#how many things can go wrong with my body 2k17

[abandonthefort]

well, my recent test results show that the gallbladder is not working totally right

and it might be causing my symptoms...but it’s not so obviously malfunctioning that it’s OBVIOUSLY the cause of my symptoms

and the GI doc is like....well, you COULD get the gallbladder removed...but it’s not like it’s urgent and gonna cause an emergency...but also getting it removed isn’t necessarily going to help things

and since the one meds are causing Issues with my narcolepsy but are making it possible for me to eat, maybe surgery is better than totally reworking my whole meds regimen??? but maybe not.

and also i’m going to have top surgery this year as soon as my insurance stops being a fucking ass, or like i run out of appeals for grafts and then just pay for that out of pocket which....ugh....and i had been hoping to maybe also get a hysto this year too since that has a decent chance of helping with my pain....and do i REALLY want to add more surgery to what’s going on with my bod bc surgery is so hard on me already

and man i really wish i had had these results BEFORE i saw my therapist for the monthly meeting to have a relatively neutral person to talk this shit over with

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog: Part Two. Chapters 38-43

Alright! Onward after the last sequence of chapters, which were...almost suspiciously light. Brandon, when are you going to drop another anvil on my soul. 

Dalinar has a history lesson, Shallan tries to take notes, Dalinar meets a pancake thief, and we see an old...friend. 

The letter mentions that Hoid had “the chance to be more, but refused it.” Probably had a chance to get a Shard and didn’t--that falls into line with other stuff we know about him. Dalinar’s running through another dream--one we haven’t seen before--and also talking with Stormy,  who he gets to swear. Dal got a god to swear, gang. He’s refusing to heal himself with stormlight because it’s “Cheating” and the Stormfather is pissed. 

A Shardbearer with amber-light armor starts reforming a cliff into handholds by making the rocks writhe; apparently they’re a stoneward, and that stone-changing surge is one that Dalinar can learn. 

Anyway, he brings in Navani and Jasnah; next will be the emperor of Azir, who we know is Gawx. Navani sees a fabrial that heals and immediately sprints off in that direction. Also, we get the Jasnah-and-Dalinar content that I have wanted so badly. 

“They will try,” Jasnah said, “to define you by something you are not. Don’t let them. I can be a scholar, a woman, a historian, a Radiant. People will still try to classify me by the thing that makes me an outsider. They want, ironically, the thing I don’t do or believe to be the prime marker of my identity. I have always rejected that, and will continue to do so.” She reached over and put her freehand on his arm. “You are not a heretic, Dalinar Kholin. You are a king, a Radiant, and a father. You are a man with complicated beliefs, who does not accept everything you are told. You decide how you are defined. Don’t surrender that to them.” 

I think this is very wise. Also, apparently Navani and Jasnah’s reunion was tearful and Jasnah showed a lot of emotion. Also, although it’s not said specifically, they’re probably in Shinovar--at the very least, Dalinar is referred to with Shin nomenclature. And Dalinar sees the nine shardblades rammed into a circle--where the Heralds gave up their Honorblades. Honor hadn’t died, by this point, but it had to have happened around now. 

“The stories are wrong, aren’t they?” Dalinar said to the Stormfather. “We didn’t defeat the enemy for good, as the Heralds claimed. They lied.”  Navani’s head snapped up, her eyes focused on Dalinar. I LONG BLAMED THEM, the Stormfather said, FOR THEIR LACK OF HONOR. IT IS...DIFFICULT FOR ME TO LOOK PAST OATHS BROKEN. I HATED THEM. NOW, THE MORE I COME TO KNOW MEN, THE MORE I SEE HONOR IN THOSE POOR CREATURES YOU NAME HERALDS. 

“Those poor creatures”--that’s a good description for them. And it’s also good to see the Stormfather changing his perspectives. So the Stormfather decides to tell them the story of what happened. 

The Voidbringers, apparently, are “many souls of creatures who had been slain, angry and terrible,” given power by Odium and refusing to pass on after they died. The Voidbringers are the ghosts--the spren--of Parshmen long dead; they have been warped by time, and some of them have lost their minds. Others are more awake, but every rebirth damages it further. They become the Fused, the spren half. This explains Ulim’s comment about the Parshendi’s ancestors calling the shots now. 

So the Oathpact happened. Five men and five women all gave themselves up, sealing the spren of the dead into Damnation just as Honor and Cultivation sealed Odium there. They all thought it would end the war forever. They were all wrong. Every time a Herald, trapped in Damnation, bent their oath, they all could return. So the Heralds were being tortured endlessly in attempts to get any one of them to bend, to break. 

I just realized. This means that Taln must have finally broken at the end of this one. And given the length of time...Taln was the strongest-willed of all of them, because he alone didn’t cave for millennia. At first, the time between desolations was long, because the Heralds were stronger then. But they became tired. There was less than one year between the last two Desolations. 

No wonder they’re all so broken. You choose: do you return to torture for eternity, only to fail, and fight, and be tortured again? Or do you run? And what does running do to you? Is it worse than what staying would do? 

Stormfather confirms what we had thought--Taln, the one who died in the last Desolation, had never broken. And we get this horrible comment about Taln: 

THE ONE WHO WASN’T MEANT TO HAVE JOINED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE, THE ONE WHO WAS NOT A KING, SCHOLAR, OR GENERAL. “Talenelat,” Dalinar said.  THE BEARER OF AGONIES. THE ONE ABANDONED IN DAMNATION. LEFT TO WITHSTAND THE TORTURES ALONE. “Almighty above,” Navani whispered. “How long has it been? Over a thousand years, right?”  FOUR AND A HALF THOUSAND YEARS. 

HUG TALN 2K17 HOLY SHIT

And then Dalinar realizes that that madman they found? That really was Taln. I could call him Talenelat but that’s too long honestly. Navani asks if this is the secret that made the Radiants turn; Stormfather refuses to tell Dalinar it. Because, he insists, if Dalinar knew he too would turn away. 

In between chapters, we get a gorgeous spread of some fashionable alterations to the Vorin havah. 

Over to Shallan. In the letter, we get that apparently there was an agreement that no two Shards should settle in the same place. Well, that went great--we know three pairs at least existed. 

The Radiants are having a meeting; they’re all sitting other than Kaladin, who is grumpily leaning up against a wall, of course. Kaladin’s opinion of the Almighty, after everything that Dalinar learned, is...not great, of course. 

“In short, everyone who might have been able to help us is crazy, dead, a traitor, or some combination of the three. Figures.” 

Thank you Kal for that accurate summary. 

Also I would like to re-state my firm opinion that if this story takes a single ‘nother step toward a love triangle I will die in real life and my bitter vengeful spirit will return as a Voidbringer. Kal’s insisting that the Parshmen aren’t their enemies; Jasnah disagrees. 

“I can’t afford to stay my hand from war,” Dalinar said. “Everything you say is right, but it is also nothing new. I have never gone to battle where some poor fools on either side--men who didn’t want to be there in the first place--weren’t going to bear the brunt of pain.”  “Maybe,” Kaladin said, “that should make you reconsider those other wars, rather than using them to justify this one.” 

I think one big difference here is that--no matter how understanding Dalinar is, or how good of a man--he, and everyone else in this room, is of the class that sent those men to war, whose feuds caused wars. Kaladin is the only one from the class that bore the brunt of the pain. The fact that Dalinar and Jasnah can make these arguments does come from their class privilege, although they do have good points. 

Apparently according to Stormy, Alethkar is a “dark spot.” That’s not great. 

Anyway, Dalinar says he’ll send Kaladin, some of his best squires, Elhokar, and Adolin. Jasnah points out that none of this gets to the root of the problem--the fact that the Fused have an endless supply of Parshmen bodies to inhabit, and now that the Heralds all have failed there is nothing stopping them from coming back constantly. 

Jasnah suggests finding and murdering all of the Heralds, Kaladin is aghast, and one of these days the pair of them will probably get in a fistfight. Kaladin “Save Everyone” Stormblessed is not going to condone sending people back to be tortured, obviously.  Honestly, even agreeing to that might start violating his Oaths. 

Shallan has not been taking notes, she has been doodling Kaladin. 

Brandon, I’m watching you. 

Jasnah saw the doodle. Oops. She also knows that Shallan is keeping secrets--lots of secrets. She points out that Shallan doesn’t pay attention to meetings, refuses to explain how she found the Unmade, and while Jasnah is trying to get her to talk to her--Shallan resists. 

Shallan nodded again. She wasn’t working with the Ghostbloods. That was Veil. And Jasnah didn’t need to know about Veil. 

Shallan...that’s going to come back and kick you in the ass...

Anyway, she goes to have a conversation with Renarin. Pattern says that the room they’re in now has memories. 

Beyond [obvious ways Jasnah acts “masculine”]...well, it probably was best not to speculate on things with no meaning, but people did talk. Jasnah had turned down every suitor for her hand, including some very attractive and influential men. People wondered. Was she perhaps simply not interested? 

Jasnah confirmed as queer icon, as we all have known for a good deal of time. She returns to her room--and finds a letter. 

You have accomplished the task we set out for you. You have investigated the Unmade, and not only learned something of it, but also frightened it away. As promised, here is your reward.  The following letter explains the truth about your deceased brother, Nan Helaran, acolyte of the Radiant order of the Skybreakers. 

Next chapter sticks with Shallan; the letter in epigraphs mentions “Uli Da” who was “going to be a problem” and says “good riddance.” Given the comments about Aona and Skai, is this another shard the Odium killed? Justice, perhaps? 

Anyway, the Ghostblood letter talks about the secret societies of Roshar--thank god. There are the “Sons of Honor,” including Gavilar (who recruited Amaram--wonderful judge of character there Gav)who want to bring back the Desolations in the hope of bringing back the Heralds and the classic strength of the Vorin church. 

The other group is the Skybreakers. They were the only order who didn’t betray their oaths during the Recreance--which makes sense, given their nature. Nale leads them. We get Nale’s MO mentioned here; also, we get that Helaran was being sent to kill possible Radiants by Nale. 

Was that why he happened to be on the same battlefield as Kaladin? Anyway, Shallan’s mother “had intimate contact with a Skybreaker acolyte”--the guy she was cheating on Shallan’s father with, the one who tried to help her mother kill her--and Nale learned that someone in their family was close to bonding a Shard and thought it was Helaran. Turns out they probably didn’t know about Kaladin--it was likely just a strike on the “Sons of Honor.” 

Can’t say I blame them for that. 

Pattern says there are lies in the letter. That’s probably true. She doesn’t want to deal with this now--she turns into Veil and leaves. She wants to get drunk, which...still not a great way of coping with things, Veil. Anyway, the woman who wanted to join the Ghostbloods earlier has been spying on her--Shallan catches her, then tells her to teach Gaz and the crew to be her support spy squad. 

Over to Bridge Four! Teft wakes up in pain. Who hurt him? He got shitfaced, but apparently he was an addict--addicted to something, although he doesn’t mention what. He’s convinced he’s a shame to Bridge Four. Okay, we’ve got what he was addicted to--firemoss. 

But a spren is following him around, reminding him that he’d spoken Oaths. She’s white in color, with hair like clouds. I need to draw all the spren in this book. But he goes back to the moss, until Kaladin finds him with Rock. 

Bridge Four takes care of its own, Teft. He tells them he’s sorry, tells them he’ll tell them next time it gets bad--he doesn’t mean it. Turns out, this is how he got onto the Bridge Crews. Addiction. 

Over to Dalinar. The epigraph refers to Hoid as “bearer of the First Gem” which seems. Relevant. He’s in the same vision again, this time having brought Gawx into it. Gawx goes over to see someone talking to the men--Jezrien, saying they’d won. 

Fun fact: Dalinar just learned Jezrien was darkeyed! Eat shit Vorinism. Anyway, Gawx is very incredulous about Dalinar’s abilities, and points out that Dalinar can show him anything he wants to support his argument. Gawx also talks about their history--that the “Sunmaker,” Dalinar’s ancestor, the earlier owner of Oathbringer, murdered ten percent of the Azish population. 

LIFT IS THERE?? 

“I didn’t expect you to be so old,” the girl said. She sat perched cross-legged on a large boulder nearby. “And you’re not really that black. They call you Blackthorn, but you’re really more like...dark-tan-thorn. Gawx is more black than you are, and even he’s pretty brownish.”  The young emperor, remarkably, burst into an enormous grin. “Lift! You’re back!” 

Same, Gawx, same. Lift says Gawx shouldn’t trust Dalinar because his butt’s too nice. Dalinar does not know how to handle it. Even Stormy doesn’t know how Lift got into the dream. 

Stormy realizes that she’s gotta be tied to Cultivation, calls her “tainted by the Nightwatcher,” and is angry because she exists to defy him, apparently. 

So the picture for Bridge Four is a jacket sleeve with the patch on it. The picture for Moash is a jacket sleeve without that patch. That hurts. Moash is sulking; the stew here doesn’t taste half as good as Rock’s. Well, maybe don’t try to assassinate people, Moash. Maybe don’t do that. He still has the Bridge Four patch on his shoulder, and Graves tells him to rip it off. He cuts it off, but can’t throw it away. 

And then Voidbringers descend. Graves dies instantly. So do the others. Only Kaladin’s training saves Moash. He can’t fight her with a Shardblade. But he sees a spear on the ground. He kills one; the others say he has “Passion” and give him a choice, to die there or surrender. He surrenders. 

Over to Shallan. 

[captainhookcaptainfreedom]

The Worst/Best Christmas Ever - CS Christmas AU - CS AU Week 2k17

Okay, so I FINALLY finished this monster that was supposed to be only about 1k (at most) but then ended up over 4K because why the hell not?

I'm actually pretty proud of this little thing. It's a fluff monster tbh. There is plot...I'm just not sure where it is.

So, in honor of Day 1 of CS AU Week 2k17, here is my Captain Swan Christmas AU!!!!

(also FYI no beta on this! very rough!)

This had to be the worst day of Emma’s life. Well, maybe not the worst day (she’d had a lot of bad days after all) but this was definitely one of the worst.

Pull yourself together, Emma she thought to herself. It’s not like you haven’t spent Christmas alone before.

 Even knowing that this wouldn’t be any different from just 4 years before, Emma couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She’d been looking forward to Christmas for ages. It was the first time in months that she’d get to see them in person. See her family. She’d been busy with work and getting her degree and of course Henry was always a handful just like any six year old.

 Oh yes. She wasn’t spending Christmas completely alone. How was she supposed to tell Henry that he wouldn’t be seeing his Aunt and Uncles this Christmas? He’d been just as excited as Emma. He’d been even more excited.

 Emma had always tried to make Christmas a happy time for Henry even when they didn’t have much. He was too young to remember those years though. He only remembered driving to Storybrooke, Maine each December to spend Christmas at his Uncle David and Aunt Mary Margaret’s house. It was always special. It was magical. Emma even thought so.

 What was she going to tell him?

 “You alright, lass?” A concerned voice interrupted her panicked thoughts.

She had been standing outside her apartment door when she’d received the notification of the flight cancellation. She’d then done a quick and desperate search of road conditions and knew that it would be near impossible for them to get from Boston to Storybrooke safely.

 So, it did make sense that it was their neighbor, one Killian Jones, who would stumble upon Emma.

 Emma pushed herself away from the wall and glanced over at Killian. “I’m fine,” she quickly and automatically responded. She watched as his brow furrowed as he watched her.

 “You are most definitely not fine, love.” he responded, easily spotting her lie. He took a step closer to his apartment door and gestured with his head for her to come along inside with him. “Come on to my flat and tell me your troubles over a cuppa. It won’t be the first time. You know I won’t judge.”

 Emma rolled her eyes at him but followed, silently grateful. “It’s an apartment and I will not be have a “cuppa” unless it’s hot cocoa.”

Emma found herself curled up on the familiar black leather sofa (which was covered in the slightly less masculine, but just as familiar blue knitted afghan) of her neighbor, Killian Jones.

 “Here you are, love. Hot cocoa as requested,” he handed the steaming mug to her carefully. “With cinnamon of course.” He smiled and Emma nodded her head gratefully at him.

 She hummed as she felt the warmth of the cocoa seep into her hands and smelt the delicious combination of chocolate and cinnamon.

 He sat down beside her on the sofa, tilting his body so he faced her. He let her just sit for a moment as he sipped his tea and she sipped her cocoa. He’d learned that the warm drink did wonders to help Emma calm down whenever she was worried. The warmth was likely what did it. A warm cup of tea had always had the same effect on himself and his brothers.

 “So, do you want to tell me your troubles?”

 Emma sighed. “I shouldn’t be bothering you with this. It’s nothing really.”

Killian shook his head. “You’re not getting out of it that easy. You know it’s no bother to me if you want to share whatever’s on your mind. And obviously it is something. It’s been months since I’ve seen you this upset. I’m here and I’m listening, Emma.”

 “It’s silly.”

 Killian rolled his eyes and gave her a pointed look

.

“Our flight, Henry’s and mine, back home got cancelled. With the weather conditions the way they are, there’s no way we’ll be able to go home for Christmas.”

Killian looked at her, a confused expression crossing his face. “I thought - Isn’t this home? Boston?”

 Emma offered a small smile. “Maine is. A tiny little town on the coast of Maine is home. My brother lives there with his wife. Henry and I spend every Christmas there with them. It’s something incredibly special.”

 “Family is what makes it home, isn’t that right?” Killian offered her a sad smile.

 “I shouldn’t be complaining about this to you. You’re so far from your family. It’s hardly fair of me to be upset over not seeing them this one day when it’s a reasonably short drive whenever we want.”

 “Love, I’m exactly the one you should be complaining to. I get it. Being away from family, especially around the holidays, is hard. And, for the record, my family isn’t nearly as far away as you think they are love. Yes, many of my relatives live in Ireland still, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have family here in the states.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t be.”

 Emma leaned back into the sofa with a frustrated sigh. “I just don’t know what to tell Henry. I mean, of course I’m upset myself, but he’s the one I’m worried about. He hasn’t stopped talking about Christmas for weeks. The Christmas he knows is all about going and seeing family in a snow covered town and waking up to the smell of cinnamon pancakes and seeing glittering lights on a giant natural tree. David and Mary Margaret go all out. I’ve barely done anything.” Emma groaned. “I’m such a failure as a mother. I should have the apartment all decorated and I should’ve bought him more gifts. I’m just used to relying on them to figure out the Christmas magic. I’m the one who should have been doing it, but I didn’t and now it’s too late.”

 Killian shook his head. He places his mug down on the coffee table then reached over, took Emma’s mug from her hands, and did the same with her mug. Then, he hugged her. Eventually she gave in and hugged back.

 “You are not a bad mum. You are wonderful with Henry. None of this is your fault. Most days, you’re barely scraping by. I know you don’t like to admit it, but I’ve witnessed it, alright? You somehow still manage to always have a smile on your face for your lad. You always have time no matter how tired you are, no matter how much work you have left to do. So maybe this Christmas isn’t going to be like Henry’s previous experiences. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad.”

 “I just don’t even know where to start.”

 Killian smiled at her and stood up. “Start by telling Henry that your plans have changed. Explain to him why.” He paused. “Have you called your family yet? Let them know that you can’t make it?”

 Emma shook her head, guilt written on her face.

 “Well, maybe start by calling them and then tell Henry. Then, I’ll swing by your place and let the young lad know that he and his mother are both invited to spend Christmas eve and day at the Jones residence next store.” Emma’s mouth opened and she looked ready to fight him on that but Killian just charged right through the rest of his instructions. “Also, as long as this works for your relatives of course, let him know that you’ll be calling or video-chatting with his Aunt and Uncle sometime over Christmas. It’s not the same, but it is nice to be able to see them, I can speak from experience.”

 “Wait, wait, wait.” Emma finally spoke up as Killian paused. “We’re not spending Christmas with you.”

 Killian looked at her with a smug smirk on his face but he played innocent. “Why not? Henry knows me. I’d maybe even venture to say that he likes me. And I will have you know that Christmases in the Jones households are always wonderful. No matter what. You would be more than welcome to join.”

 “Killian, no. We’re not going to intrude.”

 Killian let out a frustrated grunt. “Swan, you are not intruding. I’m inviting you. My brothers are coming with their respective significant others and we’re somehow all going to fit in this small flat. That’s one that hasn’t been figured out yet, but I assure you that no one is going to mind it if there’s more people. The more the merrier and all that. Plus, I guarantee you that my sister-in-law will be incredibly grateful to have another woman around. She loves us all dearly, but I’m sure she’d love you even more. Before you even say anything, no one would mind Henry. They’re all fond of children. There’s nothing wrong with you spending your Christmas with my family and with me.” He looked at her a moment but then looked down shyly, his hand coming up to his ear. “I’d be quite happy if you did.” His roguish smile returned as he looked back up at her. “Plus, I already bought you and the lad gifts anyway. It’s almost serendipitous that you’ll now be here to receive them.”

 “Killian! You shouldn’t be getting us-”

 “Oh Swan, really? If I have the extra money and want to buy my favorite little man and his mother Christmas gifts, I am allowed to.”

 “We shouldn’t spend christmas with you.” Emma refused again but it was obvious she was starting to come around.

 “Says who?” He said wearily. “C’mon. For once in your life Swan,” Killian reached forward and grabbed her hands, pulling her up from the sofa to stand in front of him, “take a chance and have some fun. You deserve it.”

“Henry, Henry sweetheart. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

 The waterworks had started almost as soon as Emma had broken the news that they wouldn’t be headed to Storybrooke. Henry’s little face had screwed up,his eyes squeezed shut, and then he’d let out a heartbreaking wail.

 “Oh,come on, Henry,” Emma wrapped her arms around Henry and brought him close to her. She ran her hand up and down his back. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine. I know this isn’t what we planned. I know you’re upset, but it’s still Christmas. We can still have a wonderful Christmas here in Boston.”

 Henry continued to cry.

 It was two hours later when Emma had finally coaxed Henry to dry his eyes. He now sat on the plush love seat, his small body swaddled in three blankets. Emma had slipped a warm mug of cocoa into his hands with firm instructions for him to drink carefully and slowly.

 There was a soft knock at the apartment door before it swung open and Killian stepped in. He followed the sound of little sniffles coming from the living room. He rapped his knuckles on the doorway, capturing the little boy’s attention. Henry looked up with a pout.

 “What has you so upset, lad?” Killian walked over and crouched down in front of Henry.

 Henry’s frown deepened. “I - I don't -” he stumbled over the words as tears threatened to begin flowing again, “I don’t get to have Christmas.”

Killian looked at the boy with kind eyes. “Hush now,” he gently wiped the stray tears from Henry’s cheeks. “You’ll get to have Christmas. We all get to have Christmas.”

 “But we can’t get there,” he protested.

 Killian laughed kind heartedly. “Christmas isn’t a place. Christmas is everywhere. Christmas will happen right here in this building. It’ll be in this very flat. Mine too.” He smiled at the boy. “And that’s exactly where you’ll have Christmas. That is if you want to.”

 Henry looked at Killian and then up at Emma who was standing by the doorway. His round eyes returned back to the man in front of him. “Christmas at your house? Can Mommy come too?”

 “Of course your mum can come!” He replied with a laugh and a smile.

 “But-But there’s no snow here. How can it be Christmas with no snow?”

 “Well,” Killian started, “lucky for you, I have a friend coming for Christmas who is quite the expert when it comes to snow.”

 “Really? A snow expert?”

 “Really, truly.”

 Henry thought for a moment and then looked over at his mother nervously. “Can we?”

 Killian looked over at her too, his eyes wide and innocent. “Yes, can we?”

 Emma fought back a smile. “Yes, we can.” The edges of her lips pulled up just a little.

 Henry turned back to Killian, a happy look on his face. “We can have Christmas with you!” he squealed excitedly. He then reached out to wrap his arms around Killian’s neck in a hug. “Thank you Killy,” the little boy said.

 Killian smiled into the boy’s soft hair. “You’re very welcome lad.”

The next day, Christmas Eve, Emma and Henry could be found in the apartment of Killian Jones at an hour far too early for Emma’s tastes.

 “There aren’t any decorations,” Henry said. He sent a confused and accusatory look towards Killian.

 “Not yet,” Killian said. “It’s tradition in my family to do all the decorating the day before. Now, my brother and his wife are bringing the tree so we won’t be able to start on that until they get here. We can, however, turn on some Christmas carols, drink some eggnog, and start the rest of the decorating. How does that sound, lad?”

 Henry enthusiastically nodded his head. “Yes, please.”

The happy trio almost didn’t hear the doorbell when it rang at noon. They were having too much fun. Emma had been surprised by Killian’s taste in music. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it wasn’t his chosen playlist of holiday tunes that varied between classic Bing Crosby and classic rock. Laughter surely did fill the air. Killian’s flat looked a great deal more festive since their arrival there that morning. Currently, the three of them were in Killian’s small kitchen decorating Christmas cookies.

 The bell rang again and Killian hurriedly licked the icing from his wrist and headed towards the door, calling out to whomever was on the other side, “Coming! Coming!”

 He opened the door and a giant smile spread across his face. “Liam!” he shouted. “Elsa!”

 The pair on the other side of the door smiled at him. “Brother!” Liam called back, clapping a hand on Killian’s shoulder.

 Elsa smiled and tried to contain a laugh. “Um, Killian?” She tapped her nose.

 He looked at her confused for a moment but then wiped his finger against his own nose. It came back with a smear of blue icing. He laughed. “Huh. I’m sure this could be blamed on a certain little elf in the kitchen.”

 Elsa laughed again. “So, do we get to be introduced?”

 “Of course, of course, sorry. Come on in.” Killian opened the door wider and let his older brother and sister-in-law inside. They shed their coats and handed them over to Killian followed by hugs all around. Killian guided them towards the kitchen. “Emma. Henry.”

 Emma had managed to wrangle Henry away from the sweet treats and forced him to turn towards the new arrivals even as he attempted to hide behind his mother. “Hi,” Emma said, nervousness clear in her voice.

 “You must be Miss Swan,” the curly haired man said to her with a bright smile. “My little brother’s mentioned you more than once. It is an absolute pleasure to finally meet you.” He walked towards her and grasped both of her hands.

 “Oh,” Emma said surprised. Killian had mentioned her? What had he said? “I - It’s very nice to meet you too!” She stumbled over her words in surprise.

 “Killian laughed from behind his brother. He reached a hand onto the older man’s shoulder and pulled him away from Emma a few steps. “Emma, this is my older brother, Liam.” He motioned to the elegant blond woman behind them. She stepped up closer and placed a hand on her husband’s arm. “This is his wife, Elsa.”

 “It’s lovely to meet you, Emma.”

 “You too.” Emma said, relaxing a bit in response to Elsa’s kind and casual smile.

 “And who is that charming young man with you?” Elsa asked playfully, pointing towards the shy Henry.

 “That,” Killian began with a smile, “would be young Henry.” He leaned down towards the boy and nudged him forward. “You remember me telling you about my friend the snow expert, don’t you Henry?”

 He nodded his head.

 “Well, Elsa is that snow expert. I am sure she would love to help you make some snow to celebrate with.”

 “I would love to.” She smiled at the little boy. “Snow is one of my favorite parts of Christmas.”

 “Me too.”

 Elsa took Henry’s small hand and moved him out towards the living room after getting a nod of permission from Emma.

 “So,” Killian turned to his brother. “Do you need some help bringing up your bags?”

 Liam nodded. “That would be fine. We also have something a bit bigger that you’ll need to help me bring up.” Liam smiled brightly at them both, mischief in his eyes.

Henry sat in front of the big tree, his eyes wide and his mouth dropping open just slightly.

 “It’s a beautiful tree, Liam, really. Thank you.” Killian told his brother.

 “Well, we couldn’t show up empty handed,” Elsa said. She sat next to Henry and was still busy cutting out paper snowflakes. Henry had momentarily forgotten about the promise of snow while he was still enamored by the giant pine tree.

 The sound of the doorbell rang out again throughout the apartment.

 “Ah, that must be our brother. Late as always,” Liam joked.

 Killian laughed and moved to open the door. “You’re finally here,” he laughed as he motioned for the men outside to come in.

 “Come on, Florida is a bit far from Boston, okay? And god, did we have delays or what trying to get here?” the younger man said, turning to his companion. “And bloody hell is it cold up here.”

 Elsa rolled her eyes and shouted to the youngest of the brothers from where she sat in the living room, not even turning around to look at him, “Maybe if you wore something warmer than a t-shirt you wouldn’t have that problem.”

 “How does she-?” he started, but shook his head, deciding to drop it. After all, this did happen every year.

A rumbling laugh responded. “I try to tell him, Elsa. Every year.” the other new arrival finally spoke up.

 Killian joined in the laughter at his brother’s expense. “He just can’t learn.” He leaned over and ruffled his brother’s hair.

 “Oh, Killian, really?”

 He laughed. “Your hair’s longer.”

 “Is it?!” came a surprised shout from Liam and he darted out towards the entryway to catch sight of his other brother and his supposedly longer hair.

 “Come off it!” the younger Liam groaned. “I like my hair. Dakkar likes my hair. The two of you are the only ones who feel any need to poke fun.”

 “We’re your brothers, Brennan. Of course we’re going to poke fun,” Liam responded.

 The two Liams continued bantering as they made their way farther inside the apartment. Killian lingered by the door with his brother’s partner. “It’s good to see you Nemo,” he said as the darker man pulled him into a hug.

 Introductions were made. Very confusing introductions were made.

 “Yes, my older brother is named Liam and so is my younger brother. I thought I’d told you this Swan.”

 “I’m Liam David.”

 “And I’m Liam Brennan.”

 “I get just plain Liam because I’m older. He’s Liam Brennan. Or Brennan. Or LB. Or Little Liam.” Older Liam smirked. “Little Liam is my personal favorite.”

 The Younger Liam let out what could almost be considered a growl but was quickly placated by the arm that wrapped around his waist and the firm body that accompanied it.

 “I’m Dakkar Nemo,” the man that arm and body belonged to said, introducing himself to Emma. He smiled honestly and amicably at her.

 Emma smiled back at him. “Emma Swan.”

 He nodded at her and turned back to the other men.

 Elsa leaned over towards Emma. “Nemo is Liam’s partner of seven years. Think of them as a married couple,” she whispered to her.

 Emma nodded and smiled her thanks at the other woman. She hadn’t been 100% sure what the relationship was between Liam Brennan and Nemo, but Elsa’s explanation matched up with Emma’s suspicions.

 She was very glad that Henry knew enough to not comment on the relationship between the two men. She wasn’t homophobic by any means and it’s not as if Henry was a judgemental little boy. He was, however, always questioning and curious. Emma was now very grateful that when she and Henry had gone up to Storybrooke this past July, Henry’s Uncle August had currently had a boyfriend. It was much easier for an uncle to answer his nephew’s questions than Emma assumed it would be for a stranger, even one that seemed as nice as Nemo.

It was almost midnight.

 The guest room had been set up for Liam and Nemo. Killian’s own bedroom had been arranged for Liam and Elsa. Killian had set up the sofa bed for his own use.

The tree glittered with lights, ornaments, garlands, and tinsel. Liam Brennan had laughed along with Henry as the two struggled together to make a homemade popcorn garland. Elsa had needed to intervene in order to make sure the garland got finished.

 Emma had found herself getting along well with all of Killian’s family, especially his in-laws Elsa and Nemo. They’d all instantly brought her (and Henry) into their little circle.

 When the Jones family had gathered around Elsa’s laptop to skype her sister and brother-in-law along with some other family members, Emma had taken Henry back to their own apartment next store in order to skype their own family in Storybrooke. Henry had initially whined at having to leave Killian’s but had quickly brightened back up when his Uncle David had answered the video call. Henry had proceeded to tell David and Mary Margaret all about the “Best Christmas Ever” they were having and his new friends, Liam and Elsa.

 When Elsa popped her head in to let the Swan duo know that their calls were done and that they hadn’t needed to leave, Henry had quickly blown kisses goodbye to his favorite Aunt and Uncle, shouted an “I love you!” followed by a “Merry Christmas!”, and barrelled towards Elsa and back over to the Jones home. That left Emma alone on the video call with her brother and sister-in-law.

 “So,” Mary Margaret had said with a knowing smile, “are you ready to trade in the Nolans for the Joneses?”

 “No! Of course not!”

 “Hmmm, yeah, of course not,” David rolled his eyes. “I better meet this Killian guy first, okay? What kind of name is Killian anyway?”

 “David,” Emma affectionately whined, “there’s nothing between Killian and I.” She paused. “And it’s Irish.”

 Now, as it approached the very start of Christmas day, Emma stood back in Killian Jones’ kitchen. She stood beside him. Each held a glass of eggnog (with just a splash of rum). Henry was asleep in front of the tree, wrapped up in the afghan that usually covered Killian’s sofa.  

 “So, Swan,” he spoke quietly to her as to not wake the others. “How has this Christmas been so far?”

 She smiled at him. “It’s been wonderful Killian. I can’t thank you enough. You, and your family, are absolutely incredible.”

 Killian gave her his trademark smirk. “You think I’m incredible, love?”

 Emma snorted.

 “In all honesty, Emma, this has been my best Christmas in years. You’re the incredible one, love. A part of me hopes that your flight gets cancelled next year. And the year after that. And every year as long as you and Henry live next door.” He stepped closer to her and reached his free hand out to tangle with hers.

 Emma didn’t know what to do. Emma didn’t know what to say. He was so close. He was always so close. He was always there whenever she was upset. He was always there to make her smile and to make Henry laugh. He was always there. Always so close. Yet, it never felt too close with him.

 “Killian, I-” A dong noise came from by the door. It was the antique grandfather clock Killian had in the entryway.

 Killian smiled at her, his eyes practically sparkling. “It’s Christmas,” he whispered, childlike excitement clear in his voice.  He leaned forward, Emma held her breath, and he place a soft kiss upon her cheek. “Merry Christmas, Swan,” he breathed. He backed away, a small smile still on his face.

 Emma watched him turn and start to walk out the kitchen. No. She rushed forward. “Killian.” She grasped his hand and pulled him back towards her. His blue eyes looked so sad and so hopeful. She pulled him towards her and then she stepped closer. She kissed him. She kissed him on his lips.

 Killian wrapped his arm around her. She was it. She was everything.

 When they broke apart, Killian couldn’t have worn a happier expression on his face. Emma stepped back but didn’t let her hands leave his. A small smile was playing on her lips.

 “Merry Christmas, Swan,” he repeated.

 She nodded at him. “And to many more,” she laughed.

Ta-dah! That's all for the Holiday AU! Happy Day 1 of CS AU WEEK 2k17!!! (Now I just have to figure out what to do for a crossover!)

Merry Christmas in September Everyone!

[leonbastralle]

Reply Binge 2k17 (June 29 - July 4th)

Yooo happy stars n stripes day xD

YOU BREAK ME

@noobooplumbobs said: 😘

BUTTS

@zauglom said: 👏👏👏 

❤❤❤

I knew you would not let me down ;_; butts are such a good thing Idk why there were so few around...

THE RESPONSIBLE FRIEND

@fadingandruil said: I feel like triplets brought out a new side to you 

That is true, hope everyone enjoyed the ride xD also all those URL changes be stressing my brain man...I keep using the wrong ones and then wondering why it doesn’t work.

@fadingandruil said: Time for you to go to bed Annie 

No really it feels like you’re the responsible friend who’s trying to drag the drunk friend out of a bar xD even tho I’m neither drunk nor at a bar ever.

RL PICTURES AND TAGS

@amixofpixels said: Look at the penguins!

They’re just normal birds, I’d say ;) but yes! I love em ♥

@amixofpixels said: Also, join the club, my dear. My body is dead. 

I guess I’ll give you that, I’m sure your body is much deader than mine. It IS kind of unpleasant, but nothing really hurts very badly, it’s just...a weird feeling.

@zauglom said: It's St.Pete on the right stamp (duh) by the way!! 😀 

Shame on me, I didn’t even guess. I was just fangirling very hard xD

@zauglom said: So happy you received it!! I was worried our post would lose it 😶 

daaaamn tell me about it, I recently sent a package to Malta and that was like...the most tense weeks of my life xD but yeah it arrived safely and it made me so so so so SO HAPPY! And my parents also thought it was cute ;) since they got it when I wasn’t around.

MIRACLES

@twinsimskeletons said: oh man i've missed those faces 

;_; tell me about it. I felt super weird when I saw all their faces again! So bittersweet ;_; Jam and Jelly almost got lost forever, so that was scary too xD but now everyone’s saved so that’s good.

@twinsimskeletons said: you KILL ME 

thaT’S GOOD IT MEANS MY PLAN IS WORKING

tho it’s killing me too so that’s a problem I guess

@twinsimskeletons said: the sun shines on these two ,<3 

engagement approved! no but really it’s not too hard to get these shots in 4, the sunlight does some magic ♥

@twinsimskeletons said: somehow i just thought about how perfect flame's hair is and how i can imagine him in vids just sweeping his hand through all casually and how there would be so many gifs of that because damn my ovaries 

aszjfhvbuasjhfvashjfvsjahfvasjfhvajshfvasjzfhvasjfhvasd ;______;

it’s canon. everyone will go crazy I love it (and here’s me once again talking about my story as if it was reality)

@twinsimskeletons said: nah he's totes staring at that butt 

can’t he be both sappy AND thirsty? xD

@zauglom said: Now that IS the problem 😂

I know, I know :/ I really like this wall tho, it’s tradition.

[agl03]

AOS 4x19: AKA For the love of all things can someone kidnap Fitz from the clutches of evil already!

I don’t think a show has had me to this point of sheer tear inducing frustration, ever.   But holy cats did we get a whole pile of theories confirmed here.

Diving right in under the thing!

Coulson:   PHIL COULSON AGENT OF SHIELD IS BACK!   Have to say that was a pretty awesome speech there at the end with the Fury quote.  I loved it.  We watched him slipping back into his role as leader and as predicted he’s going to come out of this with a renewed will to fight for Shield.  Coulson has a huge target on his back right now as we know he’s in serious danger in the final fight AND that the Superior can’t wait to go after him once he’s free from his programming (oh boy more on that later!)

May:  May is coming back too!  She doesn’t have her memories…at all.  So aside for Coulson it looks like they could get out of the Framework without getting their actual memories back. But her will to fight for the right side is back.  AIDA said she was breaking her programming (again more on that later because I was screaming into my pillow).  Super nice to see May kicking butt and taking names.  Look for more of that from her as we make our final push to get the heck out of Dodge.  

Mack:  Mack is coming back too and getting pulled deeper into the cause.  Though I don’t know how he’s going to take leaving Hope, or if he’s even on that final mission in the promo.  I fully expect him to be one that isn’t ready or willing to leave.  Mack is also one I’m starting to struggle with here because it seems the writers didn’t really know what to do with him aside from give him Hope and totally kill us with feels in the process.  

Trip:  Oh it’s so nice to have you back.  Even better when Jemma lists off all sorts of crazy stuff and he’s all sure, lets steal the Quin Jet…fake world, robots, totally sounds legit.  All I ask writers is I don’t have to watch him die again.  Don’t get attached guys, he’s not coming back PLG or no.

Ward:  I’ve got mixed feelings here.  Because this version of Ward is interesting.  But that is this version of Ward that was programmed by the book of doom and shaped by a world that the evil robot built to achieve her own evil plans.  We have to remember HOW MUCH manipulation by AIDA is in play here.  They also left it open as to if he’s died or not. Burrows is on the Release for 20 and since Burrows was with Ward at the TV Station there is a good chance that he makes it through too.  Otherwise I think they would have showed him dying.  I’m still expecting a twist with him and will just have to go down with the ship on that one if I’m wrong.  Just be leery…we’re very much getting “The Fantasy” aka a redemption kind of arc…and the last time they gave us “The Fantasy” fans wanted was with Philinda….and she was an LMD at the time…there is always a price…always a twist.  

Daisy:  Has her powers back!  The collective fandom likely cheered when she blasted Madame Hydra out the elevator there.  She got the exit point, Jemma has the real world location, now it’s a matter of getting out with everyone they can alive.  Daisy didn’t get as much of a leader arc as I thought she would with Couslon stepping up more.  Though loved her fight scenes and am looking forward to the Trip/Daisy reunion next week.

Jemma:  Jemma has realized why AIDA needs Fitz and what project looking glass is and that was her huge win this week.  Not to mention mine when we got the confirmation the dang thing was being built in the real world.  Next week look for Woman on Fire as the push to get to Fitz begins in earnest.  I’m here with popcorn to see her get a shot in on Papa Fitz.

Fitz:  Literally pulling my hair out in frustration here.   I want SO BAD for him to be rescued and no one is even trying right now.  But that is part of the point.  Its beyond clear that AIDA’s manipulations run DEEP with Fitz.  She didn’t just ‘fix’ a regret.  She adjusted people around him, especially his father, to get him in this position.  She took away his heart, openness, and kindness.  Twisted his love for Jemma to herself.  That he was her target and now one of her prizes in all of this.  She isolated him, took away those he really loves, and handed him over to a mad man.  He has done what she manipulated him to do now, got Project Looking Glass working.  And I have a whole pile of asks in already about The Doctor making it to the real world, I need to mull on them overnight so expect a proper meta later.  At the very least, that is now a massive ticking clock and the fight to save Fitz has really begun.   What will really kick it up a notch is if he’s going to get scanned by that thing and get a new body, or if AIDA will plug him into Fitz’s existing body and Jemma needs to get him disconnected before that happens.  

For those who are upset that Fitz hasn’t stared to ‘come around’ yet remember he has been isolated. Seeing Jemma helped but he’s been trapped by Madame Hydra and his Father who constantly re enforce the programming to keep him on track.  Imagine if May had gotten her wake up call but then was stuck in a room and had that programming re enforced.  The person he needs to really break free is Jemma and that is the reason they’ve been kept apart for so long.

Radcliffe:  Well I like him again as he scored points in the great Dad off of 2K17…so that means his days are numbered here and/or he’s going to betray us again.  Good job standing up to Papa Fitz there, we were cheering for you here.  He does seem to take The Doctor up on his deal in the promo. I can still see Radcliffe falling to save Fitz and now perhaps to stop AIDA.  Playing along in order to get to where he can be in a position to stop it.  

Papa Fitz:  I think I speak for the fandom here when I saw you just need to go to Hades!  But we also got a HUGE confirmation that AIDA is indeed the puppet master and went beyond fixing a regret.  Because Radcliffe confirmed that she CHANGED Papa Fitz from his real world counter part. And again there are hundreds of ways she could have done that and kept him in Fitz life.  If she could change him she could have made him as kind and caring as Fitz was…but instead she made him horrible, evil, abusive, a** so that he would ‘program’ Fitz how she needed him for her plans.  

Misc Items:

There was a lot of screaming as more than one theory hit here tonight.

First up we have that AIDA is indeed still bound by her programming.  She (and Robo Superior) can’t kill the hostages.  Even more she still has to protect them.  The exception being Daisy and Jemma since they are threats to the Framework.

AIDA did more than fix a regret, she PROGRAMMED them into roles for her world.  Like I’ve been saying she needed things a certain way and manipulated things around the hostages to make that happen.   Yes, she fixed a regret but she also forced them down specific paths, especially Fitz.  

Project Looking Glass will indeed bring Madame Hydra to the real world (But I’m not letting go that something worse is still lurking or going to use it to come through.  That dang book has showed multiple people how to make the same thing and that is not good).  In doing so this will give AIDA the free will and choice she wants, allow her to be free if the limitations of her programming.  In many ways that is part of what keeps throwing her off with the hostages, because they are human they can overcome their programming, especially when they start to really fight it as Coulson and May have.

And since that is the case that does open up the can of worms of others from the Framework coming to the Real World.  Fitz clearly gives Radcliffe the option in the promo…but what about Trip, Ward, and Hope.   Trip isn’t going to happen, BJ is on another show.  Ward…I’m on the fence about….and could see it happening if the circumstances are right. Hope…okay yes lets bring Hope over please so I don’t have to die when Mack says goodbye.  

Choice is also key here. What does AIDA do when she has choice. When she is no longer bound by the parameters of Radcliffe’s programming.  She knows it’s not possible to recreate the world she did in the Framework. But she could try, she knows what it took to get that world there and could try to recreate the same things in the real world so she could seize control once more.  Or she just wants to go live the simple life.  

Next week as everything comes to a head and we just have to hang on for dear life though the episode. Fitzsimmons will FINALLY come face to face as the race to save the team will begin, with more than one life hanging in the balance.  We heard in the promo that Coulson was going to die so we know his life is on the line. With the other being Fitz.  The Doctor wants to come through…so the big question is does AIDA plug the Doctor into Fitz’s body…or does he get a new one like her and then they dispose of the original.  Either way it’s a race for Jemma to get to him in time or she’ll lose him forever.  

��

[deecherrywolf]

Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender Pairings: Klance (obviously) Rating: PG Prompt: KlanceWeek 2k17 Day 4 - Welcome Home Summary: Lance takes Keith home with him on a visit.

“Are you sure you want me to come with you?”

Lance frowned at the uncertainty in Keith’s voice - the way his dark eyes were cast in a worrying light, even while he asked the dumbest question he’d ever asked him. Lance threaded their fingers together, squeezing Keith’s hand to his and gave him one of those smiles he tried to save only for Keith - just like the ones Keith definitely saved for him.

“Yes, I do.”

They were headed to the hangar, Keith worrying at his lower lip as they made it to a cruiser. He watched as Lance jumped in. Lance looked down at Keith, his heart thumping at the look on Keith’s face - one of not only worry, but a fear of rejection.

“They’re your family.”

Lance tutted, moving his finger back and forth in front of the two of them. “Ah,ah, ah. That’s where you’re wrong. If we’re ever going to get married, they are going to be your family too.”

That, like always, made Keith’s face burn. Damn, Lance loved making Keith blush. The other wasn’t a heavy blusher, but when he did? Lance just wanted to take him and carry him off to do unspeakable things to him. It was not only that cute, but that alluring on the red paladin.

“C’mon, my mother really wants to meet you. Do you know how often I get scolded because I don’t bring you?”

“Really?” deadpanned Keith, who didn’t believe him.

“Yeah, really. It’s always. ‘Oh mijo, it’s just you - when am I going to let me meet your better half?’ and ‘I’d like to meet your love before you two marry.’ and all that junk.”

Keith hummed, his brows unknotting and it seemed like he was relenting. Finally, he climbed into the cruiser with Lance. Lance felt his whole body grow warm. Keith was going to meet his family, finally. His family knew what Keith looked like - as they always watched any news the Galaxy Garrison revealed about Voltron and Keith was always present for such things, but they had never met him in person. Lance was glad it would be with him.

The cruiser charted Lance’s usual course home, by passing planets he’d visited and liked, the memory of some of them made him chuckle, while Keith gave him dirty looks - as if he knew exactly why he liked some of those planets.

“You liked Theris too.”

Keith’s cheeks turned pink and he flicked Lance on neck, making Lance laugh again.

Once Earth was in sight, Lance slowed his cruiser down - as he always did when he come close to his home planet. The sight of it, just outside of it was one that was indescribable. An uncomparable feeling swept through him at the beauty of it, how he loved his planet. But more importantly, how much he loved the people who lived within that beautiful blue planet. It housed his family and its where most of his current family was from.

It gave him his soulmate too.

He looked at Keith, eyes twinkling. “Ready?”

Keith let out a soft nervous sound, but nodded. The two of them made the descent to Earth. Of course, the Garrison was notified when they breached the atmosphere, but all of their cruisers were registered in many bases, so no threat was giving, just an alert that two of them were coming for a visit. If it had been their lions, the Garrison would have been worried there was a threat.

It saddened Lance that he couldn’t always bring Blue with him home, as she had resided here too for a while, but he couldn’t help that.

“There’s the beach.”

Lance watched Keith eye the beautiful white sands of the beach he loved, and when they landed, Lance got out first, holding out his hand for Keith to take. Keith wrinkled his nose at him and just jumped out. So much for romance. Lance shrugged and then turned toward the town where he lived. Keith swallowed nervously, following Lance at a healthy distance, his nerves obviously getting to him. When they arrived at a house that couldn’t anyone elses but the Reyes-McClain home, Keith stopped by the fence while Lance walked straight up to the door, knocking softly.

The door opened to reveal an older woman that was definitely Lance’s mother. She was lighter in complexion, but Keith could tell it was his mother - the shape of her mouth, the length of her fingers. The woman’s brown hair was definitely becoming a silvery color, which was no surprise. She hugged Lance, holding her baby boy close and then she caught sight of Keith, who seemed to freeze up.

Lance looked at Keith. “Mama, this is Keith, my boyfriend.”

That word was rarely spoken, even though the two of them felt it between each other often. Keith’s cheeks darkened as he walked up the sidewalk and stood before Lance’s mother. The woman said something in a language he didn’t know - but heard Lance mumble not only to himself, but in the communicator when he contacted his family. And then Keith was swept up in a hug as well.

“About time you bring him to me.”

Lance snorted. “It’s like you are more excited to see him than me.”

“I see you more often, It’s not every day I get to meet the man who stole your heart.”

Lance blushed at that while Keith smiled. It was true though, Keith definitely held Lance’s heart and the same could be said about Lance. They had exchanged hearts long ago. Lance’s mother smoothed back Keith’s hair, looking up into his face and then she made a soft sound.

“He’s handsome.”

Keith fought the blush back while Lance made almost the exact same soft sound.

“Of course, he’s my boyfriend.”

His mother nodded, as if it were gospel that Lance would have a handsome boyfriend, and maybe it was. Keith watched the woman usher them in and then she smiled. “Mandy will be coming home this weekend from college, I can contact Lissa to come as well?”

Lance hummed, eying Keith. “You ready to meet the whole family?”

Keith’s heart pounded, but when he looked at the woman who had given birth to the love of his life, the acceptance in those warm brown eyes, the soft smile, carved within aged lines, Keith couldn’t help but want to meet them all. He wanted to meet these wonderful people who raised Lance. Wanted to see them. He smiled and nodded.

“Wonderful! Let me go grab the phone, oh-.”

Keith watched as Lance’s mother kissed Lance on the cheek and said something in that beautiful language. And then, she was turning to Keith and kissed him on the cheek too.

“Welcome home.”

Warmth flooded Keith’s being and he had never felt more at home than he did now.

[scenerdoth777]

My Thoughts Watching Twilight for the First Time

Ever since Twilight first came out, I was never allowed to watch them for reasons. Despite that, I had so much second hand fandom from my friends at the time that now,  almost ten years since the first film came out, I’ve decided to watch it. Here were my thoughts:

You never thought about how you would die? Obvious set up.

Oh god. Kristen Stewart, you’re hot but you can’t act to save your life.

I genuinely like Jacob. He’s not as much of a stalker as Edward is.

Why are people at school so welcoming? Like, when I first went to a public school nobody said hi to me, or automatically knew my name. Was Stephanie Myers homeschooled her entire life?

I will show my love to you through my staaaaaares

Wait a guy just got killed? Go back to that! Go back to that! Don’t leave me with this shitty love story!

Clumsiness. Bella’s fatal flaw. The only one she has.

Ah yes, the infamous “Kristen Stewart doesn’t know how ketchup bottles work” scene.

The Cullens show up in an army jeep to school every day.

The asian kid is obviously gay, so why is he trying to get with with Bella? Honestly why is every guy in this film trying to get with Bella?

Why the fuck would you want a golden onion? Also, on the netflix subtitles when the students are booing it says they are catcalling. Needed to mention that.

Oh my god, Bella and Edward are so awkward. This is what happens when you try and cause romance in a biology class instead of chemistry.

More staring.

“Your difficult for me to read.” Romantic my ass. That is creepy

He just saved her from a van with super strength. I know what you are Edward. You’re a super hero. This is going to turn into a super hero movie and actually be enjoyable. Wait, no? Damn.

Even more stares.

Dad’s gonna take a black kid’s license away just for him loosing control of his van? WTF bro?

“I was standing right next to you” *why the fuck you lying starts to play in the background*

WAIT IS THAT FUCKER WATCHING HER AS SHE SLEEPS? THIS ISN’T LOVE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT THIS AIN’T LOVE.

Just found out it was a “dream”. Sure honey. Keep telling yourself that.

Alice is hot and obviously gay, but has a boyfriend. Why are all the gay coded characters straight? Is it cause a Mormon wrote this?

Compost tea. Sounds like a challenge.

I don’t think that Bella can be interested in anything.

That apple just fell on his foot and rolled up his leg. Edward would be great at hacky sack.

Oh boy, here comes the bad boy trope.

*batman voice* I am the friend that you deserve, but not the friend you need.

Did Bella just tell someone to take control and be a strong independent woman when she does the exact opposite???? The fuck?

Well that was a lame ass backstory for the vampire/werewolf feud.

MOAR KILLING. LESS CREEPY ROMANCE! Although they really used some state of the art effects for the speedy vampire things.

This film may show so many sexist things, but it does show that women do not like catcalling. You did one thing right film, although probably by accident.

Man saves girl from gangbangers so he himself can get some v.

Edward is a bad driver. Bella’s dad should revoke his license.

Edward is a stalker. Hands down. Run Bella. Run far away.

Ugh. The “i don’t have the strength to stay away from you” trope.

I do admit, I have sexual fantasies of having my blood sucked by a lady vampire, but not by one that stalked me. This child is a wreck and should be saved from herself.

I know what you are. Say it. Out loud. A Hufflepuff.

When Edward goes into the sunlight, you will find out that he’s addicted to body glitter. It’s all over him.

Bella has a glitter kink. Or is it fetish. I think it’s a fetish when it’s a specific item. So glitter fetish it is then.

“This is the skin of a killer, Bella”. Honey, that looks like the skin of a 4 year old girls doll after they smothered it in glitter glue.

Now there’s the “Your blood is like a drug to me” vampire trope. Yes this was in Vampire Knight and it didn’t bother me, but they at least pulled it off. This is just bullshit.

Bitch, you just met the hoe. You are not unconditionally in love with him.

Edward has a nice house. He’s giving off rich vegan vibes now.

“Bella and I are going to be great friends” Can Bella and Alice be a bit more than that? Please?

I have heard Claire de Lune in too many hentais to take this seriously.

What kind of pet name is spidermonkey?

One wrong move and Bella will fall out of this tree and this series will end a lot faster.

POLICE DOGGOS.

Let Bella be an introvert 2k17.

God Edward your a creep. Watching her sleep. Not hot at all.

Edward just cockblocked himself. Lol.

Ah, the infamous baseball scene.

EPIC GUITAR RIFF Some new challengers approach

Yay. Now there’s a hunter that’s going to kill her. Why do I not care?

I know that she’s trying to leave and shit, but Bella is being a dick to her dad.

Idk why, but I have a feeling that Rosalie would turn bad later on in the series

Edward is codependent.

Obvious set up in the beginning is repeated again.

It was a videotape??? Ok that was clever actually.

Now he’s video taping his feed like a pervert would video tape his rape. Gross.

JUST LET BELLA TURN INTO A VAMPIRE AND JUST END THE WHOLE SERIES RIGHT THERE AND NOT MAKE US SUFFER WITH THAT EDWARD/BELLA/JACOB SHIT.

ALSO, WHY CAN’T THE DOCTOR SUCK THE VENOM OUT! HE’S A PROFESSIONAL! WHY ODES IT HAVE TO BE EDWARD!

Look, I live in Florida and Jacksonville is not sunny everyday. Obviously the author has never been to Florida.

God dammit, Bella you are so codependent.

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious.

Despite how terrible the movie is, I want to watch the sequels just to see how worse they get from there. I am a masochist.

[joementa]

Week Of May 1, 2017.

This week was the kick-off of what I have deemed Emo Fest 2K17, consisting of four consecutive (for me) Ryan Adams/DRA shows.  I won’t complain about that.  Although after four DRA shows in a row, my emotions might be doing some complaining. Night 1 of Emo Fest 2K17 was at the Beacon Theatre in NYC.  Alex Edelman, a stand-up comic, opened the show.  I really enjoyed it.  I’ve always felt a connection with stand-up comics.  Not because of humor (I like to say that I TRY to be funny.  I don’t necessarily think that I AM funny), but because I think stand-up comics face one of the loneliest and most naked positions you could ever be in.  And a part of me has felt that way my entire life.  DRA’s show was fantastic, of course.  He was in a great mood, and was very funny, too.  The songs sounded great.  They ROCKED. The crowd was really great, too. They were locked into it, and everyone stood for the entire show.  That was nice, because as I said, this was a rock show.  

If you go to a lot of shows, you know that NYC always brings a great crowd.  And that’s emphasized more when a musician or band has a connection to the great city, which DRA does.  He played “New York, New York” solo acoustic, right up at the front of the stage, and you could hear a pin drop during that performance.  I was really happy that he played “Kim”.  It’s one of my favorite songs of his, from his great self-titled album.  “When The Stars Go Blue” was of course absurdly beautiful.  He also included a cover of “Wonderwall”, solo on electric guitar. What a performance.

Emo Fest 2K17 Night 2 was back at the Beacon, another sold out show.  One thing that was different from the previous night – I had a FRONT ROW ticket.  Pretty tough to beat that!  The show of course was great – both the band and the crowd rocked.  There’s nothing like an NYC crowd.  This show had TWO solo acoustic performances, and they were truly acoustic – no plugging in at all.  It was just DRA with an unplugged acoustic guitar, singing into the microphone.  Unlike the previous night, “New York, New York” was played full-band.  This may have been even more powerful than the night before.  There’s something very moving hearing DRA sing that great song in that great city.  I’ll never get tired of seeing shows in this city.  

After the show, two people approached me and told me that I was fun to watch.  They said it looked like I was having a lot of fun.  I actually have had many people over the years tell me this after shows, and my response is always, “Thank you.  And, if it looked like I was having fun, well that’s because I was!”  I can’t help but express myself when I’m at a show.  Often to a fault, music is my main form of communicating.  A feeling comes over me at a show, ESPECIALLY at a rock show, that is almost out of my body and mind.  I am singing and dancing and clapping and doing my signature finger pumping (those who have been with me at a show before know what this is).  I am completely lost in a higher place. That’s why I go to the shows.

Night 3 of Emo Fest 2K17 was at the Tower Theatre, outside of Philly.  I’m a big fan of that venue and have seen a bunch of great shows there over the years.  DRA’s show this year was a little weird.  The band, of course, was awesome.  DRA probably interacted with the crowd even more than in NYC.  He told a funny story about how a vending machine took his money in high school, so he shook it to get his candy and it fell on him, breaking his pinky.  He topped it off by saying that a high school friend said he was a member of Rage Against The Vending Machine.  That’s so cheesy that it’s hilarious.  

Although the story was funny, I come to these shows to feel it from the band and the crowd.  Like Bruce says, “in the crowd I feel at home.” I did not feel at home in this crowd. All of DRA’s main set was played with an electric guitar, and as I’ve said before, this was a true ROCK show.  At most rock shows, I am on an emotional journey, both internally and externally.  And you would think that a Saturday night crowd in Philly would have some sort of external reaction in a rock show.  Guess again.  Almost nobody stood up during this show, and for the few of us who did, we were verbally attacked by the crowd for doing it.  To top it off, DRA closed the show with “Come Pick Me Up” in the encore, which he traditionally plays.  This version was solo acoustic.  Guess what the crowd did.  If you guessed that they sat in their seat like they did for all of the rock songs, you would be wrong.  They stood and sang during the entire song.  Then the show was over.  Oh well. I still enjoyed the show.  I just had to enjoy it internally.

There were a bunch of new albums that came out this week that I need to check out, but because of Emo Fest 2K17, I’ve only had a chance to check out a couple of them.  In particular, I love the new Afghan Whigs album In Spades.  This should not be a surprise to anyone who knows me, because I love that band.  Their lead singer, Greg Dulli, is one of my favorite singers.  He does a fantastic job of combining a variety of genres and emotions in his voice.  I saw him live once, but unfortunately have not yet seen The Afghan Whigs live.  That will change this year, as they just announced a fall tour in the US, which I will not be missing.  The tour dates are right here.  I cannot give their show my own stamp of approval since I’ve never seen them, but I can’t imagine that they would put on a bad show.  I’m really looking forward to those shows later this year.

There are a lot of reissues coming up, and I think all of these are worth being excited for.  

A bunch of Iron Maiden vinyl reissues are slated for this summer.  Below is the schedule.

May 19

Fear Of The Dark

No Prayer For The Dying

The X Factor

Virtual

June 23

A Matter Of Life And Death

Brave New World

Dance Of Death

Rock In Rio

July 21

Death On The Road

En Vivo!

Flight 666

The Final Frontier

Purple Rain is being reissued on June 23, and there is a lot to be excited about here. There are a variety of options, but the Deluxe – Expanded Edition is the way to go, in my opinion.  Disc one is the original album (obviously), the second disc is 11 songs from the vault including 6 never before heard songs, and a third disc all of the singles and B-sides from the Purple Rain era.  Plus it comes with a DVD of Prince and The Revolution live on March 30, 1985.  No word yet on whether or not this is coming out on vinyl, but count me in either way!

One of my favorite albums ever is Exodus by Bob Marley.  It turns 40 years old this year, and not surprisingly, they are doing a massive reissue to celebrate.  There are a few different versions that will be released, which you can read about right here. I’m particularly excited about the super deluxe reissue version.  It includes FOUR vinyl LPs (including the original album, a “restatement” version that includes previously unused and unheard vocals, a live show), plus a bonus 7” with a previously unreleased version of “Waiting In Vain”.  Apparently the “restatement” version of “Turn Your Lights Down Low” is really good, and has an R&B vibe.  I’m excited to hear that one.  “Turn Your Lights Down Low” is my favorite Bob Marley song.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released 50 years ago this year, and they are celebrating it in a big way.  One again, there are a variety of options.  The double vinyl release includes a new stereo mix of the album for disc one, and a full disc of complete early takes from the Sgt. Pepper’s sessions in the same sequence as the album proper.  More music from The Beatles that has never been heard before. I will not complain about that. This comes out May 26.

Warpaint by the Black Crowes is being reissued on June 16

Here is a list of some of the music I’ve been listening to the past week.  Format: musician – album title, or musician – “song title” (album title).  As you can see by the list below, I listened to a lot of Bruce this week.  I’m still riding high from his storytellers discussion in NYC last week, and to keep it going, I had to listen to a lot of his music.  I usually do that when I see one of my favorite musicians.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see a lot of DRA on this list next week.

The Counting Crows – “A Long December” (Recovering The Satellites)

The Gaslight Anthem – “Mae” (Handwritten)

Bruce Springsteen – Greetings From Asbury Park, New Jersey

Bruce Springsteen – The Wild, The Innocent & The E-Street Shuffle

Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run

Bruce Springsteen – Darkness On The Edge Of Town

Bruce Springsteen – The River

Bruce Springsteen – Born In The U.S.A.

Bruce Springsteen – “Save My Love” b/w “Because The Night”

Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band – Scottrade Center, St. Louis, MO 8/23/08

Karen Elson – Double Roses

Iron & Wine – Archive Series Volume 3

Lady Gaga – “The Cure”

Prince – Prince

Prince – “I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man” (Sign O’ The Times)

The Afghan Whigs – In Spades

Chris Stapleton – From A Room, Volume 1

The Afghan Whigs – Black Love

The Afghan Whigs – “Faded” (Black Love)

Maren Morris – Hero

Ed Sheeran – Divide

Joni Mitchell – Court and Spark

D’Angelo – Brown Sugar

[inter-galaxy]

Promises

I wrote my first work for the Namjoon bingo 2k17. Of course it had to be namgi and angst to begin with.

Find it on ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10557478

1

The first time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 10 years old and Namjoon promises him that they’ll always be friends.

 It’s a Sunday night, and the two are lying in bed, ready for sleep but not quite there yet. There was no school tomorrow, so a sleepover had been arranged, mostly due to Yoongi’s urging. And in typical child fashion, they had delayed going to sleep until they could barely keep their eyes open.

 “Hey Namjoon.” Yoongi calls out to him, voice soft and rounded off with sleep. And Namjoon’s sleepy too, a long day of playing wearing down on his young body. He hums in question all the same, struggles to open his eyes so he can look at Yoongi next to him. “Will you be my friend even when we’re all grown up?”

 The question surprises Namjoon more than he lets on. His young mind had naturally assumed that it was a given that they would be friends forever. He doesn’t question Yoongi though, and instead provides him with an answer. “I promise we’ll be friends forever Yoongi.”

 2

The second time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 16 and they’ve just kissed for the first time.

 It’s a Friday night, and they’re both drunk, too drunk to think properly. They’re drunk and they’re young and they kiss for the first time. Or, really, it’s Yoongi that kisses Namjoon. They’re too drunk to go home, so they’re sitting in the park, giggling about something stupid. They’re laughing and talking and suddenly Yoongi kisses him. Yoongi kisses him and Namjoon kisses back and five minutes later they stop kissing and Yoongi starts talking.

 “This can’t mean anything Joon-ah, it can’t mean anything-“ And Namjoon may be drunk, but he knows what rejection feels like. “We’re too drunk for it to mean anything.” How is Yoongi so calm? Ah, but he isn’t the one whose heart is breaking. “Joon-ah, listen, listen- Kiss me tomorrow when we wake up. Promise me Joon-ah, Namjoon, Namjoon you gotta promise me.” His words are slurred, and Namjoon is tired, but he focuses on Yoongi all the same.

 “I promise. Tomorrow. I’ll kiss you. But first I think I’m gonna be sick.” And then they’re laughing again, and Namjoon feels high, less from the alcohol and more from Yoongi. They go home not long after (home here is Namjoon’s dorm room), and fall asleep together on Namjoon’s cramped bed, and the next morning Namjoon kisses Yoongi, morning breath and all. They kiss for what feels like hours and Namjoon doesn’t ever want to stop.

 3

The third time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 21 and Namjoon’s leaving.

 It’s a Tuesday afternoon, and the two are at the airport, saying their goodbyes. Namjoon’s leaving for America for the semester to study abroad, and leaving Yoongi behind. Except not really, because he’s only going to be gone for six months, and then he’ll come back. But still, Yoongi’s making a big deal out of it and clinging to Namjoon.

 “Yoongi, I’ll only be gone for six months.” Yoongi isn’t letting go though, arms wrapped around Namjoon’s torso. His face is hidden in Namjoon’s chest, and he’s refusing to let go, and Namjoon can’t help but hold onto him.

 “Joon-ah, I need you to promise me something.” Yoongi lifts his head up so he can look at Namjoon, and his cheeks are a little puffed, and his eyebrows are furrowed together, and he’d look angry if he wasn’t so cute. “Promise me you’ll still love me when you come back.” And, God, Namjoon would promise Yoongi the world if he asked.

 “I promise I’ll still love you when I come back.” Namjoon leans down and gives Yoongi a quick kiss, and he has to let go, but he doesn’t want to. “I’ll be late for my flight if you don’t let me go.”

 “Good, then you won’t have to leave.” He lets go though, leans up and gives Namjoon another kiss before pulling back. “Let me know as soon as you’re settled.” Namjoon nods, kisses him again and then he really does have to leave.

 Namjoon keeps his promise, texts Yoongi as soon as he’s in the dorm. He keeps his other promise too, loves Yoongi even more when he comes back six months later.

 4

The fourth time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 25 and fighting.

 It’s a Thursday night, and Namjoon and Yoongi are fighting. It’s not like the two never fight, but it’s never been this serious. Their fights have always been about meaningless things, always ended with them slowly gravitating back towards one another and apologizing. This time it’s different. This time they’re going at each other’s throats, screaming insults they don’t mean, attacking spots they know are sore. They’re fighting as if they hate each other, when that isn’t true, couldn’t be farther from the truth. They’re fighting as if it will solve anything, as if it will solve everything.

 And in the middle of all this fighting, Namjoon says something he doesn’t mean. Promises something he never wanted to promise. “Oh, I promise you Yoongi, you won’t see me tomorrow!” He yells this as he’s walking out of their apartment, slams the door for good measure, and leaves. He walks for what feels like hours, turns his phone off after Yoongi calls him four times, and ends up at his friend’s apartment. He doesn’t return home the following morning, doesn’t turn his phone on either.

 He doesn’t see Yoongi until Sunday night, when he shows up on his friend’s door, drenched from the rain. And Namjoon wants to argue that his face isn’t wet just from the rain, but he isn’t as brave as to make that assumption. They stand silently for several moments, and Namjoon doesn’t want to cave in first, because it wasn’t his fault, and Yoongi needs to learn to admit to his mistakes.

 “I’m sorry Joon-ah, I’m sorry- I just- You were gone and-“ He’s stumbling over his words and he looks like he’s about to cry and Namjoon just wants to hug him and kiss him and hold him and forgive him.

 “I was working Yoongi…” Yoongi looks guilty now, and Namjoon almost feels sorry. Almost.

 “I know… I overreacted because I miss you. That isn’t an excuse! I just- I know what I did was wrong…  And I’m sorry. So, will you please come home?” And Namjoon can never deny Yoongi anything. So he goes home and they talk and they do better.

 5

The fifth time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 30 and Namjoon just got fired.

 It’s a Monday evening when Namjoon comes home, a box in his hands and the weight of the world on his shoulders. Yoongi’s already home when he comes back, and Namjoon is not looking forward to this conversation. Finding a job is difficult, and it isn’t like they’re sitting on enough money for just Yoongi to support them. Namjoon half expects a fight, but Yoongi has changed and instead they sit down and Yoongi comforts him and assures him that they will be okay.

 “Namjoon, I’m gonna need you to promise me something, okay?” They’ve changed positions, and Namjoon is now lying down with his head in Yoongi’s lap, Yoongi’s fingers tangled in his hair in an attempt to ease his anxiety. “Promise me that we won’t give up just because it gets hard. Promise me that we’ll fight.” And Yoongi doesn’t often ask Namjoon to promise him things, and he looks almost scared, a little worried maybe.

 “I promise you Yoongi, I won’t give up on this just because I got fired. I’ll fight even if it kills me.” Namjoon thinks that Yoongi knows, on some level, that no matter what he asks for, Namjoon would promise him anything. He thinks that maybe that’s why he doesn’t ask Namjoon for many promises, maybe he’s afraid Namjoon won’t be able to keep his promise one day. Namjoon is determined to never let that day come.

 +1

The last time Namjoon promises Yoongi something, they’re 37 and Namjoon has just proposed.

 It’s a Saturday evening, and Namjoon has never been happier. He has been planning this for weeks now, took his time in choosing a simple ring that was worthy of Yoongi, spent even longer saving up for it. Planning the dinner took some work too, but seeing the smile on Yoongi’s face is worth it. He makes a lot of promises to Yoongi as he offers him the ring. He promises to always love him, to keep fighting for him even when it’s tough, to always stay by his side.

 He doesn’t get to keep his promises.

 Three weeks after proposing, on a Wednesday morning, Namjoon and Yoongi arrange a breakfast date. It’s at a little café they used to frequent when they were still young, and it’s out of the way, but Namjoon can’t say no when Yoongi smiles at him. So Namjoon agrees and heads there as soon as he’s done with his night shift. He’s running late though, so he takes a short cut. He takes a short cut and it proves to be the worst decision he’s ever made. He doesn’t feel the truck hit him, not really. He doesn’t feel his body hit the ground, doesn’t hear the screaming around him. All he feels, all he can think of in his last moments is Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.

[abandonthefort]

good news: less pain finally tonight after a long hard day chock full of pain

bad news: deffo deffo hypomanic which is why less pain--it’s not that there’s actually less pain going on, i’m just perceiving less pain (so bad on two fronts: hypomanic and now more likely to do things that will cause more pain because i’m feeling less pain and also I GOTTA DO THINGS I HAVE THE ENERGY) but also good news: pain gone down enough that food/beverage is a thing that’s possible so i should feel less dysautonomia stuff tomorrow so long as i REMEMBER that i need to eat and drink bc i won’t feel sick and like puking if i try to eat or drink; not sure how this is interacting with GI issues bc like i don’t feel hunger hardly ever when hypo (or i’m ravenous but only able to eat 3 bites until half an hour later ravenous but only for two bites and so on)

worse news: my sleep cycle is gonna get EVEN MORE FUCKED which...yeah, that needs to not happen brain pls fix this before we sleep attack all over the place sometime in the next few days (and probs the days that i have stuff to do and need to drive bc it’s always inconvenient like that)

[this-ginger-has-no-soul]

Scars 2.0

(A/N): Give Bucky a boyfriend 2k17 because he's literally so gay

Request: Could you do a fic where Bucky is dating a trans male!reader and reader helps Bucky feel better about his scars by showing him his own scars from top surgery? Bonus points for cuddles and forehead kisses!

Warnings: none! Just cute gay men!

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018, @holland-toms, @superwholockian309

   Bucky sighed as he looked in the mirror at his various scars, particularly the one at his left shoulder, the one connecting him to the offending piece of shit he had to call an arm. 

   Bucky couldn't count the number of times he'd attempted to tip his arm off, clawing at his flesh until he was bleeding profusely, but the arm would never budge. No matter how many times he clawed at his skin or attempted to tear of the plates he simply could not. It wasn't just that scar he hated though, he loathed the scars that littered his chest and back, the scars from years of being brutally beaten and abused. He hated the angry red scars he had on his legs and the small little scars on his hands, most likely from ears of beating people to a bloody pulp. He looked like a monster, Frankenstein's monster to be exact. 

   With a sad little scoff he trailed his metal hand to his flesh one, tentatively locating each and ever scar he had. That one was from a mans tooth, that one from the end of a knife, that one from hitting a wall, that one was from- 

    "Buck?" (Y/N)'s quiet, sleepy voice pokes through the entry to bathroom, soon followed by the rest of him. "What's going on?" Bucky's heart gave a little jump at the sight of his sleepy and adorable boyfriend. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes, leaning against the doorway for support. 

   "Nothin' important doll, sorry to keep you waiting," Bucky looked to his phone and realized just how long (Y/N) had been waiting for him. Half an hour, he had been waiting in bed for him for half an hour while he dissected himself in front of a mirror. 

    "Bucky, don't try to lie to me," he cracked an eye open to glare at Bucky, clearly unamused. "I'm tired and I want you to join me in bed but we're not going to sleep until you tell me what's wrong," Bucky looks at him, almost fondly as he scoffs once again. 

    "You're unbelievable, you're nearly falling asleep as we speak (Y/N), lets just go to bed-" 

    "Not until you tell me what's wrong," (Y/N) contains one of his yawns, holding it in to keep Bucky from commenting on how tired he was. 

    "(Y/N)-"

    "Now." (Y/N)'s tone said there was no room for games, Bucky was telling him what was wrong and he was gonna tell him now. Bucky sighs, folding his arms over his chest like he usually does when he gets self conscious.

    "I just...I hate my scars is all, especially," Bucky lifts his arm up, showcasing the metal plates. "Especially my shoulder one," Bucky falls silent, refolding his arms over his chest as an almost security type thing. He refuses to look up, rather keeping his gaze glued to the tile beneath his toes. 

    "Have you seen my scars?" (Y/N) asks softly, having pushed off from the doorway and made his way to Bucky's side. "The one's from my top surgery?" Bucky shakes his head, biting his lip at the thought of finally seeing some part of (Y/N).

    Truth be told (Y/N) still wasn't entirely confident in his body, even after all the hormones and the surgery so for the most part he shied away from letting anyone see his body, ever, and that included Bucky. They'd been dating for almost a year now and he had yet to see any part of their body that wasn't covered with shirts and jeans, so sue him for getting a bit happy at the thought of finally seeing some of (Y/N). 

   Without another word (Y/N) lifted his shirt from his body, pulling it up over his head only to throw it off to the side. 

    "See, they're not so pretty, huh?" (Y/N)'s scars were thick and choppy, still a bit pink from his surgery. But no, they weren't not pretty, they were a part of (Y/N) and Bucky loved (Y/N), every part of him.

    "They're cute," Bucky whispers, his hand coming up to gently skin across the left scar. "I like them," 

    "I think you're scars are cute too," (Y/N) whispers, his own hand coming up to rest on Bucky's shoulder. "And I think they're gorgeous, every single one of them, even that weird one you have on the top of your foot," Bucky smiles, allowing his hand to glide across to the other scar, his thumb running along it softly. 

    "I dropped a knife once," Bucky states softly causing (Y/N) to laugh loudly. 

   "Oh Bucky," (Y/N) gets up on his tiptoes, pressing a gentle kiss to Bucky's forehead. "I love you," Bucky smiled as he wrapped his arms around (Y/N)'s form, rubbing his scruffy face into his neck. 

    "I love you too (Y/N), god I love you so much," 

    "Now can you come to bed? It’s cold without you," Bucky smiles, nodding against (Y/N)'s neck. 

     "Can you leave your shirt off?" 

    "If you can leave yours off too," (Y/N) smirks as he allows his hands to travel up and play with Bucky's hair, gently stroking the brown strands. Bucky hums softly, his grip around (Y/N)'s waist tightening a bit. 

    "So, naked cuddling?" 

    "Yes, naked cuddling." Bucky smiles, pressing a kiss to (Y/N)'s neck, his scruff scratching at his skin a bit.

    "You can count me in doll face,"

[abandonthefort]

today has been such a not good day

i got stranded at my doctor’s appointment for a couple hours because i had a sleep attack and couldn’t drive (and honestly probs shouldn’t have driven home later anyway)

then just real bad dysautonomia dizziness and brain fog so i could do zero things

and just a bad GI day but right now is especially bad with the cramping and nausea after trying to eat a small bit of peach cobbler since i’ve eaten like .75 of a meal total today and unless my antiemetics kick in ASAP i’m relocating to the bathroom so i can cry while hugging a toilet so there’s less chance of mess (unles like i get so dizzy i can’t do that which is a REAL POSSIBILITY lemme tell you)

just. fuck. how am i supposed to wait a month and a half to do the gastric emptying study and the follow up.

[abandonthefort]

wow seriously fuck you GI tract

i can’t even take in water or broth without you throwing a fit

i...really can’t see this ending in anything but a hospitalization bc i’m also becoming a fall risk bc i’m not getting enough fluids for the dysautonomia

also not being able to intake well, anything, is giving me some a+ hypoglycemia symptoms

maybe i can make it through monday bc i have an endoscopy with my GI and then also an MRI for my ankle and i REALLY don’t want to deal with rescheduling those :/ i mean the endoscopy could be in-hospital bc it’s relevant but probs not the MRI....

[abandonthefort]

3 doctor appointments in one day is Too Much

on the plus: 

got my certificate for medical marijuana!

second therapist has agreed to write the letter for top surgery and a hysto!! 

on the minus:

doc that is the only doc that does medical marijuana within an hour and a half of me is a condescending jerk and is saying that my current diagnoses are 100% wrong and not at all the source of my pain, decided after spending 3 minutes with me and not looking over my chart beforehand

gastro has no fucking idea what’s going on still, isn’t concerned because I’m “not really losing weight” even though I can’t eat solid food and also am barely getting over 1000 calories a day like...THIS IS CONCERNING WTF also this is the PA i’ve seen and i haven’t seen or been able to speak to the doc (will get to see him on monday bc at least the PA thinks i should have an endoscopy); also still thinks this is due to my meds (but at least the Med Of Suspicion is now the fludrocortisone for the dysautonomia and has made a big improvemnt in my life my making it so i’m not having dizzy spells and/or near-syncope events almost daily, so i’m not sure i really want to stop it bc without it the heat is gonna give me Issues)

[abandonthefort]

okay my coconut/peanut/tofu shake is weird

it’s not bad as far as quickly made imitation thai food made in a blender goes

but it’s just weird to be drinking that and not eating it

i feel like i should be eating it (or eating something) but also know that solid food is a no

my meal prep of overnight oatmeal varieties went well tho and i hope they’re liquid enough for my body to tolerate them but the bits i tasted tasted AWESOME so like, that’s cool and i’m excited to eat them (need to figure out caloric content first to see how much i need to eat in a day to get sufficient calories but hopefully they’ll be decent?)

[abandonthefort]

PT today was Bad

i mean yeah i knew eventually we were gonna work on the actual pelvic floor muscles bc they’re jacked the fuck up and are probably the reason i’ve got all that psoas pain in the first place, and that was too painful to be uncomfortable (the first time i’ve been relieved to be in pain tbh)

but then afterwards for a hot sec it was like “oh hey this feels slightly better”

before my body was like NO RELAXATION BAD MUST CRAMP NOW

and then 2/3 of the muscles in my body cramped, hard. and continued to do that for most of the day.  now it’s down to just the usual suspects cramping and being painful which i’m used to but also: please stop

abdominal pain is at needing-narcotics level sooooo like that’s cool and fun, especially considering i have a wedding to attend 3 hours away on saturday that i need to drive myself to and from (and i missed the smaller boater ceremony a few weeks ago for illness and family reasons so i’m not fucking missing this one, I WILL SEE LIANE AND PAT GET MARRIED GODDAMNIT and also since i feel like garbage will probably take photos of the pre-wedding boating instead of boating myself which is :/ but if i do that they’ll be cool photos that they’ll like so i’m not too too upset) and then also a family party to attend back home on sunday; i’m glad i have some still from my hospitalization in december and that i tend to not take them even when i need them after i get a script bc i know there will come a later time i’ll need them and not have them unless i do this aka “why the so-called opioid epidemic sucks and is literally hurting me as a person with chronic pain”

i’m really hoping this is like the trigger point injections where it was HORRIFICALLY PAINFUL for a couple days, then like, very painful for another several days, and then baseline went down to like “unless i search my body for the pain it’s not noticeable (but when i notice/need to take notice for medical appointments it it’s still a solid like 3 of pain it’s just basically at a level that i’m used to it so i don’t notice it)” (also wondering if trigger point injections into the pelvic floor make sense to do...it’s been discussed as an option but i hadn’t been super thrilled with that idea bc 2 of my least favorite things, together? as medical treatment? and also we wanted to try less invasive procedures first, but with this i’m thinking that that might make sense to try bc if PT does this every time i am really not gonna make any progress...i’m gonna bring that up at my followup next month...)

also REALLY not diggin the nausea from all the fucking pain fuck you nausea, i had FINALLY thought i might be getting a bit better from the GI ridiculousness of the past 5 weeks but nope that ain’t happening

(also the GI thing is totally still a thing bc i know if i eat or drink anything more rn i’m gonna puke and/or dry heave for a couple hours, BUT now my body has gone “oh shit we’re...actually starving gotta send those HUNGER SIGNALS” like fuck you you’re not letting me keep a normal amount of food down but now i gotta be miserably hungry in addition to weak and gross feeling? fuck you torture biomachine)