#how f-ckin rude

[roguedarkness]

As a bisexual I feel like I’m not allowed to like boys. Like, wtf. During pride month?! Preposterous.

[unicornteacup24]

So I watched Helluva Boss a few days ago (months as I post this lol). Full Moon killed me. I love it so much. Like OMG it's so good in the saddest way.

Alright, bullet point time!

The VAs did wonderful! (F*ckin opening number was hilarious.) The animation was on point! Also opposites attract.

Fuck the ex C.H.E.R.U.B.S (except Collin, he was trying his best), them seeing only the Lust-Ring and having a crisis is like the best thing 😂. They ain't ready for the rest of it.

Fizz and Blitz being friends is so sweet. Just yes.

And now the best (saddest) part:

I remember seeing people pick sides about the big argument between Blitz and Stolas.

It sucked to see Blitz tell Stolas that he loves him back, but him not actually meaning it because he thinks it's roleplay. Omg I wasn't ready!

Blitz misunderstanding why Stolas would give him the crystal because he's self-hating just smacked the hell outta me.

I'd like to preface this by saying, I was on Blitz's side the ENTIRE time (even in the present with the most recent episodes/shorts showing how much he actually cares about Stolas). People were pissed at Blitz, which is understandable ( All 2 U goes hard and I had it on repeat for about a month ngl) but I still sided more with Blitz. Like they both suck at communicating;no question.

But I feel like people overlook that their ENTIRE relationship was transactional from Episode 1.

Their friendship as kids happened because of a transaction between their dads. Blitz's dad literally sold him.

The conversation right before Stolas presents the crystal shows Blitz desperate and panicking because he needs the book while also feeling like Stolas is tired of him because that's what everyone told him it sounded like.

And it doesn't help with the class system they have that puts imps at the very bottom.

(Asmodeus (one of the seven sins) and Fizzeroli (a celebrity entertainer) are dating not-so-secretly and people still call Fizz a pet.)

(Striker was talking shit about Stolas being a blue blood and how their kind looks down on everyone and doesn't care about anyone.)

(Everyone calling Blitz impressive because imps don't start their own business which goes with the most recent episode of Millie telling Blitz in a flashback that they were grunt workers and that's what they're good for.)

(Honestly the way everyone talks to imps and the way Stolas talks to anyone who isn't Blitz is pretty rude.) Omg I just remembered the lady that was arguing with Blitz in the waiting room. What a bitch.)

(On a matching note, Stolas calls Blitz his plaything in like episode 6-7 when freaking out the secret agents. Plus in that same episode Blitz's trip vision has him chained and crawling on all fours to Stolas).

So it honestly makes sense why Blitz doesn't believe Stolas' feelings at first, then kinda throws them back in his face. He's self-hating, yes, but society really got imps in the dirt.

[zvcvxl]

Ellie Williams x Reader (ONESHOT)

WARNINGS!: mf you aint even reading this shit dont even

You’ve always tried distancing yourself from people outside your friend group, however, when attention is on you, you tend to act like its your natural habitat. Even when your at the brink of - pissing yourself, breaking down in a gut wrenching breakdown, killing yourself leaving.

And let’s just say boy’s are one of your biggest fears, don’t even mention when they are in a group, gosh, you just murmur under your breath, a silent prayer whether you believe or not…

Alcohol, drugs, smoking…listen you aren’t a pussy but you just simply decline usually when any of the three are offered to you, and it’s definitely not cus your scared.

If you even stepped a centimetre within the area of your crush chances are you would loose your shit and blush hysterically, one time you almost passed out, and let me tell you, your friends do not put that past you.

“what am I even doing here” you murmur to yourself at the ridiculously ridiculous situation you are in. Can you blame yourself though? I mean, if you weren’t sitting on large ass, crimson red brick, staring at the abandoned deteriorating building with glass shards speckled amongst the sweaty, dancing people which stunk with a pungent odour of weed and bitter alcohol, strike number one,you would have been facing major remarks from your friend group.

Scurrying to a more closed-off space, the melancholy symphonies evaporating within the orchestra of voices either singing, making out or doing what the f*ck ever. You dont care. Never really have.

As your eyes search the dark sector which only was getting engulfed by the frat boys being provocative and total dumbasses, strike number two, you curse under your breath which was followed by a fog due to the freezing temperatures and how exposed the building came to be.

It was a 40 minute ride from campus, something you normally couldn’t put up with, nor would your friends in reality, but if they’re boyfriends did? They did too…meaning you’d be the last one out and no-one wants that, so you ,reluctantly, join them. Immediately regretting it when you saw the building, frankly it was creepy, had multiple floors and you needed to really squint you eyes to see it was a hospital. And it was pitch dark.

The sound of your pulse may be heard when your nervous, and you’re here to volunteer as a tribute and agree with that dilemma given the circumstances of the situation you have voluntarily put yourself in.

As your walking around trying to make it seem like your not hysterically going to breakdown in tears of you dont find your friends because thats super embarrassing like a lost puppy you cant help but feel pissed at your friends, one for leaving you and another for having toxic ass boyfriends that dont know how to communicate for shit.

A scoff escaped your lips in which your bottom lip was caught between your teeth in a way of dangerous comfort, due to the fact you can taste the metallic bitterness of your blood flushed against your tongue. Suddenly, reminding you of saltburn and you cant help but grimac-

Ayo, what the fu-

Your head darts to the person who rudely interrupted your reminiscent reminder of saltburn by shoving past you with a harsh tone.

And then You see Her.

The girl who raves off of attention, feeding off it, craving for it, addicted to it.

The girl who pays no mind to groups of boys, frat boys, any boys.

The girl who dreads life when a single day passes by without drugs, alcohol or a quick smoke. She never misses on the opportunity, gosh, shed be the one offering.

Your opposite

Your enemy

Your reason for hating college

Ellie Williams

Her harsh scowl interrupts your brain from processing a response, her auburn hair tied into her iconic half-up-half-down which makes you cream lowk annoyed.

“What the f*ck?” You say with a glare that could only be gifted to Ellie Williams.

“not my f*ckin fault your dumbass was in the way” you swear its almost like she has these interactions preplanned in her head because of how quick she always is to reply.

Either way, you cant deny Ellie is totally having you cream piss in your pants right now. The way she stands in front of you with her dark blue skinny jeans and her stupid grey hoodie, she looks like a hobo but pulls it off because her face was gifted.

Her forest green eyes stare into my pigmented ones, shes waiting for my response, and so are a few people near us…

“You know damn well i wasnt in your way Ellie” Is the only way you can fend or even muster up for yourself in this given moment, your heart doing palpitations, hands shaking but folded beneath your chest.

Ellie chuckles, she never backs down and she sure as hell won’t start doing that now, even with her toying with the fabric of her sleeve.

She’s always right, after all.

“Coulda fooled me.”

You roll your eyes, isn’t she creative? “oh wow Ellie, your awfully funny today, want a cookie?”

gosh she just made your blood boil.

She always knew how to get under your skin

“Yeah sure, snickerdoodle sounds good. So thanks.” you don’t even have to look at her to see her smile you could practically sense it, she enjoys these back and forths you guys have.

To tell the truth, you do too.

Doing the smart thing, and totally not because your scared since attention is on both of you and the music is starting to die down you walk away…well I say that but people are quick to block your so called path.

And Ellie grasps your arms before you could even think to push them away.

“Oh wow, running away already? What happened to the girl who would stay and deal with all of my snarky comments.” The feeling of her hand on your forearm sends my neurons crazy, you feel a blush rising up your cheeks.

And why the f*ck is everyone looking at us right now?

You can't help but feel the world freeze for a second, adrenaline too hard to cope, anger through the roof.

And everyone looking at us, the frat boys, the unholy aroma engulfing my nostrils.

Strike number three

Ellie immediately retracts her hand from my arm and her skilled hand hovers over the stinging feeling, which found itself on her left cheek.

Your action was like gasoline pouring on a bonfire, your slap enough to make Ellie's rage burst into a roaring flame.

“You f*cking c*nt” the auburn haired girl spews, her eyes starring daggers at you as her eyes quick gloss at the arrangement of people surrounding the two of you.

And with rapid pace you take the hint that thats your cue to leave another one of your problems…only this one cant be ran from.

“sh*t-sh*t-sh*t-sh*t-sh*t-sh*t-sh*t-sh*t” Is all that escapes your slightly parted lips as heavy breathing almost conceals your profanity whilst strands of hair undone from your ponytail, beads of sweat trickling down your temples. Hurriedly, trying to squeeze through the people towards the parking lot.

The pang in your chest, your heartbeat, so loud Ellie could hear from across the perimeter of the parking lot. Before you could even reach the bustop you feel a firm hand grasp ur arm, so tightly that zinc could feel malleable. You feel your eyes widen and your breath runs shaky.

Looking down, seeing the veiny, bony, tatted hand on your arm you could only guess..no..know this was Ellies hand. However, before you had any time to react her voice roars into your ears and you groan audibly making her spit profanity’s at you left and right like it was her job.

“You fucking bitch!”

“Slut!”

Jeez…wont she ever shut the fuck up…you thought?

Ellies eyebrows twitched, her slit becoming more defined, her eyes narrowed. Dangerous silence engulfed the air making you choke.

“The fuck did you just say?”.

You so fucked up, you internally curse yourself for a mistake like thinking out loud.

Pause, why is she looking at you like that…or why does the moon make her freckles so evident, her eyes mesmerising, her lips softer? The subtle shine of the moon making her attractive. No but why is she inching closer?

Why are you inching closer?

As her eyes stare into yours, she dosent have to say anything, Ellie’s eyes are hungry for you, shes hungry for you.

Her soft lips graze yours

Her eyes close

Her unstable breathing

She, you, kiss. A desperate kiss, a needy one its perfect. You both become one flesh, the auburns girls hands grip your waist as if your gonna leave her, you find your arms slithering around her cold neck as the sound of you guys making out cancels out the frat music, your heart beats syncing. Both of your breaths so hot, panting, trying to salvage the kiss before you pull away to catch your breath.

“Breathe, baby” you both have a moment of staring at each other, the air becoming hot. She grabs you into her arms again. Taking you as hers, your lips smashing with hers again. Only thing different is that, this time her hands roam around your body, touching you oh so desperately. It seems as if shes guiding you somewhere, suddenly, you hear her keys jingling, a car unlocking.

A car door opening.

Ellie pushes you into the backseat of her car, harshly before slamming the door behind her and her emerald eyes catch you in a trance of consent and you nod.

“I need you so bad Ellie…fuck”

“oh yeah?” her lips curl into that stupid smirk.

“yeah baby” you breathe out.

“show me how much you need me then”

And thats all you needed, your fingers find their way to ur clothed cunt, the area wet with ecstasy. You can feel her eyes tracing every one of your movements.

“so wet already? Didnt even need to touch you babe, huh?” Ellies hot breath sends chills through you as you arch your back at the sensation of your fingers rubbing circles on your panties, growing wetter, needier.

She looks up at you, her brow arched as your spread legs close.

“Why’d you stop baby?” she says before realising your shaking too much your fingers cant find the right rhythm on your clit to pleasure you. She chuckles, finding your humiliation comedic.

“Tell me what you want” you tuck a strand of her soft hair behind her ear.

“use your words” She grabs your wrist to stop you from guiding her fingers.

“I need you ell’s, your fingers, your tongue” you huff out.

Ellie smirks, dipping her head in between your thighs, making you subconsciously spread. Her lips grazing the inside of your thighs, kissing them occasionally before she spreads you wider with her fingers emitting a light sigh from you.

As her tongue makes contact with your clit, she skill fully flicks as if shes done this a hundred times before which…wouldnt be too far off (you dont hope). Your hips buckle as she increases the pressure of her tongue on your swollen clit, the darkened car filled with the noise of your wetness and your moans.

Before you knew it, she was inside of you. Increasing the speed. “Taking me so well, hm baby? Such a good girl” .

CBA FINISHING

[glittervame]

It's shit.

This is the most random shit. Don't mind it <3

Heartbreak High x Oc! Reader, it's a teen drama you know what to expect

Pt. 2

I met Harper and Amerie when I was five years old, I had been dropped off by my mom, and my curls bounced behind me as I walked through the door being met by the sight of a girl with brown hair pointing at a picture that was on the blond girls' paper.

"What's that?" even if you weren't looking at her face you could tell that she was judging immensely, I walked up table peering over her shoulder.

"It's a crocodile" The blond blinked up at them, then frowned looking back down at her paper.

I narrowed my eyes as I tried to imagine the animal I looked at the green blob, "It's shit" being brutally honest, knuckles bumping the ones of the girl next to me in a fist bump. We both grin at each other as the blond across from us flips us off.

We've been best friends ever since.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

Nothing could ever come between us, like three peas in a pod, we've always been each other's ride or dies.

"One, two, three!" I count off as I clutch onto both of their hands as we jump into the pool. All three of us giggle as we splash each other as much as we can.

My skin was with a permanent swimsuit tan after that summer, it didn't go away until snow started falling and it just reminded me of how much fun I have with my friend.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

Harper and Amerie started getting super into romance, I said it was because they didn't have their own lives but they just shook me off accusing me of being a hater. Honestly, I thought it was amusing until they did it all the time.

I was trying to find myself during the time, I started experimenting with a lot of different things, currently standing at my locker with the girls I was trying to match my left eyeliner wing to my perfect right one when they started mimicking the couple across from us.

"I swear to God, Jessica, you know I'm good for it."

"If you touch her again I'll f*ckin' smash ya, ya cheatin' dog."

"No babe, I'm f*ckin'..."

"Kiss me."

When they started making kissing noises, I had to walk away.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

"Amerie. Hello?" I snap my finger in front of her face trying to get her attention.

Harper groans, "Amerie! Stop staring at Dusty, you're obsessed."

"It's fucking weird and you look like a stalker" I add, scrolling through my Instagram feed.

"Destined" Amerie sighs, "I just don't get it" She looks at said boy longingly before I smack her on the back of her neck, "Ow!"

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

"Honey, we're home!"

I raise my head from a lap when I hear Amerie's voice carried out through the quad and blink owlishly at the girl as our eyes meet.

A snicker comes from my right as my pillow slides off the wall and walks over to the girl, "Missing your fourth witch?" He laughs.

Amerie's nose scrunches, "Piss off, Spider" she snaps.

The blond clutches his heart dramatically, falling into his best friend's arms, "Ooh!"

I watch as Dusty walks over to the girl making small talk, I walk up as the girls start giggling and walking away, not even paying any attention to the fact that they had just bumped into Quinni.

"What a pick-me bitch. Also rude" Darren companies

"Maybe they didn't see us?" Quinni questions obliviously, looking after the girls.

"Oh, please. Check the material" They gesture to themselves, "We are beautiful, exquisite jellyfish"

"Glittery, glowing jellyfish" I chime in walking up to them.

"Amithest!" Quinni pulls me into a hug and Darren gives me a one-over, "What are we doing, going back in time?" They point at my black and white outfit.

I sigh dramatically, "It's all that fits me right now" placing a hand over my heart.

"You can't sit with us!" Darren playfully shreaks, crossing their arms over their chest, turning away.

I was about to retort when something caught my eye, "Ooo, fresh blood" I said looking at the new boy up and down.

Darren's lips parted as they were about to sit something, I'll never know what it was because someone started yelling.

"Oi! There's a fully-gacked sex map in the old stairwell!"

"Out of my way, you shits" I huff as I struggle against the crowd, I shove a guy out of my path causing him to fall into his friends, whispers forming around me, I look up at the map my mouth agape in aw, "What in the kid's helpline?"

It was a map of everyone who fuck everyone, a girl's name had a little note that read 'Couldn't walk for three days' I snorted at that, "That's true" Someone chimed in pointing at it.

"Cum queen!" A guy cheers from the back

I could hear Spider reading things off of the wall, "Jenny got fisted!" he clapped a guy on the back, Jesus "Mary's a good screamer-"

"We already knew about that" I chime in and he pushes my face away from him with his hand, "Dam check out Sasha's body count" He points. Dusty's mouth is agape as he looks at it, "Oh my god, what?" I giggle at his face before turning at the sound of a commotion.

"You scissored Greta Bathgate? Before or after we broke up?"

"I don't remember."

"You don't remember?"

"I'm pretty sure we were on a break, but... Wait, Missy."

"Nah, I need space, man."

"Oh shit," I let out a gasp, I elbow Spider in the ribs as he started laughing pointing to a name on the wall, "Dude, Darren jerked you off? Nice bro, you into dudes?" He wraps an arm around Ant, "A little cheeky, huh?"

Darren sharply turns around, "Who said I'm a dude?"

"Quinni, lazy kebab," a boy said somewhere from in the crowd.

Quinni came up beside them and started talking, but Amethyst didn't hear her she couldn't hear anything over the ringing in her ears as she looked at the map, and alas she had found her name on the map.

Amethyst ─── Bisexual ⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

                                                                ↳

                                                                                     Ant

                    Missy

[mbrainspaz]

just had a conversation that went something like [paraphrased]

me: 'here's a story about my past'

them: 'ah, you have avoidant attachment style'

me: 'haha, being diagnosed like that makes me uncomfortable, please don't. Anyway, here's a funny story.'

them: ''it wasn't a diagnosis.'

me: 'alright, still don't like it.'

them: 'what attachment style would you say you have?'

me: 'I actually don't want to use that framework. (here's a little background as to why)(maybe too much background).'

them: 'how dare you disrespect my framework. I was trying to communicate better.'

me: '... okay you can say I have avoidant attachment style. I just don't want to worry about it.'

them: 'I don't want to worry about you. I'm gonna rethink my boundaries.'

me: 'okay.'

anyway lemme f*ckin... cry into my asparagus I guess. I said 'I see I've upset you' to try and diffuse the situation and we just agreed to stop talking for a bit. I'm still upset because I don't see what I could've done differently without letting them talk about me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I probably shouldn't have over-explained but I'm stressed about other stuff and I always get hella wordy about it. What's the personality diagnosis—analysis?— for talking too much when you're stressed, but only in writing? Am I crazy or is telling someone they have avoidant attachment style basically the same thing as calling them a flaky narcissist, because that's what it felt like. Idk but in any case I thought it was broadly considered rude to make any kind of statement about a person's psychology or personality to their face like that unless they said it first. I also feel like this person is not going to vibe with the whole thing my fam has always done where we argue for sport. I'm trying to be less like my fam but that's regrettably a pretty core personality trait.

Should've been more avoidant about this attachment, then I wouldn't be so hurt.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (32)

Lepidus: Hello, Panem! Welcome back to our show, The Table Talk. I’m your host, Lepidus Malmsey for Capitol News-

Casca: Start the show already!

Lepidus: Fine! For this season’s ✨Stars of The Week✨, we have invited our beloved Mentors from The Academy to sit down and chat with us!

Mentors: Hello, everyone.😔

Festus: *Quickly stands up* Can I switch seats with Pup? Arachne is giving me a lot of “evil vibes” today.😬

Arachne: *Is still wearing a neck brace after the Sandwich Zoo Incident* Oh, don’t act so f*ckin’ innocent, Creed. You tried to kill me in front of my Tribute 2 days ago!

Festus: Kill you?! I literally saved you from being stabbed and choked to death by your Tribute, you ungrateful spider!

Arachne: Oh, yeah! You freaking shoved me first, garbage boy!

Festus: You punched my beautiful face and gave me a black eye, you spoiled witch!

Arachne: Pay my hospital bills first, you trash loser!

Festus: Pay mine, you monster!

Casca: At least smile and look happy while arguing!

Festus: I’m doing my best!

Lepidus: Can we go back to-

Casca: Dammit it, Creed! Sit the f*ck down!

Festus: Fine!

Arachne: Suck a di-

Felix: Alright! That’s enough! Let’s go back to you, Mr. Malmsey.

Lepidus: Finally! My first question is for anyone and everyone.

Felix: Ok. Let’s hear it.

Lepidus: So what were your first thoughts and reactions when you first found out that you got selected for the Mentorship Program?

Livia: Unsurprised as always.

Juno: As expected for a Phipps.

Florus: My parents almost smiled at me. Almost.

Felix: My granduncle created another useless national holiday to celebrate my success.

Coryo: My cousin baked me a cake made out of cabbages.

Sejanus: My father threw money at me like confetti.

Festus: To be honest, I wasn’t even aware of the program. I just got in, and here we are.

Androcles: Just like we planned!

Lepidus: What do you mean by that?

Pup: What do you mean by what?

Lepidus: Weren’t you all selected because you guys are simply the best and the brightest of your year?

Hilarius: Fairly selected?!

Livia: I’m so sorry but I never heard of her before.

Domitia: The Best and the brightest?! Who told you that lie?

Persephone: You’re joking right?! I mean, just look at us!

Festus: Me?! The Academy’s village idiot?!🤣

Florus: Half of my grades are sh*t!

Pup: Sleeping and skipping classes are my best subjects!

Palmyra: Who told you I was smart?

Apollo: I’m not even the best at finger painting class.

Dennis: Do people honestly believe that BS?

Androcles: Now that’s funny!

Lysistrata: I have at least 15 demerits to my name, you know.

Coryo: Physical Education hates me! And delusional Dean Highbottom hates me!

Sejanus: Dr. Gaul personally banned me from attending her class. And my grades are also sh*t.

Gaius: Don’t look at me. I’m just the class clown, bro.

Diana: And honestly, Clemensia’s the only student who deserves to be here fair and square. But as for the rest, let’s just say, we used other means.😈

Lepidus: What other means?!

Felix: Mr. Malmsey, not to be rude, but I have to know, who told these lies to you?

Lepidus: Your Dean told me-

Casca: I swear it wasn’t me!

Lepidus: Right. So just for the record, you’re all confessing, just now, on LIVE TV, and in front of me, that not one of you is a top performing student at The Academy?!

Felix: Unfortunately, yes.

Festus: Never was and never will be.

Lepidus: So you all have demerits?

Festus: My demerit count is 92 and counting!😀

Lysistrata: Shut it, Creed! You’re not suppose to say that on TV.

Felix: Yeah! What will the rest of Panem think of us now?!

Festus: Panem is thinking about us?

Coryo: Since when?

Lepidus: But seriously, how the heck did all of you become our official mentors then?

Felix: Ravinstill Nepotism!

Androcles: My mama blackmailed my way into that list, sweetheart!

Coryo: Easy. I just pretended to be Dean Highbottom’s dead boyfriend and persuaded him to add me on that list while he was drunk.

Casca: Crassus, my love, why did you betray me again?! I was super drunk!😭

Sejanus: Just ask my father. His money don’t jiggle jiggle. It folds.

Lysistrata: I just gave our Dean a free but fake morphling prescription.

Casca: That was fake?!

Livia: My mama threatened Highbottom with a fake tax evasion allegation.

Juno: I’m literally ✨Old Money Capitol Royalty✨.

Palmyra: Food poisoning.

Lepidus: Can you elaborate on that?

Palmyra: No.

Florus: Simple. The Ring twins and I just asked Urban and Io to hack the Dean’s personal computer and change the final list of Mentors before the day of the announcement.

Io: It was dangerous.

Diana: But it was worth it.

Urban: True. And to be fair, I was already on that list.

Apollo: Whatever you say, Math Freak.

Pup: My father just used his military connections while I was busy sleeping.

Persephone: My papa threatened to eat the Dean.

Dennis: I just convinced one of my professors to let me in.

Lepidus: How?!

Dennis: Do you want to receive a horse head before going to bed?

Lepidus: No.

Gaius: I just told another “your mama” jokes to one of the School Board Officials.

Lepidus: That’s it?

Gaius: Yeah. What more can you ask?

Domitia: My papa gave Dr. Gaul 200 chickens and 20 dairy cows.

Arachne: My mama promised the Dean and the whole faculty members a free vacation getaway this summer.

Iphigenia: I kid you not, my crazy papa threatened to destroy the food industry if I didn’t get in.

Vipsania: Clearly, I just got in because my aunt (Professor Sickle) threatened to throw the Dean out of a window if I wasn’t on the list.

Festus: Honestly, I just strolled into Heavensbee Hall, crashed the ceremony uninvited, sat down on one of those fancy “Mentors only” seats, and everybody just accepted it.

Lepidus: So you just illegally got in through sheer dumb luck?

Festus: Well, the odds are always in my favor, Leppy.

Clemensia: *sighs* So it’s true. I’m the only student who got in by literally doing my best.

Coryo: Yup. That’s right, Clemmie!

Clemensia: Why am I even here? Just to suffer?!😩

Sejanus: How about you, Heavensbee?

Hilarius: I just blackmailed my creepy father to let me in, or else I’ll stop giving him some of my cute and candid photos of Coryo and Felix.

Coryo: What the f*ck, Hilari!

Felix: How the heck did you take my photos without me knowing?!

Coryo: And why give them to your creepy old man?!

Hilarius: None of your business.

Coryo: Hilari, I swear I will literally file a restraining order against your whole family if you keep giving away my cute photos like candy.

Felix: My granduncle will hear about this!😡🔪

Hilarius: Why are you being mean to me?! It’s not my fault you two were born gorgeous!😭

Sejanus: Can I see those cute photos of Coryo?🥺

Lysistrata: Can I sell those photos?

Casca: Can I have one?

Lepidus: What is wrong with all of you?!

[ratsoh-writes]

How rude. It's not my fault you fell!!

-🐝

Pitch: GIVE A GUY A WARNING Y’ F*CKIN’ BUG!!!

[gravityknife]

Adventures of The 144p Progenitor

Introduce: The Zeddnought Cruiser

Story #6

"Kaishu," Ryoma murmured.

Kaishu didn't answer, being absorbed in his studies of hyperspace warp capabilities and wormhole travel.

"KAISHU!" Ryoma roared then sleazed. "Get your fat, doodoo a$$ over here, bro!... I rolled us up this fat f$cking dooooob, bro!"

"Remember what dad told us?" Kaishu tried to remind Ryoma, mothering him in a way.

Ryoma jested, "Duh-who? Dee— ayy— how do you spell their name? Doesn't compute."

He and Kaishu chortled.

"Ryoma, you're receiving a transmission from the USF," Kaishu noticed. He didn't want to be rude and share his opinion, but it was of his opinion that Ryoma was being negligent of what's important, and he was thinking dad would've grounded him, literally.

Ryoma didn't care. Ryoma was already hardened from a few battles, run-ins with pirates and strays from outlying vessels, and his personal experiences back on Earth.

"They can wait, bro! Come hit this with me," Ryoma said, smoking his oversized joint and holding it in until he coughed it out. "Kaishu, come on, bro... dad and the... USF cop squad aren't even doing rounds here, bro." He chortled.

Kaishu looked on at Ryoma, smiling and frowning at the same time. He wanted to maintain the hope that Ryoma would change his ways. He turned away from Ryoma and went back to his studies, hugging his ears between his broad shoulders so as to ignore him.

Ryoma stared out the front of the cockpit and blew smoke at it. He got lost in thought, then remembered Ka'eo, for some reason, having a vivid vision of him cross his mind. He also remembered some of the space cadets Ka'eo knew and affiliated with who hated Ryoma, and Ryoma mutually hated them in return. He went from giddiness to a very linear, focused concentration. He thought to himself why am I thinking of Ka'eo? What the f$ck has that n$gga been up to, anyway? He's probably thinking of me, too. Ho, sup bah! What?! You in da kine, Planet Fitness?

Kaishu turned to look toward Ryoma, sensing some paranoia settling in. He knew what was going to happen next from Ryoma, having a good connection with his brother.

"Brah, f$ck the govern-meeennnt, brah," Ryoma pidgin-smacked, spitefully and humorously. He started his blow torch up again to relight the doobie.

Kaishu didn't bother saying anything, despite wanting to tell him again that they were lucky to be in a space ship after their dad pulled some strings to help them fly. Kaishu noted Ryoma's speech pattern meandering back to the Hawaii days. He thought of Ka'eo, briefly.

Ryoma spat, "Ka'eo would be jealous of us if he saw where we are now. Yeah, Kaishu? We're f$ckin' winning in space, bro! You, me, and the geek freaks." He chuckled to himself, then had a round of coughs.

Kaishu imagined the image that Ka'eo had designed in Photoshop from the high-school days. It was a space-themed edit of Ryoma's face, crossworked with glitchy effects. Kaishu had mixed feelings towards Ka'eo because of his brother, but his allegiance remained with his brother, Ryoma. After all, Ryoma and Kaishu survived together through the academy process, as well as through all the space battles.

"Don't say that, Ryoma," Kaishu said, quietly, in reference to the geek freaks comment. He chanced, "The geek freaks will hear us."

They both snickered together.

"But they are! Kaishu! They're f$ckin' freaks, bro. I love 'um, but they're weird! I saw Ruiz, the other day, full on picking his a$$ in the corridor. I was watching him on the live feed. Dude was doing that, then didn't wash his hands, and Jonah was sitting in the cafeteria room, when Ruiz walked in and he shook his hand, and sat down next to him like he didn't just shove his fingers in his butthole," Ryoma informed.

"That's gross, Ryoma," Kaishu said, looking at him with a slight grin on his face. Kaishu still wanted to know more. His brother was extremely good at making way for rumors in the form of good stories.

Ryoma resumed, "Yeah. Ruiz smells like a$$, bro! He's never taking showers, he just goes straight from his room to the commons, then goes and polishes his weeaboos in robotics. Stupid, fat f$ck, bro. How can he be Japanese and Mexican at the same time?"

Kaishu laughed at the sudden detour in Ryoma's focus. "That's so gross, Ryoma. And what's wrong with being Japanese and Mexican?"

"He's weird, bro! I hate his f$cking dumb name and his ripped a$$hole walk that he does around the ship. F$ck Ruiz, bro! Brah! F$ck Ruiz, brah! For real kines, brah!" He ranted, then shifted his mood into wonder. "Bro, what if—"

"Ryoma, stop," Kaishu said, going back to his studies. He telepathically relayed the worse that could happen onboard into his brother's opened mind.

"Yeah, I know," Ryoma said, leaning forward in his seat, clicking the torch button to relight again. He burnt his finger on the button. "F$ck!" He exclaimed to himself sourly, sucking on the tip of his finger, then wiping it on his pants.

"Ryoma, answer the transmission," Kaishu instructed.

Ryoma maneuvered his seat close to the cockpit control panel, sliding it into a locked position. "Kaishu!" Ryoma barked.

Kaishu ignored him, knowing he just wanted to get even for the seeming attitude of superiority. Kaishu looked up at Ryoma, innocently, to ease his anger.

Ryoma watched Kaishu with suspicious eyes, but didn't feel aggression. He then immediately turned himself toward the panel and completely engaged in the comms. "Alright, let's hook this fakka up, then! Hook 'um awp like this, riiight here, baddah, watch, Kaishu," Ryoma said to himself, scrolling the touch screen to the USF Communications board. He went silent, scrolling from one page to the next, trying to find the recent transmission. "Eh!" Ryoma amused.

"Ryoma, just hit the flashing button up top, and make sure you set it to the overhead speaker. I want to hear it too," Kaishu guided in a soothing tone.

"Eh, brah!" Ryoma chortled. "Was wondering, brah, how come dis ting no stay on my da kine, brah!" He laughed in weed-high. He flipped up a panel switch hood then switched a toggle, causing the above panel to jut out and ease down closer to him. It slightly blocked his view of the window, but now he gained more ease of access. "Deya we go! ... Braddah Kai-shuuuu!"

The transmission abruptly started, booming from the overhead speakers. It was a USF command ship officer hailing them and giving them a directive: Greetings, fellow earthling cadets. We've marked the MacKalla asteroid that has a space station located on it, the MacKalla T-Rover Space Station—"

Ryoma laughed then interrupted mockingly, "MacKalla T-Rooohhh-veeerrrr." His interruption ceased the broadcast automatically.

"Ryoma, quiet, let it go," said Kaishu. Kaishu had a quick premonition that troubled him, but he felt confident in his training, skills, and knowledge.

Ryoma continued to chuckle to himself, finding the names of space stations to be as silly as everything the government named on Earth.

The transmission resumed: Station, one that we established for the purpose of experimenting with biological, chemical, and geological findings, as well as engaging in the processing of biofuels and various chemical compounds. This station was—"

"Kaishu! We're f$ckin' pros at all that sh$t, bro! They're going to send us to a f$cking goldmine of opportunities, aren't they?!" Ryoma gushed.

Kaishu got annoyed and hushed Ryoma, telling him, "Ryoma, shizukani!" He pressed his index finger against his lips, rotating his seat left and right, focused down into his computer table.

Again, the transmission resumed: "Was recently located by a USOF-certified vessel named The 144p Progenitor. Their findings were disturbing, to say the least. There are no known humanoids aboard the station. We are ordering you and your crew to extract any remaining data from their Communications Array, preferably from a distance. If you can do this remotely, your odds of survival near the asteroid increases by 75%. Should you choose to land there, an unknown anomaly, traited as aggressive in its physical behaviors is present. You do not have permission to eliminate any personnel, nor the anomaly. If you understand our directive and are ready to embark, ping us your current location and transmit an approval message. Do be expedient. We thank you and your crew, Zeddnought Cruiser. Captain Raymond Borges, USOF Command, over and out."

"Over and out!" Ryoma mocked, saluting the ceiling. He impacted, "Broooo, he said, 'do... be... expedient!' Brooo, Kaishu," Ryoma relented in surprise. "What do you think that means?" Ryoma started to feel paranoid again, thinking they know I'm f$ckin' smoking the reefer. They're going to bust us! No, wait, positive vibes only. I do not accept the negativity of the USF patrol. They are not aligned with my path.

Kaishu laughed. "Ryoma, you're overthinking what the captain said. All you have to do is ping your location and transmit an approval of mission."

Ryoma flipped around in his seat toward Kaishu and cried dramatically, "No, Kaishu! I've never had to ping location before! Why do they want our location, bro? I think they're going to f$cking bust us! F$ck! Kaishu!" Ryoma was becoming very unchill. "No. Kaishu! What if we transmit the signal and then ping them when we're already at the asteroid? If we do that, we'll already be there! They won't bust us if we're already there, doing the space community and the USF of the cosmos... a great service, of course!" Ryoma dramatized, though his rationale was clear enough.

"Ryoma, we've had to ping our location before. We did that before surfing this spot, too," Kaishu consoled gently.

Ryoma paused to think, taking a serious look on his face. His eyes lit up, and he went manic. "You're right!! Kaishu. You're right!" He laughed in weed-high, "Ahah-ha-haa! Let's go, Kaishu!" He pushed toward the mission, focusing completely on the next destination. He mocked a professional tone. "We're going to MacKalla T-Rover! Pinging location now! Zeddnought Cruiser, up and out, Captain ah-ra-ra," Ryoma gushed, chuckling. "We're in the pipe! Expedient! In the pipe, sir! A smoking ten-four!"

"Five by five," Kaishu added, smiling, trying not to laugh.

Their ship's thrusters heated up and adjusted itself, yaw, pitch, and all angles, onto the safest course to the MacKalla asteroid. It boosted forward in great force.

[lancermylove]

You Are Under Arrest (Halloween HC)

Fandom: FFVII

Pairing: Zack x Reader, Angeal x Reader, Sephiroth x Reader, Reno x Reader, Genesis x Reader, Rude x Reader, Vincent x Reader, Rufus x Reader, Tseng x Reader, Cloud x Reader, Cid x Reader

Warning: Suggestive, slightly NS/FW.

Prompt: The boys reactions to see reader in a cop costume.

A/N: Happy Halloween!

———————————————

Prologue

The streets of Midgar were filled with screaming children, dressed in all sorts of costumes - princesses, princes, superheroes, animals, zombies, you name it. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until you stepped in front of your boyfriend wearing a cop costume and held out a pair of metal handcuffs.

“Stop right there, sir. You are under arrest.”

———————————————

Your outfit: 

Zack

“Huh? What did I do wrong?” Zack tilted his head.

“I’m arresting you for being too cute.” 

He laughed and flashed a grin, “Is that a crime?” 

“Yes, it’s a horrible crime. Your cuteness has to power to kill.” 

Zack’s boisterous laugh echoed through the street, “Well, in that case, you should be arrested as well.” 

“You think I look cute...wearing THIS outfit?” You crossed your arms and frowned. 

“You are cute no matter what you wear.” 

Angeal

He ignored your words and stared you up and down with a shocked expression on his chiseled face.

Angeal quickly took off his jacket and covered you with it. 

“Angeal!” You tried to remove the jacket, but he put it back on you.

“Please don’t wear such clothes. Not on the streets.” 

You raised an eyebrow and smirked, “So you prefer I wear these types of outfits in private?” 

His face turned red as he cleared his throat. 

“Then commander, shall we go somewhere more private?” 

Sephiroth

“And why is that?” The silver haired male chuckled while examining your costume. 

“For being so sexy.” 

“Oh? In that case, you should also arrest yourself.” Sephi said in a low, alluring voice.

His comment made you blush, “Uh..I-I’m the cop here.” 

“You may be a cop, but I am part of the military.” He threw you over his shoulder and walked towards his apartment. 

“S-Sephi?” 

“Looks like I will have to punish you for your crime.” 

Genesis

Genesis placed a hand on his hip, “What crime have I committed?” 

“The crime of being beautiful.” 

“Beautiful, huh?” His eyes wandered down your body, “Then why don’t I show you how beautiful I can be, princess.” 

You blinked, “What does that mean?” 

He stepped closer to you and whispered in your ears, “How beautiful I can be in bed.” 

Vincent

Vincent stared at you, expressionless. 

“Oh come on, Vincent! Say something.” 

“You shouldn’t wear such clothes in front of children.” 

“It’s not like they understand.” You pouted. 

The wind suddenly picked up, causing you to cross your arms across your chest. 

Vincent wordlessly took off his cloak and wrapped it around you, “You need to take care not to get sick.” 

“You’re no fun, Vin.” 

Cloud 

Cloud’s cheeks heated when he saw your costume. 

He quickly shifted his eyes from you and mumbled, “Why do you want to arrest me?” 

“For sulking so much. Let me make you smile.” 

Cloud looked back at you, “How?” 

Shifting closer to him, you placed your hand on his chest, “By showering you with love.” 

“Love?”

You sneakily brush your finger on his pants, “Yes, love.” 

Cloud nearly had a nosebleed. 

Cid

Cid laughed, “Well, if it ain’t the sexiest cop I’ve ever seen. What is my crime?” 

“Your crime is loving Shera more than me.” 

“That ain’t a crime.” 

“Yes, it is.” You handcuffed his wrists together, “Now, for your punishment.” 

“Are you sure you wanna punish me ‘ere? There are kids around.” 

“C-Cid!” You covered your cheeks, causing him to laugh harder.

Reno

The Turk licked his lips and smirked, “You can arrest me anytime.” 

“You don’t even what to know what crime you committed?”

“Nah, the only crime I see here is you in that outfit.” He grazed the side of your waist with his index finger, leaving goosebumps in the wake. 

“Arrest me quickly, so that we can get out of here,” Reno flashed a cocky grin, “I’m sure you don’t want these runts to see me f*ckin’ you.” 

“Reno, language!” You quickly covered his mouth, hoping that no child heard him say that. 

Rude

Rude cleared his throat and loosened the knot of his tie, slightly uncomfortable seeing you in the revealing outfit.

“Rude, you’re supposed to ask what your crime is.” 

He once again cleared his throat, “What is my crime?”

“For wearing sunglasses 24/7. You still haven’t told me how many sunglasses you have in your blazer.” 

“My apologizes.” 

You slapped your the palm of your hand on your forehead, “What am I going to do with you?” 

Rufus

“You dare to arrest me?” Rufus chuckled, “How brave of you.” 

“Rufus, just place along.” 

“Very well. What reason do you have to arrest me?” 

“You are too handsome for your own good.” 

The corners of his lips rose, “Is that so? Then I shall let you arrest me.” 

“Well that was easy.” You boosted and took out your handcuffs. 

“Be careful, my love, you every action will have a consequence.” 

“What will you do?” 

Rufus took out his cellphone and called his assistant, “Cancel all my appointments for the next two days, I have an urgent matter to attend to.” 

A devilish grin appeared on his lips. 

Tseng

He disregarded your words and scanned your outfit, “Will you kindly change your costume?” 

“You don’t like it?” 

“That is a rather inappropriate outfit to wear.” He voice remained monotoned, and his expression flat.

“Tseng! You seriously don’t like this outfit?”

“I do not.” He removed his blazer and wrapped it around your shoulders, “Now let’s get you home.” 

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Hey, what about "fuckin"

Since.. you know it's mondo haha, laugh.

Dude, I straight up looked up how many times I used the word f*ck (yes, I censor my curses when I'm not writing fic. Yes, I understand how silly that is) because I was curious earlier, and it was well over 5,000 times (5,664, to be exact), including past and future tenses. The fic so far is 250,000 words. That means 2% of this fic is just the word f*ck. Sh*t was used about 2,500 (2,592 exactly) times, d*mn 600 times (less than I thought, to be honest, since that includes godd*mn, which had about 500 alone), d*mmit 37 times, and b*tch 41 times. Mondo is a foul mouth little boy who needs some gosh darn soap for his gosh darn potty mouth.

Because of this, I legit don't think I can do this request. I can straight up take any given paragraph and use it, ha. The only time I use f*ckin' in the story is during dialogue, most of which is shown in TPWP. But you know what? I'll take a look during the scenes that are unique to this story, ones without Taka, and see what I can find. I was curious if anyone would try a curse word, though, ha.

UPDATE: OH MY GOD I JUST LEARNED THAT MY HUGE FILE FOR ALL OF TPWM DIDN'T HAVE TWO CHAPTERS. WHICH MEANS THIS STORY IS EVEN LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. SORRY, I'M JUST FLOORED BY THIS. TPWM IS ACTUALLY 20K SHY OF 300K WORDS. TPWP ONLY HAD A LITTLE UNDER 200K WORDS BY THE SAME POINT IN THE PLOT. I'M SORRY TO DERAIL HERE, BUT I'M HONESTLY TERRIFIED BY THE LENGTH OF TPWM. HELP.

As it stands, the f*ck total has gone up to 6,299 instances. Mondo used the word f*ck 634 times in two chapters. I....... may have over done it with curses. Oop.

Anyway! I found a scene from a chapter that I added to TPWM since it got too long to go where it went in TPWP and I split it into it's own chapter. This chapter is why TPWM goes from two chapters out of order with TPWP to one in my little explanations for where these segments come from. It occurs right before the fall festival, when Mondo is waiting for Taka to finish getting the festival ready. I added quite a bit to have it all make sense, so it's a a pretty substantial segment. I also think I may have updated this chapter from what I have on my computer, I'll have to check my phone's note app later, but this should be fine for these purposes. Just know it may be different when I actually post in several months, since I recall extensively updating this chapter, but not if I emailed myself the document with the updated version. I hope y'all like!

send me a word & i’ll post a sentence from my WIP that contains that word

Fuckin': “Okay, then tell me... what /is/ your type, huh? ‘Cuz we’ve been friends for two months now and I can’t figure that shit out. You say that Maizono is hot, but too high maintenance. You say Chi is pretty, but too timid. And every other chick we talk about gets the same treatment! Always some problem or other. What chick could possibly hold up to your impossible fricken standards? Maybe that’s why you can’t score a date. You’re too picky. And don’t fricken get offended, I’m just saying, shit.”

Mondo clenches his fists again, the anger inside him rising. /Again/. He glares at Leon bitterly, his insides squirming with his rising rage. Fuck, does he want to let that shit out and just fucking /scream/ at this jackass. To not be forced to listen as his so called ‘friend’ insults him. But... he’s been doing his best to work on shit like this. On not exploding over simple shit. Taka always is saying careless things that sound rude on the surface, but actually aren’t, so he’s had to practice not blowing up over tiny slights. But it sure as shit is a close thing... Leon sure is lucky Mondo is friends with Taka and that he is trying to learn to control his anger, shit...

“Okay, this is your last fucking warning. Shut the /fuck/ up! So what, I know what I like?! Not everyone is fuckin’ content chasin’ after anythin’ with legs! God fuckin’ /dammit/, shit!” Mondo curses, fighting to keep his voice level down. Leon is glaring at him now, and Mondo is more than content to glare back. But if that motherfucker says /one more thing/...

Luckily, again, Leon seems to realize this. It takes him a moment, but soon he is sighing, his shoulders relaxing from the tense bunch and his face no longer all pinched and angry. Hrm...

“Shit, man. I’m not trying to offend, goddamn. I just mean... seriously. What /is/ your type? Maybe if you tell me, I can try and help you find someone who matches. Or is at least close, shit... ‘cuz seriously, man. You honestly don’t seem interested in chicks, not gonna lie.”

Shit. Shit. /Shit/, the fuck does he fucking mean by that?! Not... not interested in chicks?! Is he- is he trying to- to /imply/ something, is he- h-he-

Mondo’s racing thoughts get interrupted by Leon again, the teen’s voice softer than it had been, though it still holds a hint of agitation.

“I can see you fricken overthinking over there. Look, I know I say shit that can be considered rude, but I would have thought you’d know by now that I don’t fricken mean it that way. I’m not trying ta insult you. I just wanna help. Okay? Shit...”

Okay. Okay, okay. Mondo... /did/ know that, yeah. It’s one of the reasons he still isn’t sure if he actually enjoys hanging around Leon or not, as big a douchebag as he can be. But the teen has some good parts and does seem to like hanging out with him... plus, it ain’t like Mondo’s not the exact same, so it would be fucking hypocritical if he were to get angry at the teen for it... ugh. Fine. /Fine/. He won’t get angry. /This time/.

“Ugh. Whatever, dude. But I am, alright? Interested in chicks. I ain’t fuckin’ gay! Not that there’s any fuckin’ problem in bein’ gay, but I fuckin’ ain’t! But since ya asked... fine. I’ll tell ya. But if you fuckin’ laugh at /anythin’/, I will straight up knock you the fuck out, don’t think I won’t!” Mondo growls, glaring at Leon again.

Leon rolls his eyes at the bluster, but nods readily enough, leaning in so their conversation can be a bit more private. Ugh... fine. Here goes nothing...

“Just... I don’t want a fuckin’ one night stand or shit like that, okay? When I look fer chicks, I’m lookin’ fer someone I think I can, ya know... /be with/. Fer longer than a fuckin’ night. Daiya always had some chick or other in his room, an’ he seemed ta enjoy that kinda shit, was always polite an’ kind ta them and they were polite an’ kind back, but I... I never fuckin’ wanted that shit. Seemed... I dunno. Empty ta me. I always wanted somethin’ with more substance than that. So... I got my standards. Things I know would ruin a long-term relationship if a chick did or didn’t have it. Unlike what most people think, I do fuckin’ know what I’m like, shit. Ain’t exactly the easiest person ta talk ta or be close ta, an’ I fuckin’ know that. So just... shit. Fuckin’...”

Mondo feels discomfort rise inside him, absolutely /hating/ the goddamn /vulnerability/ he’s showing right now. He can feel that discomfort turning to rage, his body wanting so bad to flip the table and scream up a storm and head out to his baby and ride until he can’t ride no more, but before he can, Leon... Leon replies. Shit...

“Huh. That... that makes sense, shit. Didn’t realize ya’d be that kinda guy, but I get it, man. Ain’t no shame in it. Some dude’s just want commitment, an’ while I don’t personally care, I can respect that. But, uh... thanks for telling me that. Know ya don’t like saying shit like that, heh,” Leon mumbles, looking a little awkward, but mostly genuine. Fucking... huh. Wouldn’t have expected /that/ from the musician. It helps settle something inside of Mondo, making the anger fade. A little. Enough so he isn’t standing and storming off, at least.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Stop bein’ a little bitch ‘bout it,” Mondo mumbles back, his cheeks warm. Leon snickers, leaning across the table to push against Mondo’s shoulder, playfully.

“Alright, whatever. But dude, come on! Tell me. What is your type? You’re being so cryptic, shit. If we’re gonna act like goddamn school girls, might as well go all fricken out, shit. What, ya only like chicks who are cross eyed or something? I mean, hey, if that’s your thing-“

“Oh, shut up, ya jackass,” Mondo laughs, shoving back, snickering at the ridiculous fucking eyebrow wiggle Leon does. Bastard.

After a moment, Mondo sobers up and lets out a forceful sigh, his shoulders tensing at the question. He doesn’t like talking about shit like this, damn. It always embarrasses him, even though it’s perfectly natural to have a type, ya know? But... ugh. Fine. Dudes talk about this shit, he knows that. His gang would always talk about shit like this, talking about what kind of chicks (or dudes, for those who favored dick) they liked. It ain’t anything to be embarrassed about, right? Shit...

“But ya know what? Fine. I’ll tell ya. Again, laugh an’ ya’ll regret it, but... I’ve got a few standards that matter most. First, chick has ta be hot, duh. Or at least she’s gotta care ‘bout her ‘ppearance, ya know? Ain’t gonna date a chick who don’t put any care inta how she looks, shit. Second, she, uh... she’s gotta care ‘bout shit. Like... she’s gotta have drive or shit like that. Somethin’ she‘s passionate ‘bout. Can’t have someone who is just... passive, ugh. Third... shit. I dunno, she’s gotta... gotta be patient an’ shit. Understandin’. ‘Cuz, ya know... ‘m kind ofa fuckin’ douchebag, heh. Shit...”

Mondo pauses for a second, hating how warm his cheeks feel, but Leon isn’t looking at him weird. He just... shit. Looks thoughtful and shit. Hmm... whatever, don’t fucking matter. Taking a deep breath, he averts his eyes and continues.

“Fourth... she’s gotta- gotta... gotta be fuckin’ kind. Nice, ya know? Don’t wanna be stuck with a stuck up bitch, goddamn. An’ this ain’t a make ‘r break thing, but I’d like her ta care ‘bout other people an’ shit. Wanna help others. Shit like that. An’... an’ fin’lly, uh... she’s gotta have her own mind. Her own ‘pinions. Can’t be afraid ta say what she thinks. Maybe even be a little stubborn, ta even out my stubborn ass. There’s some other, smaller stuff, but mainly... shit. Main thing is, she’s gotta be able ta put up with me. Which, uh... ain’t exactly easy, shit. Now, ya fuckin’ satisfied? Gotta tell ya my preferred sex positions or somethin’, or can we let this shit drop now? God fucking damn...”

Mondo looks up at Leon then, his insides a fucking /mess/. Fuck, but he hates being open like this. If he were talking to /Taka/, then shit, that shit would be just fine. Taka don’t ever fucking judge, he’s too fucking nice for that. But he ain’t talking to Taka. And Leon... while he’s a decent guy at times, he can be the biggest fucking douchebag at others. And Mondo is honestly tired of getting angry every five seconds, shit.

However... the look Leon is giving him is hard for him to decipher, even as good as he is at that kinda shit. He... he is definitely giving Mondo a Look, but what it means is just... baffling. He honestly looks kinda... constipated, the fuck...?

“Holy shit. Okay... shit. /Shit/. I... I know this is gonna make ya lose your shit, but ya know what? Whatever. We’re friends an’ I think /someone/ has gotta say this shit ta you, at least once.” What... the fuck... Mondo is getting super fucking freaked, especially at the kinda panicked but also /determined/ look that is rising on the musician’s face, which is... so fucking concerning... “But... damn. Ya- y-you do realize... shit. You do realize that you /straight up/ just described Ishimaru... right? L-like... every single thing ya said matches the tightass to a fricken /tee/. Well, outside of the ‘hot’ one, but I guess he does seem to care about his appearance, s-so there is that. But, uh... shit. He’s got drive, he cares about people, he can be patient and he sure as shit can be stubborn... ain’t afraid ta say his mind... almost a little too unafraid of that, h-heh... an’ he, uh... he most definitely seems more than capable of putting up with your ass, goddamn. U-uh... ya know. Shit like that...”

Holy... shit. Holy, goddamn, motherfucking /shit/!

Mondo is fucking /frozen/ again, eyes wide as they glare at the table, unable to meet Leon’s /goddamn/ stare. Because... n-no. That ain’t... /no/, fucking... /no/. W-while yeah, Taka /is/ all of that shit, it’s not... it doesn’t mean anything! That- that’s just why they work so well together, that’s it! Just because the kid checks all his boxes means nothing! He... he ain’t fucking gay, shit! How many goddamn times does he gotta /say that shit before people realize he fucking means it, god fucking damn/-

(Occurs during chapter 12 of TPWM, corresponding kind of with the end of chapter 13 and the beginning of chapter 14 of TPWP. Also, I have no idea what male friends talk about. Girls? Do they... do they talk about girls???)

[blackbutterfliescal]

She F*ckin’ Hates Me

A Michael Clifford One Shot

Pairing: Michael Clifford x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.2K

Rating: Explicit!

Requested by: My babies Sara and Adri 😘😘

Content: third person POV, reader insert, hate fucking, intoxication, hair pulling, choking, swearing!, oral (male receiving), dom!Michael (but reader doesn’t cut him any slack?)

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——— 

The doorbell sounded again.

“What the fuck?”

And again. Again. Againagainagain.

“I swear to god, Em, if you forgot your keys again, I’ll - “

“You’ll what, princess?”

She let out a disgusted sigh and rolled her eyes, letting her hand fall from the doorknob as she turned back to the living room. Michael was the last person she wanted to see tonight and the smirk on his face only made matters worse. He was like the annoying brother she never asked for and he knew how to push all her buttons, usually at the same time.

“Em’s not here,” she threw over her shoulder.

“Nice to see you too, babe” he laughed out humorlessly, closing the front door and following her into the small apartment. “I don’t need this right now, Michael,” she huffed out. She plopped herself back on the sofa between oversized pillows and pulled a large throw onto her lap. The half-empty wine bottle on the coffee table told Michael exactly how her night was going and he’d been around long enough to know how it would end. He’d come over to drown his frustrations with his best friend and he did not need her drunk roommate getting in the way.

He looked around and noticed a couple empty spritzer bottles on the bar past the living room. “Uhhh, you good?” He jabbed his chin in the direction of the carnage. She was quick to roll her eyes and retort, “Spare me, please. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t planning to get drunk too. And since when do you care anyway?”

“You know what?” He pursed his lips, as if deep in thought. “You’re right, I don’t. Sorry for interrupting the obviously thrilling evening you have planned,” he shrugged and continued his trek to the kitchen.

She couldn’t be bothered to spare him a glance so she tossed both middle fingers in the air in response. Michael figured Em would be home soon, so he grabbed a beer from the fridge and leaned against the counter. He prayed that his best friend wouldn’t care that he had started without her once she heard about his day. He downed the drink so quickly that he wasn’t really sure what it had tasted like. Deciding that he shouldn’t be completely hammered before Em got home, he opened a second can and sipped while he scrolled mindlessly on his phone. His stomach growled and he realized that he’d forgotten to eat the last two meals in the flurry of the day. When scouring the kitchen proved a fruitless effort, he texted Em about picking up food on her way home.

The phone in his hand chimed with a response and he heard the wine bottle clank down on the coffee table as his friend’s roommate rose from her pillowy fortress. He glanced up to see the film credits roll across the screen and took a half a step along the counter, moving away from the fridge. She seemed to be on a warpath tonight and he didn’t have the patience to deal with her, so it was best to just steer clear. He mused that it would have been nice to ask if she wanted food too, but their relationship was never nice. Maybe civil, at best. 

As she wandered into the small kitchen, he noticed that she seemed pretty stable for someone with that much alcohol in their system. She flung the refrigerator door open and bent to the bottom shelf. She shuffled through a few cans before she shot up straight again, causing her to wince from the throb behind her eyes. The pain in her head didn’t soften her glare at Michael as he sipped on her last beer.

“Of fucking course. You don’t live here, you know? You could at least ask before drinking someone else’s beer,” she shot. 

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked over the beer can at her, immediately set off by the rage in her eyes. “Chill, man’. I’ll bring you more next time I come over.” The dismissive tone in his arrogant voice made her stomach twist and her jaw clench. Her intoxication-fueled anger was a force to be reckoned with and she wasn’t going to back down now.

“Fuck off, Michael. Just give me my beer.”

He wasn’t sure if the warm haze settling in his body was brought on by the alcohol or the anger at her childish behavior. She made a quick step forward to grab for the can in his hand, but he was slightly less inebriated than she was and evaded her grasp. She remained standing in his space, eyeing her prized beer that was now pulled back and up over Michael’s head. He felt emboldened as her hands fell to her sides in defeat.

The beer wasn’t that good and he would have gladly handed it over if she’d asked nicely. “You want this princess?” he teased. She pursed her lips at the taunting nickname. He swung the can slightly so she could hear the small amount of liquid slosh around inside. The death glare he caught in response was answer enough. A smug smile crossed his lips. In one smooth motion, he tipped the contents of the beer can into his mouth and his other hand came up to grip her jaw. His calloused fingers were rough on her cheeks as he began to pinch his thumb and middle finger together. Her jaw fell slack under the pressure on both sides of her mouth. She let out a shocked whine at his roughness. Michael pulled her toward him until his mouth hovered just above hers. He opened and let the warm beer fall past his lips, spilling into her mouth. His eyes flicked up to meet hers as he pushed his hand up to close her mouth. “Swallow.”

The intensity on his face made her core throb as she took down the liquid before she set her jaw again, more furious than ever. Still holding Michaels’ fiery stare, her hand jumped forward and grabbed his half-hard dick through his pants, causing his hold on her face to loosen the slightest bit.

“Doesn’t feel so nice to be manhandled, does it?” she spat through gritted teeth.

Her grip never faltered as his hand wrapped around her throat and pushed her against the wall behind her. “Oh, princess, I will show you manhandled.” His breath was harsh as it hit her face, still smelling sour from the beer he’d so rudely taken. His free hand covered hers on his cock and the glint in his eyes was devilish. “Are you gonna do something with this or do you just talk a big game?”

“If I thought you had a soul, I’d tell you that I’d suck it out of you,” she sneered as she slid down the wall to her knees. Both her hands went to Michael’s waist as she fumbled with his belt buckle before finally shoving his pants and boxers down his legs. Michael began to make a quip about how he always found her to be draining but stopped mid-sentence as she wrapped her lips around the tip of his dick. She swirled her tongue around him and hollowed her cheeks as she pulled back with a loud pop and batted her eyelashes up at him. “God, of course you’re a tease!” Michael grunted. One of his hands held him steady against the wall behind her and the other pushed her head back towards him.

She fought off the smirk on her face, wrapping one hand around the bottom of Michael’s shaft and using the other to palm his balls. He let out a string of profanities as she took his cock into her mouth until she reached her fingers. She held her head in place for a moment as he hit the back of her throat and then she slowly pulled back while sucking her cheeks in again.

Her hand moved up and down his length, coating it in a sticky mix of her saliva and his precum. She moved her other hand from his balls to his thigh to steady herself. She pulled his dick in her mouth again and bobbed her head up and down rapidly several times before she could feel her eyes begin to water. Her hand continued to work up and down on the part of him that she couldn’t take in.  “Fuck….you…..” Michael groaned out.

Before he could finish his thought, she sat back on her heels to look up at him, a sly grin on her face. The string of spit from his tip to her lips dropped and clung to her chin. “I knew you wanted to fuck me. You just didn’t have the balls to say so.” The  pace of her hand on his cock slowed to an agonizing pace and Michael let out a frustrated sigh.

He reached down to grip her arm and pulled her up to stand again. “You brought this on yourself, princess,” He spat. The haze from the earlier alcohol was completely replaced in both their minds by pure fucking hatred and hate fucking. He pulled her over in front of the counter again and spun her away from him. Her hands smacked down on the cold counter as Michael pulled down her satin sleep shorts and panties in one fell swoop. Michael leaned across the floor to grab the condom from his wallet. He tossed the foil wrapper on the counter next to her and rolled it down over himself. The grin on her face doubled in size and before she could get out a snarky quip, Michael gripped her hip and ran his dick through her folds, collecting her arousal. He plunged himself deep into her without a warning.

“Oh, fuck, yes!” spilled out of her mouth before she could catch it. Michael’s grip on her bare hips was sure to bruise and she was leaving marks where one hand reached back to dig her fingers into his wrist. Michael thrust into her with every bit of force he could manage. Years of mutual anger had come to a head tonight.

She continued to yell curse words as he repeatedly slammed into her, pushing her closer to the edge. She could tell he was close to his orgasm too with the way his pace began to stutter. “You gonna last long enough to get me off too, Clifford? Or are you always a selfish prick?”

Michael couldn’t see her face, but he knew it was smug. His right hand reached up from her hip to find a firm grip in her hair and gave it a tug. He leaned forward so his mouth was right behind her ear. “If you don’t find a way to shut your fucking mouth, I’ll find something to fill it with,” he threatened through gritted teeth. He thrust into her impossibly harder and hit her spot. She dug her fingers into his wrist and let out the loudest moan he’d ever heard. “Jesus, fuck, yes, Michael. Oh, god.” Her legs shook under her and she clenched around him as her eyes rolled back to see stars. Michael fucked into her as she rode her high and, as she tightened around him, his hips stuttered as he reached his own peak with a slew of curses.

They both leaned against the counter as they struggled to catch their breath once they came back down from the high. He pulled out of her carefully, tied off the condom, and discarded it along with the foil wrapper that had been knocked to the floor in their vigor. She grabbed a rag from the counter to clean herself up with, tossing another one in Michael’s direction. She pulled her bottoms back on and grabbed the rags, throwing them in the laundry on her way to the bathroom.

When she came back to the living room, Michael was settled on the other end of the couch from her now-fallen pillow fortress, flipping through her Netflix options, casual as ever. She plopped down in the mess of pillows and blankets with a huff and Michael clicked play on a rom-com from her list. “We don’t ever speak of this,” he said without looking at her. “Agreed. And it can never happen again,” she nodded.

“Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late but I brought food! I hope your hun-” Em’s voice rang from the front door as she stopped dead in her tracks just past the living room door frame. “Wha- what’s going on here? This is the closest I’ve ever seen the two of you. How long have you been here, Mike? How have you not killed each other?” Em rambled on as she stumbled through and on into the kitchen to sit down all the food in her arms. Michael shot a smirk to the girl next to him on the sofa before disappearing to help her roommate.

———

Taglist: @easierlftv​ @haikucal​ @kingcals​ @youngblood199456​ @spacecowboycal​ @atlcalm​

[noonborykedabory]

Mr. Men and Little Misses as vines Part 4

Mr. Stubborn: It’s a dinner rush and the restaurant’s full, but we want to be seated immediately. Mr. Grumpy: Done and done, let me pull the table outta my ass ---- Miss Bossy: WHAT ARE THOSE?! Miss Sunshine: Miss Bossy: Miss Sunshine: Gummy bears? ---- Miss Helpful (drunk and wrapped in a blanket): WHAT ARE YOU DOING? aAAAAAA....AAAAAAAAA ---- Miss Sunshine: Hey, say “who want lasagna?” Miss Whoops: Who want lasa-(hits hip on table and falls) ---- Mr. Rude: These waffles are disgusting Mr. Grumpy: They’re gluten-free Mr. Rude: What the heck is gluten? ---- Mr. Scatterbrain: Hey, do you think Harry Potter was based on a true story? Mr. Grumpy: No, but I think whatever condition you have is getting worse ---- Mr. Lazy (teaching): Today, I’m bringing back naptime. Miss Bossy: But we have a test. Mr. Lazy (throwing a blanket over her): No, naptime Mr. Bump: What about our homework? Mr. Lazy (covering him with a blanket): Shh, naptime Miss Sunshine: But- Mr. Lazy: NAPTIME!!! ---- Mr. Scatterbrain (playing with his cat) Well hello, Mr. Kitty. Can I pet ze kitty- (cat runs away) Mr. Scatterbrain (chasing the cat): Kitty, where’s ya going- (cat continues running) Mr. Scatterbrain: Kitty, come back here, Mr. Kitty, Kitty, where’s you gOING- ---- Mr. Bump: Hey, what are you listening to? Mr. Scatterbrain: It’s really indie, you’ve probably never heard of it Mr. Bump: Can you play it? Mr. Scatterbrain: (plays iCarly theme) ---- Mr. Happy (drunk, sitting in the car): Look at that f*ckin corn field, boy, that’s a nice corn field, tell you that, I already know Mr. Happy (walking through the corn field): This is a nice corn field ---- Miss Helpful (in a video chat): My favourite screamo band is probably Big Time Rush Miss Calamity: oh my god ---- Mr. Fussy (drunk, yelling at Mr. Messy): LISTEN, I DON’T EVEN LIKE MAYONNAISE, ON MY HOTDOG- ---- Miss Bossy: So we’re all here, stuck at Mickey D’s, cause of that thunderst- (thunder booms) Miss Bossy: aAAAAA- ---- Mr. Rude: Hello, everyone. Bill Nye is out on vacation, I am Bill Nein. Mr. Quiet: can i use the bathroom Mr. Rude: NEIN- ---- Mr. Grumpy: Go ahead and introduce yourself Mr. Nervous: My name is Mr. Nervous with a B, and I’ve been afraid of insects my whole life Mr. Grumpy: Stop stop stop, where? Mr. Nervous: Hmm? Mr. Grumpy: Where’s the B? Mr. Nervous: tHeRe’S a bEe?! ---- Miss Naughty: (dancing to loud dubstep) Miss Bossy (standing in the doorway with a laundry basket): What? Stop- ---- Mr. Happy: (juggling bowling pins) Mr. Scatterbrain: Dude, why is that guy so good at bowling? ---- Mr. Bump: Have you see my phone? Miss Helpful: I’ll call it Mr. Bump: No, that’s alright, I’ll- (Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” starts playing) ---- Mr. Happy: Oh no, I hope I don’t fall! (laughs while falling down the stairs) ---- Miss Whoops: I’m just cooking pizza (hits Mr. Bump with the tray) ---- Mr. Scatterbrain: I want to see my little boy Mr. Happy (holding his cat): Here he comes Mr. Scatterbrain: I want to see my little boy ---- Mr. Happy: Kermit, what are you doing? Mr. Tickle (holding a Kermit doll): I’m dancing, bro! (dances) ---- (Mr. Messy, Mr. Scatterbrain, and Mr. Funny dicking around in a public bathroom) Mr. Funny: (hanging off a stall door) Mr. Scatterbrain: Iroh! Scooby dooby doo! Mr. Funny: (breaks the door and falls) ---- Mr. Nervous: You know that feeling when you’re running for your life? (starts running) ---- Mr. Grumpy: Please stand for the pledge of allegiance Miss Bossy: Mr. Bump! Mr. Bump: (has a broken leg; can’t stand up) Miss Bossy: So disrespectful ---- Mr. Scatterbrain: (plays violin without properly rosining his bow) Violin: (S Q U E A K) ---- Miss Sunshine: Taking out the back, I will be your loooooove Mr. Bump: My sugar’s going low, can I get some snaaaaacks ---- Mr. Scatterbrain: New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Me. (throws cheese at his cat) ---- Miss Curious: Is this really how you spell your name? Mr. Grumpy: S. ...S. (Miss Curious holds up paper reading “BADASS”) ---- Miss Sunshine: Bring the beat in! Mr. Happy (running in with a beet): Anything for you, Miss Sunshine!

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THAT’S RIGHT BITCH! It’s October and I am still watching and inexplicably blogging about Supernatural - a dinosaur of a television show that’s been on the air longer than most children I know have been alive. 

I know I’m An Old because I don’t think kids these days understand the struggle it was watching television before streaming. We had to wait for episodes. Hell, I don’t think kids these days even really have to wait for seasons. I mean, Voltron premiered on Netflix in 2016, capped off their seasons at 13 episodes a piece and, oh yeah - aired seasons 5 - 8  all in 2018. Was I mad about that? No of course not. Do I also say phrases like “kids these days? Yes, so who even knows if what I think is relevant anymore. 

Alright, so speaking of seasons, last time I looked at pilots and pilot seasons and how the streaming era is changing everything we know about starting a TV show. But once you’ve got your pilot down, now what? 

Not this kind of pilot. Also, based on the prerequisites for demon possession, we’re all agreed this co-pilot’s like, an alcoholic, right?

There’s a rule in TV (sort of) that the first six episodes (some might argue the first season entirely) should be a kind of rehash of the pilot. The pilot sets up your premise and once you’ve got your pilot down, your job as a TV writer is to re-establish that premise over and over again. You’re building your world, you’re writing it’s rules. You’re setting up a template, a formula for how your episodes are gonna play out. This helps your audience get to know the characters, get familiar with your world, get comfortable spending time with them. Essentially, you’re getting your audience to trust the show that they’re going to be tuning in to for at least the next 20-some-odd episodes. 

I’d also argue that this is important so that later, you can break that format later. I’m not saying you should break the trust your audience puts in you, and that’s probably a real fine line of distinction. But if you break your rules right, it can hit the audience with a big emotional sucker punch. Or, it can stand out as a real breakout, tentpole of an episode - I’m thinking specifically about Ghostfacers! In season 3, or Once More, With Feeling, from Buffy. Those episodes work, really work, because they deviate from the formula, but they only work because we know the formula so well.  And these aren’t big changes to the way episodes are done, they’re just shifted ever so slightly that they felt new again.. 

So what is the premise of the first four episodes Supernatural? What’s the formula they set up for the rest of the series? 

Brothers. I said it in my last post, I’ll say it again, Sam and Dean/Jensen Ackles and Jared Jared Padalecki are what makes this show. Full stop. I think we could have gotten 5 seasons out of a show starring two other dudes. I do not think this show could have gotten 15 seasons with two other dudes. So from the pilot through Phantom Traveler, we learn that Sam and Dean have a sh*tty home life - their mother was killed by some mysterious evil thing and their father raised them to be little demon-hunting child soldiers while they look for the killer. Oh yeah, and Sam’s girlfriend died the exact same way which we will never forget because Sam’s gonna have a dream about it almost every episode from here on out. We set up the tension between the brothers - that Sam got to go to college while Dean stayed with their dad like a good boi. We learn that everybody hates each other probably because they are deeply and unhealthily codependent love each other so damn much. 

Next we get the basic rundown of the season arc: 

Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days. The Winchester brothers are looking for him and by extension, looking for answers as to what killed their mom/Sam’s girlfriend. We also get the basic rundown of every episode: dad is a mysterious and elusive sonuvuabitch, so every episode they go about, say it with me now:

“The family business.” I would also accept “Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can,” but why can’t I find a gif for it?!? 

Backtracking on this but you know what else gets hecking established with the Winchesters? Sam is the cute one with the people skills and the puppy dog face, so you’d naturally assume that he’s the soft one. No. Not the case. Dean is the Sofffft Boi. The SOFTest boi. Dean wants Sam to talk about his feelings, Dean wants Sam to not keep things bottled up, Dean is the one who desperately wants to keep a hold of his family and also is just deeply broken and traumatized on the inside and oh no, I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I did it anyway. Sorry not sorry. This watch, I’m really picking up on the fact that Dean is, weirdly, the Mom Friend in this first season. Like, he’s basically a Trailer-Trash-Teen-Pregnancy Mom who’ll give you spaghettios five nights a week and a shot of whiskey so you’ll quit yer bitchin’ and go to sleep faster, but he’s the Mom nonetheless. Later in this season and in other seasons, I think you even see him do his dumb-baby-best filling in as the Mom when John went off the deep end. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings and we don’t have time to unpack all of that so I’ll just move on.

RUDE.

Next we set up our Supernatural Bag of Holding - what’s in it? What are the mystical artifacts they use to kill those evil sons of bitches? First up is The Car. Damn, I am not a cars girl, but that 67 Chevy, it does things to me. 

This car has some weird pavlovian trigger for me, it’s not NATURAL. 

The journal. 

John Winchester, you journal the way I imagine a psycho killer journals and I would just really appreciate it if you could be ANY MORE ORGANIZED THAN THIS.

The Trunk Full of Weapons - I love that in these first few episodes (and possibly the rest of the series???) they give this HELLA conspicuous look every time they open the trunk full of weapons. It’s hilarious EVERY TIME.

No, you’re not being obvious at ALL, guys.

The Fake ID’s - from credit cards to impersonating feds, these boys are not afraid to break the law to save some lives and I feel like that’s...that’s the theme of the show maybe? They’re here to save people and they’ll do what they have to to do that? In a world that clearly establishes a dark vs. light/good vs. evil dichotomy, the Winchester make it their job to live in a world of grey? Basically? 

Next on the checklist for this first season of Supernatural - it’s spoopy. *Spoop mileage may vary.* I said it last time, but I’ll say it again: this first season aired at 9:00pm at night. That means it’s primetime stuff for the 18 - 25 year old crowd, but they don’t want to risk some 13 year old watching it and getting too scared before bed. 9:00pm is X Files time slots, Fringe time slots. 9:00pm says you’re gonna get something a little more gruesome and gory and shocking than at 8pm. 8pm is for Friends. Vampire Diaries aired at 8pm its first season. 9pm is for the real adult content (but not too adult because the audience is still mostly children). 

SPOOP!

But yeah, let’s look at the real horror vibe that you get off of these first four episodes. We talked about La Llorona from the first episode - this is a legit ghost that they fight. The kids at the end that literally drag their mom to hell? Pretty spooky stuff. The Wendigo in episode 2 is a literal monster of the week and so for me personally, it’s not that scary, but it is a cannibal monster that eats human flesh. Dead in the Water has vibes from both Jaws and Friday the 13th. Everything from the lighting to the sound design let’s you know this is a horror show, or as horror as you can get on network television. Listen to the scenes just before somebody dies and you get a nice creepy “Come play with me” whisper coming out of the water. I’m a little spooked just thinking about it now. Yes I know I’m a chicken, and I’m OK WITH THAT. And if we go past my season 1 disc 1 into episode 5, Bloody Mary is STILL terrifying and I STILL watched that episode with half my face covered. That’s where I am these days. It’s 2020 and the world is a nightmare but imagining Bloody Mary creepin’ out in my mirror does not need to be a part of it. 

SHE F*CKIN CLIMBS OUT OF THE MIRROR GUYS! I DIDN’T KNOW SHE COULD DO THAT!!!

Then we get Phantom Traveler and our very first case of black-eyed-demonic possession. Watching this episode now, it’s like watching someone’s home movie of their first steps as a baby. They’ve never even done an exorcism before guys! They have to read the exorcism rite out of the journal! It’s so cute!!! Let’s not think too hard about how they got that full sized bottle of holy water past TSA in a post-9/11 world. And try to ignore how poorly these special effects have aged - the smoke from the demon possession?? OMG! THIS EFFECT! I’m pretty sure I could make that effect with my first ever graphic design software on my, like, 2009 mac book pro. So cute and soooo good! I’m gonna leave that CG plane alone, they’re doing their best. 

SO cute and SOOO good!

You want to know what my favorite established staple of Supernatural season 1 is? The extras. LOOKIT these guys - 

Wendigo you have Cory Monteith who later goes on to star in Glee. 

You have Alden Ehrenreich, Debatable Han Solo, doing a lot of face work with very little dialogue. 

You have Gina Holden who is in SO. MANY. Spooky-type things! My personal favs are Blood Ties and Harper’s Island, but she’s in Fringe, she’s in the SAW franchise, she’s in the Final Destination franchise, she was in some deleted scenes on an episode of Teen Wolf! I LOVE seeing Gina Holden, anywhere she pops up. 

And speaking of Harper’s Island, you’ve also got Callum Keith Rennie who played John Wakefield in Harper’s Island, a show that was A+ Great and I highly recommend if you like Agatha Christie and/or murder mysteries. 

Honestly, Rennie looks like he’s about to murder a bitch in this episode of Supernatural, it is not a stretch to believe he’s a psycho killer.

Dead in the Water you’ve got Amy Acker, a regular in Joss Whedon and Whedon-adjacent type shows.

Good LORD, this wardrobe was SO 2000′s WB and it PAINED me.

And finally in Phantom Traveler, you have Jaime Ray Newman who also shows up in a lot of the shows that I like to watch. She was in Eureka, she was in Midnight Texas, both kind of terrible shows that I love because they are terrible, but she was ALSO in Bates Motel and Veronica Mars, which are generally considered to be more quality, so there’s that. 

This still implies that they actually LIT scenes, which is a SURPRISE TO ME. 

Point is, seeing these actors in Supernatural back in the early 2000’s felt like I was seeing the start of their careers. That may or may not have been the case, but as a viewer it was exciting to see them pop up again in other things.

So what about TV now? Do we still use those first 6 (sometimes more) episodes to re-establish the premise? Well, it certainly hasn’t gone away. Look at any network show that still produces 22 - 24 episodes a season and you’ll still see that the pilot season just keeps re-iterating the premise established in the pilot episode, specifically in anything that’s procedural - that’s you’re monster/problem-of-the-week shows. Think sitcoms like Brooklyn 99 or Superstore or dramedies like Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. The reason being that these shows play in the traditional model of television - on a network, once a week. They are not releasing episodes all at one time or relying on their audiences to stream a whole season in one sitting. These are shows that still assume that someone out there is going to tune in or stumble across their show one night while they’re surfing channels (lol) and need to be told, no matter what episode they’ve just turned on, what the premise of the show is. They need to be formulaic so that people can pick it up anywhere at any time.

But what about shows that don’t follow this traditional model? I mentioned in my last post that seasons are getting shorter and shorter, so when you’re writing a show that only has (8) episodes instead of 22, how much time do you really want to spend establishing the premise? Because of these short seasons, you’re also dealing with shows that are more serialized and less procedural than their predecessors - meaning, you’re dealing with a show that focuses on a season long story (think Game of Thrones or Stranger Things where each episode is an important chapter that you can’t skip) vs. a procedural (think the shows I mentioned above or any cop drama really) where each episode is it’s own contained story, neatly wrapped up at the end. These are shows where you can skip an episode and still know where you are in the show no matter where you start or stop watching. Supernatural is a little bit of both - procedural with their monsters of the week AND serialized with a season long arc. We’ll talk more on that in a later post. 

Not only are we getting shorter seasons, but we’re also dealing with shows that are not released over long periods of time. A few streaming channels, like Disney+ and HBO Max, make a deliberate point to slow-drip their seasons, but most streaming channels will release entire seasons in one shot. You don’t need to worry about your audience missing an episode because they have 24/7 access to all the episodes all at once. And for the most part, they’re designed to be binged. They start at full speed and they don’t slow down to keep driving you to the finale. 

Do I think the procedural is ever going to go away? No. As much talk as there is about dropping the cop drama from TV all together, I think audiences still love a good mystery series. And you can’t just think of procedurals as cop dramas either - a procedural also covers most if not all sitcoms. New Girl, Letterkenny, Parks and Rec, Superstore - these all have a premise that doesn't change from week to week. They may make tiny shifts away from what they set up in the pilot, but by and large, you know what you’re getting into any time you turn on an episode. I think we as an audience still like that kind of familiarity. We may be seeing a bigger swing towards more serialized content, but that doesn't mean that the procedural is dead and gone. 

So that’s what we’ve got for Supernatural - two dudes, driving around in a car full of spears and hand guns, killing bad guys. Some day, they may even find that father that’s missing. What could possibly go wrong? A lot. Stay tuned. 

[bountybossier]

Don’t Be F*ckin’ Rude | Julie & Nic

This.

With: @purelikeviolence

“Get the fuck out of here.”

Julie didn’t enjoy being manhandled by the bouncer and might have fought back but whatever, fuck him. She’ll find another bar to bother. “Don’t fucking touch me,” she broke out of his grip as they exited the bar. She glanced over the other guy who got thrown out as well. “This is all your fucking fault.” She grumbled, blaming him for getting kicked out. They both lost their temper and thought fighting in bars was a good idea. Julie didn’t particularly enjoy fighting but the asshole got some good punches in. She hated that. Much rather enjoyed someone else doing the punches for her. Arms crossed against her chest, she started walking just behind him, not wanting to walk alongside him but they were going the same way.

How many fucking times was Nicodemus going to have his drinking time interrupted? Apparently, it was just going to push itself up into the hundreds whether he bitched about it or not. Since when did bar fights not get sorted out inside and they just cracked open a cold one? They didn’t do that in White Crest and he added that to his white board of his reasons that the town blew ten ways to Sunday. His knuckles smarted and he flexed his fingers. And now he was getting blamed. “Oh, is it? Who was the one that threw the bottle?” He was annoyed, but it was also a little funny. “This ain’t the only bar, you’ll find another one.” He heard her walking behind him and paid little mind to it, until heavier footfalls followed and approached. Quick. “Hey asshole!” A voice not hers called out. The hunter turned on his heel and squinted at a pack of frat kids. He grunted. “Which one? There’s two here.”

Julie gave a smug smile, recalling how the events transpired and proud of what went down. It’s not her fault some people just can’t handle their alcohol and say rude things in return. Just like how it isn’t her fault if she retaliates because of said rudeness. As she heard people heading toward them she turned, wondering what the fuck they wanted. “Fuck off, alright?” Julie waved them off, not needing them to bother her because they definitely we’re talking about her right.

“Both you and your friend.”

“He’s not my friend.” Julie said but still didn’t know if they were talking about this dude or her. Didn’t matter though. The way they started to run toward both of them said plenty. Julie slid back her foot, took her stance… and waited.

Nicodemus rolled his eyes at her cheeky smile. Deep, deep, down, he wished he had been the one to think of throwing a bottle. At least they shared the same sentiment in regards to the Frat Pack ahead of them. God, he really wasn’t in the mood to beat up children. “Yeah, what she said, fuck off. Ain’t gonna ask you a second time.” The lead bro scoffed with his entire body, the wax bits of his hair quivering. “You bumped into my bro, brah,” the younger man said. “When you and that chick decided people needed to catch hands.” Nic’s brows shut up and he glanced at the woman next to him. “Huh, he just called you that chick.”

The hunter was glad that they stopped talking and went for the direct approach. He was tired of talking anyway and he was still pissed from not finishing his drink. The first haymaker he threw out felt like coming home after a long day and he grinned.

The guys were easy to maneuver around, they were slow as fuck so just a timed hit and Julie struck at his stomach with her leg and pulled down on him by his head. Gravity did the rest, toppling his drunk ass over. She grimaced at the sight of her new bar friend just straight up punching one of the frat guys. Just all brawn, no technique, typical. Having been preoccupied judging her companion’s fighting style, one of the guys thought it would be cool to just grab her and pick her up. Really? Asshole. Swinging her leg up, she managed to bring it down on his knee. As he winced in pain he brought her low enough for her to get to her feet and once again use his own weight and lack of balance against him. She leaned over just a bit, the frat guy’s weight allowing both of them to roll with more strength but her roll was softened by his body while his back met the hard asphalt. It really wasn’t fair. These guys didn’t know fuck all about fighting but it was an advantage she’d abuse.

Whatever Julie did in her life, she had a hell of a lot more intensive training than Nicodemus did. He had his bar and prison yard fights, sure, but watching her was something else. He'd need to pick that up somewhere. Somewhere he wasn't in the middle of pressing his forearm against a man's throat and looking him in the eyes. This wasn't that kind of fight and the frat kid wasn't that kind of monster. He was just a drunk fuck that couldn't let something go. Instead, Nic headbutted him and shoved him back. The younger man crumpled at the impact and went down hard. Copper burst along the inside of his mouth and colored his teeth red as a fist caught his lip. It wasn't much to him, but the intent behind it was enough. Alright, he could work with that. The new threat turned from him long enough that the hunter hooked his arms under his and caught him there, fingers entwined behind the frat kid's neck. He looked up at Julie, spat the blood out of his mouth, and called out. "Y'mind?"

“What,” Julie played dumb, “need help fighting your battles?” She asked as she walked closer. Without a second thought, her hand shot out, smacking the side of the frat guy’s head and he was out like a light. She looked around and the rest of them were still recovering but backing away. It seemed they had taken care of them and they weren’t drunk enough to still keep fighting. “Let’s get out of here before one of them calls the cops and ruins the rest of our night.” She told the other guy, the two of them now joined together by this fight. Maybe they could find another bar and she’d buy him a drink or two. Nothing more than that. “Come on, I think there’s a bar up ahead.” She picked up her step, wanting to create distance between that mess. “So, what’d you say your name was?” She figured they had earned each other’s names now.

Nicodemus’s eyes rolled back so hard he saw his previous life, but even then, he grinned when he heard the smack and the guy in his arms became dead weight. Without much, he tossed the guy into the nearest trash bag. Last thing he needed was for him to crack his head on the concrete and die or something inconvenient like that. The hunter rolled his wrists as the others groaned and pulled themselves away from the pair. “You can say that shit again. Last thing I want is some fuckin’ boy scouts showin’ up.” Not too bad for a back alley bar room brawl, he thought. And they still weren’t done for the night. He glanced at her with a sly grin and shook his head. “Yeah? Round two?” He laughed and spat the blood out from his mouth before he picked up in pace to meet her stride. Already, it was starting to slowly mend itself and they’d be off to another bar like nothing even happened. “Nic works fine. You?”

Julie watched as he spit blood and grimaced. “Who the hell taught you to fight that you managed to get bitch slapped so hard by a frat guy that he made you bleed? Embarrassing.” Julie would have sooner died than to get herself knocked around by some human. She’d wrestled with many over the years and it’s been a while since any human has gotten the best of her in a fight. Grabbed her, yanked her but she always ended up turning it around. “I’m Julie,” she introduced herself, still keeping her eyes on this Nic guy. He talked funny. Not an accent she’s heard before. “Where the fuck are you from?” Her voice had no malice in it despite the swear, it was just how she talked to people. Most people (especially online) didn’t really get that.  Was his accent southern? It sounded southern. American accents were difficult for her - she didn’t have the most experience with them as she did with others.

“Oh fuck off, Iip’s still healin’ up from the fuckin’ bull fight I had yesterday,” Nicodemus rebutted. The werewolf had headbutted him so hard it knocked the headache out of him and jostled something loose, let alone split his lip something ugly. Hell, that was half the reason he had been at the bar they were at earlier. “A big fuck named Samson and I’m pretty sure he’s dead in a hole somewhere, so I think I’m doin’ alright.” Julie, as she introduced herself, was a breath of foul-mouthed fresh air in White Crest and Nic grinned. “Hell of a hand you got there, Julie. Who taught you that shit?” He huffed at her question. “The swampy ass of Louisiana. Not from here either, huh?” Lo and behold there absolutely was another bar down the way and he went in first, not bothering to hold the door for Julie. She could knock a shithead out, she could get her own door.

A bull fight? Where the fuck does that take place in town? Julie kinda wanted to check that out. “You fight a lot of bulls?” She asked, curious. Considering the way he fought, she didn’t take too much pride in his compliment. It was clear no one taught him anything like she knew. He just swung and Julie supposed, it worked for him. He was stronger, heavier while Julie was lighter and (unfortunately) weaker in terms of strength. Every move mattered for her, each blow needed to land. “Dad taught me,” the mention of him made her sick. “Until I started kicking his ass and I taught myself.” Now that Julie got the fight out of her she was sure there would be no fights at this new one. At least not until she had a drink. She followed Nic, sitting alongside. “So you gonna buy me a drink for saving your ass back there?” It wouldn’t hurt to ask right? “I’m from Singapore, actually. So, I’m new to the states here.”

“Somethin’ like that, yeah. Just wait ‘till rodeo.” Bulls seemed like a better explanation than giant fucking bats, demon moose critters, or fucking werewolves. Nicodemus wasn’t fighting any of that shit at the moment. He was fighting a raging headache and had just fought the bro committee, with her help no less. Now he just needed a drink to play nurse and he’d feel better. Even with his jangly nerves and senses, they were still beating strong. Something was near, he just couldn’t tell what. “Wish I coulda kicked my dad’s ass, but the fuckin’ coward upped and died before I could.” That was the case as far as he knew. The hunter got the attention of the bartender with a half-assed wave. “Whiskey on the rocks. Whatever she wants is on me. The first one at least,” he said as he gave her a dry smirk. “Saving my ass. Right. But Singapore?” He couldn’t help his curious expression. “Long way from home then. Personal or business?”

The fucks rodeo? The question lingered on her mind but she chose not to ask - honestly she didn’t care to know about this weirdo and his bull riding. “So kick his dead body’s ass,” Julie suggested with a shrug of her shoulders. At least his dad was in the ground. Julie could only guess what the fuck hers was up to. She hoped he was dead. Ugh, those were enough thoughts about her father for like the whole year. “I’ll just get whatever dark beer you guys have on tap.” She had already drank plenty at the other bar. She didn’t need to get shitfaced or start another fight. “I’m from Singapore. Didn’t say I came from there. I’m visiting someone.” It was all she was willing to give.

The hunter rasped out a loud laugh. Well shit, now why hadn’t he thought of that? Hell below, Nicodemus actually liked talking to Julie. It was a rare fucking occurence for him to enjoy talking to anyone. She was no bullshit. Take none and give little. A sentiment he appreciated. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that when I find it.” He didn’t want to talk about deadbeat, distant. It didn’t sour his mood, really, but it also did fuck all to improve it. Not like whiskey did, which he immediately took hold of and started drinking. “Alright, fair enough. The poor fuck willingly put themselves here? Goddamn.” The hunter shook his head and tapped his fingers against the bartop. The irony of his statement wasn’t lost on him. “Guess we’re all just poor fucks then, huh? Some of us maybe.”

Once she was poured her drink Julie grabbed it and chugged almost half of it. It wasn’t that bad but fighting made her thirsty so she needed it. “Speak for yourself, you poor fuck,” Julie scoffed before looking at him. “What are you doing here then?” Where was he from again? Fuck, she couldn’t even remember. Even if she did, she wouldn’t have known its distance from where they were. America was a puzzle for her. Not one she ever bothered to solve. “I take it you came willingly?” Who the fuck would do that? “You enjoying the mime and moose shit?” Probably was one of those. Then again he didn’t really strike her as a tourist. He didn’t seem that excited to be in the town like some of the tourists she’s interacted with.

“Ain’t gonna argue that. What’s that make you then, a charitable asshole for sittin’ with a poor fuck like me?” Nicodemus laughed, the fight from just a few moments ago leaving him in a pleasant mood. He didn’t even need the whiskey for that. “Here for work,” he said plain enough. “Bounty hunting. Don’t got one of those, do you? We both might after that...” If she did, he didn’t care. He only went after the ones he wanted to and after everything, he figured he was as good as done for the day. “I go where the work is, so yeah, willingly enough. I don’t plan on fuckin’ about here long,” he said and even as he said it, he was unsure. Typically, he stayed maybe a couple weeks. It was going on a month or more now. “You findin’ work here or what?” He took another drink. “Nah, the mimes don’t do shit for me and I’m just waiting for one of the moose to gore the shit out of somebody. It’d spice things up.” He turned slightly in his chair to look at Julie. “You know they got two fuckin’ mime places?”

“Hey, if the shoe fits.” Julie said with a shrug as she reached for her drink once more. She was just shitting him though, the last thing she’d call herself was charitable. Giving a smirk, she shook her head as she kept her eyes on her drink. “Not in this name,” she teased. “Not yet.” Julie has thankfully never had a bounty on her - ever. Her name was never given. Maybe people looked for her but she’s never found anyone doing so, so she must either be lucky or they must have been horrible at their jobs. Unlike her. “I doubt anyone’s gonna put a bounty on us for kicking some frat boys’ asses. Probably a typical Friday night for them.” The most that would happen would be sometime down the line they run into them again and they have to kick their ass one more time. “Yeah I don’t plan on sticking around here too long either.” However she was already here longer than she would have been usually but this one was particularly difficult. She snorted at the mention of the mime places. “Yeah, I think they have a bar. I sure as hell am not going over there for a drink. What the fuck is it with having to mime your orders? That’s so - I don’t know how those things stay open.”

“Not this name, huh?” Nicodemus repeated with a huff. He tapped his fingers against the bartop. Usually he gave Asher as a name to anyone that asked, typically clients and the ones he couldn’t be bothered to give a fuck about. But in White Crest, he had given more people his real name in two months than he had his entire lifetime. The thought was fucking weird and his nose scrunched at it. “Well, I’ll be sure to let my eyes just skip on over it if I see it.” He said with a tip of his glass, eyes slightly closed as he tipped his drink back to finish it. “Yeah, probably not. They might start callin’ us heroes.” Ah shit. What if those guys had been affiliated with Walker? Oh well. It was fine. If it ever came up at the Silver Bullet, it wouldn’t be hard to explain to a fellow hunter that they struck first and the pair of them had finished it. “Guess we’ll see which one of us gets the fuck out of here first.” He ordered himself another drink, scanned across the bar to look at every face that sat there the same as they did. How many people were just passing through in White Crest? Never in any other town had he met so many...interesting individuals. Maybe the town was cursed to burden people with connection. “How do you think one of those mime fuckers fights?” The question was serious, his brow furrowed. “Think they react the same to gettin’ punched in the teeth?”

He’d skip over her name just because she backed him in a bar brawl? Damn, Julie could only imagine what he’d do for someone who was nice to him. And he was a bounty hunter? She was sure all she had to do was give him some puppy eyes and he’d forget all about her bounty. She wasn’t about to call him a shitty bounty hunter though. “The mimes?” Julie wasn’t even thinking about that and had to take a moment and another sip of her drink. “The same as anyone else?” How the fuck else would they act? They were just performers after all weren’t they? “That’d probably make them break character…I don’t fucking know. Why? You wanna go test it out?” Not that Julie was against going up to someone and straight decking them in the face but she liked to have a reason - ah fuck that, she’d punch just about anyone for no apparent reason.

“Fuck yeah I wanna test it out.” Nicodemus said, face screwed up as if he was surprised that she might not want to. He shook his head and tossed back his whiskey. “When’s the next time we’ll get the opportunity to fight a goddamn mime horde?” The hunter flashed Julie a grin and bought them another round. He had plenty of money to spare and if they were going to spend the rest of their night shooting the shit over fighting stuff, then they would need more drinks. And they did just that until it was closing time.

[hazbinextgeneration]

Rose Garden

The heavy scent of roses were in the air and the laughter and chatter of people could be heard from all around. It was a pretty big place to be honest. Fancy, full of people, tons of food. These rich people were really into the high life, don't you think? But if there was one thing their friend liked, it was roses. And there was plenty of them. Roses, roses, and more roses. Flowers as far as the eye could see. They blended in pretty well with their clothing. And it seemed their friend was enjoying herself. "Look at all the lovely dresses. Aren't they beautiful?" Their friends pink eyes wondered over some of the other dresses some women were wearing. They would admit, most of them were pretty well done. Some of the roses almost looked real in some ways. But they just shrugged. "They look nice," they said bluntly, "Where's the food?" Their friend sighed and turned towards the right. Walking a little ways before her friend followed her. They grumbled a bit but didn't complain much as they walked along. They didn't really do good in big crowded areas with probably snotty people. Just wasn't their thing. But they came along for her sake, not that she couldn't take care of herself. Oh no. She had ways of handling herself just fine and dandy. But it was always good to go in pairs. Especially in a place like hell with dangers around every corner. Plus it'd been a while since they really went anywhere. It'd be nice to go somewhere new, especially since they were invited to such a fancy event. It seemed rude not to go. Besides free food and drinks sounded good. They went towards the far side of the giant manor -seriously how big was this one room?- towards the giant serving table. Everything looked ok at first glance, the food was fancy but looked good enough. Especially that giant turkey surrounded by veggies and cake. Yeah. The free food was god. They looked at all the food and began reaching over and grabbing at random food dishes.  "Too bad John couldn't be here. He would've enjoyed the quiet, and Camilla would've enjoyed the food....But-" "But your man wasn't invited and Camilla's too young." They shoved a random cookie into their mouth. "And your man is watching Camilla right now." She gave her friend a sigh before shaking her head and eyeing the food before settling on just getting some of the alcoholic fruity drink. They didn't even pay attention as they continued stuffing their own face with what food they could grab. This may have been some fancy pants party, but the food was pretty d*m good. Kudos to the chiefs. They didn't really pay much attention to their surroundings until a sudden voice came out.   "Weeeell.~ Fancy seeing you two here.~" At which they froze, and turned around with a half stuffed face. A very unfortunately familiar figure smiled back at them with a smirk. "Khasity.~" "Martin," their friend greeted back, "I didn't think you were here." He shrugged. "Being famous has it's perks. What are you doin' here? Nice dress up ya got there." "Oh? Thank you. I made it mys-" "We were invited same as you!" They interrupted with a grouchy tone. "Primea!," Khasisty scolded, "It's not nice. Show some manners in public." They grumbled as Angel smirked wider. "That a....very interesting outfit you're wearing." She friend pointed at the drag outfit he was wearing hoping to change the subject. "It must've taken a while to put your hair up like that." The idiot grinned and did a semi pose, making them roll them eyes.  "You really think so?~ I did it all myself. The hair was the fun part. Hey! Where that 'little' brother of mine?" "Oh. He's at home wi-" "He's watching their kid, you numbskull!" He gave them a look surprised before smiling before leaning down to noogie them through their hat. Making them give off a growl of annoyance and swat at his hand. "Aw! A stay at home daddy.~ How sweet.~ But ain't it past yer little friend's bedtime?" "F*ckin' twat! I'm older than I look," they shouted pushing their hat up from their face. He fake gasped putting a hand to his mouth. "Oh? Really? I wouldn't have guessed considering your cranky toddler tantrum." "What did you say? You stupidly tall drag queen sl-" "Oh, look! They're putting out a new rose display," Khasisty carefully nudge them a few inches away before smiling to Angel, "It was nice seeing you again, Martin. Have a lovely night." He smirked wider and waved a hand. "Bye bye. Give my bro a kissy for me.~" They were pushed a little ways more away from him grumbling and pouting all the way. "You should have let me deck him, Khas." "Oh,hush now. We're in pubic and you wouldn't want to get kicked out, do you?" They grumbled and she smiled. "Good. Now come along. I want to see our host's famous rose garden outside." 

Request for  @ynkaliko  Angel belongs to Vivziepop.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS AU ✨CRACK! TAKE✨: The 10th HG Mentors According to Drunk Dean Highbottom. (Part 2)

⭐️❄️⭐️

I advise you, my fellow friends to read part one for context, but here are all the parts anyway: [1] [3] [4]

⭐️MENTORS⭐️

Clam Asia Dove Goat (Clemensia Dovecote)

Very kind, but sometimes rude to me.☹️

Takes note on everything and everyone.

Is the true popular likable girl.

Might be allergic to reptiles and peanut butter.

Is deathly afraid of frogs and spiders.

Hates the snakey snakeys.

Once stole Dr. Gaul’s pet rabbit mutt for “research” purposes.

Gave me free peppermint ice cream for my birthday.🥹

Your family is the only normal and decent family that I have met so far.

Can you ask your father to lower my electricity bills?🥺

Humble, but will punch you if threatened.

Who lied and told you that your skincare routine was superior to mine?

My skincare routine is THE BEST!😤

Will forgive anyone for a cheese tart.

Directly reports to Capitol News if something “bad” happened at school.

Tried to defame me for treating a certain student “unfairly,” just because they were poor AF.🙄

Might give her a demerit for that stunt later.

Threatened to report me for being drunk while giving a lecture, or whatever that mean.😪

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by actually planning a good strategy.

Per Symphony Prize (Persephone Price)

Willingly ate that “maid stew.”

Is maybe a secret cannibal.

Is on her “Unhinged Girl” era.

Might eat anyone anything if hungry.

Has no food preference.

Is currently dating the Dumpster Diver.

Why are you even dating that loser?🤨

Likes to scare people on the holidays.

Your father is crazy AF.

By the way, your meat(?) pies were delicious. 10 out of 10, will want to eat again.

Your family runs the railroad industry, but your food delivery services are slow AF.

I might give you a demerit for that stupid reason alone.

Is passive-aggressive towards me.☹️

Is quite skilled with a knife.

Home economics and cooking are not your forte.

Likes to troll the freshmen.

The only student who will survive a famine.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by unspeakable means.🤢

Turban Can Bill (Urban Canville)

Is highly intelligent, but socially stupid.

Perfected freaking calculus for goodness sake!

King of the math freaks.

A super nerd of nerds.

You still failed to avoid hanging out with a bunch of idiots in your class.

Your family only got filthy rich by successfully hacking one of Mama Cardew’s bank accounts.

I know that you intentionally broke my very expensive vase last semester, just because I gave you a 98 on a stupid essay.

You need therapy!

Knows how to professionally hack the school computers.

Stop changing your stupid classmates’ grades!!😡🔪

I knew that you were the one who freaking blocked me from accessing the school Wi-Fi as a joke.

I might use you for a secret cyber crime scheme later.

Thinks he’s too cool for school.

Has a short temper. Like, really short.

I can’t believe that your anger issues helped you become a top performing student.😩

Why the heck did you call the National Security when you lost your f*ckin’ calculator?!

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by being too pissed off and too angry to die.

Liver Cardew? Libya Adieu? (Livia Cardew)

Her mama will kill you for a dollar.

Super rich AF.🙄

Haven’t you heard? Her mama runs the largest bank in all of Panem.

Your family is literally the IRS.

Can destroy the economy if you offend her.

Loves anything pink and sparkly.

Is very mean to everyone, especially to me.

It’s really unfair that your car sparkles under the sun.

Why are you bullying a certain student for being a war orphan?!😠

I’m the only one who is allowed to bully that war orphan!!😤

Willing to skip school to shop and gossip.

Cannot and will not be blackmailed.

Spoiled AF, but everyone already knows that.🙄💅

Politically untouchable.

Stop taxing me for being drunk all the time!

I know your family can and will personally send anyone to the poorer Districts for unpaid taxes.

Will assassinate anyone if they wear the same dress as her at the same event.

Yes, I know. Your scary mama will burn Panem to the ground if you were ever reaped as a Tribute for the Hunger Games.

I Owe Casper (Io Jasper)

Super smart, but painfully awkward.

Likes biology and chemistry a lot.

May unlock the secrets of love and the universe.

You almost shut down my school by “accidentally” flooding the hallways with freaking chlorine!!

Stole my dog and dyed it f*ckin’ lime green for some reason.😠🔪

Another certified nerd of danger.

You should consider dating Mr. Anger Issues.

Your family only got rich when they discovered the method of levitating jets and hovercrafts.

Your mommy is an unhinged scientist who works under an insane woman!

Will dissect anyone if given the chance.

May have created a mutt on accident.

You do know that Dr. Gaul hates you for stealing her cute feral squirrel mutt last semester.

Can sneak and kill anyone with a scalpel.

You are an insufferable know-it-all.

High IQ, low EQ.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by polluting the Arena with deadly chemicals.

Florist Friend? Flower Friend? (Florus Friend)

Your name makes sense because your parents are the friendliest landscape designers that I’ve ever met.

Does not like outdoor activities for some reason.

Stole bleach for hair reasons.

Wants to become a lawyer, but does not even follow my rules.😩

Is secretly a proud delinquent.

Locked me once in a broom closet!😡

Might break the law for a free gallon of hair conditioner.

Why are you only friendly to kittens baby cats?

Loves to change and dye his hair to match the trends of the season.

Hates rainy days and gloomy nights.

Your parents must be so disappointed when you told them that you hate gardening.

You do know your family only became rich by being the largest landscaping company in all of Panem.

Almost died from eating a moldy cheesy roll. To be fair, it was your fault.

By the way, your mama wants me to pay for your ambulance fee.☹️

Is sadly allergic to dogs.

Is deathly afraid of eating expired food after that last incident.

Will NEVER win the Hunger Games. How could he? This kid is freaking allergic to rain!