#how do i change

[themostsensitivegirlintheworld]

Thinking about guilt. And shame. And how it stays with you always and every second. For me, it’s mostly for not doing what I “should” be doing. Walking my dogs, eating a healthy meal, exercising, making plans with friends, not doing chores, opening and closing every form of social media over and over and over all day long. Watching too much TV. Not doing laundry.. (it’s been sitting in the dryer for three days).

I’m constantly filled with some form of shame or guilt. It’s always in the background. Watching me and judging me. I understand that this is part of my major depressive disorder. It doesn’t help. Someone once told me that guilt is a useless emotion. But what’s the “use” of all emotions? Is there a purpose to sadness or anger or happiness?

I’m sure there is some deep-seated trauma that causes me to feel like this but it is so exhausting. The voice always in the back of my mind saying “you should..” or “why aren’t you..” Then I open social media and see everyone doing all of the things. Although it makes me feel worse, I keep doing it. Some sort of self torture? Am I a masochist? I’ve confronted my trauma. When does the guilt and shame go away? When does the constant need for validation and attention go away? I was ignored constantly as a child. That’s the reason that I’m always loud and why I never shut up. I always need to be heard. I yell. I talk over people. I say everything that comes into my head. I’m annoying. I hear myself being annoying. But I don’t stop. I continue until the second I’m alone.. then I hate myself.

How do I stop seeking attention? How do I stop feeling constant guilt? How do I be that quiet mysterious person that everyone listens to when they talk, because they don’t talk ALL THE TIME. I want to be that person so badly. I prep myself before social events to not be “too much.” But it never works.

I constantly worry about what other people think of me or if they’re talking about me. I’m so desperately lonely and insecure and it feels like it will never end. And I’ll always be this way. And if I don’t find a way to live with it, I’ll die.

[cinnamon-grump]

Im tired of being a human can I pls just be aa a swamp monster already

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

I'm as grateful for cellphones as the next person, but sometimes I think about how everyone having a phone on them at all times really did cause us to loose some things as a society. I mean - for example, kids these days will never experience their car breaking down and needing to find the nearest place with a phone they can use. They're never going to have the opportunity to tentatively approach a house only to discover that it's full of queer people having a party hosted by a transvestite to celebrate his creation of a sex homunculus, stay the night, and loose their virginity while unintentionally partaking in cannibalism. It's tragic, that kind of gay sexual awakening just doesn't happen these days because of cellphones.

[humming-fly]

I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever

[professordoctorsecks]

Did you know?

if you find your self loathsome it’s hard for people to love you

[watmalik]

Wolverine being a confirmed boy kisser by Hugh Jackman.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[canonkiller]

but you can't keep holding on like this.

[corviiids]

my top bit of advice going into the new year: compliment people. especially strangers. literally everyone you interact with if you can. when you buy coffee in the morning compliment the barista's tattoos. when you're chatting with a coworker tell them that by the way you like their outfit. always find something they've chosen to do on purpose. nail polish, jewellery, tattoos, hair colour/style, statement accessory, outfit, etc are all good bets. things people hope will be noticed. things that aren't too personal so it doesn't make them uncomfortable (eg probably not their physical features). i've gotten into the habit of scanning everyone i talk to for something about them that i think is cool so i can tell them. it's a great habit because it makes me notice people and realise just how many neat little details there are in people's presentation of themselves that might pass me by if i wasn't paying attention. and it brings out so much joy. you'd be surprised how much it disarms people to receive an unexpected compliment from someone they don't know. it is the most sincere smile you will see all day long. it feels nice to make people happy but it also means you win the social interaction. establish dominance by complimenting a stranger's earrings and disappearing into the fog

[mamawasatesttube]

BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...

[deputiized]

who up shelling they vision

[keplerspacecraftofficial]

electing to believe this is what griddlehark looks like to everyone else

[astraystayyh]

They have since left four premature babies to decompose on their beds. They have since kidnapped, stripped, tortured civilians and tried to frame them as Hamas fighters for their propaganda. They have since shot people at refugee camps execution style. They have since targeted academics and poets and directors. They have since killed 86 journalists. Still no ceasefire.

psa: i know that many of us did NOT doubt this for a second, neither did i. this is targeted at the people who educated themselves for the first time about this genocide and discovered the absolute horrific things that Israel is capable of doing to Palestinians, with the unwavering support of its allies.

[spookberry]

boxy got em 😔

[autumn-may]

Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience

[norumaru]

Some 3rd semester Akeshu drawings. Finally played P5R and I have been changed forever........