#how do we feel about Eremika

[levihandynasty-archived]

Just for fun, I decided to write up a ranking of different AOT ships

LeviHan: 10/10. Were we expecting anything else, really? I mean, look at my account. Surely, we all knew these two would be on top.

Eruri: 4/10. I used to ship it back in the day, aggressively so! But after encountering more and more art where Levi is portrayed as weak/childlike in their relationship, I just can't see it as appealing anymore.

If I did end up finding some good art or fic or them, I'd absolutely enjoy it! It's just not what I look for first.

MobuHan: 8/10. I can not get enough of these two, really! The only reason they are below a 10/10 is because of how little we see of Moblit.

Erwin X Miche: 10/10. Yes. Just yes.

Miche X Nanaba: 7/10. I adore them. Yet again they are only lowered because we don't see much action from.. well either one of them in this case. I do love every piece of fan work I come across tho! And I wish there was much much more.

Eremika: 10/10. They are soulmates your honour.

EreMin: 10/10. This was one of my first ever ships, I cannot not rate them 10/10. And as you may see by now, that is in fact the case for many here.

Armin X Mikasa: 10/10. I also adore them! I can also imagine all 3 of these in a relationship. I hope you aren't tired of the lame ratings yet.

Levi X Petra: 3/10. I'm sorry, I do not see this ship as interesting at all. Besides, perhaps if it's just Petra pining for him but him not seeing her the same.

ReiBert: 10/10!!. My boys! God I cannot get enough of these two, I've loved them since day1.

Bertholdt X Annie: 5/10. It's cute, but I don't look for it often.

Annie X Hitch: 10/10. The reason why I don't look for them often.

YmeHisu: 10/10. Canon.

EreHisu: 1/10. Not my cup of tea whatsoever honestly.

Reiner X Historia: 4/10. It's kinda funny, could be cute, I'm sure. Tho I very well see Historia as a lesbian.

JeanMarc: 10/10. They must be the characters that most often get me into new artists. Love Jeanmarc angst.

Jean X Pieck: 6/10. I can see it, buy I also don't. I have other ships for Pieck, and I have a "favourite" Jean ship that I much rather focus on.

Jean X Mikasa: 10/10. Yes, in almost every universe, but most importantly, the canon one. In any universe where she can not have Eren, I love the idea of her falling back onto Jean.

Connie X Sasha: 7/10. I'm torn! On one hand I see them as silly siblings, (chosen family) but on the other I also see them as so stupidly in love. They don't know it tho.

Zeke X Pieck: 10/10. "My Dear Little Pieck" must I say more?

Pieck X Porco: 8/10. I am strong on these two as well! I just prefer her and Zeke. That's the only thing that makes me rank them a bit lower.

That's all I'll bother doing for now I believe! But hey. I am sure I've forgotten.. a lot..

I'm sorry my rankings are so boring, I mostly made this to see if anyone enjoys the same ships I do.

[letustalkaboutlevihan]

8) ISAYAMA'S ENDING FOR LEVIHAN

On the manga, Levi was sitting on a wheelchair and he's with Gabi, Falco and Onyakopon

Levi was holding a magazine/newspaper(?) in his hand, but instead of looking at it, his eye was looking at the plane above them... remembering Hange.

In Isayama's draft for this panel, the sketch for the plane was different. But Isayama redraw it to a similar flying boat that Hange protected. Isayama also crossed out the dialogue that says, 'The pain that we feel' and changed it to, 'The story we sought after'

Can't imagine how painful it is for Levi, losing everything and Hange 😢💔 (If only I could, I would give him a hug...)

On the anime, Mappa changed Levi's ending into Levi distributing candies to the children. When he saw a round lollipop, he blinked because he remembered someone.

He remembered Hange and the day they visited Marley with the kids...

Isayama and Mappa were trying to tell and show us that in whatever endings, Levi will always end up thinking about Hange.

Just how can he even forget the person who saved his life? The wounds that Hange treated before might've already healed, but he would always remember her by his scars.

Afterall, Levi spent more of his days with Hange than anyone else. Hange truly played a big and important role in Levi's life 🤧

9) IS LEVIHAN CANON?

Even without statement and confirmation from Isayama-sensei, I firmly believe that Eremika and Levihan are both canon.

There's a lot of evidence that proves their relationships are parallel to each other.

Just like Eren and Hange are both obsessed with Titans. Eren wants to kill titans while Hange wants to learn and study them.

Levi can recognize Hange by her knock while Mikasa can recognize Eren by only sensing him.

When Eren asked Mikasa, "What do you think about me?" Mikasa replied, "You're a family".

When Hange asked Levi, "Maybe we should just live here together. What do you think, Levi?" Levi replied, "If we just run away and keep on hiding, what will we have left?"

Both Mikasa and Levi lost Eren and Hange because they chose to say a safer answer. Had they answered differently and truthfully that time, then maybe they never lose them.

I think that's what really Ackermans are. They are physically strong, but they are not good in expressing their feelings through words. (They only show it through their actions)

When they bid a farewell to the love of their life. They didn't say, "Good-bye," ... But instead, they told them, "See you," / "See you later,"

They believe that they would see them again, in a place where there is no more war, no more pain, no more tears, no more regrets... A place where they can be happy together. A place where they could finally get the happy ending both Eremika and Levihan deserve <3

Bonus:

Isayama himself wrote, "Levihan" instead of writing it as "Levi and Hange" so he would lie if he'll say that he doesn't agree with Levihan ship 💜💚🤭

English is my third language so please forgive me if I didn't get to explain it well. I just really want to talk about Levihan because they mean so much to me 💜💚

Thank you for reading! 😊

[harley-rose25]

In which I give the longest explanation of my opinions on Eremika and why I don't like it.

If you see my other AoT post, I likely give the impression of being a hardcore eremika anti; and while I'm not clearly not a fan of the ship I also don't believe that it just came out of nowhere, or was completely unexpected; like some eremika antis seem to think. Seasons 1-3 I honestly expected an eremika ending. Season 3 I had some thoughts that maybe we were getting a erehisu instead, but ultimately I assumed either an eremika or a no-pairing ending even by the end of season 3.

This is not because I thought the ship was built up well or had really good moments pointing towards a mutual romance/love. There are some moments where Eren shows some level of care or affection towards Mikasa; but, to me, it doesn't come off like he's in love with her. It can be interpreted that way, but I felt it was more like showing general platonic care and that those more romantic feeling could be built up or in some cases like his feelings were moving in that direction. The reason I assumed it was the most likely end game ship if there was to be a ship is because of other cannon ships where one character is in love, often obsessively so with the other and the other is either oblivious, doesn't really care, or actively seems to dislike them until the end of the series when suddenly they're also in love. ie; Sakura and Sasuke, Hinata and Naruto, Aang and Katara. Eren and Mikasa dynamic reminded me of these, especially Sakura and Sasuke.

My main issues with the eremika ship are: 1. how it compares to erehisu; Eren and Mikasa do have deep emotional moment together but Eren and Historia have deep emotional moment because of each other. That is, Eren's emotional moment with Mikasa would be just as emotional even if she wasn't there, where as Historia is integral to the moments she has with Eren. In season 4 the erehisu ship is really build up by how desperate Eren is to protect Historia, how he angrily jumps to her defense, how he's shown visiting her at the farm, how he smiles at her and no one else. Even other characters notice this; in season 3 Jean tells Eren he should stop holding hands with Historia all the time (I'm aware that the hand holding was because they were trying to get more memories/activate the founding titan, but it means that Eren and Historia had a lot of confirmed off screen time together), and in season 4 Hange looks at Eren smiling at Historia and then later tells Eren that She thought He would never sacrifice Historia; strongly indicating an assumption of a deeper level of care. All in all I think erehisu had better scenes to building a relationship of mutual care and understanding and also better scenes showing that Eren cares about Historia in a way that isn't shown with anyone else (save maybe Armin) This means that when we end up with eremika now it feels a little cheap or just off. If we got more moments showing a deeper level of care and understand between Eren and Mikasa or if The moments between Eren and Historia, and Erens reactions to Historia didn't have so much weight then an eremika ending would make more sense.

reason number 2: What it does to Mikasas character; Mikasa's love for Eren seems born out of an obsession that comes from losing her parent in a violent murder/kidnapping and then being saved by him. This is then compounded when Eren's mom dies since she was like an adoptive mother to Mikasa. She's a traumatized young girl who never actually deals with her trauma and instead hyperfixates on Eren. Mikasa entire character arc is her chasing after Eren like a neglected dog until that one scene where for like 5 minutes she finally starts to see Eren for the violent psychopath he actually is and questions what she had seen in him; but never mind that because she's back to being so obsessively in love with him that even after he dies she spends that rest of her life visiting his grave with her (probably husband and kids) and also never takes off that scarf.

reason number 3: Mikasa doesn't understand Eren. People argue that Mikasa understood Eren in a different ways, that she understood certain parts of him, but that's literally just admitting that there's clearly parts of Eren she doesn't understand. Actually, I'd argue that as its depicted Mikasa doesn't seem to understand Eren on a fundamental level. Examples: When he failed at the initial ODM gear test she told him to give up being a soldier and then went on to say that he needn't drop out alone, that she would be following him; when he passed the ODM gear test she says that he's relieved that he wont be separated from her. She assumes that the reason he'd be upset about failing to make it as a soldier is related specifically to her and not wanting to be apart from her; When Connie is angry about Eren laughing after Sasha's death he asks Mikasa why he would do that and she can't answer; despite the fact that she's witnessed him laughing in an emotional and traumatic situation before and should have been able to understand that he does it as a coping mechanism. She'd also completely blind to his obvious anti-social personality disorder (psychopathy), though to be fair so is everyone else including most Eren stans. (like, I love Eren, I stan Eren but he is like text book certifiably ASPD psychopathic)

[cherries-in-wine]

SPOILER WARNING FOR AOT JUST SOME OF MY RAMBLES

English is not my first language please don't be mean okay thank you <3

honestly I didn't hate eremika as much as I thought I would- both of them are emotionally immature idiots who feel a lot but have no idea how to deal with said feelings. their relationship is definitely a lot of wasted potential but idk they are cute in their own imperfect and somewhat uneasy way. was that ending scene weird definetly but like eh gothic romance fan I've read and seen much worse things and called it peak romance so it's like weird but like okay also im very drunk slightly tipsy and I just finished aot just cuz I wanted to feel something and man I feel a lot of things also I think there might be a cultural difference too because in the west it's all like gulululu sloppy kiss gulululu fucking and like I grew up with old Bollywood romance where mfs don't even kiss so stolen glances and flushed cheeks and "ill always wrap your scarf over and over again" means wayyyy more than an infinite number of kisses. I get why people don't like it but yea I like them they are so fucking embarrassing and stupid. Eren's randi rona (hindi phrase exact translation is whore crying but semantics is probably bitch whining) was so funny and pathetic i've never laughed so hard but it is embarrassing in a way that makes so much sense for this suicidal maniac. I thought I would hate mikasa because I linger in the subreddits because social media kalesh and lafda is something I feed off of like a vampire sucking blood after escaping the coffin that held them for centuries (kalesh/lafda is hindi for fights) anyways so silly goofy fun idk what y'all are on about she's so kool not really a Mary Sue because she sucks at emotional intelligence and as a leader like definitely too driven by feelings but tbh I love that about her and her bond with other characters is so precious to me. I get why she's unlikable she is so flawed but idk I love her. the fanfic writers are so mean to her like oh my god why is she always this weird obsessed stalker that gets in the way of eren and y/n and historia is always someone y/n is insanely jealous of like please why can't we all be best friends and braid each other's hair

A little something about erehisu too- tbh I don't think its obsessive desperate fan behaviour like it's a very good ship imo. I have mixed feelings about it but idk lowkey makes sense. not in a "these people are great for each other and will be so cute as more than friends" way but more like a "oh wow they have a lot going on, they are good friends and the people they love are people they can't be with so it would make sense if they both are emotionally vulnerable enough that they end up doing something" kinda way. would've definitely made it more interesting because I thought sidelining a character like historia who had so much potential would hopefully have a bigger meaning and some greater part of Eren's plan but no bro is an idiot who has no idea what he is doing.

Mixed feelings about historia too- I liked her arc but the amount of plot armour that surrounds her kinda pisses me off. also the irl jaegerists and incels on reddit are so annoying they've made her into chaderen loser's trad wife who sits at home with the baby and shakes her head with a disapproving pout when he returns home after genocide like I know for a fact canon historia would be disgusted by this narrative. also oh my god the lengths these people go to prove that her relationship with Ymir was just a one sided obsession and not a lesbian romance is insane. like yea historia doesn't have to be lesbian she could be bi but that relationship was definitely mutual and romantic

I have sooo much more to say maybe when im sober ill organise everything and make it pretty but im in my senior year of high school with like no time on my hands so idk will see please stick with me but always thank u for reading meri jaan have a lovely day/night :))

[nuri148]

Hi, can I ask something? What do you think are Levi and Mikasa's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Since when that you start shipping them? What is your fav (canon) rivamika moments? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

P.s

Thanks for sharing your fics and for this blog of yours. Also, thanks to you, I start shipping Rivamika. See, I love Mikasa so much but I really dislike Eremika and can not understand that ship at all (don't mean anything negative to Eremika shippers). I'm okay with Armin/Mikasa & Jean/Mikasa, but I don't love those ships that much. Until I found your blog, read your fics and fall in love with Rivamika! Sorry for my rambling....

First things first, I’m so so sorry for taking so so long to reply!!! 🥺I’ve been quite busy lately irl and your ask calls for a proper answer. I think Levi is the least judgeamental character in AoT. This is in a virtuous circle with his kindness and selflessness, where those three qualities feed each other back . He’s kind and He’s a good judge of character, he’s practical, obviously he’s strong, both physically and spiritually. His resilience is extraordinary, after all he’s been through, he has not succumbed to rage, revenge, envy… Eren went through a smidgen of a fraction of what Levidis, and he decimated mankind for it. If Levi’s virtues are a bit hidden behind his gruff exterior, his weaknesses are there for all to see (is this a fault in itself?). He can be rude, he expreses anger and frustration in a violent manner—which is a result of his upbringing, granted, but still makes him look unapproachable. This can be good when facing your enemies as a soldier, but can isolate him from meaningful human connections too. I’m veering on hc terrain here, but for all his empathy he also strikes me as someone who’d be much less compassive/forgiving when it’s about “first world problems”. Annie killed his squad? No hard feelings, child soldier, all that jazz; you berate the waiter because he messed up your order? You’re dead to him. I’ve mentioned this before somewhere, but we have an idiom in my country for people who, like Levi, are not cut for polite social events, and its to be “coarse as a plough”, which is funny bc Ackerman means ploughman.

Mikasa is also strong af, and she pairs that with a calm demeanor… unless her loved ones are threatened ofc. In fact, I think Mikasa’s weaknesses are mostly her virtues going overboard: she has a fierce protective instinct, which is good up to a point but it becomes a problem  when she lets that override her judgement, like in the female titan arc. She’s determined, but that turns into stubborness. She’s loyal, but that loyalty turned into paralysis in the case of Eren; not only when it came to having to stop him, but also regarding her crush on him, which she probably wasn’t fully conscious of, hence her surprise and awkwardness when he asked her “what am I to you”.

I’m not sure at what point I started shipping rm; I do remember fretting when he was revealed to be an Ackerman, for fear that they could turn to be family, because I was already rooting for them. I guess I was initially attracted to the idea of the power couple, being the two most badass characters in the series. But I also like how she blooms under his guidance. He could have easily dismissed or bashed her for her protectiveness of Eren, but he teaches her to curb that zeal and keep it as a goal, not a trigger; he lends her his trust and allows her to become his right hand in battle. She in turn, despite her initial enmity towards him because of his display in Eren’s trial, is able to recognize Levi’s kindness and appreciate his leadership. He treats her not like a weapon, not like a silly girl, but like a full human being. Perhaps Mikasa is the one who most shows her fear of losing her loved ones, and that’s certainly something Levi knows about. Neither of them have time or energy for BS. It’s canon Mikasa wishes for a peaceful life like the one she had with her parents, and Levi to me exudes huge “I’m too old for this shit” energy (like jjk Nanami, another husbando) so I can picture them spending their afternoons in domestic bliss, fixing things around the house, tending to the garden, rather than going to town. He can give her reassurance and She could provide him with the family life he never had.

They’re both hot af, too. 😆 Imagine that Ackerpower in the bedroom...

In the end though, like in real life, it doesn’t matter much why you like it… You just do, and it makes you happy, and it hurts no one, so it’s fine!

Awww idk if being thankful or sorry that you started shipping rm because of me! 😅 Our ship is one of the most misunderstood of the fandom, and from time to time we get hate from antis, eruris and/or eremikas. But because of who they are, what they’ve been through and what they want, I think they make for beautiful fics where their relationship helps them fix themselves, rather than fixing each other. This is something that often comes up in the rm discord, how our fave fics are usually post-canon and about building a healthy relationship based on respect, rather than all the drama and toxicity of classic romance lit. (ofc we also enjoy a good old pwp… though you’ll still find a lot of established-relationship porn and porn-with-feelings fics.)

Thank you so much for your ask, and sorry again for the delay!

[mikasa-stan]

I said some criticisms about EreMika and I watched the cabin scene again. I do think it's cute, especially when they hold hands while running away. Season 4 was about them. But I am still not convinced when he treated her so badly in season 1. I know 3 seasons have passed and I may still not moved on, but.. where was the ship's foundation? Besides the scarf scene, cause it was Mikasa's POV. But Eren did stopped and stared at that scene again in the memories, it could be romantic feelings.

But my problem with the final arc, is that Eren is suddenly shown to have feelings for Mikasa when we didn't see that in season 1-3. Some people say that he cared about her, so that means he's in love with her. No, that's just caring in general. They provide proofs like when Eren gave Mikasa the scarf after she fell asleep. He even asked her to throw it away. I don't see EreMika as romantic when it's only from Mikasa's perspective.

Season 4 EreMika could have been better if there were actual hints that Eren had the same feelings for her from the first season til the end. It's like the show is tricking me that Eren is in love with her from the beginning, making me forget what he did to her in season 1. I will not romanticize that shit. I hate Mikasa with her whole "I can fix him" thing. She waited for 9 years for Eren to reciprocate her feelings. I mean she can still care about him but I don't seem to understand in the romantic way. The show doesn't make it clear what she sees about Eren. Yes, the scarf scene did, but was that the only one? What personality did Mikasa like about Eren? And same question to Eren, what does he like about her? Is he in love because he knows how Mikasa cares? I don't get it. Well, I did before, but that's because it was self-projection and it was unhealthy for me to romanticize someone that doesn't even like me back.

Mikasa deserves better. In fact, I think she should go with other guys than Eren, so she can make some comparison. That's why I think Armin is better for her. They've been together for years and they are better for each other. Armin can make Mikasa a better person and more independent, he can make her more emotionally strong. Armin can show Mikasa a better world and he has positive vibes more than Eren, throughout the whole series. He even smiled at her in the beach scene, they were happy for each other. Armin also defended her when Eren was saying some bullshits to her. I know the words he said were false but it's sad that was their last conversation, in their real world (not the paths bc they forgot about that before going to kill him). Eren still hurt them even when he's lying.

EreMika is mostly tears and anger. It's not even a tragedy in my eyes when Eren could've treated her better in season 1 or if he could've shown his feelings for her.

[bluebird722]

Giving a Chance

Summary: He thought that his feelings would go away after the three years. He worries that she will not give him that chance. An imagining of the final episode.

Pairing: Jeankasa, implied Aruani

Rating: K

AN: So the inspiration for this story was born right after I began scrolling through AOT posts on Instagram (since I started following Jean's, Mikasa's, and Pieck's English VAs' accounts) and saw how downright nasty people can be to each other in the fandom! Anyone who even mentions Jeankasa faces an enormous wave of protests from Eremika shippers, people attack each other for suggesting that she deserves to move on and be happy even without him, and commentors fight over the whole "virginity/flowers" symbolism. It got to a point where (aside from not wanting to look at even AOT fanart anymore) I thought if Yams intended for Jeankasa to be endgame, why not illustrate how it could have evolved? How could a character continue to love the one who saved her life and still develop a loving relationship that would give her joy? I hope you enjoy reading of it as I had dreaming of it and putting pencil to paper.

Jean eagerly combed back his hair and tried to conceal his excitement that, after three long years and the most trying years of his life, he was getting closer to the dream life about which he had been dreaming for years. Any time that something was not going as intended or he missed home, he thought about what he still needed to do: get his dream apartment, find the right woman, save up for the best liquors, have a baby or two, and contemplate that he was good enough of a person to deserve those fortunes. 

For whom am I trying to look good for? he thought to himself, reflecting on Pieck’s question. Not just the ladies who will read history books one day–but good looks and good vibes go hand in hand, he thought with a smirk. All they needed to do was meet with the Queen and other diplomats, and then a visit to the grave, and then…whatever else he needed to do before his dream life–much better than if he had joined the Military Police as intended years ago–could finally begin.

Then they arrived back to Paradis, wrapped up their meeting a little before twilight, and made the trip to the grave, where Mikasa was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill, and Jean felt like the atmosphere had crashed around him.

As Mikasa embraced Armin, who practically lifted her off her feet in their hug, he noticed how much she had changed, from her hair length to the style of her clothes now that she had given up the way of the warrior. He had rarely seen her in anything both so casual, so feminine, and so civilian, so the combination of pink and blue gave her a new aura of beauty. She even grew out her hair, the long hair that he remembered adoring when he first met her. 

She’s still so beautiful, Jean thought to himself. However, that was not the moment to think about that. Now was the time to mourn their late friend, who died for freedom. 

Jean managed to concentrate on the burden and peace that Eren had left for his beloved friends to save the destroyed world and make it better, but somehow it was easier imagined than experienced. It’s all right, Jean, he thought. Soon Paradis will be at peace. Maybe one day we can imprison or reprogram the Yeagerists, and my family won’t have to live under the Queen’s protection anymore, and then I can focus on having the perfect house and family…

Then he looked up at Mikasa, who was comforting a weeping Armin, and felt a sudden heavy pressure in his chest. All those feelings that he remembered having since they first met and stifled every time he saw how she had feelings for Eren, and feelings that he continued to suppress until they didn’t give him a dull ache in his heart, came back.

Jean gazed at her out of the corner of his eye as they waited to lay down flowers. She had already set down four–the number meaning that nothing would separate the two of them. Even after everything that Eren had put her through, risked for their loved ones, and inflicted upon the outside world, she still felt the same about him. 

For three years, he thought that he had gotten over Mikasa even at the mention of her name. Then just the sound of her voice and the change in appearance unlocked what he thought was long gone. 

***

The ambassadors were to stay in an undisclosed house until the Queen was certain of their outside safety. Connie, Armin, Reiner, and Jean shared one half–two men in each room–while Pieck and Annie had their own, with a kitchen between for heating tea and a bathroom for each group. After visiting Eren’s grave and a quiet dinner with the Queen, the ambassadors went to their undisclosed house while Mikasa returned to her own that the Queen set up for her and in which she was safe after returning home from Marley. Mikasa, however, was not ready to return yet. She visited with the ambassadors, caught up with them over tea, and informed them of how much worse the Yeagerists had grown. Some Paradi natives were willingly moving out of the island in hopes of finding a better life in a foreign land. This unsettled Reiner and Pieck, who planned to move back to Marley, while Annie was uncertain about her future. 

“As long as we’re together,” said Connie, “do you think…we could survive this?”

Only Armin was fully convinced, but Mikasa expressed hope that it was possible. 

***

Groaning, Jean kicked away the blanket and sighed into his pillow. Sleep could not come to him for two hours. It was black outside, and his body ached with fatigue. 

Careful not to wake up Reiner in the other bed, Jean carefully opened the door and walked barefoot into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror, with his preferred stubble length and the hair that remained polished and well groomed even after a long day. 

Then he unbuttoned his shirt, turned on the faucet, splashed cold water over his face twice, and cried harder than he ever did in his life. 

For goodness sake, Mikasa, he bitterly thought, which made hot tears run faster down his cheeks, why can’t I get over you?! It’s been three years, and I thought things would change! If you wouldn’t change, I could… It’s been three years, and I still think about you that way! I still dream about falling in love with you, imaging you as my life partner, the mother of my children—things that I never imagined until we were getting ready to stop Eren!

Jean weakly looked at himself in the mirror. I could be everything you want, everything you need, but I’m not him! I could give you everything I have and more, but you would still love him more than anything else in the world. If you could have your way, you would bring him back to life and have a life with him–a life…a married life that I would not want with anyone I didn’t feel as I did with you! He hung his head and sobbed. Why can’t I let you go if you don’t want me?

I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone, he thought. You deserve love and peace, to know that there are people out there who love you and only want the best for you! Even if you gave me a chance, I would never tell you to forget about him! I would still take you to visit his grave, I would never make you get rid of that scarf, and if you ever needed to miss him, I could spend hours awake at night with you for as long as you needed it…

Jean took deep, haggard breaths and let the tears fall with the droplets dripping from his face and hair. I could be everything you want and need, but I’m not him.

***

The conferences with the Queen and the island’s earliest cohort of allies continued on for about two more weeks, leaving the ambassadors exhausted every night. It was more tiring than if they fought the Rumbling all over again, but their temporary house and tightened security gave them some assurance that things could change for the better. Dinners in which Mikasa joined them sometimes helped, though it only bothered Jean even more. 

Fortunately, despite the Yeagerists taking over the island, the inhabitants continued to live as before everything changed. With mainland influence came new fashions, new technologies, new music, and new food. Two days before Reiner and Pieck were to board a steamboat back to their birth country, the alliance decided to go to a street festival and see to what extent the cuisine and fashion were growing on the island. 

Jean tried not to look at Mikasa, who stayed at Armin’s side the whole time, as they walked around the festival. Some vendors were selling different flavors and types of bread, the people at an ice-cream stand were handing sample cups to about five children to taste before choosing what to buy, and, to Connie’s absolute delight, a vendor was selling various kinds of fried chicken, which he had become obsessed with while staying in Marley. 

“What do you think, Mikasa?” he eagerly asked the black-haired woman who blinked at the different options like she couldn’t comprehend how people could make so many ways to make chicken taste different. Fortunately, Annie said that they would have one of everything just to let Mikasa try one of everything, from mild to spicy to sweet. 

Jean sat on the opposite side of Mikasa when she and the alliance sat down with all kinds of chicken. Some of it looked gross, and some smelled so appetizing. Watching her eat from the chicken bone was kind of amusing, in Jean’s opinion, as were the faces she made. Some were too sweet, some seasonings could go together, and even some of the spicier ones were rather good. Annie, naturally, selected the ones sweetened with brown sugar and caramel flakes; Connie wolfed down his meal–one of everything, like Mikasa’s–and went back for more. 

“So tell me more about the foods you ate in Marley,” said Mikasa to everyone, “and what you got to eat that I didn’t have when I…when we first went there.”

Everyone had a story to tell. Armin recalled trying grilled and fried and sauteed duck, and attempting to make his own. Connie talked about something called a sloppy joe that was messy but downright delicious. Jean mentioned escargots and how people flavored the snails. Annie, Reiner, and Pieck said that one day, hopefully soon, Mikasa could go to Marley and not be limited to just vanilla ice cream; Marley sold, and continued to make, drinkable ice cream called milkshakes offered in many delicious flavors like chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel. 

Mikasa nodded along and was full after eating all the chicken, but she was so glad to try each flavor. “I will definitely taste each one,” she said quietly. “I just can’t believe that we missed out on so much.”

Jean shrugged but grinned. “That’s why, when I meet the right woman and have children, I’m taking them to events like this so they can grow up experiencing everything that I would have really liked when I was a boy.”

Most of the alliance smiled, but then Jean felt the blood drain from his face. Why did he have to mention a family, children, at that moment? Sure, he knew that adults had an expectation on children to grow up and become parents, and Jean knew his parents felt the same about him, but to actually realize that a family life was something he would like even though he never really imagined one for himself until the Rumbling was starting, when he used an imaginary future as an escape from reality, struck him almost painfully. 

Well, he thought to himself as they started talking about something else, just remember–it’s not worth having a family if you are not happily partnered with someone who wants to be your partner on the biggest project of your life. Then he looked at Mikasa and the scar that he remembered from his dream. It just wouldn’t be her, since she wouldn’t want to have had a family with anyone else.

***

After Reiner and Pieck’s steamboat faded from view, Mikasa accompanied the remaining alliance to the shared house, with the Queen’s security team, to spend the night and rest so they could wake up early the next morning to reunite Connie and his mother. Annie, who had decided to start over with her life in Paradis but hoped to visit her father soon, ordered cookies and tiny cakes to munch along with their afternoon tea and sat by Armin’s side the entire afternoon. Jean, who had cooked for everyone omelets like his mother had taught him, knew that Armin was jittery about their seating position but still could not wash away that horrible feeling of jealousy. 

It was a nice, sunny afternoon that day, so Jean decided to finish his work outside and conclude the day’s sunlight with his sketchbook and charcoal. Drawing was like reuniting with a friend long separated since childhood. Jean appreciated how much bigger the city appeared now that the walls were gone. He no longer felt like cattle trapped in a pen when he thought about what he had experienced. 

“Jean?”

The voice gave his heart a prickling sensation. He cocked his head at the eyes that haunted his most recent dreams. He chastised himself for thinking of how beautiful she was when he knew that she could never find him as attractive. “Yes?” he hesitantly asked.

“Are you done with your tea?” she asked with her finger pointing to the cup and saucer at his side, to which he shook his head and said that he would be in later for a warmer brew. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could forget about her and fall head over heels for someone who would love him over any other man in the world. 

Then again…Eren tried to push her away. He insulted her, said nasty things to her that were devastating to someone he considered a sister…but she still held on. 

I’m not him, Jean thought to himself. He looked up at Mikasa peering over the balcony at life below them. He inched closer for sketching inspiration. Two children who looked to be brother and sister were carrying armfuls of books that he suspected came from the new library. An elderly couple walking by ate a doughnut split in half. Two women, one hugely pregnant, were lounging outside a cafe and laughing.

Jean sighed to himself, wistfully hoping that he didn’t have to make too many more painful sacrifices for strangers below to live these deserved lives, and noticed that Mikasa stared under the balcony and then turned away with an almost pained expression. You don’t deserve her, he thought to himself. In a fresh state of anger, he tore in half the page on which he was sketching. 

Mikasa sharply moved her head in his direction. “Jean?” she asked. “What was that?”

Jean looked down at the paper half crumbled in his fist and closed his eyes. Lie, he told himself. “Just…I just hope I’m heading in the right direction,” he said. He felt her looking at him and knew that she wasn’t going to look away. Sighing, he went on: “When I was a boy, years ago… I used to sketch what I wanted in adulthood, like how I wanted my home to look in the Military Police, what the city would look like from my window…even…” He swallowed. “...even how…how I imagined what my future wife would look like.” 

Mikasa didn’t move or change her expression. 

Keep making things up, he thought. Don’t let her suspect anything. He looked down at the sketchbook with a heavy sigh. “But then…things are taken away from you.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Like, the Battle of Trost, and seeing what happened to people we knew and trained with…and how I didn’t want to join the MP anymore…” 

Still, Mikasa didn’t move or make a face. Jean looked away from her. “And thinking…with all that’s going on here in this island… would I be able to find someone, a woman…even though…” He stumbled and swallowed. “Even though this position as ambassador is supposed to be for the greater good of this island…what woman would want to risk her life to be with me if being an ambassador meant that Connie’s and my families had to rely on the Queen for protection?”

Mikasa knelt down at a reasonable distance from him. “Don’t you think that the right woman would want to take that risk?” she asked in her usual stoic voice. “If she loves you so much…then it would be a worthwhile relationship.”

Jean twisted his mouth. “But now…it would be hard to find her, because of the Yeagerists.” When Mikasa blinked, he explained: “Like, you don’t know who believes in them and who secretly opposes them, but you’re at a point where you can’t trust anyone for fear or retaliation.” Jean stared at the charcoal under his fingernails. “And let’s say I meet and fall for someone who used to side with the Yeagerists. I…I don’t know if I would be able to look at her the same, knowing that about her.

“Like…you know how Rico is a Yeagerist? And Hitch?” 

Mikasa nodded with her mouth in a straight line. 

“Let’s say they stop being Yeagerists and decided to work with us.” Jean sighed. “Like…knowing what I know now, I–I could never see myself really being even friends with them at this point in my life. It’s like when a friend lies, and it can ruin your friendship for so long, if it’s not already destroyed.”

“I understand,” said Mikasa.

Jean opened, then closed his mouth, and finally gave in. “Do you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It is already difficult for me now, especially because of my affiliation with Eren. They know how close we were, so I still get Yeagerists asking me to join them, and they always say that he did it for me, for everyone on this island.” She shook her head. “No matter how much I miss him…I could never associate myself with a group that would proudly kill innocent lives and children. What he wanted was beyond my limits, and as much as I did not want to take his life…” 

Jean felt guilty for bringing up painful feelings and angry with himself for reiterating that her love for Eren was strong enough to overlook where he hurt her indirectly, such as a desire to kill even children. He remembered questioning why in Liberio he couldn’t kill that boy who turned out to be Falco. Was it because he himself was unwilling to murder a child? It didn’t matter anymore. He set down his sketchbook, picked up his cup and saucer, and walked inside, where he washed the cup and saucer through grinding teeth. I’m not him, he thought. I could be everything you ever wanted or needed in a partner, but you would see only him and fantasize about him every time we–we…

Jean tried not to think subtle thoughts–of bedsheets, of panting, hands grasping bare backs, two bodies bringing the other to pleasure, morning kisses and nuzzles, and arms around waists, of two bodies trying to spend as much time together as possible. He closed his eyes and pushed his forehead against the cabinet.

For goodness sake, why can’t I get over you?! We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, that I thought these feelings would go away! You would not even want to imagine me as anything more, let alone even dream of a married life with me! You could marry as many men as you’d like and still insist that you be buried with that scarf and beside Eren at the tree, because no man’s love could ever fill that hole that he left you!

“Jean?”

He cocked his head without pulling away from the cabinet. She had come back inside and held his sketchbook and charcoal in one hand. “You left this outside. It’s supposed to rain later today.”

His sigh was not in relief. “Thank you.” He listened to her set down the sketchbook and turned back to the saucer under the soapy water. Why can’t I let go of these thoughts…

“Excuse me?”

Jean slightly jumped. It was Mikasa’s voice. “What?” he asked. 

“You said something under your breath,” she pointed out. “Something about thoughts…”

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just…lost my faith that things could get better.” He resumed washing the cup and saucer, but she didn’t move away. 

For someone who didn’t like to talk about her feelings, she was making it awfully hard to deny his emotional turmoil. 

“That’s odd to say, coming from an ambassador who is working towards peace,” she said in her usual monotone. 

Jean remembered when he said that he could not imagine being friends with Rico or Hitch should they leave the Yeagerists. He knew that confessing his feelings to Mikasa would destroy whatever relationship they had, and that she could never think of him as a friend again. Frustrated, he dropped the porcelain in his hands and hung his head. “It’s been three years,” he croaked, “and…I still can’t rid of these feelings I have. I thought that my time in Marley, and being an ambassador–they would go away. But then I came home after these three years…” 

He gripped the edges of the sink. “I thought they would go away like my ambition to join the Military Police,” he spat. “But these feelings…why can’t I force them to go away?”

“Feelings,” she repeated.

Jean felt set up and swallowed nausea bubbling in his throat. He looked at her over his shoulder. She was somehow even more beautiful than in the cadets, despite the trauma and pain they endured from fighting the right and wrong enemies. “Mikasa,” he said with burning eyes, “I didn’t save your life, I didn’t wrap that scarf around you, I didn’t let you live with me after your entire life changed in one day…but…” 

He clenched his teeth after his rushed speech. “I could be and give you everything you wanted and everything you needed, but I’m not him! I could love you with every fiber of my being, but it wouldn’t erase the pain that he left you.” When the tears came, he brushed them away. “I just want you to be happy–like Armin does, like Connie does, like everyone else, I want you to be happy.” He took a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy and mourn over what had been, or a dream of what could have been. I told you to kill your best friend, your soulmate, and that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life.”

He turned away his face and rinsed off the cup and saucer to put on the drying rack, but before he could turn around, a hand touched his arm. Her expression didn’t change. “I thought we could be allies again, friends…” He bit his upper lip and watched the water go down the drain. “I should never have brought this up.”

Mikasa took a shaky breath and moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, and Jean had no other choice but to meet her eyes. “Do you see yourself…giving yourself that chance?” she whispered. “If I let you…would you?”

The nausea was coming up his throat again, and Jean made himself swallow, though it was like gulping down scalding water. “If you let me?” he repeated. He shook his head. “Even if you gave me that chance… I would never make you forget him. I would never tell you to throw away that scarf. I would spend hours awake with you if you missed him so much that you couldn’t sleep at night. I would take you to his grave as often as you wanted to go. I would never make you do anything that you didn’t want to do, or become someone you were not. I would vow to you above myself, in good and bad.” 

Jean’s heart was thumping so fast that he worried that he would have a heart attack. He put his wet hands on her waist without thinking and hitched his breath. “I never pursued women in Marley, and I didn’t know why, not even other Eldian women.”

Mikasa’s eyes were of uncertainty, and Jean felt even more guilty and ashamed of himself for making her feel like she had to give in to his dreams that he harbored for years, and that he could promise her a lifetime of happiness even if he wasn’t him. He dropped his hands from her waist, but then her hands–slender and warm–cupped the sides of his jaw and lowered his head so she could kiss the middle of his forehead. 

***

Jean struggled to swallow the mouthful of soup, and not just because it was boiling hot–it was spicy, like the peppers that Marleyans warned made people cry. He inhaled and moved his blistering tongue around his mouth. “Good heavens, that was hurtful,” he panted. 

Mikasa twisted her mouth. “I know,” she said, “but you know that the doctor said that this will clear out your system, kill the virus in you.”

Jean turned his head away and sneezed into his sleeve. “Ugh…felt like I sneezed out a chili pepper,” he groaned.

“You may as well have,” said Mikasa. “Your nose is bleeding.”

Jean, groaning louder, sat up and impatiently pulled the shirt over his head despite his aching muscles. “Sorry to keep adding to the laundry load,” he heaved as he fell back onto his pillow. 

“Do not apologize,” said Mikasa. “I’ll let the soup cool down and take this outside, all right?”

“That sounds good,” Jean whispered. 

At that moment, the door opened, and a pair of tiny footsteps walked into the room. “Marco?” said Mikasa. “What is it?”

The five-year-old’s face was on the verge of crying. “Mama…my throat hurts…” He threw back his head and sneezed into the crease of his elbow, trailing colored snot.

Mikasa immediately stood up and lifted her son onto her hip. “I’ll take you into the bathroom, and you can have a nice warm bath. It’s good for fighting the flu.”

Marco whined and rubbed his forehead against her collarbone. 

Mikasa had just stepped out of the bedroom when she heard heaving and lurching in the bedroom across from hers. Without knocking, she opened the door and saw her little girl sitting on the floor with her face in the wastebin pulled between her pale, shaking legs. Poor thing was too weak to walk to the bathroom. “Sasha? Sweetheart?”

The three-year-old weakly lifted her head and started crying. “Mama… make it stop… It’s like sloppy joes…”

Mikasa swiftly helped Sasha onto her other hip and carried her children into the bathroom. She positioned Sasha’s head over the toilet, drew warm water, helped Marco out of his pajamas, and lowered him into the tub. The boy nearly yelped but then closed his eyes. “I don’t feel better yet,” he whined. 

“You will,” his mother promised. “It will take time.” She glanced over the tub and saw that Sasha was on the floor, pressing her forehead against the tiles. “Sasha!”

Sasha protested when her mother tried lifting her. “No, Mama, my head… it feels nice…”

“If you keep laying like that, Sasha, you will only get sicker.” Mikasa removed Sasha’s nightgown and placed her in the tub beside her brother. At their mother’s instruction, the children held their breaths, pinched their noses, and dunked their heads under the surface. Once they came back up, Mikasa gathered their germy pajamas and told them to relax and not try to drown each other while she went outside. She would come back very soon, once she hung the new load to dry.

After five minutes, Mikasa finished hanging the soaking clothes and bedsheets, had unclipped the dry linens, and carried the basket back inside. She set everything onto the kitchen table to fold later and hurried back up to the bathroom. She opened the door and saw that the children were not in the tub. 

Before panic struck, she instantly saw tiny droplets of water trailing into her and Jean’s bedroom. Mikasa followed the trail and peeked inside. 

Marco cuddled to his father, his head on Jean’s ribcage, while Sasha was curled to Jean’s chest. Both children were wearing fresh sleepwear, and they still had towels wrapped around their heads. The three of them, aside from the occasional cough, were napping quite peacefully. Mikasa smiled to herself and left the room to give her sick family peace. 

She went into Sasha’s room to strip off the soaked bedding, but the sheets were already pulled off and in a pile at the foot of the bed. On Sasha’s pillow was a sheet of paper with Jean’s recognizable handwriting: I got this for you. You go take a nap. You deserve it. 

***

When Mikasa woke up from her nap, it was already dark. She didn’t hear coughing, so the children were probably still sleeping. She could probably take down the hanging laundry from outside and set up the beds for when the children woke up. 

Mikasa went downstairs with a candle, but before she went outside, she peeked into the kitchen and saw that not only was the laundry that she brought in earlier folded and stacked on the table, but also folded were the children’s sheets and pajamas that they wore before their bath. Her mouth twitched in affection, and she went into the kitchen to pick up everything. 

Inside, however, she saw Jean, wearing only slippers and a towel with droplets of water on his bare back and arms, at the stove, tending to the spicy soup that she fed him earlier. He turned his head when he heard her approach him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “You, um…”

Jean smirked and ladled the soup into a small bowl. “Do you want one?” he asked her. “I suspect that you forgot to eat before your nap.”

He was always like that, worrying that Mikasa starved herself. She shrugged and said why not. She accepted the steaming bowl and waited for him to sit across from her before she ate. It was both spicy and hot enough to fully awaken her. 

After the usual questions that Jean was all right, that he enjoyed his bath, how well were the children sleeping, and if anyone vomited or had trouble holding down food, Mikasa beckoned to the basket and folded cloths. “Why did you fold them for me? I could have done it.”

Jean shook his head. “I know, but you deserve rest. You may the only one of us who will remain in perfect health while everyone around you gets sick…but you’re my wife, my dearest love.” He set down his spoon and put his hand over hers. “Remember–we’re in this together, caring for the biggest, most important projects of our lives.”

Mikasa cocked her head and smirked. “I know–”

“But,” he cut her off before she could continue, “that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave you to everything.” With those words, his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. “Remember what I said all those years ago? That I would put you above myself in good and bad times?” 

Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Jean continued: “I wasn’t saying that so you would give me a chance. I said those words because I meant them, just as much as I do now.” He pulled her hand to himself and kissed her knuckles. “I love you too much.”

Mikasa could not count how many times she heard him say those words, but they always gave her a light feeling in her chest that lifted her spirits. He knew that he could never erase away her old love, nor did he attempt to, but the joy he gave her because of the love he gave and the love that he had for their children made Mikasa glad that she gave him that chance. It was unlike how she imagined her future for years, but sometimes she appreciated how her life in reality was even better than her dream life.

[pickalilywrites]

Hi Lily!!! As we all know the anime just ended, so if it's alright... one last Eremika fic please? Hope you're doing well <3

sorry this took so long! hope you are still well 💕

in this light

eremika. canonverse. 930 words.

It’s this dream again, Eren thinks just as he rouses from his sleep. He clings to the last remnants of his slumber, but the fantasy slips from his fingers as soon as he opens his eyes. All he feels underneath his fingers are the soft blades of grass he had fallen asleep. The tree’s shadow blankets him in shade and a gentle breeze caresses his skin as wakens from his slumber. His vision is blurred as he blinks himself awake. Even as he returns to the conscious world, a part of him still desperately wishes to return to the world of slumber if only to resurrect the dream that had slipped away from him. 

Eren never remembers his dreams. Not a remnant of them remains when he wakens no matter how hard he tries to recall even the smallest detail. All he is left with when he awakes is an overwhelming feeling of loss. Tears sting at his eyes, leaving trails on his cheeks as they run down his face.  

“Eren?” a voice calls, and he finds himself drawn to it. The voice calls again, its gentle tone guiding him to awaken fully, and when his vision clears he sees Mikasa standing over him. 

Mikasa gazes down at Eren. The tree’s shadow doesn’t reach her. The sun shines down on her, basking her in sunlight. Something about this image of her, bathed in light, is familiar to Eren, but he doesn’t know why. It’s something about the light, so bright it’s almost blinding. He should probably raise his hand to shield his eyes from the brightness, but he finds he can’t look away from Mikasa. 

“Eren, why are you crying?” Mikasa asks. She must have been asking him all this time, but he’s only realizing it now.  

His hand reaches up to touch his cheeks and his fingers come away, wet with tears. He looks down at the salt tears that stain his fingertips in surprise. “I don’t know. I don’t remember,” he says quietly. 

Mikasa observes him in silence and all that can be heard is the rustle of leaves as the wind blows through. After a moment, she holds out a hand for Eren to take. Gingerly, Eren takes it and allows Mikasa to pull him up. He’s surprised by the warmth that he feels when his fingertips meet her skin.  

“Let’s go home,” Mikasa says, and any remnants that Eren may have had about his dream are forgotten. 

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓆰𓆪 

“Eren,” the voice calls to him again, and it seems to be on the verge of tears. When had he last heard her calling to him? It must have been a thousand years at least, and still he finds himself drawn to the owner’s voice like a moth to a flame.  

When Mikasa calls his name, he is wakened from his endless, thousand-year nightmare. He had wandered through the same horrors for years on end, trudging through seas of scarlet with the blood of those that he had killed with his own hands. Everywhere he walked, he would see the lifeless bodies of everyone he had murdered for his own gain: enemies, bystanders, and those that he loved. Step by tortuous step, he trudged forward knowing there would never be an escape from this nightmare until he heard her call his name.  

At the sound of her voice, he rouses from his slumber. They are both shrouded in darkness. What little light reaches them seems to be drawn to her and only her.  

Mikasa stands before him, bathed in white light. In this light, she looks just like the bride he has dreamed about for years. 

It’s this dream again, Eren thinks as he gazes at Mikasa, entranced. At the sight of her, he can recall it all, that recurring dream that had always eluded him before. He wants to reach out to touch her, to wipe the tears that are running down her face, but he finds he cannot move. Her beauty has immobilized him and all he can do is shed tears of his own as she gazes down at him like she had all those years ago.  

“Eren,” Mikasa calls him again, and his name is tinged with sadness. Is it because it’s the beginning or the end? She closes the distance between them that he never could, stepping towards him with a blade in hand. There’s a flash of silver for only a split second, and her blade disappears into its scabbard as if she had never taken it out at all.  

As the darkness becomes ever darker around them, so does the light that seems to come from Mikasa herself as her hands reach out to catch Eren’s face in her hands. Her touch is just as warm as he remembers and he feels his eyelids grow heavy. Strangely, he feels no pain, only comfort as he basks in her warmth.  

“Eren, I’m sorry,” she tells him, but he doesn’t know why she’s apologizing when this is everything he’s ever wanted. This is the dream he has been chasing for his entire life.  

He can’t find the words to tell her himself. His mouth has been rendered useless. He can only hope that she can taste the words on his tongue as she brings her lips to meet his.  

Mikasa, I love you. You’re all I’ve ever dreamed of. Thank you. The words keep playing in his head even as his vision fades to black and he feels him drifting off once more, his dream ending for the last time.  

[dukeofdelirium]

"What do you think are x and y’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?"

So, just found this kinda ask for various ships, I was thinking to ask you, if you don't mind and have free time, of course.

For your fav ships: Lawlight, Kataang, Byler or Eremika (feel free to pick whichever you want to answer). 🌻🌷

Hmmm 🤔🤔🤔

For Lawlight, I’d say both of their strengths would be their intelligence. I’d also say a weakness for both is that they are in many ways cut off from other people, whether it’s like L who kind of does so intentionally or Light who puts on a mask for other ppl’s sake. I also think Light has a level of optimism that is extremely beneficial to him, as well as the willpower to do what he wants and to believe he is capable of achieving it, and his optimism isn’t something I see ppl mention a lot in regards to his character, but I view it as a strength. In the same vein, though, his willpower to achieve what he sets out to do is also a weakness, because he either grows bored of things easily once they are no longer challenging or he is too sure of himself. Not that I can really blame his mindset, considering he is a genius who has rarely if ever been challenged before meeting L, so it’s understandable as to why he possesses such a surety of himself. For L, I think his biggest weakness is how blunt he often is, and how it leads people to not cooperate with him, even the investigative team that work with him in canon. He is not an easily approachable individual, which is part of the reason he doesn’t interact with people in person. I also think L similarly has a drive to achieve what he wants just like Light, by any means necessary. We see it time and time again with his willingness to sacrifice people for answers, or with Light’s mock execution, etc. however, this is a double edged sword because that desire to win also creates more hostility

As for what I love about their dynamic? Oh god, I could go on and on. I like how effortlessly they read and understand one another. I like how they speak to each other in very strange almost coded ways. I like how they have this sort of affinity for one another despite being essentially opposing forces or opposite pieces of a chess game. I like that they’re enemies that don’t necessarily hate one another. I like how doomed they are by the narrative. I like that they are intrinsically tied to one another regardless of space, time or death. I like the melancholy to their relationship, the inherent tragedy of it. But most of all I like that they are the only person that has ever or will ever really know the other, and that they both know it but never really speak it. Because to me there is no greater intimacy than being understood.

For Kataang, I’d say one of Aang’s biggest strengths is his willingness to forgive. His compassion and empathy, too, but mainly his ability to forgive. A weakness for him would probably be his difficulty allowing people to show him affection, because it’s something he does struggle with in the show. He tends to bottle up emotions a lot, too, which is a weakness. For Katara, I’d say that her biggest strength is her willingness to help people in need, as well as her drive to be the best version of herself she can be. I’d say a weakness for her is that she has a lot of anger and tends to kind of explode and that said anger was almost a detriment to her.

As for what I love about their dynamic? I love that they balance one another. I love that they are each others best friend and confidant. I love that they really heal one another in a lot of ways through their relationship. I love how supportive they are of one another and how much they trust each other.

I’ll answer what I like dynamic wise about the other ships you listed :)

For Byler, I love that they are also childhood friends like kataang. I just love how much they care about one another, especially how much Mike cares about Will. It’s very sweet 🥹 I also love how easily they work together in the show, how Will really makes Mike feel genuinely loved and valued and how protective Mike is of Will.

For Eremika, I love how much Eren loves Mikasa 😭 I like how much he values her and how he goes from feeling jealous of her strength to valuing and accepting that. It was a really nice thing to see play out. I also love their whole backstory and how they met, and how much it meant to Mikasa. She’s so fiercely protective of him 😭😭😭 they make me emo

Thanks for the ask!! This was so fun :)

[marichild]

tysm for the tag @vryivs !!

Fanfic Writer Interview

How many works do you have on AO3?

104 as of right now lol. that number will go up very soon…

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

there are more important things than words between us — my stupid friends to lovers gyubrik fic that I wrote on impulse for ricky’s birthday lol

something that has become absolutely clear — my (badly written) take on That cave episode in assassination clasroom

the truth and kindness behind those eyes — I genuinely wrote this for shits and giggles. it’s my (again, badly written) take on how thorfinn and canute grow less antagonistic(?) in the prologue

for me, like the real me — the trans!karma fic I wrote just because I could. I suspect people like this for the cute karmagisa and my thinly veiled karma and gakushuu are actually besties material agenda.

what’s the lie? what’s the truth? — I…have nothing to say except I just wanted to put a romantic spin on the karmagisa fight. it’s not a good fic. at ALL. on my defense I was like fifteen…

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh, absolutely! getting comments always makes my day; I’m super happy when I get them so of course I have to reply. I mean, it’s already taking time out of their day to leave comments, so I must respond. especially when they provide their own unhinged thoughts!! comments are so fun…guys always leave comments authors LOVE IT. if we didn’t want them we’d leave them turned off <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I can already hear sophia crying in my head….definitely if my desires come true (oh, how I wish I could attain that). literally put poor ma jingxiang through the WRINGER and left him in pieces by the end. I promise I love him guys

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I usually write happy endings tbh but I suppose for eternity, we will stay — I put junminjae through emotional rollercoasters for 30k words and finally let them be cute boyfriends via secret love letter lol — or PERSONALY…couldn’t even become a nobody. because gender feelings and finally being accepted + feeling gender euphoria for the first time + getting with the girl you’ve ben pining for like a year and half after. that’s very deeply precious to me.

Do you write crossovers?

I mean I do have my enhypen servamp au bc I mean. enhypen and vampires. and the only vampire anime I’ve ever seen…give blood-stained wings a peek if you can people <3

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

lol yeah on my only eremika fic some weirdo had to be racist to me (which I deleted) and another weirdo was being mean about the ship (which I kept for shits and giggles lmfao).

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not that often and I haven’t published 99 percent of it! and like vry I also write the cinematic kind lmao. except for my only published pwp, which is just…a horny mess. being greyace means I have to be in a very specific headspace to write smut 😔🙏

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

twice! such a crazy experience when people want to translate YOUR FIC. btw.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! this is just because I’m very specific about the visions I have and no opportunities have ever come up, unless you count the madlibs event on the 86 Fanfic Events server haha.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I have a LOT, but the ships that have stuck with me throughout the years are zukka and eremika <3 atla and aot in general are some of the fandoms that stick to me very closely having been a big part of my fandom experiences in general. zukka is more just because sentiment, but eremika. spending YEARS riding the SS Eremika and praying for them and then 2021 gifting us with Those chapters. Yeah.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

hmmm probably the markhyuck long distance relationship au. unsurprisingly, it was inspired by broken melodies, but I’ve lost most of my steam on it. sadly.

that being said, another wip I’ve lost steam on but MAY pick up is the seongjoong…what do I even call it. inspired by inception, both the movie and song, au? lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told that I’m really good at drawing out emotions, so I suppose sensory, vivid writing? I’ve also been told this is a thing that happens when English is not your first language, lol. I will admit that I’m good at writing emotions, at least. just not sure about placing…or timing…

What are your writing weaknesses?

action writing, probably. for all that my favorite media involves some kind of fighting — see: the shonen/seinen genre, also the fantasy & stuff I like — I’m not…very focused on the actual action even if I’m able to appreciate a good fight scene. I should work on that.

I also think I have a good bit of work to do when it comes to, like, the background description? I still have to go back and edit so that the characters aren’t in a blank white room lol.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

that it can be jarring, tbh. the line I draw is at honorifics and formalities that don’t really have English equivalents such as hyung/noona/-chan/-kun and all that. I’m also fine with like a word or two that doesn’t really translate as well or isn’t commonly used in English — for example, I always refer to dazai and chuuya as soukoku in both description and dialogue simply bc it flows better to me, or I refer to atsushi as “weretiger” in description and indirect dialogue about him, but default to “jinko” when it comes to akutagawa actually talking to him. or it could just be me going like “mat-hyung” instead of “oldest hyung.” it really depends.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

definitely atla and definitely zukka! they were such a big part of my life as a kid, it’s been fun exploring them again. maybe one day I’ll write something!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

probably my one and only sasunaru fic, and my heart loves you again, simply because it’s…imagery and characterization speaking, one of the only times I reread just to imagine it all again, especially because naruto is a consistent fandom for me, if not always at the forefront.

the other one is probably careless as could be, because I have SOO many thoughts about sigma+ chuuya + humanity and also I adore them both. genuinely in terms of description, in terms of character study….it’s such a fun fic. I wish more people read it LMAO but alas.

tagging (this is all /nf btw)

@blackwaves @justadino-ig @zukkaoru @hollow-lime-green @anticidic

[cosmicjoke]

Hi

What are your views on Eren and Mikasa's relationship. I am not a big eremika shipper but how crucial thier relationship was for the conclusion of the show really fascinated me.

I get Mikasa's feeling for Eren but I really just don't get Eren's treatment towards Mikasa from the very beginning. Thier relationship was quite toxic to me.

Do you think Eren loved Mikasa as much as she loved him? Is it a well written ship in your opinion?

Hi there,

Well, Eren's and Mikasa's relationship is very complicated, for sure. I know a lot of people don't particularly like it, or they think Isayama only "confirmed" it at the end to appease the fans, which I think is an absurd accusation. Eren and Mikasa's relationship was, in many ways, the lynch pin at the center of AoT. It was always there, literally from the start, from the very opening panels of the manga.

I think Eren did love Mikasa, genuinely. But Eren's always had this problem of being self-absorbed, lost in his own head and in his own fantasies, of always "running ahead" and leaving the people who care about him behind. That was always a motif between Eren, Armin and Mikasa, from the start. We see Eren do this repeatedly throughout the story. Obviously, when they're children, and Eren is always running off and getting into fights, with Mikasa chasing after him. And after they join the Survey Corps, their first real fight against titans, Eren runs off without the rest of his group and nearly gets killed, in fact, seeming DOES get killed, until his titan power manifests. We see Eren get kidnapped repeatedly throughout the story, usually because of his thoughtlessness, charging ahead without thinking of the consequences, or of how his actions impact those around him. We see Mikasa at one point trying to convey her feelings to Eren, only for Eren to basically blow her off, too consumed with rage and anger at himself for being unable to change anything, as the titan that ate his mother looms before him. And finally, of course, it culminates in Eren enacting the Rumbling, charging off ahead in pursuit of "freedom" and leaving his friends behind.

Eren's inability to acknowledge or accept Mikasa's love is, I think, emblematic of his inability to acknowledge or accept the world he lives in. He's perpetually unsatisfied, forever searching for something, forever longing for something, always feeling as if he's being denied something, kept from something, always feeling caged. And so, he never sees what he actually has. He's unable to see the beauty around him. He's never able to fully appreciate his friends. He's never able to fully appreciate their love, until finally, it's too late.

I do think it's an extremely well written ship, just like all of the relationships between characters in AoT are. But it's not meant to be romantic, really, it's meant to be tragic.

A big theme of AoT is the importance of being able to let go of ones dreams. Those who can let go of their dreams are those who can actually change things, and find freedom. Dreams are, in many ways, portrayed as a prison for the characters of AoT. They become trapped by their dreams, controlled by their dreams, etc... Eren wasn't able to let go of his dream for freedom. Mikasa, eventually, was able to let go of her dream of being with Eren, and it freed both her and Ymir. It was Eren's inability to let go of his dream that, ultimately, doomed him. Ironically, it was Eren's inability to let go of his dream for freedom which turned him into a slave.

[karizard-ao3]

In a peaceful canonverse where they don’t suffer and have no trauma inside the walls, how do you think Eremika’s relationship would grow? (I leave it up to you to choose if Mikasa lives with the jaegers or not)

And how many kids do you think they’d have? Considering they’d go at it like rabbits at one point and there are no condoms in a medieval society

Please be warned that this ended up pretty long. I had to start reining myself in.

Let's say for fun that Mikasa's parents don't die and her brother is born healthy but the Ackermans decide that she should go to school in town to be around other kids her own age (they see how happy she is when Eren comes over) so they arrange for her to live in town during the school year and come home for summer and holiday breaks. I don't see why the Jaegers wouldn't offer to let her stay with them. She has such a calming effect on Eren, after all. And then, per Grisha's musings about how much it would benefit Eren to spend time in the isolation of the mountains with Mikasa, the Jaegers end up sending him to the Ackermans' for at least part of the summer.

I don't think Eren would want to admit how much he likes spending time with Mikasa, but Armin notices Eren goes straight home after school a lot more often than he did before Mikasa moved in.

A question I have is whether or not Mikasa's Ackerman abilities would ever get awakened in this au? Would she even have them? Are there titans? Let's say there aren't any and she's just a normal little girl.

I don't think Eren realizes at first exactly what the depths of his feelings for her are. He knows that he wants to protect her and he likes being around her but it's not until the summer that she goes home and he stays in town (shall we say he's got himself a job, maybe? Or he wants to go traveling Paradis with Armin?) that he realizes how he feels.

The entire time they're apart he just misses her. He and Armin see an interesting sight or talk to some girls and all he's thinking is it would be better if Mikasa was there to enjoy it with them. He is not even kind of making the connection between why he's bored out of his mind while Armin flirts or why he keeps scratching Mikasa's initials into things, but when he gets home and she arrives with her trunk for their final year of school (actually, school probably doesn't go past 11 or 12 in a medieval-y canonverse au unless you're furthering your education, so let's say Eren has been working manual labor this entire time because, no offense to him, he does not have the brains or bedside manner to become a doctor, and Mikasa is indeed furthering her education in order to teach school or something. Or hell, maybe she has a cute little job at a dress or hat maker's but she still goes home for long visits to see her family. I feel like Mikasa would like a job decorating pretty hats). So let's say Mikasa still boards withe the Jaegers and EMA are all 15 or 16 years old, and Mikasa has been away and now she's back. And she is looking hot. Eren doesn't know if it's because he missed her so much or if she actually looks different, but he's not the only one that notices what a tall drink of water she is. There are dances and socials for all the young folk in lieu of modern dating and the neighborhood young men are lining up to ask her to dance or go for a walk through the square and any number of things. Eren "Who has time for girls?" Jaeger has shunned this kind of frivolous nonsense in previous years, but he's got a vested interest now that dudes are showing up at his door with flowers and little gifts for his friend, Mikasa.

She, quite frankly, thinks nothing of the attention. She assumes it's just what's done when you're a young person of marriage age and that it means as little to the guys courting her as it does to her. She's polite but not encouraging but all Eren sees is her going to all the socials with the other girls from the hat shop and he assumes the worst.

Armin's been trying to get Eren to go with him to the activities and he finally agrees, with many misgivings because there's one exceptionally persistent guy who's been coming around and he just knows he's a threat to the domestic bliss he's been taking for granted.

Please know that Eren still doesn't realize how he feels about Mikasa at this point. Introspection is a foreign word to Eren.

He goes to the dance with Armin. He sullenly goes along with it when Armin drags him along to ask girls to dance. He dances with the girls. glowering the whole time. Mikasa isn't there yet. Why did he even come?

She shows up midway through, arm in arm with her coworkers. She's still shy but she keeps to herself a lot less as a girl who has not lost her entire family, so she's keeping to the people she knows but she's smiling and having a good time.

Eren is gratified to see that she turns down the first few guys who ask her to dance, ignoring the fact that he is observing this while waltzing around the dance floor with another girl in his arms.

Finally, Mikasa does accept a young man's invititation and this is just the motivation Eren needs to go storming up to her after the song ends and demand that she dance with him next.

It is during this dance that he finally understands what's going on. Think the scarf scene but with vastly lower stakes. Eren and Mikasa are twirling around the floor, he's feeling like shit, and she smiles at him and says, "I'm so glad you're here. I'd much rather dance with you than anyone else." She, of course, has been besotted with him since they were kids.

Eren sees spakles all around her and says, "I'll dance with you every day if you want, forever."

And then, because their lives are so simple and untroubled, they actually get to just court. They're both shy at first and it's a little silly because they live together, but Eren starts being more conscientious and Mikasa doesn't go out with the girls anymore. Carla catches them sneaking a kiss and sends Mikasa home to protect her from Eren's hormones. She's not letting Mikasa get pregnant under her roof. So then Eren has to go out and visit her until she can find somewhere else to board in town.

Eren works hard, saves up his money, and builds them a little house in the mountains because he does find it does wonders for his attitude to be out in nature, and, finally, they get married. He dances with her every day like he promised and they have at least five kids but probably twice that and their lives are just really normal and uneventful.

[casualaruanienjoyer]

could you make a scenario for Eremika, if you're comfortable?

Hello Anon! Of course! I hope you'll like this. It was fun trying to come up with a scenario for this.

Set Up

It's past midnight and a bunch of cadets have gathered in the food hall: Connie, Sasha, Krista, Ymir, Armin, Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt. They really shouldn't be here this late, but they have a plan. A plan that requires an utmost level of discretion.

"Right, how do we do this?" Reiner crosses his arms and straightens his back. They were all siting around one of the tables in the food hall, the only light source being a small candle in the middle.

Armin nods "I mapped out the entire plan. We cannot risk getting caught. Each of us will be given a mission and it must be carried out to utmost perfection."

"But will this even work?" Ymir yawns, leaning against Krista.

"Do YOU have a better idea??" Connie hisses from across the table.

"I thought you guys said there would be food involved..." Sasha whines, her head rested on the table.

"This is pointless" Annie mutters. She's a few feet away, leaning against the wall.

"Guys, we have to believe in ourselves! If we don't do this, who knows what might happen?' Krista says, gazing at everyone with her dazzling eyes.

Reiner smirks and hooks an arm around Armin's shoulders, leaning in to take a peek at his scribbles. "I think this will work a charm".

Armin's eyes flicker with determination "Right. Everyone, I'll tell each of you what you need to do".

...

Morning came and Mikasa's on her way to town. She's running late to a meet up with Sasha who had left her a letter on her pillow. "Mikasa, I need your help. I think I'm in big trouble, can you please meet me in front of the Blue Swan Restaurant at 12pm? Thaaank yoouuu!"

"I hope she's doing ok" she mutters, holding up parts of her dress to avoid dirt staining it. Yes, Mikasa's wearing a dress today. Not hers, but Krista's.

She has no idea why, but someone decided to steal all her clothes from the chest under her bed. Mikasa turned the whole room upside down, yet couldn't find any clues. Whoever they were, they must have been incredibly stealthy to not have woken her up in the night.

Krista was kind enough to offer her one of her dresses, simple, long and dusty pink. It came with a leather corset decorated with leaves and flowers and a laced cardigan with long sleeves. Mikasa didn't understand why Krista had a dress that big, since she was quite petite. "Haha... just in case I go through a growth spur! You know how girls are!" Krista responded, and Mikasa didn't have enough time to question her further.

The outfit complimented Mikasa's fair skin and jet black hair. She doesn't mind it, anything is better than meeting Sasha in her pjs.

"Almost there" she takes a last turn around a corner and expects to meet-

"Eren?"

"Mikasa??"

They almost run into each other but stop just in time. Eren looks out of breath.

"Have you seen Connie??" He manages to ask between raspy puffs.

It's only now that Mikasa noticed his outfit. Eren's wearing black dress pants and a dark green shirt that compliments his features. It's been a while since he last cut his hair, and some of it is long enough to reach his shoulders. Mikasa's never seen him so well put together. But she can't let herself stare any longer, sadly.

"What happened? Why are you looking for Co-" She asks, but Eren cuts her off, fishing a letter out of his pocket.

"He left me an invitation to his own funeral!! And this stupid outfit. Told me to come to the Blue Swan for the ceremony".

Mikasa lifts an eyebrow, sceptical. "Connie's funeral... at a restaurant...?" Eren can be quite dense sometimes.

"Well, now that you say that, it does sound a bit farfetched" he strokes his chin, thinking. "Say, why are you here anyway?"

"Sasha asked me to meet her here. She left a note saying she's in trouble". Mikasa could feel a headache building.

But just as Eren was about to ask something else, the doors to the Blue Swan swung open and they get yanked inside.

"H-hey!" Eren shouts at the two strong waiters (rocking some very impressive moustaches) that are pushing them towards one of the dining tables.

Before they know it, Eren and Mikasa are fully seated, chairs pushed in and elegant towels on their laps. The awfully familiar waiters from before are nowhere to be seen.

Eren looks like he's about to get up, but Mikasa stops him.

"Eren, calm down. There must be some sort of misun-"

"Ahh, miss Ackerman, Mr Yeager! We've been waiting for you!" An old waiter stops by their table. His moustache was nowhere near as impressive as the ones from before, Eren thought.

"Have you?" Eren feels completely lost.

"Sorry sir, you must be mistaken. We didn't book a table here" Mikasa replies politely.

"Oh don't be silly, you are scheduled for an entire course. Your entrees will be with you shortly. So tell me, white or red wine?"

"Um, we're fine for drinks, thank you". The waiter nods and leaves swiftly.

Then there's silence. They look around the restaurant, taking in the intricate decorations on the walls and ceiling. They've never been here, for obvious reasons.

Their eyes meet, and they both burst out laughing.

"I have absolutely no idea what's going on" Eren relaxes in his chair. "I'm completely defeated".

Mikasa nods, fixing her cardigan.

"You look nice, by the way" Eren mutters, rocking back and forth on the back legs of his chair. "It suits you".

Mikasa blushes. "Ah-thank you. Krista lent it to me. I'm not sure why, but someone stole all my clothes last night."

"Wait, yours too?" Eren's eyes are wide. "I couldn't find any of my things either! Thought I might have accidentally put all of them in the wash or something."

He fixes his slightly messed up hair.

"You... you look nice too, Eren." Mikasa mutters, catching Eren off guard.

"Thank you. It's not something I wear often". He smiles. "I think we look quite refined like this, wouldn't you say" he lifts one of the many glasses on the table, extending his pinkie finger and pulling a snobby face.

Mikasa snorts, a hand flying to her mouth. Eren looks pleased with himself.

"You know what, miss Ackerman. We might as well enjoy this while it lasts" he says, seeing the entrees approaching slowly.

-----

Armin's plan:

Sasha and Connie- diversions Annie and Armin: stealing clothes, including Eren's outfit that actually belongs to Jean Krista: provide Mikasa's outfit Reined and Bertholdt: waiters Ymir: steal some money to fund all this somehow

-----

💜This fic is now also on AO3!

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Chapter 91: She is not yours to keep!

Spoilers ahead

So there was something that I wanted to talk about for chapter 91, and it was specifically this scene regarding Eren’s feelings for Mikasa:

Eren growled in response, yanking his arm out of the god’s grip. “Fine! I do love her! She’s one of the few people I have left! And even if she outlived me, I wouldn’t want her to move on with someone else! I would rather have her only have feeling for me than anyone else!”

The energy lingering on Primus grew violent and chaotic, contorting into sharp and rigid shapes. The wings lost shape and thrashed around so chaotically before shooting up into the air. The color turned from a bright orange to a violent, bloody red. Primus’ glowing eyes mirrored that same violent color.

“SHE IS NOT YOURS TO KEEP!” Primus shouted, the new voice he spoke in dripping with anger and fury. Eren stumbled back and hit the ground as the red energy grew larger and larger, towering as tall as the glowing trees in the paths. Zeke crawled backwards as Eren was frozen by his own fear. Shit! Shit!

Now when it comes to EreMika ship and chapter 139 as a whole, I think I've expressed my disappointment with it quite a few times. Mainly due to the fact that Mikasa's main character motivation has always been tied to Eren and even though he has committed mass genocide, she still thinks of him fondly...which...she shouldn't.

Meanwhile Eren's feelings for Mikasa, at least in the manga felt like it came out of nowhere. Seasons 1-3 never really showed Eren having any romantic feelings for Mikasa. Time skip didn't really do him any favors as Eren told Mikasa he hated her out of justification for protecting her. Scenes with Eren and Mikasa could arguably not be romantic, and Eren's tantrum in chapter 139, despite it being before the final battle, definitely felt off. I've heard the arguments before, saying that Eren was just holding his feelings in because of his visions of the future. But it felt like he valued activating the Rumbling and trampling the whole world more than what his friends felt.

What I wanted to do was show a few more subtle scenes of how Eren felt towards Mikasa throughout AOP. Eren keeping and still wearing the red bracelet that Mikasa got from Hizuru for him. Eren saying he'll always need Mikasa even after he was able to take on Arcee and Wheeljack in a fight. Eren thinking that Mikasa looked beautiful when they were all free falling in Moving Forward. It's small, but it's substance that's there.

So when we get to Primus confronting Eren, he ends up bringing Mikasa for obvious reasons. The deity has seen both Eren and Mikasa's memories, even bringing up one of Mikasa's conversations with Megatron in Hizuru about her deepest desires. And Primus, rightfully so, calls Eren out for his vile behavior towards Mikasa, even though Eren does believe he loves her.

“She loves you,” Primus declared in the woman’s voice as he glared at Eren in anger, “She adores you. She would give everything in the world for you. You knew this fact. You abused her devotion and love for you and shut her out! Lied to her about everything! You were selfish to her! And somehow you mix your selfish nature towards her as love!”

Zeke was completely shocked. Wait, Eren loved her back?! Zeke noticed the dread on Eren’s face, like his biggest secret had been revealed.

“I-I,” Eren stuttered, “I don’t-,”

Primus grabbed and yanked on Eren’s arm and pulled up his sleeve, revealing the red bracelet.

“You haven’t taken this off,” Primus declared, the energy morphing into the woman’s colors once again, “This is the gift she gave you long ago, and you made the effort to maintain it.”

Adding onto this, I've brought up the fact that the Primes are speaking through Primus, and if you've read the Covenant of Primus or at least seen the appearances of the other Primes, the color coating will determine who is speaking. At this moment, it is Solus who speaks, the first half of a tragic love story that ended with her life. She has dealt with stubborn fools, mainly the other Primes, and is sick of Eren lying and manipulating Mikasa's feelings for him. Eren tries to deny it, leading Onyx to throw in his say and reminding him that he has seen and felt what Eren has felt. This is also important because Onyx has also loved Solus and lost the will to live when he learned she had died. When Eren finally does confess his feelings, it's in the same manner as he did in chapter 139. It's selfish, it's possessive, it's a tantrum.

“That doesn’t prove I love her,” Eren declared.

“You forget that I see in your spark!” Primus reminded in the gruff voice, the orange wings sprouting into the air and stabbing the ground next to him, “So enough with your lies!”

Eren growled in response, yanking his arm out of the god’s grip. “Fine! I do love her! She’s one of the few people I have left! And even if she outlived me, I wouldn’t want her to move on with someone else! I would rather have her only have feeling for me than anyone else!”*

And when Eren does, Primus taps into his rage, and Megatronus, the other half of the tragic love story is the one that takes control. The one who let his anger get the best of him. The one who's rage blinded him and caused him to kill Solus. The one who lived the rest of his life in regret, is now seeing Eren, acting like him: a selfish, possessive fool who's actions will lead to death and destruction. Megatronus' energy spills out and nearly consumes Primus. And the deity shouts the line:

SHE IS NOT YOURS TO KEEP!

Is this technically anti-eremika?…probably. I’ve always been iffy about that ship.

[liquorisce]

What’s do u think of friends with benefits EreMika? They both think the other wants no strings attached and keep denying their feelings despite the chemistry and jealousy (and poor Armin is just there like… Besties please just be hOnest)

I wonder if armin would be devious enough to try something to rile them up 😈😈 like ask Mikasa out as a plus one to one of his phd social events. Maybe drop some vague comments to Eren, like, “well I’d always wanted someone like her to accompany me to these events. You know, someone smart.”

“You’ve thought of about taking her out before?”

“I mean,” Armin shrugs, “I’ve always thought she was pretty.”

All the while knowing perfectly well how crazy this makes Eren. 🤭 Mikasa has no idea, she thinks she’s just going with him as a friend (which is true). Makes fun of him when he stares at the small blonde girl in his undergraduate class a bit too long.

Mikasa probably goes home to Eren, anyway, thinking they could probably have a good fuck before bed, but Eren’s agitated as shit and a little bit drunk, throwing one too many mean comments her way.

“Did you have a good time, Mikasa?”

“Well the food was quite average. There was ice cream though. You know how I feel about ice cream.”

“Right, of course. That’s why you went. For the ice cream.”

She looks at him, confused. “No that’s not why I went to this. Obviously I went for Armin. I wouldn’t spend an hour getting ready just for kwality walls ice cream.” She’s taking her clothes off already. “It would have to be Häagen-Dazs at minimum.”

He’s distracted the entire time he fucks her, agitated and upset about something she can’t tell what, but it’s hard to think about when he slings his leg over her shoulder and fucks her so hard she can’t really think about anything at all. After he’s made her cum twice, and he’s still fired up, eyes wild with something she doesn’t understand, he says, “Clung to his arm all evening, but still came back to me didn’tcha? He doesn’t make you feel like this.” He reaches down to rub at her overstimulated clit, pulling out a choked sob from her lips. “He never will.”

The words feel distant as he pants it against her neck, breath wet and hot against her skin. But after he pulls out and spills all over her back, the words linger, seeping into her stream of consciousness slowly.

Eren pulls at some tissues, wiping her back gingerly, strangely quiet. “Sorry if I was too rough with you,” he says thickly.

As he’s about to turn and head to the bathroom to wash up, she pulls on his wrist, turning him back to face her. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Eren,” she says, trying to be gentle. “You’re always rough with me. And you never apologise for it.”

“Well here’s your damn apology, sorry if it’s a few months too late.”

Mikasa is unprepared for the anger that clouds his features. “I don’t need an apology, Eren. I like it. You like it. I thought we knew that already.”

He turns away, irritated. “What’s going on with you?”

“What’s going on with me?”

“Yes! Why are you behaving like a fucking asshole literally two minutes after being inside of me?? And you know what, while we’re at it, what the fuck were you saying back there? Who doesn’t make me feel like this?”

“Forget it, Mikasa—“

“No, I won’t. You know I’m not sleeping with else. That’s what we agreed—“

“You went to a fucking gala with him, for fuck’s sake. As his date—“

“As a plus one—“

“You never go anywhere with me. Just sneak into my room after midnight and into my bed. Guess that’s all I’m good for, huh?”

Mikasa’s eyes widen. The room is deadly silent. “Are you using me, Mikasa? Is that it?”

Shaking, she murmurs. “Are you hearing yourself, Eren—“

“Answer the question.”

Mikasa scrambles for her clothes, sick of this entire scene. She’d stomped over her own heart for months, telling herself it didn’t matter if her own feelings got caught up in this, Eren wasn’t looking for anything serious. This was a nice thing. She didn’t want to ruin it.

And now here he is accusing her of using him??

“And now you’re leaving. Classic—“

“You never ASK ME TO GO ANYWHERE! He did! And as a friend, if you ever bothered to ask for the details.”

“Right.” He sneers. “And you would come with me if I asked you—“

“I WOULD,” she yells. “And I know it’s shocking because you’re a dick, but I would go anywhere you ask me to, if you’d just fucking ask. But you never do.”

She lets that hang in the air, cheeks hot with her confession, eyes filled with unshed angry tears.

Eren’s gaze softens, his brows furrow, he looks at her confused. “You would?”

She nods, half dressed, half insane because she didn’t know why this even came up. But the way he looked at her right now made her feel something fuzzy in her chest, something like hope.

“Im an idiot,” Eren murmurs, sounding a little bit awestruck.

“You are,” Mikasa confirms, sounding mostly relieved that they aren’t yelling at each other anymore.

He looks at her sheepishly. “Don’t put your clothes on, Mikasa. Please.”

“Are you fucking for real, Eren?”

“I want to hear you say that again. That you’ll go anywhere I ask you to.” He crowds her against the wall, his nose nudging hers playfully. “But when you’re not angry with me.”

“Maybe if you ask me out properly I might consider it.”

[jjkeremika]

To My Poison: My God You're Intoxicating

Description: Eren's finally a highly respected spy and assassin, and he now manages requests varying from "acquire this document" to "target moles inside the Garrison regiment." His next assignment was requested by the Paradis government: "Kill the head of the Ackerman family." Underneath that read: "Best way in is through only daughter." So, step one is essentially get a girlfriend? Eren scoffed and accepted the request. Easy.

tl;dr: Erens an assassin and Mikasa is the daughter of the person hes targeting.

universe: assassin/aristocrat's daughter

EreMika one shot (eh ig it might be a little long to call it short story)

Eren's finally a highly respected spy and assassin, and he now managed requests varying from "acquire this document" to "target moles inside the Garrison regiment."

His next assignment was requested by the Paradis government (as most are): "Kill the head of the Ackerman family." Underneath that read: "Best way in is through only daughter."

Interesting, he thought. I've never done anything like this before. He re-read the request multiple times. So, step one is essentially get a girlfriend? Eren scoffed and accepted the request. Easy.

******

"This could be a long one," his commander Levi told him. "Also, sounds like you need to charm a girl. You don't have a charming bone in your body."

Eren tried to shove Levi's side as they walked but he had dodged out of the way. Damn those reflexes. Eren stumbled as he caught his balance.

Eren stopped walking. "My main questions are: How do I meet them and how should I kill him?" He stared at Levi.

"The family is holding a celebratory event for the opening of a new rail system. Sasha and Connie will prep you on the information beforehand. As for your second question..." Levi paused and turned around. "Use your own head for once," he said before starting to walk away. He managed to get about 10 steps away when Eren called for him to wait.

Eren jogged to catch up. Levi continued to walk, so Eren had to walk alongside him as he spoke.

"My guess is it will take about 3 months to 'charm' her as you so delicately put it. I can't do anything for the first 5 months or so, otherwise I'm the immediate suspect. Ideally by the 7th to 8th month someone new will have entered the family's lives and then we can mobilize," Eren explained, actually feeling quite proud of himself. The look on Levi's face told Eren that he was impressed as well, even though he'd never say it aloud.

"Mobilize how?"

Eren was slightly out of breath. "Probably poison. Small doses over a longer period of time. It'll look like he just fell ill and keeled over."

"How long do you stay after?"

A puzzled look formed on his face. "What do you mean?"

"You do realize it's also suspicious if, as soon as the plan is motion and the result is near or has occurred, you suddenly disappear without a trace. You should plan to be away for at least 1 year. Paradis wants it dealt with by 4 years from now, so that's how long they anticipate it to take."

Levi turned to face Eren and stared him dead in the eyes. Eren shifted, it always made him uneasy.

"Use your real name so they can find some record of you. Do not screw up. They are an incredibly gifted and secretive family." Levi left Eren behind, standing as he processed all the information.

Gifted?

************

He kept telling himself the payout was big and that's why he signed up. He was starting to regret it now; he's never been on an assignment longer than 8 months. Now he has to go undercover for potentially 4 years?

He was thankful to have spoken with his captain prior to departing the office. The thought of staying passed the completion of the mission did not even occur to him.

He was right, it would be suspicious to break things off or disappear immediately. He’d have to spend the next few weeks preparing and planning out his next few years, accounting for any and every possibility.

He mentally prepped himself for the time length and started reading the guides on "How to be a boyfriend" that Armin had supplied him. Little shit. He was right, though. Eren didn't know the first thing about it.

****************

The mansion was larger than anything he'd ever seen before. He admired it in his head and maintained a neutral expression. He can't risk looking out of place by gawking at furniture worth more than his own team's budget.

"Your first goal is to locate Mikasa Ackerman and introduce yourself. Ideally you charm her enough that she invites you back, but we doubt that will happen so that's actually Plan C," Jean reported to Eren.

He had grown his hair out to hide his ear pieces. Eren could hear his informants, they could hear his surroundings, and they could speak to him. The only downside is he can't speak to them.

"She's extraordinarily beautiful, so make that your opening statement," Jean added. Eren rolled his eyes. Jean was obsessed with her ever since they started the case. "Remember, Eren, it's not too late to have someone switch with you."

He ignored Jean and scanned the room for Mikasa.

"Target spotted: she's in a sparkling long fitted black dress near the spiral staircase with the metal rods and wooden railing that has tinsel all over it," Connie stated.

"Wow, she really does look great," Jean chimed in, probably looking over Connie's shoulder at the camera. Eren rolled his eyes and made his way through the crowd of people.

She was still there by the time he had arrived. She was enveloped in a conversation that she didn't look too thrilled to be in. He contemplated how to approach her and remained out of eyesight until the man had walked away and she was alone again.

Eren quickly moved. He maneuvered over and stopped in front of her. She had caught him walking over, but looked confused, as if she were trying to remember if she'd met him before.

He held his hand out, motioning for her to place her gloved hand in his. She did and he bent down graciously to lightly kiss her knuckles. She giggled slightly.

"My name is Eren Jaeger. Forgive me for the abrupt introduction. I've only ever dreamed of meeting a woman that makes the sun melt."

She blushed slightly at the compliment and covered her mouth with her other hand to suppress another giggle. "That's very kind of you to say. Please accept my most gracious thanks."

"EH? Why's she talking all so-fish-tic-aided?" Connie asked loudly. Eren carefully watched her face to see if there was any reaction to the noise. They were in the clear.

He was still holding her hand. "No gratitude necessary. The pleasure is wholly mine." Her cheeks were still pink. "Shall we maybe take a walk?"

She looked around the room and upstairs before pondering the offer. She hesitated before saying, "A walk sounds lovely. There's a garden outside currently in bloom."

"By all means, lead the way," Eren gestured for her to walk first, which she did after giving a nod in gratitude.

They wandered through the garden, talking about nothing important as to not draw suspicion off the bat. He asked about her, she asked about him, they talked about the flowers and the garden. It was unimportant conversation for a very important task.

It had to start this way. A stranger entering the life of the daughter of a very, very powerful man while the threat of war looms? He needed to be on his guard. If her father didn’t trust her, he may already be under surveillance right now.

He continued the small talk, having Jean and Connie churning out conversation topics and compliments. Realistically, he handled most of the conversation himself while they argued over which one to pick.

Against all bets against him, she asked to see him again that night.

He graciously accepted and agreed to meet at the city center. He had no idea where that was, but Connie and Jean were already searching for the meeting spot as she said it.

After one month of meeting twice a week and another month of meeting three to four, Eren asked if it was alright to court her, which she said was a decision made by her father, but she would schedule the introduction.

The day came faster than expected. Connie, Jean, and Levi spent the past two weeks cramming information into his brain. It was high stakes; if he slipped up this man has all the power and authority to get rid of him and make it so that he never existed in the first place (which would be good for his career if he weren’t dead).

Additionally, there was the risk his team may be discovered and that Paradis was responsible. Tensions are already high, so there’s no doubt it’ll spark a war when the Azumabito discover Paradis tried to assassinate the president’s most crucial partner.

And he was all on his own tonight. They couldn’t risk an earpiece being seen or heard.

It was a dinner at a place he’d never heard of (no surprise there). Even the cuisine seemed odd to him. But he ate and praised the dishes, and he slipped compliments for Mikasa and her mother into many conversations. Family was an important value for her father, so it was essential to appeal to that whenever possible.

It was difficult to relate to as Eren had no immediate family. At least that he knew of. As far as he was concerned, the family value was a way of life he didn’t subscribe to.

Mikasa held his hand as they walked into the restaurant. Again, Eren admired in his head and remained neutral externally. This place was also worth more than his life.

While preparing Eren, Mikasa had informed of some interesting personality traits and stories that were previously unknown. Combined with the information they already knew, he’d practiced to become his favorite son already.

Which didn't necessarily go according to plan. Nothing notable happened, and he mostly held his own during the dinner, with a little help from Mikasa here or there. The dinner itself was fine, and the response to courting was simply: "This is our first time meeting; allow me to see you more… unprepared."

To which Eren assumed he was now being watched… if not already.

********

His assumptions were proven correct when he noticed the same people everywhere: At the grocery store, at the coffee shops, at restaurants, at work (well, fake work). Whether he was with Mikasa or alone, they were always there.

They were inconspicuous, but when you’re tailing someone that’s exactly what you want. Eren could feel the eyes on him as he walked, and had enough training and practice on deciphering normal versus trying to be normal.

At the coffee shop they frequented, Eren noticed the same barista each time. When they went to a different coffee shop, same barista. A third shop in a different town, same barista.

He said nothing to her about it, but he wondered if she ever noticed. Maybe she was just used to it? If there are people following her around constantly, it's possible they may already have some intel about meeting locations or exchanging information.

It almost felt worse when she wasn’t with him, like her father was really only interested in who he was behind closed doors. Though, it did make him wonder if maybe he believed Mikasa was gathering information too.

He didn’t want to doubt her. He’s developed maybe too personal of a relationship with her; he keeps finding himself looking for excuses to be with her at work. He temporarily stopped actively collecting information, and he received an onslaught of questions urging for updates.

Eren told them he was attracting attention and paused to lay low. Mr Ackerman was an incredibly cautious man— it could be months before he could collect information in confidence. Stakes were too high to get hasty.

Reluctantly, his team agreed, so for now he laid low, gathering information on the best day spots in the area and nicest grocery store.

*******

It’d been eight months since the start of the mission when Eren finally received permission to court Mikasa. Interestingly enough, it took only two months following that for Mr Ackerman to declare Eren as her sole suitor.

Mikasa was quite thrilled both times, maintaining her excitement under a calm expression in the open but jumping up and down and kissing all over Eren in private.

Eren couldn’t deny that he was also quite excited at both the news and her reaction. Originally, he felt relatively neutral to any updates—feelings of upset and joy came only with respect to case progress—but things have changed since then.

It was easy at first to negate her as nothing more than an objective; a task necessary to achieve his final goal. Despite spending time with her and even becoming more physically intimate with her (a kiss here or there), a reminder that she was the daughter of his birth nation’s enemy kept his emotions at bay.

Month five, his birthday happened and a flip switched. He wasn’t sure how she found out—probably through her father or some national informant—but she had arrived at his house holding a tiny white cat.

“I found her in a box on a walk. So I brought her to the most caring person I know,” she had said with the tiniest smile. Something bubbled in his stomach that he couldn’t name. He felt a wave of a powerful emotion that left him almost producing tears. No one had ever smiled at him like that before. He didn’t think any facial expression could affect him so much.

The image of her bundled in a coat holding a fluffy white cat with snow falling behind her imprinted in his memory. Her cheeks were Eren’s new favorite shade of pink, her eyes a stark contrast to her pale winter skin, snowflakes shining in her hair. The entire sight was ethereal.

He had welcomed her and the cat in, and as of then he became a cat parent to little Snowflake. She had placed the cat down to explore and he pulled her in close, closer than he had ever before; admired her in a way he hadn’t before, a way he never thought he ever could. He savored their kiss that day, and for the first time it didn’t feel like enough.

He never told his team of this because he knew the danger of it all. He hadn’t told her his birthday or address, but could he really remember ever detail he’s told her? Lies are always founded in some truth, so he could’ve used the location or the event to ground something in conversation. But her father is so very powerful and so very cautious, it’s possible he has informants that even Mikasa knows about. Which begged even more concerning questions: did she employ them? What did she know? What was she trying to know? What was he to her?

Month eight, Mikasa and her maiden Historia snuck Eren into the mansion after midnight. After Mikasa had fallen asleep, he took the opportunity to roam the halls. Any information would be good information, he told himself.

He had just entered Mr Ackerman’s office when a voice startled him from behind. There Mr Ackerman stood in all his pride and glory.

Eren had calmly apologized, explaining that he was there out of infatuation for his daughter.

“And my office?” he grumbled. He looked groggy, but not in the same sense that he was just awoken.

“My sincerest apologies. I do not know which door is hers.” Eren bent at the waist, bowing out of respect. He was nervous; did he really just blow the mission for an ultimately unnecessary meeting?

He looked up when he heard thundering laughter. Mr Ackerman stepped forward and patted Eren’s shoulder.

“Stand up, boy.” Eren stood and they met eye-to-eye. His stare no longer felt scrutinizing, but it still made Eren feel small. “I remember doing the same for her mother.” He looked off in the distance for a moment before returning his attention to Eren. “You have my permission to court her.”

Eren thanked him appropriately before exiting the office. He could feel the heat of Mr Ackerman’s stare on his back. Every move felt even more important with each step.

Before walking away in the direction he knew to go, he turned around and asked: “Could you kindly tell me which room is hers?”

Eren woke her up to tell her the news, and she immediately perked up, tackling him onto the bed into a hug and pressing soft kisses all over his face.

When she stopped peppering him with kisses she stared into his eyes. Eren’s mind was racing with millions of thoughts on one subject: her. His heart was racing as fast as his thoughts and he was so very aware of how fast the blood was pumping, how little space was between them, how much space was between them.

It all became too much to bear and he wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her closer. Their lips meshed together. They’d kissed before, but it felt fundamentally different this time. He couldn’t explain why he did it, he just felt an overwhelming urge to. He’d mentioned the courting information to his team, but never elaborated on how it came up. He’d keep those secrets to himself.

Eren thought about that night a lot. The way their bodies tangled together, the way no clothes were removed but they still felt hopelessly naked and vulnerable, the way they ached to be closer where there was no more space in between, the way she felt so extremely strong but each touch was so inconceivably delicate.

Each time she had pulled away he moved his head after her, chasing the comfort of her lips, craving her. He thought of her when she wasn’t around, wondering about places to take her and things to say. Slowly and slowly his thoughts of the case were replaced with thoughts of her.

Nothing changed per se the night Mr Ackerman permitted Eren as her sole suitor. The same feeling of ecstasy surfaced at the news, and he found his mouth and mind roaming across Mikasa’s body while they kissed. He started wondering if she thought the same things.

********

On the anniversary of the day the case started, Eren was called into headquarters. Upon entering the car, multiple other identical cars drove in convoluted ways to confuse any observers. He wore a disguise while heading inside.

Levi and Erwin were surprisingly waiting for him by the door, which caught him off guard. Usually they’re already in the office.

“Forgive us for excluding pleasantries today,” Erwin stated. For a commander, he was always polite and respectful to anyone, equal or subordinate. “We have some concerning information for you.”

Erwin headed down the hall while Levi and Eren followed close behind.

“You seem to be close with Mikasa,” Levi started. Eren had prepared for this part. “How much have you learned?”

“About her? Enough. About her family?” He sighed. “Someone’s always around everywhere, so I’ve been caught wandering repeatedly. And I recognize multiple people everywhere in public, alone and with Mikasa.” His heart leapt at her name.

Erwin hummed. “I figured that would be the case. Wandering suspiciously?”

“As far as I know, unlikely.”

Erwin hummed again. “That’s good to hear.” They stopped walking in an office, Erwin sat opposite Eren across the desk. Levi stood near Eren, arms crossed. “Assignment has changed a little bit. Now that you’re inside, Paradis decided that information may be more valuable than his death right now. We’re sending in additional chains of informants that will ultimately report to you. We will issue a report to you of names and occupations. Understood?”

Eren nodded. Erwin relaxed into the chair and smiled.

“Now, onto other business. Can we give you some advice on being a boyfriend?”

Eren’s mouth dropped and he felt both confused and embarrassed. “Huh?!”

Levi dropped pictures of him and Mikasa in public.

“You were right about them having people following you; we apprehended a few who eventually confessed. You should really be a bit more affectionate, especially at this point. Right, Levi?”

Levi sighed, practically glaring at Eren, like he could see right through him, could read him like a book. “Don’t let us down.”

****smutty-ish****

Two weeks later, Eren was invited to her house for the night. It had been the first time he’d been formally invited—as in, father approved. This worked in his favor; his presence in the house was to be expected

Additionally, a few family dinners ago Eren had mentioned that he had issues sleeping and often walked around aimlessly. They had been discussing the art in the mansion, and he said that would keep him entranced for hours. Mikasa’s mother was particularly happy with that. If he were to be caught, it would not be surprising.

Eren was prepared to hide away in the shadows of hallways and rooms and to pick through piles and piles of potential information. He was also prepared to stay with Mikasa for her to fall asleep first.

They were lying in her bed, under the covers and ready for rest. She was talking, but Eren had too much in his head to hear what she said. He had a job to do after all and she was just part of that job. He had to know that.

So when she finally tilted her head to make eye contact with him, kissing her desperately was just a part of the job. With one hand around her neck and the other at her hip, guiding for her to lay on top, he forcefully thought, this is part of the job.

She straddled his hips and both hands instantly roamed her sides and thighs. He relished in the giggles and squeaks she’d release when he pinched and grabbed at the skin on her thighs and bum.

She pulled him so he was sitting upright and pressed his warm toned body to hers. She wrapped one arm around his neck and the second hand wrapped into his hair.

Her hands soon roamed to the bottom of his shirt, touching the warmth of his sculpted abs and enjoying the way his skin bumped slightly at her touch. She sighed as he pulled away then hummed happily when he removed his shirt. She put her hands on his chest and let her eyes roam his toned, muscular body.

His stomach leapt as he started to kiss her neck, and he hummed when she tilted her head away to provide him easier access. The light soft kisses settled inside her, piling up like a bankroll she can cash in when he’s not there.

Her robe started to slip off her shoulders. She subconsciously shrugged it off, revealing a silky lingerie top, feeling both exposed and strangely protected. His touch felt electrifying and safe.

He kissed down her chest and began to lean over her until she was laying on her back against the mattress. He embraced every bump and valley of her skin, pleasuring each with a slight kiss and some a little nip.

He returned back to her lips and kissed her more feverishly this time. His bottom half was aching for her. Each time he looked at her the feelings grew deeper, stronger; each time he found his new favorite shade of pink in her cheeks.

He left trails of kisses along her body, starting from different spots but all ending just below her naval. He looked up at her, hands on the undersides of her thighs, his head between them. He was practically begging for her to say yes, and when she nodded, she could feel the smile on his face as he pushed her up slightly and buried his face between her thighs.

**********

Year two of the mission was fast approaching and Eren was at a standstill. Levi told him to utilize his resources, and by his undertone, Eren knew he was talking about Mikasa. But at the same time, he could no longer deny how he felt for her, how attached to her he’d become. He didn’t even care if she was complicit.

And he knew that Levi knew that.

He became a spy because he had no attachments to anyone. No social responsibilities, no one to care about or for. He never imagined that that statement would become untrue.

He’d discovered plenty of useful information from wandering the mansion and utilizing other spies. He wondered if that alone could be enough.

******

One month into year two, Mr Ackerman pulled Eren into his office. They sat down, Eren across from him, practically sinking into the chair.

To say he was nervous was an understatement. He held his composure thanks to years of training, but inside he was crumbling like a rotten log.

He handed Eren a stack of photos.

“What are these?” he asked as he quickly flipped through the stack. “Why are you showing me photos of random people?”

Mr Ackerman smirked. “Ah, but they are not simply random people, are they?” He handed Eren another stack. “You don’t recognize anyone?”

Eren took the stack confidently and flipped through it once before placing it on the other stack. “Nope.”

Of course he did. Some were the people that followed him around and some were his informants. He wondered where this man was going with this.

He handed Eren a final stack. His gut sank as he looked at the first one: a clear shot of him with multiple of the informants in the other stacks. The second was him with Mikasa at a restaurant, with more of the informants on both sides from the previous photo stacks.

“You see, these are merely people trying to appear as random. I recognize some and others I do not. I imagine you’re the same.” He gestured to the stack in his lap.

Eren remained quiet and kept his composure, allowing the man to speak. His mind was reeling with possibilities of what was bound to happen next, and he couldn’t tell what he feared losing the most.

“Considering your relationship with my daughter and the sensitive nature of our family name, I worried that you were simply taking advantage of her. Know many others have tried in the past, mind you. As such, I… reallocated some of my men to… observe you. It seems you noticed in the end. Even took some action in the end.”

He took a deep sigh, and Eren used the opportunity to take a deep breath to calm his nerves.

“So, I decided to come out of the shadows. My team is ranked higher than even the military; someone who is capable of detecting even one of them is quite remarkable. Let alone someone who knows and is liked by my daughter.”

He felt sincere. Threatening yet caring.

“Now allow me to be as explicit as possible. I have only two conditions for you to have my blessing to marry my daughter at your own discretion: one, you act as my personal informant; two, you protect my daughter at all costs. Including your life.”

Eren stared dumbfounded at the larger man as he processed what he had just said. Marry? Personal informant?

He accepted, disclosing that the time must be right and that he greatly appreciates his blessing. Ackerman nodded and asked him to leave, to say nothing to anyone.

As he walked back to his room, he considered the offer. It felt almost like a set-up, like any information given to him in the future that he passed on would be false, clearly outlining him as the leak. Mikasa would be devastated.

He wondered if he’d accepted too quickly, or if he should inform headquarters. He wondered what they would tell him; what Levi would do. He didn’t want to involve her anymore than he already had, but if he had no other options…

He could try to confirm the information with others or even Mikasa prior to handing it off, or even waiting a couple weeks to pass it on. Still, if it’s false and gets back to him, Mikasa would be devastated.

Oh, and he’d probably be executed.

Normally he would rush to tell headquarters, but he had to prepare for the option that it was a trap. If he left now or asked for a phone call, he would immediately attract suspicion. The next few weeks are crucial. He’d have to inform headquarters another day.

He entered Mikasa’s room to find her reading a book. He wandered over and she pulled him in for a kiss. Eren instantly melted into her touch.

********

Headquarters was about to mobilize when Eren first hesitated.

Everyone was standing around the round table, multiple maps and procedures and sheets of information spread out, each carefully listening to Commander Pyxis and Erwin’s orders.

They had pointed to Eren, re-iterating the importance of slipping the poison into his wine at the engagement party. He hadn’t responded until specifically called out.

“I think we should wait.”

Pyxis looked him up and down. “You will do as you are told.”

He wasn’t invited back to the next meeting. He never received any information following that day.

The engagement party came, and at the back of his mind existed the thought of the poison in the wine. He couldn’t figure out if it would even matter, the dosages would be so low. His engagement party was the perfect excuse to start. Would they really be willing to sacrifice their star spy too?

He watched as Mikasa picked up her first glass after dancing. It was all in slow motion, watching her pick it up, and then it was all over so fast.

Eren’s hand was covering the glass just as it neared her mouth. She didn’t verbally question him, but he could tell she was asking why she couldn’t drink the wine.

He couldn’t explain why he said what he said.

“My apologies. I was… recently prematurely reading a pregnancy book and must’ve subconsciously picked up the habit.”

Now it was out there.

And her father was standing right there.

And he wondered if he should just tell him the truth.

********

His mouth still tasted of her when he said it. He was lying next to her, holding her tightly, like she could slip away any moment, when he said it. Time was frozen for so long when he said it.

He couldn’t help himself. It was eating away at him inside; the feeling of constant betrayal. Normally he would’ve been fine, but it was her, and he had complex feelings and thoughts that felt so simple but were so complex to think about and he just told her.

“There might’ve been poison in the wine. That’s why I prevented you from drinking it. Please don’t ask me how I know that because we both know you won’t like the answer. I just couldn’t let you drink it. I made up an excuse in front of everyone, because… I… But, I, I can’t… keep hiding from you.”

Now there they laid. Naked, vulnerable, open, raw.

It was a positive sign she hadn’t immediately moved away, repulsed and disgusted by him. Revolted by who he turned out to be. But she was still silent. Thinking. Considering… Considering him.

He hadn’t been this nervous since her father confronted him in the office. It was different this time, though. He wasn’t nervous about being exposed, about losing his life. He was nervous because she was likely going to leave him, about losing his future.

“I know where I recognize you from now,” she said after what felt like forever, sitting up and staring at him. “You work with my cousin.”

She stood up, went over to her desk and started to rifle through some drawers. After a few minutes of rustling she returned with a picture and a card in hand.

Eren was shocked into silence by the picture. It wasn’t that recent, maybe taken in the past six years or so. Regardless, not much had changed at the department in those years. He stared at each face in the photo. His whole team. Many people he recognized from the photo stacks that day. He wondered how many of these her father had.

Eren took the card and opened it, staring right at the signed name.

“Levi’s your cousin?” Eren finally asked.

She nodded. “We all thought he met some girl and ran off to paradise, and then he sent me this, saying he started working for my father and is actually at Paradis working on long term assignment.”

“Long term assignment…” Eren echoed. His mind was reeling. He kind of couldn’t believe this was happening.

He looked up at her, his eyes were rounded and pleading, almost like a puppy. His first question wasn’t one she was expecting.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked quietly. His stomach dropped like a thousands weights at the thought of being told to leave. At that moment, he was regretting the very career that brought them together just to tear them apart.

To his surprise she shook her hand and picked up one of his hands in one of hers and rested the other against his cheek.

“You didn’t let me drink it,” was all she said. Then she softly brushed one thumb against his cheek.

The kiss was different. It didn’t feel as heavy as before. Eren didn’t feel as guilty as before.

***********

Everything was conflicting. Eren wondered if he should inform the team or not, whether or not the information really mattered or would change anything.

Even without the Levi knowledge, he still stayed awake as Mikasa slept soundly beside him, wondering how much of it was even still worth anything anymore.

He now had what he never thought he would. At first he believed strongly in his cause, but now his focus had since shifted. He didn’t really care about Paradis anymore. He didn’t really care about any particular place. He only cared about Mikasa, and wherever she wanted to be.

Something clicked into place on the wedding day. The way his eyes welled up as he watched her walk down the aisle, the way his heart swelled when he made eye contact with her, the way his stomach leapt at her smile, the way she was the most gorgeous woman in the world.

Only then did he know what to do.

***********

He was standing in Mr Ackerman’s office. Being in his office felt different now. Not only was this the first time as his son-in-law, but it was also the time when he would have to expose the truth.

“Did you really believe I had no connections on the other side?” Ackerman asked rhetorically. “On the inside?”

Eren hid his right hand behind his back; he was visibly shaking. He’d lost his skills. Or maybe he just didn’t care anymore.

“Regardless, I had intended to use you from the start. Everyone knew the whole plan; we all knew the face to look out for. I expected to fool you much earlier on, though. That’s when I realized you were above the rest.”

“You kept me close,” Eren mumbled, connecting the dots. The extensive time between meeting and courting, gathering information on patterns, looking for slip-ups. Then there was the little time between courting and official partnership. Little time to engagement.

“Now… why did I never kill you? I know people like you. I know people who go into your line of work: no family, no friends, no time, no joy. Given even a semblance of that, I’d hoped you’d crack.” He paused. “I know, it’s a little cruel to use my daughter like that. But, as long as she never knows.” He cracked his knuckles. “Anyway, at the engagement party…”

Eren was surprised. They had nothing until then?

“Only I knew the original wine had been tainted. So I switched the wine out at the last minute, and nobody would’ve known... Except… somehow you knew.”

Eren gulped. He wondered if Mikasa played a conscious role in this or if she was played the same as him.

“I have to say, I’m thoroughly impressed by your espionage skills. If only you had been more useful to me.”

Eren berated himself for losing his composure like this.

Mr Ackerman finally stood from the chair and walked to the other side of the desk, leaning against the edge. He towered over Eren, who sat quietly and nervously in the wooden chair. Eren met his gaze, ready to hear his death sentence.

“But you saved my daughter.”

Tears threatened to form in Eren’s eyes so he bit the inside of his lips.

Ackerman sighed. “I don’t know where your allegiance lies, but as long as you continue to protect my daughter, I guess I don’t really care.”

Eren stood up and his mouth opened before he could think. “I don’t know where my political allegiance lies; I don’t know if I ever will or care to find out. But I know I don’t want that life anymore. I don’t want this occupation anymore. I want whatever Mika wants, and I want to live wherever she is, and I want to protect her every single day for the rest of my life. I want her to love me every day. I want to dedicate my life to her. I—”

He felt arms wrap around him from behind, tugging him into them so tightly. He felt wet drops falling onto his back; he felt as they started to seep into his shirt. He pulled the arms off to turn around, finding his beautiful wife.

“Mika…” he whispered so quietly, staring directly into her eyes.

She cupped his cheeks with her hands. “Eren…” she replied in the same whisper. She had tears in her eyes contrasting against the brightest smile he’d ever seen. “Let’s start living at yours. Then we can plan the rest of our lives.”