#how the fuck does one tag this gifset. let me know

[vcidheart]

KENDRICK LAMAR | NOT LIKE US

[unadulteratedkr]

~Let's talk about credit~

(not financial credit trust me you don't want to take financial advice from me lol)

No, today I am inviting y'all to the table to talk about the importance of crediting other creators in fandom!

Because, listen. We don't have a peer-review system. We don't have to submit our stuff to a plagiarism checker or go through stringent editing when shitposting on tumblr; we operate in an honor system of crafting folklore using our favorite blorbos, and that means that inspiration and using the specific words and images from canon creates a grey area on what ought to be credited, and how to do it in a way that creates a solid, strong community.

Here's a little of my philosophy and how I give proper credit where it's due, so I figured I'd share them to hopefully encourage others in making sure no one out there ends up becoming fandom's James Somerton

1. Links are your friends, use them enthusiastically

Drooled over a gifset that made you write a poem? Read a fic that made you pull out your embroidery hoop? Saw some art that made you write a song? Link to the original! Tag the original artist, hyperlink to the giffer, share the fic via the amazing shortcut button on Ao3, it's what those creators deserve! Even if it's a shitpost, that creator is where your idea started, and it's the right thing to do to share directly where your audience can connect with the person who inspired you.

This holds INFINITELY true if you are directly quoting someone. If you've used someone else's words to create your own work, link back to the original. No one wants to be sent a fic or a funny post on tumblr and then feel the sinking pit in their stomach when they realize that post is their own words with someone else's name on them.

2. Ask for permission when you can

Now, the reason I threw the addendum on this with "when you can" is because knowing when to ask for permission is more of an art versus a science. I myself have written more than one fic inspired by art where I didn't reach out to the artist before I shared the fic because I had no contact with them (the joys of me refusing to touch the garbage that is the bird site). BUT this is why point number one is to always link back to the original inspiration, because I believe that should always be the bare minimum.

THAT BEING SAID.

If you have a way of contacting the original fellow fandom person who inspired you? Reach out and ask them if they'd feel comfortable with you creating something! 999 times out of 1000, they're gonna be over the MOON you want to create something inspired by what they made, and they'll be really fucking pleased you reached out to check.

3. Ask yourself: is this a "two cakes" situation or am I putting my name on someone else's cake?

This is another one that can absolutely fall into a bit of a grey area. I have written many a fic that started out with me reading a take or a fic that went in a WILDLY different direction from what I was expecting or wanted, and I went "okay, fuck it. I'll write my own." And that's absolutely been a great motivator for me to start a project!

HOWEVER.

That is me creating a different flavor of cake, putting my own frosting on it, and probably adding something weird like lemon zest and instant coffee for a lemonade cappucino chiffon that shouldn't work (but definitely does, trust me)

If I were to have read a fic or a take and then gone, "Oh, yeah, definintely, here's the same idea but now I've rephrased it juuust a little and now it's under MY username on my blog".... that's slapping a different color of frosting on the same cake and claiming it's mine. If you find yourself doing that, I really invite you to pause and consider why you felt the need to do so instead of sharing the original post.

Like, not to bring Shakespeare into it (they say, poorly concealing their icon), but fandom can be exactly like how Juliet views love. Sharing joy in what others have created absolutely can be as "boundless as the sea [...] the more I give [...], the more I have, for both are infinite". It does not take away from the joy your fellow fandom friends will have in your own original work to share the work of others.

4. Hyping up your inspiration is FUN

Finally, this is more of me going "no really, proper credit isn't going to mean people love YOU less" because I truly believe in the power of how much FUN it really is to give credit where it's due. I was buzzing for WEEKS in anticipation of publishing Objection! and The 'I Duoy' Newlywed Special because the marvelous @jackuntiljune had brainstromed with me on the name for the boat my boys eloped on. And I get so fucking giddy when I see someone comment on those fics about the name of the boat because I get to take a giant breath and go "MY FRIEND JACK CAME UP WITH IT, AREN'T THEY AMAZING?!"

If you practice giving credit where it's due, I promise promise PROMISE it will become a joy. It's FUN getting to bring more people into the sandbox to play, and I know I love it when there's more than one person out there I can yell at (affectionate) when I've been emotionally destroyed (again, affectionate) by a gifset or art or fic <3

Thanks so much for reading this far! I can't wait to keep sharing inspiration with all of you out there

[saints-who-never-existed]

you had quite a compelling thought going in your tags of that bridglar gifset about loving something that cannot love you back... it would be a pleasure to hear the rest of what you had to say about it

I don't know that my thoughts on this are fully formed quite yet, but I'll tell you what I'm thinking so far and I'll start on a personal note.

-

I've always been fascinated with mythology and folklore - that fascination informed my artistic practice back when I was properly practising and is a huge part of the reason that I then progressed into the field of history and heritage.

As fascinated as I was, though, I found that I didn't actually believe in any of it which got me thinking - what does inspire that kind of feeling in me? That belief? That sort of religious-level ecstasy?

The simple answer was the great outdoors, the landscape itself.

I ascribed my own personal mythology to the landscape around me and ended up pursuing a literal artistic pilgrimage through key locations in the Highlands near my home back in Scotland which culminated in climbing my own personal 'Holy Mountain'.

(That was literally a decade ago and, let me tell you, my toes still haven't fully recovered from all that hiking!)

-

Which is all to say that when it comes to the idea of loving an entity that cannot love you back, I wonder, now that I've thought more on it, if perhaps it's a matter of perspective and expectation?

Yes, it's sad to think of how much those men would've loved the sea itself and how the sea did not, could not love them back. How it was the sea itself that doomed them, at least in part.

I think a lot about how they possibly could have reconciled that but then I remember my own experiences in the landscape, the love I feel for it and the joy it continues to bring me. And I think perhaps that you just don't and shouldn't love something of that magnitude in the first place for anything else but what it is or with any expectation that it'll love you back.

As I touched on in the tags of that earlier post, most of those men would have been at sea since their childhood/youth and built their entire lives around it, would've known it intimately.

So yes, while the sea is a cruel mistress who could not love them back, I think that there's perhaps a more positive spin to be found here.

That there's perhaps something quite beautiful and profound and, dare I say, holy, in the notion that they would've known full well the unloving, cruel, and capricious nature of the sea and that they would've carried on loving her regardless.

-

I've waffled on long enough now so I'll end on a more historical/Terror-specific note and say that I think there's also a really interesting conversation to be had about colonialism/empire vs the sea/landscape.

Though the men don't love the empire itself per se, their lives have been defined by it and everything they've done within their careers has served it in some way. Yet at the end of the day, it is just another entity that, for lack of a better phrase, doesn't love them back, doesn't care for them at all.

The key distinction to be made here, I think, is one of 'can't' vs 'won't'.

It's sad that the sea doesn't love or care for you, yes, but that's only because the sea is a natural entity that cannot love or care for anything. Think of how, despite it all, the love still endures for Peglar and there is at least something approaching closure for him as result. Even as he's dying he still loves Bridgens and he still loves the sea, even after all it's put him through.

To live your life, however willingly, in service of an entity like colonialism/empire is another thing entirely though. That's a man-made entity that doesn't care for you not because it can't but because, quite frankly, it doesn't fucking want to. An entity that had the choice and the power to care for you and chose not to. Think of James Clark Ross, for example, and the way his face drops when he realises that, despite everything that's happened and everything they've given in service of it, the Admiralty and the Empire still care more about finding the Passage than finding the men lost to it.

Now that's a tragedy!

[crestfallercanyon]

weekly tag wednesday ☁️

thanks for the tag @mmmichyyy!!! Been a while since I've actually done one of these but I'm always excited to see others tags <3

name: crest

age: late 20s

your time zone: actually currently it's mountain time but that's not typical.

what do you do for work? I'm an attorney.

do you have any pets? yes, I have one cat, he's adorable.

what first drew you to this fandom? admittedly I at first started seeing gifsets, and then I realized they were coming from a beloved mutual @go-catch-a-chickn and I was slowly becoming obsessed and wanted to know more about the show, talked to my sibling who has already seen Shameless too, and then when I finally made the plunge everyone was SO NICE and LOVELY! So while I'm back to being a bit on the fringes (of all things fandom lately, not just Shameless) I do still adore it.

are you a morning person or a night owl? quite genuinely I am both and neither. It really depends on how well I've slept, how much time to myself I feel I've had, or how busy I am.

what are your hobbies? writing, getting back into drawing, video games, hiking, I play an instrument in my community orchestra as well, as well as others.

how tall are you? 5'4ish?

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? I don't know actually -- some days I just want to go back to the midwest, other days I want to live in New York and experience that. I'm pretty happy where I'm at, though.

favorite color? green

favorite book? Oof, favorites are really hard. I don't know if I have a true favorite book, just recency bias lmao. I absolutely loved This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. However, I will say, I actually reread The Southern Reach trilogy by Jeff Vandermere (particularly the first two books, Annihilation and Authority) fairly often. It is one of the most compelling stories I've read, and every time I reread it I catch a new clue as to what's going on and a new creepy detail.

favorite movie? Steel Magnolias. No other movie makes me laugh and cry as hard as that one does.

favorite fic? there's so many, I've read in so many different fandoms, too, this isn't really quantifiable. That being said, I probably reread Stag and Wolf, Wyvern and Rabbit by deadlifts (Fire Emblem Three Houses Claude/Felix fic) the most. I've also read Ready (Maze Runner Gally/Minho fic) by comebacknow a lot. They're both amazing, I greatly recommend.

favorite musical artist: glass animals and the japanese house. this is also subject to change all the time, but I adore these two for sure.

what is your average screen time so far this week? way too fucking high. I've been easily distracted recently.

what’s the first app you open in the morning? this will date me for sure -- probably snapchat. i've got streaks with friends spanning years, not about to let 'em die.

how long have you been on tumblr? not until around the pandemic area, think 2021? My vibe screams I was on tumblr when I was a preteen, but when I was a kid we only had one computer for the whole house and it was ancient -- which means I never got to use it and had actually never heard of tumblr until after it "died" the first time.

finally (and i know this one is hard) tell me a fun fact about yourself: no one ever expects it, but I'm actually a pretty good dancer, and I love to go salsa dancing.

no pressure tags: @go-catch-a-chickn, @michellemisfit, @jrooc, @callivich, and anyone else who wants to join!

[revvethasmythh]

In response to your Fearne/Chetney song post: Consider this ask an opportunity to pick any playlists you have and ramble about them, I absolutely love discovering new music through playlists!

yes EXCELLENT thank you!!

okay to keep myself on task so I don't just ramble for like 5k words, I'm going to treat this a top 10 list and this is going to specifically be for my widobrave playlist because she is my baby and I've been working on her for a long time and you know what? the wb tag deserves a little love. I'm going to try to spotlight different songs than I talked about before, too, for diversity's sake

this is absolutely going to get long, so I'll put the rest under the cut.

1: I And Love And You, The Avett Brothers

oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. What is there to say that the song does not say itself? There are a few ways I think this song could be interpreted depending on how you're reading the lyrics, but the line "that woman she got eyes that shine/like a pair of stolen polished dimes" is so fucking good and so Veth this will always be a top song for me. Also need to shout out the "the dream's the catch/the world's the cage" line in this one, because that has always made me think back to Heart in a Cage--I consider them related in my own personal widobrave lyrical thematic universe. Verdict: The vibes are excellent. The Avett brothers always pull through for me

2. Summertime, MCR

obviously this was going to show up in wb song list for me because I named one of my fics after this song! I've always associated summer with wb anyway, but the additional layer of the summer camp and that being a time they specifically spend together in post-canon makes it even better. "You can run away with me any time you want" also follows through on the "runaway" theme that they've both had on their separate playlists (Runaway by Yeah Yeah Yeahs on Caleb's first playlist and Runaway Pt. 1 (Love Has Limits) by Colony House on the Veth playlist).

3. Who Will I Hold, The Avett Brothers

I am screaming and crying and throwing up every time this song comes on. Listen to their one-on-one talk in episode 121 and then listen to this song. The lyrics are so remarkably accurate, it's a thing to behold. "I'm bracing for loneliness, I know it's coming/Now, who will I hold when you're gone?"

4. Hand Over Heart, Gin Wigmore

Melancholy and loving and again incredibly accurate lyrics from "and promise me, day and night/you'll always be my best friend" to "you got the magic to light up the stars/it's like the world is spinning just for you."

5. Not Alone, Shawn James

Very tender song that resonates a lot with wb, and also so very reminiscent of what Veth told Caleb in the finale with the line "Listen close and hear/I want you to let go of your fear/You can find love/Let go of your strife and get what you want out of your life." Like, I think there's a gifset out there somewhere where she basically just says this to Caleb.

6. I Will Follow Him, Peggy March

Okay so this one IS from the first Nott playlist, but I don't see it talked about very much and tbh if you're listening to it from the pov of having seen the end of the campaign, this one just hits different. Shoutout to the "he'll always be my true love" lyric. Like WHAT. The way that song was on an official CR playlist and no one ever talks about it, I'm--

7. Head Full Of Doubt/Road Full Of Promise, The Avett Brothers

A third Avett Brothers song, you say?? Why yes, indeed. Their songs just really hit for this ship with me. I consider this song to mostly be a Veth song, revolving a lot around Veth's self-doubt issues, but if we're following Rosie's Lyrical Thematic Universe (RLTU), this lyric, "There was a dream and one day I could see it/Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it" stands out a lot. Like the song progression of Heart in a Cage -> I And Love And You -> Head Full Of Doubt/Road Full Of Promise is what I'm getting at here. "Oh, the heart beats in its cage" to "The dream's the catch/The world's the cage" to "Like a bird in a cage I broke in a demanded that somebody free it." The caged bird thing is HUGE thematically with me and which I think is really funny because it's literally just ME out here with these hyper specific themes and motifs going on. But I love it, I think it works great for them

8. If U Stayed, ZZ Ward

You come to this song for pure angst and pure angsty only. If you want to feel angsty about the fact that they're non-canon, this is the song for you.

9. December Song, Birdtalker (of Blue Healer fame) and Joy Williams (of Trouble With Wanting fame)

"Friend your heart has been far away from mine/There's no one to blame but that wicked stalwart time/And as the year marches steady to its end/Oh, my heart is longing to be close to yours again"

I've been wanting to write a post-canon holiday themed piece based around this song for AGES. the details aren't perfectly accurate, but the vibes are very much there.

10. Lead to Light, Nico Vega

No song list/playlist of mine is ever complete without at least ONE Nico Vega song. The themes of, well, "I will drop anything for you" ring very true, but my favorite line is the bridge: "Oh my love, you know you are a teacher/But you don't know I can be a teacher, too." I appreciate it on one level as inherently suggestive, but extremely literal in the case of late widobrave with Veth opening up her camp to teach adventurers, especially since she had said she wasn't a good teacher sometime in the early campaign.

Honorable Mentions:

1: So Sorry Mama, Whitney Duncan

The details of this song do not match up with canon, HOWEVER, I am 100% certain Veth (lover of monsters and of bad boys) has had at least one, if not more, fantasies re: Caleb that sound exactly like this. So I'm including it because I am sure that she'd had this vision at least once in a dream

2. If We Were Vampires, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

I'll admit this one is highly specific to me, which is why it's in the honorable mentions section, because I'm pulling a lot of the themes of this song for the post-canon wb piece I'm working on right now. It's also just a very bittersweet, tender song that is so, so good about loving someone for as long as you can and making those days count

A bonus Veth-specific honorable mention:

Whiskey Fever by Dorothy. It's not all that deep of a song rec, but it's pretty accurate and it slaps. This song fucking slaps.

A bonus Caleb-specific honorable mention:

Innocent by Taylor Swift. Never thought I'd choose a T. Swift song for him, but it so eerily accurate to his story. Could double a wb song, but I largely relate it to Caleb due to its subject matter.

if anyone was actually curious, I'll just add the full playlist here for perusal sake because there's A LOT more on there, these are just my personal favorites:

[masterthespianduchovny]

no one fucking gaslit you but yourself. I a! so goddamned sick of the tedbecca shippers appropriating the actual experiences of actual abuse survivors to whine about not getting the ship that was very clearly never going to happen, and acting like having yet another bland straight white couple is somehow groundbreaking television.

y'all write whole goddamn essays about how you're so oppressed by *shit that did not fucking happen*. it's fucking tedious. your sydcarmy ship isn't happening either and I hope you die mad about it too

all y'all are doing is exposing yourselves for thinking that a woman only exists as a whole for your fave fictional white men to fuck and I'm tired of the endless tantrums in the tags about it

sorry you're incapable of media literacy and didn't immediately get the incredibly obvious joke in the finale but that's a personal problem. congratulations you played yourself. next time don't brainwash yourself with gifsets instead of watching what the show actually does. goddamned immature brats

Ooh, chile, you shouldn’t have told me that you’re sick of us spamming the tag because I’m going to make sure to write even more here and spam it all fucking day, baby. Thanks for that. ☺️

Now on to your bullshit post:

1. No one’s appropriating anything. You seem like the person who believes that only army veterans can have PTSD. Newsflash: that’s false just like your understand how who can be effected by gaslighting is false—it’s broader than you believe.

2. I’m a fucking black woman, let’s not get into politics over shipping because you will lose regardless of race. The show is predominantly WHITE and to ship either of the leads with the black men on the show, which has canonically happened for a pairing, is problematic as fuck.

3. Whoever said they were fucking oppressed, you need to talk to them NOT me. However, I can criticize what I deem as POOR writing. That’s not oppression, that’s a grievance that writers can learn from in the future.

5. I have a fucking degree in CINEMA AND MEDIA STUDIES. The lowest grade I ever received on film and TV analysis was a B and that was because I was trying less than usual. I’ve been apart of film/tv and have been on the crew of independent movies—even got an IMDb credit for it. I was briefly an English major before switching to cinema and I’m currently writing a book, this is all to say:

I very likely watch tv (and film) more intently than you do and ever have. I break down character, plot, dynamics, tropes, themes, etc subconsciously and can recall small details and plot points that most people cannot.

I’m in the process of being a guest for a movie podcast, launching my own movie and tv podcast in a few months, and writing an article on the function of filler episodes in tv, both past and present.

So while my criticism is focused on a ship, it’s due to my intimate knowledge of tv, my education, and career path. The goal is to end up as a writer of movies and tv. Like, I’m true to this, not new to this.

I don’t give a fuck what you think is tedious. Bad writing is bad writing. It’s why Ted Lasso was shut out at the TCAs and will likely have very few or NO Emmy’s because the last season was terrible. The final episode doesn’t make any since even when you don’t account for Tedbecca. If you bothered reading that tedious writing, you’d know that. Don’t worry, I’ll write a post and flood the tag again.

The bantr reveal fake out does not make any sense if they never intended to AT LEAST explore ted and Rebecca’s feelings. That’s taking up important space in the narrative. We literally didn’t need it. Setting ted and rebecca up as soulmates regardless of it it was romantic OR platonic with NO pay off is BAD writing. Harping on their connection only for them to spend most of the season apart and very little screen time with ted being inattentive to rebecca in the last episode is BAD WRITING.

I’m sorry that you don’t know what bad writing looks like, but media literacy is being able to discern narrative consistency and how writing qualify influences that.

Part of the criticism of Tedbecca is that if it weren’t going happen, why were all of those unnecessary details there?

The other problem is that is was gaslighting because of how the writers, producers, and Jason interacted with fans. They led fans on, and Brendan was an asshole about the w tire thing during his AMA.

Like why in the fuck is Jason saying, “what if you had a crush on your boss” and invoking Nora Ephron? I don’t want to hear any bullshit about subversion when 1. The writing wasn’t good enough in the third season to subvert shit 2. Outside of shipper complaints, the show has fallen off hard in SM discourse. Went out with a whimper!

5. So wanting Rebecca AND Ted together means we think a woman only exists for our fave fictional white man? Mighty presumptuous of you to assume that Ted is my fave white man—that’s Mike Lawson and Fox Mulder. Even then, many who ship tedbecca are rebecca/Hannah stans and are actually pissed that her storyline didn’t involve therapy and focus on her professional life more. Hell, she didn’t even get adequate apologies from Higgins or one from Nate. The romance is only one of many ways the show has failed her and it has been discussed at length on Twitter. Please keep showing how you’re all assumption and don’t read or maybe you just lack comprehension skills. You’re the one exposing yourself here and lack the self reflection to understand that.

I suppose that’s hard when you have one brain cell. Don’t work it too hard!

We’re immature, but you’re sending anon hate mail to me because you’re upset. LOLOLOLOL!!! People have the right to complain if they want for long they want, get over it. The real immaturity is being unable to deal with the fact that people feel differently than you, not understand why (may be due to the one brain cell), and attacking us over it.

6. There’s no reason for me to be upset if SydCarmy doesn’t happen. While I do believe a foundation is being laid, The Bear can actually maintain high quality writing. So whatever they choose to do, even if it’s not marking my ship canon, I have confidence in the direction they choose to go.

7. Your head is so far up your ass that you think people didn’t get their pedestrian joke. Lol. You’re defending writing that, for TWO SEASONS, painted Jane as an abuser and that Beard needed to get out of their toxic relationship only for them to get a happily ever after that glosses over said abuse. Keep in mind that Jane fucking SHREDDED his passport.

Come get your clown make up kit, you’ve earned it, dear.

Because I want you to explain and justify THAT to me.

Let’s also breakdown Ted’s narrative arc, which doesn’t make a lick of sense and was changed in the third season.

Or how Jamie and Roy fighting over keeley was nonsensical.

And that Michelle’s ex was sabotaged narratively in the last ep and I don’t even like that dude.

Or how keeley and rebecca wanting to create and run a woman’s football league is random as fuck and has never been discussed, teased, alluded to, or anything else.

You think this is the first time a ship hasn’t happened for me? Hell, I’ve had one half of my ship did and they were CANON at one point. As a matter of fact, it was TWO ships only one canon and, for the latter, there was rampant RACISM going on behind the scenes.

Because I don’t know who else, if anyone else, you’re sending these anon messages to, but I’m very well versed when it comes to fiction and I don’t fuck around. I stand ten toes down in everything I say because it’s backed up with facts and careful thought.

So if you want to get into, we can get into it, but I guarantee you, you’ll be exposed as a fraud of who doesn’t know shit about fuck.

We can do this or not, the choice is yours.

[scratchybeardsweetmouth]

Thanks for tagging me @lodessa in the WIP Folder Meme and for @youcancallme-ray for the Last Line - WIP Meme! I barely write so I unfortunately have nothing for this but just going to share some notes or initial plans or ideas I had that well, were initially WIPs, and now are just rotting in my folder (or brain) left un-giffed.

Goran Visnjic in every episode of Red Widow - I stopped at episode s01e04

Jorah Mormont in every episode - I stopped at s05e08 and have yet to compile for s05e09

Iain Glen as John Manly in Black Beauty - the last scene where he lets the horse roam

Iain Glen as Sonny McElhone in his undies helping a friend out of his heart stopping 

Tedbecca... (Ted Lasso and Rebecca Welton scenes) (see below the cut)

I kinda wanna tag writers that might actually enjoy the WIP Folder Meme and Last Line - WIP Meme but this reply of mine might be confusing lol! For any writer that does wanna check out that tag game, please see the links in the first paragraph.

########################## tedbecca side by side in one scene 1x01 - welcome to england 1x01 - drinking water after press 1x02 - keeley arrives with lion or panda (extra 1x02, standing in front of press) 1x02 - that's y you're the boss / toy soldier 1x02 - cake from sam's bday 1x04 - ted lasso, my god! 1x05 - ted in rebecca's office with head injury 1x06 - just the man i wanted to see 1x06 - ey boss glad u could join us 1x06 - oh spirits 1x07 - rebecca comforts ted/panic atk 1x08 - meeting milk sisters 1x09 - biscuit boost eggplant suit 1x09 - apology 1x10 - toast 'win whole fucking thing'

########################## tedbecca because you loved me by celine dion

for all those times you stood by me 1x08 - don't want to give him the satisfaction

for all the truth that you made me see 1x04 - who sees who he really is? you're not.

for all the joy you brought to my life 2x04 - walking together outside ted's place 2x01 - that laugh cheering from the box

for all the wrong that you made right 1x09 - rebecca apologizes, 'i forgive you'

for every dream you made come true 2x12 - you too ted! champagne to celebrate?

for all the love i found in you 1x02 - toy soldier

ill be forever thankful baby ---

you're the one who held me up, never let me fall 2x10 funeral, ted continues the song

you're the one who saw me through, through it all 1x04 hug or the start of convo --------------------------------------

you were my strength when i was weak 1x04 hug outside the gala

you were my voice when i couldn't speak 1x08 dart scene

you were my eyes when i couldn't see 1x09 i forgive you

you saw the best there was in me 1x09 eggplant suit

lifted me up when i couldn't reach 2x10 funeral, ted continues the song

you gave me faith 'cause you believed 1x09 apology hug

i'm everything i am

because you loved me

########################## struck by fuckin' lightning

1x01 how you holdin up 1x02 fuck me (biscuits) 1x04 *thank you* (end of gala, reacts to ted) 1x08 dart scene 2x12 you too, ted (congratulations)

########################## if you're with the right person, even the hard times are easy

1x04 gala hug 1x07 panic attack 1x08 you wanna leave? 1x09 rebecca's apology 1x10 carrying something besides biscuits 2x04 "hi ted" 2x10 never gonna say goodbye

########################## himbo moments, rebecca's reactions

1x01 ghosts need to believe in themselves 1x03 branding joke 1x03 owner of the sun 1x03 obama arm wrestle 2x12 "still" water

########################## s01e04 gala comfort s01e07 panic attack comfort s01e05 oklahoma s03e04 oklahoma s01e08 hi boss s02e04 hi ted s02e10 traumas

########################### Gifset of them with these lyrics:

God sent those eyes to get me through the night And all the shadows of the past fade into white When all the memories in my head subside You remain here, you remain dear inside, ooh

We try to understand the way the current flows We find the love and plan that only faith can know And underneath the veil of my wild eyes Is a heart unafraid to let love inside,

--  Godsent by Ben&Ben

[drgrlfriend]

I posted 2,229 times in 2022

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I tagged 2,218 of my posts in 2022

#hawkeye - 1,476 posts

#clint barton - 1,474 posts

#marvel - 1,466 posts

#bucky barnes - 1,409 posts

#the winter soldier - 1,398 posts

#mcu - 1,363 posts

#winterhawk - 1,302 posts

#ca:tws - 1,261 posts

#random - 212 posts

#teen wolf - 185 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#marking it complete is like saying you filled the gas tank in the car and then when your spouse runs out of gas you're like 'well i filled i

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay, all my peeps need to run out and immediately watch the movie RRR on Netflix.

Think of a Marvel movie, but on steroids. This movie is bonkers. This movie is fantastic. This movie is "what the fuck? (confused)" combined with "OMG what the fuck?!? (laudatory)"

Dance-offs? Check.

Close male friends expressing the wish to die for each other? Check.

Motorcyles being thrown? Wait, you've seen that before in a Marvel movie... how about FLAMING motorcycles being thrown? Check.

Tiger fights? Not interesting enough? How about tiger, wolf, deer, jaguar, bear, and other miscellaneous wildlife fights? Check.

Colonizers getting it in the neck? Check, check, and double-check. You like that scene in The Old Guard where Nicky and Joe are fighting in tandem? How about fighting in tandem with one CARRYING the other on his shoulders? Check.

I tried to find one post to reblog that had enough gifsets to convey the tone, but went deep in the tag and could not find just one, so here are some random gifsets that pop up when I search:

See the full post

60 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

#4

Fan artists are already amazing, but @aukanemin takes it to another level. Not only are their artworks gorgeous, lush, and detailed, but they are producing them in the midst of terrible conflict, power outages, and incredible uncertainty. I commissioned this work for my Winterhawk fic, Freedom's Reach, and am beyond thrilled with the result as well as the entire process. Bucky Barnes and Clint Barton were new characters for @aukanemin and they did an absolutely amazing job manifesting something that lived only in my imagination and making it ten times as beautiful in the process. 100% recommend stalking them for commissions to open up again so you can nab a masterpiece of your own. Freedom's Reach by dr_girlfriend

Summary:

Clint is about to move on when his eyes drift up to the lettering at the top of the window.

FREE PASSAGE TO THE WEST!

Clint knows that the circus folk mock him — call him too trusting, too soft-hearted — but even he knows nothing in this life comes free. The words puzzle him, and he reads them again carefully to make sure he hasn’t made a mistake.

His eyes are drawn to one posting at the very bottom corner, different from the others. This one is sun-faded and starting to yellow, curling at the corners. Clint crouches down, brow furrowing and lips moving as he sounds out the unfamiliar words.

Western Man Seeking a Husband — I am a kind and unassuming man of good financial means seeking a helpmate and companion. I have lost my arm in the service of our Union, but am otherwise free from disease. I am not particular as to looks, but am seeking an individual of equal youth and vivacity with whom I can share my affection and devotion. I am a man of quiet habits, moderate temperament, and kind disposition and would seek the same in my husband.

81 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

#3

Cannot. Stop. Laughing.

I’m not yet convinced Musk’s ownership will bring the worst predictions to pass. But if it does, and Twitter dies, let me offer a word of advice: Don’t mourn too long. You’ll be just fine. In fact, sooner than you think, you might even feel a sense of reprieve, once the hellsite as you knew it has finally gone to hell. I know because I’ve been through this before: I was there when Tumblr died.

See the full post

276 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#2

Please vote. Please vote. Please please please vote.

Don't let Republicans take power in November.

321 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Look at this amazing Winterhawk art, commissioned from @drizzledrawings! Based on this from Lucky in Love: Clint has found an arrow loose somewhere, and is messing with the fletching, head flopped back on the back of the couch as he squints at it.  “Fireworks tomorrow night,” he notes casually, not even looking away from the arrow.

Bucky’s stomach drops.  He hadn’t even realized — he should have brought this up with his therapist weeks ago.  Based on how he had reacted that one time a car backfired, fireworks would —

“Lucky hates ‘em,” Clint continues, interrupting Bucky’s panic-spiral.  “I got it set up where we can listen to the t.v. with headphones, usually we watch movies all night.  You want in on that?”

The relief is palpable, the sickening roil of Bucky’s stomach settling immediately at the thought of being able to just block it all out, safe and warm wedged on the couch between Clint and Lucky.

“Yeah.  Sounds good,” he mumbles.

Clint still doesn’t look up, just smiles to himself small and private, where he’s fixing his arrow.

Bucky scoots in a little closer and Clint doesn’t miss a step, just loops his left arm so it’s around Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky lets his eyes droop to half-mast, resting his head against Clint’s shoulder.  He feels the movement of the muscles under his cheek as Clint continues to fiddle, the silence warm and comfortable around them, Lucky leaning heavily against Bucky’s other side.

Yeah, Bucky thinks.  That’s what this warm feeling must be.  Home.

496 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lakeofsilverpike]

#The wheel of time#Moiraine Damodred#wot show spoilers#Wot season 2 spoilers#wot s2 spoilers#Wheel of time season 2 spoilers#wheel of time s2 spoilers#If I loved her less I would be able to talk about it more#I loved that in an episode about trapped characters Moiraine is the one binding herself#Setting traps and lures to trip herself on purpose#The straps on her shoulders are telling#I loved the fact that despite this cageyness she still has Rand's trust and Barthanes' admiration#And for all her power plays Anvaere does love her sister and is disturbed by her state#Yes please give me Moiraine as this steely and implacable figure who inspires great devotion

@onaperduamedee

The gifset is beautiful. And yes, to all these tags. I am so intrigued by Rand's trust of Moiraine in this episode. There was this shift in 1x08 between them. Where he starts to see her as a person, where he starts thinking about how much she has sacrificed. That scene where he asks if it was hard to leave Lan behind, and her expression is just "are you fucking kidding me right now?" and then right after he tries to save her by telling her not to come to the Eye with him.

For all we joke about Moiraine walking in on Rand and Lanfear and how weird that is for your mom to see you tied to a bed for kinky sex with your girlfriend, it's telling that she doesn't ever make him feel that he did anything wrong. She never makes him feel awkward for having sex or for her knowing that he is having kinky sex. That last scene, Rand is able to talk to Moiraine about Lanfear, about what he thought that relationship was. Rand tells Lanfear that she's the first person to see him as a man. But I think in this episode we get to see Moiraine treating him as an adult too. She is the sex positive gay aunt that he can go to and talk out the unhealthy relationship he was in.

It feels like this episode was building the foundation of their relationship with warmth and respect in a way the books never did, and I really enjoy their dynamic in a way I didn't expect to.

And Moiraine's genuine warmth with Barthanes was also so great. Her smile when she says, "I hope it's a happy match," about his wedding is so genuine. Moiraine is only completely open about herself with Siuan and Lan, but she is warm and kind with others, with Rand, with Barthanes, with Egwene in season one on several occasions.

I love the comment about Moiraine inspiring great devotion. Because I think it's the devotion that comes from affection and care rather than a kind of zealotry. She's falling apart a little in this episode. Feeling the weight of what she needs to do. Twenty years of sacrifice and searching. And now that she found Rand, the actual task ahead is so much more than she ever truly imagined. And she doesn't hide from Rand her vulnerability and her fear. Even if she doesn't speak of it, her face says enough. And I think that is part of why he trusts her, because she lets him see that she too is afraid, that the task ahead is terrifying to them both, that she's as fucking exhausted by it as he is.

𝕸𝖔𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝕾𝖊𝖉𝖆𝖎 𝖎𝖓 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖔𝖋 𝕿𝖎𝖒𝖊 (2x05)

[blainesebastian]

coffee cart girl (pt5)

words: 3,418 ship: austin x female reader summary: you’re the coffee runner on the set of Elvis. Coffee deliveries run pretty easy, until Austin accidently spills coffee on you. notes: thank you so much for all the support! previous parts are under this tag, this part was inspired by this gifset  warnings: none tag list: under the cut! sorry if your username does not link up on the post if you requested to be put on the tag list (it’s getting hefty! :)), unsure how I could fix that. please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed. 

Despite everything changing, things stay the same—which is actually pretty comforting. You keep showing up on set, day-in-day-out, serve coffee, come back home and then wake up to do it all over again. You have to admit that you feel slightly lighter working your coffee deliveries and know it has everything to do with this relationship you’re building with Austin. Keeping things under wrap for right now feels like the best idea, just between the two of you, which is exactly what you both need right now. With Austin constantly working on Elvis, you have no interest in being in any sort of spotlight—at least not yet. Your script work is getting better but you’re still figuring out the steps that you’ll need to move forward, to get yourself out there—be noticed.

The last thing you want is for someone to assume you haven’t gotten somewhere by talent alone but because of who you know, or in this case, who you’re seeing.

Austin has always seemed like a very private guy anyways, he’s not very active on social media—he likes to keep his personal life exactly that, personal. It leaves you with this intimate bubble forms over you both, time to get to know one another and develop on shared feelings. It may not look like normal dating, and it might seem like sneaking around sometimes, but that doesn’t bother you.

In the end—what you have with Austin is no one’s business.

Except, you do want to tell Jillian.

Getting on set Thursday, you make a direct route to one of the makeup trailers that she works in. Climbing inside and closing the door, you make sure you’re alone with her before spilling the beans. You tell her everything, from start to finish, all the details you feel like are necessary to get you both on the same page.

It doesn’t take much—Jillian already thought that Austin liked you, so the conclusion jumping is a short distance once she has all the information.

Jillian’s face somehow looks like an emoji, a permanent heightened emotion that is hearteyes and shocked all at the same time. Her jaw may also be taking up a residence on the floor, she hasn’t closed her mouth since you began talking.

“I fucking knew it.” She laughs, “I’m so good at sensing chemistry—like, I should probably quit my job here and become a relationship guru,” You roll your eyes even though you’re smiling, “Or a tarot card reader.”

“You can’t tell anyone Jillian, I mean it.” You say after a moment, taking a step closer to your friend. “Austin and I don’t want our business out there.”

“Austin and I,” She repeats with a dreamy laugh, “Our,” She shakes her head, curls tied up in clip today, which is probably a good thing seeing as how she seems to be vibrating at a high frequency. “Does that feel weird to say—like, you’re dating a celebrity.”

You let out a slow breath, your stomach fluttering in a slightly nervous way that it does sometimes. It’d be obtuse not to acknowledge the elephant in the room that Austin is, in fact, a celebrity, that he is different than someone you met at a coffee shop or a bar. You two are very unique in that sense and are on distinct paths for your futures. But at the same time you find it important to remind yourself that Austin is human, he’s a regular guy that has normal emotions, needs and desires. You’re on the same page, you’re working together on this.

But that doesn’t mean that sometimes this whole thing doesn’t blow your mind because it does. It’s as if you’re worried you might wake up from a dream or something, harsh reality ready to grab you by the throat.

“Jillian,” You repeat, holding her gaze so you know she’s actually listening.

Jillian sighs, head tossed back towards the ceiling, “I hear you, promise. I won’t say a word to anyone.” And you do believe her otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. Jillian might be a little eccentric but she’s trustworthy. “Are you going to go out on dates…or?”

You pause a moment, considering that…you actually hadn’t thought about it. So much of your interactions kinda stem on being on set together, you spend time between shoots, when you bring coffee or Austin lets you know when he’s taking food breaks but…

Eventually Elvis will come to an end and then what? There’s award shows and interviews and a very public eye. You’re pretty sure that even now if you two were to go out, someone would notice and put it out into the world—a fan, a pap, a gossip tabloid, too many different outcomes. One of the great things about set is that you can have privacy here.

“We’re figuring it out.” And it sounds like such a lame excuse right now but to be honest you don’t want to admit that it hasn’t crossed your mind.

Jillian just smiles before nodding, the door to the trailer opening up before any more questions can be asked. You’re secretly kind of thanking whoever’s listening for that—if your friend thinks you need to be a bit more planned about your future with Austin, she doesn’t comment.

Right now you think a day-to-day approach is best…but maybe a little bit more of a strategy wouldn’t hurt either.

--

The day is as busy as it always is, filled with running around on last minute rotations and add-ons mixed with your regular orders. Sal actually seems like she’s in a decent mood for once, which is always a nice surprise. You take your afternoon lull at the typical picnic bench, getting some serious editing done on your script as you slowly sip on a coffee. Second readthrough is done, now all that’s left is reading it outloud to catch any last mistakes before…letting a second pair of eyes actually look at it.

Speaking of—

You frown, picking up the clipboard nearby that had your morning and afternoon orders on it. Just as you thought, you don’t see Austin’s name anywhere. Time had been runnin’ so smoothly, you barely noticed that he hadn’t placed any coffee orders. Normally, you might not think that was odd but…after ending up on the same page, it’s usually a nice stolen few moments to see one another through a busy day.

You chew on your lower lip—it’s probably just a hectic day for him but there’s also a small pit in your stomach that is slowly beginning to feel like a black hole for whatever reason. You put the script in your bag and decide to stretch your legs, dropping your things off where you usually keep them and take a long stroll around set.

In a not surprising turn of events, you end up outside Austin’s trailer. Glancing around for a moment, you take a sip of coffee and make your way up the steps—at the very least you can pretend you have a last-minute caffeine fix for him, should anyone ask. You knock on the door and wait, taking a step back to make room for the door to open.

It takes a few moments but when it finally does, you pause, unsure of what to say.

Despite still getting to know him, it’s very plain to see that he’s upset. He must be in-between scenes because he’s in his own clothes, jeans, a black shirt, his hair scrubbed free of gel from what looks like his hands going through it. His face is slightly pink, eyes red-rimmed and wet and it somehow makes the color seem even more blue. He works his jaw a moment, swallowing, seemingly trying to get ahold of himself.

You’re kinda dumbfounded because…you’ve obviously never seen him like this before.

Blinking, you realize that you should say something. “Hi,” You pause, taking a breath, “Do you—you want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” He says quickly, clearing his throat. His voice is twinged with emotion, slightly deeper than usual as he opens the door so you can walk over the threshold, “You can come in.”

You hesitate for a moment before wandering inside, the door closing behind you. Austin moves to lean against the kitchenette counter and you stand in front of him, putting your cup of coffee down near the sink. You give him a few moments to collect himself, watching as he runs a hand over his forehead, swallowing, the muscles in his jaw flexing again. Your gaze flutters over the rings he has on today, both gold, one on his middle finger while the other rests on his pinky.

Did something happen? You’re trying not to bombard him with questions…so you do the only thing you think you can in that moment, remembering how his hand had smoothed its way down your back during that migraine. One hand moves to settle along his arm, squeezing, while the other gently rests along his neck. Your fingers graze the bottom of his jawline, his pulse quick and skin warm where you’re touching. You feel, rather than see him, take a short breath in.

Whatever’s got him worked up, it’s at least good to know that he’s letting himself feel it rather than keep it buried underneath his ribcage. Some people are so concerned about strong emotions, never allowing themselves to give into them, feeling like they have to keep them hidden or tucked away. Austin’s not only allowing himself to feel, but he’s also letting you see him like this.

Neither of you say anything for a while, just stand there together, soaking one another in. You rub along his arm, sometimes your other hand moving to cup his cheek, stroking along his cheekbone. He sniffles, running one of his own hands underneath his eyes before letting out a slow breath,

“Sometimes it’s uh, it’s hard for me to take a step back from what I’m doin’.”

You nod and honestly, a lot of details aren’t necessary. You're sure the emotional toll is sometimes brutal, how hard it must be to separate his feelings out between what's reality and what's the film. You know that Austin gives absolutely everything to his work—it's obvious in the way he carries himself, how he speaks about his roles, in interviews you've seen and even in conversations you've shared with him.

He doesn’t need to explain himself.

It’s a bit crushing to see him like this—you wish you knew what to say. “Can I do anything?”

Austin shakes his head, giving you a small smile. Removing the hand that you have along his cheek, he presses a kiss to the inside of your wrist, “You’re doin’ it.”

You smile back, your stomach doing that ridiculous fluttering thing it sometimes does because of him. “I was wonderin’ why your coffee orders were missing from my clipboard.”

“Just been kinda nauseous all day,” Austin admits, running a hand through his hair, “Stomach’s in a knot.”

You’ve heard rumors that way before filming started Baz had organized for studio producers, crew, and the like to heckle Austin while he played some of his first Elvis songs. This wasn’t done without a purpose—much of Elvis’s first performances as an artist were similar. Regardless, you can’t imagine what it’d be like to experience something like that, especially if you’re already nervous about embodying such a role.

You wonder if today was something similar in the studio…or maybe it’s just a bad day. Not all of them can be perfect, even if Austin shows up ready to work as hard as he possibly can.

Taking a small breath in, you step back from him—you don’t have much time left on your own break before you’ll have to start taking late-night coffee orders. You’re sure he wants to spend a bit more on his own before he’s called to hair and makeup or wardrobe.

“I’ll see you later?” You offer, leaving it open just in case he wants to take the rest of the day to himself. You wouldn’t blame him, sometimes time alone is the best way to bounce back.

But Austin reaches for your wrist as you move to leave, squeezing gently, “I’ll find you.”

Giving him one last smile, you grab your cup of coffee and head out of his trailer.

--

Shooting stretches until two AM, which is not at all surprising. You end up leaving set around midnight, making a convenience run to grab a few things before making your way back to your favorite picnic bench outside the food tent. It’s a skeleton crew and luckily no one seems to bother to ask you why you’re still hanging out, walking past you with either a goodnight or no words at all.

Looking up as you hear footsteps approach, you smile when you see Austin, sliding off the table you’re sitting on to meet him halfway. He’s in his own set of clothes again but his hair is still styled to look like Elvis—the most important part, he looks a lot better than when you saw him this afternoon. Shoulders not as heavy looking, his eyes brighter,

“Hi,” Austin smiles down at you, “Fancy meetin’ you here.”

“I know,” You laugh lightly, “What a coincidence.” Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you walk with him towards his trailer. You don’t pass many people, which is comforting, before you finally make it to the destination. Austin heads up the steps first, opening the door for you to walk in.

Switching on the lights, the door closes behind you and you pause as you see that way back in the trailer…is in fact a bed. So it is true that some stars have legit places to sleep on set if they wish for late nights, naps between scenes. Though you’re not sure how that’d go—you always feel like such a zombie waking up from a nap. Can’t imagine that’s a good thing going from scene to scene.

So much for that being refreshing.

“Is that comfortable?” You ask, motioning to the bed as you put your bag down on the coffee table.

Austin looks up and in the direction of what you’re referring to, “Kinda, it has its moments when you’re really tired.”

“You gonna sleep there tonight?”

He purses his lips in thought, toeing his boots off near the couch. “Probably.”

And that…is totally not something to be thinking about right now. You shake your head as if to get rid of the imagery before clearing your throat, “I got you somethin’.”

He raises his eyebrows as you pass over the bag from the convenience store,

“Just my go-to’s when I’m feeling poorly.”

You smile, chewing on your lower lip as he pulls out a few essentials: a plastic container of Oreo’s, Ginger Ale, and mint tea.

“They didn’t have peanut butter.” Then quickly to clarify, “For the Oreo’s, I mean.”

Austin laughs softly, nodding, running his hand over the pack before smiling up at you. He reaches out to tug you close, placing a kiss on the bridge of your nose. “Thank you.”

You feel warmed from the inside out, blooming in your chest and sprouting outward. It’s not much and you’re not sure if his stomach is still upset but…you just wanted to be able to offer something to help. Sometimes a well-placed gesture is all you need.

Opening the pack of Oreo’s, he sets the bag on the coffee table to take a cookie out. Biting into it, he says, “I’ve never had Oreo’s with peanut butter before.”

You raise your eyebrows in mock outrage, “This is just unacceptable—don’t tell me you’re a cookies and milk kinda guy.”

He smiles a little guiltily—it’s cute. “You gonna take the cookies back if I say yes?”

You crinkle your nose, grabbing an Oreo for yourself. “Just please tell me you’re not a dunker.”

Austin shakes his head and well, good, at least you can work with that. Snagging a seat on the couch, you take your shoes off, crossing your legs up on the cushions. As you both eat through another sleeve of cookies, your mind wanders to this morning when you were talking with Jillian about…everything. The future, or at least what might happen when the filming of Elvis ends. You glance up at Austin, on the couch with you, one long leg folded up under himself, the other resting on the ground. His fingers hold one cookie while the other runs them along his lower lip, as if he’s in thought.

He touches his face a lot, you realize, especially when he seems to be considering something. After the emotive day he’s had, you’re not sure it’s the right time to really talk through what’s on your mind. There will be time for that.

Austin looks over at you as he takes an Oreo apart, which makes you scrunch your face a bit because you know he’s going straight for the icing. “How’s your script comin’?”

You take a soft breath into your chest, debating the words behind your teeth for a long few moments before, “Maybe end of the week you can look at it? If you’re not too busy.” No pressure, you can have Jillian read it over if he can’t.

“I’m not too busy for you.” Austin replies and he says it in such a way that has you believing it. Though, it’s a double-edged sword, you’re not quite sure how you’re going to handle him reading your script and…what if he thinks it’s absolutely awful? It’s just one opinion, sure, but you have to admit that it means a bit to you.

You shake out the nerves best you can and nod, determined, he’ll get that script by the end of the week.

Then you’ll go from there.

You stay on the couch for a while eating Oreos, easy conversation passing between the two of you. It kind of amazes you how simple it is that you can just…talk about anything. There’s topics that range from the serious (where do you see yourself in five years, who’s your biggest influence, book you could read over and over again) to the dramatic (zombie apocalypse—how fucked are you, favorite bird that you think has the biggest personality, drunk food go-to).

Another hour of time passes and it was already late to begin with, another yawn slipping past your lips,

“I think you should crash here,” Austin says, “That’s like your fifth one.”

You blink at the offer because no…while you know it’s late and he’s not wrong about you yawning a lot, the day catching up with you, you couldn’t possibly sleep here, right? On a few counts.

No…people would notice, wouldn’t they? While you like to think you blend into the background pretty easily, tomorrow would be the day for people to notice you coming out of Austin’s trailer, or in the same clothes you wore today. Way too risky, right?

And yet, for whatever reason that’s not what comes out of your mouth, “I think I got an extra pair of jeans in my car but—”

“I can grab you somethin’ from wardrobe.”

You raise your eyebrows, a scoff sneaking out. Oh really? “This couch is—”

“Let me worry about the couch, you’re takin’ the bed.”

Now you do laugh, “What you got an answer for everythin’?”

He grins, “Maybe.”

This is such a bad idea—the couch was comfortable enough to nap on when you had a migraine but getting a full night’s rest? Not even to mention, “Your legs are far too long for this thing.”

Now he’s amused, his eyes dancing warmly as he leans into your personal space. Your stomach flutters, gaze flickering down to his lips when he speaks, “You checkin’ me out Y/N?”

“You’re incorrigible.” You shake your head, gently poking at his chest.

Austin hums, “I’ve been told that’s my best quality.”

You don’t kiss him even though you really want to, a smile tugging the corners of your mouth—you realize within those few moments how much you like him, how your feelings for him are becoming more and more defined the longer you two figure this thing out together. At the same time, it’s a dangerous thing—you’re really falling for him.

You just hope it’s not too fast.

--

Once again, thanks so much for reading! I think I worked out that this series will be 10 parts total :)

Tag list:  @pearlparty, @theinvisiblecapricorn, @kittenlittle24, @andrewgarfields-girlfriend, @mirandastuckinthe80s, @nonsensical-nonce, @softlispoken, @dudinhahoff, @peterparke-r, @lottiee03, @little-diable, @therealwriter17, @bob-the-tomato, @bcofl0ve, @domaniquessidehoe, @matsbarzals, @rosequartzluvr, @callthedarknessdown, @laperceval, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @starry-night-20, @ahoyyharrington, @obsessedunicorn24, @lulu-recs, @queenotaku23, @embobemm, @milaa24, @medleyj, @myownparadise96, @butlersluvbot, @girlokwhatever, @pinkle-monade0103, @vintagebitc, @xcallmetaniax, @adoreyouusugar, @karamelcoveredolicity, @thisisntmeok, @kvcssghbjbcd, @mamaspresley, @jazmin2211

[rivusatrap]

SURRENDER

by @easilydistractedbyfanfic​

During a party in Alfea, the students get a bit too carried away and the atmosphere gets a bit too hot and Musa can feel something in the air, something pulling her towards Riven. Neither know what is happening but both are too horny to care. Could it have something to do with magic, or is it just them? Musa/Riven | Explicit |  15830 words (2 chapters)

Favorite Quote: “So what I’m hearing you say,” he pauses, draws out his enjoyment while she curls her fingers into a fist in preparation, “is that I fucked you into an upgrade.”

If you like smut, mind-fairy shenenigans, sex-polen type fics (not really but kind of), you’ll like this fic!

READ IT HERE

You know you’re in for a ride when one of the fic tags say “Magic Made Them Do It-or does it?”

I only met Jenn, the lovely author of this fic, around 10 days ago when she joined the discord server, and I already knew I was gonna like her when the first conversation we had was about kinktober.

She shared this fic saying it was her first in the FTWS fandom and I happily clicked on it. The more rivusa fics the merryer!

But what she delivered comploetely blew my expetations.

The writing in this fic is amazing, the lines are perfect, and the little details she adds with the descriptions make you envision the scenes in your head so perfectly I caught myself looking for the scene in my scene folder to make a gifset of it before I remembered it didn’t exist.

One thing to note is that Jenn puts the “underage” warning and it does make sense considering in canon they are around 16/17 years old, but in my head they are all 18+ so you can easily pretend they aren’t minors while reading the fic.

Also there is the warning for it being dubcon and I understand why she put it there because of the “magic made them do it” trope, but I didn’t feel it was dubcon at all, so I guess it depends on how much you as a reader is sensitive to.

As amazing as the first chapter was, what really did it for me was the second one, because it had a few “tropes” (idk if you’d call them tropes but we’re going with this term) that I absolutely love.

Now, if you don’t want spoilers, stop here, this is your warning.

One of these tropes is one that I feel myself thinking about way too often to be healthy and often add to my own fics, which is the fact that (NSFW) during sex Musa is unable to control her powers and ends up either linking herself to riven’s mind, making him feel her emotions as well as her his, or making her push her emotions into his mind. And this fic has it!! And it’s a detail that had me squealing while reading it. 

Some people are into pulling hair, I guess i’m into mind fucking, idk...

Anyway, another trope- which this i’m sure is not a trope- is that I’m a sucker for adding awkward conversations about intmate issues that are kind of a mood killer and unecessary to the plot but add a real detail that makes the story either really funny or really relatable. Let me explain by using this fic an an example. In chapter 2 we have the awkward conversation of Riven telling Musa that he’s clean of STDs after they have sex without protection. And also him asking her to let him know if she’s pregnant.

I’ve seen a lot of fics not have condoms in them because they’d either interrupt the flow of the smut or they couldn’t find a way to pull it out of nowhere if the characters aren’t in a bedroom or bathroom or whatever. I, for one, love adding that detail because a) lets make safe sex sexy guys!! and b) yes, it does put a break in the smut but thats good!! It drags the scene longer, makes the characters say something other than “oh!” “fuck-” and “god!” and yes, i do love a messy/funny smut and having a character fumble with the little foil package while the other is crazy horny is funny and it is a challenge for the writer to get the scene back to hot. 

With my little ted talk over, and shutting up because this post is too long already, All these little details made Jenn’s fic even more appetazing to me, personally. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea but for me it was a delicious milkshake with caramel and whipped cream.

(Help me bully Jenn into writing more chapters, please.)

[grey-sides]

I saw this post you reblogged and in the tags you said how Billy is tired from riding Tommy's dick and let's Steve know it.

Could you do a fic where Steve and Billy try to setup a three-way but Tommy is the only one available. Steve sits on the side while Billy rides Tommy and he gives Steve a similar bored look like the one in the post

This is so, so late, but here it is! I am mean to Tommy in this one, I choose to believe he likes it.

(Also for those not in the know, that gifset is from S2 when Billy's driving the Camaro, suledins grabbed it and made it look nice and pretty)

~700 words, lemon, CW for cuckolding that doesn't work and Tommy Hagan being there

Cuckolding. Steve wanted to try cockolding and apparently Billy was really into that idea. Maybe more into it before it turned out that Tommy H was pretty much the only person willing to agree to the idea. But still.

It was supposed to be fun. Steve getting to watch Billy, but not touch. Billy getting a little extra spice in his life. Something to make their relationship just that much more exciting.

But it's Tommy Hagan. Tommy Hagan who can't ever keep his eyes off Billy's ass anyway. And who can't help but try and neg Steve like Steve actually likes it.

It was probably a bad formula from the start. Steve doesn't like being forced out of his own relationship and he definitely doesn't want to capitulate to Tommy over everything.

And he had been feeling a little mean. Had hoped it would be fun to rub into Tommy's face later. Billy saw his dick and still didn't want it at the end of the day.

Instead, it's kind of going nowhere. Sure, Tommy's laid out on the bed, seemingly having a grand old time. Steve's naked in his armchair, his dick flagged a long time ago.

And Billy looks like he might just fall asleep on Tommy's lap. He'll turn every so often, look up at the artwork hanging above their bed and open his mouth. Let out a huff or a sigh or something, enough to keep egging Tommy on.

But he keeps looking at Steve. Mouth drawn tight, lips pursed together as his eyes drop to Steve's lap and his less than impressive lack of a boner. Steve wants to feel bad about it, but mostly he wants Tommy to get off his fucking bed and go home.

"That's it, baby," Billy coaxes. His voice is sugary sweet, breathless with desire as he moves. But his eyes are dead and annoyed, staring at Steve, pinning him to this armchair.

They're definitely never doing this again. Steve drops his cheek to his fist, looks over at Tommy who has his eyes squeezed shut.

"Fuck him good, Tommy," Steve adds, trying to make himself sound as enthused as Billy seems to be able to do. "Make him see stars."

Billy laughs, shakes his head and his impressive mane of hair back. He looks up at the ceiling again, curls his fingers around his cock. He's ready to be done.

He squeezes down around Tommy a little more, glancing down at him. "Come on, Tommy, show me what Carol's always gushing about."

Tommy's eyes fly open and he snarls at Billy. "Leave her out of this!"

"Baby's got bark," Billy says, looking unimpressed. Tommy and Carol are on the rocks again, it's probably the only reason he's allowed to be here.

"Get the fuck off me, bitch," Tommy snaps. He shakes his head and shoves at Billy, wiggling out from underneath him.

Steve chuckles under his breath as Tommy gets out of the bed, taking off the condom and tossing it into the trashcan. It seems like no one is having a good time at this point.

Billy lays back on the bed, stroking his cock as he watches Tommy. He doesn't want to fight him to get back in bed, but he does want to know if he can get Steve to get it up again.

"See ya later, Tommy," Steve says when he gets dressed. Tommy flips him off as he heads to the door, slamming it behind him. Their front door slams a moment later.

Steve snorts, shaking his head. He looks at Billy and spreads his legs, really leaning into the armchair now.

"I always did like your solo work more," Steve says.

Billy bites his lip, arches his hips into his hand and begins to work himself up for real this time. He keeps his eyes locked on Steve sitting across from him and getting steadily aroused himself. This time, though, his eyes are alive and dangerous.

[smurphyse]

Hey friends! I'm turning 25 on the 29th of June, and I wanna celebrate with y'all!

What's the Challenge?

Well, it's fairly simple... I want you guys to create either a oneshot, OC, moodboard, gifset, series, art, really anything based on the prompts below for fandoms, original work, anything! I'll take the time to read through them all and like, comment, and share each one!

You can pick an existing series, character, oneshot, OC, etc to create these for! I just wanna see what you guys create, and I'd personally love it if you wanted to make anything based on my own Masterlist (a little gift for me and I'd honestly DIE)!

Tag everything for this as Smurph's Birthday Challenge so I can keep track of it!!! and tag me too if you like @smurphyse

When does the Challenge end?

July 29th! One month from my birthday, and even though I will share, like, and comment on each one, I am going to declare my favorite <3 :)

Smurph, what are the Prompts?

Pick from as many of the categories below as you like! These are just my favorites, but feel free to pick some of your own or just GO WILD and do what you want!

Category 1: Song Lyrics/Titles

Miserable Man by David Kushner

Moonlight by Future Islands

This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory

Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartland

Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil

Loving You Is Lonely by Harmony Byrne

Wolves Still Cry by Lawrence Rothman

Romance by Ex:Re

still feel. by half-alive

Talia by King Princess

Dreaming of You by Selena

This is Heaven by Nick Jonas

Sexy Weekend by Scoundrels

Mansard Roof by Vampire Weekend

Everything Now by Arcade Fire

Category 2: Dialogue Prompts

"But did they experience pain? Did they know they were going to die?"

"I will knock you on your ass if you even THINK about it!"

"He was gonna hurt you..."

"Get on your knees and show me."

"I love you. I'm still gonna kill you, but man am I gonna feel bad about it!"

"I don't think I'm doing this right."

"What the fuck-? Oh... OH."

"When I picture myself growing old... it's always with you."

"Who's gonna let you?" "Who's gonna stop me?"

"How long have you been standing there?" "Longer than you like."

"When this is all over, I want my sanity back."

"Hah! You owe me ten whole dollars!!"

Category 3: Naughty Prompts

Doggy style

Reverse Cowgirl

Cum stuffing

Consensual Non Consent

Free use

Cum play

Blood Play

Shower Sex

Anal sex

Plugs! (any kind, but oh boy do I wanna see some vaginal plugs)

Pet play

Collars

Knife play

Bondage

Shibari

Suspension

Edging

Overstimulation

Double Penetration (or multiple penetration!)

Kidnap!kink

Fisting

Pillow humping

Thigh riding

Boot licking

Choking

Breath play

Deepthroating

Risky texts/sexts

Public sex

Voyeurism

Mutual masturbation

Cock warming

Watching porn together <3

Somnophilia

Spitting

Forced kisses

Clit slapping

Forced orgasms

Breeding Kink

Bruise Kink

Size Kink

Pick anything you want from any category, or just create something on your own for the Challenge/Celebration! I'd love to see what you guys come up with and I can't wait to see!

Happy birthday to me! - Smurph <3

Don't forget, tag it as Smurph's Birthday Challenge!

[scuttling]

In Those Jeans

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 2,599 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Blow jobs, Thigh riding, Car sex, Unprotected sex, Semi-public sex Summary: After almost two years of dating, you and Aaron still can't keep your eyes—or hands—off of each other, even at a company picnic; but who could blame you, when he looks like that? *Inspired by this gifset I think we all reblogged last night. I'm feral for Hotch in jeans. 🤤 Link to AO3 or read below! As Aaron’s girlfriend of almost two years, there have been countless times when you’ve gotten to see the rarer sides of his personality, things he doesn’t show at work, or at least not often.

You’ve seen his silly side with Jack when he builds pillow forts, plays tag in the backyard, makes messes in the kitchen. You’ve seen his sweet side when he gives you a back rub just because, makes your favorite dinner when you’ve had a stressful week, when he’s there to talk or just cuddle after appointments with your therapist, which he knows can bring your mood down a little.

You’ve seen him tender, romantic, playful, emotional, loving and caring and capable, but nothing compares to the hidden knowledge you have of one aspect of his personality: your man is horny as hell, and also kind of a freak.

At work, of course, he is the epitome of stoic, expressionless, buttoned-up suit, but a little flash of panty, or a sultry look, or even a well-timed innuendo is enough to have you knees up in the backseat of a government-owned SUV before the rest of your team even leaves the parking garage.

You silently thank god for tinted windows; you not-so-silently thank god for Aaron.

It’s amazing, because you are the same way, half turned-on at any given time of the day, catapulted to full on horny mess depending on the look on his face, the outfit he’s wearing, whether or not he calls you by your last name—before you were dating, you longed to hear him say your first name, but now it’s the impersonal bark of your surname that really gets you going.

Because you share the same predisposition for being down to fuck most of the time, all it takes is a raised eyebrow or a sway of the hips to signal you’re in the mood for something to happen, and if it’s physically feasible and won’t get you arrested, you usually follow through.

It’s how you end up getting absolutely wrecked in the back of the SUV at an FBI family picnic event—you don’t feel great about it, but it is what it is, and it all started with a pair of jeans. Aaron is hot. There’s no doubt about it, and it’s not up for debate. He doesn’t see it, but that just makes him hotter; if other people don’t see it, that just makes them stupid. You see it, though, everyday, in the smallest of ways, can’t stop seeing it. When he gets ready for the picnic, throws on a soft, worn t-shirt and a pair of jeans that fit him so well it’s almost criminal, you make a noise in the back of your throat, and Aaron grins.

“What’s happening over there?” he asks as you sit on the edge of the bed, hooking the strap of your sandal over your heel. You exhale, scowl.

“I think you know very well what’s happening.” He chooses a belt from the back of the door, slides it through the loops on the jeans, and your mouth waters. “Fuck, Aaron.”

“No time for that,” he says, looking up at you through his stupidly dark eyelashes, and he clasps the buckle, smooths his hands down his thighs. You’re going to be soaked before you even leave the house.

“I beg to differ.” You stand from the bed, twirl a little in a blue sundress you know Aaron won’t be able to resist for long. Two can play at this game: if he wants to watch you slowly lose your composure in public, you’re sure as hell not going to make it easy.

“Ugh. Love those little dresses,” he murmurs, stepping toward you, but you shake your head and wag a finger at him.

“Nope, no time for that,” you say, but you giggle when he narrows his eyes and stalks closer anyway.

He tackles you, tosses you back on the bed, kisses your mouth and neck, then whispers dirty things into your ear and rubs you through your panties until you come so loud it could wake the dead. You undo that stupid belt, tug his jeans down just enough to free his cock, toss your hair over your shoulder, and blow him like you’re being graded on it—if that were the case, you’d be getting extra credit for technique, no doubt about it.

You leave a little later than intended, and you know you just made a huge mistake, because getting him out of those jeans again is going to be all you can think about for the rest of the day; you’re not certain what’s going through his head, but you know for a fact he’s thinking pretty much the same thing.

Even though you’re both bummed that it’s Jack’s weekend with Haley and he's missing the picnic, you have to admit it’s kind of good timing, because you don’t let yourself get distracted when he is with you, but Aaron is looking so damn distracting today. You sit at a picnic table with JJ and Garcia, drinking iced tea and watching Will and Aaron play catch with Henry and a couple other kids. You’d say this is just a tactic, because seeing Aaron interact with kids always gives you baby (and babymaking) fever, but you know deep down he just loves children, and that makes your heart warm more than anything.

When he lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face? Now that’s a tactic, and a damn good one. You can’t hold back your whimper, and your friends take one look at you and share an amused glance.

“It’s a family picnic,” JJ says, scolding and teasing all at once. “Keep it in your pants.”

“It’s his pants you need to be worried about,” you mutter, and you fan yourself with your hand to try to bring yourself down a notch. That, of course, does not work, so you sigh, stand from the table, pour a cup of lemonade, and give them a wink before walking over to Aaron’s side. You get his attention with an innocent look, hand over the lemonade with a sweet smile.

“You look hot. And thirsty,” you tell him, and he smiles, tips his head back, and drinks it all in one gulp. You watch him swallow, squeeze your thighs together.

“So do you,” he says with a hint of a smirk, handing back the cup, and he leans in to whisper in your ear. “Thanks for the lemonade; now let me watch you walk away.” You pull back, lick your lips slowly and turn around, throwing him a look over your shoulder as you make your way back to the picnic table. Emily and Derek are there now too, and Emily laughs when you take your seat.

“Two years in and you still look at each other like that? Please tell me your secret,” she says with a grin, taking a sip of her iced tea.

“Tons of quality orgasms,” you answer with a fond sigh, tucking your chin in the palm of your hand and watching Aaron cross the lot. There’s something so powerful about his stride that it makes you horny just to watch him walk; your downstairs brain is so stupid. “He also makes really good jalapeno mac and cheese.” The answer to your question, when am I going to get fucked by my gorgeous boyfriend?, will be answered shortly, you’re fairly certain; you have a good feeling, because you’re talking to an agent that works on the floor above yours, and the strap of your dress has fallen down your shoulder, and he keeps glancing at it. You’d fix it, but that would only draw more attention to it, and you can already feel Aaron looking at you.

He doesn’t get jealous often, but get him in the right mood and his dumb caveman instincts switch from fight or flight to fight or fuck pretty quickly; when he heads your way with swift, purposeful steps, you’re pretty sure you know which one has been activated today.

“Hey. Time to go,” he says, looking over your face; he turns to nod at the guy you’re talking to, then very slowly hooks his finger in the strap of your dress and slides it back into place, making eye contact with you while he does it. You don’t know why that makes you so goddamn hot, but your breathing picks up and you bite your lip, take his hand when he offers it.

You don’t say goodbye to anyone, just follow him quickly to the car and climb into the backseat when he opens the door. The second he closes it behind him, his mouth is on yours, and you fist your fingers in his t-shirt, hitch a leg over his hip, and pull him closer.

“I want you, I need you,” you breathe into the kiss, and he slides one hand around your back, uses the other to push up your dress and grab a palmful of your ass.

“I know, baby. God, I want you. You look fucking perfect in that dress; I want to tear it off.” It’s sort of expensive, and pretty, but fuck, you’re going to let him. He shifts so his back is against the seat, pulls you into his lap, and you moan when he presses you right on top of his cock, hard and bulging against the seam of his jeans. “Feel what you do to me, when you’re looking like a goddamn angel and other men can’t take their eyes off of you?” You tug on his hair, kiss him roughly, move your hands to his belt, but he stops you with gentle fingers. “First I want you to ride my thigh. You’ve been staring at them all day; do you want to?”

“Fuck, absolutely,” you whine, and he puts his hands on your hips, shifts you so your knees are on either side of his perfect, firm, denim clad thigh and encourages you to grind against it. You don’t need much encouragement, but he eases down one of the straps of your dress and maneuvers it so that he can bare your breast, get his lips around your nipple while you work to get yourself off. “Oh, god yeah.”

You plant your hands on his shoulders, dig your nails in through the soft fabric, and slide against him like a needy, horny teenager. You’re wet, and he’s undoubtedly going to be wet too by the time you’re done with him, leg soaked with your come—god, that’s a hot prospect. Both of you are panting, not from exertion but arousal, and you move a hand to the back of his head, grip his hair in your fingers while he sucks and softly bites your nipple. When he pulls back, his lips are wet, and you capture them in a kiss.

“Yeah, you’re doing so good, keep going. Keep humping, baby, come on me.” He gets a hand in your hair, kisses your neck, and you cling to him for dear life, broad back and shoulders beneath your hands as you work your hips desperately in pursuit of your orgasm. “So fucking perfect, come on me,” he mutters against your throat, and you hug him close, absolutely lose it as your climax makes your body tense from shoulders to toes.

You moan in his ear like an absolute slut—if you are one, he’s made you that way, so it’s only fair—and he kisses your mouth, deep, rough, wet kisses that ensure your desire does not dip in the slightest. You feel dirty and incredible, but no more relieved or satisfied than you were ten minutes ago.

A little bit of Aaron is never enough; no amount of Aaron is ever enough.

He makes sure you can hold yourself up and then takes his hands off of you, opens his belt and his pants and pushes them down his thighs far enough that you’ll be comfortable. You slide off of his leg to slip your panties off—they’re useless at this point anyway—and he gets his hands on your hips and puts you in his lap, holds you up so you can line his cock up with your entrance and let him press inside.

“Mmh, fuck, Aaron,” you gasp, and with the way he looks at you, eyes dark and serious and possessive, you know this will be quick for the both of you. You wrap one hand around his bicep, press back against his knee with the other; he slides his hands up to your waist, dragging the skirt of your dress up with him so he can watch himself disappear inside you, which is ten different kinds of sexy.

“Thinking about this all day—burying my cock inside your sweet, tight pussy, coming deep inside you. Do you like it, getting fucked here because I want you so bad I can’t stand to wait?” Even though you know you shouldn’t, you do, and you nod, moan yes when he fucks up inside you, strong thighs flexing. “Me too, love it, love you.”

“Love you,” you murmur while you bounce in his lap, eyes on his, tongue slipping over your lips while you snap your hips against his thrusts. “Gonna milk your cock, take every last drop; greedy for it.” Aaron groans, tightens his hands on your waist, and you clench around him when he comes, riding him fast and thorough; you follow quickly, leaning forward to rest your head against his shoulder while you shudder through the pleasure.

His hands are gentle after, smoothing up your back, around your neck, and he pulls you closer for a soft, sweet, passionate kiss. When it breaks, you smile against each other's lips.

“Tease,” you whisper, smoothing your hands over his throat, his jaw. “New unwritten rule: if you wear those jeans in public, I get as much sex as I want for the rest of the night.” He chuckles, but ultimately nods.

“Deal. New unwritten rule: when we’re out in public and someone is looking at you like that guy was looking at you, I have permission to throw you over my shoulder and take you home and remind you why it is that you belong with me.” You pull him close for a hard kiss and grin.

“Deal, caveman. So what do you want to do now?” He wrinkles his nose in contemplation, straightens up the top half of your dress.

“I think I want to go home and tear this off of you as previously mentioned,” he says; you bite your lip and nod. “What do you want to do?”

That’s a loaded question, but at the moment, only one thing really comes to mind.

“Fuck me wearing these clothes again; I don’t care where or how, you can surprise me.”

Aaron is, unsurprisingly, on board with that plan; you slip off of him, smooth out your dress, and he pulls his pants up—they are still very wet from your first orgasm, and you rub the spot with the edge of your dress to no avail.

“Don’t get pulled over, Agent,” you joke, because that would be both very hard and very easy to explain, and he groans like you’ve just done something very sexy.

“Love it when you call me Agent,” he says, pulling you in for a kiss, and you plan some super hot roleplay for later and hop out of the car so you can climb into the front seat like the fully-functioning, non-horny adult that you are.

Taglist ❤️: @thaddeusly @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul @ssamorganhotchner @heliotropehotch @angelhotchner @qtip-blog @gspenc @wishuhadstayed @averyhotchner

[spencers-renaissance]

can't un-sing a song that's sung.

Summary: The worst thing about it is that Derek isn’t even surprised when he gets the call.

Tags: drug use, overdose, hurt/comfort, guilty derek & hotch, angst with a hopeful ending, bedside vigils, protective derek & hotch NO MCD

Pairing: Gen (Platonic Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid; Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid)

Word Count: 1.8k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

Major TWs, obviously. I'm just so angry that no-one did anything about Spencer's addiction in season two, so I decided to punish Derek and Hotch by having the (almost) worst-case scenario come to fruition. Fic inspired by this gifset & title from this poem (v short but v poignant) Fills the 'Overdose' square on my Bad Things Happen Bingo card.

The worst thing about it is that Derek isn’t even surprised when he gets the call.

His heart sinks, of course, and his stomach feels like it bottoms out. His chest tightens and he struggles to breathe for a minute and a half, his hands clamming up as his tongue freezes and he can’t find the words to respond to Hotch over the phone. But he isn’t surprised. And that, when it really and truly comes down to it, is exactly where his sins lie.

He races as quickly as he can to the hospital, not obeying the traffic laws by any stretch of the imagination as his hands grip so tightly at the steering wheel that his knuckles turn white and the pattern of the leather; the seams where it's sewn imprint themselves on his palm. His heart pounds rapidly and it’s all he can hear, blood thudding in his ears as the tight knot of anxiety sits heavy in his stomach.

He’s just pulling into the hospital car park when he realises that the last time he felt like this — God, the last time he felt like this was when he first realised Spencer was missing all those months ago. He heaves a dry sob as he abandons his car in a space he hopes is the right one, and slams his palm down hard on the steering wheel once.

He allows himself one more guilt-ridden, heartbroken sob before he forces himself to calm down, doing his best to ignore the tumultuous emotions raging inside him as he shuts the car door behind him and hurries towards the entrance.

It’s hard not to cry when he first locks eyes on Hotch. Seeing his calm, stoic supervisor in a state of utter disarray — red-rimmed eyes, messed up hair, ruffled clothes — somehow makes this all seem a bit too real. Maybe in the car ride over he’d still clung to a small, pathetic bit of hope that this is all a nightmare, that he’ll wake up in a minute and he’ll drive to work and Spencer will already be at his desk, beavering away.

In the harsh lights and bustling noise of the hospital corridor, he knows that’s not going to happen.

They don’t say anything as they stare at one another, both clearly struggling to bite back the raw emotion threatening to spill from their eyes, to unleash itself in a full blown meltdown. Eventually, Hotch sits back down and buries his face in his hands, and Derek joins him on the little two-seater bench.

He doesn’t claim to know much about hospitals or medical care in general, but he knows for damn sure that waiting on a bench outside the ICU is not good, and he’s doing everything in his power to not think about that too hard.

They’ve been sat in stony silence for countless minutes before Derek finally lifts his head, though he still can’t bring himself to look at Hotch again. “Have you called the others?”

Hotch swallows, and Derek can see the tear-tracks trailing down the side of his face out of the corner of his eye. He pretends not to notice them.

“No,” he says, voice unsettlingly shaky. “Only you.”

He decides now is not the time to dwell on that. “Is he— is he going to lose his job?”

The only reason none of them had done anything sooner was because they knew how important this job is to Spencer. And Derek hates with a burning, roaring passion that their hesitation; their cowardly delay, might have cost him his life instead. Just the thought brings another choked sob from his lips, and this time the tears come with it. Before he knows it, his shoulders are shaking violently and all the emotions Derek is struggling to name finally come pouring out, right into Hotch’s lap.

He feels an arm wrap around him and he’s too broken not to lean into it, seeking comfort from the one person in the entire world who can offer it right now. Falling apart in his superior’s arms is not how he saw his Thursday evening going, but he’s too exhausted to care.

By the time he finally pulls away, Hotch is crying too, and they sit a little closer on the bench.

“Spencer won’t lose his job,” he says determinedly, looking Derek in the eyes. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

Derek knows that they will have to lie. Papers will be forged and Hotch will be backed into an impossible corner, and he knows that they could lose their jobs if they are ever found out. He doesn’t fucking care. They’ve already failed Spencer in a disgusting, immeasurable, utterly unforgivable way, and he’ll be damned if they ever do that again.

“Good,” he says, and that’s the end of that.

Derek doesn’t understand most of what the doctor tells them, but he doesn’t really care that much for the technicalities anyway. All he cares about is that Spencer had overdosed in the parking garage of his building and was found by a neighbour he doesn’t even know that well. He cares that a damn near stranger was there for Spencer when he wasn’t, and he cares that Hotch was called as his emergency contact, and as such, Derek can finally step up. He can walk into his room and hold his hand and tell him that he’s here now, and he’s not leaving again.

He cares that Spencer is going to be okay.

He’s still asleep when they’re finally allowed to take their seats by his bedside, and Derek tries very hard not to cry at the sight of him, but it isn’t easy. There’s still a bluish tint to his fingernails, and he looks pale and clammy under the oxygen mask. Medicine drips slowly into the line connected to the cannula in the crook of his elbow, and the heart rate echoing out from the monitors is still alarmingly quick.

The evidence of Derek’s failings is staring him right in the face, and it’s hard not to turn away, but he refuses to let himself. He has a lot to make up to Spencer, but he can damn well start by sitting with him here in his darkest hour.

“We all knew.”

Derek looks up from Spencer’s hand to meet Hotch’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“We all knew, and we didn’t do anything about it.” The guilt in Hotch’s voice is momentous enough to rival Derek’s own, and it hurts to hear. Derek failed Spencer as a colleague and a friend-maybe-something-more, but Hotch failed him as a father figure.

He feels tears well up in his eyes again and he does his best to swallow them back down. “Emily did.”

A violent sob tears itself out of Hotch’s lungs, and it’s so loud that Derek almost flinches. “And isn’t that just so much worse? She barely knows him! I met him at lunch with Gideon when he was nineteen, I’ve known him for seven years! Before all of this went down, he almost called me ‘dad’. And I sat back and watched him suffer with both the PTSD of being kidnapped and the fucking heroin addiction he developed because of that bastard, and I did nothing!”

Derek’s at a loss as he watches Hotch break down in front of him, his voice breaking as he shouts, tears streaming down his face as he dissolves into sobs.

“He’s never gonna forgive me. Nor should he. I can’t stand myself right now.”

A little uncertain of the right thing to do, Derek stands up and crosses to the other side of the bed and wraps his arms around Hotch like he did for him only hours earlier. “We all fucked up,” he agrees, “but we’ll get through this. We might never forgive ourselves, but we can always do better. We can do right by Spencer as he recovers, we can help him get clean, help him keep his job, remind him of how loved he is. We can’t abandon that duty just because we failed at doing it before.”

Hotch sits back up and wipes at his eyes furiously, casting his eyes on Spencer. He reaches a hand out and brushes it through his short but untamed curls tenderly, his thumb caressing his eyebrow and forehead gently.

“I know,” he says quietly. “I won’t fail him again.”

Both Derek and Hotch spring into action as soon as Spencer stirs, waking up slowly through the layers of sleep until he’s staring at both of them with a look of terrified uncomprehension in his eyes.

“Hey,” Hotch says softly, hand moving to cup the side of his face. “You’re alright, you’re safe. You’re in the hospital with me and Derek, and everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Spencer slowly looks around the room as the realisation of what’s going on slowly dawns on him, and soon the anxiety is replaced with abject horror and to Derek’s dismay, he immediately starts to cry.

“Hey, hey, pretty boy,” he murmurs as soothingly as he can, following Hotch’s suit and tangling his fingers in Spencer’s hair. “Don’t worry about anything right now, okay? Hotch and I are gonna fix everything right up, and we’re gonna help you. We’re gonna help you like we should’ve helped you before.”

He hates that he loses his composure slightly at the end, but Spencer relaxes slightly so he takes it as a win.

“You can go back to sleep now, Spencer,” Hotch says gently, spotting the signs of exhaustion easily. “We’re gonna stay right here with you, okay? We’ll be here when you wake up.”

When he does finally awaken again, he explains through tears and strangled breaths that he didn’t mean to, that he wasn’t trying to die, he was just so tired and in so much pain that he hadn’t calculated the dosage right.

Hotch and Derek calmly explain that they’re not judging him, and that they’re going to help him through the hospital’s rehab program. Spencer refuses their apologies but they repeat them anyway, trying not to show just how much they hate themselves as they do.

They rope Penelope in, and she helps them make sure Spencer keeps his job, but otherwise their team is entirely oblivious to their chaotic and regret-filled Saturday night spent in George Washington University Hospital.

Most of all, though, Derek does absolutely everything in his power to make sure Spencer is happy, no matter how torn-up and scarred he might feel when he goes home to his own apartment. It isn’t much compared to his property business and his coveted role at the FBI’s behavioural analysis unit, but to Derek it’s his most important and worthy mission in life.

And if that spirals into something more, well. Maybe that’s just one good thing to come out of that small, stuffy, heartbreak-riddled ICU room.

taglist: @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @temily @enbyspencer @reidology @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @tobias-hankel @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @physics-magic @sbeno22 @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids (add yourself to my taglist via this form!!)

[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon Here!

Firstly, never change Grumpy ;) you are probably the only person on Tumblr to LISTEN to another view and let it change a prejudice.

Secondly, the Padagram/Social Media change bus continues. Don't be fooled people will be looking at positive and negative reactions to that change on social media.

So here goes!

1. They are starting to market season 2 of Walker in Hiatus. That really doesn't happen. That means they know they need to target new viewers. They are acknowledging they have a problem. The main problem is Jared either didn't learn enough about production quality on SPN (Jensen/Misha were both more interested in behind the camera's) or that he thought he could stick a Stetson on and we all had such sh1t for brains we'd watch anything. So they need a viewer boost DESPARATELY and are going all out to (a) persuade Walkers remaining viewer(s) that it's worth sticking around and (b) get back old viewers or convert 1m+ viewers to season 2. So now we see all the cast (and Keegan has more followers than Jared and Lindsay has a VERY engaged following) trying to persuade their followers how fabulous Walker is. Expect this scrabbling to continue if they want their COVID paychecks.

2. Connected to 1, Jared has started trying to break out of the fandom bubble. I don't think he's trying for power couple (the clue in a power couple is that two FAMOUS people get together and create a super brand, here we have one niche C famous guy and a hanger on wife), I think we are in Jared profile raising and trying to raise his recognition score, which is probably a little low having half assed it in the last year and a half. He's doing it by scatter-gunning so I'm not sure it's going to stick.

3. Connected to 2,

(i) if I run my algorithm clean laptop with a "Jared Padalecki" news search, I get (a) a daily mail article on Jared "clarifying the rift" (b) a "hello" magazine saying he's been "inundated with support after death of "family member"" (c) the new york times article on Walker and Supernatural. It then goes into a variety of articles about Jared raising money for Holly's family (fucking atrocious in my view to use her death for publicity) and a series of derivative articles on his mantrum and later explanation. ONLY THE NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE MENTIONS WALKER other than as a throw away, all of the others link to Supernatural only. Walker isn't on the main radar of anyone as a show. It's not mainstream enough to mention. it has ZERO buzz.

(ii) if I run the same search on my compromised tablet, I get a SEA of fluff articles "jared padalecki goes to venice", "jared padalecki's wife wishes him a happy birthday" "jared padalecki goes to watch soccer" "jared padalecki goes to the wrestling". I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow.

At the end of that I get the same articles as in (i) but the majority of his publicity is still going through the fandom and the, not very viewed, endless zine type websites that update on every episode of every geek show every day.

So we are seeing, and I expect it to continue, a break out Padalecki, (who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films), and a fluff Padalecki, trying to stay relevant a year after SPN relevance ended, because he hasn't got the same push for season 2 of Walker as he had for season 1 and Walker has zero presence. No one, not even the fans are talking about Walker.

Will it work? I don't think so. Keegan has 7m followers on Insta and that's because he's a photographer and writer and it's interesting. I would follow his account (I don't), but certainly it isn't a Walker instagram.

Jared is a clever guy, but he's boring on social media. He has a limited appeal. He does family snaps, hunk snaps, flogs orange pee and flogs his show. He says "family" and "mantra" a lot but that's really it. The clue is, if you didn't know who he was and came across his instagram you wouldn't follow him. Why would you? For a video of a guy running up steps? A smug picture of two middle aged men trying to flog you something?... (oh and lots of "brother" comments on Keegan's social media, which is irritating. It's like he thinks that is his repeatable formula and it isn't).

His media approach won't work because advertising and exposure pushes a product. In TV's case, it's not a one off product and there is a lot of competition. Product Jared needs to be more interesting (his mantrum's are the only exciting thing about him - and that is tragic) and his TV show just needs to be BETTER, well, a LOT BETTER.

Soooo, expect the Padapush to continue, but it's not about a couple, it's about individual marketing and for Jared breaking out of SPN bubble. For Gen, it's her tag along profile that she'll never break out of. She'll have to be satisfied with her superpower of being able to persuade people to buy toothbrush's and dog food (if she can).

Expect though the couple's bit to die off a little. Jared is getting over exposed. His engagement rating is plummeting (nearly 3% is a plummet) because of the repetitive photo content. He'll have to back off or people will switch off (I have already). What makes me laugh is.... from the dawn of time when cavemen took their wives 2 miles away for a new cave weekend.... NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOLIDAY SNAPS.... Gen and Jared apparently need to learn that lesson...

I might stop these posts now because, well, it's gotta be a bit boring for you and I write LONG. :)

Stay safe and wear your masks ;) xxx

I don’t want you to ever ever change, lovely! Also, I’m NEVER bored by your messages! You put so much effort into the research you do and the messages you send and it’s appreciated! <3 

I started following Lindsey on IG because she seems pretty genuine, and her cat is way too cute! Plus, I like her attitude. I haven’t followed her for the whole Walker season, but even she doesn’t post a lot about it. She posts interviews and then posts about that night’s episode, but other than that, nothing.  Can’t speak for Keegan, but how are fans and non-fans supposed to be excited about a show when the people STARRING in the show can’t be bothered? Maybe they’re all aware of how shitty it is or maybe they’re lazy, but it doesn’t make sense. 

I’m always interested to see the difference in an “algorithm-free” setting and one that has an algorithm. I always figured Google was the same for everyone, but seeing the difference in articles you’ve outlined is insane. It really just goes to show that Jared isn’t the star that his stans think he is. He’s not as important as they think he is, he’s just an actor.  It’s even more jarring to see just how little Walker is talked about at all. All of my devices probably have been “contaminated” when it comes to algorithm so I can’t really speak personally about the public and fans talking about Walker or not talking about it. I can say that on the posts about Walker from the Supernatural Facebook page, a good chunk of the comments are people saying they stopped watching, never got into it, or thought it was trash. There are only a handful of comments talking about how they enjoy the show. 

I think it was disgusting for him to use a fan’s passing for publicity. And no, I don’t think it was anything other than a PR stunt. Her family had a GFM going that was promoted by plenty of the case INCLUDING GEN, so you know he knew about it. But for him to make his own special one and then have articles posted everywhere about how charitable he is? That’s gross PR bullshit and I hope it backfires. 

I still follow a few Supernatural fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, etc. on Tumblr and even they aren’t mentioning it. I think maybe the hardcore Jared stans post gifsets or whatever, but I don’t see much praise for the show itself, just Jared’s looks. Even the fans aren’t biting and that would make me reevaluate everything if I was Jared. 

I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow. This made me laugh way too hard!

who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films You are on a ROLL!  Maybe I’ve become biased, but I can’t see Jared doing films. I mean, I could see him doing like a side character role or something small, but I can’t see him having a big part of a movie. Like I said, maybe that’s me being biased but I see him staying in TV. I could be proven wrong, but I don’t know. 

I agree about Jared being boring on SM. I used to get some giggles from his Twitter posts and even some of his early IG posts because they were goofy, clever, and candid. It showed his humor and was more personable. Now it’s just all fake and comes off as someone whose only motivation to engage with fans is money and that’s a big turn off. 

For me personally, I think that if instead of the “couple goals” bullshit that they try to push for their lavish trips, if they just posted cool pictures they took of different locations, activities, food or whatever, that would be more palatable than all the “Look at my hubster and I! We’re in Italy! Look at how in love we are!” But maybe that’s because I’ve become a bit of a photography nerd? 

I guess time will tell whether or not Jared will make positive changes and if Walker can be saved, but I’m not really optimistic about it. 

I AM optimistic about your takes on things so keep them coming! Long posts or not, I love them! <3