yutaii

[sauceless-maiden]

oh will wood live albums, my beloved

[luvjunie]

— headcanons. what life is like for miles!42

a/n: i honestly didn’t mean for these to get so angsty oopsies!! i kept adding on so they’re also very lengthy wc: 1,751

contains: mentions of grief

Everyone thinks he’s rude and impossible to approach—but that’s a common misconception. In reality, he’s actually quite shy and simply prefers to keep to himself. His quiet nature often causes him to come off ill-mannered, which is completely unintentional on his end and partially the fault of those who assume what he’s like instead of actually getting to know him.

He used to be open to making friends and spending time with peers, but after everyone found out his dad died— which was impossible to prevent considering the man who used to drive him to school now had a giant mural made in his honor— he began receiving a ridiculous amount of pitied stares in the halls, began hearing hushed whispers about how hard things must be for him at home now. And even though they were, he hated that he was being treated differently by those he once kept close to him, like a charity case. As if he were fragile and would break— like he often did when he was alone.

His old friends were supposed to be his distraction, something to take his mind off how he now had to grow up faster than he’d liked. Something to remind him that his trauma hadn’t aged him as much as he feared; that he truly was still a kid at heart. But instead, they served as a constant reminder of the worst thing he’d ever had to live through— skated around him like he’d blow up the second they said the wrong thing; responded with heartfelt condolences instead of laughing with him whenever he’d tell a funny story about his dad. So eventually, he drifted away from them and began keeping to himself all together.

Don’t put him in a box because of his prowler side hustle, this boy is smart as hell!! Especially with one parent now being gone and his mom struggling to pay the bills? He takes his academics very seriously, he has no choice. He has to get it out the mud somehow and he doesn’t have the privilege of skipping classes as much as 1610-miles does. He’s working two years above his grade level in AP Calculus and AP physics, and has been accused of cheating on his tests a couple times due to how fast he completes them, as well as the fact that he has never once asked a question from the seat he chose in the back of the room.

It’s not something anyone would expect, but he enjoys baking a lot and he’s damn good at it too. When he was younger, he’d spent one summer with his Mamá Lena (Rio’s mother), who had him in the kitchen helping her cook and bake almost everyday and it just stuck. It’s a secret talent of his that never really comes up in conversation, and that you wouldn’t know about unless you’ve seen him doing it. His banana bread muffins using a recipe he took months to perfect taste like the gods themselves made them, and he’ll slip one into his mom’s work lunch whenever he makes them because he knows they’re her favorite.

He’s a lover boy at heart, if you were to look into his playlist, the songs you’d find in there probably wouldn’t be what you’d expect. Listens to bobby bland, which was heavily influenced by his uncle, old school rap, and he really likes love songs from the 90s because they make him feel calm, and allow him to imagine what his life would be like if he could have something like what they’re singing about. He’s terrified he’ll never be able to experience that due to his inability to open up to others. And often, he doesn’t even try to express the emotions that are tough to swallow, a firm believer in the saying that ‘once you’re down, it’s hard to get back up.’

Keeps his room pretty clean. It’s probably the one and only thing he has control over in his life, a constant for him. His room is his safe-haven so he treats it as such. It’s basically the same as 1610’s, just with a more matured look, a lot less color and less expression. He unfortunately lost that spark for a lot of his interests, so you won’t see more than a small punching bag, some boxing gloves hanging from the doorknob and few stragglers in the form of posters he didn’t feel like taking down.

He doesn’t like to argue, at all. He hates fighting with anyone he loves and he’s very quick to forgive them or squash the disagreement all together now that his dad is no longer here. When Jeff died, they were still on rocky terms from their previous dispute and even while years have passed, Miles still has yet to forgive himself for that. So now, he usually lets bygones be bygones, and never lets a conversation end on a bad note.

Continued growing his hair out once he realized it was a way for him to bond and spend more time with his mom. Within the little availability they do have, between her working doubles at the hospital, him being pulled in every direction now that he’s the ‘man of the house’—uncle Aaron’s words— and having to do things he’s not proud of to assist her while still going to school during the day, they make the time. Miles only gets it braided by her, and he enjoys the talks they have when he’s sat on the floor between her legs with his back to her. And when she’s done, regardless of how ridiculously embarrassing it is, and how he’s now over a head taller than her, he always lets her pinch his cheeks and call him her ‘handsome little man’. He hasn’t looked at a pair of hair shears since.

On that note, he is very, very defensive when it comes to his mother. Miles is not the kind to go around beating people up just for kicks; mostly because he’s not that kind of person, but also because even if he wanted to— he can’t.

In preparation for stepping into the prowler role Uncle Aaron put Miles into boxing/m.m.a classes when he turned fourteen, and he took to the skill very quickly. So well, in fact, that his hands can now technically be considered deadly weapons in the eye of the law due to his extensive training— which means he could get slapped with a ridiculous assault charge that would have him doing some time in a juvenile correction facility over a simple fist fight. (if he’s not masked as the prowler obviously).

But, some kid in his history class thought it’d be funny to make a slick comment about how Mrs. Morales was ‘single’ and ‘up for grabs’ now that his dad had passed, and the situation ended with Miles suspended for a week after he’d basically thrown his desk over to get to the kid, his knuckles bruised, and a tirade of complaints from the boy’s mother about his now-rearranged nose. However, after hearing the disgusting comment he had made about Miles’ mom, she was kind enough to not press charges and forced her son to apologize to the both of them.

That woman is his saving grace, literally. She stepped up in ways he didn’t even know were possible after his dad died, barely taking time for herself to grieve because she wanted to make sure her little boy didn’t fall apart. He doesn’t let anyone disrespect her and that’s always made known by him. He’s a mama’s boy.

They kind of have a titfortat thing going on, him and his mom. Like how she always stops in to ask him how his day was, if school is going well or if he needs anything, even if the time isn’t ideal and she’s talking to a sleepy Miles at 1am in the morning who can barely keep his eyes open. Or how his uniform is always freshly ironed and laid out for him in the morning, regardless of how exhausted she is and how badly she wants to crawl into bed after her shift. Or how when he’s sick, she’ll drive all the way across town to one of the only fresh markets that sells yuca root and white yautia so she can make him sancocho (a traditional puerto rican dish). It’s the one thing she knows always makes him feel better.

And Miles does nice things for her, too. Like draping a blanket over her sleeping form when she dozes off on the couch in front of the TV. Or making sure her phone is plugged in, so her alarm goes off in the morning, because sometimes she knocks out before she can bring herself to do it. He even goes as far as to secretly slip some extra cash he’s made from a recent job into the ‘RENT’ jar she keeps on her dresser— dropping a hundred in every now and then when she’s not there to see him do it. She’s never once asked him for help, but the one time he took it upon himself to offer it, he was shot down in seconds, and was made to promise her that he wouldn’t worry about it ever again. Her exact words being “You’re too young to worry about something like this mijo, okay? You take all the money you make from your after school job, every single penny, and you save it. Mama’s got this.”

But sometimes, she doesn’t. And Miles knows that she wants to be strong for him. For them. But it takes two, he knows that as well, so he helps out anyway.

And with prayers that they’re not short— Rio counts everything in the rent jar towards the end of the month, and a string of celebratory whoops and hollers will always sound from her room when she realizes they surprisingly have some extra cash that’ll allow her to take some days off and relax for once, and maybe even do something fun together. He’ll listen from his room with a knowing smile, more than happy to let his contributions remain undisclosed to affirm her efforts of providing for them the best she can. With her energy so depleted from how demanding her job is, she’s never suspected it was him discreetly assisting, and chalked it up to her forgetting how much she’d mindlessly dropped in there after each paycheck.

[itsabea]

Drunk!March x Reader who doesn't drink

Description: When you get given some beer from your favourite Blacksmith on a Friday night, who are you to say no? Well, part of you does, since you've never really had alcohol before.

Warnings: slight angst at the end(i didn't mean to- i swear!!), alcohol, swearing, slight social pressure to drink(inflicted by reader),

thank @xxoomiii for getting my brain in a writing mood from her writing. the piece is here for those interested :))

this ended up changing so much from my original idea of "two people getting drunk" to "social anxiety about not drinking alcohol" because i just dont like alcohol- imsorryyyy- i didn't mean to turn it into angst..!!

Part Two: here

You were so ready to have a night at the Inn today. That day was filled with farming, foraging, and fishing, and you were so ready to put down your 'Town Helper' hat and put on your oh, so lovely 'Tired, Rest Needing Citizen' hat.

When you entered the Inn, everyone was doing their own group activities or mingling already. Instead of going to the first group you saw after entering like usual, you decided to take in the whole room for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. This is exactly what you needed; the cosy atmosphere, the sound of lively chatter, and the tight-knit community of people that were all so welcoming- Well, almost everyone.. But that exception would no doubt be drunk off his chair and have the most joyous grin in the room plastered on his face.

And without a second of delay, you heard March call out to you like clockwork. "Heeyyyy..!! C'mere, c'mere- Haave a drink!" March slurred out after somehow both whining and singing your name.

March's words worked like a charm anyway, having you head to him with a slight eye roll and humoured smile as you went. The thing is, you were quite fond of March- Exceedingly more so when he was drunk, which was a fact you didn't like very much. But either way, something about him had you intrigued and interested in him.

At first it was simply platonic curiosity, like how a scientist would want to test their theory. Only, it didn't stay that way for long, and now you had a much stronger emotion tailing you; having you think about him on a near daily basis.

And now it was a sad routine you'd partake in on a weekly basis: talk to March and get insulted, talk to March and get a huff as reply, talk to March and get told to get out of his way, talk to March and get insulted once again.. And then there was the one day of the week that when you talked to him, he wasn't a complete ass.

It made Friday's so much nicer, even though you still knew it was likely fake.. But at this point you would take whatever you could get.

Scooting in next to March, you smiled at him and pushed back your previous thoughts. "Hey, March. How many drinks are you on now?" You asked with a cheeky grin, only for March to grin back and hold his head up high. "Ten." He said confidently, which only made you burst out laughing at his blatant lie.

"He's on his second beer now." Hemlock clarified by half whispering to you from over bar. After you smiled and nodded at Hemlock as a small thanks, you turned your attention back to March, hoping to have a non insult filled conversation- But you froze, smile dropping when March spoke up.

"Oh, hey! We should get you a drink..! Hey Hemlock, can you get us another beer??" March said, smiling away like an idiot as Hemlock denied him the drink. "Finish the one you've got and if you're still standing we'll talk, March." He said, frowning slightly as March clarified. "No, no..! Not for me." March smile out, pointing to you as Hemlock agreed and set out a beer in front of you.

You didn't quite know what to do.. You've never really drunken alcohol before - apart from the time that you first tried it alone and thought it was disgusting. Should you decline and apologise? Or should you just get it over with and try the dreaded beverage again? After all, it might taste different, and it was March that was paying..

You took an experimental sip, and it defintiely tasted just as bad as when you had first tried alcohol. It was just so.. Yeugh that it made you wonder why people even drink the stuff. So much so that you took another, much smaller, sip to make sure it didn't have a hidden taste to it..

Nope! The before taste, during taste, and after taste were all bad. And after having made he face of slight disgust, you heard March laugh slightly from beside you.

"Hahaha..!! Do you like wine or somethin'??" He asked, making you pout slightly and shift in your seat uncomfortably. "No.. I haven't tried it.." You said, looking down at the beer in your hands with a frown. Maybe if you drank some more, you'd end up liking- "But if you don't like beer and haven't tried wine.." March said, trailing off as he gave himself a moment for his thoughts to catch up to his words.

You decided to give the guy a break and answer for him, not prepared for the reaction you were about to get. "I don't drink.." You mumbled out as March's brain cogs seeming to stop, only to start up again to take in your words. "You don't.. Drink.." He repeated, making you slouch in on yourself in embarrassment. "Oh...." March exclaimed, frowning deeply as you sighed.

This wasn't how your night was supposed to go.. You were supposed to be enjoying yourself, not getting all nervous over some stupid, horrid tasting drink. Part of you wanted to leave.. But the next thing March said kept you in your seat.

open ended?? part 2????

idk but thats it for now cause i'm tired and can't deal with much angst in my word diet(i really didn't mean for this to take that kind of turn.. it was supposed to be fun....!)

[wherebettertoescape]

Thoughts on The Outsiders Album

Okay, as I said yesterday, I have a LOT of thoughts on the album and I decided to revive this page so I stop bothering everyone IRL with my thoughts about it 😂 I figure there must be a good amount of people on tumblr who are down to listen to my rants about the album, so here goes.

I'll put it under a cut so there aren't any spoilers for anyone who hasn't listened yet, and I know there's one or two things which I've heard about the prouction via other posts and such. But I will stress that I haven't actually seen it, I've only listened to the album and obsessed over it 😂

It's also below the cut because it's fucking LOOOOONG

Please reply to this or send in your own thoughts - I have so much I want to talk about to do with this album and I'm like... shaking with the need to talk about it with people who actually want to listen 😂

(sad times living in the UK 🥲)

I'm gonna go through the album sequentially, like track by track, because that feels like the thing to do, even though I will say right off that I definitely have more thoughts about some tracks than others. And I will also give my favourite line from each song. But for a just, like, general overview to begin with - I love the album so much?

I will fully admit that I was kinda preparing myself for it to be bad - it's a book that I love and I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie adaptation for a few key reasons, but I was so pleasantly surprised by the musical soundtrack.

I'm in love with the style of music, I love the entire cast (all of them have such different singing voices and styles and I think that they merge together so beautifully), and it has most of the things that I love in a musical - for me, it's got the right balance of the talking sections included with the singing, as well, which I know some people aren't huge fans of, but I might be biased because Soda is and always has been my favourite character and most of the talking is by him 😂 (I love Jason Schmidt, but we'll talk about that later), and as well as that the style of music and singing like gives me a good picture of what the actual choreography might look like, which I'm obsessed with, since I probably won't get to see it unless it somehow gets to the West End (🤞🏻)

Tulsa '67

Okay so this song is just like ✨exposition ✨ but it's done in a fun way, and I've decided it's worth it just for the finale reprise

I was also like stupidly emotional the first time I heard it and it opened with the opening line of the book

I was wary because of the immediate characterisation of Sodapop as being the brother "with a broken heart" (side note - does this mean Sandy broke his heart before the show rather than after it? I've goes QUESTIONS) - I'll go into it again when we get into Grease Got a Hold for obvious reasons, but I was worried that Soda was gonna be reduced into just being a womaniser again, which is something that bothered me about the movie adaptation

Favourite line: "all the girls are pretty there, and all the guys are mean"

Grease Got a Hold

right so it has no right to be as much of a bop as it is, it's been stuck in my head for the past week since it came out and I can't even be mad about it 😂

It's essentially just a typical "gang" song to introduce and characterise all the different members

Dally always saying "Little brother" got me so emotional like immediately

And I know I just said that I was upset with Soda's characterisation as a womaniser, but considering later songs, I will say I do find it really funny that he basically just goes "yeah I'm a greaser bc I love women 😊"

I LOVE TWO-BIT MATTHEWS - I would die for Daryl Tofa, just something soooooo good about the line he gives after Soda's verse

I have to admit, I was a little worried that they were gonna be pushing some anti-Darry propaganda, but I had no cause to worry, as he's an actual angel. Also it's so funny how fucking Done he is the moment he starts speaking

Something really funny about Steve not getting a verse, but something really sad about Johnny not getting one, but I don't have fully fleshed out thoughts yet so I'm gonna leave that there

But also there's just something about all of them trying to act tough, but all of them just have the voices of angels

Favourite line: "I'm a latch-key kid but they keep changing the locks" and also "you wanna be a fighter? then know just what you're fighting for"

Runs in the Family

I'm upset because this song has been such an ear-worm for me, but it's actually just so sad? There are a couple of these, but this is one of the main ones for me

It immediately makes Darry just such a sympathetic character - it's well documented that Ponyboy doesn't feel like he's enough of a greaser, but I don't think we talk enough about Darry is a reluctant greaser

Side note: but I'm really glad that they included Darry having dropped out of school to look after Soda and Pony, because that was kinda glossed over in the movie, which I felt did Darry a disservice

I just want to hug Brent Comer and tell Darry that he's doing a good job and everything will be okay 🥲

Favourite line: "I don't know what them boys would ever do without me - and what would I do on my own?"

Great Expectations

honestly this song deserves a post all of it's own, and maybe one day I'll do a full analysis of it

but in the meantime, it's fucking GORGEOUS, like Brody Grant has NO RIGHT to sound like this I'm so mad

THE FUCKING HARMONIES I WANNA SCREAM THEY'RE SO GOOD

One of the things I've loved about the soundtrack in general is how Pony in particular draws parallels and comparrisons between Johnny and the other greasers - here it's between Darry and Johnny, and I love it because Pony references in the book that he feels like he and Johnny are the outsiders in the greasers, he feels like neither of them really belong there, and they convey that so well in the musical with these constant comparisons in the songs and music

The continual return back to this idea of a self-fulfilling prophechy - trying to prove that they're not all the same just because they're greasers (like with the different verses in Grease Got a Hold), and this striving for individuality despite the overarching label they've been given

Favourite line: "It's hard to write this story, when this story's writing me"

Friday at the Drive-in

they all just sound so young - that's my main take-away from this song

I love songs in musicals like this where you're forced to be reminded how young the characters are and you have to humanise them a bit more - a bit like with "Drink with Me" in Les Mis

Also anytime that a soundtrack includes the dance-break it makes me so happy 🥲

Favourite Line: "Got no more stress, nothing to worry me - no more teacher's pet or trigonometry"

I Could Talk to You All Night

I need to say that I love this song, but the opening from Cherry is so fucking savage - like fucking hell there's no need to do that to Pony 😂

Again obsessed with Pony not feeling like enough of a Greaser

I'm a sucker for two people who feel lost in their own worlds finding each other and bonding because they can be themselves in a way that they can never be around their other friends

It's just such a pretty duet, and I want more of Brody Grant and Emma Pittman singing - we could have a million songs of the two of them and it wouldn't be enough

Favourite line: "I'd rather read then fight a rumble, but Greasers have to go along"

Runs in the Family (Reprise)

Dude it's such a serious song, and I'm obsessed that despite that there's just Soda being a little shit in the background

"I'll fold your laundry - I'LL FOLD ALL OF IT"

I love that even in this song it's like you can tell he's just so worried about Pony but it's coming out so angry and frustrated

So full of grief for the life he almost had

He's just so angry at Pony for still being able to dream, and it's like he feels like he needs to prepare Pony for real life, because he feels like he can't dream or wish for things anymore

And then just the screeching violin at the end of the song followed by DEAD FUCKING SILENCE, and then it switches to the next song where Pony starts singing acapella it's just herugighadlsiughukdhjsak, y'know?

Favourite line: "Whats the use in dreaming, about a life I'll never know? That ship sailed long ago"

Far Away from Tulsa

okay so I've already said that I'm obsessed with it beginning with Brody Grant acapella, and I know that the songs probably don't flow straight from one to the other in the actual production, but for the sake of the cast recording the effect is incredible

But also, there was absolutely no need to make this song so gay 😂 - Ponyboy, the bisexual icon we all need

It's very reminiscent of Santa Fe, with just kids dreaming for a life that they could have outside of their big city. Especially with the line "this place is real, it's not just in my head", which is VERY similar to "just be real is all I'm asking, not some painting in my head", but I'm okay with it because Brody Grant is incredible

But that line, as well as the one "'Ponyboy you're just a dreamer', that's what both my brothers say" are also really great links back to the previous song with the references of him being a dreamer, and that being what sets him apart from the other Greasers

I also just wanna say that I think it's criminal that there weren't more Pony/Johnny duets. Sky Lakota-Lynch and Brody Grant own my soul

Also catch me being emotional over Johnny's dream being wanting a family - he doesn't realise that he's already got one in the gang 🥺 (I could write an essay about this and Dally's continued use of 'little brother')

OKAY ALSO OBSESSED WITH THE CIRCLE BACK TO GREAT EXPECTATIONS, AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE LYRICS CHANGE FROM

"Torn between what is and what could be. It's hard to write this story when this story's writing me"

TO

"It's all becoming clear, there's no way we're gonna find that here"

GOTTA ESCAPE TULSA TO ESCAPE THEIR FATE, SOMETHING AGAIN ABOUT SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES, I JUST CAN'T

Favourite line: "I'm tired of blindly watching as we're inching towards the ground"

Run Run Brother

There's so much to say about this song, but I literally can't formulate the words, so it's probably gonna be one that I come back to and properly analyse later. so in the meantime, here are my key take-aways

right from the beginning, it gives just an "oh-shit" feeling, just so much urgency and desperation

All three of them have such different singing voices and styles and the combination of the three just makes me so happy and I don't even know how to like express what I'm feeling

Back to the thing about Dally always calling Johnny (and Pony, but we're emotional about Johnny here) "brother"

the music is just so fitting - I feel like I need to be up and moving every time I hear it, like if I ran ever this would be on the playlist 😂

And I'm going insane over the echoes of what has been previously been said - the "grease isn't given it's something you earn", and "let's leave this behind, let's just get up and go" like you're FORCED to face that they are being given what they want but in a really terrible way

Favourite line: "I hate to make you go, but there ain't no other way"

Justice for Tulsa

okay so I know that this is a really important song and everything, but I will admit this is the one I tend to skip most

I will say I think this song would hit harder if they kept with the themes of police brutality that there are in the novel and movie with regards to Dally's death (going off what I've heard about the script changes from people who have seen it, I can't verify myself)

The song feels very claustrophobic, with everyone just trying to blame everyone else, which I think is really well done. Especially with the multiple voices coming in with "you know just what you did"

And it does show the bias of the world trying to blame the Greasers just by reputation alone, which is thematically nice

and also just the kinda mob mentality of the whole thing, especially at the end, with a declaration of war

Favourite line: "or we could send them back a message, take an eye for an eye"

Death's at My Door

I think I've seen somewhere that this is the opening song for the second act and I just - fucking hell, what an opener 😂 they really just wanna destroy all of us, huh?

EDIT: I've been corrected, and it's Justice for Tulsa that starts act 2 - my bad guys, I don't know where I saw otherwise. JfT starting act 2 makes soo much more sense 😂

I wanted to like reach through my headphones somehow and hug Brody Grant, like holy shit

The first time I heard it all I could think about was how much he's going to blame himself when Johnny (and Dally) do die - especially with Johnny having comforted Pony about it

And I'm just emotional about the exploration of Pony thinking of himself as a burden on everyone he loves, especially going back to what Darry says to him in Runs in the Family reprise, just confirming everything that Pony already worries about himself

Favourite line: "I don't believe in the death that you're bringing - the reason I'm living is you"

Throwing in the Towel

I just love brothers okay? This song made me want to like message all my siblings and tell them I love them

I loved that we see Pony's inner thoughts and fears about being a burden on his brothers, immediately followed by seeing Darry's own thoughts and feelings - the two of them being so similar in how they blame themselves for everything

All three of the Curtis brothers being terrified of losing anyone else

AND THIS IS THE SODA CHARACTER REDEPTION I NEEDED - he becomes more than just the womaniser, you can see him having like actual thought and feelings, and the amount of emotion in Jason Schmidt's voice as he's trying to reassure Darry, like this song and Soda's letter gets across everything that makes Soda my favourite character

And there's something to be said about how they're finally like communicating their emotions 😂

Favourite line: "I know your head is full of doubt, but brother that's what love is all about"

Soda's Letter

Musical letters my beloved ❤️

I love songs like these - they're always just so vulnerable

It links to Tulsa '67 Reprise with the reference to how Soda kinda keeps the family all together. This song you can like see the strain that it has on him, trying to keep the brothers who he loves so much together, by trying to tell Pony that Darry does love him even though he shows it in a very different way

also anyone who has seen it and made it this far in the post can you tell me whether they keep in the bit about Pony reading this really heartfelt letter only to go "Soda's so dumb he can't fucking spell" because it's all I could think about when I listened to it for the first time

Favourite line: "Your brother needs you just as much as you need him, and brother we ain't doing to good alone"

Hoods Turned Heroes

The triumphant return of my beloved Two-Bit, and he's doing some king shit

I love him, okay?

This is another song where I know it's really important, but I actually don't have much to say about it, other than I do really enjoy it

Favourite line: "It's time to celebrate Greasers, take pride in the Greaser name"

Hopeless War

I love that it's just Cherry begging Pony not to change, and hoping that he's still an outsider of the Greasers like she is for the Socs, a hope that the two of them are still kindred spirits even after everything that happened

She knows that the rumble is gonna be where Pony loses that last bit of dreamer in him because he's holding just so much anger at the world - I dunno, there's something there I'm sure 😂

it's such a smooth transition into "Trouble" and I wanna SCREAM it's so good

Favourite line: "even if you win, it doesn't change a thing"

Trouble

It feels like a war chant or something

The music is just so agitated

It's like Run Run Brother where I feel the need to be up and moving

Favourite line: "Do it for Johnny, even the scores, time to rally the crew"

Little Brother

I get chills every time I listen to it

Something about Joshua Boone's voice guys, I don't even know like how someone goes about beginning to talk about it, but whoever takes over as Dally has got some big shoes to fill

It's a lament to Johnny, and I feel like I listen to it and I feel the same anger and indignation that Dally feels

It's a song where I listen to it and I know, even without having seen the production, how I'd stage it and that always makes me excited

The longer the song goes on, the more uneasy you feel listening to it

It links him and Darry together again, with how he blames himself for everything that happened to his little brother, he feels like he should have been able to protect Johnny, the way that Darry always tries to protect Ponyboy

The final tempo increase and the discordant violin at the end, and it feels like even just listening to it you're watching him fall into a grief-led madness, and his certainty that there's only one way that his story can end

Favourite line: "They can't take anymore from me - if I ain't got you, then I ain't got nothing else"

Stay Gold

It feels somehow criminal to put these songs next to each other, but I mean obviously they have to be - that's how they want you to feel, but it doesn't mean that I'm not mad about it

I've listened to it like a million times and it still brings me to tears every now and then

There's something about having the hopelessness of "Little Brother", with Dally bring so apologetic at having failed Johny, followed by Johnny asking Pony to tell him that there's still good in the world

Just how much everyone in this story needs each other and they don't realise that the others need them too, yknow?

Johnny being Dally's "gold" - a lot to say about that but yknow, this is already long as fuck

The simplicity of the music itself (same as with Soda's letter - makes them thematically the same blah blah blah with them both being letters and all that), but it makes the song much more vulnerable than some of the others - nothing for Sky Lakota-Lynch to hide behind

Also that line: "I have looked into a thankful father's eyes, telling me I've saved his daughters life", and how that links to what Johnny says in the book about the little girl's life being worth more than his - I dunno, it just got me emotional, okay?

Favourite line: "I hold on to the good 'cause I've made my peace with all the bad" and also "It's easy to forget when you're trying just to make it through"

Tulsa '67 Reprise

WE MADE IT BOYS (seriously though, for real, if you made it this far, thanks for reading through my descent into madness 😂 and please send your own thoughts and such, bc I'm desperate to hear other people's thoughts)

I said it at the beginning, but I think the reprise of this song makes the exposition at the beginning worth it

At the beginning we hear Ponyboy as a dreamer, and at the end he still has that, but rather than idolising and making everything spectacular, he sees beauty in the mundane - he sees it in his brothers, his friends, all of that

The call backs to the original song as well, which allow us to go back to the theme of looking at individuality - the Greasers wanting to be seen as more than just characatures, and by the end they are like fully-fleshed out people rather than just the basic stock figures we initially get them introduced as in Grease Got a Hold

The clearest examples are, of course, Darry and Soda

Darry goes from being "could have been a football star, people say he had a ticket out" to instead being "the toughest guy I've ever known"

Soda goes from "suffers from a broken heart" to "this family's life and soul"

and then it goes from "got no parents, we fend for ourselves" to "can you imagine how proud mum and dad would be"

just something so beautiful about that, I dunno

There's more I could say about the themes of brotherhood and individuality ("grease as their disguise", for example), but I'll spare it for now

Favourite line: "Just too damn good for growing old, and in his memory I stay gold"

(finally - if you've stuck around to the end, I've also recently set up an instagram account, just for me, so please also check that out if you wanna hear more about my thoughts about random musicals and stuff!)

Freddie 🐸 (Instagram)

[paradiscake]

Random headcanons I have about the cool bug demon (Sparda) that I've decided to inflict upon you:

Since he's basically a big bug demon, and normal bugs do things like chirp and screech and growl and mantle their wings to try and make themselves look bigger, personal headcanon that Sparda makes little chirping noises sometimes when he's happy. Sometimes he's not even aware he's doing it, if he's relaxed enough. Absolutely hummed and sang to the twins when they were babies and toddlers to soothe them and make them feel Safe and Loved. Actually has a pretty decent singing voice, especially in human form.

His singing voice in demon form isn't exactly BAD, as such, its just... not something you'd want to hear if you're fighting the guy. He chants or hums or sings when he fights, too, and it sounds either a) disconcerting and horrifying as fuck, if he's doing it because his blood is up and he wants to intimidate you, or just because he's so pumped on bloodlust he has to express that somehow, or b) inspiring, like a rallying battle cry, only extended, and meant to be heard across miles of chaotic, noisy battlefield(s), if you're on his side. He also hisses, growls, or outright shrieks when he's annoyed or enraged, if he's in demon form and fighting. Also absolutely mantles his wings to make himself look bigger, as a threat display. Maybe not something he does so much any more, once he becomes Mundus' right hand man, since by then he probably feels like he doesn't NEED to make a show of how powerful he is, but the instinct is still there.

Probably molts, too, for the same reasons most bugs molt. Also helps him repair his armor, if it gets damaged enough, and change the armor's shape and design to suit different situations.

AAAAH, coincidental but I was thinking about Sparda's voice too! That he has a particular trademark battle cry that strikes fear in the enemies.

But this is even better, the relations to bugs. And the emotions he can convey through that.

Oh and he could totally sing as a human. He loved mankind and lived for 2000 years. It only makes sense he learnt how to sing from them, from the best human singers.

Maybe he had a special "buggy" humming just for Dante and Vergil. It was their lullaby. And Eva had her own for the twins. While hers was more human and 'familiar' with words, Sparda's appealed to their demon side with simple hummings only he understands. It's stuck with Vergil and Dante even 40 years later.

Oh the molting! I do imagine he would need his Devil Trigger form to heal like magically but molting is an interesting concept for that.

[izpira-se-zlato]

Why Sunny Side of London Should Not Be The Opener

I've been listening to my recordings from ESNS 24 a bunch (because I don't have any streaming services and currently have my work laptop plugged into my speakers), and what really struck me is ��� SSOL is Not A Good opener.

A small essay, under the cut, because I still have not learned how to keep my ramblings short and somehow wrote around 800 words. Yeah. I tried not getting too critical, but it does talk about why I think something they're doing does not work, so proceed with caution if that is likely to upset you.

ETA: Added a bit about ESNS and Platosonic

Before we get into this, a bit of info about ESNS and Platosonic: ESNS is a music showcase festival – not a competition, as Bojan claimed, but an event where during the day, music industry people go to conference-style panels and in the evenings/night, "breakout artists" from Europe play showcase sets of 40 minutes. So there's a pretty decent chance there's like, critics and producers and god knows who else from the music industry in the audience.

Platosonic is an event set in the Plato record store (and the neighbouring coffee shop) where artists who also play festival sets play smaller, special sets in a more intimate atmosphere – JO with their half-acoustic set (i.e. Kris was on an acoustic guitar), and another artists from the band AySay played a solo set with her saz, to name two).

Okay, and with the stage set like that, back to the original essay.

I've been thinking about it for a while (ever since first hearing it live, really), that it works better at the end of the set, when they play it as their encore: the crowd is hyped, we've been partying, we've been partying together, and then it's just a release of emotion that feels good.

At the start of the set though? It hasn't worked for me ever since I first heard it live in that spot at Stožice. I put it down as, oh, I don't like this song that much anyway at first, but it's more than that, and the ESNS version really drove that home. They weren't playing to a home crowd there – Bojan remarked upon the familiar faces in the front row, and I got the vibes that he was a little glad, but for the most part, the crowd was pretty dead at first. They hadn't yet won them over. They needed to put the work in.

And SSOL does not put that work in. Instead, it already expects to reap the rewards, but if you don't know this band, and don't know this song, then having the first song suddenly put you on the spot and demand you scream... What for? They haven't yet done anything. They haven't yet played, they haven't yet shown their skill, and yet they demand you cheer for them?

And Bojan clearly recognised that something was off – he yells you guys suck, after the first scream bit, which is relatable but feels jarring and awkward every time I listen to the recording. It's unprofessional: the crowd didn't suck, you just expected adoration and engagement without having built it up.

It reminds me a bit of the Stožice recording. Now of course, Stožice was them playing in front of a literal home crowd, which adds another layer of complexity: a Slovenian crowd for a Slovenian band, and the (rightful) fear that in their bid for international stardom, they would abandon their Slovenian roots.

But it's what we have a professional recording for, and the change between SSOL and Gola is noticeable. Where SSOL has the scream bits that are loud (and imo better mixed in than in the studio version, which is jarring with how suddenly it switches between music and the screaming), Gola has the crowd just getting into it in a way that's missing from SSOL. SSOL feels like the prelude while Gola is the opening.

And, as many problems I have with SSOL, I think it's a decent live song! It's fun, it's easy to sing along to, it's a way for you to let out the emotions that built up... if they've been built up. Which is why I think they're doing themselves and the song a disservice by using it to open. It's a celebration of their fans and the atmosphere at their concerts, but the audience needs to be in that atmosphere. It does not work very well to build that atmosphere because it expects you to already be in that mindset.

And the ESNS set really underscored that. The crowd was silent, because why would they scream? Because the singer asked them to? Why would they? The band hadn't yet done anything except introduce themselves; they hadn't yet put the work in and yet expected to reap the rewards.

There was another bit that fell flat – when Bojan did his usual Anatagaski/Watashi mo spiel – and it was less jarring, but I think he could have done with more confidence there. And I do wonder whether he might have had more confidence if they hadn't started with SSOL.

Because I think they can win "fresh" people over, even with a full set in Slovene (hell, they did it to many of us). I'm pretty sure they won over a good chunk of that crowd. They have charisma, the songs are catchy, their stage presence is fun. But SSOL and demanding audience participation before they've earned it really hurt them.

And of course the Platosonic set the next day was different – smaller, more relaxed, less pressure from "industry people in the audience" – but Bojan seemed way more relaxed and way more in his element there, and if he'd been like that at Maas on Wednesday, and if they hadn't started with SSOL but ended with that, it would have been a much stronger set.

[homestuckreplay]

turntechGnostic? gardenGodhead?

(page 381-387)

Dave is a cool guy, yknow? A cool dude whose default face is complete neutrality, who doesn't show emotions besides anger, the only acceptable feeling for men. If he's feeling something positive, he'll show it with a nod of the head or a twinkle of the sunglasses, not-

HEY. WHAT'S THAT SMILE ON YOUR FACE, COOL GUY????

What's fun about meeting Dave is that we get to see him talk to all three of his friends in pretty quick succession, while with John it was far more spaced out. Dave loves John so much but I think he kind of talks down to him, and with Rose, it's the witty banter of equals. With GG, Dave is the one who seems lost in the conversation. GG throws Dave for a loop multiple times, and also blatantly makes fun of him with 'bro! hehehe' and 'feeling cool today? mr cool guy?' I didn't expect Dave to like this, and it's not obvious in the conversation that he does, but that tiny smile kinda says it all. I can honestly see these two becoming my favorite dynamic of the four main characters.

We get more GG lore too! They have a 'goofy' fetch modus which I'm super curious about. It turns out they have a granddad who's a big presence in their life, not a sister. They also have a pet who TG refers to as a 'devilbeast', and who is hard to feed and can overpower GG. Could be an unruly, badly trained dog, or perhaps GG lives on a farm and this is some kind of farm animal? Or an exotic pet their grandad attempted to tame (since he's apparently a 'total badass') but who shouldn't really be kept as a pet.

Also GG might have some psychic powers, or at least believe that they do. Which definitely puts their earlier conversations with John in a new light - instead of urging him to get the package now because they're excited to see his reaction, which is what I originally assumed, they're just emphasizing how important the package is, so that he'll know opening it is a priority if and when he finds it later.

The TG lore we get is.... less delightful. He mends his window with gaffa tape, which makes it objectively less functional as a window, definitely can't help with the heat, and doesn't even cover up the full hole. Like, just put a poster over it. More effective for less effort. Also his 'takedown' of monster movie tropes on p.386 is identical to 'guy who hates musicals because people sing in them' and is just exhausting to read. Also he thinks a white puppet ventriloquist rapper is the coolest shit ever, which is inexcusable. Basically, he needs to hang out with GG more so that they can chill him out and make him more tolerable.

I missed John so much. I've been thinking for a couple days about how I miss John, and here he is! The oil in his room has gotten significantly worse compared to p.253, which is a shame, because John is a fairly neat and clean kid when his sylladex isn't totally ruining his life.

But I guess this little harlequin beastie doesn't care about that? I love this thing's design, it's so fun. It looks so angry but somehow so incapable of causing any real harm that isn't oil based. What a silly hat for something that wants to be intimidating so bad. This will probably confirm to John once and for all that clowns are bad.

We've seen a couple other jet black, #000000 creatures so far. The Wayward Vagabond, linked from p.271, has smaller and rounder eyes but the same clawed hands. And the members of the Midnight Crew, seen on p.328-331, are visibly shinier (including their clothes?) with no visible teeth, but the rightmost two have those same elongated horizontal white eyes. Notably, all of these characters wear distinctive headgear. They all have really different roles in the story, so this could just be a shorthand for characters outside of the main four and their families, but it would be cool if some or all of them were connected.

[nr1chaedickrider]

finally.. the long awaited doughnut theory of mine, before i start im gonna tell yall that a theory isnt smth canon, and everyone sees it differently. so this is my theory!

Music videos you need to watch so it makes sense: Doughnut, Kura Kura, Better

-

Better MV

Since this mv only has one scene that in my opinion fits my theory im gonna do it first (pls watch the mv before reading this, the scene is with dahyun rather in the end)

So we all know that the better mv was released wayyy before doughnut, but there is this one scene with dahyun that i first havent even noticed when i watched the mv, but the second i saw it i knew somehow that it fits my theory well.

Im talking about the scene where dahyun puts her finger over her mouth, in a way to maybe signal us to be quiet?

But why should we be quiet? Is smth gonna happen years after the mv? What is she planning on doing?

Doughnut MV

obviously, this mv is the most important. again, please watch it before reading this part. (im gonna try and keep it short)

Very important is the guy in the mv, pay attention to who he meets (Tzuyu's phone call doesnt count, ill explain later)

Members that met the guy: Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo, Sana, Chaeyoung.

All the members i have just mentioned are dead.

Killed by the guy, I dont really know why he did that.

"But Tzuyu called him!" Yes he called him, but you cant realistically kill someone over a telephone call.

Now to the most important people: Dahyun, Jihyo and Mina (Tzuyu is important too, but she doesnt play a big role in the doughnut mv)

Dahyun and jihyo:

These two have smth going on in the mv its weird, maybe its jealousy, maybe something else im not sure. But what im sure about is that Dahyun murdered Jihyo.

You can see that in the scene where Dahyun does the finger pistol thing and Jihyo falls down on the ground of a place that has similarity to the.. heaven?

The bridge part:

The way Dahyun sings her lines and first she looks proud, happy, but she suddenly looks like she has no emotions? no smiling or anything.

in my opinion, this shows her guilt, her realising "i killed jihyo".

this isnt really important to my theory, but i find it weird how michaeng are the only members that "clearly" have a scene together (ofc they sang together but still...) maybe chae is trying to warn her? maybe mina is trying to warn chae?

The scene changes to jihyo singing her high note.

What can you see on her white dress?

Something that looks like someone shot her (dahyun's fingerpistol while aiming at jihyo?)

the wound is shaped like an heart, maybe dahyun killed her out of love?

The camera goes through jihyo, and who do we see?

Dahyun eating the doughnut in the beginning at the crime scene where mina was.

"But what does that mean?"

Guilt.

In her bridge part, she realised she actually killed jihyo, her solution? Killing herself by eating a poisonous doughnut.

so thats how dahyun died.

"What about Mina?"

Mina is alone in the whole mv (except the table scene and the michaeng scene), she wanders around, sometimes she is running.

It looks like she is searching for something. But for what? Her dead friends?

Everyone died except Mina and Tzuyu in the mv, until...

Kura Kura MV

and again, please watch the mv before reading this part.

only a few scenes in this mv are important for my theory.

dahyun sitting under a tree and eating grapes.

just saying it like this sounds dumb, but if you know a little of religion then it is odly familiar.

(im not an expert on this so sry if its wrong)

adam and eve had the same thing just with apples,being not allowed to eat them bla bla bla but eve does it anyway.

meaning = she sinned.

what did dahyun do? killing jihyo, a sin (obviously)

survivors guilt:

definition: Survivors guilt is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others.

"Who couldve had survivors guilt?"

Tzuyu.

Why else is she killing herself in the kura kura mv? Drowning herself after everyone died and only her and Mina survived.

Leaving Mina completly alone.

The whole kura kura mv shows mina alone, her sitting alone in a cafe.

when she leans against a wall, it cracks. Why?

Because she has no one behind her, no one to help her.

All the TWICE members die except Mina.

Ayy i finally did it!!!! this was fun ngl...

i hope yall enjoyed it, i kinda feel like an nerd bc im so invested in twice lore its crazy.....

i left out some things (for example the way jeongyeon was trapped in both doughnut and kura kura mv) since i didnt wanted to make it too long and in my opinion some of the things are not that important for my theory so...

[moreespressoformydepresso]

TBOSAS where the thing that fixes the pain and suffering is the Capitol’s cruelty. Because I love positive irony like that.

Somehow, the zoo enclosure where the kids are kept is destroyed. Since it’s so unbearably hot in the books say something caught on fire and the tributes were taken out of the enclosure because there won’t be any games if all of them are dead. This conveniently sidesteps Brandy’s death because it happens either just before or right after she stabbed Arachne. If she did kill her bitch of a mentor the fire was so beautifully times that all evidence of her little crime was destroyed and nobody knows it was her. How convenient. One could almost say it’s divine intervention. Now, the kids need to be kept somewhere, and the zoo was sooooo annoying for the mentors, so the tributes are put in cages around the city. Near the academy so those poor oppressed rich kids who aren’t about to die don’t have to suffer even more for traveling 10 minutes to see the vile district scum. This… backfires horribly for the Capitol. See, the tributes are separated. For the sake of this story they’re all in separate cages on their own.

How does this lead to a fix-it? Well, it’s now much harder to not interact with the tributes. You don’t have to go to the zoo to see them, and you won’t have to pay money either. The tributes can’t hide in the enclosure, so everyone can see the discomfort plain on their faces as they try to cling to some kind of privacy. The cages have one side agains some kind of structure, so seeing these kids ducked agains the one solid part of their cage is very hard hitting because it’s impossible to ignore what they’re going through now. Even the biggest tributes look small, all alone and helpless.

And then the mentors get involved, and things really kick into high gear. All the tributes like Sejanus, and at first people thought it’s because he’s district. Now they can see it’s because he’s actually nice to them. The nicer mentors are trying their best to help their tributes, and the less amazing ones receive a bit of a cold shoulder. Several fights between different pairs of mentors and tributes happen, and all of them color in the kids’ perspective of everything in a way that’s undeniable. I feel like a big part of why the Capitol citizens had so little empathy is because they refused to see things from the tributes’ perspective due to not seeing them as people. But when massive crowds witness these arguments, it’s hard not to. When all you see is a figure deep in the enclosure and a face on a screen it’s easy to chalk their anger up to some irrational grudge or just vile beasts being their vile beastly selves without thinking about it too much. It’s a lot harder to do that when you have Facet screaming at Livia for treating him like a disposable object and shirking all her duties as a mentor, such as providing his basic needs, while pretending she’s done jack shit for him. When the citizens hear the raw emotion in his voice, it’s very difficult to not feel even the slightest bit of empathy.

And when they watched Lamina cry on a screen, it was easy to laugh at her for being so weak. But when this young girl is sobbing right in front of you, and you can see the pain on her face? Suddenly it’s a whole lot less funny. Even more so when she calls Pup over and ignores the food he offers her in favor of asking about her district partner. The crowd can’t ignore what they’re putting these kids through when they watch a clearly starving girl only accept food when she’s reassured a boy that has to die for her to live is being fed. When Lucy Gray sings for food it feels like the beggars in the city until she asks her mentor to bring more than half of what she got to Jessup and whichever tributes have gotten the least that day. And when all the tributes keep asking about each other with clear and obvious worry, even for the tributes from other districts who they’ve only known for days, suddenly the people find themselves stuck with the unescapable notion that these are kids who are being forced to perform like circus animals, who are about to be forced to kill each other, yet still find it in themselves to show empathy. It’s especially inescapable when the tough, strong tributes who everyone expects to be vicious are the ones doing this. Reaper and Coral for Dill and Mizzen, of course, but even more impactfully Marcus for Sabyn. Two of the stronger tributes showing concern for one another, despite neither having that underdog or innocent air the younger tributes have.

At one point, Treech is performing for a crowd and some of the mentors pass by, including Vipsania. As soon as they approach he stops what he’s doing and retreats to the one solid side of his cage. Vipsania calls for him, and he utterly ignores her existence. All he dignifies her with is a hateful glare. Then Pup comes into his line of sight, and he shoots up immediately to ask whether Lamina’s okay. It’s only when Vipsania gets huffy about this that Treech actually acknowledged and responds to her. Not nicely though. Rather, he goes “now why ever would I not want to talk to you? It’s not like you starved me so I’d perform or anything. Gosh, it’s such a mystery!” Before turning back around intending to sit down. Vipsania tries to defend herself and it goes about as well as you may expect. By which I mean, a one-sided screaming match ensues. More like Treech giving into the urge to start ranting and raving about all the shit he’s been through while finally telling Vipsania how he feels about her treating him like a toy to use and discard once he’s no longer of use to her. When she says she just wants to help him now, he reminds her that her “help” so far has come down to actively making his life harder for her own benefit. “You’ve done enough, Sickle. Go back to your prissy princess palace and leave me alone.” Very similar to Facet when he finally gave Cardew a piece of his mind, actually.

And slowly people start giving the tributes food, even when they’re not performing. Slowly they start to change their minds about the games, and once the interviews happen they finally realize all these kids have families and friends waiting for them in the districts. And only one of them gets to go home. But… they’ve seen how sweet these kids are to those that don’t treat them like shit. And honestly, nobody really wants to see them die anymore. And they realize if they don’t act now it’ll be too late. So they act. And long story short the games are finally stopped for good.

[umbrellalavender]

Umbrella Academy spoilers:

I’ve just finished the show.

I’m balling my eyes out on my sofa. Yet at the same time I feel so emotionally numb.

I enjoyed this season so much!

I don’t know if the ending was satisfying or not. I just don’t know. It made me feel something.

I was singing along to I Think We’re Alone Now just crying at the end. And I was screaming seeing all the characters back. And when Gabriel Bà was in it! (It might have been better if I watched it yesterday, considering that’s the day Pogo said?)

There were some moments that just really hit! Lila sending her family off to another timeline knowing that she’s going to have to sacrifice herself. Her and Allison knowing that their children aren’t going to have parents. And just seeing them on the field all happy made me cry so much.

I hate to admit that I wasn’t satisfied with Ben’s ending. I thought it would be a bit more emotional, but it just kind of sucked that he didn’t get that time with the others at the end. The effects when he was turning just made me laugh as well. Ben’s my favourite so I’m annoyed he didn’t get that time.

Also, I do kind of ship Ben and Jennifer. I’m not that familiar with MCR lore, but they remind me of the demolition lovers. When I think about them, I think about the ending of I Never Told You What I Do for a Living, “And never again, and never again, they gave us to shots to the back of the head and we’re all dead now.”

Umbrella Ben’s death hit me so hard! I was expecting this really emotional moment, but the lack of emotions in it really made it.

One: Ben was sent on this mission despite not wanting to go.

Two: They were made to blow up something with a living being inside. Ben didn’t want to blow up someone.

Three: Reginald shot Jennifer and his own son with no remorse what so ever. In front of his siblings!

Four: Ben and Jennifer’s body being the title card felt so brutal!

Five: Reginald wiped their minds so they wouldn’t remember what even happened to their own brother.

Six: He put the blame on his siblings! And gave that utterly shit eulogy! Somehow, that funeral scene found a way to become even more shitty, which is quite impressive!

Honestly, I think this was the best way to do it. There are so many questions around it too. Was Pogo aware of what happened? Was Ben? I get the idea that Umbrella Ben remembers being shot, but he probably wouldn’t know who killed him. Ben wouldn’t know that his siblings didn’t know?

I love Abigail and Reginald! It took me by surprise that Abigail was responsible for this and that she wanted the opposite to what Reggie wanted. Reggie had done all this to bring her back and she wanted to end it all. In a way, Reginald is quite similar to the children with his motivations and it really shines through this season. Colm Feore plays him so well! He’s funny and detestable at the same time.

I also really enjoy the subway system! I think it was a really cool way to show them travelling through timelines.

This might be controversial, but I enjoyed the Five and Lila situation. I’ve seen quite a lot of hate for it. But it made an interesting dynamic when they got back. And it also makes sense for the characters. They had been stuck jumping through timelines for 7 years.

I love that there are quite a lot of comic references in here. A small one is that I recognised who Jennifer was before her name was revealed because her name badge was the same design as the comics. Pretty proud of myself for that one!

But mostly that Klaus got to have his Hotel Oblivion story arc (it is Hotel Oblivion, right).

I have calmed down a little bit after writing this. It really feels like the end, you know? There’s no easy way to just bring the characters back in my mind and I don’t like that. I feel like after every season, I just feel smaller and smaller because of how many timelines they introduce. And this one is the same. It does a much better job at making me feel small. I still feel like there are many mysteries, which would be fun to delve into fanfiction for!

So, yeah. Long ramble about season 4. I enjoyed this season so much. And this show has meant a lot to me over the years. I can’t believe it’s over.

[idiotwithanipad]

-Headcanons for Robin I've had going through my head for hours now🫣

・Robin went millions of years without knowing about his power over electricity. So maybe he found out about lightning somehow through a living who stayed/lived at Button House and all of his memories before his death added up. The last thing he would've heard and seen would be a loud bang and a flash of light... Then nothing, not really any indication that THAT was the cause of his death...back then anyway. And we know that when his emotions are at their peak, he causes lights to flicker and bulbs to blow, maybe one day he was at near breaking point for whatever reason in whatever emotion and a bulb blew right by him (kinda like how in Matilda when she looks at the TV, gets angry, and it explodes)? Then he began practicing on lights placed around the house. 

・At some point, Robin obviously learned that he died because of lightning, not the bear (even though he still blames the bear😂) and the science behind lightning related deaths: essentially cooking to death from the inside. He knows what lightning can do because when he rushes to save Mike in that one episode he keeps looking up at the sky, he knows what he's about to do and he's watching to make sure he gets there in time to make his move. He knows that he's the only one who can save Mike because lightning IS electricity.

・Robin and Mary most likely felt more connected to each other after learning about each other's deaths. Robin knows how Mary died since he was a witness to it all, he saw that Mary was innocent... Strange, but innocent🥰 So after learning about how Robin died, Mary most likely felt less alone in her circumstances; She burned to death on the outside, he burned to death on the inside

・Robin most likely has a gaydar. He's seen homosexuality all throughout the ages in all shapes and sizes, even in his own tribe. There was most likely a hunky guy in the tribe who could snap a Mammoth tusk in half with his bare hands. Back in his day, who WOULDN'T be attracted to that?😂 Most likely the reason he knows about The Captain and Anthony Havers. Other than seeing it with his own eyes, he probably had an inkling that The Captain had feelings for Anthony Havers; Robin picks up on small details, so he'd be keeping an eye on body language and eye contact between two people. He'd know instantly. (Also Robin would definitely be president of the Button House Pride club if there was one😂

・Robin has a soft spot for kids. Clearly, he had many many of his own babies, so he's very used to them. But look how he behaves around children and young teens; when Sophie Bone (age 12) comes to Button House, he's all over her like a rash trying to pick up on what she's saying... And ends up learning a wholeass language... Let that sink in. He also most likely never left her side during her many years there, he slept on her window seat for crying out loud🥺) Then there was those kid's birthday party at the house. Even though they couldn't see him, he was still dancing around and being silly with them. Then after Julian accidentally caused a cup to fall on the floor and smash, he rushed over to it and tried to tell Alison, maybe because he knew it was sharp and one of the kids could cut their foot on it? 🥺and did you hear his laugh in that scene, like did you really listen to the way he laughs... Heartstrings WERE tugged🥹

・Robin most likely felt a little bit paternal over Kitty. He watched her grow from a child into a young woman, he obviously knows her better than he'd probably like to admit. When Kitty is upset, he doesn't just brush it off like everyone else, he sticks around to tell her it's okay to cry and that it'll make her feel better (🥺❤️) along with Mary (surrogatemumanddad). They stay with her until she falls asleep and LOOK at how they melt when she does sleep, like LOOK

When Kitty sings, look at the faces Robin and Mary make, tell me those AREN'T the faces of parental bliss😂 (I also don't think it's a coincidence that they sat Robin and Mary next to each other in that scene).

Just the way they look at Kitty in general

Then there's this..

Kitty got the lead role an he was proud, need I say more...And during their pantomime rehearsal when Fanny badmouths Kitty (Cinderella), the look on Robin's face. He's like 'we're just gonna ALLOW this?!

・Robin most likely related to Pat in most ways. He knows what it's like to be taken away from his family so quickly so soon, especially with so much depending on him. When Pat goes into a depressive state over his family coming to pay their respects, especially with his wife and former best friend, he gets conflicted. But look at Robin, he's hella quick to jump in and correct Thomas's harshness. He knows how it feels after all; being forced to just WATCH your family mourne, not being able to tell them you're alright, and then comes a day where they stop coming. Robin most likely lingered in that spot where he died for hours in confusion, until his tribe began to search, and when they finally found him it devastated them. His sister's sorrowful, wailing cries, his children huddled around him trying to wake him up, the elders and possibly his parents saying blessing to Moonah to watch over him😭Robin doesn't sugarcoat the situation, like telling Pat to enjoy it while it lasts or to hope for the best, he tells Pat how it REALLY is because he's been there countless times with countless tribes and families. Times gonna pass, things are gonna change and you won't see the people you love ever again, but more will come (honestly Robin should be called 'Owl' cause he's wise asf🥹❤️)

Robin, you marvelous man, stunning specimen, special little scrunkly, NEVER change you're the loml Fr❤️❤️😭

[kingxgarm]

Ok

So, after spreading my info out, I have four different "rewrites" of Wish, all with their own (noncreative) names just so I can tell them apart

I'll be going over one of them in this post, they'll all get separate posts

The first one I've dubbed Yearning

It's more of a retake than a rewrite, as I've changed A LOT, almost only keeping the names of certain characters, I wanted to remove almost ALL the references to Disney movies, treating this more as a standalone movie than a 100th year special

So, CHARACTERS

Asha- Asha moves to Rosas, she does not live there, she is an alchemist, that's why she moves there, her hair and color pallete is the same, but she kinda looks more like Venti from Genshin (unfortunately), (I'll make drawing of my designs eventually, I don't have my sketchbook), she has been traveling since she was young, and after a few days of staying in Rosas, she is summoned by the King, she is meant to represent wishes, not necessarily good itself, but just wishes

Magnifico- Magnifico is a mage, he was born with magic, mages were given magic by dragons (that has some lore too), mages are not well liked by humans, his parents tried to hide in a rather large city, but were caught, Magnifico was saved and given to a trusted mage, that mage sent Magnifico to Rosas to be safe there, eventually his magic was discovered and he was made king (at age 9 👍), since Rosas was small and not very well informed of the outside world, they have never seen a mage before and thought Magnifico was a God, after he turned 25 he put a spell on himself that he would be immortal and never age to keep the people from worrying about him dying with no heir, he never marries, he only wants to keep the people happy, but he is not happy being king, magic takes a toll on users causing Magnifico to be very depressed, every month he calls an assembly and for an hour gives the people whatever they want, they walk up to a chair in a gazebo where he sits, announce what they want, and it's granted, Magnifico represents want, he wishes to be free but wnats to keep the people happy so he just does what he wants and not what he wishes

Dragons- there were seven dragons, each representing different forms of magic, they each (minus purple) had a childwith a himan to bring magic into the human race, red gave mages power over the elements (fire, water, air, and earth), orange gave mages the power over the mind (like emotional manipulation), yellow gave the power of deception (reality warping), green gave the power of physicality (power of creation and destruction), Blue gave the power of shape (shapeshifting and changing other stuff), purple gave the power of substance (learnable magic like alchemy and potion stuff), (Magnifico is related to the green dragon, and all alchemists are ruled by the purple dragon)

PLOT

Asha is taken to the castle because she's a well-renowned alchemist, she proves this by giving the king a potion of calming (at his request), and it works (ITS A WEED POTION /j), every day she is asked to become a royal Alchemist but she never knows how to answer, after a few days, instead of a potion of happiness that the king asks for, Asha gives him a potions of honesty and asks why he constantly asks for happiness potions, this is where they would sing a duet, but by the end the potion would where off and Magnifico would be very upset that she did that to him, arresting her, and locking her in a dungeon, they both pray to the stars (cuz religion ig, and cuz I wanted to get them in the story somehow), Magnifico for strength to keep the people happy, and Asha for a way to save the king from himself

This is as far as I got before I started writing the others, but I did figure out what to do for the ending, and even a sequel (where Magnifico has two daughters that grow up to be Maleficent and Mother Gothel, but I kinda don't like the sequel anymore, plus u haven't even finished the first one, also don't care for the daughter lore since I'm trying to seperate from the Disney canon)

Also yes, I did try writing songs for this, but the duet isn't finished, and the "This is the Thanks I Get" rewrite got moved to another rewrite, so.... (and I still need to rewrite it anyway cuz it contains too many elements of this story, UGH)

I'd greatly appreciate feedback, cuz ik damn well this probably sucks lol, the other ones are better (I'm lying to you), I want to improve this story, cuz there's still ideas I like (the magic system, wants vs. wishes, and the fact that the people of Rosas are the villain), but there's definitely stuff I don't like (Magnifico and Asha being pretty much the only characters, the fact that the "villain" isn't the villain, and maybe the name [I'm still not settled in on Yearning rn]), something just feels off about it to me, I can't put my finger on it

Wish rewrites

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

[cappdeservesanap]

if the captain were to have his anthem, a song that describes him and represents him in a specific way, any anti-war song would work. but i think what does him justice in a respectful way is pete seeger’s “where have all the flowers gone?”. omitting the “girls” aspect in the lyrics (and if we change it to “boys” for the sake of the captain’s sexuality), the song’s words are tragically beautiful - it’s a lyrical circle going from the flowers being picked by lovers who are loved by men who are soldiers who died doing their military service whose graves are now adorned with flowers - and so on. it outlines the tragedy of army men whose bravery cost them their lives and whose loved ones are left to mourn despite their duty to continue living a vastly different, ordinary life.

however, as wonderfully melancholic as the original is, i had in mind a specific cover of the song - a czech cover. the music is a tad more complicated than the original; it uses an electric guitar, a bass, and drums. but it’s much more nuanced that way - the drums represent the rhythm of a military march. the bass playing root notes with perfect fifths is a symbol of simplicity and repetition (of first joining the army. as the bass modifies the melody with each rhyme in each verse, it also emphasises that the more time the cap spends in the military, the more difficult keeping to his old ways can get). and with each verse, a new element of music is added (keyboard, the guitar plays a slightly different melody etc. to emphasise that this cycle brings new tragedies but can’t be possibly changed as it is a lasting tradition.

and the lyrics. oh, those haunting lyrics. i’m not even gonna talk about the voice singing them because the dissection of its depressing reverb and the suddenly powerful delivery of “where have all the soldiers gone” would take weeks. i just wanna focus on the translation. not your typical non-english-song-turned-english where the song loses its meaning. the meaning is there, but like a hundred times stronger. the lines do repeat, but not from rhyme to rhyme. i’m gonna translate this specific section because it’s so captain coded:

Where have all the soldiers gone

Long time passing

Where have all the soldiers gone

A long, long time ago

Where have all the soldiers gone

Gone to graveyards, every one

When will they ever learn?

When will they ever learn?

in czech, it’s like this (nearly word-for-word translation):

And where have all those soldiers gone

People, what ever happened here?

And where have all those soldiers gone

Where could they be?

Series of graves in a line

The wind is howling all around

Who will ever understand?

Who will ever understand?

i see a major difference between the last four lines. the original shows complete silence after a battle, how everyone fighting there died, and everything’s gone until another battle breaks in that exact spot. the czech version relays those emotions in a different way; yes, it’s dead silent, but the howling of the wind is a sign of something after death, of mourning coming both from the lovers and the dead, i.e. havers and the captain. and the “who will ever understand?” is somehow a contrast. “when will they ever learn?” to me is clearer because it either talks about the soldiers not learning they shouldn’t go to war or something along those lines. the former can say “who will ever understand [why those soldiers died]?” or “who will ever understand [the howling wind]?” and so on. it’s those endless questions the captain might ask himself from time to time to nobody’s understanding, i feel. when will he ever understand his death, or his love for havers, or his position?

here’s the song in question; i absolutely recommend just because of its heartbreaking atmosphere

[glassprism]

hello~

don't know if u care about Love never dies.

But i watch it last week and it's Georgie who is Christine.

I found in ''Before the performance'' part they create a MOTN sense.I don't know if it's how they set the blockings but Georgie's Christine seems like being manipulated or enchanted (Erik lifts her left hand like in a puppet show , and then he puts the earring in her hand etc.)

I wonder if Manon or any Christine did the same?

Anna plays this part more like be ''enchanted''.

Apparently, I was also lured by Luke's voice, and my memory of Manon's playing seemed to vanished somehow😭

I don't really care about Love Never Dies, but I (unfortunately) know a fair bit about it and am open to answering questions about it.

As for your ask, first, congrats on seeing Georgie Ashford! Hopefully some recording comes out of her performance.

Second, I actually thought most LND Christines who do the Australian blocking (and otherwise) have played that part as looking hypnotized, similar to what's going on 'Music of the Night'. I'll also totally admit, I don't really see much difference between being "enchanted" and being "manipulated" in this context; in both senses of the word, they're being enthralled by the Phantom's voice to such an extent that they become sort of his puppet. It's just different ways of playing it, same as how some Christines in 'Music of the Night' look scared of the Phantom despite being under his thrall, while others look thrilled (and a few look downright horny).

So like, in the case of Anna O'Byrne, with her wide-eyed, slightly scared, open-mouthed expression, the way she stumbles towards the mirror (which also feels like a 'Music of the Night' callback, namely when the Phantom displays the Mirror Bride to her), how she sits at her table in sync with the Phantom's hand motion - that definitely reads as someone being entranced by the Phantom's voice! She comes off as the "scared by her entrancing" Christine.

But then when I watched Meghan Picerno, she comes off as "thrilled by her entrancing" type - she's smiling slightly, she's breathing heavily (I think she's full on panting by the end of the song), she's so caught up in the moment that she doesn't even notice the Phantom grabbing her hand and placing the earrings in it.

(Actually, reading that back, maybe Meghan Picerno was the "made horny by her entrancing" type.)

(Also despite watching her live I cannot for the life of me remember how Rachel Anne Moore played that scene.)

As for Manon Taris, I think she does something like what you describe, based on video of her: the Phantom makes a movement with his hand, which Christine follows and results in her placing her hand, palm up, on the table (the Phantom doesn't grab it), into which the Phantom places the earrings. Her Christine seems of the "doll-like" variety, or maybe the "mind-wiped by her entrancing" type: her face is blank, devoid of emotion, she's totally still, and the only movement she makes that's seemingly of her own volition is lifting a hand to her throat (and even that's only when the Phantom demands, "Let me hear you sing once more!"),

Anyway, that's my opinion on that bit!

[padfootagain]

The King and You (XVI)

Part XVI : The wardrobe

Hi everyone! Here I come with a new chapter for my Caspian fic!

I hope you like this chapter, it’s a little emotional but still sweet. We are also coming closer to the end, so… lots of things happening here! Tell me what you think of it!

****

Pairing: Caspian x reader

Warning: … a little sad?

Sum up: Somehow, Caspian stumbles out of Narnia and into your world. He’s utterly lost and has no idea how to get out of this world filled with scary toasters, strange carriages and a woman who literally knocks him off of his feet. But does he really want to find a way back?

Word count: 4784

It took you a few days to track down the position of the cottage that had once been owned by Digory Kirke.

It was Caspian’s first time on a train, and he liked it. So far, it was the most reassuring mean of transportation he had discovered in your world. It was fast, and yet, he felt safe.

Roger and Agatha were sharing whispers and giggles, like two teenagers in love. You didn’t fail to notice the way they were holding hands, sitting next to each other in the compartment.

You ate sandwiches and laughter for lunch, and for a while, the adventure that was your trip to the country side was enough for all of you to forget why you were heading there.

The new owners of the cottage had turned it into an Airbnb, which made everything simple. You would all stay at the cottage, which would give you time to explore the place, and especially the attic. Despite the fact that the cottage had changed owners several times, you were hoping that you could find some clues about Narnia there. Besides, you found no relatives to Digory Kirke left alive; this place where he had once lived seemed to be your only chance.

The cottage was on the outskirts of a small village, with a garden filled with heather, a bench and a tall apple tree. A stonewall encircled the property, and you smiled at the sight of the ancient house, made a little crooked by the years. The walls were of stone, the roof of grey tiles with moss covering the left part of it, the door was painted in a bright red shade. It felt welcoming, warm.

“It’s lovely, don’t you think?” Agatha asked Roger, while you struggled to open the little wooden gate to get into the garden.

“It is indeed. Charming, I would say,” the old gangster answered, tightening his hold on Agatha’s hand.

The inside of the cottage was pretty charming as well. It felt old despite the new kitchen counter and the large tv screen. There was a hearth and a warm carpet under a large sofa and an old armchair. A wooden table. A large library filled with old books with leathery covers. Upstairs, there were two bedrooms, one for Agatha and Roger, and one for Caspian and you.

You decided to get some rest that evening, and to explore the attic the next morning. There was no real rush, or at least, you didn’t want to be in a rush. Delaying meant spending one more evening with Caspian.

You had started doubting it all again, perhaps because you had never been fully convinced in the first place, perhaps because the closer Caspian got to leaving, the less you wanted it all to be real. You hated yourself for it. For wanting him to stay. It was selfish, yet, you kept on hoping…

You had offered to prepare some tea, but you didn’t notice when the kettle started to sing. You didn’t notice the sharp whistling sound, or Agatha calling for you, or the rain that had started to fall outside. Instead, you were lost in thought.

What if you left?

Ever since that afternoon at the National Gallery, the question tortured you. Caspian couldn’t stay, but what if you left with him? It sounded crazy, to leave it all behind. He had been clear about the fact that you wouldn’t be able to come back, ever again, to your world. How could you do that? It was crazy. To even think about abandoning your entire life, your friends, your family, just to follow a guy you had met only a month ago? That was outrageously crazy of you. Irresponsible. Stupid even. Completely and utterly reckless.

And yet, you hesitated still.

Because despite how crazy this whole story was, Caspian was real. What you felt for him was real. And you didn’t want it to end just yet…

But if you knew that he deeply cared about you, if you knew that Caspian had feelings for you, you were still unsure of their depth. He had never said I love you. He had implied it several times, but the words had never passed his lips. What did it mean? Did it mean that his feelings, though earnest, were not strong enough to be called love for now?

You were only brought back to earth when Roger walked into the kitchen, got the kettle and started pouring the boiling water into the cups. You were almost startled when he spoke.

“You seem very much worried, young lady.”

“Oh… I’m just tired, that’s all,” you lied.

Roger chuckled, shaking his head.

“Ha, this good old lie. I’m too old to fall for it. Why don’t you tell me what’s troubling you?”

He gave you some time to speak, but you remained silent. Upstairs, Caspian had set your suitcase next to the bed, and Agatha was unpacking her things.

“Is it about the boy leaving?”

You nodded.

“What did Agatha tell you about that?” you asked, unwilling to reveal too much about Narnia.

“Not that much, to be honest. Only that we needed to help this boy go home. And that he would have to go on his own.”

“Yeah… he’s going to leave soon. If all goes to plan, at least.”

“And there is no way for him to stay?”

You shook your head.

“There are people there… who depend on him. He can’t stay.”

“Then… why can’t you go?”

You shrugged, looking down at the floor.

“How could I leave my life, everything I’ve built… for a man I’ve met a mere month ago?”

“Do you not love him?”

“I do.”

“Then… it is merely a game of balance. You need to weigh your two options: do you love more the life you have here, or the life you could have with him?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure… leaving… it sounds crazy!”

But Roger gave you a sad smile.

“You know… I was about your age when I met Agatha. Prettiest girl I had ever seen,” he went on with a dreamy smile, but his expression was tainted with melancholia. “I was in love with her by the end of that day we spent together in Central Park. Madly in love with her. Had met her only three days before but… there was something about her I… I just knew. I knew she was it.”

He put away the kettle, watched in his mug as the tea leaves were tainted the water with a brownish, almost-red shade.

“But then… I was young, and mostly stupid. I was involved in some heavy stuff, the kind you can’t get out of. I was offered to go to Chicago for some time. Let’s call it ‘business’, although I’m sure you know that wasn’t all that there was there. I had to choose. And Agatha and I… we had been together for only a couple of months. It was dangerous to take her with me, and I knew it. When I told her about it, she said she would wait for me to come back. I told her not to. I went away. We didn’t stay in touch. When I came back ten years later, she was married with two kids.”

He looked at you again, withheld tears shining in his eyes.

“I have never regretted a decision in my life more than I regret this one. More than I regret letting her go so easily. I could have made it work. I could have dropped it, I could have found a way out. It wasn’t too late yet, I was involved, but I had many friends, and they would have allowed me to lead a normal life, under some conditions. I could have had it all. But the truth is, I wanted to go to Chicago. I wanted to get that money, I wanted to be someone important. If I had stopped for a minute, and truly thought about it… if I had truly weighed my options, I’m not sure I would have made the same choice.”

He rested a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“It’s your decision to take. But if you take the wrong one, you’ll have to own it. You’ll have to live with its weigh for the rest of your life. So… be careful. We only have one life, we can’t afford to waste it away.”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t have the strength to do so. Roger grabbed his mug of tea and Agatha’s and disappeared as quietly as he had come into the kitchen.

He didn’t notice Caspian hiding in the corridor.

********************************

It was barely midnight when you all went to bed. A long day would await with a new sunrise, and you reckoned that you were already going to bed way too late.

You took a shower, took your time to get ready for bed. You lied down there, under the safety of the heavy blankets, waiting for Caspian to be ready to bid you goodnight. He had slept by your side twice, after visiting the cemetery, but after that he had kept on leaving you alone at night. You guessed the intimacy of it was a little too much for him, and you got that. You had no doubts that he would still come to your bedroom to bid you goodnight, though. Drop a sweet kiss on your lips. Check that the covers kept you warm. Turn off the lights. And leave you to get lost in dreams that were always about him.

But this time, he didn’t. This time, when he walked in your room, already in a pair of red pyjamas, he stood by the bed, on the opposite side. You looked at him with a frown, and noticed that he was blushing.

“Can I… Can I stay with you tonight? I… I do not want to be alone.”

You gave him a warm smile, nodding in silence and pulling the covers to welcome him inside the bed. He smiled back, before lying by your side, the mattress caving under his weight. It was reassuring, to feel him there, by your side.

He reached for your hand.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I… I did not want to be alone.”

“Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

He nodded, but he was a terrible liar. You insisted, and he turned to lie on his side so he would be facing you instead of the ceiling. You did the same. There was no light in the room but the faint silvery glow of the moon slipping in through the curtains, and the small lamp alit on your nightstand that painted the room in a yellowish glow. You gave him an encouraging smile, running your thumb across his knuckles in a soothing touch.

It made his heart swell, the sight of you like this. In your pyjamas, lying in bed, your hair already messy and a tender smile on your lips. Your fingers intertwined with his. The sound of your breathing filling up the room.

He reached up to brush his fingertips across your cheek.

“I know it will sound strange but… I feel… like I’m running out of time.”

He could hear it, your breathing stopping. A sharp intake of breath, and then nothing for a few seconds. You tried to smile, but the gesture remained quite sad.

“I do not mean to make you… feel bad or… I just… I feel like something is pulling me away,” he went on. “The same kind of feeling I felt that day in the forest when I left Narnia. Like I should get going. Like I should… Like I must go somewhere else. I do not know how to explain this. It is a strange feeling. Still… I do not want to be alone tonight. I want… I want to be with you, as much as I can.”

You nodded, failing at hiding the tears that glimmered at the corner of your eyes. Slowly, you moved to hold him tightly against you, and he wrapped his arms around your frame as well.

He breathed the sweet scent of your shampoo. Vanilla and apples and sunrises…

“Caspian… can you promise me something? Actually… actually two things…”

“Anything you want.”

“When you’re gone… I know it’s very selfish but… please, don’t forget about me. I… I don’t want you to forget about me. Ever. And I know it’s selfish, because… you’ll need to marry someone else, and I hope you find love and happiness but… but I know that I won’t forget about you. Ever. So don’t. Actually… I have something for you. Thought about giving it to you right before you would go but as you’re having this weird feeling…”

You pulled away to reach inside the drawer of your bedside table. There was a small packet there, closed with a purple ribbon. You offered it to Caspian in a slightly trembling hand, a shy expression on your features.

“I… I have no money. I do not have any gift for you,” Caspian mumbled, but you merely laughed at him.

“Take the goddamn gift, or I’ll give it to Roger.”

It was enough to make him laugh again.

“Do I have some competition?”

“You have no idea. Have you tasted his apple pie the other day at Agatha’s? That man owns my heart.”

Caspian chuckled, accepting your gift. You were shier again as he unfastened the ribbon, unfolded the fabric. He grinned at the sight of the necklace you had bought for him; the medallion hanging at the silver chain had the form of a ship.

“You said… you said you loved the sea. I thought it could make a token of good fortune. And then, maybe… it would help you remember me. I mean…”

But you were shushed by a warm pair of lips pressed against yours. You melted into Caspian’s arms again, holding tightly on his pyjama shirt. When he pulled away, both of you breathless, he brushed tenderly his nose against yours, making you giggle.

He took another close look at the jewel before putting it on.

“I love it. Thank you, so much… I will take it as a token of luck, indeed. But, Y/N… you did not need to buy me a present for me to remember you.”

He slowly shook his head, a tender glint in his eyes, even though he couldn’t hide that he found you rather silly at that moment.

“How can you imagine for even a second that I could ever forget you, Y/N?”

He ran his hand through your hair, pushing the strands back to look at you, to memorize your features, to make sure he would remember every detail, from the exact colour of your eyes, to the form of your lips…

“I will never forget you, my love. How could I ever forget anything about you at all?”

It was your time to kiss him tenderly, until he pulled away to ask you what was this other promise he had to make for you. He saw you biting on your lower lip, hesitate, but you shook your head. Now wasn’t the time. Now, the night was warm and felt safe. You were happy. You didn’t want to ask him about Narnia, about him leaving. You took his face in your hands to pull him back to you, to feel his lips against yours once more.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. That’s enough promises for one day.”

He nodded, not willing to argue with you. Not tonight. Not now. Not when he held you so close to him he could feel your heart beating against his. Matching rhythms…

You saw him clenching his jaw. You heard his breathing quicken. You saw his fingers shaking slightly when he raised his hand to caress your upper arm. His eyes had darkened.

You narrowed your eyes at him, but he didn’t notice. He was staring at your lips instead of your eyes.

When he kissed you again, there was something more there. Something more passionate. Something that made you moan into his mouth, that made you press yourself against him harder, that made your hands fly up to his hair...

You were both breathless when you pulled away. You stared at him for a moment. He started to blush, but he didn’t pull away, didn’t let go of you.

“Would you be offended if I said that I…”

He interrupted himself, looking for the right words. But he couldn’t think straight anymore.

He wanted you too much for that…

“Would you be offended if I told you that I don’t want to sleep right now?”

You couldn’t refrain the chuckle that escaped your throat.

“Offended? No. No, I’m not offended. Especially when you say it in such an elegant way.”

“Do I?”

“But I thought it was not your way. I mean… in your world. The whole… having sex before getting married and all that?”

He blushed fiercely, but he didn’t back down.

“It is not our way, no.”

“But?”

“But we are not in Narnia. And I want you. Terribly so. Unbearably so.”

You struggled to swallow, feeling electricity running across your body, through every one of your nerves and muscles and bones…

“I don’t want you to regret that,” you managed to warn him despite your shaking voice.

He offered you a reassuring smile.

“Trust me… I will not regret this. I want to do it. I want to do it with you before I…”

He didn’t have the strength to finish his sentence. You didn’t need him to.

“Would you… What do you want?” he asked in a shaky voice.

But when you slowly approached your lips of his, he couldn’t help but close his eyes and tighten his hold on you.

“I… have been wanting to do this for a while now. I want you, Caspian. Terribly so. Unbearably so.”

He let a smile form on his lips before closing the gap between your mouths.

You would have needed a lot of sleep, considering the busy day ahead.

But you barely slept at all…

********************************************

The attic was full of dust and spiders.

The little lightbulb that hung there barely shed any light, you needed to bring your phones to see what was in there. Lots of boxes, a couple of wooden chests. You reckoned that you would have more chances to find something in one of these.

By your side, Caspian pushed away from his face a couple of cobwebs.

“Charming place,” he commented.

Behind him, Agatha sneezed because of the dust.

“It’ll take a while to go through all these,” Roger said, looking around to evaluate the amount of work to be done.

“We don’t really have any other option. We should get to work.”

Caspian nodded, picked up a random box and opened it, rummaging through whatever was inside. Soon, all of you were hard at work.

But all you could find were old papers, ragdolls, toys, pictures… all that belonged to owners of the cottage that lived there long after Digory Kirke had died.

By the end of the afternoon, you heaved a defeated sigh.

“I’ll take a break,” you announced, longing for some fresh air.

You were not surprised when Caspian followed you down the ladder, down the stairs, and into the garden.

None of you spoke until you were sitting on the wooden bench. The air was chilly, you had taken your coats to walk outside. You rested your head on his shoulder the second Caspian was seated by your side, and it made him chuckle fondly.

“I’m not sure we’re going to find anything here,” you said after a few minutes.

But Caspian didn’t answer. Instead, he wrapped his arm around you, bringing you closer to him. He dropped sweet kisses on your temple and in your hair. You closed your eyes, enjoying this peaceful moment. There was no sound emanating from human lives. No car, no shouts, no voices. Only the wind blowing in the naked branches of the apple tree under which you were seated. Only the few birds chirping now and then. And above all that, Caspian’s hand on your waist, the rhythm of his chest falling and rising as he breathed, his scent warm and comforting, familiar, mingled with the perfume of wet grass and heather beginning to bloom.

You could have lived like this, in this moment, forever…

“I heard you talking with Roger yesterday evening.”

You looked up at him, knowing perfectly well what he was talking about, what conversation he was referring to.

“You are still hesitating, are you not?” he added.

You nodded.

“I’m… weighing my options, like Roger said I should.”

He nodded, a look of deep hurt on his features.

“I… have promised you never to take a decision in your stead ever again, and I will not do so. But… I can tell you what I think you should do. And I think you should stay.”

He shook his head, staring at you. Staring at your eyes that he adored and seemed to capture his soul every time. Even more so since the previous night, he reckoned…

He could feel your lips on his again, your hands holding on his shoulders, your breath mingling with his so you would inhale the same air, your voice whispering his name…

He had to look away to focus once more on the present.

“You would not want me to come?” you asked him, voice fragile and shaking.

“Of course, I want you to come. I want to be with you, more than anything. But I can’t ask you to throw away your entire life, everything you’ve built here…”

“I don’t have that much though. Here, I mean. A few friends, no family… My apartment, painting… I could have all that with you as well.”

“It is your decision to take. But I think that… you would regret it if you came with me.”

You remained silent for a moment, lost in thought. You remembered this promise you wanted to ask from him the previous night, and reckoned it was time to talk about it with him.

“Can I ask you to promise me something?” you asked after a long silence.

“The same vow you wanted me to take last night? Of course, you can.”

You looked for the right way to say this, worried you would offend him. But the stakes were too high, you had to take the risk…

“Caspian… promise me that this story about Narnia is true.”

You saw him clenching his jaw for a second, because of the glint of pain that passed through his dark eyes, but also because of the flash of anger that appeared there. It shone only for a moment though, igniting his gaze for a mere second, before he would relax and look at you tenderly again.

It wasn’t your fault. You had no proof that he was telling the truth, it was a lot to take in. He couldn’t be mad about you doubting it all.

“I promise. It is the truth. You know everything.”

“You really are a King there?”

“Yes, I really am King.”

You nodded slowly, looking down at your feet.

“So… if I left with you… would you marry that woman you said would allow you to make a good alliance?”

“Of course not. I would marry you.”

“Even if it’s not the best for your people?”

“I would marry you.”

“So… I would be Queen?”

“Yes, you would be.”

“That’s… a lot of responsibilities, right? You… you’re not free to do what you want to, right?”

“It is a lot of responsibilities, yes. You would…lead Narnia with me. By my side. You would have many duties. Narnia would have to come first, always.”

You nodded slowly, taking it all in.

“Would I be able to paint still?”

Caspian gave you a tender smile.

“Of course. During your free time, you could keep on painting. You could do anything you want.”

“Do you have a lot of free time as a king?”

“Not that much, I’m afraid. Still… you could paint. Less so than you do now, though.”

Again, you nodded slowly.

And the truth was, you weren’t sure if you could do this. Be a Queen… you didn’t know how to be that. You were a painter. You were a mess, most of the time. How could you lead an entire people, a people you knew nothing about, when you were a mess yourself?

Caspian seemed to guess your thoughts, and his smile turned sad.

“I would help you at the beginning. I would guide you through it. I would be here for you. But I am not going to pretend that leading a people is easy. I will not pretend that my world is not entirely different from yours. That we do not live in castles and fight with swords and travel on horseback when you… you walked on the moon.”

He shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes while he looked up at the grey sky in an attempt to withhold them.

“Your life would be turned upside-down. Everything would change. Would you really do that just to be with me?”

“I love you,” you argued.

You realized then… it was the first time you spoke so plainly these words. Caspian gave you a tender smile, but he didn’t say it back, even if you wondered whether or not the gleam in his eyes revealed his true feelings for you. Still... it hurt that he didn't say it back.

“But love is not always enough, is it?”

You thought about his words while you rested your head against his shoulder again. He took your hand in yours, gave it a tender squeeze before intertwining your fingers together.

You wondered… could love be enough?

********************************

You found nothing that day in the attic. Caspian was surprisingly calm about it. When you asked him why, he answered with a shrug.

“I know we are at the right place. We merely need to find what is hidden here.”

You didn’t answer, didn’t contradict him, didn’t ask him how he could know. You knew that you would not fully understand, and you trusted him. Even though, deep inside, you hoped he was wrong.

You enjoyed a merry meal in the cottage. Roger had been cooking, and it was delicious. After a long time spent talking together, the two couples went their separate ways for the rest of the evening. You decided to go to bed early, to relax with a book (or rather some cuddles with Caspian but you pretended that you wanted to read in front of your friends) while Roger and Agatha lingered downstairs to watch TV. You thus got ready for bed, and then waited for Caspian while he was taking a shower, reading your book although you were unable to focus on the words written on the page while you impatiently thought about Caspian’s arms around you.

You didn’t notice the sound of the bathroom door opening once he had finished showering. You didn’t notice the sound of his naked feet walking across the floorboard. You didn’t notice when his footsteps stopped, when he froze in the middle of the small corridor. You didn’t notice when he looked inside Roger’s and Agatha’s bedroom with a strange fascination. You didn’t hear the thud of his dirty clothes falling onto the floor. You didn’t hear him walk inside the room, transfixed, staring…

He was staring at a wardrobe.

An old, wooden wardrobe with intricate carvings all over the surface. Strange creatures represented in the tender material. Caspian could barely breathe.

There was something about this wardrobe… something… something magnetic. Something that pulled him in.

When he rested his fingers on the doorknob, he was shaking.

He opened the door. A gush of wind blew out of the wardrobe, pushing in the room a few skeleton leaves that bumped into Caspian’s feet.

He took a deep breath. It smelled of… a distant fire. Trees. The strong smell of pine trees. Damp earth. And something sweet. Something… indescribable and yet familiar. A scent he would have recognized anywhere, even though he had never paid true attention to it. But then, he had spent a month breathing another air...

There was a dim light at the back of the empty wardrobe. He could see branches of pine trees and oaks a few steps away. The branches were painted with a dim golden light. There too, it was twilight.

Caspian was shaking when he breathed out a simple word, the word that described what was beyond the doors of this wardrobe.

“Narnia…”

[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - About Youth

I have a confession to make: when @so-much-yet-to-learn first suggested this show for the generational family trauma list, I was skeptical. About Youth? That cute little Taiwanese bl with all the singing? My memory of its plot was vague but I just recalled a feeling of warm fuzzies (and of course, the OSTs, which are excellent and catchy as hell).

But @bengiyo backed him up and since my pals insisted it belonged, before I finished the list I decided to give it a rewatch. And from this rewatch I took away three main things: 

This drama is just as cute and warm and fuzzy as I remembered

The soundtrack still slaps

Despite 1, it absolutely belongs on the generational trauma list

If you have not seen it yet, About Youth is primarily about Ye Guang, a very popular, kind, smart and profoundly lonely student at the top of his class, and Qi Zhang, a kind, quiet nerd (who is somehow also a secret rock star, just go with it) who has a crush on Ye Guang. They meet briefly at a very low moment in both of their lives, and then reconnect and become friends. There’s also a side romance between Qi Zhang’s friend Ray and bandmate Ah Jian that is very cute but a little underwritten. The entire drama is only 8 episodes that add up to about 2.5 hours (which won’t stop them from playing the OSTs at least 20 times each, and you’re not even gonna be mad about it). And the tone is light–definitely the lightest of the dramas on the trauma list–despite delving into some pretty deep subject matter.

So where does the intergenerational trauma come in? With Ye Guang’s parents, who have put him under extreme pressure to perform academically, in large part because his dad is a famous academic specializing in supporting youth educational attainment and feels his son needs to live up to his reputation. When our story begins, Ye Guang is feeling stressed and isolated and unloved and beginning to crack under the pressure, and his friendship with Qi Zhang is both a much needed support and a way for him to rebel against his parents (not because there is anything wrong with Qi Zhang, but simply because they don’t believe Ye Guang should have any life outside of studying).

Ye Guang’s parents are not warm; they treat him coldly and leave him home alone most of the time while they travel, and put up roadblocks every time he makes a connection with someone. Their son is crying out for love and attention and they just keep telling him to suck it up and hit the books. Ye Guang finds solace in Qi Zhang’s company and easy companionship, and they bond over their struggles (Qi Zhang is mourning the recent death of his father).

The drama’s treatment of Ye Guang’s parents is interesting; his dad is the more rigid parent (and also seems to have some anger management issues) while his mom is a bit more affectionate toward Ye Guang (but not enough to disagree with her husband or give her son the explicit affirmations of love he is seeking). They are controlling–they monitor Ye Guang and want to dictate how he spends his time–but they also have little interest in actually spending time with him. They seem to see being top of the class as Ye Guang’s natural duty and what he owes them for raising him, and they are absolutely unprepared to deal with his emotions about it. This is contrasted in the show with Qi Zhang’s mother, a much kinder and gentler parent who supports her son’s passions and only wants him to be happy. 

And the thing is, Ye Guang is a good kid who clearly feels the pull of filial piety–he wants to honor his parents and fears what will happen if he doesn’t live up to their expectations. He works hard in school and he is very well liked by everyone, not just Qi Zhang. But he has grown weary and he clearly carries the instinctual knowledge that his parents don’t love him unconditionally.

This is something I have discussed quite a bit with @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm, the conditional nature of love between parents and their children in many Asian households. It’s a hard thing for me to wrap my head around as a westerner, but I see that dynamic coming through so strongly in the way Ye Guang questions if his parents even love him at all, let alone if they can accept a version of him who is not exactly what they want. It’s heartbreaking. 

Over the course of the show Ye Guang tries a few times to communicate with his parents, first via his actions, then by telling them he is struggling and asking them directly if they love him, and finally by turning in a blank exam paper and sending them an emotional video explaining that he can’t take it anymore. Naturally, it is only the failed exam that actually gets through to them. Here is where the show falters a bit, because the parents do a sudden heel turn and decide to cut him some slack. A highly unrealistic resolution! But I put this down mostly to the limited run time; the drama didn’t have screen time to build to a more authentic ending that would comport with its overall light tone. 

Even despite the lackluster ending to the family plot, this drama offers a window into the academic pressure young people feel and how it interacts with values of filial piety. It takes a pretty thorough look at the psychological effects conditional parental love can have on a child. And it does it all while delivering a pitch perfect high school romance and great music that will stay with you for days. It’s the perfect place to start if you want to ease into this challenge!