#how insane can i get on the internet?
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reminding myself that i should be posting the Ideas i have in my head no matter how cringe they are. social anxiety healing or whatever idk i'll probably (hopefully) forget abt this post in 20 minutes anyways heres my warrior cats x danganronpa au i have growingly extensive lore for it
the shuichi and his uncle collection
Birchwhisker would be his uncle in this. Brightfeather is his mom. Shuichi himself, his name is Olivepaw (the v3's are all 'paws)
the yellow cat in the back is an oc of mine named daypelt btw, shes a really old warriors oc dating back to like... 2019 at the very least? not sure. she aint a dr character ignore her
the cat saiouma
Kokichi, otherwise known as Spotpaw, started as a rogue in a funney little rogue group. can't imagine who they'd be. He joins the clan cus he's interested in their life and also maybe DICE is like slaughtered idk im still figuring that one out. buuuut!! he does join the clan and as you can imagine it goes. great
kaito and kokichi rivarly persists. at first he's wary cus Spotpaw's an outsider, but eventually theyre only fighting just cus he doesnt fucking like Spotpaw LMAO (´▽`*)
His name is Nightpaw btw. His grandparents are elders in the clan. They tell funny stories to the children and Nightpaw tells them facts about the sky and he never shuts the fuck up about how their warrior ancestors inhabit the stars. at the same time he is also freaked out of the idea of the medicine cats (hiii mikan!!) being visited by the ghosts of fallen warriors (´- `*)
and finally
Shuichi and Tsumugi. Had to get a little strange with the family lines because... warrior cats... but basically Olivekit and Threadkit were raised together as siblings. Unfortunately! Junko is very present! Under the name of Goldenclaw. Mukuro is here too btw her name is Blackstrike. I'd share their designs but i hit my 10 photo limit on mobile and im not getting on my computer for this. oh yeah abyway uhhh Threadkit is kind of Goldenclaw's kit?? Goldenclaw probably found her in a ditch somewhere and went "oh yeah i can make a legacy out of this". She makes her sister raise Threadkit under the guise that shes her biological kit, and because of that, Birchwhisker goes to her for help to raise Olivekit. blackstrike is not happy about this
It all starts out as one big clan run by Jin, who has...yet to be Warrior named. And for a while, they're the ONLY clan. Buuuut.... Junko is here. The SDR2 cast are here. it does not stay peaceful
I won't type it all out since I'm still figuring it out and also I want to post this before I back out from nervousness but basically, Junko-- Goldenclaw,, yeah she's feeling a liiittle rebellious. Despair rises. Civil war within the clan begins, and eventually, Goldenclaw and her (very brainwashed and manipulated) group split off from the clan to start their own. and then they go to war (((・・;) typical warrior cats stuff
Eventually the conflict ceases as Makoto takes leadership of the clan as Luckystar. And I think, in this world, this is how the 9 lives ceremony woukd start-- some of the cats killed under Goldenclaw's tyranny come back to revive him with 9 extra lives to defeat her. They discover some sorta moonstone/moonpool (i prefer the stone lowkey) during this story. the drama. thats the best part about warriors. the DRAMA.
ok that's all i think i got it out of my system. maybe i'll come back to this maybe i won't i dunno,, i have a bad habit of having an idea and then forgetting it a day later (;ω;) so. you guys get danganronpa battle cats instead of anything... normal. whoopsies
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the internet was cut off and i ran out of data so i asked my brother if i can connect to his hotspot and downloaded dol on my phone,,,,,,,,,
#were in the process of moving !!!!!!!!!! new apartment has wifi !!!!!!!!! but more importantly were not homeless !!!!!!!!!!!!!😭😭#my time completely cut off from everyone was very much like the pic LMAOAOA#dol was the only offline game i could think of that wasnt some dumbass puzzle game or something#i even play this shit in public cause i literally have nothing to do without internet except maybe look at my gallery for the 400th time#i turn off the combat animations tho so its just all text when im outside 😭like im brave but not THAT brave#but anyway its safe to say that im getting back into it again 🧍♀️#last time i played dol was before the pregnancy update and like knowing u can get pregnant now is scary#like what if im not prepared to take care of a fictional child#will i be a good mother?????????? i dont want to traumatize the kid and subject them to the horrors of the town like????????#im still like kind of early in + i still have yet to explore the other stuff i never did during my last playthrough so im pretty excited#also somehow course of temptation was still running in the browser i have opened on my chrome so yk..............#played a bit of that as well.........................#its so funny how every npc has names its insane and i love the phone thingy too#ok thats all i think#frambling...?
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i saw that you used to hint at oc stuff on twitter (don't ask me why im digging im looking for zola stuff lmao) why don't you post more about them?
i am simply terrified that if i post oc things online someone will steal the concept and run with it faster and better than i ever could have and then i will be devastated forever and ever
more seriously i have very little to show for any of my oc things (adhd brain making life difficult as per usual awawawawawa) and every time i've shared oc things in the past i've ended up never following up on it and it makes me feel bad and guilty so i've just convinced myself i will Never talk about my ocs until i have something substantial i can put out there
#mio answers things#anon#i'm getting a little better with making things for my ocs#on account of having friends i can actively share my brain rot with#but i still dread the feeling of posting a character and being forever haunted about never doing anything with them ever again#(echoes of custard howling in my mind)#just like how i dread having a repeat of that time in middle school#where i talked about my werecrow oc in the comments of a bigger artist's works#and they ended up making their own werecrow oc immediately after#they very much directly aligned with mine#but it got wildly popular on their account and they made a ton of art for it and i just#ended up deleting any evidence of mine because i felt so bad about it skjdfhgkldhfkgj#like i have no problem with people taking inspiration from my designs#i think it's fun seeing people design vy2s with two toned hair and kyos with pink eyes and hair pins w#but like. the thought of posting my oc and having someone run them through a blender to make their own character makes me feel. bad.#i can't articulate the specific reason Why it makes me feel bad but it does skjfghdkjfgsdhkjf#like if i finally posted theater gang stuff and then saw someone else take those concepts and make them into their own characters#i might just collapse into a pile of beef trimmings and never get up sdfkjhglksjdfg#it's silly and i don't know why my brain's like this but because of this in combination with my fear of posted oc things haunting me foreve#i simply will not be posting <3333#(and also just that. i'm incapable of producing enough artwork to make my ocs matter in a public context i think.)#(like you breed affection for a character through familiarity)#(which you only really get by creating A Lot Of Art)#(and i cannot do that <333)#(so instead most times i post it's a few handfuls of likes)#(and that doesn't really feel worth it to my brain when i could just settle for going insane over them with my friends skjdfhgkjsdf)#i really think this last year has just taught me that i really. honestly truly prioritize the reactions and feelings of my friends#over strangers on the internet#and it feels a lot more comfortable that way w#AH
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hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc
okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny
Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.
I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.
And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.
And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah 👍
I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas
#whisp whispers#fishie beastlife spoilers#since i had to rewatch videos these tags will serve as going insane about details i missed that were irrelevant to the post#i could make a whole thing on the parallels between fishie and bree. 'at least im not the only one with a troubled love life' yeah i guess#this is taking me ages to finish because if i think about beastlife fishie too long it genuinely spikes my heart rate#i think there's something wrong with me#fishie and bree both leaping at the oppurtunity to trade with their exes is so funny to me#someone should do indepth research about the way fishie interacts with dingo because i haven't been paying attention to it#by 'someone' i mean me because i'm the only one who can do that. other beastlife fan if you see this. holds out hand do you want#to make an analysis post with me .......#i appreciate kiwi trying so hard to do bug facts because bree's moth take is toooo insane for him. we can yes and the alien bit he draws th#line at incorrect moth facts though#'im neutral this is just fascinating' <-really funny in retrospect#*this is also taking so long forever because i keep distracted by whatever the fuck is wrong with everyone that i can't remember how to lik#put things into words#for what is a housewife without a house and no longer a wife?#'sorry guys it's just gonna be a lot of decorating today' YOUUUU. YOU. (<quote from beginning of e5)#ratchelor pad guitar riff is horrid on 2x speed. never do this what i'm doing right now#one of my irls is still in awe of the 6person boogie kill (or rather how nobody noticed fishie preparing the 6person boogie#is it boogey or boogie#does oku falling off a pillar and dying in the middle of fishie lore also count as a fishie proximity death#fishies curse is that people won't stop dying in the death games#also hiiiii fishieeeee you said you enjoyed analaysis. um. this one went a little off the rails i think and is more theory than analysis#posting this and disappearing off the face of the internet. cringe is dead but like. i mean you get it
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a young person has been trying to explain how to type on my phone like a young person does (they use their thumbs, wtf?) and i have not yet done it enough to see improvement but i need to report my shock that using your thumbs does not seem to be worse than using the typing finger of the hand that isn't holding the phone. this seems MADNESS as thumbs are the wide fingers! and yet. i suppose if that's the way they're supposed to be used (phones, not thumbs) they probably make phones with that in mind. that you're using your widest fingers on the tiny tiny keyboard. insanely.
#don't worry i can say insane because i am#i also turned predictive text back on which i may soon regret but we'll see how that goes.#i am NOT a boomer-level phone user! that's my dad who holds it at arms length and doesn't even try to reply to text messages.#i am just Millenial Level by which i mean i assume the snake game is on the phone somewhere and i worry about texts getting Too Long.#oh no i have filled the memory completely by having 8 saved text messages! i must delete some so i can play the snake game again!#the internet?? but there's no cable on this phone how would the internet get to it? through the AIR?! ha ha ha ha!!!! as if!!!#technology#it me#anyway this could unlock whole new kinds of typo in the notes i make on my phone to remind me of things. EXCITING!
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me, hyped up about Star Trek Enterprise again after finishing my beloved season 3: I wonder if there are any posts about it on tumblr *searches*
me, twenty minutes later, closing the results: ah. I see. it has suffered from fandomification, where fans threw out canon and replaced it with fanon. one hundred and thirty seven polls asking "what was your first/favorite star trek" and it is at the bottom of every one. this between 14million other posts about every other star trek series. some funny memes thrown in for ~flavor~. great. wonderful. I'll just go back into my happy little corner with my parents who unironically enjoy the show with me then.
#star trek enterprise#I don't know what I expected#I mean I didn't really expect anything I was shocked and excited to see posts... at first#now I'm just sorry I asked#for the purpose of answering every poll I came across: star trek enterprise WAS my first exposure to star trek#and yeah it imprinted on me a little#I was definitely in a space era after watching battlestar galactica (1978)#and I loved it#I still unironically love it#not a single post I saw talked about how amazing season 3 is I must fix that#if I have to see one more post talking about how captain archer is an idiot I will go insane#people can be smart and intuitive and still make stupid decisions sometimes without being 'himbos' internet#the man managed to befriend at least 47 different species of alien INCLUDING establishing an alliance#with the aliens who wanted to DESTROY EARTH#Idk maybe I'm just relating to the show on a subconscious level now#because I'm an adult who has been thrown into situations over her head and been forced to use intuition#because no one trained me or guided me#AND THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF STAR TREK ENTERPRISE#IT'S HUMANITY'S FIRST TIME IN SPACE AND THEY HAVE HAD NO TRAINING#OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA MAKE MISTAKES#'star trek enterprise is funny and stupid uwu' THEY HAD TO STOP THE XINDI DEATH STAR SHUT UP#THEY SURVIVED THE EXPANSE THAT THE *KLINGONS* WERE AFRAID OF#HHHHHHHHHHHH#ugggggggh okay I'm getting worked up I should stop
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Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about
#do NOT quote me on those numbers i pulled them straight out of my ass#like the ending was rushed and the diamonds didnt get to be fully developed but liek#the whole reason that was the case is there was an entire 6th season planned#and then the show got axed early because rebecca sugar and crew refused the back down on the rupphire wedding.#and even rushedness aside like the point of the show was never that you should hug fascists and forgive people no matter what#the diamond were rose's (and his) dysfunctional family whose personal suffering became the basis for the cruelty of gem society#bismuth in The Real World would have been right to want to kill the diamonds as a force of revolution#but the point of the show is that even the most complicated people are still people who can change. even if you dont forgive them#even steven quartz universe the most loving boy in the world very obviously does not like being around the diamonds. but that is how it is#it was a children's show that emphasized compassion and communication and family as themes. of course steven didnt kill the diamonds lol#i really fully believe the stevenbomb format (which was not the crew's choice or fault) cooked peoples' brains#you had months between major arcs so every wrongdoing by a character had months to be warped and misinterpreted and so no resolution could#ever satisfy fans who were festering with their own opinions for way too long#like these arcs looking back are not that long and they resolve in fairly reasonable manners but they took fuckin forever in real time to#wrap up#and ppl on the internet with no other hobbies than arguing made the fandom suck to be in and gave su a bad name#even if you dont like steven universe i think the amount of vitriol thrown at the show is/was fucking INSANE for what it is lmaooo#people were so so jolly to accuse rebecca sugar (a jewish lady) of being a fascist/fash sympathizer and paint every writing shortcoming or#morally dubious character action as a sign of pure fuckin evil#ok that was a long ass fuckin rant in the tags i am so sorry i'm just kind of opinionated on this matter as i am all matters#i've been rewatching su with my dad lately and this very normal and well paced and fun watchthrough experience has been illuminating#just how insane and uncalled for the hellish discourse sphere around su was/is#i say was/is i have no idea what su discourse is like nowadays. i'm too scareds to look in the su crit tag
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Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):
But I liked the clean white background one...
#It's cute...#It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi#Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;;#Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking.#It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful#Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image.#And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know??#But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source”#Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality#And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20#And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public????#It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work#Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison#Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google#and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff)#But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option#But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens#and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea-#what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge#random rambles
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i want out of this apartment so, so badly, but we got the email saying we're gonna be receiving renewal documentation this week and having to decide NOW whether i need to figure all of that shit out is. bad.
#i was gonna call them in march lmao#lease ends june 1 like 'we're already getting inquiries' that's great#im already so overwhelmed even thinking about the logistics of finding a place sorting moving options moving utilities moving internet#not to mention the insane financial hurdle of deposit+rent plus moving#weeps#im like. really struggling living here lmao but also at this point i'm really struggling just existing and piling all of that extra bullshi#is not gonna help#i might just. fucking suck it up and stay for the duration that i have to be in this stupid town#idk what im doing after that and idk how long that actually has to be because my work can Not decide how longevity works#weh.#mentally and emotionally compromised#AND i have to see my endo this month#it's all stupid and it's still killing me
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the amount of work transmeds n sysmeds n terfs will put in to ensure theyre miserable and alone forever is crazy. i guess when the agony is optional perhaps it has more appeal i've definitely contemplated breaking bones just so the pain was different like I understand misery incredibly well just like. man. you could like change and you would probably feel a whole lot better and have more friends and feel more stable????
#why choose to be better when you can lie and hurt people#I sure know how to pick 'em i guess. really I am quite talented at finding bad people who pretend#wahh trauma makes me act this way. yeah trauma makes me act terrible too. you know what i do about that? FUCKING WORK ON IT#you're not an adult. you're making fun of children on the internet for exploring their identity in harmless ways#also the concept of the dsm-5 ruling my entire life is insane to me. how do you live like this.#when i start to see the spiders i just live and let live dude#when the memories get whisked off to another guy im not like writing it down and reporting it to the did authorities#okay well i do hate the mass bug attack but everyone would hate the mass bug attack.#anyway. utterly deranged behavior. grow up#oh yes i definitely trust the united states to tell me what makes me what I am and I see no problems with this#i will blindly follow the next person in front of me. i will join this angry mob without knowing why. i will be awful and mean for no reaso#and one day when it's me i'll be SO surprised that the leopards ate MY face#you're the bad guy here. i want you to know that. you are the red right wing voice here#you're not some brilliant rebel#you're insecure and all of your points tie back to that insecurity and you will never feel better if you continue this path#i'm going to fill my life with love and fun and forget all about you and i'm not even going to know it.#and you will languish in your lack of internal deconstruction of fascist ideas that make you miserable or something idk#again grow up#my finale message. good bye#phlyaros' nonsense
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every time I post I feel like a fuckin politician. the girl gets 3 texts a day with a ss of my response to something with "was that the right thing to say" underneath it.
#its so exhausting here sometimes#it doesnt help the fact that half the people on here are insane and unreasonable so it#becomes difficult to decipher when someone is bringing up a genuine issue to you.#and then its like#should i trust the opinions of my friends?#(people who have a natural tendency to agree with me)#or should i trust random strangers on the internet#(fucking random strangers!)#idk. just#sooo exhausted of having to constantly be vigilant of how my every word can be dissected and#taken apart#maybe its because i was a spn twitter girlie back in the day and im just still mentally trying to#get over that LOL#egonkula rambling
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【please do not reupload!】 red string of fate redraw of this
#jibaku shounen hanako kun#toilet bound hanako kun#jshk#tbhk#地縛少年花子くん#hanako kun#yashiro nene#nene yashiro#dooblenauts#i didnt have internet for a week and decided to do this finally after 400 years#been 3 years and i still dont understand how to draw 😔#also went for a darker 'water' cause i thought it looked nicer#idk im overwhelmed with everything cause ive been doing like. nothing for a week#and internets back and now i just want to sleep#ive been waking up at like. 6-7am!!!! cause i had nothing to look forward to doing!!!!#now the internet is back and i wake up at 10am!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK#its insane how much better it is for me to be offline but god im so insanely bored during the day#i can draw but i had nothing to watch or listen to or anything while i drew#i have music for speed drawings but that gets annoying after listening to the same songs over and over#i need to figure out a happy medium between productivity and being online#also lost like. 6 followers on twitter from being inactive (':#not that it matters i dont do much anyway#just kinda hurts. but whatcha gonna do
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AND IN HONOUR OF TODAY'S FINDINGS HAVE A STUPID DOODLE OF THESE TWO I DID A DAY OR TWO AGO :3
#IVE BEEN FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS ALL AFTERNOON I SWEAR IM GOING INSANE#ETTIE STAYS WINNING 💥💥💥💥#no but in all srsness. im so fucking happy we get to see agoti interact w tabi in the update#no kidding regardless of how their relationship is interpreted i will eat it up every single damn time#IM SRSLY JUST LOSING IT RN /vpos I WILL CONSUME ANY SCRAPS OF TAGOTI CONTENT THAT I CAN#i could rant all about these two and their dynamic and how i see them but yall are not prepared for the absolute carnage#but yeah i stay winning i am so smart and when the tabi update comes out i will be the most insufferable person on the internet#my art#digital artwork#fnf#fnf tabi#fnf agoti#tagoti#🦇 human!agoti#🦇 human!tabi
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girl i have to give a presentation tomorrow morning abt how social media has decimated journalism and news media (duh) but google is literally so non-functional now that i can hardly find ANY sources about how disastrous pivot to video was
#like.. i lived thru it i listened to a podcast abt it last week#but i cant find anything anywhere#i found one academic article with old atlantic articles linked#and i can get around the paywall w internet archive etc#but i cant find anything else organically#its just insane. its just bonkers.#i was listening to someone talk abt how their old articles from 2014-2015 were like lost media now even to them#and YEAH#where the FUCK IS ALL THIS WRITING I REMEMBER READING#its like 'i remember the facebook algorithm did this and had this effect'#then i search for that specifically#and i find nothing#why doesnt google work anymore
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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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Its weird because i dont actually have much of a desire to move to france or use french reguarly in my life but at this point ive deadicated over a year to learning it so i might as well keep going and finish
#it just makes me frustrated but whatevee#its like a pretty big part of my life but A. i never feel like i can chat about it#b. its generally increadibly difficult with no real way to track progress#c. its both. increadibly alienating and connecting#its so easy to feel lonely as a foreigner#foreigner isnt the right word since its the internet but thats the closest thing ive got#and i want to talk about it and share my music and what ive found but thats also difficult#because then people either expect you to be good at it which im literally not or#one time my friend made a comment at me like 'your french rap because your so cool'#and like NO!!!!! IM NOT COOL IM A LANGUAGE NERD!!!!!!#idk it made me feel bad and like. everytime i try to express my love for learning this i feel like a pretentious ass#when NO. im literally just enjoying a process and developing a skill that im very excited about and it sucks not beinf able to talk about it#it also doesnt help that the majority of instences are very small things#like today i met someone and asked them if they had a portal and they said no#THATS MASSIVE FOR ME. I ASKED A QUESTION AND GOT A RESPONSE. I TRANSCENDED LANGUAGE BARRIERS ARE YOU FUCKING ME#how is that not frankly INSANE#anyway idk. i want to be better but the joy is in the process or whst fucking ever#im also realising a lot of the time i feel like i have to prove myself to french servermates#i have to be useful i have to be generous i have to be a good builder#because if im not then im annoying and slow and everyone gets confused#im starting to want to find characters in shows like me who are stuck between languages and who are trying o reach across to others despite#idk learning a langauge has given me so much perspective on the world. other things seem to fall flat#its nice to feel smarter than i usually do#i often think im just not very smart at these kind of things but i am it just takes a different method for me i guess#idk#fish talks
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