#how i started | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lorrensflowergarden · 2 months ago

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My Story as an artist, writer & story enthusiast, just trying to make a way through the world.

How I Started:

Ok, let's start from the beginning with a brief summary.

I grew up in what used to be a small town, with a very big family inside a medium sized house- news flash- it was still too small, yes we had at least three to four tv's at one time and yes someone was always either hogging the bathroom, or the toilet.

We weren't "dirt poor", but we weren't well off or anything and I came with a few 'gifts' (health issues) *a-hem!* when I was born so in and out of hospital from since I was a baby until the age of seventeen when I got to decide to stop all of the surgeries, doctors appointments and junk and just try to live my life as best I can because it was just causing me just as much grief as my health issues and by then I was functional enough to do well without any more.

Anyway; being a kid coming from a kinda poor, less privileged background and being a little on the 'odd side'; I got bullied a fair bit. Teachers didn't do anything, the other kids parents didn't care and even my parents stopped wanting to hear about it because they didn't know what to do, no one knew what to do with me, or knew how to handle me etc, bla, bla, cliche, cliche, yeah I know; it was a whole thing that I'm not gonna get into it right now if ever.

Moving on; I should have left in year ten and started working on my own projects then, but I was pretty well broken by then; I had no confidence, very little self worth, or self esteem and my parents wanted me to get a "regular job" -Ick, that has Never been for me and like I said I was pretty broken by then to the point where I was barely functioning and my teachers of course sold us the whole 'If you don't finish year 12, you'll never get a job anyway and I had no real functioning support system so what the heck was I supposed to do right?

I felt pretty stuck. So I stayed and finished school.

Although I didn't even do all that well. With the way they explained how the whole system was supposed to work; many of us who were not 'Scholars' or even just average, probably shouldn't have passed and yet, graduation came and we all passed. So that was basically just a whole lot of nothing that I had just wasted my last two years on.

Then there was prom. I loved being able to dress up and the dancing was pretty fun, but I was still struggling so much on the inside and I always look back and can't help but feel like it was a waste and just what was it all for y'know?

Then I quit art and writing because school and well meaning family members killed my passion and confidence for ever making it in either industry and I tried to "fix myself" with boyfriends; who weren't even really boyfriends, more like just guys who strung me along because I was starved for affection and of course I let them treat me really badly because when you're hurting as much as I was, you really can't see, think, or act right.

I let them mess me up emotionally and mentally for a really long time even after school was over. Finally escaped a cramped, chaotic home, only to end up in an even worse situation in a bad part of town. Thankfully only lasted about a year, or so there before moving back home.

I had started writing again and even looking into getting something published, but that all fell through and I lost hope completely again for a while.

But then I started pursuing art again.

I had already lost so much and trying to get a regular job wasn't working either so I thought 'What more could I possibly lose that I hadn't already?'

So; I bought some supplies and started making things and I made my first sales with my decorated little macaroon containers at a family friends birthday party.

I was completely over the moon and so thankful that something had finally worked for me.

At first family was fairly supportive; I'd started a facebook page, had a gofundme to help me gain some more support and get more supplies, but it was hard to keep up with and the support around me just wasn't consistent. (It is probably glaringly obvious that healthy consistency just was not a constant in my life unfortunately.) However I did keep going for a while, but I still grew steadily more and more discouraged especially with Facebook wanting me to fork out money just to boost my own posts and what not; I got sick of it, closed my page and eventually left the app altogether.

It took me a long time to get back in that saddle again, but then I came across Instagram and slowly began to build something upon that. I got some more sales; I was trying my hand at making a lot more different things, my skills improved, but it still wasn't consistent enough- I wasn't consistent enough and again, neither was the support around me.

Is that their fault? Or mine? Both; whenever I would voice that I needed more support and help, I would get a bit, but it would just be a one off and then they would wonder why I wasn't growing or getting much of anywhere; because doing everything by yourself especially in a product based business and extremely competitive market is very much like trying to move a concrete wall with just your bare hands and your own physical strength.

You need A LOT in order to get something to give.

And being someone who's always struggled with mental, physical and emotional health issues; that just makes it even harder.

Going forward after having finally moved out of home again, but having to move again within a year to another house down the street and around the corner from there; I started looking into local markets that I could go and try to sell my work at.

I started making quirky, crafty things like;

•Dioramas

•Customized handbags

•Customized little containers shaped like macaroons that you could store tiny things in

•Customized journals

•Handsewn plush toys

I was making these things throughout the week, but a lot of it was made the night before (Would NOT RECOMMEND) I would take them and try to sell them at a local market in town every second Sunday.

Here is what I learned.

The market was not advertised enough so we didn't get as much foot traffic as you would think even for a small city; it was pretty bad most of the time and those who did go wanted everything for just the tiniest amount as if it was still the 1930's or something.

Not every table holder there was trying to sell off their clutter and brick a brack; there were plenty of makers, crafters and other whatnots there as well; real professionals and while the few that I spoke to were quite kind (if memory serves me well), but what I heard from them was very disheartening, especially for a beginner.

They were all used to just marking down their prices so that they could get sales and at least be able to make the booth fee. It was only $15, but even that was difficult to make some days; even if your stuff was good quality because you just could not pick how people were going to react, what they will want and whether or not they were going to buy from you, etc. It was always really nerve-wracking, but nothing could ever really beat the feeling of at least making a few sales -AND being able to cover the table fee.

Unfortunately; in order to even get 'Some' sales, I naively took the advice of family members whom had never even really tried to do what I was trying to do before and I brought my prices down quite low as well and they weren't that high to begin with. So I wasn't really making any money, I was stressed out to the point of nearly being sick before each market.

I only lasted a few months before I started skipping going to those markets altogether because it felt like a complete waste and I was losing money left and right, not to mention I was wasting fuel and I had made an even further mistake of allowing family members to sell things alongside me in exchange for the extra help. (Not surprising that they did better than me because of better resources, better support and people generally tend to want to support younger makers more etc.)

So naturally I was pretty discouraged and even not that long after I stopped going; those markets stopped running altogether.

It took me a while to find the courage to try again.

But I started making more, better stuff and then I started looking at renting a small area in my local shopping centres - Unfortunately WAYYYY too expensive for me to do on my own - $2'000 for just a week; OUCHIES. >.<;;

Anyway; I had almost given up when one shopping centre manager called me back with a suggestion for me to join a group of other small businesses and rent a table spot with them.

I sent the organizer a message; we set everything up, I got my insurance plan and filled out all of the paper work, I tried it out and I Loved it.

It was the most fun I had Ever had working.

It did take a while for people to get to know me and my work and I improved a lot along the way; was able to increase my prices because of it and I worked stalls there with that group for around two years, or almost; also while working festivals, other local markets and events.

It was so much fun and I learned a lot, but unfortunately my health issues were still really bothering me, the long hours took a heavy toll and then the Pandemic kind of put a huge damper on everything and then the person organizing these group stalls decided it was too hard to keep up with it all and wanted to just go solo- honestly fair, although I was really disappointed at the time.

So I was once again sent adrift and had to try to figure out what to do next.

But then our lease ran out; we couldn't find another place to rent because of the housing crisis due to the Pandemic; so my siblings and I had to seperate. Some of us had to move in with family, others with friends and it was just a really rather rotten time for all of us.

I spent the next few years rather unwell and in a heavy depression over it all. I felt useless, helpless and just like dead weight although I still contributed with food and whatnot; I just felt like absolute rubbish for the longest time.

Then, we found out about another local market in the area I was currently living with family and we started trying it out; unfortunately it was very similar to the first market I had ever started going to.

•Poorly advertised

•Locals weren't all that willing to pay full price

•And I listened to bad advice just to get some sales because I was desperate

•We had so little help and support that it was just ridiculous that in the end, it didn't really seem worth it either.

Now of course, my own mind set could have been better and I was still making plenty of stupid decisions myself out of desperation, but I was just surrounded by so much negativity all of the time as well; both externally and internally and that's a very tough hole to crawl out of.

Then the lease where I was staying with family was running out and they were all moving away to try to find better opportunities in another town.

Look out for Part 2 if you're interested in reading more and if not; I'll be posting pics of my earlier art pieces if you want to take a look at that instead.

Either way; thank you for reading and take care.

All the best,

L. ��💛

#my story #how I started #part one #personal #personal journey #blog #girl blogger #artists on tumblr #small artist #writers on tumblr #writerscorner #writerscommunity #mentions of bullying #mental health #health issues #this is me trying

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