#how fucking funny it would be if skeleton won-

[shopofsomewhatwonders]

Listen it would be really funny if skeletons won bc it would mean you could draw all the skeleton memes beating the fuck outta people.

That dancing skeleton skeletor, Jack Skellington, the skeleton memes, Sans and Papyrus FUCKING UNDERTALE. You could make memes about it, you could make drawings about it, you can make fanfiction about it, you could even make an entire animated series about these meme skeletons beating the fuck outta these squids.

And the best part?

We could make history repeat itself.

[riacte]

Vote False!! like please please pretty please

1. Have you ever seen her skins. Even outside of the tumblr sexymen context she has one of the Best Selection of Minecraft Skins. Like:

Like first of all there’s her saturated post-Demise skin. Look me in the eye and tell me that’s not 2013 DevianArt tumblr anime overly colourful OC core. The neon green hair. The fabulously unnecessary pink lip gloss. The jarringly violet jacket. The Ebony Darkness vampiric red boots. The overly saturated Windows XP blue goggles. She looks like a 2013 tumblrina. In fact she probably is a 2013 tumblrina.

And of course there’s her wearing the Mumbo suit and I mean just. Just look at her. I don’t need to say anything, right? Put her in a girlboss suit. That’s a tumblr sexyman.

And then of course we have [holds back sapphic screaming] her latest skins. Listen e!False’s skin did something to everyone. Don’t lie. The steampunk. The suspenders. The rolled sleeves. And of course she’s being a mildly evil pathetic murderous meow meow. And the logging outfit is here just for display because like. Just look at it. The belt. It’s red fucking flannel. And brown gloves. She’s serving. Are we all okay? Let’s take deep breaths shall we—

There’s more about False in a suit. She was the butler in Mint Maids. And she was a cute skeleton. And she had a froggy hat. AND SHE WAS SHREK. Look at her range!

And speaking of rolled up sleeves, you had to be there when she rolled them up for the first time at the beginning of a HC season and let me tell you, hermitblr panicked. Everyone was 😳. Like how can you not—

2. Enough about the skins. False has a reputation for being a scary PvPer, and it’s both right and wrong. Right as in she can be scary sometimes but in a random, cryptic way. Remember when Scar had to kill her but just couldn’t because False was wearing protection armour? And Scar sounded like he was about to cry while False looked like a pincushion with all the arrows sticking out of her? And False took mercy on Scar and stood still just so he could kill her? There’s being scary, and then there’s the supernatural type of scary imposed by her. She’s insane. And then she felt bad and politely allowed Scar to kill her. Ma’am that’s supernatural.

But on the flip side, False can actually be kinda scared herself when it comes to PvP. You can see from her streams lmfao. But the point is, while she’s panicking and hiding and running away while being 100x prepared with like a stack of potions and golden apples, her opponent is terrified of her. So we have False being a sneaky confused pathetic meow meow (her POV) while from an outsider POV she seems like a mysterious, murderous… entity.

3. Okay apparently one of the criteria of tumblr sexyman is about the fandom’s perception soooo even before e!False, the fandom has always been OBSESSED with the concept of another False. A False False. TrueSymmetry if you will. A devious, cunning mirror image. One of the OG Helsmits. The fandom’s imagination went insane.

4. False does crime. She’s sneaky. She steals. Her (in)famous quote: It’s not stealing if you’re not caught.” Remember her hero complex during the HC7 Mayoral Race when she purposefully lured in mobs just to kill them off? Slay. What a queen.

5. Look at her cultural relevance!!! We still call her Queen of Hearts from a Gucci Gang parody years ago! She’s still False Supremacy even though that began from September 2020 with her MCC9 and MCC10 wins, by the way you should watch MCC9 Blue Bats if you haven’t already— [I am forcefully removed from the podium] She’s a legend!! She won Twitch Rivals in person!! Is that sexyman of her? No but you should still vote for her!!!

6. She already lost the mayoral vote in HC7 this is the least we can do for her 👉👈

7. It would be funny for her to beat DocM77. Like imagine the Doc reaction on Twitter. Don’t tell Doc. Get slayed. Also women <3

8. Cub got kicked out early and since he shares similar vibes with False she should win this round for both of them <3 dry humour slay murder girlboss hermits <3 <3 I have no idea what I’m saying

9. If she wins this round she would face off Ren like that would be funny. I mean it’ll also be funny if Doc wins. Ignore that point—

10. I am once again asking for your vote. Queen of Hearts! ShrekSymmetry!! #FALSESWEEP LET’S GO!!!

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

S/O secretly enrolls their skeleton boyfriend to a Mister Universe Monster contest. He has nothing to do, everything is judged on videos. Somehow, the TV animator announces on live TV he wins the contest and is now consider the sexiest monster alive. They learn about this watching the show. Reaction?

Undertale Sans - He looks at you, mouth wide open. How... How do you reverse that? He doesn't want to be a living fantasm for every monster and humans?! How the hell did he even win? I mean, he can't even eat fries without putting ketchup on his shirt. Sans is having a panic attack. He's hyperventilating and frantically sending texts to Frisk to "PLEASE RESET." "I'M BEGGING YOU." "I CAN'T DO THAT." "THIS IS WORST THAN ALL THE GENOCIDES YOU DID, YOU CAN'T LET ME SUFFER LIKE THIS." His new life is hell. Every monster can't stop laughing at him because, really, how the hell did that happened? And all the humans want to be friends with him, and there's cameras everywhere he's going. He wants this to end, omg. Also, he's mad at you for enrolling him without asking him if he wanted to even do that, which obviously: HE DIDN'T.

Undertale Papyrus - "OH WOWIE, THAT SKELETON IS SURE LUCKY. IT'S ALSO VERY FUNNY HOW MUCH HE LOOKS LIKE ME. COINCIDENCES ARE INCREDIBLE SOMETIMES." Oh, he perfectly saw it's him. He's just in denial. Because this is too great to be real, and he knows these things only happen in TV shows, not in real life. Until someone knocks at the door to give him a crown and interview him. Papyrus is looking at you, straight in the eyes, screaming "S/O WHAT THE FUCK" silently while you're chuckling and cheering him. Now, he's a bit in bewilderment at first, but he loves his new popularity. It was such a nice gift.

Underswap Sans - ???? He looks at you, clearly in shock. His house is full of cameras, everyone is congratulating him for some reason and he doesn't understand??? The man was literally on his police officer shift and went home like 10 minutes before everyone started to scream around him. He is confused. Once he realised, he is a bit flattered though. It's good for his huge ego and he is actually quite proud of the title. He will ask to S/O to never do that again without his consent though. This is the weirdest thing that ever happened to him.

Underswap Papyrus - He faints on the couch. This is way too much for poor Honey. He can't take all the sudden pressure and the fact his phone is buzzing every second really doesn't help. He's not taking the news very well. He spend the night crying on the floor begging you to wake him up of this nightmare as all the cameras are filming him, asking him to faint again because drama makes more audience. Please just let him alone! He doesn't want to be on TV. He can't even talk to the shopkeeper of his small village, why the hell do you think he would be ok talking to millions of people???

Underfell Sans - He is surprised, and quickly get defensive. What the hell you mean he won a beauty contest? Is this some kind of prank? He doesn't like the fact there's so many humans in his house, all gawking at him. But man, he's also a very big tsundere. He acts like he hates it and all, but then the humans are all praising him and says he's georgeous and that his fans loves him and he's like "who told you could stop, continue talking about what they said about me". He's maybe enjoying this a bit more than what he lets appear. Also, his little tail is wagging, even if he tries so hard to not let anyone see.

Underfell Papyrus - Well, of course he is the sexiest monster alive. It's time everyone notices. How could humans and monsters live so well without aknowledging how wonderful and sensual he is. He is clearly the alpha male here and he's glad everyone finally notice and gives him credit for it. He wants to be everywhere, on every wall of the city, on any screen he can. All eyes must be on him. Well, this is what he's telling himself. When asks what he thinks of his victory, the only thing that gets out of his mouth is a very incoherent burble as he has too much pressure on his shoulders. He becomes an Internet meme in two seconds. His career is ruined.

Horrortale Sans - ... what. No, no he doesn't want this. He closes the door and goes back to watch TV. The crowd is wondering what to do since, you know, he's not coming back. S/O tried to convince him, but Oak said "no" and didn't move, and he's so big they can't really force him to move. He doesn't want to be a celebrity, he's good in his little life in his little farm with his little brother and his little animals. Fuck that.

Horrortale Papyrus - He is VERY uncomfortable. He doesn't say anything to you because he is very scared right now. People are preparing him for an interview, and he doesn't even know what he is supposed to do! Willow doesn't really like himself, and he's terrified because now everyone thinks he is georgeous, but he doesn't even think that about himself, and he hates the feeling. He's hurt S/O entered him without even telling him when they know how bad is his relationship to his body, and this doesn't help him at all to feel more confident. He might even break with S/O later, because this is the worst day of his life, and he feels like a giant clown everyone will laugh at for a year.

Swapfell Sans - Uh... He looks at you, knowing straight you're responsible for this. He tries to act natural, and shows the cameras around, being the perfect host. As the hours passes though, he realises he's enjoying this more and more, mostly because he can do free publicities for his jewalry on live TV and everyone is actually watching and drinking any of his words. He's even more ecstatic when his phone starts buzzing hysterically as people are fighting over his creations. Man, this is the best day of his life. He's going to be rich and popular. Also, he gets used really quickly to be a fantasm to everyone, as, of course, humans and monsters should adore his body. He is truly superior to all of them. What a time to be alive.

Swapfell Papyrus - He knew actually. You both entered him because you thought the fact he could win was hilarious. You only send dumb videos of him walking on wheels and doing sexual wiggles to the camera. When Rus is designed as the champion, you both looks into each other eyes and then bursts out laughing. You're wheezing so hard you can't breathe. Rus is still dying on the ground when the people from the show comes to meet him in person. He will gladly do the sexy wiggle in front of the cameras though, while you're cheering. Nox is looking at the both of you, dead inside, as he knows everyone he knows is watching this and that he's going to be humiliated for generations.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Finally! Humanity sees him as the superior being he is! Though, he kinda didn't get it's "just" a beauty contest. You know you fucked up really bad when Wine casually says on live TV he knows expect all humans to bow in front of him and to build statues with his face, and that all people disrespecting him are going to be executed as he is now the leader and the emperor of their stupid little world. You want to bury in a hole and never see the light of day again.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He doesn't understand what's going on, but everyone is saying nice things to him and he loves it! But then someone sits him on a chair and asks what's inside his mind right now and he screamed "I LIKE FLUFFY DOGS" on live TV. Wine is ready to kill you and you are quite ready to die, but then everyone loves it and "Aaaaaaw~" him. He's just too cute for this world. He's going to be fine.

[takeachillpillshawty]

Here's a part 2 with my personal headcannons.

A\n: these are headcannon these are not cannon to the story what so ever. Thanks

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

Listens to Mitsuki

Loves spongebob, Mr. Crabs made him the man he is today.

Mentally ill gay theatre kid. # 2

When Azul was a first year he researched what people or humans find attractive, and poof! Octavinelle's dorm uniform. But, the funny thing about his glasses, he wore fake glasses to look smart ya know, that backfired quickly.

Jade: hmmm, I didn't know you wore glasses Azul.

Azul: oh, no they are for show. I'll have you know I have great eyesight!

Jade: okay....can you read that poster for me?

Azul:....ok.....

Jade: well?

Azul: ........Jade...don't laugh.

Jade grinning: yes.

Azul: the...the poster is blurry.

Jade: good to know. Booking you an eye appointment now.

Azul: please don't Floyd.

Jade told Floyd.

Floyd never let Azul live it down.

" So...You fucked up you eyes because you wanted to look cool? " " SHUT UP! GET BACK TO WORK! "

Probably sucked in his gut and looked in the mirror flexing his musles. Jade walked in many times.

Azul shirtless looking in the mirror: aww yes. Look at you, sexy. The hoes gonna love this.

Jade walking in: Azul, I got your laundry.

Azul putting his shirt on: GET THE FUCK OUT!

Was disgusted by somethings humans do, especially with their feet.

Probably got asked out for a joke. ( same man)

Leg cramps and toe stubs are the most painful thing he felt having human legs.

After his overbolt Yuu \ Yasty\ MC \ Y\N, being the person they are helped him with his body image.

Yuu(Yasty): Look Azul, you're a good looking guy.

Azul: but.

Yuu( Yasty): Azul let me show you something * pulls out phone*

Azul: what is that?

Yuu(Yasty): In my world, Like how you admire the Great Seven we have our own great seven. They are Sans, Nagito, The Onceler, Ingo, Black hat, Loki, and Bill.

Azul: A human in a suit, a skeleton, a triangle, another human- look what are you trying to say?

Yuu(Yasty): if people could find all of them attractive, there might be people who would find you attractive!

Azul: for my personality right?

Yuu(Yasty): for your overbolt form.

Azul: what. Why!

Yuu(Yasty): have you ever heard of the term, Monster fuckers?

Plays splatoon

C H U B B Y C H E E K S

Can't snap his fingers, how do you humans do it?!

Has fought Ruggie bare fist and knuckles during black friday deals. Update: he won, Jade got his potted mushroom and Floyd got his squishmellows.

Jade Leech

Play cookie run kingdom just for mushroom cookie, was jumping up and down like he won the lottery when mushroom cookie was announced for oven break. Azul and Floyd were low-key scared of his sudden out burst.

Has cursive writing, the one that looks like doctor writing.

Made Floyd and Azul remember the team rocket moto.

Octavinelle student running away from the tweels and Azul.

Student A: good I lost them.

Jade and Azul in team rocket attire.

Azul: prepare for trouble!

Jade: and make it double!

Azul: to protect the world from devastation!

Jade: to unite all people within our nation!

Azul: to denounce the evils of truth and love!

Jade: to extend our reach to the stars above!

Azul: Azul!

Jade: Jade!

Azul: team Octavinelle blast off at the speed of light!

Jade: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!

Floyd in a cat costume : Yeah, that's right!

Azul's therapist #1 ( number two is prefect-)

Also finds human things weird.

A mentally ill theatre kid questioning their sexuality.

Would purposely sneak up behind you and wait for you to turn around, then boom! Jade Jumpscare. Most people think he can teleport, No Jade just like scaring people.

Tried the " which twin is which" with student as a joke, at the end of the day he realise SOME people genuinely don't find a different between the two.

Floyd Leech

Menace, evil man, stinky boi. I love him.

Adhd

Due to his...nature he is banned from the following: every dorm except Diasomnia, Octavinelle, and sometimes Scarabia, school after hours, RSA, McDonald, the state of Florida, Ohio and Twitter.

Banned from playing his playlist on the Monstro lounge speakers, ( the daycare theme from fnaf security breach was funny the two times. PLEASE STOP.)

List of songs he's banned from playing: CPR, Squidward nose, cbat, any song from spattoon, never gonna give you up, world star, gansta paradise, the cursed howl moving castle theme, cpr x misery x Reese puff, baby shark, the lollipop song, welcome to the black parade, any heavy metal, Wii theme, the daycare theme, Monster Inc theme

Spelt his name wrong until he was 12, No Floyd just be cause phone sounds like an f when said doesn't mean your name starts with a P. Now stop spelling it as Ployd.

Low-key wanted a little brother or sister.

Man single handedly made Riddle write more rules for Floyd's bafoonary .

Has delayed reactions, like those babies who falls down takes a few minutes and cry.

Has terrible taste in food and clothing part 2. Got banned from Pomifoire for wearing crocks with socks, with tiger print tights and a Garfield t shirt. Vil died a bit that day.

Has one of the most intense patty cake fight? With Jade.

It was a sunny afternoon in Octavinelle and the tweets were bored business was slow, so that has a patty cake match.

Floyd: aww, common just one match for old time sake.

Jade: Floyd, you know how competitive we can be.

Floyd with puppy eyes: pleasssse.

Jade: fine, you start.

Jade and Floyd prepared their hands as Floyd started

Floyd : mama, mama, I feel sick call the doctor quick quick quick, sister fell down don't show a frown, she'll feel better, but if you laugh you might get a smack, starting right now.

They both kept the rythm, going faster. Not a single word said.

Azul curious walked in seeing the situation.

'Oh no' he thought as he looked at the intense match in front of him, the tweels while bodies frozen of that of a statue arms and hands kept moving at a alarming rate. Not even blinking.

Jamil, soon walked in: hey can I borrow.

Azul covered Jamil's mouth as he points at the twins.

Azul: they are linking their brain cells together for this match.

I will lose it if he doesn't have a Brooklyn or New Yorken accent in the English dub.

Throws a hissy fit if he doesn't get what he want.

Aail tired of Floyd's shit: WHAT IS THE JIGGLE JIGGLE SKIN?!

Floyd being a menace: glizzy~

Azul: that's it! Now I'm not giving it to you for that!

Floyd: give me it. NOW!

Azul: IM NOT GIVING IT TO YOU!

Floyd: you're gonna make me scream loud as fuck!

Azul: I GUESS I AM!

Floyd: grrrrr!

Azul: GET LOUDER!

Floyd: grRRAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Azul: I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU SCREAM I'M NOT GIVING IT TO YOU!

Floyd: MEOW!MEOW! AAAAARGHAH!

Jade: * humming to the tune of No surprises while cleaning*

Bit someone.

Can contort his body to do weird shit. Imagine the bitch walking like that girl from the ring to you at full speed! God help you if he on the ceiling.

Kalim Al- Asim

Got to get it off my chest. He counts with his fingers.

Cries when doing math home work with Jamil.

Plays pokemon. Loves hau and hop.

Watched the Pokemon anime with Jade and Idia.

Can sleep through anything but Jamil just saying his name makes him jump out of bed.

Kid with Autism and ADHD.

Please don't sneak up on him, man got reflexes.

Floyd: hey sea otter-

Kalim thinking it's a kidnapper: * Flips Floyd over*

Floyd blinks a few times then cries.

Kalim: OH! GOSH! FLOYD! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!

Likes using specific forks and spoons when eating.

Jamil: here you go Kalim.

Kalim: ......

Jamil: What?

Kalim:.... The spoon.

Jamil: what.

Kalim: Jamil! You know I don't use the big spoons for pudding!

Jamil: Ohfortheloveof. Here.

Kamil: yesh!

Either has an accent or not.

ruggies wallet

Sings in the shower.

I love Kalim but he'd be that kid that would always wanted to show you something.

Kalim at a playground approaching Yuu\Y\N: Hey! Hey! Wanna see how fast I can go on the monkey bars?!

* goes on monkey bars and falls off*

Kalim running back: wanna see me do it again?

Squishy cheeks

Not affected by horror movies that much. Will vomit or pass out to gore movies.

Legit cried for five minutes knowing the man isn't real.

Jamil Viper

Help this man. Needs a break.

Has a " tired older brother and annoying little brother" dynamic with Kalim.

Shares cooking tips with Trey.

Has special incense for stress relief he burns in his room.

Drinks black coffee.

Repressed anger issues.

Tired McDonald's employee

" I'm not depressed, but if God says it's my time to go, its my time to go."

The dorm have a code for Jamil, for when there is a bug in a certain room of the dorm, because that bitch will burn all of scarabia down for a spider. ( I mean same)

Hates the " Is it cake?" Show. He can't look at regular food any more.

Doesn't want anyone in the kitchen when he's working.

Insomnia, due to the paranoia of keeping Kalim safe from assassins.

[hangezoeenthusiast]

Minecraft

m!reader

pronouns:he/him

fluff

person: sapnap (im not going to use his real name, since he is uncomfy with people using it)

words: 1530

warnings: cursing, yelling

you were at sapnap's house on his bed, watching him stream and play minecraft. he was trying to speedrun minecraft. "hey babe, what'cha doing?" he asked. "just watching you." you replied.

"you wanna come over here?"

"but what about the face cam."

"chat could give less of a shit, or i too."

"ok then babe, let me just get some water."

you went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, then went back to the room. you grabbed one of sapnap's extra chairs and sat next to him. "hey chat, how you doing." chat spammed y/n so many times, you could barely see anything else in there.

"hey my boyfriend, how you doing." a dono said

"im doing good y/nismyboyfriend, good name btw, how are you?"

"heyyyy, your MY boyfriend." sapnap whined. "it's ok baby, im yours and your mine." chat spammed simp, then sapnap buried his head in your heck. "y/nn, make chat stop bullying me." "chat stop bullying my WONDERFUL boyfriend." you emphasized.

after that little situation, you just sat in your chair, zoned out, and just watched. "babe, hey babe, baby are you ok?" sapnap asked. you jumped at the sound of his voice, "sorry, i zoned out, what were you saying." "damn, im not that important to you then that you zoned out." sapnap pouted. "oh shut up you big baby."

"excuse me, don't make me fight you bitch." "sapnap, do you realize i took karate as a kid right?" "that was years ago." "so sapnap, i can still beat your ass with a blindfold." he looked shocked and amazed at the same time. "ok then." he said shyly.

you looked content (like this face 😏), "so what you needed sapnap?' "oh yeahhh, do you want to play minecraft on here?" you were absolutely shit at minecraft, you already tried once, you weren't going to try again. (flashback to the conversation you had with sapnap the first time you ever played minecraft)

"sapnap, how do you move on this thing, this is so complicated" "it's just because your a boomer y/nnn, here, its wasd." "EXCUSE ME SIR IM NOT A BOOMER, APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW." "NO I WON'T APOLOGIZE, YOU APOLOGIZE." "WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY SORRY, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WRONGED ME." "AHHHHHH" you guys are so weird :/ /j

"no, im not, im shit at it, you made fun of me plenty of times, no, no times infinity." "come on baby, that was what, like 1 time." "YEAH, ONE TIME TO MANY." "pwease, for me." he whispered. you looked at his pouty face and didn't crack (MOMMA DIDNT RAISE NO SOFTY /j). "ok then, but the second you make fun of me, i will beat you up so bad that-" sapnap interrupted you, "THANK YOU SO MUCH BABE, but i wont guarantee that i won't make fun of you." he got up, put you in his chair, and standed behind you. "now y/n, the last time you played, you sucked absolute balls, so NOW i will guide you through everything, yaknow, be your sensei." you made a straight face, and looked behind you, seeing him look at you as well.

you had a staring contest. both eyes were locked, eyes squinting, trying to withstand the others. his blinked first, "YES I WON, WHAT'CHA GONNA DO SNAPCHAT, WHAT'CHA GONNA DO?"

"just forget everything that happened in the last 10 seconds, let's do this thing." he guided you towards everything, like moving around, crafting, fighting zombies and skeletons, and even breaking blocks. you were doing fairly well, but there was one, no two, no three things you absolutely sucked shit at that you HAD to master. one was mlg watering, two was building a nether portal, and the last was fighting the ender dragon.

you goal was to beat the game and make new records ;), well, you did, but not without some challenges.

1. mlg water

you crafted a bucket and went to the nearest river/sea. you filled up the water bucket. "hey sapnap, what do we do next?" "next, my darling y/n, we shalt try to mlg." "so what do we do?" "we first, tower up." you pulled out your stacks of blocks, and stacked all the way up to the sky. "so what do i do next?"

"so pull out your water bucket, and then when you almost hit the ground, place the water on you." you jumped of the tower, and failed mlg. it was so ridiculously bad, that goddamn satan wouldn't let you in hell for that little stunt. "NOOO, WHAT THE FUCK, I PLACED IT BELOW ME." "You didn't do it good enough." "SHUT THE FUCK UP SAPNAP."

2. nether portal

obviously if you failed mlg, you would SUCK at making nether portals. "since you fucking sucked at mlg, lets try making a nether portal, it's kinda easier, but still hard. so what you do is make that shape there" "oh no, do it there." "nooo y/n, you're doing it wrong, do it that way."

you made a nether portal, but you obviously messed up, there was cobblestone everywhere. you pickaxed it, but that didn't come with a good thing. "NOOOO, FUCK, WHY WAS THERE LAVA." yeah, that's right, under the cobblestone was lava, and you fell in it, barely salvaging any of your items. well that attempt went horribly

3. ender dragon

after getting to the nether, getting blaze rods and converting them into blaze powder, trading with hoglins to get ender pearls, not having enough ender pearls from the hoglins, killing endermen and dying from them while getting ender pearls, crafting eye of enders, finding the stronghold, placing the eye of enders in the stronghold frame, while dying along the way, you finally got into the end.

finally all this suffering and mocking from sapnap would end, and you would finally beat the game. but, obviously, with you having little to no minecraft skills, it came with A BUNCH of problems, like destroying the crystals, making sure you wouldn't anger endermen, avoiding the dragon of dealing damage to you, and flying into the void.

1. destroying the crystals

sapnap ordered you, "use your bow to destroy the crystals." you aren't and weren't no minecraft god, so you couldn't destroy all the crystals, but you did one of them tho 👍

so he gave you another try, to use blocks to climb the side of the pillars, and destroy the crystals that way. you died, to put it shortly and bluntly. "AHHHH," you screamed. you got exploded by the crystals. that happened with EVERY. SINGLE. CRYSTAL you happened to try to destroy.

but eventually, you destroyed all the crystals.

2. endermen

after you destroyed the crystals, you had the task off not angering the endermen by eye contact. that went horribly wrong. sapnap had the courage to tell you that you couldn't look them in the eyes, and that you would anger them if you would. "WHY ARE THEY CHASING ME," you shouted. "y/nn calm down, just kill the ones that are angry at you."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ALMOST ALL OF THEM ARE CHASING ME." you overaggerated. "no, it's almost 3 dude, just kill them."

you killed them, and then you had the task of the dragon.

3. the dragon dealing damage

sapnap took control of shooting the dragon in the air with the bow and arrows. when the dragon would come down to the middle, you would hit their head (im doing the enderdragon as nonbinary, yaknow, they are a lesbian, nonbinary lesbians are vaild :D).

4. the void

the last thing you had trouble with in the end was the void. the darkless pit that leads to nothing except death. the dragon was throwing you around like a little puppet, you doing nothing except being flung around the place. "FUCK, FUCK YOU DRAGON," you screeched. the dragon was getting on your last nerve.

after all the trouble,and death, you finally beat the dragon. "YESSS, YESS, FUCK YOUR DRAGON, SUCK ON MY 10 IINCH DICK." sapnap cheered you on through your little victory speech. "bye chat, imma stop streaming now, since it has been 6 hours, we need to go to sleep." "bye, chat, love you guys."

you and sapnap ended the stream, feeling exhausted. you went to do your skin care routine, and found sapnap waiting for you in bed. "how was the stream y/n, did you enjoy it?" "yeah, i enjoyed it, only the dying part i hated."

"it's ok, babe, we can try it another time, maybe next time you won't die as much, at least you made a new record."

"what record sap?"

"the record of dying the most in minecraft." you slapped him around his head, not finding his joke funny. "hey, don't hit me, i'm fragile."

"sorry you big baby." you responded. you both got under the blanket, and snuggled (i don't know why, but the word snuggled is enchanting), huddling together, and basking in each others warmth. even if you died 4,234 times in minecraft, at least you had your favorite person at your side while doing it.

[braverynight]

Incorrect Quotes Ft. The Warriors and Mages Squad! (Snorpy, Chandlo, Riamam and Pylaar)

Chandlo: That's greatly offensive to my people.

Pylaar: College dropouts?

Pylaar: We need to open this locked door. Riamam, give me your credit card.

Riamam: Here.

Pylaar, pocketing it: Thanks. Chandlo, break down the door.

Chandlo: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Snorpy: Yes.

Chandlo: I love you.

Snorpy: It back.

*Later*

Riamam: Why is Chandlo crying face-down on the floor?

Riamam: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.

Snorpy: That is not something you actually have installed.

Riamam: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

*playing twister*

Snorpy: Right hand red.

Riamam: *ends up on top of Pylaar*

Pylaar: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Snorpy: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Pylaar: How do you want your coffee?

Riamam: Black, like my soul.

Pylaar:

Pylaar: Riamam, your soul is a latte.

Pylaar: Look at the buns on that guy!

Snorpy: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*

Chandlo: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!

Pylaar: I'm not going back to jail!

Chandlo: HELP! I TOLD SNORPY I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Riamam, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Chandlo: Would you take a bullet for me?

Snorpy: ...yes?

*Riamam angrily burst into the room*

Chandlo: *running away* Great, thanks!

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Riamam, with Chandlo and Pylaar behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

Riamam: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

Riamam: Snorpy FUCKING FELL OFF!

Chandlo: Pylaar is not allowed to decide which one of us is the chosen one.

Snorpy: Some people are like slinkies.

Pylaar: What?

Snorpy: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Pylaar:

Pylaar: Please don't push Riamam down the stairs.

Snorpy, pushing Riamam down the stairs: Too late.

Riamam: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

Pylaar, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Snorpy: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Pylaar: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Riamam, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Snorpy: You're a bad influence.

Pylaar: And you don't know your sayings.

Riamam: Do dragons fart fire?

Snorpy: I don't know.

Riamam: I thought you went to college.

Riamam: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

Chandlo: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

Riamam: I like the way you think.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Pylaar: I choose to waive that right!

Pylaar: *screaming*

Snorpy: Who hurt you?

Riamam: *snorting* What, do you want a list?

Snorpy: ...Yes, actually.

Chandlo: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?

Pylaar: It’s not water.

Chandlo: Vodka! I like your sty-

Pylaar: It’s vinegar.

Chandlo: …What?

Pylaar: It's vinegar, PUSSY.

*At a bank teller window*

Riamam, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!

Snorpy: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

Riamam: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*

Snorpy: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

Pylaar: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Snorpy: Yesterday, I overheard Chandlo saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Riamam replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Riamam: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?

Pylaar: Fake?

Chandlo: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Riamam: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Chandlo: You don’t have to wear…

Riamam: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Pylaar: This is getting embarrassing.

Riamam: Getting? We’re already there!

Riamam: Hey.

Snorpy: Hey?

Riamam: I can't sleep. :/

Snorpy: I can. Goodnight.

Chandlo: Where's Riamam?

Snorpy: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Snorpy, shouting: Pylaar sucks!

Riamam, distantly: Pylaar is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Snorpy: Found them.

Pylaar, watching Chandlo do something stupid: Riamam, you're officially only the second highest risk here.

Riamam: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—

Pylaar: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.

Chandlo: What if people had food names and food had people names?

Riamam: Hey, spaghetti, we’re having Chandlo for dinner.

Snorpy: What is wrong with you people?

Pylaar: Shut up, chocolate.

Riamam: honk.

Pylaar: WHAT.

Riamam: HONK.

Pylaar: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

Riamam: So how’s the food Pylaar made?

Snorpy: It's great! Compliments to them.

Riamam: *goes to the kitchen*

Riamam: You're adorable.

Pylaar: *blushes*

Snorpy: Riamam just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

Chandlo: Riamam, I am questioning your sanity...

Snorpy: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

Riamam, setting down a card: Ace of spades.

Chandlo, pulling out an Uno card: +4.

Pylaar, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!

Snorpy, trembling: What are we playing?!

Chandlo: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.

Pylaar: Uh, Snorpy and Riamam are not getting along.

Chandlo: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Pylaar: You may have a point.

[subwalls]

okay, so. opinions now.

1. hbomb’s hitw glitch.

IF this is the auto-jump glitch: they were told not to do it, and the practice server leaderboard was wiped for it, and that should have been a clear message to cease and desist. should’ve known better, that kind of thing. however, it’s clear to me that h was a passive player in this case and didn’t mean to phase through walls (except by the normal spacebar spam) with a specific glitch, so i don’t blame him for taking advantage of it and winning. like, i don’t expect him to throw himself off the edge the moment that he thinks something’s weird.

i also don’t expect the event to replay the whole game for h’s glitch; they don’t know it would’ve fixed it (since it remained through all 3 rounds). it’s like wilbur’s glitch! it’s scuffed, but it’s not like it requires a reset or anything.

so. it is not h’s fault, and i did not expect mcc to restart hitw. not anyone’s fault, honestly. just an oops!

2. ace race shenanigans.

look. i don’t really hate the map that much.

yeah it was confusing, yeah the arrows were unfortunately pointed together in a circle, yeah most of the participants ended up walking around in circles for a minute and some people recovered faster than others. but that was everyone, and it was funny, honestly, and i was cool with it. and like, after the first round, you should know the route and stick with it. (this is a gnf callout: sir, you did the course once, why did you fuck up the second lap that bad?? /lh)

HOWEVER.

one person was not only not confused by the course, but he knew the meat of it beforehand.

scott smajor, my beloved. he had an unfair advantage, and it does soil his win.

no, listen to me: i love scott, he’s great! and i’m not that upset about it, but i feel like it’s valid to view him with some criticism. he did have an unfair advantage, he did have knowledge that no other participant did (and then proceeded to share it with his team, which redoubles the advantage in his favor), and clearly there was not enough of an update before and after his testing/input to the point where he could literally guide his team through not only ace race but also warn them about tgttosawaf. he talks about skeletons long before anyone could see them, for example.

look. it sucks, it’s dumb, but it’s not malicious. scott didn’t “““rig”““ the event in his favor or anything, he (and noxcrew) just didn’t think about it. he was just doing his best, with advantages he shouldn’t have had.

they should’ve thought about it! but they didn’t. oops! block game not perfect. that how it be.

... so what? well, my issue with this is that... this is actually fixable.

rerun the game. everyone knows better now, and scott’s advantage has been neutralized (for the most part). that would’ve fixed it!

so why didn’t they?

3. conclusion

mcc HATES restarting games.

i knew they weren’t gonna do it. yeah, the chat was screaming for a rerun, but here’s the thing: that’s happened before. glitches and unexpected advantages are going to be given a blind eye, and this is just going to happen.

mcc only ever restarts a game when it is literally impossible for a good chunk of participants to play the game. when dream gets slapped with an iron door? nope! when wilbur gets the rocket spleef glitch? nope!! when ace race always has the silly little trident glitch? nope!!!! all of the other previous events when people have glitched through hitw? nope!!!!!!

but when everyone blew themselves up in battle box and thus half of the participants literally could not play the game?

THEN, and only then, did they restart it.

their level of tolerance is very, very high. i think it should be lower. i think that when an error occurs to a majority of the participants and restarting the game would definitely fix it, then yeah, they should switch it. it shouldn’t require half the participants to be literally incapacitated for them to restart.

but that’s a personal opinion tbh lmao

anyway. mcc my beloved is still the best and most favorite event beloved by both viewers and participants. scott smajor did an oops, but it’s not that awful. it’s just tiny yike, not a big WOW THIS SUCKS, you know?

also, aqua was a wonderful team that had a good chance of winning from the start, but all of the unfortunate accidents that swung everything additionally in their favor made it... kind of meh that they won under those circumstances. but it was still fine overall, and i’m excited for the next one!

[florenceandthemachine]

sleeping in the same room with buck is proving to be extremely annoying to eddie because at 2am, they'll be trying to sleep and buck will randomly start singing this is halloween from the damn nightmare before christmas and it's the middle of fucking june, and the only way eddie can get him to stop is to kiss him (for the first time)

“Wait, what do you mean you’ve never seen Toy Story?”

Eddie’s voice is in a weird balance of shock and accusatory, the tone making Buck squirm a little on the couch. Chris had all but conned (well, not really, Buck was just a sucker who didn’t know how to say no) Buck and Eddie into a movie night to start off what was affectionately being called ‘birthday week’. 

After all, it wasn’t every day that your kid turned ten. Double digits were a big deal—Buck may not know the Toy Story, but even he knows that. 

“I don’t know, no? We weren’t really a Disney family growing up.” 

“How is that possible?? You’re basically a Disney prince!”

Eddie has that look on his face, the one he gets whenever Buck tells him something that he thought was normal about his childhood—it’s a combination of sad, and desperate, and a little angry, though Buck can’t figure out why—but he has figured out that defending his childhood doesn’t usually go as well as he hoped.

(“I had food and shelter. What more could I ask for?” Buck asks, one particularly exasperating night, after Eddie gives him that look again. Eddie’s response is so soft, Buck almost misses the “So much more.”)

So they watch Toy Story. It’s not a bad movie, at least. It’s... nicely made. He definitely doesn’t feel his entire body tighten up as the toys strap themselves to a rocket and race after a moving truck. And in no way does he breathe a sigh of relief when they fall through the sunroof. 

The movie was nice, but the bet part of the evening is, by far, Chris falling asleep against his arm. It didn’t register immediately—he just put his arm around Chris instinctively to keep him comfortable—but as the credits roll, Buck can’t help but smile as he looks down. Somewhere in between gently pulling Chris’ glasses off and scooping the little man into his arms, he catches Eddie’s gaze, and he actually feels his breath catch in his throat. 

Because the look on Eddie’s face fills Buck with want. Buck’s seen it before—the soft, dreamy look that Eddie gets more often than not when Buck and Chris interact with one another—but lately, he’s been noticing it more and more, when Chris is nowhere around, at work, on calls, when they’re just hanging out, and it’s dangerous enough that Buck catches himself seeking it out.

Which is a terrible idea, really, one that would only end poorly for him. 

Buck clears his throat to break the spell, nodding to the crutches that Chris left by the couch as Eddie jumps up. “Wanna grab those, and we can get little man to bed?”

Eddie doesn’t know when Chris and Buck fell so in synch with one another, but it lifted a weight on his heart that he didn’t even know was there, knowing that even though Chris didn’t trust easily, he could still trust those that deserved it. He followed Buck’s lead as they got to his room, and had to literally grab onto the doorframe to steady himself as Buck tucked Chris in and kissed his forehead. 

Wishing Buck a goodnight was never easy, but somehow that night was harder than it had ever been. Eddie wanted to reach out, to tell him to wait, to stay, but all he could do was swallow and smile and wave when Buck pulled out of the driveway.

--

Unfortunately, fires did not wait for birthday weeks, and Eddie and Buck were both stuck on an overnight shift a few days later. The beginning of the shift had started out easily enough—back to back calls could keep anyone busy—but Buck felt himself lagging as the night wore on. 

Around three AM, Eddie swooped in and saved him, as he had a knack of doing. Pulling Buck into the media room, he all but dragged him over to the couch, picking a DVD off of the shelf and putting it in as he claimed his space next to Buck. As soon as the Disney castle became clear in the opening credits, Buck snorted, turning toward Eddie as he rose his brow. 

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Chris said Disney would be good for you. If I don’t at least try to fill this apparently horrendous gap in your life, I’m not sure he’ll ever speak to me again.” Eddie said defensively, raising his hands in surrender as Buck laughed. It was always nice to know that Eddie was a full grown man who was so totally bent to the whims of his son. 

More dads could be like that, Buck thought. 

He had to admit, though, he definitely didn’t expect what was coming next. While Toy Story had been emotional, the Lion King was kind of a fucking wreck, hitting him with sucker punches left and right in the first half hour of the movie. 

“What the fuck.” Buck actually found himself whispering as the dust cleared, only to be confronted with Mufasa’s whole fucking corpse, because apparently that passed for okay in a G rated kids movie in the 90′s. “Eddie, what the actual fuck!” he said again as Simba entered the scene, not entirely proud of how his voice cracked. 

Eddie must have heard it too, because the movie was immediately paused, Eddie giving him a concerned once-over before he had to actually hide a smile, the bastard. “Eddie, it’s not funny! This is fucked up! How is this a kids movie!” Buck hissed, reaching out to shove Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie did laugh at that, even if it was a quiet one, and Buck found himself smiling in spite of himself. 

“You want me to continue the movie, or do you need a break?” Eddie teased, but Buck could see it for what it was, an easy out. Waving his hand as he wiped at his cheeks, he sunk deeper into the couch, watching as the scene continued. He didn’t realize how close he had been to Eddie until the other male spoke, voice low in the darkness. “You know, whenever something like this gets to Christopher, he usually lets me hold his hand... just a thought.”

Buck almost laughed at the absurdity of the offer until he turned and faced Eddie head on, the words dying in his throat as he saw just how... soft Eddie looked. The trace of teasing was long since gone, the only proof that he had spoken were the way his lips were slightly parted, and Buck felt color rise in his cheeks once again as he shrugged. 

“Well... I suppose that would be alright. If you do it for Chris, anyway.” he murmured, letting himself move a little closer to Eddie, their shoulders and arms flush against the soft fabric of the cushion beneath them. He felt a shiver dance along his spine as Eddie gently brushed his thumb over Buck’s wrist, never breaking eye contact, and Buck could feel himself drawn in, moving in closer, until—

—until he jumped about a foot in the air as the siren went off, awake and more high-strung than ever as Eddie doubled over laughing.

(The call was a false alarm—and as annoying as that was, when they got back to the firehouse and finished the movie, Eddie didn’t let go of him until they were off the clock that morning. So, Buck reasoned, it wasn’t all bad.)

--

Chris had all but begged to have a sleepover the night before his birthday, and who was Buck to say no?

Granted, he thought that Chris would be inviting his friends over, like, friends from school, and not just Buck, but... that was fine by him. 

(Eddie was a gracious host, at least—he seemed to realize how weird Chris’ request was, and he had given Buck about ten outs at work before Buck had easily shut him up. They had been... flirting? For lack of a better word, for the past few days, and Buck wasn’t afraid to use that to his advantage.

“Eddie, are you telling me you don’t want me to come over and stay the night?” he asked, a grin spreading on his face as Eddie blushed, he actually blushed, and just like that, Buck knew he won that conversation.)

He figured he may as well move up the ranks in Chris’ friend group, so he showed up with pizza and soda, depositing his winnings onto the kitchen counter before joining his Diaz boys on the couch. “Alright, nearly birthday boy, what’s the movie pick for tonight?” he said with a grin, the juxtaposition of Chris’ answering smile and Eddie’s near grimace catching him for a loop. 

“Nightmare Before Christmas!” Chris almost shouted, as Eddie let out a sigh. “It’s his favorite movie.” he explained, making sure that Chris was looking forward before mouthing “I hate it.” Buck only barely managed to catch his laugh as he sat beside the pair, pizza at the ready. 

The movie wasn’t bad, honestly, but even then Buck could absolutely understand how Eddie suffered through the movie whenever Chris demanded. The kid was absolutely entrapped in the entire movie, from skeleton to Santa Claus (”Sandy Claws”, Chris corrected, and Eddie actually groaned). 

One good thing, though, was that the movie was short.

The bad thing about the movie was that meant Chris could ask to watch it again, and neither Buck nor Eddie could find it in their heart to say no. 

The other bad thing—the worst thing, even—was that no matter how hard Buck tried, even as Chris was tucked in and read to, he could not get some of the fucking songs out of his head. He didn’t know the words. Hell, he barely knew the tune. But that didn’t stop him from humming as he and Eddie got ready for bed. 

They were no strangers to sharing a bed—when you were on a twenty four hour shift, you slept where you could, and if that meant sharing a bed, it meant sharing a bed. At the very least, Eddie didn’t have a twin sized bunk. Buck also wasn't a stranger to death threats, which Eddie was full of the longer that Buck hummed.

“Buck, please.” Eddie groaned, one hand reaching over to smack Buck on the chest. “You’re cute and all, and I love how much you’re enjoying your Disney binge and I love that you’re having a good time but if you don’t shut up right now and get some sleep I will actually kill you.”

Needless to say, it works, though probably not for the reasons Eddie intended. Buck can almost feel Eddie drifting off again beside him when he clears his throat—ignoring Eddie’s groan—as he says “You think I’m cute, huh?”

Buck actually felt Eddie freeze for a minute before he rolled over, and the smug grin on Bucks’ face only grew as he came face to face with a scowling Eddie. 

“Yeah, I do. You got a problem with that?”

Buck’s smirk softened into an outright beaming grin, only encouraged as Eddie started to smile back at him. He brought his hand up to Eddie’s hip as they both moved closer together—Buck let his eyes close as he tugged Eddie chest to chest—and then they were kissing. 

It was soft, and it was sweet, and it was perfect. 

The best part, though was the blush that was painted across Eddie’s cheeks when Buck opened his eyes. He brought his hand up from Eddie’s hip to his cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Eddie was cute as fuck, and that was undeniable, but... Buck couldn’t help himself. 

He brought Eddie back into another kiss, painfully—unpleasantly—aware that a kiss was about as far as they would be able to go tonight, with an impatient Chris in the next room. 

That might have been part of the reason that Buck decided to open his mouth—the other reason was probably because he was a child at heart, and nothing would ever change that.

“You’re blushing, you’re blushing! I can’t believe my eyes.”

Eddie actually beamed for a moment, before realization clicked on his face, and he shoved Buck away, groaning as he covered his face with his hands.

“Buck, oh my GOD.”

[hollabackholmes]

THINGS IN ENDGAME (SPOILERS!!!)

-Jesus Christ that first scene with Clint punched me in the throat

-how aggressive nebula was playing games with tony

- The way nebula helped tony up into his seat :,)

- “only a little bit sadistic”

- the cinematography in the moment where Tony lays down and the galaxy is behind him my god

- “I lost the kid” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

- rocket?? Or Build a bear???

- did rdj lose weight for that first section of the film or am I just tripping?

-anyone else find it funny that thanos suddenly became a cook with a nice little home and garden????

- the rest of this list will definitely be all over the place because I can’t remember the order of things happening #soz

-I really liked how they included that LGBTQ+ relationship in that support group that Steve was in.

-Steve saying something really sweet (can’t remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of ‘you took the jump not knowing how far you’d fall’??? Or something??? Sorry I’m awful)

-Clint really does own my ass

-That scene where he was in Tokyo holy shit I would die for him

-“don’t give me hope” “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you sooner”

-Natasha crying after cutting a peanut butter sandwich is a MOOD

-NATASHA DOESNT GIVE UP STEVE OFCOURSE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE

- !!make that rat president 2020!!

-Scott is a cutie until you realise how much those past five years (hours for him) must’ve screwed with his mind.

-The way he searches the plaques 😥😥😥😥

- Time machine jokes

-Back to the future jokes

-Scott rushing to eat Nats sandwich

-CLINT LEANING AGAINST THE DOOR, FUCK ME WITH A RAKE

-HIS TATTOOS. I WANT THAT SHOT TO BE TATTOOED ON MY FACE

- Bruce the celeb

-“SAY GREEN! GREEN! Did you get that?” MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE HIM

-Scott feeling embarrassed that the kids don’t know who he is

- “look he’s even shaking his head” SCOTT

-I love this so much

-THOR🤯PLAYS🤯FORTNITE🤯

-ngl I’m Thor. I love beer. But shit...that belly.

-props to the prosthetics team for making that body suit look so realistic

-The way he walks into the avengers headquarters with his sunglasses on hahahaha

-HULK EATING BEN AND JERRIES IS ALSO A MOOD

-Scott being the test run for the whole time travelling stuff was such a good scene

-and then when Scott’s taco gets blown away:( but then Bruce gives him another one :,)

-“is he asleep?” “No, he’s dead” HAHA

-That scene with them all walking together big oof vibe

-Oh I forgot to say how amazing both Carols and Natasha’s hair is like damn ladies

-SEEING THE FIRST AVENGERS ASSEMBLE SEQUENCE OH MY GOD I SOBBED

-hulk being embarrassed

-hulk trying to get angry

-nebula and Rhodes watching Quill dance

-“this is the part where blades come out with skeletons on the end”

-nebula sacrificing her hand to get the stone :,) character development

-Thanos has a small dick for hurting nebula in both versions of her

-Felt weird seeing Gamora from before she became good??

-Bruce and the ancient one talking, I just really like that whole dynamic

-Tony as the security guard omfg

-LOKI BABY

-HAIL FUCKING HYDRA BABY

-STEVE VS STEVE BABYYYYY

-AMERICAS ASS BABYYYYYYYYY 😏😏😏

-Steve And tony going back in time again

-Tony and his dad. So sweet. Him talking about Morgan with him

-OH MY GODNI MISSED OUT A POINT ABOUT MORGAN

-SO BASICALLY IM IN LOVE WITH DAD!TONY AND I LOOOOVEEE YOUUUU 3000 IS THE CUTEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD

-Steve seeing Peggy :((

-I’m here for the whole ‘Judging-Tony’s-Beard’ thing

-Clint and Natasha.... I don’t wanna talk about this yet :(

-Thor and his mums interaction. Cute. The whole thing about being a failure and feeling like you need to be more is super super relatable idk I just felt very much like Thor in that scene

-okay I’m ready to talk about Clint and Natasha now. So basically I think Natasha died a heroes death. She was so ready to sacrifice herself for the greater good. What made it fuckin hurt though was the fact that Clint was ready to die because he didn’t want to see Natasha go through that death. He wanted to protect her. He even says later on ‘it should have been me’. So I think Natasha would be proud, but Clints gonna have to live with the memory of seeing his best friend die without being able to do anything about it.

- That whole thing about making sure her death was worth it uGH

-also Thor’s denial.... yeah. Same here bud.

-Thor begging Tony to let him do this one good thing :( I was sad :( super sad yall

-genuinely thought Bruce was about to die when he put the glove on

-THANOS IS A GIANT TWAT

-HULK ROCKET AND RHODES ALL HELPING EACHOTHER OUT

-Scott being the real hero out here again

-the fight

-holy shit the fight

-StEVE BEING ABLE TO USE THORS HAMMER

-“I knew it!!!”

-That whole sequence of him using the shield and the hammer. My thighs were trembling bitch.

-THEN WHEN YOU HEAR SAM AND THEN THE YELLOW RING AND EVERYONE FUCKING ARRIVES

-PETER MY BABY BOY YOU DID SO GOOD SWOOPING IN THEN

-DOCTOR STRANGE U HOT STUFF

-PEPPER HOLY SHIT

-EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST

-BUCKY

-THE WASP

-VALKYRIE

-EVERYONEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

-OMG WANDA WAS SUCH A BADASS

-THE TRANSFER OF THE GLOVE WAS SO GOOD AND THE WAY PETERS INSTANT KILL THING HAPPENED UGH SO GOOD

-DOCTOR STRANGE CONTROLLING THAT WATER DAMNNN

-THE FUCKING HUG BETWEEN PETER AND TONY DESTROYED ME. I LEGIT SOBBED OUT LOUD.

-“Hey Peter Parker. You got something for me?”

-THE GIRLS LINING UP SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE

-and now for the sad part my dudes

-doctor strange pointing one finger up. Tony knew. He just knew what he had to do.

-“I am iron man” YES YOU ARE.

-Peter sobbing “we won. Mr stark. We won. I’m sorry”

-Pepper coming to comfort Tony oh fuck i cried

-THE TAPE

-“I LOVE YOU 3000” IS WHAT IM GONNA GET TATTOOED ON ME OK

-“proof that Tony Stark has a heart” wow okay. Hit me deep then why don’t u

-the one shot of everyone at the funeral was so beautiful I loved it

-“your dad used to love cheeseburgers.... I’m gonna buy you all the cheeseburgers in the world” oh my god

-the goodbye between Steve and Bucky was perfect. I don’t care what you say. Bucky knew what was going to happen. And he allowed it because he knew Steve would be happy for a very long time.

-HOWEVER I felt like Bucky had so little screen time and the entire history between Steve and him felt so dead throughout the movie compared to how strong it has been over the past 11 years :(

-Sams panic because he thought he wouldn’t see Steve again :(

-Sam being given the shield :D

-Damn the CGI is so good in this film. Like Steve looked old but you could still see it was him. Which sounds dumb but so often, movies make it way too unrealistic to prove someone has aged. This did it just right.

-The ending scene wow. Beautiful.

-THE CREDITS WITH THE ORIGINALS AND THEIR SIGNATURES OOF!!!

-we all waited til the end of the credits just to be hit in the heart with the sound of Tony building his iron man suit.

-well thanks for going through this list :))

[amphtaminedreams]

Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 Plus a Little Jacquemus: Okay, Dior DID Suck (Part 2/2)

Hi to anyone reading,

First of all, thank you! I have never had a post do as well as the part 1 of my haute couture week review did and I am so overwhelmed with the positive feedback. This is probably funny to read for those of you getting thousands of reblogs on your posts, me acting like I won an academy award because I got a couple of hundred, but honestly I don’t expect any traction when I write on here (it’s basically just me word vomiting everything I’m thinking as if people want to hear it aka. mouthing off into what I thought was the void) so if you did read it, thank you! I do spend a long-ass time on these so it means a lot:-)

I’ll leave the self-indulgent ramble there though as it’s probably not what you came for and jump straight into part 2 of my thoughts, starting with Jacquemus. Yeah, I knew what I was doing when I tagged that in my last post. Simon Porte Jacquemus is the man of the *fashion* people right now; I’ve even found myself coming round to the Le Chiquito bag despite my original thought being “well, that’s fucking useless”. I know, I know, technically it’s not haute couture; it was part of Men’s Fashion Week, but it happened around the same time and everyone was talking about it on Twitter, so I feel like I have to include it.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of Bottega Veneta’s last RTW show, in that, especially with the women’s outfits, we seem to be sticking with simple, fitted garments and chunky, more statement jewellery. I’ve got to say I like the styling here a lot more though, and in general I’m a fan of this collection. The collared tops with cut outs underneath blazers are cool and I can’t wait until it gets warm enough for me to not feel dumb wearing my headscarfs like this; there’s a LOT of summer outfit inspiration. It’s not a mind-blowing collection or anything but it is effortlessly sexy and that’s something I wish I could say about myself. Most of us can only hope to look half as good as these models do whilst making the effort but at least Jacquemus is aspirational, lol. 

I also fucking adore this colour palette. I’m sick of neutrals literally just meaning brown and white; the navy, sand and muted khaki is a fresh edition to what is usually interpreted as the colours you’d seen worn by Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff and only Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff. And I mean, come on-what is more neutral than typical English school carpet blue.

Next for the whole reason I had to make this haute couture week review 2 separate posts: Jean Paul Gaultier’s final show.

In the best way possible, it’s a lot. I don’t even really know where to start, except to say that I guess this is a fitting last show; a celebration of everything campy, messy, weird, performative, and punk is the perfect send off for a brand whose best known perfume of the last few years is called Scandal. More than anything, the final show represented the range of characters and cultures that have influenced JPG throughout his half-a-decade-long career, the lines that supposedly separate what is “masculine” and “feminine”, “old” and “young” and ultimately art and fashion blurred in the most exaggerated way possible. Sure, there are some looks which are individually a bit messy here but the way they were grouped into almost chapter-like segments meant that when you see them all together, they work. Nods to the patterns and structures that recurred from season to season were sprinkled throughout, from sailor stripes to corsets to the expected whirlwinds of colour. I’ll even allow the wellies in that one outfit; if I can get over bucket hats in Peter fucking Pilotto’s last RTW show, I can get over some questionable shoes here. Middle aged fishermen and boys who liked to pose with monster carp in their Tinder pictures as some weird display of masculinity everywhere rejoice.

Now onto a show that I personally found slightly disappointing: Margiela.

I think this one is a bit TOO weird for me. Like if you’re gonna go avant-garde, go all out. Chiffon gimp masks (I don’t know if that’s the intention here but that’s what I’m getting, sorry Maison) are something I’m not particularly fond of and I’ve never been a fan of the Tabi boots in the first place, let alone when they’ve seemingly been blown up to Michelin man style proportions. I didn’t find the show to be a total lost cause-I enjoyed the colour palette and I’ve always liked that contrast stitching detail, plus the bowler hats are interesting-but on the whole considering how much I liked the last RTW show, this is a bit of a let down. 

The looks I included are salvageable but (I feel mean saying this) there were genuinely a lot of pieces that did just resemble bits of fabric draped over each over with no discernible rhyme or reason, so much so that they reminded me of some of the monstrosities I saw at a Drag Race pub quiz this one time where we had 5 mins to make some garms out of loo roll and then have a team member model them for points down a makeshift runway. 

Ralph and Russo was alright. There were a few pieces that I really liked but again, I can’t help but compare this collection to the last, where it felt like the fussy details of bows and sequins and feathers and the Barbie Dreamhouse palette were utilised with a direction in mind. Here, I don’t get that. As ever, the gowns are gorgeous and I’d pay good money just to try one on for five minutes but as an overall collection I’d say there was a lack of higher vision, which is probably the snobbiest sentence I’ve ever written so forgive me.

As for Ronald Van Der Kemp, I could’ve done without including it to be honest, if it weren’t for the few pieces I’m in love with: the velvet cape, fur trimmed jacket and blue satin dress are probably my favourite pieces here.

So onto a collection I liked a lot more: Schiaparelli. 

The influence of nature from flowers in bloom to insects to the organic structure of the human skeleton is as present as ever, though this collection includes a lot more delicate symbolism than usual. Honestly, the details make it for me; the brooches, earrings and facial jewellery are other-worldly touches to outfits that could otherwise be simple fashion magazine editor on-the-go. That’s not in itself a bad thing! The suits are gorgeous. I mean, I’m talking fashion editor in New York in a power suit yelling orders down the phone while she rushes along with a coffee. A Miranda Priestley in the making type woman. THAT’S a modern take on the divine feminine that Maria Grazia should’ve been going for; our goddesses aren’t women who sit around looking pretty (though that helps too) and place curses on mere mortals anymore, they’re women who get shit done. 

With regards to Valentino, which was also a delight, let me start by saying this colour palette is EVERYTHING. It’s ugly sisters in Cinderella fantastic, and we know those 2 were the real fashion icons really. Other than that, I adore the Old Hollywood silhouettes from the gloves to the Liz Taylor-in-Cleopatra-level-dramatic earrings. Everything is opulent and expensive-looking and pretty much what we’ve all come to expect from Valentino. A strong 8/10.

For me personally, Viktor and Rolf was a standout and one of my favourite collections of haute couture week. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I know it’s at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to what was probably my other favourite collection, Elie Saab, but this is just my style down to a T, the perfect balance of grungy and cutesy that I want to achieve. 

There’s probably going to be a lot of objections to the temporary face tattoos and I get that, but I think they’re fucking sick. I obviously wouldn’t get a permanent one lest my mother murder me in cold blood however if I did, you bet I would be pairing them with frilly-ass babydoll dresses that you could pick up in Camden Market like this. 

And last but not least (that would be Dior), there’s Zuhair Murad.

Sigh.

IDK, man. Seeing Zuhair Murad dresses on Tumblr and WeHeartIt (remember that site? It still exists!) as a 14 year old was one of the things that got me into fashion, so it sucks that almost every time a new collection comes around, I feel underwhelmed. Disappointingly, the brand hasn’t really progressed all that much since 2013. It goes without saying that the stoning and the embroidery and sequins are stunning and would make anyone feel like a princess but from a critical point of view, I’m just not seeing anything new here. Whereas I feel like Elie Saab, for example, reflected the growing fascination with East Asian fashion and recognition of the supremacy of the region’s street style in his haute couture last collection, Zuhair Murad seems to be stuck designing the same dresses he was 6 years ago. 

To pick one example, the rounded stoned necklines are so outdated that they’ve been making their way onto department store prom dresses for years. I get that it’s supposed to be a reference to Ancient Egyptian style and I respect that, I was one of those 8 year old that was obsessed with mummies and the “Curse of Tutankhamun”, but couldn’t it be done in a more interesting way? It’s Maria Grazia’s spin on Ancient Greece all over again. Now I get how how the I imagine very niche subsection of people who are into fashion and Julius Caesar (okay, so I don’t even know if they still believed in mythology and all that malarky at that point in history but just roll with my comparison here) might’ve felt going through Vogue Runway. Anyway, I hate to end on a critical note and so be clear, these are still absolutely magnificent dresses. If we ignore those ugly round necklines, that is.

So that’s it for this post! If you read part 1 and 2, I hope you enjoyed it! As always, let me know your opinions and feel free to disagree. I’m literally just about to start trawling through all the A/W 2020 RTW collections though I imagine that’s gonna take me way longer to do than this, so I wouldn’t expect that for a month or two. In the meantime, I’m trying to fit shooting a Euphoria-inspired lookbook into my days off work which is looking atm like it’s going to be the end of March, so look out for that, and also a review of the red carpet fashion from this season’s award shows. 

As ever, thank you so much for reading and again, thank you for the reception on part 1 if you were one of the people that read it. It makes staying up til 3am with the jitters seem worthwhile, lol! 

Lauren x

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 Challenge Day 30 - End

Summary: Well... Alistair’s dying again. At least this time, he took the Reapers out with him.

(Mentions of blood, some limb loss without description) 

---

Yep... he was dying alright. This was definitely the worse of his two deaths.

Alistair could barely groan as he lay there among the rubble, coughing up what was probably blood. It was hard to see then... one eye was definitely fucked up, possibly gone. Ironically it was the one he had lost the first time. Talk about things coming full circle.

At least the Child was gone.

Yes, there in the ruined Citadel chamber, he was finally alone. The conductor lay smoking in the distance when he had finally managed to shoot something from a distance. Things had gotten crazy after that... now he was laying in a pile of rocks, actively bleeding out.

And he had thought the crushing pressure of space was bad.

Somewhere nearby lay the modified body of the Illusive Man. Had he the strength to get up, he would've gone over to give the corpse a good kick. Then again... Anderson was close at hand too. He shouldn't see something like that.

Well... he would be joining him soon.

“Least it's over...”

Blood bubbled at his lips as he gazed up at the ceiling. It was starting to get hard to see – probably the blood loss. Either that or the massive ache at the base of his skull that could have only been a malfunctioning biotic amp about to blow. Part of him wanted to see what would kill him first. Either way, he was about to be the third body.

At least he would be the last body of the Reaper War.

Even though he couldn't see it, Alistair felt it. That one shot had ended it all. The Reapers had lost at last, after untold millennia of fucking up sentient species for the hell of it. They had lost to an idiot with limited depth perception, generalized anxiety, and an inability to control his blood sugar.

Take that, you synthetic fucks.

He coughed again – it was getting weaker now. His vision was starting to fade even more. Maybe he had a minute or two left before the end. Alistair wondered if he shouldn't have been more upset, but then again this wasn't his first time dying. He had been living on borrowed time... now it was his chance to return it.

His only regret was never getting to see Bo or Garrus again.

That hurt almost as much as his amp overloading. His last memories of either of them were on the chaos of the battle for Earth. Hell, for all he knew they were dead. The Reapers could have shot the Normandy down when they were evacuating and he just hadn't seen it.

If it had... well... he was in for some nasty words on the other side. At least he and Joker would be even at one death a piece.

“I wish I could've said more...”

It was getting harder to speak now. The overwhelming, unbearable pain in multiple parts of his body was starting to ebb away. No doubt about it, this was the end. All he could do was prepare for what was to come.

At least he closed his eyes. He had never liked coming upon bodies all splayed out, wide-eyed and staring at the living. It was kind of gross. Then again, Alistair doubted anyone was going to be able to find him before he was a skeleton.

Maybe that was for the best... bodies got kind of gross.

As his world went black and all feeling ceased, Alistair had one last thought. The sun was going to rise on Earth tomorrow. It was still there, even if he wasn't. They had managed to do what not even the Protheans could. It was over.

It was over... and so was he. So he let himself go, floating away to wherever he went the first time. At least this time, there were no Collectors.

---

The funny thing about dying was that it wasn't supposed to fucking hurt so badly.

'You aren't through yet.'

Shut the fuck up and let him die in peace... noisy ass ghost or god or whatever.

'Strange, you aren't normally this rude. Oh well... they're waiting for you.'

A haze of dull agony surrounded him like a blanket. Funny, the first time he had died it had been over rather quickly. One moment he was floating in the blackness of space as pressure crushed him like a tin can... and then he was waking up on a Cerberus base as it all went to hell.

…

Fuck you have GOT to be kidding him. Was he ever going to get to die in peace?

The first feeling he got back was the tips of his fingers. Toes came back too, not enough to wiggle but he felt the pain no matter what. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was get him some fucking pain medicine or finish killing him.

There was noise somewhere, he wasn't sure where. It sounded...

“Folks, it's the bottom of the 7th inning, the bases are loaded and the score is tied 5-5. Batting fifth for the Luna Bats is Luna colony's very own Jim O'Reilly.

Like a baseball game. And if he heard that score right, his Bats were tied with their best pitch hitter up!

“I can't believe he's fucking missing this.”

“So if he hits the ball and nobody catches it, that means they run around the squares and score?”

“Bases, Mandibles, I already explained it to you. Damn it, Al, you got me explaining baseball now.”

He knew those voices. They belonged to Bo and to Garrus. Unless they were all dead and watching baseball from the afterlife, then they were alive and well enough to complain. Given the fact his sister hated baseball... that was another point to him being alive.

That's a strike.”

“It's a ball, it was outside the box.” Another groan. “For fuck's sake.”

The count is now 3-2. And the pitch-

Alistair could feel his heart pump faster at the sound of a bat somewhere cracking when it made contact with the ball. He could picture it, flying far off into the center field stands and above the head of the outfielders.

And he was missing it...

“Fuck... it's a grand slam.”

Miracles did happen. Not only had they saved the universe from the Reapers, but his Bats had pulled a grand slam out of their ass.

By now, there was more feeling in his body. He couldn't move, not yet anyway. However, he was starting to get the feeling he could make his mouth move. It took effort, far more than he had, but he managed to get a sound out. He would have called it a groan, but that was being generous. A death murmur was more like it... only he wasn't dead.

Slowly, he managed to maneuver his eyes to opening. Then he shut them – too bright. Wherever he was glowed brighter than when he had shot to end it all. Now he was starting to get a headache – what a thing to add to his problems.

He still couldn't sit up... but he could probably try to talk.

“Are we winning?”

That sent crazy amounts of motion into play. Someone – he assumed Garrus from the sound of talons on tile – ran off to probably get a doctor. Something landed heavy at his side – that was probably Bo. She was close enough that he could feel her shaking.

She was pissed.

“I can't fucking...” despite that, she laughed. “Fucking Luna Bats, I should've known that would bring you back.”

Alistair's head was pounding, but he could still talk. “How long?”

It had to be some time – before the Bats had suspended their season due to the war, it had been at the very beginning. From the sound of things, they were going into a playoff run. At the very least... months. Possibly years, if they were finally good.

Nah, probably not years – O'Reilly probably only had two seasons left in him at this rate.

“Over two months, you asshole. You died twice.” Her voice was thick with emotion she was barely containing. “And in the end it's the fucking Luna Bats that bring you back. Not me, not Garrus, but the Bats!”

She was laughing still, despite how annoyed she sound. It was probably the best sound Alistair had ever heard. He would have probably laughed too, but it fucking hurt too much. Hopefully wherever his boyfriend was, he was getting a doctor with some heavy duty pain medicine.

“It took a miracle I guess...” he cracked one eye open. “What's their record?”

It was a miracle he didn't get socked in the arm, but Alistair quickly realized that was because he didn't have one. It had just been a brief glance, but there was definitely something missing on his right side. No wonder he couldn't wiggle his fingers on the right side: they were gone.

But... if their record was winning.

“I'd say your priorities were fucking awful, but you did kind of save the universe so I'll give you a pass.”

“Thanks.”

Couldn't move the toes on his left foot either... bad sign there. At least he still had all his fingers on his dominant hand. The universe had been kind for once.

Still... it was true. He was in a hospital, there was a doctor coming with hopeful amounts of pain medicine to help him. All of this  meant one simple thing: the Reapers were gone. Well, either that or they also liked the Luna Bats.

It was maybe the only thing they agreed on.

“So... we won then.”

Bo sounded calmer as she got up – probably for whatever medical staff was coming. “Yeah. We won. We won and we got you back. Forget hamsters, you're a fucking cat with how many lives you got to burn there.”

Well, he was good at stopping at life 4 or 5. Dying was unpleasant and he had done it way more than anyone had right to do and still come back. This was the last time, he promised to whatever universal figure was listening.

Still, as the medical staff freaked out around him upon his waking up, Alistair found he was pretty relaxed. Whatever happened, nothing could have been worse than facing down the Reapers and making the choice left to him. He could get past anything after that.

But... yeah... the pain meds would definitely help. His brain was throbbing. At least he was pretty sure his amp hadn’t exploded, because then yeah he would have definitely been dead...

Honestly, an injury update would have been lovely, if just to know how many parts he was missing and what he had broken in his final hit on the Reapers. At any rate, he was going to need to know how bad off he was once he put his papers in. After all, if he was going to live... might as well do it as a free man.

It wasn’t quite the end he had expected, but it was his. At least he had most of his limbs? Or at the very least half... he would have to ask about that later, once it was easier to see in a bright room.

Again, pain meds, great idea...

[politicalprof]

2019 in books:

David McCullough, 1776: A highly accessible, if somewhat naive, depiction of the year that defined the prospects for American independence. I wouldn’t go there for deep, critical analysis. But for a story of a year, it is well done.

Michael Palin, Erebus: HMS Erebus was a British naval vessel that spent much of its career in Arctic and Antarctic exploration. If you are interested in Victorian era explorations of hard places, a fascinating read.

Emilio Corsetti III, 35 Miles from Shore: The story of an airline crash in the early 1970s in the Caribbean. What happened, why, how, who survived and what we learned. Interesting if not brilliant.

Raymond Thorp, Crow Killer: Old-fashioned tale of the inspiration behind the Robert Redford movie Jeremiah Johnson. As much fantasy as history. But it offers a flavor of a time and a subgroup few Americans would know.

James Corey, Caliban’s War: The second book of “The Expanse” series. The protomolecule is working its mojo, and Earth, Mars and the Belters are none too happy with one another. A fun read of a massive space opera.

Walter Kempowski, All for Nothing: Set in the context of the collapsing Eastern Front during WWII, this story proceeds from the fractured point of view of the Germans who are about to be turned into refugees fleeing oncoming Soviet forces. The book, notably, does not make these Germans sources of sympathy: the mood is dissonant and disordered. A real piece of literature.

Hilary Mantel, Wolf Hall: Because who doesn’t want a point-of-view account of a key counselor to Henry VIII, one who rose to extraordinary wealth and power despite his humble birth and then managed the, how shall we say, removal of Kathrine as Queen? Replaced by Anne Boleyn? Who wouldn’t want to read it? It’s excellent, by the way.

James Corey, Abaddon’s Gate: Book three of The Expanse, and the protomolecule has remade humanity’s relationship to the universe. But we’ll probably screw that up, too. Another good story, filled with actual thought about the problems of space travel and space living.

MIchael Krondl, The Taste of Conquest: The Rise and Fall of the Three Great Cities of Spice: Venice, Lisbon and Amsterdam each in their turn dominated the global spice trade -- a trade that was one of the main stimuli for early colonialism and imperial conquest, and which strongly influenced the rise of the modern corporation as a linch-pin of global capitalism. The book is not as good as it should be, but the story is one that few people know, but should.

Hilary Mantel, Bring Up the Bodies: Hey, it’s time to get rid of Anne Boleyn everyone! Or, at least, to separate her head from her body. And let’s manage the English Reformation, too ... all just a few years before losing our own head. Welcome to the early/middle 1500s in England everyone!

Leigh Perry, A Skeleton in the Family: Who doesn’t have a skeleton living in their house who helps solve mysteries. I mean, who doesn’t?

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone: So my son has started reading Harry Potter. So I have started reading Harry Potter. I liked this book: it’s tight, it’s focused, it’s a fun read. I see the appeal.

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The answer to the questions: “What if the angels and demons charged with over-seeing Earth as humans go from the Garden of Eden to Armageddon decide that they like Earth and don’t want Armageddon to happen (even if their allies do)? And what if the Anti-Christ were raised in a perfectly mundane family in a perfectly mundane English village? How might it all turn out?” To delightful and funny effect.

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Meh. Okay. Not as good as book one. But still a good story.

Gilbert King, Devil in the Grove: Thurgood Marshall, the Groveland Boys, and the Dawn of a New America: A broad pastiche of events surrounding one of the many civil rights cases of the 1940s and 50s: the abuses and murders of several African American men accused of raping a white woman in Lakeland, FL, in 1949. With a whole lot of associated discussions of other cases, the NAACP, corrupt and criminal law enforcement, race riots, and the like. A good read. And how can it be that the bastard George HW Bush, put Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court to fill a seat once held by the staggering legal figure that was Thurgood Marshall. Shameful is the only word.

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Certainly better than the Chamber of Secrets. A darker turn. But beginning to get padded as readers demanded “more” if not “better.”

James Corey, Cibola Burn: Book 4 of The Expanse ... and I didn’t like it. It seemed like filler, a book written to a contract deadline. Maybe it will pay off in the end. But another one like that and I’m not going to care.

Tom Phillips, Humans: A Brief History of How We Fucked It All Up: Did you know our oldest known ancestor, Lucy, probably died by falling out of a tree? If stories about how people have messed things up, have suffered both intentional and unintentional consequences, turn you on, do I ever have the book for you. Schadenfreude much?

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Dear lord is this book long. Why? No doubt because the fans wanted it to be. But it is as gratuitously padded as any book I have ever read. It’s okay. But I wasn’t particularly impressed. Perhaps another six Quidditch matches would have helped ....

Adam Higginbotham, Midnight in Chernobyl: Thought the HBO miniseries was scary? It was tame. I mean: the Soviets, with their level of “technical prowess” and their industrial “quality control checks” ran the facility. Heck, Chernobyl wasn’t even their first disaster. Let’s just put it this way: the actual fuel piles in each of the FOUR Chernobyl reactors were so big that: 1) different sections had different characteristics, and didn’t all operate at the same rates or temperatures; and 2) the monitoring equipment couldn’t record how all of the pile was operating at any time. Happy now? Russia still has 10 Chernobyl-style reactors in operation. Enjoy your good night’s sleep everyone!

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Yes, yes: I know. This isn’t Order of the Phoenix. Well, I read Order of the Phoenix many years ago, and thought it was deeply annoying. A pile of words with little point. A way to keep the audience happy with long passages about very little.

Meanwhile, I, like my son, roared through Half-Blood Prince. A ripping good tale. Much tighter than the last several of the series.

JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: A fine read. A bit slow getting going: let’s go here! Let’s go there! Let’s recap the plot! But after the first 1/3 or so, the story got moving and I enjoyed it. Didn’t expect great literature; didn’t get great literature. But then again, I deeply appreciate how much pleasure my son got from this, and how excited my daughter is to engage with it. If it hadn’t been conceived and written, it seems like there’d be a Harry Potter sized hole in the universe.

Neil Gaiman, American Gods: In all honesty, I didn’t really like the first 2/3 of this book: too many tangents; too many sub-stories for the sake of sub-stories. And I’m still not sure I think it was a great book. But I really enjoyed the last third of it, and there were moments, vignettes, and sentences that truly blew me away. So I am glad I stayed with it.

Kameron Hurley, The Light Brigade: A sci fi story of soldiers apparently engaged in a war with Mars who are transported to the battlefield as beams of light. One gets unhinged from time. I am not sure it was worth the work, and I came to understand it was based on a short story and so, at times, it seemed a bit one-trick pony-ish. But it had its share of moments.

Daniel James Brown, The Boys in the Boat: A bit slow going at first, but it grows more compelling as it moved forward. This is the story of the 1936 crew (rowing) team at the University of Washington that went to Berlin and won the gold medal as Adolf Hitler watched. An interesting story about crew as a sport (about which I knew basically nothing), and life in Depression-era Washington state -- with a little, somewhat gratuitous, commentary about life in Nazi Germany layered in. One takeaway? The actor Hugh Laurie’s father was the lead oarsman on the British crew at Berlin in 1936. Hugh Laurie rowed crew at Cambridge as well.

James Corey, Nemesis Games: The next in the Expanse series. Much more enjoyable than the last one, but still a bit strained. One heck of a plot “twist.” A perfectly lovely way to relax; didn’t change my life. Some interesting character twists. But also a lot of “here are some giant developments (a lot of giant stuff) that give us lots of things to write about going forward!”

Alan Stern and David Grinspoon, Chasing New Horizons: the story of the New Horizons mission to Pluto. Interesting behind the scenes look at how the mission got funded, planned and implemented. Accessible in terms of the explanations; thick with bureaucratic story-telling and summary. It turns out this stuff is really, really hard. Interesting, but it didn’t blow me away.

And to end the year, I am reading: Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal: What if 13 year old Jesus had a buddy who, 2000 years later, wrote a gospel that filled in those missing years of Joshua’s (as Biff calls Jesus) life? Well, here’s your answer.

[shera-dnd]

Day 3 - Abandoned Building Break-in

A spooky prompt right on time for halloween. This time in a college AU, because y’all know I love me some AUs

Nothing much to say besides enjoy the silly nonsense.

~~~

It was a dark and stormy night. Shadows fell over the old abandoned sciences building in Bright Moon University and Glimmer regret every decision that lead her to this place. 

It all started with some stupid joke about the haunted science building and, as with anything involving Catra, it escalated completely out of proportion. Now she had to spend the night inside that place, with Catra, so she could prove that she was no chicken.

The good news is that Glimmer would spend the night alone with her crush, the bad news was that she would have to spend the night alone with her crush. Really there were no bright sides to this situation, but it’s not like that had ever stopped her before.

“Ready for our little night of terror?” Catra asked, lighting her lantern under her face for the ‘spooky’ effect.

“Night of terror, really?” Glimmer rolled her eyes, but still smiled “Come on, dumbass, I have a bet to win”

Catra cackled maniacally as she followed Glimmer in, she was clearly having the time of her life. Glimmer wasn’t expecting this overly energetic Catra, but she could certainly get used to it.

“What got into you, today?” Glimmer asked as she slipped under the boards barring the entrance

“What you mean by that, Sparkles?” Catra immediately jumped back to her angry and defensive stance. Wording, Glimmer, wording!

“Nothing like that” She sighed, turning her lantern on to get a good view of the place, the long corridor was empty and dusty, nothing she could use to scare Catra quite yet “It’s just that you’re so...giddy”

“Seriously, princess?” Catra asked, gesturing to the dark depths of the building “I know you’re the most boring person in the world, but how can you look at this and not think haunted houses are the coolest shit ever?”

“This place is not haunted. Haunted houses are not re-” her train of thought was interrupted by a flash of light and the immediate crack of thunder. The closeness to the lightning strike causing her to jump in surprise. Catra could only laugh.

“See? Ghosts get mad if you doubt their shit” Catra pointed out, as if that had proven anything.

“Very funny” She responded, shaking her head. She had no time for this bullshit, she had a whole building to explore and a dumbass to prove wrong. “You coming or what?”

“Do you ask that every time you spend the night with a girl?” Catra smirked, teasingly. Glimmer chose not to answer that.

The dusty old building had proven surprisingly empty, most offices had little in the way of furniture or paperwork left behind and the corridors had been picked clean, with very little clutter left behind.

“Hey, look” Catra pointed her lantern towards a spot on the ground. Glimmer was unsurprised by her find.

“Of course someone came here to get high” She groaned “Couldn’t they at least pick up their trash?”

“You think we’re gonna find like a super stoned ghost or something?” Catra joked “I’m here to like haunt you or something, man. Yo you got a light there, man?” 

“Not funny, Catra” Glimmer tried very hard not to laugh at her impression, but she knew if she let Catra keep doing this she would eventually fail so the her best plan was to redirect her attention “Hey, wanna give a look around the biology lab?”

“You read my mind” She answered with a smile. This would be perfect.

~~~

Catra nearly skipped through the biology lab - if skipping was a thing she did, which was clearly not true, shut up! - enjoying the sights of all the abandoned equipment and sex ed pamphlets, all illuminated by the claustrophobic cone of light of her lantern. 

This was truly the most fun she had since she graduated high school, it was in great part thanks to all the opportunities to tease Glimmer and now that she found all the jars with ‘preserved specimens’ so many new ideas struck her mind.

“Hey, Sparkles, come over here” She called, but no one responded “Sparkles?” She looked around, but her partner in fright was nowhere to be seen “Sparkles!?” She called again, louder this time. She poked her head outside the labs door’s “Glimmer?”

Just as she was about to leave she felt something cold touch her shoulder, she very slowly turned her head just a bit to see what it was and she was greeted by the sight of five white skeleton fingers clasping her shoulder.

“Ah fuck! Shit! Fuck!” Catra shouted as she jumped away, jerking around desperately trying to get that thing off of her “Shit shit shit!” when the skeleton hand finally fell off she gave it a good kick and sent it flying into the darkness with a loud “Fuck off!” Her momentary relief was interrupted by the sound of laughter. Glimmer’s laughter.

“Your face, your face was just perfect” she roared with laughter once again “Oh you’re lucky we agreed on a no cell phone rule. That clip would have hit my instagram so fast”

“Very funny” Catra grumbled

“Yes, it was” Glimmer teased again, with a little giggle

Catra couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Okay, being humiliated in front of the girl you like and by the girl you like was probably gonna haunt her for longer than any ghost, but damn it if that laughter wasn’t just contagious.

“I guess it was” She joked “But you better get ready for some serious payback, Sparkles”

“Bring it on” Glimmer teased. Oh this night was gonna be the best.

~~~

The rest of the night was surprisingly enjoyable. Catra seemed to take as much joy out of being scared as she did from scaring her and after some time Glimmer started to do just the same. It was stupid of her to see it like that, but this was starting to look more and more like a date.

At some point they sat down in what was left of an office to relax, eat some snacks and talk for a bit. They talked about nothing in particular, college stuff, ghost stories, it didn’t matter really, Glimmer could talk about anything as long as it was with Catra. Hearing her talk was so oddly calming, she hadn’t even realized it until she drifted to sleep.

‘Aww they are so cute’ Catra just barely heard a voice call through the haze of sleep ‘shh they are gonna wake up’ another one responded, this time a little clearer. Catra put on the monumental effort that was getting up in the morning, especially when she felt so cozy, like she was cuddling with a big warm...oh no.

When she opened her eyes she found herself sharing a blanket with a sleeping Glimmer. The sight of her peaceful expression was enough to make her heart skip a beat, but she couldn’t just stay and enjoy it for she had some idiots to deal with.

“What the fuck are you assholes doing here?” She whisper yelled, trying not to wake Glimmer up. Adora, Bow and Mermista all tried and failed to suppress their laughter. That sound was enough to stir Glimmer awake.

“Good morning” She yawned, still not completely aware of her surroundings. She stretched a bit and then froze as she noticed her other friends standing there “Hi….what are you guys doing here?”

“You guys said to meet you at the entrance at sunrise so we could be sure who won” Adora explained, looking at her watch “That was about two hour ago so we decided to come in to check on you”

“But you two are clearly enjoying that extra time, so we’re gonna leave you to it” Mermista teased, before leaving the room. They were both too stunned to react as the trio left - Bow giving them a thumbs up as he went - leaving behind just an awkward silence.

“Sorry” Catra finally said “I’m sure they’ll forget about it eventually. Let’s just pack our things and pretend none of this ever happened” It would be better that way. Glimmer was gonna get teased enough by everyone else, there was no point in her joining in too.

“Actually” Glimmer started, giving Catra just a small sliver of hope “I wouldn’t mind talking about this...or doing it again if we have the time”

“Like a ‘Night of Terror’?” Catra asked, kicking herself internally for the stupid sounding nickname.

“Not necessarily, but like” Glimmer pause, trying to think how to phrase this properly “Like everything else we did, talking, having some snacks, spending the night with each other” Glimmer couldn’t mean what she thought she meant, right?

“Like a date?” Catra tried

“Yeah, like a date” Glimmer finally answered and Catra’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest

“Yes!” She answered, over eager “I mean, sure I guess I wouldn’t mind that”

“You dork” Glimmer giggled and once again Catra was entranced by that sound

That really had been the best night ever, Catra thought to herself,  but not for long.

[survivorwildwest]

Episode 1 - Still Hot, Still Sandy, Still a Buncha Liars

Jeff begins his narration as a train bends around the rocks of the Mojave Desert. He says, “Since humanities inception, societies rise and societies fall. Societies evolve. Societies change. And so, Survivor is once again changing things up!”

The camera pans to Jeff on horseback standing over the Grand Canyon, “Welcome to Survivor: Wild West! We’ve brought back some of your favorite Survivors from west of the Mississippi. They’ll be stranded outside an old ghost town in the Mojave Desert with only the supplies on their back and whatever they can scavenge in the remains of this town.”

“People forget, a lot of the first cowboys were black.” Carl says in a talking head before adjusting his hat.

Probst rides his clydesdale to the middle of an intersection. He looks around the skeletons of buildings and notices a saloon on the corner. He ties his horse to the hitching post outside and walks inside. The spurs on his boots spin as he steps in front of the cast. The 20 castaways sit around the saloon, at the bar stools and the poker tables, on the stairs and the piano bench. Jeff welcomes the cast of returnees to the new season. He first calls out Cao Boi, “Cao Boi, obviously, you’re the first person we call when we start to think about a Wild West theme.”

“It’s not the Wild West without a cow boy,” Cao Boi says.

“From one Cowboy to another, Colby, our first season in America, we need to get Colby Donaldson.”

“Yeah, I guess I was America’s Favorite Son for a while,” he answers.

“Still are,” Jerri interjects from the other side of the room.

“Jerri,” Jeff says turning his attention to her, “Why are you here on the Wild West season?”

“Well, I’ve already got the hat,” Jerri jokes as she tips her hat, “but, I’m just here to bother Colby. Same as always.”

Colby rolls his eyes and looks back to Jeff.

“Not excited to see Jerri, Colby?” Jeff asks.

“How could I not be excited to see Jerri Manthey? It’s been 20 years,” Colby says, presenting a purposeful smile.

Jeff then turns to Michaela, “Michaela, how old were you when Colby was first on Survivor?”

“I woulda been eleven, Jeff.”

Colby laughs at his own age.

“So, was Colby an idol of yours at that age,” Jeff asks.

“Honestly,” Michaela says, “not really. I mean, it was cool that he was from Texas and all cause I’m from Texas, but no I couldn’t relate to him. To hear you call him the proto-American, I just have to ask, ‘Who’s America?’ I just don’t see what makes Colby Donaldson any more American than Michaela Bradshaw.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, Michaela,” Jeff says, “And with that, the season begins. Teal tribe, you are Suhtai,” he tosses the tribe to his left a satchel with their buffs and a map to their camp in some nearby hills. “Orange tribe, you are Tsitsistas.” He does the same for the tribe to his right.

“Your tribes are named after two Native American tribes who travelled together until the early 19th Century, the two tribes came together, or merged, and became known as the Cheyenne people,” Jeff explains, “Now, you have 30 minutes to scavenge this town. There are supplies hidden throughout these ruins. As of now, Survivor: Wild Wild West is on.”

Jeff leaves the saloon and the hunt for supplies begins. A few people dive over the bar for any bottles of alcohol they can find. Some whiskey, gin and red wine are found by Wendy Diaz.

“I don’t even really drink,” Wendy says in a talking head, “but I noticed the label on the wine bottle was a little... oh i don’t know... curled up in the corner, so I took it!”

Wendy runs off to a corner away from everyone else to unfurl the wine bottle. She crouches under a table to avoid any witnesses when she sees Russell and Brandon Hantz enter the room to chat.

“But then,” Wendy continues in her talking head, “Russell and Brandon showed up! And Russell is on my tribe!! And I hate Russell.”

Russell tells Brandon he’ll take care of him, he just needs to get to the merge. “Find an idol if you can,” Russell advises.

“But then,” Wendy’s narration continues.

Wendy removes the wine label when the Hantzs leave.

“There’s Gold in them thar hills!” She exclaims, reading the label in her talking head.

Wardog opens a crate of supplies behind the saloon where he finds rations, kerosene and a small tube he suspects is an advantage.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a coyote sits on the porch of a saloon.

After the scavenging of the town, each tribe hikes to their camp. At the Tsitsistas Camp, Colby builds a fire and Ben gathers everyone around, “Alright, so let’s all introduce ourselves. My name is Ben Driebergen. I’m 37 years old. I have a wife & kids. I fought in the marines and then I played in Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers and again last season in Winners at War. Who’s Next?”

“Yeah, hi, I’m Lauren, 23, I played in Edge of Extinction. No kids. No significant other. Just… little ol’ me,” Lauren says with a grimace.

“Uh, I’m Kass, Chaos Kass, you may have heard, I played in Cagayan and again in Cambodia… or Second Chances I guess”

“Hey, I’m Ken. I played Millennials vs Gen X. I was on the Gen X tribe. I am also single.”

“Hey everyone, yeah, I’m Brandon. I’m Russell’s nephew.“

Everyone stares at him and nods slightly.

“Hi, I’m Kim-”

“And, I just want you all to know,” Brandon continues, “I know last time I played, things didn’t look so great. I want you all to know, I’m good now. I’m not gonna throw any tantrums or any fits or anything. I’m gonna be good. I’m good now.”

Kimmi Kappenberg says, “Alright, I’m Kimmi, I played in Season TWO” she holds up two fingers, “And then again in Second Chances.” She mirrors the peace sign she made on the other hand for “Second Chances.”

“Hi, I’m Bi. I played in David vs Goliath but had to leave early because of an injury.“

“And I’m Lisa! I played in the Philippines like a hundred years ago.”

After a few minutes of small talk, people begin to go their separate ways. Ben, Brandon, Kass, Lauren, Ken and Kimmi use some wood they’d taken from town to build a shelter. Lisa pulls Bi aside to lend a shoulder if Bi wanted to talk about losing her opportunity. Colby continues to work on the fire as Michaela sits with him.

As the desert sun beats down on him, Colby rubs two sticks together. He sweats through his shirt. Michaela reaches in her pocket, “Colby,”

He looks up. Sweat drips from his eyelash into his eye.

“You think these might help,” and she pulls out a dry box of matches, “I found them next to a stove back in town. They’re old and they don’t look like they’ll work but it’s worth a try.”

“Sure. You know,” Colby says as he places the dusty match against its dustier box, “I don’t think of myself as more American than you.”

The match lights and he brings it to the kindling to ignite. He looks back to Michaela, “After everything going on, you know, the world’s fucked right now. Honestly, living in the desert for a month and a half sounds alright right about now,” Colby jokes.

“The world certainly is fucked right now,” Michaela laughs, “You’re not wrong, Colby.”

“It’s been fucked for you guys for a while though, right?”

“’You guys’ meaning black folks?”

“Well, yes and no. I just mean, people who don’t look exactly like me.”

“Ha,” she laughs, “sure, that’s true.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s alright. You’re learning.”

“I know. I just feel bad.”

“I’m not asking for your pity, Colby. Just asking for your assistance.”

“You know,” he says, “I’ve been doing a lot of listening since everything started and what I keep hearing is ‘Listen to black women.’ So, that’s what I’m gonna do. I really do want to help, however I can.”

She looks at him, taking in his intention. She sticks out her hand for him to take and they shake hands.

“Colby’s a good dude,” Michaela explains in a talking head, “He means well. That’s good. ”

“Okay, so, with us working together now,” Michaela asks, “who would you recommend we go for first?”

Colby looks down toward Bi and Lisa, then at the group building the shelter, then back at Michaela, “How about Ben?”

“I don’t see why not. He’s already won. Have you won?”

“Not once. In 20 years, never once.”

“Me neither.”

The two of them stare down Ben from across the camp.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a desert collared lizard scurries from the shade of one rock to the shade of another.

At the Suhtai Camp, everyone drops their things. Jerri immediately turns to Russell, opens her arms and says “Russell, my old friend!”

“Jerri, hello again,” he says.

“I saw your nephew is here.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he chuckles.

Carl calls everyone to the center of camp and introduces himself, “Hi everybody, I’m Carl, I played in David vs Goliath, along with Elizabeth.”

“Oh, hi, yeah, Carl’s right, we played David vs Goliath together. We were on the Davids tribe.”

“Oh! I played my season with Taylor!” Hannah Shapiro exclaims.

“Hey everybody… I’m Taylor, or Tails. We played uh…”

“Millennials vs Gen X!” Hannah finishes.

“Well, I think I’m the only person from my season, I’m Todd,” Todd says.

“What’s up, man,” Taylor says.

“I’m the only representative from my season too. I am Cao Boi, obviously. I was on Cook Islands.”

“I was on the same tribe as Wardog!” Wendy exclaims.

“Wendy!” Wardog shouts, as if no one would have figured it out.

“We were on the Edge!” Wendy explains, “of Extinction!”

“Wendy’s funny, man,” Taylor says in a talking head, “She’s kinda uhh cooky but she’s fun, man.”

“Do you want to go get water,” Jerri asks Russell.

“Yeah,” he mutters, “Grab one of them young kids.”

Jerri looks over the crowd of people getting to know one another, then looks back at Russell and grins, “Let’s go.”

As they make their way through camp, Jerri turns to Wendy, “Do you want to come get water?”

Wendy nods and follows Jerri and Russell.

“So,” Russell starts with his deceptively charming southern grin, “What do you think of everyone so far?” 

“Well, so far everyone seems cool! Although, maybe I’m not the best judge of character. I didn’t make it far my first time out.”

Russell and Jerri make pouty faces at each other outside of Wendy’s view. 

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that this time, honey,” Jerri promises.

“Yeah, you’re with us now,” Russell assures her.

Wendy nods in agreement to Russell and Jerri, but in a talking head yells, “Who said I wanted to be in an alliance with you, RUSSELL?!”

The three of them find the camp’s well. It’s nestled amongst a rock formation. Overhead, there’s a sign deeming the well, “The Oasis." Wendy eyes a small hill on their way back, then explains in a talking head, “There was a little crease in the rocks where it looked like something could be hidden and the sand around it looked... weird... So, after we all got back to camp and sat around the campfire, I got up to use the bathroom aaaand…” she pulls out a two and half inch tall gold nugget, “There’s gold in them hills! It’s the idol!”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a coyote surveys the landscape.

When he has a moment alone, Wardog sneaks off to open the advantage he found in the scavenge. He reaches a finger inside and finds a note reading “Extra Vote” and one voting parchment.

“Holy shit. Alright. Alright. That’s good.”

The next morning at the Suhtai camp, each survivor wakes from their tent and makes their way to the fire. Kass is the first person awake and begins to tend to the fire. Lauren wakes shortly after her and yawns for what feels like eternity, then sits near the fire with Kass.

“How long you been up,” she asks through the remnants of her yawn.

“Oh, just a little bit.”

“You go looking for an idol?”

“Please, Lauren, it’s far too early to worry about that.”

Ken saunters his way around the campfire from the tent.

“Morning folks, What’s on the docket for today?”

“There’s a challenge,” Kass tells him.

“Oh, right on. I think we’re pretty strong, so we should be alright. Didn’t you play soccer, Lauren?”

“I-- yeah, I did.”

“So you’re probably pretty strong. Michaela’s strong, Brandon’s probably strong, Bi’s a boxer so she must be strong.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a lone desert cottontail rabbit hops over and under the rocks, looking for shelter.

At high noon, both tribes head to their first immunity challenge. Jeff explains, “Each tribe will have a conestoga wagon. You must move your cart through various obstacles, disassembling and reassembling pieces throughout. Along the way, you will collect puzzle pieces. Then, two people from each tribe will solve the puzzle. First tribe to complete the puzzle wins immunity.”

Kass and Michaela are chosen as the puzzle solvers for Tsitsistas. Todd and Cao Boi volunteer for the puzzle on Suhtai.

Both tribes fumble a bit as they figure out how to situate themselves around their large conestoga wagons. Once they finally do, Tsitsistas takes a slight lead. Lisa is slow getting back to her position after the reassembling portion of the challenge. Brandon starts yelling they’re “not going to win” until Michaela yells from the puzzle, “Bro, just shut up and get it done.” The disorder causes Suhtai to catch up and take the lead, inciting Brandon further.

“We got it on the puzzle,” Michaela promises, “Be cool, Brandon.” 

Suhtai makes it to their puzzle first and begins working on it, but Tsitsistas is only a few steps behind. As soon as Kass places a tile, Todd is right behind her, then Michaela is right behind him, then Cao Boi next. The four of them are finding pieces with no trouble. When Suhtai goes up by a piece, Tsitsistas is right behind and vice versa. Todd and Cao Boi slam their final piece in and call Jeff. He checks it as Kass and Michaela continue working. “Suhtai thinks they have it,” he places one hand on the puzzle as he looks it over, “That is not right!”

Kass and Michaela clamor for Jeff. He does the same to their puzzle and announces, “Tsitsistas wins immunity!”

In a talking head, Todd blames the loss on Cao Boi after he placed two pieces in their opposite places, “I just don’t understand why you would volunteer yourself and then miss something like that!”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a purple-throated hummingbird hovers over a nest.

Back at the Suhtai camp, the first vote scramble begins. Todd goes to Taylor first, “Look bro, we shoulda had that challenge.”

“Yeah, man.”

“Cao Boi fucked us,” Todd says, mimicking Taylor’s cadence, “He misplaced two of the pieces.”

“Why would he do that,” Taylor genuinely asks.

“I don’t know, man, but we gotta get him out.”

“You got it man. Let’s do it. I’ll talk to Hannah.”

Taylor wanders over to Hannah, who’s sitting with Wendy, “Han.”

“What’s up, Taylor?”

“So, I was just talking to Todd, he said it’s Cao Boi’s fault we lost. Yeah. So, we have to take him out.”

“Tonight?”

“I mean, yeah. Are you down?”

“Yeah, I mean, sure. That works for me.”

“Wendy, are you down to vote Cao Boi?”

“Sure!”

After Taylor leaves, Hannah asks Wendy if she’s got Wardog. 

“I think so. At least, I can get him to vote with us this time.”

“Okay, That’s good. Wardog’s good.”

“Wardog!” Wendy yells from across the camp.

“Wendy, hey, what’s up,” he asks as he walks over.

“What do you think of Cao Boi,” Hannah asks.

“I’ve got no allegiance to Cao Boi. You guys want to do Cao Boi tonight?”

“Yeah,” Hannah says. 

“Alright, let’s do it,” Wardog says.

Meanwhile, Cao Boi recognizes he’s being targeted. He goes first to Todd and explains, “Everyone here on our tribe has played with someone else on our tribe. Some people have played with people on the other side. You & me, though? We haven’t played with anyone else. Why don’t you and I start something?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Jerri and Russell, that’s a strong connection. They went far together in Heroes vs Villains. You know who else they went far with? Colby. Is there a better story in Survivor history than Jerri and Colby?”

“So, Jerri?”

“I’m just saying. With Jerri gone, Russell and Colby aren’t working together. With Jerri there, they might.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a bushel of daisies blow in the wind.

Wendy goes to Russell and Jerri to tell them the Cao Boi plan. They hear the plan, then Russell asks, “Who came up with this?”

“Todd,” she tells them, “Hannah and Taylor already agreed to it. And Wardog.”

“Thanks, Wendy,” Jerri says.

“This is very helpful information,” Russell says, sounding more condescending than he realizes.

In a talking head, Wendy is exasperated, “He talks to me like I’m a child. I can’t stand him. I wish we were taking him out tonight.”

After Wendy leaves, Jerri points out to Russell that Todd and Cao Boi are going to team up to take out the other couples. She believes she’s the target.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a mantis prays.

Cao Boi approaches Carl and Elizabeth and gives them his pitch for Jerri. They hear him out and agree to the plan. He then finds Wendy shortly before Tribal Council. “Wendy,” he says, “We’re voting Jerri tonight.”

“Okay,” she agrees without question.

As the sun sets over the horizon and the temperature drops, the Suhtai tribe join Jeff around a campfire outside a cave. Unlike previous tribal councils, this season’s has only one row of seating around the fire so everyone is in full view of one another the whole time. The voting booth is inside a small cave in the nearby hills. “So,” Jeff begins with his infectious grin, “Here we are. Survivor 41. Tribal Council. How does it feel, Wardog?”

“Honestly, Jeff, it sucks. No one ever wants to be here.”

“How about being in the desert, Russell? Any different?”

“It’s still hot, still sandy, still a buncha liars. Don’t matter if it’s Samoa, Nicaragua, Fiji or right here in the Wild West. It’s still Survivor and I’m still the best at it.”

“Haha yeah, alright, dude,” Taylor laughs.

Jeff and Russell turn to Taylor to finish.

“You’ve never even won, dude. How can you call yourself the best?”

“Gotten a lot further than you, bro.”

“Alright, bro. We’ll see.”

“Are you voting for me tonight?”

“No,” Taylor laughs.

“Who are you voting for?”

“Cao Boi! He fucked us in the challenge! Todd said!”

“Alright,” Russell says with a quiet grin before he turns back to Probst.

“Alright, with that, It is time to vote. Taylor, you’re up first.”

Taylor gets up and proudly votes. The other nine make their votes. Jeff tallies the votes and returns to read the votes. “If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and you’d like to play it, now would be the time to do so.” No one stands up. Jeff reads the votes. “Cao Boi, Jerri, Cao Boi, Cao Boi, Cao Boi, First Person voted out of Survivor: Wild West: Cao Boi.”

Read Episode 2 Here

[letitrainasunnyday]

hi ! I'm kinda new to the bill hader fandom (I've started liking him because he'll be Richie on It Chapter 2 and I looove It) and i've been following you for a while so i know you like him too... and i was just wondering since when do you like him and what could i watch of his. Tahnks!

Hi there! I can’t believe I’m getting a Bill question, this is exciting stuff! 

I also love that more people are starting to appreciate him now that he’s absolutely going to SLAY as Richie Motherfucking Tozier because let’s be fucking real for a second we all know there is only one man capable of doing justice to Trashmouth and that man is Bill Hader. 

I will not be taking questions at this time. 

Anyway, the thing with me and Bill Hader is one of those funny things where I actually liked him before knowing who he was. 

Let me explain. Once upon a time I saw a movie called Adventureland, which, if you haven’t seen, I absolutely recommend: it’s hilarious, it’s got an amazing 80′s bops soundtrack, and it stars Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart, and the far more amazing other Kristen, Kristen Wiig, who I love with my entire heart and my entire soul. And also Ryan Reynolds is in it. And, oh, did I mention? Bill fucking Hader. So I saw this movie way back when I was going through my “I love Jesse Eisenberg and all of his indie movies” phase and my first immediate thought upon watching it --other than the music and how funny it was-- was, oh, this couple that runs the amusement park is fucking hilarious. Look at them both!! Legends!!! And I fell in love with them. 

They were Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader. Except I didn’t know they were Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader. Yet. 

So anyway years later I got into Brooklyn Nine-Nine and I was like HANG ON A MINUTE this Andy Samberg guy... I know this guy... He’s the guy from “I’m On A Boat” so I looked up “I’m On A Boat” again and I was like OH BITCH!!!! This is from Saturday Night Live!!!!! 

(I had seen an episode from Saturday Night Live way back when Fun. was the musical guest because Fun. used to be my favorite band.)

So I started watching SNL clips on YouTube and stumbled upon a beautiful sketch. The most amazing sketch you’ve ever seen in your goddamned life. The funniest shit I’ve ever laid eyes on since The Life of Brian. I was crying, doubled over in laughter. This was The Shit™. 

It was Stefon. 

And then I put two and two together and I was like WAIT A MINUTE THAT’S THE GUY FROM ADVENTURELAND. 

So long story short I saw every SNL episode he was in and he very quickly became my favorite SNL cast member of all time, followed very closely behind by Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg and Fred Armisen. 

I just love Bill Hader. Saying I love him is an understatement, but I just really, really do. He’s pretty much the funniest person I’ve ever known, and makes me laugh constantly. Like, every time he opens his mouth I’m in stitches. And he’s genuinely a Nice Guy. Really, he’s super sweet and kind and you can tell he’s just an honest guy. He’s a Solid Dude™. I would sell my soul for this man. 

SO HERE’S WHAT TO WATCH OF HIS: 

Adventureland: I’ve just told you about it. 

(SNL) Stefon: you’ve probably heard/know about him by now. Arguably Bill’s most famous sketch, which he co-wrote with the equally hilarious John Mulaney, who, in my honest and humble opinion, is the best stand up out there right now (check out both of his specials on Netflix) and also the famous creator of the infamous “Salt And Pepper Diner” bit. It’s my favorite SNL sketch, and I hope you love it half as much as I do. 

(SNL) Herb Welch: also written with John Mulaney, he’s an old reporter who hits people with his microphone. Just please watch it. 

(SNL) Vinny Vedecci: I can’t really describe it well enough for you to understand its brilliance. YouTube it and I swear you will not be disappointed. 

Then there’s a few other sketches which I love of his, like Kissing Family, or Hollywood Dish, or The Californians. Basically any sketch where it’s him, Kristen and Fred Armisen is comedy gold. Also, Laser Cats. 

The Skeleton Twins: one of my favorite movies of all time, and it’s 90% because it stars both Kristen AND Bill as estranged twins who both try to commit suicide and I have cried and laughed with this movie and it is brilliantly written and beautifully acted and their chemistry is the most magical thing I’ve ever seen and PLEASE WATCH THE SKELETON TWINS IT CHANGED ME.

Then there’s movies like Superbad, and Trainwreck, and Hot Rod, which are also great. So check em out. 

But here’s the big one...

BARRY: it is the best shit on television right now. Or, one of the best things, for sure. Bill co-created it with Alec Berg and he directs, writes and stars in it and has won 945384 well-deserved Emmys for it and if he doesn’t win them again this year I will fucking riot. It’s a show about a hitman who wants to be an actor and it’s dark and dramatic but also hilarious and I am SO PROUD of Bill for the beautiful work he’s done of this show. Really. It’s so good. It’s so fucking good. Watch Barry. It’s what Bill Hader deserves. 

Also, It: Chapter 2 which I am VERY EXCITED ABOUT and low-key high-key really expectant about Reddie because PJ and Bill are amazing together. 

[obsessed-love]

Avengers: Endgame

My thoughts during the movie

Plus some extra notes

oh hi Clint

Your daughter is adorable!

the next Hawkeye!

wait

oh noooooooo

nooooooo

That's so saaaad

Please don't go Ronin. Just go find the Avengers. Please! I love you

Oh shit Tony you look like a skeleton

Honey please eat

Wait its been 22 days? oof

Nebula and Tony interacting is adorable

oh no Tony don't you dare die

no

N0

oh shit CAPTAIN MAAARRRVEEELLLL

YAAAASSSSSS

oh shit Tony is even madder than he was at the end of Civil War holy shit

he’s so skinny holy shit

oh shit Tony don't do that

Steve you don goofed

SHit TONY-

oh wow okay

Thor finally aimed for the head I guess

Wait 5 years?! HOly shit

oh look Steve is finally going to group theraphy

Natasha’s hair is gorgeous

I love her necklace

oh shit he’s gone Ronin

nooooooo

oh Carol your new haircut is amazing!

It looks so gooooodddd!!!!

oh shit that rat is the one that ultimately saved the world 

the rat brought Scott back

good job

oh they’re gonna mess with time travel?

like back to the future?

HOLY SHIT TONY HAS A DAUGHTER

SHE’S SO CUTE HOLY SHIT

she’s so small!

tony is an amazing parent

look at her!

she’s adorable

“I love you 3000″

that's so cute!

Scott is me if I ever meet any of these actors

wait...

is that Bruce?

NOOOOOOOOO

he looks so bad!

MY BABIIIEESSS

NOOOOOO

WHYYYYYY

TURN IT BACK TURN IT BACK

he sounds so dumb!

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

ok so this sucks

ok

ok

The band is almost complete

just Thor and Hawkeye

Thor first I guess

OH YASSSSS VALKYRIE YOU GO GIRL

oh wait what? why is there so many cans of beer- 

OH MY GOD

OH NOOOOOO

WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT?!

MY BABYYYYY

HES SO DEPRESSED HOLY SHIT NOOOOO

HIS ABS 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh shit is that Japanese?

oh this looks like a scene from an anime

yes Clint it does work

probably

oh shit 

ok ok

it works

so sad he could not see his daughter though

OK LETS GO

This suspiciously sounds like the plot from back to the future

ok so group 1 goes to New York in 2012 to get the Space Stone, Time Stone, and the Mind Stone

Group 2 goes to 2014 to get the Soul Stone and the Power Stone

and Group 3 goes to 2013 to get the Aether Reality Stone

ok that's good

good plan

man that old outfit looks horrible on cap

shit hulk is so aggressive and its...

really fucking funny

professor hulk is bad at being hulk

YES THAT IS A FINE PIECE OF AMERICA’S ASS

hail hydra?

shit dude that's deep

y’all are busted

wait so Natasha and Clint are going to get the Soul Stone? 

oh noooooo

one of them is gonna die-

oh look cut to Thor now

Thor its ok bab calm down

Rocket you’re on your own buddy

awww Frigga

yes Frigga and Thor interacting! Im all for this

YES HIS HAMMER IS BACK! FUCKING FINALLY HOLY SHIT

oh cut to Professor Hulk

be careful with that woman bruce

shes weird

oh nevermind

so let me get this straight, this whole time travel thing is like in Dragon ball?

yes?

yep.

ok so that's bad

they didn’t get the Space Stone

Loki just grabbed it and went bye bitch on all of them

oof

Steve... fighting… Steve?

oh shit that's awesome

hah Steve is annoyed at Steve

OH SHIT YES

gg no re

that ass thou

that’s a fine piece of American ass

OMG THERE HE GOES

MY LITTLE IDIOT

COME AND GET YOUR LOVEEEEEEEE

OH YEAH

oop and there he goes to the floor

wait is nebula dead?

oh no

wait what?

ok so lemme get this straight, nobody thought of upgrading Nebula, so now tHANOS CAN USE PAST NEBULA TO SEE OUR NEBULA’S MEMORIES?

NOW HE KNOWS

THIS IS DUMB

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Cut to Tony and Steve in the 1970′s

man they both look gorgeous

oh shit. is that Howard?

no

get away

fuck this guy

no

oh wait

he’s being nice to Tony

FUCK I LOVE THIS

oh my god PEGGY!

:(

is that JArvis?

THATS JARVIS

HOLY SHIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Cut to Clint and Natasha

oh nooooooo

one of them is gonna have to die

OH SHIT NO CLINT

NAT STOP

No

NO

NO

N0000000000000000

IN THE SAME POSSITION AS GAMORA TOO

THATS GAY

*starts crying a bit*

MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

she’s dead

I cant

I CANT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

well... at least they got the stones?

lets go bbs

yes

Yes

YES!

wait shouldn't Tony do it?

oh wait no he would die

you go Bruce!

COME ON DO IT BEFORE YOU DIE

OH SHIT NO THANOS

THEY’RE ALL BACK!!!! ANSWER THE PHONE CLINT!

WAIT NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN RHODEY!

oh wait...

RUN CLINT

WHERE THE HELL IS CAPTAIN MARVEL?!?!

you go Gamora do the right thing!

yes Nebula kill yourself!

wait no don't actually kill yourself just the other you

wait no-

ugh

you know what

just-

good job.

STOP TALKING AND GO GET THANOS

THOR YOU LOOK AMAZING BB

WAIT WHERE DID STORMBREAKER COME FROM?!

oop there goes Tony

WAIT SHIT DONT KILL THOR

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

YOU GO STEVE

YOU’RE WORTHY!!!!!!!

THIS SCENE IS FUCKING EPIC

OH WAIT NO HIS SHIELD

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SHIT

NO

STOOP

THATS SO UNFAIR

wait-

what was that?

*crying starts again*

YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS THY’RE ALL BACK HOLY SHIT

SHURIIIIIIIIIIIIII

PETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

HOLY SHIT

GO BEAT HIS ASS 

“AVENGERS!”

“ASSEMBLE.”

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS

THATS FUCKING AMAZING

WIFE AND HUSBAND FIGHTING TOGETHER IS AMAZING

OH MY IRON DAD AND SPIDER SON MOMENT

HOLY SHIT

THIS IS AMAZING

LOOK AT VALKYRIE ON HER PEGAGUS! 

RUN BLACK PANTHER

HOLY SHIT QUEEN

WANDA GO KILL HIS ASS

YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

MY TWO BABIES ARE FINALLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER

GO GET HER QUILL

oh wait...

nevermind

OH THERE SHE ISSSSSSSSSSSS

YOU GO CAROL GO GET HIM

BEAT HIS AAAAASSSSSSS

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

OH SHIT THATS FUCKING AMAZING YOU GO GIRLS 

I AM SO FOR THIS TEAM UP

GO GIRRRRLLLLSSSSSSS

PETER AND CAROL INTERACTING IS ALL I’VE EVER WANTED 

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS SHIT

SHIT

NO

NO

N0

NO

GET IT TONY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh wait

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

“I am Irom Man”

WE WON

HOW DOES IT FEEL YOU NUT SACK OF A FACE?

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OH WAIT

WAIT NO

no

Tony?

wait...

no

stop

StApH

*starts ugly crying*

MY FAV BABY NOOOOOOOOOOO

HE’S DEAD

“Mr. Stark we won”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

mY hEaRt

“its okay you can rest now”

“we’ll be okay”

WELL NOT LIKE I NEEDED MY HEART Y’KNOW

*continues on ugly crying*

they put his old arc reactor on a bunch of roses and just let it float on the river?

what a send off 

im crying cause it hurts

this is so sad

this reminds me of the scene where Tony throws the arc reactor to the sea

fUcK

shit not like I needed my heart

everyone is here?

oh yeah

WAIT IS THAT HARLEY????

*cries even harder*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

well at least…

everyone got a happy ending...

man tony stop talking you’re making me cry harder

“I love you 3000″

THOSE WHERE HIS LAST WORDS TO HER WHEN HE LEFT TO GO SAVE THE UNIVERSE AND NOW IN THIS RECORDING

MY HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTTTT

wait Steve is the one that is going to return the Stones?

cool

just please come back

son of a bitch

wait who’s that?!

IS THAT PRE-SERUM STEVE?

nevermind

shit he looks so old

HE GOT MARRIED TO PEGGY HOLY SHIT

THEY GOT TO HAVE THAT DANCE

AWWWWWWWWWWW

*continues on crying*

wait...

what is that?

HOLY SHIT

YES 

YES

YESSSSSSSS

Sam is now Captain America and I could literally not be happier

cut to Thor

wait Thor is not going to e King anymore

VALKYRIE IS???

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaS

YOU GO QUEEEEEEEEEEEEN

wait he’s going to go live with the guardians?

cool

no matter how many jokes you throw at me I’m still not gonna stop crying

shit is that Ned?

HOLY SHIT

MY LITTLE BABIES RE-UNITED

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THIS IS SO CUTE

cut to Morgan and Happy

she’s so cute

AWWWWW

just like her dad!

she wants a burger.

oh and here come the end credits

and I’m still crying….

Notes!

I loved the ending. It was Satisfying and wrapped up phase 3 really nicely. I literally don't see how someone is going to be mad about it. I LOVED IT. It was amazing. Everyone got a happy ending.

But my Fav Baby died

and my other baby also died

and one of my babies got old

one of my main babies one was depressed but only used for a pathetic excuse of comic relief

the other main baby got ugly and green....

I’m so sad

I am kind of intrigued about what will happen next in the MCU

I know Far from home is the ending of Phase 3 and I really want to see what will happen in Phase 4 now that Disney has ownership of Fox

Honestly all I want to see is Morgan Stark either becoming the next Iron Man/Woman or her own superhero called 3000

that’d be adorable

I’m so sad

I still cant believe Tony died

I cant believe they did Thor like that

I cant believe its 2023 in their universe like what?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

goodbye phase 3! lets hope phase 4 (and the rest to come) is as good (or even better) than this one!

Lets see where the story goes.