#how do I dissect the entire movie?? IDK

[how-to-be-a-tree]

the entire movie is screaming "HEALING" and idk how to pen down my thoughts.

GAAMI (2024)

[itslouisan]

Some of my Rick Prime headcannons!:

btw shout-out to @darkforze and @imaginary-grandpa that inspired some of my hcs!!

Bigger/major headcannons:

- I like to think Prime wasn't ALWAYS what you'd consider a bad person, while I do think a "toxic Prime" might be real, I like to think perhaps some event in his life or even timeline in general was so major and big it impacted him and his view on others as a whole, perhaps maybe HIS Diane didn't love him as much as other Diane's? Perhaps their relationship was strained and close to an end? Idk maybe it wasn't even related to Diane nor Beth but something else entirely? Anyway I just think he wouldn't be BORN "evil", cause in my opinion that'd just make it so bland and flavorless, wasting potential Prime has as a character

- He definitely ISN'T DEAD (shhh I'm not abusing copium here) cause let's be real, dying so easily and barely having that much screentime despite being SO IMPORTANT to the plot of the show? Cause yeah Prime isn't *that* important to the WORLD of Rick and Morty (even though he did invent portal travel, showed it around to other Ricks and yara yara) but to C-137 mainly, but you can't just deny he could be a big plot point, anyway, in my hc he is alive somewhere outside the curve maybe? Or in a total forgotten reality just doing his thing and ignoring everything and everyone, maybe even with a Morty just to see what the appeal was?

- In my opinion if he did interact with our Morty aka HIS grandson, he'd be SO DISAPPOINTED with how Morty is, probably thinking he is a waste of time and resources, a failure, a disgrace to his genes and blood running in him, honestly I think he'd consider if he won against EMorty and C-137 to just spare Morty and make come with him to see if he could "fix" his grandson

- I like to imagine his favorite thing to do is to dissect ANYTHING, probably for Prime the innards and insides are the most interesting part of any creature and he probably dissects and dismembers other Ricks for the sake of satisfaction since they are so "inferior to him" that the only thing they have the SLIGHT semblance is their insides and guts.

- Probably bumped with Unity once and was a TERRIBLE experience for the hive-mind, probably Prime sees a hive-mind as something trivial but also useful, something that he could break and manipulate, which hey after a troublesome meeting with Uni they're not the biggest fan of Prime and get C-137 hatred in a way

- Views his daughter's job as a waste of talent and skill, Beth clearly is smart as FUCK but to Prime her choice of career would only prove to him how much of a "waste" of sperm she truly was, he disconnected himself from his family and original reality he probably wouldn't even CARE that his Beth died, I mean, he probably thought that he could just replace her, if he even cared enough to think that, though a part of me also hcs he did feel something considering that's his real daughter and in a way, a small link he still had to that dimension

Small/silly hcs:

- definitely an MSI fan (his fav songs would be lights out, shut me up and faggots)

- his favorite movie is definitely human centipede.

- 100% haunts C-137 with a hologram of sorts just to rile him up and create issues and conflict between C-137 and others

- a part of me thinks he has a cannibal vibe but more in the type of drinking blood since we SAW that C-137 does have a little cannibal tendency, just imagine Prime mixing wine and blood for a drink

- def hit C-137 with the "why are you so obssesed with me?" Card in one of his traps

- Danganronpa fan 100%, loves to imagine executions.

- in my opinion his fav alcoholic drinks would be Negrone, lime caipirinha and blood Mary

[meraki-yao]

Hi correct me if I’m wrong but I thought I saw you mention that the same intimacy coordinator who worked on rwrb also worked on m&g, if that’s so, why was the intimacy approached differently, it seems rwrb was really toned down and alex and henry are a very passionate couple in the books and nich and taylor can definitely deliver passion and intimacy and it was rated-r so why do you think rwrb was approached differently and rather toned down, I mean what we got was great I’m still so attached to this movie 3 months later and that doesn’t happen often unless I absolutely love the movie or show but I feel like they were holding back and it becomes the question of why, was it n&t choice or matthew and intimacy coordinator or everything was done in how they wanted to tell the story, idk to me you can’t help but notice after the release of the trailer/teaser for m&g, I know it’s a different story and it’s more a drama based on a true story but very different in how they approached intimacy and affection

Okay so this turned into an essay.

I’m gonna dissect your ask into two parts, feel free to send me another ask if I missed something

Q1: Why was the intimacy in RWRB approached differently and less intense than M&G

Q2: Why was the intimacy in RWRB toned down from the book even with an R rating and with Taylor & Nick clearly capable of delivering passion and intimacy, and who was responsible for that

Firstly, yes, Robbie Taylor Hunt was the intimacy coordinator for both RWRB and M&G

Secondly, a little bit of background for M&G to aid my explanation later: While M&G isn’t out yet, I did read George Villiers’ Wikipedia page (Thanks Henry), listen to Nick talk a bit about him from a podcast episode, and watch the trailer. To summarize quickly, King James I has a list of male lovers, Mary Villiers realized her son had potential, so she more or less moulded him into a figure that the King would immensely like. Sex with the King was all for political power: George has sex with the King, and the King enjoys the pleasure he brings and lavishes him with treasures and political power in return. Historical records seem to indicate that the King really did love George as a partner, as odd (and in our modern times, toxic and maybe even “grooming”, George was 21 and the King was 48 when they met) as their relationship was. But the truth is George gained a lot from the King: he ended up one of the highest-ranking members of the court, and the only duke who wasn’t from the royal family.

So to answer your questions:

A1:

It’s mainly because since these are two different stories, the meaning of intimacy is different in each context.

RWRB is a love story. It is about the growth of the romantic relationship between Alex and Henry. Granted, they started with a friends-with-benefits arrangement but from the moment Henry kissed Alex on New Year's they both held mutual, genuine affection towards each other which later grew into love and devotion. This affection doesn’t have an underlying hidden purpose. Their intimacy is a reflection of their genuine feelings towards each other, which is why Paris is so gentle, quiet and soft. That’s the slow comfort of falling in love. Note that in the Paris scene, while it is clear what they’re physically doing, the focus is on their faces. You don’t see much below their waist. Matthew made that choice deliberately: this was an emotional experience for them as much as it was a physical experience. The sex in RWRB shows growing love.

Sex means something entirely different in M&G. To put it in a crude way, George Villiers, under his mother’s order/guidance/manipulation, fucked his way to power. Is there real affection and love between him and any or all of his partners, the King included? We honestly can’t know, because history only records what Geroge wanted to show, but it is incredibly unlikely that he did. Remember how I said there isn't an underlying hidden purpose in Alex and Henry’s affection? That’s not true for George: the hidden purpose is that he wants political power. Sex isn’t love in M&G, it’s entirely power play. And power play is violent and rough and messy, so the sex, as a reflection of that, is portrayed as such as well. Note that in the trailer, we see a lot of the body, but if you look at their faces, which isn’t the focus, he… kinda looks in pain?

A way I see it is in RWRB, Alex and Henry are both giving each other pleasure, as well as their heart. It’s slow, it’s gentle, and it’s respectful: Henry guides Alex in, Alex pays attention to each change on Henry’s face, and only moves when Henry consents, and even then, he moves slowly and the speed later builds up

Now look at the M&G trailer, it’s more like George’s partners are taking pleasure from him. It, at the very least, looks far less mutual than what Alex and Henry have. Geroge gives others pleasure, and in return, he gets political power.

TLDR: RWRB’s intimacy was less intense than that of M&G because intimacy has a different meaning/ symbolism in each story.

A2:

Part of this is because of the limitations of movie storytelling.

A book doesn’t have time limits, a movie does.

If you look at the book, at the beginning of Alex and Henry’s relationship, a lot of the sex was kind of repetitive in a way. Paris and MET for Alex’s birthday were covered in three pages. And both of those Alex compartmentalized as “friendship with benefits”. Aside from the internal monologue of him observing Henry sleeping which can’t be delivered on screen effectively, it’s mostly reiterating the same sentiment from the polo match: they use their international events as escapades to have sex with each other. But put that in the movie and it would take up the limited movie time, time that needs to be used for effective storytelling. The time used for Alex and Henry’s walk in the Paris garden could be used for a montage of all of their kinky sexual shenanigans instead, but if the polo hook-up can establish the intensity of their hooks up in the same way, then that time is better used exploring Henry’s baggage. TLDR: not enough time in regard to the number of times they have sex compared to the book.

The other part is by Matthew’s design.

I don’t remember where I saw/heard it from, either a podcast or an article, where Matthew half-jokingly said people will get bored if it’s just smut all the time. Yes, Alex and Henry are a very passionate couple, as shown by their first hook-up in the movie and the polo scene, but because gay sex in media is mostly portrayed as this wild, sexy frenzy, Matthew also wanted to show that gay sex can be emotionally vulnerable, which is why Paris was so focused on their faces, ergo, their emotions. Matthew wanted it to be something gentle and emotion-focused, so that was his priority in designing the scene.

Also there’s the fact that they’re older in the movie, thus more mature and a little less… hormonal. I think they get to the emotional connection a little earlier than their book counterparts.

A thing to note is that the movie wasn’t aiming for an R rating. In a really good podcast episode with Matthew and Tommy Didario, he even expressed disappointment in MAP for rating the movie R, saying that if it was a straight couple, it most likely wouldn’t have gotten an R rating, and even if we ignore latent homophobia, there’s are films much more violent than RWRB is sexually explicit, yet those films are PG 13.

I agree that if needed, Nick and Taylor can deliver something more intense. They’re clearly comfortable with each other, as seen from the bloopers of Paris morning and the fact that Robbie wasn’t there when they shot the lake scene, yet they were comfortable enough with touching each other and gentle kisses. They’ve also both done more explicit things: Taylor with Minx, Nick with M&G (granted that came later).

But the thing is, the RWRB movie doesn’t exactly… need more, from the storytelling perspective. I might say putting a sexy montage in between Polo and Paris might clarify the timeline a little, but that would still just be little clips of what we’ve already seen in the previous two scenes. And just from what I’ve seen, people who have read the book (myself included) would think it’s toned down, but some YouTube reaction videos from people who haven’t read the book find it really spicy. We book readers just have a comparison.

TLDR: In the movie's story, we didn't really need more sex scenes

Wow, I didn’t intend this to be so long, but I haven’t written a RWRB essay in a hot minute. This was a lot of fun, so thank you for the ask, and I hope I could answer you!

[adamworu]

hii i just wanted to say thank you for the years uve been posting eva and hyper-analyzing the series and kaworu especially .. i found ur blog after watching the series back when the Kaworu Database consisted mostly of soundboards and shit like that and despite my waning interest in the series ive not had the impulse to unfollow u. which is weird for me, because at the ripe age of 26 there’s a lot about nge that doesnt sit right with me anymore.

i got my boyfriend to watch NGE and the rebuilds with me and found myself genuinely ashamed way more than i’d anticipated. the last movie was the nail in the coffin for me specifically because of, let’s face it, the surplus of self-aware asuka fanservice. i was repulsed and denounced my interest in the series entirely. it was difficult to make such a claim because of how important to me the series was (still is, if im being honest) and how pivotal it was to my growth at the time i first watched it.

saw one of your posts on my dash today and went to take a casual look at your blog cuz i was curious as to how you were faring in the sea of eva content after a solid 10 years. looked at one of your posts explaining what nge is at its core and the messages it means to send and How it sends them and found myself falling back into the mindset of “fuck, i missed this shit.”

i appreciate how many years you’ve spent looking at evangelion as a piece of psychological horror, how many years you’ve spent dissecting it under a microscope with 50000x magnification. you’ve been the Only thing that’s brought eva back to the front of my feeble little brain over the past, idk five years or so, and youve now been the reason why i can still appreciate the series despite its flaws. you don’t focus on those flaws and it reads that you do so not because you don’t care, but because they’re obvious and don’t need to be stated. im starting to ramble and im sorry that this ask was long but dming you felt too.. personal despite this message being exactly that.

TL;DR, thank you for analyzing evangelion and kaworu nagisa for many years and singlehandedly reminding me of all the reasons why i enjoyed the series as much as i did when i first watched it. i know your interest in eva is waning, so thank you for what youve given the world over the last 10 years <3

Thank you ever so much! This blog sort of started as a way for me to navigate Eva myself. It's been 10 years and though my passion has fizzled, I still get those visceral feelings of Eva no matter what. It always pulls me in. I still have some of that juice left in me, but mostly I found other source material at the moment I'm highkey obsessed over (I'll give you a hint: cult classic, starts with V, ends with D). It's not all bad. I hope you have a wonderful day :)

[tiffanylamps]

Tag game to better know you

Thank you @katierosefun and @ettelwenailinon for tagging me! You're both so sweet to think of me for this :) what book are you currently reading? i suck at sticking to books, but at the moment, I'm making my way through Vermeer by Norbert Schneider. Vermeer is one of my favourite artists, so I enjoy reading about his work. (The Milkmaid is my favourite painting of his).

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? i don't thiiiiiiink I've been to the cinema this year. But my favourite film I've seen this year is The Merciless (2017).

what do you usually wear? during the hotter months, it'll be shorts and tank top, but only if I'm at home. Outdoors, I tend to wear high neck tops, trousers, skirts, dresses, and a jacket (if it's not too hot). I much prefer cooler months because I like to hide behind an oversized jacket/coat lol. Basically, smart casual, nothing short or too low cut.

how tall are you? 5'10", baby!!! Sometimes a bit shorter, sometimes taller. It depends on... idk... stuff. things.

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? i'm an Aries (with a Leo sun and Gemini rising 🙃🙃). I share my birthday with Bette Davis and Hayley Atwell, so not too bad. Ah! I also share my birthday with my granddad. As for historical events, it mainly involves historical figures returning home, the Mayflower returning to England, Europeans discovering Easter Island- things of that nature. But an actual cool one is that the first performance of Beethoven's 2nd Symphony in D took place in 1803 on me birthday

do you go by your name or a nickname? my nickname. I HATED my name when I was a child and I wouldn't let anyone refer me to do it. The only person who has consistently called me by my actual name is my sister. I'm now over the reasons why I didn't like it back then. My only gripe with it now is that it sounds very similar to a more popular name, so people mishear my name all the time.

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? nahhh. When I was about 3 or 4, my sights were on becoming a dog in my future... I am yet to figure that one out without putting on a fursuit or committing crimes against god, man, science, and one's own good taste.

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one? i am. it's mine and my boyfriend's 9-year anniversary at the end of the month. i do have many crushes, which are mainly for every pretty woman i see lol

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at? i think i'm pretty good at analysing and dissecting things that interest me, it can be a piece of media or a topic of debate/conversation. i am bad at maaaaaany things, one of them is being a friend to myself

dogs or cats? both, duh!! i have a cat at the moment, but i do wish to have a dog in future (and maybe 3 cats in total lol)

if  you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite  picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this  year? probably the entire second chapter to my vampire fic. yeah, sorry, i can't pick out a particular line, i like the whole chapter ngl

what is something that you’d like to create content for? i'd like to finish my beyond evil projects 😭 and maybe write something for the merciless. (i do have gifs for the merciless that are just sitting in my drafts, waiting for me to feel confident enough to post them lol)

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with? playing the sims 4 and listening to the rotten mango podcast as i play. that's how i spend most of my evenings lol

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? jfc i was about to say something so emo. i'll go with more light-hearted examples instead. uhm, the f1 drivers' and constructor's championship standings (it's not over yet, but it's pretty obvious who is going to win 😒). the new taylor swift + hayley williams song. the final season of ted lasso (i love that show, but the ending was a bit naff).

what’s a hidden talent of yours? hm, it's too rude for tumblr

are you religious? nope! i grew up as a jehovah witness in a pretty strict household. although now that i'm older and i look into other people's experiences within that cult, i can see that i got lucky with my parents. they let us kids do things that were against the rules, but that still didn't stop me from sustaining a bit of religious trauma and internalised homophobia 😤 i'm still salty about my religious upbringing.

what’s something you wish to have at this moment? money, direction, a different place to live (preferably nicer/bigger), and for my cat's x-rays and blood work not to come back with anything too serious

anyway, i hope my answers weren't too boring haha. much love! no pressure tags: @l-tyrell @loisroo @hanjuwonsupporter @sensazioneultra

[lioncunt]

Lestat for the character impressions!!

fjdjsksk ok buckle in this is gonna be long

first impression: just like with armand it was the movie as a high school freshman, and i was immediately extremely obsessed with him. that kind of lovable antagonist has always been my favorite archetype, like spike from buffy etc, so it was very easy to become attached to him, especially in CONTRAST to movielouis who sucks. when he “died” i was very surprised and disappointed, which i think then colored my initial viewing of the second half of the story lmao i was like where the fuck is lestat why is antonio banderas here. after i watched the movie i looked up the books, and when i realized he was the protagonist for the rest of the series i was like oh ok i’m gonna read them now. i really did start reading them exclusively for him. when i read the book, i was taken aback by how he was much more of an abusive piece of shit, because i think the movie skips past a lot of his more cruel acts with louis and claudia and boils it down to claudia just growing up and louis being sad for no reason. (i have issues with the movie.) (the musical does this to an even more ridiculous degree.) anyway i was like wow he actually really sucks but that made me even more obsessed with him because it made him much more interesting to me, a real multifaceted dynamic character! and once the ending scene with him and louis occurred i was so struck by the entire tragedy of the book and how there wasn’t a true villain in the end. anyway then i read tvl and i lost my mind

impression now: i have a whole other post that i think encapsulates all my bookstat feelings so i won’t type it all out again. as for showstat, he’s less of my best friend who i have to berate for being a fucking idiot and more of my favorite science experiment, something thrilling and terrifying that i’m enamored with and am dying to dissect until i understand every inch of what he’s made of. it was very much a rollercoaster for me watching it week to week because i was never totally sure where they were going with him, but now that the dust has settled i think they made some really fantastic choices with him. they didn’t shy away from his horrific acts of abuse like anne did in the movie and musical, while also keeping the thread of tvl lestat. it’s interesting, because while bookstat also commits absolutely heinous, unforgivable crimes, most of them are from his point of view, so we have a much clearer idea of why he’s committing those crimes. with showstat, we get no explanations, no internal monologue, no perspective, which makes my brain burst from all the different ways one can interpret him. i love showstat with all my heart and soul but i viscerally hate him but he is also my girlfriend so there’s that to contend with as well

favorite moment: wolfkiller. idk the book started with that and i giggled and kicked my feet “wow you killed a pack of them wowww” just call me nicki de lenfent. for showstat “this CHARLATAN” he looks like he has rabies <3

idea for a story: i wanna see him go back to acting and he’s in a soap opera and he has joey tribbiani’s storyline from friends

unpopular opinion: i do think showstat loved claudia despite everything, that one interview sam had where he said he was proud of her gave me enough energy to power a small town. for bookstat i think he deserved to be the main character of the book series even though i wish that didn’t mean anne lobotomized everyone else. but like he’s written specifically for my enjoyment so i’m glad that i have a wealth of text of widely varying quality to enjoy him from lmao

favorite relationship: romantic relationship is loustat both in the books and the show, nothing will ever compare to them i want them trapped in a jar on my shelf for eternity. non-romantic relationship is him and claudia “my dark child, my love, evil of my evil, claudia broke my heart” what if i killed myself

favorite headcanon: he loves the phantom of the opera. i think he actually mentions it in memnoch, they’re playing something from it in the background. anyway he’s pro phantom/christine

[lovequinn]

ALL YOUR X THOUGHTS NOW PLS

okay kiddos let's talk x!!

many many spoilers under the cut so be warned, but my baseline review is that i had SO much fun and the longer i think about it since leaving the theater, the more i appreciate it.

x mixes classic texas chainsaw massacre-esque horror with really interesting explorations of youth, morality, lost ambitions, and love. i thought it was such an interesting road to take for a movie like this, and there were plenty of moments that really contrasted how it was promoted. it got me thinking for hours after it ended, which i didn't expect! also, brittany snow. so. i was bound to love it.

some scattered thoughts:

horror is one of my favorite genres, and that's gotten super complicated because the last couple of years i've started struggling with blood and gore and hardcore gross material (call it pandemic-induced death anxiety, idk) so i've started leaning more towards suspense horror rather than bloody slashers. happy to say for my own sanity that this was a PERFECT mix! the deaths were definitely brutal and satisfied the horror lover in me, while also leaning into the creepiness factor more and not being so overkill on gore that i wanted to bash my head into a wall (and the one or two that were, were predictable enough that i had time to hide in my shirt lol).

a lot of x's strength comes from its characters. it manages to flesh out the group a surprising amount for its length and genre, so you really do find yourself a little sad each time one of them bites the dust. this also serves to leave you uncomfortably sympathizing with the killer old couple from hell at times, and there's one particularly kind of gross scene that had me going "aww...but ew....but aww." the dinner scene + landslide cover was a really great character/group dynamic moment (i hope they release that on the soundtrack?? @beca-mitchell and i went feral??) right before the action goes batshit

brittany snow QUEEN, this is some of her best work and a great vehicle for her, and yes i did slide uncomfortably down in my seat when she was entirely nude yelling "fuck my pussy" etc etc i'm only human and i will not be blamed. this woman has been star of my heart for going on 15 years now and i'm SO excited to see the response she is getting/will get from x.

circling back to the deaths (major spoiler warning again), brittany honestly had the best one??? pushed into the lake and DEVOURED BY AN ALLIGATOR??? hell yeah. i guessed it about 20 minutes before it happened but it still slapped. my friends also pointed out that in the very beginning of the movie, the strip club they leave from has a giant mural of a blonde woman with a gator and i absolutely live for that kind of foreshadowing

i fully thought jenna ortega was gonna be the final girl and apparently so did everyone else in the theater because there was a collective gasp when she got her face blown off in the final minutes kfdgslsk sorry jenna stans but also she was FANTASTIC in this, her acting chops continue to flourish with every project she does

did not realize until long after it was over that mia goth also played miss old lady killer pearl????? she had scenes with HERSELF, she was giving tatiana maslany, lindsay lohan parent trap, the range!!! cannot wait for her prequel

the cinematography was sick, i expect nothing less from an a24 film at this point. some really awesome wide shots and overheads that i can't wait for people to gif

also some great camp and comedic beats! i laughed!

idk man there's so much more to talk about about re: the deeper meanings of this movie and what it wants to say but i don't wanna dissect the entire thing here before anyone else has even seen it so GO SEE X

[hockeyforthefirsttime]

Home For Christmas- Mat Barzal

AN: This is no shame, I started this before Christmas with the intention of finishing it as well... bitch I didn’t, so here we are.

Word count: 4k

TW: bad parenting, mentions of cheating, kind of angst? idk 

Sitting alone by the kitchen table, you watch the snow fall heavy over the town. You’re supposed to be working on your masters thesis, but your mind is a thousand miles away, 2 185,4 miles to be exact. 

And even that far away, Mat is still everywhere to be seen in a town he’s never been in. He’s in the cafe with the really bad coffee and the really good cakes, he’s in the window reflection in the old thrift shop you used to go to when you were younger. And you can imagine him so easily outside on the front porch, playing in the snow. 

In all honesty that would be ideal, having him here. But he’s not, he didn’t have the opportunity to come. You understand that. You understand that he’s got his own traditions, family and friends to see. 

But when you left JFK to come to the cabin in Alta, you wished that he was by your side, you by his. Instead of the snoring man that sat on your right hand side the entire flight. At least you got the window seat. 

Your parents went out to have dinner or visit some friends, you don’t care enough to remember. 

All you could think of was how Mat had been babbling about how excited he was for Christmas, and going home. And how you deep inside dreaded coming here. It’s not that your parents don’t love you, they just love the idea of the past you. Mat cares for you a lot, you know that, you’ve settled for that. But you haven’t had the heart to tell him how your parents only care for perfect facades and flaunting their riches. That's also why you haven’t told them about Mat. 

The snow is still falling over the perfectly decorated front lawn. 

You’re still thinking of Mat and how he would look with rosy cheeks from the cold, when your parents move in through the front door whilst talking in low murmurs. 

“Y/N, darling? You’re still awake?” 

Your mother asks, not yelling though, never yelling. She waits until she can see you from the hallway. 

“Yes, still kind of working.”

You answer politely. 

“Oh, you’re still writing your thesis?” 

Quickly as she comes around the table, you switch from the spotify tab, to the uni home page.The lie comes smoothly and she doesn’t notice, she never does. 

“My little hard worker, you’re gonna be such a good psychiatrist one day.” 

And your heart sinks all the way down to your stomach. You’ve never told them that you switched majors three years ago. Or that you’re not writing a dissection of the human mind, but rather a song. As well as a thesis. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go to my room.” 

Your mom nods at you with what almost resembled a fond smile. Passing your father in the hallway you see him slip something into the pocket of his already hung coat. 

“Night sweetheart.” 

“Night dad” 

You smile half heartedly while balancing your books and laptop in your hands. 

No matter how nicely the property is decorated, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be what your parents expect you to be. They are much like their cabin in your opinion, pretty and inviting on the outside, shallow on the inside. 

You don’t know how to handle this. Because while you grew up a lot around here, New York feels like your home now. With pictures on the walls and tiny memories littered around the place. The bedroom you’ve always had in the cabin hasn’t changed much since you last were here. Pictures of people you no longer talk to still hang on the vanity you never used. 

Crawling underneath the thick duvet, you pull your phone off the charger on your nightstand. There are a few messages on snap chat and instagram you’ve missed. Mostly friends from college, all in their respective homes with their old friends and family. 

You close both of the apps, and sigh when you see the wallpaper of your phone. It’s a picture of you and Mat. You’re dressed in a hoodie with his jersey over it and his arms slung around your middle from behind, the both of you smiling at Beau behind the camera. You remember that day. 

It was in the early days of your relationship and only the second or third game you had been too of his. The Islanders had played the Rangers and won, Mat scored twice and it was overall a good game. The WAG’s had all started to head for the locker room hallway, while you set your path for the exit, planning on meeting Mat back at his apartment. Lauren was the first to see you trying to sneak out. And had instantly called you out on it. She’s a miracle worker with people, and within seconds she had figured out how scared you were that Mat wouldn’t want you there. After all this was a team win, and you didn’t quite feel like you were a part of the team. Not yet at least. 

And despite your fears, Lauren convinced you that he would love to see you first thing as he exited. And he had been. His already beaming face had swept you up in his strong arms and spun you around. Mat truly was and still is at times more excitable than a puppy.

-----

You wake up abruptly from someone yelling. That someone you quickly recognize as your father's voice. And your heart drops, even though the words are muffled, you can imagine the scene. Your mother, sitting at the kitchen table, in the same spot as you sat last night, telling him to calm down and stop yelling. Your father pacing in front of her, screaming about something you can’t quite figure out what is yet. He is obviously ignoring her.

Picking your phone up from the mattress as you sit up, there doesn’t seem to be anything new. You enter the messages app and shoot Mat a message, telling him to call you in thirty minutes. 

With a sigh, you pull the warm, comfortable duvet off yourself and drag your body out of the bed. Everything in the room seems a little colder, and you know it’s probably because of the badly isolated windows. That’s probably why the cool floorboards tickle your feet when you step on them. Luckily there is a pair of thick socks on the floor next to the bed, so you pull them on and walk to the door. 

Carefully you let the door creep open silently. 

“- and why couldn’t you just leave it be?” 

You hear your father yelling. 

“Because you’re my husband and I love you, you’re not supposed to have a second phone, much less a second girlfriend.” 

Immediately your stomach sinks. Your dad has a mistress? Then it was probably the second phone he slipped into the coat pocket last night. God, christmas spirit, eh? You shut the fight out of your mind instantly, not wanting this to be your christmas. In this moment you hate all the bad hallmark movies you’ve watched with Mat. Not for having watched them, but for letting them give you hope of a normal christmas.

On autopilot, you start packing the bag you never finished unpacking. It takes fifteen minutes for you to finish. Your phone starts ringing as soon as you zip the back shut. With a deep sigh you answer the phone. 

“Hi Mat.” 

“Hey, babe. You okay?” 

You can hear laughter in the background and the smile in his voice. You hate yourself for the next words. 

“No, not really.” 

The admittance lies heavy in your chest, but some of the weight seems to lift off when you speak the feelings into existence. 

“I’m sorry, is there anything I can do?” 

It's like the world disappears for a minute, and just hearing his voice calms you down. 

“No, I don’t think so, I just don’t think I can handle this right now. ‘M just gonna head home to my apartment. I can’t take my parents right now.”

It’s a relief to get the words out of your mouth and into existence. You can imagine him right now, with the cute frown on his face and the cogs and wheels in his brain turning.

“Hold on, you’re not gonna spend christmas morning alone are you?” 

“Why not? It’s not really different from what I’m used to, and it’s already the 23rd today anyway.” 

“That gives you just enough time to fly here!” 

 Your heart soars at the thought of waking up with Mat in his childhood home, but reason strikes you seconds later. 

“Mathew, I’m not gonna intrude on your family like that.” 

The sigh he releases on the other end of the phone, is followed by a small chuckle. 

“You’re not intruding. I promise. Plus they all love you.” 

------

You order an uber straight after calling Mathew. When you open the door to your bedroom, the yelling still hasn’t stopped. The log walls have always been pretty soundproof, but you swear, right now there is an echo in the house. Silently you close the door behind you. Your dad is still ranting on about how none of this is his fault, and how some things women simply don’t understand. 

You sigh and take off your shoes to make your steps even quieter than usual.It’s not that your father isn’t kind, it’s just that he seems to have been too kind to another woman. And it puts a great deal of fear into your heart. It makes you scared that Mat might do the same. 

You shake the thought (almost) out of your head, Mat is not your father, and you are not your mother. Still, you can’t help but feel like your mother deserves better. Leaning against the door frame, you pull up your phone and start scouring the web. 

The uber app alerts you of your rides arrival, and you go into your travel backpack and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. Quickly you write down the number and name of both a divorce lawyer and a couples therapist. Your coat is already on and your bag doesn't have wheels, so it’s a silent endeavour to the other bedroom in use on this floor. Your parent’s room. 

It looks like it always has. Everything is neatly put behind closed doors and the bed is perfectly made. No knick knacks on the bedside table, not even a book or an alarm clock. You sigh, put the note on your mothers side of the bed and leave.

You’re glad the kitchen doesn ‘t have a clear view of the hallway, your parents are too immersed in their fight, to notice the fact that their child is slipping through their fingers. They don’t notice you walking away from them.

------

The airport is not so surprisingly filled only with stragglers and people who are most likely working this christmas. The pine trees are decorated and everywhere, but you don’t feel as sick to your stomach as you usually do. Quickly you find your gate. It’s got a great view and you watch the snow fall under the lights of the airport and sip the holiday drink you uncharacteristically got from the coffee shop beside the gate. You have already checked in the luggage, so yet again you pull out a pen, but also a worn and torn leather bound notebook that’s been with you since the start of your degree. 

The songs usually come from poems but somehow this one is different. You start the melody quickly, writing down notes and sometimes little words that you feel make sense with the melody. Your hands start to itch for the ivory and ebony keys of a piano, but just as the feeling arrives the flight attendant calls up your flight and you have to pack up. 

 The plane is only half full, so you get a row to yourself. Resting your feet across the two free seats is a little uncomfortable, you’ll admit as much, but the feeling of having the piano at least on your computer is settling some of the itch. 

-----

Mat comes alone to pick you up from the airport. He’s standing in the parking lot leaning against his car. The second he hears you approaching he looks up from his phone, pockets it and meets you halfway. Immediately he hugs you tight.

“Hi babe, I missed you.” 

He says with a low voice into the scarf wrapped around your neck. You just hug him tighter. The tension that took a hold of your body during the layover, is releasing from your body. Mat’s entire being is like a weighted blanket covering you. 

When he lets you go, you miss his warmth, but it’s short lived. He picks up the bag you dropped to the snow covered ground and puts in the trunk before opening the passenger door for you. Upon entering the car, you are engulfed in everything Mat and warmth. 

“You gonna tell me what’s going on with your family?”

You sigh at the question, knowing it was going to come sooner or later. To be honest you’re glad he asked now, and not back home, back with his family. It’s just, how do you explain the entire messy situation to Mat, without getting pity points? You don’t want to feel like some charity case or, even worse, like some spoilt child who can’t handle the situation.

Instead of dwelling over it for too long, you decide to jump into it as he starts the car and enters the freeway. 

“My dad is cheating on my mom, and she found out last night. I think they were up the entire night just arguing. I just left a note on mom’s bed with the number of both a divorce lawyer as well as a couples therapist.”

You rant off, state it matter of factly. Trying to shut off your emotions. 

“Are you okay Y/N?” 

Mat asks. Simple as that. He asks you if you’re okay, and you can’t quite handle it. The tears are pressing on behind your eyes. And you look out the window, trying to hold them back. But when he puts a hand on your thigh, you let the first tear fall. 

“No.” 

And it really is as simple as that. You’re not okay. And you hate it. Just in that second your phone starts ringing in your back pocket.

“Sorry.”  

You say as Mat looks at you. He just gives you a soft smile. You check the caller id, and see it’s your mom. Quickly you clear your throat and wipe your tears away. 

“Hello mom.” 

You answer, trying to sound neutral. 

“Y/N, where are you? Did you go to one of your friends here? I can’t find any of your things.” 

She sounds confused to be honest. 

“Yeah no, I left, I’m on my way to my boyfriend’s house.” 

You hear her suck in a breath. Probably trying to calm down. You do the same, hoping for a calm conversation. 

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend? Where are you?” 

You sigh, know it’s gonna be a long conversation. 

“No, I know, I didn’t tell you on purpose. He lives in New York usually, but he’s from Canada.” 

Ideally, you know, this would be a conversation to have with Mat, about why you haven’t told them about him, before you had it with your mother. 

“You’re in Canada?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, what does he do then?” 

“Mom..” 

You start to avoid the question, but she interrupts you. 

“No, I want to know what he does that makes you think it’s okay for you to run away from your family right before christmas.”

In that second, just a split second, you get a little fight in you. 

“First of all, it wasn’t his call, he invited me, when I called him. Originally I was just gonna go back to New York. Alone. Second of all, I am not interested in spending christmas around you and dad when you can’t figure out your lives. Third of all, he makes me feel safe and appreciated and I can’t imagine being anywhere else right now.” 

You can feel the tears streaming down your face, but you don’t care. 

“Fine, if you are going to be like that then.” 

“I am gonna be like this mom.” 

“Fine.” 

She says, and then she hangs up the phone. And to be honest you’re kind of glad she did. 

“That sounded rough.” 

You nod and close your eyes. You don’t want things to be this way. You truly don’t, but it the way it is. 

“You didn’t tell them about me?” 

Mat asks. Possibly sounding hurt. 

“No, I was scared that they were gonna be who I know them to be, especially upon finding out that you play hockey for a living.”

He sinks a bit back in the driver’s seat.

“You think they wouldn’t like me?” 

He definitely sounds hurt. 

“I think they would like your image, your paycheck and what you could do for them publicly.”  

You answer earnestly. Before continuing. 

“They want a solid paycheck and all the nice things in life. The things that prove that they’ve got a lot of money, and that about sums it up.” 

“Oh, well that’s not good.” 

Letting out a sad chuckle, you nod your head. You can tell you’re closing up on his house because he seems to be driving slower now.

“I hope you know I’m not into you for the paychecks.” 

“No I know-”  

He turns and smiles at you. 

“You’re in this, for the amazing sex, eh?”

“Oh, for sure.”  

You smile and take his hand.

---

Waking up is always kind of heavier in the winter, but with Mat’s arms wrapped around you in the morning, it’s just something else. You fell asleep in one of his hoodies and flannel pj pants. You’ll admit it, it is a bit too warm, but hell it’s so worth it. 

You can feel him behind you, bare chest rising slow and steady. Soft snores escape him every now and then, but his arm around your waist stays there. Mindlessly, you start tracing shapes and letters on the back of his hand. You feel his hand start twitching, and all of a sudden he squeezes you tight and pulls you on top of himself. 

“I love you too.” 

He smiles up at you with his bleary eyes. Your cheeks heat up. You didn’t think he’d actually notice the letters you had been spelling out on his hand. So you hide your face on his shoulder and stay there. Just placing small, light kisses there. 

“Can you say it? Like out loud?” 

He asks you, quietly. 

“That I love you?” 

Immediately you feel him smile into your hair. 

“I love you Mat Barzal.” 

And you swear, you can feel his heart skip a beat in his chest.  

“Merry Christmas, by the way.” 

You say, feeling content. This is by far the best Christmas morning you’ve had, and you haven’t even gotten out of bed. 

“Oh shit, it’s Christmas morning!”

And before you know it, the light is on, and he’s out of bed and pulling on a shirt and a pair of sweats. He turns and looks at you expectantly. 

“Well, aren’t you coming?” 

He asks, moving in your direction. Mat all but drags you out of the bed and barely let’s you go to the bathroom to brush your teeth, before meeting his family downstairs. And it’s a glorious sight that meets your eyes. The christmas tree is decorated with little lights and different colour baubles?, as well as glitter. It looks homemade, and not like the perfectly decorated trees that have made their mark on your childhood. 

The sight of it causes you to stop dead in your tracks. God, how you love the normalcy of this. The morning is filled with laughter, jokes and copious amounts of hot chocolate. It’s not until the end of the gift unwrapping, that Mat slips away from you, claiming that he has to go to the toilet. 

He returns a few minutes later, carrying a big box wrapped in paper. It doesn’t take you long to notice that all eyes are on you. 

“Maty, I told you no gifts.”

You sigh, but you can’t help the smile that creeps onto your lips as you see how giddy he is. 

“I know I know, and originally I was going to stick to it, but I saw this in the store and I know you said you’d manage without it, but I just couldn’t help myself.” 

And as you listen to him rant his heart out to you, realization dawns on you. 

“You didn’t seriously..” 

Your sentence trails off as you watch him carefully place the box down on the dinner table. 

“Please, just open it?” 

And he knows you could never resist his pleading, just as well as you do. Nodding, you head to the table and start unwrapping the way too expensive gift. Soon the logo of the electric keyboard begins to unravel to you, and tears are seriously prickling behind your eyes.You pull the sleeves of the hoodie over your hands and wipe the tears away.

“Mathew, this is seriously the best christmas gift I have ever gotten.”

You mumble. He comes over and wraps you up in his arms again, and you can feel him smiling, how his entire being is happy, and maybe a little proud of himself. His mom and dad gush over how cute the two of you are, whilst Liana rolls her eyes with a fond smile. 

“Well, why don’t you play us something sweetie?” 

Mats mother asks you carefully once you unwrap yourself from Mat. 

“Yeah, I can do that.” 

And just like that the living room is cleared enough for you to set up the keyboard along with a chair from the kitchen. You even go back upstairs and find the chords you have written down for the song you wrote in the airport.

Testingly, you play a few chords. That is the moment you notice how quiet they’ve all gotten, so you decide to speak up, just to shake the nerves a little. 

“Okay, so this is kind of a rushed song, I wrote it on my way here, but I do hope you like it.” 

And then you start playing the first notes. You do love how the keys seem to find their way to you right away, like you’ve been playing this keyboard for a long time already. And then the words spill from your mouth. And you just sing. 

Careful what you say

This time of year

Tends to weaken me

And have a little decency

And let me cry in peace

But there's a place where I

Erase the challenges I've been through

Where he knows every corner

Every street-name

All by heart

And so it is a part of my

Courageous plan to leave

With a broken heart

Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna find home for Christmas

Let me find home this year

I wanna find home for Christmas

Let me find home this year

I'll pack my bags

And leave before the sun rises tomorrow

'Cause we act more like strangers for each day

That I am here

But I have someone close to me

Who never will desert me

Who remind me frequently

What I I can truly be 

And so it is a part of my

Courageous plan to leave

With a broken heart

Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna find home this Christmas

Let me find home this year

I wanna find home this Christmas

Let me find home this year

I don't know what my future holds

But I know who will love me

I can’t tell you where I'm from

But this one loved me to life

And so it is a part of my

Courageous plan to leave

With a broken heart

Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna find home this Christmas

Let me find home this year

I wanna find home this Christmas

Let me find home this year

Playing the finishing keys, you look up from the keys, and see both Liana and Nadia smiling through a few tears. Mike is holding his wife close as he smiles at you. But Mat, he looks at you like you hung the stars in the night sky. 

Quickly you get up from the chair and wrap your arms around his neck. Closing your eyes, just letting yourself be completely enveloped in him. 

For a second though, he pulls slightly away, just enough so he can look you in the eyes. 

“I love you so much, and you’ll always have a home with me.”

Your heart swells ten times bigger than what your chest is made to encompass. 

“I know. I love you too.”

[prinxlyart]

just any individual toh character hc would SLAP. mebbe ur thoughts on the twins idk this is vague

Nah it’s cool, I can dig it let’s do this

I only put this under a line break cuz it got so long oops lol

Emira:

Defo has a stutter that she went through a lot of intensive and grueling speech therapy sessions for (when she was about 7 years old) that she hated. Amity and Edric both know this and know it’s a sensitive topic for her. They’ll tease her lightly about it, but never in front of anyone else and they know where to draw the line. In my last Vinera post, I mentioned how much Viney adores her stutter. She absolutely loves getting Emira flustered enough to start stuttering. She’s incredibly patient and understanding when it comes to Emira’s stutter and Em’s feelings about her stutter, and she helps Emira learn to be okay with it again. It’s nothing to be ashamed of (and it’s cute).

My girl likes carrots. Like, really likes carrots. As in she’ll eat them straight out of the ground if she’s given a chance to wash it first. She really loves carrots. This is only an issue later on after she and Viney start taking care of beasts together and Emira’s been caught eating their entire stock of carrots that’s meant for the beasts. Viney has to keep the carrots in a secret box away from Emira after that point.

Emira actually really loves beasts/animals but has never been good at handling them. Any time she’d try to approach an animal to pet it, it would try to bite her. She’d get extremely pouty whenever this happens because beasts/animals love Edric. It’s not until after she and Viney start dating that Viney actually starts teaching her how to approach different creatures and her love for creatures reignites.

Emira’s a giant pushover for Amity. Only Edric knows this because he’s also a pushover for her. If Amity ever found out what power she actually holds over them, they’d be in so much trouble. They mask their love for their sister with constant teasing. Yes of course they get annoyed by her, that’s how siblings are, especially when Amity tattles on them, but at the end of the day, they’d help Amity hide the body if she asked. (The few times they witnessed her crying by someone other than their parents, they had gone on a warpath. Nobody hurts Mittens.)

Defo had a brief infatuation with Luz for like 5 minutes before she realized how head-over-heels Amity was. As long as they’re both happy, that’s what matters. She’ll take that secret to her grave though.

L O V E S having her hair played with, but like, only with people she’s super comfortable with. She has so much hair (mostly due to her mother’s wishes) and any time they all have attend some fancy gathering, Emira has to be seen by a stylist in order to get all her hair into whatever wild fancy shape her mom wants for the event. That she hates more than life itself, but whenever she’s upset, Edric or Amity grabs her hair brush and just gently brushes her hair out until she’s chill again. (She absolutely melts when Viney starts playing with her hair). In an act of defiance and because she needed this Change, the moment she and her siblings leave the Blight Manor permanently, she cuts off all of her hair. It’s very reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Viney loves it. Everyone loves it actually, but the biggest reactions come from Viney and Luz (they both love running their fingers through the newly cut hair because it’s so soft).

She likes to sing to herself when she’s alone. It’s rare that it ever happens because if she knows there’s other people in the same building as her, she won’t chance it. But when she knows she’s alone and no one will notice if she casts a silence bubble around herself so she can sing at the top of her lungs? You better believe she closes any doors or curtains in the area, locks everything, casts that spell and goes nuts. Her voice isn’t all that great, but it’s lovely when she’s singing quietly to herself while she does homework or something. On especially bad nights, Amity will ask her to sing to her. Emira sang to her once when they were like, 3 and 5 respectively, and it’s been their secret thing ever since for especially rough nights/nightmares.

Edric:

Yknow how James from Pokémon is just super good with Pokémon ?? Like, he knows how to treat them, he knows what they like, he asks them gently if they’d like to join them, etc. That’s exactly how Edric approaches creatures. He’s a natural with them, but he and his sister’s natural affinity for illusion magic kept him from pursuing that track of magic.

He’s always wanted a pet, but every time he brings it up to his parents, he’s met with the same firm No as always. He’s definitely gotten in trouble for trying to sneak wild creatures into the house to keep in his room. Thank Titan for Em’s cool new girlfriend who’s not only a multi-track student, but studying the exact subject he wants to study and is super eager to teach him everything she knows. He learns vicariously through her and helps her study for her tests. At first, Emira is suspicious of them, but she knows her brother wouldn’t be so cruel as to try to steal her girlfriend away from her. He’s just a dork.

My boy’s got a sweet tooth. He loves desserts and sweets and fluffy baked goods and often tries to sneak candies when he thinks no one is looking. Chocolate is a big weakness for him. When Luz introduces him to Human Sweets, he’s practically bouncing off the walls. Cotton candy??????? Flan?????? Dulce de Leche en Tabla??? He nearly passes out when Luz busts out what she calls a “chocolate fountain” and turns it on. Y’all remember that one image of a bird bathing in a chocolate fountain from a million years ago? That’s Edric.

Edric Blight LIVES to see his sisters laugh. He would pull all sorts of silly faces and dumb tricks to make Amity laugh when they were little. He still tries to make her laugh, but usually those have grown from giggles to disgruntled mumbling. He’ll never admit how much it breaks his heart and it’s not until he sees her laughing at something Luz has done that he has hope he may still be able to get her to laugh again (it’s also the first time he’s heard her laugh in years and it makes his heart soar in relief. He was almost certain their parents had stamped any concept of laughter out of her).

My boy Edric is so full of love and passion; actually quite similarly to Luz. What makes them different though is that Edric is Aromantic. He’s never had a crush in his life. He’s happy with his sisters and all of their friends and their family as it grows in the future. He has some best friends that he lives with for a while (after his sisters move in with their respective partners), but for the most part he’s chill. He loves his family, he loves spoiling his sisters’ kids, and he’s content with himself. It takes him a super long time to be content with himself, but he gets there. I will literally never get over the fact that his biggest fear is “being alone forever”. He’s never alone. He will always have his friends and family. And, thanks in large part to Luz, he has his parents back. His parents that actually were excited when he cast his first spell and tucked him in at night when he was a toddler, giving him kisses goodnight and pleasant dreams. Not the parents he’d run away from; those were the cold, uncaring, obsessed with fake concepts of popularity and status people he ran away from with his sisters. It took years, but Luz helped bring his real parents back. He loves getting to know them for who they are now that he’s an adult too.

He and Gus become best friends. Like, dumb buddy cop movie levels of best friends. They get into so much trouble when it’s just the two of them and they have the time of their lives. At first, he and Em just sort of took Gus under their wing because he was a little bit of an outcast in their homeroom for being so much younger than everyone else. But he’s a friend of Luz’s and a friend of Amity’s after a while, which automatically makes him cool in their book. They soon find themselves actually enjoying his company, rather than just protecting him from stray bullies, and they find his ability with illusion magic exciting. They themselves are considered prodigies so having another prodigy to show off practice with is super stimulating for all of them. As the years go on (and Emira spends more time with Viney) Edric starts calling more and more often for “Bro Time” where they go do stupid teenage stuff or test the limits of their magic or even just hang out and talk for hours. It’s actually all this time hanging out with just Gus that Edric discovers he’s aro; somehow it comes out that Gus has developed a crush on Edric and (major age differences aside) Edric realizes he’s never had a crush on anyone before. It’s a conversation that sucks a lot, but they’re besties and they manage to get through it. Gus maybe needs to take a day with his original gal pals to just cry about it, but he gets over it just fine. He also helps Edric understand what it means to be aromantic. Well, with the help of Luz and Willow as well; Luz is a walking dictionary for lgbt terminology and Willow’s super good at helping dissect feelings (when they’re not her own cough’outofsightoutofmind’cough).

I genuinely don’t know what he might pursue for a career. Part of me wants him to be independent and do his own thing, but a much stronger part of me wants him to just be part of Viney as Emira’s business. He loves creatures so much and he loves taking care of them, but I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel around his twin sister either. Maybe he becomes a dual track teacher at Hexside specifically for healing and beast keeping so more students can learn about Service Creatures. He can substitute for the Illusion track homeroom when needed, but he’s super passionate about the Service Creature sub-track he and Viney pitch to Principal Bump.

[legionofpotatoes]

black widow thonks with spoilers under the cut. because I'm a marvel retrospective blog now I guess

(being in cinemas again is exciting. leave me alone)

A Movie. fits right into that mcu sweet spot of better than I feared, worse than I hoped

better because the first half does seemingly functional dramatic setups, doesn't shy away from quiet moments of interiority, tries to establish a bespoke narrative to operate in, has a weird enough opening that you can chalk up to it being "good" until we see how it's all addressed later on

worse cause second half is an mcu's greatest hits bonanza with clunky payoffs and reverse engineered catharsis shoehorning emotional development into some sort of avengers-need-me endpoint like it's a fridge being pushed into a carry-on suitcase with "franchise continuity" written on it

yelena/florence absolutely delightful. if she's taking over the character that could be nice! I think that girl has very pretty eyes. her acting/humor/accent was very good and really the only functional relationship with natasha in this entire ass movie

adjacent thought: accents overall were good, but some "major" beats were delivered in straight-up russian and. eurgh. horrible pronunciation. weird how this stuff doesnt get vetted on big boy hollywood sets. meanwhile they have one actual russian actor and they're mute the whole time. baller

re: clunky payoffs. major dramatic beat in the end is "sorry I left you, sister" despite the opening showing us the exact opposite. natasha fiercely protecting her from shit dad. whereas the actual defection from the red room is explained away in words and pieces across the movie. "show don't tell" isn't a tired platitude, and would help a LOT here if we saw that moment fit in the dramatic coherence of their past relationship chronologically. feels trivial but catharsis really is just setups and payoffs and making them CLEAR to follow. feel confident complaining about this more than anything else tbh

lots of other examples but this one felt easiest to "get right" in existing framework. other stuff like relationship with rest of the widows/dreykov/his daughter all harder to wrap my head around despite feeling short-changed overall. and like I can't claim to be able to doctor movie scripts or anything

but the parents! what the fuck! way to waste david harbour and rachel weisz! how is his shitty psychology not interrogated/prodded in any way. I did nothing wrong because my daughters grew up into effective brainwashed killers. makes them sad when I say that for some reason. here's a lil song I remember from back when I was lying to you about everything. feel better and move forward please, need to brag more about being cool

mom was overall better handled but the double-triple-quadruple turncoating at the end with constant callbacks and timeline cuts let all the air out of any possible dramatic payoff. functionally speaking it all literally happened in that closet while they were swapping outfits I guess? and we see bits and pieces of it for the sake of plot and not emotion? Weird Choice. but that's just me. idk

you can really tell the exact moment an mcu script hits "fuck it" and throws hands in air as nonsense plot device meter hits peak readings. aggression cancelling man-pheromones was that moment for me. literally what the fuck lmao. I guess the writers room felt strongly about it cause it fits as a wacko metaphor? for a dude manipulating and abusing women? okay. you know. good choice in an espionage thriller. I think it's fucking stupid still! and at the very LEAST warranted some sort of setup/foreshadowing to be less jarring

I get this entirely unjustifiable schadenfreude when fan favorite characters are fucked with. I imagined angry nerds frothing at the mouth about taskmaster and it brought me so much joy. I am truly not gloating I know this is a bad feeling to have. it's evil and judgmental and says more about me than anyone else.

gotta hand it a lil bit to the nerds though, having the character at least be able to speak and articulate motives/relation to natasha/at least express interiority through physical moments would be nice (good nearby example: winter soldier in cap 2). set up your mystery character reveals ya ding dongs. and be a bit heavyhanded about them if needed I promise it's okay. but when did drama and story matter more than plot to marvel? I generally found taskmaster a great overall story beat on paper but it's all the clunky drama around them that failed the execution. more context around That Moment in budapest, a few insert shots of physical micro expressions, actual dialogue during the reveal, idk. probably not as easy to improve this and I'm being a bit flippant but it really does look good on paper to me but then it all feeling empty and pointless by the end is not something I can deny

the incredibly hot dude natasha keeps around for Spy Stuff Procurement. whose name I already forgot. would be nice to give him a Moment, yannow. he literally IS a plot device with no dramatic function around him. everything he did/motivated in the plot could easily be written into nat's pov to save runtime. so why include him at all? it's not like big corporations tend to chase after tokenism in their tentpole films right fellas

so. natasha. the actual titular person in the middle of all this. I can be a bit high brow with my semiotic dissection of these potato salad movies but the fact that your main hero should.. like. change somehow. by the end of a movie. isn't that the whole point of storytelling? flawed personhood goes through crucible of personal challenge and achieves meaningful change. I feel like drama needs to really be blasted at me full-force, because maybe I missed it but did natasha change?

her big mission statement in the end is something like. "turns out I have two families, time to fix the other one". but a) the current one is still fucked up (but okay, it's really about yelena, I'll give it a pass), and b) sort of implies that THIS movie is what spurred her to stop being on the run alone and decide to instead be on the run with steve. which is. a baffling emotional result because why couldn't she do it earlier. we need to know these reasons to make any of this mumbo jumbo work. why was she not with steve in the beginning? "I'm better off alone" throwaway lines probably, yeah. I don't remember. okay why then? interrogate her self-isolation motives a bit more? tie them somehow in her catharsis with yelena? fucking. setups and payoffs. riddle your films with them and make them CLEAR and I PROMISE it's so much more satisfying. I mean for me it is. if you got anything out of her declaration in the end, in all honesty, power to ya

...no sorry I can't get over the attack canceling man pheromones it's so fucking stupid lmao

[anyu-blue]

OOF

Okay so you know how sometimes in the creative process ideas sneak up on you?

Well I just got one of those in the sense that I feel like I got punched in the face it snuck up on me so fast and was/is so hard and heavy I’m left a little stunned and reeling...

Yeah..

Haha

Sooo in the possibly futile idea I may one day write it or have some reason to have written it down here we go:

Iz story in which after the Florpus movie (Maybe- IDK I haven’t seen it or 99% of Invader Zim soooo who knows) Dib is more or less forced or convinced (not sure which direction we’d go here) to gain a more... rigorous form of therapy, in which he becomes calmer and of course is lead down the path most other people are- in the sense he becomes ‘normal’.

Of course it would start with Dib actively avoiding Zim- his brain conflicted and fighting itself, but as time went on he’s become a totally different person (I’m thinking he becomes a football player sort of TOTALLY different). Calmer, level headed. Kind, but slightly aloof. He’d gain popularity with the most normal of the normal and grow to be a forgettable face as much as just a ‘decent’ person. I think he’d gently avoid the sciences- as that would have been the cause for his mental break when he was 12 anyway- and pursue other, more practical, and normal human things. Gaz wouldn’t be immune to all this- their father might just have to accept Dib as a lost cause and be proud of him for what he COULD do rather than pursue science like he want him to... in which case Gaz will become the target of her father’s overbearing desire for a successor. She’ll be amazing at it... but withdrawn in a more forlorn way- calmer as well.

What this entails is he is convinced through RIGORIOUS therapy that Zim is, in fact, a human with some weird medical condition(s) and eccentricities himself- which for normal people are to be avoided.

In my version of this story (regardless of how the show or movie turns out cuz idrk their real relationship, really) Zim would definitely take notice and having had been exiled completely from the Irken race on threat of death (or worse). Zim would not entirely give up on domineering over the human race, but he would funnel it in a different direction- screw the tallest (more or less- though he’d NEVER NEVER say it out loud) this is HIS world and he will find a way/ways to make it more to what he wants/needs.

But anyway.. Zim would notice and would realize Dib’s sudden loss of potential. I don’t know that he would know why Dib gave up to begin with- not knowing about the severe therapy- all hush hush- thinking it was some human need to process the trauma that was their space adventures. He’d just give him space as he himself would be processing it all and changing a part of his core self to be not for the Irken race, but for himself (ROUGH when you are genetically engineered to be self sacrificial for the cause)... And by the time he notices Dib is actively avoiding him.... by the time he notices Dib has all but forgotten him... Zim has more pain and wrenching to go through.

ANYWAY

Zim WOULD eventually notice. He wouldn’t be held back in grades because GIR can help as a stand in, and so does Zim’s own knowledge and ‘medical’ condition excuse- he can pass his classes with zero effort and blah blah... but he’d notice that Dib is... different. And he’d notice he doesn’t entirely like it. And of course he’d be more of the ‘shy kid’ after all is said and done. But one day he’d approach Dib (because Dib certainly isn’t going to come talk to him, despite the stares and more Zim tries to burn into him) and try to talk to him. Dib would be completely neutral-level kind. Knows Zim’s name, but the memories are all... twisted and weird and blocked, more or less. So it’s basically like they were never enemies or whatever they were. Almost like they never knew each other at all.

And that would hurt. It would HURT in a way Zim finds too familiar and wrenching. Dib would ever be kind, but yeah... his soft kindness and gentle letting down of “Hey, bud, I’m sorry but I’m not sure what you mean and I got some stuff to study for, bye.” that’s totally NOT Dib... but is? But no...?

Cue Zim with another breakdown/loss and a bit of his old self resurging to never back down- to get Dib back- the ONE who KNEW and sure maybe judge him, but with Irken adgenda off the table maybe they could be friends?!

Shenanigans of Zim being a pest/bother in school and stalking and otherwise, and Dib TOO GOOD at suddenly looking the wrong direction (almost like a reflex, weird), and having someone else around, and some backfiring... Dib’s kind gaze getting harder and harder to bear because it’s almost like PITY.

Possibly lots of blood. Possible gore? If I could stomach it?

Some themes of self harm, and psycosis, and dark thoughts/themes, and perhaps even some.. em.. nsfw unsolicited offers like Zim screaming “I’ll even let you dissect me!!” in the middle of the cafeteria to try and get SOMETHING of the old Dib back.

Possible Zim physically attacking Dib on a few occasions too. Possible Zim starting to wonder if he IS a human with severe mental issues... he knows he not lol but the IDEA and he’s just SO confused!! and at a loss.

Lots of reckless behavior.

REALLY rough...

But.. knowing me...

I adore happy endings... so all that pain and toil and turmoil would be worth it.

Dib would start to crack. Fight himself too. Try to maintain. Try not to maintain. Realize he has this weird reflex and weird physical reactions around Zim. Know SOMETHING is.. wrong.. off... Epic Mental breakdown ensues.. Not sure about Gaz, but she def has a part...

In the end... they would save eachother.

I’m thinking this would also be a ZaDr type fic... cuz I love messy love too... lonely and never lonely all in one.

But yeah.. *ahem*... all of this hit me in the span of like 5 seconds earlier and I’m... *croaks* I’m TOTALLY okay...

*Squeaks*

[moonyblackwerewolf]

omg congrats on 100 !!! can i get a ship ? ( w both golden & marauders era if possible ) im about 5 ft, i go by she/they, bi w a boy lean. i like watching movies & dissecting them , the same w books n stuff. i also really like astronomy and going to museums and coffee shops. i show love by like making lil playlists , writing notes and showing physical touch. i love !! flirting with my partner like if we’re not dating ?? does that make sense ? lol i think i j like making my partner blush uuuh i also love ! helping out w passions and like plans w whatever they need (like sports n stuff ?? i’ll try n help even if i don’t understand lol ) idk what else to put hehe

thank you !

Hii!! thank you :)) thanks for the request i hope it’s what you expected 🥺

I ship you with…

Cedric Diggory

You met in your fifth year at the Three Broomsticks

You loved spending time there because it reminded you of the coffee shops you went to in your town

You told him about all the museums you’ve visited back home

And about reading at the coffee shops

He definitely asked you to take him to these places on summer break

And you did

You went to a lot of museums

Held each other’s hands while you explained and talked about the paints, sculptures and other things to him

Or he placed his arms around your shoulders/waist

Flirted a lot

He is a tad shy around you

Every time you do that he blushes

And you do it anyway because you love to make him blush

Then you went to your favourite café 

Sat on a couch and just drank coffee while talking about everything that happened 

You fell in love that summer

Back at Hogwarts you spend a lot of time reading everywhere

He loved caressing your hair while doing that

Then you’d discuss and analyse it together

He loves how smart you are and how you always catch details in the books that he doesn’t

You two started to like flirting like strangers, during classes, at the great hall, basically everywhere

You are sweethearts, all your friends think you look cute together

Dates at the astronomy tower

You taught him some constellations 

“That one is Cassiopeia” You pointed out as you two lay on the ground next to each other

“That one?” He asked a little confused, trying to find it

“No” You laughed “that one is Ursa Minor” grabbing his hand to help him find it

“Do you know that Cassiopeia was a queen?Poseidon, god of the sea, sent a monster to punish her for offending sea-nymphs and she offered her own daughter as a sacrifice, but in the end her daughter, Andromeda, was rescued by Perseus” 

He finds it adorable that you knew all these things

It makes him blush

Looking how beautiful you look under the stars 

He finds your height super cute

He can hug your entire body with ease

And lift you up too

His heart completely melts whenever you send him little playlists with cute notes attached 

He loves you so much

And listen to all the musics and then talk to you about them

He eventually starts writing little notes to you too

They’re adorable

He calls you his bunny cause you’re cute and small

Cedric loves to take you to his quidditch practices

You try to help him with the team tactics, even though you’re not very good at it

No need to say he loves that too

He takes you to little flight dates in his broom

And you two just enjoy the wind around the pitch

And... 

Remus Lupin

You met at the Library

You both share a passion for reading and dissecting books

He was so excited when he found out that you loved Astronomy too

“My surname comes from the constellation Lupus”

You two were top students in Astronomy class

Spend the nights talking about the stars

And how he like them best than the Moon

You shared you experiences about going to museums and cafés in your towns 

Your favourite artists and movements

You always went on dates at little hidden café he found in Hogsmeade

You liked to lay your head on his shoulder and read there

Walking hand in hand around Hogsmeade

He always blushes madly when you do these things

You flirt with him a lot

He just blushes so much, he turns into a tomato

The Marauders just tease him a lot for that

But you love it

Sometimes Sirius even tells you to do it on purpose, so he can joke about it

Late night reading while cuddling

You two exchange playlists, books and notes all the time

He loves writing little letters to you

You’re very small compared to his 6’3” 

He like to tease you about that

But he loves to hug you from behind and rest his chin on your head

You help him and the marauders every full moon

They even helped you become an Animagus

And in the morning after you stay with him while he sleeps in the Hospital wing 

The first night you stayed there was when he truly fell in love with you

“You didn’t have to stay” he mumbled sleepily

“Yes, but I wanted to” you whispered softly grabbing his hand

[ybcpatrick]

HELLO. :D Things I've learned from your writing: you're cranked up to 11, and I mean, you feel so deeply that it seems at times like you could explode, either from so many feelings or from not being able to express them, not being understood. You often write about one state, a moment in time or an emotional arc, just like I do, and I'd assume it's for the same reason: because you have to get it out, you have to put it on the page, otherwise it's going to haunt you, stay stuck in your head.(cont)

(cont) You're a tactile, cuddly person: you write about hugs and sleeping together and touching a lot. You also have a deep desire to help and fix things in life: your YBC headcanons are all about surviving trauma and finding a way to go on without minimizing or ignoring what happened. (Have you thought about a career in counseling? ;))) You also believe in second chances, and that some people are Meant To Be Together, and that love is always worth fighting for. In short: you're TEH BEST.

okay i totally forgot that i reblogged that "what have u learned abt me from my writing" post and i'm. i'm.. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 miss toorational you gotta stop bein this nice to me idk how to handle it.

i feel Very Seen by this. yes i AM a cuddly bitch. yes i DO have way too many emotions and that's why i tear them apart and dissect them in fic. yes that's the very heart of the entire post!ybc and its meaning to me because that movie is nothing but suffering for those poor guys but from beginning to end they are still together. they are still a family unit and they still care about each other and love each other and akdkshvkhvksjclsnrjslfjslkdlahdlald i'm normal i like that movie a normal amount

thank u for this 🥺. no YOU'RE teh best. and i agree, our themes/styles in regards to writing are very similar and i just think that's neat :^]

[wexhappyxfew]

Sunshine Soldier - What Inspired It All

requested by the lovely jamie of @jamie506101 for the little blurb i write two years ago that inspired my first ever Band of Brothers fanfic Sunshine Soldier based around my character Charlotte Tarvers and her life in Easy Company as a combat medic - a story I will never fail to adore and love and always look back on as my first ever published fic. the love for it was astounding and to know this was what inspired it means even more!!

now beware, this was written 2 YEARS AGO which means my writing skills were my writing skills 2 years ago, and i have changed quite a bit!! but i still lvoe this piece!

it was originally in the story context because i loved how it was the first ever scene i write and inspired the story but now i consider it more of a deleted scenes of sorts! idk why i didn’t include it but yeah, here it is!!! :)) (this isn’t in the original story <3)

SUNSHINE SOLIDER DELETED SCENE - original that started it all <3

Gently folding over the bandage in the dim light of the flickering candle, Charlotte let her nimble fingers press the edges down and thin them together. Another bandage down - another 48 to go. Suddenly, a soft knocking became present at the door to the aid station. Charlotte softly sighed and wiped a weary hand across her light-headed brow and glanced towards the aid station door.

“ Coming!” she called lightly, keeping her voice soft in the late night. Charlotte approached the closed door and softly pulled it open to reveal the person she’d least suspect on the other side.

“ Sir,” she said, a gentle smile spreading on her face, as she looked up into the deep, dark eyes of Ronald Speirs, his form illuminated by the moon, slowly rising overhead, his eyes piercing her own. His hair was slightly ruffled - possibly from sleep, possibly from rolling around from a fitful of nightmares that tortured his mind. Anything really - it was war.

“ Hey,” he said - his voice was casual - Ronald Speirs was not casual. His voice was usually more rough, like a deep, dark chocolate, firm words spilling over his lips. But now he sounded exhausted, worn down - vulnerable. Vulnerable and Ronald Speirs were two words Charlotte was not one to associate with together.

“ Mind if I come in, I know it’s late.” he said, his eyes holding her gaze in the night. Charlotte watched him softly and then smiled a warm grin, one of her signature smiles that could make anyone happy on the spot and nodded.

“ Of course, sir, I can make you a coffee.” she said as she stepped back allowing him to move inside the lonely and quiet aid station - the only sound, the dripping of the sink in the makeshift washroom. The stupid sink never turned off.

“ Thank you, Doc, and you don’t have to make me one, I can handle myself.” he said as he ruffled a hand through his dark locks and let out a sigh, which automatically sent Charlotte into worry mode. What was wrong?

“ It’s fine, sir, I’m the medic, remember?” she said stepping past him, giving a gentle glance his way as he stood in the center of the room, eyes worn. A small smirk adorned her pink lips and she noticed the slight snicker that passed by Speirs’ lips. He never smiled much nor laughed in the face of others - it made him quite mysterious - just like the first night she had met him under the lamppost on night duty in Toccoa. He still was quite the mystery - but Charlotte trusted him with her entire life. She always had.

“ Right,” Speirs said and looked around, “ you doing okay in here, it’s late.”

“ I know,” Charlotte said, sparing a soft grin his way, “ I do my best work late at night, sir.”

“ It’s just us, you don’t have to call me sir.”

“ Then what am I supposed to call you, sir?” she asked him, crossing her arms, after she had flipped on the coffee marker. Speirs gave her a look and then let out a low sigh.

“ You’re still a man of rank.” she said to him, letting her arms fall to her sides, as she watched the coffee begin to drip into the tiny cup, filling it with the caffeinated liquid. Speirs watched Charlotte, her fatigued figure evidently hidden in plain sight, but uncovered in the darkness of the starlight. Speirs had grown used to seeing Charlotte smiling and happy and the cheerful medic that was pure sunshine - seeing her as she was now, so down, so exhausted, so worn from war, it was unlike something Ronald Speirs would normally see from a woman like her.

“ You feeling okay?” Speirs asked her, ignoring her previous statement - he couldn’t fight her on that, but no one could fight the woman on virtually anything - she was the medic. Charlotte let her shoulders drop as she kept her back to him, and then her head hanging, neck slack.

“ Just tired, but I’m okay.” she said nodding, pretending she was more focused on the sound of the grinding coffee beans, then the gentle movement of Speirs footsteps closer to her across the floor. His presence drew near and before she knew it, there was a soft object placed upon her shoulder - it was his hand. Speirs hand. Charlotte’s drained figure slowly cast her eyes up towards him, her body wavering under his steady touch like it was about to drop nearly any second.

“ Charlotte.” Speirs said and the way he spoke was what made Charlotte’s heart drop. A man who wasn’t even a part of Easy Company was recognizing her evident downfall, her breaking point, the crumbling and tearing of her soul into two. The inability to feel like who she was - like Charlotte Tarvers.

“ Sir, please….” she whispered, her voice a simple plea to his ear, “ I’m okay, really.” Speirs knew she wasn’t, by the way her tired eyes could barely stay open, her body shaking under his touch from sleep deprivation, her shaky hands even, her slightly paled face.

“ Here, I got the coffee, you sit down.” Speirs said and gently pulled her to stand beside him and lead her to sit down in a chair.

No.

Charlotte was the medic - she was supposed to be taking care of anyone who walked through the door - Speirs had walked through the door. He was her responsibility. She wasn’t his. But with the inability to even really react to the simple touch of his hand on her shoulder, she let him help her sit down in the chair - exhausted - her body melting into the fabric with a sigh. It felt good to sit down, nicer than anything she would’ve thought before. Her weary eyes met his, crouched in front of her.

He was so gentle, so soft, so vulnerable, so caring.

So unlike the Ronald Speirs that was just...you know Ronald Speirs - weapon in hand, grenade on belt, eyes like the devils, numb and lifeless, already dead inside, looking for his next living prey.

This Ronald Speirs was placing a hand on her shoulder.

This Ronald Speirs was warm under the dim light of the flickering candlelight.

This Ronald Speirs, watched her, trying to dissect each bit of her which lay just as vulnerable as himself out on display.

This Ronald Speirs cared - he always had, but now he showed it.

And so did Charlotte.

“ Sit, you’re getting the coffee.” Speirs said as he stood, turning to move towards the coffee pot as Charlotte let out a defeated sigh.

“ Sir, really, I’m fine, I should be taking care of yo-”

“ You don’t have to take care of yourself alone.” Speirs said, his eyes suddenly turned upon her own, the silence between them deafening as Charlotte sucked in a tiny breath as Speirs watched her with an intensity she thought she had only seen from characters in movies. Speirs was the first to look away as he brought up the coffee mug to his hand and moved towards her again, crouching down in front of her, gently leading the mug into her pale, shaking fingertips. It was warm to the touch. And she took it and stared at it, before meeting his eyes again.

“ Sir….I…”

“ Drink.” Speirs said, “ Please.” Charlotte watched him. But then she slowly brought the tip of the mug up to her trembling lips and took a long sip of the coffee, before pulling the mug back down. Speirs watched her.

“ I won’t leave here until I know you’re okay.” Speirs told her - his voice demanded authority in any way he could - he was a man of rank, and with someone who wasn’t taking care of herself properly, he would command it further. Charlotte was more than a combat medic. And Speirs stayed, until the coffee was out, and the two had sat into the early hours of the morning, their quiet voices, mingling together in the dim light under the cover of the aid station, their cautious eyes unraveling each and every single secret and crevice of one another. But eyes did that - more than people thought.

if you guys want more of these i have a bunch with different characters and such!! thanks for reading and thank you jamie for requesting - i’m happy to finally share the scene that inspired and started me off on this journey writing this!!!

[entangled-in-chaos]

So @m3zzamorphic tagged me to do this, so here it is!

Name: Jeff

Gender: Male

Height: 5’8 or 173 cm

Time: 2:56 pm (it was 4:05 am when I initially did this)

Birthday: March 8th

Favorite band: Revocation

Favorite artist: Stevie Wonder for music, Adam Burke for Paintings (check out his work, it’s phenomenal)

Favorite song: Not possible to choose lmfao even from my favorite band...so I’m gonna just say “Thorns of Crimson Death” by Dissection

Song stuck in my head: after doing the last one “The Salamanizer” by Gwar got stuck in my head 😂

Last movie you watched: The Current War (watched it with my mom and sister because I don’t really watch movies alone lol)

Last series: I binged and caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen (caught up on the manga before I watched the show xD)

Blog Age: a little over 8 years now.

Content: with life? Not exactly 😂 also theres a lot of stuff for my blog so Idek how is become to section it other than shit I like.

Last Google: the name of the last movie I watched xD

Side Blog: non-existent.

Do you get asks: every so often. Not as much as like 6-7 years ago 😂

URL meaning- self explanatory but being entangled in chaos, aka being alive.

Following: Im not entirely sure but I know it’s over 1000

Followers: 2096. A lot of them abandoned their tumblrs or are porn blogs.

Instruments: guitar and bass primarily but I also can play piano, ukelele, mandolin, and violin.

Average sleep: depends on the depression fits tbh. If I’m not in one, usually 4-6 hours.

Lucky number: 10

Clothes: metalhead attire, jeans and a band tee.

Dream job: I don’t dream of labor 🥴

Dream trip: I have so many cause I have a lot of long term friends that I want to meet 💙

Favorite food: hardcore tie between nachos and pizza

Nationality: mostly British/Scottish/Irish, but also Norwegian, German, Italian, and a wee bit of the Balkan region mixed in.

Last book: “I Am Ozzy” which is about Ozzy Osborne xD

Idk who to tag, but if you want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you, so I could learn more about you! Enjoy your day peeps!

[mannatea]

So here’s what I learned in making my very first video essay.

I’m a dumbass. I mean, why did I have to pick a movie that like, three people have even seen, and 95% of the audience hated anyway?

To be clear, I also don’t like this film, but being one of ~those~ people I feel the need to dissect it until I find all the repulsive undertones and therefore feel Justified in my dislike. (Most of the critique against this movie is like, “ummm excuse me but...Oscar is Too Woman” and I disagree with that.)

Speaking of me being a dumbass, I can admit I’m still at a loss when it comes to...the process of writing an essay for an Internet audience on a platform I don’t actively participate on. Maybe my approach should be more like an academic essay, where I write with the idea that the person reading my work already knows the source material? (But there I am, watching video essays about stuff I’m interested in but may not be that familiar with, so...idk.) 

I think the biggest issue with my script (besides the fact that it’s 17,000 words long) is that I assume the audience has familiarity with The Rose of Versailles but not necessarily with Lady Oscar. In my defense most people who have seen/read and enjoyed The Rose of Versailles have NOT seen Lady Oscar, but... I probably over-explain.  

I have an entire section dedicated to What’s Good Actually, but it wasn’t enough to make a whole essay of, so it’s framed in light of, “the issues I’ve been talking about are especially frustrating because you can see the potential in these scenes/moments.” Is this bad writing? IIIIIII don’t know. Maybe?

Davinci Resolve is Annoying. It only crashed when I kept bumping my gaming buttons on my mouse, but my god I ripped a bunch of anime episodes to use and it only recognized like, a handful of them...even though they were all...exactly the same file type...and from the same disc...UGH.

Making video essays is extremely time consuming at this length/scope. My “thesis” if you can call it that is: “Why Chess Piece Characters Suck” (basically) and not only do I beat this comparison to within an inch of its life, I also did not realize how BROAD that topic actually was. Even then, I focused mostly on just two characters (with a few special mentions) and I still had a ridiculously long script.

It also took a lot of my time. Writing the script, ripping the DVDs I needed, dealing with a full hard drive, collecting clips and images, recording the audio TWICE, editing, Photoshop work on images/essaycards/etc, more editing, and moving stuff one frame at a time took me literal days of my life. Like, over 100 hours total. Writing the script alone took me at least 24 hours.

I think the worst and most embarrassing part of all of this is that I put SO much work into something that only a few people will ever see, and I’m convinced that it looks like a teenager made it...lol. I mean, we all have to start somewhere but starting at the beginning gets harder the older I get.

I am so tired of hearing my own voice.

I kept finding issues in the audio that I didn’t like but I don’t have the time or energy to keep recording it over and over again. 

I know it’s not normal to run out of breath after reading a paragraph aloud, but I can’t help it and I don’t own an inhaler, so...I just had to Deal. I feel like everyone will be able to tell I was winded the entire time, though.

I re-recorded French pronunciations probably 30 or more times and I simply cannot make those sounds correctly. Linguistics 101: how do you make a sound that requires pressing your tongue to your teeth if you don’t have teeth? Well, usually I come up with some other clever way to do it, but it depends on the sound that comes afterward, and with so many French words I just can’t figure out something that flows naturally.

My tendinitis was aggravated by all the mouse-clicking like man my hands are stiff.

Despite all my complaints and woes, like...I don’t know. It was a waste of time I guess, but it’s not as if I wouldn’t have wasted those hours in some slightly different way anyway, either by writing fanfiction or by playing video games.

But seriously why did I pick a topic and a film that nobody cares about? I’ll get my 3 views and be grateful, but I’m starting to wonder if I did it on purpose to sabotage myself.

Seriously I have seen one real essay about this film (an academic one, no less) and ZERO (0) video essays about it. ZERO. Nobody will look for this. BUT HEY, ya can’t fail when your audience consists of 3 people who have no expectations at all. :)