#how tf am I not tired
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"I'll take a two day break and not write anything until Nano."
"Oh, wow, I don't like this. Let's draw to release my creative juices so my mind doesn't feel too constricted!"
7 pages of drawings appear. The clock turns from the perfectly reasonable 8pm to 2am. All I did was blink.
#soko#writing#or the lack thereof#not writing#drawing#nanowrimo#talk about loosing track of time#when did 11 even come around??#just writer problems#just artist things#every fibre of my being wanted me to write#i haven't drawn in a while#so that prospect tickled my brain with excitement#brain didn't want to let go of the euphoric feeling#how tf am I not tired#how many happy endorphin were produced#how do i turn it off#im too energetic rn#im too happy rn#I feel like#the cat who caught the canary#or got the cream or whatever#can cats acc eat cream? do they tend to like it?? ain't they lactose 🤨#anyway I feel this way just because I drew#*#endorphins#damn autocorrect#👊
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they have effectively disposed of every coherent thought within my rotting skull. i will be launching myself into the sun
#☹️ ☹️ ☹️ ☹️ ☹️#my neverending tirade on the fact that i still haven’t figured out how to draw that stupid gay fascist continues#i am Displeased#so tired of him#exhausted#contemptuous even#sickened and sardonic#transformers#tf fanart#maccadam#tf#mtmte#idw transformers#transformers fanart#tf idw#senator shockwave#tfo sentinel prime#tfone sentinel#tfo sentinel#sentinel prime#tf one#tfo#tfone#transformers one#sentishock
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the haters are trying to get me to care about canon. they're trying to get me to only fuck with canon. newsflash you stupid bitch if you are in a fandom space you are consuming fanon. i don't CARE that it's canon that bruce wayne has hit his kids in canon. i make my own world where it's common fucking sense that heroes are good people who would not be abusers. "human flaw" this my ass that motherfucker drives a Batmobile and wears a Batsuit and throws around Batarangs. live in a suspended belief and have fun before you dry up and die a sad raisin of a being
#while i'm at it i am so fucking tired of power scaling#“ok these two characters in a fight” how about anything else for fucking once#these 2 characters but they both have to talk to each other while waiting for the train because they accidentally initiated conversation#these 2 characters but they find out they're cousins and are like “how tf did that happen”#these 2 characters but one of them just watched the other trip and fall at Walmart#like yeah sometimes it's annoying when fanon spaces completely misinterpret a character#but sometimes fanon is just more fun or makes MORE SENSE than a canon choice#and i would prefer reading or seeing that#guess what my guy the world is not black and white it has so many colors#open and use the eyeballs in your skull#unless you're like actually blind#then i guess feel every emotion all at once and that would describe a color#erinwantstowrite#dc#batman#robin#canon vs fanon
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I imagine barnaby trying to be all cool and flirting with howyd subtly but his smoke gives him away fjsns
he thinks he's smooth smh...
#cracking up thinking about this ngl#like howdy continues on with work#and whoever's at the table with barn - lets say uhhhh idk julie#is like 'awww your smoke turns pink when you talk to him'#and barn just freezes a la 'excusemeitfuckingWHAT'#aaaand Slam that panic button#bbg didnt know....#rambles from the bog#wh fantasy au#anyway i think ill never draw a better howdy#i squandered my Him points on an au scribble- AN AU SCRIBBLE#ive peaked ill never get any better!#< lie. there's always room for improvement and reaching new heights#on the flip side i had such a rough time with barn#its always an exchange - i can either draw a good howdy or a good barn Never both smh#still though idk How this came out as good as it has i have not drawn in days#nary a line nor doodle to be found...#but covid is wearing off and babey i am BACK!#slowly. it beat me up pretty good ngl#it took me tf out im gonna be extra tired for a while...#but since my congestion has cleared up and im not Hacking and Sniffling anymore#stream soon probably! Normal Stream To Get Back In The Swing Of Things#it feels like ive been sick for a thousand years but i think its been like#three days??? i really dont know...#i hope everyone is doing well and Not getting covid. wear your mask#i wore mine but my stepdad didnt and Look What Fuckin Happened
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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I may be dead but I promised magoranza
For context I have a thing I have to do every pride where I just kinda draw a ship in a rainbow heart (3 years going strong.. we’re not gonna address how I did the same ship 2 yrs in a row)
I am aware it is literally a day past pride but… behold gay
#why is my lineart wobbly tf#I am so tired aaaaaaaaa#happy late pride 💥💥💥💥#kirby#magoranza#taranzolor#taranzalor#woooo gay#i actually kinda like how i drew mags in this woah#edit from the next day: fixed up some things like the background and ranzas cloak#:D#artsh!t
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how. do u sona....
#i want to give myself a solid sona that. isnt just me with puppy dog ears and a tail slapped on but its hardddd#i want to make like a snowman that can change shape but it keeps certain features like branch antlers and a carrot nose#for consistency yk. but im struggling to find a balance between smth i like drawing and smth that looks like me#how often does one's sona resemble the artist irl.. for one i dont have bangs but i love drawing characters with bangs#so its just an internal conflict on if i should give my sona bangs if i dnt have them but love drawing them. etc etc#maybe im thinking abt this too hard bc nobody really knows what i look like anyway and i can do what i want anyway#but i get hung up on small details like that. like im worrying abt stuff like damn how tf am i gonna draw a snowman in the summer#girl... its a fuckig drawing.... follow your heart. but also HOW. i cant even draw myself with bangs bc it feels like im lying augh auuhggg#its 4 am im too tired for this. im goig to bed#my art#myart#doodles#wip
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It's honestly bonkers to me how much tristamp changes Thematically about the story, like every driving factor for the characters/overall story is so completely different in a way that I'm like...unsure if I've ever seen an adaptation Do. I know ppl like to say like, oh it's actually a pretty faithful adaptation bc it references xyz little manga thing, and. Nah man. The same Things can happen and characters can have more or less the same Deal and Traits but if their motivations are different it's still going to be a completely different story.
Like, okay, take the GHGs- in trimax, they're a ragtag group working with Knives (mostly, rip midvalley lol) by choice all with their own reasons, and they're all outcasts of some kind as well. This meshes with the overall theme of this world being a harsh one that is unforgiving to outcasts, and how violence is the easiest way to take that power back (also backed up by Vash's pacifism leaving him riddled with scars). Meanwhile in tristamp the GHGs are all human experiments made by Knives and forced to go after Vash. In this story, he is someone who takes what was done to him and does it to others, and uses this to get what he wants- he does it to the humans he employs and he does it to the dependent plants at the end of the season. Meanwhile, trimax Knives makes alliances (however uneven and uneasy) with both humans (GHGs) and plants (he doesnt force the plants to fuse with him, he asks for their help) . These are!! COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS
Vash is cold as a child (and this is what keeps him from ending up like Knives) and is as powerful if not more powerful than Knives in trimax, whereas in Tristamp he's an underdog immediately who doesn't live up to the expectations of his species and is drawn to humanity through that. Livios story in the manga is about being failed so repeatedly that a Murder Cult is his best option, whereas in tristamp it's about trying to protect and preserve the family he's found for himself. Elendira goes from being a trusted and powerful ally of Knives who is again, like all of the GHGs, a notable outcast (her transness is commented on many times much to her dismay) to ....a manifestation of Knives obsession with his trauma as a recreation of Tesla. They all have the same names and same concepts going into them but are fundentally so deeply different because of what their stories are About
And I'm not trying to say "tristamp is BAD because it's DIFFERENT". I'm sure u can infer i have a Preference here but what I'm trying to say is, these are apples and oranges that are both called oranges, and if you bite into both of them expecting them both to be oranges you will be disappointed (haha orange joke, haha apple jo-) I've seen a lot of people try to read/interpet Trimax through the lens of Tristamp and come out confused or just....wrong??? About a lot of things, or decide the issues they're facing w it are because Nightow is, idk, a bad author or something (stop this please i beg). If you really want to analyze these stories you truly cannot do it from within the framework of the other
#lmao hi new followers hows it going#how tf did i get 2 of you While Writing This#anyway i am tired of ppl trashing nightow and then turning around to sing studio oranges praises Stop That I'm so tired#bitching
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"The days of crusades are over" might wanna re-check that, Lamb.
(referencing this post)
He might not be a fighter in this life, but he definitely has the soul of a fighter.
Or: Five once-gods are reborn in mortal bodies but still have divine souls and some heretics and wannabe-gods might wanna capitalize on that... and the once-Bishops are not the warriors they once were. But that doesn't mean they can't be again :)
Also seeing Narinder without his head covering, yes he has a sun and moon piercing. Wonder why he felt compelled to get those <3
(where did Narinder get a scythe? Where did he get one he could actually carry? Hmm )
#cult of the lamb#justa arts#narinder#the lamb cotl#aym cotl#baal cotl#reincarnated au#<- it needs a naaameee#was this an excuse to draw priest!Narinder bloodied and bruised with his robes ripped up? Maybe#not pictured here but I'm too tired to draw rn: Kallamar rushing over just in time to catch him as he passes tf out#also see: Narinder finding himself in chains in his new life but instead of putting him there the Bishops are the ones who break them off#forgive the perspective/bg being severely off I am tired. had my math final today so brain tired#I like to think Narinder and the Bishops retain their divinity to some degree. Namely in the soul#I can't imagine being a god for thousands of years wouldn't have left its mark#so anyway you wanna overthrow the current sole god of the world? kidnap the old gods and... what then? well#find a way to tap into that divinity :)#sketch#cw blood#<- it's sketch and non-detailed blood but still#.... I am. weirdly happy with how his scythe came out
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Everything in my life rn is trying to get me to stop from watching arcane season 2 as soon as possible and i am NOT a fan.
Like wdym you want to do stuff on Saturday.
Wdym we have to get curtains
Wdym I have exams
Wdymmmmm
#arcane#arcane lol#arcane league of legends#arcane season 2#arcane legends#i miss them all sm#i NEED to know whats hoing on with viktor#i need to knooooow#i cannot do these exams with arcane on my mind#school is killing me#like actually#i have never been as tired#how tf am i ment to do this for the next 2years#atleast#god whyyyy
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Sorry, but there are some misinformations in your latest ask, which i would politely correct (I'm not attacking you).
Itachi in general is a more loved character than Sasuke, by the general public and naruto's fans. For example; on tiktok (a very popular app used by billions of people on daily basis) he is the only naruto's character that gets viral every week here with everybody loving him (hardly the otherwise happens) meanwhile Sasuke there is not that much popular or loved, in general he is very much slandered here and ignored unlike Itachi. For the daily accounts on Twitter you have to put in consideration that the daily Sasuke account has been active since 2022, meanwhile the Itachi's one since months ago and just in these recent months they started to blow up. For the Naruto's polls; Itachi was #1 in a poll in which japanese people's favorite character is and Itachi was #1 and in the 99 poll Itachi was #2 not because his fanbase mass voted, But because has too many stans and in general he is loved [ i should inform myself on more polls ].
And for tumblr.... Most naruto's fans on this site are frighteningly chronically online, Most of their takes are awful and almost every character suffer from getting horrible takes on their name.. and Sasuke stans found their way on this site. Also Tumblr is is not even remotely close to the popularity of Twitter and Tiktok and Itachi stans are not chronically online to do the shit Sasuke stans do on daily basis on this site. And Sasuke lost so many polls on this site, which i find it funny, They're always in every character's business and yet they can't even get their fav to win a poll.... That's hilarious.
Thank you for reaching out, though I actually have to disagree with you on a couple of points there. I hope you don't mind.
Purpose of the Statistics
First of all, I admit that my post was very Tumblr-centric and that experiences might vary a lot between platforms. Tumblr is currently my primary social media platform due to its versatility. This is also why most of my experiences relate to this platform, on which Itachi hate is rampant, and Sasuke endorsement is the standard.
My previous post was mostly focused on Sasuke being a beloved character (in opposition to fandom's perception that he is hated). This is especially true for fandom spaces (ie. Tumblr, Ao3, and Twitter to a degree - I explain why these spaces in a minute) and how his fans act like victims on this platform while, ironically, victimizing other characters and their fans. They seem to believe that hating on one character somehow uplifts the other and that they are "justified" because Itachi doesn't receive "enough hate".
And of course, of all the platforms to unload their frustrations on, they choose Tumblr. The one where they are the furthest thing from being a victim.
How to Measure Popularity?
But back on topic. Measuring popularity is a complicated thing. As you correctly pointed out, popularity varies in nature (ie. quantity and quality), and between platforms (influenced a lot by the platform's features and target audiences). This can also impact social media statistics, which is why character polls are probably the most reliable data to work with.
But not all polls are equal, are they? Look at that one popularity poll on Tumblr in which Sasuke lost to Ten-Ten or the one where Itachi lost to Yamato. It is not always the intention of respondents to measure popularity. Sometimes it is to troll. Sometimes it is to chase a reward.
Naruto 99
While it is an official poll in which Itachi managed to outrank Sasuke in terms of popularity, the Naruto 99 poll is also peculiar due to its voting conditions. Respondents were permitted to vote once EVERY DAY (giving fans both the ability to vote for multiple characters or pile votes on a singular character).
Additionally, fans were given an incentive to vote, which is the promise of a designated one-shot manga. This is what, in the end, caused minor characters like Sakumo and Shisui to show up in the top 10. It's because they are characters with grand reputations and/or importance to the plot but a severe lack of content.
However, Sasuke is the deuteragonist of Naruto and still a major character in Boruto, regularly receiving content. The blanks are 99% filled for Sasuke - with official manga content, even! With Itachi, content is so scarce that people are completely capable of distorting his intentions of being a Konoha bootlicker and a genocidal sociopath.
So it was most definitely not just popularity that influenced the poll results - It was curiosity.
Other Official Popularity Polls
It becomes more apparent that the Naruto 99 poll results likely don't reflect reality very well when looking at previous Naruto polls. In all previous polls, Sasuke has consistently gotten better results than Itachi.
Itachi's popularity usually improved alongside his plot involvement (most notably his debut in chapter 139, Sasuke's memories starting chapter 220, Itachi's battle with Sasuke starting chapter 383, and Itachi's reveal starting chapter 396). While there's been a sharp decrease during the Tenshi Bridge Arc (likely due to his lack of plot relevance), Itachi's popularity largely appears to be mostly stable during the latter half of the manga.
Aside from plot involvement, Itachi's popularity was also influenced by sympathy, as it managed to climb up the furthest (excluding chapter 107 because it was before his debut) after the truth reveal. Sasuke's popularity experienced a similar improvement after the Uchiha Massacre flashbacks.
But now, ever since that last poll (and especially since the manga's conclusion), Sasuke's character has only become more sympathetic with his return to Konoha and mentoring of Boruto. Itachi, meanwhile, didn't appear in the manga in the past 10 years. It is rather unlikely that, of all things, Itachi's popularity increased rather than decreased in comparison to other characters.
Fandom vs Fanbase
Now, even assuming that Itachi's general popularity is, indeed, higher than Sasuke's, this does not have to reflect the fandom experience on every site (which is what bothered me so much in my previous post). The reason is that there are multiple types of fans more common on different platforms - namely "fandom fans" and "fanbase fans".
Fandom members are those who interact with other fans regularly by contributing their creativity and/or expertise. But that requires space for discussions, writing, and posting pictures. Tumblr fulfills all of those criteria! Platforms like Ao3 and Twitter/X also allow for worthwhile fandom interactions. Ao3 allows for posting fanfic. Twitter/X allows for discussions and sharing fan art.
Additionally, neither Ao3 nor Tumblr are known for any form of algorithm, meaning that fans need to make a conscious effort to seek out content. It requires effort and involvement that not just any fan has.
Then there are casuals and, how theheirofthesharingan likes to call them, "dudebros". They are mostly consumers. And even when they are creators, they take less of an interest in characters as "people" (ie. their personality, psychology, etc.) and therefore usually don't really interact with the fandom platforms to analyze and appreciate them. They are part of the greater "fanbase" but not the "fandom".
This often causes them to adopt the ideological standpoint of the source material. Characters who are not outright explained may end up misunderstood. Real-world parallels remain unnoticed. Ask a dudebro whether the Uchiha Massacre (a genocide) was justified and they might just answer "yes".
Like you said, Sasuke fans are way more active contributors to the fandom. Itachi fans are more active consumers. What I and other Itachi fans perceive is that, usually, Itachi has more "casual" and "dudebro" fans, likely due to his characterization as a "hero" or "martyr" by the narrative. Sasuke, meanwhile, suffers under the stigma of being an antagonist with complex trauma responses. To understand and appreciate him, a lot of effort is required, actually.
At the very least, this is the explanation that makes sense in my mind. It is a fact that the sites most known for fandom activity (ie. Tumblr and Ao3) have more Sasuke content than Itachi content, even if the general public might hold different opinions.
Itachi's Popularity on TikTok
TikTok is actually what I personally consider to be a space for "dudebro" or "casual" fans. The videos I see there are primarily song edits, focusing on vibes and aesthetics. They are cool but they are not deep or particularly big additions to the fandom. This is perfect for dudebros and casuals who are not looking for complex, in-depth content (or maybe not even fandom content at all but just canon content). Same dudebros and casuals who have a hard time getting to like Sasuke.
While this is just a hypothesis of mine, Itachi's popularity on TikTok might also be the result of "market saturation". Two types of market saturation, actually.
First, there is actually a great supply of Sasuke content already thanks to the manga and anime alone. In the case of Itachi, the manga ended 10 years ago. The anime 7 years ago. There has barely been any official content, hence the desperation for fan-created content.
And second, while I cannot confirm with 100% certainty (because TikTok's search feature sucks and always hides posts from me), Itachi content might go viral more often than Sasuke content, but Sasuke content might still get uploaded with greater frequency. Hence the #sasuke tag has 6.2M posts and the #itachi tag has 3.7M posts.
While this might also instead just be the result of Sasuke offering more source material to make edits with, the unequal amount of Itachi vs Sasuke content might create a certain "exclusivity". This might pile Itachi fans on just a few TikToks rather than spreading them out over multiple posts, causing disproportional view numbers.
There's a similar phenomenon on Ao3. Fandom content there does not rely on canon material for its generation. Its frequency mostly relies on popularity, not source material. Yet, the amount of Sasuke-centric fanfics stands in a 3:1 ratio with Itachi-centric fics.
Here you can see the amount of Sasuke- vs Itachi-centric fanfics uploaded each year to Ao3.
However, the first couple of most recent Itachi-centric fanfics still have more kudos than the Sasuke-centric ones. But that only applies to the first couple of fanfics. The obvious explanation here is that Itachi fanfics are scarce, hence fans don't get to be choosy (the other explanation is that people just really like crossover fanfics, because that's what the two most popular Itachi-centric fanfics happened to be, haha).
Itachi's Popularity on Twitter
It is absolutely true that the daily Sasuke account is older than the daily Itachi account. The claim that the daily Itachi account has only been around for a couple of months is incorrect, though, as it has been around since August 21st of last year. So more than a year, actually. Doesn't change that daily Sasuke has been active since March 2022 (2.5 years), but I felt like pointing it out.
Of course, follower counts might develop in either direction. Maybe the daily Itachi account will gain an additional 35k followers on top of its current 6k within the next 1.5 years. Regardless of which, I've actually got another source for comparison to offer, which is the daily Naruto account.
I looked at Sasuke and Itachi posts between August 1st and September 16th (today) and compared like counts. On average, Sasuke posts received 8488 likes, whereas Itachi posts received 5569.
Either way, the fact remains, namely that on Tumblr Sasuke content is more popular both in terms of consumption and contribution. And the disproportionate hate is what I am hoping to get rid of.
If not... blocking spree. I am no longer willing to deal with people who find that bullying and shit-talking is a fine behavior while also being hypocrites about it.
#all of this is actually really complicated stuff#and i am so tired of searching up statistics especially after tiktok just kept on being shitty and hiding search results#sorry for arguing so much anon haha#but since we are in tumblr side of the fandom i honestly couldn't care less how many views itachi tiktoks get#especially since they do not in the slightest seem to reflect whatever tf is going on over here#as you can see i am still kinda pissy at sasuke stans unfortunately#a lot of what i am talking about in the post is actually hypotheticals#but the fact remains that sasuke gets more content even if itachi might get more interaction#and on tumblr he neither gets more content nor interaction#but sasuke stans still feel like they need to bring their frustration from tiktok to tumblr or so it seems#talk about cycle of hatred#'other naruto fans suck. so now i must let it out on fans who have nothing to do with it!'#it's scary sometimes how similar sasuke and sasuke stans can be#anon#ask#naruto ask#naruto miscellaneous
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another thunderwave hc because i cant stop myself
while thunderhowl is a huge advocate for equality in his relationships, he will not hesitate to knock soundwave down a peg when he gets too bratty or cocky
his go to’s are grabbing the back of soundwaves neck and scruffing him, physically dragging him by the arm away from whatever innocent bot hes decided to torment, and using his height and strength to intimidate soundwave into backing down (this one only works about 40 percent of time)
There have been several occasions where thunderhowl was seen casually strolling with soundwave thrashing and cursing over his shoulder
thunderhowl is definitely the kind of mech to pick up his shorter bf just because he wanted to
not to mention how huge of a cuddler thunderhowl is in general and theres just something about working while holding ur bf close in ur lap that feels right
#transformers#tf headcanons#soundwave#thunderhowl#thunderwave#next im going to explore the “pack dynamics” for them bcs well wolf#Thunderhowl is a huge cuddle bug#Soundwave is NOT#he will struggle and squirm like hes being murdered#he only stops once he gets tired#they also growl at each other a lot but ill talk more about that next time#I love details so yk each growl is gonna mean something different#Theres no emoji to show how crazed i am about these two goobers#Im also trying to think of any cute ship names for them#Im thinking ‘knighted devotion’ but i have my reasons for why#ALSOO im currently making designs for my Dragons!Au and i already have soundwave
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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fuck
well fuck
#[🔮] rambles ~#well thats one eloquent way to put it#KDJSJSUDJSHSJSJSHAHSHSJAJAAAAAAAAAASJDJDJIDJDHDJDUDUD {<- me and my thoughts rn}#UGHHHHH#I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL TF#DHHEJSJDHD#FUCK#what an AMAZING time to start having feelings :////////#IDK I LIKE IT BUT I DONT BUT I DO BUT WTF#AND I CANT GET DISTRACTED MORE THAN I ALREADY AM#BUT UFHHHHH#DJDJJSJS#this is literally all im capable of expressing rn#fuck#AAAAAAAA#its like my brain got tired of me tap dancing around and refusing my feelings#“nahhhh i dont like himmm ” <- me saying from three years and having managed to mostly convince myself and lock up the rest of thefeelings#-in The Box Of Things I Dont Think About#my brain tired of my bullshit: violently shoves extremely vivid and sweet dream that i will not forget so that i finally realise#ive been thinking abt him but avoiding thinking abt him the whole day at the samr time 😭😭😭😭#ESP SINCE IVE COME HOME BC I DONT WANT MY MOM TO NOTICE#but UGH#I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT HIM THEN STOPPING MYSELF DURING THE EXAM CRYING FOR FUCKS SAKE#i have refused to think abt this till it is shoved into my head again <- will think then stop myself then think again then stop myself then#FEELINGS ARE SO INCONVENIENT OMFG AAAAAAAAAAAA#delete later#i cannot bear to have the evidence 😭😭
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thoughts on the new chapter?
*salt about tbhk incoming* :')))
I already announced it on instagram but my interest in tbhk have dropped drastically since some time and I was gonna give the manga the benefit of the doubt because chap 104 was okay Ig?
Chapter 105 just showed everything I have been not liking about the writing in tbhk in one chapter youhou
let's go on the positive first!
I adore class 1-A I would die for them
The pages in black and white were cool, the art is perfect as always. Maybe seeing an Akane and Hanako team up would be fire af but with Teru here I doubt it so this is a tiny hope I will put in hell with everything else for now.
I love you Kou and Mistuba
Yokoo is rocking this outfit too. I like the fact that the clock being destroyed just stops everything and everyone's time (like a certain character but who has a limit *COUGHS* probably for this reason Ig)
them
Idk if I am strong enough to go on a full explanation on why my interest dropped since some chapters, this didn't start on this one, this one was just the last straw. I will just show the most obvious choices that I don't like ( my opinion btw this is just the feeling I have while reading, take this with a BIG grain of salt)
I've been reading tbhk for 4 years and I am tired of waiting for stuff the author litteraly won't do anything about and just stay in their comfort zone
No repercussions on the mcs for some choices they made, no repercussions on wounds/stuff that happened which should have need time to heal for the characters or for them to grow, giving us always the same team up so no room for real character/relationship development beside the obvious (and with how slow Hanako and Nene have been going honestly making the same characters always interact doesn't help at all apparently L O L), BIG difference of pacing for characters growth, making the story take always the same route with the same characters being kidnapped and the same ones doing the savings, putting characters in an arc they have no reason to be part of so just making them stand in the background like a caricature of themselves, making characters 'mysterious' or forgetting their character development just to use them as some sort of deus ex machina, and the worst of all:
Making Nene just a reason for Hanako to react and nothing else. No character development for her, no reason for her to be in some scenes, this is just sad to watch at this point. Aoi had this problem at the beginning of the manga for Akane mostly for comedic reason and they had growth, seeing they are putting Nene in this position after more than 100 chapters and her being the mc is just awful.
I honestly just want more diversity in the choices they are making in their writing, and the last chapter proves me that either it will come in a long time or it never will.
At least the art is pretty, and the worst part is that I KNOW AidaIro knows how use setup, they know how to write really good stuff and good characters, complex stories, and it's GOOD. So seeing this in the recent chapters just makes me even more tired x'))
Once again, my opinion, but the way Nene and Aoi are treated in the manga makes me wanna explode. AidaIro are capable of writing good female characters (thank you Mei and Sumire for being perfect from start to end), Aoi and Nene had wonderful time too, so idk why all of this is happening rn tbh. It's just sad.
Maybe the brainrot will come back, I still love the characters, but I really need to take a break from the fandom anyways (not gonna expand on this but oh boy how annoying a part of the fandom is, a lot of people are the sweetest but a part makes me wanna explode, I've been more than 3 years here and I think that the most I can take at this point)
ANYWAYS :DDD idk what I will do with this account for now ^^ I will probably still rb some stuff or post old tbhk doodles I never finished :00 Idk what I wanna draw now probably ocs stuff so I won't post them here I think ^^ I hope everyone is alright yay
#tbhk#jshk#toilet bound hanako kun#asks#this is all the salt I ahve been keeping for 4 years#I really try to tone it down but I am too tired for it at the moment#biggest rip#once again#my opinion you don't have to agree with this AT ALL#I just am tired of how female characters are treated#I really thought Aoi and Nene would be different#I am sad Aoi isn't more present but I prefer her to stay like this rather than how they have been treating Nene#let her be in the bg doing nothing while having really good arcs/character develoment than whatever tf is happening to Nene
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I hope Claudia escapes the afterlife and eats some of you fr
#amazing how one moment during her death scene can convince 80% of the fandom to infantilize her#and treat her like lestat’s beloved daughter#when she wouldn’t piss on that man if he was on fire#yes i am aware what delainey said and i don’t!! care!!#y’all need to understand that being a father isn’t inherently a positive thing#being the reason someone is alive doesn’t make you a good parent. neither does the child inheriting certain traits.#he made her undead life a living hell and never acted like he truly loved her#not even at the end when he stood there and watched her burn to death#and did we just forget that lestat used her assualt against her?? even after he knew the details surrounding it??? like…tf???#he was cruel at every turn#and claudia only turned to him bc she literally had NO ONE ELSE#louis was gone. madeleine was ash. none of the theatre vamps cared for her. who else did she have?#sick and tired of all this ‘claudia de lioncourt’ ‘lestat is so mother’ bullshit! SHUT UP!!#claudia hated him!! as she should have!! she died hating him and i hope lestat never makes peace with that!#GOD. rant over.
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