrived. Before Dragunov could check in, Y/N stepped ahead, with a forged Russian ID, and paid for a hotel room, and eventually, for the meal herself, with a card that can’t be tracked, one use only.

It felt great, finally taking a shower, and now, laying on a comfortable, large bed - Though, there was only one, it didn’t seem to bother the girl, who ultimately stole his own shirt to sleep in, so he remained topless. His little bunny sure was mischievous.

Laying together, he needn’t call her over, for she had already lain her head on top of his chest. She was barely able to mutter a sweet dreams wish, for she was out like a light. Normal people were so fragile, Sergei thought to himself as his hand caressed her back thoughtlessly. So easy to kill. So easy to threaten, or use as bait. She couldn’t even pull off a flawlessly executed Systema move, because of her lack of strength and military experience to back up that unbothered and aloof act of hers.

His thoughts were soon interrupted by a sudden, brusk movement - Y/N was twitching in her sleep, and her breathing got heavier. Sergei called out her name, louder each time, until she woke up with a jolt, gasping and panting for air. “Zayka?” the man asked, only to startle her. The fear in her eyes, how glossy they were, the way she trembled softly - She truly looked like a bunny now. “Nightmare?” “Ah... Sergei.” once she finally grounded herself to differentiate reality from whatever she was dreaming, she was able to slowly rest back on his chest. “Sorry if I woke you up. I, uh... I thought I was tired enough not to get bothered by nightmares. I was wrong.” she muttered weakly, only to feel his hand caressing her hair. “If you wake up, I will still be here. Now rest, Zayka moya. I won’t leave.” with one last look into those beautiful eyes like flowers of the purest eyes glowing in the sun light, Y/N smiled, and leaned down to place the softest kiss, on his forehead.  “And the next day? The day after?” she asked, tracing his perfectly sculpted face and jaw.  “For as long as you want me.” satisfied with the answer, Y/N got herself comfortable in his arms, and returned to sleep.

Though she would eventually awaken once or twice more during the night, she would still be held in those strong arms of his, and Sergei would sing her to sleep, some old, Russian lullaby that he vaguely remembers from his long forgotten days as a child. All was going to be fine. For as long as she remains by his side, he was going to make sure she doesn’t get thrown in this mess again. She was not going to face danger ever again. The Angel of Death was going to make sure no one dares threaten his sweet, little bunny - That nobody will rob her of her smile anymore - For as long as he roams this earth.

He, Sergei Dragunov, the White Angel of Death, the most feared soldier in Russia, and even farther, was very much in love with the witty and adorable little white bunny that Y/N L/N was, and quite possibly, the most intelligent woman in the world - And if that’s not true, for him at least, it is.

[elialys]

Channeling positive energy for 2024

I have been very listless for at least the last couple of years (if not since 2020 and the whole pandemic mess), resulting in a pretty rough depressive episode that peaked this last November. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything concrete to improve your own life when everything around you is just...bleak. And this world does suck so much, so often, in so many ways.

But then I remember how I innately believe that most people are good, and that I am good, too, and that the one thing that always makes me feel better when I'm low is to do something helpful for someone, or to just be kind if I don't have the spoons for more.

(Putting this big ramble under read more)

I think I've mentioned it here before but I've made the decision to try and get into a new field of work, which involves at least two if not three years of studying. Let me tell you, I'm about to turn 36 in a couple of weeks. It's scary as fuck to do something like this. But this job, if I get into the school I need to get into, will be perfect for me. I'll be helping people who need guidance and compassion basically every day.

The bond I got to build with my students was my absolutely favorite part of teaching, but I got overwhelmed by everything else. I burned myself out in less than four years because I became a workaholic who worked 70 hours a week, never took a breath, tried tried tried, yet never felt like I was doing enough. The pressure was incredible, the 'I have to be around hundreds of people every single day', performing in front of entire classrooms full of kids 6h a day'...it just wore me down. Loved my kiddos to death, loved my science team so much, but then the pandemic hit and I lost a few family members within a few months, and I realized it was time for me to go home after 12 years abroad.

The meanest part of my brain likes to tell me I've spent the last four years being basically a useless human blob, but realistically, I know I wasn't. I had been working my ass off since 2011, when I was in America nannying two young kids all day long then going to school full time at night/weekends, before being hired as a teacher in England for 4 years.

I needed the break, I needed time with my loved ones. I needed to help grieving family members, especially my little sister with ASD, who had to learn to navigate life without her mom, who also developed epilepsy on top of everything else while our father pretended nothing was happening. I needed to spend time with my grandmother, who did so much for me when I was young and who's all alone, now. I'll even go as far as saying I've been working on fixing things with my mother this past year living with her, which was not an easy thing. Still isn't, but it's so much better than it used to be, and she's trying, too.

But I'm ready to get my life "back on track", or at least, to get busier , more proactive, more helpful to others who aren't in my inner circle, because I know that's what I'm good at, and why I'm here.

So, yeah, channeling positive thoughts for 2024. I'm not only going to work on getting into that school in the next few weeks, I also just received an email a couple days ago from an editor I used to work with. She's a writing director somewhere else now, and they need writers for a new webcomic project; she told me she immediately thought of me because they'd always been happy with my work, so I'm going to test for that, too, because why the hell not. Actually getting paid for the stuff I was writing a couple of years ago was the most surreal, rewarding experience of my writer life, and I wouldn't mind that happening again.

I want to give the biggest shoutout to my best friend & other butt cheek, @melusine0811, for helping me navigate those last four years, for always believing in me, and for being so fucking courageous when life is just so damn hard. Lauren, you're the bravest person I know, and forever my Donna Noble.

And because I'm sappy this weekend, awards and all, I'm also sending my thanks to my Australian unicorn, just for existing somewhere out there, for being a role model to me from afar these last thirteen years, for being another perfect example of people persevering no matter what, doing the things they love, while always trying to be kind to others in the process. I don't believe in much, but I believe in karma. You do good deeds, good things will happen to you.

Be kind to each other, my lovelies. Always be kind.

[good-beans]

(Milgram self-insert oc masterpost hehe)

Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!

Color: #E7355B [the pink in the art]

Age: I guess she’d be 20 given when Milgram started huh.

Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician

Symbols/imagery: ballet/musical theater, science experiments

Song genre: very similar to Mahiru's, something upbeat and extra pop-y

Tentatively she's number 011? She's not really prisoner but she's also not free to come and go, so I'm not actually sure if she'd get a number (Edit: I've decided she'll actually be 012. Staff is given the 01X range, and even though Es doesn't actively have a number they'd be staff member 011, making her 012.)

Story: Since the project is supposed to be realistic/present day, the mv machine would be brand new and unpredictable tech, so they’d want someone keeping up on maintenance and making sure the brain-invasive process won’t cause any harm to the prisoners. Rose was studying abroad in Japan working on some cool neuroscience tech (irl I know nothing about technology or brains but shh) and she stumbled upon some secret tech/plans from Milgram. Long story short, she was dragged into the experiment to make sure things ran smoothly.

Writer's Reasoning: She’s really fun for me to play around with, as she allows me to work with a character who has a tiny bit of pull over Es’ mindset in conversation but not the final decision (aka mirroring the voting system), and someone who is simultaneously trapped in the prison but has a reason to see all the canon content.* I really enjoy the character interactions and dynamics Milgram has set up so far, so it’s been super fun seeing how things change for better and worse when someone not quite aligned with either Milgram/the prisoners is thrown into the mix!

*As much as I love dramatic irony in fiction, it would drive me crazy if I knew every detail of of the vds/mvs but Rose didn't – and every single Milgram character is The Worst Communicator Ever so I couldn’t justify that she’d hear it secondhand from them...

Story roles:

She’s a bit conflicted -- she’s officially Milgram staff and knows she should remain neutral on the prisoners, since she won’t be allowed to interfere with the process/executions. At the same time, her job description is literally “make sure the machine doesn't hurt them and everyone's safe :)” and she's way too emotional to avoid getting hopelessly attached to everyone 😅

I really enjoy the theory that the machine extracts videos based off of priming, so one of Rose’s duties involves listening in on the interrogation and making sure there’s been enough material discussed/not too much time has passed overall (hence the ringing of the bell happening at different lengths for each vd -- That's her ringing it :3). She then watches the mvs along with Es to make sure there are no machine glitches, and know how to calibrate it better for next time.

(IEdit: I've since decided to add in official trial mvs, but before when I wasn't ready to tackle that:) She has to run some tests on the machine to make sure things are calibrated correctly, so she'd extract little things here and there. It gives me the opportunity to think up lyric snippets and recurring symbols for her without worrying about full encompassing music videos.

I'm not afraid to admit she can fall into Mary Sue territory every so often by being everyone's friend, because it's less about "aw everyone likes her" and more about "canon is too painful rn and I need a fix-it tool to take care of these guys and give them hugs and tell them someone forgives them and cares about them and unfortunately these characters wouldn't let anyone less than a friend do that." Rest assured she's definitely not perfect and will fuck everything up on occasion :3

Miscellaneous: Whenever I play around with normal au ideas she's still working on the machine (but in a public, more ethical setting), and she's Mahiru's roommate :) Her character isn't super focused on love, but if I had to pick a cover song it'd be Stickybug II. It's very much my vibe, the lyrics fit well enough (better than most songs, at least lol) and it's one of my favorites out of my limited knowledge of unchosen Deco songs! (Edit, I've actually given her non-deco cover songs hehe)

So yeah, I hope she's not too boring without a cool crime to decipher, but I wanted to share since I was really proud of her! It took a bit of tinkering to find a way to fit her into a perfect secret-third-thing role that runs very smoothly with all of canon, so I was very excited!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes! I'm 25 & INFJ. I currently feel directionless, lost and stagnant. Due to this I've isolated myself for a long time up until recently when I realized it's making me more anxious. I've been trying not to isolate myself by taking daily walks, practicing mindfulness, interacting a little with people, learning soft skills and learning from your blog.

Many setbacks have occurred in the past few years. I feel after covid I've just had hardship after hardship without break. I've lost my drive and goals. So I started I've started rethinking my goals. I always knew that I wanted to do a career involving history, travel and in service to others so I worked towards that. In my final year of uni my friend suggested going into teaching because I could do history + teach abroad. I thought it was a good idea. I've taught for one year in my own country.

Since I've entered the teaching field I've had a very difficult time and experienced burnout in no time. I don't feel supported or guidance to overcome challenges that I have. I'm lacking strong classroom management in a class of 40 students (public schools). Senior teachers have told me that I should consider switching to kindergarten or that I would be viewed as incompetent and lose my job. I was also told I'm going to struggle in this field because I struggle to socialize with colleagues. I'm very introverted and lack social skills due to being socially isolated during my middle childhood to teenage years. I'm working on this and try to socialize with colleagues.

It feels discouraging to constantly be criticized. I was told twice by two teachers I worked with closely I work diligently and they'd love to work with me again. First teachers usually struggle with classroom management the difference is how slow or fast one gets a grip on it. For some it's months, just a year or many years. I'm not given the time or space to practice my classroom management. During my entire first year I believed myself to be incompetent because of the comments from experienced, high rank teachers. Which caused me stress and unhealthy perfectionism because I internalized those comments due to my low self worth & external validation. I'm working on changing this belief and learning about myself. I know I can do it with experience, guidance and support. I believe that I'm capable of doing any job or career if I have proper guidance or mentoring.

Unfortunately, only teachers with good classroom management are employed. Unless a school is interested in taking on new teachers and mentoring them which isn't frequent. So far I haven't been able to find stability in this career either. I've just gotten accepted for contract posts which are only for a few months. I'm currently taking a break from being a school teacher and I've started volunteering work by tutoring children. I'm at crossroads with what to choose. Especially because I'm doubting whether I'm suitable to be a teacher considering my classroom management which is very important. I'm considering exploring other jobs than teaching or continuing in that field but as a tutor, online teaching or private schools (20 in a class and my classroom management is good with 20). My question is how do I know if I'm on the right path? How do I find healthy direction? Thank you for your time.

---------------------

1) Trying to learn on the job can be very challenging because of the greater sense of responsibility and the pressure it generates to succeed quickly.

To my ears, the amount of help you need actually sounds a bit unreasonable. There is one point about your situation that is unclear. Did you get a teaching degree that included a proper internship or practicum? (If you entered into a position without the right qualifications or training, then you shouldn't be surprised about struggling.) It's not the job of the employer or your colleagues to educate you once you've already graduated from school, though they may choose to be supportive as part of their mission or as resources allow. Technically speaking, the training should've already happened in your practicum, so it is assumed you already have enough classroom experience to get a grip on things quickly on your own.

If you haven't had enough practical classroom training, it might benefit you to spend time working as a teaching assistant in order to learn from experienced teachers in a more appropriate way, rather than expecting your colleagues to add teaching you to their already full plates of teaching 40 students.

Factors such as student demographics and school funding also influence the workplace environment for teachers, so it might be a good idea to try out many different schools to ensure that the problem doesn't lie solely with you. It could be that the workplace culture in specific schools isn't a good fit for you. It's not something to cast blame about but to accept; simply move on and look for a better fit.

There are many different forms of teaching, so just because you can't manage a class of 40+ doesn't mean you have to give up teaching entirely. Yes, private schools and sometimes schools in more rural areas generally have smaller classes. Also, there are companies that provide after school tutoring programs, so you could actually work as a tutor if one-on-one teaching appeals to you. Private tutoring can be lucrative if you produce good results and the right parents spread the word about your services.

2) The idea of "the right path" is somewhat misleading because it doesn't exist in any absolute sense. And believing there is only one right path for you isn't the healthiest mindset because it makes you less open to possibility and then less adaptable to change. That said, there are some very general indicators you can use to determine whether life is going well, for example:

- Emotional Well-Being: Do you generally feel good? When life is going well, your mood should be relatively stable, your attitude positive, and your outlook optimistic. Remember, pain is a warning that something is wrong. Similar to problems with physical health, if there are any aspects of your life that produce pain and suffering for you, it's better to address them sooner rather than later.

- Healthy Self-Esteem: Are you proud of who you are? Healthy pride comes from things like: taking responsibility for yourself and what you put out; making wise judgments and decisions; speaking constructively; working productively; nurturing and appreciating individuality; building good moral character. It's important to pay attention to feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, or self-loathing because they shine a light on opportunities for personal growth.

- Being of Value: Do you feel that you matter? To "matter" basically means your existence is better than your nonexistence. To feel as though you matter in the world, you need to offer something of value and also have your offerings valued by others. If you feel as though you have little or nothing of value to offer, then you might have an underlying issue of low self-worth to address. If you feel as though others don't value you, then you need to examine what is causing the problematic disconnect in your interpersonal life.

- Sense of Purpose: Do you have good reasons to get up every morning? People with a strong sense of purpose generally: strive to use their time and energy in meaningful ways; undertake work that produces tangible benefits; look for opportunities to make a positive contribution; make a commitment to higher goals and ideals. Feeling unmotivated, stuck, lost or adrift often points to lack of purpose in life. Purpose doesn't magically appear. You have to make purposeful choices in accordance with the value you see in yourself and want to express out into the world.

It's not my place to tell people how to make life decisions. You have to reflect on whether this is the career you want and then explore your options and find the position of best fit. This difficulty you are facing in your career could mean any number of things. It could be the challenge you need to learn the skills that you've neglected up until now. It could be a wake up call for realizing that a change of direction is necessary. To be a healthy INFJ means being able to use Ni to connect with the whole truth of the matter. Who else can tell you what is right for you? You have to reflect on it with as much self-honesty as you can muster.

[writersdare]

Paris Broke My Heart (p.1) | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Calum knew he'd lose Y/N each time she'd start a new relationship, but that time it was different. She was leaving the country, maybe forever.

Warning: 18+ (non-detailed smut), angst, cursing and mentioning of alcohol

Word Count: 2 464

Requested: yes

Author’s Note: That was a long journey for me to finally finish this one! There were lots of changes and edits, but I think I'm finally happy with this piece. The part 2 is very much possible, let me know if you're interested in it! ♡ Update: the 2nd part is here.

Two weeks sounded almost like condemnation. Y/N didn’t even think for a slight second, it’d be easy, though. She knew the delaying wouldn’t change a thing. However, the girl was sure it was a right decision to tell the other guys first, and only then — Calum. She needed to hear and see a sincere happiness for her, before she’d play pretend with Cal. Y/N knew he wouldn’t be glad to hear the news, and honestly, the girl herself still didn’t know how she felt about it herself. 

Five months ago, Y/N told her friend she applied for a job relocation to Paris. It was a great opportunity for her career and perhaps, for her mind, too. She hated to behave like she didn’t feel anything towards Calum except friendship, and the girl was scared she’d forget how to play that role eventually. 

Cal was a better actor. He faked a smile and congratulated her with the brave decision. Then had never asked about the application ever again. If other guys wondered at least once in few weeks if she got any news, Calum preferred to delete the information from his brain and selfishly hoped Y/N’s application would be refused.

She got approval, though. Cal just didn’t know it yet.

“So,” Y/N started in a ringing voice, putting a cup of tea next to Calum. The evening walk didn’t really go as planned, as the rain had started, and they had to come back to the girl’s apartment. “I actually have some exciting news,” she smiled and sat down next to Cal with her cup. “Do you remember I told you I sent the application to Paris?”

“Sure,” the musician nodded, remembering it rather vividly. Calum truly couldn’t understand why Y/N was seeking for a way to get new working experience abroad if she had everything there, in LA. If she had him, and he had her. More or less. 

“I’ve got approval, leaving in two weeks.”

Of course, it still was exciting for her; it was new and challenging. Maybe the girl sent the application on emotion, feeling like she needed to get out from the place where Calum was. However, when Y/N got the answer, she was happy to know she made it.

“Oh. That’s great, congrats,” Cal forced a smile, but it looked more like a wince. The girl pretended she didn’t see that. “In two weeks… that’s pretty soon,” he mumbled and looked at a wooden kitchen table, trying to find the right words. Calum needed to be happy for his friend, but he wasn’t. All he could do was to be selfish about it. The guy didn’t want Y/N to leave, he couldn’t imagine her moving away from him. Cal wasn’t going on a tour that year, the band was working on a new album, and to picture late studio nights without her… It felt almost alien.

“It is…” she nodded, and touched a cup with her both hands, hoping that it’d somehow help with the nerves. “I’ll be gone for a year, Cal. And then I might stay there or come back. Depends how it will go,” the girl added quietly and looked up at the friend.

Calum only nodded in response and made a sip, getting tired of faking the joy. 

“Have fun,” he said. 

Y/N swallowed and pursed lips. The girl knew he’d have such reaction. She just hoped he’d at least try to pretend, so it wouldn’t hurt that much. 

“I thought we could meet all together on the weekends and hang out,” she almost whispered. “Like… to make a little celebration, you know?”

Calum raised his eyes and shrugged, even though wanted to ask what there was to celebrate.

“Yeah, okay. You’ll tell them on the weekends then?” he asked, and Y/N mumbled “mm-hmm.”

She wondered how it would have been like if a whirlwind of friendship hadn’t taken them over that quick. Maybe it would have been different. The more they hid the feelings from each other, the harder it was to open up. Sometimes Y/N was thinking she’d never find anyone like Calum. That she’d never feel such strong love towards anyone but him. And it would terrify her.

Cal didn’t even question it; he knew he wouldn’t. He didn’t even try. Since Y/N entered his life, the guy wasn’t dating much, only when she was seeing someone herself. Then he’d immediately jump in bed with a stranger, so the next day, when Y/N would talk about a new date, he’d have something to talk about, too. And they’d hurt each other almost simultaneously, with smiles on their faces. 

After finding out the girl was relocating, Calum decided to choose a new path that no one, perhaps, expected – denying. Each time Y/N would mention Paris, he’d just change the topic immediately. He pretended like he didn’t care, didn’t hear. Cal developed some kind of a blocking system in his head, which filtered two hostile words: “Paris” and “moving”. He couldn’t sleep for the last few days, trying to figure out what he could do. The idea of Y/N being not there terrified him. The musician knew he would lose her every time she got into a romantic relationship, but it was temporary, they’d always come back to each other. And that time it was different, the girl was actually leaving, maybe forever.

They met at a friend’s party the other day, and Calum’s head was simply occupied with many thoughts. Was it too late to tell Y/N how he actually felt? Was it egoistic, stupid, unnecessary? It probably was.

“Hey. Are you ready for the celebration this weekend?” Luke gave Y/N a warm hug, having no clue the girl lied to Cal about them already knowing the news.

At first, Calum didn’t even believe his own ears. He thought as he was so obsessed with a thought of stopping her, he was hearing the bitter truth from everywhere.

“What celebration?” the guy asked and saw confused, almost awkward faces of his friends. He then turned a head towards Y/N, feeling a rushed anger inside of him.

“So, you told them before telling me? Fucking great,” he spilled out.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Luke mumbled, although it wasn’t exactly his fault.

Y/N wanted to throw a quick “it’s okay”, but she didn’t have time as Cal stormed out of the house.

“Calum!” she run outside, seeing him with a cigarette pack. 

“Can I have a bit of privacy?!” the guy groaned, not even looking at her.

“Don’t do this, Calum,” Y/N almost begged. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s less than two weeks, let’s not waste it arguing, please.”

“Oh, you mean you will treat me like shit, and I’m supposed to not react to it just because you are leaving in two weeks?” he smirked sarcastically and lit up a cigarette.

Y/N felt a lump in her throat immediately, as well as a strong desire to burst into tears.

“I never treated you like shit, Cal. You can’t tell me that, it’s not fair.”

“No, you know what’s not fair?” the musician pushed the smoke out through his mouth and looked at Y/N. She could see fire in his brown eyes. “It’s not fair to tell me the news last. Like I’m some piece of shit to you, Y/N. How long have they known?”

The girl sobbed and raised eyes to the sky to hold back the coming tears. Calum turned his head away and came back to smoking, as if didn’t care he was hurting her. Because she was hurting him, too. Again, simultaneously.

“I only told them first, because it’s… harder with you. I mean–”

“Don’t explain,” he shook his head, chuckling. “You are making it only worse.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you, okay?” she cried. “You can’t blame me for that. I knew how you’d react, and I saw how you reacted. I needed to hear some genuine support first.”

“Oh, so it’s my problem now?!” Cal outraged and chuckled again, being absolutely furious.

“It’s no one’s fault! Let’s just not argue, it’s out last few weeks together, do you really want to spend them like this?” Y/N repeated. 

He thought for a minute and drew the smoke into his mouth.

“Yeah, maybe I do.”

The girl’s heart just stopped at that moment. She knew he meant it, because Calum always analyzed before saying anything. The words had a great meaning to him. He’d rather end up everything like that, indeed. Maybe in that case it wouldn’t be so painful to say a goodbye.

“Well, I don’t,“ she whispered and leaned on a wall, simply staying with Calum, while he was finishing the cigarette.

In the saddest days, Y/N was worried she was looking at Calum’s brown eyes for too long. It was getting very obvious she was drowning in the ice-cold coffee which he liked so much. And the girl almost enjoyed that feeling. Drowning in him, falling for him, without a safety net. But the falling began to seem endless, and it was harder to believe in something special between them. They were just friends, always had been. They had dated other people and never each other.

It probably wasn’t really a surprise they both got drunk an hour after they came to a club to “celebrate” her job relocation. Finishing the sixth shot Y/N was sure the ice had melted between her and Calum, and they were good friends again, like before.

“I’ll miss you, Y/N,” he even said at some moment, holding hands on her waist while they were moving on the dance floor.

“I’ll miss you, too, Cal,” the girl said and handed a cocktail to the friend. It was getting hot, so the girl took off her blue sweater, remaining in a white low-cut T-shirt. “Every day,” she tied the sleeves of the sweater at her waist and took the drink back.

Calum smiled shortly, trying not to stare at the low-cut which emphasized her chest in such a good way; but the mouth became dry, so he made a sip from her drink even before Y/N. Whoever said that multitasking wasn’t always a good thing, was probably right. Still dancing, Cal hit the girl’s foot with his, and the cocktail spilled on YN’s chest.

“Shit!”

“Calum!” the girl shivered and looked down, estimating the damage. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, feeling dizzy. The musician barely could hear his own thoughts because of the loud music in the club and all alcohol he had in his blood. “C’mon, I’ll help you to clean up,” Cal took her by the hand and led into the restroom. Locking the door, the guy hurried up to wet few napkins and rashly wipe Y/N’s chest. By that time the guy was still just nervous for ruining her shirt and was not thinking how intimate the situation was. However, Y/N wasn’t already breathing. Calum doubtfully would allow himself something like that if he wasn’t drunk, but the head simply turned off, stopped working. 

The girl opened her mouth unintentionally and leaned her back against the wall, when all she could feel was Cal’s lips on her skin. She breathed loudly through the nose and looked down, seeing her friend leaving wet kisses around the neckline of her T-shirt. There was no second thought – although it should had been – as Y/N rested hands on his wide shoulders, and Calum’s lips finally reached hers. The kiss was passionate, almost animal-like. He was pushing her against the wall and squeezing her waist tight, as if saying that she was not going to leave. Not at that moment, not any other time. He couldn’t let her go.

“Calum,” her breath was unsteady, as she unbuttoned his shirt and whined in his lips, when he touched her wet spot with fingers. Y/N was drowning in all feelings she was experiencing, as if a bare wire – each touch of his would send a shiver around the whole body. Cal was gentle, but there was not even a drop of uncertainty in his actions. The girl fully relaxed in his arms and only tried to hold loud moans, biting the lips almost until they bleed.

They both knew they didn’t do it every Friday night with some strangers, it was just for them and no one else. And even though the minds were foggy, they knew they wouldn’t be able to hold back the desire. The desire to be close, to gift the kisses and breathe in unison. 

Calum was letting himself to do something he’d never allow before. He was kissing her lips, her neck, pushing inside of her deeper, simply wishing to feel, to know she was his, she was going to stay. The words were forgotten, all they could do were moan quietly, hoping no one would find out. They came almost simultaneously, sending an electric flow from one to another. Cal, still breathing heavily, threw a condom in a bin and glanced at Y/N. She silently put the clothes back on and looked up at the friend. The words stuck in a throat, and no one from them knew what to say. 

He left the room first, and Y/N followed after him. She was shivering inside; she wasn’t drunk anymore. And the worse part – she wasn’t even regretting it.

They didn’t remind each other about that night. It didn’t mean they forgot, on the contrary. If Calum didn’t sleep well last week, after what happened in the club, he barely could sleep at all. He couldn’t say if they made a mistake, at least he hoped she didn’t think that way. They didn’t talk about it, though. As the days passed, they preferred to pretend like it never happened. Cal was good at it and, apparently, Y/N learnt that from him.  Even when they were already in the airport, saying bitter goodbyes.

Y/N, just like everyone else, was faking a smile, while hugging everyone very tight, as if trying to remember the feeling. There was no time left, and Calum was standing in front of her, having no desire to let her go.

“Bye, Calum,” she said, as the guys let them have a moment alone. “I’ll text you in Paris.”

Cal nodded, feeling like if he’d say something, his voice would simply crack. Y/N hesitated and stood on her toes to leave a short kiss on his cheek. Calum took the girl’s wrist and everything he could whisper was:

“Please, don’t go.”

The tears flashed on Y/N’s eyes. She looked at the guy and gently broke the touch. The moment, and Cal was following her with a gaze to the green zone of the airport. And just like that, there was no Y/N in his life anymore.

♡ Part 2♡

taglist: @dgrangaa

Moodboard ♡

– gif and photo aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner – saw the gif here @captainrikerr5, photo is by Chri Karidis –

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

Masterlist | Prompt List

[ryansjane]

Hi Axelle! Big fan of your channel btw, I watch your video about IPYTM just to get mad sometimes(my resentment towards that show is astronomical).

I've always wanted to move abroad, Seoul being the goal but I want to keep my options open. I know you have several videos about living in Thailand but I'd really love to hear more about your experience. Quality of life, language barrier, weather, expenses, xenophobia, visas, housing, pests, healthcarejob opportunities basically anything! Thank you so so much🙏🏻

Hope you have a fabulous New Year 🎊♥️

hi, thank you so much it means a lot! 🥰 glad to know someone hates ipytm as much as I do lmaooo! ok so let me do it point by point!

quality of life: much higher than living in france. rent is like 4x cheaper for way newer buildings with great amenities such as a pool & a gym, I can order food every day without breaking the bank, and bkk is such a lively city there's always so many cool things to do there for not crazy expensive! I would NEVER be able to afford my lifestyle here in bkk if I was back in paris, and the hot weather also makes it so I don't suffer from seasonal depression which is HUGE!

language barrier: I'm the only foreigner I know who speaks thai, and my foreigner friends have no trouble getting around relying on english. bangkok is one of the most expat-friendly cities ever imo!

weather: the weather is extremely hot in thailand, very humid & also it rains a lot and rainy season is no joke. however I prefer this weather over the french weather bc the sunlight we get everyday no matter the season is 12 hours a day, which is huge when in paris we can go from 14 hours of sunlight in summer, to only 6 in winter. again, really helped with my seasonal depression. also, I can go to my building's pool year round lol! the heat is not for everyone, but personally I feel like I'm on vacation year round & it has done wonders for my mental health!

expenses: as I said, bangkok is much cheaper than paris. however, with thailand's economic boom in recent decades, it's not dirt cheap either like the idea many people had like 10 or 20 years ago. the biggest thing where I really save the most money is rent, but transport is actually more expensive than paris, and imported things are unbelievably expensive. still, I live a very comfortable lifestyle with 800 euros a month, whereas to live the same exact lifestyle in france I'd need like 2000 euros.

xenophobia: there is barely any xenophobia in thailand. in fact, I'd argue that there is a romanticization of foreigners here, especially white ones. however, there are a lot of barriers to being a foreigner in thailand. getting the citizenship seems relatively hard, getting a job as a foreigner is unbelievably hard since the business visa needs to be renewed every 2 months which annoys employers, if you start your business in thailand, you can only own 49% of your own business while a thai person owns the majority, etc. most of the difficulties are legal & related to immigration, but thai people don't discriminate against foreigners. however, they will always tend to see you as a tourist & will try to scam you way more than a thai person, no matter how long you live in thailand... as expressed in videos, as a foreigner, you'll never be seen as a thai citizen, even if you spend your entire life in thailand, and that sucks...

visas: they're hell. as said before, business visas are like the shortest in the world, you can't have that many tourist visas, and the only visas that are easy to obtain are study visas (bc you pay a lot), or retirement visas that last 10 YEARS (bc they pay a lot.) however, thailand seems to slowly be relaxing its visa system, so there's hope.

housing: very easy to find something cheap, I found my 2 apartments in under 2 weeks each time, whereas it'd take me months in paris for a shittier place.

pests: first apartment had lizards, new one has insects...

healthcare: no healthcare as a tourist unless you got an insurance. now that I'm a student at the most prestigious thai uni, I have a lot of free services with the related hospital & health center. I also bought my own insurance so I'm pretty much safe. still is shocking coming from a country with completely free healthcare lol.

job opportunities: finding jobs as a foreigner is AWFUL & idk how I'm gonna find one once I graduate lol, I hope my professors can help me 😅

hope that helped, & I hope you get to do everything you're setting out to do 💜 happy new year ✨️

xxx

[makingspiritualityreal]

Firstly, I love your posts soo much!!

Maybe it is the effect of pluto and sun transiting the Aquarius!! that I have an idea..just hear me out.

I wish there were some free open astrology forums that helped people by telling them one positive life event that individual can look forward to based on their charts.

In fact, it would be so nice if the predictive astrology could start offering predictions about more positive events to look forward to such that it becomes slightly easy to bear with what's happening at the present.

Just saying...

💛

Are Predictions Important in Astrology?

I appreciate your message, and it is an excellent time to talk about my perspective on the subject.

I am not a fan of predictive Astrology. I say this as a person who completely understands how it is to feel such despair that you feel like you can't go on another second without having the assurance that your life will get better soon. That's also why people turn to more abstract means of divination, such as tarot.

However, these tools should be used to understand the flow of your life and what your current growth path is about. They're not a take out menu that you pick from. Insistence on predictions has caused many astrologers to be treated very instrumentally. Some people think a psychic is someone who's supposed to just deliver the version of the future that the client is going to like to hear. "you will get married in a year and it will be a June wedding" yeah right lol.

I know many good astrologers. I have yet to see even the best ones I know make a single accurate prediction. When events such as death, loss or illnesses in my family were happening, it was always a surprise. We're not supposed to know such things. Fun fact, my psychic abilities were tingling, up to a year ahead even, but I always ignored them in key moments.

I will explain it to you through an example. My mother died prematurely when I was barely out of high school. She was a single mother, and her death put me on the outs with the rest of my family, that showed their true colours in a difficult situation. It was a shock to everyone because she was very physically healthy and fit, and way too young to die and yet it happened.

A year before her death, she left me alone for the summer in the condo where I grew up with her. I was working in my hometown at that time, in between college semesters, and she found an extra paid summer job with some of our family members that live abroad. It was the first time in my life, that I was without her for that long, and to be frank, I loved the independence, like any very young person does when you let them "off the leash". I remember very clearly the day she left. We used to have family pictures taped to a glass door on a living room cabinet. My grandfather was an avid photographer and we always had plenty of photos with him around. One of the pictures was a close up of my eyes. Because the glass cabinet was positioned close to the living room window, the sun was always streaming in on it. That can cause discoloration in printed photos. On that day, the picture of my eyes had the sun leave long marks on it in such a way, that they looked like tears.

I believe this to be the strongest psychic experience I've ever had, even though I still had years of spiritual learning ahead of me at that point. Because upon seeing that picture, I knew my mom was going to die, and that it was going to cause grief in my life, even though it took over a year for that prediction to come true. I never told anyone about it, and never took that feeling seriously.

Why? Because it was so unbelievable. Because logic was against it. Because I had my own personal feelings and egoic consciousness, that had completely different feelings and desires about my life circumstances. And because it wasn't yet the time of my life when I was mature enough to treat my spiritual journey seriously.

And that is how it was meant to be at the time. Looking back on it now, I remember the feeling of prediction more as a moment of awareness. It was like seeing an inevitable chain of events unfold. Something in my consciousness was smart enough to be able to see so far ahead. Spiritually, I believe it was a warning from my spirit guides, and in a way a friendly one. "Get used to being alone and handling life alone for more than one summer vacation because it's soon gonna become your reality". But I couldn't take it seriously, because my mom and I were fighting a lot at that time, so missing her was not what I had in mind at all. I craved independence, and that feeling was my reality, which I took more seriously than some abstract premonition. In a way, knowing didn't really help me at all in the moment.

And that situation shows perfectly what the problem is with predictions. Human beings are limited by their egos and their flaws and their lack of perspective. That makes them reject whatever doesn't currently fit into their narrative. People don't want a real prediction. They want to hear they're going to get the cookie they're craving. Then they want it over and over and over again.

I understand my journey now, so many years after all these events. But it took so much growing up, that no prediction would ever fix.

There is always something to look forward to in life. Don't try to control it, and let it come to you. When the Universe wants to put you through a certain experience, it will, and there is nothing you can do about it.

[tieflingkisser]

You Should Show Grave of the Fireflies to Your Kids

Viral posts online suggest Grave of the Fireflies should never be shown to kids. Here's why they are wrong.

It is okay for children to experience sad and even scary stories. In fact, doing so in safe environments is extremely healthy! Feeling sad allows us to learn empathy so we know how ourselves and others should be treated. The need to healthily experience sadness is literally the entire point of the movie Inside Out — a movie made with child audiences in mind — which will probably get its importance across better than any short paragraph I could write here. Sadness is an inevitable part of life, why would we want to leave children ill prepared to deal with it? If the continued relevance of fairy tales and Goosebumps Books didn't make it clear, stories that safely scare kids as part of consensual fear experiences are healthy for their development too. As psychologist Emma Kenny explained, "when you are reading a scary story to a child, or they're reading to themselves, the child has got a level of control — they can put it down, or ask you to stop. And the story can raise a discussion, in which they can explore and explain the way they feel about a situation." This is why scary and sad movies like Grave of the Fireflies can be an important tool in developing emotional literacy in children. According to psychologist Claud Steiner emotional literacy is "made up of the ability to understand your emotions, the ability to listen to others and empathize with their emotions, and the ability to express emotions productively." Studies have shown that both children and adults with good emotional literacy have better outcomes in life. Children with strong emotional literacy are able to pay attention better, are more engaged when being educated, have more positive relationships, and have better empathy all while being better at healthily regulating their emotions. For adults, this has resulted in having lower job-related stress, better job satisfaction in general, and a similar increase to their positive relationships like children have. Even without intense scientific backing, it seems clear that the ability to understand and safely process one’s emotions is an important skill worth developing purely because it would allow people to healthily interact with other and society as a whole. If scientific backing isn’t convincing enough, we know that young children can healthily interact with these stories because they do every day in Japan. Barefoot Gen, a manga loosely based on Keiji Nakazawa’s experiences after surviving the bombing of Hiroshima, is available for children to read in elementary and junior-high school. In fact, when schools in Matsue attempted to restrict access to the book in 2012 due to claims that what it depicted was too graphic for children, that ban was rescinded less than a year later. As the widow of Nakazawa said, "War is brutal. It expresses that in pictures, and I want people to keep reading it."

[...]

We should realize what a blessing having the privilege to witness these horrors animated on a screen from the safety of our home is while others have experienced them abroad and are still experiencing them abroad. While we live on lands stolen from people our ancestors committed horrifying atrocities against who still suffer today from those actions. To not show this movie to children models the behavior that we should refuse to acknowledge cruel acts happening in our world so long as it preserves our personal comfort to those kids. If we show kids movies like Grave of the Fireflies in a safe environment where they can process it, they can grow up into the kind of people who understand the horrors of war and will do all they can to prevent it. They can understand as adults that by starting new wars they will irreversibly scar an entire generation of people who come after them.

[seoafin]

hi morgan <33 kind of random but i just wanted to say that your travel plans always sound amazing!! also moving to the uk sounds so daunting but so fun. i’ve always wanted to try living overseas but ig i’ve never seriously thought about it?

i’m thinking of taking time off to travel when i graduate but i’m still not so sure 😓 i’ve always been pretty self reliant and ik i shouldn’t but i get a little sad and scared thinking abt solo travel 😭😭

anyway sorry this was a bit unprovoked, but i’d love to hear how everything goes!! wishing you all the best!!!

hi love! honestly i've always wanted to move abroad but i guess the logistics of it put me off until my friend literally up'd and moved to london in the most spontaneous decision of her life without even a job lined up lol so i guess it made me realize that it COULD be done!!! i think living in a big city has made me somewhat complacent, i'd honestly love to move to edinburgh or dublin for a little bit

look im always in support of traveling especially solo traveling!!!! i know it can seem daunting and scary but i promise it's really really nice being able to travel at your own pace without the expectations of others i love my friends but i do love my solo travel trips <333 especially if it's a solo travel friendly country!! which there are tons of: budapest, istanbul, spain, hiking in the dolomites, etc like you will meet nice ppl at hostels and they will more likely than not be happy to hang out with you! promise! anyway no pressure but im always here if you want to talk it out! solo traveling made me mature in so many ways 12/10 experience

[notholaenas]

hii !! first i wanted to say ur art is so beautiful, but second in ur pinned post u said u were a nature conservation engineer ? im really interested in wildlife biology would love to study it in college or something similar like conservation. i was just wondering what its like for u, or how u got to do something like that ^^ hopefully i worded this correctly lol

hey !! first of all, thank u so much ☺️

second of all: i got my degree in Hungary, and this country is kinda its own freaking planet lmao in terms of not doing things like our European neighbors. which means we got to study courses like this one, which sounded really nice and exciting on paper, but in reality it was 1- extremely Hungary-centric, which means we didn't get that worldwide, holistic outlook and knowledge students get when studying at uni and 2- it was pretty much just great ideas and poor execution. I know very few people who got to work in this field (myself excluded) because nature conservation isn't something the government keeps in high regards these days. ANYWAYS i'm rambling ..

what I recommend, no matter where you're from, is to look up different countries' different uni programs with key words like 'conservation' or any other related areas of study, cause there's a high chance that you might finish a BA seemingly unrelated to nature conservancy and still can go for something similar for your master's.

my second advice is to try to find internships, either paid or unpaid or just volunteer work. local fish and wildlife agencies, national park services and even some universities offer these kinds of opportunities, sometimes even without a degree so you can familiarize yourself with this aspect of the job and get experience both outside on the field and in doing administrative work.

(as for me, i got my degree and started a completely different course for a new job, but i feel like doing my master's abroad would set me on the right tracks. maybe one day i'll have the opportunity to get back to it, but right now i'm pretty much over and done with it.)

good luck to you and lemme know if you have any more questions! ☺️

[writerfromcz]

New life part 2- first task

(Heaven's Secret x MC brother reader)

words: 803

the next day there was a lesson with Fencio. I sat in the last desk in the classroom and kept quiet.

Fencio:“ The Angels and demons Academy keeps the balance on earth and maintains the peace between heaven and hell. Good canot exist without evil and vice-versa. But there is a line that never be crossed. An angel can never be with demon, and demon can never be with an angel“. Since you are unclaimed and have not yet decided whitch side you’re on, you are forbidden to get close to either of them. This is the most important rule that you must never break, and belive me, you don’t want to experience the punishment for disobeying it“ it was tougher than I expected, but that wasn't all

„unlike you, angels and demons were born here. This is their home.Your home was down there, your relatives, your friends, yours jobs, your cats, dogs and whatever else. Forget about it all!!!“  

He said the last sentence in such an evil tone, as if his life depended on it.

„you’re dead!“ he almost screamed „Your home is here now. Your are forbidden from making any contact with your former life.“  Then he talked for a while about how it's forbidden to change the form, how when we go to the ground our form changes to other people who have been dead for a long time and the only thing that doesn't change are the eyes. Today's task was to get the person to make a decision between 2 evils. “ I'll tell you what your assignment will be.“ He began to say the tasks one by one, I was one of the last."

"Y/N, your assignment will be to get a girl named Veronica. She has to pass a test at the university, it's important for her future or go say goodbye to her boyfriend who is going abroad, if she fail to see him off, their relationship will end"

Fencio:“  for a reminder, you have 2 hours to complete the task, after touching the ground others will see you as a different person, so I don't recommend opening the wings, after two hours the vortex will suck you in regardless of the situation. If you finish everything before then just think of the vortex and it will bring you here"

Fencio:“ and now, to the vortex“ Everyone was crowding next to a vortex and one by one the unclaimed took a long jump and dove into it. I took a step back, nervous that my turn was coming up next. Then someone put their hand on my shoulder, I turned around and it was Andy, he took his hand off my shoulder and smiled.

Andy:“ the thing here is just not to be afraid of it. You weren’t afraid of junping into the abyss, this is a piece of cake compared to that, it's quite fun“ He turned to me and leaned back into the vortex.

" well Y/N you're a man so act like it" I thought and jumped in.

I landed near the university, looked around and saw a girl crying not far from me.

Y/N:" excuse me, you're Veronica, right?" She looked up and looked at me.

V:" yes, what do you need?"

Y/N:" I heard you had a dilemma and I'm here to help you.

V:" you don't know anything, leave me alone" he said angrily

Y/N:" I guess we got off to a bad start, I'm John" I said calmly

V:" I'm Veronica" she said in a calmer voice and we shook hands.

We talked for a while as I told her about the importance of listening to the heart and she started telling me her own problems

V:" It's like my boyfriend, I like him, but I feel he's not the one"

Y/N:" so listen to your heart, if he really loves you he will come back to you and you will also have a degree and you will have more options than you have now. If he loves you he won't break up with you, otherwise don't waste your time with him.

Veronica thought for a while and then smiled " you're right, school is more important I have to run to the exam" she said, gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran away.

I felt good about myself "good luck Veronica"

thought of the vortex, and in a moment I was drawn in.

The ride was as fun as a water slide. I was so fascinated by the dough that I accidentally bumped into a guy in a black shirt, with black hair and a tattoo on his neck.

"Hey, watch out!" he said, his eyes turning red.

Y/N:" sorry, take it easy dude"

???:“ I'm Lucifer, you worm." 

great, trouble on the horizon

[tallulahkia]

Name: Tallulah Kia Occupation: Part-time librarian at Growden Public Library & part-time marketeer at Portside Flea Market Age: 28 Sexuality: Lesbian Species: Human Hometown: Cape Town, South Africa Relationship Status: Single Personality Traits: Insecure, selfless, loving, loyal, spontaneous, cheerful, positive, radiant does golden retriever puppy count as a personality trait?

Born in England, her biological mother of 16 years old was forced to give the baby away without granted a single glance at the newborn. A newly wed couple adopted the girl and took her with them to South Africa, where she was raised as their own. Never knowing she was adopted, adoring her parents and obedient to their rules. Her foster mother being a redhead herself, she never once thought or questioned if she'd been adopted or not.

Tallulah danced through life, with lots of laughter, lots of love to give and always putting others first. Even when she wasn't allowed to have friends over at home, she trusted her parents had their fair reasons for them. They owned a farm, away from the city, with a big stable owning quite a few horses. Tallulah got her own foal at a young age, grew up with the majestic animal as her best friend. She didn't have many human friends, mostly because her parents were really restricted and kept to themselves.

In her teenage years, she spent most of her time studying, getting good grades and worked the hardest on improving her English. This granted her the opportunity to study abroad, to participate in a student exchange program and move to Port Leiry for a year. It was a big step, but with the help of a friend of the family, Adrian, her parents let her go knowing there'd be someone keeping an eye out on her. Adrian acted as her guide and second dad in the city, so much so that when she moved back home; she always longed to go back. She graduated college and after a few years of job hopping back home, she made the big decision to move to Port Leiry.

Entirely lost in what 'dreams' she's supposed to follow, she has taken up a part-time job at the Growden Public Library and part-time at the Portside Flea Market. There she helps out, one of many, local florists that sells flowers at a stand - either place she'll be spending most of her time. She's only been in Port Leiry for a month, aside from the year she spent in Port Leiry at the age of 25, and ready to finally live her life to the fullest.

____________________

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME; to make up for the lack of friends Tallulah had back home, she needs someone - of any species really - to be there for her and teach her about letting go of the restrictions her parents put her up with

A BOOK NERD; Tallulah works part time at the library, absolutely loves to talk all things fiction, mostly feel-good fantasy and happy endings

LET YOURSELF GO; someone who could be a good or bad influence on Tallulah, depends on how you see it, who drags her through the city to truly let go of herself and experience the joys of life

[cityandking]

round two, this time with a clear theme: 6, 7, 34, 35, 58, 69 for minah + dai!

I see we're going fishin' // get to know my d&d characters

6. which party member do they relate to the most?

MINAH — to be honest, I don't think she really relates to anyone. I guess she and rhydian are both in the Maladjusted Rogues With Dead Dads club, but she doesn't really see herself in him (or vice versa). every now and then riya reminds her of her younger self, but minah's so far from that person that it's not exactly relating. being haunted, maybe. DAICHI — unfortunately mr. ozy "cinematic parallels" mandias. for all that there are parts of ozy that daichi fundamentally doesn't get, there are also parts of him that are intimately familiar. same sides of opposite coins, maybe.

7. which party member do they understand the least?

answered!

34. which party member do they go to in a crisis?

MINAH — imagine minah going to anyone in a crisis. imagine how terrible a crisis it would have to be for minah to willingly reach out to someone about it. I want to say leo because he's team dad (and they're training buddies!) but if it were really bad enough for her to reach out, I think she'd talk to cian. she'd want a thoughtful response and discretion, and in her opinion cian's the best person to go to for both those things. DAICHI — it's unlikely dai would single one person out if he were in a crisis (tbh it's unlikely daichi would go to anyone at all without doing some serious crisis-thinking about it himself first) but if it had to be just one person, it would be zaref. boyfriend privilege. (never mind that zaref's advice tends to be a big question mark.)

35. which party member do they worry for?

MINAH — rhydian. not that other party members haven't exhibited concerning behaviors (riya getting charmed by a demon, leo breaking people's fingers) but rhydian is a) just a little guy and b) seems to be actively trying to deal with something he has no handle on and she's equal parts worried for and about him. plus she likes him. rogue solidarity! (honorable mention to cian, who is also just a little guy and also increasingly traumatized. sorry for the murders buddy) DAI — all of them. it's in his job description. if he had to single anyone out, probably scratch — she puts her heart on the line most often, which leaves her most easily hurt. (honorable mention to zaref in any situation where he has to make a WIS save. rip my guy and his negative mod)

58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?

MINAH — she really doesn't see herself as having any particular role. if she had to pick something, she'd probably point towards her experience with the troupe (traveling, performing, going abroad, engaging in some light crime) and consider herself one of the more traveled/worldly members of the party and a voice of reason/advice in that particular arena. in actuality she's Miss Pockets with the sticky fingers and the Items. (tbh I'm not sure what her role actually is. she's just hanging out and being evasive.) DAI — he considers himself the responsible one. not that the rest of the party can't be responsible, that's just the role he's always filled and the one he defaults to. (post-abyss he's much worse at this. he's out of practice.) in reality... I mean, regardless of everything else he's still the healer. he's got that to fall back on

69. how would they describe their party members?

MINAH — as a collective: skilled, curious, in over their heads cian: quiet. kind of soft. he's a little too green for this (though after the last fight she's thinking maybe she is too, so who is she to judge). immensely empathetic. kind of a mystery. leo: team dad! generally a steady and stabilizing presence, except that the ease of his violence scares her. he reminds her a bit of alesso — big and at ease and approachable with something hard inside to watch out for. an excellent cook. rhydian: awkward. young. skilled and sharp and an excellent shot, but still so young. kind of a fucked up little dude (affectionate). riya: blindly privileged, which is often annoying. impressive in a fight. powerful but sad and maybe a little lonely. she can be amusing sometimes. dedicated and driven when she cares to be. nanna: the very best DAI — as a collective: prone to getting overinvested in other people's business. bane of governments everywhere dobin: sooo smart. bright. dedicated and hard working. a bit of a mystery. ozy: kind of a mess. old and experienced and worldly but not necessarily wiser for it. a tragic figure but not pitiable. adrift. sly and charming when he cares to be. impressive in a fight. strong and stubborn. admirable, despite everything. there's still a part of daichi that sees him as someone to learn from. scratch: the biggest heart of anyone he knows. meddling. emotionally-driven. curious, smart. incredibly stubborn (sometimes a little annoying about it). fundamentally a good person down to her core. not the greatest artist but she sure does try. zaref: stoic. strong. funnier than you might expect. charming. patient. hot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯