#how the fuck are you going to play a game Designed To Educate Children and complain that you aren't being allowed to Just Have Fun.

[cannibalisticskittles]

this review. is for the fucking oregon trail.

[ghost-bison]

1x12 episode of doctor who "bad wolf" is such an interesting episode, i just realized. not just because it's fun and fast-paced or because there's suspense, but also because, think of the actual plot of the episode.

the human race of 200 000 years into our future is forced to take part in games that were already in session in the 21st century.

we have big brother - a reality show which has the same name as the oppressive force that dictates your life and watches everything you're doing, violating your privacy, drawn from a dystopian book written to criticize this exact kind of behaviour. and what did capitalism do with it? a reality show. where people stand behind a screen, stalking on and dissecting your life. the participants are forced into reshaping their personality into what the audience (society) wants it to be. if they lose this game, they lose society's approval and that means they lose their sense of self. which ironically is what 1984 by george orwell criticizes.

then we have the weakest link - interesting choice yet again, because it's not the only television game show out there right? but that's the one they chose because its name tells you all you need to know: your ability (or lack thereof) to answer questions about specific topics, oftentime topics that aren't necessarily academic or even interesting (who cares about what year katy perry released her debut album or how many children this actor has, honestly?) to measure your intelligence. richard feynman said "never confuse education with intelligence, you can have a phd and still be an idiot". people who take part in tv game shows aren't chosen because they're geniuses, simply because it is not designed to be understood or played by a genius: it's made to entertain regular people and make them feel good about themselves, so that they don't try to be smart. it normalizes bullying and prevents you from using critical thinking by making you believe trivia equals intelligence, and if you don't have it, then you are, literally, the weakest link.

finally, we have what not to wear: a reality show where contestants (mostly women) are selected by people they know - as in, friends or family who call them out for their unfashionable dressing style, which is already fucked up as it is - and are videotaped and followed around for two weeks as they go from store to store to get a makeover. their taste is exposed by the camera crew, exposing them to bullying and more generally to criticism from anyone watching the show.

the episode explores those games 200 000 years in the future, where people are selected against their will, and moreover, the stakes of the games are now their own life. you lose, you die. Life is now nothing more than a bet, or russian roulette. which is... kind of how life works, actually: a game of pretense, you never know when it could stop. it's mostly not up to you, your only options are to give up and die, or go on and pray for it to work out. and if you don't fit into the mold, it just takes the decision away from you because life is unliveable when you don't fit in.

there are a few interesting ties between this episode and 1x07 the long game (and when you think about it, even the title was a clue as to what would come next), and it's not just the fact that they're both set on satellite 5, with 1x12 happening 100 years after: it's the consequences of the doctor's actions, and adam mitchell.

so in 1x07, the doctor thwarted the editor's and the jagrafess' plan and put an end to the hidden dictatorship. which was very similar to the one in 1x12, wasn't it? rewarding people who play along so they won't question the system.

there is, however, the additional touch of terror in 1x12 which, in 1x07, is only revealed to those who try and go against it, like poor suki who got turned into an icicle soon as she got to floor 500.

upon returning to satellite 5, just 100 years into the future, the doctor finds out that what he did actually put a halt to humanity's evolution, as the radio signals stopped emitting and humanity found itself isolated from the rest of the universe, but this time with no one to lead them. the reason being this: the doctor never stays.

the doctor is, himself, without command. but what differentiates him from the humans, though, is that... well... he is not human. isolation was imposed on him after he lost his entire species, the only ones who could truly understand him.

and while he travels with a human at his side, he is always very careful of whom he chooses to share his lifestyle with: the doctor doesn't abide by the rules, but neither does jack. and rose, although not as openly rebellious as the other two, questions those rules. what's more, she's curious and has a deep need for more than her regular life. but there is no hidden motive behind that curiosity, she is doing it for herself.

which leads us to adam mitchell, the wannabe companion of 1x07: technically a genius, adam manages to hop onboard the tardis after the doctor realizes that, maybe, adam is just like himself. a belief that is quickly debunked in the outcome of the episode, after adam prioritizes capital over his growing relationship with rose and hers and the doctor’s trust, risking breaking fixed points in time just to make money and gain fame and recognition, something the doctor is fundamentally against.

adam is academically smart, but what is it if not fatally dangerous when it is not met with common sense? I think it’s why the doctor left him with the chip in his head. he said it: adam would have to lead a very quiet life in order not to end up getting dissected. it’s not just a petty punishment or consequence for his actions, as i used to think it was, but a security, because adam’s intelligence is corrupted by modern day society and without retrains, it could have devastating consequences.

thus, the doctor calls himself the doctor because he wants to help people, yet he doesn’t have a degree to “earn” that title. it just means healer, and that's what he tries to be. as we learned in series 6, he is probably the reason this word even exists in the first place.

in 3x01 smith and jones, martha refuses to call him doctor as, for her, you need to earn that title. this probably influenced his decision to bring her along, not just because she met his criteria for a companion, but to prove her wrong and broaden her mind.

he wants to make her understand that theory isn't enough to become something so important. he understands that true intelligence comes from experience and what you choose to remember from said experience, like wisdom and compassion. he isn’t much into theory, because he learns by being curious: what makes people tick, what they like and don’t like, and in the process, he learns about himself, who he wants and doesn’t want around him.

in 1x12, the doctor knows the disintegrator bim won't be used on him because he is not afraid of difference; he is profoundly aware of his own difference, and therefore, he isn't compatible with the game.

rose laughs and ridicules the game; she doesn't see the point, as, contrary to other team players, especially rodrick, she's not driven my money or the need for approval, as the doctor taught her what life lived to its fullest looks like behind all the pretense and make-believe.

the doctor, rose and jack are to themselves a pretty cool representation of what society should be about

[monriatitans]

MonriaTitans

Let's Play Some Demos! - Part 19

Tuesday, February 11th, 2025

Welcome to Part 19 of the Let's Play Some Demos! | LPSD series! For those who are new, I aim to introduce gamers to, usually, Indie games and to provide commentary and feedback on the games for educational purposes! For this episode, I used some of the demos I had grabbed from the Myths & Legends Steam Event! RULES! Typically, there are 4 demos. Each demo gets 30 minutes, not including the adjustment of settings and character creation. I might up it to 5 and/or play a great game for longer if there are technical issues. In addition, no AI.

Today, I, attempted, to play 4 demos for your enjoyment:

Dungeons of Hinterberg - Available Discover the magic and lore of the Alps in this acclaimed Action Adventure. Forge relationships with locals to help you solve puzzles, battle monsters and uncover secrets of the legendary Dungeons of Hinterberg!

The Mildew Children - Available Featuring a blend of 2D adventure and visual novel, The Mildew Children is a grim tale about a village inhabited only by children who follow savage pagan traditions. A young witch named Kyrphel, along with her sisters, are bound to perform a macabre Ritual in order to save their village.

Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island - Available You're shipwrecked on a lost mythical island. As backpacker Alex, you must befriend the forgotten gods of Greek mythology and restore their memories. Explore the dynamic island and its story sandbox to build new friendships, solve the mystery and save the gods.

Yaoling: Mythical Journey - Early Access Game Yaoling: Mythical Journey is a creature collecting Eastern fantasy RPG featuring an world filled with rich stories and unique Yaolings. Tasked to uncover a mysterious evil, you embark on a journey with your Yaolings, forming new friendships, engage in intense battles, and face countless challenges!

All links above are to the games' Steam pages. The Mildew Children is also available on itch.io!

Why was it an "attempt" to play? Because I suck at puzzles; Dungeons of Hinterberg broke me. However, I will still be able to render a verdict, via the "Layered Compliment Sandwich": Dungeons of Hinterberg was fucking fun until I got stumped by a puzzle. There were some annoyances, like the color of the attack animation. And the popping sound when dialogue was loading onto the screen. And the lack of a jump button. However, the lack of a jump button was made up for with the convenience of the automatic climb-up when getting close to a ledge. Now, my not liking guidance when it comes to puzzles is well-known, if you've been here for a while, so I'm not getting into it. My biggest issue with it, and it could very well be a "me" thing, was the fact it gave me a lingering headache. I'll end on I REALLY wish I could have kept playing! The art style was GORGEOUS!

The Mildew Children was an uncomfortable, but pleasant surprise. At one point, I asked why everyone was white. The art style is excellent and consistent and keeps to the grim theme. The story is engaging, even if I don't really understand what's going on. I was also STUNNED by something I didn't expect but should have; children having children. How else would we have a village of only children? And yet, most of the children we encountered acted like adults. I didn't do a whole lot of research before playing, so I don't know why this game was made, but I am getting a simple message from it; even children can be cruel. Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island is a beautiful game! And the fact the main protagonist was a black woman was a pleasant surprise. The way the game was designed reminded me of Lili: Child of Geos, minus all the trees. My biggest issue was the random changing of camera angles. It threw me off, especially while I was moving. It has one of the best maps I've ever seen, though, which was nice. My favorite part about it was the fact it SEEMED like a popular fruit was going to be used as currency. The most surprising part was Hermes; not how I expected the Messenger god to look. Am I playing too much Hades...? I was looking forward to getting into the Friend system, but the timer rang... Yaoling: Mythical Journey IS ADORABLE! When I was reading the description, I said it sounded like Pokémon and I was right, to a point. Instead of catching the Yaolings with a Pokéball, you use magic, paper charms instead! You can carry up to 7 charms at a time and, the best part, during a battle, all of your Yaolings fight at once! If you love tactical battles, you'll get a hand of this battle system pretty quickly! The part that was tricky for me was capturing the Yaoling I wanted before mine knocked it out... Similar to Pokémon, when you get your first Yaoling, you're a teenager, and you pick 1 out of the 3 you are introduced to. You also pick your name! But you pick it when you're found as a baby. That, automatically, made it better than Pokémon, and it was before I started playing. Especially since the design of a Pokémon never had me squeal from cuteness overload. Overall, I want Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island and Yaoling: Mythical Journey, and they are on my wishlist. As a reminder, Dungeons of Hinterberg, The Mildew Children, and Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island are all Available, while Yaoling: Mythical Journey is in Early Access.

And that's it for Part 19! Thank you for reading! If this series of videos is something you're interested in, the videos are available on YouTube, The Titans' Discord, Steam, Rumble, Odysee, and Ko-fi! Don't forget to hit the Subscribe and/or Follow buttons to know when there's more!

—

The Monday, Feb. 10th, and 682nd, Artist Shout-Out goes to Noelia Llorens Martínez! Check them out here!

—

TIMESTAMPS 0:00 - Welcome Gamers! 2:07 - Artist Shout-Out 4:53 - Demos' Intro 7:51 - Dungeons of Hinterberg - Available 34:12 - The Mildew Children - Available 1:07:05 - Artist Shout-Out/Be Right Back 1:16:09 - Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island - Available 1:51:56 - Yaoling: Mythical Journey - Early Access Game 2:46:07 - Demos Line Up 2:48:38 - Artist Shout-Out 2:49:47 - Thank You/Links2:51:27 - Rendezvous Point Bookshop Plug 2:54:51 - Up Next: Let's Play Some NSFW Demos! - Pilot/Password: LPSNWD 1! 3:01:50 - Farewell

—

"Let's Play Some Demos!" Video Series YouTube Playlist"Let's Play Some Demos!" Video Series Blog Posts

Pilot: CrossCode, Dumpy & Bumpy, Ynglet, Zero Ranger

Part 2: A Dance of Fire and Ice, 2064: Read Only Memories, Death and Taxes, Underhero

Part 3: TEKKEN 8, Spiritfarer: Farewell Edition, Secrets of Grindea, Forspoken

Part 4: Death's Hangover, Fae Farm, Fate/Samurai Remnant, Mini Settlers

Part 5: All-Star Fruit Racing, Indivisible, SaGa Emerald Beyond, Visions of Mana

Part 6: Glorious Companions, Tales of Arise, Ultionus: A Tale of Petty Revenge, Cozy Island

Part 7: The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, Cursebane, Dex, The Lady Puppet

Part 8: Detroit: Become Human, Little Goody Two Shoes, Luma Island, Tinkerlands

Part 9: Backpack Battles, Glaciered, Ratopia, Slime Rancher

Part 10: Captain Contraption's Chocolate Factory, Maid Cafe on Electric Street, Neon Noodles, Tiny Glade

Part 11: Critter Café, Grimoire Groves, Pixel Cafe, Wizdom Academy

Part 12: AdventureBarStory, Bone's Cafe, DELTARUNE, Mudborne

Part 13: Food Truck Simulator, Magical Bakery, Magical Delicacy, Seaside Cafe Rush Hour

Part 14: Chef's Tail, Espresso Tycoon, Kulebra and the Souls of Limbo, Tavern Talk

Part 15: Chicken Journey, FANTASIAN Neo Dimension, Terra Memoria, Until Then

Part 16: Cornucopia®, Hipster Café, Let's Café, Spells & Secrets

Part 17: Doloc Town, Feed the Cups, Manitas Kitchen, Mushroom Picnic Party, Rift of the NecroDancer

Part 18: Meadgard: Beer and Plunder, BOKURA: planet, Teeny Tiny Town, Tower of Babel: Survivors of Chaos

—

MORE INFO & TO SUPPORT - About MonriaTitans | WGS - Rendezvous Point Bookshop - Artist Shout-Outs Criteria - The Titans' Discord - Throne Wishlist - #SubOffTwitch - YouTube - Rumble - Odysee - Twitch - Steam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Originally published to https://opinionsandtruth.wordpress.com on February 11, 2025.

[t440]

(perspective note: haven’t played official translation yet) aai2 ending stuff. spoilers teehee.

the ending of aai2 is such a masterpiece of storytelling in that you’ve spent the entire game in the position of edgeworth being forcibly humbled & stripped of power by even more powerful forces due to him trying to bring to light the truth, which… is a pretty big inconvenience to them, given. and then, you get to the root of the entirety of the events of aai2-

and it’s just this sad fucking boy who has never had any power in his life setting up dominoes to bring out the worst in people. he singlehandedly set you up to bring justice to a woman who terrorized children at the orphanage she ran & covered up horrors performed by the government, a man who is impressively the worst fucking father in the series & used his authority and power to ruin uncountable people & even almost absolutely killed his wife and was never caught, & fucking. di-jun huang’s body double, who is nigh impossible to explain in any satisfactory way.

so, like- what the fuck have you done, really? you may have lost power, but you were still more than he ever was or could’ve been. you were stripped of power, but he never had a single experience of power in his life. abused by his father, saved from freezing to death by a strange man who left him at an orphanage out of a genuine desire to help, but then was abused at the orphanage and even moreso when he witnessed a murder he shouldn’t have. and then he ran away, and… what? ended up at a circus?

he almost absolutely education beyond primary schooling, if that. he has no higher education, no money, no social standing, and no friends or family. due to a misunderstanding, he caused the murder of one of the two people who even slightly cared for him. and you’ve been going through the whole game struggling with the fact of not being a prosecutor anymore. you have lost a father and been abused by another, but you absolutely do not have any more comparison aside from that.

and not only is this designed to humble you (both edgeworth and the player) but it also proves that you had very, very little to do with the miracles of law you worked. that you were, frankly, not better than anyone that the game encouraged you to look down upon. and you realize: his logic was off by far, but sebastian debeste of all people was right. but you thought simon being the culprit of knightley’s death was impossible, not only because of the logic, but because of the understanding that simon keyes was simply too weak to do that.

you not only have it proven to you that there are people far worse off than you, but that looking down on “stupid” people is morally and intellectually the worst thing you can ever do. and you did it twice. the game invited you to, but didn’t pressure you. see: how many people despise sebastian/eustace prior to the reveal.

and, sure, you get the arrest done and have a big speech at the end, but it’s so well-crafted to feel absolutely empty because simon keyes won. he got the best possible outcome for him. and frankly, while causing knightley’s death is bad, who could blame him for getting people arrested? no one would ever do anything about patricia, blaise, or the body double. you see his point, you see there was no other way, and when he gets arrested it is the best possible outcome.

he may be dressed as a clown, but he’s the entire fucking circus, and that is a compliment. he’s the ringmaster. you’re one of the monkeys. you have the societal power, but he’s been playing you the entire game through pure manipulation.

and frankly he’s probably getting a manslaughter and kidnapping charge and that’s it. but can you seriously argue for more?

it’s just the perfect anti-ace attorney. yamazaki’s magnum opus, honestly. 10/10

anyway, more to be said when i get out of the dentist… they are taking my damn teeth out someday, hopefully.

[cynthplop]

Weell, how about Annalise surviving but not as the heir of the first game, but rather as the Scholar protagonist of the second game, eh? 😎 Since it's implied the heir commits suicide (yeah, I did a bit of homework as promised and love the lore to bits) Anna could be the one who stops the worldwide apocalypse of the sequel! Anna witnessing the carnage Robin causes among their brothers and just worldlessly standing could be much more traumatic for both Robin AND Anna. Then Robin tells her to run.

Anon I want you to know that this idea has put me on a multiple day unhinged bender coming up with an AU where Annalise lives and becomes the Protege that I sincerely may like enough to make canon.

Also came up with a lil preliminary design for her too because I think my brain's rotting and uhhhhh women????? Uhhhhhhh women? W-women 😳?

This might be a long one, SO LET'S TALK

Personally I took the whole 'heir is implied to commit suicide' thing as ahhhh, more of a suggestion LOL I mean it happens, it's part of the whole looping timelines bit that Robin's continuously subjected to but he breaks out of it eventually and he lives (although it's not the only way he's died).

Instead of her running, I figure she goes through the same Stabbening anyways but somehow it missed her vitals and she lives. This leaves the entirety of DD1 unchanged as Robin still thinks she's dead, but really she managed to get out of there on her own and got lucky enough to stumble upon a kind couple longing for children (similar to Bonnie DD2's story on purpose because they're both sisters/sister figures to Robin and it can get potentially dramatic hoohoo). They take care of her, she pretends not to remember anything from her life as a Darkest because she finally realizes just how fucked up her whole existence was and she's hurt by the actions of her entire family and no longer wants anything to do with them. So they rename her Isobel, gift from the Light :) That's the only name she'd go by from then on.

In the time it's taking for Robin to get his ass handed to him in the Hamlet, Isobel makes an effort to forget her old life and lives well with the couple for a while, growing up to become a very intelligent young woman and quite the talented markswoman, eventually they save up enough that she gets to go to school. And wouldn't you know it, that's where she meets up with the Academic; they form somewhat of a symbiotic relationship, Izzy provides her (somewhat unwitting) knowledge of the occult, and in return she gets her lodging, food, and even a portion of her education taken care of. Of course this dredges up a lot of memories she's stamped down of her previous family, but hey, it was worth it if her parents were proud of her and living easily. And then, well The Apocalypse happens. I still need to brush up on some DD2 lore and the inciting incident before writing a lil more, I've mainly been watching streams as opposed to playing it myself hehe

Her character as the Protege is kind of an exploration of the opposite of Robin, someone who outright rejects everything that hurt her as opposed to Robin's reclamation and reforging of a new path from the old. As much as I really love this idea and am considering making it canon, unfortunately it kinda nixes the question I imposed of "could the Darkest kids have turned out different if only they had been treated right?" which is, well, yes, according to Anna living. But only to an extent, I suppose. Anyways, much to think about 🤔 and thank you again for the ask!!!!!!

[bouncybrain]

Something’s Fishy at Fazbear’s

OKAY

AU TIME. DON’T HAVE A NAME FOR IT.

I’ve only got design concepts for Sun and Moon (separate, here) but my brain took the general concept and ran with it, so [Mario voice] heRE WE GO!

(it’s gonna get long, so to save your dash I’ll slice it with a read more somewhere)

Fazbear’s is no longer a mega pizza-party chain. The company is more education than entertainment, though with their focus on children’s education that means children’s entertainment isn’t far behind. Instead Fazbear’s is one of those huge interactive museums or whatever they’re actually called. Discovery centers? Something like that. Anyway, it all started out small like with traveling displays n whatever, but eventually got big enough for permanent establishments. This AU and the ideas I have for it are primarily for the Security Breach time but other game-times do exist I just haven’t thought about them.

Animatronics play a big part in Fazbear’s reach and popularity, obviously, because of how sophisticated and advanced they are compared to the opposition; these animatronics have also always been part of the displays in varying sorts of ways. Originally they were just there as set dressing, but in present they’ve been expanded to roaming designated and themed zones. Freddy, Chica, Foxy, and Bonnie were the original animatronics, all designated to run a sort of “ecosystem” and “circle of life” display. Over the years they’ve been separated into their own zones. In present times there have been various additions in various different Fazbear Exploration Centers (everyone’s in this AU, just make a location for the game and there they are!) but the original four have always been present in the most central and profitable of the lot. I’ve got a few ideas on designs and functions and such, but I’ll save that for a potential later, if it comes to that.

Freddy, mascot and most popular animatronic character, is primarily deployed in a deciduous forest sort of zone; his primary topics are, of course, deciduous forests and their ecosystems. This means he knows just... so fucking much about the flora and fauna typically found in such ecosystems. Usually only a couple months behind research if Fazbear’s is having a good year. Capable of covering in other ecosystem zones.

Chica primarily deals with... well, no ecosystems at all. While initially she was part of Freddy’s zone, she’s been modified to instead fit with a food processing sort of area. From farm to grocery store shelves, Chica knows it all! Want to know what cows make chocolate milk? She’s got you covered! Everything and anything about food, she knows (most of) it! Except she can’t cook; she only covers the raw foods, since she’s working with kids who don’t normally need to know how to cook.

Monty works in one of the most popular zones: DINOSAURS. Him and his zone are some of the newest additions to the FEC line-up, primarily to teach kids about evolution and how that changed dinosaurs over the many, many years (and how gators like him are so GENETICALLY SUPERIOR that they’ve remained relatively unchanged). Has real bones in his zone, the bone zone, if you will.

Roxy gets... an industrial zone. Cars and robotics and factories are all under her jurisdiction; these attractions are heavily sanitized for children, as well as being heavily Fazbear-focused for obvious reasons. Her zone has lots of fake machines and displays of machines the kids can’t reach. All the kids can get at are relatively simple machines with a heavy emphasis on “harmless” interactables. There is an RC racing track! She’s very protective of it.

DJ Music Man is here, and he’s ready to party! This guy covers music and music history. Because real instruments are too delicate to leave out for hundreds of children to touch every day, there’s a lot of cheap plastic instruments for sale in his zone. It also goes into the general science behind sound and the art of music. He’s still a spidery guy because the zone looks like a concert hall and I’m not going to take that from him. (But he’s a little smaller. A little more interactable.)

Sun and Moon finally get their turn since they’re the ones that started all of this! There’s really no point to a daycare area in a place like the FEC, so they’re instead a zone split in two all about the ocean and oceanic life! This zone is more like an aquarium than anything, with Sun and Moon capable of speaking over loudspeakers outside their tanks to teach everyone about the fish they live with. The other half of the zone is less... alive and more full of plush toys and other soft things. Their zone really is more relaxing than any of the others, which means they get a lot of tired parents and kids and more-or-less it’s a sort-of daycare. The lighting is also split half-and-half in this zone. Aside from Monty’s mood-lit bone zone dinosaur zone, Moon’s half (deep-sea half) is the darkest place in the building.

THIS BRINGS ME TO THE GAME PLOT

Security Breach can still very much happen: children go missing from the FECs, they try and cover it up, past games go here. Freddy and Gregory go on a mission to GET OUT and run into Freddy’s friends being a little sus on the way. Really the major difference is just the Daycare section obviously can’t happen the same; I didn’t think about this much but Sun and Moon could very easily have access to all the cameras in the building and can broadcast information over an internal network to the other animatronics in the building, which means Gregory has a harder time hiding from the others. The Daycare section can be replaced with idk Gregory turning off the WiFi or something.

Or, since this is an AU, we can do one of my favorite things and pick and choose from the canon plot and instead apply those little bits into

Our Own Plot

By which I mean can you imagine a soaking wet fish-robot with a head that kinda looks like a sun flopping around on the floor throwing a fit because his zone wasn’t cleaned up properly and now he has to do it ALL HIMSELF while his counterpart is actually cleaning? Maybe a plot where the isolated and lonely Sun and Moon get upgrades so they can do the legs AND a tail thing and can meet the others. Or maybe it’s just a blissful tank life for the two of them and everyone’s happy and no child kidnappings and murders ever happened.

Idk if anyone’s gonna do anything with this just info dump of an idea, but if you do

Please show me! My asks (anon enabled) and submissions are open, and you can absolutely tag me!

[kumkaniudaku]

Understanding

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17

Recommended Listening: Understanding x Xscape, Purple Emoji (ft. J. Cole) x Ty Dolla $ign, My World x Asian

Word Count: 2,137 

If you were going to win an award that afternoon, it’d be for attire, not confidence. Your expertly crafted golf outfit was the only thing willing your feet forward once you parked your car in front of Senior’s golf course.

Black women and men dressed like modern Jet magazine ads waltzed in and out of the clubhouse while you scanned the area for your party. You’d been to your fair share of golf courses, but none as exquisite as The National. Marble accents complemented modern brass finishes and unbeatable views of the city. The desire to take photos for your father was almost too much to shake, but you managed to play it cool. Acting out of place was surely some type of faux pas for the wealthy.

Across the way, Senior sat at the bar sipping a glass of water while thumbing through a newspaper. His furrowed brow was identical to Yahya’s whenever he was knee-deep in work or a good book. The mental comparison made you smile before ushering in a tinge of sadness. For two people so undeniably similar, they were miles apart physically and mentally.

You navigated through groups of young and old alike on the way to the bar.

“You made it on time,” Senior spoke without looking up from a story on education budget cuts.

“I made it with time to spare.”

“You don’t get praise for doing what’s right.”

“Think of how much better things would be if we did.”

Senior paused his reading to take a deep breath and shake his head. You mentally berated yourself for overstepping so soon. Not even five minutes into the outing and you had already committed an avoidable infraction

Yahya I prolonged the unbearable silence as he continued to read through another article, reading each line painstakingly slow while you watched in agony.

“I apologize. That was unnecessary.”

“I’ll ask you again,” he spoke, finally looking away from the newspaper to study your face. “Let’s leave the character right here. We’re here for a purpose, so grab your clubs and follow me to the first hole. I hope your game is as good as you are at running your mouth.” Taking his retort in stride, you quickly grabbed your set of clubs and followed with no objections. “After you.”

Senior found himself immediately impressed though he wouldn’t verbalize his feelings. He watched you breeze through each hole with near expert precision, opening a series of questions at hole 5 during casual small talk.

“Where’d you say you were from again?”

“A tiny town in South Carolina that you probably wouldn’t know.”

“Try me,” he answered while taking stock of his position on the fairway.

“Anderson, South Carolina. Home of Larry Nance and the great Chadwick Boseman.”

“Can’t forget James Kennedy, Young Lady.”

You cocked your head back in surprise. “What you know about Radio? I mean outside of what the movie says?”

Senior remained quiet long enough to take a hard swing. The loud “whiff” of his driver slicing through crisp, clean air didn’t match the stroke’s output. Both of you watch the golf ball sail high into the air before making a landing well short of the intended destination. Senior shook his head at the miscalculation before turning to answer your question.

“Black folks from all over are connected, even without all that Snapgram and Facebook foolishness.”

“I could argue it’s helped, right? How else would you be able to share your granddaughter’s first steps with the whole family?”

“In photo albums. You might not remember those, but they did us just fine.”

“Yeah, but it’s instantaneous conversation and information. Who wouldn’t want that?”

“Maybe instantaneous conversation is the problem. We aren’t making enough time to stop and really think about what we’re saying to each other.”

“Mm.” You let the conversation naturally taper before following Senior to his golf cart. The rolling hills provided enough scenery to keep you interested while you sorted the words in your head.

“I think we may have started off on the wrong foot.” You spoke once the cart came to a full stop. Senior trailed behind in silence, gathering a new club while watching you examine the other golfers in the area.

“You’re rather observant.”

You chuckled and plucked a club from your bag. “I’ve been told. Yahya calls me Eagle Eye when I catch something he’s already talked about ten minutes ago.”

“It’s what his Big Mama used to call his Pop-Pop for the same thing. That man was notoriously late to the punchline.” The nostalgia in Yahya I’s voice caught you off guard though he didn’t see your minor fumble. Something in his retelling appealed to your sense of compassion in a way that you considered long gone when it came to him.

“Let’s not beat around the bush. You have an issue with my presence that we should discuss. Because I can assure you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Bold,” Senior responded with a sarcastic laugh. He gestured to nothing in particular as you squared up to take a swing and nodded. “And direct. Continue.”

You took a moment to hit a line drive toward the green in the distance, using the movement as an outlet for the unexpected nerves churning your stomach. Both of you quietly watch the golf ball for its final resting place before you turned to speak.

“You are extremely hard to please, and it is literally ruining your family. Yahya does everything in his power, and, excuse my French, you don’t seem to give a fuck. Why is that?”

“What makes you think that my love isn’t what makes me push him to be the best that he can? It may not be the fluff and frills you’re used to in your home, but it’s what he needs to get him to his potential.”

“Did it help you?”

Senior mistakenly allowed a quick moment of confusion to take over his features. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You tell me. When’s the last time you enjoyed a laugh with your family or felt like you could just...be? You’re carrying a weight that is crushing the people around you, and you don’t even see it.”

“You don’t…” Senior caught his words and bottled them behind his lips. He took a deep breath as he approached his golf ball and took a half-hearted swing. Noticing his misstep, he shook his head. “I’m from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. My father, Yahya’s Pop-Pop, moved my mother and me to a shotgun shack to find work when things weren’t quite shaking out back home. He was in and out of trouble and such. Couldn’t get right, but he had a natural knack for building and design.”

A nearby group of golfers erupted into laughter, helping to break up some tension.

“So architecture’s been in the family for a while,” you asked. Yahya I curled the corner of his lips into a far-off smile.

“A long, long time. It got us out of that shack when my siblings came along and into a house with our own rooms and a backyard. But, my father was a hard man. Hard to please, you know,” he laughed, making a reference to your earlier words. “He wanted the best from me, and he made damn sure he got it. I needed that to get my head out of the clouds.”

“You also needed some reassurance.”

“Perhaps. But, what’s done is done. I look at what I’ve built with no complaints, especially when it comes to my boys. I couldn’t be more proud of the men they’ve become.”

Senior’s proud smile almost looked foreign on his face. You’d never seen more than an indifferent expression or the slight twinge of anger smoldering behind his eyes.

Leaning on your club, you kept your eyes forward to gaze out over the course.

“Yahya would love to hear that. I don’t know if you know this, but he is desperately searching for your approval. There is not enough praise from me or anyone else that could replace knowing that you’re proud of him. Yet, as much as he would like to tell you these things himself, he’s afraid that you’ll think less of him for being vulnerable.”

“I could never think less of the boy. Tough love is still love.”

“Maybe for you,” you added, shrugging. “But, what good is continuing this cycle if it’s hurting the children you claim to love and the grandchildren after them?”

Senior dropped his head in thought before looking up with an unreadable expression. “Deuce will be fine. He’s all the best parts of his mother. I...I’m confident he’ll figure out fatherhood on his own despite my shortcomings. We raised him well.”

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping -”

“That has never stopped you before, young lady.” His light-hearted chuckle invited you to follow suit.

“Fair point,” you laughed. “So, let me cut to the chase. Allowing Yahya to just ‘figure things out’ is a passive existence. Yahya says you’re constantly reminding him to take things into his own hands. Sounds like you should take your own advice. Be the parts of your father that you needed at 33.”

Instead of acknowledging your advice, Senior twirled his club in his hand on the way to the golf cart. He maintained an impenetrable poker face that even the most skilled readers couldn’t interpret. You silently hoped that at least some of your words had made it through his thick skull, but you chose to let the discussion meet a natural end.

As he started the cart, Senior turned to you and smiled. “How the hell you learn to swing like that? I know it wasn’t in Anderson.”

“Hey, we play a little golf here and there!”

“Where? Out in the woods?”

“No, out in the Bayou like you did.”

A small smirk crept across your face as Yahya I chuckled at your joke. He sounded identical to Yahya, full of mirth and beautiful melodies.

“The ole Bayou,” he repeated in a thick accent. “You ain’t seen a place more beautiful in your life.”

“Maybe Yahya and I could visit one day.”

He quickly looked over and shrugged. “Maybe. For now, you focus on defending this lead. I think I’m getting back into my rhythm.”

Senior couldn’t make a convincing comeback, but he did show glimpses of a softer, more personable disposition. He cracked jokes on occasion and asked questions that turned the conversation from a therapy session to banter between associates. Your mind traveled to the possibility of civil family dinners or vacations during the ride home. Though it seemed silly to create imaginary scenarios after one conversation, you couldn’t help the urge to see a better future.

Your happiness helped you float into your shared apartment, making Yahya smile when he caught a glimpse of your wide grin and short skirt.

“Damn, girl,” he hollered from the couch with Leche cradled in his arms. “If Tiger was out there cheeked up like that, I might’ve paid a little more attention to the golf network.”

“Oh, really?”

Your raised eyebrow made Yahya kiss his teeth once he caught on to the joke. “You know what I meant. Where you been anyway?”

“Oh, I was just out doing a little golfing...with your dad.”

“Right. That was today, huh?”

Even Yahya’s best attempt at feigning interest, his question came out in a flat drone typically used on annoying coworkers. You dropped your purse and keys against a nearby barstool on the way to his spot on the couch.

“It was today. I think we had a good time,” you answered as you slid your arms around his neck from behind, placing a gentle kiss behind his ear. “He didn’t yell at me.”

“You must’ve kissed his ass the entire time.”

“No. We talked about how great I am at golf. I mean, I kicked his ass.”

“Good on you, baby girl. Bring honor to our house.” In a surprise maneuver, Yahya pulled you over the couch and into the space beside him. “Is that all?”

Silence blanketed the room, allowing the college basketball game in the background to have center stage. You considered your options carefully, weighing the pros of a potential argument against a peaceful Saturday indoors. Yahya turned his attention back to the television as he waited for a response.

“Did you hear me, baby? He didn’t say anything rude to you, did he?”

“No!” You blurted. Taking a deep breath, you slowly slid the remote off the coffee table and pressed the power button. Yahya blinked twice at his reflection on the black television screen before turning to you for answers. Your fingers danced across his thighs to interlock with his long digits.

“I think...I think we need to have a real talk about your dad.”

----

A/N: I hope this is better late than never. Only two more chapters left! Really striving to have those to y’all by the end of the month.

Let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged!

@earthformelanin @mufasathatniggatho @hidden-treasures21@justanotherloveaffair @jozigrrl @essaysbyciara @chaneajoyyy@determinednot2fall @honey-lamb-k @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @walkrightuptothesun @ghostfacekill-monger @trillistb@shaekingshitup @purplehairgawdess @xo-goldengirl@steampunkprincess147 @twistedcharismaaa @fandomfavesss@bugngiz @lifelover4u @ljstraightnochaser @l-auteuse @itsjustyazz@energy-innerg @lahuttor @sagittariusroyalty@chrisgalore @grandadchadwick​ @blowmymbackout​@supersizemeplz​ @just-peachee​ @itskikilove​ @eyeknowmywrites​ @aanairb​ @blackburnbook​ @leahnicole1219​ @lovedersha​ @cant-decide-at-this-moment​ @jasmindaughteroftheworld​

[fishmongeringstudies]

twenty one: i keep waking up in rooms i don't recognize and then realizing that i am still dreaming. my therapist says this is a symptom of a dislocated knee. i have not gone running since march. everyone that i know is lying to me

when i was a kid my parents used to take us to the same restaurant for brunch every sunday. it was on the first floor of a shopping mall which had big panes of glass stitched together for a ceiling and consequently let in far more natural light than your average building, but the restaurant itself was dark. moody. the walls were black and so was all the upholstery. the coffee mugs the waitresses served you coffee in were so dark you couldn't tell how full they were unless you looked extra hard at them, which i rarely did. in most memories of this place i'm seven or eight and i only drink two things: lemon tea and milk. so i'm sitting there with my frosted plastic cup of lemon tea, methodically stirring in my syrup with a skinny metal spoon because they make their lemon tea from scratch here which means no sugar and lots of tea, and my parents are drinking from their big adult mugs, and my sister's picking apart the roasted tomato on my dad's plate, and life, well. life is simple. good.

i can't remember when we stopped going there but i know that by the time i was nine and traipsing around in the hallways of the chinese primary school my parents had transferred me to, it had closed down and been replaced with some other restaurant whose name and shape i can't recall. well before i turned sixteen that entire wing of the first floor was demolished and replaced with the monstrosity that is singapore's flagship muji store. the muji's still there today. it's got a retail area and a few showrooms showcasing lifestyle choices for the upper-middle class citizen and a cafe with a dining area marked out by eclectic hanging decor that looks like a hundred little wastepaper baskets made from twine tied together to form a spotty mural of sorts. i'm fond of the cafe. their desserts are on the expensive side but they're thoughtfully made and look pretty in pictures, prettier in person.

your childhood years are one of those things that gets shinier the further away you stand from it, like how a bad experience becomes bittersweet by necessity if you give it long enough or you'll be stuck carrying that baggage with you forever. looking back, for example, on spring, i am inclined to see the educational takeaways instead of the moments in which my brain shut off and was replaced with a vat of screaming kittens. in this way we propel ourselves forward with the wisdom of the past, scrounged together from moments of pain and deep embarrassment. in this way we find ways to stay alive.

this summer i have wound up in upperclassmen housing by some unfortunate trick of fate. my apartment suite has five bedrooms but only four of them are occupied; i live in the room at the end of the hallway. my flatmates live in the next three. it has been five days since i moved in and i am convinced all of them think that they are living with a cryptid constructed in the scp containment breach format and unsure how to let them know that they are correct without making it personal. last night i woke up after a brief period of dreaming to use the bathroom; while washing my hands in the sink one of my flatmates walked past in the hallway behind me. 'hey, it's you,' she said. 'i feel like i haven't seen you forever. i mean. i've seen you, but i haven't seen seen you, you feel me?' asleep on my feet and ready to crash facefirst into bed, i nodded. 'yes.' she stood there for a few seconds as if expecting me to say more, but i had a vending machine for a brain at the moment and couldn't find it in me to press any more buttons. i certainly could've tried. but i was tired.

when i got on campus in february i resolved to sign up for therapy sessions with the school's mental health services since i was paying an ungodly amount for 'health insurance' (not a thing in singapore, really; not necessary in most places except america, really) anyway and i might as well make use of some small part of the astronomical sum that had been deposited in the pockets of some old white people i would likely never meet in my life. i got as far as filling out the form embedded in the school website and opening the automated email i received a few days later asking me to list my free times each week. i forgot about the rest. we are therefore entering the summer of my twentieth year without a goddamn clue what the inside of my head looks like apart from the fact that it must be pretty cool in there. it has to be cool. if it isn't cool what's the point of holding onto any of it anyway? we live for the spice of life. like garlic powder. cumin. oyster sauce.

this morning i went to target to look for sugar. the dining hall here doesn't do any of its vegetables justice but their desserts are to die for, and i've found myself suffering from a mild withdrawal since i started scrambling eggs and boiling about five hundred grams of cauliflower a day for the sheer therapeutic effect of it and because i don't really know any better. the target near campus is located in a shopping mall and surrounded by miles of parking space on both ends. while walking back across that stretch of empty parking space, i came across a smear of orange on the pavement. it was an orange. or it had been. the rind had been ground into the gravely surface of the road by a repetitive smoothing action so that it looked less like a bit of roadkill and more like it had been there all along. i can't stop thinking about that orange. who the fuck drops an orange in the middle of a road? why didn't they pick it up?

i have been cursed with an idea. it came to me last night before i fell asleep and it has been sitting on my shoulder since then like the devil in the popular angel-and-devil writing device which all nine year olds are taught by their teachers in chinese class, whispering to me about how great things will be if i can teach myself the fundamentals of sound design in three days. unfortunately it is when one decides to start a war that they are forced to confront their contacts list and the vast, untraceable geography of its contents. i cannot tell you if anything will result from this. but i hope that it will.

back when i still talked to her i mentioned the idea of doing puzzles to soothe the mind once and she took to it with so much genuine enthusiasm (she was always enthusiastic. too enthusiastic. enthusiasm was the problem, and the lack of willingness to curtail it the thing that eventually nailed the coffin shut) that i went to target the next weekend and bought a set of four puzzles depicting various scenes from old disney films. over the last two weeks i have done each puzzle three times, save for the last one, in which mickey and minnie mouse waltz down a red carpet and the people on the sidelines cheer for them with champagne moustaches and glittering beads for eyes. i cannot decide if this is meaningful. i cannot see the point of summer. but i am trying.

i don't remember the name of that sunday brunch restaurant. i don't remember the names of a lot of places our parents brought us when we were children, but my sister has been on a nostalgia trip since april and sends me screenshots of old pc games we used to play together from time to time. ernie's adventures in space. timmy's sea adventures. barbie island princess. i open each image and feel something inside of me physically ache in response. it appears that despite my best efforts, i will never be seven years old again.

i'm not a huge fan of lemon tea anymore. i prefer water. how it cleanses the palate like a vacuum cleaner sucking up all the dust and grime in a musty room. it's hard to distinguish between the inside and the outside of a thing when both are the color of a blood-red sunset but we try our best, you know? we draw lines on the sidewalk with chalk and we say 'here is my side of the universe and here is yours'. we act diplomatic when inside we are drunk and slurring our words all over the bartender's white vest. and then, because there is nothing else to do on this planet, we keep on living.

06.10.21

[littlebabycrybtch]

ughh i hate starting niche shit that ik ppl will immediately reject without even considering it but. dude ngl the anti tablet thing with kids is becoming so exhausting. like PLEAASE fucking hear me out for a sec. theyre probably watching fucking cocomelon and elmo. bro. theyre learning numbers and shapes dude. why do you think thats harmful. genuinely ask yourself why on earth that would hurt them. children being entertained by childrens media or games literally designed to enrich their young minds is not fuckin bad. it exists for a reason. it is made for them. kid tablets arent the devil lmao.

im sorry but yall know parents like... ARENT legit superheroes and actually do inherently need to leave their child to their own devices from time to time just so they can complete other necessary tasks so they both survive right. you know demonizing every single instance of witnessing a parent taking care of themselves at what you perceive as even the slightest expense of their kid is not just an unattainable unrealistic standard, but just. downright Cruelty. seeing a kid with a tablet for 2 seconds and being like ‘wow i bet their parents make them do that for like 8 hours a day while they just sit there lifelessly :///’ is just... such a WILD leap. like no forreal why is this idea so ingrained. to be frank its this malicious ‘parents are lazy and terrible until proven hero’ mentality which is so fucking needlessly damaging. why do you literally think its automatically evil to let a kid watch educational yt kids in a stroller !! why is a parent expected to be their childs resource literally 24/7 when its obvious they literally cannot bc they have to be their own resource too !! ik sympathetic reasoning towards parents aint ppls strong suits and no you do not have to have your own kids to judge, but damn man yall could at least try to be Educated on raising kids b4 u spread this shit. 

‘uu just handing them a tablet and ignoring them is gonna damage them’ my guys, you can give kids Plenty of attention and 1-on-1 time, but theyre autonomous human beings, after a certain point they actually Need to learn to entertain themselves and this happens sooner in life than you think. most infants learn how to self soothe a little by 6 months. sometimes ur kid might Prefer to watch smth than talk to you or w/e, and its honestly not a sign ur neglecting them. its a sign ur raising them with enough care that theyre starting to want to navigate on their own. independent play is Good. its Good for them to learn their own interests and what makes them happy. sometimes kids dont WANT your attention, or cant have it at the moment. or sometimes ur kid doesnt WANT to be at walmart, and they have the right to feel upset theyre somewhere against their will, but ofc u kinda have to buy them food so they live and shit. so distracting them with smth both educational and fun, long enough to get in, do what you need to do, and get out is... is not just ‘okay’, but a perfectly healthy and responsible thing to do in that situation, instead of letting them scream and be upset just to ‘prove’ you’re the boss while you don’t give them anything to cope with besides yourself, like its a good thing for them to not form any personal soothing skills. most parents are not Forcing a tablet on their kid, they offer it as an enriching solution to unavoidable situations where they cant be directly interacting, just like the purpose of any other toy, except this one has a much more engaging interface. and uh, lbr, you can neglect a kid with any method for this. seriously, nagging them to go play outside for 8 hours every time they annoy you can be just as neglectful for them, and make them feel just as ignored and rejected and under stimulated as it could be to leave them with a tablet for that long. and dont even get me Started on special needs kids who might need devices to cope even from a young age bc i just fuckin......... please fucking listen. im not exaggerating or playing devils advocate for fun here. the assumptions abt this are truly miserable.

tldr;;; there are not demons in the computer screens tryna rot childrens brains, ur ass grew up watching bill nye the science guy in classroom settings, ik its hard as hell to recognize flaws in such widely socially ingrained concepts but can you guys..... please just Try to be more understanding and think abt how u treat parents, and tbh how you view kids. its harmful to be so ignorant abt childrens needs and how their minds work. yall kinda act like when ur a parent it becomes a crime to still be a human person or smth like thats reasonable and not an incredibly cruel set up against them, and you act like kids are a one-size-fits-all love robot where its as simple as putting in the universal codes every day to raise them right. theyre literally just people and its a bit more complex than that

[lvsamine]

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Lusamine Aether PRONUNCIATION: Loo-suh-meen Ay-ther MEANING: Derived from ‘balsamine’ plant REASONING: ?? NICKNAME(S): Lusa, Lusy, Madam Prez PREFERRED NAME(S): Lusamine BIRTH DATE: May 28th AGE: 44 ZODIAC: Gemini GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual NATIONALITY: Kalosian ETHNICITY: White CURRENT LOCATION: Aether Paradise, Alola LIVING CONDITIONS: Great?? TITLE(S): Aether President

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: Lumiose City, Kalos HOMETOWN: Lumiose City, Kalos SOCIAL CLASS: She’s In The 1% Babey. EDUCATION LEVEL: Obtained GED. FATHER: Basile Aether MOTHER: Manette Aether (Deceased) SIBLING(S): Cynthia (half-sister) (@/hclloffcme) BIRTH ORDER: Lusamine > Cynthia CHILDREN: Gladion, Lillie PET(S): Clefable, Lilligant, Mismagius, Milotic, Bewear OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: N/A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: Unnamed fiance, Mohn ARRESTS?: No, should have been though. PRISON TIME?: No.

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Aether’s reservation center. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Stock investments. TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: N/A APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: You Know. CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: Supposedly PAST JOB(S): N/A SPENDING HABITS: Doesn’t spend much, but can be impulsive when she sees something she wants. MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: Family photo of her, Mohn, and the kids.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: Very weak. OFFENSE: Poor, unless she uses her heels or teeth. DEFENSE: Also poor! She’s fragile!! SPEED: Walks fast, that’s about it. INTELLIGENCE: Very knowledgeable about Pokemon and manipulation tactics :) ACCURACY: Pretty good, if she’s aiming for you, she’ll probably hit you. AGILITY: Good in small bursts STAMINA: Low in most situations... high in sexual situations TEAMWORK: Doesn’t like it, but can do it. TALENTS: ...Being mean? SHORTCOMINGS: VERY short tempered, quick to go on the offensive, prone to total meltdowns if things go badly. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, French DRIVE?: Nope! JUMP-STAR A CAR?: Absolutely not. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: She wouldn’t even try. RIDE A BICYCLE?: Also no. SWIM?: Yes! Doesn’t do it as often as she’d like. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: Nnnnope. PLAY CHESS?: yes, she loves chess. BRAID HAIR?: yep! TIE A TIE?: Sure can. PICK A LOCK?: LOL NO.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: ...Lusamine. EYE COLOR: Green HAIR COLOR: Blonde HAIR TYPE/STYLE: A long, geometric nightmare with a pointless ponytail. GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No, but she might need them sometime soon. DOMINANT HAND: Right handed. HEIGHT: 5′9 / 152cm WEIGHT: 120lbs / 54kg BUILD: Ruler-shaped, I guess? EXERCISE HABITS: Stretches in the morning, takes daily walks. SKIN TONE: Pale white. TATTOOS: Never, god. PEIRCINGS: Earrings, though she doesn’t wear them often. MARKS/SCARS: HUGE tendril scars from Nihilego all over her torso and back. NOTABLE FEATURES: The Scars Probably. USUAL EXPRESSION: Neutral positive or completely drained. CLOTHING STYLE: White and brown clothing, usually with leggings and long sleeves. JEWELRY: Earrings and necklaces sometimes, Big Fuckin Chest Gem. What is that. ALLERGIES: None. BODY TEMPERATURE: ...97 F? DIET: Coffee and protein bars, with the occasional salad. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: Permanent atrial fibrillation, fibromyalgia, functional dyspepsia.

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: ESTJ JUNG SUBTYPE: ?? ENNEAGRAM TYPE: Type 3 (The Achiever) MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral TEMPERAMENT: Choleric ELEMENT: Fire PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Linguistic-Verbal APPROXIMATE IQ: bro iq is fake I’m not figuring it out LMAO. MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Borderline Personality Disorder SOCIABILITY: Very sociable on most days. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: Never Heard of Her OBSESSION(S): Love, perfection, the past... COMPULSION(S): Digs nails into hands? PHOBIA(S): Abandonment and jellyfish. ADDICTION(S): :) DRUG USE: :^) ALCOHOL USE: yes, frequent (against doctor’s orders) PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: Not generally, but has been violent in the past.

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: Generally elegant and thought out. ACCENT: Alolan, slips into Kalosian when upset. QUIRKS: Drifts off in sentences when thinking? HOBBIES: Chess and various puzzle games. Not much free time. HABITS: Drinks, takes lots of baths, eats a protein bar and coffee every morning at least. NERVOUS TICKS: Avoids eye contact, gets defensive, raises voice. DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Helping Pokemon and That’s It. FEARS: Isn’t this phobias again. Anyway. Abandonment and jellyfish. POSITIVE TRAITS: Confident, caring to Pokemon, intelligent, good leader. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Fucking everything else LMAO. Short tempered, impulsive, manipulative, has a horrible victim complex... SENSE OF HUMOR: Non-existent. What’s a joke. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: VERY rarely, only using ‘damn’ and ‘hell’ when angry. CATCHPHRASE(S): Does she have one? I don’t know.

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: not to be nsfw on main but- ANIMAL: Nihilego Clefable or Bewear. BEVERAGE: Vodka. Bonus points if it’s a citrus drink. BOOK: Doesn’t have one, can’t remember the last time she read for pleasure. CELEBRITY: Well. She’s clearly interested in Lysandre. Otherwise she doesn’t care for celebrities.. COLOR: Mantis green. DESIGNER: Elesa...? She doesn’t have much interest in fashion. FOOD: Water chestnuts. FLOWER: Azaleas! GEM: Polished chrysoprase, maybe? HOLIDAY: no. MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Being chauffeured is easiest. MOVIE: Probably something Notebook-adjacent. MUSICAL ARTIST: ...Bach? She likes classical music. QUOTE/SAYING: ““You’re beautiful,” Replied the fly, to the spider.” SCENERY: Green grass, lots of flowers in a garden, early morning sunrise. SCENT: Mohn’s old cologne. SPORT: Literally Who Cares. SPORTS TEAM: Certainly not Lusamine. TELEVISION SHOW: Nothing specific, but she likes dramas and crime shows. WEATHER: Sunny, around 70F. VACATION DESTINATION: She likes Johto.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: ...Seeing Mohn again? Making a difference for Pokemon? GREATEST FEAR: Dying completely and totally alone. MOST AT EASE WHEN: Spending time with a partner. LEAST AT EASE WHEN: Discussing Mohn or Ultra Space. WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: Being abandoned by someone she trusts when she needs them most. BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: Creating the largest reservation center in the world. BIGGEST REGRET: Allowing research on Ultra Beasts in the first place. Maybe Mohn would still be here. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Being mocked for Ultra Space wasn’t exactly embarrassing but it was extremely shame-inducing and lowkey traumatizing. BIGGEST SECRET: To people that don’t know about it already, what she did in her past, and how deep that goes. TOP PRIORITIES: Helping and loving Pokemon.

[floralkittygambler]

Hazbin OC - Lady Luck [WIP shit]

Just a dump of some Lady concepts and some of how she’s developed. Current design + Angel forme [above] Lady’s brief bio: Name: Lady Luck, Lady Age: Various [based on rebirth], most notably the ages 31, 38 and 55. [anyone who knows where these ages from, you know] Gender: female Date of Birth: Various Date of Death: N/A Cause of Death: Perhaps ‘they’ caught up- Race: White British/Irish ‘human’ turned feline demon [current ‘life’], ‘Deity’ Occupation: Fortune Teller/Medium, Lingerie model, part time barmaid and entertainer, only a hobbyist gambler Voice type: Cornelia Hayes O'Herlihy [Fiona Belli, Haunting Ground - VA is Irish] Quirks, strange mannerisms, and/or annoying habits: [soon] Appearance: Grey feline demon [inspired by Russian and British blues], Green/Olive eyes, adding more soon lol im tired Personality: soon Sins/Vices: Alcohol consumer [non addict], past minor addiction to medicine, gambling [non addict], money hoarding, ‘playing god’ [unwilling], Witchcraft/magick [main sin]. Prone to wrathful acts, feelings of envy, moderate greedy habits. Sinned in other lives. Strong profanity, dark business, sometimes catalysts for chaos. Self hazardous. Melancholic. Virtues: Can be giving if convinced/interested, deep empathy/compassion, chastity [unintentional], though often impatient can be extremely patient for those in need. Protective of animals, children and the vulnerable but the opposite towards assailants. High tolerance against addiction.   Mental illnesses: Abilities/Powers/Skills: Thin and nimble, quick witted, ability to appeal [emotional], ability to debate, reading traits [acquired], magick/supernatural powers - connects to life/death cycle, monsters, psyche, deity levels. Card magick - throwing weapons, summoning weapons, evasive. Nature connected powers. Analysist. Great with children, animals, the vulnerable. Jack of many trades [incl. mixology, divination, board games, survivalist, etc] to allow more opportunities. More intelligent than she appears. Pickpocketing [magick assisted]. Basic magic tricks. Can speak pieces in some languages, including Latin. Performer/entertainer. Dancer [helps in fights]. Observant. Comforting and nurturing. Humorous. Willingness to stand up for and defend. Listener. Sniper aim. Weaknesses: Phobias [such as mirrors, safety/romance, vertigo/heights, etc], radiowaves [can be triggered by her creations or by her loss of composure], strong deity powers [actively denies and suppresses them leading to ‘charge up’. Emotions can stir them up signaling her difficulty controlling them. Can turn these against herself as well. Prone to overexertion which can easily be fatal. Can lead to great acts of wrath]. Intimacy. Can vary from too trusting to too wary. Grey moral compass [leading to passive inaction in some cases and aggression in others]. Lightweight drinker [in denial]. Drinks when anxious/socialising [often, though easily substituted]. Heightened senses [pro and con]. Easily distracted. Can be rude/jest harshly. Closed off. Handles drug effects badly. Over-emotions can lead to ‘possession’ from a ‘friend’. Exhausts easily. Durable and fragile. Panic [can calm others]. Avoids own issues [can admit and confront them however is closed off]. Overworks. Avoidant. Melancholic. Sadistic streak that’s hard to tame. Could be way better at illusionism. Vengeful. Frozen in past. Terrible runner. Chronic conditions. Low tolerance for certain types. Can often mishandle these violently. Surprisingly shy. Can only mask for so long. Materialistic to replace loneliness. Height: 5′8 - 5′9 [human], 6′5 [demon] Body type: Pear, extremely small bust with larger rear and wider hips. Dislikes: many, soon to list. People/humans, having to socialise, being picked up [esp like a cat], phobias, worms, ‘crawling blood’, perverts, Fears: soon, mirrors,  Goals: soon Relationships/Love interests: She has a potential interest, though she’s likely to approach first [or make a ‘first move’ per say] she most likely wouldnt confess feeling that she wasnt appealing to them. Definitely would make the effort to comfort and befriend [leaving Lady’s comfort zone] Hobbies and interests: Gambling, card and board games, playing games, tarot/divination of many kinds, witchcraft, magic tricks/shows, lingerie modelling [think more boudoir/classy or the playful takes of Bettie Page], botony/herbology, collecting plushies, faux smoking, drinking, overreacting to gameshows/tv shows, comedy stand ups, chocolate making, art and sewing, playing instruments [accoustic guitar, harmonica, lyre, inflatable saxophone, triangle, tambourine], mixology, learning new things, animals and caring for those who need it, fashion [often quirky or outdated], hula hoop tricks, dancing and singing [quite shy], teaching/educating children [especially in hunting/survival], taxidermy, sharp shooting, sometimes being nude [in safe areas], meditation, collecting, true crime files, star gazing, shadow puppets, laser pens, making jokes, berry picking, reading, snuggling, cats, money saving/spending, horror novels/movies, aerials, pole dancing [fitness], general fitness [in the yoga sense, not jogging], sci-fi, woodcarving [no skills], loves 70s and rococo fashion as well as classy looking fashion, playbunnies, aesthetics, nature. Laser tag. Comfy blankets. Nurturing other’s needs. Cute things. Trivial: - Was a virgin in her last life before becoming a demon, dreads sex demons like Val finding this out. - Covered in scars, both self inflicted and otherwise, these remain hidden beneath her fur. - Will go around topless or nude as her fur works as censorship. Even to the dismay of others. - Loves the 60s, 70s and 80s. - Regrets no longer liking cheese like she used to. - Enjoys stronger alcoholic drinks despite being a lightweight, her drunk self showing her softer and more optimistic hidden side. Often giggly, complimentary and cuddly. Occasionally verbally aggressive/wants to fight. - Some of her dreams include; starting a bar fight, visit a magic show, learn to spin plates, [finally] visit a Vegas style casino, own a garden/creatures sanctuary, find a meteorite, attempt to hold a lion’s mouth open for ‘Strength’, own her dream house and business away from ‘fucking everyone’, ride a dolphin, master juggling and magic tricks, create some new potions, slap the shit out of each overlord [etc] - Avoids love; from the topic to her history, though it’s implied that she doesn’t feel like it’s ‘in the cards’ for her as well as implied insecurity. - The memories of each of her past lives often collide, especially in the night, causing hidden distress - She was originally planned to have a power inspired by John Coffee where she could ‘alleviate’ other’s emotional suffering by CBT and physically ‘taking’ it from them, an ability that would land her a job at the Hotel. This idea has since been moved to another character. - She has a ‘baby face’ and is often called cute by others, leading her to be treated little more than an oversized pet. This is something that bothers her when not in jest. - Related to Dead Hand - Has had certain dealings with Valentino and Lucifer that she’s not proud of. - Lady Luck is an ironic name - Old design designed around my old cat Angel, new design ironically resembles our current cat Angel [taken over from Great Auntie. First was named after Buffy characters. Second... Idk] - [soon] [Temp: https://www.deviantart.com/pixichi/art/Very-Basic-Character-Sheet-for-OC-s-By-Pixichi-482645873 ] Old designs:

[zippityzap]

My Top Ten Favourite Moments in Sonic Games

The past 30 years the Sonic series has had a lot of memorable moments, too many to list fully, so in celebration of my recent follower milestone, today I’ll be presenting and explaining my personal top ten favourite moments. I would like to emphasise that this list is very subject and is highly influenced by my personal experiences with the Sonic series. It’s not intended to be objective by any means, and I would love to hear what moments you guys would put on your own lists! Additionally, this list is only for things from the games, in the future I’ll make another list for other Sonic media

Without further ado, let’s get started!

10) City Escape’s GUN truck

Interesting set pieces and small scripted moments in levels have been a staple in the Sonic series since the beginning. Sure, they’re not always challenging from a game-play standpoint, but they’re always an entertaining spectacle. One of the most ionic of these moments (and one of my personal favourites) is being chased by the GUN truck. City Escape is already a highly memorable level from the get-go, but the truck sequence is the cherry on top. An additional shout-out to both of the Generations versions of the level for not only bringing it back but changing it up just enough to surprise you and keep you on your toes!

9) Escaping Null Space

Forces is one of those games that I would describe as a truly mixed bag. Yeah, there are a lot of things about the game that kinda sucked or were disappointing, but when it hit a high, BOY did it hit. While I agree with many people that having the Null Space portion of this level actually have gameplay in it would’ve made this moment impact a little harder, I’m just in love with that transition from the silence of null space to the bombastic chorus of Fist Bump. I thought it was a really exciting moment that hypes you up for the rest of the level.

8) Sonic Heroes’ opening cinematic

Heroes was my first 3D Sonic game, and consequently it was my introduction to a lot of things that are staples for the Sonic series. Vocal themes, an extended cast and their interpersonal relationships, story routes that connect to each other. These are some of my favourite things about the Sonic series, so even if some aspects of the game aren’t that great, I could never ever hate or even dislike Heroes. I feel like the opening cinematic to Heroes (the one with the theme song as the music) is the aspect of Heroes that really encapsulates those feelings best. I must’ve spent hours as a kid letting it play over and over again singing along to it.

7) Shadow the Hedgehog (2004) title screen cinematic

Before you laugh, here is where I must remind you that this list is extremely subjective and highly influenced by my personal experiences and memories. Ok now imagine this: you are a 7-8 year old kid, and your experience with media that isn’t mainstream radio or educational children’s tv shows is fairly limited. You’re getting deep into the Sonic series for the first time thanks to playing Heroes and seeing some of the cartoons and you’re interested to know more about the series. You visit Sonic Central, the official site at the time, and they have a music player with a variety of songs from the games. One of the songs it plays is I Am (All of Me). I won’t lie, I was a little blown away because I’d never really heard anything like it before, so I go to find out more about the game it’s from and I come across that opening cinematic.

I think it’s very, very, easy as an adult to laugh at the Shadow the Hedgehog game and it’s… direction, but adult me was not the target audience of that game, kid me was. Say what you want but the effect that game was going for I think is something that just hits best with sheltered little kids, and I’d be curious if anyone else had a similar experience.

6) The ending of Sonic and the Black Knight

I won’t go into too much detail on this one, since this is very much a fan favourite moment and many others have gone into detail about why it’s so great. Black Knight is certainly one of the games that captures Sonic’s character the best, and his words at the end of the game certainly encapsulate this. Followed by the amazing credits theme of Live Life, the ending of Black Knight is certainly one of the most emotional moments in the series.

5) Sonic Generation’s credits

Anniversary games can be a bit of a controversial subject for the Sonic fandom; 06 was one of the games released for the 15th anniversary while Forces is often considered to be a 25th anniversary game. I think Generations really achieved the feeling and the specialness of a celebratory event though. It’s one of my favourite Sonic games and the whole game is full of brilliant moments but I feel the credits really evoke the celebration vibe: a Sonic 1-esque music melody as the credits song, showing footage from the original games each stage is from, and the cherry on top: a ‘Happy Birthday’ message to Sonic recorded from fans who attended the 2011 Sonic Boom and Summer of Sonic conventions. It genuinely warms my heart every time I finish the game.

4) Metropolis Capital City level

Forces gets another representation on this list! Honestly, I believe the parts of Forces that were exciting, such as this, really demonstrate my opinion that Forces had a lot of potential to be a really good game. But I digress, this was my favourite level from Forces because it shows how fun of a villain Infinite could be. The way that Infinite follows you for most of the stage and uses illusions to fuck around with the stage itself? That’s really fun, and it’s not just stage gimmicks for the sake of having a gimmick, it ties into the powers of the villain and makes the player feel involved in a way because Infinite is messing around with you specifically and is having to make to think on your toes. Granted, part of makes this stage stand out so much in a good way is because it’s so different from the rest of the game and it takes you by surprise, so maybe the impact wouldn’t be as hard hitting if this sort of design was used more in the game, but c’mon when you have a villain who’s powers are illusion-based, the sky’s the limit!

3) Sonic Unleashed’s opening cutscene

Can you believe this game came out over a decade ago and the opening cutscene still looks this stunning?! Depending on who you ask, some might even argue that this cutscene has yet to be topped, and honestly, I’m in that camp. Not only is the rendering beautiful and the choreography of the action exciting, but this scene does a wonderful job of setting up for the viewer regardless of how much prior experience they have with the series who Sonic and Dr. Eggman are, as well as setting up the events of the game. I recall being very happy when I heard the animation team for this cutscene would also be handling the animation for the movie.

2) Beating Sonic Unleashed for the first time

So, this is another pretty personal one. I played Unleashed for the first time a few years ago and it is in my opinion, one of the most difficult Sonic games. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes for completely bullshit reasons. My first ever run of Eggmanland was around 40 minutes long and apparently that’s considered a pretty decent time for your first go, but christ it was a nightmare to finish (looking at you, that one section where you have to platform on pipes without a drop-shadow). The following boss sections weren’t much easier- I don’t rage much with video games, I tend to whisper swears under my breath at most but that part where you’re running on the Gaia Colossus had me screaming in anger every time I lost a life.

BUT when I finally beat the difficult sections? Felt like finally cracking your back after feeling stiff all day. Like taking the first sip of water after a walk on a hot day. The relief and satisfaction I felt was indescribable and slowly winding down while Dear My Friend plays as the credits theme was blissful. I don’t play difficult games that often so Unleashed is one of very few games that I have this sort of memory with.

1) Watching my dad get the good ending of Sonic 1

Here’s a small amount of backstory for this pick. My dad got his first job at 19 and he used his first pay-check to purchase the then newly released Sega Mega Drive. He had a lot of games for the console including Sonic the Hedgehog. He kept the console and games in good condition, and they were still perfectly playable by the time his first child was born (aka me!). Sonic 1 was the first video game I can remember playing at roughly 2-3 years old. I wasn’t good enough to get past Green Hill Act 3 but I loved watching my dad play through the game.

I’ll admit; his playstyle’s a little odd, he avoids speed when he can and instead, he likes to search for as many rings and extra lives as possible, but it was so enjoyable to watch nonetheless. The best bit was whenever he would manage to get all the chaos emeralds in a playthrough and be able to get the good ending. Sure, the only difference between the good and bad endings is just some flowers, but it was nice to see him be happy that he was able to achieve that ending.

And that’s the end of my list! Upon looking over it I realise most of it is either openings or endings to games…oops. I suppose they tend to be parts of games that get special attention during development since they bookend the journey. When I get around to making the second list, I’m sure it’ll have more variety, and as I said before, I’d be very interested in hearing what everyone else’s favourite moments are!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #358

“i know the pieces fit, ‘cuz i watched them fall away”

Would you ever own a Great Dane as a pet? Oh Lord, my mom wants one so bad. She looooves big dogs. I wouldn't, though. I don't want another dog, period. What was or is your favorite quality about your recent ex? Her resilience, strength, creativity, loyalty, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. lol. Have you ever witnessed a human being giving birth in real life? No, and I NEVER fucking will. What about an animal? Yeah, cats. What kind of things do you enjoy reading about on sites like Wikipedia? I sometimes do that for straightening out game plots after watching a let's play if I have remaining questions. Wikipedia tends to do well with compressing it. Which country’s cuisine that you haven’t tried, would you be interested in sampling? (e.g. Moroccan, Thai etc.) I wouldn't know because I'm not educated enough on foreign cuisines. What’s the last movie you watched on your own? The Shining, I think, forever ago. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? Scrambled. Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? I've never tried. Are you happy with your relationship with God, or do you want more from it? I don't have one. Do you struggle with boredom? Very, very severely. I have absolutely awful anhedonia; I'm pretty much constantly bored. Literally. I just... find things to pass the time, even if I'm not really enjoying myself. What famous person do you wish you could be friends with? I'm going to assume here you don't mean a significant other, because uh... y'all been known lmaooo. I would really love to be friends with Gab Smolders (I know that's not her real name, just using her YT name), because we have very similar interests. As well, Suzie Hanson is a fucking SWEETHEART. I miss her channel. :( At some point I want to purchase some stuff from her store to support the darling. Man, thinking of this question, there's really a lot. What would you do if you were famous? Hate it, haha. Do you wish you hair were shorter or longer? It's at a fine length right now. What photo editing website or software do you use? Lightroom and Photoshop. What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color? I think my hair looked best black. It's naturally brown. What is your favorite show to watch? Meerkat Manor. It is so, so comforting to me. Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? Not with kids, oddly enough. I've only ever really encountered strong protective instincts with significant others like when they're sick or something like that. In school, do you/did you work better by yourself or in a group? I absolutely worked better alone. I hated group work. Do you know anyone who has a collection of old records? My mom did, once upon a time. I feel like I know someone who does now... but idk. Do you go on any forums often? Just RP ones. Would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone? Nnnnope. Do people always say you’re too thin? Uh, I have the opposite problem. Could you design a whole web page yourself? Not from scratch, no. I've only done so on free sites that give you the bare bones and easy editing. Have you ever cooked an entire dinner for your family? Definitely not. Do you prefer piano music or violin music? Ohhhh, both are beautiful, but I have to say violin. Who do you tend to get in fights with the most? My mom, I guess, not that we fight a lot. Are you attracted to spooky and macabre things naturally? YEP. Have you ever bobbed for apples? Were you successful? No. It's disgusting if you're going after others, and besides, I HATE water up my nose and have never quite figured out how to block it out without plugging it. Hypothetically speaking, if you had a child [too young to make their own decisions], what would you dress him/her up as for Halloween? It would depend on what their interests were. Do you intend to take your children trick-or-treating, if ever you have any? I'm not having kids, but if I did, I definitely would if they wanted to go. What is the coolest jack-o-lantern you have ever seen? Now THAT'S hard, I really don't know. What was your favorite candy to get from trick-or-treating? What about your least favorite? Reese's was my favorite, and I never liked Tootsie Rolls. Did you ever receive anything that wasn’t candy? Maybe? I feel like I have... Have you ever carved a really extensive pumpkin, or were they always simple carvings? Yes; I once carved a pumpkin with a raven design with "and quoth the raven, 'nevermore'" written into the back. The raven wasn't just a flat cut-out, but rather carved in layers so the light came through differently at certain depths. Are you more interested in cute, funny, “sexy”, or scary costumes? For myself, absolutely the scary ones. In general though, I'm not gonna BS ya, I love me some sexy costumes, haha, but also still scary and particularly gory ones. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I seriously hate admitting this, but Mom has confessed that my yelling has scared her before when scolding our former dog that I fucking hated. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on your with gifts.) I absolutely need words of affirmation. I just need to hear a lot that you do still like/love me. Also, if you're unwilling to actually act like we're a couple in front of ANYONE, like you're ashamed of me or something, byyyyeeee. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends, I guess. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? Any that have underlying medical issues, like pugs, spider ball pythons, Persian cats, etc. etc... It's just a moral thing; I don't want to support the deliberate continuation of poor genes in animals for human monetary gain. It's just wrong to me. Away from breeds, I also don't really want free-roaming animals after my cat passes, because I don't want to endanger the reptiles and invertebrates I want as pets in the future. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? I grew up in one, yes. I never want to again. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? No. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job nowadays. I do NOT want to imagine what my life will be like if I never find employment. If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? This hasn't happened, no. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? Honestly, I want to try weed to see if it would help my anxiety, BUT I'm unwilling to ever smoke something, so no. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you listen to country music? No. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Were you ever a trouble maker? Not really, no. Do you shave your legs? Hell, that's debatable by this point. I haven't since this past October, but I *would* if for whatever reason someone might see my legs. I am not overexaggerating when I say I naturally have men's legs as far as hair goes, oof. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That's what my dad always drank when he was an alcoholic. He doesn't touch alcohol now. Have you ever gotten sloppy drunk at a party? No. Have you ever slept naked? Accidentally. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? I really don't think I could be. Do you actually like going to school? I never did. Have you ever really been in a “complicated relationship”? How did that work out? In your opinion, what makes a relationship “complicated”? No. I don't care enough to go into what a complicated relationship means, I think it's pretty obvious. Who was the first person you’ve ever fallen in love with? Is this a person you’re still in contact with? How do you know you’re in love with someone? Jason, and no. And you just... know. It's a wordless feeling . Have you ever successfully broken a bad habit? How about conquered a fear of something? Uhhhh I don't know, really. Well, I used to be AWFUL at picking my eyebrows, particularly when anxious, but I have gotten better at that. I still kinda do it, though. Onto the next question, I don't believe I've "conquered" a fear, but rather they just faded with time on their own. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Yeah. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? No. Have you ever tried to break a Guinness World Record? No. Can you sing your ABC’s backwards? I can't. Do you like Skittles? I love Skittles. Do you know how to read music? I used to. Who would you say has made the biggest impact on your life? Really, Jason. He ultimately led to me getting proper treatment for my depression, which changed my life. I'm in no way giving him credit for it, but you get what I mean. You can only listen to THREE CDs for the rest of your life. What are they? Black Rain and Ozzmosis by Ozzy Osbourne, and uhhh... perhaps The Black Album by Metallica. Do you own any shirts that have a year on it? Yeah, but it's way too small for me now. It's from Back To The Future, when we actually reached the date in the movie. Have you ever done another person’s make-up? Ha, I gave Jason a makeover once. Honestly, do you double dip? Not if I'm sharing the dip with other people. Who were you last on an elevator with? My mom. Do you know anyone that has a black belt in karate? Not to my knowledge. How often do you wear hats? Never. Who is the youngest gay person you know? *shrug* Have you ever watched an animal being eaten by another animal? I've seen cats eat mice and stuff as a kid. What is the strangest, most “out there” thing you believe? Some people I'm sure would consider the fact I believe the government was involved in 9/11 as "out there," but when you look into it, it's far from "out there." Do you get along with people who are especially religious? Why/why not? It depends on how they act about it, not what they keep in their head. Now if they have just purely hateful beliefs that demonize another's existence, then no, we can't get along. Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, yes, for an art class. Do you have any interesting pillow cases? No. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees, generally. Especially if we're talking things like wasps, who are just demon spawns. Would you rather donate time, blood, or money? That's a really hard question, but I guess time? Like I'm thinking volunteer work and stuff, or listening to and comforting someone. Can grills be sexy on a guy? They're sexy on absolutely no one. Last strong smell you can remember smelling? Ugh, gasoline. This one car in front of my mom and me smelled awful. Last healthy thing you ate? Apples. Do you know anybody who was abused? Emotionally, yes. Do your parents volunteer anywhere? No. Do you have a steering wheel cover? Mom's car doesn't. What do you think of when you see sharp knives? This is really morbid, but I will immediately envision what it would be like to be stabbed. I'm very afraid of knives. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; choose your route. The back roads, of course. And let me bring my camera.

[ambitcxious-a]

* ABBEY LEE KERSHAW, FEMALE + SHE/HER  | you know ADELAIDE MONTSERRAT, right? they’re 27, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWO YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to EVE BY KAT CUNNING like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole FAWN-EYED, BOWED LEGS,  EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is OCTOBER & 30TH, so they’re a SCORPIO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( lenny, 24, est+2, she/her )

tw: depression, eating / psychological disorders, animal abuse, drugs

ABOUT.

name: adelaide montserrat

nickname: addie

age: 27

pronouns: she/her

occupation: socialite, philanthropist, prodigy ballerina

gender: cis female

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

The Montserrat established themselves in Barcelona, Spain, over millennia ago,  known as fierce leaders and ruthless business men, quick to make a name for themselves the trading and exporting business,  while the women in the bloodline were promptly pushed aside from books and history, hiding somewhere between a stove and their husband’s fists.  

Adelaide Montserrat was different, that’s what everybody thought - she was graceful, even as a child, she didn’t cry, even as a toddler, and she never ached for her mother’s arms, even as an infant. An early bloomer of exceptional talent, she could dance as soon as she could walk. And yet Adelaide was never one to develop long-lasting or intimate relationships with her peers --- people never seemed to be comfortable sitting with her for long.  Maybe it was because there was never a girl there to begin with, and intimacy betrayed the act:  there was no child,  only a pale, wide-eyed zombie, always hungry,  always empty. 

If you dared to pry beyond the red curtains, you’d not find the delicate creature strangers saw twirling on the stage, but the bottomless edge of an abyss, waiting to swallow you whole as it looked back with smiling teeth. Little Addie, once a girl with pink tutus and ballerina shoes, was never one to be meddled with - while she could easily captivate the hearts of her peers and teachers with red cheeks and a clever tongue, there was nothing warm or kind about the little girl whose parents held so close she nearly choked to death.

Adelaide was the product of a one night stand and poor lack of judgement, or so her mother liked to recount. Her father — whomever he was, was a married man with a lot to lose, and her mother might not have known much — but she knew alimony payments would beat whatever he was willing to offer her in order to get rid of Adelaide. So, she kept the baby, and even then --- she was unbearable.  Adelaide kicked, day and night, as soon as her legs could muster, like she couldn’t stand to be trapped in the womb a moment longer.

They were living largely, manors and pools and cocktails, while Addie grew up receiving the best education money could buy, alternating between hunting and horseback riding on weekends, and training classical instruments such as the cello and piano in her spare time. Being praised for her dedication and skill, for some time, she indulged the idea of becoming a professional pianist, if only to please her parents, but the idea was soon took a backseat in her mind when she discovered just how good she was at ballet.

Adelaide had always been more of a shiny trophy to flaunt at parties rather than daughter or grandchild to dot upon, so by the time she was 13 her family was quite happy to ship her to Paris, if it meant she would enroll in the prestigious Paris Opera Ballet School and make a name for herself. She’d still come home to visit on holidays, that was until her mother moved to New York in order to appease bachelor number three: CEO of Belmont Entertainment Industries (BEI), one of the largest record labels in the U.S, with a side of illegal activities they didn’t really care to discuss at dinner.

It didn’t take long for Addie to make an impression, she was dedicated — hungrier than the other girls, always willing to push a little further, go a little deeper, die a little more. All of the shouting, the groping, the self-hatred, she never broke. Had it been not for her ego and pride, she would’ve been flawless. You’d assume being the young and on the spotlight meant competing for attention - but she never competed. She never even considered it a competition. She won, plain and simple. You see, Adelaide didn’t lose, because she tailored the game to her whims and batted her heavy set of lashes to make it seem fair. And if she did lose - the game be damned; she’d destroy it and any evidence of her failure. She didn’t want to be daughter, or something for men to gawk at, or a pretty glittered thing for little girls to worship. She wanted to be something else. Anything other than this empty shell, dripping with self-loathing , cloaked in a veil of perfectionism. Something that wasn’t rammed into this golden mold before she even took her very first breath.

Fueled by her own insecurities and desire to obtain perfection, paired with the crowd of rich kids that were offered to her as friends growing up, it didn’t take for things to escalate; by the age of only fourteen, drugs, alcohol and kicking each other in the stomach while crouching over the toilet was considered as an act of solidarity. All that deep-rooted self-hatred had to spill someway, somehow, and what are friends for if not offer you relief from the agony of routine?  

It was easier to strap on those old ballerina shoes and put on a show until her toes were bleeding, than to try and show them what was behind the curtains. People don’t want to know what’s behind the curtain — they think they do, until they see it. To live in blissful ignorance is a gift, one she was denied. And all jewelry in the world, all praise, all money and countless designer bags she accumulated over the years could never fill up that gaping hole, that detachment she felt towards the outside world and inability to connect with things and people - even those supposedly closest to her.

With age, Addie learned how to put on a show, be it at home or on a stage; that’s the magic of a ballerina, to empty yourself of that hatred, all that pain, all that ugliness and fill yourself with stories other than your own -  while whatever had been good and soft rots inside you .

And while she made a name for herself, starring role in all the big plays, working with the best and only the best, the tabloids would instiguate: who is Adelaide Montserrat? The reincarnation of the Virgin Mary to some, the dutiful daughter to others, is she a saving angel or a spoiled heir?  She used to laugh, like it was a game - like the answer wasn’t there at all . Maybe what she truly was, was a game of smoking mirrors - a fragmented image, bouncing from broken piece to broken piece, scattered into so many tiny, pretty pieces, that when she looks into a it, the reflection that stares back is unrecognizable.

Adelaide was never their perfect little doll, tied to strings, sitting still waiting to be manuevered . For some time she had watched, prowling quietly in the shadows, observing, learning. She found distraction and excitement in the shadows, drugs, married men, booze, pills - and when those didn’t cut it, she dug a little deeper.

So the child prodigy suddenly moves back to the home, with a ring on her finger and a skeleton on her closet,  all to   shield   from the rising scandal and nonsensical, if you were to ask, accusations of pushing a fellow ballerina down a flight of stairs. Alas, the show must go on, and Adelaide had no plans to stay out of the spotlight for long, or take the fault for somebody else’s imbalance. With some reluctance, she agreed to lay low, but just for how long she’d able to tolerate it, that was anyone’s guess.

Parents often say kids will “grow out of it”; their fits of rage, their apathy towards other children, their unwillingness to share, their manipulative, spoiled ways of obtaining the things they want- but Addie never did. Somewhere inside there’s still that little girl who’d rather break her toys in half than to share it with other kids. Who’d bump into other little girls at school to watch them fall, and tell the nurse they tripped. The little girl who’ll sit in an empty throne, all alone, built with the bones of the people she once claimed to love.

here’s some wc ideas i thought might be cool, but ofc feel free to come brainstorm!!

husband  - it was a marriage of opportunity rather than love, at least for adelaide - a way to deflect attention, however how he feels is completely up to you. she’s manipulative and charming, but can also be extremely cruel if even mildly contradicted

bookclub ( 0/5 ) - just women she hangs out with while trying to fit in and “have ties with the community”. she usually sucks at bonding and sharing, so this could make for some interesting dynamics

lover - adelaide switches it up every couple months, but maybe she has a soft spot for them? maybe they’re also in a relationship? maybe it’s all fucked up and adelaide likes to be nasty, what the fuck else is new

ex - lover - fed up with adelaide? me too. join the club. 

childhood friend - i feel like she might’ve permanently scarred this person for life by ( animal abuse tw ) killing a bird in front of them or something. adelaide was truly a fucking... terror as a child, and i doubt she was a good friend, bc she still isn’t

prodigy that she’s taken under her wings - maybe a young person who loves ballet that she decided to mentor out of the kindness of her heart? *coughs boredom coughs*

drug dealer - probably has a crush on them bc they indulge her bad habits ngl

idk man giv e me   s t u f f  !!!

also romantic connections are open to men and women pls. the only straight she is is a straight up bitch. 

[a-woman-apart]

Separating the Boys from the Men

Yes, that title is click bait, and if you keep reading, you’ve been warned. I’ve got a lot to get off my chest, and it’s going to involve defending masculinity, femininity, and our right to BEHAVE LIKE CHILDREN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES because in many ways, we already do. 

Let’s get straight to the point. As Millennials, regardless of our age, financial status, or level of “success” (air quotes 100% intentional) we have been accused of being lazy, entitled, and way too enthusiastic about avocado toast. At the same time, we have been described as having enough power to decimate the napkin industry, the diamond industry, and the concept of traditional marriage. We have been accused of a collective “Peter Pan” syndrome, because we “refuse” to cut off papa’s apron strings and get off the proverbial mama’s teats. 

Wonderful to know. 

Let’s unpack the “lazy” bit. Supposedly, this is tied to the fact that we have access to higher education, we [often, not always] have parents who financially support or house us well into adulthood. 

So now, my question is, Gen X (the entitled ones, ironically) and Salty Boomers, YOU DIDN’T? 

What do you call that “inheritance” you received? What do you call that education your parents paid for that was less than 1/3 what we have to pay? For Boomers, how do you explain the lavish weddings, cheap [and apparently nuke proof] home appliances, and “nights out on the town” that you were able to afford by working at whatever passed for a McDonald’s back in the day? Working on a farm, at a grocery store, or in retail used to ACTUALLY provide a livable wage; for us, those are a “side hustle” and we still have to get a “big boy job” that usually requires an education that can put us over $100,000 in debt by age 30. 

Hate to say it, but if you hadn’t made most of your income “during the War” or in  the absolute economic boom that followed it, you wouldn’t survive 24 hours in our shoes before having an emotional collapse.  

Despite the disastrous living conditions of the U.S. in the 21st Century, not much has changed in how men define their level of “manliness.” 

Financial gains (stocks, bonds, portfolio, bank account) 

Bro “gains” (a.k.a. “gym gains”, how “Gaston” they are, including whether they want to go for the Adonis, Apollo, or Brawny boi look, or just how far they can throw something or how “boyish” they look if strength isn’t an option and they suffer from femme-levels of body dysmorphia) 

Body count (since we’re in a time of peace and not literally war, this is LITERALLY a modern term describing how many people you’ve slept with, and I have never heard an adult man, regardless of sexual orientation, who isn’t a little concerned about putting those notches in the bed post, and if not that, VERY concerned about his bedroom performance: it’s quality vs. quantity) 

Kill death Ratio (I know this is a video game term now, but did you know that before video games, men in England used to regularly get on horseback, get a bunch of hounds together, and chase down tiny foxes and rabbits? FOR FUN?!?!? Did you know, that before modern sports ((including Esports)), men used to just fight to the death, regularly, even if an official war wasn’t going on? It was known as “dueling”, and in less socially developed societies, men still behave like this. So the next time you complain about “male rage” and how heartless it is to make live chickens fight, note that even though we’ve quelled male anger and hostility on some level, you will NEVER be able to take away man’s urge to destroy. Boys and men will always like knocking things over, building things from the rubble, and ruling shit. It’s what they do-- and we women can and do, too, but we have a LOT more risk-aversion and self-preservation, which is a blessing and a curse for our species-- but we just need to make sure humanity as a whole stays...chill)

So what, say ye, has changed about how WOMEN define themselves now vs. in the past. I would say that very little has changed, but the level of internalized misogyny, insecurity, and good-old fashioned denial has SKYROCKETED. 

Let’s look at some terms of how the majority of women value themselves. 

Financial Security (few women will admit to “wanting to be rich”, because that sounds kind of “Trump”, but plenty will talk about having minimum income requirements for their partner(s), wanting to retire at a young age so they can “travel the world”, wanting to eliminate their debts, etc. It’s different language but essentially it translates to: I want to work so hard or marry into so much wealth that I never want to worry about money after age 35. #Hustle) 

Looks (it doesn’t matter if you want a Kardashian butt, you’re in the body positivity movement, or you just want to “dress like a bawse” women are just as obsessed with clothes, image, and body weight/shape/size as they ever were, it is just that now that we’ve “slain the patriarchy” we have more fashion options than ever before, because “boy clothes” are just as “in” as femme ones)

Ability to attract a partner (some women, like me, “chase”, but thanks to biology, most women, regardless of sexual orientation, seem to enjoy being pursued more than being Artemis-style hunters. This is evidenced by the fact that when the feminist owner of Bumble changed the rules of the dating website to where women had to start conversations with men rather than vice versa ((a move that had ostensibly zero effect on lesbian matching)) 72% of women that she later surveyed stated that they liked it better when men were approaching them rather than the other way around. I am sure Bumble’s female CEO was shook ((as was I)), especially because she made the change to empower women, and apparently 72% of women didn’t want the power because it meant they now had the power to face rejection, and it made them uncomfortable. Big yikes. So much for #EndPatriarchy and #ChivalryisDead ?)

Playing house (this is probably going to get me some unfollows, but I’ll take my chances. Women, regardless of sexual orientation, often seem to be REALLY into having babies or just “playing house.” There’s also men like this, too, “Family men” as they’re aptly called, men in love with fatherhood ((or just being called “daddy”, and that will never not be weird)). So many women who never want to pop out a baby describe being taken by an OVERWHELMING urge to fuck during their “fertile window” ((or is that just me?)) and seeing every baby alive as the cutest human being ever once we pass the tender age of 25. The biological clock is REAL, and I learned the hard way that being bisexual and having immense fear of pregnancy and childbirth didn’t spare me from the awful truth of my biology. 

I really don’t want to keep making references to modern video games, but they seem to serve the dual purpose of being deeply satisfying and helping us to quell “problematic” urges, including that one to dominate and destroy the world. For a lot of women gamers, though, our choices ((on a broad scale, every #girlgamer is different)) deviate from men’s in some interesting ways. 

#1: We still love The Sims Franchise way more than guys do 

Not only do we love it, but while a lot of men (again, #notallmen) tend to build elaborate neighborhoods to extensively mod and destroy them in terrifying ways, I still see women gamers taking obscene amounts of time to design homes, raise happy little families, and cause TERRIFYING blood feuds by having Sims marry Sims from rival families ((I guess we’re more Shakespeare than we thought, eh ladies?))

#2: We make up most of mobile gaming

Most male gamers think mobile games “aren’t real” and I tend to agree, but a mobile game is invaluable for when I, a woman, have time to kill between the 3 jobs I hypothetically have and I and don’t want to whip out something like a Nintendo 2DS that is both unwieldly and attracts the eyes of every impoverished, thieving human being in a .5 mile radius. #RiskAversion. These games are often low-quality, mindless, and insanely easy, but that is WHY WE LIKE THEM. Our entire life is a job. #Hustle

#3 We also love farming sims and RPGs

While we-- and most male Millennials-- beg god to not have to birth calves, milk cows, or labor in the tomato fields under the hot sun, most of us have no objection to having our virtual avatars perform the same back-breaking tasks to the tune of cheerful chiptune music. Also, even though men definitely enjoy them, too, I have never met a woman gamer who didn’t enjoy a nice RPG; why do you think we’re such avid readers of fantasy/romance YA? 

We want to be transported to a different world, and if you won’t take us there, we’re happy to go there virtually ((because we probably can’t afford travel; we’re still millennials)). 

Ability to murder people who threaten our young or our partner(s) (Okay this one is a bit more complicated, but I’m just going to tell you a bit about female animals. DON’T MESS WITH THEIR BABIES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Human females, are, in that regard, just as savage, if not more so, than our male counterparts. 

I’ve never heard of any woman ((outside of prison, maybe)) who killed another woman for “looking at her weird” or saying “your mama” too many times. I’ve heard plenty of women threaten literal murder because another woman ((or man, we’re #progressive)) came too close to her romantic/sexual partner, or another human being threatened harm on our kids or our “squad.” 

I don’t know where the meme truly originated from, but “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again” is SUCH a Mom thing to say. So much misandry is wrapped up in the idea that men are predators, and that is true, but not in the excessively sexually deviant ways you think ((that’s only sometimes true)). They just like hunting things, including people, but if you give them a toy to play with ((I MEAN ACTUAL TOY OMG)) they seem alright. Let them go play with their cars, Xbox, [insert whatever] or something. They’re men, okay, they’re easily distracted/impressed/occupied. 

Women, on the other hand, have seemed to be having an EXTREME amount of trouble curbing that baby-making urge, or the Excessive Nurturing Urge, that one that makes you ask your grown husband if he’s remembered to pack lunch for work or if he remembered to pack money for his playdate with his bros, because he’s gonna need money at Six Flags and you aren’t going to bring it to him because he should’ve remembered, you reminded him 30093390 times. 

THAT’S NOT HIS FAULT. HE HAS MANAGED BY SOME MIRACLE TO STAY ALIVE FOR 33 YEARS. THAT’S YOU, SWEETIE. STOP BEING SUCH A MOM. GO BE A NURSE, DOCTOR, OR SOCIAL WORKER OR SOMETHING OMG. 

In summary...

What separates the “men from the boys” or the “women from the girls” isn’t the era that we were born in to, our economic status, or whether we’ve been able to “conquer” our biology. That’s definitely not possible yet, chiefly because transhumanism involves a lengthy, ethics-guided process, and even if we all turn into cyborgs, the goal is to become BETTER humans, not LESS humane. Societal advancements have done more in terms of making us healthier, less destructive citizens of planet earth than raw technology ever can and ever will. Rapid technological advancement, when not combined with respect for morality, ethical standards of living for humans and all other life forms, almost always leads to human slavery, widespread abuse of animals, sex trafficking, and environmental destruction, because the “rules of supply and demand”, when not governed by strong international trade laws, dictate that consumers should be supplied with whatever they demand, because the suppliers can profit, and their right to profit should be defended at any cost. 

So, in summary, I believe that “adulting” involves giving up on entitlement. What separates a truly childish human being-- regardless of their actual age-- from someone who is, in essence, “adulting” is experience, and how much those experiences serve to broaden that person’s perspective. It is an extremely childish, self-centered view, to think that you “deserve” anything for being “a good person” or, in the case of many a “woman child” or “man child” in media and in real life, just being “not so bad.” 

Grown-ups are able and willing to do something that is known as “delaying gratification” which is the simple ability to delay a temporary pleasure for a long-term gain. Grown-ups are also able to perform true “cost-benefit analyses” to determine if a course of action, business deal, or even relationship is worth their time and effort. Finally, grown-ups are able and willing and able to make an informed choice and stick to it; in essence, we don’t try to “have our cake and eat it too” we understand that once we’ve eaten that cake, the cake is gone, but we also realize that if we are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, we can earn the ingredients to make ourselves another cake to eat, even if we might need a lot of help from other adults in getting those ingredients (we call this teamwork and cooperation). 

Children, on the other hand (in literal and metaphorical terms), are very impatient. They get angry when things don’t go their way, and instead of taking the steps needed to improve their situation, they storm off and return home. It doesn’t matter if their home is with their parents, with their 3 roommates, or with their husband or wife, these people throw tantrums, refuse to communicate/cooperate, and stew in their displeasure until someone feels sorry for them and fixes their problem for them. They lack the ability to work through daily life problems and refuse to take any responsibility for how their actions or inaction contributed to their dilemma. 

There is one difference with an actual human child or teen, though, is that they have an excuse. Their brains are still developing, and they haven’t had the chance to live through these situations yet; these are new challenges to them. Even if they do have a “bad attitude”, with help from peers and patients, principled adult mentors and teachers, these cantankerous kids can grow into well-adjusted, able adults. The high levels of neuroplasticity in their brains actually make it so that it is easier for them to accept large amounts of sensory data and to learn from processing and practicing using it.

An “adult child” is someone who, more often than not, has been coddled instead of challenged. These people have often faced no significant hardships in life. There is a reason why, even after we have recognized the immense downsides of authoritarian parenting and have demonstrated psychological harms of corporal punishment for kids, we still call “bad kids” and “irresponsible adults” spoiled. 

Authoritarianism produces rigid, scared people who often struggle with critical thinking and self-esteem or end up being authoritarian parents themselves, but that last one is actually one of the less likely options. Children of authoritarian parents often develop Borderline Personality Disorder or become defiant against authority (shocker). Overly permissive or overly neglectful parenting, though, are parental styles most associated with producing narcissists, who often become authoritarian parents, because when their kids challenge them, they completely lack the patience or emotional capacity to deal with it and resort to “because I said so”, stonewalling and/or physical abuse as forms of “character-building.” 

The reason why overly permissive parents spoil their kids is because kids actually do need discipline and guidance, and so these kinds of parents produce kids who are outwardly capable and confident but completely lack any of the life skills to justify it, and when they ask their parents for advice they are just met with a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo or told to just avoid the conflict rather than resolve it. These kids grow into adults who are still sad little kids inside, because they never grew up, but now they’re sad little kids who are articulate and well-spoken and now can-- and often have no choice-- but to con their way through adult life because they’ve maxed out Charisma and they have almost no points in Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom, or Dexterity.

The only parenting style worse than Authoritarian and Neglectful/Permissive is Mixed, in which a child grows up in a COMPLETELY unpredictable environment where the rules of the game change from day to day, and parents either give their children no attention at all, or they practically lock them up and throw away the key. Being raised like this is associated with the worse outcomes for the child throughout life. 

So, why am I now talking about parenting styles? Because, for all that we love to trash Boomers and large swaths of Gen X on this page, we can’t forget where they came from, so we cannot allow them to forget WHO THEY MADE. It isn’t an accident that even though we live in the times of incredible economic hardship, WE are the generation (and Gen Z, to some extent) that got hooked on reality TV, video games, and social media in incredibly unhealthy ways. A lot of us 30+ millennials are growing out of it, and a lot of us have realized that it is an invaluable (and damn near unavoidable) way of marketing our products and talents. We’re often self-employed because that’s our only option in most cases. 

The issue with Gen Z (who, while we called “Zoomers” now just all themselves “Doomers” and I think we should be a bit concerned about that) is that unlike us, they have no memory of “Before the Internet.” We remember dial up, we remember before that when you played outside untl the sun went down. They don’t have the privilege of being linked to that history. 

Now, we have to be the Bigger Person. It’s our time to be Grown-Ups. Gen Z feels really fucking lost right now, and hearing us whine about our parents probably makes them pretty pissed off, when some of us older millennials are the parents, aunts/uncles, and older siblings to Gen Z kids. Even if we can’t be mentors, we have to lead by example, because we have a responsibility to these kids. A lot of them aren’t stupid, they see exactly what’s happening and they feel incredibly hopeless about it. Greta Thunberg is still 16 years old. She shouldn’t be out there doing that; I mean seriously, climate change is accelerating, but it isn’t even as bad as Al Gore said, it’s still reversible, but the fact that SHE FELT SHE HAD TO makes us shitty people. ALL OF US. 

So you know, we all need to stop being hypocrites. We need to stop being entitled. We need to stop thinking this is about us. It isn’t. Not even close. We’re not important, even if our videos go viral or if we’re swimming in cash next to hot models by a huge swimming pool. America’s fucked up. I hate to sound Republican, but it’s because of our values. We suck at valuing what’s important, and if we don’t change that soon, it’s really going to suck to live in America. 

It already does.  

[toxicpineapple]

Please give me your amami essay, I'd like to know the TEA! I was also gonna ask for the mastermind essay, but honestly I REALLY wanna hear your thoughts on his characterization (and your thoughts on his shitty fanon characterization)

HOOO BOY OKAY. this is good, it gives me an excuse to procrastinate on reading that new amasai fic on the latest feed. (note that i REALLY WANT TO READ IT, i’m just anticipating commenting and tbh the spoons,,, i lack them. it’s okay though i’ll get over it.)

so!!! let’s start with general attitude, because i think that amami’s is really unique. he’s a subversive character. in general i feel like that was the biggest goal with his character design and personality combination-- he looks like a total playboy, kaede even comments as much moooore than once. but he’s the absolute opposite. i’ll rant about that in a bit. i’ve already gone off on a tangent and i said i was gonna talk about attitude.

amami is laid back, but not to the point of complacency. y’know what i mean? like, he’s relaxed, but he’s on his guard, too. his speaking style is pretty casual (typically he’ll greet people with a “hey,” whenever he’s slightly uncomfortable he’ll probably say “haha”... this isn’t necessarily a canon thing but i like it when people have him talking in sentence fragments. ex. “forgot to grab my jacket” or “wanted to get a snack” sort of thing) and that’s just,,, the type of person he is. he’s casual. it’s remarkable considering how wealthy amami is-- though bear in mind, he still IS wealthy, so there are bound to be things he doesn’t understand about people-- that he can be so normal and like, down to earth, in a way. when people mess around with him he’ll probably just laugh it off.

to cite a fic i read once that had REALLY phenomenal characterisation, imo, ouma ends up dumping a bucket of water on amami’s head (on accident; there are some semantics and i won’t get into it but again the fic is really good and funny and you should totally read it) and amami just squeezes out his shirt and makes a couple cracks before walking away. (sorry this isn’t meant to be a “dumping love on fics” post but GOD that fic is hysterical.) he’s an enabler too, at least i think so-- remember that anthology chapter where kaede, shuichi, and kaito are trying to catch ouma and kaito sets an “amami trap” to stop him? all ouma has to do is flutter his eyelashes and go “pleeeaaase let me go amam~niichan!” and then he just. he does. what a fucking doormat i can’t believe him.

he’s like that though. i feel like big brother stuff is kind of his weakness. (and not in a kinky way alright i will destroy you. he might make a joke about having a sister complex in one of his ftes but he DOESNT that joke was just tasteless COME ON RANTARO WHFKLDSJFK) which brings me to his whole older brother thing, because like,,, YEAH. guy grew up with twelve younger sisters!!! and he remarked in his ftes with shuichi that they’re mostly step sisters, which means he just.... has a nurturing personality. i mean amami is somewhat conservative (if you try to come on to him during salmon mode you will be brutally rebuffed; amami tells u to keep your horny thoughts to yourself, though you shouldn’t be ashamed of having them) so i imagine he’s not the biggest fan of his father’s tendencies-- not that i don’t NECESSARILY interpret his father’s behaviour as him sleeping around.... it’s possible he just likes children and deliberately marries women who already have kids so he can take them... i mean it’s exceedingly decent to keep considering ur step children to be your children after a divorce so i have a hard time reconciling this common image of rantaro’s dad as some kind of player figure with the impression i got of him in my head but that’s just my daddy issues coming into play again so ignore me-- and yet he still considers all his sisters to be his sisters.

not to mention he feels a great deal of like, responsibility, when it comes to taking care of them. i find it impossible to believe that all the losses were his fault. you could ARGUE that the one he tells you about with his younger sister was to be blamed on him? but i mean, amami is a child. he didn’t even know his sister was following him out. sure he blames himself for it but there’s no real good way to blame him just considering that,,, he’s a kid. and he was so young-- he was obviously so young-- when it happened. so like, not to be all Good and Bad on you, but i do feel that amami is fundamentally a good reason. and you SEE that too, in the killing game. i’m certain he was on the fence about trusting that note he woke up with. would you trust it? he had no memory whatsoever of writing it, all he had were the words “ultimate hunt” and a map of the school to guide his way. i imagine he wasn’t even sure if he should do what the note said. but then ryoma started talking about sacrificing himself for everyone else, and rantaro probably thought, “well... if i have a way to get us out of here, even if it doesn’t work, i can’t just let ryoma sacrifice himself without having tried.”

rantaro is self-reliant too, i think. in the talent development plan mukuro remarks that she noticed he was injured a good number of times, but never said anything about it because she felt like he was trying to keep it under wraps. (note: good idea for an amami and mukuro friendship fic. must write. someone remind me.) i think amami kind of feels isolated from his classmates? either because he has these perceived notions of like, independence and whatever, not burdening anybody else with his problems (honestly not to go chabashira on main but wtf men ask for help c’mon i promise if you find a person who’s worth being in ur life they won’t treat you like shit for feeling ur feelings) or just because he’s not around a lot. i think amami is the type of person to invalidate his own problems a lot, or at least downplay them to others. he blames himself for all his sisters going missing, took the responsibility to find them all. you know the blow that’s going to be to his education? traveling around the world looking for twelve different people? and he plans to keep doing that!!! forever!!! ugh ;-; poor babey. but anyway i feel like he doesn’t want to tell anybody about his problems because he feels like it’s his thing to deal with.

i also believe that rantaro is a bit prideful. i mean, anyone can be prideful under the correct circumstances, and in fact there is a great deal of pride that simply isn’t addressed by the fandom in analysing characters and that makes me really sad because pride is such a SEXY character flaw but i’ll leave that alone for now. he hates being told to give up on what he’s doing. i mean everyone in his life has been telling him to stop looking for his sisters. that’s got to suck, but also, DAMN look at what his reaction was. this utter refusal to open up to anybody. shuichi’s ftes with him are spent pretty much just trying to get amami to stop squirreling around and actually TALK to him. amami asks shuichi at one point if he has any siblings and when the response is negative, amami immediately assumes that shuichi wouldn’t understand, would tell him to quit. just like everyone else.

(i mean, even with kiyo and mukuro, whose circumstances mirror his almost painfully at least in willingness to sacrifice stuff for their siblings, he doesn’t tell them what he’s doing, just that he’s doing it for his sister-- singular-- and that he would do anything for her. kiyo and mukuro!! out of ANYBODY, they would understand. in tdp they DO talk about it-- kiyo encourages him to keep searching-- as his friend...... fuck amaguji is such a good ship even if the implications of kiyo saying he wants to meet rantaro’s sister after he finds her bc she must be suuuuch a good person if he’s doing all this for her are uhhh not great-- and mukuro immediately understands when he says it’s to do with his younger sister. like, full stop. she just goes “okay” and goes serious. all at once. damn rantaro, mukuro, and kiyo really do be a power trio huh. i need to write more fic about them i miss them.)

this is more into baseless conjecture so take this as you will, but i also think rantaro is kind of,,, easily distracted lmao. he mentions helping out a village with a disease-- been a while since i’ve seen his ftes, sorry for any inconsistencies-- among other shit and like... bro what are you DOING. you have sisters to find. and he can’t be getting injured all the time, getting wrapped up with gang violence and all that, looking for people who were lost traveling. i mean sure, you could say they went all over the world and got wrapped up in all sorts of mess, but more likely they stayed in roughly the same area, waiting for him to come back. and also? i have a hard time believing his sisters were lost in these remote forest places people always put them. COME ON, who the fuck goes to some village for a vacation? a RICH person no less. i’m on another tangent. sorry. but yeah, i love the people who write rantaro as an absolute airhead. i headcanon that he has no way of judging the passing of time and thus is the absolute worst in the bathroom bc he sits there for twenty minutes thinking about the universe and then walks out like “:) ok ready to go” like wtf are you even doing there stupid akljdf anyway.

i think rantaro is softhearted and thoughtful. in his ftes with kaede he demonstrates an ability to look past what people show at surface level-- you can ask him about miu, kiibo, or kiyo and he’ll give u Good Fucking Insight(tm)-- and analyse their intentions more closely. and i mean this is just from a couple day’s interaction. he’s down to earth for sure, understanding when people are intimidated but also caring and observant. (his “talk about a first impression” line is so fuckaindgf.... good for his characterisation. i love romantic amamatsu but he so clearly takes an older brother role in those ftes, he’s really such a sweetheart,,,, hnadhfkj ;w;) rantaro is just. he’s patient with people. and selfless and kind. idk it’s all the good stuff. warm smiles and indulgence. all the way. probably lets kokichi steal his lunch.

THAT BEING SAID: i think rantaro also has a very serious streak. he doesn’t show it a lot but there are moments. he’s self-sacrificing-- i mean, obviously. he was the ultimate survivor, after all. some people hc that he got there by killing, or maybe everyone else in his game died but one person, but bro that doesn’t make any sense???? no. what happened was there were probably like three people left, and monokuma was like “one has to be sacrificed” and rantaro thought, welp. it’ll be me then. and i wouldn’t say the choice would be immediate because rantaro DOES has self preservation instincts-- he’s only human-- but i don’t think he’d have let anybody else make that decision. i think ultimately he would try to protect other people.

he can be scarily confrontational too. i do believe he’d usually only do it in the defense of others-- like, his base instinct is to protect. i read a fic once (oumami, unfortunately) where ouma was committing crimes and went to hide behind rantaro and rantaro instinctively moved to protect him, and that’s.... that’s good characterisation. point one to the oumami stans, point zero to me. motherfucker. (love u oumami stans, it’s just not my thing.) i really like it in fics when he’s stern, lecturing people for hurting other people, but i also think rantaro is too understanding to be truly unforgiving. like if two people got into an argument and one came out of it more hurt than the other, i don’t believe that amami would be unsympathetic to the less hurt one. i think he’s mature enough to take a look at the situation and go, well, okay.

i think he’d be TERRIFYING when angry. he’s patient, y’know? so it takes a lot to get him to that point. he’s really, ah, accommodating of people. puts up with a lot of bs kind of thing. but i imagine the best way to get him to snap is by hurting someone he cares about. and at that point: ur fucked. i’ve never written it before because i’m terrified of what i’d do with that kind of power but.... imagine the shuichi whump. holy god.

i’m NOT here to talk about shuichi whump (though i’m down to do that any time of day believe me) so i’m gonna like. shhhhiiiiiiffft.

i project on characters a lot so at this point it’s difficult to distinguish if some of my characterisation things are like, actually characterisation things? or just me venting, so like, take nothing i say as canon, but also,,, akdsjf we love a man who bottles up his emotions.

because rantaro just doesn’t have the TIME to be crying all over the place. he was probably a total wreck when he lost his first sister. and his second. and maybe even his third. but then he started to gather his composure, more and more. because if there’s anything that rantaro has in excess, it’s composure. the more losses he suffers the more of a shield he builds up. and the self hatred and the guilt and the blame and the responsibility are piling up and up and up, but god he hates it when other people see him sad, because he needs to be the strong one, he can’t just pile that up on other people. that’s not their weight to carry, and besides, he’s the older brother, he should be able to deal with his own problems. he’d just be burdening the people he cares about by letting them see his demons.

and then he doesn’t have any coping mechanisms because he never lets himself feel enough to cope, and when people get close enough to actually CARE about him, when people notice he’s upset or struggling and offer him help, he doesn’t know how to deal with it-- and god he hates lashing out at people but it’s so much easier to deal with the consequences of being mean than the consequences of breaking down. only conflict is scary when he’s one of the causes so he needs time to recover, and well, what better way to do that than to get on a plane or a boat and go look for his sisters? after all he’s wasting time whenever he’s just sitting around, they’re still out there and he needs to find them, so might as well just keep pushing himself to the limits, because it’s his fault they’re lost anyway...

something mukuro said to rantaro in the talent development plan stuck in my brain. like, initially it’s just a funny and cute interaction (rantaro even blushes and a blushing rantaro is a GOOD FUCKING RANTARO) but when i thought about it more i was like.... huh. hm. angst ideas. mukuro makes a joke about rantaro going over to her stand at the festival to flirt with her-- i think that’s the context, i know it’s play-boy related-- and rantaro assures her (as he always does) that he’s not that kind of guy, and mukuro agrees, saying she was just pulling his leg and that he seems like the kind of person who gets dumped because he doesn’t show his emotions enough. rantaro laughs, blushes, and says “haha, not touching that one,” and akdjfnnnnnn god mukuro you’re so blunt i love you fkdjf but wow. i usually have rantaro as not having dated anyone, just because i feel like he kind of hyperfocuses on finding his sisters? and given that he’s like sixteen (seventeen at the MOST) there’s not much of a timeline for when his sisters got lost. in my fic search i had to cram all the losses into a four-year period and damn that was rough. anyway i just don’t think he’d really prioritise romance. but that reaction implies that that’s EXACTLY his experience with romance, which makes a bit of sense because mukuro is ridiculously sharp, and also it’s,, it’s just sad idk poor rantaro. getting dumped because he’s like the emotional equivalent of a doorknob when it comes to his own feelings.

i do think rantaro is a bit cowardly. not in the sense that he’d shy away from danger-- i think he’d RUSH INTO IT HEAD FIRST because he’s a man or whatever, i know he respects women but he does seem to hold some of those very stereotypically masculine ideals of constantly protecting those around him, which is like.... ok toxic masculinity mcgee can u and kaito stop throwing hands every time u see each other ty-- but more in the sense that he avoids,,, confrontation. emotional confrontation just ain’t his thing. and i think he’d rather run away from it or otherwise find some way of ignoring it than try to address his problems.

he would, with that in mind, probably try to associate with people who don’t push the matter. kiyo and mukuro, for example. they both have a fair amount of baggage themselves so they’d probably be respectful. ryoma is lowkey enough that he just, he wouldn’t bring that shit up, that’s uncool. i also think rantaro would get along REALLY WELL with kaito, and i actually don’t think kaito would pull his sidekick stuff with him? just because in a way they’re kind of kindred spirits, and i think kaito would see an ally in rantaro before seeing someone to try to nurture, so they’d probably have some kind of a truce like, if you don’t force me to be vulnerable, i won’t force you. one of the reasons why i love amamota so much is because it involves the two of them growing to care about each other beyond that sort of unhealthy camaraderie and breaking down each other’s barriers and i just..... hhnnfhhdkfj they could be so good for each other but nobody wants to talk about thatjslfkj

you weren’t asking for my amamota mess lmao sorry anon i get sidetracked SO easily. but yeah, amami gravitates towards people who wouldn’t try to get him to be more honest with himself. and i honestly think the v3 cast would be pretty good about that overall, except for shuichi who is a detective and has a habit of sticking his nose in places it shouldn’t be, but i see no reason to write that out because amami’s ftes already display that beautifully. (well, that’s a lie, i’m absolutely plotting out a slowburn in my head already that involves shuichi stripping down his walls one by one, but forget about all of that rn we don’t need to talk about why amasaimota is my ot3.) also he is softer on childish people like ouma and himiko. ain’t nobody wants to TALK TO ME about how brilliant it would be if rantaro and hiyoko were friends because hiyoko has such problems in that department and he would take one look at her and go hm. i’m adopting her. and he’s so fucking patient and nice and she’d lose the will to make fun of him and i have to do ALL THE GODDAMN WORK AROUND HERE but it’s fine. at least i get to write it.

i’ve described the fundamentals of his characterisation pretty well by now i think. i have some throwaway headcanons, like uhh,,

he’s claustrophobic

plays the guitar and the ukulele

he prefers warm weather and perishes in the cold

high pain tolerance

he’s a Good Cook

doesn’t like sex jokes (they make him uncomfortable)

asexual (i do like a good demisexual hc at all times of day tho)

master of piggyback rides

does his own piercings

impulsive as hell

gets lost easily but can always find his way back

has a lot of scars from travels

hands are rough and calloused (again from travels)

morning person

smells like evergreen (you know i had to, you know i did)

Radiates Heat Like A Fucking Toaster Oven

good hugs

hates tying his shoelaces

likes being the big spoon :)

has a tongue piercing

i said “some throwaway headcanons” but i ended up listing way more than i mean to. i’ll make a separate list of my rantaro headcanons someday and talk about them all in detail but for now, uh, there’s that.

SO AS FOR THE RANTARO CHARACTERISATIONS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE:

god where to fucking begin. actually i know exactly where to begin. it’s my least favourite one just because, like i said at the very beginning, rantaro is a subversive character. i mean i think he’s kind of a low hanging fruit when it comes to that. there are plenty of other subversive characters in the dr series but rantaro is like that. you expect a flirt and u get,,, a sweetheart. but then some people (usually the ones who ship him with female characters exclusively though i will see it on occasion in an amasai or oumami fic) decide to throw that out the window and make him a total playboy!! and listen, i have no problem with people who are a little flirty. we’re kids!! flirt ur heart out!!! and hey, that’s not what this is about but y’know what? so long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, then yeah!! exercise your sexual freedom and sleep with whoever you want to!!! i don’t think there’s anything wrong with messing around a little, dating who u wanna and experimenting with ur tastes and preferences. if rantaro WAS a playboy, then there would be nothing wrong with that. i would love him just the same because he’s such a fundamentally GOOD character.

except that.... he’s.......... NOT. you slaughter one of the biggest aspects of his character by throwing away what matters to him and making him some hunky-deep-voice-dreamboat dude meant to sweep kaede/tsumugi/whomsteverthefuck off her feet. rantaro is one of those characters where he’s so blatantly not that kind of person, and it’s like. it’s an affront, almost, to portray him that way? and i do believe you should have the freedom to write what you want, since we’re in that age (aside from romanticised pedophilia and incest; that shit ain’t cute, i say this often but pro-ship DNI) where u should be able to take some liberties, but it’s just. hnnn. it’s so frustrating. rantaro does not know how to smolder! if he DID smolder, he wouldn’t even realise he was doing it. he doesn’t have people lying at his feet, okay? he’s too flaky for that. i wouldn’t say he’s unreliable but he definitely ain’t at school as much as he should be.

another one that i hate: st-stalker? what the fuck? that is not sexy that is creepy and weird?

another another one that i hate: yandere? what the FUCK??? that is not sexy that is glorified ABUSE???? the yandere trope is AWFUL bc you’re taking a controlling relationship and turning it into a fetish. NO. if he limits ur contact with other people, if he follows u everywhere, if he threatens ur loved ones, if he tries to control you, ladies and gents and nonbinaries, he’s not a yandere, he’s an abuser and you need a fucking restraining order. actually, people of ANY gender or sex can perpetuate this behaviour and IT IS NOT CUTE. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT BOUNDARIES U SET IN PLACE, IF YOUR FREEDOM IS BEING RESTRICTED THAT IS ABUSE.

hate it when people make rantaro violent. hate it when people make rantaro a murderer. hate it when people make rantaro controlling. hate it when people make rantaro overtly sexual. some kind of sultry deep voice dominant kind of figure. dude, what the fuck? i don’t,, want to make any public comments about sex positions because i think that’s kind of Strange to just talk about on a post, but i do think that the way people portray him for their smuts is,,, idk it’s weird. i’m not gonna kinkshame u but like. :eyes:

i will however accept rantaro as a thrillseeker, or a highstrung rich boy, or a total space cadet, or a himbo, or a cryptid. these are all very good interpretations of the Mans. just, like. be wary of making him two dimensional. a good character is multifaceted. if you can take a trait that clashes with all of these and SELL ME ON IT, i will buy it. if u give me good justifications, or even just good writing?? then i will accept it.

the long and the short of it is, anon, he’s my favourite so i think about him a lot. i love writing rantaro. he’s just, he’s a Guy. y’know? He’s A Good Dude, If You’ll Give Him A Shot. :) we don’t get to see very much of him but i think that there’s plenty of material if you overanalyse everything, which, as you probably all know by now,,,, i absolutely do.

thank you for the ask, this was a delight to spend an hour talking about. <3