#how many fucking spellings of his name does this dude have

[guyverheritage]

they wanna be him so bad

[unfinishedslurs]

gay bar (steddie)

“Well, well, well,” says a voice from behind. “Steeeeeeve Harrington. I must be dreaming.”

Steve turns around to see a guy, dressed in black and chains. Rings decorating his fingers, studs in his ears, curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. He’s hot, yeah, but something about him has Steve squinting, trying to figure out why he looks so familiar. 

“I know you from somewhere,” he says, pointing out the obvious. The guy knows his name.

The not-a-stranger snorts. “Of course you don’t remember me. Why would the likes of King Steve stoop to—“

As soon as the nickname leaves his mouth, Steve’s brain lights up. “Munson!” He exclaims, snapping his fingers. “You used to climb on the lunch tables to give speeches.”

It was so obnoxious, too. The kind of thing that had him and Robin reminiscing late at night, celebrating some of the weirder shit about Hawkins that didn’t come from monsters, or Russians, or government conspiracy. Remember that one asshole? Yeah, he stepped on my lunch one time!

Condolences to Robin’s pb&j. She never sat at that table again.

Munson’s whole face turns pink. “Seriously? That’s what you remember?”

“It was pretty fucking memorable, dude. Like, gross, doesn’t this guy know not to put his feet where people eat? Dustin thought you were so cool for it too. I had to nip that in the bud before he started imitating you or some shit.”

“Oh,” he says, voice gone flat. “Because God forbid some poor kid try to immolate the freak.”

Steve gives him his bitchiest, most deadpan stare. “Feet,” he says slowly. “Nasty, fifteen year old boy feet. On my kitchen table. He almost slipped and cracked his skull, and I would have sent you the hospital bill.”

He had to get creative to make him stop, too. Stood there, hands on his hips, and made Dustin tell him exactly how many germs he thought were on his shoes. Then when he tried to do it barefoot, decided the only course of action was to stuff Dustin’s abandoned sock in his mouth and ask if he wanted that shit with every meal. Erica still has the photos. 

Munson has the decency to look embarrassed, face flooding an even brighter red that wouldn’t be out of place in a tomato patch. “What are you even doing here, Harrington?”

What does he think Steve’s doing here? It’s a fucking gay bar, it’s pretty self explanatory. “My friend is here somewhere,” he says, waving out at the crowd of people. “She’s going through a dry spell, so…”

“Right,” Munson says. Steve squints at him. Does he look disappointed?

Eh. Doesn’t matter. 

“You gave my kids the best freshman year of their nerdy little lives,” he tells him, because he knows Dustin would want him to. Plus, the guy was Mike’s gay awakening. He should probably get some credit. “So thanks for that.”

He lights up. “Yeah! How was Hellfire in my absence?”

“I had to hear them bitch and moan for months about how it ‘wasn’t the same,’ but it’s doing pretty all right. Erica Sinclair is running it now.”

“Erica Sinclair…” Munson mutters, snapping his fingers. “Lucas Sinclair’s little sister? Lady Applejack?” He beams when Steve nods. “She kicked ass. Best finish to a campaign my entire high school career. How’s Lucas, anyway? And the rest of the runts.”

“He’s doing great,” Steve says. “College basketball at Yale. Pretty sure he’s dying under the workload, but that’s what you get for majoring in physics. Dustin’s at MIT, and Mike’s taking a gap year.”

He whistles lowly. “Yeesh, I don’t blame him. How about Byers?”

“Which one?”

“Zombie boy.” Steve’s hackles raise, but Munson just grins. “God, that nickname was badass.”

“How do you even know about that?”

Munson taps the side of his nose. “A magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, all it took for you to remember me was calling you by your high school nickname.”

“That wasn’t my nickname.” Steve rolls his eyes. “Literally three people ever actually called me that, and you were one of them.”

He has a feeling it was Tommy who started it, bitter and vicious. Told himself Steve was self possessed, high and mighty, above it all. That’s why he left his old friends behind. Not because he was in love, or because he wanted to be better. No, King Steve just sits alone in his castle, looking down on the peasants with contempt. 

Billy must have taken his angry ramblings and run with them. After all, what better way to get a start in a new town than declaring yourself royalty? Never mind that Steve hadn’t cared about anything like that for almost a year by then. 

Munson had just been a drama-loving asshole. 

“That can’t be right.”

“I stopped being popular in junior year. Why the hell would anyone call a sophomore King?” Steve points out. 

“You were Prom King.”

“Again, in junior year. Pickings were slim. Who else would it have been? Tommy?” He has to laugh. 

Luckily, Munson takes the hint and swerves the conversation into new territory. “You know, I always figured you’d be homophobic.”

Steve snorts. “What, and get kicked out for nothing?”

Munson stares at him, and Steve furrows his brow, looking into his glass like it will have the answer to why the hell he said that to this guy he barely knows. He just decided he wasn’t going to spill all his daddy issues to a near-stranger in a dingy bar, dammit. Is he already on his fifth drink?

Actually, this might be his sixth. That tracks. 

“What?”

“My dad caught me kissing a boy,” he says. If he’s going to give Munson his life story, he might as well commit. “Can you believe that boy ruined my life in three different ways? Two of them didn’t even have anything to do with the gay thing.” 

Maybe four ways, if you accounted for the way he broke his goddamn heart, but everyone and their mother saw that coming a mile away. Even Steve. Especially Steve. 

No offense to Jonathan. None of those things were really his fault. Or actually life ruining, but it sure fucking felt like it at the time. 

He should give him a call soon, actually, see how he and Argyle are doing. He misses the guy. Maybe he and Robin should save up for a visit to Cali. Get Nancy on it. They could see San Francisco while they were there, that’d be cool. Apparently it was the queer capital of the country. 

He’s thinking about asking the bartender for a napkin and a pen to write down the plans he’s forming when Munson speaks up again. Steve honestly forgot he was here. 

“I thought you said you were here for a friend.”

What?” Steve blinks, confused, and then catches on. “Yeah, to get her laid. I’m not in the mood right now.”

Munson cocks an eyebrow. “Wearing that? Could’ve fooled me.”

Steve looks down at his Springsteen T-Shirt that Robin cropped, and picks at the frayed hem of his shorts. Okay, yeah, they’re on the skimpy side, but in his defense it’s summer and even if he’s not cruising Steve likes being looked at. “Yeah, yeah. What about you? Here for anything in particular?”

“Just to talk to some pretty boys,” Munson says, leaning on the bar to flag down the bartender. Steve smirks, reaching out a hand to tug at the hanky in his back pocket. Pinned, damn. 

Munson whirls around, a flush starting to crawl onto his ears. 

“Wearing that?” Steve echos snarkily. “Could’ve fooled me.”

He swears that for a minute Munson’s eyes darken. 

He’s almost tempted to follow through, high school reputation be damned, when someone crashes into his side and nearly sends him careening. 

“Steeeeeve,” Robin yells happily into his ear. “This is Bernie, she’s gonna take me home, see you la—oh, hi!” She says, noticing Munson. “I know you from somewhere.”

“Eddie Munson,” Munson greets. “Steve and I went to high school together.”

“Munson! That’s it, you climbed on tables and had shit music. I’m Robin. Okay, I’ll call the apartment and leave a message when we get there. Bernie’s waiting on me, it’s-nice-to-meet-you-bye!” Just like that, she’s gone. 

Munson’s mouth has dropped open. “You told her I had shit music?” He demands. “Wait, you talked about me?”

“She went to school with us, dumbass,” he says, as if he can talk. He still barely remembers her as more than a vague, glowering figure in his peripheral. “It’s not my fault you blasted your screamy music for everyone in the parking lot. Such a fucking headache, God.”

Munson turns his nose up. “Sorry for having offended your jock sensibilities.”

“Oh, I don’t play anymore,” he says, and knocks on his head. “Concussions, yanno. Apparently brain damage will fuck you up. Who knew?”

“What, like the fight you had with Byers? He did you that bad?”

“He did me just fine,” Steve blurts out, before he can stop himself. Munson chokes. “Shit, sorry, I’m kind of a horny drunk.” Weird thing to say, Steve. “Also, I cannot stress enough how much I needed to be punched in the face. It was a monumental moment for me, you know. Started me on the path for changing my entire worldview. Plus, he was my first guy crush.” He swirls his empty glass, lost in thought, before brightening up. “I should call him!”

Munson is staring at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“What?”

“You’re drunk.”

“Well, yeah. Duh.”

“I should probably stop you from booty-calling the guy who punched you in the face.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “It wouldn’t be a booty-call,” he says. “He and Argyle are happy together, man. I’m not gonna ruin that.”

“Oh, so you’d call him because…”

“I call him all the time,” Steve says, confused as to why this is such a big deal. “We’re friends.”

“Jonathan!” He yells happily into the pay phone. Munson is standing to the side, looking on in annoyance. Whatever, it’s not like Steve asked him to do this. “Jonathan, man, how are you?”

“…Steve?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s like…” he hears something clatter in the background, like Jonathan is looking for something, “two in the morning there. You okay?”

“I’m doing great!” He exclaims. “How about you? It’s been ages, man, I miss you.”

“This is so fucking weird,” Munson whispers behind him. Steve ignores him. 

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” he says. “Well, maybe a little. Do you not miss me too?” He pouts, and Jonathan sighs loud enough he hears it over the phone. 

“I just talked to you yesterday.”

Steve frowns. “Yesterday? That can’t be right, it’s been, like, forever. Oh, hey, have you heard from Nance lately? How’s your mom? I love your mom, she’s so fucking cool. Does she know I think she’s cool? How’s Will? It’s been so long, is he taller than me yet? How’s Argyle doing with his degree? I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too, Steve.”

“Awww, Byers, getting soppy on me? Gross, man.”

“You literally just—yeah, okay. Are you alone?”

“Nah, I’ve got this guy with me, he’s walking me home. Oh! Dude, do you remember Munson?”

“Munson?”

“Yeah, Eddie Munson! From high school! The one who used to climb on tables and shit, remember him?”

“Jesus Christ,” Munson groans. “Please let that die.”

“No one is dying,” Steve informs him seriously, and turns back to the phone. Munson sighs. 

“Wasn’t he a drug dealer?”

“Yes! Yeah, drug dealer Munson! Did you ever buy from him?” He turns to where Munson is looking around furtively. “Did Jonathan ever buy from you?”

“How about we not talk about this here,” Munson says through gritted teeth. Steve sighs and turns back to the phone. 

“Never mind, he says he doesn’t want to talk about that. Not like we can judge him, but whatever. Maybe the guy’s turned into a prude—“

“Okay, give me that.” Munson wrestles the phone out of his hand, and Steve whines at him. “Hey, Byers,” Munson says. “Yeah, it’s Eddie. Or Munson. Whatever. Listen, I’m getting kind of sick of standing here watching Harrington slobber all over the receiver, can he call you tomorrow? What? No, I don’t sell anymore—yeah, total bummer, whatever. Listen, I’ll get him home safe—no, I’m not going to serial murder him. He’s gonna be fine, he’ll call you tomorrow—Nancy Wheeler? Like that girl he dated? Didn’t you—shoot me? Jesus, okay! I’m not gonna kill the guy, Christ. He’s gonna be fine, oh my God. He’ll call you tomorrow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Bye.” He slams the phone into its holder with more than a little contempt. 

“Hey!” Steve protests. “You didn’t let me say bye.”

“You can call him tomorrow and apologize,” Munson says. “Now c’mon, Harrington. I’ve been tasked with getting you home safe, and if I fail, apparently Nancy fucking Wheeler is going to shoot me in the balls.”

“Oh, yeah, she’s really hot when she does that,” Steve says fondly, and Munson splutters. 

“What, does Wheeler just go around shooting people? Does she even have a gun?”

“Of course Nancy has a gun.” Steve frowns. It was one of the sure things in the universe at this point. The sky is blue, Hawkins is fucked up, and Nancy Wheeler has a gun. “And she doesn’t shoot people, stupid. Well, she shot at Billy, but he deserved it.”

“Billy?” Munson mutters, starting to usher Steve in the direction of home. “Who the fuck is Billy?”

“He was trying to kill her first!” Steve defends. “I hit him with a car before he could, so she was okay.”

“Okay, yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t you hit some guy with a car? 

“It wasn’t some guy,” Steve says. “It was Billy. He was, like, possessed or some shit. Oh, and he beat me up. Total psycho.  And that was before the melted flesh monster.”

Munson stops and stares at him. “You know what, sure. Demonic possession. Yeah, okay. Some guy named Billy kicked your ass—wait, are you talking about Billy Hargrove?”

Steve lights up. “Yeah! You remember that? That’s one of the concussions I was talking about. I gotta wear glasses 'cuza that shit. Man, fuck that guy.”

“Didn’t he die?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve frowns down at the ground. “Shit, I’m, like, speaking ill of the dead, aren’t I? Max wouldn't like that. Unfuck him, or whatever.”

“You wanna come up?” He asks. “For old times sake?”

Munson stares at him like it’s the craziest thing he’s said all evening. “‘Old times’ was your asshole friends calling me a satan worshiper and pushing me around in hallways, Harrington.”

“I know.” He grins. If he was sober he’d definitely feel worse about that, but as it is he’s pretty single minded. “Don't you kind of want to make me cry about it?”

Deer in headlights isn’t usually a good look, but Munson’s got the eyes to make it work. Or Steve is drunk. Either way, it’s kinda cute. 

“You’re drunk,” he finally says, stumbling over the words a little. If Steve pays close attention and ignores most of reality, it almost sounds like he’s trying to convince both of them. “You’re so incredibly drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.” He totally is. 

“I just had to supervise you calling Jonathan Byers so you didn’t say something you’d regret in the morning.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks, offended. “I love Jonathan! I tell him all the time. Just because I said he ruined my life—“

“That was him?”

“Did I not say that? Huh. Whatever. Point is, I’m not that drunk.”

“You’re definitely drunk,” Munson says. “I’m not—yeah, no. I’m not coming up.”

“Damn.” Steve shrugs, not too put out about it. It’s a bummer, sure, but he handles rejection like a champ. Just ask Robin. “Worth a shot. See you ‘round, Munson.”

“Don’t kill me,” Steve says. 

“Oh, god, did you punch him?”

“No, I, uh.” Steve rubs the bridge of his nose. “I think I tried to fuck him.”

He has to hold the phone away from his face so Dustin’s screeching doesn’t break his eardrums. 

“Your exes are weirdly protective of you,” Munson says blandly. “Also, didn’t they date?”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs, not exactly eager to start spilling his life story again now that he’s sober. Munson doesn’t need to know more about his dating history than he already does. “We’re all a little weird about each other, sorry.”

“Weird about your exes,” he hums. “No wonder you’re single.”

“Oh, fuck you. It’s not like that.”

He raises an eyebrow. “No?”

“Are you always this nosy?” Steve asks, a little waspish. 

“Absolutely,” Munson replies without hesitation. “I’d say sorry, but I’m not. When did you even date him?”

“Dude.”

Munson just cocks an expectant eyebrow, hip resting against the bar. He can’t imagine why someone would be so interested in the romantic lives of their old high school classmates. It’s not like Steve is about to ask what was going on between him and Chrissy Cunningham. 

“Well, Harrington?”

“First grade,” Steve answers, deadpan. He grins when Munson chokes. “Nah, it was actually after he and Nancy broke up. Fall of ‘86.”

Arms squeeze him from behind, and Robin slides into view, leaving one hand wrapped pointedly around Steve’s waist. She gets clingy when she thinks someone is bothering him, or when she’s just on the side of drunk that she gets possessive. She told him, embarrassed and hungover, that it’s because she registers someone he’s getting along with as infringing on “her Steve time.” Steve thinks it’s hilarious and kind of sweet, an obvious lesbian trying to pretend he’s her date. Especially because he gets the same way when he’s tipsy and feels like he doesn’t have enough of her attention, so she can't yell at him for being a cockblock. Cuntblock. Whatever the lesbians call it.

He wonders what category she thinks Eddie is. Of guy, that is. Not block-anything.

He'd actually be pretty damn happy if the guy miraculously changed his mind and decided to sit on his cock instead.

“What’s going on here?” She asks, almost cattily. He loves when Robin gets bitchy. It brings him back to their Scoops days, except he gets to see it turned on someone else. 

“I’m telling Eddie my life story,” Steve says blithely.

“Ugh. Who would want that?”

Eddie grins. “I’m curious about the adventures of a former king.” He dips his head in a bow, waving his hand in a flourish. “I don’t know if you remember me from last time, I’m Eddie—“

“Munson, I know. You stepped on my lunch in junior year.”

Eddie turns beet red in record time. 

“Aww, Robbie,” Steve almost coos. “Leave him alone. I wanted to be the one who made him blush like that.”

“It’s not my fault your boy’s easy.”

“Not my boy, clearly,” he mutters under his breath. “And if he were easy, I’d have gotten fucked by now.”

Eddie’s mouth drops open with a choked little sound. Whoops. Steve forgot volume control again. 

Robin takes one look at Eddie’s face and bursts into cackles. 

“He was asking about,” he waved a hand in the air, “the whole Nancy-Jonathan thing.”

Her eyebrows jut up. “You told him about the threesome?”

“The what?”

Steve sighs. “No, Robin. I did not tell him about the threesome.”

“…oops.”

“When?” Eddie demands. 

Robin gives him the evil eye. “Why are you being weird about this? It’s not gonna make him fuck you.”

Steve wisely keeps his mouth shut. 

Eddie does not. “Your boy here already asked,” he smirks, leaning closer. “I said no.”

Then, as an added punch to his ego, he twirls a strand of Steve’s hair around his finger and tugs slightly. Steve’s too stunned to protest. 

Robin watches the exchange. “Oh, no thank you,” she says. “Nope. I’m out. I don’t want to see whatever this is. Ugh, stop making me hear about your sex life.”

Hypocrite. “We have thin walls, Buckley,” Steve reminds her. He turns to Eddie and stage whispers, “She likes her girls loud.”

“Steve!”

“You do!”

“Oh, because you’re so quiet,” she snaps, smacking him. “How many times have I had to bang on the wall because you couldn’t keep it down? You wanna talk about loud? I know more about you than I ever wanted to.”

His mouth drops open in mortification. “You know it’s rude to be mean to the man who told you how to eat out,” he hisses. 

“I’m not dying without fucking Eddie Munson,” he declares. “I mean, his high school nickname was literally ‘The Freak.’ He’s got to be good in bed, right?”

“I think that was mostly because everyone thought he was communing with the Devil or something.”

“Maybe the Devil gave him sex magic.”

“Of course he thinks I’m cute.”

“I do?”

“Do you not?” Steve turns to him, widening his eyes in the same pout that always has Robin throwing something at his face, or the kids reluctantly agreeing to do what he wants. He’s found it’s useful for guys too, especially if he ducks his head to seem smaller and looks through his eyelashes. Makes them imagine him looking like that on his knees. 

Munson is no exception. He melts faster than Steve can say gotcha. “You’re very cute, Harrington,” he purrs, and Robin snorts into her drink. 

“You’re a weak, weak man, Eddie Munson,” she tells a blushing Eddie. Then she kicks Steve. “Stop bringing out the ‘fuck me’ eyes when I’m around, I’ll gag.”

“You could leave.”

She gasps, affronted, and kicks him harder.

“So you would fuck me if I wasn’t drunk?”

“Uh…” he looks everywhere but Steve’s face, which is just rude. He has a very nice face. He’s been called dreamy before. 

Which made Robin laugh so hard she fell off the couch when he told her, but he’ll take the lesbian’s opinion with a grain of salt. 

He makes his way onto the dance floor. He’s not a particularly good dancer, but he shakes his ass like he means it. Gets up close with a guy, stares at Eddie the whole time. Keeping eye contact as the guy puts his hands on his hips. 

Look, he means to say. This could be you. You could lose your chance if you’re not careful. 

From the burning in Eddie’s eyes, he gets the message. 

The message is a bunch of bullshit. It’s been over four months, he’s in too deep to go fuck off with someone else now. Still, he enjoys the way Eddie’s hands flex on his thighs, like he had to stop himself from reaching out. 

The thing is, Steve’s not an asshole. He can take a hint. No means no, and all that jazz. If Eddie really didn’t want him, he’d fuck right off and find someone who did. He even started to.

Except Eddie pouted up a storm when he flirted with someone else. Got even clingier when Steve tried to back off. At this point, he’s accepted that Eddie does want to fuck him, and maybe even be more (no one flirts with someone as long as they’ve been doing without wanting something like a relationship out of it. At least, he hopes there’s something more on the horizon), but has some weird hang up about Steve being even a little bit buzzed when it happens. Even though they only ever see each other at this fucking bar.

The problem is Steve has no idea when Eddie will be at the bar. He’ll stay sober one night, hoping to see him, and then go home alone only for next time to be when he sees telltale curls and a wide smile. It’s driving him up the wall. 

Robin has been similarly affected.

“It’s been six months,” she growls as Steve looks eagerly around. “Six fucking months of you two dancing around in the worlds most annoying mating ritual. I’m going to kill both of you.”

“We’re not that bad,” he says absently. 

“You don’t even have his phone number. It’s pathetic. I swear to God, if you see him again and don’t get laid I’m reviving the scoops board. I will go out and buy a whiteboard to keep track of all the times you strike out with a man who used to walk on tables. He stepped on my lunch, Steve. Do I need to keep bringing up the fact he stepped on my delicious, nutritious PB&J? I can’t believe that’s the guy you decide to be obsessed with, that’s so fucking embarrassing for you.”

“Embarrassing? You mean like your crush on my ex girlfriend?”

She screeches wordlessly, pulling her keychain off her belt loop and attacking him with it. 

Naturally, that’s how Eddie finds them. 

“I swear you guys get weirder every time I see you.”

Steve grins guilelessly at him, holding a flailing Robin in a headlock. 

“Eddie! Hey! It’s been a minute.” He hasn’t been able to come in a month, and it’s been longer since he’s seen him. It’s honestly one of the deciding factors on whether it’s a passing fancy or a full blown crush. He still went to sleep every night thinking about Eddie. It didn’t even have to be about sex. 

Although maybe not sleeping with anyone else for half a year should have tipped him off sooner. 

“Sure has, big boy. I was starting to think you were getting sick of me.” It’s a joke, but Steve catches an undercurrent of insecurity. 

“That’d make my life easier,” Robin snorts. She finally wiggles her way out of his hold. “I saw Arty somewhere around here, I’m gonna see if I can crash at her place tonight.” She levels Eddie with a look. “He hasn’t had anything to drink. If you don’t put him out of his misery, I will. And it won’t be the good kind. It will be the bad kind. With bad screams. Lots of screaming, and someone will call the pigs, and I’ll be arrested and jailed for life. Do you want me to go to jail, Munson?”

Eddie shakes his head dumbly. 

“Good! Then do something about it.” She slaps Steve’s back, a mocking echo of his jock days. “Go get ‘em, slugger!” 

With that, she’s gone, disappearing into the crowd. 

“She is,” Steve remarks with amusement, “the worst wingman on planet Earth. Mars too, probably.”

“I dunno, I think it might be working.”

“I’m not doing anything without a condom,” he says, eyes narrowed like he’s waiting for an argument. 

“Me neither,” Steve agrees. “Robin has, like, this big fear of diseases. Totally got me with it. She pulled out the library books, those pictures were fucking disgusting. Shit showed up in my dreams, man. Neither of us do anything without protection.”

“I’m going to be totally honest with you, because I haven’t been and it’s starting to eat at me,” Eddie says, hovering above Steve. 

Steve wrinkles his nose. “What is it? Are you a spy or something? Are you Russian? Do you have superpowers? Is your name not actually Eddie?” He pauses. “Oh, God, you’re not even Eddie Munson, are you? I’m just some asshole who’s been calling you by my old classmates name and you were too embarrassed to correct me. Shit, we made so much fun of you for walking on tables too—“

“What?” Eddie covers his mouth, expression hovering between amused and baffled. “What the fuck, why would I go along with that? No, Jesus, I’m Eddie Munson. Moved to Hawkins when I was eleven, took senior year three times, walked on the fucking tables, could you let that go?” He moves the hand covering Steve’s mouth to play with his hair, looking annoyed for a minute before it smoothes to trepidation. “No, I, uh, I just felt like I needed to tell you that I used to have a hate-boner for you in high school. Like, I used to jack it to the thought of kicking your ass and making a mess outta you. In more ways than one.”

Steve stares. 

“Also, that’s kind of why I approached you in the bar in the first place,” Eddie blabbers on. “And then you said you were just there for a friend, and I was disappointed but it’s whatever, yanno? And then then you told me about your dad, and threw my expectations to the fucking wolves, and then you asked me to come up to your apartment except you were drunk and you probably didn’t mean it. But then the next time I saw you, you kept flirting with me, which you were not supposed to do, and I kept pretending that wasn’t the reason I even talked to you in the first place, and, uh, yeah.” He smiles nervously. “Surprise?”

“I mean, not really.”

“You’re such an asshole, fuck off. At least pretend to be shocked.”

“It’s not my fault you stare at my legs all the time,” Steve says, affronted. “I know I didn’t do too good in school, but I’m not dumb enough to miss that. Like, hello, my eyes are up here.”

Eddie lets his arms give out, flopping on top of Steve heavily. Steve wheezes. “Am I really that obvious?” He whines into his shoulder. 

“You got sad and pouty when I even looked at another guy.”

“You could’ve fucked him,” he mumbles. “The guy you were dancing with. It wasn’t any of my business. I’m a big boy, I can deal.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to fuck him,” Steve says. “I wanted to fuck you. Can we go back to that please?”

“Thought I was fucking you.”

“Someone’s getting fucked or Robin will kill both of us. I’d like to live tomorrow morning. And not have to deal with any more of her teasing for having no game.”

“You have unfortunate amounts of game,” Eddie sighs, tracing the side of Steve’s neck. It tickles. “It’s kind of embarrassing for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, are we using those condoms or not, Moodkiller?”

“Oh, I’m the mood killer?”

“Yes,” Steve says matter of factly, and pulls him in for a kiss before he can protest.

[l0stfoster]

Hey its paul anon again (thanks for the name 🫡) sorry ive been bombarding you with questions but I absolutely love this au and i love everyone to bits

So, can you go into more detail about darry and paul . Like, as much info abt them as you can throw at me those two are my boys . Like how did they officially get together , how did Paul go abt moving in and whats that situation like .

Also, when Paul is like kicked out and cut off from the family, does he end up just,, losing everything? I mean like, did his parents even let him get his belongings or did all he have was the clothes on his body and trauma. I would imagine his parents had control over his bank account too so they like shut that down too so he’s out here broke as fuck JHSJSHSJ sorry im just yapping

Anon never apologizes for asking I'm so open to answering them bc I love this au and I adore that so many people like it too. Parry fans are eating good bc the writers love Cursed!Parry just as much. I'll answer your questions ab them before I yap. To be totally honest, those two did not ever really make it official. Doing that requires two things they lack; emotional openness and no internalized homophobia. They both told themselves for the longest time that it wasn't a relationship... even after they started saying "I love you" in Latin and Fae respectively (Paul knows Latin bc spells, Darry knows Fae for obvious reasons), or when each other realized managed to figure out WHAT the other was saying,, or when they started sharing a bed and waking up intertwined,,, or when they started using far too affectionate pet names,,, or when things became far too intimate for it to be casual. They never actually make it official, one day they just slip into calling each other their boyfriends. The most official it ever got was when they flat out went "Oh yeah, we're dating" to the gang. The gang was making bets on that, by the way. Pony said weeks, Soda said a month, Steve said two, Two-Bit said a year. Ace got it right down to the date and time, nobody knows how she did it. They have no anniversary because they have no fucking idea when they really "got together". Paul never truly moved in either, he kinda just went from crashing there whenever his car wasn't an option, to taking up the couch almost every night, to sleeping in Darry's room, and eventually, it was just an unspoken thing that he was officially a member of the household. They have to kick him out for the day whenever the social worker comes to check on things, cause Darry can NOT take the risk of some kind of bad outcome to his mere existence. OK MORE GENERAL PARRY - Being with Paul reminds Darry that he's only 20 and still allowed to be something other than "the adult" sometimes. That brings a whole KIND of happiness that he can't describe. Dude's tail is fucked up due to physical trauma but that bitch wags so fast with Paul. - Darry on the other hand just generally grounds Paul. He's so used to the way of life that was on the west side that everything going on there is overwhelming sometimes. - They're very bad with vocal I love you's in English but they will say that shit ALL the time in different languages or through their actions. - Uh after Paul got jumped and had his letterman jacket stolen, Darry gave him an old denim jacket of his own bc Paul hated having his arms out in the open. - Pony audibly gags every time they're lovey-dovey. He's not homophobic unless you're Paul and Darry. - They'd shotgun cigarettes when they were younger (and the only reason they don't anymore is the account of Darry wanting to keep the fact that he smokes every rare occurrence on the down low) - Darry's purring has healing properties like a cat's purr (all of the brothers' have it actually) so this mf will just drag Paul down to cuddle and purr. - They are.. so down bad for each other. Darry does anything and Paul swoons, and they've def had an interaction that goes something like this: Paul, knowing Darry cant lie: "How do you feel about me right now?" Darry, immediately: "I'd marry you if I could." Paul & Darry:

As for being kicked out, Paul's parents quite literally just. Booted him, barely a warning. One minute he's arguing back for the first time since their keeping up appearances at the police event, and the next he's being dragged by the arm and shoved out of the house with threats of being killed if he dares to show his face back there. Just like that, all of it's pretty much gone; save for the clothes on his back and whatever he'd been carrying-- which was really only his car keys and his wallet. He was sleeping in his car for a bit until Two and Pony vaguely got on his ass because Darry's calls were going to voicemail and he was stupid enough to let it slip that he wasn't living at home anymore. Pony, being Pony, snitched. Can't have shit with that little gremlin around- so after finding his dumbass after having had the equivalent of an aneurism over suddenly being ghosted by Paul, Darry extended the offer for Paul to stay with them. He doesn't mind it being a permanent solution, but Paul is.. less fond for a few reasons; so he tries not to impose much while he looks for work. (He does eventually get something sorted out, so yippie! Helps with the bills what a guy) FORGOT TO ADD. He sneaks home at one point to try and get some of his shit because he knows where the spare key is, but gets cold feet at the door because he genuinely doesn't know if his dad will keep up with that threat.

[gingersnaptaff]

Shwmae pawb! (That's 'hi everyone!' in Welsh. :3)

So, GIANTS. Giants are stock characters in both Arthurian AND Celtic legends. Wales has many giants and almost all of them are absolute BASTARDS. Fun. Also, some are connected to mountains. Also fun!

Anyways, I thought I'd do a quick lil thing about them cuz honest we have so many you can - and somebody probably will - do a book about them.

So, just a quick thing about Welsh. 'Fawr,' which is an appellation means 'the Great. It can also mean big. It's why when people swear in Welsh and say 'Iesu Fawr' what they're saying is, "BIG JESUS!"

Two diddy things:

I enjoy the fact that 'Giant' is doing double duty. Can be bastard, can be nice. Spin the cauldron and see which u get.

Now, I was gonna do your biggies like Arthur, Gwenhwyfar, Cai, Gwalchmai, Uthyr, etc, etc. But, honestly, you probably know that they were, at one point or another, seen to be giants in Welsh mythology. (And Arthur was probably on the Bastard side more than good if you believe Gildas. But he is biased cuz Arthur killed his brother so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

So, a lot of the giants are connected to places like Cader Idris - who is probably the most famous giant lad after Bendigeidfran - or Y Cath Palug who prowled around Môn (modern-day Anglesey.)

I kinda debated on whether or not to cover Ysbaddaden Pencawr but I decided to because he is probably a giant you've all heard of and weaves into the 'giants associated with places' because his fort is supposed to be in their Preseli Hills which are in western Wales, mainly in the Pembrokeshire Coast Path. They also have really pretty bluestone and slate too!

Now, you all know the story in Culhwch and Olwen but I just kinda like the fact that Ysbaddaden means 'Hawthorn,' because it supposedly symbolised love and protection in Celtic mythology which, if u think about it, Ysbaddaden kinda loves Olwen in his own way. (I mean he'll die if she marries but, y'know. Doesn't mean he doesn't love her.)

Next up, IDRIS GAWR.

Yes, he of chair fame. If you go up it then supposedly you'll either come back down mad or a poet. I would seriously pray to become a poet. The walk down would make me mad enough. It's STEEP!

Now, before Arthur killed him and buried him up there, he was a king - who may have been a real-life dude. UNCLEAR! - and it was said that he could sit on the mountain and survey his whole kingdom which is COOL AS FUCK. Apparently, his motley band of giants: Yscydion, Ophrom, and Ysbryn also have mountains named after them in the vicinity of Cader Idris.

Next: Rhitta Gawr.

I distinctly remember him being one of my first brush-ins with Welsh Arthurian legends cuz I read about him on the back of a leaflet about Yr Wyddfa (Snowdon). If I recall, the detail that got me the most was the fact that Arthur supposedly defeated him by tricking him and pretending to eat a large amount of food but secretly depositing it into a sack and when Rhitta Gawr asked Arthur told him that he'd 'cut a hole in his stomach.' Rhitta, trusting this dude, who he LITERALLY WANTED TO FUCKIN KILL EARLIER, chopped a hole in his stomach and promptly died. 👌🏻👏🏻 Da iawn Rhitta. Now, also, I want to say that one of the various spellings of his name, 'Ricca' also pops up in 'Culhwch and Olwen' as Arthur's half-brother, the King of Cornwall. Idk if they are supposed to be the same person or not but, like, Arthur was a giant. It's possible.

Now, onto some little lads.

You'll notice that most of these lads were slain by Gwalchmai. I fear he was That Lad. For the Gawain Girlies, how does it feel to have Wales' best Giant fighter for your character?

(Also, NO LAUGHING AT PYSCOC. IT'S PRONOUNCED PEE-SCOC. Don't say, as my friend did, 'Castell Cock' when you mean Castell Coch. I will murder.)

Now, for the Cath Palug, tumblr with NOT let me add an image (boo!) So, I will write it up for you and then YAP.

'Palug (legendary)

Cath Palug is mentioned in a triad (YTP n. 26) where we are told that sow, Hen Wen (white head), while being followed by the magician Coll ap Collfrewy, brought forth a kitten at Maen Du in Llanfair in Arfon. Coll threw the kitten into the Menai (pls don't. The Swellies, man. THE SWELLIES.) and she was afterwards Cath Palug. Another version, (26 W) adds that the sons of Palug fostered it to their own harm. And that was Cath Palug and it was one of 'The Three Great Oppressions' nurtured therein.

The latter version treats Palug as a personal name but it's been also suggested that it could mean 'Scratching Cat.' (Very apt if u ask me.)

The only other mention of it is in 'Who is the Porter?' in the Black Book of Carmarthen:

'Cai the Fair went to Môn

To destroy hosts [or lions]

His shield was a fragment

Against Cath Palug

Nine score fierce [warriors]

Would fall as her food.'

The poem breaks off at this point but it's assumed Cai was the slayer.'

And then in Arthurian Legend: 'in the Vulgate either Arthur slayed the cat or was slayed by it. The Welsh version, which says Cai was the slayer, was also known to John Fordun who, in his Scotichromincon writes: 'But we have heard old hags tell some such fable - that it so happened that one of Arthur's soldiers - Kayus - had to fight an enormous tom-cat; which, seeing the soldier prepared to fight obstinately, climbed to the top of a great rock, and coming down, after having made its claws wondrous sharp for the fight, it gashed the rock with sundry clefts and winding paths beyond belief. Kayus, however, they say killed the cat.'

It's interesting that in the different versions of the triads the reason how Y Palug got her name is different. I'd argue that, perhaps, the Scratching Cat is the more likely reason for the name, as it has the common root 'pal' which might mean cut, lop, scratch claw, or dig pierce. It also shares the same root as palu (dig) and paladr (spear shaft.)

Also, the fragmentary poem says that Cai's shield is 'mynud' against the cat which can plausibly mean polished or mirrored. So he's a bit like Perseus against Medusa! Also, Cai as a giant is probably the perfect combative against a giant cat considering his powers. Like, I would NOT wish to fuck with Cai or Cath.

Anyways, that it for today! Hope u all enjoyed!! Also, I do absolutely think that Gwalchmai was justified in killing all those giants. He needed enrichment. The Giants probs pissed him or Gwenhwyfar off. I think she probably even helped him with some cuz I would.

Hwyl fawr!

(Also, if u have any suggestions as to what u wanna read about next lmk! Marriage laws will be up this Sunday!).

[my-brain-soup]

I've Never Seen Luka, But Jon Kent Has

Basically I've never watched Luka but I read a fanfic where Jon gets the teen titans to watch it (parallels are drawn between Luca and Alberto and Jon and Damian) so now I will be watching it and writing the thoughts I have during it

No I will not give context and spoiler warning ig

Love the music during the studio logos

We love a superstitious king, I mean, I have a feeling he has a point

IF THEY HIT HIM IMMA BE SO PISSED

Awww, he's such a polite little guy

Luca is a farm boy!!! I love my little Jon Kent varient :)

I, too, would risk my life for shiny object

I, too, do the murder

OMG THEIR SO JON AND DAMIAN BUT LIKE BEING HUMAN IS BEING A VIGILANTE AND ITS THE SAME AS THEIR START BASICALLY I LOVE THEM

HE EVEN HAS THE SUPERMAN CURL

Dami would say he invented walking

And pretend he's not proud of Jon

THEYRE SO CUTESY

Bruno? Or Bruce...o... you get the idea

Sorry, they have Luca grab Alberto like that and expect me not to see them as the most adorable little guy love story? Their so crushing on each other

"You're so lucky your dad lets you do what you want," cue Superman's comment about Bruce getting hit on the head all the time

NO WAY THEIR SENDING HIM TO (basically) BOARDING SCHOOL TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE "bad influence" THAT IS ALBERTO

Yes! Grandma, my queen!

"We can do anything" I love this movie

MY FRIEND SMELLS AMAZING

God I don't know her name yet but I love her

JULIA OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT

We're not telling you our secrets! Tells secrets immediately.

FROM EVERYTHING YOU LOVE?????

I love Alberto so muchhhhhh

I love Mr dad human

Oh they know SOO many fish

No way everyone, including an adult, just saw that bitch rob some kids and didn't do shit

He is a sad little catfish

Why are his parents actually crazy

Aww, Alberto doesn't want to lose his friend

Noooooooo

Luca just wants to learn, and Alberto just wants to feel loved :(

How is the gayest looking dude there being homophobic?

When your new father figue wants to kill your entire species

Alberto got mad when Julia touched Luca's hand...

Why does Luca's hair looks like a croissant

NO LUCA WTF

I WAS ALMOST ON YOUR SIDE

GOD WHAT THE HELL

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT KILL YOUR NEW SON

FUCK.

IM NOT CRYING.

Nooooo

Their fort :(

BESTIE NO

NO ALBERTO MY BABY NO

STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY SO YOU DONT GET HURT. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK

God the organizer adult lady us such a bitch

Why is no one concerned that the scuba kid isn't coming up for air?

Aww, his little clap self tap in

It's totally about to rain

Well shit. Sometimes I hate when I'm right

WAIT WAS THAT ALBERTO

I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE WHEN IM RIGHT

FUCK

NO I TAKE IT BACK AGAIN

I love them so much!!!!

MR DAD HUMAN NO

MR DAD HUMAN YES

YAYYYY

KING

Is the mom the same person that voiced Aunt Cass in big hero 6?

YES LOVE ME THE OLD LADIES

I decided it is a metaphor for older lgbtq people, feeling able to come out after younger generations have proved that times have changed, I love them

(They're sisters, so they're not together, but they can still be gay!)

BRO ITS SO ABOUT BEING GAY I LOVE THIS MOVIE

BRO ALBERTO

THOSE LITTLE LOOKS

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE

JULIA 100% KNOWS

About his crush, not just Luca going to school

AHHHH HES SO SWEET

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, YOU NEED EACH OTHER

Their in love, your honor

THEIR LITTLE HAND HOLDING THING I CANT

IM SO MENTALLY ILL FOR GAY FISH

IM CRYING AGAIN

AHHH, THEY RIGHT EACH OTHER LETTERS

ALBERTO LOOKS SO SMITTEN WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PHONE

ALBERTO GETS HIS KNIFE

DOES HE BECOME A LIFEGAURD???

I love this movie

So much

DAMIAN ALSO HAS A CAT AND JON ALSO HAS A DOG

Also, here is my formal apology, her name is spelled Giulia, my b

Alberto learns to carve wood, awww

Also, does Luca EVER get shoes?

I've decided I need an Alberto to become a tattoo artist future au, at least like on the side or for fun or sm

The dedication is adorable

Yes, I just watched all of the credits. What about it?

I was rewarded with an after credits scene, so fuck you.

I'm gonna watch all the deleted scenes now, I'm not gonna specify which one so have fun guessing

Haha, they called Alberto and Luca the main relationship

BOO STOP TRYING TO GIVE LUCA A CRUSH ON GIULIA

YES ALBERTO CHEER ON THE KRAKEN AGAINST THE HUNTER

YES! CONFORMED LUCA A GIULIA ONLY PLATONIC

Also, she was almost a photographer, like TIM DRAKE?!?!?

Don't worry, Luca, I'll ride in a barrel lit on fire down a hill with you

Awww, they were raised by a lobsterrr

BRING BACK CANNED SEA MONSTER FACTORY

OH SEA MONSTER CAN PASS BUT IF THEIR FOUND OUT THE CONSEQUENCES MIGHT BE REALKY DIRE??? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME.

Oh, Jon is extremely charming

I love how they used different animation styles (in how they had the characters move) on land and in the water

PH THE TRANSFORMATION ISN'T CELEBRATED IN LUCAS FAMILY AND HE MAKES IT A CONSIOUS DEASITION TO CHANGE HIS THINKING FROM I SHOULDNT DO THIS TO I SHOULD EMBRASE THIS? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME

Bro, not the first version where Alberto outs Luca to Giulia, eek

And finally, Ciao Alberto!

Aww, Luca wants to see to Portorosso!

THE GAY OLD LADY SISTERS ARE DEFINITELY CLOSE WITH ALBERTO, AND I LOVE IT FOR ALL OF THEM

He finally has people who care about him!!!

AWW ALBERTO JUST WANTS MR DAD HUMAN TO BE PROUD OF HIM

Alberto, you do NOT got this

DONT LIGHT THE BOAT ON FIRE

OH SHIT

Noooo!!! Don't leave!!!

YOU'RE NOT HIS EMPLOYEE, YOU'RE HIS SON

HE CALLED HIM DAD!!!

YAY HUGS

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

MY HEART

I CANT

I love Alberto being an artist (a bad one, for now, but still and artist)

Okay, that's it, Ciao :)

[zeroducks-2]

Zero, I need to rant about DC's mistreatment of my son.

Why can't Tim craft his own identity outside of Robin and Batman? Every other member in the Batfamily (not Damian just yet but idk if DC wants to do that considering all their writers are pushing for him to be either Ra's Heir or Batman's heir) who has been Robin is has distanced their new heroic identity away from their time as Robin.

For whatever reasons, the writers seem to be allergic to Tim growing as a character and stepping away from his identity of Robin. They couldn't even give him an original NAME. WTF IS RED ROBIN?? I'm so pressed about it because a alias is so important and unique to the hero and mostly tied to the core of their character, origin, or development.

Bruce chose Batman because he feared bats, and he wanted to be the fear that scared straight the criminals of Gotham.

Dick chose Robin because it was a way to carry on his parent's memory and legacy, and Nightwing was chosen due to Superman (Someone who Dick looks up to) telling Dick about the Kryptonian myth of Nightwing and Flamebird.

Clark got his superman alias from his father, one of the only parting gifts he has from him.

So Timmy, my dude, wtf is Red Robin about? I feel like it's such a cop out to him as a character. Like, we get why Robin was so important to him due to him being a freaky little lonely fanboy. But during his Robin run, he grew so so so much. Why would the DC Writers not let his growth show? Why also reduce and retie his identity to Robin?

Tim is known to be a great detective, it's one of his shining marks as a Batman protegee. Ra's al Ghul even states that Tim is a better detective than The Batman himself. Hell, when Tim was 14 he discovered that Dick was Nightwing and Robin, because his freaky loner obsession and past trauma of witnessing the flying Grayson's murder made him connect the dots when Dick was flipping and doing acrobatic feats that no one but an extremely skilled and gifted acrobat could do (Tricks that have only been successfully done by a fucking FLYING GRAYSON - note how silly and girlie pop Dick was for that one).

Like, fr DC, why not tie Tim's new identity with his amazing detective skills?

Honestly, I think DC could have taken some inspiration from an Edgar Allan Poe character and given Tim a detective-associated. Because, Poe's character C. Auguste Dupin, is literally the first ever detective we see in fiction and the backbone of how so many other detective character's created.

Like a name that inspired from the first ever detective himself would be so damn cool. And it would tie into Tim's origin as I'm pretty sure Tim is the first person who actually discovered Dick and Bruce's identities with just his raw and untrained detective skills. So a name like New August would be so damn cool.

Or hell, if DC didn't want to be even that level of creativity into his name and stick with the bird theme (because we all remember the Drake incident so well). Nightingale would be a cool (given not so original) name unless they wanted to spell it like Knightingale. They're one of the few birds who hunt at night, and it could also be a call back to the nurse Florence Nightingale who was a badass and known for the Nightingale theory of nursing:

"A nurse must use her brain, heart and hands to create healing environments"

AS IF that could translate into the hero world. Mister-Dropped-Out-Of-Med-School-Bruce-Wayne is foaming at the mouth.

To conclude, fuck DC and fuck them for doing my TimTam dirty. Let him be his own man :/

I don't agree with all of this but Tim does deserve better that's true. He's sort of stuck in limbo and his growth should have happened a long time ago tbh.

He could have been Flamebird like Dick is Nightwing to name one. Dick has always been his inspiration. Maybe Red Robin for a time (since back then he and Dick had grown apart), and then Flamebird after they reconciled.

It's sad because some of the main things with Tim are that love for him is conditional because of his shitty parents, and that he has a hard time crafting his own identity, and DC doesn't let him grow out of any of this and keeps using him as a chew toy. It's sad.

(and no being queer isn't character development)

[mechanicalinertia]

STMPD Reviews Black Lagoon Fanfiction: BigCountry75's Redneck of Roanapur

This one was recommended to me by a dude on the Black Lagoon subreddit, and I clicked on it somewhat reluctantly. It started well enough, I flipped through a few later chapters and it was pretty cool, but it's 288K words, folks. Moby fucking Dick is 209K words. And while it's true that many, many fics are longer than Moby Dick, or indeed most officially published works, there was just something about it. I was reluctant to read an OC-centric Black Lagoon fic, though, because new-guy-comes-into-town-and-fucks-shit-up rarely works in BGC fanfic, so why should it work in this case?

I needn't have worried. Redneck of Roanapur is well-written, fairly competently characterized, and like Bullets, my previous review, relentlessly fun. Reading it over the past two weeks on-and-off has been a fairly good experience, and, too, an exercise in how (in my eyes) to make a fic defined by one Cool Original Character really work.

In that light, if I want to talk about RoR, I have to talk about its main character, a dude from the boonies of Michigan known as Country. No, really, that's the name he gets, nothing else. And, well... okay, the one thing that might sink this fic for you is that when it's told from his first-person perspective, his, uh, accent is written down in the prose. This can be annoying at times, but in all honesty it isn't as annoying as you'd think it would be, because as far as quasi-authorial inserts go, he still describes things clearly enough to make everything work. His spelling's intentionally off, but his grammar isn't. Ergo, I can read it without being annoyed.

So: Country is an ex far-right militiaman who ditched his former comrades in True Patriotism, and in his effort to leave the country stole a goddamn WW2 B-24 and hightailed it blindly to Roanapur. Yeah. That's it. That's his backstory. He gets his hands on another WW2-era fighter plane later, too.

Okay, so compare that to other various OC-centric Lagoon fics which will not be named, ones starring ex-CIA operatives and elite soldiers with more conventionally troubled pasts and their skills mostly centering around the shooting of guns. They're cool in the loosest sense, but I find most of them incredibly boring, and the fic has to work harder to get around that more often than not. (Success is possible, but I've only seen like one guy pull it off.) Country is more interesting to me because a) his backstory is more out-there but still plausible, it's a backstory you don't see every day, and b) he has a unique set of skills that other characters in Lagoon don't have to the same extent.

I mean, think about it. Those two elements are what make an interesting Black Lagoon character in the actual franchise. Roberta with her FARC training and maid getup; Balalaika's Soviet paratrooper glory days and how far she's fallen; Ginji the yakuza who can literally deflect bullets. There's something that makes all these characters more than just ex-spooks or mercs with training. Some eccentricity. Some wackiness. Some small amount of historical grounding. Country has that, even if his backstory isn't super important. Country has his WW2-era planes, which are fun as hell to watch him and Lagoon Company use. So, he fits right in.

Anyway, Country lands in Roanapur, gets hooked up to the Lagoon Company to use the B-24 as a courier aircraft, and pretty quickly things get weird. See, not only does Country piss off the head of a non-canon crime syndicate pretty quickly in a bar fight, but said syndicate head is tied to a nameless Doctor and his equally nameless Benefactor, who are searching for guinea pigs to do immortality / resurrection experiments on. The Doctor resurrects Hansel and Gretel successfully, they escape, they wind up at the airfield Lagoon Company now occupies. So they're hanging out, raised by the team to not be total murderous monsters, and eventually they attract the attention of the Doctor and his Benefactor, who turns out to be a powerful American politician with ties to Extra Order, the Not-Executive-Outcomes PMC from the first arc of Lagoon. Pretty soon, Lagoon Company and their patrons are duking it out with that one non-canon syndicate and EO in short order, culminating in an epic battle for the fate of the city, all of which is just incredibly fun to read in its sheer paramilitaristic ultraviolence.

Anyway the fic swings between that violence and a lot of surprisingly cutesy shipping. Country falls in love with Sawyer, for one, and that doesn't feel weird, doesn't feel self-insert-y, it makes sense for how the characters are being written in that context... Rock and Revy finally get together... Shenhua and Lotton get together, which I'm kinda iffy on but what the heck... Chang and Balalaika hook up in secret... Even Eda and Dutch pair up as secret agents! So everything is very slice-of-life-y when military planning and blowing things up isn't the order of the day. Oh, and Leigharch comes back towards the end, which is great because I always liked him. In fact, I think that's the main flaw in the fic: the ending feels way too cute and tidy for something like Black Lagoon, a franchise where endings, I feel, need to be ambiguous at best and depressing as hell at worst. It undermines the fun one has reading Country and the Lagoon Company operate a bomber to blow the everloving shit out of a PMC submarine base, or drug fields, or mansions, or whatever. It's an ending that feels at once natural for the fic, but not as earned as it could be.

But beyond that, Redneck of Roanapur is a simple, long, but super-fun thrill ride. If you're looking for something silly to read over the long summer months, flip through this and enjoy yourself.

[beerecordings]

Hello Bee!! Question, what is the fic or Au you are currently working on the most? I miss your writing dude

recently I was writing a snippet of Favored Puppet au, do you want to see? I also wrote a little Graceling AU and part of an MBC short fic from Quin's perspective.

if you do want to know, I have been busy lately as I work on applications for grad school, and dealing with understaffing at work. but also I am just a little lacking in inspiration lately! what would you most like to see more of?

anyway, here's some Favored Puppet, post Chase shooting Jackie:

.

He was a kid in the Midwest. Grew up in a town smaller even then this, 3000 people, outnumbered by cows. It would have been okay, he thinks, if not for his parents. Yeah. He liked the summers with the lightning bugs in the bushes outside his window, liked the little Boy Scout troop in the basement of the church where he carved soap and felt so proud in his sharp outfit. He had some good teachers who told him how smart he was when he worked at it, played some soccer when the school had the scholarship available, vandalized the shed out behind the post office with the help of the same girl who took his virginity. Katie, that was her name, or maybe she spelled it differently. Her mom made them lasagna before the school dance they went to, and he could still taste marinara when he kissed her, but it made him dizzy anyway.

Yeah, it wasn't all bad. He fled as soon as he fucking could, that's for damn sure, but that wasn't because of Nebraska. He didn't mind it.

He minds being here now, though.

“Chase,” says Anti, from the doorway. He doesn't know when his monster came to check on him, but it doesn't matter. “Come inside.”

“Are we in Nebraska?” he asks. “Or just the Midwest?”

“Why do you need to know?” Anti replies coldly.

Chase turns to look at him. He's standing inside, mirroring his appearance down to the raggedy coat Chase is wearing, his bare feet set on the scratchy brown doormat.

Anti's not going to tell him shit. He never used to tell him anything in California either, and now... things have only gotten worse. And there had been so many months there where things between them were so good.

“Fuck,” Chase whispers to himself.

No, he's not the Chase Brody who grew up in Nebraska anymore, not the Chase Brody who married Stacy, not the Chase Brody who launched a Youtube channel, loved skateboarding, or tried to kill himself twice in his apartment in Ireland. He's not Chase Brody at all anymore, he doesn't think. Sure as fuck aren't any documents left saying so. You'd have to get his dental records to prove it. He's just Chase, or maybe – what does Anti call him in front of the other fae? – Conchobhar, of course.

He's the Chase that belongs to a monster and the Chase that is a monster. He's the Chase who killed somebody trying to help him. Not his cousin, because he's not the Chase who was cousins with Jackie, but somebody who didn't mean him any harm, at least.

“Chase,” Anti repeats, sharper. “You're freezing.”

“We shouldn't be here,” he says. “We should keep moving.”

“It's safe here. It made sure.”

Chase used to correct him when he called himself it.

“I don't like it,” he says instead. “I don't want to be here. We should leave the whole country.”

“Come inside before it makes you come inside,” Anti says.

He's the Chase who can't stand up to the Snake Fang Fae, and isn't sure he wants to. He tilts his head back and drains the rest of his Wild Turkey in one breath, and then he follows his monster inside.

.

“You're pregnant?”

He remembers the exact track the first tear took down her face, a creek across the curve of her cheek and chin and throat. She swallowed hard and tried to smile, without much success, holding the test in her hands.

“Wow,” he'd said, leaning back against the counter of his dorm kitchen. “We... we were careful, I thought, I – I'm sorry – ”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” she'd whispered to him. “I'm sorry.”

“Why are you – I'm sorry, I'm – ”

“No, I'm sorry, I don't know, I just – ”

They both ran out of words. Another pair of tears fell out of her eyes with a glitter, and she tucked the pregnancy test close to her stomach like she was trying to hide it from him. Matt knocked on the door and Chase jumped, hurrying to shout that he'd be down in a few minutes, sure, they could go up to the girl's dorm to see his girlfriend, yeah, Stacy would probably be up there too.

But she was there in front of him, more real than anything, more real than she had been before, he was pretty sure. Certainly she wasn't so solid, so made of flesh, just yesterday, before he knew she had a baby the size of his fingernail buried somewhere inside the walls of her body. Hadn't he touched her just last week, run his hands all over her, joined their bodies into one moving part? Still, he had never noticed that she was only a figment of his imagination at the time, and only then was she standing in front of him as a fully-formed person he needed to take care of.

“Can you at least tell me what you're thinking?” she'd asked, and he hadn't known how to tell her he was just thinking of how very pretty she was with so much color rising in her pale face.

“I'm just... I... I need to know what you're thinking first, I think,” he said, pulling his bangs back from his face with a long breath. “We're just twenty.”

She'd said something he can't completely recall, something so practical and careful he knew none of it was true. He saw it in her face long before she admitted it, saw it in the way her hands curled around her stomach: she would keep the baby. He never objected. It helped that when he whispered to her that he thought he would be a shit dad, she frowned at him in a disconcerted way, as though the same thought had never once occurred to her, and she turned onto her side to share her heat with him and let him put his hands on her belly. Beneath his fingers, his little son.

Chase lies awake, staring at the ceiling. He can tell Anti is pretending to sleep from the slow, deep breaths beside him, but Anti never falls asleep before he does. Never. He's not human enough to need it.

“Hunter, Hunter, Hunter,” Chase mouths to himself, silent in the darkness of the house, and nothing answers him. There was a perfect baby who smiled at him with his teeth coming in through the hot gums on the bottom of his mouth, and then there wasn't. There was a warm little person who fell asleep in his arms and pressed his tiny chin into his shoulder, and then there was a stiff cold corpse. Plastic, that's what Chase thought when he first touched it. Somebody took my baby and replaced it with fleshy plastic. Unyielding as a doll. There was a baby who called him Papa and then there wasn't.

Anti didn't kill Hunter, but sometimes, Chase wishes he had. Then he would never have reached this point. He would never have forgotten, even for a moment, that Anti was a monster. He would never have let himself become one too.

Then again, not being a monster wouldn't have made him a person again. The father died with the baby. The man died with the woman. He did not exist, before Anti, as anything other than his own despair.

Anti turns into him on the bed, setting his head against Chase's back. He has no heat of his own. His fingers dig into Chase's stomach.

[the-official-account]

Three of Hearts episode 17 live blog

(this bitch has spoilers)

On sabbatical from my impromptu career in marketing, and also (sigh) life, here's another liveblog! The first one on tumblr, the platform where I am somehow even more unapologetically long winded

@threeheartscast

OOOH another flashback I love these. Getting to know spar before clovenheart is <3. Of course it's malicious compliance that's the best type of compliance.

Ooooh I gotta love a seedy literal underbelly. I'm excited to listen to that quiet year series omg.

Okayyyyy I see that moody lighting we've got going one 👀👀👀

ALL THREE AT ONCE IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY SKILLED

Invite only altered people club is so rad.

Scales and tails notes for future me writing a very particular sort of fanfic

Note to find out how to spell yaccab's name right for that fanfic LMAO

GOD I love spar. The puring for the table, the going out to have fun and going it by acting like a host. He's such a people person in a way that's like....Shepardly? OH like a herding dog! Not so much that he's forceful but so much that when he's got you marked as a friend he's gonna make sure you're ok make sure you're okay make your you're okay, your good? OKAY GREAT!!!!! :D

And it's so lovely and wholesome and warm and I'm glad it's a dude filling that sort of role. As much as I love my sexy hostess with the mostest trope, accommodating individuals come in many flavors and genders!

OMG YACCAB IS SO NICE IM SO GLAD SPAR HAS A FRIEND LIKE THAT

Okay writer brain is telling me that while I don't think vellum is TOO straight laced to go here...... hmmm these notes will NOTE be posted yet

(I would've listened to more of the episode by now and maybe gotten to 18 if my brain didn't go on a HARD left turn after that. Know that the live in liveblog means "with many, MANY pauses")

Spar is like "hmm. I moved away from my tribe of people like me. Unacceptable. I'm gonna adopt everyone in this shady ass establishment" and yk what I respect that. Queer life goals.

Let a man get drunk without interruption, oh my god!

I realized "Yaccab" might be "Jacob" and I am... a perfectly intelligent English speaking person! But monolingual.

I don't like this dude for ruining the party. He's probably fine but. Still.

The dynamic I'm imagining between Spar and Jacob is like...Not friends with benefits, but not NOT friends with benefits. Sex-positive, queer, and close enough to where they're super physically comfortable (he was literally on his lap lmao) and they may have kept eachother company once or twice! But like. I'm thinking of that dynamic that is sort of "our relationship is neither platonic nor romantic not queer platonic but between all of those things, and I want you to find somebody but I consider it my responsibility to decide if they're good with you" type beat. Yes these posts are very often me taking notes for myself later. Ah to be free of the twitter character limit.

"....that's fucked up." THE WAY I HOLLERED. Yacob (final awnser) is so confused and spar is so drunk lmao.

OH WAIT IS YACOB AN EX? idk I mean previous statements still mostly count.

I'm too aro for this shit— I don't care how much characters kiss I deadass forget traditional romantic situations are like. Possible.

Why does spar keep giving YACOB responsibility 😂😂😂😂 narrative brain is saying "Setting up to spar trusting vellum with Anya or sorrel n them/paralleling when he sort of did fighting jasper" the part of my brain that wants to put my blorbos in my mouth and chew on them like the word "intellectual" was never invented is going HAHA. SHEEPDOG!

Ah yes the classic Italian stereotype: possessing fancy hats

Jordan introducing the folks in this room as "two women and a man" is THE most gendered sentence that I think exists in this podcast and that is VERY funny to me

*fanning myself* There is something SO admirable about a man with convicti— HES GOING FOR THE DOOR LMAOOOO

"I know what I wanted to know now" my deeply embedded distrust of gms (as a runner-of-games who also loves to get up to nonsense at the first opportunity)has alarm bells going off a bit

OMG VELLUM IS HERE NOW HI HI HI!!!!!

OH MY GOD I love little cute scenes where characters met before they like met, if one or both parties forgets it I call them "meet moots" because they meet and nothing happens JFKSVSLDVSKDVKZ

I mean yeah timbleton has gotta pursue hell lose his job and probably get arrested.

I was about to be like "vellum fuck your bosses stop staying late RISE RISE RISE!!!" and then I remember vellum kinda owns the place dushdgoddb SO DO SOME SELF CARE AND SLEEP, DUMMY.

"yeah I'm fine are spars first words to vellum" oh ouch but cute

NO AGENTS HERE DKSVSODVSOSVSO OH MY GODDD this. This is. This is very cute. NOT SPAR INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS GAMBLER. vellum sounds. Confused but endeared (BECAUSE WHO WOULDNT BE) but ENDEARED!!!!

Vellum is so cool. WOULD IT BOTHER YOU IF I STAYED WITH YOU. AWH.

Bestie if he pushes the key under the door anybody who comes past can open the door.

Spar said "idgaf I can fuck I fucker up, do it all the time, try me"

VELLUM WAITING WITH HIS SWORDCANE AFTER GAMBLER HAS PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR IS SSUUUUUUCHHHH A GOOD MENTAL IMAGE

OH THEM FLANKING THE DOOR WITH TWO SWORDS IS GO GOOD ALSO

BUT THUNBLETON MY MAN WHAT THE FUCK

YACOB IS HERE!!!! OMG FRIEND! Oh my god I love him.

OOOOOH AND VELLUM IS HERE TOO TIMBLEICBDMD IS SOOOO FUCKED.

POV: you're thinininininnton and vellum is pointing his rapier (I imagine that when he presses the button to unsheathe it an intricate collapsible golden guard springs out) at you're throat is something I wanna draw SO bad that is SOOOO cool and sexy and rand but wayyyy out of my ability right now. It will live forever in my brain (also my list for 3o♥️s stuff to draw is sooo long )

(also I shouldve guessed those people were shady they had one-word genders)

Yacob saw spar running and was like "guess this is my life now!" What a real one.

HE PULLS OUT A FLASH. KIIIIIING SHIT. Spar kisses him...but...but are they.....whatever dlegdkvdskdvd

Also I feel like grey for sure has that eye. Or diamond had the eye and grey has the gem now.

Efficiency-opsec brain getting really excited about the idea of vellum adjusting security protocols....I fucking love protocols.

Oh Vellum honey maybe don't go interrogating the single most secretive person with the most open desire to kill you.

"do you need somebody to take you there?" 🐑🐕

OH SHIT CATS. I miss destiny

I feel like Arabella is for sure in that lighthouse

YOU TURN TO LOOK AT THE WIGHTHOUSE AND YOU SEE THE PRESIDENT JXOSGSODHSODHDIDH

OH. AWH. VELLUM GETTING FLUSTERED WHEN HE'S APPRECIATED THATS CUTE BUT HE DESERVES ALL THE APPRECIATION AND TO BE USED TO THIS!!!! BUT ITS STILL CUTE!!!

BFKSGSKDVS VELLUM GIVING THIS TEEN AN EVEN SAFETY LESSON ♥️♥️♥️

Look like I Respect Meraphina's biomancy, and I respect her ability to use it for healing while also being very skeptical about the role of magic but like .... I disagree with the "don't bring magic back" thinking. If YOU have access to it it's clearly still there. Better for the world to recon with it as a whole then to have it available to some mysterious small number of folks only. Idk. Maybe my opinion on that will change but :\

OH. OH MERAPHINA LIKES HIM NOW? ....COOL!

They're still in cloven heart...hmm. in the lighthouse? This is probably related to preparing something big for bridge since they were all jacks.

"you dont just give things freely" somewhere in town Brunhilde has started frowning

OH. OH THATS A DAMN GOOD JOKER PLAY. WOW. WOW!!!! THOUGHTS. IMPLICATIONS. WOW! Now she can't kill him lmao

Anti-thaumatera is wearing Mayor Thorne as a glove puppet

"everyone in cloven heart at the time the spell was cast" diamond? Didn't diamond arrive soon after?

LOL ok so she'll still kill him

Midtro dance midtro dance

[ID: several repeats of the same very low quality image of a strange silhouette, humanoid but with a head that is too long from nose to ear, feet planted apart, arms out, and butt back, almost as if halfway through a squat. It is black on a white background. End ID]

Ooh Arabella can't do magic. Good to know.

"diamond took care of that" ALSO good to know

Okay but like...jasper...I can see where they're coming from

"he is posted up scanning the river and trees for potential assailants" the sheepdog joke will stop being funny when it stops being relevant and that is no time soon.

DESTINY WITH BRUNHILDE, THE TWO CUTEST CHARACTERS TOGETHER MY HEEEART

"that is definitely where I would be sneezing" 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

"they are both committed to this...to this Investigation"

OKAY BUT TATI AND ANYA COULD BE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE. I'm glad I'm not the only one that hears this. Tatianya....though I prefer Anyati

I didn't know tati was altered!

Edit: yes I did, what? Just forgot

...hmmm stowaways.....Arabella would probably be a much stronger presence probably. Xoechi and Joaquin maybe????

VELLUM NOT THINKING ABOUT THEM BEING ALONE BUT I FOR SURE WAY

JOSEPHA DID FUCKING NOT.

BEZTIE LIKE FUCK OFF

If you're trying to get money from the Harrington's for a good reason you could consider just ASKING

ABNFOEVDMD OHHHHH IT WAS TATI.

Girl I love you so much but you are like one week from the world's best full time jobs with the world's most eccentric investor like you'll be fine.

VELLUM'S FLIRTING LMAO

to protect him...

IT WAS GREY!!!! I FUCKING KNEW IT.

Still bestie it is NOT hard to guilt your niece into going to a blood drive you're setting up and like yoinking that shit. The drama! Unnecessary!!

Unless she's doing something super secretive and vellum might suspect that the blood being related to grey at all makes his behavior weird........HMMMM. HMMMM!!!!

I just KNEW tati was about to make that joke

Maybe grey is being Ransomed by a third party who wants vellums blood for some reason and she can't ask him for it because she knows the third parties goals go against vellum's morals and that the only way for them to be happy together after the third party does whatever thing with vellums blood he disagrees with is for her to pay for other people to get the blood so vellum assumes they were involved at all?

Like protection and ransom feel like good grey motivations to be but idk

BLOOD MAGIC?

okay okay maybe not.

Yeah because if grey was REALLY their employer it means that she doesn't have working for him as an out anymore really ...

Spar it might buy you time but it might also put you in danger. And there are possibly worse forces looking for the blood of altered people for expiriments!!!!! Though....well supplying it to them isn't actually doing any harm it's it's conventual since their goal isn't harmful? Well arabellas isn't but....UGH!

This blood drawing scene feels...intimate?

I was right!!!! Just some teens having fun going on an adventure.

BDJSGSJDGDKDBim imagining spar doing full manly-frown lean-on-the-banister stern older brother, vellum starting to smile when he sees the teens (because they're NOT Arabella!) Looking at spar and then going ahem yes. Serious. I am serious now.

Okay yeah but your mom's said no because diamond is a person of interest in a fucking KIDNAPPING

Ah yes the feeling vellum will feel upon spars death is surely "disappointment"

I really hope there's some really crucial information in the couples party djdgskdbd.

THE EYE?????????????? OH DAMN.

That was a really good one. No conclusions I am very tired now. Lots of love goodnight

[sucuretcannelle]

Game au shit

How Nash would introduce the characters in the selection menu

Aibreanne: "Daddy's girl" "She's hot, literally" "I wish I was a fireman" "Bambi"

Char: "Mini Jason" "Guns N' Roses" "Pico"

Jason: "Jason Voorhees" "Helloooo nurse!"

Kam: "Siran's dog" "Morticia"

Siran: "He makes me wanna eat an apple a day" "Stingy ass doctor"

Kazye: "Why him?" "Sergeant sleep" "Danny Phantom"

Joule: "Love this girl!" "Albert Einstein" "Do sexy scientist costumes exist? Just wondering"

Nash: "Oh shit it's me" " "He's single!" "Sexiest dude to roam Hell"

Aquinas: "Pac-Man" "One greedy motherfucker"

Raivath: "Do NOT piss this guy off" "Too many hands" "Little ladybug"

Azrael: "Outta sight, outta mind" "More angelic than most angels"

Orion: "Look what you've done" "What a lame weapon" "Ain't killin people with a toothpick"

Atlas: "I'm a motherfuckin starboy" "Grumpy pants" "Do not be afraid"

Duke: "Nice hat!" "He skipped horseback riding for this?" "Johnny Bravo"

Laura: "Cowgirl...yeah, both meanings there"

Adrienne: "That dude on the Monopoly box" "Chloe Bourgeois" "Veruca"

Salem: "According to my calculations, he'll lose this fight"

Aquinas: "Ursula" "What a snake"

Sanitive: "What's she gonna do? Chew some clothes off?" "Discord" "Shorty"

Alexi: "Bird boy" "Goddamn he makes me feel like an idiot" "Bre's plaything" "He's gotta be AI-generated"

Theros: "Sol? No..." "Why does Bre like this guy?" "What can he spell?

Vortex: "Raivath? NO? FUCK." "Do you have to sign a waiver before this fight?" "This fight's gonna start and we're gonna hear 50 bones crack"

Pippin: "I just know he's gonna do some dumb shit" "He's just as crazy as his dad"

Prompt: "What a weirdo" "Cavern Dweller"

*The rest probably just have their name tbh

[gloomwalking]

went to pub for after work yesterday and managed to pay for one whole round (well there were only three of us left by then) this time ! but did get bought two others lol . nick 2 and some project managers i work under which was weird and a couple people i’d not really spoken to . good fun and one of my project managers gave me lots of niknaks and twiglets :•) stayed ages talked a lot about drugs (everyone at work does so many drugs jesus christ and they’re all around 30 like why and how are you still doing this . but they’re very nice) and everyone kind of left except me and nick and this guy who has the same name as my cousin but spells his surname differently to ours . then we were having very open discussions about sex and vasectomies and such lol . anyway at some point was talking about how my cousin has the same name as this dude and he was like that’s crazy we used to have [my cousins name spelling] working here was it him . and i was like no lol obviously not. and then i was like wait i’ll double check the name spelling in case he spells his first name differently to you and got his facebook up and he was like no that’s literally him . and i was like haha yeah funny. and he was like no for real that’s him look we’re facebook friends . and then messaged my cousin a photo of me . and it turns out my cousin only got the interview bc his mum is good friends w the deputy ceo . and i didn’t get any nepotism ?? unfair . but like fucking hell small world . anyway then we went back to nicks and they did a shitton of md and i just watched them lol and provided terrible banter and had a silly time and chatted shit about lots of things . then we smoked a joint and it was like 3am by this point and i was not on md and so very sleepy so nick got me an uber home bc i don’t have the app and he’s an angel . but omg i’m so glad my hmo days are behind me i can’t imagine living like that til age 28 or whatever .

[anthropwashere]

THIS but fucking. MBTI. When I was still in the Air Force my... hell, I don't remember his position name. I'm so happy to realize I've brain dumped so much military minutiae after only three years out. Anyway. My supervisor's supervisor. This Master Sergeant (MSgt) was OBSESSED with MBTI. It was literally the first conversation I had with him when he took the position and was doing the rounds to meet all of us. We were working for a 3-letter agency AND working outside our unit in an almost wholly civilian org on top of that, so thankfully we didn't work in the same office, but good christ he took potshots at ANYBODY he ASSUMED was one flavor of alphabet soup or another that he didn't "agree with."

He did, for whatever it's worth, correctly guess my flavor of alphabet soup (I have never ever been able to remember or care what my MBTI is, it's fucking alphabet soup, leave me alone) after a 5-minute conversation. He also, however, failed to notice my far more aggressive and obvious extremely mentally and physically unwell signs thanks to my miserable recent divorce and far more miserable unfolding chronic illnesses that were going to end up with me getting a whole-ass 100% disability rank/pay with Veteran's Affairs and insisted on visiting my shit-ass cubicle EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. to CHAT. USUALLY DISCUSSING FUCKING THE MBTI OF VARIOUS OTHER DUDES IN OUR CHAIN OF COMMAND (COC). THAT I BARELY KNEW THE NAMES OF. NEVER MIND WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE OR WHO THEY WERE AS LIKE. ACTUAL DUDES. BECAUSE. I MUST STRESS AGAIN. WE WORKED IN A MOSTLY CIVILIAN ORG. SO 90% OF THE MIL FOLK IN OUR COC DIDN'T WORK ANYWHERE NEAR ME. TO THE POINT WHERE I LITERALLY DIDN'T HAVE THE DOOR CODES TO ACCESS WHERE THEY WORKED. AND THE OTHER 10% DID LIKE. ACTUAL INTEL SHIT IN OTHER OFFICES I HAD RARELY ANY REASON TO EVER ENTER. AND THE ONES I DID HAVE REASON TO ENTER WITH MILITARY FOLK IN THEM WERE USUALLY FUCKING INSUFFERABLE. AND I AVOIDED THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. SO. I DID NOT. FUCKING KNOW. WHO HE WAS. EVER!!! TALKING!!! ABOUT!!!!!

Hngh. This is why I try not to think of those awful fucking 5 years of my life. I get caps-lock-y about it. Sorry.

Anyway, this motherfucker like. Trauma bonded? To me? Because of his also miserable recent divorce? And he wanted to fuck me SO HARD while also endlessly ranting to me about MBTI horseshit 60% of every conversation we had (the other 40% and his otherwise normal behavior did actually meet me compatibly on the Normal Human Scale and we got on well, and also he was my supervisor's supervisor so like, I had to be somewhat respectful of his stupid MSgt rank). It was an exhausting fucking. What. 8 months? A full year? MBTI this. MBTI that. Etc. Etc. Etc. ETC.!!!!!!

Anyway the SECOND I said "asexual" he entirely quit talking to me entirely, so I guess that's something.

Secondary anyway birthstone-obsessed people are wild to me. Us March folks got royally fucked over by boring-ass AQUAMARINE and you expect me to take that stuff seriously? Lol

Thirdly anyway I haven't dealt with any hardcore astrology people since high school, but she was my friend's mom and she and her husband were honestly the best role models in my life at that age? To the point my shit-fucking-terrible mom resented her otherwise a-okay positivity in my life for like? A decade?? Hell, she probably still does. It's wild how many times I had to remind my Chronic Gaslighting Bitch of a mom, "I haven't talked to Betty since I was 18, WHAT are you talking about."

Fourthly anyway shout-out to Civilian Megan (whose spelling variation I can never remember on account of having one of those Normal White American Girl names with 50 spelling variations, even with her full name on a paper name plate) who sat across from me and went out of her way to save me from Awkward Lengthy conversations with MSgt MBTI and SSgt Marvel Movies Nerd every goddamn day, she was a real one and I should probably shoot her a 'hi how are you' message on Steam today

“Bat swinging at wasp nest” post but I cannot be nice about astrology people. No you did not find the one good or cute or quirky way to believe the quality of someone’s character is biologically pre-determined. Just because you found a way to not base it on race or ethnicity or gender does not make judging someone’s character on an innate and uncontrolled attribute suddenly teehee fine.

I’m even more baffled by the people going “it’s just fun!” “It’s just a hobby!!” Sure if it was something harmless. It’s not. We are quite literally talking about how you intend to judge, treat, view, respect, and interact with someone entirely differently based on an inherent trait. How are you not aghast? How are you not embarrassed? Why are you so insistent on needing to operate on a hierarchy of pre-determined character judgement?

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 15x07 Last Call

I want you to pay attention to lighting in this one

“What the hell kinda town name is that?” Texas

“This one chick is closing down the whole bar? There’s no one else around” “oh hey I didn’t see that coming” “sobered up pretty quick. Not feeling so cute anymore are ya?” “I wonder why you want me to focus on lighting. It’s way blue like 7 or 8000 lumens. It’s way up there” “Meet local singles in your area. Yeah” “Who was the joke for? Eileen?” “He’s not going to even take road bacon?” laughter

“His door was closed you’d walk in anyway?” “What’d he say? Swayze’s?” “fuck the regulations” “this is Texas, we don’t need no goddamn regulations /s obviously” “why do I recognize that guy?” “wait” “is he actually singing?” “could it get any more awkward?” “oh my god. Could it get any more awkward? Don’t make it weird” laughter “Randy Leahy. Couldn’t help my self” laughter “At least Eileen said it” “yup self sacrifice time. Let’s do it” “no shit” loud laughter “oh my god” “since when is Cas spelled with two s” That’s how the show spells it

“They played a lot of with foreground lighting in this episode” laughter “so much for that shopping trip” “Did he say something about ass, flashlights, and maps? I’m confused. Why is his ass on a map? IS he going to wipe his ass with a map?” “hell yeah brother’ It’s Jensen’s real song voice

“They clearly didn’t record that on that stage, but I’ll give them a pass. That’s definitely two microphones mixed into one. I have a lot of issues with this.” “JENSEN GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF THAT ICE CREAM CONE” “that’s better. See alright? Someone got after Jensen” “It’s back to the top. They cut it together” Jensen has his own band

“It’s weird when you’re taping it.” “They did a lot with the pink and blue.” YEAH THEY DID

“What are you saying? The Texas sign” “oh hey bitch” “Sergei” “Why are they being such a cock to Sergei? Seriously?” “what the fuck was that face of hers?” laughter “holy shit that’s ridiculous” “already splitting up” “NO buddy system/ what is this bullshit?” “For 4 low payments of $29.95” “what’s up with them putting smoke machines in shit?” “oh” laughter “what the fuck” “Is he a vampire or some shit?” “how does it get the money to give it to you? Does he drink blood and shit money or what?” “how long has he been in that cage? That cage is shitty. This is not believable” “We’re supposed to believe he’s kept that thing locked in that cage for how many years now?” “Does the star on the gun mean it’s a Texas gun?” “got to be all dramatic and shoot at your liquor?” “Table #1. Lost track of how many bottles and chairs now” “Fkn got him” “what’s up with proving who has the lower voice? GRRRR” “what’s up with the fkn music? So much difference in the foreground and background lighting” “I mean they did…they got better cameras this season it feels like. Technology always improves” “pretty big statement to make from the hospital bed there dude.”

[thatpunkmaximoff]

[Book Two of Three]

Story: 3 out of 5 Smut: 1 out of 5

I loved book two! Yes, there’s A LOT going on in here, but it’s so worth it.

I had very mixed feelings about certain characters, and as I read I just kept getting annoyed by them, but now that the secrets are out of the bag… all hell has broken loose.

The identities of Rio and Lynne.. holy hell. I did not see that coming.

There were so many twist, turns, and betrayals… and I have a feeling there’s only more to come.

I need book 3 asap!

Now enjoy my rambling thoughts…

* Daddy? I don’t like that Rio’s a daddy to someone who isn’t Lynne/Aria’s kid. Is this Cherry’s kid? The one he said he was gonna adopt after the dad was killed?

* Damn. Poor kid.

* He summoned the Bone Queen? Yep. He’s fucked.

* “..stuck in a human body..” — what does she mean? Is Rio not human?!

* The Bone Queen is scared.. of Rio..?

* He was reborn.. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS! He’s obviously from the Underworld and was very powerful once upon a time. Just who is he.. ?

* So it was Rio who stopped showing up? Lynne returned every Storm Day and it was Rio who wasn’t there? 🥺

* Wait, what? Do I actually like Illiam?

* And now Rio is the Bone Queen’s personal Reaper. Wtf.

* So Rio’s pissed because Lynne moved on with Illiam, but yet he won’t answer questions about his own disappearance or the fact that he’s married? Fuck this dude.

* Oh man. The tension between these two is thick! I have so many questions.

* And now we have a chapter with Aria’s name..? Are her memories coming back?

* Aww. They had a connection back in high school 🥺

* Just who is Any and Lynne’s father..? Is it the Shadow King?!

* “Try pulling that stunt again, and I swear I’ll punch you in the face. Hard.” // “Well, not to be blunt but if you did that, the only thing becoming hard would be my dick.” — lmfao.

* I knew that wasn’t his bio daughter! I knew it was Cherry’s.

* And not married to anyone on earth..? So does that mean he married someone in the Underworld..? 🤔

* Rio fucking Lynne against the wall where they’re holding her lover hostage is such a dick move. I love it.

* Lmao. There’s no such thing as a reaper’s bond. Rio fucking handfasted her without her knowledge 😂

* HOLY FUCK! RIO IS THE SHADOW KING!?

* Aw fuck. None of the Underworld can fall in love. Rio killed one of their lovers… so they set their sights on his. Fuck these hoes.

* Goddess of Moon and Rebirth. God, I love it.

* Man, they really are cursed. She either has to kill him, weaken him, or find another solution. But they’re running out of time 😔

* Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. They put Rio under a sleeping spell! Lynne/Aria has to go TopWorld now 😬

* How are you gonna end it that way?!

[nachoaveragejoe234]

Also, I never see people whining about Cassandra being "antisemitic", despite not only looking similar to Gothel, but actually being revealed as Gothel's daughter. I bet it's because she's a hero who is only evil briefly due to brainwashing. Also as you can see even clearer with the cartoon, Cassandra doesn't have a "Jew nose", it's so obvious. She isn't an antisemitic stereotype and neither is her mom. You want an antisemitic stereotype? The wolf's disguise in Three Little Pigs, that was offensive. THIS is NOT. How about these Jews (like anyone else when it comes to bigotry) go fight actual bigots in real life and stop complaining about movies and cartoons and trying to accuse them of hating them by using their headcanons and ironically using the stereotypes they hate so much? I mean, why the FUCK are you associating big noses, greed, money, gold stealing, old people, power hunger, lizard people, witches, trolls, goblins, etc with Jews in the first place?

Other media that gets accused of being bigoted:

Star Wars - Watto having a nose and being greedy.

Wizard of Oz (and most witch media): Having witches with big pointy noses. The only one that is actually antisemitic possibly is The Witches, as Roald Dahl did and has been proven to ACTUALLY hate Jews (unlike Walt Disney who while he had some sus moments like the Wolf disguise and meeting Leni Riefenstahl or however her name is spelled, he hired Jewish people, he ws friends with Jews and donated to Jewish charities so do with that what you will.)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - The child catcher having the nose.

Several Barbie movies:

Swan Lake - Rothbart having the nose. The thing is he has that nose because he is designed after a bird. He can shapeshift into a falcon (or is it an eagle?), his clothes are literally made of feathers. Also, his cousin the Fairy Queen would be Jewish if he was, and she's also Latina, so he's part Latino. Does that make him anti-Latino??

Princess and the Pauper - Preminger being greedy and power hungry, and having a Jewish name. The thing is I feel they chose Preminger because it sounded fancy, nothing else. I mean many non Jewish people have Jewish names, including bad people, as all names originate from somewhere else. There are plenty of bad Esthers, Aarons, Isaacs, Johns, etc, nobody whines. Heck in Spanish speaking places there are lots of dudes named Jesus.

Fairytopia and Magic of Pegasus - Trolls, who of course generally have big pointy noses. Again, shut up. Also the trolls in MAP are heroes, victims of a curse. So in that case even if they were Jews they were the opposite of villainized.

And the overarching argument, Barbie and Ken being blonde. I actually saw people call them "Aryan" and essentially subtly call them "Nazis". These "Aryans" were designed by Ruth Handler. Ms. Handler was A JEWISH WOMAN. So in your face!

PS nutjobs, witches, goblins, big noses, greed, power hunger, and lizard people are not even associated with Jews by your average Joes, and when they write that content they are not writing "Jewish metaphors", the only people who do that are racists. A story about a goblin wanting to marry a princess or lizard shapeshifters doesn't automatically mean it's code for "Jewish people are your enemy" or "Jews are monsters", it's fantasy and sci-fi, grow up.

“Mother Gothel’s design makes me uncomfortable. Her dark, thick, curly hair, her sharp nose, and the way her features are generally perceived as more “ethnic” in comparison to all the other human characters in Tangled—it all reminds me of an archetype for Jewish women”

[yun-fangz]

LIFE OF THE PARTY. | OT8 ISH?

PAIRING(S): Implied ot8 x AFAB! reader

WC: 1.2k

Warnings: NSFW ! implied smut in the future? drug usage (weed. like a lot.) alcohol consumption, cross inebriation (pls be careful), highly suggestive content, ooc ateez, they’re all smoked out, everything is consensual, shotgunning smoke, cursing, explicit dancing. NOT EVERYONE IS MENTIONED BUT THEY’RE THERE !! all i can say is my inner whore came out i’m sorry.

A/N: ok... i apologize in advance for how horrible this is 😭. The idea came to me so i said yolo and then didn’t know where i was going so sorry if its a bit meh. This is a combination from life of the party, house of balloons/glass table girls, and high for this by the weeknd so... yeah LMFOQWAYB SORRY. please consume alcohol and any (legal) drugs responsibly and legally !

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LIKE/REBLOG/LEAVE FEEDBACK !! i’m kinda lacking motivation so pls pls lmk what you think. :(

DISCLAIMER: this isn't proofread ! i apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes and any inconsistencies with my writing.

This is purely a work of fiction. What’s written is purely for entertainment and does not represent ATEEZ or any of the individual members at all.

FIC UNDER THE CUT !

You don't know how much you’ve smoked, but the way your eyes lazily looked around the room, you knew you were far too gone. You only said you were going to do a little, but one puff turned into too many you could count and here you were now, sitting on some dude's lap who’s name you barely could even remember.

Yunho, you think his name was. He was the one you first met at this party, introducing you to the rest of his friend group. From what you can remember they were all really nice, no lingering eyes or touches making you uncomfortable. That was until someone got the bright idea of rolling up.

In your defense, you initially declined the offer, saying you had already drank too much and didn’t want to get crossed tonight. All it took was a couple passes around for you to fold though, asking for the joint after Wooyoung’s 3rd pass. From then on you only said one more hit, but soon enough you had smoked far too much. You don't even know how you ended up on Yunho's lap either.

The room was hazy as you looked through all the smoke, finding most of the boys equally as smoked out as you or close enough. Most of you had already forgotten about the party still happening right outside the door, until you heard a popular song come on.

“Hey y/n…” someone piped up. You recognized the voice to be San, sitting across from you on another couch, blunt in hand as he took a slow drag from it.

Looking at him dazedly, you hummed an acknowledgement as you fixed yourself on the man you were currently sitting on, giving him your full attention.

“Why don’t you go on and give us a little show, hm?” he inquired. This had all eyes on you now, the air shifting as all of them were all suddenly aware of the connotation behind the question.

“Me?” you asked a little confused, moving off of yunho’s lap. Only then you realize how close you two had been, his hand on the small of your back almost on your ass, the other on top of your thigh. You brush off the lingering feeling though, focusing back on the other 7 other men who are all looking at you.

“Well i don't see another y/n around here do i?” Chimed in another voice, closer this time.

“Yeosang..” You then hear yet another voice warn, Seonghwa maybe? No, Hongjoong. You didn’t really know at this point.

“You don't have to do anything if you don't want to.” The other voice continued.

No, it was definitely Seonghwa.

Sitting up straighter this time, you shook off whatever feeling you had and moved to stand up. “No, it's fine, I don't mind. Really.” you half slurred standing up. You hadn’t immediately refused the idea, i mean you alone in a room with 8 insanely hot men? Score! You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to fuck every single one of them the moment you laid eyes on them, but you weren’t expecting it to turn out like this.

“If you want a show I'll give you one.” you say, slowly walking over to lower the already dim lights in the room, gaining a couple whistles and hollers from a couple of the boys sitting down, the others eagerly cleaning off the coffee table once plastered with rolling paper and weed buds to a clean surface for you to comfortably dance on. Was it safe or ethical? no, but did you care? not one bit.

Taking San’s waiting hand, you climb up onto the coffee table, not missing the way his hand lingered on your back a second too long. “San” you call out behind you, turning back to him. “yeah?” you hear him reply. Holding out your fingers, you motion towards the blunt he had been holding for some time now. Registering the intentions, he slides the blunt between your fingers, not failing to take a hit before he lets go.

Smiling, you turn back as you now hear the music getting louder. Intentional or not, you didn’t mind as you took a drag and started moving slowly to the music, getting lost in the rhythm. Every now and then you’d take a small drag while dancing, trying to ignore all of the hard stares and occasional whistles from the men surrounding you.

You noticed the music changing though, from a hot and lively song to a darker and sensual beat. You thought to end it here though, until you finally decided to turn your head and actually look at the men who were eagerly watching you.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for the sight.

All of them, pupils blown wide, ready to pounce on you at any given moment. It frightened you in the best way, knowing you had this effect on not only one but eight men.

It only spurred you on further though, deciding to not only continue but up the ante and take a more risqué route with your dancing

Lowering yourself onto your knees, you make sure to make eye contact with some of them as you begin to trail your hand from your torso to your core, slowly bringing it back around your ass, lifting your skirt slightly in the process. You swear you heard a growl or two from one of them and it makes you smile, happy that this is working.

You sit up once more though and take a drag, body rolling and moving your hips to the slow and sensual beats to the music playing

“That’s enough.” Hongjoong says, cutting through the music. Although reluctant and slightly confused, you stop moving, sitting back on your heels as you turn to look at him

“Is there an issue?” you ask innocently, turning to face him completely.

“No no, god, you were perfect.” he replied

“I just don't want us all to get carried away. I mean, I don't think you’d be able to handle what we’re all offering.” He continued. You cock your head to the side at his remark, moving to sit flat on your ass this time. “And who said I couldn't?” You cheekily reply, letting out a playful scoff once you see his gaze darken even further than you thought was possible

“Besides, who said I was going to take all eight of you at once?” You gave him a quizzical look, feigning offense to his comment. You stand up, haphazardly sauntering your way over to another man's lap, jongho you believe, and he takes you with open arms.

Sitting down with your legs spread on each side of his, you stare at him deeply while bringing the blunt towards your mouth. “open up for me” you whisper and he obliges, his mouth slightly agape as you bring the blunt past your lips and take a deep inhale. Moving your hand away, you bring your mouth to his, lips almost connecting as you blow the smoke into his mouth. You sit like that for a while feeling the way he inhales and exhales the smoke before turning his gaze towards you once more.

Sitting back satisfied, you clear your throat once more before addressing the room.

“I know you all may think you’re in control because I'm the only female here, but I'll have you know I always have my way. And plus…”

“I’m the life of the party aren’t i?”

this sucked... like actually. GN LMMADIFAUEB

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