#how fangirls created the internet as we know it

[samireads]

June reads 😗✌🏻

[an-easy-escape]

It was the fifty-thousand-person shouting match disguised as a sing-along, and the thunderclap of sneakers hitting concrete on every downbeat, eliminating the need to speak or catch any individual eye.

[void-flesh]

I'm putting together a reading list on the history of emo and I'm looking for more recs/glaring ommisions

History of Emo Reading List:

Essential Context:

• Our Band Could Be Your Life: Scenes from the American Indie Underground 1981-1991

• Major Labels: a history of popular music in 7 genres by Kelefa Sanneh

• Everything I Need I Get From You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as we know it by Kaitlyn Tiffany

State of the Scene:

• Sellout by Dan Ozzi

• Where Are Your Boys Tonight? The Oral History of Emo's Mainstream Explosion 1999-2008 by Chris Payne

• Sing It Like the Kids That Are Mean To You: A Collection of Works by Emos of Color published by Birdloaf.com

• Top Eight: How MySpace Changed Music by Michael Tedder

• The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic by Jessica Hopper

• They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib

• Negatives: A Photographic Archive of Emo (1996-2006) by Amy Fleisher Madden

Why Was Warped Tour Like That:

• Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men by Jane Ward

American Hysteria Podcast with chelsey weber-smith : the Jackass Episodes

Other works:

• Sugar Were Going In: The Podcast About Fall Out Boy and Hip Hop by Scarlet Estelle

[mistmarigold]

What if Sunjae didn’t die that night? Part 6 (lovely runner au)

[See all the parts here.]

As soon as Sol steps into her room, she finally lets out a tiny scream that was lodged in her throat the entire time since Sunjae carried her.

She clutches her heart and swoons (as is appropriate) while her blushing cheeks wouldn’t calm down.

“Sunjae is the sweetest, aww,” she wheels to her sunflower plant and sprays some water on it.

The fangirl in her was so tempted to go and tell all of her internet mutuals so they could all collectively blush, swoon and praise Sunjae. But the other part of her wants to keep Sunjae like a secret, especially their past. Plus she doubted that anyone would believe her anyway.

Once the high of everything came down, Sol settles into her bed and cuddles up with one of her plushies. She thinks about her day again, going back to the interview and the raging disappointment she had felt after seeing the stairs and that one employee walking down towards her. She was so hopeful about the opportunity so it hurt, she wasn’t going to be toxic positive or make excuses. But disappointments like these had almost become a part of her life since that accident and so she tried to not let it weigh her down for too long. She’ll be sad, and then she’ll let it go. Something better will come along for her.

Thinking about the office obviously led her to think about Sunjae again, carrying her down the stairs. Taking off her rose-tinted fangirl glasses specifically, she could feel the tension between her and Sunjae the entire time. She had read enough books and watched enough TV to know it deep in her bones. It was probably just the awkward tension with her chair and everything, Sol reasoned to herself. Because why would Sunjae be interested in her in that capacity? Plus, he was just too nice as a person, that’s it. There was nothing more there.

***

There was definitely something there, Sunjae was sure about it. He hoped she wouldn’t feel his over the top yearning or the tension between them - because, was it there in spades. He had no idea how to explain it: ‘Oh, hi so I might have been had a crush on you for years and now it’s oozing out and I’m on cloud 9 every time I’m around you?’

Could she already tell that? He acted like a weirdo when he called her name. Sunjae grabbed the cushion and screamed into it, kicking his legs in frustration.

His mind went back to Sol’s answer in the car about her interests and the job opportunity. He was tempted to call the production office and tell them that he’d only do the movie if they get Sol on board. He had that power to do it. But did he really want to do it? What would Sol think if she ever found out about it? No matter how much he does it in secret, these things had a habit of coming out and blowing up in his face. So, if it does, what would Sol think? Would she appreciate the help?

Sunjae sat up and thought about it, given whatever he knew of the present Sol. He wasn’t sure. Maybe she would be okay about it but there was a chance she would be extremely angry at him for jumping in this way. Even though he wasn’t sure, a part of him was leaning towards the latter. It would blow up in his face.

Plus, the problem was never her experience because the employee had said that they wanted her. It was the access issue. What if he built a room for her so she could work on the main floor…. Sunjae shook off the idea. He was going to create more problems for her. And he was 100% overstepping - he knew that.

Just then his phone buzzed, with an incoming message from an old friend, Hyunwoo, that he meets every quarter.

“Sunjae, you mentioned that you were interested in a short film for a festival. Are you still looking for something like that?”

Sunjae frowned. He had talked to him about that once 2 years back so he was surprised that he remembered it.

He continued reading, “I’m sending you a script for a short film that another friend wrote. Let me know if you’d be interested and we can see it from there.”

Sunjae opened the script and got lost in it for the next hour. It was a 20-minute film so it wasn’t that long but he had ideas and notes that he wanted to discuss and possibly include.

Sunjae called him up, “I want to do it. But I’ve some notes.”

“Hi to you too, man,” his friend’s lazy voice came through.

“Sorry, were you sleeping? It’s 5 pm,” Sunjae replied.

“I was taking a nap. Don’t you want to ask who wrote it?”

“I read the name though I don’t remember the guy much apart from that one time I sang with him and In-hyuk for some gig. I didn’t know he was a writer,” Sunjae mused.

“He isn’t. He’s a detective actually so I’ve no idea how he found time to write a film. But he sent it to see if there’s potential and well I think it has room with some minor adjustments. So do you want to work on it? Though I’ve to say I don’t have your level of budget so you gotta take a paycut,” his friend warns.

Sunjae chuckled, “it’s fine, I’ll take it. Do you have a team?”

“Yes, of course. You, me and Tae-sung - three is a team, no?”

Sunjae rolled his eyes, forgetting he couldn’t see.

“I’ll start working on the team soon too but first let’s talk about your notes with Tae-sung soon so we can take this script to where it needs to go and then go from there.”

Sunjae bit his lip, hesitating if he should ask, “can I give you a recommendation for someone?”

“For what?”

“Um editing maybe?”

His friend was quiet, “you don’t know what this person does and you’re recommending them to me for a film that isn’t even sure it’s gonna be made?”

“Uh yeah.”

He sighs, “Sure, send me their portfolio and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, man,” Sunjae hangs up.

And then thinks about how to get Sol’s portfolio. If he was the same Sunjae in school, he would’ve definitely figured out how to find it. For lack of a better word, 19-year old Sunjae was a bit of a harmless stalker for Sol.

He looked it up on search websites with her name and portfolio and then browsed through a bunch of them (clearly there was more than one Im Sol). He considered directly asking Sol but wasn’t sure about how to approach it and didn’t want her to get the wrong hints or give her any hopes in case things didn’t work out. Finally, he remembered the digital space for all creatives and searched Im Sol there. Luck was in his favour because it was really hers.

And, she was good. Great, even. She didn’t have a lot of work done but whatever she had, it was quality work. Sunjae had a meeting with In-hyuk soon anyway, so he decided to go through her entire portfolio properly later and sent it to his friend.

Hm, maybe 34-year old Sunjae wasn’t that bad at harmless stalking either, who knew? Technically, he wasn’t even pulling any favours here so nothing would blow up in his face so it should all be fine.

*

It wasn’t all fine. He wasn’t sure if it was his guilty conscience - for what - or if something was really up but Sol seemed a bit reserved, almost …distant.

Sunjae’s friend Hyunwoo, Taesung, and Sol were supposed to meet at Sunjae’s place to discuss the story. Sunjae didn’t intervene or invite anyone directly, it was all Hyunwoo (after getting his approval to borrow his place). But ever since Sol had come in, she was fairly reserved. Maybe it was the nerves?

But then, he saw her talking and laughing with Hyunwoo and Taesung and he wasn’t sure if he was imagining it all or if she had an issue with him. Another thought came to him that he was trying really hard to ignore because it was childish and incredibly petty.

He distinctly remember that when they were young, Sol and Taesung had a thing. Maybe a thing wasn’t the right way to say because he didn’t remember them actually dating but Inhyuk had told him about Sol pursuing Taesung back then and he saw her that night waiting for Taesung after their gig. Could it be…?

Sunjae shook his head just as Hyunwoo called him.

“Okay so this seems like it’s finally going somewhere. Thank you everyone for all your feedback, I’ll incorporate them with Taesung and then we can take it from there. How does that sound?”

Taesung and Sol nodded.

“Sol, it was really nice meeting you and I’m excited to work with you!” Hyunwoo puts his laptop in his bag while Taesung casually smiles at Sol.

Hyunwoo looks at Sunjae and was about to say something but a subtle shake of his head stopped him from saying anything incriminating. But Sol noticed it.

“Thank you for having me! Let me know if you need any help with the script or anything else, I’ll be happy to be of assistance,” Sol bows a bit.

“I most likely will. Alright, we’re heading out. Sunjae, thanks for letting us borrow your place.”

“No problem, feel free to do it again,” Sunjae smacks his back lightly.

“Sol, we can drop you, if you’d like?” Taesung offers.

Before Sunjae could intervene, Sol shook her head, “thank you but my friend is picking me up, we’ve a plan later.”

Taesung nodded, “have fun! It was nice seeing you all these years later.”

Sol went red, shaking her head and fiddling with her fingers, “don’t remind me, please! I’m sorry for not recognising you right away - I don’t remember a lot of things from back then.”

“No worries, see you later,” Taesung waves at her before nodding at Sunjae in lieu of a bye. Sunjae did the same, closing the door after Hyunwoo and Taesung.

He turned around to see Sol on a call.

“That’s fine, Hyunjoo. If it’s inconvenient, let me know and we can reschedule,” there was a pause, “okay then I’ll see you.”

Once Sol hung up, she looked up at Sunjae before hurriedly looking away, leaving him confused.

“Would you like to eat something while you wait?” He asked, walking to his kitchen.

“No, I’m fine, thank you. She’ll be here soon,” she says.

Sunjae turns around and leans against the kitchen island to look at her, who was still looking away.

“Is there a problem?”

Sol sees him then, “no, why would there be a problem?”

“Then why do you seem like you can’t stand to stay a single extra second here with me?” He asks in a measured tone and pace even though his heart was beating erratically.

“No, there isn’t anything like that,” she looked away again.

“Say that again while looking at me, please.”

She looks up at him but isn’t able to hold his glance.

“So, there really is a problem. What is it?”

He grabbed a chair and sat so they are more eye level even though they were a bit far away from each other.

Sol kept fiddling with her fingers, biting her lip.

“Sol.”

It still felt …tingly to say her name out loud.

She doesn’t respond right away but Sunjae waits until she finally speaks.

“You told Hyunwoo about me, didn’t you? He didn’t see my portfolio out of nowhere, it was you.”

She wasn’t asking.

Sunjae nodded and she took a deep breath.

“Why?”

“Because I liked your work and he needed a team,” Sunjae replies, leaning forward with his hands on his knees, facing her.

Sol nodded, “How did you find my work?”

Sunjae considered lying but then Sol did a sad smile and he couldn’t say anything.

“Tell me this, did my work come first or Hyunwoo’s proposal?”

“But why does this matter? Hyunwoo asked me about the film because he knew I’ve been wanting to do something for a film festival. We were talking about logistics and I mentioned you and sent him your portfolio that I found online, that’s it. What is so wrong about this?” Sunjae asks, softly.

Sol looks away, biting her lip.

“I didn’t ask or tell you because I didn’t know if this would work out. Really, we don’t even know if this film will be made considering how we’re going about this at the moment and I didn’t want to string you along,” he continues, “Sol, are you mad about this?”

She finally turned her face to look at him, “I didn’t tell you about my job thing in the car so you can pull your connections and find me one, Sunjae. Yes, it’s been a struggle but I don’t want you to pity me and-“

“Hold on right there, I didn’t do any of this because I pitied you,” he gets off his chair and kneels in front of her, “I did it because your work is actually good. Even the employee at the production office kept saying it over and over again that your work was really good so it was never about your experience or quality of work.”

She looks down at him, “but you hadn’t even seen anything before you asked Hyunwoo, that’s the point.”

Sunjae took a moment, “yes, you’re right. I didn’t but I know you and your drive and passion for what you love-“

“You literally haven’t seen anything-“

“When did Eclipse debut?”

Sol frowned, “what is the connection?”

“Do you know or not?”

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I know?”

Sunjae smiles, “that’s the point. You’ve been dedicated as a fan to Eclipse for years. Isn’t that enough proof of your passion? I took that and applied it to your work especially after knowing how you feel about working in film. Yes, I looked up your portfolio later and I still haven’t seen the entirety of it - I saw some Eclipse things there as well - but I didn’t force Hyunwoo to take you on board, Sol. I told him about you and sent him your portfolio - it was his decision afterwards.”

Sol still looked uncomfortable.

“Why would I pity you?” He asks at last because he wasn’t sure he understood himself.

She hesitated, was about to say something then held herself back, then lightly patted her wheelchair.

“But why would I pity you about this?” Sunjae asks instead.

“It hasn’t been easy, Sunjae. Things usually also don’t work out like this. Even the fact that I’m talking to you - Ryu Sunjae - here feels like a fever dream. And you are a good person, a really kind person-“

“And that I felt bad for you because you’re in a wheelchair so I used my connections to get you a job, is that correct?”

Sol lightly flinched - barely there but Sunjae noticed and felt bad - and nodded.

He sighed, taking a minute to ponder how to go about this without invalidating her or portraying himself as something he wasn’t.

“Listen to me, I don’t care whether you can walk or not. It doesn’t hamper your personality, you are still Im Sol even if you can’t walk. Not once did I mention to Hyunwoo that he should hire you as a favour to me or to you. I just pitched you there, like my agent would pitch me to potential work opportunities. To be honest, I did a bad job because I made no introductions and didn’t even give you a winning chance. But it still worked out because Hyunwoo saw the same thing I did: incredible passion and personality. That’s all there is to it, please have faith in yourself, if not me.”

Just then her phone rang.

“I’m coming, I’ll be right down,” Sol takes it before hanging up.

Then in a small voice, she says, “thank you.”

This time around, Sunjae beams up at her, “I didn’t do anything but you’re very welcome. Please don’t think bad about me and if you think I did something wrong, please tell me.”

Sol shakes her head, “you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Is your friend downstairs?” He gets up and grabs two granola bars.

“Almost here. I should leave,” Sol wheels around to grab her bag and heads towards the front door, Sunjae following closely behind.

“Here, take these as a snack. Have fun tonight,” he opens the door.

“Thank you. It’s nothing special, we’re just going for a dinner at this new place that opened up,” Sol moves towards the elevator, pressing the button.

“Sounds nice. Say hello to your friend for me. I’ll see you off-“

“No, it’s fine. I can go on my own, thank you,” she gives him a small smile as the elevator comes up to their floor.

Sunjae’s voice hardens unintentionally, “I didn’t say you couldn’t go on your own, Sol. I just meant I would like to see you off but if you don’t want me to come I won’t.”

Sunjae steps back, waiting for her to go in.

“I didn’t mean in that way. I just meant I don’t want to bother you anymore, that’s all. Thank you for hosting, your apartment is very nice. And I’ll see you later,” she says, as the doors close.

Later, when Sunjae settles on his couch, his phone buzzes, with a message from Sol.

“I’m sorry to bother you but can you please tell Sunjae that it was less Eclipse and more Sunjae. He’ll know what I’m talking about. Thank you so much!”

Despite everything that had happened, a small widening smiles takes over his face as he slowly drifts off to a nap, knowing that Eclipse gave him the edge that he might not have had otherwise as just Sunjae.

[elliespuns]

How do you feel about everyone going nuts on TLOU fans for not posting about Palenstine on their blog or participating in the strike? Personally, I think they look extremely dumb because not posting about a video game isn’t going to save any lives and bullying people on the internet doesn’t help anyone either. I was just curious.

I'm talking about it more in detail in this (post).

I keep getting hateful messages where people call me a zionist because I don't share politics on this blog. I don't take it personally because the people know nothing about me. They don't know that I am on other social media sites where I am open to talking about it. People hiding behind anon ask and attacking me can't really get me bothered.

I made this blog to connect with people who love TLOU despite the creator's personal life (I really don't give a flying fuck about Druckmann; if he's a piece of shit, then he's a piece of shit). We don't love Neil Druckmann; we love what he once created. It is not the same. People calling those who still enjoy the game zionists is as if society still called the people who live in Germany nazis. I mean, c'mon. This is social media, we like the product of someone's mind. We don't love or support the bad side of the conflict by fangirling about characters that don't even exist in real life. It's completely harmless, and I am not here to post politics. I've said it too many times already.

Not speaking about something publicly doesn't mean you support evil. People should realize that not everything is about sharing everything online. I am with Palestine in my heart and in my thoughts. Me saying those things out loud on a blog dedicated to TLOU would be completely useless because everyone involved in this fandom already knows how things are. Sharing about the conflict here would be like sharing facts about alcohol being bad for you at AA meetings.

[cinemastyles-backup]

Spill or Fill Part 2

Summary: After confirming their romance and getting engaged on James' show, Y/N and Harry continue to celebrate their engagement.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, unprotected sex, creampie, pregnancy talk, alcohol consumption, hair pulling, choking, general filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

DUNKIRK HARRY

"Congratulation you guys." Jimmy says shaking his head, "I can't believe it. That was.. an epic, epic proposal If I must say."

The crowd cheers and Harry grabs my hand, "Thank you, Jimmy." I smile and looks around to the crowds and back to him, "Thank you, Mr. Fallon."

He laughs, "Oh gosh, please. Jimmy."

I nod, "Thank you, Jimmy."

"So. How did you guys even keep this hidden for so long?" Jimmy asks leaning forward. I look at Harry and he smiles, "I will tell you that it was definitely a challenge. I mean, look at her."

He looks over at me and the crowd cheers.

I blush and shake my head, "Oh Harry."

He squeezes my hand, "It was a fight not to wrap my arm around her when we were getting coffee or something. I like keeping her close to me."

Jimmy nods, "Im sure everyone has had speculations about you but let me just- let's take a look at this photo right here."

A photo appears on the screen of Harry and I standing outside of a shop, "It looks like two friends grabbing coffee catching up on life, you know?"

I nod, "We were in fact dating. I think, belive it or not, I was telling him how I wanted to hold his hand or something along those lines."

"Wow. Really?" Jimmy laughs, "You guys.. I mean wow. This is incredible. I don't think I've ever met anyone who could keep something like this under wraps for so long. Now.."

He looks at the crowed then back to us, "What made you propose during the spill or fill bit?"

The crowd cheers and Harry smiles and shakes his head, "I had absolutely no idea she was coming on. Her and James kept it under lock and key, which was impressive, honestly." He looks over at me, "we've actually talked about whether or not to make our relationship public a few times. She said she wasn't opposed to the idea, and with that I just-" he holds up my hand, showing off my ring.

Jimmy claps, "That's amazing. I'm like, wow. I'm fangirling for you, y/n."

I smile, "Oh trust me. When I seen Harry down on one knee, I was.. I wanted to scream."

I glance up at Harry and he smirks. I know exactly what he's thinking about.

"You guys broke the internet, and I know that because I went to Google something and Google actually told me that they couldn't function because Harry Styles was officially off the market."

Harry bursts out laughing. He tilts his head back and claps his hands together.

I laugh and lean forward, "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious."

The crowd erupts with laughter and Jimmy shakes his head, "Congratulations to the both of you. I wish you the best of luck, and I'll be waiting for my invite to come in mail." He smiles and turns towards the crowed, "Thank you everybody, Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N!"

Harry and I wave to the crowed and walk over to hug Jimmy before exiting the stage.

"Hey guys." One of the crew says walking up to us, "Jimmy wants you to head over to to the Grand Lounge when he's done here."

I raise my eyebrows, "Oh?"

"Tell me he isnt." Harry smiles and the lady nods, "He is." She smiles and walks away.

"What is he doing?" I ask pushing myself against Harry. He shakes his head, "You'll see."

——

"Hey guys. Thanks for coming on." Jimmy says walking up, "Did Cheryl talk to you guys?"

Harry nods, "she did."

"Great. See you over there!" Jimmy walks away and Harry wraps his arm around my waist, "Come on."

I'm still so confused as Harry leads me out of the building. He pulls me closer to him as we step out.

Cameras flash and people scream.

He gets me to the car and I climb in as he follows behind me.

"You okay?" He lays a hand on my cheek as the car starts to move.

I nod, "Yeah. Yeah." I look around and raise my eyebrows, "A limo?"

He moves closer to me, "I requested a car with privacy because I knew that seeing you in this dress would just.." he leans in and kisses my neck, "Turn me on."

I tilt my head and lay a hand on his leg, "Harry." I whimper as he bites me gently, "Aren't we-"

"We have a little bit of time." He gets onto the floor in front of me and starts to slowly push my dress up. I bunch it up and move around to lay most of it behind me.

"I've thought about this the whole time." He pushes my panties aside and gently drags his finger up and down my pussy, "I knew you'd be soaked for me."

He leans in and licks a strip,"I can't keep my hands off of you."

Since our engagement, we've gotten invited for interviews, late night shows, everything you can imagine. We haven't really had a full day to ourselves, but Harry promised me that Jimmy was our last show and then we'd go away on a special trip.

I moan and arch my back off the leather interior as his tongue slides in and out of me, "Fuck." He moans against me and grips my thighs tightly with his finger tips digging into me.

I roll my eyes back and tangle my fingers into his hair, "Shit." I gasp and throw a leg over his shoulder, pulling him closer to me, "Fuck. Fuck, Harry."

I let out a loud moan and I can feel myself clenching around his tongue.

I've been so turned on lately, Harry will do anything to get his hands and lips on me. With it being so hectic the last few days, it's always been this, where he eats me out, or I give him a blowjob, or we fuck, but it's all so quick.

My legs start to shake and I let out a gasp, "H-Ha-"

He moans against me which sends me into orbit. My body tenses up and then relaxes along with my grip on his hair.

He slowly pulls away after gently kissing my thighs and pussy a few times and leans back on his calves. He smirks up at me and bites his lip, "God you taste fucking amazing."

He helps fix my panties and pulls my dress down, kissing my ankle and shin before he lays my dress over.

"How much time do we have?" I bite my lip, "You know what. I don't care." I move down into my knees on the floor and position myself between him.

He undoes his belt and watches me as I get his cock from his pants. He lets out a gasp and tilts his head back as I suck on the head. I semi quickly work my way down and bob my head.

He moans and lets a hand on my head, brushing my hair away from my face so he can see me swallow his cock.

"Beautiful." He moans lowly, "The way you take care of my cock is.." he bucks his hips and gasps which is followed by a whimper.

"Fuck baby." I can hear his finger nails drag against the leather seat next to him as he fights to not mess up my hair too much.

"Fuck." He curses as I bob my head faster, "Y/N." He leans forward slightly before slamming his back against the seat.

I can feel his cum shoot out and I suck him as I go to pop off, swallowing his load.

"You're so fucking sexy." He pants, "I'm getting you alone." He pulls me up to kiss him and he fixes his pants.

"Where are we going?" I whisper tracing his visible sparrow tattoo.

"A party."

"A party?" I repeat in question, "What for? Why can't we just go home?"

He turns his head and kisses my forehead, "You'll see, baby."

The car comes to a stop and he looks over at me, "You have a little.." he wipes by my eye, "Your mascara must have ran a bit."

I lean in, pressing my lips to his, "I need you."

"Soon, baby." He pecks my lips, "Soon."

The door opens and he gets out, extending his arm out to me. I grab his hand and get out, smoothing my dress with my other hand.

"Welcome to another engagement party." He leans in and kisses my temple before pulling me along with him.

We walk in and everyone cheers and yells, "Surprise!"

Jimmy is pointing to us with the beat of the music that's playing, "There you are." He walks over, "Happy engagement! Enjoy yourself!"

I laugh and shake my head, "Thank you!" I yell over the music. He walks away and I look at Harry.

He smiles, "Surprise?"

——

A few drinks in and I am feeling myself craving Harry more and more. His body pushes against my back and his hand slides onto my stomach, pulling my closer.

I bite my lip and tilt my head slightly. I push my ass against his crotch and grind onto him. He leans down and his lips brush against my ear, "What are you doing?"

I turn around and grab his suit jacket, "Trying to get you alone."

He smirks and nods once, finishing his drink and nods to the right, "Say no more." He grabs my hand and leads me through the club.

We come to a door with a sign on it that says reserved.

"After you." Harry says opening the door and motioning me through. I walk in quickly and unzip my dress as he's shutting the door.

The lock clicks and he turns around and smiles, "Someone is ready." I walk over to him and slowly unbutton his shirt the rest of the way, "Always ready for you, Mr. Styles."

He bites his lip and I drop down to my knees, undoing his belt and slipping his pants down his legs. I grab a hold of his boxers and teasingly slide them off.

He gasps when his cock springs free and I look up at him. I stick my tongue out and lick a line underneath and wrap my lips around his cock.

He places a hand on the wall and groans, "Fuck, y/n."

I bob my head, the sound of my saliva and sucking fills the room.

"Ah, shit." He gaps and grips my hair, "if- if you keep.. fuck."

He lets me bob my head a few times and pulls his hips back, "You're going to make me cum and I want to make you feel good too, baby."

I nod and he helps me to my feet. He takes me over to the small sofa and points, "Knees."

I get on my knees and grip the back of the couch. He takes off my panties, slowly sliding them over my ass, "Fuck. I love seeing you from this angle."

His hand falls with a loud smack onto my asscheek and i whimper out his name each time he does it.

After four, I can hear him drop to his knees and he pushes his face into my pussy again, his tongue lapping in between my folds.

I hang my head down and moan, "Harry."

He groans against me and pulls my hips back, attacking me with his tongue.

He pulls away and chuckles, "I am in love with you."

He stands up and i look over my shoulder at him, "I love you so fucking much."

He slowly pushes his cock into me and reaches up to grab my throat, "You look so beautiful when I slide my cock into you."

I moan at his words and dig my nails into the couch, "Fuck." I whimper as his grip closes tighter.

He slowly pulls out and thrust back in, "Fuck baby. You feel so good."

He lets go of my neck and grips my hips, his thrusts at a fast rhythm.

I arch my back down and push my hips back, moaning loudly as he fucks me.

"That's it baby." He groans, "Fucking let them know how good I make you feel."

I let out a scream, "Harry."

"Fuck." He pulls out and lays me down on the couch. He crawls on top and slides back into me, "I can't wait to make you my wife."

I bite my lip and smile up at him.

He leans down and kisses me as he thrusts deep, moaning against my lips.

I whimper and wrap my arms around his neck, "You make me feel so good."

He thrusts harder, "I wanna put a baby in you."

I nod, "Please."

"You want that, baby? Want me to cum inside of that beautiful pussy of yours?"

I moan as he thrusts deep into me, pushing me closer to my orgasm. "Mm, y-yes."

"Fuck." He groans, "Cum for me first, sweetheart."

I wrap my legs around him, clenching around him as I throw my head back, "Harry." I breathe out. I pull him closer to me and moan, "Fuck."

"Shit." Harry moans and pushes deep in me, his thrusts gradually slow down as he pumps his cum inside of me.

I run a hand through his hair and smile up at him, "Here's to new beginnings I guess." I laugh and kiss him.

"New beginnings." He whispers before he places his lips gently on my lips.

"We better get back out there. We're probably being looked for." I sit up as he stands up.

He nods with a smile and picks up my dress, "Let me help you get dressed."

——

You can find part three here

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated and don’t forget to hit follow! ♥

[omgsuperstarg]

#K-popaddock- Toto Wolff x reader

You know I love nothing more than K-pop! So what better than dance challenges with some of the drivers and even the boss man himself for some good fun in between races.

As a driver, you knew it had been stressful having to push the pedal to the metal every weekend but you loved it and wouldn't have it any other way. Everyone knew how much of a K-pop fan you were by the edits and dance covers you uploaded and they loved when you got the chance to show off your skills.

The Mercedes admin gave you the honour of creating some content for the Team Socials and the fans knew that in your spare time, you loved to dance especially to K-pop songs. So you started the #kpopaddock in which each race weekend you tried to do at least some challenges personal and fan-voted. So for the newest edition, it was time to see the other drivers on Grid show their moves and the poison was EXO Kai's Rover since it was the easiest and you knew most of the guys could pick it up well.

And so it began, it was enjoyable seeing the guys try their hand at the choreography. Charles and Carlos put their own flavour and comedy into the dance as you knew the C² would. Max and Daniel did the dance well and Lewis put his own style and improvised a dance to the song.

Now this was the moment that the fans would go ballistic over. It's a proven fact that Toto is a staple to the F1 internet and what better way to get the fangirls screaming than their fave principal dancing. The admin had him agree to do some content but he doesn't know what kind so it was time to break the news and document it.

"Hey boss man, I hope you're ready for your special challenge", you say smiling hiding your evil intentions on what your boss has to do.

'"I hope nothing too difficult and embarrassing.", the Austrian principal speaks with a hint of amusement.

"As we all know, you can party hard and dance so I want to challenge you to bust a move utilizing some k-pop choreo and the whole garage is going to be your personal cheerleader", the garage erupts into cheers and whistles with some taking out their phones ready to capture the moment.

Toto's face resembles a cherry with blood rushing to his cheeks but knowing Toto he's not one to refuse but I did have a stipulation if he did forfeit.

"Just so you know sir, if you fail to accept you must wear wolf ears for the remainder of today's proceedings. So choose wisely!", you say in giddy excitement.

You could hear him mutter in German at the mess he's about to enter.

"Don't worry boss, your dance will be cool and simple to complete and that song is 2PMs My house. Get your popcorn yall cuz this is finna be a show you'll never forget", you profess like an announcer at a circus saving the best act for last.

You begin to teach Toto the moves and he's a surprisingly quick study, its always nice to see the man you look up to have a little breather since race days always have him stressed and the cherry on the cake is that it gives the team a morale boost.

"You think you're ready Mr. Wolff?", you inquire to your commander.

"Yes, I hope I don't embarrass myself too much. I'm marvelled at you. Not only you're a great driver yet here you displaying another facet of your talent. Im quite proud of you.", he confesses after which he gives you a huge wolff hug.

NOW ITS SHOWTIME!!! With all cameras at the ready and baited breath, this was his debut and you placed the cat headband on him for good measure and then the music started.

It was such a huge moment that even some of the other garages came to sneak a peak at the powerful Wolff getting his dance on and in the end, he did pretty great and the crowd loved it. Some cameramen even documented it live. It was truly an ICONIC Toto moment! You didn't think Toto was able to move his hips like that but he proved you wrong.

You even sent the video to Mrs Susie so she could see her beloved husband in action and she LIVED FOR IT AS WELL as well as little Jack laughing at seeing his dad dance😊😂👌

"AHHHHHHHHH, yep!!!!! This is millions-worthy right here. THE FANS ARE GOING TO EAT THIS UP!!!!!", you say as you observe the footage.

"You did really good Toto, im proud of you. The ears stay on", you said running to prep for the day's races before he can rebuttal.

Bonus Clip

At the end of the day, you placed P4 and to celebrate you had one more challenge to do and it was a compilation of Lee Chaeyeon's Knock. You've been practising for all four levels of the dance and now it's time to bare the fruits of the labour. Dressed in your outfit, you proceeded to leave it all on the track for everyone to see!

[f1amboyant]

I can't get the idea of Engineer Carlos AU out of my head. Can you tell me more about how hot and popular Carlos is? I imagine something like

there are actually many fan accounts created only for him lol there are those hit tiktok vids of him (like the one with 'hey my sexy lady Ferrari mechanic')

cameraman knows what he is doing and always delivers. Like during the race or red flag, cameraman likes to show Carlos

Carlos is effortlessly hot and he doesn't know how popular he is. He just smiles shyly when fans ask for a photo with him when he walks with Charles in the paddock. Charles is a bit possessive and silently glares at that poor fans lol i love jealous Charled

Also Carlos is gonna be the best strategist. Pls write some races that shows how genius Carlos is

And the angst like there is rumour about Red Bull offering Carlos doubled his current salary and Charles is afraid to ask Carlos about it

Yeah. Pls write something about this AU. I will take any crumbs. Hot engineer Carlos🔥

Hi there anon!

Thank you so much for asking about this AU (from this post). Engineer Carlos is so so dear to me. And we’ve been getting soooo muuuuuch content lately (the pics of him in the pit wall with headphones on just make me go feral 🔥).

You pretty much nailed it with all your ideas, that’s basically what I have in mind for this AU! But here are some of the ideas I have:

So, Carlos becomes Charles’ race engineer in 2021. The public doesn’t know about him, maybe some Spanish media talk about the son of Carlos Sainz Sr getting a more important role in the team, but in general Charles is the talk of the show (of course he is, he is the predestined.) So it’s almost a random thing when fans get the first pictures and videos of Carlos on the paddock with Charles and on the pit wall.

Fans start to notice. “Who is this hot man with Charles? New race engineer? Who is he? We need to know??”

It’s just really small glimpses at first but the fans get more and more curious each time.

Halfway through the season, there are multiple accounts dedicated to Carlos, scrounging the internet to know who he is and find as many pictures of him as possible. They compile every glimpses they get from the media on race weekend. They ask Ferrari admin to show more of the hot engineer “we love Charles but please we need to see more of this hot piece of cake, can we know who he is?”

The cameramen on the paddock slowly start to get the idea and we get more and more of Carlos. Plus, we hear their exchanges on the radio and omg are they… are they flirting on live television??? They work well together but is this banter?? Is this flirting?? Omg?? So yeah, fans go crazy for Carlos. Ferrari even capitalizes on it, using Carlos in the team challenges (there were several challenges in past years where the drivers paired with some guys from the team, so imagine the chaos it would be Charles and Carlos pairing against the other pair of driver and engineer). Fans go absolutely crazy for it. The fan accounts for Carlos are going insane.

Carlos is absolutely oblivious to all of this. Charles on the other hand sees all the fans thirsting over his race engineer and gets so so soooo jealous. Joris has to take away his phone so he can focus on the race weekend and so that Charles doesn’t comment on every picture of Carlos with something like ‘he’s my race engineer, back off!’ He gets more and more touchy with Carlos, always having an arm around his shoulders, clasping his hand and holding it far far longer than is necessary.

Carlos is oblivious to his own fame, but he’s still online. He has a secret account (shoutout to @tiramisufrappe for this particular idea) where he posts cute pictures of Charles, commenting on how cute and adorable he is, and just look at him he is the prettiest can you believe it. So yeah, Carlos is Charles' number one fangirl.

Of course, Carlos is also so so talented, especially with the race strategy. He goes against the team orders on multiple occasions, giving Charles a better strategy until at some point, they just let him do what he wants. I can imagine something like that:

“The team wants you to pit. Thoughts? Question?” “I… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I can’t pass these guys and we’re going to lose and…” Charles is starting to raise his voice and get frustrated. “Charles,” Carlos remains calm and so so composed and his voice is sooooo soothing. “Tell me how you feel in the car. Do you have the pace?” “Yes.” “Can you maintain this pace?” “Yes.” “Okay then. The team wants you to box, I say you stay out. What do you want?” “I don’t know. I trust you, Carlos.” “Then stay out, stay out.” panning to Carlos’ face on live television and the rest of the pit wall looking baffled and repressing their anger (they cannot show it now but you can feel that it’s not going to be good for Carlos when this is over). They win the race.

And oh my god, the Red Bull offer is such a good idea!! The added drama. The thing is, no matter the salary, Carlos would never leave Charles. It’s his driver, if he’s going, Charles has to go with him. So he’s not even considering it. But Charles doesn’t know that and he gets all scared and angry and finally he kisses Carlos. “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.” And that’s how they finally end up together!

Thank you so much for your question anon and I hope long answer is not too much 🫣 I have a lot of other WIPs to focus on first but I hope I can write engineer Carlos at some point because I love him so so much.

The question now: if Carlos is not a driver, then who is Charles’ teammate at Ferrari in 2021 and afterward?

Feel free to ask me more about this AU or other ideas. My ask box is open!

[mindibindi]

hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

[graylinesspam]

Glad you’re finally updating your ASOI series!! haven’t heard about it in a while

Speaking of… I had a thought the other day about the public’s view on the clones (and I had no one to share it with so I’ll just dump it in your ask box if you don’t mind)

Anyway, civilians in most of the clone centric fics I read are very hostile towards clones for some reason and I find it very implausible.

Just think of it, there are genetically modified soldiers who are badass, wear cool armor and are also extremely hot.

And now imagine if that happened in real life… I really think people would love them and also sympathize with them due to them technically being slaves. And Ahsoka’s interviews would only add fuel to the fire because now they have NAMES and can hear stories of their beloved heroes.

But what’s more important, everyone would be thirsting over them.

And what happens in real life when people unanimously thirst over someone? They make edits. They make edits and write fanfiction and create whole ass blogs dedicated to the object of their thirst.

I bet the boys constantly record holos of them being badasses on the frontlines and a lot of recordings would mysteriously end up leaked, so the editors would have more than enough material

I can imagine Ahsoka sending Rex some holo and it’s an edit of him to the most unholy track you’ve ever heard which has like a billion likes and WILDING comments (something among the lines of “he walks like it’s heavy” with the replies “I can hold it for him”). He honestly doesn’t know how to react to that, like he is mortified (and a bit flattered really).

And some parts of it might actually be cannon given how many girls hang out at 79’s, they definitely know where the good stuff is ;)

And then the fangirls become a big group of clone-sympathizers who go on strikes for for clones’ rights and it somehow leads to the discovery of the chips and somehow palpatine dies and order you-know-what never happens and the war ends and clones get refund for years of service and everyone lives happily ever after. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

No but this 1000% percent. You nailed it in one. Theres already a lot of bad feelings toward the jedi that Palpatine has been sowing the seeds for a long time. So I'd be hesitant to say that the citizens are immidietly chill with the clones. That's just not how the propaganda machine works. Especially since pretty much the only reactions the citizens have to the clones in cannon are negative. HOWEVER, firstly the anti-clone protests are primarily on Coruscant where the clones are not doing anything positive, they're acting as an unwelcome military police (which is literally always bad) or they're being drunk and disorderly in public (which is objectively funny).

But as for the rest of the galaxy? especially the planets where the clones are actively doing some good? GIRL. The republic is trying to portray the clones as a professional unified military force, but Ahsoka totally undermines all of that by bringing clone business to public attention. And as internet culture always does the citizens have a fucking field day with every scrap of information she gives up.

Like babes you have no idea how much of this AU is fueled by me joke watching clone thirst traps and thinking "I bet this would actually happen in SW" It starts with the public hounding her for details about Anakin cuz he's like a heart throb and she's all like "can we talk about anything other than how bad you all want to fuck him?" and she insists on talking about the clones instead, so all these thirsty ass hos who've hopped on the stream to hear some juicy Anakin content get introduced to a ROSTER of clones instead and some are like "y'know they are kinda cute" and then theres simps and people asking all kinds of questions about them and Ahsoka's doing shitty personality breakdowns.

I just don't know how to write that content in a way that's like Interesting. like just get on tiktok yourself i guess.

But like also Ahsoka reading the guys to filth too. Like she starts hyping them up then realizes that she's just fueling the simps so she just starts being painfully honest with the fangirls about their favorite clones.

like "wolffe girlies, I hate to tell you this, He does not give a fuck about you. He is not the grumpy to your sunshine. the man is a surely old bastard. He's like 6 I think? doesn't matter he was born a pissed off old man. He doesn't like you. He'll never like you. He likes exactly five people in the entire galaxy and I'm not even on that list anymore. And you don't even want to know what I had to do to get on it. Please realize that you are not special and he's not secretly soft and protective on the inside. He will hurt you're feelings."

And when I say that she is ALWAYS ragging on Fives. Every time she compliments him she has to pause and say "This is just gonna go to his head." And she takes every chance possible to humble him. "He might be one of my favorite brothers and one of the best men I've ever known but he's a fucking disaster. If it wasn't for my entire force ability and the best luck streak I've ever seen he'd be dead." She knows he thinks he's a hot shot ladie's man and she will NOT support his ego.

With Rex though? GIRL! Ahsoka shows such obvious favoritism for Rex. She shares the most information about him and his fandom absolutely pops off. He is that clone. footage of him and his easy-to-identify blonde hair absolutely flood the fan sites. THE EDITS??? THE COMMENT SECTIONS????? But Ahsoka's like nah that's MY Captain. (I don't ship them at all but I do think of Ahsoka as a very possessive person and Rex is literally her platonic soul mate) Like she's split between saying "Of course Rex has the biggest fanbase he's the single best man in the galaxy. literally, the only man who hasn't disappointed me. he's perfect of course they like him." but then also, "None of you are good enough for him. You should be honored if he shows interest in you on account of him being perfection incarnate"

The clone fandom in my Au mimics the actual one quite a lot including the small personality traits of the clones being way over exaggerated and then universally accepted. Like Kix gaining popularity bc Ahsoka still responds to all questions about her health and wellbeing with quips like "Of course I took my meds, wouldn't want an angry medic on me" and "Yes i disinfected the wound. If I didn't Kix might have a stroke" or one time she shook a vitimin bottle and said "See Kix, I'm responsible, I'm taking them."

I could seriously go on forever like this, I've practically written an essay already. But yeah. You get it.

[sleepnoises]

books i read this month !

Everything I Need I Get from You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as We Know It by Kaitlyn Tiffany it was fine! i think she doesn't fully flesh out her greater points and instead allocates that space to bonkers one direction fandom anecdotes, which is okay, i like reading them. was DELIGHTED she cited barbara ehrenriech, who it turns out has written about beatlemania.

Dawn & Adulthood Rites by Octavia Butler woman wakes up in a room. there is an alien there. situation develops. unpredictable worldbuilding, deeply respect ms. butler's ability to Get Weird With It, do think i wish this one was just a smidge less heterosexual, thematically. it's already not that heterosexual (there is an alien there). still haven't read the third one!

The Murders of Molly Southbourne and sequels (novellas) by Tade Thompson becca posted about this i believe. every time molly southbourne bleeds, a molly springs up from her blood and tries to kill her. grimy! compelling! does get a little overexplained at the end. also it's been said but it's such a plot hole that her parents didn't have a contingency plan for her starting her period

Ducks by Kate Beaton graphic novel memoir of her time in the albertan oil sands working to pay off her student loans. hhhhhhholy shit. my dumb ass read all these reviews about how it "captures pervasive misogyny" and still went in like :) i liked the excerpts with animols :). really stunningly empathetic and evenhanded. that misogyny sure can viscerally haunt !

Women's Work: The First 20,000 Years: Women, Cloth, and Society in Early Times by Elizabeth Wayland Barber kinda skimmed through the last third of this because it was overdue & read the rest of it in nov-dec but i liked it a lot! especially her bits about reconstructing textile history from things that don't rot as easily, like loom weights or language. also the bits where neolithic people made fancy patterned cloth just because they wanted it to be nice

Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo gotta get a guy out of hell. horny!!!! (demon pun)

Readme.txt by Chelsea Manning memoir of growing up, being very online, joining the army, leaking classified data, receiving the full (& at the time unprecedented for whistleblowers) force of hatred of the us federal govt. oh jeez. oh boy. i was on a reading about plane crashes kick last week and this kind of hit as a similar exhaustively detailed negative extreme of human experience. it's also inescapably a period piece of the back half of the 2000s, and as someone who was a stupid teenager in the back half of the 2000s, it's good(?) to come back to it as history? glad she's OUT

also read half of The High Sierra: A Love Story by Kim Stanley Robinson and now i want to be in the sierras.... but it is under so much snow right now....... Alas!

[erzbethluna]

Six Sentences Sunday (except is an art process)

Well, hello there, beautiful creatures! :D thank you so much for the wonderful tags!!! they mean a lot for meeee!! I haven't posted in a bit, doing a master is a bit stressful. But! I'm always lurking around and seeing as much as I can the amazing things you all are creating!! As you might know, I'm right now doing lots of fan work for my amazing and beautiful friends @confused-bi-queer and @hushed-chorus, which stories are very close to my heart <3

This time, I would like to share my art process. It is a contrast between the traditional art, and the digital one. Each process is different with each person. When you want to represent something someone else created, it is important to get as many insights and feedback from them, and know the source material. Previous: The Talk ™ First and foremost, you need to talk with the author. Maybe if you are doing fanart, is not that needed. But when you are doing a collab, it is important to be in the same channel as the author, and have a brainstorming about the ideas, vision or insights they might have. Contrasting ideas, situations, deciding which illustrations are more viable, scheduling the releasing, etc. all those topics are important! Feel free to suggest creative adjustments, might or might not work for the author, but is worth the shot. A creative idea is never a wasted one ;) once you have decided, then is time for: 1. Sketching

The sketching part is very important! You layout your scene for the first time! start deciding where light and dark will be, the color palette, the feeling you want to evoke, and work with the expressions the characters will have. It doesn't need to be perfect to be a good sketch! It needs to evoke the idea! This stage is the same in both traditional and digital, at least for me. I always start on paper :) I show my sketches to the author, and we fangirl together ;) then (after maybe some adjustments, maybe a whole new sketch) they approve the idea! Is time for: 2. Lineart

Lineart is different for traditional and digital, but not really. For traditional, I first decide which kind of medium I will use. This will be crucial for the materials I will procure myself with. This time I went for watercolor with a bit of mixed media, so I needed a paper strong enough for the watercolor to behave. Then, I chose the liners, which are waterproof and light fast. I line with 0.5, 1.0, 4.0 and some edged broader pens meant for calligraphy. In digital, I work with a Wacom bamboo and Photoshop, and I use some hard brushes with pressure sensitiveness activated. You can customize your brushes, or use packs available on the internet. The wonders of digital are that you can make as many mistakes as you want, and you can always go back. I usually paint my lineart in the darkest shade I will use in the whole illustration, but never black. When you are happy with your lineart, then is time for:

3. Colours!!

The fun part! The one I enjoy (and suffer) the most!! Color. I love painting, but both traditional and digital can be as demanding as you wish! In traditional, you have to be more careful with the mediums. Watercolor is such a wonderful and nightmare way of expression, because you can't really control it. You have to be ok not being in that control, understand how it behaves, and work fast. I always end up adding acrylics for color enhancing, lights, and specific details I want to represent. Let your work rest, I can have a finished piece in two hours, or in three days. In digital, unhinge. Unhinge my child, have fun! You can correct, filter, move values and start again as much as you want!! There are so many brushes, so many filters, so many textures, the whole color palette light allows! Have fun! But two important things I always do: make a folder for each character. Don't be me some years ago, when I used to paint everything in a single layer, or not name any of them. Order is important when you want to correct things. Also, I encourage you to limit your color palette, this way the whole illustration makes sense. I always do something I call 'The ambience layer', where I put a layer over the lineart and everything, and I add lights, shadows, textures, etc. not specific of any object but of the whole scene. And I always add filters and color correction and tweak the values here and there. Great! Now you have a: 4. Finished piece

You have finally finished! Make sure you sign your pieces, and you give them digital treatment if you are going to publish them on the internet. Always work with RGB values, and export for web :) always send your advances to your authors, and send the finished piece via e-mail, so it doesn't lose quality. - - - - - - So yeah, this is basically the whole process :D soon I will share a different process with different versions of the art involved. Would you like me to create a guide with export values and formats and all that jazz? I hope you enjoy this! :D Please check the fics these pieces (and many more) were made for: The Rise and Fall of Us and What Remains After the Storm. I tag: @hushed-chorus @confused-bi-queer @kohatenz @artsyunderstudy @moodandmist @mostlymaudlin @palimpsessed @henreyettah @aristocratic-otter @cynopoe @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @wellbelesbian @skeedelvee @cattocavo @krisrix @johnwgrey @asticou @takitalks @ionlydrinkhotwater @dragoneggos @ic3-que3n @castawaypitch @ileadacharmedlife @stitchyqueer @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @thehoneyedhufflepuff @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @bazzybelle @basiltonbutliketheherb @nausikaaa

[non-neutoniangender]

Well the train is started and so I guess I'm watching episode 35.

McAdverbot .... Sam this one is good, but you can't rap lol

Top table has a new member..... :/ I'm not sure putting Fearne next to Chetney was a good idea...

Oh I hadn't realized that they lost their note-taker

10k gold 👀 Thats a lot.

I gotta say, I love portable holes as a extraplanar storage option, because they require organizing, like you can just chuck shit into a bag of holding with very little care but with a hole, its just a easy to carry, very large box.

(Also its really funny how the starting storage options are worse in each subsequent campaign, bag of holding -> haversack -> portable hole)

Treshi got involved in stuff he didn't quite fully understand huh... Interesting that he is in some ways happy to be pulled out of it.

MOLD STORAGE!!!!

I love the question of "Is Laudna undead"

"I'm tired of leaving people behind" ....I should've finished EXU

Its really interesting that they players have to ask "is this above board or does your character know this" with regards to Delilah. The whole situation is very interesting

The whole "take notes about the briarwoods" is a really funny bit. I really like how big this world has gotten that character knowledge is much bigger than player knowledge in ways that doesn't happen in a typical campaign.

Sam....... the flask...... its way too on point, but its also such an odd callback to c2.

"at this point we're friends" found family my beloved!

I need to be normal about Matt playing his wife's character.....

I'm not being normal about Matt playing The voice of the Tempest

aaaaaaaaaaaaa voice actors are good at their jobs

"That is the best use of wood I've ever heard of" Chetney 🤣 I love how much everyone is essentially fangirling over keyleth, to be fair, she is a very cool level 20 character....

Oh this was back in the ✨Enhance✨ era of the internet

"Wow that was a big waste" "Ok Jester" What a great comeback. (you poopin?)

"Sweet little metal boy" good LORDY

Poor Ashton with character development. They're going soft. He's not happy about it

SAM MADE A SPELL!??!?!?!?!?! Share Dream?!? thats so fucking cool

Also I love the casts reactions to that.

Chetney just accidentally yelling

Since Travis loves a good d6, he should play a wizard!

Finally googled the meaning of Pyrrhic.... a good title choice.

I really appreciate that Matt is continually correcting people on Xandis' pronouns, I don't appreciate the cast continually forgetting.

.....oh my god. Will is gone because the resurrection didn't work....

Thats so much worse, I hadn't thought about that....

God I had almost forgot there was a city on the moon. Moon's haunted

I really love the idea of ashton, I love how dunamancy is now a central part of the world

Anyway, these mind sequences are very cool, I love them.

How does Matt even come up with, or plan these things?!?? I can't even imagine

"There is strength, but there is pain. There is pain but there is strength" good God!! Matt, that is so cool.

Oh my god Ashton..... poor kid.

I... I love this story though. Ashton. And the chronic pain is..... wow

It's really interesting to watch them try to figure out dunamancy from zero knowledge and just random stuff.

Perhaps not definitely, but I bet Matt's description of the inside of Ashton's head with stars and possibilities would've been different if the person had seen inside a beacon before.

"Do any of us know who we are?" asking the right questions

Delilah is dying with Laudna........ good God.

Man these players created some fucked up characters.

The moment of realization that the wisdom save was against Keyleth's scry lmao.

Keyleth!!!!!! I love her!!!

I love how she's like, buckle up fuckers, you're coming with me on a trip to whitestone.

Anyway, that episode was amazing and the ending was perfect, I cannot wait to find time to watch the next one!!!!!

[hammerhead-jpg]

I get in a mood sometimes

When I say cringe culture is dead and I'm cringe but I'm free I mean it

Not just liking anime, kandi and scene fashion, I mean all of it

If you're gonna say that cringe culture is dead it also applies to the beginer artists with bad anatomy and proportions, the furries, even the fat MHA cosplayers lip syncing "this is my todoroki"

Because back in 2018 or so during the sans fan girl era I was too much of a smartass kid to enjoy it for the camp goodness it was and instead had to be all fangirlmania "heh...you can't kill people over the internet 🤓"

Like I'm not joking when I say that the stars had to align for the sans fan girl craze to happen. If we actually exist in a multiverse where there are an infinite amount of universes then this is either a canon event or it only happened in this universe and no else

Like how do you explain that around 2018 a bunch of girls ages 8-13 made videos on YouTube roleplaying as their usually furry oc/persona(?), usually with flipaclip or a movie maker slideshow, declaring that a character from the game Undertale is their boyfriend AND husband, and that said character is so heavily removed from his source and his own personality that he might not even be there and- get this -they would make videos roleplaying and drawing out the (sometimes kidnapping and) murder of other sans fangirls because they were stealing sans away from them? And the declared "bad" fangirls eventually grew up into normal people while the "good" fangirls turned out to be horrible weirdos???

I can't describe to you how much I wish it was still socially acceptable to create a killing video of a person you're having internet beef with. Like imagine you're like "why are you talking about the vega ba, aren't you a mineral?" And then you're tagged in a video of their persona kidnapping, torturing and killing you?? I mean you'd probably be disturbed and think it's some sort of death threat but they win the argument instantly!

(btw if you have no context of this I know "killing videos" might sound very troubling but I promise they were kinda badly made and silly and no one really took them seriously, like if you look them up you'll know what I mean I swear they didn't have the same vibe of someone telling you how they're gonna kill you in your Instagram dms I swear)

You might be saying "okay I get it mr hammerhead you're nostalgic but even if you look at it from the lense of fun camp random videos made by 8 year olds aren't that entertaining"

And you're right, most of them aren't really

But there was this one person.

And their channel is still up, but I don't want to say their username cuz I don't know if this would be considered good or bad rep?

Anyways this person started off like any other sans fangirl at the time

Flipaclip curcle tool lil drawings, "hello my name is ___ and sans is my boyfriend and well if you take him away... you're gonna have a bad time"

They made regular killing videos where their character would kill other sans fangirls

But overtime things changed

The production quality because better and the stories became elaborate

Now, they were only killing out of necessity

They felt ashamed at their past self for going onto murderous rampages, but now, they had to kill to protect themselves or the people they cared about

It had lore it had drama, it was literally nothing like I've ever seen before

And it had actual Undertale lore in it?? Like it wasn't just sans floating there aimlessly there were other characters from the game??

And guess what, one time, one of the people they made a killing video about incorporated the lore from that video into their oc story and they became friends?!?! Bro how cool is that???

And the person basically allows and even incourages people to make killing videos with their oc?? Honestly me too if you have beef with me man up and make a killing video about me I'm waiting

And yeah, it wasn't some masterpiece that rivals the classics but who would think that killing videos about sans fangirls could be this emersive??

Do you know how badly I wish I was a part of that during that time???

And then history repeated in 2021

You see, ever since watching my hero academia during the 2020 quarantine I was into making ocs for it

And it became a big thing for me too, I made so many of them, and I kept making new ones and then scrapping them because I wanted to make newer ones but didn't want to have a bijillion of them cuz I thought saying "yeah I have like 35 mha ocs" would be cringe

Like it was my big obsession before I got into redacted (besides like, the actual mha show, class1b and monoshin)

I kinda lost interest in them some time ago but I think mha ending and the new season kinda resparked that interest because I'm actually redesigning them right now and thinking about revisiting their stories!

But at that time, there was and still is a community of mha oc artists on Instagram.

I made a ton of memories in that community and I could talk about it for who knows how long but I'm not here to talk about it

The thing is, I judged "mary sue" type ocs so hard.

I wasn't a complete asshole don't worry, I knew not to go to their pages and send hate or even unwanted criticism towards them, and I wasn't the type to say that every character that had a strong power was a mary sue or that every character that has a sad backstory was a mary sue, I was approaching my bitterness from a writing perspective

And I don't think that was that bad. I just had a gripe with certain tropes and as long as I wasn't being hateful towards the people that displayed them then that's really not an issue.

The thing is: I love "Mary sue" ocs now

I can't help but look at my 2021 self like the comments on an old Solar Sands video about rewieving ocs

"hurk...erm... Am I the only one that has a STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUAL oc who is HUMAN, has ALIVE, LOVING parents and NATURALLY COLORED hair with NO scars, NO heterochromia and NO powers 🤓🤓🤓🤓"

Yes and you're extremely boring for it!

Like I can't help but find the "well written" MHA ocs kinda boring now. I want the "Mary sue" mha oc who has 50 different quirks, was adopted by aizawa and is in love with bakugo.

I never stopped to think that a "Mary Sue" oc is a product of a person prioritizing having fun and creating an oc that they find cool rather than worrying about if the constructive criticism youtube channel would think their oc is good enough!!

And yes, saying that I enjoy those ocs unironically and not just as fun camp wouldn't really be the whole truth, I'm not gonna "Mary Sue"-ify all my ocs now, but they still bring me joy in the way regular old mha ocs haven't in some time!!

But the thing is, there are barely any anymore!! The ones I knew either disappeared into thin air or redesigned their oc to be more "well written"

Just like making killing videos is no longer socially acceptable and that sans fangirl channel deleted most of their videos, there are no more fun "Mary sue" mha ocs and I was too worried about what was "not cringe" to enjoy them!!

In this essay I will

[de4dlyniightshade]

heyy :) erm im gonna fangirl really quick and then the request will be at the end incase you wanna skip to that part or anything, lol. okay so this is very much unnecessary and unasked for and blah blah but i don't care! i believe writers need to hear how much we appreciate them and their works because whew mama! ive been trying to write fics for like months and it actually is so horrible. i genuinely start to angrily vibrate bc my thoughts don't flow on the notes app. but i just wanted to say, nightshade, (ehehe that's so cheeky and silly for some reason) that i reallyyy love your work. its actually like horrific how much your writing just makes me so 😜😊🤭 i know you're not like a celebrity or anything, so it's gonna be weird with this like mini parasocial relationship thing, but please know your work has an impact !! a few months ago, i did something extremely bad and out of character while i was spiraling, and i decided that the best decision for me would be to quit using social media. (and beforehand i had quit using tiktok for like 7 months already and i wasn't that addicted to my phone but i still was consuming negative media) so, ofc, i stopped completely for a good month or so and only ever using youtube every now and then. buttttt, one of the first social media platforms i came back to first... was tumblr! it's actually so silly too because i only used tumblr like 4 times beforehand so i was quite new. but anyway anyway (im a yapper UGH) i really found that your posts had made me feel happy :) idk they kinda reminded me of myself before i went big bad that one time and it made me inspired to go back to how i used to be... u get me?? you're writing literally haunts my brain oh my lord it should be illegal to read your stuff because afterwards i literally have this crazy ass urge to read more and more and more. im lowkey an addict cause i be having my deadlynightshade withdrawals. the way you write is just so 😫 gosh, it's beautiful. i also love ur sillyness because like ME TOO. your random little posts are so me coded and i love it. YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😭 uhmm i just wanted to say thanks for being super cool and talented because believe it or not, the stuff you put out makes me really happy! (that was so melodramatic like mf they write about spencer being a pathetic pussy drunk bitch why are you saying it changed ur life?? its true tho.) erm yeah that's the end of that part i just again wanted to thank you 🙏 i wish we were friends SO BAD like you're actually awesome what the fuck.... but like how do u even become friends w ppl?? LMAO ERM ANYWAY 😍 can you write a blurb or h.c or something (honestly anything will make me happy) about valentine's day?? 🤭 basically spencer being SO FUCKING SHY because you can't stop touching his hands or hair subtly or like kissing his cheek leaving marks from lipstick or like getting him his favorite snacks/drinks/books/textures/ basically a gift that made u think about him?? ugh or him doing the same with you like him being the best fucking nerd boy ever and spoiling you so much like he goes ape shit spending well over his funds limit but it's worth it because it's you? or like sweet soft cutie pie sex? at the end of the day and he's like... Erm.. Pussy for 1 please! you were so pretty today... You always are-! (I'm mentally ill and writing this at 8:37 pm on a thursday night.)

this is. the sweetest shit anyone has ever said to me i actually cried ngl to you.

i'm genuinely so thankful for the little community i have created here i never expected such an insane amount of positivity and love from people just for the whack ass shit i write but that's probably just my perpetual self hatred and disbelief that people enjoy anything about me🤞

i think it's crazy how people on the internet who have never met me, don't know me, what i look like, or anything can treat me better than any of my friends have and i'll always be thankful for that.

ALSO! i love being called funny pls kiss me i never think i'm actually funny istg

i was also planning on writing a valentines fic ALREADY but this made me wanna write it even more as a thank you for this message it genuinely made my week(can't promise it ON TIME for valentines but i can try!)

i'm also so glad that my work and blog makes you happy, there's no privilege greater than making someone smile even when they don't feel like it</3

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

It might be because of Rise, But What the heck is going with the tmnt fandom? Like where is all this hate coming from in reference to be people shipping themselves with the turtles? Like i could understand if it was about them Actually being Turtles but its not. its about aging them up, its about TMNT x Reader in any form of relationship like not even just smut and i don't understand it. I was 10 when the 2007 movie came out and i INSTANTLY fell in love with Ralph, 15 when when 2012 show came out and i shipped myself so hard with Leo Like the fanfics that I've read would make anyone blush. Now that I'm older I may not be as much of fangirl over them but like i still like reading an ''X Reader" from time to time but I've been seeing so much hate for even thinking about aging them up. Like if this is something you've grown up with you're going to age them up and see how they would live life at an older age. Besides we have multiple iterations of the Turtles as Adults sooo I just thought you might know why or could give some kind of explanation of where this distain is coming from. I feel like its because the Rise Turtles are the youngest acting iteration we've seen so far. But as a fandom elder I'm kind of confused.

what in the tarnation...

That was quite a read this morning xD

First of all, I dunno why I would have an answer, to be honest. I'm basically just a 30 years something goblin that stays in her corner and keep on doing her things without attracting drama and hate 🤷‍♀️ I got no time and energy for that.

Second, people will be people. Simple as that. Not everyone has the same tastes. Not everyone will like the same things. For instances, I'm personally not a huge fan of nsfw content for the other iterations of TMNT - I wouldn't touch Rise with a 10 feet pole in regards to creating nsfw content. The Bayverse ones are the only ones because they appeal to my creativity. They look good. And frankly it's easier to imagine that iteration to be close to my age (personally, I HC Donnie to be my age when I write and draw stuff about him....).

I have indeed seen a lot of discourse about that matter on some corners of the internet. Both sides makes sense, but what matters most in the end is that as long as no one hurts anyone, it's all fine and dandy. Heck, we are responsible for our own internet experience. That's something a loooooot of people tend to forget, hence why they bring down the so called "hammer of justice" on others and try to control what they post about.

Bullshit on that. Do what makes you happy.

Do the stuff for you. Don't harm minors. And especially don't push your content to people who may be unwilling to accept it. As long as people are not writing and/or drawing the gang as minors, then I don't see the issue.

I've had my fair share of fandom bullshit. I now know that this experience is my own, I can shape it however I want, and I can share it however I want. People who happen to like my stuff are only a added bonus.