dwinparry

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 14

Life keeps rolling right along. Taking no prisoners along the way. We lost two very good family friends in the past few months. So there’s that. I was writing in my private journal last night and broke down in tears writing about them. It scares me to see other peoples parents go. My parents are approaching 70 years old. I live with them so I see them age. And it’s terrifying. To think of a…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode whatever

I’m sitting here with a dog on my lap. Feet inclined on the lazy boy chair. She’s rested comfortably in between my legs as we watch the storm roll by through the big glass windows. Dads laying comfortably in his chair across from me just taking in the relief of cool air during this summer of recent heat waves. And as I sit here I think about how happy I am in this moment. And how one of the…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 12

So I haven’t been writing. I’ve been playing video games or music. Or just doing nothing. The past three weeks I’ve been a) HOT. And B) just not feeling life in general. Everything seems dull and boring. My room is starting to feel like a hospital room. It doesn’t get better when I go somewhere either. I just leave that place feeling even more desperate to get out. I don’t know if it’s this…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 11

I’ve been in my room a lot the past few weeks. I broke up with my girlfriend of two months. I guess I’m just re-adjusting to being single. I realize how much I like silence. That girl never stopped talking. I was slowly going crazy. I had to end it. I did not feel comfortable at all in my own skin when we were together. It was like I was trying to be this grown up, that I’m not supposed to be…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 10

Well what is there to say. I think I’m gonna stay single from here on out. Art in general is my love. And the freedom. I forgot what a cowboy I am and am so used to roughing it on my own. There’s a little bitterness in me for that. But Uncle Bobby was a free spirit. He was also homeless. and a drunk. But he did what he wanted. And that was drink. I started down that road in my mid twenties. I…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 9

Death is sad. It’s fucked up. We get to spend our entire lives with people we love until they are just taken from us. But that’s life. That’s why in Lion King, Elton John is belting out, “It’s the circle of lifeee!!!” Babies are born, elderly die. It’s just how it goes. I think about death a lot in my bipolar lows. About my death, my legacy, what my nephews will say about me. I also think about…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 8

So I haven’t been paranoid in a while. But that doesn’t mean I’m not schizoaffective anymore. The lack of motivation has gotten a little better over the past 4 years but still…it’s so hard to do anything. But I’ve got all this energy and can’t get excited or interested in anything for more than ten minutes sometimes. I’m SO SICK OF THIS FUCKIN NERVOUS PENT UP ENERGY. But that’s just part of…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 7

Each night I go to bed an hour before I am ready to sleep. I lay in bed and review my life, goals, accomplishments, and failures of that day. I never really thought about it before but looking at it written I’m thinking “damn Eddie. That’s really introspective.” But I do it by habit. I’ve kind of always done it. It may be part of my anxiety shining thru at night that causes these thoughts. But…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 6

Well. It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been busy making schemes and falling in love. I met a girl. Who I’ve known of for almost 10 years. We talked. Decided to try a date. And fell in love almost instantly. It was like seeing an old best friend, we just immediately bonded. We’ve both been through a lot. And when I say a lot. I mean A LOT. But we are finding that we are slowly coming…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 5

I haven’t been paranoid for over an hour in almost over a year. That’s incredible. The fact that I don’t have to lay in bed for 15 hours is alright by me! I haven’t been posting as much. I don’t write as much when I am happy. So let’s give it a go. Gone are the days of laying in bed wondering if the cops are gonna come get me. The new doctor was a Godsend. Ever since I’ve been on these new…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 4

I am in a dim lit room listening to music on my Spotify app. Its about a week into the new year, I am under my blanket in my bed typing furiously on my Chromebook that I got specifically for writing. I woke up angry today, like everything is wrong in my life. So, today is going to be another challenge. Every day with mental illness is a challenge. Especially a mental illness that is…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 3

You know, I don’t talk much about sobriety on here. It’s a huge part of my life. So this week we will go into the changes that have occurred with a year and a half (mostly) sober. So first off I must admit. I’ve drank 4 times since rehab in 2022. It’ll be two years in June 2024. I will have gone from drinking a 15 pack a day to 0 alcohol. It’s been amazing. When I was drinking, I was using it…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 2

I am writing to you in a good mood. I’ve been relatively decent. Some depression here or there but my coping skills are so much better now than three years ago.  I’ve been playing a lot of video games lately. Winter sucks. When its cold and windy I am trapped inside all day. I’m not meant to be inside. I can spend an entire day laying in the sun. In the summer I have a tan on the front side of…

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Schizoaffective season 5 episode 1

Well, it is December 2023. We are one short step away from 2024. Political commercials, football playoffs, maybe even some snow to come. So far the past two elections I have been psychotic. Luckily it seems like Trump is losing support except his extreme following. Things are going. I usually say they are going ok. But with bipolar, ok can be below normal. My mood can change at noon from happy…

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Schizoaffective season four episode 50!!!

For episode 50 I’m gonna do something that isn’t like myself. I’m gonna take a stance on some issues First of all. Trumps a psychopath. This is coming from someone who truly went psychotic. Trump has delusions of grandeur and believes he is above the law. He is not mentally fit for the job of president or even being a father. Biden is pretty useless. I think he is just the biggest fraud the…

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Schizoaffective season 4 episode 49

It’s currently 3:58am. I have my ear buds in and am listening to the “Discover Weekly” station on Spotify music streaming app. This playlist has songs that Spotify based off your listening. It’s usually pretty good. Right now I’m listening to Santana collaborating with Citizen Cope. Citizen Cope is a soulful, chill group. Or guy. I dunno if it’s the band or the guy. But combined with Santana’s…

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Schizoaffective season 4 episode 48

Three and a half years ago I moved home in the midst of psychosis. The night I moved home I loaded a pistol and a shotgun and was trying to go to the bar to hunt down republicans. If it weren’t for my parents stopping me I would probably be in jail for life for murder. But they got the guns away from me. I ended up in the hospital that night and stayed for about 30 days. The turnaround after 30…