#bitch the original game was DESIGNED to be educational

[cannibalisticskittles]

this review. is for the fucking oregon trail.

[drifterstar]

Tell me about your OCs dear mutual driftstar!!! (in response to a post you reblogged two days ago lol)

Right, get yourself comfortable, because I'm about to infodump about my D&D characters. Starting with my daughter:

Polly Acci: Variant Human Glamour Bard

Art by @gravedoggg @joshdamn23 and @aniitaruiz

Polly was basically my very first D&D character I made myself. Originally a Lore Bard for a Level 12 one-shot, her debut adventure ended with a battle with an adult blue dragon. She worked up her courage and grappled it with her Bigby's Hand spell; it was in that moment that I knew there was something special about Polly.

Heavily inspired by boisterous characters like Nora Valkyrie, Princess Unikitty and the Looney Tunes, Polly is very outgoing and eager to meet new people. Switching her to a Glamour Bard ensured that she was both inspiring to her friends and disruptive to her foes.

During the campaign Princes Of The Apocalypse, Polly ended up getting petrified by a medusa boss and the party had to retreat shortly afterwards. They eventually returned with back-up and she was cured, but by that point the medusa had broken off part of her right leg out of anger. She's now sporting a prosthetic leg and her current design, which she wears as the show-woman of a bazaar in a cloudy pocket dimension ran by a djinn.

It was around this time that I began to run games as a DM, so I have taken the opportunity here and there to insert the cloudy bazaar when the party needs to go shopping, which in turn has given me the perfect chance to play Polly again. She might be an NPC, but at least she's safe.

Jenny "Rizzo" Rizolli: Variant Human Beast Barbarian

Art by @miku-plantman-art and @thepurplereaper

Rizzo is the eldest of triplets; she and her brothers Roland and Bobby have wererat in their parentage, indicated by their large ears, long front teeth and grey-tinted tan. This lead to them being constantly looked down on and bullied at the orphanage thet grew up in, where they were left after their mother reportedly passed away after giving birth to them.

Eventually they escaped and Rizzo ended up working at the local mercenary guild, eventually becoming a member when she came of age. Her time on the streets gave Rizzo a resilience that kept her on her feet when it counted and she learned to weaponize her adrenaline into her swings with Monday, her metal baseball bat.

One day, when harnessing her boiling blood, her wererat heritage awakened. After a throbbing headache and the clouding of her senses, Rizzo's skin broke out into grey fur and her face bones audibly cracked as her mout shifted into a rodent maw. She had achieved her wererat form, granting her access to ravenous teeth, rending claws and a long tail that can deflect attacks just as well as it can pierce flesh.

Rizzo has a tendency to be hot-headed when someone is trying to be clever or evasive with her or when she tries to brute-force a puzzling situation. She might be a self-admitted meathead, but she's not stupid; her time on the streets has honed her senses, and her sense of smell is crucial in tracking her goal. She takes almost any job she can, but she still has her own standards. Especially in some personal business that she does on the side for the right client. ;)

Dr Milla Holimion: High Elf Alchemist Artificer

Art by @electricfrank3n and @gravedoggg

Heavily inspired by the Plague Doctor from Darkest Dungeon, Milla is a master of three things; biology, chemistry, and resting bitch face.

Being the daughter of the highly respected Dr Reino Holimion, Milla pursued her medical profession to win the trust of her high-standard father. While she was the top of her class in school, college and university alike, her father was barely satisfied at best at her efforts. This left Milla with a focussed, no-nonsense attitude that persists to this day.

Towards the end of her education, her father grew ill and ended up succumbing to his illness. Milla's final practical exam was to be an autopsy of a recent corpse, and the corpse in question was her late father. Milla was given the option to wait for another opportunity, but she agreed to perform her duties as a doctor. While she was composed and professional during the autopsy, Milla felt a strange sensation of remorse and catharsis as she diagnosed the man who made her who she is, for better or for worse.

He died from an infection that could have been easily treated, if not for his stubborn nature.

Whether she's working as a physician in a clinic or a field medic in the midst of battle, Milla aims to put her medical prowess to the test while trying to be a better person than her late father.

Haruhi: Tiefling Scout Rogue

Art by CosmicNovaArt @gravedoggg and @reabault

Haruhi was left in a forest village as an infant, her parents and birthplace a mystery to her and the residents of her home. Being the only tiefling growing up amongst humans, she never felt like she fit in. She wasn't bullied or alienated, her feelings of being alone among dozens were her own. This lead to her developing more personal hobbies, like her fondness for reading books on nature and geography.

Haruhi learnt her expertise in stealth and acrobatics from a retired mercenary living on their own in the village. While she is proficient with weapons for assassination, she was taught to kill when she needed to. Efficiency is everything to her. Her upbringing and training has caused her to develop a cold, intimidating aura. She's not unpleasant on purpose and will co-operate with whoever she has to, but she has been known to snap when pushed too far.

Like Rizzo, Haruhi works as a mercenary for hire. However while the beast barbarian mostly specialises in bodyguard duty, shakedowns and generally getting her hands dirty, Haruhi takes a quieter, subtle approach to her work. If you need something done without anyone knowing, Haruhi's your go-to tiefling.

Seychelle: Variant Human Fathomless Warlock

Art by @gravedoggg

Seychelle was once a servant to a cruel noble who looked down on her for her humble background. One day the house was gifted with a strange artifact; a stone statue of a tentacle. Whenever she walked past it at the end of the hallway, she could swear she could hear it whisper to her.

One fateful day, her master lost his temper with her and was on the verge of killing her to set an example. But in her moment of need, she heard the voice from the statue next to her loud and clear in her mind. "Break the stone, and I will set you free."

With nothing left to lose, she pulled the pedestal down and the statue smashed on the floor. In what felt like a heartbeat, her vision flooded with water and everything went silent. She felt cold, she felt calm. She felt confident.

When the water around her fell, her master was on the floor, trembling in fear. It was then that she was given her first task. She dragged her former master to a nearby water bowl and drowned him in a shallow grave. She now follows her instincts and the will of her patron. Dressed in a silver cloak and the leather armour of a bandit she drowned in self-defence along the road, who she was before is not important to her now. She is Seychelle, guided by the tides of fate.

Behind Seychelle's elegant yet haunting presence is a cold, quiet confidence. She is not evil or needlessly malicious, but definitely not to be messed with if you fear drowning.

I have other OCs, but these are my main ones right now. If my girls are received well, I'll post about my OCs more often.

[anitosoul]

tripreport.016: The Rise of the Disco Samurai

August 2021

love, loss, grieving, healing, wounding, zen ☯️

Key Inspirations

Four Tet, specifically his set at Nowadays Nonstop (Music artist)

Luzon, Philippines (Place)

Deee-Lite – Infinity Within (Music album)

Yaeji (Music Artist)

Samurai Champloo (TV Show)

Paradise Garage Reunion (Event)

Filipino Indigenous Headhunters (People)

1582 Cagayan Battles (Historical event)

Larry Levan (Music Artist)

Mindfulness meditation (Activity)

Dead & Company (Music artist)

Persona 5 (Video game)

Kingdom Hearts (Video game)

Nowadays Mister Sunday Parties (Event)

Vanaras (Monkey army in Hindu epic The Ramayana)

The Rise of the Disco Samurai Tracklist

Panoram – The Question

Madvillain – Great Day (Four Tet Remix)

Yaeji – IN THE MIRROR 거울

Harrison BDP – Shuto Expressway

Sofia Kourtesis – By Your Side

Jayda G – All I Need (DJ-Kicks)

International Computer System – Mojave

Loner – Pagbabago

Night Tempo – Baby

Lyn Inaizumi – Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There

Loleatta Holloway – Love Sensation

Glenda McLeod – No Stranger to Love

Deee-Lite – Runaway

LSDXOXO – Sick Bitch (VTSS Mix)

Black Devil Disco Club – “H” Friend

Kim Petras – Wrong Turn

Ao Wu – My Name (Edit)

Ultra Naté – Free

Utada Hikaru – Simple & Clean -PLANITb Remix-

J.B. Banfi – Gang (For the Rock Industry)

The Pharcyde – Passin’ Me By

Disclosure, Channel Tres – Lavender

Skrillex, Four Tet, Starrah – Butterflies

Vince Staples – Summertime

Link to my original writeup for this month can be found here.

Love, loss, grieving, healing, wounding, zen. 

The idea for the Disco Samurai came about during the Four Tet DJ set at Nowadays—music and dancing has always acted as therapy for me, but it was especially needed this month. I finally decided to pick up a DJ controller and designate a more active hobby to my love of music to tell my truth and process my life. The persona of the Disco Samurai tied together the healing power of music and dancing with the mental steadfastness and clarity of samurai warriors. One major theme of this month has been the desire to be more unapologetic about my identity and contextualizing my position in the Filipino diaspora. This means doing what I can to de-colonize my brain and reconnect with precolonial indigenous ancestral culture. As any child of immigrants knows, being just one generation removed from your parents’ culture, living in a totally different country from where they grew up, is confusing. In certain spaces and places, my existence has felt invalidated by the intentional or unintentional pointing out of these cultural discrepancies. On a bigger scale, this has been happening to the Filipino people due to decades of colonial influence from Spain, the US, and other Asian countries. The amount of layers removed from that indigenous culture due to time, distance, and colonial erasure has thinned the throughline so much that it barely feels like it exists. This month, I’ve sought to strengthen that link through education, music, and community, finding people and content that also unapologetically celebrate identity and the connection to a pure, true self.

The Disco Samurai ended up manifesting as this narrative of an indigenous Filipino warrior captured by the Japanese, forced to fight as a samurai for his colonizers and eventually removed from his homeland during the (mythological?) 1582 Cagayan battles in the northern Philippines. The 1582 Cagayan battles were a vaguely recorded clash over metals trading between Spanish soldiers/sailors and Japanese/Chinese pirates(/maybe samurai?) in the northern Philippines. Despite being lost and far from his home, the Disco Samurai uses a connection to music to channel ancestral energy and power to cope with the existence of living in an environment that wasn’t made for him. In the same way this character uses soul to deal with the mismatched reality of living in an unfamiliar environment fighting for a cause he doesn’t believe in, I’ve applied this way of coping with life to the modern struggles of mental health, navigating major personal life changes, technological/information overload, and existing in a structurally unsustainable society. Music has been the way I’ve made any sense of the world, and there’s a comfort in knowing that it’s been doing the same for people since culture began. 

[m-y-fandoms]

Korekiyo Shinguuji x reader fluff

Request: Hello!! ✨ Can i request something fluffy with Korekiyo (it would be nice if it would be with his pregame version (but original is okay, too))? Maybe he's having a sleepover with reader? Thank you in advance ✨ I really like your writing. Your oneshots and imagines make my day!!

Okay I’m gonna de pregame Korekiyo like you asked! So just a tall, lanky, beautiful man with a face mask. No incest and lipstick or killing game lmao. Also I’ll make him interested in anthropology but not the Ultimate/SHSL - Admin Kokichi

     “Are you sure? I really don’t want to impose…” your best friend, Korekiyo Shinguuji, stares at you from behind his black dust mask with a concerned gaze. His brows are furrowed deeply in the center.

     Korekiyo had gotten into a fight last night with his legal guardian, his older sister. Apparently, it had been a nasty one, unlike anything that’s happened between them before. It gotten so bad that she kicked him out of the house, with no word of when he would be allowed back in.

     “Yeah, of course, Kiyo! We are buds right? You’re my bestie! I can’t let my bestie just spend the. night alone in some hotel or sleep out in the street, now can I?”

     “But Y/N-”

     “Would you let me go sleep in the street if it were me?”

     “No, I suppose not, but-”

     “Then any argument you have in invalid. Case closed!” You closed your notebook on your desk haughtily as if to signify the end of the conversation. Korekiyo sighed, a slight blush on his cheeks as he placed his head down on his desk with anxiety.

     “You’re sure your parents are okay with it?” He mumbled, his black hair cascading down his back and shoulders and splaying out around his desk.

     “Well…”

     “Y/N…” he warned, scolding you like a mad mother.

     “They will be out of town this entire week. My dad always travels for work and my bitch of a stepmother has to stay attached to his hip like a leech at all times so-”

     “Then me staying over seems highly inappropriate. I’m sure your father would-”

      “Don’t make me guilt you into coming over. You’re my friend. You’re in need, and I love spending time with you! Please?” You reached over and pulled on the sleeve of his exorbitantly-priced sweater with eyes wide like a puppy dog.

     “You win this time, Y/N, but if your father finds out and becomes hostile toward me, I’m going to blame you…” he joked breathily, shaking his head at his stubborn best friend. He couldn’t help but give into your every want and desire, and you often pulled him into your schemes and plans. Well...he called them schemes, but he was just a goody-two-shoes, so anything not morally immaculate or life-enriching was considered foolish to him.

     “Then it’s settled.” You nearly squealed. You’d been waiting forever to have him over to your house, but he’d always declined. You’d known him for about a year, and still your humble abode had remained a mystery to him. He lived with his older sister who took care of him after their parents died, and she was extremely strict with him. He was never allowed to come over after school. You’d been to his place once or twice, but always with supervision and strictly for studying or some other educational activity. If you wanted to spend time after school, he had to lie to her about where he was going and why. Finally, you’d have your crush, your best friend over to your home.

     You had to admit to yourself, you did feel a little guilty about the whole situation. You were inviting him over for mainly selfish reasons. Yes, he was your best friend and you’d never let him go without a place to stay, but there was a large part of you that just wanted the boy you liked alone and to yourself for a night or...maybe two, if this first sleepover went well. Unfortunately though, your crush on him weighed heavily on you. You felt horrible for keeping this secret of your feelings from him, because he trusted you with everything. You were so scared that letting him know that you wanted to be more than friends would ruin the close bond you two had. Yeah...it would be way too awkward to remain friends afterward if he rejected your feelings.

~

     You both were let out after the last class of the day. Korekiyo walked you back home every single day since you’d become friends. At first, you found it a bit embarrassing, seeing as he was one of the kids from the rich neighborhoods around your school and you lived in a middle-class suburb a bit further away. Your fears about your class-difference with your best friend quickly faded as you got to know him. It became clear within weeks of hanging out that he would never judge you based on financial status, whether you lived in a trailer or a palace. That was just one of the many things you loved about him. And boy could you list a bunch…

     He was intelligent, a straight-A student and teacher’s pet. He had endless wisdom and knowledge of both practical things and useless trivia. He gave the best advice, and was so passionate about both his hobbies and yours. You could talk with him forever without the topic getting dry.

     His looks only enamored you to him further. He was tall and slender, with a perfectly built frame. Unlike your peers, he never got acne, and his complexion was pore-less and smooth like marble. He was pale, and his eyes stood out like flecks of gold against an ivory surface. His hair was healthier and more majestic than any female you knew. It was long, all the way down his back, and was the deepest, darkest shade of black with delicate bangs that fell across his forehead. He was absolutely gorgeous, but for some reason he still had self-esteem issues. For this reason, he always wore a dust mask over his mouth and nose that concealed his entire lower face. You could never understand why. Everyone at school either liked him or was jealous of him, and he had nothing to hide from anyone.

     He tried to lie to you at first, stating that he had a weaker constitution and because of frequent illness and hospital visits, his sister made him wear it, but once you got closer, he admitted he liked hiding his face and it made him feel comfortable. He customized his masks, or commissioned them to be specially made, having embroidery on them or patchwork and sometimes shelling out for the more expensive leather or designer masks...which you didn’t even know existed until you met him.

     You’d tried to convince him multiple times that he was beautiful and had nothing worth covering up, but he insisted upon wearing the masks in public at least. After knowing him for a few months, he let you see his bare face, but only at his house. And man...were you blown away. He almost...looked like a woman without the mask. But not? It was hard to explain. He was like some kind of gender-less, androgynous deity. He certainly had a strong, masculine brow and jaw, but then his lips were pert and plump and soft...soft-looking at least. They were gentle and the cupid’s bow dipped down low and rounded out. He had a wide, manly chest and slender waist, but long eyelashes. Large, veiny hands, but delicate skin and hair. He was absolutely heavenly to look at. That first time, when you’d seen him without his mask, you knew you were falling hard, and it made you sweat and your heart speed up. You were always so scared that you’d go too far or flirt by accident and he’d catch on and pull away from your friendship. It hadn’t happened yet, thankfully.

     It was raining, pouring down actually, and you two rushed down the street side by side, backpacks over your heads for protection from the downpour.

     “I apologize. As you know, I would usually have an umbrella but after she kicked me out last night, Miyadera has refused to let me go in and get anything that I didn’t have on my person at the time.” He was right, he was always prepared for any possibility, and his sister had now made that impossible.

     “It’s fine. I read the forecast this morning. I should’ve brought one as well,” you yelled, the rain pelting you both loudly. “We really should get a car or something. We’re seniors for fuck’s sake.” We? You didn’t know why you’d said that. He was his own person and probably could afford to buy you both cars with his own pocket money.

     Why did you even say that?

     “Ah, but walking is better exercise! It’s good for us! Besides...Miya won’t let me buy one... you know that. She practically controls all of my funds.”

     “Kiyo, you’re 18 now, get your damn money back!”

     “I’m scared…” he chuckled, only half-joking. It was true, you both had turned 18 recently and were about to graduate, but his sister still treated him like a little kid. Pretty ironic, as you wouldn’t kick a little kid out onto the street on their own.

     You passed his neighborhood, and he looked up at it longingly, raindrops substituting tears dripping down his cheeks. You could tell this was weighing on him. He loved his home, it was where he felt safe, and he hated fighting with his sister. She was a tough guardian, yes, but she gave up her life as a young woman in her prime to raise him.

     You were approaching your street now, both of you soaked down to your socks and hoping your bags didn’t also soak through. You both had many folders of homework and electronics inside that would all be ruined if so. You reached the curb, waiting to cross into your neighborhood, when an unruly teen in his beaten-up sedan screeched by, speeding past you two carelessly. You grabbed Korekiyo’s pale, cold hand, startled by the sudden volume of the law-breaking vehicle, and you both gasped as its wheels dug into the puddle in front of you just below the curb, and splashed onto you both like a tidal wave.

     “Fuckin’ asshole!” You yelled, charging forward after the car until a hand landed firmly on your shoulder, holding you back. You swore the rain would begin to evaporate and steam up into the air with how hot your skin was right now. You were royally pissed off.

     “Y/N if he’s the type of man to do that, what do you think talking to him would accomplish? Also, do you really think it’s possible to catch up to a speeding vehicle on foot?” Always the voice of reason. Always so calm and mature. You usually admired that in him, but right now you were seeing red, and his dismissal of your mood made you a bit ticked off at him as well.

     “But! I-gah! Aren’t you pissed? He just-”

     “Got us wet? We were already wet.”

     “But he did that on purpose!”

     “I know. Being irate changes nothing. Come on, once we are inside I’m sure we can get warm and dry off. I’ll keep you warm,” he smiled gently behind his mask, his eyes crinkling. Your cheeks would’ve heated up had your body not already been aflame from rage. You didn’t know why you were always so flustered when he was caring toward you or touched you or even mentioned touching you. You felt gross reveling in his platonic intimacy so much. It felt like you were taking advantage of his kindness. Yes, he could keep you warm once you got home. That was normal. You two always cuddled or held hands or leaned on each other. You were just that close. But it was all just casual, as friends...right?

     “Y-yeah. You can shower and I have some baggier, more comfortable clothes you can wear to hang out and sleep in. I think those should fit.” Korekiyo was taller than you and awfully skinny but you had some general sweatpants and oversized t-shirts that you were sure would fit anyone comfortably. You knew Korekiyo was used to the best and most expensive textiles and fashion, but for just hanging out at your house? It should be fine.

     “That’s very kind of you, thanks.” You were sure he was thinking: how could you put me in peasant-wear, but he would never say that aloud to you. “Why do you have that awful look on your face? Did I say something to offend you, Y/N?” He took your hand in his as you reached your front door and rummaged through your bag for your house keys, Korekiyo holding his phone’s flashlight over your bag to assist you.

     “No, I’m fine, Kiyo, why?” The keys jingled in the lock and you opened the door.

     “You know you can’t lie to me, Y/N,” his voice dropped into a low rumble, and you got chills down your spine. He was just so...sexy without even trying.

     “I just...sometimes I feel bad that you spend so much time with me or like I’m not enough, like the rest of our classmates who live in that bougie housing plan of yours...like with the clothes I’m giving you tonight. I feel like you deserve better or like...like what if those kids start to judge you one day because you’re hanging out with people that are beneath you.”

     “Y/N,” he stopped you, rolling his eyes as you both dropped your soaking bags and overcoats on the floor on your living room, “You’re my ‘bestie’ as you always say,” he chuckled dryly. “Do you really think I care what clothes I’m wearing when we are alone or what any of our peers think of my friendship with you? I know you know me far better than that… where is this all coming from? You’re unusually… emotional today,” he took your hand once again, leading you to the couch, but pausing before sitting down with you. “I do not wish to soak your couch. That shower would be nice about now,” you could see the pallor of his skin, coated like wet porcelain as he shook slightly.

     “Y-yes! Well okay, we have a bathroom in my parent’s master bedroom and one just in the hallway for guests and myself. You can take the master bedroom one, it’s much nicer,” you stuttered.

     “Why do you insist on babying me and always thinking I need pampered or require only the finer things in life? I was born wealthy, I don’t need all of those things. I think your house is wonderful,” he gestured around him, “just like you!” He encouraged you before letting you lead him upstairs. You ran to the bathroom closet then to your room, leaving him in the dark hallway alone for just a moment. He observed the photos on your wall, the paint, the carpet. Why would he judge you for any of this?

     You returned with the sleep-wear you promised and a fresh towel.

     “You can go ahead and use anything in there. My dad won’t even notice. B-but... if you don’t like his soaps and shampoos let me know. I have quite the skincare and bathing collection!” You were a little proud of that fact, and he smiled at the happiness finally leaking back into your attitude.

     “I’m sure it will all be fine. Thank you, Y/N.” He nodded, taking the towel and clothes from you before heading into your father’s room. You turned on your heel, fetching what you needed before taking a shower of your own in the hallway’s smaller bathroom.

~

     You sighed, but not in relief or relaxation, letting the hot water fall over you and loosen your tense muscles. You felt just so...fucked up. Conflicted. Confused. Guilty...love-struck. You didn’t know what to do and felt extremely overwhelmed.

     Tonight would be the best opportunity to tell him how you feel: alone, private, cozy and warm, cuddling up together? Yes, that was perfect...but at the same time, if he rejects you, then what? He leaves immediately and has nowhere to go? Or maybe he stays the night to be polite and there’s an awkward silence between you for the rest of your lives...what if he avoids you after school and no longer wants to go to the same university as you?! Your head was spinning.

     Why am I such a coward...you thought to yourself, tears mingling with the shower water.

~

     When you finally dried off and got dressed, Korekiyo was already waiting for you in your room, having turned on your electric blanket on your bed and sitting patiently waiting for you underneath it. His hair was damp and his mask was on your night stand. He acknowledged your entrance with a warm grin and patted the bed next to him.

     “Why are you in bed? It’s only like five, I was thinking we would go downstairs and cuddle on the couch and eat something-” you approached him slowly and he cut you off.

     “Goodness, Y/N, what’s wrong?” He stood to meet you, inches away and towering over you.

      “Huh?” He took your chin in his hands and tilted it upwards to meet his dandelion-colored eyes.

     “Your eyes are all puffed up. You’ve been crying? Why?” Wow…

     “You never miss a thing, huh, Kiyo?” You tried to change the subject or lighten the mood or...anything!

     “Only when it comes to you~” he hummed before leading you down the stairs and onto your couch. You dragged along behind him like a child being forced to the dentist. “Now, what’s upsetting you? You can tell me anything, you know that…” his eyes were full of concern and he but his lower lip, apprehensive.

     “Kiyo, I- well….it’s just...nothing’s wrong. Let’s go get some snacks. I know you love soup dumplings with white rice~” You smiled weakly.

     “First of all, that’s more of a meal than a snack, but anyway, you know you can’t lie to me, Y/N.”

     “I just...I just want...this is so hard.” You sighed, voice faltering.

     “What’s so hard? Me sleeping over, or your dad being gone? The rain earlier?”

     “No no.... I want you here and you know I don’t miss my dad...a-and I feel much better after washing up…” your voice trailed off. He took your hand one final time that night.

     And then...

     “May I kiss you?” Kiyo spoke so gently, so scared and soft, like he couldn’t even believe his own words. Your eyes widened in shock.

     “W-what?!” You pulled away from him, incredulous.

     “I want to kiss you, Y/N. Will you allow me?” You paused for a moment, your mind reeling, but then you nodded slowly, your brain taking over and deciding it knew what was best for you.

     Korekiyo leaned in, the couch squeaking a bit at the shift of weight. He clasped your chin with one hand, and guided you to him. His lips pressed gently into yours, as if he thought he might break you if he went any further. His lips were plush, surging with warmth, exactly how you’d always imagined them. After pecking you, he pulled back, looking for consent, looking for a sign that you enjoyed that, too. You nodded, getting the hint, and he pressed back onto you, a bit more liberal with his affection this time around.

     “Mmm…” you moaned into the kiss as you both tilted your heads at an angle to reach deeper, and his mouth slid open. His tongue trailed against your bottom lip and you opened up without hesitation, your heart going a mile a minute. His tongue massaged yours carefully for a long moment that seemed frozen in time, and then he pulled back. You both sat staring at each other, panting a bit, until a smirk teased across the corner of his lips, and a blush appeared on his normally-concealed face. “H-how...how did you know?”

     “I’ve always known…” you felt a wave of embarrassment and shame wash over you. “You’re not good at hiding it.”

     “Kiyo...I’m so sorry. I know we are just friends and I shouldn’t feel this way. I just- you are...I can’t stop feeling this way.”

     “Y/N...did you think I asked to kiss you out of pity…?” He saw something like realization register in your expression, and he reached out, pulling you into his chest.

     “You...you feel the same?”

     “Exactly the same.” You didn’t feel so guilty anymore. “And I suppose we both were just too afraid of rejection to say anything. But knowing you, I knew I would have to make the first move if I ever wanted you to myself…” he hugged you tighter with those words.

     “Y-yeah, I’m sorry about that...Kiyo, I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you.”

     “And I should’ve told you, but there’s no use feeling guilty. We both want this.”

     “Kiyo, will you...be my boyfriend…?” You now knew his true feelings, but still felt a lump in your throat. What if he didn’t want a committed, serious relationship right now, or his sister wouldn’t allow it...?

     “I want that more than anything.”

     You spent the rest of the night cooking soup dumplings, then shoving your faces with the greasiest snacks money could buy and watching documentaries while snuggled into his lap on the couch. He pointed out little facts and trivia along with each documentary, his obsession for culture and anthropology unabashedly taking over.

[helpless-lesbian]

Hoodie (Part 1)

Lol I hope this doesn’t flop

Pairing: Abigail x MC

Game: Storyscape - Life 2.0

Genre: Fluff

Warning: Swearing, Abigail acts like a lil bitch in this but we still love her bc she’s soft in the inside.

(A/N: I was just gonna like where I originally posted my story but the link looked so unattractive when it was posted on here and it doesn’t show up in the recent under the tags I put it in.)

---------

~No One's POV~

You were late. Again.

You must have forgotten to set your alarm clock because the time you woke up, you were already an hour late to work. You had forgotten to wash your clothes from the day before and you had to settle for whatever was in your closet, a pair of jeans, a shirt with a graphic design on it, and your favorite zip-up (e/c) hoodie.

You caught the next bus to work and by the time you got to the office, you were two hours late. You couldn't believe you overslept again and now your superiors probably think you slack off. You hauled yourself to your workspace and sat down in your chair with a huff.

Jaime slid over to you on his chair and greeted you with his usual smile, "Slept in again?" His voice was teasing and his smile was friendly and playful.

You rolled your eyes at him before throwing a smile back, "Shut up."

He responded with a light chuckle before placing a file on your desk, "This is your part in the project. You better work fast because Abigail is already pissed at you for not being here on time."

Abigail, something about her makes you hate her but like her at the same time. She looks down on you because you weren't as well educated and you didn't have a lot of experience with technology. You used to work at a boring office job in Chicago before you moved here for a fresh start. You've been nothing but nice to her, and yet she treats you like... well shit basically.

You let out a sigh before hiding your face in your hands, not wanting to deal with Abigail this morning. You already woke up late and you didn't get a chance to grab something to eat. Your stomach growled but you knew if you got up to grab something to eat, you might bump into Abigail and she'll nag your ear off.

Ever since the summer project, you, Jaime, and Abigail have been stuck as a team. You didn't mind working with Jaime, he's a good guy. But as for Abigail, she's a bit more complex. Sometimes you two work great together, other times you two manage to work together without her ripping your head off, and then there are times where you two fight to the point where Jaime has to break you two up. So in conclusion, you don't know what her deal is with you.

Jaime slid back over to his desktop to continue his work while you were left alone with the file. You reached over and pressed the power button on your desktop to get started. You glanced over to Abigail's work station to see no one was there.

Maybe you'll get through the day without hearing her insult you after all.

Just as you think you got away, a certain blonde walked in and made eye contact with you. Her stare turns into a deadly glare as she made her way towards you.

So much for an Abigail-free day huh?

"You're late." She stated, her voice cold and stern as she glowered down at you.

"Look, I get it okay? I'm sorry I'm late. It won't happen again." You responded, keeping your head low so you won't engage in another fight with her.

"That's what you said yesterday! Because of you, Jaime and I have to wait for you to finish your work. I knew you would slow us down!" She complained, throwing her hands up.

You bit back your tongue and sat there, taking whatever she had to say.

"And you're not even dressed properly. You look like every tech geek now!" She continued on. You could feel your blood boiling as you watched your desktop screen load. "I don't even get why you're trying so hard! It's not like you're actually going to get the job!" She said.

This made you finally snap as you shot out of your seat and faced her. "Look here, Abigail. I don't know what your problem is with me but I'm not gonna sit here and let you tell me that I'm not good enough for this job." You said, trying your best not to shout. You had a height advantage as you looked down at the younger girl. "I work just as hard as any other intern here so why can't I get an equal chance of getting a job here? Just because I didn't come from a fancy school or I have a lot of money doesn't mean I'm any less of a hard worker!" You stated, jabbing a finger at her. A surge of pride rushed through you for standing up for yourself. Good job, MC. You did that.

Abigail doesn't say anything and continued to glare up at you. You two stood there for a good minute before she said, "Whatever." She finally left you in peace as she walked to her own workspace.

You sat back down and let out a breathe you've been holding in. Your desktop finally loaded and you got to work.

------------

You were just informed by Jaime that you guys had to stay overnight to finish the new project Kyle has assigned for your group. You were a bit disappointed because you wanted to go home and hang out with Mishel and her roommate, Billie.

You didn't argue though and continued to work your ass off. You would glance over to Abigail's station to see how she's doing or if she's still mad at you. You would catch her staring over at your work station a lot but she would play it off by glaring or rolling her eyes at you.

It was 2 am and your group has been working nonstop. Other interns stayed behind as well to work on their projects but they're currently taking a break. Jaime left his station to find a vending machine to get snacks for your group while you stayed behind to work.

You were currently on a roll, your fingers flying all over the keyboard as your eyes darted everywhere across the screen. When you reached the end of your paragraph, you slammed the period button and leaned back in your chair to admire your work. You felt proud as you smiled to yourself, nodding in approval.

You looked around the room to see that the other interns haven't returned from their break and Jaime hasn't returned either. You looked over to Abigail's station to see the girl slumped over on her desk.

You quietly got up from your chair and walked over to her. You peered down at her to see her sleeping figure, her head resting on her arms as strands of her blonde hair fell on her face.

When she wasn't insulting you or glaring at you, she actually looks peaceful. You can't help but find her beautiful and adorable at the same time. Her hunched over figure slow rose and fell as her breathing was even. You couldn't help but lean in a bit to gently brush the hair from her face.

You felt your cheeks warm up as your fingers daintily brushed against her soft cheek. You couldn't help but notice how cold her cheek felt. You couldn't blame her, the weather in California can be weird sometimes. It's hot during the day then cold at night.

You pulled away to shrug off your zip-up hoodie then gently placed it over her shoulders. You watched her shift around a bit before getting more comfortable in her current position. You couldn't help but smile as you watched her sleep.

Creep much?

You headed back to your workspace as Jaime walked in with a couple of candy bars. "I got something for us," He said as he waved the candy around.

"My savior," You chuckled as you took one.

The two of you worked the rest of the night while Abigail slept. You decided not to bother her since she looked so peaceful and she must have been extremely tired to fall asleep at her work desk. Knowing Abigail, she must have worked her ass off to finish her part before falling asleep.

----------------

After you and Jaime finished up, you both decided to just sleep in the office. You both slept on the couch, leaning against each other since his jacket was too small to share so you two improvised and used each other for warmth.

By the time you woke up, the other interns were at their work stations and some of the employees began to come into the room. You glanced up at the clock to see it was 7:01 am.

I mean at least you didn't oversleep again.

You looked up to see Jaime still asleep. You carefully moved away, not to disturb his slumber. You stood up to stretch and saw that Abigail's workspace was empty. You walked up to one of the interns and asked if he knew where Abigail went.

"Oh, Abigail? She left early this morning to go home. Kyle said the interns who finished their work already got the day off." The intern said, sounding annoyed. He must have slacked off last night and now he has to work. What a scrub.

You thanked him before walking away, mentally celebrating for your day off. You grabbed a sticky note on your desk and wrote a note for Jaime, telling him that you guys have the day off. You stuck the note on his forehead before heading out of the building.

Once you got out, you were hit with a chilly breeze that made you shiver. When you attempted to reach for the zipper of your hoodie, it clicked to you.

"Aww man! My hoodie!"

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #247

“i tried to choke my mom with my umbilical cord, the doctor was too busy amputating my horns.”

Have you ever had confetti pancakes? I don't believe so. Do you obsess over your appearance? To a degree, ex. in regards to weight. Are you responsible for stuffing someone’s stocking? No. What’s your favorite romantic comedy? Ah man, idk. I like romcoms, just none are coming to mind right now. Do you stock up on make-up palettes during November? ????? no????? Have you ever taken a class online? Yes. Do you have a Neopets account? Omg I have so many piled up, I'm sure, lol. Loved that shit and kept going back. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you think time really does heal all? No. Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? HEAT, FUCKING CHRIST. Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? Mom helped me search for one of my mood stabilizers that the cat got out of my basket... We never found it. A new bottle. Thank god my psychiatrist just gave me a sample pack til my prescription can be refilled. Is anything in your room purposely hidden? Yes. Do you get a cold around the holidays? I rarely get sick, regardless of the season. Does it snow where you live? Rarely. Have you ever been pranked via hidden camera? No. Is hair gel a turn off on guys? "Not necessarily, but too much can be." <<<< This. Do you think cursing makes people sound unintelligent? Lol fuck off. What’s something you can cook extremely well? The only thing I CAN cook is cheesy scrambled eggs but I mean they're exceptionally good lol. Have you ever been bitten by a snake? Nope. How about a spider? Possibly at some point. If you don't want kids, was there ever a time you did, and vice-versa? The only time I ever wanted kids was deep into Jason's and my relationship. It's funny because I wanted three and now I'm just all NOPE. I stopped wanting kids after him. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? Idc. Do you ever count sheep to help you fall asleep? No. Do you have a youtube channel? If so, when did you start it? Yeah. I was on YouTube real early... don't remember the actual year, though. Do you have a secret crush right now? No. When was the last time you called customer service? I haven't. Do you take birth control pills? Not currently for mood reasons, but with my incredible fear of being raped, I kinda wanna go back. Do you like chocolate cake? Yeah man. Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? Plenty of people, myself included. Do you regret letting a certain guy or girl slip away? Ugh idk. There's no telling how awfully or well that path would've gone. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you consider yourself a good artist? Decent, anyway. Do you ever play board games anymore? Not really, I don't enjoy board games. The only time I ever really do is if Girt's over cuz that's like our "thing." Who was your first celebrity crush? Whew, Jesse McCartney. Who in your family did you get your height from? Mom. Who did you get your smile from? your hair color? your eye color? Smile, idk. Hair, also unsure. Dad was born dirty blond like me, but his hair turned black. Meanwhile I think Mom has always had brown hair, but hers is very dark/almost black. My maternal grandpa had blue eyes like me. Do you have big or small hands? Idk, normal. What was the name of your first imaginary friend you remember having? I never really had one. Do you pray to God regularly? Considering I don't believe in Him, no. What is your favorite version of the Bible to read? Even growing up religious, I sure never spent time reading various versions of the Bible. Have you been baptized? If so, how and where were you baptized? I was as a baby in a Roman Catholic church. You know, the traditional baptism with being dipped in water. Do you eat meat? Sadly. What college did you go to? and what was your major? I'm not sharing what college I go to, but my major is Art & Design. Do you miss living with a roommate? I look back on living with Jason, Jacob, and Amanda fondly most of the time, but idk if I can say I miss it. I at least don't miss my mental health. Have you ever been abused in any way? I feel incredibly thankful that I haven't... It seems like most people I know have been in some way or form. Do you like unicorns? Yeah man, they're dope. How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? Idk, some year in elementary school. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Ha ha no, I've got a cat for that. He insists on being cuddled most of the time. Name 3 things you are allergic to. Just pollen and silver. Oh, I do get headaches from artificial sweeteners, but "allergic" seems like the wrong word. Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? The only two books I know I've read more than once are Because of Winn-Dixie and the Meerkat Manor book. Who was your favorite Rugrats character? Uhhh I think it was just regular ole Tommy. Which fairytale resembles your life the most? Uh idk. Do you play games on your phone a lot? No. What’s your favorite thing to do on your phone? Text Sara. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Wal-Mart or Hot Topic. Who is your favorite cousin? I don't have a favorite. Do you have family that lives in another state? Oh yeah, we're all the hell over the place. What states have you lived in? Only NC. Do you watch birth vlogs on youtube? bitch what the fuck What is your favorite type of cake? Red velvet. Favorite arcade game? I neeeeeed to find an arcade one day that actually has the Silent Hill game. It's so rare. I'm sure I'd love it. Have you ever found a roller coaster relaxing? Uh no, but I've never been on one, nor can I even imagine one ever being relaxing. Have you ever seen a spirit? I believe I have. Have you ever been kidnapped? Yikes no. Is there a running trail near your house? Not that I'm aware of. A game you cheated on in elementary school? None that I remember? Do you wear a retainer at night? I'm SUPPOSED to, but I haven't in so long that it doesn't even fit anymore. Where is the last place you had a kiss? The airport. When was the last time you cried out of physical pain? I think it hasn't been since that infected cyst was drained in like late '16. FUCK that. Have you ever done anything to Support the Troops? No. Do you donate blood? I did once, but now I'm too nervous to because I know I don't drink enough water and don't wanna faint. Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? Ha, yeah, my sisters and I did. They were just a silly gift sometimes. What were you the last time you went trick or treating? WOW I couldn't even try to tell you, that's reaching far back. What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? The badass names lmao. Where did your mom go to high school? Somewhere in NY. What’s a subject you would never major in? Mathematics. Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? No. I'm only EVER capable of doing so with Mom, but even then I don't like it. Have you ever swam in a river? Yeah, as a kiddo. I don't think I would now. What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? Cinnamon rolls omfggggg. What food do you hate the smell of uncooked? Fish, I guess? Has a bee ever stung you? Yes, once. Where did you last go camping? Never been. In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I can't Christmas shop considering I don't have an income. Have you ever slept in a bed with someone with bad BO? Yes. Do you have a favorite flavor at Baskin Robbins? No. Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? HUNNY Hannah Hart is a GODDESS godDAMN What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? I'm too lazy for a garden. Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I would definitely inform them of it being a completely valid and safest form of STD prevention, but I don't believe it should be what is "right." What's important is educating them on safe sex and to choose whom they're intimate with very carefully. I absolutely encourage them being taught what being "too young" means, too. Now what "too young" is can be argued, but let's be a late teen at least. When’s the last time you went to Chuck E. Cheese? Boy, I don't have a clue. What’s your favorite cheese or cheese flavored food? American. Cheese-flavored food is absolutely impossible to pick. Do you like black licorice? I hate licorice. Do you watch anything on the E! network? No. Have you ever tried out or thought of trying out for American Idol? Nope. Did you keep any momentos of high school dances? I had my... what's it called? The flower band on your wrist? Whatever, I had that for a long time. Do you still have clothes from your high school dances? I have both prom dresses. I'm probably gonna try to sell them this prom season though because I have absolutely no reason to keep them, and I'm poor lmao. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. Ever been to the original 13 colonies? I live in NC so like,,, Have you ever been to a concert that got out of control? Nope. Can you jump rope double dutch? I used to be able to as a kid. I loved jump rope. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? Eek... idk. Actually, I might know. I want to know, but also don't, if whether or not how I treated Jason after the breakup was abusive or not. I've asked people in my life, old therapist included, if it was from what I told them (which was honest), and the unanimous answer has been no, that I was sick/actually insane and heartbroken beyond words, but yeah. I still wonder about it. Do you have a bucket list? If so, what are the top three things? Not really, but I mean of course there's things I wanna do, top two (idk about three) being to meet Mark and visit the KMP to photograph and pet the meerkats. Do you feel you had a happy childhood? For the most part, yeah. When did you last cry in front of another person? Last week when I was having a meltdown about school. How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? Explain. I LIVE!!!!!!!! FOR THEM!!!!!!!! As someone who never felt totally comfortable in her body, one thing that has always helped me has been new tats and piercings. It's like a more permanent form of make-up, you could say. All they've ever done is make me like a part of myself. Do you wear a lot of makeup? Why/why not? I almost never do unless I want to take a "pretty" picture. Talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. JINKIES!!!!!!! UHHHHHHH man that's hard 'cuz there's a whole whoppin' load. I guess I can talk about some lyrics from Ozzy's "Life Won't Wait" that used to make me really emotional back in the dark days: "Every day that you wait, you're falling faster / no sleight of hand, no twist of fate, no ever after / when it's gone - it's gone, a fight to the bitter end." Just that whole song used to sting so much when I felt like I really was just entirely wasting my life being sad every day. Just like... a lot of Ozzy's lyrics have really resonated and stuck with me. I still have the hardest time believing the Parkinson's news. God, life's cruel. Poison a legendary singer's voice. I hope, so long he feels truly capable, this concert still happens so I can actually hear and see him one time and literally sob and okay I'm getting emotional basically I Love Ozzy Osbourne. List the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. Ha, speaking of concerts. Only seen Alice Cooper, but it was aaaaaaamazing! Outside in a (mostly light) thunderstorm playing some classic good shit. It was a fun adventure, especially having my younger sis, a full-on redneck, come along just because she was bored and came for the ride. She was so, so, SO confused and creeped out and was NOT fucking happy when he brought his python on stage as he usually does. We were absolutely drenched when it was over; the ride home, we were freezing, and changing out of those soaked clothes was like a holy experience. Who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? Jason telling me he forgives me and doesn't hate me. Do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized? I don't, sadly. My bed is where I do like... everything, which I hate. I'd love to turn my sister's old room into like my "work" room, where I do homework, draw, etc., but I can't for a number of reasons. What is your night time routine? Go to the bathroom, take my meds, go to bed. Not very complicated. What’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? Certain places I've "done things" oops. If you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? I wanna dye my hair lilac currently. I wouldn't change the style. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? N/A What’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Murder, to name just one. If you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? If you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? My hair is short now. What is the most important thing to you in your life right now? My mental health.

[theampreviews]

Dragged Across Concrete

When I sometimes attended my Film Studies classes at University one thing stuck with me from the Script Writing class; an economy of writing was critical to the success of your screenplay. It was a mantra echoing the sentiments of William Goldman’s “Arrive Late, Leave Early” approach to scene writing (as detailed in his books Adventures In The Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell?). To his mind this prevents an audience getting “antsy”. It’s a notion S. Craig Zahler wholeheartedly disregards.

If Zahler’s first two films, Bone Tomahawk and Brawl In Cell Block 99, could be described as leisurely in pace (both clock in at 142min), then Dragged Across Concrete, with its hefty 159min, is positively lethargic (which, for context, is still only 10mins longer than the last Avengers movie and 5mins shorter than Blade Runner 2049), and will likely push most multiplex audiences to their limits. Holding it to The Goldman Standard; this could be the least economical screenplay ever filmed, but it’s all the better for it.

Going into this film you need to understand that you’ll have to bed down and submit to his tempo, which is at times almost static. Zahler builds scenes of great magnitude that draw his viewers in, enveloping them like a sphygmomanometer (I had to Google that), applying ever more pressure until it’s almost unbearable. Virtually scoreless throughout, there’s precious little to distract from Zahler’s writing, but thankfully he’s still one of the most refreshing wordsmith’s out there. He might not pack his dialogue with pop-culture references as Tarantino can do (someone he’s rather erroneously compared to), but his way with words is just as pleasing to the ear. It’s hard-nosed, pulpy writing that exists purely in a world of his creation - his actors chewing on his dialogue like a T-Bone. He can also show a man eat an entire sandwich in silence and have it pay off.  

The most satisfying part of Zahler’s writing is that everything matters. There’s nothing throw-away about anything he shoots. The space he affords actors within the scenes allows them, and us, to take it all in without relying on cinematic shorthand to move things forward. No matter how long a scene is, it feels right, even (or especially) if that feeling is one of discomfort. The narrative drive of the film is relatively linear, we know exactly where we’re headed from early on, it’s in how Zahler stretches everything to breaking point in getting there that generates an anxiety that makes you shift in your seat; not the run-time. He can cut to the chase, but don’t be surprised if that chase is a leisurely tail across a freeway - the antithesis of Friedkin’s To Live & Die In L.A. but just as enthralling.

The other key attraction to a Zahler movie is his now notorious use of extreme violence. Whilst it would be disingenuous to say he has toned that down here (this is still far beyond much that you’ll see in your average movie these days), it is used more sparingly and dwelt upon less so than in his previous two. If Bone Tomahawk was sparse but unflinching in its depictions of depravity, and Brawl In Cell Block 99 relished the gonzo splatter effects of old, this time Zahler uses short, sharp jolts of violence to provoke the mind rather than overwhelm it. Often shots of explicit detail are cut away from so quickly that you’re still processing what you saw well into the next scene. It can have a disorientating effect, but one that makes you consider what you saw rather than simply have it thrown in your face.

Zahler also expands his eye for Old White Males, something I know many roll their eyes at, with his casting of Mel Gibson. Adding to the ranks of Kurt Russell and two time cast members Vince Vaughn, Don Johnson, Fred Melamed and Udo Kier, Gibson fits into Zahler’s aggressive, grim fatalism with ease. Some might consider this a role Gibson’s publicist might have urged him to avoid.

Since his original “cancellation”, Gibson has sought refuge in B-Picture pulp (Get The Gringo, Machete Kills, The Expendables 3) and couple of Father roles casting him as avenger/protector to wayward daughters (Edge Of Darkness, Blood Father) which all points to him acknowledging his new found villain status whilst also embracing a need for redemption (even the seeming outlier of Studio Festive Comedy Daddy’s Home 2 dines out on his asshole persona). Here though, the role of Brett Ridgeman felt too close to the bone for some; a bitter, mean son-of-a-bitch with a heavy-handed disdain for minorities. Be that as it may, Gibson is perfection and should be recognised for what is close to a career best - certainly it tops the list of performances in this second half of his career. Equal part hang-dog weariness and brittle rage barely concealed below a haggard surface, I can’t think of many others that could embody the character this wholly.  

Gibson and Vaughn’s Anthony Lurasetti are police officers who find themselves suspended without pay for Ridgeman’s abusive arrest of a Hispanic drug dealer; an act captured on a cell phone and spread throughout local media. The idea that Zahler frames their subsequent descent into “crime to make ends meet” as right-wing apologist rhetoric for the "forgotten majority" has made many uncomfortable, and I don’t doubt for a second that this is by Zahler’s design. Do I think he holds those beliefs? I wouldn’t know, but this film is not one for the Red Hat brigade if that’s what concerns people, but it does wave those common red flags without flinching (look to the “Black Panic” scene in which Gibson’s daughter is tormented by black youths on her way home, Gibson’s character bemoaning his lowly wage forcing them to live in such a “shit hole” with a young daughter and disabled wife).

As counter-point, the third main protagonist Henry Johns, played by a revelatory Tory Kittles, offers another staple of the genre; the recently paroled felon in desperate need of cash (imagine Denis Haysbert’s role in Heat given more screen time) providing a cultural juxtaposition to the craggy old cop routine (he and his partner Biscuits even “whiting-up” at one point). Whilst he rises a notch or two above the others in the morality stakes, he’s no Magical Negro; his purpose is not to elevate or educate his white co-stars, he has as much stakes in the game as either (sharing a financial need for care-giving with Ridgeman), and just as much blood on his hands (and sometimes more...). 

The Heat nod was clearly intentional, as Zahler cited that as a reference point in his Q&A, along with Dog Day Afternoon and Point Blank. Lofty comparisons they may be, but as a homage to those films, Dragged Across Concrete holds its own, albeit through the filter of a filmmaker that clearly loves exploitation cinema as much as any. Swimming in those waters, Zahler toes a fine line as to what audiences will find acceptable in both content and execution, and I think he’s pushed back against that line a little further here than he has before. It’s a provocative film without being insolently button-pushing and I’m sure it’s one that will divide audiences for some time (all but guaranteed to be a future Cult Favourite though).

There’s a scene that precedes the pivotal bank robbery that proved contentious to some during the screening I was at. We’re introduced to a character (one of the principle cast members) who we assume will form a large part in the film going forward, only for her screen time to be short lived and inconsequential to the plot. It makes for a quite harrowing and frustrating vignette, prompting one audience member to ask Zahler to account for its inclusion, a question met with spattered murmurs of approval around the auditorium. Zahler, clearly relishing the fact that this scene had struck a nerve, went on to explain (accurately) how everything from that point is framed in an entirely different way. It may have elicited anger from some of those watching, but he’s right in how that scene causes a shift in how you view the film and the protagonists going forward. He also acknowledged that, had he made this film under the watchful eye of a Studio and without his Final Cut deal, that scene would be the first thing any Producer would make him cut.

In a world dominated by audience pandering franchises, I think Zahler’s singular voice is one that needs to be preserved in tact, no matter how acquired a taste it may be.

[spencerberkeley]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Full Name: Charles Arthur Spencer Berkeley.

Nicknames: Both parents refuse to call him anything other than Charles. Nora and Camilla both call him Charlie. Some of his old university friends started calling him Spenny to piss him off, and it ended up sticking in those circles. Professionally, however, he is always known as Spencer.

Birthday: August 27th.

Age: 37.

Gender: Male.

Place of Birth: Guildford, England, United Kingdom.

Nationality: British.

Places Lived Since: Fife, Scotland (briefly, during his time at St. Andrews.) Epsom and London, England.

Parents: Catherine Finchley, Alistair Berkeley.

Grandparents: Arthur Finchley (grandfather, maternal, deceased) Olivia Finchley (grandmother, maternal) Baron Orson Berkeley (grandfather, paternal) Cecelia Berkeley (grandmother, paternal) 

Aunts and Uncles: Vivienne Hathaway, Rosalie Romanova (née Berkeley, aunts, paternal), Alexander, William Berkeley (uncles, paternal), Alexandra Finchley-Barrington (aunt, maternal) Rupert Finchley, Sanford Finchley (uncles, maternal)

Number of Siblings: Two younger sisters, Camilla (30) and Nora (32). Had an older brother, George, but he died when Spencer was eleven.

Children: Two daughters, Ailsa Berkeley (4) Rosslyn Berkeley (6)

Relationship With Family: Spencer’s parents divorced shortly after George’s death, and it came as a total shock. None of the children were expecting it because they’d hid the stress of dealing with their son’s illness so well. Spencer definitely dealt with it poorly in comparison to Camilla and Nora, and was incredibly angry at them; mostly because he was expecting them to reconcile and they never did. Catherine and Alistair remain friends. Whilst his mother has since remarried, his father never did, but they all make a huge effort to see each other regularly as a family. Spencer is incredibly close to his father and Camilla, whereas Nora was always closer to their mother.

Happiest Memory: It was a pretty simple vacation to Devon, shortly before his brother got sick. The two boys sat watching fireworks for what felt like hours in Plymouth, talking about stupid things and eating awful food from a van. I think it sticks out as the most memorable for him because it was the last time they were all together as a family. The last time he has a solid memory of George not being ill.

Childhood Trauma: Seeing his brother, George, suffer through leukaemia was about as traumatic as it gets. Honestly, he’s still pretty irrationally angry about losing him, because he was way too good a person to go young. The family doesn’t talk about it, ever, and Spencer is glad. They were always the closest of the siblings—he worshipped the ground George walked on—and the topic is still too touchy.

PHYSICAL:

Height: 6’1”

Weight: 185lbs.

Build: Mesomorph. Well-built, very fit.

Hair Color: Light brown.

Usual Hair Style: Short back and sides, neatly styled on top. Neat, well-maintained stubble for the face. Only goes cleanly shaven for important events.

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither. Perfect vision.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Spencer is a stylish motherfucker, okay. Looking good is incredibly important to him, and so he puts a lot of effort into it. Three piece suits. Designer watches. He gets shit on by the press for spending too much money on his attire when ‘some people in his constituency can hardly afford to put food on the table’ but that’s one thing he won’t compromise on. Keep trying.

Typical Style of Shoes: Can’t go wrong with a good, stylish pair of Oxfords.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: Always wears a gold signet ring, bearing his family’s crest, on his right little finger. It was a gift from his father after becoming elected. No tattoos or piercings.

Scars: A thin line through his top lip as a result of getting whacked a little too hard in the face by a sparring partner whilst boxing. Still didn’t teach him to think twice about winding his opponents up too much. Luckily, it kind of suits him.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: Spencer paces. A lot.

Athleticism: Boxes several times a week to keep fit and kill stress, so if he threatens to beat the shit out of you—which he very well might (but probably wouldn’t follow through on, shh)—then he’s not all bark and no bite.

Health Problems/Illnesses: None.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: Attended Eton. MSc in Politics and Communications from LSE.

Languages Spoken: English (native) French (intermediate)

Level of Self Esteem: Very high. The fact that he’s in love with himself is not a secret.

Gifts/Talents: Being a raging cunt. Also a top class writer.

Mathematical?: Hugely.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Logic. Spencer doesn’t care about anyone’s emotions, and his own are usually included in that statement. He is a master at suppressing them—both the good and the bad—and always has been, particularly when it comes to work.

Life Philosophy: “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” - Quote courtesy of his second political hero, Margaret Thatcher. 

Religious Stance: Atheist.

Cautious or Daring?: Incredibly daring. That being said, he’s had to tone down the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude since becoming an elected representative, as he realises the consequences of his actions are a lot more scrutinized now. He can’t get away with half of the shit he used to pull as a journalist.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: His kids. The press can hack his personal life to shreds all they’d like, but the girls are off-limits.

Optimist or Pessimist?: Pessimist.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extroverted in personality—he’s about as outgoing as it gets—but he does so whilst sharing little about himself as a person.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: Single.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: Many very brief liaisons recently—enough for the media to drag him for it on multiple occasions, and for his personal life to become their main negative focus. But Spencer’s only real relationship came in the form of his marriage to Evelyn Whitmore. They met whilst he was in his final year of LSE, and were together for four years before marrying. The marriage lasted seven more, during which they had two children: Ailsa and Rosslyn. Evelyn left him when he stopped the journalism to become involved with politics, himself. She said it ‘changed’ him, and even though she’d tried, she couldn’t be with him anymore. It hurt because he definitely loved her more than he considers himself capable of doing again, but he has moved on. Spencer is not about pining. Not even for her.

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: Is an insufferable asshole. Hugely unsociable working hours.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Boredom.

Ever Cheated?: Nah.

Ever Been Cheated On?: More than likely.

Level of Sexual Experience: If there’s such a thing as too high, then it’s that.

Story of First Kiss: A girl Spencer met whilst his family holidayed in The Maldives. They were both fifteen and her father chased him all the way down the beach when he caught them. He never saw her again, and can’t even remember her name, but still laughs when he looks back on the memory.

Story of Loss of Virginity: Spencer was seventeen, and he hooked up with his sister’s best friend, a year his junior, after he picked the girls up from their prom. Nora had threatened to beat the shit out of him. They briefly dated for a couple of months, but he soon got bored because she was fucking vacuous. Nora never got over it, and the relationship with her friend was never the same.

A Social Person?: Absolutely. Spencer feeds off social situations, and would implode if he didn’t have someone to rant to. That being said, he’s incredibly selective about those he’s social with, because most people annoy the shit out of him.

Most Comfortable Around: Honestly, he’s comfortable around few. Spencer is constantly waiting for someone to stab him in the back, because politics is nasty and that’s just how the game goes. Comfortable around his family. His assistants, Val and Pippa. Cassie, Jess and Gideon. Wished he still had Harrison, too.

Oldest Friend: Jack Bronson, an old friend from Eton, who now works as a junior political correspondent for the BBC. The brotherly relationship means a lot to him and sustained his sanity after losing George. Even though he could exploit the connection, he tends not to unless absolutely necessary.

Enemies: Adam Hassan. Fuck that bitch. Spencer is still convinced he tried it on with his wife (who was and still is working as his PA) whilst they were married, and he’ll never forgive him for that, or the fact he’s Labour and she let him.

How Does He Think Others Perceive Him?: Obnoxious. Blunt. Aggressive. An absolute royal asshole.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Him?: All of those things. Luckily, he’s too good at his job for them not to keep him around anyway.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: Foreign or Home Secretary sounds pretty good to him.

Dreams: To retire from political life with his reputation intact. For his kids not to hate him. Move into consultancy work. Make a fuck load of money. Own a yacht just so he can tell people he owns a yacht.

Greatest Fears: Elevators.

Most Ashamed Of: In all honesty, Spencer has very little shame. Maybe a little in regard to his conduct because he feels like he might be disappointing his mother? Aside from that, nah. You don’t work the way he works if you have shame.

Secret Hobbies: Painting. He never much considered himself an artistic person, but after attempting a mural on the wall of his kids’ bedroom at his place (with their help, of course) he actually picked it up as something to do in his very limited down time. He’s not amazing, but he definitely enjoys it.

Crimes Committed (Was he caught? Charged?): Aside from some illegal drug taking, he’s clean.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Both. What is sleep?

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Very light. Always rolling around expecting a phone call about some political disaster, or is too distracted thinking about work to fully switch off.

Favourite Animal: Snakes.

Favourite Food: Halloumi.

Least Favorite Food: Apples. General salady food because health is overrated.

Favourite Book: The Prince – Niccolò Machiavelli

Least Favorite Book: Does The Communist Manifesto count? Wouldn’t wipe his ass with that shit.

Favourite Movie: The Departed.

Least Favourite Movie: Fight Club.

Favourite Song: Hysteria – Muse.

Favourite Sport: Rugby. He would support England to the ends of the Earth. Also quite likes watching basketball.

Coffee or Tea?: Coffee.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Neither.

Type of Car He Drives: Has an Aston Martin Vanquish, but God forbid he drives it anywhere. There would be less public backlash if he just set fire to a poor person in the street. Most of the time he tries to be a good MP and use the peasanty public transport. If not, he has a Mercedes Benz E-Class that’s just old enough not to offend.

Lefty or Righty?: Left-handed.

Favorite Color: Black.

Cusser?: If he’s not cussing, you need to be worried. Every other word is typically a curse with this asshole. Accept it.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Yes. Excessively so. Less so since becoming a father, but that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy a line every now and again if he’s in certain company. Cocaine brings people together, guys.

Biggest Regret: No point wasting time regretting things.

Pets: Three goldfish he recently won at a fair with his girls. Even he wasn’t heartless enough to flush them. Rosslyn named two: Sparkles and Big Mac. He named the third Malcolm Tucker after his personal political hero, and is permanently disappointed that he still hasn’t eaten the fuck out of the other two. Often talks to them about political policy when he’s too stressed to deal with actual human beings. Thus far, they haven’t answered back.

[the-melting-world]

This is exactly why I generally feel deadened by discourse on this stuff. I don’t know who needs to hear this but 99 percent of the diversity content that is made is made for white audiences. poc characters are designed with the intention of making white ppl feel good, feel comfortable, feel whatever. It’s because that’s the largest, richest demographic. So it’s naturally the target demographic and who they are trying to sell/cater to. Young white women to be exact. For years I’ve written serialized fantasy-romance fiction on small, but sustainable platforms where they pretty much tell you this to your face. Like ‘heyyy, we really love your stuff. Really it’s amazing. Rah rah diversity. But the bottom line is, This is who we’re trying to sell to. So if you can nip and tuck this and that to make it more palatable for them… We’ll actually consider sponsoring/generating more hype for your content!’

This is also why poc are often designed with unnaturally colored hair and eyes. It’s dare I say why there are No afro-coded characters in the arcana – a game that’s supposedly the most diverse in the app store. And why many poc characters can be interpreted as racially ambiguous. It’s why we see the same narratives/tropes show up again and again for poc depending on the group. It’s why whenever you read or watch something created by a poc or own voices, the poc characters are usually portrayed Vastly Different than something made by a white company. You can Feel the Difference. And if that difference makes you uncomfortable or you simply experience a feeling of disconnection or awkwardness, Honey it’s because poc voices, lives, experiences are Not Normalized yet. It’s because poc characters are almost never made with who they originate from in mind. They are made to attract white audiences and make money. 

And this is also why it’s so fucking humiliating and demoralizing when nix hydra makes announcements promising that they will hire more poc staff. Like bitch please. As if own voice creators are like this endangered species that are so hard to get a hold of. Motherfucker Look At Us we’re out here. Educated and professional. Grinding. Writing, producing, drawing creating on these tiny ass platforms. Trying to get in the door when we can, but that shit is barred to those that can’t make them the money they want or we have to jump a million hoops and water down our content for them to pay attention to us.

But I also want to point out that own voice creators are not just out here on our own. We are collaborating with incredible non BIPOC creators who Actually Listen To What The Fuck We Have To Say. Who strive to be sensitive to the material and the group they are representing. These companies/institutions/larger platforms do not want to let any of us in unless they can control the way we tell our stories. Because if they did, that would actually mean that they have to hold themselves accountable for how they treat their poc characters. And how they make their non-white audiences feel. Not make their decisions based on profit of the target demographic. 

Anyway I’m done. Just support own voice creators and the programs/creators we respect. Don’t expect shit from nix hydra. Keep your expectations low and don’t be surprised when the people they want to profit off of have the most sway over how fucked up the narratives become.

Time has long since passed for them to get sensitivity readers and learning how to write POC. I keep banging this drum but the fact I know they block people who have valid criticisms of them speaks volumes.

If they truly took those concerns to heart when it started coming up, there wouldn't even be questions about them having either of those things.

RIGHT???? I didn’t know they blocked people for doing stuff like that. I think the fact that they abandoned the tumblr fandom really hammers that home, though. They don’t support tumblr fan artists anymore and all of their posts are copy pasted from Instagram and Twitter. When was the last time they held an AMA fr.

I just want a nice dating sim that I can read without my own trauma being resurfaced every damn time. Just a little PSA to non BIPOC people looking to give their characters a tragic backstory: don’t use slavery or anything slavery adjacent. Please. Your story will be fine without it. There are so many other ways your character can suffer without going through bondage. 

Muriel became such an important character to me because I related a lot to his backstory. It makes me super protective when it comes to how such a narrative is handled. It sucks to see such a serious topic bastardized for the sake of sex appeal and trauma porn. 

[themisadventuresofcando]

Life #3 (DC)

Character Sheet

 Basic

Name: Carmencita D. Kerr/Quinn (Depends)

Meaning: Little Song

Nicknames: Carmen, Little Carmen, Dee, Alice in Gothamland

Meanings:

·         Carmen: Shortened from Carmencita

·         Little Carmen: Carmencita translates to Little Carmen

·         Dee: Short for Tweedle Dee,  used in tandem with Tweedle Dum (Also my middle intial)

·         Alice in Gothamland: Costume

Titles: Clown Princess of Crime, Princess of Gotham

Aliases: Alice Caroll, Trickster

Age: 16

Date of Birth: June 4th

Species: Human

Affiliation: Joker, Rogues Gallery

Social Status: Fugitive

Dead?: Eventually

How?: Mysterious Circumstance (Honestly, Dum probably got us killed… again)

Appearance

Eye Color: Blue

Glasses/Contacts: Contacts

Skin Tone: PALE

Hair Color: White

Hair Style: Curly and Loose

 or Pigtails

Hair Length: Waist Length

General Height: Short (5’1)

Notable Features: Umm… My entire appearance

Piercings: Two Ears

Tattoos:

Matching with Dum on Ankle

Inner Wrist

Left Shoulder Blade

Right Ear

Scars: Diamond Shaped Scars on Legs and Arms

Birthmarks: N/A

  Wardrobe

Style: Pastel Blue and Black

Casual Outfit 1: Pastel Blue Skirt with Suspenders and Heart Shaped Buttons, Black Off the Shoulder Long Sleeve Shirt, Black Thigh High Tights, Pastel Blue Converse, Black Bow Chocker with a Dangling Pearl, Teddy Bear with Bunny Ears Purse, Rose Gold Headphones, Pastel Blue Bow

Casual Outfit 2: Off The Shoulder Blue Ombre Sweater with Music Note Design, Black Jeans, Grey Ankle Boots with Gold Studs, Black Bag with Teddy Bear Key Chain, Shooting Star Cuff, Black Bow Chocker with a Dangling Pearl

Formal Outfit: Pastel Blue Strapless Above The Knee Dress with Tule Skirt, Tule Flower on Waist, and Ribbon Trim, Black Leather Jacket, Black Combat Boots, Rose Gold Heart Cut Diamond Ring, Rose Gold Bow Necklace and Dangling Diamond Heart, Rose Gold Bracelet with Diamond Heart, Stacked Rose Gold and Pastel Blue Heart Bracelets

Alter Ego Outfit: Jester Headband, Strapless Knee Length Dress with A Half White Half Checkered Bodice and Blue Tule Skirt With Black Trim, One White Pastel Blue Fingerless Glove, One Black and White Checkered Fingerless Glove, One Black Thigh High, One White Thigh High With Checkered Jester Garter, Checkered Jester Chocker

Winter Outfit: Pastel Blue Leather Jacket Lined in White Fur, Black Jeans, Blue Boots, White Knit Hat and Gloves, Moschino Bear Backpack, Black Bow Chocker with a Dangling Pearl

Accessories: Black Bow Chocker with a Dangling Pearl or Anything Rose Gold

Scent: Sugar, Wildberry

 Family, Friends, and Enemies

Mother/Mother Figure: Harley Quinn

Father/Father Figure: The Joker

Brothers/Brother Figures: N/A

Sisters/Sister Figures: Dum

Aunts/Aunt Figures: Poison Ivy

Uncle/Uncle Figures: Frost (HE HATES US), Lex Luthor, Penguin

Cousins/Cousin Figures: N/A

Nieces/Niece Figures: N/A

Nephews/Nephew Figures: N/A

Sons/Son Figures: N/A

Daughter/Daughter Figures: N/A

Current Guardian: Harley Quinn and The Joker

Mentors: Frost, Assorted Villians

Best Friend: Dum

Friends: Duela Dent, Assorted Villians, A Few Hero Sidekicks

Team Mates: Dum

Rivals: Duela Dent

Enemies: Batsy, GCPD, That BITCH Amanda Waller (Though My Mother Again… I DARE YOU)

Love Interest: Dick Greyson

Current Significant Other: Dick Greyson (It’s Complicated)

Pets: FOX NAMED FOXY

 Relationships 

Relationships with Parents:

           Our original parents were actually murdered by The Joker for attempting to steal form his club. We weren’t really old enough to remember our parents but we were told that they were planning to take the money and leave us.

           Harley found us in our room asleep and took us without the The Joker’s permission. Mom says they got into to a big argument about it and dad only agreed to keep us because mom threatened to leave. Dad didn’t care about us until we got older and we got interested in continuing the family business (if you know what I mean). He got Uncle Frost to teach us to fight and use weapons (after a few failed teachers) and now as his heirs he could not love us more. I love my daddy and mom just as much!

Relationships with Siblings:

           Dum is dumb. She lacks common sense, is too reckless for her own good or anyone else’s for that matter, she is afraid of her own shadow, she’s an attention whore, she can’t lie and she is one of the most annoying humans to ever grace this planet. Somehow she is still alive and somehow I still love her.

Other Relationships: 

           Aunt Ivy only loves us because we are our mothers and she loves our mother. Ivy likes to take us out on girls days and try to get us to talk shit about daddy to make her feel better… usually works too. Ivy got me into gardening and its something we bond over.

           Aunt Selina love to teach us stealth. We frequently make it a game to see who can steal the most without getting caught… she always wins but I’m catching up! Dum likes to take after our parents and draw as much attention as possible (she gets caught a lot quicker and causes less chaos). I prefer Aunt Selina’s method mixed with mothers to make my own which I call quiet chaos (Its much more destructive than you’d think and it takes more time for them to catch me)

           Frost is our oh so loving uncle… NOT! Frost is annoyed to hell by us but he deals with it for daddy dearest. He taught us how to fight and use our weapons. And I know he secretly love us!

           Ahhh… Uncle Lex… See there was a period of time when my sister and I were sent away from home for our protection and to continue our training. Dum was sent to Ra’s al Ghul to work on her stealth killing and I was sent to Lex to work on manipulation and strategy. We di NOT get along well at first, which, was my fault because I was being a complete bitch about having to leave my family. Once I got over that (It took longer than I care to admit) we did actually grow close. He even offered to house me if I ever needed it!

Relationship Status: …It’s Complicated

 Health

General Health: Okay (Tend to get sick when its hot out)

Injuries: HAHAHAH DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM?!?!?!

Disorders: Mild Anxiety, PTSD, Kakorrhapiaphobia

Deformity: N/A

Allergies: Peanuts, Honey

Disabilities: N/A

Mutations: I’m double jointed in places I didn’t know could double jointed

 Education 

School: Gotham Academy

Best Class: Psychology

Worst Class: Math

Sports: Track, Gymnastics

Clubs: Art Club

 Abilities

List of Powers/Abilities: Enhanced Agility,, Enhanced Aim, Enhanced Flexibility, Enhanced Stealth

Origin: Birth and A Hell of a Lot of Training

Strengths: Gymnastics, Running, Long Distance, Stealth, Stealing, Strategy, Manipulation

Weaknesses: Short Range, Failure, Family, Strength, Animals, Babies

Restrictions: Still Human

Immunities: N/A

 Combat

Fighting Style: Long Distance, Stealth, Quick

Weapons: Throwing Knives, Darts, Exploding Playing Cards

Targets: Anyone really…

 Criminal Record

Wanted For: HAHAHAHAHA A LOT

Wanted By: Amanda Waller, Belle Reve, GCPD, Justice League

Prize for Capture: I Actually Don’t Know

Prison Time: Somewhere around two years served sporadically

 Personality

Likes: Cards, Gymnastics, Drawing, Jokes, Laughing, Making People Laugh, Animals, FOXES, Teddy Bears, Family

Dislikes: Failure, GCPD, Batman, Pink, Jerks, Self-Centered Assholes, Threats (Just FUCKING Do It!!!!)

Hobbies/Interests: Drawing, Gymnastics, Track

Talents: Gymnastics, Stealth

Sense of Humor: Very Dark and Twisted

Greatest Fear: Failure

Why?: Have you met my father?

Other Fears: Being taken by Amanda Waller

Why?: She’s more insane than my mother

Most at Ease When: Running or Hidden in the Dark

Most Uncomfortable When: Being questioned (You Just Assume I’m Gonna Give Away All My Secrets)

Darkest Secret: Having Fears

Does Anyone Know?: NOPE

Who?: NOPE

 Favorites

Prized Possession: Bow and Pearl Choker

Color: Pastel Blue or Rose Gold

Song: Milk and Cookies by Melanie Martinez

Quote: “I may not be playing with a full hand, but did you honestly think I was showing you all my cards?”

Movie: Alice in Wonderland (have you seen me?)

Food: White Chocolate Mousse (Blame Uncle Lex)

Season: Winter (WHITE HOT CHOCOLATE)

Book: Alice in Wonderland

Genre: Fantasy

Flower: Tiger Stripped Roses

Flavor: White Chocolate

Dessert: White Chocolate Fondue (Again… Blame Lex)

 Either/Or

Pessimist or Optimist: Pessimist

Pacifist or Fighter: Fighter

Introvert or Extrovert: Extrovert

Proud or Humble: Proud (Not Like I Have A Choice)

Messy or Tidy: MESSY

Risky or Safe: Risky (Look at me life, look at my choices)

Strength or Wisdom: Wisdom

Flashy or Simple: Simple

Long Range or Short Range: Long Range

Cats or Dogs: FOX

Hot or Cold: Cold

Book or Movie: Movie

Loud or Quiet: Quiet

Logic or Emotion: LOGIC (LEX BEAT THAT SHIT INTO MY HEAD)

Work or Relax: Work

Confident or Shy: Confident

 Out of 10

Knowledge: 7/10

Wisdom: 5/10

Motivation: 9/10

Agility: 9/10

Hand to Hand: 5/10

Long Range Accuracy: 7/10

Offense: 6/10

Defense: 4/10

Reflexes: 8/10

Speed: 7/10

Strength: 3/10

Sociability: 2/10

Bravery: 4/10

Generosity: 3/10

Endurance: 7/10

Evasion: 8/10

[cookies-hetaoni]

This is a rant but, like, you know. It would be nice if you read, if, like. You have patience and time? idk lmao

 (adm: Hey guys!! Some things are kind of getting out of control, and honestly I don’t even know where to start, but...! I’m putting this under a cut because it’s so long lmao [I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE]

First thing’s first: this blog was originally created to keep you updated on the progress of the making of my own version of HetaOni [holy cow, that’s a lot of “of”s]. It was released on December 26th, 2016. So, since then, all I’ve been doing is answering asks. 

First the asks were about the game, glitches and all that. When people started to praise my art saying they liked how I drew a certain character, I drew them said character as a thank you for the compliment. And somehow, my art has become the main attention of this blog. 

It makes me extremely happy that everyone enjoys my art so much, and even more happy when people remember I spent so much time working on the game [lmao], but, guys. Listen. I do not mind getting requests at all, but please understand that I am busy, I have a life and I when I have free time, I want to focus on working on HetaOni and its sequel. 

People who have been following me since the beginning might remember I used to say that the reason I was rushing so much to finish and release the game was because I knew that this year I wouldn’t have nearly as enough time as I had last year. And this is exactly what’s happening. I made another post the other day talking about what I was working on regarding the game and the sequel, but now I’m going to tell you a bit of my personal life. Which is not much, to be quite honest.

I am a 21 year old student attending to a Graphic Design course in university, which is set to end in December 2018. It’s a really quick course, so I have to respond just as quickly. Every week I have a lot of work to do for it, now even more so since my class chose me as the class rep [I had absolutely no say in it tbh lmao but that’s okay]. So yes, you get the picture. Picture a Cookie running back and forth, carrying things around while helping my classmates.

Now, because I have depression and other mental health issues, I have to go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I have to go to the psychologist every week, and to the psychiatrist once every month to get meds prescriptions. Imagine a Cookie, running back and forth carrying things around, helping my classmates and having to take meds and go to appointments to try to live life a little bit more normally.

Not only do I have these problems, but things have been going on in my family that have been making me feel even worse. I swear to all that’s looked upon as Holy in this world that I have NEVER been more stressed in my entire life. Never, ever. I’m currently experiencing overwhelming stress while having to deal with uni, health care and personal problems.

To top it off, the country I live in, especially the city I live in, is extremely dangerous. Just so you have an idea, last year my mom’s car and all of my sister’s and her documents/money/credit cards were stolen right in front of my house, while she was getting her car out of the garage. Last week, as I was coming home from uni, there were cops everywhere in my street and a bunch of people gathered together. We heard there was shooting while theives tried to steal someone else’s car. My neighbor’s dog has been killed recently when theives attempted to get inside their house. My neighbor was killed two years ago when he was painting his gate. 

So now, imagine Cookie, running back and forth carrying things, having to help my classmates, while having to deal with uni, health care, personal problems and the risk of being killed/assaulted at any time, any day, anywhere. Not really fun, huh?

Well, let’s all be honest. All of this isn’t really a big deal. No, really, it isn’t. Literally everyone have their own problems to deal with, and just because I’m exposing my own doesn’t make it any more serious than anyone else’s problems. In all honesty, even with all of this going on I am still extremely grateful for having a house, clean water, access to education and health care, a family and being someone competent enough that people can rely on. All of us have it hard, and it’s only natural. If things were easy, we wouldn’t be able to experience emotions to its fullest, amiright?

The same way my problems aren’t more important than anyone else’s, that doesn’t make it any less heavy either. Everyone’s said this before, everyone says this constantly and in 80 years, people will continue to say: Life is hard. We are only one, yet the world demands we work as if we were one hundred. But we are not.

Why am I telling you all of this? I could’ve just summed it up and said I was busy, right? Well, I did make a post telling you I was busy before, but people still seemed not to care much. Which is totally fine, I guess. It’s not like it’s anyone’s obligation to care for other’s lives, anyway. Especially since a blog like mine is supposed to create entertaining content. If I offer you something you like to see then you’ll obviously want to see more, because entertainment is most definitely a thousand times better than having to deal with problems.

I am not writing this to complain about the asks I get, or that I want you guys to stop sending me asks or anything of the sort. I am just trying to explain that I do not have time to answer you immediately. That’s all. 

I don’t delete any of the asks I get [unless it’s people sending me useless criticism - aka bitching at me for nothing], so it’s not like I forgot about you. So you don’t need to send me the same asks over and over again- this has happened multiple times, probably with different people. I get it, you want your request, I will do it but I just don’t have as much free time as I wish I had.

As I said in the beginning of this post, I created this blog to focus on HetaOni and on its sequel, so that’s what I’m trying to do. If I spend all of my time answering asks, I won’t be able to work on the game and I’ll have to deal with solving glitches for everyone and not getting any work done. And besides all of this I have to do, I also need to work on commissions.

I very much probably made it obvious that I do not have money. I have to gather every single penny I have to be able to pay for my school. If I couldn’t pay it myself, my mom would surely help me. The thing is, I don’t want her to, because I know she doesn’t have money either. All of it goes to pay for the house itself, its expenses, her car, food, bills, and my sister’s uni. She already has her hands full, so I’m trying my best to keep myself standing still. My friends know already that I love my mom unconditionally. She’s everything to me, I would give my life for her in the blink of an eye. I love her a billion more times than I could ever wish to love myself. She is trying very hard to keep everything under control. I’m not going to go much farther on this subject because it would get too personal, and it’s not really necessary for me to share this much information. All you need to know is I am trying my best to earn money so I can pay for school myself and give my mom one less problem to worry about. And earning money is NOT easy.

I don’t have a job. I couldn’t find one because of my mental health issues. Now I am a bit better than before so i started job-hunting again, but with no luck until now. All I can do is rely on commissions, the Patreon account I created just recently and on the donation button I added in the page, though I don’t really expect anyone to actually donate to be completely honest. It’s literally all I can do to earn money, besides selling some of my things.

Making art takes a lot of time. Requests usually take me at least 2-3 hours each. I enjoy drawing requests very much so, I just love drawing with all my heart and whenever I get positive feedback from you guys, I feel like everything is worth it. As much as I love this feeling and wish to hold on to just this, I can’t pay for my university with emotions. More than I love drawing, I love my mom. And if it’s to make the weight she carries even a little bit lighter, I will do whatever it takes to keep steady on my feet by myself, until someday I can earn enough to take care of all of her financial problems and give her the proper life she deserves to live.

I’m not begging you for money. You do not have the obligation to give me financial support, especially because I know a lot of my followers are underage, that art is often not appreciated enough to be seen as something worth investing on and that money is just something VERY hard to attain. Not everyone can afford commissions, being a patron or donating. It’s just natural. That’s why I like to draw requests. I myself am someone that would love to offer financial support to a lot of my favorite artists, but I can’t. Even so, I have to talk about it everytime because I just don’t have another choice. 

I am also not writing all of this to make you feel sorry for me, or to create drama or whatever. I am just being completely honest with you, and the length of this post just goes to show how absolutely stressed I have been trying to keep my life in order.

The only reason I am writing all of this is asking you guys to be patient. I WILL answer your asks, but please, just be patient. I’m trying my best to always get as much done as I can whenever I have free time, but I only have two hands. Art isn’t just magically created. It takes time, effort and lots of love for me to come up with answers for you. A lot of you already told me to take my time, not to worry about it and not to stress myself, but it’s kind of impossible not to. To each ask I answer, I get 3. I can never clear my inbox. When I tried closing it, even though I made a post about it, everyone came talking to me personally saying they couldn’t send me asks. I’m not the type of person who forgets about things easily. You could’ve asked me for something 10 years ago and I would still remember about it today- because you asked something for me, and I have 100% intention of doing it. I just need time and inspiration.

So please understand if I take long to answer your requests, or if I turn down a request because it would normally be considered a commission. I’m trying my best. I keep repeating that over and over again, but it’s not something I say just out of habit- I really am trying my best.

I appreciate your asks. I appreciate your support. I appreciate you taking your time to write something for me. Recreating this game and creating this blog was honestly the best idea I could’ve ever had. Interacting with you and creating art that causes positive emotions on both of us is what gives my life meaning. I am holding onto this fandom as if it were my life, because it gives me joy and the feeling I actually matter to someone, that I do things that some people care about and that’s what’s helping me get through the hard times. I love this game, I love this fandom, I love this blog and I love you. All I want from you is patience and understanding. If you want to do something for me, just show you care. Reblogging my art and getting other people to see it is a great way to do that. I just want to get someone to smile with my art and hope to make their day a little bit better. Life sucks for everyone, but we’re all in this together.

 But jesus this was a HUGE rant lmfao I am so sorry for all of this. I just needed to write all of this down. If you actually read it until the end, thank you so, so much for your time. I really appreciate it, and hope you have a great week!!!)